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your-nerd-is-showing · 4 years ago

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Gaara x Reader: Desert Flower

I simp for many many anime men Naruto will always be one of my all time favorite fandoms! Especially Gaara 🥵

Credit to Artist

You were walking down the street with Temari and Kankuro on your way to buy dinner for you and Gaara.

“So (Y/N) are you ever going to tell Gaara how you feel about him?” Asked Temari

You looked at her shocked. “But-but how d-did you know?”

“Come on (Y/N)!” Started Kankuro. “It’s obvious! Both Temari and I see the way you look at him. You’re in love with Gaara aren’t you?”

“Shhhhhh!” You turned bright red and sushed Kankuro as if Gaara was listening. “Ye-yes I’m in-in l-lo-love with G-Gaa-Gaara.” You stammered and looked at the ground as you twiddled your fingers. “But I don’t think he feels the same way.” You sighed and hung your head in defeat.

Temari and Kankuro looked at each other and laughed.

You looked up at them and got a bit angry. “Hey now! What’s so funny!” You shouted in a huff.

Kankuro patted your head. “Silly (Y/N), I think Gaara has the same feelings for you.”

You looked at Kankuro with question “What makes you say that?”

“We know our brother very well.” Started Temari. “He never lets anyone in…. We’re his own siblings and we only know some of the pain he holds inside…. You’re the only outsider he has ever trusted (Y/N)…. The fact that he made you his right hand and head of his security shows how much he trusts you…. You wandering into our village and meeting Gaara was the best thing for him…. Ever.”

“Oh my I was only seven when I wandered into the Sand Village so eleven years ago because I’m eighteen now…. Actually today is the day I met Gaara all those years ago….”

“Wait you were seven and you made it through the desert from the Mist Village?”

“Yes I was wandering the desert for about a week or so if I remember correctly. When I came upon the village Gaara was outside the walls, he looked at me very confused that a little girl just came out of nowhere from the cruel unforgiving desert. I simply walked up to him and asked if he would be my friend.” You smiled. “And he said yes. I feel like in a way he respected me from the beginning because I was so young and survived a week long journey by myself. Watching him over the years he truly tried to make connections with the people of the village but everyone was so scared of him.” A tear slid down your cheek. “In a way I knew how he felt…. My clan we were trained to be human weapons from a very young age. I was an outcast from the time I was born… my parents showed me no love no compassion…. I hated it! I just wanted to be loved like a child should! What my parents put me through no child should have to endure. So I left I wanted no part of my family and I got as far away as I could….” You started to cry a little. “seeing the same pain in Gaara’s eyes…. I just wanted to take his pain away….. I want…. I want to show him what it is like to be loved unconditionally by someone…. What it means to be something precious to someone…. He deserves someone who can give him the world….” You paused and smiled at the siblings. “I want to be that person.”

“Wow (Y/N) you have some pretty intense feelings for Gaara…. I knew you loved him but I didn’t know it was that deep.” Said Kankuro.

“All that and so much more….” You paused again. “But I’m too chicken shit to say anything.” You sighed in frustration. “Temari, Kankuro do you have any suggestions to give me the courage I need?”

Temari smirked and pulled a bottle of sake out. “Why yes I do! Here!” She handed you the bottle. “Drink this at dinner tonight with Gaara.”

You looked at her confused. “Sake? What’s this going to do?”

“Liquid courage as I call it!” Kankuro said.

Temari nodded in agreement. “Bring this along with his favorite food to eat for dinner and let the sake do the talking.” She smile and winked at you.

You looked at her wide eyed. “Really you think this will work?”

“Without a doubt!” Replied Kankuro.

You hugged the siblings. “Thank you so much for this! You two are the best! I still gotta go get dinner for Gaara and I! I’ll catch up with you two tomorrow and let know how things went!” You waved goodbye.

“Good luck!” They said in unison.

You made your way to the market to get Gaara’s favorite food, salted tongue and gizzard. “Yuck I don’t know how he eats this stuff!” You said as you stuck up your nose. You bought yourself pork dumplings and hurried your way back to Gaara’s office.

You knocked on the door as you opened it. “Gaara I’m back with dinner! I ran into your siblings and they gave me a treat to share with you too!” You smiled at Gaara as you held out the bottle of sake.

Gaara let out a small snort. “They really are trying to get me and (Y/N) together aren’t they…. To go to the extent of getting my favorite bottle of sake….” Gaara thought to himself.

“Gaara?” You said breaking his thoughts. “Are you all done with your paperwork?”

He looked up at you. “No…. Not quite yet…. Why do you ask?”

You poured both you and Gaara a shot of sake. “I don’t want your dinner to get cold silly. I got your favorite! Salted tongue and gizzards.”

Gaara looked at you and smiled a small smile. “She’s so thoughtful.” He thought to himself.

“Thank you (Y/N).”

“You’re very welcome.” You smiled at Gaara and cheered him as you both took a shot of sake. “Yum this stuff is pretty good.” You said as you poured another shot for the two of you.

Gaara let out a small chuckle. “You don’t drink often do you?” He asked.

“No this is actually my first time drinking…. What about you?”

“I don’t drink often but when I do it’s this sake. It’s my favorite.”

You smiled and cheered him again before taking the shot. You felt your head get warm and fuzzy as your cheeks flushed a light pink. You let out a small cute hiccup. “Woah I can feel that already.” You said before you hiccupped again. “Come on Gaara let’s eat I’m sure you’re just as hungry as me.” You tugged on his sleeve trying to get him to come sit on the couch with you.

“Hold on a minute I’m almost done.” He replied as he locked eyes with you.

“Okay I’ll go set the table for us then.” You started to walk to the table but Gaara stopped you. “Nani? What is it Gaara?” You looked at him with question as you sat on his desk.

“No stay here…. Next to me (Y/N).”

Your cheeks turned to a shade of red. “O-okay….” You sat there and stared at Gaara as he finished up his paperwork.

“There all done…. Let’s eat.” He put his paperwork away and followed you to the couch.

“I’m sorry it’s not homemade but you know that I don’t like to leave you alone for long. I did go to your favorite place though.” You said as you set out the food.

“No its fine I really appreciate everything you do for me (Y/N).” He looked at you and smiled slightly.

You smiled back. “Good I’m glad…. You know Gaara I would do anything for you….” You blushed and quickly took a shot of sake.

He looked at you shocked. “Y-you would?”

Your eyes widened as you blushed more and nodded your head. “Yes I-I would.”

Gaara took your hands in his. “Thank you (Y/N) that means a lot to me.”

You were at a loss for words and stuck in a daze when Gaara held your hands.

“(Y/N)? I-I….” Gaara stammered as his cheeks flushed pink.

You inched closer to his face. “Yes? What is it Gaara?”

Gaara took a deep breath in and composed himself before taking another shot. “I-I….” He sighed.

You cupped his face with your hand. “What is it Gaara?” You asked him as you searched his eyes.

“I think I need to drink more before I say what I want to say.” He poured you and him another shot. “Here.” He handed you the sake.

You smiled and cheered him. “Let’s eat!” You said as you dug into your dumplings. You looked at Gaara and he just stared at his food. “Is something wrong? Did it get to cold?”

He shook his head. “No…. It’s not that I’m just not hungry. My stomach is doing flips right now.” He took another shot of sake.

“Are you okay? Do you feel sick?” You asked concerned as you held your hand to his forehead to see if he had a fever.

“No I don’t feel sick…. I’m just…. I’m just nervous.” He took another shot.

“Nervous about what?” You looked at him confused.

“(Y/N).” He held your hand and brushed your cheek with his other hand.

You turned about eight shades of red. “Ga-Gaara wh-what are you doing?” You downed another shot.

He leaned in closer to you. “I want to be with you (Y/N)….” Your eyes widened in wonder as those words came out of Gaara’s mouth. “I want to feel the warmth of your breath on my skin…. I want to feel your heart race when I touch you…. You make me happy in a way I can’t explain…. When I am with you everything just makes sense…. You have seen me at my absolute worst and you never left my side…. You were never scared of me…. You are something so precious to me. I can’t…. I can’t imagine my life without you in it…. You helped pull me out of the darkness and set me on the right path…. For that I want to give you everything (Y/N). I-I’m in love with you.”

You looked at Gaara longingly and couldn’t stop smiling. “G-Gaa-Gaara…. I-I feel the same w-way….” You cleared your throat. “Ever since I have known you all I ever saw in your eyes was pain. I never got scared of you because you acted out because of that pain…. That loneliness…. I know what it is like to be alone and seen as a weapon…. As a monster…. All I’ve ever wanted was to take your pain away. You deserve to be loved unconditionally Gaara. You too are something very precious to me.”

Gaara pulled you in close and kissed you passionately. You locked lips and searched his mouth with your tongue as he explored yours.

You broke the kiss and couldn’t stop smiling. “Gaara I love you too.”

He smiled at you as he leaned in for another kiss, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you onto his lap. You lifted your leg over him and straddled his waist. Gaara broke the kiss and rested his lips near the nape of your neck. You shivered with pleasure as you felt him lightly nip at your skin.

“Mmmmm Gaara….” You moaned out.

“Do you like that?” He asked.

“Mhm….”

He bit your neck a bit harder this time making you moan louder.

You let out a small gasp as you felt a growing bulge between his legs. “Is he…. Getting turned on?” You thought to yourself. “I mean I’m pretty turned on myself right now….” Suddenly your thoughts were interrupted when you felt Gaara’s hand slip under your shirt. You looked at him shocked and raised an eyebrow. “Can I help you?”

He looked at you with pleading eyes. “I think you know what I want my love and I think you want it too.” He grabbed the bottle of sake and poofed the two of you back to his house.

You were now on his bed and Gaara was on top of you. You looked at Gaara and you could feel the heat rising on your skin. He leaned down and kissed your neck as he untied your shirt. You could feel your body getting hotter as you felt his soft lips move from your neck and down your torso. He stopped and smiled at you.

“Are you enjoying this (Y/N)?” He asked.

Your breathing was a bit heavy. “Y-yes very m-mu-much so Gaara. I-I want more….”

He smirked at you. “Your wish is my command. Here sit up a bit.”

You did so and he removed your bra. His green orbs widened in wonder as he looked at your perfect breasts. He licked his lips and started softly groping them.

“Ohhhh Gaaraaaa.” You moaned out. Your eyes closed and you felt the warmth of his mouth on your nipple. You squirmed in pleasure as he gently nibbled and sucked on it. You felt his hand move down your body, he stopped right at your womanhood and gently rubbed the outside of your pants. “Ohhhhhhhh!” You moaned again. “Gaara?”

He stopped nibbling on your nipple and looked at you. “Yes what is it?”

“I-I want to give you pleasure too.” You looked up at him innocently.

He smiled at you. “Very well.” He got off of you.

You smirked and tackled him as your lips crashed into his. He was taken by surprise at the sudden aggression but he liked it and let you continue.

Your soft lips gently kissed Gaara’s as you unbuttoned his jacket. You looked down in amazement and ran your hands over his perfect abs. “Gaara you’re so handsome.” You cooed. You gently nipped at his neck and a small moan escaped his lips. You giggled. “You like that don’t you?”

He looked at you and nodded. You giggled again and bit his neck a bit harder making him moan louder. You kept nibbling his neck as you fumbled to unbutton his pants. Success you got them undone. Gaara pulled you off of his neck and his face was redder than his hair. You looked at him confused. “Why are you embarrassed Gaara?”

“I’ve never been touched like this before its all so new to me…. All these feelings and emotions pouring in at once….”

“Do you want to take control again? Will it make you feel better?”

“Yes I think it will.” He replied as he placed his hands over yours and helped you pull down his pants and boxers.

Your eyes widened in wonder as you saw his rock hard member pop out of his pants. Your small hands gently grabbed his shaft and you started to move your hands up and down.

He tilted his head back and let out a low groan. “(Y/N) this…. This feels so good please…. Don’t…. Stop…..”

You smirked and slowly lowered your lips to his tip. Your breathing got heavy as you wrapped your mouth around his head and started to suck.

Gaara gently grabbed your hair as you bobbed up and down. His breathing got heavier as you picked up the pace. “Ugn (Y-Y/N-N).” He moaned out as he released himself inside your mouth.

You were taken by surprise by his sudden release but continued to lick until everything was clean. You released yourself from his member and innocently licked your lips. “Mmmmm Gaara you taste good.” You smiled at him.

He smiled back and leaned in to kiss you. “Now its my turn to pleasure you (Y/N).” He gently pushed you down onto the bed and pulled down your pants. “(Y/N)…. You’re so beautiful.” He said as he licked his lips before going down on you.

“Ohhhhhh G-Ga-Gaaraaaaaaaa!” You moaned out as he swirled his tongue around your clit. You let out a small yelp as he entered you with two of his fingers. “Th-this fe-feels a-am-amazinggggg!” You moaned as you gushed into his mouth.

He licked up every last drop and looked up at you. “You my love taste delicious.” He made his way back up to your lips ,kissed you long and passionately.

You kissed him back and wrapped your legs around his waist feeling his member becoming hard once again. You wiggled your hips making his tip rub against your clit. You broke the kiss and looked at him with pleading eyes.

He raised an eyebrow. “What do you want me that badly?”

You looked at him innocently. “You have no idea how badly I want you Gaara…. Please take me…..” You whispered into his ear.

He smiled at you. “Your wish is my command.” He held you close as he entered you slowly.

You breathing got heavier as he entered you. You clung to his muscular back and let out a yelp from the pain.

He stopped. “Are you okay? Am I hurting you?” He asked concerned.

You smiled at him. “I’m fine Gaara the pain will only be temporary…. Please don’t stop….”

He obliged and entered you the rest of the way. He gently started to thrust in and out of you. Gaara picked up the pace as he hit your G-spot perfectly.

“G-Ga-Gaaaaaraaaaaa!” You moaned as he went harder and faster.

Suddenly he slowed down as he savored all of it. “I-I want to make passionate love to you (Y/N).” He said as he kept at a steady pace.

You smiled and moved in perfect sync with Gaara. You grabbed the back of his head and made contact with his lips once again. In and out in and out he thrusted his hips. You wiggled around for you were in pure ecstasy.

Gaara readjusted himself and lifted your legs up to get better leverage. He thrusted harder and harder.

“Oh-Ohhhhhh m-my k-ka-kami-s-samaaaaaa!” You screamed out in pleasure. “G-Gaara d-don't stopppppppp!” You moved your legs so your feet were resting on his chest, he readjusted with you and went in even deeper. You moaned and gushed everywhere.

Gaara pulled out and went back down to lick up all the juices. He nibbled on your clit while he slipped two fingers in.

You arched your back and couldn’t stop moving around. Suddenly you orgasmed and gushed all over Gaara’s face.

He cleaned his face off and was about to enter you again.

“Wait Gaara I want to get on top…. Can I?”

He smirked at you and nodded. “I like the sound of that.” He said as he laid down.

You got on top of him and rubbed your clit on his member, gushing all over the two of you. “Ohhhhhh Gaaraaaaaa!” You lifted yourself up and slowly slid down onto Gaara. You bounced up and down trying to get a motion going. Gaara held onto your hips and helped you get back in sync with him. “Ohhhhh baby I-I love you so-so much Gaara!”

“Ugn I-I love y-you too (Y/N).” He moaned out as he thrusted harder making you bounce wildly up and down on him. Harder and deeper he went you could feel yourself reaching another climax.

“G-Gaa-Gaara I’m-I'm go-going to cu-cummmmm!” You moaned out as you reached your orgasm.

Gaara thrusted a few more time and grunted as he reached his second climax. He smiled and kissed you as he pulled out.

You broke the kiss. “Oh my Kami-sama th-that was amazing Gaara!”

“Yes it was.” He pulled you in closer. “You’re mine forever now (Y/N).” He kissed the top of your head.

“Promise?” You cooed.

“I promise my beautiful desert flower.”

“I love you so much Gaara.”

“I love you too (Y/N).”

You rested your head on Gaara’s chest and fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

You woke up the next morning still cuddled up to Gaara. You smiled and kissed his cheek.

He stirred and slowly opened his eyes smiling at you. “Good morning beautiful.” He cooed.

“Good morning handsome.” You replied back before tenderly kissing him. “Shall we shower and get ready for the day?”

He nodded in agreement.

You pulled Gaara out of bed to go shower. You both quickly got showered and dressed.

You and Gaara headed out and spotted his siblings up a head.

“Hey Temari! Kankuro! Wait up!” You yelled to them as you grabbed Gaara’s hand and ran towards them.

“Hey! Good morning (Y/N)! Good morning Gaara!” Replied Kankuro. “So last night was pretty good huh?” He asked smugly.

You turned about eight shades of red. “B-bu-but how d-did you k-know?”

“(Y/N), I’m pretty sure the entire village knows…. You do not know how to be quiet do you?” Replied Temari as she shot a look at Gaara.

You got even redder. “Meep….” You were at a loss for words.

“If she isn’t screaming my name am I really doing it right?” Said Gaara smugly.

Your jaw dropped as Gaara said that.

“Wait did my little brother really just say that!?” Said Kankuro shocked.

All Gaara did was have a huge smirk on his face.

~End

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tomboyneedshercoffee · 4 years ago

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Lovedust Pt.6 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: Y/N finds out more about how the lovedust works and it leads to her realizing her biggest fears about Peter if he’s cured.

Word Count: 4.2k

Author’s Note: There’s a lot going on right now but thank you guys for being so incredibly kind and patient with me. Shit is going to hit the fan real soon with Lovedust so stay tuned! ALSO Don’t forget to leave comments if you guys liked it or hey even if you hated it! ALSO ALSO My taglist is getting pretty big and hectic so if I missed yours, I am VERY sorry pls just message me again so I can add you asap!

Warnings: Mild language, mentions of death and nightmares, slowburn

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six ||

part seven || part eight || epilogue

As your eyes fluttered open, you gave yourself a minute to adjust to the sound of rain hitting against your bedroom window. You closed your eyes as you inhaled deeply, your arm instinctively reached beside you to touch Peter, only to find that side of the bed empty.

You opened your eyes again and slowly raised yourself up to turn to see that your prediction was correct and that he wasn’t next to you. You knew it wasn’t a dream, you distinctively remembered him holding you as you fell asleep but you guessed he might’ve left soon after.

The memories of last night rushed through your head as you felt your heart drop slightly and already, you felt empty so early in the morning. You remembered everything about the nightmare but more importantly, you remembered Peter cradling you like a child as you cried in his arms.

You couldn’t wrap your head around a single feeling to describe the thoughts in your mind. As every day passed, Peter was showing you more and more how much he truly cared for you, and the thought of him not being able to keep the same energy once he was cured terrified you.

You loved this new Peter and how kind and compassionate he was around you. It was annoying at first dealing with the cringey pick up lines and weird comments about the two of you getting married but now that you realized there was more to those side effects, you found him even more endearing.

It was the small things like how he sacrificed the right side of his body so that you could fit under the umbrella perfectly or how he would willingly sit through a horror movie for you even though you both knew how much he hated them.

You even saw a change in yourself and how you treated him. The other day, you two sat side by side on the couch and shared headphones while listening to the playlist you made for him or when you would tell him a dumb joke just so you could hear him laugh.

It was selfish to hang onto the idea that Peter would always be this kind to you but you rather savored the moments you two had together since you knew better to know that nothing in life was guaranteed.

You felt embarrassed that he had seen you so vulnerable, especially since Peter didn’t know what happened to your parents and now, you felt like you owed him an explanation. You looked back at your clock and sighed once you saw that you had already missed the beginning half of school, you thought screw it, you were taking a mental health day.

“ Is it senior skip day or something?” You looked up to see your dad standing in your doorway with his arms crossed over his chest in a scolding manner but once he saw your dazed expression, he dropped the act,” Y/N? Is everything okay?”

You could feel your throat tighten as you shook your head, refusing to cry again.

“ Nightmare,” You swallowed to stop yourself from letting anymore sobs from coming out of your mouth as Tony sat next to you and put his hand on your shoulder.

“ I know kid, I know,” Tony brought you closer to him as you hugged him tightly.

You had told Tony about your nightmares but he was already well aware on what happened with your parents. You were still pretty young when your parents had passed and you’ve lived most of your life with Tony as a parent but that didn’t mean you weren’t traumatized over what happened years ago.

Tony had not only given you a good home and had locked down your future, but he was always there to listen and offer help, whether it was from himself or health experts.

“ It was Peter this time,” You said softly as you felt your dad hug you even tighter,” I don’t know why but he was in the nightmare and he-he tried to hurt me...I feel so guilty, I don’t know why he was there but my brain just made him you know?”

“ That’s not something you can control Y/N, remember what I said, your brain just picks up on different people-unless he did something. Did he do something to you? Cause I swear-”

“ No, no Dad it was the opposite,” You sighed as you pulled away and bit the inside of your cheek,” I know you told me not to hang out with Peter but...we’ve been getting closer and I think I...I don’t know. All I know was that when he comforted me after my nightmare, I felt the safest I’ve been in a long time….Things are different now. I don’t know what I could say to convince you but please don’t get mad.”

You looked down at your bedsheets to avoid his gaze and you weren’t sure if he was burning a stern glare at the back of your head or not.

“ I’m not mad about Peter, I already knew you were seeing him behind my back anyway and I should’ve known you two would’ve pulled some Romeo and Juliet bullcrap. Anyway- You’re strong enough to look after yourself, hell stronger than some of these people living here and if I may speak candidly, I know you could kick his ass if he ever crossed a line,” Your dad said as you let out a small chuckle,” I want you to be safe and happy. I would prefer you feel that way without a boy in the mix but I won’t yuck your yum.”

You wrinkled your nose but you couldn’t help but smirk,” Do you think I’m strong enough to become an Avenger?”

“ You already are,” Your dad smiled as you inhaled deeply,” but before we get too mushy, I did actually want to talk to you about the other day, you know, about Peter’s health.”

You sat up straighter in your seat as you nodded attentively at him before he continued.

“ It’s really important that you keep this between you, me and Banner, okay? I’m gonna use some big words so keep up,” You nodded again as you felt your heart beat rapidly against your chest,” you already know this but the lovedust activates a huge amount of serotonin in the body and sometimes that can lead to some major health problems. Well, with every day that passes, he runs the risk of having a ventricular tachycardia and that’s what explained how he collapsed the other day-”

“ Hold on, he collapsed? And did you say a ventricular tachycardia? Like a heartattack?” You asked as you felt your own heart stop for a moment as your dad gave you a confused expression,” So you’re telling me the lovedust could kill him? When did this happen?”

Your dad inhaled sharply as he swallowed hard,” Yesterday afternoon. We were done running tests and Banner noticed a car pull up and I said it was your friend John-”

“Josh.”

“ Yeah sure. Then we heard a loud thud and Peter just dropped. He just fainted but still, it’s a sign that things are getting worse,” Your dad said as you felt your heart completely shatter.

You felt like it was all of your fault. Even though Peter just fainted, he could’ve hit his head and died right there and you couldn’t stop yourself from filling your head with more terrible thoughts.

“ Oh my god, I never thought things would get this bad,” You said as you rested your forehead in the palm of your hands, trying to keep a consistent stream of thoughts but each idea made you think of Peter getting hurt,” and there’s still not a cure? What have you guys even figured out so far-it’s been almost a week!”

You knew your dad was trying his best but all you wanted was for Peter to get better and it didn’t help that time was against everyone. Peter could suffer a heartattack at any time of day and it didn’t make you feel better than nothing was being solved.

“ Well we have a pretty strong theory about what caused the lovedust if you’re up for hearing it,” Your dad suggested as you hesitantly nodded.

“ Our main theory is that the lovedust is effective when the patient- Peter- makes contact with the variable-you- and since you were the first person he saw, it activated his serotonin output. So it could’ve been anyone and Peter would’ve had the same reaction,” Tony said and it was so silent for a minute that you could hear a pin drop,” why is your face pale?”

You didn’t know how much you didn’t want to hear that theory until this very moment. You weren’t even sure why you could feel your throat close up again but this news made you sink back onto your bed.

Peter really didn’t mean anything he was saying. After all those late night talks about how in love with you he was, those were all just side effects. Those were never his thoughts. He never really loved you.

“ Oh...that’s good I guess,” You said quietly as Tony’s pager buzzed. You could tell Tony wanted to stay and talk to you but when he looked down at the notification, it seemed pretty urgent,” you can go, I’m just gonna stay here for a little bit.”

“ We’ll talk later, okay kiddo?” Tony patted your knee and walked past your bed, closing your bedroom door behind him.

You stared up at your bedroom ceiling as you thought about what your dad said. Peter’s condition was getting worst but now, at least they figured out something that could help them along the way. If they could figure out the properties of the lovedust than that means they could reverse it and find a cure.

What if you didn’t want them to find a cure?

You almost talked yourself out of your thought and called yourself a selfish idiot in the process, the goal was for them to help Peter. This could help Peter, you reminded yourself as you got up from your bed to get dressed.

You weren’t sure where you wanted to go but you thought that your mental health day could carry on to the outside world.

Mad....why were you mad?

You had no reason to be so upset and you kept reminding yourself as the elevator went down to the garage. You aggressively pressed the button to unlock your car and once you sat down in the driver’s seat, you started your car and backed out of the garage.

It was pouring outside and while you hated driving in the rain, you just had to leave to clear your head.

Why were you upset?

Maybe because for once in your life, you felt special.

You stopped on the brakes and you could feel your heart sink into your chest as the rain hit against your windshield.

You shook your head slowly before you slapped your hands against your steering wheel hard.

Was it awful that you loved the attention you were getting and maybe, just maybe, you were starting to see Peter differently?

You slammed your firsts against the wheel again and again as you let out a frustrated grunt through your gritted teeth.

You were mad that Peter could die. You were mad that there wasn’t a cure. You were mad that the lovedust had ruined your life. You were content without Peter meddling in your life but now that he had left such an impression, all you wanted to do was make sure he stayed as true to himself as he was now.

You couldn’t expect that from him. You couldn’t expect that once he was cured, he would act back to his regular douchebag self but anything was possible, he didn’t owe you anything.

You taunted yourself as you tried to snap out of whatever this hellish tantrum you were throwing.

Why would you be upset over a guy who had fake feelings for you all this time?

It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t your fault either.

Anyone. It could have been anyone. It could’ve been a sockpuppet and Peter would’ve probably tried marrying the damn thing.

You snapped your head over to the passenger side of the door once you heard a hard tap come from the window. Once you saw it was Peter, you turned to face the front and unlocked the door without looking back at him.

He opened the door and sat down beside you in the passenger seat without saying anything. He was soaking wet from head to toe and while you were annoyed he was getting the inside of your car wet, you had more important things to focus on.

It was too quiet for your liking but there wasn’t anything you wanted to say to him. Frankly, you weren’t sure why you even let him in.

“ How did you sleep?” Peter asked quietly as he tested the waters.

It was clear that you were in some type of mood but Peter never knew how to approach situations like this, especially since he didn’t know why you were so upset.

“ I slept fine, you?”

“ Good I guess,” Peter shrugged as he shifted awkwardly in his seat,” are you okay? Are you upset about what happened last night-”

“ No,” You said truthfully as you leaned your head back against the headrest,” I mean, yes, I’m okay but no I’m not upset about last night.”

“ Well something is clearly bothering you and I just want to help. You know you can tell me anything, I mean it Y/N, we’re friends now. We shouldn’t be hiding things from each other,” Peter said as you let out a dry laugh.

You knew you couldn’t reveal everything to Peter about what your dad had told you but it didn’t stop you from feeling angry.

“ Okay, you want to be honest, lets be honest. When were you going to tell me that you collapsed at the lab?” You asked as you turned your whole body to face him,” my dad told me this morning.”

Peter inhaled deeply but looked you straight in the eye,” I was going to tell you... eventually. It’s not like I had time to really sit down with you, I know you’re going through a lot right now and I didn’t want to stress you out. Besides, I feel fine now, it’s not a big deal.”

It was a big deal, he could die. That’s what you wanted to tell him. His life was at stake and yet you were keeping this big secret from him. It was hypocritical and wrong and if anyone else had told you, you would’ve revealed to Peter about his worsening condition.

But it was your dad who told you to keep things a secret for now and you just had to trust him for both of your sakes.

You looked at him for a moment as you studied his face while he did the same to you. It was as if you both had so much on your mind yet no one wanted to be the first one to detonate the bomb.

“ I’m just so tired Peter. I’m tired of having conflicted feelings on whether or not this lovedust has been creating more problems than solving them… Whatever this is between us, I like it a lot but I hate feeling so pathetic to the point where I actually enjoy the feeling of having a guy give me attention only because of some space shit,” You turned your attention back to the steering wheel,” How do we carry on with our lives once you’re cured? What’s stopping you from being a complete asshole to me like before?”

“ I told you, nothing has to change. No matter what happens, we’ll always be in each other’s lives as friends or something more. I would never treat you the way I did in the past, I swear on my life.”

Peter could feel the energy in the car shift right as he finished speaking but there was nothing he could do to change the course of the conversation. The path had already been set and now, he just had to strap in and hope he could hang on.

“ How am I supposed to believe that? How do I know anything you’re saying is true? Everything this lovedust has been built on is a lie, you don’t love me Peter. It’s a fucking chemical reaction that is messing with your body,” You snapped loudly but Peter hardly flinched,” your mind and body has been corrupted by a parasite. You say you love me but if you take the lovedust away, you don’t. It’s that simple.”

“ Just because it’s a chemical reaction doesn’t mean that the way I’m feeling is a lie. I spend so many nights thinking about you and how happy you make me so for you to say that I don’t actually love you-”

“ Are you listening to yourself? You love me because of the dust, why is that so hard for you to understand? Love is supposed to be natural, this is not natural! If the way you’re feeling isn’t a lie, look me in the eye right now and tell me, did you love me before the lovedust?” You asked as you turned back to face him,” tell me the honest truth, did you love me?”

Peter felt like his body was burning up in the worst possible way and his throat felt dry as he thought carefully. It was so hard for him to see how terrible he was in the past because of the lovedust, all he could think when he saw you was just utter love.

You were visibly hurt, even if you were shouting at him he could read you like a book and there was something that he knew was there but he just couldn’t figure out what it was. It felt like some sort of test that Peter had to decipher; he didn’t have all of the pieces of the puzzle so how was he supposed to get the full picture?

“ I don’t...no. No I didn’t,” Peter said softly as you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding,” but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care about you.”

There it was, the million-dollar answer to the million-dollar question. Of course he didn’t love you, he had tormented you for years. Your dad’s “theory” was right, the lovedust didn’t matter if he had loved you beforehand. It could’ve been anyone.

So even if you might’ve known all along, why did it hurt and why were you upset?

“ Stop lying to me. You never cared about me, you loved humiliating me,” You said in a shaky breath,” you loved seeing me cry and you loved it when I got mad. I could see it all across your face, you loved making me absolutely miserable. So you can say you love me all you want now, but I know the truth. You don’t understand, this lovedust is ruining me, Peter. Do you know how painful it is to be tormented for years and all of a sudden, the same person is now in love with you just like that?”

“ Ruining you? You didn’t touch the damn thing! And you want to talk about pain-Do you know how painful it is to love you?” Peter shouted as he felt his voice crack,” If I’m not near you, I feel like I’m going to die but when I’m around you, my chest feels like it’s going to burst open and it’s painful. I’m in pain right when I wake up in the morning to right before I go to sleep everyday because the mere thought of you drives me insane-”

“ I didn’t ask for you to love me-”

“ I didn’t ask to love you either!” Peter shouted back louder, this time to make sure you would stop interrupting him,” My body feels weak all the time, I’m fucking falling apart because I love you so much. So don’t tell me that I’m lying about loving you because that’s all I feel when I look at you. Even when I’m pissed off I still love you but if you think for one second I’m going to sit here and let you attack me for my past that I have already apologized for, then I don’t want to hear it.”

Peter gave you one last look before getting out of your car and straight into the rain. Peter slammed the car door behind him so hard to where the door completely fell off the hinges but Peter was so angry that he kept walking away.

“ You fucking...ugh!” You screamed as you got out of your car and followed behind him.

You were completely livid, you both were being unfair but just because he was going through a different type of pain than you didn’t mean yours hurt any less.

You shouted after Peter but the rain was so loud to the point where you considered that maybe he just couldn’t hear you. You sped up your pace to the point where you almost slipped against the concrete.

“ You don’t get to tell me that I can’t be mad at the past Peter when it’s only been a week since you got infected!” You yelled as you grabbed Peter’s arm to stop him from walking away from you,” Just because you apologized doesn’t mean I can let it go so easily. For years, you made me feel like I would be alone for the rest of my life because no one would ever love me!”

Peter whipped his head back around to face you as you kept a strong grip around his wrist,“ And I’m telling you now that I love you and I was a fucking idiot for hurting you. Jesus Y/N I am sorry but we’ve had this conversation before so why are you mad at me?”

All you could focus on were his eyes, which were darting back and fourth across your face as if he was pleading with you. You had pushed him across the line so many times but now, Peter was pushing back because he just needed a clear answer.

You both were tired of yelling and fighting and in this moment, Peter was so close to tearing down the walls you had set up for years to keep yourself safe against him. It was eating away at you because deep down, you knew why you were mad at him, you just didn’t know if you could bring yourself to let it slip out of your mouth.

The rain sounded muffled and all you could think about was how cold you were feeling. You were somewhat forcing yourself to focus on anything other than Peter but you were trapped in his desperate gaze.

You felt your breath hitch as you could feel yourself getting choked up,” I’m mad...I’m mad because the way you feel about me right now, it’s fleeting... it’s temporary. One day when you’re cured, you’re going to stop loving me and that terrifies me.”

Peter squeezed your hand and you didn’t even realize that while you were talking, the grip you had around his wrist had moved to interlock your fingers with his. You could feel your chest tighten as you moved your eyes down to your hands and you slowly moved your gaze to meet Peter’s.

“ Why does it terrify you?” Peter asked softly and now it was your turn to plead with him using your eyes as if you were saying please don’t make me say it.

Maybe a part of Peter knew that you wouldn’t admit that maybe, there was something developing between the two of you that you just couldn’t bring yourself to admit. But Peter knew you well and even as he read you like a book, he wanted to hear it for himself.

“ I’m terrified because…” You almost said it as a whisper and even Peter was having a hard time hearing you because his heart was beating so loudly,” because I…”

You swallowed hard as you looked down at his lips and even if it was just for a second, Peter caught you staring. Peter felt his knees weaken and he was seconds away from just pulling you into his arms but it was your move.

Peter had given you all the power and while a part of him felt relieved, it didn’t stop him from reaching up and tucking a strand of wet hair behind your ear. This was the moment he had been waiting for.

He had given you all of the puzzle pieces you needed except he saved the last one just for you. He wanted you to put the last piece in so that way you two could step back together and admire all of the hard work you put into it.

You would’ve. You were going to let him know everything and unravel in his arms because finally, you could let go.

You wanted nothing more than to pick up that stupid puzzle piece and slam it into the puzzle to show him you were serious. You were going to let your walls crumble down and for once, you were going to be fearless.

But you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“ I can’t,” You said softly as you let go of Peter’s hand and practically rushed back towards the building, leaving Peter alone in the rain.

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seanfalco · 3 years ago

Text

Learning How to Make Love | Misfits Timeline Anomaly’verse

an oc x oc collaboration between @seanfalco & @super-unpredictable98

Word Count: 5.1k Warnings: Smut, nothing extreme lol a/n: This is the direct continuation of A Cure for Stage Fright.

[ masterlist ]

Lydia noticed Win was quiet on the way back home after the scene outside the venue. It was definitely one of the downsides of their job — people feeling entitled to your body, to your personal life...

Knowing how hard it could be, she simply held her girlfriend's hand, rubbing soothing circles with her thumb, hoping that by the time they got home she would feel a little bit better.

"Finally!" Lydia sighed as they arrived at the flat. "I need a shower... do you wanna go first, Winnie? Or come with me?" she offered.

"Can I come with you?" Lyddie's Nathan exclaimed, raising his hand.

"Have you just performed for a venue full of people?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "Didn't think so."

“Would you mind if I join you?” Win asked quietly, not really wanting to wait around in her sweaty clothes, and the thought of being close to Lydia sounded nice.

"Not at all, come on.” Locking arms with Win, Lydia led her to the bathroom. "Are you okay, baby? Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked, quickly undressing before waiting for the water to get warm to climb in the shower, her hair draping down her neck like a blue curtain as soon as the water hit it.

Win joined her girlfriend and traded places with her, letting the water run over her as well. “I’m fine...” she sighed. “I dunno why it got t’me like that. I’m not usually the type to get rattled so easily.”

"It sucks, I know, but don't let it ruin your night, those wankers don't deserve it," Lydia murmured, lathering her hands with shampoo and running her fingers through Win’s hair, carefully untangling it and letting her hands slide down do massage her shoulders. "We're safe, we did amazing, and I love you."

“Aw babe, I love you too,” Win murmured, letting Lydia’s soft massage ease her further. “It felt like the first time we played together, didn’t it,” she mused, catching Lyddie’s eye as she twisted to look at her over her shoulder.

"Yeah, if I knew then that you'd be my girlfriend I wouldn't have wasted my time being so nervous and awkward... you made me forget how to breathe," Lyddie laughed before kissing her lips softly. "Playing with you is the best."

“I’m unbelievably lucky,” Win agreed, kissing her back before having her spin so she could help wash Lyddie’s long hair.

“What’s takin’ so long?” Win’s Nathan called through the door. “You two aren’t gettin’ it on without us are yeh?”

"Yes, I'm finger banging Winnie as we speak!" Lydia shouted back and winked at her. "I'm the lucky one, baby."

"Hey! If you two don't come out soon, we're gonna eat all the leftovers!" Lyddie's Nathan threatened.

“You just want us t’stop shaggin’ cuz you want a turn!” Win called with a laugh, remembering all too well how badly Lyddie’s Nathan wanted a second round. “I am hungry though,” she admitted as her stomach rumbled.

"Yeah, me too..." Lydia turned off the water. "I don't doubt they’d eat it all out of spite,” she laughed, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around herself before grabbing one for Win. "So, um, did your Nathan ever mention finding something out about me? Like bragging or...?"

Win tilted her head. Shit shit shit, she thought, her mind racing. He had found out about the one thing... while they were in New York, but should she tell her that?

“Uhm, no, what d’you mean?” she asked anxiously. She wished Lyddie’s Nathan were there so she could ask what he thought she should say.

"It's just today he did something... but I never told him I like it, so my Nathan thinks he just picked up on 'signs' but I don't think I have any," Lydia mused, slightly terrified that she actually had several tells that everyone could see except for her.

Win glanced away. She’d picked up on some signs too, outside of what she’d managed to weasel out of Lyddie’s Nathan, but she wasn’t sure if now was exactly the time to tell Lyddie that. “I’m sure that’s all it is. I mean, I know Nate’s not always the brightest, but he likes you a lot, so of course he’s gunna pay attention to things you seem to like.”

"Oh... okay." Lydia looked down, feeling slightly self-conscious. If he picked up the signs, that must mean Win did too, which was her worst nightmare. She remembered all too well how Alisha and Kelly had reacted when Nathan decided to run his mouth. "I mean, I'm not complaining, it just freaked me out for a second."

Win frowned, sensing Lyddie's unease. "You okay? You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I'd never judge you, Lyds."

"Yeah yeah, sure, I just... I have a few things... What Natty said that night at the restaurant, about me liking to watch people eat..." Lydia whispered, her cheeks turning red. "It’s true. I know it's kinda weird, but there are worse things."

"I don't think that's weird," Win murmured, noticing how embarrassed just admitting that seemed to be for her, and she knew she needed to tread lightly, already knowing what worse things she meant.

"I think it's kinda hot sometimes when people eat too," she offered. "Besides, I'm not here to yuck on anyone's yums. Kinks are weird sometimes, doesn't make you any less valid," she said with a shrug. "And if your partners are willing t'do those things for you, then it obviously doesn't bother them."

Lydia took a deep breath, and without another word, just held Win against her chest. "You are so sweet, I don't deserve you," she whispered. She was so relieved that her girlfriend didn't mind that.

Okay, that was done, now there was only one thing left to say... it would be so much easier to just say it!

"Hey, I'm turnin' on the oven in five minutes," Lyddie's Nathan warned, interrupting her thoughts.

"We're coming out, you prick," she chuckled.

Win squeezed Lyddie back, glad that she could put her at ease at least a little, just like Lyddie’d done for her, lingering in her embrace for a while. Throwing on a t-shirt and panties, Win opened the door. "I'm so starvingggg," she groaned.

"Me too!" Lydia followed Win with a giggle. She would turn on the oven and do things the traditional way, but she was too hungry for that. "Nats, can you be a dear and heat that up for us? I can't wait fifteen minutes," she whined, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Fine..." her Nathan replied, pretending to be very inconvenienced by her request, but picking up the casserole dish and warming it with his powers.

"Thank you, Natty," Win purred, stretching on her toes to place a kiss to his cheek and ruffling his hair.

"Oh there you are," her Nathan exclaimed, coming out of the other room. "Took y'two long enough," he grumbled and she spared a kiss for him too.

"Sorry, girl talk," Lydia shrugged, cutting what was left of the lasagna in four parts, carefully serving it with some extra parmesan on top.

"That's what they call it these days?" her Nathan taunted before taking the first bite.

"I suppose it is..." Lydia said, joining the others on the couch.

"Wish you were a girl?" Win teased, poking Lyddie's Nathan in the side.

"No, but I wish I could've been included..." he grunted.

"We didn't shag, stop whining," Lydia nudged his arm. "You know I hate shower sex."

"Oh really? What about New York?"

"That was different," Lydia looked between Win and both Nathans.

Win's grin faltered, remembering how she'd bungled that opportunity and quickly looked down at her plate, focusing on her lasagna.

"Oh, how could I forget?" her Nathan exclaimed. "I wish we had a shower that fuckin' fancy."

"Hey, remember what we did on the sink though...?" Lydia whispered, feeling how upset Win got over the comment.

"We were gonna get a bigger flat with a bathroom like that, y'know," Lyddie's Nathan explained. "In West London, but we like this one too much."

"Course I remember," Win whispered back, offering a small smile, trying not to let it bother her before snorting and raising her voice. "Oh yeah, I'm sure that's the reason," she teased.

Lyddie's Nathan stuck his tongue out. The truth was, after they started saving for the New York flat, they didn't have the money to move to West London.

"But when we go back to New York we can get a nice place," Lydia mumbled. "We need to be close to the Brooks Atkinson, so I don't need to take the subway every day."

"I'm excited to go back," Win murmured, trying to imagine what life would be like there, what their flat might look like.

"Me too," her Nathan agreed, slipping his arm around her.

"Yeah, I can't wait. Can you guys imagine how Halloween is gonna be?" Lydia finished the last bit of her dinner and set the plate on the coffee table, getting up to grab some water.

"Good luck thinkin' of a couples costume for a quad," her Nathan teased.

"I'm sure we'll think of something," Win mused, setting her plate aside and laying back, spreading herself over both Nathan's laps, covering the large yawn that cracked her jaw.

"Hey now, none of that!" her Nathan exclaimed, jostling her slightly.

"Yeah, I haven't gotten your knickers soaked yet!" Lyddie's Nathan protested. "No gettin' tired now, Winnie!"

"Oh, come on, let her sleep if she's tired," Lydia came back with a glass of water in hand. "I might go to bed soon too..."

Win groaned softly. She didn't want to be tired. "You can try," she murmured with a smile for Lyddie's Nathan.

"What? Not you too," Win's Nathan whined, looking up at Lydia.

"Challenge accepted..." Lyddie’s Nathan exclaimed, pulling Win into his lap and kissing from her chest, to her neck, to her lips. "Let's wake you up, huh?"

"What? You had other plans?" Lydia gave Win's Nathan her best innocent look.

"Well... yeah," Win's Nathan spluttered, sitting up to reach for her. "Thought we could... y'know!" he exclaimed. "Don't y'remember?" he asked, humping the air.

"Of course I do, I'm just dicking with you," Lydia ran her fingers through his curls. "I also remember that I said you MIGHT get lucky, it wasn't a promise..."

Win responded slowly at first, but each press of Nathan's lips to her skin seemed to light a fire in her, warming her til she kissed him back with a sigh. "Jeeze, you're persistent aren't you?" she murmured.

"I wasn't the one horny as we were about t'leave. Well... I was, but I wasn't the only one!" Lyddie's Nathan pointed out, circling Win's nipples with his thumbs. "I remember you sayin' you'd need somethin' after the show to take th’edge off..."

Win sighed, arching instinctively into his touch. "I dunno, I think that shower took most of the edge off actually. Hence, why I'm sleepy," she teased, her own fingers finding his nipples to tease him back.

Win's Nathan stuck his bottom lip out in an over exaggerated pout, hoping to gain some sympathy as he gazed up at Lydia with his best puppy dog eyes.

"Don't look at me like that..." Lydia tried to look away, but it was too late. "That's not the best way to get me horny, I can tell you that," she said, sitting back down next to him. "But I think you know that by now..."

"Oh, I know," Win's Nathan mused, "but I also know y'can't resist these gorgeous eyes o' mine," he said with a grin, pulling Lydia into his lap, tracing the dark mark at her neck with his finger, letting it run down her shoulder, hooking under her shirt and pulling it down so he could press his lips to her skin.

"Okay then..." Lyddie's Nathan decided to call Win’s bluff. "Good night, Winnie, I love you!" Kissing her forehead, his fingers gently brushed over the marks on her neck.

Win frowned before her lips quirked slightly upward. Fuck, but she loved this man. "Oh, okay, I see how it is," she said, pinching his nipples harder and rolling them between her fingers through his thin t-shirt.

"Ouch!" Lyddie's Nathan gaped, he definitely did not expect that reaction. "If you wanted t'shag me so bad, you could've just asked..." he teased, smirking as he bucked his hips against her.

"You cocky bastard," Lydia's breath hitched slightly, feeling tingly just from the softest kiss, her goosebumps giving away her excitement again. "You think you know me so well, but I wouldn't be too confident if I were you," she teased, brushing her lips along his jaw.

"Oh? Well, why don'tcha fill me in, darlin'?" he asked, his eyes flicking up to hers as he tilted his head, allowing her better access to his jawline as his arms snaked around her waist.

"Well, you already know about the food thing..." Lydia muttered, feeling her face burn with embarrassment even though everyone else seemed okay with it. "And the chugging thing..."

He must've noticed, right?

"But maybe with time you'll find more," she mused.

Win shrieked softly, laughing as she squirmed in Lyddie's Nathan's lap. "I always wanna shag you, you twat," she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his neck as he pulled her closer. "You know exactly what you do t'me. I can never resist you for long," she whispered.

"Oh? I had no idea I caused such a fuss," Lyddie's Nathan gasped with fake surprise. "So you can't resist me, huh?” he murmured, pulling her shirt over her head and kissing his way to her breasts. "That's good t'know, Winnie..."

Win sighed, her fingers running through Nathan's curls as he bent to kiss her. "I shouldn't give you a bigger ego than you already have..." she murmured, her breath catching.

"Big ego? Me? Nah," Lyddie's Nathan scoffed. "It's not my fault I have two sexy birds who can't resist my charms..." his hand reached between Win's legs, under her knickers. "Seems like it's workin', I have you soaked."

"So, you do," Win admitted, "not that it's hard," she laughed. "Natty," she said softly after a moment, pressing her forehead to his. "I want you to make love to me. Not fucking, not shaggin', but... y'know?"

Win's Nathan smiled softly. "I'd like to find out more," he whispered, "I wanna know everythin' there is t'know about you," he insisted, his hands slipping up under Lydia’s shirt.

"That's actually sweet..." Lydia stopped moving for a moment, thinking about the possibility of telling him, he would have the same reaction as her own Nathan, but... the issue was, telling him meant telling Win as well. "...But some things are better kept secret, right?"

Win's Nathan frowned for a moment, his thumbs moving in slow circles against Lyddie's skin. "Alright then, keep your secrets," he said, pressing his lips to hers. "You can tell me whenever you're ready.”

His frown made her want to tell him everything, he was so sweet asking her... "If I really have as many tells as Nathan says I do, you might already know, and it's a little scary to me," she admitted, hiding against his chest.

"Wait what?" Lyddie's Nathan was taken by surprise, that was certainly new, no one had ever asked him to do that before. "I mean, sure... I can do that," he wasn't sure how, but he was willing to find out.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve asked,” Win murmured, playing it off with a small laugh.

"No! I'm fine with it, we can do it! I just have never done it before... but I want to," he took her hands. "Come on, y'can show me."

“I don’t ever want y’to feel... scared,” Win’s Nathan said softly, rubbing Lydia’s back soothingly. “I love you...”

"I love you too," Lydia murmured, holding him tighter. "I'm not scared of you... not exactly..." she mumbled, feeling slightly guilty for killing the mood with her insecurities. Win’s Nathan felt Lydia’s grasp on him tighten and he stroked her hair, past caring if got any or not, more worried about making sure Lydia was alright.

Win nodded, she glanced over to Lyddie and her Nathan who seemed to be having a moment of their own. “Shall we...?” she asked, nodding toward the bedroom. It might be best for them to give the other couple some space.

"Yeah yeah, sure," Lyddie's Nathan murmured; looking over at them he immediately understood, following Win to their room.

"So, should I get naked, or...?" he cleared his throat, unsure of what the next step might be.

Win bit her lip as she sat on the edge of the bed, taking Lyddie’s Nathan’s hand and drawing him closer. “Here, let me,” she murmured, lifting his shirt, her palms skimming over his warm skin before going to the waist of his jeans, looking up at him as she unbuttoned them, easing them down his hips to fall to the floor with his shirt. Closing her eyes she pressed her lips to his navel as she eased his boxers down, her hand gliding over his length, stroking him lightly before she lifted her chin and opened her eyes, finding him watching her open mouthed.

"So far... I like it," Lyddie's Nathan nodded, agape. He brought Win up and kissed her gently, sliding down her knickers. "I love you," he breathed softly against her lips pulling her close, his hands roaming her body with no rush, just wanting to feel every last bit of her. "Am I doin' it right?"

Win grinned against his lips, her hands coming up to hold his face. “Yes, you’re doin’ it right. I mean, it’s basically just shagging, but softer? Taking your time t’savour the other person and carin’ as much about their pleasure as your own,” she explained.

"Oh, I get it..." Lyddie's Nathan nodded, lowering Win to the bed. "Sounds like a good time," he joked, kissing her neck over every single hickey he left earlier, idly wondering why Lyds never asked him to make love to her. "Y'look so beautiful," he murmured, pulling back to admire her.

Win stretched out under him, her arms thrown over her head. “So are you,” she murmured, watching him with a soft smile on her face. “I love you so much,” she said, reaching for him, pulling him down atop her. “I wanna make you feel good, Nathan.”

Lyddie's Nathan resisted the urge to move things faster, to tease Win until she begged, he wanted to feel her, to appreciate that moment. "I wanna make you feel good too," his hand slowly slid between them, finding her clit and circling it slowly while his lips found hers. "How's that? Do you like that, baby?"

“Uh huh,” Win moaned, reaching between them to stroke his cock as she pulled him closer with her other hand, kissing him tenderly.

Lyddie's Nathan squirmed, moaning softly into Win's kiss, rolling his hips to meet her hand without realizing. "I need you," he purred. "I need you so bad, Winnie."

“I need you too, Natty,” Win breathed, guiding his cock to her entrance as she held his gaze. “I love you so much.”

"I love you too, baby," Lyddie's Nathan gasped silently as he pushed himself into her, being mindful of every move, holding Win as close as humanly possible. "You feel so good."

“Oh,” Win moaned as he filled her slowly, different from his usual rough thrusts. “Oh, you feel so good, too,” she breathed, pressing her forehead to his as he moved in her and she held him close, wanting to feel every inch of him pressed to her, closer than ever before as they moved together.

Lyddie's Nathan had never felt so connected to Win and suddenly he remembered what she said about wanting to spend the rest of her life with them, and he knew in that moment, he had to find a way to propose to her.

"My Winnie," he whispered with a grin before kissing her again.

Win felt tears prick her eyes as he whispered her name like that, overwhelmed with emotion and she buried her face against his shoulder so he wouldn’t see. “Nathan, I’m close!” she cried, wanting desperately to come together.

"Me too, baby, come for me," Lyddie's Nathan groaned, moving slightly faster, firmly holding Win against him, one hand on her neck, the other on her thigh as her leg hooked around his waist.

Her climax crashed over her like a wave and she cried out, tensing under Lyddie’s Nathan, her arms tightening around him. “Oh Nathan! I’m yours, I’m yours!” she cried, feeling him filling her, giving several more shuddering thrusts before he stilled, not moving yet, not pulling out of her, just breathing together.

"Jesus, that was... different," Lyddie's Nathan spluttered, trying to catch his breath. "It was so good though. God, I love you so much," he panted, trying not to show how vulnerable he felt at that moment. "Hey,” he murmured, guiding Win’s eyes to his. “Remember those things you said when we were high in the City? D'you mean it?"

Win blinked at his question, trying to remember exactly what she’d said.

I wanna be with you and Lyddie forever.

“Yeah... yeah, I meant it,” she said softly as the memory hit her. “I can’t imagine my life without you, without all of you,” she whispered.

"Good, I feel the same way..." Lyddie's Nathan slowly pulled out and fell on his back, pulling Win to rest her head on his chest. "Should we be worried at how quiet the others are outside? Lyddie’s usually quite loud when she... d’you think she's okay?" he asked.

Win listened, she didn’t hear anything either, but she wasn’t as worried. “I think they’re alright. Maybe Nathan wanted t’be gentle too,” she mused, snuggling closer.

"Gentle with Lyddie? Good luck with that," he laughed and kissed the top of Win's head. "I'm so happy everythin' seems t'be fallin' into place, it's hard t'imagine a year ago that I was homeless and miserable."

Win lifted her face to watch Lyddie’s Nathan’s expression as she idly traced patterns against his chest. “You deserve t’be happy,” she said, remembering her own time with Nathan at the Community Centre, at how happy he seemed when he suddenly felt needed, important.

"I think we all do after all the shit we've been through," Lyddie's Nathan sighed; he was so tempted to make a ring appear out of thin air and propose right then and there, but he didn't think it would be fair to her Nathan.

Win sighed, completely content, suddenly feeling the exhaustion that she had kept at bay earlier crash over her and her eyes grew heavy. She tried to say something to Lyddie’s Nathan but the words came out more of an incomprehensible mumble.

Lyddie's Nathan watched as Win fell asleep in his arms, so peaceful. Pulling the covers from the edge of the bed, he let that relaxation take over him as well.

——

"I'm making a big deal out of it, it's stupid," Lydia shook her head, trying to take Win's Nathan's shirt off. "Don't worry, just shag me, be rough with me..." she said, trying to push those thoughts aside.

“Hey, hey, it’s not stupid,” Win’s Nathan insisted, gently fighting off her attempt at undressing him, grasping her wrists til she calmed. “What if I don’t wanna be rough with you?” he asked, concern twisting his features.

"But... I like it when you are," Lydia said. She felt slightly worried. In her mind, when someone didn't have a burning desire that made them wanna jump her bones, it's because they didn't find her attractive. "Did I do something wrong?" she asked quietly.

“What? No!” Win’s Nathan exclaimed. “I-I, that’s not—“ he groaned.

“I like bein’ rough with you Lyddie, I like shaggin’ your brains out, but... but right now it feels like you’re usin’ that as a way of distractin’ yourself or somethin’ and I don’t wanna do that if you’re upset.” Any other time and he wouldn’t have argued, jumping at the opportunity, but this was different, he actually cared about how Lyddie felt. She wasn’t just some one time shag.

"Alright," Lydia agreed. "If I told you something, would you be able to keep it a secret? I'm not ready to tell Win yet. I will, but I'm just a little scared of her reaction, you know? So, can we keep it between us for now? It's totally fine if you can't... I shouldn't be asking you this..." Lydia babbled, shaking her head — his loyalty to Win was probably bigger than all of this, and she couldn't blame him for that.

Win’s Nathan bit his lip, considering. He didn’t like keeping things from Win, but if Lyddie had a good reason, then he would. “I won’t tell her if y’don’t want me to,” he assured her. “I think you should trust her with whatever it is though. She loves you so much, you know that right ? She’d never judge you for anythin��,” he pointed out.

"So everyone keeps telling me. I love her way too much, I don't want her to look at me differently, I just need to find the right way to say it..." Lydia bit her nails nervously. "The thing is... well, you see... I have this thing..." Before she completely lost the nerve, she quickly whispered it in his ear, expecting him to laugh, which would be completely understandable, she had learned to laugh at it ages ago.

Nathan listened to Lyddie’s secret, holding his breath, waiting for some terrible thing, but... he already knew it. So did Win.

Should he tell her that Win already knew and didn’t care or should she give Lyddie the opportunity to tell Win herself. Though, maybe if he told her... she could feel less worried about the whole thing, but if he revealed that... then he’d reveal that he already knew as well and he wasn’t sure how she’d feel about that.

“Oh really?” he said, grinning at her. “If that’s th’case then I’m the most powerful man in th’universe.”

Lydia laughed, feeling slightly better about it, a warm affection growing inside of her mixed with desire. "Yeah, yeah you are, you mannerless bastard," she giggled, leaning in to kiss him, burying her fingers in his messy curls. "I love you, Nathan."

“I love yeh too, Lydia,” Win’s Nathan replied, squeezing her tightly as he kissed her. “D’you feel a little better now?”

"Yeah, I love you too," she sighed with a huge smile. "I feel much better, you should be flattered, I’ve never told anyone before," she joked, tilting her head to kiss his neck.

“I’m glad yeh trust me so much,” Nathan breathed, affection filling his chest and he moaned softly as she kissed his neck. “Y’know, you can trust me when I say that you shouldn’t worry bout what Win thinks,” he said, pulling Lydia closer, as he rolled his hips to meet her.

"I know, I'm gonna tell her, I just need to find the courage to do it..." Lydia's sentence was interrupted by a quiet whimper as Win's Nathan teased her. "Oh, okay," she snaked her hands under his shirt. "By the way, try not to use this against me too often..." she joked.

“I won’t, with great power comes great responsibility, after all,” Nathan joked, a grin tugging at his lips. “Cross my heart and hope t’die,” he added, capturing Lydia’s mouth in a passionate kiss.

"Hope to die, do you? I don't know why I don't believe you..." she mocked, kissing him back, this time successfully pulling his shirt over his head. " You bloody tease," she huffed a soft laugh before kissing his heaving chest.

“I would die for you!” Win’s Nathan panted, freeing Lydia from her shirt as well, urging her to keep grinding against him. “Just because I’ll come back t’life again afterwards doesn’t make it mean any less!” he laughed between kisses.

"I'm honored, Natty," Lydia laughed, quickly unzipping his jeans and palming his cock, stroking it rhythmically, as she hungrily sought his lips. "You don't have to be rough with me tonight, I just wanna feel you," she begged, her arousal pooling between her legs.

“Oh, Lyddie,” Win’s Nathan groaned, bucking against her hand. “I didn’t mean that I didn’t want yeh. I want yeh so bad! I just didn’t want... I didn’t want yeh to feel like you needed to be used to feel like I wanted yeh.”

"That's the only way I ever known," she shrugged, pulling her knickers to the side and sitting back on Win's Nathan's lap, sliding his length inside of her. "But I like it this way too," she moaned quietly. "I never thought I'd see you being so... sentimental."

“I hope that’s not a turn off,” Win’s Nathan chuckled nervously, his eyelids fluttering as she began to ride him, rolling her hips to draw him deeper.

"Usually I'm not a fan of sentimental, or polite, or gentle... but I love you no matter what, so I'm very much turned on right now," Lydia held onto Win's Nathan's shoulders moving in sync with their breathing.

“O-oh,” Win’s Nathan gasped. “Well that’s good t’know,” he mumbled, thrusting up into her harder. If she didn’t like it gentle, then he wouldn’t be gentle. Sometimes he forgot how different Win and Lydia were.

"Yes!" Lydia threw her head back moving faster in response. "I love you, Natty, I want you with me forever," she mumbled without thinking about the words she said, she just felt them as they dripped out of her mouth. "I can't live without you."

“Fuck, Lyddie, I love you too!” Win’s Nathan gasped, his hands on her hips urging her to move faster as she bounced on him. “I can’t live without yeh either!” he exclaimed, crushing her against his chest as he exploded inside her, trying to ignore the thoughts that had suddenly taken hold and the crushing doubt that came with them.

Why would Lyddie say yes to him if Win already hadn’t, besides, she was already engaged to his clone…

"Oh, Nathan, Nathan, please..." Lydia cried. "I'm gonna—" she had to hide against Win's Nathan's shoulder not to scream as she came, feeling her whole body contract and relax, pleasure rushing through her. "Oh my God, you're perfect," she shuddered, her body giving out completely. "Is everything okay, baby?"

Win’s Nathan, wrapped his arms around Lydia, resting his cheek against her hair. The last thing he wanted to do was worry her, especially after everything she’d confessed to him earlier. “Everythin’s perfect, princess. You’re perfect.”

"Okay," Lyddie yawned, putting her shirt back on. "Two shags and show, I'm exhausted," she said, stumbling her way to the room, stopping midway to look over her shoulder with a sleepy smile. "Are you coming, Nate?"

“Yeah, I’ll be right there, babe,” he said, sitting up. Shooting a smile at Lyddie before she rounded the corner he rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his face to his hands.

What did it matter if Lyddie was marrying the other him? And Win still loved him, it wasn’t like she didn’t just because she’d turned him down the first time. So why did he suddenly feel so empty?

Not wanting Lyddie to worry he swallowed those thoughts and followed her to the bedroom, finding her already in bed and Win asleep in his clone’s arms.

Tag list: @magic-multicolored-miracle @santacarlahorrorshow @messengeronthemoon @the-freckled-luba @firstpersonnarrator @spanishmossmagnolia @salvador-daley @forenschik @a-ghoulish-tale @love-is-dirty-baby @vonkimmeren @violetrainbow412-blog

#misfits #nathan young #nathan young smut #nathan young x oc #nathan x win #nathan x lyddie #otp: green apple lollipop #timeline anomaly’verse #collaboration #misfits fic #robert sheehan character fic

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scary-senpai · 2 years ago

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Hello! I once read your post about Bang's red flags and it was very eye-opening to me 'cause I liked his char and chose to ignore all his behaviors 😩😩 Thank you very much!🤝🌷🌷

Oh, thank you so much for writing, lovely Internet Stranger! I’m assuming you’re talking about the one from my main blog, “Bang is made almost entirely of out red flags" ^_^ You probably are, because that's literally the title... But I know I've posted about him on here, too.

I think the "red flags" essay was the first fandom essay I ever wrote? I think I hammered it out at some wee hour of the morning and went to bed fully expecting OPM-Tumblr to come for my kneecaps during the night. I was pleasantly surprised to see that most people seemed to enjoy/appreciate it.

So, I’m glad you enjoyed my essay, but I didn’t intend to guilt you or make you feel wrong for liking a particular character. I do my best to keep my language at least somewhat neutral and not to be too harsh about anything, but I’m certainly not out to yuck anybody else’s yum. Also, when it comes to the “constantly beating your disciples thing”… I sometimes wonder if I’m being too harsh considering the piece of media. By and large, the audience is here to open up a beautifully inked can of whup-ass, not to watch an estranged disciple hug it out with his former mentor (although there’s certainly a highly invested/very vocal subset that is dying to see that).

I think it’s definitely okay to like a character even if they aren’t exactly a role model (or even if they’re the opposite of a role model)—I feel like that’s sometimes the point, actually. We can dissect behavior in fiction to an extent that we can’t in real life, so it’s a low-stakes place to talk about human behavior and gain insights applicable IRL. I appreciated Bang’s character more after I put all the pieces together. I mean, which is a more interesting story? Bang is the perfect mentor, and Garou goes down a dark path anyway? Or Bang does his best to help Garou but makes some notable missteps, and perhaps comes painfully close to getting it right, only to fall victim to a longstanding character flaw—I don’t know, maybe losing his temper at a time when Garou most needed compassion and patience? The second example is more interesting, I think—it gives us something to talk about.

I try to own up to my own bias, because I do find myself projecting a lot of my own emotions on Bang and Garou’s relationship. Around the time I started watching OPM, I had transitioned out of my long-time job in a rather toxic environment. It was my first real job out of school, and I worked for 7 years under someone who was very brilliant and had overcome some of the same obstacles that I did, but unfortunately he was also quite angry and downright manipulative at points. I stayed for a long time because I didn’t know any better, and I’m still kind of untangling that, honestly. He taught me a lot about systems, operations, and human behavior, and all of the skills I learned are fine as long as you use them in a neutral way--my boss was just super mean about everything. (He had mostly worked in high-stress finance jobs although we were in healthcare/human services, and I assume he was just carrying out the cycle of abuse when he told me things like: "if you worked for me at JP Morgan, you could get fired for making a mistake like this." ...And my mistake was double-sided copies instead of single-sided ones. Like, I am a salaried employee working 60+ hours per week, and I am still barely making rent, my guy. For JP Morgan money I will gladly eat your files instead of shredding them.) In any case, I feel a little conflicted when I pull these lessons out, even if I’m using them differently… like, "ugh, ex-Boss, why did you have to be so mean and so brilliant and so right all time..." It almost seems a bit like the scene where Garou pulls out Fist of Flowing Water Crushing Rock on the Tank-Toppers because he has no other choice. So actually, instead of thinking back to my ex-mentor I try to think of that scene instead ^_^ it saves me dredging up something unpleasant.

#one punch man #opm #meta #bang #eventually he went on medical leave and I ended up running pretty much the whole company #I made really good money towards the end *but* still way less than I should have been #which actually kinda f*cked them over because they didn’t think they had the budget to replace me #and because the pay scale was messed up junior roles in another location still made more than me when you controlled for cost of living #I managed to fix *the entire payscale* before resigning but you know #nobody’s going to suddenly get paid less just because I got butthurt over salary #anyway he messaged me on LinkedIn last year #and he said ‘you’ll always be executive director to me’ (because the most sr title I got was assistant ED)#even though we did not have a functional ed for years #so I blocked him and I still feel bad even though I shouldn’t #I am optimistic that I will recover from all this some day #now I work for therapists :)#10/10 would highly recommend #a significant pay cut but my day ends at 5 #I can’t put a price on working for reasonable people that value ethical decisions #it’s very much ‘your money or your life’ sometimes

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pocketfullaflowers · 5 years ago

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Tell Me Something

Just because you're done fighting an evil bald dude and his twelve clones, doesn't mean life gets any simpler. Roxas and Ventus try to figure where one begins and the other ends. Just don't tell Aqua what really happened to the windows.

Hey! This is an older fic of mine I decided to post here, or you can read it on AO3 here!

Rest of the story is under the cut!

“Tell me something embarrassing about yourself.” Ventus asked.

They’d been sitting on the floor of Ven’s room for the past hour, swapping stories and comparing experiences. It was strange, Roxas thought, to share your face with someone. At least with Sora, it made sense, him being his nobody and all. Roxas still had yet to really wrap his head around why he and Ventus looked identical. Aqua had tried to explain it to him once, probably more than once, but she lost him once she started talking about hearts shattering, and Sora’s heart completing Ven’s, and something about a Vanitas.

So instead he and Ven had taken to these comparison sessions, where they tried to find what was the same or different about the two of them. Nothing was off limits, which meant that so far Roxas knew that he and Ventus shared a Mickey shaped birthmark on their butt, except Ven had his on the left and Roxas had his on the right. Ventus didn’t sleep well unless he was on his side with at least five pillows around him, and even then he got up multiple times in the night. Roxas could sleep on hard concrete and get a full night’s rest. They both had an insatiable sweet tooth, and hated broccoli, much to Aqua and Axel’s chagrin.

Something embarrassing, though? Roxas laid back and tried to think.

“When I was a nobody, I guess there wasn’t anything embarrassing. I mean, we weren’t human, so we didn’t really do anything that could embarrass us.” Roxas thought for a moment, “Or at least, I didn’t. Demyx could be kind of embarrassing, but you’ll have to ask him about that. We didn’t even need to sleep back then, it was just nice to rest your eyes once in a while, I guess most of us just did it out of habit.”

Ventus hummed in thought, “And you haven’t found anything embarrassing about yourself since you became a somebody?”

“Not that I know of, but again, I wouldn’t have much context. Xion and I, we didn’t even know it was wrong to take your clothes off when you got hot. You didn’t really feel anything as a nobody, so we didn’t know different temperatures existed. Axel had to tell us it was wrong after we started training again and embarrassed Riku.”

Ventus laughed, “Wait, you what? You have got to tell me more!” He wiggled closer to Roxas on the floor.

Roxas propped himself up on his elbow, “Well, what is there to tell? We were training with Riku and it got hot, Xion and I took our shirts off. Riku got all red and ran away, we just thought he went to go get a drink when Axel found us, and we asked him about it. He said something about us looking like Kairi and Sora, and “Bisexual panic”, I don’t know.” Roxas shrugged, “Just said we shouldn’t do it.”

Ventus giggled into his hands, “Oh man, what I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall during your training sessions with Riku.”

Roxas furrowed his brows, “But you’re a boy, Ventus, why would you wanna be a fly? Isa kills flies.”

Ventus sighed, “Figure of speech, dude, you’ll get there some day.” He laid down next to Roxas, “Wait, maybe we share an embarrassing thing.”

“What?”

“I dunno, maybe we have the same embarrassing thing in common.”

“What would it be?” Roxas thought, he hadn’t done anything embarrassing, had he?

“Roxas,” Ventus sat up, “I’m gonna tell you something, and you can’t tell anyone else. Nobody knows this, not even Aqua. Except maybe Vanitas, but he doesn’t count.”

“I don’t know a Vanitas.”

“I know you don’t dude, that’s a good thing,” Ventus took a deep breath, “I’m super ticklish.”

“What’s ticklish?”

Ventus cocked his head to the side, “Wait, you don’t even know what ticklish is?”

Roxas shook his head.

“Okay, well it’s like when you’re really sensitive to people touching you, like this,” Ventus wiggled his fingers.

Roxas wiggled his fingers, too, “Like this?”

“Yeah, when people do that under your armpits and stuff, it tickles.”

“Like this?” Roxas wiggled his fingers under his armpits, “I guess I’m not ticklish, then.”

“No, dude, you gotta like," Ventus snorted, "Somebody else has to do it to you, you can’t tickle yourself.”

“Oh.” Roxas thought for a moment, “Would you tickle me, Ven?”

“Sure, dude! I gotta warn you, though, when I said I’m super ticklish, I meant it. Like if someone tickles me I don’t laugh, I scream.”

“I can be quiet, I’m probably not even ticklish.” Roxas sat up, too.

Ventus rolled his eyes, “Okay, dude, I believe you. But if I tickle you and you scream, you’re gonna have to explain it to Aqua.”

Roxas rolled his eyes, too, “Ven, I bet it won’t even work. Just shut up and tickle me.”

Ventus laughed, “Okay dude, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

He shuffled closer to Roxas, and put his hands in place, Ven took a deep breath and Roxas rolled his eyes again, before Roxas could complain though, Ventus wiggled his fingers.

The scream that burst through the house shattered glass.

0o0o0o

I'm currently in the midst of writing a much (much) longer Kingdom Hearts story, so I wanted to post this for a fresh breath of air. Looking back, the prompt might have actually been for people with tickle kinks. Well, I'm not here to yuck anyone's yums, so get what you want out of this story. Hope you enjoyed!

#roxas #ventus #kingdom hearts #fanfiction #tickling #archive of our own #the flower speaks

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enbyleighlines · 5 years ago

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My feelings on common mo dao zu shi ships:

WangXian:

Perfect, amazing, show stopping

A mash up of all the best ship tropes: childhood friends, enemies to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, opposites attract, found family (with their ever increasing pool of adopted children), ect

The best of all the ships

XuanLi:

Damn cute, makes Jin Zixuan less insufferable, and Yanli deserves to be happy, damn it!

Tsundere Zixuan loudly confessing to Yanli in front of his entire family and the other clans only to then immediately flee into the woods... what a goddamn disaster human being

The best canonical hetero ship

Song Lan / Xiao Xingchen:

Beautiful and tragic

Needed more screen time but I like it all the same

Xiao Xingchen / Xue Yang:

Fucking problematic as all hell

I ain’t gonna yuck your yum tho if this is your thing

Good angst fuel

Jiang Cheng / Wen Qing:

Let Men Get Pegged

Their temperments and personal ethics are actually quite similar despite standing on opposite sides

The best thing to come out of the live action

Jiang Cheng / Lan Xichen:

I’ll be honest, I don’t understand the logic behind this one. It’s like... the second most popular ship according to ao3, but why? Do these two men ever have an actual conversation?

A classic example of pair the spares

(Keep on shipping it if it’s your thing, though. No hate on the ship or the shippers, ship hate is dumb)

Jiang Cheng / Nie Huaisang:

I don’t know where this one came either but the concept is amusing as hell

Seriously, poor Nie Huaisang probably can’t even breathe without setting off Jiang Cheng’s temper, but maybe that’s what makes their dynamic so appealing to people?

Lan Xichen / Bitch Baby Jin Guangyao:

The ultimate angst ship

I understand the appeal of the ship but my dislike of Jin Guangyao is too strong for me to ship it myself

Nie Mingjue / Lan Xichen:

Aesthetically I can see the appeal. Big bara man + graceful bishonen = a feast for the eyes

Unfortunately I headcanon Nie Mingjue as completely apathetic to romance

Mo Xuanyu / Happiness:

The actual best ship of the show

(I’m half joking but also half serious?)

(I love Mo Xuanyu)

If you actually read all of that, thank you!! Tell me your opinions of various mdzs ships. Which ones appeal to you and why?

#mo dao zu shi #long post

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obsidianarchives · 6 years ago

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Game of Thrones Recap: S8E5 - "The Bells"

Well, that was laughable. I try to avoid such sweeping declarations, but intellectually confounding or narratively unsatisfying don’t quite capture the forced climax and nonsensical storytelling at play in this week’s episode. I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum so if you enjoyed this week’s episode, don’t worry we’re still going to have fun, but it’s important to be clear about what didn’t work for so many and explore why. Two locations this week, so let’s get into it!

Dragonstone

This week opens with Ned Stark Varys penning a note, revealing that Jon Snow is the true heir of the Targaryen bloodline, when one of his little birds comes in to reveal her poisoning attempts have been unsuccessful thus far as Daenerys, fearing a traitor, refuses to eat. Foiled on Option A, the Spider of Westeros throws caution to the wind and approaches Jon in the open with treason and his plans to supplant his Queen in favor of her nephew, who flatly rebuffs him as he has done all season.

Tyrion, who watched the entire exchange from the parapet, immediately goes to snitch to Dany, who initially suspects Jon as the traitor. She rightly surmises that the spymaster only learned from her Hand, who must have been told by Sansa, who in turn learned from Jon, so it appears doubtful she’s letting anyone off the hook. For the moment however she deals with Varys’s betrayal, and he is forced to burn his Maury DNA test results before the Unsullied take him away. In a moving farewell between longtime friends, feeling honor bound to let Varys know it was him, Tyrion and the Master of Mess share a final embrace. Varys admits he sincerely hopes to be wrong about Daenerys for his friend’s sake as much as the realm’s. With a stealthy Drogon waiting in the shadows for Momma Dee to say the word, his sentence is pronounced as Jon looks on, noticeably disturbed as the husk of Varys burns in the background.

From that fire, we transition to Daenerys sitting in the hearth next to the Painted Table as she presents Missandei’s sole possession brought across the Narrow Sea to Grey Worm, her slave collar. A real No-Limit Soldier, he throws that mess into the open flame because, WHAT KIND OF GIFT IS THAT?!?!?!? Why would he want the mark of her enslavement to remember her by? Let that burn just like the racist Westorosi, but we’re coming to that. And that was her only possession? So you didn’t give your girl nary a dress? I see you Dany. Besides, Grey Worm already has all of her hair products in his room, so he’s good.

Their grieving is interrupted by Jon, who she consents to see in private, and both parties are clearly conflicted between the affection they feel for each other and their call to duty. Dany admits she has never felt the love of the Seven Kingdoms that Jon or even Sansa engender, only the fear to keep them in line. Jon professes his love for her, but when Auntie tries to get a little freaky, Jon has to tell her he got on board with Alyssa Milano’s sex strike and is withholding the Valyrian Steel. Stung by his rejection, Daenerys declares “alright then, let it be fear.”

Tyrion again pleads with Dany not to raze the city of King’s Landing, claiming the people will ring the bells in surrender if they know the fight is lost. It struck me last episode how unusual it was that the show seemed to be telegraphing that it was a foregone conclusion that Daenerys’s army would win, even as it took pains to show us how much more even the odds were now, and that continued this week. The conversations were never about how they would win, or if they even still could, but begging her not to run up the score too much when she inevitably did. It was an odd choice barring one hell of an unforeseen swerve in their fortunes, but we’ll get to that when we hit the capital. In any event Dany acquiesces to Tyrion’s wishes if the city bends the knee, but gives him a final warning that Jaime was captured trying to get back to Cersei, and that his next mistake will be his last. The fact that Tyrion is still alive at this point speaks wonders for Daenerys’s patience (and his plot armor) but put a pin in that idea.

King’s Landing

Joining the armies of the North and the Vale with what remains of the Unsullied and Dothraki, Jon and Tyrion arrive on the outskirts of King’s Landing where the troops are setting camp for the battle. Also making their way downtown are Arya Stark and the Hound, who pass through the lines to enter the city on a mission to kill Cersei (and Clegane’s brother the Mountain) and end the war before it even starts. Tyrion, who we saw earlier calling in a favor from Davos, meets with his brother Jaime and repays his debt from season four by freeing the Kingslayer from captivity and near certain death. He again drives home the notion that Cersei will undoubtedly lose the war and die in the aftermath unless Jaime can convince her to flee King’s Landing (in a ship Davos has set for them) and sail to Essos to start a new life with their unborn child. It’s another evocative scene, as the acting in the show remains unparalleled, drawing on years of history between the brothers, who know they’ll likely both be dead soon, but are damned to try and fight for their family and their own idea of chivalry.

Day breaks, and we’re treated to flawless cinematography and orchestral arrangements dripping in tension as the Iron Fleet and Lannister armies are joined by the Golden Company, preparing to defend the city. The peril of the common folk is made plain and they have no choice but to hide indoors and barricade themselves from the carnage as tightly as possible, which also serves to provide the context and spatial familiarity with the battlefield that was lacking in the Battle of Winterfell. Their best laid plans however are of no concern to a dragon as Daenerys knew what to expect this time and easily out maneuvers the Scorpions from Euron’s naval assault and those covering the walls, blasting through the main gate of King’s Landing and rendering the greatest sellsword army in the world entirely irrelevant. They really should have brought Cersei’s elephants.

Taking that as their cue, Dany’s army — fronted by a surprising number of surviving Dothraki — lay waste to Cersei’s defenders. It wasn’t as much a battle as a rout, with the ease of victory leading to the question of why she didn’t just do this as soon as she touched down in Westeros in season seven. Cersei, overlooking the city, is in full denial and tries to maintain the facade of being in control as Qyburn appraises her of the situation, repeating platitudes she knows are empty as her eyes can’t help but expose her fear. We get a great scene of Jon and Grey Worm (with Davos for some reason) side-by-side handing out the fade to anyone who steps up until the two armies have a stare down in a corridor of the city and the Lannister troops see no choice but to throw down their swords in defeat. The bells ring, and Daenerys has finally won the crown she has believed to be her birthright for her entire life. And then the episode goes off the rails.

Staring around at her new kingdom, Dany eyes the Red Keep, face quivering with rage instead of relief or joy, and she decides to fly off and burn stretches of the city and the smallfolk at random for funsies. Blame whoever decided to play “Sicko Mode” I guess because the beat flipped and she went off. Taking the cue from his Queen, Grey Worm restarts the attack, as it has now gone from a siege to a sacking. He looks back at Jon, who is trying to hold his forces back, in disgust and presses on with anyone who is here for violence. On the ground, the leader of the Unsullied is a broken man out for retribution and seeking to drown his pain in the blood of his enemies. It’s an understandable turn for a soldier, but what made Daenerys flip? Even Cersei, who burned the Sept of Baelor and everyone in it, was left looking at the scene more shook than she has ever been.

As I said in last week’s review, I don’t have a problem with Dany burning King’s Landing to the last ember if that’s what she had to do. It’s the how and why that was so perplexing, not the what. If she decided to come out of the gate bucking shots for payback and rage, I would have been with it. Instead she decided to be surgical and measured with her strikes, only taking out the Scorpions, and after breaching the city walls left the fighting to her troops. So why then, once the bells were rung and the city bent the knee to her, did she then decide to start roasting the citizens? That was the time to fly straight up to Cersei’s wine porch and burn the whole thing down if it was about her fury and loss. THAT’S revenge! Killing the smallfolk that Cersei doesn’t care about serves no purpose to either Dany’s ascent to the throne or a quest for vengeance and is wholly incongruent to who she has been shown to be.

Yes, the notion that Daenerys can be desensitized to violence and her knack for solving her problems with fire and blood is part of her character, but there’s a hop, skip, and a jump from that to wanton destruction of those who are not her enemies. If that descent is the story you want to tell, I’m on board, but tell that story! The arc could have been more believable if the series had shown eruptions of actual random cruelty instead of men baselessly whispering about it behind her back. Never has her wrath been shown to be directed at the truly innocent rather than those who she perceived to have wronged her, solely for the sake of sadism and fear. I could believe she’d willingly burn King’s Landing and accept incidental murder of the townsfolk if it meant pushing Cersei and her army off the throne. It is a complete paradigm shift to suggest she would instigate that wholesale slaughter for no other reason than a manufactured derangement. The unnatural progression and suddenness of her frenzy led to an immediate disconnect and incredulity that renders impotent what should have been a reveal full of that earned pathos. Failing to recontextualize the past seven seasons of her arc, viewers were instead thrust into a narrative that had been spoken into existence but never sufficiently shown.

Beyond that, her behavior in the episode flies in the face of her all-consuming motivation in taking the throne. Even if you accept that she would burn civilians for the sin of not loving her and embracing her as a savior, why would she wait until the very moment she had attained everything she’d ever dreamed of? For Daenerys, who we’ve seen be single-focused to the point of myopia and perhaps callousness, to suddenly veer wildly into ignoring the throne for the sake of indiscriminate violence just didn’t track. She didn’t fly straight to the Red Keep and claim her crown, nor did she seem concerned with killing Cersei, the pretender who was sitting on her place, blocking her destiny, and the woman who had her friend and advisor Missandei beheaded. So again, what was the point of it all? For all Dany knew, Cersei did sail to Pentos with a child no less driven to return to King's Landing and regain a throne after it's sacking than the Mother of Dragons had been for her entire life. But rather than a meditation of the cyclical nature of violence, or the corruption of power, the lesson seems to be don’t give a dragon to a pyromaniac.

In the streets of King’s Landing, Tyrion and Jon both got put into the Mr. Krabs blur and are confused as to why no one told them Dany might do something like this (Narrator: They all did). Jon in particular traded brooding on a cliff for brooding in the middle of a battlefield and killing anyone with the nerve to interrupt his smoldering in the distance. Meanwhile Jaime is forced to take the long way around and ends up in a disappointing and hilariously petty fight with Euron Greyjoy underneath the collapsing castle. There is some great cinematography here as the chaos above via Drogon falls down around the two tired men. Jaime is mortally wounded by Pirate Pacey, but still ends up killing the Crow’s Eye (with no Dragonbinder) who dies smiling, declaring himself the man who killed Jaime Lannister. Wrong!

Seeing the castle literally falling down around them, the Hound tells Arya to give up her need for revenge while she still can, before it consumes her wholly as it has him. It’s another affecting scene drawing on years of earned interactions, as the Hound has been the next best thing Arya has had for a father since she had to watch Ned lose his head in King’s Landing. The emotions swirl, as you remember this is the first time she’s been in the city since that day, probably the first time she’s been inside the Red Keep since Syrio sent her away to protect her, and now Clegane is doing the same. She thanks him, using his given name of Sandor, and for these two hardened warriors who have been sustained by hate and vengeance it’s the closest either of them can come to admitting they love each other. Arya reclaims her life, and the Hound goes to finally end his own suffering, but hopefully not before taking his brother out first.

Making their way to Maegor's Holdfast to try and survive the destruction, Cersei and Qyburn are escorted by the Queensguard when the roof caves in. While the Queen and her Hand are saved by the Mountain, three of her sworn swords are killed and the castle exposed. Meeting them at the foot of the stairs is the Hound, who easily dispatches the other three survivors and we’re finally ready for Cleaganebowl! Qyburn tries to reason with the Mountain, not realizing everyone has been waiting to see this for years, and gets yeeted into the fallen debris skull first, killing him. Seeing this, Cersei picks up her skirt and saunters right on out of the way of the blood feud because her name is Bennett and she CLEARLY ain’t in it.

In one of the most beautiful shots of the series, the Hound starts to summit the steps towards the brother that scarred and traumatized him, only having eyes for him as the world ends around them and Drogon flies overhead, lighting the skies ablaze. The burned man and his decaying inhuman tormenter hack at each other, each blow echoing back into eternity as for both of them this fight started a generation ago. Cersei, now completely alone, her ambitions falling around her as the very painted map of Westeros she commissioned to mark her new empire cracks and withers in the face of true power, her joy turning to ashes in her mouth, has retreated fully into despair, but who else is there in her lowest moment than her brother and lover Jaime? Shame on me for thinking last week that the writers were giving weight to his character arc and just hiding their hand, he went right back to exactly who he said he was as a simp for Cersei who can’t get right.

The Hound and Mountain continue their conflict as Sandor runs his brother through the gut with his sword, and Ser Gregor doesn’t even flinch. You should have gone for the head! Qyburn did his zombification job a little too well, a fact he’d likely lament if he weren’t already dead. The scene expertly cuts back to Arya, now trying to make her way all the way back out of the dying city, interlacing the pounding she’s taking on the streets dodging the carnage, with the blows the Hound is receiving from his brother as though they were one body. There are a few too many near-death fake outs for us to believe Arya is truly in danger, the way we might have if the POV character were, say, Ser Davos (who comes from Flea Bottom), but the connection between her and Sandor makes it worthwhile. As the Mountain presses his little brother against the wall strangling him, there’s a moment it feels like we might get another of his face smashing fatalities a la Prince Oberyn (RIP to a real one!), but the Hound pulls a page out of Lyanna Mormont (gone too soon) and stabs him in the eye. This still doesn’t kill him, because what is dead may never die, but Sandor Clegane masters his fear and rushes his brother, taking them both through the walls of the Red Keep and plunging into the raging fires of the burning castle where they both meet their end.

Finally having enough, as Dany’s path of destruction has now ignited the wildfire caches under the city left by her father, Jon puts away his sword and leads his troops out of the city. Arya meanwhile is forced to leap into action, trying to save as many people as she can, even if that’s only a mother and her daughter. Between the Dothraki, and nearly being burned alive by Drogon however, it takes a miracle for her to save herself.

Underneath the castle, Cersei and Jaime’s Pentoshi adventure is cut short as the falling rubble has sealed their only escape. Realizing she doesn’t want to die in a prison of her own making, her last facades fall apart and she crumbles in her brother’s arms under the weight of her folly. Both knowing these are their last moments, he comforts her, preparing to die as he’s always wanted, in the arms of the woman he loves. There would be no satisfying death for the longest running antagonist of the series, and many were disappointed as we had already seen Cersei “stripped of all her finery” as she took her walk of atonement through the streets of King’s Landing. With no cathartic payoff, or larger consequence to her oft-mentioned pregnancy, the lack of gratification is endemic of the problems many have with the writing this season, and one of the most deliciously evil, yet human characters of television history deserved a send off befitting of her stature.

As the path is now clear for Daenerys to take her throne covered in ash (not Snow) fulfilling the vision of her future from The House of the Undying in Qarth, Arya awakes to see the charred bodies of the innocent she was trying to save in a scene right out of Pompeii. She also finds a single, pale horse which she rides out of the city dripping in symbolism and riding out the end of the episode, closing with The Rains of Castamere.

On the whole, I will say that the episode was wonderfully directed and beautifully shot. For my disappointment with the Battle of Winterfell, Miguel Sapochnik’s work on the Siege of King’s Landing excelled on a visual level. The shots of Drogon destroying the Scorpions and later laying waste to the city gave great respect to the depth and dimensionality of the terror and awe of dragons and their ability to dispense death from above at any moment. The chaos of both that flight from destruction, and the mores of human depravity as Daenerys’s army abandoned any pretense of rectitude and gave into their hedonism was laid bare, and as always, was accompanied by a masterful score. The acting also needs to be singled out, as each character sold with absolute conviction the moments they were stepping into. It’s truly a shame that so much genuinely wonderful work was overridden by slipshod writing and character decisions born out of an artificially imposed deadline and a strained sprint to the finish line.

Either way, we’re here. Get ready for the series finale next week! Look forward to capping it off with you then.

#Game of Thrones #Recap

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freyjaiam · 8 years ago

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Let Me In (Part 2)

pairing: rogan read part one: here

She’d shown up to the diner an hour early. Mostly to try and practice what she was going to say. She had a cup of decaf (yuck) and a doughnut (yum) and pulled her out laptop to open up her list. She sighed while her eyes traveled over the facts from both sides. The pros being that a part of her still deeply loved Logan, he’d provide financial stability, and her child would have both parents around if she restarted their relationship. The cons? His parents, the fact that he sorta reminded him of her Dad no matter how he said he wasn’t, and that he’d probably want her to move away from the town she’d grown up in. She loved Stars Hollow. She wanted her child to grow up here like she had... But Logan wasn’t a small town kinda guy. Sighing she took a sip of her coffee before checking her watch. He’d be there any minute and she’d devoured her doughnut already and wanted to order more food. She looked up when the bell rang and she smiled as he came in and immediately headed toward her table.

“Hello, Ace,” he said, coming to her side, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Logan,” she said, closing her laptop so he didn’t see her list. She didn’t want him to see it then be forced to try and explain her cons. At least not yet. “I’m glad you came.”

“Well, you asked me to, so here I am,” he said, nodding to her cup. “Can you have that?”

“Decaf,” she said, making a face. “It’s awful.”

He laughed. “I bet.”

He settled in the chair across from her and she smiled. Already she could see some people start to whisper. Okay, so maybe not living in a small town wouldn’t be so bad! In large cities, like Hartford, most people mined their own damn business. Well... She really couldn’t say that. The socialites of Hartford would have the time of their lives hearing the news of a Gilmore getting knocked up by a Huntzberger.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m fine. You?”

“Fine,” he said, smiling brightly at her. Man she loved his smile. It brightened up his whole face and whenever he smiled at her she just got lost. He made her feel like a teenager all over again with her first crush!

“How are you feeling?” he asked, eyes drifting to her stomach.

“Mostly hungry.”

“Well then we should get you some.”

“Already on it. Hey Luke!”

“What?” snapped Luke, bagging what looked to be a very large to-go order.

“We need sustenance!” demanded Rory. “Preferably in the form of waffles! And cheeseburgers!”

“Ah, geez,” muttered Luke, pointing at Rory. “You need to be healthy!”

“Add a side of fruit to that order,” said Logan, making Rory gasp.

“Traitor!”

“Concerned father,” he countered softly, making her sigh then relent.

“Okay. Fine. Fruit. And whipped cream!”

“So. I have a feeling you didn’t just invite me here for waffles and fruit with copious amounts of whipped cream,” said Logan, slowly walking with Rory.

“You’re right. I didn’t. I wanted to talk about...” Rory sighed, sticking her hands in her pockets of her jacket, thankful that Logan insisted on holding her bad during their walk back to her childhood home. “Us. The baby. And the future.”

“Whatever you want, Ace. You know this.”

“But what do you want?” asked Rory.

“Whatever scenario has us together,” said Logan honestly, making Rory stop in her tracks to look up at him. All she saw was sincerity on his face and suddenly it was too much and she burst out in tears. “Oh God. What did I say?”

“I-I don’t know...” She blubbered, bringing both hands up to her eyes to wipe her tears away. “I just... You’re sweet, damn it. You’re too sweet!”

“Should I not be?” he asked. “I’m sorry, Rory, I’m at a loss over what I should be doing now.”

“I bet if I asked you to you’d move here. God. You’d be miserable. You’d hate it here, but you’d do it if I asked. Wouldn’t you?” Her sadness transferred to anger and she pushed at him a little, making his eyes widen. “Why do you have to be so damn sweet, Logan Huntzberger?!”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry,” he said, quickly, in a tone of voice one would use to try and soothe a growling dog. “Please don’t hit me again.”

“No. I’m sorry. I just...” Rory sighed. “This is so overwhelming.”

“How about we just get you home. Hm?”

“That’s just it, Logan. I am home. Stars Hollow is my home. I want to live here. I want to have my family here. I want my child to be exposed to Taylor’s crazy town meetings, Luke’s coffee-”

“When they’re older,” insisted Logan.

“Yeah. Sure. And Kirk’s crazy plans and my mom’s inn... I want all of that. I want the small town life for them and I don’t want to ask you to give up everything to-”

“Stars Hollow is your home, but Rory. You’re my home. I always find my way back here. In this spot. Standing with you. I love you, Ace, and even though I’m used to the large cities and bustling crowds... I want to do this. I want us.”

“But what will you do here?”

“I’ll figure it out. I always do. There are other places to work for other than my father’s business.If I have to drive to Hartford every morning then drive back here to come home to you I will.”

“Logan...”

“I know it’s a lot to think about. So I’ll just-”

“No.”

“-what?” he asked, face falling, and Rory stepped forward.

“I don’t want to think. I just want to DO. Logan, I love you.” Rory shook her head. “We’ve been running around in circles all these years and I want to stop. I want to just... Stop running. You know?”

“So what are you saying?” he asked, wanting to make sure he was reading her right before getting his hopes up.

“I’m saying I love you, you big dope, and want to spend the rest of my life with you!”

“Well when you put it that way, how could I resist?” he asked, eyebrow quirking before Rory laughed then launched herself forward to press her lips to his.

“Oh my God,” said Miss Patty, who’d been watching them the whole time from her studio.

“It’s so romantic,” said Babette. “Like one of those Hallmark movie specials.”

“I think I might cry,” said Miss Patty.

“Oh, Hun, don’t. B-Because if you start... Th-Then I start!”

“So you and Logan are really doing this, huh.”

“We are,” said Rory.

“I’m happy for you. For both of you.”

“Are you really?” asked Rory.

“Really. I’m happy he’s staying. I’m happy he wants to be here with you.” Lorelai grinned. “I’m even happier he’s currently looking at the house down the block for the two of you. We could be in walking distance of each other for the rest of our lives. Oh! It could be like Everybody Loves Raymond. I’ll come over and baby you and cook for you-”

“You don’t cook.”

“Bring take out for you,” corrected Lorelai. “And say things like. ‘Oi. The curtains. There be dust on them!’”

“Oh geez,” muttered Rory.

“Not to mention. We can now all carpool when we go visit my mother.”

“Oh man, I don’t want to tell her yet,” said Rory. “Because she’ll be planning a wedding before Logan even asks me. If he asks me.”

“Oh, he’ll ask you. Then we get to have a wedding with the Huntzbergers. We can only hope to make it through the service without killing each other. We’ll put the Red Wedding to shame. To shame I tell you!”

“You need to stop watching so much TV.”

Lorelai gasped. “You take that back! You love TV!”

“You’re right. I do. I’m sorry, TV!” called out Rory from the kitchen.

“That’s my girl. Now... Ice cream?”

“Yes please!”

“I love it,” said Rory, standing on the sidewalk with Logan. It was night time and quiet. Most houses were dark. Rory hadn’t been able to sleep, the kicking baby being too much. It’s been a few weeks and finally the day of the move was upon them. They stood before the house that would be theirs tomorrow, holding hands, taking in the yellow two-story with the large tree on the front yard with a tire swing that was swinging slowly in the breeze. The porch was covered and the shutters were a dark brown. Rory was already imagining her life here and her hand tightened in his. “It’s perfect. This moment is perfect.”

“You’re perfect.”

“You’re a sap,” she said, smiling though, and looking up at him through her lashes. “I love you. You know that, right?”

“I do. And I love you.”

“Can we go inside?” asked Rory.

“Tomorrow. When we get the keys handed over to us.”

“Oh,” said Rory, pouting.

“But I bet we could sit up on the porch.”

“Like an old married couple,” said Rory, laughing as she lead him up the walkway toward the porch. There were no chairs so they settled down on the cold steps. She huddled close to him, looking up at the sky, the stars twinkling down at them. “Here’s to many more nights out on the porch.”

“Hm...” He kissed the top of her head. “I like the sound of that.”

“Me, too.”

END

#rogan #rory gilmore #logan huntzberger #gilmore girls #ayitl spoilers #rogan ff #gg ff

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andrewdburton · 7 years ago

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My life philosophy: 49 lessons from 49 years

Happy birthday to me! Today I turn 49. Here’s a photo from my third birthday. (I’m tucked just behind Mom, opening a present.)

To celebrate my 49th birthday, I want to share 49 nuggets of wisdom I’ve picked up during my time on this Earth. These are things I’ve found to be true for me — and, I believe, for most other people. (But, as always, remember that each of us is different. What works for me may not work for you.)

For obvious reasons, some of these notions overlap with the core tenets of the Get Rich Slowly philosophy. Plus, long-time readers will recognize this as an update to an article I’ve shared before on my birthday.

Some of the ideas that follow are original to me. Some aren’t. When I’ve borrowed something, I’ve done my best to cite my source. (And I’ve tried to cite the oldest source I can find. Lots of folks borrow ideas from each other. There’s nothing new under the sun and all that.)

Here are 49 principles I’ve found to be true during my 49 years on this planet:

Self-care comes first. If you’re not healthy, it’s tough to be happy. Before you can take care of your friends and your family, you need to take care of yourself. Eat well. Exercise. Nurture your mind, body, and spirit. Your body is a temple; treat it like one. If you don’t have your health, you’ve got nothing.

You get what you give. Your outer life is a reflection of your inner life. If you think the world is a shitty place, the world is going to be a shitty place. If you think people are out to get you, people will be out to get you. But if you believe people are basically good, you’ll find that this is true wherever you go.

Life is like a lottery. You receive tickets every time you try new things and meet new people. Most of these lottery tickets won’t have a pay-out, and that’s okay. But every now and then, you’ll hit the jackpot. The more you play — the more you say “yes” to new friends and new experiences — the more often you’ll win. You can’t win if you don’t play. That said, however…

Luck is no accident. What we think of as luck has almost nothing to do with randomness and almost everything to do with attitude. Lucky people watch for — and take advantage of — opportunities. They listen to their hunches. They know how to “fail forward”, making good out of bad. [Via the book Luck is No Accident.]

Don’t try to change others. “Attempts to change others are rarely successful, and even then are probably not completely satisfying,” Harry Browne wrote in How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World. “To accept others as they are doesn’t mean you have to give into them or put up with them. You are sovereign. You own your own world. You can choose…There are millions of people out there in the world; you have a lot more to choose from than just what you see in front of you now.”

Don’t allow others to try to change you. Again from How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World: “You are free to live your life as you want…The demands and wishes of others don’t control your life. You do. You make the decisions…There are thousands of people who wouldn’t demand that you bend yourself out of shape to please them. There are people who will want you to be yourself, people who see things as you do, people who want the same things you want. Why should you have to waste your life in a futile effort to please those with whom you aren’t compatible?”

Be impeccable with your word. Be honest — with yourself and others. If you promise to do something, do it. When somebody asks you a question, tell the truth. Practice what you preach. Avoid gossip. [This is directly from Don Miguel’s The Four Agreements.]

Don’t take things personally. When people criticize you and your actions, it’s not about you — it’s about them. They can’t know what it’s like to be you and live your life. When you take things personally, you’re allowing others to control your life and your happiness. Heed the Arab proverb: “The dogs bark but the caravan moves on.” [Also one of The Four Agreements.]

Don’t make assumptions. The flip side of not taking things personally is to not assume you know what’s going on in other people’s heads. Don’t assume you know the motivations for their actions. Just as their reality doesn’t reflect your reality, your life is not theirs. Give people the benefit of the doubt. [Another of The Four Agreements.]

True story: Before Kim and I moved last summer, the dog park near our home had a homeless problem. (And still does.) We early-morning walkers did our best to clean up camps when they were vacated, but it was a never-ending task. Once, I joined a new woman for a stroll down the trail. “Look at that couple,” she said, pointing to a man and a woman who were dragging a tarp down the hillside. “They just woke up and are packing up their camp.” I tried to tell her that no, they were regular dog-walkers who were pitching in to clean things up. She didn’t believe me. “I’m going to report them,” she said. Classic example of a faulty assumption.

Always do your best. Your best varies from moment to moment. Some days in the gym, for instance, I’m able to lift heavier weights than on other days. Some days I can run faster than usual; some days, I’m slower. That’s okay. What matters most is that I give my best effort every time. No matter what you do, do it as well as you can. This is one of the keys to success and happiness. [This is the last of The Four Agreements.]

Effort matters more than skill or talent. “Effort counts twice,” argues Angela Duckworth in Grit: The Power of Passon and Perseverance. Skill, she says, is talent multiplied by effort. The more you do what you’re good at, the better you get. But achievement is the product of skill multiplied by effort. Effort counts twice. (This may be why psychologists say it’s better to praise your child’s efforts instead of her results. Praise her for spending time on her homework, not because she got an A.)

Embrace the imperfections. If you do what is right, and you do your best, then there’s no reason to feel bad about the outcome. Nobody’s perfect. Don’t beat yourself up if you make mistakes. And don’t sweat it if other people get upset with you too. If you’re doing the best you can, that’s good enough.

The perfect is the enemy of the good. Too many people never get started because they don’t know that the “best” first step is. You don’t know the best guitar, so you never learn to play. You don’t know which Spanish book is best, so you never learn to speak. You don’t know how to bench press, so you never go to the gym. Don’t worry about getting things exactly right — just choose a good option and do something to get started.

There’s no single “right” way to achieve success. Each of us is different. We have different goals, personalities, and experiences. We each need to find the tools and techniques that are effective for our own situations. There’s no one right way to eat, love, pray, or pay off debt. Don’t believe anyone who tells you there is. Experiment until you find methods that are effective for you. (Note, however, that there are wrong ways to do these things — steer clear of obvious bad choices.)

Be present in the moment. Accept life for what it is, without labels or judgment. Yield to events; don’t block them. Go with the flow. Nothing exists outside the present moment: Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. Improve the quality of the here and now. When you do something, do that thing. When you’re with somebody, be with them. Don’t multitask. Put away the smartphone or the computer or the book. Be all there. [This is an ancient concept made popular by The Power of Now.]

Spirituality is personal. The desire for one person (or group) to impose her (or their) beliefs on others is the source of much of this world’s strife. Believe what you want, and let others do the same. “There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.” — the Dalai Lama

Be skeptical — but keep an open mind. Don’t believe everything you hear — from others and from your own internal self-talk. Practice healthy skepticism. But keep an open mind. Don’t automatically assume that everything is fake or false. Do your best to analyze the things you see and hear to determine whether they actually make sense.

Don’t yuck someone else’s yum. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean it’s bad. Pursue your passions, and let others pursue theirs. If you don’t like something, fine. Don’t make a big deal about it.

You can’t prevent every possible thing from going wrong. Don’t even try. Instead, learn to deal effectively with minor problems. You’ll build self-confidence, which will lead to an increased willingness to take calculated risks. (Similarly, you can’t make everyone like you. It’s foolish to try.)

Be flexible. Goals are good, but single-minded devotion to a goal can often blind a person to other opportunities. And it’s a mistake to cling to one path out of sense of obligation. If you enter law school and discover you hate it, then quit. Don’t endure years of misery because you feel like it’s expected of you. That’s dumb. You have more options than you think, but you may need to slow down and open your eyes in order to see them.

Be encouraging. Support the creative, positive actions of others. There are a lot of people out there who want to tell others what’s wrong with their actions, why the things they want to do can’t be done. They’re quick to criticize small mistakes instead of praising the greater effort. Don’t be this way. Do what you can — in ways both big and small — to help others achieve their goals. [Taken from Action Girl’s Guide to Living.]

You are the author of your own life. Everyone has a story they want to tell you about yourself. Society tries to push a “standard narrative” on us about how life should go. Ignore these stories. If you don’t like the story you’re living, it’s up to you to change the plot. You didn’t write the beginning of your story, but you have the power to choose the ending. Choose and adventure you love instead of one that makes you unhappy.

You don’t need permission. When we’re young, we wait for our parents and teachers to say it’s okay to do the things we want to do. As an adult, you don’t need permission from anybody else. Do you want to quit your job and travel the world? Do it. Do you want to learn how to ride a motorcycle? Do it. Don’t wait for somebody else to give you the go-ahead. You are the only one who needs to give yourself permission to do these things.

Don’t let fear guide your decision-making process. My girlfriend Kim told me this on one of our first dates, and it echoes something my accountant once told me. He says that too many people make money moves based solely on the tax repercussions. “That’s dumb,” he told me. “You should do what you want because you want to, not because of the tax hit.” This applies in all aspects of life. Make decisions based on what you want to do. Move toward something, not away from something.

Action cures fear. Thought creates fear; action cures it. What we’re actually afraid of is the unknown. We like certainty, and choosing to do something with an uncertain outcome makes us nervous. Taking the first step can be scary, but each additional step becomes easier and easier. When you act, you remove the mystery. Action creates confidence. It creates motivation. (Most people think motivation comes before action. They’re wrong. Action leads to motivation.) [This is an old idea but this phrasing is from The Magic of Thinking Big.]

Action is character. If you never did anything, you wouldn’t be anybody. Superman is a superhero because he does heroic things, not because he talks about doing them. And a writer is a writer because she writes, not because she talks about writing. What we say doesn’t matter; it’s what we do that counts. We are what we repeatedly do. [From F. Scott Fitzgerald’s notes on The Last Tycoon.]

You’re more likely to regret the things you don’t do than the things you do. That’s not to say you should be an asshole, or that you won’t regret making big mistakes. But generally speaking, you’re more likely to be sorry that you didn’t introduce yourself to the barista at the coffeehouse, didn’t go bungee-jumping with your friends, didn’t stay in touch with your friends. [This is the central idea in The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.]

Give without the expectation of return. Help other people — even if it costs a bit of money or time. Don’t always expect a financial payoff. Don’t get offended if your effort isn’t acknowledged or appreciated. Help because it’s the right thing to do, not because you want to be noticed.

When good things happen to people you know, help them celebrate. Their success does not diminish you. Be happy when your friends and family achieve something cool. If a co-worker gets a raise, be supportive and not jealous. Approach life as if it were a win-win game. Because it is.

Happy people almost never criticize, says Steven Pressfield in The War of Art. “If they speak at all,” he writes, “it’s to offer encouragement.” This is true in my experience, as well. Being sarcastic and cutting doesn’t mean that you’re smarter than the people around you. Most of the time, it simply means you’re an asshole. And that leads me to the next lesson…

Staying in a relationship out of a sense of obligation or pity is not a good reason. Sometimes you really do have to walk away — from a friendship, from a family member, even from a romantic partner. Yours isn’t the only story in this world; sometimes it’s better to be somebody else’s villain than to make yourself miserable.

You have the freedom to choose how you respond to any event. In the classic Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Fankl writes, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” He based this philosophy on his personal experience in a Nazi concentration camp. When that jerk cuts you off on the freeway, you get to choose if you’ll get angry or give him the benefit of the doubt. When you get stuck behind the old lady in line at the grocery store, it’s up to you how to respond. When those stupid kids next door vandalize your lawn, you get to choose how you feel about it.

You’ll be happier if you focus on efforts and attention only on the things you can control. Each of us has a large number of things about which we’re concerned: our health, our family, our friends, our jobs; world affairs, the plight of the poor, the threat of terrorism, the current political climate. Within that Circle of Concern, there’s a smaller subset of things over which we have actual, direct control: how much we exercise, what time we go to bed, whether we leave for work on time; what we eat, where we live, with whom we socialize. You’ll be happier and more productive if you dedicate yourself to your Circle of Control and ignore your Circle of Concern. [This notion is part of Julian Rotter’s social-learning theory of personality, but was popularized by Stephen Covey in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.]

You can have anything you want — but you can’t have everything you want. Everything is a trade-off. You have limited resources. When you choose to spend — time, money, brainwidth — on one thing, you’re also choosing not to spend on others. Do your best to spend only on the things that matter most to you. Don’t really give a rat’s ass about Big Bang Theory? Then why are you watching it? Spend your time and energy on something you do care about.

Make room for the big rocks first. It’s easy to let your time and energy be sucked up by trivial errands and tasks. You find you no longer have space for the things you thought were most important. Don’t do that. Always carve out time and attention for those people and activities you value most. If the house doesn’t get clean because you were hanging out with a friend, so what? If you didn’t mow the lawn because you went to the gym instead, that’s a good thing. Tackle the important, then the trivial.

If you want to avoid feeling overwhelmed, create margin in your life. Simplicity brings peace. Many people have tried to beat this into my head over the years, but it wasn’t until I read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up that I really understood. Every item you own, every meeting you schedule, every email you receive — every obligation in your life carries both psychic and physical weight. Traveling in an RV for fifteen months, I learned to love owning very little. It was freeing! And it was freeing too to not be a slave to a schedule. As much as you can, build margin into your life so that you can feel peaceful and free.

Be your own advocate. Don’t be afraid to ask what you want and what you need — especially if it’s help. Too often, we struggle in silence when we could make our lives better simply by asking a question or two. Better to look ignorant for a moment than to remain ignorant for a lifetime. Don’t wait for others to solve your problems. Be proactive. Find answers. Take action. Learn to help yourself.

It’s always best to be proactive. In life, there are often default options. If you don’t consciously and deliberately choose something different, you get the default. When this happens, your life shapes you instead of you shaping your life. Most people go through their entire lives in default mode. They accept what life hands them without question. They’re reactive. Choose to be proactive instead. If you don’t set your own goals, somebody else will set them for you.

Quality tools can make life better. For years, I equated low cost with smart spending. Now I know that’s not always the case. Now, I’m willing to spend to buy high-quality things when I know I’ll use them all the time. I have high-quality boots, for instance, and an expensive computer. I’m okay with that. I walk everywhere I go, so the boots are worth it. And my computer is my livelihood. The expense is worth it because it makes working a joy. For items used daily, buy the best. If you don’t use it often, of if it’s not important to you, buy the cheapest possible.

The meaning of life is the meaning you decide to give it. Some people are searchers. They wander through life looking for answers…but rarely find them. Others accept without question what an outside authority tells them is true. I believe that the meaning of life comes from within, from the things that you lean to prioritize and value. Nobody is going to tell you what life should mean to you; you have to decide that for yourself.

You are the boss of you. Your circumstances might not be your fault, but they’re your responsibility. Don’t blame anyone or anything else for your situation, and don’t expect somebody else to rescue you. If you don’t like where you are, resolve to do what it takes to make a change.

Don’t compare yourself to others. I preach this often at Money Boss. Comparing yourself to others is counter-productive. Generally one of two things happens: You either feel shitty because you’re not as good as the other person, or you feel superior because they’re not as good as you. In reality, nobody is better than anybody else. We’re just different. If you want to compare yourself, compare Present You to Past You — and do what you can to make Future You a better version of why you are today.

You can’t get rid of a bad habit; you can only change it. “You can never truly extinguish bad habits,” writes Charles Duhigg in The Power of Habit. “Rather, to change a habit, you must keep the old cue, and deliver the old reward, but insert a new routine.” He calls this the Golden Rule of Habit Change. To change your habit loop, you have to do something different when the habit is triggered. Let me give you an example: I used to be a stress-eater. I’d eat junk food — and lots of it — any time I had a deadline or a conflict with a friend. The act of eating soothed my mind. The stress was the cue (the trigger), and the rush was the reward. No surprise, this habit made me fat. I’ve managed to (mostly) change the habit loop by walking instead of eating. Now if I get stressed, I go for a walk. I get a similar rush for a reward, but my actions are healthier.

Positive reinforcement is powerful. When Tahlequah performs a desired behavior — sitting, coming when called, being nice to the cats — we reward her. She learns to connect the treat with the actions we wants, and becomes more likely to offer them…even when we don’t reward her. What’s true for dogs is true for people too. Does nagging your spouse actually work? Probably not. (In fact, it probably has the opposite effect you intend!) But if you reward the behavior your want, you’ll eventually see it offered without prompting. The same thing is true with children, co-workers, family members, and so on. [This is a fundamental principle of psychology. An excellent source for more info is Don’t Shoot the Dog.]

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Create your own certainty. Don’t allow yourself to be dependent on the choices and actions of others. I call this “Michelle’s Law” after my friend who taught it to me. But I have another friend — Jenn — who talks about “ensuring success”. When she’s working on something important, whether it’s a relationship or a vacation, she always follows up to make sure that what she expects to happen will happen. This philosophy is akin to the idea that you should trust, but verify.

Choose happiness. Do work and play that brings fulfillment. Spend time with people who build you up, not those who bring you (and others) down. Strip from your life the things that take time, money, and energy, but which do not bring you joy. Focus on the essentials.

It’s never too late to be great. It takes time to achieve anything worthwhile. But just because you haven’t started yet — or haven’t reached the level your aiming for — doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t make it happen. Don’t be daunted by audacious goals. Are you fifty and want to run a marathon? Start training. Are you sixty and only now thinking of retirement? That’s okay. Better late than never. Are you seventy and want to write a novel? Do it. History is filled with examples of folks who achieve great things later in life. [This argument is made persuasively by Tom Butler-Bowdon in his book, Never Too Late to Be Great.]

Be yourself. This is the most important thing I’ve learned during my 49 years of life. For too long, I tried to please others. I tried to be and do the things I thought they wanted me to be and do. As a result, I was unhappy. And most of the time, my actions didn’t have the results I thought they would. They didn’t make others like me any better. Instead of trying to please others, now I’m just me. I’m honest about who I am and what I want. Maybe some of my old friends don’t like who I’ve become. That’s okay. I’ve made plenty of people who do like who I am.

“Everybody is talented, original and has something important to say.” — Barbara Ueland, If You Want to Write.

This isn’t a comprehensive list of my beliefs, but it’s a fair survey of my life philosophy. It’s very different from my philosophy when I was 39 or 29. And I’m sure that my philosophy at 59 will have changed in ways that I cannot foresee.

Also note that although I really do believe these things to be true, I also struggle with them. I’m human, just like you. I don’t always live up to my ideal self.

How many of these ideas do you agree with? Which do you disagree with? More to the point: What are the core ideas that make up your personal philosophy?

The post My life philosophy: 49 lessons from 49 years appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

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My life philosophy: 49 lessons from 49 years

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My life philosophy: 49 lessons from 49 years

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Happy birthday to me! Today I turn 49. Here’s a photo from my third birthday. (I’m tucked just behind Mom, opening a present.)

Here are 49 principles I’ve found to be true during my 49 years on this planet:

“Everybody is talented, original and has something important to say.” — Barbara Ueland, If You Want to Write.

Also note that although I really do believe these things to be true, I also struggle with them. I’m human, just like you. I don’t always live up to my ideal self.

How many of these ideas do you agree with? Which do you disagree with? More to the point: What are the core ideas that make up your personal philosophy?

The post My life philosophy: 49 lessons from 49 years appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

#Wealth

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