#i’m gonna go to sleeeeep soon

[inkykeiji]

Oh godness ahhh that was so good can't wait to have more Clarii makes me want to read it again (which will happen eventually ehehe) reading this is making me twirl and giggle I love this so much 💕 take care and sending hugs ~squishymallow anon

aw anon bb i’m so glad you enjoyed it!!! (´∀｀)♡ flawless tomu really is just so fun hehe <33 i can’t wait to share part two with you!! aw thank you sweetpea i am sending u so much love!! <3

[kokorodachidanii]

Untitled Running with Scissors Oneshot (I ship it, I can’t help it)

For @mewnikitty

(this goes with my hc that Wild Card has both ;); small warning for a brief childbirth scene, nothing graphic tho)

It was still pretty hard to believe.

Not only had Clipper and Wild Card shared their first time, something the wolf hoped they would never ever do, Wild Card had even gotten knocked up-- and with triplets, no less!!

It could be any day now! ... Though technically there was still another month before they were due. And even then, Brainz had said that it could still be another week or two after that if it ended up being a late delivery.

... And Clipper sure hoped he could be a good dad.

“... Cliiiiiippeeeeeeeeeeeerrr...” Clipper groaned as he slowly sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes tiredly as his boyfriend was moaning pitifully.

“Grop Wild Card it’s too early.”

“Cliiiiiiiiiiiippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr...”

“Go to sleeeeep.”

“Clipper... Clips... Clippy...”

“Whaaat!?” Clipper whined, not realizing what was about to happen.

“Y-Y’know...” Wild Card grimaced. Even more pain rippled through his midsection.

Clipper blinked. “... Cinnamon*...?”

“Y’knoooo-- AH!” He turned away from his beau and held his stomach, wincing in pain.

“No, I don’t know.”

“I-I-- AAH!!”

Still not initially understanding, Clipper was just about to go back to sleep, not interested in playing charades at two in the morning, but then...

“Oh...?” It wasn’t until Clipper saw the rather large puddle on the bed did the realization of what Wild Card was complaining about hit him like a meteor shower. “... Ohhhhh.”

“Geeeeeeet General Outraaaaaaaaaage...!!”

...

Having once had a family of his own, General Outrage was no stranger to childbirth. With a determined expression, he cautiously approached his teammate who was in labor. With a fierce but alert look in his eyes, the leader...

... collapsed on the spot*.

Brainz facepalmed. Looks like he’s on his own now... “... Well, it seems that you’re just about fully dilated. It shouldn’t take long now.”

“G-Guess you’re gonna be an uncle sooner than ya thought, huh Brainz? P-Powdered Parsni-- AH! OW! OWWWW!!”

“Are you okay?”

“WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!? OWWW!!!”

“I’ve got you, kiddo.” Brainz rubbed his teammate’s head. “You’ve just gotta put up with this a little longer.”

“I WANT CLIPPY!!!!!!!!!!” Wild Card howled as if he was being tortured. It sure as grop felt like he was...!

Suddenly, the unmistakable sound of a newborn crying filled the room. Having an extra set of arms, Brainz was easily able to calm the infant and wrap it in a blue blanket.

“You’re doing great so far,” he told the new “mother”. “The second one should be coming out any minute now.”

A few more minutes of further pushing and, sure enough, Wild Card soon delivered the second triplet, then the third.

...

“... Alright Wild Card, you’re all set. Congrats. You and Clipper now have a healthy set of trip-- QUADRUPLETS!?” At the realization that Wild Card was still pushing, Brainz’s eyebrows raised in shock so high that his shades went up with them! “THERE’S FOUR...!?”

To the poindexter’s further surprise, it soon turned out that there were not, in fact, just four.

There were eight.

This whole time, Clipper had been pacing restlessly outside Brainz’s door. He glanced up as the nerd opened it up. “He’s fine now. You can--”

“CINNAMON!”

For a second, Clipper couldn’t seem to breathe. “D-Did they faint...?”

The poindexter nodded. “Outrage did, but I think Wild Card just fell asleep.”

Clipper pulled Wild Card in close. Smiling in his sleep, the bug nuzzled his big guy roughly. It kinda hurt, but Clipper knew better.

Eventually the wolf looked up, seeing Brainz holding two bundles in each arm. “Congratulations, Clipper. Let me be the first to say that you and Wild Card have given birth to a healthy set of, not just triplets, but octuplets.”

Clipper just couldn’t stop staring at them. Their babies. His babies. I’m a dad now... was his last thought before he fell forward, losing consciousness himself.

“C-CLIPPER!?”

*time skip bc I just want this to be over already*

It was hard to believe, but one of the Insurgent Generals finally had kids.

And which Insurgent had become a father, you ask? The completely unpredictable Wild Card.

... So did Clipper the walking wire cutter.

The little butterfly-like** clown snored softly, surrounded by four little red wolf pups and four even tinier caterpillars. Only six hours old, little Quicksilver, Atilla, Trapper, Bumble, Kane, Delphi, Pickles, and Klaxie, born in that exact order, are the most perfect children Clipper and Wild Card could ever have. Tomorrow, the Insurgents’ longtime frenemy Mitzi Ditzy, who had just turned nine in fairy years, will be visiting to meet the octuplets. Clipper can hardly stand the wait... but looking down at his adorkable lover and their brand-new precious lil’ litter, he feels like he can do anything. Even wait for tomorrow.

“... How are you two doing?” Brainz came over and set a tray with a glass of juice and some sausages down on the bedside table as General Outrage hadn’t regained consciousness just yet. “How’re your new lil’ bundles of joy?” He couldn’t help but smile as he reached his hand down to softly pet Trapper (the only one who had cried when anyone other than Brainz held him). Clipper smiled at the kids, then up at Brainz.

“They’re all really adorable... but we should probably get some rest. I’m not the only one who’s flarpin’ exhausted,” Clipper chuckled as Wild Card was still out cold. After all, he gave birth at 2:00 AM, and it was only 8 now.

“I can watch them,” offered Brainz. Normally he was pretty awkward with kids, but these eight were something special. “You two deserve some time alone together.”

All Clipper could do was laugh-- Brainz did have a point! “Alright, alright... But after we get some shuteye we’re gonna spend some time with our new kiddos, got it?”

Brainz nodded as he picked up all eight newborns with ease. Once it was just the two adults on the bed, Wild Card crawled over to Clipper in his sleep, and snuggled into the wolf’s side. Clipper’s never seen the nerd as paternal before, but the genuine happiness in Brainz’s voice as he coos at his new nephews and nieces is pretty much unbounded.

“... and I just know your father feels just the same~! Right Clipper?”

...

“... Clipper?”

Clipper wrapped his arm around Wild Card, already in a deep sleep. Brainz simply smiled.

“... Sleep tight, lovebirds.”

*A cute pet name I came up with on the spot.

**You know someone is truly manly when he passes out at the mere thought of childbirth.

***He metamorphosed :)

Okay okay okay. For those wondering:

Quicksilver (wolf boi #1) is the headstrong leader who inherited his dad’s scissor mastery

Atilla (wolf gal #1) becomes absolutely butch thanks to Outrage’s (who once had a wife and child himself before Dominator) teachings

Trapper (caterpillar boi #1) becomes a genius thanks to Brainz (who’s otherwise not very good with kids) but ends up joining the “let’s make fun of Butthead for being a total nerd” wagon

Bumble (caterpillar gal #1) is basically Wednesday Addams in caterpillar form

Kane (wolf boi #2) is just a chill dude

Delphi (wolf gal #2) is a total tsundere

Pickles (caterpillar boi #2) is a shy boi

Klaxie (caterpillar gal #2) inherited her “mom”’s complete unpredictability

Also WC only called for Outrage

He likes Outrage better than Brainz

But we all know he loves Clipper the most

Therefore he loves Brainz the least

So sad

T.T

[actualaster]

today’s gonna suck laterrrrrrr

bringing my mom into the loop for planning top surgery and that’s.  not gonna be fun.

like as an adult i can do whatever the hell i want with my body.  but also as i still live with my parents it’s not like i can plan a major surgery and not mention it lol

she’ll probably freak out that i haven’t keep her in the loop on it and feel like it’s because i don’t trust her, which isn’t true.

it’s just that she’s had a billion things to worry about, and she’s also a worrier like me, so i figured if it turned out that it was about as viable as going to the moon there’d be no point in giving her one more thing to worry over

but, turns out that it’s not just a pipe dream--there’s a very real possibility that i can get them removed, maybe even as soon as by this time next year.   so at this point it’s no longer just doing research and testing viability, it’s moving into the stage of “actually planning for surgery” so this is the point where it’d make sense to let her know i’m serious about it

(i’ve mentioned it before to her and i think she mostly doesn’t want to think about me being serious--less from the gender perspective and more from the worrying about the risks of a major surgery perspective, y’know?)

but no matter how you slice it, it’s not gonna be the most fun convo lmao

ugh i should probably sleeeeep...

[darkmulti]

Dr. Park

Doctor!Seonghwa x intern!female reader

⚠️Warnings: dirty talking, oral (fem receiving), overstimulation, anal, slapping, spanking, spitting, choking, cum play, degradation, sadist!seonghwa

Poorly written medical stuff. Don’t kill me!

If you want to read the story but not the smut I will put *** at the smut part. Let your imagination take over after that❣️

Some people may consider this non consensual sex so

PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

——————————————————————————

“Oh look at you all knocked out and snoring. Mind toning it down, you’re waking the patients up.”

Your friend Wooyoung enters the room with a bottle of water in hand. He climbs the ladder and lays down next to you on the bunk bed.

“What’s wrong doll?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What’s wrong princess?”

“Don’t call me that either.”

“What’s wrong baby?”

Your hands cover your face in annoyance.

“You are one annoying mother fucker.”

“I know babe. But you know who’s more annoying? Seonghwa.”

A groan left your lips. Even hearing his name was tormenting.

“He really worked you to the bone, didn’t he?”

“Wooyoung I’ve been up for the last 72 hours being his personal assistant. I’m an intern. Here to help and treat people. Not to be his little, fucking assistant. I don’t know why I had to get assigned to him. All he wants me to do is get his lunch, or coffee. He even told me to go fetch his car. I am not a fucking chauffeur!”

You said in an indignant tone.

“There there, my poor little Y/N.”

The male laughed at your frustrated state, pissing you off even more.

“Shut up, you’re not helping. Now if you excuse me like I said, I haven’t gotten any sleep in the last 72 hours, so if you can please leave that would be great.”

You close your eyes once again until you feel two arms wrap around you.

“Wooyoungieeeee! Please let me sleeeeep!”

You whine at the man who now fully had you in his embrace.

“Shh, you’ll sleep better like this.”

You comply and relax your body. Your arms were making its way to snake around his body, until your pager went off.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”

Hurriedly you get off the bed and grab your laboratory coat, quickly putting it on along with your shoes.

“See you later Wooyoung!”

You rush over to the MRI room to see Seonghwa sitting there, observing the screen.

“Took you long enough.”

He spat out in a displeasing tone.

“Sorry, I-”

“Save it. Sit down.”

You sat down on the chair next to him and join his eyes on the screen.

“She has a brain tumor.”

“Malignant Astrocytoma. She said that she couldn’t see out of her right eye. We have to run some tests to make sure.”

Seonghwa sighs and presses the button to tell the lady that it’s over.

“Y/N you’re in charge of telling her.”

“I-”

“Complain one more time and I’ll give this case to another intern. As a doctor this is your responsibility. You can’t throw a hissy fit when something doesn’t go your way.”

A stern look places on his face. His hands gather the scattered papers and taps it on the desk into a neat pile.

“This afternoon. It better be done or else I’ll give the case to Wooyoung.”

Satisfied with his words he gets up and leaves. Your fingers tangled into your hair, slightly tugging on it in frustration. Seonghwa was just taunting you at this point. For his own amusement.

You get out of the room and go downstairs to get lunch. With your heart racing in your chest, anxiety took over you.

This afternoon?

Your eyes scan the cafeteria and you catch Wooyoung digging into his sandwich. You speed walk toward him and drop your tray on the table.

“I need your help.”

At that moment Wooyoung was just about to bite into his sandwich. His eyes look into yours and he freezes.

“Right now?”

“I-I don’t know! Seonghwa pulled me back to reality. How am I supposed to tell a lady she has a brain tumor? Or how am I supposed to break the news to people that their loved ones passed away? Wooyoung I don’t have the heart to do this job!”

“Sit down and calm down. If you want I can come with you.”

“Seonghwa said I have to do it this afternoon and he’s gonna be there too. But I’m just scared.”

“Hey listen.”

He puts his sandwich down and holds your hands.

“I will be right there behind you for extra support. Someone needs to tell them, and when you’re no longer an intern it will fully be your responsibility. The first times always the worst time.”

After reassuring you he went back to munching on his sandwich.

“You’re right. I have to practice.”

“Exactly. It’s unfortunate, but it’s also our job. Hopefully we can get rid of it.”

“Hopefully”

Weight lifted off your shoulders after talking about it. While enjoying your lunch you practice your speech with Wooyoung.

Thirty minutes later you found yourself standing in front of her door. Seonghwa walks up behind you and looks at Wooyoung.

“What’re you doing here? This is Y/N’s case.”

“Uhhh, I just wanted to hear more about this case. You know, learn more.”

Wooyoung makes up a bizarre excuse and Seonghwa rolls his eyes. He enters the room first and you and Woo follow.

Shivers run up your spine and you sharply inhale.

“Hello Ms. Gilbert. The MRI scan showed a mass on the left side of your brain. We’re predicting that it’s a Malignant Astrocytoma, but we have to run a couple of tests before we’re sure.”

“Cancer?”

She asks with tears in her eyes.

“No it’s a tumor. If you came to the hospital any later, it would’ve lead to cancer.”

You respond.

“Can you, Can I call my family.”

“Of course, we’ll tell the nurses right away. But do you have any questions?”

“Is it removable?”

“We’re not exactly sure with what we’re dealing with, but once the test results come back in, we will have you fully updated and guide you through the procedure.”

The woman sniffs her snot up and then covers her mouth.

“That’s all. Please leave my room.”

Your head lowers down. Seonghwa and Wooyoung walk in front of you and you walk out, closing the door gently.

“Didn’t know you had the gut in you.”

Spoke Seonghwa.

“I didn’t either. Now if you excuse me I have to do more research about this case.”

After responding you walk away, only to be yanked back.

“There’s nothing to do research on. We have to wait for the test results. Go home and rest. You have to come back at 7 o’clock for the event. All interns are expected to be there.”

Seonghwa looks at you and Wooyoung, making sure it went through your heads.

“Finally. You’re telling me to go home.”

Seonghwa chuckles at your response and leaves both of you there.

“I guess I’ll see you this evening?”

“You know it!”

You playfully push Wooyoung and you both went your separate ways.

As soon as you arrived home, you showered and slept for four hours. Your feet were throbbing and your hands were aching. The recharge of energy was everything to your body.

While groaning and regretting life decisions you get up, and slip into a classy, black dress and flats. You straighten your hair and do your makeup lightly, so you don’t attract too much attention.

“Perfect”

You turn off all the lights and leave to your car.

Upon arrival, you see Wooyoung outside talking to other interns. He was dressed in a classic tux, looking like a groom. Wooyoung was indeed a handsome, young man. But not your type,,,,,,, maybe.

You park your car and get out, locking it afterward. Wooyoung walks over to you with his hands in his pockets.

“Well, you look stunning.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“What’re you talking about?” He says in a whiny and offended tone. “I always look good.” He huffs.

“Yeah yeah whatever. Let’s go inside, it’s cold.”

Wooyoung protectively puts an arm around your waist and guides you inside to where the event was taking place.

“What kind of event is this anyway?”

You ask Wooyoung

“I think they’re other doctors from other hospitals here. There are some new interns here too.”

Your eyes scan the room until they stop and meet Seonghwa.

He was talking to this other girl, who seemed rather close to him.

“Does Seonghwa have a secret wife or girlfriend that we don’t know about?”

You say jokingly, and gesture towards Seonghwa.

“Ex-wife”

“What?!”

You whisper yell.

“I meant it jokingly Woo. Is that actually his ex?”

“Yeah. Never knew a heartless man could get married. Oh well, anything is possible.”

Wooyoung grabs two drinks from the table and hands one to you.

“They’re serving alcohol in a hospital?”

“It’s not alcohol, it’s juice.”

“Oh”

You two were making small talk and started talking to the other doctors and interns until you saw Seonghwa signaling you to come over. You quickly excuse yourself and make your way over to Seonghwa and his apparent ex wife.

“Oh so this is Y/N. Your new girlfriend.”

Her sentence took you by surprise. Why was Seonghwa telling her that? Has he told more than one person?

He discreetly nudges you to go along with it and you do.

“Uh, yes I am. May I ask who you are?”

“Ex wife of Seonghwa. Shocked that he didn’t tell you about me.”

“Yeah I prefer not to talk about my ex wife with my girlfriend.”

Seongwha says in a rude manner.

The woman smirks and questions you again.

“Who was that man that you walked in with?”

“That was my… brother, Wooyoung.”

“Oh, I see. Best of luck for you, Seonghwa is a hard one to deal with.”

She winks and clicks her tongue at you. Then lavishly walks away into the crowd. You turn to Seonghwa and say

“You better have a good excuse for why you told her that we were dating.”

Seonghwa grabs your wrist and pulls you into an empty room.

“Heyy, let me go! And turn on the lights!”

Your ears perk up when you hear the door lock.

“Seonghwa, I’m sure whatever you have to say can be said with the lights-”

***

Before you could finish your sentence, Seonghwa backs you up against the wall. He cups your cheeks and before you could protest he shoves his tongues into the back of your mouth. His lips danced against yours and his hands went underneath your dress to tug on your underwear.

“Take them off.”

He pulls your dress up and you slide your panties off. You whimper at the cold breeze hitting you wet lips.

Seonghwa bends down and picks up the panties then, displays it in front of your face.

“Black, lace panties. My favourite.”

He places it in your mouth, before kneeling down and spreading your legs.

“Look at this dripping cunt. Who are you getting this wet for?”

A cold slap lands on your pussy, making you jump up.

“Is it for Wooyoung? You two have a thing together, right?”

Before you could answer Seonghwa’s warm tongue lays on your clit, making your walls clench around nothing. His hands placed onto your thighs and held them open, while flicking his tongue onto your clit.

Your hands push his hair back and you spread you legs wider for him.

“Seonghwaa~ Don’t fucking stop!”

Ignoring your order he stops and spanks your ass.

“It’s daddy, you filthy cunt.”

He gets back up and takes the panties out of your mouth, which was drenched in saliva. Throwing it behind him, he starts to suck on your exposed collarbone, and makes his way up to your jawline.

“Open your mouth.”

“No”

Seonghwa grabs your jaw and pulls it down. He spits in your mouth and on your cheek. He pushes your jaw back up and demands you to swallow it.

You gulp it down, and try not to think about it.

“Such a nasty little whore you are.”

The ball of saliva glides down your cheek, until Seonghwa’s fingers rub it all around your cheek, making it feel sticky and tight.

“Come here whore.”

He pulls you towards the recovery bed and bends your body over it.

“Wait! Please be gentle I haven’t had sex in a really-”

He pulls your hair back and spanks your ass, making you yelp.

“I’m a sadist sweetheart. I don’t do anything gentle.”

Without warning the man rams into your asshole, and you struggle underneath him. The sudden stretch felt like lava was being poured into your hole.

“AHHH FUCK! SEONGHWA SLOW DOWN PLEASE!”

You yell desperately while tears run down your cheek.

“I guess we’ll try anal another day.”

He takes his massive cock out of your tight butthole and slides it into your pussy.

“Better?”

“Better”

You faintly whispered out.

Seonghwa grabs one of your legs and places it on the bed, so it was easier to thrust. He grabs your hips and starts relieving all his stress and anger. He grunted and growled your name and whispered sinful things to you.

“You have no fucking idea how long I’ve been waiting for this. My cock pounding deep inside your pussy. Only my cock can make you scream and cry. I’ll prove it to you slut.”

Seonghwa went a little bit faster and gripped onto your hips a little harder, slamming in and out.

He knocked all the thoughts and concerns out of you. All your stress and worries suddenly disappeared. You’ve never felt this happy in your life. Finally having nothing to worry about. This is what you needed. You needed someone to own you, someone to punish your negative mind.

“Faster daddy! Please I’ve been such a bad girl!”

You beg.

“Oh my baby girl wants more? I’ll give her more.”

Seonghwa makes his thrust short but hard, causing all the air to knock out of you.

“OW PLEASE SEONGHWA MAKE ME CUM!”

You scream and move your hips against his cock, feeling your orgasm approach.

“Daddy daddy daddy daddy please! I’m gonna,,,,, oh fuck I’m gonna.”

Seonghwa pulls out making you collapse and cry.

“Holy shit! Fuck fuck fuck! Daddy! Why did you do that?”

You hiss and your hips start humping on nothing. You wanted to yell at him so badly, but didn’t find enough courage or energy to do so.

“I don’t allow bad girls to cum. You have to beg me to cum, slut. My cock is superior. It’s better than any other cock. You have to cry underneath me and beg if you want MY cock and cum to fill you up. Got it?”

“Yes daddy”

You said like a good little sub you were.

“Good. I don’t like repeating myself.”

Seonghwa picks you up off the floor and lays you on the bed. He places your legs on his shoulders and angles his cock to thrust right into your gspot.

You wince and your legs kick up, feeling your lower abdomen being really tight. It didn’t take Seonghwa long to notice your distressed state. He leans in, close to your face and spits on it once again.

He grabs your neck and chokes you, while his hips started heating up and eventually started pounding into you. His balls swung back and forth hitting you cunt each time, making you even more needy. With his other hand he slaps you across the face making you sob out again.

You loved this. Seonghwa had his way around you and now your under him, while he pounds his 8 inch dick into your throbbing pussy.

“Fuck daddy. Daddy can I please cum? Ow fuck please!”

“Little girls don’t swear. Try that again.”

He spanks your ass and kneads it afterward.

“Daddy, can I please cum? Pretty please!”

“Good girl. Go right ahead.”

You shake underneath him as you try to ride the best orgasm of your life. Feeling an intense tickle starting in your abdomen, then moving out to your whole body. Your muscles clench and you sharply inhale and you squeeze the cum out of you. Once your cum covers Seonghwa’s veiny, thick cock, your mind goes blank and you release your muscles. Trying to find yourself you release your breath and quiver underneath the man.

“Fuck babygirl. Look at your sensitive state underneath me. You looked destroyed.”

Seonghwa cums flows into you and he takes his cock out of you, so it could breathe. You didn’t respond to him, as you were still feeling a little overwhelmed and exhausted.

“I’ve never orgasmed in my life.”

Seonghwa looks at you and raises his eyebrows.

“I told you my cock is superior. It can make anyone feel good. Why do you think my ex wife is running back to me? She misses this good ol cock.”

You chuckle at his statement and think about how you’re gonna get out of here.

“Seonghwa I can’t feel my legs.”

“Well, that’s too bad. I guess I have to take you home with me tonight.”

——————————————————————————

Oh I’m so sorry for not posting for so long. I have a busy week and loads of homework so I’m probably not going to be too active. I hope I can get request done by the end of this week though. Also this was a request and I hoped you liked it❣️

Edited🔐

Xoxo, N❣️

[binniesthighs]

YOOO UR ACTUALLY GONNA WRITE THAT OT8 HELL AU?!? ££?) *#& WOW OK IM IMPRESSED THAT'S PROBABLY HARD AS HELL (hehe) TO WRITE

idk how you do it, u have HS and call me babydoll going on and then SUDDENLY ot8 hell au what

also chan hard hours open? ok literally all i can think of rn is chan railing me and just filling me up with his cock. he'd probably get a kick out of cumming inside; i think he'd get hard again after seeing his cum drip out my pussy.

sorry if that was too much lol anyway im really excited to see the next chapters of ur fics!!

when I tell you that I am TERRIFIED of my own creation 😂💀LMAOOOO what have I gotten myself into??? this one time I had a super bad fever and I started having fever dreams so naturally my horny-azz made up a whole porno movie plot so I’m hoping that I can channel that same energy for this fic but...minus the fever (is this tmi? well...😂)

I’ll tell ya how I do it....it’s called no sleeeeep ahhhh shh wait you didn’t hear this from me 👀

but I do plan on staggering them all out 😂 so I will be working on it all over the course of several weeks~ hello stranger will be ending soon *cries* so I’ll have more time to work on call me babydoll! That ones on the back burner until I have the time ehehe but that’ll be soon!! As for Eight Levels I’m hoping to have that one ready in like 2/3 weeks🥰

AND YES hit me with this Chan idea 😉 Chan creampie??? Eeee yes! I also think that Chan’s packing so him fillin ya up would be no problem!! His favorite place to do this would be having ya bent over the bed with one leg propped up so it opens ya nice n’ wide. It also gives him a better view for when he finishes later. (my lowkey breeding kink is about to bust tf out) but he loves finishing inside of you too! Not only is it intimate, but it kinda reminds him that you’re all his and that only he gets to do this with you!

“Fuck baby, you like that? Me filling up your pretty pussy with my cum? Should I fuck it inside you or watch the show...?”

[ddaengyoonmin]

BTS Reaction, Them waking up to you latching on to them (Hyung Line)

(Request)

Genre: fluffy and domestic af. Like so fluffy I’m gonna die🌸

A/N: the Maknae line one will be posted soon 💜

Seokjin:

“Mmm baby what’s up?”  Jin murmured. You were curled around Jin tightly, your leg spread out over his hips, you had been tracing circles on his broad chest with one finger.  “Can’t sleep” you mumbled.  He gently placed a hand over the one on him stalling it.  

“That tickles baby” a sleepy tone lacing his words, his eyes still closed.  You pouted, hovering over his face hoping he’d wake up to see your displeased expression.  “Jinnie I can’t sleeeeep” you whined.  He opened his eyes and let out a hearty laugh at your cute pout.  He planted a kiss on your cheek, “Okay, Okay I’m up.  Midnight snack?” he suggested raising his eyebrows.  He knew you so well.  

Yoongi:

You were curled so sweetly around him, sleeping with your hair messy and lightly snoring.  It was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen.

 He gently brushed a strand of hair aside that was hanging in front of your face and kissed you on the forehead.  You mumbled something from your dreamland state of mind that sounded like “too many puppies” Yoongi’s eyes crinkled and his lips pulled into a smile as he giggled.  He leaned into you and allowed your arms to grip him tighter.

It was the first night he’d ever spent like this with you, sleeping together in the same bed.  He felt so safe and happy in your arms, like this was exactly how life was supposed to be.   He drifted back to sleep with a smile on his face.

Namjoon:

“Y/N!” he shook your shoulder, “y/n, get off of me it's way too hot in here for this” he groaned.  He had woken up in a sweat noticing you were practically laying on top of him.  The heat of the summer night made this unbearable.  “Uh-uh” you mumbled “Need you” and you hugged him tighter.  

He continued his best efforts in shaking you off and then gave up with a sigh. “At least let me go get a fan to put on us love?” he tried.  You mumbled “Fine” with a pout “But don’t take too long” Namjoon chucked and hurried out of your now loose grasp, feeling much better without your hot sticky body against his.  

He grabbed a fan and brought it to his side of the bed putting it on the highest setting and proceeding to crawl back next to you.  Like a magnet drawn to him you were instantly wrapped around him again.  He sighed in relief and put an arm around you, kissing the top of your head “Much better”

Hoseok:

“Wait what is happening here?” Hoseok tried to laugh quietly, wanting to keep himself from waking you up. But he couldn’t contain the surge of laughter rolling over him at the sight he’d just woken up to.  

You had somehow in the night crawled to the other side of the bed, your feet now in his face and your head by his feet.  You were cuddling his legs with both arms and nuzzling into his feet.  

“Oh my god I’m taking a picture of this.  You are hilarious” he chuckled, pulling out his phone.  The flash went off as he took a picture, waking you up.  “What was that Hobi?” you mumbled lifting your head slightly up.  “Shhh. Go back to sleep goofball.” he whispered, and you did as he said, lowering your sleepy head back down and onto his feet like a pillow.

Hoseok held his stomach as he laughed some more looking down at you “I love you weirdo”

[alltheselights]

Hi Emma! I want to congratulate you for posting your fic, I follow you for a long time now and I know it has not been easy for you this last year. So again congrats, you rock girl! I am off to reading your fic now, I know for sure I will enjoy it! All the best 🌸

Yay, thank you so so so much! Also, I apologize in advance to anyone who read my fic in the first 4-5 hours and dealt with any of my mush brain typos. I have since fixed them (or at least, most of them, I hope) so if anyone downloaded it right away and wants to re-download it…please do. I’m always a mess when I post. A MESS. But you guys know that by now.

Anyway, thank you so so much!! I really appreciate this. Everyone has been incredibly nice and supportive today and it means a lot to me because…..I was really nervous.

Anonymous said: Hey, I’m not sure why you haven’t been sleeping, but I hope you get some good sleep soon! Also, everybody be quiet so Emma can sleeeeep 💤 (and wash your hands and don’t be dumb)

I’ve been trying to make my fic as good as it could be! Honestly, I was not really happy with the fic until like….the last two days, so it’s changed a lot and grown a lot from what it was when it started. But now it’s out and I feel really happy about it and I’m going to get lots of sleep and immediately jump in and finish up my secrets fic! I feel super motivated now that I’ve posted something and I’m gonna keep this feeling going. ❤️

Thank you, bub! Also, I promise I’m washing my hands and not being dumb. Mostly.

Anonymous said: When you’re lowkey self quarantine and then one of your favorite writers post a fic. Bless you Love you!!!

I’m sending you all the good vibes and I hope you stay safe and healthy! But if you have to be in self-quarantine, I do hope my fic can serve as a somewhat sufficient distraction. ❤️❤️

[sunyoonandstars]

BTS reaction 2.1.: Dating rumors about them and their little (idol) sister

This one is based on  the following anonymous request: 

So, basically the public is suspecting you, being an idol, and a BTS member of dating, however you are actually their younger sister, which the fans don’t know …

I’m gonna post this in two parts, and hope I’m doing this quite original request justice. I really had fun writing this up, imagining their (bad-ass 😁) idol sisters and their interactions ... Anyways, I hope you enjoy and whoever requested this is more or less content with my interpretation 🙃 Thanks again for the nice request! Keep’em coming! 

**********************************************************

1. Kim Seokjin / Jin

It had been a while since your older brother had called you, both of you being incredibly busy with your careers lately. Therefore, you are surprised when your phone rings first thing in the morning, showing six missed calls by your brother already, his sweetly smiling face flashing on the display when you finally take the call. „Y/n!?“ You can hear the tension in his voice as soon as you pick up. „What is it, Jinnie? What happened?“ You can hear him breathe deeply, unsteadily on the other end of the line. „Jin?“ He doesn't reply. „Kim Seokjin!?“ „Well …“, he sighs, still breathing heavily. „You should better not go outside today, little sister. There might be lots of paparazzi and reporters headed your way, if they’re not already there …“ Confused, you get up from your bed and go to your window, carefully pushing aside the curtains to secretly take a look at the street. And indeed the sidewalk in front of your idol group’s dorm is lined with many, many more reporters and photographers than usual. „No freaking way!“, you gasp. „Why, Jin? What did you do!?“ „Why would you think I did something!?“ „Well, you are calling me at 7 in the morning, so come up with an explanation. And a damn good one at that.“ „Well …“ „KIM SEOKJIN!“ You can hear him sigh through the phone. „Those reporters may or may not be under the impression the two of us are dating...“ Your stomach gets upset at the mere thought of it. „Yuck! What the hell!? We’re brother and sister, for god’s sake!“ „Indeed, we are. And I believe it might be time to reveal the true nature of our relationship. No reason to hide it anymore anyway. You’re popular enough without me now, so you won’t have to worry about people harassing you because of your idol brother, you being an idol, too, and all. They’re drooling over you already anyway, no thanks to me, my pretty baby sister.“ „You’re not getting out of this with a compliment, Kim Seokjin. You better make damn sure that this misunderstanding is cleared up before people get the wrong idea. Or else …“ „Okay, okay!“ You can hear the fear in his voice even without seeing his face, the confirmation that you still hold the reins when it comes to your older brother giving you a feeling of satisfaction. „Jeez, I’m still scared of you, even when we’re miles apart. And you’re three years younger than me. How pathetic.“ „Kim Seokjin. Press conference. NOW.“ „Alright, alright, I’m on it!“

2. Min Yoongi

Out of breath, you come to a halt in front of the door to Yoongi’s building, frantically ringing the bell until finally, a voice sounds over the intercom. „Who is it?“, you instantly recognize the sleepy voice and its annoyed tone. „Who the hell do you think? I know you can see me! And I called like seven times on my way over here! Why didn’t you pick up, asshole?“ „I’m sorry, I’m too tired for this shit right now …“ You press yourself as closely to the door as possible, frantically looking over your shoulder, paranoid for a very good reason. „Oppa! Open the fucking door already! I’m practically live prey out here!“ „What?“ „They spotted me walking Min Holly, okay!!??? It’s all over the internet! Have you been sleeping under some rock for the past six hours??“ „I was at the studio …….. napping.“ „I DON’T FUCKING CARE! Open the door! They’re coming!“ Thanks to your intense physical training and daily dance practice as an idol you had been able to easily take the lead, leaving the most of the reporters far behind, however the first of them are already catching up with you, moving in at a dangerous speed, only meters separating you now. „MIN YOONGI! DOOR! NOW!“ At last the relieving sound of the buzzer fills the chilly air and you can feel the door yield under your weight, quickly closing it behind you as soon as you slip inside and before any of the reporters can get to it. Completely drained, you sink to the floor right then and there, releasing Min Holly, who you’d been holding close to your chest ever since the paparazzi had started chasing you like rabid animals. „You okay, y/n?“ You look up at Yoongi standing in front of you, rubbing his eyes, his expression indifferent, his hair tousled. „Do I look okay!?“ „No. You look like shit.“ „Perfect. I see sooooo many pretty pictures of me popping up on social media tomorrow morning. Like this couldn't have gotten any better …”

Using your sleeve you brush the sweat off your forehead, still breathing heavily. 

„Seriously!?“, you scoff at Yoongi who seems to have forgotten all about you, his attention solely focused on his dog cradled in his arms. „Poor Holly baby. Did those crazy people scare you? Did y/n not take good care of you?“ „Tss“, you hiss, barely managing to get up, your legs still sore from running all the way here. „I protected Holly’s sorry ass from a mob of wack jobs! I’m a freaking hero, that’s what I am, and all you can see is your dog.“ He looks over at you, a smug grin on his face. „You know that’s not true. And you’re adorable when you’re angry, little sis.“ „Yah! Watch your mouth. I’m almost half a head taller than you.“ „Yet two and a half years younger. I’m clearly the more mature one in this equation.“ „You wish!“ You scowl at him. „Anyways, those nasty paparazzi saw me walking Min Holly, took a couple of pictures, posted them online and realized she was also your dog and moreover wearing the exact same collar as in your twitter post from last night. So your, no, our, crazy fans connected the dots, or at least they think they did, and came to the conclusion that we’re head over heels for each other and secretly dating. And, oh boy, they ship us hard. So, deal with it.“ Yoongi grimaces in disgust at the mere idea of people thinking he would be intimate with you, his sister. „Eww! Ewwwww! NO! NO WAY! Why would they even —? We have to —“ „I strongly second that! So, let’s get to it and write up some kind of explanation. It’s time A.R.M.Y. gets to know your charming idol sister...“

3. Jung Hoseok

„Now, let’s practice the last ten steps just one more time for tonight. Come on! Up on your feet!“ Hoseok claps his hands at you, smiling brightly. You can’t believe your brother’s persistent enthusiasm. „Hobi, you’re killing me! Literally!“, you whine, dramatically falling to your knees, sweat dripping from your forehead. „Jeez, you are most definitely brother and sister, both such drama queens“, Jimin teases from a corner of the room where he’s been sitting and watching you for the past couple of cycles of the choreo your older brother had put you through. „Shut your pretty mouth, babe“, you respond, knowing all too well that he is right, though. „Jimin, stop distracting your girlfriend!“, Hoseok scolds him. „She has a comeback stage tomorrow and her members are counting on her!“ „Alright, alright!“, Jimin backs off, his hands raised in resignation. „I’ll just be over here in my corner, quietly admiring my favorite dance machines at work.“ You blow him a kiss before you get back to your spot and Hoseok starts the music again. About an hour later the both of you are finally satisfied with your performance and you get ready to leave for your dorm. In the doorway, Hoseok stops you to give you some more advice on that one tricky part of the dance you had struggled with before tonight, just to make sure you are best prepared. „Alright, Hobi, I got it. I’m gonna be just fine tomorrow, thanks to you. Bets dance tutor ever!“ You get on your tiptoes to give him a peck on the cheek. „Make sure to watch me tomorrow, will you?“ „Of course! I always watch my talented sister’s performances. I have each and every one of them recorded, too“, he smiles at you proudly. „Aww, you’re too sweet, Hobi.“ You say your goodbyes and wish each other a good night, however, as you step out into the night, it suddenly starts to rain, big, cold drops falling from the dark gray sky. „Oh, no! My car is almost a block away!“ „No worries, sis, I’ll come with!“ Being the gentle man he is, Hoseok takes off his windbreaker and holds it up above your heads as a cover against the rain, accompanying you all the way to your car. „Thanks, oppa!“ Again, you stretch to place a kiss on his cheek before you get into your car. The next morning, a call from Jimin wakes you far too early. „Jimin-ah, what the hell!? It’s not even six o’clock yet. I need my sleeeeep!“ „No. You need to check your twitter. Now. It must be blowing up with mentions of you and Hobi-hyung by now.“ Confused, still half asleep, you sit up, grabbing you laptop. „What? Why?“ „Just take a look.“ You do as told and can’t seem to catch your breath. Trending hashtag: #HobiDumpThisSlut „What the hell!!!?“, you finally manage to gasp. But what pops up in your timeline next as most recent is even worse. You can hear Jimin cough on the other end of the line. „NO, HE DID NOT!“, you exclaim, directed at no one in particular, one hand covering your mouth, jaw dropped, your eyes fixed on the tweets Hoseok just posted a few seconds ago through the official BTS account. 

Dear ARMY! All of you should calm down and take a step back! This is MY SISTER you are calling a slut here!! And how can you just claim she is my secret girlfriend and drag her name through the mud like that? 

All I did was protect her from the rain and all she did was kiss me on the cheek! In an innocent, sisterly way! At THAT you leap instantly. But she and Jimin have been seeing each other for almost a YEAR and nobody noticed. 

So stop making things up and just live your lives, please, and leave my sister alone, if you could be so kind. Thank you.

they read.

You just sit there, frozen, blankly staring at the screen in disbelief.

„Did he just freaking expose us!?“, you can hear Jimin scream on the phone, his voice high pitched in panic. „Oh, Hobi …“

*******************************************************

Hope you enjoyed them so far! The other ones will be up here soon! 

Take care!

[kairoth]

1-7, 10, 12-15, 18-24, 28, 30, 38-46, 49-52, 60-61, 72-75, 85-92, 100, 102, 104-114, 117-120, 124-127, 129, 135-150? Do whichever you want though.

hey! done on laptop so sorry if there are any mistakes

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

♥ my mum?? i think.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

♥ definitely shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

♥ wellll soon we'll be going to see the two lil puppies i've gotta choose from and i'm excited about that!

4. Are you easy to get along with?

♥ i mean... idk?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

♥ prob not

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

♥ hhh kind people. like, attracted to as in i'd date them... same thing pretty much but also i tend to fall for more dominant people.  

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

♥ prob not lmao. no one wants to date me i'm gross

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

♥ uhh my mum. last night. sort of.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

♥ literally every song by EDEN takes up my top 50.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

♥ YEA

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

♥ i mean sometimes.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

♥ it's not summer yet but uhhhh i'm gonna get a puppy!

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

♥ hhh our parents are friends and we're still kind of awkward friends? we haven't like actually had full conversations in a long time but we still hang out sometimes.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

♥ yea! but like,, not to where you get bubbles in your mouth cos bleh

20. Do you like your neighbors?

♥ a little! the people close to us are pretty nice. there's this one old lady across the way from us whose dog i used to walk. she let's me pick oranges from her tree and talks to me. it's fun! she's away from home a lot tho since her husband died.

21. What are you bad habits?

♥ rambling, for one. picking at threads for two. uhh, can't think of any more off the top of my head but there's definitely a bunch of other ones.

22. Where would you like to travel?

♥ i reallllyyy wanna go to Ireland. definitely some places in Asia and some more in Europe.

23. Do you have trust issues?

♥ yes.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

♥ sleeeeep. soon enough it'll prob be my puppy

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

♥ my cats and my mum. ooh and my aunt danni.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

♥ maybe! i'm pretty polyamorous tho and if i was in a relationship with more than one person it'd feel unfair if i only married one of them... so it'd be really cool if we could make polyamorous marriage a thing pls.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

♥ OOF. uh. just. someone who is kind and loves me and will take care of me, and who i can do the same for. someone who will put up with my clinginess and paranoia. someone who loves animals and hates people who abuse animals or kids or other people just as much as i do. someone who can put up with my quirks in general. i always imagine someone who, if we're separated and reunite, will let me run to them and do the hug thing where they pick me up lol. we can read books to each other and they won't get frustrated if i stumble over my words, we can share music with each other, cook/bake with each other, travel, see an animal and just coo over them together, watch horror movies even tho i hate them but it's ok because i have them with me. sorry long answer lmao,, i got carried away

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

♥ barnes n noble, hot topic just bc, and uuuuuuh that's it.

40. What do you want to do after high school?

♥ ideally i could do a gap year to travel. i might do a gap year and work so i can get money. i don't know if i can get into college, but my mum suggested interning for a local vet, even tho i'm not in medicine, because it's good to have that knowledge if i wanna own an animal shelter. it's a good idea so i might do that.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

♥ it depends. sometimes if you give someone a second chance they'll take it and stab you with it (metaphorically). it all just depends on what they did, who they are, how they are, how they feel about what they did.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

♥ i used to be super loud when i was younger. sometimes i am when with close friends. now, it could just be that i'm focused, or thinking, or comfortable, or sad, or sick, or upset. when i'm angry with my aunt bc she won't stop messing with me i'll go silent. idk.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

♥ sometimes!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

♥ i'd like to say neither and outerspace. the ocean terrifies me. but so does outer space sometimes????

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

♥ depends on what's happening that day. if something exciting is happening i'll prob get up quick. and if i'm in bed cos i don't feel good then the thing that gets me up is like. the fear of disappointing my parents by not doing anything. or when like my cat is very insistent on needing something (like food or water or getting out of my room) and i don't want to be a bad owner and not get it.

46. What are you paranoid about?

♥ fff what am i not paranoid about?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

♥ mmm... nothing i can really think about?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

♥ black.

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

♥ oh definitely

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

♥ my appearance. or my personality. hm.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

♥ mmm... i won a fencing competition once. but like. it wasn't a huge competition. just a few little series of fights that our teacher was having us do.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

♥ nahh. i've gotten two detentions but never suspended

72. What colour are your towels?

♥ uhh the ones i use are white striped w green and pink.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

♥ there are two 72s??? oh well. uhh only one

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

♥ yea! most of them are just around me, the only two i actually snuggle with are my bbies teddy (a bear i've had since 5) and addi (a panda i got like two years ago?)

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

♥ uhh. maybe 30? or somewhere around there?

75. Favourite animal?

♥ don't make me chooooose

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

♥ never seen it

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

♥ hhh nemo. he's such a good little clever fishie. v mischievous tho

87. First person you talked to today?

♥ mum!

88. Last person you talked to today?

♥ uh prob gonna be my mum

89. Name a person you hate?

♥ trump

90. Name a person you love?

♥ syd ! my kitty

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

♥ uuuuuuuh nah

92. In a fight with someone?

♥ ? nah

100. How are you feeling?

♥ rn? pretty ok. i just finished my geometry course so i've only got three classes left !

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

♥ yes. my entire past. being born. like yikes

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

♥ yes.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

♥ yup

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

♥ ? who knows

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

♥ yea! i used to do lessons but i stopped

108. What should you be doing?

♥ rn? schoolwork

109. Is something irritating you right now?

♥ schoolwork

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

♥ definitely

111. Do you have trust issues?

♥ yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

♥ uh my cat i think

113. What was your childhood nickname?

♥ hb

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

♥ yea! my fave state to go to currently is maryland. i love the temperature and the landscape and the fireflies.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

♥ sometimes!

118. Do you like Chinese food?

♥ one of my faves tbh

119. Favourite book?

♥ oof. that's a hard one. uhm. we were liars by e. lockhart.

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

♥ yes.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

♥ no. lust at first sight, yea, but not love.

125. Do you believe in true love?

♥ maybe.

126. Are you currently bored?

♥ a lil.

127. What makes you happy?

♥ loved ones, animals, music, warm blankets.

129. What your zodiac sign?

♥ this is always a complex answer from me lmao. technically i'm a leo. but i was supposed to be born in october, not august. and i've always related more to scorpio (and pisces tbh lmao). so i always wanna say i'm a scorpio

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

♥ FF. IT'S SO DUMB I DON'T EVEN WANNA SAY. WORST TIME OF MY LIFE. sorry for caps

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

♥ closed

137. How tall are you?

♥ 4'11

138. Curly or Straight hair?

♥ on me? well long it's curly but it's short rn. it kinda still curls in some spots tho

139. Brunette or Blonde?

♥ naturally i'm a mix. or 'dirty blonde'

140. Summer or Winter?

♥ winter.

141. Night or Day?

♥ night

142. Favourite month?

♥ november

143. Are you a vegetarian?

♥ nahh. i enjoy meat too much

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

♥ milk chocolate is the only chocolate in my eyes

145. Tea or Coffee?

♥ mmm that's hard. i love earl grey tea but coffeeeeeeeeeeeee

146. Was today a good day?

♥ eh. i finished a class so yea

147. Mars or Snickers?

♥ snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

♥ ffffff idk tbh

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

♥ i am a ghost!!!

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

♥ there's no book close to me and i couldn't find my fave which is stressing but i'll do this before looking for it so i'mma just use a random one. book is we all looked up, by tommy wallach. "he marched into the school and took the director aside, explaining that they had a strict rule in their house - curriculars before extracurriculars."

[icybeanheadcanons]

Lazy Boys reacting to their S/O having insomnia (like, able to say awake for a week with huge bags under their eyes saying "Yeah I'm good" kind of insomnia) who is also really, REALLY bad about taking their pills? And when they do remember and get tired they turn into Ultra Snuggle Monsters and latch onto their bro, constantly sleepily muttering how much they love them and how they never want to move because they're safe and warm and happy?

Classy Bean

okay you’re WORSE than him on sleep. He’s better at remembering your medication though so he’s going to be your small reminder everyday. You’re a lot more rested while dating him. How cuddly you get when you’re tired is honestly very welcomed and he’s just as content with never wanting to move again. He’s fine here. He has all he needs. Pssh. Tale can just bring him food, he’s not moving.

Red Boy

He’s got a horrible memory when it comes to sleep. Going to bed on time? What’s? that???? Having more that 2 hours of sleep??? What???? Soft Edge is having to suplex you both into your bed. You still don’t sleep. Red Boy makes sure that it doesn’t ever come to a full week though because he actually googled what happens if you don’t sleep for humans and now he has a small fear of you getting to that point. He thinks it’s adorable how cuddly you are when you get tired though and he’s gonna go to bed with you just to cuddle and shower you in affection.

Honey Bear

He’s inventing new ways to remind you to take your medicine because you are worse than him in shitty sleeping habits. No you cannot stay up for a god damn week. He won’t let you.

“You’ve heard of elf on the shelf. Now let introduce you to take your meds!”

“That doesn’t even rhyme.”

“Take your fucking meds.”

He enjoys hearing you go on about how much you love him. It’s wonderful and pure.

Rus

He leaves notes everywhere that remind you to take your meds. Then he’s reminding you. You won’t be forgetting. Not anymore. You don’t have to worry about letting him go when you’re tired and sleepy because he will carry you around for a bit because he also never wants to let go. (but he also still has a few more things to take care of.) He will be putting you bed as soon as he can though so you get the rest you desperately need.

Axe

Holy fuck take your fucking meds. You need sleep. Your week without sleep is not considered functioning. Go the fuck to bed. He doesn’t remind you everyday but he definitely notices when you’re getting to the “kill me I’m slowly dying inside” function. There has been a few times where he’s chucked the bottle of medication at you. Go to sleeeeep. Just. Do it. He loves how cuddly you are when you’re sleepy though, he just completely melts. God you’re adorable. Just. So fucking cute.

[surveysonfleek]

714.

Amazingly new questions, you ready? try me.

What is something that is bothering you right now? this isn’t considered a new question lol.

Will you be in a relationship one month from now? neither does this zzzz.

Who was the last person to see you cry? my boyfriend.

Do you drink bottled water?  i switch between tap and bottled, whatever’s available.

What was the last thing you drank? water.

Do you hate the last person who called you? no.

Where is your best friend right now? probably sleeping.

Do you believe in love? sure.

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? i had to drive to work. 

If you’re being extremely quiet, what does that mean? tired, upset, angry, awkward.

Last person of the opposite sex you texted single? nope.

Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing: they’re my pyjamas.

How long have you lived in your current home? since 1999.

You never know what you have until it’s gone. True or false? true.

Are you sad when someone says they hate you? depends how i feel about them.

Are you scared of losing the person you like to someone else? it’s not something i think about but i’d be pretty devastated if they left me out of the blue.

Will you be in bed in the next 20 minutes? i’m already in bed.

Do you laugh at inappropriate times? yes.

What time did you wake up today? 11:30.

Would you rather be single all your life or grow old with someone? grow old with someone for sure.

How many bracelets do you have on right now? one.

How long have you liked the person you like right now? yearssss.

Is there someone of the opposite sex you can talk to? yes.

Do you like mac n cheese? nope.

Do you get mad when people don’t text back? if i’m expecting a reply, then yeah.

What does your phone do when it receives a text? if it’s on silent, nothing. it’ll just show up on the screen. on loud it’ll just make the text tone.

How late did you stay up til last night and why? until 3-4am. it’s my usual bedtime.

Are you going out of town soon? no.

Think back to Februrary, how was your love life? the same it is now.

Will you regret your next kiss? no.

What is in your pocket? no pockets.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? no.

Are you happier now or 5 months ago? just the same.

Are you usually wide awake when you wake up? nope. unless i overslept.

Can you remember the last person you texted without looking? my boyfriend.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you? only in summer.

Do you listen to music everyday? yes.

How long have you known your first phone contact? not bothered to check.

Who are all your texts in your inbox from? mostly my boyfriend, family and then friends.

Do you have a hard time making decisions? sometimes. depends.

Are you gonna be home alone tonight? nope.

What are you looking forward to? sleeping.

Are you a morning or night person? night.

Are you excited for this weekend? nothing’s planned, so not really. excited for not working though.

What are you wearing on your feet? nothing.

If there was a large spider in your room, would you stay in the room? yeah, to kill it.

What is the last thing you touched, other than your computer? my hair.

When was the last time you talked to your best friend? today.

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? no.

Are you a social or anti-social person? i’m very social when i’m in the mood.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? yes.

Where were you last night at 8 PM? at work.

What color is your cell phone? black.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you drank? water.

Your last received text, would you kiss them? yes.

Have you told anybody you loved them and meant it? yes.

Are you in a good mood? i’m neutral.

What were you doing an hour ago? driving.

Is there anyone that could make your day if they showed up at your house? yes.

Does your middle name begin with an A, M, or S? nope.

How old was the last person you rode in a car with? 26.

What color was the last vehicle you were in? black.

Do you have plans for next weekend? a friend’s bday and a possible games night lol.

What was the last movie you saw in theaters and who did you go with? jumanji, with my boyfriend.

How old were you in 1999? 8.

Are you taller than 5'6"? no.

Who were the last three people to call you? my boyfriend, dad and mum.

What were you doing last night at 10pm? i had just finished work.

If you turn around, what is behind you? the wall.

Would you dye your hair hot pink for $50? just $50? no.

Do you have any step or half siblings? no.

What color is your underwear? floral print.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? big w.

Who was the last person to hug you? my boyfriend.

Who is on your mind right now? sleeeeep.

In how many years will you be thirty? omg don’t ask.

What are your plans after this? sleeping.

Are you currently barefoot? yes.

What’s the dumbest thing you have ever said? haha many things surely.

You can never drink tea again or soda. Which do you give up? omg... i’d love to say tea but never drinking soda again would be good for me.

Last time you drank coffee? a week ago.

Do you listen to screamo? no.

In what month were you born? dec.

Do you take vitamins daily? no.

Who is your 9th contact in your phone? idk.

How many programs are running on your computer now? three.

What’s the first icon on your desktop? finder.

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? sleeping.

How old is the cellphone you have right now? a year and a half.

Do you get pissed off when your computer freezes? yes. duh. who doesn’t?

What’s the last thing you laughed at? idk something in conversation.

What’s one thing you hate about your best friend? idk he knows exactly how to push my buttons lol.

Where is your dad right now? sleeping.

[bucky-ish]

yes i’m doing better now !! also i just had a german oral exam which went pretty a well although i can’t speak german for shit lol so i guess that’s good but i still have tons of exams like every day for the rest of the year rip

yes omg get a diary ! i bought one that super neat but and idk simple ? and it’s helped me stay organized (sorta) so definitely do that !!! also i really like not having to think about what i have to do cuz past me already did i love her sm so love your past self too !!!

oh yes i totally understand babe and just know that if you ever feel like venting to someone or literally anything, my asks and dms are wide open for you i love you don’t worry everything’s gonna be fine you rock !!

thank you 😭😭 i guess i need a good luck everyday cuz like tomorrow is french exam, thursday english friday philosophy monday german and maths jrkgkrkfkd should i go on cuz there’s a looooot more where that came from wtf 😭😭

BUT i’ll be on holiday soon so i can finally sleeeeep ugh djfjfkkfkdd

also i’ve been speaking german for the past hour so like my english is dead rip forgive me

hey youuuu how are you todayyy ❤️❤️

HIIIII I’m great. I’ve been busy with school and I ended up falling asleep for hours, just woke up, didn’t do my homework and I thought it was the next day😂 How have you been? I hope you’re more organised than I am🥰.

[seriouslysoulsearching-blog]

I’ve been so, so busy

The whole month of January has practically gone by and I haven’t posted anything! Day shift at work is VERY consuming. The pace is SO different from nights. The first week or two of working days I felt like my head was spinning from trying to keep up with all the buzz of day shift and trying to learn new stuff. Not to mention waking up at 5 in the morning--ugh! I feel like crap every morning I wake up. I just zombie through the first hour and a half until I get onto the floor. However, once the day starts, I hit the ground running. I don’t feel tired during the day because there’s literally any time to sit. When I come home, I’m WIPED. Days has a whole different pace because there’s more daily meds to be given,  discharges/admissions happen more frequently, report to the NPs, talking to the patient’s and their families. It’s A LOT but I’m still liking it. I feel so incredibly grateful to be working on the unit that I do. The floor itself is interesting because it’s trauma. It’s not boring as shit like a general med-surg floor would be. It’s a smaller unit and the patients still share 2 to a room and the floor is sectioned off in pods so all my patients are in the same area (i.e: I’m not running all over the place) And most importantly, the staff are WONDERFUL people. So open to giving help and teaching me when I ask questions/ask for assistance. They are so friendly and so nice. Even though I enjoyed nights, I’m going to officially work for days. My manager approached me two or so weeks ago and told me that I would have the option to choose what shift I would work once orientation ends (which is Feb 4th--two weeks away!!???!?!) since there are people leaving on both shifts. I was a little undecided for a few days, but I was sold working for days when I was able to actually be productive on my days off--such as: running errands, seeing friends, or simply having time to myself. I’ve even gone out after work a few times to meet up with friends.

Which brings me to my next point I wanted to mention, I’ve been feeling more up to socializing than I have in a really long time. And most importantly, I finally feel like I’m beginning to be more like myself again. I feel lighter in the sense that my mind is less heavy. Don’t get me wrong, my anxiety is prevalent on the regular, but I’m laughing more sincerely--I mean like good belly laughs, almost crying. I’m getting along SO much better with my mom--I’m able to practice more patience with her. I don’t know if that’s because it’s a good week for me or that’s how it’ll hopefully move forward with my mom. I think now that she see’s me working and making a living, she’s giving me more space/ given me more respect. Which is nice but I should have been getting that regardless. I DIGRESS. Back to my point. I’ve been socializing more as of late. My old friend Jack texted me earlier this week inviting me to see his band play at a place in Philly. He said Cate, Zayna, Jess were going and that after his gig they were just gonna drink afterwards at that bar. I had work that night but I told him I’d come afterwards. I figured I hadn’t seen my old high school friends in quite some time and it would be a great setting to meet up with them--and I was exactly right, I had a ton of fun with them. I felt like I always say I want to hang out with that group when they’re hanging/ say I want to see Jack play, but never follow through. But on Thursday night, I followed through and had a good time. I brought a change of clothes with me to work, got changed and cleaned up in the staff locker room, and pushed through the sleepiness. I’m glad I did! Cate is my true connection left to that group. Well, actually, Zayna will always be my bud too, we’ve always been so comfortable with each other and every time we see each other we leave off right were we left it. Anyway, I’m just proud I followed through this time. THEN, Friday night (yesterday), I met up with Lindsay. I texted her last weekend out of the blue and asked if she wanted to get drinks in the city. I wanted to see her new apartment and catch up. I feel like now that I’m single and working, when I do have time off, I want to be more proactive. I had a GREAT time with her as well. Our conversation was so fun. Considering we’ve known each other since we were three, we’ve had a natural connection, so that too felt really natural. I wasn’t feeling anxious leading up to it or during, which was a concern of mine. Anyway, we walked to a pub called Dandelion a few blocks away from her apartment in rittenhouse. I loved the atmosphere of the place it was so cozy, so packed, and really reminded me of pubs in Ireland. I love that Lindsay is at a point in her life where she’s just so free in terms of like, interacting with guys. Like when were signing the check at the pub, she put her phone number down on the receipt of our cute waiter! Like that is bold! I’d wuss out of doing that. I definitely want to keep going out with her because she’s single like me and just down to have a good time. And I really need that right now. We were joking our goal of the night was for each of us to make out with a guy that night (it didn’t happen, but the night was still great) Then after the pub, we stopped by her apartment to put my leftovers in the fridge. We were sitting and talking on her couch, and I was getting all comfy thinking I’d be ready for bed and even mentioned possibly just taking the patco back home, and Lindsay was like “it’s not even midnight yet. c’mon kait you said we had to find guys that we were gonna make out with. lets go to this bar right down the block for a drink” and I was like welllll I kinda wanna sleep and she didn’t take no for an answer she replied with something along the lines of “cmon lets just go to this bar and we could order water and go home after that” And I couldn’t say no to that! I grabbed my coat and off we went. When we first got to the bar, it was kind of empty. We grabbed a seat at the bar and got chatting with these two super attractive bartenders (we later figure out the one is engaged--sigh--but he was really cool to talk with regardless) We ended up staying there until 3 in the morning hahaha. When we got back to her apartment, we munched on my cold leftover fries and fell asleep in her bed. It was SUCH a good night. She’s such a good balance for me. Lindsay has always been the bossy type and in this situation, it was beneficial! I’m glad she pushed me to get my coat on.

Another major thing: I BOUGHT A CAR TODAY!!! Actually, funny story leading up to that, I woke up at 7:30 this morning (that’s right, I only slept for like, 3 1/2 hours) to make sure everything was lined up so I could get my car today. It was before nine when I got on the Patco. 15th/16th station wasn’t all that busy so I didn’t really think much that when I went underground and got onto the train (which I watched come in, btw) it was empty. The train doors close and the lights turn off. I’m like “hm okay, they’ll come back on in a second, I know sometimes they flicker” well, THEY DIDN’T. And then I noticed it didn’t stop at 12/13th st, or 9th/10th, the train would just blow through them. By 8th and market stop I came to the full realization that I’m on an empty, out of service train! I was underground and had no phone service. My next though was, well WHO am I going to call?? Would I just end up going all the way to lindenwold to the service station and have to bang on the heavy metal train doors until someone saw me?? To be fair, I stayed REALLY calm through this. I realized how comical it was from the getco. So because I stayed calmed, I was able to think about finding a number to called based on remembering there was a sing on train I read every time I take it which says something along the lines of “if you see suspicious behavio , call this number” And it turned out being helpful! The patco police number was on that sig! Once the bridge was crossing over the river, I was able to get service again, and I knew once I’d get back on the jersey side my service would drop for the first few stops since they’re also under ground. So as soon as I saw that 4G icon pop up on my phone, I called the patco police and was like “um hi hello I’m a passenger on a train and I don’t think they know I’m on it because the lights are out and they haven’t stopped at any of the stops yet” hahah sucha funny phone call to make. And they were like, well what train are you on/which direction/what stop do you need to get off on/we’ll contact them/we’ll call you back (in gist) Welp, turns out, it was an express train that was running today for the women’s march that was goin exclusively to and from 15th street stop to collingswood. WHOOPS. Hahaha. Makes for a great story and I got plenty of laughs out of it today. And I managed to make other people laugh while telling it. It was a fun mini adventure to have while mildly hungover.

I’m going have to finish talking about my day today tomorrow. I have work in the morning and it’s almost 10:30. I NEED SLEEEEEP so tired. Especially from today. So exhausting! I did so much running around. As soon as I got off the patco, I was calling the car dealership about faxing stuff over to my credit union in order to secure the loan. The loan office was only open til 1 today so I had a time crunch. By the time the dealership sent over the proof of purcahse papers to the credit union, it was 11. And I called twice in the morning and couldn’t reach anyone. So I decided to drive over there myself to hopefully speed up the process of getting that check from the credit union. I get to the office building around 11:45 and the woman was like “well, I may not be able to process it today because there’s another person who I was gonna do the car loan paperwork and I may not be able to do yours before 1 today” blah blah blah. But I was like “welp, I’m just gonna sit here” and sure enough, I got helped on. While waiting for the loan person to get all my paper work ready for me to sign, I had to call the insurance company and open up my own policy. And I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Honestly this whole process of buying a car, I’ve basically followed my mom’s suggestions (she’s more informed) but I have like barely a fucking clue about the interest rate, car insurance, and loan shit. My brain was FRIED. Not to mention, I was moderately hung over, and hadn’t gone home yet. So it’s like 1 PM by the time I sign my loan paperwork and get the check, and I’m STILL wearing my outfit from last night, with the make up I didn’t wash off my face from the night before, smelling like B.O. So I quickly race home, shower off my hang over, and shove my face with food because I hadn’t eaten at all at that point. Then around 2:30, I headed down to the car dealer with my mom to pick up my car. That shit took almost two or so hours to get done as well. I was so eager just to get the fuck out of there. Doing this whole adult thing is fucking exhausting. I was running around ALL day today for this fucking car purchase. It was damn worth it though because I absolutely love my new car. I love love love it. Every thing about it. I feel so comfortable driving in it. I enjoy being higher up off the ground--I can see so much more. 

Okay so I said I was gonna go to bed but ended up writing all that so now I REALLY need to stop typing and get some sleep because it’s almost 10:45 and I’ve gotta be up sooner than I’d like. It’s kinda funny that everything I wrote is basically from this past week. It goes to show how much goes on on the day-to-day. I still have to talk about that date I had with a guy named Dan and my current feelings about looking for guys. But for now...zzzzzzz

[haphmat]

Life Update

Hold up, let me just dust this blog off a bit…*cough cough*

Oof. More spiders than I remember.

Apologies if this isn’t the most active blog. I’m still firmly in belief that my audience is purely hypothetical. I’m doing this mostly so I can look back at this when times are better, to remind me that things CAN get better. I’ll post something nerdy after this, I’m sure, but this is a time to be serious.

Life’s not great, as I think I implied. There’s some goods, and some bads…and the bads happen to be bigger than the goods. First, the good things, since I think it’ll be a bit lame to finish this off with some arbitrary happy things.

Sleep has been a challenge for me in the past, and now it isn’t. I tend to get a bad case of “monkey brain” before bed. Y'know, when your brain can’t really settle down and keeps churning things over when you just want it to SLEEEEEP. It’s exhausting. Last year, I discovered ASMR, and was surprised by how much I like it it, despite the lack of tingles (I think it happened once? Maybe?). Since I started listening to it at night, in bed, I haven’t had issues sleeping, especially in the past several months.

Hmmm…oh, I picked up a couple new interests. Kpop crossed my radar a couple months ago, and for whatever reason, I investigated further. Jesus christ, the awesome that is 2NE1…so good, I never would have guessed. Their music and the accompanying videos are just a joy to watch, and on top of that, really good for my creativity. Also started listening to The Adventure Zone podcast. I marathoned that sucker so hard I had to slam the brakes just to avoid the end of that road. Thankfully, still more episodes to come, and the comedy never fails to brighten up the day. Good things, people. Good things.

And now for the…not so good. This part’s gonna be shorter, mostly because it’s all kind interconnected. Just a thick knot of stuff I still trying to parse out.I’ve been depressed for awhile. Fought pretty hard against that at first. Turns out I had a misconception of the problem. With a new understanding of it, things seem obvious now. It’s technically a good thing, since I know what’s going on and can take steps to figure things out, but it won’t happen any time soon.

Probably the Big Bad would be my current living situation. Living with my parents right now, which hasn’t really helped my mental health. Starting around middle school,  a long, long time ago, things changed in the family household. Emotional abuse became a normality, and its gotten even worse since I started (and finally finished!) college. My dad went from a man obsessed with his kids respecting his authority to a delusional conspiracy theorist who has made it impossible for anyone to disagree with him. You can’t intelligently argue with a person who refuses to acknowledge reality. Worse than that, my mom is in total agreement with him. My parents are strangers to me, and now I want nothing more than to make it mutual. I don’t see the point in staying. My dad has been clear that he believes he’s done right by his kids, so an apology won’t happen.

I’m close to moving out. I’ve set plans, but things’ll be tough if I don’t scrounge up the money in time. I’m close now, and more than anything, I’m afraid my depression-induced inertia will fuck me over. Rough waters ahead.

[precious-boring-life-blog]

Whirlwind of Fuckery.

😈Today is Tuesday. Saturday was the last day I wrote, if I'm not mistaken. What all has happened? Hmm.. Let me think. Tons of bullshit with that older man. Promises not kept. Lies that I KNOW are being told, but don't dare go in with full-blown accusations, because he has money.. & since I'm on a run, I always need dope. Whatever. He left me hanging all day yesterday while I kept stringing Chris along all day & he kept stringing HIS dude along all day... Finally, after getting dropped off at 10 AM, receiving a promise he'd return at 1 o'clock and we would go & get a bag... Then proceeding to wait ALL day while being fed some bullshit... I finally mustered up some mojo & formulated a plan to get my own shit. Had to create a huge Smorgasbord of a lie to convince my dad out of $40 for dinner & a movie with NA people. Yeah.... I'm bottom-of-the-barrel terrible & although that rhyme sounded cool, it's not meant to be lighthearted. For some reason when I wrote that down about my dad, I feel super awful & ashamed all of a sudden. Honestly, I fucking should, too. My parents have sacrificed so much to try and save me from my addiction to heroin & I have thrown it down the drain AGAIN. I don't know how they haven't caught on or kicked me out yet. My mom has asked me multiple times & all except once, several weeks ago, it's something I always deny. Still.... Can't help but wonder... A part of me feels like they have got to fucking know. I had Chris pick me up last night around 6, & the timing was perfect. I needed to leave before 6:30 and be gone until at least 11. Problem solved. We went back to his house, I smoked my whole sack up quick despite a weak willed promise to myself I'd save a LITTLE bit for the morning. Blazed a bowl & a joint of this weed also procured from this older man. Then we fell asleep on his bed until tapping on the ajoined bathroom window from the porch woke us up - it was just Abraham returning home from work in Royal City. I came home & passed the fuck out from midnight until basically 11 AM. I did wake up once around 6, managed to stumble out into the kitchen while my dad was sitting at his computer & bum a smoke from him. After several long drags, I smashed the smelly, cancerous slave-driver of a product face first into the glass ashtray on the stove ; small round and clear with a psychedelic heart painted in the center, it was a gift from my mother. I shuffle back to my bedroom shut the door dive back into warm covers turn a pill bottle over into my palm, two little hot pink ovals pop em into my mouth and away to sleep I go. Benadryl only works like that (for inducing sleep) whenever I'm high. While sober it didn't have that effect. Weird, whatever... Unimportant! Really, though, none of what I've written on this blog so far is important. Just the loaded ramblings of a 25 year old on-going, off-again junkie loser without a future, destined to die probably living in this same fucking room. When I finally woke up again, 5 hours after popping those allergy meds in hopes of them doing exactly what they actually did (sleeeeep💗) I hung out around the house with my Ma. A&E has started showing a trailer advertising the February 20th premiere of the new & FINAL season of a show we binge-watched on Netflix together & fell in love with... Sooo that means Netflix added new episodes of Bates Motel! We watched at least 6-7 episodes I think. Old guy hit me up saying he wanted to buy a sack; had $100. He didn't want to go pick anyone up other than me (which was a problem) because Chris wasn't answering & Kayleigh is in jail, poor thing. After bullshitting with Andy Packard for a bit on when his dude was going to pick him up & then meet us... I wasn't sure if I believed that was really going to happen, so I decided to take a chance. Instructed Romeo to swoop me and drive me up past the car wash. Had him park further back then normal, and decided to try my luck knocking on the bathroom window of the Naab house. BOOM. IT WORKED. I'M IN. Fucker was sleeping all day. I had just seen him the night before (he dropped me off just after 11) but apparently he didn't didn't go to bed until 9 o'clock this morning. Anyways. He called his dude. I told my ride / ATM to wait over at the gas station (GOD I'M AN ASSHOLE) and while waiting Packard called me ten times cause guys dude was in the way, I made up some story we got pulled over on the other side of town & "homeboy" got arrested on a warrant outta Kittitas County. The little Mexican teenager Chris goes through showed up (we heard his car crunching over snow & ice out in the driveway) so my buddy ran out, and minutes later returned with a nice hefty chunk of some super-fire, or as fire as it gets around these podunk parts. I smoked two pieces with him, as a peace offering for waking him up, broke off some more and put it in a second baggie hidden stealthily away in my right sock, and called my ride to swoop me back up. We get to his house, do all of the bag (aside from what I had hidden) and talk about my plan to get off this shit using subs - subs he got from his coworker that are waiting in his locker at work... Subs that he is supposed to be bringing me shortly after his shift ends at 7 AM Wednesday morning. This morning. Today. I hope to God he comes through with those. I worry, because while he HAS done alot for me he has also been pretty flaky on a couple occasions. I've actuality been sitting on a message in my FB inbox from him that I need to reply to NOW (not purposefully avoiding it, I just honestly keep forgetting) so he stays engaged and it's still thinking about me (so I can get those subs here in the next 6 hours). Very important. Pause all of this ; I'm going to reply to him now. OH, but I cleaned out my tooter less than a minute ago & it was funky full, for all variables considered... So honestly I'm gonna hit this real quick & THEN reply. &&&&& I'M BAAAAACK. 😈💗😐 So I'm back. One more hit real quick. Smoking my last cig for the night. Oh boy... I told myself I'd be going to bed early tonight; it's now closing in on 3 AM. I have to be awake at a quarter to seven (6:45- DON'T FORGET TO SET AN ALARM, DUMMY) to meet J. Romeo for those subs when he gets off work. Please, good lord, PLEASE... Let him come through. Please, please, pleeeease. 🙏 Soon as I finish this little blurb of a blog.... Well, what was supposed to be a quick daily check in / drug-a-log... I skipped the last 2 days since Saturday so this entry turned into more of an amphetamine-fueled nonsensical novel HAH! (If a statement could ever perfectly describe my style of writing... That would be it 😂) but as soon as I'm done with this cigarette, I have to be done with this entry. Then, I'm going to brush my teeth, put Neosporin on my face (which I picked to hell and back this evening...sad day) and try to pee one last time... Then I'm crawling into bed, setting a 15-minute timer, and doing a Stream of Consciousness exercise (S.O.C.). Basically the concept is just to set a timer and do not stop writing until the bell. Sense doesn't need to be made nor does punctuation really need to be used. The idea is just to spill your guts, your heart, your soul, out onto the pages. Free your mind from the hamster wheel of worry and thought by expelling it onto the empty lines of a journal. Cigarette is done. Think I might just do the rest of that bag right now... Fuuck it. One last hurrah; thirty dollar chunk of fuego and a few pages of chicken-scratch prose. Debating... Debating... I'm already pretty high... I don't know if he will come through for SURE with those subs... If he doesn't, & I smoked this all tonight, I'm screwed. I'm screwed either way without em, whether I smoke now or not... Totally irrelevant. If he does, I will be so relieved. I will be able to get off this shit, finally... After TWO FUCKING MONTHS. WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE DID THE TIME GO? HOW THE FUCK DID I END UP HERE? Why on earth did I decide to go back out? I don't want to live like this anymore... Please Goddess, hear my cry & help me. Please let him come through with those Suboxone, that is my one and only hope.