#i’m gonna be more open and make friends and have fun!! yay college experience!! if i’m gonna have to do i’ll enjoy it damnit!

[c-nan]

i have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow 😭

[mikrokyla]

finding my way to love you; sakusa kiyoomi 

now playing: “i won’t say i’m in love”

masterlist

stage 1: acquaintances 

“Meet our new manager, Y/n!” Hinata exclaims, pushing Y/n towards the team. Y/n smiles and waves shyly, the whole team greeting her excitedly. 

“Woah, you got us a pretty manager, Hinata! Nice to meet ya, I’m Atsumu.” Atsumu introduces himself to Y/n, shaking her hand. 

“Nice to meet you.” She smiles brightly at Atsumu. 

She’s pretty, Sakusa can’t deny that, but that’s just it. She’s just Black Jackals’ pretty manager. 

Sakusa watches the whole team introduce themselves to their new manager, everyone trying to leave a good impression on the pretty girl. Atsumu notices Sakusa keeping his distance between everyone and drags him towards Y/n.

“This is Omi—he’s our outside hitter. Omi, say hi.” Atsumu speaks for Sakusa. Sakusa glares at Atsumu then turns to Y/n. 

“It’s Kiyoomi, by the way. Nice to meet you.” 

“Nice to meet you, Kiyoomi.” Y/n replies, reaching her hand out for a handshake. 

Sakusa looks down at her hand and looks back at her again, his hands fiddling in his jacket pockets. He slowly takes out one of his hands and shakes her hand, quickly putting it back in his pocket after. 

Atsumu’s eyes widen and he exclaims, “Omi?! Why can’t you give me a handshake too?!” Sakusa rolls his eyes at Atsumu, walking away from everyone again to escape Atsumu. Atsumu looks at Y/n and says after seeing her confused face, “He’s a germaphobe, he usually doesn’t interact with others physically.” 

“Oh, I see.” Y/n nods her head, looking back at Sakusa. “He still shook my hand.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s interesting that he actually shook your hand.” Atsumu says. Y/n nods her head then walks away to talk to the captain about anything she needs to do. Meanwhile, Atsumu observes his teammate from afar and then smiles.

“It’s very interesting.” 

stage 2: friends 

It’s been about three months since Y/n became Black Jackals’ manager and she’s gotten close with the team. The team always invites her when they go out somewhere so she’s gotten to know everyone very well. 

The team has gotten to know Y/n too. And by team I mean…. ya know… him..

“What are you doing?” 

Y/n looks up from her laptop and sees Sakusa standing on the other side of the table, across from her. “I’m doing homework.” 

He starts walking over to her in curiosity. “What homework?” 

“For college, I’m not planning on being your manager for the rest of my life, you know.” 

Sakusa sits next to Y/n, resting his chin on the palm of his hand as he talks to her. “What are you gonna major in?” 

“Architecture.” Y/n replies, scribbling notes on her notebook. 

“Omi, let’s drink shots!” Atsumu calls him over from the kitchen. 

“No. You’re gonna get drunk and start throwing up everywhere. That’s gross.” Sakusa says, cringing just thinking about vomit. 

“I’m not gonna get drunk! I can control myself—Y/n, you want a shot?” 

“I don’t think I should, I have a class tomorrow morning.” 

“You’re a bad influence, Tsumu.” Bokuto says, shaking his head. 

“You’re the one who wanted a shot too!”

“You have a class tomorrow?” Sakusa asks Y/n, ignoring the bickering in the background. She nods her head. “So you won’t be at practice tomorrow?” 

Y/n shakes her head. “Nah. I’ll stop by during your individual practices after class though.” 

“We’ll probably be practicing late though, wouldn’t you want to go to sleep after a lecture?” 

Y/n looks at Sakusa. “Why would you be practicing late?” 

“What?” Sakusa blinks.

“You guys always stay late even though you practiced like the whole day already. There’s no reason for me to be sleepy during your individual practices unless you guys are staying until 11PM.” 

“Oh.” 

“Also, even if I was sleepy, I like watching you guys practice—I’ll just fall asleep watching you, your spikes are cool.” 

Oh. 

Sakusa looks away, watching Atsumu and Bokuto take the drinks from Hinata. Sakusa thinks to himself:

‘She’s just your pretty manager. All managers compliment their team.’

As he tells himself that, a small tint of pink appears on his cheeks. 

Oh?

stage 3: best friends 

Sakusa shivers, crossing his arms. He looks at the entrance of the library again, frowning when a wave of coldness strucks him again. Finally, Y/n exits the library, rushing up to Sakusa when she spots him. 

“Hi, Kiyoomi!” She exclaims. 

Sakusa scans her from head to toe then throws a bag at her. “Here’s your Subway order.” 

“Yay, thank you!” Y/n says, looking inside the bag. 

“Do you not have a jacket or something? It’s so cold.” 

“Nope- you got me a cookie too?!” Y/n smiles widely at the sight of food. “Kiyoomi, do you want to split this sandwich with me?” She looks up at Sakusa and her jaw basically drops as she sees him take off his hoodie, a small glimpse of his fit body flashing—even other students on campus stop to get a good look at him. 

He fixes his shirt and then shoves the hoodie towards her. “Here, wear this and don’t give it back until you properly get rid of all your germs.” 

“Wh-Why should I wear this?” 

“Because it’s fucking cold.” Sakusa replies, crossing his arms again. 

“Really? Cause it feels hot to me, like, really hot.” 

Sakusa glares at Y/n. “Just wear it, your germs are already on it now so I can’t take it back.” 

“Okay, fine. Hold this for me, you can have some of the sandwich, I don’t think I can finish it all.” 

Y/n hands Sakusa the bag of food and her backpack, Sakusa slinging the bag over his shoulder and splitting the sandwich in half. He takes a bite of his half, watching Y/n put on his hoodie. Before Sakusa takes another bite, he stops when Y/n fully puts on the hoodie. 

‘Holy shit.’

“Your hoodie is really big, Omi.” Y/n says, playing with the sleeves of his hoodie. He turns around and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and calming himself down. “Kiyoomi, can I have the sandwich?” 

He holds the Subway bag out from the side, not looking at her. Y/n takes the bag, unbothered by his sudden actions because Atsumu and Bokuto’s random actions have convinced her that nothing else can faze her. Too bad she missed out on seeing Sakusa’s flustered face. 

From now on, he actually lets Y/n wear his clothes despite the germs. 

stage 4: crush

“Yer leaving practice early, Omi?” Atsumu asks as he watches Sakusa pack up his things.

“Yeah, I’m gonna pick up Y/n from class.” Sakusa replies, tying his shoelaces. Atsumu smiles watching Sakusa. Sakusa glances at Atsumu then squints at him. “Why are you smiling at me?” 

“It’s nothing. You and Y/n are close, huh?” 

“Yeah, we’re friends.” Sakusa says as he walks out of the gym.

“Just friends.” Atsumu nods his head, following Sakusa.

Sakusa stops and looks at Atsumu. “What else would we be?” 

“I didn’t say anything about being something else with her—why? Do you want to be something else with her?” Atsumu teases, nudging Sakusa playfully. Sakusa simply scoffs and continues walking, Atsumu still following him. “Do you like Y/n, Omi?” 

“As a friend, yeah.” 

“Yer always picking her up from her classes, you totally have a crush on Y/n.” 

Sakusa sighs. “Fine, I won’t pick you up if a crowd of fangirls try to kidnap you at the mall again. You’re my friend, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah. Also, please pick me up again if that ever happens, that was a traumatizing experience for both me and Hinata.” 

“See, I’m just being a good friend by picking her up from class.” Sakusa says, ignoring Atsumu’s last comment—don’t worry, he will pick up Atsumu in case that happens again. Sakusa and Atsumu finally reach the car, Sakusa opening the car door of the driver seat. “Are you guys gonna take the bus home or should I pick you up?” 

“We’ll take the bus home. To give you more time for you and Y/n to get close.” 

Sakusa rolls his eyes, getting in the car and shutting the door in front of Atsumu. 

“See you, Omi-Omi!” Atsumu waves. 

Sakusa rolls down the window and says, “You’re so annoying.” 

Atsumu smiles and continues waving. “Have fun, be home by 10PM—unless yer planning on spending the night at Y/n’s place- OW!” Atsumu suddenly exclaims as Sakusa throws an empty water bottle at him. 

“Stop leaving a mess in the car. I’m gonna go now. Bye.” Sakusa rolls up the window then drives off, listening to the radio as he drives. As he waits at a redlight, he looks around and spots a boba cafe. He quickly checks his phone then pulls up to the cafe once the light turns green. 

“Which one does she like?” Sakusa mutters to himself under his mask, scanning the different choices of boba. He ends up getting one of the most favored flavors, returning back to the car and driving to Y/n’s campus. 

Sakusa patiently waits for Y/n outside her class, sitting on a nearby bench. It’s been about a month since he’s been picking up Y/n from her classes or the library so he’s gotten used to it—people always looking at him and wanting to talk to him. There’s a good amount of people on campus that actually know Sakusa as a player on the famous Black Jackals team and then there’s the other half that just want his number cause he’s good looking. 

Sakusa doesn’t even know why he always picks her up, it just became a habit whenever Y/n had class because Y/n would arrive late to their individual practices due to the busy bus or train so Sakusa picked her up instead. 

‘She’s just your manager. And friend. Close friend. It’s common to pick up your close manager-friend and buy her food.’ Sakusa thinks to himself, but he also thinks to himself...

‘Yeah but is it common to get flustered when you see your close manager-friend in your clothes?’ 

His face heats up just thinking about that again and he’s glad that he wore his mask today. 

Sakusa sighs and stands up when he sees the students exit the building, holding the drink he got for Y/n behind his back. He scans the faces of each student exiting the building, looking for Y/n. 

Y/n ends up being the one of the last ones exiting the building with her classmate, laughing at some joke her classmate made—but for some reason, the sudden slight breeze and the lighting from the sunset makes Sakusa’s heart flutter.

‘Was she always this pretty?’ 

Y/n’s classmate sees Sakusa waiting for Y/n so she says goodbye to Y/n, both waving farewell to each other. Y/n smiles at Sakusa, walking towards him. “Hi, Kiyoomi.” 

“Hey. How was class?” 

“Good. How was practice?” 

“Good. I got you this.” Sakusa says, giving Y/n the boba. 

Y/n gasps in excitement. “Woah, thank you! You didn’t have to get me this.” 

“It’s okay. I just got it on the way here.” Sakusa replies, watching Y/n drink the boba happily. Sakusa sighs again when he feels his face heat up again, making Y/n look at him. 

“Take off your mask, I want to see your face.” 

“I don’t want to.” 

“Why not? You’ve gone out before without wearing your mask.” 

Sakusa pulls his mask down, not completely taking it off. “There. Happy?” 

“Very.” Y/n smiles. “Want some boba?” 

Sakusa shakes his head.

“C’mon, I know you want some.” Y/n says, waving the drink in his face. 

“You’re gonna drop that and you put your mouth on the straw so.. no.” Sakusa backs up as Y/n tries to give him some.

She stops and says, “Alright, if you say so.” 

Y/n continues to drink the boba, commenting about how good it is and how she’s been craving it for a while, but Sakusa can’t seem to focus and listen to her. 

‘Is it common to find your close manager-friend really pretty? You’ve always thought she was pretty though, but…’

His eyes trail down to her lips. 

‘Is it common if you want to suddenly kiss her?’

stage 5: in love 

Sakusa drinks all his water in one gulp, wiping his sweat off with his towel. 

“That was a great spike earlier, Omi!” Hinata compliments Sakusa with starry eyes. 

“Thanks.” Sakusa replies. “You looked pretty cool when you scored the last point.” 

“Omi, why won’t you compliment me too?!” 

“You don’t deserve it.” Sakusa glares at Atsumu. 

“I’m the one who set the ball to Shoyo perfectly- wait... are you still mad at me?” Atsumu asks, a mischievous smirk appearing on his face. Sakusa throws his towel at Atsumu’s face, walking away. Atsumu follows Sakusa. “You are! That means it’s true!” 

“What’s true?” Hinata, who’s also following behind them, asks curiously. 

“It’s nothing, Hinata. Don’t listen to Atsumu, he’s being annoying again.” 

“Yer the one being annoying, just admit it, Omi!” Atsumu exclaims. 

“Lower your voice or else the paparazzi is gonna come up to us with cameras.” Sakusa says, eyeing the paparazzi and their flashing cameras. 

They just won a game and now they’re on their way back to the Black Jackals’ gym for a short meeting. 

“Yer only telling me to lower my voice so she won’t hear us.” Atsumu crosses his arms. 

“Miya Atsumu, I really want to kill you right now, please shut up.” Sakusa calmly says. He may look fine, but he actually wants to strangle Atsumu really bad right now. 

Hinata, witnessing the two argue, pulls Bokuto over to him. “Do something, Omi might actually kill Tsumu.” He whispers to Bokuto, scared if one of them hears him, he’ll end up getting strangled too. 

Bokuto nods his head and walks in between Atsumu and Sakusa, putting his hands on their shoulders. “Hey, what are you guys bickering about now? We just won a game and you two are fighting—we should be celebrating.” 

Sakusa and Atsumu look at each other then say at the same time: 

“He’s being annoying.” 

Sakusa scoffs and Atsumu starts yelling out again. 

“How am I being annoying?! Yer the one who’s being stubborn and won’t admit it!” 

“You’re making me admit something that’s not true!” 

“But it is true! You won’t admit it!” 

They start arguing again, Bokuto keeping them apart so they won’t kill each other. Even when they reach the bus, the two won’t stop going back and forth. 

“Time to get on the bus!” Their coach says, the team getting on the bus one by one. 

“Yer so stubborn, Omi!” Atsumu stomps his feet on the ground.

“Look who’s talking.” Sakusa hisses at Atsumu. 

“Hey, you guys did great today.” 

Sakusa and Atsumu immediately stop and look at Y/n. Sakusa nods his head and gets on the bus, not saying anything. 

“Thanks, Y/n.” Atsumu smiles and quickly gets on the bus, following Sakusa. Atsumu sits next to Sakusa, Sakusa on the verge of choking Atsumu to death. Bokuto and Hinata look at each other, sitting in front of them, but always checking behind to see if they’re still alive. “Yer in denial.” 

“Okay, what are you guys arguing about, maybe we can find a solution.” Bokuto butts in, nudging Hinata. He whispers, “Keep an eye on Omi.” 

Hinata slowly looks at Sakusa and it gives him flashbacks to when he served the volleyball at Kageyama’s head. “Omi looks really scary right now.” Hinata whispers. 

Atsumu stands up, looking for Y/n. Once he makes sure Y/n is seated far away from them, he sits back down. “Omi won’t admit that he’s in love with Y/n.” 

Sakusa sinks in his seat, putting on his mask to hide his face that’s slowly turning pink. “You’re so annoying.” 

“Yer practically melting, Omi.” 

“Um, why do you want Omi to admit that, Atsumu-” Hinata starts saying. 

“Yeah, exactly, Atsumu-“ 

“It’s so obvious.” Hinata finishes. They all turn to Hinata. “What? It is obvious.” 

Atsumu bursts out in laughter. “HAHA, SEE IT’S TRUE!” 

“I’m not in love.” Sakusa pouts, crossing his arms. 

“THIS IS TOO FUNNY HAHA, YOU’RE REALLY IN L-“ 

“Atsumu, you should go to sleep before I put you to sleep.” 

“Oh okay.” 

Sakusa groans, burying his face in his hands. “You guys are over exaggerating, there’s no way I’m in love.” 

“Omi, there’s no point in denying it anymore.” 

“We should go out to drink.” Bokuto suddenly says. 

Atsumu nods his head. “That’s a great idea, Bokuto—drink to celebrate our win! Everyone should drink, even you Hinata!” 

“I’m not a high schooler still, I’ve always been able to drink.” 

“Yeah, we should also invite Y/n- wait Hinata, have you been drinking without our permission?” 

“You shouldn’t drink a lot, Hinata—you’re very young still.” Bokuto agrees with Atsumu. 

“Are you guys trying to get me drunk?” Sakusa raises his eyebrows.

“What? No way.” Atsumu sarcastically replies. 

“You’re not gonna get me drunk.” 

“Challenge accepted. Should we go to a club?” 

“No, there’s gonna be a lot of people.” 

“We can get a VIP room.” 

“Fine.” 

Atsumu and Bokuto look at each other excitedly. “Omi is going to the club with us.” They say in a singsong voice. 

“Should I text Y/n and invite her?” Hinata asks. 

“Do it.” Atsumu says. “Make sure to look good for Y/n, Omi.” 

“This is gonna be so annoying.” Sakusa groans. 

Atsumu smirks as they enter the club and make their way towards their reserved room. “You look good, Omi. What are you planning tonight?” 

“I’m not planning anything and I always look good.” Sakusa jokes. 

Atsumu glances at Y/n, who is talking with Hinata and Bokuto. “Doesn’t she look pretty?”

Sakusa takes a look at Y/n, scanning her up and down. He sighs and just continues walking.

“You just did that sigh, a sigh of love, ya know?” 

“No, I don’t know.” 

“You did those dreamy sighs people do when they see someone attractive, ya know?” 

“You’re gonna give me a headache.” 

Atsumu ignores Sakusa and walks into the VIP room first. “What should we drink first, Omi?” 

“Water.” 

“OMI! YOU SAID YOU WOULD DRINK!” 

“I said you’re not gonna get me drunk.” 

“Yer challenging me, Omi. It’s the same thing.” 

“You guys should drink, you did win today’s game after all. Isn’t that why we’re here? Drinking to celebrate?” Y/n says, everyone turning to her. 

They all look at each other at the same time, wondering who’s going to respond first. Finally Bokuto says, “Yeah, we’ll all drink to celebrate our win—why else are we here to drink?” He smiles and sneakily glances at Sakusa. 

Bokuto starts pouring the drinks in a glass, everyone sitting around him and watching him. He looks at Y/n. “Do you want one, Y/n?” 

“I’ll just have one.” 

Atsumu and Sakusa make eye contact, Atsumu grinning at him. “Fun.” 

“You guys seem to be… energetic today.” Y/n says to them as she takes the shot from Bokuto. 

“You guys didn’t even take a nap on the bus today.” 

“Wait.. did you hear us?” Sakusa asks, a bit horrified. 

“Not really, I just heard you guys bickering and laughing, but I couldn’t understand what you guys were saying from the front of the bus.” 

Bokuto hands out the last shot to Sakusa and exclaims, “Alright, we all have our drinks now—let’s drink!” 

“Cheers!” Everyone exclaims, clinking their glasses together and drinking the shot in one gulp. 

“That’s strong.” Y/n comments, setting her glass on the table. 

“Perfect.” Atsumu smiles. “Wanna do another one, Omi? Or is it too strong for you?” 

Sakusa sighs and pours another shot for himself, already drinking it. When he finishes, he looks at Atsumu and replies, “It’s good. Is it too strong for you, Atsumu? Should I get you a glass of water?” 

Atsumu’s smile stays put, grabbing the bottle and pouring one for himself too. “It’s fine.” He also pours more in Sakusa’s cup, Sakusa not saying anything about it. “Let’s get drunk, Omi.” 

An hour later, Hinata is drunk and the others remain sober or tipsy. 

“Ah, we shouldn’t have made Hinata drink.” Y/n says, watching Hinata throw the couch’s pillows at Bokuto and Sakusa. Bokuto and Sakusa catch the pillows and try to make Hinata lay down. 

“Do you think he’ll fall asleep if he lays down?” 

“Maybe. Is there a nearby hotel or something?” 

Y/n searches online for a nearby hotel and finds one. “There’s one close by here, we can spend the night there.” 

“Really? Can I see?” Bokuto asks. Y/n hands Bokuto her phone, Bokuto reading the reviews about the hotel. “Alright. I’ll book some rooms for the night—are you guys gonna drink still?” 

Atsumu looks at Y/n then at Sakusa. He stands up and walks over to Y/n to sit next to her. “Y/n is gonna spend the night at a hotel with us?” Atsumu inches his face closer and closer to hers. “That would be fun, wouldn’t it?” 

“Atsumu.” Y/n says.

“Hm?” 

“Back off.” 

“‘Kay.” Atsumu grins. “You’re not blushing even the slightest, Y/n—are you not interested in me? Is there someone else you’re interested in?” 

Y/n sighs and stands up. “That’s none of your business, Atsumu—and you’re definitely tipsy, let’s go.” 

After stopping by the convenience store for some necessities, they arrive at the hotel and make their way to their rooms. Two rooms with two beds and one room with one, for Y/n. 

“Kiyoomi, my room is just over there, you don’t have to walk with me.” Y/n says, giggling. 

He blushes. “Who knows? Someone might kidnap you while you’re trying to get in your room.” Y/n smiles and they just walk together in silence until they get to Y/n’s room. “Y/n. We’re friends, right?” 

She looks at Sakusa. “Of course. Why?” 

“Well…” Sakusa looks down and says shyly, “Earlier, Atsumu was asking you if you were interested in someone and you said it wasn’t his business and I’m curious… is there someone you like?” 

Y/n stares at Sakusa. “I do like someone. You shouldn’t worry about them though.” 

Sakusa nods his head. “Okay.” 

They stand there in silence for a little bit, Y/n turning around to open the door to her hotel room, but she stops. She looks at Sakusa again and puts her arms around his neck, making Sakusa look at her in surprise—his face heating up, of course. 

“Omi. Will you spend the night with me?” 

“Wha-What?” Sakusa replies. His face is so red right now. “You only have one bed in your room, Y/n..” 

“That won’t be a problem..” Y/n says as she brings her face closer to his. “Right?” 

Sakusa stares at Y/n, moving small strands of her hair from her face with one hand and smoothly taking the key to the room with the other hand. He looks past her and unlocks the door—smiling when he softly pushes her into the room, the door closing slowly behind them. 

If anyone were to walk past their room and look inside, your face would surely heat up seeing how hot it is between the two—even if they’re only just kissing. 

***

“Y/N OPEN THE DOOR, OMI IS MISSING I THINK HE GOT KIDNAPPED!” 

Y/n groans at the nonstop yelling and knocking from Atsumu at 7AM in the morning. She buries her face in Sakusa’s neck then gets up to answer the door. 

“Y/n! Finally you answered, Omi wasn’t in my room when I woke up and his bed is completely untouched. I think he got kidnapped last night.” 

Y/n stares at Atsumu. “Tsumu. Are you drunk still?” 

“What? No, I’m being serious.” Atsumu replies. 

It’s sad that he’s actually being serious. 

Y/n sighs, stepping aside to let Atsumu in. “If you don’t find Kiyoomi by the time I’m out of the bathroom, I’m kicking you out.” 

“How can I find him from your hotel room? Do you want me to look out the window?” 

“Sure. Give it a try.” 

Atsumu walks into the room and looks outside the window. “We’re on the 15th floor, how am I supposed to find him from here..” He says to himself. Atsumu sighs and turns around. “Y/n, there’s no hope, I think Omi’s dead now- HOLY SHIT.” 

Atsumu freezes when he sees Sakusa sitting on the bed, staring right at him. He slowly and carefully walks over to Sakusa, eyeing him up and down. “You’re clothed.” 

“Yeah. I’m clothed.” Sakusa says. 

“Did you guys not do it?” Atsumu asks, looking back and forth at Sakusa and Y/n, who is returning from the bathroom. 

“No.” 

“Not yet.” Sakusa smirks at Y/n. She hits him with a pillow and continues fixing the bed, blushing. Sakusa gets out of bed and throws the pillow at Atsumu. “Get out.” 

“Why, so you can make out with Y/n?” 

“Sure. I’m fine with that.” Sakusa simply replies.

“Man, it was funnier when you were all flustered and shy about Y/n—now you’re like this.” Atsumu complains. 

“Then get out.” Sakusa starts pushing Atsumu out of the room. “You wanted this, didn’t you?” 

“Yeah, I guess. Hey, Y/n, did he tell you that he loves you?” 

“No. Not yet.” Y/n says, walking up to them. She hugs Sakusa and says to Atsumu, “Out.” 

“Alright, Alright, I’ll leave.” Atsumu laughs, leaving the room. “If you guys are gonna do it, make it quick. I wanna go home and play games.” 

“Shut up, Atsumu.” Sakusa pushes Atsumu out and shuts the door. 

“Kiyoomi, is it true?” 

He looks at Y/n. “What’s true?” 

“That you love me.” She smiles when she sees Sakusa become flustered. “Omi loves me?” 

“St-Stop it.” He puts his hand on the back of her head and buries her face in his shoulder. He softly kisses the side of her head, closing his eyes. 

‘I’ll say it.’ 

“I love you, is that what you want to hear?” 

A smile slowly creeps up her face and she looks up at Sakusa. She nods her head and kisses Sakusa. “I want to hear that everyday.” 

“Alright.” Sakusa says. He repeatedly kisses Y/n’s neck, giving her butterflies. “I wanna hear you say it too.” 

“When? Right now?” 

Sakusa smirks and starts biting at one spot of her neck. “In bed.”

“Omi!” Y/n pinches Sakusa, making him look at her again. 

He pecks her cheek. “Love you. Should we go now?” 

“You said it again.” 

“I did. Don’t get used to it, thats probably the last time I’ll say it…. for today.” 

“Awh, you’re so sweet, Omi.” 

“Okay, whatever, let’s go before Atsumu gets whiny again.” Sakusa says, checking around the room to see if they left anything. “Alright, I think we got everything. Let’s go.” 

They leave the room and meet up with the others in the lobby. 

“Guys, guess what, Omi and Y/n are a thing now.” Atsumu says as soon as he sees the couple. “Did you guys do it?” 

“No, Atsumu. Stop asking that or I’ll kill you.” 

“Do what?” Hinata asks. 

“Nothing, Hinata. You’re too innocent.” 

“Hey! I got drunk last night, I’m not so innocent anymore!” 

“I don’t know if that’s supposed to be a good thing or not.” Bokuto scratches the back of his head. 

“Last night you were throwing pillows everywhere, Hinata.” Y/n laughs. 

“I was?” 

“Yeah you kept throwing it at me!” Bokuto exclaims. 

Atsumu quietly stands next to Sakusa and nudges him. “So..” Sakusa looks at Atsumu. “Are you gonna admit it?” 

Sakusa slowly shifts his gaze over to Y/n, watching her laugh as Bokuto and Hinata discuss last night’s events. 

“Are you in love with her, Omi?” Atsumu asks one last time and that’s the last time because…

“Yeah. I admit it. I’m in love.” 

bonus! stage 6: lovers

Y/n tugs Sakusa’s shirt. “This shirt looks good on you, is it new?” 

Sakusa nods his head, stirring his cup of coffee. 

“Can I try it on?” 

Sakusa stops and looks at Y/n. “You want to try it on?” 

“Yeah. To see how it looks, I bet it’s gonna be really big on me.” 

“What am I supposed to wear?” 

“Just wear your jacket, I’ll be quick.” Y/n says, attempting to take his shirt off. Sakusa sighs and takes off his shirt, handing it to Y/n. Y/n runs her hands from his abs to his chest. “You’re so fit, Omi.” 

“Babe.” Sakusa says in a warning tone.

“Okay, fine. I’ll go change. Be right back.” Y/n giggles then walks away to the bathroom to change. 

Sakusa puts on his jacket, zipping it up, and returning to his cup of coffee. He stares down at his coffee becoming bored as he waits for Y/n. 

“Omi, this is really big on me.” 

Sakusa shifts his gaze from the coffee to his girlfriend. 

‘Fuck. Wearing my hoodie is fine, but my shirt and only my shirt?’

Y/n teases, “It looks better on me than you.” 

Sakusa places his coffee on the table and walks towards Y/n. He lifts Y/n up, Y/n wrapping her legs around his waist. “What are you doing, Omi?” 

“Just wait, baby.” Sakusa replies. He sets her on the bed and says, “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” 

Y/n watches Sakusa leave her bedroom, completely clueless. She looks down at the shirt. “Maybe he doesn’t like it?” When Sakusa returns, she asks him. “Do you want your shirt back?” 

Y/n watches Sakusa close the door and get on top of the bed with her. “Kiyoomi, I asked if you…” 

She trails off when she notices what Sakusa’s holding in his hand. He unzips his jacket, throwing it aside and kisses Y/n—pushing her back so she’s laying on the bed. 

“Let’s have some fun, hm baby?” Sakusa says, holding up the condom. 

end. 4,949 words.

masterlist

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Thirteen

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

(Fluff and smut in this one. Would love to know how you are still liking the story!)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve

Masterpost

Over the next couple of weeks, you and Harry took turns staying over at each other’s places more often. You both agreed it was easier for him to stay over on school nights because you needed more things to get ready for work in the morning. So you would stay at his place more on the weekends. You were tired most mornings with him there, but it was a good tired. Your mood at work was overwhelmingly positive, and many people noticed. You couldn’t help it, essentially being given an orgasm every other night of the week did wonders for you. Between the way he would rub you, or go down on you, you were perfectly content with where things were with Harry. He was happy to be given head or a hand job as well.

Harry desperately wanted to be able to touch more of you, to feel more of you, but he knew he would get there with you eventually, and there was really no rush. The awful run in with Jake was slowly slipping from your memory. You truly were feeling like your old self.

Wednesday morning, Niall popped into your office. You were standing at your desk, editing away at a clip a client had sent in. You see Niall and take your headphones out.

“Hey.” He says with a smile.

“Sup?” You’re clearly busy, but don’t want to be rude.

“Are you doin’ anything for Halloween?” Halloween was next weekend, and you hadn’t thought twice about it. You used to love Halloween when you were in college, but not it was less fun when you didn’t have a full weekend of dressing up and binge drinking.

“I don’t think so, why?”

“I’m gonna have a party at my place, just decided last night.”

“Oh fun! Your place really is perfect for a party.”

“I’d like to do some type of costume contest.”

“Hmm, like a couple’s costume contest?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

“Not necessarily, I just think having a contest of some kind will get more people to want to dress up.”

“Definitely, this is gonna be so much fun! I’ll have to think of some costume ideas.”

“You and Harry should be Tarzan and Jane.” He starts laughing.

“He would never go for that, but something tells me he’ll be open to some interesting ideas.”

That night when you get home from work, you walk into the delicious smell of a home cooked dinner. Harry has his apron on, and is frying up some tofu and veggies. You walk over to him, and wrap your arms around him.

“Dinner’s almost ready love.”

“Wednesday’s are my favorite. Rest day from the gym, you get off work early, and you cook for me.” You kiss him on the cheek, and hang up your jacket. “What are we having?” You ask, sitting at the table.

“Garlic and ginger tofu stirfry.” He says placing a plate in front of you.

“Oh yum! Thank you sweetie.”

“Don’t mention it.” He smiles at you. You both dig in and you can’t help the moan that comes from your mouth. “Good, huh?” He chuckles.

“Mm, very good. God, you are such a good cook.”

“So are you.”

“But you’re better. So...”

“So...”

“Niall told me he’s having a Halloween party next weekend.”

“Yeah, he texted me last night. What should we go as?”

“Yay, so you’re into it?”

“Of course, I love Halloween parties. It’s fun to take pictures of people dressed in what they wish they could wear all the time.”

“Good point. Any ideas for costumes? I want to be creative, but it’s kind of last minute so I don’t know how much time we’ll have to make something.”

“Hmmm, what about like eighties punk rockers. We could wear leather pants and black eyeliner.”

“Are you going to wear a wig?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because eighties rockers had long hair.”

“Not all of ‘em. I won’t wear a wig, but I’d wear everything else.”

“You just want to see my butt in a tight pair of pants.”

“Not true! Although, you would look incredibly sexy.” You swat a hand at him while you shovel more food into your mouth.

“Oh! What if you were like Charlie Brown and I was Peppermint Patty?”

“Isn’t she a lesbian? Wouldn’t really work for a couple’s costume.” He laughs.

“Are we really going to discuss whether or not a comic strip character is a lesbian? And who cares if she is, they’re still good friends, it would be cute.”

“You could be snoopy?”

“How could I possibly dress up as snoopy?” Harry starts to blush.

“Well, you could wear like a white dress, and paint your nose black. You could buy the dog ears, and um, a collar.” He looks down at his food.

“You want me to wear a dog collar?”

“It would be part of the costume.”

“I do have a black choker I could wear…does he wear a black collar or a red collar?”

“I can’t remember, we can look it up.”

“I think I have one in both colors. You know what, this could work, and I think I have a white jumpsuit I could wear. I could wear my white heels, the choker, and you’re right just paint a nose on and buy the ears. You must have black shorts, we could buy a yellow polo and paint a black zig zag on it.”

“This’ll be fun.” Harry loves when you say the word we. It was a word he used to be scared of, but it sounds so good coming from your lips.

That weekend you two go to WalMart to pick out the extra components of your costumes. You buy some black fabric paint, and slip a piece of cardboard inside the shirt. Harry lays down some newspaper for you on his kitchen floor, and watches you intently while you paint the zig zag on the front and back of the yellow shirt.

“Okay, now don’t touch this, and just let it dry, I don’t want it getting smudged.” You hand it to him, and he places it on his desk to lean against the wall.

“Do you like to paint?”

“I do, actually. My Nannie used to paint when she was younger, I actually have some of her art hanging in my apartment.”

“Maybe we could go to one of those like, wine and paint nights at a bar sometime.”

“You’d be into something like that?”

“Sure, Niall and I have actually done it together a couple of times, it’s pretty relaxing.” You burst out laughing.

“You two have the weirdest friendship.” You say wiping tears from his eyes.

“Oi, what’s the difference between two men having a boys night and two girls having a girls night?”

“I suppose not much, it’s just funny to picture you both getting wine drunk and painting. But from your original point, I think it would be a lot of fun if we did that sometime.”

//

You had your period this week, so you couldn’t wait for Halloween to roll around because you knew you’d be done by then. You took out your white jumpsuit. It was cute, low cut with spaghetti straps. You bought it because it had pockets and because it was boot cut. The ones that flared out too much made your legs look weird. You slipped it on, and twirled in your mirror. It really made your butt look great. You left your hair down and straight, and stuck your dog ears on. Then you took out your black choker and your red choker, still not being able to decide which one would make more sense. You didn’t want to look like Brian Griffin, so you went with the black choker. You paint a black nose onto yourself. You slipped your white pumps on, and waited for Harry.

Harry strolled into your place around eight-thirty. He had a pair of black converse on, paired with black shorts, and the yellow shirt you had made for him. His jaw nearly hits the floor when he sees you.

“I didn’t know snoopy could be so sexy.” He says walking over to you. “Is, um, aunt flow still in town?”

“No, she left yesterday.” You giggle. “I didn’t know you owned sneakers like that.”

“I had to really dig them out of my closet. I tried to make the outfit work with my boots, but it just wasn’t happening.” You notice his nails were now black and yellow.

“Can I just say I love that you color coordinated your nails?” You hold his hand looking over the colors.

“Hey, when I commit to something, I commit.” You give him a funny look. “Right, shall we head over?”

“Yup, let me just grab my bag. We’ll go back to your place after, yeah?”

“Works for me.” He smiles, and takes your bag down to the car, checking out your ass in your jumpsuit. “That really is a sexy outfit, (y/n).” You feel your cheeks heat up when he places a hand on your thigh as he drives to Niall’s.

“Thank you, Harry.” You give his hand a little squeeze.

When you get up to Niall’s, the place was already packed. You spot him right away. He had a white t-shirt on that said ‘chill’ on it and you immediately rolled your eyes. You spot Sarah who is wearing a tight red dress that she pinned the word Netflix to. Niall comes over to the greet you, and to take the bottle of wine you brought.

“Glad you guys could make it.” He looks you both up and down. “Charlie Brown and Snoopy? Damn, why didn’t I think of that?”

“Because you are unoriginal, mate.” Harry grabs your hand and brings you over to the drink cart to make the two of you drinks. You wave to Sarah who gives you a thumbs up.

You just realized you had never been to a big party with Harry before. Well, you both had been at Niall’s holiday party last year, but you weren’t there together. Nor did the two of your even speak. You remember him slightly talking to a group of girls who were probably all waiting the clock out to see who he would take home with him.

Rachel was there with a girl, who you recognized as the girl she took home from the bar over a month ago. You make eye contact with her, and you both wink at each other. You were so happy your friend groups were merging.

“Oi! It’s the lad himself!” You hear a man with a thicker British accent yell to Harry. Harry whips his head around, and you swear you had never seen him smile quite so big. The man was wearing all yellow and had a picture of Heinz Mustard on his belly. Ketchup probably not too far away.

“Lou!” Harry yells back, and the two practically run into each other’s arms. “What the fuck are ya doin’ here?”

“I drove in for the party, that alright with ya?” The two hug for another second, before Harry turns back to introduce you.

“Babe, this is my mate Louis. Louis, this is my girlfriend, (y/n).” You hold your hand out to shake, and he takes it kindly.

“Nice to meet ya.”

“Same to you. So, did you go to college with Harry and Niall?”

“Yeah we spent some time at uni together. It’s so funny, ya live in the same country with a guy, only a couple of hours away your whole life, and it takes goin’ ‘cross the pond at some random school to meet.”

“And you also decided to stay in the states?”

“Yeah, well the girl I was with at the time convinced me to stay here with her. We broke up eventually, but by that time I had already gone through the process of dual citizenship.”

“Oh I see.”

“Mate, El is here with me tonight, I’m sure she’d love to see ya, let me go grab her.” You see Harry roll his eyes after Louis leaves.

“I fucking hate his girlfriend, her name is Eleanor.”

“Oh, why do you hate her?” You put a hand on his arm to soothe him.

“She just rubs me the wrong way. She hated how close Lou and I were, that’s why he lives like two hours away, because the three of us would hang out all the time. The three of us lived together for a while, and she yanked him right out.” Louis walks over with Eleanor, and yup, she’s ketchup.

“Hi Harry.” She says with what you assume is a fake smile, because he’s giving her one as well. They give each other a small hug.

“Hey El, this is my girlfriend, (y/n).”

“Hi, love, nice to meet ya.” Why were there so many British people in this area? How did they find each other? “Girlfriend! Well, it’s ‘bout damn time, H.” You look up at him and scrunch your nose. You had never heard anyone refer to him like that. 

“Was just waitin’ for the right girl.” He hooks an arm around your waist, and you feel peaceful.

“Harry, come do shots with me like old times. I know Niall has that good tequila.”

“Deal.” The boys go into the kitchen to find shot glasses, leaving you with Eleanor.

“Did ya ever watch Boy Meets World growin’ up?” You make a face at the odd question, but laugh.

“Um, yeah, I loved that show.”

“Right, well, what you’re lookin’ at”, she points to the boys who are clinking two shot glasses together. You already know you’re going to have to uber back to Harry’s later. “is a the real life Cory and Shawn.”

“Which one of us is Topanga?” You giggle.

“Me, of course. I was always the third wheel with them. I met Louis in grad school, and you would think that two boys wouldn’t act like such children around each other.” You didn’t think Harry was close with someone other that Niall. “Jesus, and when the three of them would get together.” She rolls her eyes.

“They seem to really miss each other. It’s good for guys to have friends.”

“Oh I agree, I don’t mind Niall. Harry just never really warmed up to me, and would make things difficult for Lou and I. I know he blames me for why Lou lives so far away, but I got a really good job offer and he wanted to come with me.”

“I get it. My best friend lives outside the city, and it’s hard enough to get together with her only an hour away.” Yes, you still considered Kate to be your best friend, even if you still weren’t talking to her. “It’s a two way street, both people have to make the effort.”

“We invite Harry to visit all the time, but he always say no. I think he would feel like the third wheel, not that that’s possible. Maybe now that he has you, you could convince him to come out for a weekend here and there. We can’t stay with him here because he doesn’t have space for us. And hotels can be so expensive.”

“Sure, I could definitely put a bug in his ear.” You hadn’t been away with Harry yet, you didn’t really want your first weekend away to be with another couple, but you would see how things go.

“Thanks, Jesus, look at them.” You see them laughing as they take another shot. “That’s their third shot you know? We officially no longer exist at this party.” Before you can say anything, Sarah comes up to you with a shot glass for yourself.

“Here, Harry asked me to do one with you.” You take the cold glass from her and tip your head back.

“I love tequila, I’m gonna get more. Eleanor come on, come do a shot.” She sighs, but follows you into the kitchen.

You grab a lime and some salt. You cut up the lime into small sections.

“What are you doin’?” Harry slurs. Wait, Harry is drunk? He never gets drunk.

“I’m gonna do some shooters.”

“Shooters?” He mimics your American accent.

“Yup, give me your hand.” You lick a small spot on the top of his hand, his eyes growing wide at the PDA, and shake some salt on it. You do the same to your own hand. “Okay, so, how it goes is, you lick the salt, take the shot, and suck on the lime.”

Eleanor and Louis do as you did, and you all lick the salt at the same time. You take your shot, and grab the lime immediately to suck on. Harry can’t help but watch as your teeth sink into the fruit and suck the juice. You take it out of your mouth and look at them.

“See, way more fun way to take a shot.”

You start to feel a bit tipsy, and suddenly the music is calling you. You walk away without saying anything to find Sarah and Rachel. The three of you form a little group so you can dance. Niall really did have the perfect layout for a party. There was room to sit or stand around to just chat, and he had the room for dancing. Whatever playlist was on was hitting just right. Some oldies and newer hits was the perfect combination.

Eleanor leaves to use the bathroom, and Niall goes to stand with Louis and Harry, as the boys watch the girls dance.

“I gotta say Harry, she sure knows how to move it.” Louis says.

“Yeah, she sure does. I would have loved to know her in uni, apparently she was quite the party animal.”

“The three of them were.” Niall says, taking a sip of his drink. “Sarah has told me some wild stories. (y/n) apparently is one of the most fun people to party with.”

You move along effortlessly to the beat of the song. You and your friends are laughing and singing along loudly to the music, but no one can really hear you. A lot of other people start dancing, it might as well be a club in here.

“Lou?” Eleanor says after coming back from the bathroom.

“Yeah, love?”

“Come dance with me?”

“You bet, see ya guys out there.” Harry rolls his eyes as Eleanor drags him away.

“Why didn’t you tell me he was comin’?” Harry looks at Niall with a pout.

“Thought he was goin’ to flake. He’ll be around all weekend, don’t worry you two can have some alone time, I’ll make sure of it. Just try to pretend to be happy for him.”

“I am happy for him, I just wish he found any other girl to make him happy.” Niall starts to walk away. “Where you goin’?”

“My girl is out there shakin’ her ass, so you better believe I’m gonna go dance with her, and you should do the same, plenty of guys are watchin’ her.” He points over at you, and it was true. Plenty of people were watching you.

A drunk Harry stumbles over to you, and wraps his arms around your waist, pressing himself against your backside. He starts dancing with you, like really dancing with you. He wasn’t the embarrassed man who referred to himself as a giraffe the first time you went dancing with him. You wondered if this was what he was like in college, if he would grind with girls to show them what he had, and bring them home with him. You shake the thought from your head, and move against him in perfect rhythm. He turns your around to face him, his hands slipping down to your butt. You wrap your arms around his neck, and dance on him. He’s dying to know your college stories. You seem like such a good girl, but maybe not, and he wanted to hear all about it.

In a bold move, almost forgetting where you were, you grab hold of his collar, and yank his face down to yours, kissing him. He puts his hands on your face, and pulls you in for a deeper kiss, while your hands go on his hips. Your tongue is instantly in his mouth, and he tastes like tequila. He was so incredibly sexy, and you were extremely turned on. You hadn’t been able to do anything all week with your period in the way. You still pleasured him because you wanted to, but you missed his touch.

“Jesus, look at ‘em go.” Louis nudges Niall, taking a break from the dancing.

“You know, I’ve only ever seen them kiss in public once, and it was nothin’ like that.”

“He’s really into her, huh?”

“He asked her to be his girlfriend three weeks in.”

“Wow, yup, he’s got it bad. Wonder what it is?”

“She’s just…a good person. Instant connection.”

“Good for the lad, he deserves a good woman.”

Harry breaks your kiss, as he remembered where you are. If you were anyone else, he would take you and lead you to the bathroom, press you against the wall, and take you from behind. But he couldn’t do that with you, not yet anyways.  He leaves you to dance with your friends, and you catch him dancing with Louis and Niall. You can’t help but take your phone out and take a quick video of the occasion. You and your friends take selfies and videos of yourselves. You’re still in awe of Harry, having more fun that you had ever seen him have. Louis brought out an exceptional mood in him. It was funny to see the three of them sing along to the same song, wondering what Harry’s singing voice might sound like.

The party slowly dissipated, but not before you and Harry were deemed best costumes. You didn’t win anything, but the bragging rights were nice. You offered to help clean up, but Sarah told you she would help Niall. Harry was in deep conversation with Louis while you went to grab your coats. They were looking at Louis’ phone and snickering like children. You smile and hand Harry his coat.

“Lou, I’m gonna go get settled in the guest room, night Harry.” Eleanor said.

“You’re stayin’ here?”

“Yeah, hotel was too expensive. What are you up to tomorrow, was hoping to just have lunch with the lads.”

“I can definitely do that.” Harry turns to you. “You don’t mind right?”

“Not at all, babe.”

“Just text me tomorrow, mate.” The two hug, and Harry hooks an arm around your waist. “Oi, Niall!” Harry yells.

“What?” He yells from the kitchen.

“Great party mate, I’ll be by tomorrow.”

The cold air on the street slaps the two of you in the face.  You take your phone out to order an uber as Harry holds you from behind, humming into your hair. You had never seen him quite so drunk before. Usually you were the one that was drunk while he was perfectly fine. You were still buzzed, but you were nowhere near where he was. You lost count of how many shots he had actually taken. You just knew he consumed a lot of tequila.

The uber pulls up pretty quickly, and you both climb in. You keep an arm around Harry, and he rests his head against your shoulder, still humming some song you can’t quite make out. You key into his apartment, and immediately take your shoes off. He watches you walk into the bathroom. You really needed to pee, and you needed to wash off that black make up on your nose. You take your dog ears off, but leave everything else on. He’s by the sink drinking some water when you return.

“Didja have fun tonight baby?” He asks you, guzzling down the water.

“Yes, babe, don’t drink that so fast, it’ll upset your stomach.”

“Aw, are ya gonna take care of me tonight?” He says in the sweetest voice. “Treat me like your l’il baby?”

“Do you want to be treated like a baby?” You raise an eyebrow at his funny words.

“Not particularly.” He slurs. “Did you know that I love babies?”

“Yes, you’ve told me before, remember? You like shooting maternity photos for people.”

“You know, I really do.”

“I’m glad you had fun tonight. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh so much.”

“S’not true.” He pouts. “You make me laugh all the time.”

“It’s okay, Harry. I have fun with my friends when we haven’t seen each other in a while too. You and Louis looked like you were having a great time.”

“We were, he’s really my best mate. Niall is too, the three of us are like the three amigos.”

“So I saw. It was funny watching you three dance together.”

“It was just like being in uni again. Everyone always wanted to come to our parties, we threw the best parties (y/n).”

“I believe it.”

“Are you mad?”

“What? No, of course not, why would I be?”

“Because I drank a lot more than I should have. I was supposed to get ya home.”

“But you did, the uber was just fine.”

“Let’s go sit on the couch, yeah?” He grabs you by the wrist and pulls you towards the couch. Before you can sit down he looks you up down. “Where’d ya nose go?”

“Washed it off.” You shrugged.

“This is such a sexy outfit, have I told ya that yet tonight?”

“Maybe once or twice.” You giggle. “But it’s always nice to hear.” He pulls you close to him, and pats your bum.

“You have the best ass I have ever seen, have I ever told you that?” You feel your cheeks flush. He was starting to get fresh. You slip your hands to his butt to mimic what he’s doing to you.

“I could say the same about you.” Giving one of his cheeks a little pinch, he jumps back a half inch.

“Oi, if you do that again, we’re going to have a problem.”

“Oh really?”

You start pinching at him again, and he starts to tickle you, making a ghastly laugh come from you. You slap your hand over your mouth, but he pulls it away. You try to tickle him back, and you end up chasing him around his little apartment. He picks you up from behind, swinging you around, making you squeal. He puts you down on the bed, he hops over you and lays on his back, he looks at you and taps his legs. You get the idea and crawl on top of him, straddling his legs.

“I’d like this to come off ya now.” He slips your straps off your shoulders. “If that’s alright with you.”

You lean up, and put your arms through the straps. You push the material down only a little, causing Harry to pout for the millionth time tonight.

“I’m not wearing a bra with this.”

“I know.”

“I like when you take your time with me.”

Harry sits up against the headboard so you can sit on him easier. He brings his mouth to your jaw, and kisses down your neck. He sinks his teeth in where he always does. The skin must be raw there with how often he kisses you in that spot. He licks over it to soothe you, and kisses down your chest. His hands move up to your breasts, and kneads them through the material. He looks up at you for approval, and you nod yes. One hand moves to the back of the jumpsuit, and un zips the small zipper so he can easily tug the material down. Your breasts pop out, and he looks like a kid in candy store. Sloppy wet kisses cover your chest instantly. He sucks on your left breast, and you groan with your head rolling back. He take the piercing between his teeth and he twists it. You roll your hips on him involuntarily.

“You like that?” He coos. You nod your head. “Use your words baby.”

“Yes, I like that.” You say through your teeth, as he continues to suck on your tender nipple. Your hands go straight into his hair and rake over his scalp, causing him to moan while he sucks on you.

“I gotta get his off of ya, please will you let me?”

“Yes, but you have to take yours off too.”

You hope off the bed, and he does the same. You take his shirt off him, and push his shorts down his legs, careful to leave his boxers on. Your jumpsuit falls off, pooling at your feet, and revealing a white lace thong. Harry furrows his eyebrows.

“You, you were wearing this all night?”

“Um, yeah?”

He takes you, and gently bends you over the bed. You rubs a hand over your ass. You half expect him to spank you, but he knows better, he knows you don’t want that. A finger dips into the material, and he plays with it for a moment.

“Your ass looks amazing right now.” You start giggling. “What?”

“I can’t tell if you’re an ass man or a tit man. You seem to really like both.” You say looking back at him.

“If it’s a part of your body, then I like it.” He puts both hands on your ass and kneads your cheeks. “This is just pure perfection.” He leans forward to press himself against you. He’s so hard against you, it makes you push back into him. “(y/n), can we try something different tonight?”

“Harry”, you stand up to face him, taking his hands in yours. This was a dreaded question. Selfishly, you liked things how they were. You knew he wanted to feel every inch of you, but you were still working through things at therapy, and you just couldn’t let him touch you like that yet. You sigh, feeling awful. “I’m so sorry, I’m just not ready for-“ You’re cut off by his hands on your face and his mouth on yours.

“I didn’t mean, doing more. I just had a different position in mind. I’m not ever going to suggest anything more until you say so.” He reassures her.

“Alright, what did you have in mind?”

“Well, first, how would you feel about sitting on my face?” Your eyes nearly pop out. That wasn’t something you did often. Even though his head had been between your legs countless time, sitting on his face just seemed really vulnerable. But you’d be lying if you said it didn’t turn you on. To ride his face, to be so in control of the situation.

“Yeah, we could try that. What was the second?”

“Hm?”

“You said first, what’s the second position?”

“Let’s just try this, and then I’ll bring that up.” He says with a grin.

“Okay, but, let’s turn the lights off.” You point the switch on the wall, and he flicks it off.

“Take your panties off baby.”

You slide the thong off and toss it on the floor. He leaves his boxers on for now. Harry lays on the bed, right next to you. Your breathing felt heavy as you crept your way up to him.

“Don’t be shy, love. You’re so beautiful, I’m dying to see you from this angle.”

With his words of encouragement, you swung your leg over him, and lowered yourself onto his face. You were already dripping for him. The second he started sucking on your nipples you were a goner. Harry started to suck on your clit, and you grabbed at his headboard. You let out a breathless moan at the way he nibbled and sucked on your most sensitive area. You sunk down on him a little, and he moved his mouth to your warm, dripping center. His tongue lapped around you for a moment, but went up inside you so you could ride him. His hands moved to your hips and gently rocked you. You started to move yourself slowly against his face. His little bit of stubble adding the perfect amount of friction. Before you knew it, you were grinding down on him back and forth, riding his tongue. Your moans started to get louder and louder, clutching at the headboard, trying to pinch your legs together, looking for some release. But his hands on your thighs kept your legs open. You didn’t know if it was the different angle, or the fact that you were so in control, but you were feeling amazing. You loved looking down seeing him under you like this. You rocked faster on him, a thumb moving to rub your clit. That’s when you knew you were done for.

“Oh, fuck, Harry! Fuck!” You moaned out, over and over. “I’m goonnnnaaa, ahhh…” You came, hard on his tongue. He slowly sucked on you so you could ride your high out. He lifted you off of him, and he wipes his face. His chest was heaving up and down, and slowly he steadied it. He looked up at you and smiled.

“That was so hot, did you like it?”

“Yeah, it felt incredible. So, um…” You knew you weren’t done with him yet. “What was the other position?”

“Eager?”

“Curious.”

“I want to do that to you, while you do it to me.” You furrow your eyebrows for a second, putting two and two together. A slight squeak leaving your mouth.

“Are you asking me to 69?” He nods at you.

“Would you feel comfortable with that?”

“Well, would you have to eat me out…like from behind?”

“Yup.” He’s so comfortable with it. You weren’t sure if you wanted to have your ass in his face like that. You also didn’t want him accidentally licking your asshole or something. “If you don’t want to it’s okay, I just thought it might be fun to do that at the same time.”

“Well, we can try, and if I feel weird we’ll stop.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

You reach down and tug at his boxers. He lifts his hips up so you can bring them down his legs, tossing them aside. You wanted him in your mouth, that wasn’t the problem. You also didn’t want to be that close to his asshole either. He probably didn’t care because he was still intoxicated. You stare at his dick, it is absolutely throbbing for you, this snaps you out of any concern.

“Right, so it’s a little easier if we both lay on our side.” Confirmation that he’s done this before, wonderful. You want to roll your eyes at him, but you know he didn’t mean anything by the comment.

You lay on your left side, eyeing his dick that has begun to leak at the tip. You feel him move between your legs, as you stroke your thumb over his tip. His mouth is on you again, and you moan out that different sensation you’re getting from having him lick you from the opposite direction. You put on hand on his hip, and the other on his dick. You start out with just the tip in your mouth while your hand worked his base. You feel Harry groan into you, causing you to moan with him in your mouth. You had never done something quite so erotic. He licked you quicker and quicker, as you bobbed your head, taking more of him into your mouth. He rocks his hips into you as you do to him, you’re way more turned on than you thought you’d be. His chin is rubbing against your clit as his tongue goes back inside you.

“Ahh, shit!” You say with him in your mouth, taking him deeper. You feel him hit the back of your throat as he rocks into you, and you choke on him for a second. He stops to see if you’re alright. “Fuck, don’t stop Harry!” You say pumping just for a moment before wrapping your swollen lips around him again.

You felt your stomach tighten and you knew your release was coming. You could feel tears streaming down your cheeks from having his cock so deep down your throat, but you loved the way he tasted. Neither of you warn each other, just as you’re releasing on his tongue, his hot come comes shooting to the back of your throat. You take as much of it into your mouth as you can, but you need to moan out from your high. You cough up some of his come back on his dick, and you try to catch your breath. Harry turns his body so he’s fully laying on his back. You swallow what you can of the come that’s still in your mouth. You feel him yank at your arm, and he pulls you up, so you’re lying on his chest. He’s stroking your hair, trying to steady his breathing. His chest is laced with sweat.

“How, how did you like that?”

“It was different. But it felt amazing. I love the way it feels when you’re do that and you moan into me, it’s so hot Harry.” He moves to kiss you but you back away. “I should really go rinse my mouth out first.”

“It doesn’t bother me.” His pupils are still blown out. You look at his dick, it’s twitching, could it really be getting hard again? “Lemme kiss ya.”

“Please, I just want to rinse my mouth out, hold on a sec.” You quickly go to the bathroom, and rinse your mouth out. You’re back to the bed quick, just like you said. “See? Okay, now I’ll kiss you.”

You lean down and kiss him, slightly tasting yourself on his lips, but it’s not a big deal. He sucks on your bottom lip, biting it pretty good, and you groan. Your hands are in his hair in seconds, pulling at it. He wraps his arms around you, and pulls you on top of him. You keep your lower half hovering over him, not wanting to make contact.

“Please, I’m so hard again, please touch me.” He says against your lips.

“I thought when guys drank like this they had a hard time getting it up.” You say taking him into your small hand, giving him slow pumps.

“It has the opposite effect on me, god that feels good.”

You pump him until he’s panting. You loved the sight of his parted lips, and the way his hands grabbed all over your body.

“(y/n), can I please come on your ass?” You’re surprised at him.

“Um, sure.” You squeak.

You get off him quickly and lay on your stomach. He grips himself in one hand, and puts the other on your hip. He pulls you up slightly so your butt is more in the air. You hear him moan out, and it nearly makes you come again. Sensing this, at the sight of you squeezing your legs together, Harry reaches around to rub your clit, careful to only use his thumb.

“Fuck!” You scream out, feeling your third release of the night come at the same you feel his hot come spread all over of your back and butt. You nearly collapse on the mattress. You hear the bed creak, and watch as Harry saunters to the bathroom, coming back with a towel. He wipes you clean, and you turn over, amazed by him and what his simple touch does to you. You know you need to get up to pee, if you don’t you’ll regret it. He puts on a clean pair of boxers, and watches you go into the bathroom. You’re still crazy wet. A mix of you and him. You almost feel bad having to wipe it all away, but no guy will ever be worth having a UTI for.

“Here, wanna wear my shirt? You always look so cute in my clothes.” He coos, holding up a t-shirt. You happily take it and put it on. You get back on the bed with him, and he hugs you close to his bare chest. “You did so good baby, so good. You were amazing.” He rubs your back. You loved the way he always tried to make you feel better. It’s not like you were having BDSM, it’s not like he slapped you around. It wasn’t like you needed time to come back to him. But he knew you were always after doing something new or different.

“It was really nice, Harry. A good suggestion.” You snuggle into him, and he puts the comforter over the both of you. “Thank you for always being so nice to me.” You knew he’d be rougher with you if you let him. You knew if you said the word, you’d let him raw you over his desk. That was the thing with him though. He always asked for permission, and he didn’t do anything unless you said so.

[namfine]

Gummy Worm/Pt 1

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader Warnings: Angst, fluff, smut (eventually) friends to lovers au, college au, semi-idol au, childhood friends reunited after x amount of years lmao Synopsis: You thought you’d never see him again, the boy from your childhood leaving you to grow up on your own. But fate decided to have other plans and have the two of you reunite years later.  A/N: Hello this is Admin Fizzy! I got this idea after finishing a show and was originally gonna make it a one shot but with how much I was writing I decided to turn it into a series! This story is going to have fluff but the overall theme is angst because I like to hurt myself and others. I know the plot doesn’t sound that interesting but that’s because I can’t really describe it that much without giving the whole thing away. The majority is going to be set in the past and eventually leading up to the present.

You let out a breath you had been holding, smoothing your hands down the front of your dress as you did so. You took in another and held it in, closing your eyes and feeling the thumping of your heart in your ears. When you had opened them again, you made eye contact with your mother in the mirror, returning the smile she was giving you with a small one. She walked up behind you and placed her hands on your shoulders, giving you a small squeeze. “My darling, how are you feeling?” She whispered while still looking at you. “Good...nervous. I feel like my stomach is being turned inside out and trying to gorge itself.” You placed your hands on top of hers and pressed your lips together, eyeing yourself in the mirror. Your mother took her hands off your shoulders and turned you to face her. “How do you think he’s feeling?” You opened your mouth to speak but then suddenly closed it, not really knowing what to say. “Nervous...probably a lot more than I am. He...uh” You didn’t want to hide the truth from your mother, she somewhat knew of the issues you and him had been having. Besides, she was your mother, she’d know if you were lying. “Do you think he’s ready?” She whispered and looked into your eyes. You maintained eye contact for about 2 seconds before flicking your gaze downward, clenching your teeth at the sense of dread going through your body. “I don’t know.”

-- “I think it’ll be super fun! You said you wanted to try new things when you started college and this is something totally not in your normal life routine.” Your friend, Yeri pleaded at you while pursing her lips in mock pout. She grabbed both your hands and began to shake you back and forth while yelling the word ‘please’ in a dramatic matter. Your body swayed to and fro, playing into her shenanigans by letting your head hang back and sticking your tongue out your mouth before laughing. You raised an eyebrow at her, a small smile playing on your lips before letting out a loud sigh. “Fine, you’ve managed to convince me.” Yeri let go of you and began to lightly clap her hands, a soft ‘yay’ leaving her lips. You couldn’t help but smile back, a snort and an eye roll included. Going to an underground hip hop event is something you can cross off your list of things you never thought about doing. -- The event started in 2 hours but you and Yeri decided to start getting ready now since this was your first time going and didn’t exactly know what to wear. You stood in front of your closet with hands on your hips, your eyes scanning across your wardrobe and feeling yourself starting to become frustrated with your lack of ‘underground scene’ clothes. “Yeri, what are you gonna wear? My style isn’t exactly meant for things like this-” You turned around to catch her putting on a tight black off shoulder long sleeve, her dark jeans and Adidas sneakers already complimenting the outfit. She walked to her vanity and put on gold hoop earrings, turned to face you with a serious look on her face before breaking out into a bright smile. “What do you think? Hip hoppy enough?” She wiggled her eyebrows at you and you laughed, walking up to her and giving a once over. “Yeah, yeah! You look good! Maybe you should put your hair up to show off your earrings...?” Your head cocked to the side while your voice trailed off thinking of other ideas for her. “What if I tie a jacket around my waist. That’s cool right?” You nodded in agreement and while she tied up her hair, you wandered back to your closet, crossing your arms and shifting your weight to one hip, starting to feel defeat at not being able to come up with an outfit. “Why don’t you borrow something of mine? I’m sure you can find something.” You turned back to face Yeri once more, a dark red plaid shirt now accompanying her waist and her hair up and out her face. You nodded and fixed your gaze at her closet. After settling on an outfit; a long black sleeve with fishnet pattern above the breasts and covering your arms, loose pants and boots, you and Yeri talked excitedly in the car while on the way there. Given that you didn’t know anything about underground hip hop, you were still pumped to experience it for the first time. You arrived at the building, paid your entry fees and walked inside, the atmosphere immediately made your heart pound with anticipation. You looked around at all the people in the building, feeling a smile grow on your lips at the liveliness of it all. Your eyes grazed over the crowd and found the stage way at the front seeing some crew doing the finishing touches. “Y/n? Is that you?” You turned your head to your right, your eyes squinting at the person calling your name but then going wide with recognition. “Namjoon! Holy shit!” He got closer to you and took his sunglasses off, bringing you into an instant hug, your arms going around his neck. He pulled you back and grinned, a laugh escaping his mouth. “Holy fuck, I haven’t seen you in like 3 years! What the- what the fuck are you doing here?” He questioned while laughing, his arms crossing in front of him. “Yeah, it’s been a while! And I came here with my friend, Yeri! She practically dragged me out here.” You reached behind you and grabbed Yeri’s hand, yanking her to your side. She smiled sheepishly before shaking his hand, telling you she was gonna have a look around and meet up with you before the show started. You nodded and told her to be careful, watching her disappear into the crowd before turning your attention back towards Namjoon. “Is this your first time to one of these events?” “Yeah, can you tell? I’m pretty excited though, the energy in here is crazy.” You looked back to the stage and just let your eyes sweep over the set. Nothing fancy just two speakers on either side and huge lights hanging up above, plus a few mic stands and other miscellaneous items. “I didn’t think you’d be the type to come to something like this but hey, I’m happy to see you! We should catch up afterwards, you know?” You shook your head happily and beamed at his words. “Yes, we should! I’ll be looking forward to your performance! Are you solo?” “Nah I got a partner tonight actually, we decided to duo for tonight’s performance.” Namjoon smiled once more, his dimples appearing on his cheeks. “Well, good luck to you both. I’ll make sure to cheer extra loud for you guys.” Namjoon gave you a thumbs up and winked, turning around to head backstage. You watched him walk away for a couple of seconds before making your way to find Yeri. You found her off to the left, scrolling through her phone before she noticed and waved you over. When you got to her side, you gave her a brief history on you and Namjoon talking about how you guys were classmates in high school and pretty good friends even though he was a year older than you. After he graduated he got busy and unfortunately you guys lost touch, but kept up with each other on social media. You never would’ve guessed he was going to the same college as you, given that he rarely uploads and when he does, it’s about his dog or something music related. Suddenly the lights dimmed and the roar that erupted from the audience was deafening. You couldn’t help but laugh and join along, cupping your hands around your mouth and screaming along with the crowd. A man came up on stage and the volume died down just a bit when he put the microphone to his mouth. He introduced himself and gave a brief introduction as to what the event was, saying that he instantly recognized a few new faces. You felt your eyes go briefly wide, turning to face Yeri who was doing her best to hide the bashful smile on her lips. You couldn’t help but chuckle and grab her hand, giving a squeeze before joining the crowd in yelling. You had watched 5 performances so far, each person impressing you in their own way with their words, flow, rhythm and stage presence. However, you were shaking with anticipation, waiting for Namjoon and his partner to show up, your stomach doing twists and turns. The host showed up on stage again, giving the last performers a pat on the back and thanking them before turning to the audience, a big grin overtaking his face. “Alright alright alright, and now onto our last show for the night--” Before he could even continue, the crowd erupted into applause, even louder than before. The host couldn’t help but laugh at the noise, putting his hands out towards the audience in a ‘relax’ gesture. “You already know who these fine people are but as always we’ll introduce them to our new faces here.” Your heart seemed to start pounding even faster than before, the moment that you have been waiting for was finally here. “They’ve decided to partner up for tonight’s show! So! Everybody! Let’s give it up for Runch Randa and Gloss!” As soon as the first name left his mouth, the audience once again exploded into applause, only increasing in volume when two figures ran up on stage. Namjoon, who you recognized immediately, had his sunglasses back on but was now sporting gold chains around his neck, a long cane in one hand while he held his mic in the other. The other guy, who was known as Gloss, also came out wearing sunglasses, gold chains, a black beanie on his head, and a handkerchief hanging out his back pocket. Both boys were wearing all black and as soon as they got to the middle of the stage, Namjoon held up one finger and brought them to his lips. The crowd went silent at once, the deafening sounds that were taking place now ceasing to exist. Gloss suddenly raised his hand high up into the air, also holding a finger to his lips, and with one swift movement he brought his hand down and music began to blast through the speakers. Namjoon broke out into a rap, holding his mic close to his mouth while Gloss nodded along to the beat.  The crowd launched into rapping the words as well, this song apparently being one that’s a favorite. You couldn’t help yourself and began to yell with Yeri, who had both fists raised into the air along with some other people. Namjoon looked so calm standing up on stage, yet was spitting words with such exuberance. Your eyes flicked over to Gloss, whose eyes were scanning over the audience and when he got to your section, you swore he froze for about half a second before a smirk overtook his face. You wondered what caused his action, but your thoughts were washed away when Namjoon suddenly stopped speaking, a tone of 3 beats going by before Gloss raised his mic to his lips and took a deep breath, holding it for a total of 3 seconds before breaking out into words. It was at that moment you felt your heart stop beating. The way he was rapping, you could feel every word shooting right into your chest, the passion behind them swirling around your body and even though his eyes were hidden behind his sunglasses it almost felt as if his gaze was burning right into you. You were brought out of your trance when Yeri suddenly grabbed onto your shoulder and began to shake you, leaning into you to scream “Holy fucking shit!!!”. Holy fucking shit, indeed. Gloss suddenly squatted down, his rapping seemingly kicking into overdrive, the rate at which he was speaking had your heart thumping against your chest. The music lowered down to what sounded like a siren following behind him. The feeling you got was as if he didn’t need to breathe, his words flowing out so smoothly and flawlessly. He stood back up while still rapping and when he reached the end, he let out a fierce yell before falling into a smirk, ending the song in a way that caused chills to run through your body. The lights suddenly turned out and without missing a beat, everyone in the room erupted into cheers and applause.  You and Yeri joined in, feeling your throat starting to become dry with all the cheering you were doing. The lights slowly came back on and as soon as Namjoon and Gloss were illuminated, your face broke out into a bright smile and you waved at Namjoon who waved back at you. Gloss had his arms crossed and was looking in your direction. When your eyes locked onto him, you felt your cheeks begin to warm, for he was smirking at you while biting his lip. You broke eye contact and looked down at the floor, shyly smiling to yourself. “Y/n! He was totally looking at you! Oh my god you need to get Namjoon to introduce you two.” You nudged her with your elbow, feeling the heat suddenly overtake your whole face. Yeri laughed and you shook your head, lifting your eyes back up to stage to see the host back on stage with the other performers as well. “First things first, let’s give a final round of applause for our artists tonight!” You cupped your hands around your mouth, letting out several hoots and hollers along with everyone else. Namjoon and Gloss stood on the side of the stage closest to you, and you gave them a thumbs up before turning your attention back to the host. “Thank you so much for everyone coming tonight! Tonight’s show was amazing as always and we hope to see you all next time! Goodnight y’all!” The host slapped a hand on one of the artists shoulders before walking back down the stairs, the rest of them following behind. You and Yeri walked off to the side as well, getting out of people’s way who began to walk towards the door. You were talking amongst yourselves, bringing up which acts were your favorite and even deciding to come back for the next show. You were about to say something when a hand suddenly clapped on your shoulder. You jumped slightly but smiled when you noticed it was Namjoon. Your heart skipped a beat when you spotted Gloss right behind him. “Namjoon that was absolutely insane! Holy shit you guys were so awesome!” You brought him into a hug and he laughed, going in to hug Yeri as well. He stepped back before bringing a hand on Gloss’s shoulder and pulling him up to his side. He was still wearing his sunglasses but had lost the beanie, his curly black hair now on display. “I’d like to introduce you guys to my partner and friend! Y/N, Yeri, this is Gloss aka Min Yoongi--” At hearing that name your eyebrows furrowed together, confusion spreading across your face. “Yoongi this is--” Why had you heard that name before? “Y/n. We know each other.” Upon hearing this, you snapped out of your thoughts and locked eyes with Yoongi, his sunglasses now off. It only took you about half a second before your stomach curled into itself. “Min Yoongi!?” You half yelled with surprise, a nervous laugh leaving your lips. “You do??” Both Yeri and Namjoon exclaimed. “Y/N and I-” “Used to be neighbors.” You finished his sentence and couldn’t help the grin that was spreading across your face. Yoongi smiled back at you and bit onto his bottom lip, a chuckle sounding from him. “Long time no see, Bug.” The smile that was on your face wiped off at his words, but a playful eye roll soon took after. You crossed your arms and shook your head at him, the corner of your lips tugging up into a smile. “Yeah it’s been awhile...Gummy.” You snorted while watching Yoongi’s press his lips together, the mock scowl on his face making you break out into laughter. The childhood nickname making the tips of his ears turn red. “So what’s the history here?” Yeri questioned, raising an eyebrow playfully at you two. “Y/n and I went to elementary and middle school together, on top of being neighbors. Our parents liked to schedule play dates when we were kids.” You smiled at the memories of you and Yoongi playing in each other’s backyards, covered in dirt and pretending to play Knights and Dragons. “Yeah and when we finished middle school, Yoongi abandoned me and switched.” Yoongi pressed a hand to his chest in mock hurt, scoffing at your words. “Says the one who didn’t even cry at my leaving.” He shot back playfully and laughed when you shooed your hand at him, feeling just the faintest hint of guilt at his retort. “Woah what a small world.” Yeri chuckles out. “Hey so, we’re actually gonna grab some food right now, performing really empties out your stomach. Do you guys wanna join?” Namjoon questions you and Yeri. You’re about to answer but Yeri beats you to it. “Sure, yeah! We’re starving too.” You turn to look at your friend, who sends you a quick wink before going back to face Namjoon and Yoongi. “Awesome, okay. We’re gonna go grab our stuff and we’ll meet you out front?” You both nod and smile at them, watching as they make their way backstage. “I can’t believe you know them! That’s so funny that you ran into both of them here!” Yeri says as you two also start making your way to the front entrance. “Yeah well like you said, ‘What a small world’.” You answered with a soft smile. -- After the boys met back up with you, the four of you drove to a 24/7 diner, sliding into the first available booth. You all placed your orders and quickly slipped into easy conversation, at first talking about tonight’s performances, the other artists, what the energy feels like while up there, etc etc etc. The talking died down only somewhat when your food finally arrived. Somewhere along the conversation you had asked where their stage names had come from and in return, Namjoon and Yeri had asked where ‘Bug’ and ‘Gummy’ stemmed. You purse your lips together and notice Yoongi snickering and leaning back into the booth. You let out a sigh and placed your chin in your palm, mentally preparing yourself to get fun of. But before you had a chance to open your mouth, Yoongi had spoken up. “One time y/n and I were playing at the park and she stuck a caterpillar up her nose. And then proceeded to snot rocket it out towards me. Another time she managed to stick four ladybugs and a dragonfly on her face. She’s like, the bug whisperer or something.” A moment of silence passed before Yeri made a hurling sound, her tongue sticking out in a dramatic matter. Namjoon simply shook his head but didn’t try to hide the smile that was forming.  “I can’t believe you exposed me first, my story is so much more embarrassing than yours.” You whined and put your hands on your forehead, looking down at the table in shame. Yoongi shrugged and took a sip of his soda, laughing at your expense. “Well then what’s the story behind ‘Gummy’?” Namjoon questioned. “It’s not even that bad, Yoongi just has a really gummy smile.” You replied quickly, wanting to get the attention away from you. You glanced over at Yoongi, who was currently hiding his mouth behind his hand. “Really? I’ve never seen it.” Namjoon said and turned to face Yoongi, who only shook his head. “He’s just embarrassed by it. Which, I don’t know why! It’s the way you can tell he’s truly having fun.” “Is that why you cover your mouth sometimes? Aww, Yoongi-” Namjoon cooed and reached out to pinch Yoongi’s cheek, he retaliated by swatting at his hand with his other one. “Why don’t we talk about something else now?” You spoke up, feeling a little bad at Yoongi’s embarrassment. Yeri and Namjoon ended up telling an embarrassing childhood story about themselves when they were younger; Yeri falling to her knees after trying to jump the last few steps off an escalator and Namjoon walked out into his living room in only his underwear, not knowing that his parents had guests over. The two slipped into a conversation of their own, talking about how music and the arts go hand in hand, finding similarities between the two. While they got more engrossed in their convo, you looked down at your plate and swirled a fry into your ketchup, suddenly feeling a pair of eyes on you. You looked up to see Yoongi looking at you with a soft smile on his face. You blushed lightly at his stare, pointing out your fry towards him. “What’s up Gummy?” You joked. Yoongi rolled his eyes and leaned slightly forward, crossing his arms on top of the table. He took the fry from your hand and popped it into his mouth. Feign shock crossed your face and you picked up another fry, quickly dipping it into your ketchup and into your mouth. “I just can’t believe we’re here right now.” He said after swallowing. You also swallowed and agreed. It truly was crazy how you reunited with both Namjoon and Yoongi. You were ecstatic at seeing both of them, but let’s just say that your heart may or may not have beat a little faster when recognizing Yoongi… “Oh man, yeah, who would’ve thought...I didn’t even think this was something you wanted to do.” Yoongi raised his eyebrows slightly before reaching out to take another fry. “Do you not recall me making up, bad might I add, songs about how you fell down the stairs at the park or when Yonghoon punched out my loose tooth?” You pondered for a moment, a light bulb going off in your head when you recalled your horribly scraped knee and the sudden gap in Yoongi’s smile when you saw him the day after his little fight. “Fuck, yeah you’re right. How can I forget ‘Tumble Bug’ and ‘One Punch, Tooth Out’? Those were truly top sellers at our time.” You chuckled and shook your head at him, feeling your chest tighten a bit when you could make out a little bit of his gummy smile behind his hand. After talking for another hour or so, you four decided to call it a night, 2 a.m just barely rolling around. You paid for your meals and went to stand outside, Yeri and Namjoon announcing they were going to use the restroom before leaving. You and Yoongi stood in comfortable silence before he spoke up. “You know I recognized you immediately when I was on stage.” He said all of a sudden. The memory of him looking in your direction the first time popped into your head, your cheeks getting slightly heated at the memory but also confirming that you weren’t crazy. “I thought so haha...you looked like you saw a ghost for a second or two.” You looked at the ground and kicked at a rock, putting your hands behind your back and leaning against the building. “Well, I mean I did just reunite with my best friend after so many years…” Your eyes went wide, his words making your heart sting a little. You lifted your head to look at him, noticing the way he was not quite making eye contact with you. The difference of his on and off stage presence suddenly becomes apparent to you. Yoongi was always a shy kid but the way that all seemed to wash away when he was on stage was amazing to you. “I’m sorry...for never contacting you or anything. I just...didn’t know how.” And you didn’t, you were so used to seeing and hanging out with him everyday that you just didn’t know how to adjust without him. “Hey, it’s okay-” He steps closer to you and you could just barely make out the warmth radiating from him. “I’m just really glad I found you again.” He smiled, truly smiled, the one that showed off his gums and you felt your stomach burst into little butterflies. “I’m happy too…” The silence that followed was comfortable, but it didn’t last long before Namjoon and Yeri came out the front door, laughing about something. “Alright, you guys ready to go?” Namjoon asked once they reached the both of you. The three of you nodded and made your way to your respective cars, you carpooled with your original company. Yeri stepped into the drivers side and before you could open your door, you heard rapid footsteps in front of you. Yoongi jogged towards you and held his phone out, the call app open on it. “So I don’t lose you again.” A grin slowly spread across your face while grabbing his phone. You input your number and called yourself, giving Yoongi one last hug before he waved goodbye and made his way back to the car. When you sat down you saved his name as ‘Yoongs’ with a cat emoji, remembering how they used to gather around his house. You sat in silence before Yeri cleared her throat, giving you a gentle smile when you looked at her. She glanced at your phone before going back to you, her left eyebrow raising up. You lifted both yours up as well, feeling waves of nerves gather in your stomach. “What?” You finally asked. She chuckled before turning the key in the ignition, the car roaring to life and the low a.c softly blowing onto your face. “Nothing just...you just seem really happy right now.” “I just found two of my really good friends after so long. One of them being my best friend.” You mumbled back, another smile threatening to grace your lips. Yeri only hummed in agreement, driving past the other car and slowed down briefly to allow the two of you to wave at them. The boys waved back and your gaze lingered on Yoongi just for a few seconds longer before turning back to the front, warmth overtaking your chest. You had just found your best friend and childhood crush. 

[eldritchtea]

Salvis Christmas Headcanons ☃️

• Sal and Travis are roommates in college, they aren’t mortal enemies, but they aren’t the closest of friends either. At the start of December, the both of them settle on decorating the dorm festively for the season, Sal buys his own decorations to hang and place on his side of the room, typical Christmas decorations; lights, a Christmas tree, candy canes, a garland, ya know the usual. As does Travis. But Sal’s classes don’t quite mesh with Travis’s, when he’s gone he’s usually coming back from a class and after every class, he starts noticing a mistletoe being hung in the middle of the room, he doesn’t recall Travis or himself hanging it so he unconsciously gets his desk chair and plucks it off, chucking it onto the floor. Eventually, after so many times of it reappearing and Sal continuously taking it down the weekend falls, Travis and Sal are actually in the room together for once, both of them awake and not bustling about the campus. They both wake, and eventually stand up and Sal notices that stupid damn mistletoe once again, Travis catches his glance up to it and flushes. Stuttering out an apology as he admits he was the one always putting it back up. Rambling on about how he’s never had a Christmas kiss and just wanted to have at least one opportunity to have one. Sal rolls his eyes in what could be described as an annoyance but he mutters for him to kneel down a bit so he can press the lips of his mask to Travis’s. 

• The entire gang gather’s in Larry’s apartment to make gingerbread houses, Larry, Ash, and Sal being the most gifted when it comes to arts and crafts express their excitement in the group chat. Travis follows along with the hype with a forced ‘Yay, but it quick to swipe out of the group chat to message Sal about his insecurities of making anything around the rest of the gang. Sal reassures him no one is gonna poke fun at what he brainstorms up, and so they all meet at the apartment according to the set time to arrive. Larry is quick to masterfully build up a two-story gingerbread house littered in gumdrops and tactful lines of frosting to give it that shingled roof texture. Ash comes up with a small cottage, she describes it as comforting with the number of peppermints she places near the front to form a pathway. And Sal makes your stereotypical gingerbread house, more so munching on the candy throughout the process than really adding any extra fine details. Travis, on the other hand, is bright red by the time Sal glances over at his “house” in shambles. Having going haywire on the frosting the walls and roof just oozed away instead of solidifying into any sort of structure making everything come down into a pitiful gingerbread pile. Larry snickers at the sight, Sal elbows him in the chest, and with one swift fist, he smashes his own gingerbread house causing Ash, Larry, and Travis to cry out over what he had done. He just shrugs, flashing Travis a subtle wink.

[ Click keep reading if you’d like to see the spicy ones ]

•  Travis and Sal have been together since the beginning of the year, and as Christmas rolls near, Travis becomes surprisingly antsy. Sal takes notice right away, asking his sweet angel what the matter was, his arms wrap around his body, pressing his chin into the dip of his shoulder. And Travis tenses at first, but quickly relaxes, he takes a deep breath and then explains he never really got to experience Christmas as typical families would. Sal stays silent at first, deciding to press tender kisses into the junction of his neck instead of giving him a response right away. But once he pulls his mouth away from Travis’s neck to speak Travis’s hand grabs at the cloth of his shirt. Asking him nicely to do that again, Sal of course obliges. Travis ends up getting sturred up to the point he’s practically begging Sal to ease his pajamas down his legs and help him out, Sal doesn’t follow his pleas directly after, he continues teasing him until he grinding up into open air. I could see Sal yanking his own pants down as well to stroke himself against Travis’s dick. Some good ol’ frottage action I’m sure would be enough to make Travis come undone. 

• The gang gathers at Sal, Larry, Todd, and Neil’s house for a classic game of White Elephant/ Dirty Santa. Everyone draws numbers and unfortunately for Sal, he draws the number one, he groans but he’s well aware someone could potentially steal his gift, later on, so he spots something grabs and opens it. The box drops, and he spreads his arms out showcasing a sexy Mrs. Claus outfit. Of course, everyone starts laughing, Ash behind teary eyes raises her hand confessing to bringing it in. But atlas, Sal doesn’t fret, he knows they won’t egg him to put it on unless he gets stuck with it. The game progresses, Larry ends up with a jar of pickles and a gag cooking book on how to prepare cock, Ash gets numerous rolls of non-rippable toilet paper, and a jar of beans claiming to be “bubble bath.” And Travis, funnily enough, ends up with the most normal gift of the bunch, a classic holiday-themed onesie. Todd and Neil eye at Sal and Larry eventually tunes in. “You gonna put that on?” Sal rolls his eyes, scurrying off into the bathroom to change, meanwhile, Travis slips his onesie over his clothes, not really having the patience to take off everything, he did plan on leaving at some point after all. Sal walks out and the dress is short, Ash asks for a twirl, Sal does so, and Travis starts coughing, suddenly he needs some water. He runs off and Sal is oddly enough concerned and pardons himself to follow suit. Travis is red, and the moment he sees the wash of red, white and black he’s sputtering on his water, dropping his solo cup in the midst. He’s apologizing as Sal bends in front of him giving him an all to clear view of his ass in some briefs and let’s just say the man’s got some explaining to do as to why he’s sporting a hard-on right after. Ok? Ok.

[ If you read this far, kudos to you! Also if anyone has any requests feel free to shoot me some, I’'ll end up finding a format I like eventually ]

[ultraqueer]

hey lads! i’m queueing this up for right after i go under for knee surgery tomorrow, so i obv won’t be able to respond to anything right away (as i’ll be Drugged As Fuck post-op) but!! here we go (the scene and a few more notes under a read more bc It Is Long)

i posted a lil something about maybe putting a snippet of my original one-act play on here for @duck-days and some people seemed interested, so here it is! i initially wrote this to challenge myself, as i’ve never considered myself especially strong when it comes to writing dialogue (or like... writing a whole ass play on my own lmao), and then challenged myself further by directing it myself. honestly this production was one of the best things i’ve ever done and i doubt i’ll ever forget it

a bit of background for anyone interested:

this was originally written for my college’s one-act play festival in april of 2018

it was selected!! yay!!! and performed at the end of that month

the show’s run time was about 40 min total

my beautiful actors got their shit together in the span of three weeks to put this thing on

i cried A Lot

this is just the first scene (of thirteen), plus the character descriptions, and i don’t intend on ever posting the full text online (i’m down to answer any questions you might have about it tho!!), but there is a recording of the show that i might put up at a later date. anyways i get hella emotional whenever i think abt this show so i’m just gonna shut up and let it speak for itself yEEt

~~~~~~~

POSSESS 

CHARACTER LIST - 

Nadiya King – College junior. A film major intrigued by the paranormal. Sweet, charming, and curious, but at times naïve or oblivious. Female.

Sloane Robertson – College junior and Nadiya’s best friend. Smitten with Nadiya. Intelligent and cautious, but often plays along with Nadiya’s plans. Female.

Desdemona – Spirit. Nineteen when she passed. Summoned by Nadiya, quickly becoming smitten with and possessive of her. Easily angered or made jealous. Female.

Reese – College junior and Nadiya’s roommate. Smitten with Brent. Outwardly sweet and a bit ditzy, but quick to anger. Female or nonbinary.

Logan – College junior and Sloane’s roommate. Cool-headed and logical; generally the one to get their friends out of a pinch. Any gender.

Brent – College senior, living in the biggest frat on campus. Known to be a “player” with more than questionable flirting tactics. Male.

SCENE ONE - 

[An old, eerie house. The furniture and floor are covered in a thick layer of dust and ash - in fact, most everything in the room is burnt to some degree, save for one thing: a shiny, deep purple ribbon curled up on the floor. A pendant hangs from the ribbon. Loud laughter and footsteps from offstage, at which point NADIYA, SLOANE, LOGAN, and REESE enter. REESE is holding a ghastly mask, positively giddy, while SLOANE appears shaken]

REESE: Come on, Sloane, it was funny!

SLOANE: I came here to support Nadiya’s “research” - not to get jumpscared the second we got here!

REESE: But the timing was perfect!

[NADIYA leans her head on SLOANE’s shoulder, eyes wide]

NADIYA: We’re sorry we frightened you, ‘Lo. Can you find it in your heart to forgive us?

[SLOANE looks down at NADIYA and then away, blushing furiously]

SLOANE: I- y-yes.

[NADIYA leaps upright, grinning, and REESE claps her hands]

But I swear to god, if you pull that again…

[As she trails off, NADIYA and REESE move toward the center of the room, whispering. NADIYA pulls out a Ouija board, a candle, and a book of matches. SLOANE stares after NADIYA, until LOGAN taps her on the shoulder]

LOGAN: Real subtle, there.

SLOANE: W-What are you talking about?

LOGAN (to NADIYA and REESE): Alright, what are the ghost hunters up to now?

REESE: Well, you know how my aunt is flipping this old place?

[LOGAN and SLOANE nod]

And she keeps thinking she’s hearing things whenever she visits the property?

[They nod again]

Well, Nadiya thought -

NADIYA: What if we try to talk to whoever’s here?

LOGAN (chuckling, under her breath): Whatever.

NADIYA: Exactly, Logan! Or whatever might be inhabiting the house. Something must be here - it just feels… odd.

[NADIYA kneels on the floor and brushes away some dust, placing the board, planchette, and candle on the cleaned place. Her hair falls in her face, and as she brushes it away, the ribbon catches her eye. She picks it up]

NADIYA: ‘Lo, did you drop this?

SLOANE: Why me?

NADIYA: I don’t know, it seems like something you might like.

[She holds it out to the others]

Logan? Reese?

LOGAN: Nah, not my style.

REESE: Looks kind of gross.

[NADIYA shrugs, but doesn’t put the ribbon down, instead using it to tie her own hair back. She proceeds to light the candle. The moment forgotten, the others join her in kneeling and place their hands on the planchette. SLOANE holds back]

SLOANE: And you sure this is safe?

[NADIYA removes her hands, placing one on SLOANE’s shoulder]

NADIYA: Completely safe, ‘Lo. I’ve been doing this as long as I can remember! As long as we all follow the rules, nothing should bother us.

[Hesitantly, SLOANE puts her hands on the planchette, as does NADIYA]

REESE: Nadiya, you’re asking the questions, right?

NADIYA: That’s what I was planning - if you want to ask something you can, but in my experience it’s best to have someone who’s played before do most of the questioning. You know, just in case.

[REESE nods, and NADIYA closes her eyes. A beat]

NADIYA: Hello?

[A beat]

Are there any presences here with us tonight?

[A moment passes. Then, slowly, the planchette moves to ‘YES’]

NADIYA: When did you die?

[Planchette moves to spell ‘0-6’]

NADIYA: 2006?

[Planchette moves to ‘NO’]

NADIYA: 1906?

[Planchette moves to ‘YES’]

NADIYA: What may I call you?

[Planchette spells the name ‘D-E-S-D-E-M-O-N-A’]

NADIYA: Desdemona?

[A door somewhere in the house slams shut, causing the others to jump]

SLOANE: Nadiya, I don’t think-

NADIYA: Shh!

REESE: Come on Sloane, tonight’s finally getting interesting!

NADIYA: There was a fire here, in the early nineteen hundreds… Desdemona, was that you?

[The planchette is still]

Desdemona?

[A beat]

If anyone is here, show yourselves!

[Instantly, there is a large crash as the windows in the room blow open, extinguishing the candle. The others scream]

REESE: O-kay, this was fun and all, but I think I’m done.

SLOANE: Seconded.

LOGAN: Yeah, no objections here.

NADIYA: Fine. Just make sure you all close out the session properly, alright?

[The others nod. One by one, each student uses the planchette to spell ‘GOODBYE’ as they say it, closing out the session. As they do so, DESDEMONA silently enters the stage, standing directly in NADIYA’s line of vision.]

NADIYA [Opening her eyes]: Good-

[NADIYA locks eyes with DESDEMONA and stops dead. The others don’t realize and remove their hands from the planchette, leaving NADIYA playing alone. NADIYA hastily takes her hands from the planchette]

NADIYA: Do you see that?

SLOANE: What?

NADIYA: That! There’s someone over there!

[The others turn to look but see nothing. After a beat, they break out laughing]

REESE: Good one, Nadiya, you really had us going there!

NADIYA: What?

REESE: The door, the wind, “seeing” something - that was a killer prank!

NADIYA: What?

SLOANE: Prank or not, I really don’t like the vibe of this place. It feels weird. Can we go?

LOGAN: Yeah, let’s.

[SLOANE, LOGAN, and REESE exit, leaving NADIYA and DESDEMONA still staring at one another. Not breaking eye contact, NADIYA backs away, then turns and bolts from the room. Blackout]

[dontshootmespence]

Boss Lady Love

A/N: An anon request for a JJ x Reader where the reader is the new unit chief (brought in from outside the team) and she and JJ are in a relationship but the team doesn’t know. During the reader’s first week, the team gets to know her and the topic of her being in a relationship comes up. 

                                                              ----

“JJ, we’ve been dating for a year...a year. Don’t you think it’s about time that your team know that we’re dating?” 

If you had your way, you would’ve been screaming for all the world to hear that you were in love with the beautiful, talented and strong Jennifer Jareau about three months into your relationship, but given the nature of profilers, she wanted to keep you relationship a secret as long as possible. “I know!” She whined. “It’s just been so nice not to have any of the questions that I know we’re gonna get flooded with when I introduce you.”

There was a little issue with that though. “JJ, I’m gonna be your new Unit Chief...they’re gonna know me. I already told Cruz about our relationship for transparency’s sake. Shouldn’t we do the same with the team?” 

JJ pouted, her childlike brattiness making you giggle. She was cute when she was playing at being angry. “Can we give it like a week? Let you get acclimated to the team and Unit Chief duties first?” Her eyes pleaded with you, and her cheesy grin made you cave. 

“It’s a good thing you’re cute,” you replied, leaning in to peck her cheek. “Okay, but we need to tell them sooner rather than later. Plus, I’m tired of hiding us. I kind of love you a lot and I want everyone to know.”

JJ couldn’t help but smile and lean her head against yours. “Keep saying things like that and I’ll run down the streets screaming about us right now.”

                                                             ----

After many years with the Bureau in Counterterrorism, you had been desperate for a new job, one that was slightly less strenuous but no less important, which is why you were so grateful when Section Chief Mateo Cruz agreed you’d be a great fit for the BAU after Aaron Hotchner’s leave. 

Though many members of the team were more than capable of taking on the role, they’d been through a lot over the past few years and none of them wanted to take on the bureaucratic bullshit - you however - that happened to be your specialty. You didn’t put up with bullshit, and you could cut through the red tape with the best of them. 

Despite all your capabilities, you were still nervous about your first day, but thankfully it went off without a hitch. After introducing yourself, you sent them off on their first case without much more than a word. “You don’t want to check up on us or anything?” Morgan laughed nervously.

“Section Chief Cruz has already briefed me on your team’s capabilities, so I figure I’ll live by the same thing he said - if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Morgan breathed a sigh of relief. You were aware that before her death, Chief Strauss had been somewhat of a hoverer, only backing off slightly after tackling her alcoholism. As long as they were doing what they needed to do and basically staying inside of protocol, that was what mattered to you. 

A week later, they all returned from the case and asked if everyone wanted to go out to dinner, you included, so you could get to know the team. With a sly smile and barely perceptible wink in JJ’s direction, you agreed. Though you’d heard about them all through your girlfriend, it would be nice to do it in person.

“Okay,” Emily said as you all gathered in the elevator to make your way down to the car garage. “Give us some background. Who is Y/N Y/L/N?”

You chuckled to yourself and hopped into the SUV. “Do you want the boring job experience and educational resume type background or the fun, stupid stuff like my favorite color, TV shows, movies, all that?”

“Both!” Garcia called from the back where she was practically sitting in Derek’s lap. 

“Well, I graduated from Duke University as valedictorian a little over a decade ago, and have been working here for counterterrorism ever since. My favorite color is green. Like crayon green. That’s the best kind. My guilty pleasure show as a kid was Power Rangers, and I do in fact have pictures of myself dressed up as the pink ranger, and some of my favorite shows now are Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad. I’m also a slut for superhero movies, and really just any kind of well-done movie. Also Thai food is king, so it’s a good thing that’s where we’re going.”

That was enough to get them to say you were cool with them, which was funny because you couldn’t help but wonder if they would feel the same way when they found out you were dating JJ. “Do you like horror movies?” Garcia asked.

“No, I’m a chicken shit.”

“Yay! I have someone to hang out with when everyone else goes to a horror movie.” Some old ones, you could watch, but anything that tried to jump scare you was straight out the window. You had enough bullshit to deal with at work. Why would you put yourself through that in a theater, which was supposed to be your means of escape? “Oh, thank the gods, food!”

As you all filed out of the SUV and into the restaurant, you were flooded with questions about your family life, your college years, and the like, but ironically enough not who you were dating. You couldn’t help but wonder if, as profilers, they were already aware of your relationship with JJ and were purposely steering clear of the question. Once your orders were placed, the inevitable question finally came through. “Alright, real talk,” Garcia laughed, spearing a piece of asparagus onto her fork, “Is our new leader seeing anyone special? Do we have anyone special we should meet? Vet for you?”

This was the moment. Both you and JJ knew this would come once you started as Unit Chief, so you were ready to make everything clear. “Actually yes, but I don’t think you need to vet them for me,” you laughed, squeezing JJ’s hand underneath the table. 

Something about JJ’s face must have given you away, because Spencer immediately called it. “Wait...you’re seeing JJ?!” Instead of being taken aback by the fact that one of his best friends hadn’t told him something this important, he was happy for you.

Garcia started freaking out, as did Emily and Morgan, though much more understated, while Tara and Rossi just offered their congratulations. “To be clear, at work, this will not be known. No kissing at work.” Smiling at JJ, you leaned in to press a kiss to her lips. “Here though, I don’t care.”

“How long have you been seeing each other?” Garcia continued. 

“A year,” you said simultaneously.

Garcia’s mouth dropped open. She could’ve caught flies. “Seriously?!” This dinner was going to be fun.

@coveofmemories @jamiemelyn @sexualemobitch @unstoppableangel8 @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @lukeassmanalvez @rmmalta @yoinkpeter @the-slytherin-ice-queen @marvelfanlife @amarislestrange @obsessed5sosfreak @sonhadoraativa @1enchantedfantasy1 @ace-and-rosey @tarciau @twelveyearoldchildprodigy @offbrandcursewords @entelechysymphony @milkandcookies528 @pugs-cats-bb-8 @davidr0ssi @sarahkay-19 

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 17 Extravapalooza

Well, here we are at the end of the most unique NFL season in memory. Was it the smartest idea in the world to stage an entire professional football season in the midst of a rampaging viral pandemic? No, it really wasn’t. But, somehow, the NFL managed to make it through the year without any outright disasters (sorry Broncos, having to start a practice squad WR at QB doesn’t really count), and they did it through the tried and true combination of blind luck and pure willful ignorance. Yay, I guess? I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t appreciate having games to watch, but the whole enterprise was downright impressive in its blatant disregard for common sense and social responsibility. That’s why it’s America’s game!

There’s still a fair amount of playoff-positioning to hash out this week, which always lends a nice bit of urgency to some of the proceedings. I’m far too lazy to go into those particular weeds myself, so I’ll just link you to someone else’s work if you want to study up on the various scenarios in play.

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Baltimore Ravens (-14) at Cincinnati Bengals

If the Ravens win, they’re in the playoffs. The Bengals don’t have the horses to offer much resistance against a supremely motivated Ravens team. I will say that the most entertaining turn of events for someone with no dog in the fight would be for Baltimore to somehow lose this game, for the Browns to win, and for Ravens fans to have to sweat the result of the Colts/Jags game to see if they make the playoffs. Friend of the blog Fryan Turd would likely suffer a half-dozen heart attacks in this scenario.

Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills (-2)

I have no idea how important clinching the #2 seed in the AFC is to Buffalo, and if it’s not a big deal to them they may rest some guys for all or some of this game. The Dolphins will remain feisty to the very end, of that I’m certain.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Cleveland Browns (-9)

The Steelers are sitting a whole bunch of guys and the Browns are in the playoffs with a win. I will say that losing this game to Mason Rudolph and subsequently missing the postseason would be an incredibly Brownsy thing to do. 

Minnesota Vikings (-4) at Detroit Lions

Despite having nothing to play for and no reason to risk further punishment, Matthew Stafford is suiting up for this one. Dare I say that Stafford is...A GAMER? I do dare say it. I hope he whips ass and the Lions win in what could be his last home game in Detroit. I would sacrifice one of my siblings to get Stafford onto the Patriots this offseason, and also to get a larger share of my family estate.

New York Jets at New England Patriots (-3)

Oh man, this is not going to be a fun game to watch AT ALL. Sullen Bill Belichick, Broken Down Cam Newton, Traumatized Sam Darnold, Dead Man Walking Adam Gase--this game has way too many depressing ingredients, to say nothing of the very-likely-to-be atrocious quality of play. Let’s just move on.

Dallas Cowboys (-1.5) at New York Giants

This is essentially a playoff game, as each of these teams needs to win (and for Washington to lose) in order to clinch the shittiest division of all time. I’m taking Dallas here because they’ve been rolling in recent weeks and Daniel Jones isn’t close to 100% healthy, but what I want most is for the Giants to win, the Football Team to lose, and for us to get the hilarious spectacle of a 6-10 playoff team.

Atlanta Falcons at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-7)

I’ve ridden with the Falcons all season, why stop now? 

[looks at season record] 

Okay, that might be a good reason to stop. BUT I AIN’T GONNA!

Hey, do you think Matt Ryan could end up on New England? He went to Boston College, right? What have I become, coveting other teams’ used goods? This is no way to live.

LATE GAMES

Green Bay Packers (-4) at Chicago Bears

I’m greatly enjoying the Trubiskaissance. The Bears making the playoffs would make for some tremendous restlessness and conflicting emotions among Bears fans, as a strong showing would likely mean that Mitchell and Matt Nagy will run it back next season. This would entertain me as a man who isn’t a Bears fan. 

Las Vegas Raiders (-2.5) at Denver Broncos

I truly have no opinions or thoughts on this particular contest. Oh wait, here’s one: fuck the Raiders for ruining so many of my picks. Here’s another: Do you think New England could trade for Derek Carr? HELP.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianapolis Colts (-14)

The Jags are quite possibly the most ready-to-start-their-vacation team in the league, and the Colts need to win this game to make the postseason. I’m bummed about how things turned out for my man Gardner Minshew this season in Jacksonville. I hope he’s able to continue his career with a franchise who appreciates his comedic potential more fully. You know who would love him? Famous mirth-merchant William Belichick.

Los Angeles Chargers (-4.5) at Kansas City Chiefs

Tremendous opportunity for Justin Herbert to pad his already fantastic rookie-year numbers against the K.C. JV team. The thing that makes me the most nervous about this pick is the possibility that Chargers Head Coach Anthony Lynn knows that this is his last game, and as a result will make sure to unveil his most breathtaking piece of clock-mismanagement performance art yet.

Arizona Cardinals (-3) at Los Angeles Rams

I can’t in good conscience get behind a team that intends to start John Wolford at QB, no matter how awesome their defense is. Then again, maybe if Sean McVay basically controls his movements Ratatouille-style the way he does with Jared Goff, he’ll be okay. If Arizona loses and misses the playoffs, Coach Handsome might experience the quickest progression of “This Guy Has No Idea What He’s Doing” to “This Guy Is A Genius Who Is Changing the Way Football Is Played” and back to “This Guy Is a Dipshit” of any coach I can remember.

Seattle Seahawks (-6.5) at San Francisco 49ers

The Seahawks continued there whole “now the defense is good, but the offense is kind of blah” thing last week in a 20-9 win over the Rams, and I see no reason to think things will change. The Niners finally got All-Pro TE George Kittle back from injury, but then immediately lost studly rookie WR Brandon Aiyuk. The injury gods have really had it in for them this season. Despite the brutal injury luck, San Fran has remained competitive all season, and I say they keep this one within a TD.

New Orleans Saints (-6) at Carolina Panthers

The Saints won’t have RBs Alvin Kamara, Latavius Murray, Dwayne Washington, or their fullback Michael Burton. They’ll also be without WR Michael Thomas once again. If I were Saints Head Coach Sean Payton, I’d start Taysom Hill at QB for this game so that he can use his legs to augment the severely diminished run-game, and also to give Drew Brees’ ribs more time to heal. I’d also be an insufferable dickhead. Well, more of one. Okay, I’d be the same, I’d just be addicted to pain pills. More addicted, I mean. I’m Sean Payton.

Tennessee Titans (-7) at Houston Texans

DeShaun Watson has been absurdly good this season, despite the total shitshow around him. He leads the league in Yards Per Attempt while also being third in the league in Completion Percentage at 70.1%. He’s not dinking and dunking his way to his eye-popping numbers. You’d think having a franchise QB in place would make this a primo job opening for potential head coaching candidates, but between the lack of high-end future draft picks and general ownership/executive ineptitude, it’s gotta give a desirable candidate pause. Yikes. Clearly, Houston should trade DeShaun Watson to New England. 

SNF: Washington Football Team (-3.5) at Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles have nothing to play for and a bunch of key players are skipping tonight’s game. Among them are TE Dallas Goedert and RB Miles Sanders, which is going to make things extra tough for QB Jalen Hurts against Washington’s exceptionally nasty defense. The Football Team also has major injury questions, as QB Alex Smith, RB Antonio Gibson, and WR Terry McLaurin are all listed as Questionable. As of this writing, it looks like all three of them are going to play, but I have no clue how effective they’ll be. All of this uncertainty does not make for confident betting, imo.

Last Week’s Record: 4-7-1

Season Record: 99-112-8

[growingrootsinco]

My Timeline

This exercise is designed to help pick the patterns in my behavior. Along the way I'm sure I will find other uses for it. First, a few reminders. DO NOT go back and edit. DO NOT beat around the bush. Accuracy is key.

2011

Working retail. In a relationship that is mind numbing. Brand new at this and dont have much to report. Not even sure what to write here.

2012

Fighting feelings of guilt. He's finally been put behind bars. I think I may need counseling.

Feeling guilty. Wanna kill myself.

2013

Fired from job. On unemployment. Still in BS relationship. Not sure this timeline is panning out to be what I thought it would.

New a new start. Signed up for college classes. Dental Assisting. Not something I would have thought I would choose. Worth a try.

School is turning out to be fun. Trouble paying but dad is helping. Gave me a car to get into San Antonio. I can feel the stress subsiding. Step grandfather passed. No emotion for someone who was such a prick towards the end of his life.

Christmas was a disaster. So many snobby family members.

2014

Ok. I think I'm getting this timeline thing. Hard to not go back and change it though.

Enjoying school. Especially clinicals. Will start my hours soon the graduate.

Relationship is okay now that he stays gone all week. I think I hate him.

Hours in my clinicals are rough with no pay. Got a job at a little cafe about 20 hours a week. Love my boss and his wife.

Clinicals FINALLY done. Job searching time.

OMFG clinical hours do not count as experience therefore no experience equals no job. wtf.

FML still no fucking chances anywhere. Suicidal thoughts.

Mom flipped the fuck out as usual. Took the boyfriends side because she was wrong. Would have rather him have gone. Getting tired of both of them anyway.

Time to hold it down on my own. His health is bad. Which makes me feel bad for wanting him gone. I think I have checked out emotionally. Or never checked in.

2015

Finally got my foot in the door at an office. Found someone I can learn everything from. She's awesome. The doctor is a douche but I can deal. Besides what man isnt a douche?

Theres something wrong with this office. So many people being secretive and my office manager is a total bitch. A "mean girl".

Gotta stop reading over this everytime I come in here. I want to change it!

Ok my 6 months is up for experience, time to look for another office. My mentor flaked and left. On my own.

Put in 2 week notice only to have my pay raised and promoted to office manager. Do I really want to sit behind a desk instead of working on patients?

Still in dead end relationship. Still hate him. Suicidal thoughts.

I think I'm getting this timeline down. Starting to see my patterns already. Even if I dont write them in here. How to fix them?

Easy holidays without family. Spent them with friends in Bastrop. Relief!

2015

Still working in the same office for more pay. Found out why everyone is so secretive. Doctor is a mess. In debt up to his eyeballs, no longer getting paid on time, misappropriated funds on a regular basis, has no business sense what so ever, deals with shady people, I doubt his abilities due to MANY pissed off patients, holy shit, the list goes on. Back to the drawing board for a new job.

2 surgeries almost back to back. I'm falling apart. Suicidal thoughts.

Well fuck. Jobs are everywhere but pay is a bitch. Nothing matches it. Cant quit here if I cant sustain my living situation.

BS relationship has finally taken its toll. Verdict is in. I hate his guts. Tired of doing everything myself. Spends all his time on the computer chating with girls. What do I care? Maybe one of them will take him in. Why do I want to strangle him in his sleep?

2016

Got a new house but still not happy.

Tried out a new office but it's not the same. I think I got use to the chaos. Alot of blood sweat and tears have gone into that office. Went back.

Doctor has hired an overpriced nanny. This bitch is gonna drive me to drinking. I've been replaced. Good thing or bad thing?

Starting to understand my emotions. Realizing my family is the root of my issues in life. Now I'm becoming content with no contact. Just have to figure out this BS relationship.

On my birthday, I think I found my SM. Talking on a regular basis. And finally figured out what to do about BS relationship.

2017

Missed a bunch of time on this so I'm writing it in 2019 and trying to write as I would have in that time and frame of mind. Using things from other posts to help write this.

New home again but cant afford it without help. Took on roommate. She's awesome.

Hanging with Boozefighters next door is a really good time.

Fired from job for insubordination. What a bitch!

Depression setting in. I want out of this town. Suicidal thoughts.

Dad is helping me move back to hometown and can already tell I was right about my family. My daughter is pissed!

Trying to find comfort in family but wanting more than anything for SM to give in.

First job back in retail because dental pay is BS.

Things with SM are rocky. A couple of jail stays and lots of drinking. Having trouble keeping my head on straight and leaning back on emotions instead of thinking logical.

SM busted! Now what? Something always sets me back. Wtf? What is so wrong with my choices in life?

Got a place together. More drinking...... and some fighting......... and court........

Realized I went off the reservation due to my feelings for him. Haven't thought logical in some time.

These feelings have to be real. Cant fight them. But emotions are unreliable.

More turmoil with family. Trying to reconcile with mother. Didnt got well. Fuck it!

2018

Lost car at Christmas and finding it hard to hold onto my job. Feeling depressed again. Suicidal thoughts.

Only thing I'm sure of are my feelings for SM. He's got me and now I'm scared of what I may do for him.

Job is suffering so transfer and begin walking to work.

Realizing the hold SM has on me and it's dangerous. Is it healthy to be this attached? Should I distance myself? HELL NO

Bought a new car. But now I need a new job and SM is leaving me to serve time.

Moved in with grandmother when SM goes into serve time. I'm slipping again. More depression and anxieties are back.

New job is overnights and not sleeping like I need to. I want him home! Job isnt going well from depression and 2 hospital visits for sleep deprivation and malnutrition. Job is too demanding and anger creeping up.

Transfer to different department hoping it helps but instead get hours cut.

Weekend drives to unit for visits that never seem to last long enough. Cant touch him like I need to, like i want to.

Dont want to do a fucking thing if he cant be with me. Cancelled on so many things with friends. Is this what my life has come to?

Searching for a new job. Wtf is wrong with this town. Part time only and everyone is short staffed.

Cant pay bills at my grandmothers. 500 dollar electric bill. Fuck this!

I'm cracking..... had an emotional breakdown and unsure of how to hold myself together.

Hanging with people I know I shouldnt and offered a chance at Colorado. Do I take it?

Got another part time overnight. What the hell am I doing killing myself like this? Fuck this town and fuck this whole goddamn state!

Took the Colorado offer but I know he will have issues with it. How to handle it? It's where he wants to be but doubt we would make it there by his hand.

Packed up, missed a visit. He's going to go ape shit! Daughter is more excited then I am because I cried all the way here. Why does it feel wrong at the same time?

Well I was right. He went ape shit.

Colorado is a culture shock but I can feel myself calming. Driving the amish all over is peaceful and informative. But hurting for money. Place we are staying in is run down and not fit for habiting.

SM sent a letter. If I dont go back, its over. I guess it's over. I dont have the money to go back. Hold onto hope that he will be here when he gets out anyway.

Got a job with the county that's going well. I now understand what I have to do to complete my main goal. (Main goal is in another post.)

Opened the guitar up to stare at it and cry all day. Wth............

Christmas was rough. Still on the fence about my decision to come here even though most of the time I'm at peace with the views here.

2019

Person I came with is expressing feelings towards me. Not feeling it.

Working 2 part time jobs so I can stop driving the amish but tired of the travel with one job.

Got a place in Romeo. Its decent but I've been ripped off. This asshole needs to be shot. Speaking of being shot. I'm being threatened and I have 2 gunshots in my house.

Rightful owner let me buy it from her. Ok I can do this. Now to do something about the asshole who ripped me off. The fucker lives right across the street.

Against my better judgement J moves in. I think I need protection. Bought a gun. Bad idea. J is a felon. He's not here alot but appearance is what matters. Wtf. I guess I'm back to using people again.

Turns out we make a good team. Accomplishing quite a bit to achieve my main goal. I still dont feel like he does but I'm getting shit done.

Bought a trailer house, 2 parcels of land, a boat, 2 cars and a camper trailer. Way to go!!!

What the hell did I just do? I just made things way more complicated and started something I have no intentions of finishing. Heart breaking again.

Fighting, fighting, fighting. I finally understand how SM felt about me in the beginning. Suicidal thoughts.

My daughter is settling in nicely. Started a three some relationship and taking after my mother. Lol Now she's met a guy and starting to find herself.

My daughter turned 18! Holy shit I'm old............

SM is in a halfway house......... he didnt sound happy and I think my heart is breaking again. J is flipping out on me again over SM. Pressure is on. Dont slip again. Stay focused.

Yay! for phone time! Again confirming my emotions are real this time.

My daughter graduated. Yup, I'm still old. And getting older by the minute.

Went to Midland to clear up the storage unit. Fuck! It's all gone. Destroyed! All his stuff is gone. I've gotta replace it all.

Ok home ownership sucks! Everything breaks and has to be fixed........ twice!

Cleared my head. For once........

Divorce is final. 16 years and now back in contact with my son. Feeling complete.

Job is going great.

In negotiations on another home and a restaurant.

Joined 2 community boards and Search & Rescue.

Talk therapy helped me come to a conclusion. Time to let go of SM.

Married J. Did I do whats best for my future?

This time around, marriage has proved to be easier than the first. Im all in but fearful of not knowing what the future holds.

Notes

Fill in above the notes as you go. Remember. Dont edit or erase. Dont fucking touch it other than adding. Calling yourself out only works when the truth is written down. Yes they will change consistently. Find your patterns. Truth means sensitive information so dont let anyone read it unless you are ready for anger. If you happen to mentor someone in the future, that might not be a good idea! And pay attention during depression spells. Ever emotion counts.

Had the best holidays ever. Real trees are a mess though.

2020

Finally got full time with benefits at the County

Set up my retirement and 401. This is what I have wanted my entire life. And life insurance!

Pandemic approaching.

Lockdown! Sent home for 2 months with pay.

Took up arts and crafts and gardening to pass the time.

Stimulus check. Bought my daughter a car.

Lots of facetime with my son!

Back to work. So many restrictions.

COVID cases are declining.

County in trouble financially. How much longer will I have a job?

Paid of the house! After a court battle from attempting to rip us off. Again........

Gained another family member.

Going back on lockdown with pay again.

[weirdlywisely]

Yearly recap : 2017

I’ve done that the past two years and idk i think it’s good to do it and i like doing it anyway so here is my thoughts abt my 2017

So many things happened tbh idk if i’d say 2017 was a good year objectively, but it wasn’t that bad of a year for me

so ! i noticed i didn’t mention it at all but this year has been both really hard but also really good 

really good bc I finally moved out ! I’ve been living with my best friend officially since July but really since the end of August and I couldn’t be better ! 

i love my family i really do... but we’ve been at each other’s throat for like more than a year... if it’s not me and my parents, it’s me and my brother, or it’s my brother and my parents, or my brother and my sister... it’s very tiring... im tired of fighting with them... I really am... but im better since i moved out and see them less! i will have to move back in for summer bc im leaving Toulouse normally but it’ll be good i think

but i should do smthg in a more organized manner hahaha 

January was... plain bad... I was still in my double degree thing that exhausted me so much ! and i failed one of my final badly so i was really feeling awful (got my degree in the end thanks retakes) but i got back on my feet ! january was also bad bc i applied for an abroad exchange but was refused pretty harshly. if im being honest that hurt a lot... i may have cried bc i didn’t know what to do if i couldn’t go abroad and get away... but i got back on my feet and i was more or less okay!

I met two wonderful online friends for real this year ! and let me tell you IT WAS AWESOME ! took out quite a chunk of my savings but it was totally worth it ! but with all the money i spent on travels these two years im probably not going anywhere by myself in 2018 hahaha 

I met Mathilde in February and went to the eastern part of France, where i never went tbh it was a really fun week ! idk how long we had known each other but it was a loooooooong time hahaha 

I also met Lark in May! we took a little roadtrip in the US it was super fun hahaha i never went to these parts of the US so it was super cool to see ! could have done without the “guns make sense” signs... those were awful and didn’t actually make sense but ‘murica my guy

in the end got my English degree (look who has a valid college diploma !) and got my DEUG with an AB (ITS NOT EVEN WRITTEN ON THE DIPLOMA IM SALTY I WANT MY MENTION !!)

I am honestly focusing on the good bc the first half was hard but the second half of 2017 was better, and seeing friends i hold dear was just sooooo good and such an highlight of my year ! 

i went to Peru with my family for the summer it was super cool ! i met such great people and it was so interesting ! as you know my spanish just sucks but i have the best spanish in my family so i talked quite a bit and it was very fun hahaha there’s one thing im so angry about ! i was sick, like very sick for three days... Which three days ? the ones we did the Machu Picchu ... so i still went up but sat down on a bench at the entrance bc i couldn’t walk without wanting to puke... Fun story, the first day we had to do the famous hike to get to the Machu Picchu with guides and all but i was feeling so badly i couldn’t do it so i took the train all the way to the town and i was told someone would tell me where my hotel was... the guy didn’t... so i went out of the train station, feeling half dizzy half wanting to cry, i saw a guy on a bridge and asked him in spanish if he knew where my hotel was... he seemed all confused so i asked in english and one of his friend arrived and tried to help me with google maps but sent me on the wrong way hahaha so i walked a bit but felt so sick i wanted to cry so i sat down and a few minutes after i saw two guys who seemed to know where things were, so i asked them in spanish if they knew where my hotel was, and they said they knew and i asked if they could tell me, and they were like “oh no we’re leading you there” and like they did and one of the guy tried to speak with me but i was feeling so bad my head was spinning and i couldn’t understand half of it bc it was too fast and i apologized bc of that and then i thanked them so much bc that was so nice and i just spent the rest of the day sleeping bc i was dying inside!  it was such an experience hahaha also before that i went up 4910m ! and man that is high ! you can feel the lack of oxygen ! i loved it it was soooo cool ! 

if there’s one thing i know, it’s that traveling and experiencing new things is something i love ! it’s like the one thing that doesn’t fail to cheer me up soooooo

this year has been very good to me but also very bad... my lows have been pretty awful but i think i managed to open up abt it and get better. i mean im still not fully okay but i’m recovering pretty well, i mean ive never been that bad so it’s pretty okay.. like yeah there are still moment when i want to die or stop existing, and you know some thoughts aren’t the best... but im hopeful for the future so there’s that !

i mean, i didn’t think i could get my english degree bc i hated it so much it basically made three years of my life hell bc i just couldn’t stand it but i did it ! i thought i wouldn’t ever be able to let go of the “fake your confidence” thing but i feel like it’s less fake ?? im better with myself and im starting to actually like myself a little ? bc im trying to become a better person, im trying to become more compassionate and more helpful bc i am trying to better myself 

is anxiety still fucking up my life ? yeah it is, but guess what ? i can do it! what my brain is telling me is wrong ! i can do it, people aren’t laughing at me, i’m not making a fool out of myself ! and if i can’t do it ? i have a great best friend who knows that i sometimes cna’t do things and is willing to help and that is just so helpful ??? i sometime worry that i rely too much on her, but actually i trust her to tell me if im bothersome or whatever so it’s great ! 

honestly, i am hopeful for the future it’s so strange ?? i didn’t think i could have so many things i want to do ??? like i know what i want to do with my life ! i am stressing over which masters i want to apply to and creating so many other plans in case im not accepted ?? i want to travel the world ! meet new people ! see new things ! learn more ! 

it’s honestly crazy.. four years ago ? I was almost certain i wouldn’t be alive at 20, and now ? im 21 and im getting my life back on track ! 

another pretty big thing for me was that i cut my hair ! i had cut it all off very short back in may or june 2014 and two months ago i cut it all off at around the middle of my neck and it’s been soooo liberating ! im gonna cut it back shorter bc it’s way too long but wow! 

i feel like i am actually growing as a person ??? idk the me from last year and the me from this year, we’re not the same ! im getting better ! 

tbh 2017 was a train wreck i mean im still a train wreck but a train wreck who wants to get better sooooooo ! 

2017 was hard, but seeing friends and traveling helped a lot, i think those few days away from home helped so much, and just moving out it was just great ! don’t get me wrong i had very bad breakdowns while living at my flat but i didn’t have to call my best friend crying bc we were fighting with my parents sooooo yeah

lots of negative this year, not gonna lie, but ! like the idealist fuck i am i am hoping that 2018 will be better ! i mean i have so much planned ! im not gonna let anything set me back ! fuck it !

also i got a job this year ! i tutor people in english so it’s pretty good and it gives me experience ! my résumé isn’t empty anymore yay !

also im better at standing up for myself so it’s good ! i can finally just say what i think, not fully but more than before !

So basically in 2018 i want to try and improve on myself more ! i want to be proud to be myself soooooo 

i’ll try to talk to more people on here i think bc i really want to talk to people and i just am super shy but idk i want to talk to people and have more friends so why the fuck not hahahha 

i’ll also probably confess to my crush... tho i hate that i have a crush on him bc he’s a friend and all but idk i feel like it’s either to move on once it’s out soooooo 

i also want to learn how to dance bc i have way too fucking much energy and idk i don’t want to start any combat sport and i really want to learn how to dance even tho i am as graceful as a drunk hippopotamus hahaha

and finally i want to seriously get back intro writing and drawing ! it has been hard last year bc so many fucking classes and pressure but idk im motivated ! tho i always say that hahahha 

in conclusion, just be kind to yourself in 2018 ! you’re improving but it takes time ! i really hope i can look back on 2018 and be like “yeah i did it, im proud of who i am and where i am” 

[butchstolemysweetroll]

Tagged by @saxrohmerwon ages ago on my brief other blog and just noticed it, thanks bruh ily <3

Rules:  Always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, then write 10 questions of your own, and tag some friends!

1. Favorite city (or town/small island/et cetera) in the world and why?

I guess it’d be Avalon. I basically spent every summer of my life there with family and it’s really small (only seven miles long) so you wind up going to the same few ice cream places or antique stores or pizza shops all the time but you never really get bored of it. The whole place has a quiet, old-timey shore town nostalgia to it too that’s super sweet. And like some of my all time favorite memories were staying on the beach until sunset when the lifeguards were gone so we could swim wherever we wanted, or climbing on the outfall pipe and walking to see how far out I was brave enough to go (it got “higher” ((read: the sand started to disappear)) the further out over the water you went), or walking on the beach at night. That was my favorite part, the nighttime. It’s weird how quiet but how alive everything got after dark, and I could hunt for ghost crabs or watch fireworks and the lights from town on the water, and the sand never bothered me as much when it was cool from the dark.

2. Describe your favorite scent/s.

Autumn, if that counts as a smell. But the combined scent of really brisk air and smoky burning leaves and fresh damp ones and hay and I guess plant life generally decaying, but in a sweet way? I also like flower smells obviously, and food smells, but those are boring to talk about. Gasoline, the specific kind of fake (cotton) paper money is printed on. Coffee. I’ve learned to kind of like the smell of cigarettes on clothes, because my boyfriend smokes and I like waking up in the sweater I wore the night before with that smell still on it. People have smells too. Like my mom smells like perfume even when she isn’t wearing any, and it’s nice. And babies smell rad and trigger ALL of my maternal impulses (cannot wait to reproduce, it’s gonna be gr8). And the boy smells really nice... Not even in like a what-deodorant-are-you-wearing kind of way but like skin and sweat and waking up warm in a cold house on Wednesday mornings. And when he comes home from work smelling like fresh cut grass and wet dirt it’s v nice.

3. Who is/was your favorite teacher and why?

My Romantic Lit professor currently, because he teaches exactly what I want to teach and I have a career crush on him. He’s also just super excitable and enthusiastic (let’s talk about that WEIRD weekend in Geneva the Shelleys took guys! Blake was an EDGELORD!) which I love.

I also had a professor at my old school who was super cool and helped me through a lot of shit? I took her personal essay class right as I was sort of in recovery for depression following a terrible, low key emotionally unhealthy (abusive? I still don’t know if I can use that word? Either way, OVER-SHARING YAY) romantic relationship and I explored that and a lot of other stuff pertaining to my childhood and relationships and discovering my queerness in my work for her class, and she was super supportive and involved in helping me experiment with new formats and really use writing as a therapeutic tool and it helped me heal a lot. She was also just a super cool lady (lots of tattoos and wispy blonde hair and a quiet voice, kind of a hipster fairy) who hung out with me at a local music festival in town when I was like fresh out of the hospital and having trouble being around my normal friends. She just always made sure her door was open and went out of her way to make me feel better, and to this day I appreciate that.

4. What is your favorite poem?  (Substitute with “song” if you don’t have a favorite poem.)

Oh my GOD, don’t make me choose. I’m obsessed with the Romantics and a few contemporaries have my heart, but I guess I’d have to say “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost. It’s just beautiful and hopeful and simple enough that tiny me could fall in love with it and appreciate it almost in its fullness when I was too young to grasp other works.

5. Weirdest thing you’ve ever heard out-of-context?

Ever? I don’t tend to remember stuff like that for a long time unless I’d like hypothetically overheard a murder or something, but last night some girl was walking back from our student center with her friends and angrily shouted that she wanted to “put her dong through a snare drum” which made me laugh.

6. Best concert experience?  (If you have never been to a concert, what do you hope your first concert will be?)

Still gotta say Green Day after just turning 15 years old. I’d never been to a concert before and they were my favorite band at the time. I was so proud to be there because I had 0 dollars to my name and no one would hire me because I was underage, so I had to earn every penny for those tickets doing gross menial work like removing and scrubbing window frames that hadn’t seen soap in maybe a decade (SO MANY SPIDERS), and teeny bopper me thought that was 'punk.’ And at one point Billie Joe Armstrong, who my pathetic little emo self wanted to MARRY told the audience he was proud of everyone who’d worked their ass off to afford to come see them play and I remember turning to my dad and screaming “HE MEANS ME!” It was so wholesome.

7. Favorite holiday (or other special occasion) and why?

Christmas! My house was THE Christmas house growing up. My parents put so much effort into it and it was the cutest thing. Besides the outrageous amount of decorations and the amazing food that takes all week to make and the cute tradition of having my grandparents spend the night to watch us open presents first thing in the morning, the best part of Christmas growing up was definitely the effort my family put into making us kids believe Santa was real for way longer than necessary. One year my uncle got a flashlight and a red solo up and climbed trees in our yard so we’d see “Rudolph’s nose” if we looked out the window. We put out reindeer food every year. My dad would stomp around shaking jingle bells and someone always climbed on the roof making noise, and my mom knew calligraphy, so she’d write us scrolls from Santa on legit parchment and toast it in the oven so it would curl. One year we had an old, old family friend who was a Santa impersonator show up with a legit sleigh and a giant book with all the family member’s names and the years they were naughty and nice in it and stories about why and it was so cute. So whereas most kids found out around like 8 my parents went to extreme lengths so that I believed it until I was like 11 and honestly, I’m really glad they did, because it was a kick ass childhood. I definitely want to be that level of extra when I become a parent.

8. Did you ever play an instrument growing up?  If so, how did it go for you?

Guitar, bass, after I learned guitar I could play pretty much anything pluckable with strings, so I had a Romanian lap harp (I was such a cool kid) and I would sometimes play my sister’s viola (often incorrectly and like a guitar, but it was fun to sample when I recorded stuff). I haven’t sang or touched an instrument in like seven years though. I kind of gave up after sad life stuff happened but I want to pick it back up again. I really miss music.

9. If you were given $100 today, what would you do with the money?

Use it toward Christmas presents for loved ones. Since I’m basically not allowed out of the house after I go home for break I have to do Christmas early with the friends and boyfriend.

10. What’s the scariest movie you have ever seen?  (Define scary however you like.)

I love scary movies so this is hard, but I guess anything in which children are genuinely evil? Like not even in a supernatural way; it’s not horror but watching We Need To Talk About Kevin fucked me up. I guess being a mom is like so much something that I want, and imagining that happening would def keep me up at night. Especially because I would not know what to do.

Now, for questions:

1. What’s your favorite article of clothing?

Dresses but also plain black leggings. And I have very soft sweatpants that fit just right.

2. Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal?

Nope. I can’t sleep with the live one either lol, Bynx likes to sleep RIGHT where I want to roll over and screams and puts his paws in my mouth when he wants attention.

3. Do you believe in heaven? Hell?

Both, Catholic.

4. Do you listen to podcasts? What are your favorite ones?

Not really, but I’d like to, in theory. It just seems like more effort somehow than watching TV and I am always tired.

5. What was your go-to game during recess?

Four square.

6. Where do you see yourself in the next ten years– not in a job interview kind of way, but actually?

Awwww this is cute to think about. I guess I’d like to be living in like a really woodland but not isolating place, somewhere where my house can be on a lake or by woods or mountains but if I drive ten minutes there’s a cozy-sized town with all I need. Maybe in like Virginia or Vermont. I’m a professor of Gothic Literature at the local college, and my students are engaged and inspiring and call me by my first name. I’m in a pretty and not-too-big house, but it’s warm and smells like our fireplace. I’m married to my lovely guy, and both our jobs are flexible enough that we can have dinner as a family and spend time with our brood of kids. And they pay well enough that we might not be wealthy but we never have to worry. The cat’s still with us and we’ve got a dog, too. We go on camping trips and The Lumberjack teaches the kids how to build fires and tie knots and dad stuff like that. One of the kids at least loves reading and the house is full of books - I’ve got a home office full of bookshelves and a reading nook. We’ve got a porch where we can bundle up and drink wine in the evening after the kids are in bed. We’re not rich but not poor, and our families get along and come to visit. My parents still ask us over for Christmas every year. Wherever I teach, my kids can go there for free.

7. Do you have a favorite visual artist? Who are they?

Oh lord, I don’t know. I mean I like art but I hate the process of liking art. It’s so much more involved than “I like how this piece makes me feel” and I don’t enjoy that. I like individual pieces and I don’t know enough about art to really speak on it.

I guess, though, I like Dali and Khalo as people. They seem unpretentious and fun. Which is surprising because I guess the way their work is talked about you’d think the opposite.

8. Do you really like a food that most people think is disgusting? Or, do you like a popular food to a disgusting degree?

Not really but like I put too much hot sauce / jalapenos on everything and it disgusts people. And I put way too much sugar in coffee, and creamer too.

9. What music did your parents play in the house/car?

My mom is a New Wave junkie like me and my dad had more complicated taste. He was never big into music, so he only really likes a few artists for their voices and some songs for nostalgia. So we listened to a lot of oldies and swing and Judy Garland, but he also loved Blondie and Boston.

10. What would you tell your 15-year-old self?

I’d tell her she’s a lot stronger than she’s going to think she is one day and to tough it out. That people love her and will love her. That when you get older, family is hard, but it’s worth it to work on things. That she’s smarter than she thinks she is and should try harder in school, because when she finally does have faith in herself, it’ll pay off. 

Tagging whoever else wants to do this - it’s cold and rainy (here at least) and we could all use a day of warm socks and procrastinating with asks, honestly.

[thotyssey]

On Point With: JEM

This party promoter created the popular Sunday night Brooklyn party Otter Box, which is now making it’s way to the Deep End... a new Ridgewood venue that he’s opened. Let’s dive to the deep end of Jorge Mdahuar, aka JEM!

Thotyssey: Hey JEM! How are you today? As a new venue owner, you must have, like, no free time ever. JEM: Yes, on the constant hustle! It's true I have zero free time. I feel like I just gave birth and the bar is my newborn, so I am always there.

Not for the faint of part, but you've def got the pedigree to do it with your nightlife experience! We'll talk about all that, but first the basics: where's your hometown? I grew up in Mexico City. I came to the USA when I was 11 years-old. Moved around a bit, mostly East Coast, but ended up going to NYU for business. I always knew I wanted to move to NYC. How did you become involved in the Brooklyn nightlife scene?

I have always loved bringing people together and hosting events. I actually started while I was at NYU. Freshman year of college, I became a promoter for an event production company that throws parties in several venues in Midtown. It was wild! 18 years-old and hosting at some of the most fabulous clubs in the city!  

In 2009, I moved to Brooklyn and started throwing my own events. I have always wanted to create a place where anyone can express themselves and feel comfortable doing so. These Brooklyn events were mostly warehouse/ rooftop parties. They had a different feel to them, more edgy and underground. 

They were very successful, so I decided to start JEM Entertainment. Pre-Otter Box, I would say the majority of my events were mixed events.

I spoke to [the party’s former co-host] Shameless last year about Otter Box, and he told me that party has been all over. Where did it begin, and what were your intentions with it? It began in January of 2015! I can't believe it, 2+ years!  When we started the party it was me, Shameless, and Michael Trotter as a resident DJ. We wanted to create a Sunday hotspot! An underground queer party with the best DJs and a sexy crowd. A fun place where the community could come together and love, play, and socialize with each other. Isn't that what every human wants in the end, love and affection?

 We started at the Flat, which was amazing. It just had the best vibe. The perfect level of naughty. They lost their license randomly, and we moved to The Hope Garage for one hot summer, until we moved to our [most recent] location, Macri Park. The party always boasts great performing and DJ talent, but is also known for its hot gogo guys. What makes a good gogo boy, you think? A good gogo boy is confident yet approachable. They have to have that wholesome Boy Next Door personality, but when the lights go off they are total exhibitionists. They have to like the attention and actually enjoy catering to people's desires.

When did the idea of opening your own venue get on your radar? I have always wanted to start my own business. When I was at NYU, I met my best friend and co-owner Jon Gneezy, who also shared the same dream of opening up a bar in the city. We worked together and opened up a food truck first, The Munchie Mobile. The truck looked like a purple monster with big green eyes. It was such an unreal experience, driving into midtown every morning and selling burgers for lunch for almost three years! 

We sold the truck in order to get the bar/restaurant of the ground. So basically it's been in the works for 10+ years.

Wow! How does the Deep End meet your vision thus far? It has superseded my expectations, it continues to amaze and inspire me. It is such a magical place! I love the energy and inclusive vibes it brings the Halsey L area. There's not a lot of options here, so it has filled a need for people who want a local spot to drink a beer and eat a dank burger...and the carne asada tacos are divine!

I love the space, because it really reminds me a lot of Sugarland in terms of the underground vibe and layout.

Owning a queer nightlife venue is scary these days: dealing with competing venues and sex apps, and changing neighborhoods, and astronomical commercial rents and license fees, and folks not wanting to pay covers, and cops assigned to shut everything down. 

Lots of Brooklyn nightlifers were dismayed by the sudden closing of TNT in Bushwick, which was such a staple for the scene there, and the shutting down of huge parties by the cops like the ones on New Years Eve. Did any of this deter you from wanting to open your place? In general, owning any business--especially a bar and nightlife venue--is extremely difficult and risky. Even more so in NYC, where the bureaucracy and the establishment in general are not always on your side. We were aware of all these obstacles, but the difference with us is that we really love what we do.  It shows when you walk in the door of the Deep End and are greeted by one of the owners. This is our home, and we are prepared to fight to maintain our integrity and freedom of expression. I loved TNT!  but I can't speak on why they closed, since I have no idea why they actually closed. I threw many parties there over the years, it was a great place. Well as far as the Deep End goes. it sounds like you're off to a great start! For one thing, you're the only venue in Brooklyn that has a regular home for the Haus of Aja, who perform there monthly every third Thursday! Aja's about to become world famous (if she isn't already) when RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 roles around... you must be excited! I'm super excited for Aja! We have worked together for years now and I'm so proud of her! #teamAja all the way baby!

I'm excited about our lineup of events! We are hosting a variety of mixed and queer weekly and monthly events. Tuesday nights, we are going to do a Latin night with MoMo Shade from the Haus of Aja. 

I just produced Bear Milk, which is my new monthly sex positive bear party! Josh Schonewolf from Bearlesque and Chris Reed from the Beefcake  Party host with me. We have the perfect bear squad! The next Bear Milk will be Saturday, April 15th! 

And now this Sunday... Otter Box comes to the Deep End! Yay! Did you think the party will change at all in its new home?

Yes, it will definitely evolve. We are going to keep parts of the formula that people love: the shows and DJs, the cheap drinks, and the porn. The boys love the porn! We are gonna bring back some old aspects of the party from when we were at the Flat, such as a dark room for playful otters and friends!

We are starting weekend brunch in the spring! Get ready for some divine Bloody Marys!

Yay, Brooklyn needs a brunch! Okay, so in closing: what is your favorite item on your menu? FRIED GOAT CHEESE BALLS.  I'm addicted. You should come taste my balls!

Yum, I will have to take you up on that! Thanks JEM!

JEM co-owns the Deep End, and can be found there most nights. He can be followed on Facebook.

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