#i’m also coping because uni is stressing me out

[foxieskull]

Red Beryl! ✂️

✧ twitter

[satanic-foxhole-court]

CW: following post discusses alcoholism, alcohol, drinking, PTSD, trauma, unhealthy copying mechanisms, hurt/comfort recovery in relation to Kevin Day 💛

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Surely there’s a fic out there where Kevin’s alcoholism gets worse before it gets better. Where I’m from in Australia functional alcoholism is normalised heavily, where drinking is just what you do to have fun in small towns. It’s got me thinking about Kevin, how when finally all the stresses have stopped and he has a chance to recover… but he doesn’t know how.

Drinking is the only thing he knows how to do, sure he absolutely has a supportive friend group.

I have C-PTSD, and working through that meant when I was finally in a safe environment, no longer in survival mode, everything got much much worse before it got better. Nightmares, triggers, being unable to stop moving, jumping at noises, flinching, moods swings etc all got so much worse.

My HC for Kevin is his C-PTSD gets worse before it gets better and he relies on alcohol to cope. Because it’s hard, and this is the easiest way out for him.

I think Kevin would be drinking to the point of near ruining friendships. Drinking to the point where he thinks he’s fine to come and train, but clearly isn’t. Drinking to the point where he fails a course at uni. Drinking to the point it puts him in hospital.

But he’s trying to be better, he knows this isn’t how he wants to live and it’s ruining his exy chances but it’s hard. It’s so fucking hard having to take hours or days to recover from a trigger. The amount of nightmares of things he doesn’t remember happening that are resurfacing is too much to bear. And yet he has to. There is no choice. Some people did awful things to him and now he has to live with the consequences for the rest of his life.

I saw a post the other day about alcoholism being genetic for Kevin, and I see it. It’d help to have Wymack recognise the problems, intervening when he felt he should, but it’d be painful to see Kevin start the cycle again, see him do the tricks his own Dad did.

Recovery isn’t linear, it’s what we always say. He’d go back to what is the easiest comfort he has, doctors words ringing in his head about the risks it now has for his body.

And in this personal little head canon I think Kevin would fight to keep his stints in rehab out of the media. His image in the press a pillar of his own ego. How it’d break him for the choice to sharing that part of him with the world to be taken away from him. Sure, he’d turn it in to how proud he is of recovery and support a charity, as his paranoia for what gets out only worsens.

Again, recovery isn’t linear, I don’t like the idea that a character can fully heal or recover, not because they don’t deserve it, but because it’ll always be apart of them and who they are. It’s apart of Kevin. And with effort, learning new coping skills that become almost a reflex, and loving caring friends that he has he’d get sober and stay so for as long as he could. There is no morality attached to sobriety.

(Also think Aaron and him would share coping skills, being each others sober buddies to hold each other up when it gets hard again)

This is my opinion and perspective, if you disagree that’s all good, just be kind about it as some of this is from my own experiences.

[satiricaily]

I GOT U BESTIE 🫂

for the ask game nr 4 nr 8 and mhmm nr 23

for this

thank u cami u rlly do always have my back 🫶

q4 - What detail in [insert fic] are you really proud of?

this is actually my fav q it's crazy how u picked it ♡ it also did take me a while to choose since i loveee writing details more than plot progression but. in the end i had to pick one so:

Juwon didn't stand immediately. His hands found Dongsik's arms again but instead of using them as a support to get up, his head fell forward until he had his face burrowed in Dongsik's abdomen, a desperate press into his shirt where the older man would then feel Juwon's lips parting as his breath ruptured past the fabric and onto his skin. He was quivering against Dongsik's body, and in that moment he felt so small, so fragile and lost. Dongsik brought himself to look down and the sight burned every inch of his skin. Juwon's arms now circled around his waist so he was embracing him, his hands meeting at the back with his face never pulling away, until it was just them in the kitchen at nearly 12 am, with Juwon on his knees, with Dongsik engulfed by Juwon's need to hold him together.

from all in the middle is little thing bc i love embraces like that and this fic is just my baby of nothing but 4k words of domestic details <3 (i still laugh at the whole shoelaces thing)

q8 - What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

u know my weakness is music !! to be honest though im not entirely sure what this q means but there are songs that have such great emotions and storytelling that it inspired me to write so i guess that's what it means? my fav is probably:

Moonlight, I dream of you endlessly Drowning in reverie, waiting for morning Dim light, I’m drunk at the bar again Holding a stranger’s hand, a crowd with no faces

angela by flower face (the nostalgia, the longing, the details... fell in love with this song in 2019 and i still adore it) and im also thinking ethel cain's a house in nebraska because there's just some lines in that song that hit so hard (i know you get me)

q23 - What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

dont laugh but i have such a thing for early 1900s vampire aus it's just so delicious and i did map out a draft for a dreamling fic with that trope but never got around to writing it (maybe one day </3) also academia professors au for any of my otps bc i just know it'll help me cope with the stress of uni right now

[ariondevereux]

Okayy, I’m on my uni commute and by now I think we know that this is when my brain goes crazy over your ocs. Alsoo, my disclaimer of, if these ever get annoying do tell me!

Maya x Phoenix:

Soo, I was listening to ‘Darkside’ by Neoni and ‘Counting Losses’ by Chelan, and I was thinking that they fit Maya’s personality pretty well, Darkside because she’s very much aware of her personal demons and think she’s a bit unloveable because of it. And then Counting Losses because she’s falling for Phoenix, probably doesn’t want to imagine this amazing, beautiful future with him because of her own insecurities but also…being happy with him does seem like a dream, so she’s in a bit of a limbo.

Shiloh x Abby:

I’ve been fleshing out the BDSI characters, and I got to the angsty stage and began wondering what Shiloh would act like really stressed whilst in the deep crushing stage when it comes to Abby. Like, they’re on their quest to taking down the Order, they’ve gone through a whole load of brutal shit, all scared, but they’ve made it out alive so that’s the main thing?? And I imagined Mei picking up on Shiloh being all stressed and upset and literally bringing Shiloh’s phone to them to call Abby because she’s very much his safe place, & at this point, Shiloh’s spoken to themself about their crush on Abby enough and Mei’s realised that the best friend that visits all the time is a lot more than just special in a friend way.

Lorenz x Clary:

You have an L-mancer oc <3 (I did tell you I check your Pinterest like the news!) and they have the grumpy x sunshine trope, I’m screaming!! I found out that L very much has the personality they have because… tragic backstory & past trauma, so they mask it by being confident, making jokes, being flirty— that’s their coping mechanism; and flirting with Clary was definitely just a ‘let’s do something a little risky and fun, especially as I’m your initiate for the next week or so’ at first, and then it continued, and continued, until L fell into this rabbit hole of ‘oh shit, fuck, fuck, oh…’ when they realised flirting with Clary is a lot more than just ‘this is fun, I want to get a reaction out of her.’ And I feel like L is determined to keep it to themself and not say anything because if Clary’s the grumpy half of the grumpy x sunshine trope, then if she ever found out about this crush then L probably thinks it won’t end well, and if anything, they’d rather have Clary around as something if not a lover because they can’t ruin yet another thing and add it to their list of bad backstories. I was also listening to ‘overthinking’ by Bearcubs, narou and imagine L going on a really long car ride by themselves, and they’re literally overthinking and Clary comes to mind and it’s the only time in a long time that they’ve let themself be vulnerable.

HELSPEOKEJ I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN I GOT THIS ASK AND HAD A WHOLE ANSWER IN MY HEAD BUT I FORGOT TO ACTUALLY REPLY

okok pls your music taste is immaculate!! i listened to those songs a few times and they’re so good i loved them sm especially darkside omg it’s so accurate for maya!! tysm for sending them to me 🥹 literally every time you talk about her i can barely wrap my head around the fact that you legit think about her 😭😭

OK OMG SHILOH PLEASE HE’S BEEN IN MY HEAD A LOT LATELY like i always imagine him being a smooth flirt but when he actually catches Feelings he’s a whole mess 😩🫶🏼 and shiloh isn’t the only one who would be stressing over feelings 🤭 for abby, she would stress over shiloh’s flirty comments and in her head she’d be like “how much of it did he mean?” because she really likes him and she’s not gonna try to hide it when it gets to a point where it’s already so obvious that there’s something going on between them. but she wants to make sure that it isn’t all just empty flirting from shiloh because even though she knows better than anyone that her best friend is an amazing guy and would never play with her feelings like that, she’s scared it’s all one-sided and her heart would be broken. abby’s not judgmental i swear shiloh just means way too much to her 😔

AND MEI MY BEST GIRL SHE’S SO SMART <333 omgogmogmg imagine mei and abby hanging out and shiloh thinks to himself “my favorite girls” CRYINGGGGG ok but when shiloh calls abby but he’s not ready to confess he’d probably say some excuse like “you wanna come over? mei misses you” and abby just chuckles “tell her i miss her too” and then there’s that heavy silence because abby doesn’t wanna hang up because she likes hearing shiloh’s voice and shiloh really wants to see her but he’s scared that would give too much away even though it never scared him before to say it so he just clears his throat or whatever and softly asks “so… do you wanna come over?” unfghghhh THE PINING!!! my sustenance 😩

AND LISTEN you’re so powerful because i’m not actually big on the grumpy x sunshine trope but i just had to do it for lorenz and clary because it would be so fun to develop their relationship nddnejsk and it’s funny because clary’s face is the farthest thing from rbf so i imagine that’s the reason lorenz wasn’t intimidated at all to flirt with her at the start until she just gave him this unimpressed look like “has that ever worked for you?” and from that point on, lorenz tones it down a bit but he still flirts with her from time to time. then time passes and clary gradually develops a crush on him because she realizes “he’s not that bad…. 😳” and that he genuinely cares about her. and because of her feelings, she becomes hyperfixated on the difference of his flirting then and now and how he doesn’t flirt as boldly as he did at the start. like this bitch forgets that she literally acted hostile towards him during his early attempts at flirting but when she remembers, she realizes it’s probably the reason he may be acting cautious around her and like… lorenz doesn’t have to worry about ruining things with clary if he took it further and acted upon his feelings because it’s clary who’s gonna ask him out <333

[redhairedwolfwitch]

Yes, I feel you. I was going to say that good or bad chaos is definitely a spectrum, but I guess the Yerkes-Dodson law reflects that as well. It also reminds me of Flow theory, by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, specifically the Flow channel model. Both of these are interesting theories, and are definitely helping me figure out how I work.

When it comes to coping mechanisms and techniques however, like I said, it’s not always easy to pinpoint what exactly is causing me to feel stressed, and therefor it’s hard to deal with it. So yeah, I’m certainly working on it, and at times I feel like I’m making progress, but I guess it’s a slow process of getting to know yourself when you’ve never learned to deeply evaluate what happens inside your mind and body.

Now that I’m writing this I’m realising I always want to deal with negative emotions/feelings by dealing with the cause, but there may be different ways to deal with it. I have yet to learn about those, but it would be interesting to see if I can bypass the whole pinpointing the cause of stress and deal with it faster. This seems wild to me.

Damn, writing this all down has been great, thanks. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Love,

-Chaotic Anon

Love some psychology, even if it's late at night in my timezone (oops) but I had a look at Mihály Csíkszentmihályi's flow theory, it looks really interesting, i wish i'd learnt more about positive psychology during a-levels or uni but i'm definitely intrigued now.

it's definitely interesting how you're learning almost how to analyse yourself and how you react to different levels of stress due to different external (and possibly internal) factors. honestly there are always those simple coping mechanisms like breathing exercises, which are supposed to slow a racing heart and steady one's breathing, but there's a point where it's the physical symptoms of stress and the mental symptoms too, sometimes breathing exercises aren't enough to stop the racing thoughts, and sometimes even if you can recognise a maladaptive thought, it doesn't shut your brain up from getting anxious about it (i apologise for bringing my personal experiences into it, my intentions are to make sense of the analysis of oneself and how it can be layered)...

it's interesting that you prefer to face the things that cause you stress head on, since it's common that individuals often try to avoid the stressful situations so they can avoid feeling stressed, but it can make it worse in the long run. the 'bypass the whole pinpointing the cause of stress and deal with it faster' is interesting, since with the Yerkes-Dodson Law, and with Flow, and the balance of challenge of a task and skill to deal with the task... definitely interesting, we could argue that stress is useful up to a certain point (Yerkes-Dodson Law) for performance, but the stress of a challenge can be affected by an individual's skill level when it comes to the task at hand?

i'm definitely rambling and probably not making much sense but this was very interesting to discuss anon, i hope my thoughts to it make sense because i definitely rambled😅 sorry about that.

[spirallingintotheabyss]

Oh it’s this time of year again!

1. Nah <3 very surprising I know

2. Some uni friends know I’m bi, some know I’m trans, parents still don’t know about the transgenderism <3

3. Need the Gp to respond before I start anything medically 😔 or do anything really

4. Uni is fine, I’m just tired constantly but we stay slaying

5. Got a boyfriend <33 need to get a heart monitor for a few days to check up too- also started uni and all. Freshers week also happened but nothing will be disclosed here <3

6. I should have known I wouldn’t be able to answer this one, I never can- but currently That Unwanted Animal is !!!

7. Resident evil, Hannibal I guess, the doctor who interest is Resurfacing too-

8. Brain is not as rotted but yes. Yes it is. We still don’t have season 2 but yes

9. Well. About that- no.

10.I am so so sorry me from the past- interest kinda faded a little. I still get excited about it sometimes? But yes we did main Childe for a while, and Scaramouche so you can rest easy. Dottore has not been released yet but I’ll see what I can do when he does 😔

11. Better, so much better. Yeah med school is Ouch but we are away from family, so mental health has been a bit better on that front! Also making friends at uni <3 I’m doing alright.

12. We do not talk about AH exams- got an A in English though which I’m really proud of! Med school tests are. Hell but it’s ok

13. Survive, get through the next 6 years in one piece, and some other slightly shorter term plans too

14. Flatmates are nice! Their constant partying worries me but Ykw we’re all happy and I get free drinks sometimes so it works out. Relationship with family is ok, kinda ghosting mother right now because she won’t stop calling but it’s not as. Stressful speaking to them.

15. Right now? Curled up because of stomach cramps but in general I’m alright. Could be better, could be worse but hey we got some healthy coping mechanisms now! (Some. Still working on that)

As usual I’ll queue this for next year, same questions but also maybe a few more:

16. What is the current comfort media?

17. Have we gotten the tattoo we want yet?

18. Can we drive yet?

19. How is second year going? Everyone says it’s the worst so gonna wait for confirmation on that-

20. Who are your closer friends in uni?

Ok, I'm queuing this for next year, but, questions for next year me.

1. Have my labels changed?

2. Have you come out yet?

3. If yes, how did it go, if no, then are you planning to?

4. Has anything big happened?

5. What songs are in your comfort playlist (if you have one)

6. What fandoms are you in?

7. Which new fandoms have you joined?

8. How was the Yuri on Ice movie?

9. Are you in a better or worse place?

10. What did you get on your exams?

11. Who are your closest friends?

12? Are you out to any more people?

[jade-qilin]

lion’s lullaby | twisted wonderland (leona kingscholar x gn!reader)

notes: writing leoyuu fics is basically a coping mechanism at this point. LOL anyway have this silly little drabble i made because uni is making me sad and stressed but staring at Leona makes me feel better. also i realized that this is the second fic where leoyuu falls asleep together whoops lol

anyway i wrote this after 1am while deprived of sleep but regardless i hope you’ll enjoy it <3

details & content warnings: gn!reader + they/them pronouns, reader is depicted as an adult + as Yuu/the prefect, fluff with comfort, headcanon on Leona’s backstory (slightly), reader does their studies lol, can replace Yuu’s name with yours, no beta we overblot like men, sort of self-indulgent sorry, slight OOC for Leona but not really

ao3: xxx || no reposts; reblogs and follows appreciated

“Oi herbivore, come back to bed.”

Leona looks up from his bed with tired eyes, watching his lover pouring over their notes with a hunched back. A grimace adorns his handsome face as he hears them muttering to themselves, the latter being too immersed in their work to hear the beastman’s words. Leona pushes himself up from his bed, the plush mattress creaking slightly under his weight.

He saunters over towards Yuu, wrapping his long arms around their frame. Soft brown hairs tickle the prefect’s neck as Leona nuzzles his face under their jaw, peppering them with soft kisses. His tail flicks lazily behind him as he pulls them to his chest. Yuu jumps in their spot at the contact.

“Hey,” he nearly whispers, voice soft and deep. “It’s past midnight already. Come to bed.”

Yuu stares at the clock on Leona’s desk (it was a gift from Ruggie, with a very loud alarm), surprised to see how fast time had gone. The prefect originally came to Leona’s room to study in his company, preferring to have the lion’s soft snores in the background rather than the screeching voice of Grim and the spectral visits from Ramshackle’s ghostly residents. They had only meant to stay for a couple of hours before returning to their own dorm for curfew.

They sigh bitterly, looking at their essay with a disgusted sneer. Despite working on this particular assignment for hours now, Yuu found that they hadn’t made much progress at all. Everything about the work was overstimulating, making the prefect unable to focus.

Yuu leaned back in Leona’s desk chair, turning their head to meet their boyfriend’s temple. They bump their head against his and give him an apologetic smile before kissing him.

“‘M sorry, Leona. Didn’t mean to take this long. I’ll head back to Ramshackle now.”

But as Yuu lifts themselves up onto their feet, intending on packing up their materials, Leona’s strong arms keep them against his muscular frame. Forcefully, yet also gently enough, he drags the prefect towards his bed, pulling them both down as falls back onto the plush blankets. Yuu lays there stunned for a moment before trying to squirm out of Leona’s grasp.

“Leona, I need to go now. Curfew was a while ago and Grim’s probably worried I’m not back yet.”

“Hah? Who cares what he thinks?” Leona huffs, pulling Yuu impossibly closer to him as he rearranges his long limbs into a more comfortable position. “‘Sides, he’ll be fine. He knows you came to see me so he can rest easy.”

“I don’t have any pajamas here.”

“Can’t believe you don’t have any of your shit here, considering how often you visit. Anyway, you can just borrow one of my extra shirts.” Leona smirks, lips curving up against your skin. “You look better in my clothes anyway.”

Yuu punches against the beastman’s arms lightly, unable to hide the amused smile on their face. “Sounds tempting, but isn’t it against the rules for students to swap rooms without proper arrangements?”

“Oh, so now you care about those pathetic rules. Didn’t hear you complainin’ back when you made that deal with the Octopunk. What are you now, a second Rosehearts?”

“That was because I was otherwise homeless! Didn’t help that Crowley was completely useless then too.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever you say.” Leona rolls his eyes half-heartedly.

Truthfully, he wasn’t able to come up with a good retort since what Yuu said really was the truth. The only thing the housewarden knew was that he wanted his herbivore nearby; exam season had fallen upon the Night Raven College campus, and since the otherworldly prefect had to keep their grades up for both theirs and Grim’s sake, Leona and Yuu were hardly able to find the time to nap together like before. Leona respected his partner’s wishes to focus on studying, although it took quite some convincing (Yuu was coerced into surrendering a pillow and some other items so that their boyfriend could be constantly surrounded by their scent).

Still, nothing compared to taking naps in his bed together, or sharing a meal in the dining hall, or falling asleep to the sounds of each other’s voices late at night. Leona also knew the importance of rest, and that a human’s much more fragile body needed more time to recover than a beastman’s or a fae’s. That, on top of his own selfish desires, forced him to physically restrain you from leaving that night.

“You needa get that damn Grim to start working harder,” he yawns. “You can’t be working for two people like this.”

“I mean, it’s not usually that bad. More often than not, the homework here isn’t much harder than what I had to do at home.” Yuu hums before continuing. “It’s just… this particular assignment that’s getting to me.”

“You’re stressing out that much over one assignment? How bad can it be?”

“Crewel wants us to write an essay on some scientific compositions of rare elements found in Twisted Wonderland,” Yuu recalls with a sigh. “It shouldn’t be this hard, and I know I have a month until it’s due, but the element I was assigned is so rare that there’s almost no information on it! Like how am I supposed to meet the minimum length requirement if I barely have any content to begin with?

“And don’t even get me started on the fact that Crewel is very particular about how he wants students to compose their works. I can’t believe he has the time to be picky both about his fashion choices and school assignments.”

Leona snorts at the last comment. Ah yes, he muses. Crewel and his infamous nitpicky side. It’s a wonder I passed his class in my first year.

“‘M sure you’ll do fine,” the prince mumbles, feeling sleep overcome his body again. “You always push through your troubles; it’s one of the reasons why I asked you out.” One of the reasons why I became attracted to you.

When Yuu doesn’t respond, Leona gently pinches at their sides. The prefect gives an exaggerated sigh before throwing their hands up.

“Okay okay, I give in. Let me just get into some comfier clothes then.”

Score, Leona thinks to himself as he untangles his limbs from his lover’s. He watches Yuu with earnest eyes as they move towards his messy wardrobe. The prefect picks out a cotton t-shirt with motifs from Sunset Savanna and a pair of Leona’s grey sweatpants that he would wear on lazy weekends. Yuu then walked towards the joint bathroom, closing the door to change.

When they re-emerge, it takes everything in Leona to not jump at them immediately. His ears twitch with delight, a purr threatening to escape from his chest as he eyes his lover in his clothes.

They really need to do this more often.

Yuu looked quite comfortable in Leona’s clothing, the shirt fitting them nicely while the waistband of the sweatpants were stretchy enough that they could fit snugly around their waist, held up by the black drawstrings that hung in the front.

Yuu shoves their uniform into their bag along with their school supplies. They left it on the floor and peeled back the cozy blanket on Leona’s bed before crawling under it. The prince’s arms stretch out, beckoning Yuu into his embrace. After settling in together, limbs intertwined under the covers and bodies flush against each other, Leona gives Yuu a few chaste kisses before reaching out to turn off the lamp on his desk.

However, he doesn’t fall asleep immediately, and neither does Yuu, if their heartbeat quickening was any indication. Leona frowned, not happy that troublesome thoughts continued to cloud his lover’s mind so late at night.

“Yuu…” he whispered, opting to use his lover’s real name as opposed to the teasing labels he gave them.

“Sorry,” they whispered back, their grip on Leona’s shirt tightening. “I might need a few moments to calm down.”

Had it been anyone else, the prince would have left the conversation at that before rolling around and falling asleep, but because this trouble was afflicting the person he cared for the most, he felt compelled to comfort them as much as he could.

And so, Leona began to sing, though with how quiet he was being, it sounded more like a poem with a rhythm than a lullaby, but hearing his voice and knowing how he was trying to help Yuu filled their heart with warmth.

The song narrated the story of a lion’s pride, featuring a young cub and its mother and father. In calculated stanzas it told the little lion to come home for the night, where the father would protect the pride, and where the mother would be there for the cub to cuddle up to. It emphasized the values of family, of community, and of protecting one’s loved ones.

The lullaby made Yuu’s heart flutter, and they smiled inwardly as they came to the conclusion that Leona suited both the parent lions from the song; with his strong arms to protect the prefect from harm, but also to soothe them from their troubles. When Leona finished, Yuu could feel the tension leaving their body.

“Is that a lullaby from Sunset Savanna?” they ask quietly. Leona hums against their forehead in affirmation.

“My mother used to sing it to me and Falena. She really valued family, and hoped the song would teach us how to care for our own in the future.” He then snorted. “Didn’t think I’d ever see the day where I’d use it.”

Yuu looks up from where they lay, their eyes tracing Leona’s resting figure under the moonlight that filtered through the large windows of his room. At first, they didn’t know how to respond; even after they started dating, Leona remained quite private about his family life, so the prefect understood that this was quite a vulnerable moment for the lion.

Yuu eventually decides to leave a long, soft kiss on Leona’s forehead before tucking their face back under his chin.

“Thanks,” they finally whisper. “I feel much better already. Goodnight Leona.”

The housewarden remained awake for a few more moments, this time confirming that Yuu had finally succumbed to their drowsiness. A ghost of a smile tug on his lips as he kisses the top of their head. He closes his eyes, tail curling around his partner’s leg gently before falling asleep himself.

Night, my love.

END

[hella1975]

hey idiots and hellions etc, i’m BACK on my bullshit <3 yes that’s right, this bastard little hiatus - which lasted a tad longer than i expected - is finally the fuck OVER. ‘jesus god please no’ i hear you cry, but i’m not listening because i am rejuvenated and self-cared to the nines and I HAVE FINISHED COLLEGE. LIKE. COMPLETELY FINISHED. i’m still getting my head around it because finishing school during a pandemic is literally just ‘wait did it just end? was that it? oh. sound okay’ and that’s that. a few updates because for some reason a good portion of you are ACTUALLY interested? and have been sending asks to keep up to date with me? and i’m hopelessly in love with you? anyway:

- no more exams!! so many wished me luck and i literally cannot express enough how much that actually made me feel better. i thought it’d be a fickle little thing, but the amount of times i was on The Verge Of An Education Induced Breakdown, remembering how many people were actually rooting for me was so comforting. and hey, i don’t think the exams even went too terribly! (touch wood)

- i now have like four months with zero (0) responsibilities and i fully intend to go off the rails in this time. i think i deserve it. i have a lot of plans with my mates so still should be pretty busy, but i’ll no longer be balancing fic-life with exam-life AND social-life, so it should all be smooth sailing from here <3

- chapter 34 is.... Going. i didn’t actually write nearly as much as i thought i would during this break (usually my body experiences one (1) bout of stress and immediately goes ‘oh? does this mean ‘write thousands of words feverishly without a break as a coping mechanism?’’ and doesn’t wait for a response) but that’s led to what i have so far of this chapter being very thought out and i’m v happy with the quality. but like i said, i’ve prioritised exams and friends and my mental health lately, so i’m still expecting another week or so before the chapter is finished. you’ll be getting the usual bullshit writing updates here though now i’m off hiatus. thank you again for being so patient with me

some smaller things that have happened that i’d usually have bitched about on here the moment they took place:

- everyone is having ‘college is finished’ parties and it’s forced me to actually spend money on clothes??? which is a big treat for me bc i’m so stingy when it comes to spending money on clothes. if ur reading this and you’re holding out on treating yourself because you think you don’t deserve it then this is your sign <3333 anyway the point here is that i look hot

- i also dyed my hair red (even though it sort of went pink? Idk? vibes and that cruise like a four wheel drive and that-)

- I’m currently 4 days into a 6 day bender, pray for my liver ❤️ (which means ironically I’m breaking hiatus at a time I might potentially be busy but it’s fine im here in spirit and physically I am slamming jagerbombs at the local bars)

- i emailed a parlour about getting a tattoo! i’m finally getting organised!

- I applied for my uni accommodation and that was the day, young children, that one hella1975 realised uni is actually very fucking close and not some faraway dream

- i am now self-banned from a bar in my town (self-banned = no one is actually stopping me from going back there except myself. it’s in everyone’s best interest...)

- i’ve started the Big Scary re-write of tales of the mirrored world!!!!!! i am so powerful omg

- anddddddddddddddd i hereby swear that if i have to look at an economic diagram ever again i will go fully sexily completely berserk <3 that’s right mr john maynard keynes and mr william phillips i am wishing violence upon your bloodline <3 

i’m back fuckers and i’m in a really happy place atm and I MISSED YOU ALL !! LIKE A LOT ACTUALLY I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO MISS YOU GUYS TO THE EXTENT THAT I DID !! PLEASE SHUT UP ABOUT IT !!

[nepenthendline]

Heyyy, could you do a headcannon post for tsukki, kenma, suga, Kageyama, and kurro, and how they would go about proposing to their s/o. I love your writing btw!!! 💜

proposal hcs make me so sOFT, and thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺 It means a lot! I’m going to bury myself in these hcs to get rid of the stress my uni are giving me rn also kageyama’s is so long omg i got a little carried away

slight timeskip spoilers (kenma, sugawara, kageyama, kuroo)

Requests are open!

Proposal Headcanons - Tsukishima, Kenma, Sugawara, Kageyama and Kuroo

Tsukishima:

Tsukishima wasn’t one for extravagant publics displays of love and affection, so his proposal wouldn’t be either

he wanted it to be natural, not some crazy, over-the-top event that had everyone in the neighbourhood witnessing

it would be around 5-10 years (depending on how old you were when you started dating) of being together when Tsukishima decided he wanted to marry you, it’s not that he never thought about it, he just wanted to be sure this was the right decision for both of you

he had mentioned marriage to you one night a few months before proposing to test the waters and see your opinion so that he could gauge whether you would say yes or not

he took Yamaguchi with him to pick out a ring, he was great friends with you too so he knew your style and preferences well to help out Tsukishima

the proposal itself what somewhat planned, he knew the day he was going to do it but, other than that, he left it open to change

the two of you had gone for an evening walk across a pathway that overlooked the town, something you two do often to wind down

you two hadn’t spoke much, a comfortable, warm silence surrounding you besides pointing out the odd squirrel or brief check-ups on each others day

both of you had stopped at a railing on your walk, leaning against it to watch the sun set over the tall buildings

his hand was in yours, brushing his thumb over the back of it as he looked out to the view

“I love you (Y/N),” his voice was quiet but it seemed certain

he wasn’t the kind of man that told you he loved you multiple times a day, it was reserved for special moments and the times where he couldn’t get how lucky he was to have you out of his mind

“I love you too Kei,” you didn’t need to be loud, or shout your confession to the world to know that you both meant it deeply

“Marry me,” it sounded more like a instruction than a question and his gaze hadn’t left the sky

“W-what?” had you heard him wrong? was this a joke?

he turned his eyes to you, locking them with yours - this was the most serious and sincere you had ever seen him

“Marry me,” he repeated

you stood with your mouth slightly open, eyes wide as he pulled out a box from his pocket, opening it to display a simple, yet stunning ring

“I always thought that if you went for what you truly wanted, it would just end in pain and disappointment, that all the effort and sentiment would be for nothing, but with you it’s so easy. I might never be, but I want to become the best man for you, that you deserve, so marry me.”

Kenma:

gets married for tax purposes

marriage was not something Kenma had ever though about in his life growing up

he never thought he would get married or find someone he had a connection with and, honestly, he was fine with that

he didn’t really see the appeal of it in the first place

it wasn’t until many years down the line of being with you and his friends around him getting into relationships when he started to consider the possibility

the first time it came into his head was at Kuroo’s wedding

he spent most of the time wishing he could go home and get out of this uncomfortable suit, but there were times when he say Kuroo’s beaming smile that he was glad he came

some of the ex-nekoma team members had poked at him with questions of when he was going to get ‘hitched’, which he responded to with a sigh

he certainly wasn’t going to propose because others told him he needed to

the next time it crossed his mind was when he started a new game that his fans had recommended he play

it was a romance game which wasn’t his usual go-to genre, but it had incredible reviews and created a storm in the gaming world so he thought he might as well check it out

through the game he got to witness an endearing story of a couple that went at odds to be together

the story delved into their married life and all the little things they enjoyed together through the years

he didn’t really want to admit it, but it did make him feel a little emotional

he saw himself and you in the characters, as if he was watching his own life play out on his screen

every now and then you and Kenma played some games together so you could spend time with him and he could show you want had been interesting him lately, so he decided to show you this game

you thought it was adorable, so heartwarming yet a little sad at points, but you had always been a little more outwardly emotional then Kenma

“imagine if we got married haha, how cute would that be!” you gushed out in the moment without thinking as you played

“eh...I guess” it wasn’t really the answer you were hoping for, but at least he didn’t sound utterly disgusted by the thought

you continued to play with him for a while, tucked into his side and making comments every now and then

a particular endearing part was plating on the screen and your eyes shone as they fixated on the characters

he could tell by the glassy look that you were getting a little affected by the story, but you looked so cute

the way your lip pouted ever so slightly, and how you gripped at his hoodie, as if to steady yourself

he had a sudden rush of adoration for you, he really did love you and the last couple years of you living together had been wonderful, how he got to wake up beside you, do daily chores with you, how you supported him in his many careers

“Maybe we should get married,” he blurted out, you whipped your head towards him so fast you almost got whiplash

“Are you...proposing?” you questioned, with somewhat of a laugh in your voice

“huh...looks like I am.”

Sugawara:

Sugawara was sensible, mature, a little bit of a tease and sometimes chaotic if Daichi wasn’t watching but also traditional

he had often thought about what it would be like to grow up, get married and have a family

it wouldn’t take long before he knew he wanted to marry you, even throughout the 3 years you had already been together he had daydreamed about marrying you more times than he could count

from all the memories you had together, all the times you helped enough other in rough patches and the learning the two of you wanted to continue in the future had him certain that he wanted you beside him forever

so he set out his plan

he took his old teammates, Daichi and Asahi with him on a hunt to find the perfect ring

Daichi was there to keep him in check and calm his nerves, although Asahi was probably the most nervous and Asahi had a great eye for stylish, beautiful pieces due to his designing career

now it was time to plan

he didn’t want it to be crazy, but he wanted it to be something, a whole event in itself

so he scheduled a meal for the two of you and some of your friends

it was at quite a fancy restaurant in the evening and your group had its own secluded table at the back, surrounded with dividers from the rest of the restaurant

all of you spent the meal catching up and laughing, but Sugawara seemed a little quieter than usual

you had asked him if he was ok, but he just replied with an ‘of course!’ and a smile, so you let it be

Asahi was shaking but you put that off to general anxiety

you guys had ordered desserts and everyone had gotten theirs first

as the waiter brought yours over, the table went silent

the waiter came from your left, Sugawara on your right, so you had looked over as he came

as he set the plate down, you noticed the words spelled out in chocolate sauce 

“Will you marry me?” 

you gasped and turned towards Sugawara, who was now on one knee next to you, holding out an open ring box

“I have known for so long that I wanted to marry you. You’re beautiful, smart, courageous and so loving, and I want to have you by my side forever. I promise I will continue to grow as your partner and take care of you every step of the way, so, will you marry me?”

Kageyama:

the only thing in this boy’s brain is you and volleyball, its all his one braincell can cope with

that being said, he has never once thought about marriage

his whole life he has spend all his energy and focus on becoming a better player, the best setter he possibly can and standing on the court longer

but you were the first person to get him, to understand him and accept him as is while helping him improve and grow

you helped him to open up and communicate with people better

you helped him whenever he was frustrated with volleyball and a certain play he was working tirelessly on

you never once turned your back on him when he struggled or lost his temper

you were his partner, but it was different from a volleyball partner

he cared for you, every part of you, and always wanted to know if you were ok or spend time with you

you made him genuinely smile everyday and he knew that he wanted to be your partner for life

it came about when he was hanging out with Hinata on one of their rare days off to catch up

he had been talking about you constantly, expressing how much he loved you and adored you

“Why don’t you just marry them?” Hinata questioned with his held tilted, as if it was obvious

“w-what? Hinata boke!” he shouted as his face grew red and pushed Hinata aside

the two talked about it and Kageyama decided, very bashfully, that yeah, he should just marry you

but how does he ask you that?

he knew nothing about marriage or proposals, so he spend the next few weeks asking his friends, teammates, even his coach on how to propose to you

“Take them to an expensive restaurant!”

“Wouldn’t it be cute to propose in Disneyland??”

“Well, I proposed to my partner by sending them on a scavenger hunt”

he was bombarded with ideas, but none of them seemed right

none of them seemed like him

he was getting frustrated with the pressure of coming up with a good way to ask you to be his forever, it had to be perfect, it had to be special and it had to fit with your relationship

you noticed he was getting agitated a lot more recently, he was quieter and snapped more often, he stayed back later at the gym to train and he rarely ate dinner with you anymore

whenever you asked what the problem was, he replied with an ‘it’s nothing’ and stormed off

his teammates had noticed too and were less than pleased with his attitude as it affected their gameplay

one of his teammates had begged you to come to the gym and talk some sense into him when he started continuously overworking himself

it was 7pm when you set off from your house to the gym where he was still training

as you entered, you noticed that he was the only one here, hitting serve after serve that never seemed to land right

“Tobio,” you called out

“Baby,” you tried again but you couldn’t catch his attention from his deep focus on the ball

you walked over to him and lightly grabbed his arm, stopping him from serving the ball again

“Tobio, what’s wrong? Everyone is worried about you. Are you having trouble with a play? Because we can sort that out with your coach-”

he cut you off by mumbling something under his breath, much too quiet for you to hear

“What was that?” 

“I want to ask you to marry me and I don’t know how,” he said louder this time, his eyes staring at the ball in his hand as he gripped it tightly

“O-oh, right...” you were stunned, speechless, this wasn’t something you thought you would hear from him

“Everyone’s been telling me how to do it, but none of them seem right,” his voice was low and his gaze still hadn’t let the ball

you put a finger under his chin and lifted his face towards you

“It doesn’t need to be what everyone else tells you, we can do things our own way,” you tried to comfort him with a smile and he simply stared back at you

“So go on then,” you were beaming at him by now, yet his face got even tighter with confusion

“Go on, ask me to marry you.”

his jaw hung wide open, his eyes seemed to be staring into your skull like he had seen a ghost, this is certainly not what he expected

he tried to speak a couple times, stumbling on his words as they got caught in his throat

“It’s ok, take your time,” you brushed your thumb over the back of his hand as you held it, encouraging him to continue

“w-will you....will...willyoumarryme?”

BONUS: you two picked out a ring together afterwards, this boy has no sense of style, don’t trust him by himself

Kuroo:

Kuroo had jokingly asked you to marry time multiple times throughout your relationship

the first couple times ended with you being a blushing mess while he teased you

but by now you just tell him to shut up go off sis

marrying you had always been part of the plan for him, just a natural progression of your relationship

while Kuroo can be quite the tease, he was extremely serious of his relationship with you and your future

he started off his plan by asking your dad if he would like to spend the day together, you know, father-son-in-law bonding time

what your dad wasn’t prepared for was Kuroo to turn up in a shirt, suit trousers and confess how he wanted to marry you

he had a whole speech prepared about how he would be the best husband for you, how he would be sure to take good care of you and, possibly, be the best father in the future if you planned to have children

you dad had to eventually shut him up as Kuroo kept going, saying how he would be delighted to have you marry the man

step one: check

now he needed to find the right ring

he had a look around at multiple stores but he couldn’t find anything that was unique enough to be called yours and that captured you or your relationship

since Kuroo had quite the high-paying job plus a little backing from a certain famous youtuber so the cost wasn’t an issue and he wanted to spoil you

so he got one custom made

he sat with a designer for hours creating the most stunning, distinctive ring that he knew you would love

step two: check

over the next couple days he planned a meet-up evening with your family and his where he would pop the question

you both had spent the day cooking and preparing for the evening before they all come to your house

you had all finished dinner and moved over to the living room to chat

Amidst all the chatter, Kuroo stood up and cleared his throat, grabbing everyone’s attention

“I have something I’d like to say,” he said with confidence, then turning to you with a grin

“The last few years with you have been perfect. We’ve had some ups and downs, but we have made so many amazing memories together. You really are my other half and I think everyday about how truly lucky I am to call you mine. You know me better than anyone else. I know I’ve asked you this a couple times in the past when we’re laughing together, but this time I’m serious,”

he got down on one knee, holding one of your hands while presenting the custom ring in the other

“will you do me the honour of marrying me?”

and the crowd goes wild

Tagging @togasknifes so she can read Kageyama ty ly

[specsforwoo]

Son of Lachesis | Demigod!Jung Jaehyun

Parent Deity: Lachesis (Goddes of the String of Life; the Second Fate)

Allegiance: Hades

Dark Humor was a thing

He probably picked it up from his dad

His dad was this super successful thriller author

So they had this huge penthouse in New York but Jaehyun was your normal edgy emo teenager

He claimed to hate his life, hate his family, hate his friends

But like, his dad wasn’t bothered by it???

At first Jaehyun thought it was because his dad just didn’t care about him

But then he started to realize that his dad was the same way

He would rather disparage himself in the name of humor than anything else

It was more of a coping technique but oh well

And for some reason, Jaehyun’s senior year of highschool, he moved to Korea

Still doesn’t know why tbh

Something about his dad telling him that it was safer for their family to be closer together

But like his family only comprised of himself and his dad

And his beagle Chu-Chu but that’s it

As far as he knew, he didn’t have any family in Korea

But surprisingly, he fit in well

His last year of high school went by quickly

And soon he was accepted into the medical examiner’s program @ KAIST

What?

He felt more comfortable around cadavers than live humans

It wasn’t weird he just had hella social anxiety

He had a real gift for it too

He could just look at a body and be able to tell how they died

He was oddly able to tell how long ago they died too

He was actually starting to get creeped out by it

So he started talking to the only person he could ever confide in

His dad

It was a long weekend off of uni

And the Friday before he got into a huge argument with his toxicology professor about the substance that one man ingested that led to his death

His professor swore it was Croton tiglium

And he doesn’t know why but something in his gut was screaming that the diagnosis was wrong

So what did he do?

He stole the toxicology report to review it

And he barged into his professor’s office claiming it was actually Daphne mezereum

What scared him the most was that he could swear the man who was lying helplessly on the table was the one who told him what the poison was

So back to his dad’s apartment

Jaehyun was in tears explaining what had been going on to his dad

And sure his dad was the one to lighten up any room he could

But his dad just laughed

And for the first time he actually felt like he was going crazy

He thought that if anyone would be able to help him understand it would be his dad

I mean what was that Ph.D in psychology hanging on the wall for then

But his dad placed a hand on his shoulder and talked to him very calmly.

I think it’s time that you met your mother.

Sniffing, he looked up

I thought she had been dead since I was a baby.

Sorta…

How can someone be ‘sorta’ dead?

She’s more like… undead?

Suddenly a gray smoke started swarming around his feet.

And a young woman, dressed in black with a rose in her hair appeared behind his dad

Jaehyun almost screamed

Dear, Many people are in need to relief so why are you calling me up?

She spoke and her voice was as light of as the mist swirling around her feet

She looked up and made eye contact with Jaehyun

Dear, you know how dangerous it is for them to meet their other parents… why is he here?

She didn’t break eye contact with Jaehyun as she spoke to his father

It’s time he knew. Maybe Taeyong or Yuta could help him? They’ve been through this before.

The anxiety and stress was piling up on Jaehyun until he couldn’t stand it anymore

Knew what? Who is this? Why is our apartment filling with smoke? What have Taeyong and Yuta been through before?

You are a demigod Jaehyun. The woman spoke up, inching closer to his side.

My son, the son of Lacheses.

Lacheses…. The goddess of the string of fate.

I’m the son of a death goddess.

He burst out laughing

He couldn’t tell if it was from shock or denial

Everything made sense

His ominous ability to tell how people died

How long they would live for

So you are telling me Taeyong and Yuta are demigods too?

He looked between his mother and father

Yes, sons of Themis and Bia, respectively of course.

So that summer Jaehyun ended up going to camp with Taeyong

He didn’t feel that comfortable in the Hades cabin, and ended up rooming with Sicheng in the Achelios cabin instead

He also tended to help out with medical care when super dangerous competitions were taking place

If he remembered correctly, Sicheng asked him to because your weird ass ability to tell how long people have to live comes in handy so I can override it.

He said it with all smile on his face too, like people thought Jae was creepy

He is still actively attending uni, still the top student is his toxicology class, despite his prof throwing the hardest cases his way

HE EVEN GOT AN INTERNSHIP AT THE POLICE STATION YAY JAEHYUN

But camp is his life now

He never knew what he would have done if he didn’t have the support system that he did because of it

Yuta is his best friend

Partly because they are apparently first cousins

But also because they just mesh really well together

Whenever Yuta is fighting or practicing

He is there to makes sure to call game before anyone gets fatally injured

It actually got close one time

But other than that

His life is really normal

He eats out a lot

He studies a lot less than he should

He has made lasting friendships

And he has the hugest crush in the world that he refuses to reveal

hey , you

Just tell me! You know I can keep a secret from the hyungs!

Cue Jisung pestering him as they run the track at camp

How do I know that?

Taeyong still hasn’t found out that Chenle and I sneak out every Saturday to go to the arcade and that we were the ones who broke his cat mug.

Good Point.

Sooooo?

Still not telling.

Honestly though, not like it wasn’t obvious enough

Sometimes he wonders if everyone is oblivious to him staring at the back of your head while you run rounds for Sicheng

Or how his eyes follow your figure when he spots you in a crowd

Dude has it bad

And might be a little possessive too

He saw Taeil hug you once and he refused to talk to Taeil for a week

Until Kun saw what was going on and forced them to make up

But you

Girl you might have an even bigger crush

Who knew volunteering was so fun when you got to see Jaehyun every day

Highkey only Renjun knows that you both like each other

What? Renjun knows E V E R Y T H I N G

At least he is like ‘passively’ helping Jaehyun score a date with you

And by ‘passively’ I mean he straight up walked over to you and asked you if you would want to grab dinner with Jaehyun on Thursday, something about studying for toxicology finals

And by ‘passively’ I also mean him straight up telling Jaehyun that you were going to be a the hole in the wall diner on 53rd street a 7 o’clock and if he didn’t show up he was going to kick his ass

So you both showed up

You with study materials

And him with flowers

Johnny told him that flowers were always the way to go

And Jaehyun was beyond embarrassed and confused when you looked up and saw him standing there in a button down shirt that definitely wasn’t his holding a bouquet of flowers

And you were sitting there in sweatpants and your glasses falling down the bridge of your nose

So he did what he does best

Laugh it off

Oh, these are to thank you for helping me study.

Of course, you didn’t have to get me anything though.

In his head he is sitting there cussing Renjun out while also trying to create that empathy link with Yuta so he could tell Yuta to go beat his ass

But he brushed it off and starts studying with you

Only after ordering pecan pie and hot chocolate

Because everyone needs snacks for studying

Right

But you suddenly looked up and stared him straight in the eyes

Why do you even need my help? Aren’t you like top of this class, and IDK you can talk to dead people? Just ask them what happened.

Jaehyun is back to being embarrassed and this time he can’t laugh it off

Well– ummm— you see– Renjun— I—-

Oh for Zeus’ sake can’t you just say that little twerp set us up on a date?

Well… yeah, yeah he did.

YoU — umm— you can leave if you want, I understand if you don’t like me

Why would I leave. And you shouldn’t understand because you are a great guy, of course I like you.

You gave off a cheeky smile before stealing a bite of his pie

Y’all started off really casually

Like a group date here and there, nothing alone

Something in Jaehyun told him it wasn’t going to get serious unless he made the first move

Your father was probably to blame

Zeus was known for being a little aloof when it came to love

But Jaehyun

God Jaehyun had no guts whatsoever

Not until his best friend from New York came to town

Jameson had come to visit over his own spring break, claiming he wanted to see why Korea was so special and “Jeff” as he knew him, never returned to the US

And Jaehyun had taken you with him to the airport, better than dragging along Jeno or Jungwoo, who for some reason was terrified of planes themselves, and Yuta was out of town for a competition and Johnny was still passed out from last night’s party

And when Jameson stepped off the plane, he came barrelling towards Jaehyun, screaming JEFFFFFFERRRRRYYYYY as loud as he could and tackled him into a hug.

After that he began speaking in English a mile a minute

To say you were a deer caught in the headlights was an understatement

Jaehyun obviously wasn’t fazed, he was able to talk back to Jameson at the same speed, not even stuttering

So you felt kinda lost, shrinking away from the boistering boys, opting instead to starting rolling his friend’s luggage to the car

Jaehyun caught wind of your suddenly shy personality and cut off his friend to instead walk over to you

In a much calmer voice, and this time in a language you were actually able to understand, Jaehyun asked if you wanted to be introduced to his friend

You nodded and Jaehyun grabbed your wrist before shutting the trunk of the car.

Pulling you back over, Jaehyun spoke in English again

You could barely make out something along the lines of This is my friend, Y/N, daughter of Zeus.

You gave a small wave and bowed, hoping he wouldn’t speak to you directly, prompting you to speak in your broken tongue.

Just a friend, or something more? Jameson smirked at Jaehyun before looking back over at you

A friend that you can’t have. You couldn’t really understand what Jaehyun said but you could tell that whatever was said, he wasn’t happy about his friend’s comment.

After that you all got into the car where Jaehyun made you sit in the front seat, holding your wrist the entire time, in obvious view of Jameson

Things died down for a while and it went back to the usual

You were still on the track team (more like Pegasus Racing team but whatever)

And Jae came to cheer you on at every game

And Jae was still top of his classes @ KAIST

And you came to cheer him up when the workload got to much for him

But it STILL wasn’t serious

So one night

Specifically, Jameson’s last night in Korea

Everyone decided to head out to Hongdae to go club hopping (pls tell me you people know what club hopping is)

And you were all having fun, dancing, most were also drinking, especially Jameson

Jaehyun somehow ended up being DD after a brutal battle of scissors, paper, rock

So he was sitting there on the side lines, nursing straight tonic water watching everyone else get shit-faced drunk

You weren’t any better to be honest

Jameson started having a habit of trying to get you alone or get you to dance with him

So you thought that if you had to deal with that all night you had to have a couple shots in your system.

PSA TIME PEOPLE!!!!!! PSA!!!!! If someone in your group keeps trying to get you alone or get you to dance with them, both men and women, DO NOT I repeat DO NOT resort to drinking to deal with it. If they don’t get the hint by you avoiding them, tell them straight to their face that you don’t want to be with them. If they still don’t get the hint, seriously consider just leaving wherever you are. Under no circumstances is it okay for them do that. PSA OVER!!!!

Jaehyun had been watching you try to avoid Jameson from the bar all night and after Jameson came up behind you and grabbed your waist he was done

The vision of fully sober, properly pissed off, ready to throw punches Jaehyun was not a pretty sight

Thankfully, at the moment he had enough self-control in his system to not deck his friend straight in the throat

He instead opted to grab your wrist, much more forcefully than last time, and drag you out the back door of the club into the alley way

Then, much more gently, backed you into the wall of the club

He was so close that you could feel his breath on your forehead

Muttering to himself in English, you couldn’t understand what he was saying

Suddenly he looked down and his eyes kept snapping from yours to your lips

I’m probably going to do something I regret right now

Poor you couldn’t even understand him because of him still speaking in English

Next thing you know he was kissing you, pushing you up further against the wall, wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer

After he let go, worry flashed across his face, like he finally realized something

Oh my god, did that bastard hurt you?

He started checking your arms and wrists, even running his hands along your waist to make sure there wasn’t bruising there

For once, Jaehyun actually had the guts

He ended up calling everyone rides, and left early with you so he could take you out on an ‘official first date’

To an ice cream shoppe

Mind you average temps in Korea during, let’s say March is still around 28 degrees Fahrenheit @ night

He realized his mistake after seeing you sit there in the booth, shivering as you picked up your ice cream

So he quickly shrugged off his jacket, wrapping it around your shoulders and grabbing your hands in his to warm them up

First date was still a success in his mind

And all the dates there after

Renjun takes full credit for your relationship, but so does Sicheng, they actually fight about this

Jameson actually isn’t in Jaehyun’s life anymore

And Jaehyun is madly in love with you

Proposes after he graduates, in front of all of his friends, @ the stupid little hole-in-the-wall diner that he claims was his first real date with you

While they all scream JEFFFERRRRYYYY in the background.

really tho, Yuta has it on tape, along with Doyoung forced feeding Jaehyun wine, and him sleep talking about your first official date, all of which he plays at your guy’s wedding

Good luck having all of these idiots as brother in laws :::)))))

[brainbuffering]

Denki Kaminari: Accidental Epileptic Icon

[ID: A digital drawing of Denki Kaminari from My Hero Academia. He has a bi grin on his face as he gives out two peace signs. He is wearing a Purple TShirt that says “THIS IS WHAT A DISABLED PERSON LOOKS LIKE” on it.] 

By this point I think I may just be becoming an Epileptic!Kaminari blog, but since the DVD/BluRay just came out I thought I'd cross-post from my Fandom Twitter about why I am so passionate about this headcanon.

There have been plenty of electricity based Superheroes in the past: Static, Black Lightning, Surge, and Thor to name but a few. What marks Denki apart though is the intense NEGATIVE side effects his power has.

There's a trap writers often fall into when creating disabled heroes, where the hero's disability actually grants them some immense power e.g.: Daredevil's superior hearing and reflexes. Denki's quirk does not make his life easier, but much like kids on meds, he's learnt to control it. Mostly.

When Denki releases a sudden and much too intense amount of electricity his brain short circuits, causing him to lose some level of brain function. His dopey expression and dropped gaze could be read as a variety of seizure types. I go with Absence, coz I'm a narcissist.

Not only this, but Denki's "Derp Mode" contains many of the symptoms of a Postictal State ("the altered state of consciousness after an epileptic seizure"). These include, but are not limited to: drowsiness, confusion and headaches. Again, sound familiar? Now, if I believed this was a DELIBERATE attempt at representation I'd be frustrated and a little insulted. There are problematic elements within his "Derp Mode", but when you're epileptic you take what you can get. Which is… overall? Not a lot.

Seriously, take a second to try and think of, say, three explicitly stated epileptic characters in mainstream media... Pretty tough, huh? Even Google can't really help you. Our representation is mostly limited to murder victims.

"How did he die?"

"Well, the super computer didn't like that he tried to turn it off, so it flashed lights at him until he had a seizure and died!"

This is an actual plot line from Elementary. Yeah. It sucks. Back to anime!

Denki's struggle for control is what makes him relatable. He has episodes during regular classes that detract from his learning. His friends make fun of his "derp mode", the period where he's the most vulnerable. These aren't NICE things, but they are all too relatable. He could be criticised for taking too many risks, and trying to use too much of his power at once without thinking it through. This is what we experts call "being a teenager".

From my personal experience, your teen years are when you start to really discover what your triggers are. You try to push yourself, find where your limit is and maybe even try to rebel against it. Perhaps with enough practice you can break those limits and be cured! (Spoiler: You can't be.)

Pushing limits could mean: not taking your medication, staying up late, watching films with flashing lights etc. So when I see Denki being too gun-ho about using his quirk- that's what I see: a teenager testing his limits and making mistakes.

But I also see him LEARNING from those mistakes. He pushes his voltage limit up slowly, testing it in a safe environment with support staff around. He has aids to help refine his technique and prevent overload. His level of self-control from Two Heroes to Heroes Rising is remarkable!

So that brings us back round to the film, and why I cried in the cinema, admittedly on my 4th watch. (I had a pass. I made the most of it.) The answer is: Kaminari knowingly and painfully pushing his limit to save the island. Specifically I am talking about the scene where the power has gone out across the island, and it is Kaminari's job to charge the emergency batteries Momo created to bring power back to mainframe units.

We see him and Momo struggling to produce these generators. They require more energy than they possess, but without them they're doomed. When Jiro suggests they take a break Denki replies "If I don't charge these [batteries] now I won't get to"

This hit home. I have been in that situation. I've had to pull an all nighter. I've had to wake up too early, too often. I've been so stressed that I can feel the tell tale signs of a seizure on the horizon… but I had to push through it. Once that feeling of an oncoming seizure begins there is no taking a break. There is no five minute gap, I have to complete my tasks, be it handing in coursework or stacking shelves, right then coz I'm gonna be flat on my bed in 10 minutes regardless.

That's what I saw in Denki, and in Momo. The familiar pain of knowing the worse is coming, knowing there's nothing you can do, but the pressure of the immediate task means you can't stop. All because, for you, pushing your limits has deadly consequences. For the first time we saw Denki's "Derp Mode" played as a consequence with little to no comedic element. This wasn't "Silly Denki thinking he can do it all! No he can't!" or "Look at his derpy face, how funny it is so make him suffer!"

Denki's loss of awareness was a sign that he had been acting as a hero. He'd given his all for his friends and the islanders. In his next scene we saw him attending a meeting in a Postictal State. He has nothing more to give, but he was still included in the group.

I've never really seen that before. I've never been given a chance to explore those feelings through media. It made me process my life and my choices. Through Denki's extraordinary situation, I was able to look at my ordinary life more clearly.

Denki was me. Denki was me age 10 missing things in class and thinking I was an idiot. He was me age 14, losing friends because they thought I was ignoring them. He was me age 19 at Uni, hiding under a desk during hand-in because my brain couldn't cope anymore. He was me age 24 realising I had to quit my retail job because I couldn't keep up with the long hours; my seizure count going from 1 a month to 3 a day. He's me age 26 crying as I write this.

Representation matters. Seeing yourself represented let's you understand parts of your life you never got to before. It helps you feel seen, like your struggles matter to other people. Denki isn't perfect, but he’s all we have. And I love him.

[degrassi-fanatic]

I came here from AO3 because the only way I know how to cope with uni stress is by reading excessive amounts of fanfic - and all of yours have HIT THE SPOT. They are incredible and I’m in love!!! Also I have not necessarily a request so much as a question - would you consider writing a Part 2 to The Bet? Maybe where the team finds out exactly how long Hotch and Reid have been together and whining about losing their money? Also - and this is a ridiculous idea I had but I’m not skilled so I’m passing it onto you - just imagine JJ and Reid getting into a competition to see who can propose to their respective partners first (bonus points if Emily and Hotch are doing something similar and they’re all just very gay and competitive)

thanks for your suggestions! i decided to not write the proposal competition BUT, i did write part 2 to The Bet. 

Here you go ! It picks up right where the first part left off. 

As Reid slowly disentangles his body from Aaron’s own, he hears several complaints being voiced from behind the two of them. 

“Oh, come on! This is not fair!” he hears Morgan exclaim, “Clearly you two are in a relationship!”

In front of him, Reid watches as Aaron dips his head in embarrassment, the tips of his ears burning bright red. At his expense, he lets out a little laugh while smoothing out the lapels of his suit jacket. Once he’s made sure he looks somewhat presentable, he takes Aaron by the hand and leaves him over to where their outraged group of friends are standing.

“You rigged the damn bet!” Prentiss accuses as she moves the mug full of money away from them, “There’s no way you’re getting this money now.”

“Hey!” Reid says, “I earned this money fair and square.”

“Well,” Garcia starts, “You might be able to get this money if we get some details.”

Right away, there’s an uproar of agreements and affirmations from the team. They all nod around at each other. Soon, Morgan is dragging a lounge chair over to Reid and with one swift shove at his chest, Reid falls into the seat with an ‘umph’.

“Okay...” Aaron mumbles as he eyes the group around them, “I’m going to go back to work.”

Before he can make a break for it, Reid snatches up his hand. He tugs on it until Aaron’s reluctantly hovering behind his chair. 

“Nuh-uh,” Reid says as he twists his head around to look at him, “If I have to do this, so do you.”

For a moment, Aaron looks as though he is about to argue with him. Then, a resigned look washes over his face and it seems that he’s decided that it’s easier to give in to all of their antics and get it over with. 

The team begins to crowd around them. All of them standing with firm expressions and their arms crossed against their chests, while they stare down at the two of them. 

“How long?” Rossi questions. 

“Two years, four months, and 3 weeks, and 6 days.” Reid answers easily. 

“Who else knows?” Morgan pipes up from over Rossi’s shoulder. 

This time it’s Aaron’s turn to answer. 

“Jack. Jessica…” and after some quiet contemplation, “Seaver.”

As expected, the whole team breaks out into a chorus of gasps and what can only be described as sounds of betrayal. They all turn to look at each other with agape mouths and the same amount of hurt in their eyes.

Reid rolls his eyes at their reaction.

What a bunch of drama queens.

“Seaver!” JJ shouts, “Oh, unbelievable!”

“Unforgivable!” Garcia adds with a finger pointed at the two of them. 

“She walked in on us once.” Aaron explains calmly in the face of their outrage, “It wasn’t our choice.”

“Okay, okay,” Rossi says, “Be honest, have you two ever done it in my mansion?”

Aaron’s hand settles on the nape of his neck. Craning his head to be able to look up at him, Reid shares a look with Aaron before turning back to face their friends once more. 

The two of them nod sheepishly.

Reid watches as Rossi brings his thumb and forefinger up to rub at his temples. Then, he’s stepping away from the rest of the team to stride over to the kitchenette. He begins to make himself another cup of coffee. Reaching inside of his suit jacket, Rossi pulls out a small metal flash and pours the contents into his mug. 

“Dave!” Aaron exclaims once he realizes what he’s doing.

“Let me have this, Aaron!”

Before anyone can say or do anything else, Prentiss lets out a shrill shriek in front of them, startling everyone in the room. 

“Oh my God!” she shouts, scrunching up her eyes and shaking her hands at shoulder level, “That time in Arkansas when I was in the room beside Reid’s! That racket in the shower wasn’t from Reid falling, it was from you two doing it!”

“Okay!” Morgan cuts in loudly, “I think we’re done talking here.”

“I hope you know that you’re all terrible profilers.” Garcia comments as she scans the team, “I mean, me, I’m a technical analyst, but you guys get paid to do this stuff.”

“Can I get my money now?” Reid asks.

At his question, JJ’s eyes light up suspiciously. She picks up the mug full of cash and hands it over to him with a smirk on her face. With caution, Reid accepts the mug. 

“Yeah,” she answers, “You can use it to buy dinner for the whole team tonight.”

Sighing, Reid shuts his eyes and lets his head hang in defeat. Behind him, Aaron strokes the side of his neck soothingly.

[wayward-pendragon]

My favourite animated shows on Netflix

Hi y’all! Hope everyone is doing well and staying safe☺️ bc uni is soooo stressful I have been coping by rewatching some of my fav cartoons on Netflix and I thought I’d share! It’s a small list so if anyone has any recommendations leave a comment or send me a message!! (I’m not including any animes bc otherwise we would be here all day)

Avatar: The Last Airbender (my literal fav show ever) (3 seasons, 61 episodes)

I can’t even begin to describe how absolutely amazing this show is. I have been doing an annual rewatch of ATLA for just over a decade now, and I love it. I’m pretty sure most people are familiar with the show but for those are you who are not, it is set in a world where people can control the elements and the avatar is the only one that can master all 4 and keeps in the peace in the world. After the fire nation starts a war to basically take over the world, the avatar mysteriously vanishes and is discovered 100 years later by 2 siblings. This follows their journey as the avatar must learn to master all of the elements and bring peace to the world once again. This is a really trash summary but the overall premise, characters, THE SOUND TRACK, and literally aspect of this show is phenomenal and I can’t recommend it enough. If you like this one, the second series Legend of Korra is also amazing, sadly it was taken of Netflix for my region tho.

Voltron: Legendary Defender (8 seasons, 76 episodes)

Giant robotic space lions. That’s the show. Just ur average ragtag squad fighting to protect the galaxy from evil alien invasion... with giant space lions. I went into this show knowing very little and really I think that made me enjoy it more. The characters are fantastic and the world is so much fun. This show made me laugh and cry and cheer, it really deserves all the hype it got when it was airing (maybe not the last season tho.. don’t come for me plz). The fights scenes were so sick and this show was just honestly so good plz watch it.

Miraculous Ladybug (77 episodes on Netflix +1 of the movies, on-going)

Oh boy here we go. This cartoon originally aired in France, but got soooo popular that its now dubbed in 5 languages on Netflix. I watched both the English and French versions as French is my second language and it helps to keep my comprehension skills intact (both versions are 👌👌). The show follows 2 high schools students who were chosen to protect Paris from evil. This crime fighting duo work together as Ladybug and Cat Noir, but must keep their identities a secret, even from each other. You can imagine what kind of situations this leads to 😂. This show is so creative and precious, it’s really cute but can also pull at your emotions which really surprised me. The characters are 10/10 and the love fricken square makes you want to pull your hair out but I am sooooo invested at this point. Netflix has the episodes in a really funky or so I suggest reading some Reddit posts or consulting TikTok/youtube to find the best order.

The Dragon Prince (27 episodes, on-going)

Honestly the animation style is what originally drew me to the show, but I stayed for the adorable characters and their adventures. The animation is gorgeous I really enjoy the direction they took the art style for this show! The characters are also sooo cute and everyone has their own little mission or back story, it’s just a fun adventure show with magic and a whole bunch of fun creatures. The very simplified summary is that 2 brothers (princes) end up having to go on adventure to protect the egg of the dragon prince and return it to its mother to bring peace to their land. It kinda ended?? But I think it’s been picked up for a whole ass saga so I highly recommend checking it out.

Pokémon: Indigo league (52 episodes on Netflix, 80 eps total)

Okay this one is a little controversial because I’m pretty sure it’s technically considered anime but this shit was my childhood. Whenever I don’t know what to watch or need something playing in the background I always put on indigo league. It just brings back that nostalgia and I love it so much. If you have not watched this already or are look for a little nostalgia, indigo league is for you.

[strugglingsophieee]

What I’ve learned in 2020:

2020 was a year full of lessons, here are few mine:

1.   Mental health is as important as physical health.

This year has been a total mess when it comes to my mental health. I’ve hit a rock bottom I never thought I would. The amount of stress that I had to go through this year because of my exams resulting in completely changing my life and because of covid of course, is truly indescribable for me. My panic attacks became the most daunting thing in my life. It got so bad, that I completely stopped myself from going out, even to get groceries. I thought “well this is what my life has come to- I’ll never be able to get out of my house ever again”. Fortunately, I was wrong. In mid - August I decided to seek professional help from a psychologist. I still go to her and I can proudly and honestly say that she has helped me so much in my anxiety- journey. I still learn how to cope with stress and panic attacks, but I see a huge progress between August and December. There’s still a long way for me to go, but I’m ready to tackle all the obstacles life has for me. 💪🏻

Why did I write this? I did this, because 2020 has shown me that mental health should never EVER be forgotten about. I used to never pay attention to it, I would always brush it off.. and well, me neglecting that part of my life has finally made an appearance this year with a double- strong impact. I feel like this year has been a total roller coaster for all of us. So many people experienced emotions they never thought they would experience. So many people noticed how caught up they are in their everyday life and don’t pay enough attention to their mental wellbeing. Taking care of my physical health was always somewhat important, but this year I realized that taking care of my mental health is just as important as physical activity. Please, if you need any sort of support don’t be afraid or hesitate to seek help from a professionals. 🌿

Here are some ig accounts I follow, which can bring you comfort as well:

https://www.instagram.com/wetheurban/

https://www.instagram.com/sunnybloominspiration/

https://www.instagram.com/myselflovesupply/

 2.  It’s okay to end friendships you don’t feel good in or get rid of people in your life who don’t feel supportive of you.

Let me tell you a little story. In high school (fyi I graduated this year) I used to be friends with these 3 girls, but in fact only one of them I could call my good friend. The rest 2 of them, just got on with us pretty well (well, more with the other girl). We used to be “best friends” since our first year till the very end. However, halfway through our friendship I noticed that I feel very lonely. These 3 girls used to stick with each other in school all the time, while I felt just like an addition to them. They literally have hundreds of photos together from different occasions (including prom!), and each and every one of them is without me. They used to meet during vacations, and write about it on our groupchat. I specifically remember when one of them couldn’t meet one day, and they instantly changed the date of the meeting. Then, when I wrote “hey I can’t meet you guys on this day :((” and I kid you not were like “aww that’s sad”… like.. what? Since you’re not changing the date does that mean I’m not as important to you as the other girl?..

 To this day I don’t know whether they have any contact with each other, but I do feel like they do. Honestly, the number of times when I felt lonely in this “friendship” is insane, and I finally see that. I look at this period of time from a different perspective and honestly this entire “friendship” was just a sh*tshow in my opinion. I felt constantly judged by them, especially by this one girl who I just knew didn’t really like me but still referred to me as “friend” not to make any kind of fight. They would hardly ever support me or listen to me. They would make fun of my anxiety and my panic attacks. I feel like they were also limiting me at some point. What’s kind of funny is that they didn’t remember about my birthday but I did remember theirs. I would always care about them but they would never care about me.

As I said, I feel like they still keep in touch with each other. I limited any kind of contact with them and never spoke to them since like July. Even though we didn’t officially end our “friendship”… I feel like by parting our ways we somewhat did… and it feels so good to finally say that I’m free. Before you ask me “why didn’t I tell them how I feel earlier?”… well, I always felt like I am a burden and make a big deal out of nothing, but now as I look at this relation from a perspective…I should have done this a long time ago.

2020 was a huge year for me when it comes to friendships. I realized that my companion as a friend should be valued more than I thought. I will not waste any more time on people who treat me like that.. who don’t deserve to call me their “friend”. I’ll stand up for myself from now on. I am me, and if that’s not “enough” for you, then that’s your problem. 💋

 3.   It’s all about finding balance.

What I mean by that is that the same amount of effort you put in your work/ uni/ school should be the same amount of effort you put in your free time. After telling my therapist how much I worked throughout the week she told me that by the age of 25 I would be totally burned out from overworking myself. In fact I did experience this in June, when I used to study so hard for my exams, that not only I didn’t give myself any space to relax which resulted in my anxiety rising up but also I lost almost 8 kg due to stress. I don’t want to experience this ever again. It was a very dark time for me, which I’m still recovering from to this very day (see point 1.). Finding a balance between studying / working and giving yourself that “me time” is the key to staying sane for me. For example, I set some rules that I apply in my everyday life, one of them says: After 8 pm. I close my books and I finish studying for the day. I turn on my favorite show, grab snacks and just chill…Small steps like this can lead to a huge progress in the future and may help you stop that process of being overworked.

4.  Self-care is not egoistic.. it’s absolutely normal.

No matter what that is, whether it’s working out, cooking, baking, going on a walk, doing your makeup / skincare routine or anything else.. Do whatever makes you happy and don’t feel guilty for it. We all deserve to have some time just for ourselves, especially in this crazy world we live in. 🧖‍♀️🌍

5.  Don’t take anything for granted.

I feel like it’s self-explanatory at this point. Especially when it comes to health and your family. Life is completely unpredictable. A year ago I would never believe if someone would say “well.. this is what 2020 looks like”… Make sure to hug your family members a bit tighter, reach out to a friend you haven’t talked to in a while to see how they’re doing and most importantly- wear a mask! 😷

6.  It’s okay to fail.

As Abraham Lincoln said "It's not about how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up." It’s okay to don’t feel amazing every day or to fail an exam. It’s all about what kind of lessons you get out of it and what you can learn from this experience. 💫

7.   Don’t beg someone to give you attention.

As the saying goes “If they wanted to, they would”. As I said earlier, if  me being me is not interesting for you.. it’s your loss. I’m not going to beg somebody to text me or send me an Instagram DM.. hell nah. 👸

8.    It’s time to focus on yourself.

I think it’s time for me to finally put all the effort I’d put into making others happy into me. It’s time I keep on grinding with my uni stuff and my workout routine. It’s time to take care of my mental health. It’s time to find new hobbies and stick with them. It’s. Time. For. Me. 👏💖👑

 Well, that’s it. I hope you guys found some of those advices / lessons helpful. Let me know what you’ve learned during this crazy year!

 Stay safe,

Soph xx

[propertyofwicked]

Your a-z s are so good!! Omg you’re so talented☺️ could you possibly do one for George? We would all love that💕

thank you anons for these requests. im quite busy atm so im sorry if other requests take a while and thank you for being patient with me.

a-z of dating george mackay

a - argue

neither you or george are shouters, instead you go very quiet when something goes wrong or upsets either one of you. george would huff and mumble, until one of you grew the balls to talk through the issue. you’d be sat on the sofa and he’d just come and sit facing you, taking your hands in his and press his lips to them softly. this was his way of saying he was ready to talk.

b - body (his favourite body part of yours)

george loves your lips and your cheeks. he loves watching you talk, how your mouth moves and he loves how effortlessly your voice tumbles out. he loves how your smile grows when you laugh, small dimples forming in your cheeks - it was enough to make him smile with you. he loves to kiss your lips and your cheeks. whether it was a quick peck here and there or when he’d push you up against a wall and kiss you till you couldn’t breathe. he loved to kiss your lips till they went redder and more plump. 

c - care (caring for each other when you’re sick)

when george is ill, he pulls you back into bed anytime you get up, claiming he’s cold and needs your body warmth. whilst you’d comply, you also had stuff you needed to get on with. so you’d sit next to his sleeping figure, trying to quietly type on your laptop or write into your notebook. when you’re ill, george waits on you all day. he’d constantly ask if you needed a drink or food and if you’re being sick, he’ll follow you to the bathroom and hold your hair back. he’d gently rub small circles into your back and carry you back to your bed, when you were too weak to walk alone.

d - dates (what do you guys do?)

being an actor, george loves to take you to the cinema to watch new films that he’d seen about, or heard about at awards nights. sometimes, you’d go and see films that his friends or previous co-workers were in. you’d share popcorn and he’d let you rest your head on his shoulder whilst his arm was wrapped around your shoulders. afterwards, you’d maybe go out for dinner or to a coffee shop, and he’d love to have a discussion with you about the film, what you liked and didn’t, the directing, filming, acting. by the end of the evening, the entire film would’ve been deeply analysed by the two of you and you’d have it no other way.

e - engagements (how he proposed) 

he’d take you out to dinner, to celebrate your birthday or anniversary, and after the meal, you’d take a walk back to your flat or the car. but, then he’d take a diversion and say he just wanted to show you something. next thing you know, you’re standing on the rooftop of the cafe you met, staring up at the stars. whilst you were looking away, he’d get down on his knee and then cough slightly to gain your attention. he had planned a small little speech, which went the window the moment you turned around. he tells you how much he loves you, what he loves about you, what he sees in the future for you two, and you can’t help but say yes. 

f - friends and family (do they like you/him?)

george’s family were initially weary of your relationship. not because they didn’t like you, but because of how long george spent away from home working. they feared you would both end up ending it soon because you couldn’t cope. as soon as they met you, however, they saw how relaxed george was - different to his typically stressed exterior. when he was away, his mum invited you round for dinner, and his sister was similar in age, so you had a lot in common.

your family feared he would be a distraction from your studies, but once they saw your relationship thriving, they had no fears. your dad liked that he was politically aware and into football, whilst your mum liked the fact he was active in feminism (#pussypower)

g - gifts

when george went away for filming, he’d bring you home stuff. they could be really simple, such as local delicacies or fridge magnets. something simple, that was a small reminder of him every time you opened the fridge. 

h - how you met

you met in a cafe. you were sat in the corner, typing away at a script you were working on, nothing official just something that kept you occupied. he happened to take the table next to you and notice you furiously typing away your ideas, jotting down notes in the book next to you. he stood up and walked over to you. 

“um, hi. i’m george.”

“hi?”

he told you about him being an actor, asked what you were working on and then asked to read. he complimented your work, and you gave him your number to “keep him updated and ask for advice”. he made a habit of going back to the cafe every day that he could, just to see you. he’d take a seat opposite you and didn’t mind when the two of you sat in silence. 

i - intimacy (how often are yall getting down)

oh that man may seem innocent, but he will take you any time, any where. when he came home, the first thing he’d do is take you to your bedroom. he’d go slow savouring the moment - similar to how he would be the night before he had to leave. and the morning. and maybe before he got in the taxi. and then maybe he’d send you some suggestive texts. he lead you to toilets at awards shows for a quickie, or just lay you down on the sofa and go to town. 

j - jealousy

when you come to set, some of his male co workers got a little bit close. when you were gone, they’d make jokes to george - he laugh outwardly but inside he was seething. it was easy to feel jealous of people you interacted with when he was away, much as it was for you to be of him working with loads of people, that his character was physically intimate with. however, it didn’t take much for either of you to remind the other of your love ;)

k - kinks

idk if this is a kink but hickies. george loves to litter your neck, chest, stomach and inner thighs with small bruises. he loves seeing a quick flash of the marks whenever your shirt rides up, or your towel exposes a few. he very much loves to mark his territory, as much as likes to see marks you’ve left on him. 

l - long distance

a lot of your relationship had been spent long distance, with him working away for 1917 and then the history of the ned kelly gang. every night, you facetimed, till one of you fell asleep, but you’d mostly just do your usual evening routine, just hundreds of miles apart. you’d cook your dinner at the same time, shower, and then sleep. it felt as if you were together, just through a screen. you were obviously limited to what you could do but there was many things you could do to replace what was physically missing. it didn’t take a massive toll on your relationship, but george found it really hard to see you struggling and knowing he couldn’t be there to help - and vice versa. 

m - moving in

george asked you to move in, over facetime, whilst he was away filming 1917. he said he wanted to come home to your face every evening, and his flat wouldn’t feel like home without you there. his flat was closer to your uni/work place as it was, so even though you were quite early on into your relationship, it was ideal. whilst he was away, you kept the flat in order every time george came home, he damn near welled up at the thought of you being there waiting for him, in difference to the usual cold, empty flat. 

n - nights out 

being a student, you went out a lot with your friends. often when george was away, so he’d be delighted to wake up to barely legible texts from you. when he was home, however, the two of you found yourself going to a local pub with dean and some of your other friends and taking part in the pub quiz or darts. sometimes you’d just watch the game that was on.

o - open with each other

initially, you both found it hard to talk to each other, but as all good people do, he had a catharsis. he broke down, relaying all his stresses onto you, to which you comforted him and talked him through it. he can sense when your bottling it up, and even though you’re not massively open with him naturally, he knows when to ask you to talk, and you do, knowing he will be there to support you.

p - pda

george isn’t a massive fan of pda, but he would hold your hand when you walk through town, and when you accompanied him to award shows, his hand would be firmly stationed on your lower back, his fingers rubbing small circles. he’d press soft, small pecks onto your cheek, or your forehead or sometimes, just the simplest act of raising your hand and kissing your knuckles softly would be enough to comfort you. 

q - questions (what you talk about late at night?)

you talk about your day usually. it’ll start of as being, “i cant sleep” which will then turn into either one of you starting to talk about something funny that happened or just an overview of how your day went. this would go on until you managed to fall asleep, you soft breathing lulling george into his own sleep.

r - reproduction (do you want kids?)

george wants kids, in fact he definitely has notes on his phone of baby names that he wants to bring up with you. however, he respects your decisions and only wants what you want. he lives by “her body, her decision” but it is something he will ask you one night, casually. to which you respond however you feel.

s - surprising (what surprised you about him)

he loves to dance. if a song is playing in the background or on the radio, he’ll stand up and dance. in the kitchen, he’ll take a wooden spoon and sing into it. then take your hand and twirl you around. he loves to slow dance with you under the stars and he loves to rock out with you, with air guitars and all.

t - together (what you do together)

as said before, you watch a lot of films and programmes together. you also write a lot together, carpooling ideas into scripts or stories. his imagination is phenomenal. sometimes, you’d go on road trips, and he’d have control of the aux. he’d play songs to you, to see if you knew them, and he’d serenade you with ABBA non stop. anything you did was made 10x better when you did it together.

u - under the influence (drunk vibes)

drunk george is the softest man alive. he just wants to cuddle and tell you how madly in love he is with you. he’d press kisses all over your face and then pull you in close, to squeeze you tightly. when you’re drunk he loves to watch you get up to your antics, only intervening when it got dangerous or illegal. drunk together was a whole other force to be reckoned with. you’d both be doing stupid stuff until someone else had to step in. drunk you and sober you were both madly in love with george, just sober you was more willing to show absolutely everyone.

v - vacations

george definitely takes you to an island somewhere, like malta. or maybe he’d take you to a greek island. you’d spend the entire time exploring the city or the local markets, soaking up the local atmosphere and the sun. he’d defo get all artsy, taking photos of you from behind as you walked, the sun shining down on you angelically. 

w - wedding

the cutest wedding ever. no cap. outside, in summer. you’d chosen a outside area, like a greenhouse kinda room, surrounded by the most beautiful flowers. the reception was afternoon tea in a little marquee. the next day, you had a family meal, where your two families came together to celebrate the two of you.

x - xray (when he’s hurt)

let’s say he injured himself on the set of 1917. a piece of rubble in the bunker scene fell and trapped on his arm, cutting it wide open. whilst it didn’t put him completely out of working, it did require him to go to hospital for stitches. it happened that you were on set on these days so accompanied the whole way. you held his hand as the nurse gave him stitches, and though he didn’t look scared of the needle, you could tell he was slightly panicking at the size. you walked with him back to the trailer where dean sat waiting, laughing slightly has a pale george sauntered up to him, you pulled into his side.

y - you (a random headcanon) 

imagine that you both innocently take a shower together. “saving water” or something like that. george would spend his time massaging shampoo in your scalp and then brushing his fingers through it as the water washed it out. he’d turn around and you lather him in soap, your hands rubbing his shoulders, tense from a week of working. it wasn’t much but it was the little things that allowed the two of you to wind down at the end of a busy week.

z - zzzzzzzzzzzz’s (sleeping routine)

whilst you wouldn’t admit to being tired, george would watch you as you sat next to him, your eyelids falling heavy and your blinks getting longer and longer. he’d stand up himself, then hold out his hand for you to take. you’d follow him up the stairs and whilst he was brushing his teeth, you’d change into your pyjamas and then you’d swap. as you wander back into the room, george would hold out his arms for you to climb into, your head burying into the crook of his neck. nights like this, it was easier to fall asleep quickly.

[hellitwasyoufirstsergeant]

Hi everyone! I’m not really sure why I’m posting this here, I suppose because I’m not ready for people I know ‘irl’ to see this, and this is the only account I have anywhere where none of my irl friends follow it. As to why I’m posting this at all, I’m not so sure either. I suppose largely for myself, in the hope that it will exorcise some demons, and partly for other people, because eating disorders just are not discussed enough and perhaps by posting this I can show someone else that they’re not alone. 

There may be mistakes in this and it may not all be 100% coherent, I found it hard to write and I didn’t wish to read it back over.

WARNING: The following post contains discussions of eating disorders and mental health issues. Please do not read if this is a trigger for you, and please not not read if you’re only here to pass judgement 

Looking back now, it’s so easy to realise why I felt the way I did, and to see my descent into mental illness. At the time, it was confusing as hell. I wasn’t diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and clinical depression until I was 17, although I had been suffering from both for six years already, I just didn’t realise it, because I just didn’t know they existed. I didn’t know there were medical conditions to describe how I felt, perhaps if I did I wouldn’t have felt so alone and so alienated. It wasn’t until last year that I realised I’d suffered from an eating disorder. Before that, I didn’t know that binge eating was an eating disorder. 

The words ‘eating disorder’ to me conjured up images of skeletal bodies, of people making themselves sick. I wish that preteen and teen me knew that I was suffering from an actual condition, that other people suffered from too. 

I don’t recall specifically the first time I binged on food, but over autumn (fall) of 2011 it became a regular occurrence, a habit. It was my way of coping with the changes in my life - starting a new school, my mum being diagnosed with a clinical illness and an increasingly fractured relationship with my dad - and my feelings of loneliness. I was also self conscious about my body, I was in a more advanced stage of puberty than most of my peers and I was aware of the fact that I was a little overweight. Bingeing became an outlet for feelings that I couldn’t understand, and therefore that I couldn’t process. 

It was a process that I repeated regularly for six years. It was like a paradox, the more I looked at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw, the more I binged, the very thing that made me carry on putting on weight. I was overweight, I still am today, but I wish that I could have seen myself the way others saw me - slightly chubby but not the ugly monster I thought myself at the time. I ate my feelings away, it was the only coping mechanism I knew. Even when in some ways my life improved - when I was 14 I finally fell in with a group of friends who were kind and who made me feel accepted - my mental state continued to decline and I continued to eat to cope. I was also feeling confused about my sexuality, something that increased my sense of alienation and otherness. It was often the only thing that got me through the day, the only thing that made life bearable to me. 

I never confided the way I felt or my problem with food to anyone during this period. My mum knew that I had issues with food, twice she found hidden stashes in my bedroom. She has been a good parent to me, but I so wish she’d handled it differently. She made me feel ashamed, something that made me more determined to hide my problem and therefore to not confront it. I think perhaps that she would’ve been a lot more understanding had she known the feelings behind the problem, but I didn’t know how to go about telling her. 

I can’t remember how old I was exactly when I shoplifted food for the first time, I think around 14. The £10 a week pocket money was no longer enough to fund my problem, even though I always chose the cheapest food so that I could buy as much as possible. I shoplifted semi regularly from the local supermarkets for around 18 months, I still don’t know how I was never caught. 

In September 2016, I started sixth form college. It was a fresh start that I so badly needed, my five years at secondary school having been so unhappy. It was hard to begin with, only my oldest friend went to the same college as me and old feelings of loneliness resurfaced. A part of me had hoped that the change of school would allow me to leave my bingeing habit behind, but it wasn’t to be. Even when I settled in and began making friends, I continued bingeing. 

New friends at college told me of their mental health issues, and I finally felt understood - there were other people who felt the way I did, other people who wanted to die. These feelings may not be normal, but I’m not alone anymore. Despite feeling accepted properly for the first time in my life, I continued to eat. Perhaps it was the stress of A levels (my fellow Brits know how fucking hard these are), or my mum’s decline in health, or my increasingly worsening relationship with my dad. 

In May/June time of 2017, my oldest friend, Imogen, who was one of a few friends now aware of my poor mental state, told me that I should go to the doctor. After a little persuading, I agreed. She came with me, but the appointment achieved nothing. I tried a few more GPs at my local surgery and eventually found one who made me feel listened to, and who was kind and sympathetic. I don’t recall the exact time I was diagnosed (to be honest this period in my life is a bit of a blur), but after some months I was finally diagnosed with GAD and clinical depression. I still continued to stay silent about my problem with food. 

Ironically, it was actually the further decline of my mental state that allowed me to break my old habit. My mental health had declined fairly slowly over the past few years, but the decline accelerated over autumn and winter of 2017. I don’t know if there was a trigger behind that, I guess mental health doesn’t need a reason. I didn’t know how to deal with the way I felt, I lashed out and fell out with Imogen, which hit me hard. We didn’t talk at all for three months. Before this period, I had often thought that things would be so much easier if I was dead, but my thoughts had never progressed beyond that. Now, it became more active. I actually wanted to die. I stopped looking when I crossed the road, I stopped looking after my physical health at all. Fears about hurting my mum were the only thing stopping me from taking it further. But, I finally stopped binge eating, so disinterested in life that even the that no longer made me feel better. 

My mental state didn’t take a turn for the better, but I grew used to these new feelings and started to process them properly. I got better at pushing them out, but I did eventually decide to tell my parents about my diagnoses. My mum was very supportive, she still is, my dad not so (although I probably should’ve expected that). I made up with Imogen, my behaviour started to normalise. I felt so free from my old bingeing habit, it had only been a few months but it felt like a lifetime ago. 

In February 2018, my mum told me that she’d be moving to Yorkshire. She’d been forced by her job to take early retirement due to ill health, she was only 50 at the time, and wanted to live somewhere cheaper so she could save on living costs and pay off her mortgage. I was scared, and considered for a time moving in with my grandparents so that I could stay in a place where I knew people, but eventually decided that I’d move with my mum. Still, despite the biggest change ever to happen in my life, I managed to avoid a return to my binge eating habit. I’m still not sure how. Perhaps now that the habit was broken it no longer had the hold over me that it once did. 

And then, around March 2018, my dad gave me £500. To this day I still have no idea why, I guess guilt. But it was so much more money than I’d ever had. The temptation not to spend any of it on food was too great. I decided to treat myself, I’d spend £100 on food and put the rest in my savings. 

By the time I finished college at the beginning of June, the entire £500 was gone, at least £450 of it spent on food. I still remember the binge I had the day after me and mum moved out of our old home and in with my grandparents, who we lived with for seven weeks before going to Yorkshire. My mental state declined still further, and I wasted most of those weeks in bed, not having the energy to do anything. I kicked myself later for not using it to spend time with the friends I was leaving behind. 

After we moved to Yorkshire in August, I spent two of the worst months of my life. My old feelings of loneliness resurfaced, not helped by the fact that one of my closest friends just stopped talking to me. I seemed to alternate between binge eating, my binges even bigger than they ever had been, and hardly eating at all. 

But, eventually, I managed to settle in. I got a job, I made new friends. I didn’t make a conscious decision to stop binge eating again, it just happened. I wasn’t lonely anymore, but my mental state didn’t seem to get any better. But, I had healthier ways of coping and I didn’t need to binge as an outlet for my feelings anymore. In September 2019, I started uni, and I finally felt like my life had a purpose. 

Now, I have more and better friends than I ever had. I’m glad I made the move to Yorkshire, where I live now is much nicer where I grew up and if I hadn’t made the move there are so many amazing people I wouldn’t have met. Most of my friends are aware of my mental health issues, although I rarely discuss them in detail. 

However, only one of my friends is aware of my eating disorder. I didn’t realise until last year that binge eating was classified as an eating disorder. I’m not quite sure why, but this discovery prompted me to finally confide in my oldest friend, Imogen. She was very supportive and understanding, and I know my other friends would be, but it’s still something where I look back and I’m like ‘woah that actually happened’. Putting it out of my mind as much as possible has been my way of coping with the fact that it did happen. I have been slightly more open online that I have irl about the fact that I had an eating disorder, but this is the first time I have discussed it this in depth with anyone. 

I’m going to say now what I wish preteen and teen me had known: you are not alone. Whether you’re suffering from an eating disorder, from mental health issues, or from something else, you are not alone. I can’t say truthfully that I have never regretted confiding in someone, but the majority of the time it has helped me, even in a small way. Please talk to someone if you have an eating disorder, be it a friend, a family member, a GP, a teacher, even me. It is nothing to be ashamed of. 

I stopped binge eating as a regular habit at the start of winter 2018. Although I relapsed a couple times last year, it’s been twelve months and counting since my last binge.