#i’m also bummed they’re doing pen’s book first but also IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE THE POINT IS ITS BEEN YEARS

[thewingedwolf]

i love the actress who plays queen charlotte in bridgerton but i refuse to watch That, esp when the first bev jenkins book they claim they’re adapting is the one i disliked, why is life so hard

[revol-lover]

so last year a lady contacted me on facebook saying she was my cousin, and turns out, she was. she’s my cousin on my mom’s paternal side. I guess theres a whole bunch of us who descended from 4 brothers and this lady has been working for years to make like a huge family tree of us all! it’s fascinating and goes so far back. I even got to see a photo my great great grandfather! 

who apparently was said to have clear blue eyes. It’s so interesting to learn these details. so she added me to the group and now my name, my husband and Julia and our photos are added to this massive family tree and they were supposed to be having a family reunion TODAY with everyone from the facebook group who could make it there (Azores). 

Both my parents were born there, both immigrated to the United States. My mom came with her parents as a kid when she was 11. My dad came, as an adult, to marry his pen-pal aka my mom, when he was 25. It sounds romantic but it really wasn’t. My dad’s aunt and uncle lived in the US already and they knew my mom’s parents so it was kind of a blind-date/arrangement thing. So anyway though, as a result of that I’m a 1st-Gen American.

Because of covid the family reunion had to be cancelled. i wasn’t able to go anyway because it’s expensive to fly out there. we do have a place we could’ve stayed, my dad’s parents still own a home there that all of the family uses when they visit (it aint nothing fancy though. it’s got these giant cock roaches that are common in island climates but freaked my new-england-raised-ass OUT when I visited once as a kid lmao) so if it weren’t for a) money b) my passport needs to be updated and julia doesnt have one c) people drive craaaazy there and i would need my dad to come with us to help me not only get to the town but to drive and while he would 100% do that at the drop of a hat, it would’ve been quite the coordination. but mostly a) and b) is what held me back. 

so i’m bummed i couldn’t go. and i probably wont be able to go next year when i think they’re rescheduling it to. but maybe someday i’ll be able to. and that really excites me because i love learning about my ancestry and i’ve always felt very connected to my roots because as a 1st generation american i was raised with more portuguese culture than american just by default. 

my parents brought me to the islands when i was 13 and it was one of the best experiences of my life. i havent been able to go back since but i really want to some day. especially to show Julia where we come from. but kevin’s family on his dad’s side are also from Azores so I’d love for him to experience it too. 

i can’t tell you how many times in my life i’ve thought about how slim the chance was of me being born in the usa was. like literally. it could have easily not happened. my grandparents were struggling and got the opportunity to come here on plane tickets that were bought with borrowed money.  things were really bad in the islands when they left. but if for some reason that didn’t work out i’d probably have been born there. that boggles my mind. 

anyway this is my mom’s town where the reunion would’ve taken place. this town is right on the coast.

and this is my dad’s town, where we’d stay if/when we visit someday, this town is inland.

i try not to romanticize it because i know that my grandparent’s left because of poverty but damn when the country they immigrated to is bursting at the seams and has donald trump for a president it’s hard not to sometimes wish things could’ve worked out differently. but then i would have a completely different life and it wasn’t meant to be that way but i digress. 

i could write a whole book about what its like to grow up as a first generation american. you’re always a little more “american” and understanding of american culture than your parents but you’re also less “american” and understanding/exposed to american culture than your friends whose parents aren’t immigrants. the best friends i’ve ever had were ones whose parents were also immigrants, not even necessarily Portuguese ones. just cause there’s this mutual understanding of how you grew up differently and how can live in one country but feel way more connected to the culture of another if that makes sense.