#i’m a religious studies student people have been asking me to watch this forever

[radios-universe]

i want to inform tumblr. i did the thing. (watched good omens for the first ever time)

[army-author]

(fic alert) all this stigma

➝ COMING 26/03/2021 18:00 GMT

➝ summary: your relationship with taehyung was supposed to stay strictly casual. yet, when you find yourself pregnant with his child, the walls you built up come crashing down around you. kim taehyung’s affluent family are strict and traditional, willing to do anything to cover up the indiscretions of their son, even if it means forcing him into marriage...

➝ pairing: heir taehyung x female reader

➝ genre: heavy angst, arranged marriage au

➝ warnings: profanity; lots of talk about losing virginity

[PREVIEW BELOW]

[Six years ago]

Your eyes are caught on Taehyung.

In Anise’s dorm room, with the scent of alcohol heavy in the air, all you can focus on is the man standing across from you. Anise had invited him over in the hopes of introducing you to some more people. As she said - “You need to put yourself out there more!”

You knew she was right. You’d spent the first term crammed in your dorm, studying, barely talking with anyone. In the middle of a corridor of dormitories, surrounded by hundreds of other students, you had felt inexplicably lonely. Part of your reasoning for becoming a hermit in your dorm room were the warnings you had received before you left for university. Your school had been very religious, shoving morals down your throat as you got ready to venture out into the real world. The world will try to corrupt you. They’ll try to entice you. Do not let yourself fall into temptation.

You were certainly slipping into temptation now as you looked at Taehyung. A unique curiosity pierced your heart as you watched him from across the room. Perhaps it was the spark in his black eyes that intrigued you. Perhaps it was the cut of his jaw. Perhaps it was the defined collar bone that suggested itself just above the white of his t-shirt. Whatever it was – it had clutched at your stomach with iron teeth as soon as he walked into the room.

Your mother had also warned you of the dangers of the world when you left home. “Some boys will try to entice you,” she had said. She was keen on the idea of remaining virtuous and pure – repeating all the ideas you had heard regurgitated at school assembly each week.

Perhaps that was why, after all this time, you were so desperate to go against her guidance.

Anise had decided that it was her mission to help you lose your virginity, and had taken it upon herself to introduce you to all her male friends.

You are all too happy to let her guide you through the murky uncertainty of hook-ups. Being so inexperienced yourself, you need all the help you can get.

But now, faced with the prospect of Taehyung, stood a couple of feet away from you, the idea of going over and striking up a conversation with him terrifies you. Everything about him radiates a confident sensuality. On top of that, you had heard rumours that his family was extremely wealthy – a far cry from your rural upbringing.

Gripping the ice cold beer bottle that Anise pushed into your hand earlier, you take a swig, hoping for a boost of confidence. With a deep breath, you walk over to Taehyung. “Hi,” you say by way of introduction. Not the most unique start to a conversation.

He turns his gaze to you, and up close, you are struck by how devastating his stare can be – dark eyes swirling with a galaxy of golden speckles, radiating light as he offers you a smile. “Hello. You’re Anise’s friend, right?”

You nod, “Yep. That’s me.”

His smile widens. With that smile, you begin to loosen up, slightly less intimidated at the prospect of speaking with such a beautiful man. “It’s nice to meet you,” he says, “I’m Taehyung.”

“I know,” you say, “Anise speaks about you a lot.” As soon as these words leave your lips, your cheeks heat with a desperate blush.

“Oh yeah?” Taehyung raises his eyebrows. There’s a smile in his voice, “What does she speak about?”

You swallow. You’ve backed yourself into a corner now. Despite all the advice Anise had tried to give, you were still your own awkward self, completely innocent to the secret art of flirting. Taking another sip of beer to soften the blow of your next words, you resign yourself to the truth. “Anise has decided that she needs to help me loose my virginity, so… she’s introducing me to all her male friends.” You can feel that your cheeks are hot with a flush, eyes stinging with embarrassment, “I… don’t know why I told you that...”

Taehyung simply laughs, “So that’s her deal, huh? I’m just some meat for you to hop on?” He quirks you a smile with raised brows; his heated gaze is enough to melt you down to a puddle.

“No, I didn’t mean...” you stammer.

“Relax,” he gives you a light tap on the arm, “I’m kidding.”

“Oh,” you swallow, the aftertaste of beer suddenly turning bitter. You get the sense you’ve fucked up any chance you had of establishing a relationship with Taehyung. Humiliated, you take another swig from your beer bottle.

“So,” Taehyung says, “You actually planning on losing your virginity tonight?”

You almost choke. Gasping for air, you wipe beer from your lips, “Excuse me?”

He laughs, “God, your face is hilarious!”

You stammer, as your cheeks only get hotter, “I wasn’t expecting you to… I mean… I didn’t think...”

His dark eyes watch carefully. The spark in those swimming irises still intrigues you, yanking you back against your better judgement.

“Did Anise decide that you needed to loose your virginity, or was that your decision?” Taehyung asks.

You shrug, “I think it’s a bit of both. I mean... I wouldn’t mind losing it. I hate the label sticking to me. I’m not a prude or anything. I guess a part of me feels like I’m missing out on something. I see all those sex scenes in TV and movies, and it feels as plausible as a scene about magic or aliens. It’s just so far removed from anything I’ve experienced.” You laugh at yourself, “I’m just rambling now. God, I’m so embarrassing!”

Taehyung takes another sip of his beer, “No, it’s not embarrassing. I felt the same way before I lost my virginity. Before, I just couldn’t stop thinking about sex, and when I finally did it, it was like: “Oh. So that’s it, huh?” And then I just got on with my life without it ruling over me. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It felt really nice. But experiencing it for myself I realised that it’s not as big a deal as people would have you think.”

You nod, silent. You can barely believe you’re even having this conversation. Held in Taehyung’s gaze, the whole encounter feels like it’s happening in a dream. Maybe it’s just the alcohol getting to your head.

Your thoughts are interrupted when Anise comes back, phone in hand, saying, “We should take a photo!” You’re jostled around, sandwiched between friends. You loose track of Taehyung, as Yoongi, another of Anise’s friends, ends up squished next to you, with Anise on your other side. Smiling at the camera, which is held by a boy you don’t recognise, there’s a flash. The memory is preserved forever.

[sero-para-el-pueblo]

Okay so, Sero Latino headcanons and just headcanons in general bc I love him and I’m procrastinating studying for my finals. I have also been thinking about all the difficulties that being a foreigner has with language and culture and staff. Also, imma project a little bit so bear with me

When Sero and his parents moved to Japan, Sero didn’t know Japanese he knew only the basics and bc of these he probably was really good at subjects that don’t have letters on them

Like, Sero it’s really good at math because numbers are numbers and he just had to follow the teaches method,

when class 1-a find out hes good at math they're like how are you so good and he's jsut like "bueno plebes, when you move across the world you have to find ways to remember yourself you're not dumb just don't know the language"

he’s probably also really good at sports and English

Although being in an environment where Japanese was all he hear helped Sero picked Japanese fairly easy he still had a period of time where he was failing most of his classes bc his Japanese wasn't the best

Even after like 5 years of being in Japan there are expression he doesn’t quite get or like Japanese pop culture or classics he doesn’t know and he feels alienated for not knowing them and the bakusquad try to make him feel better by explaining stuff to him

Okay but like imagine Bakugo aggressively making Sero feel better

“Listen soy face you were raised in another fucking culture it’s not your fucking fault you don’t know this shit, who the fuck even cares”

Speaking of Bakugo it’s his birthday today so imagine Sero barging into boom boom boys room at 6 in the morning singing las mañanitas

also Sero's mom made a 3 leches cake for Bakugo and he loved it

In Spanish word have a lot of different meaning like so in my Mexican mind the equivalent of saying “bet” when someone says something it’s “jaló” however it also means to pull

So imagine after Sero has taught some Spanish to class 1-a someone asks him to go somewhere and Sero it’s like jaló, and everyone it’s like the fuck?? So Sero has to explain Mexican slang to the class

A few hours later when Aizawa comes back he finds half of the class arguing about the correct way of using words like “pedo”, “madre”, “verga” and Midoriya it’s taking notes at light speed and the other half are trying to stop Bakugo from blowing Denki's face bc he keeps using the words wrong

Idk if it’s just my Mexican dad or all dad are like this but whenever something in the house needs fixing my dad would just make it worse or get mad at everybody bc he can’t fix it or take forever to even look at it

But imagine Sero's dad it’s like that so Sero's mom took it to herself to learn how to fix stuff around the house so Sero's got stuck helping his mom fix stuff so now he’s just really good at it

So now every time something needs fixing at the dorms Sero just fixes it

Imagine bakudeku knocking at Sero's door bc they were fighting and they accidentally broke the sink for the 4 time that month and they need to fix

“Sero we need help-” “safo Rey ” (I think this is the equivalent as touching your nose to signal your not gonna do it?? Idk) Sero ended up fixing it just before Aizawa was back

I just rewatch Coco so imagine class 1-a celebrating Día de Los Muertos (day of the dead) putting up the altar and all and Aizawa and All Might walk in when the class it's finishing up and Aizawa it's like 'Sero why are you putting flower petals in the floor?' and Sero it's like 'oh to guide the dead safely on their way back' "... okay that doesn't answer my question"

Aizawa and All Might end up watching Coco and at the end All Might ask the class if it's okay he wants to put a picture on the altar too

the next morning the altar has two new pictures, a lady with black hair and a smiley boy sitting on what seems a cloud, although the class wants to ask about the boy a look on Aizawa's face stops all questions.

I made myself cry with the last one my bad y'all

okay onto happier topics imagine that Spanish slang doesn't stop at the students but also reaches the teacher

imagine Present mic screaming "fierro" or "a huevo" it drives Aizawa crazy

Mexican people tend to be really religious and even tho Sero doesn't really believe in religion he does things like giving the bakusquad la bendicion every time any of them go out like it started after Kiri got hurt rescuing Eri so now Sero does it all the time

Bakugo acts as it bothers him but he would stay still in from of Sero and be like "what the fuck are waiting for do your stupid thing so I can go"

Sero also insist on giving la bendicion to Miroriya bc the lord knows the boy needs it, fuck it the rest of the class didn't want to be left out so they also demand to be given la bendicion

Also if you speak two languages you know you get a brand new personality when you swish language

Sero get more confident, cocky, and flirty when he speaks Spanish he would flirt with anyone specially Bakugou and Denki he would purposely role his “r” to mess with bakugou

[angelmavmurdock]

Our Little Secret: Part Two - A.R.

Word count: 2880 Summary: Lenora introduces y/n and Arvin and something seems to spark between the two of them. 

-

Arvin's POV

I got home from work at 4 which was early for working in the mines.

"Afternoon, Earskell." I nodded my head as I walked up the stairs to the porch of the house where Uncle Earskell sat on a rocking chair.

"Afternoon, boy." He nodded to me.

I walked inside and took my jacket and cap off, sitting them on the side table by the door.

"Grandma?" I called through the house.

"Kitchen!" She replied.

I walked through the house and into the kitchen where Grandma was cooking.

"Hey," I kissed her on the cheek.

"You're back early," She smiled.

"Yeah, we got off for the weekend." I said, sitting down at the table.

"That's great. You need your sleep." She stroked my hair.

I smiled weakly, "I know."

Grandma went back to cooking and I looked around with my brows furrowed.

"Where's Lenora?" I asked curiously.

Grandma sighed, "She said she'd be studying after school so I guess she's just caught up. She knows to come home by 5."

I clenched my jaw. I was very protective of Lenora. Probably too protective. I hated the fact that she wasn't home straight after school. She could be getting harassed by those god darn bullies again. The boys in that popular group of school always torment her. She does nothing wrong, Lenora is the kindest and sweetest girl out there, she wouldn't hurt a fly, but that's what those assholes like.

"She should be home straight after school, Grandma." I shook my head.

"She's nearly 18, Arvin, you have to let her become her own woman without you shadowing her."

"She's hardly a woman, Grandma. She's gettin' bullied senseless by those popular boys." I scowled.

The popular group in school never liked people like Lenora who were smart and kind and timid, that's why they prey on her. They never liked me much but after a handful of fist fights, they got the memo to stop. Anyway, I was out of school so it didn't matter.

We heard the front door open and I snapped my head around. Lenora had come in with a huge smile on her face, looking almost flushed with glee as she skipped through the house.

I stood up, "Where the hell have you been?" I asked sternly, looking down at her.

"Woah, Arv, what's wrong?" She asked, her brows furrowed.

"Did those boys hurt you? I'll kill them-"

"No! They didn't!" She smiled, holding my shoulders.

"Then where were you?"

"I met a girl who's new to town and we got to talkin'! Oh she's lovely, we're already close!" She beamed, sitting next to me at the table.

I squinted and joined her, "Who is she?"

"Her name is y/n. She's from New York, can you believe it?! And she lives up-state with her mother - who is from Ohio originally - and her father."

"She lives up-state? And she's friends with you?" I asked, raising a brow.

"Yes, Arvin. She's so nice. You'd expect her to be really mean because she's in the popular group but-"

"Nuh-uh. No way. You are not hanging out with a girl from that group." I pointed at her.

Grandma called uncle Earskell inside and sat our dinner in front of us.

"Why? She's not like the rest of them, Arv. She's really nice and we'll be hanging out a lot more so expect to see her around." She smiled.

I shook my head, "They'll be playing with you, Lenora."

"No they're not! She told me she doesn't even like them! She's just in the group because she was new and everyone was goin' crazy over the fact she was rich and from New York." She took a bite of her food.

"She don't sound like good news to me." I shook my head.

"Arvin, Lenora can be friends with whoever she wants. You should invite her over for dinner." Grandma smiled.

"Oh she'd love that!"

I rolled my eyes and continued eating, a scowl on my face.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

It was Wednesday and I was waiting outside of the high school to pick Lenora up. She didn't mention going to see her mother's grave but just in case, I came along. I waited outside, lighting a cigarette as I watched some students flee the grounds before the bell. My elbow rested outside the window, breathing in the smoke then blowing it out and breathing in fresh air.

The bell rang and not even a minute later kids were flowing out the doors. I watched them, trying to spot Lenora and any of the assholes that would follow.

I turned the radio up and kept watch, she was usually one of the first out. I was getting angsty. Where is she?

I nearly got out the car to search for her but I saw her arm in arm with a girl in a cheerleading uniform.

The cheerleader was beautiful. She had her hair tied up in a ponytail by a yellow ribbon and her skin was glowing. The cheerleading uniform was a yellow and blue cropped top, showing her midriff, and a white pleated skirt with white frilly socks and soft shoes. They were walking out together, laughing and Lenora looked really happy. I smiled briefly but I remembered...

That's the popular girl.

"Arvin!" Lenora exclaimed, waving at me.

They jogged over together, looking at me through the car window. The cheerleader seemed shy.

"This is y/n, remember I told you about her?"

I moved my eyes over to her, scanning her body from her shoes to her eyes. She blushed and gulped, looking away.

"Vaguely." I commented, blowing smoke out of my mouth.

"Well, Grandma said it was okay for her to come over for dinner so could you take us back home?" Lenora asked.

I licked my back teeth, looking at Lenora's hopeful face to y/n's awkward one.

I sighed, "Fine."

They squealed with joy and they got in the car; Lenora next to me and y/n in the backseat.

I drove off and we sat in silence, letting the music play through the radio into the car.

"So, y/n, you're here from New York?" I asked, throwing the cigarette butt out the window.

She nodded, "Yeah."

"You live up-state?"

She nodded again, "Yeah."

I looked at her through the rear-view mirror.

"You don't speak much do you?" I asked.

"Depends on who I'm talking to." She retorted.

I bit my tongue and held back a smile. She definitely wasn't the shy girl she seemed to be.

"You're accent is southern, how do you get that from living in the big city?"

"My mother is from Ohio. Not Coal Creek but she lived here her whole childhood so I just inherited her accent." She spoke but didn't look at me.

"But your daddy's from New York?"

"Yeah."

"I'm guessing you were the popular girl back in the city, huh?" I asked, looking at her through the rear view mirror.

She licked her teeth, turning her head and looking back at me.

"Yeah but I don't like it. It just happens." She shrugged.

I nodded slowly, thinking of my next question. I was just trying to catch her out. I needed her to say something nasty so I could tell Lenora never to talk to her again.

"Where about up-state are you?" I finally asked.

"Fernpark House." She said.

"Fernpark House?" I repeated, turning around to look at her in shock.

I didn't realise she was that rich.

"Arvin!" Lenora whisper-shouted at me.

I turned back around and didn't ask any more questions.

Fucking Fernpark House. The biggest house in the whole village, maybe even the whole fucking state.

I drove the girls back to the house and they leapt out the car as soon as I came to a stop.

"Careful, Lenora!" I shouted after her as she and y/n jumped up the stairs.

I shook my head and sighed, turning the car off and getting out. I walked up the stairs and nodded to Uncle Earskell again.

"Hey boy, who's that girl?" Earskell asked.

I sighed, leaning against the wooden pillar at the top of the porch stairs and bringing another cigarette out. I cupped my hand over it and lit the end, inhaling then exhaling.

"Lenora's new friend, y/n."

"y/n? That don't sound like an Ohio name."

"She's new from New York. Popular, rich, city girl. Livin' up state in Fernpark house."

"Fernpark? Damn boy, she's doin' good for herself." He chuckled.

"Yeah well, somethin's off about her. No popular kid's ever wanted to hang out with Lenora. I bet it's a set up." I shook my head, taking another breath of tobacco.

Uncle Earskell shook his head, "Just cause she a cheerleader don't mean nothin'. You gotta stop being so darn protective over Lenora."

"How can I stop when those jocks are after her?" I raised my voice.

I sighed, "Sorry, it's just frustrating I can't do nothin' about it. Now one of them is in our house?"

"That's an innocent girl, Arvin. Not a 6 feet tall hooligan wantin' to harass a young girl. Let it go."

I dropped the cigarette and squashed it with my foot, "Easier said than done."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

We sat down for dinner at the usual time. I sat next to Uncle Earskell while Lenora and y/n sat opposite. They had a whisper fight about who would sit where and I couldn't tell if she didn't want to sit across from me or Earskell but she sat in front of me. I lifted my glass to my lips, watching her over the crystal as she sat down.

She was beautiful and looked innocent. Her skin looked soft and glowing and the smile she seemed to constantly wear was almost infectious...and I'm not a smiler.

Grandma served us food and she sat at the head of the table, next to Uncle Earskell and Lenora.

"Let's pray." She smiled before everyone dipped their head.

"Heavenly father..."

I looked up from my lap like I usually did. I wasn't religious or a prayer so I usually just stared into space. But this time, I had somethin' to look at. I looked up and y/n was sitting opposite me, eyes clearly open but kept lowered to be respectful. I watched her with my head still tilted down, looking at the way her mouth twitched side to side with awkwardness. She must have felt my gaze on her because she looked up and we caught eyes. A small smile lifted my lips and she flashed a genuine smile at me. It was our little secret.

"The power and the glory forever, amen."

We all lifted our heads and dug into the food. Grandma spoke to y/n most of the time and she gleefully complied, chatting away. Grandma clearly already loved her. I seemed to be the only one wary of her antics.

It hit 9 o'clock and I was sitting in the living room listening to the radio, a glass of whiskey in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I heard Lenora's door open and she came out with y/n who still had her uniform on and carried her backpack on one shoulder.

"Thank you so much Mrs Russel for havin' me." She smiled to Grandma as she got up to say goodbye.

"Oh please, call me Emma, and it was no trouble at all, darlin'." Grandma rubbed y/n's back.

"Are your parents outside?" Lenora asked.

"Oh no, they're not collectin' me I'll just be walkin' home." She smiled.

"Nonsense, you are not walkin' alone at this time of night with that outfit on." Grandma said.

I kept my back to everyone, prayin' Grandma didn't call on me.

"Arvin,"

I clenched my eyes shut in annoyance, knowing what she was about to ask.

"Why don't you take y/n home?"

"Oh no please, I don't wanna be no trouble-" y/n began to protest, probably knowing how much I didn't want to.

"No, come on Arvin. He'll take you no problem." Grandma smiled at me.

I sat my glass down and rubbed the cigarette out on the ash tray.

"No problem at all." I said, standing up.

"Great...thank you." She smiled.

While y/n said goodbye to everyone I grabbed my cap and jacket with my keys inside. I opened the door for her and she quietly thanked me on the way out. Lenora stood by the door and waited on us. We got into the car and it was already awkward. I turned the car on and we buckled in, waving to Lenora as I reversed out and drove away.

I turned the radio up once we got on the straight road.

"Pretty woman, walking down the street,"

I heard y/n's soft hum as she listened to the radio. I looked over at her. She had her elbow outside the car and rested her head on her hand, letting the wind fawn over her face. Some of her hairs became loose but she didn't mind. She looked gorgeous.

"Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet,"

"Do you know where you're goin'?" She asked softly, still not looking at me.

"Yeah I know the way." I said.

"No one could look as good as you."

"You like the radio?" I asked, coughing awkwardly.

She nodded with a smile, "I love music."

I smiled slightly, "Me too."

"What's your favourite song?" She asked, turning her head to look at me.

I shrugged, "Don't have one. I just listen to whatever's on the radio."

She moved more so she would be facing me.

"You don't have a favourite song?" She asked, a smile spread across her face.

"No." I smiled briefly at her then focused on the road again.

She paused for a second, looking at me.

"Hmm." She hummed, sitting normally in the seat again.

"Pretty woman, won't you pardon me,"

"Well, this is one of my favourite songs." She said.

I looked over to her, "Yeah? Why?"

"He talks about her nicely." She smiled.

I scoffed, "That's what makes you like a song? If a man talks of a woman nicely?"

"Well yes, it's important that a man talks about a woman nicely. Or else he's just a sick bastard on the highway to hell." She commented.

I scoffed a laugh which turned into a chuckle. She laughed too. Again with that somewhat dark humour you wouldn't expect a girl like her to have.

I turned up on Fernpark drive and kept driving through the wooded area. The road was real smooth, unlike everywhere else in this town. That's when you knew you were well off.

"You can just drop me here-"

"No need, I'll drop you outside your house."

"But my ma and daddy might see you and think-"

She stopped mid-way through her sentence.

I looked over to her. Her mouth was open, not saying anything like she had frozen in time.

"Your ma and daddy might see me and think what?" I prompted.

She was gonna say somethin' about my tatted clothes and my rusty car. Somethin snobby. I had her, finally.

"They might think we've been...you know..." She fiddled with her fingers.

I held back a smirk cause' I knew what she was implying. I just wanted to hear her say it.

"What?" I finally stopped the car outside her house.

"They might think we've been doin' somethin'."

I chuckled lowly, "You're gonna have to be more specific, darlin'."

She gulped and her cheeks flushed pink, "Submarine racin'!" She whispered, grabbing her bag from the floor of the car.

I raised my brows, "Submarine racin'? I doubt it. A pretty, rich girl like you wouldn't date no worker like me that's for sure, never mind submarine racin'."

She tilted her head, "I will date anyone I want to, Arvin. Even some worker like you. As long as a man treats a woman right, then that's all you can ask for ain't it?"

I smiled and nodded, "I guess so."

"But so we're clear; I wouldn't date you because you're Lenora's brother." She said proudly.

"But you find me attractive?" I smirked, licking my lips.

She stuttered, "No. I don't find you attractive, Arvin. And I would never date you, so don't try and put words in my mouth."

I held my hands up, "I wasn't gonna."

"Good."

"Good."

We sat silently, both thinking about what it would be like to date or even submarine race...

"y/n?! Is that you?!" A woman in a white silk robe shouted by the door.

"Shit. I gotta go, thank you Arvin!" She called, jumping out the car and shutting the door.

She hurried up to her mother at the blue front door and I could hear the distant questions being asked.

"Who is that?" "Lenora's brother?" "He drove you home?" "He polite? He nice?" "Fine."

Her mother waved and I waved back before driving out of the grounds and down the private road until I hit pot-hole city on the ground again.

I kept driving back home, noddin' my head to the music.

"Pretty woman, walkin' down the street..." I sang to myself the whole way home.

-

Submarine Racing: "Watching the submarine races" is a euphamism for making out (and more) in a car.

{Tags: @notanordinaryprincess95​}

[angryschnauzer]

What about if ghost mike took a liking to you and when you were getting harassed by some guys he "stepped in"?

Oh wow this one really got away from me! There’s something about Mike that makes me just want to hug him and make everything better. Thank you for this ask!

Warnings: Ghosts, potential assault, Mike saving the day. Canon-fix-it ficlet.

From the moment you moved into the tiny apartment you knew it wasn't going to be your forever home. Strange chills would cross over your skin when you would least expect it, the seemingly nice neighbourhood was far from it with regular arguments and fights breaking out between tenants or people just out on the street, and it got to the point where you didn't leave the apartment at night for what crept unknown in the hallways.

Your thesis was almost done, your final year of your Doctorate on religious texts and the only merit of not leaving the apartment in the evenings meant extra time to study and complete your work. You sat at your desk typing furiously, on a roll with your thoughts and your work when a sudden chill ran up your forearm giving you goosebumps;

"Fuck" you cursed, screwing your eyes shut as you tried to will the train of thought back to your mind, but to no avail. Finally with a sigh you pushed your chair back and stood, deciding to make yourself a hot cocoa.

Warming the milk in a pan on the stove you wrapped your cardigan tighter around your body as you stared out of the window that overlooked the street, before something moved in the periphery of your vision. A young man bending over your laptop, his lips moving as he silently read what you had written. In shock you gasped and turned, but to an empty apartment. Shaking your head you laughed to yourself; you had spent so long writing about spirits you were now seeing them.

Going back to your stove you finished making your drink before returning to your computer, working late into the night now you were re-energised in your mind.

-

Your Professor had been very complimentary of your latest work, and how you had led the Freshman and Sophomore students in theological discussions about spirits and souls, almost as if you had a new understanding of them. 

Continuing to work on your thesis you spent long nights and quiet weekends busy at your computer, but reminded yourself to take a break now and again. One such evening the words hadn't come, so abandoning the screen you’d lit some candles, poured yourself a glass of wine and had curled up on the couch beneath a blanket to read. You were deep in the world of your book when you were aware of your computer screen coming to life, the screensaver ending and your unfinished work on screen. As you looked up you saw him, this time sitting sideways to the desk on your chair where you’d left it. 

He was young, no more than 25, and dressed a little outdated in baggy jeans, hoodie, and a leather jacket, his dark hair curly and trying its best to hang in the mid 2000’s style of curtains. A fear shot through your body, rooting you to the spot and you held your breath; watching waiting… but he continued to read, biting his lip as if deep in thought; he had no idea you’d noticed him. The longer you looked the more real he seemed, no longer transparent but the colours of the apparition deepening.

“I can see you, you know” your voice was quiet yet it startled him, he turned in fright and disappeared right before your eyes. 

Crossing the room you pressed your hand to the chair, stilling it as it span slightly before sitting down, your writer's block now long gone. Your thesis was certainly getting jump started again thanks to your spectral visitor.

-

A week later it was a quiet weekend, no saturday classes, no additional work needed on your thesis until the last few books you’d requested from the campus library were returned. Snow fell outside your window and you stayed curled up in bed, dozing in the quiet morning. 

As the pipes in the building bubbled you finally woke properly, and you saw him, standing in the doorway.

“Don’t be scared” you said quietly, watching as he quietly laughed before raking his hand through his curls;

“Shouldn’t i be saying that to you?”

His voice was quiet, but deeper than you imagined.

“Do you know why you are here?”

He shook his head.

“Are you drawn to something? Did you die here?”

Again he shook his head;

“I can’t remember”

“What do you remember?”

“That my name is Mike” he looked down, almost bashfully; “You realise one tit is hanging out of your top?”

Glancing down you saw your cami had shifted in your sleep and you were now showing far more than you realised, letting out a laugh as you adjusted yourself, but when you looked up he was gone.

Calling out you smiled;

“Thanks for the tip… or should i say tit?”

You heard what could only be described as a chuckle, but he didn’t reappear.

-

Over the following days and weeks, Mike would appear occasionally. Once when you were reaching for something on a high shelf you’d turned to get a box to stand on only to discover the packet on the countertop and him standing next to it with a smile on his face before disappearing again. You became at ease with his presence, your skin chilling as you recognised the signs that he had appeared in the room. He still didn’t talk much but you’d managed to get a few lines of conversation out of him. It almost felt like having a presence to welcome you home, not a pet, but a silent roommate that didn’t bother you because you’d work different shifts.

After one particularly long day on campus, staying late after class to help the Sophomores with their midterms, having to stop for groceries on the way home, it was well past dark before your bus had pulled up outside your apartment building. Juggling your groceries, your backpack, and your keys, you stopped at your mailbox as you could see mail jammed into it, cursing as your cold fingers struggled to work with the tiny key when you heard a cough behind you. Glancing over your shoulder you saw the tall burly figure of a man, and you stepped closer to the mailbox;

“Sorry, won’t be a moment”

“Don’t you worry sweetheart, we can wait…”

You stopped, the fear bubbling up in your throat as you turned and saw that he wasn’t alone, two other men now standing behind him;

“A nice little treat to be found out after dark…”

You turned your back to the mailboxes, pulling close to them as you backed away and the three men started to advance like a pack of wolves, when suddenly another figure appeared in the doorway;

“Mike!” you called out, and the three men turned in surprise.

“Oh, your little boyfriend appears just in time? Don’t you worry about him, he can just watch”

It was then that you heard Mike’s voice, strong and loud in the small hallway;

“Babe, shut your eyes and don’t open them until i say so, ok?” he paused and looked directly at you; “Ok?”

You nodded and screwed your eyes shut, trembling as you hear the three men start towards Mike, but then you could hear them stop;

“What the fuck?”

“HOLY SHIT!”

“RUN, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!”

A strange gurgling noise came from the end of the hallway and you felt the rush of air as the three men pushed past you. Opening your eyes you gasped when you saw Mike. 

“I said don’t open your eyes!”

“Stop” His voice gurgled as he spoke.

You stepped towards him, the sight almost unbearable but now you understood;

“I can see what happened to you…” you paused; “And i’m not running away”

-

 Stepping in the door of your apartment you juggled the bags and held the door for Mike, before you smiled;

“Do i even need to hold this open for you, or could you just walk straight through it?”

He glanced at you and rolled his eyes, not saying anything.

“I would offer you to get cleaned up, but i have no idea how to clean a ghost up”

You set the groceries on the counter and turned, surprised to see Mike standing close to you, his injuries gone and his face and stomach back to normal;

“Oh!”

“I guess you just had to look away and i reset somehow” he muttered, his body sagging as if exhausted.

“This may sound strange, but do you need to rest? I would imagine what you did took a lot of energy…”

“I don’t like to sleep… the memories come back when i do…”

“Why don’t i rest with you?”

Reaching out you managed to grasp his hand, gently leading him to your bedroom and watching as he lay back against the soft covers, a tired smile on his face as he watched you climb in beside him;

“When i was alive it was never this easy to get a girl into bed with me” he murmured, his eyes drooping. 

“Just rest Mike, i’ll be right beside you… i’ll protect you the same way you protected me”

Leaning forwards you brushed your lips to his, and it felt like wet sand pulling away from you as the tide pulled back to sea. Resting your head on the pillow you felt your own eyes grow heavy, and as you watched Mike fall asleep the same happened to you.

-

Rain hit the window as you slowly woke, the unfamiliar feeling of a warm presence beside you in bed startling you as you sat bolt upright, looking on in shock as Mike slept peacefully beside you. His chest would rise and fall with each breath, and with a shaking hand you reached out and rested your palm against him and could feel the warmth of his body. Eyes wide in wonder you reached to his neck, pressing two fingers to the side and you felt the steady and strong beat of his heart. 

He woke with a gasp, inhaling as if he had been winded and sat up, his eyes wide as he grasped your hand in his own;

“How are you touching me?”

“Y-you’re real” He looked down, watching as your hand pressed against his chest; “and you’re alive”

You leapt at him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as you straddled his lap, laughing with tears of joy starting to spill down your cheeks before finally pulling back, your mouths so close you could feel the others breath hot on your skin.

“When i was alive… i mean before… i was an ass”

You shrugged;

“Most dudes in their 20’s are”

“And i thought i was god’s gift to women too, but was far from it”

“How about we leave the opinions of gods to the one of us that is the Theological major? As whatever happened here, we have someone to thank and it certainly isn’t Earth bound”

He smiled, and for the first time you noticed that in the blue of his eyes there was a tiny spec of brown. His voice was quiet;

“Can I kiss you?”

Nodding you edged forwards, the touch of his lips this time was soft and warm, and as the kiss deepened the two of you slowly fell back onto the bed, your bodies warm against each others as clothing was shed and bodies were explored.

Mike had a lot to catch up on, twenty years after life had ended for him you were now there to help him start it back up again.

[meet-me-in-the-kitchen]

What Once Was Mine College!AU

In which Y/N and Harry are old lovers who somehow find their way back to each other amidst this chaos.

If a pandemic cancels the remainder of your spring semester, and your recent ex decides to suspend the rules of your breakup in case “the apocalypse” keeps you apart forever, and you find yourself lying once again in his bed, your faces flushed, the afternoon humming by outside, take your time with leaving. The future will charge onward, but for now you can allow the memory of other lazy days you spent in this bed to envelop you entirely. You would like to believe this feeling transcends whatever comes next. For an hour or two, it does.

It had started with a fateful cough, class cancellations, and a choice to stay.

“Aren’t you gonna get up?” Katia, one of your roommates, questioned from the room outside of yours. She wasn’t bunking with you; the girl who had been, Elise, had mysteriously left about a week ago, when you’d woken up to find no trace of her usual throw pillows or belongings in the bed across from yours. “It’s the last day of classes, you know.”

You did know. You were all too aware of this fact, following the sudden declaration of a virus more minuscule than a grain of salt’s permeation of the world. The university had decided to close classes and encourage all students who were able to evacuate the surroundings as quickly as possible, heading home before the virus spread enough to veto travel entirely. Students took to this, although a bit anxious in regards to their tuition, refunds, and housing.

You had these concerns, as well. The virus didn’t seem real at first. You went through the stages of believing the media was exaggerating the virus, and then thinking that it wasn’t really a threat to youth, but that it was one’s civic duty to stay inside so those with weaker immune systems could thrive. What had concerned you most was tuition and housing. But, right now, you were all too aware of the empty space next to your bed. The fact that you’d stayed in your dormitory all of last and this week studying for assessments and exams, only to somehow end up with a heaviness in your head, a clammy, burning feel to your forehead.

You were sick with something. And it terrified you.

“I’m thinking of just getting a head start on packing,” you answer hesitantly, trying to string the words together as confidently as possible, all too aware of how your throat felt sore trying to accomplish this. “I don’t think there’ll be any actual classes, or not much of anything substantial, anyway.”

“Okay,” your roommate piped uncertainly. “Er, do you want me to help you when I come back?”

“No!” you cleared your throat, trying to mask the horror. “I mean... it’s fine, I just need to do this alone.”

“You’ve been locked in your room a while, sweetie,” Katia said kindly from outside of the door, and you felt your heart stop. “I know with all of the stuff with Harry, it’s only natural, but I’m here for you, ‘kay?”

“M’kay. Thanks, Kat.”

You heard the door click shut.

—

Harry.

Harry. Harry. Harry.

It had been so long since you’d seen him. Since the break-up. Not all of it was about pent-up emotions, though. There was also the whole “I think my roommate gave me coronavirus before she fled the residence” which kept you from wandering outside of your room. But you’d be lying if the way you’d broken up hadn’t served as a motivator to keep you cooped up in your dormitory, completely isolated.

Tears pricked your eyes as you remembered the fight. The one you’d instigated when he’d done absolutely wrong, when it was your insecurities that had presented themselves in the privileged setting, the flirtatious looks he was on the receiver end of. The feeling that he’d never truly be yours, and that he was never meant to be, in the first place.

“You always do this,” he’d growled, alcohol in his bloodstream, but the bitter truth on his lips. “This is what you do, isn’t it, sweetheart?” the words so harshly spoken, his fingers digging into your wrist, eyes intoxicated but clearer than you’d ever seen. “You fuckin’ run...they always run.”

“Harry, let me go,” you’d said quietly, looking down while you still felt the unbearable iciness of his stare.

“Let you go,” he had laughed bitterly, throwing back another swig of alcohol with his free hand. The one that wasn’t only tightening his grip on yours. “I’m the one...”

“Harry,” you’d whimpered, face crumpling. “Harry, you’re hurting me.”

You weren’t referring to the wrist.

He had paused. His darkened gaze trained on yours, lips parting with each heavy breath, eyes intensely searching your face for anything, everything you could give him. Then, they averted. Defeated. His grip loosened.

“This time,” his voice was thick with suppressed emotion, the same storminess in his eyes. “This time, if you run, don’t come back.”

Now, you were painfully aware of how alone you were. In a dormitory thinking you were infected with something too scary to try to comprehend. Unable to go outside, because you didn’t want this to affect anyone else, but also unable to get tested, because you weren’t yet a priority. You were surviving off of granola bars you’d picked up not long before this catastrophe began, along with a bunch of cold medicine and fluids. With no one to call. No home to return to, besides one filled with people who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about you.

“I’ve driven away the only person who cared,” your voice broke, as your stomach rumbles. You didn’t have the heart to grab another stale granola bar or saltine.

—

Harry’s worried, to say the least.

After that Friday night, nearly a week and a half ago, you’ve disappeared on him. At first, he was a shell of himself, showing up to classes, a hardened aspect to him. You’d really hurt him, and he felt he had the right to be upset.

But once the third day passed with no sight of you, he’d grown a bit curious. You weren’t one to miss classes: you’d once shown up hungover out of your mind, with a killer headache, but still willing to offer your analysis of Franny and Zooey, and why it was a love story before anything else.

Were you okay?

When this question had initially circulated through his mind the first couple of days, he’d merely scoff to himself. Why wouldn’t you be? You’d toyed with his emotions, unhinged all of his trust. He thought you got some sick satisfaction out of it. He wasn’t going to keep chasing you, forever.

After the first week, he began asking people. Just casually, to people who didn’t know you closely enough to tell you. He spoke to people you knew were apart of organizations you were passionate about and in. Nada. Zilch.

He’d resorted to asking Katia, seeing as your other roommate was gone, and she’d simply huff and leave.

Today was the last of day of classes, and, quite frankly, Harry realized as he watched the professor lecture on how classes would be commencing, he was angry. Furious.

“Of course,” he whispers darkly. “Of course, she gets to be locked up in the tower, feeling sorry for herself after she hurt me.”

“Er, what?” Niall rose a bit from his cat nap, eyes trained curiously on his fuming friend, who suddenly rose, fingers clenched to fists at his sides.

Harry left the lecture hall with a straight face, and walked a ways away before picking up his cellphone and finally dialling the number he’d religious avoided for days now.

“H-hello,” your voice came out incredibly soft through the receiver, and he hated that it made him want to kiss you everywhere.

“Where are you?”

His voice comes out harsh. Clipped.

“I’m in my dormitory,” you answer with confusion evident in your voice. “Why—”

He hangs up.

—

When you hear a loud rapping against your door, you regret giving him the key to your dormitory. All that separates you now is a bedroom door.

Fuck, you think, eyes wildly darting everywhere to plan an escape. You can’t risk letting him in here, either. This means you can’t jump out the window avoiding him.

“Y/N,” his voice is deep, loud, and however cold it is, you so desperately want to let him in. “Let me in.”

“N-no,” you wince at the way your voice trembles. “I can’t.”

“Cut the shit,” he snaps, and you flinch. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to pretend that you’re the one struggling, when you can’t even commit to me.”

You said nothing, tears welling in your eyes. Everything he had said was the truth.

“Stay out, Harry,” you keep your voice cool and even, this time. “Haven’t I made it clear that I don’t want you here?”

The other end of the door is silent, and your face falls. You lean back against the headboard of your bed, thinking he’s gone. He’s finally left, and you don’t like the feeling that wells in your chest in response to this fact.

Fate works in funny ways, sometimes.

You cough.

It’s a standard cough: reverberating through your chest, reacting to the phlegm congesting your oesophagus almost itchingly, and disrupting the natural rhythm of your breaths. It’s loud enough. Raspy.

You think you’re alone to do it, until a voice calls from the other end of the door; and it’s hoarse, tight.

“Y/N?”

“Er,” you pause uncertainly, wondering if it really would be that dangerous for you to jump ship out of the window and run. “Yes?”

“Was that,” his voice is low, hushed. “...Was that a cough?”

You could have laughed. Although the circumstances were admittedly dire, the mental image of Harry backing up and fleeing the scene like a headless chicken at the rasp of a cough conjures some amusement.

“That’s what they tell me,” you reply awkwardly. A girl can only take so much transparency.

“Do you have any other...” he trails off.

“Harry,” you dead-pan. “I’m fine. You can leave.”

Silence.

“No.”

“Harry—“

“Let me in, Y/N.”

“I can’t,” you stress, eyes widening in panic. “Just go..okay? It’s not what you think.”

“Why can’t you let me in, then?”

Relentless.

“Has it ever occurred to you that I just don’t want you to come inside?”

He scoffs. You hear the door knob being fiddled with and curse, as he promptly swings the door open after some hankering. You bury yourself under the covers. For all the money you were throwing at this institution, the least they could do was offer a decent lock system.

Harry takes in the disorganized dormitory; steps inside with no invitation. His eyes linger with interest at the Nature Valley granola bars located on Y/N’s dorm room floor. He steps over a few boxes, sits down at the corner of your bed with confident air.

“Stay away from me,” you groaned. He raised an eyebrow.

“Why, exactly, should I do that?”

“Because,” you pause, preparing yourself to tell the truth. Your eyes stare ahead at the inside of your blanket, burning. “I’ve been coughing, and my throat’s closing up.”

“And?”

“I think I have it,” you whisper, brokenly. Eyes welling with tears.

He promptly throws the blanket upwards, slides into the bed beside you. He grabs a Nature Valley bar on his way up. You gawk openly at him as his toes dance while his fingers tear at the plastic wrapper, bringing the bar to his mouth with great interest. He bites into it, and recoils a little.

“Not my flavour,” he comments, blithely. As if that’s any explanation.

“Are you stupid,” you stress, eyes wide as saucers. “I just told I think I have COVID-19, and you’re helping yourself to my rations?”

He snorts.

“Is this why you haven’t been coming to class?” Harry asks, forest green eyes twinkling slightly with a blend of amusement, but also awe, to your dismay. Your stubborn silence causes him to let out an uncharacteristic bark of laughter. You shoot him a dirty look.

“To think I thought it was because of something I’d said,” he marvels, with another bite and subsequent recoil to the snack bar. He shakes his head. “You, Y/L/N, have a way of messing with a bloke’s head.

“Forgive me,” you spit, “for fulfilling my civic duty of—“

“Civic duty?”

For some reason, this sends him into peals of laughter.

“Yes,” you smart, crossly. “My—“

“You,” he inches closer, and you move back cautiously, until you’re pressed up against the wall, and his chest is pressed to yours. You can feel his breath warmly fanning onto your flushed cheeks. “are not sick.”

“What in God’s name do you—“

He waved the half-eaten granola bar to your face, tellingly. Thumbed over the fine-print stating ‘peanuts included.’

You blanch. Blink.

“Oh.”

Allergies. Right-O.

“Yeah,” he chews slowly, moving back so his back is against the headboard, “Oh.”

You settled, after a quiet, but not uncomfortable pause.

“Since you’re here, I wanted to apolo—“

“Splendid day we’re having, isn’t it?” He turned to you. “Want to go on a walk and eat something besides that which you are direly allergic to?”

Or stay home. What, with an offer like that?

“Please.”

—

It’s an awful shame, you think as you both step past the stone statues and into the path led by aged, looming sycamores and dolorous baby blue jays, that this pandemic hit right as things were coming alive again.

“It’s strange, isn’t it?” you voice, as Harry stops by the tree under which you’d kissed for the first time, fingers tracing the rough patterns of the branches before you both came to rest with backs against the trunk. “Life for us seems to have stopped. We stay home. Don’t come back to college for God knows how long, but things are still happening. Life exists outside of the virus. Babies are still being born, tragedy still strikes. It feels wrong, but right at the same time.”

“A little early to be pensieve,” Harry notes, but you can tell by the glint in his eyes that he’s teasing. You know he knows what you mean. He always does. Used to.

“Days spent banished to a chamber with poisonous granola bars as the only ration will do that,” you counter, and he steps up, giving you a hand. You take it. Somewhere along the way, you let it go, and narrow your eyes at his blank look.

“Last one to your dorm is a rotten loser,” you exclaim, feet working quickly to get you up those stairwells, with him hot on your heels.

Ten minutes later, you’re both sprawled on his bed, the sun peeking through the curtains and miscellaneous snacks scattered about as you feast.

At some point, mid-chew with a Wagon Wheel stuffed in your mouth rather ravishingly, you find yourself glancing curiously at him.

“Why’re you doing this?”

It hadn’t exactly ended prettily. He shrugs.

“In case the apocalypse keeps us apart forever.”

And you stay.

Because, if a pandemic cancels the remainder of your spring semester, and your recent ex decides to suspend the rules of your breakup in case “the apocalypse” keeps you apart forever, and you find yourself lying once again in his bed, your faces flushed, the afternoon humming by outside, take your time with leaving. The future will charge onward, but for now you can allow the memory of other lazy days you spent in this bed to envelop you entirely. You would like to believe this feeling transcends whatever comes next. For an hour or two, it does.

Masterlist

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Pluralistic: 25 Mar 2020 (National Emergency Library, Kaiser threatens nurses, no more O'Reilly events, White House pastor's coronavirus funnies, automatic bill-relief notices, Mat Ricardo's lockdown TV, Xi's internal enemies, coronavirus meets immigration detention, doctors hoard choloroquine, toilet paper separator, Conzealand goes virtual, the Postal Plan, Volante's masks, and more!)

Today's links

Internet Archive lifts lending restrictions on ebooks: They're calling it the "National Emergency Library."

Kaiser threatens to fire Oakland nurses who wear their own masks: They're treating positive patients from a cruise ship with insufficient PPE.

No more O'Reilly events: We've been here before, kinda.

Trump's Bible study teacher thinks coronavirus is God's wrath: For homosexuality, China, environmentalism, Catholics, and women in the workforce.

A chatbot that petitions companies for financial relief during the crisis: Donotpay's robot lawyer is here for you.

East London showman Mat Ricardo's Youtube playlists: Lockdown TV for "comedy, variety, circus, magic, dance, music."

Xi's enemies sense weakness: Autocracies are only as good as their last crisis-response.

Locked down in a lockup: Coronavirus meets immigration detention.

Doctors hoard choloroquine: MDs to lupus sufferers, "Drop dead."

Toilet paper separator: Covid crafting for household essentials.

Conzealand goes virtual: The first time a Worldcon isn't in person since WWII.

Posties are key to America's emergency response: The only agency that could deliver covid meds to every US household in a single day.

Volante's masks for covid responders: Streetwear for Superheroes.

This day in history: 2005, 2010, 2019

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, current reading

Internet Archive lifts lending restrictions on ebooks (permalink)

The amazing people at the Internet Archive maintain a digital lending library: they buy and scan one copy of every book (pretty much every book, ever) and lend it out to one person at a time.

They've just announced that during the crisis, they are lifting the one-borrower-at-a-time restriction and allowing unlimited borrowing, "to meet the needs of a global community of displaced learners". They call it the "National Emergency Library."

https://blog.archive.org/2020/03/24/announcing-a-national-emergency-library-to-provide-digitized-books-to-students-and-the-public/

It's got more than a million titles.

https://archive.org/details/nationalemergencylibrary

They're calling on all who can afford it to buy books to support authors and booksellers during the crisis, Authors can also request to have their titles removed:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QjErbouWG7pUlzcxPcRk4YEtbYs8ItlVTgLa1DfGh68/edit

It's a bold move, but it's got widespread support. Here's a list of endorsers. I signed on too.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vkl3RX4CzpRTQsoG1tsdHC0foYiU7A8U_Vt1UyVboP8/edit

Kaiser threatens to fire Oakland nurses who wear their own masks (permalink)

Nurses at Kaiser Permanente in Oakland are treating patients from the Grand Princess cruise ship, at least 21 of whom have tested positive for covid-19. The nurses are working without adequate PPE, thanks to a national shortage (and asshole hoarders).

https://theintercept.com/2020/03/21/oakland-coronavirus-hospital-kaiser/

Nurses who report for work wearing their own N95 masks have been threatened with immediate dismissal for "insubordination."

Akela Lacy from The Intercept asked Kaiser's Marc Brown about it, but he ducked the question.

https://theintercept.com/2020/03/24/kaiser-permanente-nurses-coronavirus/

The nurses say that their supply cupboards are locked down, and they're being asked to treat potentially infected patients whether or not they can find someone to unlock the supply cupboard.

No more O'Reilly events (permalink)

I attended my first O'Reilly conference in, I think, 1997? And I sponsored my first O'Reilly con, the first P2P con, in 2001 (?). I spent years on the committee for the Emerging Tech conference, and I've keynoted more O'Reilly cons than I can recall.

These events have been some of the most important gatherings I've ever attended: places where I made lifelong friends and collaborators (I first met my wife at an Etech con), and learned so much.

This is (obviously) not a good time to be in the event business. For perfectly good – and nevertheless so, so sad – reasons, O'Reilly has just exited the in-person conference business.

Forever.

https://www.oreilly.com/conferences/from-laura-baldwin.html

"Without understanding when this global health emergency may come to an end, we can't plan for or execute on a business that will be forever changed as a result of this crisis. With large technology vendors moving their events completely on-line, we believe the stage is set for a new normal moving forward when it comes to in-person events."

The covid collapse feels a lot like the post-911/dotcom crash moment. That was when we lost the Etech conference, whose focus had always been "what are the most speculative things the weirdest nerds are doing?" No one had a budget for that kind of thing after the crash.

The dotcom crash and the loss of Etech were hugely traumatic, but there WERE silver linings. Etech's crash begat FOO Camp, consistently the best events I've ever attended – small gatherings of smart weirdos who programmed their own conference in realtime.

It also created a brief moment of breathing space in tech, which had its origins in driven tech enthusiasts but had been steadily colonized by buck-chasers who upped sticks and quit when the money disappeared from the sector. For a brief moment, mid-decade, people who wanted to build meaningful technologies for users – not investors – could hire engineering talent and find office space. That was ended by the finance bubble that shattered in 2008, but for a while there, it was good.

It's brutal to think that I'll never go to another O'Reilly con, but my hopeful inner voice tells me that there might be something as wonderful on the horizon as FOO Camp. I'm so sorry for all the O'Reilly conference staff, who are amazing and have done so much good work.

As O'Reilly CEO Laura Baldwin writes, "No offense to 'Netflix and chill' but how about we move toward 'Code and conquer' as our new mantra during these trying times?"

Trump's Bible study teacher thinks coronavirus is God's wrath (permalink)

Wanna hear about an extreme religious far-right bigot who thinks that coronavirus is God's punishment for Chinese excess, American tolerance for homosexuality, and environmentalism?

https://theintercept.com/2020/03/24/trump-cabinet-bible-studies-coronavirus/

Ralph Drollinger is an evangelical pastor. He says Catholicism is "the world's largest false religion." He says women working outside the workplace is against scripture. He runs Capitol Ministries, whose goal is to have 200 ministries in 200 world capitals.

Drollinger may sound like a garden variety Christian Taliban, but he's awfully distinguished.

For one thing, he runs regular Bible study classes…at the White House.

His scriptural lessons: God would approve of kids in cages. God also wants lower taxes on rich people.

His twice-weekly Capital Hill Bible classes are regularly attended by 52 GOP lawmakers, sponsored by Kevin McCarthy [R-CA] and John Thune [R-SD].

His Wednesday White House Bible study classes are attended by Ben Carson, Betsy DeVos, Alex Azar, and Mike Pompeo. Pence, too!

His organization has received official endorsements from Joni Ernst, James Lankford and other GOP senators.

This anti-Catholic, homophobic, sinophobic, anti-enviromentalist, lunatic is squarely in the mainstream of Republican thought.

A chatbot that petitions companies for financial relief during the crisis (permalink)

The $3/month DoNotPay service has added a new covid-19 service: automatically petitioning the companies that bill you for mercy based on the coronavirus econopocalypse.

https://www.theverge.com/2020/3/25/21192765/donotpay-rent-bill-delay-chatbot-coronavirus-extension-laws-pandemic

Using a chatbot, you determine which of your bills are eligible for relief. Then it generates a "compassionate and polite request" seeking help. If the company does not comply, it follows up with a firmer letter citing relevant state/federal laws.

https://donotpay.com/

East London showman Mat Ricardo's Youtube playlists (permalink)

Under normal circumstances, showman MatRicardo is either traveling around doing his juggling and conjuring act, or hosting amazing variety show nights in east London. Neither of those are an option, now, obvious.

Instead, Ricardo is curating playlists of "comedy, variety, circus, magic, dance, music and other kinds of culture and entertainment to distract and amuse."

https://www.matricardo.com/blog/2020/3/17/lockdown-tv

https://www.matricardo.com/blog/2020/3/24/lockdown-tv-week-2

Highlights:

Kids in the Hall: "I speak no English"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vgoEhsJORU

Gene Kelly: "Summer Stock"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFJrV3pI5Zs

"The Knife-Throwing Mother & her Children (1950s)"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHxodb2uUhQ

Mat Ricardo: "How to charm a German audience"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95ECcHLvRYA

Xi's enemies sense weakness (permalink)

Autocracies are intrinsically unstable because their have-nots (who tend to be numerous) believe that they have no path to becoming haves, and see no legitimate purpose to preserve the social order.

China has stabilized its autocracy by simultaneously lifting hundreds of millions out of poverty and by using internet surveillance to both neutralize dissidents and spot its most corrupt and dangerous politicians.

But under Xi, internet surveillance has primarily become a weapon for spotting and neutralizing dissidents, and less so a way of spotting self-dealing technocrats and shutting them down. This created "authoritarian blindness," which meant Xi didn't spot or respond to Wuhan in good time.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/02/24/pluralist-your-daily-link-dose-24-feb-2020/#thatswhatxisaid

This failure ruptured Chinese public confidence in Xi, and emboldened his critics. Ren Zhiqiang (a party "princeling" whose father was a top Mao official, who made a fortune in real-estate and has been an outspoke Xi critic) issued a "viral" jeremiad against Xi this month.

Ren's post, "An official call to arms against Xi: The clown who insists on wearing the emperor's new clothes," spread on Twitter and other foreign services (he has been banned from Wechat for years).

https://asiatimes.com/2020/03/as-virus-recedes-in-china-anti-xi-revolt-spreads/

Ren disappeared shortly thereafter and is said to have been sentenced to 15 years in a secret prison near Beijing where his interrogators have been ordered to mete out "harsh treatment" to the 70-year-old.

Ren is a bellwether for other Chinese power-brokers, many of whom resent Xi and his power-consolidation techniques, such as his 2018 corruption purge that preferentially targeted corrupt officials who supported Xi's rivals.

https://web.archive.org/web/20181222163946/http://peterlorentzen.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Lorentzen-Lu-Crackdown-Nov-2018-Posted-Version.pdf

These grandees have been sharpening their knives for Xi for years, and coronavirus has made him vulnerable. Ren was the first to turn on him publicly, but I'm sure he won't be the last.

Locked down in a lockup (permalink)

You know what's more terrifying and frustrating than being locked down at home during a coronavirus pandemic? Being imprisoned during a coronavirus pandemic, crammed in with others, deprived of soap and supplies.

It's very bad in regular jails and prisons, but if anything, it's even worse in ICE's gulags, where thousands of law-abiding long-term US residents – and asylum seekers – have been detained by the Trump administration in order to please his sadistic base.

For example, Ian has lived in the US for 20 years. His wife and children are US citizens. He was detained while awaiting a decision on his spousal visa. His wife is a nurse treating covid patients. His children miss their father.

https://www.themarshallproject.org/2020/03/24/everybody-s-scared-panic-at-immigrant-detention-center-after-positive-coronavirus-test

Ian has a heart condition that puts him at severe risk if he contracts coronavirus. He's in a 40-person dormitory with a recent arrival from China who is exhibiting symptoms.

He's in NJ's Essex detention facility, which is serviced by Corecivic, formerly Corrections Corporation of America, a notorious human rights abuser with a long history of beltway banditry while running private prisons. Some detainees there are on hunger strike.

One of the medical staffers there was confirmed by ICE to have contracted coronavirus. The next day, ICE denied that he was medical staff. ICE would not comment on the contradiction.

(Image: Fibonacci Blue, CC BY)

Doctors hoard choloroquine (permalink)

After Trump made misleading statements about the safety and efficacy of treating covid-19 with chloroquine, members of his cult began dropping dead of overdoses on the antimalarial drug.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/23/health/arizona-coronavirus-chloroquine-death/index.html

But it wasn't just low-information Trumpers who took the advice to heart. Pharmacists are seeing surges in massive orders of chloroquine from doctors and even dentists who are self-prescribing in order to hoard, and then lying about it when the pharmacists ask for explanations.

https://www.propublica.org/article/doctors-are-hoarding-unproven-coronavirus-medicine-by-writing-prescriptions-for-themselves-and-their-families

This hoarding behavior deprives people who rely on chloroquine for conditions like rheumatoid arthritis and lupus of their medication during a pandemic emergency.

"People are losing their minds about this product. We're selling so much of this stuff and people are just stockpiling it prophylactically if anybody in their family gets sick — they're just holding on to it." -Brian Brito, Miami pharmacy owner.

"Currently, both nationally and in West Virginia, some prescribers have begun writing prescriptions for these drugs for family, friends, and coworkers in anticipation of Covid-19 related illness." -West Virginia Board of Pharmacy

Toilet paper separator (permalink)

The Toilet Paper Splitter: a DIY project to separate a single two-ply roll into two single-ply rolls. Requires two paint rollers, a couple bolts, a rubber band, and some stiff metal for a handle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JEfCAFHcPk

Conzealand goes virtual (permalink)

The World Science Fiction Convention began in 1939, when 200 sf fans who'd come to New York for the World's Fair gathered together (while explicitly excluding the leftist "Futurian" writers, who held their own counter-convention).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1st_World_Science_Fiction_Convention

Since then, there have been 77 Worldcons in total, one per year, excluding 1942/3/4/5, during which WWII intervened.

This year's Worldcon is Conzealand, the first Worldcon in New Zealand. Except it won't be. The organizers have wisely decided to move to a virtual event.

The hotels are allowing for cancellations, though there's some work to be done to allow the organizers to do mass cancellations for their group block. Different airlines have different rules regarding cancellations.

https://conzealand.nz/hotels?utm_source=CoNZealand

They're expecting to offer limited refunds to participants who don't want to a virtual con experience. They'll be offering a new online rate by April 15, and kids memberships are refundable now (but they ask you to forebear as their own personal funds are on the line).

Potential panelists are requested to put some thought into how they might help a virtual con with its programming.

This is incredibly disappointing, of course.I know the organizers and visited Wellington and the venue, both of which are incredible.

https://conzealand.nz/blog/2020/03/25/conzealand-special-announcement

I've been looking forward to attending for years. But it was the right call to make. it won't be the last such disappointment, either.

Please consider supporting the organizers by buying an online membership once they're offered and attending the con from wherever you are.

Posties are key to America's emergency response (permalink)

The USPS is amazing. A fully self-supporting federal agency that provides universal service as well as good, well-paid jobs with benefits and pensions. It's also a vital lifeline during crises.

https://www.wired.com/story/us-postal-plan-coronavirus-vaccine-doomsday/

Since the Cold War, posties have been integral to America's crisis plans. They were once deputized to catalog the dead and the living after a nuclear holocaust, distributing Safety Notification Cards (POD Form 810). Mail trucks would have been repurposed as ambulances.

Both Obama and GWB integrated posties into their plans for biological attacks, planning to have masked and gowned letter carriers deliver Cipro door to door (the "Postal Plan").

https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/executive-order-medical-countermeasures-following-a-biological-attack

As the DHS noted in its prep documents, the USPS is the only federal agency that could knock on every door in America in a single day.

When (if?) effective covid meds are available, it's likely a postal worker will deliver them to you.

Now is a good time to remember that the GOP have been trying to dismantle the universal, self-funding, vital USPS for decades, so that private carriers like UPS and Fedex can cream off the most profitable parts of its business and leave rural Americans in the cold.

Volante's masks for covid responders (permalink)

I've long admired (and worn) clothing from Volante Design, whose "streetwear for superheroes" is made by well-paid, onshore workers and is cosplay-adjascent — the kind of thing you can wear out and about, but also to a con.

Now, they're making masks for covid responders.

The masks are made from cloth and can protect N95 masks from contamination as they are reused (they have a pocket for this purpose). They can also prevent you from touching your face, and partially contain coughs when medical masks are not available

https://www.volantedesign.us/

They're seeking donations to cover the cost of making these and shipping them to orgs that have requested cloth masks:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1txEanDkIrJ5GNfSk-zlXkTlB-bQPNRN_Y69qEwmdme8/htmlview

A $105.50 donation lets them make 50 masks. They're also selling them on a sliding scale to those in need.

This day in history (permalink)

#15yrsago Matrix online game hires real actors to play in-game characters http://pc.gamespy.com/pc/the-matrix-online/598441p1.html

#15yrsago Fox is advertising on Grokster, also suing to put Grokster out of business https://web.archive.org/web/20051018083600/http://publications.mediapost.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=Articles.san&s=28535&Nid=12722&p=244505

#15yrsago US sabotaging efforts to create humanitarian copyright and patent policies https://web.archive.org/web/20050916104840/http://www.corante.com/copyfight/archives/2005/03/25/united_states_v_wipos_development_agenda.php

#15yrsago Ex-coder's account of life as a bike courier https://web.archive.org/web/20050323071902/http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2005/3/19/133129/548

#10yrsago Profit-sharing arrangements among Somali pirates https://web.archive.org/web/20100323020702/https://www.undispatch.com/somali-pirates-buisiness-model

#1yrago Peak Indifference: are we reaching climate's denial/nihilism tipping point? https://www.wired.com/story/we-might-be-reaching-peak-indifference-on-climate-change/

#1yrago London developer makes last-minute changes to lock poor kids out of "communal" playground https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2019/mar/25/too-poor-to-play-children-in-social-housing-blocked-from-communal-playground

#1yrago Chinese censors incinerate entire run of a kickstarted Call of Cthulhu RPG sourcebook https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9Urosc-JEY

#1yrago The Vessel: a perfect symbol for the grifter capitalism of New York City's privatized Hudson Yards "neighborhood" https://thebaffler.com/latest/fuck-the-vessel-wagner

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Wendy Hanamura (https://twitter.com/whanamura), Geekologie (https://geekologie.com/), Naked Capitalism (https://nakedcapitalism.com/).

Currently writing: I'm getting geared up to start work my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: Data – the new oil, or potential for a toxic oil spill? https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/23/data-the-new-oil-or-potential-for-a-toxic-oil-spill/

Upcoming appearances:

Quarantine Book Club, April 1, 3PM Pacific https://www.eventbrite.com/e/quarantine-book-club-cory-doctorow-tickets-100931360416

Museums and the Web, April 2, 12PM-3PM Pacific https://mw20.museweb.net/

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020. https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250757531

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a new introduction by Edward Snowden: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250774583

[brookscharis]

how to own your story

I have to share my shortcomings and weaknesses. I refuse any space for the enemy to put me in a little box lined with mirrors so I can hatefully stare at myself from every angle. If I was to live for myself and fulfill a self defined purpose, I would only focus on my strengths and show off my greatness - my great taste in music, clothes, media, etc. But now that God has revealed Himself to me and showed me how, compared to Him, I’m not great at all, I’ve allowed Him to fulfill His purpose for my life. Which is the same for all believers ––  to make Him and His greatness known, not our own. 

I wrench and twist with embarrassment and pain when I think about the things I’ve done. How I’ve treated people and even how powerless I feel in the present. I lack the clarity to truly see my actions or know if I’m still perpetuating the same patterns. The enemy tells me that I’ll never get it right, that I will always be in this infant state of never changing. But, good thing satan is named, “the Father of Lies.” It’s true that I will never get it right, that’s what helps me to stay dependent on God. I am an infant in the eyes of God, I’m His child and He’s my Father. However, I am a new creation that God has began a good work in that He is faithful to finish. 

I worry that I don’t deserve the mercy of God, even though I know I don’t. His mercy is a gift that doesn’t depend on what I do or who I am, but it’s just who He is. I often ask myself how I have the audacity to represent God when I’ve been so mercilessly selfish and defiant toward authority in my past. But it’s not audacity, it’s being obedient despite how I feel, we are called to be ambassadors of the Kingdom. I know I’m unworthy of the calling because I struggled with (and still struggle) with hating anyone and anything that got in the way of my desires. I played favorites and I never took no for an answer. And it was praised as “ambition” and being “determined”. But really, it severed close friendships in my life and led me to diva levels of pride. 

At the beginning of my Junior year in college, I cut off friendships that I had for 2 years -- cold turkey with no warning. As soon as I made that decision, I instantly regretted it and decided to run away from the seeds that I planted. I was interested in studying abroad, not by coincidence but because of convenience. It didn’t matter where I was going or what the program actually entailed, I impulsively poured all of myself into the process of fleeing the continent. I moved out of my dorm before Christmas break and went home to wait until February to leave for Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 

While I was home, I kept replaying the details over and over. I cut off one in person and three others through Instagram DMs. I would jump from regret to “that’s what they get!” incessantly over and over again. My sudden rejection toward them felt justified because I felt like an outcast in the group, I only liked hanging out with one of them. Even though they would include me in plans sometimes, I had difficulty understanding the inside jokes or feeling wanted. I had a favorite friend and started developing friendships with the others because she was friends with them. I was fake, but I blamed them for a long time. I had so much resentment toward them that swelled into pride and it blinded me. It took being home, 3 months after cutting them off to realize that I was running from them because I was wrong. I despised the connection they had with each other to the point where I didn’t even value them as people. I let hatred and jealousy keep me from respecting them enough to end a 2 year friendship face to face. I was a coward. I hated myself for a very long time. Every day my brain would go on a loop, “you’re toxic, you’re trash, you’re emotionally abusive, you’re a narcissist, you’re an abuser.” My thoughts were debilitating me and I let them, I felt like this was the proper punishment for what I did. I felt like I needed to condemn myself. 

But rewind to before I made it home for Christmas break, I was in the Chicago airport and I missed my flight. I had a layover for about 2 hours so I decided to find a place to chill. While sitting down and thumbing through YouTube video recommendations on my feed, I found “Wretched TV.” The first video I saw was of a tall skinny, Abraham Lincoln looking white man on a podium debating theology with college students. They asked the hard questions about Christianity that I could never answer as a believer. I was captivated by the certainty and logic of the man’s answers and I found myself going down a rabbit hole. I thought this was my first introduction to the world of apologetics, however, before this I saw Preston Perry do the same thing in a more conversational manner on his channel “BOLD TV”.

“Wretched TV” led me to “Living Waters Ministry” videos and that channel changed my life forever. This was the first time someone ever broke down the gospel for me in a way that I could understand. I could see the full magnitude of my sin and the holiness of God. Ray Comfort (the guy in those videos) referenced the verse, “No one is good, no not one.” (Romans 3:10) And in that moment, I had a hope that I couldn’t explain. I felt like I was a good person before I did my friends dirty, but now that I made that mistake, I was a good as filthy rags to be disposed of. But this man, Ray Comfort, was telling me – actually, a stranger that he was interviewing in his videos – that we are all in danger of eternal punishment, even if we think we’re a good person. Because to be “good” is to be morally excellent, which only God is. The standard isn’t even based on doing “good” things or deeds in order to appease God, it’s placed on doing it from a genuine heart posture that wants to serve God. “All have fallen short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) After I watched one video, I watched another, and another and another. The questions I had about faith that I was never comfortable enough to ask in church were given answers in these videos. I finally felt like I was getting it! I finally saw Jesus as the God who doesn’t want to condemn me for my life of sin, but wants to save me from my life of sin. 

Even though I grew up in church, I never heard the gospel as it’s own separate message, it was always just sprinkled into the sermon –– that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. I didn’t know what that meant and I didn’t really care. I knew that to keep things peaceful in my home, I needed to go to church with my family and pray before I ate dinner. Later on in high school and early college, when I was distant from God and believed in astrology, law of attraction, angel numbers, and pursued a same sex relationship, I still prayed in Jesus’ name. I knew of Him in a religious sense, but not in a personal way. In 2018, when I had enough of the confusion and darkness of new age beliefs, I surrendered everything, including my sexuality to God –– I fasted, worshipped, went to church, and was even baptized –– but I did all of this from the wrong place in my heart. I did it to earn favor and love from Jesus, I did it because I wanted Him to change me and make me a better person. I didn’t know that He already loved me so much that He sacrificed His own life for me, before I ever wanted Him. He did that just in case I wanted a relationship with God. Just so I could be saved from the torment of sin and be right with Him. I was already favored and chosen by Him. Even while I was His enemy, He kept me and protected me. Once I realized that, I clearly saw Jesus as my savior and friend. It didn’t feel like a religious story anymore, it became reality and I could clearly see that there is no other way to the Father. I want to know Him more out of gratitude, not obligation. If it wasn’t for the Holy Spirit drawing me near to God, if it wasn’t for those videos popping up on my feed to share the gospel with me, if it wasn’t for God’s word being truth and Him revealing it to me –– I would still be tormenting myself over my mistakes. 

Like Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Actually, you should take the time to read all of Romans 8. 

We are not the hero in our story, it’s always God. He is our Redeemer and our Restorer. If it wasn’t for God’s mercy on me, I would not have this blog. I would not post Tik Toks about His love and how to grow closer to Him. I would be bound by the past and the opinions of others would still be my god (I still struggle with this, but I’m learning how to surrender more and more everyday). I am a new creation with a heart of flesh and not stone, I was spiritually dead and now I am alive, I was truly lost but now I am found. I was blind but–– ya’ll get the point.

I did nothing to be in this position. I didn’t see much of a choice when deciding to follow God or continue in the darkness and confusion of my life of sin. I hated my life, so I gave it away. Like Matthew 16:25 (NIV) says, “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.” He is love. One of the reason why I fell in love with following Jesus is that, as humans, we are to fully embrace how in need of God we are. How is anyone supposed to know Jesus as a savior if we front (or pretend) like we don’t need saving? The Christians around you who model being “perfect” need the most prayer because that’s pride. If we boast in our weaknesses, that’s when Christ’s power rests upon us (2 Corinthians 12:9). There’s no need to project a god-like image when Jesus didn’t even do that Himself (Philippians 2:5-11).

Your story is never supposed to show how strong and great you are, but how merciful and present God is in our times of trouble. When we are afflicted, He is with us. When we afflict others and do them wrong, He corrects us and is merciful. Share His greatness so other’s can have the same hope that you feel from reading my story. It’s not about us and it’s not about our reputations. It’s about making Christ known.

[salems-varieties]

Anime for Halloween

I should have posted this before my movies list. But hell, It’s here now and Y’all can binge-watch over the next month. But little disclaimer. These are anime I have seen and ones I associate with Halloween because they have to do with something from the holiday. So anything with Vampires, witches, demons, etc. Anything I got a Halloween-y vibe from. This list is gonna be kind of long. Now time for me to suffer typing it and yall to get an idea from reading it. 

<<<<>>>>

Title

Synopsis

My thoughts on the Anime

Everything in bold is strictly my opinion. Agree to disagree with me, and put down your own opinion in repost or in the comments but be respectful. Rude or anything of the sort will be deleted or reported depending on the severity.

<<<<>>>>

07-Ghost

Teito Klein, a student at the academy, is one of the most promising soldiers produced. Although ridiculed by everyone for being a sklave (German for slave) with no memories of his past, he is befriended by a fellow student called Mikage. While preparing for the final exam, Teito uncovers a dark secret related to his past. When an attempt to assassinate Ayanami, a high-ranking official who killed his father, fails, Teito is locked away awaiting punishment.

This one is religious, HOWEVER, Demons and the Gods of Death kinda make it more Halloween-y so :p Also as a side note; It’s only subbed so all y’all who prefer dub are gonna be disappointed.

Ancient Magus Bride

Chise Hatori, a 15-year-old Japanese girl, was sold for five million pounds at an auction to a tall masked gentleman. Abandoned at a young age and ridiculed by her peers for her unconventional behavior, she was ready to give herself to any buyer if it meant having a place to go home to. In chains and on her way to an unknown fate, she hears whispers from robed men along her path, gossiping and complaining that such a buyer got his hands on a rare "Sleigh Beggy." Ignoring the murmurs, the mysterious man leads the girl to a study, where he reveals himself to be Elias Ainsworth—a magus. After a brief confrontation and a bit of teleportation magic, the two open their eyes to Elias' picturesque cottage in rural England. Greeted by fairies and surrounded by weird and wonderful beings upon her arrival, these events mark the beginning of Chise's story as the apprentice and supposed bride of the ancient magus.

I love this one so much. My only issue is what would have made it more Halloween inspired would have been if they’s gone through Samhain and not skipped straight to Yule. BUT monsters, mages, witches, alchemists, and fae make this anime perfect for magic inspire Halloween watch.

Another

In 1972, a popular student in Yomiyama North Middle School's class 3-3 named Misaki passed away during the school year. Since then, the town of Yomiyama has been shrouded by a fearful atmosphere, from the dark secrets hidden deep within.

Horror, horror, horror and gore. Enjoy this with friends and family who have a strong stomach and are old enough to not get scared. The deaths are absolutely horrific and it takes place all around a middle school class. (Read the novel, of the same name, it’s based off if you dare)

Ao no Exorcist

Humans and demons are two sides of the same coin, as are Assiah and Gehenna, their respective worlds. The only way to travel between the realms is by the means of possession, like in ghost stories. However, Satan, the ruler of Gehenna, cannot find a suitable host to possess and therefore, remains imprisoned in his world. In a desperate attempt to conquer Assiah, he sends his son instead, intending for him to eventually grow into a vessel capable of possession by the demon king.

Anyone who’s been around anime long enough knows or knows of this anime. Who wouldn’t have added this into their Halloween Anime list? It has to do with Demons and the Son of Satan.

Black Butler  

Young Ciel Phantomhive is known as "the Queen's Guard Dog," taking care of the many unsettling events that occur in Victorian England for Her Majesty. Aided by Sebastian Michaelis, his loyal butler with seemingly inhuman abilities, Ciel uses whatever means necessary to get the job done. But is there more to this black-clad butler than meets the eye?

Classic as well. Don’t forget the movies and season 3. We don’t speak of season 2 0.0″ Also the manga has taken a VERY dark turn as of recent so if you’re looking for reading material, there you go.

Blood-C 

Peaceful schoolgirl by day, fearsome monster slayer by night, Saya Kisaragi is leading a split life. Equipped with a ceremonial sword given to her by her father for sacred tasks, she vanquishes every monster who dares threaten her quiet little village. But all too soon, Saya's reality and everything she believes to be true is tested, when she overhears the monsters speak of a broken covenant—something she knows nothing about. And then, unexpectedly, a strange dog appears; it asks her to whom she promised to protect the village, curious as to what would happen if she were to break that promise. Tormented by unexplainable visions and her world unraveling around her, we travel with Saya through her struggle to find a way to the truth in a village where nothing is as it seems.

Another very gory anime. Children, please do avoid.

Bloodivores

60 years ago, a strange case of insomnia struck the population, forcing them to stay awake for more than a full week. The victims, completely sleep deprived, all went mad. To cure this illness, a new medicine was produced, but the side effects turned the patients into vampires. Humanity went to war against this new species and triumphed, but some of the vampires managed to survive. Born from a Human and a Vampire, the main character Mi Liu, "The Child of Hope," is to represent the new hope that will connect the two species. Ringleader of a bank robbery, Mi Liu is arrested and transferred to a special prison of the National Defense Agency that monitors Vampires.

Genetically created vampires. Need I say more?

Blood Lad

Staz Charlie Blood is a powerful vampire who rules the Eastern district of Demon World. According to rumors, he is a bloodthirsty and merciless monster, but in reality, Staz is just an otaku obsessed with Japanese culture and completely uninterested in human blood. Leaving the management of his territory to his underlings, Staz spends his days lazing around, indulging in anime, manga, and games.

A vampire otaku... Thank you, this is exactly what I needed. 

D.Gray-Man

Losing a loved one is so painful that one may sometimes wish to be able to resurrect them—a weakness that the enigmatic Millennium Earl exploits. To make his mechanical weapons known as "Akuma," he uses the souls of the dead that are called back. Once a soul is placed in an Akuma, it is trapped forever, and the only way to save them is to exorcise them from their vessel using the Anti-Akuma weapon, "Innocence."

*Piece of advice. D. Gray-Man the first series was not finished in Dub if you’re one who prefers Dub. So heading into D. Gray-Man Hollow, you’ll be confused as hell. It’s best to just watch Sub so you don’t have to worry about missing a huge chunk of info. 

But if you like anime about demons and exorcists there’s more than just Blue Exorcist. This one I suggest because it’s phenomenal, but that’s personal opinion XD

Dance with Devils

Ritsuka Tachibana has always been a good student, so she is completely shocked when she is suddenly summoned by the student council. Even more, they seem to think of Ritsuka as a troublemaker. Led by the handsome Rem Kaginuki, the student council—also consisting of Urie Sogami, Shiki Natsumizaka, and Mage Nanashiro—tries to question her, but it soon becomes clear that they have ulterior motives.

This is one based off an Otome (Dating game) so try YT for gameplay if you wanna see the whole story. Yet another about demons and exorcists, but this time there are vampires and Cerberus added to the mix. Plus for those who know-how Otome heroines are basically pushovers, this one has a strong-willed girl as our protagonist. Thank you, Ritsuka for breaking the mold T/\T

Diabolik Lovers

At the behest of her father, Yui Komori goes to live in a secluded mansion, home to the six Sakamaki brothers—Shuu, Reiji, Ayato, Kanato, Laito, and Subaru—a family of vampires. Though at first the siblings are confused as to why the girl has arrived, they soon realize that she is to be their new "sacrificial bride," not to mention their other, more carnal intentions for her. After meeting the brothers, Yui quickly begins to question why her father would have sent her here and why she feels a strange, new pain in her chest. With each brother more sadistic than the last, Yui's life as a captive takes a harrowing turn in her new home. As her days turn into endless nights, and each brother vows to make her his own, Yui falls deeper and deeper into madness and ecstasy.

Otome with like 4? games, try YT for gameplay. I’m a little sad that it only has two seasons and the episodes are like 13-15 minutes long. Still, if you like Otome based games, you’ve most likely seen this. DO NOT EXPECT VANILLA ROMANCE. THIS IS NOT A FUN RIDE IF YOU EXPECT THAT.

Death Note

A shinigami, as a god of death, can kill any person—provided they see their victim's face and write their victim's name in a notebook called a Death Note. One day, Ryuk, bored by the shinigami lifestyle and interested in seeing how a human would use a Death Note, drops one into the human realm.

Classic... But not my personal cup of tea. I added it because it’s a salute to one of my dear friends.

Little Witch Academia

"A believing heart is your magic!"—these were the words that Atsuko "Akko" Kagari's idol, the renowned witch Shiny Chariot, said to her during a magic performance years ago. Since then, Akko has lived by these words and aspired to be a witch just like Shiny Chariot, one that can make people smile. Hence, even her non-magical background does not stop her from enrolling in Luna Nova Magical Academy.

This one is just cute and intense. Witches are starting to die out but one girl wants desperately to be a witch like her idol was. I love how this brings in witchy elements and some fairy tale elements.

Makai Ouji: Devils and Realist

The story revolves around William, an aristocratic family's progeny with rare intellect. One day, his uncle lost his possessions after his business failed. Fearing that his family's name has been tarnished, William returns home and searches with his family's butler for anything that can be converted into cash. A search of the premises yields an underground room left by an ancestor. In the room is a magical seal, and William unintentionally summons a devil. The summoned devil tells William his name Dantalion and reveals that William is the designator who can choose the acting ruler of the demon world.

If realists were like William, I think the world would be on fire. The poor people that have to deal with him. At least most of them are demons, maybe that will knock his head into gear... right?

Miira No Kaikata 

High school student Sora Kashiwagi is accustomed to receiving bizarre presents from his father, who is on an expedition around the world. Unfortunately, these gifts have been nothing but nightmares. As a result, when his father sends him a huge package from Egypt, Sora prepares himself for the worst, only to be greeted by Mii-kun—a cute, pint-sized mummy! While initially wary, Sora soon learns that Mii-kun is harmless, a delicate creature yearning for attention.

I can understand people who don’t like horror or gore. I was there once. So here’s a cute anime about a boy and his pet mummy. Sanrio really did a great job turning the manga, which was darker than the anime, into something so cute and so wholesome.

Mirai Nikki

Lonely high school student, Yukiteru Amano, spends his days writing a diary on his cellphone while conversing with his two seemingly imaginary friends Deus Ex Machina, who is the god of time and space, and Murmur, the god's servant. Revealing himself to be an actual entity, Deus grants Yukiteru a "Random Diary," which shows highly descriptive entries based on the future and forces him into a bloody battle royale with 11 other holders of similarly powerful future diaries.

I have no word on this.

Owari no Seraph

With the appearance of a mysterious virus that kills everyone above the age of 13, mankind becomes enslaved by previously hidden, power-hungry vampires who emerge in order to subjugate society with the promise of protecting the survivors, in exchange for donations of their blood.

The Apocolypse starts and vampires rule the world. I dunno if that sounds like heaven or hell for me? But in this world, it would certainly be hell. Vampires rule the world but that doesn't mean the humans are gone. An army rises to protect what’s left from the bloodsuckers. And did I mention demons? Along with the concept of corrupt angels? Oh yeah, that’s gotta be hell on earth.

Pandora Hearts

To young Oz Vessalius, heir to the Vessalius Duke House, the perilous world called the Abyss is nothing more than a folktale used to scare misbehaving children. However, when Oz's coming-of-age ceremony is interrupted by the malicious Baskerville Clan intent on banishing him into the depths of the Abyss, the Vessalius heir realizes that his peaceful life of luxury is at its end. Now, he must confront the world of the Abyss and its dwellers, the monstrous "Chains," which are both not quite as fake as he once believed.

I couldn't have found a better gif for this anime. It’s Alice in Wonderland inspired but with a much darker twist than what Disney gave us (and yes I do mean both the original and the Tim Burton version). Enjoy this one because it’s not all dark there is humor to break up the heart-wrenching. But don’t expect it to always be comical. 

Phantom in the Twilight

Set in modern-day London, the story takes place in a world where "Shadows" are born from human fear and anxiety. A young girl arrives to study abroad, only to be caught in a bizarre incident as she enters university. In a city with no acquaintances, the helpless girl wanders into "Café Forbidden," a mysterious café that exclusively opens at midnight. She meets an assortment of handsome men employed at the café, where guardians who protect the boundary between humans and shadow convene

Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and even demons; this one would be great for Halloween. I will admit though, it’s lackluster considering these guys are supposed to be Dracula, the Wolfman, and so on. It might be someone’s cup of tea, just not everyone’s 

Rosario to Vampire

Youkai Academy is a seemingly normal boarding school, except that its pupils are monsters learning to coexist with humans. All students attend in human form and take normal academic subjects, such as literature, gym, foreign language, and mathematics. However, there is one golden rule at Youkai Academy—all humans found on school grounds are to be executed immediately!

I couldn’t get through this one. I’m not gonna lie. It was basically light hentai and I’m not into that kinda stuff, but I feel like someone would have called me out for it not being here so T-T

Servamp 

Mahiru Shirota firmly believes that simple is best and troublesome things should be avoided at all costs. It is troublesome to do nothing and regret it later—and this ideology has led the 15-year-old to pick up a stray cat on his way home from school. As he affectionately names the feline Kuro, little does he know that this chance meeting will spark an extraordinary change in his everyday life.

I’m gonna be completely honest, the manga was better. I love the anime don’t get me wrong. I’ve rewatched it many times. But it cut out so much from the manga. So as an anime, watch it first before reading the manga, then go back and nitpick. If you do it the other way around you may be more disappointed.

Soul Eater

Death City is home to the famous Death Weapon Meister Academy, a technical academy headed by the Shinigami—Lord Death himself. Its mission: to raise "Death Scythes" for the Shinigami to wield against the many evils of their fantastical world. These Death Scythes, however, are not made from physical weapons; rather, they are born from human hybrids who have the ability to transform their bodies into Demon Weapons, and only after they have consumed the souls of 99 evil beings and one witch's soul. This one is perfect for Halloween with it’s dark but funny themes. If you prefer the cutesier stuff like I do sometimes try Soul Eater NOT! The concept of soul-eating monsters and a school that teaches teens to fight and destroy them, A+ content. Plus some of those teens turn into actual weapons. Where is my sign up sheet? I would gladly take that over normal boring high school. Also add the grim reaper into the mix then give him a funny voice and disposition. Gold I tell ya.

Togainu no Chi

In the wake of a third world war that left Japan in ruins, an organization known as Vischio seized control of Tokyo and renamed it Toshima. Taking place in its back alleys are battle games known as Igura, overseen by the Vischio, in which contestants battle and bathe in each other's blood to earn the chance to go up against its tournament's king, Il-re.

This one is for all my lovely fujoshi/fudanshi peoples. It’s a dark anime and based off a rated M, BL Otome. Sinners welcome.

Tokyo Ghoul

Tokyo has become a cruel and merciless city—a place where vicious creatures called “ghouls” exist alongside humans. The citizens of this once great metropolis live in constant fear of these bloodthirsty savages and their thirst for human flesh. However, the greatest threat these ghouls pose is their dangerous ability to masquerade as humans and blend in with society.

This one is mainstream for a reason. It’s a good story, anime or manga. Mainly manga. Anyway, I haven’t seen Re yet, but I’ve heard it’s sheit. Still gonna watch it though cause why the hell not.

Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitteiru

Growing up as an orphan, Yuki Sakurai questions his reason for living and the ability to see a person's painful memory by simply touching them. After receiving anonymous notes telling him to die, Yuki is unable to shake off the nagging feeling forming inside of him. Unbeknownst to him, he is being watched, both by people who want to harm him and those who want to protect him.

Reincarnation from a girl to a boy and the girl had a hot lover that is now with her male reincarnation. And the lover is a vampire. Man, that’s confusing but the story is good. I have yet to read the manga. The anime was great from what I can remember, so give it a shot. It’s another BL anime, so proceed with caution.

Vampire Knight

Cross Academy is an elite boarding school with two separate, isolated classes: the Day Class and the Night Class. On the surface, Yuuki Cross and Zero Kiryuu are prefects of the academy and attempt to keep order between the students as classes rotate in the evenings. As the Night Class is full of utterly gorgeous elites, this can sometimes prove to be a bit difficult. It is completely necessary, however, as those "elites" are actually vampires. Yuuki and Zero act as guardians, protecting the secrets of the Night Class and the safety of their ignorant morning counterparts.

If twilight was an anime, but Bella and Edward were siblings and Jacob was another vampire. This is not a great anime but let's face it, some of us watched it as preteens, enjoyed it, and were head over heels for Zero and/or Kaname. It’s a trash anime, but great for those who are 21 and over. Do I hear drinking games, anyone?

All synopsis came from My Anime List (where the links take you). Also, I’m sorry it’s a lot to read, I just didn’t want to cut them down. Feel free to add what you think should have been on here, or what you think is a Halloween favorite on reposts. Comments are welcome and have a happy spooky season!

[mae-gi-writes]

Of Smoke Rings And Cigarettes (Yoongi/Suga x OC) Part 6 [Final]

Synopsis: Yoongi was a merciless killer working for one of the mafia gangs in town. Danah was a waitress that had to support her two younger siblings. When she accidentally witnesses one of Yoongi’s murders, he makes sure to blackmail her into silence. What he hadn’t considered was, in fact, the strangest possibility that this particular girl could make him see the world differently.

Part: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six (FINAL) 

5 YEARS LATER

Many things can change in 5 years.

Danah has never been one to think of herself before her other siblings, but Yoongi’s words got her thinking that maybe she should start being a little selfish. So she waited patiently for two years, working endless hours while Lisa would study hard, Samuel in the back of her mind, before she had gathered enough money to secure Lisa’s education for the rest of the year. Only then has she managed to relax, give in her letter of resignation, and start doing what she really wanted.

Danah has always been attracted to helping people, and not because it makes her feel better about herself but only because it alleviates some part of the guilt she feels. So it’s only normal that when she stumbles upon an ad looking for a primary school art teacher, she doesn’t think twice before jumping at the chance.

Of course, she doesn’t have any background education. She has to fund for some crash courses, having sealed a deal with the said school that she could work with them as long as she fullfilled her qualifications. And so, she spent most of her free time studying, actually feeling like a real student after so long.

She feels accomplished once she gets the job, promises that she’ll do her best to certify her knowledge, and her siblings are more than proud to watch her grow and learn and become someone driven with passion.

Throughout all this, Yoongi sends her a bunch of letters, to which she writes back with barely contained excitement at every passing day that gets him closer to his desired freedom. It’s hard sometimes, tougher on others, but she does her best to keep the hope and optimism alive even when five years is a long way down the line.

It’s a typical Tuesday afternoon and Danah is correcting some third grader’s attempts at an Essay. It’s cute, filled with innocence and honesty that it makes her giggle. More and more she seems to appreciate the nature of children, and plus, they’ve all grown on her individually. There is so much potential in every student that it makes her proud to see them grow. As she’s busy jotting down a few encouraging notes for one of her brightest children, there’s a knock upon her office door.

‘Come in,’ she calls out without looking up from her corrections. She sees someone enter from the corner of her eye, and it’s only when she recognises a glimpse of white blond hair that she looks up.

Yoongi gazes back at her. Not a word is spoken.

Danah’s pen clatters onto the table. She jolys up from her desk as though it burns her, blinking at the said individual with dawning realisation.

‘What— What are you—‘ she struggles to find the words that are lodged in the back of her throat, ‘You never told me when you were coming back.’

‘I wanted to surprise you.’ He steps towards her desk, advancing slowly while his eyes trailed up her features, taking in all of her presence like she’s a breathtaking view he has yet to see.

‘When did you get out?’

‘This morning.’ He places a hand onto her desk, leaning casually with his head cocked to the side. A smirk slides onto his curved lips and she stares, transfixed by the recognizable yet foreign gesture.

This is Yoongi. She knows him, and yet it seems like she doesn’t. He’s familiar yet unfamiliar. Foreign but family.

The emotional wave hits her like a ton of bricks, causing her to gasp in surprise. Before she knows it, she has jumped into his arms and has shoved her face into the crook of his neck, happy tears threatening to spill at the corner of her eyes.

He’s here, she chants like a never ending prayer, he’s here in the flesh. Finally.

She can’t— she won’t believe it. This feels unreal— is unreal.

And yet it’s not.

‘I missed you,’ she unconsciously whispers into the hollow between his neck and shoulder, before realizing what she just said.

Her mind blanks. Her breath leaves her.

She’s about to take a step back and recoil from the sudden confession, only to be restrained when Yoongi’s arms tighten around her.

His mouth places itself at her ear, warm breath washing over her skin and sending a skittle of electrical sparks down her back, ‘I missed you too.’

A soft blush blossoms through her face, and she’s thankful that at this moment he can’t see her expression. So she stays in his embrace, relishes in the warmth it gives her, appreciates his strong frame against her bony curves. It’s been a while and they are silent for a long moment, just appreciating each other’s presence.

Danah would’ve probably held on forever if the director hadn’t knocked at her office door asking her to close up and go home. She’s known for overworking herself, which had resulted in a few trips to the hospital, and she quickly hollers out an answer as Yoongi chuckles into her ear.

‘How’d you find me?’ She asks when they pull away so that she can pack up her stuff. Danah shoves the things into her bag without much care, scared that if she looks away Yoongi might be gone.

‘I have my ways,’ he sends her a pointed look, ‘Why did you think Chang loved me so much?’

Danah grimaces, ‘right.’

‘How are Samuel and Lisa?’ He asks.

‘Fine,’ she replies while putting some order on her desk, ‘Lisa’s doing what she loves and I’m so happy for her. Samuel is growing too fast for his own good. You should see him talk now. God, he loves talking. He’ll be like one of those business men who love talking when he grows up.’

‘Really?’ The blonde man’a lips curve into a smile, affection glimmering through his eyes, ‘I’m glad to hear that.’

‘And you?’ Danah looks at him with a raised brow, ‘how are you?’

Her question holds so much depth and she knows it. But it only depends on Yoongi, how much he’ll give away to the life of one who’s restrained to a cell for twenty three hours a day.

‘I’m alright.’ He clears his throat, ‘It’s been a long five years.’

‘I can imagine that.’

‘There are some… good people.’ He continues hesitantly, ‘some are there because of the circumstances. Course, there are some that deserve to be where they are. But for some you feel bad. It’s when you know the system’s fucked.’

‘Like every other system.’

He nods, ‘basically.’

‘So where are you staying?’ She asks as they make their way out through the school courtyard. Part of her hopes that he’s already secured his own place so that she can be relieved for him, so that she can keep her distance. The other part— the selfish part— just hopes he’ll just come over to stay, if only for one night.

She missed him so much.

‘I don’t have anywhere to stay,’ he ruffles the back of his head before squinting up at the afternoon sky, ‘I guess I’ll have to start flat hunting.’

‘You can stay.’ She blurts out before she can stop herself, ‘with us. For one night, I mean.’

A pause ensues and Danah isn’t sure whether that’s a good sign or not. Her heart is beating so hard she practically feels it booming through her ears like drums. Yoongi’s eyes dall onto hers, as if contemplating her decision for a few beats of silence. And when she thinks that it might’ve been just the stupidest idea to propose, the corner of hi mouth slides up into a crooked smirk. The one that she likes so much.

‘Sure,’ his shoulder lifts into a shrug, ‘I guess it can’t hurt.’

After Yoongi’s arrest, Lisa had seen her older sister mope about for the longest time and instantly understood the reason behind it. It hadn’t surprised her actually, for she’d seen it coming. But it wasn’t a few weeks after that she managed to confront Danah about it face to face. When she did ask the older girl about her lingering feelings for the man, the latter had blushed and adamantly denied the fact— except what Lisa had stated was true.

‘Don’t deny it.’ Lisa lets out a sigh, ‘it’s written all over your face.’

Danah doesn’t want to admit the truth, but it’s clear that Lisa isn’t going to let go of it so easily. And so she finally relents: ‘I might, but it doesn’t change anything.’

‘And you’re okay with the fact that he’s a murderer, a killer?’

‘He’s never been one, not to me.’ Danah murmurs, tiredness seepinf through her voice, ‘He’s just Yoongi. And that’s who I do like. No the killer they make him out to be.’

After much debate, it had taken Lisa a few days to wrap her head around the idea. But once the icy atmosphere had faded around her sister, Danah knew that everything would somehow be alright.

Samuel is beyond delighted when the unexpected guest steps into their house, but Lisa is quick to bring him back to order, reminding him of his manners. Danah arranges a spot for him on an inflatable mattress beside her bed, while Yoongi decides to treat them by cooking the dinner that night. It’s enough to melt the ice that dissipates into comfortableness around the table.

‘Where have you been?!’ Samuel exclaims for the millionth time, while Yoongi sends Danah a look that’s pleading for help.

‘Oh, out and about.’ He says when Danah adamantly looks down at her plate, avoiding eye contact as much as she can, ‘Some odd jobs here and there. I traveled, mostly.’

‘Where to? Tell me!’

‘Well, uh—‘

‘He can’t,’ Lisa interjects, ‘it’s confidential.’

Samuel starts to pout, ‘but Lisa’ he drags on her name like a religious mantra, but the older girl shakes her head, ‘nope. Sorry buddy. Can’t tell you.’

Yoongi is more than grateful for Lisa’s help, for he mouths his thanks at her when Samuel’s not looking. Lisa’s lips curl into a small smile in response, before lifting her shoulder into a shrug as if saying that it’s no big deal.

Samuel is insistent upon Yoongi putting him to sleep, which the older man does while Danah is taking her shower. Goodnights are exchanged before Lisa retreats to her room, and Danah peeps into her younger brother’s room only to see both sleeping soundly.

Giggling under her breath, she quietly makes her way into the room before shaking Yoongi’s shoulder. As expected, the man jolts, eyes ijerking open as if he’s expecting danger.

He relaxes when he notices it’s only Danah. Then, his gaze sweeps onto Samuel’s sleeping form curled in his lap.

‘Shit,’ he mutters underneath his breath.

‘Language,’ chides Danah, before gently easing Samuel out of Yoongi’s embrace. She tucks the child in his bed and smoothes the blanket over him before pressing a chaste kiss atop his head.

‘Goodnight, Sam.’ She murmurs. She notices Yoongi’s eyes at the edge of her vision but tries not to cringe at the attention. Then, guiding the man by the shoulder, she stops him from stumbling  into the door before pulling him towards her bedroom. Yoongi’s eyes are barely open when they make it to their destination, and if it isn’t for Danah’s grip on his arm, he might’ve already been sprawled out on the floor.

All these years in the prison had drained him of life. He barely manages to get a solid good hours of sleep everyday, let alone with all the exercise and activities that the prison organises every day for their convicts.

It’s the first day out of it and already his eyelids are drooping with sleep.

‘Yoongi, come on. Help me put here,’ Danah murmurs as she struggles to put him to bed. But the man stumbles right into her arms, face breathing into the crook of her neck. His weight makes her topple onto her bed, body against body, heat against heat.

Danah blinks, a blush rising into her cheeks, ‘Yoongi,’ she mumbles, ‘you need to get to bed.’

The young man mumbles some incoherent words, but burrows himself deeper into her warmth. She can feel the blood rushing to her face, squirming underneath him.

‘Yoongi,’ she tries again, flailing her arms to no avail, ‘Yoongi.’

‘Can I just stay here,’ he murmurs softly, voice slurring.

In any normal circumstances, Danah would’ve pushed him away and instructed him to go lie in his own bed. But really, she doesn’t have the energy and plus, she doesn’t really have a choice. He’s already sleeping soundly and it would be a waste to wake him up and disrupt him.

She makes a move to nudge him to the side in hopes of extricating herself from his own body when Yoongi grunts, arms suddenly winding around her waist and rolling her over so that she’s lying atop him, blinking in confusion.

‘I won’t try anything,’ he mumbles in response to the nervous feeling tightening inside her chest, ‘I promise. It’s just more comfortable that way.’

She isn’t sure whether he’s sleeptalking, but that wouldn’t surprise her. Slowly extricating herself from his grasp, she lets out a gasp when the man’s arms tighten around her middle, stopping any kindi of escape.

‘Just sleep.’ His alto his deep, rough. It makes her shiver.

And it’s not like she has a choice. She can either struggle for nothing or just give up and get her own sleep. It will benefit both of them in the long run.

With a deep sigh, she forces her muscles to relax, nose bumping against his collarbone as she takes a moment to breathe in his musky scent. He smells like wood and freshly washed clothes, a hint of her lavender soap. A small smile spreads across Danah’s face.

‘Thanks,’ she whispers, knowing that he’s already asleep and that she’s probably talking to herself. But she continues on anyway, ‘for coming back.’

He surprises her then, by landing his lips at the corner of her temple. She can’t help but shiver at the contact, ‘‘you’re welcome.’

————————

There’s something very comforting about feeling the warmth of an individual the moment her eyelids flutter open. Danah blinks, wearily covering her eyes with her forearm as the sunlight prickles over her skin, nudging her out of her sleep. She knows she has to wake up, and yet her muscles are heavy, tugging her to the deep end of sleep. As she turns to her side, she realizes that an arm -- more explicitly, Yoongi’s arm-- is draped across her middle and stopping any chance of movement.

She bites her lower lip, chewing thoughtfully as thoughts of his forehead kiss drift back to her, making her feel like a little schoolgirl for wanting to squeal at such a banal experience. Impulsively, her eyes drift up towards the said man’s face and for the first time, notices how peaceful he seems.

He’s usually so reserved and guarded, an expression that gives nothing away, that the softness of vulnerability emanating from Yoongi’s face is something close to a miracle. Danah can’t help but smile as she reaches out with one hand, pushing a stray blonde strand out of his face.

How many nights has he just lied there in his cell, thinking of the moment he’d be finally free, walking through these prison doors never to look back? She can’t help but think of all the sadness, all the pain he kept inside because it’s not in his nature to voice his troubles and put them on other’s shoulders. He’s always been so private about his struggles and yet, Danah wants him to share, wants to help him through no matter how dark it might get.

And she wants him to understand that. Because after all this time, she is still really, deeply, madly in love with him.

With her finger, Danah hesitates slightly before reaching out to trace his nose. It’s soft and dewy, as pale as moonlight. She giggles when his face scrunches up slightly before relaxing again. A soft sigh falls from his lips, causing Danah’s own to stretch into a soft smile filled with affection.

She did miss him, a lot more than she lets on.

Lifting her hand up once more, Danah decides to trace the underside of his lips instead and a tingle dances down her spine at the thought of touching her mouth to his, wondering how it must feel. She has never been kissed, has always been kept in the dark about such things mostly due to the fact that while others had been out enjoying their youth, Danah had to work to survive.

Plus, it’s not like she has ever been interested in these matters. Not until she met someone that set her heart on fire, someone that made her want to experience these kinds of things. Yoongi.

A hand suddenly shoots out, grabbing hers. Danah yelps, eyes flying up to the said man’s face.

Yoongi’s eyes are wide awake and alert, but narrowed as he squints down at her. ‘What are you doing?’ he asks with suspicion dripping from his voice.

She blinks owlishly at him, heat slowly crawling up her neck at the fact that she’s been caught red-handed in the act. ‘N-Nothing.’ she stammers in hopes that it will satisfy him.

It doesn’t.

‘Am I supposed to buy that lie?’

Hesitating, Danah isn’t sure whether it’s a trick question or not. What with the sun lighting up the back of his blonde locks and casting a golden halo around his face, Danah’s words seem to dry up on her mouth the more she gazes at him. He almost looks angelic, like he just dropped from heaven. She is too busy lost and arguing with her own thoughts that she doesn’t realize how much she is gaping at him wordlessly like a stupid goldfish. Instantly, she shuts her mouth and looks away, ‘I’m not lying.’

‘Sure,’ he answers in a sing-song voice, ‘whatever floats your boat.’

Danah scowls. Too bad the prison hasn’t taught him the values of modesty, for he doesn’t seem to have any.

‘Do you have work today?’ Yoongi’s lazy alto is deeper, seems scratchier from his sleep. Danah pillows her head to the side so that she has a full view of his face turned towards hers, his breath warm and comforting, his heart a steady echo in the background.

She feels his arm around her middle, tries to focus on answering his question instead of giving importance to his hand that is going up and down in gentle, sweeping caresses along her back.

‘Oh shit.’ she mumbles underneath her breath, but loud enough for Yoongi to hear. Glancing at the clock, a soft groan rumbles from her throat when she realizes it’s half past seven and she will definitely be late, before she makes a move to get out of bed — out of Yoongi’s arms.

But it seems like the said man has other plans.

He tugs her back with enough force that she tumbles right onto his chest, face inches apart from his own while Danah gasps softly at the suddenness of the situation. She’s about to open her mouth and protest that some people need to make a living, when Yoongi’s fingers suddenly slip right underneath her shirt to rest on her bare back.

She yelps, startled by his boldness, ‘Yoongi, what—‘

His other hand reaches up to cup her cheek, interrupting her in mid-sentence. He caresses the side of her face, still not saying anything, thumb tracing the edge of her lower lip.

Danah can only stare and keep on staring. Her mouth runs dry. Her eyes stop blinking.

She feels her heart sputtering through her chest, almost as if she’s going to have a heart attack.

‘You’re a funny girl, Danah.’ Yoongi’s voice sends chills running down her spine. She has to force herself not to shiver, but his words are enough of a distraction. Her brown orbs look at him with a perplexed look, eyebrows furrowed at the centre. But if he sees her question, he ignores the answer and instead asks her something else.

‘Hey,’ he mumbles, his deep alto practically a purr, ‘Have you ever been kissed?’

Danah blinks. Opens her mouth. Blushes right to her toes.

And then realizes that she can’t say anything in her defence because it’s obvious that the answer is no. And it’s not like he’s being of much help either. Yoongi is just staring up at her face, thumb still teasingly pushing and prodding her mouth while his fingers are slowly moving up her backside, causing her to unconsciously arch into him as the sensation ripples through her spine.

‘I’m guessing it’s a no, considering you haven’t said anything for the past minute,’ He comments lightly, jokingly. Danah feels like punching his face when he grins. Making fun of her virgin lips is nothing to be happy about, she grumbles mentally to herself, and from her facial expression he has probably guessed the amount of curse words she’s spitting out to him, for he chuckles.

Then, in a swift motion, he places a hand on the back of her neck. Tugs her forward.

His lips meet hers.

Softly at first, almost feather-like.

It’s a soft pressure of a mouth to another, but it’s enough to send a million fireworks flying throughout her body. The air practically leaves her chest, leaves her gasping for more. More of his kiss and more of his lips. Yoongi presses another kiss with more intensity this time, and she hesitantly follows his lead while a sigh escapes her. There is nothing but her and Yoongi kissing. Nothing can stop the fire that has started to blossom in the middle of her chest. They keep on kissing and kissing, the time falling away while their bodies press against each other to seek for warmth, for pleasure. At the back of her mind, she can feel the blonde’s hands slowly trailing up her spine, leaving behind a series of sweet sensations that leave her gasping against him. Yoongi grins into the kiss, before catching her lower lip and sucking onto the patch of skin to show her that he’s pleased with her reaction.

Danah can’t help but groan in his mouth while her hands find a life of their own, traveling up his torso, running along his shoulders before fisting themselves into the curls of his hair. That blonde, luscious hair that she has admired from afar for so long. A grunt falls from Yoongi’s lips then, egging her own for more while his hips start rolling onto hers as an invitation to an intimate dance only they know.

She doesn’t know how long they lie there, exchanging kisses as if they’d been doing it all their lives. But Danah can feel it, can feel how right it is, how her body seems to fit into his without effort as though they are meant to be. When they pull apart, it’s only to gasp for air, eyes locked onto each other’s as the remaining sparks dance along their skin.

Yoongi’s mouth curl at the corners, giving her crooked smile that can make her knees go weak, ‘You can tell everyone that your first kiss blew your mind.’

Cocky bastard, Danah thinks. She scoffs, ‘You think a little too highly of yourself.’

‘Please,’ Yoongi’s grin widens, ‘Are you saying this wasn’t the best kiss you ever had?’

‘This is the only kiss I ever had.’

‘And it’s the only kiss you’ll ever have.’ he replies smugly and earns himself a small slap on the shoulder. Danah rolls her eyes while he guffaws at his own joke. His arms lace around her middle, pulling her even closer if that’s even possible. Looking up at her face and pushing back a stray strand of hair behind her ear, Yoongi lets out another smile, one that sends Danah’s heart skittering.

‘Hey,’ He whispers, feeling Danah’s fingers trace over his collarbones, an area that had been foreign to her all this time which now belongs to her and only her. Her eyes flutter up to meet his, noticing how his brown orbs are swirling with a tenderness that has her bite her lip to restrain from grinning from ear to ear. She’s pretty sure that she has the same expression plastered across her face like a lovesick puppy.

‘Hm?'

‘I love you.’

Heat erupts through her veins, colouring her neck and cheeks with a dust of pink as she can’t help but let out a genuine burst of laughter at his statement. It catches her by surprise, but it’s a pleasant melody ringing through her ears, making her grin from ear to ear.

‘I love you too.’ she murmurs, before burrowing herself back into the crook of his neck. They lie there in the morning sunlight bathing their skin, each sharing the softest, tenderest feeling of happiness. It was pure and genuine, it was what joy feels like.

And Danah wouldn’t have it any other way.

A/N: And Voila! The final part of Smoke Rings And Cigarettes is up :) Thank you everyone for being part of this joyful ride. I hope that you enjoyed reading this small instalment as much as I loved writing it. Yoongi is such an inspiration to me, as an artist and as a person himself and I’ve always imagined him to be tough yet soft on the inside, so I hope I portrayed that well through this series! :) 

I have other short stories planned out but haven’t had the chance to write anything concrete down, but there are a lot of things coming up so stay tuned! Once again, thank you for the neverending support guys, I love you all :)  CHEERS! ~ 

[laceyeb]

Just getting some more feelings out tonight.....

I’ve been working so hard lately to try to understand myself and be patient with myself and be confident in who I am. It’s somehow getting both easier and harder at the same time.

I’m struggling. Because the more comfortable I feel about being bisexual, the more uncomfortable I feel about not telling people. Even though I’m still working on telling just me.

I’m doing all the “right” things, as if there are right things to be doing right now. I’m exposing myself to as much advice and positivity and media as I possibly can. I keep looking at the list of blogs I’ve recently followed and laughing because it’s ALL bi/general LGBT stuff. I read every post just wanting to know that what I’m thinking and feeling and going through is okay and normal. I just want to know I’m doing it right, even though I know there is no one right way. And every fear and doubt that I have comes up in all the advice I read saying it’s okay to feel the way I do, but I still worry that the way I feel is wrong. I don’t yet know how to be confident.

I’m trying though. Last time I roadtripped back up to northern California, I was alone in my car and I said, “I am bisexual” out loud for the very first time. It took me a little while to work up to it. I was saying it in my head and then I was just mouthing the words and then finally I whispered it out loud and it was a thrill. And it was so good to realize that it felt right. When I said it out loud, it was good and not so scary anymore. It didn’t feel like it was wrong or a mistake. Now I’m working on saying it out loud in front of the mirror. Looking myself in the eyes and being able to say, “I’m bi” is a whole new level. Sometimes I think, “This is stupid. If it’s this hard for me, maybe I’m wrong after all.” But I’m not. I just know I’m not wrong. I can’t even say how or why I know. It’s just something I feel.

So here’s my new thing I’ve been thinking about. For only the second time in my whole almost 27 years, I might have found a guy who might actually be interested in me. (I’m pretty sure at this point. I don’t think I’ve read allll the signs wrong. At least I hope not.) And I know I should tell him how I feel about him and I want to, but I just can’t. A big chunk of that is just my general anxiety. It’s like I’m physically incapable of saying the words to him. Or any words sometimes. I’m just absolutely petrified because I don’t do this kind of thing. I’m not brave. I don’t have any practice being brave like this. I just can’t do it. But sometimes I think there’s more to this than my general lack of dating practice.

In all my research I’ve been doing, I know it’s normal to have a preference if you’re bi. And I would assume that for me it would be guys just because I thought that’s all it was for my whole life until now. But now I don’t know. I feel like maybe my it’s girls and that’s terrifying for a myriad of reasons. 1) I’m still working on getting comfortable with being bi in general. Throw in a preference for girls and I feel like my whole life gets flipped upside down again. How could I not have figured this out by now?! 2) Maybe I just feel like I prefer girls because it’s like this new, shiny, exciting thing. The concept is so new to me that it’s just more appealing and this whole new world has opened up in front of me. 3) I think about my future. (This is something I’ve read a lot about.) I think about which sounds “better.” I try to figure out what I want. And right now I think, like if I forced myself to pick, I’m leaning toward girls. I think. Maybe. I don’t know. I’m just a mess and thoroughly confused and it’s not like it even matters. It’s not like I’m actually choosing as if I have options standing in front of me because I don’t. But when I think about being with a girl, it just feels… good. Honestly, that was scary to type. It’s scary to think I’m different than I used to be. (Even if I’m not different deep down.) It’s scary to feel like I’m changing so much so fast. (Even if this is how I’ve always been and I’m just now figuring it out.) I don’t know if being with a girl sounds better because it’s what I’ve been seeing so much more of (in all the tv shows and movies I’ve been watching lately in my efforts to “catch up”) or if it’s because that’s how I actually feel. I don’t know how to separate the two. But right now I’m leaning more toward “how I actually feel.” 4) This is something I actually want to explore. I want to know if this is real and really how I feel. But HOW?! I’m not a “just go out and meet people” kind of person. I’m not a “ask someone to set me up with someone they know” kind of person. I’m not an online dating kind of person. I’m not. I never will be. I’ve got all this social anxiety and I don’t even always feel comfortable talking to people I actually know and like. I’m a “hope someone who finds me even remotely appealing happens to fall into my life and has more confidence than me” kind of person. How am I supposed to “meet people” and, even scarier, how am I supposed to meet girls?! Girls who like girls?! How do I do that?! I don’t even know how to meet guys! Hell… I don’t even know how to make friends with new people! So as much as this is something I want to do and explore and figure out, I don’t know how. Well, no. I know how. But it’s like I can’t do it.

So long story short from all that rambling: I’ve got this guy who I like and who I think likes me, but I’m hesitating now because I might like girls more. But let’s be realistic. I tell him I like him (and it turns out he likes me, too) and it’s not like that’s it. It’s not like I’m forever attached to him for the rest of my life and I never have a chance to explore an attraction to anyone else. But that’s where my brain goes because I don’t know how to do this. I’m not a “relationship person” or a “dating person” because really I’m neither. But if I was one, I’m absolutely a relationship person. I wouldn’t be the casual dating type. Ever. I never will be. It’s gonna be all or nothing for me. So even though telling someone I have feelings for them is not a “go all in” type situation and I know that, it still is in my brain.

I am absolutely nowhere near wanting to come out to anyone in my real life. Actually, that’s not totally true. I want to, but I’m not going to. I kind of feel like I’m dropping teeny tiny little hints here and there. Like when I was watching a tv show with my parents the other day and this guy was talking about coming out as gay and normally I would have ignored it or not paid attention or pretended I wasn’t listening. This time I made a point of paying attention. And letting them see that I was paying attention. I didn’t say anything. I just watched. And yesterday after I met Sharna and I was excitedly posting stuff on tumblr while my mom and I were walking around and she said, “What are you doing? Texting a boyfriend?” And I said, “Yeah. I’m telling him I’m leaving him for Sharna.” Obviously a joke, but I said that. I implied the possibility of leaving a guy for a girl. And I didn’t even do it on purpose. It was just a slightly sarcastic joke that slipped out. But I said it and I don’t regret it.

Here’s another thing. Some of my students (8th graders mostly) are excessively interested in my love life (or lack thereof). I’m young and single and have a good relationship with my students, so it just happens and I don’t mind it. I don’t mind joking around with them a bit. But then the other day I was sitting with a group of my kids while we just in like a study hall period and one of my students (who is openly bi, and she’s not the only one at my school) asked if I like girls, even though my students have only ever joked about me needing a boyfriend. And I got kind of flustered wanting to say the right thing and I said, “Is that really appropriate for us to be talking about?” And she said, “What? It’s okay. It’s not inappropriate.” And I just wanted to yell at her, “YES I DO!” But the absolute last thing I need is the entire student body gossiping about my sexuality. I don’t care about them knowing, but I don’t need to tell them, nor should I. But then I feel like I’m lying. Especially to this girl who is bi herself. Here’s what I want right now: I want to somehow bring up the idea with a couple of my closest coworkers and just drop an “I’m bi” (in more or less words) into the conversation like it’s not a big deal. Because at this point, I think that’s what I’m most comfortable doing. I want to be out to someone. Anyone. I feel like it makes it more real (even though I know it’s not less real if I’m not out). And my closest work friends right now are my best option. Not my family. And I don’t really even have any close real life friends in life right now. I’ve got a few friends from high school/college I still talk to on occasion and I’ve got my best friend from high school who I don’t talk to much anymore but it’s like no time has passed when we do. But she’s pretty religious and has a few super homophobic friends. I don’t know her own point of view because it’s not something we’ve ever talked about, but this would be a weird thing to just drop on her right now out of nowhere. So… That’s where I’m at there.

I think that’s all the new feelings I needed to get out tonight.

One last thing on a happier note: I made myself a bracelet, like a friendship bracelet from a youtube video. It’s a chevron pattern and it’s pink, purple, and blue stripes, the colors of the bi pride flag. I wear it now like my arm would fall off if I didn’t. It’s like a tiny security blanket and I love wearing because it feels like such a statement, even if I’m the only one who knows what it means. It makes me feel out without actually having to be out. It’s been really comforting and I love it.

[cadpadawan]

What a time to be alive!

On March 11 2020 the World Health Organization declared that the outbreak of a viral disease, with a name similar to a certain brand of light beer, had reached the level of a global pandemic. In the panic reaction, that ensued the reports about the number of the infected, the mass demand on toilet paper and instant noodles skyrocketed on an intergalactic scale. As I let this sink in, it becomes increasingly clear that not even the best of stand-up comedians could have made this shit up!

A great deal of the recent public narrative has focused on the importance of social distancing, and something as surreal as the correct hand washing technique. It turns out, that an acute and extremely violent diarrhea is not a typical symptom of this disease. So, even in the most unfortunate case, that I would become infected with this novel coronavirus-thingy, it wouldn't be exactly the most rational manouver to stockpile 500 rolls of toilet paper, in preparation for a two-week isolation period. Unless, of course, I happened to have some weird pre-existing medical condition that would force me to poop runny and fluid shit non-stop in this doomsday bunker of mine. So far, I haven't been diagnosed with such a syndrome, not that I know of, anyway.

Of course...

There is always the chance, that the universe had a special treat preserved just for me, for a special occassion, like this:

SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!

As for the counter-measures...I have actually practiced the noble art of social distancing and personal hygiene long before it started trending. You see, I'm not exactly a people's person. I'm more like one of those ”mind your own business and fuck off!”-persons. And coming to think of it... What kind of person does NOT wash hands after taking a shit, anyways?!?

Seriously, though...Now the University of Applied Sciences, where I am currently studying mechanical engineering, has also closed doors. The University administration had the forethought to do so in advance, a week before the Finnish government ordered all schools to go online. The ongoing product development school project is pretty easy to execute online, luckily. So, in this respect, this global panic should not compromise my studies that much. I'm quite self-disciplined, so this sudden change of plans did not exactly freak me out. I think I have the emotional strenght to focus on this school project, despite the fact that it would be much more pleasant to binge on alcoholic beverages and PS4 for the next couple of weeks. On a side note, I've been playing the novelty PS4 game Death Stranding for a few months now. Suddenly, the dystopian atmosphere of the game does not seem that far-fetched. We are turning into something similar to the game's isolated prepper characters. (Or, to be more to-the-point, I doubt there ever was a time when humanity was truly connected – when there was no physical barriers, we built the barriers in our minds, that's for sure...)

While conducting an in-depth online research into the topic of the school project, I also went through the trouble of getting the facts straight about the coronavirus via some quality sources of information. Let's face it: social media does not qualify as such. If I was dumb enough to take the corona-garbage in my Facebook newsfeed seriously, it would mean that this COVID-19 outbreak was either:

1) a punishment from a narcissistic god, on the grounds that humanity is a bunch of ungrateful little shits, wallowing in a cesspool of sin – homosexuality, gender equality and veganism, in particular.

2) a pre-emptive strike in the forth-coming WW3, conducted by a biological weapon that was engineered in some top-secret level-5 security military lab in Wuhan, China.

3) A dick move played on the Jumanji-board, that some douchebag accidentally came across in the estate of his deceased grandmother.

4) A Black Death reconstruction executed by the aliens responsible for this shit show simulation.

So, what the actual fuck is this coronavirus, then?

We are witnessing the triumph of an infectious disease, that is caused by a severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus-2 (SARS-CoV2). The COVID-19 monicker seems to stand for a novel CO-rona-VI-rus D-isease that emerged in 2019.

Coronaviruses are fairly common in the animal kingdom, although, this novel coronavirus seems to be one of a kind, that has not been previously detected. If I asked my internet friends here, they would probably say something along the lines of ”I'm not saying it was aliens...but it was aliens!”

Either that, or Mother Nature just wants to kill us all?

The source of the virus is not yet fully known. The latest findings suggest all kinds of bat-related stuff. So, I guess it would be fairly safe to assume, that the world has now officially gone bat shit crazy? The year 2020 will be forever remembered as the Great Pandemic of toilet paper hoarding. Officially, the common symptoms of COVID-19 include high fever, dry coughing, shortness of breath, fatigue paired with muscle and joint pain. No mention of convulsive diarrhea anywhere. Are the government officials withholding some crucial information, in the best dystopian fashion? I guess it would prove pretty hard to maintain morale, if the public was told that we are going to dive in some deep shit, in the most literal meaning of the expression.

Well, I didn't stock up on emergency supplies.

I'm a student with no budget, for fuck's sake. I live from one government hand-me-down to the next, or as we say in Finnish: ”kädestä suuhun”. It literally means ”from hand to mouth”. I could not possibly afford to stockpile shitload of TP or anything else, for that matter. Not that I even wanted to. I find it extremely hard to believe, that the world is going to run out of toilet paper any time soon...or...if a single drop of bat guano is going to collapse all civilization as we know it, then...maybe all this so-called ”civilization” is not so civilized to begin with... From a bystander's view, this onslaught of basic human stupidity, that this pandemic seems to have released upon us, makes it fairly easy to relate to the idea, that Mother Nature really wants us all dead. Maybe...just maybe...the real virus that is threatening all lifeforms on this blue planet is human, not some small agent that replicates inside the cell of an organism. After millennias of gang-bang-thank-you-Ma’m it's payback time?

Whatever the case, it's peculiar that, at this point, the virus seems to have entered Europe via Italy. Well, it still remains to be confirmed, but...if this actually proves to be the case, it would bear an uncanny resemblance to another historical pandemic from way back – the Black Death, that swepth across Europe in the 14th century. Well, y'know...history on repeat etc...

The Black Death, a.k.a. The Great Bubonic Plague, was the first major outbreak of a pandemic on the European continent. It probably originated somewhere along the Mongol conquest of China, due to a pathogen spillover event. Such an event most likely took place somewhere in the Hubei province in China in late 2019. A reservoir population with a high pathogen prevalence, like maybe some killer bats from outer space, or a secret military lab, came into contact with a novel and unsuspecting host population – the ordinary chinese folks doing some grocery shopping at the local market.

Back in the day, the war-mongering Mongols obviously had no clue about the correct hand washing technique, or cough etiquette. The plague spread like wildfire among the troops. It was caused by a bitchy pathogen, a bacterium called Yersinia Pestis. Eventually, the pathogen traveled down the Silk Road to the seaports of Europe, among the Mongol army. To be precise, the pathogen was actually carried by fleas that black rats were infested with. When the Mongol armies arrived at Europe, things got a bit gruesome. Djanibek Khan was the commander of a massive Crimean tatar force, that sieged the port city of Kaffa in 1348. By conducting a somewhat brutal manouver in biological warfare, Djanibek Khan's troops catapulted infected corpses over the city walls. A few infected Genoese traders managed to escape – and introduced the Black Death onto Italian soil. The rest is history.

Ok, let's assume the internet scholars, religious freaks and conspiracy theorists were right for once. Why does the entry point always have to be Italy?

It's almost as if the history of mankind wanted to suggest, that God had some serious bone to pick with the Italians. What have the Italians done in the past, that seems to have compromised the cosmic balance so seriously?

Luigi, you did not by any chance place a slice of pineapple on the pizza, did you?!?

Ever since the Dark Ages, politically motivated monoteistic religions have always blamed normal people for any kind of disasters. The concept of God's mercy is convenient in such a way, that premature death in the hands of any natural disaster would automatically grant an instant VIP-entrance to the delights of afterlife paradise, for a beliver, whereas for a non-believer it most certainly would mean a severe charcoal-grilled punishment in the never-ending flames of hell. In this respect, these so-called Abrahamic religions have not really changed in the last 4000 years. If history can teach us only one thing, it would be: the vast majority of mankind is actually dumb as shit.

So, what can I do?

Not much, except keep avoiding stupid people, as usual, and keep washing my hands as if I had a severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. Yeah, I'll just keep focus on my studies. Whenever I need a break from the depths of mechanical engineering, I'll just check on the news to see the most recent updates in this global shit show. It's funny, when I read about the history of mankind, I can't help but think, that my ancestors must have been of a special kind of stupid in many ways, indulging in a behaviour that was harmful to themselves in the long term. As I watch the stupidity of mankind unfolding right before my very eyes, I feel the occassional urge to book the next flight to Northern Italy and start licking doorknobs in the local supermarkets, relentlessly. Maybe I could wash the sour taste from my mouth with an ice-cold Corona beer, with a slice of lime in it. The path of glory has been well-defined, like aeons ago. The issue has always been how to bring everyone along for the ride. With the general attitude being ”Me first & The Gimmie Gimmies” (the best band name ever, by the way!), we're heading towards the biggest butt-fuck in the history of humanity. Maybe we'd be better off hoarding lubricant, instead of toilet paper?

[hillarykylie]

Can’t stress how important this is.

💕 Your habits, practices, work ethics and daily routine will reveal a lot about you than you think and as most entrepreneurs would say, the route to your success 💕

I don’t have the BEST daily routine myself, but I’ve definitely made significant chances to my productivity and habits over the year which’s helped added value to my life.

Have long-term goals in mind, but start by breaking them down into small, achievable goals.

It’s a lot of effort and hardwork - since it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, but trust that it’s worth the process.

These are things which I have incorporated into my schedule:

• less distractions - less use of social media unless necessary

* turn off notifications / mute conversations temporarily unless crucial.

* stop refreshing your newsfeed for the umpteenth time.

* turn off your active / read statuses

* switch your phone to silent

• Filter who you follow / subscribe to on social media

* unfollow/unsubscribe to accounts/channels who promote constant negativity, hatred and encourage destructive lifestyles and behaviour.

* part of my journey to recovery from ED was to stop following Pro-Anorexia blogs who perpetuate/encourage anorexia. (I’d realised in hindsight how much I was regressing in terms of my mental health because I was constantly getting fed by toxic information)

* fill your following list with accounts/people who radiate positive vibes - mental health recovery channels/accounts - therapist accounts, quotes, or memes! (They make you laugh anyway) study blogs, fitness videos.

• less procrastination - this skill takes a bit of time to master but basically, allocate yourself a strict length of time to rest and recharge.

- I’m still guilty of procrastination now and then but it’s become more infrequent recently.

- of course if you’re drained, take breaks.

- getting your tasks done before doing what you like is a much better and rewarding feeling.

- one thing to combat my emotional procrastination is to set myself about 10-15 minutes to cry or have a breakdown and then get back to work (ik this sounds odd and bizzare, but this works wonders for me everytime lol)

It’s okay to feel defeated, exhausted and drained. Allow yourself to feel and don’t suppress these emotions. But set yourself a reasonable amount of time to let your heart out and cry. And when all that’s done, get back to work.

• if you’re a Student and find yourself struggling to catch up with work, schedule your day.

Be consistent & disciplined with your work.

You don’t always have to be ahead, but you can stay on top of work through consistency and maximum productivity.

Have a plan, set a schedule. I have a whiteboard in my Uni room which I list out all the important things I have to do - whether it’s essays, readings or laundry.

(Trying to get myself to jot down important events as well on my calendar)

* organise your notes, be consistent with your readings, start your preparation early so you wouldn’t have to burn the midnight oil when your deadline/submission is around the corner.

* write down/type the things you have to do and tick it off when you’ve done them

• TIDY YOUR ROOM.

I never realised how having a clean, tidy workspace and bedroom is associated with having a clear, focused headspace.

This is a skill I’ve only picked up recently. Honestly ask anyone who knew me before the age of 18 and they’d tell you how horrid my living conditions were, I was literally living in a pig sty.

My room isn’t the neatest for now but I’ve made it a habit to clean my room thrice a week, do my laundry, wipe my tables, the floor, change my sheets as frequent as I can, throwing trash, keeping my room as immaculately clean, hygienic and nice-smelling as possible.

De-cluttering has become a newfangled technique of mine in destressing.

Add fairy lights, make your room/home feel like a sanctuary you want to come back to after a long day.

• Take baths!! At least once every 2 days

Added the latter because I know it’s unnecessary to be washing your hair everyday especially when it’s winter.

I know a lot of people with depression like me in the past who have difficulty taking showers but personal hygiene affects the way you feel and perceive of yourself.

Notice how you feel so much more reinvigorated after a bath. It cleanses your soul.

• have a skincare routine - this is applicable to both men and women. essentially, take care of your skin.

everyone in our family has stringent facial routines. you don’t have to go to expensive facials to get clear skin.

But make sure you stick to your day and night routines and wash your makeup off (if you wear makeup that is)

As someone who struggled for years with cystic acne and covered it using makeup, I’ve completely stopped using makeup and have only been using ONE skincare brand for 9 months now - which’s completely transformed the vitality of my skin that I no longer suffer from acne or have frequent breakouts.

I added this because I believe the condition of your skin will affect the way you feel and your motivation. For me personally - my struggle with acne really threw my motivation and focus off course.

• READ, educate yourself.

You don’t have to bury yourself in text books or boring literature but find something that sparks your interest and delve deeper into them.

Read about people’s personal experiences, their stories and trajectories.

Thought Catalog, Elite Daily are two of my favourites.

• surround yourself with inspiring individuals who have the same work ethic and drive as you.

• instead of watching trashy shows about useless gossip and hearsay (trust me I’ve been there - binging Love Island), watch documentaries and videos where there’s an underlying educational value.

Ted Talks and podcasts are my pockets of wisdom.

love love Jubilee debates on YouTube as well where people are divided into two groups whose ideals/beliefs vie against each other - they’ve done rly controversial and intriguing debates such as on pro choice vs pro life, body positivity vs fitness and health, religious vs aesthiests, guns vs no gun policy

I especially love psychological documentaries, reality talk shows where substantive tangible issues are discussed and resolved like Dr Phil / Oprah / World’s Strictest Parents

I’m definitely not at where I want and NEED to be at yet, and there’re are still areas of improvement which I’m still trying my best to work on (e.g my punctuality - huge one)

I think a lot of my lateness is due to the fact that I’m always taking forever to pick my outfits and checking myself out in the mirror lmao

I also hope to lay off my incredibly stressful work ethic. I know I said it’s good to be consistent in working hard but my work ethic is pretty severe that it sometimes exacerbates my anxiety.

Instead of procrastinating like what the majority claim to be trapped doing to themselves, I tend to overwork and overstress.

like I’d feel extremely guilty and have panic attacks when I sense that I’m not doing enough work which actually yields perverse consequences.

I’m a workaholic with an Asian work ethic (the Singapore education system has toughened and conditioned all of us to be academically inclined and disciplined so yea this is an intrinsic quality in most of us) so it’s hard to just ‘relax’.

I spent weeks being ill and hospitalised yet I was still able to finish all my readings and submit my essays by the original deadline despite having an extension due to my illness.

[sleepwalkwith-me]

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people

— What was your last…

1. Drink: Coffee

2. Phone call: a friend called me because she took the bus to my house but she didn’t really know where she had to go

3. Text message: i asked a friend what we would give this other friend for his birthday (surprise, we ended on money. how original amirite?!?!)

4. Song you listened to: mystery of love – sufjan stevens (did i cry listening to this??????? maybe)

5. Time you cried: oh. well. listening to mystery of love haha. i saw call me by your name two days ago and idk why but this song just HITS ME LIKE A TRUCK

__ Have you ever…

6. Dated someone twice: i have never actually dated anyone

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah mate no regrats

8. Been cheated on: like i said, have never dated anyone, so no.

9. Lost someone special: yes

10. Been depressed: not really, i haven’t been diagnosed or anything. but sometimes i feel like there’s definitely something up with that brain of mine.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes. 10/10 would not recommend.

— Fave colours

12. black

13. green

14. yellow

— In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: yessss. i started a new study in a new city, so i met loads of new people. i’m lucky enough to call some of them very close friends already :)

16. Fallen out of love: Love?????? no. but this year i got over this big crush (iguess? a bit more than just a crush lol) that kinda dominated my life for a year or two.

17. Laughed until you cried: i don’t even remember what it was about but yesterdayme and my friend marijn were in the weirdest mood where everything was funny as heck

18. Found out someone was talking about you: no not really? i mean people probably do but who cares you know

19. Met someone who changed you: i wouldn’t say completely ‘changed’ me, but one of my new friends from university does make me a more WokeTM person so i think that counts as positive change right?

20. Found out who your friends are: not in a bad way, but i graduated high school this year, so now i realise that i don’t speak to a few of my old friends anymore and that they were just friends because i saw them everyday.

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: yeh.

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: All of them.

23. Do you have any pets: Noooo, i used to have cute lil bunnies but i have been pet-less for about 8 years i think :(

24. Do you want to change your name: nah. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have the dutch ‘ij’ in my name bc it’s had for non-dutch people to pronounce, but that also makes it cool i guess

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i had 2 exams on my birthday haha, so that was my main activity. But afterwards I went out for dinner and drinks with my friends which was very nice <3

26. What time did you wake up today: 6:30 and i DID NOT LIKE IT

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: downstairs, in my house, pouring myself a tea before going to bed. i came home from a symposium at 23:30 so i needed a little chill out time before i could go to bed

28. What is something you can’t wait for: lots of things!!! things that are happening in the near future, like going to the efteling (dutch themepark) with my friends in a few weeks, going out tomorrow, spending this weekend at my sisters house in amsterdam, or going to mallorca with mah gurlz this summer. But also i can’t wait for things like falling in love!! meeting people that will be in your life forever!!! moving to Utrecht!!! 

30. What are you listening to right now: my mom and dad talking about books they are reading, and the radio (radio 4, classical music) is playing in the background

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: weirdly; no??? at first i was like yeah ofc everyone knows someone named tom but then i couldn’t think of anyone???? weird dude.

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: my own stupid ass bc there are a million things i should be doing rn but what am i doing????? filling in this tag bc i’m selfobsessed ha ha lol

33. Most visited website: tumblr or netflix i think

34. Hair colour: Blonde

35. Long or short hair: not like Really Long but it’s over my shoulders so idk

36. Do you have a crush on someone: i’m crushing 24/7 honey, whether it’s on a celebrity, or a cute guy from my class, or even someone that has been even the tiniest bit nice to me haha what’s wrong with me??? idk i love people man

37. What do you like about yourself: i’m always trying to see the good in people, which some people don’t really see as a positive thing and they tell me that it’s gonna get me screwed over or something but idk i think it’s a good thing

38. Want any piercings: atm i have 3 earrings in my left ear, 2 in my right, and also a helix piercing in my right ear. and boiiiiii do i want more! i really like earpiercings but idk which one to get next yet

39. Blood type: don’t know actually. is that weird? is that something i should know? oh well

40. Nicknames: depends on who i’m with, but a few are: karlit, karliño, karlinna, kar(rie), carlos, and heyitscarry (that’s my snapchat, everyone makes fun of me for it lol), 

41. Relationship status: single

42. Sign: ~~*aquarius*~~

43. Pronouns: she/her

44. Fave tv show: it’s usually the one i’m watching at the moment, but a few overall favs are brooklyn nine-nine, new girl, american horror story, teen wolf, queer eye (!!!), jane the virgin, shadowhunters (i know it’s shit but MALEC IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME ALIVE RN), and oh my i could go on. idk, i just really love shows in general; good or ‘bad’, if they make me happy i’m instantly like ‘yup just found my new fav show!!!’

45. Tattoos: sadly, no

46. Right or left handed: righty

47: Ever had surgery: yeah once when i was little, i think i had something with my ear but i don’t even really know

48. Piercings: like i said, just my ears; 3 normal ones on the left, 2 normal ones + a helix on the right

49. Sport: not anymore whoops but i used to dance and do this weird sport called wheel gymnastics. look it up, it’s fun.

50. Vacation: what about it?? uhmmm upcoming ones are a 3 day trip to berlin with this huge student organisation in may, and a week in mallorca with my friends this summer.

51. Trainers: as in.. shoes? like.. sneakers?? idk, don’t own them. i usually wear converse in summer and my fake dr. martins or my heels in winter i guess haha

— More general

52. Eating: rn? nothing, just had dinner tho

53. Drinking: coffeeeee

54. I’m about to watch: the flash, 3x04 

55. Waiting for: my deadlines and exams to be over so i can do nothing without feeling guilty

56. Want: ???? so many things?????

57. Get married: uhmmmmmmmmmmm not yet 

58. Career: well i don’t have one if that’s what you’re asking. but i’m studying sociology so idk i hope to get a job where i can use my sociology-skills

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: both plz 

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Shorter or taller: shorter

62. Older or younger: ?????

63. Nice arms or stomach: arms fuck me the fuck up

64. Hookup or relationships: depends??? 

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: i think a combination of both would be good

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: ya

67. Drank hard liquor: ya

68. Turned someone down: ya

69. Sex on first date: i’m a big ol’ virgin waddup

70: Broken someone’s heart: yes, sadly.

71. Had your heart broken: notreally

72. Been arrested: haha no 

73. Cried when someone died: yes

74. Fallen for a friend: yessssssss 

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: i go from yes! i am that bitch! to hell no who is this and what does she think she’s doing 

76. Miracles: i mean, not in a religious way or anything. but i think it’s a cute way of naming small, nice, alsmost-impossible things that happen 

77. Love at first sight: i think you can definitely FEEL that you are going to click with someone just by looking at them, but love? no.

78. Santa Claus: in the netherlands we have a slightly different holiday that we celebrate (don’t worry, we also have christmas) where there’s also a man that gives you presents and such. i don’t really remember but my mom always tells me that i very quickly didn’t buy the impossible things surrounding this Sinterklaas. i would always ask questions like; but HOW THE FUCK does he get to every child in ONE NIGHT??? (well maybe i didn’t ask it like that but.. you get it)

79. Angels: nah

— Misc

80. Eye colour: blue

81. Best friends name: Kim, vienna, femke, and estelle

82. Favourite movie: i don’t like ‘favourite’ questions bc i cannot choose man. it totally depends on what kind of movie we’re talking about??? like, i love movies like 17again and mean girls and high school musical? but i also loove movies like call me by your name??? and things like harry potter??? WHAT KIND ARE WE TALKING ABOUT

83. Favourite actor: again... favourite?? there are actors that i think are really talented, there are some that i just like as a person, there are some that i like just bc they play this character? the one that came to mind was dylan o’brien, bc i think beside his looks and nice personality he is an amazing actor (stiles! VOIDSTILES! Mitch rapp! Thomas! wauw what a guy)

84. Favourite cartoon: i don’t really watch cartoons i a m so r ry

85. Favourite teacher’s name: Meneer van Leeuwen. He was my philosophy teacher, but he also teaches physics and ANW (algemene natuurwetenschappen, was BESTE OOIT), and he was my mentor (not the right word sorry idk) for this big endproject that you have to do at the end of highschool in the netherlands). he was truly the BESt.

Thank you @foolishly-fond for tagging me! i’m always a slut for filling things in about myself l o l so i enjoyed doing this. 

I don’t really know who i should tag, and 20 people is a LOT so youknow, consider yourself tagged if you feel like doing this :) x

[prosperopedia]

Why I’m Teaching My Kids to Code

I really don’t want any of my children to be coders for a living.

But I’m teaching them to code.

Here’s why.

My Own Software Development Experience

There was a time in my life when I thought I would spend my next thirty or so years employed in a career, from the time I was in college working as an intern up until my ultimate retirement, that involved writing software at first, then managing a team of software developers.

The coding phase of my career ended up being pretty short-lived.

Here’s how it went down.

When I started college at the age of 21 (I served a two-year volunteer mission in Canada right after high school), I had no real skills to speak of. I spent my childhood up through high school playing sports year-round (football, baseball, basketball, wrestling) and goofing off mostly, not worrying much about how I’d provide for myself and a family later.

My experience as a missionary, more than a thousand miles away from home teaching people about a religion that was hard for most of them to grasp, mostly because they didn’t want to, helped me to grow up quickly. When I returned home from my mission (1997), and it became time for me to educate myself, I received a lot of advice from family and college counselors. Much of it focused on the need to “get good at computers” to become employable in the rapidly accelerating technical economy.

I followed their advice. My first class at Snow College, the school I chose mostly with the aim of playing football initially, was an accelerated pre-semester  introduction to computers course. I struggled, but I liked the challenge. I followed that class up by taking three terms learning how to program in C++. At the end of that freshman school year, I realized that I was a horrible coder, and that it wasn’t very natural for me. My code was sloppy. It took me forever to get things to compile, much less to follow the algorithms required to pass off assignments. But I was persistent. I made my way through the three terms with something like a B+ average.

Then I had some experiences that were almost magical for me. I began to notice that my ability to articulate technical topics had lunged forward. Along with the math and engineering classes I took, this computer science and coding regimen was forcing me to be very disciplined about describing how things worked. The responsibility of modeling what happened in real life with functions and variables that I was taught made their way down ultimately to 1’s and 0’s being fed through a complex system that began at hardware components like a motherboard, a central processor, memory devices, communication buses, and several other supporting pieces that came together with an operating system on which interesting software applications could be developed.

In addition to the excitement I had as a rookie in the software development world, I also found out towards the end of that semester from my professor that my newly developed skills were likely sufficient to help me land a summer job that paid more than double what I’d made in previous job making pizzas at Pizza Hut. He threw out the idea that I should be able to land a job making $12+/hour. “Wow!”, I thought, “I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.”

I later landed a job as an intern with a technology company called Vinca (later purchased by Legato Systems) that paid $14.60/hour. One of the developers I worked with told me he was making over $70k annually, and he expected to see increases in his pay as he moved into management roles, ultimately expecting to make in the six figures range. Learning about that potential, I thought for sure I’d found my career path.

Turns out I hadn’t.

Trying to Survive BYU’s Electrical Engineering Program

After I finished my two years at Snow College (neither of which, incidentally, involved playing football), I transferred to BYU in Provo, Utah. The natural progression of my Pre-engineering Science major at Snow College combined with my experience writing software in C++ seemed to me to be majoring in electrical engineering at BYU.

That ended up being a really bad choice.

My first two semesters as a EE major at BYU involved struggling to push my way through 17.5 credit hours of engineering classes that included complicated electronic circuit theory, advanced multi-variable calculus and linear algebra math, writing programs in assembly language code, and a seemingly never-ending half-credit breadboarding lab in which I found myself (as a color blind knucklehead) unable to figure out the difference between resistors that varied by magnitudes of tens of thousands of ohms. It didn’t help that the teacher assistant for that lab couldn’t EVER be bothered to get up from his video game to help a newbie like me.

Combine that workload with a nagging feeling that I should be dating (looking for a potential spouse, which was a strong religious and cultural priority for me) and the twenty or more hours I put into my programming job each week, and it’s easy to see why I experienced burnout. My excitement at becoming the next technical genius haling from BYU turned into a struggle for survival.

Ever Caught a Football Before?

As I’d attempted to hang on my fellow classmates, trying to see if just associating with them while they worked together on their homework in the commons area of the Clyde Building, I repeatedly found myself not really fitting in socially. Almost none of these people knew anything about college football, the Atlanta Braves or Boston Red Sox, or any other thing I considered to be cool. Every time I heard someone say, “You can’t spell gEEk without double E”, (which was pretty much every day) it made me reconsider who I was being expected to become. This technical persona simply didn’t match very well with who I was.

The culminating experience that made me realize I was not a fit culturally for this group of people came one morning in my ECEN 220 Electrical Circuits Analysis class. Our professor would draw up a circuit on the whiteboard, then ask if someone wanted to come and solve the problem on the board, the reward being a prize.

I watched as this goofy kid confidently (I learned that there is a nerd “swagger” that kind of parallels what good athletes manifest) walked up to the board, ran through some calculations for inductance, capacitance, and resistance using partial derivatives and other math, then ultimately arrived at a solution. The professor asked the class for approval of the student’s ultimate solution (a few steps behind what was happening, I was like, “Yah, looks good to me.”), then moved on with the prize portion of the contest.

He pulled out a little BYU-branded football, the kind they give away as promotions during games, and threw it across the room to this student. What happened next was surprising to me. This guy awkwardly lunged at the ball with some of the worst timing and least coordination I’ve ever seen. The ball went off his fingertips and up in the air, towards the second row of students. Not willing to give up (in a non-athletic kind of way this guy was apparently a fighter), he dove awkwardly into the second row of students, still far from being successful at catching it. His persistence made it seem like he thought that not catching the football was make his work null and void.

I remember thinking to myself, “Wow! This guy has never in his life had a ball thrown in his direction before. Unbelievable!”

It was then that I began to seriously question what I was doing planning a career that would put me right in the middle of that crowd of people, most of whom simply had a much different take on what was fun and interesting in life than I had.

Shortly thereafter my ambitions to become a software developing electrical engineer ended. I remember receiving a test score back from the first major mid-term test from that electronics circuit theory class. I knew I hadn’t prepared well for the test, but I didn’t expect the humiliation that naturally came when I was handed back a test paper that had more correction marks on it than my initial incoherent chicken scratch attempts to solve the problems on the test. My test score: 39%/F-. I immediately got up from my seat and wandered over to the counselor office to discuss how to transfer out of that major.

After ultimately deciding to leave electrical engineering, I went through a list of other degrees I could achieve to satisfy what I thought at the time were my family’s, potential employers’, and society’s unwavering expectations about education. That list included everything from sports coaching to math to a simple online general studies degree. Ultimately I ended up graduating with a BS degree in Manufacturing Engineering Technology with a minor in Business Management. Obtaining that degree took more time and effort than I would have liked, and I ended up having to negotiate my last 30 or so required credit hours with the department heads, convincing them on my third time trying to substitute some engineering classes I took at Snow College for the civil engineering classes I’d missed from BYU.

My last experience writing code full-time was a job I held as the lead developer for a text messaging application startup called Communitect (now Solution Reach). I wrote a significant chunk of the company’s initial codebase in Java in 2001, before calling it quits to ultimately move into the world of entrepreneurship, where I’ve been ever since.

Writing Code Isn’t For Everyone

My experience attempting to become a coder certainly wasn’t a write-off. If I had any reason to think that it was, I wouldn’t be teaching my kids how to do programming.

One thing I have learned from that experience is this: while software development can be a lucrative career, writing code (and similar technical disciplines) certainly isn’t for everyone. In fact, based on my experience as a developer and working with software developers since that time in various roles, I can see that there is a very distinct personality required to be successful at software development.

Much of this I’m going to be speaking in terms of stereotypes, but this description of the typical software developer is not without some data and experience backing it. Many people refer to the software developer personality as INTJ (Introvert – Intuitive Thinking – Judgment) using the Meyers-Briggs personality scale. The brains of software developers typically work quite a bit different from the rest of society. They are typically chronic problem solvers, a strength that allows them to develop complicated software to follow algorithms and solve complex problems, but that also reduces their abilities and inclinations towards other things, like interacting with people in what would be considered by most of society as “normal” or healthy environments, or doing other socially involved or physically demanding activities, like playing sports.

While some part of my personality craves the problem solving elements of being a software developer, that attribute takes a back seat to my natural tendency to want to interact often with people while not looking at a computer screen and my lifelong pursuit of sports and athletic involvement. From my experience, the persona of an athlete or someone who’s heavily involved in sports doesn’t much overlap with the persona of someone who spends his entire day writing and troubleshooting code.

As I guide my kids through the process of discovering who and what they want to become, I am fairly convinced already that spending their full-time careers interacting being fully involved in the community that comprises coders and related professionals won’t be nearly as fulfilling for them as lots of other alternatives.

Speaking about the social implications, I certainly don’t want my kids ever playing networked video games all night long, living in my basement, unmarried, and unmotivated to be more involved in real life social activities. Nor do I want them to think that because they can think faster and solve an algorithm more quickly than most of their peers that they can’t listen to feedback or feel like they know everything there is to know. I especially don’t want them inclined to reason away their belief in God because faith becomes something irrational for them. Coders have done a lot to earn each of those stereotypes.

But I do want them to have a grasp of the fundamentals of software development.

How Learning to Code Helps Non-Coders

When I entered college more than two decades ago, my skill set consisted mostly of tackling people, hitting, catching, and throwing baseballs, and some sweet hip hop dance moves. As I mentioned, I quickly figured out that those “skills” wouldn’t cut it when it came to making money and supporting a family.

Fortunately for me, rather than having my first few semesters of college be filled with soft classes like English (the language I already spoke), history, etc. I found myself learning computer science along with civil, mechanical, and electrical engineering and math topics. That experience completely transformed the way I think.

I learned how to be precise as opposed to being sloppy in the way I described things. In my associations with up-and-coming coders (many of whom wondered why I even bothered to take the classes they were taking), I learned how to become very observant of how things worked as we did our best to model real life things using a programming language. I became much more perceptive of cause and effect relationships. I also became much more of a critical thinker. In fact, my brain was transformed (of necessity) to be able to a find missing semicolon among hundreds of lines of code, which now allows me to find misspellings in a 1,000+ word document within a few seconds of seeing the text.

In summary, learning how to code forces a person’s mind to think a lot like the way a computer thinks, which turns out to be pretty helpful in the 21st Century economy.

The majority of high-paying professions in our current economy require a person to have a solid background in technology. They must understand more about context when it comes to using spreadsheets, understanding how apps work, knowing the ins and outs of the relationship between software and the hardware that makes use of it. Not only that, the most successful need to be armed with the ability to not just regurgitate information (just about the only thing our public schools tend to teach these days), but to figure out new things using their intelligence.

The process of learning to code tends to instill that kind of intelligence among those who have been exposed to the discipline.

With the prevalence of software-related careers, it’s true that there is a higher percentage of software developers who are breaking the traditional mold of the 1980s software geek. In my own career, I’ve seen how a background in software development has uncovered steps for me as an ecommerce business owner to climb to be more successful in my career. I’ve seen how understanding how software is written has given me a better approach to teach Google’s search engine how to send traffic to my websites and how to extract traffic to my Amazon stores from the Amazon search algorithm. The learning process that led to me knowing how to code has been a blessing for me financially, mentally, and even socially in many ways.

I don’t want to code all day long. But I’ve found a pretty good balance for myself between knowing the basics of software development and even understanding how to write software and being able to operate businesses that make use of software written by other people.

I want the same thing for my kids.

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