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ketso · 2 years

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Episode 35

“Honestly, I’m tired of these weddings. Maybe my body is no longer allowing me to party and celebrate overtime. I’m about to be a gogo”, I say.

Khotso looks at me. He laughs. I laugh.

“In Mpumalanga? But I must say, I’m happy for Ntuthuko and his crèche of children. He needs to relax”, I say.

“Yeah. Pope is happy too. At least now all he has to worry about it Akwande”, Khotso says to me.

“And Luhle”, I say.

“Ey… Luhle neh…” him.

“But she’s in Mtubatuba now neh, being straightened out by the grannies?”

“Yeah.”

“Apparently, they are quite hectic. Wandi was telling him ukuthi bamukotizisa”, I say.

“These kids don’t get enough training. Old people are good for them. And Luhle… ai...”

We are just chilling by our fireplace, chatting away. It’s 11pm. The kiddies are fast asleep. I’m enjoying a glass of wine and he’s enjoying a bottle of beer. He’s even rubbing my feet. It’s raining and it’s cold. Winter is kicking in.

“Baby”, he calls out to me.

“Hmmm?” Me.

“If I wanted to officially make you my wife, how would I go about it? Who in your family would I contact?” He asks me.

“No one. I don’t have any family. My family is Wandi, Rena, Moloko and you. Anyone else is dead to me.”

“Phuthi -

“I’m not having this conversation with you, Khotso!” I snap at him.

He looks at me.

“Sorry. I just… I don’t have family.”

“Phuthi, I have to pay lobola somewhere”

“My mom is dead. I don’t know where her sisters are. Her brother –

I pause.

He looks at me.

“He started raping me since I was twelve.”

He is unbelievably shocked.

“His wife said I was lying because I wanted her man. My aunts said I was lying, and I should never talk about it with anyone. My mom would just make me wash the smell off. She said I shouldn’t stop scrubbing myself until I wash the experience off. When I was sixteen, he dragged me to someone else’s house, then three of his friends and him raped me… taking turns with my little body until I couldn’t walk. Then they took me to a hospital and told the nurses that I had been picked off the streets. That’s how I ran away and ended up being a criminal. My whole family sat there and supported him when I opened a case against him. They all said that I lied and that my uncle would never do something like that. My family was poor, but they managed to find money to pay people off to make the case go away. Those people are dead to me.”

He’s still staring at me.

“When I was locked up, Wandi got raped. She told me it was her friend’s father that did it. Repeatedly. That’s the guy I ordered a hit on. Nathi didn’t care. His wife was apparently too hurt to raise my child and keep her away from a trauma like that. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive those two. My baby girl… and she was under my mother’s and family’s care. They couldn’t even protect her from rape. So babe, I have dreams about killing my family… not giving them money or begging them to help me become a wife.”

I gulp my wine to hold back my tears.

I pour myself another glass.

He kisses my feet. He pulls me into a hug. I cry on his chest.

“They touched my child, Khotso. Those people let that happen. Please don’t ask me to go back to those people. Please. I’d rather be your girlfriend forever. You know that I love you. As long as you know that, I’m good. We are married in my heart.” I say.

He kisses the top of my head and holds me tighter.

I’m waking up at 2am. We are both passed out on the couch. He’s even snoring. I get up from his chest. He wakes up.

“Hey”, him.

“Hey. We need to get to bed. Doesn’t your back hurt?” I ask him.

He giggles and says, “My back is fine. My chest is struggling from the big head that was on it.”

I give him a soft punch. He laughs. I chuckle too.

“I’m happy to see that smile again. You are too beautiful to not be happy all the time”, he says.

I smile at him.

“I’ll try to find those motherfuckers. Then when I find them, you honour your ancestors, and we kill those shitbirds”, I say.

He first giggles and says, “At least let them buy some bread with whatever they ask us for… then I’ll help you make them rest in peace.”

“I really wish I didn’t have to see them again. You know… I hate the Buthelezis neh, but I’m so glad that they are Wandi’s family, and they dealt with her lobola stuff. I wish I at least had one decent side of the family. I don’t even know my dad’s side of the family. I know where he lived before I went to prison. But I don’t know if he’s still alive or if he even deserves to be part of this… he left us when I was five… for a younger bitch.”

“He sounds like the lesser evil that you are prepared to deal with. Plus, he’s the one I should ask for your hand in marriage. We deal with him for a day, and we are done. You and I can get married with absolutely nothing to worry about as far as bad luck is concerned.”

I take a deep breath.

He holds my hand… then he says, “you and me… our family… we are worth it.”

an eh…

6:45am

I’ve been calling the kids down to have breakfast. Only Moloko comes down dressed up. Rena is still in her pyjamas. Hai bo! Khotso and I look at each other. Rena doesn’t look okay.

“And then? Are you okay, baby?” I ask her.

“She’s been vomiting all morning.” Moloko tells me.

“What’s wrong? Do you have a bug or something?” I ask Rena.

“My red friend is visiting. She’s really bad this month. I don’t usually get this sick or have these much pains. I don’t know what’s wrong with me this time.” She tells me.

Both Khotso and Moloko are confused.

“Red friend?” Moloko.

I just hug Rena and tell her that she will be okay. That’s completely normal. Sometimes, it is that bad. But to be sure, we will go to the doctor and make sure you are good. Then you and I will spend the day in front of the TV and under some blankets, eating junk and watching movies.” I say.

She smiles at me.

“How about you take a quick shower then we can get going. Dad will take Moloko to school today”, me.

“Perfect”, she says then heads upstairs.

“And you honey-bun, get your school bag please so you can get out of here”. I tell Moloko.

“Okay”, he says then heads upstairs.

Now it’s just Khotso and me.

“Red friend?” He asks me.

“Period.” Me.

“Oh shit. Yeah, I’m out of here with my little boy.” He says.

“She doesn’t have a disease, baby.” I say.

“I know… it’s just… what will you do about work?” He asks me.

“I’ll work late from home. The babies come first.” I say.

He gets up and walks to where I am.

He feels me up then he kisses me.

“You are the best.” He says, kissing me again.

“What’s your day looking like today?” I ask him.

“I’ll be in the office now in the morning, then Maboko, Zithulele and I are headed to South Africa for some meetings with Thabi about the reformation of that church. Then Wandi and I are having a late lunch together. I should be back for dinner.”

I smile at him.

“She did tell me about the lunch. Look at you, mkhulu.” I say.

He laughs and says, “I’m a hot one, aren’t I?”

“Ten out of ten.” I say.

We kiss then we laugh.

In no time, he’s leaving with Moloko and I’m leaving with Rena. She really looks unwell hey. I really hope that’s it’s just normal period stuff nje.

“Mah”, she begins as we drive.

Yeah, she calls me mom now. Both her and Moloko.

“Yes baby?” Me.

“I started taking contraceptives”, she says.

“Hawu Rena… why?”

She takes a deep breath.

“Baby girl, you can talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I am seeing someone. And I kinda had sex with him.” She says.

Yoh!

I don’t know how to handle this one. I really don’t. Also, that boy probably has a death wish. Does he know Khotso Mohale?

“When did you start having sex, baby girl?”

“You are not angry?”

“I’m disappointed, but I’m glad that you came to me. We do need to have this conversation because I need to be reassured that you are safe… not getting sick and not getting pregnant. What are we going to tell your dad if anything happens to you?”

She takes a deep breath.

“So? When did this start?” I ask again.

“We met like two years ago. But he travels a lot, so we couldn’t really start anything.”

This does not sound like a boy his age. But let me let her finish her story before I start asking questions.

“But he calls every day. Even then… he called every day. He gets me. I’m not princess Rena when I’m with him. I can just be a person and he loves me just as I am.”

Love?!

Isn’t Rena seventeen?!

I’m so confused.

“He finally moved to the kingdom permanently last year and we decided to make things official. I really love him.”

“Rena, this boy doesn’t sound like he’s a student.” I say.

“He isn’t.”

“Okay, so who is he?”

“His name is Tumelo… Tumelo Mothipa.”

Mothipa? Where do I know this name from?

“He is from Dithabeng. His father is a chief in Dithabeng. He currently has two wives.” She says.

Yoh, this child!

What the hell am I supposed to say to Khotso?!

“He’s waiting for me to matriculate, then I’m going to be his third wife.” She says.

Yeses!

I’m actually just silent and I just drive. After all of that, what am I supposed to say? Also, where’s the line that I’m not supposed to cross? I’m her mother, yes, but I didn’t birth her. And Rena will probably tell me that the minute I cross a line.

…

We are driving back home from the doctor. She’s fine. I also had her tested for STDs because this guy has more than one wife he’s sleeping with - then there’s Rena the royal mistress. Yaz, I’m still at a loss for words. I don’t know what to do with this information or with her. I feel like God is making me pay for all the years that I missed out on a hectic teenage daughter. She’s also quiet. I can tell that she wants this conversation to continue, but my brain is still processing all of this.

But I’m curious…

“So where do you guys meet up and spend time together? He has two wives, so I’m assuming he has two houses that he’s already paying for. You’ve never slept out, so I’m ruling out the booking of hotels and weekend getaways. Where do you spend time together?” I ask her.

“He has an apartment. It’s an apartment that he’s wives don’t know about and thus don’t go to. It’s our love nest.” She says.

Heh! Weh ntombi! Siyazibona kuleli likaMthaniya!

“Rena, do you know what you are doing, nana? Why are you doing this? Why are you being this irresponsible? There are wives in his life that will be affected by this.” I say.

“Well, isn’t it normal? Papa-Ona does it all the time. He leaves his wives at home and gallivants with women who are young enough to be my friends, sleeping with them and maybe marrying them if he loves them or if they get pregnant. Even my dad lived his best life with women out there while he left Remo-his-wife at home. I thought this is normal and acceptable. I’m not doing anything wrong, mama.”

“But look at what that did to the women. Remo left. And from what I understand, she was crazy by the time that she left. Look at Thabi… there’s nothing normal about how she moves or operates. Rena, come on. And how will you feel when you are his wife and he starts seeing other people or marrying more people?”

Maybe yaz, I’m just the one who doesn’t support isithembu. Maybe if she had this conversation with someone who gets it, it would be different.

“I’m going to be his last wife.” She says.

Okay… delusional too.

“You can’t control that, Rena.” I say.

“I can. I’m a princess. I’m above all his wives, him and his father. That means, regardless of me being his third and young wife, I’m going to be his principal wife. If I don’t approve of him marrying again, he won’t. I know the laws. I’ve studied them.”

“That won’t stop him from having more girlfriends.” I say.

“I grew up in the church. I know how to get rid of people.”

Yaz, I really think that we underestimate how our lifestyle impacts our kids… especially this one. She’s so…

“Rena, you can’t play god in people’s lives. That’s not what the church is about. Yes, we break laws and there are some necessary evils that we have to perform to get shit done, but it has never been for selfish reasons. Your grandfather, Mohato Mohale, started this church as a way to serve his country. He wanted human rights to mean something to the citizens of Tholoana Kingdom. He wanted citizenship to not only belong to the rich, but to be accessible to everyone regardless of their financial standing. People around him went to school and advised him about social grants, better living conditions, an excellent education system and world class care for the ill, the elderly and those in danger. People had brilliant ideologies about a country that had top security and a people that could compete on world stages. But no one spoke about how all of that would be funded. He put himself, his family and people close to him on the line… sacrificing their rights to access citizenship, so that the greater country could have it. He started the church to fund the ideology of what Tholoana Kingdom could be, and you know what… Tholoana Kingdom is the only African country that is the closest to what any constitution requires a country to be. Hell, we are doing better than some European countries. His kids didn’t see the door of a university… they helped him to let others see it instead. He paid for the consequences of what he started as a leader that no one will ever see again. And the ongoing consequences of that is having grandchildren such as yourself thinking that has made you god in people’s lives… not for a greater purpose, but for you to serve your own wants. Do you ever think about what your dad will do if he finds out about this? We both know that wives will be without a husband and children will grow up without a father. You know that you have the power to disrupt life for those people, and you don’t care. You are willingly participating in that, fuelling that possibility knowing you have nothing to lose. Rena, this cannot be you, my baby. It cannot.”

She’s quiet.

I hear her sobbing.

Then she says, “but mama, I love him. If I let him go, how do I know that I’ll ever meet someone who loves me and gets me like he does?”

“I can’t promise you that, Rena. I cannot. And I don’t want you to give up on love because love is a beautiful thing. I just want you to be responsible and conscious of your actions and what could become of them. I love you. I’ll always side with you and I’ll always do my best to protect you until my eyes close for the last time on this earth. But baby, that’s not going to stop me from telling you when you are wrong. I’m sure you love him. And I’m sure he loves you too. But this is bigger than both of you. Loving him is loving his kids… and do you want them to be robbed of a dad? Especially when you grew up with one and have seen what a father can do in your life? Things that a mother cannot do. Rena, some people will never know the love of a father because not every man is willingly putting out their love for their kids. These kids have a dad that is present and that loves them. How will you feel if you take that away from them?”

She’s sobbing.

Then she says, “if I promise to end things with him… or not come between him and his family –

“Rena, you’ve already come between him and his family. The only way to make it right is to end it with him.”

She takes a deep breath…

Then she says, “I know you have to tell dad. But, if I promise to end things with him, please stop him from killing him. Please.”

I just look at her.

I’m worried. This I must say.

…

We are flying back to the kingdom right now. Pope, Fifi and Akwande are flying with us. They were in South Africa to resolve some stuff for Ntuthuko. So now they are headed back home. They heard that we are around using the private plane, so they joined us on our way back home.

Pope has just asked Ona, Maboko, Zithulele and I to be his negotiators for Ntuthuko’s lobola to Tamia. Didn’t these people just meet?!

“How much is he willing to pay for her, Mashimane?” Zithulele asks.

“Ey, Qwabe… the thing is… Ntuthuko has four kids and Tamia has none. She will be inheriting four kids to raise before she’s even birthed her own. Bazosibulala lapho kakhulu.” Pope says.

Yeah, he’s in shit.

“Kodwa Ntuthuko didn’t kidnap her”, Zithulele.

“And she loves him. She will advocate for him on our behalf before we even get there.” Fifi says. She’s so naive shame.

“That’s not how it works, love. Besides, that will only make things worse. She mustn’t have any conversations with her parents about this. They’ll interpret it as us disrespecting them.” Pope.

“Mara le bona! They must be reasonable”. Fifi.

“Being reasonable is subjective though. If Ruri told me she was marrying someone with four kids, my first reaction would be hell no. Then me being reasonable would be a business plus cows plus cash.” Maboko says.

“Haaaaa!” Fifi says.

“Heh! I can tell that you’ve only had boys. Wait till Luhle gets married. Pope over here… he will not be nice.” Maboko.

Pope suddenly gets tense. Just the thought makes him tense. We all laugh at him. He lets a smile escape.

“On top of inheriting four kids, Tamia is a businesswoman and a lawyer. Re tlo bona masepa, mo.” Ona.

“Ja, Ntuthuko decided to be brave. You know, I always thought he’d take someone from the village. All his baby-mamas are village girls. Why couldn’t he marry one of them? He had to go for Mave’s daughter.” Pope.

“Mave Khumalo?” Me.

Pope nods his head.

“Yerrrr!” Me.

“Re tlo bona sebunu!” Ona.

“Mashimane, what are we prepared to part with?” Zithulele.

“Ntuthuko will buy ten walking cows and have R150 000 cash prepared.” Mashimane.

“Yoh! Umakoti obiza kangaka?!” Zithulele is so stingy when it comes to paying lobola. It’s actually funny. I wish he had girls so another family could do that to him.

“It is a bit much, Shaka. Ntuthuko is not kidnapping Tamia or forcing her into this.” Fifi.

Zithulele and Fifi are so stingy. Why?! It’s not like the Maphumulos don’t have this kind of money.

“Knowing Mave, he will want in on a business or two.” Maboko highlights.

That man… we could actually give him a business as the full lobola, and he will let us have his daughter.

“True. Plus, Tamia is his only daughter.” I say.

“On top of ten walking cows and R150 000, he will want a business? Udayis’ ingane yini?! Uyabhosha phela manje.” Zithulele.

I actually cannot stop laughing at this guy’s frustration.

“Give him a tender.” I suggest.

“Tender?” Pope.

“Yeah. He co-owns a sustainable energy business with his daughter. With the school that Thabi is building in South Africa from that church, plus the community that we are about to install electricity in - the malls included - we could give him that business. It will be a win for him… but it will also be a win for us because Tamia will probably have to come and oversee the project in Tholoana Kingdom, and thus strategically end up living here as opposed to Ntuthuko living in South Africa. We will require Tamia to move and they’ll probably move the R150 000 to R200 000 for that. But if we make them to make that decision for the benefit of their business, we don’t pay for it.” I say.

“That’s a brilliant idea.” Pope.

“Eh baba, siyokhokha laphaya… and not a small price. If we tell Tamia to live in clothes zasemakhaya and cook only using amalahle, that’s exactly what she will do. The last thing that she will be doing is dictating to us where Ntuthuko will be staying.” Zithulele.

“I just thought that I’d point out that she has all four baby-mamas on their knees. I doubt that in her eyes, you are a mountain. If you are one, you can most certainly be moved”, Akwande says to Zithulele.

We all look at him, then at Zithulele… then we all crack up.

“So pope, are you planning to pay damages for the kids now that Ntuthuko and Tamia are taking over with raising them?” I ask.

He laughs and says, “Ntuthuko and Tamia are doing that and… they are getting full custody of the kids. Tamia will also be legally adopting them so the mothers cannot - under any circumstances - take them away from Tamia.”

“Yoh!” We all react.

“How brave is Ntuthuko?! Ufunani with a lawyer?” Zithulele.

“What do you think about that?” Maboko asks pope.

“All I know is that I only met my grandchildren for the first time now that Tamia is in their lives. Their mothers have spent more than mountains of my money and Ntuthuko’s money, but they’ve never brought those kids around for ice-cream at my house. I also know that Ntuthuko never had a relationship with these kids. He barely knew them and they barely knew him. But their mothers had a committed relationship with his money… to a point where the minute the money was taken away, they dumped the kids on Tamia. And to show that even they know that they are wrong, they didn’t go to maintenance court. Tamia is making sure that relationships are built… that Ntuthuko is involved and understands the role of a father. Those kids are so safe with her… stable even. I usually don’t support a child being separated from its mother… but I’m beginning to wonder if a mother is only the woman that gave birth to a child.”

Deep!

“Mashimane, R150 000 plus ten cows plus tenders is a lot… even for a woman that walks on water. With a tender, siyaphula kulez’inkomo nalemali. Five walking cows and nothing more than R100 000.” Zithulele.

“If you can negotiate along those lines, I’m not going to complain.” Pope.

“In Zithulele we trust!” Fifi.

We all actually laugh.

I get home just after 8pm.

Phuthi and Rena are washing the dishes together. It’s actually beautiful to see Rena like this - disciplined and just being a child. Moloko is reading to them. It’s his reading homework.

“Dumelang”, I greet them.

“Hey dad”, Moloko says, coming to give me a hug and a fist-pump.

“Hello papa”, Rena says, hugging me.

“Hello baby”, Phuthi says, giving me a kiss.

She stops doing the dishes then she prepares my plate for me to eat.

“Rena, this is your parcel from Wandi. And Moloko, this is your parcel from Senzi,” I say giving them gifts that Wandi and Senzi gave me. I had strict instructions to not open these, so I didn’t.

Rena and Moloko are super excited.

They open their gifts. Rena got an Apple monitor. She screams, chanting that Wandi is the best and she’s headed upstairs to set up then FaceTime her.

Moloko got an Apple MacBook Pro. I didn’t even know that these kids needed these gadgets. They normally just ask or use their own bank cards to swipe for stuff they need. Or maybe I’ve missed out on something.

“Senzi said that they’d come for my play at school.” Moloko tells me.

“Yeah, they did say that they’d be driving back with us after Ntuthuko’s and Tamia’s wedding.” I say.

“Yes!” Moloko says.

I’m busy helping Moloko set up his MacBook while I eat my supper. Phuthi is cleaning up in the kitchen. When we are done setting up and I’m done eating, Phuthi tells Moloko to call Rena then he only has thirty minutes of MacBook screen time… she will come and check.

Moloko excitedly agrees then heads upstairs.

As Rena climbs down the stairs, stealing looks at Phuthi and Phuthi stealing looks at her, I can just tell that they are about to lay a bomb on me. As long as she’s not pregnant, I can take just about anything.

The three of us are now seated at the dining table. I’m at the head of the table. Phuthi sits on my immediate left. Rena sits on my right, with two chairs between us. I look at Phuthi. I look at Rena.

“Papa, there’s something that I need to tell you.” Rena starts.

Lord, please don’t let her be pregnant. Please.

“Okay…” me.

She looks at Phuthi. Phuthi is staring right back at her. It can’t be that bad. I mean… they were washing dishes together when I walked in here.

“I’m seeing someone.” Rena.

Why am I being roped into girl talk? I don’t need to know this.

“And it’s serious.” Rena.

“How serious?” Phuthi.

She’s not getting married, is she?

“He wants us to get married after I turn eighteen.” Rena.

“Get married with what? Isn’t he eighteen himself?” Me.

Rena clears her throat then says, “He’s actually got two wives and three kids. I’d be his third wife.”

This is a joke.

Right?!

I actually stare at her. I feel my hands shaking already. Rena looks at Phuthi. Phuthi looks at Rena. These looks are having me feel a type of way.

“But, I’ll end things with him. Mom made me realise that it’s for the best. It’s just that… I love him. And he loves me… and –

“Voetsek wena! Voetsek!” I find myself saying to her. I’ve never swore at my children before, but this rubbish that I’m listening to right now… kak, I tell you!

“Who is this motherfucker?!” I ask.

Now she’s scared.

“KE MANG?!” I snap.

“Papa, please don’t do anything to him.” She begs me with tears in her eyes.

I stand up and charge towards her. I’m actually going to give this child the beating that Thabi has been saying that I should give her all these years. Phuthi has jumped over the table and jumped into my arms to prevent me from hitting Rena.

“Rena, go upstairs.” Phuthi says.

“She’s not going anywhere! She’s a woman, akere! She has sex with married people now and she can say shit like she’s going to be people’s third wives. She must answer for her shit!” I’m trying to put Phuthi down so my hands can work on Rena, but she’s not letting go.

“YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HIT MY CHILD, KHOTSO! RENA, GO UPSTAIRS!” For a moment there, I heard Lulu’s voice and her face flashed before my eyes. It’s like Phuthi has transformed into her right this minute. I’m not sure what’s happening to me.

Rena and I stare at each other as she slowly heads upstairs with tears in her eyes. We both know that our relationship has changed… forever.

“Hlala phansi, Khotso. Siding’ ukukhuluma”, Phuthi says to me.

I watch Rena disappear from the stairs, then I sit down.

She sits down.

She takes a deep breath.

I look at her.

“This thing is deeper than Rena just dating”, she says. I’m not sure what she means.

“Rena was talking about how her behaviour is normal because you and Ona have never had issues with leaving wives at home and having girlfriends all over the place. Clearly, she’s been observing this behaviour from the adults around her.”

“So, she’s being this way because Ona and I were –

I can’t even finish my sentence.

“That’s one part of it. The second part is that she believes that when this guy marries her, she will be above the guy and his wives, meaning that she will not allow him to take on more wives, and as far as girlfriends are concerned, she will make them disappear… she knows how to do that because she grew up in the church.”

The fuck?!

Phuthi sees the shock and confusion on my face.

“Khotso, I think we are missing out on the impact that the church has on these kids. I mean… the last time we had to go into hiding, she told Wandi that our lives are only good for a bit… for the most times, we are dodging bullets and burying people that we love. She said we just need to make sure that we are not the ones being buried or arrested.” She says.

Rena?!

I just thought that she was an angry child all her life. But she’s just internalising being a criminal.

“Baby, maybe we need to start having a conversation about what we want for these kids. Will we see the end of the church?! Or are we raising the next generation of church leaders that will be more ruthless than the generations before them? Without even understanding why the church started? I had to tell her why your father started this organisation. And she was slapped by a reality that she had no idea about. We run with them. We expose them to the world’s greatest danger, and we don’t care to explain why… we let them internalise it and hope that they become untainted people. For all we know, Rena went to that guy of hers running away from all of this.”

I actually start crying.

She gets up and she sits on top of me.

She pulls my head to her chest. She holds me and I just cry.

But I do want to know who this motherfucker is.

“Who is he?” I ask her.

“I’ll tell you. But promise me that you won’t touch him. Rena promised me that she’d end things with him.”

“Phuthi, ke mang?”

“Baby, promise me.”

Why is she making me make such promises? I don’t want to make such promises because I’ll promise her now, then I see that motherfucker… start imaging him having sex with my daughter… then I’ll murder him.

“Fine. I promise.” I say.

“Tumelo Mothipa.”

“What the fuck?!”

She holds me.

“What are we going to do?” I ask her.

“I think it’s time we had a serious conversation with these kids about the church and what we are expecting from them. But I guess we need to figure out what we are expecting from them so we can communicate it clearly. I’ll invite Wandi over as well. She’s bound to find out what’s going on and I’d rather she hears it from us. Rena has already told her a mouthful and she’s asking questions. I don’t want issues with pope and maybe he hasn’t decided if he’s going to tell Senzi. But if Wandi knows… Senzi knows. So, we get the Maphumulos, we get Ona and his family, we get our family, and we tell all our kids everything. We answer their questions. We prepare to be hated for a few weeks or months, but we deal with it. Rather that than watching them spiral out of control thanks to our behaviour and us not realising the impact of our behaviour.”

I just kiss her through my tears. I didn’t realise how much I’ve needed her my whole life.

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buckyownsmylife · 3 years

Text

I’ve Told You Now - Bucky Barnes smut

The one where alpha!Bucky fucks you in front of the other avengers

Warnings: smut, a/b/o dynamics, public sex, oral (f), p in v, possessiveness

Word count: 2.3k

A/N: Thank you to my lovely @wakingbeauty for giving this a read for me! This is strictly the product of mine and @navybrat817‘s belief that public sex should be more common in A/B/O dynamics, so there you have it 😊 Also, I used a prompt the sweet @jbreenr gave me ages ago for a headcanon and I asked to save it for this story since it made such perfect sense! Hope you guys like it! I might write more public sex A/B/O smut in the very near future!

Bucky’s P.O.V.

Everyday was the same. I’d wake up and join the rest of the team for breakfast to find out that despite the fact that someone had saved me a seat, that same someone had thought of a new joke to make at my expense.

If I thought Tony’s nicknames were bad, this was a whole new level. It’s like she wanted to find all the little ways to annoy me, while still remaining mindful of my recovery process and triggers.

I’d never met an omega like that before. Back in my time, omegas were mostly prim and proper, almost shy around alphas, even if they were starting to show a little more skin and entertain the possibility of staying closer to us for longer periods of time.

I wasn’t used to someone who felt so comfortable with my intimidating aura, and the alpha in me definitely couldn’t grow used to seeing so much of her skin all the time. By now, I was sure she was doing it on purpose.

She knew how it affected me, she could smell it - every omega was able to identify when a nearby alpha was aroused. And I knew it turned her on in return. I was also biologically wired to sense that.

It was basically a game of who would break first. And I knew she thought she would win, but my resolve still wasn’t broken.

“Ah… What a lovely day. So full of possibilities… if you’re not a hundred years old,” she quickly added, throwing me a glance that had me rolling my eyes. “What do you say, grandpa? Feel like going out for a run?”

Who knows what I would have answered if she hadn’t decided to pull her hair up right at the second Wanda opened the window to look out into the field? The smile that had been on my face quickly dropped when I was hit with a heavy wave of her scent and my knees buckled as I tried to hold myself back from just jumping on top of her.

Unfortunately, because awareness was not something she seemed capable of having, she did not realize my struggle. “What’s wrong, old man? Can’t even keep up anymore?” The growl that escaped my chest at her joke was all the warning she needed to finally understand what was going on.

“I’ll show you what I can keep up.” I was on her in a second, my consciousness of our surroundings reduced to absolutely nothing. It was only her and me, and the way our lips moved as I guided her back to the couch, until we both fell on top of it.

“Is this what you wanted, huh?” I asked as I tore her shirt with a simple flick of my wrist. “Is this how you wanted it to happen? For me to lose all control and just take you right here?” All that left her was a garbled sound, her hands clawing at my back as I easily got rid of her jeans until they were nothing but scraps on the floor and then exposed her pussy to the tower’s living room.

“Fuck yes,” I growled, immediately leaning down to get a taste of her. Sweet and wet and mine, all mine. I had no idea where that possessive instinct had come from, but I would be crazy to ignore it - especially since it felt like I’d kill and die for her at that very second.

Her hips jerked up, instinctively searching for my tongue, but a breeze of clarity seemed to brush over her and make her sit up on her elbows, looking down at me. I knew what was running through her mind before she said it, and I wasn’t having any of it.

“You better lay back down and let me savor my meal,” I warned, knowing the rest of the team had gathered around to watch the show. I didn’t have to take my eyes off her debauched state to know it, but her gaze was on them, even if the rest of her body was still spread open for anyone to see, uncaring of the fact that we were being watched.

“You poked the beast, now you’ll entertain it,” Steve warned, shaking his head as if to scold us, but when I met his eyes, I could see the glint of desire in them. He wanted to be in my position, he wanted to have his own tongue shoved deep inside my girl’s pussy, and it only made me eat her more hungrily.

“Eyes on me, ‘mega,” I called out to her once I saw her eyes linger on Steve. “Let them watch, that’ll keep them away from you.” She groaned at the possessiveness in my words, but it was the sounds of someone who was relishing in it. And I was relishing in her juices.

“Fuck!” She cursed when I buried my tongue as far as it could go in her, something deep inside of me desperate to be drowning in her scent. “Should have gotten you mad before.”

The thought was amusing to me. Did she really think this was only the result of pent-up anger, and not months of desire and lust that had finally spilled from my weakened resolve?

“Well…” I started, pushing two fingers inside of her to scissor her open for me, although my scent had already made her body as prepared for an Alpha an Omega could get.

I was a bit larger than usual Alphas, though - courtesy of the serum - so I wanted to make sure she wouldn’t go through any pain whatsoever. “You keep me mad all the fucking time, kitten.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“With desire or anger, it doesn’t really care,” he continued, like it was any ordinary day and we were chatting in the living room, our usual teasing banter taking over the conversation, instead of him eating me out on the couch in front of all of our teammates while I was spread out for their eyes to take in.

“You’re always a tease to me, in one way or another.” His huge hands massaged the inside of my thighs as he finally lowered himself to suck on my nub again, making me instinctively buck my hips up in search of his tongue.

“Stay…” he ordered in his Alpha tone, and the whine that broke free from my chest was more animal than human now. The way he used his mouth was nothing short of sinful, licking me from ass to clit with an eagerness I had never expected the former Winter Soldier to have.

But I guess today I was discovering all of my fantasies about Bucky had been a bit misplaced. For one, I never thought he’d be the type of Alpha to take me in such a public environment.

In every dirty dream I’d had, Bucky was far too possessive to allow anyone to explore what was his - even if it was only visually - but what I’d come to learn was that while he was definitely dominating, there was a hint of exhibitionism in his craving.

He liked to have people see him break me into a million pieces only to glue me back together with a lick of his tongue. He liked that they were seeing his talent - and I had to admit, by what I saw in his friend’s stare, that they were also admiring me too.

And he got off on that. I didn’t expect it would make me get off too.

“Delicious,” he hummed when he finally pulled away from my cunt, having brought me to my release and licked it off of me. Still, an overwhelming amount of wetness covered the lower part of his face, prompting me to raise myself to my elbows and lick my own juices off of his lips, the omega in me begging to scent him as mine.

“You’re a nasty little bitch, aren’t you?” He chuckled once the surprise faded away, easily manhandling me onto my stomach, the sound of a zipper being opened denouncing that he had undressed.

“Keep fucking me and you’ll find out.” I heard him spitting behind me, a shiver running up my spine as I realized he was playing with himself while looking at me presenting for him.

“Oh, I’ll do much better than that.” That was all the warning I got before I felt the head of his member poking my entrance, slowly but surely sliding in until he had bottomed out.

My whines became intensified when he pulled me up by my hair, his free hand covering my breast to rub my nipple as he whispered, “I’m gonna claim you, sweetheart. You think you’re ready for that? Think you’ll be able to take it?”

I was quickly realizing I had severely underestimated the man inside of me, even if not to the extent he thought I had. I was not ready for that. I don’t think I ever would be, but fuck if I wasn’t gonna take it anyway.

Because it was so much better than I ever imagined it to be.

“No more playing hard-to-get,” Bucky continued, finally starting to move and immediately settling on a punishing pace. “No more teasing me with your short skirts and tempting scent. You’ll be mine now, ‘mega. Forever. How does that sound?”

God, I wanted him to do it. I wanted him to keep exercising this complete control over my body that he had so easily managed to take. His cock was stretching me in ways I’d never been stretched before, his inflated knot slamming against my opening with each thrust.

“Always mocking me… Am I too old for you now?” I shivered as he licked a stripe up my neck. I knew he wouldn’t actually bite me in front of everyone - a claiming ritual was a sacred ritual, even the most feral of Alphas respected the intimacy of that. But the way he was taunting me was all too arousing, I couldn’t deny it. “Tell me.”

His hand squeezed my hip, looking for an answer. I tried to open my mouth, but nothing came out. His palm slipped further down, finding my clit, and as two fingers rubbed my own juices, around it, I screamed.

“N-No!” Bucky chuckled against my neck, body continuing his onslaught against mine as he nuzzled my scent gland. “Y-you’re not too old for me. Take me, take me please.” His coos were too provoking, making me cry out loud at the mocking sound.

“Aw, kitten…” His warm mouth breathed the next words against my ear, “I already did.” He turned my face towards his with his fingers tangled in my hair, engulfing my mouth with his.

“Alright.” A familiar voice spoke from not too far, startling me for a second as I once again was reminded that we were still very much surrounded by our team. “You two might just be the sexiest mates I’ve ever seen fuck.”

A growl escaped Bucky’s chest at hearing someone refer to us as mates for the first time, and I panted in need, desperate to cum, desperate for him. “Seen a lot of mates fuck, Romanoff?” He nibbled at my ear, hands roaming over my body as if to make it very clear to every person watching that they could look all they wanted, I was still his.

“You have no idea.” Looking over a bit to the side from where she was seated, there rested Sam’s almost limp body, a hand curled over his boner as his eyes never wavered from the place I was connected to the man behind me.

“Well, I know what I’m gonna think about tonight.” Something between a laugh and a moan escaped me, making Bucky growl again, hands pushing me back down onto the couch as his hips picked up the pace with which they’d ruin me.

To say I was soaked was the understatement of the century. I could feel it, running down my thighs, drenching the couch underneath me. I don’t know how we’d be able to use it again, but that was the least of my concerns in the moment.

“I am begging you to let me lick her pussy after you guys are done,” came Tony’s voice, and I knew Bucky would growl in his direction just from the way his fingers pressed tightly on the flesh of my hips. “Not that type of Alpha, sorry, I got it.”

I heard his footsteps retreating quickly, probably scared of what Bucky would do to him once we were done, but in the Alpha’s defense, Tony seemed to disappear from his mind the second he left the room, all of his senses directed to me and his goal of making me cum around his cock.

“C’mon, kitten,” he whispered, fingers easily locating my clit to play with me as he pulled me up to rest against his chest one more. “Come for me, milk me dry.” That was all I needed to give him what he wanted, and although I was anticipating to moan loudly as I creamed his knot, his mouth covered mine to swallow all of my sounds in a deep kiss, hands protectively covering me while pawing at my breasts at the same time.

“Steve,” Bucky called after he managed to catch his breath, having fallen on top of me on the couch once his knot popped open. “I won’t be able to work out with you today.”

I looked up as best as I could to find Steve already staring at us, although red from head to toe. “That’s understandable,” he spoke in a thick, rough voice that I barely recognized as his. “You seem to have worked out enough already.”

Bucky stopped running his nose against my cheek at his friend’s attempt at teasing, a slow smirk taking over his face as he joined me and stared at his friend. “Oh, I’m not nearly done,” he warned. “You’re more than welcome to join us for some cardio, if you want to.”

The soft smile Steve sent our way told us everything we needed to know about his plans for the evening.

#my fics #alpha au #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes #smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes reader #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes reader inserts #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot

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annoyingstupidmiracle · 3 years

Text

Frat Boy- l.r.h.

CONTAINS SMUT...OBVIOUSLYY

Word Count: 2813

I hope y’all enjoy ;) Lmk what you think, and I DO accept requests!!!

I sighed while thumbing through the stack of papers on the desk that were waiting to be completed. I was currently working on physics- my worst subject. As soon as I began to work, a crowd of voices entered the room. Turning around, I encountered my sorority sisters who were all laughing. Yeah, I’m a sorority girl. We’re all apart of Alpha Phi, the hot girls who did well in their classes, but didn’t choose the big majors, and we partied... a lot. Which is exactly why I’m having trouble with my subjects, because I had gone to class hungover from the Frat party we went to last week.

“I heard there’s a Frat party tonight.” One of the girls, Leah, said to the group. I instantly stopped writing and listened in on the conversation.

“Yeah, isn’t it at Alpha Delta?” Another girl asked. My heart instantly dropped. There had been one of the frat boys that shared nearly every class with me, which was another reason I hadn’t been able to get all of my work done. He was the most attractive person I had ever seen, and I couldn’t concentrate around him.

Checking the time, I silently cursed to myself. My last class of the day started in nearly 15 minutes, which also happens to be one of the classes I share with the Adonis. I shoved my earbuds in my ears and gathered my textbooks before exiting the house. I hurried across campus to the correct building, just when the door swung open, knocking me back and causing the books to drop from my arms to the ground. Stumbling, I tore the earbuds from my ears and went to yell at the person who was in such a hurry to leave the building but came up speechless as my eyes met the blue ones of the special frat boy, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about.

“(y/n)?” He spoke causing my mouth to run dry. My heartbeat harshly in my chest as I stared at him.

“H-How do you know my name?” I asked finally after moments of silence.

“We have pretty much every class together, you know?” I nodded, still allowing my eyes to bore into his. “And I see you at all the parties.”

“Yeah, my sorority sisters make me go.”

“Ah, not a partier then?”

I shrug. “Depends on my mood, I guess.” He smiles at my response before crouching down to gather my textbooks.

“Well, then I hope I can put you in the mood to come to my frat’s party tonight?”

“We’ll see,” I say with a smirk, finally gaining my confidence back.

“We will.” He replies, smiling back at me. He stood back up and extended his arms that held my books in them. I pulled them into my chest and watched as he opened the door for me to enter. I decided to sit myself in the middle row so I didn’t drag too much attention to myself, but just enough so that the professor will think I’m listening enough to not call on me.

The door of the classroom opened again, and a loud laugh followed. There, entering the building was Calum Hood. Another frat boy, who was also part of the same frat as the pretty blonde boy across the room. They walked up to one another, joking around and shoving one another in the isle of seats. I was pushed out of my daze by a hand squeezing my upper arm.

“See something you like- or should I say someone?” I turned around and met the mischievous eyes of Ashton Irwin, my sorority sister Leah’s, boyfriend.

“Shut the hell up.” I grumbled.

“I hear his frat is having a party tonight.”

I nod, gulping at the thought. “Yeah, they are. What’s it to you?”

“Leah told me. She also told me that you have the hots for-” Before he could say anything further, I cupped a hand over his mouth.

“I swear, if you ruin this-” I was cut off by him licking the palm of my hand causing me to move it away from him. “You’re disgusting.”

“Not as disgusting as the sex you’re-”

“What about sex?” A perky voice questioned while plopping in the seat beside me. I groaned, turning to who I already knew was Michael.

“You guys are going to ruin this for me.”

“Ruin what exactly?” Mikey asked. Ashton nodded his head over at the blonde who was talking to Calum.

“Miss (y/n) has a crush on our boy Luke.” I let my head fall into my hands and sighed.

“I don’t have a crush on him. I just- think he’d look good like... I don’t know. In my bed?”

Mikey laughed. “And your car, and in the shower-”

“Okay, okay. Can you guys please stop giving me shit?” I begged.

“Alright, students!” A loud voice boomed through the room. We all stopped our conversations and faced the professor. “Today, we’re learning about the reproductive system!” Ah, right, anatomy. Of course, it had to be today that we learned how the penis ejaculates.

I ran my fingers through my now curled (h/c) hair as I stared at my makeup that Leah had done for me. She sat back with her arms crossed and a smirk spread across her face. “Well, don’t you look hotter than before.”

I laughed, “thanks. I’m fucking nervous.”

“Babe, Luke won’t be able to control himself. You know how he is.” I sighed. Yeah, Luke was the type to get around on campus. That’s why I hated myself for having growing feelings for the guy. I usually avoided going to the same parties as him, but I couldn’t avoid the sexual tension for long. I used to tutor him, our sophomore year, it took everything in me not to drop on my knees. He had me weak every time I saw him. Everyone could see it, hell, I think he could too.

“You really think so?”

“Have you not heard the things he’s said about you?” I shook my head. “Well, maybe if you didn’t have your earbuds in your ears all the damn time, you’d know.”

I blushed at her words and stood up, finally ready. I had fishnet tights over my legs along with a tight black dress that stopped barely midthigh. Platform heels decorated my feet and strapped up my ankles. Along with it all, I decided against any sort of undergarments in hopes that I’d get lucky with a specific hot blonde.

“Alright, I’m ready.” Leah grinned and dragged me out the door. We walked for a few minutes along the sidewalk in the cool October air until we finally met with the huge fraternity. They had a huge sheet with spray painted Greek lettering on it in order to stick out to everyone attending the party. The sun had already set and people were walking up the path to the double doors of the house. Ashton was waiting, leaning against one of the pillars of the house while chatting with Michael and Calum. I gulped, squeezing the arm of Leah who gave me a reassuring look.

“You’ll be fine, just go in and take a few shots.” I nodded and followed her up to the boys.

“Ah, you actually came!” Calum cheered while staring at me.

“Me?” I asked.

“Yeah, Luke said he invited you.” He said with a grin. “You look good, by the way.” And with that, he walked inside. Leah looked over at me and smirked.

“I told you they think you’re hot.” She says while elbowing my side. I giggled and rolled my eyes.

“Alright, Mikey. Come in and take some shots with me.”

“You convinced me. Let’s go.”

We walked inside and were instantly met with the dank smell of weed and booze. I took a deep breath in order to get used to the smell and looked around. I seemed to be one of very few girls who decided to dress like this for a party, but I didn’t mind. Eyes trailed behind me as I walked, and I loved it. One of the many perks of being apart of Alpha Phi.

“Damn, (y/n), you’re like a fucking celebrity.” Mikey joked while nudging me. I finally reached the alcohol and poured us each a shot of some Pink Whitney. We clinked our glasses together and threw our heads back, letting the harsh liquid flow down our throats. I clenched my eyes together, shaking my head.

“Alright, another one.” Mikey grabbed the bottle, laughing at my words as he poured the alcohol into the small glass. With another tilt of my head, my second shot was down then a third and a fourth only minutes later.

“(y/n)?” I turned around towards the voice and met with Luke who stood there with an unopened beer in his hand.

“And that’s my queue to leave.” Mikey said while walking away.

“I came.” I told him while gesturing to myself.

“Yeah, you look hot.” He compliments, eyeing my form a few times to take in my appearance.

I swallowed my pride and smiled at him, “so do you.”

Luke seemed to think for a second before speaking. “Do you want to grab a beer and go out on the balcony with me?” He asked, shocking me.

“I, uh, yeah. Sure.” Bending down into the cooler, I felt his eyes on me the entire time. I smirked, wrapping my hands around a cold can and stood back up. He reached out to grab my hand and lead me through the large crowd of people up the stairs. There were a few straggling drunks in the hallway of the second story, but no one that was watching as he took me out the double doors of the balcony. I cracked open the can and sipped on the beer nervously, waiting to see what his plan was.

“So, is this the part where you kill me?” I joke while watching as he popped his can open as well.

“Actually, it’s the part where I tell you what I want to do to you.”

“Wait, what?”

“I said, I just wanted to talk.” What the fuck am I thinking? Nodding, I allowed him to go on. “I wanted to hang out with you alone, but a party is fine too.”

“Mhm,” I mumble against the cold can of beer against my lips. Luke seemed to let his eyes trail down my legs covered in the lacey material before throwing his head back.

“Fuck the small talk.”

“What do you-“ Before I could finish my sentence, he had taken three intimidating steps towards me and cupped my cheek in his hand, pressing his lips against mine. My heartbeat sped up, and my stomach flipped as well. I didn’t hesitate to let my free hand tangle in the back of his hair, pulling at the ends. He groaned against my lips before eventually pulling away. Looking down into my eyes, he searched them for some sort of reaction. I blinked innocently up at the frat boy and smiled.

“I can’t get your gorgeous face out of my head, (y/n).”

“Thank god.” He cocked his head in confusion, so I elaborated. I took a few chugs of my beer before finishing it and tossing the can to the ground. “I really, really want you.”

“I’m going to fucking ruin you.” He nearly growls under his breath before grabbing my wrist and taking me back inside to what I’m assuming is his bedroom. Without another word, he closed and locked the door behind me before pressing me against it. I gasped with surprise but felt nothing but pleasure as he lifted me up by my thighs and carried me over to the bed. I plopped down onto the mattress and watched as he tore his shirt from his body and discarded it to the side.

Luke curled his fingers around the edge of my dress and pulled it up over my waist. I stared at him to get his reaction when he notices- “You’re not wearing any… Did you expect this to happen?” He questioned with a laugh.

I nodded, bringing my bottom lip between my teeth. “I hoped it would.”

“With me?” I nodded again. His eyes flickered down to my womanhood before starting to pull down my tights. One they were down my legs, he looked back up at me and put two fingers between his lips, letting his spit drench them before inserting them inside of me. I jerked upwards, leaning up on my elbows as my mouth fell open in an ‘o.’ “You like that?”

“Mhm, yeah.” I moaned causing him to thrust them in and out of me. I allowed myself to relax as I grew wetter by the second. After a few seconds, he added his mouth which only made me moan louder. His tongue flattened against my clit, circling around it in a pattern that drew me close to the edge. He was amazing with his mouth. “L-Luke, please.” I begged, but he didn’t stop. Although I wanted to cum around him, I couldn’t help it. He wrapped his lips around my clit and sucked while curling his fingers inside of me. My chest heaved up and down as my thighs attempted to clench together while my climax approached. He used his free hand to keep my legs from closing and felt as they shook at his touch. “Fuck!” I screamed out. He chuckled against me before sitting up and pushing me farther on the bed. With quick hands, he pulled my dress over my head and stared at my chest.

“No bra either?” I smiled cheekily up at him before his hands came down and groped my breasts. I reached down and unbuttoned his jeans before sliding them down his legs revealing his name brand boxers. I nearly drooled at the size of the bulge before palming him through the thin material. Carefully, I pulled his member out and pumped him a few times. “God, your hands feel so good.”

“I bet my mouth would feel better.” I say confidently. He looked at me with his eyebrows raised as I switched my position so that I was sitting up. I parted my lips enough to allow him to slide in my mouth. I dragged my lips down to his shaft, my nose brushing against the happy trail against his navel. Groaning, Luke tangled his hand in my hair, pushing my head down slightly. The tip brushed the back of my throat, allowing for more spit to lubricate his member. I pulled off him and looked up.

“I know what would feel even better.” Luke says before pushing my shoulders back against the bed, pinning me underneath him. Spreading my legs, I waited for him to slide past my entrance and let an erotic moan erupt from my throat as he did. “Yeah, much better.”

“Please,” I whined.

“Please what?” Luke smirked. He knew what he was doing.

“Please fuck me, Luke. I need you so bad.” And with that, he slammed himself in me all the way. Our moans filled the room as well as the sound of skin slapping together. I lifted one of my legs up and rested it on his shoulder as he pounded in and out of me. My back arched against the mattress as my nails scratched the skin on his back, clearly leaving marks. Without warning, he pulled out of me.

“If I go any longer, I’ll bust so hang on.” I laughed at his words and waited for him to grab a condom. Once he did, he slid it over him and lined himself back up with my entrance. Grabbing the backs of my thighs, he held onto them as he began to slam himself in and out of me constantly, and roughly. I reached a hang down between my legs and rubbed at my clit to get myself closer to the edge, knowing he was close as well.

“Fuck, you’re so big.” I whimper. Luke chuckles and spreads my legs even wider, hiking them over his shoulders before leaning down against me. His lips latched onto mine, getting me closer to my orgasm. My body begins to shake as I reach my second climax of the night, feeling him twitch inside me as he reaches his as well.

“Good fucking girl.” Luke growled, watching me writhe beneath him. I breathed out, finally able to catch my breath and looked at the blonde through tired eyes.

“I thought you were good in bed, but not that good.” I admitted causing him to chuckle.

“Glad to meet your expectations.” After throwing away the condom, he pulled his pants back over his legs and tossed me a clean shirt that was neatly folded on the nightstand. I looked at him with confusion.

“What’s this for?”

“Yeah, you’re not going anywhere tonight- or for a while.”

Laughing, I slid the shirt over my head so that it draped over my bare torso. “So, that means what exactly?”

“I’m gonna make you mine, whether you like it or not.”

“Not complaining.”

#luke hemmings smut #luke hemmings #luke hemmings imagines #luke 5sos #5sos smut

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tteokdoroki · 4 years

Note

hi lovely! i hope you’re doing well<3 i was wondering if i could request (hcs or drabbles? you can choose) for keigo and bakugou going to a hero gala with their s/o? this can be gn for everyone hehe but i’d like to see how they’d react seeing their s/o in formal wear and how’d they go about acting at the gala. (if you throw in a lil nsfw in there i’ll love you forever hehe) thank you!

— seeing their s/o in formal wear for the first time !

⇝ pairing(s): keigo takami, katsuki. bakugou x gn!reader

⇝ rating: mature, 18+.

⇝ genre: smut, fluff.

⇝ warning(s): please read ! unprotected sex ( please wear protection ), public sex, oral sex ( reader receiving ), handjobs, marking.

⇝ author’s note(s): ello ello, i’m back with some requests once again, i decided to switch this one up a little bit and include a slight scenario for each character, please let me know if you liked it, nsfw below the cut <3

⇝ masterlist | requests

you probs haven’t been dating very long when keigo asks you on a date to the upcoming hero gala

you’re also a civilian so he’s worried it might not be your scene !!

he’s over the moon when you say yes and is pressing a bunch of kissies to your face.

gives you his bad boy black credit card and tells you to buy whatever you fancy; it just has to be formal wear !!

i see you not being very comfy with idea of using his card to buy yourself something expensive since you’re only just dating

but he waves his hand and says “only the best for my baby bird.”

probably sends his assistant to make sure you’re not worried about the price tag.

on the night when he sees you his draw DROPS

because damn, you look so good in that cute little outfit you got.

it compliments you so well and you look absolutely ravishing.

cant stop looking at you the whole night.

will probably be handsy the whole time, slipping under fabric of your expensive new clothes.

keigo steals you away from a chat with endeavour to slow dance with you during the gala.

“damn baby bird, if i’d have known you were gonna look this good in formal wear, we’d never have left the apartment.”

you whimper into his ear and keigo knows he’s done for.

don’t even make it home, he just pulls you into the closest bathroom and forces you over the sinks.

“k-keigo, anyone could walk in and see—“

“see? oh baby, i bet you want them to see how much of a mess i’m going to make you.”

barley holds back as he gives you his cock, it’s so loud that literally e v e r y o n e can hear you from outside.

when you stumble out both of you a visibly messy from your activities.

you take your leave and barley make it to the car before keigo’s hands are on you again.

⇝ scenario:

if anyone were to walk into the bathroom right now, you’d surely be fucked. million dollar outfit a mess on the floor, hair strewn about and number two pro hero between your legs.

keigo groans as your free hand curls in the sea of his messy blonde hair, forcefully tugging his head up to yours before you press a sloppy kiss to his glistening lips. you whimper at the taste of yourself on his tongue. “k-keigo,” you whimper, legs begging to shudder as his free hand roams your nether regions, stimulating you until you’re seeing new colours behind closes eyelids and your body is trembling against the bathroom counter. “p-please—“

“please what angel? don’t hear you using your words.”

you curl in on yourself, feeling the knot in your tummy tighten as if it’s about to unravel— your eyes snap open to meet a pair of dilated golden ones, making you moan so loud that you clamp down on your bottom lip to keep the sounds in. “gonna cum, don’t wanna be to—to loud, people could hear...”

your boyfriend chuckles darkly from above you, mouth falling open to mock your moans while the slick sounds of your sex flicker between you. “ohoho baby bird, don’t worry about that and let them know how good i’m making you feel.”

you’ve been dating for a year or two at this point but bakugous really private so he’s never taken you to the gala.

when the next one rolls around you decide to ask him why he’s never asked you to go

katsuki just shrugs and says he “didn’t think you’d like all the lights and shitty cameras.”

nonetheless he invites you this time and you happily agree but pout upon realising you don’t have anything appropriate to wear.

you’re both pretty new to the pro hero thing but i think katsuki would be higher ranked and thus earn more bc he’s on track to be number one.

so you’re sitting there like >:(

and bakugou flicks your forehead and rolls his eyes.

“don’t pout dumbass, just use my card and get yourself something nice.”

you don’t hesitate, bouncing to the nearest mall the next day to get yourself something off the charts.

you end up running a little late to the gala so arrive separately from bakugou but when he sees you ...

gosh !!,£/&/

a tiny explosion sets off in his palm from how gorgeous you are

his hands are probably sweaty for the rest of the night.

he keeps checking you out from across the room, staring at you while he sips on champagne...

you only catch him because he keeps letting off tiny explosions by accident !!

you’re probably the one to initiate any teasing that night, slipping your hand down his breaches at the dinner table.

he doesn’t flinch but sends you a warning glare.

probably let’s out a strangled moan when you start palming him for real.

“fuck, yn...”

“what was that kacchan?”

“mind your fuckin’...fuckin’ business, damn nerd. we’re going home.”

yanks you from the table and heads straight for the car.

you both don’t say anything in the car home but as soon as you’re past the front door bakugou is ravaging you like his last meal

teeth, tongue, love bites !! you name it !!

“you think you can get away with teasing me like that? well you’re in for a long fuckin’ night sweetheart.”

oop , you can’t walk for days after that.

⇝ scenario:

“how do you like me now, sweetheart? not so confident— ah fuck, are you?”

bakugou mocks you, forcing you up the wall with every thrust inside of your tight heat. you’d barely made it into the house before your boyfriend pounced, lips on your neck on your lips and your sex. the guy was relentless; tearing right through your formal wear with no regrets, what was left of your outfit remained bunched at your hips— katsuki using the fabric to pull you back onto his hard cock.

tears threaten to spill from the corners of your eyes, nails scratching their way down the walls as your boyfriend lands a harsh spank to your ass— the pain sending shivers down your spine. “not gonna answer me brat?” he spits; finger tips singing little marks into the skin of your hips. “where’s all that mouth you had earlier? when your hands were down my fuckin’ pants in front of all those people.”

“k-katsuki!”

the blonde pulls you back by your hair, blood red eyes staring right into yours as the pace of his hips speed up; forcing his red hot length further into your walls. “that’s what i thought. now sit there and take my cock. that’ll teach you to misbehave again.”

some more helpful links about recent events:

educate yourself carrd

issues going on in the world carrd

blm carrd

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absolutelyfizzing · 3 years

Text

He can't hurt you anymore

Bucky x reader

Description - Reader is the barista that Bucky has befriended at his local coffee shop but he thinks you may be hiding something. Your boyfriend might not be as kind as he tries to come off as. One day Bucky investigates and intervenes. Takes place around TFATWS but the shield isn't a factor. After the events of Endgame. Its pretty platonic Buck x Reader but it's sort of implied that future romance is probably a thing.

Warnings - TW DOMESTIC ABUSE!!! This is a big part of the story, if this is triggering for you, DO NOT READ THIS!! If you are in a situation where you need help getting out of an abusing household please get help. also endgame spoilers! Theres some cussing as well and female pronouns are used.

Word count - 4700 ish?

A/N - I am writing this from how an abusive relationship was for ME, how I acted, and the ways that I felt. This is in no way a generalization of how these situations are for most people nor is it a romanticization of abuse. Please reach out to someone or even me if you need help or you want to talk about anything. Do not read this story if you will be harmed by reading this, PLEASE.

MASTERLIST

Bucky's favorite part of his day was when he went to get coffee from the small shop down the street from his apartment. He didn't have many places he liked to go outside of the small room that he often felt trapped him but he knew that it was good for him to get out and interact with people. His therapist had told him as much.

He really didn't even like the coffee that much, he found that it made him jittery, but he went just to say hi to you. He always got the same order and usually got there around the same time so sometimes you would even have his coffee ready just as he was walking in. When you did things like that it made his heart flutter. He liked you in a romantic way but you only ever lightly flirted. Not wanting to scare you away, he never pressed and he kept his conversation moderately friendly. He had noticed that sometimes you seemed off. More so than he would say might be caused by a bad day.

On these days your eyes would be flying around the room and your hands shaky. You normally had bags under your eyes and you might even have bruises around your body. He also noticed that on those days you would cover up more but he could catch a glimpse of a purple bruise on your arm under your sleeve when you moved.

As he walked into the shop, he saw that today would be one of those days. He had been going to the coffee shop that you were at for probably 6 months and he had never seen you this shaken up. You seemed to be fully zoned out as you automatically did the cleaning in front of you. He had to clear his throat a bit to get you to notice him and when he did he regretted it. You flinched and your shoulders tensed before looking over to him. You relaxed a bit and a wide smile appeared on your face. He could vaguely tell it seemed to be fake but it was one of the best fake smiles he had ever seen. He almost commented on it before he noticed the bruises on your neck and arm.

"You okay?" He questioned, eyebrow quirked and his tone lightly teasing. He guessed they might be from whoever you were sleeping with having been a bit rough, something that he wouldn't have judged you for anyway. When you tensed up a bit and drew your hand to your neck he saw the look of slight fear cross your eyes.

"Oh I'm fine!" You recovered, "Didn't have time to cover them up this morning." You smiled and put your arm back down. It looked like you were going with his guess that they were from your boyfriend but in a non threatening way. His smile lessened a bit and he got out his wallet.

"Well, you know the drill. Medium americano with cream and sugar please." He sighed and he put some money in your tip jar while winking at you. You blushed and nodded before turning around to get started on his order.

While you were turned around he heard the bell on the door ring signaling that someone had entered. He turned to see who it was only to be met with an unfamiliar face. This was a bit of a rare occurrence considering he came here so often and he knew almost all of the other people who walked in. This man was large and domineering. He didn't look abnormal in any way, just that his eyes didn't hold the kindness that Bucky searched for when meeting someone new. The man pushed past Bucky to stand at the counter and knocked on it loudly, trying to get your attention. When you turned, you looked like you saw a ghost.

James studied you carefully as the color slowly came back to your face and the large smile that didn't quite seem right was plastered on your face again.

"Hey, babe! Can I get you something?" you asked him kindly and James realized that this must be your boyfriend. He noticed the slight waver that was in your voice as you spoke to to man and the way that your hands began to shake a bit.

"No thanks, I just wanted to check on you to see how you were doing and to apologize again. I was just heading in to work." Your boyfriend smiled and you flinched for a moment before taking a deep breath, bracing yourself.

"No worries, I already told you I forgave you." You grinned, this one looking more like it reached your eyes. "Have a good day at work!" You chirped at him. His hand came to your cheek and James saw you flinch before the man leaned in to kiss you. As soon as he pulled away and left, you turned back to the drink you were making for Buck and your hands were unsteady.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" He tentatively asked. He didn't want to push but he had a bad feeling stuck in his stomach.

You turned to him, ready drink in hand, "I'm doing great, thank you for asking, James" You smiled and Bucky nearly swooned when you used his name. He adjusted his glove a bit and fidgeted with the sleeve on his metal arm, a habit he had when he was anxious.

"Do you mind if I drink it up here? I'd love to chat a bit." He did this pretty often. There was a seat next to the counter for employees that he would occupy on days where the shop wasn't too busy. You gazed at him and nodded enthusiastically.

"How are you now that you're all settled into the new place?" You asked gently and he smiled. He appreciated that you remembered details about him. It made him feel less crazy for having known so much about you.

"It's good! The bed still doesn't feel right and there are still boxes lying around but I cant seem to get myself to unpack all the way. If I didn't have this part of my day then I think I'd be bored out of my mind" He said. You blushed a bit and smiled. You always liked hearing about how he was doing, you worried about him. He had told you at some point that he was a veteran and that he had some issues adapting to his new life. You didn't bring it up often so as to not scare him off but you liked to check in when you could.

"You might want to start looking for something else to occupy your time then, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here." You mumbled. You were still smiling a bit but your gaze had saddened.

"What do you mean? Are you leaving the city? Heading back home?" he questioned quickly. You had told him that you weren't originally from New York. You chuckled a bit at his panic.

"No, but might be moving in with my boyfriend, that guy who came in earlier." You explained but he still had a confused look on his face.

"Why does that mean you wont be working here?"

"Oh I don't know, he is trying to get me to quit while I'm figuring out life and stuff. Thinks I might be more helpful around the house and he has enough to support us both." you tried to explain but you knew the logic in your statement was flawed. The reality was that your boyfriend wanted you to be financially dependent on him but you were ignoring that as the bruises around your throat reminded you what happened to girlfriends who talked back. You looked into Bucky's eyes to find him staring sadly.

"You should be able to keep working if you want to." He sounded urgent and you laughed it off.

"You're just mad cause you won have an excuse to see your favorite barista anymore." As you turned back to the cleaning around the shop to do. It was a quiet morning so the silence was slightly deafening. You both didn't speak for a couple minutes before James broke the silence.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" he asked very lightly. Like he didn't want to scare you off. "I'm guessing your boyfriend left those marks and earlier when he came in-"

"It was an accident" You stated quickly. Urgently. Pleadingly. You still weren't looking at him but you had stopped cleaning. "He didn't mean to, he felt bad about it." You continued before turning to James. There were tears in your eyes and you tried to smile reassuringly.

"Those kinds of accidents shouldn't happen, Y/N" He muttered, trying not to make you feel attacked at all but also wanting to let you know that he knew something was wrong.

"It was my fault." You began.

"There is no way-"

"No it was. I messed something up and-and it was on me. James, you don't need to worry about me." Your voice was shaking a bit. "Please, don't worry about me." you were pleading. Your eyes were begging.

You both stood in silence for a moment before you began moving around. You didn't really have a task to be doing but you couldn't be still. You just couldn't be still.

"I am worried" he whispered and you felt the tears in your eyes threaten to fall. You knew you situation wasn't good but you didn't feel like there was anything you could do. And you were partially still convinced that your boyfriend didn't mean it, even though past experiences had already proved you wrong. You knew that after the 5th time, it wasn't accidental. But fear and guilt held you back. You were not an aggressive person. When he yelled at you he made you feel weak. You crumbled. You would never be able to escape.

You went through the rest of your shift in moderate silence. You worked when customers came in and when they left you would try to make yourself seem busy around the shop. James sat patiently, you knew he was gong to want to walk you back to your boyfriend's apartment. Your stomach clenched as you prayed that your boyfriend wouldn't be home.

After your shift you agreed to let James walk you home, you only lived a few blocks away. You didn't talk much and you felt guilty for creating that atmosphere. When you reached your building you stopped and turned to him.

"Thank you for walking me home." You smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow?" You asked and Bucky nodded.

When you turned to head into you building, he didn't leave. He waited. He knew something was wrong but he didn't want to create a mess for you if he didn't need to. He stood against the building before walking in behind someone who was entering. He made his way to the address he had caught on your key earlier and stopped about 3 floors down from yours. He wouldn't intervene unless you needed him and he could listen in from further away. One of the few times he was thankful for the super serum.

"Where have you been?" a growl sounded.

"I was just-"

"Your shift ended 30 minutes ago. Were you talking to that leather wearing asshole? Huh?" There was a yell. "Were you cheating on me, you bitch?!"

"No, babe, Bucky just walked me home, he was just being nice. The person taking over my shift was just a little-"

"He walked you home?" He screamed, "You're just whoring yourself out to anyone now, huh?"

At this point Bucky had heard enough but he noticed that the stairs were closed and the elevator was taking forever. He was hitting himself for not going up to your floor to be more prepared. His heart was pounding and he could feel his eyes watering.

"Babe, I'm sorry, he didn't mean anything by it, I promise-"

He heard a yelp and something making impact and he decided he was done waiting. He didn't know why the stairs were closed but it didn't matter. He broke the door to the stairwell open and he sprinted up them as fast as possible. It was easier to hear your whimpers as he got closer and he could still hear hitting.

When he made it to the door he didn't hesitate to break it in. When he entered the apartment he felt eyes on him. In the corner of your living room you were hunched in a corner, breathing heavily with tears streaming down your face and a fresh broken lip, your boyfriend leering over you with his fist clenched.

"Get the fuck away from her." Bucky felt himself growl. He didn't want to hurt this guy in front of you, knowing that would traumatize you more, but it was taking everything in him not to snap his neck right then.

"What the fuck are you gonna do?" Your boyfriend sneered, "You have no right to come in here and tell be how I'm supposed to deal with my girlfriend. Get the fuck out!" Your boyfriend had moved away from you and you took a bit of a breath. Bucky noticed the shaking of your body as you breathed and he saw red.

Before he really considered what he was doing Bucky was already moving toward the man in the middle of the room, his metal hand clenched. He moved to grab your boyfriend's arm and when he tried to block, going into the fight cocky, Bucky decided he would put him in his place. With what seemed to be minimal effort, Bucky turned the mans arm around and jammed his knee into his back. Once your boyfriend was on the floor, in less than 10 seconds, Bucky had his knee on his chest and his metal arm on his neck.

"You will never lay another finger on her again, you understand me? You're gonna go to fucking prison and you'll never be able to get near her again." Bucky growled at the man who was struggling futilely beneath him. He pressed on his neck harder and waited for his body to give out, holding long enough that he would be knocked out for at least a few minutes so he could get you out of there.

Bucky looked up at you and you were still shaking in the corner, seemingly still terrified. You looked so different from the girl he had come to know. Bucky realized that he might have just made you more scared of him but he knew it was worth it to get you out of the situation. You gulped and took a deep shaky breath before moving to stand up. Bucky moved to stand also to go over and help you but you immediately say back down.

"Hey, doll. I'm not gonna hurt you-" Bucky started but you cut him off.

"I know, I know I just..." You took another shallow breath and looked at the man Bucky was no longer holding down. He could get free and move toward you now if he were to wake up. Bucky understood your gaze sighed a bit, looking around the apartment he now realized probably belonged to your boyfriend. He then noticed the belt on your boyfriend and moved to take it off so he could tie him up with it. He heard you whimper and he made a guess as to why, his heart clenching once again. He quickly bound the large man's hands and attached him to a support beam in the middle of the room. He checked the bindings using larger movements than he needed to so that you would see they were tight from your spot across the room. Bucky then stood and slowly made his way near you. Instead of trying to get very close, he opted to sit against the wall about halfway between you and the man tied up in the room, trying to make sure that you didn't feel threatened by him and that you knew your boyfriend was no longer a threat.

"I'm gonna call a friend okay? You're okay now." Buck said gently to you and you nodded. Your eyes were watery as tears began to fall and you scooted a little closer to Bucky, still not sitting close enough to touch. Bucky made no move to push you. He instead just dialed the only person he could think of.

"Hey, Sam... You in town?.. I know but I need some help. I need the police here and if you could drive too that would be great. I got someone here I don't want going in a cop car... I know that's a lot to ask but I wouldn't be asking if it weren't serious... Please?.. That would be great if she's there." It seemed that the 'please' made the person on the other line agree. Bucky hung up and looked toward you. "Someone's on the way, okay? Do you need anything right now or need any medical help thats urgent?"He tried to be gentle but he couldn't hide the fear in his voice. If there was severe damage somewhere he needed to know now.

"N-no, it wasn't that bad. It's just my face and my ribs I guess but I've healed from worse." You mumbled, trying to be reassuring but then realizing that you may have made him feel worse. "I'm sorry" You mumbled as the tears began again.

"Whoa, what on earth are you sorry for?" Bucky asked as he felt his own eyes begin to water.

"Its just that-" you took a breath for a moment and tried to calm your shaking, "this isn't your job and I'm sorry that you have to deal with it and that I couldn't do it on my own." You cried a bit, Bucky barely being able to make out your words with how quietly you were speaking. He wasn't entirely sure how to help. He experimentally slid a hand along the floor toward you going very slowly so you could move or tell him to stop if you wanted. Instead you moved your hand and reached out so your fingers were touching on the floor. You still didn't move closer to him but the nonthreatening contact made you feel a bit better. He spoke up quietly.

"Y/N, I know this has been a really hard day for you and probably been rough for however long you've been with that asshole but you need to understand that this is not your fault. You did not make him do this to you and you did not deserve it. You will never be in a room alone with him again, okay?" He made decisive eye contact with you and you nodded a bit. "I am going to make sure that nothing happens to you now, I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you again." He sounded reassuring and you scooted just close enough that his hand was holding yours. He smiled lightly at you and you jumped as you heard a knock at the doorframe of the entrance where the door had been practically broken off its hinges.

You tensed up immediately and Bucky stood a bit protectively in front of you, letting go of your hand in the process. You saw a tall kind looking man at the doorway, his frame slightly hunched to make sure that he didn't startle you too much. You looked at him a bit fearfully and took a deep breath before glancing at Bucky and then smiling lightly at the man in the doorway. He watched you carefully as he stepped into the apartment.

"Hey there, my name is Sam, I'm just gonna get him out of here. There's a police car with his name on it downstairs. I brought someone with me who's going to help get you out of here to somewhere safe, okay?" He smiled at you as he moved toward the man tied up in the center of the room. As the bindings came off you skittered back toward the corner a bit and only eased once he was dragged out of the room. From the doorway came a redhead with bags under her eyes. She looked like she hadn't gotten good sleep in a while and you felt like you recognized her from somewhere.

"I'm Pepper, is it okay if I come in?" She looked nice and she had a motherly presence. You nodded and smiled a bit. Her gaze softened further and she walked slowly toward you and as she walked past Bucky she touched his arm lightly, conveying something that you didn't quite understand. "Can I help you up?" she asked as she stood in front of you, her hand reached out. You nodded and put your hand in hers, allowing her to pull you up. You felt the damage that had been done more clearly when you stood up, there was definitely something wrong with your ribs and your stomach. She carefully and slowly put an arm around your shoulders as she herded you out of the apartment. you looked back to where Bucky was standing and he smiled at you reassuringly but his eyes seemed sad. You let yourself be led to a car outside with a man that Pepper called "Happy" driving. She sat in the back with you and made casual one sided conversation to put you at ease.

Back at your apartment Bucky began to try to pack you a bag. He knew that Pepper would take good care of you and wouldn't let anything happen. He would meet you at the Avengers tower later, assuming you would be staying there until you felt comfortable living by yourself at your own apartment again. He moved through your ex's apartment with a critical gaze, noting holes in the wall and a gun in the corner. He presumed it was to protect against home intruders but he didn't doubt that it had been used to threaten you too. He found the bedroom and got to work getting some things that he thought you might want like a hoodie that looked like yours and some personal belongings that were clearly your possessions. He was trying very hard not to accidentally grab something that was your ex's and once he had a full bag he headed out. He saw Sam leaned against the wall outside your building and Bucky immediately got worried.

"Wheres-"

"He's already booked at the precinct, I've got my guys on it and he isn't going anywhere." Sam reassured, having known what Bucky was going to ask. They began walking to the tower, not wanting to get in a car and knowing that the walk wasn't going to be too long.

"Sorry I had to call you, I know you were probably busy. I just didn't know who else to ask." Bucky stated quietly.

"You did the right thing, Buck. You probably saved that girl's life back there." Sam smiled a bit at the man next to him and Bucky felt a smile tug at his mouth too.

They both made light conversation as they made their way back to the tower. When they did, Bucky took a deep breath. He hadn't been back here since right after Steve left. He hadn't seen Pepper in a long time either. He needed to talk to her when he got inside to thank her and to see if she was okay. He knew she probably didn't want to see him very much but she had still helped you when he asked.

Back at the tower you were finally cleared from the medical wing. You were still shaky but you were masking it pretty well and you were about back to where you functioned daily where you could fake smiles if you needed to. Pepper stayed by you the whole time and you met a little girl named Morgan who was very excited to tell you stories that put you at ease. Eventually Pepper led you to a room that she said you could use to sleep and shower in for now and that you could call the AI if you needed anything at all. You asked it to tell you when Bucky got back and it said it would. You also now knew that you recognized her as Iron Man's wife but you didn't mention it, knowing she had lost her husband semi-recently. You also recognized that Sam, who you had met earlier, was the Falcon. Then came the question of who was Bucky. You knew there was a James Barnes associated with the Avengers but you'd never seen him and you knew he had a metal arm, something that you weren't sure was part of Bucky. You showered and cried again in the shower but this time out of relief. You realized that you didn't have to go home to that awful man and that you were finally safe.

The AI, you thought you'd heard Pepper call it FRIDAY, let you know that Bucky was in the building along with Sam. You dressed in the clothes that pepper had given to you, a pair of sweats and a loose T-shirt, and left your room. You carefully padded down the hallway, prepared to ask FRIDAY where you were if you got lost. Instead you saw Bucky down a hallway carrying a bag that you recognized as your own. Now that you were a bit calmed down you knew what you had to do. You got closer to each other, Bucky smiling slightly, and he stopped so that he wouldn't get close to you if you didn't want him to. Instead you continued walking toward him until you got close enough that you could wrap your arms tightly around his waist. He stood in shock before dropping the bag and wrapping one of his arms around you tightly. You reached out to the other one and felt the hardness of it. You guessed then that he must be the winter soldier that you'd heard about but you continued to wrap it around yourself so that he was hugging you all the way. You took a deep breath and smiled slightly.

"Thank you, James." You murmured and you heard his heart pick up its pace. He tightened his arms around you and sighed.

"You’re welcome, doll" he accepted the thanks with a bit of apprehension but this wasn't the time to argue about whether or not thanks were needed. "I promise I'm not going to let anything happen to you again." He stated quietly and he was reassuring himself more than you. Your arms tightened around him more and he decided that he would protect you with all he had if you would let him.

444 notes · View notes

stopeatingwhales · 3 years

Text

"you're still blushing," x damon albarn

I haven't written something for damon in ages so here you all go <333

Pairing: 90s damon albarn x reader

Warnings: nothing :)

Word count: 2.214

༉‧₊˚✧

Having a roommate was always helpful for when you needed to cut the cost of rent, and to have company with someone that you got along with since you either were not far into relationships to be able to move in with a significant other, or you weren’t in a one - in which by having a roommate, made things less lonely. Me and Damon had known each other for quite some time now as Graham introduced us since Damon was looking for a flatmate at a time where, for some reason everybody seemed as though they were already occupied with people they were living with and sharing rent. Perhaps he was a little too late looking into it, but when Damon and I met, it was practically a match made in heaven. Though he wasn’t the first person I’d want to share a flat with, as I had no idea who he even was, just that he was best friends with somebody I was also friends with, he was perhaps, as oddly as it sounds, the best choice for a stranger to share a flat with. We had been living together since his band was working on their debut album, Leisure, and since then we had developed a very close relationship with one another. We both shared love for the same music, read the same books, and he had a personality which formed out of pure ardor and benevolence, which made it very easy to be able to form a strong bond together. It was very enjoyable living with him, as we wouldn’t avoid each other at all. Whenever both of us were present, there was nothing we would rather do than just spend time with one another. When nothing was going for us on weekends, we tended to just sit there on the couch in the living room, drinking warm, hot mugs of tea made by Damon at his advance, simply chatting about anything and everything. We would talk until the sun had gone down, until one of us had practically fallen asleep on the other, which was usually me, giving Damon the chore of putting me into bed, which I would constantly be thanking him for the following morning. At certain points in our friendship it was hard to distinguish whether we had feelings for each other, or if it was just a strong platonic relationship; other people had consistently pointed out our relationship together, and how we supposedly acted as if we were the happiest couple in the world.

After being asked whether me and him were together or not countless times, I had begun thinking about our relationship from an outsider's perspective, and over time I had realised that I was gaining feelings for Damon as I started to take notice of the little things that he would do. The warm smiles that he would give me; his plump, soft lips curving in a philanthropic manner, almost child-like, filled with pure love and adoration for you that you would instantly urge yourself to reciprocate. The unneeded care that would ensue once he realised that I was sick and needed a day off, bringing me a warm cup of tea in the morning, also mentioning that he wasn’t attending his band session later on in the day because I was his main priority, and that music could wait. The way he would rush into my room whilst I was organising my laundry, his lyric book gripped in his hand with a pen in the other, practically begging me to hear the new verse he had surprisingly conjured up in a couple of seconds - my opinion meaning so much to him that he would force me to read his finished songs, changing whatever I thought didn’t suit. And not to mention his features. His angelic, ocean-like orbs, where your eyes would get lost in them instantaneously; causing you to wonder what sort of resplendent alchemy went forth in creating such adoring pools of blue; his foolproof nose, sculpted in everlasting beauty, locked in the middle of his face, showing there was no flaw in his features, that he was the definition of true excellence, and though not a part of his face, the hair from his fringe that would coat over his forehead ever so softly, so elegantly, the strands, though roughly brushed through, looked as if they had been done professionally by his hairdresser. You were unable to pinpoint a flaw on him - he was the embodiment of elegance. You’d simply wonder whether this kind of beauty exists, and to have it living with me, was unequivocally something my heart was unable to handle.

Stepping into the flat that we both shared, I quickly took my shoes off before locking the door. As I wandered around the apartment, the aroma of smoke was easily identifiable, implying that Damon was inside, and smoking. Once I reached the living space, I saw Damon was sitting on the couch, flicking through the channels on the TV. “You alright?” I asked him, leaving the shopping bags on the countertops of the kitchen. He turned to look at me, a sweet smile painted on his lips before he took another drag from his cigarette. Oh, to be that cancer stick.

“I’m alright.” He replied, putting out his cigarette on the glass ashtray in front of him, then getting up to help me with the groceries. “How are you, love?”

“I’m okay. I managed to get everything we needed before we both died from starvation.” I laughed, folding up the now-empty bags that were once brimmed to the full of things we needed.

My gaze was fixed on him as he shut the fridge door as I leaned my tired body on the counter, him making his way after shutting the door to stand as close to me as he could. There was practically no empty space between us as he held me in an embrace, his face hidden into my neck as he played with strands of my hair gently. “I missed you,” He uttered, my heart now swelled in adoration for the man that was holding me, unaware if my body was able to handle more of his tauntings. Once he pulled out of the embrace, he clung onto my hands whilst staring deeply into my eyes. I couldn’t help but blush deeply as I looked into his eyes, getting lost in the essence of his handsomeness. I noticed his warm smile form into a cheeky grin as I realised that he knew I was going red. “You’re blushing.”

Slightly embarrassed, I scrunched my face together and looked down to the ground. There was no way out of it, one day he was going to find out just how much I had grown a liking for him. Instead of responding, I moved away from the situation and headed to sit on the couch, knowing that he would follow suit. Once we sat together, I grabbed the cigar pack that was left open on the table and put a cigarette between my lips, looking at Damon as a form of asking where the lighter was. He immediately grabbed the lighter from his pocket and pressed it, causing a flame to come out. I leaned closer to him to allow him to light the roll of tobacco, my eyes not daring to move away from the sight of the flame. I felt his eyes staring intently at my features, the tension in the air being more prominent than it had ever been before. When it was lit, I instantly inhaled, exhaling sharply to expose the smoke that had quickly built up in my throat.

“What did you do today, Dames?” I asked him, attempting to instigate a conversation. His eyes were still lingering on me whilst my eyes tried everything they could to avoid embarrassing myself again, with another blush.

“Well I went in to do some recording, today was mainly for Graham’s guitar solo so we finished up early,” he answered, walking to the fridge to grab himself a beer, then coming back to sit right next to me. “Graham tells me you’ve got a crush on someone.”

After almost choking on the smoke created in my lungs, I felt the blood rush to my cheeks yet again, the action moving so fast I could feel my cheeks begin to sting. “Ehm- He told you that?”

“So it’s true…” Damon began, placing his drink on the coffee table, a smirk evident on his features. “I thought he was lying, since we usually tell each other everything, but your face says otherwise.” He added, my heart panging slightly as I felt bad that he thought that I didn’t want to tell him. Oh if only he knew it was about him. If only he knew that what I haven’t been able to keep my mind off for weeks on end was him. If only he knew that he’s all that engulfs my mind.

“Who’s the guy?” He asked, as I felt his body shift ever so slightly closer to mine, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as he noticed my stiffness.

“You don’t know him.” I mumbled, staring down at my feet as I felt his breath fan my face slightly, the redness of my cheeks still prominent though I tried to ignore the heat radiating out of them.

“Describe him to me then.” He said, in a teasing manner. Part of me felt that Graham told Damon that it was him, and knowing Graham he probably would’ve done that since he was one of the many who believed that we would’ve been good together since we acted like it. But I wasn’t planning on jumping to any conclusions just yet.

“Uhh well…” I felt my cheeks heat up a bright red again as I looked in Damon’s direction, quickly snatching his beer off the coffee table and taking a sip of it to calm my nerves. “He’s got blond hair, blue eyes…” At this point I was staring deeply into Damon’s eyes, full-well knowing I was redder than ever, hell, I was a tomato. However, as I stared at him, I thought of all the possibilities and chances I would be able to mention to him that I developed feelings for him, and chances that would be handed to me easily. At most, I would probably be forced to go up to him and tell him myself that I liked him, which I had no courage in doing so in fear of absolute rejection. Though the fear of rejection still resonated in my mind deeply, there was definitely no way out of Damon and his questioning - he wanted to know everything, and he wanted to know it all now.

“Hmm… Sounds familiar,” he began, the smirk on his face not leaving any second. “Don’t suppose this crush has a name, does he?”

The next few seconds felt as if they had been stilled. Every single thought that I could have ever mustered in my mind joined themselves together, making my mind and body feel as if the moment we were living in was not real, at all. I felt breathless, ironic to the fact that I had been exhaling large clouds of smoke in the room, but I suppose even when breathing, you can still have your breath taken away from the sight before you. It felt as if I was in a haze, a drunken stupor, a lucid dream that felt far too realistic, but I had never thought that this moment would ever occur in mine and Damon’s time living together, or even in a child-like fantasy, or ever. Our faces were inches apart, my eyes constantly flicking through his bountiful orbs and smooth lips, his eyes fixated on mine, as if he was searching for something. Something to tell him that his suspicions were correct.

“It’s you for god’s sake.” I mumbled before eagerly conjoining my lips with his. I felt as if I rushed myself into it, the feeling enrapturing my mind, my body, and especially my heart. There was no other moment I had felt equated to this as our bodies embraced one another’s, the pair of us slowly allowing what was happening to melt into our minds. My heart was pounding as if my life had depended on it, my mind raced with thoughts so anxious but elated as both our bodies allowed our mouths to brush past one another’s until we were at a loss for breath. Love had never felt so strong, love had never carried this much emotion, this much integrity. I felt as if there was nothing else I had needed other than this moment to characterise its virtue, the intimacy shared overstimulated my emotions, for I felt like balling into tears at this juncture - not out of sadness, but out of pure admiration and alleviation that all this tension over the past couple months was real, that the love we had for each other was real, and not some fantasy that I invoked in my mind. Parting away from him, my eyes were fixated on his features - there was nobody else on this planet that could make me feel such emotion than him.

“You’re still blushing, love.”

#damon albarn x reader #damon albarn #blur #blur band #britpop #my writing #band imagines #90s #90s music #nineties #fluff

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just-jordie-things · 3 years

Text

(Please Don’t) Leave Me Alone - Richie Tozier

word count: 3142 warnings: swearing, mentions of being drugged summary: maybe richie ignoring you had more reason to it than you thought. maybe he was just... jealous? ___

Looking back on it now, going to a party by herself was probably the worst idea (y/n’s) ever had. Not because she disliked parties, she loved them, but she’d always gone in a group, or with a friend. Tonight, she’d gone completely alone.

She’d thought it would be exciting, she could do whatever she wanted, and stay as late or leave as early as she pleased, not having to wait for a friend hooking up with a stranger or a ride home. She could drink to no end and meet new people- it was a good idea, in theory.

Except now, she was trapped between a rock and a hard place. Meaning the wall, and Steven Matson’s arm. Earlier the attention had been welcomed, she didn’t mind being flirted with by a cute guy, it’d been a while since anyone had flirted with her, honestly, so it was very welcomed.

There was once a time where she didn’t really have to worry about that kind of attention, because she used to always get it from-

“Want me to get you another drink?” The boy in front of her asked, shaking her thoughts.

“Hm? Oh,” She nods, handing him her empt cup. “Yeah, sure, thanks”

He grins in response before leaving. And she doesn’t realize that she’s been holding her breath until she sighs, and slumps back against the wall.

Steven’s not that exciting, she realizes. He’s been chatting her ear off for the past- who knows, hour, maybe? And she couldn’t recall a single thing he’d said. It wasn’t due to the alcohol either. He was just that simple.

He wasn’t ugly, though.

Running her hands through her hair, she wished that she had a tie to pull it back, because it was suddenly very hot in the room, and it was all she could focus on. The smell of sweat from dancing and bustling bodies, and how much heat they generated in this small room. She wanted to head outside for a breath of fresh air, but there was no way she could make it out and back in time to see Steven.

She made a glance towards the door, just out of curiosity, to see if she could run there and back. But her eyes landed elsewhere.

On a tall, curly mop of haired figure that had just wandered in.

Richie’s eyes met hers, and she darted her gaze elsewhere with an inhumane speed.

Richie Tozier was her best friend, or at least he used to be. In the past month he’d been shutting her out, until eventually he was more of a ghost than a friend at all. She didn’t know what she did, or what happened that made him not want to hang out with her anymore, but it was no use trying to ask, because anytime she tried to talk to him, he’d vanish.

At first it was heartbreaking, because she’d known him for so long, and she thought that they were close enough to talk through any rough patch they could go through. But as time went on and Richie pushed himself further away, (y/n) only became annoyed, and was a bit more eager to let him do whatever he wanted.

And if he wanted nothing to do with her, then fine. She wasn’t going to beg him to stay.

Even though she really, really wanted to.

“Hope you didn’t miss me too much”

(y/n) nearly jumped when Steven appeared in front of her, one arm caging her in while he handed her a drink. She gave him a short, weak smile, and backed herself up until the wall wouldn’t allow her to move away any further. The flaw in this plan, however, is that Steven just followed, and the space between them was even shorter.

“Course not” She mumbled back, and was about to take a drink from her cup, before she noticed the strange fizzing at the bottom.

Great. He spiked it with something.

She let out a soft sigh, lifting the cup to her lips and pretending to take a sip, so that he wouldn’t realize she caught on to his dumb scheme.

Tonight couldn’t have gone more terribly.

“So, whaddya say you and I go somewhere else?”

(y/n) looked up at him, eyes bored, and a eyebrow raised as if to say ‘really?’.

“Somewhere, huh?” She hums, only for her own entertainment. “Like where?”

“Well we could go upstairs…” He suggested, leaning in closer. It took a lot of energy for her not to shrink away.

God his breath smelled like beer.

“Or to my car out front,” He continued. “Or honestly, we could just-”

“Alright pal,” (y/n) pushed her hand into his arm, and began to shove him away so she could leave. “It’s not happening”

With that, she began to walk off, tossing her drugged drink to the ground carelessly.

“Wait wait wait,” Steven spun around, snatching her arm in his hand so she’d stop. “But all night you-”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She snapped at him, yanking her arm to get it of his hold, but he was much stronger than her. “Steven let go-”

“You’re such a fucking tease, (y/n),” He snarled, the playful and flirty voice long gone. “Leading me on all night long, and now you’re acting like you don’t want this”

There’s a split second where she’s genuinely afraid of him, because his grip is unrelenting, and the look in his eyes suggests that he doesn’t care whether she gives in willingly or not.

And as soon as the idea of yelling for help crosses her mind, the feeling is gone.

Because she’s torn away from Steven’s hold, and there’s a secure hold around her waist.

“Why don’t you fuck off, Matson” A voice mutters.

All of the fear she’d previously felt disappeared, and it’s replaced by the surprise of having Richie right there next to her, keeping her firmly held against his side.

He’s being protective.

Steven rolls his eyes, obviously not giving a shit about Richie’s little display. He scoffs, glancing from Richie to (y/n).

“Come on, why don’t you tell your little guard dog here that you can speak for yourself, and that he can go and fuck off now?” Steven asks.

(y/n) scoffs, staring at him with disgust, and honestly, she should spit on him. She wants to spit on him, fuck she really wants to step forward and spit right on his face-

“Matson, I swear to fucking god, if another shitty fucking thing comes out of your mouth, I’ll break it,” Richie’s hand is tightening on her hip, and he’s pushing her behind him a bit. “Seriously, walk away”

He’s practically growling, and even when they were friends she’d never seen him so… angry.

“Richie fucking Tozier why are you here being a buzzkill?” Steven spat out, taking a daring step forward. “She clearly doesn’t even give a shit about you, so why don’t you just-”

The loud crack of skin on skin was a sharp echo, and anyone in a five foot radius could hear the burning sensation on Steven’s cheek.

(y/n) was panting, and she shook out her hand, because the slap stung her palm more than she thought it would.

“Fuck you” She muttered to the boy who was holding his cheek and whining like a baby.

She cast a glance towards Richie for a short moment, before shoving past him and making her way to the door. She was done with this night, this party, she just wanted to go home and curl up into a ball under her blankets and forget all of this had happened.

Of course, she wasn’t able to leave that easy, and as soon as she walked out the door, someone hollered for her.

She looked back at Richie, before shaking her head, and continuing her trek.

“What do you want?” She muttered, leaving him no choice but to chase after her in order to catch up.

She barely even looked at him.

“Jesus, (y/n/n), give me some credit, I’m here to make sure you’re okay”

“Wow,” She rolls her eyes. “Thanks. Really,”

Her voice is monotone, so he knows she doesn’t mean it, and it’s annoying, but she continues before he can come up with some witty snap back remark.

She stops in her tracks, whirling around and shoving an accusatory finger into his chest. He stumbles backward, caught off guard from the sudden action, but he catches his footing, left to watch her explode.

“Thanks for showing up, and for being there. Wow, Richie. Just… wow”

It’s more of a simmer than an explosion, but it feels just as bad.

(y/n) starts to walk off again, but Richie just runs up to her side again.

“For fucks sake (y/n)- will you pause for just a second-?”

“No!” She shouts, shaking her head furiously. “No, Rich, I won’t, I’m not going to- I- I can’t wait for you anymore, I’m tired of waiting for you,” Her voice cracks, and he knows that if she starts crying right now, then he’s going to break. “So can you please just… just go back to icing me out because it was honestly easier”

She sniffles, and turns away to walk home in peace. It hurts to walk away but she’s just so tired of his bullshit. Never before had her own body felt so heavy, each step making her bed more and more enticing.

Richie didn’t say anything, but he kept walking next to her.

She looked up at him, teary eyes narrowed, and her brow furrowed in a glare, but Richie just shrugged his shoulders.

“Well I’m not gonna let you walk yourself home alone at this time of night,” He said, and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “So you’ll just have to put up with me for the next ten minutes”

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes again, but doesn’t give him the benefit of a remark, opting instead to keep her mouth shut.

She makes it a whole minute before feeling compelled to say something.

“What were you even doing there?” She muttered out, wrapping her arms around herself tightly. “I thought you hated parties now”

He lets out a chuckle, earning another glare from the girl.

“To come save you, obviously,” He teases, which she definitely doesn’t appreciate. “I just thought I’d give it a shot, seeing as I had nothing else going on tonight”

She didn’t know what she wanted to hear, but that certainly wasn’t it. And Richie could tell, because she was frowning.

“Are you mad?” He asked with a chuckle.

“You did not just fucking ask me that” She mutters back.

“(y/n), you asked, what did you want me to say?” He asks, and she just scoffs.

“I didn’t need you to swoop in like some hero and rescue me, Richie,” She told him. “You might find this hard to believe, but I’ve actually learned to live on my own now thank you very much. And with that means I can protect myself, I don’t need you to-”

“Alright, I get it,” He mutters. “Your ‘standing back and doing nothing’ was your way of standing up for yourself,” He says, and before (y/n) can argue, he’s muttering again. “My apologies, I didn’t realize you had that handled. Which is why I came over to help your ass-”

“Alright, that’s enough-”

“-which would have been his, by the way, had I not intervened”

“Congratu-fucking-lations!” (y/n) shrieked. “Go ahead and pat yourself on the fucking back then. What do you want from me? Huh? Do you really think I would’ve let Steven fucking Matson have his way with me?”

“No, I don’t think that,” Richie mumbled. “But I didn’t like the way he was looking at you. Or grabbing you like that-”

“Wow,” (y/n) rolled her eyes. “I honestly didn’t think you still gave a fuck”

Richie looked down at her, but she’d rendered him speechless, so he didn’t say anything. He looked forward as they walked in silence for a little while longer.

It was silent until they got to her porch.

She looked up at him, with a sad sort of expression, like looking at him broke her heart. And quite frankly, it did.

“Thanks for walking me home, Richie,” She said in a soft mutter. “You can go back to forgetting about me now”

She turned to walk inside, but his hand stopped her. It wrapped around her wrist delicately, in a hold much more gentle than Steven had her in earlier. If she wanted, she could tug her arm away and go inside. If she wanted.

“For the fucking record,” Richie muttered down to her, voice so low it was almost in a growl like it had been earlier. “I wasn’t icing you out because I wanted to. You think I want to? For fucks sake (y/n), I couldn’t be around you anymore because I was so goddamn in love with you that it hurt being around you when you obviously didn’t feel the same way. You don’t know how much it fucking sucks being friendzoned by you. I thought it was going to be easier not having you around, than having you right in front of me, and out of reach,”

Her heart is pounding, and she could feel it everywhere. From her chest to her stomach to her through to her cheek to the very tips of her fingers- she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Richie had been in love with her? It was almost too good to be true, and normally she wouldn’t believe it, but she could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice, he’d never been more serious about anything.

“I’m sorry for doing it,” He continues. “But if I hadn’t, I would’ve lost my fucking mind”

“That’s such bullshit,” (y/n) mumbles, her breath hitching in her throat. “You shut me out because you had feelings for me?” She asks, and Richie furrows his brows, offended by the outburst. “Did you ever think about- I don’t know- just telling me?” She asks with a humorless laugh. “I mean, jesus Richie, we would’ve been together this whole fucking time, but instead you make me think that you hate me and you shut me out-”

“Hold on- stop- you liked me?” Richie asks, shocked by her off-handed confession.

“Liked you?” (y/n) repeats breathlessly. “Richie, I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, you fucking dumbass-”

She raises her hand up to shove him in the chest, but he captures it with his own before leaning over and kissing her. It’s sudden, so sudden that she trips on nothing but the sheer surprise of his lips on hers, but Richie’s arm wraps around her waist, securing her against him.

A sigh escapes her, one of content and safety, and she melts against him, almost becoming a puddle on her doorstep. The hand in his is held tightly against his chest, and the other is gripping his shoulder, keeping her balanced.

He kisses her again, quickly, before she can completely pull away. Just in case she decides to walk through her door and never look at him again.

When they part, it’s slow, and his hand flies up to cup her cheek, a quick but gentle action, and his thumb traces over her cheekbone with a featherlight touch.

Her eyes are still shut, and she blindly leans forward a bit, close enough that when she whispers, he feels it against his lips.

“Are you gonna go back to ignoring me?”

He chuckles, stealing another quick peck, before shaking his head.

She finally opens her eyes, and instantly, there’s a smile on her lips.

“I guess that depends, on if you want to go out with me tomorrow night?”

“To a party?” She asks.

“No, of course not,” Richie shakes his head. “Anything else, literally anything else” He murmurs, and she grins even wider, nodding her head.

“Yeah, yeah anything else sounds good to me” She agrees softly.

She’s still nodding, in a shaky sort of way, and Richie has to cup her face in both hands to get her to stop.

“Okay,” He hums. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow, then”

“Okay,” She repeats. “I’ll see you tomorrow”

He gives her a grin, before letting go of her, and stepping back.

“Alright then” He hums.

She watches him go, a delighted smile on her face. Her heart is still pounding in her chest, and she thinks it might never stop.

“Wait, Rich,”

She calls when he’s descended her front steps, and she’s quick to race up to him, wrap her arms around him, and lean over the few inches that she’s towered above him, and kiss him one more time.

His arms encircle her waist, holding her flush against his chest. She’s on her tiptoes on the step, and one of her feet lifts off the ground, both from the bliss and from Richie picking her up, just a little bit.

“I just wanted one more,” She murmured, and Richie laughed, kissing her quickly once more, and then again. “Okay, Romeo,” She sighed. “You better go home before my parents come out and see us”

“Fine, fine,” He sighed, and backed away, reluctantly releasing her from his arms. “Tomorrow”

“Tomorrow” She says back.

She combs her fingers through his hair for a second, before turning and actually heading inside.

With a content sigh, she leans her back against the front door, eyes falling shut as her mind wandered to the events of the night. It was ridiculous, how quick of a turn things went. And now, she was going to see Richie tomorrow, for a date. She couldn't believe it.

“Who was that boy?” A voice asked, making her perk up, and realize her mother had been waiting there at the door.

“Richie,” (y/n) replied. “He walked me home”

“Richie your friend?” Her mother replied. “You’re friends again?”

(y/n) grinned, nodding her head.

“Well, I’m going to bed,” She said. “G’night, mom-”

“You’re dating this boy, now?”

“Richie,” (y/n) reminded, pausing on the steps to look down at her. “And yes, I- I think I am”

Her mother shakes her head, and lets out a small scoff.

“Really, (y/n)? Of all your options-”

“Oh, fuck off,” (y/n) laughs, trying not to listen too closely to the harsh words. “Don’t go acting like you give a shit now”

She ascends the stairs, and forgets about her mother’s cruel idea of parenting. It won’t matter tomorrow, though. So she thinks about tomorrow. Because she’s gotten Richie back, and he’s all hers now.

___

taglist: @thegr8kush

xoxo ~ jordie

#it 2017 #it 2019 #it fanfiction #richie tozier #richie tozier x reader #richie tozier scenario #richie tozier imagine #richie tozier fanfiction #finn wolfhard #finn wolfhard x reader #bill hader

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hpimaginesandblurbs · 4 years

Note

hehehe hiii i was wonderinggg what if you were dating ron but he got jealous of you flirting with lee jordan so hes fucking you pretty roughly to remind you who you belong to and lee walks in and it turns into a threesome but ends w ron breeding you?

heheh sorry if thats alot

pairing: ron weasley x reader x lee jordan

warning(s): 18+, unprotected sex, threesome, oral (male receiving), rough sex, dirty talk, degradation, praise, breeding kink, cumplay

word count: 2.3k

a/n: ron just makes me weak. he’s probably my number two guy in the harry potter universe right behind draco. and you can’t convince me he’s not a dom. he is. he’s daddy. anyways, this request literally blew me away and the addition of lee was just so good. i just hope i did it justice. enjoy!

It was the Gryffindor party of the year. The streamers were out, the Wealsey twins’ fireworks were exploding left and right, and the alcohol was flowing. You boyfriend, Ron, had just helped lead Gryffindor into winning what seemed like their millionth consecutive Quidditch Cup so him, along with the rest of the team, seemed to be the stars of the show.

While the team was making their rounds, you stuck close to Lee Jordan, the twins’ best friend and the best Quidditch commentator around. You weren’t flirting exactly, but it was nice to have the attention of a man when your boyfriend was busy. Little did you know, Ron was keeping a close eye on you.

“You look smokin’ tonight,” Lee told you genuinely, a drunk smile slapped on his face.

“Thanks, you clean up nice yourself,” you said back, nudging into his side gently.

Lee swung an arm over you and dipped his head low to whisper in your ear. “Too bad you have a boyfriend or you’d be coming upstairs with me tonight.”

“Maybe I’d like that,” you added suggestively, scooting closer to him on the small couch by the fire.

“Speak of the devil,” Lee said ominously, nodding his head in the direction of Ron, who was making his way over to you swiftly.

He had to dodge a few people who wanted to drink with the winning Keeper himself, but he finally made him way over to you and grabbed your hand, hoisting you up off the couch without a word. Next thing you knew, you were being dragged through the party and up to his dormitory.

“What are you doing?” You asked giggling, unclear just why he was dragging you up here.

“I could ask you the same,” he said once you made it through the door. He released your hand and spun around to face you and you could see the anger written clear as day over his face. “What the fuck was that downstairs?” He demanded.

“I was just having a chat with Lee. What’s wrong with that?” You asked indignantly.

“‘Just having a chat’”, he mocked. “You were two seconds away from fucking him right infront of everyone!”

“Ron, you know I’d never do that. Don’t be like this,” you pleaded, even though a part of you knew you were in the wrong. But the facts were your boyfriend was ignoring you for a better part of the night and Lee looked really good.

“It seems to me like someone needs a reminder about whose pussy this is,” Ron said, grabbing you by your waist harshly and using one hand to cup your core through your leggings. All you could do was whimper before he attacked your lips with his, backing you up until you collapsed down onto his bed.

“Tell me who fucking owns you, Y/N,” he demanded, quickly beginning to strip you of your clothes.

“You. You do,” you told him, trying to make him see reason before he absolutely destroyed you and you couldn’t walk for a week. But it looks like no matter what you did it would be no luck.

Next thing you knew, your pants were around your ankles and your lace underwear was being pushed to the side as he lined his cock up with your core, already wet from a full night of being horny and desperate for cock.

“Care to explain to me what my little slut is doing this wet? I know it’s not from me,” he commented, his eyes burning with fire.

“I wanted you all night, Ron. Please,” you begged helplessly, although you knew it made little difference.

A large hand came down to smack your clit forcing your body to jerk and for you to let out a yelp. “Don’t fucking lie to me. I know you’re wet because you’ve been practically dry humping Lee all night. Guess it’s just my job to remind you whose cock makes you cum,” he said roughly, plunging his cock into you in one harsh thrust.

You let out a cry and gripped his arms, nails digging into his biceps and feeling them flex beneath your fingertips. His thrusts were vicious, his cock so deep inside of you that you could feel it in your stomach. He was hitting your g-spot with every roll of his hips, his pelvis rubbing against your clit and making you moan loudly.

“Fuck, Ron. You feel so good,” you cried out, wanting to prove to him how much you needed him - not any other man.

“Good, take it. Then we’ll see if you even dare to look at another guy when I bring you back down there,” he growled out, his hand coming up to wrap around your throat.

Just as you let out another loud moan, the noise of the door creaking open caused both your heads to snap in its direction. Ron immediately went to cover you before he realized who it was, a smirk growing on his face. Without taking his eyes off the person in the doorway, he spoke directly to you. “You wanted Lee’s cock so bad, huh bunny? Well now’s your chance,” Ron said, tilting his head to invite your guest in.

Ron pulled out of you just as Lee came into your vision and you swallowed harshly, unsure how to go about this. “Hi gorgeous,” Lee said with a wink, coming around to the other side of the bed.

Suddenly, Ron flipped you over roughly, completely manhandling you until you were on all fours - your core exposed for Ron and your mouth right in line with Lee’s cock, the bulge obvious in his pants.

You felt Ron’s cock trailing through your slit just as Lee went to undo his pants and you were simply trapped between the two men, no other choice but to comply with what was happening. Not that you were complaining either exactly. If anything, the entire situation made you that much wetter.

“Go on bunny. I wanna watch you suck his cock while I fucked you,” Ron encouraged, continuously just dipping the tip of his cock into you and pulling back out, making you squirm.

Finally, Lee had his cock out of his briefs and was stroking it languidly in front of your face, waiting for you to take the bait. Hesitantly, you opened your mouth and wrapped your lips around the tip, causing both boys to let out a groan that reverberated around the room.

Ron rocked into you roughly, forcing your whole body forward and your mouth to engulf Lee’s entire cock. You gagged around him, his hands coming to grip your hair to keep you down until you couldn’t breath before he let you back up.

“She feels so good, mate,” Lee commented to Ron over your body as if you weren’t even there. You were just their plaything right now, and that was something you could do well.

“Trust me, I know,” Ron said, a cockiness in his voice that wasn’t usually there caused by how turned on he was seeing you pleasure another man. He knew all too well what you were capable of. “You hear that bunny? Keep making us feel good,” Ron coaxed, his hips returning back to their fast pace from earlier, rocking your whole body up and down on both of their cocks.

“Doing so good gorgeous. Fuck, look at you,” Lee mused, his fingers trailing down your face.

Your eyes flicked up to his and you had to let out a moan at how dominant Lee looked above you. You were relishing in being dominated by these two men who turned you on so much. It was the perfect culmination of the events of the night and the coil in your stomach was growing tighter and tighter with each passing moment.

You doubled down with enthusiasm on Lee’s cock, wanting to get him as close as possible before your inevitable release that was creeping up on you far too quickly.

“Look at my little filthy slut. You fucking love this don’t you, Y/N? You love showing someone else how filthy you can be for me, huh?” Ron asked, leaning down so his chest was pressed to your back and his lips were trailing along your shoulders. You tried your best to nod, but Ron gripped a chunk of your hair and pulled you off of Lee’s cock easily. “Use your words, bunny,” he said roughly, his thrusts never faltering.

“Yes, fuck. I love it. Fuck, I’m so close, Ron please,” you exlaimed through unashamed moans, voice trailing off into a whine the longer he held your head back.

“You think she deserves to cum tonight?” Ron asked Lee pointedly, once again going back to ignoring your presence despite how much pleasure you were giving both of them.

“Not sure, she was a naughty little thing tonight,” Lee mused, his cock rocking in and out of your mouth as he spoke. He seemed like he was totally unaffected as he continued. “She told me that if she didn’t have a boyfriend she would have come up here with just me tonight, isn’t that right gorgeous?” Lee informed Ron, teasing you in the process.

“Course she did,” Ron said, the annoyance heavy in his tone.”She’s just a little whore who wants attention, isn’t that right?” He asked, a hand coming down with a loud crack on your ass, a yelp fighting to come out of your throat as you gagged around Lee again.

“Ron, please,” you begged, panting harshly.

“You better fucking wait and hold it until I fill you up, do you understand me?” Ron asked, his hand snaking around your throat again. You could only whimper before Lee’s cock went right back into your mouth, hard and heavy on your tongue as you worked your hardest to get him off before you.

Your legs were trembling on the bed and the only reason you were still upright at all was because of Ron’s unwavering grip on your hip and throat.

You could tell Lee was close when you felt him twitch on your tongue, and it was only a moment after that you tasted his cum explode inside your mouth while he groaned your name. You continued your ministrations until he pulled out, waiting until he made eye contact with you before you swallowed it all down harshly. “Fuck,” Lee mumbled, looking down at you in awe.

“Such a good slut, swallowing him all down like that,” Ron commented, having felt the way your throat bobbed underneath his hand. He was only pounding harder, making it that much harder for you to hold off your inevitable orgasm and your whole body was trembling and sweating now.

“Please,” you whined again, out of breath and desperate for release.

“Tell me what you want, bunny. Use those pretty words,” Ron mused, pulling you up by your throat until you were both balanced on your knees on the best with his chest pressed closely against your back.

You turned to look at him, back in your bubble of just you and him, before you began to beg in earnest. “Ron please, cum in me. Need to feel it. Fill me up, please,” you begged, your hips grinding back into his with every thrust.

“Fuck, bunny,” Ron rasped out, growing close to his own release. “Cum for me and I’ll fill you so deep. You’ll be dripping for fucking hours when I’m done,” he said, spewing promises and permission all in one breath.

You came with a cry, vision going white as your body exploded. You were trembling in his arms, incoherent noises falling from your lips and your eyes squeezed shut. When you felt his cum filling you up, it was almost like a second orgasm going through you, your body tensing and releasing again with such a force that you thought you were going to collapse. You were so full of it that it was leaking out around his cock, trailing down your legs and onto the sheets. You rode out both your orgasms, your hips grinding down on his cock until you couldn’t take it anymore, falling back against his chest.

When your hooded eyes finally found Lee’s form again, he looked like he’d just seen a goddess in the flesh. “You look incredible when you cum, gorgeous,” Lee praised, unable to take his eyes off of you.

You gave a breathless chuckle, unable to give either of them any words right now.

Ron caught his breath well before you and pulled out, letting his cum leak from your and down your legs. He gently pushed you forward until your hips were raised so he could watch it spill out, trailing his fingers around your slit to collect as much of his own cum as he could.

Lazily, he brought his fingers up to your mouth. He didn’t even have to prompt you, you immediately took his fingers into your mouth and sucked off every last drop. His eyes glazed over again, already ready for round two, but Lee spoke up before either of you got carried away.

“That was fucking incredible,” he said, making your eyes snap back to him. He was already redressed completely and clearly wanting to give you two some space. “If you ever want a third again, you know where to find me,” he added with a wink before departing from the room, causing you and Ron to chuckle.

“Was that all okay with you?” Ron asked hesitantly. “I know you would have said something but I never really asked,” he said, sounding guilty.

“That was fucking incredible, Ron. I had fun and you know I trust Lee,” you told him genuinely. “But I really just want you to myself now,” you said, a playful smile coming to your face as he laid down beside you.

“Good cause I don’t think I’d be up to sharing you again for a while. You’re my girl. My perfect, slutty girl.”

#harry potter #ron weasley smut #ron weasley #ron wealsey imagine #ron wealsey headcannon #ron weasley drabble #lee jordan #lee jordan smut #lee jordan imagine

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spine-buster · 3 years

Text

Patience is a Virtue ft. Matthew Tkachuk | 𝒯𝑒𝓂𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒

CONTENT WARNING: this story deals with cults, polygamous cults, escaping cults, strict adherence to religion, gender roles, abuse, miscarriage, and a character with a traumatic past. ̲𝖳̲𝗁̲𝗂̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖼̲𝗁̲𝖺̲𝗉̲𝗍̲𝖾̲𝗋̲ ̲𝗌̲𝗉̲𝖾̲𝖼̲𝗂̲𝖿̲𝗂̲𝖼̲𝖺̲𝗅̲𝗅̲𝗒̲ ̲𝗁̲𝖺̲𝗌̲ ̲𝗆̲𝖾̲𝗇̲𝗍̲𝗂̲𝗈̲𝗇̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗇̲𝖽̲ ̲𝖽̲𝖾̲𝖺̲𝗅̲𝗌̲ ̲𝗐̲𝗂̲𝗍̲𝗁̲ ̲𝗍̲𝗋̲𝖺̲𝗎̲𝗆̲𝖺̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗋̲𝗂̲𝗌̲𝗂̲𝗇̲𝗀̲ ̲𝖿̲𝗋̲𝗈̲𝗆̲ ̲𝗆̲𝗂̲𝗌̲𝖼̲𝖺̲𝗋̲𝗋̲𝗂̲𝖺̲𝗀̲𝖾̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗇̲𝖽̲ ̲𝗌̲𝖾̲𝗑̲𝗎̲𝖺̲𝗅̲ ̲𝖺̲𝖻̲𝗎̲𝗌̲𝖾̲.̲ Please be warned.

Word Count: 15,503

A/N: I have been loving your feedback on this story so far. Your canon question about Matthew and Effie are great and I would love to hear and answer more. It means the world to me that a plot this...unconventional, let’s say, is really taking hold and generating interest. I know that there’s some really, really serious stuff dealt with in the chapters, so I appreciate everyone’s feedback and maturity about it. As always, please check the content warning for this chapter. Otherwise, I hope everyone enjoys the update!

* * * * *

She wrote every message on Instagram like an email, and Matthew couldn’t get enough of it.

Hello Matthew,

Today was interesting. I started classes for my business certificate today. I sat in a room with about 50 other people and I listened to my professor speak about the course prospectus and what we would be learning and doing. I didn’t meet any new people or make any new friends but that’s okay. I want to focus on my studies. I already have homework.

How has St. Louis been? I bet you are excited to be back home. I hope you are relaxing and staying safe.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

I know you are going to ace that program, Effie. You’re very talented and smart and it’ll be no time until you find yourself with a certificate and able to explore more job opportunities.

St. Louis is good. Brady and Taryn are home too so it’s good to be surrounded by family. I know it’s not the same for you but one day I think you will find a group of friends that will make up your family. Most days I go golfing with my dad. I usually relax by our pool too, or play basketball or some other sport with Brady. I go to the gym too, to keep up on my fitness for next season.

Hello Matthew,

Class was good today. We started the beginning lectures. The professor went quickly but I was able to keep up. I’m definitely learning how to type fast on my laptop!

You said in your message that I’m very talented but I don’t think I’m talented. I’m maybe talented at some things like baking, but I don’t think I’m talented in much else. Talents are developed over time and I was never given the opportunity to develop anything because I was expected to be a good wife, tend to children, and read the Bible. Sometimes I think about if I could have been a piano player or a singer or something creative. Maybe I could have been a writer like Geneviève if I was given the opportunity young, but I wasn’t. But that’s okay. I am trying to make my peace with it. I will develop what I have now and try to use it for good.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Nobody bakes like you, Effie. Please don’t think you are not talented, because you are. I know you weren’t able to develop anything like you said, but you can still find your talents now. You’re still young! You’re only entering your 20s in a few weeks. You can do whatever you set your mind to.

Hi Matthew,

Levi and Jenna took me to the mall again today. We bought some new clothes that fit me better and aren’t so baggy. They look really nice. I even bought a dress that falls right at my knee. Can you believe it?! I never thought I’d wear something like that. I never thought anybody else would be able to see my legs! It’s a very weird feeling but it’s a very pretty dress. Jenna said I should wear it for my birthday and I think I’m going to do it. Do you want to see it? I can send you a picture of it if you want.

I checked the weather in St. Louis and saw there was a big thunderstorm. I hope you weren’t caught it in or anything. I can’t imagine your curly hair getting wet in the rain and what it would look like.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

What are you trying to say about my hair??????????

I would love to see your dress. I bet it looks great on you. And you will need to send me pictures of you wearing it on your birthday.

They happened daily. Usually sometime after dinner, when Matthew knew Effie had just finished eating and was either winding down for the night or preparing to do homework. Every day, he waited for the message. And every day, he’d grab his phone the second he heard the notification, not bothering to wait, and read the message eagerly.

***

Matthew found himself at a raucous house party, one that could have been characteristic of any stereotypical college experience or American movie trying to depict a traditional American life. It felt like it was straight out of the American Pie movies. A friend of his was hosting, and there was everything – beer kegs, jungle juice, trashed guys jumping into the pool, music blasting so loud Matthew almost couldn’t hear his own thoughts, girls taking selfies and posting to Instagram or complaining about boys at the party not paying attention to them.

Hot girls taking selfies and posting to Instagram or complaining about boys – he and Brady – not paying attention to them.

Brady was taken and accounted for – Emma was great and Matthew loved her, even though he saw her only sparingly – and so most of the attention tonight was placed on Matthew. He was the shiny new toy every time he came back to St. Louis in the summers – well, shiny always, but new not so much. Nothing was new about him being in St. Louis in the summer, but everybody always treated is as such a big deal because he spent most of the year in Calgary. That’s why attention was always on him, especially at parties like this. That’s why everybody wanted to talk to him. That’s why all the girls wanted to talk to him. Matthew didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to enjoy his night with his buddies, drinking beer and chatting them all up.

That was…until Leah made an appearance.

Leah, a girl. Leah, a girl he would hook up with in the summers…occasionally. Sporadically. Like, once a summer when he was back. Maybe twice. She’d always show up everywhere and smile and be nice. And when Matthew was tipsy, or just a little bit drunk, he’d think ‘What the hell’ and let the night take him where it wanted to take him.

Just like now.

“Hey Matty,” she cooed, smiling as she always did and biting the bottom of her lip. She went in for a hug, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He could swear she spilled some of her jungle juice on his neck.

“Hey Leah,” he said, his lips in a tight smile as she pulled away. She was wearing a frilly crocheted top and cut-off denim shorts. She looked hot. Any guy at the party would have wanted to hook up with her. “How are you?”

“Better now that I see you,” her flirting was automatic. “How long have you been back for?”

“A few weeks,” Matthew shrugged his shoulders.

“And no call or text? Ouch, Matty.”

“You always show up places,” he found himself saying, feeling his lips curve into a smirk. “Didn’t think I needed to call.”

“Well then maybe I should have sent you a text.”

The party went on. Matthew hung out with his buddies and talked up a storm. Everybody got a kick out of his hockey stories and were practically begging for more. He’d catch Leah staring at him from a few friend groups away where she stayed with her girlfriends, or from across the backyard or something, and she’d always bite her lip and flutter her eyelashes. The beers kept pouring down his throat and he noticed her get closer and closer until she wiggled her way in with her friends. It probably took a while, but in Matthew’s mind, it felt like it was only a minute until she was right in front of him, red solo cup in her hand.

“Have you tried the jungle juice?” she asked.

He shook his head. “I’ve been drinking beer all night.”

“Come get some inside with me,” she said, already grabbing his hand. She wasn’t taking no for an answer. She pulled him as he staggered behind her, almost tripping on the steps of the patio and while walking through the screen door. When they finally got to the kitchen, Leah looked over her shoulder and winked before tugging Matthew nearer to her body. She spun around in front of the jungle juice to pour some more into her cup. When she did, Matthew could feel her ass up against his groin. He felt like he was going to pass out from the beer.

“Did you miss me, Matty?” she asked as she looked at him over her shoulder again.

“I miss everyone in St. Louis,” he replied.

Leah apparently didn’t like that response, because she grinded her ass up against his groin even harder now. “Don’t say that,” she cooed. “I know you miss me. It’s not like there’s anybody in Calgary like me.”

Matthew hummed. She was right. There wasn’t anybody like her in Calgary.

Effie was nothing like her.

Matthew’s stomach twisted as images of Effie flooded his mind. The first one that came was the day he had picked her up at the hairdresser’s when she’d chopped off all her hair. She looked so cute, and he remembered how bashful he was. Then came the image of her sitting on another couch watching Little Women intently, at least fifteen bags of candy spread out on the coffee table of Levi’s basement. She was so into watching the movie, and he was so into watching her. Then came the image of her face, sweet and innocent and beautiful – the last face he saw in Calgary before heading to the airport and boarding a plane to St. Louis. “No,” he mumbled out, half-drunk and heart aching.

“No,” Leah repeated with a smile on her face, turning around finally to face him before trailing her finger down his chest and letting in linger on the hem of his jeans. “There’s nobody in Calgary like me.”

He furrowed his brows. He wanted out, but his feet felt like cement. They always were when he was on the edge of being drunk. He gulped. “Where’s Brady?”

“Come with me, Matty,” she tugged at his jeans before grabbing his hands again and dragging him through the house. She kept looking over her shoulder to smile at him and he kept looking back towards the backyard. “I know what you need.”

She led him down a hallway, and at the end of that hallway was the bathroom. She turned on the light and dragged him inside, shutting the door behind them and locking it. She looked at him suggestively when the click filled the air. “Le—”

“Shhh…” she pressed her finger against his lips to shut him up, replacing them quickly with her lips as she began to kiss him.

Matthew closed his eyes.

These weren’t Effie’s lips.

She was kissing his neck now, and had backed him into the sink so he could lean against it. Her hands wandered down to the button and zipper of his jeans. Suddenly, she dipped down and was on her knees in front of him. “Want me to suck you off, Matty?”

“N—No,” he stuttered out, looking down at her. Matthew felt the zipper being pushed down and her hand on his groin.

“You can come down my throat,” she offered.

He closed his eyes tightly, and in the darkness, he saw only one person: Effie.

The only thing that brought him back – because he could have stayed alone in the bathroom with his eyes closed and the image of Effie in his mind for the rest of the God damn party if he really wanted to – was the sound of his zipper being pushed down dramatically. He opened his eyes. “Would you stop?!” he demanded, wiggling out of where he’d been backed into the sink. He grabbed the front of his pants and zipped them up again.

Leah, still on her knees, spun around and glared at him. “Oh you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” she got up slowly, not breaking eye contact. “You have someone in Calgary?” she demanded.

Matthew refused to answer as he did up his button.

“Who the fuck is she?” she demanded again.

“There’s nobody.”

“Fucking hell there’s nobody. What’s her name?”

“Don’t go there, Leah. As if I’d tell you.”

“You’re fucking someone in Calgary? Since when?”

“As if I’d tell you,” he repeated.

She gave him one last glare because unlocking the door. “Fuck you Matthew Tkachuk. You’ll fucking miss me.”

“Doubt it.”

***

Hi Matthew,

I went to a Starbucks today to work on some school work and people watch. When you get back to Calgary, we will need to find a new Starbucks because the one near Levi’s house is too far away now. Anyway, I was working on an assignment and watching people interact and go about their daily lives. It was eye-opening and a bit weird to me. A lot of people were on their phones! It makes me wonder if I should be on it more…? A lot of the girls who walked in were really fashionable and it makes me want to go shopping again. I don’t think I’ll ever look as good as Geneviève or Annica but I could definitely try, and they could help me. I learn a lot by people watching. Does that make me weird?

I had a Zoom call with Geneviève and Jacob in Sweden. She is doing well and helped me with my assignment a little bit. I’ve been baking shortbread recently, and I’m going to make butter tarts tomorrow. I miss you being my taste-tester, but I bet you are happy to have home cooking. Sometimes I wonder if my siblings miss my cooking but I doubt they do.

Did you think I was weird when I said I didn’t miss my family at all?

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

I do not think you are weird at all for not missing your family. They were abusive. You have no reason to miss them.

People are addicted to their phones these days, which is why you’re so refreshing. You’re not a slave to it…at least yet lol. I hurt my eyes sometimes from staring at my screen too long.

I can’t wait to eat ALL of your baking when I get back. It’s the best, Effie. It really is.

I miss you a lot.

Hi Matthew,

I miss you too.

Thank you for not thinking I’m weird for not missing my family.

I’ve been watching a lot of movies and listening to a lot of music. I’ve been researching what’s been popular since I was born and I’m trying to, like, catch up I guess. Some of the movies I don’t like or don’t get. Some of them are really funny, and I watched them because I know people quote them all the time. Like this movie called Bridesmaids. I want to be able to get references people make even though I wasn’t in the moment of them. There are some movies I’ve read about online that seem amazing, but I don’t want to watch them alone. They are:

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind Moonlight There Will Be Blood Shoplifters Brokeback Mountain The Master Unorthodox

When you come back to Calgary, would you watch them all with me?

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Of course I’ll watch them all with you.

***

Effie Schaffer woke up the morning of her 20th birthday, on July 7, 2021, to her phone ringing. Birthdays were not a thing in the People’s Dominion of Christ. They were not celebrated. Effie always knew when hers was, but as a kid she never had a birthday party, and when she was forced to marry the prophet, she hated her birthday. Hated it. She always wished that the prophet would forget about it but he never did. It was the one day of the year she spent the most time praying, and when she was not praying, she was with the prophet on his demand. Several weeks later, usually, after a lot of blood loss and visit from the cult’s midwife (though she wasn’t properly medically trained), Abraham would tell Effie that everything was her fault, that God was testing him when He spoke to Abraham and told him to take Effie as his wife. “July 7. 7/7. One number above the Devil,” he’d tell her. “That’s what you are. Just above the devil. Your blood and your loss are the signs of having the devil in you. That’s why you refuse to carry my Son of God.”

She wasn’t expecting anybody to call besides Levi and Jenna, but they said they would be picking her up at noon anyway. After she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up in bed a little bit, she was pleasantly surprised, albeit a little shocked, to see Matthew’s name flash across the screen. The giant FaceTime text was at the bottom of screen. Effie swiped to answer. After a bit of lagging, Matthew’s smiling face appeared. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” he screamed, loudly, causing her to jump slightly.

“Thank you, Matthew,” she said, her heartbeat going back to normal.

“How does it feel to officially be in your twenties?” he asked.

Effie could barely think, so she shrugged. “When I wake up and my brain starts working, I’ll tell you.”

Matthew furrowed his brows. It was only then that he noticed half of her hair in a scrunchie and the pillows behind her head. “Oh shit, I fucked up time zones, didn’t I?” he asked worriedly. “What time is it there?”

Effie looked at her watch. “It’s 7:30 in the morning.”

“I woke you up! Jesus Effie, I’m so sorry,” he began to apologize. “I’m such an idiot—”

“It’s okay, Matthew,” she said, smiling at how his own smile had faded from his face when he realized he had woken her up early. 7:30 in the morning would have been a godsend two years ago, when she usually woke up at 5:30. “It’s nice to be woken up by your voice on my birthday, actually. Someone is at least treating it like a birthday.”

“Levi’s gonna treat you,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. As if Levi wouldn’t.

“I know,” she said. “I mean, like…before. Birthdays weren’t exactly a celebration.”

“You never used to celebrate your birthday?” he asked, thinking back to all the amazing birthdays his parents had thrown he and his siblings over the years. Because his was so close to Christmas, it was extra special. His parents always made sure Christmas didn’t overshadow it too much. Same with Taryn being born on Halloween. Brady’s parties were always good too because they were right after the start of school, so usually the entire class would be invited.

“No,” Effie shook her head. Matthew was sort of waiting for her to elaborate, but it seemed like she didn’t want to. He left it at that. “Levi’s taking me to that steakhouse we went to for Noah’s birthday,” she informed him. “I think I’m gonna have another tomahawk.”

Matthew smiled again. “Please do, in honour of me.”

“Maybe I’ll take a picture of it to show you what you’re missing.”

“Believe me, I know what I’m missing,” he said. He bit his lip, wondering for a quick second if he should tell her about the gifts coming her way. He quickly decided against it, thinking it would be better left as a surprise. “I’m sorry I can’t be there, Effie.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Matthew,” she told him, meaning it sincerely. “It’s an amazing thing that you’re so close to them. I…believe me, I know how important that is…to be able to have people who love you unconditionally, to be able to have people who love you and want to see you and always have your best interests at heart. I would never want to take that away from you. And besides, when we watch all those movies together…you’ll be there. We’ll be reunited.”

He licked his lips, nodding quickly. “You bet.”

***

Matthew had been lying around the house all day after playing a round of golf with his dad that morning. He’d tanned by the pool with Taryn and ate straight from the bag of Veggie Straws, but he was pretty glued to his phone because he wanted to see the delivery updates for the gifts he’d gotten Effie for her birthday.

The first gift was a giant bouquet of flowers. Peonies, mostly, of course, because of her tattoo, set in a beautiful vase. He’d gotten the delivery notification, then about five minutes later he’d received a picture of it from Effie over Instagram saying thank you. Fifteen minutes later, she uploaded a photo of it to her Instagram feed and tagged him. ‘Beautiful bouquet of peonies from my friend Matthew! I am twenty years old today.’ was her caption. That was the first gift.

The second was a delivery of some cookies from an amazing bakery in Calgary that Annica and Geneviève always ordered from. The cookies were divine, but realistically, they weren’t better than Effie’s cookies. But Effie making cookies for her own birthday wasn’t exactly a gift, so he knew he’d have to order her a batch. Again, he’d gotten the notification that the cookies had been delivered, and ten minutes later, Effie had sent a selfie of her with one of the chocolate chip cookies. ‘Yum!’ she’d texted with the photo. Another notification on Instagram told him Effie had uploaded another photo and tagged him in it. ‘My friend Matthew gave me cookies too! How sweet! Cookies are some of my favourite treats.’ He absolutely loved her feed and the way she used Instagram. If he had to delete everyone else and just follow her, he’d do it.

The last gift was the trickiest. He didn’t know how she’d react. But she didn’t have one of her own – she’d been borrowing Jenna’s – and she needed one, quite literally, for her job. He wondered if she’d like the colour. And the make. And all the attachments.

A ‘MATTHEW, YOU DIDN’T’ text suddenly came through on his phone, and he couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear. It was the first time it didn’t sound like an email.

Do u like it? he texted back.

I LOVE IT IN THE PISTACHIO TOO MY FAVOURITE COLOUR AND THE SIFTER ATTACHMENT AND THE ICE CREAM MAKER ATTACHMENT MATTHEW!

Im happy u like it! Now u can bake all you want and not have to borrow Jenna’s

“Taryn, mom needs you inside to help with something,” Brady’s voice boomed through the silence of the backyard. Matthew heard the screen door burst open, and watched conspicuously through his sunglasses as Brady more or less barged towards them.

“Can she wait?” Taryn didn’t make any effort to move.

“Now Taryn. She seems pretty adamant,” Brady didn’t give up, his tone serious as he continued to walk towards them.

Taryn grumbled and got up from her seat. Matthew locked his phone and pretended not to care, even when Brady took Taryn’s place in her lawn chair right beside him and didn’t bother lying down. Instead, he sat facing Matthew, elbows on his knees and hands joined together, like he was a cop about to interrogate his brother. “Who’s in Calgary?”

Matthew looked over at him. “Huh?”

“Who’s in Calgary?” Brady asked again.

Matthew was confused. “G…Gio?” he asked.

“Who’s in Calgary that made you not hook up with Leah at the party?”

Matthew’s heart dropped in the pit of his stomach. For fuck sakes. He sighed deeply and took off his sunglasses, trying to make it seem like everything was being blown out of proportion when, really, Matthew just didn’t want people knowing. But he told Brady everything – everything. He was sort of impressed that the secret had lasted this long, if he was being honest. “Brady…” he began, his voice low.

Brady took off his sunglasses too. “There’s a girl.”

“Sort of. It’s complicated.”

“It’s complicated? What’s her name?”

Matthew thought about not telling him, but there was no point. Brady would find out eventually, and Matthew would rather Brady learn the news from him than from the rumour mill or from Leah stalking his social media. “It’s…Effie.”

“Effie?”

“Who’s Effie?” Taryn voice boomed. The boys whipped their head to see her standing at their family room’s sliding doors, hiding behind the screen door.

“Taryn!” both brothers yelled at their sister.

“Effie? Who’s Effie?” Chantal called out from the kitchen.

“What’s an Effie?” Keith asked from beside Chantal.

“Oh my GOD this is a disaster!” Matthew screamed out in frustration. “Get out of here, Taryn!”

“Who’s Effie?” Brady demanded once more.

Matthew put his heads in his hands dramatically before giving up. There was no way he was going to get out of this. Now his whole family would know. It would be a game of telephone, and by the end of his and Brady’s conversation, Keith would hear Matthew married a girl named Jessie who’d grown up in a hut. “You remember me talking about one of our physio guys? Levi Schaffer?” Matthew asked. Brady nodded. “His younger sister.”

Brady furrowed his brows. “Isn’t Levi in his thirties? You’re dating an older woman, Matthew?”

Matthew rolled his eyes. “No, you dolt. She’s fifteen years younger than he is.”

“SHE’S FIFTEEN?!”

“WHAT?!” Taryn screamed from the screen door again.

“AAAAAAARGHHHH!” Matthew screamed in absolute frustration. “You are literally the dumbest person alive, you know that right?!” he screamed at Brady.

“Matthew! Apologize to your brother!” Chantal called from the house, opening the screen door and stepping through into the backyard with Keith.

“But mom! He’s an idiot!”

“Matthew,” Keith’s voice bellowed. “Now.”

“Sorry,” Matthew grumbled. His parents always made the siblings do this stuff, ever since they were kids. “Can we just drop it all?” he asked.

“Nope. We’re all here now,” Brady said. “Who’s Effie?”

Matthew sighed heavily. “She’s a girl I met through my friend Levi at work.”

“What’s the big deal? Are you dating her?” Keith asked.

“No,” Matthew answered immediately, shaking his head. “No. We’re not dating. Not at all. She…” he began, trying to find the right words.

“She…” Brady egged on.

“She’s a bit…” Matthew began again. How was he going to tell them? How was he gonna word it? Should he sugar coat it or just come out and say it? “She’s a bit…different. She…she and Levi grew up in one of those, like, religious cults, out in rural Alberta. But a year and a half ago, she escaped, and she’s been trying to adjust to the real world ever since. I met her in January, at Noah’s birthday. And ever since, I’ve just been, like…helping her experience the normal world.”

The entire Tkachuk family was silent as they processed the information. They were definitely expecting a much different explanation from Matthew, that was for sure. “A religious cult, Matthew?” Chantal was the first to speak. Matthew nodded his head. Chantal grew serious. “Was she abused?”

Matthew hesitated, but he eventually nodded his head. It wasn’t his business to tell – he knew that – but he couldn’t lie to his own mother. “She could only wear dresses. She had to read the Bible all day. She was married at fourteen to the leader of the cult who was 55. That sort of thing,” he explained briefly, not wanting to give any more details.

Chantal looked concerned. Keith looked at his wife before looking back at his son. “So you’re not dating her, but you’re helping her learn about the real world,” Keith clarified. Matthew nodded again. Keith looked at Brady. “Then that’s none of our business! What’s the big deal?” he huffed.

“It’s not—”

“Why’re you busting his balls then?”

“Keith!” Chantal chastised.

***

Hi Matthew,

I still can’t believe you got me the stand mixer. I love it so much. It’s the only thing that I have out on my countertop because there’s no reason to hide it. And the pistachio colour is sooooooo beautiful. I promise that as a token of appreciation, I’m going to bake you whatever sweets you want when you get back to Calgary. Seriously. Anything you want. Even if I haven’t made it before. And I’ll make ice cream too!

I have been taking some walks around Calgary in my spare time. It’s a really beautiful city. Sometimes I will do my walks at night and see all the young people out at restaurants and bars and all the light are lit up downtown, and it’s even more beautiful. It’s so nice to see life in people. Everybody in the cult was so miserable. Maybe I’m just saying that because I was so miserable, but that’s how I remember it. Nobody was happy about life. Well, they weren’t happy about life like the people in downtown Calgary are on a Friday or Saturday night.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Calgary is definitely a beautiful city, and I’m happy that you’re starting to see that. Wait until you see even more of the country and the world one day! All of those young people that you see out and about are your age. I know you are probably very nervous to make new friends, but if you ever want to go out to one of those places, I’m sure Levi or Jenna would take you. When the team gets back into the city, I know any of the guys would take you too, just like when we went out for Andrew’s birthday. You just let us know when. And I apologize in advance for Noah’s behaviour.

I’m going to put in a request for snickerdoodles. My mom used to make them a lot growing up, but she doesn’t make them as much now because then I’d eat them all and get too pudgy.

Hi Matthew,

Snickerdoodles it is. I will perfect the recipe before you come back.

On top of movies, I’ve also been listening to music. Levi lets me use his Spotify. He also told me what an iPod is…was. Have you heard of Adele? She’s amazing! I love her voice. Most of the time I just let Spotify recommend me things and I end up liking them, but Levi introduced me to some bands too. Have you heard of Bruce Springsteen? Taylor Swift? The Tragically Hip? Red Hot Chili Peppers? They’re all so good. Red Hot Chili Peppers is Levi’s favourite band. I also really like listening to Coldplay. I think they’re my favourite out of all of them. But I also like dancing songs, like the songs that have a good beat. I wasn’t allowed to dance before (it was too sensual and would tempt the men) so now I feel like I should let it all out.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Dance your heart out Effie. Fuck them.

Fuck them.

***

Matthew was antsy. Antsy. The second the plane landed in Calgary, his leg was bobbing up and down to get off the plane, grab his bags, and go straight to Effie’s apartment.

It was the first time since he had lived in Calgary that he wanted to go anywhere but his apartment after a flight back to the city. But Effie had that effect on him these days. He hadn’t seen her in three months – almost four. And he was dying to. FaceTimes and Instagram-messages-formatted-as-emails could only do so much, and satisfy so much in his mind. He needed to see her, physically see her. He didn’t know what had happened to him in the past few months, especially since he and Effie had left on such a good note. No need to rush things. Take the time. But this entire summer, all Matthew could think about was her. All he dreamt about was her. He wondered if it was the same for her too. And he wondered, if it was, if she would admit it.

Once he got his bags from baggage claim, he hightailed it out of the airport and got into a taxi. He gave the driver Effie’s address, and within half an hour, he found himself with his suitcases at the foot of her apartment.

Okay, so maybe he didn’t think this through.

He hauled both of his suitcases up the staircase, most definitely putting chips in the wood steps along the way. It reminded him of moving her in to the place months ago, with him yelling at Sean for half of the day but ending with a slice of pie and his first kiss from Effie. He didn’t know what to expect now, but he knew that whatever he’d get, he’d be happy with. He knocked on her door and waited.

When Effie opened it, she looked confused because she wasn’t expecting anybody. But the second she saw Matthew’s face, her face lit up like a night show of fireworks. “Matthew!” she squealed, jumping on him and wrapping her arms tightly around his broad shoulders as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “What are you doing here?! You weren’t supposed to be back in Calgary for a few days!” the shock was still evident in her voice.

“Just thought I’d take an earlier flight out,” he said casually. “Gonna need to customize to the time change anyway.”

As if an hour was going to be a big shock to his system.

When Effie pulled away, she still kept her hands on his shoulders and he kept his hands at her waist. She’d gained more weight throughout the summer, thankfully, and filled out more. The pair of jeans she was wearing actually fit. The top she was wearing actually fit too – a simple navy-striped long sleeve. He was happy to see that. She’d been so frail when he met her in January. She looked like she had life in her now. “Have you even gone home?” she asked, looking down at his suitcases behind him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Uh…no,” he said awkwardly. “Can I bring them in? I just wanted to see you.”

Effie couldn’t help but gulp at his words. “I just wanted to see you.” Nobody had ever said those words to her before – not even her own mother, she thought. Nobody was ever happy to see her in the cult. But in the real world, Matthew was. “Yeah, come in,” she said, moving to remove her hands from his shoulders to give him more space to haul his suitcases into her entrance. He closed the door behind him when he was done, and that’s when the reality snapped back into Effie’s mind. “Oh no!” she exclaimed worriedly.

Matthew automatically got worried too. “Oh no what?”

“You came home early and I—I didn’t make your snickerdoodles!”

A smile automatically appeared on his face. “Effie, it’s okay,” he said softly, slipping off his shoes. “It’s not like I told you I was coming back to Calgary.”

The worried look didn’t leave her face. “Are you sure? I—I didn’t mean to forget. I actually made one batch but I thought they could be better for you so I was going to make another and—”

“Effie,” he said sternly, placing a hand over hers, which had bunched together nervously. “It’s alright. It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” she asked one more time.

“I’m positive,” he squeezed her hands gently. “Just gives me another excuse to come over again in a few days, really.”

A small smile crept on Effie’s face as she realized Matthew wasn’t angry. Usually, when something like this happened, the outcome was much different. She didn’t have to worry about that anymore. “Well come in then, come in,” she said, moving further into her apartment so Matthew could follow her. “D’you want something to drink?” she asked, already opening up her fridge.

“Tell me what you’ve been learning in school,” Matthew said instead, leaning against it. “I want to hear everything I missed.”

Effie couldn’t stop talking after that. They had managed to migrate to her couch and she told him about her courses and teachers and homework and assignments and textbooks and her new computer and the classroom and the building and the campus and the Starbucks on campus and the cafeteria she’d eat in and the vending machine she’d buy snacks from and the bench she’d sit on waiting for class and everything. Everything. There was nothing she didn’t talk about. And he listened to it all, listened to all of it intently, not interrupting once, asking follow-up questions and asking her for more more more more more. He couldn’t get enough. He forgot about his water. He forgot about the homemade Rice Krispie she gave him on a plate on her coffee table. He forgot that he was going to suggest they go out to a Starbucks. He forgot that he hadn’t seen her in months and was so desperate to see her that he came here before he even went to his own apartment. All he could think about was here, and all he could pay attention to was what she was saying.

He wanted it like this all the time.

“How’s therapy going?” he asked, finally remembering his water and taking a quick sip from his glass.

“I’m seeing a sex therapist now too.”

That was a bombshell. Matthew tried not to make it show that he was shocked at the news, but she’d said it so casually – like everyone saw a sex therapist. And, like, a therapist was one thing, but a sex therapist was another. He understood why she’d need one, but it was still a shock to him. “Oh yeah?” he tried to say casually.

Effie nodded her head. “I told Dr. Barlow how we’d been kissing,” she said, biting her lip and blushing slightly. “And, um…well, I told her some other things, so she suggested I see the sex therapist to help fix them.”

Fix them? Matthew had no idea what she meant. He moved slightly closer to her on the couch as he furrowed his brows. “What else did you tell her?” he asked softly. Effie averted his gaze, looking away as if she were embarrassed. “Effie, come on, you can tell me,” he urged.

“Well…when we—do you promise not to freak out at me?”

His heart ached. “Of course.”

“When we started kissing—well, when I started kissing you…I liked it a lot,” she said.

“We were kissing each other,” he said, correcting her, because he knew language was important and the way things were phrased was important and he wanted her to know he was 100% in on it too. He wasn’t exactly innocent. He was a willing accomplice. “I was kissing you too. I liked it a lot too.”

Effie nodded her head. “Well…I liked it a lot. But then we had that talk and you left for St. Louis and we were in a good place. Dr. Barlow told me that was very mature of me, and that she was very impressed. But then…”

“But then…”

Effie kept averting his gaze. “Um…but then, well, you weren’t here, and I started to have dreams of us kissing. I’d lean into you and close my eyes and kiss you. And your lips were soft like I remembered. But then it would change. Quickly. And it would hurt. It—it would hurt. And I’d open my eyes and instead of you, it was…Abraham. And I’d get so scared. I’d wake up screaming.”

Matthew’s heart fell in the pit of his stomach. He felt like he was going to be sick. “I made you feel that way?”

“No! No you didn’t,” she shook her head vehemently. “It was only when you left. When you’re—Matthew, no,” her words were jumbled because she had started crying. “When we kissed, I liked it. I liked it so much. But my mind was playing tricks on me.”

“Effie, if I hurt you—”

“You didn’t. You didn’t hurt me at all,” she pressed, her hand extending automatically to grab at his forearm comfortingly. “You could never hurt me Matthew. Ever. I just…” her voice had gotten softer, frailer, more like it had been in January. “I still see him sometimes.”

If Matthew’s heart had fallen into the pit of his stomach before, then now it had just shattered into a billion pieces. “Oh, Effie…” he barely got out.

“I don’t want to see him ever again,” she said.

“C’mere,” he said softly, pulling her body towards his so he could hug her. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and could feel Effie melt into him, her head cradled on his chest. He wanted her to feel as safe as possible with him – he’d wanted that since the beginning. With this new revelation, he now wanted it more than ever. “You’ll never see him again, Effie. I promise you.”

“I know I won’t. I know. This is happening because of what happened to me.”

“When he would hurt you.”

Effie looked up at him, nodding, almost embarrassingly. “I know that he can’t hurt me anymore. But my dreams would take me back to when he did. It wasn’t you, Matthew. You didn’t make me feel that way. I told Dr. Barlow and Dr. Stevenson that. They’re just trying to help me not see him anymore, and move past the things that he did to me. And they’re…they’re trying not to make me feel guilty about something so simple like kissing.”

“You felt guilty about us kissing?” he asked.

“Women couldn’t date, right? So it wasn’t like I was kissing any of the other boys in the cult. We were harlots and sinners if we kissed men, and we were responsible for them straying away from God. My first kiss was on my fake wedding day.”

Matthew could kill them all. He had half the heart to jump into his car and drive to Sheerness so that he could. “I will give you as many kisses as you want if it helps you forget,” he blurted out.

Effie couldn’t help but smile. “Can we start again now? Slowly?”

Matthew smiled slightly. She craned her head up and placed one of her signature chaste kisses on his lips, and he reciprocated readily, the feeling of her lips on his after months of not having them there ranking up there with the best feeling in the world. When she pulled away, her eyes were still closed, but there was a smile on her face. Her prior tears had stained her cheeks. “Hugging you feels nice too,” Effie said, finally opening her eyes.

Matthew smiled. “Well then we’ll start doing a lot of that too.”

***

At the beginning of every hockey season, right before training camp, the Calgary Flames hosted a gala to benefit the Calgary Flames Foundation. The team would set a fundraising goal for the night – often surpassed – and then set one for the season – also surpassed – to give back to the city and community that supported them endlessly, through thick and thin. The gala was unofficially the kickoff to the season. Every member of the team, coaching staff, and head office attended. It was one of Calgary’s biggest events. It was the one night of the year Matthew didn’t mind being out and having to small-talk with hundreds of strangers, because he knew it was all for a good cause and a greater good.

Matthew was forced to wear a tuxedo. All the members of the team were forced to wear tuxedos. He kept fiddling with his bowtie and Mark kept slapping his hand away. Matthew thought they all looked like penguins. He searched around the gala room, already filling up with people. He took his phone out of his pocket.

You guys here yet? he texted Geneviève, knowing that since Elias and Jacob were already here, she and Annica were coming together.

We’re in a taxi. Eyeliner needed to be reapplied because Effie kept crying.

Matthew chuckled to himself, picturing the image of Effie sitting in a chair while Annica and Geneviève fussed over her makeup. Before he could text her back, another text from her came through.

She looks beautiful, by the way.

Matthew was impatient. He kept looking towards the doors even though he was supposed to be pretending to be interested in what these rich people had to say. Levi and Jenna were already there, too, so it really was just him waiting for Effie to arrive. This entire night didn’t start until Effie arrived.

Matthew was in a conversation with someone when he saw her walk through the doors. Annica was wearing a navy blue bodycon dress that showed off her curves, and she looked great. Geneviève was wearing an emerald green midi-length dress with a high slit, high collar, back cut-out, and cap sleeves, and she looked impeccably chic and stylish, like only Geneviève could.

But it was Effie, of course, who looked the best. A bright red dress that fell to her knees, with floral lace and sequins and cape sleeves that covered her otherwise bare arms. She wore a pair of low nude heels, and her blonde bob was styled professionally as a barely-there curl. She looked impeccable. Beautiful. Stunning. Gorgeous. Divine. Exquisite.

“Excuse me,” he said quickly to the man and wife he was talking to, and left Elias alone with them as he made his way through the crowd and towards Effie, Annica, and Geneviève. He pushed past some people gently before finally appearing in front of them. He could see Geneviève smirking the second they saw him, but he locked eyes with Effie. When she saw him in his tux, her breath hitched in her throat. He looked good. “Hi,” he said to Effie breathlessly.

Annica saw the look in his eyes and knew she had to skedaddle out of there. “Where’s Elias?”

“Over there,” Matthew pointed behind him, somewhere in the crowd of four hundred people, as if that answered the question and helped her.

“Thanks,” she left, winking at him as she passed him.

Geneviève was next. “I guess my husband is in the same place?” she asked him.

“Mhm,” he nodded his head quickly.

“Great. You two behave. If I don’t see you, I’ll assume you’re in a broom closet,” she said before disappearing into the crowd of people.

Matthew and Effie hadn’t taken their eyes off each other. Effie thought he looked great in his tux; it was tailored to perfection, and really showed off how thick his body was, but in a good way. She’d felt it when they hugged when he showed up to her place after landing in Calgary, and if she was being honest with herself, she had been thinking about it ever since. She kept thinking about being physical with him, about touching him and hugging and cuddling and doing all the things she couldn’t have done with another man before. And she only wanted to do them with Matthew. Her mind – and now increasingly her body – wanted to do that only with Matthew. With the dress and the makeup and the whole look all together, Matthew was a man possessed. With Geneviève and Annica gone, Matthew couldn’t help but bite his bottom lip to suppress himself from smiling bashfully, like he usually did with Effie. “You look beautiful, Effie,” he said softly.

“Thanks,” she smiled. “This is the second dress I’ve ever worn that has shown off my legs. It’s Geneviève’s. And – if you can believe it – this is the first time I’ve word something red.”

He couldn’t take it anymore. From her hair to her makeup to her dress to her shoes, he just couldn’t fucking take it anymore. He looked around the room quickly before grabbing her hand. “Come with me,” he mumbled.

“Where are we going?”

He dragged her out of the room and into the foyer. There were more people out there, sipping on cocktails and eating hors d’oeuvres and getting checked in, so he kept walking with her behind him down the long foyer that connected all the different hall rooms in the complex together. When it got quieter, and the rush of people were too far away, he led her into a short corridor where a men’s and women’s washroom was. They were far enough away that he knew no-one from the gala would find them.

“Matthew? Is everything okay?” she asked as she watched him close the door behind them.

“Everything’s fine,” he said, his voice strained. “I just…God, Effie, you look so fucking beautiful.”

Effie could pick up on the strain in his voice. She could also see the fire in his eyes as he looked down at her. She didn’t know much about the world, and she knew even less about men, but those things alone were telling her something. Her body was telling her something too, something she’d never heard from it before. Instead of being repulsed by the body in front of her, she was drawn to it. Instead of being scared to touch it, she wanted to feel it all over her. Instead of allowing her mind to take her somewhere else so she didn’t have to focus on pain on hurt or anything else, she wanted to be in the moment and feel everything. “Kiss me, Matthew,” she said. She’d never been so bold in her entire life. She didn’t think she had it in her.

Matthew didn’t need to be told twice. He held her face between his hands, dipped his head, and began kissing her passionately. Effie loved it. It wasn’t a chaste kiss like the kisses they had shared in the past. This kiss was hungry, and told her almost everything she needed to know about Matthew’s feelings.

Her feelings were similar. She wanted to explore them. She wanted to do more.

That was why, when it was Effie who slid her tongue along Matthew’s lips, he stopped in shock. Not that he wanted to – the action was just surprising. He pulled away slightly, making sure it was something she wanted to do. When he saw her open her eyes slowly, she was bringing her hands up, placing them over his. “You can touch me, Matthew,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

He let out a shaky breath. He knew they weren’t exactly gonna hook up in the bathroom or anything, but this was still huge, especially for Effie. “Are you sure?” he asked.

She nodded her head. “You won’t hurt me.”

He dipped down and kissed her again. And he kept kissing her, letting his hands wander to her waist and hips, where he gripped them and pulled them closer to his body. And she kept kissing him, letting her hands wander down his chest and under his tuxedo jacket to his back, feeling the thickness of his body. And for at least a few minutes, they were in their own little world, kissing in the men’s bathroom of a banquet hall, hands all over each other as Matthew probably got lipstick all over his mouth.

Effie was loving it. The feeling of his soft lips on hers was unlike anything she’d ever felt, and his tongue in her mouth, tasting slightly of the alcohol he’d drunk before she got there, was intoxicating to say the least. She felt like it could go on forever. She was pretty sure she would let it go on forever if she could. She was happy, so happy that she was doing this – that she could do this. Two years ago, if she’d even thought about it, she would have been scared of being damned to hell for eternity. Now, she was enjoying it. Now, she wanted to do it all the time. Now, she could—

She could—

She—

Now, it hurt a little.

Now, the lips weren’t as soft.

Now, she could feel a prickly, unkept beard scraping at her skin—

“STOP,” she instinctively pushed the body away, scrunching her face and gulping hard. Before she could see Abraham’s face – before it could appear to her in her mind – she opened her eyes and looked at Matthew.

Matthew.

She saw him staring back at her worriedly and she let out a shaky breath. He knew why she stopped; he didn’t need to be told. “I’m—I’m so—”

“Hey hey, it’s okay,” he said soothingly. “It’s alright, Effie. We can stop.”

She diverted her eyes from looking at him. She was so embarrassed. “You won’t be mad?” she asked. That was usually how it went for, well…

Matthew put his hand under her chin so he could look her in the eye. “No,” he said, with as much conviction as he could muster. “We can stop whenever you want.”

“I’m so—”

“Do not apologize to me,” he said sternly. She didn’t need to. He needed her to know that. “Never apologize to me for that.”

She bit her bottom lip. “Thank you for stopping.”

“There’s no way in hell I’d keep going.”

Effie nodded. She understood. “At least I’m getting better,” she said. “I didn’t give you a black eye this time.”

Matthew couldn’t help but snort. It released all the tension in the air immediately; even Effie was giggling slightly. “That you did not,” he said, grabbing her hand slightly. “Wanna go back out there? Well, after we get all this lipstick off of me.”

***

The gala was nice. It was formal and the food was decent and even though Matthew basically kept his eye on Effie sitting with Levi and Jenna the entire night, it was nice. He had fun with his teammates. He embarrassed himself on stage for charity. At the silent auction, one of his packages with signed memorabilia went for the second-highest bid. He was proud of what he and the team were able to accomplish in terms of giving back to the community.

But now he had more important things on his mind.

By the time he found Effie again, she was standing in a group with Levi and Jenna, Jacob and Geneviève, and Annica and Elias. It looked like they were chatting about something exciting, so Matthew knew he needed to be there. When Geneviève saw him butt his way in, she smiled. “I was just reminiscing about when Jacob and I met, and how my friends and I went to the pubs in Oxford after our graduation in our robes and Tudor bonnets,” she said, filling him in. “There’s nothing better than showing up to a place severely overdressed and then having the time of your life dancing.”

Matthew looked at Geneviève in her dress. He looked at Annica in hers, and Effie in hers, and Jenna in hers. He looked to his teammates in his tuxedos, and to Levi wearing a form-fitted navy suit. “Wanna go dancing?”

Elias smirked. “The night’s still young.”

***

They ended up at a bar downtown, one that Matthew had been to before but couldn’t really remember exactly what happened (it was his first year in Calgary and he’d just found out hours before that the legal drinking age was only eighteen). The bouncer looked at them all weirdly in their getups but let them in anyway. It was only when they entered that they realized it was frosh week for the University of Calgary, and the bar was full of university students drinking and dancing. The floor was slightly sticky. It was the perfect venue for the goal they wanted to achieve.

“Oh, this takes me back,” Geneviève giggled, looking out at the sea of people. She looked at Annica and Jenna. “Spicy margs?”

Both women nodded. “Spicy margs.”

She looked at Effie. “Have you ever had alcohol?”

“No.”

“Do you want to try it while you’re safe with us?”

Effie nodded.

Geneviève, Effie, and Matthew headed to the bar while the rest of the group went to find a bar table to take over. Matthew made sure Effie got a spot right at the front as he stood directly behind her, his body pressed against hers. Geneviève waved down the bartenders and ordered all the drinks. All the university students clamouring to get a spot at the bar and the attention of the bartenders looked at them weird for their too-fancy clothes. Geneviève didn’t care – it wasn’t like this was her first time doing this. Effie was a little self-conscious, but that soon went away when she saw the drinks being made in front of her.

“Whenever you go out to a bar like this, you always want the bartender to make your drink in front of you. Don’t ever accept a drink from a stranger or if you haven’t seen it made in front of you,” Geneviève cautioned her.

“Okay,” Effie nodded. “What happens if I don’t like the spicy margarita though?”

“Then we’ll get you another drink.”

Once all the drinks were made, they were brought back to the bar table the rest of the group managed to find and everyone began drinking. Effie liked her spicy margarita. Matthew let her take a sip of his beer but she didn’t like that too much. She ordered another spicy margarita. Her body began to feel tingly because of the tequila. The music started to get progressively louder, too, the bass making the floor vibrate. Effie looked out onto the dance floor to see a bunch of people her age dancing – grinding, as Matthew called it at Andrew’s birthday many months ago. She watched them intently, while they were having the time of their lives.

“You okay?” Matthew asked, bending down to ask as she was looking out at the crowd.

“I want to dance but I don’t know how to,” she revealed. “I’m just…looking to see what everyone else is doing. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that grinding.”

Matthew couldn’t help but smile. “Nobody knows how to dance, Effie. We all just move our bodies to the beat of the music.”

The song changed suddenly and it made Geneviève scream at the top of her lungs in excitement. Effie watched as she grabbed her drink and Jacob’s hand and dragged him towards the dance floor as they began to dance together. Levi and Jenna followed, and so did Annica and Elias. The couples weren’t grinding like the university students, but instead danced facing each other, holding hands or swaying back and forth, holding their drinks it their hands and raising them up in the air, miraculously not spilling a thing. She and Matthew were the only ones left at the bar table. “This was their wedding song, I think,” Matthew explained, watching Effie watch Jacob and Geneviève dancing.

“What’s it called?”

“I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston.”

“Levi hasn’t introduced me to that one.”

“Levi isn’t the type to listen to Whitney Houston.”

Effie continued to watch them dance, Geneviève singing the lyrics to Jacob at the top of her lungs. They were so in love with each other, even she could see it, and she barely knew what healthy love was. A part of her wondered what made them love each other so much, and another part of her wondered if she should ask. Was it rude to ask something like that?

“D’you want to dance, Effie?” Matthew asked.

Effie looked up at him. “Do you think people will laugh at me because I don’t know how?”

He shook his head. “There’s so many people and they’re all so drunk, they won’t even notice you.”

She gripped her margarita tighter. There was something to be said about overcoming fears ever since she left the cult, and this could be classified as one of them. But she wasn’t like these university students who were moving their bodies so freely and easily. She was much more restrained – with everything really – but she wanted to actively work to move away from that. Conquer her fears. Do what she needed to do to shed herself from the past. So she nodded her head. “Let’s go.”

Matthew grabbed her hand and led her on to the dance floor, moving his body to the song with his beer still in his hand, doing his best not to spill it everywhere, but especially not on Effie wearing Geneviève’s expensive red dress. Effie watched, moving her feet back and forth awkwardly. She looked up at Matthew for reassurance, only to see him already smiling at her. “You got it, you got it,” he said, moving his feet in a similar way.

“What do I do with my hands?” she asked.

“Just throw ‘em up!” he showed her. She did the same movements, but she couldn’t step or move with the beat of the music. Matthew could tell she was nervous. “Just move your body, Effie. Move it however you want. Doesn’t need to be on beat.”

Effie closed her eyes, trying to get the feel of the song in her, but she lost her groove because it soon ended and another began. This one was even more upbeat – well, it had a better beat – and Effie began to move again.

Feel buried alive This city is airtight Suffocated and lonely in the crowd I'm surrounded by All the screens of their life Screaming in to space to drown them out

Effie not only began to move her feet and hands, but she tried swaying her hips a bit. She liked this beat. She loved this beat. She lost herself completely in it, dancing with no inhibitions. Matthew watched as she let loose, moving her body in tune with the music. Her dancing was unlike anyone else’s around her, and the only thing he wanted to was copy her. It looked a bit ridiculous, but it didn’t matter to Matthew. He’d made himself look more ridiculous than this before. This was nothing.

I felt down so low Found nowhere to go But I know you wait for me You wait for me So far out of sight Straight into the white But I know you wait for me I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

Effie opened her eyes to see Matthew. Matthew, who would wait for her. Matthew, who had waited for her.

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

“Go Effie! Go Effie!” Annica chanted, coming up beside them with Elias, grooving to the beat of the music. Annica watched Effie moving and followed her movements too – albeit more fluidly – and when Effie looked up and saw Annica, a giant smile took over her face. Annica screamed in excitement and cheered their drinks together before moving with her, beside Matthew, letting him get closest to her.

So hold me tight I just wanna fade out Somewhere we can ship the world away I'm ready to hide Far from the fallout They won't find us in the paradise we'll make

“Woooooooo! You go girl! Get loose!” Geneviève screamed from her other side, approaching them with Jacob beside her who was doing a modified version of the robot. Matthew watched as Effie closed her eyes, going into her own little world, raising her arms and bopping her body to the music. It was the happiest and most carefree he’d ever seen her. He vowed right then and there to take her dancing whenever she wanted to go so she could feel this same way.

I felt down so low Found nowhere to go But I know you wait for me You wait for me So far out of sight Straight into the white But I know you wait for me I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

Effie was feeling it. She loved it. She loved this. She loved the people she was surrounded by. If this was love, she wanted to feel it all the time.

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

When she opened her eyes again, she saw everyone dancing around her. She stepped closer to Matthew, almost so close that she could feel his body against hers. They moved together to the climax of the song, Matthew looking down at her and smiling.

Free falling from the high I'm following the voice I know Free falling from the high I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

In his tuxedo and in her frilly red dress with cape sleeves, surrounded by people. it felt like they were the only ones in the world.

***

“I think I can live a normal life with him,” Effie told Dr. Barlow as she sat in her usual seat in the office, looking down at her hands. She’d already been talking for almost an hour during her session, but she felt the need to get that statement out. Dr. Barlow had the right to know.

“With Matthew?” Dr. Barlow clarified.

Effie nodded her head. Who else would she be talking about? “He’s never once made me feel uncomfortable or unsafe or…like…ashamed of what I went through,” she elaborated.

“That’s a very positive thing,” Dr. Barlow said, her voice steady. “It’s good that you’re thinking about these things, Effie. You’re thinking about your future. You actually see a future for yourself. But how normal do you think a friendship or perhaps even a life with a hockey player can be?” she asked.

Effie shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I barely understand hockey as it is.”

“Well, hockey players don’t exactly live the most conventional of lifestyles. They travel a lot, as I’m sure you know since Levi travels with the team.”

“Yeah…” Effie didn’t know where Dr. Barlow was going with this. “That’s…that’s not the biggest deal to me.”

Dr. Barlow nodded her head, writing something down on her pad of paper. “Have you continued to kiss him since he’s come back?” Effie nodded. “Regularly?”

“Semi-regularly.”

“Have you told Dr. Stevenson?” she asked. Effie nodded again. “Do you still envision Abraham sometimes?”

Effie hesitated before nodding her head. She knew she couldn’t lie. “It’s been getting better though. We kissed for a couple of minutes once before I, um, felt Abraham’s beard. And when he stopped, he didn’t get mad at all. I means it’s progress from when he brushed up against me in bed and I gave him a black eye,” she tried to joke.

Dr. Barlow apparently didn’t find it funny like Matthew had. She just nodded again and wrote on her note pad. “You should tell Dr. Stevenson about that.”

***

“I made another pint of maple pecan ice cream,” Effie told Levi as she handed him a Tupperware full of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. They were mostly for Jenna – she was craving them. Jenna had been craving a lot of things lately, ever since Effie got her own mixer, anyway. Effie had been experimenting making ice cream. The café was pleased about this as well. The owner was already looking to invest in ice cream storage to be able to serve it. “I’ve found a real gem in you, Effie,” the owner would repeat over and over again to her. Matthew had to stop himself constantly from getting a third bowl on nights he’d come over. He’d tap at his stomach and say “I can’t” but when he’d go and put his bowl in the sink, she’d always see him hesitate before he did so. “Do you want it?”

“Please,” he begged his sister. She moved to open her freezer. “I swear Effie, the best thing Matthew’s ever done was get you that KitchenAid. I’ve been gaining weight ever since.”

Effie smiled. “At least you’re not the hockey player that has to stay in peak physical condition. Matthew’s been complaining that I’m making him pudgy.”

“Thank God.”

“Speaking of…” she began, handing him the pint of ice cream. “Do you think you can teach me about hockey?”

“You mean like the rules and stuff?”

“Yeah. You know, like what’s going on out there whenever I’m at games.”

“Okay,” he nodded, shrugging his shoulder slightly. “Any reason?”

“If I’m going to be surrounded by hockey because of you, then I should learn it, shouldn’t I?” Effie asked rhetorically.

“Sure,” he side-eyed his sister playfully. “But does this have anything to do with Matthew?”

“What if it does?”

Levi smiled. He knew there was something going on between the two of them, regardless of whether or not they wanted to tell him. He liked Matthew, he knew he was a good kid, so it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. She could have hooked up with someone way worse. Actually, she could have gone the opposite route of where she currently was (which many former cult members went), which was becoming a hypersexual after being sexually repressed for so many years. Effie was taking her time with it, and that was fine, but if her friendship…or relationship, or whatever she had going on with Matthew was any indication, Levi figured Effie was thinking about it. “I don’t care, Effie. It’s kind of cute, actually.”

“So you’ll teach me?”

“Of course. I’ll have you screaming at the referees in no time.”

***

“So Levi’s teaching me about hockey,” Effie said as she marinated chicken in her kitchen, her phone call with Matthew on speakerphone as she moved around and got her hands dirty.

“He is?”

“Mhm. By the time the home opener comes around, I’ll be able to understand what’s going on,” she revealed.

“I better get you a Tkachuk jersey then.”

Effie smiled bashfully, even though he couldn’t see it. “You don’t want me wearing a Markstrom one like last time?” she joked.

“Effie.”

***

Effie was nervous as she sat in Dr. Stevenson’s office. Not because she was scared, or because she wasn’t a good sex therapist, or because of anything like that. She was nervous to admit to her the thoughts she’d been having about Matthew, even though she knew Dr. Stevenson wouldn’t judge her at all and that it was his job to help her. Help her make peace with these thoughts; help her realize they were completely normal and okay; help her act on them, eventually, in a healthy way. Dr. Stevenson already knew about Matthew – she knew about him from Effie’s very first day.

“My mind may not be ready but my body is physically attracted to him. I don’t know how to…you know, mend the two so that both are on the same page,” Effie admitted after almost an hour. “I want to be with him. I do. I know he won’t hurt me – that he’d never hurt me.”

Dr. Stevenson nodded. “When you were in the People’s Dominion of Christ, there was a huge power imbalance between Abraham, being the prophet and leader, and the followers – you,” Dr. Stevenson began to explain. “This imbalance made it impossible for you to give true consent to sex.”

Effie’s body stiffened. Consent. Geneviève had taught her that term early on. Consent was giving permission for something to happen. Effie had never given her consent to marry Abraham. She’d never given Abraham consent to consummate their marriage. She’d never given Abraham consent to touch her, stroke her, do anything to her. She’d surely never given him consent to impregnate her. “Okay…that makes sense. But I didn’t know I had to give consent. I thought that men could do whatever they wanted with my body. Especially Abraham, since he was the prophet.”

“The institutionalized sexism in the cult is nothing I haven’t heard before. Many victims like yourself have said the exact same thing to me,” Dr. Stevenson said. “You are not alone. There are many people like you, unfortunately. When females are not equally valued because of misogyny, because of outdated traditional gender roles that are disempowering, it makes women like you experience sexual inequality and become more susceptible to leaders who will exploit you.”

“So how do I get it back?”

“Get what back?”

“My agency. My…my…” Effie began to tear up, thinking about all the things she had to endure at the hands of Abraham – literally and metaphorically. “How do I get my mind back? My body is finally mine, and I can do what I want with it, but I don’t feel like I have my mind back yet if I’m kissing Matthew but then all of a sudden I remember the feeling of Abraham’s beard or that I can’t sit or lie at the foot of a bed because that’s where…”

Dr. Stevenson took a deep breath. “One way to do so is to embrace, appreciate, and celebrate your sexual self. That is what I am trying to help you do here. You need to understand that your capacity for pleasure is not a luxury, and it is not shameful either. It is a necessity for a well-balanced and emotionally happy life. As a woman – as a survivor of sexual abuse, of rape – you should take a stand for your own sexual healing and embrace sexual pleasure as something that will help heal you.”

Effie nodded her head, more tears escaping her now, but she understood. She knew what she needed to do, and the mental shift she needed to go through. Touching could be pleasurable for the woman. Sex could be pleasurable for the woman. Not everything had to hurt. Not everything had to come with pain.

“I’m not saying this is going to happen tomorrow for you, Effie,” Dr. Stevenson continued. “I’m not saying it’ll happen next month, or year. It happens quickly for some, and for others it can take years. Everybody has their own timeline – you included. You have to remember that your trauma comes with complex PTSD. If you set goals for yourself, like you already have been doing, with a person you are comfortable with – Matthew – your sexual self will grow with your physical self and your mental self. When those three parts of you are aligned, they will all grow stronger, and make you stronger.”

Effie kept nodding. The words were permeating through her like lightning. “I’m going to try. I’m really going to try.”

“Just stop when you need to stop. Go when you want to go. You’ll get there, Effie.”

***

“Did you learn about gay people in the cult?” Matthew asked as he prepared Brokeback Mountain on the TV while Effie finished pouring the popcorn into the bowl.

“Not in a good way, if that’s what you’re really asking,” she said from the kitchen. “You know the stupid Bible verse. The prophet called it an abomination. But it was one of the first things that Levi and Jenna taught out of me when I first went to live with them, because Jenna’s brother is gay and has a husband and two kids. Levi didn’t want me to be shocked if I ever saw them.”

Matthew didn’t know that about Jenna. But he nodded his head and watched Effie bring the bowl of popcorn over. “Have you met them?”

Effie nodded. “They came over a few months after I arrived. They were so incredibly kind,” she explained. She handed the popcorn bowl to Matthew to take before folding her leg and collapsing onto the couch beside him, facing him. “It really…it really messed with me. I mean, it’s not like I wanted to think that way. It was what I was conditioned to think. I didn’t know better. And I felt so bad, because I knew they knew, but they were so understanding. From the moment they walked through the door they were so nice and they didn’t hold it against me,” she explained.

Matthew could only listen. And though he listened through her entire explanation, he was hung up on one thing. “You should stop calling him the prophet,” he said suddenly, not really thinking it through but needing to get it out. “He wasn’t a prophet. He wasn’t even your husband. He was just some guy.”

Effie looked stunned by what he was saying. She’d never considered that before. She was so used to calling him the prophet that the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind – ever. “You’re right,” she said, unable to say anything else. It was such a simple sentiment but it held so much power. “I…you’re right, Matthew.”

He smiled slightly. “Wanna start the movie?”

Effie nodded. Matthew extended his arm to move the bowl to the side, and his other arm moved upwards slightly, signalling to Effie that it was already to cuddle. She moved closer to him, snuggling into his side and letting both legs drape over his thigh. Only then did he let his arm down, draping it over her back. Effie looked up at him. “Is that okay?” she asked.

“It’s perfect,” he whispered, placing the bowl of popcorn between their bodies so they had equal access to it. “You comfortable?”

“Mhm.”

“Effie, are you comfortable?” he repeated.

She knew why he was repeating himself. She looked up at him and smiled. “The comfiest I’ve ever been.”

Matthew pressed play. From that moment, Effie’s eyes were glued to the screen, hooked on the love story unfolding in front of her. For Matthew, he was more hooked on watching her than the movie, but he kept up slightly. At some point during the movie – Matthew didn’t pay attention when – Effie’s hand settled on his abs, and it was all he could think about for the rest of the night. He was acutely aware of its placement. Then, the sadder scenes started happening, and he’d feel the hand grip his t-shirt, and his body would seize up. She’d soften it, but then grip again when something emotional would happen. Then the scene where Ennis visits Jack’s parents after his death occurred, and Ennis was let into Jack’s childhood bedroom and found his old shirt. Matthew watched as Ennis smelled it and clutched it against his chest.

Then he heard Effie let out a sob.

She gripped him tighter than she ever had. He tightened his hold on her too, shifting slightly and letting his shirt ride up against the couch, just so she could cuddle into him even more than she already was. He could feel her hand on his skin now, gripping at his side tenderly as the tears still rolled down her face. He took the opportunity to place his hand in the small sliver of space where her shirt had ridden up too, squeezing and massaging it gently to comfort her. “Y’okay?” his voice was barely above a whisper.

She didn’t respond. Her eyes were glued to the TV. As the movie continued, Matthew left his hand exactly where it was, and Effie left her hand exactly where it was. Holding each other. Clutching each other.

When the movie ended, Effie didn’t move for a long time. Not even when the credits began rolling on the screen. “Are you okay, Effie?” Matthew repeated his question from earlier, albeit a bit louder and more pronounced this time.

“I think my heart is broken,” she finally let out, bringing the hand that was squeezing his side to her face so she could wipe her tears away. “That was beautiful. Beautiful.”

“It was,” Matthew agreed. It was very obvious the movie was affecting her a lot.

Effie moved so she could look up at Matthew, craning her head and bringing her hand up to cradle his face so she could kiss him. When their lips connected, Matthew could feel the wetness of her cheeks. “I can’t believe I was ever scared of that,” she whispered against his lips when she pulled away.

“Doesn’t matter. What matters is what you think now.”

Effie nodded. He always knew the right things to say. He was helping her change her past and way of thinking one way or another. “I think I want to kiss you again.”

Matthew kissed her. And even as the credits finished, neither of them would let go of the other.

***

The Calgary Flames home opener at the Saddledome had Effie buzzing with excitement. She wore a brand new pair of jeans for the occasion, and arrived at the game with Jenna, Annica, and Geneviève. As was normal for them, Annica was wearing her tried and true Lindholm jersey, while Geneviève was sporting a Markstrom one. Jenna wore Levi’s old Iginla jersey.

Effie had Tkachuk sprawled across her back.

“Do you want to go down near the ice and wave?” Annica asked, and Effie nodded her head. “It might get a big crowded, so stay near me.”

The ladies descended down the steps, joining the pretty big crowd that had formed against the glass beside Jacob’s net. A bunch of kids were up against the glass with homemade signs, their parents near them taking pictures. Some men around Effie’s age were there too, drinking beers with their jerseys on and taking videos on their phones. Other girls her age were there too, taking pictures of all the players. “Can you see Matthew?” Geneviève asked as she looked down at Effie.

“He’s over there,” she smiled, pointing at Matthew across the ice. He was practicing his stickhandling, in such deep concentration that he didn’t look up for a while. When he finally did look up, happy with his stickhandling, he began skating around the ice, bumping into Noah and Andrew along the way.

Effie waved excitedly.

Matthew stopped when he saw her. Even though there was glass streaked with puck shots and some distance between them, she could see him smile from ear to ear, his mouth guard hanging out. He waved back, his hockey glove looking like a giant bear claw.

“God you two are insufferable,” Geneviève said jokingly.

Matthew continued to skate around, shooting the puck at the net, each of them going in. Geneviève noticed all of his glances back at them, and the small smile constantly on his face as he went about his drills. When the practice was almost over, she kept an eye intently on him, watching as he skated over. She knew what he wanted to go. “Go closer,” she said to Effie, urging her with a little nudge.

Effie took her cue and stepped down, closer to the glass. Matthew had flipped a puck over the glass towards a kid with a sign for him. Now, as Effie watched, he pointed to her and made sure everyone around knew who he was pointing to. She turned around slightly, pointing to his name on her back. He smiled wide and flipped another puck, perfectly, right into her hands.

Geneviève watched as the young women around them eyed Effie suspiciously.

***

“Matthew!” Effie squealed once he finally emerged from the locker room, his suit back on and his tie tied loosely around his neck. She hugged him excitedly, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he reciprocated. “Great game!”

“Thanks, Effie.”

“And your goal!” she continued. Now that she actually understood hockey, and now that she wasn’t scared about every little thing around her at the arena, she could actually enjoy the experience and know what was going on. “What a great goal!”

He had the puck in his pocket, and had planned to give it to her, but right now his mind was elsewhere. Seeing her in his jersey at the beginning of the game did things to him, and although he was able to focus throughout the sixty minutes, now that he saw her again with his name sprawled across her back, his mind was right where it was the moment he first saw her that night. “Wanna come over mine and watch a movie?” he asked, his voice low so no-one else would hear.

To his complete surprise, Effie nodded her head immediately. “Of course.”

They left inconspicuously without saying goodbye to anyone.

***

Effie broke down during the first scene.

Matthew had changed out of his suit and into a sweater and track pants, and Effie had taken off the jersey and hung it up in his front closet. They cuddled on the couch together, exactly as they’d done when they watched Brokeback Mountain, and Matthew pressed play on Netflix. The first scene was the main character, Esty, packing up her most valuable belongings, including a small picture of her grandmother, and running away from her Hasidic community. All before the opening credits. When the show’s opening played, he heard Effie let out a loud sob.

“Hey hey hey,” he cooed, watching as she brought her hand up to cover her mouth to try and control herself, but there was no use. Tears were streaming down her face. “It’s alright, it’s alright.”

“It’s me,” she said softly, through tears. “It’s me.”

“C’mere,” he said, pulling her even closer against his body, if that was possible. Every inch of her was touching him now, with his arms wrapped tightly around her, and he hoped that brought her at least some reprieve. She was wiping her face with her hands, and he could see her chest heaving, though he could tell she was taking deep breaths to calm herself down. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. “We can stop it or watch so—”

“No,” she interjected sternly, looking up at him. “I can do this.”

“I know you can Effie, but—”

“No buts. I can watch this,” she was adamant.

Matthew lost. He knew he would. He bit his bottom lip and nodded his head. “Will you promise to tell me if it becomes too much?”

Effie nodded. She snuck her hand underneath his sweater to feel his skin again, and she – surprisingly – game him a quick peck before laying her head on his chest again. “Press play.”

Matthew kissed her forehead, then the crown of her head, then laid his cheek there before pressing play.

Effie broke down again less than ten minutes later, when the grandmother was listening to an old German song, An Die Musik sung by Elisabeth Scwartzkopf. And again, when Yanky was searching her childhood bedroom and found her personal items and her music. The last scene she cried to was near the end, when Esty’s biological mother showed up and gave her documents to prove German citizenship “just in case you need somewhere else to go”. When the episode ended, Effie was shedding her last tears. Matthew paused Netflix before the episode could switch over. “You okay?”

Effie nodded, despite her tears. “I know it’s different religions, but a lot of things were just, like, so similar,” she explained. “The…the beginning brought me back.”

“I can only imagine,” Matthew whispered.

“The grandmother crying listening to that beautiful song. Esty’s music. Her mom still looking out for her despite abandoning her. It all just…it all just really hit home.” Matthew nodded. It was the only thing he could do. If Effie wanted to elaborate, she could, but he wasn’t going to force her. Instead, he shifted her body so she was sitting more in his lap as opposed to right beside him. She steadied her breathing, and her tears had stopped. “When I went to live with the proph—Abraham, as his wife,” she began, “he made me leave everything at home besides my clothes. I couldn’t see my favourite things unless I was visiting, and even then, I’d never be alone in my room for more than two minutes because he knew I’d be reminiscing, and he said it was a sin to dwell on my past life when I should have been looking forward to my future as his wife and as a mother to his son of God.” She paused, biting her bottom lip; Matthew could tell she was remembering it all vividly in her mind. “After a year my mom threw out all my things anyway. Because she agreed with him.”

“What did you have? What were your things?” he asked, sad and angry and disturbed all at once.

“Just simple things. Nothing special,” she said. “My…my own Bible that I’d been using since I was a kid. A journal I had where I recorded my favourite verses. A doll I had when I was a kid that another member made for me. Just stupid things.”

“They’re not stupid things if they were special for you,” Matthew said. “I can’t believe your mom threw them all out. My mom has kept my kindergarten paintings.”

Effie smiled slightly. “That’s because you have a good mom who knows how to be a mother.”

Matthew digressed. Effie obviously hadn’t meant Chantal yet, but Matthew talked about her enough that Effie knew a lot about her. “I know I keep saying this, but you’re so strong, Effie.”

“It’s a lot to overcome,” she whispered, nodding her head. They sat for a while in comfortable silence, just being with each other. Matthew’s arms were still wrapped around her. Effie was still in hip lap, looking at him. “Will you kiss me, Matthew?”

Matthew smiled slightly before dipping his head down and capturing her lips in a kiss. It wasn’t long before – once again – Effie took the initiative to slip her tongue into his mouth. There was kissing – so much kissing – and Matthew took it upon himself to start to lay Effie down on the couch, his body looming over hers slightly and—

“Stop,” Effie said, her hands on his chest, pushing him off her slightly. Matthew immediately stopped and moved away from her. Her chest heaved up and down once before she pushed herself up. “I’m sorry.”

“Never apologize,” he said. “Did you see him again?”

Effie didn’t answer. “I think it happened because we laid down,” she said, her lips puffy from all the kissing.

Matthew was catching his breath. He was thankful that he was wearing track pants or else Effie would see how…excited he’d become. “How about you stay on top then?”

She furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”

“We—we can stay upright,” Matthew explained. “You can sit on my lap if you want…facing me. Or you could just…you know, like, sit…” he was losing his words.

Effie looked confused. Nervous. Like she didn’t know what to think. Like she was picturing the scenario in her head and couldn’t really make sense of any of it. “W—Women are allowed to do that?” she asked softly. Matthew couldn’t speak; he could only stare at her flabbergasted. He nodded his head slightly, and Effie thought about it. How women could be ‘on top’. What that would look like. What that would entail. “C…Can you—can you show…” she was too embarrassed to even be asking.

“C’mere,” he said, extending his hand. She put her hand in his and he pulled her towards him. “Put your one leg over here,” he said, patting to the space on the other side of him. She did so slowly. “And your other leg goes here,” he explained, and she did the same movement, “and now you can just sit on my lap.”

Effie took a deep breath as she lowered herself down until she could feel his thighs as her seat. Both she and Matthew had barely blinked the entire time during his simple act of showing her how to straddle him, but she had never done it before (and it wasn’t like she would have been allowed to), and so everything about it was new to her. Now, she was face-to-face with him, her hands resting on his chest, his hands resting near the bend in her knees. “This is new,” she said.

“Are you comfy?” he asked. She nodded. “D’you like it?” he asked again.

“It’ll take some getting used to,” she admitted. “But I can see it being nice.”

Being nice. Matthew couldn’t help but grin. “It’ll be nice. Trust me.”

Effie nodded. She did trust Matthew. So when she went in to continue their kisses, it was nice, and it was beautiful, and it wasn’t so bad anymore. Which is why, when Matthew’s hands moved from her knees up her thighs, it was okay. When his hands squeezed at her flesh through her pants before going higher, it was okay. When his hands moved to her hips and pulled her even closer, it was okay.

It was okay.

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