#i’ll post all the outdoor together soon!

[pansylair]

🟨 Rhamphorhynchus 🟨

acrylic, gouache, and gloss medium on coldpress

Part of the Nucleus House Group Show: P.S. 9, Opening on December 15th, Portland, OR.

One of my three 5x7" postcard sized paintings that will be available in person and online. :)

[gumdropgamespot]

🍭🍫🍬A treat (or three) to you; from me! 🍬🍭🍫

Snag these interactive bites from Pumpkin Honey Home and Gothic Living set (that will come... soon(ish)... in full!)

All of these have pack dependencies, so I'm hoping at least one will work for your game! 😅🧡

Delight in some autumnal tunes with a record player perfect for your cottage in the woods

Light an incense cone on the head of the littlest owl from the Growing Together sculpture, for some décor made functional

Hide your Simflix addiction with a television disguised as a fine art easel

Grab the ones that work, or grab them all! Happy Simblreen!

⬇ DL and Art Swatches Below ⬇

⬇ Grab at SimFileShare ⬇

Picnic Days Record Player (req. Outdoor Retreat)

If you want to decorate beyond the player, check out @budgie2budgie 's Old School Record Store Stuff (the records here were selected to match with their collection)

Feathered Family Incense Holder (req. Spa Day, intended for use with Growing Together pack)

The Art of Deception TV (req. Get Famous)

(I will eventually have a patreon post linked too… if simfileshare goes down, lmk and I’ll release the post early 😊)

[rainychaoloveshack]

ﾟ ⋆ ﾟ ☂︎ ⋆ ﾟ 𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐲 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬. 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐡𝐨𝐠.

you both decide to read and cuddle together while listening to the rain.

content. sonic x gn!reader. slightly suggestive around the end.

☂︎ wc. 1.3k ☂︎ a/n. hi. first post here! gonna use sonic to start us off. expect me to reuse this “reading and cuddling” idea more than once, hehe…

likes, reblogs, and especially comments are extremely appreciated!!!

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┊ ⋆ ┊   .   ┊   ┊

┊    ┊⋆     ┊   .

┊    ┊       ⋆˚              

✧. ┊         

⋆｡˚ 🌨 ˚｡⋆｡🌩˚☽˚｡⋆ 

☂︎

Sonic finally came back. It’s been practically weeks, and you made SURE to count each day he was gone. It went from one day, to two, three, four, five, and then it passed the double digits soon enough. It got lonely without that bundle of sunshine and excitement beside you every passing day, but he heard the call of adventure and just had to take off running, like he usually does.

But suddenly, without any warning beforehand, he’s home. 

You could feel the excitement surge through you as he showed up on your doorstep, soaked from the pattering rain outdoors, yet holding a soaked bouquet for you; a welcome surprise you didn’t expect this time around. The flowers almost shone through the soft amber lighting coming from your abode, and Sonic held up the bouquet for you to take.

“I-I’m home!” He says cheerfully, his ears flicking as you take the bouquet from his grasp, yet he can’t hide the small tremble in his throat and his hands as his body slightly shivers from the rain. “Sorry for not telling you prior about why I ran off. I’ll explain it all!” He spreads his hands out wide in a sort of begging gesture, water droplets flicking off his gloved fingertips, pleading with you not to be angry or aggravated with him. Like you ever could. “Everything!” He’s never been a water person, either. Poor honey.

“Ah- Huh?” Sonic exclaims softly in surprise as you tug him inside quickly, urging to get him out of the rain as soon as possible. “Wait, hold on! Y-You don’t wanna hear what happened at all?” 

He can tell you about his big adventure later. Right now, he needs to warm up.

It took a while to get him dry, too. Every step he took left a small puddle on your floor as the water droplets fell from each of his quills, a small, embarrassed “sorry” leaving those soft lips of his as he chuckled off his nerves. You could tell he wanted to complain, frown, and groan about the water, yet a smile stayed plastered on his lips, just for you.

After an hour or two of him telling you about his adventure for the chaos emerald, while simultaneously drying every part of him you possibly could with a towel, the rain hadn’t let up at all. He had the bright idea of reading together with you while the rain was still going, and of course, you agreed.

Sonic dragged his gloved finger down the spine of several books on your bookshelf; a collection of both of your favorites shelved between wooden walls. His finger stops on a thick, leather-covered book as he slips it out of its slot.

“Here it is!” The blue hedgehog exclaims, tugging it out, and you lock eyes with the cover title, tilting your head at his choice.

King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table again?

“What?” He murmurs, holding the book close to his chest once he sees your skeptical expression; as if you’re going to hurt the book's feelings. “It’s a good read!”

It reminds you of a detailed dream he described to you about this place called “Camelot”. Apparently, he was dubbed “Knight of the Wind”, and had a companion talking sword called Caliburn. You always ask him to retell it to you sometimes, since he does so in great detail, almost like he was truly there. But it sounds like a fairytale, albeit, a really interesting one.

“Just cause you can’t see how cool it is doesn’t mean I can’t read it myself.” Sonic huffs, his ear flicking as a soft chuckle leaves your throat at his defensive tone. Despite trying to fight it, a small smile spreads onto his face once he sees yours. Sonic can be so cute sometimes, despite his annoying cocky self.

Before you know it, he’s already making his way right to you, sitting down with a small grunt, and scooting closer to the point where your legs almost touch each other.

It almost shocks you that reading is all he wants to do right now, after being gone for so long. Usually you two would just mess around throughout the place, running and goofing off. However, the pattering of the rain on the roof does make for a nice ambiance. Along with the dim lighting of the room, it fills you with a sort of warmth you haven’t felt since he left.

As he flips through a couple of pages to get where he marked his last one, he peers up at you, feeling your gaze right on him. “If you don’t wanna read this one, I could always get something else for us.” Before you can even utter the words ‘it’s fine’, he’s already shutting the book and getting right back up on his feet, and you have to latch onto his wrist lightly, urging him to sit back down with you.

“You sure?” Sonic looks down at you, tilting his head to the side as you let go of him and pat the now vacant spot next to you. He smiles, sitting back down as his little tail wags, opening the book back to the spot he left off on. “Alright! But if you get bored, just tell me, okay?”

You got lucky enough to have such an enthusiastic narrator beside you, as he begins to tell you the tale with all the dramatic flair you had hoped for. But as the minutes passed, you both found comfort in just sitting and reading silently together, listening to the rain hit your roof and windows, with the occasional sound of the page-turning once you gave him the signal to do so.

At some point, you get a bit irritated with having to crane your head over to see the words on the page, and you scoot up closer to Sonic, and his gaze trails off the pages to your body beside him.

“What's up?” He says, an innocent look on his face, but then you push up against him further, finally getting a good view of said story resting in his lap. He moves his hand away from the left side of the book, letting your left hand replace his as you both hold the book together. “Oh,” Sonic says softly, a bit surprised, but open to the sudden closeness nonetheless as your right arm nudges him closer.

“You really wanna get closer to me, huh?” Sonic chuckles softly, his arm snaking around your lower back to rest on your hip. “Did you miss me that much while I was gone?” He teases quietly, pushing you closer to him as your legs press against him, but his grin falters once you grin and shake your head, tilting your head at him as you mention the sudden bouquet, gesturing to said flowers resting comfortably in the vase you put them in. Sonic has never been much of a gift-giver regarding romantic gestures, so what brought that up?

“Hey,” he mutters, his ears flicking down as he nudges you slightly, his usual confident and cocky flair faltering. “Don’t mention it. I just happened to pass by a flower field on the way home, so…” Sonic trails off, trying to fight an embarrassed frown on his face, and you can feel his cheeks heat up as he presses his face against your chest. “Just read with me. The rains even nice too. Sounds nice…”

How cute. He’s trying to change the subject. You lean over, pressing a kiss on the tip of his ear as it flicks over in your direction, followed by a soft giggle from him.

“C’mon, don’t do that; it tickles. You’re gonna distract me.” He taps the book with his thumb, still holding the right side as he looks up at you. “Man, do you even want to read with me at this point?” He pouts, tilting his head as your hand slowly drags down his hip, hugging him closer to you as an affectionate gesture. “I really did want to read with you, but if you’re not up for it…”

“We could always do something else to pass the time, yeah? I could think of a couple different things…”

[thebunnednun]

LA!Buggy the Clown x Fem!Reader Enchanted meeting Part 2

Clown fuckers of the world unite!

Part 1

Chapter 2 my loves! I forgot to mention this in my last post but please comment your thoughts! I want to see what you all found humorous and what you’d like to see more of. If there are any tags I missed feel free to comment on them! :3 <3 Btw, the reader almost kisses the clown. ON WITH THE SHOW! 

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“I can’t fucking believe you convinced us to do this.”

Zoro was being a drama mama in the corner of the massive tent you built. Who knew that a 120-berry tent would come in handy? After a little bit of sweet talking you managed to convince some of the entertainers to sell you a tent the Russian circus could be proud of.

Everyone was able to fit inside and even used the piles of salvageable goods for makeshift walls. Zoro had gotten ready in a black fitted vest and some casual grey slacks. You were applying some smoky black eyeliner and purple eye shadow with a light hand. “Sanji finally got Usopp to stop crying. I don’t think it’s healthy for him to be here right now. I mean he finally put down that piece of wood.” This ship was more than a vessel, it was your home. Where Sanji cooked meals, and everyone took their place beside each other. 

“Yeah, well, it would boost morale. Let’s try to put on a brave face for the others tonight." Your offer of reason just made him sigh, "Fine. But then back to reality." You roll your eyes and shoot him a smile. You knew Zoro was just being a butthead. Exiting your “room” together allowed you to bump into Robin and Chopper. “Looking cuter than usual, papa.” Chopper basked in the compliments and gave you a twirl. He found a big red bowtie and some matching blue shorts.

Robin was wearing a royal blue jacket that resembled a ringmaster's coat. She offered a warm but tired smile. “Where’s Usopp?” “Right here my sweets!~” Sanji emerged with a red-eyed Pinocchio. Sanji was dressed in simple black and blue attire while Usopp managed to find something of a forest green. You yourself decided on a vampy look. A black dress with red mesh for sleeves and a pair of deep red chunky heels. Who gives a shit about practically when you look sexy? 

Luffy emerged scratching his rear with Nami swatting his hand away. He was in his usual chances but was convinced to put on a normal T-shirt with a star design. Nami looked like a magician's assistant with a similar smoky black vest and plum skirt combo that complimented her figure nicely. Brooks looked as though he was auditioning for the part of a lion with how voluminous his fro was looking. 

You nodded at each other and he spoke, “I’d say we clean up rather nicely for having just been shipwrecked.” It was good to see him returning to his elegant self. “Of course, we can’t just parade around as is. So.. I brought masks!” You gleamed while holding up a shopping bag. A mix of groans and snickering.

Everyone took a mask that hid their face completely or partly. To be fair, it would be easy to spot the Straw Hat crew even without the literal skeleton following around. Seeing the sun begin to dip you all decided to get going before night. On the way everyone soon fell into pleasant conversation while following you and Zoro. 

“Okay, first we eat! Then, we can play games.” Luffy cheered while running to the outdoor food court. Zoro (finally smiling) rolled his eyes and chuckled,” I’ll go with him and make sure he doesn’t eat the stall itself.” Robin took Chopper to the bounce house while Sanji’s interest was captured by a woman in a red leotard. Usopp was looking around some of the merchant stalls and you were happy to trail behind Brooks as he began to try his bones at ring toss. 

The night was a serene affair with warm, salty air, and a gentle breeze that stirred the surrounding foliage. Sitting on a bench overlooking the vast expanse of the ocean, you felt a sense of happiness and contentment. As you looked around, you noticed that the darkness of the area was a bit creepy, but the beauty of the surroundings made up for it. Your friends had survived a shipwreck and were now enjoying the town's festival, but you had no idea what it was about.

Looking over the crowd, you saw many people, including children, wearing masks of all shapes and sizes. As the newest member of the group, you didn't even have a wanted poster yet. Since you always hid your face, there was no point in wearing a mask, right? 

Just as you were about to remove your sweaty mask, you heard deep chuckling, sounds of thunder, and children screaming. The mixture of sounds was strange and unnerving, and you felt a sense of curiosity rising within you. Turning away from the ocean, you followed the sounds and found yourself making your way towards the fun house.

Children began to pour through the back doors of the fun house as you did your best not to bump into anyone. Coincidentally, Brooks and Usopp had the same idea. “AHH Y/N DON’T DO THAT!” Usopp shrieked, jumping into Brooks' bony arms and immediately falling. The surrounding children found this amusing. “It’s not MY fault if you’re so jumpy.” You dusted off your heels and looked around. Things seem to be calmer now but something about the house seemed…. Off.

Brooks seemed to sense your discomfort. “Maybe the lady would prefer if we left this area? We could still catch up to the captain and grab some tea before the show.” You shook your head, ”Nah, I’ll be okay. Let’s go in together though. There’s something strange about this house.” 

Taking one last look at the outside the three of you stumble into the “fun” house. ‘Fun house my ass,’ you thought while trying to regain your footing. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness you realized it was indeed an old house. However, it was decorated more to the liking of some 1860s vampires. There was the faint smell of mothballs.

“This looks more like a horror house,” Usopp quipped and began touching the walls. Brooks was silent looking at a skeletal dummy in the corner. You placed a hand on his scapula,” Yeah buddy, try not to think about it too much.” Slowly you all made your way into a corridor that split into different hallways. “Do we split or stay together?” You wondered out loud. 

“Ya don’t get a choice, sweetheart.” A gruff voice answered. 

Suddenly the floor gave out from under your doormat, “Y/N!!” the unusual duo screamed with hands outstretched. You slide under the floor, barely missing their fingertips. A metal slide was delivering you somewhere but there could only be a basement under the house, right? Seeing a neon light at the end of the circular tunnel you stopped yourself before falling out completely. You placed a hand out to feel some surface before slipping and dropping onto a concrete floor.

“Fuck,” this was harder than the sandy landing you were blessed with earlier. After regaining your breathing and sitting up your eye finally adjusted and noticed that the neon light was actually multiple lights. Surrounding you was a maze of silly mirrors that distorted your image completely. “No wonder those kids got out. But NOOO I just had to bring Scooby and the gang in here!” You rubbed your sore ass before dusting off. Thankfully, your heels weren’t broken and you didn’t feel any bumps on your head. 

But, getting outta this one was going to take some skill. You notice that the wood surface you felt was another trapdoor that spits you out. However, it was already closed, and no telling when it would open again. Your only option would be to try the maze and do your best. Sighing you pulled out a little tube of red lipstick from your cleavage. Better to Hansel and Gretel your way out than be lost the whole night. That was if you made it out at all. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. The staff has to do a sweep and my friends wouldn’t leave without me anyway.’

The thoughts you offered yourself held comfort. But you’d be lying if you didn’t feel scared. Particularly, it felt as if someone was watching you. Looking around the room and doing a little head shake you strolled up to one of the mirrors and fixed yourself before uncapping the deep red lipstick and touching up your lips.

However, your gaze wandered and you could see something watching you from behind another mirror. “Ah!” you turned around suddenly with your back against the cold glass. Nothing, of course, was there. Simply a figure of your imagination. 

But, you knew something was there. And you began to mark each mirror with an angry red slash. Looking over your shoulder gave you little security. 

Wait….

Great, now you were hearing things. Because you could’ve sworn you heard a faint,” Yo ho,” and the sound of men's boots following you. “I need to get the fuck outta here.” Step, step, step, step, silence. What was the voice you heard before you fell? It was too deep to be Usopp but also not mature enough to be Brooks. Maybe someone over a monitor was watching you guys? Finally, with mercy, you reached a door that led to a staircase. Taking small quiet steps you held your breath and felt relief when you heard no sounds behind you. 

Just as you were about to reach the door it was flung open and strong cold hands grabbed you. “Y/N!!!” You felt a familiar long nose and afro in your face crushing you into a tight hug. Your sweet goofballs have found you! Returning the hug with much vigor you breathed a sigh of relief. “Now don’t you ever disappear through the floor again!” Brooks scolded, waving his arms widely. You let out a soft giggle and he couldn’t help but let the anger melt away. “I can’t promise anything. But what happened to you guys?” Usopp began to spin a wild tale about fighting off monsters and being the one to locate you. “There is Pinocchio ass goes again,” mumbled Brooks rolling his sockets. You could see why those kids were scared. But something deep down inside told you that it wasn’t because of the mirrors. “Let’s get outta here already. I’m sure the others are looking for us.” 

The trio made their way to the food court where Luffy was arguing the advertised size of a Jumbo Philly cheesesteak hotdog with an embarrassed Nami and Zoro patting his stomach. Robin was enjoying some warm tea in a travel mug and Chopper had gotten you a big soft pretzel. “Nice job papas,” you mused and rubbed his head affectionately. Sanji strolled up (having just been banned from the kissing booth) and handed Nami a cake plushie. “Something sweet for someone sweet~” She rolled her eyes but accepted the plush peace offering. You tried to shake off the past events but could see Brooks whispering to Luffy and Zoro. 

They looked at each other and continued to talk in hushed whispers. 

Looking around you realized the booths seemed to be… Deserted. There was no life in them anymore. “I think it’s time for the show. Let’s get going.” Zoro took the lead and everyone gathered their goods. He bumped his hip with yours slightly and you looked up from your pretzel. The green bean haired male raised a single eyebrow at you and you shrugged looking ahead. It’s not like you actually got trapped down there. It was just.. nothing. “It was nothing,” your explanation is accepted, for now, as the Green giant hummed in response. You decided to hang back a little and joined hands with Robin and Nami. Chopper got to ride on Usopp's shoulders for the sake of time. 

Arriving at the big top you all paid 4 bounty a ticket. It was a little dark when you first stepped in. Looking around you decided to take hold of Zoro's arm for a little help walking. Luffy whipped out a wad of cotton candy and you traded half your pretzel for it. A hum of excited children and families surrounded you all as everyone took their seats in the middle of the stands. 

Suddenly, the spotlight came on and a huge puff of smoke developed inside the ring. Whipping your eyes, you found yourself staring at all the performers. You even saw the lion from earlier! Searching for the man that gave you the flier your eyes tried capturing everyone from the sea of entertainers. Acrobats, jugglers, contortionists, and… a single clown?

His eyes were closed but he stood in the center of all the chaos. Around you, children and parents lost their minds cheering, clapping, and waving to all the performers. 

Finally, the clown opened his eyes. He wore a ringmaster's coat, nothing like Robins, and sported a blood-orange pirate hat. Two blue ‘ribbons’ (you guessed) hung from either side of his hat. The boots he wore didn’t look like performance shoes either. And the makeup he wore didn’t look like a typical clown. He had painted his mouth into a permanent blood-red smile. And then you noticed his nose. It looked as though he tapped a rather large orange to his face.

Wait. Did you just see the nostrils twitch as he breathed?

“Huh, that’s pretty strange-” “BINKY?!” Luffy shouted prompting Nami to immediately slap her hand over his loud mouth. “SHHHH!” she hissed into his ear. But she herself looked slightly worried.

The clown man immediately seemed to shift his focus on the group ahead of him. Zoro was now sitting tensely and at attention. “Psst, whose Binky?” you whispered. “Tell you later. Right now, we all need to leave this circus.” Your brow furrowed. Leave? Over a pirate clown?

“There’s no way we could get up without him seeing us,” said Usopp, putting a hand on your shoulder. You could tell his energy was off. “I knew I remembered that voice from somewhere.” Luffy’s smile deepened into a frown. Everyone was acting so fucking weird. You were about to voice your concerns when a familiar voice cut you off-

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, children of all ages, thank you, truly. It will be my personal pleasure to entertain you all this evening.~”

The clown had now stepped closer to your group. Zoro tugged your sleave but you couldn't help take your eyes off the flashy clown before you.

“Oh…”

You caught yourself about to speak but quickly bit your lips together. Not to be dramatic, but his eyes were a really fucking pretty shade of green. The blue tones around his eyes complimented them so well. You didn’t hear much of what he said, only noticing when he waved his hands at the other performers who either disappeared or got into place. 

Zoro couldn’t help but spare you a glance. “Y/n, are you seriously checking out the clown?!” He grunted through closed teeth. Quickly, you shook your head no and looked around that stadium. Luffy was still frowning. Nami was holding onto his arm and you could see Robin pull Chopper into her lap with Sanji putting a protective face on. “Damn, clown,” was all you heard from the seats next to you.

Placing your hand over Usopps, you try to offer him some comfort by running your thumb over his hand. The first act was a simple trapeze act with the performers mixing it up at the end by juggling and riding a unicycle out. Then there was the lion and sheep man but the routine wasn’t comedic. However, you couldn’t stop sweeping over the crowd looking for that green-eyed clown. 

And from the looks of things he had no problem finding you.

“Mmm,” you let go of your ruby lips to see him transfixed on your face, head tilted. Almost like he was studying you. You quickly looked away from the act and touched your cheek. Wait, Fuck. You must have dropped your mask in the funhouse when you fell. Looking out the corner of your side, you could still see him staring at you curiously. You decided to close your eyes and try to land back on earth.

‘Everything is going to be okay. I’m safe right here and Zoro will tell me what happened when we get back to the ship.’ The reasoning was stopped when you heard loud screams.

“OH MY GOD!”

A mother (presumably) had cried out along with many other children.

Opening your eyes, you saw the clown's body standing perfectly still as the lion’s face made a puffy expression.

“HE ATE HIS HEAD! HE ATE HIS HEAD!”

Regrettably, you couldn’t stop the, “Oh Shit!” that came out of your mouth causing you to gain a few harsh glares from the parents around. Unconsciously rising to your feet, you leaned in closer to see the damage done. “Where’s his blood?” A few children began to cry a disembodied voice could be heard from the lion.

The sheepman ran over, opened the lion's jaws, and the clown's body walked over and plopped his head back on like nothing happened. The stands fell silent once more before more cheering and screams EXPLODED from the people around you.

“Y/n sit down.”

Oops, forgot you were still standing.

The clown seemed to be drinking in all the attention and flashed an admittedly sexy smile. He raised his arms over his head and a hush fell over the people. “Thank you all for your attention. Now for this next act, I need a volunteer please.” If you weren’t interested before you sure were now, even if you didn’t raise your hand. Zoro, clearly annoyed began to tug at your hand, “Y/n sit-”

“Would the young lady with the cherry red lips please step forward?”

You were blinded once more by the other spotlight as you held your hands up to protect your vision. The light dimmed a bit and you could see everyone, staring at you expectantly, excluding your crew mates.

They were busy staring at the clown in front of you with an outstretched hand. Taking his cue, he shot you a wink and urged you forward. If only your feet would cooperate.

“Don’t be shy now. I don’t bite~” he teased while flashing his teeth. You’d be lying if you said that didn’t do something for you. Not to mention there was this little heartbeat down there that started-

“Aww, maybe she’s shy. Everyone! Let’s give this young lady a round of applause!”

He raised his arms once again and began to clap along with everyone. A single gloved hand shot out towards you urging you to take its hold. Softly pressing your smaller hand into it you were then gently tugged forward towards the ring. 

However, you couldn’t feel your legs and as you stepped forward your heels betrayed you again, leading you to tumble down the stands into the arms of the clown before you with your lips-”

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And that wraps up chapter two, my loves!!

Part 3 Here!

Please remember to follow and like! Also don't be shy in the comment section! Requests are also open. See you all soon! <3

[littlebird-99]

If you’re still struggling with writers block and your ask post still applies then: number 42 and Thorin Oakenshield 🖤

Paper Rings

Thorin x Reader

A/N: thank you so much for this ask!! Yes, the ask post still applies! I hope you enjoy this!

Summary: Thorin and Y/N have been secretly together for a year, what happens when the boys asks her about marriage to their uncle?

Warnings: fluffy, slight song lyrics from Paper Rings by Tayler Swift

I never believed in love at first sight, well, that was until Thorin Oakenshield and his company came through my small town, as soon as those blue eyes of his met mine, oh you bet I was done for. That was two years ago, now we’re in Erebor, the mountain was claimed, Smaug was defeated, and Thorin and everyone is healed and we started working on fixing everything, hoping everything was back to normal.

“Y/N!” I roll my eyes as I hear two sets of feet running towards me, I quickly move out of the way so I don’t get trampled just as they stop, they’re breathing heavy. I look towards both Fili and Kili as they lean on their knees, panting slightly before the finally catch their breathe.

“Would you ever consider marrying our uncle? We really need to know the answer!” Kili spilled out quickly, earning a smack from his older brother, who quickly offers another answer, “it’s for a bet we have with Bofur and Nori, Ki and I think you would, but those two don’t think so.”

I feel my face heat up slightly before I smile at the boys, “I’m not answering that. Nice try you two… but go run along and tell Bofur and Nori whatever lie you wish.” I state before continuing my journey towards the gardens.

The truth is, I would marry Thorin, there’s been many times where it’s hard to not spit it out and tell the stubborn dwarf king my feelings.

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool

When you jumped in first, I went in too

I'm with you even if it makes me blue

Which takes me back

To the color that we painted your Nephews (brother's) wall

Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws

We wouldn't be standing here so tall

Flashback

“Y/N!!” I turn just in time to see Thorin jump in the pool, my eyes go wide as I take off his fur, “are you mad?! You’ll catch a cold!” I grin before I jump in after him, “what were you thinking?!” He gives a small shrug, “I need a laugh, with rebuilding Erebor, trying to fix things with Bard and Thranduil, as well as get everyone from the Blue Mountain here… I haven’t had much time to relax.”

I let out a laugh as I start to shiver, pull my clothes tighter to my body, “you? Relax? That’s never happened over the year I’ve known the almighty Thorin Oakenshield. You’re far too stubborn and pig headed to do that. You like things done in a-“ I get cut off with the feeling of something pressed to my lips, but it’s quickly pulled away and thorin is grinning ear to ear. “You’re far too blue for my liking right now, let’s get you warmed up, can’t have my favorite lady getting a cold now.”

From that day, he’s been infesting my thoughts, my dreams, that idiot has taken up every waking moment. The only things that’s changed since then, is the courting bead secretly braided in both our hair, no one knows besides Balin, but it’s been easier now that it’s getting closer to winter and I wear my hood everyday.

“And what is my queen doing out here?” I grin hearing that familiar deep voice from behind me, I turn after checking before throwing my arms around Thorin, his arms finding their spot around my waist as he picks me up, “hiding from your nephews who asked me a very strange question today….” He pulls away quickly, setting me down as he looks at me, “I… what was it?”

“If I’d ever marry you… said it was for a bet between themselves and Nori and Bofur…” I smile, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek before I pull away completely, “but, I do have to go help Bombur with supper, so I’ll see you tonight, my King.” I take off just before he could stop me, knowing he’d have a talk with me about that later.

*Time Skip*

Soon it’s time for bed, everyone makes their way to their own rooms, I’m taking my own sweet time since I’ve moved most of my belongings to Thorin’s, as I’ve been staying there every night. Once everyone has gone to bed I finally make it to his room, slipping in quietly. I turn closing the door and look at Thorin, who was already sitting at the foot of his bed, I hold up a hand to stop him from talking, “let me say something first, please.” He gives me a nod and watched me as I take a deep breathe.

“I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings. and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this Darling, you're the one I want In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams Oh, you're the one I want. I want to drive away with you. I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays.” I watch him as I talk, making sure to gauge his reaction, “I want everything that you have to offer me, Amrâlimê. I want to be your queen, but I don’t need shiny things.”

Before I could even react, he is off the bed and pulling me into his arms, crashing his lips into mine, “I love you, my Arkenstone…” his whispers against my lips, “my gem I wish to never get rid of… I will make you a paper ring as long as you always repeat those words to me.. I love you, Y/N, Queen Under the Mountain.”

“I love you, Thorin, King Under the Mountain. Forever and always.” I whisper kissing him again softly.

“ABOUT TIME FOR MAHALS SAKE!! It took you both forever! Now to plan a wedding!” I hear Kili and Fili both yell through the door before they’re running down the hall.

“I’m going to imagine that was never said, and continue enjoying our night betrothed..” Thorin mutters as he picks me up after moving one arm under my thighs and holding me bridal style, “sounds wonderful to me, my love.”

[anystalker707]

3 a.m.

Pairing: Pastel! Frank x Punk! Reader Word count: ~ 1 800 Genre: Fluff / Comfort Summary: (Y/n) loves to take Frank on dates in the middle of the night, and he loves it just the same. A/N: not proofread ! originally posted on wattpad, not adapted I hope you didn't think this turned into an one piece-only acc

MASTERLIST

“I can’t believe you’re really here! Oh, God!”

“I told you I was coming over, didn’t I? Don’t be so surprised!”

Frank clicked his tongue and pressed his lips together, looking around for a moment. “Still! Come in before anyone notices! You know how Mrs. Mary can be!” He said in a rushed whisper and opened the back door of his house further. Mrs. Mary was an annoying neighbor who had a stupidly great view of Frank’s house and never used it for any good—she’d seen way more than she should have, which resulted in you doing her groceries in exchange for her silence, which resulted in you and Frank spending half of your day wandering around the supermarket to find all the specific brands she wanted, an experience you didn’t wish to go through again.

You walked in with an anxious giggle, which had Frank rolling his eyes whilst closing the door behind you. In contrast to the outdoors, his house was warm, even if the lights had been turned off already for over a couple of hours, which made you feel how cold your body actually was. Your eyes took a moment to adjust to the new lighting, but you soon could recognize the familiar kitchen.

“Let’s go upstairs.” Frank grabbed your hand to guide you to the stairs, which you climbed carefully with the lack of light—even the lightest creak of the steps sounded impossibly loud in the deadly quiet house. It felt like his parents would show up any second before you rushed into his room. “You’re crazy!” He sounded like he was complaining, but that cute expression didn’t trick you.

“Crazy for you!” You grinned in response before throwing yourself on the bed, careful not to crush any of his Squishmallows or other plushie. His bedroom was the cutest thing ever, from the themed up computer set to the stickers on the dresser, all matching his pastel aesthetic. It was a little messy just like always, but it was more in a ‘I’m using it too often to keep it in place’ rather than a careless sense. He stood there, giving you a look. “Stop being sulky, I didn’t show up at your house at 3 in the morning so I wouldn’t get a single little bit of love!” You mirrored his expression, pouting as well, and sat on the bed with your arms open invitingly.

“If we get caught, I’ll say you broke in,” he mumbled with a hum and took a seat on your lap, easily melting against your—you ended up groaning and complaining quietly while hugging him back tightly, ignoring his little giggles.

“Annoying little thing,” you said against the side of his face. “You’re lucky you’re way too cute for me to get mad at you.” His cheek was warm under your lips given how much he was blushing with all of it, tugging on the sleeves of his pajamas—they had multiple pastel colors that gradiently mixed with one another in a cute pattern; your fingers ran over the fabric, playing a little with the edge of the sleeve until your hand slipped in his. "Were you sleeping?”

He shook his head. “Nah.”

“Waiting for me?” You smirked, watching him blush more and shake his head again. “You were!”

“No!” Frank groans and points to his computer. “I was watching Kaichou Wa Maid-Sama, see?” The screen was paused mid episode, indeed, but it still didn’t exclude the possibility he was watching it while waiting for you, hence you still raised an eyebrow at him; Frank groaned, hiding his face on your shoulder. Eventually, he just rested his head there, sighing while playing with one of your jacket’s zippers.

“Up for a night ride? I’m by bike and the night’s not cloudy,” you offered, remembering the mental note of taking him to the skate park.

“This late? We always go earlier...” His eyebrows furrowed a little.

“I’m used to it, nothing happens.” Your hand ran up and down his arm in a soothing manner that slowly got the idea in his head. “Not down to having some adventure?”

Frank pursed his lips, mocking your teasing form with a roll of eyes. “Adventures? You’re just reckless. Do you remember that time you and your friends got on the neighborhood watch? Yeah, that’s what I’m avoiding!” Despite his words, he got up and moved to the dresser, pulling some baggy pastel green jeans from the drawer.

“Not fair!” You clicked your tongue, lying down on your side with your head held up by your arm. “Like, loitering wasn’t a thing in that area, we were allowed to hang out and stuff, not to mention we weren’t talking so loud that he had to get up at 5 in the morning to complain!”

A long, fakely amused hum came from Frank as he shot you a look; your shrug made him scoff. He opted for just ignoring your chuckling while he took off his pajama pants, revealing the cute heart-pattern boxers he has on—keeping your eyes away from it was hard, even if he started grumbling under his breath and threw his pajama pants at you.

“No need to be annoying!”

“Shut up, I don’t want my parents to wake up!” He hushed even if you weren’t even talking that loud, but you just fell silent—you weren’t ready to face Linda and the elder Frank in late night hours again. In his jeans and a soft purple sweater, he slipped on his matching Chuck Taylors before turning to you, nodding. “Let’s go?”

You hummed in agreement while standing up, eyes never leaving his until you pulled him closer by his hands to peck his lips—okay, maybe just a little peck wasn’t enough, so it ended up in a chain of kisses until he rushed you to leave, doing it as quietly as when you got it.

The Harley bike was parked down the street, far enough so his parents nor Mrs. Mary would be suspicious of a thing. Frank had his heart fluttering each time you would come over with that helmet you bought specially for him—he never piped a word about it, but it was soft purple with cute stickers all over it the way he would’ve asked for; his favorite was one with a black bat right next to a white one because it reminded him of you two.

“Helmet,” you reminded as you handed it to him before helping him hop on the bike, also putting on your helmet so you could do the same. “Be careful and hold on tight, okay?” You kicked the rest then started it; you could feel him nodding whilst hugging you from behind, head leaned against your back.

“Be careful!”

“Of course!” You promised. “Can’t risk anything with the love of my life.

There was a 24/7 convenience store some minutes away from Frank’s place, where you decided to make a stop first. He seemed a bit confused, but remained silent while following you into the store, only hit by realization when you stopped by the snacks aisle and looked at him questioningly. Frank wasn’t always fond of the idea of you spending money on him, though it was something he learned to be useless to argue against. He did his best not to look guilty under your eyes while he grabbed things both of you liked.

Frank had the plastic bag with him when you got back on the bike and went to your final destination. The old skate park was a place used only by the older skateboarders during the day—only people who refused to move to the new one because they already had stories among the graffitied walls. The place’s glory days ended since the new one was downtown, and not a lot of people wanted to go there just to ride up and down bowls everyday.

“Wow, you did listen when I commented about your crazy adventures!” Feigning surprise, Frank shot you a look.

“Where did you expect me to take you?” You clicked your tongue with an equally genuine annoyance.

The two of you sat on the edge of one of the bowl’s, legs hanging from the edge—it wasn’t the first time you did it, but he was still a little apprehensive, clutching onto you as he crouched down before taking a seat. The concrete felt cold under you, but nothing that wouldn’t pass in a couple of minutes. Stars shone above you, decorating the sky beautifully even if not as brightly as you would’ve wanted given the city lights.

Frank shrugged. “To be taken under the neighborhood’s watch as well.”

A chuckle escaped your lips as you shook your head. “You know I always do what you want.” You grabbed what you wanted from the plastic bag then handed it to him—Frank giddily stuck the cotton candy lollipop inside his sweater’s pocket then opened a marshmallows’ bag, throwing one in his mouth before offering them to you. “No, thanks, baby.” You pecked his cheek then his lips, gaining a pleased hum in response whilst you opened a can, taking a sip of your drink.

“I love it when you take me to places,” Frank muttered.

“Oh?”

“Yeah! Even more when it’s by bike!” He paused to eat another sweet. “It’s always something new and awesome, no matter how simple it is, like today! Maybe it’s just because I’m with you, I don’t know, but I love it!” He chuckled shyly, pushing a strand of hair to behind his ear.

You threw your arm around Frank’s shoulder, nuzzling his hair softly; it smelled like fruits. “I’m happy to know that! Do you prefer cuddling or going out like this?”

Frank’s mouth opened and closed a few times, then groaned in frustration. “I don’t know. Depends on my mood.”

With your drink placed away, you hugged him close to leave kisses all over Frank’s face, snatching from him the cutest giggles ever. “You eat so many sweets that you’re starting to taste like one,” you joked with a nibble on his jaw, enough to make him flush and melt in your arms.

“And you taste really—” He interrupted himself then cleaned his throat. “Nevermind.”

You laughed. “Oh, what was that?”

“(Y/n)!” He buried his face in his hands with a groan, adorably.

“Oh, baby,” you sighed while slowly uncovering his face, pressing kisses on the areas you managed to uncover. “Have I ever said I love you?”

“Yes, and I love me as well!” Frank was still blushing when he pulled his hands away and instead cupped your face, pushing your cheeks together with his palms.

“Mmmm, y’know...” You mumbled a little incoherently. “Doing this to me isn’t exactly very punk rock,” you joked much to his amusement, making him chuckle.

“Dating you isn’t exactly soft of me,” Frank retorted with a funny bitter expression, but here we are! I love you, too, idiot!” He pressed his lips to yours. “A lot.”

‿̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿

[steadyblazestrawberry]

Okay so this is my brain vibing off of someone having a yandere school post that was really fun to read on here (if I find it again, I’ll edit and link it here), as well as the idea of kind of bringing your different yanderes together into one big free for all. I’ve turned them all into AI bots at some point, being tired of writing and having to edit into the air and now it just seems like a find of fun idea to shove them all into the mad house of a school. For yandere.

Attendees of the 2028 Graduating Class of Deredere Yanderu are:

X from “Yandere Hunter” - X is a scholarship student and as such isn’t a vetted yandere, so he doesn’t get along with his classmates, at all. He drives here from a rural mountainside town and ‘enjoys’ more outdoor activities like archery, shooting, and other hunting style sports, putting his scores high enough to allow him to fly under the radar. If one were to truly evaluate him, one could say he was a Kuudere, but that probably wouldn’t be done anytime soon, right?

Ayano Kurosugi from “KuroShiro” - Rumor has it he’s the kid of a yakuza boss, but it doesn’t explain why he never talks… at all. He just stares out the window, constantly. When he’s not acing the “kidnap” role-plays in class, he’s running from the security guards because he got caught smoking… again. Once or twice, someone swore they heard him speaking on the phone, but they went missing right after. Guess they didn’t hear anything.

Sebastian Vane from “the Vane Family Matters” - The younger Vane twin, Sebastian is the sweeter, more puppy-like of the two brothers. He’s less likely to be found in a group of people, but that doesn’t make him less of a yandere. Being the child of a yandere couple, he’s well aware of how, when, and why the song and dance of acquiring a Darling works, and isn’t afraid a shed a few tears and bash a few heads to get his way. All’s fair in love and war, right?

Sean Vane from “the Vane Family Matters” - The older Vane twin, Sean is the more confident and forwards of the two brothers, being called cat like for his prowling in the shadows for information on his Darlings and their enemies. While he’d prefer to ignore his brother’s needy cries when his plans backfire, he will help him, knowing it will make him look good in the eyes of his own Darling, who doesn’t love a hero? And if he and his brother end up with the same Darling, well, all’s fair in love and war, right?

Art isn’t mine. I wish I drew, but I just need the images to help my brain keep stuff strain while I work.

[laxmiree]

[CN] 5th Anniversary - Lucien (Star Plaza)

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

This post contains a detailed spoiler for a story that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

“In fact, whether it's camping or soaking in the hot springs later on, it's fine!”

“Because we are together 24 hours a day, always inseparable (ﾉﾟ∀ ﾟ)⁠ﾉ”

~

“The scene we are experiencing right now, what do you think it looks like?”

“...Like us.”

“Like us who are sometimes catching up to each other, like us who are sometimes approaching each other, and like us who are sometimes becoming so far away.”

✧ 5th Anniversary Event | Prologue | Creative Workshop | King Fuk Street | Wonderland | Star Plaza (You’re here!) | Final Day- Heart Rain Lake | Roast! | Truth and Dare Pinball Machine | Random Event tidbits

(T/N: since every day basically follows the same routine of MC waking up in their hotel room to find Lucien not doing anything about his ‘report’ (lol), being suspicious about it, and then Lucien diverting her suspicion, for now I’ll only translate the main part of the story and add other parts (hotel room) later~)

MC: Lucien, I just heard that the hotel's hot spring is finally open to the public!

MC: When we come back at night, let's take a dip together to relieve fatigue, shall we?

Lucien: Okay. I looked at the weather this morning, and it said no clouds today.

Lucien: It is highly recommended for couples to see the stars outdoors, so...

Lucien: Originally, I was going to take you camping.

Lucien: But it looks like the stars will have to step in line tonight.

MC: In fact, whether it's camping or soaking in the hot springs later on, it's fine!

MC: Because we are together 24 hours a day, always inseparable (ﾉﾟ∀ ﾟ)⁠ﾉ

MC: It is indeed the largest shopping street in the park. It is really bustling!

MC: Luckily, I wear flat shoes so I can walk all day without any worries.

Lucien: Don't worry, there are many taxis here.

Lucien: If we get tired of walking, we can also take a taxi straight to the hotel.

MC: That's good to hear! Oh, I see.

MC: Next, I will use my strength without reservation to-

MC: Shopping and browsing like crazy!

Lucien: Then my clever lady, let's go now.

Although it was Lucien's suggestion to come here, we seemed to be just strolling around aimlessly.

This makes my previous doubts and suspicions even more puzzling…

So, I can't help but peek at him along the way, trying to find any "clues".

But this person who seems to have predicted my prediction is almost to the end of the street, and still did not act in a particular way          

…Is it true that I am overthinking?

But my instinct tells me otherwise.

I saw a long line in front of a store and thought about my previous experiences with long lines, so I took a peek at him again.

But Lucien didn't pay much attention and was about to pass the end of the queue.

At that moment, an idea came to my mind, and I stopped to point at the long line.

MC: Lucien, let's go over there, shall we? There seems to be some kind of event there.

Lucien: Okay.

When we finally got in line, we got a clear idea of the event's rules from the promotional video playing on the wall.

This place is a mirror maze house. Participants need to start from different places and to find each other without stopping.

There are three chances to talk to each other on the way, and each time is limited to 15 seconds.

Clerk: If you two have understood the rules, get the walkie-talkie and get ready to go!

Then, Lucien and I were taken to different entrances.

After lifting the curtain by myself, I saw countless mirrors, and there were also countless me in the mirrors.

Under the bright light, I took a few steps. I started to get "dizzy" and soon lost my way.

MC: …It doesn't seem that simple.

I muttered in a low voice, and suddenly there was a noise on the intercom, followed by the sound of a familiar voice.

Lucien: MC, can you hear me?

Lucien: Have you decided which food restaurant you want to visit at night?

Hearing him just casually chatting, I couldn't help but smile, and my initial nervousness slowly relaxed.

MC: I want to eat hot pot, but Professor Lucien… Don't you consider this a waste of precious contact time?

Lucien: For me, the walkie-talkie is just a way to talk to you.

Lucien: So I didn't want to waste it on information exchange because we will surely encounter each other.

MC: Hahaha, that's true-

Without waiting for me to finish, there was a zap from the intercom, and the signal was automatically cut off.

MC: The staff is too accurate in timing. They don't even give one more extra second......

As I kept walking, I couldn't help but mutter in a low voice, while mentally figuring out what dishes I wanted to order for the hot pot tonight.

I don't know how long I walked, but I saw Lucien's figure finally appear in the mirror before me, and my heart rejoiced.

MC: Lucien!

I walked quickly toward him, but he turned around and disappeared when I was about to meet him.

So it was just a reflection in the mirror…

But now that he's in sight, it means we're very close.

With this in mind, I looked around and soon saw him again on the back left.

This time I ran directly toward Lucien, but once again, I ran into a dismayed version of myself in the mirror.

MC: The mirror is too deceptive…

I secretly complained and continued to search for Lucien's figure without giving up–

Time passes, and I "pass by" Lucien again and again.

At times we were looking at each other in close proximity, and at other times I felt as if he wasn't looking at me.

The sudden distances and nearness gradually connected my inner confusion with my previous guesses.

Finally, I couldn't resist pressing the walkie-talkie.

MC: Lucien, I have a question. Have you been preparing something?

Across the walkie-talkie, there was a moment of silence and the sound of shallow breathing.

Lucien: I have nothing prepared today.

I was stunned, and he seemed to be admitting many things implicitly.

The next thing that broke the moment's silence was the noise of the signal interruption. But soon, a third call came over the walkie-talkie.

Lucien: MC, the scene we are experiencing right now, what do you think it looks like?

I did not stop, looking at the distant Lucien from me suddenly getting closer and farther away. I pursed my lips.

At this moment, many answers emerged in my mind and then condensed into the one and only answer.

MC: ...Like us.

MC: Like us who are sometimes catching up to each other, like us who are sometimes approaching each other, and like us who are sometimes becoming so far away.

I seemed to understand something, so I kept running with firm steps. Because I knew that even though there were obstacles, we were always on the road to each other.

Soon, an all-too-familiar voice came from nearby.

Lucien: MC.

Lucien: I always ask myself why I will come to your side.

Lucien: But I found that from start to finish, there was only one answer to this.

I subconsciously followed the sound, and after taking a step toward the glass on my side, Lucien miraculously appeared in front of me.

This time, it is no longer the false illusion but the reality of each other.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[T/N: Final Day/Segment is after this!]

[paperficwriter]

"Tipping the Scales" (Good Omens, Aziraphale x Crowley)

Look, all I'm saying is I posted this yesterday before watching the end of Season 2 and it exists and I'm sticking to it, okay?

Cut is for length and for content. AO3 link and tags in the reblog.

It started, quite appropriately enough, in a garden. No, not that garden. This was the Kew Gardens in London, and Aziraphale and Crowley had found themselves very specifically in the outdoor enclosure among rocks and waterfalls. Perhaps there was a little miracling involved to keep people from noticing them sitting atop one of the large, flat ledges, but nothing too extraordinary.

Unless you took a closer look and realized that it was one angel and one very unnaturally large snake. Well, serpent , if you asked him. Because serpent was quite a lot more impressive, wasn’t it?

“Mmm…” Crowley shifted, his coils sliding together in a circle like a tight spiral. “Thisssss isss the life.”

“Yes,” Aziraphale agreed. All around them, the lush green grass and vibrant flowers shimmered in the breeze, and the sunshine made the whole rock quite warm, which had been exactly why Crowley wanted them perched on this one, so he could soak it all up into his scales. He didn’t have to, of course, but that wasn’t why he did that - or anything - at all. 

Aziraphale was not paying attention to anything but Crowley. Lifting a hand, he put it down on the spot right behind Crowley’s thick skull and stroked back, the muscles shifting as he wondered over the silky sensation of the flattened scales. He kept moving around, going deeper, until a child throwing a stone into the pool (and being scolded) made him jump a little. “Oh! Forgive me, I should have asked.”

“Sssince when do I give a fig about you asssking, angel?” 

“I was just...I’m so curious.” Aziraphale returned to touching, putting a bit more pressure on the thickest part of Crowley’s long body. His fingers couldn’t get anywhere near far enough around it to say he was holding it. “Does it feel different, being touched like this?”

“In a way. It’sss like...more distance between the inside and the outside. Harder. Feelsss more protected.”

“Are you comfortable being moved around in it?” To make his point, Aziraphale reached down and hefted the first quarter or so of his body up across his lap...and immediately regretted it. Not because of the weight, no, but for how it was distributed, and, more importantly, where.

“Well enough,” Crowley responded. He brought his body up, across Aziraphale’s chest rather like the world’s densest seatbelt. His head rested on his shoulder, chuckling in his ear. “You ssseem quite interested in thisss. I’d love to know why…”

That was the moment Aziraphale felt entirely much too close. Caught. “Oh, my, someone seems to have come into the store. Knew I should have slipped my mind. Er, flipped the sign. Er, pardon me for a few, dear!”

And with a small fluttering poof, Aziraphale was gone, and all Crowley had was an angel-sized hot spot to curl into.

—————————————————————-

A few days later, Crowley, once again in full flash bastard form, wandered his way up to the loft above the bookshop. “Taking a kip, angel. Shout if you need anything.”

“I’ll have tea ready when you get up!” Aziraphale announced cheerfully from below, going back to shelving several new books by some popular authors (yes, the Apocalypse That Wasn’t really had changed many things, and not just between the two of them).

Crowley curled up on his side facing the window, listening to the bustling street below. It was easier to sleep with a bit of noise, he found. Soon enough, his arm had dropped off the edge of the metal frame bed covered in quilts and wonderfully-worn pillows, but instead of touching the hardwood floor, he found himself caressing a book. No, two books.

One of them was very old, and on the cover was a creature he quickly recognized: a naga, half-snake and half-human. This one had its tits out, long flowing hair, and a long tail that disappeared off the illustration. A Study in Mythological Creatures, Volume 3: Reptiles.  

And then Crowley picked up the second one, and his gold eyes went huge. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns. This one certainly left little to the imagination; the paperback textbook showed a photograph depicting someone in a state of rather complete undress, eyes covered with a padded blindfold, arms crossed over their chest with shackles around each wrist.

“The Romance and...Sexual Sorcery of...Sadomasochism,” Crowley read to himself. “Oh, angel…”

Below, Aziraphale had a small sneeze. 

Later that night, over a light supper of balti curry with naan, with some British baking show that Aziraphale had been obsessed with for the past ten years and had recently pulled Crowley into, Crowley casually let his fingers play at the back of Aziraphale’s neck. He watched with interest as there were subtle changes to his partner’s responses: more rapidly blinking eyes. Quicker breaths. Spoon hovering over his meal but never dipping in again.

He slid his fingers up into his hair to the knuckles and squeezed. Oh, now that was a delicious expression Aziraphale made, eyes fluttering shut, lips parting just slightly more. Crowley firmly brought his head over and kissed him, grinning at how they were a bit slack. “Aziraphale, ” he said.

“Y-yes, dear?”

“I think we should take a pause on the show…” He leaned in to lick his throat, each part of his forked tongue following either side of Aziraphale’s Adam’s apple. “Don’t you?”

“...yes. Good idea.”

—————————————————————-

It didn’t stop there, of course. It was painfully easy to get Aziraphale on his knees begging for more. There were so many things that the angel responded to readily: a blindfold over his eyes, settling between Crowley’s legs while he pressed the toe of a shined shoe under his chin, and then there was the spanking.

He might have worried that being called ‘naughty’ or any other sort of playful but still negative term might make Aziraphale spiral a bit but he did take it in stride. If anything it made his prick harder, it made his cunt behind it wetter, it made him clench so tantalizingly. 

But what really ruined him, he found out, was when he had the soft angel in his lap, sitting with his back to Crowley’s front, and when he reached around him to palm his cock, the human skin of his hand shimmered and changed to snake scales. “Oh, by every dominion—!” Aziraphale had all but squealed, and then he came so swiftly, and so hard, that Crowley may or may not have found some in his hair later.

The whole thing really was fun, but Crowley had spent too long with Aziraphale. The guilt that he had come across his lover’s desires in a way that wasn’t exactly direct or through honest communication made him feel queasy and not altogether as fine with it as he might have a century ago. 

They were sitting on their usual bench with pieces of fruit now, because some London organization had made quite a to-do about feeding bread to ducks (and Crowley suspected it might have been his side’s doing, to cause the humans more stress and to make the ducks a bit more unhappily aggressive— after all, tell someone to have an apple instead of a croissant and see how well that goes over). 

Crowley was getting glared at by a particularly tenacious-looking mallard when he let the cat out of the bag, confessing how he had found the books the afternoon he had napped in the loft.

He waited for Aziraphale’s thin smile, his ‘I forgive you your discretions,’ but instead he blushed and looked down. “Well, that is probably for the best, because I may or may not have left them there. Quite on purpose. Hoping they might…” He swallowed. “Tempt you. I have been quite ashamed this whole time.”

Crowley screwed up his face in doubt. “You really expect me to believe that, angel?”

Aziraphale seemed to take more exception to that than to the matter at hand. “I have a perfectly good fainting couch, a century-old chestnut desk and a fireplace, Crowley. Why on earth would I read in bed?”

“Fair enough.” Crowley flipped his small bag of halved grapes and watermelon out into the grass for the begrudging pair of gadwalls that had come waddling about, all so he could reach over to grasp Aziraphale’s wrist. “So...that means I don’t have to be coy anymore.”

Aziraphale flushed, and although he still scattered his own diced cocktail across the pond, it was quicker, in larger handfuls. “Have you been coy to this point? My reddened buttocks might not have noticed.”

Crowley let himself soak in the pleasure of leaning in and getting a gasp from Aziraphale as he pressed his lips under his ear. “I have been holding onto one idea. If you’re feeling adventurous, of course.”

“Aren’t I always?” Aziraphale replied in a way that did not sound particularly like a ‘yes,’ but then he did add, “When it comes to you, I mean.”

One light kiss. “When it comes to me,” Crowley agreed.

—————————————————————-

“Clothes off, angel. Don’t make me wait.”

One might think that it was only because Crowley did very much like issuing orders to Aziraphale (nearly as much as Aziraphale enjoyed taking them) that he was already telling him what to do from his perch on the bed, a crimson silk robe hanging off his long, thin body. But actually, the latter part of the statement fit his mood. He didn’t want to wait. He wanted Aziraphale, and he wanted him now. 

“Not with magic,” he added, when Aziraphale raised his fingers as he tended to before miracling away his trappings. “With your hands.”

He watched through those golden slits as Aziraphale pulled back layer after layer of linen and tartan, of the soft undergarments he liked to wear - even though Crowley enjoyed teasing him about them not exactly being flattering, and that he was fairly sure they were at least eighty years old - all until he came to his socks and garters.

“Leave those,” Crowley ordered. A slim eyebrow went up. “I like them. But you know that, don’t you? That’s why you wear them, harlot.”

Aziraphale’s cheeks went pink. He knew better than to try to say that, no, he did in fact wear them to keep his socks up, because that would make Crowley quite cross. And tonight, he didn’t want Crowley crossed. He wanted his orders. He wanted his dominance. But he didn’t specifically want his ire.

“Stand up straight. Let me have a real look at you.” Crowley rose from the bed and moved around Aziraphale, humming as his palms slid along ivory flesh. “Yes...I think you’ll do nicely. One of heaven’s prizes.”

“Don’t say that too loud. You could... someone could hear.”

Crowley took Aziraphale’s chin in his hand, licking across his mouth with a long, forked tongue in a way that made the angel’s knees weak. “Maybe I would like them to be listening. Maybe I want them to hear all those sweet symphonies that come out of your pretty throat.”

Aziraphale’s moan shook as Crowley made another pass around him, this time to bring his arms back, connecting them at the wrist and tying them with the silk sash from his robe. This time, when he stepped around him, Aziraphale could feel something slide at his feet, at his socked ankles, which was the start of Crowley’s tail as his legs came together to form the base of his snake shape.

“Yes, a pretty little bird to devour. You like being my prey, don’t you, soft thing?”

Crowley had considered telling Aziraphale to loose his wings so he could crush those too between his coils and Aziraphale’s body, feeling the feathers bend and make their strange ethereal noises, like a handful of harp strings being gripped in one’s fist. But he didn’t want to get too carried away. Immortal though they were, wings were sensitive things, and a pretty easy way to make or break the mood.

“Yes, yes I do,” Aziraphale whimpered. It was endearing how easily he fell into the submissive role. It was especially becoming on him, now after the Near End of Everything, when Crowley had seen what a brave, powerful soul he had when the chips were down. 

Aziraphale gasped as more of Crowley’s tail grew and wrapped around him. Now, it was easily twice the length his legs usually were, the scales all the way to the line under his chest. Around and around he went, tightening and pinning Aziraphale’s arms to his sides. These bodies of theirs...they didn’t have to let them function the same as human bodies - and Heaven and Hell knew that they did have some fun with the in’s and out’s (Crowley’s substantial cock, how Aziraphale personally identified well with both) - but they tended to, so when Crowley squeezed, he could find the thrumming of Aziraphale’s heart, could hear his breath quicken. And both his cock and heat were responding in time

“Still good, babe?” he whispered quietly, grin spreading as Aziraphale nodded. He kissed him, a reward for his bravery, for the gorgeous package he had let himself become, and Aziraphale’s arms flexed like he was trying to reach for him. The squirming only made Crowley’s cock slide out of him, with quite a bit of slick to it, standing.

“Oh my,” Aziraphale breathed, eyes locking on it. This wasn’t his usual human instrument; Crowley had taken some creative liberties with giving it a few extra bumps, making it a bit more curved with a solid base, the head smooth and tapered. He might have been a little worried that Aziraphale would call him out for it not being entirely accurate, but given the way he was staring at it…

“Don’t worry, angel. You’ll be getting that very shortly. If you ask for it nicely.”

Aziraphale tried to spread his legs for it, but it was futile in the rings of powerful muscle. “Please, Crowley, yes, please!”

“What was that, Aziraphale? Not sure I heard you…”

“Please!” Now he was needy, tears shimmering at the corner of one eye. Crowley kissed them away gently. “Please…”

He gave him exactly what he wanted, then. He slid his cock inside of him, every ridge bumping the wet cavern of Aziraphale’s body. “You just have to take it,” he said, biting at the shell of Aziraphale’s ear. “While I’m holding you, you’ll take the pleasure I give and like it. ”

He said it like it was a threat, and Aziraphale took it as such, though in the most excited way. Crowley moved him up and down, pressed in to meet every downward thrust. The tip of his tail found Aziraphale’s cock and wrapped around it, squeezing as beads of precome oozed from the tip. “Oh, yes...yes, just like that, my darling—!”

It wasn’t exactly an appropriate endearment given their scene but Crowley allowed it, lost in going faster and harder until they were both coming in tandem, Crowley crushing him tight with both coils and arms. As they stood together, Crowley slowly coming back to himself, Aziraphale let out a little giggle. “We didn’t even make it to the bed…”

Well. Crowley responded by giving him a hard kiss and then a shove to the mattress. His arms were still very much tied behind his back. “So naive of you, to think this is over…”

[jensownzoo]

Memorial Post for my cat, Irving (more commonly addressed as ‘Handsome Boy’ and ‘Mister Man’ in the time-honored tradition of naming your pet one thing and then nearly never actually calling them it).

Irving passed away suddenly this morning, absolutely unexpectedly. I was taking a break from an outdoor construction project and we were reclining on the bed near each other when he went into a seizure and passed. It didn’t take more than 15 seconds and he was gone. He was just coming up on his 8th birthday in May.

Nearly eight years ago I was asked to emergency-foster a mom cat who had been trapped by animal control and had given birth in their facility overnight. So mom and her four 12-hour-old kittens were transferred to my care. One of those kittens was Irving, named after the original name of the little dragon Goldie from The Sandman comics (the one that stayed with Cain and Abel). I ended up foster-failing and adopting both Irving and his brother Twinkle Toes (he’s polydactyl). Here are some of Irving’s kitten pics:

The babies were weighed with a kitchen gram scale every day to make sure they were gaining weight steadily. The bowl became necessary after their eyes opened and coordination increased.

See how handsome he’s already becoming with those lovely tabby markings and white socks?

He matured from this little bean into a true longcat of the highest order:

Though he could still fold himself into a nice package utilizing cat physics:

Most of my cats like to take advantage of the ‘knee tent’ when I’m lying in bed covered in a blanket with my legs bent up to support a book or something. They paw at the blanket and I lift it up a bit to let them scoot into the nice warm cave. Irving, however, was the only one who liked being under the covers so much that he’d burrow into a pile all by himself. I kept several microfleece throws on one corner of the bed just for him so he could burrow to his heart’s content even if I wasn’t at home.

Sleepy boy

‘This fleecy rug is mine now’

Twinkle Toes two seconds away from crushing his brother. They were best buddies. Chasing each other around the house, cuddling together, Irving would hold Twinkle Toes down for a thorough grooming. Luckily TT has a good relationship with the other cat, but it’s still going to suck once he realizes that Irving isn’t just in some other part of the house.

We’ve had temps mostly above freezing this week, so the ground was soft enough to bury him right away. In a few months, I’ll pick out a nice flowering bush to plant on top of him to both mark the spot and serve to bring him to mind every time I see it. I’ve been crying off and on all day. It was far too soon and I am going to miss him so much.

[sirensweetheart]

𝐨𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐢

bambi, kitty, milkchocolateminaj, siren

she/her | black caribbean bby | infp

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓:

pink, uggs, fashion, ariana grande, lana del rey, beyoncé, victoria monet, caramel ribbon crunches, pink drinks, strawberries, candles, self care, makeup, money, jake gyllenhaal

𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊:

flies, the colors green and yellow, mean people, slow loading screens, unwarranted opinions

𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐘:

city living, get to work, get together, get famous, island living, cottage living, seasons, cats and dogs, discover university, growing together, snowy escape, highschool years, horse ranch, for rent, outdoor retreat, parenthood, my wedding stories, strangerville, bowling night, laundry day, spooky day, my first pets, toddler stuff, kids room stuff, romantic garden, nifty knitting, modern menswear

𝐅𝐀𝐐

“bambi, what mods do you use bae?”

i’ll make a full mods list soon but come back to this and i will link it here!

“sweetheart, are you wcif friendly?”

not yet i actually don’t know how to make wcif posts so as of right now no

“so how’s your gameplay style, bam?”

i like rotational gameplay!! i love creating interwoven stories lol. i’m also a maxis-mix girly, you’ll see by my sim style.

“are your asks open, siren?”

yes!!! i love interacting with people. i mostly answer everything very quickly lol. you can ask about anything (sims 4, interests, or anything personal) i just ask that you don’t spam the ask box

“one last thing, how can we find your posts?”

i tag all of my posts as #signed.siren🎀🤍

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2016 75 days until I call Stacey. I decided to just see what happens and then make a decision based on how I feel at the time. Just because someone puts out clear and obvious signals doesn’t mean they plan to act on them or become a home-wrecker. Getting together every now and then wouldn’t be “wrecking” anything as long as nothing “serious” happened, though I still think if I see her again it’ll be at her office.

A couple of mornings ago at 8:30, right as I was getting ready to crash, I saw Bob come out with a ladder in front of his place, presumably to trim trees. I was surprised (and a bit worried) since it was only 39° out. He didn’t wake me up, though.

Looking forward to finally receiving my bath bombs tomorrow, which accidentally got sent to the wrong place. These are supposed to be the size of tennis balls instead of golf balls.

Decided I just wasn’t all that into my voice blog so I made it a text blog. I’m not going to post daily entries there, but just use it as another place to store my yearly life updates instead.

I dreamed that Jesse owned a large rooming house in which we were renting a room. Tom was sitting on either a bed or a couch watching TV when I stepped up to the room’s only window and looked down from the upper floor we were on. Jesse lived next door and parked between the buildings.

“Only that black car is down there with its ass sticking up,” I said to Tom, referring to how the back of the car stuck up in the air.

“I want to go visit my old room next door,” I then said, and headed into a small dark room with bunk beds. I sat on the bottom bunk and remembered that the last time we were there, things were rough for us and I was miserably depressed. I remember how I sat on the bed crying for hours at a time.

My bean/veggie diet has totally lost its magic as far as keeping the hunger away. I had half a bag of veggies, 3 slices of cinnamon bread, a cup of rice, a bowl of soup, and a bag of Cheetos, yet I’m STILL hungry! :( If this is PMS can I just get my fucking period now? It’s horrible. I just CANNOT get rid of my hunger no matter how much I eat.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2016 Burke’s lucky he’s a good rat because if he was anything less than that I would have just beaten the shit out of him. I let him out and he was super wound up and playful and he nipped the shit out of my pinky. His teeth sliced the side of it and it took me a few minutes to stop the bleeding. I had to sneak into Tom’s bathroom to get a Band-Aid. Good thing he’s a heavy sleeper. The fucking thing is stinging like hell now.

The kitchen floor tiles arrived today and are absolutely beautiful. You never can really know for sure when you’re looking at a picture of something on a computer. I hope the laundry room tiles will look just as nice when they arrive.

Had some spotting. :-( That explains why I had light cramps earlier. Tom even thinks I look a little watery.

As I learned, if it’s too good to be true, it’s not true. I gained one of the 4 pounds back that I lost, though I figured I would sooner or later, and soon I might have another period. Let me guess… nothing’s going to happen with Stacey either, even if more than a part of me agrees it would be much easier if it didn’t.

The weather’s been horribly cold and it could freeze tonight. The outer corners of the living room get warmer in the summer and colder in the winter. My desk is in one of those corners, and so I pulled out the old portable heater we got up in Oregon to bring extra warmth to that area. We have an even older one that we got in the 90s in Arizona, but that one’s going out with the next bulk trash pickup.

The Twenties’ place looks really nice with all their bright colorful Christmas lights. I still say it’s a little early, though. I mean come on, it’s not even December yet. Even so, I’d like to be out admiring the different lights, yet it’s way too cold to be working out outdoors.

Signed up on Blogger for AdSense, but I don’t think I’ll really make any money with it. Not as many people know about my blog there, and Blogger’s pretty dead, so we’ll see. It’s not fully set up yet.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2016 Damn the person(s) responsible for inventing religion and brainwashing people with the God fantasy. Yeah, another Muslim refugee we so stupidly allowed into this country because it’s “politically correct” and we must, must, must have a bleeding heart for despite their unworthiness it, tried to go on a killing spree at OSU. Well, my damn good cyber friend Christine works there and I can just imagine how terrified she must have been!

As long as this country is going to remain too stupid and too ignorant to the fact that yes, some groups of people truly are more dangerous, delusional and irrational than others just like with some groups of animals, then we’re going to continue to put ourselves in danger by allowing these little fucks to terrorize us.

So obsessed with political correctness are people that they have lost all traces of common sense. Pretty sad if you ask me. What’s next? Lavishing all the love in the world on rapists and child molesters? Will it soon be politically incorrect to point out how dangerous they are as well? Will we be considered “haters” for bashing those perverts?

Man, I’m just so sick of some people’s shit in this world. People who think they were born to kill in the name of an imaginary God that doesn’t even exist. People who feel they need to use their race against others no matter how many lives they ruin in the process. People who enable, allow and encourage these people to wreak the havoc on society that they do.

Just wondering how many more people have to die or come close to it before something is done to keep these savage beasts out of this country. These people are taught to go out and kill as many people as they can that isn’t a carbon copy of themselves as soon as they’re old enough to understand. Is this what we really want to be “politically correct” over and invite into our country?

Let them kill each other instead, and if their cities are no longer habitable after they get done, that should be their problem and not ours. Why should we be responsible for picking up the pieces of death and destruction? It’s like being made to pick up the pieces of a puzzle that some spoiled brat got frustrated with and flung all over the floor. Let those who make their own damn beds lie in them!

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2016 Incredibly, I’m still losing weight. I’ve now lost 4.2 pounds since the first. That’s HUGE for an older woman with Hashimoto’s. It’s going very slowly, but what’s the hurry anyway? Losing 1-2 pounds a week is reasonable. I just wish my medication wasn’t dampening some of the excitement, but I intend to discuss it with Dr. A next month.

Tom dyed my hair yesterday and this time we used a much cheaper dye. L’Oreal’s Colorsilk. It’s a little lighter and I don’t expect it to last as long as John Freida’s, but I like it better because it doesn’t stink nearly as bad and my hair doesn’t feel as fried.

So while our robot is the designated vacuum-er, and I’m the designated floor mopper, Tom is the designated carpet cleaner. It took two hours to do our giant living room, but he cleaned until he ran out of cleaning solution. It takes forever but it’s worth it since it’s something he’ll only do every six months or so. The carpet he’s done looks brand new.

All that’s left is the dining room, hallway and bedrooms. The filthiest spots are definitely by the computers, the rats’ cage, the front door, and the section of hallway between the kitchen and laundry room.

It’s been raining all day and night, and I heard one of my older, bigger wind chimes fall down in the carport. I think we got that one after we moved here, but what’s amazing is the medium-sized one in front that sounds the best. I’ve had this one for about a dozen years now and it’s still going strong!!!

Later…

And now I’m down 4.4 pounds! I went from 154.4 to 150.0. Now if only my hip and ear would stop driving me crazy!

We took our cactus plant out of the small pot it was in and replanted it in a large pot that was left here.

The four days he had off were both productive and relaxing.

It was mostly sunny all day but now it’s raining again. I can’t believe all the rain we’ve gotten so far this year. I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t go out walking. It’s too cold now anyway.

I was bad again, messing with Kim and Aly on NaNoWriMo after Aly changed links there. Sometimes you just gotta have a little fun, I guess. Found her by searching “Nebraska” and “nanny.” Her location and part of her bio. Kind of funny how dumb she is at times, but maybe she wants to be found. I used to notice in the past how she’d made herself rather obvious when changing names to avoid Molly. If not, every genius is entitled to a blond moment here and there. :-)

Pretty funny how Aly is afraid of Kim. When she pisses her off by leaving her hanging, she’s afraid to confront her directly and risk getting her ass dumped and then stalked shitless for years, so she dances around the subject in an indirect tweet about how rude she is.

Sadly, however, I doubt Kim will dump her given how long they’ve been friends now. I also get the feeling that they don’t have anyone else, so being the perfect twisted match that they are, I just can’t see them dumping on each other as much as I wish they would. Seriously… if Aly’s my karma for dumping Andy, then who’s her karma for dumping me? Oh, wait! It’s perfectly okay to dump me or wrong me in any way. I forget at times that people are exempt when it comes to me.

Had some very weird, long, detailed and negative dreams. In one dream I was in some crackhouse for some reason. I was excitedly trying to tell this girl in her 20s (Hispanic?) about how I tried Atkins, Nutrisystem, and other diets just to get nowhere until I went vegan.

The girl, clearly very pregnant, didn’t appear to be paying attention to me as another girl injected her with some drug.

That’s when I told myself not to bother with her. She was too young for a friend, too fucked up, and she was an obvious druggie. Plus I didn’t want to be friends with anyone with babies or toddlers.

I turned to leave, apparently on an upper floor. I walked down a long narrow hallway, heading for the stairs, just as a black cop came up the stairs and passed me.

“There are a lot of druggies in there,” I told him.

He started to enter one of the rooms.

“No, the next room,” I said.

“Oh,” he said, backing out of it as I hurried downstairs and out of the old dilapidated house. I crossed the lawn and hoped that no one would consider me a snitch and want to kill me for it.

In the next dream, I might have been talking to my mother. I entered a restaurant and approached what seemed like an older woman that I’m pretty sure was her, sitting at the counter on the stool. I had been accused of murdering some girl. I don’t know if I was just a suspect in an investigation, or if I was out on bail.

“Don’t ask me any questions,” my mother said sharply as soon as I approached her.

This really pissed me off and I stormed out of the restaurant and off to I’m not sure where. Wherever I went, I threw an ashtray full of cigarette butts on the floor. I then picked up the mess moments later.

Next, I returned to the restaurant where my mother was now sitting at a small table for two. I sat down across from her and insisted that I had nothing to do with killing the girl.

“When I was charged with prank phone calls, I was guilty of that. But I have nothing to do with this case. I don’t know this girl. I’ve never seen her. I’ve never talked to her and I have no idea who killed her.”

I turned away for a second and when I looked back at my mother she had tears in her eyes. “My God,” she said, “you really are innocent.”

Then I asked her if she was surprised about how she ended up back with my father, not that they ever separated in real life, of course.

The dream ended with one of us saying something about playing amateur sleuth and trying to find the real killer.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2016 The weather has turned cold and wintry. The afternoons usually aren’t that bad, but today it was one of those days where it just never warmed up. I’m just so glad it doesn’t snow here, though it wouldn’t be impossible. I’m in my one-piece fleece pajamas. This weather is ideal for sleeping, working out and keeping the motorcycles at bay, but I do miss the warmth.

I probably won’t be running outdoors much for the next few months and will just use the skier inside instead. Plus I still have my hip injury that doesn’t seem to want to heal.

My new gold chain fashion belt arrived and fits well, though it’s surprisingly heavy. I also got my black shirt with the cutout ¾ sleeves and it fits well, too.

Got some things done around the house today. Tom cleaned the carpet around my desk before I got up. The thing works great and it only takes a couple of hours to dry. He said the water was clear when he was doing sections along the wall, but under my chair it was black. I don’t doubt it. I’ve spilled some food and drink over the last 2.5 years.

We asked Alexa what her daily deals were, and Tom was strong enough to say “no” to the white chocolate truffles and the 5-pound Hershey’s candy bar. A 5-pound candy bar… that’s disgusting. Delicious but disgusting. No wonder there’s so much obesity in this country, haha.

I’m still losing weight since going vegan, but very slowly. I’m going to see if I can eventually coax him into the same health kick I’ve been on.

I started dusting cobwebs off the ceilings, which was raining popcorn all over the place. Damn these popcorn ceilings! I miss smoothies.

I did the laundry and switched out the light blanket for the down comforter. Hopefully, it won’t give me the hot flashes from hell, but if it does I’ll just switch back.

I’ve got about 17 more days to my appointment and to hope I don’t get a period. That’ll make 3 months!

I have felt so good physically and emotionally and I absolutely refuse to let the doctor give me any more meds no matter what the numbers end up saying.

The year was off to a shaky start, but I think that 2016 has been one of the best years of our lives.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2016 Another Thanksgiving with nowhere to go. A part of me is sad about that, but it is what it is. I just wonder if Marjorie ever thinks about the son she dumped who was too “needy” and too far away to be worth bothering with. That a mother could cast aside her own son seemingly without a shred of guilt after all he did for her when we lived near her is just abominable. Just totally and utterly appalling. I don’t doubt for a minute that she’s as guiltless as a rock on the beach or else she would have Mary and Dave contact us if she couldn’t do it herself.

Her choice. Her loss.

I had a dream I was at Tammy’s, and Lisa was there. First I hugged Sarah and then I guess I was smoking again because I lit a cigarette. Then someone gave me a letter Lisa had written for me. I suspected she wanted to play kiss and makeup by the way she looked at me from across the room.

I began walking through another room and she was suddenly walking alongside me. I pretended not to notice her because I didn’t want to consider talking to her until I read the letter. I noticed she appeared to be slim.

In reality, I don’t want anything to do with her any more than I want anything to do with aunts, uncles, and cousins I’m not connected to on Facebook. Once you’re out of my life, no matter if I dumped you or you’re the one who dumped me, that’s the way it stays. Period. Almost every time I’ve given people a second chance it’s backfired on me and I only end up kicking myself for it and wishing I never bothered.

I realize I’m pretty normal being as unforgiving as I am. I hear people preach about forgiveness all the time yet I don’t see them putting their actions where their mouths are very often. Well, “normal” or a genuine ice princess, I am the way I am with zero apologies, and I do what works best for me.

Life is still great otherwise. :-) We’re having a nice relaxing day and enjoying a break from our regular responsibilities. It’s nice to be lazy every now and then and just do what we want and nothing that we absolutely have to do.

We tried out the carpet cleaner by doing just a square patch of carpet in front of the rats’ cage and it looks beautiful. I was worried at first that the cleaning solution would smell too chemical-like, but it actually smells good. It’s amazing how much dirt came out of that one section. That’s why the next place is going to have mostly floors in which we’ll just get a robot mop like we have a robot vacuum.

Although I don’t expect to hear any landscaping today, I do expect to hear a lot of car door slamming. You know my neighbors can never go anywhere for the holidays and that everybody has to come to them. I hope I sleep through Christmas!

As expected, the assholes turned our water off for an hour yesterday.

We got a ton of packages yesterday. The strapless bra and the tank tops fit great, but the skirt, as gorgeous as it is, is way too long. I will have to wear it as a tube dress, which it says you can do.

That was a hell of a deal on the tanks. I thought they might be thin flimsy crap for the price, but nope. You can wear them to bed or you could wear them outdoors. I love all the colors, too. A dozen good-quality tank tops for $23 is a sweet deal.

Really loving shopping for groceries online. The Walmart site is slow but simple. It’s very easy to use. I just wish they would add nutrition labels to the products. I love how it keeps track of what we’ve ordered so I can kick things out of the ‘favorites’ that I try and decide I don’t like.

They gave us a goody bag with some nice samples. I didn’t care for the snacks (thank goodness for rats and husbands, LOL), but I like the Crest tooth whitening strips, the L’Oreal hair system samples, and the full-size tube of Vaseline lotion. Figures I just had to go and buy lotion right before I got this, haha, but I can never have too much. It will all eventually get used.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2016 I think I’ll just bullet today’s entry.

I had 1600 cals yesterday so my weight is the same… 150.6.

The LUX light is a complete waste of money.

Two days ago I had a strange stomach flu for 4-5 hours. It started with sharp cramps in my upper stomach. Then I had intermittent nausea.

Slept better last night but that could be because I took a lorazepam for the first time in a while after being up 18 hours.

I don’t remember a single dream.

UPS arrived at 9:30 with our carpet cleaner, goodies for Tom, and a few goodies for me.

Jasmine and her blonde buddy look great in their new pants and tops.

I now have a nice clean glass dish for my wax fragrance warmer. A tiny hole burned through the center of the other one as it got old and yucky, dribbling wax onto the bulb.

My early birthday present from Tom, a glass rainbow wind chime, is gorgeous and I love the sound of it. Now we just need some wind to go with it.

My new dress (black with a jagged chiffon hemline) is more like a tunic and looks great with my blue tights.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2016 Stacey. Losing weight. Possibly being done with periods. Help with my sleep disorder.

Is it just me or do things seem a little too good to be true lately? I’ve now lost 4 pounds, though I’m kind of doubtful about the light therapy.

I slept horribly, constantly waking up, and I’ve decided to take a few days off from the new allergy nasal spray I started to make sure that that’s not affecting my sleep in any way. I doubt it is, though. I seem to be having longer, more detailed dreams, too.

I’m going to give it a little more time, but the light therapy seems like it’s going to be a bust since I got up 1.5 hours later today, which is typical. One of the times I woke up I didn’t think I would be able to fall back asleep, so maybe I would have gotten up sooner had I slept better.

I had a two-part dream that took place at Valleyhead, even though the place looked different. Several students and even that evil Donna were there. At first everybody slept on double beds (two to a bed) in a large dorm.

One of the girls complained to Donna that they were unable to sleep with their assigned bedmates because they kept them up all night.

“You’re going to have to find two people who would be able to sleep with each other and take one of their places,” I said, not caring what Donna thought of my suggestion.

In the next scene, I was going through my clothes and realized that I needed to do laundry because I was running out of underwear. Yet every time I thought I found the opportunity to do it, something would come up, keeping me so busy I barely had time to breathe.

I woke up for a while and then when I fell back asleep I was able to get that laundry done, LOL, that I was scrambling to do in the previous dream. The laundry room was downstairs in the basement. There were three washers on one wall and three dryers on another wall. I had been waiting for a machine to become available before I realized that I was waiting for nothing because it was a dryer when I needed a washer.

Then I went upstairs and I was moving some things out of one room and into another (I guess now we were in rooms instead of dorms). As some girl was leaving the room I was moving things into, I explained to her that I wanted to put the stuff there because I would probably be in that room soon enough.

She smiled and said that was exciting.

Then on another day within the same dream, I fell asleep intending to take a short nap, but ended up sleeping all day and didn’t get up until 3 PM. I realized I would need to go to sleep when “school” started in the morning, and I awoke from the dream as I was trying to decide if I should attend class or just skip it and hope they didn’t notice my absence.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2016 “HA! HA! HA! HA!” said the ducks at the lake when I passed by the adorable Chihuahua in the pink frilly coat.

I was only out for 15 minutes because my hands froze. I don’t know why I didn’t take my gloves. It’s cold and foggy out there. I’ll make up the remaining 15 minutes on the skier.

For a few minutes after returning indoors, my left hand did this strange vibration that wasn’t visible but that I could feel. I can imagine my reaction to that one if I were on a little more levothyroxine and hadn’t been EMDRd.

Unfortunately, the kind of drug I’m on has me as worried about losing weight as I am excited. The difference between being beneficial and helpful versus being tormented both physically and emotionally is just a few micrograms and probably only a 20-pound loss in my case because I’m short. As he assured me, however, they test my levels often enough that I should have plenty of warning if I’m heading to a bad place.

I see Dr. A on the 13th. Hopefully, I will be able to tell her that my last period was right before I last saw her three months ago. Yes, I’m breaking records and I could very well be done with that. It’s still too soon to say for sure whether or not I will once again visit Bleederville, but either way, how many more periods could I possibly have?

Oh, great. Now the scammers know about my Gmail address and are spamming the shit out of that account in addition to my Hotmail and mail.com accounts. Makes me wonder if anyone I know is behind it. Would anyone really take the time to sign someone up for a bunch of shit or give their address to these shitsters?

He doesn’t think anyone I know is behind it. As he said, all it takes is one site being hacked.

The full-spectrum light therapy is off to a good start. Maybe a little too good, although the nightmare I had is why I woke up a little early. It’s way too soon to know for sure. There have been times when I would get up at the same time for three or four days in a row. If I were able to get up at the same time for a whole week, then I would think yeah, maybe we were onto something here. I might not use it for a few days if that’s the case because 4 AM is a little earlier than I would like to be getting up at. 6 AM is more reasonable. I would prefer to sleep 10 PM to 6 AM rather than 8 PM to 4 AM. I just got an early head start because I ran out of patience waiting to try it.

The one and only thing I would hate if I were always on days would be having to listen to landscaping and traffic every single day unless it was raining. The rain doesn’t always save me from that shit either.

I’m also going to hit the Bowflex and clean both bedrooms and bathrooms today. I did the laundry room last night. Tomorrow I’ll do the kitchen, dining and living room.

I got a brush made for ceiling fans when we were at Lowe’s.

We saw some robotic fish while we were at Target and joked about throwing them in the pool. That would really make the old folks wonder just how senile they were getting!

We decided to go ahead and do our huge Amazon order now rather than wait until early next month. This way we avoid the holiday rush.

He got several electronic parts/gadgets, plus I ordered a couple of boxes of the protein cookies I’ve been having on this diet in a couple of flavors I haven’t tried yet… peanut butter and birthday cake.

We got the flooring tiles and the carpet cleaner, plus I ordered a replacement dish for my wax fragrance warmer, and a new hammock/tent for the rats.

For fun things, I have about 10 things on the way, one of which is coming today. That would be my black dress with an asymmetrical hem. I will also be receiving the following list:

A glass rainbow wind chime

A rainbow sweatshirt

A beige strapless bra

A 12-pack of tank tops, each in a different color

A black long-sleeve shirt in which part of the sleeve is cut out

A gold chain belt

A floral skirt with a feather on the end of a ribbon

An assortment of 10 different bath bombs

Two tops and two pairs of pants for my 18” dolls.

In last night’s nightmare, I dreamed I was staying in some cabin in the woods with three or four other people. I guess there was a main cabin that we all met up in, but we would sleep in individual cabins that were nearby. Word was out that a killer was on the loose. On our first night there, one woman who seemed fairly youngish was a little worried about heading to her cabin alone. I told her I would watch her from the door. Her cabin was about 100 feet away, but by the time she got barely 50 feet away, a man jumped out of the shadows and started stabbing her. I opened my mouth to scream for help and for someone to call the cops, but no sound would come out as I awoke.

In another dream, my sister called to tell me she won a karaoke contest. LOL, no chance. She hates to sing. I used to win these things in the early 90s. Too bad I hadn’t yet quit smoking as I probably could have won even more.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2016 Those brown butter rum cookies were so good! Amazingly, I didn’t go up the pound I expected to go up taking a day off from my diet like I did. Instead, I went up just 2/10 of a pound. Been back on track today and didn’t get any treats at the store.

I began light therapy this morning even though I’m still getting up pretty early, and even though I don’t see how a simple light could help much. But I’ve been surprised in the past and so we’ll see if I’m surprised again.

The cheap shiny silver faucet I stupidly picked out for the master bathroom not long after we moved in here sprung a leak yesterday. A part of me is glad because no matter how much I would clean the damn thing, it would always have these white spots on it. So this morning we went to Lowe’s and I picked out a less shiny nickel-finished faucet that’s quite beautiful. It doesn’t have a single lever but it’s very stylish, way better quality, and it goes well in there. This faucet is a little higher and that should make rinsing my mouth when brushing my teeth easier. It cost $100.

Some other time we’ll replace the drain. The drains in both the sinks look kind of old and gross.

Our second stop was at Target to use a coupon for $5 off $25 worth of stuff. However, there was a hidden catch and the stuff we got didn’t qualify. As he said, this is why we don’t get their rewards card; because there are always hidden catches that weren’t advertised. I do like their store, though. They have a good selection, and for once the store was pretty dead, so we got to shop in peace.

I got a couple of necklaces that are unique to anything I’ve ever had before. One is a 3 in 1 where it has 3 gold chains of different lengths, each with a different color gemstone. The smallest one on top is clear. The medium-sized one in the middle is magenta, and then the largest one on the bottom is what I would describe as “cloudy” pink.

The other necklace is a very long strand of blue beads with little tassels on the ends. You can either wear it as a scarf or tie it in a knot in front.

Grabbed a bag of Birthday Cake bath bombs, and the cutest, most comfortable pair of slippers I ever had. Pretty sure they’re girls’ slippers. They’re pink and blue furry slippers with a scattering of shiny firs and they go a few inches above the ankles. I kind of wish I had boots like these. Initially I wanted something convenient that I could quickly step in and out of, but when I saw these I said screw convenience. They were just too adorable to pass up.

They did a good job with the groceries that we ordered online and we’re thinking this is what we’ll probably do for the most part. There was only one thing missing that they substituted for.

I’m going to order some of the protein cookies that I’ve been having online because it’s cheaper that way. Meanwhile… no meat until after the labs at the beginning of next month.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2016 I’ve been alive for 18,600 days. That’s what Alexa just told me. She also told me that there are 87 days until Valentine’s Day. I can’t wait! thinks of Stacey and smiles

So now the Trumpster is whining about his sidekick getting booed, and demanding an apology. Oh, but he has no apology for the women he sexually abused, right? Seriously if these two can’t handle those who can’t stand them, then why don’t they just resign?

This cold rainy day is passing too slowly. This is the last Saturday in a while that DH should have to work. He should be home around 1:00. We ordered groceries from Walmart for the first time and he will be picking them up on the way home.

I’ve lost 3 pounds since turning 80% of my diet into vegetables. I have pretty much cut out meat completely, but not for forever. Forever is just too long. I’m sure I’ll have both meat and sweets on weekends. It’s just too close to lab time for me to be having any cholesterol right now. I’m not even eating fish, which doesn’t have as much cholesterol as beef does.

My sweet treat this weekend is going to be something new to try that I stumbled upon while shopping… Pepperidge Farm brown butter rum cookies.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2016 Was today another noisy day? Well, of course it was. Landscaping here, landscaping there… landscaping everywhere, every single fucking day.

I kind of wish it was bedtime now because I’m bored. I’m at that point in my day where I’m no longer awake enough to do anything productive, but I’m not tired enough to fall asleep yet either.

Instead, I’m sitting here wondering why my joints are so stiff. This time it’s my other hip and I have a little stiffness in my lower right back.

I’m also sitting here thinking of how it’s almost always been me that initiated friendships and relationships and even just casual conversations be it online or offline, and how that gets to me at times. It just bothers me that not as many people have cared to seek me out as much as I cared to seek them, even if it’s just to say hello.

But then I realized that hey, maybe this is just the one way I was meant to be a leader in life. For some reason, I have been “designated” to be the one to make the first move, even if I don’t always get very far. I’m not sure I like that any more than I like the idea of being a follower. I’ve never had any desire to be a leader in life or a follower, though I’ve been forced to be a follower many times by circumstances beyond my control.

Seriously, I was obviously meant to be a real leader in this way for whatever reason, plus I also realize that not everybody cares enough to remember names like I do, nor do they have the ability to if they did. Furthermore, they probably don’t have nearly 30 year’s worth of journals to refer to for any names they might have forgotten.

Either way, if patterns hold true to themselves then I should never hear from Stacey again unless I contact her. My head says not to bother but my heart is curious. I can’t believe even a friendship would come of it but there’s still a part of me that feels it’s hard to believe it wouldn’t. Not that she would intentionally do any such thing, but I’ve been led on by women before, so this is why I’m hesitant to bother with her. Again, not that it’s her intention to lead me on, but women have gotten my hopes up in ways that men never have, for even just a friendship. Then again, I don’t know if I can fairly make that comparison when I haven’t been interested in very many men in my life.

I just wish I knew what she was open to. Does she have any particular hopes for us? I will admit that a part of me, even if it’s a very small part, has sometimes wished for a woman on the side to spice things up and add variety to my life. It isn’t that my life is bad or that I feel I’m missing anything; but more like me being open to any fun and interesting additions.

But just how open am I really to anything more than friendship? That’s the one thing I’m not sure of, and I guess no one ever is unless they’re actually in that situation and have to make a choice.

I’m guessing that the only thing she would be open to is meeting in her office, and I would certainly be okay with that if I knew for sure that she didn’t have anything else in mind, and I’m still guessing that while she gave me every indication to believe that she’s attracted to me (no, I definitely didn’t imagine that), she would remain professional. If even friendship is forbidden between a counselor and a former patient, I just can’t believe she would risk her license and career even if she may be coming to the end of it, just because someone might have noticed her in a way she probably hasn’t been noticed for years. Would I really be worth it to her?

If only I knew what she wanted because then I would be willing to work with that as long as she didn’t have any ridiculous expectations in mind, and again, I just can’t imagine her of all people wanting more than I could give, let alone wanting what I could give.

Only time will tell for sure as things play themselves out over the upcoming months, years… whatever. For now, I can just guess that if I ever do see her again it will be in her office.

When I call her on Valentine’s Day, because I know she’s not going to call me first, I was thinking I might let her know that I miss her and see if she suggests I come to see her. I thought I would also see if she was open to texting or email.

So yeah, I’ll “lead” the way by calling Stacey and being told that I’m welcome to come and see her, but that text or email is not an option, even though she seemed quite pleased when I gave her my contact info, and even though she was clearly attracted to me.

I suppose I shouldn’t think that negatively. After all, I never would have believed that someone like her would be attracted to me in the first place, yet she is. I just don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing, even though it’s not like I’m going to ball my eyes out if things don’t go my way. I’m not the person I was 15 years ago when Johnson fucked with my head. But why invest the time?

If I see Stacey, great. If not, I will always appreciate the help she gave me and I will always have her memories to cherish.

I think it’s her not going to my blog, and her asking if I would be okay with not meeting a certain woman that’s got me thinking a little negatively.

Foolish or not, though, I am thinking positively more than I’m thinking negatively where she’s concerned because she gave off more positive signs than negative signs.

I just wish I knew if she’s got it in mind to call me after a certain amount of time has gone by, or if she’s hoping that I’m the one to make the first move.

Well… I’m 99.9% sure that I’m going to be making that first move.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2016 I’ve been hearing less and less from Tammy but I understand that she is no doubt excited to catch up on things she hasn’t been able to do now that she’s got more energy since being stented, and is breathing easier since quitting smoking. She does still have fibromyalgia, though, and invited me to a Facebook group she created, even though I’m rarely on Facebook these days, and don’t know how I could possibly contribute other than to send my love and well wishes.

I don’t have chronic pain throughout my body; just in my left hip and my ear that isn’t really my ear, and it’s not quite “chronic.” I do get some days off. I just think it’s rather sad, as I told her, that it took 3 doctors in 12 years to finally be told what it is. It’s jaw joint arthritis, which was probably caused by my ear surgery. I can’t swear that I wouldn’t have it had I not had surgery, but I have a feeling I wouldn’t. The more I looked up the symptoms, the more I think my ENT is right on with the diagnosis she gave me. Funny because the last two EMTs were males. Yet Trump thinks males are smarter? Who the hell does he think he’s kidding? I’ve always known women were the smarter gender. This doesn’t mean there aren’t smart guys out there – my hubby is probably smarter than 98% of the population – and that there aren’t any stupid women in this world, but I think that women are smarter in general. Anyway, it’s called Temporomandibular Joint Disorders (TMJ and TMD).

They say that understanding something helps us to deal with it better, but I’m not sure in this case. I think all it does is settle my curiosity. They can’t fix this any more than they can cure my circadian rhythm disorder, so my knowing and understanding don’t change anything.

I was chatting on Yelp with this poor girl named Kristi in Woodland who was asking me about my old endocrinologist. She’s having the exact same symptoms I am and I assured her that my old endo is definitely the one to go to. Being older she’s had more experience, and she’s very understanding and knowledgeable. She understands that you can’t look at just the numbers and assume that every patient’s ideal numbers are going to be within their standard reference range. She’s super nice, too. A little stern at times, but nice. I told her of the symptoms I had and how frustrating it was with my old team of doctors at the old medical group telling me, “Oh, you’re just anxious,” when I knew it wasn’t normal for me to have my heart feel like it was going to jump out of my chest. So… I feel for her. I really do. I know how horrible and downright scary it can be. Just don’t expect to recover for a few months, I reminded her, since levothyroxine isn’t like aspirin where it leaves the body after a matter of hours.

It’s a very chilly 38° out now and I’m really hoping today is quieter than yesterday. First I had to hear landscaping at the house diagonally from us, then Bob broke out his blower, and then the park came by with their insanely loud blower, and I’m like, “Can we please stop it already?!”

At least it’s too cold for the motorcycles.

I don’t remember much of what happened, and the dreams only seemed to last for a second or two, but Stacey appeared in a record-breaking three or four dreams. I know we’re supposed to dream about things that are on our minds, but I’ve thought of her pretty much every day since last summer, yet this is the first time she showed up in my dreams this much. Although none of the dreams seemed to be negative in any way – if anything one of them might have been rather explicit – I don’t get the feeling that they mean anything. In other words, I don’t think they’re a sign of anything in particular to come.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2016 Although I’m keeping my Facebook account, I’m only checking in for messages once a week because I’m sick and fucking tired of nothing but political rants. No matter what side of the coin you’re on, too much is too much, and I’ve definitely had enough. Every day I tune in to hear about people and subjects that are beyond old and I’m tired of it. But people have a right to post what they want.

Even if people post a good mix of variety on Facebook, I prefer other social sites where I have more control over my privacy and can interact with people privately if I choose to do so. If I don’t want a certain Facebook friend knowing I’ve been there, I can’t comment on another friend’s post without it being waved in front of their faces.

My blog posts will still be shared there, which I don’t have to do from Facebook, and I let Tammy know that she should email me if anything important happens with her or the girls, as when I check in for messages I’m not going to be combing the newsfeed. Politics, religion, racism, Bill G… I’ve had enough.

The park not only had our water off again (I knew it was due to be shut off anytime now) but they also never warned us ahead of time like they did the last few times. I hope the office was bombarded with calls and messages from people complaining! I wonder when people are going to get so fed up that they demand space rent cuts. Over $800 a month for this shit? Come on! Actually, it’s over a grand when you add in trash pickup and shit like that.

I slept through the water shutoff, but I knew the water had been off when I got up and used the toilet cuz it “farted.” Poor Tom, though. It was off when he got home at 5:30 and it was still off when he went to bed at 7:45.

I’m now 8 hours away from trying the circadian light.

We’ve changed our mind as far as going with solid white in the kitchen. It would just look too stark in comparison with the maple cabinets. More than likely it will be flower power all the way with each section having a neutral color with some kind of flower design on it.

I was going to throw in some watercolor paints and a watercolor pad in the next Amazon order we’re planning, but then said, nah. I’m just not into being artistic in that kind of way anymore.

Last night I dreamed there was either a warrant out for my arrest or I was going to be charged with something (I don’t know what) and my brother was alive and either working for the police department or someone connected to it. I was talking to him on the phone and he was somehow going to take care of things for me by having someone pick me up that he knew.

I waited in this strange house with a cluttered living room and old dingy-looking kitchen, but whoever was supposed to pick me up never arrived. I called and told Tom I was tired of waiting and that I didn’t give a shit if there was a warrant out for my arrest or not at that point.

I then stepped out the back door of the house which was off the kitchen and began what I knew would be a long walk to some office.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2016 I laughed when Tom told me he thought we should get roller skates to use around the park until the thought of using them on this hilly terrain changed his mind. He couldn’t even walk in the snow and ice in Oregon without falling on his ass, so how does he expect to be able to roller-skate? He’s right, though. This terrain is too hilly even for those of us who can actually skate.

We went out walking late last night. I didn’t think the moon looked that much bigger than usual, but it was definitely bright. Of all the places I’ve lived, the moon looked the biggest in the desert.

The yellow African daisies just outside the front door are blooming nicely now. strange time of year for them to come to life, but I guess they thrive in the cooler temperatures.

It was pretty cold on our walk last night, down in the 40s. I had my hoodie on as well as a scarf and knit gloves. It’s supposed to rain today and then by Friday night get down into the 30s. Ugh.

We’ve now got a pretty good idea of what tile designs we’re getting. Tom said he would go with white in the kitchen and at first I thought white would look too sterile, almost like in a hospital. But compared to my surprisingly few other choices, I think white would be our best bet for that room.

I’ve chosen beige tiles with small pink flowers and their centers for the laundry/bath areas. Really wish we could see what they’d look like in the rooms, but even if I printed pictures out, the colors we see online aren’t always true.

One of the things they voted on in California was to stop using thin plastic grocery bags. They’ve gone to thicker plastic bags that are reusable and that cost a dime each if you decide to keep getting new ones. I figured that we might as well make it more fun and colorful, and so I picked out a 9-piece set of grocery totes on Amazon, each one being a different color.

Not that I’m complaining, but where are all the motorcycles? Even before it cooled down I noticed that I haven’t been hearing any.

Here’s something that’s probably meaningless but a little strange just the same. About a week or two ago, I heard this strange creaking sound late at night. At first I thought it was Tom’s chair, which creaks when he moves. But he was asleep and this particular creaking sound was consistent in volume, pitch and length of time.

Then one day I was standing in the kitchen waiting for my coffee to finish brewing. As I slowly shifted my weight back and forth I noticed the exact same sound. It was then that I remembered Andy, who insisted he was just as psychic with ghosts as I am at times with dream premonitions, told me that the spirit of the guy who used to live here was present.

Hmm… interesting. Still not sure I believe in ghosts, especially since I’ve never actually seen one, despite some signs suggesting that our land in Arizona was haunted. I’ve never had the feeling that this place is haunted, but it was a weird coincidence. If Andy was right, what does the guy do… walk around the kitchen late at night on occasion?

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2016 I just searched different combinations of keywords and actually got about half a dozen psychologists in the state with the first name of Stacey. That could be cut in half based on area, and yes, there is another one in Sacramento. But even so, anyone could call them all. Giving her real first name hasn’t caused any harm yet, but if God forbid some psycho troll latched onto me and called all the Stacey psychologists in my area, I would be so pissed. Stacey wouldn’t give out any information of course, but it’s one thing for trolls to come at me, and another when they go after people I know.

At this point I don’t know what gets to me more… Trump winning or the fact that people have become so obsessed with him that he’s all I hear about no matter where I go. Then again, Trump didn’t “win.” Hate won.

Really wish people would find a – shall we say – healthier obsession. Dwelling on shit that can’t be changed, unless someone can find a way to assassinate both him and Pence.

Lenore peeked in on me after the election but hasn’t been back since. I’m guessing she was curious about my reaction to who was elected.

The more I think about it the more I’m sure that whenever I start a low-calorie diet, the few pounds I always lose isn’t weight but water instead. If the diets were really causing weight loss I would ultimately lose more than just a few pounds, wouldn’t I? I think that for some reason it just triggers water loss.

My Aurora Borealis sweatshirt arrived and fits great. Any smaller and it would be too tight. The material is thicker and of better quality than I thought it would be for the price. The only thing is that the design appears to be a bit darker than it does online.

We went to Walgreens earlier where we both got some junk food. He got chips and cakes and I got a candy bar and Tic Tacs. Other than Tic Tacs, I’m determined to cut out the junk starting tomorrow. It really isn’t good for me. It’s what Tom mostly eats, however, which is unfortunate.

I also got a large rose-gold barrette, which is hard to find. So whenever I spot barrettes this large I grab them.

I also got a pair of blue leggings with faint white streaks. They’re slightly tight but wearable. Now I have leggings in four different colors.

For $10 I got six Hawaiian Lei bath bombs that I’ll be looking forward to trying tomorrow.

The Supermoon is huge and bright, so we’re going out walking just after 3 AM after he’s had a chance to wake up. He still likes to get up a few hours before work so he doesn’t feel rushed and he has a chance to do things that he likes to do.

I let the rats out earlier. Burke always wants to come out, but Dumbo sometimes does, and Simon almost never does. Rats eventually find their way back home when you leave their cage door open. Once Burke was home I shut the door thinking everybody was home. Burke and Dumbo are both dark brown, and an hour or two later I see a dark brown rat climbing up the door. I immediately thought it was Burkey boy and wondered how the hell he got out, but when I picked him up I noticed right away that the fir was coarse and wooly and not smooth and silky like Burke’s. Plus, there were the “down” ears instead of the top ears, and so I knew it was Dumbo. He’d obviously been out the whole time and probably fell asleep behind my desk.

Later…

This bath bomb wasn’t quite as good as the big bomb I got at BB&B, but it was better than the set of small bombs. Still had to lotion up my driest spots… legs/forearms. Didn’t mess up the tub, though, so that’s good. Will probably get more from Walgreens eventually. As for the online variety pack… don’t know. Will leave it in ’save for later’ for now.

I’m excited about the huge Amazon order we’ll be doing next month. Each year we do a huge order and take the year to pay it off. This isn’t just about getting fun stuff, but things we need, as well.

It’s been 2.5 years since we had the carpet installed and it definitely needs to be cleaned. Because I went with a lighter color, dirt tracked in from outdoors is more evident. For about the same price as a rental, you can buy a decent carpet cleaner. That way we can do it at our own convenience anytime we want.

We’re also going to get the floor tiles and FINALLY redo these hideous floors.

Got up just after 7pm, which means I’m now 11 hours from trying the circadian light. I’m going to try to hold my schedule so that I’m sleeping between 10pm - 6am. I still seriously doubt it will help long-term. I know it’s helped some people, but as recent studies have shown, sleep schedules aren’t all about light like they originally thought it was or else they wouldn’t have discovered this particular disorder in some blind people as they have.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2016 Read that in 1995 the Code of Ethics had a 2-year ban on sexual relationships between counselors and clients. Then it was raised to 5 years after termination of therapy in 2005.

But what about just a friendship with a former counselor???

I’ve asked myself over and over again… despite the mutual attraction and fondness that any idiot would’ve picked up on, would I actually want anything more than just a friendship if the choice were mine?

Definitely not. I just don’t feel the need for a side dish nor would I have the confidence for that even if I did, thanks to being fat and older. I could see kissing, hugging, snuggling up on the couch to watch a movie, but definitely not spreading my legs.

The experts insist that even long after termination of therapy, and even if the client is open to sex, it is harmful to the client. I can totally see this being the case if the client goes to a therapist because they were raped, and that therapist takes advantage of their vulnerability and fragile state of mind.

But what about a nonsexual relationship involving a client who went to a therapist on account of a scary reaction to a medication? Rape is a long way away from a drug that can scare the shit out of you in the wrong doses. I just don’t know if we can really lump every single client into one big group like that. Then again I’ve never had any kind of relationship with a former counselor, and I don’t expect to despite the “signs,” so I can’t say for sure how I might end up feeling. My guess is that I wouldn’t feel any different than had I been sitting across from someone on a bus when I happened to be anxious and was given tips on how to handle it, as opposed to sitting across from someone in a room who gave me the same tips.

I know I said this with Johnson, but it’s a little hard to believe that something won’t eventually happen, even though there were a few signs saying it wouldn’t. Not checking out my blog was the biggest sign saying she might actually have zero hopes/plans to meet later on down the road, and personally, it’s really very hard to picture Stacey of all people doing anything unethical. If she has any future hopes or plans for us, then I certainly couldn’t be the first one she’s had them with. So then how would she be getting away with this for 27 years even if it only happened a few times? Would she have waited or something? I suppose if she waited or no one said anything, then she wouldn’t be at risk of losing her license. Again, very hard to picture her ending up friends or fuck buddies with any old clients, but I never would’ve guessed in a million years that I’d catch the eye of a therapist either. Cassandra, which I saw back east in 1991 might have been attracted to me, but this is totally different. Totally.

The not knowing what’s going to happen is slightly frustrating but it’s mostly fun because it keeps things interesting and gives me something to look forward to. The only difference is that if it comes down to me realizing we’re never going to see each other outside the office, I’m not going to be devastated over it for four months like I was when I realized I’d never hear from Johnson again because I’m older and smarter than that now. Then again I don’t know if smarter is a good choice of words, but maybe I’m just better, not as needy, and used to things turning out a certain way.

I keep almost nothing from Tom but I have chosen not to let him in on Stacey’s attraction for me for now so that he doesn’t go getting his paranoid pants on, even if I’m smart enough to know that he knows me better and we’ve been “just friends” for ages now. Attraction or not, we’re not going to get it on like we’re in our 20s, and I’m not going to run off with her into the sunset either. He will know someday. Just not right now unless he’s reading my journals. Otherwise, the only ones who know at the moment are Tammy and some PBers.

I don’t expect to see her ever again, but I’m definitely open to a friendship, and I still plan to call on or around Valentine’s Day, depending on my schedule at the time.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2016 I love to think. I mean really sit and think. It’s good for the brain. It allows you to imagine real possibilities as well as to indulge in fun fantasies. The brain can be one giant workshop or can be one giant playground. It’s an outlet for creativity as well as a means of cultivating understanding and knowledge.

So I sit here tonight and I wonder… how have we become more tolerant yet still so intolerant? We’re more tolerant in that we’ll give blacks extra rights/protection and we’ll allow gays to marry, yet overall we can’t tolerate shit. Or better yet we won’t.

And what is it with the stupidity? Sorry folks, I don’t mean to sound like a know-it-all as I’m the last one who has all the answers, but shouldn’t some things be rather obvious and a simple matter of common sense?

Are there really still people out there who still believe that there’s no such thing as global warming?

Or medical conditions that really can make you depressed or anxious?

That gay/bi people choose to be gay/bi due to rape or incest and that it’s all about body parts only and not the gender as a whole? Yes, we can choose, alright. We can choose not to be who we are. But wouldn’t that be like eating nothing but foods you don’t like for the rest of your life? I wouldn’t change who and what I am because I don’t give a shit about what others think of me. I’m much too selfish to care. But I have a feeling that if we had more control over certain things, we would see a radical change pretty fast.

Later…

I’m normally one who believes in resolving issues without violence, yet I have never in my life wished for a president to be assassinated as I do now. Seriously, he needs to go. We can’t afford to have people like him in this world, especially as a leader. He’s just too fucked up and too dangerous. So please, please… Someone out there… Do the right thing. I don’t care if it’s slow and torturous or short and sweet. Just someone… Get rid of him!

Sure enough, people have begun rioting as I figured they would. While white people have been involved in the riots, I’m not at all surprised that a high school black girl beat the crap out of a white schoolmate for supporting Trump. Gee, blacks, that’s really going to make us like you.

It’s sickening how many bystanders just sat and did absolutely nothing until one girl finally helped. And why do Facebook and Twitter post this shit?

Later…

I couldn’t wait for the election to be over because I was so sick and tired of hearing about the candidates and political shit as a whole, yet everywhere I go online people are STILL going on and on about it. It really is getting old and I wonder when people will move on.

I can’t stand Trump either and I would love to see him and Pence assassinated, but it’s not going to happen, so we might as well just get on with our lives and remember that they’re not as powerful as some may think. There are 2 of them and there are about 300 million of us. I say they’re pretty outnumbered no matter who/what they are. :-) But yeah, even though I’ve always believed in resolving issues without violence, this is the first pair in which I wouldn’t lose a single tear if they got taken out of the picture. The only problem is that it’s become virtually impossible to do since the Reagan attempt.

While we are on the damn subject… I read an interesting journal entry of someone’s that spoke of people’s twisted views/laws no matter what side of the coin they’re on. They pointed out some of the following issues, although maybe not in so many words.

If you wouldn’t vote for Obama because he’s black, you’re racist. If you voted for him because he’s black, you’re not racist.

If you don’t want a shitload of Muslims coming over here that have no regard for American law, believe that gays should be pushed off of buildings and that no woman should be allowed to leave home without a male relative, you’re once again racist.

But then if you support Muslims coming over here that refuse to abide by our law and that want to kill damn near everybody they disagree with, you’re just a sweetheart.

If you voted for Trump, you’re sexist, and if you voted for Hillary, you’re still sexist.

If you’re in favor of birth control, you’re a real ass for believing that women should have total rights to their lives and bodies.

If you’re against birth control, then you’re saving “lives.” You know, those lives that aren’t really lives but actually just a cluster of cells with zero sense of awareness?

If a black person beats the shit out of a white person, it will probably be labeled simple assault and they might get just a few months in jail.

If a white person beats the shit out of a black person, it will probably be labeled a hate crime and that person may very well go to prison for life.

In non-political news, I had palpitations twice when out walking. Really hope it does this during my stress test, but it probably won’t. It doesn’t do it every time I work out. It fluttered a few times as I was climbing the “rollercoaster,” then once as I was coming uphill from the lake. But like a car quits making those funny noises when brought to the mechanic, my heart probably won’t flutter during the test.

Even though it’s way too early being that it’s not even mid-November yet, someone’s got a bunch of Christmas lights running alongside the lake and it looks really cool the way it reflects off the water. I wish I had my camera.

The muscle injury in my lower left gut has healed, but the pain in my lower side is back. Tough shit. I have to work out. Not working out will raise both my weight and my cholesterol.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2016 Walmart is now offering this service where you can order your groceries online, they pick them out for you, and then you pick them up. This is awesome and it would save him a lot of time. The one thing I miss from our old place (besides the seclusion) was when we used to use Raley’s for this service which, strangely enough, isn’t available outside of the rural areas.

It’s nice to know that Sheriff Joe Arpaio will not be reelected. He’s a genuine piece of shit and I honestly don’t know why he’s still alive. He’s pissed off so many people and made so many enemies. I understand his frustration with illegals, but to make inmates live in tents like they’re fucking dogs in doghouses in the brutal heat of the desert is totally inhumane. I can see this with a rapist perhaps, but with women who are prostitutes or druggies? Do they really deserve and need to be treated like animals?

I haven’t had any heartburn in a while now. It definitely had to do with that deep-dish pizza I was getting. It was just way too greasy. I have felt a lot better since I changed my diet and started eating less. Yes, I’m hungry at times but I would honestly prefer that to feeling full and bloated. I eat six times a day, every few hours, and I virtually cut out all cholesterol. I mostly have veggies. I split a giant protein cookie that is loaded with vitamins and nutrients but still tastes good in half for the first two times I eat since it’s two servings. The next two times I eat I split one of those Birds Eye protein mix bags. I really like the Tuscan and the Italian-style mixes. The California and Hawaiian styles are so-so. I won’t dare try the Southwestern or the Thai styles because I don’t like spicy foods. Curry sauce, chili, hot peppers, jalapeños… no way.

I also have a small kiddy yogurt and a fruit cup in between.

As usual, my weight began to reset itself as soon as I hit 151.8, and I don’t doubt that I’ll be back to the 154.4 that I started at, even if I keep dieting. This is where my body feels comfortable and that’s OKAY. I still feel better this way, it keeps me regular, it’s healthy, it’s low cholesterol, and it’s cheaper than TV dinners.

There really are benefits to keeping the extra weight as well as losing it. I would be healthier, more flexible, and better looking if I lost weight. But this way the clothes I got will still fit, my wedding band will still fit, and I don’t have to worry about my meds backfiring on me.

For once I slept okay and didn’t wake up too hot.

I don’t know which rat it was or if it was just some fictitious rat, but last night I dreamed that we were staying somewhere for a while and the rat we had at the time loved it there so much that we decided to leave it behind when we left. No way we would ever do anything like that, of course. Rats can be happy anywhere as long as they have food, love and attention.

Then I was in some store and I just had to have this purple and black dress that was part of some Halloween costume. I was also looking through some strange journal as well.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2016 I still can’t believe Trump won. Everything was pointing to Hillary winning, and she did win the popular votes. No offense to female Trump voters since it was your right to do so, but I have to wonder what kind of self-respect a woman could possibly have for herself if she chooses someone who hates her for the body parts she was born with. Because she thinks he’s going to stop illegal immigration? Well, think again because he just doesn’t have the kind of power a lot of people like to think he has. The vast majority of his power is over the military. I don’t know that I buy his claims of being so anti-immigration anyway because his wife started off as an illegal and he has illegals working for him. I think politicians simply say whatever they think is going to make them the most money whether it’s what people want to hear or not. Yes, I wanted Hillary, but she’s a self-serving, greedy liar too. They all have their good and bad, but I do think this team definitely has more bad than good.

Personally, I wish people would stop coming over here even the legal way because we have enough people here already hogging our precious resources. I highly doubt my husband would have spent 2.5 years on unemployment during the recession if outsiders weren’t coming over by the thousands to take what’s ours.

I know that we’re all entitled to our beliefs and that a simple belief is harmless, but Pence’s belief that gays can be cured through conversion therapy is utterly ridiculous. No one gets to choose their sexual orientation whether they’re gay, straight or bi like me. If one could be converted to being attracted to the opposite sex, then one could be converted to being attracted to the same sex. This isn’t possible, and even if it was… why??? Why should one be forced to change their sexual preference so long as they’re consenting adults?

As I said, he only has so much power, so at least we can take solace in knowing that he can’t strip women of their rights and salaries, he can’t dissolve gay marriages, and he can’t paint black people white either, as I was telling someone else. Tom doesn’t think he’ll ignite World War III, even though that’s what some people fear. We do believe Middle Eastern Muslims will attack more Europeans, however, because Europeans are the closest people they can take their frustrations out on. These are people who believe violence is the answer to everything and will use the slightest excuse to act on that belief.

I know some people are worried that this is sending the wrong message to society saying that it’s okay to hate, and that it’s going to fuel more hatred, but I don’t think it will. There were haters long before Trump hit the scene. I think people become haters because they either choose to do so or they had a horrible personal experience that made them hate.

Even so, and even though I’m a person who does not condone violence whatsoever, I wouldn’t lose any tears if Trump were ever assassinated. I doubt very much it’ll happen, but then again I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be elected either.

Later…

I had a dream that Aly tweeted to me. Good luck with that Hündin, since you don’t know of my Twitter account. She RTd a tweet saying that it’s easier to forgive an enemy than a friend. I’m sure that was aimed at me, too. Still can’t believe she feels she can’t “forgive” someone who was just being honest with her, but as we all know, the world is full of idiocy and senselessness. So yeah, if you tell a friend that she’s getting to be a little too demanding and clingy, and you warn her about phony crazies trying to burn her, you just might find your ass being dumped like yesterday’s trash. Great world we live in, ay?

Lenore is back, too.

Speaking of violence and the way kids act so animalistic these days, Tom was pointing out how my parents probably thought they were helping me by putting me through ear surgery because even though I was a bully, especially in elementary school, kids were much crueler and violence was much higher in the 60s and 70s despite there being fewer people. When our parents were kids, and even when he was a kid, it was socially acceptable for big kids to pick on little kids, just like child abuse was practically legal. If my siblings and I were born in the 90s and later instead of the 50s and 60s, our parents would have been arrested for many of the things they did if they parented in a similar fashion. Child Protective Services would have at least been called to investigate, that’s for sure.

It’s because parents are less violent as a whole that today’s children are out of control. He totally has a point when he said that you either beat them into submission and controlled them with intimidation, threats and violence, or you just let them be, and there isn’t much else in between. I’m sure there are some people who can breed and raise good kids without the violence – he came out just fine without the physical force – but he still does have a point. It’s much quicker and easier to control a person with violence than through words. Either that or money or maybe blackmail. But blackmail comes under the category of intimidation.

This is a tough one for me because while we don’t support child abuse of any kind, I sure miss the days when we could go to stores and restaurants and not be bombarded with screaming, spoiled brats running all over the place. I spent my first 26 years in the East and I don’t remember screaming kids in any restaurants or stores I ever went to. Ever. Things changed around the time I moved to Arizona in the 90s.

So do we bring back and make the unacceptable acceptable once again? I say definitely not. But there doesn’t seem to be much of a happy medium or any other way around the issue. My mother would have kicked my ass if I carried on like today’s kids back when I was a kid. But if she had been like most modern parents, I would’ve been a totally different kid and probably a different adult as well.

Another thing that pisses me off is the dual standards, and this has nothing to do with who the president is. If I beat the shit out of another white person I would be put in prison for years, but if they were black, it would automatically be labeled a hate crime even if that wasn’t the issue at all, and I would be sent to prison for life because they are a “protected class” right along with cops in most state and government officials. I’m sorry, but I still don’t see how blacks are supposed to be discriminated against on the large scale some claim they are. I can see the gays still being shit on by the masses, but with all the special laws and privileges that blacks have that whites don’t, where’s the so-called discrimination that’s supposed to be running rampant?

Later…

I hope Michelle Obama decides to run for prez in 2020. I really do. Tom and I both agree she stands a chance of winning. I think that because she’s black she has a good chance right there despite being a woman. You know me, I still say racism is exaggerated while gay-bashing is played down.

We both agree that she stands a chance because she gives better speeches and she comes off as nicer and friendlier than Hillary. Hillary is just as smart but she does come off as rather stern and businesslike in comparison. So while I may not care for blacks as a whole, Michelle is one of those exceptions and I wouldn’t mind her for president at all.

It really pisses me off that they legalized marijuana in California. Not because I care what others choose to do to their own bodies. Oh no, if you want to kill your brain cells and make yourself a fuckedtarded zombie, go ahead. The problem I have with it is that now I’ll have to gag on secondhand pot smoke when I’m out in public just like I do with cigarette smoke. I’m sure they’ll keep it out of restaurants as with cigarettes, but no one’s going to give a shit if I would prefer to breathe in clean air rather than the joint you’re smoking by the door to the Walmart I’m about to enter or exit.

Tom, however, thinks it will be treated like alcohol, which means you can’t do it in public unless it’s in a place specifically designated for that. Let’s just say this is another reason for me never to want to return to a casino.

So yeah, make yourself forgetful, make yourself stupid, give yourself lung cancer, shorten your lifespan, waste a shitload of money. Just don’t do it at my expense, ok?

Later…

Before meeting Tom, and with very few exceptions, I did a great job of attracting mostly losers. Jobless, carless, stupid, immature people that bordered on crazy. I realize that a lot of us older folks look back on our youth able to say the same thing. Youth often attracts the wrong types no matter how with it we may be.

Yet even before I started turning the heads of the computer wizards, the cops, the lawyers, the nurses and the psychologists, there has always been another pattern present in both my younger and older lives. I seem to mostly – not always but mostly - attract the shy, quiet types. Okay, so Stacey isn’t exactly shy. Quiet, but not shy. Tom is more on the shy side just as Brenda was.

The only problem with shy people is that they tend to be the ones who aren’t very exciting in bed. Then again, Brenda wasn’t that bad and she sure had a major appetite.

As sweet and as likable as Stacey is (I honestly can’t imagine anyone in the world not liking her), I can’t imagine her being very romantic even though she’s not what I would consider shy. You can’t be shy and sit and counsel people all day. She is on the quiet side, but definitely not shy.

For one who’s always had the habit of trying to imagine what people might be like in ways I’ll probably never know firsthand, I just think she would be a major bore in bed with probably not much of an appetite. She is older, though, and you don’t usually have much of an appetite as an older woman anyway. I know the one I started to “vibe” back crapped out pretty quickly.

I still wonder the same things I’ve been wondering about her. Does she think of me as often as I think of her? Does she have any specific hopes for the future? Although I can’t imagine even being just her friend, it’s also hard to imagine her never wanting to see me in some way shape or form because how many other me’s could there possibly be out there? Sweetheart or not, great body or not, she’s not what most people would consider attractive, plus she’s older. Can that many people, like me, stop and say to themselves, you know, there’s just something about Stacey? If she’s in a marriage she’s bored with, or at least that’s sexless no matter how much she may love the guy, and if she likes me and knows I like her, plus knows that I might be her last chance for any kind of “romantic” friendship, would she really pass that up?

Well, Stacey, I’m still going to be your Valentine’s Day phone call in a little over three months from now.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2016 I don’t get it. Everybody complains that Trump hates women, hates gays, hates blacks, hates Hispanics and hates Muslims. Yet they go and vote for him??? WTF? By 6:30 PM PT, it was obvious Trump would win.

I’m both surprised and not surprised. I’m surprised because I thought we were more politically correct than sexist. But then I’m not surprised because I never thought I would see a woman president in my lifetime. Poor Hillary, though. It’s got to be a bit embarrassing to know that your whorebag husband could win but you couldn’t.

Even though all politicians are pretty much the same and they all have their good and bad points, I am disappointed. On the bright side, the president doesn’t have as much power as many people believe they do. Even I know this and I know very little about politics because it simply never interested me. The only real control he has is over the military. In a sense, his presidency will affect those in other countries more than it will affect us. This can be a good thing when it comes to Muslims. That’s the one thing I agree with him on, and I don’t care who the hell I piss off in saying so. I have just as much right to my beliefs and opinions as you do, and I promised myself years ago I wouldn’t choke back in the name of political correctness, not that we’re very politically correct tonight.

Either way, we definitely have to toughen up on not only letting foreigners in general come and go and hog up our resources by taking what’s ours, but especially with potentially dangerous groups of people. Sorry, but it isn’t a small percentage of Muslims that are running around with machetes ready to kill the first person who isn’t a carbon copy of themselves, and this isn’t a belief, but a fact. It’s not just a few hundred either. It’s not even a few thousand. We’re talking millions. That’s just the way their culture is… you treat women and children like shit and you slaughter those that are different. It’s a socially accepted norm within their everyday way of living. Well, I don’t want that shit brought over here. You want to cut your neighbor’s head off for being Christian, do it on your own damn turf.

I can’t even go more than a few days without seeing some headline about some Muslim somewhere being caught with explosives, or bombing this place or bombing that place. How many more innocent people need to die before someone does something to at least cut down the number of senseless murders?

Still, I really had hoped that Hillary would win, and a big part of me actually thought she would despite sensing that I would never see a woman president in my lifetime, because for every one complaint I would hear about her, I would hear dozens about Trump. But we do live in a country where women love men and men just adore each other as well. The best we can hope for is an assassination, but would Pence really be any better? Honestly, I never could get people like these guys. If they hate women that much then why aren’t they with men?

Had to laugh when Tom said Hillary would win Florida. I knew Trump would win because of the older population there, and they tend to favor him more than the younger people.

“It depends on how the Puerto Ricans vote,” he said, “and Trump says they’re all bad.”

Yeah, and I say Puerto Ricans are dumb. They would vote for someone that hates them.

I’m back to not sleeping well and therefore I’m a little tired when I’m awake, but since I received my circadian light today, maybe it will help. I have my doubts, but then I never would have thought that Stacy’s emotional tapping or EMDR would help as much as it has either. Even if it helps for just a week or two at a time, that will make getting to appointments, going on vacation, and things like that a lot easier to deal with.

My Childhood:

Born and raised in Massachusetts in a bedroom town that wasn’t rich but was very comfortable. My parents had me when they were 32 and 33 years old, which was considered a bit old to be having kids back in 1965. My sister Tammy was 8 years older and my brother Larry was 12 years older.

The house we lived in when I was born was next to my maternal grandparents. We spent our summers in a small cottage at a Connecticut beach and moved to the older section of town when I was around 12.

My health issues consisted mainly of asthma, allergies, and a deformed ear in which my ear canal was also fused shut. Had surgery in Boston to build an outer ear through plastic surgery, but ended up with something that looked worse than what I started with.

My Teens:

Having an abusive mother with an enabling father who chose to look the other way, I developed emotional issues that left me insecure and eventually to attempt suicide.

As a child with ADHD, I didn’t always do well in school or get along well with others. I ended up in an adolescent psychiatric hospital in Vermont for 5 months which my mother promised me I would come out of as a “whole new person,” and then I attended an alternative school in the city.

In April of 1982, my parents gave me up to the state. I went through a couple of foster homes, one with a loving Italian couple and another with a neglectful black woman, before a quick trip to the state funny farm and then a private girls’ school for two years, which I hated. I did, however, become close with a few students and staffers which I’m in touch with today on Facebook.

My 20s:

Got my first apartment in the city the day before I turned 20 in 1985. At the time I was working as a housekeeper at a hotel just below the state line. I soon lost my job and went on disability.

I became a very liberal person who had both boyfriends and girlfriends. Nothing was a “sin” to me so long as the people were of age and consenting.

I had two apartments in Springfield, MA, one in South Deerfield, MA, and then I spent four months and the projects in Norwich, CT.

Had a nervous breakdown mostly due to the noise that put stress on me and prevented me from sleeping, then I finally gave up on the East altogether. I moved to Phoenix Arizona in 1992 where a longtime friend and gay guy lived that I’m no longer friends with.

For a while, I was an exotic dancer, and my husband Tom was my neighbor in one of the four apartments I would have in Phoenix before I moved into his house with him. We married in 1994. We lived in Phoenix from 1993-1999. We went through four different neighbors next door while we were there, each one progressively worse.

My 30s

In 1996 I had surgery to remove what was left of my outer left ear and to create an ear canal. I’ve had intermittent earaches because of it for the last 12 years, but surgery was necessary to rule out a tumor once I began to experience sensitivity within the ear.

In 1997 I quit smoking and in 1999 we bought a 10-acre ranch in rural Maricopa and lived there for five years.

We traded in Arizona for Oregon in 2004 after purchasing a 2.5-acre parcel of land. Our plans to build a dome house quickly fell through due to the expenses which added up fast, prompting us to rent first a duplex and then a small, old rundown house in the town of Klamath Falls.

I hated the cold and the snow, but my husband eventually got a good-paying job and we had a lot of fun shopping and winning things. I would enter tons of sweeps and contests and would win something every few days back then, from little prizes to big prizes, before the competition grew fierce with the onslaught of social media.

My 40s

We moved to NorCal in 2007. The recession damn near killed us. We spent the first eight months in motels, then rented a dumpy old trailer out in the country for five years. My husband was on unemployment for 2.5 years, and I’m not able to work mostly due to circadian rhythm disorder.

In the fall of 2011, he was finally given a good-paying job and it was all uphill from there. In the summer of 2013, we bought a two-bedroom house in a gated adult community. It’s a little noisier than I’d like, but we love having something that’s not so old and all the extra space.

In January 2014 we took a wonderful trip to Maui with travel credit I won right after I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease and told I had high cholesterol.

July 9th of that year and one day shy of our 1-year anniversary in this house, I called the paramedics in a panic because I thought I was having a heart attack and suspected my thyroid medication was connected to it somehow. It was absolutely terrifying and I believed I would die that day. It wasn’t a heart attack, however, just extreme anxiety unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.

My 50s

The incident with my thyroid medication traumatized me so deeply that I was compelled to switch medical groups (though we also switched for other reasons) and I began to see a therapist. I suffered on and off for a year and a half. Tachycardia, along with perimenopause, was a factor in what happened. They all fueled each other in a bad way.

In late January we flew from California to Fort Lauderdale, Florida and then went on a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico. The cruise ended up being a nightmare, but reuniting with the sister I hadn’t seen in 25 years back in Florida, along with seeing two of my nieces since they were babies, was a wonderful experience.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2016 It’s been almost a year without Andy in my life and I can’t say I miss him. This doesn’t mean I hate him or wish bad things upon him or that I think he’s a bad person. We definitely had our share of fun, funny and interesting moments. I’ll always giggle when certain things come to mind, and if he suddenly showed up homeless on my doorstep, of course I wouldn’t have the heart to turn him away.

We just simply grew to be way too different over the years. His ignorance, arrogance and stupidity really got to me. Normally I don’t give a shit who might have these little false truths in mind that they believed about me, as there is a difference between a belief in fact, but aren’t our friends supposed to be able to take us for face value?

Did he know me better than most people? Absolutely. But sometimes we’re wrong about the people we know well, and we don’t know every single thing there is to know about them. People change and you can’t always assume they’re going to handle something a certain way based on their past actions. I mean, when he was a kid in school he ignored bullies. Today he’d fight back. Now if something like watching TV got in the way of my writing then I might very well reconsider watching TV.

I just got so tired of being judged and compared to others as well as himself constantly. If I disagreed with him it was because I was “being just like my mother,” rather than an individual who simply happened not to agree with him.

If he was jealous of someone who was young and skinny, then it was automatically assumed that I was too, and that there was no way anybody else was going to be comfortable with who/what they were, even if they knew they weren’t perfect, as long as he wasn’t comfortable with his own self. Everybody was expected to have the same insecurities he had. That’s just the way he was. He didn’t seem to care if others could relate to his positive traits and experiences, but any negative ones were automatically assumed to be mutual. Like he got off on the idea of others being miserable right along with him, not that he was always miserable. But he seemed to be down in some way a lot of the time.

I also didn’t care for his two-wrongs-make-a-right attitude. “It’s about time whites got to feel how blacks once felt,” he once said.

I remember shaking my head sadly, embarrassed for him, the day he said this. Did he ever listen to himself? Did he ever hear the stupidity and senselessness in many of his words? You might as well tell every woman who hasn’t been raped that it’s about time she finds out what those who have been raped feel like, right?

It was weird, though, because he could be as compassionate as he was lacking in empathy. He bought coats for the homeless, and he sent me cheesecake when I was going through the side effects in conjunction with the perimenopause… but Robin Williams threw it all away just for shits and giggles?

Now let’s talk about the selfishness – yes he did apologize for not even making it out of the parking lot of the train station when we picked him up yet already he’d mentioned God, and yes he did apologize for being stingy with the gum after we spent enough money on him – but why was it that I was always quick to ask him how his doctors appointments when more often than not he wouldn’t ask me shit? He would eventually read about it in my journals, but was that really the same thing? Especially if you’re going to read about an appointment 6 months after the fact?

The hypocrisy was like OMG at times. How can you pat yourself on the back for being what you believe is unique, but then you seem to want to go out of your way to fit into the so-called norms? In one breath he would bash those that bash blacks and gays, but then he would turn around and judge my husband who never did a damn thing to him in his life. He would judge his lifestyle and preferred way of living, despite the fact that it works just fine for him and he’s happy. AND Andy’s the same loner he is. The only difference is that with Tom it’s by choice. With Andy, it’s because he can’t make friends or keep them for very long when he does.

He once said that when we were younger, other gays didn’t like us. In hindsight, I can see that that’s only half true. I can’t speak for him, but for me, the issue was more that back then I was just so damn picky than that there was nobody that wanted me. These days, however, I’m not solely attracted to ultra-feminine women. I’ve actually come to like them in the middle and I’ve actually preferred that since around the new millennium. I realize that a lot of women that were interested in me back in the pre-Tom days that I wasn’t attracted to; I would now probably consider them attractive or at least acceptable. Honestly, I doubt I would be attracted to Stacey 20 years ago. These days she’s totally my type. The only thing she doesn’t have that I normally go for is height. She’s a brilliant psychologist with a brilliant and compassionate mind. She has a great body, warm brown eyes and a sexy smile, though I can see where most people may consider her face rather average-looking. And her shoulder-length brown hair.

I appreciate that he apologized for some of the judgmental, cruel and false things he said about both myself and my husband. But no matter how sincerely we may apologize that doesn’t take back, erase or undo what was said and the hurt that was caused by those words. People may forgive but they don’t forget. Not until selective amnesia is a real possibility.

As for his constant forgetfulness and being slow to grasp some things, I think that was for a variety of reasons. I understand that the pot damaged brain cells along the way. I get that. And he may not be the brightest person on earth naturally, but he wasn’t the dumbest either and I think that he would sometimes play dumb/slow just to mess with and frustrate people. Again, I know we can’t always judge people in the present by how they were in the past, but as even he admitted, he sometimes liked to annoy and mindfuck people. The more I would let him know that his constant obsession/chatter with celebrities and food, for example, was annoying, the more he would “happen” to mention these topics. The more I would dislike a particular picture, the more I would see it on his old Ask wall before that site went to hell. The more I would have preferred not to hear about God, the more I would.

I would never want anyone to try to change or control me, but when someone I supposedly care about lets me know something I’m overdoing something and being annoying, I do try to curb it within reason. I get, however, that if you literally are obsessed/addicted to something it’s not easy to choke it back any more than it’s easy to quit smoking. Food, celebrities and young men were what made his world go around, you could say. LOL

Another thing I don’t miss is the blatant lack of sensitivity. His insisting Robin Williams “threw it all away” is not only a sheer display of utter ignorance but also an ultimate display of stupidity. Any idiot with half a brain would have common sense enough to know that no one’s so damn happy that they up and decide to say WTF one day and throw it all away. It’s a mental illness! Various medical conditions, illnesses, injuries and medications can affect anyone emotionally at any time, and if you think you’re invisible and that it’s all a matter of choice, you’re a real fucktard IMO. Seriously, I hope the guy didn’t take the cooking class he once said he considered. That’d not only feed his obsession with food (pardon the pun), but I think a psychology class would be more beneficial to him. In the end, it’s his life and his decision. I’m just sure that most experts would agree that not all suicidal people can be saved just like not all cancer patients can be saved.

As they say, you can’t change people and make them who/what you want them to be, and I wouldn’t want to any more than I would want someone doing that to me. Therefore I am glad I can just avoid these types of idiots instead. We were just too damn different in the end as I said. He’s sure there’s a God and that things happen for a reason and are destined to play out the way they do. I believe there probably isn’t a God and things are just random. There’s just too much diversity in people’s lives. If there were a sense of order and sameness for all of us, then it would seem planned and designed to be that way. But sometimes the innocent baby dies of cancer while the murderer wins the lottery. My sister’s a die-hard fan/believer of God yet she had a heart attack and a million other health issues this year. I’m agnostic and 95% of 2016 has been great. Sorry, but I don’t see the “grand plan” in that. But you know what? It’s ok to disagree. It’s when we go into judgmental, critical, control-freak mode that I have a problem with. Sometimes you’re wrong and sometimes I’m wrong, too. Nobody knows it all.

He once said he prayed for Comcast to be late with a repair job so he’d get something like $20, and they were late and he did get the money. Well, guess what? They were late with us too, we didn’t pray, yet we still got the money, too. Go figure. I still say it comes down to fate and not what we pray for. If prayer actually worked, we could ask for anything we wanted. I just don’t know if there’s something up there deciding on what we get/don’t get, or if it’s happenstance, but I’m leaning with chance based on the random diversity I pointed out in which no obvious pattern is present. So… Life is going to play itself out whether I prefer it to play out a certain way or not. That’s just been my own personal experience and observation.

What it came down to with Andy was not only the things I just mentioned but his negativity as well. I realized that in his mind he was just being honest, and it isn’t that I don’t appreciate the truth, but there’s a time to be honest and there’s a time to just accept and be happy for people. When you focus on nothing but the negative possibilities and aspects of things, people find you both annoying and depressing, almost as if you don’t want them to be happy.

Lastly, the immaturity got frustrating. We’re all young at heart in various ways. I mean look at me with my rainbow teddy bear. But again, too much is too much IMO, and oftentimes I felt like I was talking to a teenager.

So do I want to resume our friendship now that a year has passed? No, I don’t, and I don’t think he does either. I hope not for his sake. But I do wish him the very best.

Later…

Waved hello to Geri as I was out front watering the cactus that we plan to move into a bigger pot. It’s a large clay pot that was left here by the last owners.

We’re planning to finally do the floors next month. I’ve got a design in mind for the kitchen and one in mind for the laundry/bathroom area. Andy was the smarter one when it came to that. Yes, that’s the one thing he definitely got right that we didn’t… leaving only the bedrooms carpeted. Well, I’ll consider this the practice house. The next house will only have carpet in the bedrooms, all the walls will be white so no wall hangings clash with the colored walls, the place will be less busy so it’s less circus-like, and wooden blinds will be in the windows instead of these traditional blinds. Wooden blinds have a stick where you can open and close them in a split-second. With regular blinds, you have to keep winding and winding the stupid wand. Wooden blinds will also be sturdier whereas these are flimsy.

I was so glad to learn that they canceled Oktoberfest on Sunday, which the rain had prevented last month! I’m just amazed because I don’t usually get that lucky. One less thing to have to deal with.

It’s also been surprisingly quiet these last couple of days as far as motorcycles go. Didn’t hear the really loud car stereo tonight, but it might have blasted around when I was under the headphones.

I can’t believe how lucky we got with the new neighbors and how quiet next door has been for over a year now. This is a totally well-deserved compensation for the years we had to put up with one bad neighbor after another who just couldn’t shut up. To this day I have to ask myself… how did I not end up snapping and totally losing it on one of them? Everybody has their breaking point and we can only be pushed so far for so long. I’m just glad we escaped it before I could finally snap, storm over to them in the heat of the moment, and do who knows what.

The people next to the “Twenties” have red and green projection Christmas lights dancing across the front of their place and it looks really cool. Still think it’s way too early for that kind of thing, but that’s just how this country is… instead of waiting till it’s a few weeks away from an event, they start celebrating a few months in advance. It’s silly and annoying but I guess it’s harmless.

I was laughing at a couple of things I read. One said that you’re partly bigoted if you even so much as notice that somebody you may pass in the store or something like that is black. Oh, come on. How can you not notice any more than you can not notice if they’re white? Take Alyssa, for example, who just married black guy. Does anyone who knows her really think she’s unaware of the fact that Donte is black and consider her part racist? So… sorry but I gotta disagree with this one.

Then there’s the issue of what’s judgmental and what’s not. It’s human nature to form opinions on various things the instant we hear and see things throughout life. We do it subconsciously without even realizing it. It’s like that saying… opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got them. So I don’t think it makes us judgmental in a bad way because we may mentally decide that the woman at the bank wore a very pretty shirt while the guy down the street painted his house an ugly color. I think we only become judgmental in a bad way when we criticize others for being who/what they are and trying to force them to conform to what we think is right.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2016 Last night’s plans of enjoying the night away and into the wee hours of the morning turned into a long, luxurious sleep. It felt so good, too. Not sure why I tired down so early, but I must’ve slept longer than I have in ages. Like 10-11 hours. Didn’t sleep with my Fitbit on, so I don’t know the exact time.

Sarah’s health took a turn for the better and she’s now home. Good for her!

I was very active yesterday and this caused the muscle injury I’ve had for a few weeks now to flare back up. The one in my very lower left gut where the stomach meets the pubes. So I’ll limit what types of exercises I do for the next week to hopefully finally get rid of it for good. I’m like, come on, heal already!

After we returned from walking and running my heart fluttered more than usual. Like maybe a dozen palpitations instead of just a few. It was a little unnerving and might’ve been scary had I been alone. Hope it does this during my stress test next month so they can tell me if it’s harmless or not, though I think it’s pretty safe to say it’s probably harmless. I’m alive, aren’t I? Still, it was weird and I wonder if it should’ve done that or not.

My eyes have been itchy the last few days and the allergy eye drops I usually use for that didn’t help, so I used Tom’s artificial teardrops and that helped a lot.

Has Stacey literally dried up my tears by EMDRing me? LOL, I haven’t shed a tear since, though most of the tears I have shed over the last couple of years have been medically/hormonally induced. I think the last time I cried genuine tears of sadness was when my rat Sugar died. There were also tears of joy when I reunited with my family at the beginning of the year.

My light gray sweatshirt with the cat face arrived yet I was totally swimming in it so I gave it to Tom. It looks good on him.

Last night I dreamed I was walking down a long hallway and I glanced into a small room with an open door. The back wall of the room had a window in which I could see my dad sitting just outside of it on a chaise lounge on an enclosed porch patio of some kind.

I walked into the room to say hello. He was munching on some chips and talking on the phone with Mom. He handed the phone to me and my mother began talking but I don’t remember what she said.

Later…

And the loud car stereo has hit the scene. How can people still be “ok” with these things??? This is like the 6th night in a row this thing has been at it. They stop the music and start it and back and forth. You can tell they’re doing it just to piss people off.

Stepped outside to try to see where it was coming from, and it was right over the wall somewhere. Even a couple of other people came out to try to see what the fuck was up. I could hear the hot water tank door vibrating it was so fucking loud.

Someone’s finally GOT to do something about this shit, but when??? How many more decades is it going to take??? Do we have to wait till they’re loud enough to literally destroy windows and homes before action is finally taken?

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2016 Signing it at a sunny 65° after waking up just in time to hear the first motorcycle of the day tearing around the corner.

I’m worried about Sarah who has been hospitalized. At first I thought it was just a shoulder injury that they mentioned before and that they were just being their usual dramatic selves. But she actually has a bowel infection and the bowel is twisted. It’s fixable, which is nice to know, but it may require surgery to do it. Let’s hope not!

Tammy called and filled me in on what’s going on with everybody. That poor sister of mine is so overwhelmed now with all that’s going on. Wish she’d get the break she deserves! And Sarah, too. I hate to say it, but I’m so glad we never had kids. That’d just be one more (or more than one more) person to have to worry about.

Anyway, they thought she had a stomach bug at first, only she was in pain and not having the runs or any bowel movements at all. So Becky called the ambulance and Tammy shot on over. She was able to beat the ambulance since they were just a few minutes away. They had her on liquids at first, then let her order regular food to see if that would get things going. It didn’t. So they’re not sure what they’re going to do next, but Tammy said she’d keep me posted.

I learned something new about myself while chatting with Tammy. I knew she was 8 and Larry was 12 when they moved from Springfield to Longmeadow, but I thought I wasn’t born until after they moved to Longmeadow. She said nope, I was born when they were still on Willowbrook and how I was in her room, she had to put up with my shit, and she wanted to open the window and toss me out, hahaha.

Also, they found traces of asbestos in one of her lungs, which she suspects could be from the Willowbrook house and maybe the older Longmeadow house. Well, if she’s got traces, I might, too.

So I worry for them and I also worry about my numbers when I hit the labs next month. My TSH would have to float up to around 16 before I could tolerate 88mcgs without the killer anxiety. I hope it stays where it has been, though. It’s usually around 10.

As for my cholesterol… I know it’s going to be high. It’s just a matter of how high.

Said hello to Bob and Virginia yesterday when I saw them sitting outside the front of their place on the way to pick up the mail. She said she liked my purple pants and purple shoes. Damn, that woman has bionic eyes for an oldie to be able to tell my shoe color from where she sat on her patio. I never left the street as we spoke.

The only thing that shoots down the doctor’s jaw joint arthritis theory is that it not only seems worse when I lay on it but like the pain is more toward the surface. It almost feels like it’s in the area where what’s left of the upper part of the ear meets my head. But with the jaw being so close it could be deceptive as far as exact location, and we do lay on our jaw/teeth to a degree. People have had what they thought were earaches that were really toothaches, so who knows for sure?

Couldn’t take the dizziness yesterday when trying to fast so I had one of those nutritional cookies that still taste good but that’s loaded with protein, vitamins and minerals, and I felt MUCH better. By the end of the day, I’d consumed about 1200 calories and was down another half a pound when I got up. So even though I can’t go longer than 3-4 hours without getting dizzy, I still ate less.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2016 Lenore is still checking my blog as religiously as she is.

My new zebra pattern stockings fit well, but the skirt is too tight. It’s too bad too, because the skirt is surprisingly good quality for the price.

My sizzling pink sweatshirt fits perfectly and is also of good quality.

Peyton’s Rainbow dress looks great. Better than the dull outfit she came in.

The Neroli chamomile shower bombs I got smell wonderful, but they don’t last long. You’re supposed to put them in a spot that gets wet but that isn’t in the shower stream. Yet this isn’t very easy to do in the master bathroom’s tiny little phone booth shower stall. Just the water bouncing off of me pretty much hits every spot. That’s the thing I hate most about this house that I otherwise love. You have this 10 x 8 bathroom with this little teeny shower in it.

I slept kind of shitty the last two nights so I’m lightheaded again and may not get much done today other than the laundry. Part of that may be my fault. I got the bright idea to try to fast for the day. If you fast for just a single day here and there it’s supposed to be very beneficial. It boosts the immune system, detoxes the body, and boosts the metabolism. Long-term fasting has negative effects on the other hand.

Hunger pangs are one thing, but head rushes are another. I got up at 8:30 and at 11:15 my head was swimming, so I slammed on a yogurt. I take multivitamins every day which need to be taken with food, but that also has to wait 4 hours after taking my thyroid meds, so at around 1:00, I may have a little something. I just can’t do what I was able to do 30 years ago. Grrr.

Had a dream that Stacey surprised me with two or three letters, but I don’t know if the “letters” were postal letters or emails.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2016 Seriously? Now we’re up to THREE motorcycles on this circle alone where OLD people live?!

And damn the Twenties and their service vehicles and visitors! Argh! I won’t even get into the landscaping, planes and car stereos I heard yesterday as well, though the stereos aren’t in the park.

Anyway, I went to my ENT and was seen in the exam room by a new male nurse. He was very friendly and was also nice enough to use an old-fashioned blood pressure cuff on me. I hate the electronic ones. Ridiculous fear or not, I always worry they’re going to lose their minds and squish me to death. I’d rather rely on a human being than a machine for something like this. So I’m almost normal at 130/80. HR was 97, not surprisingly. Weight = fatty but I have a new plan of attack in mind for that.

The doctor recently married and her name has changed. The instant she stepped into the room and I looked at her face I thought, wow, she’s gained weight. Then my eyes moved downward. She’s pregnant, so that explains it, LOL.

So I told her my ear’s been really achy and I’ve had to oil it every day instead of a few times a week, yet when she looked inside everything looked fine. It didn’t even need to be cleaned of dead skin or anything.

She said the drainage I sometimes feel is probably allergies, and that I should return to my nasal spray. I stopped using it only because it’s not prime allergy time, but then why wait for the sneezing fits to strike, right?

She said she could refer me to other specialists if I’d like but that there was nothing that could be done about the achiness, which she said could be arthritis in my jaw. Hmm… she has a point there. I never thought of that, but it’s true that when it aches it is in the jaw joint area. She also recommended getting a mouth guard from my dentist in case grinding my teeth in my sleep, which I think I might do, is a factor. I don’t see my dentist till March, but I’ll definitely mention it to her. For now, I’ll keep up the daily oiling cuz it has helped as opposed to every few days.

Will return to my ENT in May. She still wants to keep up on it every 6 months, which makes me feel better as well.

Now I have to decide whether or not to carry on with NaNoWriMo, and maybe I’ll do some highlights on some old stuff, too. It just may be a few days before it’s posted.

Last night I had dreams about being stuck in Oregon with no way to contact Tom to tell him where I was and have him come and get me.

Then I had a ridiculously silly dream where next door’s house was even closer than it really is, and instead of their garage window facing our bedroom windows, there was a bathroom window instead. Tom was going to do something to their window late at night to keep their light from shining into our bedroom. Only problem was that there was a thorny rosebush he would have to work around in the dream. In reality, we have blackout shades/curtains. Works great. :)

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2016 Had a nice half-hour walk in the fog this morning. Yesterday I met with Dr. S for the second and probably the last time. This is because, as I expected, there’s no cure for my type of circadian rhythm disorder and there really isn’t much more he can do for me other than recommend melatonin supplements and a LUX lightbox. Melatonin is only so helpful for so long, so I’m going to try the 10,000 LUX light he recommended I use for the first half-hour of my day to help set my body’s rhythm. I don’t think it’s going to get me on a schedule, but it may help, and since it’s not a medication or anything going into my body, why not? It’s safe. :-) It’s similar to a SAD lamp that people use to fight seasonal depression. I could have used one of those up in Oregon not that I was “depressed.” I was just rather blah, though, and didn’t have much energy.

Come to think of it, though, when we were in the RV on Bly Mountain on the 2.5-acre parcel of land we so briefly owned up in Oregon, I slept alongside a huge window. I would awaken with the sunlight that would stream into it as soon as it rose above the evergreens and junipers. So I wonder… if I lived outdoors as if it were primitive times, would I be on a schedule? Maybe not, since this disorder was discovered in blind people, after all.

I learned from him that there are different types of circadian rhythm disorders. One of them is a delayed circadian rhythm disorder where people can’t help but fall asleep and get up earlier than they like, like 6 PM to 3 AM, for example. There’s a late one too, where people go to bed and get up later than they’d like. Those won’t prevent you from working outside of the house like my kind does.

I told him that I would sometimes use Benadryl to help me sleep, but never cared for how groggy it could make me the next day and how long it would make me sleep. Even though I may wake up at times, I still average eight hours of sleep, so that much is good. He said Benadryl is best to avoid because it can affect cognitive memory. Back when I used to use it more often I had memory issues, but untreated hypothyroidism can cause that as well. My memory has improved tremendously with thyroid treatment.

I’m not even using lorazepam anymore. In fact, I’m almost certainly going to cancel my December appointment with the new shrink. I haven’t had anxiety for the better part of a year now that my medication has been regulated, so there’s no point in seeing him.

The sleep doc said that those who end up with Hashimoto’s usually start off with hyperthyroidism, and even though they never tested me for some reason back then, both Tom and I would be willing to bet that I did indeed have hyperthyroidism 20 years ago. I’ve always been a rather animated person, but I was WAY more hyper than I was now and my heart raced more often back then, too. It will get racy if I stop my meds, though, because as O pointed out, your heart can race if you have too little or too much thyroid hormone in you.

I have had palpitations here and there where the heart flutters noticeably hard for about three or four beats. Sometimes it seems to skip a beat or double up on beats, but I can’t say for sure that it is. That’s why I’m having a stress test in December. He said that some palpitations are harmless while others could put you at risk for stroke or heart attack. When we first moved to Cali I had them all the time, but when I checked online I found that more often than not, they’re harmless. Family history says I could have problems later in life, but right now I would be willing to bet that my heart is still just fine. I’m still relatively young, I’m active, I’m not obese, and I eat right most days.

So we have the LUX light, a new hand vacuum, new batteries for the scale, a new felt cube for the rats to nest in, and rat bedding on the way from Amazon since we’ll need it before the next bedding subscription arrives.

He also got some electronic-related stuff and I got some clothes. A black skirt, black zebra patterned pantyhose, a pink sweatshirt, a sweatshirt with the aurora borealis printed on it, and an ash-gray sweatshirt with a cat face.

I also got a rainbow dress for one of my 18-inch dolls and shower bombs. I guess you place the bomb on the shower floor away from the spray and it’s supposed to make your shower smell really good. I got the neroli and chamomile-scented ones.

Yesterday’s traffic and landscaping were totally obnoxious, especially the landscaping. I didn’t hear any motorcycles yesterday, but I have today. Figured I would, too.

Not sure I want to continue on with NaNoWriMo as I just don’t have any exciting ideas. That’s something I can’t really force. I either have a great idea to expand on or I don’t. More than likely I will just edit my last book.

I’m also not sure if I want to continue with my monthly bio project because it is just so much work to go through so many years of journals, pulling out the main highlights, etc. I’ll leave what I have posted so far which is up to mid-1993. I can always decide later on to continue with that if I want to, but if I do, it’s a project that could easily take a year or two.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2016 NaNoWriMo has begun but I haven’t. Yesterday I totally took a day off from life. I wasn’t fatigued; I just didn’t feel like doing much of anything. We all have those days every now and then. I did go out for a walk and I did do some things I usually do, but for the most part, I just sat around, goofed off, and was annoyed with the tech issues going on at Prosebox.

Change always equals tech issues. I understand that people want to keep perfecting and making things better, but sometimes things already are better and they should be left alone. There’s so much change online that it drives me batty at times. Amazon’s changed so much that I can’t even find where I stored my doc files. That’s okay, though, as I can always back things up on other sites. I just wish people would leave a good thing alone and remember that they wouldn’t have gotten users in the first place if they didn’t like the sites just the way they were.

The only popular site that I rarely use is Facebook. Never had an Instagram account either. I can’t do anything on Facebook without it being thrown in my friends’ feeds, and I still say it’s none of their business, as much as I love them unless I want to make it their business. So I rarely “react” or comment on things. Even if I could control who sees my activity as easily as I can control what I see of their activity, there’s nothing for me to really do there. I always hated their games.

Gotta see my sleep specialist today. Even though I’ve only seen him once, I still don’t see how he can help me. There simply is no cure for circadian rhythm disorder. If there is, it’s news to me. I guess I can update whatever he says later on or tomorrow. I mean I probably shouldn’t share anything health-related in public, but it really is no big deal. Oh, it’s a big deal if you’re cursed with having to live with it, but I know how so many people are… if they don’t get it, then it can’t possibly exist or it must be some grand lie/excuse. Well, it’s not my job to educate life’s little ignorants. :-) It’s just my job to live my life the best I can in a way that suits me best.

Didn’t hear any motorcycles yesterday, but as expected, the end of the rain brought out the blowers and somebody’s hammer, along with the usual spattering of car door slamming. So, little distractions but nothing maddening. It was raining in the wee hours of the night, but there’s only a 25% chance of rain during the day today.

I just asked Alexa what the temperature is in Springfield and it’s 26°! ROTFL!!! It’s colder there right now than in Klamath Falls. It’s 55° here right now. Still, I envy those in Florida and Maui right now.

[1-50thofabuck]

Trading Card Cases & Outdoor Encounters III

I ordered some trading card cases for my various decks, such as the two Outdoor Encounter decks that I have. Looking at it though, isn’t it odd, the amount of space left? It’s almost exactly 2/3rds full.

As if there’s room enough for just one more deck. If only I had Outdoor Encounters III.

So, heck with it, I got the deck. It fits perfectly with just enough room to make it manageable.

Outdoor Encounters III includes a new kind of card: locations. It’s kind of odd to switch up and add a new card type in the third and last. I’m wondering if they ran out of ideas for the normal encounters or if they just had a brainstorm and decided to add them. They fit well, though, and don’t seem at all out of place. Once shuffled together they certainly don’t feel anomalous. 

Random dungeon entrances are great. I personally love the idea that dungeons are so common you can just stumble across entrances like in a Legend of Zelda game(at least the ancient ones I grew up playing). Have some dungeons prepped for when the PCs come across one, or use all the various cards sold by Philip Reed to randomly generate one on the go! (Or using your system of choice. As I mentioned I didn’t opt for the dungeon generation cards because I have random dungeon gen stuff coming out my ass backwards. Choosing which one to use or finding a way to cobble them all together would be a greater and more amusing challenge for me.) 

I also like that the locations are given the standard “hostile,” “indifferent,” “friendly” labels just like encounters with monsters/NPCs. They also include a fourth label, “abandoned,” reflecting that it’s less than indifferent - which could go either way. I’m just guessing that’s a difference - I’m not really sure how a strange outcropping with a dungeon door is “indifferent,” compared to another dungeon entrance which is “hostile,” or a glowing pyramid filled with corpses and treasure or an obelisk carved with learnable spells being “abandoned.” I would think perhaps the pyramid would be “indifferent” since it has treasure, but also a chance of afflicting PCs with a disease. At any rate, these labels don’t matter too much to sit and split hairs about the differences. The text description is what’s important, the label simply being a quick reference.

Reed has a specialized box for such cards as a Kickstarter, which I supported as in a previous post. I ordered that and a number of other decks. Whether I move these three to that one, or use that one for others, we’ll see when they come in. Perhaps I’ll post an update with images of the card box after construction, the new decks and so on. Apparently the decks are in and Reed is waiting for the actual card boxes, which I imagine will be in soon.

One thing I’ll say, his Kickstarters go from funded to product-in-your-mailbox fast. 

Never would have imagined way back when I was messing around with his 4C RPG(a Marvel Supers retroclone, and a public domain system like ours!) that all these years later I’d be spending on all these other products, but what can I say, the man produces quality. 

In other news - 

While we continue to proofread and pretty up “the Hypogeum of Hate,” our upcoming free adventure module set in a fantasy Celtic Scotland, we’re looking for playtesters to play another upcoming module, “the Blind Leading the Blind,” set on a tiny island in the same area. Fae, fomorians, wild enchanted items, cultural clashes, conspiracies and ancient secrets abound on the Enistis, beginning with this lost dungeon the PCs uncover. As they discover clues hidden throughout, should they survive long enough, they will realize that the dungeon was not lost but sealed away in the hopes that those who built it would not rise and bring terror to the entire island. Because this was the stronghold of the Soliform Order of the Knights of the Lord’s Keep, who brought back the dark secrets of immortality they had found and used them - until the day the forces of Order shut them away, secretly, in the dark. There they wait for the PCs to free them - just as their book of prophecy foretold…

One thing players liked about the original version of this adventure when I ran it long ago was that it contained almost no “intelligent” monsters. Giant insects, slimes, aberrations, rodents, bats, hazardous plants and other unintelligent but dangerous creatures gave the module a more disquieting and unnerving feel, driving home the emptiness and desolation. I hope you all will like this as well, and that it makes the intelligent monsters, once PCs unleash them, all the more frightening.

There are various “paths” PCs can take to complete the adventure, which could give the module an amount of replayability. As there are items meant to help with different scenarios and situations within, and these can be found in several orders(or not at all), it almost has a “Mega Man” like number of choices, should the PCs figure everything out, that could make it fun to replay to try tackling these challenges in different orders, or even “shuffling” items and perhaps monsters to produce such replayability. Simplify the system and you might even have a board game - anything’s possible! You think this is a good idea? You like it? Contact me! Think it’s dumb? Let me know!

If anyone is interested in playtesting - by participating in play through the Penny Thought Exchange Discord server(and maybe Roll20?) or by running it yourself for your own friends, please contact me here. Send a PM if you wish. Thanks!

And thanks to Philip Reed for the many years of high-quality, cost-effective releases! It was the 4C System that helped me rediscover the old Marvel system, which I hadn’t played in forever. 

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

Yn to the freshman: I’ve flicked the bean sm because of the man you will not be getting any real action before me

The freshman: 👁👄👁

“Monica, hey. You caught me just in time, I was about to leave. How can I help you?”

“Hey, Harry!” The young woman steps to the side to allow Harry to finish exiting his office, watching intently as he locks the door behind him and tucks the keys into the front pocket of his tan slacks, fixing his glasses on his nose before giving her his full undivided attention. He gives her an anticipatory glimpse, silently egging her to state her business outside of his door, and the way in which he gazes down at her over the crests of his cheekbones makes the tips of Monica’s ears burn. His cool and collective personality can be so fucking intimating. “I was actually wondering if we could maybe get together sometime soon, I could really use some help with my term paper! There’s some things I’m still unclear about and I was hoping you could shed some light on those areas.”

“Did you look at the rubric?”

“I did, but I just wanna double-check in case I misunderstood anything.”

“Fair enough. Prevention is better than damage control.” Harry slips his bag over his torso, settling it along the outer part of his thigh with an empty thud. “My office hours are posted on the portal and on my door, you can drop by any time and I’ll be happy to clarify whatever you need.”

“Oh, um, I— I was actually hoping we could maybe do it over coffee? If you’re available, of course.”

Harry raises an eyebrow skeptically, the edges of his lips quirking into an unenthusiastic grimace. “Coffee?

The freshman begins to fiddle with the notebook in her hands, struggling to keep eye contact under his scrutinizing behavior. “Yeah! Maybe on campus, or at that cute café in the outdoor mall that opened up last summer? The Avalon, I think it’s called.”

He pauses for a moment, proceeding to clear his throat softly as he adjusts the strap of his bag over his shoulder, tone blasé and logical. “Don’t see why we’d need to do all that for a tutoring session.”

The young woman’s arms tighten around her books as she tries to regulate her nerves. “Oh, I was just…I just thought—”

“I’m more comfortable in my office. That way, we can go down the hall and ask the prof any questions that I might not be able to answer.” He remarks with blunt finality, cocking his head towards the closed door of his designated room, referencing the paper taped at the center of the frosted glass window. “Again, office hours are on my door and posted on the portal. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to go on my lunch break, so I’ll see you in class on Friday. Don’t forget to do the online quiz, and email me if you have any more questions. Have a nice day.”

Y/N, who’d been observing the exchange from around the corner of the wall, actively bites into her tongue to keep from sputtering into laughter. A wave of twisted satisfaction surges through her chest as she watches Harry turn his back on the girl with a curt nod goodbye, pacing directly towards her with an emotionless aura about his nature, as if he’s already forgotten Monica’s existence. The student’s face pinches into a hurt expression over his shoulder, and she finally peels away towards the other end of the building, clearly dejected and irked by his cutthroat rejection. Y/N finds herself feeling a bit guilty for finding pleasure in the awkwardness of the exchange. She’s happy he’d turned her down, because indirectly, it means he’s probably not interested in pursuing anyone else except her, but she’s always been prone to empathizing with others, so she can imagine the dent the entire situation must have left on Monica’s confidence.

Y/N dismisses her thoughts as Harry finally meets her at the end of the corridor, opting for repenting later when she’s has the time to spare.

He greets her with an airy smile, his demeanor much less harsh and clinical than it’d been a few seconds prior. “Ready for lunch?”

Y/N returns his gesture with a gentle grin of her own, nodding delicately as she falls into step beside him, heading for the exit of the liberal arts building in route to the university’s cafeteria. “Gotta admit, that was kinda hot.”

Harry’s features peak with mystified curiosity at her unexpected compliment, utterly lost on what he’d done to deserve it. “What was?”

She juts her head back over her shoulder in a motion that highlights the scene that had unfolded earlier, and she can’t stop her mouth from curling smugly at the fact that she’s one of the only people who gets to enjoy Harry’s company off campus. “The way you turned her down. It was very technical and prompt. Points for professionalism.”

Recognition slowly dawns across Harry’s appearance, his dimples winking awake. “You were eavesdropping?”

“I happened to be in the area and accidentally overheard the convo.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s exactly what happened.” He replies playfully, absently drumming the pads of his fingers along the thick strap of the bag hanging off his body. He reverts back to her initial topic, shrugging one shoulder casually as he unconsciously matches her stride, his voice indifferent and dismissive. “It wasn’t hard, to be honest. I don’t sleep with students.”

Y/N blinks blankly at his contradictory statement. “We’re all students here, Harry.”

“Right, let me rephrase: I don’t sleep with my students.”

“Mm, smart. Prevents bias.”

“Precisely. S’not fair to score higher on an assignment just because you’re deepthroating the TA on weekends, is it?”

“Not fair at all.”

“It keeps things clean cut and simple. I don’t like drama, especially not when it comes to my degree. Don’t really feel like getting expelled.”

She gives him an understanding nod, allowing a couple of silent beats to suspend between them for a moment, the only sound being the echoing steps of their shoes. Then, she speaks up again, her words a low, curious mumble. “Is that the only reason you rejected her?”

Harry shoots her a knowing glance, mood sarcastic and jesting. “I think we both know the answer to that, Dickinson.”

“Do we?”

“Yeah. We do.”

“I don’t think I do, actually. I might need you to clarify, Socrates.”

He sighs lightly through his nose, extending his arm forward as they reach the glass door of the building, tugging it open and stepping to the side for her to pass first. “Are you really gonna make me say it?”

Y/N halts before the threshold of the exit, refusing to move even a smidge, a cocky smirk stringing across her lips as she stands there and waits for him to cave under her whims. “Absolutely.”

Harry rolls his eyes grandly, running his tongue over his top teeth and pushing it against the inside of his cheek, contemplating her with a deadpan look and an apathetic vein under his next comment. “Are you serious right now? What are you, five?”

“And a half.” She jokes arrogantly, crossing her arms over her chest as she begins tapping the toe of her converse expectantly, not intending to budge anytime soon. “So I suggest you elaborate on what you meant, or we’ll be here all day. And I suggest you hurry; I heard The Pavilion has those chicken fajita wraps you like and they always run out quick.”

The young man sighs again, the exhale rough and irritated this time around, though she can detect a faint glimmer of amusement glinting beneath the glossy surface of his glasses. He scoffs dramatically in mild disbelief, and then forfeits the validation she’s obviously seeking. “Student rule aside, I rejected her because I have no immediate interest in pursuing a relationship right now.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because I’m seeing someone. Sort of.”

“Are you, now?”

“Mmhm.”

“So you rejected her because you like someone else?”

Harry’s presses his lips into a thin line to keep them from spreading into a smitten smile. “‘Like’ is a strong word. ‘Tolerate’ is more appropriate.”

“Alright, so you said no because you tolerate someone else?”

He gives her body a swift, objectifying once-over, shrugging his brows suggestively. “Unfortunately.”

Y/N’s cheeks simmer at his thinly-veiled innuendo. “Interesting.”

“Is it?”

“It is.”

“Are we done here? Can I go get my wrap now, before I starve to death and end up as a dissection cadaver for the anatomy lab students?”

After giving him one more cheeky look, she finally caves, stepping through the opened door and regaining their path towards the food court at the center of their campus. “I suppose.”

Harry follows behind her, the irony in his voice carrying over her shoulder. “How generous of you to give me permission to go on with my life. Very ethical.”

“Don’t act like you don’t love it when I boss you around. I bet you’re hard right now, aren’t you?”

“Maybe just a bit.”

[bakakatsuki69]

Hiya I dabble in x readers for Bakugo and other BNHA characters. All of them are aged up tho. This one is for any brat types lol. Have fun n tell me what you think. Depending I’ll post more.

Endurance Test

(BAKUGOU X BRATTY READER)

It was a warm spring evening when you returned back to your apartment. After an afternoon of outdoor activities you feel rather sweaty and go to take a shower. However strong arms pulled you back from heading to the bathroom. Looking up into deep red eyes you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Still pouting?” You ask the man behind you.

He scowls at you before letting your arm go. You then reached up and tousled his blond hair which annoys him. He pushes your hand away, careful not to hurt you. He then crosses his arms and leans against the doors, his eyes narrowing on you.

With a laugh you say “awe don’t worry maybe you’ll beat me another day”

In a flash you feel him up against you. “I beat you” he growls at you.

You laugh again “once” you say “but it’s ok. We all know I’m just better with my stamina”

“Oh” he says, his eyes wide. Then he smiles mischievously.

You know what that look means. After two years together you should know what it means. You back away from him but he’s quick and holds you by the waist.

“Hmm” he says softly in your ear.

“B-bakugou” , you warn him.

He laughs deeply. “What’s the matter babe?” He says. “You were talking about beating me so much. Right? Now why don’t we see who’s truly the one with more stamina”

Before you can react he’s already grabbed you by your *insert color* hair gently moving your head to the side to expose your neck. The next instant he bites down. You yelp in surprise but also excitement.

“Ba-Bakugo” you say faintly as he sucks your neck.

“Wanna back out?” Bakugo says menacingly. “No way!”

He rips off your top exposing your Light blue lace bra. He reaches behind to your back and in one swift movement unsnaps the hooks. He grabs you by the waist, lifting you up and forcing your legs to wrap around him. Now he has you pressed against your living room wall.

“Ah you’re quiet?” He says half laughing. “What happened little brat?”

You suddenly feel him getting hard through your shorts. “Hmm” you say with a smirk. “You seem to be excited. Did I beat you that bad?”

You know by saying this you're asking for trouble but you can’t let him get the upper hand.

Angrily he pulls your shorts down. “Let’s see how excited you are,” he retorts just as he tears your lace panties.

“Ah” you yelp as he forces one of your legs up. “Wait”

He looks up at you and you can see his response in his red eyes. ‘He’s not waiting anytime soon’. You soon feel his fingers gently rub your clit.

“Hmm brat” he says “you’re pretty wet. Don’t tell me that I got you excited just by ripping your stupid panties off. What an idiot.”

You scowl at him but before you can respond he’s slipped two of his big fingers inside. As he stirs you up you feel your legs getting weak but know you can’t give in.

“Is that all?” You say, controlling your breaths.

“Being a brat again” he growls. “Looks like I’ll have to shut that pretty mouth of yours”

As the words leave his mouth he already has you on your knees. You look down to see he’s taken off his shorts and has exposed his erect manhood. Before you can move he grabs your hair and pulls you closer to his hardness.

“Open your mouth” he orders.

His deep voice sends tingles down your spine as you open your mouth and he slips inside. Before long he fills your whole mouth up. He pushes your head as you bob up and down on his shaft. You hear him groan as he begins to twitch in your mouth. You realize this means he is close to finishing so you bob faster, twirling your tongue on his tip. Just as you think you have him he quickly takes his now throbbing manhood out your mouth.

“Sneaky” he says panting.

“What?” You say licking your lips.

Bakugo grabs you up by your hair making you stand. He then lifts you in his arms by your ass. He now has your legs over his shoulders. Just as you’re about to say something,he begins licking your pearl. You grab his head subconsciously as his tongue movements quicken. The pleasure is deep as he has you pressed against the wall again. He sucks your clit hard as your juices flow. Your breathing quickens as he continues to vigorously lick and suck.

“K-kacchan” you whimper.

At the sound of your voice, he stops.

“Oh no you don’t” he says. “There’s no way I’ll get an easy win from you like this.”

He slides your body down the wall holding you up by your ass again. His tip teases your entrance.

“You’re nice and wet now,brat so let’s see how long you last” he says just as he shoves his whole shaft in you.

You grip his bare back from the suddenness. “T-that’s nothing” you say,refusing to give in.

Bakugo smirks. “Really” he says, slamming into you. His grip on your ass tightens as he slams into you repeatedly. Your heart races and you begin to moan. However he quickly shuts you up as he kisses you, tangling your tongue with his. He then sucks on your tongue further enticing your moans.

“Ha! Brat you’re feeling too good aren’t you?” He says grinning as he smacks your right butt cheek.

This action results in a small scream from you but Bakugo isn’t giving you a chance to make a noise as he kisses you intensely. After two minutes of muffled moans he lets your tongue go. A line of drool can be seen as you separate. He thrusts deeper and faster.

“You’re too weak,” he says laughing.

“Y-you’re the weak one” you retort back in between your panting.

In response to your words he speeds up his movements but also grips you by the waist making you bounce with him. This action increases the pleasure you feel incredibly so. With every thrust you can feel yourself slipping. You hold onto him tightly as he pounds away. Your juices are now flowing on to him. You can feel him bulging inside you and knows he’s at his limit but it doesn’t matter because just as he thrusts again you feel yourself reaching an extreme climax. You cum hard, your whole body jerking as you do. Moments later you feel his warm liquid flow into you and the two of you stay like that for a minute before he lets you down.

“That’s one,” he says hoarsely.

Thinking that means he won and it’s over you slip down the wall exhausted but soon find yourself thrown onto your large black soft sofa.

“Oh no babe” he says “there’s no way in hell imma let you finish after only one round.”

Seeing the hungry look in his eyes you realize what hell you’ve unleashed on yourself.

With a pleading voice you say “ka-Kacchan pleas-"

Your words are interrupted though as Bakugo pushes you on to your stomach.

“You know I can’t let you back out now” he growls in your ear.

You definitely did know he wouldn’t let you go and you would really have to endure. For Bakugo this wasn’t just a competition. He was proving to you that even though you can beat him at almost every sport you played today, there was one thing that you could never win against him in. For the years you have been together he had never finished before you. It was a pride thing and though he seemed arrogant you knew it was his desire to satisfy you that always made him have you finish first. In Kacchans eyes if he couldn’t make you climax before he did then was he really the man for you?

“But I’ll give you the option,”he whispers. “Do you want me to be as you say beast mode? Or do you want it more soft.”

He kisses you softly on the neck awaiting your answer. You knew you shouldn't entice the beast but at that moment your body was so aroused you couldn't control yourself. So as he licks your neck, you grab him by his hair and with a faint breath you say to him in his ear.

"Ha, you're too weak to do anything to me"

Bakugo narrows his eyes on you and with a cold grin, grabs your arms behind you forcing you down. The next instant he shoves his whole shaft into you again. You jerk back at the motion.

"Don't regret your answer" he says as he begins to move.

He starts off slow at first but gradually speeds up still holding your arms behind you. You gasp as his movements get faster and more aggressive. He releases one of your arms to hold you by your neck. He bites down to suppress his own groans, which causes you to scream in pleasure. Hearing your sounds of pleasure gives him the initiative to go harder. As he continues to slam into you, his grip around your neck loosens and he grabs you by your hair making you arch more. Before long you're both sweaty and panting. You can feel your strength dwindling as Bakugo continues to slam his thick bulging penis inside you.

"Hell no" he says, holding you up. "Don't you dare pass out on me like last time"

His strokes slow down but only just enough to catch your breath. The slowness actually makes it harder for you to control yourself. Soon your whole mind is muddy as your body reacts to every thrust. A few minutes later you growl deeply as you release your juices on the couch. With a satisfied look, Bakugo releases his warm milk in your now soaping wet cunt.

"Looks like I'm not that weak," he says. "Now let's continue this in the shower"

He picks you up and carries you down the hall to your bathroom where you continue the endurance test. After your time in the shower you return to your bedroom. Inside Bakugou doesn't let up and before long you were too weak to continue. He held you in his arms stroking your hair, finally calming down.

"You know you shouldn't bring out my beast side" he says with a soft chuckle but in the next moment he gets up and grabs a cloth. He wipes your body gently to get rid of the stickiness. After he wipes you down he returns to the bed and pulls you in his embrace. As you rest your head on his broad chest you feel your breathing has synced to his.

"I'm proud of you tho babe" he whispers in the dimly lit room "you lasted 5 rounds. That's one more than the last"

You bite down on his shoulder as your response as you close your eyes ready to fall asleep. He snuggles you close as he also drifts off to sleep. Both of your endurance was tested today but you already knew who would be the victor. A small smile crept on your face as you drifted off to sleep.

[reikitai]

A meaningful post about my mentor/ a thank you.

All this talk about mentors/mentorships/teachers/ important bonds, and I’ve never gone into detail about mine or how he sent me on this huge quest.

TW:MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION/EATING DISORDERS (Happy ending though!) Allow me to elaborate on what the “quest” is. Long post below!

So, this whole thing started maybe in 2016 / ‘17. (I also graduated in 2017, so my last two years were the most important ones.) I was maybe 16 or 17, and honestly I wasn’t taking very good care of myself and my mental stability was steadily fading. I showed up to school when I could, did the bare minimum and what was expected of me, but honestly I don’t recall ever feeling anything at the time. My depression was becoming inconsolable and I was giving up on myself too and it was very noticeable. I wasn’t eating and became ridiculously lanky. My sleep schedule was a mess, I was a mess. A giant mess.

Then one day, for the first time my (I didn’t know he would be then) mentor comes into the classroom where I’m working like it’s nobody’s business and tells me about this special program he’s leading in the school. “Big deal, he won’t ask me again if I say no.”  Or so I thought. So, naturally I say no. He leaves with a shrug and a “Okay... Think about it.” A week or two passes and he returns again and tells me about it again. “Big deal.”  He persists! My then best friend at the time tells me to give it a shot- It’s just one semester after all and if I don’t like it, I won’t have to talk about it. This time I cave and tell this dude- Who I honestly didn’t like for getting in my business and seemed to be actually concerned about me- Fine, I’ll join your little project. He’s actually kind of happy about it. I didn’t understand why until later.

A semester of being outdoors did pass just like that, and in that time it certainly wasn’t a typical school type of setting. It was a select group of us, and exactly four other teachers including him. We became tight knit, and it was therapeutic. Unlike anything I ever experienced before. All the things we talked about were beyond curriculum things (although it did support interconnected subjects for learning in an alternative way), and it was really about actual life skills/the ability to grow as a person beyond our mistakes and flaws. It was a way to relearn things we knew for further development, and I saw the change. I was seeing my own self worth again, and things were slowly piecing back together again for who I was and wanted to become as a person, whatever that would be in the future.

Skip to senior year when I’m offered a second semester. Usually, you could only do this program once so I agree. We start talking again like before, and something unexpected occurs. One day he approaches me in the classroom just like in the beginning, but this time it’s different and I can feel it in the air. This time, I am open. I am understanding, and we have a bond that can’t be lost. He asks me away from the rest of my friends what I sincerely thought of the program and I was honest- I said it was lifechanging and everyone deserves to have an education like this. Not just teenagers, children too. He looks at me in just such a way. I look back. Why is there a soft expression? He keeps looking in thought, and asks very quietly if I would like to “continue” the program. I agree ecstatically. I didn’t know why he asked me to, but I agree. The program was still the same, it’s still his program so why would he request that? My major was sorted for college with this request in mind. I would soon become a teacher, and make this request a reality. Continue this program, and make it more accessible to others. 

I graduated and no sooner than that he was out of the system too. He didn’t tell me that day but the program he led and raised by himself was gone and changed into something else, and that’s when I knew. That’s when I knew what I wanted to be. Like him. That’s why I’m carrying the torch, because even if he didn’t tell me in words.. He knew his time was ending there but I was entrusted to continue it as he intended. It was like he was saying “You’re next.” or “This is it for me, but for you.. You’re just starting.” My heart still aches when I think about how it’s not the same, but I believe he chose me for a very special reason. It is an honor to be a part of something so monumental, even when I feel lost on some days. Even if I doubt my own teaching abilities, it won’t stop me.

He was one of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure to know, and one of the best teachers in the whole world. My only hope is that I can fulfil this wish he had as well as see it come into fruition. I was in immense pain, unable to ask for help all those years ago, and this “dude” who I didn’t care to connect to at all at first, after all that time.. Inadvertently saved my life. 

If he ever sees this: I just want to say thank you for seeing my worth when I couldn’t, and raising me back up when I failed to see the point in doing so. These principles you taught me won’t be lost to time, and I am leading proudly.