#i’ll never turn one down
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okay now i can’t stop thinking about soccer dad!aaron. and specifically this
#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#SO MANY THOUGHTS#and none pure#hehe ps my inbox is always looking for soccer dad!aaron requests#i’ll never turn one down#aaron hotchner#criminal minds
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lord have mercy I FINISHED IT YAYYY🎉🎉🎉
Some fanart of @blackkatdraws’s Narrator, Black!! I’ve been wanting to draw him for a while and got smacked with some sudden motivation this weekend, so here we are! :] His color palette and design are so nice, I had a blast with this
#RAHHHHH ITS FINALLY DONE LETS GOOOOOO#he's one of The Narrators of All Time in my book#literally iconic we love him<3#I really wanted to push myself with the lighting and I’m so happy with how it turned out :]]#ibis nearly crashed on me three times BUT WE KEEP GOING#NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT‼️⁉️#also the entire time I was drawing him I had Le Monde - From Talk to Me playing#and now I don’t think I’ll be able to hear it again without thinking of him#tsp#tspud#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#tsp narrator#tspud narrator#narrator tsp#narrator tspud#lava’s doodles
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“The real game will begin momentarily… Stay tuned :)”
Costas Mandylor as The Warden in Death Count(2022)
#gifset#robo gifs#< that’s a new one! never thought i’d be posting gifs on here but i couldn’t find any of this character#so i made my own :]#the warden#death count#there’s no way there’s an actual tag for this movie so i’ll tag the actor i guess ??#costas mandylor#this movie was. strange and not very good but i REALLY enjoyed this character#he’s such a freak i loved how sadistic and yet kind of childish he was like the way he’d smile giddily as he tortured people#as for the movie as a whole it felt very very confused about what point it was even trying to make#liked the concept of a killer game show host having an audience control the fates of the contestants#but the plot itself kind of bogged it down and it was too heavy handed about social media being bad while not making an actual point about i#didn’t mean to turn this into a film review oops
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Here’s a sketch of George I thought was pretty (also bonus Maria staring cause she’s not immune to this idiots non existent charms)
#ignore the text pls that’s just some dialogue I thought of#i Wanna turn their story into a comic one day so any dialogue that pops into my head I’ll write it down#you have no idea how much fluff and angst I imagine for them#i imagine so much fluff and angst for them that they have their own playlist#I’m not normal about my own ocs#pls join me in shipping them cause ugh I love them sm!!!!!#emily’s ocs#my ocs#ocs#80s band ocs#george#maria#george sallow#maria lovelace#yes they do have last names (never mentioned them cause none of my other ocs have last names yet)#figured I should do that now so it’s easier to find stuff for them
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#vent#vent post#cw negative#Seven’s Public Diary#wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something#i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms#like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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its kind of crazy how much easier it is to relax and talk to people when i have something covering my eyes
#Ummm… homestuck anyone?!#im not about to wear sunglasses 24/7…….. YET#i cpuld be the cool and sexy mysterious person. whose eyes have never been seen before. ill woo man and woman alike with my aloofness#and when they confess to me with bouqets i’ll turn them down because im ALREADY TAKEN!#and theyll all weep with dismay and throw themselves off a bridge or something nonsensical like that#im not doing that though. i went through a phase like that with beanies and it was horrible#the first time my mom made me go out without one on i felt so extremely naked#and i wanted to DIE! i never wanna rely on something that heavily in order to feel comfortable in my own skin
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What’s she listening to?
WIP, prolly gonna line and color this in later but I like how this looks so far c:
#Tonari of Jananda#Tonari#WIP#my art#wont tag the rest of the fandom cuz it’s technically incomplete I suppose#I’m like. enamored with how she’s turning out tho this outfit is so cute on her#it’s an outfit @squire_gob made on Twitter#I dunno if they made a tumblr but I’ll @ them or include a link to the original once I get the color down I think#I love her I love how she can’t sit normally even with a skirt on she’s just like me for real#Tonari’s never beating the Bisexual allegations and 90% of it is cuz she sits like that#I wanna see her sitting backwards on a chair next has anyone done that yet? I feel like it has but I can’t find it yet#like I saw it in last week’s chapter but I think I hallucinated it#considering just making that content myself rn#I’m just holding off for a bit on drawing her new design till my friends catch up cuz I want them to experience what I did#when she walked on screen in that outfit dude I lost my marbles#I love one (1) Babygirl so much and it’s weird cuz I don’t want her or kin her. it’s a secret third thing#it’s just secret even to me (it’s love. I love her. her character rules. probably doesn’t need to be more complicated than that)#alright nova ramble over. I’ll have this WIP done once I’m through with my first MizuHanna YuriLympics entry#byeeeee 👋
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how bad is it to say you hate your mother lmao
#x#she has turned into the most inconsiderate selfish person#and I think I mourned who she used to be but now everything she does she makes me angry#she just takes and takes and takes#I never wanted to say this here but she basically took my first car#and she uses shit without a backup plan - it was never for hers to keep#but she just thinks that solves her problem#I worked so hard for it too among many other things#and this move also has just shown how fucking selfish and ungrateful she is#my parents are divorced by my dad still helped move her shit and clean#she had her brother come down to help and she wasn’t even prepared bc nothing was packed even though I told her to start weeks ago#I’m so angry and upset and now they’re telling me they’re back tracking on taking one of the cats so now I’ll have both#and I can’t talk to anyone about it bc no one gets it!!!!!!#this is just one of a few problems tbh there is so much more but I’m done I’m at my wits end with her
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Just talked to some Jehovah’s Witnesses about the occupation of Palestine on my porch
#one thing about me I can’t turn away religious missionaries#it feels so rude idk . I don’t fw what they’re doing but also they were already indoctrinated and get doors slammed in their faces all day#so I like to be kind to them and hear what they have to say just like human to human#even tho I know I’ll never agree enough to buy into what they’re selling#they were nice tho they showed me a corny video about God’s Kingdom and just talked to me a lil bit#and gave me a pamphlet that I’m prolly not gonna read#they just got out of church I think?#bc there was like a parade of Jehovah’s Witnesses in nice clothes walking down my street#idk where their church is I didn’t know we had much of that demographic in my neighborhood akdjskfkakcmskfm#most of the people I’ve met here are puerto rican catholics lol
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No Lamp
I have lived in this house for 3 years, but tonight Ao3 is down so I set down my phone, and reached for one of my books… only to realize that I don’t have a bedside lamp.
#no lamp#ao3 is down#alas my hubris#why did it never occur to me that I didn’t have one#I could leave the overhead light on#but then I’ll have to get up to turn it off when I’m done#I could use my phone flashlight#but that will involve awkward juggling.#it’s not that I never read books#just not usually before bed#this is a new problem#I’ve never needed a lamp
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No Skip Albums: Tag Game
I was tagged by: @larriescompass
(Thank you for tagging me! Although I post on my blog I don’t really interact with people so it was nice of you to tag me <3)
Rules: share the albums that you can listen to nonstop. those lightning in a bottle-albums that scratch ur brain just right. every single track, an absolute banger. u could not skip one if u tried. no notes. stunning, show-stopping, immaculate. ur no-skip albums
LIVE: Louis Tomlinson
AM: Arctic Monkeys
Take Me Home: One Direction
Harry’s House: Harry Styles
I’m gonna tag @m1dnight-m3mories @ificouldfly369 @mimiluvsoned @dpsenthusiast and @downtowncats so participate if you feel like it! <33
#honestly i’m a sl!t for each and every louis-song but rn the live album is the one really hitting the spot#i also love every 1D album as well as every AM and HS album#thx for tagging me so i could participate!#i’ll never turn down an opportunity to share my fav things
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for years my friends have tried to get me back into minecraft and idk how to explain to them that after tosoth the game will never be the same . it’s been A DECADE and this fic still rules over my brain
#and don’t even TALK about snow angels around me i’ll cry blood and vomit tears#that fic gave me SO many trust issues i hve TO THIS DAY#and i KNOW ive ranted about this before but IT GENUINELY TRAUMATISED ME#but i was at one of the lowest points of my life and decided fuck it. i’m gonna read a long fic. i’m usually a max 25k person but i was like#nah let’s get invested in this one. good ol erisol human au. what could go wrong#oh dear reader it turns out that there was something that could go wrong#because at tht time i was an avid ff net user and there are no warnings there#especially not for major character death.#so i’m so invested in this fic#got a few chapters left. and then i start a chapter i swear ive read before in a one shot#and i’m over the MOON bc i know how this ends. they get engaged! so i’m SO fkn happy#and then. all alone in the snow of their front yard. eridans heart gives out. and he’s gone.#as a very traumatised teen who was dependant on happy endings to make me feel like life was worth living#i have never felt heartbreak and betrayal like that. only other thing that ever made me feel that much was my really messy breakup w da loml#i didnt sleep for a week. i was constantly sobbing and breaking down at school#reading about sollux going through their minecraft world and i just#yeah.#haven’t been able to make pancakes since too. used to be the thing i was best at#since then pancakes minecraft and snow angels are forever tainted#absolutely INCREDIBLE fic but i do Not do MCD or sad endings#and i was like being horrifically abused going thru hormonal conversion therapy to ‘fix’ my nonexistent sex drive#whilst dealing with r/pe accusations simultaneously . as a fkn 16 year old baby trans gay ace#so i was going thru it and when i tell you my ENTIRE mental state was depending on the dopamine i got from fan fictions w endings that#gave me hope my story wasn’t gonna end there. for them to struggle for so long to find true happiness within eachother#to them being torn apart by the cruel hand of death#bro i was inconsolable for so long . i still am and im almost 26 LMFAO#know it seems so silly to be so worked up over this but i can’t articulate how much my undiagnosed autistic bpd cptsd ridden self depended#on these fics to emotionally regulate#OBV THIS IS NOTHING AGAINST THE AUTHOR OR THE FIC I WAS JUST YOUNG AND TRAUMATISED AND COPING UNHEALTHILY#but i will never be able to play minecraft happily ever again
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You ever read a fic that makes you so angry you feel the need to rewrite it and fix it… anyways you guys might be seeing that soon
#haven’t started writing it yet#YET#but that’s because I’m making dinner so I’m a bit preoccupied#BUT I HAVE IDEAS#and I think it’ll be good#also it’ll be on Ao3#I’ll just put a link here#and if you’re wondering what fic I could have possibly read since ao3 is still down#wonder no more#it was on ffn#yes that desperate#it’s actually a fic I’ve been looking for for years but was never able to find#turns out it’s because I found it on one of my brief once in a blue moon trips over to ffn#supernatural#fanfiction#FanFiction.Net#ao3 is still down helpppp
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Got called mopy and moody and an overall killjoy for not enjoying the one (1) party experience I had in February of last year cuz I kept getting left alone at a party so I just sat and had nachos 🤙🏻🤙🏻🤙🏻
#it all started cuz I am still confused on what we’re doing for this weekend cuz bestie here isn’t articulating clearly#I ask about Halloween and she says they’re going to the club cuz no one goes on a Tuesday#I wouldn’t know I’ve never gone to one since I don’t ever wanna go alone and no one asks#then she said it’s for a friend’s birthday AFTER I asked if we should take the birthday girl out to a rage room or axe throwing cuz the bday#bday girl had shown interest in it before but it got shut down fast#by this point I still don’t know what club they wanna go to let alone what day but I do get told that since I tire out faster then them#that I’ll have to go home alone and that is just raining alarms in my head cuz I’m guessing it’s in Toronto and they’ve turned into Gotham#it’s such a shit show during the day so I know it’s gonna be worse at night with the cover of darkness#and did she not hear of that story of these 2 girls who nearly got TRAFFICKED BY THEIR UBER???and she wants me to use one alone??#in toronto???? bro I ain’t risking shit for some place I don’t know the name or address for#and says that she’s been clear this whole time on what’s going on and doesn’t want a repeat of last time#when idk if it’s just me but the only clear thing here is that I’m not really wanted for the night out#cuz clear would be saying where and when and also who and how which I never got any of that but she keeps saying she did tell me but didn’t#the first written convo was just her asking the birthday girl if they should dress up as tiana and Belle#and I ask if they’re gonna wear gowns cuz it’s gonna be cold out#all she says is we’ll be inside and when I ask I get no answer just more costume suggestions the next day#the second time it’s breathed is when we’re on the phone and I ask about what we doing for Halloween#she says that we’re clubbing and I ask if we ain’t doing anything else like the seasonal shit we can’t do any other time#she just says no and tells me I can stay home after I suggest a few things and she calls them childish#like going to a haunted corn maze or the Halloween event at casa loma cuz yes getting spooked is childish#I even threw in axe throwing cuz bday girl has been stressed and thought she might like it#then today I ask if I should go up for the weekend cuz idk wtf is going on still and it’s been almost 2 weeks and there’s a mini argument in#the group chat with her saying the same 2 things. we clubbing and you’ll have to go home alone#birthday girl is just as confused on who’s going but says that on Friday we can go to a movie and dinner so I’m not left out#so at least I get somewhat of an answer on if going up is worth it or if I’m getting ditched the whole weekend#so at least if I’m going back up I can make plans to hang out with her brother and whoever else wants to hang#idk maybe see a movie or go to the mall or something#like shit at least give me all the info to decide if I wanna go especially music cuz that first and last party did not have good music tbh#I know if at least enjoy myself at a 90��s/2000’s party cuz I like that but nope I don’t even get that#just club or bust essentially :/ and it seems I be bust by what she said
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Tbh fellas my identity has reached a point of true “idgaf” (it has been like this for months actually. Lolz.) Thinking abt it gives me brainrot. Pronouns? Idc call me whatever. Gender? I am not a man that’s all I got. Sexuality? Idk. I don’t wanna date people tho!!!!!!!!! I don’t wanna find myself!!!!!!!!!!!! I am Aaliyah sammydem0n64 and I am autistic and that’s it‼️‼️‼️‼️
#could have a serious thing abt this but. ew#been on my mind for a while now and it’s 2 am so I get to have introspective rambles#labels r hard. sexuality and gender is a spectrum. I’ve never cared abt pronouns but they/she is easier#maybe there’s a fear that if I’m cis or something people won’t like me for having queer characters#maybe my peers won’t respect me anymore bc boooooooooo to non queer people yucky yucky#but also I don’t think. I’m cishet I don’t think so#but also I just don’t know and idk if I’ll ever know bc I guess I don’t know how!!!!!!#I’ve had 1 romantic relationship and even then we mutually broke up bc we realized we were just best friends#and got platonic relationships mixed up with romantic#and I haven’t wanted a relationship since lol#am I aro? idk. I find people attractive. I just don’t wanna date people rn and maybe that’ll change#am I a woman? idk. I like having boobs. I call myself a woman. but am I one? fuck if I know#like I said I’m just not a man. I’m not a man solely#I don’t identify as one and won’t bc I’m not that. but that’s the only solid#but idk if I’m non-binary. I’ve identified as that for so long that perhaps there’s a fear that I’ll be looked down on for ‘detransitioning’#i don’t know what I am. I’m just me. I go by any pronouns and I like a wide range of fictional characters over several genders#unlabeled for the win I guess but also being ‘unlabeled’ has inherented turned into a label. so#I’M JUST AALIYAH SAMMYDEM0N64‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#I don’t think this is a vent I’m being silly with it + plus it’s introspection with mentioned fear. I’m just rambling#lol anyways 😋😋😋😋
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I applied at the same hotel I did two other times unsuccessfully for a greeter/cashier job at their fancy steakhouse and as much as I hope I get the job boy do I pray it won’t kill me to be in a highly visible position like that for 40 hours a week
#kibumblabs#telling myself the benefits and pay are worth it the benefits and pay are worth it the benefits a#(also if I get free food that’d be a major plus because i fucking love steak)#anyway they’ll probably turn me down again but who knows. I updated my application to say I’ll work on holidays and early on the weekend#cause that seems like a major factor to them but yeah#hopefully that’ll make a difference#I mean. kinda hopefully#I applied to two other places but ones kinda now giving me sketchy vibes and the other is Safeway which is meh#applying to places like this that I wanna work at but could NEVER fucking afford to go to is so funny to me#if anyone reading this has worked a cashier/greeter job at a fine dining establishment before and wants to tell me anything about it pls do
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