#i’ll keep volunteering as much as i can but like. i just need DOWNTIME… literally ANY would be great

[starbuck]

the thing is, i know realistically that full time jobs take up a lot of people’s time, but that’s also hard for me to put in perspective while working full time AND doing school AND volunteering a bunch. Like. i very literally have no free time right now and the idea of ONLY working 40 hours a week sounds so luxurious to me… Like. imagine if work (that stayed at work) was my ONLY responsibility… if i could just come home and lounge?? unfair. obscene, even.

[hermione-mode]

how I’m trying to reduce my screentime

So... I spend a lot of my time on my phone. And when I say a lot, it’s A LOT. 

I really enjoy watching YouTube videos, so most of my time is spent there, and I just watch one video after another. Sometimes - most of the time, actually - I don’t even watch the videos and just listen to them while I’m doing other things, including homework. This really does not help my productivity, because I’m neither completely focused on doing my homework or completely focused on watching the video. 

Because of this, my screentime can go as up as 9 hours a day, and that is definitely not good. It’s the worse it’s ever been. 

I also find that spending more time on my phone and scrolling on Instagram for hours does not contribute to my anxiety or mental well-being at all. In October, I used my phone so much, one day my screentime was as high as 13 hours, and coincidentally, October was a month full of anxiety, overthinking, mental breakdowns, and just in general not good for my mental health. 

I’ve always used ‘App Limits’ and ‘Downtime’ (if you have an iPhone - I’m not sure if there’s an option for this in Android - you can go to Settings, Screen Time, and then set up your Downtime and App Limits, so that you can control the time you spend on your phone), but I would just keep clicking ‘15 more minutes’ or just ‘Ignore Limit for Today’.

At the start of November, I realized my screentime was just excessive. By the second week, I just knew I had to do something about it, so I set a goal for myself. I didn’t write it down or anything, I just changed my mindset and started trying to drop this bad habit. Sometimes, when I think through what I want to do too much and start planning excessively, I just get lazy and never actually end up doing it, so that’s why I just did it. 

On Monday, I decided that it was going to be the day to start changing my bad habits. So I got home, put on some music and threw my phone on the couch while I was doing productive stuff for once in my life like cleaning my room, taking a shower (I usually procrastinate and end up showering really late at night), and making lunch. I had a nice lunch with my family without looking at my phone once, and as soon as I finished I went to my room to start doing homework. I turned off my phone completely and just played some music on my computer, and finished my homework at 6pm.

I find that if I just play some music, I’m fine and don’t feel the need to check my phone every 5 minutes since my main problem is that I can’t be alone with my thoughts or I’ll literally go crazy lol (still working on that one).

This whole week I’ve been doing that, and I’ve been actually respecting my App Limits instead of ignoring them! My screentime has decreased from a 9-hours-a-day average to a 2-hour one, and, for example, today I only used my phone for an hour and a half, which is quite an improvement, if I can say so myself.

And the benefits of this? 

Mental Health: My anxiety has been way better this week, and I’ve just been feeling a lot better. 

Time Management: I actually have time for everything! I’ve been finishing my homework early, so now I have the whole night to relax, read, take care of myself and go to bed early.

Sleep: I’ve actually been sleeping lol. I’ve been going to bed at 10 or 11pm, and waking up at 5:50am, which is pretty good for me. Today was the only day I’ve felt (physically, not mentally) tired and that’s probably because I volunteer every Wednesday and that exhausts me lol. 

Productivity: I’ve been working efficiently because I’ve been more focused and concentrated while doing my homework and studying, so I’ve done more work in fewer time :).

Content: I’ve been more conscious of the content I consume. Before, I would just add every YouTube video on my Subscriptions page to a playlist so I could watch them later even if I wasn’t that interested in a video or it didn’t contribute or improve my life in any form. Now, because I know that the App Limit I set up only allows me to watch two videos or one really long one, I try to really think through what I’m going to watch and prioritize what I’m most interested in. 

So, how to stop using your phone: 

Change your mindset. Start right now. Don’t wait for Monday or for a new month or a new year, just start. Put your phone away right now and go read a book or do that task you’ve been putting off for weeks. 

Set up your App Limits and Downtime. You can go to Settings > Screentime > App Limits or Downtime. Try to figure out how much time you can actually spend on your phone and on each app according to your schedule and how productive you want to be on a daily basis. I’ve set up mine to: Youtube - 40 min, Instagram - 20 min, Twitter - 10 min, Netflix - 40 min (this is still a lot of time, but I know I can afford it so it’s fine :)). You can also specify if you want these app limits from Monday to Friday or also on the weekends, or on specific days. The Downtime option means your phone will ‘block’ at a specific time and ‘unblock’ when you wake up. You can still ignore the limit if you really need to use an app, but I would recommend setting up your ‘Always Allowed’ apps instead if you know you’ll probably have to use one (mine are Settings, Calendar, and Google Maps because I take the bus lol). I’ve set up my downtime from 9:30 pm (so that I have half an hour to disconnect before I actually have to go to bed) to 6:00 am, which is when I wake up. I would recommend that if you wake up, let’s say, at 6 am, you set your Downtime to end at 6:30 am, so that you’re not on your phone as soon as you wake up :). I only set up mine at 6 am because I have to check the weather and bus times while I’m getting ready. 

Now that you’ve set up your Screentime Limits, respect it! Try to avoid at all costs the ‘Ignore Limit for a Day’ or the 15 more minutes option, unless it’s really an emergency. I promise that if you use that option once, it will be hard to stop doing it. 

When you get home, put your phone in a place hard to reach or where you know you won’t be tempted to use it. I usually just leave it in the living room, on the couch, where I can’t see it.

If you’re like me and don’t like to be in complete quiet, try putting some music, but don’t get distracted! :). Just have a go-to playlist so that you don’t have to spend half an hour setting up your queue. 

Changing your bad habits requires a lot of discipline and time, so don’t worry if you use your phone for more than 2 hours one day! Just make sure the next one you go back to staying off your phone :). You can also reduce your screentime progressively if that’s easier for you.

If it works best for you, write down your goal of approximately how much time you want to spend on your phone daily and also write down how you’re going to do it :).

Try other hobbies! If you have other hobbies to do in your free time you won’t reach for your phone as soon as you don’t have anything to do. 

I think that’s all I have to share about this (a lot, I know), but if you have any other tips, let me know! I’ll try to share them here and also on my Instagram, hermionemode :).

[spideycents]

B-Roll // Shawn Mendes - 6: 2 cameras, scene 17, take 4, A mark

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

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a/n: This chapter's a little longer, but it's kind of a montage of a few days because I hate wasting time and I want to get the show on the road. :P Hope you guys like it!

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The rest of the week goes by fairly smoothly and quickly.

Tuesday at lunch Michael and Julie-Anne are back to grilling me about Shawn. Apparently, that's all my life is now. They don't actually care to ask me about work or how it's going or if I'm any good at it or have I made any new friends or am I happy or anything. They just want to know about Shawn. Who I have still spoken to only the one time.

"How have you not seen Shawn?!" Michael underestimates my stupidity. "We've seen Shawn!"

I shrug. "I don't know, I'm really busy. Leave me alone."

"The bitch literally told you he'd see you at lunch-"

"He said maybe he'll see us at lunch," I correct as I gesture between him and me. "No guarantees."

"Lunch is an everyday thing," Julie-Anne say. "You didn't even try to look for him today?"

I don't think I did.

Oh well.

"I forgot."

Michael cackles loudly. "Bullshit."

"I did forget!" I whine. "I got distracted!"

Michael rolls his eyes. "By what?"

The food.

"...Burritos."

Michael pauses then says: "that's fair, you're still trash."

"I told you," Julie-Anne chimes in. "I should've been the one to try to make Shawn fall in love with me."

Michael looks at her skeptically. "No fucking way. We all agreed I'm second best. He's more likely to be bi than fall for you."

Julie-Anne gasps dramatically and puts a hand on her heart. "Just because it's right, doesn't make it hurt any less."

Michael reaches over and pats her right arm tenderly. "We'll find you someone. You still love Niall Horan, right? Maybe Shawn can set you guys up."

The rest of the day is back to outside shots of students walking around the front of the school. In all the madness, I end up near Zendaya during last looks and she's talking to makeup artist, Molly.

"I'm not saying I love it like it's not my favorite," Molly says. "But I like Hawaiian pizza."

Zendaya gags dramatically. "I can't look at you right now. Get away from me with your pineapple garbage."

They both laugh and tease each other until Molly and I head back to video village.

Can I invite myself to their pizza party? Would that be weird?

During the next take, I get that feeling like someone's watching me. I look up and my gaze wanders over the crowds of extras and over the camera crew and the rest of the camp behind the monitors.

I'm looking over the cast members sitting this take out in their chairs and my eyes meet finally meet someone else's.

Shawn's smiling at me. It's not a big toothy grin, it's subtle, but it's still like he's smiling with his whole being. His eyes are crinkled slightly, but that might just be because of the bright sun reflecting off the concrete and cars and equipment.

I glance behind me and look at the people next to me to see if anyone else is looking at him, just in case it's not me that he's looking at. Everyone else is either watching the monitors or are on their phones. I'm too far from the monitors for Shawn to be trying to watch them and he has a few closer to him anyway. Sarah is sitting next to me and her red hair is in a milkmaid style braid crown today and she's wearing a light sundress. She looks adorable and honestly just Shawn's type, so it's probably her he's looking at.

When I glance back at him, he looks away.

Wednesday's drive to set consists of one of Michael and I's rare, and deep, life conversations.

"I suck at my job," I say offhandedly while we're joking about set and he's telling me stories.

He pauses. "What makes you say that?"

"Because I do," I shrug. "I'm the worst."

"I think if you were the worst, there'd be a lot of raccoon looking people at this school," he jokes.

"You know what I mean," I whine. "No one talks to me and no one's giving me anything interesting to do."

He tilts his head. "No one has to...This is the job you were booked for. There aren't really promotions in this business. And have you tried talking to people? Making new friends?"

"I have Sarah," I say.

"That's one," Michael holds up a finger.

"And Kevin," I add.

Michael makes a face. "He barely counts." So he raises the first knuckle of his middle finger.

"I met Zendaya's makeup artist yesterday, Molly," I continue. "We talked about pizza."

"Uh," he laughs. "No you didn't. I heard that conversation. THEY talked about pizza. You didn't say a word. You were practically mute." He glances at me quickly before turning back to the road and I shrug and gesture, like maybe I am mute.

Maybe Michael and Julie-Anne just happen to be the only two people who can hear me.

After a short lull in the conversation, I say:

"Do you think I could maybe ask someone about a different job? Like one that would be me on for the rest of the movie?"

Michael shrugs. "Maybe...I've never heard of anyone doing that before. It wouldn't hurt to try though," he adds. "I mean, like the worst they can say is no."

"Maybe," I mumble. "They could fire me."

"Or blacklist you," Michael suggests.

The next time I see a VW Bug, I punch him a little harder than normal.

But later, when I'm clocking in, I stick my head in Angela's makeshift office in one of the trailers.

"Hey, do you have a minute?" She glances up at me quickly then goes back to typing on her laptop, but I add: "Could I ask you a quick question?"

"I can give you a quick answer," she says without looking up.

I step in, but I don't sit down. "Would it maybe be possible for me to continue working as a makeup artist on this production after this week?"

Angela's still typing quickly and fervidly, but the look in her eyes seems a little unfocused like she might be thinking about what I've asked.

"Um...I'm currently booked up for the foreseeable future," she says. "But I can I'll let you know if anything opens up."

"Okay," I smile slightly. "Thank you, Angela."

"Of course," she quickly smiles up at me. "I'll email you if I need any more hands."

"Okay," I say again. "Thank you. Have a good day."

"You too," she calls as I walk out.

I have to keep my excitement at bay and I am not going to Michael and Julie-Anne about this. I can't run the risk of jinxing anything.

At lunch, I somehow manage to be toward the front of the line. I'm waiting for my burger to grill when someone nudges my left arm.

I look up and Shawn gestures at my burger.

"Weren't feeling like sushi today, eh?" he asks.

"Not really," I make a face and glance over my shoulder at the sushi bar the production is treating the crew to. "I'm not a big fan of fish."

He gasps and raises his cup of ice water to cover his mouth.

"I can't be friends with someone who doesn't like fish," he shakes his head sadly.

We're friends?

I shrug. "You don't have to worry about that for much longer. We'll be strangers again next week?"

He looks at me questioningly.

"Friday's my last day," I say simply.

"Oh man." He actually sounds a little bummed, but that could be fake. Let's be real. "Have you asked about coming back?"

"I just did," I reply so quickly, I don't even realize I've doomed myself until after the words are out of my mouth.

Please, Universe. Please don't let me have screwed myself over. Just this once. Pretty please with a cherry on top.

Shawn's looking at me like he's waiting for me to continue. I've only paused for a couple seconds, but I should say something before I look stupid.

"They said they're fully booked for right now, but they'll let me know if anything opens up."

"So we might see each other again," Shawn says while I hold out my plate for the cook to give me my burger.

"Yeah," I shrug and turn to walk over to the condiments. "Maybe."

I really don't want to get my hopes up and wait on the edge of my seat every day for news that's never going to come. I need to start looking for other jobs as soon as possible.

I glance over my shoulder to see if Shawn's still around, but he's gone.

Thursday I spend a lot of downtime talking to Sarah. She's already got a new job lined up on a CW show. She says it's about a supernatural boarding school so, even though she'll still only be doing makeup for the extras, she'll be working fairly often.

I wish I'd known to apply for that.

I eat a small lunch and spend the rest of the break filling out applications and texting people I know on other productions, asking if they could use anymore hands.

By mid-afternoon, I've heard back from two student films that can't pay me, but promise food and I know someone on both productions so it's not like it's the worst volunteering job I could go for. It's always good to do some networking. I also got an email from an indie horror film that can only pay me $50 for the whole day, but it's special effects makeup and I'm always down for that.

I tell Michael and Julie-Anne about the special effects opportunity during last looks for a hallway scene that's our last set-up of the day and they're both really excited for me.

I'm outside watching the lighting crew tear down some stuff while I wait for both of them to wrap out. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Angela rushing toward a people-mover, but she glances over her shoulder and immediately changes course, heading right for me.

"Rivera!" she calls and I turn to look at her. "Are you still free next week?" she asks when she's a few yards from me.

"Uh," I stammer.

"A spot opened up," she adds before I can say anything. "It's yours if you want it."

"Uh yeah, I do," I say quickly.

"Cool." She whips her phone out of her pocket and starts typing. "I'll email you the details soon. Come by my office tomorrow morning and we'll fill out your paperwork."

"Okay sure." The words tumble out of me.

She turns to leave and calls back over, telling me to have a good night.

I echo back the same to her.

It takes a moment for the initial shock to finish sinking in, but then I can't stop smiling while I pull out my phone and start typing apology emails for the things I now have to cancel.

Friday I'm running on Dunkin's Girl Scout Thin Mint iced coffee and excitement for getting a semi-promotion Michael told me was not a thing.

I'll never be done proving him wrong. It's my reason for living: defying expectations.

I actually use my favorite pen to sign the paperwork.

No shame.

"I can't start you in the trailer until Monday," Angela tells me. "Since we still need help with the background, but if you talk to Kevin, I'm sure he'd appreciate the help with last looks today. If he tells you he's good though, just keep up what you're doing with the background and we'll throw you into the deep end next week."

"Okay," I nod and get up to leave. "Thank you so much."

"No problem," she says as she turns back to her laptop. "Just don't make me regret it."

"Uh," I stammer. "You won't. Thank you again. I hope you have a good day."

I step out and she mumbles: "You too," as I close the door.

So, you know, no pressure.

I've got this.

Piece of cake.

Kevin does not want my help with last looks, but he does say I can blot the faces of sweaty actors, "if I feel so inclined."

That better not be a dig at my skin. I will shove one of these blotting papers where the sun don't shine. I swear to-

"Oh god, I know. I'm so fucking shiny. I'm like a greased pig," Zendaya says when I come up to her. Blotting papers ready in my right hand and oil control primer and powder in my left.

"You're just glistening," I joke.

"Gah, I'm so hot." She fans herself. "Even my sweat is sweating."

"Just think about the air conditioning in holding," I say. "Imagine yourself there and maybe you can trick your skin."

She laughs as I finish and give her a few blotting papers to hide in her pockets before I head off to check on other people.

I love being put on oil duty.

I make my way over to Tony, who's trying to blot his face with Kleenex.

"These might work better," I say and hand him a few blotting papers.

"Thank you," he says as he takes them. "I think they're trying to melt us."

"They're going for that authentic high school look," I grin. "Sweaty teens and all."

"Can I get some of those?"

I turn around and come face to chest with Shawn.

"You know, I really should start wearing heels so I don't have to crane my neck when I look at you," I say as I pull a few papers from the package for him. "At this rate, I'll sprain something by Tuesday."

He raises an eyebrow and takes the blotting papers from me.

"You'll be seeing me next week?"

I nod slightly. "I'll be seeing you next week." I can feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth and it's impossible to contain when a smile spreads across his face.

"You got the job?" he asks.

I nod again. "I got the job."

He holds his hand up and I high-five him and feel my cheeks burning.

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Yay! Plot! There will be a lot more of Shawn and the rest of the cast from here on out. More time for drama and some relationships maybe??? *cough cough hint hint wink wink nudge nudge*