#i’ll have to do a ck one at some point… maybe later tho

[taughtdefense]

Send ✶ and I’ll write a headcanon about our muses

@taughtpain wanted an ethrobby headcanon ❤️

Ethan’s decision to stop hiding and holding back in Season 6–fully unleashing his fighting knowledge and abilities—significantly enhances his synergy with Robby during combat. Their teamwork, already strong due to their shared background in Miyagi-Do and the deep emotional bond between them, becomes even more formidable when Ethan embraces his full potential and acts on his genuine expertise in martial arts.

This decision marks a critical turning point in his fighting style and his fighting synergy with Robby—and with his other partners/friends. For years, Ethan had suppressed the full extent of his power and precision, fearing the consequences of unleashing his omniscient awareness and enhanced (not directly kill-worthy—but still very much considered omnipotent scaling wise) strength, speed and martial arts abilities. As a nonhuman being, Ethan’s capabilities have always defied the limits of human comprehension, but his fear of isolation within Miyagi-Do kept him from embracing the true scope of his potential.

However, once Ethan chooses to accept and wield his full strength in Season 6, following the post-Season 5 revelation of his eldritch nature to the Miyagi-Fangs after saving all of their lives, his fighting style undergoes a dramatic transformation. No longer restrained, his movements flow with supernatural precision and unpredictability against opponents, blending the discipline of Miyagi-Do, the raw power of Cobra Kai, and Wade’s chaotic influence. Ethan’s ability to anticipate and counter moves with near-absolute accuracy creates openings that Robby is free to exploit with devastating efficiency. Together, their synergy becomes unstoppable—a perfect harmony of otherworldly skill and human grit. Their emotional bond only deepens this connection, allowing them to anticipate each other’s actions effortlessly, making their fights an awe-inspiring display of precision and power.

1. Complementary Fighting Styles:

• Mutual Understanding: Both Ethan and Robby are already trained in Miyagi-Do, which means they share a common foundation of calm, precision, and defensive techniques. However, where Ethan had been hesitant to fully explore his other styles up until Season 6, Robby’s training in Miyagi-Do and Eagle Fang (Mia’s note: fuck whatever canon says about EF being fully dissolved/Johnny not teaching Robby EF moves) make him versatile in his own right. Ethan, now tapping into his full range of skills, can seamlessly switch between different styles mid-fight, and Robby has the freedom to intuitively pick up on this.

Even before they start dating, Ethan instinctively began picking up on Robby’s fluidity in both movement and mindset, allowing the two of them to flow in perfect sync during sparring and beyond. (Ex: the food court fight at the mall.) Over time, this natural connection deepens, with their understanding of each other’s fighting styles reaching new heights in Season 6 as they transition from boyfriends in Season 5 to fiancés/spouses.

• Blending Miyagi-Fang, Cobra Kai, & Wade’s Chaotic Influence: Ethan and Robby’s combined training in Miyagi-Fang, Cobra Kai (with Ethan picking up on their moves), and the addition of specifically Wade’s unorthodox methods creates a highly disciplined yet unpredictable duo. Ethan’s precision-based techniques are enhanced by Wade’s chaotic, unorthodox influence, as well as his own chaotic nature, transforming his usually calm and calculated approach into something more fluid and unpredictable.

This new edge makes Ethan’s multi-style fighting even harder to read, allowing him to set up Robby for devastating strikes with expertly timed sweeps, blocks, and misdirects. Robby’s aggressive, Cobra Kai-style offense complements this perfectly (as we saw in Season 6 consistently, e.g.: the Kwon fight in 6x09)—becoming even more dangerous when paired with Ethan’s ability to create openings by using chaos to their advantage. Wade’s high-pressure, chaotic training has instilled in Ethan a more intense, relentless drive, making him even more aggressive and harder to stop.

Together, they combine the best of both worlds—Ethan’s disciplined defense and chaos and Robby’s offensive moves—creating a formidable team that’s difficult to predict and even harder to defend against.

2. Fluid Transitions Between Styles:

• Adaptive Combat Strategy: Ethan’s ability to fluidly transition between all his disciplines—Miyagi-Do, Eagle Fang, Cobra Kai (picked up through years of watching and fighting against Cobra Kai students), and Muay Thai (among other styles, with these four as his main focus)—demonstrates his mastery of blending techniques in real-time. In a team setting with Robby, Ethan can adapt his fighting style depending on the situation, using quick switches to complement Robby’s actions. If Robby charges in aggressively with a Cobra Kai strike against an opponent, Ethan can immediately counterbalance with a defensive Miyagi-Do move, positioning them both for a more effective follow-up. This adaptability allows them to cover each other’s weaknesses and capitalize on the strengths of each fighter.

• Coordinated Attacks: When Ethan shifts between styles, it could confuse & overwhelm opponents, creating openings for Robby to strike. The unpredictability of Ethan’s transitions allows Robby to rely on him to create these openings without needing to think too hard about it. They’re able to communicate through body language, anticipating each other’s moves and reactions on the fly.

3. Emotional & Psychological Synchronization:

• Heightened Confidence & Shared Mindset: Now that Ethan has gained confidence and is showcasing a larger percentage of his genuine abilities in fighting (Season 5/Season 6 specifically), his psychological state mirrors Robby’s own evolution. Ethan’s wealth of knowledge and embrace of many different styles of martial arts signals to Robby that they are not only fighting side by side but are truly in sync emotionally. Their trust in each other—built on shared experiences and mutual understanding—propels their teamwork forward as a more seamless unit. Ethan’s emotional control and confidence might help allow Robby to focus on his strikes, given Ethan has the fight under control, or can jump in when it’s needed.

• Understanding Each Other’s Energy: Ethan’s ability to use his emotional energy in his fighting style matches Robby’s drives in combat. When Ethan is in control of his emotions, he becomes a stabilizing force for Robby. Conversely, Robby can anchor Ethan during a fight, reminding him to channel his energy toward the fight instead of letting his emotions fester—or spiral dangerously. Together, their emotional states balance each other out, giving them the mental clarity to execute complex techniques in the heat of battle. They might even anticipate when the other needs support—whether that’s physically, like a back-up strike, or mentally, by diffusing a stressful situation.

4. Strategic Depth & Adaptation:

• Reading Opponents Together: Ethan’s elevated ability to read opponents and react accordingly complements Robby’s own intuitive fighting style (e.g., circling an opponent, a Miyagi-Do tactic). Ethan’s broad knowledge of various fighting styles and his extensive experience allow him to pick up on subtle cues that Robby, due to his human nature, might miss. Together, they develop a near-telepathic understanding of their opponents’ tendencies, as well as their own. They can quickly adapt their strategy to outsmart opponents, knowing when to go on the offensive or retreat to recalibrate.

• Coordinated Counters: The enhanced versatility in their fighting styles means Ethan and Robby can develop advanced techniques that incorporate both their strengths. If an opponent attacks Ethan with a powerful strike, Robby can jump in with a well-timed counter, or vice versa. Robby’s Cobra Kai style may focus on pushing an opponent into a vulnerable position, but Ethan’s swift transitions into Miyagi-Do’s defensive postures will allow him to create openings for Robby’s counterattacks. In a larger battle, they could even operate as bait-and-switch partners, tricking their opponents into making mistakes that lead to their downfall by Ethan and Robby.

5. Strategic Timing & Execution:

• Creating Opening for Robby: As Ethan becomes more confident in using his abilities (and stops holding back as much), he might take on the more defensive role in their pairing, luring opponents into traps and creating openings for Robby to land decisive strikes. Ethan could use his defensive abilities to slow down the fight and force the opponent into a position where Robby can unleash his more aggressive attacks. This dynamic is especially beneficial against more highly trained opponents (e.g. Kwon Jae-Sung), where Robby’s speed and power can be used more effectively when Ethan neutralizes the opponent’s attacks first.

• Setting Up Finishing Moves: Ethan could take on the role of “softening” up opponents for Robby to finish off with precise, powerful strikes. Whether it’s through Muay Thai’s clinches, Miyagi-Do’s disabling techniques, or Cobra Kai’s brutality, Ethan can wear down an opponent’s guard, leaving them vulnerable to Robby’s quick, decisive takedowns or powerful attacks. In this way, Ethan would act as both protector and setup, allowing Robby to close out the fight with greater impact.

6. Symbiotic Growth:

• Mutual Growth in Combat: As both Ethan and Robby grow stronger, they push each other to improve. Robby will feel emboldened by Ethan’s unleashed power, knowing that Ethan is now fighting at his full capacity. Ethan, in turn, will grow more comfortable trusting Robby’s abilities, especially as they share more battle experience. They will continuously refine their synergy—learning from each fight, adjusting their strategies, and growing stronger together.

Additionally, Ethan can take on the offensive role while Robby switches to the defensive. This creates an entirely new dimension to their fighting synergy.

1. Offensive & Defensive Roles:

• Ethan’s Offensive Precision: Given that Ethan is now fully confident in his abilities and can seamlessly tap into his full range of skills, he can take the lead in offensive maneuvers. With his vast knowledge of multiple fighting styles—especially his heightened Muay Thai, Miyagi-Fang and Cobra Kai techniques (as well as many, many others, but again, those are his four main styles)—Ethan can be highly aggressive, setting the tempo of the fight. His quick transitions between styles allow him to stay wholly unpredictable, overwhelming opponents with a variety of strikes, sweeps, and clinches. Ethan’s precision in timing attacks, like landing devastating knee strikes or sharp counter-punches, can keep opponents on edge, forcing them to react rather than control the fight.

• Robby’s Defensive Mastery: Robby, already highly skilled in defense due to his training in Miyagi-Do in the series (to the point where he singlehandedly took down Cobra Kai in a one-versus-all fight, and trained all of Cobra Kai members in Miyagi-Do moves to the point where they became even more of a force in the All Valley, something the writers love to ignore, but I don’t do that here), is freely able to shift to a more defensive position. He’s not passive in this role; instead, Robby is setting up the opponent for Ethan’s next strike. With Robby on defense, Ethan can take more risks with his attacks, knowing Robby has the ability to protect both of them.

2. How It Enhances Synergy:

• Complementary Flow: Ethan being on the offensive and Robby on the defensive makes their teamwork more dynamic. When Ethan draws attention through an aggressive move, Robby can act as a shield, redirecting or deflecting incoming attacks that would otherwise hit Ethan. For example, if Ethan attacks with a Cobra Kai kick, Robby might block or intercept a counterattack using the drum technique or Paint the Fence, allowing Ethan to follow up with another strike. Their ability to intuitively respond to each other’s movements makes this dynamic highly fluid, turning defense into a tool for offense.

• Creating Openings: Robby’s defensive posturing also allows him to create openings for Ethan. If Robby deflects or dodges an opponent’s counterattack, it can leave their guard wide open for Ethan to land a decisive strike. Robby could also bait opponents into aggressive moves, knowing full well that he can absorb or deflect the attack while setting Ethan up to strike at the perfect moment.

• Psychological Play: Robby’s defensive style also gives Ethan room to focus on overwhelming the opponent, knowing that Robby will have his back. Robby’s use of defense is a psychological anchor for Ethan—knowing that his partner is capable of turning the tide when needed allows Ethan to focus on the attack without worrying about getting overzealous or leaving himself open to too many risks.

On the flip side, Robby can additionally thrive on Ethan’s offense, as his own defense is only as effective as the gaps in his opponent’s strategy—making their styles mutually supportive and beneficial.

3. Strategic Execution:

• Tactical Depth: With Ethan on the offense and Robby on the defense, they can keep opponents constantly guessing about where the threat is coming from. Ethan could bait opponents into focusing on him while Robby lurks in the background, ready to capitalize on any mistake or overcommitted move from the opponent. This style of teamwork allows them to control the rhythm of the fight, switching from aggressive exchanges to quick counterattacks, all while maintaining a balanced defense.

• Timing & Coordination: The key to making this work is perfect timing. Ethan’s offense can be calculated enough that he doesn’t overextend himself and leave Robby exposed, and Robby’s defense would need to be on point to neutralize any return attacks. This kind of setup requires both fighters to be completely in sync—when one steps up the aggression, the other steps back into a defensive position, watching and waiting for the right moment to turn the fight in their favors.

• Energy Management: Ethan being the more offensive force might also allow Robby to conserve energy and focus on defense until the right moment to switch gears. If Robby faces an opponent’s strike that he can’t fully deflect, he can draw them into a trap or create space for Ethan to take over and end the engagement quickly.

4. Real-Time Communication:

• Silent Communication: Their deep bond means they don’t need to verbalize every move—just a glance or a shift in posture is enough to indicate whether Ethan should press an attack or if Robby needs to adjust his defense. This is where their emotional synchronization enhances their fighting partnership; Robby might sense when Ethan is about to pull a risky move, and Ethan can read Robby’s defensive energy to understand when he needs to ramp up the pressure or slow down.

• Quick Adjustments: If the situation calls for it, Ethan can quickly switch to a defensive role himself, and Robby can instantly take the offensive. For example, if they notice their opponent has adapted to one style, they can swap roles mid-fight, keeping their opponent guessing and off balance. Their teamwork and rapid transitions between offense and defense keep them highly unpredictable.

5. Long-Term Growth:

• Mutual Growth in Combat: By consistently taking on these roles, both Ethan and Robby help push each other to refine their abilities. Both help each other improve not just individually but as partners, with each role strengthening the other’s capabilities.

Ethan and Robby’s battle synergy reaches near-perfect harmony once Ethan stops holding back. With Ethan on the offensive and Robby on the defensive, their seamless transition between offense and defense makes them a formidable team. Ethan overwhelms opponents with his full skill range, while Robby ensures both are protected and in control. Their deep emotional trust and understanding of each other’s movements enhance their ability to exploit weaknesses and cover vulnerabilities. Their combined skills, psychological alignment, and real-time adaptation elevate them from two fighters to a single, fluid combat force.

[kieraswriting]

Coffin Chapter Twenty-Four

Masterpost

“You know who I bet has tons of practice with thralls?” Patton said, after coming out of the third one that day, and Virgil saying that he hadn’t figured out any better how to change it.

Virgil sighed. He’d gotten to where he could start the thrall with barely any blood, so he wasn’t worried about taking so much, but he hated biting them so many times in a day, even if they didn’t remember it. Maybe especially since they didn’t remember it. “Please don’t say Remus. I can’t handle another conversation with him about thralls.”

Patton’s nose wrinkled. “Oh. No, I wasn’t thinking of him. I was thinking Remy. We haven’t called Logan in a few days anyway.”

•^*^••

Thomas was just waking up again, exhausted. Trying to resist was hard.

“You know, I could maybe show you how it’s done,” Remus offered, still at a distance that Dee had insisted upon.

Dee bristled as Remus took a step forward. He stood up and between Remus and Thomas. “You touch him and I will rip your throat out. ”

“Still touchy about your human, huh? And here I thought we were getting to be friends.” Remus took another step forward, clearly teasing, but Thomas had no idea how far he would go and still be ‘just teasing’.

Dee hissed, crouching slightly, but this only seemed to encourage Remus, as he kept coming closer. “Stay away from him!”

Remus grinned. “Oh, I’ll leave your little human alone. But I’m getting really, really bored sitting around for you two to not figure things out.”

Remus was now only a couple feet away from Dee, and Thomas could feel the threat radiating off of both of them. He wanted to shout at them, to stop this before it became a fight, but it was as if every cell in his body was telling him that one movement or sound and he would end up dead.

“Don’t take another step,” Dee hissed.

“Didn’t you know, snakey?” Remus said, still walking forward. “Humans aren’t the only ones that can be thralled.”

“Of course I know,” Dee spat. “Doesn’t mean I want to try.”

“Not even if it means you figure it out?”

“No.”

“What a shame, I guess I’ll have to try Tho-“

Dee let out a growl and Remus was cut off by a swift gut punch. But instead of pressing the advantage, Dee hesitated, probably hoping that it would be enough.

Remus also growled, though his was clearly far more playful, and he jumped at Dee. Dee was too fast to tackle, but the two of them were soon caught in a full-fledged fight.

•^*^••

The fight was over the moment Remus got his teeth into Dee.

Dee dropped almost immediately to his knees, inwardly snarling and fighting against the hold, but unable to move.

“Whoa there, snakey, calm down,” Remus said, much of the teasing gone already.

Dee found his mind calming despite himself. And when it was calm enough, he finally felt a slight curiousity.

“There you have it, made a breakthrough!” Remus said happily. “Wanna tell the class?”

Dee regained control of his head. He glared at Remus. “I hate you.”

“Aw, you don’t hate me, you’re just spitting mad. Wanna know why?”

Dee glared harder, but he actually was curious. Thomas, and the thralls Remus had taken at the prison, heck, even the other vampires back when they were all together, had all seemed to adore the person thralling them.

“Stay here, Dee Dee, I’ll be right back. I need to show you this one.”

Remus left, but not far, searching for something.

“Dee, are you alright?” Thomas asked.

Dee couldn’t turn to look at him, but he could hear the fear in his voice. “I’m fine. Stay away from Remus.”

Then Remus came back, carrying a brown lump. Dee really hoped that it wasn’t what he thought it was.

“Alright! Teaching materials have been acquired!” Remus said loudly, sitting on the ground beside Dee.

Dee found himself moving to a sitting position without wanting to.

“Okay, look here.” Remus had the lump, which now looked more like clay, thank goodness, and was molding it into a snake. He stuck a twig through the head and the end of the tail. “So, this twig is me,” he said, pointing to the one in the tail. “And the other one is you.”

Dee let go of his anger. Remus was an idiot, and infuriating, but it seemed he was genuinely trying to teach, in his own absurd way. “Ok.”

Remus smiled brightly. “And this is the link,” he said, pointing to the clay. “Now it can go two ways, up, or sideways.” He pinched the snake so it flattened out horizontally. “This is more what it looks like in my head right now. It’s sideways, so I can make your body do anything I want. A suuuper long time ago I had to say it all out loud, but I can just do it now.”

Dee found himself clapping.

“Now the other way is up. You can’t just twist it though, you have to pinch it all the way up.” Remus said, demonstrating with his snake. “And up is feelings and thoughts and junk. Mostly making you fall in love with me.”

Remus batted his eyelashes, and Dee rolled his eyes. “But I haven’t been able to make the link change either up or sideways.”

“Oh…” Remus said disappointedly. “Well, anyway, you have a nice round little snake when you start, so you’re controlling his body and his feelings. You just have to figure out how to run a steamroller over your snake.”

“Do you really think of it as a snake?” Dee asked. Snakes weren’t exactly moldable.

“Oh, no, mine’s a d*ck. I just figured a snake would make it easier for you.”

Dee cringed, and was suddenly able to, his body back under his control.

“And when you’re done you just lop it right off!” Remus said cheerfully.

“Please stop.”

“But I haven’t even talked about when you have more than one—“

“Stoooop…. please, Remus, I understand what you tried to say.”

“But then what does resisting do?” Thomas asked.

“Oh! That’s like when—“

Dee shoved a hand over Remus’s mouth. “I get it. I’ll explain to Thomas. Later.”

•^*^••

After Patton and Roman had talked to Logan for a while, Virgil was handed the phone.

“ Hey there, babycakes, heard you wanted to talk to me? ”

“Um… yeah, I guess.” Virgil stood up, pacing around the room.

“What, now you’re leaving the conversation on me?”

“No, no I didn’t mean to, I— well, we called because I’m trying to learn how to do a thrall.”

“A thrall,” Remy gave a low whistle. “That’s easy to try and hard to get good at.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m figuring out. They… adore me, and forget as soon as they wake up.”

“Yepper, that sounds like a baby vampire.”

“How do I stop it?”

“You could try not thralling your friends.”

Virgil heard a bit of a hushed conversation from the other end, mostly Emile fussing at Remy.

“Ok, fine, what does your link look like? Describe it to me.”

“It’s like a rubber band. One end is looped around me and the other one around the other person.”

“Hmmm.”

“Remus told me how to start. He said I have to change its shape to control it.”

“Not necessarily. It’s typically better to work with what you know. Have you tried stretching it, like you would a normal rubber band?”

“I thought about it, but I can’t figure out how.”

“Try that. Or no. You’ve been trying to make it have less of an influence, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Try more influence first. Fold it in half, or loop it around a second time. Don’t worry so much about changing things the way you want, just change things and see what happens.”

“Ok. I guess I can try that.”

“There’s a kid. Don’t worry too much, nobody learned a thrall in a week.”

“Alright. Thanks, Remy.”

“ Eh, I owed Em a favo-oof. You’re welcome, kid. Call again if you have more issues.”

Virgil laughed slightly, and Remy hung up. He looked up and saw Patton watching him expectantly.

“What’d he say?”

Virgil handed Patton his phone back. “It’ll take a while. He gave me a few ideas, but mostly I have to just keep playing with it.”

“Well, we could practice now if you want,” Patton offered.

Virgil sat down on the couch. “Why do you care so much? You’re taking hours and hours that you can’t even remember and giving them to me.”

“Well, I have to admit, I have some selfish reasons,” Patton said, sitting across from him. “I do care about you, and want to help you, but a lot of my reason is just that I’m really, really bored. I don’t have anything to do, or anywhere to go, and this helps me be not bored! And also you get really cuddly afterwards, and I’m always down for cuddles!”

Virgil flushed. It felt strange, being so well-fed that he could blush when he was embarrassed.

“But I don’t want to push you,” Patton said. “Not for my own reasons, anyway. If you don’t want to do more today, we can try to watch another movie.”

“Maybe… a movie first, and then we can try again?”

“Sounds like a deal to me! I’ll go get Roman, I think I’d break the whole thing if I tried touching it.”

•^*^••

Liam sat up with a sigh of relief. That was much better. Even non lethal, a gunshot wound was wildly painful.

The vampire was trembling slightly, eyes going between Liam’s face and his gun. Not for the first time, Liam wished that they’d figured out how to make a thrall go the other way. He’d certainly appreciate a small army of obedient vampires.

He could, of course, bend nearly any vampire to his will, given enough time and a few supplies, but a thrall seemed much more efficient. And he needed that army soon.

Vampires had his son, and he was not going to let them stay hidden much longer.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Top Men

I’ve never seen all of Raiders of the Lost Arc in it’s entirety. This thing came out when i was a kid and was the opposite of what i was about back then. My thing was giant monsters, space robots, and neon cyberpunk. Indiana Jones spent the majority of his time in a f*cking desert. That sh*t seemed boring to me. As i grew older and my tastes expanded, i found myself kind of into a lot of the things portrayed in that initial film. Archaeology, lost history, biblical mythology; I find that sh*t fascinating. Ancient lien theory actually intrigue me a great deal, mostly it’s utter dismissal on both sides of the argument, so when Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull came out, i was all for it. Once it hit DVD. I did not see that sh*t in theaters. To my surprise, i rather enjoyed it. Apparently, however, that is not what an Indiana Jones film was supposed to be. As i perused Netflix, i noticed that Raiders was available for streaming. I figured, what the hell? It’s been probably thirty years since i last watched this thing. Let me see if i agree with the general consensus that this movie is, indeed, a proper classic of cinema.

The Great

The best thing about this movie, i think, is definitely the score. Holy sh*t, man, the music in this film definitely makes the picture. John Williams is a goddamn genius, man. Dude rarely creates something that isn’t all sorts of classic.

After that absolutely epic score, the next best thing about this film is easily Harrison Ford. If you made a movie about Han Solo but placed it on earth, during the thirties, and turned him into an archaeologist instead of a scoundrel, you’d have Henry Walton “Indiana” Jones, jr. Ford gives such a charming, electric, charismatic performance as Jones, it’s no wonder the character became a staple of the American cinematic lexicon.

The Better

 Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood makes this film for me. She is the standout, only outshined by Ford’s Indiana, himself. She’s outstanding as Indy’s foil and absolutely necessary to sell the character. She’s caught a lot, sure, but it’s almost always by numerous men who probably outweigh her by a few pounds and, even then, she never just surrenders. You rarely hear her scream and she almost always lands her own solid licks in a proper fight. Lucas sure knows how to write dope female leads when he tries. When he doesn’t, we get Willie Scott. I’ll get to THAT broad when i review Temple of Doom. I got A LOT to say about that chick, man.

The action in this thing is brazen, dangerous, and appreciated. They don;t make movies like this anymore. Everything in here is practice, Every stung, fight, explosion, and set piece was done with physical, real life, stuff. You don't see this level of film making anymore because of all the CG effect proliferation which was, in part, championed by both Lucas and Spielberg. That sh*t is kind of hilarious to me. One of the greatest action films ever made, rife with practical effects, is directly responsible for the mitigation of the very thing that makes this movie so special.

Speaking of the direction, Spielberg is in fine form with this one. 80s Spielberg is hard to touch. He sh*tted classics during this decade, solidifying his place as one of the greats to ever do it. ET, Poltergeist (even though people say it’s Toby Hooper was the one who helmed it, Spielberg definitely ghost directed this thing), The Goonies as Second Unit Director, Empire of the Sun, The Color Purple, and Temple of Doom, all came out under his watch. Dude was prolific as f*ck.

The writing on this flick is decent. George Lucas understands how to craft a story. He has a formula and he follows that sh*t religiously but it works. He wrote Star Wars. He wrote Indiana Jones. He wrote American Graffiti. Dude knows his stuff and it really shows in Raiders. The characters feel real and actually pretty charming. I found myself rooting for Marion almost immediately, masterclass in character introduction.

The Good

I like the narrative crafted for this tale, the actual story. There are a lot of great ideas put forth, creative use of biblical imagery and christian mythology. I love that sh*t. It’s why i adore Dan Brown’s stuff so much. Say what you will about The DaVinci Code, i love that mess and it really is kind of a mess. This story is not. It get right to the point, focusing n the characters and their relationships rather than the actual Christ Judaeo-Christian imagery. In the 80s, that was absolutely necessary but i think it makes for a stronger, cleaner, narrative overall.

I rather enjoy this cast. Everyone is quite god in their respective roles, overall. I had no idea Alfred Molina was in this so that was a nice surprise. It’s always fun seeing people i know later in life, in the young, vibrant, beginnings of their careers. John Rhys-Davies was also fun to see. I know him from Sliders but seeing him in this was a real treat.

This movie is absolutely gorgeous. It’s definitely nature porn, even if most of it is sand and brown. The shot composition if this thing is spectacular. I was kind of impressed with how vivid this world looks even though there is so little of it shown. There is a ton of it show, yes, but most of it is in the desert or some sh*t. You can only see the same kinds of rocks so many times before you hate seeing those rocks. Raiders does a great job of shooting those rocks in interesting, dynamic ways, so the setting never overstays it’s welcome.

But them melting Nazis, tho.

The Bad

So, there really isn’t a whole lot of bad in this. Admittedly, Raiders is a near perfect film. I can concede that. But i still wasn’t really entertained by it. I still was gripped with what i saw. I don’t understand the allure of this franchise on a personal level. Objectively, sure, it’s fantastic. But, for me, this sh*t is boring.

Raiders feels like one, long ass, chase scene with spots of exposition before another, long ass, chase scene. The dialogue is charming, the chemistry between the leads is palpable, and the action is some of the best on film, but blergh. I was never captivated nor did i care about anyone in this film.

The Verdict

I don’t like this movie. Absolutely disconnected from it. I find it plodding, pretentious, and a little boring. I do understand why everyone who holds this film so dear, absolutely hates Crystal Skull. There is a distinct shift in tone between the two and it’s actually quite jarring. This is coming from someone who doesn’t even really like the franchise at all. It’s kind of surreal how alien that Indiana feels to this Indiana. That said, as a proper film critique, Raiders is f*cking phenomenal. Objectively, this is a near perfect example of a film in this genre. There is inspired direction, great performances, gorgeous scene composition, rich cinematography, and characters that have stood the test of time to become stalwarts of US culture. I mean, i knew exactly who Marion Ravenwood was when she was introduced in Crystal Skull and i had only seen Raiders once when i was, like, five or six. That tells you exactly how beloved this movie is within the cultural zeitgeist. Raiders f the Lost Ark is an absolutely great film. It is to the action genre as Alien is to sci-fi horror, and y’all know how high in regard i hold Alien. That’s not praise i heap flippantly. All four of these flicks are on Netflix so might check them all out eventually. Maybe. That said, personally, i do not like this movie at all. Still doesn’t do enough to shake my giant monster, space robot, neon cyberpunk sensibilities.

[sensational-fools-9]

SF9 Hi-Touch & Concert experience

As some of you know (?), I was at the Berlin concert last Sunday with a friend and I thought I might want to write about my experience!! I’ll put it under the cut for everyone who wants to read it, because it got a liiiiittle too long after all lol.

First off, the concert itself was LIT. They did a huge deal of my favourite songs, including one they didn’t do in the US, so hearing that was a pleasant surprise!! 

Their live vocals are no joke and their performance and stage presence are overwhelming. That was the third kpop concert I’ve been to, and as expected, every group so far had a very unique feeling about them. With SF9 what I noticed and appreciate very much is their honesty on stage. Like, I could feel just how happy they were to meet us and to perform for us, and how genuine they seemed - during the show as well as afterwards. And dear lord they are so handsome, Inseong was the first member I saw and I was just blown away by his sheer beauty, I tried filming the first song and f*cked up right when he walked in and I saw his face dkaslfjas. All of them just have amazing stage presence - they’re fierce when the song calls for it, they radiate emotion for their calmer songs, and all of them are just so charismatic. And they also learned a lot of phrases in German to talk to us and that was honestly so touching that they put in so much effort for their Fantasy.

Speaking of Fantasy - the other fans there were pretty chill too, I didn’t see a single one who wasn’t a multistan, and the Jaeyoon stan freaking out about the special fansign event two rows behind me in the vip line was a whole experience wow (bless u girl, there’s far too little people who bias our busan man)

But now for the actual Hi-Touch! All members did it with one hand, Dawon and Hwiyoung with the left one, the others with the right one also all their hands are so soft it’s unbelievable. The order (this time I could actually remember it lol) was as follows:

Inseong - Jaeyoon - Youngbin - Dawon - Hwiyoung - Rowoon - Chani - Taeyang - Zuho

Inseong: A while before the concert I was thinking about how I wished Inseong and/or Jaeyoon would be the first people for the hi-touch, cause I felt like they would be really good at calming the nervous fans (ergo: M E) down, and I wasn’t disappointed. He’s so beautiful with the pink hair (not that he isn’t without ksajfdlka) and he really took a hold of everyone’s hands as far as I could tell. He was so friendly and straightforward, that I felt at ease immediately. I’m usually a socially anxious person but with him being first - as well as the fact that all members just give me a feeling that I can trust them - I went through the hi-touch rather calmly. He also said something in English, I think it was a greeting but at this point I really can’t remember anymore.

Jaeyoon: WOW. He is a sunshine. A literal sunshine. He smiled so brightly I think I automatically just smiled back at him. I don’t know how to describe it well in words, but his happy aura just blew away all remaining nervousness I still felt sakjdflsa. He’s really amazing, such a warm and welcoming person. You can feel the fire inside of him and that he would make such a good hype man LOL. Also if u don’t wanna poke his dimples after having seen them in rl what r u even doing

Youngbin: OOF THE LEADER. This is getting tricky because the hi-touch went by so fast and with some members my memory isn’t as good as with others, but I remember getting a very... leader-like feeling from him (duh). His charisma is overwhelming really. He seems like a person you’d automatically respect, but also someone you can put your trust into. (Also fun fact: he and Taeyang walked past us just before we could enter the venue and wow he is so powerful truly, and also kinda smol but that might just be me cause I’m far too used to being surrounded by tall people lol) Oh and not to forget his BEAUTIFUL eyesmile!!!

Dawon: Now Dawon caught me a little off-guard, because he was using his left instead of his right hand. So I only touched his hand very lightly only a few days later I realized that was the perfect position to try intertwining fingers akjfldkas. My friend says she was confused because he was dressed like staff and I was just like???? Really???? Yeah, I don’t remember him so well, but I got the feeling he was really tired that day and not in top shape :/ He still did so well though!!

Hwiyoung: OH MY GOD. So my first reaction to Hwiyoung was thinking how he looked so much more handsome in reality than on pictures???? Like if I had to pick a member who seems the most different in rl and in pics or videos, I’d say it’s him. I just remember looking at his eyes and then his whole face and thinking how it seemed kinda more... even? Like we know he’s handsome in pics and stuff but in real life? UGH. He did the hi-touch with his left hand as well, so with him too I only touched his hand very lightly.

Rowoon: OH LORD KIM SEOKWOO. He is TALL, but didn’t seem as tall as I expected him to. I think he leaned down a little (my friend’s comment on that: f*ck off, I know I’m smOL kasjfklasj). I also remember thinking to myself that I should finally start saying “thank you” to them as I had originally planned, but then he said “danke” and I was like... what? HE SAID DANKE. IN GERMAN. IN REALLY GOOD GERMAN. I still hear that in my head kasdjflkas. So naturally I was too shooketh to continue my train of thought so I just,,, did the hi touch and moved on without saying anything whOPS. This is entirely his fault. Also my friend says he had SUPER SOFT hands and we both agree he didn’t seem as gigantic as he is!

Chani: Really I can’t remember much about him except he was sMOL and his hands too were SMOL and I finally managed to say my first “thank you” of the evening to him ksljfak. Friend says he wore his usual Chani-face and now that she mentioned it I remember it too skaldfjsak

Taeyang: With him too I managed to thank him, and I was genuinely surprised how BIG his hand was like???? WHOA there, maybe it was just in comparison to Chani’s but still. Also someone on twitter said he was sitting down for the hi-touch but I??? honestly??? don’t remember???? Anyway we all know how beautiful he is but LET ME TELL YOU if you ever see him in real life???? He is really one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, and so so graceful as he walked past us outside the venue.

Zuho: He was just,,, exactly like you’d expect him to be. As I mentioned, the whole group appears so honest, but with him especially I noticed how he fooled around on stage as usual, but also how he treated us fans exactly like you see him do in vlives etc. I will spare you all the details here or this part would get far too long (me? biased af? naaahhhh....). This is super funny though because my friend usually just goes through these kinds of situations calmly at least on the outside, but she told me when she saw him and he smiled at her she just blacked out and froze up just before touching his hand because she didn’t expect him to be THAT adorable aksljfas. As for me, I was surprisingly fine with him. He didn’t say anything if I remember correctly (my friends says he said “thank you” very silently tho??? not sure...), but it’s like instead he conveyed with his body language that he was happy to meet us but you could also clearly feel the respect he has for us. It’s difficult to describe. His hand was soft as well, but I had the feeling it felt a teeny tiny bit rougher than the others’. I was gonna say something different to him but then didn’t have the courage after all and just said “thank you” - which I still regret a little bit tbh. 

Still, I feel like Zuho was the perfect person to send us off in the end, just like Inseong and Jaeyoon were perfect for getting started. Overall my hi-touch experience was a really good one, unfortunately the staff wouldn’t let us spend more than two or three seconds per member *coughcough* maybe mmt should value quality over quantity when it comes to selling vip tickets with hi touch next time *coughcough*, so my friend unfortunately got pushed forward a few times - I was lucky with that though and could pass through without getting shoved around by the staff (also shout out to that one staff guy hyping everyone up just at the start of the hi touch line lol, he was great).

10/10 would do again, and I can’t say it enough just how safe and secure and appreciated these nine guys make you feel as their fans - even more so when you meet them for real!

Another little thing that I’m sure happened at the other concerts as well in the respective languages: all their German pronunciation was sooo so good, and Tyang even introduced himself as “der Sonnenschein der Gruppe” = “the sunshine of the group” and WOW their German just sounded so good. I also remember Jaeyoon repeatedly fucking up “euch” from “Ich liebe euch” = “I love you”, and the other members correcting him akljfa. Inseong did most of the English talking and kept throwing in German phrases, it was great, in general they talked a lot of English to us so the translator at the venue didn’t have to do much, and in the end Zuho yelled “Auf Wiedersehen” and I sincerely hope someone recorded that :’D

And that was my (and my friend’s) concert experience! If anyone has anything to add, feel free to share your stories^^

[slashtakemylife]

Sheith was NEVER meant to be canon

First of all, I will NEVER EVER discourage a ship, I welcome all ships, heck send me right now a message about sheith HC and I'll encourage you and even HC with you as well

But please, Sheith was NEVER in any point supposed to be canon and yes I've seen and read a LOT of theories and let me tell you, you all need to watch all of captain america's movies but that comes later, first here's some arguments

Brotherhood: Yes I know you get this argument a LOT but the Brotherhood (TM) story line is extremely common

The Hobbit (Bilbo and Thorin) Sherlock, both movies and BBC (Sherlock and Watson) Merlin (Merlin and Arthur) and my main base Captain America (Steve and Bucky) I'm sorry I can't bring you child shows because none come to mind right now

All this shows and even more, show a bond between males that go beyond friendship, become brothers, even stronger than blood but also these guys are actually the most popular ship in their franchise and it's no surprise why, even Queerbaiting comes from here because they KNOW people are invested in them and deliberately make scenes that encourage people DESPITE knowing they will never follow through, so you are not new, the first or even the last

The Beard

So it comes a point were this male/male relationships are so close you begin to think, hmmm, I wonder if there's more? Could it be romantic?! And at this exact moment content makers pull out their trap card, The Love Interest!

Nothing a seldom developed female character can't fix, right? They can add a female character and push her solely for romance (since they don't actually know what to do with a female character, wtf do vaginas even do?) with a few character development moments and also to show like, No they are not gay, look at this happy HETERO couple!

Now is the moment were I confess I am a rabbid Adashi shipper, YES I will protect my son Adam from ANYONE and right now I'm gonna tell you the real deal, the absolute tea of my boy Adam!

Adam is a freaking Beard

So yeah, when S6 ended, it also came to a point were they realized things had gone way to gay and considering how they had hyped LGTB, they knew now was the time to deliver and put an end to a romantic Sheith with the respective Beard (Acxa I think was considered to be Keith's beard but maybe they cast it out later on?) but wait! Ohhh f*ck, we forgot Shiro was gay, uh oh, that means Shiro's beard is a guy, yeah, remember that boy Adam back from when we were doing S2?

In case you don't remember, here's some history, Shiro was supposed to die back in S2 so that Keith could rise into the BP, in an interview, JDS and LM said that S7's Adam flashback was supposed to happen in S2, so those scenes were prepared beforehand, they were actually going to show a gay Shiro and then he was going to die but since they didn't want to do the BYG trope, *cough* bullshit *cough* toy sales and Shiro being Very popular *cough*, they let Shiro live, be the BP and also help make a storyline were Keith goes with the blades instead of immediately into BP and also create this amazing brotherhood that would guide both their characters (the only reason S6 gets a pass is mostly that emotional, visually beautiful fight between Shiro and Keith)

But then as I said, it reached the point were it was way to gay and the beard was needed but unfortunately, the beard was gay and honestly they didn't want to spend too much time on the gay, luckily all they need is a beard, nothing more so here VLD tried to be sneaky with these easy steps:

Put Shiro's gay beard

Get brownie point for the rep they promised

Kill Sheith in the process

Also kill Klance since it's stablished Shiro is he only rep

Kill the beard as well since we don't actually want to put a whole gay storyline, we only need to stablish Shiro as gay

Success!

This is very VERY clear in how they justified Adam's death by saying it was tragedy, war and loss, specially when they mentioned that Shiro is the rep, no one EVER made an intention to give Shiro a full GAY romance in ANY way or with any character, but their plan went to shit when everyone (rightfully) called out their BS so they needed a quick fix specially with the coming S8 which was probably mostly done

Why didn't they just make Shiro marry Keith? Their relationship was very developed it was a very easy step, in fact! We have clear evidence they cut out big Sheith moments and interactions and deliveratedly added more Curtis in the BG to justify the ending

If they had prepared a Sheith canon finale it would've saved their ASS, all they had to do in S7 was say 'there's more rep to come!' And be done with the controversy and you are right, ot would've been a slow build relationship

I wholeheartedly believe they cut Sheith scenes and added more Curtis, I do, but here's why, S8 was mostly done, they had done their LGTB duty and S7 should have all the rep the fandom needed, things were good, we could forget that pending and move on with the finale, then the fandom exploted (rightfuly mind you

So VLD had to fix this, they knew S8 also had Sheith PLATONIC moments since they thought they were safe, we were supposed to know this was a friendship, not a relationship, that was the point of the beard! But the beard and the rep both failed (you mean an ambiguous scene and later kill the SO doesn't work? *pikachu face*)

They cut Sheith platonic moments, made klance open ended, used the deus ex machina card for Ezor and Zethrid and rush a Shiro wedding

Look I'm an Adashi, my ship IS canon but one is dead and the other married off, if they had added Adam at the wedding it would've also felt awkward, this Shiro friend that we barely saw is now married to him? Only if you know their true relationship would you understand but it would also feel out of the blue (they did broke up) specially since their scene felt final and not a petty dispute or a misunderstanding but a really sad but necessary choice, none were in the wrong

So I understand the canon and the behind the scenes as to why this happened, but that doesn't mean I'll stop shipping them (F*ck VLD, I'm he captain now) I choose to drown in fanfiction but I won't hate or belittle Curtis because he really is a backgroungd character that got roped into this but people like him, so respect him, his relationship with Shiro and their shippers

So back to my Captain America, I chose this pairing because they went through the same, in Cap 1 there was a balance between the friendship between Steve and Bucky and the slow buildup of Steve and Peggy so while you could definitely ship Stucky if you wanted, the clear canon was Steggy, what happens in Cap 2? The Stucky relationship gets more screen time and the developing romance Staron is very little (non-existent) so when we get to Cap 3 were Cap goes against everyone FOR Bucky, well #GetCaptainAmericaABoyfriend was trending, why? Because The Beard, Sharon as a character and Staron as a couple was so underdeveloped that we all felt wierd with that kiss, sure we knew it was going to happen and that there was something there but suddenly in our faces? People felt comfortable with Stucky because it was more developed that the actual canon relationship, if they had actually made an effort to flush out Sharon and her relationship with Cap, I think it wouldn't have feel so akward, it doesn't help that we repeatedly get reminded of Peggy so they never really pay time to poor Sharon (Yes I'm a Stucky but if a female is done right I can accept her because I actually love Steggy as well)

So Sheith went through the same, they coded their relationship a certain way and failed to separate the romance and bromance, it's never fun to be the obligatory love interest to push away that gay sh*t, Lance actually went through thos since S8 has him mostly worry for Allura

So this is a long rant so thanks for reading

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Top Men

I’ve never seen all of Raiders of the Lost Arc in it’s entirety. This thing came out when i was a kid and was the opposite of what i was about back then. My thing was giant monsters, space robots, and neon cyberpunk. Indiana Jones spent the majority of his time in a f*cking desert. That sh*t seemed boring to me. As i grew older and my tastes expanded, i found myself kind of into a lot of the things portrayed in that initial film. Archaeology, lost history, biblical mythology; I find that sh*t fascinating. Ancient lien theory actually intrigue me a great deal, mostly it’s utter dismissal on both sides of the argument, so when Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull came out, i was all for it. Once it hit DVD. I did not see that sh*t in theaters. To my surprise, i rather enjoyed it. Apparently, however, that is not what an Indiana Jones film was supposed to be. As i perused Netflix, i noticed that Raiders was available for streaming. I figured, what the hell? It’s been probably thirty years since i last watched this thing. Let me see if i agree with the general consensus that this movie is, indeed, a proper classic of cinema.

The Great

The best thing about this movie, i think, is definitely the score. Holy sh*t, man, the music in this film definitely makes the picture. John Williams is a goddamn genius, man. Dude rarely creates something that isn’t all sorts of classic.

After that absolutely epic score, the next best thing about this film is easily Harrison Ford. If you made a movie about Han Solo but placed it on earth, during the thirties, and turned him into an archaeologist instead of a scoundrel, you’d have Henry Walton “Indiana” Jones, jr. Ford gives such a charming, electric, charismatic performance as Jones, it’s no wonder the character became a staple of the American cinematic lexicon.

The Better

 Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood makes this film for me. She is the standout, only outshined by Ford’s Indiana, himself. She’s outstanding as Indy’s foil and absolutely necessary to sell the character. She’s caught a lot, sure, but it’s almost always by numerous men who probably outweigh her by a few pounds and, even then, she never just surrenders. You rarely hear her scream and she almost always lands her own solid licks in a proper fight. Lucas sure knows how to write dope female leads when he tries. When he doesn’t, we get Willie Scott. I’ll get to THAT broad when i review Temple of Doom. I got A LOT to say about that chick, man.

The action in this thing is brazen, dangerous, and appreciated. They don;t make movies like this anymore. Everything in here is practice, Every stung, fight, explosion, and set piece was done with physical, real life, stuff. You don't see this level of film making anymore because of all the CG effect proliferation which was, in part, championed by both Lucas and Spielberg. That sh*t is kind of hilarious to me. One of the greatest action films ever made, rife with practical effects, is directly responsible for the mitigation of the very thing that makes this movie so special.

Speaking of the direction, Spielberg is in fine form with this one. 80s Spielberg is hard to touch. He sh*tted classics during this decade, solidifying his place as one of the greats to ever do it. ET, Poltergeist (even though people say it’s Toby Hooper was the one who helmed it, Spielberg definitely ghost directed this thing), The Goonies as Second Unit Director, Empire of the Sun, The Color Purple, and Temple of Doom, all came out under his watch. Dude was prolific as f*ck.

The writing on this flick is decent. George Lucas understands how to craft a story. He has a formula and he follows that sh*t religiously but it works. He wrote Star Wars. He wrote Indiana Jones. He wrote American Graffiti. Dude knows his stuff and it really shows in Raiders. The characters feel real and actually pretty charming. I found myself rooting for Marion almost immediately, masterclass in character introduction.

The Good

I like the narrative crafted for this tale, the actual story. There are a lot of great ideas put forth, creative use of biblical imagery and christian mythology. I love that sh*t. It’s why i adore Dan Brown’s stuff so much. Say what you will about The DaVinci Code, i love that mess and it really is kind of a mess. This story is not. It get right to the point, focusing n the characters and their relationships rather than the actual Christ Judaeo-Christian imagery. In the 80s, that was absolutely necessary but i think it makes for a stronger, cleaner, narrative overall.

I rather enjoy this cast. Everyone is quite god in their respective roles, overall. I had no idea Alfred Molina was in this so that was a nice surprise. It’s always fun seeing people i know later in life, in the young, vibrant, beginnings of their careers. John Rhys-Davies was also fun to see. I know him from Sliders but seeing him in this was a real treat.

This movie is absolutely gorgeous. It’s definitely nature porn, even if most of it is sand and brown. The shot composition if this thing is spectacular. I was kind of impressed with how vivid this world looks even though there is so little of it shown. There is a ton of it show, yes, but most of it is in the desert or some sh*t. You can only see the same kinds of rocks so many times before you hate seeing those rocks. Raiders does a great job of shooting those rocks in interesting, dynamic ways, so the setting never overstays it’s welcome.

But them melting Nazis, tho.

The Bad

So, there really isn’t a whole lot of bad in this. Admittedly, Raiders is a near perfect film. I can concede that. But i still wasn’t really entertained by it. I still was gripped with what i saw. I don’t understand the allure of this franchise on a personal level. Objectively, sure, it’s fantastic. But, for me, this sh*t is boring.

Raiders feels like one, long ass, chase scene with spots of exposition before another, long ass, chase scene. The dialogue is charming, the chemistry between the leads is palpable, and the action is some of the best on film, but blergh. I was never captivated nor did i care about anyone in this film.

The Verdict

I don’t like this movie. Absolutely disconnected from it. I find it plodding, pretentious, and a little boring. I do understand why everyone who holds this film so dear, absolutely hates Crystal Skull. There is a distinct shift in tone between the two and it’s actually quite jarring. This is coming from someone who doesn’t even really like the franchise at all. It’s kind of surreal how alien that Indiana feels to this Indiana. That said, as a proper film critique, Raiders is f*cking phenomenal. Objectively, this is a near perfect example of a film in this genre. There is inspired direction, great performances, gorgeous scene composition, rich cinematography, and characters that have stood the test of time to become stalwarts of US culture. I mean, i knew exactly who Marion Ravenwood was when she was introduced in Crystal Skull and i had only seen Raiders once when i was, like, five or six. That tells you exactly how beloved this movie is within the cultural zeitgeist. Raiders f the Lost Ark is an absolutely great film. It is to the action genre as Alien is to sci-fi horror, and y’all know how high in regard i hold Alien. That’s not praise i heap flippantly. All four of these flicks are on Netflix so might check them all out eventually. Maybe. That said, personally, i do not like this movie at all. Still doesn’t do enough to shake my giant monster, space robot, neon cyberpunk sensibilities.

[dreamerology]

my biggest i love monsta x ever!!!!

no offence but if u had told me a year ago that these seven boys would have had this much of an impact on my life and not only that but i still love them as much now as i did on day one (maybe even more) i’d say u were lying. usually my interests come and go in phases and nothing has ever lasted as long as mx???? but i rly truly cannot imagine my life without them at this point. in fact, the 2-3 months at the very beginning of uni where i stopped having time for them and thought i was moving on were the worst of this year (ofc that wasn’t the only reason those months were hard, but feeling like i was falling out of love w mx hurt more than id care to admit). they’ve brought me so much happiness and connected me with so many amazing people and not 2 be cheesy but made me into a better person! like they just continue to have the biggest positive influence in my life and i got the opportunity to meet one of my best friends bc of them, i’ll forever be thankful for them

i know i havent been w mx since the beginnign but!!!! even just seeing shownu grow so much this year has made me sooooo happie!!!!!! i Love how u can just see he’s more comfortable now and seems a lot more at ease……..the fact that hes comfortable enough to host his own solo vlives and no offence but theres not a single thing i dont love abt that man! hes so fucking funny….like its sorta weird humor?? dad humor almost? BUT HES HONESTLY FUNNY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING hes just reached a point where he’s got no filter and will just say whatever and sometimes even the wording will make me laugh dkjfhkjsd the true underrated comedian of the group tbh. hes so selfless too bicht………….i still cant believe he split the money from his solo event w the other members My Heart :-((((((( and when hes on a solo schedule he’s always mentioning the others!!! nd doesnt let anyone forget abt them, they rly are one big family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO HIS SMILE is the cutest shit ive ever seen!!!!! like when he smiles rlllly big nd his eyes crinkle nd he :D and his big “ha ha ha” ,,,,music 2 my ears!!!!!!!! i wish he could be that happy forever. hes the biggest softest teddy bear i just wanna give him a giant hug???

fun fact wonho was the first member i knew abt nd was able to recognize nd such!! my friend who helped me get into mx talked abt him a lot so i grew to love him before i even knew the others!!! actually hes probably still the one i know the most abt bc of her? anyways! angels exist and wonho is living proof of that! his love for mbbs is on a whole other plane of existance???? ive never felt this loved nd appreciated as a fan before nd its all genuine!!!!!. wonho is a monbebebebe first and a monsta second. hes just so full of love….im convinced thats why hes so Large he needs to fit his heart in his body somehow...hes just got so much love to give!!!!!!! he is the most thoughtful and caring person??? like not even towards monbebes and his memebrs but like at the end of mxray when he made sure to buy all the staff and crew little gifts as well, my heart grew 3 sizes for him!!!!!! and im so soo soooooooooooooosososooo proud of him to have some of his songs on the albums this year and not only that but! from zero getting a stage on tv!!!!!! his song!!!! he did that!!!!!! his hard work paid off….i hope he continues to be able to produce more music this year! oh one last thing, i love how? childish he is??? idk if thats the right word but hes always teasing or changing or playing around w the other members and hes always being goofy and laughing and it just makes my heart!!!!! rly happy nd warm

what is there left 2 be said abt minhyuk that i havent already said yet jdfshkjdhf i just! Love Everything abt that boy :-((((((( i love his sunshiney positive personality that never fails to cheer me up, i love how caring he is and how he always makes sure to be there for his members and makes himself open for them, i love his uneven blink, i love how soft his voice is and how it sounds exactly how sunshine looks, i love his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign, i love his laugh and how silly he is, i love his thoughtful and serious side, i love how smart he is, i love his toothy smile, i love when hes on stage and he looks so radiant and glowing and u can see how happy he is and how he was truly built to shine, i love his ears, i love how affectionate and loving he is, i love his one (1) dimple, i love how sometimes he just says the weirdest shit…...like i rly wanna understand what hes thinking sometimes, i love how cute he looks wearing hats or how soft he looks in giant sweaters, i love him sooooooo much my heart hurts

can u believe i didn’t used to love kihyun this much? past me was a whole fool! i’ll try to keep this one sorta short too since i’ve already written a love essay for him but! once again i rly do love him w my whole heart!!!!!! absolutely Everything he does is so endearing and i loooove how he cares so much….he rly went and made us our own season's greeting for free nd his photography is rly No Joke! hes so talented nd u can rly see how passionate he is abt it!!!!! it makes me so so happy seeing him talk abt it, like he just lights up its the best thing ive ever seen. i Love his smile!!!! when his face scrunches up and u can see the little dimples on his cheeks and see all his teeth and he laughs and throws his head back or hits whoever’s closest to him or just collapses thats Good Shit!!!!!!!! im so glad he’s happy enough to be able to smile like that!!!!!!! it makes my heart tingle thinking abt him being happy. he rly is the cutest, i love him nd all his beauty marks :D !! nd no offense but hes never had a bad hair colour/style nd thats the tea on that!

chae hyungwon 2018’s lord nd saviour????????? anyways its about Damn Time i write him a love essay :-((((( having both best friends being hyungwon biased ive secretly been converted 2 a whole chaebebe….their love rubbed off on me!!! i love it :D idk where to start...gosh hes seriously so hardworking????? im soooooo so soo so proud of him!!! icb he picked up djing as a hobby nd then made it to a big festival, is on mix and the city and has released not one but two (2) songs only months later!!!!!!!!! we love a talented man!!!!!!! nd his dancing bichksjdfhsdj hes so fluid nd smooth when he dances…...i always find myself watching him first in group practices like there something rly captivating abt him?? please let him show us more of his dancing its So Good. also hes got the nicest voice…...its so deep wtf...but like its So Calming 2 listen to? especially when hes sleepy nd its extra raspy? Good Shit! and when he sings!!!!!!!! bicshjkdfhksdhj hes got one of my fave vocal voices i rly wish he got the lines he deserves :((( hes! So! Cute! jfhsdjfhs he gets embarrassed so easily and always makes the goofiest faces but i love it….he covers his smile sometimes too :-((( i wish he wouldnt its So Bright nd cute nd warm just like he is!!!! hyungwon’s smile is the 8th wonder of the world thats just the facts folks!

mister jooheon……….the true example of the duality of man. i dont understand how he can go from his scaredy cat self to and Actual God,,,blows my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve said this at least a hundred times but his stage presence is truly Unreal……..its on a whole other level…….ive never seen them live but if i ever do i fear for my life. nd i know once it’s over im only gonna know one (1) man and that man is lee jooheon. but at the same time hes rly The Cutest id trust him w my life???? his eyes are so warm!!!!!! And his Big Smile!!!!!!!!!!! his dimples? deeper than the marianas trench, i wanna build my home in them nd raise my family there. hes such a talented dude!!!! mx don’t have a single bad song thenks jooheon! also for the first couple months i’d alway forget he was one of the youngest? like hes very mature too nd seems very responsible djfhkjsdhfjsd idk how he was the only one 2 be able to keep it together during their first win 2 give the speech…..hes so strong. i love him so much :-( hes so cute nd gentle nd thoughtful...truly the biggest angel who deserves the world!!!!!!!!!!

i think if there's any member i would actually get along best w it would b changkyun. we’re both rly similar from what i can tell...like sorta quiet, but loud around those we’re comfortable with!!! first off hes so funny nd…..weird but like in a good way sdjfhksdjhf sometimes i rly just think he says the first thing that comes to his mind “actually we have a baby” ????? who let him \…..he always makes me laugh reading his fansign notes too omg that being said hes also one of the most serious members at times i feel like. hes just got this rly mature vibe nd he handles things rly well??? idk if that makes sense but Yeah. he’s just someone who’s not rly afraid 2 be themselves, i wish that were me??? ive got so much to learn from them. also icb he literally invented being cute???? he doesn't even have 2 try hes just adorable!!!!!! like his laugh nd smile? The Best!!!!! and when u can see his lil dimples yeahhhhh hes sooo super sweet and cheesy. i looooove how close hes gotten w the other members despite their rough start, they rly are a family nd im glad hes comfortable around them it rly warms my heart!!!!! whenever hes getting showered in love my heart !!!!!!! its what he deserves!

on that note, the one thing i think that has stayed with me more than anything is that one fansign note where ck was asked how he wants to be remembered in the future, when they only occasionally thought abt him and his answer was “that i gave you happiness” and not 2 b a sentimental shit but fuck! i cry every time i think abt that!!!!!!! bc i Know there’s gonna come a day where i don’t think abt them at all! there’s gonna be a day where i won’t think abt them until i see something that jogs my memory and jolts me back to this time and even tho this year has been rough i know i always will remember how much happiness they’ve brought me. i’ll remember how they were able to cheer me up when nothing else worked. i hope one day i’ll be able to feel the Pure Joy i felt when they got their first win….i’ve never felt anything like that before. i cant wait to be able to look back in nostalgia at all the happiness they’ve brought me.

anyways that got real sappy towards the end i gotta blast now bye!

[smokeybrandcompositions]

Nope

So, story time. Sprint is the worst place i have ever worked. It's not the hardest place or the most employee unfriendly, but it is the worst. I started there way back in 06? I think it was 06. Maybe 05? It was before i moved to Arizona. In fact, i think it was that job that funded my trip. I'm not going to get into the assholes i worked with there, that's a story for a different day. No, today, we are going to talk about why i keep getting settlement checks from these assholes some, what is this? 14 years after i quit.

I was originally hired by Nextel. For those of you who are ghetto inclined, that's the "chirp". Look, the "chirp" is stupid, especially when there was voice dial and speaker but dummies think it's cool so whatever, right? Nextel got bought out by sprint a pay period after my paperwork went through so my store became a prototype store for the “new” company, Sprint Nextel. We were the first to do the whole Sprint on one side, Nextel on the other. It was dumb. Our clientele was dumb. If you've ever worked at a Gamestop, you get these cats that come through in august screaming at the top of their lungs, "Yall got dat Madden?" Of course we do, asshole. We're Gamestop. I had cats doing that but instead of Madden, it was the "chirp". " Yall got dat chirp?" Of course we do, asshole, this is a Nextel store. Or rather, Sprint Nextel at the time.

So i got hired under Nextel terms, which were hilariously more generous than Sprint. More on that later. When the merger happened, they tried to downgrade me but f*ck all of that. I mean, they DID downgrade me and tried to act like they didn't but i had gotten a check stub from Nextel beforehand and could do basic math. A few litigious threats later, and i got to keep my given wage or, more accurately, returned to me. It took months but i ended up getting a check for my back wages and sh*t, too. That was ONE settlement. It was, like, 1700 or some sh*t.

The next check came a few years later, like, four. Apparently, Sprint decided not to cash out for sick leave of vacation. They just decided not to do that. We were accumulating it, just not getting it cashed out or some sh*t. I didn't take sick leave or even know about the vacation thing because i was just shy of full time. I got like, 31.5 hours a week or some sh*t. In California, you need 32 to be considered full time and 32 gets you full benefits. Sprint was like, nah bro. Since i was "part-time" i didn't think i qualified for any of that stuff. Apparently i did! I found all of this out after the fact because, again, never took the stuff. I should have gotten cashed off when i quit with all the accumulated vacation and/or sick leave hours but nope! Sprint just didn't do that. So one day, i get a check for that. I think that one was 800 or 900. Shenanigans, right?

This next one came about a year later. This one was for the fact that they didn't pay overtime! N*ggas WORKED the OT, they just didn't get PAID for the OT! I, personally, never worked the OT. I didn't give a sh*t enough about that gig to do any of it. For the responsibilities that i had been given, i was grossly underpaid. I wasn't doing anything extra and, to be real honest, what i was supposed to do, i purposely did poorly. Like, I half-assed everything. Seriously, they wanted me to get new subscriptions. Bare minimum. But i sold the hell out of accessories because i got a tangible commission on that sh*t. More on that later. So, apparently, it was pretty common to work 60 hours a week in our district. I wouldn't know, my "manager" never gave me more than 31.5 so whatever, right? His name was Moises. We called him "Moist-ass". To his face. Repeatedly. In front of customers. And his f*cking wife. F*ck Moist-ass. Still got a check, tho! 700 bucks that time!

So i mentioned i fought to get my Nextel wage earlier, right? Yeah, apparently, that Sprint wage was higher and they lied about it to all of the merger employees.I was under the assumption i should have been making one thing, b*tched about it to keep that wage, when the whole goddamn time i was supposed to be making a substantial amount more an hour! Like, we had to go to Sprint corporate to fill out paperwork and literal executives were lying through their teeth to me about how much i was supposed to get paid. Apparently, the loot they didn’t give us, went directly into their pockets as bonuses or some sh*t. That was in the merger deal! We employees didn't know sh*t about any of that! Terms weren't disclosed so, to my surprise, about three years after that 700 dollar check, i got one for, like, 500! I don't really know the details on that one. I just know i got another check out of the blue.

Today i get the mail, and there's ANOTHER settlement check. I don't even know what this one is for. I think it's for commissions because i heard there was a soft cap on your dollar amount and anything over that, you didn't get paid for. I imagine they treated it like they did the pay differential and just pocketed the loot. MY loot. And you KNOW i sold my ass off for them delicious commission dollars! I sometimes doubled my check with all the bulllsh*t i convinced people to buy at point of sale. I could sell water to a whale, real talk! I just didn’t get paid for it apparently.

So, yeah, Sprint just stole from us, every chance they got. And they got got, every chance they got. And they’ve been paying for it for years. You’d think after the first million dollar settlement, they’d have learned a lesson. Nope! But it’s cool. I’ll keep cashing their checks when they come. It’s long overdue.

[areswriting]

a x e : iii

“Abram, did you hear me?”

Elise’s voice shakes with a second and third apology, but I keep my head down, hands folded tightly beneath my chin. Hockey practice and a four mile run did nothing to tame the beast inside me, so willing to rear its ugly head, so hard to contain. I don’t know what might crawl out of me if I speak to her, much less look at her.

“Abram, you can’t be mad at me over this,” Elise continues, her voice straining further. “We’re friends, right? Please, accept my apology. I didn’t mean it.”

Heart racing, I slide out of my seat and head for the door.

“Abram? Where are you going? Mrs. Pierce is trusting us not to leave!” The click of Elise’s heels on the tile lets me know she’s following me—as a warning to turn away, I push the door open with so much force that it hits the outside wall with a loud thud.

“Abram!” Elise shouts, and I feel her cold, bony hand snatch my forearm. She tries to urge me to face her just as I pull myself out of her graveyard of a grasp.

“You really need to leave me alone, Elise,” I say, stepping toward her.

Instinctively, she steps away—her back against a row of pale green lockers.

“I said I’m sorry,” she says. “Why can’t you just get over it? And not once have you said sorry to me, by the way.” She moves, as if she’s going to walk away, as if she’s going to get the last word, as if she’s going to add another insult to injury. “Strays can’t learn new tricks, can they?”

I shove my hands against the lockers, trapping her there.

“There you go again,” I say, slapping the ball of my right hand against a locker door. The whole thing moves and clatters. “What the hell do you want from me? One minute you declare our friendship and the next I’m just a stray with a fat girlfriend? Fuck that!” I shout the last words and hit the locker again, only this time with my fist. I feel my scars opening up, the blood trickling down my knuckles. But the ache in my chest is gone.

“I’m so goddamn tired of people like you—fucking manipulative and cruel people who only care about you when it’s convenient for them. I have enough of that in my life, I don’t want it from you. Do you hear me, Elise?” I move in closer and shout, “Do you hear me?” as I let my first slam into the locker again; this time it hits dangerously close to the left side of her head.

The blind rage fades and the look of complete terror on her face anchors me to the ground. I swear I think she’s shaking—and so am I. Half from anger, half from fear. What did I just do? I look at her closely—and I feel a weight lift off of my shoulders that there is no blood on her face. I had gone so mad with anger that I wasn’t fully aware of what I had just done until it was over. Bile rises in my throat and I turn away from her, ashamed that I allowed my father to root himself into me so deeply that he can come out whenever he wants.

△ ▼ △ ▼

I feel myself hyperventilating as I wash the blood from my hands; Crimson swirling down the sink—forever staining the bright white porcelain. I look at myself in the mirror and I see my mother looking back at me. With sad blue eyes and lips pinched into a thin line of disappointment, because my mother knew nothing of anger—and I greet it like an old friend.

I fling the water from my hands and look at the bathroom counter; a green pill bottle sits close to the sink from all of the times I considered taking them, but never have. The urge to take one rises and I run my fingers through my hair in thought.

A heart beat later, my phone buzzes from my pocket.

S: Kai?

I sink to the floor and stare at the screen of my phone, knees pulled against my chest.

K: Sylvia, I did something bad.

S: What happened?

K: I let my anger get the better of me and I scared not only myself, but someone else, too. A girl at my new school, she’s been pretty awful to me Syl. We got into an argument and I think I blacked out. I thought I hit her. I didn’t, I hit a locker but when I came out of it, I thought I did. I’m really scared. I’m not like this.

S: I know you’re not. Maybe she deserved it, then. Girls at that school can be terrible.

K: No one deserves that, Syl.

S: And you don’t deserve to be treated so poorly.

K: Who do you know here?

S: No one worth wasting time talking about. I’ll text you in the morning, I’m really tired.

K: Me too. I love you, Sylvia.

Hours later, I find the strength to pick myself up from the bathroom floor, but only enough to get me to my bed. I scroll through my call log—September, August, July, June…

Mom

↱ Mobile (617-555-0832) 5:52pm

My thumb hovers over the last time I called my mother—the last day that she was alive. With a deep breath, I tap the screen, and a picture of us smiling together pops up, and the line begins to trill. Once, twice…

“Hey, you’ve reached Emilia Dyer. I can’t take your call right now, but if you leave your name and number I’ll call you back! Thanks.”

The phone beeps and I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Maman, je ... Tu me manques vraiment en ce moment et, euh, j'avais besoin d'entendre ta voix ... Je t'aime.”

I choke back tears as I end the call, sending a voice message no one will ever hear.

△ ▼ △ ▼

I skate into a sea of white and green jerseys—usually a tactic to troll your opponent; but for me, at this game, it was like going home. I take my helmet off and tuck my stick under my arm. The Boston Bear’s goalie is the farthest away, but the first to notice me.

“Holy shit! Dyer?!” Brody hollers.

Everyone on their end of the ice turns to look at me—and before I know it I’m being knocked to the ground by almost off of my old teammates. Eventually, the dog pile ends and Brody helps me to my feet, his Cheshire-cat smile fully exposed as he pulls me in for a hug. I know we look like a couple being reunited—because everyone always thought we were. Some things never change, not even after months of absence.

“I can’t believe you go to this preppy bullshit school,” he

says. “At least they have a decent hockey program.”  

“Yeah,” adds Blake, who gives me a playful push. “Have you  grown a vagina yet?”

I laugh. “Not yet, but I think all of them have,” I say, using  my stick to point at the yellow and purple jerseys behind me.

“I miss you guys.”  

“Bro, we miss you, too,” says Blake. “Hey, no matter who wins or loses this one��we’re partying after.”

I nod and put my helmet back on before skating back to the right side of the ice for warm-ups. It’s bittersweet seeing my old teammates like this—and if it wasn’t for my competitive nature, I would throw the game so that they would win.  

Instead I play my heart out and focus on not passing the puck

to the wrong team. Their last names

printed bold and green are too familiar and I try not to fall into old habits.

I see the name ROSE on a yellow jersey and slap the puck to

him—mostly because he is the only person who is open. He is

able to get his stick on it and  slide it past Brody’s knee and

into the net. Everyone on the team gathers to celebrate his

goal and my assist—only I’m the odd man out, and  I get a

single pat on the helmet from a kid named Sebastian.  

I try to shake it off and continue to focus on winning the

game—which is tied 1-1. There’s no luck in the third period,

or the five minute overtime—so the game goes into a

shootout. A Bears forward goes first, but Tucker denies them.

Then Jason is up for us,  but he shoots right into Brody’s

glove.

Coach taps me on the shoulder and urges me onto the ice. I

skate to center ice and let the puck

dance from the end of my stick. The advantage I have on Brody is knowing all of his weak spots.

The advantage he has on me is knowing the move I always go for. It all comes down to speed. Can

he block me faster than I can get the puck over his shoulder?

No.

The buzzer sounds and the crowd cheers. I don’t even try to

celebrate with the guys in yellow. Instead I leave the ice

entirely.

△ ▼ △ ▼

S: How did your game go?

K: We won in a shootout! Bittersweet, tho. I played my old school. Upside is now we’re partying together.

S: Awesome. Don’t get too drunk and kiss other girls.

K: Baby, you’re the only person I want to kiss.

I put my phone back into my pocket and finish my beer. I thought I felt at home with them on the ice—but now I feel like I’m really at home. Their Coach rented the biggest cabin I’ve ever seen, and it reminded me so much of my aunt and my mother. Though there were a few things out of place—like drunk girls drowning in Chanel, and the random dude-bro here and there from Middlebury Academy. Though, they were like me. The rich bastard children of the school.

“Abram!” a shrill voice says. I look across the room to see Sophie waving her arm wildly at me. Thought I’m more concerned about who she has standing beside her. Elise.  

“You have a fan club?” asks Brody, who is sat beside me on the kitchen counter. “And you go by Abram now? What the f***, Kai?”

“Who is Kai, and where is my drink?” Sophie says, flinging her hair over her shoulder.

Brody grabs a bottle of Miller High Life and offers it to her. “This,” he inclines his head toward me, “is Kai. Who is your friend?” he asks, looking at Elise.

“Um, hello,” Sophie holds her hands up. “Acrylics. I can’t open that.” She looks at me after shoving the beer away. I notice Brody roll his eyes as he pops the cap off. “So you used to be called Kai? How is that a nick-name for Abram?”

“It isn’t,” I say. “Malachi is my middle name. I used to go by Kai,” I explain, and I pick up a bottle of beer and hold it out for Elise. “Brody, this is Elise, Elise, Brody.”

Brody flashes a smile at her. “Wow, Kai, things sure have changed for you, huh?” he jabs his elbow into my side and laughs.

“I’m surprised to see either of you here,” I say, mostly speaking to Elise. “I didn’t think that this was your type of scene.”

“Well, it isn’t the Ritz, but Elise here saw your Instagram story and you guys looked like you were having so much fun,” Sophie shrugs. “Plus, your Snapchap is geotagged. So we knew exactly where to find you.”

“That’s not fucking creepy or anything,” Brody whispers. I snort.

“So, Abram, you want to go somewhere quiet?” asks Sophie.

“Actually,” I clear my throat. “I need to talk to Elise about something.” I rub my fingers over my raw knuckles and swallow hard. “Come outside with me?”

I can see the hesitation from her body language but she nods, and I hop off of the counter. I lead Elise to the backdoor of the cabin, which opens up onto a huge wrap-around deck that overlooks the lake. I let her out first then shut the door behind us.

“We can go down to the bonfire if you want,” I say, gesturing to the stairs. “It is sort of cold.”

This time she takes charge and I follow behind her down the wooden stairs and onto grass. She takes a seat by the fire, and I sit far enough away from her to show that I’m not a threat.

“I want to tell you something,” I say, glancing from her to the fire. “Something I haven’t told anyone. Well, no one here.” I take a swallow of a fresh beer and run my hand down the side of my face. “Back in June, um, my mom died. Car accident,” I explain. “I was driving when someone came into our lane and hit us head on.”

I let out a shaky breath, the words burn as they come out, and I look at Elise. “She was everything to me, the only family I had, my best friend. And, uh. She’s gone…and now I’m here, where I don’t belong, forced to live with a man who has never claimed me as his own, and I know he never will. And, I’ve come to terms with that—or I thought I did. I don’t know. But what I do know, is that ever since I lost her, my world hasn’t been right. I haven’t been right.”

I turn to face her and I feel tears well in my eyes—I think she can see them pooling, but I don’t let them fall. I let them dry, like the back of my throat. “Sorry can’t fix what I did the other day, and I’m not using anything as an excuse—it’s just, I have no one, not really. I am a stray. And you insulted the one constant person in my life. And it hurt me, because I know how much it would hurt her if someone said something like that to her.”

“But even sometimes, I don’t have her,” I go on, and I am not sure why I am still talking about Sylvia. I sigh and shake my head. “I’m lonely, Elise. And you—you were the first person who gave me the time of day here—and yes you hurt me, but that doesn’t change anything. We have a connection, and…I think we need each other.” I lick my lips and scoot a little closer. “I can forgive you, but can you forgive me?”  

[smokeybrand]

Nope

So, story time. Sprint is the worst place i have ever worked. It's not the hardest place or the most employee unfriendly, but it is the worst. I started there way back in 06? I think it was 06. Maybe 05? It was before i moved to Arizona. In fact, i think it was that job that funded my trip. I'm not going to get into the assholes i worked with there, that's a story for a different day. No, today, we are going to talk about why i keep getting settlement checks from these assholes some, what is this? 14 years after i quit.

I was originally hired by Nextel. For those of you who are ghetto inclined, that's the "chirp". Look, the "chirp" is stupid, especially when there was voice dial and speaker but dummies think it's cool so whatever, right? Nextel got bought out by sprint a pay period after my paperwork went through so my store became a prototype store for the “new” company, Sprint Nextel. We were the first to do the whole Sprint on one side, Nextel on the other. It was dumb. Our clientele was dumb. If you've ever worked at a Gamestop, you get these cats that come through in august screaming at the top of their lungs, "Yall got dat Madden?" Of course we do, asshole. We're Gamestop. I had cats doing that but instead of Madden, it was the "chirp". " Yall got dat chirp?" Of course we do, asshole, this is a Nextel store. Or rather, Sprint Nextel at the time.

So i got hired under Nextel terms, which were hilariously more generous than Sprint. More on that later. When the merger happened, they tried to downgrade me but f*ck all of that. I mean, they DID downgrade me and tried to act like they didn't but i had gotten a check stub from Nextel beforehand and could do basic math. A few litigious threats later, and i got to keep my given wage or, more accurately, returned to me. It took months but i ended up getting a check for my back wages and sh*t, too. That was ONE settlement. It was, like, 1700 or some sh*t.

The next check came a few years later, like, four. Apparently, Sprint decided not to cash out for sick leave of vacation. They just decided not to do that. We were accumulating it, just not getting it cashed out or some sh*t. I didn't take sick leave or even know about the vacation thing because i was just shy of full time. I got like, 31.5 hours a week or some sh*t. In California, you need 32 to be considered full time and 32 gets you full benefits. Sprint was like, nah bro. Since i was "part-time" i didn't think i qualified for any of that stuff. Apparently i did! I found all of this out after the fact because, again, never took the stuff. I should have gotten cashed off when i quit with all the accumulated vacation and/or sick leave hours but nope! Sprint just didn't do that. So one day, i get a check for that. I think that one was 800 or 900. Shenanigans, right?

This next one came about a year later. This one was for the fact that they didn't pay overtime! N*ggas WORKED the OT, they just didn't get PAID for the OT! I, personally, never worked the OT. I didn't give a sh*t enough about that gig to do any of it. For the responsibilities that i had been given, i was grossly underpaid. I wasn't doing anything extra and, to be real honest, what i was supposed to do, i purposely did poorly. Like, I half-assed everything. Seriously, they wanted me to get new subscriptions. Bare minimum. But i sold the hell out of accessories because i got a tangible commission on that sh*t. More on that later. So, apparently, it was pretty common to work 60 hours a week in our district. I wouldn't know, my "manager" never gave me more than 31.5 so whatever, right? His name was Moises. We called him "Moist-ass". To his face. Repeatedly. In front of customers. And his f*cking wife. F*ck Moist-ass. Still got a check, tho! 700 bucks that time!

So i mentioned i fought to get my Nextel wage earlier, right? Yeah, apparently, that Sprint wage was higher and they lied about it to all of the merger employees.I was under the assumption i should have been making one thing, b*tched about it to keep that wage, when the whole goddamn time i was supposed to be making a substantial amount more an hour! Like, we had to go to Sprint corporate to fill out paperwork and literal executives were lying through their teeth to me about how much i was supposed to get paid. Apparently, the loot they didn’t give us, went directly into their pockets as bonuses or some sh*t. That was in the merger deal! We employees didn't know sh*t about any of that! Terms weren't disclosed so, to my surprise, about three years after that 700 dollar check, i got one for, like, 500! I don't really know the details on that one. I just know i got another check out of the blue.

Today i get the mail, and there's ANOTHER settlement check. I don't even know what this one is for. I think it's for commissions because i heard there was a soft cap on your dollar amount and anything over that, you didn't get paid for. I imagine they treated it like they did the pay differential and just pocketed the loot. MY loot. And you KNOW i sold my ass off for them delicious commission dollars! I sometimes doubled my check with all the bulllsh*t i convinced people to buy at point of sale. I could sell water to a whale, real talk! I just didn’t get paid for it apparently.

So, yeah, Sprint just stole from us, every chance they got. And they got got, every chance they got. And they’ve been paying for it for years. You’d think after the first million dollar settlement, they’d have learned a lesson. Nope! But it’s cool. I’ll keep cashing their checks when they come. It’s long overdue.