#i’ll always choose the dialogue options that piss him off yep yep

[spidehpig]

sexually harassing the devil

[willow-salix]

This is going to be out of the blue and there's no need for a response to it, but I guess I feel like some of you deserve to get a peek behind my armour.

Facebook just gave me a memory from 7 years ago, showing me an album that I'd rather not see quite honestly, but you know when you're just drawn in even though you know it's against your better judgement? Yep, that was me just now.

The album is full of screenshots of the absolute shit ton of crap that I've had on the Internet over the years.

I was in the RP world for ten years, and in that time I was verbally and mentally attacked a lot, I was mentally abused, I was stalked, I was blamed for things I never did, I was used as a scapegoat for things I never did. I was the victim of unwarranted attacks that had my accounts deleted by fb so that I lost YEARS of writing.

I got my heart broken over and over again by people that claimed tk be my friends, people that claimed to love me but that were all too happy to dump me the second a better option came along. People that I sat up all night with, that I lost sleep over, that I went out of my way to help and support.

Some of them lied to me so throughly that they lied about who they were, where they lived, their job, their gender, their nationality, what other characters /accounts they had and everything else you could think of for over TWO years.

I've had one that claimed to be my best friend, sit on my couch, my actual couch, in my house and lie to my face. Lie to me and his long term partner and mother of his three kids that he wasnt cheating with a cheap bitch he met online (the third person he'd done it with I found out after) I only found out about her when she messaged me to tell me.

I stopped talking to him, after their friends started a smear campaign against me, and even then EVEN THEN, I talked it out and started talking to him again. But he turned it around and started blaming me and guilt tripping me again. So I cut him off. He stalked me. Like messaging my friend, posting things to me (actual letters through the mail) making new accounts to message me, buying new phone sims to call me. This was 6 years ago. He called me at the start of lockdown and left a message on my voicemail.

This man mentally abused me. He'd force me to talk to him when I had a problem and then he'd not like what I said, so he'd go silent and ignore me for up to three days, to the point that I'd worked myself up so much that I was apologising, that I was taking the blame for having feelings, only when he got that would he talk to me.

He was an alcoholic who worked in care if you can believe that, I supported him through him getting sober again, he still did all that to me.

I gave up on role play and let my character, my home, the one place I felt comfortable and safe, up. And I didn't go back for two years. I got talked around by someone, they made promises, I stupidly fell for it.

I then got used to bring their character back and to help them sort out storylines. I was then told they didn't want to work with me anymore because they had too much going on in their personal life, they blocked me and I then got screenshots that that had another writing partner already.

That broke me. That broke me and fandom and people and everything really.

I vowed never to go back.

Then I stumbled upon you lot. And I told myself not to get involved, not to start talking to anyone, not to start trusting again. Now look! Now bloody look!

I'm what... 500k + in a story that was never meant to be, I'm actually writing and collabing with people again and I have a character that I adore and feel just as comfortable with... And that is fucking scary.

It's sooooo scary. Like terrifying scary to me.

Because I'm having to trust again. Selene is like public property now, and I love how much everyone has accepted and adopted her and how they use her and write her too, that warms this cold, dead, suspicious heart of mine.

Because I can honestly say that Selene and John saved me and my sanity.

I am quite a sociable person, I love to chat to people and if I'm your friend I will go out of my way to do my best for you, to be there for you and to support you in every way I can. But I know I can be used and I dotn always see the bad in people. So I cut myself off and refused to allow myself to make friends again.

I was writing my novels and that was it. No interaction, no fun really. Then this loud mouthed witch blazed into my head, took one look at the spaceman and said "that one, he's mine, wrap him up I'll take him to go" and here she is.

They made writing fun again, they made it spontaneous and exciting, I suddenly had ideas again, people to talk to about the characters I love and it was hard. Because it was also good.

I had to trust the process, trust Selene.

But I'm also so wary. I'm wary that I'm gonna piss people off, that I'm going to annoy people with her and that people hate her. I know people don't like OCs' and I get major anxiety about that.

I've never had this amount of anxiety over stories before, never. Not my rp, not my novels, not the ones I did for class or competitions, nothing. This is singularly the most stressful writing I've ever done. Because these boys, they mean the world to me, they always have. They have always been my happy place since I was 5/6, they have always been my heart and home.

The problems I had in rp made me not like the books that I loved, the fandom I was in, because of peoples interpretations of the characters, the way they played them and the fact that they were so nasty to me. And I really really don't want that to happen here.

A few weeks ago I noticed that an account had bene set up that was clearly a piss take of me, of this account. And all the old fears and anxiety came rushing back. I instantly went running to Squiddy and Olliepig and basically tumbled around the group chat in a mess for a few minutes before I calmed down and realised what was going on and had a guess at who it could be.

But it's scary. Because I've been stalked, I've been badmouthed, I've had people make fake accounts of me to cause trouble, and it weighs on me.

Willow Salix is my author name, I had to choose that because my Pagan name (which I was writing under and still do on ff and a03) was too well known and my stalkers were reporting it every time I made a new account.

I had to come to love this name, come to see it as myself (willow is my actual real name btw) and feel comfortable with it. It's taken a long time, I've built my brand from it. I have five novels out under it. And to think of someone having an account with even a parody of that name gave me all sorts of chills.

I'm OK now, but yeah. Fun times.

So I guess... I just want people to talk to me. And I don't mean shine by ego lol, I mean that if I ever do anything to piss you off. If I ever say anything you don't like. If I ever annoy you with Selene or anything at all, PLEASE just come and talk to me.

I might put on a tough mask, and in general I am pretty hardy, but I'm a typical cancerian, hard outer shell, squishy inside.

Selene is my sanity in a home life that is far from easy, I won't go into major details but disabled husband, I'm a full time carer, he's majorly depressed and it's just... Yeah. Anyway, she's my refuge, she's my escape right now.

Actually making a side blog for her took so much guts, to allow her free rein to speak and act is scary as heck for me. Because I've been there and vowed to never go back.

The only good thing I took out of all my years of rp, apart from being able to make up a story pretty much on the spot, spontaneous replies, dialogue skills and character development, is my best friend in all the world @endellionaeternus who has seen it all and stuck by me through it all.

I have no real idea why I just typed all this, I guess I needed people to see where I'm coming from, and why Selene exists.

Yeah...

[acourtesanofedgewater]

Open Heart 3 Ch. 8 SPOILERS for Bryce/Raf/Jackie Stans

I know I'm one day late. Blame PB for releasing the scripts so late. Why they even did that? Idk. It's not like this chapter is good.

Oh, here we are again. Honestly guys? I'm pissed off lmao. And you will be too when you're done reading this. But enough talking, let's begin. Beware, spoilers below the cut

Let's start with Bryce

•He DOES make an appearance this chapter AND has a diamond scene. Should we celebrate? Nah. It seems the only options with characters who-are-not-Ethan in this book are not having appearances at all or having mediocre little plots when they do appear. He makes his cameo at the begging. He's in the lobby with a friend of his, who's sick and wants Bryce to operate on him but Bryce seems reluctant to do so because it's a dangerous surgery. Does it have anything to do with his failed surgery? We won't find out, because instead of his premium scene being about... idk, having a coffee while he tells us about the consequences of his mistakes (not only at work, but also mentally), it is about... visiting a Escape Room with him and his friend? Um, ok. Should I mention that Bryce's pal call MC his 'friend' twice? Yep, PB still refuses to acknowledge MC's relationship with Bryce, even though they've been together for two years and shared a tender moment when MC was about to die. When I was reading the scene, I was like "uuugh, let me guess? we get this corny funny scene and near the ending Bryce and MC find a hideout to make out". Turns out I was wrong lmao. I expect nothing and I'm still let down. They just share a little kiss I front of Bryce's friend when they are leaving the Escape Room. It is mentioned they all are gonna have dinner after this, but we don't get to see that because that would mean PB has to actually write interesting dialogue and develop Bryce and that's sacrilege.

Ok, Jackie's turn.

•She doesn't show up in this chapter. She's not even mentioned. Silly us, Jackie already had her crumbs of development last chapter, there's no need to give her more screentime this chapter lmao. Not when that screentime can be used developing Ethan.

And lastly, Raf.

•He turns up too, but it's a situation similar to Bryce's. He's rehabilitating a little boy who's sad because he will miss his birthday, so enter the bonus scene where MC has the idea of recruiting Sienna too and organizing a surprise party for the kid in the Pediatric Ward. It's actually a cute scene, and spending time with Sienna is always good, but that's the problem. The scene is about the little boy, zero Raf development or plot, and I even feel he wasn't even needed here. We know Sienna visits the PW every once in a while so they could've made her be the one who came to us with the little kid situation and everything would have turned out to be the same, except for some dialogues. Then, near the end, Raf and MC share some flirting words and a little kiss, but everything is in front of the kids, so it's over pretty quick.

And... that's it for our LIs. It sucks, but it's not the worst thing abour this chapter. I'm gonna leave some spoilers of the general plot here below so you can be as angry as me.

•MC confronts Ethan about the trial thing. You can choose to go soft on him or be outraged and point out he's a piece of shit. I recommend the second option. Anyway, if you end up agreeing with him about his decision, he says something like: "I knew you'd understand me, you care about these patients as much as I do" which, for me, given the fact he's older than MC and their boss (and being a victim of grooming myself by someone older than me and that was kinda in a position of power above me too) IS FUCKING GROOMING. If you had any doubts the lead of this book is a creep.

•Yadda yadda, we get Bryce and Raf's mediocre scenes, and back to the main plot, MC and Tobias have to diagnose a patient together. The patient is the most annoying character on this series, only below Ethan. Seriously, she's worse than that Nigel guy from Book 1 who called Bryce "Ken doll". Tobias is kinda shady with her (but... light and funny shady. He's never mean or anything) and we're supposed to be like "ugh, Tobias is the worst" but the patient is annoying so yeah, I loved Tobias' actitude.

•There were lots of Tobias moments this chapter, and he's honestly really nice. I hope we can keep him in Edenbrook. We could even kick Ethan's ass out in order to raise his salary❤.

•Ok, and now the cherry on top of a shitty chapter. Do y'all remember how we were afraid PB was gonna make Harper MC's rival? It seemed like they had dropped that plot and we were safe... but it turns out they haven't. Harper finds out our patient has cheated their way into the trial and while Tobias and MC are bonding in the DT' office, she comes in furious as hell, and starts blaming the MC and insulting them, assuming they're the one who did the trial thing. Harper' screams are so loud that Ramsey, who was in the hall, listens and comes in running. Harper explains what "MC" did and we have three options: blame Ethan, insist we're not guilty but not blame Ethan, and ignore the accusations. Either way, Harper keeps on with the accusations (she's even more enraged if you blame Ethan)

•Ethan lets her mop the floor with MC a bit more before stopping her and admitting he's the one who cheated. Harper is shocked and Ramsey HAS THE AUDACITY of angrily leave the office. He really thinks he's the one who should be outraged in this situation. He's the most childish character PB has ever created. (Props to Tobias for being the only decent character in this situation, asking Harper to calm down because she couldn't know for sure it MC was to blame in this situation).

•MC runs after him. And sure, irl I'd run after him too, but to confront him and complain about all the mess his shitty behavior has caused (or, how we say in my country, putearlo. I wanna clarify to my fellow Latinoamericans, "putear" has a different meaning in Ecuador than in the rest of Latam lmao for us is similar to "mandar a la verga" JAJSJAJAJSK). But no, MC fucking goes to see if he's alright. And cue to the most ridiculous scene in this series:

•Okay, I know we all made fun of the BDSM outfits when the assets came out, and yeah, they're cringey af, but I was curious to see how the story would develop towards these outfits. Everyone guessed they meant kinky time with out LIs. Wrong again. Ethan is so mad about... well, idk why he's so mad, he's just facing the consequences of his actions, but anyway, he needs to release that frustration and that's when we're offered the kinky outfit. Yep, the kinky scene is Ethan-exclusive. It was so fucking easy to include the other LIs in this. Bryce could be frustrated because he's not the same after his failed surgery, Jackie because she has to lead the interns and Jade keeps screwing up, and Raf... well, he should be mad because PB tried to kill him and then decided not to but kept sidelining him and can't even give him a decent storyline could be frustrated because it's exhausting to try to help the patients when they make little progress and become disappointed. PB just was lazy and didn't care.

•Don't ask me about the BDSM scene, nothing in this world will make me read a sex scene with Ethan. I kept scrolling until I was sure that abomination was over. Although I caught the word "safe word" somewhere there so... yeah.

•The next day after that heated discussion, MC enters the DT' office. Harper doesn't even offer an apology for treating MC like shit, she acts like nothing happened. MC notices there's this peace in the air and there's no whining, so they ask where's Ethan

•Turns out, Harper reported MC to their superiors when she thought it was them who messed up the trial and now Ethan had to turn himself in and is meeting with the board. Then, she blatantly admits that if she knew Ethan was the one who did it, she would have talked to him first. She says she regrets telling the board, although, as she doesn't offer MC an apology, it seems she only regrets getting Ethan in trouble, not her awful attitude. Tobias is named the new leader of the DT, and that's the only highlight in this mess of a chapter.

I have more thoughts about everything, but I'll post them tomorrow, when they can reach more people. And I'll catch up with this shitt book just so I can join the mob law tomorrow lmao. See you then.

[jackyjango]

Dark Phoenix Review

I saw Dark Phoenix yesterday and I wanted to bank in my reactions until Saturday, because many more would have watched the film by then, but it turns out that I’m not very good at keeping my opinions to myself. I almost didn’t sleep the whole night (which isn’t healthy. lol)

So I’ll empty my guts here and leave it. You can read it now, or after you’ve watched the movie or not at all. Life’s full of options.

Oh, and 1 more thing, spoilers come free with my opinions

Who is that man in a wheelchair with a bald head and? They say he’s Charles Xavier. Listen, you want to portray Charles in grey shades, be my guest. Charles does have many dark qualities. He’s prideful, he’s manipulative, but one thing he’s not is selfish. He wouldn’t put his interests before the lives of someone he loves and cares. In fact, one of Charles’ greatest downfall is that he loves and cares too much. The man who practically drunk himself to death over Raven leaving him doesn’t shed a tear when she dies, instead gives a speech on what a hero she was.That, to me is not Charles Xavier. You get to see the real Charles Xavier only for the first 5 and last 15 minutes of the film, which is quite a tragedy in itself.

Jean making Charles walk up a flight of stairs while he pleads for her to stop was SO painful to watch. I can hate this movie for that scene alone. Using Charles’ disability against him is all kinds of screwed up.

The Helmet and the wheelchair has become symbolic of Erik and Charles in a way. I understand Jean destroying both of those is metaphorical and all, but they could have done it without putting Charles through that pain and humiliation.

I absolutely don’t understand Raven’s characterisation. Now, she’s suddenly the one to lecture about family (She’s not Mystique anymore). Wasn’t she the one giving speeches on how they’re not kids anymore and that they need to fight and not hide behind walls? And suddenly, they’re kids all over again? (They’re in their late twenties for fuck’s sake) The friction between her and Charles is really tiring.

Telling a little girl that she was responsible for her mother’s death and that her father didn’t want her because he thought that she was a freak is apparently the right thing to do. Brave XMCU! Blaming Charles for hiding that truth away and sending them on dangerous missions while he stays back is a low blow (He didn’t think about himself when he passed out using the cerebro, did he Raven? Is that dangerous enough for you!!?) Urghhh! I won’t even understand that trajectory, so fuck it. It pisses me off to no end.

As I expected, the friction between Charles and Hank is just baseless. Blaming Charles for Raven’s death (come on man, that was an ACCIDENT!!!) and running away to kill Jean was contradicting. Because Raven dies trying to save Jean and Hank now wants to do everything that Raven would have done? (Uhhhh? Where is the logic, exactly?)

I don’t know who wrote that scene where Hank forces Charles to admit that Raven’s death was his fault, because I’m sure I’ll tear that person to shreds if I meet them) ‘Come on, man. Admit it. Admit it to me right now!’ It’s not a juvenile version of ‘Truth or Dare’ where you force your friend to admit that they have a crush on someone.

Hank and Erik “bonding” over the fact they both loved Raven. You know what, I don’t even want to get started on that shit trail.

Why portray Charles as an almost-alcoholic? Was it really required? What did you want to show? That he’s drowning his sorrows and short comings in alcohol.? Well, in order to do that, you have to portray his sorrows first, you geniuses. It’s some shitty story telling.

Why bring in the storyline of Quicksilver being Mag’s son when you’re not going to broach the topic at all? Not once, not even in passing.

Hey, you know what? I’m terrible at writing dialogues. I write shit dialogues. But I thought that I could write better dialogues than who ever has written it in this movie. And if I can write better than them, just imagine how bad it is: In no universe I know would Charles say things like, ‘Yep’ and ‘Damn it man’. And in no universe would Erik say, ‘Save your ‘old friend’ shit Charles’. Listen, Erik might be a lot of things, but he isn’t the one to disrespect relationships. Above all else, Charles is the only meaningful relationship he has in his life (and need not be in a romantic way). He would in no way disrespect it. ‘So… yeah, I have killed people’ IS THAT THE BEST DIALOGUE YOU COULD HAVE COME UP WITH, YOU IDIOTS!? Bad dialogues are not new to the X-Men movies, but the actors have always pulled them off. Some of them in this are so bad that even James and Michael sound stupid saying it.

Some scenes are so bad that I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Jean just taking off after Raven dies. That’s so uncharacteristic!! You would shoo away a dog better than how Erik sends Jean away from Genosha.’Go! Leave now!’ Really? I almost died out of second hand embarrassment.

The aliens feel SO WEIRD in an X-Men movie. I thought I could get used to the idea, but… no. Didn't happen. You simply cannot associate aliens with an X-Men movie. Avengers, sure. Just not an X-Men movie. It’s not a bad thing necessarily, just weird.

No matter what, I can’t root for Jean and Scott’s relationship in this. The chemistry just falls flat. They look more like brother and sister. And since their relationship plays an important role, that whole branch of that arc doesn't entice me at all.

The trope of ‘someone important in Erik’s life dying to turn him bad again’ isn’t cute the fourth time around.

I knew the ending even before I went to see the movie, so I knew that Charles would leave his school to Scott (as it is in the comics), and I was thrilled at the prospect of cherik being canon. While I’m thrilled for the cherik ending, I feel like Charles was almost forced out of his own school. Okay, he lied to Jean to protect her from the truth, so what, he’s not fit to be a teacher anymore? He’s not the same man who guided and gave you guys a home and showed you how to control your powers, you ungrateful shits? There should have been some sort of closure where Charles chooses to retire voluntarily and says goodbye before leaving.

Well, there ARE some really good aspects to the movie as well. It’s not completely bad. I really enjoyed it in many ways:

The movie is actually centred around Jean, start to end. It shows her struggling with her powers and the story doesn’t stray away from her, so that’s definitely done better than last stand, where Jean was just a fuming bulldozer. I also love how powerful they’ve portrayed her to be.

Genosha is really nice and I especially like Erik’s flat/container/living situation. It’s very rusty and cool. Suits him (I would like that very narrow single bed to turn into a double bed once Charles is there) I also loved Erik’s and Charles’ wardrobes. (Though I prefer Charles in cardigans, suits do him good)

I didn’t like the fight sequence in New York because there were too many unwanted things going on, but I did like the fight sequence in the train. Mags especially! AWESOME!!

All of them fighting together. That’s what I always wanted.

The music is really good. But that’s expected from Hans Zimmers.

These movies would have hit rock bottom if not for the actors. Sophie is AMAZING!! Everyone as well. But Sophie stands out.

The officers in the train scene who are transporting the x-men are called ‘Mutant Containment Unit’. In short, they have MCU (also known as Marvel Cinematic Universe) plastered on their uniforms. Erik telling them ‘you need us’ was brilliant. If it was intentionally put in there, it’s a stroke of genius, else it’s just luck.

There’s a scene in the train sequence where Erik protects Charles, Scott and Jean by closing the compartment they’re in with metal. I literally clapped my hands. Similar to what Sir Ian did it in ‘Days of Future Past’. Not as obvious and grandiose in gesture as the ‘X’ in XMA, but it’s enough to satisfy my little cherik heart. 

I LOVED the chess proposal at the end!! And when Erik said, ‘You gave me a home once and I’d like to return the favour’ I think my heart exploded in my chest. If your OTP flirting with each other in the city of love while one proposes of moving in doesn’t make them canon, then I don’t know what does!!

In short, you’ll love the movie if you only love Jean Grey and Raven. If you love everyone else along with them, well…tough luck.

I said that I’ll be happy as long as they give me a cherik ending.

They did give me a cherik ending and all I want now is to read a fic where Charles and Erik are cuddled up on Erik’s very narrow bed while Erik re-assures Charles with kisses that nothing was his fault. (I’ve deleted the part where Charles loses his hair in XMA from my brain, so Charles still has his luscious locks intact in this fic I want to read)

It’s certainly a private joke to me that 19 years of X-Men ended with cherik being canon. The thing with X-Men, you can love it and hate it at the same time and somehow not get tired of it.