#i’d rather not be a 6’1 woman because i’d hate myself
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mother dearest is finally home
#no bcs like#my parents r trying to work shit out i get it#and they have been transparent about rhat#but like. a parent should not have to go and sleep at another personas house for almost a week to get away from us#and the thing is i can’t really blame her#my dad doesn’t do like any work around the house#and he puts himself above everyone else#ugh#this week has been really awful for me#for some reason i remembered that oh yeah i’ll never be who i really want to be#and i’ve set myself a decision deadline that by the end on july i need to know whether or not i’m going to transition#i need to properly weight the pros and cons of all my options and what they will entail#it’s just so frustrating#i really do feel like i’m sitting at the fig tree watching all the fruit rot in front of me#can i not just pick multiple. what if i want to try being a 6’1 man and then if i hate it be a 5’8 woman#or if i hate that be a 5’8 man#bcs those three r kinda my only options#i’d rather not be a 6’1 woman because i’d hate myself#it’s just like if i choose to transition all the good genetics that i got from my dad are thrown out the window#and if i transition and end up looking ugly and not passing i’ll hate myself more than if i just never transitioned#but if i don’t do anything and i become a good looking talk man with good features sure i’ll be loved#i’ll probably be able to pull (hopefully bcs i need to become an actually good person first)#but i won’t be loved the way i want to be loved#i want to be the one who gets helped in the relationship not the helper yk#ughhh and i’ll have to come out to my parents and everything#why could i not have just been born a womannnnnnn ughhghg
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