#i‘m tired and just disappointed

[yuna542]

💫Drabble Challenge💫

By @3rachasninja 🩵

„I‘m here“

Pairing: Chan x Reader

Genre: ANGST, Fluff, Comfort, Friends to Lovers

Warnings: fluff, comfort, angst, family issues, anxiety, insomnia, overwhelmed/stressed, burned out reader, trauma, mentions of alcohol, yelling, strong language, sexualising and offensive jokes, dark thoughts, depression, domestic violence

Word Count: 7.2k

Note: I had a lot of fun writing this. Thank you for joining my little challenge. I really tried to include everything you wanted and I hope you‘ll like it. <3

Join my <Challenge>💕

You heard a crackle from your phone as Chan flopped down on his bed, the neon lighting behind him bathing his face in a bluish glow.

"I'll pick you up later and we'll go to the movies. Felix and Minho went to this new horror movie and said it's great. So I have to go with you."

You looked up from your notes and at Chan, who was smiling happily at your screen.

"Sorry Channie, but I have to study..." you sighed, rubbing your hair with the heels of your hands. You were dead tired, the next exam was already in a week. You wanted nothing more than to go to the movies with Chan, but you couldn't make it.

Disappointed, he pouted and ran his hand through the thick curls you loved since school.

Chan and you went to high school together and became soon best friends. When he became a trainee for JYP, you lost touch because he needed so much time to train and focus on his career.

But after his debut, he had contacted you again and you found out that the apartment you lived in with your dad since your parents separated was only a ten minute drive from his dorm. You met again more often. You got to know his members and became friends with them. They were all awesome and reliable friends by now.

Soon it was as if no time had passed and you and Chan were as inseparable as before. However, much had changed with you over the last months.

Your parents had separated and after a bad and toxic marriage and an even more disgusting divorce, your mother had simply disappeared from your life. At first she called every day. Then she called once a week, and by now you weren't even sure she had the same number anymore.

Chan sighed, but nodded in understanding. He knew how much you cared about your studies. You studied day and night to graduate and finally stand on your own two feet.

But he didn't know that you were doing all this to disappear. To leave this life behind and build your own, independent and above all happy life. Without a father who could no longer control himself. Who was drunk day and night. Since your mother had left, he had changed. By now you just couldn't imagine that she had once loved him.

He had become dependent. Working as a mechanic after his company went broke and now that your mother was gone, you had to take care of everything.

On the one hand, you worried because he couldn't even do his own laundry. Especially in moments when the old loving father shone through. Mostly when he was sober or when friends were visiting. Then he showed his best side. Polite, loving, trustworthy.

But this illusion disappeared as soon as the last guest had left the apartment. He lost himself everyday a bit more and you couldn't do anything. You could just watch.

"Really? All evening?"

You nibbled unconsciously on the back of your pencil and looked up from your Laptop to see that Chan had been watching you the whole time.

"Yeah... It's really a lot to learn."

"Okay... I can come over too and I'll help you study."

He didn't want to bother you or press you, though he had noticed how you had changed lately. Back in high school, you could be found at every party. You were always surrounded by friends and when you entered the room the attention was on you. But lately you hardly ever left your room, you were quieter and more reserved. Except when you were together. With Chan you were as he knew you. Open, loud and self-confident.

Chan had always liked that about you. No one managed to get you down. You fought on and on, with a grin on your lips. He suspected that it was because of your studies and all the stress that you had withdrawn.

At his question, you thought of your father lying on the couch just one door down, drunk and commenting loudly on the baseball game.

"No, it's okay. It's late anyway."

Chan glanced out the window. Dusk had not yet set in and the birds were chirping loudly.

"But you're coming to the party with me tomorrow?" he asked, now for the hundredth time this week. Directly, your heart pounded louder.

Chan had asked you last week if you wanted to be his plus one for a celebration for the release of a new campaign by an expensive brand. When he had asked you, you had frowned, while leaning your head against his chest and cuddled up under the covers. Completely confused, you had sat up and the movie you were watching had slipped into the background.

"What?" you'd asked, and Chan had just smiled softly.

"I get to take someone with me, so I thought it might be fun if we dressed up and pretended to be arrogant snobs for an evening."

Looking into Chan's eyes, you felt like it too. It sounded exciting and you realised again that Chan lived in a completely different world than you.

"So what do you say?"

You had looked down at your hands in confusion.

"I'll need an expensive dress, shoes.... Oh God... Are you sure about this? Not that I'll embarrass you there."

He had laughed, wrapping his arms around your stomach from behind and leaning his head against yours.

"I think I'm more likely to embarrass us. Fashion and clothes suit you more than me..."

You had to grin. In fact, you were very interested in fashion. You went shopping a lot, especially with Felix and Jeongin. When you showed Chan your outfits afterwards, he was happy, but with the best will in the world he didn't understand the difference between a cardigan and a wool jacket.

Chan wore hoodies outside of work, simple shirts, and the occasional pair of jeans when he was exerting himself.

Still, you remained indecisive and leaned against his chest, sighing.

"But don't worry. There are no cameras and no paparazzi. We're completely free there."

That made you feel increasingly relieved, and you nodded.

The very next day you had dragged Felix from store to store to pick out a suitable dress. You wanted to surprise Chan and maybe even to impress him. Finally, you had settled on a black cocktail dress that fit snugly at the waist. It was simple, chic, and looked expensive.

Felix had clapped his hands enthusiastically. "That's sexy as hell! Chan's going to go nuts."

He'd laughed and you dismissed the little comment as a joke. After all, his members were always joking about the two of you. Secretly, they didn't believe you that there had never been anything going on between you and that was quite funny to you.

-

"Well, sure. Nobody can stop me from going with you to that expensive Party full of expensive people," you answered him. Chan grinned with satisfaction.

"I can't wait to see the dress. Felix won't even tell me the color and has been raving about it all along."

You smiled and hid your red cheeks behind your book.

"You'll see soon enough."

"I'll pick you up tomorrow then."

"All right."

In the brief silence, you heard a demo playing in the background. So Chan was still working, too.

"I'm excited. But I'm scared," you finally said. Neither of you wanted to end the conversation and hang up.

"Me too... But this should be fun."

You nodded and rolled onto your back, holding the phone above you. Chan looked at you in silence for a while. Your hair was spread out around your head on the bedspread and your eyes were shining happily. How he wished he could be with you right now, touch you and not just the stupid screen.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Channie."

He smiled and winked at you.

"See you tomorrow, princess."

With a flutter in your stomach, you set the phone aside as his face disappeared.

--

"That's how you're going out? You look like a hooker! You want to get laid that bad?"

The words stabbed at you like knifes directly into your chest. You were just on your way out the door. Chan had texted that he was leaving and you wanted to stop him from ringing the doorbell and running into your father. He had come home smelling of whiskey and upset that you hadn't put enough cheese on the spaghetti you had put out for him in the kitchen.

Immediately, insecurity overshadowed your actual joy. You clutched your purse and looked down at yourself as your father looked over at you from the couch.

You had your hair up, put on a little makeup. The red lipstick went perfectly with the black minidress and black high heels that made your legs look even longer than they did anyway. When you had been in the bathroom and seen your reflection, you felt like a princess. Your father had managed to make you feel like a slut with just a few words.

"What ... I thought..." you mumbled, tugging uneasily at the hem of your dress. That's when you saw a cone of light appear through the window and Chan's car pulled up to the street in front of the house.

"So you don't have to wonder when men get assaultive... Revealing your ass and tits like that. It's cheap," he rumbled on and before you could give the tears a chance, you muttered in an occupied voice:

"I'm leaving."

But you grabbed a jacket and pulled it tight around your body. You tried not to let on how hurt you were as you walked toward Chan's car.

He was already leaning on the passenger side. He looked incredibly handsome in the black suit that stretched tightly around his broad shoulders. His hair was a little too neat for your taste. You loved his messy curls, but right now it matched the expensive look.

His whole face lit up at the sight of you and your heart immediately lightened a bit.

Arriving at his place, you just wanted to quickly get in the car and get out of here. Your father's words kept circling in your head and you wrapped your arms tighter around your body.

"What's wrong? Let me see your outfit," Chan said, stopping you with his hands on your shoulders.

"Can we just leave?," you muttered dejectedly, and that's when he frowned in wonder.

Directly he nodded and held the door open for you to get in. On the ride, he tried to distract you with chit-chat and change the petrified look on your face. But even when you arrived at the location, you didn't dare to take off your jacket. After you parked the car and stood in front of the pompous entrance, he took your hand and forced you to look at him. You almost instantly burst into tears when you saw his worried expression.

"May I see the dress you choose for me?"

You swallowed hard. Afraid that he would react the same way your father did. Chan's opinion mattered to you more than any other, which is why you clasped his hand uncertainly. He carefully stroked his hands up your arms, under your jacket and looked at you questioningly. You nodded curtly and that's when he slid the jacket off your shoulders. His eyes got big and his mouth was instantly open as he finally saw what you had been working on all evening.

"Wow you look amazing..." he gasped and his eyes kept wandering up and down your body. Finally they lingered on your face and you smiled in relief. His honest enthusiasm lifted the weight off your shoulders.

"Thank you..." you whispered, and that's when his face suddenly hardened again. He threw the jacket into the car and put his hands on your waist.

"Did anyone say anything else?" he asked seriously and you nibbled uncomfortably on your lower lip.

"You don't think it's too revealing?" you asked instead, anger flashing in his eyes. Whoever had said something that made you feel even slightly less beautiful than you were, he would loved to punch the stupidness out of that asshole.

"As long as you feel comfortable, you can wear whatever you want. Anyone who says otherwise is a idiot and has the manners of a primate," he assured you, gently pulled you at your waist closer. Your heart leapt as your faces hovered close to each other. You lost yourself in his eyes, as you had so many times before, and put your hands to his chest. Again and again you knew that you shouldn’t react like that because of the touch of your best friend, but you couldn’t help it. He was kind, always there for you and looked incredibly hot right now.

"You're going to outshine everyone tonight... I really want to show off with you now," he whispered and your stomach did somersaults.

"Then let's go," you replied and as you smiled honestly again, Chan almost burst with happiness. He offered you his arm and you took it nervously.

Together with Chan, the party was really fun. You drank expensive champagne, you met many of his colleagues and friends, and you did some nonsense with Chan, while playing rich and arrogant.

With him everything was so easy and all the worries seemed to be forgotten. Chan made sure you were comfortable the whole time, never leaving your side and giving a warning look to any man who looked at you for a second too long. You caught yourself pressing the back of your hand to your cheeks to cool them down as Chan put an arm around you during a conversation. A handsome young man Chan knew from his days as a trainee had approached you. He wore a very expensive suit, and a watch that was probably worth four times as much as your apartment.

"Chan your companion looks really gorgeous. How long have you been together?"

Chan froze, and you had just smiled sheepishly.

"We're just friends."

The dark-haired one had directly raised his eyebrows and looked at Chan in surprise. From that point on, he had flirted with you shamelessly, complimented you, and when you had chuckled at one of his jokes, Chan had cleared his throat and wrapped his arm tightly around your waist. Since then, his hand had been tight on your hip and it seemed almost possessive. One look at Chan's face had been enough and the guy was gone. His jaw twitched, so tightly because he clenched his teeth so tensed, and when the guy was finally gone, Chan pulled you along.

"Finally. I thought he'd never stop drooling over you."

You had to grin, trying not to think the whole time about Chan's thumb circling over your hip bone.

"Are you jealous?" you teased, poking him in the side with your index finger.

"I'm not... No."

He quickly averted his eyes from yours, because otherwise he would have said something stupid.

"You're my best friend, and I don't want you getting hit on by random guys."

You walked to Buffet together and all the stares that followed you made you uneasily play with the strap of your purse.

"I thought that was a friend of yours?"

"So what? You're worth twice what he could give."

You had been eyed curiously all evening. No one had expected Chan to show up with a female companion.

At the buffet, you really tried hard not to look too disgusted. You couldn't even identify most of the food. There were little morsels of strange colors and shapes, and even if you knew how to eat them, you probably wouldn't be skilled enough.

You held Chan's arm in a panic and whispered:

"I can't do this... The food looks like aliens brought it."

To your surprise, he had to push back his laughter with all his might.

"Yeah I know."

By now, many of the people were whispering about you and you didn't miss the envious and deprecating looks. You didn't belong here at all. You were not an idol, a rich girl or from an elite university. Looking around uneasily, the air grew thinner and thinner, you clung to Chan until he pulled you away from the buffet.

"What are you doing?" you whispered as he took your hand and clasped it tightly with his.

"We're getting out of here. I need something you can actually eat."

Together you sneaked away from the party and ran to his car giggling like kids who had done something wrong.

As soon as he started the engine and drove away, you breathed a sigh of relief.

"That was exciting, but don't ever ask me to come to something like that again!"

Chan laughed and immediately you felt warm.

"I promise."

Even though you looked beautiful, like a princess straight out of a movie, he loved even more that you just didn't fit there. You didn't care about status, money or power. You looked at him the same way you did when you were in school, and Chan increasingly realized how much he needed that in addition to his work and growing fame.

"Where are we going?" you asked, looking out the window with a bright smile.

"Burgers and fries?" he asked, and you were overcome with deja vu. Always after the last hour of math that week, you had gone to the fast food joint behind the school together and shared a meal.

"In this clothes?" you asked with raised eyebrows, and he shrugged.

"Well, sure.“

So a few minutes later you were sitting in the fast food restaurant in your expensive suit and dress, devouring your burgers. People were staring at you, but you didn't mind. You laughed as you mocked the arrogant guests at the party and made fun of the hairstyle of the older lady who had talked shit about you and thought you didn’t hear. It was refreshing and easy with Chan.

That's why it was even harder for you to get out of his car that evening. At your front door, he hugged you tightly and kissed your forehead.

"Thank you for being with me today."

You smiled and wished you hadn't let go of him.

"Always. But next time we do a normal movie night again, okay?“

You both chuckled and he nodded.

„Yes sure. The dress was okay, but you know I love you in ugly sweatpants.“

Snoring you rolled your eyes and opened the door.

He waited until you disappeared into the house before sauntering back to the car. As he did, he grinned stupidly and hummed to himself.

-

A week later, he had received nothing but terse messages from you. Actually, you were going shopping together to make your own pizza and watch movies. Just you and Chan, as it had become a habit by now.

But you had canceled at short notice, with a terse message, and hadn't contacted him since. Chan had a queasy feeling in his stomach and had been staring at his cell phone for hours to see if maybe you had written something. He just couldn't concentrate on his laptop even though he had lots of work to do.

His thoughts kept drifting to you. By now he was wondering if he had done something wrong or if something had happened.

Groaning, he threw himself backwards in his chair so that he rolled away from the computer and pressed both hands to his face. Then he tapped your number and waited for it to ring. After the first beep he threw it on his table. He didn't mean to be annoying or clingy, but the disturbed look on your face when he'd picked you up wouldn't let him go. He had never seen you so rattled. Surely there had to be a reason for this?

"Hello? Chan?" he finally heard from his cell phone on the table. Your voice sounded weak, shaky, like you'd been crying.

He quickly scooted back to the desk and leaned over the cell phone.

"Hey... I just wanted to ask if everything was okay?"

There was silence for quite a while until Chan guessed you had hung up, but that's when he heard your breathing going rattly.

"Y/N?" he asked cautiously.

"Chan I can't talk right now. I have a lot to do."

It sounded almost choked, like someone was squeezing your throat.

Completely perplexed, Chan grabbed his cell phone as if he could reach you better that way.

"Wait! You canceled so suddenly and I haven't heard from you in days. Are you sure everything's okay?"

There was a rustling on the other end of the line, as if you were switching rooms. Again no answer, just your breathing, and Chan began pacing restlessly up and down his room.

After a while, you cleared your throat.

"Everything is fine, Chan. I'll be in touch soon."

It sounded like a sentence you had memorized and played all over again. Chan was about to say something back and winced when a door banged in the background near you. Then a man yelled your name. Chan could hear your breath catch and froze in motion.

"I have to go."

You sounded rushed, agitated, and your voice was busy.

"Y/N! Do you want me to come over?" he asked directly and you had to press your hand over your mouth to keep from sobbing out loud.

"No! No please don't. I'll text you."

Then the line went dead. Chan stared at his phone for a full minute, trying to find an innocuous explanation for what he had just heard. But he had to convince himself that you were all right. Otherwise, he wouldn't sleep for a second.

He got into his car, it was raining cats and dogs and you had to drive slowly to see anything at all. He held his jacket over his head until he reached your front door, but the wind was so strong that he was soaked in seconds.

He rang the doorbell and it took a while for the door to open a crack. He could see your face through it, slightly illuminated by the flickering light in the hallway and at the sight of him you froze.

Panic-stricken, you opened the door a little more but did not let him in. Your eyes, which usually shone and infected everyone with their energy, were dull and red. You had dark circles under your eyes and your lip was split open because you had bitten it so many times. When you were nervous, you always nibbled on your lower lip. A habit with which Chan always teased you because it looked so cute.

But right now the sight frightened him.

"I told you not to come," you whispered, and he barely understood you through the pelting rain. You avoided as much as possible that he could take a look inside.

"I know. But you sounded so weird on the phone. I wanted to make sure everything was okay."

You pushed back the tears with all your might and opened the door a little more so you could look at him better. His hair was wet and by now the rain was dripping from his chin. You wanted him to come in, to get him dry and warm. Feel his strong arms around you and bury your face against his chest, tell him everything, snuggle up to him until you forgot everything. Instead, you said:

"It's okay. Really."

You tried to close the door and thus escape the piercing gaze, but Chan stopped you by putting a foot in the crack.

"What is it?"

His gaze was lower on something behind the door.

"What?" you asked nervously, almost panicked, trying to hide your hand behind your back. But Chan had pushed the door open wider and since he was stronger, it was an easy grab of your arm.

"On your wrists?"

In the flickering light he looked at your wrists and all color fell from his face.

"It's nothing," you tried to dismiss it. Your voice trembled with shame and you quickly pulled your hand away. But he hadn't imagined it. There were clearly deep blue marks on both of your wrists as if a large hand had grabbed you there. Just the sight of it was painful.

"Who was that? Y/N?"

Chan's voice was icy cold, cutting like a blade through the rumble of the thunderstorm. His face was intimidatingly tense. In his usually loving warm eyes, only raging anger. You could not answer. Instead, a single tear rolled down your cheek which you furtively wiped away.

"Y/N? Who's at the door? I told you to clean the kitchen damn it! You're good for nothing!"

Your father's voice rumbled throughout the house and you winced violently. Chan looked more and more intimidating and he suddenly seemed a lot bigger as he clenched his hands into fists.

"Please Channie. Just go!" you pleaded, pushing him back out into the rain. The begging and fear in your voice made him completely lose it. His mind went blank and he could only shake his head as he gradually realized everything. Your strange behavior the last few weeks wasn't because you had so much to learn and were stressed. He blamed himself for not noticing it sooner. Now he remembered all the signs he just hadn't noticed. When you wore hoodies on sunny days, avoided his touch on your arms, or the time you flinched because he jerked his arm up to celebrate his win at Uno against Felix. He had never put all that together into a picture. But now he realized, and there was nothing he could do to undo it.

"Who's there? Answer fucking hell!" your father yelled and now you could clearly hear him slurring his words.

"It's only Chan! He brought me something I forgot at his place" you shouted over your shoulder hoping he would just shut up.

"Chan? Were you going to run off and sleep around?"

Chan couldn't see it, but the older man's voice was closer now. He seemed to have come into the hallway behind you.

"No. I was going to study. Chan will be gone in a minute."

It broke Chan's heart how scared you sounded.

"Don't talk shit! The way you walk around, dressed like a hooker, you're probably trying to get any of Chan's friends into bed!"

Chan wanted to tear open the door, beat the disrespect out of this idiot until he begged for forgiveness. But your shaking hands and pleading look stopped him. He would only make things worse and he didn’t want to hurt you further.

"We're just friends. He‘s leaving."

Your father grunted deprecatingly and you could hear him just throwing an empty beer can on the floor.

"I hope so! You've got plenty to do in the kitchen. The excuse that you have to study doesn't count."

Instead of snapping back, as Chan knew the confident girl he adored so much would, you hung your head and said:

"Yes."

When your father disappeared again, you didn't dare look Chan in the face. It hurt too much and if he looked at you with even a little pity, you would collapse on the spot.

"Y/N, what..."

But that's as far as he got, as you were already shaking your head. Tears in the corners of your eyes and your eyes fixed on the ground in front of you.

"Please just go and don't make it harder for me..."

Then the door slammed shut and Chan ruffled his hair. He wanted to help you, to be there for you, but he didn't know what to do without making everything worse for you.

-

A few days later, you finally called him. The conversation was tense and he tried not to bring up the subject because you obviously weren't ready yet. But he was somewhat relieved when you asked him if he wanted to help you studying.

Your father was obviously not there and so you were alone.

Chan sat on your bed next to you, quizzing you with index cards or having the topics explained to him. It didn't take long for you to get lost in teasing each other again, fooling around, and it almost felt like normalcy. However, Chan just couldn't manage to banish that evening from his mind.

It resonated like a dark shadow and you could feel it too. But you didn't know what to say to Chan. It was all just too much.

You hid the bruises on your wrists under your thick hoodie and only sometimes did it slip back and Chan's smile disappeared immediately every time he saw a glint of it.

When the front door slammed, though, you jumped from the bed, startled.

"Shit! He said he won't be back until late at night..."

"Y/N! Where are you?" he was already yelling through the apartment by then, peppering his keys on the dresser. Chan's expression darkened directly and you put your index finger to your lips.

"Just stay here and be quiet"

Before he could respond, you had rushed out of the room and to your father's side so he wouldn't get any angrier. You just had to see the glazed eyes and you knew he had been drinking on the job.

"You're here already?"

He nodded and pointed to the pile of clothes next to the iron that he had thrown there this morning.

"I told you to iron my shirts," he said.

"I haven't gotten around to that yet. I have an important exam tomorrow and Chan is helping me study," you tried to calm him and that's when you saw Chan already standing in the doorway behind your father. His brow was furrowed in concern and you shook your head, barely noticeable.

Your father took a beer from the kitchen counter and opened it with the lighter in his pocket. You could see his nostrils twitch. He was furious and whirled around to face you:

"Bullshit. You're good for nothing! And this guy is just a bad influence. Ever since he's been here all the time, you've been dressing like a whore, always at his place, and an ungrateful brat!"

Gradually, anger overshadowed your fear of what might come. In the last few days it had become worse and worse. Suddenly your father had become handsy and much more easily irritable. He was drunk by noon and you suspected that he had lost his job. When you had called him on it, he had freaked out and grabbed your wrists too tightly that they still hurt.

"Chan has nothing to do with this! He's my best friend and you're not going to stop me from seeing him!"

It was the first time you fought back, but he wouldn't take away the only thing that was good in your life. Chan gave you strength to go on until you were ready to leave it all behind.

"Are you contradicting me?"

His voice rumbled like a thunderstorm and he looked at you like an insect to be squashed. Chan gritted his teeth and literally pierced your father with withering glances.

"You're just as ungrateful as your mother! I let you live here for free, take care of you, and you act like you take it all for granted! Your are a fucking disappointment.“

Anger clawed at your chest and tore at you painfully. Chan's presence gave you the strength to look your father in the eye for the first time. It made him even angrier, but there was also despair. Despair that he could no longer control and intimidate you.

"Mom was clearly smarter than me when she disappeared," you hissed belligerently, pressing your hands against your thighs so he wouldn't see how much you were shaking and afraid of him.

"What the fuck did you say?" he yelled, smashing the full beer can onto the kitchen floor. Your eyelids fluttered, but you didn't jerk back.

"You're pathetic, disgusting, and a shitty person! I'll never forgive Mom for not taking me with her when she finally left you!" you snapped at him, and his head ran so red you feared it would burst. There was a burning feeling of satisfaction when you finally spoke what you could have said a long time ago.

"You stupid bitch! I guess you need to be taught some manners!" he growled aggressively and when he raised his hand and you just saw him lash out, you regretted opening your mouth. You squinted your eyes, yanked your arms protectively up and waited for the blow to hit you, but nothing happened. The next time you opened your eyes, you heard your heart pounding so loudly in your ears that you didn't even hear Chan's voice. He was standing in front of you, his broad shoulders protecting your body, and in record time had caught the hand that would have hit your face. Hard, he pushed back your father, who staggered a few steps.

He stood like a wall between you and your father, not moving a bit and fixing your father with such a coldness in its eyes that you shuddered.

"Touch her again and I'll kill you!"

The threat sounded deadly serious and even your father was completely thrown off until he shouted again:

"Do you think I'm afraid of you? I‘m not!“

Chan was so calm it was really scary. He tilted his head a little, his features softened, and he actually smiled. However, the smile didn't reach his eyes. If he had looked at you like that, you probably would have dropped dead.

"Yes of course. Someone who is that stupid and doesn't realize what a special daughter he has can only be that dumb"

This only fueled your father's aggression even more. Chan's calm and intimidating manner caused the temperature in the room to drop.

"You son of a bitch! Get out of the way!"

The main artery on your father's neck stood out dangerously, but before he could take a step, Chan stood so close to him that their noses almost touched. His eyes snapped open in surprise, and his lips vibrated in overwhelm.

"I definitely will not! You'll never touch her again, or even speak to her, until you realize what a hard-working, loving, intelligent daughter you have! You're lucky she's here and I want to spare her the sight of me beating the shit out of you, because I really really want to…“

There was indeed fear in your father's eyes. You had never seen that side of Chan. He was always friendly, in a good mood and attentive. But now he was really intimating while protecting you and you could only watch as he tapped your father on the shoulder. It was clearly a warning and without breaking eye contact, he said:

"Let’s go, Y/N. We‘ll leave!“

You couldn't say anything. You were in a trance. Your feet carried you all alone to your room where you packed some clothes, your toothbrush, your laptop and a few important things.

In the living room, your father sat silently on the sofa, not daring to look in your direction. Chan was leaning against the door with his arms crossed and his whole attitude was different again. He looked at you with such gentleness and took your backpack directly from you. Together you walked to the car in silence. Only when you had left your house far behind, he asked:

"How long has this been going on?"

By now it didn't matter anyway. You didn't know if you'd ever go back home, so you told him everything.

"Since mom left. But in the last few weeks, it's gotten worse."

"Did he hurt you?"

Chan's fingers tapped restlessly on the steering wheel. You tugged at the sleeves of your hoodie.

"Not really... Thanks to you."

He nodded, and as soon as you arrived at the guys' dorm, you froze in front of the door.

"The others aren't here. They won't be here until later."

Gratefully you nodded and just as he pulled the door shut behind you, everything burst out of you. A big stone fell off your shoulders and all that pent-up tension found a way to get out. You buried your face in your hands and painful sobs shook your whole body.

Immediately Chan pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly and rocking you back and forth soothingly. You were infinitely grateful to him for not saying anything and just being there. You cried until your body was exhausted and your tears empty. Chan was still holding you. His warmth and body soothed you and you sucked in his scent, which gave you a sense of security that your own home did not. When he felt that you were no longer crying, but only sniffling weakly, he let you out of his tight embrace. His hoodie was wet from your tears where you had pressed your face against his chest and he lovingly cupped your face with both hands. With his thumbs, he brushed the tears from your flushed cheeks and a few strands of hair from your face.

"Are you hungry? Do you want me to cook something?" he asked caringly and you held onto his arm for fear he might just disappear.

"No. No please just stay with me."

Quickly he nodded and intertwined his fingers with yours. Directly everything didn't feel so heavy and hopeless anymore.

He led you into his room and lay down with you under his blanket. You snuggled up close to him. He gave you warmth, comfort and hope. For the first time in a long time, it felt like you were where you belonged.

He pulled you closer to him until you were lying on his chest, your legs intertwined and your cheek right over his heart. He stroked through your hair and with his other hand under your hoodie over your bare back. His touches were like little lightning bolts, channeling energy back into your body.

You let your fingers circle over his chest and listened to his heartbeat.

"How come you never said anything?" he asked, and you could hear him blaming himself for not noticing something sooner.

You rested your chin on the back of your hand and looked him in the eye. Your noses almost touched and his big hands left a tingle on your skin.

"I was scared and I was ashamed. I thought I could do this on my own."

He wrapped a strand of your hair around his finger, enjoying your body heat and your weight on his. Everything about you made his life so much better and he was glad you were now with him and safe.

"You're not alone, though. I'm here.“

The corners of your mouth lifted and when you smiled, Chan's heart nearly jumped out of his chest.

"Thank you Chan."

He smiled as well. His dimples charmed you and you couldn't stop looking at his features, which you knew by heart. He lost himself in thought, stroking his finger down your temple to your cheek.

"You are important to me. I can't imagine life without you, and you deserve to be happy, to be loved, and to be treated with the respect you deserve."

His words touched you and thanks to him, you finally understood that.

When his finger reached your chin, he stroked your lower lip with his thumb. Thousands of butterflies fluttered up in your stomach and you could only stare at him with your mouth slightly open.

"Stay here. As long as you want."

The affection in his eyes, his gentle touches and his body so close to yours, made you forget all caution. You couldn't help but finally listen to your feelings. You just had to lean forward to overcome the distance and touch his lips. You kissed him cautiously at first, but when you felt his hand on the back of your neck and how he pulled you closer by the waist, you moved your lips more intensely against his.

All the despair, anger and fear dissolved into thin air and all you felt was Chan. He complemented you where you needed him and now that he returned the kiss, you melted in his arms with relief.

He let his tongue glide gently over your lower lip and when you opened your mouth and he let his tongue slide against yours, you asked why it had taken you so long. He was in your life all this time and only now you had the clarity to see how much he really meant to you.

The kiss was slow, sensual and healing. When he released you after a while, you were both beaming from within and grinning at each other.

"I've been wanting to do that for ages," he murmured, and your cheeks were all rosy.

That's when you heard the front door open and the loud chatter of the boys echoed to you. Before you could climb off of him, he held you by the waist once more and pressed his lips to yours almost panicked. He just had to make sure he wasn't imagining it. Quickly burying your hands in his hair, you returned the stormier kiss until you broke away from each other, panting.

He grinned broadly, his eyes sparking.

"Let's go tell the guys that my girlfriend is their new roommate."

"Girlfriend?" you asked, surprised, and inside you were jumping up and down excitedly.

He pulled you onto his lap and pressed a kiss to your nose.

"Well, I hope so. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

You didn't have to think for a second before you nodded vehemently.

"Yes... Yes that would be nice."

Chan breathed a sigh of relief and wrapped his arms around your body so tightly that you could hardly breathe.

When you told the others about it, they actually were a little too delighted. At least Hyunjin clapped his hands loudly and was given money in each hand by Changbin and Seungmin. They've been betting for months when you'll finally get it. Obviously everyone around you knew it, except for you.

While Chan chased Jisung around the kitchen for congratulating him, saying that if it had taken longer he would have asked you out himself.

It had felt like you had lost your family, but now, in the midst of eight boys and with Chan by your side, you realized that you had been building your own little family all along.

That night, before you fell asleep in Chan's arms, tight in his arms and exhausted from the day, you heard him whispering by your ear.

"I love you... I'm here. Always."

And you immediately knew everything will be fine.

————————————-

If you’re experiencing domestic violence or any kind of assault please talk to someone. You’re not alone!

[autoantonyms]

Käärijä Cologne Gig Review

Starting off strong with me not sleeping enough. I literally went to bed at 10 pm, but couldn’t sleep until around 1:15 am and I had to get up at 4 am so- yea. 💀

But my dear friend Jenny and I were determined to get barricade so we just did what we had to do. We arrived at around 7 am at the venue and there were thankfully not many people there already.

Then the queuing began. I was so happy to see some of my mutuals again and got to spend so much amazing time with them! I also met so many new people in the queue and thats really one of my favorite things about these fandoms. 🫶🏻😭

At around 11 am Jere just showed up. All of us were like, aware that the tour bus was nearby but i don’t think anyone really cared or actively kept an eye on it. So I guess he just decided to see what we‘ve been up to???

Most of you will probably have already seen some pics (but I have to say it again) he decided to see us.. without any pants on. He was just standing there 🧍🏻‍♂️ greeting us, in this ugly sweater and he took his time to talk to us and take pics with us etc.

Also: I‘m pretty sure everyone who was there and knows me is already tired of hearing it BUT i was just like: „hey do you wanna sit with us?“ and he did. And then the whole Santa thing happened and I‘m still like „?????????? How did ANY of that happen???“ What possessed me to be like that. Anyway, as a friend of mine pointed out, I made him laugh so I will take this accomplishment and make this my new Roman Empire. I am so sorry for everyone who has to hear this story again and again and again🫣

We were also lucky enough to get an opportunity to hear some of the new songs. Because he came back to us a second time and played them for us on his own speaker (it’s battery was fighting for its life lol). And this was honestly the most wholesome thing ever. We were all just standing around him, listening to those songs and some of the others were asking him questions and he was just chatting with us about the album and the songs. He also asked us to not film any of it and I believe all of us just put our phones in front of him on the floor to show him that he can trust us. And he honestly looked so touched by that?!😭 He then asked us if we could film a tiktok with him for Häärijä‘s song and we did 💀

After that we went back to normal queuing and with the progression of the day more people showed up (i mean, that’s how it works haha).

My friend and I did make it to barricade and really had the time of our lives. It was my second time seeing him (last time in Berlin in 2023) and I honestly think both of these concerts are on my top 3 list. I was kinda disappointed that Rock Rock isn’t on the setlist anymore since it is one of my favs but having HHH, Trafik! and Ruoska is already so amazing that I can get over it (still missing my baby tho).

His whole interaction with Anna was so sweet. She was right in front of him and she also had to open his bottle for him and he just made her so happy, it was all so sweet omg.

We were dying of heat tho. It was so fucking hot and all of us were sweating like crazy. Some people in the middle of the crowd got him to splash water onto them and me and @peri-peri-sauce were also trying to get at least some drops onto us but he was just like „no, enough“😭 The security guy then gave us some bottles! He eventually did splash us as well but it literally evaporated 5 seconds later cause it was so fucking hot 🥲

Honorable mentions: the whip during Ruoska??? Sir?? Sir?? Weird way to propose but YES!; him laying on the floor before Cha Cha Cha and us chanting his name while he‘s fingering the air encouraging us to keep going; and hearing Trafik! live for the first time (this song is so good omg); Jenny and I during ICIP (we went crazy); me giving him my „Cologne“ sticker at the last possible moment, him looking at it and kissing it 🥹

All in all, that was such an incredible day. The queuing and the concert were literally perfect and i had so much fun! Nothing could ever beat this day I fear. I am still so overwhelmed by everything that happened and I am so grateful that I could have been there and experience all of it.

Sending love to everyone I met because all of you were amazing! 🫶🏻

[meowlod]

furina x fem!reader | a quick love confession.

warnings: none, a lot of fluff and comforting.

- “Hi.“

- ”Hi, Focalors!“

- ”Just call me Furina..“

- ”..Sorry, Furina. How are you? Is everything fine now?“

Waiting, until you heard a notification sound after a few minutes.

- ”Oh, uh, yeah. Um. Can we hang out, please?“

You smile at her text message and reply back with a photo of yourself in your comfy bed.

- ”Of course! Just come over, I have comfortable blankets if needed.“

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours later after waiting, you hear a ring at your door, and you smile excitedly as you run towards the door, opening it with a happy face until your face drops to concern to see Furina with tired eyes, bags under them, wet hair from the cold rain, slightly shaking. You will not let a pretty princess like her live in this weather!

You quickly pull her by her wrist gently and walk towards your bedroom while Furina takes off her jacket in the walk. Her lips crack a tired smile as she sits down next to you in your bed, you feel the wetness of her clothes as she hugs your waist and puts her head on your shoulder in order to calm herself down.

”…Sorry if i appeared like this. It was raining a lot, and I forgot to bring, um…my umbrella.“

Her voice is slightly mumbled, but you hear the tiredness in her voice as you caress her head and play with her hair, gently taking off her clothes after gaining permission and bringing her comfy pajamas. She sits on the bed in underwear while she waits.

”Here. These might be more comfortable. I‘ll put your clothes into the washing machine, don‘t worry.“ You smile and bring her the pajamas before laying down on the bed, looking away to give her more privacy to put on the pajamas.

After she had put them on, she lays down next to you and hugs your body like you‘re sorta like a big teddy bear. From the affection, you chuckle and cuddle her back, grabbing the tv remote before turning on the TV, putting on a acting show. Furina smiles and watches with you, gently stroking your shoulder without even really noticing until she stopped after hearing your voice.

“..Furi? Is everything okay?“ Oh, that nickname you gave her. She loves it.

”…! O—oh! No, no no. Everything is fine. Sorry..i just..I needed more comfort, nothing much, really.“ She replied back with a much more nervous voice that makes you feel a little suspicious. But why? Does she perhaps..have a crush on you?

”…Furina?“

”…”

She sighs and carefully breathes in and out slowly, almost replying with something that would get you shocked and something that you would have actually kind of expected. She was more clingy with you nowadays.

”…I..“

You wait, heart beating faster.

”Ugh..I..It‘s nothing, I just had some memories of the past. i‘m sorry.“

Filled with disappointment, you give her a reassuring smile to see if she will tell you the actual truth. “Furina..please, just tell me. I‘ll always listen to you.“

”…I…ah..“

Closing her eyes before she finally talks.

”I….love you..I— oh— I….yes, I do. I do..I love you.“

There it is. Your cheeks form a blush before you excitedly smile and give her a affectionate kiss to show her the affection that she needs. Furina blushes as well, face becoming fully red but still kisses you back, hugging your body even tighter starting to make it a little hard to breathe, but it‘s okay.

”I was kind of expecting it, my love. You get more clingy each time we meet.“

My love? You‘re going to get her even more flustered and embarrassed, yet she loves that you called her that.

”O—oh, really? Sorry….I guess i just can get super clingy.“

She sheepishly smiles, looking away from you to stop herself from getting red every time she sees your pretty face. Oh, how she would love to look at your face for hours and not get bored. You got a clingy girlfriend now, and you won‘t mind.

You turn off the TV, taking Furina back in your arms before closing your eyes after being awake for too long. Furina‘s the small spoon, and you are the big one. It could change the next day.

Before you drift off into a peaceful sleep, you both mumble two things to each other before falling into a deep slumber.

”When I wrap my arms around you, I really, really never want to let go…“

”Mm. If only you knew how much those little moments with you matter to me.“

[httpdabi]

Ecstasy

Genre: Smut, best friends (of course lol)

Summary: Your best friend is local bend‘s guitarists, subtly showing you on the stage that the two of you should fuck.

Word count: 4.1k

Warnings: 18+ ( minors DNI!!!!!!), creampie, unprotected, praising, little bit choking, MASK KINK!!!, semi public. Dom!Dabi

Saw a video of a Ghost member doing crazy shit on the stage and had to write this 🥲

,, Yeah, I know, I didn’t forget to pick it up mom‘‘ you muttered, nodding your head like your mother could see you. Placing the phone a bit away from your ear, you hoped that she‘ll be done with the nagging soon, so you could finally move on with your day. Doesn’t matter how many times you already told her that you didn‘t forget about the package she sent, she still had something to say.

,, You know, next time just pay a bit more so you can follow the location of the package. You and your trust issues, I swear‘‘ You sighed, before the convo was done.

Thankfully.

Putting your phone inside your pocket, you slowly made your way home, dragging your feet lazily across the wett sidewalk. After the overheated days that hit your city, you found yourself missing the rain. Since you were already out, you decided to go buy some grocery’s, since you didn’t have much time to buy anything these days.

After all, you needed some snacks too for the movie you were planing to watch. Cheetos, nachos and so on. Anything is fine.

Once the sun was completely gone, you made yourself a hot cocoa, and cuddled yourself in your favourite blanket before you found the new Orphan movie.

The first part was one of your favourite movies, so you were really hoping that the new one won‘t disappoint you, and so far it was good in your opinion. You were more then curious about stuff that was going on. Snacking on the chips as you waited excitedly for the next thing to happen.

Just when you found out about the plot twist, a loud sound of the doorbell echoed in your apartment. Pausing the movie, you made your way toward the door. There was no need for you to ask who it was, since only one person would pay you a visit without any announcements.

,, Hi doll‘‘your best friend greeted you, hood covering his white hair. Only a smirk formed on his face visible to you. Inviting himself in, Touya took your place on the couch. Placing his hands above his head, he raised his brow at the paused scene on your Television.

,, Of course you’re watching this shit alone‘‘ he chuckled, making some space on the couch for you as he invited you into his embrace.

There was nothing that you loved more than spending time with your best friend. Watching movies with him or just simply being with him. Times like that made you calm, and simply happy.

,, Want me to start from the beginning ?‘‘ You asked, making yourself comfortable.

,, Nah, I‘ll catch up‘‘ he answered, caressing the back of your neck slowly.

The focus you once had was long gone, since he was caressing you the whole time. Not that you were complaining, you loved it and Touya is the only person willing to do it.

,, You asleep doll?‘‘ Touya asked, as he turned the Television off. Shaking your head slowly, you hummed a small no.

,, Are you coming tomorrow to the Tamaris? We‘ll be playing some new covers‘‘ Touya said quietly, like he was scared to wake you up, even tho you were already awake.

,, Which covers ?‘‘ you asked back, burying your face into his chest as he played with your hair.

,, Tek it, Cigarette Daydreams, Sex drugs etc, and so on‘‘ he said quietly, not stopping his movements. Sometimes you asked yourself how the fuck doesn’t he get tired.

,, Of course I‘m coming‘‘ you whispered, closing your eyes as you inhaled the scent of his perfume. ,, Wouldn‘t miss it for anything‘‘ you added.

,, That’s my good girl‘‘ Touya said, smile forming on his lips.

In short time your eyes started to feel heavy, giving you a sign it was time to drift into the sleep. Even tho your bed didn’t have much space for two people, the two of you fit in perfectly fine, and having him so close to you, you knew that you‘ll sleep just fine.

,, What are you going to wear tonight ?‘‘ Nejire asked, playing with the ice inside the glass., before she took the sip of her coffee.

,, I have no idea, gotta see what’s hiding inside my closet‘‘ you answered, rubbing your eyes slowly. You loved how Nejire gets so excited every time Ecstasy is performing. Actually, lots of people were like that.

You understand why, it was something interesting happening for once in a while. Most of the people, or better to say girls, were coming to see the masked band, curious who‘s hiding behind the almost spooky masks. You didn‘t blame them at all tho, you would feel the same probably, but you already knew who the lead guitarist is.

How couldn‘t you know ? That guitarists shares with you all the songs they prepare. Touya didn‘t and couldn‘t hide that from you even if he wanted. Well what else could he even tell you once you found various Ghostface masks inside his room. Original one, silver one, red one with horns and what not.

,, I can‘t wait to see Myers one beating those drums‘‘ Nejire smiled. You were thinking about asking Touya who that is, but how could you explain to her how you found out ? The band was extremely popular in the city, and you were sure, if Nejire found out, everyone else will.

You love her, you really do, but she loves to talk.

Looking at the mirror, you heard Nejire humming some melody in your living room as you did your makeup. You weren’t sure if you got nervous because you‘ll see Touya on the stage, or because of the fact that rest of the club will probably simp for your best friend.

It took you some time to find something to wear. Unsure, you took the white oversized button up shirt, which was big enough to make it look like a dress on you. You put your golden earrings, before you wore your dr martens boots.

The fit was really simple, but you felt good in it, and Nejire‘s compliments helped you boost up your confidence. She also looked good, as always. Her hair was up, showing her pretty face perfectly.

Since the club was near your apartment, the two of you decided to take a walk instead of driving. That way both of you could drink a bit if you decide to.

,, Oh my god, look at Yui there.‘‘ Nejire mumbled, hitting you with her elbow lightly. Your eyes widened once you saw what that girl wore.

Both you and Nejire weren‘t really the type to put someone down or even laug, but Yui was the only exception since she did much worse things to Nejire in the past.

,, She looks awful‘‘ Nejire commented.

,, Yeah, worse then usual‘‘ You tried not to make a face, as the two of you made your way inside the club ignoring Yui and some other guy kissing.

,, Is he trying to swallow her ?‘‘ you whispered to Nejire, making her laugh.

It took you few minutes to find Keigo and Mirio. Of course they got the table super near the stage, Keigo would never settle for less.

The 4 of you started drinking before the rest of your friends arrived. It wasn‘t a plan to drink so much, but Malibu with cherry juice was your weakness. The taste was perfect in your opinion, and it was hard to stop once you start with it.

Keigo was telling you something, which was hard to hear since the music was loud, but you just kept nodding your head as you completely understood him. Deciding to ignore him for a bit, since you felt your phone buzz inside your pocket.

From D4B1: having fun ?

You were about to answer the short message, but another one popped up. A photo of him, wearing all black and his Ghostface mask.

To D4B1: you‘re looking way too hot

You texted fast, not thinking twice.

To D4B1: don‘t make me too jealous, yeah?

Once again Keigo was yelling about something, forcing you to put the phone away and enjoy the night with them. And you did exactly what he wanted since Ecstasy appeared on the stage anyway.

Four of them, Myers on the drums, Jason holding the mic, Ghostface nodding his head as his friend was greeting everyone and Leatherface preparing his guitar.

It didn‘t take them too long to start with the music, and the moment they did , everyone started going crazy. It felt like they had a literal fanbase in the club.

Song after song, and drink after drink you decided to sit and rest from all the dancing. Taking your time to pay attention to your best friend.

You couldn‘t help but smile as you saw him interact with the public in his own way, making the girls scream and put their hands up in hope they‘ll be the one to get his plectrum. Not even realising, the smile you had on your face was long gone.

he never gave it to anyone, yet just the thought of it upset you.

Shaking your head a bit, you noticed that he was facing you. Waving his hand a little at you.

You weren‘t sure how to react. Wave back? Nod your head ? Taking your drink, you gave him a small nod before you took a sip, eyes still on him.

Touya pointed at himself, giving you the same nod. Tilting your head, you almost got confused for a second. Pointing his finger at you, he nodded again. Slowly tilting his head to the left, he pointed at you again, as he relaxed his hand a bit, before he pushed his middle finger up. Moving up and down repeatedly, copying the literal act of fingering someone.

Blush was spreading across your face, as you looked around to see if some of your friends noticed that the Ghostface was paying you little too much attention. You could feel his eyes burning on your skin through that mask, making you look at him again. And without stopping his dirty movement, he just nodded his head again, before he started playing the instrument again.

What the actual fuck.

Billion small questions were inside your mind.

You always had those small feelings for Touya, but yet you always suppressed them for the shake of your friendship.

Well at that moment, all those feelings were exploding like a fireworks inside of you.

Since Keigo ordered you a new drink, you decided to finish the one in your hand. You could feel Keigo‘s arm around your shoulder, but your eyes couldn‘t leave Touya.

The way he was moving there, everything about him was suddenly unbearably attractive. Like he could sense your eyes on him, Touya made his way toward the part where your table was.

Banding down a little, his mask was facing you once again. Not giving a shit that your friends were around, hyping him up. Nodding again, he placed his left arm behind his back. His right hand was on the strings, moving his hand as he was playing it. You weren‘t sure if your friends were too drunk to notice, but he was moving his hand extremely fast, only his middle finger touching the strings of his guitar.

Once you realised that once again he had something else in his mind, imitating the way of rubbing a clit, your eyes widened. And once he was sure you understood him, he nodded his head again, not stopping his movement at all.

The blush spread over your face faster than ever, and you found yourself thankful for the decision to drink, since your friends won’t question the redness covering your face.

After that interaction with Touya, your friends simply continued with the night and the crazy party, yet you were stuck in the moment, not being able to push the image of masked Touya and what he did at the stage.

It took you at least an hour to come to yourself, you drank few more drinks as you enjoyed the night with your friends. Of course that didn’t mean that Touya was done there. Nope, he was coming back every now and then, interacting with you in any way he could.

and once they were done, at your surprise he came to you and gave you his plectrum. A huge smile formed on your face when you took it from his gloved hand.

Nejire started jumping around excitedly before she gave you another drink. You could feel the stares of all the jealous girls, yet you didn’t mind it at all.

Even tho the band left the stage, the club was still full. The night just started and the atmosphere was too good just to leave.

The moment you felt your phone buzzing, you grabbed it immediately, knowing very well that its Touya who’s texting you.

From D4B1: ,, Got a cigarette for me doll ?‘‘

To D4B1: ,, Of course, but I‘m not sure how to give it to you tho ?‘‘

From D4B1: ,, Come to the stars in the hallway, near the toilets. I’ll wait for you upstairs.‘‘

After that message, you told Nejire how you‘ll go smoke one, hoping none of your friends will try to tag along. Being a good friend, she asked if she should come with you, but she didn’t push it once you said you’ll be fine and how you’ll come back fast.

You weren’t sure how to act, maybe it was because of all the alcohol in your system, but you felt like you were so suspicious to everyone. Looking around, you made your way upstairs.

Once you reached the middle, you jumped a bit once you saw Touya standing there with his mask on, laughing slightly at your reaction. Grabbing your wrist, he pushed you closer to him, placing his arms around your hips.

Not thinking twice, you placed your hands around his neck, smiling like you were high.

,, It was so gooooood‘‘ you said, almost screaming, hoping he can hear since the music was super loud.

,, Did you like it ?‘‘ Touya asked, rubbing your hips slowly. The moment he asked u that, you had a flashbacks of him abusing his guitar.

,, Yes, the atmosphere was really nice‘‘ you said acting dumb, not realising that the blush on your cheeks was selling you off.

,, So my girl liked the performance ?‘‘ he asked again, moving his hands to your butt slowly. His face was too close to yours, only mask being between the two of you. And even tho he still had a mask on, you could smell his breath, mix of cigarettes, alcohol and a mint gum.

Not being able to answer, you slowly nodded your head. Instead of saying anything, Touya took your hand, leading you upstairs towards the balcony, which you assumed was private one since no one was there.

In fact, the whole first floor was empty.

The moment he stepped inside some room, he took his mask off and threw it on the bed, before he opened the balcony. Stepping outside and sitting down on the bench as he took a deep breath of fresh air. Tilting his head toward your direction, he smiled when you gave him a cigarette.

The two of you enjoyed each other’s company. Listening to the loud music and screams, you finished smoking there.

,, Come here‘‘ Touya commanded, tapping on his lap. It wasn‘t a first time you sat on his lap, so without thinking much about it you did as he told you.

,, So, did you like it ?‘‘ Touya asked again, face way too close to your own.

,, I told you, it was amazing‘‘ you said fast, hoping he will buy your shit.

,, Don‘t act all dumb doll‘‘ he smirked, rubbing small circles under your dress. It was almost funny to you how a simple touch and few words could make you so lost. Almost hilarious how you’re the person who can always speak up their mind, yet sitting on your best friends lap, his hands holding your waist as he is looking down on you made you the most quiet person ever.

It took him all of his power to control himself. You were simply too cute, sitting there all lost, not expecting him to mention the silly act he did back on the stage. Instead of giving you some time to answer him, he placed his hands on your face, pulling you closer a bit.

He did give you a second there to pull back, smile forming on his face as you closed your eyes, waiting for him to make a move. And that was really enough for him, pulling your face foreword and connecting your lips together.

Two pecks were all that happened, before the kiss turned into a french one.

Touya grabbed your waist, standing up with you in his hands. The kiss was hella messy, yet it was so beautiful. His hands sink on your ass, squeezing it sharply as he made his way back to the room that was connected with the balcony.

,, Doll, I hope you want this as much as i do‘‘ Touya breathe out, managing to say it in between the kisses.

,, I want it more than you do‘‘ You half said half whispered. That was all he wanted to hear, even more. Sitting down on the bed, his hands squeezed your ass again, the left hand rising slightly to slap down. To say it didn‘t hurt would be a lie, but it was more as an unexpected pain.

There was something so inherently erotic about the way he held you and looked at you, about the way his fingers soothed circles into the same skin he slapped few seconds ago.

Hiding your face into his neck, you had the sudden urge to kiss him just below his earlobe, to swipe his white ear to the side and place your lips against his throat. And you do so, licking his soft skin temptingly. Groaning loudly, Touya switched the position, forcing you to lay down on the bed.

His eyes were scanning your face, lids half lowered as he admired how you look underneath him.

Touya took his time playing with you, rolling his tongue over your hips, snapping his teeth against your skin, biting all over again. He was working his way down exactly where you wanted him to be. One hand holding your hips, and other one playing with your underwear.

Your flesh was on fire, pulse racing so fast you were sure he could feel it through your skin. A loud moan escaped your lips as his tongue rolled against your clit. He didn‘t waste his time at all, he had to taste you.

Since you were moving too much, he wrapped his hands around your hips, working to constrict your movements, limiting your motion. You could feel his lips curling into a grin as you gave into his touch.

You were lost in his mouth, whining loudly not thinking about the fact that you were in a unfamiliar place and god knows if the door was even locked.

But how could you even think of that when your best friends tongue was doing wonders on you ?

You were too lost in the ecstasy to realise that one hand left your hips, too lost to figure out where it was going. Soon finding out when one finger slowly touches your clit, before slipping inside of you.

,, Fuck..‘‘ You moan, body jolting in surprise, jumping a bit when he thrusts yet another finger inside. Touya doesn‘t respond, too busy eating you out. The length of his fingers was like a bonus to you, flexing around your curve to hit your g spot. It didn‘t take you long until you started feeling the pulse of your orgasm growing inside you.

,, You taste so good doll‘‘ Touya‘s mouth breaks contact to tell you that, fingers still fucking against you way too fast. Your walls squeeze over his fingers, closing your eyes you placed one hand over your mouth trying to quiet yourself down as you came all over his fingers.

,, Good girl‘‘ Touya said, pulling his fingers out of you, as he played with your juices.

A small idea got inside his mind, nothing huge, but simply fun in his opinion. Watching you all breathless on the bed, he couldn’t help but smirk as he took his mask from the edge of the bed.

You were never sure what your kinks are, you never really experimented. And you never even thought about mask kink ? Just watching your best friend putting his Ghostface mask on and unzipping his pants made you twice as wet as you already were.

Touya‘s hand traced unter your dress, not bothering to get you out of it, leaving every piece of skin he touched on fire. He was touching your lips with his fingers, and without thinking much you simply opened your mouth, welcoming his fingers and sucking on them.

,, Is this what you want ?‘‘ Touya asked, giving you a chance to refuse him and go back to being friends. But who on the earth would refuse him ? Just hearing his voice, muffed because of the mask made you shiver.

You didn‘t even let him finish the question, nodding with your head almost aggressively, since you couldn‘t answer him with his fingers stuffing your mouth, almost fucking it.

,, My doll‘‘ he sighs, hidden behind the mask, while he lines himself up and finally pushes inside of you slowly. Agonisingly slowly. Hearing his muffed heavy breathing was driving you crazy, closing your eyes you enjoyed the feeling of his cock stretching you out, and simply listening to him. He didn‘t want to hurt you, pushing slowly. Not knowing that the slow pace already hurt enough, since it felt like he was stretching you out forever.

Not like you didnt like it. Somehow, it felt good. And then, you’re filled with him, cunt squeezing around his length.

Touya stays like that, masked face buried in your throat, cock twitching inside of you.

,, Touya‘‘ you moan quietly, touching the skin on his neck, one that the mask didn’t reach.

,, Jeez doll, you’re so tight‘‘ He mutters, easing himself out of you slowly, teasing. Until just the head of his cock is inside you. Once you moan, instead of saying anything, he snaps his hips, pushing back inside roughly.

Grabbing your hips, he pulls his body up, giving you a nice view of him. And there you have it. You didn‘t have a mask kink, but now you do.

Holding you still while he thrusts so hard, moving the whole bed. It was too much for you. His moans, that sounded even better under the mask, heavier. His firm hold, his hard thrusts. And just the fact that you were doing it with your best friend, it gave you the feeling like you were doing something forbidden.

It felt way too good.

Your fingernails scrabble against the wood of the bed, trying to grab onto anything to hold yourself. Even tho Touya was holding your hips, keeping you still.

,, Such a good girl‘‘ Touya pants, leaning over you until he is hitting you there deep inside.

You couldn‘t hold your moans, way too loud, not giving a fuck if anyone could hear. You clench around him again, whole body trembling while your pleasure builds.

,, Touya‘‘ you moan his name again, grabbing the mask, as give your best to remove it. And once it‘s gone, you‘re grabbing his face and pulling him to you, connecting his lips with your own.

As much as you liked the mask, it had to be gone. You had to see his face.

Your legs tremble as you gasp, eyes rolling to the back of your head as he moves his hips at one reckless speed. Smirk forming on his lips, as he moves his hand from your hip to your neck, giving you a perfect heckles.

The moment you felt the pressure around your throat, combined with his hard moves <our body accrues up and you can feel the second your body breaks beneath him, orgasm hitting you so hard you can see the whole Universum behind your eyelids.

Not sure if it was from the choking or the orgasm, but it felt good either way.

,, Good girl, you‘re taking it so well‘‘ Touya is saying when your ears stop ringing, and you‘re finally catching your breath again.

His thrusts have slowed, working you through your orgasm, waiting until the pulsing is gone. and then once again, he‘s slamming his hips against you, reaching his own high and painting your walls white.

The two of you stayed in bed just like that, in your own world as always, far away from everyone else.

The two of you made your way back to others, once Touya was done cleaning you all up, before he was stating how you should actually go back there with his cum still inside you, since everyone should know that you‘re already taken.

His property

And no one else‘s.

[alec-not-alright-wood]

I‘m absolutely gutted and disappointed.

After all the campaigning, rewatching and even giving it the best Rotten Tomatoes score of all time (while Netflix did absolutely NOTHING for promotion), it wasn‘t enough.

Warrior Nun gave me comfort in so many ways. When first stumbling across it a few months ago, I thought that I couldn‘t handle the religious themes due to my upbringing in church and my friend, who resented me for my queerness and told me I‘d go to hell. But seeing religious trauma, QUEER religious trauma depicted so beautifully and carefully through Doctor Salvius and especially Beatrice really gave me so much hope and I will be forever grateful for that.

But now, knowing that canonically these characters don‘t really get a happy ending, it hurts.

I know that there will be fanfiction, but it won‘t be the same.

I really thought things would be different with Warrior Nun, but they‘re not.

And at this point, I‘m just really tired.

First Kill Cancellation hit and Warrior Nun hit even harder.

[ungalobrando]

Ugh I can feel that so hard. It's the most awkward thing to have to kick out a guest that's staying too long. I've never been good at it. My plus side is that I'm always the one going over to my BFs place so I can leave when I want but I can imagine that it's really tough

Im the same way. I'm very much okay with being on my own and that doesn't mean that I don't want him around. It's just that I don't want to be attached at the hip constantly. He wants me to move in and I'm just like "tbh I want my own room and space just for the sake of having space." I feel for you.

I‘m just the same way… the issue is when I go to his place I‘m dependent on his car because it’s so far from my home, and when I ask to go home he gives me the disappointed puppy whimper and the „is my house not nice darling“ and I really struggle to put my foot down when he does that because I feel like an asshole

And I also feel like an asshole when I‘m like sir I want you to leave

I don’t really know how to explain it to him anymore because I‘ve tried it in so many ways to make him understand… I‘m desperate for a solution. Because I adore him as a person but I‘m so burnt out that I just can‘t enjoy his presence anymore. I miss time with my friends. I want to see my friends WITHOUT him being present too. I always have to drag him along to every time I meet someone, every doctor’s appointment, every chore and every trip to the trashcan. I‘m so, so tired and the maximum of 12 hours I have to myself every day doesn’t cut it for me. Because he calls me in his breaks at work, he calls me DURING work, and I feel like I‘m so ungrateful. I spent so many years wishing for a partner and now that I have one I feel suffocated

[epsilontauri]

dealing with grief is so fucking wild.

one moment i‘m ok and packing my things into neat little moving boxes, and one second later i‘ll remember how she always greeted me in a sing-songy voice and immediately offered me food, tea or coffee when i walked in.

and then i weep because she’ll never do that again.

i when i‘m somewhat ok again, i‘m telling people around me who never got to meet her who she was, how she was, hoping to make her immortal by planting little parts of her in the knowledge and memory of other people.

like, the way she planted mint in the garden and instead of taking over, it barley grew— she was always so frustrated about it! how does the mint not grow at all?! she just wanted to make fresh mint tea. or the way she managed to keep a huge pot of sage alive without doing anything. how she was concerned every winter for the fern that she planted outside of her kitchen window. how she scribbled into all of her cooking books, especially when she liked a recipe. how she collected and build her own library, but kept mixing classics with fantasy and children’s books.

she wrote poems and short stories. i hope she wrote them all down somewhere and we‘ll manage to find them. she wanted to color her hair in a hot pink once the white hairs were more prominent. she asked her youngest son in the morning how many books she should take with her to read in the hospital after the surgery. she asked her second oldest son what kind of cake he wanted next week for his 33rd birthday. she always let her husband trim her long hair. she wasn’t crafty at all and couldn’t sew to safe her life (it was her husband who would fix everything with the sewing machine) but after she spent one summer looking after her grandmother as a teen, she learned how to knit socks and kept doing that.

she believed that magic is found in nature, and she showed me where to look for it. she was always making sure that everyone is treated fair. she accepted immediately that i‘m non-binary’s without any fuss and called me ain from then on. she even understood how i felt about womanhood and related to it, and she told me she’s probably nonbinary too, and i was almost crying in relief, bc my own mother was just crushed and weeping as if i just died in front of her. one time she was more excited to see me that her 3rd son (my ex), despite haven’t seen him in a long time too, bc i wasn’t around as often after i broke up with him after my outing. she loved harry potter but no longer wanted to read it after i told her about jkr’s transphobia.

and she loved halloween so much! she decorated the house in fake spider webs and was always a bit disappointed that no kids came over for candy, mostly due to the fact that her house is on the very end of a steep road up the hill. she loved moomin. i hesitated taking the mug with moomin-papa bc it was her favourite, but i took it bc she also knew that i liked it a lot. the coffee tasted less bitter in it.

i once tried to embroider her medieval dress and only managed to finish one side, but she was excited nonetheless about my work and proudly announced that it’s my work whenever someone pointed it out. i still have the rings that she gave me as a gift, and she wanted me to inherit a beautiful hand-painted wardrobe from 17-something, just because it was a wedding gift of the girl who happened to share my deadname and she still thought i was meant to have it, even if my name is a different one now.

gods, i miss her so much. she was less like a second mother and more of a friend to me. this shouldn’t have happened. she should be around and complain about the heat and how she gets tired more quickly while reading. she would tell me how this time, she would refuse to do the math exercises during recovery, even if it‘s important to monitor her brain function, and eventually admit that she would do them, but still has the right to complain about it bc of her dyscalculia, and i would send her pictures and videos of my cats to cheer her up.

i wanted to tell her that i found my person and that i‘m engaged and we’re planning to get married. i wanted her to meet my fiancé and see them both talk about movies and art and board games. i looked forward to see her excited smile and feel her crushing hug and her breathless „…but oh ain, that is so wonderful!“ i wanted to share my special interest in danmei with her and give her one of the books to read.

i just want her back. i want her to be around happy and healthy and enjoying retirement with her husband.

but she won’t. she’s gone.

[i-am-the-balancing-point]

No idea for how long I just played but it probably were around two hours. There were only two things I was genuinely excited about and looking forward to: Horses!!! and seeing Dani (I was also told lesbians but I didn’t expect them right in the beginning).

Dani, our beautiful lady! My needs were met. I love her so much. I wish I could kiss her irl. The horse part was severely underwhelming. I don’t even know what exactly I expected but there could have been so much more.

Also the graphics…? I am usually not that pressed about it but character models looked rather like PS3 (I’m playing on PS4, I’m sure it’s much more impressive on next gen but guyyyys ?!? you’re doing these characters dirty) Horse models looked better back on PS3 when I played assassins creed three. That is somehow disappointing.

My biggest pet peeve: you cannot throw rocks. I am hopefully either stupid and missed that part or they will introduce it later when I’ve made more progress bc I refuse to believe they got rid of the mechanic at all.

Visually the whole experience is way too cluttered for me personally. The user interface in general is overwhelming and confusing. (Also, again another personal pet peeve, but there is so much reading required when you go to the menu. I really don’t wanna bother with it. I just want to play and progress. At least at the start. For now I don’t wanna read all that and i do not have the focus to do so but I also kinda need to to properly play.) The map itself is large which is impressive and exciting but the way the zoom works makes using it absolutely atrocious! I would like to not zoom in in steps please? and I also want to zoom in more than it allows me to. It makes the map almost useless to me. I wish there was a better key to the map too. A similar issue with the mini map. It’s just not helpful to me because it’s zoomed out too far.

That made it especially difficult for me when I wanted to liberate a road block (those seem to have replaced outposts? I don’t know). I like to stealth and the mini map in FC3 helped me figure out which way enemies were looking. I am not sure if the mini map in FC6 does that too but I had trouble seeing the little dots in general… Enemy marking is unhelpful too. The markers only add to the visual clutter. I wish marked enemies would just stay marked like in other Far Cry games and not only appear behind objects when they are getting close. But then again I don’t even get to really try a stealthy approach because I cannot distract enemies by throwing rocks anyway. At first I did not even register the alarms. I was looking for them but just could not find them.

I am also no fan of the more RPG-esque style. Personally I liked crafting the way it was in FC3, something I missed in 5 actually, where you collected specific animal hides for bigger holsters etc. Personally, I just don’t like always having to seek out a workbench to craft something. Please just let me go to a shop and buy gun attachments. I do not even understand half of the symbols for materials anyways and I really do not care enough to look them all up.

Also incredibly irritating: The subtitles. If there is a way to turn off the auto translation of spanish terms please let me know because it just confuses me to not have what I’m reading match what I’m hearing. I am already confused and overwhelmed. :‘)

The intro sequence was super pretty and interesting but it felt strangely forced and so wannabe James Bond. Generally speaking, it is probably a nice game that has flaws like pretty much any other game but is just not Far Cry anymore. And that makes me fucking sad. So many creative people worked super hard to make this happen and I feel like I cannot even fully appreciate it because it is too far from what a part of the series should be.

It feels a lot like someone tried to make a bootleg FC but avoiding copyright issues at all cost. This breaks my heart. I wish I was able to enjoy it for what it is and not feel “robbed“ of another Far Cry. This is not the devs fault, just my personal issue, but it is still sad.

To be fair though, what I REALLY liked was how you do not have to hold down L3 anymore to keep moving a body after a takedown. I have big heart eyes for that and am mentally showing ubi my tits! The Characters are just as enthralling as I am used to. At least Dani, Clara and Juan are and I am head over heels for them. Especially Dani! She hits all my soft spots.

But Antón? I just don’t care about him. Also not about Diego. Such a shame. Far Cry always lived off their amazing antagonists and they really lucked out with Giancarlos. It makes me sad they did not make more out of it.

[alexalblondo]

glad we’ve all agreed on seb’s true form: spiteful bisexual

Press F in the chat for Mark Webber, proud heterosexual™️, who‘s been trying to tell us since 09!!!😂😂😂

[cuckoo-bananas]

this is wack

[teawinx]

The big ones

The big little babes

Ladynoire and Mister Bug! Or as I’ve renamed them Blue-Bell and Golden-Bug! I was originally gonna keep the original names, but I realised they no longer suited their new designs.

I hate canon Ladynoire’s design. I‘m sorry but I do. I think it’s because I’m tired of Marinette’s outfits all being the same skin tight catsuit with different haircuts. Where the variety? Chat Noir’s suit is really good because it’s segmented. Ladynoir honestly could be renamed Lady Gray, since they had to make her suit grey so she wouldn’t become an amorphis black void. It’s so boring. And why the green accents? Green just doesn’t suit her. Go with blue like her eyes, canon!

So she’s the most changed. I actually love her braid, but it doesn’t work in 3D. So she’s getting some Anime inspired drill buns for cat ears. My idea is for Chat Noir and Blue Bell to both be black cats, but Chat Noir is a short haired slinky cat while Blue Bell is a fluffy cat. So she has ruffles and a thicker tail cape. If they both have to be Black Cats, I still want them to be a variety of black cats.

Golden Bug. No it’s not a Tikki and Pollen unification. It’s just Tikki. I quite like canon Mister Bug, even if it’s just Chat Noir recoloured. It’s not that bad. And I didn’t want to make a couple of tiny changes. I wanted to go big. And I remembered that yellow Ladybugs exist, I had to do it. Plus in the rewrite they briefly exchange Miraculous around the time the love square is reverse. And guess what yellow Ladybug’s represent? A NEW LOVE. It’s perfect.

I got some help for Golden Bug! @gale-gentlepenguin​ gave some helpful critiques for his hair (it was originally gonna be a royal blue). And @hades-999​ for the weapon suggestion. They reminded me of some concept art for Ladybug where she creates a staff from the yo-yo. Since my Chat Noir requires a cane to walk, it fits him perfectly. And he’s yet again charmed that his weapon acknowledges and accommodates for him. But imma be real I don’t think he’d bother walking when he can fly. Just sayin’. He’s going to be so disappointed when he gets his ring back. And again I wonder if Tikki turns yellow to match her holder? I think so. And Plagg’s eyes would turn blue to match Blue Bell.

[shisnhou]

is it ok if i could request a songfic dabi x reader? hold on by chord overstreet? sorry if this is triggering, i’m just going through a tough time right now and need some fluffy dabi love

hold on

pairing: dabi x reader

genre: hurt/comfort

cw: vulnerability, mental battle, too much emotions, mention of emotional overload, reader is very sensitive. do tell if i missed any!

wc: 1.6k

an: anon i’m sorry this took me a very long time to finish

“doll open the door,” how many times has dabi repeated that phrase? three? four? maybe five. he doesn’t know, can‘t be bothered to care. his mind is way too occupied to even count. a hand is buried in his black spiky hair, the other fisted and pressed against the door that separates you from him. “we can talk about this. just open the damn door, will you?”

you respond with silence. you know that dabi could easily burn down the door to the bathroom you‘ve been hiding in for the past half hour. yet somehow he still hasn’t, and you‘re thankful for that. thankful that he still has the mind to give you space and not just burst through despite everything you said earlier.

you sigh once again. pulling your knees impossibly closer to your chest and running your hands through your face. you feel so small, so tired, so sick of it.

dabi lowers his fist to his side, sighs and closes his eyes. he presses his forehead against the door and lightly bangs his head against it. he doesn’t know what to do from here. he knows you‘re probably in a tough spot right now, knows you really didn’t mean to say all those things you did earlier. he doesn’t blame you, absolutely not. he knows that you need some space, and maybe some time to think about what you had said earlier. but he can‘t leave you here. not like this.

dabi damn well knows what it‘s like to be left in a headspace that‘s nothing but an empty void ready to eat you and shred you up until you‘re nothing but a mere quarter of what you truly were. god, he‘s so familiar to that feeling and he knows how bad it can get. he doesn’t want to leave you and allow you to wallow in that wreck. all he wants to do is be there with you and let know that he‘s right here, just for you.

".. if you want to talk about here, i‘m right here y‘know." he tries to say, hoping that you‘d at least answer with a hum. but to his disappointment, not even a hitched breath disrupts your breathing. "if you‘d just let me in baby, i swear i‘ll be right there."

silence. silence so loud he can barely hear the own sounds of his thoughts. silence so loud you can‘t hear your own breathing speeding up. it‘s all pure dullness throughout the whole house you’re sure you‘d hear a pin drop.

"if i let you in dabi— would you promise me one thing?" are the first words to leave past your lips in what feels like an eternity to dabi. a breath of relief leaves past his lips, allowing his shoulders to release all the tension that built up in it.

"anything doll. fuck, anything." it‘s so honest and painful. the desperation in his voice is filled with so much emotion even he himself can barely recognize it.

"after this," you sigh shakily, wrapping your hands around yourself. "let this be the last time we‘re meeting each other, eye to eye.“

dabi swears his heart stops. suddenly a familiar ring in his ears makes noise. breathing caught up in his throat as he tries to make out a proper thought in his suddenly clogged head. all emotions coming from every direction as he tries to think of something he can say in return, yet not a single one of them seem to make its way to the tip of his tied tongue. 

it becomes still for a second, as if the world has stopped and won’t start until you say something.

“dabi are you—”

“i’m here.” he breathes. he swallows his words that were about to be thrown to you from him. words that he’s sure he will regret saying. there’s not one sane thought in his head, not a single one of them passable enough to be said to you. sure enough he knows what you mean, he heard what you said, of course he did, loud and clear. but something in him doubts it. there’s no way you meant it. had you meant it, surely you would say it right to his face, not when there’s a door between you two. 

“you heard—”

“i’m coming in.”

there’s no hesitation nor emotion brought in with his voice. it is simply vacant, words simply said with nothing placed behind it and it catches you off guard. however before you can even react, the loud echo of the door being opened takes a yelp out of your weak body. 

and right there he stands. 

dabi looks at you, but he says nothing. cerulean eyes pointed at you, looking at you so deeply. silence is what blankets over you both. yet it is not the silence where in it brings comfort, rather it is something farther than that. silence so loud it blocks out the hurricane of thoughts in your overbearing head. you’re not sure if you should say something, walk out, or even just pretend that he doesn’t exist. there is not single plausible thought in your mind, everything is so unorganized it makes the aching pain in your head unbearable by the second. 

“you don’t mean that, don’t you?” dabi takes it up in himself to break the tense silence between you both. he does not mean to be that kind of pushy person— although he tends to be sometimes— when you are in a tough situation. however, if he does not quell that lingering feeling of heartbreak in his stapled and already fragile heart, he knows it will put an insufferable weight on his shoulders. “right, (y/n)?”

uncertainty fills your body. did you really mean what you told him? sure enough you did.. right? you said it, and you’re sure you wouldn’t say anything you mean aloud. unless you truly did commit such a dumb error while being at a vulnerable moment. 

“because if you did, then i don’t know— i’ll— i’ll go.” faux confidence drips from his words. a believable lie that comes from the top of his head is directed towards you. sure enough, he doesn’t know what to do at the moment. overloaded with too much emotion at the same time, dabi is shaken up. his already slipping sanity seeping through the huge holes that he patched up with you, holes that are now re-opening. “i’ll fucking leave if that is what you want.”

swallowing the bile in his throat dabi looks at your figure that is doubled over in-front of him. head buried in your hands, your hair is the only thing that meets his eyes. you’re shaking, terribly and he sees that. as sharp words form in his head  hurtful thoughts in his mind are starting to clog him up. however, amongst that messy sea dabi hears in a such a tiny voice, in your voice, and it tells him something. something that he has been wanting to hear through this jungle. 

‘please don’t leave.’

and there, those simple words coming from that tiny voice in his head pulls the reigns of his thoughts forcing it to a halt. it forces him to open all the five senses of his tattered body, allows him to hear the silent plea coming from you. and it urges him to go to you. he doesn’t even realize that his body has moved to its own accord and bring itself to you, up until he can see his arm situating itself on the top of your head ever so delicately. 

“i’m here.” is what he can hear himself say. it’s quite the opposite to what he said earlier, and so is the intention to his words. earlier, he had lied to you, lied all because that’s what he’s good at. he’s so good at lying and being hurtful, but this time, he’s being honest. this is what comes from his heart, not from his calculated mind. “i’m not going to leave.”

and then all of a sudden, he can feel you look up. dabi’s eyes meet with yours and he feels you tug him down. and down he goes, kneeling to the ground, body before yours. then, without even saying anything at all, he can feel your arms loop around his neck. then the dam breaks. a loud cry comes from you as your tears fall on his grafted skin, holding unto him so tightly, afraid that if your hold was anymore loose than now he’d make up his mind and leave you for good.

“don’t leave. please. you’re all i have.” you beg. plead even. and dabi’s sure he has never heard someone beg him like this. for his whole life, pleads that were directed towards him were always pleads of mercy, life, leaving them alone. not once was it ever like this. in an instance where someone has begged of him to stay with him and not leave. 

dabi doesn’t know how to react mentally. but his body, once again, moves on its own. in a way that dabi approves. his hands wrap themselves around you, holding you so tight you can feel the squeeze of his hold that brings nothing but comfort to your unorganized mind. it brings peace to your mind, halting the the internal war that keeps your mind in a tangle. 

“i won’t leave. okay? i won’t.” he assures you and he can feel you nod against his skin.

dabi never expected this. in his whole entire life that he would be holding someone this close. comforting someone in a such a way that he can feel his own heart beating loudly against his ears. he has never felt like this, felt so wanted, so needed to the point where it urges him to stay and not leave like he always does. and it feels so good. so good to the point where he feels like he can stay like this forever. so good that he knows he will never let this go. so good to the point where he, a man like himself, knows that this is the love he has been deprived of. 

content belongs to @shisnhou on tumblr! do not repost, copy, use, or modify!

[yano2519]

I‘m not a SC shipper but I like them both together, because is always nice and funny. I have watched almost all of Sam and Cait's movie outside of OL because I like them both and I think they are also good actors.

But I must say that I find Cait's action now, not to participate in the OL event very unprofessional and I also lost some respect towards her. This behavior clearly shows that she doesn't care about the OL fans (all of them, not just the ones she addressed in the vanity article) or is tired of them or the series in general.

It's just important to me to say that neutral fans are also disappointed by her behavior (and I've talked to some who see it the same way) and not only Shipper, as it is always communicated.

By the way I like the way you present the view in many of your posts.

Thank you Anon for addressing what I have been thinking for some time.

I think Cait/Starz are underestimating that with the season 6 promo, they're putting a lot of fans on the spot, not just shippers as they always like to claim.

I'm convinced that they totally underestimate how many fans would have liked to see them together after 2 long years, especially since there hasn't been a single virtual interview between the two yet.

Cait seems to put all her eggs in the Belfast basket at the moment and it has to be said, that Starz supports this, otherwise she wouldn't be able to go through with it.

But I think and here I am almost sure that except for maybe an IFTA or BAFTA award for best supporting actress not much will happen, I don't see her as a SAG winner. Whether this will have a pushing effect on her further career remains to be seen.

But what I find most unprofessional is Starz's decision to announce only one day before the premiere, who will be there and who will not. If they had communicated that from the beginning, many fans probably wouldn't feel so put upon.

And by the way, you can see quite clearly now how much the contents of the SM statements, interviews , etc. are worth, I'll just say this much "the whole gang will be there".

If I now assume how many have taken Sam's statement as fact, then you can roughly imagine what will now be going on in the fan circles, on SM, etc..

I may have to take this back at some point, but I'm almost certain that with season 7 OL will end, or at least Jamie&Claire's story will.

[miiamour]

i’ll love you forever

fem!reader x regulus black

summary: regulus tries to save you from him.

warnings: death, breakup, fighting, mention of cheating, sirius & regulus argument, y/n being hopelessly in love.

word count: 1.5k

italics+sectioned: past scenes

italics+small: letters

a/n: i’m sorry if this is bad i’ve been very unmotivated and insecure ab my writing lately.

⊱ ──── ˗ˏˋ✧*♡*✧´ˎ˗ ────⊰

you never thought it was possible to love someone as much as you loved regulus. he wasn’t perfect, he had his flaw like one does, but he was yours; and he’d always be.

regulus adored his brother, despite the different views. regulus grew up watching his brother get punished and abused for being different, so regulus did what his parents said. he believed in the same morals as them and his life was easier.

when he was sixteen, he got the dark mark. you remember him crying in your arms, repeatedly apologizing to you.

—

“i’m sorry y/n” his head buried in your chest and his arms clutching onto your body “they wanted me too, i couldn’t disappoint them! sirius’ is already gone, i didn’t know what else to do!” he cried out.

when he said sirius’ name, it must’ve sparked something. his grip on your body became right her and his sobs louder, despite being muffled in your chest.

“sirius. oh my— sirius! he’s going to hate me” he sobbed at the thought of his brother resenting him.

—

it had been 2 years since that night and it had only gotten worse; he had gotten worse.

he was temperamental and he had the tendency to lash out at you now more than ever. you understood how difficult his life was and the expectations his parents had given him. the last thing he wanted to do was not excede his parents expectations.

he asked you dozens of times why you were still with him, how could you be with him. the answer was simple; you love him. you never could have broken up with him, this was just a rough patch in the path to your happily ever after— at least that’s what you told yourself.

you recalled the times that he’d sneak into your dorm in the middle of the nights and come up with crazy plans of running away together and escaping all of life’s problems; no more abusive parents, no more responsibilities, just the two of you. somewhere warm in the summer for picnics dates and cold in the winter to stay by the fireplace.

but those plans were just dreams. the more you thought about it, it was heartbreaking. no sixteen year old should fantasize about escaping life but that was what came with being regulus black’s girlfriend.

you remembered you had once walked in on regulus having a heated argument with his older brother about their family. sirius seemed as if he had gone mad, the only way you could describe it was pure rage, his eyes were full of bitterness and resentment. regulus could see the disappointment in his brothers face.

—

“i can’t believe you! how could you possibly do this! how stupid are you?” sirius screamed out, his face a bright shade of crimson red.

“how could i? are you kidding me? you left and i didn’t know what to do! some bloody brother!” regulus shouted back. you had been standing at the door way, neither of them noticing you until you began to walk away.

“oi! and who’s this, hmm? death eater girlfriend? i bet she’s just as bad as you” sirius ridiculed, his arms flaying towards you.

“don’t you dare talk about her like that!” regulus stepped in front of sirius.

without another word sirius walked out, his shoulder grazing yours as he left. regulus sat on the edge of his bed, aggressively running his hands through his hair. you slowly walked over to him, you were met with dark hazed eyes— he was so tired of everything. you just wanted to hold him and tell him everything was okay, but you couldn’t possibly lie to him.

—

everything that has happened with him led you to where you are now.

you sat atop his bed, patiently waiting for him to come back from class. you looked around his dorm, at his wall where photos and articles of the dark lord were previously plastered. you weren’t sure what happened but he suddenly wasn’t a big fan of him after he came home from holiday.

“oh, hello darling, i didn’t know you were here” regulus walked in, interrupting your thoughts.

“I‘m sorry, do want me to—” you pointed to the door.

“no, stay, i actually needed to talk to you” regulus replied as he took of his robe and loosened his tie. you could tell it was serious, he sat in front of you and looked at you, lovingly. he gently grabbed the side of your face, admiring you.

in spite of his sweet actions, there was an unsettling feeling bubbling in your stomach.

“you’re so pretty” he mumbled under his breath before shaking his head, bringing himself back to the topic of importance. “there’s something i need to tell you but you need to know that i love you...” he breathed out and shifted uncomfortably.

you noticed an expression of sorrow painted across his face. his eyes were dull and sunken, as they were most of these days. you took his hand in yours “i love you too.” you squeezed his hand gently “what is it reggie? is everything alright? i know you’ve been stressed but it’s all going to be okay—”

“i slept with someone else”.

the worrisome bubble that was previously forming in your stomach exploded, only it turned into a fulminate of agony.

“reg... how could— w-why?” you said lowly. you subconsciously moved away from him, you hands letting go of his. honestly, you didn’t even realize that you were still holding his hand.

“i’m sorry, y/n” he muttered, looking down at his fingernails.

you gently grabbed his face in your hands so that he was looking at you and brushed the hairs out of his face “h-how could you?” tears brimmed your eyes and your voice was small and shaky.

he slept with someone else. the worst part was that is that despite this, you’d still love him. even if part of you was telling you that you should hate him, you don’t think you ever could.

he kept silent, looking at you with tiresome eyes— it seemed impossible that those lifeless eyes were once filled with happiness, not despair.

“it’s okay” you mumbled, a single tear falling down your face. you hummed as you stroked his soft skin, following the curve of his cheekbones. his eyes were puffy and red, resembling yours. you leaned into his shoulder because for once, you wanted him to hold you. you wanted him to tell you everything was going to be okay— even if it wasn’t.

regulus cradled your head as you sobbed in his shoulder. as much as you didn’t want to cry to him about him. you had no one else. all of your friends left you shortly after you began dating regulus because they didn’t see the sweet boy that you did— or the sweet boy that you saw.

“how c-could you? i gave you everything. three years, reggie, three years! of your bullshit. i stayed with you through everything, how could you do this to me? i was with you during everything and you just threw it all away!” you mumbled in his shoulder as you gripped onto his white shirt.

“i hate you” you whispered, but loud enough for him to hear. regulus sobbed quietly as you vociferated into his shoulder. you two stayed like that for what felt like hours, holding onto one another for what you didn’t know would be the last time.

it had been months since you last heard from him. you had both graduated from hogwarts never having spoken again. to be completely honest, you still hadn’t gotten over him. it seemed impossible, as many times as you stated that you hated him. deep down, you knew that you never could because he was your true love.

it was late at night, nearly midnight, when an owl had knocked on your window with a letter. an unfamiliar owl, but very familiar hand writing. the envelope read:

‘to: y/n y/l/n’

‘from: regulus black’

every thought of happiness quickly disappeared as you opened the letter and read the first line. you never thought you could possibly feel this excruciating.

the boy that you vowed to love forever was gone.

you had no idea what to do, you’re vision was blurry and tears filled your eyes, uncontrollably falling down your face. you ran outside and you would have looked mad to other people but you didn’t care, not in the slightest. you screamed, yelled, begged at the moon and stars. how could they have taken him away.

“bring him back, please. bring him back. i need him, my love” you pleaded, you collapsed on your knees and sobbed— wishing that he could hold you like he did that last time.

—

dear y/n,

by the time you’re reading this, i’m probably already dead. you see, i’ve found out why lord voldemort is immortal and i’m planning on destroying it. i hope you understand that, everything i’ve ever done was for you. i want you know that i never cheated on you, there’s wasn’t nor is there anybody in this world who could’ve loved me the way you did. it’s been difficult, living without my true love. but i’ve managed, as will you. goodbye y/n. i’ll love you forever.

—

taglist: @keepawaythenargles @anywherebuthere @myloveforluna click here to join my taglist<3

[blessedtobebangtan]

TELLING THEM YOU WANT A BREAK

HYUNG LINE

WARNING(S): yander, cursing, manipulative, suggestive gestures

Jin

You watched as Jin paced back and forth as he had been for the past five minutes.

“ Y/N, I shower you with my love, the most expensive gifts, the rarest of foods...”, he trailed off as he stopped pacing and looked over at you with a disappointed expression, “ and it’s still not enough for you.”

You looked down feeling a bit ashamed although you had no reason to, “ J-Jin, that’s n-not how I f—”

He rushed over to you with tears in his eyes and lovesick written all over his face, “ Then, tell me what it is you’re feeling.”

“ A break. I feel like we need a break.”

Jin narrowed his eyes at you causing you to shift a bit in your sea, “ A break ?”

You held your eye contact with the hope that he finally understood you.

He wiped the single tear that had fallen on his cheek and cleared his throat, “ You’re right.”

You smiled and began to thank him as you stood to your feet.

“ You and I both need a break from the outside world.”

Immediately, you stopped and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “ What ?”

“ A couple months from the outside should do us both good- make us stronger as a couple.”

Your eyes widened as he explained his plans. You just stood still in shock.

Jin laid a soft kiss on your slightly parted lips before turning to make some phone calls.

“ Thank you for bringing this to my attention, baby.”

Yoongi “ I just think a break would be in our best interest, right now.”, you said quietly, but just loud enough for him to hear as he continued to walk back up to your shared bedroom.

“ Yoongi, will you please at least act like you care what I‘m saying for my sake ?”, you raised your voice a bit to stop him from further climbing the steps.

He came to a halt shocking you a bit that he actually listened to you. You heard his a soft sigh and began to became a bit more nervous as he turned around to look at you.

“ Y/N, you want a break ?”

You nodded slowly with a tired expression.

Yoongi nodded as well and began to walk down the stairs in your direction.

“ From each other ?”, he said pointing in between the both of you.

” Yes, Yoongi, that’s usually how breaks work.”

He scoffed, “ We are perfectly fine, right now, there’s no need to say such dramatic things.”

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms, “ I feel suffocated and you never take anything I say serious- just like now.”

He changed his expression to a sweet one faster than you could process and began to walk up to you, “ Babe, I‘m sure that whatever doubts you may be having is just your moodiness talking.”

Yoongi pulled your head into his to lay a soft kiss on your forehead that only seemed to anger you more because he still wasn’t taking you serious.

“ Now, will you please calm down before you anger me.”, he said softly causing your face to drop at his nonchalant tone, “ I love you, but sometimes you say the dumbest things.”

He took hold of your hand swiftly with a smirk, “ Let’s head upstairs to see what I can do to change your mind, yeah ?”

Hoseok

“ A break ?”, Hoseok repeated after you, quietly.

You nodded gently trying to give time to comprehend your words.

“ For how long ?”, he asked, softly.

Your eyes widened a bit not expecting to actually hear you out.

“ Um.. I’m not exactly sure about that, b-but just some time apart.”

He turned away from you and kissed your cheek before standing up to walk towards the staircase.

You stood to up as well and call for him to which he turned with a confused expression, “ Where are you going ?”

“ To move my things into the guest room.”

Your mouth unhinged and your eyes widened, “ For what ?”

He chuckled lightly, “ You said, you needed some space, so I’m putting some space between us.”

To say that was least expected was understatement, you could barely form a sentence, but managed to speak up after a couple of seconds, “ Hoseok, that’s not exactly what I meant, I-I-“

Hoseok smiled brightly at you before coming back down to pet you and lay another soft kiss on your forehead, “ It’s alright, it’ll just be a week or so and I’ll be right back, alright.”

You subconsciously nodded and he laughed, “ Well, I better get moving, huh ?”

Namjoon

Namjoon snorted as he laughed loudly in your face.

You began to blush a bit even though you had a feeling he might act this way. He wiped a fake tear before looking you in the eye, again.

“ I know you think you’re an independent woman, but I’ve been supporting you since we started dating, do you really think you can make it without me ?”

You crossed your arms with a bit of a pout as you stood up, “ Namjoon, I was making my own decision and doing just fine before I met you- I’m sure I can survive a couple of weeks without you.”

With those next words, Namjoon stood up as well and eyed you up and down, “ A few weeks.”

It was true- you lived Namjoon, but you didn’t need him to survive. However Namjoon just couldn’t be without you.

But, of course he would never tell you that.

You nodded as you uncrossed your arms.

He sighed as he thought quickly, “ A few weeks without me ? Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic ?”

“ Well, I j-”

“ Because without me- they’ll be no one to pay for your parents‘ bills, no one to pay your sister’s tuition.”

Your lips parted as he continued to list everything that he had provided for you. Only making you feel horrible for suggesting this break.

” Do I need to go on ?”, he asked with a very irritating smirk, but you didn’t even care.

You shook your head and looked at your feet in embarrassment.

He lifted your head up by your chin and poured in mockery of you, “ Hey, it’s alright, baby, you don’t know any better- that’s why I’m here for you and I always will be.”

maknae line coming soon <3

[sonnefuchs]

Ledecestre

Pairing:  Ivarr Ragnarsson x Reader

Warning: sexy vibes

Looking around, you stayed away from the patrolling guards as you searched for Ivarr.

“Where is he?”  You whispered from your hood.

Eivor had sent you on ahead to find Ivarr in Ledecestre, promising to be right on your heels.

So many guards!  You were getting tired of narrowly avoiding them and ducking into shadows and bushes.  Spluttering from your last leap into a bush, you spat out a few green prickles and brushed them from your cape.

This was getting ridiculous, where was that Ragnarsson holed up?  Looking up, you thought you saw a figure pacing from a tower.

“No...  This whole time?”  You muttered, disappointed in yourself you didn’t check the high ground to begin with.  A deep sigh and you gripped the stony wall and scratched your way up the tower.

Arriving at the top of the tower you saw a familiar figure scanning the horizon.  Unfortunately for you, fully clothed this time.

“Wait, what?”  You thought to yourself as you tried to shake the memory of your first meeting.  The ink of runes on his skin etched into your mind.

Scrabbling over the top, you fell slightly lost in thoughts best saved for a later time.

Ivarr spun around and pulled his axe raised in your direction.  His brows relaxed and he replaced his axe as he saw you pull your hood from your face.

“My, my, little mouse, you are so quiet.  The Saxons never had chance with catching you.”

Walking over, he held out his arm for you to grab.  Grasping his arm, he pulled you to your feet, his strength surprising you as you were not light and he was not a towering man like Sigurd.

“Not many can catch me.”  You replied, looking up at him, tracing his scar with your gaze.

“Would you bet on it?”  He smiled, blue eyes studying you.

“Depends on what kind of reward.” 

“I can think of a few.”  He purred, fingers slowly running up your arm, caressing.

You laughed and let go of his arm, realizing you were still holding it.  Leaning against the wall, you appraised him with y/e/c eyes.

“I came as soon as I could, Eivor sent me on ahead, she will be here once she’s finished something.  Have you found Burgred?”

“Not yet, but he could be cowering within these walls.  I sent a scout in, we will know soon once he returns.  Had you come earlier, you would have made a find scout with such light a touch as yours.”

“You must place great faith in this scout to send him alone and not yourself.

He nodded thoughtfully.  “I see great things in this one.”

"And we just wait?"  You asked, already feeling the itch to explore and probe the Saxon’s defenses.

Ivarr shrugged.

"We can throw rocks at the Mercians below.”  He picked up a piece of stone crumbled off the aging tower.

"Wouldn't that just draw unwanted attention to us?" You asked, furrowing your brow."

"Define unwanted..." Ivarr grinned.

"Fine, fine." He dropped the stone to the floor.

"We could just have sex instead." He said nonchalantly.

You paused, considering it though not sure if he were serious. Up here, surrounded by Mercian soldiers. Though...the thought wasn't unappealing.

His grin widened as he watched your eyes think about it.

Before you could answer a hand shot over the wall and Eivor's head peaked over.

“Good timing, we would have stormed the place without you.”  Ivarr called out to Eivor.

Eivor looked at your warmed face and over to Ivarr.  Raising a brow at you she stalked over to Ivarr.

“What have you seen?”  Eivor asked.

“Soldiers aplenty.  Wagons going in and out.  That weasel Burgred is here, I‘m sure of it.  The bathhouse there, and that church, see?  I sent a scout to check them both.  Should be back at any moment.”

"Who is your scout if Y/N waits with you."  Eivor asked, concern clear in her eyes.  You shook your head at her, unsure who he had sent in as well.

"One keen to prove his abilities.  Did you see Ubba and Sigurd in Templebrough?"  Ivarr changed the subject.

“No.  And if Burgred is hiding here, I won’t have to.”

“There is a lot we would not have to if we stuck to killing kings.  Thanks to my brother, now we are into making them.”

“No small tension between you two.  Thought you’d be more like-minded.”  Eivor asked, slightly surprised.

“You and Sigurd...you always see eye to eye?”  Ivarr said knowingly.

“More often than not.”  Eivor shrugged looking away, thoughts of her dreams and the seers words coming back to her.

“You are still young.  You live to my age and you will see.  The closer you get, the greater the stink that rises.”

A silence fell between the two as Eivor chewed over his words.

You sat down, running your hands over the rocks strewn about.  Maybe throwing rocks at the Mercians below wasn’t such a bad idea.  The idleness had you itching to start trouble.

"Time’s up for your scout, I’d say.  He’s either dead or run off."  Eivor broke the silence.

“Give him a chance.”  Ivarr waived her off.

“Can’t risk them seeing us and Burgred slipping away again.  You stay here and wait for your scout with Y/N.  I’m going in.”

“Fine, but Wolf-kissed, don’t be disappointed when Y/N and I have all the Mercians to ourselves.”  Ivarr pulled his axe out and nodded to the soldiers patrolling below.

“Keep an eye on him.”  Eivor muttered to you as she swept past and over the wall, descending from the tower.

“Just you and me now, little mouse.  How about a game?”  Ivarr asked with a wicked grin.

Holding a rock in your hand, you stood back up, and looked down at the soldiers below.  Surely Eivor wouldn’t mind if they had a little fun...