#i wrote this tired

[corkinavoid]

Tim, internally: I need to make sure my family doesn't start the shovel talk the moment we appear, I can do this, I just need to introduce him the right way

Tim, walking into the dining room, hand in hand with Danny: Bad news, Damian's grandfather stole my spleen four years ago. Good news, my boyfriend of six months returned it to me yesterday and even installed it back!

Danny, the picture perfect image of innocence: Hi!

The Batfam, who knew nothing about the missing spleen or the mere existence of a boyfriend in Tim's life: wh-

[secretly-a-trekkie]

[dcxdpdabbles]

Danny running into a room: Hide me!

Tim: Under my desk! Quick!

Danny: *Jumping the desk* Thank you!

Security Guard running in: Mr. Drake-Wayne! Have you seen a suspicious man pass through here?

Tim: Hmm? No. Is something happening?

Security Guard: A while ago, someone reported that a homeless man was found sleeping in one of our less used bathrooms. It looks like he had been staying there for a while. He had an entire camp set up. He ran as soon as the security was called but we think he's still in the building.

Tim: Wow that's crazy. Hope you catch him

Security Guard: Thank you. I suggest you move down to level 1 until we're sure he's not a danger.

Tim: Of course. I'll be right there.

Tim: *Moving his wheel chair back to stare into Danny's eyes* He's gone.

Danny: Thank you so much for hiding me.

Tim: You're welcome. Take off your clothes

Danny: Excuse me?

Tim: Switch into one of my spare suits. We're going to pretend you're my guest and walked you right pass security.

Danny: Who keeps seven spair complete suits at work?

Tim: *Holding up two ties* I do. Now, this Aqua blue makes your eyes pop, but this classic black with silver stripes gives you a mysterious aura. What are we feeling?

Danny: ....the blue one is nice.

[thekaiserroll]

Hug

It's nearly impossible to have a quiet and peaceful day with the crew, like the strawhats. Nami is mostly used to the noise on Going Merry but one day she gets fed up with Zoro and Sanji arguing. Not only are they extremely loud, but they've also already broken way too many things during their fights.

She decides that If they want to act like brats, then she's going to treat them as such. So she makes them apologize and hug each other in silence for an hour. None of them are happy about this punishment, but Nami threatened to raise Zoro's debt, and Sanji couldn't say no to her. It could be worse.

It's awkward enough for them to not incite any fight for a long time and Nami is quite proud of herself. She knows it won't last forever but at least now she knows how to handle them. It inevitably happens again. And again. And again.

Much to her surprise, those fights became more and more frequent. And what's even weirder is that she could see the way both Zoro and Sanji occasionally glanced at her to make sure she was nearby. It's almost as if they wanted someone to make them hug each other. As if they needed an excuse.... these idiots.

Soon, they don't even need Nami's help. When they aren't busy training, cooking or fighting, they cuddle together. Sometimes Luffy or Chopper would join them, but most of the crew knew it was their time.

After two years spent separately, they became extremely clingy. It's no surprise when they start sleeping in the same bed. What is surprising is that despite them behaving like a lovey-dovey couple, those oblivious idiots are STILL unaware of each other's feelings.

[capricoopla]

The Chemist

Slugcat whom I stole the nose of and slapped it back on its back

[konigsblog]

riding simon riley...

cw: female reader, female anatomy.

mdni - 18+ - minors will be blocked.

the smell of simon's musk and cologne fills your nostrils, prominent in the air as you grind your wet cunt against his hard, thick boner. your slick pussy drools onto his stiff shaft, his burly arms behind his head as he smirks up at you, watching the effect he has on you. you're a fucking mess; slick, panting, and your breathing laboured and heavy. you roll your eyes to the back of your head, rubbing your clit in soft, soothing circles as you tighten your core.

you sit up, angling the head of his dick against your slit, to your tight hole. slowly, you ease down onto him, each inch of his lengthy cock sliding into your slicken pussy. you whimper quietly, simon quietly chuckles at you, pushing your hips down and thrusting up into you, a grin stained on his face as you begin bouncing. you rock your hips, bouncing onto his weeping dick and looking down at him breathlessly.

“go on, baby... play with you’r nipples, yeah?”

your moans come out stuttered and loud, eyes watering due to your growing orgasm as you bounce on his hard cock, toying with your hard, perky nipples. you ride him so well; taking his big cock perfectly just like he expects. he grunts out, groaning hoarsely at the pulsing sensation of your pussy around his dick, your cunt drooling onto him. “c’mon, takin’ me so well. let’s get faster, hmm?” he encourages, grinding up into you and working your hips down onto his lap.

you yelp out when you feel him push against your cervix, his pink tip rubbing at your cervix back and forth as you bounce faster onto him. looking down at him lustfully, you moan out, playing with your hardened nipples as your orgasm washes through you unexpectedly, walls tightening and spamming around him as you cum down his veiny dick, riding him weakly as your thighs tremble like jelly, unable to balance yourself as you become dizzy and fucked-out stupid. he breathes heavily, chuckling at the mess of you and squeezing your waist tightly, hard enough to leave dark bruises as he bucks his broad hips skywards into your hole once again, shooting strings of his potent load into your sopping pussy.

“did so well, darlin’...”

[kovacs-on-ice]

Why Halo: Reach (campaign) is a trainwreck.

A lovable trainwreck, don't get me wrong, but a trainwreck nonetheless.

So Halo Reach is one of those games that leaves a community divisive, it was the first halo game to not have a universally loved reception among the community at large. I think it's a fun game, a really fun game, I adore it's multiplayer and the hours my friends I spent dicking around in forge world. It also has the best armor system Halo's ever had to date, infinite can suck my ass--I'm not paying 15 dollars for a shader. You ain't D2, you can't pump and dump my wallet.

ANYWAY

Reach is such an interesting case, out of universe, as it feels like such an out of character move by bungie. Let's consider for a moment, that the same company that tried to stop the release of fall of reach WEEKS before it's release, was notoriously uncooperative with ensemble studios(people who made Halo Wars), who had a game director undercut the books of the series he was making(And it was Staten, if you could believe it. It's on an old 2000s podcast.) decided--"YES, LETS GO DEEP INTO THE LORE, OUR FAVORITE PART OF THIS FRANCHISE. WHILE WE'RE AT IT, LETS USE THE SPARTAN-IIIs" ?????? Does this not feel weird to anyone else?

If you look at vidocs for reach, and other behind the scenes content, it's said that they wanted to do their own thing, and ignore the books. which if that's what they want to do, sure, fuck it.

Then why did they include First Strike references (radio logs you can hear on certain levels/maps) or HAVE NOBLE TEAM BE ALL IIIS

This is the thing that gets me the most. Halo Reach, legit, feels like Bungie's last middle finger to microsoft at certain points. Reach is the home of the Spartans, well the IIs really. It's what gives the planet, and it's destruction, such significance to characters like Chief, or Fred, or any II. That was their home, that's the closest they have to a childhood burning at the stake.

So why, do tell, DID YOU MAKE NOBLE TEAM IIIs

THEY HAVE ZERO CONNECTION TO REACH

THEY GREW UP ON ONYX

What also confuses me here, is that it's not like they gave a shit about how many IIs were in Red Flag. THEY MADE THE GAMES, THATS THEIR LORE. THEY COULDVE JUST MADE UP IIs. The reason that First Strike can be such a gut punch at certain points, is because the IIs are watching their homes burning all around them, and they can do n o t h i n g about it. It's tragic, and it makes their survival in the remnants of the glassed planet even more perilous.

I love First Strike, if you couldn't tell. If Ghosts of Onyx didn't exist, it'd be the best halo book. I'm not gonna defend this opinion because it's right.

And Bungie wrote entire CVs and A FUCKING MESSAGE BETWEEN KURT AND MENDEZ in the leadup to Reach. They did all this legwork for the pay off of having characters unrelated to the conflict they were fighting.

also, I know Jorge is a II, I WILL GET TO JORGE.

Reach was planned, in development, as this giant military campaign first . Check the vidocs/behind the scenes videos, I think Marty O'Donnell is the one who says it. (also marty was the dude who had miranda and johnson die in 3, he edited that in, check the making of Halo 3. Who kept letting the audio director fuck with the script?)

There is a big, big problem with making the battle of Reach a military campaign, however.

In FOR, the kicker about the battle of reach is that it wasn't even a battle. The Covenant overwhelmed the UNSC's fleet and flooded the planet groundside, the battle was incredibly shortlived. I think only a day. Chief went from having near 30 of his siblings living and in the field, to being the only spartan in active combat.

First Strike keeps this narrative too. The Spartans never get to fight their valiant last stand. The loss of the fleet makes the different splinters of Red Team retreat to their various fallback points. Fred, Kelly and Joshua kill an invading army of covenant, sure, but the rest of the Spartans prevent were handling a variety of what-the-fucks

I do think that a theme that carries from book to game is fighting in the face of hopeless odds, which I like.

In the game, Reach is invaded by a smaller covenant fleet and ONI just....never tells the rest of the planet? It's the long night of solace, a big cloaked super carrier, and a few destroyers. (Unironically, the lore for this is that the Shipmaster of Solace came to reach on the search for forerunner artifacts, realized he was in way over his head, and just tried to get his fleet to 1-man all of reach before the prophets got too mad.

which is funny, in retrospect, because right after he eats shit--Thel shows up in the big boy fleet. I wonder how that conversation went down with the surviving officers.)

In FoR, they bring the IIs back to Reach to prep for Red-Flag and to get them the Mark V upgrade. Same thing with the pillar of autumn.

This happens by August 27th. Chief was already on the planet beforehand for a few days to debrief highcom about Sigma Octanus IV, that's beside the point. It's to be assumed that there were a sizable amount of IIs on Reach in the weeks before, since they were being pulled from a variety of fronts, and slipspace travel means everyone would've gotten there at different times. Chief was also leading a force of 12 Spartans at Sigma Octanus IV, the battle right before reach, so I assume they came with him.

August 30th---OOPS, ALL COVENANT

The battle starts as FoR-First Strike say it does on the 30th, AND THAT SAME FUCKING DAY THE PLANET IS LOST.

---------

In Reach, the game, the covenant were found on reach JULY 24TH. THAT IS WHEN THEY PRESS THE "OH FUCK, WINTER CONTIGENCY" BUTTON. If you go by the game, it seems like there's just all out warfare across the planet after that point. The mission after is Noble Team defending Castle Base from a Covenant Corvette (also, like, it's goofy as fuck to think that no one outside the select military participating in these engagements did not, or hear about, the giant space marine animal firing death from above. I doubt the covenant gave a shit about which humans they turned to ash knew about them, after their presence was found out.)

So most of Reach's Campaign happens, including the huge fucking battle at Szurdok Ridge. You know the battle that had scarabs and scorpion tanks casually duking it out in the background, same battle that they used a MAC round in atmosphere in?

By August 13th, 60 percent of the UNSC fleet is recalled to defend reach. Not too long after that, Noble Team kills the super carrier. Then what I assume is Thel's fleet shows up as in the cutscene it shows a massive fleet entering the system immediately after the solace's destruction. After that is the battle of new alexandria, which ends august 23rd.

The game and the book link up on August 30th, as Noble team delivers the other half of cortana. (Halsey split her into two so she could continue her forerunner research, also, halsey never talks about meeting Noble Team in First Strike. Jun literally escorted her to Castle Base. In her journals that came with Reach's deluxe edition, I think there is a few pages of her freaking the fuck out about them. Not-so-concidentally Eric Nylund also wrote that Journal.)

343 tried to link the game and book stories together, and the result was--

Oni predicted there was a 67% of reach being found, just let it happen, no I am not joking.

The battle of reach up until where FoR picks up is just on one side of the planet, somehow they contain it so the planet doesn't freak out. I do not know how, the covenant were fucking EVERYWHERE.

ONI also let the long night of solace pally about, they were mad when Noble Team blew it to high hell because they wanted to use it for Red Flag.

THEY BROUGHT ALL THE IIs BACK TO REACH, MID INVASION, AND JUST DIDN'T TELL THEM UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE???? ALSO, IF THE PLANET WAS BEING INVADED BY THE COVENANT, WHY DID YOU NOT USE ONE OF THE MANY ORBITAL MAC CANNONS.

This is a GOOFY retcon, I swear to god.

It takes them like, an entire fucking month, to get the fleet to Reach. I'd also like to mention, KEYES LEAVES THE BATTLE AND LANDS ON REACH SO HE CAN PICK UP CORTANA FOR THE LAST MISSION. CHIEF WAS LITERALLY NAPPING DURING THIS. I'M SURE HE WOULD'VE LOVED TO HELP NOBLE SIX AND EMILE OUT IF THEY WOKE HIM THE FUCK UP.

@zitasaurusrex

I apologize if this was hard to read, and tbh I probably also missed stuff li-WAIT I FORGOT

IN HALO REACH THEY HAVE A SEVEN PART RADIO MESSAGE STORY ABOUT BETA RED, SPLIT ACROSS FIREFIGHT AND MULTIPLAYER MAPS. THE SPARTANS WHO WERE LEFT TO DEFEND THE GENERATORS. THEY'RE CHATTING ABOUT THEM AS THEY'RE PUNCHING UP TO THESE TANK SQUADRONS BAREHANDED. BUNGIE, BUNGIE, THIS IS ALREADY A MESS, WHY ARE YOU INCLUDING THIS. Edit: I realize I never got to Jorge. I think it's stupid to have Jorge be in noble team because it SHOWS they thought about the concept of what reach being invaded would mean to a II. They just didn't care enough to expand on it in any substantial way.

[aleixis]

isagi's the sweetest bf ever, and never forgets to get you flowers on anniversaries !!

even though he's stuck in blue lock, he always makes sure to deliver flowers to your house when the one year mark comes around <3 he'll spend the little free time he has on his phone, scouring through the collection of flowers at shops near your house and nearly dropping his phone on his face out of shock for how high shipping is, but he'll endure through !

he'll even consult the opinions of his fellow teammates, taking every chance he has to shove his phone into hiori or kurona's face, asking what they thought of a different shade of pink for the 4th time in a row. they might be a tiny bit sick of him constantly fawning over you, him constantly talking about you to them, but that doesn't mean he'll ever stop; over his dead body he wouldn't.

with the ring of a doorbell, you find a delivery worker with a large bouquet of multi-colored tulips on your doorstep. he asks, "from an isagi yoichi?" you smile in response, thanking him and taking the bouquet into your arms. the bouquet came with a small note attached, reading, "roses are red, violets are blue, no matter what flower, i choose you!"

bonus — your parents constantly tease you for the comically large bouquet you got from yoichi, and you still have no clue how he had the money to buy and ship a bouquet of that size !!

taglist : @why2277 @koffeekat @skullvgirl @saioratral @fishii28

[crystallinestars]

I think Aventurine would be too afraid to ask you out directly, so instead he would get you to play a game with him. Can be poker, a coin flip--anything really. The only rule is that the loser has to do anything the winner wants.

Of course, Aventurine wins, and with a smug grin tells you to accompany him for the rest of the day. He asks the right questions to sneakily deduce where you would want to go if given the opportunity (aquarium, museum, the movies, etc) and takes you there under the guise of being curious what's so special about that place.

He splurges to dress you up in fancy clothes, pays for all your meals, and buys you anything that catches your eye. No expense is too big when it comes to pampering you, but he'll laugh it off as him trying to get on your good side with some bribing.

It is a date in all but name, but he'll never admit it is one.

Aventurine gives everything and asks for nothing in return, only jokingly teasing you about giving him a kiss in exchange. In reality, he doesn't expect anything as he doesn't want to force you.

Yet, if you give him that kiss he secretly yearns for, perhaps you can make him confess that there is more to this encounter than just fulfilling a bet. Perhaps you can catch a glimpse of the feelings he tries his best to hide when you're around, find a crack in that smug facade of his.

[gayafsowhat]

Eepy hours

[sforzesco]

it's time for spartacus :)

[corkinavoid]

Danny: I like my men how I like my coffee-

Jason: All night long and first thing in the morning?

Steph: With two shots of syrup and whipped cream on top?

Duke: Held up to a very specific high standard that literally only one person in the whole world would meet?

Danny, slowly blinking: ...I was going to say 'giving me a solid reason to stay alive', but you're all not entirely wrong, so.

Tim, two hours later: What did I fucking do to you that warranted syrup and whipped cream in my hair?!

Damian: Thank me later.

[wheelie-sick]

happy disability pride month to every transmasc with a condition that's heavily associated with women

happy disability pride month to every transmasc who feels dysphoric because of their condition

happy disability pride month to every transmasc who gets misgendered by all the awareness for their condition

happy disability pride month to every transfem with a condition that's heavily associated with men

happy disability pride month to every transfem who feels dysphoric because of their condition

happy disability pride month to every transfem who gets misgendered by all the awareness for their condition

[dcxdpdabbles]

Danny: What's one of your characters flaws?

Tim: I get attached too easily. I fall into obsessions quickly. I hero worship to the point of worry. Oh, and I get Hangry.

Danny: I meant the character flaws you put for the assignment.....

Tim: Patricide.

Danny: Alright thanks. I'll ugh, see you around?

Tim: You won't see me but I'll see you. Through my camera lens.

Danny: What?!

Tim: Don't act surprised. I just told you my flaws.

Danny: I thought you were just being edgy!?

Tim: *frog blinks* Why would I waste this chance to speak to *whispers* Phantom.

Danny: How do you know that!?

Tim: I used to follow Batman and Robin around before Robin died, and you popped up. Good thing you did, too, because Batman was going crazy. You really saved him from the void. I love you. Also, I think someone put something in my water bottle because I'm shaking and saying things I usually wouldn't be saying and-

Danny: *Grabs bottle to sniff* someone dumped a truth serum in here. Let's go ahead and get you to the cave.

Tim: You can smell that? Of course, you can; you're half ghost, which could be considered its own species since all senses are enhanced. Plus, some ghosts are born in the Infinite Realm, which means reproduction is possible between-

Danny: Let's play the quiet game

Tim: Oh! I'm really good at that game. I never made any sounds when following the Gotham Heros around! Five years and counting!

Danny: You were nine when you started following Bruce around!?

Tim: I'm a smart stalker. But shhhhhhh, it's quiet time.

Danny: I'm both impressed and afraid.

Tim: *finger guns and winks*

Danny: And oddly attracted to you.

Tim: *Beams*

[parkerluvsu]

day 6: with toys <3

art is the type of guy to get heartbroken when you use toys.. arguing that it makes him feel like he isn't enough for you. it takes time for him to understand that toys only help you feel better, and now, art doesn't see toys as his enemies but as his partners in your pleasure.

a quiet buzz fills the room as you squirm on your bed. arts mouth is currently attached to your cunt, his hands skillfully holding your vibrator to your clit. no matter how much you toss and turn with the pleasure pulsing through your body, art doesn't stop. you take your fingers through his hair, pulling on the soft curls, making him whine into you. you can't see it, but arts hips are humping into the mattress, rubbing his sticky tip into the sheets. art can feel you clenching around his tongue, practically making out with your pussy. the more he pushes the vibrator on you, the faster he fucks into the mattress.

the vibrations make you clench over and over, lifting up your hips into his mouth. waves of pleasure wash over you, becoming more and more intense until you cant take it anymore, bucking your hips up into the vibrator, but quickly making you feel overstimulated. you push the vibrator away as arts head flops between your legs, soft sighs coming out of his mouth as he paints the mattress white with cum. art thinks that he definitely understands why you like using toys so much now <3

[checkadii]

The eeper before I eep myself