#i wrote this post for people who didnt see my vision i guess

[maddyshome]

i can explain what i meant by saying the moonscorched form is the delusion of identity. its the lie we think we are turned into reality. rher's speciality.

let me just present my case with all of the fear & hunger termina characters:

levi - his form is the easiest to explain. his past as a child soldier and the background he has with the army made him believe that he is just a weapon. that he is just a number. his life and death are meaningless since he is an object. i have no doubts this was a mindset instilled by his superiors and his military background. levi lives with the illusion he does not matter. the lie that he tells to himself is that he is nothing but a weapon, easily discarded, just another solider sent to his death.

daan - the doctor does not have a moonscorched form. his so called moonscorched form is NOT a form specific to daan as a character. that is the pocketcat. this is the result of daan being born with a blank soul. think of daan like a pov character. the protagonist of the persona games. so why was he a suitable host for pocketcat? most likely because daan was a blank canvas (soul) for pocketcat. the pocketcat is a virus that corrupted the computer and this specific computer called daan has no antivirus. i think the blank soul is the closest soul to the truth since it has no identity that can be corrupted by rher's powers. you can say the delusion could not reach him since he has no perception of himself. daan focuses his life and individuality for others. like his dead wife or the baron.

karin - she is a valkyrie. the valkyrie is a female creature that guides the souls of dead soldiers to valhalla (paradise in the norse myths). but lets not forget, karin is also a journalist in search for the truth. she lives with the illusion she is a harbinger of truth that is burdened by the millions of people harmed by the war that she cannot help. they are dragging her down. the dead soldiers are a burden on her wings. karin has the illusion that she is a savior for these people.

marina - very easy. we get hints at the beginning of her story. marina was not born as a woman, but as a man. if her father knew since back then that she is a he and not a she then marina would become her father's shadow. marina lives with the illusions she is not a real woman and she is burned by her father's duty. she lives with the illusion she owes her father her life as his successor.

olivia - her sister is the machine god. olivia's moonscorched form is a machine-like creature. shes lives with the delusion that she is a failed or lesser version of her sister (she was envious of her sister we get this from her intro). olivia's entire body and ability for movement depends on her wheelchair so her wheelchair became a part of her turning her into a cyborg.

caligura - he was always extremely ugly. its very likely he was bullied as a child. and not just as a child. we see his monstrous side because caligura gave up on humanity. he turned to hatred since he was hated by others. caligura strikes me as a very insecure and hateful individual. his moonscorched form is disgusting because he lives with the illusion he is disgusting no matter what he does or how he acts. he is just a ballsack. no woman wants him. he looks atrocious. no man could ever respect him.

henryk - he wants to be respected. just like caligura, but the difference is that henryk wants to be loved not feared. the gentleman is the new mayor. he has a high position, has a butler, people are FORCED to respect him. henryk lives with the illusion he is someone important, people owe him respect. women should be flattered they were noticed by him. henryk lives with the illusion he has a right to a woman's body because he is the alpha man that pretends to be the nice guy. it's why he kidnaps marina.

marcoh - easy. he looks like a brute type of guy. most people think he is not very smart because he is really quiet and standoffish. his moonscorched form is his own lie. a beast like creature with no human head. he lives with the illusion he is not very bright just like some people say. just another brute.

o'saa - the opposite of marcoh. o'saa lives with the illusion he is smarter than everyone else. he is arrogant and treats people like they are dumb animals. he is a brain like creature that looks down on the other fools who simply try to live. (what's incredibly ironic about o'saa is that his own mindset is influenced by his association with nas'hrah)

THE WEIRDOS

samarie - i have explained it in depth in my last post, but samarie has illusions of grandeur. she thinks people do not see her greatness. she wants to be noticed by marina as someone special, shining like the sun. so her illusion is not accepting her reality and blaming others for not letting her shine.

tanaka - kind of a similar case as samarie. except he lives with the illusion he is just too weak and not a "true" man (maybe what his father wants him to be) that embodies masculine traits (confident, ambitious, strength of will etc)

last text:

so maybe some of you wonder..

why do some characters's "lies" are based on their insecurities and others (like samarie and henryk) are not based on insecurities?

its because we, as people, most of the time think the worst of ourselves. we concentrate on these insecurities and we give them power because we think it is a TRUTH about our identity. sometimes we think its a truth that no one else can see except us.

samarie's and henryk's forms are, at their core, still based on their own insecurities. samarie hides from reality and lives in her lala world where she is radiating. and henryk does the same damn thing. but subconsciously they know their version of reality is a little off so that's how it turns into a insecurity.

OMG GUYS SO SORRY I FORGOT ABOUT ABELLA. GIRL forgive me.

abella - her form looks like a man creature wearing a skirt, not a woman. she lives with the illusion her job, her character and tastes (wears masculine clothing, she is a mechanic, not a feminine woman) turns her into a man. she could be insecure in her own femininity. just like tanaka is insecure because he doesnt think he is "real" man, abella doesnt think she is a "real" woman. i think her case is special since its very likely she was attacked by a parasite like the woodsman (and daan) and this could not be her moonscorched form.

[quotidian-oblivion]

Fic Origin Story

Once again! Didnt get tagged but saw the game and wanted todo it. Also, im in pain and lying in a weird position on the ground cuzbi cant sleep and periods suck so if you see any typos, throw them in the incenerator thing, no you didnt.

What was your first fandom (reading and/or writing)?

DC. First fic i wrote is roaming around on tumblr here somewhere and first fic i read is... idk it was something with deaged tim and big brother jason. I didnt like fanfiction at the time and thought it wasnt "real fiction", now look at me.

What was the first story you ever wrote (even if it was never posted) and what made you decide to write it?

FIRST STORY?

Do you mean fanfic orrrrrrrr. Cuz if you go by the very first story i wrote, i would have ben 5 and i wrote about two men, one who was boastful and sefish and the other wasnt and then Allah (God) took away all of the rude man's wealth so when he woke up, everything was gone. I eas prexious back then. But first fanfic was Dick narrating a fairy tale which had all his family in it. It was called 'Cassandra and the Junk Food Industry'. A plah on 'Charlie and the Chovolate Factry'.

What's a piece of advice you would give to your younger fic-writing self?

Not much. Cuz younger-me was pretty stubborn abt writing. I still am. No one can talk me out of it. And people have tried. But ig i'd praise her on her writing and ideas. She needed praise more than advice cuz she got plenty of that "advice".

What's an early fandom interaction that stuck with you (be it a nice comment, a friend you made, a fic that got a lot of feedback etc.)?

Back in the ye old days when my username was 'Mary', i didnt write much fic except on wattpad (shudder). So i got nice comments from that and made a niche supportive writing community which was super cool.

But ig i'mma give my credit to @birdybat for a lot of it cuz she's a cool friend and stuck by me and i her.

Post a sentence or two from one of your older fics, and a sentence or two from a newer one (if you want).

Lemme go hunting on my google docs for one of my wattpad fics for this one.

"First stop, fake future predictions by Madame West!" Peter exclaimed as they got off the subway and made their way to a slightly empty and grimy alley.  "West?" Wally asked, confused. "As in Iris West?" 

Guess what the plot is.

Here's the mostrecent fic i've posted (The Boy In The Cell):

The smell of burning flesh filled his nose and electric blue crackles appeared in his vision along with the angry neon green waves of the Pit. He yanked at his hair and finally let out a scream.

No pressure tags: @sardonic-sprite @wakkoroni @tristicorde @cygnusdoesthings + anyone else

[stillness-in-green]

Looks like you were spot on about AFOs intentions when it came to shigaraki in your mermaid fic. I actually didnt seen anyone predict that one other than you. Do how does it feel to be right?

Holy belated-answers, Batman!  

So, before I get into this, I do want to clarify something--I assume that by “predict that one” you mean the idea that AFO wants to transfer his consciousness into Shigaraki?  To possess him?  I’m going to talk a fair amount about why I actually DON’T think that’s the case, but I don’t want you to feel like I’m unloading that on you personally.  I have a lot of thoughts on it because the possession theory is--from what I’ve seen--actually so common that a number of people take it as a given!  I have Opinions on that, as I do with so many things.

Okay, so: in the mermaid fic, I wrote AFO intending to possess Shigaraki as a nod towards where I used to think the canon was going, but no longer did at the time of writing.  When I posted AFO’s debut chapter to AO3, I said this in an author’s note: 

“He will become the next me,” is the line that turned my feelings on Shigaraki from, “Ugh, why would you waste such a great design on such a trite light novel nihilist?” to, “GO, HAND-MAN, GO GO GO!” I assumed All for One, with his thrashed-to-within-an-inch-of-his-life body, was setting Shigaraki up for some kind of body-thief plotline, and obviously, the bratty, petulant Shigaraki was no match for the experienced, meticulous manipulator that was his Sensei. Immediately, my root-for-the-narrative-underdog instincts kicked in.

That’s not the way the story ended up going, of course, but the thought has remained with me, an important milestone in my relationship with Shigaraki as a character, so when I saw the opportunity to use the line more literally in this AU, I grabbed it with both hands and didn’t look back.

It definitely wasn’t intended to be a prediction!  In fact, I have almost eight thousand words of essay sitting on my hard drive right now about why I don’t think it was AFO’s intention to possess Shigaraki--or at least why I think it’s worth giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Current manga events being what they are, you can see why the essay’s on hold!  I like enough of what’s in there that I will get around to reworking it to a postable state one of these days, but for a preview, there are just too many things that All For One says and does and thinks that make no sense to me if he’s been planning to take over Shigaraki from the beginning.

As far as current events go, it seems likely that he would have known from his own experience that there was at least a chance that giving Shigaraki his quirk would result in Shigaraki having a Sensei vestige, but what in that experience would have suggested that said vestige would have any ability whatsoever to control Shigaraki?  AFO only ever had nightmares about the people whose quirks he took; nowhere does he imply that he ever had to fight with those visions for possession of his own body.

AFO is an egomaniac, sure, but to assume that he can possess Shigaraki just in the form of a vestige?  It’s surely no guarantee--and even if he thought there was a reasonable chance because his will was just that strong, how would that help the real All For One?  I think, at the core, the trouble I have with the vestige possession theory is this:

A) If AFO is the type of person who is too much of an egomaniac to leave the future to a successor whom he hand-raised to be a Symbol of Terror and cause maximum suffering to his personal enemies and the world at large, then surely he’s too much of an egomaniac to cede control to a phantom version of himself that leaves the real him up Shit Creek?

B)  But if AFO is content to cede his future to a duplicate of himself, then why shouldn’t he be content to do the same for Tomura?  

Sure, there’s something to be said for him only recognizing a version of himself as worthy, but I think there’s as much chance that he’d be cautious of another version of himself as welcoming of it, as compared to a successor he would always have some influence over.  I suppose there’s also the idea that Real-AFO has a psychic link with Shigaraki now (as people have been supposing about AFO and Deku since the Joint Training Arc or earlier, and it would explain all the grinning to himself he’s doing in prison and why we keep cutting away to it), but again, theorizing that he could have predicted any of this from the outset is giving him credit for insight that crosses the border into the precognitive.  He’s canny and experienced, but he’s not Sir Nighteye.  And even if he was, that would still leave us for no explanation about e.g. his comment about Best Jeanist’s quirk being ill-suited to Tomura’s personality or all the inner thinking he does about Tomura growing and becoming independent.

Personally, I’d like to see Tomura stalk into Tartarus in the eventual jailbreak arc, explain the situation, and be like, “Sensei, what the fuck?” only to have AFO respond with, “Haha, oh dear, that does sound troublesome!  I didn’t expect my vestige would be so strong!  Leave it to me, I guess.  Oh, don’t worry, Tomura; I have full faith that you’ll be able to overcome it, as you always have everything else.”

Because while I can see AFO trying to take control of Shigaraki if serendipity presents him a chance, I just can’t make that translate to AFO having been planning this all along.  I will, hopefully when the dust settles some on this arc, have rather a lot more to say about the topic.

In the meantime, though, I leave readers with this question: does the vestige reveal mean All For One has had an inner Ujiko cheerleader in his brain for nigh on seventy years??  They really are the world’s best worst married couple.

(P.S.: His intentions towards Shigaraki aside, I did semi-predict the matter of All for One being dogged by the spirits of those he’s stolen from, both in the form of him crying in his sleep in voices not his own in the mermaid fic and in private-chat theorizing about canon with @codenamesazanka about how, if AFO and OFA both have vestiges, why shouldn’t the same be true of any dislocated quirk?  Being right about that feels pretty awesome!)

[philosophicalparadox]

Fanfic masterpost

I can’t add links to Tumblr anymore, but I can still direct your attentions, can’t I? 

For those of you who care (because DAMN my follower count has shot up recently; Thank you!) You can find me on Fanfiction . net under the name Kaze no Akatsuki. I do not post my fanfics on Wattpad (nor anything else for that matter) anymore because frankly, I don’t like the community. I am ALL for constructive critisism, will beg for it even, but even I only have so much patience for people who never have anything nice to say. I also, sadly, don’t post on AO3 though there’s not really a reason for that, I just have never visited the site, so I don’t know what to gauge of it yet. 

That said, here are the titles and summaries of some of my fanfictions if you ever want to check them out. I can’t post them directly here, due to Tumblr rules about word count, (my chapters are always no less than 4k words) as well as the fact that I don’t remotely trust their algorithm not to flag me. But I can redirect!

Note: I will NOT be posting the names/summaries of works that have been discontinued, are on hiatus, or are under revision. The only ones to appear here are completed or in-progress works. 

In the BLUE EXORCIST fandom: 

1. Captivity, an aimless kind of fanfic that just blows where the wind is taking it. I normally have some idea in mind, but this one is just sort of writing itself, if that makes sense. It focuses on Lucifer, Homare, and Beelzebub so far.

Summary:  An intelligence gathering experience forces Lucifer out of his comfort zone, in more ways than one. The threat of unholy war hangs in the air, but that isn't going to stop him from indulging in more...mortal, curiosities. A fic examining the relationship between Lucifer and his siblings, as well as, pressingly, his lieutenant. LuciferXHomare...mostly.

2. Unbecoming: A longer fic, in progress, which is my first ever attempt at dipping into the horror genre. And it is horror. I’m talking gore, lore, and more. If ever you wanted to get a good look at my (dark) interpretation of Mephisto’s demon side, this is the fic for you. Cannibalism included. 

Summary:  What happens when you put a big mind in a small box? A tiger in a cage with lambs? A demon in a room full of exwires? Lucifer wants to find out. Boredom is a demons constant companion, but even Mephisto can only take so much. How long before the demon loses it? A game of wills, wits, and psychological pressure has begun. In the game of chess, only one king can win. Checkmate. 

In the BLACK BUTLER fandom: 

1. Almost Human: The only oneshot I have ever wrote, and also the only T-rated fic I have, though I debated on that rating for a while. An introspective look, I guess, at Ciel (our Ciel) being haunted, literally, by his past. 

Summary:  When Ciel is plagued by visions of the late Vincent Phantomhive, he gets the feeling that his phantasmal father wants to tell him something. Unbeknownst to him, that 'thing' just so happens to have the potential to unravel the complex relationship he has with his demon butler - as well as reveal the darkest sides of himself.

In the HELLSING ULTIMATE fandom: 

1. Telepathic Heart: is THE longest fanfiction I have ever written, and it is complete (for now) with a sequel in the works. Note that it is AluSeras, though AluTegra is mentioned.

Summary:  Breathing some fresh life into an overused plot. Integra is mortal; there's nothing Alucard can do about it. (Not without risking the sanctity of the relationship he has with her anyway) And Mortals die. But sometimes, their ghosts just won't leave- and maybe turn up in some unexpected places. Mostly AluSeras, slight Alu-tegra, and Angst, because Alucard's a widow many times over.

And now, for the fics belonging to fandoms that are not a part of my blog, just in case you are interested in them:

In the SERAPH OF THE END Fandom:

1. Clip My Wings: I don’t actually know about the fate of this one, but I hope to continue with it. 

Summary:  Two friends, torn apart by time, space and species, now take refuge together with the outliers of the Moon Demon Company. It would seem all is saved, but Mika is not human, and he knows it - even if everyone else tries to forget. In the wake of their time spent together, will Yuu and the crew adopt a new attitude towards vampires? And what are the consequences of this? Anime-verse.

In the YU YU HAKUSHO fandom (which I highly recommend to my Blue Exorcist followers; if you know it, you will doubtlessly recognize the hints that are in Captivity): 

1. Words as Weapons: I haven’t updated this fic in so long, though it is still going. I merely have to get around to finishing the next chapter, which is easier said than done. Gosh I wish I didn’t always pick the most complicated character dynamics sometimes. 

Summary:  In which an unprecedented side effect of Yusuke's transformation threatens to either change his world entirely or leave it in a state of total devastation- though as long as Kurama and Hiei are there to pick up the pieces, each is equally as likely to happen. A slightly dark take on Yusuke's demon transformation, with a dash of Yaoi to add some contrast. YusukexKuramaxHiei.

I apologize now if this seems in any way promotional -- it’s not, I swear it! I just wanted my followers to know what to look for and where to find them. (pfft, like you can’t just see my profile, though I don’t think that’s an option open to guests. Hence why I’m putting it here!)

Look around, or don’t, up to you! And THANK YOU to every one who has reblogged, liked  or followed me of late. I appreciate it. ;p

[wolfwhiteflowers]

a post for me to ramble (and updating) on and rant in general about the major s8 character-death rumor/spoiler. So, then I won’t spoil anyone by accident. *i have like 3 posts of like this and they’re all similar. i keep repeating the same things. 

HERE is the first reaction/thoughts post. A bit about show stuff, writing stuff, comic stuff, other characters that affect them by this death. Also, TWD comic spoilers. or go to #*twd s8 spoilers or #*twd

***so, I will keep rambling on here and instead of another op’s post.  idk. these are my thoughts. everyone’s got theirs and i dont wanna be insensitive or something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*if the spoiler/rumor is all true*

*TWD s8A msf is on 12/10/17

That Carl will die in s8 mid season finale. It also seems like it was Chandler’s choice.  (i hope the spoiler/rumor is not true. It’s kind of a deal breaker for me to keep watching, but it’s kind of not.)

TWD ruined Christmas.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- so it’s pretty crazy we learn about this spoiler/rumor from TSDF so early..like after 8x01 aired. People who had learned about the spoiler already are now looking at hints/symbolisms more than general audience would. Something like general audience would look at it after s8A is done. So..I feel like going crazy and overthinking of all these hints or symbolisms that the writers had added. I kind of like that...symbolisms and stuff. I mean..at least it’s not going to be a super shocking unexpecting way that Carl dies. For me, I like that cos i like to know things ahead of time. 8x01 got some hints already and wow. “your boy is gonna die.”  Red eyed Rick and the future vision-mentioned of the owl(symbolism). Red eyed Rick is seen crying hard like someone very close to him had died. Plus the glass thing..idk what it is...it’s symbol of grave marker/death. In, 8x02 spoiler I read, is that Rick sees a baby, someone’s child. I keep thinking that s8 will have a lot of death symbolisms and with something about children. (more about it in another post)

-things that seems like it’s true. Chandler moved to LA or something. Everyone is talking about something big will happen in msf. (like as usual but well...yeah) Chandler’s tweet about appreciating TWD and his journey. I thought 100th ep but ... ya know. Another thing is that it’s seems confusing exactly whom “killed off carl” cos Chandler was thinking of going to GA university and was excited for s8. idk i guess he kept changing his mind. I just don’t think Gimple and writers would want to kill off Carl ever. 12/5 AMC mentions of a shocking moment in ep8 and Hardwick too. I think it’s true. I hope not but :\

-things that Doesnt seem like it’s true. the cast seem upbeat during interviews. but maybe they respect chandler’s decision and proud of him if he chose to leave. Also, maybe they’re excited for new creativity for their characters. idk..or they know this show is ending soon and they’ll leave and blah. we see their character die in a domino-effect. /  8x01, Michonne said to Carl  “this is your show.” Like in the comics, where we all thought and felt Carl will be the next leader someday. It’s always been more about Carl’s story. But, maybe the show is different and going to be. It’s more about Rick’s. (like the Hunger Games’s Katniss and Primrose) Maybe the cast and writers are ok with the show’s premise being changed???

- the cast’s attitude lately is messing me up. They seem so calm and chill. If this spoiler of Carl dying(and no re-casting) is false. This have been the trippiest thing for me and the fandom. If it’s true, it’s gonna shock the non-spoiled fans so hardcore.

- recasting-theory/ atm, I don’t mind if they re-casted someone to play as Carl or adult-Carl. It would go smooth since it’s gonna be in future setting (s9). Some people seem bothered by it but I mean...it means that Carl, the character, will live and the main point of the show will continue. (hmm kinda like OUAT where adult Henry is a different actor.) ...idk why ...yet.. writers/crew didnt do it. Too early to change it or it’s Chandler’s choice again. Maybe the crew did and Carl is in bed healing in s8b and in s9 is diff actor as adult Carl. But :\ ...i think s8 finale is the end of the war and it’s weird to not have Carl there or not in s8B at all.

- gracie theory. no i dont want that future lil girl to be Gracie and that meaning Both Grimes kids died. That’s too much and dumb. I’ll be okay if Judith died, raised Gracie, and Carl left mid-war (recast Carl) and taking pirate-Michonne’s arc. But just Rick with no Grimes kids is just too much.

- idk how to take it yet. Keep watching the show or not. It depends on how well the writers do it, and if it makes sense story-wise. They gotta give it all. s9/the future...really will be the “New Beginning.”  idk yet. I’ll see how it is in s8 msf. It gotta be like an ep where Carl be around with loved ones and appreciates his life, and make the show more about that it is Rick’s show. I would hate it if the writers just crap out on the writing and Rick dies s9 and then others, and become the Daryl and Negan show.

- also idk how to feel and deal about the writing of TWD tv show / comics / and the remixing. I keep wanting the show to parallel the comics..or the main story plot/the point of the story to parallel to the comics. BUT, the show is already a bit different..and still similar to the comics. I keep speculating/overthinking on the remixing stuff and kinda get disappointed if it didnt happen on a show (which they can, if they want to, not parallel with the comics. ex- death of Andrea, change of Carol, non-comic Daryl, etc.. Or scenes happening later or earlier in the story.). Like there’s no right way of it or right way of feeling of it. So, I guess ...don’t expect so much on the comics. But, I like it when the show do follow it. sigh. It’s like I expect the story’s point to be there and with respect. idk. Maybe ..decide that these are different stories. tv and comic. separate them. think of kirkman - comics. gimple- tv. idk..it would be well bummer like Kirkman doesnt like the tv show anymore-s8. But, it’s weird to think that when I don’t think Kirkman’s writing is the best, or that I don’t think the comics are better compared to other  stuff. so idk. so it’s confusing to me rn.

- i feel like im being over dramatic and passionate about it. it’s so weird. but i just want good storytelling and respect to the story and to the characters. I also ..I always say that TWD isn’t my #1 show. It’s just one of my good shows. The show is doing fine atm for me. (i think the bash talking/fandomwank on the writing is too much. it’s fine. whatever. ukno how the fandom can get. I think I meant I’m tired of same people complaining over and over when they could just quit.) I’ve seen some shows that I dont like with their writing and how they deal with their characters, and then I quit. So whatever. Whenever the reason to quit comes, so be it.

- I hope I dont wanna offend anyone but it’s my opinion. Carl isn’t the reason why I watch. But Carl is the “heart” of the show. I realized there’s two things going on in the TWD/comics’s premise. #1 it’s Rick, a family man looking after his family. #2, Carl grows up and we see him become a man and someday lead his people. Two big arcs.

#2 I think, imo, the show, didn’t really showcase Carl’s journey. It’s probably hard to do with a child actor or on tv with rules and stuff. Like (maybe just comic-) Carl kills people and is like people are always kinda concerned about Carl becoming a serial killer. He’s loyal and protects his loved ones in a fierce unpredictable way. Carl, in the show and how the show did it, is a bit different than comic-Carl. He’s already mature and understanding. He’s bit like comic-Carl in rage and toughness, but tv Carl quickly controls it and just already a good man. I feel like there should be some angsty hard ..character flaw that Carl should still keep learning and grow to be a better man, now. There should be more focus on tv Carl and it’s probably tv writers’s fault since s4,... or like now..it’s planned because Chandler wants to leave in s8, so writers are making him a good well-meaning man.

  Another thing, right away from 8x01, I felt like carl isn’t what I’m hoping or expecting him be like. I was surprised to see Rick shooting at Siddiq and got this arc of needing to learn about hope again. An arc mostly about/for Rick. I feel like it should be Carl shooting at Siddiq and Rick being upset about it.

  #1, IMO, the show didn’t really show...in a major way that it’s a father-son show. Like we don’t see Rick always worried about raising him and stuff compared to other father/son stories. It’s subtle and light in the show. Go blame on the writers, I guess. In the comics, it’s shown heavily that Rick’s worried about Carl’s life and what he will become as a man. Like it’s Carl’s story. IMO, I always feel that in the show, it’s Rick’s story or I’m more interested in Rick’s story. (i keep thinking about Hunger Games.)

After Carl’s death, and if the writers wrote it like TWD always was/will be mainly Rick’s story/show, then the show can get by, imo, without Carl. Rick still has Judith. Rick still got arcs to go..like Negan stuff. Rick isn’t dead and Carl isn’t a leader-leader in the comics rn. Comics are like 3 seasons-ish ahead. (but ukno remixes, u never kno what the show will do) But, if the writers can sell it off well and that if I believe in it and still wanna watch the show.

- So..what concerns me about character deaths..and AMC, is that AMC didn’t Promote anything about a majoooooooor character death that will happen. (like Negan and the lineup in s7) It makes me think if TWD will become Daryl & Negan show, AMC won’t promote or hint anything about the future deaths of our fave characters/Rick. Just keeping it secretive and stuff. sigh..idk. So far, I like that Gimple is hinting about a death with callbacks, in s8A. Like dang, I really wish they promote something about a major death that’s gonna happen. It’s too shocking.  11/30- AMC still haven’t and it’s gonna be ep 7 soon. I hope they do for promoting ep 8/msf. 12/5- Ok so they did and weirdly heh. Just the voiceover guy saying ‘msf everyone’s will be talking about.’ on TTD, Hardwick made it clear that there’s a big shocking moment in msf. So, some fans are like understanding it. It seems like the web ..everyone seen the spoilers, so.. But still the general audience is gonna be so surprised but they know something is up. it’s msf, so ..there’s always a death there. Even if I didn’t know about the spoilers, I would say Carl would die because of the easter eggs-Rick’s visions and Carl is kinda doing the moral compass thing and there’s some callbacks-like mentioning his parents. Other ones that Iwould suspect if I didn’t know the spoilers would be Daryl, Aaron, Zeke... So yeah it’s seems harder to suspect that..but I woulda said Carl. It’s gonna be Carl. sigh.

- ok if Chandler had issues with the show/crew and bashing on the show and stuff. i feel kinda sensitive about it. idk..it’s that other thing...following the actor’s life when we don’t know the actor personally (like entitled fans thing). Anyways, if fandom/wank agrees with him ..whatever..why are those fans still here. blah. I mean idk..we deal with these kind of things differently. I still like the show but someday if i hate the show, i only want to bash on the show on things that made me hate the show. sigh different opinions... Maybe just don’t look at people’s opinions on the show and carl’s death. Fandom is gonna get super crazy. i guess like more fandom wank. take a break from it.

- if i wanna quit. I would say..TWD ended for me in s7 finale. That finale was a great emotional ep and I loved Maggie’s speech. It felt like a series finale. Or, end it around s8A. Someone said like when team family arrived at ASZ. So yeah ..there’s always fanfiction. It’s ok to take time and grieve.That’s just how it is in show business and disappointing stories go.

-/oh god, watching s8 and eventually getting to the msf. there’s hints! omg this is hard! um thinking of making a post of “#*twd s8 spoilers″. Because this post is already long.??? sigh this season is so crazy.

- I notice some fans bashing on the show and that they think to make the show better is to kill off Negan. TBH, I think killing off Negan right now is like killing off Carl. That, too, changes the TWD story a lot. Stories gotta have a villain. But, I understand if people aren’t liking tv-Negan (but not comic-Negan). Yeah, tv-Negan is like meaner..but he’s also more developed ..of comic-Negan. If u get it? I think we will eventually see tv Negan as what we see the “good” parts of comic-Negan. Like how his leadership does save his people and how he “cares”

- End of old Premise theory/or how the writers (try to) guide us to the biggest death and change of the show by killing off Carl... I keep hoping the writers are doing this theory I have on “wrapping up the old premise of the show” thing that I think is what the writers are doing.  Because I think it’s a good idea, helps for me and for some others to deal with on “Should I keep watching the show after carl dies even though ‘father and son’ is the premise of the show?” I just like that idea and the writing..if the writers are doing it. If they’re not doing that with Rick’s arc, then ok whatever. blah. I like this theory/setting up to the death plot..because it shows the writers care of the story and the character. Again, making it “Rick’s show”.

- I keep thinking about other stories with the father/son, mentor/student trope. Reminds me of Fringe, OUAT, The Hunger Games. Idk what’s best for TWD (depends on the fan’s interest anyway) Usually, those stories I’ve seen is like the father is redeemed and died, and the son/child lives on and loved. Some stories like THG Katniss sacrificed so much and learned to live~ again, but Primrose who lived and safe from Katniss, died anyways. So, uh Idk where TWD direction will go.. TWD didn’t really show that trope of redeemable father or something.. It’s subtle.. father looking after son. So, maybe s8, the writers are showing more of how messed up Rick  is now and shall go on journey(the new beginning) of grace/mercy to redeem himself after Carl dies. 

-feel like showing this fanvideo... https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=n857ZhZyKls . It’s a great tribute video of TWD s1-s8premiere. Almost seems like it’s wrapping up the “old premise” ..and really showing Rick how he’s changed and needed to keep trying to be a better man. More like a Rick’s show.

-If TSDF is wrong (they could cos they dont know a lot unlike s7), like today someone(or a troll) saying they see Chandler in costume. saldfjslajf gah ..i need proofsss! I wanna know for sure! I can’t. Going back and forth, is too much, emotionally sdlfjklsaj. Could be ghost!Carl. etc. I think.. he’s dead for good. I mean he moved to LA. ??? oy

-Watching s8 so far, I don’t see a lot of Carl. Maybe he’s featured more in the last four episodes of s8A. I kinda think he got scenes with Michonne too (/Danai filming diff movie), on protecting ASZ. But from trailers, Michonne goes with Rosita for a bit. Anyways, I hope we get a lot of focus on Carl before the death happens, eh, and afterwards ofc. In all good writing too. But, ukno the writers like to not focus on someone and then kill them off. That’s their style n pattern. eta. After ep 4, I’m like ehh where’s Carl? It’s annoying. He should be there with Rick, Idk why he isnt there along w/Rick. Is it Chandler’s schedule or ..lame story reasons? Just feels like dumb for not seeing Carl much. I mean ..it means, I feel, they gotta have Carl featured a lot in ep 6?-9. Like bottle episodes. But then, I feel...IMO, it doesn’t seem different to me. It feels the usual. The show doesn’t feature Carl much anyway, and I don’t care. I’m used to it. Carl is always kind of in the background. Though I wonder about the writing and how it play out if like Carol dies..or someone that I really care. Would it be similar. Like they stop focusing on the character and do meh death scene. hmm idk. I was pretty annoyed with Andrea’s death but Gimple wasnt the showrunner. idk. tough show, lots of deaths, the story keeps going. who is more important/heart of the show something. idk.

11/30- Sigh yeah..I’m kind of disappointed on the writers..so far. Carl is seen in ep 1, 6, and 8. Three episodes. I wish the writers showcased Carl a lot and make it more like obvious..that’s something is up and that maybe he will die-kind of thing. I want more build-up to his death. However, I do like the callbacks from Carl and his little plot in s8A so far, with interacting Siddiq and being a better man than Rick and doing it for his mom. This plot does kind of wrap up his character but I wish it was more and more meaningful. idk maybe it was sudden for the writers or something. I feel kind of worried..like is Carl’s last plot..good enough for me and the fandom? Idk. It’s too subtle, and I’m glad I have spoilers. But the writing..idk i mean what if it happens to other characters. Their skills sucks elsewhere too? Will I keep trusting the writers? So...yeah idk..but I still feel okay..to keep watching. (cos Carl isn’t my top faves) I have expectations but am I okay with it when they don’t meet it? Anyways, I’m kind of ok with it just by those callbacks and Carl being a good man-arc in s8A.

-12/5 the promo for msf, it look like there’s a lot of Carl and family moments. that’s nice. so far, i think i’ll be fine with the writing. It depends on me and ofc other fans’ expectations are different. Also, based on filming spoilers, they will keep talking about carl and stuff. Even though the writers didn’t lead up well like I hope they are gonna mention Carl afterwards in s8B. Still kinda showing that it’s Rick’s show. Idk how s9 will go, whole different show.

- I think Daryl got comic-Carl’s arc in this season, who wants to kill any savior. It’s not like he stole it or writers got lazy (maybe), but like just so tv-Carl can die as still being likable and good. Or, actually, I think Daryl is acting like what I was hoping tv-Carl would act like in s8 before I learned about the major death spoiler.  I wonder where tv-Carl stand on the whole kill saviors or keep prisoners. It makes me think tv Carl would want to keep the prisoners.

-I was thinking of Carol/Rick brotp, and I realized they’re gonna be more similar. Both will/had lost a child. I hope it means they interact more because they got more things in common. Well, I just like their friendship and Rick needs support. But, this also reminds me of how Michonne is similar to Rick and Carol and we still don’t have Carol and Michonne interacting. Anyways..much as i like Carick....Richonne need to deal with the pain too. idk what im saying. I want more Carick but it makes more sense for more Richonne to handle the death of Carl. Maybe like one Carick scene.  11/30-IDK if it leading to Carick scenes, but ep 6, they kinda mentioned Carol’s fear or it’s hard for her to be around kids and she kinda mentioned Sophia on Henry. She also talked to Zeke throughout s8A about pretending or her changing throughout TWD, and how it’s a survival thing she does or life made it that way. Carol mentioning loss of her child and how it changed her is like Rick will do...kinda. Also, maybe Carol and Henry will be the new-kinda adapting- Rick and Carl basing on the comics later on. 

-Also there’s now theories about the new adapted/comic- Carl as in who will adapt comic-Carl later on. People think it could be Enid, ^Henry, Gracie, Judith, or others. But, I would rather/wish they recast Carl..older-Carl. The show is gonna be set in the future soon too.

- Chandler’s trolling comment(s) lol That’s Chandler!  ok so i think he’s trolling and I think he’s probably hinting to the fandom that he’s gonna leave/Carl dies. I mean I would be glad if I’m totally wrong about the spoiler and that Carl is just away for awhile. But wow guys he is hinting at something. omg, the spoilery fandom is just so confused right now because Chandler is like saying he is still filming..Carl’s lives. But we don’t have like big proofs of that. but yeah ????lol I’m starting to have hope..but I don’t wanna have hope and not have it over and over and over. blah ..we wait.(11/14)

-

“It looks like he's looking out over the city of Los Angeles in that photo, so the "shutdown and restart" command in the caption makes me think he's saying that he's starting new in L.A. after finishing ("shutting down") The Walking Dead (which just wrapped this week). "1296000" is some kind of date but I don't know how to read it to tell what date it refers to.” meghann’s mom -TITD

“1296000 seconds - 15 days. 15 days until 8.08″. -Niolle -TITD  

Wow this kinda confirms it that Carl will die and Chandler is off the show. :\ I appreciate that he’s kinda hinting at us fans. sigh I hope the future is good with him. I really like the pic. Because it still looks like Carl Grimes taking over the world like we all hoped it would be in the show and comics. (11/25)

-If I’m/TSDF was wrong2, then cool! .... And give me crow to eat! Then all of my speculations and my comments and stuff lately, still means something, ok. that some of my posts, that something in the way of Rick is changing and starting anew for the “New Beginning”. I still like that the writers are building up arcs and parallels cos i like them. It just be more about Rick and not (also) about upcoming Carl’s death. Before the big rumored spoiler happened, I first thought the hintings/foreshadowing stuff was that Rick was thinking of not killing Negan but prisoning him. Even though it’s unpopular to do that but for civilization. However, there’s foreshadowing of Rick’s child will die or Rick will die. eh. sigh. Something major is gonna happen..anyway.

Rick’s death too?- Of course the writers like to tease and make us worry about our faves. It’s also an old show and cast can leave n stuff. In s8, there’s a lot of Rick stuff..huge arc for him imo..and it seems right with the Carl’s death / Negan prisoned. I also like the character. So, rn is the finale ep filming-week. The spoiling folks are all going crazy. Like usually in finale ep we try to find who will die in the finale. Sure I guess Rick might die as well. sighhhhhh, change. So if Grimes boys die then i’m done. ok. but first, it’s nice to know ahead of time and just to know it. but we dont know anything rn. so...and i don’t see any confirmation lately.

TWD fandom/wank2- Sometimes I forget how Carl’s death will totally change the show. It haven’t happen yet. I’m like fine with it when it happens, so far. I still got my faves and I think the story can still work, and my interests. But it’s gonna change a lot and the fandom is gonna go super crazy. There’s also gonna be a lot of fandom wank or just sensitive opinions.

 It’s also a big change, like on just keep watching or different fans around and stuff. / I’m like worried about the fandom wank..BUT the fandom wank is ALREADY sucky rn. OMG idk why , a lot of people just don’t like the war stuff/action stuff. lol what about the avengers/boring action movies? i feel it’s better than s7 but fans say it was boring.(oprah gif, which is true?) I don’t understand but whatever. I like s8A and it seems like the usual. People complaining stuff are stuff that have been around since s4 or whenever and it’s like well....that’s what TWD will do. Something that they havent changed, they will keep doing that. Accept what kind of show it is. I also don’t think TWD is teh best show eva. So, as long I like the show, I’ll keep watching it.  Just idk..whatever interests you and know that it’s the writer’s show. 

Kinda off topic..Sigh. Idk how to deal with the fandom wank and the negativity. I know that I gotta stop reading comments and stuff. gotta skim thru and not read into things. It’s weird that it comes from TSDF, ukno big fan sites. anyways.. But gosh it’s a fandom. where’s the fun stuff? I can’t stand the hate-watchers or fans blaming everything to Gimple. idk why but i wanna defend gimple. TWD is not worst show evah. If it is (ur opinion) then stop watching. i just feel that these fans should know already and deal with it. I don’t like their sarcastic comments to everything, everyday, and (mis)judge thing all the time. Like um can u just quit the show please. They criticize things so hard and early when u know ....it’s a season ..there’s arcs and u gotta wait how it unfolds. Also, idk why some fans wanna figure out why the show suck and etc., when like so what? it’s ur opinon and ur time and energy to keep watching the show. u decide and deal with it. Plus, pointing out articles that’s trashing on TWD and hoping Gimple sees it(how can anyone know) it or hoping Gimple gets fired,..it doesn’t make the show how u want it to go. TWD show is Gimple’s story. Just ..idk tired of negativity. im so burnt out on fandomwank. we haven’t seen Carl’s death yet. blah. Now people are just coming up with negative things about Chandler, Gimple, and business. TBH if Chandler wants to quit because of boring Carl storylines, I think that’s dumb. It’s a job and many actors would love to have his job. 

-so it’s getting closer to S8 msf. The majority of the fandom already don’t like the season. (idk why...as in based on their reactions. they act like it’s drastically bad) They don’t like slow war action stuff, I guess. And, recently characters are being charactery... all about the ‘kill all saviors or have POW’. Now there’s rogue teams and going against Rick’s “plan” and that looks like TF dumb. So, idk, whatever. It won’t last long..msf is coming up. Plus ratings are down..maybe fans are tired or just television views are changing. Anyways, it doesn’t bother me much with the charactery stuff, because it’s still feels like TWD to me and characters still feel like in character.Also, maybe things might make more sense later on(season’s/s8A’s not done.)  (ofc Daryl will go mad and do stupid stuff because that’s what that arc usually does to characters. full-circle arc.) ....Fandom wank stuff..but like it’s already happening so, try to avoid it now and especially in the winter hiatus. sigh.

stop reading comments and go make fan art!

-(wank) it seems like the fans should know a bit about the comics. The comics are written by Kirkman. The fans could decide if they like the rest of the TWD comic stories/Kirkman’s stories, just to see where TWD tv show might go, and if you like it in general. First, the comic books of TWD is not over. It’s still going. So, it’s like ..might seem like there’s no endgame or strong narrative. But I do see it and i don’t think it’s just random plots. Second, AOW/s8 is about war and so we’ll see war stuff and yeah Negan lives. Third, it’s mostly about Rick and Carl-old premise whatever, Rick’s leadership. Fourth, Gimple likes to have the show be closely to the comics/Kirkman’s writing even though it’s a bit different. (Daryl, Tara, Richonne)   However, Gimple could adapt the comic story to be better than the TWD comics or completely change something to make the story better in the TWD show. But you know..it’s been 4 years of Gimple showrunning so  it’s gonna be what will be (and like before). There are some things that was better than the comics, the characters are more 3D, imo I like the tv show medium struture than the comics, and we got Richonne heh, Carol being badass, and characters that are not from the comics being present. So, yeah there’s some positive and negative stuff about how Gimple is and is not adapting from the comics. There’s also you can’t just expect from the comics because TV show is always different and there’s also remixes. craziness. Soon, bringing in Carl’s death, it’s gonna change the show a lot and I think it’s gonna change a lot for Gimple too since he likes to follow the comics closely (and some think he sucks at it) . It’s probably gonna be like s3 when Mazzara(?) did the show. Not like the comic book much. But not like Mazzara too much..like killing off andrea for no reason and no sympathy. Gimple added the part of Rick,Daryl, Michonne meeting bitten-Andrea..i don’t like s3.

s8B and on- I think I would like to keep watching after Carl’s death. I really hope the writers did a good death scene and like have closure/conclusion on the Old Premise of the show. Or, some kind of transition. I hope so..sigh. Or it will just feel like a big plot hole. S8B is gonna be like a new show. It’s gonna be a New Beginning but before that future timeline/comic adaption will happen. Next year, TWD is gonna be so different and there’s gonna be so many changes. It’s like the old show is already over. It’s sad..just another change to deal with.  I realized that even though I know Carl’s death will happen, and a lot of other changes will happen, I still gotta say goodbye to TWD old premise-show. Even though I think might wanna continue watching the show, Carl is/was/supposedly the heart of the show and the story. So, I’m hoping for good writing and some good reason why the premise is changed or that it’s always been Rick’s show. I think it helps me and others to just think s1-s8A TWD show is over. TWD s8B,s9-’The New Beginning’ is a whole another TWD show. A show that is more different than the comics. But still Gimple writing and yeah, idk if he will change it up more or keep remixing/adapting so closely. / I still have to wonder if I like the show during s8B and on. It’s gonna be tensed...fandom’s gonna be tensed and sensitive.

-I think I said it already but little things makes me realize how Carl impacting TF will just affect them too from his death...and based from the comic book adaptions. Obviously, Rick. But like others..Team Family, Michonne, Negan 

-parallels/callbacks- I noticed there’s parallels in s8A. Idk if the show does that often but I feel it’s more than usual. These parallels are like reminding us of the old premise or just s1-7. It also kind of makes think of how some shows do these parallels in their last season. So maybe s8A is kinda treated like a series finale. Idk. It’s also mainly about or happens to Rick...and Carl. (8x06, Carl will say the “3 questions” to Siddiq) I watched ep 6, I love that Carl mentioned what his promise to his mom. Wow that’s it. That’s my one moment I needed it to see before he dies.

-more character deaths/cast change?- so after s8 filming, Andy shaved his beard and I’m surprised about that. I thought he would grow it out even more. Unless he can grow it out for s9 to look like ‘ old man rick’ quickly in the off season. I don’t see any Rick-death spoilers however. Anyways, it reminds me that there could be more changes to the show than we think. yeah, so far we know Carl dies and it’s a huge change. But remember we still don’t know everything until when the s8 is all done.  ,...Enid. I heard about the actress got a different show to do. I’m thinking is Enid gonna die too. Uh really? Just what are the writers gonna do in S8B and on. Enid is based on Sophia in the comics. I just idk.. It’s gonna change a lot for the show and TF.

11/30- ok from last sunday. omg I’m guessing Morgan will die in s8 finale. I’m surprised how they revealed it that on TTD and how he’s crossing over to FTWD. I guess long term and FTWD is diff timeline. I’m like sad and shocked. But, a lot of people have been speculating that Morgan will die in s8 because of well comic-Morgan had already died and tv-Morgan had built the jail cell...so it’s like moral compass charactery way and that Rick will do what Morgan *and Carl would want Rick to do. Put Negan in the cell. I also think Gimple likes Lennie so much that he’s like ok..so u can also go to FTWD and then Lennie agrees. (Gimple showrunning there too.) // Another theory about Morgan is maybe he will take “comic-Michonne’s pirate-arc” and be missing for awhile and come back eventually. But, I doubt that. Or ..FTWD gonna have a timejump and merge(cancel) into TWD and Alpha is Madison and Morgan is Beta. blah blah idk. tired of the amc / franchise thing. they killed travis. boo.

eta. 1/12/18, new cast, Lennie pics. So far Morgan pics look like Morgan before s6. Before he found Rick. (like where FTWD is at rn) So maybe Morgan is still dead but we see him in the past~ . Or he’s alive and traveled and found FTWD characters. And it’s like he’s taking comic-Michonne’s “pirate” arc. during the time-jump.

more tv changes?- Oh, about Gimple, there’s theories by hate-watchers, that like there’s other changes could happen like TWD lawsuits, Gimple leaving TWD to FTWD, Gimple fired?(i doubt it),ratings stuff, TWD leaving AMC, etc. 

-So this is kinda the last time to update these #twd s8 spoilers posts.12/5/17 Finally get to just post whatever and not hide it. Though fandom is gonna be annoying and crazy. idk. Craziness begins. Seems like there’s more meta posts..that’s cool. But I realized that after msf ep, it’s gonna just be same fandom stuff. And, probably more hate-watchers or so ...along with fandom wank from the hiatus. sigh. // Either way im not ready. this ep 9 is gonna be sad. 

1/12/18- holy shit those promo pics of Carl and his fam, im like tearing up of it. it’s real ..it’s gonna happen. sigh sadz.  So we’re getting more info and from EW and it’s interesting what the writers think of this new change. I feel like we’re lucky in the part of getting interviews and stuff of TWD cos others shows don’t do that sometimes. We get info and we will get more. 

Anyways, I’m starting to wonder if the writers KNOW that it’s a big risk and big change to the TWD story. Like it’s their biggest one ever. Not like Sasha, Hershel death kind of thing. I hope they know that and keep respecting Carl /old premise / heart of the show after s8. ..in imo or how i see it. (i kno fandom is upset and all). If they treat it like the other deaths, idk, i would feel like not trusting to the writes. idk. I do think they know and put great care to it, so far. Ep. 9 and rest of s8B will explain more and I would see how the writers think of Carl’s death in the story.

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

How did you get into writing fanfiction? Did you write before you started writing fanfiction? And how/when did you become an exo fan? Ayeeee sorry for so many questions! :P Just curious and love your work!

Ooooo this feels like an interview! Ill put a read more link because it will be long.

I’ll start with the EXO question because that was the catalyst to all of this. I wasn’t an EXO fan until 2015. Prior to that i was a fan of Big Bang though, i watched a ton of korean dramas, like seriously a ton and my vision went bad because of it, but thats another blog post. So after Answer Me 1997/Reply 1997 i became a huge fan of Seo In Guk and followed his work. His singing and his acting and i was super excited about this drama called I Remember You/Hello Monster that he was going to be in.

Well i was already on Tumblr and since i was a BigBang fan, i followed some blogs that reblogged a lot of kpop so i was AWARE of exo, and i even remember seeing that one post about “when d.o. Smiles it happens slowly and his lips tremble at first before he smiles wide” and i was just thinking “man, this fandom…” anyway i knew that kristaolu had just left and things were a bit shaky in the group and that one of them was an actor and was doing some dramas. I didnt pay too much attention until i started watching I Remember You/Hello Monster and this guy is on the screen and he looks just like any other actor yet the fucking VikiComments are going NUTS. Like they are just moving so fast about “OMO he looks so good” and “My babyyyyy” and im just like ‘wtf who is this guy?’ And then i see the word 'exo’ and then 'kyungsoo’ and i think OH this must be the EXO member who is also an actor.

Well….fucking welll….this fucker…fucking do kyungsoo is so amazing in this drama. And he’s only in it in the beginning and in small flashes throughout but he left an impression with his acting long before i ever heard a single EXO song. Long before i heard him singing for real.

Of course i resisted. It was awful. I had my mind full of Big Bang and i didnt have time for anther group and there were SO MANY MEMBERS i think it took me months to be able to tell the difference between Sehun and Luhan and it only really stuck because Luhan left.

So i gave in and went to youtube and i watched Growl and i had already become familiar with Xiumin’s face for some reason, i guess he really just stands out so i was watching him closely beause i recognized him and in my head he was the face of EXO. If i saw Xiumin then i knew that this group of a million people was EXO. So that part in Growl where the camera pans and D.O. Comes in with his part singing….that one single line. That one part was what did it. I paused the video, went back. Watched it again. And then again and again and i felt something realllllly fucking stupid inside my chest and i said “this is the actor…this is that same person. Wtf. Hes got the best voice ive heard in a really long time.” Of course I was this calm. Im always this calm when im dying inside.

Okay so i started following some EXO blogs and watching a whole bunch of videos and by the time i got around to watching all of EXO showtime, i was pretty much falling very hard for this group. They were funny. They were talented as fuck. They were charming and i was a goner. The moment when Kyungsoo left Luhan behind in the haunted house was the kicker. I was in love. Completely and totally and hopelessly in love and there was no going back.

Okay now as far as writing. I wrote a lot in school. I actually REALLY REALLY enjoyed those 10k research papers were you had to cite your sources and be all informative, and i always got good grades on them. But i also read a lot. A lot of books , a lot of fiction and I read a ton of Big Bang fanfiction. I still have my favorites from that time that I Remember very very fondly but I never really came across smut. Hahaha i dont know why but i didnt. Until EXO…because holy shit you guys….this fandom….

Anyway i was aware of fanfiction and i always loved reading and when you find a really good story regardless of it being a book or a fanfiction you kind of just become one with that story and it becomes almost a part of your soul….i was searching for that perfect exo story.

I never wrote creatively prior to Feb 2016 when i started this blog. I knew english well and i understood the general flow of a story but i was under the impression that i wasnt a good creative writer. I dont know why i had this impression but honestly i had never had enough motivation to give it a try.

But i had this idea in my head. This story that i wanted to read but i couldnt quite find anything that fit the bill and so i submitted a request to a fanfiction blog that took requests and got nothing. No response or rejection, nothing, just silence for weeks and weeks and finally i thought “wait, why am i waiting for this…i should just write it” so i sat down and i wrote the first story i ever wrote and called it Buzz and i thought “this is smut, i cant post this to my main blog….i have people there who know me in real life. Hehehe” and so i quickly created a side blog and the first thing that popped into my head was “sobadnoonecanstopher” but it was taken and i added an extra o for kyungsoo and it was available and the rest is fucking history. You guys came and were like “hey this is pretty good? Is this really your first story?” And everyone was nice and sweet and someone was all “can i make a request” and then i wrote “And There She Is” the sehun story and that one really seemed to take off and people were crying (wtf) and i just kept going. And now look at all of you....who ARE you people?!

Sorry this is so long. Bwahaha