#i wrote this before the uh

[writeouswriter]

My followers: And is this “writing” you’ve been “working on” in the room with us right now?

[vaguely-concerned]

To the ‘themes I am picking up on in Veilguard’ list, let's go ahead and add what I have a sneaking suspicion will actually turn out to be The theme:

— the world has changed and can never be as it was again.

— I have been changed and can never be who I was again.

— in this simple unavoidable truth there is endless grief and endless hope.

And I… may be getting a bit emotional about it haha. Let me show my work a bit: 

if da:o is a game about people who are already dead or half ghosts in some form (through societal forces, psychologically, functionally, literally, in body, through the joining etc.) coming together anyway to save the world from being swallowed by total nihilism and despair (symbolized by the blight) through the power of love and friendship and also this sword/potential heroic sacrifice that I found, da2 is a game about people who have lost their homes and been set adrift finding and building new homes in each other (while completely failing to save the world. also through the power of love and friendship. as well as years of petty bickering <3 we must imagine kirkwall if not happy then worth having been because the love was there the love was there and that's the only sanctifying force we can ever have in this doomed world and city of ours), and da:i is a game about old stabilizing-but-unjust comfortable lies vs. disruptive but potentially liberating uncomfortable truths, and the power of friendship to help us distinguish the one from the other and navigate through them...

folks… I'm starting to think that veilguard might be a game specifically about moving towards recovery and acceptance after trauma — about how even in this flawed, severed, scarred state, what is here right now is worth loving and worth caring for. even in an imperfect and impermanent world and self, there is worth and joy. and of course the first real tragedy — and threat — of Solas is that he just cannot find it in himself to accept this and move on, to let go of what was, the regret won’t let him go or he won’t let go of it. which means that even though on the surface it’s Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain (and the will to subjugate and violate they represent) who are the main villains, the real antagonistic force in this story beneath that is the Dread Wolf’s despair. A despair Rook must make an answer to by the end of the game, one way or another, compassionately or with righteous fury, triumphant or pyrrhic.

The world will change again and again and so will you — BUT the crucial element is that so will everyone else who exists along with you, you are fundamentally not alone in this existential truth. all we’ll ever have is each other and my god that is plenty, my god that is enough!!! Which is the second thing Solas just can’t accept, he keeps himself separate and completely alone out of an awful mix of fear and pride and feeling himself unworthy of anything else. Rook and the player want to save the world of Thedas because it’s where everyone we love lives, Solas wants to go back to the past because that’s the only neighbourhood where he can still visit those he loved — and the person he himself was, before. A very sympathetic and human instinct/trap to fall into when touched by trauma, I think, if only it wasn’t backed by godlike power, a fundamentally oppositional personality, and a catastrophic lack of therapy to make it literally everyone else’s problem too lol. It’s varric and solas’ banter about the man on the island and where meaning in a life comes from all over again, writ large and with detail work — and the added idea of ‘what if there are also other islands out there, though. With other people on them that you could find if you reach for each other’. Rook with the best of intentions has to make choices to which there are no perfect outcomes and live with what happens — and not cut themselves off from everyone else around them even when there is regret or shame. You get back up every day and you make a life with other people doing the same and you do your best, and that’s the only victory this world will give you. In the end, that is more than enough, that is essential. And I um. I love that. So much. It’s why some of the writing clumsiness on top can’t hurt me because this thematic spine is so solid and so beautiful to me. It’s DA2 all over again that way for me personally — I forgive this story for what it isn’t and couldn’t be, and I love it with my whole stupid open heart for what it actually is. Thank you for coming to my TED-talk and goodbye etc.      

(For my fellow TLT heads out there — you know what this story is reminding me of most of all, actually? It has some big Nona the Ninth vibes down there in the deep. It’s about… the horror and unspeakable beauty that can only be found in liminality, and the role of love in making that basic fact of existence bearable. And also even more unbearable at the same time. I'm so sorry.)

[justvea18]

I just wanna share this thing I wrote in my Priv😁

[a-star-that-burns-brightly]

[ content warning: discussion of in-canon sexual abuse ] Maybe it’s just because I’m not too active in the ALNST fandom and mostly observe from afar, but I think this fandom brushed aside way too quickly the fact that Till was sexually assaulted. I have never seen anyone talk in depth about like, what that actually means in terms of his arc and the storytelling of his character. Which I find deeply, deeply upsetting because holy fucking shit.

This man right here has been told, basically his entire life, that not only is he himself not worthy of being treated as a human, but that his body is not his body, but a piece of property that can be owned. And whoever owns his property can use it for whatever, and however they wish. Now, dehumanization is nothing new or unique in this world, obviously. The very concept of Pet Humans is dehumanizing by nature, leaving all six of our main characters as victims to it, even those who are more well-off like Mizi. But Till is a specially fucked up case almost distinctly unlike the rest, because he is actually treated like a fucking dog.

(x) Ivan: If you keep rebelling like that, they won’t ever remove your collar you know? Till: This annoying bastard… — Ivan: I told you so, didn’t I? You didn’t listen? Till: This annoying bastard... (translation courtesy of @leiikos on youtube)

(x)

An unruly animal who needs to be leashed up and put in it’s place. Animals, as is common knowledge, are not on the same level as a human being. But they are ordained to follow the commands of those above them. And if someone (thing) isn’t doing as it is told…

It deserves to be taught better. But I’m getting ahead of myself. This is the mindset that has followed Till his entire life by the ones who were supposed to take care of him. He is not human, even less human than the existing inhuman. He is a pet, even more so than the other pets, an animal. A thing. Property. Something to own. And the best thing about owning something?

You gain the ability to do whatever you want to it. Till’s body was not his from the start. It was used as something to toy around with, experiment with, to train and train and train, presumably for his whole life. His body, his skin, his flesh and bone and blood, it was all nothing more than a plaything. So what if he screams? Just ignore it. Or don’t. If this competition has taught us anything, voices have the most value of all. On top of it being reinforced that Till is not deserving of humanity, he is also not deserving of his bodily autonomy. People are free to do whatever they want with his body because it’s not his body, it’s theirs. And that brings us, finally, to the scene itself

He can’t sing her song, he refuses to. This isn’t the first time he’s refused to do something, far from it actually. What was once an innocent puppy with dilated hope in his eyes has grown into an angry, disobedient mutt. And we know what happens to an animal that refuses to do what they’re told. But there’s something interesting about dogs, or rather about the ones they descended from, the wolf: When the circumstances call for it, they will bite the hand that’s supposed to feed them.

And here is where I intrude to remind you that this is the only time we see anyone physically fighting back against the aliens in the confines of Alien Stage. We see Hyuna and Mizi fucking up aliens in All In, but that was after they had escaped from the cage. And you could make a case for Mizi trying to escape the grasp of the guards that grabbed her in Ruler of My Heart, but from what we saw she didn’t actually lay a hand on them and more so just tried to force herself out of their grasp. though if you disagree with me on that that's fine Here though? Till has this bitch’s face grabbed into his palm with a bottle in hand ready to smash it directly in between it’s eyes. I consider this to be the first act of physical violence shown against the aliens within the uncomfortably tight enclosure. And it’s triggered not because of anything personally done to Till, which on its own could probably fill a list that reaches the ground. But because of the prospect of Mizi being dead. Till knows that this place is shit, that his life is shit. Said so directly on his profile.

Dislikes: Everyone, including Guardian Urak (translation courtesy of @kh47uo on twitter)

But he stays regardless because Mizi is there. If Mizi is dead, Till has absolutely nothing to lose…Right?

I can almost imagine him thinking: There’s nothing you can put me through that’s worse than every other way you’ve hurt me. …But there was. Oh there was.

A final, disgusting message to the pet to put him back in his place. Back on his leash. Making sure he will never forget where he stands for the rest of his days.

And that is really what the sexual assault of Till represents to me. It is a cruel reminder to Till that fighting back is impossible, having hope, being free, it might as well be a fool's fantasy. He will always be less-than-human, less than anything. His body will always be the property of the ones that were supposed to protect him, claimed, and then used used used until it’s worn out and dead.

And the aliens chose to exemplify that fact in the most direct way they possibly could.

So what if he screams? Just ignore it. Or don’t. If this competition has taught us anything, screams have the most value of all

[charming-doodles]

Happy Holiday Truce @jackdaw-sprite !!! (And a happy new year~)

I kinda smushed two Lost Time prompts and was inspired by two posts you tagged as Lost Time for inspiration since I've never really written or drawn art exploring Danny and Clockwork's relationship before. (Hope that's ok xp) I hope you like it ><

Danny raced through the Zone, struggling to reach Clockwork's lair as ghost after ghost delayed him, picking a fight with what Danny's core quietly noted was motivated by desperation.

Desperate to what? Beat him to the ground?

No, that wasn't it.

His core hummed with... discomfort??? Unsatisfaction??? None of these ghost were giving him what he wanted.

What did he want?

Danny didn't know. Didn't have time to think as he blasted away one of his rouges, confusion bubbling when Pandora of all ghosts seemed to bow at her defeat. Although, it wasn't like she was putting much effort into their fight. She seemed only amused. A quiet acceptance lingering in her eyes as he slowly floated away from her.

"I understand I can't have you. Not with how your cores call for each other."

...what?

He didn't stick around for an answer. A desperate need like no other pulling him towards Clockwork. Idly, as he finally reached Clockwork's lair, a conversation he had with Clockwork resurfaced.

"Ugh, that's the third time this week that Skulkers broken his promise not to attack during school hours! And it's only Tuesday!" Clockwork simply smiled in amusement as Danny ranted about his day.

"But as I recall, you've successfully ended the fight before the Fentons showed up with minimal damage. You're improving. What is there to complain about?"

Danny snarled but pulled back, startled at his harsh reaction, hands slapping his mouth closed. Where did that come from?

"Sorry, it's just that..." He growled softly, flexing his hands into fists, "Lately these fights have been feeling so... UGH lame!"

"Lame?"

"Yeah! Lame." He huffed, looking away from Clockwork, knowing he was laughing at his childish insult.

"Poor thing." Danny's core bubbled at the insult. Clockwork raised his brow towards Danny, the ghostling's irritability easy to read with how little control he has in hiding his core's projections. "Is the lame fights to blame for your irritability or does the baby ghost need a bedtime?"

"BEDTIME?!" He stuttered at the offense, his core surged at the insult. He groaned. "Don't tell me you want to pick a fight, too! That's what everyone seems to want from me lately! At least you'll be a challenge."

Clockwork's eyes pierced right through his soul and Danny involuntarily shivered with fear.

"Perhaps tomorrow."

"Tsk- Perhaps tomorrow." Danny mocked. "Scared you'll lose?"

"No." He smiled a little, "I'd like to see their desperation as they fight for guardianship one last time. I let this go on long enough."

Guardianship. His core hummed with recognition. Expectation.

This was it. What was it? He wouldn't be alone anymore! Since when was he alone? He just had to prove himself! But why??

He entered Clockwork's lair with a grimace, irritated and tired from all the ghosts attacking him since their last conversation. Everyone understood what they were fighting for except him. Would Clockwork even explain himself after?

He didn't have much time left to think, when Clockwork swung at him. His core hummed with excitement, wild green eyes meeting calm, piercing red.

Game on.

[mylarena]

thinkin abt soap being able to touch ghost, unlike literally anyone else on base. like, even gaz and price get minimal leeway on it. the medics act like hes a feral cat when treating him. theres rumors that he once broke a guys wrist for patting his arm.

but then soap shows up, and hes like, Ah Nah Man, Itll Be Fine!

and punches him in the shoulder and says 'save ya a seat, sir!' and sees the momentary flash of shock from his absolute fucking audacity before he turns and ignores the absolutely killer glare he gets as he walks away

then ghost pats his arm before he leaves the camera room, leaving soap too shocked to do anything but give him a weak thumbs up as he walks away

then soap pats his shoulder before climbing onto the helo out of las almas

and thats just the start.

people around base see soap bump shoulders with ghost while walking down a hallway and everyone can only look on in horror as ghost-- does nothing. huffs and rolls his eyes, but does nothing.

and anyone who witnessed it are simply not believed when they tell people about it.

but they know.

then it happens again, and more people see it, and then its flying around the base in whispers and gossip.

"soap gave lieutenant ghost a shove and he didnt even react!"

"he sat next to him during the brief, and he was pressed right up to him!"

"they were sitting across from each other in the mess, and, you wont even believe this, but they were playing footsies! soap was stealing things right off of his plate! and ghost just let him!"

and ghost starts being more open to other peoples touch, too. nothing even fractionally as close to what he lets soap get away with, but price gets to ruffle his hair in the 141 common room in the rare occasion that ghost is without his mask. gaz can throw an arm around his shoulder without being growled at like a fuckin dog.

the next time a rookie accidentally bumps into him, theyre terrified for a moment that theyre either going to be booted off the base for disrespecting their CO or gutted like a fish, but ghost just nods stiffly to their frantic apology and steps to the side to walk right past them.

and, even wilder than everything else, ghost is seen initiating contact with soap. patting him on the back (making soap beam like the sun), ruffling his hair (causing soap to borderline giggle), grabbing him by the chin to tilt his head to get a better look at a wound over his eyebrow (making soap look up at him with a gentle expression, settle a hand over his wrist, and softly reassure him that he's okay.)

and it says a lot that eventually when someone says that they walked into the gym late one night and caught ghost and soap pressed chest-to-chest with soaps arms hooked up and around ghosts neck and ghosts hands on soaps hips, people dont immediately dismiss it as something entirely unbelievable.

[keylimeart]

yapping about my little xmen au 🫶

[nyoomfruits]

💕 & loscar (alternatively landoscar) pretty please!!

went on a wild tiktok/ao3 binge for this one because i realized i know very little about the dynamics and ended up going for very cliche pairing accurate angst lmao

💕 kissing somewhere other than lips

Logan ends up watching the rest of the Canadian Grand Prix from a corner in the garage, tucked away between some storage boxes and a stack of tires. It’s clear no one really knows what to say, because the engineers flit around without speaking to him and only occasionally send him half smiles that are probably meant to be encouraging but mostly just remind him of what he stands to lose.

James has been openly courting Sainz in the press all week. They know. They all know.

So he watches the race, the constant shuffle of the top five with his heart in his throat, lets out a long breath when Oscar gets passed by Hamilton, then Russell. He doesn’t know if he’s disappointed or relieved that Oscar didn’t score a podium, and he doesn’t know if that makes him a horrible boyfriend or just human.

The trek back to the Motorhome is short, the debrief even shorter. Logan avoids the pinched expressions of everyone in the room, answers all questions with yes and no, pretends he isn’t five seconds away from crying.

He just wants to go home.

The paddock is mostly empty when he leaves, and he never stops being surprised by the absolute lightning speed everyone manages to pack up ever time again. But he’s grateful for it now, because it means that when he encounters Oscar, waiting for him by the McLaren motorhome, that Oscar can wrap an arm around him without anyone noticing, pull him close, press a soft, lingering kiss to his temple. “Pizza?” Oscar asks, because he knows better than to talk about it.

Plus he knows Logan will break, later tonight, when they’re already in bed, lights turned off, so Logan can just whisper his insecurities into the dark around them and can pretend Oscar doesn’t hear. Oscar will pull him closer, then, hand over his heart, lips pressed into his hair, and he won’t know what to say, because Oscar’s never been good with that kind of stuff, but he will hold Logan, and maybe that’s enough.

“Yeah,” Logan says, as a gaggle of photographer’s trips out of one of the alleyways between the motorhomes, and Oscar’s hand slides of his shoulder, back into his own pockets.

God, Logan thinks, glancing at him sideways. Please. Let it be enough.

[demon-of-arts]

[riftclaw]

i haven't been able to draw much for the last few months for various reasons, which is why i've been writing instead. this is something that @sege-h drew and i coloured

sege has been helping me out by listening to my disjointed ramblings about my 15+ year old pokemon au, which had entirely too much lore developed before pokemon had much lore to go with and is based on the earlier canon to begin with. sege then got very into gurren lagann again, and went "what if i put my blorbo in your pokemon au and he was kind of lance's adoptive brother"

"if you do, i'll make it canon" i said, knowing this could only possibly improve things

i was correct

(sege drew this also)

[anishenanigans]

happy pride month to Mei who is definitely trans. I yearn for the day people start talking about this more.

[springtrappd]

everyone: wow I can't wait for tftp to explain what's up with the blob

tftp: so about this mimic thing--

everyone: wow I can't wait for ruin to explain what's up with the blob

ruin: so about this mimic thing--

everyone: wow I can't wait for hw2 to explain what's up with the blob

hw2:

everyone:

hw2: so about this m--

[timeregistry]

I wanted to reply to this comment with a picture but you can't do that on tumblr (I think?!) but it made me giggle so much that I wanted to just do a quick thing because idk inspo comes in all forms DONT LOOK AT IT TOO HARD but thanks for the banger idea @mysteryart5645 (I hope you don't mind the @ !)

[wyldblunt]

[GRIPPING MY HEAD AND GROANING, OVERCOME WITH VISIONS OF TORMENT] thinkign about. glyndwr, champion of vlast,

my first thought was "vlast lives au" but it doesn't even have to be that. it can be that he WAS always meant to be vlast's champion but ... well. sucks. and actually he probably wouldn't even know bc he doesn't remember his dream/wyld hunt at all (and if he DID know it would drive him into a delirious hateful breakdown bc over the years he has developed a phobia of one day remembering his wyld hunt, or finding out that everything in his life HAS been in service of a forgotten hunt whether he meant it to be or not. he does not want to know.)

i have already been kicking around the idea of glyn having this. very very bad habit, after PoF, of prowling the mists kind of voyeuristically looking in on other timelines (alan heavily disapproves of this and worries about him a lot, merrit hates it and worries about him a lot, rytlock thinks it is a really bad idea but still got tricked into giving over some tips, canach hates it but won't bring it up bc they are both so fiercely independent that sometimes it means they mutually fail to do things like, uh, "Talking About My Needs, Opinions, and Feelings in Regards to Our Relationship, Lest I Infringe Upon Your Will"). he thinks about vlast a lot. he thinks about rytlock's fuckup a lot. he knows, obviously, that sulking around peering into smudgy windows between realities hoping you get a glimpse of a timeline where things went better is an astonishingly bad idea.

(i mean, like, what would you even do if you found one. kill that glyndwr and steal his life? ha ha ha! that's, that's wacky. you wouldn't do that.)

and maybe one day he looks through a rift and sees himself with vlast. shining as brightly as alan does with aurene. infinitely stronger, OBVIOUSLY stronger. not just accepted by the world but beloved, TRULY thought of as a hero (because he's never been that to tyria, no matter what he does — alan is the hero of tyria. glyndwr is a necessary evil, a weapon that makes everyone uncomfortable but is too valuable to set aside. he jokes about it all the time. because he thinks about it all the time.)

maybe he keeps coming back to that window. maybe he sees that he's still WITH alan in that timeline. maybe he sees so much less death, there. so many more victories. how can there not be, with another dragon on your side?

but maybe he doesn't see merrit. or canach, for that matter. maybe the lorelei he sees at alan's side isn't the same, in ways he feels discomfited by.

maybe one day he gets spotted. he knows better, but he can't help speaking. maybe he asks about canach.

and glyndwr, champion of vlast, barely remembers. it takes him a second; when he finally makes the connection, he seems a little amused. "oh, canach. that wayward secondborn — the one i put down in southsun."

(in glyn's timeline, after all, it was alan who handled all that — and he'd always rather put someone in handcuffs before he puts them in a box. not like glyn.)

(in glyn's timeline, after all, he was insulted that the thing even came across his desk — a karka infestation? for fuck's sake. as if he didn't have better things to do.)

(in glyn's timeline, after all, they've even joked about it, laying in bed — "it's a good thing it WASN'T you, dear. we would have just killed each other!" ha, ha —)

this is when he should have left. especially when he already wants to leap on his doppelganger and strangle him to death, because at every moment he's seeming like less a mockery of everything that's gone wrong in his world and more a mockery of every way he's managed to better himself.

but, as always, glyn can't help himself. he has to ask about merrit. he has to. her absense has been so conspicuous, every time he's stopped to spy on this world (and how many times has it been now? a dozen? more?).

now glyndwr, champion of vlast, does not look amused. now he's the one asking questions. he's asking what glyn means by that. he's asking about maguuma. he's asking, again and again, with increasing violence, what year it is, in glyn's tyria, how long is it after the mordrem campaign, how did you manage to get them all out—

maybe this is when glyndwr starts running. (we've said it already. glyndwr, champion of vlast, is infinitely stronger, obviously stronger.) maybe he's lucky he's spent this long slipping in and out of the mists — he can navigate just a little better. he still knows better than to lose time by looking back.

(i mean, what do you think he would do. kill you and steal your life? give up the one he has, the one that's so much better than yours?)

(the thing is, you would. the throne of a dragon champion, acceptance at last, unfathomable power — you would throw all of that in the mud and tread on it without looking down, for your son.)

(and he's you.)

maybe glyndwr, champion of vlast, is still catching up. maybe glyn can hear him gaining, can tell what he's planning, can calculate already that he'll be caught in moments at this rate, and there's probably no choice but to stop and face him—

(i mean, what are you going to do? kill him and doom his timeline, just to protect what's yours?)

(the thing is, he would.)

(and you're him.)

[lepertamar]

Since it was buried deep in a long esoteric fandom post, i kinda want to extract and expand on this comment as its own post

There is an ancient, global, historical and cultural meme: a ton of christian concepts of Satan, and of Hell, and satanic-ness, is based on antisemitic interpretations of jews. but also, and i mean this in the coolest possible way, as a Jew, much of it also has very strong similarities to real actual Jewish imagery -- in particular, to Jewish G-d.

take the explicit, overwhelming, absolutely ubiquitous association of G-d with fire, to the point where it is the overwhelmingly primary attribute of G-d, and any invocation of fire in the jewish tanakh hints at connotations of....obviously, well, G-d. (To be clear re: hell and fire: the technical likely origin of one of multiple components of the development of hell in metaphors of the new testament is gehenna/gehinnom, a valley outside jerusalem that acquired legends around it, at least a couple of which are fire-associated, but i'm obviously not making a Motive-Origin argument here (that would be for really hardcore archeologists) -- the real point is that in the text it's such a casual and passing set of imagery compared to eg 'the entirety of exodus and leviticus' that the very comparison makes the cultural eliding of this dovetailing/eliding of the 'g-d-as-fire' imagery while holding onto a instant connotation of 'hellfire' imagery pretty head-tilting in its own right). Blood dashing and blood marking, and flesh sacrifice by slaughtering and burning of offerings is religiously jewish, throughout the jewish Tanakh, especially in Exodus. The frightening imagery of fire and brimstone that in the tanakh marks G-d’s presence (in Sodom, at Sinai, at the red sea, in the ark of the covenant) has entered basic western vocabulary in the opposite direction, where this imagery -- imagery that in the sources characterizes all of G-d's and the Jews' presence and religious behavior in Exodus and throughout the rest of the Tanakh -- is casually described as hellish and satanic. Volcanoes' lava fields are 'hellish', fires of natural gases producing pillars of flame and smoke (that led the tribes in the desert and out of egypt in exodus) are 'hellish'. rituals of fire and blood and burning and heavy costumery and ancient crumbling scrolls hidden in arks embossed and engraved with strange tongues (all according to direct unsubverted tradition and commandment) are satanic.

and the devil obv has a characterization echoing judaism’s depiction of jewish G-d: as a challenging and frightening and alluring figure who straddles fae-adjacent borders between tricksterish disruption and extreme legalism, who makes deals and bargains (covenants, even) with humans.

In mainstream christianity it's a distancing game -- a forcible identification of all these recognizable attributes of G-d and judaism with the non-god, christian figure of the devil and the non-godly place of hell; and simultaneously an identification of jewish g-d with christian god (after all these attributes are stripped out), and of christian god with extremely different attributes, or at least opposition to the devil. But not always.

It's found in exactly as many words in foundational early Gnostic theology that had a great amount of influence on the development of early christianity: it explicitly and actively (rather than the implicit coding above that mainstream christian imagery does) identifies Jewish G-d, as in the exact God of the Jews who is depicted in the Torah, as a false god, the archon and demiurge, who should not be, who is responsible for creating the material world as an illusory, fallen, sinful, inherently corrupted world as an intentional prison, rather than an incomplete starting point a la grapes-but-not-wine, and whom Jews evilly or deludedly follow to maintain the existence of this sinful world rather than escaping to the neoplatonic purity of true forms, where the True God, the New Testament god who includes Jesus Christ, rules instead.

It's pretty ~normal as a process goes! (it in fact totally mirrors some stuff in judaism, where we identified various things as treyf because they had connotations of a canaanite pagan thing LMAO. semiotics using ingroups and outgroups in this way is very very common, and normal! and jewish g-d, of course, with Its troubled, complex heart, in many ways originates from israelite religion folding the hearts of many different canaanite gods into one person). but in this case it's maybe unique in scope and subtlety, for contingent historical reasons. mainstream christianity didn't like it, but this exact sort of rearrangement of identification repeats in several sects afterwards (catharism of the albegensian heresy fame being a well known one). mostly because well it's kind of obvious in terms of imagery, personality, and opposition, even if obviously totally dull and bland in terms of which direction is supposed to be the 'correct' or 'godly' one. but as i said, mainstream christianity always suppressed these heresies plenty even though mainstream christianity was obviously also very antisemitic, which is interesting: a case of the sign outstripping the signified to an incredible extent and of mainstream christianity being more invested in the project of backdooring-in identification with the god in question (eg the designation of gnosticism as a heretical sect by christianity, because mainstream christians preferred to recontextualize/repurpose jewish g-d in a supercessionism way, rather than break from It and allow jewish g-d to be defined by/identified with jews, even if in the gnostics’ explicitly evil way).

it does also have a weird and funny? consequence more modernly, among ppl who backlash to christianity with eg [demonic imagery is cool] stuff and don't realize what it looks like to people who have a slightly larger camera aperture: just skipping over the entire existence of judaism in terms of why the hell-stuff exists or is a hell-thing in the first place (there are a few reasons, and this is the big one). like, it DOES feel bizarre when there's like, ppl trying to be edgy and subversive by embracing christian demonicness that [checks notes] is just aesthetics and attitudes that are just very traditional jewish imagery and ritual. yk it just feels a bit....'hm....do they....uh.....know...'. when the old satanists 'inverted' the jesus pentagrammaton with uh, just the sigil of baphomet, as if the hebrew lettering etc is originally christian. like….

as most peopel know, the association of judaism with satanism is both extremely a longstanding Thing in antisemitism, but also smth jews are Super dystonic and jumpy to disclaim for obvious reasons.

now ofc jews's flat statement that this association is just 'fake' is like.....'true', in that while judaism certainly developed in the past 2 millennia with an awareness of christianity and in the same world as a variety of other cultural influences, judaism is obviously not about christianity. as in, it doesn't categorize its elements and framework of the world according to christian elements and frameworks. reversed or otherwise. but 'it's fake' is not like...a complete or interesting answer i guess. (like, it implies all hell aesthetics were totally independent and preexisting and judaism was only associated with it post-hoc); it's also kinda, giving up ground? in the going straight to 'hdu say we're freaks! we r normal!' rather than 'is that supposed to be an insult? this is awesome and also your instinct to categorize us this way is telling and interesting'

this isn't unique, similar reactions happen alot where there's a marginalized culture trying to avoid violence lol, but it's sort of. lame. why not lean into this attempted dunk. the material universe as a delicious as well as incomplete and perilous mass of bursting universeness, whose materiality is what brings about both fortune and misery, brought to material existence by jewish g-d who is scary and bizarre and fiery and has a great deal of weird opinions/ideas about a bunch of detailed specifics about this-worldly life and the this-worldly material of the universe, who makes deals with the particular people who engage with them -- who is a recognizable germinating seed of the surface of christian hell and satanic aesthetics and ideas, is metal and interesting!

and it's not like. idk. a set of frames that are incompatible with christianity either, afaict some traditions lean harder than others, but i'm jewish and obviously not exactly an expert in those aspects of christianity lol.

a friend of mine regarding their conversion to judaism said:

like g-d as a... person, for lack of better terms. g-d who is a bit of an unknown quantity? sort of devilish, smirking at you when They offer a deal and you are not aware of the legalese (or maybe you are! ) and it's just like. this is how g-d is. g-d is just being g-d, g-d is this rascal who is quite particular but also endlessly enamoured with what people will do...

i didnt (& still dont!) care for satan in the christian sense because ....i don't find a god who is unchangign and eternal and sort of... impersonal.... in any way interesting. & thus an anti-god who is.... there and personal but like just to "tempt" you or w/e is also boring in comparison.

but g-d who is playful, who is tempting and trying to seduce you and be seduced, who you can bargain w and get into a contract w which might seem "unfair" in some ways (fucking halakhah right wwww) and like bullshit legalese but it's like....you are agreeing to it! you are taking that on bc you find that worthwhile. like how someone sells t heir soul to the devil, because they think it's worthwhile; but ig in this case you're not rlly getting like, "be able to play the fiddle better than any mortal" type just a... you have the option and you want to take it! that is all far more compelling to me and far more godlike. bc it transforms g-d into an active participant

[twistedappletree]

Thinking about Lan Sizhui teaching Jin Ling how to play guqin.

Thinking about Jin Ling absolutely bored to tears by the fundamentals until he hears how beautifully Lan Sizhui plays and suddenly takes an interest (in the guqin, definitely the guqin, he’s interested in the guqin only, okay??)

Thinking about Jin Ling practicing outside of classes because he wants to impress Lan Sizhui by how much he’s improved and wants to make him proud and wants to see his face light up with a smile—I mean, what? No no no, he just wants to show initiative to learn, that’s all there is to it, nothing more. Nothing at all.

Thinking about Lan Sizhui finding Jin Ling asleep on his guqin after a night of wearing himself out with extra practice and gently waking him up to safely escort him back to his room so he doesn’t get caught by their seniors. Meanwhile, Jin Ling sleepily leans against him on the walk back to his room because it’s normal, he’s just tired, it’s obviously normal because Lan Sizhui slips his hand into his and smiles and Jin Ling’s heart feels like it’s on fire. Oh no.

Thinking about Jin Ling opening up to Lan Sizhui about his nightmares from all the trauma he’s endured and Lan Sizhui staying to play guqin for him until he falls asleep, each note chasing away every bad dream that tries to disturb him.

Thinking about them practicing guqin alone together the next day. And the day after. And the day after that—and they really are practicing but it’s a little hard to focus when Lan Sizhui keeps putting his hands over Jin Ling’s to move them to the correct strings, and Jin Ling’s face is a breath away from Lan Sizhui’s every time he leans over to help him.

It’s just guqin practice, that’s all there is to it, perfectly normal. 🩵💛