#i wrote all this already but tumblr decided to crash so ;-;

[redreart]

Everything we know about Staci Pratt

Some time ago, I wrote all the stuff you can possibly know about Staci Pratt (everything that was deleted and hard to notice from the first play). But it was in another language so I decided to translate it lol.

Also, I'm really inspired by @lulu2992 posts, because I'm still obsessed with fc5 lore as well

So, let's begin. I'm going to use some materials from other people on Tumblr and I'm going to leave links to their original posts and mention them in the credits later on.

Everything we CAN find in the game

At the very beginning of the game, while still in the helicopter, Pratt jokes about our Dep and offers Hudson to drink something from a flask, maybe an alcoholic beverage. (maybe the flask is to blame for the helicopter crash, lol). And note that Pratt is the main pilot of the helicopter (because he sits on the right).

Screenshot by @llazyneiph

Based on everything, we can conclude that Stacy is not affected by depression and probably is not a part of Eden's Gate at this point in the game. Although from another angle we can see that the flask he holds in his hands has an Eden's Gate cross on the other side, I assume Ubi were just too lazy to create another texture just for that scene.

Screenshot by @llazyneiph

While leaving the helicopter to go follow the sheriff Pratt may say something if you stay there for too long.

Staci Pratt: Suck it up, rookie! Get your head out of your ass and get up to the church. The fuck you doing? Follow the sheriff. Jesus...

When we meet Stacy after the failed attempt to put Joe in jail, he is already serving Jacob it is not clear why the box does not work on him, although then in one cutscene Only You from the loudspeaker has an effect on him. The game does not provide an answer to this question, although hypothetically this can be associated with deleted content, which will be discussed a little bit later.

Please this this amazing post by @lulu2992 because it summarizes what I want to say here

at.tumblr.com/lulu2992/i-feel-there-is-something-about-deputy-staci/pxihfpi1xgp4

And just a quick thing about Jacob.

In oasistrings (you can find it here text.farcry.info) Jacob call's Pratt "peaches" just once and I found no explanation except my own assumptions.

But the most obvious reason is that Jacob uses this to break Pratt. I mean he's already in a bad state but Jacob is just pushing it further. But also It's interesting that Staci likes Peaches the cougar. She's the only animal companion that he's positive about. This part is kind of cut from the game though because Pratt usually stays in the bunker. But if you'll have him as a companion with the help of the Resistance Mod he'll def comment on the animal you're with.

Another interesting thing was noticed by @hopecountyradio. Idk myself, but it is really worth mentioning. In the very first cutscene with Jacob, someone is carrying our Dep. @hopecountyradio thinks that it is Pratt who does it.

I've made a little collage so you guys can compare the shoes.

Just a bunch of random short facts that ARE in the game

Staci is 26 years old

He wears a wristband

He used to be or is a catholic because he knows the "Ave, Maria" prayer (you can listen to him praying here, Ave, Maria is the second one) which is most common amongst Catholics in the US (thanks @noire610 for telling me this)

Content that was deleted from the game

Let's start with the analysis of audio. Interestingly, not all of this ended up in the oasis strings.

Let's start with this interesting thing provided by @voices-of-hope-county. There are several dialogues between the peggies, Pratt and peggies, and even Jacob and peggies. All of them are united by the fact that they took place (should have happened) in the Veterans Center. Only one of them is available in oasis strings. I could not find the rest in the text file. Let's start.

Audio 1

Dialogue 1 | Audio 1:

Female peggie: Can you fucking believe that guy? Male peggie: Who? FP: The Deputy… Pratt. He was wandering around behind the cages. MP: The fuck was he doing there? FP: Who the hell knows? Jacob's probably got him off doing some shit. MP: Hahahah… He's lucky to put two words together after what Jacob did to him. FP: Seriously… Sometimes I think it's a mistake to put so much trust in this converts. You should come willing to the light, or be struck down. MP: Amen to that, sister.

Dialogue 2 | Audio 1 (can be found in oasisstrings):

Dialogue 3 | Audio 1

Staci Pratt: Hey… I need to get in. Male Peggie: Seriously? Didn't I just let you out? SP: There's a new prisoner… I gotta go get him. For Jacob. MP: Fine… Get going. Just leave me the fuck alone.

Dialogue 4 | Audio 1 (It sounds like Pratt knows the person he's talking to well)

Male Peggie: Don't this fucking dogs ever shut up? Staci Pratt: They're called Judges. MP: They are still fucking dogs. SP: Have you ever seen them kill? Those are more than just dogs, my friend. MP: Well… They still stank like dogs. Good Lord… Huh… Anyone cleans those cages? SP: Are you volunteering? MP: Fuck no! Haha… Are you kidding? SP: Then stop complaining.

Dialogue 5 | Audio 1 (It sounds like Pratt knows the person he's talking to well)

Staci Pratt: How does it look? Male Peggie: Not good. SP: What does that mean? Do we need a new one? MP: Not sure… We might be able to get away with just replacing the belt. SP: Right… And how long will that last? MP: Well… It might buy us a couple weeks. SP: Or… It may just blow up tomorrow. And then where will we be? MP: Up shits creek without a paddle. SP: So what do we tell Jacob? MP: We'll replace the whole fucking thing. It's the only way to be sure.

They're probably repairing a car because they're discussing timing belt.

Although the last dialogue in the audio does not involve Pratt, it does include Jacob and an explanation of how the converts are treated.

Dialogue 6 | Audio 1

Jacob Seed: Anything to report? Male Peggie: Sir. Truck just pulled up n' dropped of a bunck of new prisoners. JS: Recruits. MP: What? JS: We call them recruits. Soon they'll be a part of our army… Part of the Project. You need to respect that. MP: Ye… Yes, Sir. Of course, Sir. JS: I'm going down to see how the process is going. I'll be back soon.

As we can see there was plenty of stuff that should've happened in Jacob's region.

Audio 2

Staci Pratt: It's just gonna get harder… They want an offering. A sacrifice… I'm trying… I'm trying my best. You have to know that!.. I'm sorry.

Probably was talking to our Dep.

Audio 3

Starts after the prayers somewhere around here

Staci Pratt: The whole time I was locked in that room I just kept thinking about how I got here. You know why I became a cop? To get laid. That was it. It was a whim. And then... after awhile, I tried to convince myself that I did it for the greater good. To help people. But I can't. I know that now. Jacob taught me that... I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore... I don't even know who I am. I don't know what we're supposed to do now. Protect and serve? Out here? There's no law anymore, Rook. Look around! Someone should've been here by now. Nobody gives a shit about what's happening here. We're on our own. Survival of the fittest. Weak and the strong.

(I would love to meet these badge bunnies in Hope County ngl. Probably Adelaide eas one of them)

Also as @lulu2992 notices Pratt's name in game files is spelled Stacy.

Previous character designs

@hopecountyradio extracted a bunch of videos of Pratt's confession.

The first version is this one:

Also in this vid Jacob has greenish eyes

The second version is this one

Has an amazing Eden's Gate intro

And Staci looks like that:

A general conclusion can be drawn from all three versions, incl. the one that was included in the final version of the game, even though the water is hard to see there. Stacy was electrocuted here, so when we rescue him in the Armory that's another reason why he blows the control panel.

Thank ya'll for reading 🖤 I would love to chat about it and add info if you know something/can provide something I haven't mentioned

I used materials from @lulu2992 , @hopecountyradio , @voices-of-hope-county and text.farcry.info

[khaire-traveler]

you get enough asks of people with similar questions and i told myself i wouldn’t add to the list, but i’m rly struggling rn.

i’ve been an active hellenistic polytheist for 3 years now, and an apollo worshiper for around 2.

yet, i haven’t really felt a connection to apollo for a year now. anytime i pray to him, it feels hollow.

i know that the advice people typically give is to move on, but i feel like then it’d be a waste. its quite terrible of me to say, but ive spent so much money and time setting up such a dedicated altar just for it to collect dust.

any ideas or advice? no worries if not. have a lovely day my friend :]

Hey, Max, thank you for the ask! I apologize for the delay.

So, I originally wrote a whole ass post that had paragraphs of information, suggestions, and advice, but Tumblr hates me and decided to just crash and not save literally any of it. 🙃 I'm hoping I can give you good information regardless of this setback. Also, please don't feel bad about asking questions; I honestly enjoy it, especially since some information can be hard to come by. All my information is merely advice and suggestions based on my own experience, but I hope it's helpful to you - and maybe even others - regardless.

The first thing I'll do is share some links that could be helpful for you. This one talks a bit about Deity Disconnect™ - something that I feel I can safely say has happened to every pagan and polytheist. Sometimes faith and spirituality come in waves, ebbing in and out as naturally as the ocean, but it doesn't always mean that a deity has left us. If you'd like to try reconnecting with Apollo through bonding activities and the like, this link and that link both lead to posts that mention some ways you can bond with a deity. Although I'm not sure if any of these will be helpful to you, I hope that they are. 🧡

I feel it's also important to mention that many devotees of Apollo find it difficult to connect with him during the winter. For me, I feel the feeling of disconnect begin as early as the middle of Fall and stay as late as the very beginning of Spring. Many attribute this to the myth of Apollo leaving for Hyperborea and leaving his seat in Delphi for Dionysus to temporarily take over. If you've been trying to reconnect during Winter, or even potentially Fall, the disconnect from Apollo may feel even stronger than usual because of this. I would wait to readdress this issue with him until Spring rolls around, personally, just in case this disconnect could be contributing to your problem at all.

Along with all that, I'm inclined to ask whether you've addressed this topic with him directly. Have you been able to communicate with Apollo directly about this and get his thoughts? In my experience, deities will typically let you know if they're stepping away, rather than yoinking away super suddenly and without a given cause (or at the very least, they are more than willing to provide a reason if you ask them); this tends to be especially true when it comes to deities you've been very close with in the past. If you haven't already, I'd highly encourage you to speak with Apollo in a format that allows him to provide a response to your questions, such as divination or meditation.

I do also have to say that sometimes deities leave but return later. It's entirely possible he is simply taking a break or stepping away temporarily. Maybe he feels you need to focus on other deities more at this time or he has simply taught all he can (or all that's relevant) at the moment. He could return full force later on in your life, be it a few days from now or a few years. This is something I'd ask him about specifically in order to clarify his intentions.

Ok, but what if he really is leaving and doing so in a more permanent fashion? Well, in that case, I encourage you to do whatever feels right for you. Take down his altar, or leave it up; it's entirely your choice. Even when deities leave our lives, they never truly leave, and most of the time, if we need a deity's help, we are still welcome to call upon their aid, even if they've "left". It's also possible that he is still ok with you worshipping or venerating him, even if he does choose to step away. There are some deities that I mostly just venerate but don't do much else past that, and that's perfectly ok. Sometimes it just feels nice to acknowledge a deity and show them appreciation, even if you're not particularly close to them. These are all things you need to have a direct conversation with Apollo about, however, as I cannot speak for him or what he is comfortable with.

Although it can feel like a waste of time, energy, and hell even money, please do remember that it is never truly a waste if your relationship to Apollo meant something - and still means something - to you. You put genuine time, love, and care into the altar you created, and regardless of what happens going forward, I'm sure he still appreciates that. It's important to know that when a deity feels the need to step away, it's not because they stop caring for you or the time you've spent together; they simply feel it's in your best interest for them to be more distant for the time being, but regardless, they are still there. They are still present in the world and life around you. Apollo can still be felt in the warmth of the sun on your skin and the rush of excitement you feel when the beat of music reverberates in your chest. He is still near, even if he feels far. He is still there, even if he feels absent. These are not things you're required to focus on or even acknowledge, however, if it makes you uncomfortable or you'd rather terminate your relationship with Apollo. I just figure it may be comforting to hear.

If the following doesn't apply to you at all or you simply disagree with my perspective, please feel free to completely disregard all this; it's heavily based on my own personal experience and beliefs. Do you work with Apollo or worship him? I know it sounds rather silly and somewhat ridiculous to ask, but I have personally noticed a significant change in my deity relationships when I focused more on worship than work. I have noticed that, a lot of times, deity work can end in that deity eventually departing because the things you're working on can eventually be resolved or improved enough that you no longer need them. To me, personally, deity worship often has a more permanent meaning, although that obviously doesn't ring true for everyone. If you were doing deity work with Apollo, it's entirely possible that he feels he's helped you the best he can with whatever you originally reached out about and has decided that you no longer need his assistance or guidance. If that's the case (which it obviously could not be), then you can absolutely ask him if he's comfortable switching your relationship to something that is more long-term worship based rather than short-term "please assist me with this specific thing" based. And since I'm sure someone will mention it, I do want to acknowledge that there is nuance in every type of deity relationship, and you can absolutely have a long-term "deity work" based relationship and a short-term "deity worship" based relationship. There are exceptions to everything, and everything contains nuance and complexity. I don't want to discount either of those things; this is just me sharing something based on my personal understanding, and no one has to take me at face-value.

Anyway, I hope I was able to answer your question and give you some suggestions or advice that helps. Regardless, I hope you're able to figure this situation out and that Apollo can address you more directly about it. I wish you the best on your spiritual journey. Take care, and have a good day/night. 🧡

[sharky857]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

Tagged yet again by @valkeakuulas 👀

Adding a small "brekky", because 20 questions may also mean quite a lengthy post.

1.) How many works do you have on ao3? Current count is 39, but soon they're gonna be 40. 👀

2.) What’s your ao3 word count? Atm it's sitting at 295,861

3.) What fandoms do you write for? Whatever I may be hyperfixating hard enough on in that moment. Right now, the hyperfixation-meter is stuck on Warframe, more precisely on the incoming "Warframe: 1999" update.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos? - Stupid Mistakes (94), Palia fic - Unwanted Visitor (84), Stardew Valley fic - Sour Dreams (47), Palia fic - Idiot Sandwich (37), Palia fic - Born Again (21), Warframe fic

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?! I do! Because it's both a fun and heartwarming :D

6.) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I think the angstiest one in my AO3 so far may be "The Curse Of Knowing".

7.) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? hard to say, because I very much like happy endings, so most of my fics end like that. 🥺

8.) Do you get hate on fics? Hasn't happened yet, and I also make myself sure to enable comment moderation before posting, so any "hater", troll, flamer, whatever would be denied attention on sight.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind? I tried (again) in very recent times and feel like I failed miserably both times. 😅

10.) Do you write cross overs? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I wrote at least one crossover fic for Iron Leaguer/Megaman X eons ago, but that's all I could think of (and the fic is maybeburied somewhere in my Tumblr, not AO3).

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Oh yeah, happened once and (again) eons ago. I remember it was a parody/satire fic towards the so-called OCs of a serial art thief. They just grabbed it, switched some words around, greatly butchered the already half-butchered English, and reposted in their own Tumblr as if it was their own work. 😂

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated? Only when I was moving my baby steps into both writing fics and (re)learning English. I needed someone to translate from Pasta. 😔

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before? Yes! I think it was 2-3 fics in total with @evol-astraea, back when we were severely drowning in Iron Leaguer Hyperfixation Pond™

14.) What’s your all time favourite ship? First give me at least ONE series/game/whatever to pick, bruh! :°D

15.) What’s a WIP you’d like to finish, but doubt you ever will? There's this Transformers G1 fic that I never got around to finish. Started it +10 years ago, LibreOffice's page count for the WIP is currently sitting at 104, and I know I'm not even halfway done with the fic. What caused me to suddenly halt everything and never pick it up again is called "I was so focused on typing I think I had written 10-20 more pages when MS Word decided to suddenly crash on me and I lost everything because I never saved the progres once the whole time". 💀

16.) What are your writing strengths? I honestly have no clue. Maybe the fact that I post only works that I have completed?

17.) What are your writing weaknesses? I need to feel very motivated to start writing, and I need to keep that motivation up from start to finish, otherwise I won't get anything done. I also can't start two different stories simultaneously, otherwise I'll inevitably lose inspo for the one left on standby, making it harder for me to pick it up later on.

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? It's fun! :D But watch out! :°D

19.) First fandom you wrote for? Either "Spirou & Fantasio" or "Transformers G1", both happened on that now cursed site called "DeviantArt".

20.) Favourite fic you’ve ever written? Hard to tell. Probably the very last one uploaded. 🤔

That's all! Tagging: @gaogaigar-the-king + @missanthropicprinciple

[flydotnet]

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where I give myself stupidly niche requests according to this marvelous card… or something. It’s been three years dawg. (Red cross is the completed prompt, character headshots are prompts I’ve already filled).

Besides, if I didn't mess up in the first place, this wouldn't have happened.

This fic is quite a long time in the making. I started working on it last year, before I even had the idea for Rice Vinegar, a previous entry in this bingo card series. I was reading/catching up to the absolute banging series that is Brimstone in my Garden, Roses set on Fire by @inkblackorchid. I was on my yearly YGO kick, this time mostly 5D's-related (it's either 5D's or Arc-V, I've come to notice) and reading Snapping Jaws and Piercing Horns (which you absolutely should read, btw, but I have a sneaking suspicion that, if you're reading this, then you've at least heard of SJPH), when the idea for this fic came to me. I really like the friendship between Aki and Crow that the series sets up during the WRGP arc, because it's got my two favourite 5D's characters involved and also it's got canonical whump material linked to it and I'm a sucker for that stuff. Everything was here for success; I was unemployed at the time so I had a bunch of free time on my hands, the inspiration was crisp and I could fuck around and find out with writing new characters I hadn't before. Issue: I hated what I was actually writing.

Since I was reading InkBlackOrchid's works, I was like "God, I need it to be as good as hers". Problem is, I don't have her writing style at all, all the while I was somehow attempting to pastiche how she writes Aki's POV. The result was a very spiteful narration that doesn't even fit Aki at this point of her character development or even the story I was trying to tell in the first place, and a lot of clumsy descriptions. It was bad, y'all. Now, that was the first draft. I had abandonned it at first, thinking I'd just never do anything with it nor with the idea I had, but I just happened to look at my AO3 subscriptions, remembered the banger 5D's fic series, and finally went on InkBlackOrchid's Tumblr. Reading her Autopsy of Crow series of posts reminded me of my WIP and made me want to finish it so I could throw my two cents in the 5D's fight.

I mention Brimstone in my Garden, Roses set on Fire this much because my love for this series is a genuine explanation for some elements of this fic. I like its version of canon so much I wrote established Faithship into this fic as if they were actually dating by this time of the series, forgetting that actually didn't happen in 5D's proper. Sorry not sorry on that front, btw, I've always shipped them and I don't think I'll stop anytime soon. The very first version of this idea wasn't even going to delve into Aki losing her powers after her crash pre-Team Catastrophe (my very own guilty pleasure of a duel, I actually really like it lol), but since I was so inspired by something that did, I figured I had to tackle the question as well. I hope it doesn't fall flat on its face. Be Careful what you Wish for had me by the gametes.

Wow, I had a lot of things to say for something that's kind of just whump I decided to write on a whim like a year ago, huh. I don't even know if my characters sound right (as in, I think my Aki is OOC, she's too open if that makes sense?), it's my first rodeo and it's scary but hey, getting out of your comfort zone is how you improve, ain't it? I don't know if this story is good, I didn't really rewatch 5D's before writing it, just pantsed it out based on memory and what I rewatched earlier this year (I think it was this year? I remember writing a post for my side Tumblr back then mentioning Max Verstappen out of all people and I wasn't into F1 until late 2023. Anyway).

-------------------------------

Outside the Comfort Zone

Summary: Aki passes by Yusei and Co.'s living quarters to retrieve a copybook. Crow makes it way harder than it has any right to be. (or: a recently-ish powerless Aki finds herself having to care for a very stubborn, unwell Crow, and it goes as well as you'd expect.)

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's (set during the WRGP arc)

Word Count: 4K words

AO3 version available here.

Event run by @badthingshappenbingo

-------------------------------

There’s something off with the garage of Poppo’s Time, today.

Oh, of course, most of it is obvious: the air’s still, there’s a distinct lack of mechanical clicking and Yusei isn’t here. It’s a minutia of various little details that, added together, make the entire place tilt forty-five degrees to the left.

It’s, unfortunately, not just these which make her feel this way. Frankly, if it was, Aki would’ve already gone out the door and back home. She’s just here to recover a copybook and it should’ve only taken her mere minutes to do that; yet there she is, ten minutes after stepping on the other side of the door, still without her biology copybook, still in a home that isn’t hers, and unsure of where to take the situation next.

The reason might just be the odd-looking Crow that’s standing in the way between her copybook and her.

Is she friends with said Crow? Yes? Maybe? “Friends” sounds a bit strong for their relationship, she’d say; there are no strangers to each other, and she likes sharing a room with him enough to consider them on friendly terms, but they don’t share enough emotional intimacy for them to be friends. At least, that’s how she sees it – maybe he sees it another way.

(Or maybe they’re already friends, and she’s just too afraid of rejection to admit it to herself – better be safe than sorry, even around the most transparent person she knows).

Whatever their relationship is, what Aki knows without much doubt is that Crow isn’t looking like himself. His stance is slouched and unsteady, his hand is holding the doorway just a little too tight for comfort and his eyes look mussed. It’s like his gaze, while explicitly trying to focus on her, is instead looking at something right behind her – as if seeing through her, which is a thought Aki truly has no time to unpack.

“Oh, hi Aki,” he tells her with an indignant wave, head bobbing along with the sway of his hand.

“Goo – good afternoon.”

His smile turns into a puzzled expression, which doesn’t help the impression she’s gotten so far. He looks around, his left eye twitching and his brow furrowed, then looks back at her when it seems like he hasn’t found what he wanted.

“You not hangin’ out with Yusei?”

Aki almost freezes.

“What do you mean?” She asks back, a shiver going down her spine.

Crow’s brow furrows even further, finally pointing her in the direction of the dark rings under his eyes.

“What do you mean, what do you mean? You come here to hang with Yusei, right?”

“He’s… He’s not here, Crow,” her voice staggers against her will. “He’s in Peru with Jack. I just came her to get a copybook I forgot here.”

The reminder, as useless as it should’ve been, seems to have confused him even further.

“Why the fuck would they go to Peru?” Crow asks, anger sipping in his tone. “That’s on the other side of the damn planet!”

He then hacks a lung out, prompting Aki to jump out. It’s harsh, not unlike the coughs she’d get when she was ill as a child and it seemed like the world was melting around her, psychic powers mixing in with the fever – the powers who, like so many people before, have abandoned her.

The silence is too heavy. She can’t let herself falter now. She may be in danger – scratch that, she’s fine, Crow is the one who needs help as far as she’s concerned. They’re friends, or as close as it gets, and she needs to step up now that his foster brothers aren’t here.

“They’re there to follow on a lead Bommer gave them.”

Her heart sinks a little further when all she sees is confusion. In fact, anything she says seems to result in confusion.

“How? That guy’s dead, y’know,” he gulps with a wince. “I know. I watched it happen. And, like, the dead don’t send emails.”

It’s an understandably difficult thing to swallow, she’ll give it to him. To this day, and despite her (former) psychic powers and links to the extrasensory through her Signer’s Mark, she still has little idea how Carly or Misty have managed to rise from the dead. It’s beyond either of their comprehension.

What shouldn’t be for Crow, however, is the whole travel thing. He was there when Yusei and Jack announced they were going. He must’ve been there to fret over them and their budget like Jack likes to complain about. So how come he cannot remember any of this? Why is he so—

“What time is it already?” Crow asks out of the blue.

It takes her aback, but she looks over her phone screen anyway.

“It’s fifteen to six in the evening.”

His face gets splattered in surprise.

“Shit! I’ve got a shift to attend to!”

“What shi—”

His hand lets go of the doorway.

“Sorry to leave this quick, Aki, I’m in a hurry—”

He walks past her, but before he can make it past her, he folds in half into another coughing fit. Fearing the worst, Aki runs to catch him with her arms, the click of her heels almost hiding the harsh sound of his cough. Heat sips through his clothes and through her gloves, ringing the final alarm that finally allows her to deduce what it was that bothered her so much about his appearance.

Despite the audible pain in his breath and the grimace on his face when he moves his arms, Crow still tries rising to his feet on his own. He weakly bats her away with his hands, but he has to lean against the nearest wall to stay upright. It’s an unreal sight, knowing how stubborn and enduring he truly is. Where is the man who was driving with an injured shoulder mere weeks ago?

“Is this shift really that urgent?” She makes no attempt at hiding her ever-growing concern. “You don’t seem like in any state to go to work…”

“What day of the week are we on?” is all he says back to her.

“It’s… Wednesday? Why?”

Crow’s face finally lights up.

“Oh! I’ve got some time ahead of me then.” He chuckles, but it dissolves into a cough, and she can’t keep her grimace to herself. “I thought we were Monday, for some reason?”

“You honestly seem very out of it,” she ends up bluntly stating instead of going along. “I really don’t think you should go work today.” Or tomorrow.

“Can’t afford not to,” he croaks back, but it lacks any sort of sting.

What looks to her like a dizzy spell ends up taking his resolution out, his whole body pitching forward. Once more, almost in rhythm, her body moves on its own as a result, her arms catching him in his fall.

Heat lingers on her hands even after she has finished bringing him to his room.

Unlike most of Team 5Ds, Aki has never had to care for someone else. She has none of Yusei’s instinct for help nor Crow’s experience with dealing with children. Usually, when faced with this sort of situations, she’d entrust the person in need of care to someone with a lot more ease in this domain – as it turns out, most of the time, it’s asking Jack’s childhood friends to handle his problems, much to his protests. As such, she’s never had to play nursemaid before, and nobody has trusted her with such a role until Yusei came along, and for once, she hadn’t wanted that to change (except for Yusei, but this is a situation that’s unrelated to her current predicament).

Whatever she’s used to, unfortunately, is now out of the realm of possibility. The two people she could ask about it on any other occasion where the need could rise up are respectively currently in Peru with terrible reception and too busy refusing to stay in bed for much longer than a minute to give her a precious hand.

And, you know, you don’t usually ask someone who’s sick to take care of themselves, let alone help you in the process.

Very much to her misfortune, this is all without taking into account that Crow is as stubborn as a patient as he is in every other thing. It was to be expected, of course, and Crow is nothing if not stubborn; but it hasn’t made anything easier. If anything, she should’ve seen it coming as soon as he was too beyond himself to know where his housemates were and why.

Still, it doesn’t mean she shouldn’t try her best in this situation. What friend would she be if she left a comrade in need on his own, harmful to himself? (And she craves for empathy, a part of her whispers, the part of her who misses her powers for the bond she enjoyed having with Black Rose).

Despite a losing battle against his own voice and the way his limbs tremble whenever he tries holding himself out of bed, Crow is insisting that, no, he’s fine to go work, and she has no reason to worry, because it’s not his first rodeo… or something along those lines. Admittedly, it’s difficult to understand everything when he’s struggling to push the sentence out of his throat to begin with, let alone articulate his thoughts.

All that ends up doing as a result is annoying her, because this is oh so similar to Yusei but in all the wrong ways, but that’s once more beside the point. She isn’t here to lash out her annoyance at Crow being an idiot, she’s here to make sure he doesn’t die an idiot.

“I’m tellin’ you, I’m fine,” he whines, a hand already back at gripping the edge of the blanket.

“Why are you so insistent on pretending you are?”

(She doubts it’s because of a martyr syndrome like Yusei’s).

“I’m not pretendin’ anythin’. I’m actually fine.”

His voice is feeble, his words tremble out of his mouth.

“Crow, I know you’re not. Please stop making this harder than it has to be.”

He deflates with a single, wheezing sigh.

“It’s Satellite nature, I guess,” he shrugs with a slight smile. “Both Yusei and Jack got it too, y’know.”

“Speaking of Yusei, right now you’re just like him in that regard.” She lets herself sigh. “Pretending like you’re fine when all signs point to the contrary.”

“Yeah, it’s… Y’know, when you were sick in Satellite, unless you had someone to shelter you and cover your back, ‘t was like signin’ your death certificate.” He coughs again, and it keeps dragging on, worsening, and it pangs at her heart every single time. “Guess that never went away, even now.”

“Even for something like a work shift?”

“Especially for a work shift. Do y’know how tight our finances are? Jack sure don’t seem to, that asshole!” A barking cough interrupts him. “Fuck this shit, I could be literally anywhere else but here. Plus…” He turns to her, and despite the evident weariness on his face and in his eyes, his gaze is sharp. “You should be doin’ better things with your time than watching over me, though.”

Aki rises an eyebrow.

“Such as?”

He shrugs again as a response.

“I dunno. Studyin’. Playin’ cards. Drivin’ a D-Wheel. Tryin’ to… sort through what mess that must’ve been for you, these past few weeks.”

The last bit hits her a lot harder than the previous ones. Having to replace Crow in haste due to a mysterious crash, the conflicting sentiment of her first race as a member of Team 5Ds, her own crash, and now, having to grapple with the sudden and unexplained disappearance of her powers… It’s been a lot of turmoil. Too much, in fact.

Despite all of the pain, it’s somewhat heartwarming to have someone genuinely worry for her, even if it tugs at an uncomfortable heartstring. It means she has the company she so desperately looked for and thought to have found in Divine, now truthful and actually what she needed. Yet, she feels uneasy when she has to show vulnerability in front of them, afraid of what they could take advantage of, of hidden intentions that may be hiding beneath a smile. Letting go of her masks has been terrifying, even if it’s the right thing to do.

For the longest time, she could protect herself with her powers. They were her curse, they were her blessing. They made her unlike the others but allowed her to connect with Black Rose and all of her deck. She misses them even now as she’s within the warmth of Team 5Ds; who don’t judge her for them like the others. Who care for her, like Yusei has ever since meeting her, like Crow is at the moment. Even in pain, they care.

The least she can do is pay them back now that gets the chance to. Now that her powers have left her more vulnerable than ever and created a void she can’t seem to fill on her own.

“I’ll be fine not brooding about it for a while,” is all she tells him in response.

Because it’s the truth. Sometimes, letting the dark clouds consume you is worse. It’ll always be worse, no matter how easy it looks.

“You sure? Because watching over an ill guy gets boring real fast.” He gives her a small smile. “I’d know, I’m usually the one doing the watching.”

She replies with a smile of her own.

“A bit of calm would do the both of us some good, I believe, after all that happened.”

He closes his eyes with a deep sigh.

“Can’t go against that, I guess.”

“Take some rest. I’ll be here by the time you wake up.”

It’s not intended to be a lie to make him feel better about sleeping.

“If you’re lookin’ for it, the medicine is in the cabinet in the bathroom. Pretty sure we got the right stuff at least.”

“I’ll go get it.”

That, and a basin of water, and everything she can remember from hazy memories of childhood illnesses.

Yusei once told her to write down thoughts that were confusing to her, as a way to at least alleviate the black clouds in her mind. He helped her pick a cute-looking notebook for it too, just the size of her uniform pockets, red with an embroidered rose on top of it. It seemed too fitting not to pick it, and Yusei seemed even happier about it than she was. She isn’t sure if what she’s writing in it right now makes sense, but it feels nice to have a place where to dump all of the thoughts that’d usually fester and poison her mind nonetheless.

The loss of her powers continues to leave her at a loss. The best way she can describe the feeling is a bittersweet void it’s left behind: she’s finally normal, like she wished for so long when pretending to be a witch, yet now that she is, it’s like this life wasn’t for her. She misses the bond she had with her Monsters, now that she can’t caress Black Rose Dragon like she could for so long. It makes her feel lonelier in a way that’s wrong to her. It’s like she never knew what she actually wanted out of life, out of the world.

Writing down this loss, this void and this coldness is what’s helping her process some of it. It onsets the way the melancholy would’ve taken ahead of her before she met Yusei and the others. It allows her some lookback and to keep her head out of the water until she can find a solution or get used to a new situation. It feels… soothing, at times, despite it just being scribbles on paper.

A hand strangles her arm, her hands lets go of her pen, her notebook falls to the ground.

“What—”

“Who the hell are you?!”

Shaken, she stares back at her assailant – a frazzled-looking Crow, his eyes glazed over and his pupils dilated. His breathing is erratic, coming out in little wheezes, his teeth gritting.

“I…”

Aki has no idea what to do. A stranger attacking her is no surprise, but a friend? Clearly, something is very wrong with Crow, and she has trouble connecting the dots as to why he’s in such a state. Did she not look after him hard enough? Is she just as neglectful as she was when she was isolated and lost, manipulated, used as a weapon? Is this retribution for that, to be forgotten by those she cherishes?

He lets go of her arm, seemingly against his will – it seems like he doesn’t have enough strength left to actually fight her. She can hardly breathe normally, every gasp of air coming quicker than the last, but she has to compose herself back anyway. She’s the one who’s supposed to fix things here, and now, she doesn’t want to destroy anyone further. Perhaps she can still find redemption.

“What’re you doin’ here?!”

Crow’s voice is unsteady, made all the worse by the cough that’s dried it into being hoarse, and his words slur together, making him very difficult to understand. Aki wishes she knew what do say back, but…

“I’m – I’m looking after you,” she explains back, because calming him down seems like a good idea.

He cocks an eyebrow at her, doubt just barely readable in his half-closed eyes.

“Who’re you?”

“I’m Aki. I’m Yusei’s girl… I’m his friend. I’m your friend.”

His hands grab at her shoulders.

“What’s tellin’ me you are, huh?!”

She looks around the room, trying to ignore how uncomfortable the pressure from his knuckles on his shoulders are, and the heat sipping from them almost right into her skin, before finding a sign of reassurance.

“See this basin of water?” She points it with her finger, he follows it to the bottom of the chair where she sits. “It’s mine. I was trying to keep your fever in check.” That sounded like a good idea, at the time. “I’m admittedly… not great at it, unlike you are, but I’m trying.”

His gaze slightly clears up – and then his eyes flutter close and don’t open up, leaving him in her arms once more.

It’s sort of a wake-up call for Aki, as she puts him back to bed. She should’ve kept a keener eye, but instead got lost in thoughts. She was so sure she had done all of the right things already, yet there she is, only realizing after the fact she wasn’t careful by being attacked by a delirious guy who mistook her for the enemy. Talk about failing at the mission you assigned yourself.

She takes off her gloves and puts a hand on his forehead – his fever has gone back up when she wasn’t looking. It makes sense, miserably so. But this is no time to mop for herself, she must be more like Yusei. She must help out her friend even if she has her own issues. She can’t do anything about her powers, but she can do something so Crow doesn’t have to see things that aren’t there.

So she picks up the washcloth that fell onto his lap and twists it cold again, determined to correct her mistakes.

Aki is staring at Crow when he finally opens his eyes again. They’re clear, able to follow the way her hair sways when she backs up from the bed and back into the chair. Her back is trying to make her pay for the unnatural positions she made it endure, but it’ll have to bear through it for a bit. She’s not letting him down now.

“Hey,” he tells her, stifling a cough.

“Glad to see you awake again,” she confesses. “How are you?”

“Erh… Sore. Sick. You know the deal.” He sits up with the help of the headboard of the bed. “How long was I asleep for?”

“I’d say… an hour or so.”

“And you’re still here?” He chuckles, even if it dissolves yet again into a coughing fit. “Gah, forgot how much that sucked.”

“I… I didn’t want to leave you alone like this.”

“Don’t worry, I went through worse. I’m a big bird, I can deal with it on my own.”

The way she’s staring back at him must’ve looked suspicious, because he looks concerned, now, and it’s like cold water seeping through her socks.

“Hey… Did something happen?”

“No, nothing. It’s… it’s not important.”

“Tch, you’re like Yusei. ‘Not important’ my ass.”

“I don’t think I should tell you about it.”

“You’re not makin’ your case any easier. Shoot ahead anyway.”

Aki looks at her hands on her lap, her knuckles almost white. Her skin looks slightly red, especially without her gloves.

“You weren’t yourself earlier,” she manages to get out, “and you thought I was some sort of enemy.”

She can’t bring herself to look up and see what his reaction to that is. Her head’s weighing heavily on her neck.

“Shit, did… I did something to you, right?”

“You… You tried to attack me, yes,” and she realizes how bad that sounds, “but it’s nothing. You weren’t yourself and it wasn’t a big deal. I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound like you are, though… Shit, I’m so sorry, Aki…”

She rises a careful eye, only to see pain distort Crow’s pallid face.

“It shouldn’t have happened,” she replies. “I should’ve done a better job.”

“Hey. Look at me, Aki.”

Hesitantly, she does – and finds no anger, no disappointment in Crow’s eyes, only compassion.

“You didn’t have to put up with my shit, and I was trying to push you away, but you did it anyway. Attacking you was wrong no matter what. You’ve got a lot to deal with at the moment and none of this is me. Don’t beat yourself up for not handlin’ everythin’ perfectly.” He smiles. “So, thanks, Aki. Don’t worry about good ol’ me, I’ll handle myself from now on.”

Silence follows.

“Though I get why you’d doubt that. We don’t really have a good track record when it comes to that stuff, do we.”

“Not really, no,” she manages to chuckle. “But friends need to trust each other.”

“You catch on quick!” He coughs into his elbow. “I’m sure it’s starting to get late, your parents may be worried. You should head home.”

“Can I… Can I stay here for a little longer? At least until Bruno comes back from whatever errand he may be running. I’d… feel better if I knew someone could watch you over.” Like she’d like it if she was as vulnerable as Crow is right now. “It keeps me occupied too.”

He gives her a sympathetic look from which she wants to recoil, but stops herself from doing.

“Make yourself a home, then. Yusei’s bedroom should be available.”

He winks, right in time for her face to warm up.

“Thank you, Crow.”

“If you need an ear to talk to and I ain’t sleepin’, don’t hesitate, okay? I promise I won’t bite your head off this time.”

“I’ll keep it in mind, thanks.”

She doubts she’ll bother him with this when all she’s tried to make him do today was resting, but she very much appreciates the reminder. It’s always nice to know she’s not only accepted, but also cared for by people whose honest intentions she can be sure of.

It’s making her feel welcome, and just for that, she’s more thankful – her and her missing powers, her and her conflicting feelings it, her and her past that she’s just now feeling comfortable with disclosing anything about. Her and the ghost that may continue pursuing her in the future, but which are leaving her mostly unscathed for now.

Perhaps that’s what home is – and it may just take the shape of a friend’s bedroom, or of a garage.

[skyfallscotland]

Hiiii, i'm new to your tumblr and ff! SO i have a question that you've probably already answered: I guess Remi is a "fix-it" situation with Violet? What was your problem with Vi in FW/ IF that made you want to change her?

Hi! Welcome! 👋🏼

I actually don’t know if I have before, maybe everyone just assumes haha but you’re right it was.

I feel like the beginning of F&F gives the impression I don’t like Violet. In some ways because we know Remi it feels like a pile on, on the poor girl, but I actually do like her. I just feel like it’s an accurate representation of how a young girl would have responded to Remi’s implied behaviour for years while she struggled with her mental health.

My main issue with FW in general is an unpopular one, I usually avoid speaking about it because people abuse me, but as someone with multiple chronic illnesses I felt unrepresented through her lens and because social media hyped me up and I went in hoping for the best disability rep ever, I left a little disappointed that I didn’t get that, so I decided to write something for people like me.

We are all different and have different experiences, that’s why fanfic is so great because we can live the original text in different ways.

I could never have done the things Violet does and I think the “push through” and you’ll succeed narrative is quite dangerous. For people with ME at least, it’s proven to make things worse and it also doubles down on a bad stereotype. My experience IRL is people always assuming I’m just not trying and that I could overcome my illnesses so I have personal medical trauma related to that. Media like this can sometimes perpetuate that myth, so that’s something I struggle with personally.

Vi sort of has symptoms that make it convenient for her to push through with something to “overcome” and not others that would stop her in her tracks. That IS some people’s experience of disability and I’m so happy for them that they were represented.

But Violet never crashes, never has a day where her limbs shake and she can’t move, never has a day where she passes out or her body throws up everything she tries to eat and she never feels incredibly down about herself and her condition, which is wild to me.

A lot of people will say like “she has no choice, she’d die otherwise, she just has to get on with it and she does” which is a lovely sentiment but I don’t get to decide whether my heart will pump blood to my brain or not, sometimes it just doesn’t and I’m out 🙃 (side note: there was definitely implied POTS at the start, where did it go? Did she find a treatment because I want it, please! 😂)

I feel like I have to make it really clear (to everyone reading this, not you in particular) that I think RY wrote a fantastic novel and I love it. I usually get attacked for saying anything along these lines so to be super plain, I get that it represented one person’s experience and not everyone’s because that’s impossible to do, and if it represented you I LOVE that for you, I thoroughly enjoyed the book, but I needed to write something more on the level with my experience for myself and I just hoped it resonated with some people (and obviously it did). I wasn’t even going to post it at first.

Being chronically ill is hard. FW & IF brought me so much joy and I love that we got some disability rep, I just wish it went a step further, so I did it myself. 🖤

[violethowler]

Inverted Mirror: A Discussion of Shiro & Sendak’s S7 Fight Scene

Back before Season 8 came out, I wrote at least one meta on my @fandomoverflow sideblog about the fight between Shiro and Sendak in response to seeing the constant hate being directed at the writers because people saw Keith being the one to kill Sendak as undermining Shiro’s recovery from the trauma of his time in the Empire’s prisons.

The original post has since been deleted and only exists as reblogs, because this was back before tumblr’s porn ban opened my eyes to the importance of archiving and preserving fandom activity. But after I decided to put together a masterpost of all the meta I’ve written, I figured that I would try to write my thoughts out again to reflect on my understanding of that scene years later and see how my thoughts now compare to my thoughts then. 

And one thing that I still feel very strongly about even after all this time is that complaints about Shiro not getting to be the one to kill Sendak overlook the symmetry their fight in Season 7 has with their previous duel back in Season 1, and the significance of what that all represents in terms of Shiro’s character arc and the show’s themes. 

In their first fight back in Season 1, Shiro and Sendak are evenly matched. It ends in a stalemate with neither able to back down without the other killing them, but also unable to strike without being killed themselves. Sendak’s victory in that fight only comes from Haxus intervening and taking Lance hostage, distracting Shiro long enough for Sendak to knock him unconscious. 

In their season 7 fight, Shiro and Sendak are still evenly matched, and Sendak only gets the upper hand when his ship crashes on Earth’s surface. But Keith’s arrival in the Black Lion turns the tide and ends Sendak before he can kill Shiro. 

The common pattern here is that both times they fight, Shiro and Sendak are evenly matched. The only time one is able to get the upper hand over the other is when outside circumstances interfere, whether it be the environment they’re fighting in, or the presence of their allies. 

And it’s specifically the question of whose allies are present that determines the outcome of each of their battles. Shiro faced Sendak alone without backup in Season 1 and lost because Sendak brought reinforcements. In Season 7, Shiro has the rest of his team ready to swoop in and help, while Sendak is the one fighting alone. 

It’s a demonstration of the show’s emphasis on teamwork and working together that has been hammered in from the very first episode of the series. When Shiro and Sendak fight, the one that fights alone is the one that loses, while the one who fights with the support of others is victorious. 

And it also serves as an encapsulation of Shiro’s character arc that I observed in one of my previous meta a few months after Season 8: that Shiro started the series trying to deal with his problems alone without relying on anyone, and that he had to learn to admit his vulnerabilities and accept help from others. The point of his arc, like I said in that earlier essay, was a rejection of the mentality that someone is weak for needing help to deal with their problems, both physical and mental. 

So having Keith be the one to kill Sendak when Shiro is cornered after the ship crashes serves as a visual embodiment of that message: that Shiro doesn’t have to face his demons alone.

Which is further supported by the fact that the series has already established a consistent track record of Keith saving Shiro. 

First in Season 2 when he flew the Black Lion for the first time to rescue Shiro from the angry wildlife of the planet they crash landed on. 

Then again in Season 3 when he rescued Clone Shiro as he was about to die from lack of oxygen and supplies in his stolen Galra fighter. 

And finally in Season 6 when he refuses to let clone!Shiro fall even to save himself. 

Even outside of life-threatening situations, Keith has always been willing to jump in when Shiro needs help: 

During the paladins’ very first training exercise in S1E02 “Some Assembly Required”, Shiro freezes up at the sight of the Altean gladiator charging towards him and Keith doesn’t hesitate to throw himself in front of Shiro and block the gladiator’s blow. 

So Keith killing Sendak rather than Shiro doing it is the culmination of this pattern the series has been building up from the very first season (barring any moments in Season 8 that were cut due to WEP’s meddling of the final season).

Part of the reason I think people reacted so negatively back in 2018 to Keith dealing the final blow to Sendak instead of Shiro is that they were expecting the story to resolve Shiro’s trauma with a big, cathartic confrontation with the major figures of the Galra Empire responsible for his pain. Something like Zuko facing his father during the Day of Black Sun in Avatar.

But even if that was the kind of story the writers had been planning on for Shiro and his PTSD, Sendak would not have been the Ozai in this analogy. 

Back when Season 7 first came out, I saw a lot of fans at the time acting like Sendak was a major source of pain and trauma for Shiro because of the scene where Shiro has a panic attack while Sendak’s memories are being downloaded in Crystal Venom. 

But when you look at the details that the show gives us about Shiro’s experiences as a prisoner of the Galra Empire, Sendak actually has very little to do with the trauma associated with Shiro’s time in the arena. 

Sendak was never once shown or mentioned as being part of any of Shiro’s memories of his time in the arena, and when they meet face to face in “Fall of the Castle of Lions”, their reactions are distant and impersonal.

There’s no recognition of each other as anything other than a Paladin of Voltron and a General of the Galra Empire. 

And before the fight even begins, Shiro takes a defensive position, waiting for Sendak to make the first move. 

When Shiro is captured, Sendak does mention being impressed that Shiro managed to escape and wanting to see if the rest of humanity had his spirit, but this only really indicates that Sendak was aware of Shiro’s performance in the arena.

It doesn’t confirm any deeper knowledge of what happened to Shiro beyond what we already learned. Especially because his reaction to Shiro’s prosthetic arm during their fight shows that he didn’t know about it. Which indicates that Sendak was not directly involved in what Shiro endured. 

And the scene where Shiro hears Sendak’s in the memory chamber during “Crystal Venom” is directly indicated to have been Alfor’s corrupted AI giving voice to Shiro’s private fears and insecurities, as Lance’s experience with the airlock earlier in the episode established that the corrupted AI could mimic the voices of other people such as Coran.

So while Sendak may have been the instrument the castle used to trigger a panic attack, the details of Shiro’s backstory don’t support him playing any significant role in the horrors Shiro endured beyond that of a spectator in the arena.

This contrasts with his reaction to seeing one of the people directly involved in his torture and modifications when Haggar confronts him aboard Zarkon’s command ship in S1E11 “The Black Paladin.” His immediate reaction to seeing her is to angrily growl out “you”, demonstrating that he knows exactly who she is. And then almost immediately he goes on the offensive. 

Haggar was directly responsible for everything that happened to him and has a deep knowledge of things even he didn’t know, based on the fact that she announces her presence by referring to him by the name his fellow prisoners gave him. Unlike with Sendak, Haggar is personally invested in fighting Shiro and tormenting him for his lack of gratitude to her for “making him strong.”

So just in terms of the volume of information we have about each character’s relationship to Shiro, the character built up as the biggest source of trauma for Shiro in regards to his time in captivity was not Sendak, but Haggar.

If the narrative had been meant to build up to Shiro personally winning a battle against a major source of his trauma (and I won’t rule out the possibility that this might have been one more thing carved out of the final season by Bob Koplar’s meddling) like how Zuko fully broke free of his father’s influence by confronting Ozai during the eclipse, the Ozai in that scenario would be Honerva, not Sendak.

Especially because Honerva was the one directly controlling his clone self in the second half of Season 6 and forced him to turn against his team.

If Sendak was meant to correspond to any character in this ATLA metaphor, it would be Admiral Zhao.

Who, if you recall, was also finished off by outside interference during his rematch with Zuko during “The Siege of the North Part 2” when the Ocean Spirit dragged him into the Spirit World. And I don’t hear people arguing that Zuko was robbed of closure because he didn’t get to beat Zhao again.

But even outside of that comparison, Sendak actually does fit as the Zhao of Voltron in terms of their roles in their respective narratives. 

Zuko and Iroh are our first Fire Nation antagonists, but we quickly learn that they are banished and are not representative of the Fire Nation military capabilities. Zhao, on the other hand, is Team Avatar’s first look at an actual military leader of the Fire Nation who directly opposes them.. 

Similarly, while we get brief glimpses of Zarkon throughout the pilot, Sendak is the first actual military leader of the Galra Empire who comes into direct, face-to-face conflict with our main characters. And by the time the Paladins return to Earth in Season 7, he and his Fire of Purification are all that’s left of it.

Galra civilization as seen in Season 8 was reduced to scattered colonies living on isolated planets, trying to stay alive while salvaging what they could from the remnants of the empire’s infrastructure. With the throne empty after Lotor was left in the Quintessence Field and Honerva killing pretty much all the potential claimants at the Kral Zera during the timeskip, the Galra Empire ceased to exist as a political and military entity by the time the Paladins returned to Earth in Season 7.

The only people left who were shown to still be loyal to Zarkon’s ideology that the empire stood for are Sendak and his Fire of Purification.

So by killing Sendak to help Shiro, Keith symbolically fulfills his own words from when he tried to kill Zarkon back in “The Black Paladin”:

“This is my chance to put an end to the Galra Empire. I have to take it” 

But as I said, a big Zuko vs Ozai moment does not appear to have been the approach that the Voltron writers were taking with Shiro’s PTSD. 

His arc, like I said back in 2019, was about learning to rely on his team and accept that needing help from others did not make him weak. 

So contrary to what people were saying back when Season 7 dropped, Keith saving him from Sendak did not undermine his arc, but was (at least part of) its culmination. 

TL;DR: 

I don’t if this attitude is still common this attitude in 2022, but a lot of people post-Season 7 were insisting that Shiro should have been the one to kill Sendak, and years later that take still annoys me because it misses the point of Shiro’s character arc, exaggerates Sendak’s importance to said arc, and dismisses the multiple layers of symbolism and meaning in having Keith deal the final blow. 

[90stvqueen]

What do you think lesbians are attracted to in women that we can’t be attracted to in men?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives woman-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait women have that men can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

Oughhhh I wrote up a whole answer to this ask, and then tumblr editor crashed and didn't back it up. RIP me. Take two.

I'm answering this ask in good faith, but there are assumptions here that I need to poke at, so let's dive in.

What do you think lesbians are attracted to in women that we can’t be attracted to in men?

Already this presupposes an agreed-upon definition of the word "lesbian." If you look it up, you'll find definitions like "a woman whose sexual orientation is to women," or "a female homosexual." Even these two definitions require a closer examination - some people have different definitions for "woman" and "female" depending on their lived experience and political agenda.

Besides, I know lesbians who don't experience sexual attraction; both these definitions leave them out. I know lesbians who don't identify as women - I'm one of them! There's too much nuance for a straightforward (or gayforward! ha!) answer.

homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

When I was growing up/coming out, there were two schools of thought about why people are gay/trans:

One idea is that people choose to be gay, or become gay at some point in their lives (through trauma, conditioning, listening to Lady Gaga, etc). This idea was and is supported by the kinds of people who believe in conversion therapy.

The other idea is that you were born that way; people don't choose to be gay or trans, it's innate. This theory was more popular among the LGBTQ+ community and its allies (thanks, Lady Gaga!), and it was substantiated by the existence of homosexual animals.

It's standard nature vs. nurture, and it's a false dichotomy.

As I typed "homosexual animals," I thought, really, what I mean to say is animals that exhibit behaviors that deviate from heterosexual expectations. What's the difference? Well, as you said, animals can't articulate their identities to us. When we ascribe a label like homo/hetero/bi/pansexual to them, we create blinders for ourselves. If an animal exhibits behaviors that defy that categorization, what then? Sure, the animal doesn't care - it's just living its life. And don't we need categorization so that we have some parameters to study them?

All right, so what does that have to do with people?

Actually, quite a bit, I think. Because like you said, animals can't state their identities to us. The only way we can learn about them is through their behavior. People can state their identities, yes, but ultimately: actions speak louder than words.

What do I mean? Well, first of all, stating your identity is an action that reinforces that identity as truth. If you say you're a lesbian, but you date men, what's the truth, and who has the right to decide?

There are many people who choose to believe that the truth is simple: a lesbian is a "female homosexual," i.e. a cis woman who is exclusively attracted to other cis women (and trans men, who they see as confused cis women). We could talk about whether such distinct categorical attraction exists or if it's just bigotry in action, but it wouldn't be worth the time or energy. These people believe that words and identities are fixed things that can be decided and enforced collectively. This kind of thinking works for a lot of people, especially people who seek a higher authority in the form of "community." It also hurts a lot of other people. But I digress.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait women have that men can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

I'm doing my best not to give you a nonanswer, because the question is an interesting one - so interesting that there are decades and decades of academic and community-wide discussions about the very questions you're posing. Unfortunately, you've put me in a catch-22, because I can't explain. There are ideas and experiences that we can approximate with language, but there are some things that defy explanation.

So I'll explain, to the best of my abilities, what I mean when I say that actions speak louder than words and that being a lesbian is not intrinsically who you are, but what you do.

Way, way back in the day, before we had words like "bisexual" or "genderqueer," there was an underground lesbian community that consisted of gay and bisexual women as well as trans folks (mostly transmascs, some of whom might have called themselves a man and a lesbian in the same breath). If you were bisexual and you left the community, you were no longer a lesbian - you were "going straight." The same was true of people who decided to perform their gender as written, i.e. butches who assimilated to feminine standards and married men for their own safety.

Back then, you were a lesbian if you were part of the lesbian community. If you were performing the action of being a lesbian.

Since then, there's been a movement away from this kind of fluidity and accessibility (and inaccessibility! not everyone who wanted to be a lesbian had access!) of labels; for example, you'll hear people complaining that a "bi lesbian" isn't a thing. But some of the same people who are making that complaint are people who love the concept of "political lesbianism," a radical feminist idea from the 60s that said, hey, if you want to be a lesbian, all you have to do is leave your man and date women instead - regardless of whether or not you're attracted to women. It's the feminist thing to do! This gave birth to lesbian separatism, which brings us back to contemporary radical feminists trying to define any deviance out of the words "lesbian" and "woman."

This separatism hurts us in the end. I'm not interested in engaging with the hypotheticals and strawman arguments that TERFs often use to silence those of us who deviate from their definitions. They won't listen, and we won't agree. So, ignoring them:

I'm not a woman, but I'm a lesbian. I've dated cis and trans women in the past. What's more, I've experienced and acted on attraction to cis women, trans women, trans men, nonbinary people, and occasionally cis gay men. Uh-oh! Should I have my lesbian card revoked?

Some might say yes, that means you're not actually a lesbian. And to them I say: maybe not on your terms. But I'm living my life on my terms.

And the only way these people can keep me from living on my terms is to restrict my rights, suppress my voice, and if all else fails, kill me.

Which is what's happening to a lot of people like me and my partners right now.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

I think everything is a cultural performance. I think some of us were born with it, some of us discover it over time, and some of us hide it. It's an identity. It's a lifestyle. It's an action. It's a reaction. It's innate. It's a choice.

Until we figure out a way to quantify attraction, we'll continue to attempt to categorize it. I don't know why I'm not attracted to most men. I don't know why I feel femme in a butch's arms and butch in a femme's. I don't know. I can't explain. It may be a nonanswer, but I hope I've given you things to think about, anyway.

[miscellaneous2848]

y'know despite having lobcorp brainrot for the longest (read: like 1 month lol) time, i haven't. haven't played the game.

this changes TODAY

(actually this changed yesterday, and actually it changed more like 3 days ago i just realized that hey, maybe I could post this on my tumblr? maybe that would be something.)

as it stands right now, I am currently on day 11! I've finished with Malkuth and Yesod and am now working on Netzach's department, and it is ABSOLUTELY beating my ass right now. Maybe it's partly because I'm resetting every single time one of my blorbos dies (every nugget is my blorbo) but ALSO because of the Scarecrow that I unlocked at the end of day 10.

Let me tell you how much I hate this Scarecrow.

Attempt 1: Work on the Scarecrow with my highest leveled employee. I get a bad work result. It breaches. It kills someone. Reset.

Attempt 2: Work on the Scarecrow with my highest leveled employee, again, because I thought that it was the bad work result that caused it to breach. Get a neutral (not bad!) work result... and it still breaches. I unlock the managerial guideline. "When an employee with Prudence Level 3 or higher finished their work, the Qliphoth counter lowered." Oh.

Attempt 3: Work on the Scarecrow with an employee with a Prudence level of 2. Employee goes insane and- okay, I have to admit I was a bit incompetent with this part. I didn't realize that only white or black damage weapons could bring an employee back to sanity, so I sent someone who dealt red damage to suppress them, and they, understandably, died. Reset.

Attempt 4: Establish a plan.

Ignore the fact that I switched the words "level" and "damage" around. I decided to stick with this plan for the day and... it went swell, actually! Scarecrow didn't breach, I got to observation level 4 with the scarecrow, and my employee didn't go insane this time! I think i just got unlucky there. At this point, i was pretty confident in my low prudence employee, with a work success chance of +8%, so I sent my high leveled employee to go work somewhere else.

Until the Crimson Dawn.

I've never dealt with a crimson dawn before, only amber, green, and violet variants, so this was new to me! A couple of the clowns spawned in the Scarecrow's hallway, and my low-prudence employee just began working when the alarm sounded, so I just decided to send someone all the way from information to deal with it.

I didn't realize that Crimson Dawns could cause abnormalities to breach.

Scarecrow breaches, my low-prudence employee, who already had a chunk of their sanity gone after working with Scarecrow, goes insane and also dies, and I reset.

Attempt 5: Actually this one has nothing to do with Scarecrow at all. Scarecrow was fine during this attempt. Scorched Girl just blew someone up because I wasn't paying attention.

Attempt 6: Everything was great. Scarecrow was back at observation level 4, I had just gotten through the Green Dawn, and --

Huh, Violet Noon is next. This is my first day with noon ordeals, so I should probably figure out what it does. The instant the noon starts, pillars crash down onto my employees, killing 2 of them and leaving one at the brink of death.

I mean, employee death already guarantees a reset for me, but just out of curiosity's sake, I wanted to see if the situation was salvageable. I even wrote managerial guidelines for them!! (Of dubious quality, because I was only going off of what I could see)

wait, what's that?

The Scarecrow Breaches.

At that point, I sort of just concluded that the situation was not, in fact, salvageable, and reset the day.

And that's where I'm at right now! Isn't this such a fun game. I'm having so much fun right now.

[imisssparkling1989]

Taylor Swift - The Era's Tour - Tampa Day 2

Picture it- cotton candy colored sunset skies, with 60,000+ best friends singing the bridge to cruel summer together. What a night to remember! My mom, aka my best friend since 1989, was my plus one and we had such a great time and made so many memories. We've had a few really hard years, between losing her sister (my aunt) and my grandparents it's just been so empty in our lives. My mom was the oldest of four siblings and grew up fast. She's worked all her life, and raised my brother and I all on her own. My brother and I spent most of our childhood being raised by my aunt and grandparent's while my mom was working long hours. My grandparents went through various types of cancers and ultimately passed from cancer. My aunts passing was unexpected due to a surgery complication. At times, it feels like my mom, brother and I had to grow up so quickly. During the start of the pandemic in 2020, my grandmother decided to stop Chemo and asked us to let her pass at home peacefully with us by her side. At this point, I had already lost my aunt and grandfather and was really struggling in all aspects of my life. I was stuck in a lifeless corporate America job for 10 years and felt like I had no time to enjoy the "now" or the people I love. My grandmother's last words to me were "I wish I could have seen you find your person. I wish I could have seen you get married." I never felt she had an old school mentality and just wanted me to get married. In fact, she was the complete opposite. She didn't want me to be stuck working for "The Man" and that I was deserving of love and a life worth living. Shortly after my grandmother passed away, @taylorswift released her #Folklore and #Evermore albums. My mom surprised me with the vinyl for Folklore and I was so so excited to listen to it. I setup my room for a total folklore vibe, two pups in hand, and as always my iced oat milk latte in a candle lit room. Dropped the needle onto the vinyl and for the very first time in forever I felt human again. @taylorswift #Folklore album gave me the space to dream, feel, and gave me hope. I don't know how else to describe what I felt that night into words. I guess, the only way I can describe what it felt like was when you're in the ocean... it's not night time but it's kind of dark out... and a wave crashes on you... and you're under the water nervous but you finally reach the surface and gasp for air and realize it's okay, it's not that bad, you're going to be okay...and you swim back to the shore and just sit on the beach looking back at the monster that almost got you, but didn't. You're okay now. You're going to make it. That's what listening to @taylorswift #Folklore album felt like. Soon after, #Evermore was released and it honestly just sent me to the edge listening to #Marjorie lol. I was so thankful @taylorswift wrote that song and was vulnerable enough as an artist and as a person to share a song that was written for her grandmother. I've noticed grief is really hard to talk about. People have opinions on how you should grieve. It's such a personal journey... and I have honestly been struggling with my grief since June 1, 2020 after losing my grandmother. So fast forward to two weeks ago, after already experiencing #TheErasTour with my mom in April, I decided to quit my corporate America job (after 10 years!). I have no job lined up, but something changed me that night at the concert. Taylor's music, her fans, her writing/lyrics, her view on making the world better, giving back to so many, and all her positive energy she injects into this world gave me so much hope that night. I want a better life. I need a better life. And really.... this is a long winded open thank you letter to @taylorswift @taylornation . As a fellow 1989 baby, thank you for giving me a reason to create a new tumblr (it's been a minute lol) and pour my feelings and heart out to strangers again... it's been a long time coming...

[hughungrybear]

*slight spoiler

Watching Payurain made me uncomfortable to be quite honest, and so did Prapaisky at the very beginning, but they get better. It’s not as explicit but Prapai has some nice character development, especially with regards to consent. He gets big on not doing things without Sky’s consent, which I appreciated after Payurain.

The truth is, I only decide to watch LITA because a mutual recommended it. I already have reservations because Mame wrote this one and I still have wild flashbacks from TharnType and LBC 😅 Also, the way the fandom here in Tumblr has made it seem like Prapai and Sky were the main couple made the PayuRain ship a nasty surprise for me 🙃 I mean, obviously, it is entirely my fault for assuming and not doing my research before plunging in. But then again, the way they build this series up got my expectations up - only for it to speedily crash down 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Now, I'm taking all recommendations from that mutual with a grain of salt. 😅😅😅😅

[norremire]

So, you wanted to hear about my ideas on Bravern, so here they are. Beware, it's gonna be fairly long.

I have at least 3 different characterizations of him floating around in my mind, which are:

Smith has Dissociative Identity Disorder and Bravern HATES sharing a body with him (my ao3, Leyenar_The_Avenger, has two one-shots that deal with this as the premise, and the aftermath)

assuming that you hate spoilers, the full set-up for the second characterization will be featured by a rewrite of the show by yours truly and justmenoworries on this very site

The third characterization I already mentioned in my previous ask to you, and it's partially based on your fic Mortars (except that SegIra, in keeping with your later characterizations of them, are just as crazy for each other as Pessitas are). Cunus getting pregnant with Cupiridas's child was a mistake, but she decides to carry to term anyway and just dumped her newborn son on who-knows-where once she gave birth, without even giving him a name. Initially, he looked like an amalgamation of his parents like you described before, but after crash-landing on Earth and meeting kid!Isami (who mistook him for a fairy) and falling in love w/ him and watching a lot of super robot anime, he got inspired and decided that he'll be the hero that brings down Verum Vita's empire, so he shed any remainders of Cunus and Cupiridas from his appearance as he grew up and reshaped himself into something more evocative of Earthen anime robot heroes, before applying the finishing touch:giving himself the name Bravern.

Hi! Sorry for the late reply, tumblr is so bad at telling me when I get messages.

That certainly sounds interesting! I'll have to check that out when I got a free moment. For the actual show, I always found the personality shift between them a little jarring, made it feel very put on by Bravern, like it's all an act. I personally feel like the "death" state should have been dragged out a longer amount of time, so clinging to that idea of being a hero could be considered part of a coping method to keep himself sane during his limbo-like state. Separate personalities is certainly an intriguing way to deal with it.

(Ngl posting Mortars and then the very next day finding out behind the scenes info that Seg and Ira actually like each other and live together did some major psychic damage. Like hell yeah, good for you two!! Sorry I wrote you so out of character for this fic 😅) That's a very interesting way of trying to portray the character though! As a huge robot fan myself it was a little disappointing that he turned out to just be some guy (even though I saw the twist coming coz of how heavily telegraphed it was) so it's always fun to see interpretations where Bravern is a robot from the start! Having him be a child of Cunus is a good way to keep his connection to her still there.

Thanks for the ask! ❤️

[uris-stanley]

steddie fic recs pls!

YES YES THANK YOU get ready i have a LOT

chelsea by randomascas is a popular one, but for good reason. ft background ronance, tragic eddie backstory and steve being on the brink of death yet again. canon compliant excluding volume 2 (which i suggest we do <3)

the backseat lovers by froggieyama doesnt have a plot, but god does it describe their love in such a beautiful, lovely way

whole lotta love by @stereobone is such a quintessential steddie fic. steve and eddie are dating. steve does not realise they're dating. i love my bi himbo king. (this one is explicit, but honestly i don't think the sex is all that graphic and it is just one part, so read at your own discretion)

you got me running like a hurricane by @anniebibananie is the ultimate fix it, in which eddie doesn't actually 100% die in the upside down and instead finds his soul tethered to steve. basically. this one's very sweet, whilst also having a tiny bit of angst to make you go "ouch"

keep me in your glow by birthdaycandles ( @steveharrington ) is very nice. eddie helps take care of steve post volume 1, which apparently includes doing steve's skincare because of course it does. they're so cute

we're just kids in the dark by fagurfiskur ( @perlukafarinn ) is the fruity four sleepover fic of my dreams. nancy brings tequila, eddie brings pot, steve gets his hair braided and everyone has a fun gay time. also shotgunning!!

L is for linoleum (and nothing else) by localman ( @locallmann ) is a heavy one, i'll admit, but i cannot recommend it enough. there is an unfortunate lack of trans eddie in fanfics currently, and i feel this one does a really good job of realistically representing both his and the others' struggles as queer teens in the 80s. see individual chapter notes + the fic tags for tws, but i seriously implore you to read this if you're comfortable

sir stephen strider find his suzie by @lesbianrobin is VERY very cute. steve fills in for lucas during hellfire, and dustin witnesses steve and eddie flirting like crazy during the campaign. honestly, this one made me giggle a lot, and i left it feeling all warm and nice. the way the author writes steve and dustin's relationship just DOES IT for me because it feels so natural and so them. also dustin's little spiral about maybe being homophobic has been on my mind since i read this. god i love it.

another one by lesbianrobin - my hands are tied may be my favourite steddie fic to date. there's a Lot of steddie handcuff sex stuff on ao3 and whilst i DO love it unashamedly, this fic is just. so good and so realistic because YEAH duh steve would probably associate bondage with his trauma and have a panic attack why is nobody else thinking of this. i really really Really love this fic (JUST TO CLARIFY THIS IS RATED TEEN!! no sex dw)

you are going to die in your best friend's arms. (but he won't let you leave like that) by oaseas is so so SO SO good. it follows dustin as he becomes unstuck in time on the day that eddie died and tries over and over to save him and break the loop. it has some absolutely wonderful bonding moments between dustin and both steve & eddie, and whilst the steddie is not the Primary focus we do see dustin slowly realise just how deeply the two care about each other as he goes through each loop. i absolutely adored this fic, and genuinely felt emotional at times. highly highly recommend

last but not least, a sign of the morning by @toedenandbackagain . this is a LONG fic (86.8k!!! love), and just such a good slow burn friends to lovers. i love when fics include steddie having history pre vecna, but often find it cheesy or unrealistic. this, however, i felt was completely believable and very well written. i was reading this as each update dropped and let me tell you the way my heart sunk at the end of chapter 11?? i was going absolutely insane i was so upset and so affected, and really i think that's telling of how well written this fic is. cannot recommend it enough

i could probably keep going, but i think 11 recs is good for now lmao. please please check all these out and support the authors!! steddie writers on ao3 are the backbone to society atm they're doing some incredible work

[lemonadecandy]

villain mc, sagau, one-shot

I was recently acquainted by the sagau sub-genre here on Tumblr, and it truly seems quite interesting. I was a bit inspired with the few works I read and here is a short one-shot I wrote.

Premise: Villain MC (I think?), but she is very cruel. She has control over all the elements and can also manipulate the people of the world, among some other pretty OP powers. But there is just one catch, that the flow and the story of the game overrules even her actions. Again this is a mere one-shot recount of one of the very first quests in the game. It centers around our lovely lovestruck NPC Donna. (one of the first NPCs I remember interacting with when I first played the game actually)

»»----------------------------------------------------------------------►

“That was a very wholesome gliding lesson, wasn’t it?”, Y/n sitting on the bench nearby, said to the woman sitting next to her. “Sadly, nice things don’t last very long.” Y/n waited for a reply but didn’t receive any, so she just looked back towards the outrider and the traveler merrily discussing the intricate details involved in gliding.    

“It should be any second now, let’s count it down with your name, shall we?”, still no response from the woman sitting next to Y/n, but she only chuckled at the ignorance. “Fine, fine, I’ll get started already. ‘Five-Donnas… Four-Donnas… ”, Y/n paused as the wind started picking up. “Ooooh, it’s happening!”, she squealed. “Three Donnas! Two Donnas! And…!” 

A sudden roar from a distance alerted all the people of the city, they hurried into their houses as if already aware of the approaching calamity. A storm had already started brewing in the air but Y/n made no effort to move. “One Donna! He’s here!”

Just as Y/n announced his entrance, the dragon appeared. Dvalin was roaring in rage. Most of the people had already taken shelter, but the few who didn’t were now getting sucked into the vortex, shrieking in panic. “Hurry up and go home, Donna! The debris is flying around with massive velocity, you could die if you get hit by any of it.”, Y/n looked back to the young girl sitting next to her. Tears were streaming down her face, but she still didn’t say a single word. “Ah! That’s right, I completely forgot!”, Y/n giggled. “You can’t talk. Hang on, I’ll fix it right away.” She caressed Donna’s face and she immediately started screeching, “Aghhhhh! Ugh! Help! Help!”

Y/n started chuckling again, “You are the feisty kind, huh? Ah, things would have gotten a bit tricky if I had done this earlier, but no one is around now.” A piece of what seemed like the Angel’s Share tavern’s signboard swiftly flew towards the pair, but before it could crash into them Y/n incinerated it with the touch of her finger. “See? This is what I was talking about. Come on get going now!” 

“Help! Help! Let me go!”, Donna kept shouting over Y/n’s words. 

“Hah… Don’t worry, the traveler is fighting right now to save you. He’ll be done soon, and the storm will be gone! But, I wonder if you can last till that happens.” Another chunk flew toward them, only to be incinerated too. “Well, I should be leaving now.”, she said as she got up.

“No! Let me go! I beg you! Let me go!”, Donna screeched after her retreating figure. 

Y/n turned around and smiled, “Alright! I guess it’d be a bit safer that way, no?”

“R-really? You’re letting me go?”, Donna’s face was in an ugly mess of tears. Her hair was completely ruined by the storm.

“Yeah!”, Y/n snapped her fingers in response. But before Donna could let out a sigh of relief from having regained control of her body, she was already swept into the storm, only leaving behind a scream which drowned in the wind as well.

The storm had soon settled down and now, Aether and Paimon were scurrying around to find a permanent fix to the problem. Donna was back at her flower shop going about her daily business as well. She seemed to have completely forgotten about the incidents that had occurred during Dvalin’s attack.

Y/n decided to pay a visit to who had probably become her new ‘most favorite person in the city'. “Donna!”, she called out to her.

Donna immediately flinched in fear as she slowly turned around, memories came crashing back into her mind. She tried to run, but soon noticed her right leg had been roughly stitched together. Blood was still gushing out of it. She trembled in fear as Y/n slowly inched closer towards her. “Hmm, only a leg injury? I thought a storm as intense as that would do more.”

What has happened to my leg? Who are you? Somebody! Please help me! Donna wanted to shout these words out loud, but all that came out was, “Ah… A-All I can think about is D-Diluc.” Even the tears of misery didn’t come out.

Y/n was smirking as she got even closer to Donna. “I have always quite liked you. Cute ones are just my type.”, she clenched the young girl’s face pulling it towards herself to place a kiss on her cheek as she chuckled at the despair in the girl’s eyes.

[m3gumix]

Kuroo hcs ♥

Note : HIIIIIII , this is my first post of one of my writes/imagines- I was actually contemplating if I wanted to post any sort of canon x y/n type of things at all due to how nervous I was- but I've decided to do so anyway. Of course, these may just be a once in a lifetime thing or I may post these more than I will art- Anyhow enjoy this lil thingy

Warnings : none other than Kuroo being a nerdy , teasing bastard. They/them pronouns mentioned for y/n once I believe? Just chaos and fluff - Also this isn't proofread so I apologize for any mistakes

▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄ ♥ If you were the type of person to get embarrassed by what Kuroo considers cute things you do , he's never letting it go- like you may think he forgot right? Absolutely not. He remembers a lot of things you goofy lovable person. ♥ He's just laughing it off whenever you start yelling at him/telling him not to talk about it/or just your reaction in general whenever he brings up the "embarrassing situation". Have something I've actually done as an example : - Say you were listening to the periodic table while doing some studies if you even do them unlike myself , just humming along as you did your own little small dance. - Kuroo being the science geek he is would know this song in an instant- He's instantly teasing you about it. He's never letting it go, seriously . Like it'll be at a random time of the day and he'll just go ; - "Hey so you wanna talk about when you were dancing to the-" - "No, no I don't. LET IT GO ALREADY ABSDHJS" - He'd also try to tell other people about it like- "Oh yeah did I tell you? Y/n did the most hilarious thing yesterday! So they-" and you instantly drag him away or interrupt him by bringing up a new subject. And he's just looking down at you snickering with that smug smile of his- - And omfg this nerd would burst into the room at random times and blast the song on his phone, he's so annoying it makes you wanna scream into the nearest pillow you have. But, you love him nonetheless ♥

▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄ Thank you for reading! I would've wrote more for the people who aren't really embarrassed about things you do but tumblr kept crashing and I had to rewrite this like three times so- NO- , anyhow. I am accepting requests, I accept Jujutsu Kaisen, Haikyuu , Tokyo Revengers , and more!! No NSFW .Though I may be very late to them so I apologize in advance !! Have a lovely day / afternoon / night loves ♥ Also please read the rules here if you're interested in seeing more works!!

[hurting-fictional-people]

Idk how long ago you posted this (Tumblr needs a time stamp smh), but maybe you do remember the Villain - Hero prompt you wrote, where the villain decided to help the hero after he found out that they're repeatedly abused by the superhero?

Yeah, this one right here.

Without exaggeration, this was the best thing I've ever read in my life. Just found it today, and I cannot stop reading it over and over. It's just *chef's kiss*.

If you ever decide to add a part 3, I am SO ready to see it!!

Anon I am so so sorry that I took so long to answer this 🥺 your ask made my day when I first saw it and then again every time I opened my inbox since, and it means the world to me that you liked those so much 💙

I hope that giving you the continuation you asked for makes up for the long wait (and that you're still around to see it!)... and I promise I'm already thinking of a part four to fix the angst at the end hehe

Also, special thanks to @snowflake4275 who sent me the prompt that gave me the push I needed to finish this <3 (tumblr isn’t letting me tag you :c )

Continued from here

-

Hero had said that they'd leave whether Villain let them or not. They wouldn't be held captive, no matter how comfortable the cage may be – even if it is better than their own house. And yet, a week later, all they've done is checking to see if the window is locked as well as the door and pretend they didn't notice it isn’t.

They tell themself it is because their wound is not healed yet. Because Villain is a known criminal, it’d be dangerous to risk their anger when Hero is still hurt.

None of the excuses sound any more believable than the truth.

They don’t want to leave.

Meals are delivered every day, filled with taste and variety, nothing like the tasteless though nutritious food they are used to. No one demands anything from them, they don’t have to train until they are a boneless heap on the floor or prove their strength to earn a place. All Hero does is rest – with Villain by their side. The part of them that was raised and taught by Superhero knows that the price for so much kindness will come at some point. The part that sees the way Villain’s eyes flash with anger every time they catch sight of their scars, knows that might not be entirely true. 

“What about Tangled?”

Hero frowns at Villain, holds in a grin. “Don’t tell me the grand villain who terrorizes the innocent people of my city spends their free time watching animated princess movies?”

“I don’t think that wreaking havoc on companies big enough to buy the whole city counts as terrorizing the innocent, sweetheart,” Villain rolls their eyes before parting their lips and holding a hand over their heart in mock incredulity. “Also, excuse me but Tangled is the best animated princess movie, thank you very much.”

The smile breaks free despite Hero’s best efforts, and they laugh softly.

Sitting in front of the tv in the wide room Villain’s been keeping them in, Hero leans back on the couch and pulls their legs to their chest, relieved that the closing wound barely hurts when they do. Villain, lounging on the seat next to them, places a cushion under their head and presses play.

They can’t remember the last time they spent time just… enjoying themself. It feels nice, peaceful. But mostly, it feels wrong. Like a thorn underneath their skin, always poking at their heart in a constant, albeit dull ache. 

How can they do nothing when there are so many people out there suffering, praying for help that won’t come? How can they call themself a hero if they choose Villain and television over the city they’ve sworn to protect? How disappointed would Superhero be if they saw them now? 

It’s a bittersweet kind of pain. The kind that makes them laugh and have fun when Villain is around, only for reality to come crashing down once they are alone and the beautiful lie they are pretending to live in shows its true face. 

They are everything Superhero always tried to discipline out of them. Selfish. Self-centered. Weak. A traitor. And every minute they spend here, pretending they couldn’t leave if they wanted to, is just proof of how much they deserved all the pain after all.

Carried by the thought of Superhero’s disappointed frown, their mind travels far, to stern gray walls they were taught to call home. To a cold base with an even colder mentor. Trapped half in the past, half in the present, Hero realizes they haven’t been paying attention to the movie. They stare at the singing girl on the screen, heart hammering, hummingbird’s wings hitting their ribcage in a frantic beat as they sit straighter, hoping not to give away their lack of attention.

When Superhero asks what the movie was about, they won’t know what to answer. Hero zoned out, were bad bad bad, a pitiful excuse for a hero who’s a waste of Superhero’s time. They’ll have to be punished for not being alert, they’ll have to learn to treasure their mentor’s time, to take the pain and learn their lesson quietly– 

“Hero?” Villain calls as they sit upright too. Hero turns wide eyes to worried ones, holding their breath when they find gentle concern instead of the anger they were prepared for. “You okay?”

“Yes, I– I'm okay.”

“Do you want me to pause the movie? We can change it too if you don’t like this one.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Sorry.”

Villain narrows their eyes but doesn’t argue. 

Hero swallows and silently digs their fingers into the soft cushions beneath them, not at all like the thin mattress they have at the base. Their gaze darts around the room, letting the wallpaper and wooden furniture sink in, so different from the one at home. The one where Superhero is, far away from here.

They aren’t there anymore. They should miss the heroes’ base, shouldn’t they? Miss Superhero. And yet all Hero feels is relief for being away. We are family, Hero, and that’s why I have to be so harsh, Superhero used to say when tears slipped down Hero's cheeks despite their best efforts to hold them back, if I don’t teach you to behave, you’ll be alone, unwanted. Now get me the whip so we can take care of this crying problem.

Family. What a lousy family they are to the one person who taught them all they know. 

Through the corner of their eye, Hero watches Villain as they look at the tv, a stiffness to their shoulders that wasn’t there a moment before Hero lost their grip on reality. Words bubble up and fill their mouth with pleads, but Hero makes sure to clench their teeth and keep them inside. Am I a bad person? Is there something wrong with me for not missing Superhero?

Villain gives them a side glance, and Hero turns their gaze to the movie, words and questions still stirring inside of them, nowhere to go as they pretend that their eyes don’t sting and their stomach doesn’t flip.

They can’t say anything. Not to Villain. The both of them had come to a silent agreement of not mentioning Superhero after the third fight burst out. There was no middle ground to be achieved there.

They are abusing you, you can’t go back to them, Villain would snarl. They saved me, you have no idea who they are, Hero would shout. 

So they stopped. Villain showed up one day with a bowl of popcorn and the remote control for the television and they settled into an unspoken truce. It was disturbingly easy to ignore who they were and pretend to have a friend. 

It’s only in the darkest hours of the night that Hero allows themself to grieve what that friendship could be like if it was real.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk?” Villain asks, pausing the movie. 

Hero takes a deep breath and lets the blank mask they’ve learned to perfect fall over their features. “Talk about what?”

“About why you look so sad,” they say in such a careful tone, Hero’s heart squeezes inside their chest. 

“I’m just tired.”

“You don’t have to talk to me specifically, you know… We can find you a good therapist if you want to.”

“We?”

Villain stops, closes their mouth, blinks at Hero. When they speak again, their eyes are locked on the cushion that sits between them. “I just meant that I can help you if you let me. That’s all.”

They don’t look nervous. Villain looks as composed as they always do, but Hero doesn’t miss the way their eyes refuse to meet Hero’s nor the unnatural stillness that takes over their body even as their voice continues leveled and laid-back. Maybe it’s that hidden anxiety or perhaps Hero’s own need to erase the tension on Villain’s shoulders that makes them uneasy enough to lean forward. Whatever reason it is, it leads their hand to hesitantly hold Villain’s.

“Thank you.”

They don’t say the rest – but I’ll be gone soon, so it won’t be necessary. For some reason, it doesn’t feel right. Not when they know exactly how Villain’s brows would knit together and their jaw would clench if they did. How they’d immediately hide that flicker of emotion behind their eyes.

“C’mon, I want to know if Rapunzel’ll find out she’s the princess,” Hero says after a moment, offering a small smile.

Villain nods and presses play, but a slight frown remains on their forehead even after the movie has ended.

-

They are reading a book when the house goes eerily silent. It’s a weird thing, to read with no other worries but the story they are diving into, so it is no surprise it takes Hero so long to notice the quiet. 

They look up at the room they were given, the comfort they were allowed like never before. It looks as beautiful as always with the gentle light of the evening sun warming up the wooden floor, but the lack of noise is enough to make something twist in the pit of their stomach as Hero kicks the quilt away and stands up slowly, a hand placed on top of their wound as they stride to the door.

Hero takes all of three steps before a familiar smell reaches their nose. A smell that should’ve been comforting, but instead sends bolts of terror through their veins. 

They topple over even before the incapacitating agent hits their lungs, half out of fear, half out of sadness. 

The smell isn’t known only because it is Superhero’s mark but also because Hero’s felt it enough times to know not to fight its effects. Their cheek hits the floor just as the door slams open and their mentor’s face appears above them, a smirk on their lips outlined by something so vicious it drags an involuntary whimper out of Hero.

Superhero’s mouth moves, but the drug takes Hero away before they can make out the words.

As they sleep though – if the numbing daze they are forced under can be called sleep – the words become clearer and clearer until they are all they hear in between muddled dreams and scrambled memories.

Hi, little traitor.

Minutes, hours, days later when they wake up, it’s to the sound of a gasp they barely realize comes from their own lips and a wave of nausea that makes them curl up with a moan.

When they open their eyes, several deep breaths later, Hero is faced with gray walls that are as familiar as the cement under their body. 

Home, at last.

“Aren’t you going to thank me?”

Hero’s eyes snap to the door, to where Superhero stares down at them, and they try to pull themself up onto their elbows only to fall back down when the world spins and their head pounds at the quick movement. 

“Was really a week of captivity all it took to undo everything I tried so hard to make you into?” Superhero sighs, pure disappointment dripping from the words and sinking into Hero’s heart like acid. “One week and all of my efforts to turn you into someone worthy are gone.”

“I don’t, I’m not, I’m sorry,” they whine and instantly cringe at the weakness they know Superhero hates to hear in their voice.

“So you sided with Villain now, is that what I understand?”

“No. Superhero, I swear, they ki–“ but, somehow, it feels like a betrayal to call the time they spent being cared for a kidnapping. Still, under their mentor’s watchful eyes, it slips through their lips in a whisper. “They kidnapped me.”

“And you’re telling me you couldn’t have escaped? I had the doctor check on you, Hero. All they found was a healing wound.”

The wound you gave me.

But along with the thought, what comes isn’t anger. It’s fear. “Where’s Villain?” Hero asks without thinking.

Superhero’s brows shoot up to the middle of their forehead and an incredulous smile splits their face. “You care for that delinquent now, do you? You truly are ruined, then.”

“Did you catch them?” they grit out before Superhero’s anger wipes away their defiance. With Villain’s playful smirk and gentle eyes in their mind, it isn’t so hard to roll to their side and carefully prop themself up into a sitting position, slouched against the wall but a little closer to their mentor’s eyes. They’ll take whatever punishment they deserve, but not before knowing if their fr– if Villain is alright. “Please, I need to know.”

“Why should I answer you anything? After you’ve disappeared and let yourself be captured, after I rescue you and you come back like the little brat you used to be, why should I oblige you?”

“Please.” They have no other answer. Nothing else to offer but the broken plead, the hope that there isn’t a cell in the heroes' base where a snarky, funny, kind villain is being kept.

“I’m so disappointed in you, Hero. You haven’t learned a thing I tried to teach you. Do you have any idea of what happened to the city while you were playing nice with Villain? Do you even care?”

“I do! Of course I do, please. I’m so sorry.”

“You do realize I have to punish you, don’t you?” they say, and all Hero can do is try to stifle the tears that fill their eyes. “I don’t even know where to start fixing you. And I don’t think that simply being locked away is enough for you to realize the extent of your failure this time.”

Hero tries to get up. Against their best senses, they lean against the wall and push themself up as Superhero leaves the room, but they can barely stand upright before they return, a straitjacket on their hands.

“No,” they breathe, but their legs are still weak from the drug and the wound hurts and the ground swirls and when Hero tries to take a step away, instead they tumble to the ground. “Please, please, I’ll do better, I can be better, please–”

“You know I hate it when you beg,” Superhero hisses, crouching in front of Hero as they weakly try to crawl away. “You are already staying here for a month, Hero. Don’t give me reasons to raise that number to three.”

Even if they wanted to struggle, all fight leaves their body at the words, the finality that encases them. 

As their mentor straps the straitjacket around Hero’s torso, pulls their arms taut against their abdomen and buckles in the straps, they stay quiet, still. They know that they deserve this. 

“Heroes don’t make friends with villains, Hero,” Superhero says as they fasten the last strap. “I never thought you were stupid enough not to know that, but I’ll make sure to teach you this lesson well enough so you never forget it again.”

It gets harder to breathe with Superhero this close, with fabric forcing their arms to stay crossed in front of them. Most of all, the fear of Villain having been caught is what makes their chest heavy with dread.

“I won’t forget how you tried to pull away from me, dear,” Superhero continues as they get up. “Or that you still haven’t thanked me for rescuing you.”

They open their mouth to say it, but all that leaves in place of the ‘thank you, Superhero’ is a soft sob. Superhero grimaces, disgusted.

“You know I hate to do this, Hero, but I can’t have an apprentice of mine be this much of a wreck. You need fixing, and I’ll make sure to have you fixed to the best of my ability, don’t worry.”

Hero only watches as their mentor leaves the room and locks the door behind them, leaving Hero alone in the barren room they’ve been inside so many times before.

They know the drill. Know not to fight or scream, and know that if they do, they will be charged for those weaknesses. Still, Hero can’t help the tears that fall down their temples and pool on the concrete underneath their head as they curl up and writhe in the stiff fabric that holds their hands in place.

Too tiny. Too tight. Too alone.

Hero sobs on the ground, and even though they know they deserve this, they cannot help but wish for Villain, wherever they are, to come and get them out.

[captain-natey]

New Home -Chapter One (domestic fluff rivetra fic)

{ship: Levi x Petra {word count: 1,9k {summary: Levi gets a call from an orphanage about a girl(Mikasa) that is his distant family. {notes: Just what I wrote today based of the idea some of you said you wanna see. I like it so far! I call Hange - Hans, because that's the official name they have in English.

ao3 / tumblr: chapter 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5

@soaringcadenza @lunar-rainclouds @atthebrinksofstories @neverdonegrowing @himevampirechan

🏡

Levi looked at the building in front of him and back at the address on his phone, then back at the map app. “St.Sina Orphanage” was an incredibly old and huge building. The bricks were dirty after dozens of years exposed by the wild weather of the region. 

The whole surroundings looked depressing and he couldn’t tell if it was because of the awful fall weather or just the sparse trees surrounded by tall, wild weeds. 

His car stood out in a place like this. Clean and new, felt out of order in such a small village. He made sure it’s locked before making his way to the doorbell at the gate. Turns out he didn’t even have to use it, because it was already opened. He was glad. The sole idea of how much dirt had to be on it made him shiver.

The entrance to the building opened when he was walking up the stairs to it, and a bunch of kids ran out, laughing wildly. He moved out of their way at the last second so none of them would crash into him. 

A tired looking older woman exited the building after them but stopped at his sight. He couldn’t place if her eyes were showing fear of him coming to register a child or hope of him getting some out of there. Too bad he didn’t plan either of that. 

“I’m Levi Ackerman. I was called to see my alleged cousin.”

“Ah, yes. I’ve heard about you, although we didn’t expect your arrival so soon.”

“Where should I go?”

“The administration office is on the first floor. End of the corridor.”

“Thank you.” he replied shortly and passed her to enter the building. He stopped in his tracks at the sight. The inside of the building wasn’t in a better state than the outside at all. It wasn’t even properly cleaned. He stretched his fingers in an uncomfortable reaction and walked upstairs trying to ignore the unpleasant smell of the facility. He could hear the screams of playing kids nearby. 

God, his head was already hurting.

He was greeted kindly by the staff. The homely atmosphere of the place felt strange to him.

“We’re so glad you decided to come, mr. Ackerman. It’s rare we are able to find relatives after such a long time.”

“You said how long she’s here?”

“Two years. After the tragic accident of her parents, we took her in. It seems she doesn’t remember them well. After all, she was only three years old.”

“That’s logical.” he replied shortly, following the woman through the corridor. The doors creaked when she opened them and the noise he have heard earlier tuned up in volume twice if not three times. He walked in with a frown. 

“Kids! Kids please, we have a guest, be quiet!” the woman called to no avail and he sighed. 

“Shut up for five minutes, brats!” he raised his voice, making all of them silent. Even the nurse seemed taken aback by his voice. At least it worked. 

She cleared her throat and looked around. 

“Mikasa, please come with us.”

Whispers filled the room as all the kids looked at the small girl sitting alone at the table. She was in the middle of drawing. She looked unsure but gathered her drawings and walked over to them.

The woman took her hand and they got out, but not without Levi sending a warning glance at the kids first. 

They sat at the wooden bench a bit further into the corridor, the kid sitting in the middle. 

“Mikasa, remember what we told you yesterday?”

“That…I still have a family.”

“Yes. Mr. Ackerman is your…um…”

“I came here to meet you.” He said instead, not sure himself how to call a child of the distant cousin of his mother. 

“Oh…Okay.” She replied with her head down. 

“Can I speak with her alone?” he asked after a moment and after a reply in a nod, the woman went back to check on the children. He waited for her to close the doors before opening his mouth again. 

“Will you look at me?”

“You’re scary.” the girl replied and he froze in place, surprised by the bold statement.

“I’m not that bad.”

“Really?” she asked, raising her head. He was a little surprised to see her Asian features. He felt stupid but he didn’t consider finding someone like that in this overwhelmingly white country.

“I’m not going to hurt you, if that’s what you’re scared of.”

“...that’s good.”

“What’s this?” he asked, pointing at the papers in her hands.”

“Ah…it’s a secret.”

Levi fell silent. He wasn’t good with kids. The cute way people used to talk to them, he couldn’t get it. It felt too unnatural. After his mother died, he was raised by the criminal that was her brother, and he wasn’t the nicest person, nor did he have any skills to raise him other than providing him food and then disappearing out of thin air and never coming back.

“You…you didn’t come to take me from here, right?”

“No. I came to meet you.”

“What does it mean that we are family?” she asked shyly.

“It’s…I can write you letters from time to time. And help you when you are older, I guess.”

“I can’t read.”

He sent her a pitiful look.

“Someone will read them to you. And you have a good reason to learn it fast.”

“Okay. I will try.” she promised and shivered, then started scratching the skin on her arm. He noticed it was already red and he leaned in to take a closer look.

“Are you allergic to something?”

“What is allergic?” she asked and wiped her running nose with the sleeve of her shirt. 

Levi felt like he was about to throw up. He took the pack of hygienic wipes from the pocket of his long jacket and handed it to her. 

“You can’t do that with your clothes, now they are dirty.” he said with disgust. 

“Sorry.” she said and struggled with opening the pack. She blew her nose into a wipe and Levi covered his mouth, looking to the side. He looked back at her and scanned her small figure. She was tinier than he thought the five year olds were. Her clothes were slightly dirty but it only made sense in a place like this. He was sure even the bench they were sitting on  would leave dust on his perfectly ironed clothes. 

“Can I keep them?” Mikasa asked, staring at the colorful picture on the wipe’s package. Something deep inside him hurt at the sight. He decided to ignore it. Sending her some toys in the future would seal that pain just right.

“Sure.”

Mikasa gasped and brought the package to her chest, hugging it. 

“Thank you.” 

Levi blinked in confusion and nodded, at the loss of words. 

—

“She must be allergic to something you give her. Or something in the air. You have to check that, I will send you money for the doctor appointment, but it must be spent on her.”

The woman in the office that he discussed with seemed offended by what he implied. 

“Same thing with the clothes I will send for her.” he added and bit his tongue to not say anything about the dirty state of the facility. He was sure it was because of being understaffed and the lack of money to hire someone who would have time to take care of it. He took a deep breath.

“I will try to find a chance to come by next month.” he said as he left the office. 

Despite what he said, he felt uneasy. He reached the front doors and was slapped in face by the harsh cold wind outside. He stood there, motionless for over a minute before turning on his heel and going back to the office at a fast pace. 

He pushed the doors open, interrupting the women complaining about his maneurs. 

“I’ll take her with me.” he declared.

—

And just like that, he was coming back home with a five year old who was now officially considered his daughter. They were driving in silence. Mikasa’s eyes were big and shiny from the excitement but also stress, he presumed. He didn’t have the special car seat for a kid, so he at least sat her on his folded jacket, so she could be on the right height for the seat belt. He noticed she was hiding her hands between her knees.

“Are you cold?”

“Y-yes.”

“Then you should have said something.” he sighed and reached to the backseat to hand her his leather gloves.

“So fluffy…” she whispered after putting them on her small hands. 

“If you need something, you need to tell me. I’m not reading minds.”

“Okay.” she replied timidly, turning her head to the other side. 

He spared her a glance and frowned for a second before speaking again. 

“You can call me Levi.”

 —

Levi was always fond of his workplace. Someone like him couldn’t afford just any university. He enrolled in the military as fast as he could. It was true that the country was at peace for years now, but he appreciated how serious this place took their training. They were supposed to always be ready. 

From the moment he joined, he knew this was where he belonged. Even if he couldn’t stand some of his coworkers, there was something between all of them that felt right. The section he worked with was a new one, from what he figured, an experimental one, looking at how young the people in charge were.

Paperwork was always a big part of his job. Fortunately for him, he ended up sharing the office with Rico, a coworker just as focused on her work like he was. They agreed on no small talk policy. Despite that, a kind of companionship formed between them and they started to talk during lunch breaks. 

They were eating in silence in the cafeteria when the leader of the other department jumped to the chair on Rico’s side. 

“Oh shit, is it true you spent all of your vacation days because you got a kid?” they asked Levi, propped with both hands on the table.

He ignored them and kept eating before sighing. 

“And I’m starting to regret it.”

“What?!”

“Because now somehow even people from the other buildings are talking about me.”

Hans deflated on the chair and rolled their eyes. Levi stopped the fork on its way to his mouth and put it down. 

“It’s…harder than I expected. Nurturing a kid.”

“No wonder, you are the last person I’d want to have as a parent.” Hans replied.

“And I’d drown you in a bathtub if you were my child.”

“Brr, that’s cold, even coming from you.” 

“My wife has a friend who is very good with children. She used to babysit a lot in high school.” Rico said in a pondering tone. “Maybe you can ask her for some tips on how to get better. She doesn’t work during the university anymore, but I’m sure she will help.”

“I don’t need tips. I’m reading books about it.” he sighed. 

—

An hour. He left Mikasa alone in her room for an hour, just to come there now and find her covered in poster paint. She was painting flowers on the big piece of paper on the carpet. Her clothes were colorful just like the previously white carpet underneath. 

He felt like he was about to faint. He left the room without a word and picked Rico’s number on the list of contacts on his phone.

“Give the girl you talked about my number.”