#i wouldnt still be struggling to show my love to sable. i wouldnt be struggling to call them pet names.
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three of swords
#i keep feeling like i gotta bleed my heart out over and over sometimes#cut it open and let it spill out. try to get all the people i loved dearly that no longer love me out of it#i must keep spilling... eventually itll all pour out. little by little it drips out... or sometimes it bursts like a big bubble#and i do things i regret#or say things i shouldnt. or get in my head like i shouldnt#but overall its all just the act of bleeding it out#i must continue to let it seep#eventually ill be grateful for this opportunity to let myself grow entirely seperately#i think the walking eachother home in life analogy is pretty true#sometimes i wish i never met any of them at all but i know that i dont really mean that#i know it wasnt all for nothing#i know i had fun. i know im not hurting for no reason. if i really didnt love them i wouldnt be hurting. if i really didnt love him#i wouldnt still be struggling to show my love to sable. i wouldnt be struggling to call them pet names.#i wouldnt be struggling to look ahead with them. i wouldnt be struggling with any of this if i really had no regrets#if they really didnt matter to me#but i am. but i am struggling. i hate that i am struggling#but i am! and yknow what i think thats very human. i think thats very normal. its okay to not feel settled right now.#its all very unsettling. but i let it hurt me and then ill patch it back up again. i let my heart bleed out and i let it heal itself after#its not gonna be linear. and i know that#reflections
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