love-killed-the-superstar · 6 months ago
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PLS READ!!
My friend is in an abusive home situation, they are disabled and have undergone emotional and physical abuse since having to move back home, and has recently been physically assaulted by their abuser (evidence in video). They are trying to grow an online career so that they can move out and gain some financial independence away from their abusive family - please consider checking out their channel if you are looking for new streamers to watch, and I have linked their don@tion page down below. They are an absolute sweetie who is in a lot of physical danger so please, if there is anything you can contribute to help, or even sharing this post, will be wonderful, thank you so much.
Link to Video || Link to Twitter Post || Donation Link
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aibazuos · 3 months ago
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My Brazilian ass is thinking way too much about a One Piece Brazilian military dictatorship AU and I need to put it out there or I will explode
Honestly, the only reason that's something I have such strong opinions about is bc Luffy is Brazilian and there's just so little Brazilian characters in media in general (There's more in Japanese media than in other places but I don't have the time to explain it, if you want to learn more about that you can watch this video).
I don't know how ethical it is to find parallels between a fictional work and very real events that caused the suffering and death of a lot of people. But I think that this is a way to share more of this very important moment in Brazilian history.
So, let's start with a bit of actual history before jumping into my strange attempt at mixing a media that I love and the history of my country.
(Tw: discussions of torture, death, abuse of power by the government, gun use, armed revolution, censorship and anything you can think about that has to do with a military dictatorship. I won't go into detail, but if that's something that triggers you be mindful of that)
Oh, not a TW but something you should know, there's a lot, and I mean a lot, of communism, socialism and anarchism, just so you know
The coup d'état
In 31th of March, 1964 the Brazilian President João Goulart was overthrown by the army. The coup would later be described as a "revolution" by Castelo Branco, one of the Presidents during de dictatorship. It was said to be revolution bc of the "threat of communism" that had been taking over Brazil.
I need to make this very clear, Brazil had at the time some communist and socialist party's, but there was no actual threat from them, since they weren't popular enough with the general population.
This anti-communism reasoning had been used before to instal dictatorships is Brazil, such as the Getulio Vargas government. And it's still being used to this day by far-right politicians to manipulate the public (no, I'll not be arguing about this, if you truly think Brazil has an actual communist threat you can go and find another blog for you, mine isn't the place. block me if you feel the need)
The coup, and the whole dictatorship, was funded by the US
The Institutional Acts
The Institutional Acts were extra-legal decrees that were issued. There were 17 of them and more than a 100 complementary acts.
The Institutional Act number 5 is considered the more violent one, it allowed: the revocation of mandate of any elected politician, the president to interfear in government of states and county's and it made possible for a citizen to lose their constitutional rights. This Act was the one that basically legalized the torture that was already happening.
The Torture and Assassinations
Again, not going into detail, but there was a lot of people who disappeared after being arrested. The most infamous case is of Vladimir Herzog who was found in his cell after "self deleting" with his tie. The photo of his body was sent to the news by the army, but it was questioned by the public, bc he used his tie, but his his legs could touch the floor, so not the most efficient way. I do not recommend looking for his name online unless you want to see the fake self deleting photo, there's no blood or gore, but it is a dead body.
You could be arrest for subversive behavior, basically anything that the government deemed to be against it. A lot of students and teachers were arrested, journalists, actual revolutionaries and people that they would call "communists" even if a lot of them weren't communists.
The Censorship
A lot of art was censored during the dictatorship. Some musicians, such as Chico Buarque , found ways to still criticize the government in their songs but in a more subtle way that wouldn't get them caught. But even then Chico Buarque had to flee the country at some point. (Construção, Cálice and A Banda are very good songs that he wrote during the dictatorship and that are seen a symbol of resistance, really recommend them)
Carlos Marighella
Carlos Marighella was at one point considered enemy number one by the government and was classified as a terrorist. He participated in the armed fight against the dictatorship and founded the Ação Libertadora Nacional (National Liberation Action)
Before the coup he was already part of the Communist Party and an atheist, getting arrested even before the coup bc of an offensive poem he wrote about the administration of Bahia.
The ALN was involved in the kidnapping of an American ambassador in 69, along side the MR-8, another revolutionary movement.
Later that year Marighella was killed in the back of a car after being shot multiple times by the police. The photo of his body would be sent to papers, and through that way his son, fifteen at the time, discovered about his father’s death.
His death would get the urban guerrilla slowed down, but the rural guerrillas still happen and it got more support.
In 1996 the Ministry of Justice would recognize Marighella’s death as the estate’s responsibility. In 2007 it was decided that his wife, Clara Charf was to have a lifetime pension from the government (she is still alive at 99 years old). And, in 2012, after investigations, the Ministry of Justice declared his amnesty post mortem.
(Again, be careful when searching about him, the pictures of his body are not hard to find, and it’s a very bloody image. He was shot multiple times)
The end
The dictatorship ended in 1985. At that point the military was having difficulties keeping itself in power, since the direct elections for governor in 1982 had already elected 10 governors that were in opposition to the dictatorship.
Along side that, during 1983 and 1984 there was a civil movement called “Diretas Já” that wanted the direct elections for the president back, since those stopped happening after the dictatorship took place. That movement was taken down, but even then in the indirect elections of 1985 the non-military candidate, Tancredo Neves, won the election, officially ending the dictatorship.
The end of the dictatorship had already been expected by the military. So in 1979 the president João Batista Figueiredo signed the amnesty for anyone who had committed political crimes, including the torturers. Dilma Rousseff, the first woman to be president of Brazil, elected in 2012, was one of the many people to be tortured by the military and one of the few that survived it. And the current president, Luís Inácio "Lula" da Silva, was part of the syndicalist movement during the dictatorship (not saying I like them, but they are very important figures today and I think it puts into perspective that this events weren't that long ago)
About 400 people were confirmed dead after the end of the dictatorship, but more than 20,000 were missing. It's very hard to find the information about the missing people, since even if files were made about them they are either hidden somewhere or they have been destroyed. To this day new information about this period is being discovered.
In 1988 the new constitution had been written and put into place. It still is the constitution that is being used to this day and is called the citizen constitution, since it was made for the new democratic government. It also made the presidential elections direct again.
WTF AM I DOING??? (AKA: the actual One Piece part)
(honestly there's still a lot of history during this part, I'm terrible at this)
The Marighella question
I just needed to work someone based on Marighella into this, he is such an important figure in all of this. I had two main ideas, either Gol D. Roger and Monkey D. Dragon could fulfill this role of a number one enemy but bc the main character is obviously Luffy i kinda want to make it Dragon.
I think I have some ideas abt their father-son relationship, or lack of it, that would make it interesting.
What I'm writing here is basically a pre-story and the very beginning of it, bc of it some characters are going to be left out (also I haven't watched all of one piece)
Monkey D. Garp
Born in 1904 in the city of Rio de Janeiro
Joined the military in 1922 at 18
Had Dragon in 1929 at 25
Fought in WWII as part of the cobras fumantes (smoking snakes)
Had a difficult time being there for Dragon when he was growing up since he at the time was to rising up the ranks
Tried to get Dragon to join the military
In 1951 when the Getúlio Vargas got into power again Dragon had been affiliated to the communist party for 5 years and Garp stated to hide their connection so that he wouldn't have to report his son.
Luffy is born in 1952 and Dragon takes care of him until 1955. Garp tries to take care of him for a few months, but bc he's a this point a Brigadier General he doesn't have the time to take care of a kid, so Luffy is sent to live with Dadan in Salvador.
When the coup happens Garp burns every file that has Dragon's full name
When Dragon is expelled from the communist party, in 1967, Garp thinks that he's going to calm down and stop, but a few months later more violent revolutionary actions start happening and Garp just knows that it is his son
Garp tries to disturb the investigations that are slowly getting closer to Dragon, but when the U.S starts putting more and more funds into finding and killing Dragon he is forced to stop or he'll be under suspicion of treason
When Dragon dies in 1969 Garp goes to Salvador to tell Luffy face to face abt his father's death
He again tries to get Luffy to join the military, trying to get his grandson to be safe, maybe that way he can resign
Luffy refuses and Garp knows that if he resigns he won't be able to protect Luffy, so he doesn't resign
When his colleagues start talking about this new traveling artists that are making subversive plays in the more rural areas Garp promises himself that no one will kill his grandson
Monkey D. Dragon
Born in 1929 in Salvador, Bahia
He remembers the fear that he felt every time a soldier came bearing news of his father's situation. Would this be the time they tell him he died while fighting the nazis?
The first time he learned about communism was by chance. Some activists had ran scared after the police arrived and left behind some copies of the communist manifesto. He was 14 and that was the first book he read through that wasn't for school
When WWII ended in 1945 Dragon was relieved to have his father back, but that didn't last long. Soon Garp was back to work
They moved to Rio de Janeiro after Garp came back
Since Rio was, at the time, the capital and Gétulio Vargas had just been deposed it wasn't particularly difficult for Dragon to start going to communist meetings
In 1946, when Dragon is 17, he officially joins de communist party
After he graduated high school in the end of that same year he officially moves out and start living in a college commune
He goes to the Universidade Federal do Rio de Janeiro (UFRJ - Federal University of Rio de Janeiro) to get a sociology degree
He graduates in 1950
When Vargas becomes a President again in 1951 Dragon is arrested for subversion for the first time
He's in prison for a few months
When he sees Garp after that they both know that no one can know about their connection. Vargas is in power again and an active member of the communist party that is also the son of an important figure from the military has the biggest target in his back
They wouldn't see each other for years. Both still living in Rio de Janeiro, but no attempts at contact would be made
In 1952 Luffy is born, Dragon is his sole caretake
For his son he tries to lay low, he knows what is like to have an absent father, he doesn't want his son to have the same. He does more office work, publishing unsigned papers in various communist papers and that works
For 3 years that works, but then he's arrested in a violent way. He is shot in the stomach and 2 cops press him to side of the car while putting handcuff on him
Luffy sees everything
When he gets his one call he calls one of his friends and asks them to take Luffy to Garp's house in as many codes as he can use, trying to make sure that the cops didn't know he had a son.
This time his arrest lasts 2 years, he thinks that it would've lasted more if Vargas hadn't ended his own government by killing himself
He goes to visit Garp, to visit Luffy
But Luffy isn't there and Garp won't tell him where Luffy is
He's angry, furious, but at the same time he knows that Luffy is going to be safer away from him
He never sees Luffy again
Juscelino Kubitschek (JK) is elected President in 1955 and the construction of Brasília, the new capital, starts
Things calm down for a few years between JK's government, Jânio Quadros resignation from office and than João Goulart
But the coup happens
Everyone in the party knows that if things had been hard when Vargas was president they are about to get worse now
The younger members of the party, the ones that hadn't been there when Vargas was president, either get even more radicalized or leave the party
Dragon feels like they aren't doing enough, people are getting tortured and killed and they are writing articles that are never going to be published
He's expelled from the party, his colleagues see him as being way to violent, but he takes some people with them and makes his own revolutionary group
They finally get some world out there, but the military makes sure that none of it gets to the papers, censoring everything
The military gets more vicious in their search for Dragon, so Dragon gets more violent
Civillians are never to be killed, even if they are sometimes caught in the crossfire
They throw a grenade in an U.S building and things get harder, now the U.S wants Dragon's head too
He knows that he's going to die, that the police has found his colleagues, his friends. He knows that he is one of the few left and, maybe, if he dies first, the ones that are still alive can get away, maybe live normal lives
He writes letter and records messages in tapes, most os them are for Luffy
When he gets shot the first time he knows that this it, that he's going to die there in the backseat of a car
Quickly the other shots follow
Monkey D. Luffy
Born in 1952 in the city of Rio de Janeiro
His gramps sent him to live in Salvador when he was very young
For some reason he doesn't have many memories from before he went to live with Dadan... but he remembers someone being shot
He's 5 when he meets his brothers. He loves them
School is boring
Gramps wants him to join the army when he grows up
One day, when Luffy is 7 a band of traveling artists appear in town, the cops hate them but Luffy is immediately interested
Shanks is just so cool and so strong
Luffy wants to be like him when he grows up
They get into a fight with some low grade soldiers and Luffy tries to defend them
He fails
Shanks has to protect him and gets shot in his shoulder, he loses movement of his arm
Luffy promises himself that he would get strong enough to not let anyone he cares about get hurt
Shanks continues to tell him that it wasn't his fault, the cop should't have pointed at gun at a child
Just as sudden as they came the leave, Shanks gives Luffy his straw hat
Things go back to how they were before, except now Luffy knows he will never be part of the military
Gramps is angry when he hears that
When he's twelve his teachers start talking about how the military is now in power, they say it's a good thing "We'll finally get ride of the commies, there will be order in the country"
Luffy feels something sick in him
A month later Sabo dies
Luffy and Ace didn't go to school for a week
Ace graduated and left. He said he wanted to do something good, make their childhood dreams of changing the world into reality
Luffy wants to go with him but Ace refused
Luffy is now alone
School is still boring and now his teachers continue to praise the military in everything they do. Some of them seem scared of the military though
He's 15 when he hears whispers of this “commie bastard” that is been causing havoc in Rio de Janeiro
He's 16 when the papers now have the face and name of the commie bastard, a guy with a face tattoo, " THE TERRORIST DRAGON"
He's 17 when his gramps shows up in town, with a paper in hands that declared that Dragon was dead
"Your dad Luffy, he died"
Gramps begs him to join the military, to keep himself safe
Luffy can't agree to that, not after having see the military hurt so many people and stop them from being free
All Luffy wants is to be free
That is the first time he sees his Gramps cry
His gramps said that his dad left him tapes and letters
Luffy hears and reads all of them that night
When Dadan and gramps go to wake him up next day they find an empty bed
Okay, this post is already way to long and characters like Ace and Sabo are more interesting if I talk abt them at a later point
Honestly I really recommend taking pieces of the history of your country and characters you love and smash them. It doesn't need to be something so traumatic as my choice was, you can just use something that you think is interesting.
My choice was the dictatorship bc I think One Piece deals a lot with themes like these with the marines that it was the most obvious choice. Also communist Dragon, honestly that was a big part of it too
Less important, but like, I really do need to change the names of the IRL presidents and stuff like that. bc even the idea of "Monkey D. Dragon" and "Getúlio Vargas" being two people alive at the same time is weird
I don't know if this post will get attention, but I do plan on writing more of whatever this is
Also, this shit wasn't beta'd I just needed to get this out there as soon as possible
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miroslavcloset · 1 year ago
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Heyy!! I read your post about the BVB players and omg the Marco Reus one is perfection ✨
Would you consider writing for him? There’s a dire lack of Reus smut online and it always makes me so confused.
Dating Marco Reus -Headcanons- [Non-NSFW and NSFW]
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A/N: yES This is the final push I needed to finally write for him <3 We need smut of our old men aka my guilty pleasure. Also, Marco is attractive as fuck idk what is happening here. I don't know why i'M SURE he would be the one who slaps your ass and calls you babygirl AND I'M HERE FOR IT
It was easy for Marco to remark on all the things he liked about you. He is the kind of boyfriend who shows photos of you to his friends or loved ones and tells them how beautiful you are.
He loves public displays of affection and is not afraid of letting everyone know how much he loves you, of course, he respects if you have boundaries set about being very open about your relationship with him.
You are the first person who will hear of him after a match, his frustrations, the things he thinks he could've done better, but also how much his teammates are improving, especially the younger ones. It shows how much he cares about everyone around him, no surprise that he is seen as the team leader.
It was an important step when Marco opened up enough to let you take care of him during his injuries, at the beginning he wouldn't let you help, insisting that he was going to be a burden or it would take too much of your time. It took a while to convince him that you weren't together only in the good times and that you would be more than happy to help him through his recovery.
Every once in a while you would receive a message from him with a Spotify song, one that made him think of you during the day. Of course, he wouldn't admit to anybody that he has song lyrics that remind him of his loved one.
One of the best parts of dating him was that he loved giving you compliments, telling you in bed how your body drives him crazy, and telling you how your cares are the reason he always has recovered. Of course, he would laugh and give you a kiss if you blush while he's expressing how much he loves you.
It wasn't unheard of that he mentioned you in one or two interviews, liking to share a bit of how happy you make him.
Before moving in with him, Marco's favorite part of the morning was when you sent him photos of your outfits, or a selfie while you were doing anything of your routine, secretly he never deleted those and kept them in his phone.
He knows your reactions to it so, when no one is looking he takes a picture of himself while he's changing in the stadium locker room and send it to you, he likes a little mischief every once in a while.
It was easy for him to distract himself by looking at you if you both were with friends or family, he is very outgoing but he'd rather be alone with you enjoying your company if he had to choose.
He tells you it's ok to call him every time you may need him when he has international plays or has to be away for a certain period of time, actually, he loves hearing from you when he cannot hug or be close to you.
NSFW Headcanons and disclaimer under the cut
Running your fingers through his tattoos was a pleasure on its own, the art on his skin highlighted by his trained body. He smiled and brought you into a kiss, starting softly, but as your tounges met each other, Marco's hands started to touch under your clothes.
You wanted to see his reactions first, also you loved pleasuring him as well. Parting from the kiss, you unbuttoned his pants while looking at him directly in the eyes, he knew what was coming and just the thought made him hard under your touch.
You took his whole length into your mouth, hearing a gasp coming from your boyfriend. In the beginning, you licked him slowly but it was inevitable to quicken the pace once his voice started to escape his mouth.
His fingers ran through your hair, slightly pulling it before pushing your face forwards, wanting to feel more of your mouth over him.
His breath was short and fast, and the grip on your hair intensified. He was close to coming from feeling you all over him.
''Alright, you've had your fun.'' He pushed you onto the bed, his frame over yours and a smile that promised to make you feel exactly how he wanted all night long.
His tattooed arms held your thighs while his mouth was between your legs. It's impossible to hold your voice when his tongue made you orgasm over and over again.
DISCLAIMER: This is just fiction and imagined scenarios written by a fan of the aforementioned player, in no way intended to harm anyone in any shape or form. I do this as a hobby, to practice my writing and English skills since it is not my first language (and because I love him, of course, I do) so thanks for reading! <3
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womanofwords · 6 months ago
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STEM Kids Shenanigans (Chapter 40)
Chapter 40: A Proper Conclusion
Angelo came to school wearing a pink shirt and with a pink and green charm bracelet, courtesy of Mirella Riva. His exhausted parents couldn't be bothered to tell him to remove it, and Mirella told him that he was pretty. Angelo liked it because it was a symbol of rebellion against the prefects of the school in general, and against Melanie Sainsbury specifically.
"Still carrying on the tradition, huh?" Dante teased, tying his hair back with a pink scrunchie. "Same here, man! Good to see it!" The boys shared a laugh.
Melanie sat in her accustomed seat, staring at the floor. Just a few more days before she could leave this dump for good. No apology she ever gave would be accepted by anybody. Sonia would be fine, but she was doomed.
"I hope Melanie does a better job at her next school than she did at this one," Dante muttered. "Otherwise she won't last long."
"I hope they're getting rid of Stephan too, while they're at it," Layla said. "Can't stand him."
"So smarmy," Yujin shuddered.
Melanie, overhearing everything they were saying about her, did her best not to look back at them. They were right about Stephan, and they were right about her, too. She should have taken a leaf out of her mother's book instead of her father's about people that weren't like her.
Maybe this mess wouldn't have happened.
(PAUSE)
Melanie had to hide during break. Everybody knew her and none of it was good. She had to apologise to the STEM club eventually, but she would be torn to shreds if seen. Yujin said that admitting what you did wrong was one of the most important parts of an apology, so Melanie made a list of what she'd done.
Repeatedly barged into STEM club meetings
Sent Stephan to spy on them
Accused them of breaking rules and trying to get them expelled
Not listening to their instructions when handling the slime they were making
Being rude while enforcing rules
Name-calling (calling them delinquents)
Repeatedly trying to disband the STEM club
Searching Layla and Yujin when she had no authority to do so
Looking at the list made Melanie nauseous. She'd really done a lot of stuff.
And now she was going to apologise for that stuff.
(PAUSE)
Clutching the list she'd made, she waited for the STEM club to be alone. The cafeteria was a no-go, and so was registration. So she found them in the corridors and approached shyly. "Hello again. It's . . . me," she said.
"We know who you are," Angelo said. Yujin was already behind him. Dante and Layla were more overt with their anger, glaring at her. "Do you have something to say?"
"Yes, I do, actually," Melanie said. "I'm apologising to you."
"Oh, here we go," Dante groaned.
"No! I actually want to apologise!" Melanie insisted. "I'm sorry for calling you delinquents. I'm sorry for barging into your meetings, for trying to get you expelled, for sending Stephan to spy on you-"
"That was you?!" Angelo spluttered.
Melanie's eyes opened wide. "Oh. You didn't know that."
"You sent Stephan to get that photo of me that ended up on the front of the school newspaper?" Angelo asked.
The former prefect looked at her shoes. "Yes."
"Gotta say, that was a cool photo," Angelo murmured.
"ANGELO!" Layla, Dante, and Yujin yelled.
The little inventor looked at his friends with confusion. "What? It was!"
"It was wrong of her to send that sneaky little snake to follow us around!" Dante smacked Angelo around the head.
"That's why I'm apologising. I targeted you because you got into the STEM club and I was jealous about how you got in and I didn't."
The four looked at Melanie with jaws agape. "Really?" Yujin asked. "But that's so small and petty."
Melanie looked at her shoes. "I know."
Angelo was the first to speak. "I can't speak for anybody other than myself, but I will be able to forgive you. I won't be able to forget what you did, and the whole sending Stephan to spy on us is creepy as hell. All I can hope for is that you never do any of this to another person ever again. You might just make some real friends that way."
"I won't. I promise."
"Good," Angelo said. "And for the record, we would have just let you in if you'd only asked."
The brunette bully's hands went slack. "What?" she spluttered.
"Yes. We all thought that rule was dumb too," Dante said, the remaining three members muttering in the affirmative. "We just wanted to talk about science stuff. No world domination, no bullying, no nothing."
"Oh," Melanie said.
"So, now this is all explained, just know that I forgive you and I hope you live a good life somewhere away from here," Angelo said.
"Me too," Layla said. "Pick your friends wisely."
"I will," Melanie said, smiling a small smile. She scurried away quickly, still rather skittish.
"I hope she actually learns something from the experience," Yujin said.
"I think she will," Angelo said.
(PAUSE)
Next Monday, when registration rolled around and people noticed that Snitch Sainsbury was gone, many celebrated and joked about it. The STEM club, however, did not acknowledge it. They went on with their lives and conducted more experiments.
Yujin finally got to show off her rocket designs.
Dante told people more facts about the brain.
Layla's plant-based hair care business was thriving.
And Angelo had many more tests to conduct on his flying skateboard.
To read the other parts of this fic, see Masterlist.
OK, folks, the buck ends here! This is an awful way to tell you, but this is the final installment of STEM Kids Shenanigans! (Except for maybe a few spinoff oneshots if you ask nicely in the asks section.) If you liked it, reblog and comment because they keep writers like me living! Coming up next will be The Poisoned Prodigy.
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onlyhereforangst · 2 years ago
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Who fucked the fandom I'm confused? The person who wrote the article?
oh absolutely not, from what i can tell @shelbbswrites is a lovely person & writes about some of my favorite ships & i'd like her to keep writing so i can spiral about jiara in the near future.
as for who fucked the fandom, well. girl. the blog whose gif was linked, @/opponentsheir, is the one who knowingly, willfully fucked the fandom last summer.
it was circa mid-late May 2022 and here was the jiara tumblr fandom, struggling to get through the drought by the scraps of bts we'd scrounge up from filming. blurry ass photos that make you concerned for a tourist's ability to hold their water as they drink, random selfies that tell you next to nothing, and then the occasional "omg this is BIG how does this make sense how does it fit in but omg it's BIG" crumb.
times were rough, bts were tight, and the unsuspecting jiara tumblr fandom was hungry. unbeknownst to us in comes OH who decides. let's have some "fun" let's liven up the jiara fandom because it's clearly dead (false) and idk im bored besties let's play a hehe silly joke! at first, a few handpicked jiara blogs get random anonymous post submissions and each blog has like 2-3 different posts that are all supposed bts leaks. it's never-before-seen photos of what we can only presume are s3 bts. almost all of these blogs were in a jiara discord server together so the photos weren't shared because wtf who is trusting us with these clear leaks we don't want them to stop though. so we sit on these, we get excited, we spiral, all that fandom stuff that we had already. been. doing. but yeah here's a few more bts crumbs to have fun with. then a few weeks later when, to OH's surprise, the fandom hasn't reacted like she wanted, freaked out over her "leaks," hasn't posted them on every platform ever to give her the attention she feels she deserves, she decides oooh let's send more! this isn't sociopathic at all!! and then bam there's a second round of anonymous post submissions followed up by an anon ask sent to one of the blogs saying "you can post them, this is the last you'll get because i've reached my max photoshopping ability do not contact again" (also pardon but how tf are we supposed to contact you if you're anonymous).
ANYWAYS the leaks: we're talking blurry, random characters - sarah, pope, rose, jj and pope, kie, a random dude by a fire, and then jj having his beat-up face held by hands that look just like kie's hands.
and sure enough, we spiral! an actual face hold??? on our screens??? fuck yeah! cannot wait for s3!!! jokes on us we're getting so much more but yeah!!! we're theorizing we're writing whole ass fics we're speculating we've got a discord emoji we've got everything. a few hours later the leaks make it to jiara twt and THEY go wild too. i mean who tf wouldn't? you're starving for content and some mysterious source decides to drop you leaks. like yeah hindsight is 20:20 and who was going to potentially violate an NDA for this, but still.
fastforward several months and now OH is back because i guess she got desperate for attention again and feeling "important" or whatever. she goes on anon and says hey btw those leaks were fake ha ha isn't that funny, here's the photos i used linked here and here and omg isn't this just hilarious bestie such a good time man i love the jiara fandom being active again because god i was so BORED and man i just wanted more fics and edits and omg look it worked i mean i've done it before and i'd do it again (or some shit like that idk i dont have the wherewithal to go look it up and get it 100% correct but yeah, she admitted to doing it for funsies)
rightfully so, the fandom is fucking pissed. it isn't *fun* to get manipulated, it isn't *fun* to get manipulated into making new content???? that we don't get fucking paid to make???????? fuck you?????? you don't manipulate an entire group of people for SHITS AND GIGGLES that's literally sociopathic shit babe, go get help please. so yeah she fucked the entire fandom over Summer 2022 and did it because "i'm bored i want content" like fuck all the way off.
oh and side note: another anonymous poster tried to say oh i know who it is, but also i'm not going to tell you because you guys are clearly mad at her and i don't want you to take it out on her, i know her and it's ok she's ok. like i'm sorry. the fuck? don't insert yourself into this stupid sociopath's deranged manipulative plan. because guess what bitch, we've got detectives in this fandom and while OH never came off anon like the coward she is, the fandom was able to put it together & not only determine her tumblr but also her twt so when she tried a fucking round three several months later with "oh i found these on reddit but the post disappeared hehe" we all saw through that shit a mile away.
in a nutshell, @/opponentsheir fucked the fandom over with her manipulative bullshit & does not deserve a fucking drop of attention from anyone in this fandom.
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modx-reborn · 3 years ago
Text
Watch me
I had a Phantombur idea!
Please understand there is a reference to stalking but it is entirely related to a kink scenario.
To be sure I am mentioning it here as This is a Stalker Kink and thus kind of a CNC fic, so if that's not something you can handle please don't read this.
There are mentions of aftercare at the end but it is not depicted as my whole ass hand was getting too cold to keep typing, but it is implied that there is aftercare!
Aftercare is important people!
Minors DNI! Mild Smut Under the Cut!
Your day had been going well, sure a certain phantom, as much as you adored him, was keen on being by your side throughout the day, begging and whining for you to follow him, to let him show you something, to let him share a little secret, a surprise by his own words and how could you have said no? The bright look and excitement made you melt, so easily letting him lead you away to his surprise. 
As you woudl come to find, under the persona of a playful phantom who pranked people as a hobby, Wilbur has a little bit of a stalking habit, little being a lenient term for it. Archiving many personal items of everyone in the basement of his antique shop, a few bobbles and plushies, some polaroid photos (mostly of you surprisingly), nothing too big. He'd even be willing to sell some of them too, but only after he was sure he had found a good customer who wouldn't stab him in the back or rat him out and that was how you had found out. 
Having stood in his basement, looking at so many items you remember people asking about and so, so many more you had never thought he would have snatched up. But you hadn't snapped or yelled, you spoke calmly and found what you thought could be a solution that would stop the missing items and still let him have his fun, feed the need to have and watch when no one else knew he was there. 
Sure the first solution worked for a few weeks, having him be an invisible invader in your home, watching, shuffling items, using your underwear and leaving them where you would find them afterwards, but it only took the edge off for a little. Then something of Phil's went missing and there was your dear phantom tucked away in his shop's basement, placing it up high next to something else he had snatched from someone on the server. 
"Wilbur... I thought we had found a way to- To avoid this happening again..." 
If his skin weren't a deep blue you would have seen him flush at the words, cringing slightly and stumbling over his explanation, telling you how it had and then it wasn't anymore, it became lacklustre, too simple, too easy, it was not scratching the itch that watching, waiting, and stealing would do for him. At least he was willing to admit that he never thought about how it would feed him sexually till he had gone and used your plan and found the high pleasing as he came on your used clothes and left them for you to find. 
"Maybe I need something more, I watched and it was good, I took and moved but it wasn't good enough, maybe and this is a big maybe I need to take in a different way..." 
Had it been anyone other than wilbur you would have told them to think it through more, to sit down and truly think about what he was about to suggest next. But after having his eyes on you, invisible but oh so close to a physical presence in your home, watching and waiting, acting like it was a crime should he be caught, you were at least willing to listen and maybe hash out a more sane plan than the one he first offered. 
"It will be perfect, I will get to take, to have, to watch and-and you... You get to understand! To feel those shivers, that weight, the unwavering feeling of being watched and then snatched up... The prettiest treasure for this collection, one I won't sell." 
But that was weeks ago, sure it was part of the plan to let it sit and simmer at the back of your mind, let his plan fade into a half-remembered plan and be confused when it really began. 
His blessing to begin was the day you left him the build plans of your home.
The house was quiet, too quiet for your normal return home, usually, there was at least some kind of creaking, ticking, or just some kind of sound in general but this time when you stepped foot into your main room there was nothing, like the stillness of death. Empty and silent made up the description of the night, and not even opening your windows let anything in, well nothing you could see or hear. 
The moment the glass was raised and your back turned a certain someone had slipped in, intangible and invisible, white eyes wide and body practically vibrating with excitement as you shivered. The summer air could never chill you like that, it was the feeling of eyes on you, watching and waiting but flicking your gaze around showed not even the tell tail glimmer of your dear phantom, you were alone and your mind feeding you tricks in the dark. 
Even showering felt like ice winding down your spine, the wide glass doors letting you see everything in your bathroom, the vents keeping the haze of steam low and your bright lights making everything cast a shadow and still the feeling of eyes lingered, like fingers brushing against your spine as you step into the shower, like the sound of panting and a hiss in the wind. 
But you were still alone. 
Checking every room, locking every door and window, clearing and placing obsidian on the basement door let you ease your worry, you were alone and the feelings were just leftover from today, you could probably be heard across the valley muttering about your being fine, that it was just your imagination, and that today wasn't the day of the scene. So frequent and so repetitive like a chant or prayer, but all your prep did was lock you in with him. 
Just like you had agreed. 
Did you know Phantoms have more skills than just invisibility and intangibility? That under all that spook and blue tint their ghostly name was closer to its meaning, Wilbur had found this out by accident years ago, having made a simple mistake and had passed through someone when intangible, or well tried to.
Phantoms can possess, take control and slip between the cracks of a person's body, making a puppet of living things to hide from the sun or from crashing waves. But tonight wasn't about that, the thoughts that began to surface as he clambered onto your bed, staying unseen but feeling the soft cloth beneath his fingertips could definitely be explored another day, see how you would feel letting him take control in a more literal sense, to take you body and make you watch as he made it shiver and writhe, call his own name with your lips...
Thoughts for another day. 
But for now, he was going to enjoy the way your eyes twitched behind your lids, paranoid even in your sleep, as the moment he leaned close, gently resting his hand over your mouth, your eyes were open locked on the half mask and white eyes that were watching you. An unnervingly steady gaze that only faltered when he let out a rumbling purr, had you the mind to look down you would have seen the way his hands fumbled with the ties of his pants, would have understood that purr was not at your fear but of satisfaction, having released the pressure his pants had applied to his cock as he grew hard watching you. 
"Shhhh, your so much prettier up close, shivering and shaking, oh so sure you were alone and safe in your home... Did you know that you could never have kept me out? I would have found a way in, oh so many hidden spots to wait in, watch from, savour the sight of you dripping and sighing so nicely as you shower..." 
The hand against your mouth is firm even as the white-eyed shadow leans back, awkwardly shuffling forwards till you could feel his thighs caging your arms, his body weight keeping you pinned to your bed. 
"If you want to enjoy this I woudl suggest keeping your mouth shut, scream and I will most certainly enjoy watching one of my dreams play out, would look so good with my cock down your throat, feel you gag as I steal your voice in another way." 
Sure you had been breathing through your nose, but there was no stopping the way you gasped for air the moment his hand was lifted, panting and shifting to solely breathing through your mouth as the fear you felt gave way slightly, memory prompting you about what you had agreed too. Flicking your eyes down to see how as he spoke his hand had maintained a steady pace, pre cum beading and being swiped away with every flick of his wrist, cock barely more than a half-formed outline in the dark. 
With a shiver and swear you knew he was going to cum, but what you weren't expecting was the weight of his body lifting slightly, fingers hooking in your mouth and pressing on your tongue, leaving your lips to stain and slick with drool from the weight before the feeling of cum hitting your face registered, droplets hitting your chin, across your nose and spreading across your tongue. 
With him so close you could watch as his eyes screwed close, hand working to wring the last of his cum out and bask in the feeling of having actually done this, having played with you like this and gotten away with it, but the real treat was the way his breathing shuddered as you left your mouth open, letting him see the mess of his cum across your tongue moments before you closed your mouth swallowing and cleaning away what he had given you. 
There was a good few moments between that and the moment dropping off, the silence was less scary and more dragging and your arms were beginning to numb under his weight but before something more could happen you tapped his leg twice answering him the moment he muttered your name. 
"Wilbur, off please, I need..." 
"to clean up, I know but please let me just enjoy this a little longer, not every day I get to find a new way to feed my-my little obsession..." 
"Okay, okay, but then clean and cuddles, I think I need it after that, you are surprisingly scary..." 
"Okay, clean up and then cuddles, and... Thank you, for this I-I want to do it again, soon... Definitely soon." 
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acertainsomeone · 4 years ago
Text
Surrendered/ edser TS- continued
Humans should never be blamed for what their heart refuses to believe. It isn't in their hands to blindly trust everything and everyone. Someone whose life was chaotic did not deserve to be pushed more.  We don't punish the ones we love.
"You're giving up on him Dada?" Melo had asked naively.
"Never. I'm giving him that space and time which he deserves." Eda's decision to leave Istanbul wasn't out of impulse. It was purely out of her selfless love for him.
"He wouldn't have left you if he was at your place, Eda." Ceren tried to coerce her friend one last time.
"Biliyorum, but I'm not Serkan. I love him, I love him more than anything therefore, I know that the Serkan standing in front of me does not need me." It was futile to explain to her friends what this meant. Not that she hadn't tried to win his trust, not that she had given up on their love. It was just that she could not see him in pain anymore. Her friends didn't notice the restlessness in his eyes, they did not know about the battles going on between his heart and mind, they had been crushing him, and she feared his breaking down more than hers. She had seen it in his eyes, and she feared he won't be able to take it anymore. She feared that he won't be able to take the load of their past and present. The damage was done already. She hadn't gifted her man to Selin, she had only given their fate a chance to work out this mess all by itself. It was getting hard for her to bear everything anyway. She could not breathe around him, without thinking about her secrets, without breaking down on the very thought of what could have had been.
The decision to start a new life in Paris proved to be a great one. It was much needed for someone like her who barely got space to mourn.
He would have loved it here.
Yes, she hadn't stopped thinking about him. Why would she? Realistically speaking, there weren't any hard feelings between them in the first place. Eda knew that she couldn't hate Serkan. Whatever that had happened between them was no one's fault. His amnesia had nothing to do with him. He hadn't hurt her despite Selin's manipulation. Minus the heartbreak that followed, she was not going to hold him accountable for anything that happened in their lives.
Things she expected from him were the ones that would've been fulfilled by the man she loved, not the one who pulled a fake engagement stunt with her.
Happiness isn't always meant to knock on our doors, the way we want.
There was nothing and no one to forgive, besides Selin. It hurt her that he believed her but Eda had to tell herself that the Serkan, who showed up after 2 months did not remember her, he did not remember them.
There is more to life Eda Yildiz. Love isn't everything. You have a long way to go. 
🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫
At the end of the day, fate is all we have to blame. Sometimes, we are not having control over our decisions or the way life works. If Serkan had, he would have never wanted things to work the way they did now. He would have never wanted to see her cry. He would have done everything in his power to ensure her happiness.
Then why didn't he do that when he had the chance?
Was he too convinced by Selin?
Did he doubt her heart when everything was crystal clear?
Maybe he was confused and shocked.
Maybe he was too scared to accept that he had become something that he could never imagine.
His entire existence had been a question mark for the last eight months. When Selin found him at one of the hospitals in Italy, he wondered that nothing could go worse than this. He was lying lifeless on the bed, unable to move, devoid of memories, struggling to come to terms with what had happened.
Luckily, he survived that nightmare. Selin had helped him get better. He didn't want his parents to worry about him thus, he decided to keep this news in wraps. Selin and Serkan had mutually decided to reveal the truth after he had recovered from the shock.
She had told him strange things, how he signed a contract with Eda to get her back, how Eda manipulated him and changed him as a person. She told him that Eda was responsible for all mishaps in his life. And all of this was a plan. Her plan to avenge the death of her parents. Her grandmother was involved, and when Semiha hanim couldn't destroy him, she planned this accident but fortunately, he survived. Eda was already having half of the shares, and now with Serkan's death, she was going to take over the holding.
If she really loves you why hasn't she made any attempts to find you Serkan?
Where is she?
Serkan believed whatever he was told but after coming back to Art Life, he kept on struggling with his feelings. His eyes deceived the truths he was told about. Six months that he spent with Eda, breathing the same air as hers made him realize that she was anything but treacherous.
She loved him.
She wanted him back.
But did he want her back?
He had been lying to himself. He was 100% attracted to her but equally scared to accept that. 
Too many thoughts, too many fears, he didn't have the courage to ask any of the questions that were in his mind. Maybe that's why she gave up on him, maybe that's why she chose to hide the truth. The truth that matters.
He was afraid to ask. It had been three weeks since he heard her conversation with Erdem, and he hadn't been at peace. He was not going to doubt for a second that the child wasn't his. He didn't bother to ask Erdem about it. Eda decided to hide the truth from him, she had the right to tell him about him.
Did he know about her pregnancy before the accident? If yes, then he will never be able to forgive himself. How could he forget the most important thing in this world? How could Eda forgive him for this? She must hate him. She should.
He was flying to Paris, unaware of the conversation he was going to have. What would he say? Hi Eda, I heard your and Erdem's conversation, so you were pregnant with my child but had a miscarriage, do you mind sharing some details?
He couldn't be this insensitive. She must've gone through hell and the fact that she hid it from everyone until now spoke volumes. Yet, they had to talk.
🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫 
"What the hell!" She gasped in shock to find him standing at her door. She peeked at the sides, just in case Selin was with him, and they came here to kick her out of this apartment. On paper, it still belonged to Serkan Bolat and Eda Yildiz. Selin's influence might push him to do the deed. She could do anything and Serkan couldn't be trusted anymore.
"Hi." Serkan replied half-amused, half confused. What was she looking at? What if she didn't allow me to enter inside? I don't even have an excuse
"Napiyosun Burda"
"Is this how you greet your guests?" he took off his glasses and smiled back at her.
Eda sighed heavily, where are your manners, Ms. Yildiz. She gestured for him to come inside.
"So, what is it?" She asked, handing him a glass of water. He was sitting on the couch, staring at the walls. They were a reflection of his personality and Eda's heart. A mere look at the apartment registered the fact that it was designed by him, and Eda added her touches.
He could identify his work really well. His eye spotted the multiple photo frames. He didn't remember them either. Eda noticed that and became nervous. She hadn't removed or made any changes. Their photographs as decided were still hanging there. She could not dare. Memories aren't meant to be discarded whenever we want. 
"I didn't expect you to be here else-" She hesitated.
"It's okay. I'm sorry if you thought-" He stopped, embarrassed for making her feel that way. He wanted to tell her that she need not feel bad about anything. "Actually, I missed Sirius." he blurts instantly to cover up the tension that brewed between them.
"Benimle dalga mı geçiyorsun?" She exasperated. "Serkan! You can't come to my house whenever you miss Sirius." She made sense. Of all the things that had changed in their lives, it included Sirius's preferences as well. He was happy to have Serkan in his life again, but somehow, he refused to stay with him. He'd refuse to eat and drink if Eda wasn't around. It felt as if he didn't recognize the Serkan, who was not in love with Eda Yildiz.
Therefore, they decided that Sirius would stay with Eda, wherever she was. It did pain Eda because she knew Sirius meant everything to him. And without Sirius, Serkan was left with no one. He can have Selin. She made a mental note but she knew that was her being petty and nothing else.
"I'm sorry. I just-"
"It's okay, I understand but you could've at least informed me that you're coming to see him." Eda blinked in confusion, waiting for his reply but he seemed fazed. He was acting strange, just like the day he came to Art Life.
"It's strange that my dog loves you more than me."
"Serkan- you have no idea what he went through when you were not there for two months. We suffered together, you can't blame him or anyone."
Serkan sighed, staring at her incredulously. He did not know how to muster the courage and ask her about that one thing she hadn't told him. Maybe she thinks that I'm not worthy of it.
"Eda...I- I came to ask you something."
"Harika! Now you're on track, I knew something's off. Listen if it's about this apartment then there's no way I'm giving it to you or Selin." She blurted out in a speed, and he felt the urge to shut her up with a kiss.
"EDA , When was the last time you listened to me properly?" He stressed. "I need to talk to you about something else but can you please stop imagining things." He snapped.
"Tamam. I'll get you something to eat."  
🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫🌫
They had been stealing glances for the last half an hour. Eda had prepared him salmon, while she treated herself with spaghetti. She was not even going to convince him to have some this time. It felt awkward.
"How's your job?" How hard it could be to get to the point Serkan Bolat.
"Great, Paris did me good. I'm loving it here." He nodded at her reply.
Serkan knitted his brows when he saw her taking few medicines. "Are you alright?" He asked out of concern knowing Eda was the last person to take medicines.
"iyim iyim. Nothing serious. These are just supplements." She replied with a shrug
"Whom are you fooling here?" He took the small jar from her hand and looked at her disbelievingly. "Eda, this is for PTSD-associated nightmares."
He searched her eyes for an answer. He wanted her to say something, something that he wasn't ready for, but he knew he was responsible for whatever she was going to tell him, and he wanted to hear it.
"Eda, you can tell me. Whatever it is." He placed her hand above hers and pressed it in an assuring manner. He wanted her to trust him this one instant. His heart was begging for her to put her faith in him.
"Neden?" She pursed her lips in defiance, her eyes accusing him of this interference in her life.
"Maybe because I deserve to know about my child as well." His lips quivered. His eyes were not accusing, they were just pleading helplessly. They were begging to be freed. Eda instantly removed her hand from his, it felt as if someone had hit her head with a spade. She was not ready to have this conversation with anyone, neither Serkan nor her friends. She did not know how he knew about this but he needed to leave immediately.
"Serkan. Git." Tears struggled to leave her eyes but she was stern and strong. He didn't move, instead, he kept on staring at her, in her eyes, still searching for answers. Before he could say something, she left the table and rushed to her bedroom.
Serkan didn't follow her. Was It a mistake to come here?
She is already in pain and he worsened it. He had no right to come back asking for things that he doesn't remember anymore.
Serkan spent the next few hours sobbing and cursing his fate. He needed to apologize to her. She deserved that at least. He had been awful to her; this was the least he could do.
She was sitting on the bathroom tiles, crying to herself. Her eyes were swollen, and it felt as if she was struggling to breathe. Serkan rushed and hugged her immediately. She didn't resist his touch this time.
He embraced her possessively
His immediate touch triggered the volcano inside Eda that was waiting to erupt since that night. The bathroom filled with her cries. They grew louder and louder. She hadn't cried since that night. She hadn't cried when the doctor told her that she lost the only hope, the only possession that she had of Serkan.
She couldn't even mourn her miscarriage
Serkan wasn't stopping her, their tears were mingling together. She said something but it didn't make sense. Eda strengthened her grip on his arm and screamed, remembering the pain she went through that night. If he had been there, he would have never let that happen. He would have protected her from that fall. If only he hadn't left for Italy that. If only she had stopped him. If only. 
"I dreamt that it was a boy." She mumbled amidst her cries.
"Shhhhhh, you'll have another baby" He tried to soothe her and that was the only thing he could come up with in that spur of the moment.
"No, I don't want another baby, I want my baby back, I just want him back Serkan." She cried inconsolably while hitting him on his arm.
Serkan was helpless
-Defeated - Powerless
Was he to be blamed for the pain she was going through?
"I want my child back. I just want him back." Eda mumbled the same words to sleep. She was lying in his arms. She had found her comfort and mourned the anguish that was churning in her heart for the last eight months. Serkan sat on the tiles with Eda in his arms- lifeless.... Unable to decipher the events of his life.
He had no memories. He was going to become a father. He was not around when the mother of his child wanted him the most. And the only reason he was here tonight because-
He did not know.
Was it out of love? Or Was it out of an obligation? Why was he here? 
Did he have any right to touch her? 
Eda and Serkan were at a phase of life where they did not know what would happen next. Their actions were questionable.  There weren't any hard feelings. There was pain. But no one was to be blamed. There was longingness. But It carried broken promises and unsaid words. This night was the longest they had experienced in their lives. It didn't end fast; it was meant to put two hearts at peace.
They did not know how things will go from here. But it's okay, at times you don't have to worry about things that haven't happened yet.
When it gets hard to decide, let fate decide
The rights and wrongs of life
It gets better It gets better  
Note: I hope it managed to do justice to your expectations. Sorry for the mistakes, I'm awful when it comes to proofreading!  Didn't feel like giving this Twoshot a proper ending because at times ends are not meant to be forever. Thank you all for the previous comments, It meant a lot <3 Happy SCK day btw ;)
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tastefullynefarious · 6 years ago
Text
Violent Delights
Chapter 2
Warnings: Still none? Oops.
Word count:  2,018
Note: I’m a little stupid and managed to lose this chapter twice... so like, I wrote this three times, I’m jut sick of it :))) may be a little all over the place. Not sure how well I’ve got across what I wanted... the last time typing this was a drag...
I feel the need to point out that real life Ronnie was bi, so there’s that... also married a few times?
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The night was spent twisting and turning in her bed. She told herself for a moment it was because of the full moon, shining through the windows, but there was no reason to lie like that. Her mind was truly infested with thoughts of the man at the bar, from his fingers that were wrapped on his glass and the way they would look on her skin, to those plump lips of his. Would they be soft, or as hard as the rest of him looked? And his eyes! Damn those eyes, piercing through her until they reached her very naked soul.
She groaned and rolled on her stomach, shoving her face in the pillow. She wondered what would have happened had she stayed just a little bit longer. Would have he approached her? Or wait for her to reach him, pull her into his lap, his hand not discretely at all going under her rolled up dress, along her outer thigh. Sleep hadn't come easy that night.
She was not stupid, she knew who the man was. Anyone who lived in East End London for a couple of month like her would have heard something, anything, about the Kray twins. Some of her neighbors have even met them. Most of the stories weren't pretty though, but that was quite alright, wasn't it? She didn't fancy pretty, she ran away from it. The only thing she was weary about was the persistent rumor that he may not have been entirely into women. Could have she completely misunderstood that look he had given her? It was quite possible his eyes hadn't been on her, but on a young man who may have been seated just behind her, old lovers sharing an all-consuming glance. She might have been just an unwanted spectator, caught in the burning flame of their passion, only to be left behind, ever yearning to bask into that warmth again. At least once more!
There was no way of separating truth from fiction, though there was one thing most agreed upon: Reggie had a heart of gold while Ronnie had no heart at all. And she had known instantly under which brother's stare she had been under, be it from the glasses he was wearing or the fact she had seen Reggie once before, when Ron had been still in prison.
Prison!
She looked at her reflection in her small vanity, already setting her makeup for the night; heavy on the lashes to make her eyes bigger. What was wrong with her? On that afternoon she came to a revelation, a truth she had already known deep down, but didn't want to acknowledge: she was drawn to danger and it was not alright at all. But she couldn't help it. The thought that life wasn't a set of domino pieces, fated to perfectly fall one onto another with precision was intoxicating, it was like pure adrenaline pumped into her veins, instantly painting her small world in vibrant colors. Life wasn't perfect, it had ups and downs, beauty and filth, both equally important.
But these were criminals -gangsters - not some handsoe bad boys who could only hurt her pride by cheating. She liked to think she was fairly smart, and while not as beautiful as those Hollywood babes everyone was raving about, she was at least pretty. Still, she doubted her ability to talk or flirt her way out of a messy situation if any of the powerful men at the club would consider her a nuisance. She could turn up dead come morning, body left somewhere in a ditch, her killer never to be found. 'Such a shame. If only she hadn't left her home town', he papers would read.
So was the high worth the risk?
She slipped into the red dress with ease, the garment now new, but the perfect combination of classy and hot: hem barely passing her knees, long sleeves, but bare back, her favorite style. The problem with that kind of danger was that it was a bit like falling airplanes... or cancer. It was something very scary and very real, that you didn't quite take seriously until it was happening to you. People still traveled by plane and most did little to prevent the disease without reason. She gave herself one last look into the mirror she was ready for the night. Puling a coat over her shoulders and grabbing her purse, Trudy left her apartment with haste, before she could change her mind the millionth time that day.
The air was colder than the night before, a chill running down her spine despite her coat. Each step brought her closer to the club and with each step the excitement was bubbling more and more inside her. Questions were forming and were already replaced with new ones before she could find an answer to any. Would he even be there two nights in a row? If he was, should she approach him? Was that allowed? Should she try being flirty or try the blushing bride card? Just be herself? First things first, she needed a drink.
Ron had put together all there was about the woman by noon, with the help of Teddy. There wasn't much to her: average family, if only slightly above. Father was a war hero, retiring with a nice amount of money, but nowhere near the toppers in London. Mother was the picture perfect brunch-throwing house wife. An older brother, up to make a name for himself as a doctor. A younger sister still in college.
And then there was her, Trudy Walters, small town girl and middle sibling. Average grades in college, average job, set to marry an average guy. No wonder the poor thing ran away and never looked back, her brain was turning to mush from all the boredom. He flipped another page of the file he'd put together, skipping the information of her current whereabouts, address and workplace, his eyes landing on the picture clipped on the corner. She didn't look much, yet there was just something about her that made his thumb caress the black and white cheek.
"Personally, I don't see what's the fuss about her, Ron." Teddy glanced over his shoulder, his usual chipper voice laced with something else. He had the illogical urge to hide the photo away, despite the younger man being the one to have acquired it in the first place. Those pills they were making him take were surely at fault for his inconsistent behavior.
"I want her." The words slipped his tongue without regard and he cursed himself for revealing something so personal, even if it was just to Teddy. Stupid pills!
"Go get her then."
Ron lifted his eyes towards the bar where Teddy had gestured to, and sure enough there she was, almost as if pulled out of the picture, yet infinity more beautiful. That red dress, somehow proper yet still teasing. He wasted little time thinking his next move as he pounced towards his prey, but once before her, he faltered. He was not as charming as Reggie, nor nearly as handsome. Why would a woman like her accept to talk to the likes of him?
"Hello." Never had the greeting sounded more sinful from any lips, he was sure of it. He had the mind to bend her right there over the bar counter and slam right in her. He had to settle for just sitting in the newly vacated chair, the bloke previously there scurrying away when met with Ron's glare. The woman watched him from between her long lashes, waiting for him to reply. What would Reggie say to a pretty thing like her?
"You look lovely."
"And you look dangerous." Despite the accusation, there was still a smile playing on her red lips. "So what does the notorious Ronald Kray want with little ol' me?" 'Make you scream my name while the entire club watches' was the first thought that came to mind. But the way she said his name gave a momentary pause to the lewd images in his head.
"Ah, so you do know who I am."
"And you know who I am from the looks of it." She tapped a manicured finger on the file he hadn't realized he'd brought along. "Should I be scared, mister Kray?"
"Are you scared, miss Walters?" There was a small pause, the corners of her lips straightening just slightly as she thought it through. Her voice came out low, barely a whisper, the last word turning out into more of a gasp than anything else. It sounded divine.
"A little bit, yeah."
"Good, good. It would have been worrisome if you weren't." He had to look away from her, feeling his restraint weakening. Their mum raised both him and Reggie to be gentlemen, but she was so fucking tempting. Not his usual preference, but she wouldn't have been the first woman he had been attracted to, nor the last. Men were just a little harder to break and he did enjoy a challenge. Her voice brought him back to attention, but he still didn't look at her as he signaled the bartender for his usual drink.
"I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage. You seem to know a whole lot about me, yet all I know is your name."
"What would you like to know?"
"Do you enjoy being a gangster?" There was no need to think about the answer, but he did pause. For someone who knew only his name, she sure asked all the wrong questions.
"Fucking love it." She giggled, and it sounded loudly in hie ears, over the music. She had a nice voice, he decided. It was soft and calm, just like the rest of her looked like. She'd break so easily under him, like porcelain.
"Honest, I like that. You should not have to hide who you truly are for anyone, right?" At that, he sharply turned to look at her again, her words burning deep inside his mind. She jumped slightly in her chair as he caught her staring at his lips, her eyes falling on her lap. He smiled a little, as he continued watching her squirm in her chair under his gaze: the way she crossed her legs, the damn dress caught in the motion revealing a bit more skin, her delicate looking hand brushing her hair behind her ear, her cheek flustered red, so much prettier than in the photo. He might have just pulled her to him, hadn't they been interrupted.
"The meeting is starting in the back. Reg is looking for you." Teddy was besides them before he had a chance to reply anything to the woman. Ron considered being late to the damn thing, but how could he let Reggie face those jackals alone? He was entirely too trusting, his brother. He thought of leaving her there at the bar until the meeting was over, but there was no knowing how long or how well it would go. He found himself once more wondering what his twin would have done.
"Right, Teddy, will you see miss Walters gets home alright?" If he had anything against it, the boy didn't show it. If anything, he looked a little smug.
"Sure, Ron. Come on, darling." She got up without question or complaint and without meeting his eyes. His jaw clenched as she walked past him and he thought she wasn't even going go bid him farewell. But she stopped just within arm's reach and turned, her warm doe like eyes pinning him like daggers.
"Until tomorrow then, mister Kray." And then she left the club with Teddy, but for some reason still popped into Ron's thoughts. He wasn't sure how much of the discussion he followed that night, but made a mental note to talk with Reggie about those pills messing with his mind.
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dontreadthistrashgarbage · 5 years ago
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Pt. 4
A.C.E had been armed with their self cams and set free to roam with Minseok, Charlie and Guerin. Charlie was in her uniform and acted as the guide. Throughout the tour of the zoo a few Choice recognized A.C.E and got selfies but nothing of note happened besides Seyoon attempting to communicate telepathically with a Gambian pouched rat after Guerin compared the two visually. He failed and settled for a selfie instead.
Minseok drove all of them back to Beat Interactive in the company van. They spent the drive looking through the selfies and videos that had been taken.
"Jun, I don't remember you taking this picture." Guerin said innocuously, "You look so good though." She handed the phone to Donghun next to her.
"You've never looked better." Donghun grinned, passing the phone along to Chan as Byeongkwan peered from behind with Charlie. The three just laughed before handing the phone to Seyoon. A broad smile erupted across his face as Jun leaned over, confused.
A toadhead lizard on the screen gazed back from the photo. Jun's expression blanked and he turned to stare out of the window as Guerin finally lost her cool and guffawed loudly with Donghun from in front.
"I can see the resemblance." Charlie giggled. Jun's head whipped around to stare in disbelief, "No no in a good way, it's cute!" She defended, covering her face to hide the smile that wouldn't leave.
Jun's head lolled back onto the headrest and he groaned as the van came to a stop. Minseok turned back from the drivers seat, ignoring the chaos of the seven adults and rolled his eyes.
"I've got to grab some work so if you guys want a ride back to the dorm just hang out a bit. Charlie, Guerin, you two are good from here?" He asked.
"Hyung!" Jun's head popped up, "You'd make women walk home on their own?"
"Normally I'd be worried but considering certain company," Minseok gestured obviously toward Guerin, "I'm not sure what help I would be."
Guerin laughed, "We'll be fine, I can take Charlie home and go from there."
"Don't you live in opposite directions?" Chan asked, concerned.
"Yeah but-" Guerin was interrupted.
"That's silly, Jun why don't you walk Charlie home." Donghun suggested.
"Seyoon, you should walk Guerin. We have some work to do but let's just meet up back at the dorm." Byeongkwan added with a shrug. Guerin froze, not wanting to protest since she knew Charlie would love being walked home by Jun but for some reason nervous about being alone with Seyoon. [For some reason, maybe cause he is too attractive for you to function] her evil inner voice called her out.
"That sounds fine." Jun had perked up, looking at Charlie with a smile, who smiled back at him for a moment before looking shyly to the ground. Guerin glanced at Seyoon who was watching Byeongkwan with an indecipherable blank expression. Minseok rolled his eyes again, "Whatever you want, just cover up and call if there's trouble."
Everyone traipsed out of the van and went their separate ways. Guerin had gone with a natural makeup look to avoid standing out again, sticking with a plain black mask and ball cap. Seyoon was still made up from the filming but had slid on a hooded jacket and wore the usual mask.
It was only a fifteen minute bus ride and walk back to Guerin's apartment and it was busy enough that they blended in easily with the crowds of other commuters. They passed the time talking about the zoo with Guerin sharing insights from her past experience with the field. Seyoon was curious but didn't ask for more details.
As they approached her apartment building Guerin glanced up and froze, Seyoon one step slower, looked back at her. She was squinting at the entranceway of a figure leaning against her building next to the door. Seyoon followed her gaze, eyes landing on the still form, head down and hands in pockets. Instinctively he stepped in front of Guerin until he heard her speak.
"Seungbin?" She asked in disbelief. Hearing his name the boy looked up from under his hat, eyes red and puffy. Guerin moved past Seyoon who followed her automatically. As soon as Seungbin looked at Guerin his eyes filled with tears and he walked quickly to meet her, hugging her tightly and crying.
"Noonaaaa." He whimpered through tears. Guerin hugged him back for a moment before pulling back and looking around quickly.
"Oh little one let's get inside so we can talk okay?" She asked, a slight edge of concern to her voice. Seyoon didn't even consider leaving and the three of them went inside. Guerin settled her guests in the living room, brought over bottles of water for everyone then sat down next to the youngest member of HEET. Seyoon was still watching impassively as Guerin put her arm around the hiccuping Seungbin.
"Honey what are you doing here? Are you okay?" She asked him, dabbing at his face with tissues she had brought over. Seungbin tucked his face into her shoulder.
"I missed you Noona. We haven't seen you since the police station." His eyes continued to leak tears onto her shirt and she gave up on the tissue just hugging him and looking a bit misty eyed herself.
"Oh sweetie I know. That was really scary wasn't it?" He nodded into her shoulder, sniffling again. "And you've probably heard of some of the stuff people have been saying haven't you?" She leaned her head against the top of his, making eye contact with Seyoon and wincing. He gestured to show he was okay.
Seungbin pulled back from Guerin, "Those people aren't right! They're spreading lies! And the company won't let us say anything, they're just letting them say those bad things about you!" He said, frustrated and teary. Guerin was touched that he was so moved on her behalf, and also kicking herself for not predicting how much the boys would be by the sudden changes, especially with a lack of information. She turned to face him, crossing her legs under her and taking his hands.
"You're the sweetest, Seungbinnie. I'm so sorry you weren't given more information." She bounced his hands, "I don't know how much I can tell you as far as details go, but I do think I can tell you we aren't doing nothing. For legal reasons we can't share too many details until the prosecution is done with their investigation and we wrap up the case." Seungbin looked up cautiously.
"Does that mean when everything is done you can be our manager again?"
"As of right now me not being a manager is only supposed to be temporary." Guerin said with a small smile and nod. "But part of the reason that I can't be your manager right now is we are concerned someone might try to target me in a misdirected attempt to protect HEET." Seungbin looked upset and opened his mouth to speak but Guerin shook her head, "The most important thing to me is that you boys are safe and taken care of, even if it means I can't be the one to do it."
She let go of his hands, wiping his tears with her thumbs then fixing his hair and pinching his cheeks, which he made an unconvincing effort to pull away from. She giggled and tickled his neck which made him laugh and cringe away, but after a moment he frowned again.
"Noona, does that really mean we can't see you at all? I know all of us miss you, even if they don't all say it like me."
"I don't know. But why don't you let me ask Han Jisoo if maybe we can meet up sometimes inside the company? Would that be okay?" Guerin suggested. Seungbin looked thoughtful then nodded slowly. "Good boy." She patted his head adoringly and he leaned into it with a small smile. "Now I dont know how you got here but let me call the company and get your manager to pick you up okay?"
Seumgbin scowled "Temporary manager." He said with a pout.
"Hey, be nice. Woojin is nice and trying his best. It's not his fault, okay?" Guerin said, tapping his forehead lightly. Seungbin sighed and nodded again.
"Alright, I'll be right back." Guerin excused herself and left to make the call, leaving Seyoon and Seungbin alone. Seungbin took a drink from his water bottle and looked at the still quiet Seyoon who was focusing silently on the coffee table in front of him as he pondered what he had just witnessed. Guerin had looked... well when she was being reassuring and playful it had made his heart race. She was very good at her job and took good care of those around her. He was impressed. Well, maybe not just impressed...
Before he could travel down that train of thought much longer Seungbin spoke up, "Sorry Hyung... did I... interrupt... were you two on a date?"
Seyoon jumped, eyes wide he looked at Seungbin. "Oh, no! A.C.E had a schedule at the zoo with Charlie and Guerin tagged along."
Seungbin frowned, "I'm jealous. You get to spend time with Noona." He paused and crunched the bottle, "You're not trying to steal her as a manager are you? I think I'd prefer if you were dating."
Seyoon choked on the sip of water he had taken and coughed, trying to think of a response. He was saved by Guerin returning.
"Seyoon please don't die in my apartment, I don't think that would look good for my record." She joked, patting him on the back lightly before moving back to Seungbin.
"Young man, you didn't tell anyone you were leaving." Seungbin looked chastised.
"I knew they would try and stop me."
"Everyone was very worried, with everything that's gone on. I told Woojin I'd scold you." She raised her eyebrows, "I don't think the adults are blameless here but will you promise me that in the future you'll tell someone you trust where you are?" Seungbin nodded quietly.
"Okay, I trust you to be safer next time." She ruffled his hair lovingly. "Woojin is coming to pick you up. He also said that for now you can all use his phone to contact me when you want to chat okay? So please don't give him a hard time anymore, he is doing his best and he wants you all to do well."
The three of them spent the time talking about the trip to the zoo, Seungbin making Guerin promise to take them too, before Woojin came to the door for Seungbin. He hugged Guerin tightly before leaving and she kissed the top of his head affectionately before ushering him out. He stopped one more time looking back at Seyoon as though he wanted to say something, then looked to Guerin, sighed, said goodbye and left with his frazzled looking new manager.
"Did you two fight?" Guerin asked, closing the door behind them.
Seyoon shrugged sheepishly, "He's worried about losing you, and you got the spend the day with A.C.E." he selectively shared.
"I see." She nodded, unusually quiet now that Seungbin was gone. She headed back to the living room and collapsed on the couch with a sigh. Seyoon followed awkwardly, not sure if he was also expected to leave and very aware that it was just the two of them in Guerin's apartment. Sitting on the couch next to her he pressed his fingertips together and leaned forward before speaking.
"So... are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah." She replied automatically.
"Noona..." Seyoon said disbelievingly, turning his head to look at her with an expression matching his tone.
Guerin smiled wanly, "Sorry, it's a habit." She sighed and sat up a bit straighter, "I know I can share it's just... gaaaah." She kicked her legs in frustration, "It's hard." Her eyes met Seyoons again and the unconvincing smile returned, "I'm sad." Her eyed welled with tears and she put her arm across her eyes, "I'm so sad. I feel so bad. I was so caught up in everything that I didn't realize how HEET must feel too. I actually agreed that it would be better for them to not know the details of everything."
As Guerin spoke Seyoon tentatively reached his hand to hers, hesitated, then took it gently, soothingly giving it a squeeze and rubbing his thumb against her skin. She twitched at the contact but then squeezed his hand back, "It's so dumb, I know they go on their fan cafe, the vlive and official sns to check comments. I should have known they'd be bothered and upset."
He waited a moment to make sure she was done, grabbed a couple tissues with his free hand, then tugged lightly on her hand, "Sit up."
Guerin peeked at him from under her arm, eyes red and face streaked with tears. She pulled her mask back up then went along with him. He raised an eyebrow and gave a classic Seyoon smirk before pulling it down right away, when she started to protest he just put the tissue in her mouth and reached for another.
"No d- pppbbbtt! what the hell?" She laughed in shock, pulling the tissue out of her mouth.
"You don't have to hide your face." He responded simply, turning back to her to Dan her face, "I can't wipe your tears if it's all covered anyway."
She stared at him in disbelief before laughing again, shoving his hand away and taking the tissue from him, swiping at her own face, "You're such a weirdo."
"You're the one eating tissues." He countered with a mischievous grin.
"Oh you little-" she grabbed the box of tissues and moved as if to hit him with it. He laughed and raised his hands to block her, finally dropping his hold on her since he had reached out. She tsked at him and dropped the box, "I can't hurt you, you need your pretty face to make a living."
He shot finger hearts at her and she fell back, clutching her heart, "No stop, it's too cute! Aaahhh..."
"I win." He stated proudly with a wink.
"Enough enough, I'm weak and fragile right now." Guerin protested, sitting up again straining as though she was out of energy.
"Noona..." Seyoon began, pausing to take her hand again. She looked down at it and back up at him, surprised and confused. What was he doing this for? This prolonged contact with him was pleasant but torturous at the same time. Was he just being comforting, is this what he is like with everyone? Her thoughts raced right along with her heartrate.
"You did your best. Even if things didn't turn out perfect, they'll be okay now. And next time you have more information to make a better decision. Don't be so hard on yourself. You did good." He squeezed her hand once more then reached up to pet her head reassuringly. She flinched when he reached up initially but as his hand lingered for a moment she leaned her head into the affectionate pat, eyes closed with a satisfied smile.
"Thanks Seyoonie." She mumbled. As her eyes opened their gazes met again and the intimacy of the contact struck them like an embarrassing memory from a decade ago while you're trying to sleep. Guerin sat up straighter and pulled away while Seyoon dropped his hand and faced forward again.
"Ah, I've kept you late. You probably need to head back." Guerin stood up abruptly.
"Oh... oh yeah, probably." Seyoon said sounding noncommittal. He stood more slowly and Guerin led the way to the door.
"Thanks for walking me home, and... thanks for hearing me out again." She smiled, embarrassed, looking down as she opened the door and leaned against it.
"You can talk to me any time." He shrugged. "Unless it's about your weird tissue eating habit I dont want to hear about that." Guerin let out a scoff at the wrong moment as he managed to poke another tissue into her mouth, "Bye!" He turned and trotted down the stairs quickly as she spat the tissue out again.
"WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS!" she laugh yelled after him before remembering neighbors existed and shut up, closing her door quietly.
"You've never been to karaoke?" Jun asked Charlie in disbelief.
She shrugged as they walked next to each other toward her apartment, "I'm no singer, and it's different in the states. Most places are just in front of a whole bar and not private rooms..." she trailed off.
"You should try it though! It's fun! Even people that aren't good at singing can have fun with karaoke with the right friends." Jun turned so he was walking sideways to face her.
"Easy for you to say, you have an incredible voice." She protested.
"You think I'm a good singer?" He beamed from under his mask proudly, now walking backwards slightly in front of her.
"You're a professional singer of course you sound amazing. And dancing-" she stopped herself, not wanting to admit to perusing a few fancams she had watched since they had met.
"Dancing?" His eyebrows raised and his eyes glinted, "You've seen me dancing? When?"
"I- yeah. I mean... yeah there's... you just had a comeback and I liked your music so-" Charlie stammered as she cast around for the words that wouldn't be awkward, but his focused gaze on her and his smile even when it was hidden had her distracted. Fortunately an obstacle gave her the subject change she needed.
"Watch out!" She cried out in English, grabbing his arm and yanking him toward her. By walking backwards he had almost backed into a streetlight. His startled expression was easy to see as he recovered from the sudden interruption. He looked at the offending street lamp, then down to Charlie and decided that given the proximity between them her rescue had significantly decreased, maybe it wasn't so offensive afterall.
Her eyes met his for a moment before she blushed and looked away, "Sorry... you should watch where you're going though."
"You saved me!" He cooed and moved to stand next to her, closer than before.
"Yeah and I shouldn't have to, you're a grown man." She tsked at him, trying to play it cool but very aware at how his closeness as they walked meant their hands kept idly bumping each others.
"That's true. I am a grown man." He said simply. The implication of his statement made her pulse race and her blush linger and she could only hope he didn't notice.
He did notice. But he was nice enough to not say anything about it.
"Sooo... My members and I were thinking of going to karaoke later this week. You should come experience it." He tried for casual, "Maybe Guerin can come too if it would make you feel better." He added as she hesitated.
"...Yeah. It could be fun." She agreed, trying not to give away how eager she was to be making future plans with him. She giggled as he bounced happily beside her, a big grin on his face, "But I am not going to promise to sing, I'll just listen to you professionals."
"I won't make you do anything you don't want to!" He promised, grinning. Their hands brushed against each others again.
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reasonsichanged · 3 years ago
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k
K for kiss, K for killer/killing/killed.
Too much has happened and I don't know what to say. A lot to process. Maybe it's okay there's a distance between a parent and a child, but in creating that, I end up knowing them more than I ever wanted to. I know there's a whole iceberg under the surface of what I've heard, but I want that to remain hidden for now. I'm pushing it out of my mind aside from the casual Facebook search -- what was her name? Terry? Cindy? A frumpy name attached to a fat mom of the ugliest son I've ever seen. She hasn't shown up; there's no information aside from a few photos she isn't tagged in. Maybe my whole life -- and their marriage -- would be different if he hadn't gone to that one football game.
And my life has been great: trips, dinners, concerts, games, laughter, company. One thing after another. I feel guilty to share fun plans knowing mom is probably being eaten up inside. But I'm still staying away and skirting the edge of everything. Life is still mainly normal, but it's a new distance, the same wide gap that college brought where I was so excited to video call without wanting to seem like it over the webcam. I wanted to tell them everything -- and I still do, but it's different now. It's okay if I don't; I don't know what reaction I could want from them beyond something genuine, but those don't exist. Dad asks lengthy questions just to hear himself speak and mom tosses out conversation-ending phrases: "that's great" "it sounds like you had a good time" "I'm happy to hear it". Either disinterested or lacking the skills to hear more.
I remember writing "mom only talks to me when she wants something from me" a long time ago, and that still feels true. It was rare when we talked about something that was not a task or an instruction, however vague ("I liked that movie" "you should rent it tonight"/"I'm happy I saw my friends today" "you should see if they want to visit you sometime"). This was all written down before, but it still perplexes me. There weren't any questions about who I was and what I liked. That's why dad's attention felt so important until I realized he was asking questions because he liked to create those turns of phrases and show off to himself. Deep down is someone who is deeply concerned with his sense of logic, which is really just his sense of self: someone who didn't care as much wouldn't have tried to shame me in front of others or been purposefully obstinate to prove a point and protect that fragile logical framework. But now I'm just focusing on negatives because he's already a negative in my mind; I was worried about moving away someday when I was sure he would be sadder and lonelier as he got older, but now the case is that he's disappeared.
But where do I go from here? Already C is such a stable presence. I feel safe. I'm just here moving forward, despite everything, and shoving to the back of my mind that the kind of despair I felt for a decade is probably what mom is going through. The anxiety and shaking, planning out texts letter by letter (though maybe not that), the snooping when I knew I shouldn't, the constant confiding in others because I can't sit with myself and be still when my brain is running in circles. The empathy can't turn into guilt. I tried to set a boundary and it didn't work; "your dad is keeping a lot of secrets," "so that's how he's been communicating with..." "things haven't been right since the football game in October." Desperately trying to share details like a child, "look at me!" Would I do the same?
I think so much about parenthood and dream about it all the time. Those unforgiveable things that created that divide and widened it over and over again until it was a chasm in which I stayed away from the edge. And at first there was discomfort with the edge, but now it just doesn't exist; there's a fence around it and I'm not asked to look through it often. I was worried I might be asked to jump into the thick of it. But it's still the same. Mom called yesterday sounding sad and perhaps had something to tell me, but I felt slightly nervous as a result and talked straight through it until dad came home and she hung up. I can't be responsible for asking her if she needed anything, can I? Am I doing a bad job as a child?
I texted to L that this has always been a weak point of mine: feeling obligated without the obligation ever taking place. Maintaining bad friendships; staying in relationships with bad people. Thinking I should meet their needs before they can even think to ask them, because they'll appreciate me more as a result. But even if I can predict that someone wants something, it isn't my duty to act on it. I can pretend that I don't think C needs a special thank-you card for doing an activity I wanted to do more than he did. I can pretend that I didn't think I needed to get the dog a new toy because she didn't have any new ones for a while. If I think it, it's as if it becomes reality -- the dog really is terribly under-stimulated, C is on the brink of feeling unappreciated and undervalued and ending our relationship until the card saves the day. But I can take up a little space. I can act in ways that don't cater to needs I only imagine people feeling. And I want to write "And I can be a bad person sometimes," but I'm not so sure that's true -- either the real "being a bad person" or whether I really feel that way.
Why does not doing the kind thing feel just as bad as doing the bad thing?
I've stopped participating in the group chat as much, and when there are comments like "if I die from this last beer, just know I love you all," I know they don't pertain to me. That shock is still there, but gone a little because I've stopped on my terms... maybe. I'm still glossed over. I don't contribute. And in virtual D&D, I presented an idea for our team and I was passed over as if I hadn't said anything at all; not acknowledged. And C didn't remember it, so maybe there are times in which I think I do things and really don't do them at all. Like saying words to a group of people talking and feeling them just disappear like wisps of smoke into the air. And how I talked to mom and she talked over me about something else entirely, and I asked if she heard me and she kept talking about the first thing as if I had responded to her normally.
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booyoubatch · 3 years ago
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Y/N ROUTLEDGE PART 2
HERES PART 2 OF MY FIRST FANFICTION EVER
The days leading up to the incident weren't good ones. You had hit the peak of your heartbreak, slugging around the house eating icecream and avoiding everyone to your best ability. John b had had enough of seeing you this way.
"Y/n we need to talk" he came into the loungeroom of the chateau, eyes on you on the couch with your feet up on the coffee table. You wore an oversized black band muscle-tee and some denim shorts.
"What is it?" You barely whispered, digging back into your chocolate mint icecream that was sadly almost empty.
"You love JJ" He simply said coming to sit next to you. You immediately froze, placing the empty carton of icecream on the table Infront of you.
"I see it in the way you look at him, we all do. " He tried again, trying to get some sort of verbal confirmation out of you. He played with the end of his Hawaiian themed shirt, a nervous habit he had picked up.
"No, no I don't" you lied through your teeth, looking past John b, out the window to the lake outside watching the sunrise. You could never look someone in the eye when you lied. It's how everyone knew you were lying, your telltale.
“ why can't you just be honest with me? with yourself? “ John b questioned you, sitting beside you and grabbing your hands. He was hurting watching you fall apart and not knowing how to help you. He had discussed it with Sarah and Sarah had told him that you needed some time but he couldn't just sit there and do nothing.
"Because I just can't. Have you seen the way he looks at kie" you accidently let slipped, sighing to yourself, your ring on your hands suddenly becoming the most interesting things in the world. The one on your right hand ring finger JJ had brought you for your 16th birthday. It was silver, fake silver but still. It was your most prized possession. He had told you it was a promise ring, to be best friends forever.
John b couldn't believe his ears, he wanted to shout at you 'have you seen the way he looks at you' but he knew it wasn't his place. He had spent the last few days hearing JJ go on and on about how he missed you and wished you would just talk to him. About how he really cared about you but could never let you know for he felt he wasn't good enough, that he was just some abused broken boy with anger issues.
“ look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love him, then and only then will I drop this" John b crossed his arms tapping his foot waiting for your answer, two of the most important people in his life loved each other but wouldn't admit it and he was tired of it.
Your head fell down further looking at the cold floorboards as if they were the most interesting thing ever not giving him an answer, slightly angering him.
“ you can't lie to me, you know. you can try but, your eyes will always tell the truth. I know you inside and out" he shook his head, lifting your head to look him in the eyes as if he was searching for all the answers in them. You loved your brother so much, you two had been through everything together. Through thick and thin you used to say, but how thick of a situation could you honestly put him through cause this was a big one.
"you can't keep doing this. you can't keep lying to yourself and pushing your feelings away, you need to tell him" was the last thing John b groaned as he got up and stalked angrily outside leaving you to your thoughts.
"He's not wrong" kie startled you, coming into the house through the front door. You loved kie, she was your best friend but right now you just couldn't look at her. You would question why you couldn't be her, why you couldn't be as pretty or as funny or as kind or as skinny or.. or... Well you could go on and on. Without looking up from the floor you made you way to your bedroom locking the door behind you. You slid down the door, knees to your chest. Your eyes met the small frame on your bedside table. The photo was of you And JJ in a hammock laughing at something that he said as he was smiling down at you. What you couldn't see though was the admiration in his eyes. You remember that day as if it was yesterday.
You do love JJ, always have always will. But you just couldn't. Why did John b always have to try to push you when you knew what was right. Your forehead fell onto your knees as a sob escaped your mouth. Tears began rolling down your face as your tried to be silent. You couldn't. No matter how hard you tried. Your loud sobs echoed throughout the house to the backyard where John b was sitting on the couch. He sighed, throwing his head back against the wall. Pope looked sympatheticly at John b, knowing it would be tough for him to be sitting here listening to his sister cry knowing she needed space instead of being in there with her,
"she will come around, they both will" he had said encouragingly while also hoping. He wanted his best friend, you, to be okay and to come hang out with them again. He missed your random facts and sharing nerdy jokes. Kie came out, placing her hand on his shoulder. She herself had been very upset with how you were acting, she didn't understand why you couldn't utter a single word to any of them but especially avoided her and JJ.
"They need to tell each other" she thought out loud. The boys nodding in agreement.
about an hour later your sobs had stopped and John b had headed off to his fishing trip with ward. You were supposed to go too but John b made up an excuse saying you were sick. Kie , pope and sarah began working on the system to get the gold, JJ having been at work during this whole incident suddenly arrived at the chateau.
"Hello? Anyone home?" His voiced echoed throughout the house. Your ears picked up his voice and quickly raised from the floor, checking that you locked your door. You couldn't look him in his eyes and you know that this is the first place he would look for you or your brother.
You were right, JJ knocked on your door. A sad look upon his face. He missed you, he didn't know why you were avoiding him and was willing to fix whatever he had done.
"Y/n, please talk to me" he pressed his forehead against the door, looking down at his shoes. You stayed silent, forehead placed against the door on your side. If the door wasn't there you two would be standing forehead to forehead in a romantic embrace.
"You've been avoiding us for a while now, please just come out and talk to me. I promise to listen like I always do. I promise please baby, just come out" tears slowly leaked from his eyes making their way down his bruised cheek. He placed his hand against the door, just wanting to be near you or to touch you.
"I.. I can't" you whispered back hoping he didn't hear you but he did. His head sprang off the door, a sad smile on his face from just hearing your voice.
"Hey baby, there's that pretty voice I love so much. Please let me in so I can hear more of it. We don't have to talk about what's wrong, we can talk about anything" he begged. "Anything" he whispered under his breath, hoping. You were considering opening the door when JJs confused voice said
"John b what are you doing?" Your eyebrows raised in confusion. Not hearing a reply back from John b you slowly opened the door. What you saw shocked you, John b had a gun walking out of the house ignoring everyone. You chased after him
"John b!" You called, he turned to you after sitting on JJ's bike, starting it.
"Ward killed dad" was all he said as he sped off.
Everyone's head turned to you, you avoided their eyes running to the Twinkie. JJ quickly got in the van as you drive off. You groaned just wanting to be alone.
"Y/n, we need to stop him. As much as I want ward dead we need to stop him." He made his way up to the front, climbing into the passenger seat. His eyes searching your face he hadn't seen it in awhile and he missed it. He could see your red swollen eyes and he felt sick to the stomach knowing that you had been crying and he couldn't be there for you.
You kept your eyes on the road, praying that John b was okay and that JJ would just leave you alone.
"Y/n, please talk to me" JJ grabbed your hand that wasn't on the wheel, playing with your fingers. He loved holding your hand, he felt safe and secure, little did he know you felt the same way too.
It felt nice holding his hand for a second before you quickly pulled away. His eyebrows shot up in confusion, since the day you met you two have always held hands to comfort the other or simply just to be touching each other.
"Okay that's it, what have I done? Why are you avoiding me?" What you hadent realised was JJ was suffocating inside too. Not knowing why his crush was hating him. He was starting to get angry, wanting you to just do anything. Yell at him for all he cared as long as you were okay with him after. You had never gone this long without talking to him, infact even when you were mad at him you would just tell him off straight away and usually he would correct himself.
"I don't want to talk, just let me be" you let out angrily, angry at yourself for feeling this way when you knew it wasn't his fault. You wished you could vent to him about boy trouble if only he wasn't the boy. You wish you could cuddle up to him and just cry everything away.
JJs shoulders fell as he stared out the window thinking of the good times you used to have together, wishing you could continue to have more
The wind blew heavy as the waves became more vicious. But yet you and JJ sat on your surfboards attempting to ride some waves. After a while you both gave up and decided to sit on the sand.
"You killed it out there" JJ laughed as he plopped his board on the sand
"I know I know I'm just the best" you giggled plopping yours down next to his
"Yeah you are" JJ whispered under his breath, watching you take a seat on your board pulling his shirt over your head. He thought you looked absolutely breathtaking in his clothes and he loved when you stole them from him.
"Isn't that my shirt?" He joked sitting next to you and slinking his arm around your shoulders. You layed your head on his shoulder laughing slightly
"hmm nah it's mine now"
You both watched as the sun began its descent into the ocean
"One day, I'll become full kook and we can have our own place out there" JJ dreamt,
"We will surf all day and eat seafood all night" you added in, picturing you and JJ on an island free from any worries.
"One day" he agreed looking down at you, the oranges from the sunset dancing upon your face with a smile on your lips.
You and JJ looked arrived at the Cameron residence a few seconds before Kiara and pope arrived on the boat.
You rushed over to pope who was looking through binoculars
"I see ward" he informed
"Let me see" you took the binoculars off him and peaked through sure enough he was there and that's all you needed to know. You rushed back to the Twinkie and sped off. This Time without JJ.
You found John b instantly, sitting on the warf holding a tiny boat made of twine that had a picture of your dad in it.
"John b" you yelled rushing over to him. You collapsed down beside him and he pulled you into his arms, crying.
You both sat there embracing each other, crying and looking at the picture of your dad. The picture had been taken by you, you loved photography. Your dad hated having his picture taken but for you he would have done anything. He loved to make his little princess happy as she was the one that would invest into his work with him.
"Goodbye dad" John b whispered as you kissed your two fingers, pointer and ring finger, placing it on the picture as If giving him a kiss.
"Goodbye"
You both watched as John b placed it on the water letting it float away into the darkness.
"Promise me" John b started not taking his eyes off the tiny flame in the distance, you hmm'd as a response still trying to take everything in. In less than a year you have lost a lot. You lost your father, then you lost JJ and now you know that your father is dead for real. Everything just came crashing down and it felt like you couldn't breathe.
"Promise me you'll never leave me" his eyes finally met yours and you nodded
"I promise"
Little did you know, that promise would have to be broken.
And that ladies and gentleman is part 2! Part 3 will be coming shortly
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