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So I wrote this tonight as I'm lying in bed feeling anxious. Trigger warning: it's about anxiety.
I hate when people say "I have anxiety" just because they are anxious about ONE thing!
Anxiety isnt just being scared of something, hell no.
Anxiety is random bad thoughts in your head, even when your so happy, that cause your heart to race a million miles an hour and your breath to quicken. It's feeling like your stuck in a box and the only thing in there with you is the triggering thought. Every time you try to take a breath it feels like the box is getting smaller and smaller until theres no room to escape and suddenly you can't breath.
It's clutching your throat or a pillow, trying so hard to calm down but you can't. You can't run from your thoughts. It's wanting to rip your skin off so hopefully you can escape your own body. Because you feel so trapped. It's being aware of the triggers and trying to run far away, but the thought is attached to you and just follows along. You can't run far but you can try.
It's tiring and it's scary. It feels like nothing could ever get better. Like this is it, the thought and you are stuck like two magnets, never being able to pull apart.
Or sometimes it's simply picking at your nails until they bleed or biting your gum until you taste the metallic. It's bouncing your knee or your foot, unable to keep still.
Anxiety is not being able to get up to throw out rubbish because you don't want to disrupt or annoy anyone. It's trying to lower your laugh because you know it's loud and you don't want to be annoying. It's trying to talk in a whisper, in fear you are actually yelling.
Or somedays it's a huge smile on your face and cracking a few jokes even though inside you feel so dark and hollow.
It's putting on a brave face even though you just want to lay in bed and sleep every day away but yet you don't want to miss out on what's going on in the world.
Anxiety is being constantly told that you should just face the triggers and get over it. As If you haven't already tried that.
Anxiety isn't just "oh Im scared" but oh my, did I wish it was.
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MIDSUMMERS a Rafe cameron fanfic smut
Being Rafe camerons girlfriend wasn't easy especially because I was a pouge. To be more specific JJ's twin sister. Of course this meant that our relationship had to remain a secret. Rafe always treated me like a queen... Or a slut if we were in bed...
Today was midsummers and JJ and I had to deliver a letter for John b to Sarah.
"okay look I need you two to get this to Sarah " he had told us as he gave us a folded up piece of paper. JJ and I had teased him about it before fixing our disguises. Me in a baby blue silk dress that hugged all the right places and JJ in a tux looking like a waitor.
"you go left I'll go right. Meet back up in 20 near the dance floor." JJ had told me before walking off. The left was the house, so up the stairs I went. I was looking around when I laid eyes on Rafe talking to topper. My god did he look fucking hot. He wore a light blue suit with his hair gelled back. I bit my bottom lip as I took him in, fuck I would love to be on my knees Infront of him right now. Rafes eyes moved away from topper and he saw me. His eyes widened a bit as he moved them up and down my body. I saw him tap topper shoulder as if excusing himself. He moved his head towards the building as if telling me to go in to meet him. Sarah could wait. I walked inside, smiling at people that I walked pass trying to fit in. I made it to the men's bathroom and was glad no one else was in there. Still facing my back to the door I heard it opened then close and then lock before I felt arms snake around my waist.
"what are you doing here?" Rafe spoke huskily, placing a delicate kiss to the crook of my neck. I moaned slightly not answering him.
"you come here dressed like this and expect me to not want to bend you over and fuck you?" Rafes hands traveled down my hour glass figure. Before coming back up and cupping my boobs in his large hands. I moaned again, loving the feel of his hands on me.
"are you trying to tease me, do I need to teach you a lesson?" He asked as he gripped my boobs tighter, it hurt but I loved it.
"mm yes please daddy" I begged, moving my ass to grind against his crotch.
"such a naught girl" he nibble on my ear lobe as he spoke, one hand leaving my boobs and travelling down my stomach.
"I should bend you over and spank that pretty ass" he continued to tease as his hand got closer and closer to my pussy over my dress. I grinded my ass against him again.
"so do it" I told him as his hand skipped over the one place I needed him. He placed his hand on the bottom of my dress, yanking it up so it sat around my waist.
"you want me to punish you baby?" He chuckled darkly, toying with the band of my panties. "you want me to finger you until you cum?" He shoved my underwear down uncovering my pussy.
"mmm please rafe" I begged and he cupped my pussy. His cold rings pressing against my slit.
"what was that?" He hissed,
"sorry daddy" I apologised,
"you better be slut" he suddenly shoved two fingers into my hole.
"mm already so wet for me" he chuckled, removing his fingers before shoving them back in. I bit my lip, moaning quietly.h he continued moving his fingers in and out of my hole, hitting my g-spot every time. His cold rings touching the outside of my hole turning me on even more.
"who's pussy is this?" Rafes hand that was still on my tit squeezed harder as his other hand continued finger fucking my hole making me squirm against him.
"yours daddy" I moaned out as he started to use his thumb to rub my clit. I reached behind me and grabbed rafes crotch, moving my hand up and down slightly. I felt myself getting closer to orgasming and suddenly rates fingers were gone. He grabbed my waist, turning me around before lifting me and placing me on the bench between two sinks. He spread my legs before taking a step back. He watched the way I was panting and my pussy glistened with my wetness.
"you're so fucking sexy" Rafe pulled out his cock, starting to jerk himself off. I moved my hand down to rub my clit and Rafe immediately grabbed my hand pulling it away
"what have I told you about touching yourself?" He warned me and I nodded
"not to touch myself and if I feel the need, to get you to" I answered him
"for that, get on your knees" he pointed to the floor Infront of him and I did as told, getting off the bench and getting on my knees Infront of him. He pulled his pants down with his boxers letting it pool around his ankles.
"open up" he told me as he stroked his thumb against my bottom lip. I did as I was told and opened my mouth. Rafe immediately gripped my hair into a makeshift ponytail before shoving his cock all the way in my mouth. I gagged on his huge length. He pulled out and did it again and again as I swirled my tongue around him.
"such a good slut" he was groaning as he used the makeshift ponytail to fuck my mouth. I moved my hand to cup his balls and he groaned even loud, fucking my mouth fast.
"you're gonna swallow every last drop of my cum" he ordered as he continued making me gag on his dick. He pushed his whole length in my mouth before he came, it squirting all the way down my throat. He pulled out of my mouth, pulling my hair to stand me up.
"show me" he ordered and I stick out my tongue showing him I swallowed it all. He shoved his tongue in my mouth, kissing me. He gripped my tits over my dress before pulling it down. He pitched my nipples and I moaned in his mouth. He sucked on my tongue, swirling his around mine all while playing with my nipples. He pulled away from my mouth, attaching his mouth to my left nipple. He began sucking and nibbling while toying with the other one. I moaned, gripping his hair. He swapped to my other boob playing with the one he had sucked sucked. He began walking me backwards while he nibbled at it. He lifted me on the bench not taking his mouth off my tit, he reached down between my legs and began rubbing my clit fast. I moaned arching my back, wanting more. He pulled away from my nipple, getting on his knees Infront of me, yanking me forward so my ass was at the very end of the bench. He placed my legs over his shoulders before licking a long strip up my pussy. I moaned, gripping his hair in my hands. He began licking and sucking at my clit, I gripped his hair a bit tighter as my back lifted up off the bench.
"mm fuck right there" I moaned as he shoved two fingers inside of me hitting my g-spot while he continued sucking on my clit. He curled his fingers inside me, rubbing against my g-spot as he began nibbling on my clit. It was like he was eating his last meal ever. He looked up at me as he continued eating me out he hummed against my pussy and that's all it took for me to be extremely close to cumming. He moved his fingers out and licked down to my hole before shoving his tongue inside.
"fuck.. daddy" I moaned as he moved his tongue in and out, tongue fucking me.
"daddy can I cum?" Rafe always made me ask for permission to cum, sometimes he would allow it and sometimes he would edge me for another 20 minutes.
"cum baby" he granted it before shoving his tongue deeper inside me. I let go, cumming on his tongue. He slurped it all up before licking my pussy clean. He stood up, fixing his pants and I whined wanting more
"you want more huh slut? Can't get enough of your daddies cock?" He teased, pulling his cock back out, I nodded my head watching as his cock hardened back up, his vein now coming through.
"words" he told me
"yes daddy I want your cock" I begged and he pulled me down off the bench, turning me around he made me lean over the bench
"you're gonna watch as I fuck you" he ordered as he looked at me through the mirror.
"yes daddy" I let him know I understood as I felt his cock rub against my entrance before plunging in. I moaned loudly and Rafe groaned before pulling out and shoving back in. I watched him the mirror, the way his left hand held my waist and his right hand came down to smack my ass hard. I moaned as he made eye contact with me, pounding in and out of my cunt at a fast speed. His hair was messy due to me pulling on it and he had little balls of sweat on his forehead. His mouth was in a smirk as he was groaning.
"you're so fucking tight" he groaned, slapping my ass again as he quickened up his speed. He grabbed my hair pulling me to stand up right. I leaned my head back against his shoulder and his hand wrapped around my throat.
"such a good slut" he kept repeating as he thrusted in even deeper making me moan so loudly I had to cover my mouth. He chuckled darkly as he did it again. I felt my eyes roll back in my head.
"so fucking sexy" he brought the hand that wasn't choking me down to my pussy and began rubbing my clit as his cock kept hitting my g-spot.
"fuck. Fuck.fuck" I moaned as I came on his dick.
"I'm gonna fill you up" Rafe groaned as he came inside me, sending three rough and fast thrust before He pulled out, fixing himself up before fixing me up.
"I love you" I turned around to face him, my face all red and hair messy.
"I love you too" he kissed my lips
"I want to fuck your ass so bad" he groaned slapping it, I bit my lip feeling myself get wet all over again. He spun me around, my ass against his crotch
"I want to feel your tight ass stretching from my cock baby" he begged
"I.. I can't" I moaned knowing JJ will be looking for me
"sure you can baby" he spread my ass cheeks, grinding His cock against my ass. He pushed me down on the sink, pulling my undies down
"mm baby, JJ's waiting for me" I tried to get him to stop even though I didn't want him to
"mmm please baby I just want your ass" he moved his fingers between my legs
"you're already wet for me" he chuckled scooping up some of my wetness and moving to rub it against my asshole.
"baby" I moaned "we can't" I gasped as he shoved his middle finger into my ass. It wouldnt be the first time we had down anal but I knew right now wasn't the right time.
"I don't see you stopping me " he was right. I wasn't stopping him cause I wanted it so fucking badly
"fine" I agreed, gripping the bench under me. I watched in the mirror as Rafe smirked big before rubbing the tip of his cock against my asshole. He was about to plung in when there was a knock at the door.
"are you fucking kidding me" he groaned standing up and fixing himself. I pouted, fixing my self
"don't think this is over. We are so fucking at mine tonight" he kissed my cheek and I knew he wasn't lying. He was going to fuck my ass as soon as I got to his. And I was very happy with that thought
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Does anyone know if Nicholas Cirillo (Barry) has Instagram cause I can't find it
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Does anyone know if Nicholas Cirillo (Barry) has Instagram cause I can't find it
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Y/n Routledge part 3
You sat leant against the wooden pole on the dock. Kiara sitting ontop of the hand rail and JJ sitting near her. John b laid on the deck beside you. JJ had tried to get your attention but realised now wasn't the greatest time.
"Are you sure he got everything?" Kie asked, still in disbelief.
"Every bar every-" you cut him off as you slapped his leg watching him take off his cast
"It's not like I expected a happy ending or some shit" he groaned continuing his sentence. You sighed sadly, grabbing his hand to comfort him.
"John b" Kiara also noticed his now removed cast.
"What girls?" He groaned again
"It's a hairline fracture, who cares"
You rolled your eyes "you should care" was your reply at his statement, dropping his hand.
JJ looked over at you, smiling sadly. He remembered when you worried about little things like that about him. He took a deep hit of his joint looking back out at the lake.
"It's fine see" he wiggled his fingers at you.
"Guys!!" Pope ran to you all dressed in his professional clothes. You scrunched your eyes in confusion
"I ran all the way here" he bent over breathing heavily.
"You alright?" You whispered softly actually worried about him
"How was the interview pope" JJs snide remark earnt him a glare from you. He saw your glare and was even shocked you were looking at him.
"JB, y/n. I'm sorry guys about everything . But I don't have a lot of time" he started, John muttered a 'its fine'.
"I have information that is tactfully relevant" you giggled slightly before covering it with a cough. Pope and his extravagant words. JJ caught that giggle you tried to cover and a smile lit up his face. He missed that sound.
"Before my interview my dad said he was going down to the air strip to cut palms, for Cameron's big plane because it was too heavy and it needed more room to take off. So I'm there sitting in my interview thinking to myself " pope began pacing back and forth, your eyes following his every move.
" 'hmm why would Cameron need a longer air strip to take off' "
John b sat up slowly,
"What could be so heavy to weigh it down"
Everyone slowly sat up straighter suddenly coming to realise
"Gold" JJ says out loud voicing all our thoughts.
"Exactly!" Pope points at JJ, you and John b look at each other in shock.
"Guys, this is our chance but It leaves tonight and we have to go" pope gave a pep talk, all of you starting to get excited.
"Guys we can't give up now" kie got off the rail as JJ said
"What's the plan, I'm in"
"We're gonna steal that shit back" you stood up, everyone's eyes on you not expecting to hear much from you. Everyone smiled and JJ looked proudly at you envisioning the future on the island that you guys had spoken about.
"Let's do this" pope laughed pulling you into a hug. You hugged him back as the others joined in too.
"Come on guys" Kiara was the first to pull away, all of you running towards the Twinkie.
You all climbed in, hooting "kook" and laughing. You sat in the passenger seat, happy for once. Maybe after all this you could talk to JJ about your feelings get it all out in the open and figure things out. JJs eyes was glued to the back of your head, happy that you were out of your room.
Pope and kie shared a look after seeing JJ's longing stares.
John b looked over at you, proud that you were by his side and happy to see a smile on your lips that he hadn't seen for a while.
"We will go in there guns are blazing make them beg for mercy and get as much gold as possible and get the hell out of there" JJ began planning, you looked back at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Send that shit right down the inner coast" John b joined in, making you turn your questioning look to him
"Wait for the weather" Kiara piped up, snapping your head over to her
"And head to Cuba" pope finished, you seriously think they have gone insane. But oh well you have too
"Cuba?" You giggled.
"Nah man schlatt, jewel of the ukatan" JJ voiced your thoughts
"Lobsters so thick" he continued
"juicy mangos" you groaned thinking about all the mangos you would get your hands on. JJ smiled at you and you smiled back. Already have gone over these plans with each other. The three other pouges shared a look.
Your eyes were still on JJ his on yours until John b turned up the music and you all started getting riled up with excitement.
You pulled up at a chain gate, slightly feeling a little nervous and like maybe the plan wouldn't go as expected.
"What's the plan?" Kie asked as you all got out and walked over to the fence.
"I don't think we got that far" John b groaned, grabbing at the fence giving it a little shake to test how strong it was.
"They are loading up the gold" pope was looking through binoculars. You grabbed them off him and had a look, sure enough they were. You handed back to him with a sigh before John b snatched it off pope and had a look
"There's ward" he said watching ward interact with another guy.
He slowly began lowering them and you gave him a questioning look
"What is it?" You asked as kie repeated 'what' twice from the other side of him.
"It's Sarah" he whispered sadly, heart breaking thinking that she had betrayed him. You got mad and snatched the binoculars back off him
"Let me see" yup. There's Sarah and ward. That bitch. You wanted to hit her hard. Your hand formed a fist.
"She's with them?" Pope asked unsure, JJ saw your finger nails digging into your hand and grabbed a hold of it, giving you a squeeze and linking your fingers.
"No!no!no!" You heard Sarah shriek pulling your eyes away from your hand in JJ's and over to where the plane sat.
"Wait a minute" John b was looking through the binoculars "he's hurting her" he felt relieved she wasnt betraying him but scared for his lover. "What?" Choruses around the group as they all looked at John b in shock.
Kie took the binoculars and had a look, shocked at what she was seeing.
You took your hand out of JJ's, him too distracted by what was happening and slowly began backing away and to the Twinkie. John b noticed and slowly followed
"John b! Y/n!" Kie looked at them confused
"What are you doing" pope asked as they began running to the Twinkie
"Y/n!" JJ called as you and John b climbed in and locked the doors.
"Where are you going!" Kie ran after pope to get to you both. JJ following "hay!" They all called trying to get you both to stop.
John b looked at you and you nodded. He got the car in gear and ordered you to hold on. JJ was so worried and yelled "please! Stop! Don't do this"
John b sped up and ran through the gate. You squeezed your eyes shut.
"What are you doing!" JJ yelled running slightly after the van before stopping and gripping a hold of his hair on-top of his head.
The plane slowly began the run to gain speed. The Twinkie spreading up. Sarah saw them and smiled at John b, glad he was here to save her.
"I love you" John b Told you as he wipped the car around and came to a stop Infront of the plane.
"I love you too" you grabbed a hold of his hand
"Together" you both said as you squeezed his hand and looked into each other's eyes hoping this would do well. JJ stood watching in shock. Kie and pope clung onto JJ as he looked like he was going to collapse any second. Worried sick about you.
The plane came to a stop and John b got out running to the plane. JJ sighing out of relief. Pope and kie agreeing.
"Sarah!" He called. You slowly got out and felt like kissing the ground. You followed after John b.
"Are you trying to kill her! What are you trying to do" ward charged at John b. John b pushed you back making sure you were safe before ward got straight in his face yelling at him. Sarah split them apart grabbing John BS face checking he was okay before she looked over at you, looking you up and down trying to see if you were okay too. You nodded at her letting her know that you were. Ward tried to grab Sarah and she told him not to touch her, John b pushed her behind him too and she grabbed your hand. John b stood Infront of you both protectively.
Police sirens were heard and the three pouges that were left behind heard them. They all decided they had to leave as pope couldn't risk getting arrested and JJ was on probation. But JJ didn't care. The two other pouges left as JJ stayed back and watched. Ready to run over if need be.
The police car pulled up to the scene, you let go of Sarah's hand and slowly walked behind the plane disappearing from sight, trying to get a one up if need be.
"Thank God you're here. Susan I told you he has lost his god damn mind" ward played victim. You slowly made your way around the plane.
"Put your hands on your head" officer peterkin ordered. You had made it to the front of the plane standing just behind peterkin.
"I'd do as she says kid" ward sneered at John b, peterkin pulled out her gun.
"She's talking to you ward" John b sneered back, Sarah coming up to him and grabbing his hand.
Wards head snapped back to officer peterkin and his smile fell. His eyes quickly went to you, a smug smile on your face, before going back to the officer.
"You're under arrest of the murder of big John Routledge" she informed him. Sarah was in shock and John b comforted her.
"Put your hands on your head" the officer continued with her arrest. At first he resisted but then He did as he was told. He was on his knees with his hands on his head, officer peterkin hand cuffed him when everything went wrong. Ward tried to fight back but peterkin got him. A gun shot was heard.
You had seen Rafe walk up. You had seen him aim at peterkin. You had seen him pull the trigger. And you made a decision.
You jumped Infront of the officer getting shot very close to the heart.
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There's a part 4 coming soon I hope you guys enjoyed this one!
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Y/N ROUTLEDGE PART 2
HERES PART 2 OF MY FIRST FANFICTION EVER
The days leading up to the incident weren't good ones. You had hit the peak of your heartbreak, slugging around the house eating icecream and avoiding everyone to your best ability. John b had had enough of seeing you this way.
"Y/n we need to talk" he came into the loungeroom of the chateau, eyes on you on the couch with your feet up on the coffee table. You wore an oversized black band muscle-tee and some denim shorts.
"What is it?" You barely whispered, digging back into your chocolate mint icecream that was sadly almost empty.
"You love JJ" He simply said coming to sit next to you. You immediately froze, placing the empty carton of icecream on the table Infront of you.
"I see it in the way you look at him, we all do. " He tried again, trying to get some sort of verbal confirmation out of you. He played with the end of his Hawaiian themed shirt, a nervous habit he had picked up.
"No, no I don't" you lied through your teeth, looking past John b, out the window to the lake outside watching the sunrise. You could never look someone in the eye when you lied. It's how everyone knew you were lying, your telltale.
“ why can't you just be honest with me? with yourself? “ John b questioned you, sitting beside you and grabbing your hands. He was hurting watching you fall apart and not knowing how to help you. He had discussed it with Sarah and Sarah had told him that you needed some time but he couldn't just sit there and do nothing.
"Because I just can't. Have you seen the way he looks at kie" you accidently let slipped, sighing to yourself, your ring on your hands suddenly becoming the most interesting things in the world. The one on your right hand ring finger JJ had brought you for your 16th birthday. It was silver, fake silver but still. It was your most prized possession. He had told you it was a promise ring, to be best friends forever.
John b couldn't believe his ears, he wanted to shout at you 'have you seen the way he looks at you' but he knew it wasn't his place. He had spent the last few days hearing JJ go on and on about how he missed you and wished you would just talk to him. About how he really cared about you but could never let you know for he felt he wasn't good enough, that he was just some abused broken boy with anger issues.
“ look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love him, then and only then will I drop this" John b crossed his arms tapping his foot waiting for your answer, two of the most important people in his life loved each other but wouldn't admit it and he was tired of it.
Your head fell down further looking at the cold floorboards as if they were the most interesting thing ever not giving him an answer, slightly angering him.
“ you can't lie to me, you know. you can try but, your eyes will always tell the truth. I know you inside and out" he shook his head, lifting your head to look him in the eyes as if he was searching for all the answers in them. You loved your brother so much, you two had been through everything together. Through thick and thin you used to say, but how thick of a situation could you honestly put him through cause this was a big one.
"you can't keep doing this. you can't keep lying to yourself and pushing your feelings away, you need to tell him" was the last thing John b groaned as he got up and stalked angrily outside leaving you to your thoughts.
"He's not wrong" kie startled you, coming into the house through the front door. You loved kie, she was your best friend but right now you just couldn't look at her. You would question why you couldn't be her, why you couldn't be as pretty or as funny or as kind or as skinny or.. or... Well you could go on and on. Without looking up from the floor you made you way to your bedroom locking the door behind you. You slid down the door, knees to your chest. Your eyes met the small frame on your bedside table. The photo was of you And JJ in a hammock laughing at something that he said as he was smiling down at you. What you couldn't see though was the admiration in his eyes. You remember that day as if it was yesterday.
You do love JJ, always have always will. But you just couldn't. Why did John b always have to try to push you when you knew what was right. Your forehead fell onto your knees as a sob escaped your mouth. Tears began rolling down your face as your tried to be silent. You couldn't. No matter how hard you tried. Your loud sobs echoed throughout the house to the backyard where John b was sitting on the couch. He sighed, throwing his head back against the wall. Pope looked sympatheticly at John b, knowing it would be tough for him to be sitting here listening to his sister cry knowing she needed space instead of being in there with her,
"she will come around, they both will" he had said encouragingly while also hoping. He wanted his best friend, you, to be okay and to come hang out with them again. He missed your random facts and sharing nerdy jokes. Kie came out, placing her hand on his shoulder. She herself had been very upset with how you were acting, she didn't understand why you couldn't utter a single word to any of them but especially avoided her and JJ.
"They need to tell each other" she thought out loud. The boys nodding in agreement.
about an hour later your sobs had stopped and John b had headed off to his fishing trip with ward. You were supposed to go too but John b made up an excuse saying you were sick. Kie , pope and sarah began working on the system to get the gold, JJ having been at work during this whole incident suddenly arrived at the chateau.
"Hello? Anyone home?" His voiced echoed throughout the house. Your ears picked up his voice and quickly raised from the floor, checking that you locked your door. You couldn't look him in his eyes and you know that this is the first place he would look for you or your brother.
You were right, JJ knocked on your door. A sad look upon his face. He missed you, he didn't know why you were avoiding him and was willing to fix whatever he had done.
"Y/n, please talk to me" he pressed his forehead against the door, looking down at his shoes. You stayed silent, forehead placed against the door on your side. If the door wasn't there you two would be standing forehead to forehead in a romantic embrace.
"You've been avoiding us for a while now, please just come out and talk to me. I promise to listen like I always do. I promise please baby, just come out" tears slowly leaked from his eyes making their way down his bruised cheek. He placed his hand against the door, just wanting to be near you or to touch you.
"I.. I can't" you whispered back hoping he didn't hear you but he did. His head sprang off the door, a sad smile on his face from just hearing your voice.
"Hey baby, there's that pretty voice I love so much. Please let me in so I can hear more of it. We don't have to talk about what's wrong, we can talk about anything" he begged. "Anything" he whispered under his breath, hoping. You were considering opening the door when JJs confused voice said
"John b what are you doing?" Your eyebrows raised in confusion. Not hearing a reply back from John b you slowly opened the door. What you saw shocked you, John b had a gun walking out of the house ignoring everyone. You chased after him
"John b!" You called, he turned to you after sitting on JJ's bike, starting it.
"Ward killed dad" was all he said as he sped off.
Everyone's head turned to you, you avoided their eyes running to the Twinkie. JJ quickly got in the van as you drive off. You groaned just wanting to be alone.
"Y/n, we need to stop him. As much as I want ward dead we need to stop him." He made his way up to the front, climbing into the passenger seat. His eyes searching your face he hadn't seen it in awhile and he missed it. He could see your red swollen eyes and he felt sick to the stomach knowing that you had been crying and he couldn't be there for you.
You kept your eyes on the road, praying that John b was okay and that JJ would just leave you alone.
"Y/n, please talk to me" JJ grabbed your hand that wasn't on the wheel, playing with your fingers. He loved holding your hand, he felt safe and secure, little did he know you felt the same way too.
It felt nice holding his hand for a second before you quickly pulled away. His eyebrows shot up in confusion, since the day you met you two have always held hands to comfort the other or simply just to be touching each other.
"Okay that's it, what have I done? Why are you avoiding me?" What you hadent realised was JJ was suffocating inside too. Not knowing why his crush was hating him. He was starting to get angry, wanting you to just do anything. Yell at him for all he cared as long as you were okay with him after. You had never gone this long without talking to him, infact even when you were mad at him you would just tell him off straight away and usually he would correct himself.
"I don't want to talk, just let me be" you let out angrily, angry at yourself for feeling this way when you knew it wasn't his fault. You wished you could vent to him about boy trouble if only he wasn't the boy. You wish you could cuddle up to him and just cry everything away.
JJs shoulders fell as he stared out the window thinking of the good times you used to have together, wishing you could continue to have more
The wind blew heavy as the waves became more vicious. But yet you and JJ sat on your surfboards attempting to ride some waves. After a while you both gave up and decided to sit on the sand.
"You killed it out there" JJ laughed as he plopped his board on the sand
"I know I know I'm just the best" you giggled plopping yours down next to his
"Yeah you are" JJ whispered under his breath, watching you take a seat on your board pulling his shirt over your head. He thought you looked absolutely breathtaking in his clothes and he loved when you stole them from him.
"Isn't that my shirt?" He joked sitting next to you and slinking his arm around your shoulders. You layed your head on his shoulder laughing slightly
"hmm nah it's mine now"
You both watched as the sun began its descent into the ocean
"One day, I'll become full kook and we can have our own place out there" JJ dreamt,
"We will surf all day and eat seafood all night" you added in, picturing you and JJ on an island free from any worries.
"One day" he agreed looking down at you, the oranges from the sunset dancing upon your face with a smile on your lips.
You and JJ looked arrived at the Cameron residence a few seconds before Kiara and pope arrived on the boat.
You rushed over to pope who was looking through binoculars
"I see ward" he informed
"Let me see" you took the binoculars off him and peaked through sure enough he was there and that's all you needed to know. You rushed back to the Twinkie and sped off. This Time without JJ.
You found John b instantly, sitting on the warf holding a tiny boat made of twine that had a picture of your dad in it.
"John b" you yelled rushing over to him. You collapsed down beside him and he pulled you into his arms, crying.
You both sat there embracing each other, crying and looking at the picture of your dad. The picture had been taken by you, you loved photography. Your dad hated having his picture taken but for you he would have done anything. He loved to make his little princess happy as she was the one that would invest into his work with him.
"Goodbye dad" John b whispered as you kissed your two fingers, pointer and ring finger, placing it on the picture as If giving him a kiss.
"Goodbye"
You both watched as John b placed it on the water letting it float away into the darkness.
"Promise me" John b started not taking his eyes off the tiny flame in the distance, you hmm'd as a response still trying to take everything in. In less than a year you have lost a lot. You lost your father, then you lost JJ and now you know that your father is dead for real. Everything just came crashing down and it felt like you couldn't breathe.
"Promise me you'll never leave me" his eyes finally met yours and you nodded
"I promise"
Little did you know, that promise would have to be broken.
And that ladies and gentleman is part 2! Part 3 will be coming shortly
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Y/N ROUTLEDGE PART 1
hey everyone so this is my first fanfiction please let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy.
JJ Maybank fanfic but has the other pouges in it too.
The Pouges sat around a fire, beers in their hand, tears in their eyes. Remembering and promising to never forget.
"to y/n" pope spoke up, holding his beer towards the fire in a cheers motion.
You sat between JJ and Pope on the HMS pouge, Kie sitting opposite you, and John b, your twin brother, driving.
"did you know that aliens helped build the pyramids" you claimed, setting your sunglasses on-top of your head. Your eyes twinkled with the sun. JJ couldn't keep his eyes off of you especially the yellow little bikini top that you wore.
" yeah and did you know Avril Lavigne was replaced with a clone" Pope whispered in a 'spooky' voice making you hit shoulders with Pope as you both laughed.
You and Pope loved sharing conspiracy theories even the most outrageous ones. In a way, you were both alike both wanting to go to college and both loving to read. That's what made you two the best of friends.
"to y/n" Kie repeated, sipping her beer as she smiled sadly at the fire.
You and Kie sat silently at the Warf, feet dangling into the cold water as the stars sparkled above. kie was sniffling as her head laid on your shoulder. kie had just had a fight with John b over Sarah Cameron, telling him he had to choose between them.
You rubbed kies back, singing softly to her in your angelic voice. Everyone, secretly even the kooks, loved to hear you sing. They all believed one day you would make it big. and perhaps you would have.
"I just cant believe he would kiss me one moment and the next be in a relationship with the one person I dislike the most" kie barely whispered
"oh kie kie, I know its horrible what he did but maybe he had a reason?" you tried to reason even though you knew your brother was just a plain idiot when it came to women. You thought you had taught him better than to treat a lady like this especially their best friend.
slowly and softly wiping the girls tears away you told her "you are so beautiful and if he cant see that then to hell with him. you deserve so much Kiara"
kie knew you were serious when you used her full name, she didn't know what she did to deserve a best friend like you. no one knew, as you were there for each of them whenever they needed you. they knew no matter the time of day or how far away you were they could always rely on you. Especially JJ, you two were like two peas in a pod having met when you were in 1st grade and never separated after that. People would say where you would find one you would find the other. JJ would always sneak into your room at the chateau and snuggle up to you after a fight with his father and you would always tend to his wounds, sometimes you would talk about what happened but sometimes you knew all he needed was a shoulder to cry on. he loved that he could come to you and you wouldn't judge him.
"I can't believe it's been 5 years" JJ spoke softly as a tear travelled down his cheek and he sniffled. Kie nodded at JJ, she herself in shock.
On the beach knees to chest and head on knees, you couldn't believe the news you had just come to realize. you were in love with your best friend, JJ. you watched the waves roll up and slightly touch your bare feet the anklet with a shake tooth that JJ had given to you danced in the water. you couldn't help but feel stupid, how could you love someone when they already loved someone else. the sun was harsh against your skin already feeling a slight burn but your heart ache burnt a lot more. For a while you had watched as JJ pined over Kiara. it had hurt you but up until now you had no idea why. you always thought it was just because you didn't want to loose your best friend but you realize know it was more.
The sand beneath your shorts felt soft yet cold. JJ loved these shorts, he had actually picked them out for you when you had gone shopping for some new clothes as your old ones had grown to tight. this was due to working on your squats, which by the way did not go unnoticed by JJ who would sneakily slap or grab it every now and then.
A tear slid down your cheek. you wished you had the nerve to tell JJ but you knew that it would only end in heartbreak but you knew you also couldn't hold it in. later that night writing it all out in a note addressed to JJ.
John b broke down, clinging onto Sarah for comfort.
you two were womb mates but also best friends, you did everything together especially go into creepy murderer houses to find gold.
"be safe" he had whispered to you and Sarah. Sarah staying back to reply as you ran ahead wanting to distance your self from JJ. You had been trying to avoid him since you became aware of your feelings which of course everyone was slowly coming to realize.
"you be safe" JJ laughed trying to distract himself from how hurt he felt by you avoiding him.
"for you, ill be so safe" pope laughed back playing along with JJs teasing.
"oh shut up, its not like you're not worrying over y/n right now." John b shoved JJ, making him shut up.
"has she spoken to you about whatever's up?" pope asked referring to your distance from JJ. JJ only shook his head wanting to forget about it for a little bit.
After running out of the house with the old lady shooting at the 6 of you, you all climbed into the twinkie. You sat up front in the passenger seat as john b drove. you smiled over at john b as he showed you he had found the gold.
"we did it" you whispered excited
"we did it" he repeated, smiling at you
"i love you so much" you had replied happy that you had completed your fathers mission together, always together.
It had indeed been 5 whole years since the incident that changed all their lives.
let me know if I should do a part 2 of what happened to y/n.
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I have all these ideas in my head about fanfics to do with JJ maybank but I'm not talented enough to turn it into something
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I'm so sad I can't find any fanfics about pope Heyward he's so sweet and he deserves some :(
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