#i would say poor arabella

[lucrezianoin]

Here is how to get astarion approval so high he will proposition you before the tieflings party. No evil choices, just some chaos. The score you want is 40.

Not all of these are necessary btw, if you di all of this you'll get over 40. Avoid what sounds too evil and check that you're getting up to 40. Also remember that for the party romance you actually only need 20.

- When Lae'zel is in the cage, talk to her before releasing her and ask her to say "please"

- Attacking the thieves at the ruined temple

- When Shadowheart mention needing a cure (at camp) make sure to choose the option about being cautious

- When you meet with Zevlor, refuse to help saying you have your own problems. (you can help anyway, don't worry)

- When Lae'zel meets the tiefling and ask him to bow, go along with her at least once, then you can stop her and apologise to the poor man

- When you meet Wyll, you can talk with the guy training the children. Tell the children that they will all die

- After saving Arabella, tell the druid woman that you just wanted to see what would happen

- When you meet Auntie Ethel at the refugees' camp, let her fuss over you and then tell her about the tadpoles

- You know the kid with the magic ring trick? Pocket that ring

- When you meet the two siblings mourning their dying brother, Astarion will approve of you send them to face the owlbear (but I never choose this, because it makes me sad). But I think the big approval comes in the dialogue just next, where you can say that using the tadpole seems like a great idea

- At the blighted village, when the goblin spots you, you will get approval if you attack them back

- Say boooo to Volo

- Open the door where the sexy moans are happening

- At the entrance of the goblin camp, if you can, thow shit at the guard

- There's a goblin that will ask you to kneel and kiss his foot. Uno reverse it, and intimidate him

- Let the cleric at the goblin whip you

- After you free the owlbear, pet them at camp

- Get the necromancy of thay, and the amethyst that fits in it and give it to Astarion

- Recruit Karlach with him in the party

- Killing the monster Hunter will also shoot up your approval of TEN POINTS. I usually never kill him, but if you're close to the party and you really want to get to 40, this is also an option

- When you meet Raphael, agree with Astarion that you should not trust him

- If you decide to do auntie ethel too, make sure to convince her to free Maryna and get the deal at the same time

Now, I think the majority of approval will come with how you talk with him at camp.

- Go along with his dialogue about killing you if there's any tentacle showing. Just play along, don't shut him down

- Go along with the "whose blood would you drink" dialogue. Your answer doesn't really matter as long as you don't shut him down

- When he bites you, of course, offer to give him your blood

- During the mirror dialogue (sometimes it happens pre-sleeping together) you can insult him a bit (you're not aging gracefully), but at the second reply reassure him. The last reply is fine for all the lines and they seem to all get approval, as long as you don't just leave.

In general this is usually all I need to get to 40, which is pretty high. In my last playthrough I managed to also get to 40 without doing many of these.

But as I said, you only need 20. Just remember that he likes being petty and asserting dominance over others, he loves the tadpole, he is cautious, he's a little silly and chaotic, he's selfish, he likes joking and talking so don't shut him down.

Just remember that he's much more explicit about sex being an exchange if you get the proposition before the party, and you end up missing the scene of the party. Up to you! If you see that he's at 40 he will proposition the moment you talk to him, so if you accidentally got his approval too high and want to see both scenes you can technically kill the goblin leaders and free halsin, talk to him, then when you sleep you get directly to the party where you will have the party scene too.

[cambion-companion]

BG3 Companions on a Halloween Date

YES I was itching to do something for the BG3 gang for the season. You could say it's been bugging me. Hah. Ok sorry it's the influence of my pfp.

Let's start with

You want a cozy night in under the covers, watching scary movies (or puppet shows or whatever the heck is the equivalent in Faerun) but he's not sold on the idea. "I've seen enough horror to last me several lifetimes, darling."

Instead Astarion would take you out in the crisp Autumn air, under the distant sun, for a walk crunching through the dried leaves of brown and red.

He'd want to go to the pumpkin patch to find the perfect gourd for a Jack-o-Lantern.

When the sun set so very early in the afternoon, you'd retire back to your cozy abode and set to carving faces into your pumpkins.

Astarion of course would make short work of his, dexterous as ever with those knives, and he would do his best to shape the face into what he hopes he looks like.

Either that or, depending on where you're at in his character arc, he'd remake Cazador BEFORE gutting it and making a whole show of utterly eviscerating the poor Halloween decoration. "Astarion, this is supposed to be relaxing." "This IS my ideal downtime."

You want someone who will snuggle under the covers and watch Hocus Pocus with you? Wyll is your man. But sorry I'm trying to keep to a less modern AU.

Wyll seems like the kind of guy who would put on some fitting music as you two cooked together, dancing in the kitchen intermittently and almost forgetting to check on the cookies before they burned.

He's such a sweetheart, checking to make sure you're happy with just spending an evening indoors with him. "We can go out on the town if you desire, sweetheart." "No, Wyll, I've told you this is absolutely perfect."

Depending on the choices you've made with him thus far, Mizora might pop in to dip her finger in the batter and bamf out again, giving ya'll a cheeky wink. "Ta ta, love imps. You make me physically ill."

Sigh, you're back for more bones hm?

Alright I'll entertain you.

You ask Withers to dance to Spooky Scary Skeletons. He looks at you, unimpressed. "Get thee hence." "Wilt thou harass someone else?"

Ideally I would propose and she'd say "yes". Oh what? Sorry, I was miles away.

For a Halloween date. Hm. A corn maze. Definitely.

She'd be all about her tutelage under Shar's freaks followers and want to show off her sneaking skills.

It would turn into a game of hide-and-go-seek and then it'd get a little creepy before she'd inevitably pounce on you and you'd end of in a fit of laughter together.

"I wasn't going to hurt you!" "Well, Shaddy, sometimes I wonder." "Good to keep you on your toes, then." "Careful, I saw a pond on the way in."

Then you two would go and get some candied apples and chat about memories and flowers that bloom in the gloaming.

Oh Gale.

He'd love to read to you out of a classic gothic novel (cough cough Dracula cough cough) while you two cozy up under some blankets.

He'd probably get fresh with you and run a hand up your leg or something, OH SORRY this is post the patch that fixed that? OK. He'd wait an extra hour.

Tara would curl up next to you and listen as he read from the book, the firelight crackling and warming your bodies as the night grows dark outside.

Afterward he would ask if you'd like to be guided into the Astral plane where you can look down on the All Hallow's Eve festivities below.

yeah, gotta give Tiefling daddy some love. Especially since I still feel bad for massacring them all my last playthru.

Zevlor is another who has seen his fair share of horror, and he would opt to do something more lighthearted with you for a Halloween date.

He seems like a family kind of man, so I expect he would invite the whole gang over for a delicious dinner. Mol and her friends, Arabella and her parents. Rolan and Zorru and maybe even Auntie Ethel will sneak in there. Then it really WOULD be a Halloween experience.

After the dinner and the guests are snoozing or already left he'd wrap an arm around you and pull you close. "Would you accompany me outside? I would like to show you the stars and tell their tales. It's been so long since I've gotten to properly admire them. Or you."

Of course I have to include the daddy devil, who do you think I am?

Raphael would take you to a haunted house, of course. OF COURSE.

Hell, what better house that is haunted than the House of Hope?

It would be horrifying for you, since the no touching rules don't apply there, and most amusing for him.

You'd practically climb the cambion in your efforts to avoid the ghosties, especially that one who constantly says "huuuurt meeee, pleeeaaase."

Raphael would enjoy watching you squirm, and remind you such a fate would not be yours only IF you followed his rules.

Oh yeah, and maybe if you're lucky, or perhaps very unlucky, he'll invite you to his Boudoir.

Oak Father frowns on dissecting pumpkins for the sake of creating superfluous lanterns (or something...I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend, ok)

Instead, Halsin would druid craft you vines and harvest fruits in whatever shapes, sizes, and colors you desired.

He'd also want to go trick or treating so BADLY. "But Halsin, you're eight feet tall and built like a linebacker. No one is going to mistake you for a kid." Then he'd cast Disguise Self and you'd be forced to take him out on the town in hunt of candy.

Poor guy didn't have much of a childhood and wants to experience the finer things in life. Get those king sized candy bars...just once.

You are a bit huffy, having expected a more...romantic evening than this. But he'll make it up to you later winkwonk , till you can bearly stand it.

Aw

You guys would get all CUTE and gussied up together.

Go out on the town.

Pick the best looking victim to be a sacrifice to Lolth.

Wait...what?

[trulycertain]

Been thinking about Astarion and his disapprovals when you help people. I think that yes, it's partly about envy that no-one was there to help him, but also about choice and control. (BG3 is always a game about autonomy, after all.)

So hear me out: back in the pre-turn days, Astarion was a magistrate. And if Baldur's Gate is anything like our medieval and Renaissance eras? He would've had to sign off on some pretty damn awful punishments. (Look at how he talks in the Justice test about how one has to punish thieves, and the Early Access bit where he talks about how killing Arabella would be too harsh for her stealing... they should've cut off her hand instead, the "proper" punishment for thieves and what he would've sentenced her to. He handed down an edict bad enough on a Gur tribe that he was essentially murdered in revenge.)

So how do you justify this to yourself? Well. He had money, societal power, and pretty privilege - this is almost certainly why Cazador chose him, too - and was kind of crap at empathy. And we know he likes seeing people get their comeuppance, likes seeing them taken down a peg. So he carefully ignores all the ways he's been lucky, all his privilege, and pretends he got there all by himself. He goes, "They had a choice. There's always a choice. They weren't helpless. They should have got a job, not begged, or stolen. They earned this. They brought it upon themselves. I'm simply serving them the consequences. Don't look at me like that." (I think this also ties into that later-retconned part about him giving prisoners to vampires. They're just criminals, after all, the same way the Gur are cutthroats and goblins are trash. They chose this life. They chose not to matter.)

So then he falls painfully from privilege, and gets the full horrible buffet of helplessness at Cazador's hands. He "resisted least" - see, surely there's a way to be punished less if you just do the right things, if you say the right things. The spawn who resist are doing it wrong. They made their choice. (He ignores that he's never the favoured spawn, ignores the pliers coming out again, and tells himself this.) If he can say that, he can pretend he still has control - and he so desperately wants control. His old self-justification has been turned up to eleven by the trauma of Cazador.

And suddenly... tadpole. He's free. He's also, as said, traumatised. He tells himself he's never going back to Cazador - look, Cazador can't compel him, look, he can walk in the sun, look, he's seducing Tav. He knows what he's doing! He's in control! The tadpole just being luck? He can't afford to think about that. Luck can change. Which means Cazador, and everything else, no matter what Astarion does or prepares or succeeds at, can happen again. He's helpless. But no. No. He's not some helpless damsel in distress - his first meeting with you was mocking the very thought!

But look. These people are showcasing their helplessness, almost proudly. And it's horrifying. And they keep saying familiar things - they're saying things he's said, in his more vulnerable moments. And Tav keeps saying things like, "They had no choice - we have to help them." But of course these people did. They got themselves into this situation, they can damn well help themselves out of it.

Because if they didn't have a choice... then neither did all the poor bastards he sent to their deaths or horrendous punishments over the years. Neither did those he brought to Cazador. Neither will all the spawn he's going to sacrifice in the ritual. Neither did he. All that separates them from him is luck, and luck can change. He's not in control. The thought is horrifying, so he pushes back against it. "They're weak, pathetic [...] We are better." Even as he approves of getting Wyll out of the pact and getting Mayrina away from the hag, even as he wants Lae'zel to "break her chains", because he feels a kinship with them. Even as, in a rawer moment, he tells the story about being locked in a crypt and tells Tav not to judge him for what he had to do for Cazador. If he stops to examine that too much, he'll panic. Cognitive dissonance is a hell of a drug. So move on, keep desperately snobbing.

He keeps trying that even when Tav meets his siblings and treats them with empathy (empathy that confuses and horrifies him). "They lured thousands to their deaths," he tells Tav. "I doubt Baldur's Gate will miss them." Or him. If they had control, he had control too. Life before turning taught him that if you're punished for what you've done, with cruelty or with death in a ritual, the punishment implies you still had a choice. He vacillates wildly between victim-blaming and talking about them as helpless unfortunate sacrifices while he tries to get his head round this. Even while, as Tav insists on saying, all that separates him from them is a tadpole. His victims are "criminals and brothel-goers," he tries desperately to tell Tav later - look, they deserved it!

The breakthrough is when he finally admits that the spawn are "the innocent, idiots, and the unlucky." Just like the others whose chains you've helped break, through the acts (his approval slowly starting to turn round on some of them, as this realisation creeps up on him and gains speed). Just like him - he was unlucky. (Which means he didn't deserve two hundred years of enslaved misery, and the people on this journey didn't deserve what happened to them, either. Which means he deserves to be treated with kindness, and so do others.) He can turn from that, and keep desperately scrabbling for control with the ritual (he can command others! He'll "never have to be afraid of anyone, ever again"), or he can stay a spawn, and accept that.

The kind of control he wants is an illusion. You can never truly control others without losing yourself in the process. All you can do to change people is decide whether to help - to reach out and hope they reach back. He's seen this time and time again with Tav, saw it even before he woke up in the ground. It's just that finally, he's stopped outrunning the thought and accepted it. Sometimes he still backslides, sometimes he still sees those who hurt him in the ones Tav wants to help, sometimes he's still rather an arse... but he's starting to see it now.

[nika-vincent]

Some of our reflections on the development of Halsin's personality in Bg3. Long post warning.

I can say that this post is something like a continuation of my previous one, which was devoted mainly to romance with Halsin. This time I gathered some more thoughts from my recent discussions with the guys who love this wonderful character, but this time the main topic will be the development of Halsin's personality in the game. Some things about romance will also be mentioned here a little, the moments we found in the game files, and a few more facts from the datamine. So if you haven't completed the game and don't want to get spoilers, then I suggest skipping this article for now. We will be very happy if this review can also help Larian to see some points that could be supplemented or repaired with patches and also look at how the players perceive our beloved bear and what they would like to see with him in the future.

I would like to start by saying that if we compare Minthara and Halsin in terms of the degree of personality development throughout the game, Minthara is prescribed better and even has her own different ways: to change herself for the better or to remain a bad girl. And I'm not gonna say that she doesn't deserve this because most players choose the path of good and there is no point in investing in the development of her character. Not at all. On the contrary, it shows that it is important for developers to take into account every detail in the game, and if players want to play the game differently for a change, they will discover a lot of new things and say: "Oh, dude! Minthara turns out to be not as bad as she seemed at first glance!". And this is really a wonderful move by Larian, which doesn't allow players to get bored and makes them look at situations and the characters themselves differently. (And by the way, if some character is in the minority according to the preferences of the players, this does not mean that it deserves to receive poor development.)

As for Halsin in this case, at the moment not only his romantic content is missing, but also his very development as a character and a full-fledged companion. This can be explained by the fact that he was probably recently added as a companion, and there simply wasn't time for him to prescribe more things that would reveal his character and potential to the fullest. Considering Sven Winke's recent post on Twitter, where he announced that Larian will again involve voice actors to record new content, there is a chance that these flaws will be fixed in patches and Halsin will get more interactive scenes than those he has now. (As far as I know, Minthara is also suffers from a lack of romantic content, as does Halsin, so I suggest waiting for now and following the official news from Larian …)

It's sad to see that new players who don't experience early access called Halsin a rather boring companion compared to others. However, players from early access spoke about him much higher and more positively, otherwise he wouldn't have become one of the popular characters of the community. So, why did this happen? I can explain this by saying that at that time Halsin was just something like an episodic character that we just had to rescue from the goblin camp and he would tell us everything he knows about our parasite and where we should go for further answers then. (And for an episodic character, that would be enough.) After that, we witness how he scolds Kagha because of the rite of thorns. And I think a particularly strong point was that in the case of Arabella's death, Halsin says in raised tones: "As for the Idol? It's nothing compared to life! A mere object, next to one nature's creations! You showed no pity, no remorse. I cannot absolve you!" I've seen people write admiring comments like: "Until that moment, I thought I couldn't love him even more!". The way he expresses his thoughts, shows concern, compassion, or regret and disappointment mixed with anger (because of the death of a little girl that Kagha allowed) - all this showed us the traits of Halsin's character and caused emotions among the players. Someone thought he was too soft, and someone admired his kindness. And that's how it should work, so that the character evokes different or even contradictory emotions in people, anything but boredom or the feeling that something is missing. This is what makes the character interesting, we want to learn more about him, see how he will behave in other situations and especially how he will react to the Baldur Gate City itself. And I can also note that we were particularly interested in his story with Ketheric Thorm, which he tells us about after the Tiefling party, as well as what he feels guilty about and what unfinished business he mentioned.

Unfortunately, much of what concerned Halsin's personal growth in the release version of the game remained not fully disclosed and seemed unfinished, especially in act 3. His quest during act 2 was challenging from a gameplay point of view, but from a story one it was quite touching and helped us learn a little more about Halsin's past and that the spirit of the land named Thaniel was his only childhood friend. We also learned a little about his parents, as well as the reason why he became the archdruid.

But the story of the shadow curse still remained as if unsaid, and also we didn't see any of his interactions with Ketheriс Thorm, which I think deserved to be realized, and were not limited to Halsin's stories only about Ketheric if we ask him. An interesting fact is that for a long time there were hints in the datamine that Ketheric's daughter Isobel died because of Halsin (correct me if I made a mistake somewhere, please). And I remember, I saw there that Isobel was killed by the spear 'Sorrow', the same spear that we can get in the secret vault in the emerald grove. Not to mention that in Halsin's room we can even find his diaries, in which Isobel was mentioned several times. This would have added a lot of intrigue and special opportunities for Halsin's interactions in the plot of Act 2 itself, but for some reason it remained behind the scenes and even if we ask Isobel about how she died, she cannot remember her killer. Although there are some special dialogues between Halsin and Isobel in the game files themselves at the moment, but there are none of them during the gameplay. I dunno why it was necessary to cut or change these things, and it is not for me to decide what to do here after all. But in my humble opinion, it would have added fire to Halsin's plot in act 2. I would regard this as a fact that even such a good and kind character as Halsin can make mistakes, has his own shortcomings and even dark sides. Therefore, before the release of the game, I had high expectations that Halsin would play a much bigger plot role in Act 2 because of these intrigues between him, Ketheric and Isobel than what we have in the game at the moment. The feeling of the whole story being left unsaid is still present in Act 2, but who knows, maybe it can be improved in patches?

When Halsin became our full-fledged companion in the game, we got new options for the dialogues, but very few of his interactions in the future. It's as if the development of his personality in the second act ended along with his quest. Remember what wonderful scenes with companions in Act 1 we watched over and over again when we stayed overnight in the camp. It helped us to get to know them better, to love someone or hate someone. Halsin definitely should not be deprived of this, we still want to get to know him so that later we can draw conclusions about him in Act 3 and help him find his own path, as it was with the other companions. We got to know our companions during acts 1 and 2 to see the end result of what we experienced together in act 3.

What confuses me is that the developers seem to have paid more attention to his sexuality than the development of his personality instead (not to mention that scandalous story of his sexual slavery to drows in his past, and he only tells us about it after we sleep with the drow twins in a brothel in his company). This looks especially sad for romance, because it looks like Tav fell in love with Halsin more for his sexy muscular body, and not for what kind of person he is. After all, even in real life, we fall in love with someone not for having a fine big booty, but for how a person presents themself to the world and how they treats us. I want to add here one quote that I just remembered: 'Personality is much more important, because the external beauty of a person is taken away by old age, but the beauty of the soul will remain forever.'

In act 3, at the moment, Halsin reveals much less, but we can still see some hints. After he appoints a successor to the Emerald grove in his place, and after we help heal the lands from the shadow curse, Halsin apparently has a conflict with himself about finding a new goal. He notes that he does not like the city of Baldur's Gate, he is saddened by the fate of orphans here, he would also like people to see a friend in nature. And there are also curious moments in his reasoning about shadow druids and their methods. But all this remains so far only at the level of discussions and comments that pop up sometimes. And we can only find out at the very end that he decided to find a new goal in helping people and orphans from the city in Thaniel's world. And you know, it's a really great idea, but I have this feeling again that in act 3 we missed a lot before he came to find this goal in his ending. The idea of his personal path still remained unfinished to the end. I also heard that he was supposed to have some kind of quest with a druid circle in the city, well, let's see if we'll have a chance to see it in patches.

Сomparing Halsin with the rest of the party, he still looks pretty unfinished in terms of development by the end of the game. Because each companion has their own personal options for the path of development, which we are able to influence, and we can notice the difference in the change in the character of a certain companion comparing with what they were in act 1 and what they became by the end of act 3. We can see what Shadowheart can be like if she rejects Shar, or what she will be like in the future if she becomes a dark justiciar. Astarion can remain as a spawn, but at the same time preserving himself as a person and not turn into the likeness of Cazador, whom he hated so much. Or we can help him become a Vampire Lord and the power will intoxicate him so much that he will even begin to dream of taking the city itself in the end. Even Minthara, the companion opposite to Halsin, also has her own personal path of development. But with Halsin himself, unfortunately, this is happening pretty weakly at the moment...

We have been discussing a lot lately what would help for the development of Halsin's personality, so that he could be on a par with the rest of the companions. And I'll start with an excellent thought from my dear friend @merrinla, which would give an excellent opportunity for the development of his personal path, which at the moment in the game looks somewhat unfinished (but I still believe in the power of patches, official writers and the love of fans!❤).

Considering that his background is labeled 'outlander', this makes him a person who grew up in a wild environment, wandering a lot, living in harmony with nature, free as the wind. And even his best friend is the spirit of the land, not from the ordinary people. In his youth, he lived this life, unencumbered by responsibilities, exactly before the crisis moment happened, which was a shadow curse that abruptly changed his usual life. And for 100 years, his goal was to heal the lands from this curse. Plus, his duties as an archdruid piled up here and he didn't have time for his own desires at all. "I was forgetting who I was," as he once told us. After the events in Act 2, he does not seem to be eager to return to the emerald grove, but keeps in touch with Francesca to find out news from there. He speaks quite critically about the city of Baldur's Gate, but he has a desire to help people here and make life in the city better. And I think it would be appropriate here to let Tav tell him something like: 'You know, Halsin, it's not for nothing that people say that everything can be found in Baldur's Gate. Maybe you can find yourself here too?' and also try to change his views on the civilized world, because at the moment he is not familiar with this world too well, and we could help him adapt, convince him that the city itself is not so bad, and find himself here. Even the romance with him will look great with this option.

So it would be a suitable solution if Halsin also had his own development paths: 1 - if he trusts our advice and assistance in adapting to the city, which will allow him to become more civilized. 2 - we agree that he is right in his critical views on the city and civilization, and ultimately he decides to remain an outlander.

I think that even his ending with the orphans could also look different depending on the choice of his personal path, as well as in the case of the romance with him. This is a really great idea, and thank you @merrinla so much for sharing it with me!🙏❤

I would also like to give my comment about Halsin's role in our party. Considering that we have often witnessed conflicts between our companions, in Halsin I see something like scales holding the balance. Someone like the 'father' of our party, an adult wise mentor with whom we could consult about our experiences and ask for his advice. And I would also be very happy to see how he will try to calm our companions in case of any conflict.😂 His wisdom and mentoring experience just have to play a role in our party. If we go on a romance path with him, I would really like him to let us know that he will always listen to us at any moment and support us. Maybe we could even unobtrusively take his hand in return for a while to show how much it means to us. It would also be nice if Thaniel could communicate more with Halsin in the camp, and, in the case of romance, in a dialogue with us, he would notice that Halsin cares about us. These cute moments and his modesty suit Halsin much more than excessive sexual innuendos.

I dunno if Larian will do something about the fact that in the game files Halsin should have received more interactions with Isobel. But I think it would be great and intriguing. And interactions with Ketheric would also be perfect here (Girls, don't start a fight until I find my popcorn😅). And it also seemed strange to me that Halsin had no reaction to Zevlor's betrayal. Maybe it's a bug or just another flaw, who knows. But it would also be good to get this scene, even if he was at our party at the time of the showdown with Zevlor. Maybe it would be nice to organize some kind of his reaction to Nightsong, too, given that Halsin learned about her from Aradin, but he thought she was an artifact, not a living angel. Some interactions with our pets in the camp, I think they should be for Halsin too. (Let him stroke Scratch's belly, haha) And also… the arm wrestling scene of Minsc and Halsin when? Just imagine how funny it might look, 'cause even the dialogue with Minsc about it was hilarious.😁

That's all for today! Thank you guys for reading this review to the end, and also join us in discussions in the feedback about Halsin of the official Larian's discord club! I wish great success to Larian and I thank them for creating this wonderful game for us, which unites people and allows us to discuss many things. We love you and hope that you will also succeed in your future projects, and I also wish you good luck and inspiration in working on new content for BG3!❤🙏

[rederiswrites]

The three around the fire watched as Yenna dragged another bucket of water to the waiting cauldron. She bent at an almost comical angle, balancing the weight of the bucket on her hip.

"Does anyone feel rather uncomfortable at our new child servant?" Wyll pulled a face as Yenna bobbled a bit and sloshed water down one leg. "I know she wants to help, but really, this is a bit much."

"Nonsense," Astarion scoffed. "If she wants to slave away, I say go to!"

Huginn sighed. "I tried to help last night, you know. She got miffy and said I need't act like she's a baby. There was no winning when mine got like that--if you interfere too much, you send the message that you think they're incapable. Better to just keep an eye out and step in when they really do need help."

"I keep forgetting you have children," Astarion said. "Chilling, really. Needy little buggers."

Wyll laughed. "What, in your extensive experience with children? Which would you say was the greater burden, Arabella, who's gone off on her own, or Yenna here, making you supper?"

"Maybe he's thinking of Mol and Mattis," Huginn said, joining in the teasing. "Always asking to have their boots tied and their meat cut up and their noses wiped, those two. Terribly needy. Can't go two minutes without Mama." Then he sighed. "Gods help the poor things. I got a better childhood in Menzoberranzan, bad as it was."

Astarion clucked angrily and stood up.

"Here, you imp. You'll put out the fire at this rate." With which, he took the bucket from Yenna's hands and emptied it into the waiting cauldron. "There. Really!"

Over Yenna's protest, Wyll and Huginn smiled at each other.

[ariainstars]

The Genius of Georgette Heyer

Georgette Heyer, an Englishwoman who lived from 1902 to 1974, is one of my favourite novelists, and I often reread her books or at least some parts of her books just to retire into an agreeable world. She wrote historical novels and thrillers, but I must admit I don’t like these very much. To me, Heyer’s genius was giving a breath of fresh air to the overworn genre of romance novels set in the English Regency era. (Although some of these Heyer novels like These Old Shades or The Convenient Marriage are set during High Rococo.)

In my opinion Heyer is highly underrated, standing in the shade of the more known Jane Austen or the Brontë sisters, books women most relate to when they want to read historical romance novels; Barbara Cartland is also more known, an author whose works are too saccharine for my taste.

Austen’s or the Brontë sister’s novels are not actually romances although they are often described as such; they are accurate portrayals of the society the authors lived in, romantic attachments playing a major role of course, but the focus is on the importance of family and society framing them and influencing them, for good or for bad.

I always found myself drawn to Heyer’s stories, long before I fell in love for the first time myself; the average romance novels get on my nerves. Now, and after having experienced love more than once, I can say that I wholly share Heyer’s approach that no matter how much in love you are has no influence on whether you and the object of your interest fit together.

The common trope in romances is “love conquers all”, which I personally dislike because it strips the protagonists of having their own mind and their own agenda. “Love” makes the choice for them; they don’t consciously choose to be with this person or other. Alternatively, the protagonists are “meant for each other” but “star-crossed”, i.e. circumstances or their own folly (or both) prevent them from being together, in which case the novel is framed as a tragedy and we are expected to cry buckets over it.

This is fortunately not the case in Heyer’s romance novels. Like Cartland, she writes of an England that was long gone before she was born, of course in a romanticized way. A lot of her stories mirror how the do’s and don’ts of those times, in particular in the upper class, influenced their lives and made it very difficult to navigate society.

Georgette Heyer’s genius is her capacity to imbue old tropes with new elements, and most importantly, to detach herself from the adage “love is all you need”. Without being sarcastic, she is at her best (in my opinion) when she weaves stories about people who realize that being in “love” is not that important at all. Her romances do end well, yet not due to the influence of a higher power but because the couples involved had the chance to realize who is the right partner for them to spend the rest of their lives with. Her heroines are usually headstrong, independent and reasonable; they may act on a whim or following their heart, but it is when they listen to reason - or are pushed to do so - that they finally get their happy ending.

Warning: spoilers ahead.

The Cinderella Trope

Arabella, and also Friday’s Child and The Convenient Marriage deal with the subject of a poor, or at least modest-living, female from a good family being launched into London’s high society by a strike of good fortune. In the latter two novels, this includes for them the chance to buy a heap of beautiful new clothes, strongly reminding of the Cinderella trope.

But Heyer would not be who she is if the novels would not be original in their own way: Arabella, far from being a modest, kind girl, pretends to be a rich heiress in order to “show his place” to a man who believed she wanted to ensnare him due to his wealth; Hero from Friday’s Child and Horatia from The Convenient Marriage both do not end but begin the story through marriage, and the plot unfolds as they slowly realize (and their respective spouses, too) that they have married the right person after all.

Finding Love in an Unexpected Place

In The Convenient Marriage, the Earl of Rule is ready to marry a certain girl to make a match, arranged years earlier, with a poor but very aristocratic family; it is on meeting her younger sister that he realizes “he does want to ally himself with the family”, to put it in his words.

In The Quiet Gentleman, as he has to deal with conspiracies and attempted murder, the protagonist Gervase Frant learns to put his trust in a female he first found dull, and who is not aristocratic the way he is.

In Sylvester or The Wicked Uncle, the Duke of Salford is at first disappointed by Phoebe, the girl his mother and her friend had chosen for him, and she doesn’t like him any better; they have to live through a number of adventures, together with friends and family, until they realize that they fit together perfectly.

In Sprig Muslin, Sir Gareth Ludlow overcomes his grief over his lost fiancé due to being responsible for Amanda, a girl of similar temper, and getting the chance to compare her to Lady Hester, a shy, unremarkable woman whom he liked but did not appreciate enough before. A beloved theme of Heyer’s romances is brought up here, too: having the same sense of humour shows to be indicative for two people fitting together.

In Charity Girl, notorious bachelor Viscount Desford gets involved both with a very beautiful girl named Lucasta and another, quite helpless damsel named Cherry, but none of them turn out to be right; instead, he finally realizes that Henrietta, an old friend of his, whom he had not wanted to marry years earlier, is the right mate for him after all.

In Faro’s Daughter, Mr Ravenscar gets interested in Deborah, a girl who works in a gaming house, which makes her free game to all men who visit it although she is a decent girl and only wants to earn a living for herself and the aunt who owns to place. A parallel is made through the protagonist’s niece Arabella, forever being in love with one guy or another but then refraining at the last moment. Finally, her uncle gives her a sound advice: that only if she will meet a man whom she will be ready to introduce to her family, she will know that he is the right man.

In False Colours, twin brothers Kit and Evelyn literally switch their places, one of them finding the right girl in the process by getting to know his brother’s prospected bride.

In The Foundling, the Duke of Sale is all but pushed to make an offer for Harriet, a girl he likes but is not in love with; but as he lives through some adventures and meets Belinda, who is very beautiful but also superficial, he learns to appreciate his future bride better and to realize that he would not want to be married to anyone else.

The Wrong Match

In An Infamous Army, Lady Worth wants to match up Colonel Charles Audley with Lucy, but then has to find out that the sweet, innocent-looking damsel is already secretly married, and that the temperamental Lady Barbara whom she had not liked for him is exactly what he needs since she has courage and straightforwardness.

Not Falling in Love at All

In A Civil Contract, Viscount Lynton, heir of an impoverished family, marries the shy and average-looking Jenny, the daughter of a rich, vulgar merchant to keep his family out of debt; she loves him but is aware of the fact that he does not requite her feelings, since he secretly loves Julia, a beautiful woman who does not have much money of her own. It is only as the plot thickens, the woman he loves marries another man and his wife gives him a son that he realizes “his Jenny” is the best wife he could have found.

Falling Out of Love

In Friday’s Child, Lord Sheringham believes to be in love with Isabella, an acclaimed beauty, until he has lived for a while with Hero, the young woman he had married on a whim. “Bella with her airs and graces, her moods and her sharp tongue! No, thank you!”

Isabella on the other hand was about to contrive a brilliant match, but good sense makes her refuse it after all. “When I thought how my life would be, that I would have to spend the rest of my life with him… oh, I could not!”

In The Grand Sophy, Cecilia is besotted with Augustus, a very romantic but unreliable young man. After a trying period spent nursing her small sister, who was critically ill, she finally realizes that the less romantic but more worthy Lord Charlbury who had offered for her in the first place is a much better partner for her.

In Cotillon, Kitty enters a fake engagement to teach a lesson to Jack, the man she is in love with; but when she comes to London for a while and learns more about him and the world, she slowly realizes that she was in love with a figment of her imagination, and that Freddy, the man she is engaged to, is a much better person.

“He seemed like all the heroes in the book, but I soon found that he is not like them at all.” “No. I’m afraid I ain’t either.” “Of course not! No one is.”

Heyer’s chief oeuvre in this respect is in my opinion Bath Tangle, where Serena and Lord Rotherham, both hot-tempered protagonists get engaged to someone much gentler than them, only for them to realize that they would not be happy with them. The heroine’s fiancé Hector gives her up amicably, having also found a much better life partner.

“You are a grander creature than I even imagined.” “And you are the kindest and best of men, but not my love!”

The “Pride and Prejudice” Trope

The themes of Jane Austen’s famous novel is upended in Faro’s Daughter, where it is the man who has a strong prejudice against the girl, whom he inevitably believes to be a scheming, money-grabbing minx because she earns her living in a gaming house. The girl on the other hand has strong personal pride and would never accept money from anyone, or accept marrying or becoming the mistress of a man for whom she doesn’t care. Far from declaring his devotion to her, the man insults the woman repeatedly, before he finally realizes his mistake and also that she is the right mate for him.

The Beauty and the Beast Trope

In Black Sheep, the protagonists Abby and Fanny are aunt and niece, both at the same time in love with two members of the Calverleigh family who both have a bad reputation; but while Beauty (the niece) has to realize that the man she had fallen for was only after her fortune, non-Beauty (the not quite so pretty, but intelligent aunt) realizes that the uncommon Miles who gives nothing on society’s standards does care for people, and that he is the broad-minded, worldly-wise partner she exactly needs.

In Venetia, the person falling out of love is a Edward Yardley, a sidekick, who really ends up being disillusioned; but the story had made it abundantly clear that he had been a fool all along to believe that he and the protagonist would suit. Venetia, the Beauty, has to find out that she cannot tame the Beast Lord Damerel, and that she wouldn’t want to do it additionally. The Beast is not a bad man but someone who does not fit in with society; which makes him ideal for her since she does not, either.

This trope is brought to a climax in Lady of Quality, where the protagonist Annis, who never felt the slightest interest in the gentlemen she met, on getting to know the rude but protective and straightforward Oliver finally gets to fall in love, despite the fact that they argue frequently. At one time she muses that “Surely kindred spirits did not quarrel?” only to then add mentally, with a little self-irony, “How mawkish!”

If you are tired of Jane Austens’ prim heroines and the Brontë sister’s drama, I invite you: give Georgette Heyer a try. Her novels are entertaining but neither flat nor sentimental, and I always find new layers and aspects in them when I reread them after a few years. Her heroes of course live in an idealized world, but it’s just what you might need after a hard day’s work. 😊

[otunnicliffe]

Chloe + Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone

Chapter Nine: The Midnight Duel

'Shall we carry on?' McGonagall adds.

Everyone nods. 

'Mr Lovegood, would you like to read?' Dumbledore asks. 

Xenophilius nods wordlessly, before sitting down and taking the book carefully. 'This chapter is called 'The Midnight Duel''

'Duel?' James asked, his head popping up in uncertainty. 

Harry had never believed he would meet a boy he hated more than Dudley, but that was before he met Draco Malfoy.

'Sounds about right,' Arabella scorns. 

Chloe was starting to get more aggravated with Mattheo Riddle by the day.

'Good, stay away from him,' James announced. 

He had taken to calling her 'little lion,' and Lorenzo had taken to call Clemensia the same and Theodore the same for Catherine.

'Original,' Remus scorned, rolling his eyes. 

Still, first-year Gryffindors only had Potions with the Slytherins, so they didn't have to put up with them much. Or at least, they didn't until they spotted a notice pinned up in the Gryffindor common room that made them all groan. Flying lessons would be starting on Thursday -- and Gryffindor and Slytherin would be learning together.

'Flying is exciting though,' James interjected. 

"Typical," said Harry darkly. "Just what I always wanted. To make a fool of myself on a broomstick in front of Malfoy.'

'And me in front of Mattheo,' Chloe added, putting her head against the wall. 

They had been looking forward to learning to fly more than anything else.

'I hope they're good at it,' James says to Gwendolyn quietly. 

"You don't know that you'll make a fool of yourself," said Ron reasonably.

"Anyway, I know Malfoy's always going on about how good he is at Quidditch, but I bet that's all talk." Clemensia added, rolling her eyes at the boy. 

Malfoy certainly did talk about flying a lot. He complained loudly about first years never getting on the house Quidditch teams and told long, boastful stories that always seemed to end with him narrowly escaping Muggles in helicopters. Even Mattheo, Theodore and Lorenzo sometimes looked as though they didn't even believe him.

'So he's a liar just like his father then,' Sirius scorns. 

He wasn't the only one, though: the way Seamus Finnigan told it, he'd spent most of his childhood zooming around the countryside on his broomstick. Even Ron would tell anyone who'd listen about the time he'd almost hit a hang glider on Charlie's old broom. Clemensia and Catherine often told Chloe about their childhood together, playing on broomsticks.

Kimberly and Arabella smiled at each other at this. 

Everyone from wizarding families talked about Quidditch constantly. Ron had already had a big argument with Dean Thomas, who shared their dormitory, about football. Ron couldn't see what was exciting about a game with only one ball where no one was allowed to fly. Harry had caught Ron prodding Dean's poster of West Ham football team, trying to make the players move.

Gwendolyn giggled at this. 

Neville had never been on a broomstick in his life, because his grandmother had never let him near one. Privately, Harry told Chloe that he felt she'd had good reason, because Neville managed to have an extraordinary number of accidents even with both feet on the ground.

'Poor Neville,' Molly said, looking at Alice sadly. 

Hermione Granger was almost as nervous about flying as Neville was.

'At least there's something she's not naturally good at,' Peter remarked. 

This was something you couldn't learn by heart out of a book -- not that she hadn't tried. At breakfast on Thursday she bored them all stupid with flying tips she'd gotten out of a library book called Quidditch Through the Ages. Neville was hanging on to her every word, desperate for anything that might help him hang on to his broomstick later, but everybody else was very pleased when Hermione's lecture was interrupted by the arrival of the mail. 

Neither Chloe or Harry had received a single letter since Hagrid's note, something that Malfoy had been quick to notice, of course. Malfoy's eagle owl was always bringing him packages of sweets from home, which he opened gloatingly at the Slytherin table. As was Theodore's snowy white owl, and Lorenzo's pygmy owl. Mattheo would sometimes receive packages from the same owl as Malfoy's but far less often than the other three Slytherin boys. 

'Is it bad that I feel a bit bad for him?' Gwendolyn asked James. 'I mean he didn't ask to be You-Know-Who's son.'

'I think you're far too positive of people sometimes,' James answered, honestly but with no real malice behind his words.

A barn owl brought Neville a small package from his grandmother. He opened it excitedly and showed them a glass ball the size of a large marble, which seemed to be full of white smoke.

'A Remembrall, sounds like he needs it,' Regulus mentioned to Barty. 

"It's a Remembrall!" he explained. "Gran knows I forget things -- this tells you if there's something you've forgotten to do. Look, you hold it tight like this and if it turns red -- oh..." His face fell, because the Remembrall had suddenly glowed scarlet, "You've forgotten something..."

'You'll figure it out soon, Neville...' Chloe told him kindly, Catherine and Clemensia nodding in agreement. 

Neville was trying to remember what he'd forgotten when Draco Malfoy, who was passing the Gryffindor table, snatched the Remembrall out of his hand, the other three Slytherin boys not far behind. Harry and Ron jumped to their feet. They were half hoping for a reason to fight Malfoy, but Professor McGonagall, who could spot trouble quicker than any teacher in the school, was there in a flash.

'Sounds about right for Minnie,' Sirius jibes, jokingly. 

"What's going on?" "Malfoy's got my Remembrall, Professor." Scowling, Malfoy quickly dropped the Remembrall back on the table. "Just looking," he said, and he sloped away with Crabbe and Goyle behind him.

'See you at flying little lions,' Theodore spoke up, reminding them that he, Mattheo and Lorenzo were still there. 

'Can't wait to see you fall off your brooms, Potters,' Lorenzo added, an evil smirk upon his face. Mattheo merely laughed at his friends antics.

'Piss of, would you?' Catherine said, rolling her eyes at them. 

'That's my girl,' Kimberly joked, seeming proud. 

'I look forward to seeing you fail as well, Lupin,' Mattheo sneered before the trio walked away. 

At three-thirty that afternoon, Harry, Ron, Chloe, Clemensia, Catherine and the other Gryffindors hurried down the front steps onto the grounds for their first flying lesson. It was a clear, breezy day, and the grass rippled under their feet as they marched down the sloping lawns toward a smooth, flat lawn on the opposite side of the grounds to the forbidden forest, whose trees were swaying darkly in the distance.

The Slytherins were already there, and so were twenty six broomsticks lying in neat lines on the ground. The twins had both heard Fred and George Weasley complain about the school brooms, saying that some of them started to vibrate if you flew too high, or always flew slightly to the left.

Their teacher, Madam Hooch, arrived. She had short, grey hair, and yellow eyes like a hawk. "Well, what are you all waiting for?" she barked. "Everyone stand by a broomstick. Come on, hurry up." Chloe ended up next to Mattheo, who smiled at her snarkily. She looked opposite and saw Clemensia and Catherine standing next to each other, Theodore to the other side of Catherine and Lorenzo to the other side of Clemensia. 

Chloe glanced down at her broom. It was old and some of the twigs stuck out at odd angles.

'I'm so glad I haven't been on one of them since first year,' James added. 

'Normal brooms are much better than these,' Chloe heard Mattheo telling her. 'Still, it'll be fun to see you fall off, no matter the broom, little lion.'

Before Chloe could retort anything back at the raven haired boy, Madam Hooch spoke up again. 

'Shame, I was looking forward to seeing what she had to say,' Pandora says. 

"Stick out your right hand over your broom," called Madam Hooch at the front, "and say 'Up!"'

"UP'' everyone shouted.

Chloe's broom jumped into her hand at once, but it was one of the few that did. Clemensia's and Catherine's had, as well as the three Slytherin boys. Mattheo looked at Chloe, surprised. She just smiled sweetly at him.

'Kill him with kindness,' Alice said. 

Harry's had too. Hermione Granger's had simply rolled over on the ground, and Neville's hadn't moved at all. Perhaps brooms, like horses, could tell when you were afraid, thought Harry; there was a quaver in Neville's voice that said only too clearly that he wanted to keep his feet on the ground.

Madam Hooch then showed them how to mount their brooms without sliding off the end, and walked up and down the rows correcting their grips. Harry and Ron were delighted when she told Malfoy he'd been doing it wrong for years. 

'Obsessed with my son,' Lucius scorns. 

"Now, when I blow my whistle, you kick off from the ground, hard," said Madam Hooch. "Keep your brooms steady, rise a few feet, and then come straight back down by leaning forward slightly. On my whistle -- three -- two --" But Neville,

'Oh no,' Alice lamented, looking at Frank.

nervous and jumpy and frightened of being left on the ground, pushed off hard before the whistle had touched Madam Hooch's lips.

"Come back, boy!" she shouted, but Neville was rising straight up like a cork shot out of a bottle -- twelve feet -- twenty feet. Chloe and Harry saw his scared white face look down at the ground falling away, saw him gasp, slip sideways off the broom and --

WHAM -- a thud and a nasty crack and Neville lay facedown on the grass in a heap.

'Bless him,' Andromeda said, feeling slightly bad for the boy.

His broomstick was still rising higher and higher, and started to drift lazily toward the forbidden forest and out of sight.

Madam Hooch was bending over Neville, her face as white as his. "Broken wrist," Harry heard her mutter. "Come on, boy -- it's all right, up you get.". She turned to the rest of the class. "None of you is to move while I take this boy to the hospital wing! You leave those brooms where they are or you'll be out of Hogwarts before you can say 'Quidditch.' Come on, dear." Neville, his face tear-streaked, clutching his wrist, hobbled off with Madam Hooch, who had her arm around him.

No sooner were they out of earshot than Malfoy burst into laughter. "Did you see his face, the great lump?" The other Slytherins joined in.

'Horrible boy!' Molly scolded. 

"Shut up, Malfoy," snapped Parvati Patil.

"Ooh, sticking up for Longbottom?" said Pansy Parkinson, a hard-faced Slytherin girl. "Never thought you'd like fat little crybabies, Parvati."

'Shove it Parkinson,' Clemensia sneered, staring down the Slytherin.

"Look!" said Malfoy, darting forward and snatching something out of the grass. "It's that stupid thing Longbottom's gran sent him." The Remembrall glittered in the sun as he held it up.

"Give that here, Malfoy," said Chloe quietly. Everyone stopped talking to watch.

Malfoy smiled nastily. "I think I'll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find -- how about -- up a tree?"

"Give it here!" Harry yelled, but Malfoy had leapt onto his broomstick and taken off. He hadn't been lying, he could fly well. Hovering level with the topmost branches of an oak he called, "Come and get it, Potters!"

Harry grabbed his broom. Chloe sighed and grabbed hers too.

'No,' Gwendolyn sighed. 

"No!" shouted Hermione Granger. "Madam Hooch told us not to move -- you'll get us all into trouble."

Chloe and Harry ignored her. Blood was pounding in Harry's ears. He mounted the broom and kicked hard against the ground and up, up he soared; air rushed through his hair, and his robes whipped out behind him -and in a rush of fierce joy he realized he'd found something he could do without being taught -- this was easy, this was wonderful. He pulled his broomstick up a little to take it even higher, and heard screams and gasps of girls back on the ground and an admiring whoop from Ron.

'Chloe don't!' She looked and saw that Mattheo was warning her. 

'Sorry Riddle, I have to help my brother,' and she to took off. Her feeling was the same as Harry's; this was easy! 

'Both of my children are natural fliers,' James said, proud. 

The admiring whoops this time came from Clemensia and Catherine, with Ron still whooping anyway. 

She turned her broomstick sharply to face Malfoy in midair. Malfoy looked stunned at the twins.

"Give it here," Chloe called.

"Or we'll knock you off that broom!" Harry added.

'You tell them kids!' James said, looking immensely proud.

"Oh, yeah?" said Malfoy, trying to sneer, but looking worried.

'Coward, just like his father,' Arabella whispered to Sirius. 

The twins both knew, somehow, what to do. They both leaned forward and grasped their respective brooms tightly in both hands, and it shot toward Malfoy like a javelin. Malfoy only just got out of the way in time; Chloe and Harry made a sharp about-face and held the broom steady. A few people below were clapping.

"No Crabbe and Goyle up here to save your neck, Malfoy," Harry called.

'Or Riddle, Nott or even Berkshire,' Chloe added. 

The same thought seemed to have struck Malfoy. "Catch it if you can, then!" he shouted, and he threw the glass ball high into the air and streaked back toward the ground.

Harry saw, as though in slow motion, the ball rise up in the air and then start to fall. Chloe leaned forward and pointed her broom handle down, managing to somehow catch the Remembrall in her hand, before chucking it over to her brother. It was a mighty throw, it flew across the air, amazing even Chloe herself. Harry leaned forward and pointed his broom handle down -- next second he was gathering speed in a steep dive, racing the ball -- wind whistled in his ears, mingled with the screams of people watching -- he stretched out his hand -- a foot from the ground he caught it, just in time to pull his broom straight, and he toppled gently onto the grass with the Remembrall clutched safely in his fist. Chloe soon joined him.

'That is impressive, for their first time on a broom,' Remus acknowledged. 

"CHLOE AND HARRY POTTER!''

Their hearts sank faster than they'd just dived. Professor McGonagall was running toward them. They got to his feet, trembling.

'Quidditch,' Chloe said, looking at her twin brother. 

"Never -- in all my time at Hogwarts --" Professor McGonagall was almost speechless with shock, and her glasses flashed furiously, "-- how dare you -- might have broken your neck --"

"It wasn't his fault, Professor --"

"Be quiet, Miss Patil''

"But Malfoy --"

"That's enough, Mr. Weasley. Potters, follow me, now."

'I just knew they'd get into trouble,' Gwendolyn announced.

Harry caught sight of Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle's triumphant faces as he left, Chloe catching Mattheo, Theodore and Lorenzo standing with Clemensia and Catherine looking dumbfounded, the pair walking numbly in Professor McGonagall's wake as she strode toward the castle. They was going to be expelled, they just knew it.

'I have a feeling they won't,' Pandora chimes. 

Harry wanted to say something to defend himself, but there seemed to be something wrong with his voice. Chloe just waked silently. Professor McGonagall was sweeping along without even looking at the pair; they had to jog to keep up. Now they'd done it. They hadn't even lasted two weeks. They'd be packing his bags in ten minutes. What would the Dursleys say when they turned up on the doorstep?

Up the front steps, up the marble staircase inside, and still Professor McGonagall didn't say a word to either of them. She wrenched open doors and marched along corridors with Chloe and Harry trotting miserably behind her. Maybe she was taking them to Dumbledore. They thought of Hagrid, expelled but allowed to stay on as gamekeeper. Perhaps they could be Hagrid's assistant. Their stomach twisted as they imagined it, watching Ron and the others becoming wizards, while they stumped around the grounds carrying Hagrid's bag.

'I'd end my life,' Lucius scorns. 

Professor McGonagall stopped outside a classroom. She opened the door and poked her head inside. "Excuse me, Professor Flitwick, could I borrow Wood for a moment?"

Wood? thought Harry, bewildered; was Wood a cane she was going to use on him?

Most people chuckled at this. 

But Wood turned out to be a person, a burly fifth-year boy who came out of Flitwick's class looking confused.

"Follow me, you three," said Professor McGonagall, and they marched on up the corridor, Wood looking curiously at Chloe and Harry. "In here.''

Professor McGonagall pointed them into a classroom that was empty except for Peeves, who was busy writing rude words on the blackboard. "Out, Peeves!" she barked. Peeves threw the chalk into a bin, which clanged loudly, and he swooped out cursing. Professor McGonagall slammed the door behind him and turned to face the two boys. "Potters, this is Oliver Wood. Wood -- I've found you a Chaser and a Seeker!''

James's face lit up. 'They're going to play Quidditch!' He said, excitement resonating in his voice. 

Wood's expression changed from puzzlement to delight. "Are you serious, Professor?"

"Absolutely," said Professor McGonagall crisply. "They're both naturals. I've never seen anything like it. Was that your first time on a broomstick, Potters?"

'I'm so proud right now,' James said. 

'We know,' Severus muttered.

Chloe and Harry looked at each other and both nodded silently. They didn't have a clue what was going on, but they didn't seem to be being expelled, and some of the feeling started coming back to his legs. "Se caught that thing in his hand after a fifty-foot dive," Professor McGonagall told Wood. "Didn't even scratch herself. And her throw was amazing, as was Mr. Potter's catch. Charlie Weasley couldn't have done it."

Wood was now looking as though all his dreams had come true at once. "Ever seen a game of Quidditch, Potter?" he asked excitedly.

"Wood's captain of the Gryffindor team," Professor McGonagall explained.

"He's just the build for a Seeker, too," said Wood, now walking around Harry and staring at him. "Light -- speedy -- and she's the perfect build for sneaking past defence.... we'll have to get them both a decent broom, Professor -- a Nimbus Two Thousand or a Cleansweep Seven, I'd say."

'If it were a Slytherin I bet this wouldn't have happened,' Bellatrix remarks. 

''I shall speak to Professor Dumbledore and see if we can't bend the first-year rule. Heaven knows, we need a better team than last year. Flattened in that last match by Slytherin, I couldn't look Severus Snape in the face for weeks...." Professor McGonagall peered sternly over her glasses at Chloe and Harry. "I want to hear you're training hard, Potters, or I may change my mind about punishing you." Then she suddenly smiled. "Your father would have been proud," she said. "He was an excellent Quidditch player himself."

'Awww minnie!' James cooed, proud. 

"You're joking."

It was dinnertime. Chloe and Harry had just finished telling Ron, Clemensia and Catherine what had happened when they'd left the grounds with Professor McGonagall. Ron had a piece of steak and kidney pie halfway to his mouth, but he'd forgotten all about it.

'Gross,' Narcissa gagged.

"Seeker? Chaser?" Catherine said. "But first years never -- you must both be the youngest house player-''

''-in about a century, said Harry, shoveling pie into his mouth. He felt particularly hungry after the excitement of the afternoon.

"Wood told us." Chloe added. 

'This is the best news out of this book by far,' James said.

Ron was so amazed, so impressed, he just sat and gaped at Harry. Clemensia and Catherine offered their congratulations quietly.

"We start training next week," said Harry.

"Only don't tell anyone,'' Chloe added. ''Wood wants to keep it a secret."

'Not surprised,' Remus remarked. 

Fred and George Weasley now came into the hall, spotted Chloe and Harry, and hurried over. "Well done you two," said George in a low voice. "Wood told us. We're on the team too -- Beaters."

"I tell you, we're going to win that Quidditch cup for sure this year," said Fred. "We haven't won since Charlie left, but this year's team is going to be brilliant. You must be good, Potters, Wood was almost skipping when he told us."

'This Wood seems to really love Quidditch,' Regulus remarked. 

"Anyway, we've got to go, Lee Jordan reckons he's found a new secret passageway out of the school."

"Bet it's that one behind the statue of Gregory the Smarmy that we found in our first week. See you."

Fred and George had hardly disappeared when someone far less welcome turned up: Malfoy, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle, the three other Slytherin boys not far behind.

'Bet he's gonna be envious when he finds out,' Sirius scorns. 

"Having a last meal, Potters? When are you getting the train back to the Muggles?"

'We're not leaving actually,' Chloe told them, to their surprise. 

"You're a lot braver now that you're back on the ground and you've got your little friends with you," said Harry coolly.

'That's my boy,' James said proudly. 

There was of course nothing at all little about Crabbe and Goyle, but as the High Table was full of teachers, neither of them could do more than crack their knuckles and scowl.

"I'd take you on anytime on my own," said Malfoy. "Tonight, if you want. Wizard's duel. Wands only -- no contact. What's the matter? Never heard of a wizard's duel before, I suppose?"

"Of course he has," said Ron, wheeling around. "I'm his second, who's yours?"

Malfoy looked at Crabbe and Goyle, sizing them up. "Crabbe," he said. "Midnight all right? We'll meet you in the trophy room; that's always unlocked."

'Another bad idea,' Gwendolyn huffed. 

When Malfoy had gone, Ron and Harry looked at each other.

'Ron!' groaned Catherine, 'You should have said no!'

'You know he's just doing it to get a rise out of you,' Clemensia added. 

"What is a wizard's duel?" said Harry. "And what do you mean, you're my second?"

"Well, a second's there to take over if you die," said Ron casually, getting started at last on his cold pie. Catching the look on Harry's face, he added quickly, "But people only die in proper duels, you know, with real wizards. The most you and Malfoy'll be able to do is send sparks at each other. Neither of you knows enough magic to do any real damage. I bet he expected you to refuse, anyway."

"And what if I wave my wand and nothing happens?"

"Throw it away and punch him on the nose," Clemensia suggested.

'Or just do that anyway,' Sirius remarked. 

"Excuse me." The five of them looked up. It was Hermione Granger.

"Can't a person eat in peace in this place?" said Ron.

Hermione ignored him and spoke to Harry. "I couldn't help overhearing what you and Malfoy were saying --"

"Bet you could," Ron muttered.

"--and you mustn't go wandering around the school at night, think of the points you'll lose Gryffindor if you're caught, and you're bound to be. It's really very selfish of you."

"And it's really none of your business," said Harry.

'Harry!' Chloe scolded. 

"Good-bye," said Ron.

'I feel kind of bad for Hermione,' Kimberly told Remus, 'She just wanted them to follow the rules.'

All the same, it wasn't what you'd call the perfect end to the day, Harry thought, as he lay awake much later listening to Dean and Seamus falling asleep (Neville wasn't back from the hospital wing). Ron had spent all evening giving him advice such as "If he tries to curse you, you'd better dodge it, because I can't remember how to block them." There was a very good chance they were going to get caught by Filch or Mrs. Norris, and Harry felt he was pushing his luck, breaking another school rule today. On the other hand, Malfoys sneering face kept looming up out of the darkness - this was his big chance to beat Malfoy face-to-face. He couldn't miss it.

'As I said, obsessed,' Lucius scorns. 

"Half-past eleven," Ron muttered at last, "we'd better go."

They pulled on their bathrobes, picked up their wands, and crept across the tower room, down the spiral staircase, and into the Gryffindor common room. A few embers were still glowing in the fireplace, turning all the armchairs into hunched black shadows. They had almost reached the portrait hole when a voice spoke from the chair nearest them, "I can't believe you're going to do this, Harry." A lamp flickered on. It was Hermione Granger, wearing a pink bathrobe and a frown.

"You!" said Ron furiously. "Go back to bed!"

'She made us three stay up too,' Clemensia scorned, staring at the girl, as Catherine and Chloe also appeared from the darkness. 

"I almost told your brother," Hermione snapped, "Percy -- he's a prefect, he'd put a stop to this." Harry couldn't believe anyone could be so interfering.

'And we've been stopping her,' Chloe interjected. 

'All night,' Catherine added, yawning loudly after. 

"Come on," he said to Ron. He pushed open the portrait of the Fat Lady and climbed through the hole. Hermione wasn't going to give up that easily. She followed Ron through the portrait hole, hissing at them like an angry goose, the other three girls close behind to drag her back in.

'At least they're there to stop her,' Sirius says. 

"Don't you care about Gryffindor, do you only care about yourselves, I don't want Slytherin to win the house cup, and you'll lose all the points I got from Professor McGonagall for knowing about Switching Spells."

"Go away."

"All right, but I warned you, you just remember what I said when you're on the train home tomorrow, you're so --" But what they were, they didn't find out. Hermione had turned to the portrait of the Fat Lady to get back inside and found herself facing an empty painting. The Fat Lady had gone on a night time visit and Hermione and the other girls were locked out of Gryffindor tower.

'Great, that's all of us trapped now!' Catherine sighed, clearly fed up with the girl.

"Now what am I going to do?" Hermione asked shrilly.

'Shouldn't have left the room in the first place,' Amos says.

"That's your problem," said Ron. "We've got to go, we're going to be late."

They hadn't even reached the end of the corridor when Hermione caught up with them, the other three girls not far behind. "I'm coming with you," she said.

"You are not." Ron scorned. 

"D'you think I'm going to stand out here and wait for Filch to catch us?'' Chloe interjected. 

''If he finds all three of us I'll tell him the truth, that I was trying to stop you, and you can back me up." Hermione added.

'Oh I'm sure he would,' Remus mentions sarcastically. 

"You've got some nerve --" said Ron loudly.

"Shut up, both of you!" said Harry sharply. I heard something."

It was a sort of snuffling. "Mrs. Norris?" breathed Ron, squinting through the dark.

'If they're caught already that's fast for Filch,' Sirius remarks to James. 

It wasn't Mrs. Norris. It was Neville. He was curled up on the floor, fast asleep,

Alice looked sadly at Frank again. 

but jerked suddenly awake as they crept nearer. "Thank goodness you found me! I've been out here for hours, I couldn't remember the new password to get in to bed."

"Keep your voice down, Neville.'' Clemensia whispered. 

''The password's 'Pig snout' but it won't help you now, the Fat Lady's gone off somewhere." Ron added. 

"How's your arm?" said Chloe.

'At least someone cares about his arm,' Frank remarks. 

"Fine," said Neville, showing them. "Madam Pomfrey mended it in about a minute."

"Good - well, look, Neville, we've got to be somewhere, we'll see you later --"

"Don't leave me!" said Neville, scrambling to his feet, "I don't want to stay here alone, the Bloody Baron's been past twice already."

Ron looked at his watch and then glared furiously at Hermione and Neville. "If either of you get us caught, I know Clemm, Chloe and Cath won't,

'At least he knows the girls won't,' Kimberly remarked. 

I'll never rest until I've learned that Curse of the Bogies Quirrell told us about, and used it on you.''

Hermione opened her mouth, perhaps to tell Ron exactly how to use the Curse of the Bogies, but Harry hissed at her to be quiet and beckoned them all forward.

They flitted along corridors striped with bars of moonlight from the high windows. At every turn Harry expected to run into Filch or Mrs. Norris, but they were lucky.

Gwendolyn let out a quick sigh of relief. 

They sped up a staircase to the third floor and tiptoed toward the trophy room. Malfoy and Crabbe weren't there yet.

'Because they aren't gonna turn up,' Regulus says, 'They just want them to get caught.'

The crystal trophy cases glimmered where the moonlight caught them. Cups, shields, plates, and statues winked silver and gold in the darkness. They edged along the walls, keeping their eyes on the doors at either end of the room. Harry took out his wand in case Malfoy leapt in and started at once. The minutes crept by.

'Have either of you two thought about the possibility that they were never going to turn up?' Catherine whispered, but was quickly shushed by Ron, whom she then gave a dirty look. 

'At least the girls have some sense,' Molly says. 'Not my son though.'

"He's late, maybe he's chickened out," Ron whispered.

'Me Chloe and Catherine knew this all along!' said Clemensia. 

Then a noise in the next room made them jump. Harry had only just raised his wand when they heard someone speak -and it wasn't Malfoy. "Sniff around, my sweet, they might be lurking in a corner." It was Filch speaking to Mrs. Norris. Horror-struck, Harry waved madly at the other six to follow him as quickly as possible; they scurried silently toward the door, away from Filch's voice. Neville's robes had barely whipped round the corner when they heard Filch enter the trophy room. "They're in here somewhere," they heard him mutter, "probably hiding."

'Knew it,' Regulus whispered to Barty, feeling proud of himself. 

"This way!" Harry mouthed to the others and, petrified, they began to creep down a long gallery full of suits of armour. They could hear Filch getting nearer. Neville suddenly let out a frightened squeak and broke into a run -he tripped, grabbed Ron around the waist, and the pair of them toppled right into a suit of armour.

'Oh no, why is it always my son?' Alice asks, feeling bad for the boy. 

The clanging and crashing were enough to wake the whole castle.

"RUN!" Clemensia yelled, and the seven of them sprinted down the gallery, not looking back to see whether Filch was following -- they swung around the doorpost and galloped down one corridor then another, Harry in the lead, without any idea where they were or where they were going -- they ripped through a tapestry and found themselves in a hidden passageway, hurtled along it and came out near their Charms classroom, which they knew was miles from the trophy room.

"I think we've lost him," Chloe panted, leaning against the cold wall and wiping her forehead. Neville was bent double, wheezing and spluttering.

'Lucky escape again,' Gwendolyn said. 'From the look of things they're gonna have a lot of that.'

I -- told -you," Hermione gasped, clutching at the stitch in her chest, "I -- told -- you."

"We've got to get back to Gryffindor tower," said Ron, "quickly as possible."

'I agree with that,' Arthur says. 'Don't get into more trouble.'

"Malfoy tricked you," Hermione said to Harry. "You realize that, don't you? He was never going to meet you -- Filch knew someone was going to be in the trophy room, Malfoy must have tipped him off."

'That's exactly what we've been saying Hermione,' Clemensia said, still panting slightly. 

"Let's go." Harry said. It wasn't going to be that simple.

'It never is,' groaned Arabella. 

They hadn't gone more than a dozen paces when a doorknob rattled and something came shooting out of a classroom in front of them. It was Peeves.

'The worst thing imaginable to see in this situation,' Amos remarked. 

He caught sight of them and gave a squeal of delight.

"Shut up, Peeves -- please -- you'll get us thrown out." Catherine pleaded. 

Peeves cackled. "Wandering around at midnight, Ickle Firsties? Tut, tut, tut. Naughty, naughty, you'll get caughty."

"Not if you don't give us away, Peeves, please." Chloe added. 

"Should tell Filch, I should," said Peeves in a saintly voice, but his eyes glittered wickedly. "It's for your own good, you know."

"Get out of the way," snapped Ron, taking a swipe at Peeves this was a big mistake.

'That is a big mistake,' Molly sighs, annoyed at her son in the book. 

"STUDENTS OUT OF BED!" Peeves bellowed, "STUDENTS OUT OF BED DOWN THE CHARMS CORRIDOR"

Ducking under Peeves, they ran for their lives, right to the end of the corridor where they slammed into a door -- and it was locked.

"This is it!" Ron moaned, as they pushed helplessly at the door, "We're done for! This is the end!" They could hear footsteps, Filch running as fast as he could toward Peeves's shouts.

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wand, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The lock clicked and the door swung open -- they piled through it, shut it quickly, and pressed their ears against it, listening. "Which way did they go, Peeves?" Filch was saying. "Quick, tell me."

"Say 'please."'

"Don't mess with me, Peeves, now where did they go?"

"Shan't say nothing if you don't say please," said Peeves in his annoying singsong voice.

'It is annoying,' Bellatrix agrees. 

"All right -please."

"NOTHING! Ha haaa! Told you I wouldn't say nothing if you didn't say please! Ha ha! Haaaaaa!"

Sirius chortled at this. 

And they heard the sound of Peeves whooshing away and Filch cursing in rage.

"He thinks this door is locked," Harry whispered. "I think we'll be okay -- get off, Neville!" For Neville had been tugging on the sleeve of Harry's bathrobe for the last minute.

"What?" Harry turned around -- and saw, quite clearly, what. For a moment, he was sure he'd walked into a nightmare -- this was too much, on top of everything that had happened so far. They weren't in a room, as he had supposed. They were in a corridor. The forbidden corridor on the third floor. And now they knew why it was forbidden.

Everyone shot up, mixed reactions around the room... all wanting to hear why the room was forbidden. 

They were looking straight into the eyes of a monstrous dog, a dog that filled the whole space between ceiling and floor. It had three heads.

'What in Merlin's name is that doing in Hogwarts!' James seethes, looking at Dumbledore, again angry. 

'Why do you need a three headed dog in a room?' Pandora asked, quizzically. 

Three pairs of rolling, mad eyes; three noses, twitching and quivering in their direction; three drooling mouths, saliva hanging in slippery ropes from yellowish fangs. It was standing quite still, all six eyes staring at them, and Harry knew that the only reason they weren't already dead was that their sudden appearance had taken it by surprise, but it was quickly getting over that, there was no mistaking what those thunderous growls meant.

Chloe groped for the doorknob -- between Filch and death, she'd take Filch.

'Me too,' Arabella agreed. 

They fell backward -- Catherine slammed the door shut, and they ran, they almost flew, back down the corridor. Filch must have hurried off to look for them somewhere else, because they didn't see him anywhere, but they hardly cared -- all they wanted to do was put as much space as possible between them and that monster. They didn't stop running until they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady on the seventh floor. "Where on earth have you all been?" she asked, looking at their bathrobes hanging off their shoulders and their flushed, sweaty faces.

"Never mind that -- pig snout, pig snout," panted Harry, and the portrait swung forward.

They scrambled into the common room and collapsed, trembling, into armchairs. It was a while before any of them said anything. Neville, indeed, looked as if he'd never speak again.

'I'm not surprised by that,' Molly said angrily. 'What on earth is that thing needed for in Hogwarts?'

'I think that's the plot, to discover it,' Kimberly says, thinking aloud. 

"What do they think they're doing, keeping a thing like that locked up in a school?" said Ron finally. "If any dog needs exercise, that one does."

Hermione had got both her breath and her bad temper back again. "You don't use your eyes, any of you, do you?" she snapped. "Didn't you see what it was standing on.''

"The floor?" Harry suggested. "I wasn't looking at its feet, I was too busy with its heads."

James chuckled a bit at this, but he was still obviously angry. 

"No, not the floor. It was standing on a trapdoor. It's obviously guarding something." Chloe recalled, and Clemensia and Catherine nodded, having obviously seen it too. 

Hermione then stood up, glaring at them. ''I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed -- or worse, expelled. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to bed."

'I think being killed is worse, but whatever,' Peter says. 

Ron stared after her, his mouth open. "No, we don't mind," he said. "You'd think we dragged her along, wouldn't you.

But the revelation had given Chloe and Harry something else to think about as he climbed back into bed, after exchanging their respective good nights and going their separate ways. The dog was guarding something.... What had Hagrid said? Gringotts was the safest place in the world for something you wanted to hide -- except perhaps Hogwarts.

'And I'm assuming the next few weeks are going to render that to nothing,' Remus whispers to Kimberly. 

It looked as though Chloe Harry had found out where the grubby little package from vault seven hundred and thirteen was.

'That's the end of the chapter,' Xenophilius announced. 

'But what's the grubby package?' Amos asked. 

'The Philosophers Stone, it has to be,' Gwendolyn speaks, and everyone turns to look at her. 

'But what is that?' Molly asks. 

'I think we discover that in the book,' Gwendolyn added. 

'Miss Evans is quite right, and if we continue on you can find out faster,' McGonagall says, breaking up the chatter immediately. 

'Let us continue on then,' Dumbledore announces.

-----

@helendeath

[blackjackkent]

All right, more Rakha adventures today. She's had a really wild couple days, what with Alfira dying, and then Arabella not dying, and then Wyll turning into a devil, but on the bright side hopefully she's about to have a nice, relaxing long rest--

Narrator: Tonight, you can't chase the thoughts of that poor girl you killed from your head.

It always seems to be much worse when she sleeps. When she is up and moving, it is a little easier to make some distinction between her own active choices and the mindless blood-hunger of the beast. At night, when she closes her eyes, everything surges to the forefront. There's no relaxation, no pleasant oblivion, no sense of rejuvenation for the coming day.

There is only blood.

Narrator: You wonder what she looked like as she died. Squirming. Skewered, in abject agony.

She shivers. The beast's hunger for the image is unmistakable. She feels the lingering ache in her arm from the stab and stab and stab into Alfira's ripped and ruined torso.

Can't sleep. Not like this.

Go for a walk, to try and stop yourself from retching.

She sits up slowly, feeling a strange distance from her own body. It's disquieting, unsettling. With a sudden burst of energy she surges to her feet, leaves the bedroll, stalks off towards the edge of camp. She feels on the edge of her own control, and should she slip... she does not want her companions within reach...

-----

Narrator: Your body barely complies. You feel such rushes from your thoughts of the dead woman. Why did she die? The mystery gnaws at your pounding heart.

She paces the far edge of the cave where they have made camp. Her legs are trembling, the steady rhythm of her footsteps hiccuping occasionally as she wrestles with the dark thoughts. She has no answers, but the images swirl in her mind, flashes of Alfira's face, contorted with agony, screaming up at her in the darkness.

She is so deeply within herself that she almost doesn't register the soft sound of a footstep behind her.

"Milady? Jubilant day! I have found your vile self at last!"

The voice - a high, keening, slightly obsequious whine - almost sends Rakha out of her skin. The taut-pulled strain between her and the darkness in her head snaps, and she turns with a sudden harsh roar and lashes out with a blind, frenzied strike behind her.

KILL. BLOOD. RIP HIS FACE OFF. SHOW ME HIS GUTS.

She misses, of course - partly because the source of the voice is almost three feet shorter than she is, and also because the unexpected visitor dodges backwards with a deft agility that suggests he might have expected the blow.

She sucks in a hoarse breath and steps backwards, pulling herself to a sudden trembling stillness. Her fists clench at her sides so strongly that she feels her nails drawing blood in her palms.

The visitor is like nothing she has yet seen since she woke up. About the size of the halfling they met selling goods in the grove, but with a skeletal, angular face with sharp nose, ears, and chin, all in strange, elongated proportions. His fingers are long, with two-inch claws. He wears a ragged jacket that looks as if it was once fine, and a similarly battered top hat.

"Sceleritas Fel," he says with a half-bow, clutching his hands in front of his chest. "Your loyal and ever-adoring butler. I followed you, my dear rotted Master. We have been parted so tragically long!"

Rakha stares at him, her chest heaving, her eyes wide. What?

In the best of circumstances, this incredibly strange speech would take time to parse. As it is, the words filter in only slowly past the angry roar percolating in her head, the instinct that wants to pull the creature's head from its shoulders for interrupting her.

Milady. An expression of deference. He is a butler, which means almost nothing to Rakha except that it seems to go along with that subservient attitude. And he has followed her. They have been parted.

He knows her. The realization goes through her like a lightning bolt. The beast urge in her head recedes just slightly at this revelation, at the possibility of answers.

She hisses out her breath between her teeth, loosens her jaw enough to speak.

"My head is sick. Very sick. Do you know about it?" she asks hoarsely.

The little creature hunches his shoulders with an ingratiating eagerness. "Ooooft," he says, with an air of deep sympathy. "I had heard of Milady's indisposition. But I had hoped the rumors were untrue."

Then he perks up visibly, his smile spreading wide across his skeletal face. "No matter! We will get you back to committing five villainous acts before breakfast in no time!"

He hops up to sit on a nearby rock, his legs dangling off it as he watches her with frank admiration. "I found you, following the stench of that bard." He draws a long, appreciative breath through his nose, makes a satisfied noise. "Ah... she reeked across the coast like a piece of dog-muck on the road."

The bard. So he knows not only her but what she has done since the nautiloid crash. How long has he been following her? "Did you cause me to kill her?" she rasps. Her fists, which were starting to loosen, clench again sharply. Did you put this beast in my head?

Sceleritas seems to interpret this question entirely differently than she means it, as his smile, if anything, seems to widen and become even more obsequious. "Such fine work could never be done by a wretch like me..." he croons.

The Weave shifts and twists around him with a sudden prismatic shimmer, tinged sharply with red. She watches, with so much astonishment that for a moment the fury recedes entirely, as he sticks a hand out in her direction.

There's a flare of harsh red light. An object slowly shimmers into being in his palm - a thick, red cloak of what appears to be some kind of very fine fabric. "Anyway," he says cheerfully, "I come once again bearing a part of your dreadful inheritance. You earned this iniquitous prize through your great show of exceptional violence the other night."

It's almost like talking to Gale; the words flow over her, bewildering, slightly too rapid to follow. But she can catch the gist. This creature knows what she did, and he is pleased. He offers this cloak as a reward.

She reaches out slowly, fists her fingers into the fabric and draws it from his hand. It falls in a heavy cascade to hang between them.

Scleritas looks pleased. "I'm sure Master will be better soon," he purrs ingratiatingly. "A fellow of your fine breeding is never down for long. I cannot wait until your next act of shameless barbarity."

Her knuckles turn pale as she squeezes the cloak's edge between her fingers. Enough of this dancing about. This creature has the answers she needs; she cannot allow him to deflect her from them. "You're going to tell me *everything* about my past life," she snarls.

If he hears the threat in her voice, he is entirely unbothered by it. His eyes narrow in what seems to be gleeful amusement. "Though I would love to regale you with past triumphs," he says with an apologetic shrug, "I cannot. I am forbidden to interfere. Our *betters*--" He leans on the word with evident significance that is completely lost on Rakha. "--will not allow it."

He leans forward conspiratorially. "Be true to yourself, my Lady," he instructs.

He takes a step backwards. She can see the flare of the Weave around him again, the burst of magic.

He's leaving. NO. She lashes out a hand, going for his collar, intending to grab him, hurl him against the wall, demand answers - everything he is refusing to tell her, about her past and her memories and the beast in her head - and tear a piece from him for every answer he denies.

But he slips through her fingers, vanishes in a surge of red light, and her fist closes on empty air.

"RrrrrrrraaaaaRRRRRRGHHHHHH!" She screams with harsh rage and blinding frustration and falls to her knees. So close... so near to answers, and instead just more, and more, and more questions...

Who was he? Who sent him? What does he know that he did not tell her?

One things is unsettlingly clear. She does have a history, and that blood-rage is a key part of it. Someone is watching her. Someone knows what she did and sees it with pleasure.

And she has absolutely no idea who, or why, or what to do about it.

[bellatrixnightshade]

Masquerade of life and Death idea excerpts

He didn’t believe what was said to him. Her life for his? It was absurd. She survived too much just to learn that she would die so soon. She seemed healthy as of now, even after… well, he didn’t want to think about that. But perhaps– could it have been that thing which damned her? Was Death tricking them all, just finding any excuse to get her? Also, some other disturbing prophecies from those blasted seers were eating away at his mind. Prevention was the best measure. Those things didn’t have to come true if Rafal was careful enough. She didn’t have to die if he could watch out for things that could possibly kill her. 

and:

Of all the ideas on earth they could think she was, they decided to believe she was a succubus and send her back to hell with the flames. Rafal was now less hated, though still punished for following the wicked path of dark magic and vice. But it was mostly her being a demon and luring him in. Maybe she would have laughed about it if she wasn’t about to burn. Maybe she would have made some retort, such as St. Laurence being burned to death and going to Heaven rather than Hell. But in this inconvenient situation, it would only make matters worse.  She could spot that one particular Midas in the crowd, giving Rafal a “I told you so” kind of look. And he wasn’t wrong in doing so. Only, she wished he could use his clever little brain to help instead of– “Thanks a lot, Blanche,” Rafal hissed, interrupting her wild stream of thoughts. “You seriously associated yourself with the Elders of this town? Not even a commoner. The religious leaders who have sway over this entire community.” “How rich of you to say such things,” she spat. “You were the one being so obvious with that poor young Arabella. You’re lucky none of the others followed us here, considering the fact we are supposed to be engaged.” “Our engagement is an act. They know that already.” “Yes, but everyone else outside our little circle, such as your prudish, stiff-necked family, doesn’t. But you should keep your mouth shut because we are running out of time. They are approaching us with matches and probably will spare us by a few minutes with some ridiculous speech.” “I wasn’t saying anything unimportant.” “Hypocrisy and ego are very unimportant things, if you’re asking me. But you never do, so I won’t waste my time beating a dead horse.

these may be edited when they have a final draft with a set plot but here are things i definitely want in my fic.

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

Omg I missed doing this !! 💺anon

"probably won’t, but uhm I want him to, so that’s enough" Yeah no we're getting married, no questions asked. (Also because I headcanon he would love callling us 'my wife')

He can send me photos of his hands any day!! (we send him a photo of our thighs and he sends us one of his hands?? I see what you did there)

HE'S SO SOFT Omg and I feel like if you catch at him he actually won't look away (as if he's been caught staring)

"im thinking we’ll just stare at him quizzically" and he just has the most shitting grin resting on his face

"he’d enter a zone and wouldn’t hear anything anyone else is saying" Lem would have to help us because Tan is seeing red

"he would rather lose you temporarily than forever (although he wouldn’t even want to do that)" please I'm crying!! baby is so stressed on what to do :((

“ask each other out. I can’t take it anymore” POOR LEM like there are times where he thinks you two will finally get together, it doesn't happen, he can feel his eye twitch. So he gets us both and makes us confess. (Tan would try to deny anything so Lem exposes him

"I imagine tan saying “that’s it, I don’t love you anymore” or “who even are you?” or “you’re picking that nob over me?” He's SO dramatic!! You pick Lem's side ONE TIME and this man is faking his own death (i love him)

"wtf that’s so thoughtful and creative?????" and I ruined it with the Thomas figurine 😭😭😭 please ignore that

Imagine talking about the multiverse with Lem 😭😭 I would love to see more of your thoughts on us being besties with Lem when requests are open, maybe some more text convos?

AND THANK U!! If it's not too much, do you have any songs that remind you of him to share with us? As always, if any ideas come to mind, I'll save them in my notes and send them to you angel !! 💗💗

me too!! forgot how fun they are !!!

1- he def says “missus” and “the wife” and “my wife” whenever he’s talking about you

2- I didn’t know if it would be a bit gross so was kinda bare when explaining, hoping you’d read between the lines😭😭😭 I think it’d be so hot to see a pic of his palm after

3- he’s such a starer !!! he���d keep looking even when you turn back away (his gaze would be kinda intimidating and would get all flustered so would have to look away first) he’d still be looking

4- 😭 yes !! kinda like a playful side smile

5- that’s exactly what i thought !? lem having to help us initially

6- he’d be so conflicted !! 🥲

7- yes yes 😭😭 he’d have to enough of it

8- he acts as if you’ve betrayed him

9- no no that thomas one was so cute, the comb was just so so smart and clever and cute

10- he’d get so into talking multiverse stuff!! omg yes!! love doing stuff with us being besties with lem!! and yes ofc, I love the text convos so you’re welcome to send some in

you know, I honestly haven’t really given it any thought. he reminds me of artic monkeys though I don’t think he really listens to them. he just gives me that vibe. maybe arabella?? d is for dangerous?? kinda think they suit. probs knee socks too just bc it’s a hot song

and ofc honey!! jot them down when you think of any and send it over anytime !! 💓💓

[deaths]

eeeeeeeeee uh i dont know i needed to get this out of me. thoughts on That Part in shadowlands that makes me want to rip my hair out and eat it. but also some lustarion.

the cursed shadow lands were taking its toll. after finding arabella, that sweet tiefling girl in the village who they had returned to her parents, only a week later to have her parents be dead a week later… it was too much for lumina. the first thing lumina felt in his life he did out of kindness without reward had turned to ruin without mercy. lumina had told arabella to follow him and his party back to camp that night, stating he didn’t see her parents yet, but hopefully they’ll find them through lying teeth.

lumina couldn’t bear to be around arabella, even as everyone else seemed to dote on her that night, aware of her parents passing. lumina went to the edge of camp, looking out at the surrounding quiet darkness. he felt a sinking in his stomach anytime he thought about that poor girl, her family, how he was hopeless in it all, idly playing with the matching set of wedding rings he had found on a long-gone pair of skeletons in the nearby graveyard.

he looked over at astarion, who was staring daggers at the back of his head. he never was one to mope, but here he was. “yeah, i know, mad i let her stay?” he puts up a dismissive hand and a weak defensive smile.

astarion crosses his arms, “why would you assume that? can’t i simply be worried about my helpful darling being all doom and gloom?” noticing the small frown taking over lumina’s face, he sighs, taking a seat on the ground next to him. “why didn’t you tell her the truth?” he says in a curious whisper.

lumina fidgets his hands in his pockets, feeling around the rings, reflexively tightening his jaw. “look at her, astarion. for gods sake.” his voice waivers, feeling the pressure sink into him. “i’m doing fucking everything i can right now, please, let her be blissfully unaware for a moment. i can’t do everything right.” he chokes out, his claws digging slightly into his own flesh.

astarion’s face becomes a nervous frown, “i would never- i would never ask you to do everything right. that’s not what i meant.” he instinctively moves closer, his hands inching to search for any physical way to release his lover’s pain. “i am worried about you, that is the main thing i’m worried about. you… you keep,” he rests his hand lumina’s hand. “hurting yourself. for others sake.”

he flashes a grimace before sinking it truly in, all this was getting to him, it was all too much to handle. what happened to selfish heartless lumina who left people dead on the streets? what happened to the backstabber that lied to make ends meet? why was seeing people dead and forgotten affecting him so badly? he can feel his throat tightening, as if he is going to cry, but only a pained groan comes out of his mouth. astarion looks at him in surprise, but there is undoubtedly empathy in those eyes.

“it’s… fine if you need to cry, dear.” it feels uncomfortable to say something he wouldn’t like hearing anyone say to him, but that’s all astarion knows how to say now. the out of place-ness of it makes lumina give a half smile. “that’s much better, more,” astarion gives a vague hand gesture with a disarming smile. “you.”

lumina rests his face on his hands, he could almost laugh from the strangeness and overwhelming emotional change. “fuck, that was stupid.” he peaks over at astarion with a uneasy smile. “it’s getting to me, being in this gloomy darkness.” he digs through his pockets, fishing out the wedding rings he found, roughly placing them in astarion’s palms. “throw these off a cliff or something.”

he eyes them, a small grin forming on his face. “hm, that idea seems more stupid than anything you said before.” he notices the magical aura around the rings. “i wasn’t planning on doing this so quickly, but you leave me no choice. give me your hand. i will not take no for an answer.” he says playfully. lumina’s eyes grow wide as he freezes up, “that’s,” he looks at him surprised, but puts his hand out on instinct.

astarion puts a ring around his pointer finger, “this isn’t, that, but, well.” lumina feels the magical connection between the rings as astarion puts his on.

lumina laughs loudly, and wholeheartedly, “oh my gods. i was so worked up in my own shit i didn’t even,” he fidgets with the ring. “warding spell? through the rings? pretty smart.”

“i want to protect you, like you protect me.” astarion clears his throat, feeling embarrassed he admitted that outright with no layered witty. “stop- feeling bad for yourself, the others miss you.” he quickly gets to his feet towards the camp, lumina following after with a grin.

[ccaliforniagirls]

There is a new account called "Arabellaismiine" that posted their pics and Arabella saw those pictures. Idk for sure but I think it's her acc. Even in the comments that are really mean about her, there is a girl with 0 followers who defends her and insults Ruben. I think that acc is hers too because I've seen it in all the comments and it defends her in a way that seems too over the top

This stupid girl responded to a person who said that Ruben deserves someone class so she said that Ruben is beneath her and that she is 1000 times better than him. He has no education and has very poor vocabulary , anyway she said a bunch of insulting things it’s like Arabella doesn't have an OnlyFans page , but I still think it's her or someone she knows

that account is literally her, no fan would say that she's educated, literally neither of them are educated !!!!

[vyrantium]

requesting ambrosia for that ask game pretty please 🙏

ofc!! also tagging @invinciblerodent because they also requested her ♥

this got quite long, so I'm putting it under a cut. thank you both for asking about her, i adore her so much and being able to talk about her is always so wonderful 💕

Full Name: Just Ambrosia. Her "real" name is Lysarra, but circumstance had led to that name being dropped. In her original campaign, the name change was a conscious choice on her part on her journey to becoming a cleric of Nusemnee. For bg3 though, it was a result of the memory loss! When she woke on the nautiloid she was clutching a holy symbol with "Ambrosia" etched on the back, so she assumed that was her name.

Pronouns: She/her!

Gender and Sexuality: Ambrosia has never really thought about her gender and feels comfortable in her gender. She also has never tried to put a label on her sexuality, and struggles to put it into words. She also believes she can't and shouldn't get close to anyone, given who she is and what she struggles with. She doesn't want to hurt them. She's also never really assumed she'd be lucky enough to be in a relationship, and life has... really not been kind to her. Knowing what I know about her, and her past, I'd pin it as like... demiromantic-bisexual? She definitely has to know someone before she can open up to them romantically, even though she desperately craves that connection.

Ethnicity/Species: I don't have a lot to say here. She's a human, she didn't grow up in one place, and given she's trying to shed her past, there isn't anything she feels a strong connection to.

Birthplace and Birthdate: Ambrosia was born small village named Triel, north east of Elturel, to parents that did not care about her. Before she was sold, they never celebrated her birthday, and the mercenary group she was part of didn't care about any of that either. She doesn't know her exact age, but she'd estimate she's in her late 20s. (I'm going to say her birthday is in 1464, making her 28 at the time of the events of the game.)

Guilty Pleasures: murder drinking an entire bottle of wine on her own. Ambrosia is quite Large so it doesn't hit her quite as hard as it might others, but she still feels bad when she drinks an entire thing herself sometimes.

Phobias: I haven't really thought about this before, but something in my guy tells me Ambrosia is a bit claustrophobic.

What They Would Be Famous For: Ambrosia is delightfully unremarkable in most ways. She doesn't want to be famous, she doesn't like that kind of attention. If she had to be, though, she would hope it wasn't for the murders. Something that would leave a positive impact on the world.

What They Would Get Arrested For: Beating up people who are mean to kids. She might not consciously remember what happened to her as a child, but there's some scrap of it there in her subconscious, and it really shaped who she is. If she sees a child getting mistreated, especially by their parents, it takes a lot for her to keep her cool. She'll do anything and everything to care for that kid and show them their worth. The Arabella situation was hard for her, because she had half her brain thinking about the tragedy of it all, and the other part of her screaming to step in and ruin Kahga's week.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Ambrosia grew up poor and then was sold off to a mercenary group, so she doesn't actually know how to read 💔 But if she's listening to stories, she loves a slow-burn romance. Not that she would ever admit it out loud. But her life has been such a mess, just a simple slice of life story of people falling in love despite the circumstances always gets to her.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Fake happy endings, especially if the happy ended was worked for/deserved. To rip it away at the last second is the worst thing you could do to someone, she just hates it. (She does not realize how this relates to her own life.)

Talents and/or Powers: Mechanically, Ambrosia is a War Cleric with proficiency in Intimidation, Persuasion, Medicine, Athletics, and Insight. Despite having no proficiencies in it, Ambrosia is really good with animals, she loves them a lot and they're her lil buds! Original Ambrosia loved dogs, so getting Scratch in this game was just so!! good! she got to live her best life and have a friend!

Why Someone Might Hate Them: Ambrosia is. So stubborn. About even the most trivial things. She has her way of doing things, she has ideas of how things are going to happen, and she doesn't back down. Back in her original campaign this was a huge problem, because she was convinced she could show Strahd the harm he'd done and convince him on the path to be better. That obviously did not go well, but she never gave up.

Why Someone Might Love Them: Ambrosia is so stubborn. She refuses to accept a bad outcome to situations, she works hard to make sure everyone's happy and getting what's best for them. That includes herself, she's very hard on herself about the mistakes she's made and for the things she's done, the people that have died because of her. But it also means she pushes her party members into what's good for them and their well being! And she's always searching for solutions to whatever they might be dealing with, because her friends deserve good things happening to them.

How They Change: This is likely still a work in progress, as I'm only in Act 2 with Ambrosia, but so far she's learned to be a lot kinder with herself when it comes to her urges. She was actually able to open up to her party about what she was dealing with, initially out of necessity because of what happened at camp, but as time went on she realized she could trust them to help her through dark times.

Why You Love Them: Ambrosia was my... second? Third? D&D character ever. She was made for a Curse of Strahd campaign that sadly never finished. It makes me so happy to have her have a place again, and to get a story that has been so satisfying! I've always wanted to see how her story ends, and while a lot of her original plot was dropped (she ran like a redemption paladin, though mechanically a war cleric), she's still very much herself and it's just. So amazing. I'm hoping there's a happy ending option for Urge, because my girl has been through a lot, and I'd like to see her happy.

as a bonus for making it to the end of this post: here is my playlist of all of my ambrosia vibes music! it's all stuff from her old campaign, but most of them still apply. i'm going to make a bg3 version soon ♥

[monotonous-minutia]

Arabella (Berlin, 2023) reactions, pt. 1

Was going to start with a different one this weekend but when @normallyparenthetical suggested this one with a trans reading I knew I had to watch it immediately.

interesting effects right off the bat

normally cannot handle facial hair on my mezzo/soprano bois but Zdenko is already so freaking adorable I think I can let it slide

ope the secret's out

"MOM STOP OUTING ME"

poor kid

the camera crew on stage are a bit distracting but it's kind of cool that we get the full stage view as well as close-ups at the same time

completely off topic but currently Zdenko and I have the exact same haircut, side part and everything, on the same side.

poor kid carrying all the family burdens

cool split. also Matteo is adorable.

that awkward moment when your crush wants you to be the go-between for him and your sister

tenors gotta tenor

"just gonna pretend these flowers are for me for a sec"

gay

as a mental health worker I would have so much to say to this guy

okay that set change was super fast and they are so detailed I am very impressed

it wouldn't be a period piece if someone didn't have a nervous breakdown on a fancy couch

not to be a lesbian but oh my god --

sib spats

"Arabella it's not just a phase okay"

sopranos gotta soprano

soprano bois also gonna soprano but like in a mezzo kind of way

aww also this duet is so pretty

Zdenko trying to figure out how to prevent a suicide while Arabella snacks on chocolate wondering what is going on in the poor kid's head

"bud I think you're projecting"

their sibling dynamic is so real one second they're yelling at each other the next they're bffs

"dude are you for real"

he's suspicious. also. don't like him.

Elemer's getting spicy so Zdenko decides to eavesdrop

we love to see it

"bye Felicia"

tumblr's annoying image limit is up so stay tuned for more!

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

Pendragon being jealous? Or whatever he is. 😂

Everyone at this party is wild.

That description of Elsa is pretty fucking hot omg.

Elsa is the best. I love her.

Someone that makes Pendragon blanch?? Oh boy.

Rowlands has a file on Britta?

The bloodbond was not his idea??? It was Fester?!?!

I'm glad we get some sweet Wynn and Kabir as a palet cleanser.

Elsa and Pendragon talking!

Thank fuck Neil followed Britta!

Elsa trying to talk Pendragon down and Neil just interrupting. 😂

Elsa Just panick giggling. Amazing.

.... What a stupid fucker. Ugh he's the worst. Poor girl.

This might not even been about killing Shaw, but about Britta??

What would we do without Elsa?? Also bless the smell comment for some levity.

Yikes this is not good. The tooth guy!! Uhoh.

Britta is holding it together so we'll in this talk!

Just trying to dissappear when two people are fighting over you, really makes me feel like I'm back the the dinner table in my childhood home.

If this goes any further both warrick and Pendragon will grab hold of one of Britta's arms and start pulling.

Who is this blonde??? He must be important otherwise he wouldn't be amused.

I'm so nervous about Miles declaring to court.

It's come to my attention??? Miles you're such a liar. 😂

Fucking Reece on his knees!! Oh yeah baaaabyyyy!

You're telling me that this party wasn't even the main event??? People are disappearing now???

Wynn is such a little shit head. I wanted to say this again.

Miles and Arabella arguing as siblings lol.

... Okay clearly not exactly as siblings I guess.

I was all oh Lex is being gerpus making the toreador help, then he mentioned all the penalties Neil was under.

Oh my God what?????? WHAT?!?! I am on a fucking Bus!!! I cannot emote like I need to! Elsa is just dead???? I liked her so much. 😭😭😭

I want to hate Pendragon, but he is such a badass.

Pendragon Just tossing a fear frenzying Britta over his shoulder.

Neil crying when he sees Fester. 🥺

I was going to be suspicious of Fester, but his knocked out teeth and scorch marks are doing a lot to trust him again.

I'm sorry, but "Let this be the last time you suffer for a false prince's vanity" is such a badass line!

Neil unbuckling makes me remember that Wynn's stance on seat belts is that they kill more people than they save. 😂

"When Elsa gets back" 😭 they don't even know.

Look at Johnny and Wynn being all politicky and what not.

Oh my fucking god JOHNNY SAXTON! You and Neil had this whole talk about how no one even waited a night to bloodbond him and take all choice out of his hand. Now you don't even want to wait 1 night to see if he comes back???? What the fuck?!?

Kabir??? Oh no. This is supposed to be the end of the finale!

Wait they literally come the amame night he became prince??? All these fucking princes?? Insane.

I... Holy fuck that after credit scene....

That's a wrap on season 2. I can't believe it.

[slutforsfender]

𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 - 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐬𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐓𝐖: 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌

𝐒𝐚𝐦

"You okay pet? You seem to have thrown yourself into work since the other night" Mam asks as I sit staring at my phone in the kitchen.

"Aye, just getting my arse in gear. Don't worry" I say, playing it off. 

"Howay lad, you are gonna have a brew with me and tell me what's going on" She orders, turning the kettle on and staring me down till I put my phone away. 

I shake my head at my mother but I follow her orders, needing to talk to someone even if it was my poor mam. 

"I saw Arabella the other night when I was out with the lads" I whisper into the silence, not quite believing it myself.

"Please don't tell me you fucked up again child" She says pointing at me as a joke, making me sigh in reply. 

"No, we sat on the beach and I calmed her down from some anxiety attack. I felt so stupid running after her but I couldn't help it. It's like a switch in my brain once I see her and I fall in love with her all over again so many years later" I lightly explain. 

"Oh my darling, some loves don't go whether we are teenagers or in our bloody nineties and clearly you love Arabella but that story is better left be. You hurt her too much, she ran away from her safety at eighteen. I'm sorry Sam, but you did good to look after her and I'm sure she appreciates it. Maybe friends are on the cards pet?" My mam says, trying her best to help as I hum in response. 

"I'm going go up to my room for a bit" I say, placing of kiss of thanks on her cheek. 

As soon as I get to my room, I lock my door and do something I hadn't done in ten maybe twelve years. I opened my wardrobe, pulling the familiar green jacket down from the back. As soon as I see the familiar stripes down the arms, the guilt washes over me. 

It all played through my mind as if it was some black and white short film. Then came the self-deprecating thoughts. The hatred for myself, the hatred for my actions, the disbelief. 

I smiled to myself as I saw a notification from her appear on my screen. I clicked on the message as soon as I could. 

Arabella: I did a stupid thing and forgot my jacket so you're gonna have to deal with cold me all day x

Sam: Do you not have another?? x

Arabella: Sadly not, no other fits over my blazer x

Sam: That sucks, don't worry I won't let you get cold x

It was now later in the day and I was now with Arabella at break with all my mates, Dean eyeing my jacket as she started to shiver. I was already two steps ahead of you Deano I thought as I turned to her. 

"Do you want my jacket?" I asked, as she did her little cold dance. 

"No it's okay. Don't worry Sam" She assured me. 

"Howay, take the jacket before you freeze to death. Come on I'll hold your bag, I'm not that cold anyway" I said, handing her my bag as I peeled off my jacket for her. 

We both smiled at the image of her in my jacket, the sleeves being long enough for her to do her hand thing without pulling it and the jacket reaching half way down her thigh. 

I replayed the image over and over in my head. Dying to go back to those days. The innocence. The love. The comfort. 

The week after we broke up, I switched to my waterproof jacket then eventually two jackets out of spite. I wanted her to be mad at me, hate me because I thought she would at least argue with me but she never did. She kept it bottled it up. 

If possible I hated myself even more now. I hated myself for the way I treated her, the way I broke up with her, for breaking up with her. I had the best thing ever and I threw it away for the stupidest reasons, not even semi decent reasons. Selfish, horrible, cruel reasons. 

I was currently in therapy and she always tried to get me to open up about Arabella but I just couldn't. I internally shiver and cringe at the thought of it all.  I placed the jacket in it's designated place and caught myself in the mirror. Similar to the way I had that night. 

I could still picture my tear stained eyes and face, the hatred for myself that never went just seemed to grow into this cloud of darkness over my head all the time. 

I stared around my bedroom, memories playing over and over of her, of us. It was like one giant whirlpool that seemed to increase in speed. Then come the racing heartbeat, rapid breathing, shaking body and anger.

I pulled at my hair, bit at my nails and lip, tugged at everything possible before completely losing it. Grabbing a nearby glass, throwing it at my wardrobe aiming for the top shelf. 

"Fuck you Sam. You cruel fucking person. Then you have the decency to fucking act like some sweetheart in public. Everyone should hate you. I hate you" I shouted at myself. 

The anger didn't seem to calm this time, it seemed to grow. Here we go, been here before. I grabbed a nearby razor, tearing it across my skin like it was paper. I watched the whiteness, the innocence become covered by the red, the evil. I made my mark of hatred once again. Yet all the tears didn't seem to soothe the anger, I accepted it. I deservered it.

Why Sam? Why did you do all this?