#i would say im preaching to the choir but i know people who should see this are sneaking in here

[diamondcitydarlin]

'time for round two of making teenagers uncomfortable on the internet'

Listen. No one is shipping beetlebabes for the sole purpose of 'making teenagers uncomfortable on the internet'. Unless the adults in question are your parents/guardians, none of them are responsible for the stuff you might see while being 'on the internet'. None of them are responsible for your discomfort from what you might see. None of them are obligated to stop having fun in their own fandom spaces simply because a teenager exists 'on the internet' who doesn't like it (who is also perfectly capable of staying out of places they don't want to see, I PRESUME) no more than adults at a bar are obligated to not drink because there are people under the age who can't (fittingly, most bars in the US don't admit people under the age at all). You know who is responsible? Depending on your age of teenagedom, it's either to some extent your parents/guardians, but also you. Yeah, sweetie, you. I've been on the internet since the late 90's when I was NINE and I'm here to tell you right now that learning how to cultivate your own experience online is an extremely important tool. If you don't learn now how to keep your nose out of things that you don't like, you're going to have a very hard time filled with round-about arguments and constant drama and maybe worse when you could just be having fun with the things you do like and ignoring the stuff you don't. You see, my sweet summer child, feeling 'discomfort' about something benign does not inherently give you the right to shit all over whatever it is that made you uncomfortable or make up insinuations about the consenting adults participating in it. Unless there are people dropping shipping art into your inbox against your will or something (there aren't) it actually is none of your business at all, and doesn't concern you in the least. Like my goodness, you kids have ALL kinds of protections you can use to weed out things you don't want to see that we didn't have back when I was a 'teenager on the internet', blocking, blacklisting, browser extensions that can help with that, etc, and yet somehow we seem to have better understood back then how to mind our own business and stay out of fandom spaces we didn't want to be in. Nowadays all I see are children running into the devil's sacrament uninvited and claiming to be personally affected by said sacrament when all of us are wondering what the fuck they're doing there in the first place when there are clear signs denoting what sacrament this is. You don't have to see the movie, you don't have to see shipping content, you don't have to be 'exposed' to any of this at all; in this day and age, you choose to be, which makes any discomfort you feel as a result of that your own responsibility. The only person making 'teenagers uncomfortable on the internet' in this specific instance are the teens themselves.

And again, a little crash course in history here since the education system probably failed you, but using simply the existence of children as an excuse for why adults can't do consenting adult activities with each other has historically been used as a way to demonize and weaponize violence against marginalized groups. Yall are literally just stealing pages from homophobic/misogynistic/racist/transphobic conservative playbooks. That may not be your ultimate goal in coming after fandom spaces, but it's where that kind of behavior and thinking always ends up in the end. If you think alt-right entities won't harness that sense of youthful moral outrage for their own ends then I have a bridge to sell you.

Anyway, point being, no random adult on the internet or IRL is responsible for you. Random adults on the internet or IRL are not your parents/guardians. They have no obligation to eschew their own interests just because kids are wandering into places where they shouldn't. I honestly worry for any child on the internet who thinks this way, because there are absolutely predators out there that will abuse this sense of 'every adult is responsible for my comfort'. They aren't, and I'm sorry the adults in your life that actually are responsible for you failed you so much as to not teach you otherwise. Unlearn this now before you get hurt, please.

[thecoolerliauditore]

hater hour 👍

i feel like... maybe this is just me but ive been noticing this weird kind of disturbing trend of people being way overprotective of the CCs whilst increasingly aggressive towards their fellow fandom artists/writers.

We all love gem on here. i think it'd be preaching to the choir to say she didn't deserve the hate she got for. Existing in the series or whatever people were mad about. but more and more people seem to think that any negativity is Bad and Affects The CCs and when they list examples it's all like. idk. ppl not liking the SL mechanic or the watcher lore or certain gimmicks (zombie apocalypse comes to mind) etc etc

while we are not owed any level of quality for entertainment getting put out by mcyters For Free, this is still a series that means a lot to me and most of the fandom take it seriously. so it can be disappointing when it feels like decisions are made for the sake of rushing things or forcing something specific to happen. Limlife is my least favourite season by a pretty long margin because i think it was pretty apparent the cast were very burnt out during it and I would like for them to make the series at their own pace instead of doing that. I still loved limlife and think it's super funny i just think it was weighed down by a lot of things.

when secret life came to close i loved the ending but the fandom space. scared me a little and it still does kind of reek ngl. i saw blocks of text telling people to shut the fuck up about their favourite pairings or characters because How Dare they not appreciate every other person just as much Alot. and now im seeing people say we should "know our place" as fans and never voice our "entitled" discontent because the poor CCs are just doing this for fun. as someone who tries to dig deep on every individual character and relationship it just all felt a little bit. Violent.

This + ive been seeing a lot more people recently who are like. very very mad about the way people draw the CCs?? i know i do my fair share of hating on hybrid designs and being the fun police but like. people are genuinely out here accusing others of being Evil for not drawing specific body types to match characters to CCs while in the same breath saying that character/CC divide is obvious. +people being mad about like. arghh ear wings are dumb!! everyone who draws [specific headcanon] should be melted into wax!! so on and so forth

can we please stop assuming that tumblr user 69 saying lmao watcher lore dumb is going to give martyn inthelittlewood depression irl and start thinking about the mental health of more inexperienced artists who straight up Don't Know how to draw certain features yet that they're the scum of the earth for it in a space that's supposed to be fun.

if you're asking for people critiquing the series itself (one of the most popular mcyt series as a whole right now) to do it more gently and politely the least we can do is ask the same etiquette for talking about fanwork pls. that's also yknow. made for fun and shared for free 👍

[triviareads]

everyone is looking for different experiences out of fandom. some people only want to consume and create content and others want to have discussions, whether it be criticism or praise or anything else. the whole point of a fandom community is that it *is* that deep if you want it to be. And no one gets to dictate your fandom experience or should comment on it unless it is causing a lot of problems for other people.

I don't agree with everything on your blog, (looking at that one anon who tried to psychoanalyze everyone in their relationships with female characters. notes of truth but oof the generalizations) but it would be super weird if I did! Recent anon and some other people in this fandom don't get that differing opinions is what makes a community. (multi-)shipping, character interpretation, and analysis are the fabric of fandom. Extrapolation is in the fabric of fandom.

hell, you're doing analysis of the media of your fandom for whether you realize it or not, and some people's opinion are just more critical than others, so it is a tad hypocritical to say *just calm down* because why don't you too?

I think people get defensive when criticisms take on the fandom at large. saying THE WHOLE or MOST of the fandom is this way or taking a moral stance about something that is actually gray or something ythat some people dont give much thought to(esp bc based on who you follow and how you interact, everyones fandom looks different!) might prickle people a bit.

And in the case of female characterization which seems like a big part of our fandom because we are (from what Ive found) mostly women, we must remember that the internalized misogyny is real. Because we as women expect more of each other than we do of men sometimes its just as easy to fall into the trap of writing a fic with simpering debutantes as it is to act superior to real people you've never met before for projecting "pick me" feelings (this isnt to @ you but some of your anons)

Long story short the thoughts and feelings of real life people are more important than our fave fictional characters and I know im definitely preaching to the choir here and you shouldnt respond if you dont want to, but I just wanted to uh, commiserate? show support for healthy criticism? have a nice monologue about the makeup of online community? etc?

Anyway, feel free to disagree anything I said in this manifesto, it's the whole point :)

This was a lovely read- I'll reply to what I can, since I do, by and large, agree with everything you've said.

Since there's always room for improvement for all of us, I will definitely try to be more mindful of my generalizations of the fandom- saying "some" instead of "the whole" or "most"- when I'm talking about Bridgerton.

You are absolutely right in that internalized misogyny is real, both in stories as well as in real life, and that is why I've made a concerted effort in all my fics to avoid writing "pick me" girls and the rest of the female characters as "simpering debutantes". The women in my stories are aware, on some level (that level varying based on the time period and their circumstance), of why women are behaving the way they are. I have written two different takes set in the regency era on women schooling men on why they have no right to bitch about "vapid social climbers" or "simpering, grasping, silly debutantes" (which can be found here and here).

And this carries over into real life- how some women choose to interact with a fandom (including the fantasy aspect of women seeing themselves in certain heroines) should not judged by others, at least, as long as there is nothing too problematic about it (see: the fetishization of Regé-Jean Page, general racism I've seen in some parts of the fandom, homophobia, etc.).

[hippityhoppityyourenowmyproperty]

Reset!Rant (part 4)

Blackout

Chapter: 1

Thad: "Even though Craydl was programmed to obey my dear grandfather over me, he still could hold a conversation and be useful. While you have some rudimentary communicative abilities, it's not the same. I could say the same of Bart."

This is a put down that comes out of the blue and it shows how normal it has become for Thad to resort to insulting Bart. This insult is especially tasteless when you remember that a lot of ND people have problems with verbal communication/talk too fast/talk too loud or too quiet/have trouble expressing their thought and can go nonverbal. So yeah, basically another slice at Bart for having ADHD, wouldn't you know it.

Thad's vision blacked out and he grabbed the washing machine for stability. If felt as if the bottom fell out of his world. He knew this feeling all too well now, but it had never been as bad as this. He staggered away from the laundry and into the kitchen to sit.

.................................... Helen's voice echoed from the kitchen. "Thad? I just got a call from the school. Bart passed out in class and I'm going to pick him up. I'll be home soon." When Helen returned home with Bart, Thaddeus was waiting in the kitchen with a smirk on his face. "You passed out?" Bart scowled and stomped off to dump his backpack and jacket off on his bedroom floor. Thaddeus snorted, still sneering.

Making fun of someone because they showed physical weakness, that's stereotypical school yard bullying right there. "Haha look at you you loser! You passed out. You're such a weakling!" Thad is so...pathetic in this. He is so desperate for power, so desperate to be superior to Bart. He waited all this time in the kitchen just so that he could throw Bart this line. He clinges to everythign that will make him appear better than Bart. He obssessively seeks out every little one of his flaws and mistakes in order to maintain his big ego. It's almost pittyful. Of course he snots at Bart, of course he is behaving as condescending as possible. Thad is the kind of person who kicks someone who's already on the ground. This is just...So ugly to read. Hey Thad, you nearly passed out earlier this day, I don't see you shaming yourself for being weak. What's the difference? What's making you so special that you don't deserve to be shamed for it?

Hey Helen, you're just going to ignore Thad very obviously and viciously bullying the closest person you have to a son? You're not gonna repriment him for it so that he won't continue to destroy Bart's self esteem and his mental health? No? Great, it would be very confusing if you suddenly started being a responsible parent.

Thaddeus leaned against the doorway with crossed arms. "You're pathetic." He sneered.

Funny that you mention it, have you looked in the mirror lately?

Chapter: 2

Mike gestured to Bart's injuries. "You could say that you got hit in the face with a basketball or something." Bart slung the bag over his shoulder and pushed the bathroom door open. Maybe he could just go home? No, Thad was there, and he didn't want to listen to his evil twin berate him about getting bloodied in a fight.

Through his frequent put downs, Thad now made Bart afraid to show weakness. He knows that Thad will make fun of his vulnerability and won't be of any help to him.

Thad: "No moron, I'm playing with a tesseract puzzle." His voice was dripping with condescending sarcasm. "What else would I be doing?"

Another put down out of the blue. And a very sordid one, I might add.

Chapter: 3

A commotion in the backyard grabbed her attention and she saw Bart and Thad duking it out again. "Oh, for the love of...Wally, I'll call you back. The boys are really at it this time. I swear, Thad needs to get out of the house and get a life, and Bart needs to stop antagonizing him."

Hmm, that's odd. I could've sworn that Thad was the one who constantly ripped on Bart, was a dick to him and provoked Bart with "You've got ADHD so you're dumb" insults, and Bart was the one who remained friendly despite having to endure insult after insult without retailiating. Are you referring to the times Bart called Thad a jerk and said "Like you're any better"? Are those the oh so bad words Bart calls Thad that justify you saying "He's antagonizing him"? Because, and maybe that's just me, but calling someone who is neurodivergent a r*tard, moron, idiot, shortbus, brainless, annoying, destructive, a nuisance, hyperactive, embarrassing, dense, pathetic, saying that they have "Rudimentary communicative abilities", that they "probably got distracted with by something shiny" and implying over and over again that they're stupid and useless, that you see it as a disgrace to be related to them, that you'd like to beat them up, (and actually beating them up) and that they're inferior to you because of aspects of their personality they can't control is a bit worse than saying "Jerk" to defend yourself in response to being called those insults. And somehow we should believe that Bart is the one who is antagonizing Thad? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Thad is so obviously abusing Bart in this, I don't know how anyone couldn't see this. Screw Helen, she has no sense of fairness and justice when it comes to Bart's treatment. Do I have to explain the word favoritism? How come she lets Thad get away with was worse stuff? Why doesn't she chew him out for all the stuff he put Bart through? He was very clearly shaming him for having ADHD im Helen's presence, and she didn't do shit.

I'm 100% sure Thad started this conflict with some "You're inferior to me" comment and was also the one who got physical first.

Helen: "You don't even know?! Get in here and go to your rooms!" The boys let go of each other and sulked past Helen. "I swear you two, if you were girls, I would be blaming hormones for these outbursts."

Yeah, let's just casually ignore the fact that testosterones are the hormones that increase aggressive behavior and that boys produce about 16× more testosterone than girls, and that men are known to be quicker to express their anger through violence than women. (Cite: Men vs. Women: Hormones; a transgender perspective, Why do women and men respond differently to anger? PsychCentral) I guess I can add "sexist" to the list of things that make Helen an unlikable person. Also, glad to know that she now cares about breaking up a fight between them. Play fighting for fun in the yard? Absolutely not! What were you thinking? Why do you act like that? You should know better! Shady sparring fight in the streets? Sure Thad go ahead! Nothing wrong with beating up your brother to release your anger!

Chapter: 4

Thad answered with a smirk, "That you're a hyperactive brat who would just get more destructive when introduced to sizable amounts of caffeine."

Bart glowered and crossed his arms. "Shut up! I am not!" Thad lifted his chin in victory. "See? Hit the matk. I'm right."

Both Helen and Konner sit next to Bart and they say nothing in response.

Kon chuckled as Bart settled down at the table. "Man, I kinda missed that."

"Missed what?" Bart asked.

"You driving people nuts. Inertia's not Rob or Wondy but he flips out pretty fast." Thad snarled at Kon, "They don't have to live with him!"

Bart has been nothing but nice to Thad. Bart is the one who has to live with Thad's constant belittling. Thad has deluded himself into believing that he is the victim here, but he's really not. Bart is. Bart has been trying to help Thad, even though he was a total douchebag who constantly humiliated him. Bart has to live with Thad.

Chapter: 5

Kon: "Seriously, don't you have any other modes than "up yours" or "sideways"? You're going to die a lonely virgin life if you keep this up. Yeah, I get that your childhood was stolen by an evil madman and all, but you're preaching to the choir here. Dude, get over it. We did." Thad's glare darkened and he clenched his fist. Lunging forward with a punch, he stopped just short striking Kon. Shaking with fury, Thad backed away and left the kitchen. Bart sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter. "He's gonna need to spar today and I'm all beat up already."

"You don't have to be his punching back."

"I'm not a punching back. I hit back."

I agree with Kon up until the "just get over it" part. It's nice to see someone finally calling Thad out on his demanding and shitty attitude, but telling an abuse victim to "just get over it" isn't good advice, either. What Kon should have told him was that Thad should work on his behavior and that him having been abused doesn't make it okay for him to abuse others.

The dialoge after that between Kon and Bart is another attempt on the author's part of justifying this situation. The "I hit back" isn't very encouraging when you consider that Thad is a way better fighter than Bart. The "He needs to spar today and I'm all beat up already" makes it very clear that Bart would rather not participate in a duel, but does it anyway because he feels pressured to keep Thad's emotions in check. Without Bart sacrificing his own well being, Thad would've gotten himself into a lot of trouble by beating up random people in blind rage. And Bart knows this. Despite what this sentence is trying to make you belive, their fights aren't balanced. Thad can easily overpower and outsmart him in a duel. At the end of the day, Bart is still his punching back.

Chapter: 5

Seeking Thad out, Bart found him in the library, talking with a couple of upperclassmen girls. Bart pulled him aside, much to Thad's annoyance. "I'm gonna need some help. Eddie's-" "Not my problem," Thad interrupted. "I don't care what's going on." "Look, getting beat up was just the start of it. He's-" "Not. My. Problem." Thad turned away from Bart. "If he got himself into it, he can get himself out of it. This is a waste of my time." "I just want you to back me up."

This kind of sums up what kind of person Thad is. He takes and take but doesn't repay the favors. He's cold and has no compassion. It doesn't matter to him what Bart did for him, and that he vouched for him. And going by Thad's logic, Max and Bart shouldn't have offered Thad to stay with them because; If he got himself into this situation, he can get himself out of it! Not our problem, we don't care what's going on!

Thad knows that Bart is going to do something really dangerous and could get seriously injured or even die, and he still doesn't give a fuck. He hasn't learned to care for Bart one bit.

Bart grinned at him. "You came."

"Max wanted us to take care of each other," Thad remined. "Letting you get pounded into a smear is a violation of those orders."

This is Thad admitting that the only thing that made him help is Max. I'm 100% certain that Thad would've gladly stood by and watched Bart die if it wasn't for Max. Thad still hates Bart's guts for whatever reason, and he actively shows him that every chance he gets.

Chapter: 7

"Obviously, I got my intelligence from both of our grandfathers. Pity that means there wasn't any left for you."

Hey Thad? How about you shut up and not smack talk Bart every chance you get? It would make you less of a person that deserves to get hit multiple times in the teeth with a brick. This is, very obviously, another put down directed at Bart's ADHD that is disguised as a joke.

Jerking his head up, Bart nodded. "You would do that?" "What kind of evil twin do you think I am?" Thad huffed in mock offense. "I only beat you up and ridicule your intelligence, not withhold precious words of wisdom that can be thrown in Wally's face whenever he gets his tights in a wad about you not being the perfect little sidekick. He treated Bart to a wicked grin. Legacies are more than a name and a costume."

Oh don't worry Thad, you're not the evil clone, you're just the abusive, selfish, cold hearted, self entitled, manipulative, egotistical brother. Yes, you 'only' did those things. They are still reprehensible and loathsome. They will still mess up a person and are unforgivable. Turning your actions into a joke doesn't make them funny or acceptable. The fact that he admits to his wrongdoings but doesn't see them as reprehensible speaks volume about his personality. He talks about his crude actions with such satisfaction and confidence as if he were proud of them. After everything I read about Thad in this, it's very likely that he is.

And the reason why he does Bart a favor here? Again, just doing it for himself. He tells Bart these things not becaus he likes Bart, but becaus he dislikes Wally for that whole legacy thing and wants him to suffer. Thad is self projecting about his issues with his legacy.

[thedappleddragon]

ok time for 2 days worth of journaling

yesterday I discovered that if I take half of a mini bagel (because the store was out of bagel things), put on cream cheese and a slice of salami, you can make a pretty good bagel bite. I talked with my dad for a while about college things when he came home from work and brought groceries. I also made a frozen chicken Laredo pasta thing for dinner and ended up sharing it with my mom. dad and I shared ideas for what to add to it next time to make it better. I started with chopping up spinach, because I know it shrinks a bunch and is easy to hide in stuff. I want to try adding a little salt, maybe some garlic and onion, parmesan cheese, more greens, a bunch of stuff. idk. I like pretending to be a chef. but I talked with my ad about what kind of stuff I'll need for college, and how I'll probably need to buy real clothes and makeup so I dont look like a goblin who’s been existing solely in basketball shorts and pajama pants for the past year in quarantine.that;s why I made that post last night about fun girly sleepover or simple-ass makeup tutorial. I tried washing my face with an Olay soap bar, and it left my skin feeling nice but idk how good/bad it actually is for your face since its meant to be a body bar. I real online that a plain dove bar is actually pretty damn good for your face, but Olay was the only thing I had on hand. whatever. i played a bunch of stardew valley as well

I slept like shit last night, waking up at like 4 am and all mr dreams being shades of muted grey and brown and broken up into blocks, idk. I've been having weird abstract dreams and sleeping like shit for the past couple days. I think that's partially what cause my head to spin all afternoon. whenever I moved my head, it felt like my ghost was lagging behind my body if that makes sense. it sucked but got better when I moved around. I had my dad bring me water and Tylenol and then come back a second time to light my candle because he smelled like cigarettes and left the smell in my room. but I realized it was April fools day when I woke up, and contemplated how I was gonna prank my friends. I didnt come up with anything until my sister sent a picture of a crashed white Volvo, saying she failed her driving test. when my mom showed me I didnt believe her for a second, and folded over laughing when my mom was concerned about if it was real or not. I stole that joke and showed it to my 2 friend groups, with panicked misspelled texts to go with it for *authenticity* lmao. both groups fell for it at first, but band friends taking longer to catch on so I had to tell them it was a prank. my gamer friend in the other chat caught me almost IMMEDIATLY with reverse google image searching. but I laughed my ass off for a while either way. I didnt play any stardew today but I did play a little Webkinz. when my sister came back from her driving test, my dad brought home Dairy Queen blizzards and mentioned getting a nice-is dinner takeout :) unfortunately I waited forever for him to bring home food and it never happened. so my sister and I went through the mcdonalds drive through and got served by this absolutely DELIGHTFUL middle aged man who was very nice and funny and I told him she just got her license today. we went home and ate in my sisters room and watched John mulaney’s new in town. I had never actually watched the full special, but through Tumblr memes and a million animatics, I had pretty much seen everything. I had fun tho. we got regular chicken sandwiches when we porobably should have gotten the deluxe ones with lettuce and tomato and source or just gone to Wendy’s. tbh Wendy’s is SO MUCH FUCNKIN BETTER. and the mcdonalds was more expensive than I thought it would be. whatever. if we had gone to Wendy’s, sure we would have gotten better burgers, but we wouldn't have seen that deightful man. anyway earlier today I gave my cat some catnip and she was really cute about it. do cats drool more when they’re high? cuz damn it sure felt like it when she was mashing her face into my hand.  for lunch I made a different pasta thing, this time shrimp lomeign. I added spinach and broccoli, which I'm going to do for now and forever because it SLAPPED but my mom was acting like a child, saying broccoli is gross. she had me make spaghetti and proceeded to eat 3 or 4 bowls. I had a couple and went to my room. I realize that I'm typing all this shit WAYYYYY out of order, sorry to me reading back in the future or anyone who bothers to read these. tbh why would you. I hope people dont have my talk tag blocked (thanks for coming to my ted talk) and instead have 2021 daily blocked if they dont want to see these. I still make funny posts sometimes!! that’s also what I tag my art with!! but neither of those people would be able to read this anyway so I'm just preaching to the choir. anyway you’ll be happy to know that my head is no longer spinning, my teeth are nice and clean, I've got my comfy socks and pajama pants on, and I’m ready for bed. eventually. it’s not even midnight yet lmao. I guess I can mention this morning when my cat yelled at me asking to go outside, but it was literally FREEZING and im 100% sure I saw some snowflakes while I was out there for a couple minutes. she got so cold she climbed up on my lap as I was wrapped in my childhood sleeping bag I found in the laundry room. I breathed warm air on her and sat out there for another minute or so, mostly insulated by the sleeping bag, but carried her inside eventually. I didnt want to have to deal with that shit. tbh even tho I just had mcdonalds and it’s almost midnight and I've already brushed my teeth, I'm still a little bit hungry. but I dont know it’s that’s just because I'm lying down and your body takes a little while to tell you when you’re full, or if it’s because I waited for SO LONG waiting for city barbecue or bento cafe that just a burger and fries wasn't enough to cut it. well I'll just sleep it off anyway. you know what’s really cute? my cat laid on my lap and rested her chin on my hand as I typed :) I love her

[mnhpcaylonfilmresearch]

On preaching to the choir…

Where to start? A tangled thread of thoughts. Pick it gently till it loosens .

Listening to the lectures today on branding and marketing… theres an icky feeling, a dense resistance. Ive always felt it, ever since I was a child. The earliest I remember this angry force was when I was 6 years old and the boys were laughing at me because although I climbed the tree higher than any of them they still said “we told you, girls can’t climb trees” because they could see my panties up my dress. 

I felt that same rising rage then and as I walked back through the big wooden doors into school I decided that I would never wear a dress again, and no one would call me a girl. 

I was a boy for the next 6 years.

I wont “brand” myself. Im not a fucking factory cow. 

Im not here to monetise myself.

Im not here to flog the old dead corpse of capitalism.

This is no longer “just the world we live in”

It had its time but its already dead, a crumbling husk releasing clouds of toxic fumes as it decomposes into the fertile soil that I, that we, are building roots in. 

I hated it as a kid - I would pray never to grow up because I hated it so much - this world were we have to decide on roles and play them to please others expectations. I hated it as a teenager so I drowned myself in drugs and chaotic revelry. I went travelling when I was 19, for 2 years, and experienced a different way of life, on the road - one that felt like it fitted better, but that level of looseness isn’t sustainable. I moved to Berlin so I could have some creative freedom by working less, but still the hatred rose and I nearly killed myself for a second time. 

In Berlin my boyfriend and our landlord would argue with me all the time, while I sat by my paintings in that awful basement corridor:

“Why aren’t you posting pictures online?”

“Why don’t you make a website?”

“Why don’t you approach some gallery’s?”

“WHY do you create work if its not for being seen by others?

It infuriated them no end, both being artists who poured all their energy and more into trying to get recognition, to get valued, priced, acknowledged, accepted, loved, respected, payed, hired, whatever the fuck. 

It frustrated them to see I had talent that I “couldn’t be arsed to share”. Because I was “scared” because I didn’t have enough “self worth” or what? They didn’t know. 

Ill fucking tell you. 

Galleries are where art goes to die.

Get sucked dry by the vampiric, hungry ghosts of the bourgeoisie 

Why, 

Why should I, 

Be valued at the whim of people who will never understand where Im coming from? 

What goal is it to get into the Saatchi, or the Tate? Who they fuck are they, these entities that tell me what my fucking worth is? What achievement is their acceptance?

Im not saying we should create work just to fester in the lonely dark unseen or heard. 

Im saying the only place I could ever imagine my work having any value or place is the streets. 

Where it can be found by those who it will comfort, who will feel recognised, heard, seen, connected, not alone - and empowered. By those who don’t feel comfortable in “galleries”. 

Because why not preach to the choir? Why’s that so bad? 

Maybe they say theres no point preaching to the choir because they fear the power that will generate. 

I appreciate that theres a necessity for those who reach out to the faceless masses, to change minds, to convert. They exist at the perimeter of an expanding circle, and we cannot do without them, I do have the utmost respect. 

But they play a part in a much bigger whole - change happens as a wave rises, gaining power and momentum from deep within, rising up and out until it crashes over everything and then others, the masses, they just follow. 

David Bowie changed the world because he preached to the choir. He tried for years to appeal to the masses, and if you listen to this music for that time is hilariously tragic. 

But then he threw that towel in, pushed through into the expanse of himself and became something gloriously and unabashedly authentic to his multitudinous, fluidity of being and all the weirdos, all the strange ones who didn’t quite know where or how they fit, isolated, hiding in veils of normalcy -  they heard him and they saw him and they resonated, recognised, felt no longer alone, felt connected - and empowered. And these souls are by nature powerful. Beneath the soil as his roots drew theirs out and met - the forest that sprung forth from that collective power shook and broke the paradigms of the known world.

The rest just followed, and their still catching up! haha. 

The power of the strange is unrivalled. 

We are what’s coming.

This temporary lapse into the myopic monoculture mind that has caused so much suffering is already over. 

So why are we always expending energy trying to reach out to “them”? Trying to “change minds” I don’t want to change anyones mind. Those kinds of minds are fickle and will follow whatever rising before them.

I appreciate what has come before because the way has been paved, but its time for dying, and spring is already here, like shoots just beneath the soil. I want to reach out to those who already know, who already feel it, to drawn those roots out and build that network underground, to empower each other.

Preach to the choir! the choir needs to be preached to and to preach to each other. Because by making our roots strong and connected  we can spring forth from the rotten ashes of this burnt out old world and generate a new one. 

The rest will just follow. 

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 15.01.18 lb

henlo children!!!!!!!!!!

announcements:

random rambling about last week’s episodes in the mini lb tag.

i’m trying this whole twitter thing out. follow me to receive updates on the garbage my brokenass head sponge generates on an hourly basis.

song of the day: 

(because first official post of new year and all. also, aamir may now be a “legit” srs-business actor and all, but his non-obnoxious pre-lagaan era remains MY fav era of his career.) 

ok let’s get back on this horse. this slow, stupid, stubborn horse that refuses to move, but i still keep around for some reason??? (ok idk where i’m going with this metaphor)

okay, the “kuch samay pehle” thingy has changed. not sure i like it. also the graphics look like they stole it from the dhoom movies or some shit. 

right away starting off with nonsense naach gaana. already testing my damn patience.

aaaaaaaand the over-acting has started. ugh.

lmao shivaay so allergic to middle-class-ness, that harkatein such as thook se note ginnnna will LITERALLY kill him. 😂😂😂

^^^^ an accurate depiction of what watching this show makes me feel like.

and dowwwwwwwwn he goes. 

OH NOT YET APPARENTLY. abhi 5 min of reaction shots jo baaki hai.

now 40 minutes for these 5 to fucking cross a distance of like, 50 meters. kyaaaa bakchodi hai yaar. 

god the editing and “episode ko lamba kheenchne waale tactics” have gotten waaaaay worse since i last watched. 

has anika always been this bloody useless in a crisis? i can’t remember. my brain seems to have formatted itself and erased many a memory of this show in a self-preservation attempt.

a group of 5 grownass, reasonably intelligent people, yet their MO in this situation is to just waste time YELLING in the face of behosh person, instead of you know… calling an ambulance. 

kunal’s hair is looking fucking amaaaazing man. so shiny and smooth and fulla volume. pls to leak his routine and list of products. 

sharifuddiiiiin!!!!!!! (i’m sorry, that’s all i can hear when i see nikitin dheer. and so it’s what i’m going to call him. bolding and exclamation marks included.) ke imagination mein anika looks happier than she has ever been in 450 episodes of this fucking show. maybe she SHOULD just go with him???

cannot able to stop loffing at the juxtaposition of the scary villain music with this wholesome, lovesick expression.

dude, this man is…. gigantic. like… how tall is he irl???? forget tall, HOW FUCKING WIDE IS HE? 

lmao @ anika yelling “shivaay uthiye, dekhiye veer aa gaye!” 

because she knows the extent of shivaay’s crush on veer. 

is this guy really even a doctor or…….???

TF you mean he’s no more. matlab, kuch bhiiiiii, ainvayiiii. like, at least make some cpr efforts for dikhaava purposes? 

ok the oberois would be the worst ppl to deal with in an actual medical crisis. especially anika and her nonsense. 

LOL ANIKA ACTUALLY BEING LIKE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH YOUR NONSENSE “MEDICINE” AND “DOCTORY”. I WILL FIX THIS THE RIGHT WAY: BY YELLING HIM BACK TO LIFE. (aka, the highly specialized desi mom technique.)

ok shariffuddin!!!!! gonna get hurt real bad for just delivering the bad news.

OMFG I DIDN’T ACTUALLY EXPECT HER TO SLAP HIM 😧😧😧

also lolololol, dude so massive, the slap had zeeeeeero effect on him. it was like a random gust of wind in his direction, that’s all. 

god anika is so fucking unbearable with this garbage. someone ghumaaofy the camera to shrenu/kunal so i can at least appreciate their other-worldly beauty while this nonsense goes on in bg. 

time for rudra to put in his piece. which is just screaming “BHAIYYYAAAAAA!!!!!!!”

yes, very compelling argument. thx for that vital contribution. 😒😒😒😒🙄🙄🙄

as always, magical phoenix tears to rescue. fuck you science and shariffuddiiiiiiiiin!!!!!!!!’s medical degree! 

those chest compressions seem too slow to me? they need to be to the beat of stayin’ alive! 

this switching between haryanvi and just… standard hindi waala thing is just so confusing to me???? like, at least keep it standard in the guy’s internal monologues. why did you make the character of a certain ethnicity if he just drops the characteristics willy nilly???? 

did shivaay and anika only bring this one set of night clothes from mumbai????? har roz inhi kaale kapdon mein dikhaayi dete hai???

or do anika’s GL duties not include doing the damn laundry?????

450 episodes ho gaye yaaaar, someone buy leenesh some new pants. he’s been wearing these saaaaame ones since episode 1. 

“agar shivaay ko SACH MEIN kuch ho jaata toh????”

behen, doesn’t something or the other “ho jaata” to shivaay every 2 weeks? at this point just accept that this is your life now. and take out some tagdaaaaa insurance. 

ugh, anika and her shivaay gun-gaan. that too to omru of all people. such preaching to the choir. 🙄🙄🙄

GOD I DON’T CARE IS HE GONNA WAKE UP IS ANYTHING ACTUALLY GONNA HAPPEN IN THIS EPISODE COZ IF NOT BAKSH DO MUJHE 😫😫😫😫😫

legit my mood rn.

OMGGG IDC IM FWDING. BOHUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT HO GAYA.

oh look shivaay’s up and at it. 

i love how these ppl didn’t even see the need to like, maybe go get some bloodwork or something done, just to investigate why he actually FUCKING DIEDDDDDD for a minute or two there. 

gotta say, this shade of green is really working on him. nice. 😚😚😚😚

shariffudddiiiin!!!!! be like ‘oh my tiny innocent, you underestimate my level of creepy. i don’t need no cameras to keep an eye on your hotass wife.’

lololololol at anika being all awks and trying to avoid telling hubs that she slapped the f outta his crush. 

god, look at them laughing it up over this. what rudeass fuckers. this is exaaaaactly why noone likes you oberois, and is constantly trying to murder your asses. you ppl fullly deserve it.

“respect” my ass. what you have is a hugeassssss crush on him. you think he’s gorrrrjussss, you want to kisssss him, you want to hugggggggggg him, you want to lurrrrrrrve him. 

who this rando child that shariffudddin!!!! is threatening with kheer?? 

god i want kheer now. 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤