#i would love to be nice n clean and socialize w ppl today but!

[bunniepaws]

ALSO IT SMELLS LIKE SUMMER………….

[jelly-omelette]

Today I felt emotionally stable. I got a solid amount of work done even though I worked four out of eight hours. I had fun texting Jess. I want to call them hiro. I like flirting w them. Tho I would like to get to know them better. I don’t want to rush into anything and I wanna feel calm n comfortable around them. So far I am. I have yet to find out if we compliment eachother and if we will mesh. I think I just want to be myself around them and not worry too much abt labels or expectations. It’s good so far cuz I think we have common interests and shared hobbies like video games. So I def feel like we can bond as friends over that. And then maybe it’ll grow into something more or maybe it won’t. Kinda hard to know this early on. It’ll take time for me to feel comfortable opening myself up to them. I’m not gonna throw myself out there too soon and reveal all my cards. I’ll keep it reserved and wait for them to make some moves first. Seems p balanced so far. They said good morning to me n was initiating convo :3 so that made me happy. I’ve been doing a good job holding my infatuation back but also enjoying the rush of the moment. It made me said when hiro told me that they have neophobia, cuz I really like trying new things. And also I worry that their Coeliac disease might make sharing things more difficult since a lot of food has gluten. I like that they r pretty asian in terms of cleanliness and eating foods like natto and umeboshi. And they’re rly cute for sending me wiki articles of both those things haha. I was surprised to find out that hiro is 25 years old but I kinda glad bc I like more mature ppl. And I like how we talk in diff languages to eachother. I wonder what their friends r like. I hope they’re not all white cuz I’m scared of white ppl. I just don’t feel super comfortable around them bc they make me feel invalidated and so foreign. I think it’s cool they have a therapist cuz that’s something I’ve been thinking abt lately. Investing in mental and emotional health is always rly attractive. So are their hands hehe. It’s funny how we’re both kinda shy abt flirting w eachother. I’m not as forward as I usually am and I like that I don’t have to be to keep their attention :) and we also share a love and interest for art, which is something that is new to me that I’m really excited to experience. Cuz then we could paint stuff together and look at art museums together. But of course it all needs chemistry first. I wonder if we’ll have any physical chemistry when we meet in person. If it’ll be rly strong off the bat or be a slow buildup or maybe it won’t b there at all and we’ll feel super comfy w eachother. I wonder what our love languages will be. I feel like it’s easy to communicate love w other Asians even if they’re only half asian bc they understand both the American and asian perspectives. They thought I was 19 lol. Oh and we also both climb, that’s gonna b really really cool if we actually have good chemistry and friendship. They’re kinda shy and hard to talk to on phone tho. I hope that’ll change over time. I didn’t like how hiro called my island bald and was saying that I was leaving trash on her island >:( not nice. But other than that they seem kind and encouraging. Can’t believe I told her I’m attracted to the thought of their nice hands embracing me tenderly and they weren’t weirded out about it :D that means I can dial it down a notch which will definitely make me feel a little bit more stable and not afraid of being ghosted or it not being mutual. I’m curious abt their family dynamic and what it was like for them growing up w unmarried and mixed parents. I want to ask that but I’ll save it for later. I’m also curious about their pronouns and if they would feel dysphoric if I referred to them as my gf. BUT that can wait cuz I mean we’re not dating and I don’t wanna rush or scare them w the dtr talk. They seem pretty open tho so I feel pretty comfortable. They like olives also and actual legit lavender flavor. That’s attractive.

At first I had some traumatic flashbacks of jenna bc they reminded me of her. Strangely kinda similar. Jenna isn’t half asian, but she was adopted by white parents. Also her parents had an unconventional dynamic, the dad was a widow bc the mom took her life and the dad married a new person. Oh also hiro has tattoos and kinda dressed like her. But hiro seems more reserved and emo and I like that, and into video games. I rly rly like that :) and culture and art. I like I like. And rly studious. Me like hehe. And also gender queer. I also like hehe. And dorky n shy and playful. Def bonus attraction :D I p confident we’d get a long as friends. Def wanna solidify that first before doing anything beyond that. But ya I would definitely get in bed w them hehehe. They’re rly cute.

Anyway about my day I also practiced guitar for like two hours, played animal crossing w hiro, and hung out w EG friends. That was the highlight of my day. I rly miss em. We watched shrek and played some jack box. That was good. I had a lot of laughs. :) then I started questioning my feelings and the way that I love ray is related to the slogan from the half of it. “Not every love story is a romance”. Cuz I love that guy to death and at one point I had like mini moments where I’d really want to cuddle him or like be physical w him, but I think I just rly rly love how much he’s helped me grow as a person and supported me and allowed me to be honest w him about everything and anything. I really want to apply all the positivity and thoughtfulness I’ve learned from him to my everyday approach to life. I feel like I’ve gone from a really depressing person to someone who is still depressed but very excited and positive about life at the same time. And no longer had to desperately search for external validation or guess about whether or not I deserve love. I just don’t question it anymore who decides to give me love and who doesn’t. I feel very grateful for my friends and my financial situation, my own place and freedom and awesome coworker rex. I feel grateful that I’m still in touch with sean, kara, dixie, aish, my swe friends, Jon, and I get to have awesome conversations abt politics and feminism and funny memes w people everyday. Also my brother and my mom, eh for my dad. And also natalie and my brother who have been there since day 1. I can’t wait to explore what else is in store for me for the future and move on wo th my life. I’m excited to explore my relationship w hiro and see what I can offer and what they can offer. I hope they see value in my abilities to be emotionally sensitive, make delicious food, be methodical and logical and clean, and also have stability and boundaries and good articulate communication. I want to work on being less defensive and being more kind to myself. Not doubting when people show me affection and not questioning when ppl do nice things for me. My perspective on life and fervor to do the right thing. I want to finish my list of tv shows and movies and make some bomb ass paintings. Oh also the fact that I got closure w my ex and we’re on good terms now and they’re gonna hook me up w some film gigs :D I rly hope hiro isn’t the jealous type that gets insecure and makes assumptions abt my relationships w other ppl. I’m still scared from my relationship w bianca and paranoid abt doing the wrong thing and not having my boundaries respected. Not having my voice heard or believed. I want to see if it’s worth it to go all in first before I do. Bianca def dived in head first super super soon. Like our first date we kissed and she slept over. And I was pressured into doing it w her even when I hesitated. That was such a meh thing and sign I should’ve realized it. But my self esteem was so low I think I was unable to value my own feelings and be there for myself when I needed myself to stand up for my feelings. I hope that I can improve my social anxiety and be more kind to myself and respect myself more. I’m doing a p good job so far w that whole situation w my dad. Just keeping my distance so I can keep my sanity cuz I care about myself enough to not compromise myself for his shittiness. I love this time I get to reflect on myself. I really really love it. I feel so free. I can’t wait to talk to hiro tmrw

[skulltula]

psst answer all those unusual asks!!

so,, man y omg

started 12:24 am

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify!

is your room messy or clean?answered!

what color are your eyes?brown!

do you like your name? why?¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i am neutral

what is your relationship status? dating @dreamui!

describe your personality in 3 words or lessanswered!

what color hair do you have?black!

what kind of car do you drive? color?i c an t drive

where do you shop?uhh mostly forever 21 and i used to shop @ wet seal until it died

how would you describe your style?i have no idea tbh,, grunge sometimes and jus kind of whatevers trendy other times

favorite social media accountanswered!

what size bed do you have? queen!

any siblings?8!

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?uhh tbh just austin would be nice?? id rlly like to just live in austin it seems like a really good city especially for the south

favorite snapchat filter? dog filter 🐶

favorite makeup brand(s)i like colourpop! i only rlly wear highlighter tho?? fenty beauty seems rlly gr8 too ofc thank u rihanna

how many times a week do you shower?i bathe with olive oil and a strigil like the ancient greeks sucker

favorite tv show?cxgf!! or jtv

shoe size?7.5

how tall are you?5′4″ish

sandals or sneakers? sneakers!

do you go to the gym?lmao no

describe your dream dateanywhere w my bb! i really like just going to places like the mall and walking around tbh but ofc restaurant dates r nice?? im not as romantic as id like to b rip

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?5 dollars

what color socks are you wearing? white!

how many pillows do you sleep with?none i dont like pillows

do you have a job? what do you do? [looks out the window]

how many friends do you have? uhhh around 15

[this ones too negative]

whats your favorite candle scent? anything vanilla tbh!

3 favorite boy namesorion, adante, troy

3 favorite girl namesquinn, zuri, cherry

favorite actor? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

favorite actress? zendaya!!

who is your celebrity crush?zendaya!!!! or arian grande

favorite movie? answered!

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?n,,, i dont read a lot i dont have the attention span

money or brains? brains bc i can jus,, get money if i make some life changing shit

do you have a nickname? what is it? daizy °˖ ✧◝(○ ヮ ○)◜✧˖ °

how many times have you been to the hospital?i dont keep count tbh!! its not that many tho

top 10 favorite songshoney - kehlaniwait a minute! - willowthe other side of paradise - glass animalsbad decisions - ariana grandeperfect places - lordegravel to tempo - hayley kiyokoveggies - aminewild thoughts - dj kahled but lets be real rihanna owns the ssex - the 1975team - babeo baggins

do you take any medications daily? yyyy i should but its jus for stomach stuff so its not a Big Concern

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)dry-average

what is your biggest fear?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

how many kids do you want? 1 to 2

whats your go to hair style?short and manageable

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) small

who is your role model? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what was the last compliment you received?@dreamui gave me a lot in the ask thing she got today!! ////

what was the last text you sent?“horrified“

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?i always knew bc my mama didnt want me thinking a white man was giving me presents when it was her

what is your dream car? i,, dont know

opinion on smoking?i dont like ppl tht smoke cigarettes?? at least not the ppl tht smoke them in public non-smoking spaces or get mad when ppl r upset they have to breathe their fuckign shit air bu t ppl tht jus smoke weed r chill but i assume this was abt cigarettes

do you go to college? going to eventually ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what is your dream job? elementary school teacher!

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs!

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? hm i havent been to a hotel since i w as like,, 7?? but i dont think i have and idk if i would! ik some hotels r chill w it tho

do you have freckles? nahhh i dont

do you smile for pictures?i try to!!

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 430

have you ever peed in the woods? ye s it was a p mundane experience

do you still watch cartoons? yeah for sure!

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?crie s i love them both

Favorite dipping sauce? hmm i think maybe honey mustard

what do you wear to bed? whatever stuff i threw on after showering

have you ever won a spelling bee?na h i never entered i was too anxious

what are your hobbies?drawing, playing the sims, making ocs, writing vns that i never finish, cooking, gardening

can you draw? yeah!!

do you play an instrument?yeah! ukulele a little

what was the last concert you saw? uhhh oh god idk if ive been to a real one

tea or coffee?answered!

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?starbucks

do you want to get married?yes!! i do for sure

what is your crush’s first and last initial?cl

are you going to change your last name when you get married? yeah probably!

what color looks best on you? yellow i think?

do you miss anyone right now? yes my gf!! 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。

do you sleep with your door open or closed?open usually bc my mom used to never let us close doors ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

do you believe in ghosts?mild belief i hav mild ghost belief

what is your biggest pet peeve? oh god i dont even know???

last person you called@dreamui!!

favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry rn!

regular oreos or golden oreos? golden oreos

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow!

what shirt are you wearing? this fuzzy blue pajama hoodie w bear ears tht i got for christmas

what is your phone background?lil pineapple guy

are you outgoing or shy?shyyy but im good at pretending to b outgoing

do you like it when people play with your hair?n o unless its my gf

do you like your neighbors? i like the gays that live above me

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?i dooo, in the morning.

have you ever been high? nope!

have you ever been drunk? nah!

last thing you ate? fried rice & chicken

favorite lyrics right now“i like my girls just like i like my honey; sweet, a little selfish.”

summer or winter? winter in tx is always better

day or night? day!

dark, milk, or white chocolate?dark!

favorite month? mayyyy

what is your zodiac signtaurus

who was the last person you cried in front of? @dreamui probably!

finished @ 1:17 am to b fair i zoned out a lot