#i would keep going but i don't think my physics teacher would appreciate it

[mariaace]

Sweet things they do as your boyfriends (Haikyuu!! Setters)

A/n:I love hq sm y'all don't get them like i do okay? Also these are just half of the people i wanna do, so keep in mind this might have a part two and three💜 i just don't feel like writing these days love y'all<3

Warnings: none

Genre: fluff

Type: headcanons

Pairings: Kageyama, Oikawa, Kenma, Atsumu, Shirabu, Akaashi, Semi, Sugawara

Windbreaker version

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Kageyama Tobio

Brings you to his practice. He says he 'can concentrate better' when you are around, even tho it's the exact opposite and he is even more distracted because you're there and he doesn't want to mess up. When the leaves and Yachi, he and Hinata stay for tosses he physically makes you stay too. (Show off). He also likes to answer absolutely any questions that you ask him about his tosses and the sport in general.

Oikawa Torū

He always mentions you when some of his fangirls ask about something. Like he would casually slid it in the conversation like the topic wasn't about him instead of you and then the whole convo becomes about you and your interests, habits and hobbies. At this point instead of you the media and his fan girls, come to ask him about you.

Kenma Kozume (x f!reader)

When he is playing a game with a female character he writes your name for them. Yeah, people might think he's a girl, but who cares. If you also like to play games, he would totally like to play on multiplayer with you, and he usually zones out if you are playing next to him, but he would never tell you that, of course.

Atsumu Miya

He would tell his team that he actually isn't very clingy, even tho no ones from the tram actually believed him and the moment he sees you in the audience in the matches, after it's over he's jumping onto you. And that also happens when you two are at school. The teacher needs to separate you two so you can breathe, after that he's pouting all day.

Shirabu Kenjiro

Shirabu likes to do your make up, especially your eyeliner. He's a med student, so his hands are trained to be very still. So whenever you do to do it, he immediately asks to do your eyeliner. Pop onto this boy's lap and hand him the eyeliner, and let hi mdo the magic. You can also ramble about your day while you're at it, just keep your eyes closed, okay?

Akaashi Keiji

He loves reading out to you. Whether that be after a long day that you are tired of, because you just want to finish a book, but you're too lazy, or just if you want to cuddle with him while he's reading. If you also mention some book that you wanted to get, oh he will go out of his way to get it for you. He will sit in a chair and pretend to be reading it until you actually see it in his hands and ask about it.

Semi Eita

Semi recreates your favourite songs. We all know he can play the guitar and that he's a musician in the time skip, so he recreates some songs that you like in different variations and lets you listen to them. If you have any Ideas about how he can do them, even better. Tell him at the second you think of it, he loves your ideas.

Sugawara Koushi

Sugawara can cook like no one else. And no one can change my mind about that fact. As nd he loves doing it with you, it doesn't matter if you know how to or not, he still wants you to be there if you have the energy. He sometimes even puts music as a background and when you two are done you end up dancing in the kitchen together.

© mariaace 2024 pls do not copy, translate, steal or claim any of my works!

Reblogs are highly appreciated!

[angels-fantasy]

Girl let me just say your fics are superb and thanks for the quirkless child one I requested with Bakugou! I promise I’ll leave you be for a bit in a second, but… post final war; everyone who has came out alive clearly is suffering from injuries, health issues, and trauma (both physical trauma and mental trauma) no? So how about a Bakugou x Reader with a reader who was essentially Bubbly, Firery and Energetic, to after the war who is exhausted, is often having nightmares over Bakugou cause well he nearly died, sleep deprived and basically depressed because I can guarantee nobody should be sane after a war, especially not children like our lovely highschoolers. Please make it angst to comfort, because seeing how Bakugou also has developed I’m sure as sad as he would be he would also be understanding and try to be comforting (despite his awkwardness). I’d appreciate if you could get this done to be as close as possible (and maybe just a little long than the one I requested last time- no pressure) BUT if anything you find in my request may be too triggering or something feel free to make it less triggering and change it, I just ask if you can keep the same vibe and theme with the reader who changed drastically after the wars and is getting comforted by Bakugou, Angst to comfort (duh), thank you so much, and I hope I’m not troubling you too much! — An anon who enjoys suffering, angst, and comfort ((SAC) Anon); (get it? Suffering, Angst, Comfort, SAC, wait that has a good ring to it, damn I have a new alias, I’ll shut up now)

I'm Okay, As Long as He's Here (Request)

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Details/Warnings: reader has a panic attack and nightmares!! pls be weary of this. angst to fluff, well, my attempt at angst lol

Word Count: 1k

thank you for your request and the support :D it means a lot to me 🩷 btw don't ever feel like you're bothering me or like you need to leave me alone! i like talking to everyone :) also this is a good little plot, but im not the best at writing angst but this is helping me improve i think, so please tell me how i did! i really hope you like it SAC anon hahah

Before the war, you were a different person. Looking at you now, no one would ever guess you were once a bubbly, out going person. But Katsuki knew you were, and sometimes, he missed the old you.

It was hard to watch you wake up crying in the middle of the night from your horrible nightmares of the war. Some being about his near death experience, and others being about him dying in other ways.

Some nights, you didn't sleep at all, and it was really showing.

"Hey, keep your head up. I don't want you to fall asleep." Katsuki said. It was already months after the war, so you were all back at school, but you were one of the few students that was struggling the most.

He definitely has his struggles too, but he knew he had to be there for you, because yours were much worse.

You opened your eyes wider, trying your best to stay awake. "Sorry. I couldn't sleep last night."

"You havin' nightmares again?"

You nodded, he sighed.

"Come sleep in my dorm tonight. You sleep better with me and you know it."

You agreed and continued trying your best to stay awake for the rest of the day. Occasionally, Katsuki would have to wake you up or remind you to stay awake. The lack of sleep made it hard to focus, especially in Hero Training. Thankfully, Mr. Aizawa and the rest of the teachers were understanding of the students who were struggling.

Once school was over it felt like a weight was lifted off of your shoulders. You knew you had homework to do, but right now you'd rather sleep. Or at least attempt to. Since you were going to be with Katsuki tonight, you were probably only going to have one nightmare. Plus, he'd be there to comfort you.

Following your boyfriend to his dorm room, you immediately changed into some of your clothes that he had there for you, and then laid down on his bed.

For a while, you just silently watched him as he sat at his desk and did his homework, something you should also be doing.

"What're you starin' at?"

You smiled, but not as brightly as before, "I'm just admiring you."

He huffed, "Good, I'm awesome."

Rolling your eyes, you said, "And there he is."

He laughed and continued doing his homework. You just continued watching him, because it was something that comforted you. It was a reminder that he was okay and alive.

Knowing he was safe right in front of you, you fell asleep.

...

You didn't know what time it was, but it must've been late since the room you were in was dark.

You clutched your chest as you sat up in bed and breathed heavily, feeling tears prick your eyes.

Of course, you had another nightmare again. This one in particular was about Katsuki, and he was in the arms of Shigaraki. You saw the villain use his Decay quirk on him, and your boyfriend began to crumble away but you were paralyzed in your dream. There was nothing you could do.

The nightmare felt so real and so scary, like they usually do. You felt so helpless and scared. The evil that emitted from Shigaraki and All For One was something you'd always remember.

You subconsciously began to rock yourself back and forth and made self soothing noises as you continued to have a panic attack. They never got easier, or less scary as time went on. It always felt like you were going to die.

Your panic must've woke Katsuki up, because you suddenly heard his voice calling out to you.

"Hey, hey! Breathe baby, you gotta breathe." He said.

You shook your head, "I-I can't! It hurts. I'm scared, I'm gonna die!"

He carefully grabbed your hands and held them in his. He took one of them and brought it to his chest near his heart so you could feel it beat.

"What is my heart doing right now?" He asked. This was a method he used to ground you during these situations, especially because he knew how you felt about him and his safety.

You looked at his chest, "Beating. Your heart is beating."

"Right. Now what do you feel here?" He asked, now placing a hand on the blanket that was on top of you guys.

"The blanket."

"What does it feel like?"

"It's soft and fluffy."

As he continued distracting you from your panic, you eventually calmed down. You were still crying a bit, but he held you in his arms as you let it out.

"He killed you Katsuki. I was so scared, and I couldn't do anything!" You cried into his chest.

He rubbed your back, "You know that shit isn't real, no matter how real it feels. I'm right here living and breathing. I'm safe, okay?"

You nodded and sniffed, "Okay." You placed a hand on his chest over his heart and felt it beat, the steady rhythm of it comforting you.

Katsuki grabbed that hand and kissed the palm of it, "Love you. I'll be here all night, 'kay?"

"I love you too. Thank you."

"It's no problem."

The next morning, you felt more rested than usual. It must've been because you only had one nightmare, which was an improvement.

You noticed you woke up before your boyfriend, so you just let him sleep a little longer while you got on with your morning routine. You had a lot of your own things in his room, including an extra toothbrush which you were thankful for.

When he eventually woke up, he walked over to you and hugged you tightly.

"You feelin' okay?" He asked.

You nodded as best as you could in his tight grip, "Mhm."

"Be honest."

"I am! I feel a lot better than last night." You insisted as you pulled away slightly, still keeping your arms around him.

He hummed and kissed the top of your head, "Mkay. Wanna sleep with me again tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll bring more clothes later."

He smiled, "'Kay. Let's go to class." He said and threw an arm over your shoulder, making you smile up at him.

Yeah, you knew things would be okay as long as he was around.

authors note

i hope you liked it! i'm sorry it was kinda short, i've been in a little writing stump but im trying to get out of it!

love ya 🩷

tags for bakugou fics: @doumadono @shonen-brainrot

[kurov1864]

Robin dating hcs!!

- Aggressive cuddler. As in, he'll jump onto you kind of hugging. He'll wrap around you like a snake when cuddling. He'll squeeze you until you can't breathe and wouldn't let go even if the world was ending type shit.

- Might be projecting a bit but he might be insecure about being from a branch family?? In one of the manga chapters, Bachiko mentions that Robin is the perfect archer, but it was a shame that he comes from a branch family.

- ACTS. OF. SERVICE. While he is super clingy, making you think that his love language is physical touch, he actually expresses way more affection through doing stuff for you!! Like cooking for you (malewife material fr), pulling your blanket up when you fall asleep, preparing you a snack pack to boost your energy (and hopefully your patience) after being drained by an exhausting morning of teaching students, and organizing surprise dates. Mostly food-related tbh,,,

- Ohmygod the dates. I'm not sure what is up with him and dates but he love love loves to make each date more unique then the last. For example? A picnic date near the everflowing lava lake, where you both compete to see who can guess which geyser shoots the highest. A fishing date in the clouds, where you both quite literally fish for birds. An archery date in a crystal cavern, where you both rely on your senses and the random bursts of light the crystals emit to take each other down. With him, you would never have a "normal" date.

- Also really connected with nature. If you're not the outdoorsy type, you two might not be the best match. When he's not focusing on his students or his many teacher tasks, you can probably find him wandering around Babyls, exploring every nook and inch and finding more hidden gems. (I have a hc that Babyls is a lot like Hogwarts, with many unexplored areas that aren't shown on screen, just because it would be cool)

- Communication is key!! He's not afraid to state his feelings loud and clear, and probably expects you to do the same. If you don't say anything nor show any physical signs of discomfort, he'll take that as an OK to continue doing whatever he's doing. Please don't make him have to guess why you're in a bad mood. No matter how observant his archers eyes are, they're not all-seeing. This also means that if you're doing something that makes him uncomfortable, he'll tell you in a very straightforward manner, maybe a little more hesitant if you enjoy doing that thing a lot.

- The whole "communication is key" part will also carry over to fights. Remember, when you two fight it's you two against the problem, not each other. While that doesn't mean that you both can't show emotion to have a perfectly rational conversation, it would be appreciated if there were no emotional walls up.

- Big on PDA in front of friends/in public, a bit more toned down in front of students. Like, you cannot tell me that he's not the type to jump on you, sit on your lap, intertwine your hands and kiss your cheeks. He doesn't really see a need to keep his relationship private (not that he can), but did he really have to stuff it in everybody's faces that you two were dating? Oh absolutely.

- This brings me to my next hc. Despite being sunshine incarnate, he can get awfully possessive. That's why he wants to tell everybody that you were his by acting so affectionately out in public. This way, nobody could ever doubt or even think that you two weren't together. And well, if there actually was some knucklehead that apparently didn't get the message, he would make sure that before your next meeting with them, you would be... appropriately marked as his. Of course, he could always use his image as a socially oblivious teacher to use and scare them off imply that you two were dating.

- Speaking of socially oblivious, I hope you realize he is anything but. As I've mentioned before, being an archer and all it's in his blood to be observant. This translates to him being able to sense anytime you are in a foul mood. And being the attentive and caring lover that he is, of course he's going to try and comfort you! You don't want to tell him what's wrong? That's totally fine. He'll cook you a nice hot meal while you shower, and try to cheer you up by telling you silly stories over the dining table. Expect a few movies to be put on while you two cuddle, anything to make you feel loved and protected. You want to vent about your day? That's good as well! He'll take it as a compliment that you trust him enough to not tell anybody. Although he's usually hyper and speaks up whenever he wants, for you Robin would just sit and listen, nodding and giving appropriate comments whenever needed until you're all tuckered out.

- When finding out you're human, I honestly don't think much would change. He has full faith in Suvillian's evaluation of you, and he wouldn't allow somebody who is weak and defenceless to join the faculty. Probably the only difference would be him trying to find out more about the human world, because he's just naturally curious about everything.

- DATES FOR MARRAIGE. I cannot stress this enough. Although he's not extremely traditional like Kalego, he is extremely loyal. This means that if he agrees to date you it's basically a declaration that he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with you. He will not get into a relationship that he thinks won't last because he simply thinks it wouldn't be fair to both parties.

- Loves cheesy nicknames. Things like "cutie pie", "bugaboo", and "my lil cutie patootie". He absolutely refuses to use normal nicknames, just because. Favorite part of the day is to shout those in front of students, just to see your face turn red and try to shut him up.

[bengiyo]

Last Twilight Ep 3 Stray Thoughts

Last time, Mhok began working and was pleased with his salary. He may be rough around the edges, but he was doing his "easy" job. He had some initial friction with Day around moving his things and taking care of the fish, but things came to a head when Day tried to run from strangers seeing his condition. Mhok got triggered, thinking Day might hurt himself, and broke into his room. Mhok got fired, but Porjai came to talk to Day about Mhok putting himself through an exercise to understand Day's disability more and the two have reconciled for now.

I like the two of them straightening Day's room together and understanding the system to help him find things. It's a relief to see Day having fun with it.

The inflatable dino costumes are so silly. This is fun.

Now, Mhok, you know better than to swipe through someone else's pictures.

They saw Day making progress around the house and made him instantly clam back up by suggesting he go back to school.

Mhok's relationship with Porjai is used very well here. I love that she has moved on from Mhok and is happy, so I don't feel bad about her giving perspective and wondering about some jealousy plotline.

I like the pace of the relationship between Mhok and Day so far. Day is already asking Mhok for help on his own.

I will always love teachers who refuse to let students give up on themselves.

Mhok is a good listener and supporter. I like that he doesn't involve himself in the conversations between the family or the teacher, and that he aids Day's attempt to avoid notice.

Said the name of the show. Finish your drinks.

Thank you for keeping the lights on, Oishii.

I like how Mhok plays with the preconceptions that he doesn't know much to encourage Day to figure out some things. It's a very gentle approach that uses Day's own ego to move him forward.

WE HAVE FINALLY USED THE BANGKOK METRO SYSTEM IN A BL. 🎉 IPYTM came close, but we never went inside.

I love that Mhok tried to prank Day with the pink shirt. Later, in the dressing room, we know he's watching out for Day because he confirmed that he knew what was on the shirt he picked.

I like the way the physical tension between them around Day's exposed body is building.

And Day made Mhok get the pink shirt! I love this.

Mhok being sure to include Day in the conversation with the bookstore owner is a great touch. I like that he didn't let Day give up and insisted they find the book today.

Even if it's a bit artificial, I like Mhok slipping the book where Day would find it to help him have a sense of accomplishment since Day had been also sifting through books.

The last page is missing? How will we know the ending? Okay, Aof. I see you.

Increasing the price because he's Mhok's friend was so fun. It's the kind of detail that makes the world feel like it has a history. It was clearly a joke and let Day have fun.

Oh, we were having such a good day, and now Mhok feels like he has to defend Porjai and in a fight against Porjai's two-timing boyfriend. Now Day is lost.

Oh my goodness, did Mhok switch to the pink shirt to make himself more visible? I am going to melt.

Mhok is so ready for people to look down on him that he immediately owned his own history rather than let the mom hold it over him.

Oh shit that was great eye shine from Jimmy when Day started saying how much he appreciates Mhok.

Not sure what all is going on with Night and Day yet, but I like that he came to Mhok's defense after they left the room.

That was a really well done wind down for this episode.

More of Film next week!!

So, I'm really loving this show and so glad that a GMMTV show is back to sound episodic structure. Jimmy and Sea both feel much more attuned to their characters and their chemistry feels a lot easier than their last outing. This is a solid watch

[thefiery-phoenix]

Hi. English is not my first language so I'm sorry if I make grammatical mistakes. I read almost all of the marvel and viral hit series and had a lot of fun. The things you wrote are very nice. Could you please write yandere young seong hansu x reader? If you don't want to write, feel free to ignore it.

You know what, sure and thank you so much for liking my work, I really appreciate it

Hansu seong as a romantic yandere? It would be a blessing for you and a damn nightmare for the other people around you. We all know Hansu was the poster boy and the epitome of bad boy behavior, his son Taehun doesn't even match the rebellious things he used to do when he was younger. However he genuinely loves you and cares for you, too much rather to the point that he's willing to kill people for even looking at you for a second too long for his liking

Despite his stoic tough exterior he's a soft man at heart when it comes to you. He just wants to come home to you after a long day and melt into your gentle loving touch as he wraps his arms around you shielding you from the harsh realities and cruelty of the world. He's endured a lot and he'd rather burst a blood vessel than let you go through the same pain and burden as him. All he wants to do is just shower you with his love and affection keeping you safe from all those scumbags who dare to take advantage of you. He's had a lot of experience already so he's kind of justified with wanting to protect you and keep you safe, even if he has to wrap you up in silk and keep you all for himself that is

Hansu didn't undergo all that brutal and harsh training with his teacher for nothing you know. There's a reason even his friends Kim and Jincheol are a bit scared of him secretly, he's known to be a walking time bomb when he's enraged and coming from THOSE two, that's actually saying something. Alas, it's not like you'll be able to ask them for help either, they just want to see their dear friend happy with you and will do whatever the hell it takes to ensure that you remain with Hansu. So, congratulations, you also have two more soldiers with insane kill ratios and years and years of war history after you who're platonic yanderes for you now. Escape? From Hansu? Oh, you poor sweet innocent little one, how naive you are if you think you'll be able to escape from someone like Hansu. Clearly, you have no idea the extreme lengths he'll go through to get you back safely in his arms and when he does find you, he won't be too amused about the whole situation

Like I've said before, he values your safety and prioritizes it a lot. The idea of you being somewhere without him, your man, to protect you is enough to send him into a spiral of worry for you with his over protective tendencies skyrocketing through the roof even more if that's possible. He won't yell at you or anything nor will he ever hit you, he doesn't believe in hurting the one he loves. He'll just firmly tell you with a stern expression to never do such a thing again, it's like a parent scolding a child but don't worry, he'll shower you with lots of love and affection later on. He can't afford to be mad or angry at you at all, he loves you too much and before you know it, you'll be on his lap cuddling him while he wraps his around your waist possessively ensuring you'd never leave him. Oh, but don't think you're off the hook yet, he'll baby proof the whole house and lock the windows and doors and hide the key somewhere and there'll be a few secret cameras here and there without your knowledge of course, to keep an eye on you to make sure you're safe

I want to be sympathetic to the person who's trying to take you away from Hansu but honestly, they should just know better. If Hansu's icy cold glare isn't enough to send the other person running in the opposite direction screaming with fear, he'll have to get physical. We all know what happens when Hansu gets mad and gets physical, he's not above killing the other person like I've mentioned before. The only person he cares for and lives for is you, so if someone takes away the very reason he's alive, he feels like someone's ripping his heart out. You're his everything, his heart and his soul. No way he'd ever allow someone to lay their filthy hands on you, they better be praying to all the gods above and hope the fates are kind enough to ensure they won't get murdered or brutally attacked by a livid raging Hansu and wake up the next day in a hospital room. Actually, scratch that, they should be praying he even leaves them ALIVE in the first place

Of course, Sir Cho Pyunggyeon would know about you being Hansu's darling and he's amused that the stoic Taekwando obsessed boy who showed up at his bar years ago finally found someone for himself and honestly, he's impressed and amused. Oh, which reminds me, unless you want a whole freaking mafia group after you if you ever try leaving Hansu because Sir Cho will obviously come to his aid, don't try escaping Hansu. He just wants to love you that's all. Hansu would treat you like a precious fragile doll about to break at any second, he's so gentle and caring and kind towards you, you'll almost forget he literally kidnapped you

He can't bear to see you crying or scared or upset, you're his precious darling after all and seeing you in any kind of discomfort hurts his heart. He doesn't mean to be controlling and stern all the time but this one time he caught you reading a gory and dark and gruesome murder novel and his eyes narrowed at you as he demanded to know what you were reading. His jaw clenched as his fists clenched shut tightly that his knuckles became white. You could literally see his angry veins protruding and bursting from his fists however he forced a smile and gently took the book away from you as he tried to distract you with something else. Later on when you went to get back to the book, you found a pile of ash sitting where the book previously used to be there as you looked at Hansu in suspicion who just looked proud at what he'd done with no ounce of remorse or regret on his face. "Hansu...you're not supposed to burn books like this, they're an epitome of knowledge, it's wrong... and besides, I didn't even make it past the first chapter anyway and it was listed as a best seller" you pouted and looked at Hansu reproachfully. Hansu pulled you onto his lap as he looked at you with a love sick obsessive gleam of love glinting in his eyes as he gently caressed your cheeks and softly but firmly replied "This is for your own good my love... I will not have my sweet darling get corrupted by such dark and negative thoughts and acts like this. I don't want your innocent pure mind to be tainted by such dark material like this which will only make you sad and it hurts my heart to see you sad....'' as he kissed your lips softly and passionately

You're going to be babied and spoiled by him. He won't allow you to miss out on any meals and will ensure you follow a strict bedtime and sleep on time. With him, on the bed as you're in his arms, right where you belong. One stern look from him is enough to make you swallow down your protests. Oh, you won't be allowed to cook in the kitchen either, it's off limits for you since he's worried you'll hurt yourself but don't worry, Hansu can take good care of you and whip up some delicious meals for the two of you. Starving yourself isn't an option of course, he'd literally tie you down and make you sit on his lap and feed you and yes, he has done this before and isn't above doing this again, it's a matter of your health and well being after all

He knows you weren't too happy when he literally kidnapped you and you were angry and scared and honestly, he doesn't blame you for your feelings. He'd never hurt you or be mad at you whenever you screamed at him or just threw things at him demanding to be set free, he gets how you feel. However he loves you too much to let you go, he'd rather walk through hell than ever let you be in the arms of someone else other than him, your rightful husband. He knows and he's certain you'll love him one day just as much as he loves you, he's confident in it and when you finally do admit your feelings, he'll be over the moon with happiness and pure joy. He's such a soft man only for you though...you're his world and his heart, he'd do anything to keep you safe, you're HIS after all....

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 21- Lorelai’s Graduation Day, Aka Lovesick Stepcousins In The Big City, Part 3

I'm cheering Rory on as she leaves school grounds, leaving these 35 year old classmates in the dust, and as she manages to pull it off under the eyes of two teachers or administrators. Yes yes yes! Well from here on out it's going to be pure Literati appreciation with only minimal anger and rage, you know, my usual shtick. That being said, when that happens I start to sound a little disjointed, like, this episode is so pure and precious and enjoyable that I really don't have much snarky commentary on it and I can just watch it. What am I without my snark powers?

Destiny awaits. In one of many examples of what I call "Gilmore Girls Poor"*, which is a term I coined myself for how AmyShermanPalladino views lower/middle class/urban/city life, Rory manages to end up in the Port Authority Bus Terminal in another dimension. The Alternate Dimension, 100% white, Spotlessly Clean, Nearly People-Free New York City Bus Terminal where she stared down a scary dude without being stabbed and she was offered a locker to store her book bag. (*More examples of GGP: In season 4, Jess is 19 years old, a high school dropout, and is living in a clean, rat and roach free, enormous New York City apartment with working utiltiies and large windows that in today's housing crisis people would murder him to get, he just needed a bed frame and to pick his shit up off the floor but we are supposed to believe its a crack den; Rory and Lorelai live in a beautiful home and eat take out and restaurant food every day on nothing more than an innkeeper's slary)

This was cute. Rory the little mouse getting ignored by city folk. I love it so much.

I think AmyShermanPalladino inserted this smoking guy to make it look like Rory was in a rough part of town. Someone finally gives our little mouse an abrupt answer on how to get to Washington Square Park where she can meet her stepcousin and her destiny.

The little smirk before he turns around! And then, and then...and then...the big grin when he sees her!

I am STARVING for stepcousins!!!!!! ..And the Emmy Award for the whitest words ever spoken on teleivison goes to Alexis Bledel, as Rory Gilmore in Gilmore Girls:

Baring his naked forearms like a saucy strumpet. Book sticking awkwardly out of his back pocket. He either finds the smallest books or has the roomiest ass pockets that he keeps pulling that off. How does he do that?

This is all so precious and pure I could die.

He is RAPT with attention listening to her silly stories. Show me where Dean or Logan ever paid this much attention to her telling one of these stories.

We know, Bubs. We know :(

Red alert! Red alert! Our first display of physical contact!

Jess says he eats from this hot dog cart every day. Let's unpack this: 1) Holy child neglect, Batman! I mean, Liz Danes. You can't even make your kid a peanut butter and jelly sandwich once in a while? This boy is feral. These are survival hot dogs. This may be all he can afford to eat on his own. 2) How are you still as skinny as a rail? 3) How's your blood pressure? 4) Where are you getting the money?

This sweet bubba unquestionably paid for Rory's lunch like a true gentleman.

I refuse to acknolwedge any sort of Behind the Scenes Hollywood mumbo jumbo like "Milo wasn't ACTUALLY eating the hot dog" or “umm, it’s a prop hot dog”. i am firmly committed to a scenario where everyone on the set for this episode was like "Milo our precious vegetarian baby boy we will get you a tofu hot dog to eat"

Ending this chapter with this adorable face.

[petitelepus]

hello! i apologize in advance for writing so much

but i hope i can get a normal matchup for twisted wonderland! i go by she/they. i’m 21 and pansexual.

traits: ENTP 6w7, leo, deadpan (i say jokes with like a straight face so people genuinely get shocked by me saying something unexpected), diligent (people have told me their first impression of me is that they think i am boring because i am somewhat of a teacher's pet), funny, perceptive (i am good at reading people and it's something that i'm proud of but also sometimes sad about. i can read when people are sad even if i haven't known them for long and it can either startle them or comfort them when i bring it to light.), thoughtful (i do things with others in mind), physically affectionate, 'sardonic and sarcastic' (my teacher's words, not mine.), creative (i have random bouts of energy that i use to make ideas. random things pop in my head every now and then and my friends whom i share them with think they are very odd but they expect it from me), eager to learn (i like to challenge myself intellectually so i come off as nerdy), "mature" (i don't like saying this because my definition of mature is probably miles different and some people would say my humor is immature but ive had people tell me that in serious situations, i show a lot of maturity), tomboy, empathetic

i have a lot of hobbies, but i get so bored i drop them every now and then– my only consistent hobbies are probably sketching, gaming, writing, running, and editing, but i also recently picked up needle felting. i like wearing and having cute things but my personality in general is very stereotypically 'masculine' so i hang out with more dudes than girls.

favorite things: psychology, typology, games, animanga, rice, heavy rock/metal

dislikes: wasabi (or anything that has a strong flavor), inconsiderate people

I match you with Malleus Draconia!

You're clever and independent, and as a Scarabia's student you can be cunning but most of all you are diligent. You take time to make decisions and in the end, it pays off well for you.

Now, you and Malleus aren't that different, which is why you two are well-suited for each other. You're both deadpan, not letting your emotions show outside, but like you said, you can read people like open books and this is how you saw how lonely Malleus really was despite his royal status.

You're a kind one, eager to get to know Malleus better, and while your friendliness may be a little weird to him at first, in the end, he appreciates that you are willing to try and get to know him. Most people fear him and he is so used to it that he never expects kindness from others.

But you weren't just another human, but a thoughtful and affectionate one. You're willing to put aside all the rumors you may have heard of him and try to start anew with him. An act that warms Malleus' heart and encourages him to open up to you.

You take your friends' comfort seriously and this includes the Fae. May God help those who talk bad about Malleus while you are at earshot because if you hear someone talking about anything that can even be considered mean, you will go and defend your friend fiercely.

You don't need to do so, Malleus is already used to people talking, but you insist that he doesn't deserve to be treated like that. Words that echoed in his mind and how cute you- Wait, cute?

As you are eager to learn, Malleus is more than happy to share his interests with you, and that includes his love for gargoyles. He may be showing you the magnificent stone statues when you suddenly look at him and smile.

"You could say these guys were the original… Rock musicians?"

You start giggling and laughing at your own joke and while Malleus may not understand it at first, your smile is all he needs to feel joy.

"Child of man, your humor amuses me and keeps me entertained but it's your smile that I treasure most."

Dayem, when did he become that smooth!?

As you are physically affectionate, and while Malleus is a little awkward, he happily accepts your affection and tries his best to return it to you because he understands that it means a lot to you.

Malleus is new to technology of any kind so when you introduce him to video games, he is in awe.

He has this naive and childish wonder in him as he watches you play and if you try to teach him, he takes a lot of glances at you, trying to see if he is playing right. You're a good teacher, patient, and kind, so even if he fails he has fun with you there by his side.

[tsumuus]

Hiii! I couldn't help but notice your 555 event and I would really love to participate in it. Could you do a matchup with an MHA character in a romantic relationship? I am heterosexual (straight) and I am a female. I'm pretty chaotic but sometimes calm as well. I kind of have a lot of different personalities but I can be low key sadistic, insane, snarky to other people. I'm not really a fan of socializing with people, but that doesn't mean I don't have a few friends. Around others, I'm pretty quite and rude, indirectly insulting them but brushing it off like "it's nothing" or whatever, I mean I do try to have manners to, but there's an extent where that goes. I'll just say the usual but don't expect me to compliment. But around my like... one friend (don't judge me) I am laughing like a hyena with her at every tiny little thing. And we even go to food courts at a mall, sometimes coffee shops or just the park and sit somewhere in a corner so we can silently judge everyone and make funny stories up for them. I usually try to stay calm under pressure or stop myself from blowing up when I'm angry cuz if I do, it's bye bye poor human, you won't even need a grave to bury your dead body cuz your soul and lifeless being is being sent straight to god. But most of the time I try to stay calm cuz my best friend keeps me under control from outright insulting people and forcing on a smile. My love language is physical touch or quality time because I find comfort in just being with a person. Words don't necessarily have to be exchanged. I'm pretty chill with my receiving love language, but I prefer physical touch too. My hobbies are sleeping. Yes I like to sleep quite a lot. For most of the day that is. I guess you can say I'm pretty nocturnal since throughout the day I feel lazy but at night, I go with my friend to 24 hour grocery stores for snack runs and twice I have scared two employees by being a bit too dark and chaotic and my friend had to give them an extra tip so they wouldn't call the cops on us (yeah I think I need some help). I also like to think of serial killer stories for everyone and what would they go to jail for, whether it be teachers from back when I was in school, or my classmates from then, or anything for that matter. It gets pretty fun too. When it comes to dating, I really really need someone who is chill. Cuz if that person has a lot of energy 80-85% of the time, then I am sorry, he will have to deal with my lazy ass, I CAN NOT! I hate partying too, cuz that would mean socializing. Honestly, if I have my partner to yap to about stupid things I read on the internet, that is more than enough. And also I would like someone who would be able to deal with me like I am normal cuz I have a lot of weird habits and outbreaks so if he could just be like... "..." "okay moving on" ...that would be really nice. And I absolutely hate judgy people or people or try to give me unnecessary pity or beat around the bush. Because I really hate when they won't get to the point. And also, I wouldn't see it as a defect or anything, but just something unconventional, if my partner tries to get me to me to be more nicer instead of being snarky, that kinda sounds like big defect. But we could try working it out. And he shouldn't be like "Girls can't do this" or "girls can't do that" I will piak him to the sun to get his ass burned instead of roasting him myself. Basically, I'd like someone with an open mind. I really appreciate you doing this, thanks. I hope you have a great day ahead °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

your perfect match is...

₊✩‧₊˚ shoto todoroki ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ runner ups: tokoyami fumikage and neito monoma ˚₊✩‧₊

✧₊⁺ he’s not one to get flustered or overwhelmed easily, so your chaotic energy and sharp wit wouldn't bother him

✧₊⁺ his nonchalant nature means he wouldn't judge or pity you, he’d simply understand that it’s just part of who you are

✧₊⁺ you mentioned that you can be both calm and chaotic depending on the situation

✧₊⁺ shoto, with his dual nature, can relate to that balance

✧₊⁺ he would appreciate your calmness when you're being chill and laid-back

✧₊⁺ but also wouldn’t mind when you flip the switch to your more chaotic side

✧₊⁺ he’s someone who naturally accepts people’s complexities and wouldn’t expect you to be one-dimensional

✧₊⁺ since you're not into socializing or partying, shoto is the perfect match

✧₊⁺ he’s introverted and prefers quiet moments over loud, crowded places

✧₊⁺ you both could spend hours together in comfortable silence, or just talking about random things you’ve read or thought about, something you mentioned you'd enjoy

✧₊⁺ your love language being physical touch and quality time fits well with shoto

✧₊⁺ he isn’t much for words, so he’d naturally express his affection through subtle touches, like placing a hand on your back or holding your hand when you're walking

✧₊⁺ also he might find your darker sense of humor oddly entertaining

✧₊⁺ while he wouldn’t actively join in with your "chaotic behavior," he would certainly listen and maybe even offer his own dry, deadpan responses that make you laugh

✧₊⁺ if you ever needed help with damage control

✧₊⁺ he’s the type who could easily step in and diffuse situations with his stoic demeanor

✧₊⁺ shoto is very open-minded and understanding due to the hardships he’s been through

✧₊⁺ so he would never be the type to belittle you for your habits, quirks, or behavior

✧₊⁺ he wouldn’t try to change you drastically, but if he ever encouraged you to be a little kinder (like you mentioned), it would come from a place of genuine care, not judgment or superiority

✧₊⁺ your fear of losing control when you're angry would not faze shoto

✧₊⁺ he’s used to intense, fiery outbursts thanks to his background

✧₊⁺ so, if you ever do lose your temper, he would remain calm, helping you cool down without adding fuel to the fire

a/n hope you enjoy! <3

₊✩‧₊˚ 555 follower event ! ˚₊✩‧₊

main masterlist

[existslikepristin]

Okay, so I had someone send me an ask last night and now I've been thinking about it all day. It wasn't anonymous, which I appreciate, but I'm not responding to it directly for because

I reached out already to say I'd do some editing, and I've let them know the rest of what I'm about to rant on below, but I want to make sure at least a few more people see this

I flip flop around on how to say this shit all the time. Like, do I say that everyone's a good writer in their own special way? Do I say that you don't need likes and reblogs for validation? I don't fucking know what to say except for maybe one more thing that I'll reiterate until the day I die with various embellishments that will fade in and out

You. Yes you, the person who's reading this who is also a writer/aspiring writer. Come closer. We share a bond, you and I, so really get in physically close

Art can't be contained, you scrunge

If you don't think whatever you're creating is art, go to a damn museum. Or do a virtual tour. Or google the phrase "modern art". It doesn't matter. You're going to see some shit in there that, I would hope, makes you think the artist was a dipwad

I'm ranting more than I thought I would. Here's a keep reading line

You know who fucking sucks at art? Pablo Picasso.

Look at this absolute pile of bullshit, then look me in the eye, and tell me this isn't the colorized manifestation of an elementary school dropout's Wattpad account

"But ELP, Picasso demonstrated actual working knowledge of anatomy. This is just his AbstRACt sTyLe"

SHUT UP. Nobody asked you, Barbara

Picasso, Piet Mondrian, Andy Warhol. Their artworks are money laundering schemes. Their fame doesn't come from their talent. It comes from obscenely rich people trading blood diamond money for crisp, clean, still-fake money by claiming that poor people "don't get it"

And yet, despite popular opinions being developed because of ridiculous sums of money being pegged up these guys' assholes, artists today still find meaning in their works, tunneling straight through their cognitive dissonance to tell themselves that, no, I actually enjoy staring at blocks of washed out color until my retinas have burnt in just the right spots that I can see an actual human face because an art teacher once told me that these pictures got the most likes on the pre-internet Tumblr

Does that mean people don't actually like this art? Am I trying to tell you you shouldn't like this art? Maybe, but then you'd be obligated to remind me that Churchgirleum Yawjinius is a disgusting assault on your imagination and yet has as many likes as Definitely Real Medicine, which you wouldn't believe was actually written with all the earnestness my void of a chest cavity could muster

Take it from someone who willingly threw away the opportunity for automatic dozens of reblogs and hundreds of likes per post by telling people to fuck themselves (and still gets a bunch for some reason):

The validation is cool, but it's not worth it

The validation does not define what is good or not

What is good or not doesn't even matter

You're not going to make money off this shit

Someone who is genuinely terrible is going to get more validation than you, and is going to flaunt it in your face, and their writing is still somehow going to mean something to way too many people, and it doesn't matter because their soul is just as unfulfilled by the validation as yours is unfulfilled by the lack of it

What is fulfilling is doing something because you can

You are your only source of real validation, no matter what fuzzy dopamines you get from the vapid click of a like button

Oh, and if you do get the validation of Tumblr notes, that doesn't mean your work is shit or you don't deserve love or whatever. Accept it graciously because it's definitely not uncool that people like your shit, but recognize that it's not going to cure your depression

Art is art. We can look at Roman columns and marvel at how their art built modern civilization (though the Romans can fuck themselves IMO (oh wait they literally did haha)), but did it really? Art makes otherwise brutalist architecture tolerable, but the curly Qs at the bases and tops of columns isn't what kept the coliseum from collapsing on thousands of people watching live murder

If you have a story that has overstayed its welcome in your head and needs to be on paper or on a screen, then write the fucking story. Nobody actually cares about the qUaLiTy of your spelling or grammar. They care about being given permission to think about Karina's tits. Do you think their opinion matters?! I mean, they may have great contributions to make on their own, and they should have voting rights, and it's chill if they have something nice to say to you, but the point is that they're already thinking about Karina's tits regardless of your writing. They're just your thralls to manipulate into thinking about Karina's tits in the way that you, the all-powerful artist, want them to think about Karina's tits. If they try to tell you "Karina's tits would have tan lines" then write a whole fic about how Karina is a nudist and has a perfectly even tan, and who's going to argue about it? The idiot who wrote a pedantic comment? No! It's YOU. THE ALL-FUCKING-POWERFUL ARTIST WHO ACTUALLY MADE SOMETHING TO PROVE YOUR POINT WHETHER OR NOT IT IS CORRECT

If you're an artist, then fucking act like one. Embrace the chaos inherent in creativity. Maybe gentleman is vampire. The poison contains joy. We exist in these devastating, beautiful worlds of contradiction in which we hate people and how lonely we are, we crave kindness and embody violence, and we beg the universe to give us direction despite knowing full well that we're going to zigzag between paths. Maybe you relate. Maybe you don't. THAT'S THE POINT. You're not right. I'm not right. We both write (wow, bars)

I keep saying that everyone should just write, and it's not because I think everyone is secretly a good writer. It's because someone out there needs permission to write after being told their entire lives that their value lies in A, or they're not good if B by all the non-artists in who genuinely don't understand why someone needs to make something impractical to begin the infinitely long road to completion

The dumb fucks who don't understand want to contain you because it's in their nature to desire order. They like to come up with metrics to categorize what counts as art and what doesn't so they can change the rules on you. Chaos always wins though

So WRITE. The world doesn't need your artistry. YOU DO. If you write a bunch of shit and people like it but you quit anyway or nobody likes it and you quit, then idk. Maybe you weren't an artist in the first place, which is perfectly fine, or maybe you're giving your corporate overlords too much control over your mind. If you're an artist, you'll burn with the need to create, no matter how much you create. If you feel that, keep writing

[ashs-nerd-den]

Appreciation post for the wonderful woman that is my year head and English teacher (and history teacher last year)

She posts what gets done each week on the class teams so that we can still keep up and know what to do if we miss school

She posts all of her PowerPoints there and all of the digital resources that she uses in class there

She has a tray on top of one of the presses with spare copies of any handouts from the week so that you can still get the physical handouts if you were absent

When she found out that I hadn't gotten my accommodations last year and how important they for pain reduction, she skipped over the policy so that I could be allowed to leave class if I'm in too much pain to take a break so that I can keep going. If she hadn't done this, it would've taken months until I was allowed to do this

She's given me permission to just study in the resource room when I have upstairs classes when the stairs would be too painful/dangerous (the elevator doesn't work, which she was VERY pissed off about) and she tried to shuffle things around so that I could be in downstairs only classes

Has said on numerous occasions that she does not care in the slightest if I miss a couple of classes to save myself pain, because my health is more important than whether I'm in the classroom and she knows that I'll catch up anyways

Had expressly told me that I am BANNED from feeling guilty or embarrassed about using my accommodations because if it saves me even the smallest bit of pain then it is a great thing and anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot

During assemblies, she lets us all sit down so that we don't have to stand there for 10/20 minutes with bags our backs (I was barely conscious for assemblies with my last year head because he made us stand for them and I was barely conscious in the class after them too because of this) and she double checked with me to see if sitting was easier or if I was easier for me to stand because she saw how hard it was for me to stand up

Last year, when I forgot to do my history homework, when she took up my journal, instead of writing a punishment note, when she saw the note that my mam had written explaining the the most basic stuff of what we knew about my health issues at the time, to excuse me from PE, she decided not too get me in trouble, and kept me back after class to check on me and basically said "you've enough to be dealing with, with your health, a couple of history questions aren't that important in comparison"

Whenever I stay back to help clean up her classroom (I had her last class x2 a week last year and once a week this year) we always have the chats and we just talk about whatever and shes honestly just such a LOVELY person

When I gave her chocolates and a handmade candle last year as a "thank you for teaching me" she gave me the biggest hug (after asking permission first) was so greatful and was nearly in tears

She is an amazing person and I know that she will never see this, but I just thought that I should write this to acknowledge how incredible she is, and kind of to brag about how I get to have such an incredible teacher and year head

[lone-rhapsodist]

Next week will be my last week at the school. So, naturally, the one that just ended has been a hell of a week.

There are a few things still left for me to sort out, including a handover handbook I am currently writing. I have been allowed to hold onto my laptop until results day, so I will be able to work on this at my own pace during the holiday. To be honest, I really like the idea. It feels like I am writing a letter to my successor, and I get to tell them all the little things about the job. I have only just started, but I feel quite relaxed about it.

The next section will be about the Latin classroom, so before I write it, I will have to make sure that the room looks exactly like I want it to. I just need to make sure that I sort out the physical resources and write down where everything is. For some reason, I am kind of looking forward to it. I feel like I am writing the final chapter of my story and helping a friend start theirs. It's what I wish had been there for me when I started this job. So, I have no doubt that my successor will appreciate it.

There are other things that need to be done alongside this, but they are mostly just online resources to be sorted out, so I think that, as I write the handbook, it will become clearer to me how I would like these to be organised. I am not worried about it. I got time, and I got this.

What I don't have, however, is any more patience or understanding for my school, who have somehow managed to not find an actual successor for the job yet, and are now going ahead with the contingency plan I put together for them. That is, in summary: 1) remote teacher for KS5 (ages 16-18); 2) remote teacher plus support teacher in the room for KS4 (ages 13-16); and 3) Languages teacher with some knowledge of Latin for KS3 (ages 11-13).

1 and 3 are fine, and I think they could work out okay. But 2... that is terrible. That is literally the worst case scenario. Especially for final year students, who will be sitting their exams next summer, this is an awful situation. Granted, this could be only for the first term, and from January they could have a Latin specialist who can step in and take them through the final stage of their course. But that is assuming that the school is able to find someone for January. I will keep my fingers crossed for them, but I don't have too much hope.

In the meantime, I will stay in touch and help coordinate the efforts to keep the subject running. But I will not do their job for them. They had plenty of time to find someone and failed. Heck, just three weeks ago they had found someone with enough knowledge of Latin to be able to teach it at KS4, and somehow they managed to let them slip! Apparently they wanted them to do other things beyond Latin and History, which is what I did this year. Like, they wanted them to do Geography and Humanities as well. Honestly, the sheer incompetence of these people... It's just staggering!

That is why I am giving up on trying to solve their problems for them. My job is to do a good handover for my successor, and to help a little bit in the first term with the transition process. Their job is to find an actual successor and ensure that the subject can run on its own from January. Anything else does not matter.

I mean, I am already going above and beyond by writing a handbook for them. I can help a little bit remotely, but I refuse to do work for them without being paid. You know how it goes: give a hand, and they'll take the arm. And if they don't like that, they can have my middle finger instead!

So, next week I will be on the panel to help interview two remote teachers I found for the school, but apart from that, it should be pretty chilled, with lots of activities to end the year, including the summer concert, the staff party, and staff leaving drinks.

All I have to do is tidy my room, write my leaving speech, and enjoy my final week at the school. Hopefully I can end on a high note and not get too emotional about things. But if I do, that's okay: it's because I care. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's what makes it all worth it.

[pbandjesse]

I felt the best today that I have for days. But I was still really uncomfortable. But my energy was better and I actually was able to go to work.

But I really only survived the day because James came with me. I appreciate them so much. This would have been really tough emotionally if they weren't there with me.

I slept okay last night. But James was tossing like crazy and tried to steal my blanket and then knocked over a shelf on the wall and tiny furbies fell all over me which was a surprising way to wake up.

But it was fine. I slept alright. But getting up was hard. I was more anxious then anything. That I would get worse again and would fall apart. But I would for the most part be okay. Even if I was scared.

James was great though. They made us pancakes we would share. And would drive us to camp. I tried to not look at my phone to much because I thought that it would make my motion sickness worse. And I think that was a good move.

We would get to camp and James would help me set up. I was annoyed at what things were missing that were used for color wars this past weekend. The most annoying thing is one of my nice black basins is gone. I really hope it shows up because the nice ones are hard to replace!! I tried to not be so frustrated but it just sucks that when I can't be at camp people just don't respect my stuff. I always come back to broken things and it upsets me so much.

But I tried to be positive. It was hard but I tried. Having James there helped a lot.

And James was super helpful today. They would be in charge of the hot glue guns. And that was great.

While we waited on groups we would have pancakes and tried to just have a nice morning.

We walked down to the office to sign James in as a visitor and say hello to Elizabeth. I told her I was feeling a little better but still not amazing. I will go to the doctor's tomorrow and hopefully they can give me something. Because this sucks and I don't want to keep being like this.

The project went well though. I love felt collage and I think the kids can be super creative with it. And not everyone was, some rushed through or just did shapes. But others really impressed me and I loved seeing James work with the kids and it was just a really nice morning.

It was tough at times. My hips hurt and I just wanted to lay my head down. But thankfully I didn't feel as bad as I have. And I was able to struggle through.

At lunch me and James laid in a hammock together. Which wasn't the most comfortable physically but was super great emotionally and I just loved having them with me.

The afternoon went fine. I really just wanted to go home. But the kids were nice and I enjoyed working with them. I always forget how much people struggle to cut fabric so I spent a lot of time teaching them how to make tiny cuts with what I call the arm pit of the scissors. I had to breathe through my feelings a few times because I could feel myself being short tempered. But we would survive.

The last group was bontkirchen and one of them was so excited to learn that James uses they/them pronouns and became James's new best friend which was so sweet. They just kept saying that they never met an adult "like them" and it honestly could have made me emotional. It was so pure. James kept being all "I wish I would have known it was an option when I was your age!!" And it was just so nice to see the interaction.

We would finish up. James would write an instruction note for tomorrow since I won't be there. And then we went down to the office to sign James out and check in with Alexi. And then we were off.

We tried to stop at Peep's for my trunk but it was locked? I wasn't sure what the combo was so I would text Callie but she wouldn't get back to me quick enough. Ah well. I'll get it later. I didn't realize she was starting teacher training this week and wouldn't be at camp. That's okay! I hope her training goes great.

Me and James went to the post office. And dropped off the furby care package. It's supposed to get to Ohio on Thursday and I'm excited for them to have a new home. I hope they have some luck fixing her up.

Next we went to Royal farms for gas. And James got a chicken slider and I got a slurpie. I thought that the texture would be nice and it was! I have been trying to stay hydrated but there is a bad taste in my mouth and it's made it very hard to drink anything. But this was nice.

We went home after that. We had to go a weird way because of very bad traffic. But we got home around 430. And I was happy to lay down.

James would go for a bike ride and I would rest. And when they got back, after they cleaned up, they went to get us Burger King. But right before they got home I threw up again and was so upset about it.

But it did calm my stomach enough that I could eat half of the burger. I would then have horrible pains and have to lay down for a half hour before I could try and eat more. Which was a risk but I had barely eaten today and I knew I had to try.

And thankfully I haven't throw up again yet. I am not feeling amazing right now but I really just want to sip water and go to sleep.

I have my appointment in the morning. And I really hope it goes smoothly. I'm nervous. But it should be okay. Hopefully they can give me some relief.

I love you all very much. Sleep well. Take care of each other. Goodnight!

[harryleatherfit]

Upper East Side || A.U||

Frankie Morales

Chapter 5: Audition

word count: 4355

warnings: fat shaming (i’ve been bullied severely so i can write one pretty fucking mean bitch, middle school was not for the weak), alcohol consumption, age gap, mentions of student teacher relationship, anxiety, trauma, emotional parent abuse

pairing: frankie morales x f!reader, soulmates, slow burn, slight angst (maybe)

🪩Main Master List🪩 Series Master List🪩

—-

You couldn’t believe him the other night. You didn’t want to hear him out. You felt drunk on him from the other night still it sickened you. It was so bad to the point you almost couldn’t go to your first shift, but you had to go. Money was the only thing that was going to keep you alive.

You walk into the bakery and Matilda is excited to see you, she preps you for the cash register and how to greet customers.

“It gets busy around noon,” she reassures you, “Don’t worry though, you’ll be fine. You’re a charmer honey.” As she walks into the kitchen to make the pastries.

“It’ll all be okay.” You reassure yourself. In the past you worked food jobs in high school, but that was a small town. This is a bakery that could get filled up for hours with no break, almost like starbucks but prettier.

A couple hours go by, you’re going steady and chatting with your customers. Occasionally having a few slip ups with orders. Getting tipped here and there.

As you're talking to a customer, you look behind him and see Mr. Miller. You give him a friendly smile.

“Hi Mr Miller! Nice to see you today.”

“My favorite student,” He looks a little shocked seeing you, “I can’t believe you work here!”

You guys have small talk about voice class and he asks, “Are you auditioning for Lady Macbeth? I’d only suppose so…”

“Yes I’ve prepared for it, I’m a little nervous but I’ve searched up on Shakespeare the best I could.”

“Well the only thing you can do is your best, I know you can do it, I see your work ethic in my class and it can only excel for the show, what role would you like?” He asks.

You haven't thought about that, were you even talented enough to get that kind of lead here? “I mean I’m shooting for an ensemble at the very most, there’s no way I’ll get Lady Mac.” You look down, handing him his food and coffee.

“Oh no, don’t say that, I’ve heard around how well you are at acting and seeing you as Sally in Cabaret made the whole department decide that we needed you, don’t tell yourself you won't get Lady Mac because you have a clear shot at getting it. And if you don't, you have the musicals in the Spring.” He finishes.

“Mr. Miller, the fact you went all the way to UNCSA just to see me perform is mind boggling, thank you for giving me a shot and just seeing the potential in me. I appreciate it so much and I’m beyond honored to be one of your students.” You say to him.

“No trust me it’s my honor, I’m very excited for this year, I promise we picked you for a reason. I’ll see you in class.” He finishes and gives you his regards to have a good day.

Maybe your first shift wasn’t going to be as bad as you expected.

------ +Frankie POV+

Benny walks out of Matilda’s and calls up Fish, “You’ll never guess who I ran into while getting breakfast.”

“Who,” Frankies rough voice says over the phone.

“I ran into Her. She works at Matildas, she just started working there. We talked about Lady Macbeth and my voice class, we never mentioned you though.”

“Well yeah because, she probably doesn’t think that most of her teachers know that we almost kissed, and that you guys are my best friends and I confide to you guys for everything.”

Ben could hear Fish stiffen in tone over the phone. Fish was tired from thinking about you all night. He's lost sleep and his body is weak from not being able to be near you. It physically pained him that you left him on that stage. If he was quicker with his words, you would've gone off with him to have a night together.

“How did she look? Did she look happy? Sad?” He asks.

“She looked fine, a little tired, probably stressed, but you need to fix this so she doesnt fuck up that audition you blistering idiot.”

The other night Frankie decided to call over all the boys for poker, and to ultimately tell them about you.

“Fish, who's about it now? You’ve never been like this. You’re acting weird and you’ve been off for weeks now” Pope says.

They all were a couple drinks and rounds into the game, Frankie masking the feeling of missing you.

“Yeah what’s got you dick all in a knot fish?” Ironhead yells out.

“You can tell us man, we're here for you.” Benny reassures.

“I’m afraid to say, it’s not gonna get the best reaction.” Fish mumbles.

“Ok so go on you old bloke, we can pretty much take anything.” Ironhead laughs, getting agreement from the rest of the guys.

“It’s the actor transfer from North Carolina.” Frankie finally says out loud.

Pope and Redfly both spit their beer out into the air, “What?”

“Guys I know,” He slurs his words.”This is really risky to even say, I don’t even know what I’m saying. But I saw her in that show in North Carolina and she was so pretty on stage I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. It was like I was suddenly tied to her and this constant reminder was this ticking bomb in my head until I finally got to be with her alone. And when we finally were alone, my head was silent from everything, she calmed it. And I fucking managed to mess it up like I always do.”

Fish was the technical director of the whole school, so he was the most respected and well known out of all 5 of them. He had an image to uphold, but at this moment he didn’t give a shit if he was fired for you.

“I know this is fucking dumb and I shouldn’t be doing this. But I don’t know how to replicate this feeling in my heart when I’m around her. I don’t know how to not be around her. We almost fucking kissed other day and I blew it. And I know I’m her teacher and were all her teachers, but fuck I get this feeling and it makes me sick, and she’s the only person that can calm it down.” He finishes.

“So please don’t tell me to not pursue her because I genuinely don’t think at this moment I can hear that. I went up to her after Cabaret and just introduced myself and met her. Without even knowing her guys… she hugged me and thanked me! for telling her a good job. She didn’t even remember me when I saw her again for the first time. I've been waiting for so long…” Fish trails.

“Fish, man, if you like her this much what can we say?” Pope asks. “If I’m talking for all of us, yes she’s a student but she's a senior, you're an old dick yeah, but we all collectively brought her to this school because she’s going to give our department that maturity and thinking that it needed.

“Yeah I mean, you know the risks that come with this, but if it’s been for this long and you feel this strong, don’t you think it’s worth it? And if you almost kissed, you can make it up to her, you can tell her how you feel, you know.” Redfly says.

“Yes but I was mean to her, I hurt her feelings, she performed for me and I was cruel to her and she ran off from me, I didn’t know I made her so nervous.” He chokes through his throat. Frankie proceeds to pour more whisky in his cup.

“I’ve worked so god damn hard for this school and I’ve worked my way up, am I really going to ruin that all for how I feel for someone.” Fish outwards his inner thoughts, he wanted to be realistic with himself. “What would happen to her if people found out? Would the dean make us both leave? Would she be hated on by everyone in this whole fucking school because I ‘played her a favorite’?”

“Dude get your shit together man, do you think people would care that much? If you love her that much you have to be there for her. Imagine how scared shitless she is right now? Almost kissing her teacher and technical director, you’re gonna make her leave this damn school before she graduates! Imagine how hard it’s been for her?” Iron head pests at Fish.

He was pondering in his head. If his friends were okay with him liking you, then are all his fears gone?

“Fish? You okay?” Benny says over the phone. Fish was thinking about that night and how he wants to talk to you next. Would he talk to you before your audition?

“Yeah man, thank you.”

“No problem, she’s a good one, so seriously fix this.”

———

Your audition was in a couple hours and you were prepping with Hannah, Rose and Laylah. You all woke up and had a beautiful breakfast in your suite, letting the windows open and playing Fleetwood Mac. It only felt right to set the vibe and ease your mind.

“What theater is your audition in?” Hannah asks.

“It’s in the Abe Burrows theater.” You reply.

“Ah that's a good one, it’s intimate and you’ll have enough space to creativity do your monologue, trust me you’ll be fine.”

“What do you feel like wearing? I’ll get it out for you and you can give us a little fashion show before we walk you there.” Laylah says with enthusiasm, trying to make you feel better.

“Something light, but professional, something appropriate for the judges but something that screams me.” You say.

“Ok give me a second.” Laylah disappears for a second and comes back with the most beautiful outfit, you've never thought of this combo.

The tanktop was a gift from Laylah, you only wore it on special occasions, as it cost a lot of money. It was longer, but dressy and cut down to a v perfectly above your chest for modesty. It was a meshy material with gold, dark blue and white beading patterns. It reminded you of going off to Greece and living there forever in the sun.

She paired it with tan linen shorts that weren’t too baggy or see through, the perfect material. The perfect outfit for the perfect day.

“You know me so fucking well Laylah.” You smile ridiculously.

You decided to not wear any jewelry, you didn’t want to stick out or draw attention to any areas of your body. Your shoes were simple free people wedges you had thrifted and you felt ready to go.

-----

You arrive at the theater with your friends, “We’ll be just outside once you're done, and you can tell us all about it, have a nice dinner somewhere and be distressed. Get ready for the rest of the school week, and worry about the cast list when it comes out, okay? Rose says. “One last group hug!”

“Thank you guys, I genuinely couldn't ask for better friends.” You couldn’t they've helped with everything through this process, helped you with your anxiety intermixed with your audition anxiety. “I’ll see you guys on the other side.” You smile with a wave as you walk in.

It's a big place, you look at signs to figure out where to go and there's a big audition line. You sign in your name and wait through the 30 minute line.

As you do, you go through the monologue in your head, what movements you want to do. Your pacing, what words to stress on more. How you want your face to look at certain parts, the scream.

Once it’s almost your turn to go into the theater, you see someone walk out. It’s Nina.

Once she sees you she immediately scoffs. So far so good, you think, you still have time to ditch and leave if you wanted to.

You angle your face down, pretending you’re picking your nails, leaving your phone with Laylah to take any distractions away from you, but of course she comes up to you.

“You think you’re getting Lady Mac country bumpkin?” She gives you a dirty look. “I’ve put my whole life into acting and singing and you come along thinking you’re gonna replace me? Good luck.” She looks you up and down. “You’re too fat for it anyways, you think you’re going anywhere with that face shape and nose? Please, you think you can make it without any plastic surgery, nothing to be ashamed of sweetie, you need it the most!” She laughs.

In this moment, you feel like shutting down, running into someone's arms and crying. You feel like heaving. You’ve never met someone as mean as your mom, and here you are, being taken back to the years of humiliation and crying.

You're reminded of the constant years of having pain in your chest and not being able to breathe. The thought of moving almost made you throw up. You couldn’t speak or stand up for yourself, you just had to take it and accept her words. If you tried to speak for yourself, she’d only find another crevice to bury herself inside of you.

“Oh honey you think this is bad, watch what happens if you get in my way, wanna be slore. Not will I only make your life hell, I’ll make sure you get kicked out of this school. I’ll go on every social media website, platform and podcast show, saying how you bullied me, and I’ll have every bitch in this school backing me up. I promise.” She glares at you with her slithering hazel eyes, yellow snake eyes. You have tears in your eyes, not sliding down your face, but your sockets so full you can’t see. You would not give Nina the satisfaction, “Maybe after this audition you should go run 5 miles, I’ll get you an equinox membership and maybe that will make you realize your not meant to-

“Ladies, ladies, is everything all right?” Mr. Garcia came out of the theater interrupting Nina mid sentence, realizing you still had an audition to go to.

“Yes Mr. Garcia, everything’s alright. I was just cheering her on, she’s gonna do amazing!” Nina pats you on the back and you wince, her walking away and you’re still frozen, you can’t move. Begging yourself not to have a panic attack right now.

“You can come in now if you’d like?” Mr Garcia says, “It’s okay if you’re a little nervous, it’s pretty frightening to perform somewhere like this, walk with me?” He offers his hands to you.

He was being so nice, when did he even come and interrupt Nina?

You follow him through the theater, “You can sit here for a second, I’m going to prep the judges and give you a second to calm yourself” He smiles. “I hope Nina wasn’t a distraction?”

“Oh not at all.” You gasp out to him. You felt like your chest was going to collapse on itself saying that.

You’re left alone and you burst into tears, holding your hands over your heart and mouth. You couldn’t do this, you couldn’t embarrass yourself in front of those judges. You gasp for air and your heart is racing a million miles per second. You had to clear up the tears, you couldn’t draw attention to yourself.

And suddenly you hear Frankie's voice, you hear all your teachers voices and that immediately brings you back to reality.

Ground yourself, listen to his voice.

It almost made you more worried that he was there, he was going to be judging you and inspecting how you act, even when he’s already seen you perform this monologue, but now you needed to pretend no one else was in this room, you were still so unsure about everything after the other night with him but that didn’t matter. You are you, you are Lady Macbeth.

You hesitantly walk onto the stage and take in your surrounding, the judges are at their tables and you’re looking directly at all of them

Ms. Rolance, both Mr. Millers, Mr Garcia, Mr. Davis, Ms. Cheot, and finally Mr. Morales.

You give your best smile and give your slate. You give your name, year and what monologue you will be performing, they give you a second to start.

You look down and draw a star over your heart. You look up and start.

Immediately you start to quiver your voice and hands, feeling the blood all over your body again. “Yet here's a spot. Out, damned spot: out, I say.” You shout it across the theater, showing that you can project without a microphone.

"Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?” You look around the stage, and your pacing, it feels like blood is pouring off your body for this imaginary old man, almost making this your body. You’re rubbing your hands together like a maniac.

“The Thane of Fife had a wife. Where is she now? What, will these hands ne’er be clean? No more o’that, my lord, no mo o’that. You mar all with this starting.” You feel like you are sleepwalking, with this gibberish Lady Mac is saying, you feel her pain and sorrow.

“Here the smell of blood is still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.” And you drop to the floor and scream until your head feels numb. You scream the pain of womanhood away, you scream for your lost childhood, and you scream for peace in your head. Not only for Lady Mac, you scream for yourself. You struggle to get up, tears are dropping at a rapid pace and snot coming down your throat.

“Wash your hands, put on your nightgown, look not so pale. I tell you yet again, Banquo’s buried; he cannot come out on’s grave.” You shiver and manipulate your head quickly,”To bed, to bed; there's knocking at the gate. Come, come, come, come, give me your hand,” You read out, shaking violently hard,” What’s done cannot be undone,” You walk off dazed and pacing, “To bed, to bed, to bed.” And you finish.

A sudden applause erupts from all the judges and you snap back into yourself. You’re still crying so you wipe the tears and bow.

“Honey, can you walk over to us? We'd all like to ask you some questions.” Ms Roylance calls from her god mic.

You walk up to them, and they’re all heavily taking notes of your performance on their notepads, the things you would do to see what they were saying about your deliverance. You catch Frankie at the end, scribing down his thoughts.

“First off, are you okay?” Ms. Roylance asks. “Those tears kept rolling.”

He looks up from his note taking and looks at you.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine.” You respond.

“What made you scream like that?” Mr Miller looks up and asks.

“Huh?” You’re confused.

“I mean, something inside you made you scream like that,” He smiles. “What took it for you to scream like that?”

“Oh I guess there are many factors. If I can speak freely, just thinking of my mom and childhood.” You shrug. “Women suffrage for many years, I mean this show is for Lady Mac, not Macbeth.” You say Macbeth because why should a man's name be so important.

Frankie study’s how you respond, flinching when you talk about your mom.

They all take what you’re saying and write more.

“What was your focus point for your monologue?” Mr. Garcia asks.

“My hands, I vision them covered in blood as if I killed the king. I think the more crazy I feel inside, the more I can portray it on the outside. It takes mental preparation, but that part is easy.” You answer.

You think about his hands on yours, how strong he felt.

“How do you think Lady Mac would fill the space in this show?” Ms. Cheot asks.

They were going down the line, each asking you a question you’d guessed. Every answer was still a fast scribble, eating every word you had to say.

“With there being no dancing in the show, I think she would walk with correct posture, not because she wanted to but because she felt if she didn't her husband would have scolded her and hurt her. If I’m not mistaken the time period where women were killed if they didn’t obey their husbands. She’s quick with her decisions, as she’s quick with her feet. She’s not easy to please, but she can conceptually please people easily in her own way.

“Did that scream kill your voice?” Mr Miller, that’s your voice teacher, he asks in a humorous way.

You laugh, “No actually, I think screaming can make someone who sings, sing better actually. If you scream correctly from the chest, it won't damage the vocal cords.”

Mr Miller applauds you on your answer, because simply this is what was taught in musical theater for belting.

“When wearing makeup on stage, do you think this would affect your character no matter the drastics?” Mr Davis asks.

“Honestly, stage makeup is stage makeup. It has to be drastic. For Lady Macbeth, I think she would wear anything to show that she is slowly losing herself, if that means she has to look solemnly dead on stage, then so be it.”

“I don’t have any questions for you sweetheart, a great job seriously, Mr Morales, any questions or comments?” Ms. Roylacne says.

He looks up, and you meet those sweet deep set eyes.

He looks tired. You miss his lips. You miss his hands. You miss his smell. But he’s at a table in front of you and you can’t do anything about it. You forgot about everything on stage and finally being in front of him reminds you of everything you want in your life.

Him.

“I’d like to ask, what made you pick this monologue out of the selection you were given?” He asks. He leans forward an inch to watch you respond.

You think on it for a second, at this moment he’s your director and you have to be honest, “I picked this because it resonated with me the most. She feels guilty for the things that she wanted to do to make her husband more powerful than King Duncan. I don’t feel like she wanted to do it, she felt forced to do it by so many components. But in the end I think she killed herself because she couldn’t save herself. She could never live her own life because there was always going to be this burden weighing on her heart. Her husband was the cause of her death, now my interpretation is completely different but if I felt commanded in that way to kill a man for my husband, then I would have lost the will of life. I would have lost myself.”

Frankie just stares at you and the words are at loss from the both of you. You yourself can’t believe that you just said that to all the judges, but mostly to him.

Did he save this question for himself to ask you? This seemed too personal. It felt like it was only you 2 in the room and you couldn’t let yourself look away from him.

You didn’t feel violated by him, you only felt understood. You wanted to just kiss him and be held by him, after everything Nina said to you, you felt weak.

“I’ve never heard of that interpretation, I’ll take that in mind when I read it again.” He says.

You feel like if you look away, your oxygen will stop. You’ve barely had 5 conversations with him but you feel seen, an invisible string between you two.

“You’re free to go, excellent performance again.” Ms. Roylace says. “The cast will come out tomorrow, we had men audition earlier. You were our last performance of the day.”

You give them all your thanks and walk out to your friends. Before leaving the theater you check for any signs of Nina staying back, and she had thankfully left.

You couldn’t do anything about it, but the moment she jeopardizes your safety that’s when you would have someone interfere.

You walk out and your friends bombard you with hugs and cheers, they hand you a cute little muffin and you cheer, walking back to your dorm.

“I saw that girl Nina storming out of the theater about the time of the audition. Did she talk to you?” Laylah says.

“Yeah she threatened me before I walked in. She was saying if I replaced her she’d get me replaced.”

“That Nina girl? She’s fucking crazy, her freshman year she genuinly pulled a girl by her hair and it was all over social media. Before the dean could even talk to her, every video was wiped off the internet.” Hannah says.

“I’ve had a few classes with her and if you stayed out of her way you didn't have a problem but she is evil to the people that do. She’s degrading and will make your life hell. I don’t know how she still has friends.” Rose adds.

“I do, it’s because of daddy's money and he can pay for everything. He’s paid for her training when she was younger and now her way through this school. She just wants to make him proud.” Hanah replies.

“Who’s her dad?” You ask.

“This stock broker, real estate agent that has like a million assets. He’s a gazillionaire and Nina never fails to mention that she has money.” Hannah says. “Anything Nina does, gets covered up by her dad and no one has been brave enough to stand up against the both of them.

“We’ll see about that.” You end the Nina conversation.

She would not have power over you.

—-

previous || next

authors note: i promise they’re relationship is on the way. i honestly can’t believe i’ve written 5 chapters with no smut, i thought i would screw the story line and immediately jump in but. next few chapters are getting good 👀👀 happy mother’s day<333

let me know what you think!! anything i should add or what you’d like to see for this fic!!

[lightbarebunnies]

Hello! I saw that you have opened up requests and are willing to do match-ups! Could I possibly have one, please?

I'm 5'9'' and a little on the heavier side (she/her) with shoulder length, curly red hair and gray/blue eyes.

As for my hobbies, I love to draw and paint (charcoal is one of my favorite mediums) and I absolutely love creating fantasy world maps (I'm currently working on one for my Capstone creative writing final). I love writing and am in the process of writing my first book (what the map is for). I love gardening and I have a very large veggie and herb selection (My apple and peach trees are supposed to fruit next year and I'm super excited!). Foraging is something that I love. I love playing rhythm games, TTRP's ( I often play as a rogue), and video games. My favorite food would be Soba, my favorite drink would be Vanilla milk tea. Music wise, some of my favorite bands include Icon for Hire, Ghost Town, Good with Grenades, Skillet, and Breaking Benjamin.

Personality wise, I'm incredibly shy at first but when you get to know me, I can be more outgoing, I'll just need to recharge the social battery afterwards. I want to be helpful but there are times that I'm not really sure how. In high school, I was the mom friend. Anything you needed, it was most likely in the backpack. Snacks, water, lotion, a spoon (I carried a set of silverware all the time cause you never know), pain meds, hygiene products. A swiss army bag, is what my teachers called it. I have very high anxiety and can get overwhelmed very easily if I'm not careful.

My love language (giving) would be acts of service and quality time. Receiving would be physical touch and quality time.

I'm sorry if this is a lot, I wasn't sure what to put here so I just did a bit of everything! Take your time and remember to take care of yourself!

Oohh, this was a fun! It's my first time writing one of these - I might've gotten a little carried away though. If you aren't interested in my thought/decision making process, skip to the bottom!

Alright. So, I (as an autistic person) have a special interest in typology. While I'm not an expert by any means, it's just a really enjoyable way for me to analyse things - will be using some of the terms in my explanation. You don't need to know anything about enneagrams really, they're just an easy way for me to use talking points :3

Alright, initially, I decided to just think of anyone I think would have something in common with you. The list of your potential matches were

Natsume (Major Gamer, a fan of fantasy and thus creative writing, a pretty talented gardener)

Madara (Same favorite food! He is also in Kaori, which is a tea appreciation circle.)

Rei (LOVES gardens, but not so much gardening itself. Would definitely keep you company while you worked, provided there's shade. Perhaps he's introduced to you through his tea-loving brother?)

Eichi (He too is a writer, an enjoyer of gardens, and tea!)

Niki (I can imagine a nice dynamic between the two of you, he'd go crazy for your fresh produce, but you'd likely need to keep him from eating all of it.)

Ritsu (Tea fan, and a member of CRAFTMONSTER. I think he'd really benefit from your prepared-ness, as well!)

Midori (Gardener!)

Yuzuru (He is an artist!)

With that in mind, I did a little bit of just general thinking. At that point your top choices were Rei and Madara, but I wanted to delve a bit deeper.

Once I did that, I looked through each character's enneagrams to get a general idea what their basic fear and desires are. Yuzuru - 1 (Fears imbalance and being corrupted, desires balance and integrity.) Rei - 2 (Fears being unloved or unlovable, desires to be appreciated.) Eichi - 3 (Fears being considered worthless, desired to be needed) Natsume - 5 (Fears incapability or being unable to help oneself, desires understanding of the world around them) Midori - 6 (Fears being alone or lacking support, desires guidance) Madara - 7 (Fears being trapped, desires a feeling of contentedness) Niki, Ritsu - 9 (Fears loss and social rifts, desires peace of ones social circle)

I'm not the best at typing people currently, but from what you described I can see you having type 2 or 6 influences, likely as 6w5 or a 3w2.

Then I considered what you would bring to a relationship, your love languages both giving and receiving, and how they fit into everything. You're a carer. You care, you think of every possibility and prepare for anything. You then provide that to those you love so that they also have anything they may need. In my opinion - Rei, and Madara are the two that need to just have someone to be their person, the ones who sticks around even after they break down and stop being 'useful' or 'appealing'. One of the key differences between those two is that Madara is more extroverted and Rei is more introverted.

With all of that in mind… I'd match you with Rei!

You and Rei would have a Morticia and Gomez Addams type of romance. He adores you, you're absolutely enamored with him, and no one would ever question your relationship.

Rei usually brings an umbrella with him as he watches you tend to your garden, chatting with you about practically anything - if it's with you, it's bound to be entertaining. He's deeply interested in your creative writing, and likely would pick up TTRPGS to play them alongside you. He's a bit of a social chameleon, able to match your energy regardless of what level.

You offer him a place to belong, a home he can always return to. His clinginess can come and go, especially if he's in need of your attention, which comes from his lonely childhood. I think after some time he'd be far more comfortable and trusting of your bond... but he's still the type to always want to have a hand on you when you're in public. Resting it on the small of your back, holding your hand, his arm around your shoulder - it doesn't matter, he just wants to feel you there.

He tends to your needs, doing his best to ease your anxieties and reassuring you that things will be okay, and that he isn't going anywhere. When times are tough, and you feel totally overwhelmed, Rei would pull you close (likely to cuddle on a couch more often than his coffin) and just hold you. He wants you to feel him, his hand combing through your curls, to be reminded that in this moment you're here, with him, in the present. He'll ask you to share what it is that's on your mind, listening attentively as you lay in his arms. While not completely fearless himself, Rei is more than happy to battle your demons.

[indigoidiot]

Re-reading Lifeboat for the 20th time. God you are the only one who is right about these two this story is too incredible to be real. And the way you write is just so captivating I keep coming back to it. This has consumed my life I hope you’re happy. Ryugoro is real.

I AM happy actually that YOU GET IT. I have so many qualms with how they get written in the actual game (base) and I explode when any of the other ryugoro fics properly portray their relationship the way it should be (at least amicable because ryuji is the kind of guy to meet someone halfway if they have similar ground)

They would also be insanely slowburn (as i hope i have portrayed) as Akechi would be extremely slow/hesitant to open to anybody as he is. yknow. Goro Akechi. But also Ryuji is Ryuji and if there's anything he can do it's worm his way into being someone's best buddy and Akechi really needs that in a narrative where he lives alone, feels alone, and has no perceivable people actually close to him. (I would like to imagine Sae looks out for him somewhat but apparently not according to the game)

It's like. Mindboggling to me that some people don't get that Ryuji is the kind of guy who'd look out for Akechi if he actually knew what was going on with him earlier in the plot. He spends most of the story hating Akechi because he thinks he's an annoying preppie teacher's pet trying to tell on the PT to the cops. But he changes gears after the engine room fight because nobody effing told him what Akechi's deal is and he's not gonna stand by when he's on the other side of a hatch with a gun pointed at him. So why not have that meeting point show up earlier and have them actually develop some sort of relationship while they can have one.

A lot of the fun of writing Lifeboat comes from imagining the what-ifs of certain game events if the two were buddy buddy and my own personal interpretations of how the characters would act if the narrative was more interested in the characters and their motivations and character development over the physical events and what happens. (though there will be a lot more physical events going down soon in the fic) Like. The game prioritizing the shock value of Akechi dying so suddenly over his character arc potentially changing to go somewhere interesting will never not be an incredibly strange decision for them to make to me.

ANYWAY i rambled a lot I am. So glad you guys like it, as much as it's going really slow rn but rest assured I am working on it as much as I can. The next two chapters are gonna be packed so it may be a little long but I hope it's worth the wait and I so appreciate anybody that sticks with it and leaves any comments on it. I do read them and they're incredibly motivating and analytical of details I work very hard on adding in. Thank you for the ask and thank you for your support <3

[terresdebrume]

Tonight is a "let's feel undirected stress, frustration and sadness" kind of night, where multiple things might have contributed but we don't know which one! Is it:

Feeling like I fucked up with a student after the lovely words students had to say about me this morning for teachers day, thus feeling a bit like a sham?

Feeling like I fucked up with a student because I'm too focused on their academic performance and behavior in class despite having suffered from this as a teenager?

Some kind of rebound from talking to my mom yesterday and having to say the conversation went well because she said she would see my potential child "even though it would be an effort" and only reminded me once that I was lucky no one refused to see me after my trans coming out?

The vague feeling that I may be done trying, actually. That I don't know why I continue to try and reach out to the family when the best I can expect is them having to wrestle themselves into the idea of even just potentially seeing a fucking infant just because they don't fucking like who birthed it?

... you know what I was going to make one last bullet point but I think this one is it. I'm so fucking frustrated that this is how she feels about it, that this is the fucking best I can expect. I'm so frustrated that I feel more appreciated by my students than my fucking family. I'm so angry and sad because I love my students and I'm glad they like me, but also the importance that has for me is definitely linked to feeling unloved for a long time

I'm so fucking sad and I'm frustrated that I still feel too guilty and too, idk, tied down to some conservative notions of family to just fucking give up on my mother the way I had to give up on my father

I'm fucking frustrated that one of my closest friend offered to house me if I went to give birth in France and I actually like this idea a lot (even though financially it would probably cost me a lot more than doing it in Cambodia, unless I could find someone to do in house pet sitting) but the first thing I did was giving my mother the idea of visiting the child when I'm actually realizing I don't want her there

I would love to have my friend Julie there, because she's the mother of my goddaughter and she's been and amazing support and I think she's doing a great job raising her kid! But I don't want my mom around. I don't want my sister, I don't want my father, I don't want any of my aunts, and I don't think any of my cousins would be particularly interested

I don't know why I keep trying to maintain relationships with my mom's family when it's becoming increasingly clear that I don't want to. They haven't done anything violent (at least physically) or outwardly very bad but honestly

I don't want to try anymore. I'm fucking tired. I'm just. So fucking tired.