#i would be less annoyed if i didnt pass because i actually didnt know the answers

[armenelols]

I needed 6 points on my organic chemistry exam and I got 4. Do you know where I lost a point. Do you. I wrote -OH (hydroxy group) instead of OH- (ion). Yeah.

[alottiegoingon]

hc! enemies to friends

natalie scatorccio x fem!reader

summary: going from enemies to friends with nat

warnings: golden retriever x black cat dynamic, very brief drinking mention, cursing, not proofread pls ignore any mistakes

the request was enemies to lovers but i didnt want to sound repetitive so this could be considered a prequel for this if you ignore a few changes :)

𖧊 nat thought you were an excruciating pain in her ass

𖧊 when you joined the yellowjackets, she couldn’t be any more frustrated by your constant overwhelming happiness or your endless chatter

𖧊 “do you ever think about how aliens may think that we are the real aliens?” you and misty were in a heated argument about the topic while warming before practice and natalie was really trying to ignore you until she couldn’t anymore

𖧊 “oh my goood!” nat growled, hands covering her face as she was one step away from murdering you with her bare hands. “do you ever stop talking?”

𖧊 “maybe,” you reply to her snarky comment, stopping stretching your legs to cross your arms. “if you say please.”

𖧊 “i’d rather throw myself in front of a bus, actually,” she retorts, jaw clenching

𖧊 “and how exactly do you plan to play soccer with a broken leg or arm?”

𖧊 “no, that’s not-”nat tries to explain that, first of all, she didn’t actually mean it in a literal way but, second, if she did then playing soccer would be the least of her worries. but then she realized how stupid it was

𖧊 “just forget it,” she muttered, storming away with heavy steps, seeking solace in a quiet corner to warm up

𖧊 you were everywhere. yes, you went to the same school and the same soccer team but still, nat was always hoping to get a break from you

𖧊 it wasn’t very difficult for the other girls to notice that nat wasn’t exactly the happiest around you and that’s exactly why jackie paired you two, trying to make you get along

𖧊 “it looks like we are partners,” you said with a grin, heading towards nat. her narrowed eyes and tense posture were a stark contrast to yours

𖧊 “let’s just get over with it,” she couldn’t care less about small talk and she surely didn't wanna hear shit about fucking aliens

𖧊 passing the ball to each other was a very stupid idea, nat was sure of it. it was for kids, for beginners. and she wasn’t either of those. you, on the other hand, seemed pretty content with the fun and light training

𖧊 “did you know that smoking isn’t good for you?” you simply let your bold words fall from your lips, still focused on the exercise

𖧊 “how do you know i smoke?” nat can’t believe how annoying you were. she didn’t need advices

𖧊 “i saw you smoking behind school this morning. i tried to say hi but you didn’t see me”

𖧊 “oh. was that you?” she squints at the memory of a louder version of yourself was screaming her name from the open window of a passing car

𖧊 “yes, didn’t you hear me?”

𖧊 “sorry, i thought you were screaming bats”, nat explains, trying to hide a hint of a possible smirk appearing in her face by compressing her lips

𖧊 “why would i scream bats? i was saying nat!”

𖧊 “hm, no,” she nods. “it was definitely bats”

𖧊 bickering over small things was something that the yellowjackets were very tired of, especially if it happened in the locker room after practice when everyone was exhausted

𖧊 “are you filling my water bottle?” nat approached when you were by the drinking fountain, struggling to hold at least five other bottles on your arms while filling nat's

𖧊 "no, nat. i'm holding it for fun," you snort, eyes pierced on the running water so it wouldn't overflow

𖧊 "i didn't ask you to do that!"

𖧊 "the girls asked me to do theirs and yours was empty. you're welcome" as soon as you're done with it, you close the lid and practically shoves her bottle on her chest, barely giving her any time to hold it

𖧊 "it was empty because i wanted to! the water tastes like shit here," she digs her fingers into the plastic so hard that they were turning white

𖧊 "are you allergic to saying thank you or just rude?" you exhale, now facing nat with, for the first time ever, impatience in your eyes

𖧊 "fuck off, princess," she forces a laugh out, "i'm allergic to annoying and bubbly girls stealing my stuff, yes!" nat steps forward and you thought you were allucinating when you caught her eyes on your mouth

𖧊 “just kiss already, i'm so tired of your shit,” tai groans before you could tease her about it and right by her side there's van smirking at the very gay situation

𖧊 “in her dreams, maybe," you mock nat just to have the pleasure of watch her whole face going red

𖧊 after being completely humilliated by you (you made her blush) in front of everyone, nat was furious. that until she found you hidden in the spot she would usually go to smoke with her friends before school

𖧊 she was about to leave as soon as she laid her eyes on you, not wanting to get envolved in any drama. besides, she didn't like you and she didn't care. but she couldn't just leave you there

𖧊 "what's up, princess? someone stole your gel pens?" nat wasn't good when it came to comfort someone, and definitely not you. so, maybe, being funny would help

𖧊 you didn't bother to look up at her. sitting on the floor hugging your knees against your chest and burying your head onto your legs, you weren't in the mood to listen to her taunts. "not now, nat."

𖧊 nat wasn't sure of what to do. sitting by your side and mirroring your position, she pondered for a while and decided that the best thing to do was to wait. it's not like she cared about being late for school anyway

𖧊 "coach martinez wants to replace me. he said i don't kick strong enough," you slowly lif your head from your knees in order to face natalie, who was attentively listening to your first words after some solid ten minutes

𖧊 "this is crazy. what does he know about soccer anyway?"

𖧊 "he's the coach, nat," you frown at her strange way of reassuring you, despite finding it kind of cute

𖧊 "well, there's that," she rubs her temples, "but we still have time until the nationals. maybe we could practice together"

𖧊 "like you and me?" your confusion only gets worse. natalie scatorccio wanted to help you?

𖧊 "it can't be that bad, right? and it would suck to have you replaced by some other loud and irritating girl when i'm already used to you"

𖧊 this could go terribly wrong and end up with nat having your head in a stick but you were willing to take the risk if it meant that you had a chance to stay in the team

𖧊 "alright, i'm in" shaking your head, you extend your hand for nat to shake it and seal the deal. "i always knew you didn't actually hate me."

𖧊 "don't make me regret it, princess."

[fatuismooches]

muzzle anon here- thx for HURTING ME SO MUCH :D !!! that dottore fic is 'THE' dottore fic for me now, I will read it over and over and over again, it was an amazing experience. AND I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT

Since you wrote how the raven and sparrow's destinies are intertwined. I was thinking of a reincarnation (modern) au? Idk if you would be interested but I just keep thinking of doctor zandik and fragile reader

Kinda would be ironic if zandik is still experimenting on people to find a cure for reader

Or maybe this time they are actually healthy and happy together?

Oh maybe one day Zandik remembers his past life? How he lost reader? How they both ahem went to the other side haha like the whole "you are as beautiful as the day I lost you" thing

They can also met at an university (like how they met at akademiya) it is giving soulmate vibes but hear me out. When they first see each other, they instantly know each other, they don't know how but there is just this bittersweet feeling. Both are questioning why do they feel this desire to hug each other like they have been apart for so long

(I still cant over the death of the segments, Omega, and the end tho. Beta is my fav segment but ZANDY? GONE? NOO and then Omega also? Considering how reader told Dottore they still loved him, maybe Omega thought reader hated him while dying- Like in the end he thought about how he lost the love of reader. How much he messed up? Ouch .)

Actually wait segments didnt die (delulu talk)

Dottore: it was a prank.

Reader: wha-

Segments: *was just about to celebrate their birthday but now feel guilty they just caused a borderline panic attack*

YESSS GRRRR- Imagine if thousands and thousands of years have passed and Teyvat is unrecognizable from what it once was. Elemental energy, Visions, what makes Teyvat, Teyvat, are no more, and the world is completely modernized. Since Celestia is gone as well, the eternal punishment handed to you and Dottore is finished and you two can finally be reincarnated, and perhaps this time fate may give you a happy ending.

Modern Doctor Zandik and fragile reader... your illness is so mysterious that no medicine or treatment seems to be able to cure it, no one knows what's going on with you despite all the medical advances, you get sent from doctor to doctor, clinic to hospital in hopes of a miracle but nothing... But Dottore, he is widely renowned as one of the best doctors in Teyvat, despite his... attitude. Now obviously you could never dream of affording the money to see him but, it just so happens he hears of your case and takes an interest in you... Now, he never expected to get attached to anyone, much less his patient but, it seems that history repeats itself... (unethical doctor part 2)

Happy and healthy reader... and having an instant connection with Zandik!! Oh my gosh yes. Zandik would be the most confused and annoyed because he had never felt a connection with anyone his whole life, he's always been the one by himself. He tries to ignore it, ignore the building feeling in his chest, but as fate would have it, he finds himself bumping into you far more frequently than he'd like. You've had enough of his pretty man constantly invading your mind, so you approach him one day and it all begins from there. (I imagine if he ever dreamed of his past life with you, it'd teach him not to take you for granted. Especially if it was after a fight with you or something.)

I imagine Omega didn't regret his actions, but he still deeply lamented his relationship with you - he missed whenever you'd barge in and lavish him with your affection, how you'd freely rant to him, how you loved him. All were replaced with stone coldness. But perhaps, this is the price of selfishness, one that he had to pay.

😭😭 Segments pranking you... they feel quite guilty but at the same time, it's really nice to think you care about them so much.

[defhope]

short uni kuroo/3rd year kenma to celebrate kuroos bday!!!

!! – english is Not my first language, so i apologize for the mistakes!! and it gets a little heated in the end (no smut tho)

kuroo and kenma were inseparable. since they were kids, they would always find a way to see and be with each other.

but, as always, growing up had other plans.

it was tetsurou's first year in uni and, to say less, he wasn't very present in kenmas life anymore. – i mean, of course, he kept sending messages and calling every night, but he wasn't there. and that was enough to make kenma feel a little.. uneasy.

he never realized how much he enjoyed physical touch, especially kuroos. yes, he would hug other friends sometimes, but it wasn't the same.

it was particularly a hard day today, being the third day of the training camp without kuroo. besides, kenma hasn't seen him in four months and a half, both being just too busy. so being somewhere he associated with kuroo was just harder.

at the very least, he saved one (or five) of kuroo shirts to use, and, if you squint, it still smelled like tetsurou.

kenma brought the shirt collar to his nose and sniffled before going out of the room – he was the last one, he would never ever do that somewhere where tora could see and make fun of him for being so in love with his best friend (for the record: he wasn't, he just really liked his smell and missed his touches and missed seeing him and running his fingers through his hair and-).

the day went fast, nekoma won almost all the games – of course karasuno would make an insane twist, they have main character energy after all

also, shouyo was way better than the year prior.

kenma, yamaguchi, kageyama and hinata were chilling on the side of the court. kenma showing a video to kageyama because of course he, shouyo and tadashi were making niche brainrot jokes without realizing.

kozume heard tsukishima laugh a little and looked up to him, turning to the door in the exact moment that kuroo entered the court.

tsukishima didnt even placed his glasses correctly before being attacked by a big hug from tetsurou. yamaguchi shook his hand, kageyama just waved and hinata also hugged.

kenma was standing and waiting, almost in disbelief that kuroo was there. his kuro, right there. after four months and a half.

when their eyes finally met, kenma could pass out. he missed his best friend. he almost felt like falling but kuroo was there to catch him in a big hug.

yes, he wanted act unbothered and annoyed but he just couldn't

he hugged back and took a deep breath, enjoying everything about the contact.

"hey, kitten", said kuroo. "missed you".

"missed you too", kenma managed, sounding muffled for being burried in kuroos hoodie.

"i can tell. is that my shirt?", kenma just nodded. "you look so pretty in it"

kenma looked up, his chin on kuroos chest. they were just enjoying each other before-

"BRO?!" bokuto screamed and kuroo looked away from kenma, the last actually considered killing the owl look-alike for being in the way of their moment.

the dumb and dumber started screaming-talking to each other because why wouldn't their visits coincide.

it was just a few moments later, after a little scolding and a lot of cleaning, that kenma went to the locker room after everyone had already left.

well, everyone except kuroo.

kenma was getting his clean clothes when tetsurou hugged him from behind, burying his nose in kenmas neck.

"kuro, i'm pretty sute that im not smelling very nice right now.".

"i don't care, i missed you.".

kenma faked a disappointed sigh before turning and hugging kuroo back.

"you're such a clingy cat, you know that?", kenma teased.

"am not. seeing you in my shirt after so much time just did that to me.".

"be honest with yourself, you would've glued on me even if i was wearing rotten meat.".

silence for some seconds before kuroo grunting, trying to disentangle from kenma, who laughed and held tighter, not letting kuroo go.

"i missed you so much." he let out, not really thinking.

"i missed you too". kuroo said and looked at kenma.

once again, the moment seemed to go in slow motion. they were looking at each other, so close that their breaths were ghosting each others face. it just seemed right, so kenma gave kuroo a little peck on the lips. it lingered for some seconds before he pulled away, opening his eyes to see if kuroo was uncomfortable but then he was hit by an actual kiss.

it started slow, just lips moving together. then, kenma gave an unconscious but needed lick between testsurous lips, the kiss deepening immediately.

they broke the contact when kenmas back hit the locker.

"shit- sorry." kuroo apologized. "i'm so sorry kenma-"

"i really hope you're apologizing for stopping."

"y-you want to keep going?"

"kinda", kenma shrugged. "you don't..?"

"i do!" he answered pathetically fast, cleaning his throat before saying "i do, yes." more calmer.

"then kiss me.".

kuroo always obeyed kenma, so he didn't even had to ask twice before tetsurou kissed him once again.

"neck hurts", kenma muttered.

kuroo only hummed before grabbing the back of kenmas thighs and manhandle him up.

the kiss got heated after that, both unconsciously seeking friction.

"i missed you so much", kenma pulled away to say, leaving little kisses all over kuroos face.

tetsurou laughed shyly and gave a little squeeze in kenmas thigh, pressing their bodys even closer. "i missed you too, kitten."

"is this a bad moment to say that i think i'm in love with you?" kenma asked and kuroo shook his head no.

"i think i am, too."

then they kissed again.

and again.

and again.

until kenmas phone started ringing and they heard shouyos voice outside saying something like "i guess they got lost" and tobios voice saying that it was impossible and a fight starting.

kuroo let go of kenma and gave him one last peck. "i think thats our cue".

being away from kuroo was bad, but if that meant a good makeout sesh, then let another four months and a half be.

[jermagaunt]

Rant time. I played a game of 40k the other day (with a weak list that I was playing for fun so wasn't expecting to win and I got paired up against a tournament player, I stood my own and only lost by 10 points which I'm pretty proud of but that's not the point of this rant) and the game was basically decided after turn one due to some abysmal rolling on my part. On turn one I exposed one of my tanks to shoot one of his tanks. 2+ hits rerolling misses and I still miss with half my shots and only end up wounding the tank twice and it passes one 6+ save. 1D6 of the potential 8D6 + 2 damage I put in went through and I dealt a single damage to the tank I think. One to his turn, that tank moves away and his land raider is in line to shoot me, I knew this would happen so I saved my command points for smoke and armour of contempt. 4 lascannons with sustained hits shoot me on a 4+, he rolls 2 sixes and one hit. Out of the 4 50/50 shots, 5 hit me. 3 of them wound me and I fail all my 4+ saves to take 15 damage and die. After the battle he asked why I decided to do that because it was obviously not going to work and I should have kept my tanks back to not lose them so early. My tank had 3 multi meltas so had to get close to actually deal damage and I ended up mathhammering the situation afterwards... In the specific situation I had a 35% chance (closer to 50% if he hadn't used a fnp stratagem that I didn't know he had) to take out his one dangerous unit to my army (the landraider was anti tank and didnt threaten the rest of my army) and he had a 7% chance to kill my tank. The reason I'm salty is because he said it like it was such a sure thing that it was a terrible idea that wouldn't have worked when the alternative was to just let his long range tanks control the battlefield while I sat back and did nothing with my close quarters tank. For further context I was playing a firestorm list at a casual Warhammer club just to try out my flamer marines and the close range gladiator variant for funsies. He did, after berating my army and saying that was a terrible first turn move, ask how many gams I played and then said I did really well for having played less than 10 games and I didn't make it easy for him even while on the back foot from turn one. English also wasn't his first language so the apparent rudeness could have been a language or culture barrier issue but the main thing I got annoyed about was being told putting my tank in a spot where it has a 7% chance of dying and a very high change of at least half killing his anti infantry tank was a terrible move because I rolled 3 ones in a row and he made all his saves. Rant over

[mattphobiia]

OPPOSITES ATTRACT 3.

we all finally got back to our dormitories, nick still being asleep in own his bed before i hoisted up an unconscious chris onto his own bed since matt just dumped him with me since he needed the bathroom. he had passed out in the car so we both had to carry him up the three flights of stairs in this university and we both nearly dropped him a couple times. once i finally got him into his bed, chris began to murmur in his sleep as he sleepily wrapped his arms around me tightly before snuggling into me. absolutely not. what the fuck is going on? i tried to shake him awake but it was practically useless since he was a deep sleeper. i groan in annoyance before i began to call for matt, but he never responded. fuck! i slowly positioned myself into a comfortable spot before actually laying down next to him. i would never thought that chris would be hugging me in his sleep but whatever, he would just try to gaslight me into thinking it never even happened so why should i care? this felt so weird though and i didnt know if i should just attempt to wake him again or just let him sleep; he did look a lot less annoying when he was asleep.

i felt a sudden movement when i opened my eyes, still being in chris' arms while he was fully awake scrolling on his phone mindlessly, his free hand sliding up and down my waist.

"are we going to talk about what happened last night?" i say, positioning myself to face in his direction as he jumped back and tried to hide a smirk.

he places his phone down beside him before huffing in response, wrapping his arms around me again as his head rested against the top of my shoulder.

"i think you should just go back to sleep." he whispered, giving a small kiss to my neck as he flopped back down onto the bed which brought me with him.

"chris!" i groan, trying to escape his tight grasp but he definitely had a lot more upper body strength than me.

"stop being annoying." he whines, forcing me back down with his arm before locking me in place.

"what is wrong with you?" i laugh, trying to lift myself as i felt more pressure from above which made me laugh harder.

"something about you is different." he mumbles while laying his head onto my chest as he places my hand on his head to stroke his hair.

"what do you mean? chris, are you like actually okay because this is definitely not you. are you a clone or something?"

"what? no!"

"then-"

suddenly, the door flies open as matt and nick enter loudly before stopping in utter confusion. my head bolted upwards when i realise they were here, and it felt like my heart dropped down to my ass. oh my fucking god, this was not real. this was not real.

"chris! what is going on?" nick shouts before getting stopped with a pillow thrown at him, which made matt burst out into hysterical laughter. "what the fuck!"

"shut your loud ass up, im hungover."

"so you have to cling onto her like a little baby?" matt mimicked, making us all but chris laugh before chris groans into my chest.

"jealous?" chris responds.

"as if, we do this on the daily basis." matt smirks at me before we laughed harder as i felt chris tense up in anger on top of me.

"alright guys, you've had your fun, now please get out." i continue, both brothers rolling their eyes annoyed before my focus was back onto chris and our conversation.

"like i was saying, why are you suddenly acting like this?"

"you smell nice." he says, trying to change the topic as i grab his face and make him look towards me.

"chris, i swear-"

"okay! i- when i kissed you, it felt really good." he sighs, dropping his head back down onto me in embarrassment as i felt my face burn a bright shade of red.

"what?"

"you heard me."

"i think you were just drunk, there is nothing between us." i say, as chris looks up at me with a death stare. did i seriously say something wrong? we aren't even dating!

"don't fucking speak, i know what i felt and it wasn't the goddamn alcohol!" he says, his eyes beginning to fill with tears and he rests his head back down.

"look... i didn't mean it like that. you've just hated me ever since i became friends with matt and i never knew why! what's with the sudden change?" i question as i stroke his head slowly as i felt his tears dampen my clothes.

he stays silent for a moment before going to speak, but nothing comes out and silence filled the room along with the awkwardness.

"god, i don't even know." he chokes out as his voice breaks and i begin to feel my heart sink before i lift his face up, cupping his cheek in my hand. why was i feeling like this?

"well, you don't need to feel ashamed. i guess i can find a way to be friends with your annoying ass." i say, both of us beginning to laugh as chris shuffles up closer towards me, wiping away his tears before placing his hand around my waist.

MASTERLIST / P1 , P2 , P4

a/n: i hate work and i hate this part sm but posting on here is the only thing keeping me motivated rn🤞 working super hard on part 4!! also making a taglist for fanfics, and other posts so comment if you want to be apart of it:) love u alllll❕

tl: @st7rnioioss

[angstics]

a long introspective post because i know with time i will forget this and i want to remember it all.

night of june 30th, technoblade's death was announced. i didnt believe it for a few minutes because i couldnt watch the video (i still havent). but it was true -- he passed away age 23 from cancer he discovered *less than a year* before his death. i keep quiet about how much i liked minecraft youtubers 2020 - 2021 because that turned out to be a DISASTER. but technoblade was one of the shining beacons. genuinely always the best, completely outside of post-death rose-tinted glasses. always.

before that, i was kind of getting into my chemical romance. id known of them my whole life. from dan and phil references to annoying ass g-note jokes to the twenty one pilot's cancer cover. i heard the Big Three hits but couldnt tell you what they were (except for "welcome") before listening to three cheers for the first time at the end of june. i dont know why i decided to start them. i wasnt really into music -- my top albums the last couple years included burnham's inside, starkid's twisted, and falsettos (2016). i wish i remembered better. if listening to them for the first time isnt a core memory, this is:

after 6 months of relative stability, i understandably hit a depressive episode in july. i would lie on my couch into the early morning for no reason. i wasnt trying to distract myself from his death ... there were no thoughts to be distracted from. it isnt a headspace i understand, especially since i never left it.

but for another unknown reason i thought to watch those mcr live shows. mind, at this point id only listened to three cheers. no exaggeration, i was betwitched by their performance. i most vibrantly remember gerard's eyes. crazy fucking eyes.

i'd forgotten cancer was an mcr song. when top released their cover, i listened to the original. i decided i liked twenty one pilots' more. i switched on that when i saw my chem on snl (i didnt watch BPID all the way through til a week later). it's the stripped down song, it's the direct lyrics, it's the crazy eyes. like he's trying to communicate EVERYTHING through his eyes.

the intro to BPID was like that too. when he ripped the hospital dress off and did the ghoul scream. had that feeling when i saw frank perform vampire money in glasgow. just. completely uninhibited. performace to say something truthful. unlike anything ive ever seen. from someone who wasnt very into music or live performance or theatre, much less the mechanics of it, i suddenly understood it all.

that screenshot is an abridged version of my actual search history. this is how it went.

june 26 i watched ->

side bar, thinking about it now, my interest in pink floyd directly lead to my interest in mcr. early morning july 1st, this is what i was watching (alan parsons project great reccomendation from my friend bink bonk):

july 2 i was watching videos a friend of techno's publicized to commerate him. the mcr video was in the reccomended tag -- a combo of the live pink floyd video and the im not okay mv. crazy how influenced my life is by where youtube leads me.

then i saw a LITTLE bit of BPID before seeing my chem in 2022 for the first time. this was just weeks after bonn. i didnt watch the full eden either. but i did watch all of "welcome" at milton keynes, based on the time stamps

this whole fucking day spent watching mcr videos. reading 2011, zack sang clip frank iero explains reading 2011 drama, mcr iceberg explained, "mcr best perfomance", "mcr best moments", mcr on letterman, mcr snl, "understanding the black parade" (i had not listened to black parade) -- then i left at 4pm. probably to sleep.

july 2nd was The day. i remember while watching these videos a realization hugging me. i knew that i was struck. from july until november, the majority of my conversations had something to do with my chem.

at the very beginning, i texted people about them to gage modern attitudes. growing up, they were adjacent to bands i thought sold out or lost their spark -- panic!, twenty one pilot, fall out boy. as ive said a million times, there is a Reason i didnt get into my chem earlier. just the other day on a SPECIFICALLY EMO SUBREDDIT there were people talking about how they "weren't ashamed to like mcr". where does this shame come from!!!!!! too mainstream for punk, too punk for mainstream. everyone knows this.

well anyway, july 2nd was just the first layer: the performance. july 11 (/early july 12) was another big day. the second layer: gender and sexuality. literally my tags on the first mcr post i reblogged ->

then i saw the great collection by flockofdoves and. well.

same day i found out about "i wanna be your joey ramone" and sleater-kinney, though i wouldnt listen to the song for a short while. that's layer 4: branching out to other music.

layer 3 was music appreciation. i listened to each of their albums in full sequentionally (KIND OF since i relistened to bullets 3 times were i only listened to the others in full 2 times max), purposuefully holding off for weeks between each album. i remember the first time i sat down to listen to black parade. i was buzzing at like 12:30 am because id decided that was the night. the end -> dead rocked my whole world. never got the instinct to bang your head around til those songs. the whole album was fucking amazing but something aboout famous last words got to me. id be sitting in the car with my sister and singing the bridge over and over. the perfect string of words -- with words i thought id never speak: awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.

i used to hate live performances because the music sounded worse than the studio version while giving me nothing performance-wise. id never wanted to go to a concert in my life. but not only did they sound GOOD live, it was a whole different experience. an adaptation that added to the experience in ways entirely different to what is lost. like i said, crazy eyes. and smiles like flowers and the audience louder than the amps and movement led by sound and memory. like. like nothing else. you cant understand this unless youre in love -- completely dedicated to it.

sometime in august i discovered they were coming to my town the next month. the first concert i ever wanted to go to. my parents were a nightmare about it the whole month until i got the permission to go. ive said also said this a million times: it was like rapture.

i dont understand why you would want to do anything that doesnt work towards that same feeling. my parents didnt get that feeling and i couldnt go to another show. it's been months and it still drives me insane. it drives me fucking insane. it drives me insane.

so those are the core memories related to my chem that got me here. it's a lot of love. love so big i cant even hold. it's belief. something close to religious. it's a lot of fear too -- fear the feeling will go away, that i'll "wake up", fear that they'll be taken. one reason i dont like music is the feelings i attach to it are so profound that i cant listen to it without feeling what i felt in the past. it's why i limit how much i listen to my chem. that's another fear -- though i attach positive feelings to the band, im engaging in it while depressed. more than engaging, obsessing. i cant focus on much else.

i hope as i get better mentally, this doesnt leave me. i got into it to cope. it showed me another dimension of art and life and emotion. it's a hard thing to navigate. i want the good, healthy parts of this to be my life. i hope i can figure that out. i hope it works out.

july 26 2020, i looked this up:

i have no memory of this at all.

the night before, i was on a technoblade binge that ended with me watching one of his seminal videos that i remember beat for beat.

i love technoblade forever. i cant watch his videos right now, but i hope i can someday. i love my chem forever. i hope-

[spikeinthepunch]

talking further in therapy etc about dyscalculia has been interesting- basically realizing more and more what things are hard to do because of it. people want to assume on the surface that its just "math hard" but its not-- if you have ever read a bit more about dyslexia then you would know its more than just struggling to read or spell, right?

dyscalculia is just like that but its less spoken of. numbers look like nonsense symbols i dont think of as nuimeric values, 'mistakes' in easy math like subtraction/addition/etc (or just straight up not processing/solving them), able to grasp math in concept but not able to actually apply the theory, the inability of remembering any formulas, and even poor name and face retrieval.

its interesting when i add those up to various things in my life i never recognized as one of the symptoms. and i think whats extra important is reading the symptoms as "the inability to [thing]". its not like.. oh i can do some math, i cant remember every fomula but i can do some. its like, i literally cannot at all, and this was blatantly clear when i did the testing. just passed over many things bc i couldnt solve it.

didnt mean to write the above so long but what i was going to get to-- i thought a lot about the stuff i struggled to stick with hobby wise in the past. stuff i never caught on to and always felt like it was hard to do for some reason. a lot of it relates to this overall learning disorder, because of reading and listening comprehension. but something i learned that is hard to learn because of dyscalculia is... music. at first glance you wouldnt think about it, unless you have learned a lot of music. but math to some extent is used- in general... numbers are used. thats the thing. most people would think its silly that numbers alone would make it hard to learn but it really clears up my struggle with music.

and THAT is annoying as hell. i sat around for so long wondering why i just couldnt grasp it. complained to my dad who said all kinds of things about how i could learn w/o reading music, or i could learn by ear. but even that doesnt work- i still need to apply numbers to chords and even without sheet music. i struggle to listen by ear because well, listen comp is bad. i have made music, if you have followed me for a while. i have. but oof, if you knew my process you would see how my issues reflect it. i would bring up a key, like D, and pull out a screen shot of all the chords for that key. and then i would just... put notes on the piano roll. but hell if i knew the chords, remembered them, or even work on the music without that picture. i hardly remembered the key i was using the moment i looked away and i have no clue what scale i used if i open up an old song, cant identify it. i just kinda move notes around while staring at a picture.

and yeah, it works. kind of. but the workflow is hell, and the fact is that if i wanted to learn how to do it better, this whole... math disorder, actually makes it harder. you just wouldnt think about it!! i really didnt.

today in therapy discussing those learning issues, the one thing my therapist brought up was how its not uncommon for artists to have learning disabilities or more specifically, dyscalculia actually. art has nothing to do with any of my issues. no reading, no listening, no math. i self taught myself that, and continue to self teach myself, because its the one thing i could learn without any barriers. still, my issues would reflect whenever i did try to take classes- id get annoyed and not take in information, and id just go back to doing it alone.

it sure is weird, and neat, seeing puzzle pieces come together in some way. lots of "oh, thats why!" lately. understanding it is one key though, the other is now trying to solve it completly.

[unreliable-narratoe]

@lancabbage

> And your whole argument is fundamentally flawed for the simple reasons WWX did follow JCs orders as much as he followed JFMs. There's no difference...

You said respect had to be earned ergo, implying WWX didnt respect JC. We agree there. WWX respected JFM though. And while I agree he didn't follow every order of JFM'S, are you going to tell me that he treated JC's reputation with the same weight?

He didn't respect JC all that much, and I don't care if he didn't because that's been their dynamic. WWX was treated like another member of gentry/family by JFM, JC and JYL at the jiangs, and by larger cultivation society until the YLLZ Era after saving wen remnants where people called him audacious and the classism kicked in (he's in the list of most eligible young masters and placed number 4, everybody more or less knows his name in passing etc etc). I don't think JC suddenly expects WWX to bow down to him either. But in that society it's very important to at least put on airs in public.

WWX was disrespectful at multiple points. Not just to JC jn public (in private it's completely alright) but to other people too. What reason was there for WWX to snap at JZX for asking about JYL? Even if they have issues with each other, this isn't modern society. We know JC doesn't like JZX much either, as a fact because he was about to punch JZX at cloud recesses too before WWX beat him to it, but they have to be respectful to the jin leader's son. This isn't about childhood brawls anymore. We know it was because WWX was having a rough time (even LWJ remarks he was never this brash before iirc?), was dealing with not having his own core etc etc, but JC literally does not know this. Because wwx didnt tell him.

> He allowed JC to use him as a tool, he was "showing off" at the Phoenix mountain night-hunt because JC wanted him to - he told him to do that because they were recruiting new disciples... As the whole event was meant to be. WWX was doing as he was told. Yes, JC has a go at him for not using his sword (because petty JC got his feelings hurt and was annoyed at WWX... Prior to that, he literally didn't give a fuck... Strange that 🤔)

Uhhh, you seem to be hyperfocusing on the one line that said WWX didnt follow JC's orders? It's immediately followed up by the implications that what JC cared about was not that WWX didnt follow his orders, but that his reasons sounded flimsy, and sometimes there weren't any. The entire post is about miscommunication from both ends and not WWX being in some eternal servitude limbo? Let's look at the 'orders' you spoke of.

1. 'Ordering' WWX to show off at the banquet. Why are you framing JC potentially asking WWX to behave to recruit disciples as only JC's problem, and in your own words, using WWX like a 'tool'? Was WWX using LWJ as a 'tool' who'd provide him with money? Love isn't about transactions. WWX is also a member of the jiang sect. Asking him to be a show off (I don't remember this part from the novel, but even if it happened), is not an order. WWX is their strongest guy+ head disciple at the moment. It's a mutual tacit agreement WWX has to show off, because he cares about the jiang sect too? He literally calls them 'his family' with LWJ in the Gate crasher extras?

2. Ordering WWX to wear a sword. Now this is better interpreted as an order. Now, NMJ's own brother isn't wearing one, but NMJ's brother isn't the one with great martial progress with the sword. Fairness aside, even if it's annoying, it's just something you do to appease the elders. Why would JC be petty about NMJ calling WWX out about the sword? JC was embarrassed and annoyed, and nagged WWX to wear the sword. WWX did not carry the sword still.

Again, the actual point of the post that seems to have gone over your head: WWX had actual reasons why didn't carry thr sword around anymore. It could be because he doesn't want to be reminded of not being able to wield a spiritual sword, or it could be because if theres a duel, people would expect him to use the sword, which he can't because of his golden core situation. JC doesn't know about WWX's golden core situation. To an outsider/ JC WWX simply didn't care enough to carry a sword around despite having been called out on it once. To an outsider WWX is disrespectful. He is being purposefully difficult and can't budge on even such a small thing. Now, we know the reason, but they don't. It's whatever if the common public thinks he's arrogant, but you can't snub someone who is close to you and always around (someone calls wwx jc's left AND right hand) without an explanation. And you said it yourself: WWX was supposed to show off. You said WWX was committed to it too, so by that logic anything disrespectful he does is even more scrutinized and in the public. Ergo, he didn't do his job showing off right.

>WWX literally made himself insanely powerful FOR the Jiang clan, to extract their rightful revenge and restore their honour by doing so. He was helping JC ensure he got that revenge, otherwise JC would be disgraced.

He wasn't just ensuring JC got revenge because he would be disgraced, he was doing it because he cared about getting them revenge too. Your phrasing is off and makes it sound like WWX wouldn't have taken revenge if not for JC. I'm not going to be choking someone on a table leg like it's a dick for torture if I wasn't somewhat mad at the person myself as well. That would be psychotic and I think WWX is better than that.

> WWX never went against JCs orders unless it went directly against what was right or his own moral code. JC ordering WWX to abandon the innocent Wen remnants (who JC owed a life debt towards for the fact he is even alive, has Zidian to prance about with and his parents ashes), but WWX refused because it was morally wrong and dishonourable NOT to pay the life debt JC owed them.

Now the wen remnants: what life debt that excuses risking his whole clan and WWX does JC owe WN and co from his pov? For all he knows WN was with the brigade that offed the rest of his sect, took pity on him because WN liked WWX, and let him go. For all he knows WN was around when he lost his core while WN's family took his core a paper door away. Is he supposed to be grateful the wen (because thats what WN is to him) kept only his life and helped retrieve the ashes the wen family are the reason for? Honor, debt, family are very important in their culture. To him it could even mean WN and WQ personally and he are even, because their family killed his and they saved his life.

He was also unconscious throughout the three days of their stay, so he hasnt cultivated the same relationship with them WWX has. Line by line from the novel if you want:

The major life debt would technically be for the core transfer (even if no one asked JC if he wanted one...), towards WWX, WN and WQ that WWX hid from him.

You are right about WWX being a good man for helping the weak and downtrodden. But that is literally not the point of the post, you argued about nothing.

The point of the post was that JC didn't know. Read the stuff in blue. JC didn't know because WWX didnt tell him. You hear it from the man himself, because you seem intent on quoting JC a lot with the 'women, children, weak and elderly' comment,(a jibe against a-yuan and granny) so why dont you pay attention when he repeatedly says "why didn't you TELL me wei wuxian?"

Now, maybe his actions wouldn't have been too different even if he had known. He'd have more sympathy but ultimately he could choose self preservation. But he could have worked with the knowledge that wei wuxian was paying off a debt he incurred because of Jiang Cheng (even if literally nobody asked him if he wanted a core transfer btw)

And you literally cannot bash a character for being ungrateful about something they had no idea about like it's an objective fact.

>So, sorry WWX didn't blindly follow JCs orders and leave a bunch of defenceless people consisting of the weak, the old and a fucking toddler. What a bad, bad man. Tut tut tut. 😂

Why are you making it seem like OP dissed WWX.... The post was about miscommunications. WWX is an interesting character and interesting characters miscommunicate. Unless you think he doesn't, which is kind of weird because it happened throughout the novel with LWJ, one of the main focuses.

Tldr: you hyperfocused on the 'order' part of the post and not the miscommunication point. And even your order arguments are in bad faith.

I have seen a lot of people that make out Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng's problems to just be Jiang Cheng's fault, but truthfully they were equally at fault.

Yes, Jiang Cheng is quick to anger and extremely jealous of Wei Wuxian so he tries to hurt Wei Wuxian in order to "bring him down to his level" so to speak (i.e. finding faults in Wei Wuxian so that he isn't always better than him).

It's also true, though, that Wei Wuxian did not respect Jiang Cheng as a leader. He never followed Jiang Cheng's orders and never gave him an explanation as to why he wasn't following his orders. He believed he should shoulder every burden alone without stopping to ask whether it was something he even needed to bear. And even though that might stem from how he was treated by Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu and being taught that he was essentially a shield it also means that he didn't trust Jiang Cheng to share burdens with him even though Jiang Cheng was supposed to be his leader.

Because Wei Wuxian would never explain himself to Jiang Cheng, Jiang Cheng would have to come up with his own reasons that he wouldn't be obeyed which would generally be self-deprecating but also paint Wei Wuxian in a bad light making the rift between them even bigger.

If there relationship was ever going to improve, it would have needed a lot of work from both of them so people should stop blaming everything on Jiang Cheng because Wei Wuxian has faults as well even if it seems people won't address them sometimes.

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

Imagine this:

Chernabog!Yuu with Grim as the monster but since Yuu isnt technically twisted from anything, they would not need to depend on Grim to overblot for them to then overblot? They themselves don't get giant because they are human but they can float in such a creepy way like those ghosts on bald mountain and I can imagine they have ink all over their body plus ink dripping on the floor since they dont have a magicstone to hold/control it so it just flows everywhere. This can be an advantage to everyone else since it can affect their eyesight etc. Since Yuu doesn't have powers and in such an extreme position, I feel like they wouldn't be able to have a conscience and wouldn't be able to speak but they would use body language to show that the blot hurts and is causing them migraines or something. Plus,they have a box(inspired by the Pandora's box since it contains evil) to contain the actual Chernabog power but instead of curiosity,they use it to attack them.

Instead of Yuu suddenly lashing out, they kind of slowly get into the overblot. Like how Grim might do it Like they slowly start to act a bit more strangely. More distant, actually feeling unwell due to the manifesting ink and snappier at wither big or small issues. I can imagine the first years getting worried about their behaviour because they think it will go away soon or they don't think a magicless person can actually overblot.I can imagine reader AND Grim having this problem.

But when they overblot, the are dull and have excessive anger at the same time which shocks everyone since they are normally the voice of reason and a lot calmer than even most of the calmer students .They are angry due to the blot,power of evil from the box and at their situation.If you havent seen Night of Bald mountain, this may not make sense but I can imagine Yuu also dancing with Skeletons and ghosts of Ramshackle in a creepy way(their blot influencing them since they dont have a soul/nature) as the ghosts go march around Ramshackle destroying all the mirrors since Yuu has grown paranoid to mirrors due to Mickeys encounter and the dark mirror/basically their history of mirrors arent really the best.

Basically the aim to get Yuu to stop overblotting is to get the box from them and put it back to original place(probably found in the mines) and to calm them down.In the end Grim stops overblotting and joins to fight against Yuu getting them more angry but they have the box taken away from them which makes them a lot easier to beat and they end up stopping the overblot but they pass out due to the blot, ink and magic corrupting them and since they are magicless humans, their body wasn't designed to hold immense power. They reach a coma like state for like 3 days as Grim + person of your choice visit them since Yuu helped them and now they feel like this is how it could be paid back, by actually giving a damn.

I can imagine this being the reason why they have to delay going home(Not like Crowley started 🙄) but also the reason why they start to get less annoyed and the dorm leaders/Jamil would probably have more of soft spot because they both seen each other overblot and know each others problems etc.

I noticed this was very long but I guess I have a big imagination. Hopefully I didnt waster your time and this was actually a good read.😊

I don't know much of chernabog as my family didn't want to show my black sibs some of the racist stuff and makes them feel bad so i don't have much to add about chernabog.

This is indeed a really good read though!

[missmonkeymode]

I finished the game :) insane ramblings under the cut

Of course, im not finished finished, i didnt finish the communist route (purely on accident, i got swept up in the plot) nor have i did the "evil fucked up" run of the game where i choose the options that i hate the most, and something tells me theres a better ending i can get (and maybe a secret ending (GOD i hope theres a secret ending)), and next run i want to try and get kim really upset with me because I ended this game with about a 28 in good cop/bad cop which i found out correlates with how much kim trusts you amd frankly i wasnt even TRYING all that hard since i think i gained all these points from constantly asking kim "hey what do you think", and I havent even exhausted all the quests! I have to finish cunos whole falo situation bc i thought it was dumb as hell and didnt pursue it, and I want to commission the dice maker for all of her dice, and thats ofc ignoring the handful of red checks i failed and didnt save scum for, thank god that i saved saved a handful of times before big events so i can jump around to experience everything, and oh my god the achievements i need to get all the achievements! Thankfully i did the phasmoid quest (THE FUCKING PHASMOID QUEST) and the church disco place quest (i have a white roll there i need to pass) but beyond that I dont know what else to do in this main save. I definitely want to explore the subcategories of cop (esp superstar) and actually have them bear fruit (i got sorry cop and discarded the thought bc i didnt know what it meant), and i have NO idea what honor measures (ill figure it out), and GODDDDD it KILLED me to have that low of a score in intellect itbmade me so upset man, next game im absolutely going to play a high int low psyche build because i NEED to know how harry acts when hes smart. AND I PLAYED THE GAME FULLY SOBER im gonna be honest i was tempted to use speed (is it speed that enhances int?) so i could get that boost but i decided "nah i can save scum and wear shit" (i never did properly wear everything I gained in that game....) AND OH MY GOD WAIT THERES A HARDCORE MODE?!?!? Ive GOT to play that (dont expect me to liveblog it though, ill probably just go crazy quietly) though ig now im much less adverse to looking things up since, well, i finished the game and all. Hard mode, mama mia theres a hardmode!!!! Ill probably wait a few days to play that, since i finished it hut yeah!

Final thoughts:

I got a good grade in being kims friend (recruited him into 41 AND got the bff achievement). I really liked his character, hes a very good foil to the player (and hard for me to hate). Very well crafted, i see why people blorboify him. Not a character complaint, but i wish he would open up to harry more, i wanna learn who he is better! Or well i dont wanna see him so closed off all the time. Im really happy how I was able to save him from being shot, i would've felt like shit if i failed that roll.

Harry is a really fascinating character for me. Hes very customizable, where his traits are mutable and ever shifting, but at the same time he has such a distinct voice that its hard to divorce him from. Hes very disco (in a metaphorical way, not a literal), bright and loud and annoying and endearing and dumb and silly and serious and brooding and so full of life but yet so dull and empty and just. Wow. (he passes out over a memory of his ex for SIX YEARS who DOES THAT?!?!? He (hypothetically) says that the corpse was hard when he died and he was RIGHT, he walks up to a random woman and says "your husband could be dead" and hes was RIGHT, THE PHASMIDS GOD DAMNIT THE PHASMIDS!!!!! He had a bisexual awakening and the game just moves on, no real dwelling on it! And the church, and the murals, and god!!!!!!) He really is a character of all time! So very consistent and yet everything is so customizable, though thats probably because of the medium of the game

Fuck dude. Cuno. Cunos sooo goddamn funny. "Cuno doesnt fucking care" sooo true cuno. I wish you were a major character youre too funny.

Everything surprisingly fit together in a way that i didnt expected. The cover up, the scab plant (i KNEW he was a plant by wild pines, I knew it the moment I found out his clothes didnt fit), ruby and klassje (spelles her name wrong (also fuck dude. Shes so girlboss)), the may bells, rene dying (poor soul. I may have disagreed with his politics (heavily disagree), but i really did like him), everything is tied together in a neat bow. I wish the sniper was foreshadowed a bit more though, somehow in a vague way. It was slightly unsatisfying how his existence just cropped up in the second half of the game, though i do think the game wrapped up nicely. My ttrpg friend always says "the murderer in a game must have the messiet murder ever, because your pcs arent going to pick up on it if it was clean", and although i dont fully agree with this, i do think his whole murder was a bit too clean for me.

I love how a lot of the npcs seemed to be just be harry refracted. The old resistance man being a commie (like harry was in my game, idk if that changes with time or not) and so hung up and obsessed with this woman, the drunkards showing what harry couldve been, tommy showing a life harry couldve lived, titus is harry if he leaned more into authority but on a smaller scale ("a natural leader, he would be a perfect cop" as the line goes), everat (spelled his name wrong (like i care. I hate him)) with his fast wits and quick talking charm that harry uses, ruby mirroring Harry's depression and suicidal ideation, and GOD everything seems to spiral out from harry, reflecting every choice that the player can make. Theyre all just like him, theyre designed to be just like him, they ARE him just a little to the left, no it must be him to the right, no its him upside down, or, no, its just him. This whole tangent feeds back to my harry ramble of being well written despite having a billion dialogue trees sprouting from him.

I really liked the rolling system. Passive checks, active rolls decided by chance, level up system rewarding you for learning and looking and prying (the human can opener mustnt get rusty), the thoughts and the stats, red and white checks, it is the bridge between ttrpg and video games (not even a bridge, a stepping stone. A fallen down log that you nervously walk onto. A small island in the middle of the lake that you have to run and jump to get to). I wish i could get the game rules the devs based the game off of. Im itching to see how much was fenangled and tweaked for a video game.

I like the worldbuilding. At times it feels a bit confusing (had to look up a few terms) but u really do like how its set in a fictional world instead of this real one. I think it wouldve hampered the story if it was set in the real world, with real world politics. The bits and pieces we get is plenty enough to construct the world and situation of jamrock. I do wonder if theres a diagetic book that i can read about the history of the area, i wouldve loved to read it.

Slight note, my game was a bit buggy at times. Nothing fully immersion breaking, just a few snippets that kinda took me out of the world. Like for example, the lighting physics are a bit janky, and sometimes the games hitboxes are a bit too small for me to click without relying on tab. The biggest thing i noticed is the transition from cloudy to sun, morning to afternoon, and afternoon to nighttime outside was the biggest thing vis a vie light physics. Once i softlocked my game by saving while entering a door, causing the exit to not register as an exit. Tis a shame

I am satisfied with the game i played. I paid 10ish dollars for it, and honestly id say its worth the baseprice value of 40 dollars. I dont really say "hey this is worth full price" to a lot of things (probably an indicator of my boarding between bad and mediocre tastes in media (not a disney fan, more of a "i love games that have jank from the 2000's with one big plothole" way)), but with confidence i can say this game is worth it. Every penny

Also all the woman in this game are fucking hot send tweet

Finally getting around to playing disco elysium

[absolutelyfizzing]

little dove

loki x reader

description - Loki acted so caring around you, more so than anyone else in his life. He loved to take care of you, especially when you had a long day, and he got teased by some of the team for it.

warnings - fem reader, cute loki and pet names, implications of gender fluid loki?, reader gets picked up, slight implications of a nsfw theme the night before

word count - 1900

A/N - this is a pretty plotless blurb but i just love this man, i have been obsessed with the new series and just wanted to write anything about him. i will inevitably be writing for him more so please end me now. there are no spoilers for the new series and it takes place in an AU after new york but pretty much otherwise out of timeline. all the avengers live at the compound together, endgame didnt happen and no i wont talk about it.

MASTERLIST

Loki was not someone who was overly friendly. To most of the people in the compound, he was courteous at best. That rule, however, was bent occasionally. The only exceptions were you and his brother (some of the time). He had been smitten with you the moment he saw you though he would never admit it. You were bubbly and light and the exact opposite of him. You were so friendly and kind that it almost made him want to be the same.

You were kind to him, which he was shocked by. Most of the people in the compound tolerated him but they were never caught being too nice. You, on the other hand, were friendly to him the day you met him.

You weren't an Avenger, you weren't really even a fighter. You were a genius in the medical field as well as the unofficial caretaker of everyone on the team. You made sure that they all ate, they didn't overwork themselves, that they were getting enough sleep every night because they were your closest friends. Everyone listened to you. You had this power over them all that they just wanted to make sure you were happy and that meant they wanted to do what you asked of them. They tried their best to take care of you as well.

When you met Loki and were very nice to him, he expected some ulterior motive. He assumed that there was something you wanted or that you would gain his trust and then humiliate him later. So he kept his guard up. This was proved wrong over the months to come. He noticed that you were that kind to everyone and you were just happy to be around other people. He let you in over time.

You became the only person who he opened up to, even more than his brother. You would keep him company even when he lashed out at others and when he was filled with guilt. You forgave him for his past without question and opened up to him as well. It took probably 3 months for Loki to realize that he was in love with you.

He couldn't believe himself. In love with a midgardian? What was he thinking?

But it was undeniable and uncontrollable. He just couldn't help himself. You would read to him and watch movies with him. You would braid his hair when he was stressed and would teach him how to cook when he asked. You were just everything to him. It took him a long time to confess. He was terrified that you would reject him. You could have had anyone you wanted, why would you choose him?

When he did confess, you were thrilled and he couldn't believe it. You kissed him and he thought he could die happy right then and there. He had never felt this much love for anyone besides his mother.

You continued to break his walls down and he fell deeper in love with you every day. He didn't, however, change his behavior towards others very much. He had grown closer to the team, having regained some trust from them all. He was no longer aggressive and he tried very hard not to lash out. Most of that was out of his own desire to be trusted. He realized that he was going to have to make his life work to remain with you and he slowly learned that most of the people in the compound weren't actually as awful as he might have originally guessed. That didn't mean that his personality changed toward them though. He was still slightly cold and short. He wouldn't smile too much and he was what some might call grumpy most of the time.

That only changed around you and everyone noticed. Loki got teased for it constantly and he couldn't care less. He just wanted to make you happy and he had no regard for what anyone thought of your relationship.

He was waiting patiently in the common area of the compound on the couch. Steve and Rhodey were sat on the couch watching something that Loki didn't recognize or care for, it was some kind of reality TV. When he heard the elevator door open he looked toward the door and you were walking towards him. A grin spread over his face and his posture relaxed. He could hear the men on the couch scoff at his sudden change in demeanor. When you got close to him he picked you up and pulled you to straddle his hips on his lap and immediately began kissing all over you. You buried your face in his chest and he kissed your hair.

"How are you, my love?" He mumbled sweetly and you hummed. "Long day?" he questioned and you nodded in affirmation. "Lets go get you some food then, yes?" He asked lightly and you hummed happily. He picked you up and you clung to him, arms and legs wrapping around him. He carried you with ease toward the kitchen. It shocked you sometimes how much he could lift and how easily he lifted you but you had to remind yourself that he was indeed a god.

"How come you never treat us that way?" Rhodey called from the couch and Loki grumbled a bit.

"Oh I'm sorry did you want me to pick you up and make you some tea?" He asked sarcastically and you giggled from where your face was pressed into his chest. He smiled at the fact that he had gotten you to laugh and he set you on the countertop. He tried to pull away to make you some food but you did not let him leave you, still holding on to the front of the shirt that he was wearing. "Do you want to talk about your day?" He asked sweetly, kissing your forehead lightly. You gazed up at him lovingly and his heart skipped a beat.

"I'm just tired. People are annoying and I didn't exactly sleep much last night." You winked at the last part. He smirked at your comment.

"I'm sorry, my love. I was under the impression that you enjoyed what we did last night but I would be happy to give you plenty of time to sleep tonight if that's what you would prefer." he teased and you punched him lightly in the chest.

"Okay fine you're right, I like getting kept up." You confessed. You paused for a moment and his eyes remained on you as he waited patiently for you to continue. "I was mistaken for an intern again today. You would think that after over a year of working here that people would recognize my name and my work but today there were some new investors walking through the facility. When they came to look at my work they started to talk to one of my coworkers and then turned to me to ask me to get them a coffee order while they waited for the doctor to arrive." You grumbled, your mood now sour at the memory. Loki frowned and he felt his anger begin to take shape inside of him. His eyes flashed green for a moment.

"Would you like me to go and teach them a lesson? Perhaps just to mildly terrify them?" he asked, fully serious. That cheered you up plenty and you chuckled. Loki knew that you were laughing because of the absurdity of his statement and the fact that he was dead serious but he was just happy to see you smile again. "I will never understand the midgardian obsession with gender roles. Though I suppose my own identity is more fluid than most asgardians as well." He confessed and you brought your hand to rest on the side of his face. He leaned his head into your hand as he beamed at you. You loved when he compared his home to yours. It reminded you just how powerful he was and that he still chose to spend his days with you. There was suddenly a flash of green before he held his hand out to you, now holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. When you gasped and moved to grab them he slipped from your grasp to move towards the refrigerator.

"Hey that's not fair, you tricked me." You pouted at him, now grumbling that you couldn't hold him anymore.

"Little dove, I cannot make you food when you hold onto me. When I am finished cooking then you can stay with me for as long as you would like." He promised and you nodded solemnly. He quickly pressed another kiss to your cheek before moving around the kitchen to prepare you waffles as he often did when you were having a long day. You observed the beautiful flowers in your hand and watched him as he moved around the kitchen, a million times more comfortable than he had been when he first moved into the compound. You talked contentedly with the people passing by as well as the man who was diligently trying to improve your mood. Occasionally one of the other team members would walk by and laugh a bit at how caring he was acting toward you, all of them just happy you were content though. Eventually Thor stopped by while Loki put some batter into the waffle iron and sliced some fruit.

"You know, this is the happiest I have ever seen him." He stated simply, a smile in is voice.

"It's the happiest I've been too." You responded with a small grin.

"The last time I saw him open up to someone the way that he opens up to you was on Asgard with our mother. She would be happy to see him being so vulnerable again." He patted your back and walked away as tears started to come to your eyes. The brothers would talk of their mother sometimes and Loki often mention the fact that he believed she would have loved you, if not for your own personality then for what you did for her son. You wished that you could meet her.

You were suddenly taken out of your thoughts by someone handing you a plate of waffles and sliced up fruit with a little container of syrup on the side. You looked up at Loki and nearly cried right there. You put the plate aside for a moment to reach out and pull him into a crushing hug. He was a bit startled but responded quickly, a hand going to the back of your head and his fingers brushing through your hair soothingly.

"Did something happen, my love?" He asked softly and you sniffled a bit.

"Just love you and I'm very thankful for everything you do for me." You got out and he affirmed to himself that he would die for you in an instant.

"I love you too, darling, but I slaved away at those waffles and now they are getting cold." He teased and he kissed your hair gently. You took a deep breath before pulling away, looking up at him with love. You smiled and then hopped off of the counter. He walked with you over to the dining table where he sat next to you and serenely waited as you ate, the food lifting your spirits a bit and easing your anxiety of the day. You planned on spending the rest of it with the man next to you as well as every day after that.

[softpatts]

꒦꒷ִֶָ· . the obey me characters preferred nicknames (as well as their reactions because i cant stay on topic)

warnings: none !!

fandom: Obey Me!

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ᜊʕ っ◞ ˕ ◟c ʔ.. ♡︎ 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠: ayee im,, not dead ^^; im soso sorry for not posting- havent had much motivation to write latley,, as you can probably tell !! so again,, sorry !! but have these,, kinda shitty headcanons ~ !! <3

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𝙻𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛:

- hes really old fashioned with pet names

- will automatically call you "Darling",, no i dont take criticism

- as the relationship progresses hell call you more,, such as sweetheart,, doll,, mine,, pos s i b l y babydoll though im a bit iffy on that one

- hes just a sucker for nicknames like those,, the old sappy ones,, and god the way he says it fits perfectly,, just the slight accent he puts into it is,, mWAH

- as for him,, he doesnt have any preffered nicknames,, but something about the way his name sounds coming out of your mouth

- god he loves it so much

- though besides his name his favorite would probably be darling/my love

- it seems so intimate and he loves how hes the only one you call that,, nobody else

𝙼𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚘𝚗:

- weve seen what this man calles MC,, his human,, he likes most nicknames as long as theres "my" in front of it

- though the ones he called you most are stupid,, idiot,, dummy,, you can see the pattern

- while that i s how he expresses his love,, if he sees its bothering you even the slightest bit hell stop right away

- hes pretty rough with affection,, but he wILL call you doll,, no doubt about it

- and the way it soUN D S AAA it sounds so pretty and god its just,, wow

- when it comes to calling HIM nicknames,, he loves being called baby (or baby boy,, but hell never admit to that one)

- no matter how long you two have been together hell get extremely blushy n flustered whenever you call him that,, hell tell you to shut up,, spoiler alert he doesnt want you to

- please keep calling him that he loves it akdhsk

𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚒:

- hes extremely akward with it at first,, and youll probably have to bring it up first

- i feel like hell call you his "irl waifu" alot,, or hell call you his "henry"

- though in the private of his or your room,, hell call you really sappy names like princess,, baby,, or anything with "my" in front of it,, though he only really calls you baby when youre teasing him

- hell stretch out the "y" n say it in a really whiny voice aA

- the first time he called you princess was one night,, after staying up for days on end,, he finally crashed,, he was close to passing out while leaning against you

- though before he fell asleep you heard him whisper a soft "night princess" AND OH MY GOD AKDHSK

- switching to him now,, he loves it when you call him handsome,, or your prince

- every time itll make his heart soar and hell turn into a fumbling blushy mess,, like mammon he wILL call you stupid,, and tell you to shut up

- once agAIN DONT- DONT SHUT UP HE LOVES IT

- theres been many occasions where hes accidentally called you a really cheesy cutsey nickname in front of mammon,, and god he never lets it go

- hell tease levi endlessly,, mocking him in a wierd voice that you assume was supposed to be levis..?

- but no matter how much he gets teased for it,, he loves being called pet names

𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚊𝚗:

-hell definitely call you kitty,,, doesn’t matter where,, in the bedroom,, in front of his brothers,, even in the presence of Lord Diavolo himself

- he thinks it fits !! seeing as he likes cats,,, and likes you even more,, what better than to call you his kitty??

- I feel like he’s also the type of person to call you baby,, but in a really deep n fancy voice,, fancy?? I think that’s right AKDHSK

- but he loves your reactions,, no matter if it’s getting extremely flustered,, or you doing it right back to him !!

- the first time Lucifer heard him call you kitty,, mans spit out his drink- he was,, surprised to say the least??

- after that it just pissed him off,, so aye another reason to keep calling you his kitty !!

- he enjoys any nicknames,, though if you call him master- WOOH lemme just say this man will go feral aA he loves it,, he’ll get flustered if it’s in a public setting though- he’s all for calling you embarrassing nicknames but when you flip it around all of a sudden he’s against it 😞

- (just saying,, thats a lie- he loves it when you call him that in public akdhdk he likes people knowing he’s yours as much as you’re his !!

𝙰𝚜𝚖𝚘:

-he calls you baby,, precious,, cutie,, all tho s e akdhsk 

- hell do it in a real,y high pitched,, almost baby voice n it’s sweet at first,, but gets annoying when he wONT SHUT UP

- if he knows it annoys you,, no he won’t stop,, he’ll do the opposite in fact,, he’ll do it even more !!

- if you start getting “angry” he’ll drape himself over you n try to kiss you while saying “you know you love meeee” drawing out the e

- when he does that the others swear he drunk,, actually drunk?? no,, love drunk?? yes,, yes very much

- he loves you,, and he’s not gonna stop showing you exactly how much he loves you !!

- now that’s what he calls you,, but ypu calling hIM nicknames ><

- he lOVES LO V E S it when you call him things like "pretty boy" "cutie" "handsome"

- they just make his heart flutter,,, and though he may get those all the time,, them coming from you just makes it an absolute gift

- hell often retort back with one of your nicknames

- "what are ya doing handsome??"

- "nothing really cutie~ i was planning on going to this new salon that opened up though,, would you like to come?"

- something about you calling him nicknames just,, mwah !!

- he also loves when you call his personality pretty,, or compliment his personality/traits,, hes used to compliments about his physical body,, but hi m and what he can actually do makes his heart flutter,, and hed actually get somewhat flustered !!

𝙱𝚎𝚎𝚕:

- He definitley calls you sth food related,, his creampuff,, dumpling,, honey,, sweetheart,, just really sweet n nice nicknames,,, he loves the way it sounds when he talks to you

- the first time he called you that was in the kitchen,, he had heard satan talking about these things that were common in relationships called "pet names"

- so you walked into the kitchen one night n it was the first thing that came to his mine

- "hey there creampuff,,"

- wh a t

- you had to do a double take,, but,, after a few seconds you answered

- "is something wrong??" please he thought he made you uncomfy,, or satan was wrong,,,

- "no !! i just,,, wansnt expecting that from you"

- hell call you nicknames ALOT

- first thing in the morning,, randomly in the hallway,, just anytime hes able to hell call you nicknames,, its gone to the point where hell rarley call you by your actual name

- he loves it when you call him "my man",, "baby",, "sweetheart",, but his favorite would have to be "my love"

- nicknames with "my" in them make his heart flutter

- the first time you called him a nickname he froze up and got all blushy

- he didnt at all exepect that,, and you sounded so casual??? what???

- he pulled you over you him,, wrapped his arms around you,, and rested his head on top of yours

- he didnt let go for,, quite a while

𝙱𝚎𝚕𝚙𝚑𝚒𝚎:

- belphie isnt actually one for nicknames,,, he doesnt think it makes any sense,, why should he call you anything other than your name??

- though if you ask,, or it comes up at all that you want him to call you something,, hell do it without hesitation- aksjak

- he calls you sleepyhead. No i dont take criticism- it doesnt matter if you nap as much as him or not hes calling you sleepyhead

- i feel like he also might call you his light,, or his sunshine,, just because of how he met you,,, n how at some points you seem like the only good thing in his life at that moment,,,

- "i love you, my light,, more than i could ever tell you."

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOD PLEASE AKSJAJS

- as for you calling him nicknames,, he could really care less,, as long as its from you he loves it

- one of his favorites is "my moon" you just,, came up with it one day,, and he stuck with it,, and its gotten to the point where hell barley answer to his own name,, which can get him in a bit of trouble

- "belphie !! get yer ass up and help me with this !!"

- "belphie."

-"BELPHIE!!"

- "hm? Oh were you saying something?"

- "yes i called your name like a hundred times or somethin !!"

- sometimes he just doesnt answer you when you call him by his name,, and hell wait and stare at you until you until you call him by his nickname

𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑠 🏷️:

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[simluvbot]

Enhypen’s reaction to when you punch a guy (hyung line)

a/n: this was a request ! I said I could upload this a few days ago but due to it being my birthday and it currently being exam week I didn’t have the time to edit this so that’s why I uploaded without proofreading at first TT // ok I finished editing 😁 Jake and sunghoon’s one is so bad don’t read it pls sorry

Although as this fic includes violence I only wrote for hyung like members and not maknae line, I hope you understand

Warnings: descriptions of physical violence (punching), mentions of being in a crowd, mentions of wanting to harm others (thoughts)

+ note: this is a work of fiction and in no way am I encouraging violence ! I wrote this in a way that I thought would match the member’s personalities although this is definitely not a true depiction of the enhypen members ^^

Lee heeseung

You and heeseung had been in the library studying together for your exams, and although you both had luckily reserved a secluded spot in the library that was both quiet and spacious for your revision, it wasn’t soon before some inconsiderate assholes had decided to occupy your desk too.

There were only two of them, yet they still managed to take up over half of the table whereas you and heeseung only had one small portion to yourselves

Plus they were very noisy, and the only librarian being on the seconf floor didnt help either  😐

You and your boyfriend had both made several attempts to sheepishly ask them if they could please quieten down before the librarian came back and kicked them out and more importantly so you mad heeseung could focus ??

But they simply ignored you, paying attention to the… online games ?? They had came to the library to play???

You were starting to get very annoyed, but decided to bite your tongue and instead have you and heeseung focus on your work

But it was when one of them spilt their coffee on heeseung’s expensive   textbook and even laugh afterwards which is what you decided that you finally had it

You don’t know how it happened, but soon you were standing up and landed a solid punch on the guy’s face

Heeseung was really shocked, just as much as you at your brash movements

And he would be even more concerned for you when he sees the person you punched egret aggressive to you and start getting close in your face.

“Hey man, that’s enough.” Despite heeseung’s shock, it didn’t take him longer than second before he stood up and grabbed at the man’s arm easily after he got up close you you intimidatingly, heeseung’s strong grip preventing the stranger from hitting you back and you swear you’ve never heard heeseung’s voice so deep and authoritative before as he told the man to sit down and focus on his stupid game

Due to your own surprise at your actions, you barely payed attention to what was going on as heeseung had a polite (on his end..) whisper-argument with the two guys, packing his things up as well as yours before grabbing your hand and safely leading you out of the library

You two ended up going home where he cleaned at your busted knuckles gently, sad at the fact that you got hurt and overall bummed out at two guys who got you so worked up and that his go-to textbook got ruined ):

“Baby, why did you do that, Hm? We could have just left to another place. You could have gotten hurt if they fought back!”

More than anything, your boyfriend was upset at the idea of you potentially getting more than just a few cuts and bruises on your knuckles, and so you promised heeseung right then and there that you wouldn’t do it again

After both of you got changed into your pyjamas, you and heeseung had set up your own study area in the dining room table, where you both continued with your study session for the rest of the day, with lots of cuddles afterwards as a reward!

Park Jongseong

You and jay were walking back home and it was already dark outside as you were both walking through the streets.

Approaching a heavily crowded place outside a club which included several people under the influences, it was pretty hard for you both to squeeze through the crowd as you were walking past.

They literally were spilling onto the road.. :/

“Jay.” You gasped when you lost hold of his hand on yours, leaving you in the idle of the crowd alone. There were so many bodies around you and as you got quickly pushed to against a wall from the movements of the people you found it hard to make your way through the people who were much taller than you.

You were starting to get anxious and when someone came directly in front of you, literally ignoring you asking for them to move and plainly blocking you for no reason you started to get frustrated, adrenaline in your veins as you lost your boyfriend and wanted to get out asap before you started fo panic.

You had asked the person to please move out of the way so you could pass through and they even had the audacity to look at you and make eye contact — only to simply ignore you when you asked for the nth time for them to scoot.

So, with your anxiety peaking and frustration soaring, you punched them hard on their face as soon as they turned around, and when they went stumbling backwards you finally had enough space to escape from your trapped position against the wall.

Jay had finally found you and was right there a few steps in front of you, and you were almost reaching him when a hand pulled you back suddenly, slamming you against the wall aggressively and leading you to hit your head hard.

Jay saw the whole thing. and he was livid

He shouted at the guy and grabbed his hands in his, pushing him so he was off of you once again. Jay was so angry he literally thought he could see red. How dare a man not just refuse to let someone obviously distressed through, but to touch you and hurt you?

You had to calm him down and urged hin for you both to leave before the stranger started getting aggressive because he was already shouting at you both and some heads were turning 😟

He eventually listened to you when he saw your glossed eyes and you clutching at your aching knuckles, so gently grabbing your unhurt hand in his he swiftly led you both away from the crowd in less than a minute, face fallen and heart aching ah ):

“Hey, let me look at you. are you okay? Did that bastard hurt you a lot?”

You could tell he was still so agitated with what happened, checking at your bruised knuckles and looking a the back of your head that was starting to form a lump from the force of being pushed against the wall earlier.

“I’m so sorry, I should have held tighter. I should have brought some security guards with us today.”

You had to tell him it was okay and you defended yourself and the guy was just a jerk and can’t hurt you anymore.

Jay was still so sad at the fact that you got hurt all because he let you go accidentally for one second ): seeing you so anxious and literally in pain made him feel so bad.

He showered you in many kisses once you both got home and you had a relaxing bath together, as well as helping treat your bruise , promising for this to never happen again 🥺

Sim jaeyun

You were hanging out with your old classmates as a reunion and it was getting close to the time where Jake had said he would pick you up to take you home.

Your classmates had asked you if you had a partner and when you told them that you did, they all got instantly curious.

You of course got so excited and was ecstatic to flaunt off your talented and handsome boyfriend to them :D

So you showed them a picture of Jake, however the reaction that you were met with was not what you were expecting.

Your classmates were silent for a few moments as they looked at the photo, before one of them eventually asked,

“Oh, so that’s the guy you’re dating?”

You could see two of them exchange glances for a reason you could not possibly fathom and your heart fell to your stomach when you saw them stifing their laughter.

“What?” You asked, frowning as you looked at the photo you showed them on your phone. What was wrong with the photo?

“Oh.. nothing it’s just.. well.. he just doesn’t look like the best option..”

“It’s pretty cute actually. Of course you would end up with a guy that looks like he matches you in social level.. he’s probably a loser.”

You were so confused and the comments kept coming as they talked amongst themselves, openly criticising Jake for no reason.

You gotta admit, you never were the closest my with your classmates in the first place but still decided to agree to the meet-up for old times’ sake.

You could put up with their side glances towards you ever since you arrived because you barely cared, but when they dared talk about your boyfriend like that??

You were so angry you felt yourself almost shaking.

“Hey.” You said, standing up abruptly from your seat on the picnic table at the park you guys were hanging out at.

“Why are you insulting my boyfriend like that. What is wrong with you?”

Once again, they simply laughed in your face, seeming to think of your reaction as hilarious.

You were gonna start crying soon because the rage boiling up inside of you was reaching to the point that you were finding it hard to contain it and breathe deeply to keep calm and not cause a scene.

But they kept insulting Jake, liking watching you get angry under their gazes.

One of your classmates in particular kept offering comments, too many and you had enough - you snapped.

You punched them square in the face.

And you had done so just when you noticed Jake exiting his car right outside of the park, when it was obvious that he saw you.

You didn’t care, and in fact you started laughing almost hysterically in front of your classmates at their shocked expressions.

You were in tears because the person you punched started having a nosebleed… to you it was hilarious and you were in your own world trying to catch your breath from laughing so much until you heard your name being called.

“Y/n.” Jake said worriedly, finally reaching yoy and placing a hand on your shoulder.

He led you to his car, and after you both left and as you sat silently in the passenger seat having calmed down, you were staring to feel awkward with all the little glances Jake threw towards you ever so often.

He didn’t ask or push, instead just remaining silent and gripping at your hand you had punched your classmate with, thumb swirling over your red knuckles as he stared down at them with a bothered expression.

“Sorry.” You finally said, giving him a sheepish smile. “They just kept talking so badly about you when they found out I had a boyfriend.. I couldn’t resist.”

Jake if anything was a bit disappointed that you had reacted violently, and he was silent for a few seconds as he sat unknowing of what to say, frowning and licking his lips like a confused puppy trying to work out a solution.

“Please just don’t do it again. Violence is never okay, you should have just left. I don’t want my y/nnie getting hurt or getting into fights because of me, okay?”

You both drove back and cuddled a lot on the sofa, and Jake made sure to give your knuckles several kisses, his heart aching with the memory of what happened );

Park Sunghoon

“Ha, if it isn’t the ugly y/n.”

You bit your lip as you heard the familiar laugh of the rink bullies behind you, plainly mocking you.

“Still friends with that weirdo, park sunghoon?”

Ever since the members in the same extracurricular figure skating club had found out you were friends with sunghoon, the ice boy that they liked to torment for reasons forever unknown to you, you had soon too fallen victim to their evil teasing.

“I told you to stop making fun of sunghoon like that.” You said plainly, sighing as you sat down on a bench to undo your skates.

The group members laughed and would just not leave you alone, even going as far as sitting next to you and entering your personal space by constantly poking at your sides sharply.

And you swear to god the temptation of slashing open their faces with the bottom of your skates was very tempting—

But no, you had told sunghoon that you would meet him at the entrance of the rink to walk home together after your individual practices; and you were already running late.

“Where you going? To go see sunghoon? Huh? Go tell him that we messed with his skates so he fails in the competition.”

Your hands froze as you were tying your converses. You looked up, meeting the leader’s gaze.

“What?” You had enough. You could never understand why they had sunghoon as their punching bag. Sunghoon was used to it, not one to start arguments and the type to only keep to himself when things like this happen.

You just went along with it and followed his lead in ignoring your other club members, but them going this far to try to sabotage the performance sunghoon had been training months for? You had enough of simply doing nothing in retaliation to their bullying.

Standing up abruptly, they stood back at youe sudden movement, but not quick enough for being able to dodge the punch you swung directly on the nose of the nearest one in front of you.

“Y/n?”

Looking over to the doorframe of the changing room — there was park sunghoon.

“Sunghoon.” You said in shock, glancing over towards the group in front of you as they started guffawing at the sides of the person you punched

“Sorry, I got caught up with-“

You were just making your way speedily over towards hoon when you were pulled back by the wrist painfully.

You gasped when the force that you were let go of led you to be flung over to one side and practically topple onto the sticky matte floor.

Wincing as you landed on your wrist, you hissed at the fresh pain and the loud crack that came with it.

It was silent as everyone paused, having heard your wrist snapping as much as you had felt the pain of it.

“Y/n!” Sunghoon was at your side in an instant, pushing his way cut though the others standing around you in shock.

His pretty face was frowned with worry, eyes wide as he came in front of you, assessing your wrist without touching it.

“Let’s get out of here.” He scooped you up, and if you weren’t busy trying to breathe in and out deeply to calm yourself down after your injury, you would have been surprised at the skate bullies making space for a clear path Sunghoon to carry you through.

From all your time of knowing the talented ice boy, your skating partner and friend — you had never really seen him show much emotion apart from the small smiles and laughs he gave only to you. His long legs were able to stride quickly to a bench outside as he called an ambulance for you, a distressed expression as he meticulously cared towards you.

And gee if you breaking your wrist didn’t hurt like hell, but after all, did you regret that day? No. You finally were able to stand up to the bullies for the first time, and even more importantly — that moment had started the beginning of a new chapter for you and Sunghoon.

[izumiini]

MISCHIEVOUS

Request; not really just an idea from @mikachuchu

Character; Childe

prounons; not mentioned, gn

Warning; mention of childe real name,

A/N; i did this like five times already and im still not satisfied :( mikachuchu if ur reading this, thank you for blessing me with this idea.

Childe was known to live up to his name. Or bluntly put,he acts like a child sometimes.

And sadly,the one to put up with half of his antics has to be you of course.

You wondered how you could still be able to tolerate him even after years—months actually but time flies—of his childish personality.

Perhaps it was his insanly infinit wealth.

Yeah,you only stayed for his money. Not like you enjoyed his company.

You did enjoy his presence from time to time. But alas today was not one of those times.

Right now,the wealthy man was grinning from ear to ear while you stood speechless.

The very eleventh harbinger. One who's name would strike fear within the people.

The very one who just asked you to feed him. And by the excuse of his lack of skills when using the chopstike.

The very man who learned to weild the polearm in less than three months.

You sighed.

This man,you thought,he will be the death of me one day.

He looked at you with expectant eyes,glimming with mischieve. You reculantly obliged to his request. You couldn't say no your superior.

With a sigh,you picked up the chopstike along with some food,and thus began feeding him.

The whole lunch passed by with you spoonfeeding him like a child. If the other hears of this,archon knows how embaressed you'd be.

utc!

"This restraunt sure live up to it reputation! We should come back some other."

The ginger commented, his happy smile and his relaxed self was only aggravitating you.

You spent all lunch feeding this grown ass man,you didnt have any appetit to finish your food.

Childe looked over at you,he saw your face and stiffeled his laugher. He walked closer to you,who was to lost in thought to notice.

His arm warped itself around your shoulder and pulled you closer.

"Why the long face comrade?" he grinned,annoying you even more. You pushed his arm away,missing the disappointment in his eyes.

"Who wouldn't be?" you started walking away from the ginger,your ears slightly red. Ajax only chuckled,his eyes sparkling mischieve.

He was sure to use this more often. Who could blame him after seeing your expression. You were simply too cute.

"Hey wait for me!"

"Just hurry up we're already late because of you!"

You were cute indeed.

Special thanks to @mikachuchu for the idea, check them out they are really great

[mirrorforevers]

here, there, and everywhere • graham coxon/reader

this fic is based on two prompts y'all sent me:

and

this fic really tested all of my blur knowledge holy Fuck. blur as talking heads au i guess. how cool would it be if they

1. had a girl bassist instead of the cheese tory dude

2. werent as unhappy as they were in the mid 90s (just a bit)

3. were just a little 🤏🏻 bit more female friendly lets just pretend this is a universe where the blurjob passes didnt exist heh

it took me everything i had to make this sound as realistic as it could be. u know these girls who think they could fix patrick bateman or don draper? perhaps y’all could fix blur

consider this a gift n not only me writing for your prompt, @nottuned! thank u so much for all your support n encouragement n for always bein so sweet 🥺 i hope u enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

let’s see how many references to unfortunate britpop moments y’all can find in this

also i hope i captured the silliness of the gossip and drama in that era well. if you enjoyed it, please leave an ask telling me more! ur feedback is rly important to me 😔✊🏻

tw (?) reader has shitty parents

word count: 7.938 (this one's quite long!)

smut. set in the 90s. au.

You were unlocking your door when you heard your house phone ring. The shrill sound echoed through the empty corridors as you hurriedly unwrapped your scarf, tossing your keys and backpack on nearby furniture as you ran to answer the call.

“Hello?” You answer, panting.

“Y/N?”

“Dave?” You smile, that call was a very welcome surprise. Your friend owed you an answer.

-

A few weeks ago, Dave Rowntree, your music classmate who became a close friend, told you that he had teamed up with two other proficient musicians to form a band. Dave was ecstatic, and every day he had new stories about his new friends to tell you between breakfasts and lunches that you shared between the countless hours of rehearsals. Even though you weren't part of the group, you already felt that you knew Damon and Graham like the back of your hand. Yin and Yang. One was expansive, ambitious, vain, impulsive. The other, shy, introspective, anxious and careful.

Damon Albarn wanted to be an actor, Graham Coxon had a firm foot in the visual arts. One was a fan of grand classical compositions, the other was a Beatles fan. They had been friends since they were children, in a seemingly unbreakable bond. Damon dropped out of his theater class not only because out of a sudden he had found a bigger calling in music instead of acting, but also because he couldn't stand being away from his best friend for so long. You found yourself often imagining their faces and voices while trying to make all of the wild and endearingly funny stories Dave told you more tangible in your head.

It was not long before Dave started dropping little hints that they needed someone else for their project. “It’s not that Graham isn’t good at bass,” he’d say, “but we could do better.” It wasn't at the top of your plans to be part of a band right now, especially as you were preparing intensely to join the Royal Academy of Music, and he knew it. When you mentioned the conversations you had with Dave about the boys on your family dinner, in quiet wonder and timid want of being part of something really exciting, your parents wrinkled their noses. Focus on the greater things, they’d say. Don’t let these boys distract you from your goal.

Our goal, they meant to say. Since you were born, you never knew if the things you wanted were really your will or theirs.

But anyway.

That dynamic went on for a while, until the day Dave invited you to audition for them while you shared a Diet Coke in the tube home.

“Will it take too much of my time?” You asked, coyly.

“Bold of you to assume we’ll let you in that quickly.” He chuckles, amused by your confidence. You playfully elbow him in return. He knew how good you were at what you did, though, and there’s lightness in his tone when he continues, “But no, unless you let it. You’ll probably have to stand up to Damon every once in a while.” He sips the drink, handing it over to you.

“What about Graham? How much is he determined to make it big?”

“Damon’s the one who wants it the most. Graham’s studying Fine Arts at Goldsmiths, so. There’s still cautiousness in him.”

“Huh. Okay then.” You reply, thoughts running wild. “Do we have a time and date?”

“Is tomorrow ok to you?”

“Sure. After our class?”

“Perfect.” The train reaches his station. He ruffles your hair: “See you tomorrow then.”

“See you.”

You don’t tell anything about it to your parents, you just warn them that you’ll arrive a bit later than usual. Dave’s intel was crucial to your choice of songs: knowing Graham was the beatlemaniac and also the rational brake to Damon’s tireless ambition, you knew who to please and have as an ally, so you build an innovative and fresh mashup of Paul McCartney’s greatest basslines to play for them. Of course it could backfire, but you didn’t care. You had a hell of a good ear anyway and if Damon wanted you to play anything out of the blue, you would improvise beautifully over it.

The day comes. You didn’t know why you were that nervous for an amateur audition. You weren’t even sure if it was the right path to follow, given that, depending on how focused Damon really was and how contagious his aspiration was, being part of a band could really take you out of your predestinated course. The reason why you were so nervous, now thinking a little more about it, may be because deep inside, you want your path to be a little less predictable. You didn’t want to fill your heart with hopes that you might make it big and travel all over the world because you didn’t even know them. But… what if it clicks? You knew some people in the scene whose work was getting seriously recognized out there.

Meeting them for the first time was an enigmatic experience. Damon was incredibly brash and cocky - not the first theater kid you’ve met in your life. Graham was way more approachable, though also a bit conceited when pushed just right. You wondered if you’d fit in that boys’ club, and decided you wouldn’t be an easy target for discredit or any kind of shit they might give you. “Took me a while to fully get their trust. You’ll do just fine”, Dave said, out of their earshot.

That gave you more fuel to play amazingly well. Damon definitely wasn’t one to be impressed quickly, but he was, when you finished your set. So was Graham - Graham was starry eyed with your performance, actually. Albarn showed you a song and asked you if you could improvise to it, just as you imagined. Of course you could, on the first play. You even suggested some adjustments to its structure. Your feedback was welcomed and noted.

-

Even though everything went surprisingly well, you still weren't sure if you would be a member of “Seymour”, as they called themselves. (You knew it wasn’t the best name, but you didn’t have a better suggestion at the time so you’ve kept your opinion to yourself.) Graham became eerily quiet out of a sudden and wouldn’t cross eyes with you the entire time you were there. Damon, well, was Damon. Perhaps he thought you were too ordinary and mainstream for deciding to play Beatles when he’s trying to be the new avant-garde Jesus.

But Dave's news was different than you expected. “They really, really enjoyed your audition. As I thought they would.” You can hear the smile in his voice. "When can you rehearse with us?"

-

Months after, on your first gig as a fully formed and integrated band, Damon was hit in the face by a guy twice his size, Graham vomited onstage and you and Dave had to take care of both. A beautiful way to close the already exquisite day you had, after you fought with your parents, got kicked out of your childhood home and gave up on entering the Royal Academy of Music two days after you received your acceptance letter featuring rave reviews of your entrance exam.

Dealing with these boys - no, grown-ass men - was hard, but not completely unpleasant. If it were totally unpleasant, you wouldn’t give up on your entire life to embark on such an adventure.

You - plural you - were so gifted and Damon’s compositions were so good. You could see that artsy pretentious mess of an act going somewhere. Of course, you were a bit lost in your life, but so were they, as you ran from city to city meeting new people and trying new things in your journey to fame.

Loneliness, once a close friend, became a distant acquaintance. One you didn’t know anymore.

You confess you were getting worried, though, with how much money you had left on your savings and how much you were spending lately now that your parents weren’t an active part of your life. Wanting to eat something you cannot dream of buying without that money being really useful in a much more critical situation, not having nearly enough money to replace something important that broke or got torn off was frustrating. Some basic things became luxuries out of a sudden.

One day in particular, you very briefly mentioned that you were dying to eat a slice of chocolate cake, but your voice was so small and everyone was so immersed in their duties you thought no one gave two shits to what you said. Two days later, Graham arrived late at rehearsal with a small chocolate cake in his hands, handing it over to you like it was a completely ordinary act. Nothing in the way he acted told you he expected a reward, it was so natural and… gentle. You knew no one in your band could buy a chocolate cake without it being apocalyptic to their personal finances during that time.

That day, you were assured by fate that feeling lost together was better than feeling guided alone.

-

The band finally got on track - strictly musically speaking. Personally speaking, many contemporaries who followed you at parties and other events described you as an ever-growing odd, annoying and intermittently disarming bunch - and Blur and its members became household names, at least in the UK. It became harder and harder everyday to impose yourself as an entire industry and its target public aimed to tear you down. Men couldn’t understand.

(Graham Coxon was the one who tried the hardest to.)

It was four in the morning. You’ve got used to following your bandmates to hospitals, running away from trouble or knowing when to relish in it. But it was the first time you offered yourself to clean up dried blood from one’s face, given how much you hated seeing the fluid and even fainted when younger whenever exposed to it.

You, so delicately, wipe the saline solution-soaked cotton across Graham’s face, who flinches at the cold sensation on his still sensitive skin. He stares at you with the eyes of a child, and you couldn’t help but give him a slight, warm smile in return, which he retributes. Your face conveyed gratitude and affection towards the one you were taking care of. Your hands still struggled to stay completely still after the surge of adrenaline your body received a few hours ago.

Being the only girl in a massive band, and one the music magazines and mainstream media loved sexualizing, meant having paparazzis in your window in odd hours (not that that’s acceptable in any hour, but you had to lower your standards even more these days), meant having different photographers trying to pressure you to get into all kinds of uncomfortable angles with skimpy-ass dresses and just count on the intervention of your fellow bandmates so they would stop, also having invasive male fans who would try to harass you in any way they could.

Of course the day where one of your bandmates would get into a fist fight with one of these men inserted into these categories would come. And even though they were all protective of you, each in their own peculiar, increasingly contradictory way, Graham’s dedication to it was sometimes commendable.

You were making your way through a small corridor of people on your way to the stage when a random guy cupped one of your breasts. It’s not like the venue was incredibly tight, it could not have been on accident and it made your blood boil. You turned around to scream at him, and Graham, who was just behind you, threw a punch directly towards the man’s face, without thinking twice.

And oh boy, took a lot of people and a sweet amount of time to separate the two after that.

After all was said and done, Graham had a few scratches, a black eye and a cut brow. He kept dodging your many “sorrys”, “you didn’t have to do this” and other expressions of guilt. “You have nothing to be sorry about, he deserved it”, he kept assuring you, like a mantra, just giving in to your pleas when you supplicated to take care of his wounds during intermission and after the show.

“I get why you did what you did, Gra. I hate that you took such a risk because of me, but I understand.” you say, voice cracking from not using it for a while after spending some good minutes in complete silence taking care of him. “However,” you soak another cotton ball in the saline solution a roadie got you, punctuating the word with a squeeze to the cotton to remove excess liquid. “I was worried sick about you. What if he… had a knife or something? You could’ve got seriously injured. Or killed.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m perfectly able to have a good fight,” after wincing from the contact of the cold wet cotton with his dried blood, he purses his lips in a forced, shy smile, trying to light up the mood. He notices your hands are still shaking from the adrenaline, and takes one of them in his bigger ones, trying to calm you down. The fact that he did this for you, coupled with the fear and how tired you felt of having to go through that kind of situation once again, made you cry-laugh from how overwhelmed you felt.

His expression changes to one of pure compassion in an instant. “Hey, don’t--oh my,” he gets up from his chair to embrace you as you pour your frustrations through fat tears running down his shoulder.

“It’s so exhausting,” you mumble, through sobs. “Now I’m putting you in danger too. I feel like I did and I’m still doing everything wrong. I should be the one giving you a shoulder to cry on.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong! Anything at all, I promise you,” he says, tenderly, running his hands through your hair, still holding you tight. “It was his fault! I decided it was the right thing to do. You’re worth the risk. What people have been putting you through is unacceptable.”

“I’m not worth the risk!” You break apart from his arms, trying to get your point across. “What would I do without you if someone killed you? You need to be more careful!”

The silence hangs heavy between you two thanks to the weight of your words.

“You should’ve asked me before you lunged at him, at least. I don’t know.” You wipe your many tears as you move towards the nearest bottle of water to try to calm yourself down. “It’ll never end. I’m so afraid that these situations will get even worse. That,” you motion at his wounds and dirty clothes, “is a bloody tragedy. It’s a tragedy things escalated to this point. You can’t do that forever.”

“This is just a consequence. And something I would do for you in a heartbeat whenever necessary.”

“Graham, I don’t want you to get hurt because--”

“They hurt you. I won’t let you go through that alone. Besides,” he comes closer to you again. “As I already told you, I can take care of myself, most of the time.” He takes your face in his hands, his fingers so delicately running across your cheeks to dry your tears. You knew that gesture wasn’t his way of asking you for anything you weren’t ready to give him yet. He just wanted you to feel safe. “And I want to take care of you.”

“I’m the one cleaning your wounds.”

“A great partnership, I think.” Coxon chuckles softly, and finally gets a smile out of you. As he always does. “And they make me look cool, don’t you think?”

“Shut up.” You giggle, still feeling too emotional to return to the stage. You sigh: “Thank you for being there for me. You know I’m still not very used to it. Just please be safe.”

The roadie returns, a little flustered by interrupting your little moment together. “5 minutes and you’re back, guys.”

“Okay!” You both turn to answer her.

“I’ll be. No need to thank me for anything, Y/N.” He answers, giving your forehead a little kiss. “Let’s go.”

“Give me two minutes. I’ll be right behind you.”

-

“What’s it like, being the only woman in the band?”

Four eyerolls at once don’t seem to faze the interviewer. She waits for your response.

Apparently the thousand invasive questions regarding Damon’s love life and the same bullshit treatment of women as either rare specimen or sex dolls is what pleases the audience of music TV shows these days.

“What do you think?” is what you say.

“Must be a thrill to have these beautiful boys around you all the time. And we’ve heard you never even took advantage of it!”

You don’t like where this is heading. “Is that… a bad thing? I don’t know what you mean.”

“Perhaps some of our lady viewers might think it is. No judgement though!” She raises her hands. “You do you, it’s just that it’s quite unexpected to see prudes in non-Christian bands. I mean… from what we’ve heard.”

“I’m sorry? What are you trying to say? What did you hear?”

Her tongue clicks while she stares at you with defiance and mischief on her eyes, as she goes a little further and raises her voice so it can overlay yours. “Oh love. You do know what I’m talking about. There’s no need to be ashamed of being a virgin.”

Your cheek burns intensely and the only thing you wished for was for the ground to swallow you whole. Dave and Graham are especially uncomfortable. Damon’s a bit amused. The three knew almost everything there was to know about you. The one topic that surprisingly they didn’t know about is that you’re still a virgin.

They know you’ve been single for a long time. They know that’s part of what draws so much attention and twisted lore regarding you and your past, but that’s not something they felt they needed to know about you at all, and you truly never felt the need to comment about that with any of them, and they haven’t asked. Not even Mr. “the way to be successful in this game is to make all the boys wanna be you and all the girls wanna sleep with you. In your case that’d work in reverse” Damon Albarn.

“Is that even something that should be discussed in an interview about our music? Is that what your boss told you to ask her about?” Dave answers, his tone venomous.

“Musicians are way more than just music. You’re entertainment in every sense of the word.”

“Who told you that about me?” You asked, not sure if you want to know the answer.

“A lovely elderly lady who lives in Elgin Crescent. She knows you so well.”

That’s your mum. That’s how far low your relationship has degraded. You’re not surprised. That doesn’t feel less like a punch on your gut, but you don’t feel like tumbling again. Not today.

“I know who you’re talking about. Tell her I asked her to go fuck herself and burn in hell. In that order.”

“But that’s your--”

“Yes, she is my mum!” If people are going to expose you anyway, then why don’t you do it on your terms? “We’re truly entertainment in every sense of the word, aren’t we. Not everyone’s mum’s a cunt. Some of us aren’t that lucky.”

“You want to be the next Gallagher sister with the spicy remarks?”

“Not sure. But I do want to be the last person you ever get to interview.”

-

The management of the band wasn’t at all surprised your interview became UK’s topic of the week. People were heavily divided between family is family and we shouldn’t hate our relatives and blood isn’t everything, family can be shitty too. Your bandmates were proud of you. The management was angry but tried to understand, and didn’t press you for further explanations. They suggested a two-week break from everything so Blur could rest their image and start a fresh cycle after that, and you gracefully accepted it.

The whole thing seemed so ridiculous the more you thought about it. Did your mum tell the reporter about that gratuitously? What was their conversation like? How did that even happen?

You became the butt of jokes in some places. You saw other famous people doing challenges between them, countdowns, all sorts of crude remarks. What a pathetic, sad chapter of your career.

You dial Graham, and you feel like your heart was about to burst out of your chest.

“Hey, Gra. It’s me.”

“Hey, Y/N.” He sounds pleasantly surprised. “How's it going?”

“Better, I guess. I have to take my mind off all that chaos though. Are you available right now?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been owing me a movie night for quite a while now and I miss spending time with you. Wanna come over?”

“Aww. Sure, I--um. Do you want me to bring anything?”

“I’m pretty sure I got everything we need here--ah… I think I don’t have any more beers.”

“I’ll buy some then. See ya in a few minutes.”

Actually, you couldn’t take all that chaos off your mind because that was the only thing in it. You’re feeling so nervous.

The main reasons sex wasn’t a priority for you until now were:

You didn’t have any real opportunities of losing your virginity in your teens. You were impossibly introspective until, like, 3, 4 years ago, and the way your family worked hasn’t really allowed you to get really close to people. Be it boyfriends, girlfriends or just friends. Anything that threatened to take time off the various tasks and classes your parents assigned to you just couldn’t be part of your life. To be honest, you still struggled a bit to form meaningful connections with people thanks to how you grew up.

The moment you stopped being shy, you noticed it was a real man’s world out there, especially in music, classical or not. You didn’t want anyone to think you fucked your way up to the top, you didn’t want any messy affairs. Also, you had yourself, and you didn’t get all of the hype regarding the concept of screwing someone. But apparently there’s a lot you’ve been missing, given the importance people seem to give to it. After that incident, even though you swore to yourself you wouldn’t give in to any kind of misogynistic pressure, that was one that really got under your skin.

You never really found someone who you felt 100% safe with in that sense until the one who’s about to arrive at your house appeared in your life. Bloody hell, and you don’t even have anything romantic going on. By the time you were a Blur member, you’ve fooled around a bit, but not all the way. You knew how to kiss, knew how to touch yourself and even brought manual satisfaction to some random fool you thought you were into one time. But perhaps this is the time to go all the way. Why not? Everyone knew how close you two were. He made you feel special. He was so kind. And gorgeous. And--

You hear a knock on your door. It’s him. Beers in hand, hair somewhat in place, twitchy as ever.

He comes inside and you feel like your legs will give up anytime. It was not the first time he visited you. It was one of many, actually, and he noticed you were acting… different.

“Y/N, are you okay?” He asks after a brief dialogue between you two, after plating some snacks for both of you.

“Graham...” You sigh, being really careful with your words. “What is your perception of me?”

“My perception of you?” He smiles. “I… think you’re great. You’re fun to be around. You’re one of the best musicians I know, if not the best. Why are you asking me that?”

“N-nothing. It’s nothing. Also, I asked the wrong question. What was your first perception of me?”

“Uh… the day of your audition?”

“Exactly. You barely talked to me that day.”

His eyes lower to his own feet. “I was really timid, actually. I wasn’t used to being near any girl, especially one who… w-would spend so much time around me if everything went well.”

You giggle. “I thought you hated me.”

“Never!” his smile turns into a full blown laughter. You melt at his confession. “Also because it seemed like you were trying to read my mind or something.”

“Of course! Because I thought you hated me!” Now that was a laughter you two shared. You do a voice: “‘Why is that pesky girl trying to get in my band?’”

“My goodness, no! I don’t even sound like that - you know what, I changed my mind. You suck. Because, besides the fact you don’t even know what I sound like, you still haven’t told me why you are asking me that in the first place.”

You couldn’t help but notice how he slightly cornered you physically in one of the kitchen corridors. Graham could be really persuasive when he wanted to.

“Okay. Right. Um. I’ve been thinking about some stuff.”

“What, exactly?”

“Everything that happened this month. The great virginity debacle,” you roll your eyes, and he scoffs.

“You don’t own anyone any information about what you do or don't do with your life. Everyone’s being so invasive. That was incredibly childish of the reporter to do, and we talked about that hundreds of times.”

“Yeah, but… you know what, forget it.”

“Tell me, Y/N. I just said that because I want you to know you were not in the wrong.”

“I know. It’s just… I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s silly for me to… keep closing myself for affection. Any kind of affection.”

“What are you talking about?” His brows furrowed in curiosity.

“I’m not sure if it’s the pressure that finally got under my skin, but… I’m willing to learn what all the fuss is about. Maybe it’s silly that I’m still a virgin.”

He bites his lips, still processing what you just said, expression unreadable. Perhaps you’ve treaded a ground you shouldn’t. You step back both literally and figuratively. “I’m sorry I even brought that up--”

“No, no, don’t be.” He assures you. “I’m just… surprised, that’s all. I swear.”

“And...” You know what. You already went too far, so why not go all the way. You’ve already gone way past the point of no return. “I was wondering if… you would… popmycherry?”

His eyes widen, yours still closed. When you finally open them, he’s closer to you again.

If his head was a machine, you’re sure it would be releasing lots of steam and shaking due to overprocessing. You felt like you just ruined everything.

“Y/N, you don’t need to do it if you don’t really want to.”

“But I want it! At first I thought I didn’t, but then I thought...”

“I don’t want to be part of that if you’re just doing it to fulfill weird expectations.”

“But it’s not that. Not just... that. I asked about your perception of me because I really like you, Gra. I think we should be more than friends and I wanted to know what you think about me. And I want to know what the fuss is about, yes, but I’m not telling you that just so I can lose my virginity to prove some point. I’m telling you that because I like you, I want to kiss you, and I think it would be a great idea if you showed me what it’s like. Y-you know, sex.”

“I-I can’t believe it. Did you even have any movie in mind?” His smile’s back, but you’re still not confident about what his answer will be.

“I didn’t. I’m sorry. You don’t have to--”

He sighs. “I was in love with you the moment I first saw you, actually.” He says it like he’s releasing a huge load out of his back, his arms crossed. Now your eyes widen, and you hold your breath without even noticing. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I know how you feel, or, felt about relationships, so… there wasn’t any reason for me to tell you that. And what I said about being timid was just half of the truth.”

“Huh?”

“I also was really intimidated by how pretty you looked. You can’t imagine how.”

“No way.”

“It’s true. I felt like I wasn’t even worthy of looking at you, really.”

“You’re joking. That’s mean, Gra.”

“I’m not. I’m really not.” He doesn’t look like he is joking. He looks relieved. “I’m really not. That’s why I’m so surprised by your request.”

“I’m nothing special.”

“You are everything to me. But I can’t accept your offer, not now.”

“Are you… seeing someone? Am I too late?”

“No. Definitely not. I just want you to be sure you’re not doing it because people are saying you should.”

“Graham, I’m a grown woman.”

“I know.”

Graham carefully presses his slightly chapped lips to yours, kissing you for a few precious, heart stopping seconds before pulling away; his voice is impossibly silky when he suggests, “Let’s watch a movie. How about The Godfather? I heard it’s airing tonight. Then, if in two weeks you don’t change your mind, tell me and I’ll be glad to help you with what you want. Do we have a deal?”

“That’s so unfair. I want you so bad.” You whisper.

“Tell me if you still do in two weeks.”

You sigh, defeated. “...Deal.”

-

You definitely notice the subtle shift in Graham’s personality and actions after that fateful night. If you were already close, both figuratively and literally, it now seemed like he would use any excuse to always touch you, be near you, sometimes tease you. The shift was subtle, though, don’t forget it’s still Graham Coxon we’re talking about - the constant “is it okay if”s or “is it alright if I”s were still there, as careful as ever. You don’t even talk about your deal that entire time, or even kiss again - sometimes you wondered if it was even real or just a fabrication of your mind.

The way he now caressed your hand discreetly when you listened to Damon’s ramblings, the way his hands now went directly to your waist when your games became too handsy, the way he seemed to be madly in love with everything you were and still are from the start - made you realize you were ready for this man to be a consistent part of your life.

The dust of the controversy was settled, and your own intentions were 100% clear to you now. The societal pressure has waned. The need for Graham to be your first persisted. After exactly 2 weeks have passed, you call him again, yearning to share the answer with him.

One beep.

Two beeps.

Three beeps.

Four beeps. “Hello?”

You release a sigh hidden deep inside of your lungs. “Graham, it’s Y/N.”

“Oh. It’s been two weeks.” You could hear the contemplative tone of his voice.

“...Yeah. That’s precisely the reason I’m calling you.”

“Do you still want to…?”

“...Desperately.”

“Ok.” He chuckles, flustered as hell on the other side of the phone, probably one of the prettiest sounds you’ve ever heard. “Right. Ok. Your place or mine?”

“I think there’ll be an element of mystery if I go to your place this time.” You lose some of the constraints this silly shyness has been tying you on. “Do you have everything we might need there?”

“We don’t need a dungeon, you know.”

“The basics.” You make your smile heard.

“I do have… I do have the basics.”

“See you in a few minutes then.”

“Will you want to… ease into it? Or just go straight to it?”

“God, don’t make it awkward!” Your cheeks burn, your smile turning into contagious laughter. “Maybe… I don’t know. Ease into it, I guess? A movie night… but with s-something else?”

“Okay. Sounds good.”

“Alright then. See you.”

“See you.”

-

You don’t choose any particularly fancy or sexy clothes, instead settling for a slightly oversized yellow striped shirt he gave you as a birthday present some months ago and some skirt that fit you well. He wasn’t one to lavish his loved ones with gifts all the time, but few things were as precious as the look on his face whenever he saw you wearing something he gave you or, hell, even eating something he paid for you. You’re thrilled to see it again when he opens the door for you, it easing some of your deepest doubts.

2001: A Space Odyssey is already playing on the TV when you arrive. Despite it being one of your favorite movies of all time, and his, you’re not mad it was already halfway through when you arrived. It wasn’t your main priority to rewatch it for the 17th time tonight.

He offers you some wine, which you accept to ease the nerves. You sit on his couch, and he shares the cozy space with you, now mindlessly throwing one of his arms around your shoulders. You cuddle up to him, and everything seems peaceful in the world for a while.

The tip of his fingers softly caress your lifted knee, absentmindedly. You couldn’t help but notice how well his body fits with yours, how your skin was apparently made for him to touch, and the anxiety rumbles in your stomach like a storm in a wild wavy sea. After some minutes, you raise your head, his big brown eyes meeting yours as if asking you a silent question. You leaned up a bit more to press your lips to his, in a silent answer. The sweetness in him makes this moment as precious as every other moment you ever shared with him. His hands enter your hair, making you shiver a bit from the unfamiliarity and the electricity of it all - but it doesn’t sway you from deepening the kiss, wanting more of his taste, more of this, more of him.

“Do you wanna take this to the bed?” He whispers, after noticing your moans were becoming more frequent and needy. You nod, and you are taken by surprise when he carries you bridal style to it, hiding your excited giggles in his broad shoulders.

Graham wasn’t exactly the most organized man in the world - so the fact that his bedroom was now impossibly tidy was something that positively caught your attention. He put some planning into this. He lays you down and you part your legs, beckoning him to meet you between them. He does, and you go back to the breathtaking makeout session. You notice he’s holding himself back a bit, taking his time, his warm tongue moving smoothly, not hurriedly, against yours. His self control falters a bit though, given how he can’t stop grinding against you. You follow the rhythm of his hips a bit timidly and not nearly as in sync as you’d really like, though the pressure his covered cock is creating against your core can already be felt and some particular thrusts are able to fill at least partially the aching, wet need growing within you.

“How do you feel about oral?” He asks, breath warm near your ear, his voice raspy and spent by his desire for you.

“Um… It would be my first time receiving or doing it.”

“Would you like me to go down on you?”

“Wow. I never thought I would hear you saying something like that.” You smile, still assimilating the situation you’re in, trying not to show how badly his voice is affecting you. “Sure.”

“I never thought I would get to propose this to you. Aren’t we full of surprises lately.” He smiles back, warmly. He notices your hands trembling a bit from how anxious you are while you’re taking off your underwear with his help, and as he lowers himself to where you need him most, he takes your hands in his as an act of reassurance. “Tell me what you like. Tell me if what I’m doing works for you. I want this to be a great experience.”

“You want me to get addicted to you, that’s what you want,” He chuckles, lovingly kissing your thigh as a reply. “Okay, Gra. Guess I’ll find out along the way.”

You quickly take a peak below you to see the lower half of his face disappear in the middle of your thighs. The sight alone sets your fire ablaze, as he hooks his arms around your thighs and lifts you closer to his mouth, his lips ghosting over the curls between your legs tantalizingly and his breath catching when your hips jerk forward.

As he begins his ministrations, you immediately notice it’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt. That feeling was completely alien to you. It was even wetter than you expected, and weird, but powerfully pleasant. Before this exact moment, you had a firm belief that hardly anyone else would make you feel the same way, or better, than you do yourself, but apparently you were very wrong. Thankfully you were wrong. “My god,” you gasp as the flat of his tongue drags over your folds, too much and not enough, and you jerk at the contact. “This is great. So weird, but-- great.”

He moans at your response, his movements carefully enthusiastic. He works his tongue between your folds and traces up to curl the tip of it around your clit, and it’s quite endearing and madly arousing to see how he eats out you like you’re the sweetest and tastier dessert he has ever tasted. You involuntarily buck against him with a desperate sound the moment he moves his tongue and lips in a particularly wicked way, something that definitely doesn’t go unnoticed by him, but you still feel the need to highlight in case it didn’t - “That. Keep doing that, please,”

And he does. The building of this climax is also different than the ones you already had by your own hands, and is more coy. As he sees the drops of sweat sliding along your soft skin and the expressions on your face as you get lost in this new but enchanting sensations, his hesitation and self-control fades away; there’s nothing uncertain in the way he buries his face in your cunt now, nothing restrained in the groan he lets out as he devours you and drinks you down as if you’re the first stream of water he has seen in days.

His tongue glides deeper in your folds again and again, swirling up through the wetness you’re coated with to tease at your clit while he grunts and strains closer, squeezing your thighs with both hands tight. The wave of heat inside of you is cresting so fast, you don't even know how to tell him, how to signal that you’re nearly done for and, in the end, it happens too fast to even try. He sucks at your clit, circling it with his tongue, once, twice, and then you’re crying out, shaking underneath him, trying to keep your thighs from clenching too hard around his head as he laps you through it with with urgent whimpers and moans, as if he cannot have enough of you.

You’re still trembling when he rises, the look on his face revealing to you how proud he feels by making you feel this way. It looks so good on him.

You fail miserably at the simple task of connecting words together after that, choosing instead to collect your remaining strength, prop yourself up and beckon him again to keep kissing him and learn, through his talented tongue, how you taste. He kisses the thin fabric of the shirt at your chest that covers you from view, your throat, your jaw, and before he reaches your impatient lips, he notes, sinfully, “Seems like you enjoyed yourself, love.”

“That was… unbelievable. Stars, I want to make you feel good too. Please show me how.”

“Keep kissing me,” he begs, voice still strained from how aroused he is. “I want to be inside you so bad. Let’s get you prepared.” You’re still so sensitive, you tread on overstimulation when his fingers lightly touch your clit, making you break the kiss in a hiss. He traces a line on your folds, inspecting the impact his mouth had on you. “So wet for me.”

“Bit slower, Gra,” He complies to your breathy plea, his fingers now more tame as he slowly spreads your wetness throughout your pussy. He stretches towards the nightstand to grab a bottle of lube, interrupting his contact to spread some on his fingers before unhurriedly slipping his middle finger inside of you. The coldness of the gel makes you shiver in surprise, the easiness brought by it very welcomed. Again - the sensation is odd. Completely unfamiliar. The feeling of having something inside of you for the first time, going further than you ever dared to try, probing, exploring; the coldness of the lube clashing against your burning hot cunt. But it also felt nice. The focused look on his face was adorable, he looked like he was a scientist in the middle of very complex research.

Despite the panting, the messy hair and the fire in his eyes.

Your body already has a lot of new sensations to process simultaneously, so when he asks you to take off your bra and shirt so his tongue can work on your nipples - which you gladly accept, you feel like you’re on sensual overload. His tongue, again, so talented, takes your mind off the slight burning you feel when he introduces his ring finger to your soaked, throbbing core, his focused, carefully overpowering and constant stimulation driving you insane.

“Does it feel good?” He asks, voice muffled by your breast. You nod, carried by the wave of pleasure sweeping you.

“Yes. God, yes.” You pant, tangling your fingers tightly on his thick hair as an encouragement, a desperate sound escaping from your lips the moment he reaches a certain point within you you didn’t even know existed, hot mouth continuing to lick and suck your nipple. Even though you were spent by your last orgasm, he was indeed getting you addicted to those new feelings, and even though this was heavenly, truly heavenly, you needed more. “Gra, I’m ready, I think.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. Please.”

Releasing your nipple from his lips with a sounding pop, he eagerly frees himself from his trousers - hard as a brick - and puts protection and lubrication on, swiftly positioning himself between your thighs while stroking himself to the sight in front of him. You motion to take off your skirt, and he holds your hand, not letting you. “Don’t. It’ll be really hot to fuck you in this.” He confesses, giving your forehead a kiss in a very different context than before. He aligns his forehead with yours, each of your lips just barely touching while you breathe each other’s air. He looks deep into your eyes, slowly running the tip of his cock between the slick folds of your pussy, coating himself in the remnants of your pleasure. “Do you trust me?”

You trust me to know your limits? Not to go any further if you don’t really want me to?

“Absolutely.”

The only response you get from him is a shuddering, helpless moan into your mouth and you hold him tighter to you, grinding your still sensitive cunt up against his cock while he pulls hard at the soft fur next to your head. You feel your soaking pussy lips part around the solid curve of his length and gradually coat the underside of him in slick with every gentle circle and roll your hips make, as he finally pulls away from your mouth to drop his forehead to your neck. He then, very slowly, penetrates you, stopping when he hears the noises you make indicating you’re struggling to adjust to his presence. Out of everything you’ve felt in the last minutes, this was by far the most painful sensation. “This-- is new,” you note, your face completely incapable of hiding the discomfort. He also notices that.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”

“It’s okay. I’ll get used to it.”

“It’s not supposed to be about endurance, you know.” He says, a bit breathless and worried, caressing your hair. “Tell me when it’s okay to move. Or if you feel too much pain.”

After some long seconds and some deep breaths, you say: “Okay. Go on.”

“As you wish.”

He moves inside you at a very slow pace, the lubrication clearly making it easier for you to handle it. It still hurts, significantly, but the sensation of being filled is also surprisingly arousing.

His hand moves to your sensitive clit again in small, measured circles, your little moans being a mixture of the pain of penetration and the sheer ecstasy of seeing him falling apart because of you. The way his chest heaves while the drops of sweat start pearling his fair skin, the furrowed brows and broken groans, the thickness of him as he rests heavy up against your entrance, the way his voice presses deliciously tight in his throat as he gasps out into the quiet room - everything’s making your chest burst in love and satisfaction. You tighten your grip around him and roll your hips up into his cock, letting it break you open nice and slow; it stretches you wide with a deliciously sharp fullness and pleasure rips through you, and Graham becomes even more vocal as he picks up a steady and gradually faster pace. He turned all of your keys, it’s about time you turn some of his.

“Graham, deeper,” you whimper, continuing to tighten your legs and hoist yourself up, lifting your hips to take his cock deeper inside you. His name rips itself from your throat while Coxon clenches his jaw and starts to lose himself in the pleasure, holding you down into the bed while he allows your desperation to guide him to the perfect angle and speed to sate you. He found denying you to be impossible.

He snarls and curses as he holds you down and rails you, determined to make you sing again before he finishes, and to his delight, your heightened sensitivity gives him what he wants. And this time, he couldn't hold on.

Graham kisses you one last time as he groans and gives in, head dropping to your neck again. You didn’t reach a second climax, but stars, what an experience you just had.

When he comes back to himself enough to realise he still had you practically folded in half, he carefully pulls his softening cock free, taking the condom off and taking the strands of hair out of your face as you struggle to catch your breath. You suggest a shared bath, a suggestion he gladly accepts.

Too tired and too sore for pillow talk, comfortable silence falls as your hand finds his, and you lay, listening to each other’s breathing slowly settle.

I could get used to his little snore on my chest, is the last thought that twinkles on your mind before you fall asleep snuggled with him.