#i would apologize for the negative ones but

[velvees-archive]

Dual Destinies Spoilers (5-5)!

so what exactly did phoenix mean when he said he was sorry for everything he put edgeworth through?

a quick look at forums/reddit netted me the following interpretations:

he’s apologizing to edgeworth for ushering in the dark age of law and leaving him to deal with the aftermath

he’s apologizing for all the trouble edgeworth went through to help him get reinstated/vouching for the jurist system

neither of these feel quite right to me. the first point because phoenix says he's troubled miles for “eight years”, yet the dark age of law didn’t officially start until a year after he was disbarred (simon blackquill’s guilty verdict). this means the dark age would have only been in effect for seven years. also, shifting public opinion of the courts is edgeworth’s responsibility as the chief prosecutor, which he’d only been for about a year as of 5-5.

*granted, i wasn’t as locked in for dual destinies as i was for other entries in the franchise, so this could just be me not paying enough attention to when the dark age began.

i do think phoenix feels guilty for contributing to the public’s negative perception of the courts, so this interpretation still holds some merit, unlike the former half of the second interpretation, which doesn’t make sense at all. phoenix didn’t get confirmation edgeworth pulled some strings to get him reinstated until after 5-5’s resolution, when edgeworth openly admits it. the latter half is fine, but i don’t think it was specifically the jurist system he was referencing—one because “eight years” implies phoenix began work on the jurist system immediately after the gramarye trial and two because edgeworth’s response, “i’m sorry i wasn’t able to help you” contradicts the idea that phoenix's apology was related to his help with the jurist system.

so what is phoenix apologizing for? we know how terribly he was affected by losing his badge aka the focal point of his identity, which amplified his cageyness and bitterness tenfold. we know edgeworth was present in his life because he would fly phoenix and trucy out to europe while phoenix was disbarred. we also know from this dialogue that phoenix purposefully kept edgeworth from “helping” him (“nah. i was the one who made that decision”).

this leads me to believe the trouble he put edgeworth through was—on top of the agreeable parts of the two aforementioned interpretations—emotionally charged, angsty 7-year gap + lead up to his return anguish, wherein phoenix shut miles out and miles had to shove his way in, first trilogy phoenix style. and edgeworth’s apology, while seemingly related to phoenix’s badge, was also about him feeling like he hadn't done enough to aid phoenix during the lowest point in his life.

[dekariosclan]

Idk if this has been done before (apologies if it has), but do you have any thoughts on how our Wizard™️ might act/feel towards a plus size or chubby Tav? Like before or during the relationship?

No worries, anon! I have answered a similar ask about this, but I think your question is different enough to warrant a separate answer.

First and most importantly, I am 100% certain that Gale would love a plus size or chubby Tav the same as he would any other Tav. No question, no argument. And I can confidently say that because of the Mindflayer Tav romance ending, where Gale says this line:

Gale: “Your present condition is that you’re the one I love. And your current form is merely a reflection of the depths of your sacrifice. It only makes me love you more.”

There is simply no way that Gale—a man who can look at his beloved in Mindflayer form and proclaim his heartfelt adoration—would have any negative feelings about Tav being plus-sized, regardless of whether or not society deems it ‘undesirable’.

Here’s a quick rundown of how a romanced Gale would react to Tav in different scenarios:

Has Tav gained weight in a way that they are unhappy with?

Gale: “Your present condition is that you’re the one I love. And your current form is perfect. Every day that I am blessed by your beauty only makes me love you more.”

Does Tav have stretch marks, rolls, scars or other physical ‘imperfections’ they are insecure about?

Gale: “Your present condition is that you’re the one I love. And your current form is perfect. Every day that I am blessed by your beauty only makes me love you more.”

Has Tav expressed insecurity or self-loathing towards their size or how they look?

Gale: “Your present condition is that you’re the one I love. And your current form is perfect. Every day that I am blessed by your beauty only makes me love you more.”

And so on.

(Note: I do not cover God Gale in these scenarios because the question stated ‘Wizard’ Gale, but you can bet your ass God Gale would also love & worship a plus-size Tav.)

Now, there’s a key point I made in my previous answer that I also need to include here:

I do want to clarify—Gale does still recognize and appreciate the physical aspects of his beloved. Very much so, obviously, with his practiced tongue, his appreciation for Tav’s glistening muscles, and his (definitely thirsty) comment on Illithid Tav’s ‘moist tentacles.’

But all that’s a bonus in his eyes. That’s the result of his love for Tav; it’s not what made him fall in love with Tav to begin with.

So now we get to the *fun* part. Where plus-size Tav gets to turn Gale’s intelligent mind to jelly and send him directly to horny jail. Where Tav gets to torment the man who famously said, ‘You look…comfortable. What’s on your hind?—I MEAN MIND.’

Maybe Gale fantasizes about the way Tav’s hair flows over their curvaceous body; maybe Gale is driven wild over Tav’s soft tum. But my own personal HC is that Gale would be a thigh man—and the bigger they are, the better. On a plus-size Tav they’re the absolute perfect pillow for his head, he wants to live there, he has trouble keeping his eyes off them, etc.

If Tav wears armor that happens to show off a lot of leg, it’s going to be a hard bad time for Gale. He will be distracted in battle. There will be epic Freudian slips.

And if Tav wears the Wavemother robe or a similar thigh-enhancing outfit? Gods have mercy. Gale will have difficulty speaking coherently and difficulty walking. His face will be flushed at all times. After battle he will, ah, need to speak to Tav most urgently—now, please, if at all possible. Right now. In his tent. For a conversation. Please.

My point is this: Gale falls in love with Tav via their kindness towards him and their good heart, not via Tav’s physical features. But once Gale has fallen for Tav, and he truly takes the time to appreciate Tav physically?

It only makes him love Tav more.

[rapunzellovesbooks]

The way I just want to hug Luke Newton and apologize on behalf of the entire Polin fandom for the shit he had to go through over a f*** picture taken without his consent. Like, I get it was the crazies, but still. Being part of the Taylor Swift fandom and seeing how she disappeared for a damn year over a leaked video taken without her consent and taken out of context villainising her... I know it must have hurt. And we can say it was months ago and that he knows who his true fans are, but still, that stuff would affect anyone, specially someone as sensitive as he is. I usually mind my own business and do not ship real people, heck, I usually do not even go online and "protect" celebrities. I tend to just focus on the happy and celebrate the characters they play but something about that June 13th and the look on his face... it haunts me to this day. And I just feel very very bad for him still.

I am deeply aware of the fact that I know nothing about his life, not really. I only know about his feelings for Polin and Nicola, because he has spoken about them. I have access to the same amount of information as the rest of the world, the pictures and videos of their WT and behind the scenes, the interviews he has done. I do not know anyone in his life and I should not have to. Neither do I know Nicola. And hey, maybe it never happens. Maybe they are happy with someone else (I doubt it, but this is just a feeling I have) and their relationship remains unique and the millions of questions we have never get answered. My point is, I got into this fandom because seeing their bond brought me joy. I don´t think them having other people in their lives diminishes that, which is why the hate he got over one picture never sat right with me. I do not get how it affects someone´s viewing experience of a show. I do not understand why we are so focused on labelling people´s relationships, as if it is as easy as saying a pencil is pink or green. It makes me happy seeing their videos and waiting for crumbs. I have fun hoping that what I truly see as more than platonic feelings will come to fruition.

I write this because the world is in shambles right now. And the last thing anyone needs is to add more negativity to it. So, I hope that we can, in the Lukola fandom, be kind and focus on the good. I do not give a shit about paparazzi photos or whatever the "adjacents" or however you want to call them do. In fact, I have not once looked at A´s or JD´s SM, nor do I want to. They are human beings, but not the human beings I care about. Even if they are involved in Luke and Nic´s lives, I will never send them hate or bad mouth them. I have no idea what they are to them. All I know is what L and N have said about each other. And it has always been good. So, that is where I will be.

And, yes, I truly believe they will be together. And I will be happy with anything that suggests it so, cause this is supposed to be fun and joyful. I, unlike other people, do not label people as gf or bf UNLESS it comes directly from the people involved. And if anyone ever confirms or launches anything, I will still be here. Cause that is what shipping is. Not hate, not negativity, not putting other people down, not invading someone´s privacy, not thinking that a moment in time is forever (people break up all the time, there is no way to know if someone is still with someone if there was never a "launch" or whatever you want to call it).

It would make both Luke and Nicola sad to see that a connection that is supposed to bring people joy is putting people against each other. I know we were so well fed with content over so many months that now we hold onto every detail we have not dissected yet. I get it. I also miss them. But that is the way it is supposed to be. We are not supposed to know everything. We are just supposed to be grateful and happy for when something good related to them happens. That is all and that is my hope for this fandom.

Spread joy and leave the rest out of it. Spiralling only makes people dizzy. Let us "get some vision, bro" like Luke said.

Thank you for reading and, remember, be kind to one another.

[lillotte17]

The Music Room

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS‼- Do Not Read unless you have completed the Dread Wolf's Regrets quest!!!!

AN: I have not finished the game, so I don't know if this will actually be part of my canon yet, but the world is currently awful and I...needed to be making something. But as I said: I have NOT finished the game yet, so if you leave a comment (pls and thank) do NOT write anything with spoilers in it!!!

Okay, on with the show!

~

Rill finds Inquisitor Lavellan sitting at the harpsichord in the music room. All of the other rooms at the Lighthouse had seemed barren when they had first started using it as their base, and even this one had apparently been used as some sort of storage space -there was an alarming amount of cheese for some reason- but the quiet here feels different in a way that is hard to quantify. Peaceful, as opposed to desolate. The light pouring through the windows is always bright in here. Always warm. The murals on the walls were still vivid when they came. Colorful and new. The most prominent one bears the symbol of the Inquisition flanked by howling wolves.

The woman contemplating it does not look like the fearsome hero who closed a hole in the sky and stopped the southern half of the world from falling into chaos, though. She looks small. And tired. And sad.

Rill clears her throat, feeling awkward.

“So. Not trying to complain or anything, but when you asked to come here, you did say that you could help by giving us insight into Solas’ history and his way of thinking and… Well. You were pretty quiet in there while we watched those memories.”

“I know,” Aili sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry. I’m just… I knew some of it. Bits of things he told me himself. Things I figured out…afterwards. And I knew there would be more. More I didn’t know. He’s thousands of years old, so I knew that the story of his life would be more than what he had told me, but…”

“It’s a lot.” Rill hums in agreement.

“Bit of an understatement,” Aili snorts. Her gaze drifts down, and she runs her fingers over the instrument in front of her. “…I didn’t even know he played.”

“So, tell me what you do know,” Rill says, casually plopping down onto a nearby crate, “It’s probably more helpful than you think.”

“I know… I know that he hates tea.”

“Right. Noted. Probably shouldn’t offer him any of Lucanis’ coffee either, then.” Rill grins, folding her arms across her chest.

“Probably not,” Aili agrees, returning the smile faintly. “He has a sweet tooth, though. He loves books. Loves learning. And teaching, too. He was always happy to share stories about places he had been, or spirits he had talked to. He paints beautifully. And he sketches, too. He doesn’t laugh very often, but when he does, it’s…”

She trails off, her face creased with grief and faint traces of longing.

“I’m sorry.”  She says again.

Rill shakes her head at the apology but gives her a curious look afterwards.

“You said that Solas was important to you; I’m guessing you didn’t mean that you were just really good friends?”

Aili shrugs.

“I thought that we were…something.” She glances around the room again, eyes landing on the mural of the slain dragon and the mourning wolf above it. “Now I’m not sure if even that was true.”

“Is that something he would lie about?” Rill wonders, her eyebrows ticking upwards, “Because that would be some valuable insight. He doesn’t strike me as the sort to use seduction as a manipulation tactic, but he seems comfortable twisting the truth about everything else, so…”

Aili sits for a moment in silence, frowning in consideration before finally shaking her he in the negative.

“It’s… No.” She fumbles briefly. “I know that given…given everything we’ve seen, it might be hard to believe, but… He has a kind heart. Truly. He wants to do the right thing. He believes in justice, and he wants things to be fair. He wants to help people when he sees them suffering. And he blames himself when he can’t. He just…comes to the wrong conclusions, sometimes, and he struggles to ask for help when he needs it. He… There would be no reason to -no point- in lying about his feelings for me. I was already his friend, and I took his advice seriously. He had my ear and my protection. He wouldn’t get anything out of it unless his intention was to be needlessly cruel, and…he’s not like that. He isn’t.”

“Then why were you doubting that you had something?”

“It’s…complicated.” Aili sighs. “It’s about time, I think. Or at least, part of it is. He feels things deeply. Passionately. Even if you can’t tell which words he’s telling you are true, you can always tell when something matters to him. And this place… Mythal is everywhere. In every mural. In every room. Statues. Paintings. Symbols. Everything is about her. For her. Even now. Even after taking Flemmeth’s power and essentially killing her himself. His love for her, whatever shape or form it might have had, has colored every aspect of his life since the beginning of the world. And compared to that…”

She taps a single key on the harpsichord, letting out a high clear note.

“Mythal is the All-Mother. The Protecter. The bright and beguiling moon. And I…I am barely a candle flame.”

“You’re the Inquisitor. The Savior of the South. People still call you the ‘Herald of Andraste.’ You disbanded the Inquisition, and still managed to bring enough people together to hold back the darkspawn hordes while I fight the gods up here in the North. I think you might be selling yourself a bit short.” Rill says with a curl of her lips, trying to be kind.

“There will always be heroes, just as there will always be despots. I’m hardly unique in that respect.” Aili replies, striking another key. “A puny mortal striking back at false gods probably reminded him of his own past. His own struggles. Maybe that was it. Maybe there’s even something about me that made him think of Mythal. I don’t know. I don’t know what he saw in me. Or thought he saw. But look around. There are a few Inquisition symbols in this room, but beyond that… There is no trace of me in this place. Nothing he held onto. Nothing he felt was worth keeping.” 

Rill frowns. Fidgeting with her hands. Itching to pull out a blade to play with, but uncertain if the move would been seen as a threat.

“Sorry.” She offers after a few moments of silence. “I try not to talk to him very often, for obvious reasons. It’s still a bit creepy, if I’m being honest. Even if I did, though, I don’t think his romantic life would be something he’d be keen to tell me about.”

“It’s not your fault,” Aili assures her with a smile that does not reach her eyes, “He wasn’t keen to tell me either.”

“The Fade’s a funny place, though,” Rill says, gesturing at their surroundings, “I’m not always sure which bits of the things we’ve found here are from Solas, and which things we brought along ourselves. Lucanis found a book he used to read as a kid. Harding says she can smell her mom’s cooking sometimes. Neve said she can hear the sea when she wakes up in the mornings. Things like that, you know?”

The Inquisitor nods.

“Not surprising, given the nature of this place and the person who built it.” Aili says. “This was a refuge. For spirits and slaves fleeing tyranny. And for Solas himself, too. It wants to be welcoming. It wants you to feel safe.”

“It was different when we got here, though.” Rill tells her. “Bit empty. Bit sad. Lonely, almost.”

“Sounds like Solas,” Aili sighs, something close to exasperated fondness.

“This room though…” Rill sits up straighter, turning her head to glance at the sunlight painting patterns on the already painted walls. “It was always like this. It may be small and tucked away, but it’s honestly one of my favorite places in the Lighthouse. It’s always a little warmer in here. The sun’s always shining through the windows. The quiet in here feels like…comfort. Like home.”

“I feel like you’re trying to lead me somewhere, but I’m not sure where it is,” Aili chuckles.

“Well, you said it yourself, didn’t you?” Rill grins back at her, “This is the only room with Inquisition symbols in it.”

Aili blinks. Makes a face.

“There are also murals of Mythal in here. Because she’s everywhere.”

It is Rill’s turn to sigh.

“Maybe she is. Maybe he couldn’t escape from her. Maybe he never will. What she did. What she made him do. What was done to her. But the library with all his memories of her is big and dark and gloomy. And the statues of her are stiff and aloof and cold. And the little room upstairs he shoved a cot into to sleep is…just depressing, really.”

 She catches the older woman’s gaze. Holds it.

“It’s called the Lighthouse, but the beacon at the top isn’t where the light is. It’s not in some huge memorial room dedicated to Mythal. It’s here. There’s a chair with your seal on it, almost waiting for you to sit and watch him play. There’s the paintings on the walls. There’s… Look, when did this become me telling you about the Dread Wolf’s heart?”

“I have no idea,” Aili laughs in earnest this time.

“Really though, this is a good room. I like to sit and read by the windows in here sometimes. The light in here always makes be think of summer afternoons. The air has a sweetness to it, too. Something flowery. Heather, maybe. Or Lavender.”

Aili starts, her eyes going wide.

“What’s wrong?” Rill asks.

“You said it smells like lavender in here?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“It’s…the soap I use. For my hair. I always have.”

“Well, there you have it!” Rill grins in triumph. “He kept your memory here. Away from his regrets. Somewhere bright and happy. Well…as happy as Solas gets, anyway. Not too bad for a candle flame, eh?”

Aili laughs again.

“Thank you, Rook.”

[xtarmanderx]

I don’t ever post things like this here because this is primarily my writing side blog, but it feels too important not to say something.

I started writing 9-1-1 fics for the Buddie fandom and for a friend who was near and dear to me. I quickly left the fandom because of the mods for an event that I was participating in and how awful they were to one of my best friends that joined the event with me. That completely killed my desire to interact with the Buddie fandom at all and I don’t know if I will ever finish posting the fic that I poured my heart into for said event. Because that fic is fully done, but those encounters with those fans made me never want to write Buddie again.

And then Tommy Kinard came along.

And holy fuck, I fell in love with him so fast. I immediately rewatched the show after he reappeared in season 7 because I was so fascinated with his character. And then I fell in love with Lou Ferrigno Jr. and began watching S.W.A.T. just to get glimpses of him and I grew to love that show and its characters, too. And I read his interviews and saw how happy he was to be back on the show and it made me happy, too.

Then I saw all the hate and negativity.

It filled me with so much anger and I blocked so many people across so many different forms of social media so I no longer had to see it. All I wanted was to surround myself with positivity.

Because I’ve been that bitch.

There are people no longer in certain fandoms because of me and I’ll never be able to apologize enough for the ways that I hurt them. Sorry will never be enough to mend those bridges that I poured kerosene on.

It’s why I’ve stayed in my corner and all of my fic comments have been generic, which isn’t who I used to be. I used to engage and leave long comments, but honestly I’ve been terrified to try and join any new community. Because I am fucking terrified of reverting back to the person I never want to be again.

My best friend started watching the show again after I went to his house for dinner and had him watch the BuckTommy kiss episode with me. The last five minutes of that episode, I told him to put his phone down and pay full attention and he was completely engaged and was so happy to see another queer couple onscreen. It gave us something else to bond over every week as we would watch and text about what was happening.

Tonight’s text:

This coming from a gay man who does not engage in fandom spaces at all and who felt blindsided, too. Like so many of us did.

I immediately started writing a fix it fic because that’s who I am. I want to write the endings I want to see. And then I stopped writing and sent Lou a message directly because I needed to get something off my chest.

I was raised in a broken home. Raised by racists who belittled me endlessly and have told me within the last couple of years that I am their least favorite child. I am the youngest of 6. That shit was heartbreaking. It’s a wound that will never heal. But why am I bringing it up? Why does that matter?

Because I saw myself in Tommy. I saw a character who represented the worst parts of my youth, who spouted hateful things my parents taught me to say and then spent years having to unlearn those things. Lou talked about his own ideas about Tommy’s past and it struck so close to home for me. Because Tommy showed he was capable of change. And I did, too. It took therapy and years of reflection and being hyperaware now of the shit I say and having to constantly stay on top of my own thoughts and correct them.

I have been dating a woman of color for the last 9.5 years and she’s the love of my life. She has been there through every stumble and stayed even when my passive aggressive inclinations got the better of me. And I saw so much of myself reflected in Tommy Kinard’s character and Lou’s portrayal of him and saw our relationship in Buck and Tommy, too.

Tonight hit me so much harder than expected. And this probably seems like a jumbled mess of thoughts, which it is, but I needed to get some things off my chest and out into the world.

This is not the week that so many of us were expecting. This hurt. We’re allowed to be upset and need time to process. I sure as hell do.

But I do want to say a heartfelt thank you to anyone who has brought joy and friendship to this fandom. The fics that have been written are amazing and the art has been fantastic. I’ve seen some people make lifelong friends in the past few months thanks to this. It sure as hell strengthened some of mine.

So, if you need a friend right now, know that I’m here. I’ve been subdued for a while, but I refuse to lose out on more joy in my life. Not when we all desperately need it. So I’m here for you.

And please remember to be kind. Don’t let anyone take that superpower away from you.

[0mysticmidnight0]

Do you have any head cannons for Yandere! turtles x Reader with mood swings? Mood swings are abrupt changes in mood/emotional state :D

Note: Amazing request, I am a little rusty for writing the turtles since I have not posted about them for a while.. BUT! I will give my all. I'll be doing them individually!

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LEO

- There's two sides to him in this case..

- What I mean is.. when he's feeling up to it, he'll tease you. If anything he could tease you for hours on end. The whole day if he could. Sometimes it goes too far and he'll have to apologize. It's not always easy for him, but he still does it.

- he can be a bit.. much sometimes but when he sees you getting angry or feeling sort of negative emotion, he'll be quick to turn your frown upside down.

- He also finds it funny whenever you could go from being happy to weeping so quickly..

------------------------------------

You were looking at the bowl you dropped onto the floor. The whole day you were acting like clutz.. tripping three times on your way here.. walking into a glass door.. and slipping on some very questionable goo in the sewers, today was just NOT your day..

Before you could blow a fuse, Leo stepped in and hugged you from behind. "Ayy.. Mi Amor, you've been off your game lately, guess I wouldn't mind going out of my way to take of this mess, being the world's best boyfriend and all.. ", he says while nuzzling into the crook of your neck.

"Plus, that bowl was old anyway.. It was bound to break at some point. You were doing us a favor. How bout I clean this up and we can watch that show you like?" He shoos you off to the couch while he cleaned up the mess.

While you watched a movie.. You were crying for while because your favorite character died and proceeded to yell at the the projector while Leo held you back. He loves you to bits.

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RAPH

- I feel like he'd always want you to feel a positive emotion, he'll sorta panic when you feel something negative.. probably start gentle parenting you..

-it annoys you a bit but he really doesn't know what to do that he goes to his default settings.

-would probably panic one time and just hug you very tightly. It surprisingly calmed you down.

------------------------------------

So you got upset at a bad test/quiz you failed that you've studied all night for.. Raph didn't know what to do.. so he sorta.."Y/N I understand you're upset.. how about we start counting to 6, okay..?" He says as he shows you his six fingers. "alright, one.. two three.. breathe in.." (someone tell me I'm funny..)

He gives you a smile and then Practically smothers you with kisses and cuddles.. in his fort of teddy bears!! After a while when you've calmed down, he'll ask if he did a good job.. He loves you to bits.

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DONNIE

- he does try to stay on your good side but most of the time, he's just looking for a fight.

-if you're angry, he'll argue with you, it's a good way to challange himself. He will apologize after.. not verbally.<3

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After a while of hanging out, You were bored and well, Donnie suggested a certain game.. "Y/N, that's not how chess works.." he says while pointing out your move. You glare at him. He was constantly correcting you and every moved he'd say things like.. ",Are you sure?" Or "Yikes.."

Proceed to after a long argument.

It's been a few hours of ignoring him.m a day or two actually and in the late of night, you heard something.. when you turned, you saw your window open and then,

You saw a note saying you weren't entirely wrong. And your newly fixed phone you broke a few days ago. He loves you to bits.

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MIKEY

- He's always in a positive mood so he's a bit surprised but also intrigued? He'd check and know which things trigger you and avoid them.

- you didn't realize but you were always in a positive mood when you were with Mikey.

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You were playing in the arcade with Mikey and you kept losing round after round. After around. "Y/N, are you okay? How about we go play again but then again you might lose again- NO! I mean- let me make you something! Sit down and uhh, I'll be quick to make something! Wait you hate waiting.. I'LL BE QUICK!"

You tugged him closer to you and held him. After a small confrontation about what's going on.. he admitted to not wanting to trigger your negative Emotions.. you explained that it was healthy and normal. he loved you to bits.

--------------------------------------------------

Hope you enjoyed!

Yours truly,

MysticMidnight

[honeyjars-sims]

3.36 Left the Building

Later that night, I remember what Lexie said about not letting any opportunities to get away from me and decide I should try to find a way to get Lacey alone.

I just can't find the right moment. It seems like one of us is always heading off into our tent for a nap or busy eating or caught up in conversation with someone else.

It doesn't help that Lexie keeps looking at me expectantly. It feels like everyone else is waiting for me to make my move and having all eyes on me just adds to the pressure.

At one point we're all gathered around the campfire when Lacey starts asking Paul about school.

"Are you planning on staying at Foxbury for med school?" she inquires.

"No, actually I was accepted into Sequoia State," he explains. "I'm going to take my last few courses at Foxbury over the summer, then I'm moving here in the fall."

"Oh, that's cool! I guess we'll be seeing you around more then."

I feel my stomach drop a bit and decide I should intervene before Lacey and Paul start making plans together. Lacey starts coughing and I seize the opportunity.

"I could use some fresh air," I break in. "Sounds like you could, too, Lacey."

"Yeah, that would be nice," she replies, and we walk away from the others.

"I hope you don't mind that I singled you out, but I thought you could use a break from the smoke," I tell her.

"Oh, no, that's fine," she responds. "Actually, I was hoping we would get the chance to be alone."

"You were?"

"Don't act so surprised," she says, a smile spreading across her face. "I thought it was obvious I was into you."

"Well, I guess I wasn't sure. Actually, I thought you might be interested in Paul."

She wrinkles her nose. "Paul? He's nice and all, but he's not really my type. He can be kind of a dork sometimes."

"He's not that bad," I say before realizing I'm defending the guy I've been insecure about. "Anyway, what is your type?"

"Well, I like a guy who can make me laugh. Someone who's comfortable being himself and goes for what he wants."

This would be the perfect moment for me to ask her out or kiss her or something, but none of that happens. Instead we're interrupted by the ungodly sound of someone retching their guts out behind us.

We turn to see Lucy hunched over and violently expelling the contents of her stomach onto the ground. Any chance of a romantic moment happening tonight is effectively ruined.

We walk back towards the others, who are gathered around Lucy in concern.

"Are you okay?" Paul asks her. He runs down a list a symptoms but Lucy denies that anything's wrong.

"I'm fine, really," she insists, like she hadn't just recreated a scene from The Exorcist in the middle of the woods.

"Oh, so you expelled the demon, then?" I ask.

"Yes, Pazuzu has left the building."

In the morning we start packing up and prepare to leave.

"So did you do it?" Lexie asks, referring to me asking Lacey on a date.

"No. I was about to, but then Lucy...you know. Kinda ruined the moment."

Lexie laughs. "Yeah, that would do it."

"But look, I need you to lay off a bit about Lacey," I say, kindly but firmly. "I know you mean well, but it's a lot of pressure."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I know I'm being overzealous. I just want you to be happy."

"And I will be. I am. I had a rough few months, but I'm in a really good place right now."

"That's great! I guess I just felt guilty about everything. I hate that I hurt you."

"I know. But I don't even think about that much anymore. I mostly think about how much you cared about and supported me. Maybe your feelings for me weren't romantic, but they were still real."

"They were, and still are. You're like the brother I never had, and I miss you like crazy." She's starting to tear up, and I know now that whatever negative feelings I had about our breakup are gone. They left the building with Pazuzu.

"I miss you, too. I don't like not having you in my life." I wrap my arms around her. It feels nice having her in my arms again, but it's not a romantic feeling. It's more like the comfort of an old friend.

"I really do love you, Johnny."

"I love you, too, Lexie."

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[brittlebutch]

the thing is, you’re absolutely right! because what neurotypical people sometimes don’t understand is the massive difference between the average level of social interaction that they themselves vs other people get outside of organized or scheduled events like work or school, and also don’t understand the massive difference between what failure looks like, and how those two things overlap. i’m told that among the average neurotypical person, they’ll make a point to talk to people in their lives or hang out with friends or go on dates or chat with other people in public spaces, al to have casual interactions, multiple times a day, multiple days a week. meaning, if they have a failed social interaction, it’s buffered by the many successful interactions they’ll go on to have. failure most likely won’t mean complete isolation, because they have multiple avenues of interaction to fall back on. and, moreover, a failure in a social interaction when you have (on average) fewer than most means that now rather than that person going “oh that was a weird interaction, i talk to them a lot and it’s not usually like that, maybe it was an off day” they go “huh i don’t know that person very well maybe they’re just like that?”, which means that the odds are way different on whether relationships stay good after mistakes.

social skills are not actually as inherent as neurotypical people like to think. it’s just that when you’re always in practice, always getting back on the proverbial horse, the advice “just get back out there!” does actually work very well. but if you’re not able to do that for any variety of reasons, you can’t play the game the same way. my advice is not “try harder”, it’s “lower your expectations for yourself on what a good interaction and a moment of connection might be”. just as it’s possible you’re somehow unintentionally upsetting people, it’s possible you’re unintentionally making them feel happy, or valued, or heard, even in small, passing interactions. remind yourself that you’re working with fewer resources and a much more limited data pool. a lot of the advice being given is coming from someone who assumes they understand what the math looks like for you, because it’s very difficult to imagine that other side. so instead of trying to overlay a system made for someone who has resources that you just don’t have, you need to figure out what a functional system of interaction looks like for you, and adapt the advice given to fit your situation. my advice, bearing that in mind, is that finding communities and groups can look like a lot of different things, and getting your social needs met can come from a lot of sources, and ideally should! you would understand best what your situation is, and there’s no shame in changing tact to accommodate for your own needs and boundaries.

forgot to answer this for a bit lol BUT yeah, the post was a little bit more about the Conceptual argument than it was about me specifically, so I'm definitely already with you re: 'finding out what your Individual social goals are and working based off of those instead having high expectations based off of other people's metric' stuff. You definitely have a huge point with the "social buffer disparity" between NT people and ND people, where failures are both less demoralizing internally and less impactful externally when you're able to have a greater average of interactions generally also

but I really appreciated the "just as it’s possible you’re somehow unintentionally upsetting people, it’s possible you’re unintentionally making them feel happy, or valued, or heard, even in small, passing interactions" aspect of this message. I do definitely have a recurring problem of like, labeling Myself as an Uncanny Valley Person and automatically assuming that every interaction I'm involved in must be some level of uncomfortable for the other person -- it actually was kind of a revolution moment reading this and realizing that OH it does make sense that if I can unintentionally make people uncomfortable, it's statistically just as likely that I can unintentionally lift people's spirits in one way or another! So thank you very much for that!!

[penultimate-step]

Oshi no Ko 145 Reaction

Live Crow Reaction

I debated if I even wanted to do a chapter react for this one, I did for the last two and this is a series I generally have a lot of thoughts about, but perhaps I was spoiled by how those chapters were deeply concerned with the character arcs for Ruby and Aqua, some of my favorite parts of the manga.

This one instead focuses on our mysterious crow girl, Tsukuyomi. Which is good, she has desperately needed some fleshing out, but....hmm. It feels very strange to go from essentially net zero information to having her whole backstory and thoughts about the other characters dropped on us all at once. The fact that the backstory is so completely out of left field just makes it worse. Like. Okay, so crow girl is....an actual crow? sure, let's go with that?

Would I be taking lethal amounts of copium to think this might be some kind of metaphor? I don't think it is because that would be too misleading for what OnK usually does but like. what is this development here.

I think the main reason this bothers me is because it feels incredibly one-sided. The hints that crow girl's previous life had a connection to the siblings was interesting, and spurred speculation on what the nature of that relationship was, but the actual answer here seems kind of...the least impactful way to go about it? It would have felt Weird and fanfic-y to suddenly introduce a random OC who was important to both Gorou and Sarina in their past lives, given that their isolation and loneliness were kind of key to their characters. But introducing a literal animal in the role feels kind of like a cop out. You want a character who could be seamlessly inserted into the character's backstories, without changing the trajectory of their arcs whatsoever? okay, she's the stray bird they met that time. In essence, it means Tsukuyomi gets to have a connection to Ruby and Aqua, but they don't have one with her. It's one sided.

Which, if I'm being charitable, could be the point - another way to explore the themes explored in previous chapters of people having different views of others. A crow viewing the pair from a distance without even being considered a peer could be an interesting counterpoint to previous thoughts on placing idols on pedestals - a god looking down at people condescendingly, even more so.

By the fact that she sees them as kids, even Gorou, who was in his thirties, it's clear that her view of them might be divine, but it sure isn't objective. But that's getting back into the supernatural elements of the series that I don't have any explanations or context to talk about.

I don't know, I can find explanations and ideas that make me think this could be cool when thinking optimistically but when speaking honestly I'm not super enthused by the execution in these few pages. And this is meant to be a reaction, not an analysis, so even if it isn't super professional of me I'll leave my conflicted thoughts up in the post.

This isn't a terrible revelation, I don't think this ruins the manga forever or anything, but it does feel like a bit of a wasted opportunity right now. makes me feel a little down about the chapter. But this is a serial, there's still time to make this all come together, in many different possible ways. Who knows, maybe in a few months after this arc wraps up I'll be talking about how crow girl is my new favorite character.

[pikonv5]

my job wants me gone so bad , like 1 month in and they have already brought out their no effort in communication and gaslighting full force, and telling me much of the work I am doing is wrong and accusing me of not doing the basic things like stocking, that I try so hard and am sure to keep up with being the only person working at a time? like if they are going to do this at least do it while i am on the clock..

[theradicalace]

i just think it's so funny that when *i* lash out and start bitching *about* management to my coworkers because of a stressful day at work, i get pulled into the office to discuss my attitude, but when a manager lashes out and bitches *at me* because of a stressful work day, i get a halfassed "oh sorry, but-" and i'm expected to roll over and take it.

[dandyshucks]

the reason i brought any of this up is because I really appreciate this space and enjoy it a lot, and I'd like to help keep it safe and comfortable for everyone !! This is not me trying to stir up negativity of any kind - I'm actually hoping to do the opposite of that. I tend to keep to myself for the most part but I don't want to let things fester, y'know?

I'm hoping that by bringing it up in an open (and hopefully non-shaming) way, I can help to cultivate a space where we feel safe and don't feel like we have to watch our backs all the time. I don't want people feeling like one wrong move will get them ex-communicated or something (but maybe that's just a personal paranoia of mine that nobody else shares ^^;;), and I don't want anyone feeling left in the dark and wondering if they're doing something wrong or that people don't like.

This feels like a very silly post to make because at the end of the day I really am sort of a nobody in the community (not to mention, I have zero authority in any sort of way dsfjkl) and I'm far too socially anxious to step outside of the bubble I have currently, but ... I'd like to do what I can to make this a good bubble I guess fsdkl

[highraccoon]

it's so fun when the people who took everything from you claim to be the real victims. like, y'all want to dump a years-long friendship in a dumpster fire just cause you're in a romantic relationship and that's the only thing that matters to you, go fucking ahead. but don't pretend to be the victim when you were the one who destroyed it.

you don't get to take literally everything from me and claim that you were the real victim when the only thing you didn't take was the skin off my bones.

[yooniesim]

Girl... I aint reading all that

[elytrafemme]

all the shit about content creators being outed as groomers is so fucking exhausting b/c i think a lot of people fail to understand the effects grooming has on people and what it looks like. because you’ll see victims defending themselves trying to explain that yes this counted as grooming to an audience composed of this ignorant mass of people that do not care, and it’s hard to see that and then look at your own experience and ask yourself. do i have to fight to defend this, too? it didn’t look like these other people’s experiences. because my groomer wasn’t a celebrity, he was just a person, and these people have to fight so hard to show that there’s a power difference with these abusive streamers and youtubers, but what if my groomer didn’t have that? like it’s just very distressing and i am attracted to it like a moth to a flame for any semblance of solidarity but every piece of it just reminds me. if tens of people have to step up to call this person shitty, with receipts and everything. then what do i have to do. you know? 

[salsflore]

ummmm