#i worry that this could be offensive like i'm implying that it's too ~foreign~ for me to begin to understand

[hannieehaee]

EUPHORIA (teaser)

18+ / mdi

summary: you've been inseparable with jungkook from the moment you landed in korea. from the initial language barrier to your group's immense success, you've remained dubbed as an iconic duo. but what will you do when a single moment changes everything between you?

content: idol!jungkook x idol!reader, f2l!jungkook, 8thfemalemember!reader, afab reader, reader is implied to be a foreign member of bts but you can assume all dialogue is supposed to be in korean, pretend this takes place during 2018/19 while they promoted fake love in the u.s, appearances from the other members, pining, miscommunication, dumb insecurities, smut, dry humping, body worship, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)

wc: 1.6k (teaser); 12.5k (full fic)

RELEASE DATE: december 22nd

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a/n: this was not fully proofread cuz it took me veryyy long to finish, so pls excuse any small mistakes<3

masterlist | patreon

"That's not how you're supposed to do it."

You sighed, movements halting and your eyes closing in annoyance.

Turning to face the culprit of the comment, you reopen your eyes, ready to snark at the exact person you were expecting.

"Do you have to be the bane of my existence?"

He chucked at that, nodding at you to turn and face the mirror located behind you once more. It was foggy due to the inhuman amount of heavy breathing exchanged in the practice room, but you could still easily make yourself on it. And Jungkook too, of course.

Standing behind you, — with an offensive lack of distance between your bodies — he grabbed onto your arms from behind, helping you position yourself to perfection, even to the exact inch, of the move you were trying to perform. His eyes found yours on the mirror, giving you a short smile before beginning to guide you through the small transition you'd been struggling with.

"See? Like that," he said once finally letting go of you after walking you through it a few times. By the end, you had gotten it as perfectly as your choreographer had described to you a few hours ago.

"Thanks, Kook."

"Thought I was the bane of your existence?", he chuckled as he bent down to collect a water bottle, taking a sip before handing it to you.

You were usually more worried by boy germs than this, but Jungkook proved to be an exception through the past few years.

You swallowed your sip, "Yeah, but I still have manners."

"C'mon, we should head back to the dorms. You've been at this all day. You beat Jimin at hours logged into the practice room this week," it was meant lightheartedly, but it was true. You'd practically been living here for the past few days.

"Where are the guys?", you wondered out loud as you followed him out.

The dorms, as Kook had called them, were really just a small living space located within the building. There were talks of moving onto a larger building within the next couple of years, but for now you were content with your living arrangements. Despite all of you either owning property or having family outside of the company building, you and a few other members usually opted to stay there due to convenience. You and Jungkook were the main ones to do so.

"Well, we technically have the next few days off, so I'm pretty sure they went visit family while they can. We probably won't be back in Korea for a while after promotions start."

It was true. You were soon due to head to America to promote your newest comeback. This was the first time you'd be taking promotions out of Asia and into the west, which made all of you incredibly anxious. As the most fluent English speaker in the group, the task of being the group's representative should've fallen on you, but luckily Joon had decided he'd be taking the brunt of it for you.

Still, you were terrified to open yourselves up for a way bigger audience.

"You good?" Kook interrupted your thoughts.

"Yeah, Kook. Don't worry about it."

The two of you headed over to the elevators, pressing the button leading you to the floor where your rooms were located. It was likely no one else was in the building at this time — holy shit, was it really 3am? — meaning that you and Kook would likely get some well-deserved rest in the privacy of the dorms.

That was one of the few nice parts of belonging to what once was a very small company. You had no sibling groups as of yet, which kind of made you own the place (or at least that's how Taehyung would put it sometimes). Late at night, it was just you and your group mates with the occasional presence of staff. Though more commonly, it was just you and Kook opting to stay together into the depths of the night.

"Nervous about flying to the U.S?", he voiced when the metal doors closed in front of you, caging you in with your friend.

"Maybe. You're not?"

He shrugged, "It's just like any other performance. You should be the least nervous. You speak English. You already know what America's like."

"Me? I'm the only girl in the group. I'm gonna stand out like a sore thumb," you whined, earning a chuckle from him.

It was a rare situation, being a girl in a group full of men. Other co-ed groups existed within Kpop, but they usually held a better boy-to-girl ratio.

But this wasn't really the reason you were nervous.

Opening yourselves up to an entire new audience within a mere five years since debut was an entire new battle you'd have to face. Worst of all was that no other Kpop group had ever truly promoted in the west before now. You were given accolades as trailblazers, but at what cost?

"Hey," Jungkook called your attention again, gesturing you to follow him into the hallway that would lead you to your room, "C'mon, let's find something to take your mind off of this."

Leading you into his room rather than yours, he sat you on his couch as he went back out to peruse the kitchen of any food he could get for the two of you for an impromptu night indulging yourselves. You relaxed as you waited, appreciative of Jungkook immediately noticing your lack of ease and working towards getting you cooled down again.

He always did have a way of being in tune with your emotions that no one else did.

His room was spacious and tidier than the average for a man in his early 20's. It was common for you to spend time here rather than in your own room. You had always been one to wander in search of your bandmates, and Jungkook just so happened to be the most receptive to it of them all.

The click clank of bottles bumping into each other was your first indicator of his return, making you look up from the couch, unable to withhold a smile when you saw him balancing various bottles of soju in his arms while also attempting to carry a few packets of spicy ramen.

Getting up to help him, you aided him in setting down all his snacks on the coffee table, moving aside any remote and controller that was in the way. Your usual set up was established then, as it had countless times before. It consisted of you and Kook on his old couch (that he refused to replace from the old days in which you could barely afford any luxuries) with a variety of alcohol and snacks accompanying you through the night.

He took a seat on the floor while you remained on the couch. It was common for him. Something about being at optimal proximity to the food on the table.

"We've got two more nights left in Korea. What do you wanna do to spend the time? And no, practicing isn't allowed," he interrupted you before you could respond.

You huffed, shoulders slacking before going back to their usual posture, "Well, then I guess just this."

"Just this? My dorm and some soju?"

"Yep. We're going to be overwhelmed by people and schedules as soon as we leave Korea. Might as well enjoy the quiet alone time," you reasoned.

Jungkook hummed in pensiveness, "Does it really count as alone time if it's together?"

"I like my alone time better when I'm with you," was your response.

And you meant it too. The quiet sometimes became too quiet if Jungkook wasn't around. You'd known him since you were 15 and had been unable to imagine an existence without him since.

It was joked around by members and fans alike, that the two of you were attached to the hip. Some people would even call you a dynamic duo due to how often you were together with no distance between you. Of course, you were shipped and speculated as a couple, but that did nothing to deter your friendship.

Had you been a smarter person, you would've noticed Jungkook's bashful smile at your response. But you'd grown so used to his constant company that the idea of anything further than platonic did not compute in your brain. You weren't even sure if you were opposed to it; it was just nonexistent to you. It was as if he'd spawned as your friend one day and you never once stopped to question it.

"Well, let's enjoy it while we can," he finally responded as he handed you a now-opened bottle of soju.

Clanking bottles, you each took a small swing, settling in for a night that you'd likely not spend sleeping. You settled closer to Jungkook after that, letting yourself slide off the couch snd knocking shoulders with him as you took a seat on the softness of the rug under you.

"What do you wanna do to spend your last few nights of freedom?" you asked after some silence.

"I'll do whatever you want," his head fell to your shoulder, "We can just camp in here til they come get us for our flight on Monday."

You hummed in absentminded agreement, sipping at your drink a little more.

Jungkook turned to look at you then, slight bunny smile showing through.

"So, is tonight a blackout drunk night or do you wanna stay up and watch some movies?"

"Hmm. Maybe a mixture?", you suggested.

With a grin, he raised his bottle for yet another clink before taking a drink from it in tandem with you.

...

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[daffythefox]

the song starts with "I wish that i could wear hats without looking like a little lad/little league dad/guy named chad". like, he's making fun of himself. like when someone says something about you that gets to you in a way but you have to laugh it off.

the next few lines are "but it seems my head will have to stay without a bowler or beret lest someone sees me and they say 'is that his style of a bad cosplay?'" these things people say to him Do get to him. he's making fun of himself trying to be on the right side of the joke but there is a lot of truth in what he's saying. the things these people say get to him, bc it influences him to not even try to wear hats to avoid ridicule.

"I wish i had no fears about looking like I have no ears or like I haven't left my house in years or I have strong opinions about beers, or looking like I got confused in the middle of dressing for a steampunk con" he calls them what they are: fears. he is afraid of what others will think and that drives him to not stand out to avoid that fear becoming true.

"or looking like I look too long in the mirror every time I put a new hat on" this is where the song starts to take a turn. He's no longer saying his surface level responses, he's getting into the meat of it. He's not only afraid that other's perception of him will be wrong superficial need-jerk reaction, but he's worried they may realize he cares. Additionally, this implies he does look too long in the mirror every time he puts a new hat on. That he puts on the hat and then goes down every line of dialogue to try and figure out if there's any nitpick someone will say about him. He's trying to stay one step ahead of people, to avoid at all costs being the butt of a joke, even a lighthearted one.

"Wondering why do I look so bad — or not bad, but sad that this hat won't look like I had a plan for this cap, to capitalize on how my face looks, my body this size" he has an impulse to self-depricate, a "if I say I'm stupid first then if you think I'm stupid I'll be self-aware about it and on top of it and I'll be in on the joke" when, in reality, nobody was thinking you were stupid. He doesn't normally wear hats, so when he looks in the mirror, his eyes are drawn to the new thing, and he over analyzes it. He's worried the hat won't compliment his physique enough, that he needs to wait to find a perfect hat that will fit just right and make him feel nice, but that hat will never come because whenever he puts on a new hat, his first impulse is to doubt it and then go back to the safe option, not wearing a hat.

"My eyes in my skull, this hat on my hair, the eyes that look at the things that I wear" the eyes in his skull the hat on my hair, the eyes are in him, fixed, they belong, the hat is on him, easily knocked off, new, foreign. the eyes look at the new parts of him, and the eyes discard them. this feels to me like maladaptive behavior! You've been ridiculed in the past for superficial things, and now those older parts of you ensure you have a presentable, pristine, safe, benign image that is not *you* (if it was, you could be criticized, and in the past, that has not gone over very well). Those older parts become ingrained in us and it gets harder and harder to try to unlearn them and just wear a fuckin hat out for once without worrying that your friends are gonna tell one joke about it and you're going to have to smile at the time and then you go home and throw the fucking hat away and go back to having a completely non-offensive face you use in front of everyone so they always like you and they never get to know the real you and you're safe and isolated and fucking alone.

"And how does it look? And how do I look? And how can I look how I look and not care?" you know when you say a word so many times it stops sounding like a word? You've done that with your appearance, studying yourself in the mirror and trying to figure out if the hat looks normal on you. Fuck, what looks normal on you? anything? You've looked at yourself so long in the mirror that your face triggers an uncanny valley sensation. The change from 'how does it look' to 'how do I look' highlights the attempt to integrate the hat (it) into himself (I). but he's having trouble doing that because he's so quick to second-guess himself. This is pushed further with the second half, we put in all this effort to put up a face and now we're going to ruin it with a hat? This seems both ridiculous (one hat isn't going to make all of our friends hate us) but also... it's just a hat. is it worth all that trouble just to wear a hat once? on the other hand... it's just a hat, if we can't wear a hat because we're worried what other people may think of us, there's a lot of other shit I'm not going to be able to do because I'm worried about what others might think! How the fuck do other people just do what they want with themselves without worrying constantly about what other people think of them??

"Comparing my clothes with others much closer to their own goals or some sort of closure, how do they do what they want and look planned?" Other people wear hats and they look fine. Why is it just fucking me? The real answer is that it's not just you, that person started wearing a hat and it was weird at first but they kept wearing it despite that and now they look normal. They do what they want and look planned because they can get over that hump, and I just can't give up that control I have over my own appearance. Wear a hat and let other people come to their own judgement? Be okay with others thinking my hat looks odd for a bit? How?

"I come to you now, my hat in my hand" How the fuck do other people not obsess over every interaction they ever have? I try not to and then that makes it so I fuck up and I end up doing it more anyways, and then that ends up reinforcing it. This anxiety causes me to have more anxiety. I just want to start from the beginning and be fine.

"I wish that I could wear hats without sparking something to recall" What he was talking about before, 'a little lad/little league dad/a guy named chad" people who don't mean anything will make those kinds of jokes at your expense because they think they're just being funny and that it's not a big deal, when those jokes are what keep you in this spiral of anxiety. I wish they would stop making those jokes like that so I can just try to take a step in the right direction without being shoved back into my comfort zone.

"I wish that I could wear hats without looking any way at all." I wish that I could just be without having to weather criticism. No matter what I was wearing. That line itself is just so poignant that there's not a lot I can say about it.

A couple more things before i end this. This song is edited so there is no place to breathe, which adds to the stream of conciousness feel, while also adding to the anxiety aspect of it. Additionally, it could also add to the 'not wanting to seem vulnerable or not in control of every aspect of yourself at all times' because it streamlines the audio and makes it seem more "perfect" by implying that that is actually how it was song, like bdg did not have the need to breathe. Instead, it highlights that he definitely needed to breathe at some points, and that he just obscured that from us. Like a performance he puts on to seem like he's showing off.

I'm definitely reading too far into this song but that is the point and I find that fun

I'm gonna go on a rant about bdg's i wish that i could wear hats

[coquelicoq]

Glad to be of help. Talking to you helps me examine things more closely too! To me at least, a strong undercurrent in mdzs/untamed is the concept of 'face' - basically how you are viewed and treated in society. There is a Viet idiom that goes like 'a piece shared to you in the village festival is more valuable than a whole basket of it you receive in the back door' - the fact that you look like you are respected (and hence gets shared food) in public matters more than the quantity

I believe the ‘face’ is part of the conflict between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian. Like, they’re dear to each other, but at the same time, Jiang Cheng is clan leader and Wuxian is son of a servant, and in public, Wuxian is implicitly expected to 'behave his place’, such as, you know, avoiding loudly passing his judgment on the leader of another clan while his clan leader is still there (that banquet scene is all kinds of social violations).

And, like, we have mdzs society, a place where people are obsessed with merits and achievements, but at the same time, bloodlines and being born in the 'right��� place matter, arguably even more than your abilities, and your status decides what you get, and what you can and can’t do. And yeah, it creates all kinds of wrongs in people. You have Jiang Cheng, who loves his family but at the same time feels the pressure to maintain his/his clan’s social position in the face of a genius adoptee

So, like, I think actually Su She and Jiang Cheng have a lot in common i.e. anxious about how people view them, and for Su She, he craves recognition. In the novel, it’s stated that he strikes out from the Lan Clan and forms a clan/sect of his own, so that he can be called a clan leader. And, like, his tragedy, to me, is that for mere, arguably superficial in the end, act of Yao remembering his name in public, he is willing to die for Yao (I disagree with hamliet that there is a connection

between them, because it feels super exploitative on Yao’s end). As a side note, I think fandom hates Su She not just for being mean to Lan Wangji, but, in the novel, besides the inferiority complex, he also hates Wangji for chastising him in the Murder Turtle Cave. When Wen Chao wants to make Mianmian monster’s bait and Wangji tries to protect her and Wen Chao gets frustrated and threatens to murder them all, Su She drags her forward and is basically prepared to let her die. Wangji hits him.

(I just remember that bit haha, because Su She isn’t in the cave scene in Untamed. Basically in the novel, Su She thinks Wangji has humiliated him several times - with good reason or not). But yeah, I’m too lazy to explore it properly, but mdzs is fascinating in the variety of ways people act and react to social status and 'face’.

what a fantastic idiom, thanks for sharing it with me!! face is one of those things where like i know generally what it is but am also aware that it’s a rich concept that i don’t have enough context to fully understand sometimes. so it’s always nice to learn more about it!

it sounds like cql changed a lot of things about su she, with the end result of making him more sympathetic and maybe a bit more impressive, idk. i don’t remember all of this totally but it seems to me that cql!su she’s main motivation for starting his own sect was that the lans showed him that his life meant nothing to them, and not so much that the lans showed him that his status meant nothing to them, which maybe was more of novel!su she’s motivation? (but since status is so important in this universe, maybe these two things aren’t as far apart as they seem to me?)

(as an aside, i find it interesting how cql avoided making him too sympathetic. even though the show gives him a valid reason to betray the lans to the wens, at the same time it really hammers home what a coward he is for doing it. maybe this was cql’s parallel for the murder turtle cave scene - his life is threatened by the wens, so he offers up someone else’s life in exchange for his own. but idk, the cql version is more sympathetic to me, because the lans wronged him first by leaving him to die, and i’m guessing mianmian didn’t do anything similar.)

i wonder. other than for plot reasons, why is there a need for both jin guangyao and su she in the story? do they serve different purposes from a thematic perspective? aren’t they both people who became villains when society ridiculed them and shut out many of their other options, all because of the circumstances of their birth? not that you can’t have more than one character doing the same thing for the story, and i realize su she was necessary to cql’s plot especially with the whole second flute thing (not sure how important he is for the novel’s plot), but cql goes to such pains to make jgy’s tragic origins and completely over-the-top villainy super explicit. so it just seems like su she is kind of redundant thematically, unless i’m missing something.

oooh, i really love this jiang cheng/su she comparison though. you have given me a lot to think about!

[thecatshavenosoul]

Ateez:

Hongjoong: I've said this b4 but he's homophobic. However, he wants to maintain his activist image and knows there're a lot of gay atinys so he holds back. Like, his brain knows LGBT ppl deserve equal rights but he still has to hold himself back from saying a homophobic slur bc men being gay is a direct offense to him and his straightness so he's battling out his homophobic tendencies while trying to be Open Minded

Wooyoung: look at him

Yeosang: quietly homophobic. He won't say anything but he will wrinkle his nose if he sees 2 men kiss even in movies/shows

Golden Child:

My token and fave het group. Every. Single. One. Of them is homophobic. Except for Bomin and Maybe Sungyoon. I said this in another post already but Sungyoon probably just got used to the numerous dudes that confessed to him so now it goes like:

Dude: I love you, you're a great guy 🥺

Sungyoon: thanks <3

Also this legend is from Golcha, enough said

Special shout out to Tag tho, saying he'd date Sungyoon on 4 separate occasions while pulling the "I'm a man so it doesn't apply to me but IF WAS A GIRL" card. Idk what you're going through but you're valid ❤

TBZ:

So many contradictions and twists with this group 💔 I've never seen such a divided group in my life. Half are gay, the other half are het and homophobic, in the middle are het but Not homophobic. First;

SANGYEON: this photo explains everything about him and the group dynamic

Hyunjae: Homophobically teases and makes fun of Chanhee NEXT

Haknyeon: idk he seems nice but once jeered at Chanhee when Chanhee had to play those confession games with Juyeon so he's in the same boat of homophobia as Hyunjae

Jacob: nooooo this one genuinely pains me to say bc he's so sweet but this dude is like a hardcore Christian too qhshzjdju homophobic but hate the sin love the sinner kinda way

I hate Sunwoo's guts (I'm serious) but I don't think a homophobic man will let a scrawny twink beat his ass weekly so no he's not 😒 Eric seems like he grew out of it 🤷‍♀️

SF9:

Another exclusively heterosexual group. 4 het women by het men. They're all homophobic except maybe Jaeyoon (seems like the chill himbo type) and Zuho (just chill). Taeyang's a hard-core exo-l and Kai stan tho if that says anything (once copied the killing part of a relatively unknown Kai solo stage move by move of him putting his hand up his shirt for HIS own concert solo so this man dives DEEP)

Rowoon: a corporate slave and rule enforcer. Once took away a rainbow flag from a member at a foreign concert then passed it to staff and whispered in the member's ear probably to tell them not to do it ahdjdj MMT allegedly don't allow smth like 'political' flags which ig includes gay ones but fans generally don't care nor do most idols so Rowoon makes a special case of I'm homophobic Institutionally. (Also extra terrified of FNC ig which. Understandable.)

Dawon: uhhhh once said he was 'worried' that his younger nephew showed zero interest in girls even at Middle school so idk what it implies but it implies Smth

The rest are blandly het men flavour of homophobia so I won't go into detail about the rest

Jaeyoon biting the lesbian flag at a concert is kinda sexy tho I must say

VIXX:

Ken: those gay rumours hit him HARD. Shaken up and petrified of being seen as gay. But also a "I'm friends with Jokwon so I CAN'T be homophobic, but don't ever assume I'm gay 😰 I love WOMEN ONLY"

Hongbin: gamer. Misogynistic. Constipatedly heterosexual. Therefore homophobic, it's biology. Accepts and respects the v fruity Hakyeon tho <3

V ambiguous about Hyuk, honestly I can't read him ajsjkd could be chill but could be those sure gay ppl are ok theoretically but pls don't show that shit in front of me <3 idk ahjsj

Leo used to be, then Hakyeon had a vice grip (literally, like gripping his neck) on him for years and joining musicals being exposed to TONS of gay ppl I'm sure and getting tons of DILF attention helped him get better 😊❤

IF Hakyeon were gay he'd pride himself as a "classy gay" that doesn't do all that hookup and gay clubs stuff g/b men are stereotypically known for

R*vi: he's not personally homophobic but won't stand up for u if u get homophobic slurs thrown at u by his buddies. No backbone ass little BITCH

I'm going to make a masterlist of kpop boys i think are homophobic group by group of the groups I like bc every kpoppie is too focused thinking their kpop boys are staunchly allies or labelling the hettest looking men gay/bisexual