#i work in agribusiness and i check news reports every morning

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Plentiful

The original title of this was "Yiling boys make do" but I thought to myself - that's too on the nose. Ironic considering what's happening down here but alas.

If there are any historical inaccuracies here, no there aren't.

Is this just another WWX thirst fic? Yes.

And what about it.gif

Enjoy <3

There are many types of disease in the world: heart disease, kidney disease, lung disease... Lan Wangji is quite certain he's discovered a new one, the horny disease.

Because it must be an illness of some kind that's making him think the things he's thinking, otherwise he must accept he's the world's thirstiest pervert.

Which. Perhaps.

However, a disease sounds less embarrassing.

Context for all these medical musings is the fact that it's harvest season and grains and vegetables are plentiful. You might wonder - what does this have to do with horny disease?

Wei Ying bought corn. A lot of corn.

See where this is going? No, not there... yet. Well, it has gone there in Lan Wangji's mind, but that's just the horny disease effect and not reality. If it becomes reality, Lan Wangji's really going to become jealous of a vegetable and that's a new low even for his vinegar-chugging ways.

Point is, Wei Ying genuinely likes corn. And that's great! Corn is a nutritious vegetable, very versatile, can be used for a lot of purposes.

Corn is also very phallic.

And Lan Wangji is suffering.

Because Wei Ying is just innocently trying to make some buttery corn on the cob and Lan Wangji has been horny gripping Bichen for the past fifteen minutes. It's gotten to the point he can feel the sword's spirit vibrate in discomfort.

But genuinely, there's so much he can do without jumping Wei Ying's bones in this very public Lan kitchen as he's basically jerking this corn cob off with melted butter as lube.

Is he jealous of the corn or does he yearn to be the corn? Lan Wangji doesn't know.

"Lan Zhan, are you going to help me or just watch?"

"Watch is fine."

If he gets up, there will be an extra something for Wei Ying to rub at.

Wei Ying sighs, placing the very wet, glistening corn on a plate as he proceeds to move on to the next one. Lan Wangji has to pretend shufu is there, holding a lesson or something, or he'll-

"Want some?"

Lan Wangji looks up at Wei Ying as if he's out of his mind. Last thing Lan Wangji wants to do is eat corn - he would much rather eat something else right now, but, again, public place, people are coming in and out of the place, and it's not that he cares about propriety (fuck that), he just doesn't want to be providing anyone free entertainment.

Although he's not sure there's a high enough sum he'd accept for someone else to get to see Wei Ying while he's-

"You look distracted." Wei Ying comments, taking a little bite of the cob of corn, and suddenly Lan Wangji realizes he isn't a sick pervert actually.

"You did it on purpose."

Wei Ying laughs, "Did you seriously think buttering corn entails all that? Of course it was on purpose." And he bites into the side of the corn again, keeping eye contact a bit too intensely for the occasion.

"Wei Ying. People are-"

"So? I'm eating, it's a kitchen." A smile, "Oh, look, the butter's dripping all over..." and of course he just had to lick it off the base of the damn cob.

Lan Wangji stands up, sends Wei Ying a dangerous glare, then speaks out, loud enough for everybody else to hear. "Out! Now!"

The disciples don't question him, it's Hanguang-Jun after all - and if Wei Wuxian is with him too, they really need to scatter.

Wei Wuxian tries to sneakily leave as well, taking advantage of the commotion, but he feels a powerful arm around his waist pull him back in. "Not you."

Wei Wuxian laughs, delighted, nervous and aroused all the same. "Say, Lan Zhan, do you think I could use the corn like I did Bichen that one time?"