#i wore stage makeup (aka a full face of makeup) for like the last week and today was the first day i’ve not worn it bc the show is over now

[silvery-stars]

they weren’t kidding, that Consistently Wearing A Full Face Of Makeup really can Fuck Up Your Perception Of Self

[meepmoopfanfics]

you don’t get a win unless you’re playing the game: Daveed Diggs x Reader. Chapter 2.

Reminder: this is gonna be a long fic! please be patient :)

You are finally ending an excruciating first week of dance rehearsals.

You’re gearing up finishing Act I finally, your brain feeling completely fried from all of the material given, especially the vocal parts. You were so used to singing the melody line of all the songs and being given the alto part was a challenge in itself, let alone applying singing while doing the choreography. The dancing was second nature but you didn’t realize how much stamina you’d actually need to getting the notes out without sounding breathy, pitchy or exhausted. You did NOT want to embarrass yourself in front of the OBC when it came time to integrate.

You had only worked with the ensemble closely so far and were getting close with Stephanie, the universal dance captain of the show. She had mentioned to you that the principals and ensemble members would be having a little hang out session at her brother’s penthouse apartment downtown after rehearsals ended tonight.

“Brilliant work today everyone. I know it’s been tough. But take the weekend to really review the material and let everything sink in.” Stephanie’s eyes were lit up. The way she was so attentive to detail and every backstory of every movement was so inspiring and eye opening.

You wiped the sweat off of your face as you partner, aka M3, aka George Eaker, aka Cedric, gave you a wink and a thumbs up. You were way too lucky to be matched with Cedric. If you jumped across the stage, somehow you’d trust him to catch you with seconds to spare before landing.

The ensemble cheered together and began to pan out to the house to grab their things and head up to their dressing rooms to get ready for the party.

“Is everyone coming tonight?” Stephanie yelled excitedly.

You heard a cannon of yeses and hell yeahs around the group.

“The wolfpack’s coming too!” That was her nickname for the OBC crew. “It’s gonna be a raaaaaager!” She started gyrating her hips. Everyone erupted with laughter.

“A safe one at that, of course. Be on your best behavior around Lin… just kidding he’s an absolute child.

Alright now go, get out. Go get hot.”

You followed the ensemble up the stairs backstage to end up at your dressing room which you shared with W4, Michelle.

“Girl... what’re ya wearing tonight? I can’t decide.” Michelle asked while anxiously rummaging through her back full of scribbled on legal pads, muscle rollers, and random items of clothing.

You had packed your favorite black jeans that made your legs look flawless, your signature suede boots, and a Kith hoodie. You wanted to look put together but also casual and cool. Most importantly, you wanted to impress all of your idols. This was your only chance to give them the best first impression of you.

You thought about grabbing your Oakland sweatshirt that your parents got you as a gag gift for Christmas, in honor of your celebrity crush’s hometown. You immediately regretted even thinking of wearing it, as Daveed would definitely find it way too weird. You were from Massachusetts... not California. The Bay Area would be embarrassed for you.

“I just brought these little guys. All black, of course. Feel like it does the job. Also, the sweatshirt will let me eat alllllll of the pizza guilt free.”

Michelle stared longingly at your suede boots. “These are fuckin fancy!”

“They’re only Steve Madden!!” You were proud of your ability to find luxury looking goods for a cheap price. You don’t think that will ever change, even when you saw your first broadway check hit your checking account.

You were happy you could share a safe and fun dressing room space with Michelle and knew the two of you would become close friends.

You both ran into the shower room across the hallway, and quickly washed off. You decided you were going to straighten your long light brown hair. You loved your hair, but it got so curly and tangled when you sweat. Thankfully they were going to put you in a wig for the show instead of using your natural locks. Being a head sweat-er was the worst. Your makeup was minimal, as you looked best with a nice dewy makeup glow, with highlighted cheekbones. You wore a nude matte lipstick, which matched the natural color of your lips, and lightly liquid lined a cat eye over your big (insert eye color) eyes.

You saw your reflection. You didn’t know if it was the confidence of finally reaching your goal or if you just were having a good hair/makeup day... but you were stunning.

“Damn mama!” Michelle gasped as she saw your finished look. “Whose mans are you about to steal at this gig? Better not be Cedric, he’s mine.”

You laughed. You couldn’t help to think about who you already had your heart set on.

“Definitely not Cedric.”

Michelle opened her iPhone 11 plus and immediately opted for a mirror selfie. She quickly opened Instagram and posted it to her story.

You opened the app yourself to go check if it looked good.

Posted 32 secs ago

#MamaHam and #TheBullet hit the town 🎉

“Ready?” Michelle asked, putting the final touches of her gold Fenty highlight on her cheeks. “We should grab a quick bite before hitting the place. I plan on drinking my weight in Truly seltzers tonight.”

“Let’s get it.” You smiled. “I’ll call the uber.”

——

You called the uber, hopped in, and began driving downtown. You felt your anxiety creeping up on you.

“Trulys? Really? I’m gonna need to be doing shots of Jager in order to be able to speak a single word to any of these principals.”

“What are you... nervous? You already got the role. You’re equals with these guys.”

She wasn’t wrong.

“Guess I’ll just have to act as chill as possible. That’s the plan anyways... also Michelle, wanna know something ridiculous?”

“What?”

“I’ve had a middle school full fledged crush on Daveed since I can remember.”

She blurted out with laughter.

“Well girl he is on the market now. Shoot ya shot.”

You already knew this. Daveed was recently single and focusing on rebuilding himself up. His breakup with his last girlfriend wasn’t bad. It was mature and mutual. You knew he was taking time to himself, so you didn’t want to be overbearingly flirtatious when you first met him.

You also couldn’t stop thinking about your ex, whom you left last year around this time. His goals just weren’t lining up with your future. He hated musicals, he hated almost everything you liked... but you couldn’t stand the fact you shattered his heart.

“I’ll see what happens... after 5 shots.” You responded, winking at Michelle.

__

You arrived at the cutest little Italian place downtown in TriBeCa. You knew carbs and wine were the perfect pregame for this shindig.

After loads of pasta and splitting a bottle of wine, you began to feel the confidence needed to shake the nerves from you. You hit the bathroom to give yourself a double check before walking to your final destination.

—

As you walked up to the massive high rise residence, you couldn’t believe this was your lifestyle now. As you approached, you noticed an extremely familiar face exit the revolving door.

Holy shit, that’s Rafa.

Rafael Casal. Daveed Diggs’ best friend.

You stopped in your tracks stunned.

He turned his head immediately in your and Michelle’s direction.

“Y/N?! What’s going on?!”

“Shut up shut up shut up...” you whispered through your teeth. “Just keep walking.”

As he passed you both, he smiled, and turned into the Duane Reade on the corner. Probably picking up something he forgot.

You realized you would be on edge all night not being able to keep your cool. Rafa wasn’t even in the damn OBC and here you were, freaking out entirely on the freaking sidewalk.

Through the doors you went, passing the crystal clear marble floors, giant chandeliers, and up to the doorman.

“Can I help you beautiful ladies?”

Michelle blushed. The doorman was actually attractive.

“We’re here for Klemons? Penthouse 2?”

“Oh yeah! Hamilton!!! Love that show. Have fun!”

You hit the elevator as you looked down at your phone.

9:18pm

Perfect timing. Almost 20 mins late. Fashionably late, of course.

“Oh shit shit shit.”

You realized you haven’t changed your wallpaper from Daveed grabbing his crotch.

Michelle laughed as you fumbled to change your wallpaper to a pic of you and your family from when you were younger. Perfect. A conversation starter. Your overthinking was killing you softly.

Your teeth were legit chattering. You felt anxiety waves rush through your nervous system. The pit in your stomach grew. Your heart was beating a mile a minute. This was it. Your chance at something greater than you ever thought was possible to achieve.

The elevator doors opened to the open concept apartment. Voices were clashing over the blaring hip hop music in the dimly lit room. A full bar in the corner, Joe’s pizza scattered over the island in the kitchen. Beer pong set up on the dining room table.

There they were. Every single one of em. Scattered across the flat. Starstruck wasn’t even the beginning of what you felt.

Your eyes scanned quickly around.

There he was. Curly headed locks and all. Leaning up against the floor to ceiling windows that circled the place, holding a cocktail in his strong, large right hand accessorized with a few rings. Simply staring at the sights of the city. He looked like a million bucks and he was in a simple casual outfit. Light washed jeans, black boots, with his left hand in his black hoodie pocket.

Wait. You guys were wearing the same hoodie.

The same fucking hoodie.

Of course this would happen.

tag list:

@alexander-hamilhoe

[survivorparr]

the sun and her moon, pt 4/8 (Haus of Holbein)

aka In Which They Glitter, and Be Gay

Ex Wives/No Way | DLUH | Heart of Stone

(about the soundtrack title fic concept)

•

“God, do you just go around grabbing people in the dark now? Is that what it is that you do?”

“Shh, you’ll wake the whole house!”

Anne scoffed indignantly. “Well I wouldn’t have done if someone hadn’t scared me half to death!”

Silence hung in the air for what seemed like ages. Anne hastily wondered if she had been too harsh.

“‘M sorry, Anne. I shouldn’t have grabbed you, especially not after-“

“-It’s fine, don’t even worry about it. Honest, Cath, I’m just jumpy. Too much Red Bull before that second show or whatever”.

“Are... are you sure? Because we haven’t even talked about what happened earlier in the alleyway, and-“

“-That’s because there’s nothing to talk about. You were brilliant, and I was... there also, and he was... was... he...”

Parr watched as Anne’s flippant facade melted off of her face and her chin began to quiver. She looked up to meet Anne’s eyes and saw in the dark that they were glossy and glistening. Cathy’s own heart sank, and she fought back a sudden strong urge to reach out and stroke Anne’s pale cheek. That was not what Anne needed right now. What she needed was a friend.

So she took Anne’s hand in hers instead. “Please, Anne, just come hang out in my room for a bit. We can talk about it or cry about it or eat about it or completely ignore it, if that’s what you want. We can sit there in complete silence, just... don’t be alone right now. Please?”

Anne took a shallow breath, then sniffled. “Shouldn’t you be getting to bed?”

Cathy looked up and down the hallway. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Yeah, I suppose I could do that”.

Cathy smiled sheepishly. “Alright then. Well, I was actually just headed down to the kitchen to make some cocoa, because I’ve got this thing I like to do on Friday nights, but it’s just the sort of thing I don’t like to go on about because we never watch serious movies on movie nights and-“

“Spit it out, Parr”.

“French Film Fridays”.

“...French Film Fridays? As in-“

“-after everyone’s gone out or to bed, I make a cup of cocoa and watch a foreign film in my pyjamas, yes. But I could cancel it tonight, it’s stupid anyways and this is more important”.

“Don’t you dare, I haven’t watched anything French in ages!”

For the first time since the alleyway, the sparkle returned to Anne’s eyes. This - coupled with Anne’s apparent keen interest in French Film Friday - caught Cathy completely off guard, and she felt herself go warm inside. She silently thanked the darkness for concealing the flush she felt spreading across her cheeks.

“What’s the film de la nuit?”

“It’s a Canadian movie called Il y a longtemps que je t'aime”.

Anne inhaled sharply. I’ve loved you a long time.

“Brilliant. Let’s go make that cocoa then”.

•

In the following weeks, the changes were subtle, but undeniable. At breakfast one day, Aragon half-listened to the conversation while buried in a newspaper, only to realize incredulously that she was half-listening to her native Spanish - except, no, that was French she was hearing.

A few days later, Cleves and Howard squeezed through the door of the tour van to find that their usual respective seat partners were now sat together, connected by a pair of headphones running between them. Howard’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth in preparation for a squeal, but before she could make a sound, Cleves was tackling her into their seat.

One day soon after that, fans that tuned into Kat’s instagram live were more than thrilled to see that Anne had finished her makeup early and had decided to grace the small dressing room with her presence.

Anne, Kat, and Jane were answering questions and entertaining their virtual audience with a series of antics and hijinks, with the occasional distracted interjection from Parr. A voice broke her suddenly from her reverie:

“Frown harder, that’s got to be good for forehead lines”.

Cathy looked up at an expectant Jane. “It’s just that I can’t seem get my makeup to come out right today no matter what I do. Maybe it’s my face,” she joked.

“Annie, you’re done with costume and makeup already - why don’t you help?” Kat held up her phone - “Oh look, the internet agrees!! It’s decided then - Annie will give Cathy a makeover and we’ll post live updates!”

Anne looked questioningly at Cath, not quite sure what to do.

“Oh, why not? It’s worth a shot at this point, and you do always manage to get those glitter wings to come out nicely”.

“D’you want a pair? I think I saw some blue glitter in my kit”. Anne rummaged in her bag for a few seconds, then triumphantly held up a small, cobalt tube.

“Here, move your chair closer so I can see what I’m doing”.

“Seymour, Howard, Parr, anyone ready for mic checks?”

Kat waved bye to her phone camera before shutting it off, and then she flounced out of the room after Jane and the sound board op.

Anne refocused her attention on Cathy, who was now sitting opposite her, face impossibly close, one knee between Anne’s two legs.

“Let’s see what we can do about this ugly mug of yours, then,” she teased, grabbing one of Jane’s makeup wipes. Tilting Cathy’s chin up with one hand, she slowly wiped gentle circles across her face with the other. Once no more residue was left, she sprayed her with primer and watched the mist fall on Cathy’s radiant skin. Reaching for her glue and brushes, Anne took note of the way her own heart was racing. She hoped Cathy wouldn’t be able to feel her pulse as she rested the base of her hand on Cathy’s cheek.

Both girls sat in silence as Anne dabbed a layer of glue onto Cathy’s eyelids. The proximity of their faces was not lost on either of them. As she capped the glue and opened the blue glitter, Anne tried to stop her mind from imagining what it would be like to just... close the gap and sink her lips into Cathy’s. But her efforts to quell the thoughts were in vain. She couldn’t pinpoint exactly when, but some point over the last few weeks, she had had to accept that she had fallen - undeniably and utterly - for Catherine Parr.

Cathy kept her eyelids shut as the glitter dried and Anne moved on to dabbing foundation, setting powder, contour, blush, highlight onto her face. She made an effort to focus on her lines and lyrics, and not on Anne’s fingertips brushing across her face (or the resulting fluttering in her chest). She had only ever felt like this around men before, and even then, it had not come easily. Always, it had been a conscious choice to let down her guard and give herself to another. Why then, had it seemed Anne had brought down her walls without so much as a knock on the door or a calling card?

“Parr! Everyone’s checked their levels now except you - can we get you on the stage?”

Cathy opened her eyes to find Anne staring into them. God, she was so mesmerizing, so intense that Cathy barely understood how an audience full of people each night could stand to look right at her for four whole minutes. She imagined it was akin to looking into the sun.

Anne wore an expression full of - of something Cathy couldn’t quite ascertain, but it quickly disappeared. Cathy looked in the mirror to check Anne’s handiwork, and gasped.

“You’re a proper wizard, you are - it looks amazing!”

“Eh, you always look amazing”.

Anne waved her off towards the waiting sound tech with a smile.

“I’ll see you out there in a minute”.

When Cathy had gone, Anne studied her own face in the mirror for the longest time, looking for any trace of the girl she thought she’d always been.

•

Tags: @mimymomo @gayboleynz @allthequeensdeservedmore @demidoubter @aimieallenatkinson (ps ahh I love you all - I never imagined anybody would actually read this when I started writing it!! thank you!)

[megbox]

2017 Year in Review

Previous posts: (2016) (2015) (2014) (2013) (2012) (2011) 

Oh, 2017. I wish I could bottle you up and take sips of you when things in the future get sad and grey. What a wild ride you have been. These posts continue to get longer and more self-indulgent, and I’ll warn you upfront that 2017 will be no exception. I find sometimes that I’ll explain a story from this year to someone and they’ll blink back at me like... what. I find myself thinking that sometimes. 

I have decided to deem 2017 the year of spontaneous recovery. Not without a few setbacks but really, what kind of recovery ever goes smoothly? Certainly not mine. It was more like gradual-and-then-sudden recovery. Simple recovery. Recovery you do not even really notice until you’re far enough removed from what sucked in your life. 2017 has seen me go back to school, work 60-hour weeks to afford a spontaneous Europe trip to spend time with a boy I’d only known for a month, have a threesome, total my car, get an STI (unrelated to the threesome LOL), figure out what I want to do with my career and really go for it, and take the best vacation of my entire life. So without further ado, let’s jump in. 

January 

So January actually really sucked. Something I’ve realized about myself over the course of the entire year is that I deal poorly with change and January was full of it. No school to return to, my contract at Graham came to an end, and I found myself sitting around at home, sleeping in until 11:00am just to wake up and apply for jobs that I did not even want and check my calendar to see if I waitressed that night. The post-graduation slump was the real deal. 

On January 8th, I totalled my Jeep on the way to work. I did hit another vehicle but thankfully everyone was unharmed. I’ve only experienced acute shock like that once before and goddamn this time was just as awful. 0/10 experience, do not recommend. The only upside is that while insurance did their thing, I got to drive what I affectionately referred to as “the clown car” aka a 2016 Mini Cooper that was amazing on gas and had rainbow lights inside. 

In an attempt to fill the void that was my life in January, I started doing intake support at the Calgary Sexual Health Centre as a volunteer. It was in my orientation here that I made the decision to apply for the social work program at the U of C. The facilitator found me on break and asked me if I was a social worker and something clicked. I went home that day, heart racing, and started researching it. I realized - what better way to know what you want to do with your life than to look at how you spend your unpaid time? She’ll never read this but thanks Chelsea, you have no idea the impact that one question had on my little life! 

February 

Another contributor to February’s stress was that my single-job life did not afford me the financial freedom to pay my bills. This was alleviated in February when my restaurant switched from a pooled-tip to an individual tip system and I immediately began making triple the amount in tips (despite being an active resistor to the switch... LOL... I tuned in real quick). Valentine’s Day of this year was one of my favourite shifts serving of my life. They let us dress up so I wore a red dress and lipstick and flower in my hair, carried cinnamon hearts in my pocket and at one time let out a “hell yeah, girl” when a lady requested more garlic bread LOLOL 

Over the long weekend, I went to Kananaskis and stayed in a wilderness hostel for Shelby’s birthday. She’s a good friend now but at the time, Shelby and I were in kind of that peripheral-friend stage. I was super nervous about going since I hardly knew anybody but OMG WHAT AN AMAZING WEEKEND. We skied our faces off, drank Copper Moon pinot noir from a box, played Canadian trivia games, slept in bunk beds and gathered around a bonfire at night. Ali joined me on the second night and ugh I wasn’t even wearing MAKEUP I was just LIVING MY LIFE AND IT WAS SO NICE. 

Okayokay. Now... this might be kind of weird to write in a year in review but February was also the very first time I slept with someone who is not my ex-boyfriend. This is a big deal because it was something I had built up in my mind like crazy... imagining it would be this earth-shattering experience that opened the sexual floodgates. It was not. It was very... normal. I didn’t even tell my friends about it for like ten days (VERY uncharacteristic for me. Usually I get out the metaphorical megaphone and scream it from the rooftops cause I’m so excited). In retrospect though, I do recall slinking back upstairs and running into Sydney in the kitchen. She’s like, “wtf did you sleep downstairs?” I looked back at her... yes... yes that’s exactly what happened... heh so who knows. ANYWAYS. I woke up the next morning feeling literally no different than I had the night before and that is exactly what I needed it to feel like. No big deal. It was important in its complete and total unimportantness. He will never read this but I ended up just shamelessly ghosting this dude after he used the l-o-v-e word WAY too early (another theme of the last like... year and a half) and then he came to my place on my birthday uninvited with a VERY expensive and thoughtful present of a bunch of vinyl records from all of my favourite musicians and I ACCEPTED IT LMAOOOO because I really wanted those fucking records. Wow. I suck. 

March 

We (so, me and my four best friends from Famoso) deemed it “Mellow March” and attempted to forego drinking and fast food for the entire 31 days of the month. Let me go on record to say that none of us made it (I think Alex literally made it one day... but he had a date so we’ll let it slide) but I made it the farthest which was 17 days. 

I was in a super-into-running phase during March and crushed a 5km fun run on St. Patrick’s Day with my family and my brother’s girlfriend. It was -18 degrees and I’m dumb and didn’t warm up nor cool down. The Bluetooth headphones my brother lent me also died 30 seconds into the run from the cold. I NEVER run without music. I was in pain. It was so boring. I suspect this is the incident in which I injured my MCL. The bright side is that it’s technically a personal best, and my mom won her WEIGHT in Village beer. 

OKAY now for the best part of March. FELIX FELIX FELIX. Felix is a German boy. He was nearing the end of a year-long working holiday visa trip through Canada when I met him at a bar the night I broke Mellow March (which I almost didn’t go to... so moral of the story: ALWAYS go!). I think a total of one hour elapsed from the time I met him to us being in a taxi on the way back to my house. I’m not sure if it was the German accent, the copious amounts of happy hour drinks Mikaela and I had consumed prior to the bar, or his whole carefree-traveler thing that sealed the deal - probably a combination of all three - but I felt ZERO apprehension about the whole thing and it was an amazing and unexpected night. I went to brunch the next morning in the previous night’s makeup, still tipsy and totally elated to share with my friends the adventures of the night before. I took him on a date where I picked him up at his hostel and we drove to Lake Louise and Moraine Lake and talked about everything and shared music. It’s a cool experience to be able to show someone those places for the first time. We came back to my house and made dinner and he taught me how to play Highway to Hell by AC/DC on guitar. Your girl was smitten. 

April 

April was Felix-crazy month. Seriously. I should take a moment here to thank my former roommates for being so cool about him staying over so much in between his trips. You guys rock. :’) 

April is also my birthday month!!! Felix was in Banff but he took a greyhound to Calgary to spend the day with me. He had flowers and Sea Cider and I was basically just heart-eyes emoji’ing the whole damn day. We rented an Airbnb for the night on the top floor of this beautiful condo building in downtown Calgary, drank champagne, got tacos, and watched the sunset over the skyline. Felix told me it was the best day of his entire Canada trip and it was definitely a day I’ll always remember. Later on the weekend, my brother and I had a joint party which was so much FUNNNNNN we got up on the couch and made a toast and they played “All the Small Things” by Blink 182 just so everyone could yell “NOBODY LIKES YOU WHEN YOU’RE 23″ at me. Tres bien. 

Aaaand then Felix left on the 20th. I drove him to the airport and I’m telling you... it was sad. It honestly felt like a breakup except there was no fight or conflict that ended things it was just like... you live in another part of the world. We have to say bye and we don’t want to and this really sucks. We BOTH cried and for the following week I was just an abysmal shell of a human being. True to form, I could not handle the fact that I’d never see him again and so six days after he left I booked my flight to visit him with NO idea how I was going to afford it. 

May 

Okay May also sucked. The only good part of May was that I received my formal acceptance to the social work program. 

The rest of the month was spent at work. That is not an exaggeration. I picked up a second job hostessing at this restaurant in my city located within a trendy hotel with a pool patio. At first, I was super excited to be working there because it was fun and a relatively easy job, I had a mild crush on one of my coworkers, and I really needed the money. Then reality set in. This place aims to be a cool, collected place for Calgary’s rich and famous to sip cocktails by the pool and mingle. Unfortunately for this establishment, the people who actually showed up are basically Calgary’s own Jersey Shore. Tans, fake boobs, tribal tattoos, oil-rig money, thong bikinis, cocaine, and $800 bar tabs are what we got. The job went from hostess to nightclub bouncer as soon as the sun was out. It didn’t matter what day of the week it was... these animals would show up at 11:00am on a Monday and be cannon-balling into the pool by 12:45pm having consumed 30oz of our finest rum. I’d work every day there and then hightail it to Famoso to work another 5-8 hours. I was fucking miserable and my only solace was Skyping Felix every morning before I left. 

June 

The first half of June was exactly like May until the 16th. I was finally free on vacation. I literally took my heels off and ran barefoot down the street to my car after being dismissed from work on the 15th, nearly crying of excitement that I wouldn’t have to return for three weeks. 

The first stop was Stacey and Mike’s wedding at the Burrowing Owl winery in Osoyoos, BC. I HAD NEVER BEEN TO A WEDDING BEFORE AS AN ADULT and this one was in BEAUTIFUL SUNNY OSOYOOS and had an open bar and I was with my best friends. Some remarks: 

Alex and I got ready and were lookin’ super fancy and I needed hairspray so we drove to Shopper’s and when we got out of the car, a lady on the street remarked to her friend, “Oh my god, what a beautiful couple.” We just... our egos soared... we laughed about it the whole day. 

Getting a taxi in Osoyoos is among the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. 

I cried at the ceremony because I am sucker. 

Stacey’s family drama totally enveloped the wedding and I have to admit - her mother was such a total b*tch to us and CLEARLY did not want us at the wedding (what kind of person doesn’t want the brides FRIENDS at the wedding???? honestly) and it made us feel awkward. 

My favourite part of the whole night (aside from the DANK charcuterie board that emerged at the midnight buffet... my god... I almost passed out I was so happy... that CREAMY gorgonzola... I will dream about it forever) was at the unofficial afterparty which was all of us just chillin’ in our fancy clothes in the penthouse suite of this winery. The newlyweds, us, and some of Stacey’s siblings were on the balcony sipping leftover champagne and everyone else smoked a joint while I consumed about a pound of fresh cheese and meats. 

The 19th was my one day in between Osoyoos and Germany. I invited my friends to go out drinking since I hadn’t seen them in so long. And in a move that none of my friends will ever let me forget, I got wasted... karaoke was put into the mix... and long story short, I missed my 7:22am flight to Germany. In fact, Emma texted me a sweet “have so much fun!” text at 7:45am and that is what woke me up. I cannot even IMAGINE how I looked rolling into the airport... still drunk, Lululemons on inside out and backwards, glasses hanging off of my no-makeup face and full of adrenaline and anxiety. I cried, begged, sat on hold for 1.5 hours and offered some vague explanations about “last night” to the Westjet employees and was put on a later flight for a minor fee of $100. It all worked out and I only made it to Germany three hours later than I was supposed to. 

And so then... Germany. God damn, I really can’t summarize Germany. My friends nicknamed it #IBC2017 (aka: International Booty Call 2017) which is kind of exactly what it was. But oh my god. It feels so weird and cool to arrive in a country you’ve never been before and had no intention of visiting two months prior, and have a local at the airport, with flowers, to pick you up. And to BE that person having that stupid reunion. Felix lives in a fairly small-town part of Germany at the very north, so I spent most of my time there and in other small German towns around it. We also drove to Copenhagen, took a day trip to Malmo, Sweden, and visited some of the larger cities in Germany like Hamburg and Berlin. 

Ugh I can’t summarize. I’m just going to list random memories: 

We drank so much DELICIOUS German beer and ate so much bread (seriously the bread game in Germany is out of this world... I didn’t realize how much better bread could get but... wow)

I ate pastries that looked like Pepe in Copenhagen 

Felix gave me a scar from tripping while holding baked brie cheese that was literally just out of the oven and splashing me with this molten lava cheese on my arm

I rode the Drop of Doom with Felix and his two friends at this city festival in Kiel which was like a baby Stampede kind of without the country theme 

I learned that the German word for pug is “mops” which is also slang for “tits” which resulted in the most hilarious inside joke ever

Felix’s mother told me I had been touched by angels (lmao) and I got to tour the broadcasting station for all of Northern and Central Germany and see a live taping of a nutrition broadcast (in German... but still... pretty cool) 

I HAD A THREESOME IN BERLIN LOLOLOL after a wild night of clubbing. Observations post-threesome: sex without jealousy is POSSIBLE and FUN, I am super straight. Super super SUPER straight. The momentary awkwardness in between certain times was actually kind of endearing and normalizing. We invited her to hang out with us the next day but all of us were literally exhausted and hungover and she escaped into the streets of Berlin never to be seen again. Goodbye sweet German girl.

July 

I was still in Germany for the first week of July. I started to get my work schedule for that horrible job at the hotel and so impulsively I sent a polite but cowardly email to my boss from the Zurich airport notifying them of my resignation. It worked out because it was about 3am Calgary time when I sent it, which I feel added emphasis to the “fuck this job” thing, and I immediately had to board a nine hour flight so I couldn’t check my phone every five minutes for a response. 

Leaving Germany was not as sad as when Felix left Canada. I love my life in Canada and despite a brief moment at the airport where I considered just... not... returning... I soon came to my senses lmao and boarded the plane. And now I’m left with some Polaroid pictures, a few extra stamps in my passport, a beautiful handwritten letter and a million hilarious memories and the knowledge of how to say “i like big tits/pugs” in German. 

The rest of July was just work work work work work. And Stampede. I have to give props to Steven here for going out every. single. night. Where do you get this kind of stamina??? This kind of money???? Dear god. Another good friend of mine had a threesome with two pilots she met at the Cowboys tent this year. Not really a part of MY year but worth a mention nonetheless. The texts in the group chat the next morning... legendary. 

The end of July was also when I moved out of the Brenthood house. There are definitely reasons why they say not to live with your best friends but honestly???? I loved that house in a weird way. I do miss seeing my old roommates every day and having moments like when Emma texted her ex “Good night.” because he wasn’t responding to her (it was like 8pm) and he immediately... and I do mean IMMEDIATELY called her. O m g we were howling with laughter. Brenthood may have been dank and cold but it was also super fun. Miss you, my old bad bois/roommates <3 

August 

AUGUST SUCKED. AUGUST WAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST. I worked SO much and the only bright side was that I was able to pay off my entire Europe trip in cash by the first two weeks due to that sweet sweet patio-serving tip money. 

Mostly August sucked because I got chlamydia. Yep. Well, technically the chlamydia was acquired in June. But I became aware of its existence on the very first day of August. The infection itself is no big deal. It’s curable, my symptoms were very minimal, and it was really more of an inconvenience than anything else. The drugs they gave me though... oh my god they made me so violently nauseous and I literally felt my insides cramping. ZERO OUT OF TEN EXPERIENCE. NEGATIVE TEN OUT OF TEN. Would NOT recommend. The circumstances surrounding how I acquired chlamydia is what made August sucks so bad though. They sent me tumbling down into a dark place where I really do not spend much time anymore. I was very very sad. There is something to be said for really bad things happening every single time you see a certain person. Like, how many signs can the universe give you? How many ways does someone have to prove to you they are a piece of shit before you finally realize it? Apparently chlamydia will do the trick!!! 

I’m not sure if any of you have ever had an STI but in Alberta they have a very detailed record-keeping system as far as testing and treatment. So when I went through this process myself I learned that the person who gave me the STI had weeks to tell me and never did. They’d been tested and treated before I even got the call from a random nurse. I’m not sure if they were hoping I wouldn’t be able to narrow it down or whatever their motives were... but it feels pretty shitty to know that someone you trusted to wear a condom if necessary didn’t even care enough about you to let you know about an STI themselves. I felt gross and sad and ashamed to be dealing with the same old shit. 

Aaand lastly Steven moved away to Burnaby for grad school. Due to the aforementioned antibiotics I couldn’t even get drunk at his going away party which is a shame because lawd knows the man went buck wild that night. But in addition to being very proud of him it was like really sad because it signalled the beginning of the inevitable MASS MIGRATION of people I know to other places and things. 

September 

The next few months will be short and boring because I started school in September which began to encompass most of my time and energy aside from Famoso. August took a toll on me and I started school kind of burnt out, to be honest. I basically sat in class with my laptop and was antisocial and introverted. 

September was also cool because I started my involvement with the Consent Awareness and Sexual Education club. I love CASE, I love everyone IN CASE, and being a part of it has been a huge part of why I love school so much thus far. 

October 

On October 1st, I moved back out into an apartment near my workplace with a new roommate. Though much smaller than my old place, it’s more secure, I have my own bathroom, and the smallness of the apartment motivates me to spend less time there. I can also bike to work in the summertime!!! Very excited about this. I also no longer have to worry about utility bills because my rent is at a fixed rate. God bless America. 

I WENT ON A BLIND DATE. This is in all capitals and is being included because previously I would never have fucking dreamed I would be game to do this and the fact that I did is a testament to INCREASING SELF CONFIDENCE AND PERSONAL GROWTH. My best friend started dating this lovely guy and it was her who set up this double-date with one of her boyfriend’s friends. My date also had zero social media so I legit knew nothing about this man. They took us to a jazz show in Inglewood and then to Cold Garden for beer. And I ended up at his place. The details of the end to this night are fuzzy but I do remember crouching down to look at what he had on his bookshelf and seeing some Malcolm Gladwell. And I asked him some questions about it lmao and he had actually read them. And hilariously when he drove me home to my apartment the next morning I forgot to ask for his number so I just hopped out of his truck and went inside LMAOOOOO. It’s okay. He wasn’t weird enough for me. I mean that sincerely. He was too normal. I was like.. in any other scenario this guy would probably be so annoyed by me. I g2g. 

I came down with a horrible flu on what was supposed to be one of the most fun weekends of the entire semester - the CASE retreat in Banff. We went to a hostel and were undertaking workshops and bonding. We had plans to go to Banff Pride and indulge in a drag show and party party party but holy shit the flu hit me like a ton of bricks and I literally had to call someone to come rescue me in his car and take me home. Seriously tragic. 

November 

Nothing of particular importance happened in November. I just worked and studied.

December 

December december december. A busy month for sure. On the 6th, I drove up to Edmonton to attend a two-day course on responding to disclosures of sexual assault... except they cancelled the training 1.5 hours before it was about to begin. Nothing to do but drive the three hours back. Ho hum. 

I ended my first semester with a 3.9 GPA :) Super pumped about that. 

And of course... Hawaii. Honestly, as I type this, I am still reeling with post-vacation blues because Hawaii was so wonderful and wild that returning to Calgary actually sucked. I went to Honolulu for eight days all by my lonesome which to some seemed like a weird concept. But the last time I traveled solo was to England in 2014 which was possibly the worst experience of my entire life. So at the risk of sounding super lame, Hawaii was somewhat of a chance at reclaiming the big part of me that isn’t afraid to explore. It was a way to challenge my tendency to slip into introvertedness at school and a way to forget about Calgary and be that cool-girl-traveler for a week. 

I’m not sure what it is that happens to me when I’m traveling but I feel like I turn into the best version of myself. I try to be up for anything, I find genuine excitement in meeting new people, I’m not all that worried about how I look. This particular trip was made so wonderful by the people that I met. It was also the first vacation aside from Germany that I’ve taken where I didn’t get my period and didn’t get sick (A+!). But mostly it was the people ;) This cast of characters includes my hostel roommates... Elena from Tuscany (who runs a guesthouse there and said I can stay for free!!!), Mao from China, Rachelle from the states-but-living-in-Aus. And our other friends. Oliver from Denmark, Maurice from the Netherlands, Sebastian from the states. Joe from Australia. Vincent from Montreal. Rachel from Tennessee. I just totally embrace the hostel thing and went with it and it paid off in a major way. I never said “no.” I found myself hiking up to waterfalls with three of the hottest men I have ever met, snorkeling in Hanauma Bay with a super cool Brazilian, hiking Koko Head with possibly one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had while the sun beat relentlessly down on me and 85-year-old Japanese men told me to get out of the way, rolling to the North Shore in a rented car with Oliver listening to rap music and body surfing in waves that were WAY above my skill level. I listened to my roommate have what I described as “powerful sex” from the top bunk... which was hilarious because when I later did the same thing they played the Lonely Island’s “I Just Had Sex” from Oliver’s stereo to wake me up as payback. 

But there were five of us who spent all of our time together in Hawaii. Rachelle, Maurice, Oliver, Sebastian, and me. Rachelle and I were in room 9 of the hostel and we drank there so often it became known around the hostel as “Club 9″. We partied so hard. WE MADE SO MANY FRIENDS. I walked home by myself from the club, drunk as hell and met a friendly drug dealer who bought me McDonalds and offered to take me for a nice Hawaiian breakfast the next morning. I don’t know how to encompass this trip without just listing random memories, apparently. My favourite night was the last night when I had the best sex of my life on a lifeguard stand on Waikiki beach at 2:00am. Seriously a night I will remember for the rest of my life and the cherry on top of what had already been a bold trip. 

Everyone has different reasons that bring them to a certain place at a certain time. Sometimes it’s just chance and the need for a vacation - like it was for me. But there is something so cool about how a group of people away from their regular selves and lives can form such a unique and hilarious friendship and how traveling brings out such an exciting and welcoming spirit in most people~~~~ Hawaii was the best week of my entire life and I say that with 110% certainty. 

General Things~*~* 

I think I actually figured out what I want to do with my life. Holy shit. And I made some serious progress on making it a reality and setting myself up for the future. Unlike when I was in journalism I actually feel competent. I love social work because it emphasizes the personal connection you bring to your work and your practice and your research. In journalism you always had to quash that somewhat in the protection of objectivity. 

I have made enormous progress this year in regards to relationships and sex and intimacy. I enjoy these things in a much more mature and realistic way and am more confident in myself which has allowed me to be more confident in casual sex in a legitimate and fun and EMPOWERING form of intimacy. 

Ummm. I finally levelled out and gained the permanent separation from my ex-boyfriend (and his family!!!) Not without slipups but I chalk it up nowadays to just anger rather than desiring the relationship back or his attention. Nonetheless - we live totally separate lives now. Fuck yeah. 

2018 

I NEEEEED to keep riding this wave of happy times and general ~life enjoyment~ in 2018. 

I will do the majority of my social work degree over this year including my first practicum placement (which I’ll be interviewing for next month... holy shit) and I am determined to slay it. 

I really want to deepen my participation in all of my volunteer commitments. I don’t think it would be healthy or sane to take on anything new at this point but like I’d like to get formally trained in admin for Dr. Gibbs at the CSHC or something, and move from a crisis de-escalator to an actual counsellor at Kids Help Phone. 

Alex and I are going to motha’ fuckin Thailand at the end of April. After Hawaii, my desire to explore is at an all-time high. I’m looking forward to returning to Asia with a fresh outlook and an awesome travel partner. Let’s hit that full moon party, boys. I’ll also probably go somewhere next December, too. I’m not sure where that will be yet. Early ideas are Belize/Panama/Nicaragua, or Greece/Croatia. 

Other than that, 2018 is an open book, baby!!! I cannot wait.