#i wont settle for anything less!!!
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i think about a love that is warm and safe and i collapse inside because i want it too much
#i wont settle for anything less!!!#am i picky?? yeah. but im tired of being abused i dont have it in me to be hurt again#life is too short & i want a partnership that fulfills both of us#i want to be devoted to someone!!! i want to love someone unabashed!!!!#i want them to love me too!!! i want them to feel the same!!!!!#i want us to accept each other for who we are!!!! to fit our pieces together!!!!#life is hard enough as it is!!! i want my future partner and i to be safe people for each other!!!#i want a love like this so so so so badly#even if it wont work out in the long run for whatever reason#but i know when i do find reciprocated love with someone it will be warm. it will be a spring or a summer or an early autumn#and our winters will be mild. and we will stand inside a greenhouse we built instead of in the frost-bitten dirt
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...Whoops
#Hey guys#it's been a while#I#am sorry#but also vv tired#so ya know#I got an adhd diagnosis while i was gone!#So now i know why im like this!#Doesn't make it any less frustrating :D#But at least i know now#I so very much wanna post more often but when im always busy or always tired or constantly shifting between interest it makes it really har#to settle down and acutally finish...anything really#so#im vv sorry if you followed me for consitant art or anything#it probably wont happen#but ill do my best!#art#my art#It's me!#My Sona#raggy's art tag#rambling raggy#tag venting
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I just want a romantic, passion fueled love with such desire. Is that too much to ask!? I don't want materialistic love. I want a feral love where you can't help, but want to be around me and just touch me. Like you just can't help yourself. Like I want the kind of love that are in books.
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"if you say miss edwina is the one for you. If you say she is the one in whose presence you cannot properly think or even breathe. If you say you feel that feeling. The one that makes it impossible for you to look away from them at any given moment. When your body and soul feel as if they could burst into flames whenever the two of you are near. When all you are able to do in their presence is to fight the urge to lean forward and touch their lips with yours. If that is the feeling you have..."
Switched back to bridgerton LOL
#Bridgerton liveblog#I feel like daphnes quote is an example of why i am forever single#I mean when you are a sucker for romance#One would think it would mean your life is romantic#But in actuality means youre just too fucking picky and wont settle for anything less than magic#\o/#Oh to live in a world where love could be real
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honestly crazy how hopeful ending A/B is compared to the starts of routes C/D. like 2b gets her happy ending where maybe someday she can just live in peace with 9s and then like a day later she's limping through her death march.
#it makes sense and is kinda fun in a meta sense#like her narrative is complete with the 1st two endings#all she cares about is the idea that maybe one day she wont have to kill anymore#she's not really interested in the truth of yorha or humans or anything she just wants to hang out with 9s#and the first half is very focused on the idea that androids and machines don't have to fight and could live in peace#so once that's settled theres not much for 2b to do narratively and she peaces out#while 9s and A2 care very much about the origins of yorha while not really caring about having to kill machines#its like angel beats where you reincarnate once you're satisfied#barnacle 2b waiting for 9s and A2 to join her#i could see an alt ending to E where 9s and A2 end up stuck figuring out what their lives mean together#like 9s works out his shit a little better in the tower or A2 acts a little to much like 2b and he cant bring himself to kill her anymore#this absolutley hinges on 9s being less down to stab 2b too though lmao#if they werent combat androids who get off on killing eachother this could maybe work#but that would also take the fun out of things
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Something that's real, tangible, and natural.
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I've felt an overwhelming love for myself and my body and even if no one else appreciates it, i dont care because I know it is beautiful and will be here for me when no one else is
Pff I ran out of tags lmao
#itd be nice to be recognized and acknowledged for my body in a kind way#not dismissed. berated. or ignored#i want someone to feel attracted to me; physically#mentally. and emotionally. i will notnsettle for less#it is not a reflection on myself if others dont/cant appreciate my body#and no amount of reciprocation will change how i exist within my skin#i have goals for my self and my future thst i will not settle on#this includes having 3-4 children#and having them while im young enough to be present and active in their lives#i want to get married some day to someone who will hold me at night#to someone who indulges in my interests the same way i do theirs#i want to feel truly seen#i want to be able to converse with someone and to joke around with them and know when theyre joking#and know that they dont speak truths and mask it as a joke#i want someone who values my time and my energy#somwone who wont push me into something i dont want because its what they want for their future#ive said it before but i dont care about fulfilling my carreer or traveling or anything like that before i have children#i want to experience that and it makes me mad when im told to focus on my dreams#this is my dream#it isnt a returement plan. it isnt me rushing to start a family or whatever#i have so much love to give and i have been giving it to so many people for so long i just want that to be reciprocated in its entirety#that includes having someone who has these same life goals#another dream of mine is a reptile (mostly snakes lets face it) education facility and i need someone who will suppoet me in this#i want unconditional and reciprocated love with like goals. where we can support one another and i wont have to sacrifice my entire self in#i already feel so out of place as it is. even within the secure relationships i have. i want to feel safe. i want to make them feel safe#it kills me that i havent felt this yet. someone can become a safe space so quickly and in the same amount of time they can become the oppo#-site. alao in regsrds to traveling i stg if someone tells me to travel before i have kids im going to lose my mind. i dont even have#a passport and it's not like im really rushing to gst one and go anywhere. the world fucking sucks andnidk how much time i have left so i#want to foster relationships and build a lofe for myself and my (future) family. this coukd incluse experiencing travel with them#which is better than traveling alone. eith family. or with people who are juat as introverted as i am and who'd rather stay home
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just gonna put this here while its fresh in my mind but since lando has been wildin and wont stfu about OF... what if reader does OF 😏 faceless and lando makes a cameo once in a while😵💫😵💫 OKAY BYE WHY IS HE LIKE THIS LATELY
Your Biggest Fan || Ln4
Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, masturbating, only fans WC: 1.3k
One || Two || SMAU || Three
You were a solo act, that was your choice. Everyone who subscribed to your account knew the deal despite offers from some very big names in the industry - you were happy on your own - you couldn’t risk getting caught. Your parents would surely disown you, but you liked the danger that came with your side hustle.
You could still remember the day he subscribed, top tier no less. The username was generic and he kept his camera turned off but that wasn’t unusual - you preferred to keep your face hidden too. A selection of toys lay across your bed and he hummed indecisively while he internally debated which one to watch you play with this time.
“If I was there, I know what I would do,” he mused, his voice dropping in a way that had your stomach flipping.
You settled amongst the pile of pillows surrounding you, keeping your face above the view of the camera, and teased your nipples while you patiently waited for his choice. “Yeah, what would you do to me?”
Your touch ran further down your body and you spread your legs for him. His breathing changed to slower, deeper intakes and you wished he had his camera on so you could see the effect you had on him.
“Fuck, I would fill you so good, babygirl,” he groaned. “I would make you cum harder than any of those toys can. You don’t even have one big enough to stretch you like I could.”
Your pussy clenched at the threat and you grabbed the biggest dildo from the pile, running the tip through your slit. You moaned as you pressed it to your entrance and it slowly slid home, filling you completely as you pumped it all the way to the base. “This one stretches me pretty good, big boy.”
“Not as good as I could.”
“Brave words for someone who can’t prove it,” you dared.
There was some shuffling before his camera lit up and half of your screen filled with a toned stomach, muscled thighs and a dick that put your toy to shame. You sat up straighter, wanting a closer look and salivated at the way he stroked himself, his thumb and fingers not even touching because of the girth.
“Fuck me,” you exhaled longingly.
“Don’t tempt me, babygirl.” He dragged his thumb through the bead of precum and his hand disappeared from view as he licked it clean, something you were completely jealous of. “Now turn around, I want to see you fuck yourself and pretend it’s me.”
You did as you were told, more than eager now that you had the image to use. You got on your hands and knees, reaching between your legs to pump the dildo in time to his strokes, moaning in unison at the sight. Wanting to give him the best show, you shimmied back so he had the best view of the silicone cock stretching your pussy.
“That’s it, come to daddy.” His filthy words surrounded you and your back arched as you fucked yourself for him. You were nearing your orgasm and the sight of his cum spilling over his fist and abs threw you into oblivion. His urging kept you going, even when your orgasm tried to squeeze the toy from your pussy, you kept stuffing it back in until the pressure grew too much and you fell panting to the bed, the blanket wet from the fluid that had gushed from you.
“Holy shit, babygirl, that was fucking amazing,” he praised as you struggled to catch your breath. “Fuck, I have to go. Same time next week?”
“Only if you have your camera on again, big boy,” you half joked, half wishing he would.
“For you, babygirl, of course,” he chuckled and wiped up his mess with a green and white shirt you were sure you had seen the logo for before. “I’m your biggest fan, I would do anything you said.”
“I’ll have to remember that, big boy. See you next week.”
You ended the feed and closed the site down for the night before cleaning up the toys and changing your bed sheets. You had never squirted like you had with L404 and you briefly wondered if you should invest in some waterproof bedding.
It was late by the time you had showered and settled back into the fresh sheets but you weren’t able to sleep. With nothing better to do, you logged into Twitch and browsed the Just Chatting category for some white noise, eventually coming across a streamer with nearly 20k fellow viewers.
You were a little disappointed to see it wasn’t Just Chatting but playing Fortnite and you nearly left the stream. You weren’t interested in trying to sleep to the sound of gunfire. Before you could exit, you heard the voice. It was one you were intimate with, one that sent goosebumps prickling over your skin.
“Come to daddy,” Lando, that was his name, said. He laughed with his friends he was playing the game with and they joked while oblivious to the epiphany you were having. “Ohhh, doggy man.”
The handsome man in the tiny square of your screen was L404, your biggest fan.
Hey big boy, you sent to the chat and watched it get swamped by the hundreds of other comments.
“Ha, mate, someone called you big boy.”
Lando’s head snapped away from the game and he was quickly shot but he didn’t care as he scrolled through the chat to find your username. It was different enough that it wouldn’t be linked to your Only Fans but had enough similarities that he recognised the name. “Shit, I gotta go. Something’s come up.”
He logged off without a goodbye and the comments blew out with disappointment and questions.
Suddenly, your email pinged with a new message: L404 was requesting another private chat.
“Hey big boy,” you answered as you sat up in bed, grateful you were wearing a cute lace babydoll nightie. “Back so soon?”
His camera was off but now that you had seen his face you could only imagine the confusion on it. “Uh, did you…what you saw…did you…”
You giggled at the loss of his confidence, such a stark change from how he was an hour ago. “You’ll have to finish your question for me to answer, Lando.”
“Fuck.” His camera came on and you had a much larger picture of him. He wasn’t just handsome, he was gorgeous. You desperately wanted to run your hands through his curls and tug on them, maybe while they were between your legs. “No one can know, please, it will ruin my career.”
Taking a deep breath, you tipped the camera back and looked him in the eyes. Realisation dawned on his face and his lips parted in shock. “Guess we both know each other’s secret now.”
“You…you’re…”
“Yup, that’s me.” Like most rich families, your parents had moved to Monaco for the tax haven it provided and you had fallen in love with the province too, opting to buy your own place in the city when you left home.
“So…” You bit your lip as the idea danced on your tongue and Lando remained in a state of shock. “I remember someone threatening to stretch a certain part of me…”
Lando swallowed deeply before licking his dry lips. “On camera?”
It was your turn to think before nodding. “If you’re up for it, I can make an exception to the rule. We might need to practice a few times, you know, compatibility wise.”
He nodded, the thought growing more and more interesting and he palmed his erection beneath the desk. “Practice sounds good. Tonight?”
The idea of sleep was long gone and your nipples were clearly visible through the lace, the stiff peaks begging for attention. “Come on then, big boy,” you teased as you sent him your address. “I’ll see you soon.”
Click here for part two.
#lando norris fanfic#lando norris imagine#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#formula one imagine#formula 1 fanfic#formula one fanfiction#lando norris smut
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Not me writing a song about pedro pascal
Just ship me to hell, usps first class
#i wont settle for anything less#and i mean that for Pedro and usps#anyways its lowkey a bop#so everyone you’re def welcome
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i dont like to talk about self-diagnosis because i dont enjoy people making assumptions about me, my illnesses, and my diagnostic status. but i will say:
i have self diagnosed and gone on to be medically validated with an official diagnosis. multiple times actually. i was never wrong about my self-diagnoses.
however, i have been misdiagnosed by professionals FIVE TIMES. and let me tell you, a professional diagnosis being wrong is far more harmful than a self-diagnosis being wrong.
if your self diagnosis is wrong, maybe you used the wrong language or put yourself in a box or now feel invalid and whatnot. but if your professional diagnosis is wrong, it can lead to abuse, medical trauma, panic attacks, issues with medication, even suicide.
i was misdiagnosed with BPD when i was 15 by a psychologist that i spoke to for hardly even 10 minutes. this diagnosis was based on my parent's description of my reactions to abuse, and the diagnosis was used to validate and excuse their abuse.
i was misdiagnosed with MDD when i was 12 and put through several different types of anti-depressants. we never found anything that worked, because it was actually ADHD and dissociation, but i did end up with panic attacks and insomnia all throughout middle/highschool!
when i self-diagnosed with autism however, it saved my life. it took me out of active suicidality because i was able to finally able to accept myself after years of feeling like i am just "being a person wrong". i had the knowledge to accomodate for myself and the language to advocate for myself. this was life changing. even if i was wrong, which i wasnt, i dont see how it couldve caused any harm.
my opinions on self-diagnoses arent black and white, and im not entirely settled on them either, but i do think this is important to understand. doctors and psychologists are not all knowing. we live in a time where we can access thousands of dollars worth of university level education on the internet, even the same exact resources medical students use. plenty of people are capable of interpreting themselves and that information to come to a conclusion about what they are experiencing and what might help.
sure, self-diagnosis might be biased. but a professional is most likely going to be just as biased, and possibly less aware of it. its just silly to use bias as a primary argument when it is an inescapable feature of human psychology. there is a reason ADHD is underdiagnosed in women. there is a reason anxiety disorders are underdiagnosed in men.
an incorrect self-diagnosis wont take away resources or your space in your comminities. but professional misdiagnosis can cause real damage.
(i am not trying to fear-monger about professional diagnosis, moreso responding to the fear-mongering surrounding self-diagnosis)
#self diagnosis#psych critical#actually mentally ill#self diagnosed autism#anti psych#anti psychiatry#discourse tw#tw discourse#madpunk#neurodivergent#neuropunk
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Undertow
He stopped officiating weddings a long time ago. There was no time for such things as the Chief Justice of Fontaine. But your family insisted. As nobles are wont to do. Only the finest for their eldest daughter. Besides, you two were friends, after all. Neuvillette/Female Reader; in which the Chief Justice can no longer deny his heart on the day of your wedding. AO3 Story Link
A joyous day.
It should have been, at any rate.
At least for you.
As long as you were happy.
Or so Neuvillette told himself. Duty came first, after all. He had a whole nation to keep from setting itself aflame, be it from Focalors’ whims or the people’s fury. In serving everyone, he was, in fact, serving you.
And in turn, you, too, served the people. Few were so generous with their time and their skills, especially those in your social standing. Fewer still went on to study law, as you had; as heir, you needed to understand property laws and taxes and the words that bound your family to its estate and your place in parliament. Neuvillette would never let it be said that you did not know the meaning of long hours and hard work. Amid the vain and the greedy, you were pragmatic, and not without the wit to prove it.
That was what drew him to you. So many in your position used their wit as sharp daggers to stab others during conversation in a clever, charming way. You flipped the conversation back on perpetrators so often that he wondered why you never pursued certification exams.
“For one, it benefits my station far too much,” you said. “My ambitions are to be able to make life sustainable for all I’m meant to govern. Naive, perhaps. But I think those in my rank need to earn their keep, prove they’re worthy of their legacy. We owe it to the people of Fontaine.”
You were certainly not without a vision, even if you were Unblessed. It was better that way. You didn’t deserve the eyes of the island above on you anymore than they already were.
Neuvillete adjusted his cuffs as he glanced down at the book in his hands. A book you’d given him, annotated with your favorite passages and thoughts. He’d stayed up far too late trying to conceptualize anything other than his legal obligations for the ceremony.
The courtroom buzzed with anticipation. Focalors had rolled her eyes when she caught him getting ready but even she had made herself scarce for once after mumbling to just get it over with. Funny. And here he thought she might be present to laugh in his face and call him a fool.
A fool who took an hour to painstakingly braid his hair in a fashion that mimicked an Oceanid’s tail, as you had once shown him.
He stopped officiating weddings a long time ago. There was no time for such things as the Chief Justice of Fontaine.
But your family insisted. As nobles are wont to do.
Only the finest for their eldest daughter.
Besides, you two were friends, after all.
You would have settled for far less; or rather, you would have been happier with his presence in another capacity. He knew as much. His estate for the ceremony and party. A speech at dinner. A dance. Your smile had been so forced throughout the entire exchange about an officiant that Neuvillette was certain you might snap right then and there.
And yet you remained rooted. Dedicated.
If only the finest would do, why did they even consider the dolt standing before him to be eligible?
Hardly remarkable in accomplishments. The family coasted on interest earned through their holdings but were not without the occasional cousin who ended up with a debt record as long as one’s forearm. Neuvillette couldn’t even justify an excuse for a pedigree; bloodlines couldn’t, shouldn’t, be about trying to maintain whatever purity they claimed to hold.
No one could make that judgment.
Celestia might try, at any rate.
And the Chief Justice could hardly see your future husband comforting you should such a thing happen, let alone caring for the people. Neuvillette could only stare when the nobleman’s eyes caught his; your fiance looked away first and Neuvillette smiled briefly to himself. No. There would be no comfort in this relationship, no challenge, no ambition.
This man would snuff your flames with his own self-importance.
Neuvillette should have offered his hand instead when you’d told him. You seemed so resolute, so determined, to carry out your duty. And he was so patient that he might as well be a coward. Time would wait for him, not you. Instead, he’d pulled every string he could to find every shred of information for you, for your parents, approved the match with as much grace as a ruling.
Mulled over every file with a glass of brandy, trying to convince himself things would be fine.
Wouldn’t they?
Nearby, a musician began the song you had chosen to walk in with and the gallery rose in unison, like the sea, to watch.
The only thing you’d had control over was the dress, you’d admitted one night after dinner. Repurposed, you’d mentioned; all lace and fashionable lines, practical but elegant in its shape. He couldn’t pull his eyes away and he tried to remember to breathe as you made your way down the aisle. In all his years, he had seen many things, including the stunning shimmers of the previous Hydro Archon, but all of them paled to you.
Likewise, it seemed you couldn’t look anywhere else but straight ahead, Neuvillette realized: most looked towards their future spouse but your gaze was fixed on Neuvillette himself. His grip on the book tightened and he was thankful for the swell of the music to hide the squeak of leather.
You weren’t making the stabbing knife in his chest any easier.
The words came quicker than he liked as he began the usual spiel. Welcoming guests, reciting the names of the parties involved, and starting off with a brief speech on the strength of a union. He could read the passage from the book backwards if you asked him.
As a judge, he was meant to be the impartial interpreter of the law. There was no place for bias, for emotion.
His eyes would give him away to any discerning onlookers. Neuvillette was no stranger to rumors and gossip columns and no doubt someone could already see the questions he couldn’t keep from surfacing. It would be obvious, he realized. He kept looking at you and not the crowd, not the man with eager eyes who held your hand the same way one held a horse bridle: too tight.
Neuvillette cleared his throat and pushed away the anguish. It had no place here.
As the Chief Justice asked you to repeat after him, to recite the vows all Fontaine citizens gave on their wedding day, something inside him cracked. Couldn’t you see this would lead to nothing but misery? Weren’t you worthy of more? If you must marry for duty, then at least commit yourself to someone equally committed…
Your lips, painted to perfection (unnecessarily so, for you were already beautiful without such coloring), opened but silence followed. Neuvillette swallowed. Your eyes left his long enough to stare at the man holding your hand before you thrust your bouquet at him, gathered your skirt, and dashed back up the aisle.
Behind you, the courtroom ignited with all of the shock and drama as a high profile murder case as you threw the doors open and dashed into the lobby and eventually out of sight.
The only trace you’d been there at all was your veil as it floated to the floor silently, forgotten.
A joyous day.
It should have been, at any rate.
And yet you shouldn’t shake the knot in your stomach and the claw clenching around your heart. Sleep eluded you for the better part of the night and your maids tutted, pressing cold spoons to your eyes before you were allowed to eat. Food tasted no better than dirt over the last few months and all anyone saw was how careful you were watching your figure.
How you wished things were different. The ring on your finger felt heavy, clunky; a ball and chain around your ankle would have been easier to manage.
It hadn’t been so burdensome at first, of course. Things took time. Perhaps, eventually, you might enjoy your betrothed’s company for longer than a few hours. The potential was there.
But was it enough?
Your maids fixed your makeup, did your hair, swatted your hand away when you reached for just one sip of water.
They all gushed about your fiance, how handsome and charming he was, how well conversation seemed to flow. Every single one of them forgot that the conversations were nothing more than surface level discussions that made you want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon.
You’d almost begged Neuvillette to forge something, anything, that would make this arrangement null and void. Every meeting since the engagement had been heavily supervised under the guise of protecting the Chief Justice’s reputation and your honor, whatever that implied.
Expectation had been there for years, lingered like a ghost. Not from you but from everyone else who cast their eyes on your station. One rarely, if ever, captured the Chief Justice’s attention, after all. Your family had hoped, as others had, but you were content to simply converse over dinner, at parties, exchange books and philosophies and see the man’s smile reach his silvery eyes. He spoke of opera and art in a way so few of your contemporaries could. You tried to control the flutter of your heart when he locked eyes with you across the courthouse foyer after parliament adjourned and you swore you saw his eyes glow.
He was engaging, enthralling, and it was easy to see why the nation considered him such a celebrity.
But your friendship was more than the attention, than the allure of the Chief Justice and all that he encompassed. Some might not call his rulings fair but he saw all of the trappings that Fontaine itself was guilty of pressing onto all of its inhabitants. When you came up with ideas for proposals, it was him you went to for proper language and legal references, always attempting to stay within his schedule, of course. More often than not, he would continue to prompt you to think the proposal through, consider scale and the impact and the precedent.
Never once did he give you an opinion, naturally. Just a different perspective.
“You can be dazed tomorrow,” your mother said as she snapped her fingers in your face. “Your flowers just arrived and the photographer is insisting on family shots here, at the house.”
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes as you were dressed by deft hands. It had been something of a game with your maid to pass time when you felt like trying your dress on; little had you known how the practice would backfire.
Something tugged at your gut and you fought the urge to vomit at the thought of the hands (the wrong hands) that would undo the buttons.
No, you made your choice, you reminded yourself. The guilt would fade. The love would fade.
You were closer to thirty than you cared to admit. What your family took for a phase they realized would be a dangerous precedent for your siblings.
Everything you did was for the betterment of the people, you would argue.
What good was the betterment of the people when you were neglecting your duty to your family, was often the retort thrown back with as much acid as your grandmother’s strong tea.
Family.
Duty.
Honor.
All of it was bullshit if the common people were unhappy and left to fend off wolves from above and below.
You’d never subscribed to these notions and they were content to let it be until it was inconvenient. Rather than let you advise on financial planning, to grow an endowment that could take care of the yearly costs of the estate, you were to be cattle in exchange for financial and political support.
Or you would be cast aside, disowned and dishonored, your position taken from you as if it were a rug underfoot.
And so, you accepted all of it with a smile.
You endured.
Just as you endured the flash of the kamera, the fussing over your flowers and your veil during the carriage ride to the courthouse.
The press were eager, as they always were, for gossip and fashion and for a glimpse of the Chief Justice presiding over the ceremony. They weren’t here for you, not truly. Why, of all things, had your parents insisted he be the officiant?
Wasn’t it enough that you were giving up parts of your life, parts of your soul, for a person who would never appreciate them?
Your feet already ached from your heels. A wave of dizziness slapped you across the face as you entered the lobby and you pushed through it. Music began, the doors opened, and your body moved of its own accord, just as you had practiced the night before.
Neuvillette had declined the rehearsal dinner. The one time you were glad not to see him. If you had, you wouldn’t be here now, you were certain.
You gave a cursory glance to your fiance but your attention whipped back to Neuvillette almost instantly. He’d done his best but you could see the faded dark circles under his silver eyes. How late had he stayed up, you wondered. And how long had that braid taken him?
He’d let you style it once, and only once, in the privacy of his library. Waterfalls of silken fabric couldn’t compare to the beautiful blue and white locks between your fingers. He’d been attentive when you showed him the technique, pausing his case review to do so, but…
An ache from your feet ran up to your heart and sat, heavy with longing; it hurt to breathe.
The music swelled to a close and your father kissed your cheek before he passed you along to your fiance. He smiled and you tried not to be disgusted at the sweaty hand that held yours. You held your flowers in your other hand tighter, glad that the florist had missed a thorn in trimming your flowers.
Before you could blink, Neuvillette was already speaking.
And although he was addressing everyone as he read the passage you read aloud to him on a particularly gloomy evening, his gaze never left yours. The man witnessed and knew of the cruelest things the nation allowed, worked under Honorable Focalors Herself, and yet the expression on his face (such as it was, for he was known for his unreadable countenance) was as if…
It was gone in all but a moment as he cleared his throat and prompted you to recite your vows.
It was the subtle raise of Neuvillette’s eyebrows, the way his eyes widened just enough for emphasis that did you in.
Doubt. Anguish.
Was this what you wanted?
You turned your head, every intention to get the words across your tongue and past your lips in mind, when your voice simply wouldn’t comply. All you could see was a life shackled, compromise after compromise and always made against your favor. Concessions that eventually wore down to wondering why you ever bothered.
Did you want to throttle yourself, your spirit, your drive, for potential that wasn’t even there? When the man you loved would be forever kept out of reach?
If not this, then what did you want?
The answer was literally staring you in the face.
You shoved your flowers into your betrothed’s hands and pulled away, not caring if your dress carried sweat stains as you gathered the skirts and ran as fast as your legs could carry you out the door. Commotion behind you roared to life as you haphazardly made your way through the lobby, down to the entrance, and then dashed to the side garden to avoid the headline-hungry press.
There were few options to hide, all of them easy enough to locate. Your family would drag you back if they found you. Assuming they weren’t bickering and that the wedding was even still on from your fiance’s point of view.
A single drop of rain plopped on your head, sudden and cold. Followed by another. And then there was no sun left in the sky as rain came down in sheets, heavy and frigid. Thunder rumbled through your entire being. You couldn’t stay here. Over the roar of the rain, you could hear your name. You wouldn’t heed.
You were tired of coming when called, of giving your loyalty and love to those who sought to keep you from your happiness. No better than a hunting dog.
Soaked, your hair and dress now destined for the Abyss, you slid off your heels and made your way towards the one place you might be able to wait out the rain in peace.
Over the chatter of the crowd, the rumble of thunder was unmistakable.
Of course it would rain. It wasn’t like he’d done a terrific job of hiding his own bias.
The speed at which you’d run back up the aisle was a feat, given the shoes you wore. No doubt those wouldn’t do you any good in this weather. You were probably cold, overwhelmed…
Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and Neuvillette’s hand shot out. He grabbed the nobleman’s arm before he could move, already poised to go after you.
“Leave her be. These things happen. It is best for a neutral party to resolve these matters. Wedding planners, family, or friends are usually equipped for these situations,” the Chief Justice said matter of factly.
Fight back, you absolute–
Your betrothed’s arm relaxed in Neuvillette’s grip and it took everything in the Chief Justice not to summon his power and drown him there and then. If there was one person deserving of being reduced to their primal element…
Neuvillette’s voice cut above the crowd as he called for order, requesting that guests remain where they were and that, no doubt, everything would resume shortly. Your parents were already doing a poor attempt at damage control with your supposed-in-laws. Your siblings were casting looks at the door, half-debating if they should go after you; they weren’t like you, not as headstrong, not as independent, and one look from your matriarchal grandmother sent them further into their seats.
He intervened, diffusing arguments with ease, all the while wondering if you were okay. Your parents wanted to use city resources, send out police. For once, your fiance chimed in that such a thing might scare you and you needed help, not to be dragged back kicking and screaming.
“You should go, sir,” the young nobleman said quietly as the bickering picked up again. “You said it yourself: family or friends, and her family doesn’t seem keen to fight for her.”
The man’s smile was shaky but the Chief Justice appreciated the sentiment. At least he had a brain in there somewhere.
“Be sure to keep them from saying too much to the press. Should any ask, Her Honor is also behaving…in her usual fashion.”
Neuvillette was certain his absence wouldn’t go unnoticed and the fact that the press were still clamoring at the front stairs despite the downpour wouldn’t help matters. He paid them no mind as rain pelted him, drenching his robes and suit jacket underneath. The rain did nothing to affect his vision nor his drive to find you; he was unbothered by the chill but you…you always did love curling up right next to a fire and being bundled in winter.
There was one place you might go, he pondered, that few knew about and fewer had access to. Short of you running through the city in your dress (which would not be like you), you had little options to avoid the press but to stay near the courthouse.
He found you as he expected to, under a pavilion tucked away into a quiet garden on the property, wringing out your skirts and pacing, feet bare against the wet stone. You were never still when your mind was lightyears ahead of you, be it from following trains of thought or when you were attempting to force a filibuster. Your thoughts were likely half-way to Inazuma by now and just as tumultuous as the storms he heard so much about.
His breath caught when you jumped as you caught sight of him, eyes wide and anguish carved into your face. Neuvillette stepped under the cover of the pavilion, his robes and braid dripping unceremoniously and you immediately reached to wring his hair out gently, without so much as a second thought.
The Chief Justice took off his gloves as he let you finish before he took your hands in his. He could feel the bump on your finger where you held a pen, the tender spot where your flowers pricked you.
“I can’t do it, Neu,” you choked out, shaking your head. “I can’t do it.”
“You don’t have to if it’s going to make you unhappy, if you cannot see a future with the person standing at the altar.”
He worked in rulings, evidence, facts; managing Focalors emotional outbursts was a terrible part of his job description but they never teetered into this territory. He was used to fleeting whims and de-escalation.
This? This was a decision that would change the course of your life. Not immediately, of course. But the future was a terrifying, uncertain thing, and you had expectations to contend with.
Expectations that did not involve him.
The pall of fear lifted from your face slowly, the same way morning dew disappeared from the grass. Something else blossomed in its place, like a sweet flower pushing through the cracks in the cobblestone streets, resilient and resolute.
“The thing is, I can. Just not with the man I was about to marry.”
Shooting him would have been less painful. Such an admission should have, as with all things today, been enough to make a heart soar, even manage to turn bitter water into sweet ambrosia. Your lips parted again before he could speak.
“And I understand you feel differently; you’ve never given me reason to believe otherwise and I am not asking for more than what you have to give. I would never do that to you. If I marry the man in there,” you nodded your head in the direction of the courthouse, “it will always be a lie. Maybe I’ll grow to tolerate him but I will never love him. Not like I love you. As I do now, I will spend the rest of my life looking into his eyes, wishing he was you.”
Neuvillette’s hands dropped yours to cup your face of their own accord. Before he could process anything else, he’d tilted your head up and pressed his lips to yours as if he was a man deprived of air. You were warm, despite the weather, and he could make out the familiar scent of your perfume amid the fresh flowers in your hair. He felt you relax, curve yourself into him, hands finding purchase on the soaked lapels of his robes.
He broke away, his face hot as he admired your swollen lips. Mixed in with your slight daze was that inquisitive expression he would never tire of, one you often gave to silently encourage him to continue speaking.
“Then no more wishing, mon amour,” he whispered, brushing away the stray tears pooling at the corners of your eyes. “Marry me.”
“Don’t just—”
“I should not have let it get as far as it has. What good is duty if your heart is elsewhere?”
“And where will we go, my Chief Justice? The people of Fontaine and our Archon might enjoy this scandal a little too much…it would be quite a spectacle.”
“Qiaoying Village is nice this time of year. I have an acquaintance in Liyue I can persuade to be a witness. Beyond that…we’ll let the current decide.”
His words shook something in you as you reached up and tugged at his cravat to pull him into another kiss. Longer than the last, smooth and steady like a morning tide, passion dancing like an undertow.
#neuvillette#neuvillette/female reader#neuvillette/reader#chief justice neuvillette#genshin impact neuvillette#arranged marriage#angst with a happy ending#fluff#romance#love confessions
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one thing i really dislike about "claudia was fridged" is the fundamental lack of understanding of what fridging even means. ignoring entirely why iwtv was written.
fridging is a very specific thing, that denotes a lack of agency in the death (and in general). that death is wholly about someone else (a man), and not something she could have done anything about. It comes from a green lantern, where kyle rayner heads back to his place and finds his girlfriend murdered for the sole purpose of hurting him. It' also often offscreen and irrelevant to the narrative in an of itself, apart from "i need to find my wife's killer".
claudia's death isn't that. if there is one thing to remember about her, one trait about her character, is that she has a will to move, a will to do things, that drags louis forward. Her agency is the main driving force for leaving lestat, her wanting to be able to make her choices for herself. she's the one who makes them go to paris, she's the one who wants to join the coven, she's the one who wants to turn madeleine. claudia's death is something that she's earned, brought upon by enemies she has made. lestat goes along because she's the reason louis left him. the coven goes along and cheers because she's a cog in the machine, someone who wont let them turn her into something she's not. she won't settle for anything less than absolute freedom as a vampire, and that is the reason she dies. it's also an incredibly graphic scene. there is nothing forgettable about her death, about the very image of it. claudia goes out in a blaze of rage and fire.
to call it fridging is removing her agency, and her very active role as a driving force in the story. claudia's death cannot be fridging, because she's never been passive a day in her life, from the very moment we see her on screen to the very last. she's earned her death as a character, rather than as a woman
#does any of this make sense#like#even from a writing point of view ignoring everything around iwtv and why it was written#claudia's death is not fridging#it's a conclusion to an arc of destruction that she started the moment she was turned#claudia iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#iwtv#i'm crazy about this#pisses me off because like. fridging implies that either the woman in question was never a full character (alex in green lantern)#or that her character was erased for a moment in favor of the fridging (imo babs godon in kiling joke)#you can see stories about grief without calling the death a fridging. even when the person who's dead is a woman. i promise.
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"Could you do a fic of the lost boys (David, Dwayne, Paul and Marko) with a little who wont/ can't settle. Crying whenever they're put down to sleep. What would they do?"
(As someone who loves the lost boys more than anything, Absolutely yes I can. They're like my biggest comfort characters, hope y'all like this! Forgive me if it's awkward, I haven't written a fic in a hot minute!)
It's Sunrise, Bedtime of Course!☀️
(CW: Descriptions of bugs and creepy crawlies, hurt/comfort I think?, minor angst.)
Arms reached around you while you were drawing on the floor, picking you up and peppering kisses over your face.
"Pauley I was drawing!" You said while giggling.
"Sorry sweets boss says it's bedtime.." The giggles stopped and you pouted at Paul.
"But can't we just stay up for a little bit? Please? I'm not even tired!" The puppy eyes you used were lethal, so to resist Paul put you on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. When you saw David standing right behind him.
"Sorry baby cakes, suns coming up soon. Don't worry, we'll do something fun tomorrow night okay?" David took you from Paul and headed deeper into the cave to join your Daddies for bedtime.
You started to get fussy and fidgety, something didn't feel right.. all of the boys would be sleeping above you... But you'd be all alone, in this spooky cave with things that skitter, in the dark, by yourself. Youve only just recently moved in with them, still getting used to its charms. Feeling smaller and more afraid, you tried to leave David's arms and go back.
"Woah babycakes, bedtime! Why you being fussy?" he said with tiredness and sternness in his voice, holding onto you securely. You tried to speak, but the words just weren't there- so you did the next best thing. You started to cry, you were frustrated and a little scared, being alone even if they would be less than 20 feet above you.
Dwayne and Marko, who were setting up your nest and getting one of Marko's shirts for you to sleep in, dropped what they were doing and went over to you. All of the boys were now confused as to what was wrong, which was even more stressful!
The only work you felt like you knew how to say was "No!" So you just held onto David as tight as you could and repeatedly said "No" while crying. The boys were confused, you were okay a second ago! David tried to set you down but you just clung harder to him. David is a smart boy and so is Dwayne, once you did that they shared a knowing glance. Heading behind David, Dwayne put a cool hand on your face to get your attention,
"Would you feel better if we stayed baby?" Dwayne said caressing your cheek with his thumb. With wide eyes you looked at Dwayne and quickly nodded your head, gripping onto the back of David's jacket.
"Oh honey... Why didn't you just say so? You know your daddies will always sleep with you if you want us to!" Marko cooed to you joining Dwaynes side. They frowned when they saw their effort of cheering you up just made you curl into David's embrace more, to which he tightened his own grip, rubbing soft circles with his leather clad hand.
They walked over to the nest, the baby bat still hanging on to their covens leader. Refusing to let go until all of them, David included, promised they would stay with you tonight. To which they did, offering a pinkie promise that they couldn't break. Then the tears began to slow, letting yourself be put down as long as they stayed close by. Calming down knowing they would be right here, never having to go to sleep in an empty bed again.
You put your sleeve in your mouth when Paul approached with one of their band shirts and a black paci you had gotten online. He gently grabbed your hand and saw the doe eyed, spacey look in your eyes and knew you were absolutely babyspaced right now.
"How about you trade me sugar," which caught your interest, nodding your head and shaking your sleeve along with it, laughing Paul gently tugged your wrist saying, "How about you give me this so we can get you into Daddy's shirt, and you can use your paci? How's that sound?"
You slowly let your sleeve go so Daddy could give you the paci and help you into the shirt, which makes you whine and tear up again. Being changed is your least favorite part of bedtime... Before you could start crying Paul quickly put your shirt on and wiped your eyes attacking you with kisses and bringing you to the bed. Marko looks over and joins you, sandwiching you between him and Paul.
With Dwayne jumping onto the pile and settling on using you as his stuffed animal. David joined the outside of the pile, propping his head up as he watched his little family. He reached his hand over Marko and caressed your face as your eyes began to close.
"Don't worry, nobody's going anywhere. We'll be here when you wake up, okay? Sleep well little one." David said then he blew out the candle that illuminated the cave and each of them drifted to sleep with the pull of the sun, with you feeling safe in their arms knowing your Daddies weren't going anywhere. ☀️
#agere caregiver#little!reader#agere little#agere reader#monster x little! reader#little! reader#monster caregiver#sfw littlespace#vampire caregiver#the lost boys x little! reader
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That lack of requests is criminal. Don't mind me while I churn out a couple more. (this is actually helping with my brain-deadness so I'm gonna alternate between studying and dropping stuff in your inbox lol)
Hyrule with an s/o who is also good at magic (but can't heal worth a damn) and is able to give themselves fairy wings while maintaining full height. Like they can just become a hylian-sized fairy.
And maybe he finds out because he fell off a cliff and they saved him?
- Glitter ✨
Is is gonna be similar to another ask I got. But first some random Hc’s that I don’t think go together with the story I wrote but still is fun to think about.
- Hylians could gain the abilities to have magic through other means. Hyrule, himself, being an example of that. While I am all up for half fae Hyrule, but Changeling Hyrule, and Battle Mage Hyrule is also up there. Either way how ever you look at it, Reader and Hyrule are 100% covering each other’s backs.
- If Reader is bad with healing, I am going to assume they can do more specialized magic like defense up, shielding, etc. Not actually healing but it’s still something. I imagine that Reader and Hyrule are like a sword and shield combo, though who is who is ether or as you can shield the both of you and he can heal.
- Imagine if Hyrule was the one that taught you the fairy spell? You are just more adventurous with messing with it to change your height so it can stay the same. You guys just teach each other since you’re the only two that know how to even do magic in the first place. These are just some idea’s though. If Reader was half-fae they would probably already be able to do it and can teach him too.
When your mother, Great Fairy Mija, offered your help to the Champion on his latest adventure. You didn’t expect much to come from it, nor for Link to say yes in the first place but that was beside the point. Honestly it didn’t phase you to much that there was more Link’s in the group. If anything you had heard it before from other Great Fairies that a bunch of heroes have gotten together before. And you can assume it wont be the last time this was going to happen.
What you didn’t expect was how fast they clicked and adopted each other. Though living in a Fairy Fountain you were kinda used to quick adoptions, so it wasn’t a big deal just surprising.
You were a lot slower to integrate into the group as you weren’t a hero for courage so less predictable compared to all the Link’s. Which was fine as you knew the champion, now known as Wild, had the same issue with trusting people too.
So having eight more insane semi impulsive guys to befriend wasn’t too difficult. Especially when you did openly used magic to help them in battle though you made sure to get consent before hand. You heard the stories you heard what happened to some of them it is only fair. The Hero of Twilight and Legends you were especially careful around. Rather be safe than yelled at.
You quickly noticed that the traveler who was given the title of Hero of Hyrule, was similar to Wild. It felt easier to befriend him than anyone else. Which was fun. You, him and Wild typically tended to stay together as giving your home Era’s wandering was commonplace. Hyrule did tell you about his magic when healing was needed, “You’re half fae though.” The Vet pointed out as Hyrule took over bandaging the Captain. “Wouldn’t that be natural?”
The answer was actually longer than it needed to be but that wasn’t a story for now, “well. Yes, but no.” It was also convoluted to explain and honestly with the fight everyone just went through, again it was a story for another day. “The short of the answer is that I don’t have the ability to do it safely to others… or myself.” That only earned them a quizzical look but before the conversation could be continued it was side tracked. Which was good for you.
You would of explained once everyone was better and relatively settled as it was a weird and long explanation of Magic not really being something Hylians could do in the first place with out items. Of course there were acceptions, Princesses, Gifts from the Goddess, etc. You at least wanted to tell Hyrule what you knew as he seemed to get his magical abilities in an unnatural manner. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that it was on purpose for him to find these things but, the guy literally held on to the triforce for years before secretly giving back to the princesses to hide it away.
Monsters are still after him for his blood after all.
The horror you felt when you heard him whisper that can be still felt to this day. “Why?” You asked.
“Because, thats where it was.” He whispers softly as you two walked through the path around the canyon heading into hebra mountain. The idea was to find Zelda who was near the stables waiting. Honestly there was a voice in the back of your mind that was telling you to go see your Aunt who was by Rito Village but that was probably a week trek out on foot.
“Still that magic isn’t really information that would typically be spread.” You commented offhandedly as thats not how blood magic worked. You think. It’s not like you tried. Forbidden magic is forbidden for a reason. “But Monsters are Monsters I guess.” You shrugged looking to the side into the snow. The path to hebra wasn’t the safest as it was the hardest reason.
“Well it just did…” You looked back at Hyrule there is slight movement in the snow. Unfortunately you couldn't get out the words "Lizalfos!" Before everything was in disarray.
It was quick to lose yourself in battle, but you tried to keep your calm as you fight back. Making sure that those who need it get their buff. Typically stronger people get defensive buffs, those who work better with speed gets a tad boost for that. You look to your left where Hyrule was.
Only to see him get pushed back loosing his footing. That alone made you dash forward as you feared the worse. The worse being what happened.
Hyrule fell into the Tanagar Canyon.
Just to spite that monster you sent a lighting spell his way before diving off the Canyon after the Hero. You reached out to grab him as you focused on your own magic again. Transforming your form slightly to a more natural state for you. Wing's sprouting behind you as you slowly pull him in your arms. You didn't know if you were strong enough to fly the both of you up. However you aimed for a better landing as you turn up and a slow descent.
It wasn't a soft landing but nether of you were hurt. "Are you ok?" you asked setting Hyrule down as you had to hold him a bit strangely.
"Yeah... Just surprised." He said calming his heart, he looks up at you "thank you." His gaze shifts up to the Canyon wall. "How do you think we can get up?"
"Uhhh..... Magic?" You suggest as you look at him. "You have that fae spell right?"
Hyrule made a face like he really didnt want the other to know about it "yeah... I guess."
"I can carry you in that form! Don't worry."
"That's... some how worse."
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A male reader who's super cautious around people because their queer identity has been an issue in the past, and so Negan being so explicit and flirty all the time just relentlessly getting on their nerves, and Negan just find it's so funny until he starts to realize how genuine the annoyance is, and just being like. Dude why would you EVER care about what other people think when we all know these people are horrible, and they're wrong about EVERYTHING Else, so they're wrong about you. And then they kiss 😈 (is this too cringe am i cringe bro)
(A/n): TYSMMM for the request, this is so cute!! ALSO PLEASE KEEP SENDING REQUESTS ANYONE!! I'll write almost anything as long as it's not noncon or fetish. If you're unsure just look at my character list I'll link a list of what i will + wont write for
(Warnings): snarky Negan being himself, harsh language (it's negan duh)
(Summary): Before Negan arrived it was really easy to hide your sexuality, but when he went snooping and found old photos with your ex boyfriend he obviously couldn't keep his mouth shut but it definitely went better than you can expected.
....
You hid your sexuality even before you got to Alexandria but getting to Alexandria didn't help, the way the older folk looked at Aaron and Eric made you want to curl up and wither away. So you hid yourself, you hid your family pictures, you hid your pictures of friends at pride events and your ex boyfriend in fear of them finding out and shunning you. In your dream world you'd have your family pictures around your house in Alexandria, being able to see the faces of loved ones you'd lost and reminisce on a time before the outbreak but sacrifices have to be made in the new world.
When Negan started showing up you'd only just managed to settle in Alexandria, a lot of those who may of judged you had died and your group from before such as Rick pretty much ran the show around Alexandria now. You weren't at the line up and you hadn't seen Negan kill Abraham or Glenn, you didn't know Abraham well but he seemed nice enough although you never got too close due to an itching bad feeling he was homophobic. Glenn on the other hand you got on with well, being around the same age you both instinctively became close and you'd even considered telling him you were gay but in the end you decided not to, you had known how bad he was at keeping secrets since Hershel's farm when he told Dale about Loris pregnancy and the Hershel families secret zombie collection in the Barn. You feel slightly guilty for not telling him now he's gone though, he would've always had your back.
Less than a week later Negan came banging on the gate, you were counting ammunition and had noticed missing guns but decided it would be best to stay quiet right now. He sends his men to strip peoples houses of mattresses and items he decided he wanted, you're suddenly struck with a horrid feeling of nausea knowing your photos are hidden under your mattress so you run off back to the armory to pretend to check stock.
Around your fourth time checking the stock of guns and ammo Negan bursts in, "Well hey there... Y/n?" You nod. "I believe these are yours sweetheart." He hands you your photos and you swallow hard, you can't tell if you're about to cry or scream. "Don't worry i won't tell a soul, I'm not as bad as prick makes me out to be I wouldn't out someone. Well, assuming you're not out by the way all these photos were hidden under your mattress." You hide the photos in your back pocket and shrug. "I had my men leave your mattress there and maybe we could... You know, in return for my selflessness." He gets close to your face and smirks but backe off when his men enter and you hand them the lists of stock.
The next few time's Negan visits he flirts with you relentlessly, subtle to obvious.
When you saw him walking through the gates this time you sighed knowing it'd just be another day of annoyance, he walks straight up to you and smirks, "hey handsome..." You glare at him.
"Lighten up hon' you don't like a man like me being interested in you?" He laughs to himself and you just look away, almost seething with anger but holding back for Rick's sake. Negan sees your anger and his face shows how hard realisation hit him that you were genuinely annoyed with him and not just playing hard to get.
"Look, you don't have to act all macho to make people think you're not gay. Plus, i don't understand why you're even bothered about people knowing! It's the end of the damn world, laws don't exist anymore if you didn't realise, so if someone makes your life hard over your sexuality do what i do, bash some skulls in." Your eyes soften, while he doesn't exactly have a way with words you do understand his point. "I'm not like you." You respond to him with an ounce of bitterness but he smiles, "no you're not, but you get what I'm gettin' at." His hand brushes yours and you finally look up at him and your eyes lock. "Yeah... Yeah i guess you're right." You mutter and he smiles, his face gets a bit closer to yours. "Loosen up and have a bit of fun doll."
Your lips meet, at first you're unsure and think about pushing him away but his words ring in your head "loosen up and have a little fun" So you pull him closer and the pair of you share a passionate kiss.
Wherever this is going to go, you're sure it'll upset people but you've decided that if you're going to live in a world where you could die any day you'd rather die happy than moping and hiding yourself from others.
..............
(A/n): I hope you liked it! I loved the request, sorry it took so long I've got ridiculous amounts of work to get done so squeezed this in as much as possible!
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My headcanons pt1 (because i self project on everything)
(my opinion remember this is all silly fun) (also i change my mind contantly so expect me to edit this post constantly)
Kai Smith:
the band aid on his eyebrow is there because he has an eyebrow piercing, and he wants to protect it from getting ripped in battle (also doesnt want a scolding from Wu hehe)
self harms but instead of c///ing he burns because well, obvious reasons (less likely to be found out too)
orthorexic, is obsessed with being in peak physical form
hear me out on this one, i know he eats junkfood (so do orthorexics okay every 3d is diferent) anyway he never does it alone. he eats junkood only with other people, and he's always thinking he'll "make up for it" later. so yes he eats junkfood and yes he is orthorexic (felt like i had to defend my point there dsfsd)
body dysmorphia. knows he looks good but doesnt know what he looks like
"if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldn't know how to be alive" or wtv mitski said
has an extensive skincare routine but if anyone asks him he'll just say he "washes his face with cold water"
anger issues, but like he can explode on the ninja too and then he immediately regrets it but its too late which leaves him with... ->
guilt. ALL THE TIME. its in the back of his head wherever he goes
sun aries, moon sagittarius. i wont back down on this (im a sun aries and moon sag)
claims he "doesnt care" but actually cares so much it hurts (especially about Nya/Lloyd he'd do anything for them you hear me ANYTHING)
has strong morals and ideals but will give them up in a second when needed for survival of himself or the ninja (people often see this as a bad thing but he just wants everyone to live no matter the cost)
ironically, can't handle spicy food and is ALWAYS made fun of it by the others
is reckless and takes stupid risks because he does not care for his body whatsoever (the others think he doesnt know whats at stake, he does, but doesnt care when it's just his own saftey he's risking)
lowkey a perfectionist, but has a different idea of perfect than others so they wouldnt know (aka he needs things/himself/stuff he makes to be perfect, but not perfect objectively, perfect to what he thinks is right)
loves his parents because they tried their best, but still resents them. he hates that he does, but he does
cried all of his tears out ONCE after Nyas "death" and didnt cry at all after that, instead taking so much on his plate that he didnt get a single chance to think about it again (it'd be too painul, this was easier) which lead to....->
his grief being put on hold; and only when Nya already was back did it come out and he had no idea why he was feeling this way so he didnt tell anyone (what would he have said, im in agony for no reason at all?) and it was HELL to do it alone
tied to the above; he couldn't ask for help if his life depended on it (literally)
loves too hard
hates too hard
BPD coded (i dont wanna diagnose him but,,, im justsayinnn *whistles while walking away suspiciously*)
trust issues, but lowk all the ninja have them because like,,, just look at what they have to deal w bro
commitment issues because freedom is the most important thing in the world (after Nya/Lloyd) so settling down or commiting to one thing too long feels like threatining his freedom
actually smart (both emotinally and intelligently) but doesnt use his brains capabilities that much
great memory but also shit memory (remembers a whole row of numbers for no reason but forgets he has to pick up lloyd from the arcade..)
hot. thats all i rest my case
loves himself but hates himself
everything and nothing at the same time, everything about him contradicts himself, but also doesnt, but also does
hes a really simple person, really. but also the most complex one youll ever meet.
hates labels, especially being labeled by others (for the reasons above)
likes men but hates labels so,, no labels (not even the label "unlabeled")
infact he has a deep hatred for the label 'unlabeled' because if something is unlabeled, then why are you LABELING IT
red. everything is red redredred RED he loves red
has sibling bracelets with nya and lloyd (kai has green & dark blue, lloyd red & dark blue, nya red and green)
everything has to be red except the things that are black and orange. i rest my case once again
drinks just a bit too much for it to be considered concerning (started at 14)
will yell and scream at anyone who tries to help him (why do they think he needs help? why are they babying him? why cant the see he is capable?)
wouldnt let nya touch a bottle until she was 18 (be thankful nya its for the best)
paints his nails black or red.
has a strand of hair dyed red all the time
perfect teeth even tho he often forgets to brush them (how? fuck do i know)
would be a hyena i he was an animal
hates smartphones so he has a.. push-button phone?? whatever they're called. and he also only has the nokia brand. wont change it for a thing
"hates technology" but couldnt live without video games
loves to try new things but will have a breakdown if he HAS to try new things
stubborn asf, wont ever do anything he doesnt want to, which...->
makes people think he's selfish, but actually he's quite the opposite
selfless in an unconventional way, i'll make a drawing explaining it
please understand what i mean with that chart because it explains it so well in my brain
thats it for now cfdsfdr
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