#i wont be able to wear them for another full day while they dry

[rindomness]

btw and not to distract from my unhinged blink shark and wider taz posting but i DO think its very funny that, despite having lived in a desert my entire life, i am drawn most heavily to like. water-based and ocean-based analogies and metaphors and stuff. i do not live anywhere near an ocean

[curious-menace]

Hey can I get a headcanon of any riddler of your fancy finding his partners hidden treasure trove of sex toy goodies after stooping around their home, probably while they're out and how they'd react?

oh ho! any riddler?! this is a blank check for mayhem! 

i have naughty hands and no self control so ima do all my riddlers hahahah

this is only a lil ns fw so no below the cut this time 

Arkham riddler

oh.

OH.

First response is he goes BRIGHT RED. H-He was looking for something else, like an allen key or a pack of batteries or something! He didn't mean to snoop! He’ll throw all the toys back in the drawer or box and hurry away like nothing happened. he did find batteries but was to embarrassed to use them.

his face is going to be bright red for hours, you’ll easily be able to tell something is up but he wont tell you what.

but that being said, hes not going to be able to stop thinking about them. he feels a little naughty for doing it but hes imagining you using them, on him, on yourself. the idea is filthy to him but very intriguing.

Don't expect him to EVER mention it again but if YOU brought up the idea or told him you had some toys to play with, he’d have a hard time hiding his excitement. He hasn't stopped thinking about them since and he has some IDEAS. 

Blacklight Riddler

oh ho! rubbing his little fingerless gloved hands in glee. treasure trove is the right word to use, all his christmases have come at once when he finds this gold mine. 

He knew you were kinky but he had no idea you were THIS kinky, why would you keep this from him??? 

hes like a child in a candy store. what does this one do??? ohh this one vibrates! ooh a purple and green one, did you get this specially for him?

Don't be surprised if you come home and find him elbow deep in your drawer or box still rummaging and exploring, possibly with condoms scattered around him like confetti and bondage rope around his neck like a scarf. 

He’s going to ask right away to play with some of these. he might even sneak off to use them by himself but he will GLADLY let you do the hard work. 

He’s going to want to go to the sex toy shop with you. can you get some couples toys? will you peg him?? OH! what about some of those cool remote control toys??? he can make some custom ones for you both to use if you want! Man is going to be bouncing off the walls, you're going to need to get him to calm down before you can do anything. he’s enthusiastic to say the least.

BTAS Riddler

oh? what on earth is th-AGH! *flings a wobbly pink dick across the room in a panic*. Que overdramatics . lots of “my eyes are SOILED! MY HANDS WILL NEVER BE CLEAN AGAIN!” 

Will probably screech “WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THIS?!” into an empty house.

i think its the shock more than anything. he’s a germaphobe and he wasn't wearing his gloves while he was rummaging and he wasn't expecting to touch something so...intimate with his bare hands. this has ABSOLUTELY been inside you and it feels...off for him to touch it. He hopes to god you are as particular about cleaning these as you are about the rest of your cleaning.

once the initial fright wears off, he probably feels a bit guilty for nosing about. He wasn't looking for your intimates specifically, he was just being inquisitive, maybe looking for birthday or christmas presents. I think like arkham riddler, he’d probably be unable to get the image out of his head. he'd probably have to go back for another look. 

he has to work up the courage to talk about it. he’s probably expecting to get yelled at, he shouldn't have been rummaging through your things in the first place.he doesn't REALLY need to confront you about this. but he’s insecure as all hell and he needs to know, is he not good enough? is he not satisfying you? why do you need these toys if you have him? please be gentle in explaining, whatever your answer is. 

Original riddler

so freaking blase about the whole thing. you could leave them in the fridge or something and he’d be like “hmm, cheese, ham, dildo....hey y/n we’re nearly out of milk!” 

he doesn't exactly want dicks or fleshlights left out around his apartment but he’s not so insecure about you having them. he knows he cant be there for you 24/7. maybe your schedules are conflicting, maybe you just want some quite alone time, he’s not judging, he does it too.

might tease you a little about your taste in toys. like if you have massive dicks he’s going to call you a size queen, regardless of your gender. or if you like weird ones like that windmill oral thing he’s going to call you a kinky lil freak .

i don't think he has any of his own but he’d be quite happy to use yours on you if you wanted.

unlike the others, he probably respects your privacy enough to not go looking for them or even rummaging through your things. but he is childish as all hell. if you left them out in a shared space he’s going to mess around with them, like pretending to give you a neck massage only to bust out a hitachi wand or something.

despite his bravado and not really minding that you have them, his mouth will go a little dry if you bring up the idea of domming him by using them on him . that's....an intriguing idea. 

Telltale riddler 

well. hes not THRILLED about this discovery. But given how often he’s gone, either for work or running from the law, he cant exactly blame you. you have needs he’s clearly not meeting.

he’s pretty tempted to take your batteries away from you for badness. 

he gets a devious idea looking at your toys. He’s offended! how could you replace him with plastic and silicone?! he’s much better than any toy. guess he’ll just have to prove it to you. 

he’ll probably confront you as soon as you get home. something like “been keeping secrets from me?” but like. in a sexy voice, not an angry one. 

He’s obviously a little ticked off but tries to keep it playful. you can definitely expect him to spend the day making it up to you. he’s going to tease you, hes going to ask if you think of him while you use them , maybe even use some of them on you himself but pulling away at the last moment as punishment . if you want relief you’ll have to ask him nicely.

he’d be absolutely speechless if you flipped the script on him. listen he might be 60 but suddenly he’s a teenager again, embarrassed and unable to form coherent sentences in the face of your exuberant confidence. once he gets his footing back however you two are going to be playing hella games. he’s going to want to sext while he’s gone, send you naughty photos and get some back. maybe the toys aren't such a bad thing after all?

Zero year riddler

you’ll for sure know if this riddler has found your stash. you’ll come home and he’ll be drinking out of a dick shaped straw, wearing those dumb penis glasses you see at bachelorette parties. he’ll have decorated with rope or feather boas , taken polaroid photos of him posing with your toys and stuck them to the walls. he’ll have  a smug look on his face but play totally innocent like “something you wanna tell me, y/n?” Shame is not an emotion this riddler is capable of. 

he was looking through your things on purpose because he’s a nosy shit. He likes knowing your secrets to mess with you later. He wished he had a camera to record his reaction upon finding THIS secret.sheer unfiltered joy  .He’s for sure recording your reaction to him putting you on blast so you two can laugh about it later.

 he might feel a LITTLE guilty depending on your reaction. if you react badly or really embarrassed he might feel bad for crossing a line and apologise . He’s still a little shit about it but he’s an apologetic little shit. 

all of these riddlers pretend they're the most confident person in the room but , like the others, if you turn your charm and confidence on him, he’ll crumble like a dry sandcastle. 

He doesn't want to admit he has NO clue what any of these toys do. like why is this one shaped like an egg?...it goes WHERE?!

rare moment of nervousness from him if you ask him to use them on you/ on him. again, he doesn't know what the heck he’s doing with toys but he’ll be damned if he admits that. feel free to mess with him as payback. this is what he gets for running his mouth and poking his nose into other peoples business 

there you go nonnie! i actually got this one out pretty quickly, i wasnt expecting to do it that fast hah. i like doing asks like this, that are a little nsfw but not so much i have to hide them under a read more.

that being said, full nsfw asks are my jam XD

Got something you wana ask me? feel free to send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

[chemicallady]

Dr and Dr Reid

Part I , Part II.

A/N : Hello everybody! It's me again with the second part of my Dr&Dr series! I hope you will enjoy it! If you like this idea, tell me something about it. If is too boring, I’ll moving on another subject ^^

Couple: Spencer Reid x Researcher!Reader

Category: little angst

Warnings: descriptions of dead bodies and decomposition.

Summary: BAU is involved in a casa in Golconda, Nevada. Reader is an expert in tools' marks for the local FBI settlement and Spencer isn't aware of it.

*****

January 17, 2007

Golconda, Nevada.

After a seven hours trip by car, you are already done. God only knows how are you supposed to work after that. Nevada’s unpleasant weather is drying your lungs breath by breath, while you’re reaching the area under federal surveillance. Your supervisor have asked you to keep the tools’ marks on a dead body in order to determinate the object used on the victim because, if you will be lucky, you eventually use the results for an article or your thesis. If the Feds wont have any problem with that. 

The point is that... Well. The victim is not like you have figured out. You are an expert on skeletal remains but in front of you there is a full torso, coverd in tattoos and with a huge wound on the top of the sternal bone. No head, no legs or arms but a lot of dead meat. The view is awful but the smell is the worst. It’s taking your breath away. 

You put a hand over your mouth and apologise, but you need a moment. Leaving your kit under the tend, you move some steps along the path and start to breath slowly with your mounth. It's too hot for your first dismembered body, but you can't let go this opportunity. Some agents are already look at you with a glaze of pity and you can't accept it.

You are strong, you can do it.

Or at least you can try, you attended a lot of authopsy before. 

Back to the tend, your supervisor is talking with an old man and an awsome guy, both with the FBI badge. You look at them while you're wearing your gloves and this beautiful, fit special agent keeps his sunglasses off and look back to you.

With a blush, you start to work. The coroner gives you the permission to take some photos and apply a paste on the cervical bone and on the broken omerous. You are waiting it to be dry when the two agents approce you.

《 Hi ma'am. I am Special Agent Morgan and this is Special Agent Gideon. Can you tell us which tool was used on the victim?》

《Ah-Well; I need some minutes more but I believe that is more that just one....》 you slow while you're speaking, looking at the guy who are join the party right now. 《....tool.》

Morgan follows your eyes and looks at Reid, who seems to be really surprised by your presence. 《Hi pretty boy, don’t be shy. We are speaking with the expert to find out what was used on this poor guy. She is... I am sorry, I didn't catch you name.》

Because he didn’t ask. You open your mounth to answer but Spence is faster. 《She is (y/f/n). She is a PhD candidate at UNLV.》

《You really know everything . , says a young agent, following him. She is a slim brunette, sassy. You like her at the first sight.

Spencer blushes, 《I met her several months ago.》 He is speaking like you aren’t in there with them and that piss you off a lot. Then finally he speaks to you directly. 《Hi (y/n). Is a pleasure to meet you again.》

You are speechless. 《Yeah, whatever》 you cut the conversation, took off the paste and look at the marks closely. You dont wan’t to meet  Spencer’s eyes because the afternoon is too hot and dry to pretend to be nice on him and faking a smile. 《In my opinion the murderer used two tools for dismember the victim's body: a serrated knife and a hand saw. I can be more specific after a visual confrontation if you ask to》

《Thank you miss (y/s/n), you are really helpful.》

Morgan smiles to you and you answer as well, before rise up and go to your supervisor, ready to reach the morgue for working on that traces.

Gideon moves on the car and Spencer is left with Emily and Morgan. 《She hates you》, she says, with a smirk. 《What did you do?》

For the first time in a while, he seems speechles.  «Nothing», is the short answer he gives to them. ‘I was an asshole’ would be the real one. Or at last, what he feels. 

****

You hear that the criminal- the guy who is called Unsub by the FBI’s agents- had taken a couple of hostages before disappear again. One of them is the sceriff herself. Than, you recive a call from you supervisor, who ask you to go to another location in the nearby, supporting the BAU squad after they clean the scene. 

«There are probably human remains involved. Go and check with Supervisor Special Agent Hotchner.»

You start to believe that maybe the FBI needs you or maybe you need the FBI if even the boss is so hot like Aaron Hotchner is. You are young and always look at the bright side, even while you are keeping humans ribs off a lot of handmade garden decorations and it’s so gross even for you. You love Halloween and macabre arts project, but this is too far.  

And Spencer is here as well. The two of you don’t have a proper conversation since you have reached Golconda because both of you are working, but now, in the middle of the country side, while you are puking your guts out, on the burned grass of the garden, he is the one who offers help to keep your hair back. 

This isn’t you first crime scene, but the best part of your job is working on cold cases, if it’s need. You are a researcher (almost), a lab rat, not an investigator. You are use to bones and sometimes mummies from the desert, not to the harsh smell of blood and rotten meat which infested the shed in the backyard. There is a surgical room and a body inside, but they saved the sheriff at least. 

A light breeze is caressing your face and makes you feel better. You are greatful to Spencer when he offers a bottle of water to you. 

«When the work comes to the lab it looks nicer», you tell him, receiving a soft smile in return.  «If it’s true that I’ll never forget the first time, I’ll be ashamed forever...»

«You don’t have. It’s a normal response of your body in front of a situation which is fondamental -»

«Thank you Spencer. I approciate your scientific enthusiasm, but.... Chill out.»

You sit on the ground, tying your hair and keep a huge breath.  «How’s going on?»

«Better. Thank you for the approciation Dr Reid. You should go back to work before your sexy boss notices that you are wasting your time on me.»

«I am not wasting-wait. Did you just say that Hotch is sexy?»

«Hell, he is.»

Spencer looks confused for a moment, after looking around him, maybe to spot the subject of the conversation. That gives you time to reach for a chewing gum on your pocket. 

The silence between the two of us is really unpleseant, but you dont have nothing else to say. Is Spencer’s turn and he doesn’t disappoint you. Not at all.

«I know why you are mad at me.»

«Do you know, Dr Reid?»

He sighs.  «Can you stop, please? I dont like when you are so formal with me, I believed that we had passed it.»

«Yeah, well. You’ve stopped answer my letters and phone calls without having the decency to give me a solid explanation.... So guess what? We hadn’t passed over anything.»

He lowers his head, aware that he is in the wrong.  «I just.... My job is demanding...»

A small, bitter laught leaves your lips.  «You really believe that you’re the only one in the world who actually has a demanding job? C’mon you can find a better excuse. If you cared, you’d answered. Aren’t you able to write a message? with... 3 bachelors and 3 PhDs?» 

You’re being mean, you know that, but he hurts your feelings. You two had 3 intensive months of letter’s exchange. You wrote the first one a week after you got his address at the conference in Vegas. A four pages letter, in which you explained to him your PhD project and shared with him throughts and stuffs. He replayed with a 14 pages letter. That’s how it started. He told you about his mom’s issues, his scholar experience and how was growing up in Vegas. You shared with him your experinces, moving away from home, how your family is, how you are fond of cats and dogs. You talked about your own pet, with him ...

That’s how you two became intimate.  

It escalated fast. 

After a month, you gave him your number and the two of you started to call each others, first twice a week, than more and more. Even just to sei ‘hi’ and know about how the other feels in that specific moment. From you, it was enough to hear his voice to be happier. 

He helped you in the bad days and made the good days better.  

And you fell from him, because Spencer is a nice guy. At least, he looked like a nice guy untill letters and calls stopped. And he disappeared from your life in a couple of weeks. You hadn’t a news from him since ten days before Golconda’s case. The Destiny is involved for sure, because you believed that you wont see him again. 

But there you are, sitting next to him. In silence. 

Is too much for you. And no, he doesn’t know why you are so mad at him. You are mad at yourself, because you don’t let people in, usually. You were hurt so much in the past that know you are tired of being everybodies fooled.

Guys are nice ‘till they are not, your mom always says. 

That’s true. Men are all the same in the end.  

That’s why you get on your feet, taking away your gloves. You almost forgot you’re still wearing them.  «I need to go back to the morgue. Bye, Dr Reid.»

«Is better this way. (y/n)», he says, in a rush. You look at him standing fast and you rise a elbow. No clue about what he is saying.  «Maybe my job is not too demanding for me.. But it will be for you. Trust me. Is better for you not being involved with me... I wasn’t aware that our relationship could be that deep.»

«Relationship? We don’t have anything. This is so stupid and... Selfish!», you almost yell, angry at him because it doesn’t make any sense!  You calm down when you feel a glaze on you. SA Morgan is looking at you two, but he immediatly turns away when you notice him. «Have a nice day, Dr Reid.»

He watches you helplessly as you walk away. «Dont say anything», the warns Morgan, who is approching him with a smirk. 

«Can I say that she is on fire and you look dumb, pretty boy?»

Spencer sighs, scrolling his shoulders. «It’s a long story.»

«Yeah? Such a pity that we don’t have time. Gideon found our man, we need to move now», he says, before teasing Spencer a little. «You’ll have time for your love business after we close the case.» 

«There is no ‘love business’, Morgan. We are... fine. Friends. I guess we were...»

«You sure? That little bird probably thinks otherwise», Mogan says, claps him on the shoulder.

Spencer sighs again, looking you in the car, waiting the coroner to go back to the morgue. For a second, your glazes meet, but you look so... deeply hurt. And he understands that- again- he makes a mistakes on another, just because he wants to preserve someone who is dear to him. 

But yes, he has no time now, but he have to apologize to you. And he will.

As long as they close the case. 

[thefivecalls]

Nope! Nopenopenopenopenope. I am done repeating the shortcuts in life with mental illness and chronic pain. These can probably extend to others but this is specifically from my depression and chronic pain in my leg and lower back:

-drink milk when you cant stand solid foods, it fills you the quickest and lasts the longest (specifially 2% for me, almond a close 2nd. Skim is too watery)

-Saltines, Peanut Butter, and apple slices/sauce are good fillers if you dont feel hungry but know you need to eat. You dont need many and it wont make you sick if you eat too much by accident

-Keep a jug of water in your fridge. Cold water helps ground me sometimes if I get spacy. (Ive heard ice cubes work too? Havent tried that since we dont have ice trays so can't vouch.)

-Apple juice is the best thing to drink to stay awake for long periods of time. Coffee makes anxiety amp up, pineapple and orange juice gives you a jolt but it wears off quickly, cranberry makes me feel more tired somehow, and I simply dont like grapes so idk about them. Apple juice wakes you up relatively quickly and lasts for a while so try it

-If hot liquids are a comfort for you, a thermos helps by making it last longer. I got mine for 3 dollars at goodwill. Soaked it in white vinegar for three days to clean the insides and then put it through a dishwasher. Practically new again.

-if cold things are your comfort, a small lunch cooler by your bed is great cause you can fill it with cold things before a spiral or attack or if you can feel the spasms coming and you can set it next to your bed.

-Peppermint is a natural stimulus. Spearmint gum is a nice smack in the face if you need quick grounding.

-dry shampoo and a brush will make you feel So Much better than before

-Stridex face cleansing wipes are good for cleaning your face quickly and with minimal effort.

-If you can't bring yourself to clean your room, change your sheets. Its the smallest thing that can help you the most during a downward spiral

-Don't spend too much time in bed. It will train your brain Not to sleep there, so move to your window or a couch.

-Washcloth showers! Get a bowl with warmish water and soap and a washcloth, sit down on a stool and wipe off the sweat and grime. It's amazing to feel clean without having to withstand standing in a shower for 40 minutes

-theres this mouthwash spray you can get. Use it when you cant get up to brush your teeth

-Ibuprofen and Tylenol slowly get weaker as you use them. Rub tiger balm on the area of pain and it'll help you so much

-DONT FALL ASLEEP ON A HEATING PAD. Constant heat makes bad burns! And if you're drugged up on sleep meds you probs wont wake up til they where off, and Trust me you dont want to go to the ER at 3 in the morning with a 2nd degree burn on your back and legs

-Today's a home day? Socks. Fucking Hell wearing socks makes it easier to walk and you can slide on hard surfaces! And they keep your feet warm if you put on thermals or wool

-Thoughts being loud? Audio books or music. Rewind if you get trapped up there, dont worry about it cause we've all had to re listen to something at some point. Or some text-to-speech apps for things like fanfics or stories. (I use Text to Voice - Read Aloud. Its pink and has a microphone)

-Compression sleeves! They help apply a constant (somewhat soothing!) pressure. I've got a knee one and a full leg sleeve. Athletic stores have them sometimes for injuries and whatnot.

-Fairy Lights are dim so they dont hurt your eyes, plus they're pretty and come in lots of colors! Mine are purple and white

-men's sweatpants are much more comfy then woman's. Cheaper too.

-An actual alarm clock helps me when executive dysfunction is stopping me. It forces me to get up and I got mine cheap from Wal-Mart. Plug it in away from where you are and set it for sunlight hours.

-Sweatshirts get smelly fast. Some lightweight long sleeves are good alternatives cause they still cover you but they dont suffocate you and you can where them longer

-A squish monster! Ive got an octopus plushie, my friend has a dragon plushie, another friend has a marshmellow one. Good for comfort (and you'll never outgrow it. We're all 16-19, but 2 of the parents that taught us this still use ones themself)

-Sunglasses and eyedrops are good for bloodshot eyes

-Find a comfort video or tv show or movie. Watch it on the bad days. How to train your dragon, atlantis the lost civilization, and Treasure Planet are 3 of my favorites.

-Stale air sucks. Get a small camping fan and set if up near your bed. A couple of D batteries later and you got air movement

-This is more of a coping mech for me, but write down your thoughts and then counter them. It can get hard but things like "Your friends won't leave you" written by your own hand is satisfying to look at. Ive got an old school pad for mine and i keep it on my floor next to my bed

-Blindfolds can be a double edged sword-it can help by taking away your sight and helping you focus internally, but they can also force you into your head and get you stuck there. Use them carefully!

-be nice to yourself! You cant always act at 100%! Even if everyone else is at 70% and to match them you have to up your anty. Coaxing yourself like a scared animal is much better than beating yourself up about not being able to do things.

Feel free to add on, I'll be doing more when I can think of them!

[inviouswriting]

Short installment of them.

Meeps and Fae'a belong to @meepsthemiqo I hope I wrote them right. And kept it light to be pg-13. Thank you for helping me cheer up a bit yesterday.

Kiya looks up at blue eyes staring at her. They found a spot to sit down at in the goblet. The pool was empty of people providing the right atmosphere for bonding.

Aymeric let's his wife toy at his lips, a finger tracing over the edge till he nips at her finger for tickling.

Kiya feels a rush in her spine seeing him catch her hand in his own and spread kisses all over it with small meaningful kisses pressed to each finger and fingertip.

Aymeric feels her wiggle her fingers from each kiss. He feels a single finger placed on his lip he kisses it as it passes by the center. His eyes look at her with adoration in them, and she feels fortunate to have him in her life.

Aymeric sees the look in her eyes and before she could bring anything up he tugs her to him, he claims a full kiss that leaves her mind swimming.

"Aymeric?" Kiya casts her gaze to the side after the kiss.

"I know you by now. If you think I am going to allow sadness to creep into your face tonight. I shall do all evening to ensure you never feel it." His words come off endearing but feels more of a playful threat. Wry grin and his eyes hold all of his promise.

"And just what would you do?" She grasps his tie and tugs him closer. He eyes her tilting his head to the side.

"The things you know I am good at." He dips his head closer to hers. Kiya moves her head as he tilts it back to brush his lips against hers. Catching her bottom in his teeth gently.

Kiya feels her face burn a bit at the intent behind his nibbling.

"Aymeric.. I..."

"Aymeric, I, what?" He blazed a trail of kisses from her lips up the side of her face. Till he landed on her neck. Nipping at it.

"Aymeric! We're in public!" Aymeric smirks against her skin.

"But no one comes out to here at this hour. We should be fine. But was that truly what you wanted to tell me?" Aymeric tilts her back and continues to nibble at her neck.

Kiya feels her face heating up. She brings a hand up to his face and playfully shoves him back. Aymeric feints hurt at her denying him her neck any longer. His eyes turn down and instead goes for the soft spot at the top of her sternum. He earns a keen of surprise as he nibbles and sucks at the skin to leave a mark there.

"Aymeric! Why there!?! I wont be able to wear anything like this for a while." Kiya feels him do his head lower to leave another love bite.

"Hmm, you could wear those outfits for me. I feel like littering your body with as many as I can place on your skin." Aymeric catches an ear between his lips and he has her.

"I love you... but please somewhere more... semi private then?" She whispers enough for him to hear.

"Oh like behind the statue? Like on our honeymoon?" Aymeric touches on her face with a thumb on her cheek over the heart she has there. Kiya's head is tilted closer to Aymeric and they share another kiss.

"Vampire!" Both Kiya and Aymeric freeze, a mortified look on her face and a shocked one on Aymeric's.

They turn to see a familiar face on the edge of the pool. Fae'a with Meeps giving the two lovers a satisfied smirk of busting them both.

"He is a vampire!" The young one repeats, and Kiya scrambles out of Aymeric's embrace to look decent. Aymeric coughs and tries to think of a way to explain.

"Yes, he is a vampire. Practicing to be one for All Saint's Wake. We will leave it at that." Meeps confirms for them to make it easier.

Kiya curls her tail around herself and pins her ears to her head. Aymeric hides a smirk behind a hand at seeing his wife so flustered.

"What brings you two out so late?" Aymeric summons his voice.

"Fae'a was wound up so an evening bath to wear him out. I could ask what are you two doing out here, but there is a child present now." Aymeric nods understanding.

"Just on a date. About to head home soon." Kiya finally speaks up and once she feels well composed of herself they both walk over to the mother and son. Aymeric kneeling down to lift Fae'a up. Meeps notices the forlorn look on his face. Then turns to Kiya.

"Only a few more months for you right? Then you will enjoy that sight." She points to Aymeric absolutely fawning over Fae'a and nuzzling his face with his own.

Kiya smiles wistfully. The dress she wears a bit loose over the bump.

"Aye, he's worried sometimes if he'll be a good father." Kiya catches Aymeric's stare. Meeps looks between the two.

"I don't have doubts. If he treats Fae'a like his own, then your child will be spoiled let alone have him doting left and right." Meeps notes Kiya smile brief, a sense of longing behind her eyes.

"May I talk with you a bit?" Meeps asks, and looks over to Aymeric.

"Could you help give him his bath while I steal your wife for a moment?" Aymeric nods and they walk to a very shallow spot where Fae'a can splash and play about.

Meeps takes Kiya off out of earshot.

"I heard from Shuri that you tried to ask about your past self from Amaurot. To Kivera." Kiya nods.

"My advice is to leave it be. Kivera knows what she is doing when it concerns the matter. Some things are best off forgotten. And you should not stress yourself while pregnant." Kiya raises her head up at Meeps words and nods.

"Now, you should get some rest while you can." Meeps turns to head back and Aymeric holds a well worn out Fae'a. Drying him off.

"One worn out child." Aymeric hands Fae'a over to Meeps and she smiles.

"Aymeric, I should have you do this more often." Meeps takes over and Aymeric sees a gentle expression on Kiya's face when she sees him dote on children.

"Something on my face?" He teases. Kiya shakes her head and laughs slightly.

"No, just wondering how I ended up with a generous man. We should get home so Meeps can get her little one to bed. I fear if we overstay we will just write him up." Kiya looks to Meeps who confirms this. Aymeric nods and bids farewell to Fae'a.

Kiya nuzzles him brief before they leave the two. Giving Meeps a smile and thanking her for her advice. Fae'a patted at her stomach long enough to feel a faint movement, face lighting up at the feel of life inside of Kiya.

They both walk in silence to the apartment Kiya claimed a while back. Aymeric follows her inside.

They spend their time to make something to eat and then wind down with relaxing with each other. Kiya feels his hands on her and she becomes lost in his touch. Gentle and takes his time to make her feel loved without it leading to something more intimate. He merely touches her and caresses neglected spots from her face, hands, arms, and the swell of her abdomen.

Kiya feels protected in his arms as she lays with him on a floor sofa with the edge of the kotatsu blanket tugged over their hips.

Aymeric holds her in his arms face buried into her neck listening to her breathing.

"I pray to Halone each day that you and our child is healthy and happy. I hope to provide you with happiness." Kiya winds her arms around him.

"You already make me happy Aymeric. Giving me so much that I wish I could return it." Aymeric raises his head to look her in the eyes.

"Oh? I think I know of how." Kiya looks at him quizzically.

"Just be with me. And stop chasing the events of a past that you shouldn't remember? I dont know what I would do if I lost you the same way Kivera lost Damien." He hugs her to him and Kiya feels her cheeks flush at realizing how selfish she had been in her quest for a lost identity.

"Okay. I'll be with you. I mean I am already married to you." Kiya says and Aymeric smiles moving to pin her beneath him now.

"Hey! Be gentle with me. I'm innocent." This gets a raised eyebrow out of him.

"Innocent? Hmm.. I have sordid memories of you acting all but that." Aymeric lowers down and sees that look in his eye from earlier.

"But I am innocent." She counters.

"Not by the time I am done with you then." He lowers down and claims her in a kiss to start other affections.

[hwanggeum-ashi]

Bun In The Oven

➝Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x reader

➝Genre: fluff, smut( impreg kink,filthy talk idk)

➝Word count: 1854

➝Note: this is prolly not what you wanted but I tried my best and this is my first time writing this so idk. Also I couldn't figure out how to post it under the ask so I made a separate post lol

Baby magazines, books and pictures were splayed all over the bed, where you were currently

sitting with awestruck eyes

You flipped through the pages ‘aww-ing’ at the baby pictures all so cute one after the other

You looked up to check the time— 9:23pm. Your eyebrows furrowed. he should be here by now

You grabbed your phone from the table to call him but at the same time front door opened

“hey baby” he kissed you as soon as you came running out of the room “how was your day?”

You grabbed his suitcase and helped him out of his coat “oh it was amazing. All the girls were jealous of the ring!” you said waving the big diamond on your third finger at him. He chuckled in response “well I’m glad you had fun. My day was shit”

You followed him to the room and began massaging his shoulders when he plopped down on the bed “Namjoon made you work too hard?”

“That and I’ve got to work this weekend”

Your mouth involuntarily morphed into a pout “but we have dinner at mom’s this weekend”

He tapped your hands to tell you to stop massaging “thanks babe-” He went to the table to remove his tie and watch “-i know about the dinner but this work.. It’s really important. We can call and reschedule yeah?”

You gave him a back hug and kissed his shoulder, both looking at each other through the mirror “yeah I’ll call mom. Dinner will be ready in 15. Wash and come out yeah?” He turned to kiss you “okay”

Your thoughts drift to today’s baby shower while you set the table. Your friend was looking so beautiful with all the pinks and whites—her theme for it.She looked so happy

You couldn’t help but sigh at the idea of how your baby shower would go

Your daydreaming got the best of you and your thoughts drifted further. You’d be all clad in pastels and bit of gold

Balloons everywhere. Pretty cake, chocolate of course, you can’t handle the cream of fondant

Your parents and his parents, friends all together surrounding you

And the gifts

Oh them gifts, loads and loads of them

You’d be lying if you say you weren’t holding a baby shower for gifts

It all comes down to presents anyway lol

“what is my baby all smiling about?” a pair of strong arms encircled you. You jumped a little then relaxed.

“just thinking about today, you know..” his head was resting on your shoulder, wet hair making your ears cold. “yeah? Tell me about it”

He helped you bring the food to the table and once you both settled, you started giving cinematic details about the baby shower

He was all smiles listening to you with one hand tucked under his chin. Gosh he was so in love with you

“it was so beautiful kookie. I wish you were there”

You both were now cleaning up. “I really want that you know?” Jungkook behind you stopped in his tracks. His eyes shining with mischief “oh yeah?”

You turned around beaming at him only to find him smirking at you. You knew that look. And uh-oh you were in trouble

“y-yeah..”

He took a step towards you “then”

Another step

“how about”

Another one

“we make”

And another

“that happen?

You were now trapped between him and the kitchen slab. He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, letting his hand softly slide down your cheek

"You’re so beautiful. And you’ll be more beautiful with my baby in you” You gasped at his bluntness and he took the opportunity to kiss you

He bit your lower lip, pulling it. His hands holding your waists, fingers digging in the flesh

He kissed down your neck, moving your shirt aside

His hands travel up your stomach to your breasts. He squeezes it “mm fuck.. No bra?”

“it’s freaking 11, who wears a bra at home” A harsh slap came down on your ass making you jump, mouth open. “you watch your tone with me baby girl”

“y-yes..”

“yes what?” he squeezes your ass bringing your core exactly in line with his crotch

“yes jungkook”

Hearing his name out of your mouth all breathless was something that riled him up too quick. At the feel of his hand under your thigh you jump up and wrap your legs around his torso. He effortlessly carried you to the room, kissing you all the way.

“mm fuck you’re too hot” jungkook’s mouth is latched onto your neck sucking red purple bruises.

Your fingers dig in the flesh of his biceps. Oh god them muscles.  "fuck kook!“

His lips find purchase under your earlobe which makes you moan out loud. His hands roam all over your naked breasts, giving them a harsh squeeze. You arch up under his touch, mouth open. "fuck too soft ugh baby!”

His fingers twist and pinch your nipple which only harden further. His hands travelled down from your breasts to your stomach, tracing the middle area. His hands stays on your belly and he put a little pressure, making you gasp. “soon it’ll be our little baby putting pressure in there.”

Your eyes close on your own and you press your head further into the pillow. Your breathing became heavy as he assaulted your boobs knowing fully well how sensitive you were there.

He traced kisses from your abdomen to the underside of your breasts. His lips suck at the supple flesh, finally finding the protruding nub and your breath hitches. He sucks and bites your nipple earning a loud moan from you. “Fuck I can’t stop thinking about how you’ll look with these breasts full of milk. I’ll milk you dry baby. Fuck I’ll be drinking that like a man thirsting.”

Your head sways to your left, eyes shut closed tightly, breathing fast and hard at the images he put on your mind. The view of you all plump and soft makes blood rush to his already hardened cock.

one of his hands come in contact with your inner thigh, urging you to pull your legs apart and you oblige. He leaves a trail of wet kisses all over your inner thigh, repeating the process on the other leg.

His fingers run incessantly on your engorged clit, all swollen up due to lack of release. You moan when he uses the tip of his nails to add more sensations. The pleasure has your arching your back so high that it hurts and eliciting his name from your mouth. “J-Jungkook!!”

He inserts in two fingers without warning with his free hands and your hole is gaping. His pace is slow, fingers going in and out of you, skin of his fingers feeling the softness and the warmth of your cunt.

It’s soft and pillowy where he puts pressure to make you grip his arm and wrist. Your breathing is ragged and you feel the familiar knot in your stomach. “I’m close kook!” his name comes out as a whine.

“it’s alright baby, cum for me” and god you do. You let loose when his middle finger pushes up to press on your g-spot. Your legs are shaking and vision all white. You meekly shake his hand away that is still playing with your clit because of overstimulation.

He gives you breather as he strokes his own length, covering it with your cum and his pre cum. And fuck that is a sight to behold. You bring your hand out to hold his cock but he slaps it away and quickly settles himself between your legs.

His cock pokes at your entrance and you’re already gaping at the feeling. “gonna fuck you so hard with my cock, you’ll be mess.” he states as he pushes the whole of his length inside you. Your hands delve into his back muscles as you moan.

He brings himself all the way out and snaps into you with such a force that has you moving up slightly. His hands go back to your breasts once again. “You look so fucking hot with my cock in you. Imagine how you’ll look when I’ll fuck you while you’re all round and full of our baby.”

Obscene images flash your mind and your core decides to gush out a new wave of wetness. “You like that huh? Me fucking you even when you’re pregnant? You like it all don’t you? Want me to suck you dry, drink all of your milk huh?”

His thrusts fastens as he pistons in and out of you, clearly aroused by the thought himself too. He pulls your legs up to your chest finding a better angle to reach the deepest part of you.

You’re putty in his hands, too drunk on his cock and mouth that is currently biting your nipple.

His free hand travels down to where you both are joined. “Holy fuck baby! You’re dripping. You’re so fucking hot! Fuck fuck!”

You grab his head and kiss him, mumbling how good he made you feel along the lines. You’re close he knows it and he’s not far behind but you just need a little more push. “k-keep talking kook!”

He smirks at your fucked out expression. “You like that? Me filling you up with my cum? You’ll be filled to the brim baby. fuck you’ll be leaking all over. And when you’re empty, I’ll fill you up again and again, painting your walls white with my cum”

He thrusts deeper, harder this time. You’re lost in too much sensation and pleasure and his filthy, filthy mouth. “F-fuck thats hot..”

He rubs your clit, making you shoot up into him. “y-yeah? You’ll be so fucking hot when I put a baby in you. You’ll be all round and soft. So plump. You’ll be so full of me. Fuck wanna make you pregnant over and over again. Have kids just to see you leaking from your breasts and cunt. To fuck you while you’re so plump and soft.”

His words sends you over the edge and you see all white flash in front of your eyes. You vaguely remember calling his name in ecstasy. You feel his thrusts getting sloppy so you know he’s close.

“fuck baby, keep clenching around me like that and i wont be able to hold off longer.”

You wrap your limp arms around his neck and pull his face down to kiss him “go on baby, cum in me. Fill me up with your cum. Wanna feel that hot liquid inside me.”

“Fuck you’re too much!” he buries his head in your neck as long, warm spurts of white liquid fills your overly sensitive and swollen cunt. You both moan at the feeling.

Carefully he pulls out of you and plops down next to you. After a minute or so you get up to clean yourself only to be held back by his strong arms.

“don’t.” he sweeps the cum pooling between your heat and sheets and pushes it inside your pussy. . “keep it in babe. Trying to make a baby here.”

 @jeongguksdoll I hope you love it 

[illfoandillfie]

uhh i’m having an awful day and in the mood to cry!! i loved the prompt list too much to not request. angst 12 and 32? thank you b

Okay this is very late so I hope you’re not still having an awful day lmao but here’s some angsty stuff anyway! I went with Brian cause you didn’t specify who.

A12 - “I wish I’d never laid eyes on you.” + A32 -“Don’t apologise; I know you don’t mean it.”

600 followers celebration blurb prompts

~~~

The sound of Brian’s snores spread through the room asyou quietly cleaned up. He’d had you three times last night, before you’d bothcollapsed, exhausted, and was still out like a light. You however had woken uptwo hours ago. You’d lay in bed for a little while, debating with yourselfwhether waking him was worthwhile but ultimately decided to just let him sleep.Instead you’d got up and had a shower, scrubbing the previous night off yourskin, tracing each one of the bite marks he’d left on your neck and shouldersas you looked at yourself in the mirror. Then you’d gone down to the kitchen,made some tea and toast and read the paper as you had your breakfast. Afterthat you hadn’t been quite sure what to do. You gave the kitchen a once over,putting away the dry dishes on the rack and washing out your teacup. You’d goneto do the same in the living room but it was still tidy from where you’d fixedit up yesterday when Brian called to say he was coming over. The most you coulddo was straighten some cushions that had been disrupted when Brian hadstretched out and pulled you on top of him, actions that had led to a heatedmake out which led to the aforementioned three times.

With the intention of checking if Brian was stillasleep you headed back to the bedroom and decided you’d clean up the clothesscattered over the floor. Yours went straight into the laundry hamper but youdidn’t think there’d be time to wash and dry Brian’s clothes before he had toleave. You picked up his shirt and folded it into a neat square, laying it onthe top of your dresser so he’d be able to find it when he woke. You were goingto do the same with his pants but as you picked them up something fell out ofhis pocket and rolled across the carpet. Quietly as possible you scurried toretrieve it, not realising what it was until it was in your hand. A weddingring. Your first thought was that’s an odd thing to carry around. Yoursecond was straight panic that Brian was gearing up to propose – you hadn’tbeen together long enough to consider it and he’d never so much as mentionedmarriage before. Your third was the calming realisation that it couldn’t be foryou, it wasn’t in a box for one, just loose in his pocket and beside it was aman’s ring, definitely not for you. And then you were back to odd. Ittook you a few more moments of staring at it, brain whirring as it tried tocome up with a reasonable excuse as to why he was carrying this particular itemaround. And then it hit you. It was his. Your gut twisted, a cold dread washingover you as you began to realise the full extent of what it meant. There was noother explanation. Unsure of what to do you put the ring back in his pocket,folded the pants, and left them on top of his shirt. And then you backed out ofthe room quietly. If you couldn’t sit still before there was no hope of it now.You paced the house, walking from room to room trying to rationalise it all inyour head.

You were startled from your thoughts as Brian, fullydressed, wrapped his arms around you from behind and pressed his lips into yourneck.

“Morningsweetheart,” his voice was still rough with sleep, a sound that usually madeyou melt. He pressed another kiss to your neck, over top of one of thebitemarks he’d given you, “These are nice,” he kissed another one, “suit you,”another, closer to your shoulder, “I hope they wont be too hard for you tocover up.”

Youfroze in his arms, skin crawling with every touch of his lips. 

“Hey, what’sthe matter? Is something wrong?” he let go of you, spinning you round to facehim so he could examine your face for any hint of why you weren’t respondingthe way you usually would. 

“Youdidn’t tell me you were married.”

“I-,”he was stunned, blinking at you like he couldn’t register what you were sayingas words. Eventually he sighed, “How’d you find out?”

“Ifound your ring.”

“Shit,I, fuck, I normally wouldn’t even bring it with me,” He was almost laughing ashe spoke, “but I left in a rush yesterday and forgot I was wearing it. Onlyrealised when I was standing on your doorstep. Jesus I fucked up. You weren’tever supposed to know.”

“Iwasn’t supposed to know? Is that meant to make me feel better?”

“Doesit?”

“Notin the slightest. I’m not….I don’t…”

“What?Not the type to sleep with a married man?”

“GodI feel sick,” you dropped your head to your hands, feeling like you could throwup and cry and scream all at once. 

“Hey,look at me,” he tilted your head up gently, looking at you softly, “I’m sorry.I just…things with her aren’t good. We’re working on separating but it’scomplicated. I feel terrible about keeping it from you, I’m so sorry.”You’dheard Brian apologise before. For small things like when he burnt the toast hewas making you or when he stepped on your foot while you danced in the livingroom. And for bigger things like when he knocked over the china figurine yourgrandma had given you before she passed. He’d apologised repeatedly for thatone, doing everything he could to try and make up for it. So you could tellthat this apology wasn’t sincere. It felt like he was saying it because he knewit was expected, not because he was actually sorry. “Y/N?I’m baring my soul here, trying to apologise. Can you please say something?”

Youstared at him for a moment before you spoke, your voice even and calm despitethe nausea you felt, “Don’t apologise; I know you don’t mean it.”

Brianlooked at you with that same soft expression that was meant to make you forgivehim and then his whole demeanour changed. He dropped his arm from your face,crossing them over his chest instead. 

“You’reright. I’m not sorry about keeping this secret, only that you found out abouther. Add it to the list of things she’s fucking ruined for me.”

“Thisis entirely your fault Brian. You must have realised I wouldn’t have gotinvolved if I’d known you were fucking married. Otherwise why hide it?”

“Tobe fair I never expected things to go this long with you. You were meant to bea one time thing.”

“What?”

“Yeah,I only went to that bar looking for a one night stand. But you slipped me yournumber and christ I couldn’t stop thinking about your cunt. How fucking tight it was and how willing you were. She was pregnant and wouldn’t let anywhere near her. So I called. Andthen I called again. Not really like we did much talking at the start anyway. Wouldit help if I said she cheated on me first?”

“No,no it fucking wouldn’t,” you managed to splutter through the horror you felt.

“Spose not. That’d have been another lie anyway. As far as I know at least.All I know is she barely fucks me, always saying she’s too tired from lookingafter the kids. It’s why I’ve had to go elsewhere.” 

“Youhave kids? Plural?” you’re almost breathless as he hits you with yet another gut punch.Every time he opens his mouth he says something else to make you feelcompletely awful. You remember the marks that cover your neck and you want toclaw at your skin until they’re gone, until you can’t feel him on you anymore.“Yeah,it’s why we haven’t got divorced yet. I love my kids but fuck they make itcomplicated.”“Andhaving a side piece isn’t complicated?”“Notreally. Not until you went snooping where you shouldn’t have been.”“I’mgoing to throw up. Fucking kids and a wife.”“Oh,grow up. This shit happens all the time, you’re not the first girl I’ve done this with. You have lasted the longest though. Might have been able to make it work proper once the divorce was finalised.”

“Iwish I’d never laid eyes on you.”

Herolled his eyes, “Right now, honey, the feelings fucking mutual.”

[rox-the-proxy]

Of Last Men Standing and Runaway Kings

A Dimiclaude fix I wrote a while back and posted on Ao3, so you can also go read this there if you so desire. I'm basically in hell with all the ships I have for FE3H and have no shame. So here is this for you all to (hopefully) read and enjoy.

When Claude had offered him a home in the Alliance territory, after having seen him slip away silently from the armies after the defeat of his stepsister and her empire, Dimitri believed it to be a joke. After all, Claude was known for such things. But he seemed sincere about it, determined to help him even though Dimitri didn't ask for it, didn't think he deserved it. And in his own mind, he didn't. After he had savagely taken the lives of any and all who stood in his way of getting to Edelgard, why would he deserve help? He didn't think there was a logical explanation or reason for it. Never had, and he probably never would. But Claude saw differently, out of the three of them, it seemed he would be the last man standing. And honestly, Dimitri was fine with that. Happy with it even, after all, Edelgard had killed so many innocent people, Dimitri himself had done so as well and went mad with revenge and bloodlust. 

But Claude? No, not him. He remained calm, collected and even tried to stop Edelgard by helping the Kingdom as best as he could. In the end however....he too watched the brutality of Dimitri's actions when he took Edelgard's life. Even after it all, Dimitri believed that he would feel peace, that he would finally be free of the voices of the dead that haunted him as much as he was awake as they did in his sleep. But that didn't seem to be the case. Dimitri felt empty, lost, suddenly all that anger and lust for blood was gone with her death, but....he still didnt feel better. He couldn't fathom why he didnt feel better, he truly couldn't understand why he felt so much worse. Maybe because it had been his Stepsister, someone he had grown close to. Maybe that is why it felt so much worse. He had only come back to his senses after everything was said and done, after the damage had been done and there was no turning back time now. 

The way back to the Leicester Alliance took longer then what Dimitri had been expecting. Though it made sense seeing as they had to go deep into the Empire territory to reach the Capital of Enbarr. He had never ridden a Wyvern before so when Claude had pulled him up on his own then sat behind him, he was a bit nervous, especially when the said White colored Wyvern shot up into the sky. For those few moments, he had shut his remaining eye tightly and held his breath even. After a little while he was able to relax and enjoy the silent ride all the way back. Or, at least somewhat silent. Claude tried to maintain conversation with him as best he could as to keep the one eyed Male out of the dark depths of his mind. He was good at that, keeping people distracted from the stress and worries of the world. As well as good at keeping people distracted from they needed to do, if their academy days were a thing to go by that is. As they flew well into near sunset, Claude had also taken it upon himself to teach the blonde a few things about riding a Wyvern, even going as far as to allow him to hold onto the reins. 

It had been the most grounded and human Dimitri had felt in quite a long time if he was going to be honest. Five years of solitude and killing mercilessly often times took the humanity out of a person. Either way, Dimitri didn't feel like an empty husk, or a mindless animal. For the first two days in the Alliance, Dimitri never left Claude's side. Part of that was due to him not wanting to be anywhere else, but also in part that he was an outsider, he wasn't trusted enough to be left alone. On the third day however he was surprised when Claude took him to where the Wyvern are usually kept and there the green eyed man gifted him a beautiful single blue eyed Wyvern who's scals were as dark as a starless night sky. He had explained that this one got hurt young and hasn’t been able to ride out. However, He could cover his blindside like can cover his. And that he felt like it would help him in the long run to adapt to a new world to give him a task to focus on such as training a wyvern in order to get back on his feet. 

Claude had gone further to explain that this particular Wyvern is temperamental, moody, isolated himself, protective of younger born wyverns to a point, and wary to strangers. To be honest, Dimitri could see himself a lot in this creature. He had also been informed that he wasn't from these lands. He flew home in the wrong directions after getting hurt and breeders found him. Marianne tried her best but even she had a hard time convincing it to be near a rider. Dimitri had been worried when that had been explained to him. However Claude gave him a reassuring smile, telling him that those people are not like him. Without a name of his own he refused to listen to anyone else. So flying on his own was out of the question. Dimitri had spent the rest of that day getting to know his new Wyvern, and that same night he had tried a multitude of names before the one eyed creature seemed to like and react to one particular name; Aslan. 

After that, Claude took him back to the Von Riegan manor. From there he had asked the green eyed male for a favor, if he could take his old armor and cloak and keep it hidden from him. As a deserter of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, he didn't feel like he had a right to wear the royal blue that everyone associated with the Kingdom itself. Claude had been reluctant at first, it was like Dimitri was still trying to Vanish from the world. But the tired, lost, sorrowful look in his remaining eye is what convinced Claude to agree and do as the other man had asked him to do. For another few days, Dimitri spent his days getting to know Aslan as well as being shown around by Claude. Around the second week was when Claude announced that Dimitri was now an official citizen of the Alliance and his retainer as well. In that moment, Dimitri was in small state of shock. He hadn't been sure if he could believe or not. After all, how else was he supposed to take the news? Especially when he had learned later that Claude had over ruled the other lords and advisors just to make sure that he had a citizenship.

That night, the blonde found himself shirtless, hair dripping wet, sitting in a chair in front of a mirror in Claude's room as the man dried his hair. The day had been long, full of paperwork and he had begun to hallucinate, hearing the voices of his father, Glenn and all those who had died protecting him. All of them asking him why he had ran, why was he leaving his Kingdom on it's own, why was he running away like a coward. That had lead to a rather....uncomfortable breakdown for him, so much so he had disassociated for a few hours. When he finally seemed to have slowly come back out of it, he had found himself looking up at Claude who was sitting to his left near the edge of the bath, washing his hair out for him. It was...embarrassing to say the least that he had a tough time doing the basic things like washing himself, remembering to eat or even drink. After the bath, and getting half dressed he silently sat there, letting the now Leader of the Alliance dry and brush his hair. 

Dimitri was startled out of his thoughts when he felt a pair of hands gently cupping his cheeks and a thumb brushing over his scarred eye, he was quick to reach up and grip the hands by the wrists, but also seemed to realize these hands were not going to cause him any harm. He had to take a few deep breaths before he slowly released his tight hold on Claude's wrists. He felt a pang of shame and guilt when he saw the discoloration on the beautifully tanned skin, he always had an issue with controlling that monster strength of his. Even now, after five and a half years he still couldn't quite get a hold on it, though at this point it was sure due to his lack of caring about it a year after he had been kept locked up in a certain in the Kingdom by Cordila. God he was so pleased to watch the life fade from her eyes. That thought alone however, sent a cold chill down his spine, one that sent a shudder through his body. Claude had clearly noticed, how could he not when he had his face cupped between his hands? He didn't say anything on the matter, he merely kept gently brushing his thumb over the scarring of his now ruined and dead eye. 

"Its okay, it doesn't hurt. It wont bruise." 

Dimitri felt comforted by those gentle words, even though he had a hard time believing it. He had crushed skulls with his hands, he had broken steel Lances, swords, scissors, sewing needles and many other things as well. So he found it hard to believe that the other man wouldn't have bruising around his wrists. Truly, it seemed like all he was good at was hurting those he loved, and letting them die due to his inability to do a damn thing. 

"My apologies." Dimitri whispered, hardly recognizing his own voice. "It...came as a shock."

"I would imagine so, finally back with us?" Claude asked, he wouldn't move or stop what he was doing until he knew for a fact Dimitri was all there again. Or at least as close to being all there as he could be considering whatever hell he had witnessed over the past five and a half years. He felt the other give the smallest nod before he gave the one eyed man a reassuring smile. "Good, I'm almost done with your hair, and then we can go to bed, okay?"

"If that is what you wish, my Lord."

"Claude." 

He wasn't used to being called lord or anything else of that kind. In fact, he didn't like it. Especially when it came from Dimitri of all people. Despite him having no noble or royal status here in the Alliance as of today, that didn't meant he actually wasn't royalty. The man was heir to the Kingdom Of Faerghus Throne, but he had decided to throw that part of him away and simply try to vanish from the world, when he had confronted Dimitri about leaving and asked if he wanted to be a forgotten king, the other hadn't denied it, but he didn't confirm it either. But it was clear that's what he wanted if his silence and longing look at the idea of simply being forgotten was anything to go by. Claude had felt an unbearable need to help Dimitri when he saw him like that. So he did, and without hesitation as well, when he heard the rumors of the Mad King of Faerghus, he could see why even Dimitri himself had stopped seeing the humanity in himself. He had even seen first hand how brutal he could get in the battle field, he had even experienced getting a wound from him. Something he wasn't quite ready to let Dimitri know about or even remind him about just yet. The man had enough guilt piled a mile high on his shoulders. He wordlessly stood up, and simply went back to the task at hand of brushing his hair. It was...shocking to see the scars that littered Dimitri's back and front. He had so many, all ranging from small, to large, from clean and nearly unnoticeable to unsightly and inflamed slightly. The one on his eye seemed to be the one that bothered him most, he supposed that Dimitri had expected Claude to flinch back at the sight of it, but no. He didn't do that, and he could see how that seemed to ease the blonde's Feral behavior. 

"There, come on, let's get to bed. We have a long day tomorrow." 

He held his hand out to the one eyed male once he was standing in front of him again. During his time here, Claude had made it habit to always hold his hand or have the blonde hold onto his arm as they walked around. Either way, Dimitri was always close to his side, he made sure of that. In a sense, he guessed he was doing this mainly to keep the other grounded as they went about doing daily tasks that needed to be done after such a large scale and sudden war. And well, he wanted the other man close to him, he wanted to save him and make up for those he couldn't save. This was his own way of atoning for the old friends he had to kill. He could only imagine what Dimitri felt like what he had to do in order to atone for his own actions which had been so much worse than what many could even imagine. He only hoped that maybe one day, despite what he had done, Dimitri could see the humanity in himself. For now though, Claude was happy to help him as much as he could. As he finally got the blonde to lay down, he sat next to him as he looked down at the runaway king. He looked so tired, clean at least, but he just looked exhausted. The bags under his good eye, the fact he looked much thinner then what Claude could remember. And well, the fresh wound on his left hip and on his shoulder. 

"El...even in her last moments she refused to go down without inflicting another wound." 

Ah, so that's where the one on his shoulder came from. He wondered about the one on his hip, it was a rather big slash and it had horrible, painful bruising around it. Almost as if it had gotten infected, thankfully though that wasn't the case. Claude sighed as he moved to lay down, but kept himself propped up with his elbow. Dimitri looked much more relaxed now that his head was resting on pillows, a mattress that supported him nicely under warm blankets that fought off the chill of the night breeze that flowed in through the window. His hair cascading over the soft pillow and over his eyes. Slowly the green eyed male reached down and gently brushed those gold colored locks out of his face. His hand lingered, entangled in those freshly washed, soft locks of hair. The action seemed to help Dimitri relax, especially as he watched the remaining good eye close slowly and stay that way even minutes later when he slowly pulled his hand away. He had never seen the other so relaxed, so vulnerable and he wasn't sure if he liked just how small he looked despite him being a rather tall man.

"Why are you doing this?" 

The question came out of nowhere and it had startled the green eyed male considering he had thought the other man had fallen asleep. Clearly that was not the case, and he had a feeling that hadn't been the case in a long time, if the dark bags under his eye were anything to go by. The said green eyed male reached down slowly, gently and carefully caressing the man's cheek, his fingers stopping under the dark bags. That blue eye that used to shine with life was dull, haunted. Claude missed that look he used to have, he used to smile, used to shine so bright, but war changed people, Dimitri had witnessed horrors at such a young age and then again when Edelgard declared war on the church. That war had killed all of their former selves, but for Dimitri it was like he was a completely different human being all together. It was frightening, he would admit that much. It was such a stark change that it left everyone in shocked, especially considering everyone thought he had died in the Kingdom, executed by the people he once trusted. 

"Because, your still my friend. And I, for once, want to be able to save one person with my own hands. I want to show you that you aren't a monster like you claim to be." 

It seemed that had been a response that Dimitri was not expecting. He could tell he was shocked and rendered speechless. Claude would admit he was proud of the reaction he got out of him. The green eyed male smiled, as he draped his arm over the other and pulled him close once she finally decided to lay down fully. "Sleep, runaway king of Lions. Tomorrow is a long day." He said with a soft hum. 

That night, for once Claude realized out of the three of them, despite Dimitri being alive, he truly was the last man standing. But at least out of the three of them, two would continue to live and he would make sure Dimitri would as well.

[loki-fanfic-whore]

Consumed ch.4

Watnings: self doubt/negative head space/ low self-esteem/ putting ones self down/ adult situations

@drakesfiance @onceuponagleepottermindlock @iloveyouthreethousand-o6 @jessiejunebug @imagine-that-100

Chapter 4 Eclipsed

Loki laid there on that godforsaken uncomfortable bed, his arm numb and his stomach rumbling. He laid there enduring all of this, just to drink in your slumbering form. The towel around you had slipped open and he could see every detail of your beautiful flesh. He didn't want to violate you with his eyes, he knew you were vulnerable since being forced naked on display for so long, but every roll and stretch mark every hair that adorned your skin he couldn't help but steal glances and memorize. Your body hair, which you meticulously groomed from what he could tell, had become overgrown due to being forced in the tank and he didn't even mind. He had you, you were alive and safe and with him. When you first fell asleep you were only holding his hand, but upon falling into a blissful sleep you had snuggled closer looking for warmth and the familiar comforting scent of the god. In your deepest dreams you had snored into his ear and all he could do was smirk. He laid there allowing himself to calm down and think. He knew he couldn't get you off Midgard in your condition, he had to get you at least partially up to health. He also knew it would only be a matter of time before Thor came knocking. He would need to keep moving you to keep you hidden from them.

You stirred gently and moaned as you rubbed your eyes.

"L-loki?" You called out hoarsely.

"I'm here little flame. I'm right beside you." He pulled your hands down from your eyes and smiled. You blinked to make sure he was real and smiled back.

"Im so sorry Loki. I never meant to harm anyone. I didn't mean to cause you the trouble." You began silently crying and Loki's face fell.

"Hush now. You are not the problem. You were never the problem. Dont apologize for existing. They hurt you. They tried to break you and you didn't let them. You are so strong and amazing and I will get you back to your snarky and condescending self in no time....I know what it's like... to be so utterly confused about your heritage and why you and why now..." Loki cupped your cheek gently.

"I think you are beautiful, even as a fire giant. You are my exact opposite and it hurts when we touch in that form, but I would endure that pain always for you." He brought your face close to his as he gently kissed your forehead.

"Now my pet, we need to clothe you. You have been boasting about your body for weeks now." A deep blush crept up your face.

"Loki are you calling me fat again?" You glared playfully.

"No my darling. I am calling you sexy and tempting and you are in no form for me to ravish you as much as I would love to. You simply cannot keep up with the stamina of a god." He teased. You quickly stood blushing deep only to sink back down, a terrible ache in your legs.

"You must take things slow my dear...walk before you dance. Here let me get you clothes...we will be here another day then we will have to continue on our journey."

Your face dropped in sadness.

"Our journey in hiding....they are coming for me aren't they?" You found your voice weak.

Loki pulled some undergarments out of a small box and handed them to you to slip on. You smiled as he turned to allow you modesty.

"I'm afraid so...I wont let them take you from me again...I swear to you upon my mother."

A soft gasp left your lips as you clipped your bra on.

"Loki no! Dont speak of her that way." You chided softly. Loki moved to your side and sank down next to you cupping your cheek.

"She taught me I am no monster and she protected me from all...It is my turn to teach you that you are no monster. I will protect you from all...even if it means I must protect you from my brother. I vow this to you in the name of Frigga the Allmother." Your lip was trembling as tears slipped down your cheeks. Loki glanced down at your pink raw lips and then back to your teary eyes.

"May I?" He asked gently as he inched closer. You lurched forward and crashed your lips against his greedily. You allowed him to take control sliding your arms around his neck to let your hands hang against his shoulder blades, as his lips parted and his tongue entered your mouth dancing with yours. Your breath had hitched in your throat and you felt euphoric at this new sensation. Loki hissed gently and arched his back to one side breaking the kiss. Your eyes widened as you retracted your arms and looked down. Your hands were black and little sparks were flying every few moments. Loki laughed and kissed you again this time more chaste and sweet.

"Your emotions control your powers. You became excited and sparks flew...quite literally my little flame. I think you singed my hair." He teased and pouted. You stared at your hands for a long while before new tears found their way to your eyes.

"I'm so sorry...I hurt everything I touch." You were remembering every trauma they had inflicted.

"No. No no no. Stop it. You aren't a monster, just a very young fire giant. You don't know how to control it yet. I'll help you my darling. I'll teach you how to control it." He cooed and peppered your face with kisses. Your cheeks still gashed from the muzzle, hurt with every touch. He stood again and went to the box pulling out a small dress it was light green.

"Loki...I only wear black...it hides...who I am

" you looked down avoiding his gaze.

"But I think this color suits you more my dear." He said softly handing you the garment.

"I'm going to make you some food...we have to start small even with that. Fluids and soft food first...until you can do more." He kissed your forehead and moved from the room. You put the dress on and tied your hair up into a messy bun. It felt so good to get it dry and off of your neck. It felt so good to be in clothes and not wrinkled like a prune...it felt so good to be kissed...by an arrogant and egotistical god... it felt good to be home.

"I found them." Thor spoke as he walked into the living room. Natasha and Clint were in pajamas eating cereal and Tony was sitting at the table reading a news paper with a glass of scotch.

"Where?" Tony asked laying the news paper down to look.

"He took her to a country away from here. I believe it is called the land of whales. He is trying to nurse her back to health. Man of Iron...what if he isn't trying to manipulate her?" Thor asked again sitting at the table with his face in his hands.

Tony chuckled.

"Thor when has Loki ever done something for someone else? When has he ever helped anyone for a selfless reason? He tried to kill us remember? He needs her well. He needs to train her. To groom her into his minion. He will pit her against us and with her explosive behavior she will surely try to take us on...so Thor...do you want to separate the love birds or do you want to wait until we have to kill them?" Tony spoke brashly but deep in Thors chest he had a feeling Tony was right.

"I'm sorry brother....we must do what is right..." he whispered to no one before standing.

"Let me go...I will persuade the lady Embers...." Thor needed to see for himself before he forced anyones hand.

Thor summoned Mjölnir and swung the hammer fast. He needed to get there before Loki caught on. Flying through the air he landed infront of the tiny cottage and dusted himself off. Marching to the door, he knocked twice.

Loki's mouth went dry as he heard the knocks. You were still in the bedroom and too weak to teleport again so soon. He knew it would be them...coming to take you away. He cloned himself quickly and one dashed into the bedroom to hide you away. The other, and original, stayed to answer the door.

"Brother." He spoke curtly as he faced Thor.

"Loki...I came to talk...I need to talk with you and the lady Embers." Thor holstered Mjölnir to show he was coming in good faith. Loki continued to block the entrance.

" I cannot allow that brother mine...you hurt her. You broke her mentally and I need to help heal her. Seeing you would only regress her further." He watched in the back of his mind as his clone gently shushed you as tears silently streaked your cheeks. He frowned knowing you couldn't hold onto the illusion only listen as he tried to comfort you.

"Loki...the others will come...they have to take her from you. She is too dangerous in your hands." Thor pleaded to which Loki scoffed.

"How dare you talk of her like she is property. She is no tesseract! No wand or stone or object! She is a living breathing soul! A God as much as you or I!" Loki boomed angrily at Thor, Thor shied away for a moment flinching from his brothers words.

"So you believe her to be the heir of Muspelheim? To be Surturs dottir?" Thor asked trying to gain his trust. Loki breathed sharply and grit his teeth.

"Surtur had to have hidden her amongst mortals to protect her from the war. Before you destroyed him he must have awoken her true form...much like Odin did to me." Loki was beyond angry at Thors oafishness.

"You won't have her Thor...she is too fragile for you and your team's sickening treatments. She needs to be with someone who can help her. Who can train her to-"

"To become your sidekick? To become your underling and help you destroy midgard?" Thor cut in angrily as he took a step forward towards the threshold. Loki puffed his chest and stood his full height.

"Who can train her to control her abilities. She is no underling. No minion...I-I view her as my equal." Loki snarled at Thor.

"Leave Thor. I do not wish to shed blood." He added in warning. Thor sighed.

"Loki...if not me today...it will be them tomorrow....soon I will not be able to protect you or her....please...just give her up." He tried one last attempt to reason with the God of mischief.

Loki slammed the door in his face and turned running into the bedroom to wrap your shaking form in his arms.

" We will have to teleport tonight..." Loki whispered to you as he gently pet the back of your head. Your face was buried against his chest and he could feel the heat of panic emanating off your body. His flesh becoming scalded by your touch but he didn't care. He knew Thors word was good....the rest of shield would be back and they would be out for blood. He had to get you out of Midgard...he had to get you stronger.

[ladywinchester1967]

I Can Wait Forever

Title: I Can Wait Forever

Links: AO3 & WattPadd

Square Filled: Lingerie

Ship: Solider!Dean Winchester x Arabella “Bella” Winchester

Rating: E for Explicit

Created for: @spnkinkbingo

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Another day without you with me Is like a blade that cuts right through me But I can wait I can wait forever When you call my heart stops beating When you're gone it wont stop bleeding But I can wait I can wait forever ~ Simple Plan

It had been 356 days, 2 hours and 21 minutes since the last time she had seen him, she realized as she looked over the days in her planner. She bit her lip and marked off the last day.

For the first few years, being a military wife had been without incident. She and her husband, Dean, worked on base at the infirmary. They'd met in college where she was studying to be a nurse and he was becoming a paramedic. They'd quickly hit it off, bonding over their mutual love of classic rock and cars. It seemed like before she knew it, they were engaged, then married and then had moved into a house on base together. Dean's unit had been called to serve in Iraq at first for six months, then it was extended to a year which had been crushing for her. She missed him terribly and incessantly worried about him. But finally, FINALLY tomorrow, he’d be back in her arms once more.  

She barely slept the night before, feeling like a kid on Christmas morning. She got up an hour before her alarm, made breakfast and coffee by herself for the last time. She checked on the meals, mostly his favorites, she had pre-made. When she was satisfied that everything was in order, she took a shower, scrubbing and shaving down everything. She took extra care when blow drying and flat ironing her hair and putting her makeup on. He had always said she looked better without it, but she knew he loved the way red lipstick looked on her. When she was ready, she grabbed her over night bag. They would stay his first night back at a hotel close to base, then would come home the next day. She drove Dean’s 1967 Impala, following behind her in-laws, whom she wouldn’t have made it through this deployment without.

As soon as they hopped out of their respective vehicles, Sam, Dean’s younger brother, was by her side. Dean had personally asked Sam to take care of her while he was gone. Sam felt a strong, brotherly affection toward his sister-in-law. She had been strong through the entire deployment, but some days, like holidays and birthdays were hard on her without her husband. Sam and his Dad, John, has been around to help her when her washing machine leaked and flooded the laundry room with suds and water. They had been there when her water heater went out and had even helped her keep Dean’s car in mint condition for him while he was gone.

“You ready?” Sam asked as he wrapped her into a big bear hug.

“Yes, as ready as I can be.” She said with a huge smile on her face. Arabella, or Bella as she preferred to be called, was a small girl, she barely came up to Sam’s chest. With long, auburn and blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and a spit fire attitude, the entire family had quickly fallen in love with her, just as Dean had. She was wearing jeans tucked into a pair of boots with a t-shirt that read “Dean’s Girl” on the front and “Winchester 2” on the back. John, his wife Mary, and Sam all filed into the gym where the soldiers would be released to their families in precisely forty five minutes.

Once inside, Bella introduced her in-laws to a couple of the other military wives whose husbands were also in Dean’s unit. They had bonded over their shared experiences of not having their significant others around and the ins and outs of being military wives.

“It’s so nice to put faces with names.” Mary commented as she handed Bella a water bottle.

“I’m glad you guys got to meet them,” Bella told her “without you guys and them, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to handle this.”

Mary gave her a one armed hug.

“Dean’s lucky you know?” Mary asked “I’m so glad he has you in his life.”

After mingling around for a while, the families were told to sit in the bleachers as the unit was on their way. Everyone gave excited cheers as they filed into their seats. Bella was sitting between Mary and Sam, practically bouncing with anticipation. They heard the buses pull up and everyone let out another shout of excitement. After what seemed like an eternity, the unit filed in and the gym filled with shouts and people calling their loved one's name. Once the soldiers all lined up, Bella desperately searched for Dean.

“I don’t see him,” she said frantically to Sam “where is he?”

Sam’s eyes raked over the crowd and his eyes finally settled on his brother.

“Third row,” Sam told her, “dead center.”

Her eyes quickly searched for the place Sam had said and her heart stopped. There he was, standing at attention with his fellow soldiers, a huge smile on his face as their eyes met. She felt like her smile would break her face because he was grinning so wide. Finally, the soldiers were dismissed and loved ones surged forward to get to their solider. Sam helped Bella elbow her way through the throng of people until she heard a voice yell

“BELLA!”

She turned to her left and there he was. He was grinning, looked like he had gained ten pounds of muscle, bearded and tired as hell, but there he was. She cried out, excitedly and ran forward, crying and jumping into his arms. Her legs automatically wrapped around his waist while her arms wrapped around his neck. He wrapped one arm around her back while he buried his other hand into her soft hair.

“Oh sweetie,” he said “I missed you so much.”

She sobbed into his shoulder as she gripped him tightly. She feverishly kissed him, his facial hair scratching her lips. He tasted the exact same, like spearmint gum and his own unique taste.

“Don’t cry sweetheart,” he said moving her hair out of her face “I’m home, I’m right here.”

She couldn’t form words, everything she had held back while he was gone came rushing forward. He was finally home, in one piece and in her arms once more.

“I love you,” She told him “I love you so much Dean.”

“I know sweetheart, I know. I love you too.” He said as he set her down to get a good look at her. She looked thinner than she had when he left, but she looked more beautiful in person than she did on a screen he’d been staring at for nearly a year.

Dean held her hand as he greeted his parents and brother who were in tears with happiness to see him.

“Are you feeling up to dinner?” Mary asked Dean, who nodded.

“God yes, but I've gotta get my bag and change out of this uniform.” he said and looked down at Bella, smiling.

“Go get what you need,” she told him “I have a bag with some of your clothes in it in the car.”

He simply grinned and kissed her forehead. He wouldn't say it in front of his family, but she knew how much the forethought meant to him. Dean quickly collected his things and then walked with Bella to his beloved car.

“Oh Baby,” he said when he saw her “I'm so sorry, I'll never leave you again.”

Bella laughed as they climbed into the car and he kissed her.

“I know,” he said and bit his lip “this probably wasn't how you pictured me coming home.”

She shook her head and kissed him again

“Honey, it's fine.” she told him “but I DO expect your full and undivided attention this evening.”

His eyes twinkled as he gave her a panty melting smirk. He took her hand in his and kissed the back of it.

“Yes ma'am.” he told her. Dean decided then that changing his clothes could wait, he just wanted to be with his family at the moment, so they drove straight to the restaurant. Dean sat with his hand on Bella's knee through the whole meal, he couldn't get over how gorgeous she looked in person after not seeing her for nearly a year. While the family talked, Bella had both arms wrapped around one of Dean's arms, just taking him in. His hair looked a little lighter from being in the sun and he was more tan, which only brought out the freckles on his face that she adored. During a break in the conversation, she looked up at him with a sweet smile on her face.

“What?” he asked

“I love you.” she told him

“love you too babe.” he said and kissed her forehead.  

Once they left dinner, Dean drove his beloved car to the hotel room they’d be staying in for the night. Once they headed upstairs and the door was closed, they couldn’t keep their hands off one another. He pinned her to the door and attacked her mouth with kisses.

“That screen didn’t do you any justice sweetheart,” he growled “you’re even more beautiful in person.”

“Babe,” she breathed, her fingers digging into his shoulders “oh god, that feels amazing.”

“Gotta have you sweetie,” he said between kisses “I want you so badly.”

“You need a shower first,” she told him “no offense but you smell and not good.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled back from her before realizing she was right.

“Yeah, Sorry.” He said with a shrug.

“It’s okay, I get it.” She said with a smile “I even brought the fancy shampoo you like.”

“Mh,” he said, biting his lip “does this mean you’ll be joining me?”

“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away.” She told him with a grin.

Once they were in the bathroom with the shower running and had stripped down to their underwear, Bella was running a brush through her hair when Dean came up behind her, one hand on her hip and the other sliding into her bra.

“Baaabe!” She moaned as he pulled at her nipple, making it strain against the fabric of her bra.

“What?” He asked, his cock pressing into her backside “Am I distracting you?”

“In the best way.” She told him as she put her brush to the side.

“Here,” He said and unhooked her bra “I’ll help.”

“Thank you.” She said and looked at him in the mirror. They made eye contact as he wrapped his arms around her. She put her bra to the side as he kissed along her shoulder, biting the tattoo on her shoulder blade and making her moan loudly.

“Dean, oh fuck, Dean.” She moaned.

“Mh,” he moaned “fuck that sounds way better in person than over the phone.”

He spun her around and kissed her hard as she shimmied out of her panties, casting them to the side as he ran his hands all over her body. “You feel so good sweetheart.” He told her “so fucking good, god I missed you.”

“Show me how much you missed me.” She told him.

With a mischievous glint in his eye, he picked her up and pinned her against the wall, both of his hands taking her wrists above her head. He kissed down her chest, his tongue flicking over her nipples as she moaned loudly. He let go of her wrists as he sank to his knees, kissing down her body and leaving little love bites on her skin. He held her hip with one hand while he used his other fingers to open her lower lips so he could have better access to her. He licked through her folds and let is tongue lazily graze over her clit as he pushed two fingers inside her. She moaned at the sudden invasion but she responded by opening her legs more so he could have more room to work.

“Babe, oh babe!” She moaned as he easily slid his fingers in and out of her. She hadn’t felt this full in nearly a year, her fingers were no match for his thick ones, nor did her fingers feel as good as his did. Buried knuckle deep in her, He lapped his tongue over her clit as she moaned and twisted, arching her back as he slide his free hand up her body to knead her breast. He rolled her nipple between his fingers as she whined, moving her hips in sync with the thrust of his fingers. The pressure in her lower belly built up fast and before she could warn him, she let go with a lust filled cry. Without warning, he stood and told her

“Bend over.”

She nodded and did as she was told, bending over the counter, her center and ass completely bared to him. He pushed her feet further apart with his foot before stripping out of his boxers and pushing into her from behind in one stroke. They both moaned; phone and video chat had been nice but having your loved one in the most intimate way, in person after they’d been gone for so long, was something totally different. Buried deep inside her was way more satisfying than imagining it and using his hand. Her walls fluttered as she moaned and he held her hips steady in his hands. The sound of their moans and skin hitting skin echoed in the bathroom as she bent down, her hands touching the floor near her feet. With her ass high in the air, he moaned, watching her skin ripple.

“Fuck, look at you.” He said, impressed by her flexibility “on your knees sweetheart.”

She got on her hands and knees as he did the same, bending over her back and biting her ear.

“You like being all bent up for me?” He cooed in her ear.

“Yes, I love it, oh fuck babe, you feel so good!” She responded and turned her head to kiss him. He obliged and then pounded into her from behind. “Fuck Dean, oh fuck!” She cried “Feels so good!”

He tried his best to hold back so he could pleasure her more, but it was all too much for him to hold on.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come.” He gritted as he felt her clench around him.

“Come, that’s it, come for me.” She told him as he let go, filling her with his load.

Once they were in the shower, she helped scrub his back and massaged his scalp just the way he liked while he rubbed her shoulders and held her slick body close. When they were done, she banished him from the bathroom, saying she had a surprise for him. Not sure what to do, he pulled his underwear and a plain shirt on and settled into bed. He flipped through his phone while he waited, answering a couple of texts from his buddies until he heard the bathroom door open.

She was wearing her hair in a ponytail and a dark red negligee that had a long split up the leg. His eyes popped in surprise as she sauntered over to him.

“Welcome home,” She said as she crawled on to the bed, coming closer to him “Sergeant Winchester.”

He swallowed, unable to form words as she got closer. A smile formed on his face as her lips barely brushed his.

“You like?” She asked sweetly as they kissed.

“Like?” He asked “like is an understatement for what this does for me.” He said, picking up the hem of the outfit. It showed off her thick thighs, ample backside and clung to her chest in all the right places. She gently grabbed him by the dog tags and kissed him deeply.

“What am I gonna do with you?” She asked as she kissed him “Should I let you fuck my throat this time or do you want my pussy again?”

“Fuck sweetheart,” he moaned “you’re gonna fucking kill me.”

“Or should I tie you up and do whatever I want with you?” She asked him.

“Maybe I’ll tie you up,” he answered “and eat that sweet little pussy until you beg me to fuck you.”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” She asked, her hands roaming over his chest and shoulders “Having your way with me?”

“Damn right baby,” he told her “I’m gonna fuck you right into this mattress until you scream for me.”

She pulled back and grinned at him, he pulled her into his lap as he slid his hands up and down her thighs.

“Missed this so much,” he said as he looked her up and down “having you right here with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she told him as she wrapped her arms around his neck and started to grind her bare sex on him “no matter how long you’re gone, I’ll wait for you.”

He moaned as he started to harden under her core.

“I love you,” she breathed, getting herself worked up “I love you so much.”

“Fuck,” he moaned as he kissed over the swell of her breasts “I love you too.”

The straps of the dress fell down, leaving her collar bone and shoulders bare as she stroked her core along his ridged cock. He nuzzled his face into her chest as she ran her fingers through his hair, the thick, brown locks felt the exact same as they had when he left.

“Babe,” she moaned “want you, want you so badly.”

He pushed his underwear down and she reached for the hem of the dress before he pushed her hand away.

“Leave it,” He told her “wanna see you come in this.”

She nodded and he took his cock into his hand, lining it up with her waiting hole. She sank down on top of him, her eyes rolling into the back of her head.

“You gonna ride me sweetheart?” He asked and she nodded.

“I’m gonna ride you so good.” She told him as she kissed him. He smacked her behind and she yelped which only made her ride him harder.

“That’s it sweetie,” he moaned into her skin “ah, you feel so good baby.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, riding him for all he was worth as he buried his face in her chest. He pushed the cups of the negligee down, her pink nipples spilling out of the fabric as he started to suck and lick over them.

“Dean!” She yelled as she moaned “oh, like that! Please like that!”

He slid his tongue in her mouth as he hands fondled her breasts cupping and kneading them in his hands. She bit her lip and tugged on his hair, making him look up at her. His green eyes bore into hers as he struggled to gain control of his own body. For the first time in a long time, he gave up. He surrendered to her touch, knowing she’d never hurt him. She loved him and he knew it deep down.

“Fuck baby,” he moaned as he kissed between her breasts “gonna come!”

“Fill me up handsome,” she said as she maids him lift his head up “Come deep inside me.”

His hips lost all sense of where he was, he fucked harder into her, and finally he finished deep in her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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[queen-ofthe-pumpkinpatch]

The Reluctant Countess: Chapter Five

Also available to read on Fictionpress under the same name. (There’s a link in my sidebar.)

Story Summary: When another plague outbreak arrives on the shores of the Black Sea in 1667, wealthy merchant’s daughter Rosalind is forced to flee her comfortable life for the relative safety of a remote village in the Carpathian Mountains. But she soon finds the humble village harbors a sinister secret and a haunted past.

A “Beauty and the Beast”-inspired vampire story, rated T for some violence. (The romance itself is going to be rated PG.)

Rosalind did not know what else to say to her aunt without contradicting her. They finished their gruel in prickly silence, broken only by the clink of their spoons. She could feel Ioana watching her with a frustrated intensity, but she chose not to acknowledge it. She could try to respect the superstitions of others, but she could not agree to live in fear and ignorance like her neighbors did.

           The world is much wider and greater than any of these people will ever know, Rosalind thought. Maybe if they traveled more than a few miles from home once in a while, or read a book other than the Bible, they would understand.

           As they washed up the dishes from their breakfast, they heard a voice outside that signified Faruk was also awake. Ioana drew aside the threadbare curtain. Faruk was on his prayer mat, presumably facing Mecca, and bowed in prayer.

           Rosalind could hear her aunt muttering something under her breath about “heathen worship” and “devilry,” but before Ioana could march over and interrupt Faruk’s invocations, Rosalind held her back by the elbow.

           “He’s saying his morning prayers, as we just did ourselves,” she pointed out quietly. “There’s no harm in it.”

           “I said he could stay in this house,” Ioana said in a clipped tone. “That doesn’t mean his foreign rituals are welcome.”

           Dear God, I hope Faruk cannot hear our conversation from here, Rosalind thought, groaning internally. The walls of this house were meager enough that it seemed likely.

           Rosalind could only speak a little Arabic that she had picked up from her tutors, but it was enough to understand the substance of Faruk’s prayers. If an appeal to reason and tolerance did not move her aunt, then perhaps an appeal to her familial duty would.

           “Aunt Ioana, it’s a prayer for the dead. He’s praying for my father’s soul; they were good friends. Please leave him be.”

           I know you aren’t as cold and hard as you pretend to be, Rosalind wished she could say, pleading instead with her eyes. Her aunt exhaled in a sharp gust, and as if expelling her annoyance in the same breath, her taut posture relaxed.

           “When he’s finished, tell him the stable needs cleaning,” Ioana said.

           “So what will you do now?”

           Faruk paused in his shoveling and looked back at Rosalind over his shoulder. “What do you mean?”

           Rosalind shrugged, keeping her eyes fixed on the fresh straw she was strewing over the stable floors. “I mean, you’ve fulfilled the promise you made to my father, haven’t you? You’ve delivered me safely to my family. But I doubt you were planning on remaining here indefinitely. Your education and skillset aren’t exactly in high demand here.”

           “No, I suppose they are not,” he agreed with a wry smile.

           “So will you…will you be going back?” Rosalind could not keep her tone as nonchalant as she wanted.

           Faruk sighed heavily. “Constanta is not safe at present. The quarantine is likely still in effect. But you are right, I did not intend to live permanently in Vseník.”

           She bit her lip. She wanted to ask him, please don’t leave me alone here, you’re my only friend, but she knew how selfish a request it would be. He had a life of his own to lead, and he had no reason to sequester himself in some backward alpine village that did not welcome him.

           “Of course, it would be a waste if your vast knowledge and inquiring mind was trapped here, where they won’t be appreciated,” she said, forcing a smile. “Will you be going home to Istanbul, then?”

           He hesitated. “I will. But not yet. There is still a portion of my promise that I have yet to fulfill.”

           She looked at him inquiringly.

           “I told your father that I would see you well-married and settled before I moved on,” he admitted, his eyes crinkling at the corners as if anticipating her displeasure. “Since he was not able to discharge that paternal duty himself.”

           “Ah.” Rosalind felt her stomach sinking. “I’m sorry, Faruk. You might be waiting a long time.”

           She was not utterly opposed to matrimony, or even to the idea of a practical match. She had always assumed that someday she would need to choose someone level-headed, financially stable, and preferably from a good family. Her father had hoped their money, tainted though it was by trade, might even tempt a landowning family to make an offer.

           But he had always, always insisted they would find a husband Rosalind could respect, and even grow to care for.

           Passion is what drew your mother and I together, her father had told her when she turned sixteen. It wasn’t sensible and we were much too young, too poor. I don’t want that kind of uncertainty and danger for you. But I don’t want you trapped in a union that suffocates you, either. Your mind is too sharp to throw it away on some dull clod. We’ll find a happy medium, my girl, I know we will.

           At the time, that prospect had seemed realistic. Under the present circumstances, however…

           “Somehow I doubt there’s a suitable husband for me among the dozen or so bachelors in this village,” Rosalind said with a nervous laugh. “At least, by my father’s standards.”

            Faruk sighed, leaning on his shovel thoughtfully. “Perhaps we will both be pleasantly surprised.”

           After the stables were cleaned out and the horses fed, Rosalind was sent to the cistern in the town square to fetch water. It must have been a customary chore at this point in the morning, for there was already a long queue of women, young and old, with jugs and jars balanced on their hips or on top of their heads. There was much chattering and friendly gossip among those waiting their turn. But when Rosalind joined the line, the two women nearest ceased their spirited discussion and stole furtive glances at her.

           Rosalind stood tall and firm, refusing to blush or appear cowed. She would not be embarrassed by the rudeness of others.

           She had almost reached the front of the queue when a hush fell suddenly over the women. They all seemed to be looking at someone behind Rosalind. She did not seem remarkable to Rosalind—a woman of about thirty, auburn hair tucked back into a white kerchief, muscular arms from lifting and laboring. She wore a homespun gown and apron just like the other women here. So why did the crowd part at her arrival, and silently let her pass to the front of the line?

           It did not seem like they favored her out of respect, for the other women watched her with narrowed eyes. As the stranger passed, Rosalind saw a silver charm gleaming at her neck: a hand reaching out with pinky and thumb extended, an eye inscribed in its palm. It was a symbol to ward off the Evil Eye, which Rosalind had seen Jewish women wear back home.

           When the Jewish woman passed her again with a full jug of water, she briefly caught Rosalind’s gaze. She had largely ignored her rude Christian neighbors with placid defiance, but she paused for a moment at Rosalind. The expression in her hazel eyes was not one of curiosity, or even hostility, but seemed oddly like recognition and pity. Before Rosalind could unscramble her thoughts enough to speak to the woman, she shook her head once as if resigned, and continued on.

           What was that all about? Rosalind wondered. There was something unsettling about the interaction, as if the woman had known something she herself did not.

           One of the matrons in front of Rosalind bent toward her and whispered, “That’s Judith. She works for Him. Our Lord, I mean.”

           On her walk home, Rosalind tried to simply focus on not spilling her precariously full jug of water, but she could not shake the prickling feeling on the back of her neck. She did not believe in omens; she was a skeptic. She was inclined to search for natural and rational explanations before turning to superstition and magic. But the atmosphere of this village was so strange and disconcerting that her stomach twisted constantly with apprehension.

           Something was wrong here. And she almost dreaded finding out what.

              Exhausted by her chores that day, Rosalind fell asleep almost the moment her aunt blew out the feeble candle. But she did not find rest or oblivion.

           Her dreams were meandering and endless. She felt like she was falling backwards through a deep, narrow shaft in the earth, the sunlight up above fading to a tiny pinprick, nothing to catch her fall but empty space. And as she tumbled through that dark tunnel, the air grew colder until she lost all feeling in her fingers and toes. There was nothing but the dark and the cold and the smell of freshly-turned earth.

           Her dream-self screamed and screamed, but no sound escaped her dry throat.

           Waking was a sluggish, gradual process. First she became aware of how stiff and rigid she seemed to be lying. It felt as if her bed beneath her had been replaced with a slab of stone. The surface beneath her fingertips was damp and slick. The air smelled musty and stale. Rosalind was disoriented from her dreams, and before she dared open her eyes, she tried to sort through what was real and what was just a nightmare.

           It was all just in my head, she thought with a swell of relief. How ridiculous I was to be so terrified! But it felt so real at the time. When I open my eyes, I’ll be in the bedroom with my aunt and Faruk.

           Dim, flickering golden light met her eyes when she managed to wrench them open.

           She didn’t know this place.

           She was still in her fine linen nightdress, but someone had placed a woolen blanket over her. The hard, smooth surface under her turned out to be a stone dais; the flickering light came from the circle of half-melted candles around her. On either side of her were two stone sarcophagi topped with intricate marble effigies—on her right, a veiled noblewoman holding a rosary studded with glimmering rubies, and on her left, an armored knight clutching a sword in his only hand.

           On the clammy rock-hewn walls was a bas-relief carving of skeletons holding hands in a courtly dance. Beneath it, the admonition Memento Mori.

           Rosalind sat up slowly, trying to get her bearings. What am I doing here? Looking at the moisture on the rough walls, she wondered, Is this some kind of…tomb or catacomb underground?

           Before she could contemplate the potential horror of a premature burial, her roaming eyes were drawn to a dark corner. Someone was watching her in silence.

[ashley-jones]

The Kings Mate

Chapter 21

The Form Of An Alpha

The group had once more started on there path once more, Rin walking beside Luna holding her hand tightly. Jaken rambling on and on while holding onto Ah Un’s reigns. The teen was able to have her sword back by her side, making her feel safer with them there.

Sesshomaru led the group as always, listening to Jaken ramble and Rin’s soft replies, and then arguments between Jaken and Luna each time the imp would insult Rin. “Insolent human!! Do not refer to me as if you are my equal!” Jaken yelled at Luna. The teen just shook her head and continued walking no longer arguing with the imp.

The act surprised Jaken, as the female would always hit back with fire, so when she didn’t it actually kind of scared him. “L-Luna..I’m starting to get hungry..” Rin whispered. The teen nodded and looked towards her mate. “Sesshomaru..Can I take Rin to get something to eat before we get much further?” she asked softly. “Do as you wish.” he answered.

The girl ran off, the teen soon following after her; both going towards a small river close by. Luna pulled off her combat boots and her stockings, leaving her in the skirt she had put on that morning and slowly stepped in the river with Rin. Both girls beginning to catch fish and setting them aside on the land. Rin ran around splashing around in the water giggling, and just having fun, as the girls had gathered enough fish, Jaken placing them on a line to have for later on. Sesshomaru had gone off ahead, letting the three know to come find him once they have finished. 

Jaken looked towards the teen who had cooked two grilled fish for the child and himself. Something was different about her, her attitude wasn’t as bright, and she wasn’t as talkative. He was about to confront her but a loud yell interrupted him. The teen stood up and looked back seeing a tall male, he had long black hair that was in a ponytail, and dressed in furs. “Oi! What do you three think your doing huh!?” he yelled  “What does it look like?” the teen questioned. She crossed her arms looking directly at the male. “Gathering on the wolf tribes land!” he yelled. Rin quickly went behind Jaken and Luna as wolves surrounded the area. Luna looked around watching the dogs before looking back at the man. “I see no claim. Just a bunch of dogs.” she stated. “Do you wish to die human!?” the man growled. He stomped up to her looking down at her with bright blue eyes, but the eyes that stared back at him, weren't the normal eyes of a human. A deep brown that showed a broken soul, but a girl with immense power.  He stepped back and looked at her closer. “I’m Koga.” he stated. The female looked at him confused expecting him to attack. “Luna..” she answered softly. Rin slowly stepped out looking up at the man, and Jaken lowered his staff noticing the male wasn’t going to attack.

 Luna looked around at the wolves noticing none of them had backed away like Koga had. “They won’t attack unless told to. So you have nothing to worry about.” Koga stated. The teen nodded and turned and kneeled down to Rin’s height making sure she was okay. Jaken ran off to gather Sesshomaru, even though the wolf demon had backed down, the imp still felt the need for the daiyokai’s protections.  The wolf demon stepped away once more so he wouldn’t scare the small child even more she already was, while also admiring the teenage girl. She was marked by a powerful demon, so he knew to keep his distance that way his scent wouldn’t attract onto her. But he also wanted to grab the girl and cover her in his scent, she reminded him of the human girl he had met only a few days ago, Kagome he believed her name was. 

Luna stood up when growls from the wolves emitted through the air, Jaken and Sesshomaru coming into view. Koga quickly jumped out of the way when the full blooded demon stepped out towards the two human girls. Both looking up and standing straight, Luna confused as to why he was here as no harm came to her, and the wolves showed no threatening pose until the daiyokai came into view. “Humph! They wont dare mess with us with Lord Sesshomaru around!” Jaken yelled. “They weren’t messing with us at all Jaken.. Koga backed down.. You were right beside me when he did.” Luna stated. Her arms crossing over her chest and looking down at the imp.  Sesshomaru said nothing and stared at the wolves paying no mind to the wolf demon standing close by, but instead making sure none of the dogs attacked. “Why are wolf demons on this side of the forest?” Sesshomaru finally questioned. “We were attacked. We had to move away before more were killed.” Koga answered. His voice just as monotone as Sesshomaru’s, both holding cold eyes as they stared at each other. 

“Lord Sesshomaru.. I think the wolves like Luna..” Jaken mentioned. The imp pointed towards the teen who was standing by the river, surrounded by packs of wolves. The teen now fully dressed once more while watching the dogs with curious eyes. She slowly stepped past the wolves, each of them moving out of her way allowing her to rejoin her group. Koha stepped close to her sniffing at her. “You look human, smell human, act human..No wolves show curiosity in a human.” he stated. The female just shrugged smiling softly. “Guess I’m just special.”

The group had moved away from the wolves later to start up camp for the evening. Rin running around wearing herself out, while Jaken chased after her. Luna had gone to the hot springs to take a quick bath, and to wash the wolves scent off of her. Her body was sank into the water her hair in a high bun, a kimono sitting beside her dirtied clothing.

Sessuomaru had brought it back for her, it being shorter allowing the female to move easily in it, and also allowing her sword to sit properly against her side. Speaking of the daiyokai he wasn’t sitting far from the hot sponges, his back rested against a tree beside the females small bag. She smiled and slowly pushed herself out of the water and onto the bank using the towel she had brought with her to dry off and began slipping her undergarments on.

“What does your tattoo represent?” Sesshoamru questioned. She hummed clipping her bra into place and looking back at him. She smiled softly and stood up. “it symbolizes supernatural power, wisdom, strength, and hidden knowledge. Also I think the design is beautiful..” she said softly. She looked at the kimono before whispering a small help. The demon smirked slightly and stood up walking over to his mate. “Do you not have kimonos in this era of yours?” he questioned as he began tying the obi for her. “We do..I just don’t wear them, because I’m not originally from Japan, so I never learned how to put one on..” she said softly while watching him.

He just hummed as he continued tying it, and making sure it was straight against her skin; then moved away looking at her flushed face.

She smiled up at him, her eyes soon closing as he placed a chaste kiss against her lips. She placed her hand against his chest leaning up on her tip toes that way she could reach him better. The demon soon moved away and looked up towards the cliff, her eyes following his and taking in the sight of the wolf tribe. “I wonder what attacked them..” she mumbled.

He said nothing while watching the tribe closely, while the female kneeled down picking up her dotted clothing; folding them and placing them neatly in her bag. She stood up putting the bag over her shoulder and picking up her swords. “We should head back..” she said softly. Sesshomaru nodded and began walking but allowed the teen to catch up so she was walking right beside him.

Rin was curled up beside Ah Un, the teen soon joining her holding her small body close so she wouldn’t get cold. In which the small girl cuddled up against her enjoying the teens warmth. The daiyokai had settled down against a tree near the two girls, Jaken passed out beside the fire.

Brown eyes shot open and her body was leaned against the wall. She took realization that she was no longer in the forest but instead a cave. She attempted to move but her arms and legs where tied, her mouth gagged with some type of cloth. “Don’t move too much.” Koga spoke.

She glared at him letting out muffled yells through the gag. How the hell did he get her here?! How did he get passed Sesshomaru?! “Quit moving or say goodbye to the child!” he growled. Her eyes widened and quickly looked over, anger filling her eyes when she saw Rin was in the same position as her, but she was shaking in fear. Then in front of her laid Jaken who was attempting to argue, or call out to Sesshomaru but it just came out muffled.

But the females eyes where mainly on the child before shooting back towards Koga yelling through the gag. “I expected your mate to put up more of a fight against the wolves. But I guess even the great dog demon has weaknesses.” Another of the tribe said. Luna’s eyes widened at what the boy had said.

Her eyes followed another member of the tribe as she grabbed a hold of Rin, more muffled yells left the teens lips. Rin let out cries when a clawed hand met her throat.

Luna struggled her teeth ripping the cloth and a loud yell emitted from her throat. “Put her down!!” she yelled. The tribe quickly turned to the female their eyes widening; bright blue eyes shinned terrifyingly through the cave, fangs going past the females lips. Even Jaken went quiet no longer screaming out for their lord but instead looking to the teen for protection. Her bindings tore and the female holding Rin was thrown back against the cave wall.

Rin quickly moved behind Luna untying herself and Jaken. The tribe all growling and looking directly at the female. But the moment they stepped forward a loud growl left the females lips, sharp canines showing and eyes shining dangerously. She stepped forward growling, a light cracking coming from her as a bright blue light surrounded her turning to a dog form, protecting the two; and anyone who dared to attack wound up tore in half.

Koga and 2 others stood along before backing up and quickly running away. Blood dripped from her muzzle as she growled. Rin and Jaken looked at their protector who leaned down allowing the two to climb on top of her. Once she knew the two were comfortable she took off into a run catching Sesshomaru’s scent easily.

The daiyokai tossed the wolf to the side and quickly turned around when Jaken’s voice came into his earshot. The imp jumping off a large black wolf joined by Rin who ran up to the demon. “Lord Sesshomaru!!” Jaken yelled. The wolf kneeled down and laid its muzzle against their front paw. “It’s Luna..” Rin said. This information surprised the daiyokai, the fur was filtered in blood; and not a single scratch was placed on Rin or Jaken.

He walked to the wolf who’s head was bowed, he kneeled and as he did the females scent hit his nose. “She protected Rin m’lord..A wolf demon was going to attack and Luna ripped through her restrains, eyes glowing bright blue and fangs sharper than your claws.. and then she was surrounded by a bright light; and then she was wolf..” Jaken explained.. “I see..” he mumbled touching the top of the wolfs head.

[sunnymothman]

how to survive the cold when youve got no heat

im not sure if this has been done but ive never seen a list of ways to get through the winter without heat, and these are some of the things i wish id known before so here you go

keep your hair dry: do not go to bed with wet hair, it increases your chances of getting a cold or even pneumonia, if you have to have wet hair to style it then maybe wear a hat unless youre going places with heat where you plan on staying for a while like school or the store, or just wear a hat

cover your face: pull a blanket or scarf over your mouth and nose, the warmth of your breath can help keep you from getting a runny nose, and prevent wind burn or frost bite if its that cold

buy more blankets: this may seem obvious but seriously if you have it get some cheap throws from walmart or something, more layers can help you out or you could slice one up to make scarves, cut a hole in the middle to wear like a poncho

let the oven run: if youre fortunate enough to have an oven where you live, then bake or roast something, this alone can warm the place up, but when youre done just leave the door open, just make sure pets and children stay a safe distance

wear your clothes to bed: put on the clothes you plan to wear the next day and just wear them to bed so you dont have to worry about getting undressed in the cold, if its especially cold consider layering your day clothes over your pajamas

sleep together: if you live with a family or group of people consider piling all into the same room to sleep at night, you dont have to share beds but having multiple bodies in the room together can make it a bit warmer, especially if the closet and room doors are closed to trap in the heat

make hearty meals: if youre able to, make a big pot of stew, soup, or chilly, big enough to make two or three meals, hearty meals can warm you up and keep you feeling full, even buy cans of soup or stew or whatever and heat them up if you have a stove or burner

try to stay indoors: by this i mean go to the store, even if you dont plan on buying anything, places like walmart usually wont kick you out for being there a lot, malls are usually big and you can just walk around or sit in one of the chair areas

ive done most of these at one point or another and they help, even if its only temporary relief

if anyone else wants to add anything then please do and stay safe my friends

[singingpeople]

Undoing

Chapter 5

 *Warning: This chapter may contain trigger*

@beautifulramblingbrains @pathybo @tigpooh67 @jojuarez26 @iammarylastar @lets-play-truth-or-dare @deepfrz @carefultheyspit @vitaevandal @bookwarm85 @mom2reesie @kellieabro @lauraaan182 @readsalot73 @beltz2016 @you-wont-let-me-let-you-go @frecklefaceb   @tomarisela

They told me once "There's a place where love conquers all" A city with the streets full of milk and honey I haven't found it yet, but I'm still searching All I know is a hopeless place that flows with the blood of my kin Perhaps hopeless isn't a place

Nothing but a state of mind They told me once "Don't trust the moon, she's always changing" The shores bend and break for her And she begs to be loved But nothing here is as it seems

Nothing here is as it seems

 - Good mourning, Halsey

 Getting all the food into the factionless sector was complicated enough in itself, facing not only all my former friends but also my ex and the man whose room I occupied, the one who was present at the worst moment of my life, was pure torture.

Just to my luck, it was the turn of the dauntless initiates to watch over the abnegation handing out food, even the transfers were here. After a mere two weeks of training, I wouldn't hand them a knife and certainly no semi-automatic weapon. But knowing Eric, he´d gotten bored with their training program and decided to change it up a little. For a man who prided himself in thinking rationally, his temper was awfully active while making rash decisions. This was certainly one of them.

 The man himself, of course, wasn't here, either too busy with paperwork or not interested in playing babysitter. But maybe he just stayed home to enjoy the company of one of the women he taunted me with. I knew I had left him and that it was my own fault but crawling into the bed of the next best dauntless not even seven days after he brought up marriage… felt like someone turning the dagger in my chest, only pushing deeper.

For him I had stopped existing the night I send him away and like it seemed, my friends shared this sentiment.

 Ever since I walked into the hall where the majority of the factionless lived, every time I handed out a package with food, I could feel their stares on me, drilling into my body, taking in my new appearance, judging me.

Macy hadn’t spared my one glance after recognizing me, instead turning away to walk over where my brother stood, getting up onto the tips of her toes to whisper something into his ear. Turning his head, Aiden´s gaze met mine with a coldness that managed to freeze the blood in my veins but instead of averting my eyes, I waited until he looked away, disgust written all over his expression.

 Feeling my stomach fall, I refused to let my emotions shine through, using one of the first lections Marcus had taught me over dinner, that letting your own feeling hinder your ability to help others was utterly selfish. And if I wanted to prevail in my new faction, at least until I had accomplished what I came here for, I would have to play my part.

Pushing every feeling away, I walked right past the others, ignoring the lingering stare from a dark-haired transfer that rubbed me the wrong way. Arriving in the darkest corner, it wasn’t hard to make out the form of the soldier that I had met back in abnegation. He nodded as a greeting and came forwards, accepting the envelope with the numbers I had copied from Marcus´ folders that I pulled from my dress.

 “Good job.” He told me quietly, giving me a tight smile before he left, unceremoniously pocketing the only thing I had accomplished so far before he disappeared between the other members. I watched him leave, sighing as I realized that I better get going. The last thing I wanted was another lecture from Marcus that would only make me feel worse about my current situation because there was nothing I could do to change it.

 With the care package in hand, I searched my surroundings after someone I could give it to, my gaze falling on a familiar face. My lips curled up into a grin, I approached the girl who would fit right into the rows of the initiates, her tattered clothes replaced by my old uniform.

She saw me approach and gave me a small smirk, taking the food I handed her.

“You look almost as good in that as I did… Almost.”

 “Uhh, a stiff with humor.” Wiggling her eyebrows at me, she pulled the piece of bread from the bag and took a large bite, chewing fast. It was obvious she was hungry but I refrained from letting shine through any of the pity I felt, sensing she was just like me, someone who detested showing any weakness.

 “What can I say, I´m unique.” I joked, chuckling quietly which made her laugh too. All the while making sure I wouldn’t stand out. Furrowing my brows, I realized I didn’t even know what to call her. “What´s your name?”

 She stopped chewing and threw me a wary look, almost as if she couldn't believe I would be interested. Knowing that I was raised in dauntless and how they treated factionless, I couldn't blame her for being suspicious. After contemplating carefully for a few moments, she finally spoke up. "Luna…. My name´s Luna."

 “It´s nice to meet you, I´m Casey.”

 “Likewise.” Giving me a tight smile, Luna waved her bag at me. "I have to get going… finding a warm, dry place to spend the night. Thanks for the food."

 "You´re welcome," I answered, giving her a last smile before I went back to the basket, giving out care packages to more factionless. Most of them were nice, even telling me ‘thank you', something I had never encountered while wearing black. Obviously, there was more to being abnegation than I had realized.

 I was just done giving food to an older man when I spotted the familiar form of Four patrolling the perimeter. He turned around and I inhaled sharply, the state his face was in deeply unsettling. His left eye was discolored, almost black from the force a fist had met his nose, scraps covering his lips and the space above his eyebrows. He looked like he had taken a good beating and I knew only one person that was able to inflict this much damage.

Turning my head towards the figure that appeared by my side, I questioned quietly.

“What the hell happened to him?”

 "You already know." Uriah heaved a sigh, folding his arms over his chest. "Eric saw the tape where Four asked you to come with him on the evening before choosing… the next day you deflected and he is hell-bent that he had a hand in it." Hesitating a moment, he added quietly. "Did he?"

 “Of course not.” Shaking my head, I met Four´s inquisitive gaze and averted my eyes. “I had my reasons…”

 “I guess so…” Uriah answered, giving me a small smile, bumping into my shoulder when I didn’t retaliate it. “You know, I´m sorry about what I said on the roof… about abnegation having no skills, that was stupid…”

 This time I laughed, rolling my eyes at him. “By now you should know I´m not resentful. Don´t worry, you weren’t all wrong…” We were both quiet for a few moments until his name was called and we turned around, Macy calling him over with a scowl on her face, even Aiden was watching the two of us with narrowed eyes. Sighing Uriah, scrunched up his face.

 "Guess I´ll have to go… I just wanted to say that you know how to rock the grey look, baggy and all that." He gave me a wink and a smirk while walking backward to my brother who refused to acknowledge me as a part of his family. Macy immediately started whispering furiously, pulling him further away from me.

I watched them with a sinking feeling, the last piece of friendliness I was surrounded with leaving with Uriah.

Sensing Marcus´ stare on me, I went back to work, taking one of the spare blankets to hand to a young mother and her child waiting for her turn but before I reached her someone stepped in front of me, blocking my way.

 I stayed silent, waiting for the dauntless to step out of my way but he didn't move. Slowly trailing my eyes upwards, I meet the stare of the same transfer that had been staring at me before with that provocative expression on his face, his crooked nose broken at least once, brown hair falling onto his forehead. The obligatory weapon in hands he was looking down at me, cocking his head and I immediately knew he thought he was better than me, that I, just because I was wearing grey was less than dirt in his shoes.

I knew it because it was the same one Eric spared all the people he deemed to be beneath him. And I fucking hated it.

 “Aren´t you the one from dauntless?” He asked, feigning ignorance. “Casey, right?”

 "I am." Forcing a smile on my face, I meet his gaze head on. If he thought he could intimidate me with that thing in his hand, I was sure he had no idea how to handle, he was wrong. And if he came to mess with me he´d chosen the wrong one. "What can I help you with?"

 “I was just curious…” The smile on his face was acid. “How does it feel?” When furrowed my brows, he specified his question. “I mean deflecting from dauntless must have been hard. From what I heard most will never speak to their families again, they´re considered traitors…”

 “Faction before Blood, isn’t it?” I answered, refusing to show him he had just managed to hit the sore spot. First survival rule in dauntless you´ll ever learn: never show weakness. Second one: play them. “But aren’t you a transfer, too? You should know what it means. Now, if that´s all I have things to do –”

I went to take a step past him but he cut me off again. Glaring up at him, the smile tugging up his lips contradicted the expression in his eyes.

This one, I realized, was the kind that would do everything to strive in dauntless without honoring our values. A perfect fit for Max´s new regime.

 “Not at all.” Sighing, he took a step closer, getting into my personal space. “I also heard you were living with Marcus Eaton… as well as rumors about you and Eric… seems you have an affinity for leaders. So my question, you only let leaders take a look beneath that rug?”

 His audacity had me exhale heavily and I stared at him for a moment before a too sweet smile took over my face and I stepped forward, my face only inches away from his chest. Looking up into his deep brown eyes, I let the desire of manslaughter shine through, my voice like honey. “Get out of my fucking way.”

 “What if I don’t?” He asked, making the mistake of stepping forward instead of slowly backing away with his tails between his legs, even swatting the blanket from my hands. With a gritted jaw, I looked from the cloth of fabric on the floor back towards him, my mind made up. Dauntless number three: Never pick a fight with someone that will crush you.

“What if I´d like to see what stiffs wear beneath those bags? I heard –”

 Sadly, I´d never find out what exactly he heard about grey´s because in the next second I had ripped the rifle from his hands and brought the heel up, sending it right into his nose that cracked with a satisfying sound, immediately starting to gush rivers of blood before sending him to the floor with one placed kick to his knees.

While the foolish transfer cried out in pain, I dissembled the weapon with skilled hands, letting the parts fall onto the floor beside him.

Bending done until my face was right above his and he stared at me through teary eyes, I gave him another award-winning smile and a reminder he should take to heart if he wanted to survive in the compound.

“Never challenge someone you don´t stand a chance against, idiot.”

 Straightening up, I smirked, satisfied that I had taught him a lesson he wouldn’t forget but the smile slowly vanished from my face as I found everyone staring at me in various stages of shock. My fellow initiates were staring at me as if I was the devil incarnate, my stomach falling with every disapproving gaze one of the members in grey send my way while the dauntless understood my reasoning. At least most.

Slowly shaking his head at me, my brother left the room followed by the one I had once called my best friends. Only Uriah, Lynn and surprisingly Luna had to suppress their smiles while some of his fellow transfers wore satisfying expressions that only fueled my former assumptions: he was an asshole.

 Slowly turning my head, I met Four´s deep blue eyes, his expression saying more than a thousand words. What the hell were you thinking?

Well, I wasn´t… Widening my eyes, my nonverbal answer had him shake his head but the slightly disappointed expression was suddenly replaced by hardness as he stared past me, his blue eyes cold. I had no chance to turn my head and see what had elicited the change in him before I was grabbed by my upper arm and roughly pulled away, fingernails biting into my skin. Startled, I couldn’t stop the small gasp from leaving my mouth while violently being lead out of the hall by Marcus who was staring straight ahead with his jaw clenched, the jugular on his neck throbbing furiously. Looking back, the last thing I saw was Four who had taken a step forward, staring after the two of us with an expression akin to panic, fists clenched at his side.

 Knowing that this was his father and he knew him best, as well as never having seen Four wear an expression like that, I knew I had fucked up. Badly.

 “Marcus, I –”

 “QUIET!” He bellowed, giving me a glare that had the blood in my veins freeze. “That was strike three.”

The door met the wall with a bang as I was thrown into my room, the ribs of my upper right side colliding with the wooden frame of the bed in an explosion of pain, the force taking my breath away. I had taken enough blows in my life to know he had just cracked one.

Rolling myself away, I landed on the arm Marcus hadn´t let go once, suppressing the blood flow with his viselike grip, harshly panting for air. I hoped he would have taken enough satisfaction, hurting me like this but when I looked up at him through blurry eyes all I found was unadulterated rage staring back at me.

“I´m sorry, Marcus. I –” I attempted to address the issue somewhat calmly but he was long gone.

 “Shut up!” He screamed, his face turning red. While I recoiled, hitting my head against the frame behind me, Marcus was frozen in the middle of the room with his fists balled and eyes closed, struggling to retain his composure. My hands started shaking.

 “Do you know what you just did? Out there?” Marcus ground out through gritted teeth, his face turning red in rage as he pointed with his arm towards the window. Shaking my head, because for the first time in my life I was too terrified to speak out loud, I pressed myself tighter against the wooden frame when he took a step closer.

Pacing the room, Marcus pulled on his hair like I had seen it Four doing a thousand times but the two men, I realized, were as different as night and day but all I could do is watch him talking himself further into his rage.

“You compromised not only yourself with your foolishly violent behavior, you made me look like a fool in front of these savages! They already think bad enough of my faction as it is but as soon as they hear about your infraction, the infraction of the girl I have selflessly taken into my own home, my four walls, to teach how to act as one of us they will think of me as nothing but a good-for-nothing blighter that is unable to lead a faction, nevertheless the government of our city!”

 The maniacal glint in his eyes made the ball of anxiety in my stomach curl even tighter, making it harder it to breathe than it already was after the hit I took. Maybe I should have interrupted him, tried to calm him down instead of cowering away from him but the paralyzing fear inside my brain made it impossible to form a coherent thought that had nothing to do with the urge to flee the room, the house and maybe even the faction itself. Marcus continued his tirade as if I was invisible. Oh, how I wished I was…

 “You made me look like an incompetent idiot in front of my good-for-nothing son that abandoned me the first chance he got, you ridiculed me in the worst way possible! He is the reason those rumors started, the reason why Matthews thinks she can take over everything I worked for my whole life!

I came here with nothing and I made this faction what it is: the real government of our city, not just one that is controlled by the likes of those blue snobs or black boneheads. Me, it was all ME!”

 Suddenly he started laughing, a short, breathless, insane laugh that made me realize what he really was: a megalomaniac who had been trusted to lead our government.

Marcus Eaton was insane through and through.

I had to get out of here before he killed me.

“Yes… I´m the one who made Abnegation what it is today. Not Brewster, the old bitch, not Prior with his self-righteous wife and traitor children, it was all me!”

 Using the moment, he was farthest away with his pacing, I scrambled off the floor and made a jump to the door. “No, you don´t!”

 My hand touched the doorknob when I was grabbed from behind and with immense force thrown through the room, landing with my back on the mattress but continued rolling until my sore shoulder and my head hit the wall.

Dazed, I tried to roll myself away while the whole room was blurring but was pulled back by my ankle. Feeling him strip the shoes from my feet, I kicked back but Marcus was too strong, pinning them to the bed while he started bunching my dress up.

The adrenalin flooding my veins had me fighting back despite my spinning head, there was no way I would let him defile me in such a vile way, not while I was still conscious.

 I managed to plant my foot in his abdomen and shove him away from me, I even managed to get off the bed but Marcus once again pulled me back, using the fact that I was standing to rip the dress over my head. Instead of pulling it down my arms too, he twisted it in front of my body and threw me back onto the bed, my face landing in the flat pillow.

Lying on my bound hands I had no leverage to get away and Marcus used this, keeping me pinned to the bed with his knee in my back.

 “People like you,” Marcus grunted, panting harshly. “or my son, you're just so ungrateful! After all that I´ve done for you, this is how you repay me? With shame and humiliation, just like he did… or his mother, the dumb cunt! Coming into my house, into my bed just to tell me what I couldn’t do!

There was only ever one way to put people like you in your place."

 Hearing his belt buckle, I helplessly sobbed into my pillow knowing there was nothing preventing him from exposing me completely, to use me any way he wanted. We were alone and no one would hear me screaming…

Dauntless never give up, but I wasn’t dauntless anymore… was I?

 But instead of pulling down my underwear, he pulled my whole body down until I was kneeling on the floor, my torso on top of the bed, keeping me there with a hand between my shoulder blades.

 “Yes, there was only ever one way…” He muttered, suddenly awfully calm. It had my heart race in my chest. “Just remember: This is for your own good.”

 I heard the whipping of the belt a second before the impact and the pain to register in my brain took even longer but when it did, I couldn’t help but scream out in sheer agony, having never felt pain like this in all my life.

But Marcus didn’t leave it with one hit.

 Over and over again the leather met the until now flawless skin on my back, splitting the uppermost layer until I felt liquid running down my sides that were violently heaving, trying to breathe through the pain that paralyzed my whole body. I thought the pain couldn't get worse but once again he proved me wrong as he shifted the belt after an especially vicious hit and suddenly it wasn't just leather anymore but metal that had me seeing stars, so severe was the agony that I was on the verge of passing out. I wished I did.

I couldn’t contain the ear shattering scream that had him strikes out an extra two times just to prove a point.

The noise of metal hitting wood as the belt hit the floor was almost lost to my ringing ears, all I could think about was the anguish consuming me whole.

 “Clean yourself up. Stupid bitch…” Marcus spat before his footsteps leaving the room were heard, followed by the door being closed shut. Not able to move, I could just pull my arms from the dress and slide down to the floor in some state of shock that was numbing my brain. The pain was still there, was still all-consuming but my brain must have hit the preserve button, leading me into a corner of my mind where the reality was far away, my eyes unfocused staring at the grey wall that hid my suffering from all the prying eyes.

If just Eric was here… he´d know what to do…

 Images of the two of us flitted through my mind like a movie on repeat and I let them pull me away, distract me from the harsh reality that my life had become.

I stayed curled up for a long time, the kisses from the belt on my skin spilling blood that was slowly running down my body was almost not felt over the searing pain the metal buckle had caused, leaving a deep incision in my flesh. Staring at the grey wall, all I saw was Marcus enraged and Four´s frightened face. Did his father do this to him too? For over eighteen years…?

He never told anyone, he was brave and stubborn and survived, lived through this hell on earth. I wasn't sure if I could do that, could survive another whipping like this. If I wouldn't get out of this house after initiation, I was done for.

This would be my undoing.

 The bench we girls all were perched on was uncomfortable and hard against my still tender skin. Head angled down in respect the other initiates and I were all waiting for one of the elders to get up onto the small stage in the middle of the room that was specifically for this occasion, the reading of the manifesto to mark the end of our initiation.

 The last two weeks have been hell for me. After spending the whole night on the cold floor, I had been able to drag myself into the shower, the warm water burning like acid on my skin. Opening the cabinet, I had realized for the first time what the disinfection agent was for and had used my left arm, the one I could still raise to pour it down my back, stifling my screams with a towel.

Of course, I wasn't excused from my duties, it would have raised too many questions but Marcus had me do paperwork and other stuff I could do while sitting down. I knew for a fact he did not do it out of nicety but to save his own ass.

It would have been my duty to report it, to make sure Marcus would serve his lifetime in the factionless area but the duty towards my old faction was so much more important. Because my sense of righteousness had me stay silent… as well as my own shame.

 All my life, I had been trained to defend myself, to inflict the person that wanted to harm me unimaginable pain, it would have been my whole life if I had stayed in dauntless. But I failed miserably, shamefully.

I was a coward.

 It had been so easy, breaking the transfers nose even though he was at least double my weight and physically in his prime. So why couldn't I handle an old man that was out of breath arriving on top of the stairs?

No, if this ever became public the future I hoped for at dauntless would be gone forever. There was a reason Four never spoke of it. Because he knew what the members would have whispered behind his back. He wouldn’t be the prodigy, he´d be just a weak little boy.

He just knew…

 People like Eric and my brother would have made fun of him, they already did. And I… I would have seen nothing wrong with it. After all Eric´s opinion had been my religion, I would have defended it with claw and tooth until I felt they had suffered enough for their blasphemies. But now, I knew that Eric had been wrong, that I had been wrong and I wanted nothing more than to tell Four how sorry I was. Even if he didn’t care, it was important to me. Maybe I would find a way…

 A movement in the middle of the room pulled me from my thoughts and I looked up to see one of the oldest members, an eighty-year-old man I had done the laundry for last week, scrubbing until the scab split open again, discoloring the nth pair of cotton bandages, step up onto the stage, helped by another member. Taking a seat on the chair that had been placed there for him, he was handed the paper that held the manifesto, squinting his eyes to recognize the letters that must have been blurring with the way his hand shook.

Having the oldest, and most certainly slowest, person of whole Abnegation reciting the words was somewhat fitting, the prospect of our whole life welcoming us with his brittle voice, like nails on a chalkboard.

 Another figure stepped up towards him and I immediately averted my eyes, just getting a glimpse at Marcus´ patronizing smile as he gazed down towards his people, hands folded in front of his pouch. Living with him has been an ongoing nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. Not being able to relax because I walked around the house on tiptoes, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Marcus to lose it like he did that day, kept me in a constant state of anxiety. I wasn’t able to sleep properly knowing he was just down the hall, that there was nothing that would stop him from coming into my room and take it even further than last time. I also couldn’t eat and what little I managed to get down made a reappearance whenever the distant sound of leather splitting flesh rose in my ears.

Until a few days ago, I was successful in hiding it but Natalie found me in the bathroom and the caring woman she was, ordered me to go to the doctor. Letting him take an extensive blood sample while refusing to undress me with the excuse of being not comfortable being close to naked around men, he found that nothing was wrong with me.

Except for one thing…

 “We are all gathered here today,” Marcus spoke up, immediately drawing the attention of everyone inside the room onto him with his charismatic voice that was pleasant to all of them, except me. I had seen the monster in him that could never be unseen again. "to celebrate the end of initiation, to welcome our initiates as members of our society. So that we shall thrive and prosper under their fresh, watchful gazes. That their hands that have yet to contribute their part to our community shall not be idle, but always lending, helping. That our new members shall be the epitome of our values, of selflessness, of self-denial.

Welcome them as fully-functioning members of our society, of the part they have chosen four weeks ago.

Faction before Blood.”

 “Faction before Blood.” Was echoed through the whole room, voices somber and thoughtful. I lacked behind but my lack of enthusiasm stayed unnoticed, after all, it fit right in. Stepping down, Marcus gestured towards the man to start reading, his gaze falling onto me like so often. He had to make sure I wasn't stepping out of line.

 Clearing his throat, the elder started reciting with a weak voice, having to stop ever so often because a cough attack rattled him. Cynically, I thought to myself that if he wouldn’t hurry up he´d die up there.

  "I will be my undoing If I become my obsession.

I will forget the ones I love If I do not serve them.

I will war with others If I refuse to see them.

Therefore, I choose to turn away from my reflection,

To rely not on myself

But on my brothers and sisters,

To project always outward

Until I disappear."

 He finished, adding the non-obligatory "Only God remains", joined by about half of the faction. It wasn't lost on me that our leader joined in. Funny, I had never seen him as a man of faith.

 The following part of the ceremony was the one I dreaded most. We had to stay where we are while the senior members all came to wash our feet, a symbol of hospitality and that we were all equal, that no one was too important to serve another.

I had hated feet with a passion for all my life and barely managed to touch my own. But let a stranger do it? Disgusting.

 It ended up being a woman I only knew from passing, the wife of a council member if I was right, that knelt in front of my exposed feet with a wet towel and a dry one, methodically but throughout cleaning the limb while I was cringing, before getting up and giving me a comforting smile. I would never, ever do that.

 The dark blue eyes watching my every movement had the underlying disgust vanish from my expression and I struggled to put on the emotionless mask I had developed over the last few weeks. No one should witness my shame, every weakness displayed could mean your ultimate demise, a target for whoever that wanted to hurt you.

I knew my someone.

 When even the last one of the initiates had shiny clean feet, we put our stockings and shoes back on before we were lead to the large table in the next room that was already stocked with our common meal, nothing more than bland chicken and unseasoned potatoes. The lack of enthusiasm, even while anticipated, made the whole ordeal feel ordinary, nothing special. There was no laughter, no alcohol, of course, nothing that portrayed the significance of this day for all eight of us. Not even a piece of cake.

It made me feel even smaller, more insignificant than ever.

I could already feel myself disappearing, swept up by a sea of grey that swallowed me whole. It was like slowly drowning – and there was nothing I could do, except taking it with a smile.

 I was seated to Marcus right, now that I was officially his personal assistant. He had gotten word from the other leaders that permitted his request without even speaking to me. They considered it an honor, a privilege to serve directly under their head leader and even though there was nothing I would have hated to do more, it earned me small jealous glares from the redhead whose name I had already forgotten again.

 Susan and the other two would move into a house that already held two unmarried women, while the boys would all share one house until it was their time to court a woman, make her their wife and move into a house of their own.

I, on the other hand, would stay with Marcus, in Four´s old room because he needed his assistant close by. I had kept a brave face when he told me but that night, I cried into my pillow that muffled every sound.

 Torn between the need to complete my mission as soon as possible and to be as far away from him as possible, I had decided to stay even though every fiber of my body screamed for me to leave, my back being the loudest one. I hadn’t made so many sacrifices to fail now. There was one person I had to protect at all costs.

 The meal was a somber occasion and I stayed quiet most of the time despite that it should have been the time we spoke up as adults, as their equals. But with Marcus beside me, I didn’t take the risk. The only perk our celebration had that we were excused from doing the dishes and I used the opportunity to flee the table as soon as possible. Exhausted, all I wanted to do was get away.

 The last sun rays were just disappearing behind the abandoned skyscrapers and I inhaled deeply, letting the chill evening air fill my lungs, lightening the weight that had settled in my stomach just for a little. I was thankful for all the peace I could get.

Especially knowing what was to come in the next few months.

 Searching my pocket for the piece of paper hidden, my fingers tightened around the worn-out edges and I pulled it out, staring down at it like I had done for the last four days, a small sliver of hope growing in my heart just to be nipped in the bud by the despair I felt. My fingers gingerly touched the black and white image, circling around the small bubble in the center of it, where a piece of Eric was growing inside my body.

My reason to not abandon the mission, so that my child wouldn’t grow up in a city full of ashes and hate, nothing left for him or her when they grew up. No, I couldn’t do that to his child, to my child.

 I´m going to everything to make sure you will grow up not having to worry about shelter or food, little one. Even if it kills me in the end.

I honestly don´t know what to say… sorry? :D I already hinted that this story won´t be an overly happy one and it won´t get much better in the chapters to come… I also don´t know if the scene was overly graphic, just tell me if you liked it (the portrayal, not the deed itself) or not.. feedback is always good :)

I´ll stop rambling now & go to bed… I honestly don´t know what I´m writing anymore… :D

Thanks for being so patient! And to everyone who read & reviewed! :)

[dazombi3fari3]

Hey doll hey!!! Hope all is well with you today. I have for you a product review on Charlotte Tilbury Cosmetics. I gotta say that I waited a very long time to purchase her line. It’s expensive and I was afraid I wouldn’t like the products. I purchased all these products from Beautylish and took advantage of the split pay option so that I could purchase a full face of products.

I’ve always been curious about her makeup line I was just afraid it would end up being another high priced, semi Ok quality makeup like a few others I had tried. Boy was I wrong!!! The quality of her makeup is amazing!

Now, I had a doctor’s appointment today so I rushed through my makeup routine today… but even with that I could tell it was a great purchase.

  Let’s get started with the review….

  Magic Away Liquid Concealer A++!!!                                                                                                First of all can we talk packaging??? It is so luxurious, the tube is heavy and you can tell a lot of pride went into it’s design. I paid $32 for .13 fluid ounces of product. It comes in 20 shades with 9 of those shadows for deeper skin. This concealer threw me a little. It has a sponge tip wand and I expected that it would deposit a lot of product…. It didn’t. A very small amount was dispensed and I thought no way was this going to cover my under eyes… just that little bit of product not only covered, but also brightened my eyes… It set down wonderfully…. no need to set this concealer. Normally when you have a concealer that sets down itself it is drying under the eye or will settle into the fine lines…. this is not the case with the Magic Away Liquid Concealer… it’s a thin formula with high coverage that sets but stays nourishing. It blends into the skin so well you can’t even tell you are wearing concealer.  This is the concealer you want to have in you arsenal for those days were you want to spot conceal but not wear a ton of makeup….. I can see using this under the eyes, around the nose, and blemishes and nothing more…. it melts into the skin so seamlessly that you wont be able to tell where you have placed it…. I already reordered a back up so I don’t run out. I am in the color 5.5 Medium (Light olive for medium skin with neutral undertones)  however I think 5 Medium (Sand for light and medium skin with all undertones) would be better for my under eye… not that 5.5 looked bad, I just like my under eye just a tad more peachy toned.

Magic Foundation A+++!                                                                                                                This is a frosted glass bottle with a plastic pump. I paid $44 for 1 fluid ounce. It comes in 20 shades with 8 shade dedicated to deeper skin. I had heard nothing but good things about this foundation… It’s billed as a full cover foundation. It is in fact a full coverage foundation but the difference between most full coverage foundations and Magic Foundation is that while it does fully cover the imperfections of the skin it blends in almost to nothing …. I used the zoom side of my mirror and still couldn’t tell I was wearing anything … my skin just looked flawless. This foundation doesn’t set down so you will need to use a powder, but even with that my face still looked like skin not makeup. The color I have is 4.5 Medium (Golden yellow for light to medium skin with warm undertones) and it is spot on the perfect foundation color for me. For being a full coverage foundation my face feels amazing. I normally shy away from full coverage foundations because I hate the way my skin feels in them… like I’m wearing a face mask… with Magic Foundation my skin just feels like skin, it feels like it can breath. The skin feels flexible. I tested my face after setting it with powder to see if there would be any transfer and there was none. How I test this is I take a tissue and separate it so that it’s only 1 ply and I press the tissue into the side of my nose, my forehead, and my chin. If product comes off onto the tissue then I know that there is transfer with that foundation. There was no color, no grease, no product on the tissue when I tested it…. I am in love with this foundation…. I have only used it once and I can already tell it will be that foundation that I reach for all the time. If there was a grade higher than A+++ I would totally be giving it to this foundation! Definitely will be repurchasing this one.

Airbrush Flawless Finish Skin Perfecting Micro Powder C-                                                         I would have given this a high grade if there were more shades in the range. There are only 3 shades and none of them are for women of color. I also am not sure how I feel about this product yet… I’m in the color 2 medium (Sheer medium beige). We all know I am a ride or die lover of the Laura Mercier Loose Setting Powder and that one not only has more product (1 ounce verses .28 ounces of the Charlotte Tilbury one) , it’s also $6 cheaper. I paid $45 for this product and I couldn’t find anything all that special about it. It does melt into the skin but so does the Laura Mercier powder. It’s finely milled and silky, but again so is the Laura Mercier powder, however with that said where I did see the big difference was when I used it to set my under eye (which I totally didn’t have to do I was just doing it to test the product). With the Laura Mercier powder it leaves my under eye a bit chalky…. the Airbrush Flawless Finish Powder left my under eye looking flawless…. now with that said I don’t fell as if the price tag is worth the outcome.  I’ll use it more and see if there is anything special about it, but I don’t see me repurchasing this compact.

Instant Look in a Palette A+++!!!                                                                                                        I was having a hard time pulling the trigger on this product. The price for this product is $75 and you get 0.07 ounces of eye shadow and 0.21 ounces of face product. I thought it was a deep price to pay for a limited edition item. But after using this product I changed my tune. Now I thought this was a neutral brown palette, in fact it is a plum based palette. You get 3 eye shadows, 2 blushes, a highlighter, and a bronzer in this palette. I was in a rush today so I skipped a few steps in my makeup routine, like eye liner, drop shadow, and super blown out crease colors…. but even with that this palettes eye shadows are amazing… They have other eye shadow palettes that have 4 colors for $53 and I thought no way will I pay that kind of money for just 4 shadows…. but after trying this palette I have already ordered 2 eye palettes… these shadows are so buttery and glide on so beautifully that even when you are pressed for time, like I was today, you can put together a great eye look. The shadows blend so effortlessly that it took me 5 minutes to do my eye look today, The rest of the palette was equally amazing. The Bronze shade is a demi matte that leaves your bronze look glowing. The highlighter is hands down my favorite highlighter of life, and I have only used it one time. It’s so creamy and so beautiful. It glows so nice without emphasizing texture on the face, and the best part there is zero glitter in this highlighter.  The blushes in this palette are so pigmented, they do not skip, they do not pull or pill. This palette was well worth the high price tag.

The Classic Eye Pencil B-                                                                                                                      I didn’t get to use this pencil today since I was running late. I had tested this pencil on the back of my hand…. I paid $22 for .04 ounces of product. I purchased the color Audrey ( a deep brown). Now this pencil glides on smoothly and blends nicely, however it does not set. I was able to draw a line and blend it away to nothing. This pencil would be good for a smokey eye but not to line the eyes unless you set it with a shadow. Since I really smoke out my eye line I chose to give this a B-. But make no mistake, this still is a great eye pencil. It’s creamy and pigmented. It only comes in 2 colors, both are browns. I’ll have to play with this pencil a bit more before I decide if a repurchase is in order or not.

Full Fat Lashes A++                                                                                                                              If you have been reading my blog posts you know my die hard favorite mascara is Loreal Voluminous Carbon Black. I wear it on no makeup day… high fashion look days… just any day of the week. However This Charlotte Tilbury mascara is so damn good!!! It builds beautifully. I paid $29 for .287 ounces of product. You get a natural look to your lashes with this one… there was no transfer, no crunchiness, no lash clumping. I really love this mascara so much. This will definitely be my go to mascara for light makeup and no makeup days. And yes, I have ordered a back up so I don’t run out.

Lip Cheat A+++!!!                                                                                                                                   I have already purchased this product. I paid $22 for .04 ounces of product. This pencil comes in 15 colors, I own 2 and will be purchasing more. They are so creamy and go on smoothly with no skips or pulling. There is no smudging or transfer with this lip pencil. Everyone knows my favorite lip pencil was NYX Suede Matte Lip Pencil… but Lip Cheat is definitely my top favorite. It’s super pigmented… I don’t need to cancel out my lip color to get color payoff with these pencils. I have already stocked up on my 2 favorite colors in this line.

K.I.S.S.I.N.G A+++!!!                                                                                                                                 I can’t say enough about these lipsticks! I paid $34 for .12 ounces. These lipsticks are so creamy and so pigmented. There are 10 shades in the line, of which I own 4. They wear down evenly and remain shiny. There is no feathering with this lip product. These are not long wearing lip products because they do transfer to coffee cups and what have you but that’s OK for me. I really love the colors in this range.

  Hollywood Lips A++                                                                                                                             I changed to this lip product so I could review it for you. I paid $34 for .24 fluid ounces of product. This is the first liquid lipstick I own by Charlotte Tilbury. There are 10 colors in the range. Out of all my liquid lipsticks, this by far is my favorite formula. Again, I didn’t need to cancel out my lips to use this lip product. It went on true to color. It doesn’t feel drying on the lips. It’s not sticky. Upon drying down it does not transfer. It does emphasize my lines but the color and formula is good that I don’t even mind. I will definitely be purchasing more colors.

Final Thoughts…..                                                                                                                                  I was apprehensive in purchasing any products in the line, but after trying them I am full blown in love with this line. There is such great quality and such pigmentation and the the packaging is so well done that I now understand the price tag that comes with her products. Charlotte Tilbury is luxury makeup and it’s finest.  I have tried many luxury brands and normally their products are hit or miss for me. This is not the case with the Charlotte Tilbury line. I am looking forward to purchasing more products in her line.

Well thanks for sticking with me dolls… as always save a spoon for a bit of makeup.

XOXO

        Charlotte Tilbury Product Review Hey doll hey!!! Hope all is well with you today. I have for you a product review on Charlotte Tilbury Cosmetics.

[shannrussell-blog1]

The Sandy Blight Track is a perfect trip for your 4WD as it is not only a great drive but it is filled with history, adventure and beauty for the whole family. Running north-east to the south-west on the edge of the Gibson Desert and crossing the Western Australia -Northern Territory border due west of Alice Springs the 350 km long. The track runs between the Gary Junction Road, that joins Alice Springs to Port Hedland on the WA coast, and the Great Central Road that runs across the centre of Australia and was part of the Gunbarrel Highway.

The first hour, after leaving Kintore in the NT on the Gary Junction Road, the track looks better over your shoulder. That’s not because it’s so terrible that one wants to go home, but because it presents a different historical aspect.

The track was created by Len Beadell in 1960 to give his Gunbarrel Road Construction Party a north-south access road after the Maralinga Tests. Today, it joins Docker River to Kintore; the Great Central Highway in the south to the north on the Gary Junction Road. The Sandy Blight Track was well travelled in those days but has now been overtaken by the airlines and the Stuart Highway.

The story of the naming of the Sandy Blight Junction Track goes that Len contracted the eye disease ‘Sandy Blight’ just short of Kintore. He couldn’t see to navigate so he told his bulldozer driver to head for the distinctive Mt Leisler. The ‘dozer driver took him at his word and the result is the 50 km of dead-straight road. It makes a good story.

Len made frequent use of roadside markers to record distances and note latitude and longitude for those who would nowadays have maps. It makes one think. He was actually putting the maps together- working on an almost blank sheet of paper. The only people who had been out there, apart from the very few local Aboriginal people, were the explorers and the odd pastoralist. A huge, lonely unmapped place.

While you’re looking for the markers, keep a lookout also for a large, white painted rock. It wasn’t placed there by nature. Len and his ‘dozer driver brought it down from up north and dropped it there as a joke on his crew and, later, geologists.

Despite the inevitable corrugations, the road up to here is great with a solid underfoot. Abreast the Davenport Hills, it deteriorates until it would have trouble justifying being called a track. One wash-away after another. This makes driving interesting…

And look out for the local wildlife. Camels are rampant in this area. They’re never alone but commonly roam in herds of a dozen or more. Expensive to hit, too… They usually stick to open country so, having come across several groups that actually forced us to stop, we were looking forward to the dune section.

Another feature on this section is the wrecked bus. This is almost the only wreck on this road unlike the Great Central Highway, where it is said there is a burnt out car for every kilometer. That says something for the solitude of the Track. What the bus was doing and how it got there, no-one has been able to tell me.

The sand dunes start soon after this. 50 km of driving down the slacks between the dunes until the track goes over a low bit of a dune or around the end. Then back the other way. How Len found his way through the dunes is a testament to his tenacity as well as his ability. The map says the average height of the dunes is 12m. Too high for short cuts. Did I say we were looking forward to the sand dunes? That thought didn’t last long.

At last, we were through the worst of the dunes and, as the sun was sinking, we found a spot to make camp in a small grove of desert oaks. Tent up, fire started, dinner prepared and with a drink in hand looking at a fiery sunset. It doesn’t get much better. Mind you, the thought of rain from those clouds and being stranded hereabouts had us checking the whisky supplies.

Next morning had us up with the larks looking forward to bacon and eggs cooked over a camp fire. Thinking of larks, we remarked at this point on the lack of wildlife. Plenty of camels and the odd emu but little else. The recent rain had brought green to the desert, as can be seen from some of the photos, but very little wildlife. This was September 2009 and the drought was breaking. We were prepared for moderately warm weather but wore shorts on one day only. Otherwise long trousers and long sleeves. Maybe the fauna knew it was just a little early.

Packed up and ready to go at 0800hrs. A quick check of the vehicle and … flat tyre! Found we had been staked the previous day and we knew exactly where. Rounding the end of one of the sand dunes we had skidded off a very wet track straight into the scrub. We didn’t notice anything at the time but an inch off the broken branch was still there and looking at us. Out with the tubeless tyre repair kit and half an hour later we were on our way. As a matter of interest, that tyre is still going strong with its plug still in place. It’s no longer a ‘bush’ tyre but it’s still on my vehicle, left rear, complete with plug.

First stop this day was on top of the Sir Frederick Range in WA, after a 1st gear, low range climb. 2200 ft and no trees to hide the fantastic view. We had to have a brew and add our names to the book in the tin in the cairn.

This range is quite curious. It rises smoothly but steeply from the plain. I have not asked my vehicle to climb any track as steep. It is made up of what looks like river stones with relatively little dirt binding the stones together. The stones are about the size of a football- not large; nothing a man could not easily lift. But they were all rounded like stones, washed by water over centuries. One might think that wind and sand might have worn the stones down over the aeons, but I doubt the wearing would have been so even. If anyone has an answer to this, I would love to hear about it.

Down onto the plain again and back into the sand dunes. Not so fearsome this time, only 10 m average height we were running with them. Len described his frustration when surveying this section when trying to find his way around Lake Hopkins. On a map, the lake looks like a mass of mercury blobs but with tributaries and joining necks of land everywhere. I would not like to attempt this trip without a map, GPS and a track to follow. Again, hats off to Len Beadell.

Then, at last, one emerges from the gradually decreasing sand dunes and low trees onto the plain. The track up till now has been wheel ruts through the sand. Now there is a junction, with another road, going east to the Aboriginal settlement of Tjukurla. The road is suddenly wider and more compacted, and we can pick up speed. We’re running down the slack in between the sand dunes that are wider apart here. The road has also changed direction, from tending southerly and across the dunes to easterly and running with them.

Off to the right we’re now looking at the craggy, shattered rocks of the Walter James Range, quite different to the Sir Frederick Range. This range rises abruptly from the plain and is made of great slabs of shattered volcanic rock. The road goes round the eastern end of the range and heads more southerly as we go.

Finally, we reach the gap between the Anne Range and the Bloods Range and look for the Malagura Waterhole of Lasseter’s Reef fame, as well as the explorer Ernest Giles’ lifesaver. This is a beautiful spot in a very tough country. Unfortunately the day was overcast and chilly. I wish we’d seen it in sunlight. For the first time on this trip, we saw birdlife around this spot. Although we had seen plenty of evidence of running or flood water further up the track, this was the first water we had actually seen.

From here it’s a hop, skip, etc (15 km) to the Great Central Highway; another dirt road. The Malagura Waterhole is a beautiful end to the track. However, reality sticks its rude nose into the day’s proceedings. We were unable to top up with fuel at Kintore and, although we had enough to reach Alice Springs, my principal is to keep the tanks safely full if reasonably possible. Besides we wanted to see Giles weather station and Len’s old grader that made the road we’d just driven down. So into Warburton for fuel and then next door to Giles. This remote weather post is, to my thinking, the real end of the track. After all, Len set out from here and it was his rear support base to which he returned for fuel, water and supplies while building the Sandy Blight Track.

The Sandy Blight Track is a trip I would recommend. Not too difficult, but 4 wheel drive only. I know that people tow trailers on the track, but the way parts of it are deteriorating that wont be for long. Visually, it is full of contrast: the flat open plain to the interminable sand dunes to the gentle rounded heights of the Sir Frederick Range; the jagged Walter James Range; the dry open plain to the relief of the Malagura Rockhole.

And the history of the area. Before starting out I knew a little of the story of Ernest Giles’ expeditions through the area and the tragedy surrounding the naming of the Gibson Desert. I had travelled some of Len Beadell’s roads and everyone knows something of the legend of Lasseter’s gold reef. Since then I have read Len Beadell’s story of the construction of the Sandy Blight Track, Beating about the bush. It is so full of information I had missed that I am determined to travel that road again.

Two words on safety. We were a single vehicle expedition. On the 350 km length of the Sandy Blight Track we saw no one else. Perhaps a dangerous situation, but we had vehicle based UHF radio and a hand-held unit in case one of us had to leave the vehicle. This happened once and the hand-held was useful. It told me when to put the billy on because my companion was almost back from a walk and needed a cup of tea. Seriously, he wanted to climb Haast’s Bluff and, as I was unable to, the UHF radios were invaluable for safety. We also had a satellite phone, and I am coming to regard these as essential equipment for outback travel. EPIRB’s are also a life saver but simply say “trouble”. Sat phones can tell people what the trouble, is which can be a life saver in itself.

The second word. The explorer William Henry Tietkens wrote in his journal, after he climbed Mt Liesler in 1889, “…this desolate and waterless region…”. The explorer Ernst Giles named the Gibson Desert after a member of his 1873-4 expedition, Alfred Gibson, who was lost in the desert without water and not seen again (even by local Aboriginal people). In 1960, Len Beadell commented in his book that he was probably the second white man to climb Mt Liesler. Today the region is still “desolate and waterless”. It is not to be entered without caution.

Happy exploring.

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