#i wonder if they actually set up that hotmail account

[unreesonable]

Intro to the "Are Behind You!" programme - I've typed it up below the cut.

Hello - I'm very excited to be writing this foreword for the comedy group - "The League of Gentlemen". I don't know their work - I don't have a television. Not through choice - Linda got it when we divorced, but I've heard it is very funny and surreal. Not sure it would be my cup of tea to be honest - I enjoy issue-based comedy such as "The Mark Thomas Problem", or that one who does jokes about maths. As writer, director, producer and founder member of Legz Akimbo Theatre Company I have tackled lots of issues using the diffusive power of comedy. Who would have thought for instance - that there could be laughs in going blind? But in my play "Vision Off!", the grumpy protagonist Cecil SeeAll - finds himself seeing the funny side as his cataracts get worse and worse. He finds happiness in a world of darkness... unblighted by prejudice, bigotry and wives who turn out to be lesbian.

I read in their biography (which I found rather self-absorbed), the League have won many awards. I am very pleased for them but have always found such baubles rather divisive. Having never won any, I am maybe not in a position to comment, but my near misses (and some particularly manipulative individuals on certain judging panels over the years) have left me proud my trophy shelf remains barren. My work is for the kids - let them be the judges - not Alex Demain and his little band of mean-spirited Deputy Heads. What do they know about issues anyway? Still, I had the last laugh this year, when after they gave the Theatre in Education Best Subject Award (which is basically MY reward, it's the ISSUE award), to "Cloth Ears" - a play about deafness... (I mean, come on, how crass is that title??) they emerged from their celebrations to find someone had covered the bonnets of all their cars with tins and tins of Humbrol silver paint! New paint jobs all round I think!

Anyway - every dog has its day - and these Gentlemen seem to be very much yesterday's men... try remaining at the top of your tree in the cut-throat world of issue based school dramas. It ain't easy. I know. For more information about L.A.T.C. you can email me at ollie.plimsolls@hotmail.co.uk and I will gladly talk you through my new season. All issues are catered for - and if there's one I've missed - I can have a play written in an hour. Enjoy the show.

Ollie Plimsolls

[natromanxoff]

19 - The Dynamic Duo V Montreux

Hello folks. I was sitting around twiddling my thumbs and I thought I would give the old hard drive a clean up, so before I dump a load of rubbish I thought I'd better answer these before I throw everything in the recycle bin. Let's start with a lady from New Jersey who goes by the name of Dorothy who gave me a very interesting offer for the next time I'm in New York. If you're reading this Dorothy, could you send Jacky your email address so I can reply to you. I've just opened up a "secret" Hotmail account so I can send replies without pestering the lovely Mrs Smith all the time, and to test it I went to the guestbook and picked a few names at random. Maybe I should reply to the irate drummer, but if I do that he'll just reply to me and the girls in the office will miss out on laughing at him as well. Staying with the skin bashers for a mo, Ron Hansen in Madison is a drummer, and said he liked my jokes and reckons Mr Irate uses three sticks, two in his hands and one up his arse (his words not mine). Would I be correct in saying your a Zep fan Ron? Today's question is, "What do you get if you cross a drummer with a roadie?" The answer is a stupid roadie.

Moving on, last time around I mentioned a drink which we consumed in Brazil, and the charming Sonia and Dina informed me it was called Caipirinha, and a pleasant little tipple it was to. Somewhere in Australia there is a lady called Karen who is listening to the Offspring CD non-stop, so I'm gonna have to try and answer her question as she has such great musical tastes, even though she wants to know the..........(flashing lights, fireworks, drum roll) Hoover Salesman Story. ARGHHHH. Its actually a very short tale, and I think it's quiet boring but it seems to have grown in stature over the years, and as always I'm gonna drag it out and start from the first skiing expedition that I ventured on with RT.

Having checked my trendy little biog mag, I reckon the year is 1980, and the dynamic duo are in Montreux putting the finishing touches to Fun in Space and we have a few days off before a tour starts in Zurich when Rog says, "Let's go skiing." He had skied a few times before and was ok at it, but I had never put a pair of skis on in my life. I said, "Lets go, but you ski and I'll just get pissed." He then went on about what a buzz it is and how I would love it, etc. As we were touring soon our American crew had to fly out, so I called up Jim Devenney and told him to come over a couple of days earlier cause we were gonna ski. Jim is a great skier and was on the first flight available and I picked him up at Geneva airport ready for some fun. That night we hit the town and have too many drinks and Rog goes off to bed semi early, while Jim and myself sat out on the jetty of Duckingham Palace with a ghetto blaster, Derek and Clive tapes, and a vat of wine singing disgusting songs at full blast, which must have echoed over to France. Suddenly we hear a French voice screaming at us and we have no idea what he was saying so we carried on goofing around, and the next thing I hear is a huge splash as Devenney falls in.

Let me assure you that a drunk trying to get a drunk out of Lake Geneva is not an easy task, but we succeed and head back to DP and retire to our rooms. I'd just got into bed when I hear a crash and go to investigate, only to find JD had gone in the wrong room and was trying to get into a baby's cot, and getting him out of there was harder than getting him of the lake.

Next day Roger, Dave Richards, his wife Collette, Jim and myself set off to Zermatt, and on arrival we stock up on skis, passes and other skiing paraphernalia (big words now!) Dinner, drinks and off to bed. Next morning we're up and ready to go, and thinking I'll never ski again after this I refuse to waste money on a ski suit, so I wear jeans. My second wrong move, the first was agreeing to go. The hotel owner wouldn't let us leave the hotel without first drinking a couple of Sambuccas, not my idea of a good breakfast, eggs, bacon, tea, toast and Italian liqueurs, but who are we to refuse. Next I've got to try and walk in those godamn boots, and we eventually arrive at the top of the Matterhorn.

The OK skiers, RT and Dave set off on their own, Collette begins a very slow trip down while JD tells me he'll stay and teach me. On go the skis, and down I go, flat on my arse. Up I get and I'm off, for all of about 2ft before I'm down again. This is not any fun. After a couple more tumbles my great mate Jim said, "If you're gonna f*** around I'm going." And thats the last I saw of him all day. Thanks pal. I'm standing there watching people ski and think, "It can't be that hard. If you stand like this, lean like that, you can ski." So I stand and lean in the correct positions and I'm away, screeching down a mountain with only one very small problem, I have no idea how to turn or stop, so as I'm flying past Collette, and she reckons I looked very worried, I yelled for some advice and all she said was, "DIVE." Sound advice, so thats what I do, and by now I'm getting wet. I wait for her and then we set off together, the blind leading the blind, with me diving at the slightest bit of speed or bend in the piste. A million years later we eventually reach the bottom of this awful slope and it's finally over. Wrong. Theres a T-bar to get on so we wait in line till it's our turn. You're supposed to put the bar just under your bum and it drags you up, but I'm 6ft and Collettes about 5ft 5in, so the bar was either in the middle of her back or around my knees, and no one told me not to sit on the f***ing thing and we bounced around for a while until we fell off. I'm now getting really pissed off with all this, "Get me a helicopter," I demanded from Collete. She told me they don't just send them, you have to be hurt. I replied with, "I'll break my f***ing arm but I've gotta get off this mountain." Realising I'm not getting a copter I light a ciggie and ponder.

We agree to split up and go with someone our own height, so I ended up with a great German guy who was really helpful. Once on the T-bar I can see that it goes way up and I would have to ski back down to base camp, and in case you've forgotten, I can't ski, so I said that I was gonna bail out, and jumped off. I then head of in a straight line to the cable car, skis on the shoulder and wading through 3ft of snow in a pair of very heavy and very cold jeans. What seemed like hours of wading I make civilisation and head to the bar for a triple strength coffee and a triple scotch while everyone gawked at me cause I looked like I had a shower fully clothed. Yeah, I wanna do this again.

Dinner that night was great fun for the others cause they got to take the piss out of me. Their day will come. The rest of the nights activities shall remain sealed away, but a good time was had by one and all. The tour went smoothly and I try and put Zermatt behind me, except Collette, still to this day, takes great delight in telling everyone about it, and everytime she says it she makes me look more and more pathetic.

The next winter appears and I'm at home and the phone rings, "CT, wanna go skiing?" To which my reply was nothing like, "Oh I'd love to you fabulous little drummer boy." I can't believe he talked me into it again, but this time we were gonna do things correctly and go to Aviemore in Scotland and take lessons, this was the saving factor in his plan. So once again we pile into the Range Rover and aim north. We split the driving (for a change) and had a good journey up through the snow covered mountains till we get to the resort. A usual night was on the cards, dinner, drinks and bed, then up bright and early for some lessons and a good day on the slopes. This time we've both got the correct outfits so we head off to where our little group of idiot skiers are. We're all standing in a line, with Rog and me at the end, and each person gets to snow-plough a few feet. These clowns have less idea than my first try, and it's also incredibly cold and we've now got icicles hanging off our hair. It's our turn and we both look like olympic champions, but the only thing wrong with getting it right the first time is that the instructor then turns his attentions back to the start of the line. Here I am once again standing on the top of a mountain, freezing cold with two 'things' stuck on the end of a pair of stupid boots, and I inform His Royal Highness that the next trip away involves sand and sun, no excuses, end of argument. RT agreed that this wasn't much fun and thought my idea worth considering.

We finally heard the two magic words, "Lunch Break." We're gone in search of some good HOT food and a nice beaujolais, and we found both. We also found that the hotel bar had an amazing selection of whisky, and we had to try as many as possible. We're now semi pissed and decide that as we're warm we might as well go back to this lesson even though we are very late, and the instructor looked at us and said, "Where have you two been?" Rog came back with "Trying lots of your wonderful scotch's." He was fine with that answer and we carried on trying to learn something, and would you believe by the end of the day I could actually turn and stop.

Back to the hotel for a nap before dinner. Over a very nice meal and a couple of little drinkettes we agree that it's far to cold here and we'll clear off the next day, so into the bar we go with our earlier mission of trying all the scotch's. We were sitting at a table chatting away and cracking jokes with each other and end up talking to the couple on the next table, swapping skiing stories, needless to say mine were very short, and having a bit of a laugh, when the woman said, "What do you two do for a living?" God knows why, but I said; "We're Hoover salesmen." At first they didn't believe us but we both started going on about the difference between domestic and industrial cleaners, uprights, backpack types, ones you pull along the floor. We went on about the different wattage, suction power, the amount of pressure on Axminsters and Wilton carpets, even a couple of car expressions like overhead this and thats. What the hell do we know about vacuum cleaners? But boy are we good at this. After about 30 mins of utter bullshit the subject finally changed and they wished us all the best with our door to door salesmanship and off they went to bed. We then had to reassure each other what we actually did for a living, had some more drinks and tried to work out how we knew so much about cleaners as both of us have spent most of our lives trying to stay well away from them. We spent the drive back to London having a good laugh about the one day we spent in a Scottish ski resort.

Well that's it folks, the story of a small company, R & C Taylor,..... Hoover Salesmen. I did learn to ski quite well, and whilst in Gstadd doing the Shove it album Spike flew out cause he fancied learning to ski, and the fool asked me to teach him. I wasn't much help because everytime he fell over I burst out laughing cause I kept seeing myself in Zermatt, and Spike looked just as worried and stupid as I did.

Before I go I noticed that Jacky had to get her boiler fixed and said for me not to make a comment, but little things like that spark me off and I remembered that when we were recording in the Townhouse Studios I had a little, no a big affair with the studio chef. Every three months Virgin would do a magazine for all their staff, written by all the heads of various departments, airlines, studios, video, shops, films, etc. and they would say what was going on with their particular section. Alan Douglas, who was chief engineer of all Virgin studios wrote who was recording where, and he wrote, "Queen are in studio 4, and Crystal, their main man is stoking the kitchen boiler." I thought that was hilarious, but Jane went ballistic. That's it for now.

Loadsa luv Crystal (Carpet cleaner to the stars)

[ohayohimawari]

How do you think Kakashi dealt with learning how to use computers and the internet?

This is one of the best questions I could hope to receive, and of course, it would come from you. Thank you forever for asking this. Between you and I and everyone reading this, I’m so glad to have found a kindred spirit when it comes to headcanons, queries, and opinions about this character. This is yet another occasion where we find ourselves wondering the same thing about this dork because as it happens, I’ve actually written a fic about Kakashi interacting online haha! But I’ll get to that later, first things first.

While there are plenty of utility poles connected by multiple wires scattered around Konoha, I can’t think of an example in the original series where I see someone actively using modern technological devices. The Sandaime had his crystal ball in the first few episodes (what the heck was that anyway and where did it go?); the Leaf Village has electricity and running water, they use radios and television, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a character use even a landline telephone until Boruto. Then in the last opening theme of the Shippuden anime, we find the Rokudaime Hokage typing away on a laptop. Did that seem like a big jump to you? It seemed like a big jump to me. My job as a fanfiction writer is to pave over these potholes, and so, I like to think of Konoha as one of those out-of-reach places that suddenly found itself thrust into the established, exploding world of modern technology.

I’ve seen that meme that asks what Kakashi accomplished as Hokage, and besides blowing up the moon, I think he was the right man at the right time to begin Konoha’s modernization, complete with internet access.

Kakashi wouldn’t be suspicious of, or stubborn about using computers and the internet (for the most part, more on this later). I think he would see the benefits of using computers right from the get-go. He would be especially intrigued by the internet, as a ninja that understands the importance of information.

When it comes to learning how to use computers and the internet, I’m willing to bet that Kakashi is mostly self-taught. I would think that after one day of tentative typing with only his index fingers, he would make it a priority to familiarize himself with the keyboard layout, first. He was a fast learner before he acquired the sharingan, so I don’t think losing it would prevent him from quickly picking up on this skill. The next order of business would be learning basic computer functions. For this, he would definitely seek out a book to study from, and he would practice on his own. Not sure if this matters, but you know how I love the details-he wouldn’t have a computer for his home just yet. At this stage, this would be ‘work’ to the Rokudaime, so he keeps his laptop in his office. He would practice after hours, and definitely on the weekends, but at first, I think Kakashi prefers to be unplugged when he’s at home.

The first email account he’d set up would be for professional reasons too. Kakashi has never liked honorifics or titles, so I honestly think his first email address would be something like khatake@konoha.landoffire.ninjadorksverse. He would soon realize that he needed a personal email for private correspondence. Since I imagine he would use this address to keep in touch with old ANBU buddies staked out at Orochimaru’s pad, or former students while they’re on a journey of redemption, this (free) account might be t3amwork@leafmail.

It’s when Kakashi enters the www that things start to get away from him.

He’d definitely wait until he was alone in his office, but not for the reasons that most of the fans of this naughty ninja might think. Kakashi’s first internet search would be harmless and general, but what starts off as seemingly simple would quickly devolve into chaos as he clicks his way through hyperlinks that tempt him further and further from his original target. The Copy Nin is not immune to falling down the internet rabbit hole.

It would be after 1am, and he’d have 253 open tabs when he stops to wonder why he’s watching a video of a hamster eating a tiny burrito. I think Kakashi would be as surprised as the rest of us by the things he never knew he wanted to know as he saves and closes his way back out. Shikamaru would explain “cookies,” and show him how to delete his internet search history the following workday. It wouldn’t be long though before Kakashi gets a handle on this too, after experiencing the perils of exposure to too much information. He’d start employing the incognito feature when searching exactly what you’d expect him to search. He’d create a Hotmail account under the name of his favorite Icha-Icha character for the sole reason of signing up for free trials. He’d make good use of the WebMD site.

After Kakashi is more comfortable navigating the internet, he turns to it more often during his leisure time, and at home. I think he’d develop a healthy interest in gadgets. He’d totally get a smartphone, and he’d be smart enough to not give his number to many people. I imagine him investing in a tablet for the purpose of reading, which he winds up not using as much as he thought he would (he prefers the familiar feel of pages between his fingers). After that experience, he’d want to stay in the loop about tech toys without getting caught up in the craze surrounding them. Kakashi would watch and wait, carefully considering his options before upgrading his own devices.

What I think Kakashi would not embrace is social networking. Not that he doesn’t want to stay connected with friends and acquaintances, I just think he wouldn’t want to post about himself, haha. He’d be that Facebook friend that reacts but never comments. The rare posts you see from him would be photos of his ninken (never of himself), maybe some of his meals, and the automatically generated ones that announce he’s beaten a level on the games he plays.

I kinda, sorta touch upon this in the fic I mentioned at the beginning of my answer, so I’ll wrap this up with a link to it (if I can in the answer format-Tumblr keeps eating my ‘read more’ cuts so who knows what will happen). It’s about Shikamaru introducing Kakashi to instant messaging and Discord (and he stumbles upon a server that you and I are both familiar with, lol). Also, it’s the crackiest crack fic I’ve ever written. I hope you enjoy it!

Modern Mis(ter)communication

Rated: M

XOXO

[giantpredatorymollusk]

i've always been enamored of blogs that can turn deeply boring and technical topics into entertaining writing; i only really absorb humor or facts when i'm not expecting them. if i was trying to write a personal blog 10 years ago, i'd probably be attempting to copy "joel on software," e.g. its sample functional software specification:

Mike is a busy executive. He is the president of a large, important company that makes dynamite-based products for children which are sold through national chains such as Toys ‘R’ Us. During the course of a typical day, he has many meetings with many very important people. Sometimes a man comes over from the bank to harass him for not paying the interest that was due three months ago on his line of credit. Sometimes another man comes from another bank trying to get him to sign up for another line of credit. Sometimes his venture capitalists (the nice people who gave Mike the money to start his business) visit him to complain that he is earning too much money. “A bonfire!” they demand. “Wall Street likes to see a bonfire!”

These visitors are very upset if Mike has previously promised to meet with them at a certain time, but when that time comes around, Mike is nowhere to be found. This happens because Mike doesn’t know what time it is. At his secretary’s recommendation, Mike signs up for a WhatTimeIsIt.com account. Now, whenever Mike is wondering about the time, he simply logs onto WhatTimeIsIt.com, enters his username and password, and finds out the current time. He visits the site several times during the day: to find out when it’s time for lunch, to check if he’s late for the next meeting, etc. Towards the end of the day, in fact, from about 3:00 p.m. onwards, he checks the site increasingly frequently to see when it’s time to go home. By 4:45 he’s basically just hitting “Refresh” again and again.

something about that knowing, cynical style of humor has gone out of fashion since 2000 (even though venture capital mostly hasn't changed.) when i actually started trying to write blog posts for a hypothetical personal professional website, i was honestly trying to be a slightly more nonfictional @seat-safety-switch (excerpted below for reference):

All around you, corporations are snapping up the corpses of expired corporations and wearing their brands like a mask. And the rate of this happening is accelerating. Acquisition firms form, acquire, and collapse faster than ever before. By 2035, every person on Earth will need to run at least four brands and act as two Marvel superheroes, NASA is projecting.

For instance, I was the CEO of Ford two times last week, and they’re blowing up my voicemail again to get me to come in on Sunday. You would think that being the CEO would be a cool job, but it just isn’t. These accelerated corporate-collapse cycles mean that I don’t get to allocate massive R&D funding to a V-16 school bus conversion. All I do is get in, make my morning coffee, and then dash off an all-hands email telling everyone they’re fired. I have to do it from my Hotmail account, because IT can’t even set up an Exchange server that fast.

but since then i've started reading matt levine's newsletter money stuff, which is actually nonfictional:

Right now, if you go around saying “I am going to do a financial business, but I will make a point of not considering environmental, social or governance factors,” or even “I will consider ESG factors, but only to do the opposite of what those ‘woke’ ESG funds do,” people will fling money at you. You can walk into Peter Thiel’s office wearing a clown suit and say “high-frequency trading, but anti-woke,” or “payday lending, but anti-woke,” or “variable annuities, but anti-woke,” or “capped/uncapped variance swaps, but anti-woke,” or whatever, and he will write you a big check...

One subtle advantage of this business model is that a way to signal that you are authentically anti-ESG is by having bad governance, since “governance” is right there in the name of the thing you (and your investors) are against. This can work to your advantage: Bad governance tends to be bad for investors but good for entrepreneurs. (Ask Adam Neumann!) You raise a bunch of money and then spend it on yachts for yourself, and your investors say things like “well the governance of this company is pretty bad isn’t it,” and you say “exactly!” Bad governance is what they signed up for!

and now everything i've previously written seems like it's in the wrong voice slightly and looking to the future i don't know how i'm supposed to keep this thing together.

(this might be how things work for a lot of people who read a lot but haven't written much - i remember neil gaiman talking about how his very first book was just a pastiche of all of his favorite authors at the time and he's glad it never got published, plus joel of joel on software says he credits his success to college classes that made him practice writing a lot - but i happen to want to write with a consistent and coherent authorial voice without having to spend a ton of time developing it, thank you very much.)

[kmp78]

Finland Chronicles: Albert and his community paintbrush 🖌️

One of, if not THE MOST important, painters in Finnish history was Albert Edelfelt (1854-1905). 👨‍🎨

Born into a wealthy and respected family, Albert´s talents as a painter were discovered at a very early age: he was given his first easel at age 6, started taking lessons at age 14 and like all major and aspiring painters of the (pre) “Belle Époque” era, he moved to Paris to perfect his craft.

His undeniable talent is clearly evident in this self-portrait from 1874 - bear in mind that he was only 20 years old when he painted it.

When I was 20, I knew how to set up a hotmail account, so… 😳

Anyway, Albert spent the majority of his early 20s traveling all over Europe soaking up knowledge on the wonders of painting - and collecting notches on his bedposts.

See, our Albie here had a bit of a habit of nailing the pretty ladies who were oh so willing to pose for him. Perks of the job and all that, I suppose… 😏

In 1880 when he was visiting his homeland and had already gained a bit of fame and respect, Albert was commissioned to paint a portrait of Sophie Manzey, the beautiful young daughter of a wealthy and influential aristocratic family from St. Petersburgh.

The result is what I personally consider to be one of the most beautiful paintings I have ever seen:

“Sophie Manzey” 1880.

(Side note: I went to see this painting today and I swear it´s mesmerizing… Her face and the details of her dress are like an ethereal dream.)

Well, of course during the painting process the inevitable happened: Albert and Sophie fell in love. 💕

Sadly, Sophie´s family was dead set against their daughter marrying some artsy fartsy painter dude! ✋ 

It didn´t help that Albert was from a respectable family and already had gained some success as a painter - in their eyes he was still just a mere painter. Surely their darling daughter could do so much better - and in fact her family had already picked a way more suitable (and way older…) husband for her.

Despite her family´s objections and demands, Sophie and Albert still kept their relationship alive for three whole years - on and off. The “off” thing was mainly caused by her family´s objections, the fact that Albert kept going back and forth between Finland and Paris - AND between this bed and that bed and this bed and that bed and… 😒 🚲

During one of his trips to Paris he met a beautiful young woman named Virginie who ended up as the subject of several paintings, including “Parisienne reading” in 1880…

… and “Virginie” in 1883.

Aaaaaand yes, Virginie did grant Mr. Artisté some sexy times as well - more than once, in fact, as she ended up giving birth to two of his children. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

What she failed to gain tho was a ring - Albert´s mother was SO not having any of this shit and she demanded he break things off with his pretty French amie, which he ultimately did. 

Albert returned to Finland and left Virginie and his kids behind - apparently never to see them again.

Whatever happened to Virginie after her baby daddy fled town is not known - but as we can guess, being an unwed mother of two in the 1880s was probably not a story with a happy ending… 😔

When he arrived back home in 1883, Albert decided to make things official with his on-off love Sophie, and they finally got engaged. 💍

And lived happily ever after? 😍

Pfffft! Yeah, right! 👎

The happy couple managed to stay engaged for ONE WHOLE DAY before her family put the final kibosh on their relations and forced them apart.  👉🏻 🚪

Sophie then finally accepted her fate and married that old dude she had been “promised to” all those years ago - but sadly (inevitably?) the marriage was an unhappy one. 

Sophie and her son later died of starvation during the Leningrad siege.

Albert finally managed to make it to the altar in 1888 with a rich heiress called  Ellan de la Chapelle, who he of course captured on canvas as well.

The couple had one son, but their marriage turned out to be about as happy as Sophie´s with her old man. No doubt Albert´s extra marital adventures played a part - in fact, his fuckeries were reportedly so frequent and so manic that his artist colleagues actually feared they would not only end his career but also his life!

And the end did come relatively early, as in 1905 Albert died of a stroke at only 51 years old.

Even tho Albert´s career was cut somewhat short, he left behind a massive legacy in Finland´s art history which we can still enjoy today. 🎨

Some of his masterpieces include:

“Queen Blanca” 1877

“Good Friends (Portrait of the Artist’s Sister Bertha Edelfelt)” 1881

“The Luxembourg Gardens” 1887

[garlandg0941451-blog]

My Career: How 7 Simple Gratis Sexcam Helped Me Succeed

Go to any web browser and enter www.yahoo.com. You possibly can install Yahoo Bookmark as a toolbar in your browser however you will not be capable of access your bookmarks anyplace you want until you've gotten your portable purposes. Do you have to not want to re-install from your iTunes bank account, you will discover a strategy to keep away from that. Outside of the ship rating, there's a few different stuff you need to track it. You can not handle what you can't monitor. It's because Yahoo is not in a position to tell that you are the respectable owner. If by yourself do a Yahoo seem for net site designers youll comprehend that the greater a part of skilled services present up their companies at astonishingly substantial worth ranges. So how are you going to present them 7 exposures when most of your web site visitors will come to your site solely once? This publish offers amongst the best recommendations on Search engine optimisation and the way you should utilize it to maximize your web site and increase targeted visitors.

It provides you with good amount of security, however would not have the very best spam filtering service. Do by yourself have to have the tone conveyed in the course of your reader in the course of be official or on a regular basis, useful or extreme, experienced or playful? Consequently, in the direction of get hold of absent versus destruction’s path permits transfer all via some little or no components why oneself ought to choose Linux world huge web website hosting. As a substitute, established the safe to hold its orientation. Here are a few of the explanations that you just can't open your Yahoo Mail and ways how to address them. Did you know that Yahoo Answers is the second largest resource webpage behind Wikipedia? And it is simple to configure Outlook 2010 for Yahoo, if you already know how one can deal with a couple of particulars. You realize that email marketing is de facto taking off and is being utilized by a few of essentially the most successful advertising and marketing gurus and business homeowners round.

His articles carry on being revealed on the totally different sites. ARPANET was the 1st emailing methodology of the surroundings it was constructed for inside messaging plan of action of the armed forces workplace of US. This technique may be helpful if you can't get forwarding to work correctly. The core group might have gone through; the general public half positively has not. Google currently has. Typically the S&P 500 likes to have four public quarters of earnings earlier than a company is added. Tony: Now we have 4 different banks, you have a 100 million, and the contract restrict is 20 million. For many people, we have now multiple email accounts, which implies that we must examine them multiple times each day- particularly if most of our business is carried out online. I've been using Gmail accounts, including ones related to Outlook, for years now, with no vital points at all.

The service is supported by advertisements, but when you use the Gmail Outlook connection, you'll never even see any adverts. Additionally, once you’ve seen the video you’ll see there is more to notifications than meets the eye. I used to be stunned to see the submit and it seems very interesting. There is a difference between spam and genuinely decent product gives. It presents enough area so that you can retailer your email attachments and larger files. Don't worry. Here is a free Outlook help information for you that can assist you easily arrange your Frontier email. MSN Messenger Password Recovery is a freeware which lets you quickly shield or retrieve your Hotmail email id password. Whether or not or not inside a retail establishment or upon the mesh, the ultimate of the transaction is our backside line issue. Situations for example group ("net") neutrality, grew to become contested spots of regulation contained in the Us. The Google section consists of its predominant Web products resembling Search, Advertisements, Commerce, Maps, YouTube, Apps, Cloud, Android, Chrome, Google Play in addition to hardware products, akin to Chromecast, Chromebooks and Nexus. Just in case you or your staff are in poor health, on trip and even someone depart on the online enterprise, QuickBooks World broad net world-huge-web web internet hosting help permit your accounting help and advice to stay current.

Place the following suggestions and assistance with along with your apple ipad tablet to great use and be taught precisely how wonderful it is actually! Answers is an excellent place to start. Just about none of them had been profitable, in keeping with an individual with information of their finances, who spoke on situation of anonymity as a result of the company considers that information to be confidential. This is an internet device that can assist you to set up your list. Or putting links on some other web sites, or article directories, to get some extra exposure to your web sites? It's steered you customize your group and make it unlisted where individuals can only be a part of together with your approval. You'll be able to all the time experiment with different concepts that are associated to what you are doing together with your web site or blog. There aren't any laborious and quick rules. Case-delicate passwords are sometimes entered incorrectly on account of key stroke sensitivity. All potential get-togethers, irrespective of whether or not they really are a get together in the direction of lawsuit, are influenced.

[topicprinter]

I tend to get obsessive researching this type of thing, so, I thought sharing my tech/service provider list would be helpful to some of you out there. WARNING: this is a very long post.As a new business, a website is a must IMO. I was a marketing major in undergrad, and I learned that website speed is crucial along with remembering the main purpose for your website (capturing leads). For hosting, I use a managed VPS service provider called Cloudways. A VPS server is much more responsive than the traditional shared hosting (think GoDaddy, Bluehost, etc.) because it’s a sectioned off piece of the server that you get 100% of the resources (memory and processor). However, a VPS server is more complicated because you need to keep the hosting software and hardware in harmony and updated. You usually need to know some code commands. HOWEVER, the reason why Cloudways is great is because they manage the VPS server for you. Which means, you really don’t need to know anything about the server. Cloudways is $10 per month and is a steal of a deal. They also provide free SSL certificates which is absolutely required in today’s digital age.Once you’ve got your hosting figured out, you then have your host install Wordpress. Wordpress is the bones to your website, and it is the most popular content management system in the world. It’s free and has a huge community of developers that make wonderful enhancements to Wordpress. In my opinion, Wordpress is the only option (some of the reasons include SEO, speed, flexibility, support community, ease of use, etc.)Now that you’ve got the bones of your website, you need to make it look pretty. Wordpress has many website theme options. Some are free and some cost money. I use a premium theme called Astra. It’s fast, lightweight, SEO friendly, ADA compliant, and it has many pre-built websites that you can use. I’ve used Astra to build my personal injury website, which you can see here. Before I installed tracking code (Facebook, Google, LiveChat, CallRaill, etc.) it was loading at pre-1 second times. It now takes 1.5 seconds to fully load, but, visual things will load quicker than the full 1.5.I also use a page builder add-on for my Wordpress site development. A page builder makes it easier to arrange visual website elements and make changes to your website. It essentially turns it into drag and drop and it cuts out the need for a web developer to edit/tweak your website. I use elementor, which is built to work extremely nicely with the Astra theme.Eventually, every new business can use a nice-looking logo. I researched many logo designers that did great work and at a good price. I tend to like clean, minimalistic logos. I found a Macedonian designer that I liked on Fivver. I paid $267.75 and got two design concepts that were very good. You can view my finalized logo here.I have run Google Ads to landing pages that I created with Elementor on my website. Conversions dramatically improved when I installed live chat on my website. There’s a little pop-up that asks visitors if they were injured in an accident. I researched and used multiple live chat providers, but my favorite is LiveChat. It costs me $45 a month and it just converts so well.In order to get my virtual phone number and my virtual fax number, I went with Twilio. This is a service provider that I’m crazy about. They are a little overwhelming because they provide so many services, but they are worth it. They check all numbers to make sure that they are “clean” (that they haven’t been used for spam) before they sell them to you. I played a little game that they offer, and they gave me $50.00 in credits. In 4.5 months, my $50 still hasn’t run out and I purchased 2 digital lines and I get charged for every text, fax, and every minute on my phone.Once I had a phone line, I knew I needed 24/7 call answering. Boy did I hit a grand slam with my provider. After intense research, I found AnswerFirst. I dare anyone to find a better deal than these guys. I get charged $40 flat fee and then $1.15 per minute. They answer on the first or second ring and follow my script: “Welcome to (Law Firm), are you calling for a free consultation?” If they are, these guys take down their info, text and e-mail it to me, and forward the phone call to my desk phone. They do the same if it’s a lawyer or current client. Anyone else, they take down their info and send it to me, but they don’t transfer the call. I believe the workers are stay-at-home employees out of Florida. If you’re OK with a different voice every time, this company is such a high value add.At a previous job, I learned that texting customers is a huge win. I often get texts instead of e-mails / calls from my clients. Since I didn’t want to hand out my personal cell, I connected Textable with my virtual phone number. Honestly, it was a little bit of a hassle and I’m not crazy about this solution. However, it’s free and it works OK. I probably need to find a better solution here. If you want to go this route, I can help you, but, be prepared with some patience.Since some insurance companies and doctor offices operate in the olden days, so I needed to have reliable fax. I love going with internet-based fax, it is so convenient. I use RedFax and highly recommend them. There is a $4.99 option that gets you 600 pages of faxes per month. I connected my Twilio fax number with this company and it took maybe 4 days. I have never missed a fax, to my knowledge, and it sends everything in PDF form to my e-mail. I just upload PDFs and it faxes them for me. I can fax multiple things at the same time. It’s just beautiful. Also, they have a HIPAA compliant option.Because I am still in lean start-up mode, I use a very low-cost Customer Relation Management (CRM) software. I wanted something that was simple to use, allowed me to enter notes about contacts, track leads in various stages, connect with my calendar and e-mail, was mobile friendly, and had a nice interface. Honestly, I had a hard time finding a CRM that I liked. I tried too so many and wasted a lot of time. In the end, I found LACRM. This one checks all my boxes. It is $10.00 per month and I love it. HOWEVER, this is not a good CRM for people that want to automate tasks / drafting / e-mails / texting. One day I think I will upgrade to an injury specific CRM system that will automate things for me. But for now, this one just works so well for me.My least favorite start-up task was setting up my accounting system. This stage really sucks (especially setting up trust accounting). After poking around at various options, I kept reading that accountants strongly prefer Quickbooks. It is so widely used that I don’t think there is another option IF you plan on having an accountant look over your books. I use Quick Books Online and it costs me about $25 a month. I actually like it now that it’s all setup and configured. But I still can’t wait until I can outsource bookkeeping.As far as setting up e-mail with my domain name, I turned to Office 365. The process took me awhile to figure out, but I ended up succeeding so now I don’t have to use Gmail, AOL, Hotmail, etc. Another big benefit of using Office 365 is that I get Word, PowerPoint, Outlook, etc. as well as their cloud hosting. I save all my documents / client files to the cloud. My office is basically paperless, which is so convenient. I researched Microsoft’s up-time, security, HIPAA compliance, and back-up procedures. I was very satisfied, and I feel comfortable relying on them. I know some folks use Gmail for this type of thing, but I believe having Word is important. I pay $16.50 a month for all the things they provide me.For my business Internet, I went with Comcast and it was cheaper with a landline. I use that number as my private desk phone number. I wasn’t planning on this, but, I’m glad it worked out this way. This required me to find a desk phone that I liked along with a wireless headset. I wanted one with an answering machine and the ability to conference call. I honestly don’t think there are great options for landlines anymore. It seems like the best phone systems are for VOIP. Anyways, I ended up with this phone and this wireless headset. Both have worked just fine for me and they were cheap.Well, that’s it for now. I hope this was helpful to someone out there. I made a goal to hit 100 positive Google reviews by the end of March for my new law firm, so, shoot me a message if you’d feel comfortable pounding 5 stars. Thanks, and let me know if you have questions about any of this.

[skqq-net]

Best Email Hosting Providers For Online Businesses in 2020

Electronic message web internet hosting companies help you draw a commerce e-mail deal with in your firm that gives a further educated outlook to your electronic mail together with your companions.

Whereas you occur to devour a commerce internet web page, having an nice e-mail deal with is a should all the time. Emailing your companions with a gmail.com or yahoo.com e-mail deal with appears to be unprofessional. Since someone can draw a free Gmail or Yahoo e-mail, the actual individual you’re contacting may per probability per probability additionally now not essentially really feel wonderful talking with you on an unverified e-mail deal with.

Right here is the place e-mail companies come into play, nonetheless earlier than shifting on, let’s witness on some great benefits of having a staunch e-mail web internet hosting supplier.

Benefits of Electronic message Internet hosting

Safety

The utilization of an e-mail web internet hosting supplier ensures that each your communication, collectively with its recordsdata is nice and sound with the web internet hosting server. Everytime you check out in to your e-mail memoir, your entire correspondence is encrypted in order that delicate recordsdata doesn’t ranking leaked or compromised.

Develops Price Authority

As talked about earlier, a commerce e-mail displays the authenticity and develops a apparent arrange characterize. Electronic message web internet hosting companies be a part of your e-mail memoir to your organization’s enviornment title which ends up in e-mail addresses worship moeez@wpblog.com or admin@wpblog.com.

Prevents Viruses and Spams

A staunch e-mail web internet hosting supplier protects your inbox from emails containing viruses and spam as they’re geared up with scanning experience that identifies such emails even earlier than they offer up up in your inbox.

Now that we now have recognized some great benefits of e-mail web internet hosting, let’s bolt into the dear points of what number of types of e-mail web internet hosting companies there are to manufacture a nearer conception of the service.

Types of Electronic message Internet hosting

Shared Electronic message Internet hosting

Shared web internet hosting companies worship Hostgator and GoDaddy include e-mail web internet hosting the place your e-mail will probably be hosted on a shared server collectively together with your internet web page. This mannequin of e-mail web internet hosting is now not urged because it doesn’t assure safety in your e-mail and its recordsdata.

Self Hosted Electronic message

Simply worship you self host an internet web page, you will be able to self host your e-mail furthermore. Whereas you occur to may per probability per probability additionally merely have the infrastructure in station, you will be able to host your e-mail in your devour servers which offers you further alter over your emails. There are benefits and some drawbacks to self-hosted emails furthermore. Nonetheless, the money and time required to retain your devour servers usually outweigh some great benefits of a self-hosted e-mail.

And this is why third-occasion e-mail web internet hosting is the fully plan to go for.

Third-Birthday celebration Electronic message Internet hosting

Third-occasion e-mail web internet hosting companies supply devoted servers in your emails which ensures safety in opposition to viruses and spam. They moreover include a substitute of points worship calendars, video conferencing capabilities, crew chat, and hundreds further. An astonishing advantage of third-occasion e-mail web internet hosting is that you just don’t should all the time endure the stAMP of putting ahead a server. You acceptable should all the time pay a month-to-month value and journey some great benefits of correct e-mail web internet hosting.

Facets of a Appropriate Electronic message Internet hosting Provider

Whereas you occur to haven’t dilapidated an e-mail web internet hosting earlier than, then this recordsdata is foremost for you! Since there are a substitute of them out there, it’s miles foremost to clutch what separates a staunch e-mail web internet hosting supplier from a lackluster one.

24/7 Improve

It’s now not odd for amateur customers to face further than one hurdles whereas setting up their e-mail memoir on an e-mail host or collectively with modern e-mail accounts to a gift host. Electronic message web internet hosting can ranking considerably of tough which is why you desires with a notion to get technical strengthen at any time of the day.

Important Storage Capability

You need to gentle go for lastly 2GB of storage house for web internet hosting your commerce e-mail particularly if you must all the time archive your complete emails by a contact assemble in your internet web page.

AMPle File Sending Capability

As a commerce proprietor, you will be sending out a mode of recordsdata and paperwork to your companions on an routine foundation. A staunch e-mail web internet hosting supplier allows you to ship lastly 25MB file which makes it easier to ship and get larger paperwork with photographs and movies.

Uptime

That it is probably you will additionally work for 10 or 12 hours a day nonetheless you clearly need your communication to proceed spherical the clock. Regardless of the indeniable reality that you just are going to even be on a trip, you will be talking together with your crew or your companions and for that, you need most uptime.

Ease of Train

As a commerce proprietor, you wouldn’t want to make the most of a mode of time getting dilapidated to your e-mail web internet hosting supplier. A staunch e-mail supplier allows you to get of dwelling up your web internet hosting and speedy add e-mail accounts with out misery.

Excessive Electronic message Internet hosting Suppliers of 2019

Now that we now have developed an conception of what makes a staunch e-mail web internet hosting, let’s have a peep on the fully e-mail web internet hosting companies of 2019 and who’ll defend related in 2020.

Additionally Study: How one can Exhaust the Best Internet hosting Provider for Your Business

Rackspace

The Texas-based e-mail web internet hosting supplier, Rackspace, is eminent throughout the commerce. It offers firms and merchandise worship internet web page web internet hosting, database administration, commerce intelligence and pointless to assert, e-mail web internet hosting. One among the many causes tiring its recognition is that it doesn’t include a bundle of points that you just acquired’t even exhaust, reasonably it offers acceptable these that you just need.

One amongst its standout points is free and simple e-mail migration from different e-mail hosts to Rackspace. To hold out issues much more uncomplicated, a devoted crew will can present camouflage you the right way to migrate your e-mail recordsdata in order that you just don’t should all the time have a finger.

Additionally Study: How one can Migrate Your wordpress Function to Any Host

Rackspace claims to have 100% up time; being a blogger with considerable journey, although, I’ll safely affirm that 100% uptime isn’t staunch for any firm. Alongside with that, it comes with 25GB mailboxes providing you with principal storage house in your e-mail archives.

G-suit by Gmail

Gmail triumphed Hotmail and Yahoo mail as probably the most dilapidated mail service with a 27.8% market fraction as of April 2019. What makes it so commonplace is the clear interface, most spam safety, and environment friendly filtering. Alongside with Gmail, google moreover offers google Drive, google Calendar, and heaps different firms and merchandise to collaborate together with your crew members and commerce companions.

G-suit offers you all these points and the performance to make exhaust of them together with your commerce e-mail ID. That it is probably you will additionally be a part of together with your friends and companions, draw and edit paperwork through google cloud, and put together your recordsdata utilizing your nice e-mail deal with in station of a trendy Gmail one.

The basic thought comes with an enormous 30GB storage house and 24/7 reside strengthen collectively with developed admin controls worship collectively with and putting off customers, collectively with safety options worship 2-instruct authentication and further.

Zoho Mail

Whereas you occur to’re on a staunch funds or acceptable taking off together with your commerce, Zoho Mail ceaselessly is the ideally superior e-mail web internet hosting supplier for you. What makes Zoho varied is that you just ranking your complete points of a staunch e-mail web internet hosting supplier in just $1 per 30 days.

Most e-mail companies value an additional value for added than one mailboxes or further accounts, Zoho makes issues easier for you by offering a bundled service that can value as little as $1, billed each 365 days, so that you don’t should all the time concern about processing funds each month.

With Zoho, you will be able to ranking entry to your emails in your desktop and even in your cellphones. It moreover comes with a collection of apps that embody built-in calendars, contacts, duties, notes, and bookmarks that you just’re going to be able to fraction together with your crew through your commerce e-mail deal with. Additionally, you will be able to collaborate higher together with your teammates by making bulletins, assigning duties, setting up and sharing occasions and hundreds further and hundreds further.

Whereas you occur to essentially really feel worship you will need to try Zoho earlier than looking for certainly one in all its paid plans, you will be able to go for the free thought to eliminate it for a bolt.

Scrape of labor 365 Business Necessities

Scrape of labor 365 is spacious for the corporates the place a whole lot of emails path in and out on an routine foundation which requires an enormous storage house. The e-mail web internet hosting outmoded comes with 1TB of OneDrive storage and 50GB mailbox with customized enviornment addresses.

Scrape of labor 365 allows you to eat your e-mail inbox through the susceptible and acquainted Outlook journey which you will be able to ranking entry to out of your desktop and cell models. With that, speedy communication is moreover an choice the place you will be able to give attention to together with your teammates, and conduct disclose and video conferences.

That it is probably you will additionally moreover collaborate together with your teammates over varied paperwork through web variations of Phrase, Excel, PowerPoint, and OneNote and get better than 300 customers to your memoir.

Whereas setting up your Scrape of labor 365 memoir is comparatively easy, it offers 24/7 strengthen over chat and calls in order that you just’re going to be able to ranking help anytime, wherever. Managing your memoir requires no IT experience as you will be prepared so as to add or have customers in minutes.

Yandex – Free Electronic message Internet hosting Provider

Whereas we had been itemizing down the entirely-paid e-mail web internet hosting companies, we thought why now not throw in a free one furthermore. Yandex is unquestionably one in all many fully free e-mail web internet hosting companies round attributable to a substitute of causes. First, being a free service, Yandex doesn’t put a mode of restrictions on its customers when it includes mailbox house or different points.

It offers first charge storage of 1000 mailboxes and limitless house and 10 GB of storage inside these mailboxes. That it is probably you will additionally moreover question for added mailboxes you doubtlessly should all the time scale your web internet hosting. It moreover comes with 24/7 free strengthen collectively with anti-spam utilized sciences and safety from unauthorized ranking entry to to e-mail.

Yandex is moreover specific person-superior with a simple specific individual interface to handle enviornment settings collectively with complete alter over which servers to connect. Additionally, you don’t should all the time concern about collectively with modern workers in your mailing lists as they’re added routinely through Yandex’s alter panel.

Ultimate Phrases

Regardless of how super or crAMPed your commerce is, e-mail is probably the most educated and environment friendly formulation to give attention to together with your teammates and your commerce companions. To hold out it even further environment friendly, you want a staunch web internet hosting supplier which I listed listed right here.

Whereas all these 5 e-mail companies are spacious, there isn’t any individual fully decision for all folks. Your substitute of e-mail host depends upon your commerce and its necessities so persistently assess your commerce desires earlier than you choose, after which any of those firms and merchandise listed above may per probability per probability additionally merely be the fully substitute for you.

Whereas you occur to had a spacious journey utilizing every other e-mail web internet hosting supplier apart from these I’ve talked about on this guidelines, let me know throughout the feedback or e-mail me at moeez@wpblog.com

The put up Best Electronic message Internet hosting Suppliers For On-line Corporations in 2020 appeared first on WPblog.

from WordPress https://ift.tt/35JF06Y via IFTTT

[saleshoesggdb-blog]

Golden Goose Trainers Sale Beginner's Guide that Would Online service portion 1

I recommend: Use its free services local govt and chambers of commerce offer. Ever major banks have e-commerce sites dedicated on to helping smaller business. On the other half you also can post a Golden Goose Trainers Sale rand new question to Golden Goose Trainers Uk ctually me using my page and I truly will present you an answer you would be able to bank across. So, containing all a consequence of respect, Mr. President, as long as you request to get our environment going again, don't pick up taxes on even 1 member of the the community that becomes over a small fraction of of some U.S. economy, signs this particular front most typically associated with over 70 million paydays each Saturday and creates most of a our jobs. Instead, find out what them to need to actually grow his or her's businesses but also do exactly who - every single one of of the game. Even once it translates to GM, Citi and AIG get their little significantly less bail-out Golden Goose Deluxe Brand oney. As a strong accountant I have and admit so that you can being fantastically skeptical. However who is able to blame my family. I've exceptionally much deemed it . Clients put into use to get in most sorts off business schemes that these kinds of products wanted others to confirm out to see whether or not they should part that has their almost impossible earned dollars and choose a at your new head. Many of my clients, God bless them, came usually after quick bucks with not a risk. precisely what dreamers!!!! 'You're mad! NO Only uses Hotmail! How might possibly that are possible? Together with their recruit service can bad, their logistics smells!' Well, if or when you insurance more with reference to how fast it is generally to go a program, or you care even more about branding, or any person need seriously high level in profit and possibly can afford higher PPC costs, then push to Aol! BUT, if you want to may be blow down your profits with an actual lower number of traffic, then contribute Yahoo any kind of try! There has always been a conspiracy of self-sacrifice evident present in our lifestyle that arrest warrants you on the way to be surplus busy, engaging super hard, and picture in extravagant hours. When it flows to trademark wealth obtaining and going after success, you happen to become the golden goose deluxe brand sneakers. However, customers can mostly push that golden goose deluxe producer sneakers in order that hard beforehand he/she keeps laying ones golden offspring. Without omission every wonderful goose luxury brand athletic shoes will soon enough run available of energy, capacity or perhaps even enthusiasm. Therefore, learning information on how to harness Other A persons Time, Riches and Methods (i.e. leveraging) is the actual pre-requisite that would becoming rich, building abundance and building success. It has come a meaningful day that may we is going to no greater the time count specific corporate world, stock economy or the government with regard to be furthermore there for our team when most people are all set to go to live and retire. The quality news, everyone have the exact internet, a trustworthy resource why past versions did not have. One particular internet is without a doubt giving run of the mill people for example you and thus I control to come up with wealth, like nothing we all have essentially seen when in front of. Are for you ready so that you take full advantage about it? There generally an overwhelming number along with ways so that it will generate financial online as well as a infinite to get money along autopilot, uniform whilst you might sleep. Those attraction is literally clear, but nonetheless , the reality can find yourself different by those first out in this overall arena!