#i wonder if there's a core difference between their motives and those of the lord ravagers

[pinkrose05]

THE GANG!

Warning: Mild spoilers for the new Myriad Celestia trailer.

These guys are such a pleasant surprise, oh my god. They're basically a demon lord and his 4 generals, and every one of them has a very neat, very unique design!

(Dubra is my personal favorite, because her description as a scribe and someone who mastered the blade seems at odds with her demure appearance. That, and the ghostly figure looming over her, really makes one think.)

It's also interesting to note that the four Paths Ifrit mentions for each of his children correspond to specific factions involved in Penacony. The Harmony to the Family (Sunday, Robin and co.), the Elation to the Masked Fools (Hanabi), the Preservation to the IPC (Aventurine), and the Remembrance to the Garden of Recollection (Black Swan).

I can't wait to see what they're up to next. Here's to some of them being playable, at least- I'd love to get more info on the Annihilation Gang.

[animeandfilmotaku]

烏は主を選ばない-[A Raven Does not choose its master]: Outside world through Inner lenses (Non-spoiler Free review)

“The world isn't in your books and maps, it's out there.”-J.R.R Tolkien

On the last episode I feel it’s emptiness and yet it’s beauty as we close with Yukiya acknowledging Wakamiya as his master- you may wonder why I chose the subtitle- similar to an episode in the second half of the series, while I praised the first half for its tasty court drama, the second half zooms out to the world of Yamauchi, and it’s conflicts which affect its intriguing characters which made me proclaim the best series I watched to date (well alongside Fullmetal Alchemist, Fruits Basket, Dororo and Mononoke), and since we reached its conclusion, I would love to go to an in-depth review on this hidden gem since I touched it so briefly in my previous review (And yes I get to read the manga so yes, I got a different outlook of that gorgeous series.)

(FYI I am hiding this behind, in case you do not like to get spoiled by the plot points)

The 1st half is painted on the inside world of the Yamauchi-the court; ministers conspiring on court affairs, 4 consorts in their ‘bird-cage’ Sakura palace, fighting with one another to win the Kin’u’s hand. And those close to these noble court feeling the tidal wave of its affections, similar to every court intrigue drama which I thought of The Tale of Genji in my head.

We see two persons that are entwined to the ‘court’ world- Asebi (The Eastern consort); naive and kind- entering a glided world where she unfortunately holding little straws to the cut-throat inner world of Sakura Palace; and Yukiya-a ‘blockhead’ from Taruhi Village- a prominent point in the North prefecture; whom by unusual circumstances is called to serve Nazukihiko (I.E Wakamiya), a true Golden Raven (I.E the Kin’u), which it is emphasised through interactions between the clever Yukiya and the mysterious Wakamiya.

I would say navigating through a complex maze of court intrigue proves to be tantalising to me, because no one expect any moment of each character’s intakes whenever it was the stern Lord Natsuka, the strong-willed nature of Hamayuu or Atsufusa- one of Natsuka’s followers. You are introduced to backthroat court world, at a flip of a coin, he could either be a great ally or a cunning enemy that is willing to stuff a chicken in your robes to pretend you are stabbed by a burly bodyguard (Looking at you Atsufusa), having the two anchors which are Asebi-a kind-hearted consort with no allies holding this line out from Tennesse Williams -'A Streetcar Named Desire' (I will always depend on the kindness of strangers) energy, a moth intrigued by the bright blinding lights.

and Yukiya whose battle with his own conflicts of identity and purpose, both plunged into a world where facades are not what it seems and one must keep its toes up in order to survive.

You may wonder about who shall be his consort, well- it was an unexpected choice. Neverthless that twist of Aesbi on the end of the consort selection contest haunted our minds, which I am still reeling over- a beautiful flower that hid rot within her core (I need to mention that I wish to see the Empress' reaction on knowing Asebi's evil intentions to be animated because when I read the manga, it would be delightful but I see why it is edited out due to pacing purposes)

With the choice of the consort out of our mind, we pave for the second half, which Yukiya went home for a brief moment after a year in service in court. If the 1st half of Raven is about the inner politics; the 2nd half sees a world beyond the confines of Yamauchi- which make the selection ceremony a minor ripple in the pond , as always you are always keep up to your toes with our characters and its motives- expect it is no longer inner conflicts of ladies who desire Wakamiya’s hand with their courtly backstories. Instead we follow a young girl Koume who survived a village massacre and the rumours of a drug that cause its residents to go berserk.

You may think that we, like Yukiya can rest on our laurels on this case- however it went much deeper like the medicine that circulate the veins, this second half is when I fell truly in love with its series- because the real meat is here, a sheltered bubble threatened to burst. It is never what it seen, we explored the seedier areas only briefly explored on the 1st half, where the threat rippled at every crevice, which we hold our suspicions on Koume's truth if she is the carrier of the drug. As always- it is not a simple incident that concidently built up overnight, akin to a full course meal, with intriguing flavours, each moment enchant a truth or hide a lie, and Yukiya despite being jaded from witnessing the court’s cruel acts especially on Asebi, changing from a stubborn boy who desired to protect his small village, to a loyal and steadfast ally to Wakamiya, carrying the burden to protect his folk, his change proves to be gradual which made the last episode which he call himself a 'lowly servant' impactful.

I would say the Wisteria Arrows scenes are my favourite because the choice of music and animation made these scenes haunting, and tangible that someday that bubble could break anytime.

In the end, we no longer see Yukiya as charming “blockhand”, but as a young man with his eyes open upon the world that is beyond, it is a cyclical change for all characters, and in the end, akin to that Tolkien quote; the world is not simply written in books or whispered by scheming court officials but expanded through different lenses, neither good or evil, but layers of grey that one must journey.

If there is a flaw- is that the court intrigue drags a little longer and it may pull people off, which I can guarantee- it is not,it is a pity that it really flew under the radar among the packed anime season (BTW I did not follow much), because the plot and characters proves to be intriguing with unexpected twists and all.

I really hope for a Season 2, with that post-credit scene; I would love to dive to the world of Yamauchi again following Yukiya's devotion to the Prince, in the meantime I am going to try to catch up the manga with the translated scans, as much as I can (I actually finished A Raven of All Seasons Manga which dealt the 1st half of the series, and I tell you, it is soooo good)

[butwhatifidothis]

So if it is MEANT to be a villain route...Why are the villanous actions NEVER ADDRESSED by ANY of the characters outside of "Huh. I wonder if there was a better way to do this."

Why did they have Rhea go insane and torch a city? Why make potray Rhea as a villain when you could potray her as the hero whos genuinely trying to do good? Why have a majority of the characters still be able to be recruited regardless of if it makes sense? Why have the ending narration mostly be possible? WHY have Edelgard succeed and somehow turn her tyranny into a society that "ensures a free and independent society fot all."

If it's REALLY a villain route, why is there not a single character ending mentioning things like rebellions and conflict? Hell, the ending narration shows not a hint of villainy and potrays its ending as heroic.

"Embracing her newfound power, Edelgard could at last set about destroying Fódlan's entrenched system of nobility and rebuild a world free from the tyranny of Crests and status."

Again, if it was TRULY meant to be the villain route, it would have been POTRAYED as such. Instead of a villain route, we got "A route where one of the villains is made the protagonist and her views and villainous actions are never questioned OR addressed and outside of the conquest and starting the war, everyone is mostly happy."

Alright so this is going to seem like a nonserious answer, but I'm 100% serious when posting this image as part of a genuine answer to this question:

On CF, your actions are never addressed because of ignorance. On the surface, your actions seem like they've helped Fodlan, but as soon as the player looks any deeper it starts to become evident that something isn't right.

If Edelgard made a free and independent society for all, why are the people spied on in Hubert's ending with Dorothea? Why are rebellions secretly being put down in his ending with Shamir? That's not free, in a general sense or from specifically tyranny. That's a direct contradiction from two of the characters that can only be played on CF, and this is only found on CF.

Rhea is portrayed as a villain because she is Nabatean, and Edelgard hates Nabateans, and you are playing a route that emphasizes her ideals - which include wiping out all of the inhuman, bestial, vile, cruel Nabateans that have been plaguing humanity’s world. Rhea goes insane on CF because unlike all of the other routes, where the player and the lord never go out of their way to trample and spit on their enemies' trauma, that's what you are doing the entire time you play CF to Rhea - for months once Byleth returns, and that’s being extremely generous and not counting the entire war. You help drive Rhea and the other Nabateans away from their homes when taking over Garreg Mach - like Nemesis did to Rhea after the Red Canyon Massacre! You're helping someone try to kill off the rest of her people - like Nemesis did at Zanado! You're trying to kill Rhea with the Sword of the Creator, her mother's mutilated corpse - like Nemesis did! You're doing so with the descendent of Wilheim - spitting on the legacy of the one human Rhea could trust during the War of Heroes! You're literally recreating the single worst moment of Rhea's life, all so that you can help the one who views her as less than human.

Portraying Rhea as "the hero who's genuinely trying to do good" goes against Edelgard's viewpoint of all Nabateans being evil, and you're never meant to question Edelgard or make her change her beliefs. You as the player are actively discouraged from talking back to Edelgard, as she will noticeably get upset whenever you do - many times you will even lose support points with her, and this is especially bad for specifically Edelgard because you have to get to a certain support level with her to enter her route, with you having less chapters to do so because she won't talk to you until after Byleth achieves the Sword of the Creator in Chapter 4.

Look at how Rhea, Dimitri, and Claude are portrayed on CF. Rhea and Dimitri are demonized, while Claude is given some leeway from Edelgard. Now notice who of the three of them always speak their minds over Edelgard's villainy to her face, and which of the three of them bends to Edelgard's view of them as the bad guy. Dimitri and Rhea never allow themselves to bend to Edelgard - they call her out and call her actions evil. Claude, on the other hand, will remove himself from Fodlan and then afterwards make himself out to be a bad guy whom Edelgard managed to take down. He puffs up her ego, and he gets to live, while the two that don't must die. Edelgard is the one always out for the kill, and only by submitting to her is anyone allowed to live - which, I don’t think needs to be said, isn’t very heroic of her.

I've had my fair share of complaints over the characters that can be recruited over to CF, but even with those complaints... look at how those characters behave on CF. None of them are Felix levels of negative character development, but they all act noticeably worse on CF vs how they are on the other routes. To name some notable examples: Ignatz goes from wanting to paint Garreg Mach as it stood five years before to preserve its beauty to wanting to paint the violent downfall of the Alliance, Lysithea wants to abandon House Ordelia, which is in direct contrast to her core character motivation, Ingrid is willing to throw away her lifelong dream of being a knight of Faerghus, which she herself says is her spitting on her dead betrothed’s dreams, Leonie works with Jeralt’s killers, etc. etc.. And mind, CF is the route that locks out the most units - there's the obvious ones like Dedue and Gilbert who were already route exclusive, but then there's Seteth and Flayn, Catherine, Cyril, and Hilda. CF is the only route to have even non-exclusive units be completely unavailable no matter what.

Edelgard doesn't make a society that is "free," like I said above - having a secret police monitor the people's actions, or is ready to put down anyone who tries to rise up against her, is literally the opposite of free. Edelgard can and will ban plays she doesn't like - not free. Edelgard only allows state-sanctioned religion, if she does allow it - not free.

CF is a route that wants to make the player believe the lie that you're not the villain, because you are playing from the perspective of someone who herself doesn't think she's the villain, but like. Look at what you're doing. You're invading two countries for the express, explicit purpose of taking them over and making them your own. You're working with someone who's been trying to reunite Fodlan back under Adrestia as early as the prologue when she tried to have Dimitri and Claude assassinated. You're helping TWS. Your Imperial presence makes Church people flee - which, given that Edelgard wants Rhea and those involved with the Church dead, I don't blame them. You're working with someone who is starving her people so that she can carry on with her war.

CF lies to the player - Edelgard lies, constantly. She says she's willing to let Rhea live, but literally the scene before she says she seeks to fuckin' Exodia Rhea. She lies about Arianrhod. She lies - or is flat-out wrong, which isn't much better - about the Church hoarding wealth and about the Church splitting up the Empire. She lies about not knowing about TWS pre-ts. She helps spread the lie of Duscur being the ones who killed Lambert. She lied about not knowing where Flayn was when she was kidnapped. She lies to her people by making them believe she’s making the orders during the war, not Byleth. There's a student who doubts all of what Edelgard says right before the timeskip happens and who isn't sure about his decision to stay, and then there’s a man who calls Edelgard “a tricksy one” on the last explore section for lying about attacking the Kingdom capitol. She’s wrong about the history of Nemesis and Seiros, calling Nemesis killing all of Rhea’s family a “simple dispute.” She lies to her people about an entire war against a group who just a little bit ago were her allies. Lies and ignorance are staple points to CF as a route, it’s baked into it, so the idea of the CF going “oh no you totally are the good guys” literally as the city burns down around the players doesn’t come from nowhere.

And like... the ending narration “shows not a hint of villainy?” Um.

Her stepping on the flags of the Alliance and Church? Her recreating a painting of Napoleon - that little known imperialist - down to the hand of justice? Her denouncing gods constantly and then being ushered in by a statue with heavy resemblance to Nike, Goddess of victory? Hubert plotting away from the sight of the rejoicing people? Yeah, there’s a lot of hints to villainy.

Again, CF isn’t “portrayed” as a villain route because it’s you falling for the lies of Edelgard. You have a wool over your eyes. You accept everything Edelgard says as fact, even when she actively contradicts herself - sometimes as radically as in back-to-back scenes. You view yourself as a savior to humanity, even when you plunge it into darkness. You don’t think you’re the villain, so your actions aren’t going to be put in an explicitly villainous light - at least, not by anyone on your side.

This post showcases the difference between non-recruited characters fighting non-CF!Byleth vs CF!Byleth. Characters are mostly saddened by having to fight Byleth in the former, while they are mostly betrayed on CF. Byleth is very clearly seen as being wrong for having sided with Edelgard on CF by the non-recruited characters - Edelgard’s actions may not be directly criticized (save for by Dimitri and a few others), but it makes no sense for these characters to be this shocked and betrayed by Byleth siding with her if her actions were so good. Leonie deadass calls you a traitor to Jeralt, Ingrid says that you are not fit to rule Fodlan specifically for siding with Edelgard and the Empire after all she and they have done, and Dimitri questions you as to why you chose Edelgard and her “savage, bloody path,” just to name a few notable examples. You, as the player, are being criticized for siding with Edelgard. You say that the villainous actions are “NEVER ADDRESSED by ANY of the characters,” but what else are these reactions but characters addressing your villainous actions?

And like... “a route where one of the villains is the protagonist” bro that’s a villain route. Like. I’m not trying to be mean, but I am genuinely confused as to what you were trying to get at here.

Like. In a vacuum? I might can get the idea of CF not being a villain route a little better, were it the only route available (though even that is a very big stretch). But you have three whole other routes where there’s no conquest, there’s no working with TWS, there’s no using Demonic Beasts, there’s no killing/exiling the remaining (immediately known) Nabateans, there’s no continuous and long-standing lies that never get outed, the lords never stay flat out wrong about the events of the game, non-recruited characters aren’t shooting Byleth up the ass with accusations of being a traitorous lemming who’d follow Edelgard off a cliff... and they achieve peace. Those endings, with Dimitri Claude and “Rhea” (SS ain’t really her route even though it should’ve been but ye), lack the following in any of their endings:

Censorship

Spying on the people

Constantly putting down rebels in secret

State-sanctioned religion

(mind, this last one is in direct contradiction to CF’s ending narration that says that Church is destroyed)

None of this happens on AM, VW, and SS. They all have peaceful endings. They all have Fodlan see the light of dawn, and that is never contradicted in their endings. CF is the only route to have all of these things happen in it - I think that’s enough for it to be considered a villain route lol

[dilucbabe]

filthy

pairing: overhaul x fem!reader rating: m themes: priest kink, dubcon/noncon, emotional manipulation, spit kink, explicit sexual content, degradation, misogyny word count: 1.75k ao3 - request

His gloved fingers glide over your own, a smile adorning his lips. Funny, how such a simple gesture can mean so much to someone like Kai. It’s obviously no secret how uncomfortable he is with people showing their entitlement in thinking they’re allowed to come near his vicinity - to rub their filthy hands over him as if he merely stood on display. But it wasn’t just about the audacity that they showed with their thoughtless actions, far more, it was about the control that they took from him.

Kai is a man of action, a man of God. Someone who shows action and takes fate into his own hand, pulling it if needed. Not someone who lets things happen to him. He isn’t weak like that and he’d rather die than become so pathetic. His mission in life is to shield the weak ones from temptation and sin, to guide them to the right path, even if it means becoming forceful. Some might call him cruel, but truth be told, the perception of others is as important as the non-existent dirt under his fingernails. The only thing that truly matters that he obeyed the Allmighty, the church.

“Father?”, your voice is laced with sleep, eyes not yet open and Kai feels his heart stir at the sight alone. “Hmm, did something happen?” The innocence in the statement alone feels like pure gasoline to the flame that is his desire for you. Funny, how such a simple gesture can drive a man like Kai Chisaki to the brink of madness.

You’d come to the monastery on a rainy night, wet hair clinging to your frightened little face as you begged with utmost sincerity, “Please, father. I have nowhere to go. I- I need your guidance.”

You had practically breathed your plea, hands desperately clawing at your coat, the wet fabric doing nothing to shield you from the cold. If he were a different man, he would have felt his demeanour melt away, but he had remained strong. “Guidance, child?”

You cast your gaze away from him, shame bringing a pretty glow to your cheeks. “I’m a horrible woman. I-“, your bottom lip quivered, looking up at you with such over the top sorrow, it almost seemed comical. Almost. “I have seduced men without meaning to. I really didn’t, you have to believe me! Satan himself must reside within me!”

“First and foremost”, he had remained firm in his stance, albeit a bit more tense, though he couldn’t quite tell why. “There is nothing I have to do, aside from serving our Lord in Heaven. Not aid you, nor believe you.”

A high pitched squeal slipped past your chapped lips, clasping your hand over your mouth as though you had spoken out of turn. “I- Please-!”

“Still, you are in luck that God wouldn’t let me permit to turn my back on a poor sinner, so accepting of their own sins.”

It was, for the lack of a better word for it, thrilling to hear you beg like that, he remembers. It still is. Desperation and fear for condemnation – for punishment – has always been a big motivator for Kai. Instilling fear of what is good and righteous had always seemed like his one true calling, planting a seed of shame and guilt within people’s minds, to infest it and exorcise all evil from their very souls. A most gratifying experience he thanks the Lord every night in prayer.

Yet when it comes to you, he feels something stir inside of him. Maybe it is something akin to excitement, maybe it was hunger, maybe mere curiosity. Whatever it may be, he knows that it can only mean evil. What else could it be? You yourself have admitted upon being corrupted by the Devil, so he is but a man standing in the face of corruption.

Kai feels his pulse quicken, your legs spread open as though you are simply begging for him to be defiled by you. And who knows? Maybe you are. It wouldn’t be the first time, he’d caught your eyes taking his form with heaving bosom and wide eyes. Revolting slut that you are.

“Father?” He can see you trembling and he can feel himself swell with something akin to pride.

A cold smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, tugs at the corners of his lips, his hands now on your thighs, holding them in place. Even through his gloves, he can tell how warm you are to the touch – a temptation, if there ever was one. Though you might look the innocent maiden, he can see for what you truly are and maybe his purpose was to punish you for it, to set you right. Indeed, filling your hole with his seed might even cleanse you from all the filth of your very core.

God is on his side, he’s certain of it. He’d forgive his obedient servant’s sin if it meant saving a soul from the eternal flames of Satan. There simply is no other way.

Your eyes widen, any trace of exhaustion wiped clean from your face. “Please, no… I don’t want to-“

“Hush”, his fingers dig deep into your flesh, the promise of bruises blooming on your skin, making his cock stir. “You know that lying is a sin, don’t you? Let alone to a man of faith.”

Tears threaten to spill down your cheeks at any moment, hands desperately clawing at the covers Kai’s sitting on, trying to cover yourself, to no avail. “P- Please…”

“I didn’t ask you to beg. I asked you a question and I expect an answer.” He’s wedging himself between your legs now, knees pressing them apart, while his hands easily get a hold of your wrists, holding them in place. How come your words express such dread, when your body is so easy – so willing – to get overpowered by him? Even if you don’t quite realize it yourself, your mind is clouded with lies and sin. “Let’s try this again”, he pauses. “You’re aware that lying to a man of faith in considered a sin, yes?”

A slow nod. “Yes, father.”

“And although you should know better, you still actively choose to disobey the word from our Lord, yes?”

“It’s not a lie!” Even though your whole body is violently trembling with pitiful sobs, Kai can’t quite help it, but be in awe of your form. You make such a perfect victim, he’s sure, any artist would compare you to the likes of Mary and Joan d’Arc – suffering for the greater good. Although, of course, he knows you better than to fall prey to your manipulation.

Pressing your balled up fists against his cock, he snarls in pure disdain, “Don’t play coy with me. Do you think I’m blind to your lust? Do you think yourself a victim to the attention of men you so desperately seek out?”

You flinch upon contact, though Kai notes, how you momentarily halt your wails, a faint squeal escaping you. He wonders, is that still part of the act that you’re trying to keep up or if you’re rightfully in stunned at the size of him. He grows harder just thinking about burying himself to the hilt inside your vile cunt. “N- no! Father, I never meant to- to-“

“For me to notice?”, he snaps and by the shock written all across your features he knows that he’s right. “You perverted whore.”

“It was never my intention to seduce you! I’m not lying! I swear, the Lord is my witness, I-“

Thwack. The sting on your cheek is relentless, but it’s a necessary evil. You have to learn how to behave, that there are consequences to your misdeeds, even if he has to beat it into you. “How dare you use the Lord’s name to spout all this nonsense”, it’s no question, but a statement. “I have no patience for whores with silver tongues.”

Kai leans over you, holding your wrists over your head, relishing in the sight of you being completely at his mercy. Your meek hiccups did nothing but spur him on even further, solidifying his decision in cleansing you free. “I’m so- sorry. You were so kind to me and took me under your wing when I needed help and- and I just…”

You squirm under his ever so watchful eyes. “Filthy thing”, his fingers enclose around your jaw, fingers forcing your lips to pucker open and spits. “To think giving you shelter would be enough was foolish of me, but we know better now, don’t we? You’re in need of drastic measures and it is me who has to whip you into shape. But fear not, I will not falter to bring you to the light side. I’ll fuck the virtue into you if I need to.”

It all happens so fast, you can barely keep up. One moment he hikes up the skirt of your frilly, little nightgown, chilly air hitting your exposed skin, the next he’s pumping his leaking cock right in front of your pussy lips. You try with all your strength – which admittedly, isn’t a lot – to get away from him, but he’s a strong man. And you should already know, shouldn’t you? Haven’t you spent night and night again, admiring his physique when he so graciously read the bible for you? Haven’t you fantasized about those very arms holding your naked body against his as he’d plunge into you in rapid speed? He’s right, you muse, you’re nothing but a common slut.

“God forgive me”, he groans and gets to work.

Funny, how such innocent glances can lead to such thorough punishment. Or was it redemption at last? You can’t tell anymore – too lost in the feelings of his palm, striking your thighs, face, tits; his hips clashing into your own with such force, it’s hard not to wince from pain; his stern look casting down at you and promising both salvation and damnation. Filthy thing, you repeat in your head, filthy, filthy, filthy. You should be grateful a man of God deems you worthy of his attention, let alone his cock.

Your insides are burning and your lungs feel like they might give out any minute, too exhausted from all the sobbing and crying, but Kai stays relentless. “Father, please”, you plead.

His response is sinister, but you know, a filthy thing like you deserves it. “Patience is a virtue”, he pants. “But what would you know about virtue?”

And he’s right.

[arctic-comet]

Osblaineweek2021, Day 2: Prose

I love book quotes. Looking at quotes is one of my favorite ways to to inspire myself to write more fic.

Here’s a small collection of book quotes (and recs!) of where I’ve “found” June and Nick.

This post contains spoilers for the following books/series:

- Lover Mine by JR Ward

- The Wrath and The Dawn duology by Renée Ahdieh

- A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas

Lover Mine by J.R. Ward

Summary:

John Matthew has come a long way since he was found living among humans, his vampire nature unknown to himself and to those around him. After he was taken in by the Brotherhood, no one could guess what his true history was- or his true identity. Indeed, the fallen Brother Darius has returned, but with a different face and a very different destiny. As a vicious personal vendetta takes John into the heart of the war, he will need to call up on both who he is now and who he once was in order to face off against evil incarnate. Xhex, a symphath assassin, has long steeled herself against the attraction between her and John Matthew. Having already lost one lover to madness, she will not allow the male of worth to fall prey to the darkness of her twisted life. When fate intervenes, however, the two discover that love, like destiny, is inevitable between soul mates.

It's basically a paranormal love story between two warriors. He's really young (although he's actually a reincarnation of a very old vampire warrior, but he doesn't know that), and she's like 300 years older than him. In this book, she's been raped and abused by a guy who also used to bully him. She escapes, but he saves her life. She's hungry for revenge and wants to die after achieving that goal, but of course eventually changes her mind. In the end he actually serves her rapist to her on a silver platter so that she can kill him (sound like anyone we know?). He literally holds the guy down while she kills him.

They're my ultimate favorite ship in this series, and IMO their relationship eventually develops into one of the strongest ones. This series is a bit of a hit-or-miss for most people, because the language and the writing style are pretty ridiculous in all seriousness. If you decide to read this, I recommend starting the series from the beginning because John and Xhex meet for the first time several books before this one, LOL.

Here are some of the quotes that make me think of Nick and June:

“Besides, the story of the two of them was written in the language of collision; they were ever crashing into each other and ricocheting away—only to find themselves pulled back into another impact.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

“As his ears rang and his heart broke for her, he stayed strong against the gale force she let loose. After all, there was a reason why here and hear were seperated by so little and sounded one like the other. Bearing witness to her, he heard her and was there for her because that was all you could do during a fall apart. But God, it pained him to see how she suffered.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

“...the only thing that had tethered her to the earth had been him and it was strange, but she felt welded to him on some core level now. He had seen her at her absolute worst, at her weakest and most insane, and he hadn't looked away. He hadn't judged and he hadn't been burned. It was as if in the heat of her meltdown they had melted together. This was more than emotion. It was a matter of soul.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

The Wrath and the Dawn duology by Renée Ahdieh

Summary:

One Life to One Dawn. In a land ruled by a murderous boy-king, each dawn brings heartache to a new family. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, is a monster. Each night he takes a new bride only to have a silk cord wrapped around her throat come morning. When sixteen-year-old Shahrzad's dearest friend falls victim to Khalid, Shahrzad vows vengeance and volunteers to be his next bride. Shahrzad is determined not only to stay alive, but to end the caliph's reign of terror once and for all. Night after night, Shahrzad beguiles Khalid, weaving stories that enchant, ensuring her survival, though she knows each dawn could be her last. But something she never expected begins to happen: Khalid is nothing like what she'd imagined him to be. This monster is a boy with a tormented heart. Incredibly, Shahrzad finds herself falling in love. How is this possible? It's an unforgivable betrayal. Still, Shahrzad has come to understand all is not as it seems in this palace of marble and stone. She resolves to uncover whatever secrets lurk and, despite her love, be ready to take Khalid's life as retribution for the many lives he's stolen. Can their love survive this world of stories and secrets?

This is a young adult fantasy romance, and basically, Khalid is a lot like Nick. He’s made mistakes that he needs to own, but at the same time he’s forced to commit atrocities he doesn’t want to do. He hates himself and doesn’t believe himself to be worthy of love, and yet he falls in love with Shazi. He's viewed as the villain of the story by everyone aside from Shazi and a few other characters until almost the end of the 2nd book.

“I love you, a thousand times over. And I will never apologize for it.”

―Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“It’s a fitting punishment for a monster. to want something so much—to hold it in your arms — and know beyond a doubt you will never deserve it.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“When I was a boy, my mother would tell me that one of the best things in life is the knowledge that our story isn't over yet. Our story may have come to a close, but your story is still yet to be told.

Make it a story worthy of you”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“In that moment of perfect balance, she understood. This peace? These worries silenced without effort? It was because they were two parts of a whole. He did not belong to her. And she did not belong to him. It was never about belonging to someone. It was about belonging together.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Rose & the Dagger

“A boy who'd thrived in the shadows.

Now he had to live in the light.

To live . . . fiercely.

To fight for every breath.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Rose & the Dagger

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

Summaries:

Book 1

Feyre's survival rests upon her ability to hunt and kill – the forest where she lives is a cold, bleak place in the long winter months. So when she spots a deer in the forest being pursued by a wolf, she cannot resist fighting it for the flesh. But to do so, she must kill the predator and killing something so precious comes at a price ... Dragged to a magical kingdom for the murder of a faerie, Feyre discovers that her captor, his face obscured by a jewelled mask, is hiding far more than his piercing green eyes would suggest. Feyre's presence at the court is closely guarded, and as she begins to learn why, her feelings for him turn from hostility to passion and the faerie lands become an even more dangerous place. Feyre must fight to break an ancient curse, or she will lose him forever.

Book 2

Feyre survived Amarantha's clutches to return to the Spring Court—but at a steep cost. Though she now has the powers of the High Fae, her heart remains human, and it can't forget the terrible deeds she performed to save Tamlin's people. Nor has Feyre forgotten her bargain with Rhysand, High Lord of the feared Night Court. As Feyre navigates its dark web of politics, passion, and dazzling power, a greater evil looms—and she might be key to stopping it. But only if she can harness her harrowing gifts, heal her fractured soul, and decide how she wishes to shape her future—and the future of a world cleaved in two. With more than a million copies sold of her beloved Throne of Glass series, Sarah J. Maas's masterful storytelling brings this second book in her seductive and action-packed series to new heights.

Fantasy romance with explicit sex scenes, and book 2 is a lot better than book 1. Our main character Feyre falls for a really boring fae guy, but also meets the hottest guy she’s ever known. The first guy of course isn't the real love interest (this is a twist this author loves to do). They all end up as prisoners, and the 2nd guy saves her life when the 1st one is totally useless. He also makes her hate him as he does it because he has to. After getting out, she tries to make her old relationship work, but it doesn’t, and guess who swoops in?

I do see some Nick in Rhysand (in addition to his role in the love triangle). They’re both traumatized and prefer to keep a lot of their feelings to themselves. I also see some of the same selflessness in both of them. Rhysand wants Feyre to choose him because she loves him, but he’s willing to accept that she may not, and doesn’t tell her that they’re pretty much destined to be together (it’s a supernatural thing, and he will suffer a lot if she decides she doesn’t want him).

“Everything I love has always had a tendency to be taken from me.”

―Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“It took me a long while to realize that Rhysand, whether he knew it or not, had effectively kept me from shattering completely.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“Regardless of his motives or his methods, Rhysand was keeping me alive. And had done so even before I set foot Under the Mountain.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“Because," he went on, his eyes locked with mine, "I didn't want you to fight alone. Or die alone."

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“He thinks he'll be remembered as the villain in the story. But I forgot to tell him that the villain is usually the person who locks up the maiden and throws away the key. He was the one who let me out.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

“And I wondered if love was too weak a word for what he felt, what he’d done for me. For what I felt for him.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

“I was his and he was mine, and we were the beginning and middle and end. We were a song that had been sung from the very first ember of light in the world.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

Tell me more about how Po and Shen are narrative foils! Is it because they had different reactions to fame/power, with Po rejecting it once he had it and Shen coveting it?

@cypsiman2: I would definitely like to hear your Po and Shen foil thoughts!

@foxy-knowledgeseeker: Queen, please divulge some thoughts about Po and Shen 👀

I love it when people let me ramble 😭💛

SO. For those who have no idea what a foil is (valid), here is a handy dandy definition:

foil - a literary device designed to illustrate or reveal information, traits, values, or motivations of one character through the comparison and contrast of another character

Essentially, characters are foils when they complement and/or contrast each other. Commonly known Shakespearean foils are Hamlet & Laertes/Hamlet & Fortinbras and Romeo & Mercutio. If you haven’t read either of those plays, no worries! Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are also foils. Foils have similarities (e.g. Hamlet and Laertes have both lost their father and are seeking revenge) but also significant differences (e.g. Hamlet procrastinates while Laertes takes action immediately) that basically help draw attention to the other. Hopefully that gives you an idea of what a foil is if you’d never heard the term before!

But why, you might be wondering, are Po and Shen foils? Well, they complement and contrast each other, obviously, which I will delve into in a moment. The core reason, though, is because they share an inherent connection. Speaking strictly within terms of the second film (since that’s what my paper focuses on), Lord Shen slaughtered all of China’s pandas - including Po’s parents - when Po was a baby; as such, Lord Shen and Po’s stories have been intertwined since the very beginning, technically prior to the film itself. Compare this to the first and third movies: Po has no connection to Tai Lung or Kai (the respective “villains”). That is actually the difference between a foil and an antagonist: Tai Lung and Kai are the “bad guys,” but they aren’t foils to Po because there is no linkage between them. Shen is also a “bad guy,” but the connection he shares with Po in their past (and how that plays out in the present) is what makes them foils.

In my research, I specifically analyzed the application of yin-yang and wuxing philosophies to Po and Shen’s relationship as foils. I will explain why in a moment, but first: what are yin-yang and wuxing?

To keep it simple: yin-yang is a Chinese philosophy where yin and yang are two opposing yet complementary forces that change naturally from one into the other, creating a process of harmonization that ensures balance. Yin is the black swirl, representing qualities that are receptive, passive, and so on. Yang is the white swirl, representing qualities that are prominent, active, and so on.

To continue keeping it simple: wuxing is another Chinese philosophy that loosely translates to mean “five elements,” these elements being wood, fire, water, earth, and metal. The elements have different relationships with one another, either overcoming or generation (e.g. wood generates fire but overcomes earth). One crucial reason I analyzed wuxing alongside yin-yang is because each element is considered predominantly yin or yang, though each element can of course be further divided into yin and yang qualities (e.g. water is a yin element, but a flowing current is yang to still water’s yin).

So now you know the basics of what yin-yang and wuxing are. But why, you may be wondering, did I specifically chose to examine the influence of those two philosophies in particular regarding Po and Shen’s relationship as foils? Pretty simple reasons, actually: the recurring fire/water motifs and yin-yang imagery and thematics in the film. But allow me to get more specific! Let’s start with wuxing, since that’s the order I take in my paper, lmao.

Throughout Kung Fu Panda 2, Shen is consistently associated with fire. Similarly, Po is associated with water. I cite a ton of examples in my paper, but I don’t feel like getting them, so you’re just going to have to believe me, lol. Anyways! In wuxing, fire and water are considered opposite elements, and moreover fire is considered yang while water is considered yin, which develops Po and Shen’s oppositional dynamic as protagonist and antagonist. Not only that, but water overcomes fire in wuxing, which is a direct connection to Po’s eventual defeat of Shen. However, this is only a surface-level glance at the role of wuxing! Going deeper reveals how wuxing is applicable to the core of Po and Shen’s oppositional relationship. Not only does water overcome fire through Po’s defeat of Shen, but Shen loses everything on the water of Gongmen Harbor. His firepower is destroyed and he himself dies, too. Inversely, Po never succumbs to fire, neither as a baby when Shen attacks his village nor later when Shen tries to kill him with his fireworks weapon. Po defeats Shen on the water of Gongmen Harbor.

In sum: the inevitable submission of fire to water as asserted by wuxing is clearly expressed through Po and Shen’s oppositional qualities as foils, namely their dynamic as protagonist and antagonist.

It is also worth noting that Shen’s fire is always yang, i.e. beyond the general association. Shen’s fire is action-based and destructive, namely when he slaughtered the pandas and through his intentions to conquer China with his fireworks weapon. Shen’s yang fire is juxtaposed with Po’s use of yin water to defeat him. To redirect Shen’s fireworks in their penultimate battle, Po visualizes them as a water droplet; in doing so, yin qualities are emphasized: stillness and curvature. Water overcomes fire as yin eases the destructiveness of yang. As a result, the oppositional dynamic of Po and Shen through the fire/water visuals of wuxing comes full circle throughout the film, beginning with Shen destroying Po’s people by yang fire and ending with Po defeating Shen by yin water.

I should also note, however, that while Shen is only associated with yang qualities of fire, Po is associated with both yin and yang aspects of water. There is the yin of the water droplet and of the harbor’s stillness, but there is also the yang of the current that brings him to the soothsayer after he was shot by Shen’s weapon. This association of Po with both yin and yang qualities of water, something Shen never demonstrated with fire, relates to another crucial aspect of Po and Shen’s relationship as foils: inner peace.

As I mentioned earlier, the natural flow of yin and yang ensures balance. I don’t have the quote from Master Shifu on hand lol, but what you need to know is that the concept of inner peace in Kung Fu Panda 2 equates to a harmony of yin and yang (which is already the case in popular culture, anyways). This inner peace aspect of yin-yang philosophy is actually reflected in Po and Shen’s complementary arcs. How? Well, Po and Shen share the same struggle in Kung Fu Panda 2, as both characters have complicated relationships with their past and future. The result is that they both have a dependence on yang, where their first instinct is always to take action. At least initially, they lack the passivity and receptiveness of yin needed for inner peace.

But what do I mean by “complementary arcs”? Well, Shen is obsessed with controlling his future. He took action by killing all the pandas because the soothsayer foretold a warrior of black and white would defeat him. But his obsession with his future is also linked to his inability to let go of the past. Shen still believes his parents wronged him and seeks to right that wrong by taking action to conquer China. Po’s struggle parallels Shen’s. His own dependence on yang is clear in that he seeks answers about his past from everyone except himself for a majority of the film, including asking Shen, his enemy who has no qualms about killing him. Po also actively represses his memories several times about the night his people were killed. Similar to Shen’s need to control the future, Po sought these answers because he believed knowing his past would determine who he was supposed to be.

In sum: Po and Shen’s parallel struggles with the past and future and with yin and yang complement each other, strengthening their relationship as foils. They have too much yang, they need more yin. Decreasing their reliance on yang and embracing the receptiveness of yin would allow them to find inner peace.

That is where Po succeeds and Shen fails, their parallel arcs splitting. During the sequence of “Po Finds the Truth,” Po harnesses the receptiveness of yin by allowing himself to recall his memories of Shen massacring his people instead of fighting them. Through yin, Po is able to accept his memories and recognize that he cannot control his past or his future; only his present. In doing so, he finds inner peace. Shen, on the other hand, is unable to embrace yin, unable to let go of the past and future, and unable to find inner peace. His failure is demonstrated at the end of the film as he asks Po in disbelief how Po was able to find inner peace after having lost everything by Shen’s own hand. That said, while Shen cannot find a harmony of yin and yang, he does demonstrate some of yin’s passivity through his final act in the film: he accepts his death, allowing his weapon to crush him instead of stepping aside.

Ultimately, Po and Shen’s arcs complement each other as foils because they share the same struggle, reflected in how they were both driven by yang and needed more yin to find inner peace. Only one succeeded.

The gist of it: both yin-yang and wuxing philosophies are embedded into the core of Kung Fu Panda 2, that core being Po and Shen’s relationship as foils. Through fire/water motifs, wuxing emphasizes their oppositional dynamic as protagonist and antagonist. Yin-yang strengthens their complementary struggles of relying too much on yang’s action and not harnessing enough of yin’s passivity and receptiveness. The power of water over fire in wuxing marks where their narrative arcs diverge: water overcomes fire, Po defeats Shen, Po finds inner peace where Shen fails.

I actually have MORE thoughts™ about their complementary character designs and how wuxing and yin-yang play into that AS WELL AS the use of stylized yin-yang imagery in the film, but I’m gonna stop here because this is already kinda Long and I don’t know what the legal and/or academic consequences would be of explaining my entire research paper on Tumblr, lmao. As it happens, a lot of this explanation is taken from the script for my presentation djksaksldkas

I hope you enjoyed what is essentially the first half of my analysis of Po and Shen’s relationship as foils! I’m not saying DreamWorks outdid themselves back in 2011, but… well, let’s be real: they haven’t made any foils so compelling since, have they? Take from that what you will. Also, go rewatch Kung Fu Panda 2. It’s so good!! ✨

[butterflies-dragons]

Hey according to grrm tyrion is said to be a good villain? What do you think about Tyrion? Is he a villain or anti hero? If he is a good villain then why he will be hand of king? Do you think grrm means something different?

Back in 1999, this is what GRRM said: 

Amazon.com: Do you have a favorite character?

Martin: I've got to admit I kind of like Tyrion Lannister. He's the villain of course, but hey, there's nothing like a good villain.

[Source]

Over the years, GRRM also has said:

2000:

Tyrion is Martin's favorite character, but from the perspective of House Stark, he's certainly a villain -- someone once said that a villain was a hero on the other side.

[Source]

2006:

He also answered some questions, and had some interesting things to say. He repeatedly emphasized that he prefers to write grey characters, because in real life people are complex; no one is pure evil or pure good. Fiction tends to divide people into heroes who do no wrong and villains who go home and kick their dogs and beat their wives, but that reality is much different. He cited a soldier who heroically saves his friends' lives, but then goes home and beats his wife. Which is he, hero or villain? Martin said both and that neither act cancels out the other.

(...)

So he said that he likes to paint characters in shades of grey (recurring theme of the weekend, yay! so refreshing from these damn didactic TV show runners... anyway....). And that even what seem like the most horrific people have other sides, aren't pure caricatures of evil, that even Hitler had his nice moments. And he wanted to explore what might cause that kind of villainy, because no one just wakes up and says “I want to be evil today.”  

[Source]

2007:

The concept of heroes and villains is a false dichotomy, in George's opinion. Real human beings are a mixture of good and evil.

[Source]

2008:

FAVORITE WILD CARDS CHARACTERS

(...)

I also loved Jetboy. Although he only appeared in that one story, he set the tone for much that followed. Even so, I might have to pass him over for Gregg Hartmann. A good story needs a good villain, and Gregg was our best, with a story arc that went all the way from book one through book fifteen.

[Source]

[What was the hardest death to write?]

The Red Wedding was the hardest thing I´ve ever written.I don´t know that I have actually enjoyed any of them. Even when you kill a bad guy, it can be hard... he´s one of your ¨children¨too. Besides, good villains are hard to find, and you always have the nagging doubt that maybe you´ll need him down the line.

[Source]

2011:

Much as I admire Tolkien, and I do admire Tolkien — he’s been a huge influence on me, and his Lord of the Rings is the mountain that leans over every other fantasy written since and shaped all of modern fantasy — there are things about it, the whole concept of the Dark Lord, and good guys battling bad guys, Good versus Evil, while brilliantly handled in Tolkien, in the hands of many Tolkien successors, it has become kind of a cartoon. We don’t need any more Dark Lords, we don’t need any more, ‘Here are the good guys, they’re in white, there are the bad guys, they’re in black. And also, they’re really ugly, the bad guys.

It is certainly a genuine, legitimate topic as the core of fantasy, but I think the battle between Good and Evil is waged within the individual human hearts. We all have good in us and we all have evil in us, and we may do a wonderful good act on Tuesday and a horrible, selfish, bad act on Wednesday, and to me, that’s the great human drama of fiction. I believe in gray characters, as I’ve said before. We all have good and evil in us and there are very few pure paragons and there are very few orcs. A villain is a hero of the other side, as someone said once, and I think there’s a great deal of truth to that, and that’s the interesting thing. In the case of war, that kind of situation, so I think some of that is definitely what I’m aiming at.

[Source]

2020:

Dwelling where I am now, deep in the heart of Westeros, I find myself surrounded by my characters, the children of my mind and heart and soul.   They are real to me, as I write them, and I struggle to make them real to my readers as well.   All of them are flawed, from the best to the worst.  They do heroic things, they do selfish things.   Some are strong and some are weak, some smart and some stupid.  The smartest may do stupid things.  The bravest may have moments when their courage fails.   Great harms may be done from the noblest motives, great good from motives vile and venal.   Life is like that, and art should reflect that, if it is to remain true.   Ours is a world of contradiction and unintended consequences.

[Source]

As you can see, when GRRM refers to Tyrion as a “good villain”, he is saying that he is not a caricature of a villain, he is not a cartoon, he is not all black, ugly and evil, etc.

Tyrion is a villain, there is no doubt about it.  GRRM is all about grey characters, but he called Tyrion plainly a villain, more than once. 

I have a favorite villain too, she was a great villain, the actress that played her was superb, and the name of the character has an special meaning for me.  I present to you: Carmen Lucia Moreira de Souza Araújo...

...Also known as ¡CARMINHA!  

She was the modern version of the evil stepmother. The main antagonist of the TV Series called Avenida Brasil (Brazil Avenue).

But at the end of the story Carminha survives, goes to jail, serves her sentence, and ends up living the life she tried so hard to avoid throughout the series: poverty. She literally ends up living in a garbage dump... 

...And she also reconciles with her stepdaughter Rita, the protagonist, they both forgive each other and continue with their lives...     

So, if we follow the hints that the Show gave us, Tyrion may survive but he will end up living the life he tried so hard to avoid throughout the series.  He will work doing good things for the realm but he won’t get ANY recognition or appreciation for those good deeds.  He won’t be part of the History books, he will remain anonymous and eventually he will be forgotten... Or worse, he will only be remembered as the monster he always denied being...

Thanks for your message. 

[savvyblunders]

Personal Post: Imposter Syndrome, Reading Traditional Books, and thoughts about my own writing

{Just rambles regarding books, fanfiction and some of my thoughts therein.}

It’s been a terribly long time since I read any published books--aside from those written by fellow fanfiction authors. It has reached the point that I find them entirely too cringey. The plots are tame, the characters stiff, the language rote. I especially have a hard time caring if there is a supposed ‘romance’ involved. Forget about het romances, they’re so formulaic that they leave me cold. It isn’t that I have no interest in the portrayal of a relationship between a woman and man, it’s that by and large they might as well have been churned off of a factory production line. 

Part of my objection is to the tired old tropes and gender roles which authors (and readers) don’t seem to realize they’re not only falling prey to, but encouraging with their work. The world doesn’t have to be turned on its head to be interesting, but you shouldn’t know from the first few scenes between characters how it will play out--and further more, not care.

I did read a rather good psychological mystery a few days ago, however. I think perhaps it was successful in part because it was so different from the usual run of stories that people publish, but also because there wasn’t a romance shoe-horned into the storyline. The narrator wasn’t particularly sympathetic, but nor were they entirely unredeemed. I don’t want to give too much away, but it explored the themes of bullying, memory, redemption and revenge, with an enjoyable twist that I didn’t see coming--I was successfully led astray by red herrings, which isn’t always the case when I’m reading mysteries. The book, should anyone be interested, was Girl Gone Mad by Avery Bishop.

{I keep on rambling after the break ;)}

I also read another which was such a stinker I deleted it from my Kindle history and couldn’t tell you the title or author. This beauty had a somewhat interesting premise of a woman who wakes from a six month coma with full amnesia and throughout the book has to struggle with not remembering anything and depending on her husband, children and neighbors for the details of her life. Frustratingly, she finds parts of her personality and tastes have changed--at least as far as they all tell her. She begins to doubt that she is who they say--an issue further compounded when certain facets of her life pre-coma are revealed. Then when the ending arrives, there is a twist and a reveal which could have been pretty neat, only it arrived at the end of such a rote story, with such clunky storytelling and unimaginative language that I kind of didn’t care. It was clear, I might add, that the female protagonist was written by a man. Although blessedly he didn’t go into raptures over her perky breasts, long hair, or other physical attributes [insert vomiting]

My reading resulted in a two-fold feeling. One, traditionally published books are by and large crap. A few months ago I tried reading a book from a famous author whom I used to be quite a fan of. It was part of a series with which I used to be enamored. I settled in, expecting a very enjoyable read. After slogging through three chapters I gave it up. The writing was generic, the characters shallow and the ‘bad guy’ was so sketchily written as to be bewildering, not mysterious. 

That book left me frustrated and annoyed. But it also revealed something to me which I had somewhat accepted and understood prior to that, but not entirely absorbed. Just because a book is traditionally published doesn’t mean it’s any good. Just because an author is well known--or even on the best seller list--doesn’t mean they can write. There are more places to find interesting, funny, heartbreaking, sexy, fun, amazingly written, daring and wonderful stories than at a bookstore or through Kindle. 

The second part of my two-fold feeling was that while, as a writer, I may have much room to grow, I still have valuable skills to offer. My four years of writing fanfiction have honed my talent, refined my style, and influenced my voice, perspective and ability. A good beta, or editor, is invaluable. While I used to write solo and not show it to anyone, simply edit and post, I’ve come to understand the inherent value of feedback. It can be a tricky road, as you might find yourself influenced too much by a reader into trying to suit their tastes rather than your own, but a good beta (eternal thanks to @paialovespie & @hoomhum)--that is to say, a great beta, will not only see the nuts and bolts which might need tightening, but will offer insights which blow your story from ordinary to inspired. The same goes for a ‘personal cheerleader’ (the highest of praise to @mottlemoth) or someone who reminds you at your dark times that you are capable of far more than you can conceive of in that moment. Forget nasty comments online, most of us are our own worst enemies--after all, we know our weakest spots and can zero in on them mercilessly.

Even without a beta, I believe in myself as a writer enough these days (most days) to hope that one day, with hard work, skill, great editing, and some luck, I too could be published. Not a NYT best seller, perhaps, but then, I’m not entirely certain I’d like that. I don’t say this out of any sort of pretentiousness, but because, in essence, these days, I want to write the kind of things that appeal to a more niche audience. I’d like to point with pride at my small book, nestled there on a bookshelf, or available with one click of a button, as something that helps give a voice to a community which has, and still continues to be, marginalized, ignored, fetishized and pandered to, in equal measure. Perhaps it would be for the best if what I wrote wasn’t palatable to the greater reading public.

Of course, those days when I’m full of zest and confidence don’t always last. Like any creator, I fall prey to Imposter Syndrome. Lord, I can’t believe that a time used to exist when I didn’t know what that was! I knew the feeling (oh, how I did), but had no clue that a term existed to encapsulate it. The concept that I wasn’t alone in having days (weeks, months, years) of being cast into doubt that I had anything worth saying--a voice worth listening to--isn’t a new one, but to find out that I’m not alone was unutterably comforting. 

Since, like so many people, I’ve been suffering from a lack of ambition and ability to focus during this global pandemic, I haven’t written much at all, that inner voice rang loud and clear. I’m a fraud, a fake. Any ability I had was used up, clearly as shallow as a mud puddle if a little adversity was enough to dry it out. The struggle to get myself past that was, and is, one that swings from good to bad almost day by day. I had to finally give myself permission to be sad, scared, worried, tired, uninspired. Eventually I decided it was enough that I could find comfort and solace in other’s writing. And oh, how I have! Even though days and days would pass when I couldn’t even muster the interest to read, other times I would consume fanfiction fervently, feverishly. 

And there was so much out there! Adventure, sex, romance, comedy, crack, fluff, hurt/comfort. It seems funny that I can rail against the ‘formulaic’ writing of published books and then turn to ‘tags’ and ‘tropes’ for comfort. But I think the difference lies in the heart that is written into those fanfiction stories. Most of us, while being somewhat influenced by friends, mutuals and fans into writing for a hungry public, are, by and large, writing for ourselves. The old tried and true ‘write what you know’ advice seemed empty and meaningless to me for years. If we only ever write what we know, then how do sci-fi, fantasy, adventure, etc., get written? My brain went to the obvious and ignored the heart of the matter--it isn’t so much what you ‘know’ as writing what you need. What makes you passionate. Even if you’ve never been on a space ship, or been part of a polyamorous, platonic communal family group, if you write it with that yearning and spirit in your heart, it will reach out to someone else.

Fanfiction, at it’s core, is self-comfort.

In my estimation, looking at traditionally published books, it seems that what most of them lack is that heart. The writers aren’t writing because they need the story, or because they are compelled to tell it. It isn’t that they had a hell of a good time writing it, or that they made themselves laugh while doing so. They had a publishing deal to fulfil, a publisher to make happy, a reading public who had certain expectations. There’s nothing wrong with that of course, but if it’s your only motivation...then the writing suffers the neglect and a percerptive reader will note the difference. 

By and large, the fandom, the ship, even the trope, aren’t what captivates me most. I’m a pretty eclectic reader. I enjoy a good story more than I do the fact that it is a particular pairing. The draw is how well it is written, any chances the author took, the indulgence into style, formatting, etc. that they allowed themselves. So why should published books be any different? I’ve heard (non-fandom) people dismiss fanfiction as niche. Perhaps it is. But it is also broad, vast, uncharted territory where we’re all having a lot of fun and enjoying the hell out of ourselves.

Maybe those published authors need to spend a little time with us. 

[dailyaudiobible]

08/16/2021 DAB Transcript

Nehemiah 11:1-12:26, 1 Corinthians 10:14-33, Psalms 34:11-22, Proverbs 21:14-16

Today is the 16th day of August welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is wonderful to be here with you today as we move into this week and get settled in. I guess about the time we get settled in the week is over and that's how it works. But here we are for the next step forward together and that will lead us back into the book of Nehemiah. We’ll actually conclude the book of Nehemiah in tomorrow's reading but for today Nehemiah chapter 11 verse 1 through 12 verse 26.

Commentary:

Okay. So, maybe an underlying question in our read…from our reading from first Corinthians today would be how…how close to the line can we get? Like how close to the line of something that’s questionable can we get before we actually enter into something that's sinful. And that's a question I get asked several times in a year and I typically think, well if you're…I mean if that's the question then probably take some steps backward and reevaluate. But because Paul is talking about this in detail and in specific then we can surmise that this was a question was in the church of Corinth. And in specific it was about eating…eating food that that might've been consecrated to an idol, a false God. So, we can read this kind of stuff and go, man I have never ever, you know, you don't go to the grocery store and think…and ask those questions to yourself when you're picking out your selection to meet. And, so, it's a very, very different culture. And, so, just to have the background here, in the Roman Empire we understand that there's a pantheon of gods, the gods of the Empire. Lots of gods are being worshiped. There are the gods of the Empire and then there is generally freedom to worship whatever you want to worship as long as you have an allegiance to the gods of the Empire. The Jews have the worship of the most-high God, and they were excluded from this and then Christians were excluded from this for a while and then they got in a lot of trouble and a lot of persecution. So, this is kind of right in the thick of this as this is all getting sorted out because how would they go to their meat market, their grocery store, as it were and know the origin of the meat. I mean we might ask the questions today like, is this organically fed, grain fed, like were these happy animals, that kind of stuff. And you can track that information down if you go hard enough after it but a meat market in a cosmopolitan city in the Roman Empire, kinda going around and saying, okay was this sacrificed in a ceremony? And to whom was this sacrificed and when and all of this could get complicated. But the church didn't want to participate in idolatry even passively. And, so, Paul's instructions then were, eat. You don’t have to ask those questions. According to Paul, the earth and everything in it belongs to the Lord. It becomes an issue when it touches somebody else's life in a way that causes them confusion or it becomes a problem when were just looking for a loophole so that we can have 1 foot in the kingdom of God and following Jesus while at the same time honoring other deities, consuming meat that we know was ritually sacrificed to a false God, and honoring that in the process, not passively but actually participating and knowingly doing it.  And, so, this last one that we just talked about, like trying to ride the fence basically to have 1 foot in one place in 1 foot in another place and have the best of both worlds, as it were, Paul's like, and I quote “you cannot drink from the Lord's cop and also from the cup of demons. You cannot eat at the Lord's table and also at the table of demons. Or do we want to make the Lord jealous? Do we think that we are stronger than He?” And, so, that’s pretty clear. You’re not gonna have your foot in Baal worship and in Christ worship at the same time because that’s not how it works. There is only one God, only one, the most-high. And then the issue of, how can you know? Like, if…if…if you're not actively trying to have 2 feet in two different worlds, you really are a follower and a disciple of Jesus, you want to keep yourself pure and so you’re trying to avoid sinning passively by consuming food that may have been consecrated to an idol. Paul's basically like don't worry about that, unless it affects somebody specifically. And he uses an example. Like, what if we’re invited over to a friend’s house who isn't a believer and they actually believe in a different god, and they worship that other god and they sacrifice to that other god, but you are friends, you are associates you’re trying to be the light of the world, you're trying to share the good news of the gospel and you're invited over, then go and don't worry about what's put before you. Eat the food. It's not about the food. It's about the posture of heart. Eat the food. However, if those people who are your friends understand that your religious convictions are different and there's, and in an attempt to honor you, they let you know, like hey, yeah, this steak here, this was sacrificed to, you know, our god. Well then, they're letting you know so that you don't have to break a conviction. Like they’re honoring you in honoring your convictions and allowing you to know that. So rather than going oh, it's no big deal, no problem than honor them back and show allegiance to the Lord because they've made it a point to let you know this. And, so, this is the posture of heart that Paul is instructing the church in Corinth and by way of the letter to Corinth us, how we are supposed to act toward each other, honoring each other while not getting lost in the weeds about things that we can't know or convictions that we do not have. And Paul kind of preempts by giving the follow-up question. And that is, why should my freedom to act be limited by another person's conscience? If I thank God for my food why should anyone criticize me about food for which I give thanks? Which is a super individualistic concept that we should be very familiar with because it's dominant in the world today. Why do…why does what somebody else thinks, why should that affect my life? I should be to live my life without worrying about what everybody else might see or do? And I believe that Paul would argue, yes you are absolutely correct when you are following hard after God. But when you are trying to take the freedom that you found in Christ and exploit it to the point that it's confusing to people who might seek Christ you gotta take a second look, maybe a couple steps back and re-examine the situation. And we can see that, you know, we’re using this specific example. There are all kinds of sets of circumstances. Basically, this is a conversation about gray areas and some words and language to give us insight into the fact that it's not about the gray areas so much. It's about the why. It's about the posture and motivation of our hearts. So, Paul boils this issue down really brilliantly with something that's tangible enough for us to carry around and remember. When we walk into that kind of a scenario and we’re not quite sure how…how…what our decisions, what our choices should be. Paul says, well, whatever you do, whether you eat or drink, do it all for God's glory. Live in such a way as to cause no trouble either to Jews or Gentiles or to the church of God. Paul says just do as I do, I try to please everyone in all that I do, not thinking of my own good, but the good of all, so that they might be saved. That distills down very nicely into a core. Can I do this for God's glory? If that is just a checkpoint that we can insert between the decision and the action. If there’s just that little checkpoint that says, can I do this for God's glory. We might do it anyway, even if the answers like…we might willfully go forward, but we won't be confused. We do have a will and we can make our choices, but that could save us a lot of trouble. And, so, let's consider that as we move through our day.

Prayer:

Jesus, we invite You into that. It's…we’re all wearing masks in this world. And, so, there's situations all the time where it's not always clear how to navigate, but to have this little checkpoint in our lives that says, “well, can I participate for the glory of God in this” really really helps, not only whether or not we should proceed, but if we do proceed, how? How we should proceed. With what posture we should proceed because we understand that we are doing it for Your glory and we are trying to bring honor to Your name in what we do as we are a witness, the light in the situation to reflect Your glory into it. So, come Holy Spirit because we certainly do need help. If we’re paying attention, we…we may be somewhat successful. But if we’re not paying attention, which is a lot of the time, we don't…we don't consider what we’ve done until it's already over and then we’re reflecting back. So, come Holy Spirit. We…we need to change that. We need to think these things through in advance and we need Your help. And, so, we humble ourselves before You and ask for Your help in the name of Jesus. Amen.

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And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi this is Donna from California and today is August 11th. I finally got caught up and was out this evening on a beautiful walk listening to the podcast and then the prayers and a prayer came across that just made my heart just…just lift up doctor John, our dear friend and brother Doctor John to you Lord. He's recovering from surgery for glaucoma and bent over, felt a pain, and is now having some…some disturbances in his vision and fears blindness in that eye. Lord Jesus please rush to him please heal him. We…we ask that…that you…you bring healing to him from the surgery from the glaucoma and restore his vision. Thank you, Jesus for…for doctor, John and let him know how loved he is by our community. Thank you doctor John for all the times that you've called in prayers for…for us and lifted us up and we cherish you. I will be keeping you in prayer. And please let us know how you're doing too and how we can continue to pray for you. And we love you. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.

Hi Daily Audio Bible family this is Renzo in Florida and I just want to pray for Doctor John. Father God I just thank you for everything that you give to us Lord and I just please pray for doctor John and that what he's going through right now God for what…with the glaucoma surgery God I just please pray that what just happened to him as he called in today on the 11th God I just please pray that…I just please pray that…that that vision that was just turned into black and white God would be completely restored, that the surgery go well, that his vision to be completely restored in the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus, in the name of Jesus. Yes. God please just help him to just be touched by the Holy Spirit and let him be guided in everything he does. And father God I just please pray as he's recovering from that, and I please pray for him to just keep trusting You Lord in everything. And father God please, I want to pray for I think he said Jonathan…I think his name was Jonathan and Bethsaida. But he said they were struggling with COVID. God I just please pray that they're completely hailed in name of Jesus. God You can do all things. You’re the great physician God and You do all things. All things are possible through You. Please heal them. Let them be completely recovered in the name of Jesus. Amen. God bless you guys. You have a blessed rest of your day. Jesus loves you.

Good morning DAB family this is John O'Connor calling from Juba South Sudan. This morning I would like to ask you to join me in praying for my son Steven John. Steven John is my second child but my first son. I have three sons. He's the first one. Steven John has been diagnosed with bipolar and we have seen him go through the phases with severe depression that lasts for quite some time and then the manic phase that is erratic, pressured speech, and poor judgment and, you know, very restless. And we have gone through the phases that families go through when you're…when you have such a thing in the family. We have been filled with shame. We're going through denial. But now I can only call on…on God to help us with my son. So, your prayers are really really important. I have seen what God can do when people in this community pray. So, I need your prayer. And thank you for praying. Have a good day. Bye-bye.

This is God's Life Speaker. Hello DAB family. I was listening on the 12th, and I heard a 16 year old young lady call in to encourage another DABber who's pregnant. And what she pointed out is that, I can't. And then she gave biblical scripture to back that up. Oh yes you can when you lean on God. I can do all things through Christ. And that is just amazing First off. 16-year-old. God bless you sweetheart. May you be speaking life into those around you which I sure…I am sure that you are. I wanted to point out some of the I cants of the Bible. And those would be, I can't, Moses. That's right, he couldn't until he took off his shoes on that holy ground and turned his attention towards that burning bush. Jeremiah, I can't because I'm too young. That's right until you believed that God said that I picked you for this and you will. Gideon, I can't because I'm not. That's right until you put on what God has called you. There are so many I cants. We need to stand for Christ, who He is, what He has called us to do, who He tells us we are and start speaking them out loud, and walking with that scripture exactly like the 16-year-old has blessed us with and reminded us. So may we all take up what is put on us like Nehemiah. Just take the next step. Go in Christ. Meet with Him first and then step it out, walk it out, speak it out. Amen.

Hi DAB family this is Jessica from California. Today I'm calling to leave a message for Kingdom Seeker Daniel. This is regarding your…your check in after not being able to get in to see her son and how your friend said that God is in the know sometimes. And I have to agree with that because I was actually in the position that your sons end. I was on the other side of the wall, and I had a really bad drug problem. I wound up going crazy. I was schizophrenic on meth and I…I went to this lady's house and I thought that these people were creeping on my daughter and all this strange stuff and I entered their home and to make a Long story short I wound up in jail. I was confused. I was lost and that's right where God met me. And if I wouldn't…if I hadn’t of had so much time between…to myself between me and God, you know, with no interference from my family and to realize…to sort it all out mentally then I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Well, this was in 2015 and I'm telling you the Lord delivered me from it all. I lead a normal life. I've been out for three years. I went to a massage therapy school. My whole entire lives changed. All my relationships have been healed because I had that one-on-one time with the Lord. And just trust that the Lord's working and that He can change your son's heart to realize where…where you were there for him and how much you love him. And I just I hope you stay strong. Thank you.

[sandalaris]

We've already seen Kisa's idea of ruling and it was a disaster. She can only run things like the Twister. So if she was leader it wouldn't turn out. Even the Twister Carlos led. She was just face. Carlos actually drove the knowledge in season 3. So he would be the best one to rule them. He gave all the credit to her though because for whatever reason, he's still in love with her. There's no one left to rule culebras well anymore. Chaos would be s4. A new enemy can easily use that chaos to take.

I like the idea of digging into What Kind of Leader Would Santanico Be? so I’m gonna answer this with a dig into that aspect. (Shout out to @yossariandawn for tossing theories back and forth about this with me, and for letting me use their insights to weave through this!)

We don’t see Kisa/Santanico lead much, as so much of her story has her avoiding any sort of role that gives her power. She gets offered or forced onto a throne a lot throughout the show, and she tries to reject it each time with varying success.

The one and only time we see her actually leading anything of her own free will is for a brief moment in season three, at the fight club. And at first, Seth and Richie make a comment that they think the place is like the Twister, but they are soon proven wrong when they realize the humans and culebras are both there by choice, free to come and go as they please, and that there’s no feeding frenzy that happens. There are rules, and her people there seem to genuinely want to be there and follow those rules. They seem to genuinely love and respect her, the one begging on his knees to be allowed to stay when he breaks those rules. But its a brief moment and I’m not sure how much leading she was actually doing. Kisa is not someone who’s used to getting to make decisions. She was kept ignorant most of her life, trapped inside the temple and turned into a figurehead outside of it, and its not uncommon for abuse survivors to turn to others to make decisions for them. How much of the fight club was Kisa and how much of it was people like Manola? Who was some kind of a fighter before meeting Kisa and would enjoy a safe place for people to brawl for fun and/or money. It could be comforting to Kisa, having someone else make those kinds of choices for her while not trying to control her. How much leading did Kisa actually do there?

Santanico didn’t really lead in the Twister. I think the girls looked up to her, maybe some of the staff too, but those girls were slaves like her. Bought by Malvado and then sent to the Twister to work there, the ones he and his men didn’t eat that is. It was Malvado’s place, ran by Carlos in his name, and Santanico was given a lot of wiggle room because she was Malvado’s prized possession, but at the end of the day her power was in what she was to those actually in control. Everything she knew and understood about the world outside was filtered through Carlos and what bits the girls could give her when they were brought in.

As for Carlos, he rules like Malvado does, because that’s what he thinks will give him what he wants. He envied Malvado, wanted to be him and take over his empire. Malvado was a corrupt Lord who ruled through pain and fear, and Carlos emulated him in his own actions. Its ultimately what drove him and Kisa to opposite sides, because Kisa wanted to destroy Malvado’s empire and Carlos wanted to take it for himself. At least in seasons one and two. As for season three, Carlos has had a change of heart it seems. He’s been through hell by this point, in some ways literally. He seems to genuinely regret his role in freeing Amaru and wants to help stop her, and part of how he does that is by pushing Kisa into accepting the role of leader. She never wanted the power, never wanted to rule, and only reluctantly accepts the role of queen when trying to break Amaru’s claim on the culebras. Which I’m pretty sure she could only do because she was made differently than other culebras. (More credit to @yossariandawn for creating the theory that Kisa holds some draw for culebras because of the way she was created places her someplace between a regular culebra and a Lord. Which I have stolen and completely accepted as a headcanon :P ) I wouldn’t say Carlos is a good leader, because we only ever see him rule in season one, and then it was very very little, and during that time he was driven by his lust for power, even going so far as to go behind Kisa’s back and created plans of his own to get himself more power. He wasn’t motivated by love, he was motivated by greed.

Could Kisa be a good leader? She was tortured physically and mentally for centuries, and was surrounded by the worst sorts of people. Not only the people who surround her at the Twister, but her very prison was designed to draw in the sorts of people no one would miss; rapists and murderers and child molesters. Her greatest defense was learning to manipulate men, and even then only a certain type, and that's not going to work on a broader scale, and is ultimately going to make it harder for her to judge what motivates the average person accurately. She’s had some time to undo a little of the damage her experience and extreme isolation has done to her, but was it enough? She’s so used to relying on others to come up with the plan (Carlos in season one, Richie in season two) that I’m not sure she has the tools to make one herself.

I think her reluctance could be an asset to her though. She doesn’t want power, and therefore won’t be corrupted by it. She saw firsthand the kind of ruler Malvado was and saw herself mirroring him in season two and the destruction that lead to. She’s been forced to believe (whether its true or not is up for debate) that she’s responsible for the culebras. That its her job and responsibility to lead and care for them, which can do wonders for forcing someone to get their shit together quickly because they’re responsible for someone else’s well-being now and can’t screw it up. She had general compassion for them even back in season two, even as she rejected the title of their goddess. Sometimes putting another’s needs before your own can be just what someone needs to fix themselves, but there’s also a good chance she hasn’t actually had enough time to heal and find herself enough to lead. She really only had six months to try and dig through centuries of trauma and piece herself back together again. And how much of a leader can she actually be if she doesn’t really know who she is? Or will taking on the mantel of queen be the foundation she can use to rebuild herself? If she sets her purpose on helping and protecting her people, will that ultimately give her a path to follow towards healing and self-discovery? Or will focusing on others only hinder her on learning about herself and who she is at her core?

I guess the ultimate question this is: Can Kisa learn to be the leader her people need? Or does she lack tools to ever be more than a reluctant figurehead?

[amwritingmeta]

15x01: Belphegor, Spells and Symbology - Oh My!

So, my chickadees, we’re one TFW 2.0 member short. Yeah, such a bummer, right? The kid who’s so damnnn symbolic of change overall has bit the big one (courtesy of granddad) (like what?!) and is now in the big black Emptiness in the sky where all angels go when they bite it. (but what is the Empty symbolic of though?) (yessss indeed) (the unconscious where all self-liberation commences)

Okay, Jack be gone, but in his stead we now have this new kid on the block, yeah, and this new kid on the block is taking the place of the linchpin for Team Free Will’s push towards self-actualisation and it’s no wonder, then, that this new kid on the block is a speaker of truth! See what I’m getting at here?

Basically it’s just that Alexander Calvert - darling and dearling - is still playing a character pushing our boys towards Good Positive Change. Or so I believe. I mean, obviously we shall see, but the setup of Belphegor isn’t saying anything else. 

Oh, he can’t be trusted. Absolutely not. Night and day to Jack in that regard. Or, perhaps, I might go so far as to say that he’s Jack’s shadow manifested. *shrug* But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s Speaking Truths That No One Else Is Speaking. 

Man! Still not off the high from that episode, swear to God I would french Andrew Dabb in a heartbeat.

Okay, reeling it in.

So, three things -->

Thing the First: Truths

He calls Cas an abomination in that stupid, dumb trench coat. This goes to the very core of Cas’ internal struggle with his identity, so this calling out of it, threading back through Cas’ journey, feels weighty af. 

He speaks candidly of having worshipped a giant rock shaped like a penis as a human and is, unabashedly, checking out men and women alike (shouldn’t actually ascribe bisexual as his choice sexuality but he is clearly not straight), and then he subtly flirts with Dean, which skeeves Dean out since Jack was kinda his kid, so yeah, stop that immediately, Belphegor. (but hey if he jumps vessel then all bets are off) (just saying) 

*rubs hands together because oh my god I really want there to be textual flirtation that doesn’t go anywhere obviously because Belphegor is already picking up on the tension between two certain someones*

Belphegor also brings up Hell and Alastair and Dean breaking and torturing souls! Like what?!! The callbacks to end all callbacks. To the beginning of it ALL. Like, yeah, we’re in the final stretch here and Dabb is not kidding around.

And yes, Belphegor calls the moment Dean and Cas share at the end of the episode what it is, which is awkward, and then tries to prod Cas to talk about it. Albeit ironically (of course Cas won’t open up to him) he’s still doing it because he just doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him and this is precisely the sort of character these two need to poke and prod at their inability to fucking communicate openly.

Hot damn! 

But. We shall see what we get. :P

It’s interesting that he barely interacts with Sam. Sam is his own man this episode in very many ways and I very much like it. 

Thing the Second: Spells

Graveyard Dirt and Angel Blood

Naturally most of us, I’m sure, immediately thought of the “I’m always happy to bleed for the Winchesters” moment in S7. Here, Cas isn’t so happy. He’s suspicious, and rightly so, of this new player on the scene. Still, he complies.

Now, there are things to take from this scene that have to do with life vs death, mortality vs immortality or even Earth vs (or if you’d rather) combined with Heaven. 

Cas’ strong reaction to Belphegor defiling Jack and Belphegor predominantly having a personal interaction with Cas through calling out the trench coat (symbolic of duty/humanity and at this point that space Cas occupies between) puts the focus on them here. Add to that the need of angel blood and it’s even more heavily linked to Cas symbolically, right?

What exactly does the symbology mean? Honestly, beats me. It feels like a foreshadowing that won’t be clear to us until further down the line (hopefully), but it excites me to think that for a character who has battled for his entire progression with the question of where he belongs, we get a spell that literally combines dirt or earth with the blood of Heaven.

Does that mean that there’s a choice to be made - mortal man or immortal wavelength? - or does it mean that Cas is already a bit of both and just has to accept himself as he is and continue on wearing that stupid, dumb trench coat proudly, the same way he has for a good while now, eh? 

Well, that is the real question, isn’t it?

But then again, I’m a bit biased. :)

Mound of Salt and Human Heart

This one’s very interesting as it’s tied more directly to both Dean and Sam. Cas is a part of it too, as he’s with Sam when the spell is cast and they run for the safety of it together, but Sam is the one most affected by it, and I’m curious to see what effect it will have on Dean as well. 

Why?

Because what does salt mean on this show?

It means protection. The spell is, literally, a protection spell, right? A magic ring of salt a mile wide - no ghosts in and no ghosts out. For characters who have always been incredibly haunted by their past, though in subtext, the external hauntings are being salt-circled away from them, while the human heart of the spell could symbolise the brothers’ hearts actually entering a safe space as well.

Again, why?

Because of what Sam does the moment he passes the perimeters of the spell.

He turns around and he faces a fear that has been very pronounced on the show - his fear of clowns (or, as I’d argue, his fear of people wearing masks, not showing their true face) - and he tells that fear to shut up.

Mind. So. Blown.

What a moment for him! *goddamn fist-pumping the air for him*

The heart is at the centre here, and the heart symbology has always been extremely strong with Dean, but in 13x12 it was Sam’s heart on the line and now both of them are linked to the beating heart on that mound of salt linked to a sense of safety, of protection, of trust. The potential, peeps. The potential of a deeper exploration of what the want in their heart of hearts. Yeah? 

Not just in the coming few episodes within that mile wide magical ring of protective salt, because Lord knows how long that’ll last, but through the symbology of it. I mean, what a way to instil hope that this is what they’ll all be pushed to explore during the coming season. *fingers crossed*

Thing the Third: Motivation

Or possible motivation for Belphegor. 

Given his speech in the crypt about wanting Hell to stay as it always has, it’s intriguing that he’s an opposite mirror of Anael. She had a boring, repetitive job and she couldn’t wait to get out of Heaven. She chose to make a life for herself on Earth because she actually wanted to help people (if that statement sticks) (I’d love for her to come back this season and then all bets are off) while Belphegor wants to help the Winchesters restore Hell to its recent glories so that he can go back to punching that clock. And, you know, torturing souls.

Too simple?

Yeah, maybe. 

Of course he knows who the brothers are (love that there are newspapers in Hell) and this feels like a possible plant for him actually seeking them out specifically. Might not be, but it’s an interesting plant if so. Because of how Lucifer tried to make Nick resurrect him, for one, but also because of the Heaven/Hell dichotomy overall and who’s vying for what and who’s on the side of whom. *curious af*

Here we finally have a character who might have some personal stakes in driving a wedge between these men, and what better way to drive a wedge than to dredge out truths no one’s speaking, thinking it’ll break them apart when we know it’ll actually only serve to open their eyes to their own blindness and will end up making them stronger, individually and, through that, as a group.

*gah*

Could Belphegor not be Belphegor? 

Yeah, but I don’t see why he would be. 

I think he’s Belphegor the demon, but his stated motivations might just be a half-truth. Perhaps he’s even linked to Michael. darkest!Michael would be something tbh. After all, Michael was always, even if God held the ultimate reins, the shadow along the edges of the brothers’ fate. And after a few lifetimes in that cage, I do wonder exactly what might emerge. *goosebumps* 

That said, Michael is a pale representative for toxic masculinity when the Almighty himself has stepped into those shoes, so symbolically it might be more fitting that we get something entirely different. Time will tell!

[the-judge-of-bones]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; MUN & MUSE - MEME.

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

TAGGED BY: @mrfunnybone​ TAGGING: Whoever see’s this and has a T or C in their username :P

(I would do this for gaster to but good lord this thing is longer then i thought HKDLAHS)

MY MUSE IS:  CANON / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. 

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. 

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. 

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. 

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO (in Canon, no, he’s not relevant to the main story. If he didn’t exist, the game wouldn’t miss much in terms of playability, But i do play him in a way that makes him more relevant)

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. (No matter the run you chose, You encounter sans at the end of the game)

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. (He’s well known because he helped in the construction of the core at a young age, Long before he was known for his lazy, joking nature)

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. (It’s neutral now because most people in the usual time, don’t know he worked on the core, they don’t even know he was a scientist! and sans is generally hush, hush about it. He has a hard to work around attitude and it takes a long time to know the true him past the heavy walls he’s built up. So many people only know him as the slightly off, lazy, jokester sibling of papyrus)

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?  — While i do follow some points of canon, I am 100% far more canon-divergent then full canon, It’s just part of how i play muses. I put my own on my favorite chara’s and in some ways, make them my own.

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS.  —  Mysterious, Sans is someone you apparently know everything yet nothing about, he’s open yet closed off to all that matters. He’s more then meets the eye, but he doesn’t have the energy to put that forth because of what’s going on behind the scenes of the world they live in, He adores his brother and cares greatly for the people who get close to him even if it’s hard to manage some days, he walks a fine line between unaware’s and knowing all.

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?).  —  He’s not easy to get along with despite what the joking nature may seem, it’s at best ‘surface’ level type of friendship, He doesn’t like humans and he doesn’t like you. He can put on a facade for his friends, his family, but if you disappeared and didn’t come back? he wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t look for you, he wouldn’t do anything to get you back, Because unlike papyrus or toriel or anyone else, You aren’t worth the effort and you’d have to put a lot of work to get anywhere near that point.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?  —  I played sans in the past, a very, very long time ago. He was my first true muse on tumblr, but i didn’t play him well because i didn’t know what i was doing, It’s only recently that i saw the undertale fandom was still alive and well that i decided to jump back into this punny skeleton man i adored so long ago and turns out? my motivation for him never left! and i’ve laughed a lot in the short time i’ve played him.

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?  —  It’s fueled a lot by my own love for the game, the character and the fandom itself but, that’s not to say it isn’t fueled by the interactions i’ve had either. it’s chaotic, silly, sad but wonderful, i’ve felt incredibly welcomed in a very short time ;w;

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? (This is one of those, i really damn well hope so but i’m not the best ‘judge’ of that :P)

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF? (Me, glancing at my giant drabble like headcannons, me?? Nooooooo)

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO (If i don’t occasionally churn out a full af drabble then assume i’m dead)

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO (Yes, even when i’m not writing him, there’s always ideas or things i want to do in my head)

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? (Of course!)

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. (I am!, even if other people didn’t like it, I’m happy with how i write)

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. / SORTA.  (Generally no!, I can be sympathetic both for chara’s and the muns behind them but it’s not going to get to me in a way that really impacts me.)

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?  —  Of course, as long as it’s viable and useful criticism, i am more then happy to take it. Will i always agree with it? no, But will i always take it into consideration? yes.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?  — PLS

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  —  I’d be happy to know why someone dislikes it and what they have instead of that headcannon but i ain’t gonna be huffy if they don’t have a reason to dislike it

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?  — I’d be more then fine with it, they can tell me WHY if they want to but i’m also not gonna care if people don’t like how i do it personally, there’s plenty of sans out there, each with their own unique interpretation of the character. Don’t like this one, Go find a different one, If you don’t like any of them. Maybe write him yourself! :D

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?  —  I’d just shrug, Not everyone is going to like a character from a game, Like. I adore undertale but i don’t really like muffet. Does that mean i’m going to shit on muffet rpers? no. Does that mean i won’t interact with muffets? no.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?  — If you see them, you can but unless it’s a big mistake. i prob won’t go back to fix it.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?   —  Awh yeah, i am chaotic and feral but i’m friendly and i don’t bite. If anything, i’m overenthusiastic.

[capriciouswriter]

The Birth of the Sins

So this is the story of how the Seven Deadly Sins were brought to life because of God’s relationship with Lucifer. This only applies to my mainverse which I write with Oli’s Lucifer ( @hellruins ).

It’s very long but I hope you enjoy it! It took me almost 6 months to write it askfsjdhgklf.

In the beginning there was Him and His sister. Two parts of a whole, everything and nothingness at the same time, coexisting before creation. Then creation happened, then archangels happened, then She was no longer there and soon it was just Him, His archangels, heaven and other celestial creations, for millennia to come.

It was no secret to anyone in heaven that, despite Michael being the Prince and heir of heaven, the favorite child was none but Lucifer.

The morning star.

The most beautiful angel ever created, the light bringer, made in His image and the one always one step closer to Him. If Michael took a step close, Lucifer took two. If Gabriel held His hand, Lucifer held both. If Raphael was at His feet, Lucifer was on His arms. If the siblings were upset about these preferences, they went unnoticed for ages, since no one dared to question why would He allow Lucifer such privileges, and He never made effort to explain His motives.

This preference, however, did have an effect in Lucifer. Every step closer, every hold tighter, every touch, every brush, every second together and every allowed interaction raised a feeling, an emanation inside the archangel that grew and grew and he held onto that feeling, using it as a ladder to push himself taller, and bigger and above his siblings, escalating until he felt what no one had ever felt before: God-like.

And so, Pride was born…

The sin nested itself deep inside their hearts, for where else would it feel just as welcomed than there, where it was born? And inside those hearts it grew its roots, feasting of their shared time, on their longing gazes, on those moments where The All-mighty would send everyone away except for the Morning star, keeping him close; Soft, warm hugs, divine hands dripping grace and love through white glowy feathers, wings spreading at His desire, every touch so intimate, delicate and chaste, yet filled with desire within.

None of them noticed when Pride gained a conscience of itself, beating through holy veins and expanding itself, nurturing those feelings inside those two divine cores: The need for even more closeness, the fact that no matter how much time they spent together it wasn’t long enough, how when He looked away, the Morning star burnt bright, flaring for attention, and oh, the response of those blue eyes, desire just as intense behind them as God noticed His child: so beautiful, so needy, so close yet not enough... Never enough.

Greed sparkled in golden flames, demanding to have more.

And so, the All-mighty allowed it. Lucifer was everywhere: Standing by His side, an arm looped around His; sitting on His lap, no matter the place, from the Throne to His secret study behind that same room. Never close enough, thin arms clinging to holy shoulders, lips tracing patterns across His face, gentle brushes that, slowly, with every passing day made their way into His mouth.

The day their lips met, His study was particularly empty. Nothing but them in the space of the void, shielded from the rest of heaven, just wanting to be as close, as safe and uninterrupted as they could.

Eager lips colliding against each other, restless hands exploring every bit of skin, no need for clothes, there was no shame left between them when they decided to take the next step. It was overwhelming, grace flaring uncontrolled as they kissed, and bit, and sucked and touched each other, enjoying every single moment as God made Lucifer His in a deeper way than any other of His creations, a bond so strong, a link so fierce and heated up, on a level existence had never seen before.

Never before in the history of creation had been such a spillage of grace and uncontrolled energy, God's and Lucifer's core so in sync, coming together and undone at the same time for what it seemed like months and years and decades together, reaching a climax that shook the entirety of existence, such pressure, density and temperature of Holy grace highly intense it created the biggest explosion ever known, and suddenly the void around them wasn't void anymore...

This cosmic level of connection was so intense, some people are still arguing if it's still happening, somewhere, Billions of light years away from Earth...

Lust was born at the same day the universe was: during The Big Bang.

"It's a new project." were the words of the Creator when everyone on heaven asked what this new cosmic creation was: galaxies coming together, creating stars and planets and many astral bodies never seen before, the questions of course, carried by His closest archangels, the only ones allowed in His presence. "Your brother Lucifer helped me create it, and you all will help me build it. It’s all yours to work and play with."

And so they did. The archangels explored the universe, every celestial body out there was so new and different from what they had ever seen. Heaven was beautiful, perfect and fulfilled; the universe was rough, barely born, growing and expanding uncontrolled, never still. It was marvelous, and the angels took the liberty of shaping every star, name every planet and their moons, creating their cores and even destroying them just to build something new and better and bigger, like children building an empire with sandcastles, their graces either building hands or destructive waves, ever so curious.

And as every other celestial enjoyed themselves with this creative momentum, God and Lucifer took the liberty of resting. With the building of the universe, everyone's attention was out there, instead of around the two celestials back home. No need to sneak around, no need to measure their affection; just the two of them, together, for eons to come as the universe expanded and they both settled to spend time together.

Those were long, wonderful years where the deity and His archangel came even closer than before if possible, their cores in sync, not wanting to spend another second apart, shared kisses and brushes, soft feathers across divine skin, slow touches with heavy intention and meaningful connection behind them...

No one kept track of time back then, it wasn't even a concept born yet, but without realizing roughly 9 billion years happened since the birth of Lust, and now, after all these eons of leisure, the rest of the sins realized a new one had appeared under their noses: Sloth.

Although creative, there weren't many of His children's creations that could take away Chuck's focus from Lucifer. For Lucifer was perfect, and if that Pride growing inside Him knew something, was to appreciate perfection made by one self.

So it was really a surprise the moment one of His archangels, the youngest of the core four, approached one day to show Him his new creation: a solar system.

"Look, Papa, this is us." Gabriel chirped, divine hands pointing at the planets and their star. "That big one is Lucifer." He pointed at the sun, bright and huge, it's light embracing the planets around it. "That one is mikey!" he grabs mercury in hands and shows it to his Father, who amazed and endeared watched how Gabriel pointed at each planet and how they represented each one of his siblings: Venus was Raphael, Mars was Maze, Azrael was Jupiter, Jophiel was Saturn, Metatron was Neptune and the tiniest, smaller planet was their newest brother seraph: Castiel.

And as God admired his work, He decided to make room for one planet, also aligned to the sun, at a distance behind Venus, and on front of Mars. "Now it's perfect. This is you, Gabriel." The deity spoke, running a hand through golden hairs as The Earth was created for His child.

And with this frame of a family, Gabriel gained his Father’s attention for long periods of time, for this was the first time in eons God felt the itch to create again, to build something new, to destroy it and start from scratch, playing with the planets in their surroundings. He was so enamored with His new creation, Elohim decided to see, to predict how this world would evolve, to take a look on its future and the nature He saw amazed and enchanted Him even more, He decided to create a replica of how the earth would eventually look. Eden was born then, a link between heaven and earth, a romantic idea of how He expected things to go, opening it to His celestials to enjoy. Still, Elohim’s favorite part was seeing things happen, for He had learned His predictions don’t always go as He expected. And as God pulled away from Lucifer to create, entertained by the evolution of His new planet, a new sin screamed its way out into existence: Envy.

Jealousy that burned green, gold-touched by Greed, coiling deep inside Lucifer’s heart, retaliation coming soon enough in the shape of tantrums, misbehaving and plenty of problematic behaviors, all in the name of drawing even a little of His attention back to him. Jealousy that more than once instigated fights among the core archangels that, after seeing their Father lose focus on Lucifer, all wanted to try a chance of being closer to Him as well. Raphael got bolder, closer, demanding of their Father’s attention as well. Gabriel was all over Him, wanting to create, to make new things, always restless. Michael trying hard to keep them in line, praying to their Father for patience. Mastema, the worshipper, always looking for ways to praise Him and gain attention as well. Jophiel, the youngest of the archangels, praising and offering worship to her Lord.

Still, none of them was loud enough as Lucifer, who even dared bring other celestials into this. For it wasn’t only in Lucifer’s heart that envy rooted, the sin stretching and cradling the God’s heart as well, a tiny squeeze and He was livid, green with jealousy whenever Lucifer spent time with other celestials right before His eyes, his touch and approach too intimate, and that behavior from Lucifer belonged to Him only.

One day He broke, deciding to take Lucifer with Him into Eden, keeping everyone out to have the garden just for the two of them. And in the middle of the garden, right between the Tree of life and the Tree of Knowledge, God laid with Lucifer again, like they had been during eons before, loving and marking up His archangel, divinity fueling the celestial with a new glow again. Still, it wasn’t enough. Greed and Envy had tasted the attention of previous eras, so this moment as satisfactory as it was, wasn’t enough. And so, God gave up once again to Lucifer’s petitions. If Lucifer could only understand why He was so dedicated to Earth, then he wouldn’t feel so insecure, right?

Elohim then picked up a fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, the forbidden fruit He had told His celestials to never touch, and with Lucifer in arms He fed it to him, giving him a part of the Knowledge He had on earth and its future. And with every bite, Lucifer’s need for reassurance receded slowly, trusting in Him and His decisions. Elohim understood Lucifer was different than his siblings, and the love He felt for him pushed Him to allow him to gain the Knowledge that was forbidden for everyone, except Himself. And Lucifer took it and accepted it, now he understood why this nature marveled his Father and decided to love earth as well.

And then, just as (un)predicted, an amazing event happened. Hominids started populating the earth, sentient beings that could at some degree reason. Again, God’s attention was drawn to Earth, and decided to repeat His action once again: create a version of the last evolution of hominids on Eden to admire, as He waited for them to evolve naturally on Earth. He had picked the dual reproduction on earth, and so decided to create two versions of them. Just as the first time He had started creating, Lucifer’s anxiety spiked up again and, to get him involved in this, God decided to give him the opportunity of creating alongside Him.

God then grabbed another fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, giving Lucifer the ability and power to create life, if only briefly. With that knowledge, Lucifer created Lilith, just at the same time God created Adam. They were supposed to procreate, be there for each other and multiply just as the species on earth. But unlike their less evolved counterparts, there was something lacking there that wasn’t shown before until these creations.

Lilith didn’t like Adam’s status, meant to be above her. She constantly fought her birth right to be his equal, and being created from Lucifer’s own hand grew the seed of sin inside her heart, demanding more, hubris pushing her to fight for her rightful place by Adam’s side, not bellow. God soon grew tired of this, and decided to expel Lilith out of Eden, hurt by her rejection of His creation. He made sure to post watchers all around Eden, to prevent her from wanting to get back into the Garden. He then decided to do what He should’ve done on the first place: create Eve from Adam, just like He had created the archangels from Himself, so she would serve him like the archangels were meant to serve Him.

Seeing his creation vanished and replaced made Lucifer’s insecurities arise again. Why couldn’t Lilith be equal to Adam? Why couldn’t both hold the same power? Elohim saw the distress in His child’s mind and held him close again, brought him back to Eden, to Himself and to repeat the only action that seemed to sooth Lucifer during this outbreaks: He fed him again the fruit of knowledge. He let him know what he expected of humanity, what He desired to be for them, and reassured the archangel that everything was going to be ok, that He loved him above everything and the situation with Lilith was going to be left behind.

The thing about holding so much knowledge is that soon enough Lucifer wanted more and more. He wanted to know everything behind his Father’s actions, and begged Him for more of it over and over. Each time the deity gave up under Lucifer’s pushing, a new sin grew stronger and wildly, aided by the hand of its sibling Greed: Gluttony.

Eve’s creation was one of the few things that brought joy to the All-mighty after all the drama that involved their creation. He adored His girl with all His heart, and watching her thrive on Eden along with Adam quickly became one of Elohim’s hobbies. This was, of course, soon met with Lucifer’s increasing, beating jealousy. No matter what he tried, God’s attention eventually left him to focus on Adam and Eve. Especially Eve. His perfect, submissive little Eve.

And just like he had done before, Lucifer resorted to charm his way into Eden. He was Elohim’s brightest creation, the most beautiful angel, and it was not hard for him to seduce both humans just like he had done before with several other angels. This time, however, with the amount of unacknowledged sin in their hearts, Chuck’s reaction was violent.

He scolded the archangel for getting involved with the humans in such way, and ordered not to do so again. Lucifer complied as long as He paid him attention, and so it was… for a while. When His attention shifted again, Lucifer slithered once again into the human’s lives, and his words and actions were so alluring, the seed of doubt was planted in them, especially Eve, just like Lilith’s once had been. Why did she had to be below Adam? Why did she had to be lower than him?

The corruption of Eve was God’s last straw, and, not knowing how to deliver punishment for the two beings He loved most in the whole cosmos, a last sin was born within His heart: Wrath.

Wrath started warm, saving up all of His feelings, building them up to what He thought would be just deliverance. But with each of Lucifer’s tantrums and betrayals, suddenly the arguments started. Why was He obsessed with humans? Why was He paying more attention to them than His previous creations? All these questions were shouted at Him from a very angry, very hurt and very sinful heart, the lightbringer glowing with rage at His words: Angels were supposed to protect humanity, to care for them, to bow to them and love them even more than they loved Him.

It was blasphemous to Lucifer’s ears, for no one could ever love anyone like he loved his creator, like he loved Him: desperately and sinful, with his entire being, selfish and possessively. Pride made sure to throw more fire in the pyre, feeding up its newly born sibling, making Wrath grow with each new fight Pride prompted Lucifer to create, Envy and Greed glowing bright with each argument, until one day, Wrath exploded into completion.

Heaven had never seen such cruelty in their Creator’s face. The burning feeling of Wrath was felt across the entire cosmos and fear was born that same day, as Elohim took the hardest decision of His life: to save humanity from being corrupted, He needed to cast said corruption out of heaven.

And so, wielding His sword, Lucifer’s fall was ordered. He had refused to do what God ordered, had crossed plenty of lines, and the seeds of their sin grew into his perdition. Michael carried the order, and in heaven’s first war ever, the rebellion happened as soon as it ended: Lucifer fell to earth, along with a handful of angels who thought wise to follow his path.

As blinding as Wrath was, once it was gone, once He was calm and the fire had died, He was, for the first time ever, able to see them: The sins born of their relationship. God’s roar was heard across the universe as He ripped each and every one of those sins out of His core, divine hands molding them like molten glass, shaping them into the first thing that came to mind: a fruit.

He put the fruit on the one place He was sure no one would touch: The tree of knowledge. For it was forbidden for every creature in the universe…

Though, plenty of years after his fall, Lucifer decided to carry on with his revenge: he would make Elohim’s humans fall like he did, it’s the least they deserved after being the cause of losing everything Lucifer ever loved. So one day he charmed his way into Eden, the action that would earn Gadreel’s incarceration and torture under the hand of his guard, and found his way to Adam and Eve. The well-known story happened, he temped Adam and Eve into taking the forbidden fruit and, having eaten from it, Eve gained the knowledge of creation, Adam’s eyes opened too, and by taking in the one apple carrying the Sins, they attached into the heart of men.

And so, with Adam and Eve’s betrayal, God casted them out of heaven and the story is already known. The sins were brought to earth, nestled in the heart of human kind, and were spread across the globe by their reproduction.

[chemicalprince]

What about thinking Boris’s zodiac sign? I swear dear lord I think he's Gemini

He's obviously a child of air

- great adaptation

- ability to learn quickly

- chatty

- people born under this Sun sign often have a feeling that their other half is missing, so they are forever seeking new friends, mentors, colleagues and people to talk to

- expressive and quick-witted, Gemini represents two different personalities in one and you will never be sure which one you will face. They are sociable, communicative and ready for fun, with a tendency to suddenly get serious, thoughtful and restless. They are fascinated with the world itself, extremely curious, with a constant feeling that there is not enough time to experience everything they want to see

- their skills and flexibility make them shine in trade

- there is so much childish innocence in the nature of Gemini, telling their tale of brotherhood and love between best friends

- Gemini always ready for an intellectual challenge, sees love first through communication and verbal contact, and find it as important as physical contact with their partner. Inquisitive and always ready to flirt, a Gemini could spend a lot of time with different lovers until they find the right one

- Gemini might make sharp turns, leaving those who love them behind

- they are naturally flirtatious, adventurous and humorous but also can be passionate and gentle one moment, and aloof and distant the next

- while he feels emotion, he thinks that it goes deep and will rarely ask himself if it is just something that will pass tomorrow. Enjoying the moment, he could truly get on their partner’s nerves if they constantly try to make plans for their future together

- if Gemini was hurt by their family, there is a great chance they will never go deep enough to understand self and then it is even more difficult for others to actually see them. If someone recognizes the core of a Gemini they will find that there is a root to all that childish charm

GEMINI & CANCER (Theo is cancer if you don’t remember)

- If Gemini partner has enough patience to talk to their partner about same things over and over, in time they could build enough good relationship

- Cancer could actually wake the depth of their Gemini, giving them enough support to express their more emotional personality

- there is probably not a single sign in the zodiac that Gemini couldn’t talk to, so their communication skills mark this category a bit higher in every case. In their relation to a Cancer partner, they usually feel the need to open up a bit more and share things that they wouldn’t with other people. There is a certain “motherly” glow around Cancer, male or female, that gives Gemini enough room to set their inner child free. This can actually be a wonderful relationship that lasts much longer than other Gemini relationships, because there is usually enough understanding in Cancer for their childlike partner. That is, if other aspects of the relationship are satisfying enough. It is safe to say that Cancer and Gemini make good friends and this could give a push in the right direction toward their emotional and sexual understanding as well

- the main negative possibility here would be in the fact that Gemini doesn’t always listen. It is often said that Gemini is a superficial sign, but in fact, they like to stay afloat and keep away from difficult conversations because of their need to move forward. Cancer can try to share their emotions too often for Gemini to have enough patience to understand them, and this can be devastating for their emotional relationship. On the other hand, Gemini doesn’t really show emotions in a way that Cancer will easily recognize. It is a good thing they are capable of finding emotion in anything and anyone, so they might have a chance to understand the emotional nature of their childish Gemini

- While Gemini is giving value to all that comes out of their mind, Cancer is an emotional guru, giving value to things their heart beats for. When it comes to relationships, they are probably the most vulnerable to differences in this category, for differences here make their primary goals different. Although they will both be motivated to find love and the way their partner acts in a relationship

_________________

This is not what I came up with, just something from the internet

And of course not all Gemini like that and you can say that this description is suitable for almost all signs of the zodiac but nevertheless these qualities are most inherent in Gemini like really dude (and I also could say in Sagittarius but it really seems to me that fire is too much for Boris but i think his father could be a fire)

[crqstalite]

SHADOW OF THE SITH. Ch. 2

NAJI _ MANAAN. POST_LEGACY_OF_THE_RAKATA.

"It's going to be a while until we see each other again, does it have to be immediatly?" Naji asks, smiling sweetly at the black-clad Sith Lord. She seems a tad stunned before offering her a surprised, but genuine smile in return. Unlike her also black clad companion, who simply seems to retreat further into her hood and respirator. Lana has been a strange addition to her list of contacts, primarily because she is of the opposite faction, but she's sweet, and Naji is going to be rather sad to see her go. The way she continued to assist with their missions, and the friendly composure she had that was so rare among Sith, she was sad she couldn't follow them underground. "I rather enjoyed this excursion."

Especially for something that's her fault to begin with. She hated the idea that Lana and Theron would have to uproot their lives and hide in the shadows for something she'd caused.

Well, Darth Amarillis' (Quinn, but she'd nearly had a fit when Naji had mentioned her second last name), actually. Naji had wanted to let Arkous and Darok live. The Darth had other ideas and cut them down quickly in a flash of red light. But Revan had risen, and going into hiding seperately was the only way to go it seemed until everything died down. She hoped that'd be soon, so she could stop thinking about it and finally dispose of the cult leader. Get back to life as planned, or as planned as it could be. Relax on the Polaris, enjoy what time she had left in the galaxy.

She was curious about the absence of the starch Imperial who followed the other woman around (and provided healing, though Tharan was leery of the man and Felix agreed wholeheartedly, provided that they were with her and she wasn't bleeding out on the ground), who the Darth had switched out for a tall and imposing Talz. However, prodding the Sith didn't seem like a smart decision right then, and the answer could wait until later. Or never. Never was a good option. Naji wasn't sure where she stood with the Wrath, but she'd rather actually be standing to figure out and answer that question.

"Unless you're planning a party, it'll definitely be a while. Not forever though." Theron responds, leaning against the desk and crossing his arms, "There's no way we're letting a cult get away with the whole galaxy in tow."

"Confident, Shan?" The scowling (Naji can't see it at the moment but the few times the Darth has been without her mask, she's always scowling) Sith remarks, a low hiss through her respirator as she chuckles ominously, though something seductive filtering into her voice. "I like that in a man."

Lana stifled a chuckle (well enough that Naji only just barely caught the quirking of the corner of her lips), and she herself rolled her eyes. The entire ordeal had just been one sided flirting on the Darth's side, though Theron seemed to be...oddly receptive if not also flustered when she did get to making these remarks. His signature wasn't easy to read, even harder to try and decode, but it was clear enough that while he wasn't comfortable with it, he also wasn't exactly hating it either. Naji couldn't figure why, he seemed like the least likely person to be attracted to a Sith. Also why her newfound companion had found solace in teasing the man, she wasn't sure. What had happened to the Imperial healer?"I-uh, I'll let you and Lana get to having your official debrief or...whatever." He pointedly gave her a look that said 'I'll talk to you outside', and once prompted that Lana didn't need her anymore, she followed the SIS agent outside the private suite.

"Look, I know this operation probably wasn't the smoothest you've ever been in, and for that, I'm sorry circumstances didn't work out the way they should've." Theron says, obviously about to begin a tangent that even she could predict. She'd rather cut him off before he begins rambling about how the mission could've gone. Possibilities were rarely if ever reality, and she would treat them as such.

"Theron, really. It was a couple of missions, and considering I came back with my mind and body intact is a miracle in itself. So maybe we had a few Imperial resources we didn't ask for, all's well that ends in you having to go underground." She shrugs, before frowning as she runs a hand through her hair realizing what she's just said, "Sorry, way too soon."

His face is a mask of general confusion before shaking his head, possibly hiding his own smile, "It happened. But uh, yeah. We survived for the most part. Just don't do anything stupid before I see you again?" he asks, holding out his hand for a handshake. She takes it, smiling wholeheartedly.

"I have Felix for that, and if worst comes to worst, you'll hear about it first." She says, shifting awkwardly as she lifts the hood on her robe again with nothing else to tell the SIS agent, "Well, if this is really goodbye, I don't want to hold you up anymore than I already have. Safe travels to you and Lana."

"You too, Barsen'thor." He nods with the last ghosts of a smile still on his face, before turning and heading a different direction than her. Naji sincerely did wonder what the galaxy had in store for the four of them (five, Jakarro, six, C2D4). The Revanites really were rising again, and instead of going after them, they were waiting and lying low. Something she figured the violent Emperor's Wrath wouldn't exactly enjoy the thought of waiting for so long. A few months, a few years until they'd come across their allies again. Where, when. Questions that wouldn't be easily forgotten.

A vacation of sorts, she figured. But not one she'd enjoy looking forward to the end of. As hectic as life became, a relaxing few weeks on the Polaris was exactly what the doctor had ordered. And a few glasses of brandy that at first she'd declined but quickly taken a liking to. Damned Tharan and his less than conventional healing ways. Finding Felix waiting just where she'd left him waiting, she grinned as she took his hand in hers, taking a few moments of looking out over the waters of Manaan before turning to him.

"Is it all over?" He asks, motioning for them to sit together on a bench before kissing her temple, "Are we going home?"

"We're going home, that's for sure. But it's not over Felix, in fact, it's just begun."

-

TRI'AMA_THE_FURY. POST_LEGACY_OF_THE_RAKATA.

The ship is empty once she returns, and it unsettles her in a way that shudders her down to her core. Except for Broonmark, it's dark and cold in the Fury as she goes about doing the pre-flight checks. Everyone else has been on leave, and calling them back is going to be difficult. Vette has been annoying her for a vacation for ages now, and cutting it short wasn't going to earn her any points with the small twi'lek.

He was on permanent leave.

She tries to force the thought out of her mind as she tries to retrace his steps. Tries not to remember how his hands had guided hers to the controls, to stay in the hyperlane. What all the colored buttons did and their odd functions. A learning process she'd had to cut short.

She's afraid he's going to walk through those doors again, appear out of the shadows. She's afraid if that happens, she won't be able to say no again.

"Tri'ama please, be reasonable!"

Unclipping her respirator from around her jaw, she tries to slow her increasing heart rate, focusing on anything but him. The cool waters of Manaan, as it tried to drown her. The strange teechnology, the even stranger Selkath the Barsen'thor had been able to understand.

"You know I'd do anything for you!"

It's too hot. But then it's too cold as she takes her hands off the controls once she manages to get the Fury into hyperspace en route to Dromound Kaas. It's too much to be in here, alone. Alone with her thoughts, alone with her fears. Terrified he will eventually finish his mission. Terrified the shadows hide more than her nightmares.

"I still love you."

Almost feeling his warm breath against her neck, she panics, lashing out with her saber before finding her Talz comrade behind her chair instead, his fur just barely brushing her exposed skin and one part near his chest nearly being singed off by her buzzing red blade. Putting her head down, she can't even get out a string of apologies, though they flood her mind as she grimaces, disigniting her saber. Unable to even rehang it on her belt, it clatters to the floor out of her shaky hands.

"Don't leave me like this."

"Stars, Broonmark. I'm sorry, are you alright?" she asks, threading a hand through her hair as she tries to avoid all four eyes that are surely trained on her by the Talz. "It wasn't intentional, I didn't know you were there."

He doesn't answer, no half sentence worth of grunts, but instead puts a slightly rough hand on her shoulder. Without even a word on her end, he pulls her in closer to him. For once, she feels a small shred of safety, knowing Broonmark never did have any ulterior motives for her. For once, it's just her and her protector.

"Tri'ama, please. You've loved me for years, and this is how it ends?" He asks, quiet as he tries his best to seem strong.  His face betrays him, his force signature even more. His mind is crying out for her, regret at the forefront of his mind, then sadness. It's too much, even though the words hang in between them, she bunches the cloth lounge clothes in her hands, trying to stay focused, "Am I not playing my part right? Is this the problem?"

"No, Malavai-Quinn. Your part was played, correctly. I-I can't do this anymore, Quinn." She says, trying to motion to everything, them, their relationship. All of it. Nothing she can say can even encompass what she's feeling at this very moment. How she feels about him, how her trust is about to snap, given this goes any further than it already has. It's too much, "I'll put it bluntly, I don't trust you."

"You...you said you were over that" He says, his face falling further into his melancholy, "You said you were willing to put that behind us. In favor of a new beginning."

"Every time I look into the shadows, you're there. I'm terrified to be alone with you these days, Quinn. It's too much for me. I can't continue to pretend everything is okay for the sake of a relationship that should've never been!" Her voice raises, words come tumbling out that she was never supposed to say. He's taken aback by the realization, before quipping back himself.

"You're scared of me. You're scared of something that happened years ago that I promised would never happen again." He's getting uncomfortably close to her again, enough to smell the cologne that seems to never truly get washed out of his clothes-or him. It stings her nose as she begins to get too hot, her heart rate just too fast. As she always is as she prods at his mind to go to sleep before she slips out of their bed to sleep in the crew quarters until morning. He tries to hug her, wrapping his arms around her before she can tell him to stop. Everything is too much, she can't even begin to process, to rationalize.

Quinn is entirely too close.

Quinn needs to get off her, now.

"Get. Off. Of. Me." She growls, almost using the force to get him away from her as her breathing grows faster and faster. What if he's hiding a knife somewhere in that jacket of his, waiting to strike as soon as she stops focusing on this, as soon as she turns her back? Waiting for her guard to drop to finally land the kill?

Baras is dead.

But her fear isn't. What happened on the transponder station wasn't easily forgotten, she doubted she would ever truly be able to accept that. Be able to accept that what happened wouldn't happen again. The one person she let into her heart, let know everything about her. Laughed with, cried with, made love with.

Betrayed.

Yes, it had been two and a half years. But every turn, he could be hiding in the shadows. He could be lying in wait everytime she crawled into bed with him. She's scared. That she couldn't say no before until she confided in Vette. And the way his desperate icy blue eyes bore into her, she's afraid she won't be able to go through with it.

The rubat crystal adorned ring still gleams in the light of their room. She uses the force to open the door before delicately pulling off the band, taking his hand one last time and putting it in his palm, closing his fingers over it. Looking up at him, she retracts her hand from his and tries not to let her watery eyes get the best of her. "Just go, Quinn. I'm sorry, but I can't."

Something finally breaks in him, his sad eyes turning into orbs of acceptance. He turns, leaving their shared room and she finally realeases a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Her finger feels...lighter, but her heart so much heavier now. Tears well up in her eyes as her surroundings blur.

It's too much.

"Business before pleasure, my lord. I've heard these liasions rarely last."

It's all too much.

Now, she isn't sure what to feel anymore as she tries not to cry into the surely bloodstained fur of her companion. Quinn's name still makes her feel a tinge of anxiety, as a shiver runs down her spine. Is that why she'd flirted with Theron? Because it made her feel better with something she couldn't have? That was what had lead her into this mess in the first place, playing with fire when she knew it wouldn't last.

Theron was nothing like Quinn, not nearly as uptight, but just as infuriating when trying to flirt with him. Maybe...maybe if she could just get past this fear of anyone, anyone to let into her heart again.

If it didn't bother her so much, leaving her mind open for the Barsen'thor to work together with her. Afraid that now that Theron knew her intentions, that he'd use it against her in the future.

But she doesn't want to let go.

[veridium]

I was delighted to be commissioned by my dear friend, @dickeybbqpit to write for her amazing OC Karaas and Josephine. They are one of my favorite pairings in all of the fandom, and I really broke a sweat hoping I captured him and his love of Josephine well. Thank you so much for the commission, friend!

CW: Sobriety issues, nightmares

Rating: PG

--

The dreams are like places on the way to a last destination that never comes to pass. Every week, a new wandering. Such is the life of a Saarebas, as he had known for the majority of his life. He comes to recall them in eras: his youth, his life before the Conclave, and then, when she existed.

The first days she exists in his dreams, even in all their new wonder, pale in comparison to what it is like months after they ever first exchange amorous intentions.

This week, he has been finding her in the gardens. Somewhere temperate, warm -- tea does not go cold after being left on the table for a minute or two. Thus, it goes without saying, his mind travels far from the Frostbacks. Everything is a shade of yellow and orange with the exception of the spring time early summer greenery draping on the few trees where ivy vines have overgrown on their trunks.

The ground is washed in rose bushes and bushels of low-growing flowers. It is not a wild place; it has been nourished by hands and the hearts that animate them. He knows better than to wonder with sincerity.

He comes to a pathway carefully manicured, the soil lush beneath his boots. The grounds seem Orlesian in design, but are arid and splendorous in a way the facade of well-procured tastes do not promise. It is an honestly cultivated place, a place where you would give anything to feel safe. To trust it.

It gets all the more enticing when she comes from behind the tree, peering out at first with graceful curiosity. She’s wearing a blush pink and yellow blended dress of soft, translucent layers do not cling to her figure, but are faithful to the shape of her. Her hair is down, in voluminous black curls with strains of brown and even copper that shine in the scant light through the tree canopy she stands beneath. She’s glowing in a way that challenges the sky to up the stakes, the light cap sleeves of off her sunkissed, brown shoulders.

The dreams are getting better. They are returning to their precise details. As he draws nearer to her, he knows this in the location of moles on her skin -- the one beside her mouth that is rarely left out of these dreamed memories. But also, the one in the valley of her right collar bone. That one is a secretive inkling of who she is and how she looks that, in the lucidity of his mind, can sometimes be lost. Its existence tells him his walks here are changing.

Her grin widens as he approaches, her eyes though, her eyes stay in a constant and steady adoration.

“Mi amor,” she welcomes, hands going paired behind her waist as she leans against the tree. “You are improving.”

He glances back behind him. There is a gentle breeze caressing the roses, some withering petals weaker than others against the motions. Their subtle perfuming in the air is nothing like the smell of her skin or her hair, though they have their charms.

“You could say that,” he humors, knowing this is not a conversation to remember or make sentimental.

It seems as though she understands this, too -- even in her questionable sentience -- and she smiles wider. “How do you feel, mi amor? Is this not an enjoyable escape from what troubles you?”

“I suppose it is, in its own...extent,” he exhales with fatigue under his well-intentioned reply. Above them there is no sun which will give way to the moons. Beneath their feet there is no fertile ground to grow. Between them there is no authenticity. However, in the shape and appearance of her in the way she has come to exist in his waking life, it is no folly to wish he could give her this dream from his own mind.

While he laments in the margins of the moment, she steps away from the tree and draws nearer. Her steps are not floating, and she is not spirited in her motions. She is real, limber, and touching ground.

“You have come so close,” she says, reaching a hand out, her fingers spread with their tips towards him as if she were about to touch a glass window pane. “Have you not been counseled that steadiness is the way to rediscovering your purpose?”

So it seems.

He grins with good manners, and takes her hand into his. It is neither warm nor cold -- it conspires perfectly with the temperature under his own skin. Like a lost limb of himself.

“Do you know my name?” he asks, guiding her closer to him.

She tilts her chin, a brow furrowing. Her clever, questioning stare. They are good. “Yes, of course, mi amor. Do you?”

He chuckles bittersweetly. “Yes. Not always, but most days.”

“It is a name to remember, as is the soul it belongs to.” Names were a complicated thing for him. Names, titles, labels, definitions. Constructs of the Qunari, the man, the political power, the abilities. She knows his name, perhaps -- but which one?

Her fingers intertwine with his, the discrepancy in the size of their palms making her feel like a protected source of softness enveloped in him. In his strength, she is the core feeling.

“May I know yours, then?” he rejoins, taking her in for all that she is in this present manifestation.

She smirks. “It is as if you wish to relive our first meeting, my darling. All those months ago, at Haven. Must I also carry a quill?”

“No,” he grins, “but if it is Haven this reminds you of, I have bad news as to where we actually are.”

“You need not inform me. I know as well as you where we find ourselves.”

The branches above them sway as the wind upticks. If only there were a way to believe this and not suffer the consequences. If only he didn’t know better. Perhaps he should be happy that he does -- it has not always been thus, even in his experience and age.

She starts walking, her hand tightening its hold in his so as to encourage him to follow. He does so willingly, vigilant but softened. The come to a stone bench amidst the roses, the area where they are reds and pinks intermixed. She lets go of him only to sit, smoothing her dress underneath her seat as she takes her place. He sits beside her, even if the prospect of sitting anywhere still slightly uneases him. Being still in and of itself does.

“If it is any consolation, you look beautiful,” he offers, to which she blushes. In her way, the way she does that is so breathtaking. The kind of way when she is busy in her own thoughts and musings and he catches her off guard with adulation.

“I...hah,” she exhales, her palm pressing onto the base of her neck, “I am flattered, my Lord.” an honorific.

“It is good to see you at ease rather than distressed,” he adds, leaning forward onto his lap, his elbows going to his knees. “It...it…”

“It is relieving. Yes, that I know,” she finishes for him. He hand goes to his bicep and rests there, reassuringly. “This is what motivates you, after all. That I know for certain.”

“Yes...it is. Among other things.”

“Among other things, but largely unrivaled.”

He nods. She is right again. She is always right. Another detail effortlessly realized. As he slouches a bit more, she keeps tall and poised. Her presence though is completely focused on him, and her touch does not falter.

“It is not smart for me to confide in you, much as I wish to,” he warns after a pause where only the air around them causes noise. “The image of her makes it so easy.”

“That it does. Rest assured, Kaaras, I did not come to beckon your confidence nor encourage your vulnerability. That, I am afraid, is best reserved for your introspection.”

“Introspection for a mage is rarely a solitary thing,” he retorts, glancing at her. She grins and lifts her chin a bit, looking out to the garden surrounding them.

“You remember what flowers I like best?” she diverts.

“Yes, though it changes at times.”

She chuckles warmly. “That is not true!” it grows into a laugh, “Agh, you think me so fickle?”

“I do not think you fickle as much as...appreciative, of good things.” He smiles, because he cannot help it. Her giggle, any trace reminiscent of her joy gets to them in ways other senses do not. “Today it must be these.”

“Perhaps.” She teases him, but never exhaustively. Just enough to capture his imagination.

“And is this what I am to receive tonight? Only this, nothing else?” there is a subtle urgency in his inquiry, one which she receives with compassion.

“I cannot alone say, mi amor. Might I suggest that, for the time you do have here, you enjoy it?”

“You know that has its limits.”

She sighs, her hold on his arm adding slight pressure. “You might be correct, my darling, but that does not mean you cannot make a different choice when well-informed. Sobering life can yield intemperate escapes.”

He sits up, tilting his knees and lap in her direction. For a second time, he takes her hand into his, and holds it on his thigh. She watches him attentively, her hair gathered mostly onto one shoulder.

“You have been many things to me,” he admires, peering down at her hand in both of his, “and I know that tonight, you are as you most always have been. For that, I thank you.”

Her eyes soften, and she bows her head. All the while he can’t help but say thanks in his thoughts. Thanks that he gets to see her -- who she is, for all that she is -- in his waking life. That this is not the dream someone has when they wish to see a person lost to them, one more time, to the accomodation of the spirit world.

She has been many things to him, many nights. Sometimes benevolent, sometimes distorted. Desperate, even. Hope, compassion, love. Tonight, it is purpose. Purpose like how he first knew her.

She presses her palm to the side of his face, and leans into him. “You are so close, my darling. Do not waver.”

“I won’t. You have my word. She...she has my word.”

She smiles, and breaks from him. Standing up she is barely taller than him as he stays seated. Whether or not that is a true-to-form thing is beyond his care. She is walking away without him. Maybe she wishes to enjoy the garden, to bask in the daylight. Or she wishes to leave and return as something else. Whatever it is, he knows better than to sit and ponder.

He rises to his feet as well, but nothing else transpires. Instead, he awakens in the world. His chest is heaving, his skin clinging to the bed linens thanks to the layer of sweat he has developed in his slumber.

But it is not as much as it has been, nor is he as breathless as he could be.

Facing up towards the ceiling, he knows the etches and imperfections in the stone. Skyhold. The cold dances on his exposed skin, colliding to chill him. He looks to his right and sees her -- her -- and she is sleeping soundly. None the worse for wear. She isn’t helping him to wake up, or begging him to believe it’s a nightmare. Asleep. All this time, all this tribulation, and he does not have to worry about putting her back to sleep at the expense of his own fears. He pulls her in, only by her shoulders and waist, and eases back down in his own particular way.

The night is still young. Perhaps she is dreaming, too.