#i wonder if i subconsciously put myself into situations that will hurt me or get me sick??? i’m sick all the time…

[johndonneswife]

shoutout to electrolyte packet(s) + pho for saving my life

[pakunod-a]

Abstained.

A/N: a repost from my old blog (@ayayabaroque) with a few tiny revisions, based on Kung 'Di Rin Lang Ikaw and Sa Ngalan Ng Pag-Ibig, both by December Avenue <3 Warnings: Sumeru Archon Quest spoilers, (Use of Scaramouche's real/given name) horrible English </3

If you aren’t the reason to love, would I stop my heart from getting hurt?

Kunikuzushi was beyond saving, he was impossible to love. His own creator abandoned him, his only friends left him, and being faced with his own immortality, he knows that you’ll leave him too.

You believe that though your flaws of mortality remain, you would do your best to stay by his side for eternity.

But as he drifts of into the company of another, a scholar by the name of Haypasia, you question if he is worth the trouble of loving.

“Scaramouche, it’s been only 2 days after your most recent visit to Haypasia, would it be possible to ask you of one thing?”

He merely scoffs, dismissing the idea of resting, if it meant showing affection to his most devoted follower.

It is a true wonder you haven’t left him yet, despite how inconsiderate he is towards your personal feelings.

If it isn’t you, then it won’t be at all, I won’t hope for us anymore.

The Doctor offered you revenge, wealth, and power, all you had to do was to betray Kunikuzushi.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to put him in a much more dire situation, thus you decline.

Yet do you truly feel this way about him?

“You never truly cared for me, Haypasia has been showing her dedication and devotion to me ever since she made contact with her new-found God.” 

Scaramouche seethes, venom spilling from his mouth

“If I were you, I’d do exactly as Haypasia, in hopes to win over my companion again.”

I’m shivering and I can’t move, my heart can’t force myself to love you anymore.

It proves true that the snow-ridden land of Snezhnaya is not suit to your tastes,

but if it means staying as far away as humanly possible from Scaramouche, you’d go through whatever length to ensure his happiness.

For Haypasia's happiness too, yet not yours.

If the frostbite and cold doesn’t take you, then may the fake god abrew in Sumeru take your life.

You once believed that you would take any step toward a brighter future for you and Kunikuzushi, but it seems near impossible to achieve that, if he is in the glory of another.

Do you truly love him now?

If it won’t be us in the end, I’ll stop myself from loving someone else.

“I vow to stay by your side for eternity, let the damned wake, and let the souls who mourn, do so with agony. I will shield you from the world and all it’s cruelty.” —yet you, who makes such sacrilegious promises, only to succumb to sheer cold, and a slight pang of jealousy toward his “first” follower.

If you couldn’t love another, you might as well die with the vows you’ve made to each other.

That way, when he succeeds in entering godhood, he won’t remember you anymore.

But if I don’t remember who we were, who’ll cry in the morn for us?

Before setting foot into Sumeru, you haven’t even heard of Irminsul.

Much less known that Irminsul contains the memories of everyone, which holds little to no regard from Scaramouche, until he caught wind of what recently happened after his downfall.

“They have been pronounced dead. I believe you have no use for them anyway, since Haypasia is your one and only follower, am I correct?”

Il Dottore, 2nd of the Harbingers, announcing your death to the former Harbinger has his mouth agape and speechless.

He descended into madness, believing that it was all his fault, his status, his arrogance, and his vile nature that caused your death.

Shortly after his defeat, he was assigned to carry out a task for Lesser Lord Kusanali and the Traveler.

Enter Irminsul and attempt to find more information on the Descenders of Teyvat. In his subconscious, his new-found information on the erasure of existence from the Traveler has his full attention. Perhaps, if he never met you, if he never tainted his self-image, you could live happily together with him in his next life. With the knowledge of Irminsul, he begins infiltrating its memories in hopes to have his soul reborn into your arms again. I’m letting go, since I can’t move anymore. But would I stop your heart to yearn for another? He succeeded in erasing The Balladeer’s existence of this world, but it was in vain. You couldn’t hang on to the tiny bit of life you have anymore, and withered away from his grasp. In all the years of his life, he has never experienced such grief in his life. His mind, though hazy, tries to cling on to what little memory he has of you in the back of his mind. Kunikuzushi was impressed to say the least, you really did love him, even if he wouldn’t love you anymore. At the cost of the recognition as a God, the price would be his only source of hope and warmth. “Until the end of our time,  until our hearts feel nothing anymore, even if forever ends, I’ll wait for you in the name of love.” - A/N: i wish that i too, can be erased by irminsul. that sucks. Stay safe, keep yourself hydrated, and continue on treading your path in life, with hopes of success. Believe in yourself, and stay positive. <3 -1, Yuan

[ayayabaroque]

Abstained.

Okay. I’ve been reading way too much angst, and I’ve been listening to breakup songs for only God knows how long. CW: Angst, Use of Scara’s real name, Sumeru archon quest spoilers, i want someone to die so one of you has to go. Heavily inspired by Kung ‘Di Rin Lang Ikaw ‘nd Sa Ngalan Ng Pag-ibig and some of the bold sentences are rough translations of the lyrics, since I don’t know the accurate translations.

If you aren’t the reason to love, would I stop my heart from getting hurt?

Kunikuzushi was beyond saving, he was impossible to love. His own creator abandoned him, his only friends left him, and being faced with his own immortality, he knows that you’ll leave him too.

You believe that through your flaws of mortality, you would do you best to stay by his side for eternity.

But as he drifts of into the company of another, a scholar by the name of Haypasia, you question if he is worth the trouble of loving.

“Scaramouche, it’s been only 2 days after your most recent visit to Haypasia, would it be possible to ask of you one thing?”

He merely scoffs, dismissing the idea of resting, if it meant showing affection to his most devoted follower.

It is a true wonder you haven’t left him yet, despite how inconsiderate he is towards your personal feelings.

If it isn’t you, then it won’t be at all, I won’t hope for us anymore.

The Doctor offered you revenge, wealth, and power, all you had to do was to betray Kunikuzushi.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to put him in a much more dire situation, thus you decline.

Yet do you truly feel this way about him?

“You never truly cared for me, Haypasia has been showing her dedication and devotion to me ever since she made contact with her new-found God.” 

Scaramouche seethes, venom spilling from his mouth

“If I were you, I’d do exactly as Haypasia, in hopes to win over my lover again.”

I’m shivering and I can’t move, my heart can’t force myself to love you anymore.

It proves true that the snow-lain land of Snezhnaya is not suit to your tastes,

but if it means staying as far away as humanly possible from Scaramouche, you’d go through whatever length to ensure his happiness.

To that of Haypasia, and not you.

If the frostbite and cold doesn’t take you, then may the fake god abrew in Sumeru take your life.

You once believed that you would take any step toward a brighter future for you and Kunikuzushi, but it seems near impossible to achieve that, if he is in the glory of another.

Do you truly love him now?

If it won’t be us in the end, I’ll stop myself from loving someone else.

“I vow to stay by your side for eternity, let the damned wake, and let the souls who mourn, do so with agony. I will shield you from the world and all it’s cruelty.” —yet you, who makes such sacrilegious promises, only to succumb to sheer cold, and a slight pang of jealousy toward his “first” follower.

If you couldn’t love another, you might as well die with the vows you’ve made to each other.

That way, when he succeeds in entering godhood, he won’t remember you anymore.

But if I don’t remember who we were, who’ll cry in the morn for us?

Before setting foot into Sumeru, you haven’t even heard of Irminsul.

Much less known that Irminsul contains the memories of everyone, which holds little to no regard from Scaramouche, until he caught wind of what recently happened after his downfall.

“[First], pronounced dead. I believe you have no use for them anyway, since Haypasia is your one and only follower, am I correct?”

Il Dottore, 2nd of the Harbingers, announcing your death to the former Harbinger has his mouth agape and speechless.

He believes that it is all his fault, his status, his arrogance, and his vile nature that caused your death.

Shortly after his defeat, he was assigned to carry out a task for Lesser Lord Kusanali and the Traveler.

Enter Irminsul and attempt to find more information on the Descenders of Teyvat. In his subconscious, his new-found information on the erasure of existence from the Traveler has his full attention. Perhaps, if he never met you, if he never tainted his self-image, you could live happily together with him in his next life. With the knowledge of Irminsul, he begins infiltrating its memories in hopes to have his soul reborn into your arms again. I’m letting go, since I can’t move anymore. But would I stop your heart to yearn for another? He succeeded in erasing The Balladeer’s existence of this world, but it was in vain. You couldn’t hang on to the tiny bit of life you have anymore, and withered away from his grasp. In all the years of his life, he has never experienced such grief in his life. His mind though hazy, tries to cling on to what little memory he has of you in the back of his mind. Kunikuzushi was impressed to say the least, you really did love him, even if he wouldn’t love you anymore. At the cost of the recognition as a God, the price would be his only source of hope and warmth. “Until our end of time,  until our hearts feel nothing anymore, even if forever ends, I’ll wait for you, in the name of love.”

ngl i still dont understand how to post on tumblr and the last post i have is march ‘22 ang sarap siguro ng feeling na mahal na mahal ka nya tapos gagawin nya ang lahat para sayo, dwow👍

[camlannpod]

hi I’m the person who asked about character creation advice in the listen along stream. My internet went funny so sorry I couldn’t specify on stream!

I meant characters in general! I really want to get into writing stories (books, podcasts, film, I haven’t really decided yet) but I’m struggling a bit with fleshing out my characters and I often feel like they’re all kind of the same person.

I really love the characters in Camlann so advice would be great!

Hi hello! Thank you so much for joining us for the stream, I'm sorry for your internet difficulties!!

Hm, this is an interesting and tricky question which I want to preface with a quick disclaimer:

Everyone writes differently. There's no one correct way to write, and whilst there are tool sthat you can use for writing - just like there are tools in visual art and music, learning which tools you want to use and how you want to use them is, I think, a big part of learning how to write well and in a way that's enjoyable for you.

This said! People often make jokes / comments about 'plotters vs pantsers' or 'architects vs gardeners'. A lot of writers fall into one of two categories - meticulously plotting detail before writing, or just kind of going with the flow. I personally am very much in the latter category, so I'm afraid I don't have a lot of specific tools or exercises I can give you.

This said, I'm going to do my best. Ursula K Le Guin is, in my opinion, one of the best writers of the 20th century, and she writes a lot of wonderful essays about the imagination and writing which I find really inspiring. I'm paraphrasing because I can't find the quote, but she once said something along the lines of: "If I can't close my eyes and have a conversation with a character, then I'm not ready to write their story yet."

That's a lot how I feel about writing characters. Some of it is conscious. I identify traits - flaws, strengths, quirks - in myself and others, and I give them to my characters. Dai is hyperactive and excitable because I'm hyperactive and excitable. Perry infodumps because I infodump. Morgan is stressed and protective because I am both of those things. But they also all have elements I don't have - Morgan is a lot more understated and pragmatic than I am. Dai is much more confident and reckless. Perry is significantly more organised and self-disciplined.

As a rule, I personally find it best to avoid ever trying to write 1 for 1 either yourself or a friend into a character. That way lies hurt feelings and honestly an inability to see them clearly, because it's very hard to see yourself objectively. Instead, I think of it like putting puzzle pieces together, or a patchwork quilt, or planting seeds. People often say good writers are good eavesdroppers. Phrases that people say on the tram stick with me. Strangers in shops. People dancing. Expressions and ways of speaking that filter through to characters I write.

Once I've identified a small handful of key pieces, I leave them to grow in my subconscious. This normally takes a few months. It's like...moulding a piece of wet clay for a few hours - ok, I don't want them to be X, I do need them to do Y - and once you've got roughly what you want in the right places, putting it in the kiln that is your mind and letting it cook. I just...think about my characters a lot - daydream about them, imagine them in different situations etc. Once I feel they've had enough time to settle, I start writing.

I honestly find one of the best ways to get to know a character is just writing them. For me that always feels like a conversation. And not just writing - editing and rewriting and rewriting - learning what they would or wouldn't say, thinking about how they'd react in different situations etc. There are...minimum 7 drafts of the Camlann scripts? I got to know the gang better just because I spent a lot of time with them.

Finally, for audio specifically, always always read your scripts aloud! If you can, rope in a friend or two. The way people speak out loud and the way they speak in our heads when we're reading is very different. Something that's incredibly moving in prose can feel awkward and stilted in audio. So read it out loud - start getting a sense of your character's vernacular. Do they say 'don't' or 'do not'? Do they swear? Do they use slang? Are they flirty, shy? I always find that my characters start coming to life when I can hear their voices. If I can hear them speaking to me, they're ready to be written.

This is all a little wibbly wobbly, and very personal to me, but I hope it at least helps you think about how you want to write. Good luck, and have fun!

[the-backup-protocol]

tmagp 22 ep thoughts. again putting these down for myself but you guys get to read it too haha

spoilers under the cut!

Lena definitely cares for Gwen. It's pretty obvious that she's doing this to forcefully keep her safe. I think her assessment is also like..pretty fair from her pov since Gwen really is not doing great with the horrors (love u gwen you're doing your best with a scary dangerous situation) and she'd really just get herself hurt further.

Gwen could grow and get rlly good at surviving still ofc (you need Experience for that after all) but Lena wants the excuse to not have her be IN that position anymore.

The statement itself was really interesting, and I'm thinking that dark ocean of secret knowledge is an interesting visual (side note, while i dont think the Deep is supposed to be knowledge related... it's reminiscent in my head for some reason and made me think of it. probably the imagery tho) and possible nice comparison to Jon's "it's like there's a door in my mind" ocean of Eye Knowledge tm. Just interesting.

I do wonder who wanted out of a) the guys head or b) the wires/the equipment. Is it a general entity Of wires technology current etc that we have tamed with the advent of electricity? Is it the consciousness of the guy, or even the subconscious? Is it other people who have been ushanka'd and thus can be across anything electric, like an amalgamation of souls? The silver in the wires is obviously important as well as the split consciousness, but...

I know the obvious narrative that, im my opinion, freddie is trying to paint is that they (jmj, supposedly) need out and they're using the transcript to speak that fact. As they have been, in theory, using the casements to speak to tbe team from the start. But in the actual situation, mr. Schmidt's case still resulted in those words, so who?

Side note, I still don't think JMJ are actually in the puters. I think Freddie is puppeting their voices still. But then again... there is some consciousness there. Sam did get an email from Jon. And then you have to wonder, when does a puppet mimicking consciousness actually gain it, if so?

I think they might be taking us on a very interesting route about identity and such. The "some of him" from episode one seems to hint at, well, at least some of jmj still being in there if it isn't only a red herring. On the other hand... I still don't think Jonny and Alex lied to us that their fate stays ambiguous either? It'd make no sense to.

I also don't think Celia knows what's going on fully. I think she is tma Celia but the reason she brings up their names is _She_ might think they're in there regardless of it being the case, because she recognizes their voices immediately.

But maybe I will be proven wrong in a few weeks and it was never a red herring after all, and what Jonny and Alex meant is that it could he a different universe version jmart and jonah.

Who knows! We have the multiverse fully established.

Also Alice and Sam's argument :( The beloveds are fighting. I guess it makes sense why they didn't work out. I wonder what Alice was supposedly controlling about before, and what truly happened. I can't wait until we know.

That's my thoughts, though. If anyone does have a good theory about who was wanting out innthe casement put it below??? I scour the tags but they're exploding right now ahahaha.

Can't wait til next week. Thanks for reading!

[kyofsonder]

Find the Word 2

I’ve been tagged by several people recently to find select sets of words in my WIPs, and this time I’m not combining them since those posts tend to get a little too long. For this post, I’ll find some words that @aohendo chose for me. Thank you for the tag, for your patience waiting for me to respond, and for the chance to keep playing my favorite game!

My Words: reflect, reach, raise, rely, rampant

I’ll Tag: @on-noon, @perasperaadastrawriting, @maybenow22, @inkovert, @inkspellangel, and as always anyone who wants to join in can use the following words and say I tagged them!

Your Words: stable, shift, reflex, start, influence

As always, I’ll put the excerpts themselves below the cut for readability. 

I found reflect(ed) in my Danny Phantom fanfic “Lingering Scars”:

"It's not just Vlad, either! Every time we fight together, someone else finishes the fight! Strong core? Stability? None of that even comes up! I only have fewer injuries than you because I've already been pulled out of the fight by the time things get serious! I'm always being protected, so of course I'm not getting hurt! Ever! You always keep me safe in dangerous situations!" Dani's eyes flash green, her palms glowing with an energy she immediately snuffs out as soon as she catches it in her peripheral vision. The growl he's been feeling in his own chest and throat echoes under her voice now, like the anxious rumblings of some kind of juvenile big cat -- something large and angry, but not yet grown into its size or its rage.

"Okay! Alright! You're mad! But you're in a house of ghost hunters who would shoot on sight if they caught you in my room, so keep it down!" Danny whisper-shouts back at her, that same growl reflected back at his little sister to drive his point home. It doesn't work. 

I found reach in several of my WIPs, including my short story “Kiyo”:

My sleep comes with dreams. I'm not the type to dream often, but I usually know when it's happening. I get the feeling that something is off. Shifted. Tilted diagonally, just a little. I can feel that now, in an apartment without Kiyo. I go over to her usual spot, wondering what kind of subconscious-fueled nonsense I'll see in her place. A black hole that eats everything that gets close, maybe. A well, full of water I won't be giving to my roommate at dinner time anymore. I drag my feet all the way there, somehow knowing that the dream won't let me do anything else until I've seen whatever it is for myself. When I finally get there, I don't see a black hole or a symbolic well or even an empty plant pot. I see a note, too small to have possibly been printed through a regular printer but too neat and uniform to possibly be handwritten. I don't need the dream to prompt me here. I just reach for the note on my own.

I found variations of raise (raised, raises, etc.) in almost all of my WIPs, including my novel “Apricots”:

"Alright. Okay. I'll say the thing. I... give me a second, it feels weird to say something like that so suddenly," he laughs under his breath, the sound a mask to hide his doubts about this whole situation, then straightens his spine and mimics the expression that Noah had made when he'd said the line initially, "'I walk in the direction of truth.'"

"Thank you," his friend sounds so relieved, it takes Ian a second to notice that there's something on his wrist that wasn't there before. Noah's own hands are raised on either side of his head, almost like he's apologizing. He takes a step back from Ian, who takes a step toward him to close the distance and instantly regrets acting on reflex. His leg jerks when it doesn't connect with the ground, his whole body lurching forward as his stomach tries to drop out of his abdomen. The sensation makes him dizzy, everything spinning so violently that he has to shut his eyes. All he knows is the sensation of falling, without ever landing.

I found rely in my novel WIP “To Be Honest”:

In fact, he'd prefer to avoid today's meeting altogether if he could. Keep studying on his own. Repeating the steps exactly as he reads them in his textbooks. Figuring things out without any outside input. Getting it wrong. Getting stuck. Having to retrace his steps and start the same spell over again. And again. And again. If he keeps going at this pace, he won't even pass the basic refresher course on bloodline spellcasting until he's cleared every other class Dawnriver has to offer. He'll never graduate. Never become Centerpoint. Never be in a position to actually negotiate on equal footing and get his answers. He can't afford to rely on himself alone this time. As much as he hates doing it, and as bad of an idea as it is to go when he hasn't had time to prepare, Micah needs a tutor. He needs help.

I didn’t find rampant, so here’s a fun fact related to the previous excerpt:

I’ve mentioned it before, but Micah is a Bloodline Witch. This means his magic is inherited as a natural-born ability. Having this type of magic also means he can be called a Circle Witch. The title of Circle Witch refers to the circles of influence in which these magical bloodlines operate. Every family that mutates the ability to use magic will also have branch families, allied neighbors, and magic users they're on friendly terms with or have authority over in some capacity. It's similar to an ecosystem, where every animal living in a tree has its own role to play and offers something to the tree but would be vulnerable without the tree's protection. The Renner family is the tree for branch families like the Ritters, and allies like the Path family of werewolves. Within every core bloodline like the Renners, every sheltering tree, there’s one individual who holds the most power and influence over everyone else in the bloodline and its extended Circle. This individual is called the Centerpoint, the core of the core of a family’s Circle. In the canon of "To Be Honest," the Centerpoint of the Renner family is going to step down in a few years. Anticipating this, Micah and his two cousins are all in training to take a test that might just earn them that coveted position within their family and its larger Circle. By the end of the story, one of them will become the new Renner Centerpoint. 

I’m not entirely sure that fun fact made sense when shared on its own, but it’s something I’ve been meaning to clarify since the on-page revelation of Centerpoints and Circles in TBH unfolds somewhat slowly. Thank you again for the tag, it was fun to find these words!

[nusrattalks]

Untitled Shit from 28 Feb, ‘23; 1:12pm

Why is it so hard for us to show up with compassion and grace for ourselves?  Is the difficulty we feel in showing up as such a reflection as to why we struggle to show up the same way for others? 

What about those who so effortlessly show up with love and grace for others but struggle when it comes to themselves? 

What is even the point I’m trying to make? Who knows. I don’t. 

Who decided 31 is ‘too old’ to be finding and/or pursuing my calling? And if noone decided it, how did it get to my head? Ok fuck that last question because I can at any given time list atleast 20 ways that programming got into my subconscious. 

But however it happened, it happened. 

And so here I am at 31: clueless and despondent on most days recently. Trying to figure out what the fuck to do with the law degree I have, how to build from the ground up in a brand new country with my husband, how to keep helping my parents grow the family business, while wondering why the fuck I didn’t fight hard enough to pursue what my heart wanted to since I learnt how to speak the heart’s language. 

And most importantly, even now being in the position of knowing better and thus able to do better, where does this hesitation to speak MY truth and MY mind come from/continue?

Why does my voice shake and my inner child get scared shitless sometimes? 

What’s stopping me from telling ANYONE and EVERYONE who tries to push the notion of ‘law should be your only concern’ to BACK OFF and LEAVE ME ALONE? 

What’s stopping me from making obligatory calls and visits to certain individuals, out of a sense of ‘Nusrat the good girl is expected to do so and so she must?’

What holds me back from typing the exact words I want and causes me to edit and sugar coat so as not to hurt feelings? 

Why do I find myself so often wishing I’d made my discomfort clear and didn’t stand by ALLOWING someone to make me feel like shit, by violating my boundaries and MY truth? 

Why do I refrain from wearing certain clothes when in Dhaka? 

Why do I stay in uncomfortable situations even when my body and soul and mind is screaming at me to get the fuck out? 

WHAT THE FUCK is keeping me from taking Nusrattalks on facebook? What are the fears driving that indecision?

The answer is so clear: people pleasing tendencies. 

It’s something I had as a kid. And then growing up, it showed up as co-dependency in the relationships I had. 

Something I worked so hard to get rid of, especially after the end of my last relationship before my husband. 

And somehow, I fell back into it. Right after I got married. 

The meshing of two worlds, the introduction to new relations and dynamics mirrored to me where I needed to put in more work to ensure my self-love was the strong foundation my life kept building on. 

But I slipped. And that’s what happens when we throw discipline and routines and rituals out the window. 

Suddenly, the priority was making sure the new boat I found myself on doesn’t rock. It seemed harmless. What’s missing a few days of routine that ensured I cultivated a practice of staying true to my authentic self? 

Throw in the toxic, patriarchal AF south-asian culture we live in, where everyone is very well conditioned to help women forget their identities. 

And just like that, I was back on not being on my own priority list. 

Fuck anyone who downplays the need for discipline and routine in our daily lives. Seriously. Tell them to fuck off. 

Building a strong foundation of self- love, self-confidence, and self- respect doesn’t just birth or sustain itself; especially when so many of us are conditioned to believing since birth that self-love is selfish and people-pleasing is selfless.

It requires strong discipline and routine. On the daily. 

Otherwise, you might find yourself sitting at a cafe, at 1pm on weekday, writing about where the fuck you lost the plot. 

Good news? As a conscious creator, I KNOW everyone and everything is simply mirroring me back. 

It’s all showing me where I need to put in work. 

I don’t know for sure but maybe all the shit show I have been rambling on about is an indication to prioritise myself now above everyone and everything else; to start rebuilding my foundations of self-love with discipline and integrity; to say NO when I want to say NO and YES when I want to say YES. 

There is so much resentment inside me. Followed by guilt and shame for having resentment. Followed by more fucking guilt for the guilt. And it goes on and on. 

To the point where I hardly am opening up space for love and joy and peace and happiness.

Like, picture a room full of the most unnecessary clutter but its the only room you have to sleep in and you need a fucking bed and you have the money for the fucking bed but you’re driving yourself NUTS about how to get the bed in when the answer is simple: get the clutter out. 

But you’re not taking the steps to get the clutter out. Because as far as you’re concerned, you don’t see any way of getting the bed in.

Does that make sense? I don’t care if it doesn’t. Just saying. 

I watch my husband and sisters and friends earn such great money and have the luxury of spoiling their loved ones. I look at them and wonder if I’ll ever get there. If i’ll ever get to say ‘hey i’m taking you all on an all expenses paid trip, my treat!’ to those i love. 

Actually, I know theres every chance I’ll get there. But right now, this is a pity party, from me, to me, for me. 

I don’t even know if someone will ever read this. 

But if you do, firstly, thank you for making it to this far.

Secondly, I’m sure there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Just not right now. And that’s ok I guess. 

[thehomeofduck]

Curse of the Fold | Chapter 9

Rating: Explicit (Violence, Sexual Content) Pairing: Daryl/Buck, M/M, Canon/OC

Wattpad || AO3 [Masterlist] || [Prev] || [Next]

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We all froze, hearing the faint sound of a gunshot.

Rick looked towards Maggie, “Go.” 

“The fence is more important.” She brought the axe down on another piece of wood.

“I got this.”

I looked between the two of them, “I can go.” I could see the worried look on their faces, all of us wondering what was going on.

“Go. And don’t get anyone killed.” She glared. Definitely a threat. 

I wasted no time running up into the prison courtyard, pulling my revolver from his holster. I heard another gunshot as I made my way closer to the commotion, knowing it had to be from quarantine; the most likely spot for a walker to turn up. 

I ran up to the windowed doors and peeked inside. It was too dark to see anything, but I could hear screams inside. 

“Dad?” I heard a yelling from behind me, turning I saw Maggie. Holding one of the axes, she pushed past me, quickly bringing the axe down on the lock of the door. 

“Shit!” she called out, pulling at it. The axe was stuck in the door. I grabbed onto the handle, pulling hard and causing the wood to break. I dropped the handle, running back down one of the halls while Maggie quickly followed. 

We came to the interrogation room; on the other side of that glass was a way in. I raised my gun and pulled the trigger. The glass shattered, falling to the ground in tiny pieces. 

"Go help Rick. I can handle it." She commanded. I didn't argue, giving her a hopeful look before turning again. I didn't realize the pain in my ankle till now. Right, I hurt myself earlier. No wonder she came back. I tried to find my way back out as quick as I could, hearing faint gunshots from outside.

When I left the building, I could see countless walkers lined up in the inner fencing, coming out through a small gap. Rick and Carl were lined up with assault rifles, shooting every one that came close.

I followed down, using my revolver to help shoot a few as I came close enough.

Rick turned to me for a brief moment, seeing who I was. "What happened?!" He shouted over the sound of gunfire.

I looked towards a barrel full of guns, grabbing one and loading it with the ammo nearby. "Walkers got out of the cell. Maggie's got it handled." I reassured, raising the gun to shoot some walkers near the back.

It felt like it went on forever, a never ending horde of walkers. But it really grew less and less. We weren't shooting as much and soon they were all down. I didn't realize how heavy I was breathing until I felt Rick's hand on my shoulder, snapping me out of it. I subconsciously closed my mouth, keeping my breathing steady.

"I think we got them all. We should go through and make sure they're dead." He patted my shoulder before resting his gun against the fence, grabbing a beam. "Watch where you step."

I nodded, putting my gun down too. The three of us walked amongst the pile of walkers, a few gurgling and groaning, some waving their arms around still. But with each stab, we grew closer to silence.

January 11th, 2011

Walkers broke through even more yesterday, got all the way to the courtyard. And a few got out in quarantine. Maggie handled inside while I helped Rick and Carl outside.

Before all of that, I had gone out to help Michonne, Daryl, Ty, Sasha and Bob. Hershel needed more supplies. I got split up from the others at first and got caught in a trap. Guess someone was setting them up in hopes of animals coming by, but I just had to be the animal in question. I think I twisted my ankle on the way down, can't put too much weight on it, doesn't help that I ran around on it after. Hopefully, it doesn't bug me for much longer.

We're gonna be moving all the bodies out to the forest to burn them. The smell is fucking horrible, but I should actually help. Feels like some don't see me as good enough to be in these heavier situations.

I looked up from where I stood, closing my journal and shoving it back into the saddlebag on Dutch. A few walkers wandered the fields outside the fence. I couldn't help but stare for a bit, recalling the previous few days that we dealt with them. I shook my head, an attempt to ward off the thoughts. Exiting the pen and walking up to the courtyard where Michonne had been putting walkers into the back of a trailer.

I walked past Rick and Carl on the way up, giving a wave to them. Carl waved back, and Rick gave a nod.

Hershel had walked up to Michonne and I could hear the distant chatter of them both. "Want to come?" She asked him.

"Hell, yeah."

I watched as she put her weapon in the back with a few bodies, looking to me. "Mind if I join?" I walked to them both.

She gave a smile. "Need some fresh air?"

"I don't know if a truck full of walkers counts as fresh air, but I'll take the chance." I chuckled. 

She gave a nod to the trailer where Hershel got into the passenger seat. She climbed into the driver's seat and I knew I'd be stuck in the back. I climbed up to sit in the back seat of the jeep, being faced with the pile of walkers in the trailer. What a sight.

It wasn't too far off that Michonne drove, far enough away where we'd be secluded and safe from any surrounding walkers. She parked at a trail where a small field was, previous piles of walkers laid out in bunches. 

I was the first to climb out, and Michonne followed.

"We'll pile them out near the others." She spoke, grabbing a walker and dragging it off the trailer, already on a head start to get them set up. I looked back at the pile below before grabbing the arm of one on top, yanking it off from the others. I grabbed its other arm and dragged it back with ease to the other that Michonne had put down. We took turns pulling them out and Hershel grabbed the gas cans.

"We'll be a second." Hershel called as I walked back to the truck with an empty gas can they used. I put it in the back and sat in my spot in the back of the jeep. It had been a bit. I heard no chatter, even though I wasn't far away. I stood back up off the jeep, walking around it to look at the pile. The other gas can lay on the ground and the two were gone.

"Hershel? Michonne?" I called out. Nothing. I heard bushes rustle behind me. Spinning around, I instinctively went for my revolver, pulling it out and pointing it at whoever stood in front of me. His gun was trained on me as well and I took in all his features, quite tall, short dark hair and most notably, an eyepatch over his right eye. 

"Well, I haven't seen you before." He spoke.

"Can say the same for you." I stood straight.

"Drop your gun." He commanded. I sighed, throwing my revolver to the side. It was a quick give in for now. The other two were gone, most likely some cause from this man. I held my arms up beside my head as he stepped closer, gun still pointed at me.

With another step closer, both my arms swung down to grab the gun from his hand. Although I didn't have it for long, his body hit mine as he tackled me to the ground. The gun slipped from my hands and landed a few feet away from us. I felt a pain hit my face and liquid run down my chin. He stood over me and grabbed my shirt collar, dragging me towards the fiery corpses. I tried kicking at his knees, and I only got another punch to the jaw. I growled, spitting the blood from my mouth onto him. He pulled me up onto my knees, grabbing my hair. I felt a singe of heat on my cheek as he shoved my head towards the flames. Taking a step on my ankle and pulling my arm up further on my back.

"Fuck fuck, okay!" I called out, my body going limp as I gave in. He loosened his grip on my arms, tying them behind my back and shoving me to the ground. I watched from the corner of my eyes as he retrieved his gun, coming back over to me and raising the butt end above my face.

I shifted, my eyes fading open. The first thing I saw was Hershel and Michonne on the other side of me. I squinted, my vision blurry as I stirred. My face fucking hurt. I winced, watching the guy from before come up to me and sit me up, although I slumped back into the wall a bit. I tried to move, but my hands were tied securely behind my back.

I heard him and Hershel begin to speak and I tried to listen as best I could.

"Governor-"

"Don't call me that."

So that's what his name was? Or at least one of his names. My vision cleared and I could see that we were in a camper. Looking to the supposed Governor.

"You say you want to take this prison as peaceful as possible." Hershel spoke. "That means you'd be willing to hurt people to get it. My daughters would be there. That's who you'd be hurting," He tried to reason with the man. "How can you threaten to kill someone else's children?"

Although I couldn't see him, I felt his presence behind me. "Because they aren't mine." He didn't speak anymore, stepping out of the camper and shutting the door.

"We can't stay here." Michonne blurted out.

"What are we supposed to do? There's probably tons of people out there and we don't even know where we are." I argued.

"We have to get out and find the others to warn them." She seethed.

Hershel hushed us both. "We're not gonna get anything done with the two of you bickering." His voice softened. "We'll find a way out of this."

It wasn't much longer, sitting in the silence before a man had stepped in, putting blindfolds over us all. We were guided out one by one and taken to a car. Everything in me wanted to fight or flee, but I knew I couldn't do either. I just followed. 

The cars drove for a while until we suddenly stopped. Doors opened and people piled out. My blindfold was ripped off of me. 

My eyes adjusted to the new found brightness, and I could only stare in disbelief. "Fuck." I muttered. We were faced right in front of the prison, several other jeeps surrounding us, and a tank in the middle. One that the Governor climbed atop of. I could see the outlines of several people lining up the sides of the cars, all carrying guns with them.

My breathing grew heavy, trying to contain my frustrated panic. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"Easy. Deep breaths." Hershel mumbled to me, taking a glance my way. I sighed, laying my head back, trying to keep myself still and my breath steady. We all jolted as we were surrounded by the sound of an explosion.

We all looked up to the courtyard in anticipation, it quickly being filled with the others as they looked below.

Seeing the bunch, the Governor so proudly called, "Rick! Come down here. We need to talk."

[eclipsednodes]

SHADOW WORK SIMPLIFIED

What is shadow work?

If I had to describe shadow work in one word, it would be introspection. Introspection is the examination of your own mental state and is necessary in order to learn more about your fundamental nature. Although it may sound off-putting and even scary at first, shadow work is a necessary component in the process of healing. We all have aspects of ourselves that we’ve rejected and hidden away out of fear. Through shadow work, we’re able to reflect on our thoughts, emotions, and habits so that we can find the root cause of our suffering and heal ourselves. By reincorporating those aspects of ourselves that we’ve denied, we feel more fulfilled and can begin to love ourselves fully. 

Where does shadow work come from? 

The concept of the shadow self comes from Carl Jung who believed that our shadow self is the subconscious aspect, or “dark side”, of our personality that our conscious ego doesn’t identify with. However, I would like to clarify that “dark” does not imply or equate with bad. That which resides outside of our consciousness can be either good or bad, but aren’t inherently reflective of our value or “goodness” as a person. 

Although these repressed aspects of ourselves can manifest negatively, it isn’t because those parts of us are “bad”, but that the process of repression is inherently painful and toxic. This is reflected by Jung when he states, "Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” He believed that until we’ve merged our conscious and subconscious selves, that our conscious would be “the slave of the autonomous shadow”. This is due to the shadow self overwhelming our conscious selves by falling victim to our own self-imposed traps. 

Through assimilating this shadow self, not over-identifying with it, Jung believed we go through the process of enantiodromia, thereby integrating the subconscious by reincorporating our shadow selves into our personality and allowing us to solidify ourselves through wholeness. He best described this by stating "assimilation of the shadow gives a man body, so to speak.” However, don’t fall into the misconception that shadow work is a short-term practice. Shadow work is a continuous practice and integration of the shadow self is a will take place throughout your life.

How do I do shadow work?

In the last question, I identified that practicing self-reflection is a key component of shadow work, but what does that mean? What am I supposed to be reflecting on? Well, the first thing that you should focus on is being present throughout the day. Identify feelings that come up throughout the day and observe them objectively. What situation or interaction triggered these emotions? How did I react to those emotions? Were my emotions controlling me or was I in control of my emotions? Why did this situation or interaction cause me to feel this way? How did I cope with those feelings (self-harming, lashing out at others, communicating my feelings, journalling, etc.)? Did I punish myself for getting upset? If so, why? 

There are numerous ways to reflect on your feelings and experiences in order to get a better understanding of yourself. Through evaluating how you react to situations, which situations upset you, and how you managed those feelings, you’re able to build the foundation to understanding your emotions and bridge the gap between your subconscious and conscious mind.

Once you’ve done this, you’ll find that the emotions you feel in the present are reflective of unhealed emotions from your past. Perhaps the reason you feel that you’re unable to set boundaries as an adult is because as a child, your parents never respected your boundaries by going through your phone or diary, yelling at you when you said no to a request, forcing you into situations that made you feel you had no choice. 

By identifying the root cause of your emotional pain, you’re able to address it in the present and heal from the trauma. The simplest way that I’ve found to address them is through journalling. You can purchase a physical journal or even use your notes app, either way, you’re writing out your feelings and reflections to gain deeper insight. It’s important to remember that this looks different for anyone and that the best way to approach shadow work is by doing what feels most natural! You can choose to stick to self-reflective journal prompts, vent about whatever is upsetting you, write letters to whoever has hurt you, etc. Ultimately, you can guide yourself based off of what you feel you need and where you are in your journey.

What parts of yourself do you find yourself rejecting the most? Many of us have experienced the pain of rejection in some aspects of our lives and sometimes, it’s incredibly painful and leaves us with long-lasting wounds. We end up going through our lives carrying baggage that we don’t even know we have! Many times, I’ve found myself wondering why I felt so repulsed by aspects of myself and why I felt so strongly that they needed to be locked away forever. I couldn’t allow myself or others to see my truest self, my whole self, out of fear. I was scared of being rejected, shamed, humiliated by the people around me. I was scared of hurting other people by being myself and of being hurt by others. That’s no way to live, is it? When we tell ourselves that aspects of ourselves aren’t good enough, we end up going through life devaluing ourself. We’ve broken our own trust by rejecting ourselves, we’ve told ourselves that we aren’t good enough or worthy of love. In shadow work, you’re called to go inward and unpack everything that we’ve kept hidden for years and sometimes even decades. 

Bring the parts of yourself that you’ve repressed to the surface and nourish them with love, allow yourself to see that ALL OF YOU is deserving of love and support. For you, that could mean unlearning your unhealthy beliefs about food or eating, allowing yourself to be emotional around the people you love (despite how much you were told that you were too emotional, a crybaby, too sensitive in the past), allowing yourself to relax without feeling guilty about not being productive because you recognize your needs (even though you feel your sense of worth is tied to being productive at the cost of your own health).

Common misconceptions about shadow work?

Shadow work is evil or bad, the shadow is evil or bad 

The purpose of shadow work is healing through working with your subconscious to release repressed aspects of yourself and heal from painful, traumatic experiences. Your shadow side is simply your unconscious and to believe that it’s bad is to believe that you are bad. It’s merely the part of yourself that you aren’t aware of consciously and shouldn’t be feared. 

Certain emotions are “bad”

When you let go of the idea that emotions are either good or bad, you’ll allow yourself to just be and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to feel “good” all of the time. Happiness isn’t a constant state of being so stop expecting to be all of the time, we have a range of emotions for a reason so stop being ashamed of them. Your feelings are natural and if you feel like they’re out of control and something to be ashamed of, there is nothing wrong with that! It’s okay to feel like your emotions are controlling you because that isn’t permanent. Your feelings aren’t permanent and are completely manageable with proper guidance! The reason you feel like your emotions are controlling you is because you probably don’t have the knowledge to cope with them in an effective and healthy way. It’s helpful to sit with your emotions alone and look at them objectively without placing any judgement on them, this will help you calm down and assess your feelings. From there, you can identify what you need to relax and recover as well as acknowledge to yourself that your feelings are natural. When you stop categorizing your emotions as bad, they’re no longer shameful to experience and therefore you can see with better clarity how to cope with them and move on.

I’ve already released it so…

Why am I still upset?

Why does it still keep popping up in my head?

Why haven’t I moved on?

Why am I not making progress?

With the rise of self development and spirituality, I find that more and more people are rushing to complete their healing. Healing is a continuous, life-long cycle and not a destination. Putting the pressure on yourself to reach the place of ultimate healing is not only toxic, but it impedes your ability to actually heal anything. Healing is about love, compassion, and patience and it’s not going to happen according to a timeline. Allow yourself the time to experience your emotions, see them objectively, forgive yourself and others and move on without the pressure of expectations. 

 Another reason that you could be experiencing this is that despite the work you think you’ve done, it hasn’t been sufficient. I’ve found that a lot of journal prompts provided online are surface level at best and can be more pacifying than revealing. If you’re not feeling anything while doing your inner work, you’re not doing it correctly. Ultimately, this is about uncovering what makes us UNCOMFORTABLE and moving through those feelings. When you allow yourself to experience the sadness, hurt, anger, and/or frustration than you’re telling yourself that these feelings are okay and don’t need to be suppressed. The reality is that no matter what you’re feeling, you are allowed to experience those emotions and it’s only human! Unfortunately, many people associate lower vibrational emotions as bad, but this is a huge misconception! Telling yourself that anger, sadness, etc. are “bad” implies that you shouldn’t experience these emotions and that you have to get rid of them which is not only wrong, but unhealthy. There is no right or wrong emotions so don’t buy into the belief that you should feel a certain way, simply allow yourself to be and you’ll find that it’s much easier to navigate your emotions and needs. The only way to make it to the other side is by wading through the water, be patient and know that you’re feeling exactly what you should be. When you stop censoring yourself, you’ll discover a newfound sense of freedom and wholeness. 

 If you find yourself circling back to certain topics, for example, your ex-boyfriend than perhaps there are triggers in your environment that remind you of the situation, you have more that needs to be addressed that you may not have been ready for or aware of previously (hence why shadow work is a practice that is ongoing), or they’re representative of a deeper issue that you’re repressing. Whatever the cause is, the same methods as earlier will apply and can be discerned through your own intuition. 

What are some basic journal prompts that I can do?

What feelings come up when you think of ____?

How did that experience make you feel emotionally? How did it make you feel about yourself? How did it make you feel about the other person or people?

Write a letter to yourself, your inner child, the people who’ve hurt you, and the people you’ve hurt. Express how you feel honestly, without holding back and then forgive yourself and the other person.

If you could say anything to yourself or another person for closure, what would it be?

How have these situations and experiences impacted your mental health? How have they affected your belief system about yourself, other people, and the world?

What about yourself are you ashamed of? What about yourself are you embarrassed of? What about yourself makes you angry? What do you regret? Why do you feel this way about yourself and where do these feelings stem from?

What makes you feel most alone? What makes you feel most loved? How can you incorporate that knowledge into your life to make it better?

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has said or done to you? Why did it hurt you so much? How does it still affect you now? How can you heal from it and allow yourself to move on?

What do you need to forgive yourself for? What do you need to forgive others for?

Where do you feel you lack security in your life? Why? How does this impact your life and your relationships?

This is a list of generic prompts for you to start with, but feel free to message me if you need help with more specific topics or I can make another post altogether for journal prompts.

[duskamethyst]

possessive.

a/n: i feel like there aren’t a lot of yandere bokuto so i decided to write it myself

word count: 2k

genre: smut, nsfw

warnings: noncon, yandere behavior, overstimulation

pairing: yan!bokuto x f!reader

summary: bokuto isn’t a fan of being the second place in receiving attention, particularly yours. bokuto hates it when you (unintentionally) ignore him, keep him out of the conversation (that doesn’t concern him in the first place) when you talk to his teammates and those seem to be the main problem of the unwanted situation you’re facing going to face. to conclude, even outside the court, bokuto craves for attention.

konoha is your assigned partner for the class assignment but it takes so much more of your time than the other’s since he’s more devoted on his volleyball practices after school than the whole thing. thus, the only time you can manage to talk to him further besides during lunch and class is during his practice.

“okay, so i’ve already finished most of my part so for your part, you’ll need to--” you begin, but only to be cut off by a shout of your name.

“hey, you didn’t even say hi to me?” bokuto runs up to where you and konoha are standing with a frown on his face.

“oh, hi, bokuto.” you smile before turning to the other male beside you. “anyway--”

“what are you guys doing?” he shifts closer, peeking the notebook you’ve been holding to show konoha your progress.

“i’ve told you before, bokuto. we’re partners for our class project!” konoha beams, patting your shoulder and pulls you closer to him in a friendly manner. “you work so fast, i feel bad though.”

bokuto glances at the hand resting on your shoulder but quickly averts his gaze to his friend, “then you better pick up the pace too, huh? so you won’t give her a hard time.”

“yeah,” konoha smiles apologetically. “hey, how about we go to the library tomorrow so we can finish the whole stuff?” you nod and smile at him, the thought that he is not entirely hopeless sends a wave of relief in you.

“can i come?!” bokuto chimes in with puppy eyes. both of you blink at him in confusion.

“nope! it’ll only be the two of us!” konoha laughs, “come on, break time’s over.” he walks away to the center of the court, pushing the sad bokuto along with him.

checking in your bag half-way home, you suddenly realize that you have left some of the materials you need to go through for the assignment tomorrow with konoha. it will be such a drag if you have to stop by school first tomorrow so you lazily walk back to your class and go through under your desk. the door of the class slides open and you turn around to see no other than bokuto.

“oh, hey.” you smile, walking towards the door. “i’m just about to head out. finished practice?”

“oh, yeah-- kinda.” he replies shortly.

“kinda?”

“i told them i wasn’t feeling really well.” he says, sliding back the door close behind him. the thought of bokuto-- this bokuto, is ill is rather absurd to you. you’ve watched him play, and there was not even a single time that this man had gotten any injuries. not even a broken finger from blocking a hard spike from the opponent. he had never even missed a match from being sick. the only time that he seemed “sick” was when he was in those mood swings and he would usually get back up on his feet. nonetheless, he is still human after all.

“you seemed fine earlier.” you exclaim, trying to get to the door but he shifts his body in front of you, blocking the door instead. when you move the left, he moves to the right, vice versa. you look up at him questioningly but you can’t really conclude the expression written on his face and it’s very unusual.

“maybe if you weren’t ogling konoha, you would’ve noticed.” he mutters lowly under his breath but loud enough for you to hear.

“what?” you shake your head. “first of all, i wasn’t. and secondly, if you haven’t noticed, you’re blocking my way.” you reply matter-of-factly, stepping to the side again before he grabs your shoulders and turns you around to pin you against the door. you look at him in horror, realizing that his build is solid and muscular up close and if he wants to hit you, you would definitely get knocked out.

“i really got sick after seeing you and konoha, you know that?” he has the same look on his face and a sly grin comes up across his face afterwards. “of course you don’t. but since we’re alone now.. i can finally have you all to myself.”

he smashes his lips onto yours, the kiss is hasty and rough, his hands begin to wander all over your body before one of them makes its way under your skirt to grab your ass. your trembling hands try to push him away but he doesn’t falter. instead, his grip goes harder.

“don’t even try to resist me.” he warns as his sharp teeth starts to nip on the delicate skin of your neck, leaving harsh purple marks.

“s-stop.” you beg when the hand on your ass moves to rub circles on your clit. it hurts, it’s uncomfortable but as every second passes, even you can feel that you begin to pool under his touch-- let alone the jerk who’s grinning from the results of his work.

“wow, you’re so fucking wet,” he chuckles, rubbing the wetness between his fingers as if feeling it through your panties isn’t enough to convince him. “but i can’t help but to wonder how you taste.”

he easily lifts you up and lays you down on the teacher’s desk before pulling down your panties and puts it inside his pocket. bokuto leans down and pushes your legs up before spreading your slits open with his fingers and sticks his tongue out to lick your clit.

you feel embarrassed when his golden eyes meet yours, watching you as you squirm while his tongue laps up the juices from your sloppy cunt. you recognize the proud look on his face, you’ve seen it when he successfully delivered a cross-court shot over the net during the tournament but never in a million years you’d expect to see the same grin between your thighs.

“you wanna cum don’t you?” he coos as he slides in his finger inside you.

“no..” you whimper, trying to close your legs but his strong hand pushes them further apart.

“well, i’m gonna make you.”

bokuto slides in another finger and starts fingering you continuously, persistent to make sure you’ll cum for him. he curls his fingers and you begin to find a wave of pleasure slowly building up inside you and you hate yourself for it.

“oh? you look like you wanna cum.” he chuckles as he watches your body writhing on the desk. the room is filled with heavy pants and sloshing sounds from your pussy. you start to feel that you’re pushed to edge as bokuto presses down and rubs your clit with his thumb.

“i’m-i’m gonna cum..” you say between breaths.

“it’s okay, baby. cum for me.” he whispers encouragingly as he watches you throw your head back, soft moans slipping out from your pretty lips. bokuto continues with his pace before your body shakes from releasing an orgasm.

“such a good girl.. you wanna make me happy right?” bokuto leans down to kiss all over your face but your mind is too numb to even respond. “say you want me to fuck you.”

you shake your head slowly, you wish for nothing but to end this torture-- but you should’ve known better. bokuto shifts back between your legs and starts to lick your throbbing cunt again. he watches you as your body starts to writhe again, though his gaze is rather intimidating, much different from earlier.

“please, stop.” you plea but fall into deaf ears instead.

“say it.”

seeing how you refuse to “please” him, he continues to lick you while fingering you, overstimulating you while taunting you all at the same time to push you further to edge.

“f-fuck me, bo--” the words are like music to his ears. bokuto quickly stands up and takes out his cock and almost immediately slides into you. a moan of pleasure escapes from his mouth as he starts to thrust his hips and pushes his all of his thick cock inside you.

“you feel so good, baby.” he compliments-- almost too genuinely. he gazes adoringly at how his glistening cock easily slips in and out of your wet hole despite how you denied him earlier and you can feel how he grows impossibly bigger inside you.

you turn your head to the side, not wanting to make unnecessary eye contact with the man violating you, the one making you feel as if you’re nothing more than just a sex doll.

“i’m good aren’t i?” he asks. if it isn’t for the fact that he’s assaulting you, you’d say that the question sounds very innocent.

you refuse to answer as you persistently stare at the wall. your blood boils at how this man has the audacity to shamelessly ask you such a thing. you know how he’s like, you’ve heard it from konoha himself. he tells you how the whole team carries the responsibility to cheer him on while playing in court to ensure that he gets riled up and how he lives off from being praised by them. you thought that it’s ridiculous but who would’ve thought that you’re also experiencing it first hand, only with his cock plowing inside your guts.

the lack of response irritates him. he needs to hear you say that he’s doing a good job, he put so much effort in this. this is what he had always wanted. he would’ve played it nice but seeing how you were all over his friend earlier, how you subconsciously ignored him, made him do this. it’s your fault. you can’t be mad at him. he’s finally alone with you so why can’t you stop staring at the wall and pay more attention to him? you’re making him upset.

bokuto mercilessly picks up his pace and gets rougher, making sure that you know that he is in balls deep. you finally turn to face him, his brows are knitted together, his expression is no longer compassionate as he focuses on making you cum together with him. bokuto knows that he’s giving a brilliant performance when he starts hearing you moan but now he just needs some compliment.

“i never knew you’re this stubborn.”

you bite down on your lips hard and close your eyes as you feel the coil inside you begin to swirl around, threaten to snap but bokuto is quick to pull away and circles your sensitive clit with his thumb. you open your eyes to see him staring back at you as he waits for you to beg for him.

“bokuto, please..” your voice croaked. he slides in his cock again and gives one deep thrust.

“say it.” he pulls out and rams back in once again, the process repeats itself all over until you eventually start to give in.

“y-you make me feel so good.” you whisper. bokuto’s eyes lit up again and a proud smile creeps up to his lips as he starts to fuck you again.

“that wasn’t so hard was it?” he leans down to nibble your neck as your body arches and your legs slowly wraps itself around his waist. “only i can make you cum, right?”

you let out a shaky ‘yes’ to answer his question, though your mind is rather occupied on how his throbbing cock fills every inch of you and your walls wrap so tightly around his.

“so-- fucking tight,” he hisses. “tell me whose cock is making you feel this good right now?”

“yours!” you wail, hands clutching firmly on his shirt. you feel so close and you know that he feels the same from the way he picks up his pace to chase after his high. with a few more “encouraging” whispers slipping from your mouth, bokuto groans as he finally cums inside you and just as what he wishes for, you reach your second orgasm with him. bokuto pants for air while leaning down to the crook of your neck, his cock still twitching inside you to release the last few drops before he’s sure that he’s empty.

“you can only look at me, and only me.” he murmurs and tilts your head to face him before crashing his lips onto yours once again.

deep down you’ve always known and maybe you shouldn’t have underestimated that even outside the court, bokuto craves for attention.

duskamethyst © 2020 • do not modify, translate or repost anywhere.

[youngbeezer]

hi!! can I please request something?

going to a lake house, maybe friends to lovers with bowen byram?

thank you! 💗.

A/N: HI IM SO SORRY THIS LITERALLY TOOK 4 EVER!!! i was having such bad writer's block with also zero motivation, but i eventually put a little something together and i hope whoever requested this first off actually sees this bc seriously its been a good month of this sitting in my inbox but also i hope you like it :)

Word Count: 2940

Warning(s): kinda angsty in beginning, curse words, ends fluffy !!!

masterlist || join my taglist

These next few days is either going to turn out to be the best week of the summer, or the most awkward week of the summer...

I’m currently stuck in a car surrounded by couples on our way to a lake house in Colorado. Somehow I ended up being lumped into this chaotic group of professional hockey players and their drop-dead gorgeous significant others.

About a year ago at my local salon, I just so happened to be seated right next to a woman named Grace, who I immediately hit it off with. We became fast friends and are now basically inseparable at this point. Her boyfriend just so happens to play hockey for the Colorado Avalanche, Cale Makar. Now I have also grown quite close with Cale as well, since I am always at their shared apartment for Grace. At this point Cale is basically third wheeling us, instead of it being the other way around. Therefore I was also always invited to team parties and get-togethers, which prompted more friendships with most of the guys on the team and their respective partners.

Someone I have surprisingly grown super close with is Bowen Byram. As soon as Cale introduced us two, his blue eyes and raspy voice immediately drew me in. Straight away we bonded over common interests and that night we talked for almost three hours. After that, we were thick as thieves. So thick that recently I have come to the realization that I have caught major feelings for him along the way.

It has only been a few weeks since I have come to this realization and it has already started to affect our relationship. I definitely started to ignore Bowen a little bit when I first figured out my feelings because I was scared he would somehow find out or I would just end up blurting it out at some point. And the last thing I want is for my silly feelings to ruin such a great friendship.

Thus why this week can either turn out to be the best or the worst.

I’ve decided that at some point during this trip I need to confess my feelings for Bowen. He’s also seemed to notice the shift in my attitude towards him. I have become more closed off and not as touchy as we used to be. Bowen and I are both very touchy/feely types of people. So what seemed like just some harmless cuddling and play wrestling with each other, to me did very little to quell down my feelings.

For example, this morning when we were packing up the cars for the trip a group of us are taking to Tyson Jost’s lakehouse, Bowen went to wrap his arms around my middle from the back and I subconsciously flinched away at his touch. I know he definitely noticed my mood shift from the defiant pout that was resting on his face. After that I did what I do best, and ran away to the other car that was driving up and basically begged Nate to switch seats with me.

Which now leads to my current thoughts. The entire car ride up I have been contemplating on ways I could tell him, but each scenario just ended up with him telling me that he doesn’t feel the same, and our friendship essentially being over. Obviously I was just overthinking just a little, but I’ve never been stuck in a situation like this before-- and now we are going to be stuck in a lake house together for an entire week, so I am going to be forced to face this situation whether I want to or not.

“Yo. Earth to y/n?” Tyson draws, trying to gain my attention. I snap out of my thoughts as soon as I hear my name, and bring my gaze to the rearview mirror to meet Tyson’s questioning look. “We’re here.” He announces.

Susanna, Mikko’s girlfriend, adds on, “You alright? You seemed kind of out of it the entire car ride.”

I shake my head to try and clear my thoughts and notice that we are indeed here at the lake house we will be staying at for the next week. I clear my dried up throat before croaking out a weak, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just don’t like long car rides.”

Both of them nod, content with my answer and exit the car to join Mikko in unloading all of the luggage from the trunk. I take a few more moments to fully get my head together after dealing with all my jumbled thoughts throughout the entire three hour car ride.

Jumping out of the car, the first thing I see is Bowen letting out a yawn and stretching out. As his arms raise over his head, some of his shirt rises up with it and immediately my eyes are drawn to the small portion of skin and v-line that is in front of me. Bowen then notices my presence and makes eye contact with me, giving me one of his adorable little smiles. I advert my gaze as quickly as I can so my obvious ogling isn’t as obvious and go to finally retrieve my luggage.

Yeah this was gonna be a long week.

…

After everyone got pretty much all settled into their rooms, we all ended up coming back together to sit around the firepit to chat and enjoy some drinks. For this trip that Tyson orchestrated there are in total ten people staying in the house. Me, Tyson, obviously since it’s his house; Bowen, Cale, Grace, Alex Newhook, Mikko and his girlfriend Susanna, and lastly Nate and his supposed new girl who will be joining us later on in the week.

Apparently a group of the guys and their partners have been taking trips together at the end of the hockey season for a while now, and since growing closer with the team this year, I graciously got an invite.

Since it was getting later and a little bit more chilly, I grabbed a random sweatshirt that I saw already laying around in the living room before making my way outside to join everyone by the firepit. Getting closer I noticed that the only seat available just so happened to be next to Bowen.

Cale and Grace give each other a not so inconspicuous knowing look when they see me approaching. As soon as I sit down, a question is being thrown at me.

“Whose sweatshirt is that y/n?” Cale brings everyone's attention to me with a growing smirk on his face.

“I don’t know, I just found it in the living room.” I give Cale a questioning glare, trying to figure what his endgame is right now.

“It’s mine.” I hear that same raspy voice that I love and know so well. I feel my face start heating up at the idea of wearing Bowen’s sweatshirt. Am I wearing his name on my back right now, and I just didn’t even think to check earlier?

“Oh, uh. Sorry, I can give it back to you, if you want it.” I stumble out, now feeling awkward and a little embarrassed about how flustered I am getting over a simple sweatshirt.

Bowen gives me a little smile before replying back, “Nah, it’s fine. It looks better on you anyway.”

I clear my throat and stumble out an awkward ���thanks’ at Bowen and then turn my attention to Grace right next to me so I don’t embarrass myself even more. What I don’t see though is the way Bowen's face immediately falls when I turn my back on him.

…

Around midnight is when everyone started to make their way back inside the house to start getting ready for bed. I was mindlessly scrolling through my social media, so I didn’t notice that mostly everyone had already gone inside.

“Y/n.” I look up at the mention of my name to notice that Bowen and I are the only ones left outside.

Also noticing the intense gaze I am receiving from Bowen, I quickly gather my things and stumble out, “Oh my gosh I didn’t notice everyone left already. I should head inside as well.”

Bowen is quicker though because he grabs ahold of my wrist, halting me in place before I make my very obvious escape.

“Hold on, please. Can you please talk to me?” Bowen pleads out.

“What do you mean? We’ve been talking all night.” I countered, trying one last time to get out of this conversation.

“We’ve been talking as a group all night yeah, but you couldn’t even make eye contact with me. You know what I mean. What’s been going on? Did I do something?” Bowen frowned.

At that moment I felt so guilty. I’ve been so focused on trying to ignore my feelings that I have developed that I ended up pushing my best friend away and hurting him in the process. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. I knew I would eventually have to have this talk with Bowen during this week, but I just didn’t expect it to be on the very first night.

“Okay. Yeah, let’s talk.”

I lead the way down to the dock overlooking the lake and sit down to dangle my feet into the water. I know for a fact that Grace and Cale realized that we both haven’t come in behind them, so they are most likely snooping by the backdoor wondering what we are doing.

Bowen joins me, after slipping his shoes off and dangling his feet in as well.

“What’s been going on y/n?” Bowen asks again.

“I-I think I’m in love with you.” I blurt out. I can feel my heartbeat pounding in my ears as I await any type of response from Bowen. Taking a peek over at him, I see the pure shock on his face. Probably wasn’t the best idea to start off the conversation with that.

Taking his silence as a bad sign, I start spewing out whatever I can to try and calm the anxiety coursing through my veins. “I-I think I have known for a while and I just tried to ignore it, I guess. But then I realized that I was just pushing you away, an-and I never wanted to do that. Our friendship means that absolute world to me, and I would hate myself if anything I did, or-or my stupid feelings jeaporized that.” At some point during my little rant, a few tears escaped. I turn my head away as I try to hold back on a full on sob breaking loose.

“You think?” He eventually breaks the silence.

Confusedly, I turned my head back around and let out a strangled, “Huh?” I see the corners of Bowen’s mouth start curving up into a tiny smile, confusing me even more.

“You said, you think you’re in love with me.” He pointed out.

My eyebrows raise in question and I give him a little shrug, prompting him to elaborate more.

“Well… I’m pretty damn sure I’m in love with you.” Bowen softly declared.

My breath catches in my throat and my mouth turns as dry as the Sahara Desert. Those were definitely not the words I was expecting to come out of his mouth. He chuckles at my surprised face and scooches a little closer to my body to wipe a stray tear on my cheek.

“Are you serious?” I whisper out.

“Of course.” He whispered just as softly back to me as his head inched closer to mine.

My heart pounds in my chest as Bowen’s hand comes up to cradle my cheek. All of our pent up feelings and emotions that we both have been too afraid to admit all come crashing together as our lips finally meet. He kissed me gently, almost carefully, but after all this time gentleness was not what I wanted right now. Bowen let out a low groan as I pulled him flush against my body, my fists bunching up the collar of his shirt.

Before this could go any further, we both pull away breathlessly, basking in what truly just happened-- just now realizing how much our relationship is about to change.

“Fuck.” Bowen breathed out, running his hands over his face. “If I knew that was what it was like to kiss you I would’ve blurted out my feelings the day I met you.”

My ears perk up at his last few words and it seems like he also realizes what he just admitted, as his cheeks immediately turn a rosy color.

“You’ve liked me for that long?” I bashfully question.

Bowen runs his fingers through his hair and blows out a breath of air before answering, “Yeah, I-I mean… yeah I have.” He stumbles out, awkwardly letting out a laugh.

I lean my head on his shoulder and connect our hands, feeling super content and never wanting this moment to end. We take a moment to just sit on the dock-- with our feet hanging in the water, hands intertwined; and bask in the feeling of finally letting our feelings out into the open.

“You know everyone in that house is going to have a field day when they find out.” Bowen mumbles against my shoulder, before leaving a lingering kiss on the exposed skin.

“Oh I wouldn’t be surprised if they all had a bet going or something.” I chimed. I raise my head that had previously been resting on Bowen’s shoulder back up to look at him, and see that he is already smiling at me. “What?” I drawled, feeling my cheeks heating up under his gaze.

“You wanna sleep in my bed tonight?” He asked hesitantly.

My cheeks now feel on fire as I ponder on how I want to go about this. I raise my eyebrows up at him in question as I ponder out, “Do you want me in your bed tonight?”

Bowen gives me an almost incredulous look as he voiced, “Of course I want you in my bed.”

I just give him a simple nod and push my body up in a standing position, reaching out my hand to prompt Bowen to join me. “Okay, let’s go.”

Bowen immediately shoots up from his sitting position, clinging onto my hand as we make our way back up the yard to the sliding glass doors of the lake house. Just as I predicted earlier, Cale and Grace were totally snooping. Actually, the entire house was snooping. Everyone was gathered in the kitchen trying to act casual as we walked in, but as soon as they noticed our conjoined hands, all hell broke loose.

“I fucking knew it!”

“Aw you guys look so cute.”

“Bout time.”

“Ha! Nate, you owe me fifty bucks.”

I looked over at Bowen with an unimpressed look, “Told you they probably had a bet going on.” Meanwhile Bowen has an incredulous look coating his face watching his friends freak out over his newfound relationship. Instead of questioning our oddball friends, Bowen just simply shakes his head, letting out a little chuckle.

“Alright I’m heading up, I can’t deal with these idiots right now.” Bowen gives me a quick peck on the lips before announcing his departure for the night. Most of the others also start making their way up to their respective rooms for bed, the guys putting on a show of making kissy noises and making a few chirps as they follow Bowen up the stairs.

Grace joins me by the counter, making a show of wiggling her eyebrows at me. I’m smiling like an idiot as Cale also joins us, chuckling at my lovesick expression.

“You’re welcome.” Cale smirked.

I scrunch my face up in confusion as I question him back, “For what?”

“For introducing you two, duh.” Cale teased. Grace smacks him on the arm with a tut, making a show of rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. “Alright, seriously I am happy for you guys though.” He eventually relents.

My cheeks heat up from the attention but also from the thought of Bowen and I’s new relationship. Grace grabs me by the shoulders and starts pushing me in the direction of the staircase.

“Obviously I’m happy for you too. All I’ve wanted is the best for you and I think Bowen is just that. And with that being said, go get your mans!” She sends me off with a quick smack on my ass. I giggle the whole way up the stairs on the way into Bowen’s [now our] room feeling extremely giddy and content.

When I enter the room, all the lights except for the bathroom are already off, and it looks like Bowen is already settled into bed. So, I quickly do my night time routine and change into my pajamas before making my way over to the bed I will now be sharing for the week.

Bowen is awaiting me with his arms wide open, which I happily cuddle into the second I am under the covers. He buries his head into my neck, leaving featherlight kisses here and there.

“I love you.” Bowen mumbles into my neck. I card my fingers through his hair and kiss the top of his head as I mumble back those same words, in complete awe over how fast my life has changed in one night. We both knew that we would eventually be together, it just took a little time and a trip to Tyson Jost’s lakehouse for us to figure it out. This week will definitely be one for the books.

Taglist: @barzysandmarnersbitch @handwrittenheroes @hockeyplayerstories @barzy-xoxo @gnemgn @joelsfarabees

Tagging some mutuals as well so this doesnt flop,,,

@2manytabsopen @bb-nhlqueen7 @frederikanderson @simon-edvinsson @coltonndach @carepriceisgoodathockey @lovereadinghockeyy @pettypeteys @kentjohnsons @joekellys @mattybenierss

[makingspiritualityreal]

You are the Change You Want to See

For years now, my go to solution in relationship struggles with people was to first do everything that I could to make it work, and then not participate anymore if it was visible that me and the other party were not going to agree despite my efforts at expressing how I feel.

It is completely logical, that I would grow up with this sort of emotional pattern, as my family has always made me feel that I needed to fend for myself emotionally. I knew that they were a lost cause since I was a kid. A level of self-repression and self-denial that was beyond introspection, as they refused to be honest with themselves, and whenever I would try to work with them, I would be made to be the guilty one, just for telling the truth.

That kind of dynamic creates a subconscious desire for a mix of autonomy (I don't want to be dependent on people, as people never grow up or change so it's dangerous) and a desperate urge to actually connect to someone, that actually will talk to you, reflect, process, grow with you. Friends, family and a partner that are interested in personal integrity and evolution, not just keeping their lives at surface level. So it feels very confusing...because when you meet anyone new, you don't know how to decide what to do with them, emotionally. A part of you is terrified of reliving the toxic family scenario, scared of another disappointment, ready to unleash and leave, just in case you could get hurt again, another part is excited at the perspective of a new, potentially deeper connection, regardless of its nature.

Here is the catch. Trapped between trauma, fear and desire and excitement, you can lose realism when it comes to human relationships. The reality is, relationships are a lifelong exercise in harmony, compromise and self assertion. A mix of needing to draw your boundaries, because the other person may not even be aware that they overstepped them, and putting yourself in the other person's shoes. A blend of compassion for yourself and the other. It takes time, work, and it never ends.

Having discovered that I suffered from that mentality, I think many of us are waiting. For that perfect day, that perfect alignment, perfect home, perfect person. We think, the next friend, the next partner, there won't be any arguments. I won't have to defend myself. I won't have to fight, I will be peaceful, we will solve all our problems through rational discussion. Then we go through the next person, and another...and we wonder what went wrong, again.

Sometimes, the problem is us, our bad patterns, choosing the wrong people, giving them too many passes, not to mention those people who actively sabotage their own relationships...but sometimes the problem is not understanding, that the process of human connection is inherently imperfect and requires constant tweaking.

To give you an example, until very recently I used to dream of something sudden changing and improving my life. A deus ex machina, that would right all the wrongs, recognise my efforts, take away the pain. Then I realised, that is never going to happen, and if it does, the timing of it is beyond my control, so looking at it with anticipation is not going to work. I used to dream about moving away from my roommate situation, but what I really wanted was the improvement in my relationships. I wanted to be able to live in peace...which is not achieved by running away, but by discussing my feelings and preferences honestly, and setting boundaries where I need to. A magical change is not going to make everyone suddenly behave better. If you want someone to do better by you, you have to talk to them about it.

All that being said, some situations are of course deal breakers, and you should not sleep on red flags, if someone persistently refuses to show basic decency. If you try to work on a connection over and over again, and the other party doesn't do their part of the work. That happens too, and then, indeed, leaving is the only option, even if it breaks your heart.

It may sound said to forego an idea of a magical wish fulfilment...but embracing this truth of relationships is actually the road to happiness. Because now, you don't put unrealistic expectations on people. Now, you don't have unrealistic expectations of your life. Now, you know that waiting for the next transit, the next big break is not going to magically improve your life. Now, you have the power to improve what is in front of you, what you have at your disposal. And when you do that, magic happens, and you discover so many things, that you could have done for yourself all along.

Suddenly, before you notice, that big break you were looking for is here. You were it all along. Not you, excluded of other people, but you as a perspective shift, that allows you to channel your creating and transforming power, also into your connections with others. Because now, you are realistic about what needs to be done, what you can do, what you want to do, and what you can improve, by yourself, and with someone else.

[kaistarus]

Crush At First Sight

Pairing: Nishinoya X Reader

Words: 2K

Summary: Attending the boy's volleyball finals was a no brainer-you'd take any opportunity to ditch school. You didn't think you'd find yourself getting so attached to one of the players...

Notes: I don't believe that someone could watch Noya play and not instantly fall in love, so I did him right

Masterlist

The only time you’d heard about the boy’s volleyball team was when someone called them ‘flightless crows’ in the hallway, which you assumed was a bad thing. However, when your friends mentioned they were skipping class to apparently watch them play in the Spring finals you were all for attending.

You’d take any opportunity to ditch school-even if it was to watch some guys lose a volleyball game.

The stadium was more filled than you were expecting. As you slid through the crowd to find three open seats you realized perhaps this was a bigger deal than you’d anticipated. Once seated, Michimiya passed everyone noise makers she’d picked up from some guys near the stadium’s entrance. You tested the bright orange cone-shaped objects by lightly tapping them together.

“So, they must have really improved this year, huh?” You said as your eyes wandered around the packed stands, apparently you weren’t the only ones skipping school today.

“They got a new coach,” Michimiya said, bouncing lightly from nerves and anticipation, “and a lot of talented first years.”

“Not hard on the eyes either,” Aihara nudged your shoulder and gestured towards the team congregated on the sidelines around their coaches. You nodded slowly as you scanned the group, lingering on the unfortunate boy who got stuck with the orange jersey.

At least he could pull it off.

The teams took the court, their anticipation radiating into the audience and extending even to you as you clutched your noise makers tightly. After the whistle was blown, and the first serve made, the game of Karasuno vs Shiratorizawa officially began.

A few minutes into the match you found your gaze latching onto the guy in the orange jersey. Shiratorizawa was terrifying, especially the big guy with his powerful spikes. You winced the first time you saw it because you couldn’t imagine receiving something like that without breaking your arms, but the libero guy was doing it like it was nothing. He had adapted to the playstyle and for every ball that made your stomach drop he would appear from seemingly nowhere and make a save.

There was something about the way he could go from intensely focused on the court to relaxed on the sidelines within moments that had you mesmerized, as well. You couldn’t help the weird fullness in your chest as he guzzled down water and smiled goofily to some of his teammates after their first set as if the pressure wasn’t weighing on him.

“What are you so focused on?” Michimiya asked while bopping you on the head with her cone.

“Nothing,” you said as the boys began to take the court again, preparing for the next serve. “Hey, what was number four’s name?”

Aihara’s brow quirked. “Nishinoya, why?”

“I’m just wondering...” You said, subconsciously smiling when he slid and barely saved the ball with one hand. “He’s just pretty good is all.”

“Daichi said he’s their ‘Guardian Deity’,” Michimiya wiggled her eyebrows at you.

“Boys are so dramatic.” Aihara scoffed.

You couldn’t argue that one.

As the sets continued you found yourself growing increasingly attached to Nishinoya: heart dropping if he missed a ball, swelling with pride anytime he made a play, and you’d even find your cheeks warming whenever you caught sight of him smiling to himself or a teammate. It was becoming embarrassing, truthfully, considering you’d never even talked to him.

“Alright, at least pretend you’re not obsessively staring at him.” Aihara nudged you playfully as the fourth set wrapped up and the boys were switching sides on the court.

“I’m not.”

Michimiya giggled, bopping you on the nose. “You geek out every time he touches the ball. It’s not hard to notice.”

“You’re one to talk. As if you haven’t been fangirling over Daichi.” Aihara leaned back, sighing dramatically. “I’m trapped between a pair of lovesick fools.”

“I don’t even know the guy,” you felt your cheeks warming. “Even if I did he probably wouldn’t be interested in--”

“Have you ever met Nishinoya before?” Aihara interrupted you. “Like, at school or in any context? Heard about him or talked to him… anything?”

You shook your head and they both started laughing lightly before Michimiya put a hand on your shoulder. “Trust me, you’ll be fine.”

You tilted your head in confusion, but before you could form a retort the ref’s whistle signaled the start of the final set. Your grip on the noise makers were tight as both sides fought strongly, neither willing to lose a single point and give up their chance for nationals. It felt surreal when Karasuno pulled that final point. Everyone erupted into cheers as the three of you held onto each other, jumping and shouting, unable to contain your excitement while celebrating the boy’s well earned victory. Boys who were currently dogpiled in the center of the court while the third years had tears streaming down their faces in disbelief.

It was an honor to be a part of and you couldn’t have been prouder to have them representing your school. When they lined up in front of you and bowed to thank you all for your attendance you clutched your hands against your chests. They really earned the win.

You were pulled out of your randomly emotional train of thought by Aihara’s grip tugging you behind her as they shuffled out of the stands.

“Where are we going?” You asked when they left the gym opposite the stadium’s exit.

“We’re going to congratulate the guys!” Michimiya sent a smile over her shoulder and your heart accelerated to an unhealthy pace.

“I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared for that scenario,” you pointed toward the opposite end of the hall. “Maybe I should just meet you guys outside and-”

“Oh no you don’t,” Aihara began pushing you forward by your shoulders and you started to whine in protest. “You are strong and fearless and no boy shall knock you down.”

Michimiya giggled ahead of you where she remained completely useless in your time of need. You let Aihara guide you through groups of people finding their way toward the exit until you all spotted the boy’s team in their telling Karasuno volleyball club jackets.

You did a quick scan of everyone, but didn’t see the spiked hair you’d been observing for so long. You weren’t sure if it was relief or disappointment you felt.

“There he is,” Aihara gave you a squeeze, pointing near the far wall where Nishinoya was digging through his duffel bag on the ground, eyebrows furrowed and tongue stuck out adorably in concentration. Your heart started pounding at the sight of him so close. The bizarre realization that he was in fact a real person finally hit which made your palms sweaty.

“As it turns out. I have decided to denounce myself from boys and am going to live a life of celibacy.” You nodded confidently, trying to make a u-turn, but Aihara annoyingly spun you around.

“Shut up,” she rolled her eyes. “Just talk to him. I promise it will work out.” She patted your shoulder. “Trust me.”

You glared at her, mumbling insults under your breath as you slowly walked over to where Nishinoya continued to dig through his mess of a bag. You took a deep breath and decided your best move was to just deep dive straight into your doom. What could possibly go wrong?

“Uh, Nishinoya, right?”

He glanced at you briefly, looking you up and down before continuing to dig through his bag.“Yep, do need you help finding someone?” He triumphantly pulled out some IcyHot before pointing toward where the rest of his team lounged. “Most of the guys are over there.”

“I was actually hoping to talk to you.” You winced as you noticed the bruises that decorated his arms when he started to peel off his jacket.

“Why? Is something wrong? Do you have a message for me or something?”

“No… I just wanted to tell you how amazing I thought you were today.” You quickly glanced away in embarrassment when he finally looked up at you with wide-eyes. You dug your toe into the ground as you urged yourself to continue, “I was watching you and just thought you were really cool and--”

“Sorry,” he chuckled and put a hand up to stop you. “I was actually wearing the orange jersey. Number four.” He pointed to the others in the center of the hall again. “The guy you're looking for is probably over there.”

You blinked. “Nishinoya. Orange jersey. Number four. Libero. Guardian Deity or whatever.” Your embarrassment was dissolving into frustration. “Is that you?”

“Yeah?”

“Then I’m looking for you.”

He stared at his bag as his brain tried to process the situation you’d presented to him. Suddenly, his gaze whipped up at you. “Holy shit,” he pointed his finger at himself. “You’re talking to me.”

“Have been.”

He tensed and locked his eyes on the IcyHot he was currently trying to rub on his back. He quickly threw it near his bag and you felt another fond smile growing on your face. “I’m Nishinoya,” he said, extending his hand toward you before shoving it down to his side. “Wait, you know that. Shit, were you complimenting me? Did you just call me cool?”

“I did do that, yeah.”

His face turned a bright shade of red, “but you can’t do that it goes against all the rules.”

“What are you-”

“Look,” He pointed his finger between the two of you causing you to raise a brow. “I’m supposed to flirt with and compliment you, then you say something mean that hurts my feelings.” He smacked his shoes for finality. “It’s a strict formula.”

“What’s the formula for when I flirt with you then?” You asked, a sly smirk spreading across your lips. His shoulders went up to his ears and he stared at his hands longer than you felt necessary for such a simple question.

He looked up at you defeated. “I don’t know I’m bad at math.”

You covered your mouth to hold back the laugh trying to force its way out. He was just so cute though. “Well, so am I, but mutual flirting seems like a good solution. If you were an interested party that is.”

“I’m a very interested party…” He murmured under his breath while narrowing his eyes at you. “Did Tanaka put you up to this?”

“I don’t know who that is.”

He furrowed his brow in thought before pulling a flip phone out from his duffel and holding it out to you, “can I have your number?”

Your cheeks dusted pink as you created your contact under Nishinoya’s intense gaze. He hurriedly checked it’s existence when you returned the phone to him, staring at it skeptically while he cradled the phone in his hands.

“I promise it’s mine.” You reassured him and he embarrassingly snapped the phone closed.

“Okay,” he mumbled.

“(Y/N)!” Aihara yelled from where the rest of Karasuno’s team was grouped and not so subtly staring at you both. Your face slowly blossomed red and in your peripheral you saw Nishinoya flip off the ones waving at him. “We’re heading out. Are you done or do you need more time with your-”

“I’ll be right there.” You interrupted, glancing back to Nishinoya. “I’ll, uh, talk to you soon?”

He shot you a double thumbs up and you couldn’t stop from snorting at how adorable that was, especially when he started at them in shame. You waved a good-bye and narrowly dodged the small group already sprinting to Nishinoya while you weren’t even a few steps away.

Aihara wrapped an arm around your shoulder as your eyes lingered on boys rubbing Nishinoya’s head, bouncing around excitedly, or giving him suggestive looks. You felt your stomach rolling from embarrassment at all the attention he was receiving from such a small interaction.

“Ignore them. They’re just stupid boys.”

“I guess…”

“But one of them’s your stupid boy.” Michimiya said, poking you in the stomach. You swatted her hands away, and chewed your lip to keep down a smile when your phone vibrated. The ‘hello :)’ from an unknown number made your heart flutter.

Yeah, one of them was your stupid boy.

[xiaomoxu]

Lucien - Mystical Date

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

A date from CN server which hasn’t been released on EN server yet. Might contains some spoiler.

🌙  Also from this date: Moment - 1st Call - 2nd Call

This date is from The Heat and Sounds of the Grand Banquet Collection.

Story under the cut--

Legend has it that in a remote and dense jungle, there was a mysterious young man.

Wherever he goes,

Stone can flow out gold,

The flame can ignite out of thin air,

The spring water can drip colorful colors.

The story starts from that hot season...

--

It hasn't had a single drop of rain for two full months, and the air is full of unbearable heat.

Now is the time for the cavalry to change guards, and logically speaking, it is also the time when the tribal defense is the weakest.

I hid behind the wall and glanced from a distance. As expected, there was only one person on duty at the tribe’s outpost.

I crawled into the stable, jumped and patted the horse, then ran off on top of it.

The dry and hot wind whizzed past my ears, and there was only one firm belief in my heart--

I must escape successfully!

Just as I was approaching the guard post, the cavalry on duty probably heard the sound of horse hooves and reacted vigilantly.

Guard: Who are you?!

MC: ...This is bad.

Before I could think about it, I picked up the rein and pulled the horse hard to speed up the escape.

As long as I cross the river outside the post and into the woods, I will be able to completely leave the border of the tribe.

Guard: Someone is running away, come on!

I galloped through the river, and got into the woods as soon as I jumped.

I don't know how long I ran, but my ears were left with the rustle of wind blowing over the leaves and the faint sound of water.

It's safe for now.

I breathed a sigh of relief, but did not slow down the speed, and my heart still restless.

A few hours ago, I overheard the conversation between the wizard and the chief, and was shocked to learn that the wizard wanted to sacrifice me in three days!

-Flashback-

Wizard: Chief, if you want to save the entire tribe, you must sacrifice her!

Chief: This...no, I can't agree with this matter!

Wizard: You have figured it out clearly, this is a problem for the entire tribe.

Wizard: She was originally an ominous orphan, and as she grew up, her thought became more and more curious.

Wizard: She was just looking through some useless books. When I was ordered by the gods to carry out my will, she dared to question it.

Wizard: Now, the god has been angered by her behavior, and the two-month drought is the punishment.

Wizard: Sacrificing her to pray for rain, that was the only way to calm the anger of the gods!

Chief: In any case, she is a member of the tribe, my people...I don't agree to sacrifice her!

Originally, I was only quietly borrowing the street lamp outside the chief's palace to read the collection of theological poems, but I was shocked to hear it.

It is obvious that staying in the tribe is no longer safe. In a hurry, I only thought of a way to protect myself-escape!

-Flashback end-

In order to escape as far as possible, I drove all night in the woods.

The sky was already bright, and I looked at the forks in front of me and couldn't make up my mind. I planned to dismount and check it out first.

I turned into a path and didn't know how long I walked. The dense woods in front of me seemed almost the same as before, and I still couldn't tell the direction.

Thinking that I was lost, I was so nervous that I walked a few steps faster, but I missed my steps and I rolled down a steep slope.

MC: !

The feeling of turning around the world gradually faded. I struggled to get up, and was surprised to find that there was a valley in front of me, and there seemed to be a large lush garden not far away.

Ignoring the pain on my body, I walked in carefully, hoping that there would be a place for me to rest for a while.

But the more I walked in, I found that so many colorful flowers and trees, there are still many buildings and a clear breath of life in the garden.

I was wondering if there were people living here, a calm and cozy figure suddenly broke into my sight behind the flowers.

It was a strange young man.

He was wearing a luxurious light-colored satin gown, and his exposed arm rings had complicated and beautiful patterns.

At this moment, he picked up a chess piece and rubbed it lightly.

Hearing my footsteps, the man raised his head. At first glance, I hesitated for a moment.

??: Who are you and how did you come here?

MC: I was lost in the woods and passing by accidentally.

??: Oh?

The man curled his mouth slightly, and an imperceptible meaning passed through the end of his narrow eyes.

??: Not many people can find this place.

The man didn't seem to believe it, so I explained.

MC: After I rolled down the steep slope over there, I walked straight ahead... and I got here.

The man looked at me up and down, and whispered as if talking to himself.

??: It turned out to be like this...

Although there was a slight smile on the corner of the man's mouth, his tone was always indifferent.

I thought for a while, but I swallowed the idea that I wanted to rest here for a while, and saluted him.

MC: Sorry to disturb you, I will leave now.

??: You're hurt

The man spoke slowly and pointed at my arm.

??: If necessary, I can provide simple medical care.

I lowered my head, and saw many scars on my arm by branches and gravel, and the dull pain came up with it.

The man quickly fetched the medicine kit. After all, in a completely unfamiliar environment, I was a little uncomfortable, holding the potion and use it to heal my wounds.

After treating the wound, I saw the chessboard on the ground on my side, and my eyes lit up suddenly.

The familiar glass pawns and small twelve grids are exactly what I am best at playing chess.

The man is holding the glass chess piece in one hand, seeming to observe the chess surface.

MC: Are you playing chess?

??: Not long after I started learning, I was still studying according to the chess book.

I nodded thoughtfully and couldn't help but speak proudly.

MC: I like playing chess very much, and I used to learn from the wisest old man in the tribe for a long time.

MC: In our tribe, almost no one can beat me.

Hearing what I said, the man paused with his finger holding the chess piece.

He leaned over and raised his eyebrows slightly unexpectedly.

After pondering for a moment, he put the chessboard in front of me with a casual smile on his face.

??: So now this game...

??: In your opinion, what is the correct next step?

Following the man's gestures, I subconsciously observed it carefully and began to analyze the situation in front of me.

MC: Is the next step to take the pawn at my hand?

??: Hmm.

I quickly counted the pawns in the current chess hole, and my eyes brightened quickly.

I took out the first chess piece on the left hand side and "planted" one by one into the row of holes on the right.

MC: One, two, three, four, five, just right!

The man looked at the chess hole I was pointing, and turned slightly.

MC: Although this chess hole is very suitable for abandonment, the number of chess pieces at the moment is very good.

MC: The place where the last chess piece falls will happen to be the big hole on the right, then according to the rulesㅡ

??: According to the rules, the pawns in the hole of the other side should also belong to this side.

The man took my word almost at the same time.

MC: That's right!

??: This game really became more interesting.

The corners of the man's lips curled up slightly, an arc flashing in his eyes.

Lucien: If you are not in a hurry, are you willing to play a game with me?

I subconsciously wanted to agree, but when I thought about my current situation, I hesitated again.

MC: I....

I opened my mouth and didn't know how to explain it for a while. The man saw my hesitation, did not persuade me too much, just smiled faintly.

Lucien: I think it should be far better than reading a chess book by myself.

His tone was sincere, and my wagging mood tilted towards a certain choice.

I accidentally fell to the sides of the empty garden. An idea suddenly popped up in my head. I took a deep breath and saidㅡ

MC: I promised to play against you, but...

MC: I want to add some "weight" to this competition.

The man leaned forward slightly.

??: Tell me the detail?

MC: If you win, you can make a request to me, as long as I can do it. But if I win..

After a second pause, I said in a hurry.

MC: Can you let me stay for a few days?

Thinking that the wizard might still be arresting me, it is better to find a "backer" to hide first, instead of running around alone.

This hidden garden and this mysterious man may be a viable choice.

The sudden request really made him wide open his eyes in surprise.

I pursed my lips and said after a few seconds.

MC: Our tribe is suffering from a drought, and I really have nowhere to go, so I ran out to save my life.

Although the most real reason is hidden, what I said is not entirely a lie.

MC: So, do you agree to add this "weight"?

I watched him nervously.

The man looked at me deeply, and after a moment of indulgence, he chuckled softly.

??: It is indeed a heavy weight.

??: Okay, I promise.

??: However, let me test your chess skills first.

The man put the chess pieces back, I took a deep breath and smiled politely.

MC: Since it is a competition, how can one not know the name of the opponent.

MC: My name is MC, how about you?

The midday sun fell on him, and the man smiled slightly and looked at me sideways.

??: Lucien.

--

In a blink of an eye, I have been staying at Lucien's house for several days.

I borrowed a few chess books from Lucien. I haven't been anywhere these days. I stayed in the guest room and looked through.

In the match a few days ago, I only narrowly won by the difference two points.

Lucien learned so well not long after his self-study. His chess books must be very useful.

MC: Lucien, I have read these books, is there anything else?

Lucien: Yes, in the library.

MC: Library? Can I come with you to have a look?

Just when I thought I was going to be rejected, Lucien nodded lightly, a vague stream of light flashed across his eyes.

Unexpectedly, there are several library rooms in this garden palace, but the books in itㅡ

MC: "Elemental Crystal", "The Secret of Metal", "How to Make a Panacea".

MC: What are these all about, why have I never heard of it?

I looked at Lucien, who was standing quietly by the side, with some suspicions in my heart.

MC: Lucien, What the hell do you do?

MC: Wizard? Magician? Or...

Lucien looked at me without evasiveness, and spoke slowly after a while.

Lucien: To be precise, I am a hermit who knows a little about alchemy.

I was about to ask more clearly, but he suddenly raised his arm, his expression still faint.

Lucien: If you are interested, you can read these books at your will.

Lucien left after leaving saying that. I thought he was in trouble, I didn't care too much, and curiously took out two books.

After flipping through a few pages quickly, I found that the content in it was in a category that I had never heard of.

MC: After adding these powders, the flame can change various colors?

MC: It can be done with salt...?!

Holding these books that I have never heard before, the door to a new world seems to be slowly opening before my eyes.

I was fascinated by it, and I didn't feel the passage of time at all, until there was a slight sound of footsteps by the door.

Lucien: You... still here?

I looked up in a daze, only to realize that it was pitch black outside the window.

Thinking he was asking me why I stayed in the library, I smiled at him awkwardly.

MC: It seems that I have been staying for a long time...

Lucien approached calmly, his eyes swept over the pile of books beside me.

Lucien: It seems that you have already read a lot.

Lucien: Are there any gains?

MC: There are many gains, but there are more doubts.

I raised the horoscope book in my hand.

MC: I once saw a book that said that the destiny of human beings and the prosperity and decline of the country's luck are all determined by astrology.

MC: The wizard of our tribe always said that he can predict misfortune and happiness through the position of the stars.

MC: But I always feel that if fate is destined, does that individual's efforts have any meaning?

MC: Everyone’s destiny should only belong to them.

MC: As for the other messy claims, they may be just excuses made by people.

After saying all these things, I realized that Lucien had walked to me at some point.

He glanced at me deeply, and a strange emotion flowed through his deep eyes.

Lucien: I think most people cannot accept this statement.

Just when I thought Lucien was going to refute me, his voice was warmer and softer than before.

Lucien: However, I agree.

MC: ....Realy?

All the time, wizards have always said that my ideas are "outlandish and outrageous."

Unexpectedly, I would meet someone who has such a similar thought to me, so I blurted out subconsciously.

MC: If it weren't for my thinking is not the same as most people, it wouldn't beー

Finding my carelessness, I hurriedly bit my tongue. But Lucien had obviously heard it, and he asked with interest.

Lucien: different ideas mean?

I hesitated for a moment.

MC: Actually, is nothing.

MC: I just feel that some things may have nothing to do with the gods at all, but they should be.

The soft light shone on Lucien's side face, watching him listen intently. I don't know why, I suddenly have a desire to talk.

MC: It's just... If it doesn't rain for a month, maybe it's just the natural phenomenon described in that book, not the anger of the gods.

Lucien: Anger of Gods?

MC: ...I once heard that a tribe did not rain for several months. The wizard said that it was because a young girl angered the gods.

MC: He even proposed the vicious idea of sacrificing the young girls to pray for rain...maybe it's selfishness at all!

I finished speaking in a low voice.

Lucien was stunned for two seconds, looking thoughtful.

But soon, he smiled slightly, with a little light and shadow in his eyes.

Lucien: In this world, there may really be gods.

Lucien: But in my opinion, it is better to put hope in your own hands than to believe in the ethereal gods.

Lucien: It's just that I'm surprised that you can think so too.

Lucien looked at me, his lips curled in a nice arc.

Lucien: Before I brought you to the library, I was worried that you would think these books offended the gods.

Lucien: Now it seems that my worries are nothings.

Through Lucien's dark pupils, I can clearly see my figure. There seemed to be ripples in his eyes, and a warm smile appeared.

My cheeks were slightly hot, and I subconsciously looked away from his eyes.

My eyes fell on the closed "Elemental Crystal", and I suddenly remembered something.

MC: Lucien, just said in the book that there are many beautiful crystals.

I tilted my head and asked curiously.

MC: What is crystal, and what does it look like?

Lucien thought for a moment, then stretched out his hand to me.

If you want to know, you might as well take a look at the real "little trick".

Lucien took me to the deepest part of the garden palace. This wide room was filled with various utensils that I didn't understand well, and I looked around curiously.

Lucien held out an iron box in the corner, and saw a row of small cardboard trees staggered in it.

Lucien: Coincidentally, I just finished some preparations.

Lucien: Now, the most critical step will need your help.

MC: What is this?

Lucien: To reveal the answer too quickly, you will lose a lot of fun, you might as well look forward to it.

Lucien deliberately said it, revealing a mysterious expression.

He adjusted it in the glass for a while, and soon a cup of slightly turbid water appeared in front of me.

Lucien: Are you interested in trying it yourself?

Although I still don't quite understand what this is, it doesn't affect my eagerness to try.

MC: Ok, what should I do?

MC: Pour this cup of "water" on the paper tree.

Lucien: When you wake up tomorrow, you will have a pleasant surprise.

--

The next day, as soon as the sun was up, I got up and couldn’t wait to push the door open.

On the bare paper tree last night, every branch is now full of crystal-clear "flowers", which are becoming more white and clear under the shining of the sun.

I sing happily to the garden holding the iron box, Lucien was reading at the stone table in the open air.

Put the blooming paper tree among the flowers, I tugged his sleeve gently.

MC: Lucien, let the paper tree blossom, is this the surprise you said?

MC: But how exactly is this done?

He smiled slightly.

Lucien: The answer lies in the glass of "water" you poured down yesterday.

Lucien: Because the matter in the "water" reacted with the substances on the paper tree, these flower-like crystals were precipitated.

Lucien: It's just such a simple "trick".

He explained concisely. I don't know if it's because this is what he likes. Lucien's expression in front of me is a bit vivid.

The bright sunshine fell on his hair, which looked exceptionally soft, and a circle of dark shadows fell in his eyes.

Looking at Lucien, whose smile in the sun was even better than the flowers in the garden, my breath suddenly suffocated inexplicably.

There seemed to be a feather that suddenly flicked from the tip of my heart.

Lucien noticed my pause.

Lucien: What's wrong?

I hurriedly looked away, but the sensation in my heart did not calm down for a long time.

MC: ....Nothing, I just think you know a lot.

MC: You can learn to play chess by reading a book by yourself, knowing a lot of knowledge that other people don't know, and this kind of magic trick.

Hearing my analogy, the arc of his smile became even wider.

Lucien: In your eyes, I must be really great.

In the fragrant garden, Lucien smiled gently, and his narrow eyes were filled with diamonds from the sunlight.

MC: Lucien, I really like the "gate to the new world" you opened for me. It feels novel and mysterious.

MC: Why don't you teach me too?

MC: Like you said, the masters are more intentional when they moving forward.

MC: Maybe I can catch up with you soon, and then we can learn and explore more things together.

--

Unconsciously, more than half a month passed so happily and comfortably.

In these days, I have hardly seen other people, and the cavalry of the tribe has never appeared. I gradually feel relieved.

Early this morning, I came to the river to fetch water briskly.

Suddenly, a chaotic sound of horseshoes came from behind unexpectedly!

I was caught off guard and quickly kicked to the ground by a horse's hoof: it was the cavalry sent by the wizard.

I was trying to run out of the enclosure when I was struggling, and suddenly there was a sharp pain in the back of my head.

It went dark, and I fainted.

What I didn't know was that when the cavalry took me away, behind the dense woods, a long robe was blown away by the wind.

When I woke up, I found that I had been taken to a crowded street.

I looked around but did not see the guards, only the dark and gloomy voice of the wizard.

Wizard: It is because of her, this young girl who angered the gods, that caused the drought in the last two months!

Wizard: I will hold a rain prayer ceremony soon and sacrifice her to the gods.

There was a noise in the crowd, and I stared at the wizard unwillingly and resentfully.

Just when I was about to refute him loudly, an old but powerful "stop" sounded first: It was the chief who came.

My eyes slid past the chief, and widened in disbelief - it was Lucien who came with the chief!

MC: ....!

How could it be Lucien?

After the huge shock passed, the faint expectation could not be restrained rising from my chest, and I stared at Lucien intently.

Aware of my surprise and expectation, Lucien slowly blinked his eyes twice.

Chief: You are so courageous that you plan to perform a sacrifice in private!

The wizard was about to argue, the chief had already spoken to the people involuntarily.

Chief: The hermit next to me has a lot of fate with our tribe.

Chief: I was fortunate enough to get acquainted with him many years ago. He gave us the "God Water" that made the crops grow more prosperous.

Chief: In addition, he has the ability to turn stones into gold, and he is an expert who rarely shows up.

Chief: Now, he rushed over overnight after hearing the drought, and he will definitely find a solution.

Looking at the unhurried figure in front of me, my heart was pounding violently.

Lucien: To pray for rain, there is no need for a girl's sacrifice.

Lucien: I have other ways.

Lucien's words caused an uproar in the surroundings.

The wizard asked sharply.

Wizard: What if your method doesn't work? Wouldn't it be useless?

Lucien took a step forward, staring straight at the wizard with a cold look in his eyes.

Lucien: Did Mr. Wizard has the guts to gamble with me?

Lucien: See whether my method is feasible or your hypothesis is valid.

Lucien: Before that, I ask you to wait for a while.

Lucien's voice was not loud, but with firmness that could not be rejected and rebutted.

The wizard was obviously stunned, his eyes widened in a daze and no longer spoke.

Chief: When do you plan to start the ceremony?

Lucien: I need one night to prepare. In addition, I need a helper.

In the next second, Lucien raised his arm and pointed at me lightly.

Lucien: She is the most suitable.

On the dry and sultry night, Lucien sat on the ground under an empty starry sky.

He was holding a few precision instruments in his hand, as well as something that looked like a slender stick.

With the help of these instruments, he carefully observed the astrology and recorded what he was calculating.

I also sat down on the ground next to him, quietly not disturbing him.

It didn't take long for Lucien to stack up the calculation paper in his hand with confidence, smiled and opened his mouth first.

Lucien: Suddenly so quiet, what are you thinking about?

MC: Thinking about what you just wrote.

I pointed to the calculation paper in his hand.

MC: It feels like you have been observing the stars. Could it be that there is a connection between astrology and rain?

Lucien looked up at the dark sky and smiled approvingly.

Lucien: You guessed it right.

Lucien: Remember the astrology we talked about before?

Lucien: The astronomical phenomenon has its own laws. Perhaps it cannot determine the fate of people, but at least it can survey the sunny and cloudy weather.

Lucien: As long as you follow and make good use of these natural laws, it is not a different kind of "pray for rain."

MC: So, have you surveyed the rainy day?

Lucien: If the calculation is not wrong, it will rain tomorrow.

MC: Really?

MC: Do you need my help, such as letting you calculate more carefully?

Seeing me with a slight excitement, Lucien gave a low smile, his eyes seemed to be brighter than the moonlight under the vast starry sky.

Lucien: Stop thinking about it.

Lucien: The reason why I need you to be a helper is just a stopgap measure.

Lucien: The matter of surveying astrology, just leave it to me with confidence.

He stared at me steadily, and the trace of worry and anxiety that I had left was finally completely healed under such a gentle gaze.

Suddenly thinking of something, I stared awkwardly at my toes.

MC: Speaking of which, I actually owe you an apology.

MC: In fact, I would stray into your home, not to come out to ask for a living, but to avoid being arrested by the wizard.

MC: I didn't tell you the truth back then, sorry.

The air was silent for a few seconds, and a faint chuckle fell into my ears.

I raised my head to meet Lucien's deep eyes. From the corner of his mouth that was smiling, I realized something in hindsight.

MC: ...You know it long ago, don't you?

Lucien: It's not very early either.

Lucien exchanged his cross-legged posture, and faded away.

Lucien: In fact, at the beginning, I just guessed that things were not as simple as you said.

Lucien: But after seeing the cavalry yesterday, I realized that it turned out to be a little more complicated than I thought.

Lucien: So, I followed here.

MC: That’s... you came to help me specifically?

Lucien smiled and said nothing.

There was a sudden flow of heat in my chest. I quietly kept my eyes closed, not wanting him to see my hot cheeks.

The next evening. 

In order to reassure the chief and all the villagers, Lucien sat with his eyes closed in the middle of the crowd, still doing a "ritual" appearance.

As expected by Lucien, it didn't take long for the dark sky to suddenly roll up a lot of dark clouds.

Dense dark clouds enveloped the entire sky, and with the black gloom, the big raindrops suddenly fell.

The long-lost rain has moistened every corner of the dry land.

Crowd: It's raining! It's really raining!

Crowd: Thanks to the gods, this year's crops are finally saved!

A burst of excitement and ecstasy erupted from the crowd, and heartfelt joy also poured into my heart: Lucien completed the promise he made before, and I was finally safe.

The chief entertained Lucien with the highest standard dinner party of the tribe.

Not only that, the chief told me that the wizard had left the tribe in a desperate manner, and he promised that nothing similar would happen in the future.

After the dinner was over, the night was getting thicker, and the rain was still ticking.

Lucien walked beside me, his pace was not hurried, which made me feel more at ease.

I took a deep breath and looked at him with bright eyes.

MC: Lucien, I want to solemnly thank you.

MC: Thank you for taking me in at the time, and now you have saved my life from the wizard.

In the crowd, Lucien stared at me carefully, his narrow eyes filled with a gentle smile like a moon.

In the damp air, the faint sandalwood on his body lingered in my nose.

Suddenly, he leaned closer to me.

Lucien: If you really want to express gratitude, then come back with me.

MC: ...!

In this distance, his smile came into my eyes very clearly.

The feathers that once brushed my heart seemed to be blown back, making my heart pounding involuntarily.

An inexplicable emotion slowly filled my heart, and I couldn't help but raise my face to confirm to him.

MC: Why?

Lucien tilted his head, as if teasing me deliberately, with a hint of teasing in his soft tone.

Lucien: I thought we were already friends.

Lucien: Is there any problem in inviting a friend to be a guest at home?

MC: ....To show you gratitude, I went to your house as a guest? What a strange idea.

I couldn't help but muttered.

Notice Lucien's intent gaze and gentle smile, I suddenly thought of something and blinked slyly.

MC: Lucien, in fact, you can't let me go, right?

Lucien: Maybe it is.

Unexpectedly, he didn't evade at all, and nodded to me calmly.

Lucien: I used to think that living alone without being disturbed is the most comfortable way of life.

Lucien: Until I met you.

Lucien: It turns out that the world you explore with me is the most interesting.

Lucien: So now...

In the silent night, he leaned slightly, his eyes lingering on my face intently.

Lucien: Would you like to go back with me?

In the damp night breeze, I nodded gently.

---

Notes from me: I VERY VERY LOVE THIS DATE! THANK YOU PG FOR WRITING THIS BEAUTIFULLY >< IT’S A ‘HAPPY ENDING’ FOR US!!

[andraaste]

I am not your enemy - Lance fanfiction part 12

Chapter 12 is heeeere ! It's been a long time, but I sincerely hope you will like it 💕💕💕

Chapter 12 : Aengels are the most powerful breed Eldarya has ever known

" My angel "

My heart skipped several beats at the hearing of this unexpected nickname. I tried to regain my composure as I looked away from his, squeezing my legs a little tighter against me.

- It should not be so bad, I just need to learn to use it again. I don't want to bother Eweleïn for so little, I say more to try to convince myself.

Without a word, Lance stood up and patiently extended his hand to me. I hesitated for a moment, realizing my nakedness under the sheets I held tightly, as well as the light that now dimly lit the room, but his calm gaze finally decided me to trust him. Nervously, I let go of the thin fabric to wrap my fingers around his, still clamping an arm around my chest as he guided me to the large mirror that adorned one of the walls of my bedroom. Gently grabbing my shoulders, he turned my back to it and, taking another from the cabinet, he slid it into my palm made slightly sweaty by the anxiety that was driving me. The lump in my stomach, I inhaled several long seconds while plunging into his calm gaze, in which I saw the support I needed to finally face what terrified me. But my breath caught in my throat as my eyes drifted to the small psyche between my fingers.

With horror, I discovered that the entire center of my back was covered with bruises ranging from yellow to dark purple, running from between my shoulder blades to the end of my rib cage. My skin seemed mutilated, totally bruised. Since when had this become so alarming ? Tracing long uneven and voluminous lines, two misshapen bumps indicated the shape of my wings which had remained stuck during my nightmare.

I couldn't understand it anymore, it was as if my body categorically refused the blood of faery in it.

These marks repelled me.

A tear fell down my cheek again without my being able to control it, dark thoughts invading my foggy mind. But what the hell was I doing here? I was clearly not an Eldaryan and my body had reminded me of this every day since I woke up from the Crystal!

Lost in the murky stream of my thoughts, I didn't notice the dragon moving in my direction. With a slow gesture, he surprised me by coming to capture with his cold fingers the salty taste which descended the slope of my cheek.

- Please don't cry Andraste, he said softly before pausing briefly, his face serious. I am sincerely sorry that I did not understand everything that was happening to you, but I promise you that we will find a solution to all of this.

His eyes, not letting go of me for a moment, expressed a determination familiar to him.

- And I'm sorry if I hurt you earlier.

- You couldn't have known, it's nothing, I said with a weak smile at his sheepish look. And then, it was I who literally jumped on you.

An amused pout appeared on his face, which relaxed me slightly.

- It's true, I couldn't do anything to defend myself. I was helpless.

I burst into a frank laugh that Lance didn't seem to want to miss. Grinning broadly, he grabbed my t-shirt sent to the corner of the room and approached me before pulling the collar over my head.

- Let's go to sleep now, it's late.

I put the top wisely under his gentle gestures. Walking towards the bed, I watched curiously as he turned off the light.

Was he going to stay with me tonight ?

Slipping under the sheets, I felt him with some relief join me in the bed. Turned in his direction, I remained stoic not quite knowing what to do. Granted, we had kissed, but what about now that the moment was over ?

Answering my internal questions, Lance grabbed one of my hands and rested it on his chest, crossing his long fingers with mine.

My God, I didn't dare to move.

He then slipped an arm under his neck and lost himself for a moment in contemplating the ceiling. I took the opportunity to observe him. In the surrounding darkness, I could tell the white scar that marked his right nose. I detailed his features, both thin and hard, before dwelling on his full mouth.

I could still smell the fresh taste of his lips on mine.

Catching me off guard, he suddenly brought my hand to his face and kissed it, as light as a feather.

- Goodnight, my Angel.

I smile stupidly at the hearing of this nickname which I was already taking a liking to.

For the first time in several weeks, I think I finally fell asleep with peace of mind, slight tingling running through our palms coiled against each other.

***

Sitting on the infirmary's auscultation table, I nervously clenched and unclenched my fists on my removed garment as I guessed Eweleïn's eyes watching me quietly, her fingers tracing the same path as the dragon's for a few hours earlier. A violent shiver ran through me when she touched the sensitive part of my back, making me close my eyelids in the face of the shame that overwhelmed me due to my pitiful physical state. I couldn't stand those looks that reminded me of my alarming weakness.

Straightening up, my nurse sas silent for several long seconds, further increasing my stress level. The elf walked around the table and stood in front of me, looking serious.

- Andraste, why didn't you come to see me earlier ? she asked me, her tone both soft and bossy.

What could I answer ? That I was once again too fragile, too weak to bear the weight of my own origins ?

- I don’t know. At first it wasn't so alarming, but then...

I don’t finish my sentence. In truth, I had no excuse. I had only closed my eyes to the situation, no longer able to bear to appear so weak in the eyes of others as well as my own. It was grueling...

- You know that this is not your fault ? she said to me, reading me like an open book. You've lived as a human much longer than you did during Freezing, and all that time spent in the Crystal has completely disrupted your metabolism. It's not weakness, it's just your body trying to adjust.

- But why was it that before, I managed to use my powers and my wings naturally ? I almost got carried away. I hadn't been on Eldarya for a long time, yet it didn't hurt like it does now.

- I know my dear, she said with a sad look. You'll have to get your body used to it all again. I think your wit has a lot to do with it, too.

She pulled up a chair and sat down across from me, her slow, gentle movements decidedly appeasing me despite the circumstances.

- You just woke up after seven years of absence and you realize that people have erected you to the rank of goddess savior of their world. Isn't it quite normal to feel too much pressure from others ? The Crystal Hall, even since you both woke up, has become a hall of worship. In addition, you have experienced events that are very hard to bear psychologically speaking. You need to move forward at your own pace and I think your body is trying to make you understand it subconsciously.

I pondered her words. It was true that I felt the weight of people's gaze and that I no longer felt at all comfortable in the presence of people. I felt like something was constantly expected of me, that I had to show them that I was the one they had been praying for over the past few years. That I was worthy of their expectations.

Except that I was none of that. I had certainly fought Lance and had the blessing of the Oracle, but what more did I have as a person ?

Nothing. I had nothing more.

- Lance told me that you were able to use your powers again. It's a very good thing, soon you will be able to stick your wings out like a perfect aengel, believe me.

A gentle smile lit up her face as a result of those words. I wanted her to tell me the truth. That one day, I can feel this faery part in me as naturally as my human part.

Except that it wasn’t won.

The elf plunged her eyes into mine again and, grabbing my hands, she grabbed my attention.

- Honey, as far as we know, the aengels are the most powerful race Eldarya has ever known. You probably have a power so powerful inside you that you automatically reject it, but when you have learned to harness it, I can guarantee that you will finally feel completely yourself. I know how much you doubt yourself right now, and it's completely understandable given the reactions of your body, but I know that you will get better very quickly and learn to deal with your new condition.

She then slowly let go of my hands and stood up nimbly. Deep inside me, her words touched me more than I expected. I was amazed at how true she was about my condition and the way I see things now. Eweleïn was truly the most amazing person I knew.

- But for now, I'm going to give you a cream that will soothe your muscles and your back tension, she finally concluded.

Walking towards a table containing various creams and medicines, she grabbed a jar containing a mixture probably of her own making and, standing behind me, she spread with her delicate fingers the cold product all over the affected area of ​​my back. The elf was right, the concoction immediately relaxed my tight skin, easing the pressure pulsing on my muscles.

- Thank you Eweleïn, I breathed calmly. I don't know how I will do without you.

- Indeed, I wonder how you would do without me, she laughs sincerely. You can go now, but you'll have to come back tomorrow for me to see the healing progress.

Replacing my clothes on my back made sticky by the cream, I was about to get up when the elf stopped my gesture.

- For the resorption of your wings, I'm sorry but I can't do anything more. It will probably be a while before this phenomenon stops, but I understand that Lance has volunteered for your training. You know, he has wings too, maybe he can help you with that problem.

At the utterance of the dragon's first name, a diffused heat ran through my stomach. I could feel my heart race as a thin smile stretched the lips of my interlocutor.

I was sure she suspected something. Nothing seemed to escape this woman, especially not my emotions.

With a much lighter heart, I closed the door to the infirmary behind me and huffed loudly. Despite everything, this interview with Eweleïn had done me the greatest good. I felt relieved, as if weighed down by a weight that had choked me for days.

Walking down the hall, I heard noise coming from the side of the Council Chamber. Catching my gaze, I found Nevra standing not far from me. The vampire walked in my direction, making my heart beat even faster.

- Hello, Andraste. Are you coming out of the infirmary again ?

My teeth gritted at his remark, to say the least, out of place, I was a little too upset to argue with him today.

- Hello, Nevra, I replied defensively. What is this sudden interest in my presence worth to me ? You seemed to rather avoid me, these last few weeks.

Blown away by my answer, he exhaled loudly before visibly trying to ease the tension.

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.

- It's funny, I just thought that you were trying to be disagreeable. Finally, it is probably me who wins me again.

Turning on my heels, I started down the stairs when the vampire's hand grabbed my wrist.

- They weren't empty words, Andraste. I am really sorry.

I remained resolutely turned towards the hall of the room of the doors, not wishing to face his gaze when I already felt my tears ready to resurface. I really had to work on my emotional management.

- It's not the first time you've apologized, yet we're still at the same point, I said weakly. Let me go, please.

Despite my request, the young man didn’t move a millimeter. I felt he wanted to add something, but what ? He finally resolved to let go, changing his attitude yet again.

- Your bodyguard isn't with you, this time ?

I felt all the bitterness in his voice. No, he was not allowed to play it to me like that, not after all the animosity he had offered me after my waking up.

- At least, he doesn't spend his time pretending I don't exist.

Without a glance in his direction, I hurtled down the steps to the forge. I really needed to externalize all the conflicting feelings that were literally eating me up. I had to let off steam, find something to relieve myself.

Slamming the door open, I slammed into a chest that I now knew pretty well.

Lance grabbed my arm before I found myself knocked down by the force of his body.

- Everything all right, Andraste?

No, it wasn't.

Why did I want to kiss him every damn time I saw him ?

(Chapter 13)

[restlessfandoming]

“the president and the troublemaker” (part 9) (chilumi fic)

“Lumine is the student council president and Childe is the school’s number one troublemaker. They cross paths more than they’d like. Especially when Childe finds out Lumine’s big secret. Highschool AU à la Kaichou wa Maid-sama.”

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8]

my brain b decayin luv 

[Fic Masterlist] // [AO3 Link] // [Main AO3]

the president and the troublemaker (part 9)

Was this a hallucination? 

Had Lumine been out in the sun for too long? 

Surely, there was no way she was about to fight Childe of all people. 

And yet, there he stood, with that stupid grin of his, stretching his arms across the ring from her. 

“What are you doing here?” Lumine said through gritted teeth. 

“And let you have all the fun, all alone? No way,” he teased. He stretched his arms upwards, his gray tank top riding up as well, exposing well-sculpted abs (which of course made a gaggle of girls screech nearby). He caught sight of Lumine’s gaze, and laughed. “Aren’t you a little hot in that t-shirt, Lumi?” 

Bastard. 

Lumine would’ve obliterated the ground underneath that smirking ginger if she could. 

“Hey, ref,” she said to the man sitting on the lifeguard chair behind her. “Any illegal moves we can’t do?” 

The man pondered for a second. “Not really—we’re pretty casual here.” He laughed. “Just make sure you guys don’t hurt each other too much.” 

“No promises,” Lumine muttered, marching to the center of the ring. 

Childe copied her movements, and eventually stood before her. “Looks like we’re the last two left,” he said. “I wonder who will become champion of this little competition?” 

Lumine didn’t respond, instead choosing to glare up at him. 

He tilted his head curiously. “Lumine…,” he asked lowly. “Did I really hurt you earlier?” 

No, you didn’t hurt me. She didn’t know what he was doing to her. 

Her life was going perfectly fine, the exact way she had planned, until Childe found out her secret. Not only did he find out her secret, he had inserted himself into her life, and left her a swirling mess of confusing feelings—feelings she had never experienced before nor any idea of how to deal with them. He said he loved her. 

“Ready!” the referee shouted. 

Lumine raised her fists up. 

Childe mimicked her with raised brows. “That doesn’t really look like a wrestling stance to me.” 

The referee blew the whistle—the match had begun. 

Lumine immediately swung forward with a punch, to which Childe blocked easily with his forearm. 

His eye twitched. “Are you sure you want to do this?” 

Lumine swung again, with her other arm, and Childe quickly moved back, out of the way. The crowd around them broke into hushed murmurs as the realization set in that this was not a normal match.

Childe shook out his hands, then raised them back up, cocking his head from side to side. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” With a grin, he lunged towards her with a fast and powerful swing. 

Lumine felt the air blow past her face as she jumped back, her palm catching his other fist as it came in quick succession milliseconds after. She shoved his hand away, with her leg darting out in an attempt to sweep him off his feet. 

He jumped, and using the brief window of distraction, she swung at his face again. At the last second, his hands caught her forearm, and she was now stuck in his vice grip. 

“Come on, Lumine,” he breathed. “Tell me what’s wrong.” 

She tried pulling her arm away, to no avail. “You,” she hissed. 

His grip loosened, just a bit, and Lumine yanked her arm out. 

“Me?” he asked. “What about me exactly?” 

“Everything.” She threw a jab at his face. “Everything you do.” Another jab. “You tease me. You confuse me.” A sweep with her foot. “I don’t know what’s happening to me—because of you.”

Childe dodged every single one of her moves, though his brows were now furrowed in concentration, and a slick sheen of sweat glistened on his face; they were tiring each other out. At this rate, neither one of them would win. Lumine’s frustration grew, bubbling and festering deep in her gut. 

“If you want me to stop,” Childe said, “I will.” He threw a punch at her. “Say the word, and I’ll go away.” Each word he said was punctuated with a swing at her, backing her up further and further. 

Do I want him to disappear?

If he did, her life could go back to normal—she could go back to normal. 

And yet, part of her knew it wouldn’t feel right.

He had really taken her out of her comfort zone, broadened her horizons. Made her a better fighter. A better person. 

Childe wasn’t the problem. The problem was her: it was her frustration and her inability to figure out how she felt about him.

“Do you really hate me, Lumine?” Childe asked. 

No. 

I like you, you idiot. 

She stepped back, ready to answer through her fists. What she didn’t realize, however, how far back she was, and she crashed directly into the referee’s chair. 

There were sharp gasps from the audience as she fell onto her back, the wind knocked from her lungs, too stunned to roll out of the way as the tall metal chair came tumbling down on her. She could only shut her eyes, and brace for impact. 

The unmistakable hollow sound of metal against skin resounded in her ears. But she didn’t feel anything. She opened her eyes. 

Poised above her was Childe, his hands on either side of her head, while his body shielded hers; his face was twisted in pain. 

“Childe?” Lumine whispered. 

He opened his eyes, and upon seeing her gazing right back at him, he forced a meek smile. 

“Hey, girlie,” he said, strained. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah.” She put a hand on his chest, gentle, trying to help stabilize his shaking arms. “What about you?”

A heavy huff of a breath. “I’m fine.”

The chair was lifted off of him as spectators gathered around the two, a swirl of questions and calls for medical attention. 

As he sat up, Lumine sat up as well, her hand subconsciously clutching the front of his shirt, holding him close as her concern grew. 

Childe kept persisting he was fine to everyone around, but when someone behind noted a large bruise was blossoming across his back—so large it was visible through his top—Lumine turned him around and examined it herself. 

Her fingers traced the injury, and when Childe winced, she told him they were going to the nearest clinic—no arguments. After a hasty call to Kaeya and Aether explaining the situation, the two were sitting in one of the clinic’s rooms, waiting for the doctor. 

“I told you, I’m fine,” Childe repeated from his seat on the exam table. “It’s just a bruise. It’ll go away.”

“You really don’t like getting your injuries treated,” Lumine huffed from her chair nearby. “You didn’t even want to go to a hospital after diving off a building.” 

He shrugged with a smile. “What can I say? I like to test the limits of my strength.”

Lumine rolled her eyes. “You’re not invincible, you know.” 

“I’d like to think so.”

“Jesus, who let your ego grow this much?” 

“I haven’t died yet, so there’s nothing to prove I’m not invincible.”

Lumine stood, and poked at his back. She saw his muscles jolt and scoffed. “You sure about that?”

Childe leaned back on his hands. “Injuries and scars mean nothing if I’m still breathing.” 

Lumine looked at him curiously. “What kind of mentality is that?” 

He looked back at her, his blue eyes dark in thought. Then, he grabbed the collar of his shirt, and pulled it over his head. 

Immediately, Lumine slammed her eyes shut, even throwing her arms over her face to block out her vision completely. “What are you doing?!” she managed to squeak out. 

There was a soft chuckle from Childe, and before she knew it, he had gently grabbed her hand, guiding it towards it, until she felt her fingers flat against his chest. She let out another squeak as her hand felt his bare skin.

Though it definitely didn’t feel normal. It felt smooth, unnatural. Lumine opened one eye to peek. 

There was a large pinkish-white scar etched on his sternum. A knife wound of sorts. Right by the heart. Life threatening.

“Some no good scumbags did this to me when I was young,” Childe explained. “Insignificant now, but maybe the reason I push myself so much. Nothing will ever come close to this life-or-death moment.” 

Lumine’s entire system felt dry as she imagined a little boy with a smattering of orange hair and bright blue eyes with this wound, gaping of blood. What kind of monsters…? “Do...Do you know who did this to you?” Lumine didn’t realize how hoarse her voice sounded until she heard her nearly trembling voice spill out. 

Another chuckle, a little darker this time. “What? Are you going to get revenge for me?” 

Lumine’s eyes stung. “You’re not angry? Upset that some monsters out there nearly killed you? When you were only a kid?”

“Woah, woah, woah.” Childe let out a sheepish laugh. “Didn’t mean to make you upset, Lumine.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, straining to keep the tears at bay. “I just...I’m always so dependent on you. Whenever I need help, you’re just magically there to save the day.” Her head hung down, eyes fixed on the floor. “I can’t even repay you for all the times you’ve come to my rescue. And you’re always the one to get hurt. Even when I’m horrible, when I’m stubborn and angry and—”

Childe wrapped his arms around Lumine, pulling her in for a tight embrace. “I’m plenty dependent on you too, Lumi.” His words buzzed against her ear as his chin rested on her shoulder. 

She hesitated a moment. But her arms eventually found their way around him as well. “Just...let me help you. Like how you help me.”

He pulled back, just a bit, his lips ghosting over her forehead as he murmured, “You already are.”

Lumine looked up at him, how impossibly close he was. Her eyes trickled down to his lips.

His eyes followed hers, and she felt his muscles tense against her skin. 

As the heat crept from the pit of her stomach to the apples of her cheeks, Lumine’s eyelids fluttered closed, and she leaned in—

CLICK.

“Alrighty, how are we doing today—?” 

Lumine and Childe froze and turned to the open door. The doctor looked back at them with raised brows. 

“Sorry, should I come back…?” the doctor asked, his voice lined with amusement.

Lumine’s arms snapped back to her own body as she frantically waved in front of her. “N-no, no, no; ah, uhm, sorry, doctor!” She quickly deflated back into the chair, facing the wall away from Childe as the doctor began his examination. 

Her heart was constantly hammering away at her chest the entire time, barely noticing the exam was over until Childe tapped her arm, jolting her back to reality. 

“Ready to go, Lumi?” he asked, a wide grin splitting his face. 

“Already? What did the doctor say?” 

“Oh? Were you a little...distracted?” If possible, his grin stretched wider. 

Lumine stood, leaving the room abruptly. “You can die for all I care,” she muttered sarcastically. 

He jogged to keep up with her. “He said I was okay: just a bad bruise that will go away after a while.” 

The two exited the building, walking into the colorful sorbet glow of sunset. 

“Back to the beach house?” Lumine asked. 

Childe hummed in agreement. There was a brief pause before he leaned down, right into her shoulder, and said, “Unless you want to finish where we left off.” 

Lumine put her palm on his forehead, shoving him away, his laugh breezing her arm. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she answered, walking away. I am going to die from embarrassment. 

God, she had never been so...so vulnerable in front of someone. To think, she was about to kiss—

“You never did answer me, by the way,” Childe said, walking by her side. 

“What?”

“When we were fighting.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Whether you hate me or not.” 

Lumine bit the side of her cheek. “What about you?” she blurted. “Do you really love me, or is it just another one of your stupid jokes?” 

“Does it bother you?” 

Childe had stopped walking, his expression all tight lines.

“Does it bother you?” Childe repeated. “If I’m in love with you?” 

Was she going to continue running from him? Denying anything and everything about him? In the end, it would just hurt them both, wouldn’t it? 

“No,” Lumine answered quietly. 

A soft smile tugged at Childe’s lips, and he stepped in front of her, putting his hand on top of her head. “And do you hate me, Lumi?” 

“N-no.” 

“Again.”

Her face scrunched. “I...I don’t hate you, Childe.” 

I like you. Why couldn’t she just say it?

“Don’t look so constipated, Pres.” 

Lumine’s jaw dropped as her head snapped up at Childe’s face. “I am not—!”

Childe kissed her forehead, gently, his hand delicately placed on her cheek. 

“Thank you, Lumine,” he said, his breath rustling her golden locks. “For everything today.” 

She clutched his shirt, legs shaking—but she didn’t back away. “I should be the one saying thank you. For saving me.” 

“Always.” 

“I’ll save you too,” Lumine whispered. “I swear.” 

“It’s a promise, then,” Childe whispered back.

* * *

[part 10]