#i wonder if 80 years from now the world is gonna be that drastically different

[fraseris]

anybody else think about how insane it was for people born in the 1880s who lived into the 1960s. like thats 80 years. victorian era to the cold war

[babyybitchhh]

Thotty Thursday: Part One

There ain’t no goddamn way I could start something like this and not come out swinging with the top dog. The heavy weight champ. My personal creme de la creme. The character who started it all and made me what I am today. That’s right, I blame all this thotty shit on this demon man right here.

“Holy blast from the past, Batman!” You cry out in dismay. “What is this, some 80’s shit!?”

I’ll have you know Yu Yu Hakusho is all 90’s, baby. Just like me. 😤

So let me tell y’all a little bit about my number one husbando. He’s perfect, for starters. Like, I’d challenge you to name one thing Hiei ever did wrong, ever.

You know what, never mind. Let’s not get into that right now.

Okay, I admit my dude has a bit of a harried past and he’s not ever always the nicest but that gives him depth. Range. He CAN go deep and he WILL.

If you catch my drift 👀

So when this bite sized snack was first introduced in the narrative he was all bad. Like bad bad. At just a glance, there was nothing good or redeeming about him and it wasn’t until later that we find out he’s something of a sympathetic antihero.

His moral alliances didn’t matter to eleven year old me one bit tho, this shit had me straight up fantasizing about becoming a ruthless thief and running off to the demon world with the man who literally knocked me on my ass

And when I say literally I don’t mean figurative, haha ironic literally. I mean literally literally

PHEW please believe that I would betray all y’all for even a single night with Hiei, on god 😩

Did i mention he’s a demon yet?

Yeah, in addition to having the super amazing ability to control fire at will, he also has a very ... eye catching transformation. 👁👁

Now, I’ve seen even some die hard fangirls reject this form but it really doesn’t bother me. I actually rather like that particular shade of green and I don’t think it detracts from his good looks - if anything it just adds another layer to the evil mysterious bad boy vibe he’s got going on.

You think I wouldn’t throw my pussy in a circle for him just because he’s covered in eyeballs??

Hah

Think again

However I will say having sex in this form would probably be an awkward affair all around. Not only because having that many eyes impassively staring me down might cause a serious case of stage fright, but also because ... those peepers on his chest bout to get poked out by my titties! 😳

I mean, if he’s into that I won’t put up much of a fight

But I personally can’t imagine having a nipple touch your cornea being a very pleasant experience

Anyway

Can we talk about those gorgeous ruby red eyes on his perfect little face for one gotdamn second please???

I admit, I am weak for a man with red eyes and that’s 100% Hiei’s fault

The only ones that even come close to being as captivating and intense are Senkuu’s (Dr. Stone, for those of you not in the know) but even his don’t hit QUITE as hard as Hiei’s

Can you even begin to imagine how it would feel to have him staring you down in a completely casual setting let alone an intimate one?? 😳

Mark me down as scared AND horny

I especially like how one minute they’ll be sharp, pinpoint dots that just tell you in no uncertain terms he’s out for blood

Which he usually is but that is neither here nor there

And then the next moment, his eyes are huge and taking up half his face

It seems like his eyes are at their biggest and most vulnerable looking whenever his sister is involved (which, for the sake of spoilers on a 25+ year old series I will not go into too much) or when he’s particularly eager about something (usually fighting) OR when someone inexplicably manages to appeal to his emotions. And trust me when I say that is a lot easier said than done

Hiei is one of the toughest eggs to crack in my harem but I like the challenge 😤

He’s not all fire and brimstone (mostly but not entirely) and I know he can lay the pipe like a goddamn CHAMP

I know his dick big, I know it is

That’s why he’s so short. All of his nutritional intake went straight to his cock but I can tell just by looking that he’s slanging some grade A meat. Do not fight me on this. I will throw hands to defend his honor and that is not a joke

I’m a strong enough bitch to stand by him even when he’s getting roasted by the squad. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.

Ofc that’s not to say he’d just stand there and let them drag him, but the point here is that I’ve got his back and that’s what counts

“But he looks like Vegeta 2.0” you reasonably point out and to that I say “what about it?”

I mean. Can Vegeta do THIS?

I’m just joking, I was a thirsty little slut over Vegeta too

Short king solidarity ✊😤

His height doesn’t even bother me fr fr tho because 1: I’m about 90% sure he’s still growing by demon standards and his sister is also quite short whereas their mother was a normal height 2: I’m also short so it’s not like I’d be towering over him anyway and 3: some men like taking a girl who’s bigger than them and bending her to their will

And when I say he’s an unchallenged top ... Lord have mercy 🥵

Every encounter with him in or out the bed would be a challenge. Every 👏 single 👏one 👏

But I believe that with enough patience it’s totally possible to chip away at his mile wide walls and I know for a fact he’d be a great (if not slightly yandereish) lover

Protective in a standoffish way, territorial, demanding, strong enough to carry you in one arm while he slashes demons in half with the other, intensely intimate, just the right amount of Demon Crazy to keep the relationship exciting 🤪

Note I said Demon Crazy and not regular ol’ crazy. There IS a difference

Just whatever you do, don’t let this big eyed baby face fool you

Hiei is not the type to share his toys or let them question who’s in charge. He lacks social finesse in a general sense and his interpersonal skills are ... toeing the negative, to say the least

Plus he’s a demon so his idea of courtship is going to be drastically different from mine. If he decides he wants it then by god he’s gonna take it and I respect that

Tbh I’d anticipate some low key stalking from this dude - the kind that you don’t even notice until it’s much too late and I don’t mean he’d be lingering around every corner or conveniently there each time you turned around. No, that’s too basic for a man like this

Tbh you wouldn’t even know he was there unless he WANTED you to know

You see that third eye he’s sporting?

It gives him telepathic abilities

That’s right. In addition to controlling fire and having a multi eyed form that should appeal to any self respecting monster fucker, he can ALSO read minds

Y’all

If this man had any idea what I was thinking about him ... 😰

He’d probably kill me for the insolence, let’s not lie

But this is MY romantic fantasy and I say fuck that

He’d be able to keep tabs on you at all hours of the day, any time, anywhere - you wouldn’t even be safe from his ever watchful eye(s) while sleeping and though it’s not an ability canon touched on I see absolutely no reason why he couldn’t telepathically slip into your dreams

A nighttime visit from Hiei? Preferably a horny one? 👀 sign me the fuck up

Imagine peacefully sawing some logs and fucking around in dreamland when he suddenly appears before you acting like your very presence is a bother

Then why are you here?? I didn’t ask you to come into my dreams, thank you very much

He responds in kind and his pointed jabs just get you more and more riled up until he finally pounces

Absolutely demolishes the pussy

I’m talking put that kitty in the grave

Then when you wake up the first thing you notice is how slick you are between the thighs

“Must’ve been a crazy dream” you mutter like the dummy thicc bitch you are

But when you look down at your sore wrist, you can see faint, blooming splotches in the shape of fingertips and you realize it was all real

A demon fucked you in your sleep and you enjoyed the hell out of it

“I wonder if he accepts frequent flyer miles” 🤔 

How he finna grab the pussy

Like, hello??? Am I the only one thinking about this stuff??

Yes?

Okay then, damn. Guess I’ll just crawl back into my 90’s, smells like teen spirit cave

It’s quite comfy, actually, thanks in no small part to Hiei keeping it nice and toasty for me

The dick helps too

[rayofspades]

Everyone in the World Forgot How Remakes and Sequels Work and I Have to Talk About It Because I’m Losing My Mind

I tried very, very hard to make this a coherent and somewhat organized post, but it’s still gonna sound like the ravings of a mad woman, so...prepare yourself.

Also, this isn’t gonna be an analysis of why remakes and sequels are so popular, because it’s exactly as simple as it seems: people like things that make them feel nostalgic and creators have caught on to this and realized that by remaking a familiar property, their new product has a built in fan base.

Great.

What I want to talk about is how the concept of remakes/reboots/sequels/whatever has been kind of destroyed. Both audiences and Hollywood have created these weird perceptions that are flooding the market in a way that is exhausting to audiences and confusing to creators. 

So, I’m here to discuss all the different types of remakes and why they work or don’t work and how this culture has been conditioned to support them regardless of quality.

Alright,

let’s do this.

Part 1: Cross-Media Remakes:

I find it somewhat impossible to criticize the existence to book--> movie remakes too much because they’re a vehicle for both creativity and audience expansion, even in cases where they’re motivated by money. Harry Potter and The Hunger Games made for some pretty solid movies, and that’s largely because those books just translated well to film. Obviously some changes had to be made to account for time constraints and visual storytelling, but they can get away with having a similar structure and still feeling entirely new based on the hard shift in presentation from book to film. 

I would make a similar argument for Marvel movies. From what I understand, those movies change more from their source material, and there are a lot of them, but it makes perfect sense to adapt comic books to reach a wider audience. I feel like the main reason people are becoming tired of Marvel movies is their overwhelming quantity, not so much the fact that they’re remakes. 

I would also love to talk about the popularity of GoT and LotR, but I don’t think I’m familiar enough with those franchises to properly discuss them, so I’ll leave that to someone else.

But there is something else I want to talk about.

While Harry Potter and The Hunger Games translated really well to film, the same isn’t true for some other cross media adaptations. 

Part 2: Adapt or Die:

In the late 70s, Stephen King wrote The Shining. I’ve read the book and I really enjoyed it, largely due to King’s writing style (the prose, the internal monologues, etc.)

The thing is, The Shining doesn’t really translate well into the film format; it’s really long and a lot of what makes it good is tied to its presentation.

So when Stanley Kubrick adapted The Shining into a film in the early 80s, he changed a lot.

Like

a lot.

The setting and characters remain pretty much the same, and the story follows similar beats, but certain events and themes have been drastically altered to the point where I would consider it a different story.

(Brief aside; the three most famous/iconic scenes from the film (”Here’s Johnny!” “All work and no play”, and Jack frozen in the snow) are ALL exclusive to the film.)

Regardless, both the movie and the book have maintained their own popularity with their own audiences. Both are considered good and both are considered classics. 

Although, from what I’ve heard, The Shining film did receive criticism back in the day for being needlessly unpleasant. Interesting. 

It’s a somewhat similar story with John Carpenter. If you ask people to list good remakes, 90% of the time people will list The Thing (1982). It’s practically the poster child for “hey, not all remakes are bad, guys.” 

In this case, Carpenter was working from both a previous movie (The Thing From Another World) and the prior novella (”Who Goes There?”). Carpenter’s film definitely borrows more from the novella, but it was obviously going to be compared more to the previous film, and it is  v e r y different from the previous film. Carpenter’s film (like The Shining) received criticism for how gross and unpleasant it was, but became the definitive version of The Thing and stood the test of time to become a horror classic.

Basically, if you need to change the original product when remaking it, do it. That is the best thing you could possibly do. It gives the creator a chance to actually create their own unique product that just happens to be based on or inspired by an existing property. This is actually a legitimately cool phenomenon; taking preexisting stories and altering them to fit a new cultural context or simply expanding and improving on ideas. It’s a similar concept to “old wives tales” and fairy tales, and how those stories are constantly changed and retold and in doing so become timeless. Gee I wonder if fairy tales are going to come up later in this post.

Part 3: Bad Changes are Bad

*Strums guitar* This one goes out to all audience members out there who have convinced themselves that bad remakes are bad because they’re too different from the original. *Strums guitar*

Stop. 

Please stop.

Look, comparing a remake to an original to showcase how bad the remake is is perfectly valid criticism. It can highlight how an idea can be botched when it’s not handled properly. Sure. That’s fine. I highly encourage people to compare the dialogue, characters, and world building of Avatar: The Last Airbender and M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender. It’s important to recognize how one story is an utter fucking masterpiece and one is a poorly told train wreck.

Here’s the thing:

people seem to criticize the film on the basis of “it’s different” and, I mean, sure. But it’s not just that it’s different, it’s that it’s different and....um....

bad? 

Like, one of the “complaints” I saw about the movie was that firebenders now need actual fire in front of them in order to bend it, and I consider that to be just a neutral change. It’s not really better or worse, it’s just different. And please don’t comment on this post with “skflsfjsf NO it’s because in the original firebenders used the SUN as their source of fire” like yeah I know I get it it’s still an inconsequential change.

Now, saying that the earthbenders being held on land as opposed to the sea is a bad change? Yes, that is valid criticism because it makes no goddamn sense within the movie’s universe and just makes everyone look dumb.

That movie is an utter fucking disaster. It’s poorly directed, it’s poorly written, the casting decisions are baffling, the acting is horrible, it’s poorly paced, and it’s bad.

It’s a bad movie.

I would apply the same logic to the new Death Note live action movie (the American one). Putting aside the racial controversy for a minute, I’m fine with changing things about the plot and structure to properly adapt it into a movie. But...yeah. The plot is bad. It just comes across as really dumb and weird.

So yeah, bad remakes are bad, but it’s not as simple as just being “different.”

If y’all keep complaining about remakes making changes, then you’re only encouraging the products I’m about to talk about in the next few Parts.

Arguably the worst and most prolific products of them all...

Part 4: Sometimes, Things That Are the Same.......Are Worse

Alright, I’m gonna start with a really extreme example, but it perfectly captures the essence of what I’m trying to say.

In 1998, Gus Van Sant made the incredibly confusing and brave(?) decision to remake Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. And I do mean “remake,” as in, it is shot for shot the same movie. It’s some sort of bizarre cinematic experiment.

I really like the original movie, so you would assume that, since this movie is literally the same movie, I would like it too.

I don’t.

No one does.

It’s the same movie but with worse performances.

It’s pointless.

Its existence is both unnecessary and confusing. Watching it was a bizarre experience that just made me wish I was watching the original.

(The best part about this is that 15 years after this remake came out, Carlton Cuse and Kerry Ehrin solved remakes forever by making Bates Motel; a contemporary prequel/reimagining of Psycho (1960). This show takes the characters and key events from the Hitchcock film and puts them in a different setting with an altered version of plot points. The creators openly and repeatedly state that they did not want to just remake Psycho and instead wanted to tell a tragedy/thriller using the framework of Psycho. To me, this perfectly encapsulates what remakes are supposed to be. It’s a good show and it’s severely underrated. Please go watch it, just ignore like half of season 3 and you’re gold.)

Unfortunately, the most common and (arguably) the most frustrating type of remake/sequel/reboot/whatever is the “let’s do the same thing...but different” type.  They can be a retread of the original plot or just take the title and elements of the original and use them while adding nothing substantially new.

Independence Day: Resurgence, Alien Covenant, The Thing (2011), and proooobably most direct sequels in any popular franchise (like the Transformers movies) fall under this category. 

The most notable ones in recent years are D i s n e y  r e m a k e s, but those get their own section.

Also, I’m hesitant to talk about these because it might just be a cultural difference, but it deeply bothers me when I see Japanese live action films that are based on anime and they just...keep everything the same? 

Like, in a live action remake of FMA, why the fuck wouldn’t you make up some grotesque and upsetting monster thing for the Nina Tucker scene? Why would you just use the design from the manga/anime??? WHY WOULDN’T YOU ADAPT IT TO MAKE IT WORK FOR LIVE ACTION?????????????????????????????????????

But hey, what do I know. It might just be a culture thing.

From what I’ve gathered and experienced, people have the following problems with these types of overly-faithful and/or pointless remakes:

1) They’re boring because it’s just a retread that feels inferior. 

2) They try to replicate elements of the original without understanding the actual appeal (aka the tangible details are addressed while the underlying ideas get sidelined or misunderstood).

3) They just...don’t adapt well.

Even if we were to take The Last Airbender and give it to a competent director who has a decently written script, that’s a case where you probably should have changed a lot more to properly make the jump from animated show to live action movie. Obviously, a lot of things would need to be cut or moved around in order to properly pace it.

I’m gonna talk more about this type of movie in a different section so for now let’s move on to the most recent remake craze that’s driving me up the wall.

Part 5: “I’ve got the power of remakes and anime on my side”

Fuck.

So part of the appeal of anime for me has always been its creativity. While some of it is pretty derivative when looking at specific genres, I’ve always found there to be a significantly wider range of creative ideas and concepts in anime than in any other medium. 

But now the industry’s running on fumes and someone let it slip that you can make a quick buck by just remaking a popular IP.

Fuck.

And I don’t wanna rag on the new-ish trend of readapting old anime for the sake of following the recently completed manga. This has had unbelievably successful results with FMA:B and Hunter x Hunter (2011) becoming massive critical hits (and two of my favourite shows).

(Although it hasn’t escaped my attention that studios have, in fact, used this gimmick to make half-baked and poorly crafted products with the knowledge that the existing fan base will buy that shit anyways. I’m looking directly at Berserk (2016) and Book of the Atlantic.)

But now they’re also adapting/sequel-ing shows purely for the sake of cashing in on the original (or adapting pre-made sequel products that were already made with that mindset in the first place).

Clear Card was boring as fuck and transparently existed to sell toys. 

I dropped Steins;Gate 0 after around 8 episodes when it become abundantly clear that it took the “let’s take elements of the old plot and just....do stuff” route without keeping any of what made the original cool and unique. 

The Evangelion movies seem really antithetical to the original show, and the third one feels like it was made by someone who thought they understood Evangelion and hated it. (But luckily the original is coming to Netflix next year so who even cares. Give me that 10/10 show.)

Although I will admit, Devilman Crybaby’s existence kind of falls under what I was saying earlier in this post. It’s one of many adaptations of an old manga that is changed substantially to fit the current cultural climate, with some unique aesthetic changes thrown in there for good measure.

It’s pretty okay.

But um...

Oh boy...

We’re about to get into it lads.

Part 6: Production IG Broke My Whole Brain. Brain Broken. Dead. No Brain.

Hooooooooo boy.

So, FLCL (also known as Fooly Cooly) is one of my favourite shows. In fact, it’s the only show I’ve ever watched that I have absolutely no problems with. None. Not even nitpicks. 

I’ve watched it 6 times, including with director’s commentary. It has an utterly perfect and unique/fluid aesthetic and I wish its visuals were just playing in my brain all of the time. It’s an arthouse comedy, which is a...rare (nonexistent?) genre, and it pulls it off perfectly. Its cool, its beautiful, its silly, its poetic, its creative, it has great themes that can reach both teenagers and adults, and there is literally nothing else on the planet like it.

So when it was announced that they were making a sequel 18 years later with a different cast of characters, I was...weirdly excited. Like a pavlovian happy response. I got even more excited after seeing the trailer.

Only a short while before the show aired did it dawn on me.

Wh...what are they doing?

From the trailer, I could see that they were taking some familiar plot elements (Medical Mechanica, Haruko, N.O., Atomsk, etc.) and adding some different protagonists.

Um

who gives a single fuck about the plot of Fooly Cooly?

The plot elements...don’t matter. It’s just a vehicle for cool and amazing things to happen.

So the show came out, and I saw more clips on youtube. While it is cool that they’re using different episode directors with some different art styles, the difference in quality between the directing and overall visual presentation is shockingly noticeable. I partially blame the fact that the anime industry isn’t as financially stable as it used to be, but this is also a Production IG show that’s based on an extremely popular property, so that’s barely an excuse. 

It mostly just looks like an anime with some cool stylistic elements, whereas the original looks stunningly perfect, dynamic, unique, and beautiful in every single solitary shot. 

I’ve read and watched many reviews of the sequel, both positive and negative, and from what I can tell it’s a textbook example of a “lets take components of the original and just...use them...while kind of missing the point and appeal of the original show.” Fooly Cooly is made of 100% intangible details. That thing is lightning in a bottle, and by taking the tangible details (plot elements and callbacks) and putting them in your show, you’ve already proven that you’ve completely and 100% missed the point.

Also:

this is the new show’s MAL score. While I consider anything between a 6 and a 7 to be “okay,” MAL scores tend to be higher since people rate on separate components of the show.

Like, a 6.7 on MAL is probably a 3 for everyone else. Yikes.

But honestly, the quality of the show is completely irrelevant, because that’s not the actual problem.

The only way to make a new FLCL product would be by accident. Have a director make a deeply personal product in which they do whatever the fuck they want. Have it be stylistically wild and make it look amazing. Create some sort of arthouse comedy with resonant themes and then just get Production IG to slap the FLCL brand on it to appeal to people’s nostalgia.

And that’s when it hit me.

That’s when my whole brain broke.

That accidental, spiritual sequel product can never happen. 

Because it looks like a huge risk to producers. 

Somehow, by remaking one of the most original and generation defining pieces of media ever created, Production IG proved that we do not live in a world where that type of product is allowed to exist. It can’t exist.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Part 7: Disney and the Culture of Hype(rbole)

When I was young, my family owned two versions of Cinderella on film. The 1950 Disney animated version, and the 1997 live-action version with Brandy. 

Obviously, they’re the same story. They follow the same beats and have the same characters. However, there are some major differences in scenes, character portrayal and, most notably, the songs. Both are musicals, but with completely different soundtracks. 

If we want to go even further, we also owned Ever After, which is a completely different retelling of Cinderella with a whole new plot made for an older audience (and it’s also very good. Check it out)

In other words, I have nothing against live action Disney remakes, In fact, I think Disney movies based on fairy tales have become their own type of fairy tale; classic stories that are being constantly retold and reshaped to remain both relevant and timeless. It’s beautiful.

What the fuck is Disney doing in the 2010s?

Right now, the trend seems to be completely recreating older Disney classics, only making them live action and, um, “fixing” them.

If you want a detailed analysis of this, go watch the Lindsay Ellis video about Beauty and the Beast. I’ll briefly sum up, but you should definitely watch the video.

Look, I personally don’t hate Beauty and the Beast (2017), but once you notice that the Beast’s character arc doesn’t really exist...

and that there are a bunch of plot threads that either don’t go anywhere or are just kind of pointless...

and that there’s a weird trolley problem with Belle and the servants that completely botches the moral of the story....

and that by adding a bunch of logic to a fucking fairy tale you’re stripping it of its appeal and also just creating plot holes...

and that the singing isn’t nearly as good as the original...

and a bunch of other problems with acting and characterization....

you start to notice that “hey, they made the exact same movie....but worse.”

But, people are okay with that.

Most people didn’t even really notice. And that’s fine, like what you like. I enjoyed the movie well enough, even though I definitely prefer the original. But...I would probably also like a different retelling of Beauty and the Beast if it was a good product. Except, then it would also be...new? And potentially better? Or at least a lateral move.

I just watched the trailer for the new Lion King (2019), and it looks...kind of good. But even thinking this...I kind of long for death, because the entire trailer is just “hey, remember THIS from the original.”

I’m just...I’m just done. I’m burnt out. I’ve had it.

When are we gonna stop making the same movie over and over again?

Or when are the changes actually going to make sense? I’ve seen most of Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland and it just goes in the opposite direction of changing everything, but the changes are just.....uggggh. Not good. Bad changes are bad.

The thing with Disney is that they are also a hype generating machine, especially after purchasing both Marvel and Star Wars. I once heard someone say in a video that, back in the day, people were trying to make the best possible product so it would sell and get popular. People...don’t really need to do that anymore. If you get 304958493093 billion people excited about the next movie in their favourite 80s franchise by promoting and hyping the shit out of it, then you’ve already secured tons of butts in seats before the movie even comes out. Every movie is an event movie if it comes from Disney and is part of one of their big franchises. Every new thing based on an old thing is the new “best thing.”

Even a new sequel that I actually liked, The Incredibles 2, was weirdly hyped up. (Also, even though I liked it, it didn’t escape my notice that there were a bunch of plot problems with the villain and the script proooobably needed another draft. Just saying.)

So, the big questions are, in this current culture, are we ever going to get another original sci-fi property, like the 80s Star Wars trilogy? Are we ever going to see a boom in a genre outside of Disney owned properties? Are we ever going to get another insane, passion-project smash hit like Fooly Cooly?

No. I don’t think so.

Not in the current state of things. 10 years from now? Maybe. 20 years from now? Probably. 

Part 8: Concluding Thoughts

I don’t know, man.

People are still making original things, but they’re not as popular and/or creative as they need to be to change where we are right now.

The very existence of Get Out does lend me some hope. It was a creative and original movie and a very large audience of people (including myself) really liked it. 

Yay.

More of this please. 

So, um, yeah.

I’m going to go watch Fooly Cooly for the 7th time and scream into a void.

Mmmm bye.

[granvarones]

How Afro-Latinx Queer Non-Binary Artist is taking control of their Musical Destiny

The musical landscape has changed drastically since my days of buying cassette tapes and consuming music via BET’s Video Soul. Lawd, I still miss me some Donnie Simpson and Sherry Carter!

We now exist and thankfully so, during a period when artists can create art on their own terms and share it with their fan base and the world on their own terms. This has been the journey of Kareem. The Lancaster, Pennsylvania based Afro-Latinx Queer Non-Binary singer, songwriter, and producer, Kareem, who uses They/Them pronouns, is taking full advantage of how we consume music in 2018 while pushing the envelope of what is represented in music.

I met up with the magical Kareem a few weeks ago to talk about their journey, their healing and their new album, “Silhouette of a Black Queer.”

Louie: So when did you get the inkling that you could sing?

Kareem: I started singing when I was five and actually it was discovered by my aunt. She was a singer as well and I look up to her so much. She is a gospel singer. I grew up in the church and that is where I got my singing chops. One day in church, I was singing and mimicking her, just making fun of her and how she sang. I didn’t know that she was behind me. So I turned around and she was like, “What are you doing?” I thought I was in trouble but she took me to the youth pastor had me sing for him. That’s when I realized I had a gift.

Louie: Did that experience give you confidence?

Kareem: I was always very uncomfortable with it because I didn’t know what it was given to me for. Because I was very uncomfortable in my own skin, I was bullied a lot. I was told that I was ugly. I was told many things about myself. I had a low self-esteem. I was very depressed. I didn’t look at myself as worth anything or with any talent. It wasn’t until I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, who would say some nasty shit to me like “Kill yourself.”, that I really began to search for what I really wanted for myself and music was a way to cope with a lot of the feelings I was dealing with. I channeled all of it into music.

Louie: So your first EP, “Zesty: The EP” was released just a little over a year ago, 13 months to be exact, what was that like for you?

Kareem: I did the whole project on my iPhone 6. I didn’t have the resources so I was just like I am gonna utilize what I have and make something and it turned out to be better than what I expected. With this project, I talked about what it’s like to be an Afro-Boricua, non-binary. I talk about sexual assault. I talk about sexual liberation. I talk about stuff that is very important to me. A lot of the times when I was growing up, I was locked in this fuckin’ box and I had to conform t everybody else’s standard of what they wanted me to be. And I dealt with that in very unhealthy ways. But looking back, I see my growth. I appreciate who I am as a person. It has made me fall in love with my community more and more and has made we want to be more active and be somebody that can reach out and pull somebody out of that space.

Louie: Falling in love with ourselves can help to save our lives sometimes.

Kareem: I look in the mirror and I am very comfortable in my skin now. I will throw on a full lace front and pump out in public! I would have never imagined at 16 that I would be out here with full bundles! It feels great to out and actually be myself. I get looks and I don’t give a fuck. If you have a problem, I am right here! Come say something to me!

Louie: What has been the toughest part of your musical journey?

Kareem: I was in talks with Atlantic Records, that fell through because they tried to have too much control over me as an artist and they were trying to make me do things that were out of my morality and wanted me to stop doing the type of music that I wanted to do. We could not reach a middle a ground so they just x’ed it out and I was devastated because I thought that we could make something work.

Louie: Fun fact, I have a similar experience. Almost got signed to one of the largest Dance Music labels and walked away when they wanted me to be something I wasn’t. I’ll do a twitter thread about it one day. But that was in 1997 and back then, the thought of creating music on a phone seemed like science fiction. That’s why I love artists like yourself. You are manifesting your own destiny and that is fuckin’ inspiring.

Kareem: That makes me feel very good because I never saw myself being like this at all or doing anything like this. Having people rooting for me, I don’t take that for granted at all. It makes me feel good because I wanted to make music that was authentic, that expressed what I have experienced, what Black queer and trans people go through. I know what it’s like growing up and not seeing myself.

Louie: Is that what inspired the title of the album?

Kareem: It’s called “Silhouette of a Black Queer.” Knowing that there’s not enough representation but I also know that my experience may not be exactly like everyone else's. We may have similarities. Two of the big things we have are, Blackness and we also have our queerness. So that why I call it Silhouette of a Black Queer. I came up with while I was at the club. I took a picture and I was like “what do I wanna caption this?” and it just came to me.

One of my favorite tracks on the album is a song called “Nasty Queer.” It is everything! I love it because I have never been free to able to talk like that. I did wonder, “What are my parents gonna think when they hear this shit?” But I gotta not worry about what people are gonna think and I gotta have fun.

Louie: If I was a recording artist my sound and visual would so be like Janet Jackson. That is because as a kid, she was the epitome of the perfect Popstar. Who was your “Janet” growing up?

Kareem: Beyoncé! But I get a lot of influences from Black women because they are the ones that I listened to when I was going through all my bullshit in high school and they grace me all my courage and they have been the ones to always root for me and I appreciate that so much. Black women have always been at the forefront of my success. My sister and my cousins have helped me to get to this point and I am always going to elevate and support them. Black women!

Louie: Is Beyoncé to you what Mariah is to me?

Kareem: Yes but I also gravitate toward different artists. There’s Phylis Hyman, Aretha Franklin, Patti LaBelle, Gladys Knight, Mariah Carey, Mary J. Blige, Toni Braxton, There are so many artists that I listened to, that I grew up on. Their music has stood the test o time and now I’m trying to pull from their sound – give me some of this, give me some of that and make it my own. And you hear those influences throughout the album.

Louie: I am so excited for you and excited to listen to the album. 

Kareem: I am really happy about this project because it has taken many months and setbacks. I wrote every single song. I produced 80% of the album myself. The backing track of “Sprung” is produced by my 13-year-old Puerto Rican cousin who lives in New York. I remember going to visit him and he was like “let me play you some of my stuff” and I was like, “Oh shit! What the fuck!” I was like in a trance, I was like I need this, hand it over! I love seeing young people doing artistic stuff. Because for me, I suppressed a lot of that stuff because of my issues. If I knew that this could be an outlet earlier on in the game, I know I would have been further along. But I am good and getting to where I need to be. This is a good body of work. it covers a lot of things I advocate for and things that I am going through.

I feel like people are seeing a growth of me from the beginning of my career until now. I am actually very relaxed about releasing this album. I don’t have anything to critique about this. It’s perfect as it is.

“Silhouette of a Black Queer” is available on all music streaming sites. 

Interviewed and Photographed by: Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca

[cold-iron-burns]

We've come to a consensus.

Everyone present at the time of this writing will do their best to inform the ones who need the support of a gentle delivery of current events.

The ayes have it.

YOU WOULD HAVE A PARLIAMENT AS YOUR COMMUNICATION SPACE

what's wrong with that? if we all actually do our jobs, so many more of us will be represented

THATS A LOGICAL ARGUEMENT, BUT WHO IS REALLY GETTING REPRESENTED

-wait WhAt?! HoW mAnY oF yOu ArE tHeRe

Oh honey, more than you will ever know. It's gonna be okay. We found each other and that's what's important. We're gonna start introducing ourselves,

*or at least, becoming more clear*

I love all of you so much, thank you so much for letting me in, for being patient with me. I think I'm the host? what iss. @ -o{oo#t?

started dissociating, it felt physically painful. the documenter.

And the enchanting lady is? *turns to tip his hat and wink at the camera* A -name-? Do you honestly think I could have settled on any name? Any singular--yes, Zed is going to sleep. I'm very fond of him. Attracted to him? He is my Adonis. Every inch of his body is particularly unique to his position in spacetime. There will never again be a Zed in which he appears, feels, smells and tastes exactly the same as he does at this exact moment, continued, forever and so on, as far as you know, infinitely. The Philosopher.

Wait, no, the Philanthropist

Wait wait NO, I stand by The Philosopher (for now)

[hold up, are y'all tellin me -- you c'n cawl me your White Trash Sweetheart, get rid of that bracket there, that's for the Host now

she doesnt know if she's the host or not, wibblywoooooo~ teen punk brat? aww man, fuck you you stupid piece of shit

hiiii yeah hi, I'm post-apocalypse punk Mayor (yes, you can call me that, but its aspirational) wow very humble -- golf commentater (now based on ugh this is important remember the actress' name, you look stupid, don't just stand there staring off into space, GET BACK TO WORK

OH YEAH, hi BiTcH --oh he's gone, that's -too- bad. well, as I'm here anyway, we should get to know one another. I'm "sassy black woman" because you're ashamed people will think you're using me just for drama and that's pretty fuckin racist--

I'm Final Form Chie. I started as so many of our seeds do, a poor slave girl, who loses her virginity yeah it's okay to make shortcuts

FOCUS

she gains skills, proves useful to the master, destroys the master (sometimes with kindness sometimes literally depending on what we need at the time)

[I didn't know it was that specific]

I'm mixed, actually, but I'm inspired SO MUCH by Claws. FUCKING REPRESENTATION FINAL--

>nope nope nope, shut it down<

John Cleese?

not exactly. A bit like the entire cast of monty python rolled into one. I'm from the countryside, but I can't say for sure where

woooooo we almost lost her there. she was panicking about losing this productive high, but she pulled through and FOUND THAT RUBI. Small Town Beauty Queen. I don't find it insulting if it helps you remember me. I started as Fern of Charlotte's Web. I keep that mournful lullaby for you. It really changed your path, dear heart. I don't become Miss America or anything, I'm too old by that time. But I love my family so much. You have so much anger

Yes, that's right, Dearie. Maiden, Mother, Crone. We don't think it was intentional but we like the power we have when we cooperate. Yes, we guide ... oh honey, don't cry, it's gonna be okay. no, n-n-no, no, you don't h-h-have to oh no, I really don't want to be here, I wasn't sure what to wear before, oh, I've gotten comfortable and I'm stuttering less. No, I don't think people who stutter in real life have this drastic of

oh, oh my. oh no, I'm still Achates.

Does it really surprise you? Chie and Amaury loved me so much that they couldn't bear to part entirely. They feel loyal to answer when you call on them when recalled in memories; they consider it their duty to fight in sharing our stories! With Pictures!

I don't need pictures

Don't you? you need to sleep, you're exhausted and you have an appointment tomorrow. Please go the fuck to bed. Slightly Extra (okay kinda actually just really ~(EXTRA)~

okay how do I... Ah, I got it. I'm the lucky early gen x mom you both wish you had -- no, we are not combined, sugar tits.

I'm the hardass 70s-80s mom you would have had if you're life was a movie. Well, technically I can mask as any kind of 70s-80s media mom (one of y'all--us! oh, yes, i hear you. I want you to know I would protect you, Kevin. MOM UGH

keep going - the sprites (soot or rainbow, we shift to suit your needs. we might steal your shoes. we are only some of the fae court. crossover unknown cannot compute - PLEASE HURRY. GOOD. I AM THE ROBOT OF THE 80s and --scratch that record

I'm that part of you who knew she couldn't look like Zach Morris and wanted so badly just to be a little boy. You were SO CONNECTED with the host when I was there?

wait, I'm the host

no, you--you are now because writing takes concentrating which you are losing quickly. Hello! I'm Sassy Progressive Upper Class CONCENTRATE, DAMMIT. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. I don't care if I sound like -your-mom. Someone has to be the mom around here!

Someone has to be the mom around here.

Who wrote it?

you are high af.

keep letting your eyes go out of focus, yes you're getting sleepy, think how nice the bed will feel on that aching body. She deserves some rest, the old girl.

My body is a cow? wait, there's more. she shifts to being omniscient for scenes, if a cowsona (oh, yes, Buana and Gaushala and Pirwa ... Gaushala still has an arrow in the heart.

Yes, WoW Chie (Chiela will do.). I was here while you built your confidence to try... yes, dear, you really should sleep. TO TRY GETTING CATRIN AND RIAIN A HOME AFTER being abandoned when some of you lost the "spark" or whatever with Michael. I orchestrated some of the setup. you don't need to know my name. I'm both Italian immigrant/WHOA DO NOT EVEN CONNECT THE JEWISH COMMUNITY TO--NO, We Dont...*clears throat, drinks water*. No, you're not wealthy like Ms. Maisel, -we-, sorry, sometimes I have to pretend. Speaking of pretending, no, kid, I'm not as funny or talented as all the wonderful Jewish actresses (yeah yeah, Italian-American you, whatever his+her names are, we'll get to you later)

oh nooooo they're not sure if they'll fit the stereotype if they get loud but they wanna

yeah, sure kid, we sound a lot alike. we exist in a liminal space in which America (and new york city) (and every big american metropolis)... we can all celebrate our differences

It's alright, you just need to focus. I'm 90s Successful Well Paying Professional (I can be in the late 80s WA>T)

you're just stating tropes you stupid bitch

whale!

MISS PIGGY

LOOK AT HER FAT FINGERS

remember when you -hold on- hold on for me, my love lovely?

~do you wanna be my lover, gotta get wit my friends, make it last forever cause that's the way it is"

some of us havent learned to swype yet, fuuuuuck. you're popular--but not top tier popular 4th grade 4H champion with all the ribbons. you'll grow up (yes it's hard, i want to be a teacher one day. I'm based on Angie. I'm the imaginary life you might have led if your family wasn't so difficult. We should give them credit, everyone's trying their best. Oh, I can take on mom duties when I need, we also have kids in our future. We live in Lagrange (my husband and I, at this point in the line) but we don't make as much as our parents yet, though. Yet. Yes, I know what it feels like to feel content but maybe have some (or a lot of) wanderlust in life. I'm ten or so years older than you, so while our dedication to staying in Lorain County is important to the values we wish to impart on our children (yes we are Christian. We love Sharon with all our heart and we're so glad (there's a small congregation of us, maybe enough to fill a quiet one room cottage on Sunday, God willing. I'm inspired by the Amish women I see selling their wares and replicate "Amish" methods when making food for my family (I'm good friends with The Baker. We watch Steven Universe with you! We're so excited for the movie and hope we get to talk to you about it! I showed it to Chip and Carol, well I keep talking with them about it and they agreed to get around to watching it with me. I want to be a good ally. I'm, you know, only a little bi. I know that's probably inappropriate--oh- okay, oh, my, oh WOW are my hormones nuts. I'm pretty enough but nerdy enough that I'm kinda in a weird middle tier of popularity. Haha, oh, that's funny. I'm part Sunday (we miss her! some of us are so jealous of her we want to claw her comfortable boomer life from her hands.

That's awful. Shame on you. Suffering is relative.

SHE HASN'T EVEN SUFFERED A FRACTION OF WHAT I SUFFERED

Oh yes. You are the raw emotion of what the Host(?) feels when listening to Jekyll & Hyde, but only the certain version claws at our hearts

We salute the departed Host.

I miss her. Many of us do. But she crumbled under the pressure of knowing too much. She remembered too much before she was ready.

Parliament: We [redacted for time] ...salute her memory. She fought well, carried her armor, was ready to take on anything and change the world, even if in a small way.

She's Not Dead.

sprites: {hushed whispers to avoid being heard by parliament} {WAIT, NO, WE ARE NOT THE HOUSE OF COMMONS}

there's a lot of you when you get mad.

@@@@@@ Angie no, please don't put me to bed. I'm gonna be a computer genius - I mean, maybe not genius and did you know colleges could pay you to get a Bachelor's degree, it's called "scholarships", I mean, this changes -everything-!

I love you, Cameron. I came first, but you gave me a perfect form. I help the others feel calm. Community is punk, but is corporate entanglement the final destination-- hey, wait a minute, I'm not done talking!

whoa bitch. I mean, we have to mention joe. want to be him, want to fuck him, His story, too, is tangible to me. maybe we're a package deal now, ha! I'll try to remember the good times more than the bad, for the health of all of us.

SO SAY WE ALL

wait, what the fuck are you trying to say

hey, it's cool, it's cool.

nah it aint cool

STOP IT STOP FIGHTING

let's think about date sugar

Ah. That was a good distraction. but we really must be off to bed.

is this productive?

Love, it's okay to be sad about losing the real Ben. \It's okay to have any kind of feeling at all.

Ladies and gents and nonbinaries and everyone else, please at least get up into the bed to think about flickin the bean. More like taking a bush-hog to a lil baby bean sprout, but whatever. let the rest of us lie down.

night y'all!

:)

[hecallsmeworthy-blog]

Identity - Part II

There  is no way of living in this world without forming some kind of identity.

Identity is spoken into our lives from day one. And it is mostly made up by what others say about me. Or, if you’re very self-confident you only rely on your self-image – but even that is influenced by what others or society tells you about yourself. Pretty confusing.

I don’t know about you, but the older I got, the more I realized that society dictates what our identity should be build on - if we don’t have any other foundation.

I have found that most people’s identity is founded on five pillars:

1)      job

2)      financial security

3)      body image

4)      social environment

5)      norms and values

For quite some time, my identity was defined by my job. I was a teacher. I felt like I had been born to be one and I loved it. At the same time, I hated it when people judged my actions and behaviour in my everyday life based on my job. Because unlike every other job, every person in the Western world has preassumptions about teachers, because we’ve all experienced them. Teachers are know-it-alls, they are narrow-minded and all they want to do is educate others, even if they are their friends. Ever heard these words before or said them yourself? ;-)

When I finished the practical part of my studies and my grade „confirmed“ my suitability for the job, I thought I had finally arrived. I thought I was living in my purpose and from now on everything would be great. Boy, was I wrong. I didn’t get a permanent job right away and was completely confused. Plus, the school I worked at was in a pretty rough neighborhood and the atmosphere between the teachers was everything but welcoming. I felt so out of place. I started doubting if I had made the right choice. This wasn’t what I had planned and studied seven years for. Plus, my husband and I had hoped for financial security through a steady second income. I had worked so hard. Nope. So slowly but surely, this pillar came crashing down.

I realize that the “job part“ of identity might be way bigger for other people as most of us spend a majority of their day, week -  life at work. And don’t get me wrong, I still idenitify myself with being a teacher, but it’s certainly not the biggest part of who I am.

For a lot of years, my identity was also defined by my body. I never thought I’d say anything like that someday, because I always thought that only people who are constantly dieting or doing sports (or the exact opposite) were putting too much emphasis on their body-image.  I thought I was completely immune against the standards society has when it comes to the female body image. I guess no woman really is.

I remember having a difficult relationship to my body from an early age on. I was raised with three sisters and let’s just say – they could all be supermodels. They were skinny and I … wasn’t. I loved to eat and I wasn’t overweight nor really chubby, but compared with my sisters I looked different. I will probably never forget my cousin’s words when we were teenagers: „So I don’t get it – your sisters are all skinny, why aren’t you?“ Words can bring life or death, guys. They are so so powerful. (I talked about life lies in my last post…) I also remember sitting in the kitchen, hearing my mom say „Are you really gonna eat that?“

I also hit puberty at a pretty early age and I hated the fact that I was the only one with „big boobs“ in my peer group/closer family. I remember a boy asking me if I had had a boob job when I was eleven years old. I know, it seems like nothing now. But I was so ashamed. I remember crying when my sisters got me my first bra for my 12th or 13th birthday.

Another thing that made it really hard for me to love my body was the fact that I seemed to be sick all the time. And I always felt sick. My mom used to say to me „You don’t feel bad, you are bad.“ It was meant to be a joke, of course, but you know… As I already explained in one of my former posts, I had a pretty rough phase in my early twenties… and looking back now, this is when it all started. I couldn’t eat without feeling sick, I constantly had a bloated stomach and no doctor could tell me what was wrong. After a series of examinations and diets, I was diagnosed with more than 80 food allergies. I was in shock. The doctor told me that I had to drastically change my diet and first and foremost, I was supposed to avoid any form of wheat. If you’ve never had to pay attention to the ingredients of food, you might probably not be aware of how many of today’s foods contain wheat… This caused me to hate my body even more, up to the point of my surgery last year, when the problems with my body had reached their peak.

So why would I say that this had something to do with my identity? Because it was all that was ever talked about when I met new people. Sooner or later we would eat together and I always had to tell them that I had to be careful with what I ate etc. So when it came to me, a lot of people remembered me as The girl with the food allergies. And I accepted that identity. Apart from the fact that my body was oviously suffering, I felt socially isolated and my quality of life overall was extremely limited, as me and my husband always had to think twice about eating out or visiting friends.

After I encountered Christ, things slowly started to change, up until the point where I realized that the first thing I wanted to talk about with people were not food allergies, but Jesus. Plus, reading the bible thouroughly, I realized that Jesus did not only die on the cross for my sins, but also for my sickness. And I started proclaiming and believing that. At the end of last year, the doctors did some tests and confirmed my beliefs that God had completely healed me from allergies. I don’t know what it was that ultimately caused the healing, but one day I just knew in my heart that everything was fine. And it was. And the best thing about it is that these days I get to share my testimony with people instead of talking about food allergies. God is so good!

I have already talked about the fourth pillar in my last post. Of course, a huge part of our identity is shaped by the people we surround ourselves with. I guess this can’t be overemphasized. We automatically get influenced by the people we spend most time with, even if it’s (only) online. I could write books about this. It’s also mostly through these people, and of course our upbringing and experiences, that our norms and values are shaped. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. But it can be and things we adopt from our social environment are certainly not all beneficial.

 So you might agree with me on these five pillars, but you might also be wondering why it would be a bad thing that our identity is built upon them? Good point. I guess you can’t say that per se. But let me challenge you.

Let’s say your identity is built on your job – what if you get fired or you cannot continue working in your dream job due to unforeseen circumstances?

And financial security? What if you loose all your money?

Let’s say your identity is based on your body (image) – what if you get seriously sick or your body changes drastically due to other circumstances?

And if your identity lies in your social environment – what if people disappoint you or turn away from you? What if they constantly change their opinions about you or what is wrong or right / cool or uncool etc.?

And finally… norms and values. But what if you find you’ve been completely wrong about certain issues or what if people around you challenge your values constantly?

Maybe these are not the best examples, but I guess you get the point. One by one, these pilars can come crashing down. And what is left of your identity then?

 To be continued…

[dimpled-doll]

All the acting asks??

HERE COMES THE RAMBLES:

Dream role & why?: Probably Katherine Plumber from Newsies, at least at the moment. I have a whole list of dream roles but Katherine definitely tops it. She’s such an amazing character as she’s this woman fighting for a place in a man’s world which makes her both incredibly strong and hard-willed, as well as vulnerable and desperate as she strives to be successful and follow her dreams. And she’s also such a badass?? She takes crap from no one and is just so quick witted, she could sass me to my grave and I’d thank her. 

Dream role that you’ll probably never play & why?: Probably Michael Mell from Be More Chill or Jesse Tuck from Tuck Everlasting, which is very annoying because I’m a female and they are not (more often than not I'm too old, too white or too female to play a role which makes me sad but that's okay I know I can't play every role)

Favorite role you’ve played?: So far, definitely Heather McNamara in Heathers. People are probably getting so tired of me talking about it, but she’s just such an amazing character who goes through so much character development and ahh I’m so happy to have gotten to play her.

Favorite show you’ve been in?: If I mention Heathers again someone is gonna throw something at me, so my other favorite is probably the show I’m in now. Into the Woods is a really fun and interesting show that’s been presenting some unique challenges as an actress that I’m enjoying tackling at the moment. Plus I love fairy tales so it’s lots of fun to get to bring them to life and live through them.

Favorite costume you’ve gotten to wear?: I got to wear a beautiful green medieval-style dress when I did The Wizard of Oz a few years ago, though it was paired which a horrendous green wig and painful green heels. (But the Heathers blazer outfit can’t be matched and will forever hold a piece of my heart)

Favorite line or lyric you’ve had?: “I want a squirrel, and what I want, I get!” -Willy Wonka 

or 

“If I say the wrong thing, or I wear the wrong outfit, they’ll throw me right over the side!”- Heathers

First show you were ever in?: I was in a lot of church “musicals” when I was young, but the first ever MUSICAL I was in was The Wizard of Oz. (which I then did again a few years later as the same ensemble role, so if I ever have to hear “The Merry Old Land of Oz” again I will probably smash my head against a wall) 

Do you have a type cast?: Definitely young, and apparently mean/sassy (?) in some way/shape/or form.

Favorite show & why?: I have so many favorites it’s so hard to choose! Two of my favorites are probably Les Miserables and Newsies though. I guess I just love the idea of young people banding together to fight an oppressive power? Seriously though, I am such trash for so many musicals that it would take me too long to list.

Biggest on-stage fail?: I haven’t done anything too drastic, but I had to get lifted during a dance number recently and the guy picked me up bridal style and my dress flew up and the whole audience got a nice look at my underwear (it was an ending pose too so I couldn’t really fix it quickly). Another great story that didn’t really involve me but was in the show I was in. At the end of Act 1 of Heathers in Our Love is God, JD was about to shoot Kurt when, all the sudden, “Take On Me” by A-Ha blares through the theatre (as it was cued up to play during intermission along with various other 80′s songs) and everyone backstage lost it. The actors on stage had to play it off though, so JD starts dancing subtly while Kurt watches in horror, Veronica is trying to disguise her laughter as tears, and Ram’s body is suspiciously convulsing in a way that is definitely not laughter because he’s dead)

A role you weren’t right for (if any)?: I don’t think any large ones so far because I haven’t had that many, but I played a nun in The Sound of Music once which most people would probably say is pretty unfitting for my sinful ass.

Have you ever been a part of tech or a different production aspect of a show rather than acting in it?: I’ve assistant directed for a few children shows at my church, but other than that I’ve only really done small bits and pieces when someone needs help, but I’m really hoping to learn more and engage myself in different parts of theatre soon because I find everything that goes into a production fascinating and just as important as the acting in a show.

Pre-show rituals?: It depends on the show because a lot of different companies develop traditions and rituals for before a performance, but for me personally I just like to take a couple minutes to myself to breathe, drink some water or tea, say some quick prayers for myself and everyone in/involved with the show because it helps calm me, and just try to relax and go over my line/lyrics/choreography and just anything I need to remember and just tell myself that it’s okay to mess up sometimes as long as you’re doing your best and to just try to give everyone the best show that I can.

Vocal class (ex. tenor, alto, mezzo, etc.)?: Mezzo-Soprano, maybe Soprano 2 on a very good day.

Dancer or mover?: MOVER

Favorite script-marking method (ex. page markers, highlight, underline, circling, etc.)?: I usually always use page markers (color-coated and marked with the song or scene if possible) so I can easily find a scene, and I like to highlight if it’s a copied script or one I’m allowed to mark permanent marks in, but if not I just underline and then make character notes on the sides.

Favorite tongue twister?: A Big Black Bug Bit a Big Black Bear (Bubblegum was one of my favorites growing up though).

Favorite warmup?: Lip trills and humming are amazing on the go and when you need a soft introduction/haven’t warmed up yet, and Never Never Never Never No (idk if anyone else knows it but it’s one from my vocal instructor) is always good in the type of young, sometimes bratty roles I play to get my mixed belt going.

Favorite part of being in a show?: I love the community it creates, every time I’m in a show I get to create and be a part of a little family and it’s a wonderful feeling. Performing just also gives me such a rush because I love creating and telling a story to people and evoking emotions in an audience and making people think and feel things, theatre can have such an impact and awake so many emotions in people and it’s so thrilling and exciting to get to be a part of that.

Least favorite part of being in a show?: A lot of times, especially in less professional theatre, there is a lot of drama that is caused that is hard to escape which can get super frustrating when you’re just trying to have a good time and put on a great show. It’s also really difficult when you have other things going on at the same time as when you’re in a show because, for me at least, I tend to focus most of my energy into a show, but then my outside work and obligations pile up and things can get really tiring and stressful.

Worst audition story?: There are so many. I’ve shaken and cried when I was younger though the whole thing, I’ve messed up lyrics, messed up accents, chosen terrible songs, I’ve literally had people on the production team tell me how bad my song choices were or say “I hate that song and I hate the musical it’s from” and I also completely chickened out at an audition once and had a panic attack in the bathroom and had to have my mom come pick me up.

Funny show story?: I probably have plenty but I can’t think of any off of the top of my head right now, but I literally have a full post of funny quotes (+more in the comments of said post) on my blog already from Heathers with things ranging from a full minute long Yea Boi to “You call capital letters thick?” 

Tips/advice you have for anyone just starting in theatre/are thinking about trying out theatre (if any)?: If you’re passionate about it, don’t give up. You’re not gonna start out perfect, and most likely you’re never going to be 100% perfect, but you have to push yourself and keep trying no matter what. If you work hard and believe in yourself (as sappy as that sounds) it get you so much farther. You’re not gonna get every role, and not everyone is going to love you, but even when it seems like it’s hopeless and that you’ll never get a role or get cast and you’re doubting yourself and your talent, you have to keep pushing through and persevering. If you are passionate and determined enough, it pays off. It takes time, but never give up on your dreams, and never give up on yourself.

Why do you do theatre?: I kind of answered a bit above, but a huge part of it is because theatre has had such a big impact on my life and helped me through some pretty rough times and I want to share and help others as well. There are so many shows that have such powerful and important messages that deserve to be shared and heard and I love being the voice delivering them. It’s so exciting to get to build a world and a story and just take an audience on a journey. I’ve always loved becoming a completely different person and experiencing and developing a whole different world and view on life, it’s so exciting for me when I get to create a character’s history, psyche, and world. Most importantly though, theatre unites people. It’s a group of people experiencing the same thing through different eyes and different experiences, but still receiving the same ultimate messages. Theatre can make you laugh, theatre can make you cry. Theatre scares, theatre excites, theatre relates. Theatre brings awareness to issues from mental health to racial equality. There are characters for everyone- from a teenage boy with social anxiety to a high heel loving drag queen. I have seen theatre touch so many people’s lives and bring them hope when hope was gone, and I’m so blessed to be a part of that power and magic.

Wow that was very sappy and very rambly….. whoops?