#i won't specify what kind of ride tho

[kennethbrangh]

Ian McShane at the Los Angeles premiere of John Wick: Chapter 4 (March 20, 2023)

[lasquadrasfuckhouse]

Forgive me if you’ve already gotten something like this, but I’d love to see HCs of La Squadra taking their S/O’s virginity. Bonus points if it’s tender, I’m a real sucker for that kind of thing.

ME TOO ANON ME TOO...... i already did that for illuso here but i was hoping someone would ask that for the rest of the squad 😍

la squadra treating their partner gently for their first time 🥰

18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI

risotto ✂️

yeah, he's kind of worried at first. not only cause he's huge and he doesn't want to hurt you but also cause he wants you to feel comfortable and safe and he knows he can come off as intimidating

risotto honey you are such a sweetheart and your partner knows it you have nothing to worry about. he is always so gentle with his beloved and he will be ESPECIALLY gentle in this

he's pretty chill tho. like, sex is normal and it doesn't have to be a big deal (not that he'd be dismissive of any of ur feelings surrounding it ofc). his more relaxed perspective in that sense would help a partner who's feeling a bit nervous or shy

it's normal and fun and intimate, it can be all of these things!!! risotto loves intimacy and he loves you, so he'll be really excited to share this with you and feel all warm that you're comfortable with him. he definitely wants to help you start off on the right foot with sex.

whenever you're ready. you control the pace!

he really just wants to see you let loose; you don't have to hide with him, like how he doesn't have to hide with you. emotional connection is a huge part of sex so he'll be very soft and u may both find him being a bit more open in his demeanor

he cherishes every expression of yours--every sound, the way you move to seek your pleasure, the way you look at him.

and he will want to be face to face, not only because you're beautiful and it's intimate, but to watch you carefully. partly for those expressions and partly to gauge your reactions, he wants to learn you.

he'll start out slow, and even if you ask for more, he won't necessarily go faster unless you specify it (or if you're not sure how to specify it, he would offer it). but he'll go deeper and more intense.

he especially LOVES giving oral and would really love to make you cum that way, because while feeling someone else's hands is new, chances are you still know what hands feel like from yourself. having someone's mouth on you is an entirely new sensation and he'd be very happy to introduce you to it. he could really just chill with his head between your thighs all night tbh, he's having the time of his life helping you figure out what you like and making you cum as many times as you want.

and if u want to touch him too, he'll gently show u what he likes and praise you for everything. he thinks ur fucking gorgeous and amazing and he's so happy to be close with you and he will let you know it.

if he's bottoming, he'd slowly guide you through prepping him and you're rewarded with little huffs of pleasure and kisses and murmured praise. if he's topping, he'll prep you real fuckin good and make sure you cum at least twice beforehand

either way, he's on his back and you control the pace whether you're fucking him or riding him. his hands are steady on ur hips to support u and he'll gently guide your hips if u ask him to but then let u take over as u find a rhythm.

AFTERCARE KING WILL LOOK AFTER U SO GOOD. he'll have a bath or shower with u and hold u real close, telling you how wonderful you are, ask if u had fun and what u liked. he'll also let you know how much he loved feeling so close with you. he'll want to snuggle you all day and probably all the next day and check in with you too.

prosciutto 🚬

very serious about taking care of you, the nurturing side kind of comes out full force and it's honestly very charming and sweet

he's a romantic and a bit soft for first time experiences and he'll honestly be touched that you want to have this with him. when he trusts someone he dedicates himself to that wholeheartedly so a show of deep trust from you will make him feel a lot of things

obviously all of them will talk about it with you beforehand but i feel like pros in particular will just really be like. tell me your thoughts and your feelings and anything at all. he'd want to talk honestly through everything and give you one of his pep talks if you're feeling self-conscious about anything. does the forehead touch. amore, look at me. tells you with no room for doubt how beautiful you are and how deeply he loves you

he'll be a gentleman about it, would love to take you on a lavish date beforehand complete with dinner and flowers and maybe sharing a dessert together (and if you let him feed you a piece from his fork his heart will flutter). and he lets you know that all this stuff isn't for like, cause it's Just What You Do or whatever; going through the motions of passion without any feeling behind it is superficial and not what it's all about y'know. there's feeling and purpose behind the flowers and the food and the everything and it's that he loves you so damn much

he just wants you to know how much he cares about you and wants you to know you're loved and safe. he'll also let you know that you're in control and tonight is about you.

he'll take care of you so damn good. does the gomez addams thing where he kisses up your arm. practically worships you

he'll want to navigate this together with you and encourages you to tell him what you're liking or not feelin. if you're not sure how to ask for something or self-conscious about it he may suggest things to help you, he'd definitely want to help you build your confidence in communicating what you want

and ooh boy does he praise you every time you move to seek your pleasure or make any little sound or expression, he's just so thrilled to see the person he loves taking the reins and coming into their sex life and he will let you know how breathtaking you are in both the sweet adoring way and the horny way

praises you a LOT every time you cum too, and he'll be very careful not to overstim or overwhelm you but he'd love to make you cum more than once if that's what you'd like too

and if you wanna love on him too he's great at teaching and very encouraging

basically u get to hear his sexy voice the whole time and it's real fuckin good when his breath catches on his words from what y'all are doin 🙈

pulls out all the stops with aftercare, he probably had everything set up beforehand. cuddles, water, if you just wanna lie in bed with him he'll gently clean you both up with a towel but if you want a bath or shower he'll come with u, dote on u, and changes the sheets so u can snuggle him in nice fresh blankets. he thanks you for letting him be a part of your first time and lets you know how much he loves being with you like this.

pesci 🎣

it's entirely possible he's more nervous than you. he loves you so much and he wants your first time to be great y'know

but he's also like.... like he's not gonna let his own self-consciousness get in the way kind of thing? like, he just wants to focus on you and he's so thrilled to take care of you and be so close with you.

he takes the time to center himself and give the perspective of sex as an act of love, and when he thinks about it that way it's a lot easier for him to relax and just let it flow because it's just a way for him to express his feelings for you. he'll also share this with you but he'll ask for any perspective of yours too, he wants to know what you're feeling and what you want and what you're curious about

and if you're not sure how to articulate what you want he'll probably go really slow, y'all may not even get to sex for a while cause you'll just be exploring with a few slow make out sessions

when you're ready and you get to it, he'll really take his time and be super soft. he goes red from the chest up the first time he sees you naked with your legs spread and stutters about how absolutely gorgeous you are

it might be a bit awkward at first but the like, charming and funny sort of awkward where your noses bump or you'll both chuckle at the wet sounds before you're both moaning and you don't care anymore, cause sex can just be kind of goofy like that but it makes you both feel so very human and so very safe that you can just be with each other in such a natural way

he's super fucking proud every time he gets you making sounds or makes you cum and he just wants to please you forever

please please let him go down on you or sit on his face, he lives for it.

he'll be really cautious not to overdo it but if he's topping he'll definitely want to make you cum beforehand and go really slow and sensual with it cause he's big and he doesn't wanna hurt you

he'll also wanna be face to face and kiss you a whole bunch and tell you honestly that he loves you, and that you're beautiful, and you're so incredible and special

HAND HOLDING.... LACING UR FINGERS TOGETHER ON THE SHEETS....... YEAH

aftercare includes him cleaning you both up and lots of snuggling and more hand holding and kissing. he'll ask if you had fun, how you're feeling, he didn't hurt you did he was he careful enough? what did you like best? he'll hang onto your every word and hold you close. he loved being so close with you and he will let you know it. he'll also make you a big meal next chance he gets (calories babes!!!!!)

formaggio 🧀

he's another great pick for a first timer cause he's so chill. like, sex is fun and it's a way to be close to each other, he's really laid back about it so his attitude will be great to help you relax

and also cause he's really open about his feelings and it's very easy to feel comfortable opening up to him too b/c he makes it easy. he's super emotionally in tune and really good at making space to be vulnerable y'know

he'll go with your flow. i could picture it like, snuggling and maybe waking up from a nap together, and you're all warm and tangled up in each other, and when you're slowly kissing each other the decision that you're ready comes less from the horny sense and more from the feeling of being loved and loving him and you just want to fall into him

extremely affectionate and keeps things light and is always trying to get you laughing

falling all over himself with how gorgeous you are, can't keep his hands off you

he's an open book, he lays all his thoughts and feelings out there and he's telling you over and over unprompted about how much he loves you, how you're so beautiful, you look and sound and taste amazing and it's all even better than he imagined (and boy has he imagined), you're so hot and so precious to him and you're you.

and you might just get a bit emotional because not only are you trusting him with something so intimate but it's a moment where you take in his openness and recognize that he's trusting you with his heart. and you just kiss him a whole fuckin lot

so like, emotional lovemaking but it'll also be pretty silly. he'll do the thing where he kisses your cheek/neck/belly/thigh all soft but then blows a raspberry on you just to be a goofball

the first time he hears your laughter devolve into moaning he's both overcome with love and VERY horny and will continuously try to get you to do that again

he does like to take care of you and may very gently tease you but in the way that like, you know he's got you. he'll sort of coo like, you gonna cum again already, hmm? go on babe, i want you to feel amazing.

just kind of chatty and murmuring to you the whole time and very vocal about how good you're doing. and if you're fucking him or he's fucking you or you're going down on him etc--ooh boy. he doesn't hold anything back, not the praise and not his sounds.

his aftercare involves more snuggling and pillow talk. you'll be curled up together and he'll ask if you had fun, what you liked best, and he'll share what he liked best too. not only do you have an honest back and forth about the experience and your feelings and stuff but also just like, chatting about whatever and playing around and kissing more. he's always very handsy, which might lead to another round lol. he'll check in with you over the next few days too.

melone 🍈

oh honey you're in for a good fuckin time with him

he's THRILLED that you want to have this with him, like he's just really enthusiastic about sex as an experience and he loves you so he'll be buzzing about being with you for your first time. like he's genuinely just so excited for you it's honestly very cute

he'll want to talk a LOT beforehand cause he wants to know what you're thinking and really get on the same wavelength before you jump into things. is there anything in particular you're curious about or you think you'd like or dislike? how are you feeling about it? what, if anything, are you expecting from sex as an experience?

he... might get a bit overwhelming lol but he doesn't mean to, he'll be conscious to dial it back. he's just brrr

he's also very open with you about everything, like his feelings and what he loves about sex and stuff, so he makes it easy to be open in turn. y'all get some really good dialogue going so he makes sure you feel comfortable and you know you're very much loved and wanted

he's very doting and soft but in a really sexy and sultry sort of way, though he also does get downright gleeful because seeing his beloved expressing and fulfilling their desires is wonderful, and it makes him feel both very in love and very horny to be a part of those desires

pumped to explore you and explore with you. he'll follow your lead, whether that means you directing like touch me there or keep going etc, or if you're not sure where to start he'll make good on all the stuff you talked about and offer this or that thing he'd think you might like.

and if you want to explore him, he'll lie back and let you have free reign and indulge all your curiosities. it's really not hard to get him moaning for you cause you breathe and he gets heart eyes. he'll go on and on about how gorgeous you are in every way and how you make him feel so good in every way and he just wants to make you feel good too, until he's babbling, and he means every word of it

reeeally really wants to get you vocal too and draw out sounds and sensations you never knew your body was capable of, he hopes he can help you find wonder in yourself the same way he finds wonder in you

now you won't dive into super crazy stuff for your first time, but he'd love to show you one or two more unique positions to give you a taste of the variety that's out there when it comes to sex, and not just even in terms of kinky stuff

yeah..... needless to say, he'll blow your fuckin mind

rather talkative in his aftercare, showering you with love and praise and asking questions, he wants you to know how incredible you are and wants to know what you're thinking and feeling too. he'll give you a massage and hold you and leave nothing untouched, and cleanup is very gentle. he's so thankful to be a part of your first experience and he hopes for many more amazing experiences with you. he'll be even More cuddly and attentive than usual for the next little while, which is really saying somethin.

ghiaccio ❄️

yeah his first instinct is to be a little self-conscious because he knows he's rather brash and i don't mean just in the physical sense, b/c he can be conscious not to be rough, but on the emotional side he kind of flounders a bit? and he really doesn't want to screw this up for you by making you feel like he's absent or something

then he thinks: that's stupid, i'm an adult, i'll be open with my partner even if the perceived vulnerability can be difficult cause that's what mature people do. and he's also asking himself why am I nervous when they're the one who hasn't had sex before??? they're probably MORE nervous and i don't want them to feel that way!!!!

so he's determined to make sure you feel comfortable and loved and confident. and chances are you can tell that he's trying really hard and setting aside his shyness for you (and he's also kind of flustered and 😳 that you want this with him) and it's very sweet and definitely works for the desired outcome

though like, he personally doesn't view first times as particularly Special b/c it's just sex (tho again, wouldn't be dismissive of any of ur feelings surrounding it), but it's that the vulnerability and intimacy of sex can be intimidating especially when you haven't done it before and he just wants to help you start off on the right foot with a good experience y'know? and him being upfront about that probably helps you get comfy

sex is fun and he just wants you to enjoy yourself! and even tho he can get kind of embarrassed about his soft feelings esp in the beginning of ur relationship, ghiaccio loves being close with you, so the thought of being close with you like this makes his heart go off its rocker

his soft side comes out but he's also still a very passionate person overall and most of that is channeled into a sense of focus on you.

he goes really slow with everything so he can be careful and thorough and learn you, and be with you every step of the way while you navigate sexuality together. his kisses are slow, the way he touches every inch of skin as you bare it is slow, and it's because nothing about you is going without his attention

it'll almost be sort of intense, and not necessarily in a bad way, because he can't keep his eyes off you

and the way you look at him and tug him closer and touch him and sigh his name.... hooh. he's fuckin crazy for you.

he doesn't talk a whole lot besides asking if this or that thing is okay, how are u doing, etc. but one thing i can picture is sitting up face to face while one of you is slowly riding the other and he just whispers fuck, you're hot and buries his face in your neck

you absolutely know you're loved and desired and he makes you feel good as hell

he's SOOOO gentle and snuggly with his aftercare. he'll clean you both up or take you to the shower or bath and have his hands all over you, and he'll ask if you had fun or what you liked, and you'll both talk quietly about it and nudge ur noses together and share soft lil kisses. you get some really sweet smiles from him because he's happy to make you happy. he'll cocoon you both in a blanket nest and cuddle, he's your personal teddy bear for the next little while. he'll also murmur that he loves you before you both fall asleep.

sorbet and gelato 🔪🍦

they're really good at navigating stuff like this because they're great at communicating their desires and relationship needs, so right off the bat you get some really good conversations flowing about anything to do with intimacy

they're honestly just being really down to earth about everything, where's the teasing? ah there it is. not mean teasing, mind you. they just think you're adorable when you're flustered.

not intimidating either, they love you so so so much and they're really honest about making sure you feel comfortable, they just like to play around.

they'll also try to get you hot n bothered in that way, like gelato will throw his arms around you and dance his fingertips over you and grin all, you want us to take care of you, kachanaja? and sorbet will tilt your chin to him and give you a devilish little smirk b/c HE KNOWS YOU KNOW that he's picturing what you can do together

but then they'll like, kiss you and snuggle you and talk about how much they love you, and they're so excited to be close with you because it's you. you're centered and seen and cherished, they're so thrilled to be with you. not once do you feel like the odd one out, because the three of you are a team.

as completely bonkers as they both are they wouldn't want to overwhelm you right off the bat so they may be first to suggest you do one-on-one before diving into threesomes, but it's up to you! you lead the way. if you decide to go the one-on-one route it'll probably be a simple matter of whichever happens to fall into place first. (hell, even if you go for all three of you for your first time, it may still be a matter of it happening to fall into place, like you decide in the middle of a threeway makeout that fuck it, you want both of them.)

if your first time is with sorbet, he's really gentle, and he has this soft little smile on his face the whole time. he's the kind of guy who chooses his words carefully, so he'll be quiet for a bit and then murmur in your ear about how beautiful you are and ask if you're liking what he's doing and it just makes you melt.

he'll be wrapped all around you the whole time. very very snuggly and makes you feel all warm and safe and secure while he blows your mind.

cause guarantee, he will want to absolutely blow your mind and he will have sooo much fun doing it. he'll whisper to you that he wants to make you feel amazing because it's what you deserve.

he really really loves taking care of you and im picturing something like this: face to face on your sides, he has one arm around you while he works magic with his other hand (he has long clever fingers on top of that loose wrist 🥴), and when you cum, he stops to let you breathe but doesn't pull away completely because he asks if you want him to keep going. if you do, he'll be your rock so you can enjoy the stimulation without feeling overwhelmed, and you dig your nails into his back and muffle some very depraved sounds against his chest when he quickly makes you cum again

if your first time is with gelato, he's a little more airy but still gentle, very very sweet. he's also extremely talkative and will go on a whole spiel about how gorgeous you are and how crazy he is for you upon every piece of clothing that comes off, combined with showering you in kisses. he just goes on these super loving rambles that will probably get you feeling hot in the face (and hot everywhere else too cause it also swerves into horny-sweet territory, he'll gush about his daydreams involving you and how you're better than he ever could have imagined)

he's also still fucking loud even though everything is gentle because of course he is. he's unabashed in how much he loves making you feel good and how everything you do is so hot cause it's you

he'll be cheeky, like flip you on your back suddenly to hear you make a cute surprised noise and then fawn over you for it

he's really really caring, checks in often, super playful as always. the vibe is very cheerful!!!!

but if you ever want a break from being in the middle they're cool with that too ofc. you can snuggle and kiss them and hold them, maybe ask to see how they make each other feel good and they'd be very happy to oblige you, guide your hands to show you.

all together, u get a bit of both

prepare to be sandwiched between them the whole time. they'll be slow and careful and probably start you simple, one holding you and the other working you over, and switching places. you're always against someone's chest/in someone's arms.

and if you're loving on one or both of them you've got two people praising you, and one could guide you and work with you to make the other fall apart

also they're TOTALLY gonna wanna get you vocal if you'd like that too, but they're still gonna be really gentle unless you ask for more/harder. even so, they build up slowly, cause y'all may have different definitions of hard, but that's something you'll all learn together. they just want to be familiar with you in this way because there's something so intimate about Knowing your babe like this too

you are going to be so fucking loved in their aftercare. sorbet will give u a nice massage, gelato gives u a Ton of kisses, they'll clean you up and cuddle you so close all wrapped up in each other. they let you know how incredible you are and y'all have great talks about how you're feeling, what you liked, anything you might need, etc while they're tracing patterns in your skin. they're gonna be even MORE sappy and sweet with you for the next little while and check in often so they can be there for you while you come into a new aspect of your life ❤️

[excaive]

How does one verbalize :3o’s name? Also what are they? Are they a human with one big parasite (or several)?

:3o (many just say three-oh) is Jay's parasite!

:3o is a regen parasite, a parasite that blends in with their host's cells. It's a sub-type transformative parasite! You contract them at a young age as they need a lot of time to kind of calibrate to their host's body, and eventually it has made enough cells of itself to be able to detach if it makes sense to do so.

Regen parasites imprint on your personality and things you like (or. dislike) and get shaped around that and they kind of echo in your head as your 'inner voice but to the left but you don't know any better so that's just normal' until it's developed enough to be its own thing (the line can be very blurry tho, it varies from person to person)

Their appearance vary widely from person to person since they imprint on stuff around you.

:3o is often detached from Jay's body, being very plentiful (meaning they make up 20% or more of their host's body) and do their own thing. They're a funny little (they're over 2 meters tall) guy who loves pranks and stealing catsocks (belonging to Roger). probably sounds like an animal crossing character.

General attributes include:

Regenerative abilities. You heal quickly and your immune system is off the shits. You don't know what an allergy is.

flexibility and nimbleness. HOWEVER. You do weigh more since you're jam-packed with parasite cells, so the nimbleness really depends on how big your parasite is and how much its weight affects you.

Morphing body parts. This depends how plentiful the parasite is and how old you are. The older you are, the more bodily horror you're capable of if you're a freak like that.

Leaves gateway patterns on your skin. SOMETIMES. :3o made the white lines on Jay's face and he also has the white band around his neck.

A special thing with regen parasites is that you cannot get rid of it, or you die, or in the survivable scenario, you get disabled in some way. They kind of become an essential part of your body and function. It's really fuckin hard to get rid of them in the first place so just try to get along, that's worth the effort.

Other transformative parasites you can get rid of and live without (idk why you'd ditch ur cool life buddy like that tho :( ) so regen parasites are special in that way that you're ride or die whether you like it or not. On the flip side, you will be a hard bitch to kill due to the regenerative abilities and you can survive losing limbs or taking severe damage and your parasite will cook up more cells to fill out missing parts, if they're plentiful enough.

For Jay, he uh. got in an gruely accident I won't specify but :3o makes up like more than 80% of Jay's body. That absolutely won't mess with his sense of self for sure :))

Playlists: :3o | Jay

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.