Maybe If | l.mk
Genre: exes baggage; angst; smut
Pairing: Mark Lee x Female Reader
Synopsis: An unprompted college reunion for a friend's wedding had you looking back on the most beautiful relationship you ever had with the most breathtaking boy you've ever known—Mark Lee.
Warning: angst, mentions of physical and emotional abuse, mentions of alcoholism, explicit sexual content (18+)
Notes: 21k words, song prompt was Maybe If by BIBI
"He'll be there for sure." You've lost count of the number of times Nadine said that today. "Will you be fine?"
Even the question about your well-being has been engraved in your mind for days now because she's asked about it each time she remembers Mark Lee being present at your friend's wedding.
"You know, Nadine, it almost sounds like you're the one who dated Mark Lee," Stan commented, giving her a quick glance at the backseat. "Shut up about it already. I'm sure she knows Mark will be there."
"I'm just worried about her. I know it's been a while but what happened between them was intense, seeing how they chose to cut contacts completely instead of being friends. What if they end up fighting?"
"Mark won't fight her," Stan chuckled, glancing at you. "He would never fight her."
You kept your eyes outside the car window, counting the minutes before you arrived at your hometown. You're not thinking about Mark Lee-not even about the messy state you left him in. You were thinking about the town you grew up in; everything you hated and loved about it, everyone you grew up knowing, and everyone you dreaded seeing. It was the one place you wished you never had to return to, the one place that gave you so much to love and even more to hate.
When you left for better opportunities in a different place, you vowed you would never come back. There's nothing for you to go back to anyway, just a miserable old city where you lived a miserable life trying to deal with a miserable old couple. They even told you to never come back after draining you dry of the money that you spent half of your life saving. You have no fond memory of your aunt and uncle. Even the mere mention of their names angers you. The living condition wasn't any better, if anything, you worked your ass off to feed the people who stole from you. You hated it there and you hate it till now.
The one good thing about the place was your relationships outside the house. Reminiscing about your friends should make you smile, but even that became something to hate after you left and never came back.
"Welcome home, guys!" Stan cheered as you entered the downtown area of the small city.
Nothing much has changed, except for a few old establishments you used to work at which now bore different names. The road was definitely better. Streetlights and traffic signs were updated. The trees that once lined the sidewalk are now gone. But overall, the vibe still feels the same and you still haven't changed your mind about not coming back here. If it wasn't for Dianne asking you to be one of her bridesmaids, you wouldn't even consider taking a peek.
"We'll see you tomorrow, okay?" said Nadine, hugging you before you got out of the car.
You'll be staying at the bride's house for the rest of the week to help with the preparations. She said she'll burn every motel in town if you ever so much as consider staying in one instead of accepting her offer to accommodate you. You figured she wouldn't be able to do it for real but the way she was so passionate about it made you say 'yes' to crashing at her place.
"My dearest!" Dianne greeted as soon as she opened the door of her house. You hugged by the doorstep, squeezing the soul out of each other until someone told you to take your dramatic reunion back inside the house.
"Congratulations, Dianne. I'm happy for you and also, thank you for having me as one of your bridesmaids," you told her while you sat around the living room with a few other girls that you were introduced to as her entourage.
"Of course, you have to be my bridesmaid. You and I go way back and did you forget that it was you who set me up with my fiancée?"
You chuckled, nodding as you were reminded of the blind date project that you worked so hard to carry out just so Dianne could have her dinner date with the handsome bookshop owner that she had a crush on. It's been six years since then but they're still together. You chatted for a while, discussing the few remaining things that still need to be done for the wedding. When the doorbell rang, Dianne excused herself to welcome her other guests. You were talking to Amanda, Dianne's little sister so you weren't paying attention to the door. Dianne approached you as soon as the guest came in and spoke in a serious tone.
"I hope you don't mind that Mark is here," she said quietly, glancing briefly at the group of men who just arrived. "He's one of Owen's groomsmen."
"No, not at all!" you replied, waving your hands briskly. "It's fine. It's your wedding. Don't worry about me."
"Are you sure? I mean, I know the breakup was awful but it means a lot to me and Owen to have both of you here with us."
You gave her a reassuring smile and a pat on the shoulder. "I know. It's okay, really. This whole thing is about you and Owen. You don't have to worry about us."
"Y/N!" Owen called when he spotted you. You felt a little nervous, knowing your presence had been announced to the whole house and Mark now knows you're here too.
"Owen! Hi!" you greeted, masking your jitters with a jovial attitude. "How are you?"
"I've been great. I'm getting hitched!" he cheered, showing you the ring on Dianne's finger. "How are you? Thanks for coming. We really appreciate it."
"I'm fine. Thanks for having me," you smiled, and then the laughter from the doorway caught your attention.
Seeing Mark after five years felt like a jolt to your heart. The boyish charm you remembered had evolved into something more mature, more refined, and undeniably attractive. His shorter hair suited him, accentuating his handsome features. He obviously found a new style, like you did. It struck you how time had changed both of you, shaping your lives in different directions. Other than that, the girl clinging to his arm is the only thing you don't recognize about him.
Dianne pulled you aside, far from anyone's earshot. "That's Tris, Owen's cousin. She's one of my bridesmaids."
"Yeah, we don't like her," Amanda interjected.
"Mandy!" Dianne scolded but the younger one just raised an eyebrow.
"What? It's true."
Dianne tutted at her before turning to you. "They're not dating and she's just here for the wedding but I think she likes Mark. They've been hanging out ever since she got here which was a few days ago."
You laughed softly, holding her arm. "Thanks, Di, but I don't need to know what Mark's been up to. I'm sure he took good care of himself."
"Right. Sorry. I just had to tell you in case you assume he's dating her."
"Mark won't," Amanda smirked, giving Tris the side eye.
"You don't even know Mark that well."
"Yeah, but he's a nice guy. Guys like Mark don't date skanky spoiled brats."
"Mandy! Don't call people names!"
"Whatever, I don't like her."
You watched Amanda leave the room and escape upstairs, slightly amazed at how much she's grown. When you first met her, she was just twelve years old but she was already chatty. Now she's grown and resembled Dianne a lot but their attitudes are complete opposites.
Mark's eyes fluttered in your direction, catching your gaze before you could look away. He quickly scanned you, then returned to his conversation on the other side of the room. You weren't expecting Mark to be all nice and chatty the moment you met again, but you hoped for something more civil than this. You were ready to do just that, so why is he being hostile?
Why else? You broke his heart, dumbass.
In the morning, you went to a boutique for dress-fitting. The other bridesmaids were here before you so you were the only one left to get your measurements and have the dress adjusted. It was a nice velvety dress with a tiny strap that hugged your body’s figure most exquisitely. Dianne said it was Nadine’s input and everyone agreed that it looked elegant with the right amount of sexy.
“And skin,” Nadine added, running her fingers from your collarbone to your shoulder. She pointed to the slit that goes right up your mid-thigh. “And thigh too.”
“Yeah. I can see the thought process in this,” you ridiculed, although you did like the dress. You just had to point out Nadine’s inclination to revealing clothes.
You had brunch while catching up on a lot of things. You talked mostly about the wedding and how the whole proposal happened. After that, you had a few hours to yourself before Owen and the others came to pick you up for the rehearsals. You were excited to see Timmy again and to find out that he is the wedding planner for this.
“World-class event organizer, coming through,” he posed, strutting in front of you. You giggled, enjoying his display.
“You’re a local event organizer, Timmy,” Stan teased as he approached your circle and stood next to you.
“The best there is!” Timmy insisted. “And it’s only for now.”
Rehearsals for the entourage began, and you were visibly shocked to be paired with Mark. He seemed impassive at first, but as you started walking the aisle together, you saw how much it affected him. He wouldn't let you hold him, and while you were fine with that, Timmy was frustrated.
“Come on, Mark. It’s just a walk. It’s forty-five seconds at best!” Timmy pleaded, but Mark bristled.
“I don’t want anyone touching me, Timmy. How hard is that?”
“It’s fine, Timmy. I’m sure no one will notice,” you reassured, hoping to ease the tension. Reluctantly, Timmy gave in and let Mark have his way.
The practice continued with Mark still apprehensive. Now that the arm hold was out of the way, he found another reason to show his disdain, missing the cue repeatedly. After a few tries, Timmy decided to ignore it and proceeded with the practice.
“Mark is being unreasonable, seriously,” Timmy chided as the three of you drove to grab something to eat.
“You can’t blame him. He hates my guts. Now he’s stuck with me,” you defended, and Nadine agreed.
“That much is still considered a display of patience. If it were me, I’d freak,” Nadine added.
Timmy sighed. “Honey, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Dianne and Owen specifically asked for this. I’m just doing what I’m paid to do and what my friends asked of me.”
“And Mark’s not your friend?” Nadine taunted, earning a glare from Timmy.
“He is. But this wedding isn’t about him.” Timmy glanced at you in the backseat. “It’s not about the two of you.”
You knew that, of course. That’s why you were trying to be civil. He’s the one with the problem, and you don’t blame him at all.
The car stopped in front of a diner that looked eerily familiar. As you stepped out, Timmy mentioned it was the diner you used to work at in college. The owner and the name had changed, but everything inside, except the paint, remained the same. The interior and furniture reminded you of the time you spent waiting tables and cleaning this place.
It was no surprise that you’d attend the local college right after high school. You tried to apply to other schools and although you met the grade requirements, your extra-curriculars did not. The university was in the downtown area of the city, several miles from your house. You remember the last time you went downtown; it was when you had just moved in with your aunt and she was still nice to you. She'd take you once a week for food or ice cream, but she stopped that a long time ago, and now you barely remembered what it looked like.
For the last two years, you were back and forth from your house to your school; a public high school in the east side of the city. The downtown area may be unfamiliar to you but that didn't stop you from landing a job at a diner close to your local university. On your first day, the manager greeted you warmly. After a quick rundown of your tasks, you began immediately.
It was past 2 a.m. when a group of friends came into the diner. There were barely any customers except for a middle-aged guy drinking beer by the counter and watching late-night news. Tina, your coworker, was mopping the floor when the group arrived, and one of the guys accidentally kicked the bucket, spilling water all over the floor.
"Shit, sorry!" one of the guys muttered, picking up the bucket and looking down at the mess he made with panic in his eyes.
"Damn it, Mark. Watch where you're going!"
That was the first time you met Mark. Alerted by the commotion, you peered over the counter to see what was going on. You saw him fumble with his apologies to Tina, who ended up telling him it was her fault for putting the bucket right by the door.
Tina rounded back to the kitchen to grab something for the spilled mess. "This is not the meet-cute way I was expecting to meet Mark Lee."
"Mark Lee?" you repeated, glancing at her as she opened the cabinet of cleaning materials.
"The guy who spilled my bucket," she pouted, fake sobbing before going back outside. “I had a crush on him in high school.”
You hadn't meant to but there was nothing else to do while you were wiping glasses dry so you observed his group. They came from a party, judging by the way some of them were groggy and others looked high. Mark wasn't. He seemed completely sober and less sweaty, laughing along with his friends. They ordered and since you were on dishwashing duty, you never had to interact with them.
You had only four hours of sleep before the first day of university. With your scholarship, you were given a dorm and a 75% discount on your tuition. The conditions were demanding, but you were confident you could meet them. You finished high school at the top of your class, and you were determined to keep your scholarship until graduation. Failing wasn't an option; struggling to keep your grades high was far better than returning to your aunt's house.
"Can I help you?" a senior approached as you looked around the busy school grounds.
There wouldn't be any actual classes today since it was the first day. Clubs and student groups had set up booths for new students and transfers to sign up. There was also a mini-concert planned for tonight, which you found out about from the huge banners at the entrance.
"No, I'm good, thanks," you said, giving him a small smile.
"Aren't you Y/N?"
"Yes. How did you know?"
He smiled and shook your hand enthusiastically. "I'm Spencer, the student body president. You aced the scholarship exam, so everyone who cares about it knows who you are."
"Oh," you muttered, pulling your hand back when he wouldn't stop shaking it. Spencer seemed genuinely excited to meet you. He also seemed like the overly passionate, overachieving type.
"Sorry," he grinned. "By the way, would you be interested in signing up for the freshman representative elections?"
"Thanks, but I'll have to pass. I'm sure you'll find other suitable candidates." You turned to leave but he blocked your way.
"That's too bad, but if you change your mind, the student council office is right next to the Arts and Sciences building."
"Sure. I'll remember that. Excuse me," you said, walking past him quickly so he wouldn't block you again. As you did, a guy bumped into you so hard that you fell to the ground.
"Y/N!" Spencer helped you up. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, thanks," you muttered, dusting yourself off. You looked at the guy who had bumped into you. He was on the ground too, struggling to get up.
"Mark!" someone called, rushing to help him. "Seriously, dude? Do you ever watch where you're going?"
Mark scoffed. "How do you know it was my fault?"
The other guy helped him up while you watched, recognizing him. Mark Lee—the guy Tina had a crush on.
"Because you're you, dumbass," the other guy chided. Mark looked at you, tilting his head and scratching his neck shyly.
"I'm sorry, I didn't see you. I was running away from someone," he explained before clenching his fist and showing it to the guy who helped him up. "Are you okay?"
"Fine."
"You guys need to watch where you're going!" Spencer scolded them while you took the chance to escape through the crowds.
You found yourself in the Arts and Sciences building, walking down the halls to locate your classrooms. There wouldn’t be any classes today, but you wanted to memorize their locations to avoid wasting time tomorrow.
"Hey! I didn't catch your name," said someone, stopping you by holding your elbow. You glanced down at his hand on your arm, prompting him to let go. "Sorry. I'm Mark, by the way."
"I don't see why this is necessary," you replied. You didn’t mean to be unfriendly, but you genuinely thought introductions were unnecessary. The collision was an accident, and you were pretty sure you wouldn’t be making friends with him. You were you, and Mark seemed to be on a completely different wavelength.
"Well, if I'm gonna be seeing you around, I think this is necessary," he insisted, smiling with his eyes focused on your face, not even blinking.
You told him your name, deciding it was easier to just give him what he wanted so he’d leave you alone.
"Nice to meet you," he said, offering his hand for a shake. You took it, shaking it once.
"Well then," you said before walking away.
"See you in class!" he called out, but you didn’t look back.
You didn’t think about Mark again for the rest of the day. But he appeared at your workplace after midnight, peering over the counter at you.
"Can I help you?"
"What time do you get off work?" he asked directly, skipping any small talk.
"None of your business. What can I get you?"
"There's a party at school. Why are you here?"
"Again, sir, it's none of your business. Is there anything you want to eat?"
"Can I pick you up after your shift?"
You exhaled sharply, looking around to see if anyone could substitute for you at the counter. Everyone was busy, so you had to deal with Mark yourself.
"What are you doing in my workplace?"
Mark grinned, pleased to finally get a reaction from you. "Stalking you."
You raised an eyebrow at him, prompting him to laugh.
"No, not really. I'm not stalking you. I'm a regular here."
Your eyebrow remained raised, and you crossed your arms.
He swallowed nervously. "Can—can I get a cola with that burger?" he asked, his voice breaking as he pointed at the menu on the wall.
You punched in his order on the register. "That will be $4.60."
Mark was persistent and patient. You came to know that after he continuously pursued you despite your indifference. He consistently went to your workplace. Sometimes he'd try his luck with a little flirting. Most times he'd just be there, quietly eating his food and taking too long to leave. At one point in the middle of the semester, he started studying there too. Another thing that worked in his favor was your classes. You're both Arts students, and you're both majoring in Arts History so you see him in most of your classes. He always shared your notes and asked you about assignments and stuff. He also tried to pair up with you each time you were given group work.
You mostly just went with the flow. You stopped getting bothered by it when you realized that your snide attitude wouldn't push him away. The attention you gave him was limited to what was required of you by your schoolwork. And you ignored his flirting and his random invitations for a date or coffee, even if he reduced the venue to the university food court. The one factor of his endless chase that you least expected was his friends.
"Yo, it's Mark's muse!" said Stan as soon as she walked into the diner.
Your ears twitched after being called that so you emphasized your name. "Welcome to our diner! My name is Y/n. What can I get for you?"
"Oh, so that's your name? It's cute, it suits you. I'm Stan." Stan beamed. He looked like a typical jock so you were expecting him to act like one but he seemed genuinely glad to know you.
"Yeah, I wonder why Mark always kept it to himself like some obsessed psycho," said the girl he was with. She smiled at you and offered her hand. "My name is Nadine. Nice to meet you, Y/n."
"Hi," you greeted timidly, returning her smile.
"Mark's crazy for you and I can see why," said the third guy whose every move, tone, and clothing tell you he's queer. "I'm Timmy. Not Tim, Timmy."
You found yourself surrounded by Mark and his circle of friends. They were nice, and it surprised you because they looked like the typical rich kids from the west side of the city: snobby, bratty, and mean for no reason. But they were actually good company, balancing academics and social life perfectly. They were popular and smart, and you felt a little bad for having prejudices against them. Although you liked to keep to yourself, you didn’t discourage their presence. You let them join you at the food court when you were alone. You let them drag you to school events and even let them add you to their noisy group chatroom. It never occurred to you at the time that you were making friends, something you never saw yourself doing. You felt so accepted and free with them. And it was safe to say your feelings started growing towards Mark the moment his friends came into the picture because that was when you got to know him properly.
"Mark! Come on, man! You're just gonna walk down the aisle. Why do you keep messing up?" Timmy scolded for the nth time today.
"Sorry," Mark said half-heartedly.
"What's wrong?" Dianne peered from outside the church.
"Mark keeps missing the timing," Amanda reported.
"Sorry, Di. Let's try again, Tims. I'll get it right this time."
"No. This time, y/n will hold you and you won't complain." Timmy linked your arms together and told everyone to go back out. It was the second day of rehearsals but Mark was still keeping the attitude. You were getting annoyed by it, but you chose not to intervene in case he lashed out at you. Not that you’d hate for that to happen, in fact, that would be better than making everyone walk on eggshells around the two of you.
On Timmy’s cue, the music started playing again. You huffed beside Mark, frustrated by the amount of time you had to go back from the top and hyper-aware of your linked arms.
"Stop it," you chided in a low voice.
Mark glared at you, but he kept his voice low. "Stop what?"
"Stop messing up! Why do you keep doing that?" you hissed and he scoffed.
"Because you're annoying, that's why," he spat, giving you a quick head-to-foot scan.
"Mark! In 3!" Spencer shouted and you both diverted your attention to him. You were dumbfounded but you didn't miss the cue and you both walked in together.
The practice ended after another hour and you all gathered back to Dianne's house for dinner. While everyone was busy with conversations, you couldn't help but notice the way Mark was glaring at you from across the table. He's not even hiding it anymore. At first, he just refused to interact with you but now he's downright showing everyone his disdain for you.
"Y/n!" Timmy cheered, walking to your seat to wrap his arms around you. "It's been so long, how have you been?"
"Yeah! You look great! Tell us what you've been up to in the last few years."
You chuckled timidly, embarrassed because of the sudden shower of attention. "I'm well, thanks. I’m a professor."
"She's an Art professor at NYU," Stan added.
"Really? Didn't you move to New York for NYU?"
"Yeah. I got lucky."
You glanced over at Mark who now have his eyes somewhere else.
"Are you seeing anyone?"
"What?" you blurted, surprised by the shift of topic.
"Boyfriend?"
You eyed Mark and found him still looking uninterested. "Well, I..."
"No, she's not. She hasn't dated anyone since she left the city."
Timmy scoffed at Stan. "Are you here as her representative? Why are you answering for her?"
"Because she's shy! And was I wrong, y/n? Didn't you say you haven't dated anyone since you and Mark—"
Stan was cut off when Nadine shoved a piece of bread in his mouth. "You're so skinny. You should eat some more!"
You saw Mark stand up and walk away, leaving the entire table in an awkward silence. Stan finally removed the bread from his mouth.
"Was that my fault?"
Everyone glared at him so he just flattened his lips and did a zipping gesture over his mouth.
It was Christmas when you started dating Mark. He took you to see a Christmas movie downtown but it was so boring so you just kept making funny remarks about it. You had been giggling and goofing around so much that you got kicked out of the cinema. You're not sorry though, it was an awful movie. But then you left your beanie inside the cinema and you tried to get it back only for the security guard to kick you out and threaten to call the cops on you.
"Ah, have I given you my Christmas gift yet?" Mark asked as he fitted his beanie on your head.
"You got me a Christmas gift?"
"Of course. That's the point of Christmas."
You narrowed your eyes at him. "I'm pretty sure it's Jesus' birthday."
"Maybe, but if you look further into history, you'll find that yuletide traditions were already around even before Jesus' time."
"Okay, smartass," you scoffed, tucking your hands in your jacket.
"You didn't know that? You would know that if you paid attention in class, y/n!"
You punched his chest. "Shut up. Don't use my lines on me."
Mark laughed, rubbing the part of his chest that you hit. "So, I have a gift."
"Okay, where is it?"
"Promise me you'll accept it?"
You flattened your lips. Mark has a tendency to go over the top with things and you're starting to worry that he might have bought you an expensive gift.
"It depends."
"On what?"
"On whether you spent hundreds on it."
Mark's eyes lit up. "Just 3 dollars and 42 hours."
Your brows creased. "Did you make me a Christmas sweater?"
"Yes. The ugliest one ever," he grinned before taking out a small box from the pocket of his jacket.
You found a diner to stop in and order food. Since it was Christmas, they gave you free eggnogs and candy canes.
"What are you waiting for? Open it!"
"Is it for me or for you?" you jeered.
"For you."
"Then I'll open it when I want to."
Mark whined. "Please open it? I want to see you open it."
You rolled your eyes at him as you were sipping on your drink. "Fine."
Taking the gift out, you carefully tore open the wrapping and opened the box next. You first thought it wasn't really a sweater since the box was too small, but you were surprised that it was in fact, a knitted sweater. A miniature one dangling on a keyring chain. It has a crooked letter M on the shirt that makes you grin.
"Did you make this?"
"I know it's ugly, but I made it with love. I even have mine here." He showed you his car keys which the sweater keyring is now holding. That sweater has your initial on it.
"But why is mine M?"
"M for Mark," he replied without missing a beat. You grimaced so he laughed. "You already accepted it. No backsies."
You shrugged and took out your own set of keys from your purse. You placed it on the table and fished your phone then started attaching the keyring in your phone case.
"Those are for the keys!"
"It's mine, I do what I want with it."
"Why your phone though?"
You smile after you're done with the task and let it dangle from your phone. "So that everyone will see it and ask why I have an ugly sweater as a phone accessory."
Mark laughed at that and you watched him for a while, taking in his features; the pretty curve of his eyes, his arched eyebrows, his supple skin, and the way his adorable set of teeth showed when he smiled. You stared and realized that he was the most breathtaking man you had ever met. Not because he's the most handsome or the most good-looking, but rather because he's the one person in this place that made you see the sliver of beauty that it possessed. He made you see that this place is not completely miserable. He made you realize that love can bloom even in a place where you never imagined it could survive.
"And when they do ask me that," you added after a while, making Mark pause to listen. "I'll tell them my boyfriend made it for me."
You saw how Mark's face went from goofy to surprised to delighted in a matter of seconds. He stood up from his seat across you and swiftly pulled you up for a hug. You hugged him back because you realized you were right all along, Mark doesn't only look warm, he is warm. His embrace, his breath, and the way he makes your heart feel. Mark is the warmth that you yearned for in your cold miserable world.
"Are you my girlfriend?"
"Yes."
"If I kiss you, will that be okay?"
"Yes."
And so, Mark did. He scooped your face and you never thought he could get any warmer than he already was but there he was, surprising you again.
"You think Mark's pissed?" Dianne asked worriedly when you saw each other at the breakfast table the next morning. She was asking you but you just shrugged. "He never came back last night," she added, as if you don't already know that.
"I'm sure he's fine. Probably just a little under the weather. I heard he had flu a few days ago and just got better," Amanda concluded but that didn't seem to convince Dianne.
"I'm sorry, y/n. We shouldn't have forced the two of you together. It was mainly my idea and Timmy just agreed because he said the thought behind it was beautiful."
"It's okay," you smiled, squeezing her hand affectionately. "Mark just has his issues right now. You know how he is; he won't let this ruin anything in the slightest."
"I hope so," Dianne sighed. "I'm starting to consider changing things up. I know it's about us but I also don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable during the whole thing."
Amanda tapped on your elbow so you glanced at her. "What did go wrong with you two?"
"Mandy!" Dianne chided but you just smiled at her, telling her it was alright.
Everything was well between you and Mark. He was a great boyfriend, just like you imagined he'd be. He was consistent and patient, and he never failed to show you his affection in plenty of ways.
He would offer to help you study, share his notes with you, and help you when you're struggling with any of your classes. He randomly took you to where there's good food and he also showed you beautiful places around the city. He was patient with you and never forced you into anything without your consent. You were just happy, utterly happy each time you were with him. In exchange, you gave him your time, your affection, and your undivided attention. You encouraged him when he was down and insecure. You encouraged his dreams and showed him that he is capable of doing anything as long as he puts his mind to it. Your relationship was a happy one, catering to each other with utmost care and living in the moment while reminding each other of your love.
Mark was content, you were happy. Your relationship had no problems. The problem was you. While Mark bore his whole entire being for you to see and love, you only shared your best side. You showed him your intelligence, your wit, your beauty, and your kindness. But you never showed him your frustrations, your struggles, your darkness, and your pain. You told him your dreams and aspirations but you never told him the things that motivated these dreams. While Mark showed you the good and the bad, you gave him the good and left it at that.
"Good for you! You finally found your way home!" your aunt said sarcastically when she opened the door for you.
"Are you drunk?" you asked despite not caring at all. You walked past her into your bedroom to take some of the stuff that you'd be needing for school.
"You look good. Is the university treating you well? I heard you earned a scholarship," she asked as she trailed behind you.
You opened your bedroom and saw the messy state it was in. It was clean when you left it but it looks like someone had been living in it.
"Did you go through my stuff?"
"Why would I do that? It's not like you leave anything valuable when you go out," she spat, leaning on the doorway.
You searched through your desk for your files and tucked them safely inside your bag. Then you remembered you needed a few clothing so you went through your closet.
"So how was school? Do they give you a stipend for your scholarship?" she pressed on and you couldn't help huffing when you recognized where the conversation was going.
"They don't. I get a 75% discount on tuition. I still need to pay for the remaining 25," you explained begrudgingly, groaning when you couldn't find the jacket you were looking for. You looked elsewhere and found it on the floor by the hamper. "Have you been wearing my clothes?" you asked but your aunt just shrugged.
"Why would I wear your clothes? They're too big for me."
"That's because you're so thin. I told you to eat properly. But look at you!" you chided, huffing again. "You've been drinking again! It's 9 in the morning! You told your rehab officer that you'd stop!"
Your aunt might have been cruel but she was still your mother's sister. You wanted to hate her to the point of abandoning her, but she looks so much like your mom that you can't even ignore her.
"Stop nagging me and just give me money for food! How will I eat when I have nothing for food?" she hollered back at you.
You decided to ignore her and put your dirty clothes back into the hamper. That was when you saw a few pieces of used condoms right by the basket.
"Gross. What's this?"
"Oh, that's not mine. It's Greg's."
You scowled. "Who's Greg?"
"The one renting your room."
Your jaw dropped. "You rented out my room?"
"You didn't come home and the room was vacant. We needed money because you haven't given us any for the past few months."
"Damn it, Auntie!" you complained, stomping on the floor.
You hurriedly grabbed your other stuff and found a bag to stash them in. Everything important, you stuffed in your luggage and brought it out of the room.
"Where are you going with all that?"
"I'm going back to the dorms. I'll be living there until I finish college anyway."
You dragged it all the way outside the house. Taking your purse out, you gave your aunt a few 20s and told her to stop drinking and buy some decent food. She didn't even thank you and proceeded to tell you that they had no running water because it had been cut off.
"Tell your asshole husband to work! I'm not your piggy bank!"
"What did you say about me?"
You spun when you heard your uncle's voice from behind you. He looked drunk already but he was carrying a bag of alcohol.
"You bitch, what were you saying about me?" he repeated, walking closer so you were face to face with him.
You glared at him, not even scared of his taunting. "I said you're an assho—"
You were cut off by a sudden pain in your shoulder, making you fall onto the ground. You didn't notice the empty bottle he was holding in his right hand that he used to hit you.
"You have the nerve to talk like that after I let you live in my house! You ungrateful bitch!" He raised his hand to hit you again but you kicked his shin. You stood up quickly and hit him with your purse. You hit his head and then his back and again and again until he was on the ground. Your aunt rushed to him so you stopped, kicking the bag of alcohol bottles and spitting on it before you walked away with your stuff. You are never going back there.
For years, he verbally and physically abused you, hitting you when you couldn't give him money and hitting you again when you talked back to him. You will never stop talking back to him, you have the right to do so after they bled you dry of your parents' money. They even went through your college fund and didn't leave a single penny for you. And when you started working, they continued to milk you for the money you earned through your hard work. You were the only one keeping that house running but each time you tried to make things work, they go back to their old ways. If it wasn't for you being a minor, you would have left a long time ago. Now you're a legal adult and you won't stand up for it anymore. Once you finish college, you will leave this place and never come back.
"Hi, you're y/n, right?"
You looked up at the pretty lady who approached you outside the library. "Yes. Can I help you?"
She smiled and offered her hand for a shake. "My name is Dianne. I was thinking of offering you a part time job, if you want it."
"What makes you think I need it?" Your response was a little harsh but Dianne understood that it may have sounded like she was looking down at your financial status.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. The library is hiring new junior librarians this semester. It's exclusive to scholars and it has a grade requirement. I was thinking of offering you a spot."
"Oh, I heard about it," you told her, warming up a little.
"Yeah. You see, no one applied yet. A handful did but they did not meet the grade requirement. It's a school foundation effort so having good grades is really important because you'll be getting paid for the job."
"I'll try it out."
"Great. You can apply inside," she said,
guiding you into the library.
You filled out a form and Dianne asked you to wait while they check your grades. The waiting didn't take long and she told you you got the job. You had no class left for the day and you have exactly five hours before your shift at the diner starts so you got started right away on a 4-hour library duty.
The work wasn't hard. You will need to sort books, handle returns, do an inventory every few weeks, and update the portal for every new book. So far it was only you and Dianne on the junior librarian team because as she mentioned, no one else applied for it. Dianne was a senior Linguistics student and she seemed nice.
"I've been a librarian since I was a freshman. My friends have been calling me one too. Sometimes they joke that I smell like books."
You chuckled quietly. She was chatting you up while she was showing you the stock room. That was when your phone started ringing.
"Who is it?" she asked inquisitively.
"My boyfriend," you replied, eyeing his name on the screen.
"Hmmh, good for you that you have a boyfriend. I think this library is the reason why I don't have one," she sighed, leaving you alone to answer the call.
You told Mark where you were and he said he'd be there soon so you finished up with the library work. When you came out, you found Mark in the lounge and he waved at you. This wasn't new because you always hung out with him at the library. But seeing your librarian vest made him laugh quietly. You told him to behave while you do your job. You've been tasked to put the returned books back on their shelves and Mark helped you push the cart.
"You're a librarian now?" he teased while you were looking for a specific shelf.
"I am."
"Why?"
"Because I am. It's my dream," you joked and he laughed so you shushed him.
"Sorry. How did this happen?"
"They were hiring junior librarians."
"And you signed up because your dream was to be one?"
"Yes. And I get paid to do it," you chimed.
"Sounds like a good deal,” he chuckled heartily, knowing you didn’t mean it.
You were halfway through the tall stack of books and didn't notice that you'd gone further into the back part of the library until Mark pulled you aside.
"Why? What's wrong?" you asked, thinking he was running from something. Mark looked around and peeked outside the corner you were hiding in before he smiled at you. You sighed upon realizing that he was trying to be alone with you. "Really? In the library?"
Mark shrugged. "Why? I'm sure we're not the only ones doing it."
"Yes, but right now, I'm a librarian. I should be discouraging this rather than doing it myself."
"Two minutes?" he pleaded.
"Mark," you threatened.
"One?"
"We have time later," you insisted but he pouted.
"Thirty seconds?" was his last bargain.
You huffed before you pulled the collar of his shirt and kissed him. He kissed you right back, holding your waist firmly and even closing his eyes. You might have done it begrudgingly, but you gotta admit how great it was to be kissing Mark. Still, you kept count of the time he bargained for, and right as he was starting to feel up your ass, you pushed him back.
"Your thirty seconds is up."
"Aw," he whined but you were already leaving the nook. He grabbed your shoulder and you winced in pain because he gripped the exact spot where your uncle had hit you. "Oh, shit, sorry! What happened?"
He was quick to push the sleeve of your shirt up and you couldn't even stop him. The bruise was dark and purple and his eyes almost popped out of their sockets at the sight of it.
"What the hell happened?" he hollered so you covered his mouth and shushed him, looking around the library for anyone you disturbed. You were at the farthest corner though so no one saw you.
"Just some accident at work," you lied through gritted teeth. "Be quiet!"
"You're so clumsy!" he chided softly, kissing the spot tenderly.
"Really? Coming from you?"
The next day, you arrived at the library and were welcomed by Mark Lee, the new junior librarian.
"No way. You're not a scholar. You don't even need the salary," you chided, grimacing at him.
"Well, his grades were good and they're consistent. The scholarship part was a big deal but since were short-staffed, the Head Librarian just agreed to take him in," Dianne explained. "Anyway, I already showed you how to sort these right? Get started on it. Mark, be a dear and help your girlfriend. Take these to the stock room."
You looked down the box of newly purchased books for the library and then to Mark who was smiling when he picked them up and loaded them one by one on the cart.
"Also, don't hook up there. I mean, no one will find out that you did but don't do it! It's unsanitary." Dianne teased so you shushed her.
"Dianne! Gross!"
She was giggling when you left for the stock room. Mark was walking snuggly close to you so you took a step away. But then he came close again so you just let him do it until you reached the stock room.
"Dianne is very nice," he commented while he opened the boxes.
"Yeah, and she's very pretty too."
"I can see that," Mark agreed.
"Right? That's why I was wondering why she's single."
"She's single?"
"She is. She says it's because she's a boring librarian, but I'm pretty sure I noticed a few guys checking her out yesterday. They're even pretending to read."
Mark chuckled. "I think it's because she's pretty intimidating."
"Pretty and intimidating, " you corrected and you both laughed.
"I know someone who likes her. And I was thinking of setting them up. Remember Owen? From the bookshop downtown."
"Yeah, he seems nice."
"What do you think?"
You shook your head, placing the books you've finished counting on a separate box, and then you walked towards Mark. "I think we shouldn't meddle with other people's business."
"I agree," he replied, lips curving into a smile when you didn't stop coming closer. You gave him a coy smile as you placed a hand on his abdomen, firmly pressing on the muscles beneath his shirt. Mark's breathing hitched but he steadied it again. "And I agree with that. Keep going. I will keep agreeing," he declared, nodding his head encouragingly.
You grabbed the tape dispenser from behind him and immediately moved back to your seat in front of the table.
"What will you keep agreeing on, Mark Lee?" you asked innocently as you pulled the tape out to close the box of books.
"Hey, no fair!"
You just laughed when he went behind you and hugged your sitting figure. He even stomped his feet in a tantrum.
"What? You're so naughty. We're literally in school."
He lifted his head from your neck and looked sideways at you. "How about when we're outside school?"
"I don't know. What do you mean by that question anyway?"
"Babe!" he whined again and you just laughed. "Stop teasing me! You're so mean!"
After putting the books in the records, you spent a few more minutes in the stock room making out with Mark to appease him. He didn't ask for anything much, content with what you were willing to give him. He was even grinning like a fool when you left the stock room.
The library became a special place for you and Mark, working together and goofing around. It was tiring sometimes but Mark was there and everything seemed to go well whenever he was around. That was what Mark has become in your life, someone you can lean on who doesn't attempt to pry for anything you're not willing to share. You know it was because he was oblivious to your inner demons, but you were glad to have a part of you that is not influenced by your pain. Sure, you realized somewhere along the way that you became an entirely different person when you're with Mark, but he doesn't know that and you decided to let it stay that way.
"Wow!" you all exclaimed when you arrived at the beach that was more than familiar to you. It had been decorated with a podium, a stage, and the surrounding structures. The only things missing are the flowers and the drapes which will be installed on the wedding day to avoid getting ruined.
"Look at this place!" You exclaimed. "It looks so much better now!"
The beach used to be nothing but a vacant space, with palm trees, wildflowers, and washed-over branches. Apparently, Owen bought it a year ago when the nearby hotel threatened to develop it into an extension of their building. He beautified it and built a beach house where they usually stayed during get-togethers. The beach remains open to the public, except this week for their wedding.
"Hey, isn't this your dating place?" Stan asked you and received a spank on the head courtesy of Timmy. "Ow! Hey!"
"Why would you bring that up?"
"I was just asking because I missed her," Stan defended and you just shook your head before following the girls into the house.
"What do you think?" Owen asked when you entered the house. You couldn't say anything other than gape at the wooden but modernized utilities around the house. It was spacious and you understood why Owen called it The Friends House because it really was big enough to house a large group of friends.
"It's beautiful, Owen. I don't know what to say."
"Yeah, you would have seen it before if you hadn't continuously bailed out on our invitations," Owen sulked, pouting at you. Dianne elbowed him and he groaned. "But you're here now! Welcome to the Friends House!"
"Thanks," you chimed. "It's great what you've done to the place."
"This place means a lot to Dianne and me, and it meant a lot to our crazy little squad so, other than the fact that it would be awful to tear the beach down, I also didn't want to lose its sentimental value."
You were about to say something when Mark arrived, making all heads turn to him.
"What?" he asked after a few seconds of awkward silence.
"Mark! You came back!" Stan cried dramatically, running to Mark for a hug.
The others laughed while Dianne called you girls to assign rooms. You shared your room with Nadine and you didn't care enough to ask how the boys assigned theirs. You then went out with the girls for a spa and shopping treatment downtown. She called it her last day of freedom and later tonight, the bridal shower that you prepared with the bridesmaids will take place in the beach house. Dianne called dibs on it because your party was indoors. As for the boys, you had no idea what they were up to.
"So that beach," Tris began while the five of you were getting your nails done. "I heard Mark discovered it?"
"Mark and y/n," Nadine corrected.
"Yeah, Mark," Tris repeated, turning to Nadine. "How exactly did he find such a beautiful place?"
You saw how Nadine grinned devilishly. "By taking y/n on romantic dates around the city."
Tris frowned at her and leaned back on her seat with a ‘hmph’.
Mark liked driving around the city. In the first few months of your relationship, you thought you'd seen everything there is to see but he surprised you again by taking you to the coast. You knew there's a coastline here but you've never been there before. It was lined by resorts and hotels but in a secluded spot westward is a hidden gem that he proudly boasted to you like he's the one who discovered it. Of course, it's been there ever since but it was too far to be considered a go-to place for anyone who wants to go to the beach. It was untouched and beautiful and you did plenty of picnics there, watching the sunset together.
He took you there to celebrate anything. He took you there when you needed comfort or when he needed a break. He took you there for no reason, especially when you both want to go out but can't think of a specific place to go. Most days, you would stay until after the sun has completely set, tangled in each other in a liplock. It was your own little secret until it wasn't anymore.
"I'm hungry," Mark complained, lying on your lap under the shade.
You snorted. "We literally just ate everything in our basket."
"Yeah, but I'm still hungry. I don't know why," he replied, sitting up and looking around. "Should we try fishing?"
"You'll need a boat for that and a fishing line."
"Foraging? Seashells wash up here all the time."
"You'll need to cook it."
"There is some seafood you can eat raw," he insisted and you shrugged.
"Yeah, but I think you'll need at least some salt or something."
He looked at you and stared for a while, his eyes moving from your lips to your eyes and back again.
"What?" you asked when he didn't say anything.
"I know what I want to eat," he said seriously, moving towards you.
You scoffed and met him halfway, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. "There. Satisfied?"
"No," he replied, still inching closer so you leaned back. "It was a bit bland, chef. I think I need to taste it again."
You giggled still leaning back. When you couldn't hold yourself up anymore, you held onto his neck, but that caused you to accidentally pull him close and fall on your back down the picnic mat. He moved painfully slow towards your lips and kissed you equally as slowly. When he wouldn't kiss you properly, you realized he was teasing you so you bit his lip.
"Ow!" he muttered, laughing at your annoyed expression. "What? I was trying to taste it properly."
You pulled him by the collar and kissed him. Mark stopped playing around then, kissing you properly in the same delirious way you liked it to be. He bit your lip, prompting you to open your mouth and when you did, his tongue slid expertly inside. Four months of dating had you become an expert in kissing each other.
He has memorized your lips, your pattern, and your timings. He kissed you like he studied how to and you have no complaints because the last time you kissed someone has long been lost from your memory. Mark was the best and only kiss you've ever known.
"Mark," you breathed when you parted for a moment. He didn't reply and just dived in to kiss you again. It seemed like he wouldn't be listening to you, focusing too much on your lips, so you gathered your strength to sit up. He fell off on you and looked at you worriedly because of your sudden movement.
"Sorry, was that too much?"
"No." You pushed his chest so he was lying down and straddled his hips. Mark looked up at you in surprise.
"Y/n..." he muttered, hands falling on your waist.
"You're not listening to me," you complained before kissing him.
Mark was dragged into the vice of your lips again, one hand firmly holding your back while the other rested on your waist. Lust has begun to overcome you, grinding ever so slightly on his hard-on. That made Mark pull away and stare at you.
"What are you doing?"
You buried your face on his chest, too shy to show him how horny he has made you in the last few minutes.
"Babe, you don't have to if you don't want to," he whispered, kissing your head and patting your back.
"I want to," you mumbled but he didn't seem to hear. You lifted your head and looked straight into his eyes. "I want to, Mark. I want you."
Mark claimed your lips then and you were back to making out. His hand that once sat innocently on your waist has slid under your sundress, caressing and squeezing your inner thigh. His kisses left your lips to travel the length of your neck, sucking and kissing the supple skin. He sat up to better access your chest, pulling down the sleeves of your dress to reveal your bosoms.
"Oh, baby, look at you," he blurted as he took a good look at your chest before burying his face between them and taking a huge sniff of your skin. "You're so beautiful."
"Mark," you called out, pulling his head away before dragging your bra down. Mark wasted no time and sucked on your nipple, massaging the other one. The moan that escaped your mouth was euphoric, making you grind on his erection even faster. He kept switching between your boobs, all the while encouraging you to keep grinding by helping you move your waist.
"Oh my gosh," you screamed out, feeling your pussy clench with pleasure. Mark flipped you over, taking his shirt off before kissing your lips. When he pulled away, he gave you a smirk that almost made you gasp. Mark had always been handsome but right now, he looked so sexy to you and you knew it was the lust in your head that's making you say so.
He lifted your dress up to your waist and panic overcame you, making you close your legs. Mark just gave you an encouraging smile and squeezed your knee.
"It's okay. We can stop here today," he said softly.
"No, it's not that." You looked away, embarrassed to say the next words. "I've never done this before."
Mark appeared clueless for a second. "Sorry, what?"
You huffed and pushed yourself in a sitting position and wrapped your knees in your arms. "Nevermind. Let's just go if you're not interested."
Mark just laughed and pulled you into a hug. "Hey, that's not what I mean. Come on." He laid you back down, kissing you softly before looking into your eyes. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"
"Yeah."
"It might hurt."
"Yeah, it's okay."
"Really?"
"Yes, Mark! Are we gonna do this or not?"
Mark chuckled, kissing your forehead. "We are. I'm just checking to be sure."
"Fine." You were frowning but you just can't wait for Mark to pick up where you left off. You made out some more, building the heat back up from where it was abruptly halted. Mark began by touching your pussy, feeling up your wetness, and massaging it over your underwear. He pulled away from the kiss and caressed your cheek.
"Alright. Don't worry, okay? I got you," he said, leaving your side to position between your legs. He stripped you off your underwear and looked down at your pussy, then back at you with a smirk. But just as he was about to go down on you, you heard faint laughter from a distance that made you sit up instantly.
"Did you hear that?" you asked and Mark shushed you so he could listen properly.
"Mark?!" called a loud voice from far away. You gasped, taking your underwear and slipping it back on.
"Mark Lee?!" the voice called again, nearer this time.
"Shit, it's Stan!" Mark blurted and you immediately tossed his shirt back to him.
Mark wore it and stood in complete panic so you made him sit next to you on the mat and you both watched the yellow sky like nothing happened.
"Mark?" Stan called, his head peeking through the bushes. "Ah, there they are. I told you Mark is here!"
You glanced back at them, feigning indifference. Mark was even able to act annoyed.
"Yo, guys, what are you doing here?" he asked as Nadine and Timmy followed right behind Stan. "How did you find this place?"
"We were driving around when we saw your car on the side of the road," Timmy explained, looking around. "This place is beautiful. What is this place?"
"Mark found it," you replied, looking at Mark.
"Wow, and you've been keeping this from us? Like, really?" Nadine accused while looking around in amazement as well. "This place is literally paradise."
"It's an undeveloped part of the beachline, Nad. Don't be dramatic," Timmy chuckled. "But you're right. A few tweaks, some flowers and fruit trees, and this place will be paradise."
"Food!" Stan exclaimed, running to the basket you had with you. You just laughed knowing there's nothing in there.
Nadine was the first to call it Friends Beach, mainly because she was obsessed with Friends at the time but also because you didn't know what to call it when you made plans to go there. You cleaned the beach all the time, making sure no one would trash it and Timmy even went on to bring fruit trees and orchids that he attached to the huge tree at the center of the area. You kept it to yourselves, declaring it a private space just for friends. But your friend group soon welcomed two more people in it after a successful blind date mission.
"Mark! Guess what?!" you exclaimed at Mark when he visited you at the diner one day.
"What?"
"You said Owen likes Dianne?"
"Yeah. He said the pretty senior at the university library. Why?"
"How did they meet?"
Mark leaned on the table and thought for a while. "I'm not sure but he said he first saw her when she was delivering books to the library a few months ago. Why?"
You gasped. "Oh my god, I knew it. Listen, Dianne said she met this really nice guy a few months ago and fell in love with him but she heard he has a wife, so she reduced it to a crush. But she always passed by his bookshop every day to see him."
"Bookshop? You mean she likes Owen too?"
"Yes. Other than old man Luciano, the only one with a bookshop downtown is Owen."
Mark was also shocked by your revelation. "But wait, did she say he has a wife?"
"Yes."
"Owen doesn't have a wife."
"Oh, so why did she say that?"
"I don't know. But he's single, for sure. I know because we're close. Although he does hook up sometimes, he's very single."
You nodded at this and gave Mark a big grin. "You know how I said we shouldn't meddle with other people's business?"
"Yeah."
"I take that back. Let's set them up!"
And so, you spent a week planning an elaborate blind date for Owen and Dianne with the help of your other friends. By the weekend, you went home feeling proud that the date took place and then you braced yourselves for the results. Setting it up was the easy part, the hard part was whether they'd click or not. And that's also the part you can't do anything about.
"How was it?" Mark secretly asked when you saw each other at the library on Monday after the weekend date.
"I don't know. I just got here too. I haven't seen her yet."
"Mark, y/n?"
You both jolted when you heard Dianne speak behind you. She sounded stern and looked even more so when you saw her face. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was tapping her foot on the floor impatiently.
"Dianne! Hi!" Mark greeted jovially, laughing awkwardly right after.
"I know what you guys did," she said without missing a beat and you felt your heart sink. Mark almost knelt on the floor if you hadn't stopped him.
"Dianne, I'm sorry. It was my idea," you blurted but she remained unfazed so you swallowed.
"THANK YOU!" She cheered loudly before hugging the two of you, even shaking your arms in excitement.
"Silence in the library!" The head librarian shouted and the three of you ducked and then ran to the nearest bookshelf to hide.
Dianne and Owen became a constant in your friend group in no time. You hung out often and even turned Owen's bookshop into a mini café where he'd make coffee for you each time you went there. Dianne was definitely older than you and your friends so she mostly acted like the mom of the group, scolding those who were skipping study time and giving out study materials during exams week. Owen just bought you food each time one of you complains of hunger. Your bond grew closer through time until you left and decided to never come back.
You used to belong with these people, a friend and a special part of their lives. Maybe you still are right now, but in your heart, you know you don't deserve to be at the receiving end of their love anymore. You used to love this group, but now you hate them. Not the kind of hate that makes you want to punch them in the face or cut them off, but the kind that makes you hate yourself. Simply put, you hate them because you hate yourself. Why? Mark. He was the reason you became friends with them and after doing such an awful thing to him, you felt undeserving of this whole squad. If anything, you wish they'd hate you but Mark would never let that happen. Whatever happened between you, it seems like he kept it to himself. Because if he did tell anyone, you know they'd hate your guts.
"Are you ready Di?" Timmy asked as he pushed a cart with the cake on it. You all wanted to laugh looking at the dick-shaped fondant adorning the cake, but you stopped yourselves.
The Friends’ House is now filled with girls involved in Dianne's wedding, friends, relatives, and other ladies who were invited to the Bridal Shower.
"Welcome to your last night of maidenhood!" Timmy announced, and Amanda lifted the blindfold off of Dianne's head on cue. You all started cheering when she grabbed the dick cake and bit off its head. Some cameras were filming her as she did this. The party went on with loud music blasting from speakers, champagne showers, lots of dancing, and more alcohol.
By 11pm, the house was reduced into a crowded mess of drunken women, wet with both sweat and champagne and lying down on whatever solid space they could find.
"We're old," Dianne muttered while you lay on the wooden floor with her and the others. "We can't even last until midnight. That's just another hour from now."
You giggled; head clouded with alcohol. You had just started coming down from the high of the party and the sugar rush of sweet pastries.
"No, you're old. I'm just partying with the wrong crowd," Nadine corrected, rolling on her side so she could hug you. "I wonder what the boys are up to."
"Probably falling asleep like we are," Dianne laughed. "Drunk and wasted at 11pm."
"You guys are wasted. Not me," you snorted as you forced yourself to stand up, squinting so your eyes would focus on the figure you were seeing at the doorway. You recognized Mark and immediately perked up.
"Oh, it's my Mark," you grinned, standing up groggily to go to him. You staggered a few times, but you regained your balance, telling no one that you were okay. "No, seriously guys. I'm okay!"
"Oh god, what is she doing?" Nadine asked, watching you walk towards the man and wrap your arms around his neck.
"You're a handsome young man," you told him, losing your balance on your high heels but he caught your arm and you just giggled. "Sorry. You look like this guy I used to know."
"Get your shit together, y/n," he chided through gritted teeth.
"Sounds like something he'd say if he sees me like this," you replied, giggling.
"You're drunk. Go get some rest."
You straightened up but you didn't take your arms off of him. "Oh, I'm not drunk but they are!" You pointed to the others and started laughing at them.
Nadine groaned and lay back down. "Ugh, she's gonna regret this."
"Can I kiss you?"
Mark was taken aback but he just frowned slightly. "Why would you do that? Do you know me?"
"You're Mark Lee," you giggled and then scowled. "Or are you? I think you are."
"Why would you kiss me if you know I'm Mark Lee?"
You looked away for a second to think. "I don't know." You glanced back at him and let go of his neck. "You know what, you're right. I can't just kiss you because you look like Mark."
You were about to walk away but he pulled you back to his chest. "I didn't say you can't."
Your whole face lit up, eyebrows rising when you said, "I can?"
"Why don't you try and see?"
You giggled as you wrapped your arms back around his neck and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Mark stayed still, holding your waist firmly because you weren't standing properly on your heels. You pulled away after a few seconds of just pressing your lips on his. The grin on your face was satisfied but also drunk.
"Now what?"
You shook your head. "My Mark is a better kisser," you said before burying your face in his chest and taking a deep breath.
You stayed like that for a few seconds before a stomping sound was heard on the wooden floors and someone pulled you by the shoulder.
"Hmm?" you inquired before a slap landed on your face. Mark quickly wrapped you in his embrace, shielding you from a drunk and angered Tris.
"Slut!" she hissed before attempting to attack you again but Mark pulled you away from her. He shot Tris a cold glare before dragging you out of the house.
The men outside were still drinking in front of the bonfire when Mark carried you out. Owen called him but he was rushing you out of anyone's eyes and ears. Your hands fell limply on your side while Mark was carrying you, the other was stroking your stinging cheek.
"You okay?" he asked with a grunt, heaving you up. You were a little heavier than he expected.
You smiled brightly, eyes half-lidded as sleepiness started to get to you. "Yes! My cheek kind of hurts though."
"Yeah, someone slapped you."
"I know, silly. I saw it," you laughed and Mark sighed in exasperation, stopping for a while to glare at you.
"Stop smiling. That wasn't funny at all."
You shook your head and then pointed to him. "I know. What's funny is you. You have two heads." You started laughing, throwing your head back and kicking your legs and Mark almost lost his balance.
"For fuck's sake, y/n." He knelt and dropped you on the sand, making you land on your butt. You complained, rubbing your ass slowly over your satin dress.
"You're mean," you muttered, laying your head on the nearby rock before closing your eyes. "I hate you."
"You do? Good because I hate you too."
You didn't hear that anymore because you drifted to sleep quickly, your breath steadying. Mark tsked, pocketing his hands as he looked down at you on the sand.
"Get up. Go sleep in your room." But you didn't move and it was stupid to tell you to sleep in your room because he already brought you far from the house, far from everyone; here in the cove that you both know so well. The cove that became your own personal hideout. "Come on."
Mark knelt on the sand and picked you up, patting away the sand on your skin and hair. Then he took off his jacket and placed it on the ground. He laid you there and let your head rest on his lap while he rested his back on the big boulder behind him. He stayed like that, convinced you'd wake up soon enough and you could walk back to the house by yourself.
And you did. You woke up with a mild headache and a stiff neck. It was dark and the only light was coming from Mark's phone's flashlight. You sat up and saw Mark sleeping with his back on the rock. You were confused for a second but memories started flooding back to you, making you shake your head in shame. You stood up, picking up his jacket to cover him with it. Then you started to slowly sneak away.
"Where are you going?" he called, making you stop dead in your tracks.
"Nowhere," you replied, sitting right next to him in an instant. "I was just looking around."
"Good. Don't leave," he ordered with his eyes still closed before leaning his head on your shoulder.
You looked around you and recognized the cove you used to hide in after the beach became Friends Beach. It was a bit further into the sparse woods but it was difficult to find. You remembered stumbling upon this area by accident and it has since become your hideout. It wasn't even an actual cove, just a small open space hidden behind tall trees. The lower part of the cliff had been weathered and continuously struck by the waves, making it look like a small cave. Mark has tried to go there before only to find shallow solid rock curvature, no actual cave.
The first time you had sex with Mark was by this cove. He had been trying his luck with fishing but he never caught a single one so he was sulking on the mat. You comforted him by saying you'd buy him sushi but one thing led to another and you were suddenly making out. Mark had been gentle with you, prepping you for himself and making sure you were comfortable. He kept comforting you the whole time, asking if you were fine and if he should stop. And even when you finally got over the painful part, he maintained his gentleness while keeping you satisfied. Ever since that day, sex with Mark became your favorite thing.
Your rendezvous were mostly innocent, by the cove, at his house, and in a hotel. He tried several times to sneak into your dorm but the security was too tight. That was around the same time you started going to parties with them and more often than not, you'd end up having sex in his car after too much alcohol and dancing. Mark was good with anything and he was especially good with sex.
"Why are we here on a weekend?" you asked as you entered Mark's house.
"Because we don't have anything fun to do," he replied, holding your hand as you climbed the stairs.
Mark's house is huge, situated in the suburban area of the city. His family is wealthy, as you've observed but you only met his mother a handful of times because they are never around much. The moment you found out that he was rich, you started to feel small about yourself. He lives in an entirely different world while you struggle to make ends meet. Your love for him was the only thing keeping you from leaving.
"What about fishing? Have you given up on it?"
Mark shrugged. "I can practice next time. For now, I want to lounge around and just do nothing with you."
You rolled your eyes as you stepped into his room. "There is no way you're just doing nothing with me, Mark."
He grinned as he closed the door, then stepped towards you to kiss you. "I'm glad you know that."
You scoffed before he kissed you, pulling you close so your bodies were touching. Mark guided you to the bed, your lips still locked together. But as soon as he sat you down, someone started knocking on his door. You both pulled away and he whined as he went to open his door.
"Mom," he asked, a bit surprised. "I thought you were leaving today."
"We had to come back for something," she replied, peering into the room where you sat on his bed. She smiled at you so you returned it. "Why don't you help your Dad find some files in the study? It's very important and he's saying he put them on the top shelves. None of us can reach it."
"Sure." He turned to you and smiled. "I'll be right back."
When Mark left, his mother came into the room and sat next to you on the edge of the bed.
"How are you, y/n? Is Mark treating you well?"
"I'm fine, Ma'am. Mark is very kind to me."
"Good. As he should," she chimed, reaching for your hand and holding it in her lap. "Anything planned after college?"
"A few things, but nothing is set yet. I'm still trying to figure things out," you replied politely.
She nodded at that and then sighed. "I want the best for my son, y/n. And I want him to be happy more than anything else. If you can bring out the best in him while also making him happy, I will be grateful to you until the day I die."
You smiled at her, squeezing her hand as a form of gratitude for her entrusting Mark to you. "I'll try my best, ma'am."
"Thank you." She chuckled heartily. "I may be absent now that he's grown, but I spent most of my life raising that boy. I'm sure he won't ever hurt you. Mark never hurts those he loves."
His mother was right. Mark never hurts those he loves. But you weren't Mark. You're cursed to hurt those you love and ruin them beyond repair.
“Congratulations, Dianne!” Nadine sobbed, hugging Dianne on her seat in front of the mirror.
Dianne just laughed, stroking Nadine's arms affectionately. “Thanks, but I'm not even married yet.”
“You might as well be. You look so ready to walk that aisle already.”
You sighed as you stepped out of the bathroom in your bridesmaid dress. “Oh god, Nadine. She just put makeup on. What would you do when she's in her wedding dress already?”
“I would literally drop dead,” Nadine claimed, carefully wiping her tears so she didn't smudge her makeup.
Dianne shook her head as she walked to the dress with the hired stylist. “No, don't drop dead. We're already one bridesmaid short. We can't afford to lose another one on the day of the wedding.”
“One bridesmaid short? Why what happened? Who's missing?” you questioned and everyone in the room looked at you in confusion. You saw that the only one missing was Tris and was about to ask when Amanda explained.
“We kicked the bitch out.”
“Why?”
Dianne scowled at you. “What do you mean why? Don't you remember getting slapped last night or did that take a toll on your memory?”
“Tris slapped me?”
“You don't remember? Did also forget clinging to your ex and calling him your Mark?”
You flattened your lips together in shame. “I remember that bit.” You were actually so preoccupied with Mark that you don't remember anything else from last night except him.
“Good. Tris attacked you because of that.” Nadine was seething. One moment she was crying about Dianne, now she's so angry that her brows are knitted. “She's lucky it didn't leave a bruise because I'd bury her alive.”
“So, she won't be here today?”
“No. Not ever. She already caused too much trouble with her picky attitude during the wedding preparations. She's not even related to me in any way other than the fact that she's Owen's cousin. I won't tolerate her trampling on the people I care about,” Dianne ranted while she was being dressed.
Nadine comforted her. “Forget her, Di. Don't let some wannabe socialite ruin your mood on your big day.”
Dianne took a deep breath and calmed down. “Thanks, Nad. Oh, by the way, where did Mark take you last night? I don't remember you coming back here.”
“Just someplace near here. We fell asleep and woke up at around 3. That's when I came back.”
“Did you hook up with him?” Amanda asked in surprise so you denied it.
“No! God no. We really just slept. I was drunk and it seems like he was too. Mark would never hook up with me, Mandy.”
“How would we know that when you won't even spare us the details of your breakup.”
You huffed and finished fixing your hair. “This is your wedding day, Dianne. Let's not ruin it with useless accounts of the past.”
“She's right. Let's live in the now.” Nadine started sobbing again when Dianne was done dressing up. “Dianne! I'm so happy for you!”
The sky was clear when you stepped out of the House. Three white cars were waiting for you and you each got into your assigned vehicle, wishing Dianne good luck before heading to the church. The entourage was waiting. The entrance and the ceremony began as soon as Dianne's car rolled in. You found Mark in his place and you rushed over to him, noticing how he offered his arm for you to hold on to as you practiced and even sparing you a small smile before looking ahead. After receiving nothing but a cold shoulder all week, this small gesture of acknowledgment sure made you happy.
“I don't hate you,” he had told you the night before while you two were sitting in the dark by the cove. “I'm just upset, that's all.”
You didn't have a reply to that and you were grateful that he didn't ask for any. It did make things less tense between you. You both were even smiling at everyone as you walked down the aisle together before parting to sit where you were assigned to. The ceremony wasn't slow but it wasn't fast either. As soon as Dianne walked in through the huge church doors, all eyes turned to her and few gasps of amazement were heard. As she drew nearer, you saw Owen wipe a few tears and that made your heart swell with emotions. You realized that even though you believed you hated everyone here, you wouldn't have wanted to miss this important day.
Vows were exchanged and they kissed in front of their loved ones to formally announce their marriage. Pictures were taken too and as soon as you went back to the Friends House, the commissioned photographer had you take a whole hour of pictorial by the beach. You had fun with all of them, the laughter and chatter had you feeling like you got transported back to your college days when you were the happiest.
It was past 9pm when Owen and Dianne left for their honeymoon. The party was swell as they had intended and it didn't end even after they were gone. There aren’t that many people now, just a couple of younger ones who can handle partying until late at night. Stan has turned the entire thing into a frat party and was by the wine table downing the makeshift keg he had set up with a few other guys. The girls were still dancing around to the music but you were getting bored and tired after Nadine slipped away with some guy. Amanda was flirting with someone on the newlywed's chair. You thought about going back to your room but you were assuming that it was where Nadine took her hook up so you decided against it. That was when you decided to go to the cove.
It was dark and it was supposed to be scary out there but you didn't think that at all. You had your phone out, using it as a flashlight as you ventured through the trees. You even took your shoes off when it proved difficult to walk in them on the sand. And as you reached the small open space, you let out a sigh of relief. You were just about to sit in your usual spot when you heard the rustle of leaves behind you which put you on high alert. But then the intruder came out and you saw that it was Mark.
“Mark?”
“Hey,” he greeted nonchalantly, walking past you to sit on the sand by the boulder.
You stood there awkwardly until he noticed you and tapped the space beside him as an invitation for you to sit. “Did you come here to just stand there?”
“Did you follow me here?”
“So, what if I did? The space is not exclusive to you, is it?”
You sighed, rolling your eyes before sitting in the space next to him. When you glanced at him, you caught a whiff of alcohol and frowned.
“Are you drunk?”
“Aren't you? It's a party,” he smarted.
Of course, you're not. You even avoided the sight of alcohol after your embarrassing stint last night.
“You don't seem drunk,” you observed so he glanced at you, your faces were about half a foot in distance.
“That's because I'm not,” he smirked. “I had a few bottles. Not enough to have me clinging on my ex.”
“Mark Lee!” You slapped his knee, frowning at him for reminding you of that. Mark just laughed, content to get a rise out of you.
“Seeing me after five years didn't even affect you one bit but you're getting mad about that?” He smirked. “Good. At least I got a reaction out of you.”
“What?”
He huffed and clenched his jaw, looking away in the direction of the sea. You had long turned off your flashlight but the moon was shining high above so your surroundings were still visible. You can even see the slight changes in Mark's expressions, including the pained look on his face that he tried to hide with a frown.
“I'm sorry,” you mumbled, taking your eyes off his face.
“No, you're not.”
“Really, I am,” you insisted. “I realized a long time ago how messed up that was. I shouldn't have done that to you.”
“A long time ago?” he asked so you nodded without looking at him. “Then why didn't you come back?”
“I couldn't, Mark. Not when I already had enough guts to leave.”
“That wasn't fair, y/n.”
You glanced at him and saw that he had been looking at you the whole time. You were hesitating to continue the conversation and deep in your mind, you were wondering how you both ended up talking about this, only to realize you brought it up first. “I know that, Mark. I just...” You gave up trying to explain and just huffed.
“What? You're not even gonna explain yourself? After all these years you'd still shut me out? Don't I deserve to know how I ended up getting hurt when all I ever did was love you?”
You folded your legs together and buried your face in your palms, the surge of emotions coming onto you like a freight train. The pain and guilt that you buried deep in your memory for years is now screaming right at your face as if instead of dying, it grew roots and branches and leaves.
“Why did you do that?”
Yeah, why did you?
You were huffing as you rushed out of the taxi cab and ran straight in the direction of that hell-hole of a house. As soon as you reached the door, you pounded on it nonstop, demanding your aunt to come out and talk to you. It opened soon after, revealing an intoxicated man.
“What are you doing here, you ungrateful bitch?” your uncle spat but you brushed past him into the living room.
Your aunt was laughing in front of the television, a cigarette in her hand and a few bottles of alcohol on the coffee table.
“Did you do it?”
She didn't even look at you. “Do what? Be specific when you're asking questions.”
“My salary from the diner. Did you cash it out?”
She appeared to think. “Oh, the diner? Yeah. Yes, I did. Just a few months’ worth. We're behind on the water bill you see.” She pointed at the stack of mail on top of the cabinet by the doorway.
You grabbed them and saw several pieces of mail from the water provider. You took a deep breath to calm down but your voice still cracked. “Why would you do that?”
“I told you. We needed money for the water.”
“But that was for my tuition.”
“It's okay, I'll pay you back.”
“Aunt, you never pay me back! You always say you do, but you never ever paid me back!” you hollered at her, now straight-up crying.
Your uncle rounded the living room and hit the back of your head. “Keep your voice down in my house!”
You watched as he sat next to your aunt on the couch and took a bottle of beer. You were still crying and they didn't even seem to care one bit.
“Auntie, please,” you pleaded. “An advance of three months? What else would I be getting from that? I need to pay for school. I need to feed myself too!”
For the first time since you arrived, your aunt looked at you with disdain. “And are we supposed to just live without a water supply? What's gonna happen to us? The house is gonna reek!”
“It already reeks even with running water!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, shaking in anger.
“Why are you screaming so early?” your uncle threw a bottle at you that barely missed your head.
You froze with your eyes widened in shock, horrified that you had almost been hit right in the face. Sadness suddenly left you, leaving a burning rage in your heart. You felt like you would convulse as rage rose to your head. Your eyes were bulging and the sight of them looking unconcerned is making your heart explode. You crumpled the pieces of mail in your hand and lunged at the table to flip it over. You grabbed the baseball bat from its fixture on the wall and started hitting the alcohol bottles, breaking them to pieces while your aunt and uncle screamed in terror and bewilderment at your actions. As soon as you had your fill of violence, you stood up in the middle of the living room, huffing contentedly before dropping the bat.
“Y/n! What are you doing? You almost gave me a heart attack!” Your aunt chided and you're now convinced she's too drunk to make sense of what was actually happening.
“You can both drop dead. I don't care.”
You left the house feeling like shit. It reeked so much there that you had to smell yourself to make sure it didn't stick on you. You spat on the ground, disgusted when you think about how you managed to live in that place for a long time. Your eyes were still wet with tears when you noticed the crumpled mail in your hand. You stopped walking to look at it, recognizing the crest of a university you applied to a year ago, at the beginning of your freshman year in college. It was addressed to you and you opened it to read the contents. Your mind focused on the large letters right below the long introductory line and covered your mouth in surprise.
“We are pleased to inform you that your application had been approved!”
You sat on your heels, weeping in utter happiness after what you've just read. You immediately fished out your phone and dialed the number on the letter, afraid to waste another moment, especially after finding out that the letter had been mailed to you over five months ago. You talked to the woman on the phone who seemed delighted to hear from you.
“Yeah, I lost it in my stack of mail because I recently changed my address. I was wondering if the offer still stands?”
“Of course! We only welcome freshmen applicants who passed but for those who received an offer, we are inclined to accept sophomores too.”
You were sure the woman on the other line could hear you crying as you thanked her. She hung up after a polite goodbye and a promise to see you in New York by the start of the fall semester. You wiped your tears and composed yourself as you continued walking. But as soon as you walked out of the house's unkempt picket fence, you saw Mark come out of a corner.
“Babe!” he grinned when he spotted you. “There you are! I was looking for you!”
You felt nervous all of a sudden, wondering why he was there and how he knew you'd be in this part of the city.
“Mark—” You couldn't even finish your speech when the voice of your screaming uncle made you glance back to the house. He was angrily calling your name, waving a baseball bat in the air as he screamed that you're a wicked bitch for making a mess in his house. You grabbed Mark by the hand and pulled him out of there, not stopping until you reached the highway.
“What's going on? Who was that?”
“No one,” you panted, holding onto your knees as you caught your breath. “That's no one.”
“He called you a bitch. What's going on baby? Do you know that man?” He helped you up and lifted your chin so you were looking at him. As soon as he saw your tear-stained face, he pulled you into a tight hug. “Hey? What's wrong? What happened? I'm here, y/n. You can tell me.”
“Nothing, Mark. I'm fine,” you argued, your voice breaking as you tried to pull away from his hug. You hit his arms when he wouldn't let go. “Let me go!”
Mark did as you asked, backing away a few paces to give you space. “Okay. Just tell me what's going on. Is he related to you? Did he hurt you? What are you doing on this side of town? You know there are a lot of thugs around here.”
You took a deep breath and looked right at him. “This is where I live, Mark.”
Mark seemed surprised, but the worry on his face didn't leave as he approached to hold your shoulders again.
“Is that man your dad? Is he hurting you?” He scanned your body for any sign of injury. When he looked at your shoulder, he stopped to gaze into your eyes. “The bruise on your shoulder from before, was that by him?”
“He's not my dad.” You shook his hands off of you. “My parents are dead.”
Mark's mouth hung open. “Why didn't you tell me that?”
You felt upset when he asked that. All of a sudden, you were flooded by the feeling of helplessness and loneliness that you endured ever since your parents passed away when you were 15. You blamed them for leaving you behind and letting your aunt and uncle treat you like shit. You blamed them for leaving you to suffer by yourself. And you blamed them because you were lonely and sad for a long time. Meeting Mark was a good way to forget about the immense sadness. But now, even that has been tainted by the loss of your parents.
“Why? So you'd pity me? So you can keep thinking about it and look at me like how you're doing right now?”
“Babe—”
“Or what? So you can decide if I am qualified to be in your life or not?”
“Baby!” Mark scolded. “I did not say that!”
“Then what is it? Did you want to know so you can see if I can make you happy while bringing out the best in you?” you spat, his mom’s words echoing in your head.
“Hey,” he called lovingly as reached for you again but you dodged. “What are you talking about?”
“I'm done, Mark. It's over.”
Mark sighed and held your hand. “Come on. You're emotional. Let's go get some air. We'll talk after you feel a little better.”
“Where are you taking me, Mark? To your fancy house? To that fancy hotel that you paid for with your dad's money?”
“Baby, please. Don't do this.”
“Or, or are you taking me to that damned cove because I'm so easy and I'd let you fuck me anywhere?”
Mark stopped walking and stared at you dead in the eyes. The look almost made you wake up from your angry stupor but you just scoffed.
“Did I hit a nerve?”
“Y/n, why are you doing this?”
“I'm done, Mark. We're done. So please, leave me alone.”
You walked on the opposite side of the road while Mark chased after you.
“Don't push me away, y/n. Come on! Let's talk about this. You're upset right now. Let's talk when you're a little bit calmer!”
But you paid him no mind and got into the taxi cab that stopped in front of you when you called for it.
Mark never gives up. You know that and you loved that about him. But now that he's not giving up on you, you feel suffocated. He kept blowing your phone so much that you had to block him. He cornered you in your classes that you stopped attending. You even pulled out of the junior librarian job because he was there. It's all good because you're leaving after the semester anyway. You spent the days filling out forms and preparing yourself for New York. Dianne was kind enough to lend you money without asking why and you were able to pay off your advances from the diner before you quit your job there. You promised her you'd pay her but she told you not to worry too much and take your time. Mark had been camping out of the dorms and several times you saw him get kicked out by the dorm lady. You've been cooped up in the building, not leaving to avoid running into him.
You realized after that confrontation with Mark that you were horrible to him. You were mean and cruel and he didn't deserve any of that. You were upset and justifiably so, but Mark shouldn't have been at the receiving end of your rage. Unfortunately, he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. You didn't mean anything you said about him, especially the part where you want to break up. But as you thought about it for days, you realized it was better to break it off with him. You're not planning on coming back here anyway.
Your school announced your departure just before the day you leave. It was great news to be offered a spot in such a prestigious school that your university had to make a big announcement out of it. It was mainly Spencer's idea and the school administration was on board with it. That was how your friends found out that you were leaving. Mark too.
“New York? That's amazing!” Nadine told you while you were at the diner the night before you left.
“I'm friends with a genius. How great is that?” Stan was fake crying as he hugged you. You couldn't help smiling at the support from your friends. But then the bells of the door rang and you turned to see Mark entering the diner.
Stan let go of you and smiled sheepishly. “I hope you don't mind I invited Mark. I mean, I know you broke up and all but hey, he's still your friend, right?”
“You two broke up?” Timmy exclaimed, followed by gasps of surprise from Nadine and Dianne.
“Y/n! Is it true?”
Stan looked surprised. “You guys didn't know? I thought everyone knew.”
“Did Mark tell you that?” Nadine asked.
“Mark?!” your friends turned to him.
“No. I kinda just assumed it. I haven't seen them together for days and y/n haven't hung out with us for a while too so I thought they broke up,” Stan explained.
Dianne started laughing and turned to Owen. “Hey, didn't we have a transaction we need to take care of?”
“Transaction?”
“The books, Owen. For the library. Let's go. We have to take care of it now.” She turned to you and said, “Congratulations, sweetie. Sorry, but we have to go now. Those books are really really important.”
Nadine and Timmy stood up too. “You know what, I think I'll go study for the exams.”
“I thought the exams were over?” Stan questioned and Timmy glowered him knowingly.
“Unlike our smart y/n, I have to retake a few subjects.”
“I'm sleepy as heck,” Nadine added.
You sighed as your friends came up with the lamest excuses to leave but you didn't want to interfere. Maybe it's for the best that you have this final talk with Mark anyway. He deserved that much.
“I guess I'll leave you two alone to talk,”
Stan said, taking his bag and waving goodbye.
Mark sat right next to you, hugging you on your side and burying his face in the crook of your neck. He stayed still like that for a moment and you felt your heart melting into the warmth of his embrace. A part of you is wishing he wouldn't let go and that you can just stay that way forever.
“I love you,” he whispered, just as you started feeling the wetness on your shoulder. Mark's crying. For the first time, you're seeing Mark cry.
You made a move to get him off of you but he tightened his hold.
“Please,” he begged and you swallowed the lump in your throat to stop yourself from crying.
You stayed like that for a while, letting him hug you while you stroke his back affectionately. Eventually, you realized you couldn't stay in that diner all night, so you left and he walked you to your dorm, holding your hand in his tightly, like he was scared to let go. He stopped you from entering the dorm, knowing he wouldn't be allowed inside but you gave him a smile.
“It's okay. The dorm lady said I can bring you inside for my last night on campus.”
It was true. When you surrendered some of the dorm stuff that you needed to return before leaving, the dorm lady congratulated you for making it to NYU. She also told you that you could bring in your heartbroken boyfriend who had been sitting outside the dorm for days now. It will be her way to wish you good luck in New York. Mark saw that it was true when the dorm lady smiled at the two of you by the entrance and warned you not to wake everyone. You were still hand-in-hand even as you entered your now empty dorm room. The only thing intact was the bed and the sheets weren't even yours anymore but the dorm's.
“I'll go wash up. Have a seat,” you told him but he hugged you from behind, refusing to let you out of his sight.
You ended up lying in bed with Mark, looking into each other's eyes as he played with your hair. There was a pain in his eyes that he failed to hide and you were trying not to break down crying in front of him.
“Please tell me this is the reason why you're breaking up with me.”
“No,” you answered truthfully.
“Baby...” he pleaded, forehead creasing as he did. “It's okay. New York is far but we can make it work. I'll come to you from time to time.”
“Mark, it's not that.”
“Then what is it?” he demanded. “I love you, y/n. I loved you so much. I have loved you for an entire year and each day I spent loving you, I saw no reason to stop.”
“I know that. I love you too.”
Mark's face lit up. “You do?”
“I do. More than anything.”
Mark kissed you right then, pulling you into his embrace so you were flush against his body. You kissed him back, realizing at the time just how much you missed him. Your kisses got deeper and noisier, getting into your heads as he rolled over to cage you underneath him. He pulled away for a few seconds, looking into your eyes and seeing nothing but your love for him.
“I love you, y/n.”
“I love you, Mark.”
And so, your last night in the university, in the city, ended with Mark inside you, raw, steady, sensual, and gentle with the right amount of aggression. Just like how you would remember him to be for the next few years.
“I have to leave, Mark,” you told him outside the airport. He drove you from your city to next where the airport was, holding your hand and humming happily to the song. Mark woke up feeling great today, unaware of the truth that you're keeping from him. You know it was cruel, you know you'd break him to pieces, but your selfishness won't let you leave without seeing him for the last time. Even in your final few seconds here, you wanted to be with Mark.
“I know. But you'll come back. I can wait,” he chimed, kissing the back of your hand. You were in his car, parked outside the airport and he had been showering you with his love and innocent little kisses the whole time.
“No,” you croaked, eyes stinging when tears threatened to fall from them. “I'm not coming back.”
Mark frowned, chuckling. “What do you mean? Why not?”
“There's nothing for me to come back to,” you confessed, swallowing your tears to put on the cruel persona that you've prepared.
“Baby, I'm here. What do you mean there's nothing to come back to?”
You just shook your head and he stared at you for a while to see if you were lying. You didn't back down.
“Not even me?” he finally asked so you looked away, one hand ready to open the door on your side.
“Not even you.”
When your plane left that day, you also left everything behind. Your friends, your past, the things that you don't need, and the ones that you need. You left the one you needed the most, the boy you loved and never stopped loving until now, the most beautiful boy you've ever known. Your Mark Lee.
“I loved you, you know. I was down from the start, even when you haven’t told me anything about you,” Mark began, eyes shifting back to the sea. “I would have loved you for whoever you are. I showed you who I am. All of it, even the ones that I considered were bad, you loved me for them. I would have done the same.”
“That's easy for you to say, Mark.”
“And I would have proven it!” he roared, glowering at you for a moment before looking away again. “You didn't give me the chance, y/n.”
“I'm sorry. I was scared.”
“I understand that. But I welcomed you into my life. I made you an important part of my world,” he paused and looked at you with a mixture of hatred and pain on his face. “You made me a fantasy you dive into when you want to escape your misery, y/n. I understand why you'd do that, but you shut me out when all I ever did was love you, support you, and be there for you! None of it would have mattered. I would've supported you when you left! I would’ve gone to you once you decide to never come back I would've fought those assholes for you!”
“I didn't need you to do that, Mark. I just needed you to be you. I wouldn't have asked for any of that.”
“Fine. I get it,” he grunted. “You didn't trust me enough to share your struggles with me. But if I had known about it, if I had known you left because of it, I wouldn't have spent all these years hating you when I loved you so much.”
You stared at him, processing his words in your head. It felt like your mind was firing up with all the information you were getting. But your eyes found his lips and you couldn't even think to stop yourself before you pulled his collar and kissed him. He kissed you right back, aggressively, torridly, biting and sucking without mercy. When you pulled away, overwhelmed by his aggression, he smirked at you.
“You haven't changed at all, have you? Do you still like grabbing people by the collar?” he asked, obviously not looking for an answer when he kissed you again, lifting you to sit across his lap while he unzipped the back of your dress.
You let his hand wander, even arching your back when his lips traveled to your chest. He sucked your skin, bruising it and leaving marks all over you while you moan and grind on his hips.
“Oh, Mark!” you whimpered, grinding faster and harder against his clothed cock. Mark hitched your dress up, pulling your underwear down and thumbing your clit.
“That's right, baby. Call my name,” he smirked. “Call my name. I bet you missed that, huh? Or did you meet another Mark back there?”
You moved to unbuckle his belt but he stopped you, gently slapping your hand away and chuckling. He took off his coat and placed it on the sand before laying you down there. When his weight left you, you called for him, making him grin cockily as he stripped you off of your underwear. You watched as he unbuttoned his pants and let it fall to his knees.
“Turn around.”
“What?”
“Turn around, on your hands and knees.”
You felt humiliated being ordered around like that, but that didn't get in your head and instead, turned you on. There was something about Mark right now that is unfamiliar to you. Has he changed over the years? It doesn't matter, you were too lost in your lust to think about it and just want him inside of you.
A scream tore out of you when he suddenly pushed his cock in, roughly, without warning. He covered your mouth while you winced in pain, feeling like you had been brought back to the first time you ever had sex, which was with Mark as well.
“Does it hurt?” he asked in your ear, his voice mean and menacing. “Good. You probably deserved it.”
He started bucking his hips, thrusting violently into you. You should be angry, but you're only crying in so much pleasure, eyes rolling to the back of your head when he grabbed a fistful of your hair. He slapped your ass cheek once, and then twice, and several times again because each time he did you let out the lewdest, naughtiest moan he's ever heard. You were dirty because of lust, because of Mark. And you didn't mind, you liked it. You liked how he ravaged your skin with bruises caused by his intense kisses. You liked how your ass is stinging with each spank. You liked how he's drilling into you and thrusting hard like there's no tomorrow. You liked the disrespect and the bouts of pleasure that it sent through your entire body.
“Cum, baby. Don't be shy, let it go,” he ridiculed when your cries turned into faint whimpers. “I said do it!”
He thrusted roughly into you and that sent you into a spiraling orgasm that had you collapsing on weakened limbs. Mark stopped, letting you fall limp on his coat before gently turning your body so you were lying on your back. He wiped the sweat on your forehead and tucked away the hair that gathered on your face. Then he planted one tender kiss on your forehead.
“I'm sorry,” he said softly, laying his head on your chest. “Was it too much?”
“Why? You can't handle it?” you challenged so Mark lifted his head. He looked at you with a deadpan expression.
“How are you still atrocious with your words?”
“How are you still obsessed with my body?” you retorted and Mark shrugged.
“To be fair, it's an immaculate body.”
“And your dick is still hard,” you pointed out. Mark smirked at you and positioned himself on top of you.
“So I can fuck you into oblivion but you'd still have enough audacity to get smart with me?”
You just giggled while Mark leaned to kiss you. He prodded your entrance again, taking a few test penetrations before doing it fully as if he hadn't already left you wet and overly lubricated with your own juices. Mark fucked you again, this time in a way that's more like Mark, like how you remembered it to be. When he started losing strength in his arms and his movement became erratic, you knew he was close so you wrapped your legs around his torso, telling him to keep going. Mark went faster and harder until he pushed his very last thrust and came inside of you. You bit your lip, satisfied by the sex and even more so by the look on his face. You missed this man so much and you also missed how you can reduce him into such a mess with just your body.
“If I get you pregnant, that's on you,” he quipped, laying on top of you. You giggled, wrapping your arms around him. “I guess that's fine too because you'll have to marry me. I don't want my child to grow up with a broken family.”
“Well first, how do you know I'd keep it?”
“I don't, but assuming you would, I won't let him grow up without me.”
“And second, that's not gonna happen because I take birth control religiously.”
He lifted his head and frowned at you. “Do you sleep around in New York?”
You scoffed at the intrusive question and he shook his head briskly and pressed his cheek on your chest again.
“No, never mind. Don't tell me. You could have had a hundred boyfriends there, I don't care. You're here right now, so that's all that matters.”
You pushed him off of you but he wouldn't budge. “For the record, you were so obsessed with me before that I had to regularly take birth control pills. It just became a habit. I haven't been sleeping around, unlike someone I know.”
“Are you accusing me?”
“If the shoe fits.”
Mark just laughed as he stood up to put his pants back on. He then helped you up and gave you your underwear that he had kept out of the sand by placing it safely on the rock. He also helped you zip your dress back up before nuzzling on your neck.
“You smell different.”
“Perfume.”
“Yeah. I like it.”
“You like this perfume?”
“No. I like whatever you wear as long as it's your skin.”
You scoffed and pushed Mark away. “Hey, aren't you supposed to be mad at me right now?”
He shook his head and pulled you back into his embrace. “I don't care about any of that now.”
“Ah, so sex solves everything?”
“Of course not. But I do know you wouldn't have sex with me if you didn't still have feelings for me.”
“Presumptuous.”
“Was I wrong? As far as I know, you hate casual hookups.”
“That was before. How do you know I never hooked up in the last few years?”
“I do know you never dated anyone after me,” he grinned confidently and you were dumbfounded. “Why was that?”
You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “Stanley needs to zip his mouth, seriously.”
You huffed, leaning on his chest and letting him inhale more of your scent.
“I'm sorry, baby,” he cooed after a few minutes just quietly cuddling. “I'm sorry that I wasn't the safe haven you needed me to be.”
“No, I am sorry for hurting you. You didn't deserve that. You've been nothing but good to me. And somewhere along the way, you were too good for me and I tend to ruin everything that is good.”
Mark buried his face on your neck again.
“I kept thinking about you, you know. That's why I never really moved on. I kept thinking that maybe if I opened up to you it wouldn't be hard to give this city a chance. Maybe if I let you in, we could be happy even when I'm away. Maybe if I trusted you to accept me for who I am, I wouldn't be so miserable.”
“What if we try again?”
“Mark, I can't possibly put you through that again,” you complained, turning to face him but he captured your lips, shutting you up until you were weak and vulnerable underneath him again.
Your stay was extended and during that, you let Mark reel you in, showering you with the love he wished he had given you during those missed times. Your days were filled with reminiscing and reliving your youth by revisiting the old places you used to go to and doing the things you used to love doing with him. It was fun and you found yourself wishing time would stop for the two of you. Sometimes you think about not leaving, but you know there is no life for you here. Your love for Mark may be a valid reason to stay, but love alone is not enough to be content with your life. You have already established yourself in New York and that's where you are content with your life. The happiness part is still a work in progress, but you've achieved a lot so far and you can't risk all of that for love alone.
On your last day in the city, a lawyer came looking for you in your hotel room and told you about an inheritance. The visit prompted you to visit your old house, now abandoned after your uncle went to jail and your aunt died of lung cancer caused by secondhand smoking a few years ago. You were told that it is yours now, given that you were her only living relative and your uncle doesn't qualify because they were never married. You have a choice to keep it or sell it. You decided to sell it, not even hesitating. You never had fond memories there anyway.
“Wow, how long has this place been abandoned?” Mark asked as he followed you inside. The place was clean and you assumed they had it cleaned out after your aunt died. You've been told she died in the hospital but she also had a bad case of hoarding junk and the house was a complete mess before authorities were called in. Despite the neat appearance, cobwebs covered the ceilings and dust sat on every piece of furniture, a sign that no one had lived there for a long time.
“Long enough,” you replied, walking towards your bedroom. Even that was cleaned up. Nothing else remained except for a few pieces of furniture that had always been there. You didn't waste time reminiscing or looking around because you knew there was nothing to find there. You took everything important to you when you left so there really is nothing else to take.
Except maybe for the picture on the wall. One that is of your mother and your aunt. They look so much like each other with just a few distinguishing pictures. You took it from the wall and dusted it, tucking it on your side before turning to Mark. You gave him a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes.
“Let's go?”
“Let's go,” he nodded, offering his hand for you to hold on to.
You thought you would have a breakdown in there once you remember everything that pained you and everything that ruined your girlhood. You thought you'd fall back into the abyss of misery, but you didn't. You didn't even feel anything at all other than a slight tug when you saw your mother's picture. The house will be sold and you will never need to go back there again. Ever.
“Time to go,” Mark smiled at you after he dropped you off at the airport.
“It's been fun, Mark,” you told him, smiling bitterly at the thought of leaving your love behind. Again.
Mark laughed derisively as if trying to deny the situation. “No. Not again, y/n. I thought we're gonna work this out?”
“I've made a life for myself there, Mark. There's nothing for me here.”
“Me? I am here.”
You sighed, reaching to touch his cheek. “If I could, I'd take you with me anywhere. I want you as much as I want the life I've been dreaming of. But I've made big leaps, Mark. I can't jump back down.”
“I understand. But would you think about it? You don't have to live here. We can make this work, you know. I can go to you.”
“It won't make me feel any better to know that you're sacrificing your own life for me,” you sighed.
“I'm not. I'm making my own choices.”
You just smiled and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. “I love you.”
“I'll call you.”
“Sure. You can do that.”
He scooped you up in a hug and kissed you before you went to board your plane.
Two weeks in, you met Nadine for brunch in New York. She had been complaining about losing you to Mark so she travelled just to see you.
“So, you're like, LDR?”
“The LD part, yes. But we're not really in a relationship. He wants to, but I kept discouraging it.”
“Why?”
You gave her a stern gaze. “Because we're grown adults now, Nadine. We can't casually date around anymore.”
“Of course we can. But you won't because you're thinking of dating with the prospect of marriage.”
“No, I'm not.”
“Not explicitly, but you're doing it subconsciously,” she argued, pointing to her temple. “I can hear it in your tone.”
“Since when were you an expert on my tone?” you ridiculed, shaking your head.
“Since college? You never really changed that much, hun.”
You shook your head again, giving up on the argument and eating your food. Nadine checked her phone for a second and pointed out the date.
“Today's the 17th. Mark should be here by now,” she quipped, showing you her screen.
“In New York? Why?” you questioned, curious.
“Yeah. The last time we talked, he said he'd fly back on the 15th. Why do you think I chose now to come? So we could all meet up.”
“I'm sorry, fly back? Why would he be flying back?”
Nadine looked at you in surprise. “You don't know? He never told you?”
“No. He never told me anything about coming here.”
Nadine dropped his fork and covered her mouth in surprise. “Oh my god, I wonder why he didn't? He's been living here since last year. He got a job in an art museum.”
“He did what?”
Nadine sighed and shook her head disapprovingly. “For someone who's big on career and aspirations, you seem to not care about Mark's at all.”
“Hey, I do. We just don't talk about that stuff,” you defended, taking your phone out to see if he ever mentioned coming to New York.
Indeed, you don't talk about careers, mainly because you were reluctant to tell him you were doing so well as a professor and you didn't want to hear he has a good, stable job back home. Hearing that would make you feel even more upset about the fact that he can't leave that city and you can't go back either. So you avoided it. But why wouldn't he even mention that he's literally in the same state as you are when he knows it's a big deal for you?
Nadine told you where Mark worked and what his job was, then you headed there right after brunch. You realized it wasn't even that far and you're not just in the same state but in the same city! Just a couple blocks from your workplace was the museum where Mark worked as an art curator. And ever since last year, you have visited that museum more than a dozen times as a field study with some students. You walked in there, looking around the familiar building. When you spotted a lady who looked like a staff, you approached her to ask.
“Hi. I'm looking for Mark Lee. He's an art curator here, I believe,” you began and she gave you a kind look of discouragement.
“I'm sorry, but it won't be possible to meet an executive staff without an appointment. May I know what this is for? Maybe I can arrange something.”
You took out your ID and showed it to her. “I'm an Art professor. I just have a few things to discuss with him.”
“Oh, Miss y/n! I know you,” she smiled at you. “You're from NYU. If you would just follow me through here, I'll show you to his office.”
You thanked her and followed her into the elevator that brought you up several floors up the building.
“Mr. Lee is fairly new here but he's done a pretty good job so far. Everyone's just amazed at his efficiency and his knowledge of Art History,” she told you as you walked through a corridor and a few offices before she stopped in front of one door with Mark's name on it.
“Mr. Lee is right here, in this office.”
The staff knocked and called out to him. When you heard Mark's voice from inside, you felt your heart jump nervously in your chest.
“Go ahead.”
You walked through the door and found Mark buried in some papers. When he looked up, his eyes widened in recognition of you and he immediately stood up to approach you.
"Hi!" he blurted, amazement evident on his face.
“Hey,” you greeted shyly, looking around his office. He pulled you into a tight hug and whispered how much he missed you several times.
“What are you doing in my workplace?” You couldn't help but smile at the sudden surge of nostalgia.
“Stalking you?”
He seemed to remember the same thing because he laughed. “Are you a regular here?”
“Yes but, I actually came to stalk you.”
“You're a really pretty stalker.”
Mark halted his work, calling for a break before he took you to a sandwich place across the street. Then you sat on a bench in front of a fountain that was also right in front of his workplace. He told you he was swamped with work as soon as he came back and he'd been meaning to surprise you if you hadn't surprised him first. He also said he knew you were a regular and that you always came from time to time to tour your students. But at the time, he was still pretty mad at you, so he just sneaked peeks at you.
“Like a stalker?” you quipped, making him laugh just as he was trying to drink.
“No, not in a creepy stalkerish way. But yeah, I guess.”
You smiled absent-mindedly, watching him eat through his sandwich like he had been starved. It was an adorable sight and the emotions filling your heart were satisfying and beautiful.
He soon noticed you gawking. “Oh, sorry. I skipped breakfast.”
“Why are you curating art?” you asked instead of responding to his apology.
“What do you mean? It's my job.”
“You're the art.”
Mark burst out laughing again for a good minute, hitting his thigh several times while you wore a smug smile, proud to have made him laugh so much.
“Sorry,” he blurted but then he started laughing again. “Gosh, y/n. You're a really bad flirt.”
“But I'm a good comedienne,” you boasted before taking a bite from your sandwich.
Mark started laughing again and you happily watched, looking out at the sky. The two of you sat on that bench, hand in hand, eating an amazing New York sandwich. Together, somewhere far from your old city, somewhere you can both be happy.
“Oh, god, I love you,” he blurted as soon as he recovered from too much laughing.
“Say that again.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
“I love you.”
You giggled. “One more time.”
“I love you.”
“That's nice. Again.”
“Alright. Now you're just messing with me!”
“Say it, Mark Lee!”
“I love you!”
[Fin]
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