#i wish with every fiber of my being that i could love the skin i'm in
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softgothbabe · 2 days ago
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anonymityisfunwriter · 6 months ago
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we’re still friends
pairing: bucky barnes x reader summary: you're still friends. it's wonderful. it's mature. and though you've changed in your endeavors, you still have plenty in common, like that you're both still hopelessly, irrevocably in love with each other. based on this song - we're still friends - amy winehouse
a.n. - back to listening to amy winehouse records in between listening to TTPD. hope you guys enjoy! 💛
Bucky Barnes Masterlist | AnonymityIsFun's SongFics
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you weren't sure what you were expecting.
you thought knowing he would be here would make it easier. it's why you thanked sam for the heads up. you knew he would be here. you had weeks to ready yourself for this moment.
still, nothing could prepare you seeing him for the first time since that quiet separation.
friends.
you were friends, you reminded yourself.
it’s wonderful.
it’s mature.
you’re friends.
friends that have explored every inch of each other. friends that have bared their souls to each other, that know their deepest, darkest, most intimate secrets.
yes, you were friends, but you knew in every fiber of your being that it shouldn't be this hard to see a friend. it shouldn't hurt this much to see your friend walk through the door without you by his side.
"hello… friend."
he gives a shy smile with a hesitant wave. there's a staleness in the air. a tension that makes you so viscerally aware of each and every move you make. each move is strained, rigid, forced like you're moving against tar. “how have you been?”
"good."
"good." bucky offers another half smile. it's impossible for him not to notice everything about you. it's only been a few months. time could only change a person so much. and you hadn't changed. not a bit. it's only because he notices everything about you that he realizes he still hasn't introduced the woman standing beside him when your eyes shift to just over his shoulder. he clears his throat, "oh, sorry, um, this is my friend."
"that's - it's wonderful." it doesn't take more than a split second to know that she's not just a friend. still, because you are just friends with him, you stick out a hand to her, "it's nice to meet you."
she smiles at you, a warm, genuine smile. for some reason, it only makes it hurt more. she looks at you, genuine curiosity shimmering in her eyes, "and you are?"
"um, we're - we're old friends." you're not sure what he's told her. you'd lost your old title. you were just friends now. you jut your thumb in the opposite direction. "it was nice to meet you, but i should go find sam. wish him a happy birthday."
his first clue should be the fact that he almost immediately goes after you. he barely tosses an explanation over his shoulder to his date to go after you. it's instinctive. it's natural. it's what feels right to him.
bucky catches up to you a quick moment later. he reaches for your arm, barely making contact with your skin before he remembers he lost that privilege some time ago. you turn around with a distant, tired expression. "hey, she is - she really is just a friend."
a huff of laughter leaves your lips, "you've been using that word a lot tonight."
"look, i'm sorry, i didn't know what to say," bucky stammers out. "the last time we spoke -"
"it's alright. really. that's what we are now. i mean, we are still friends, right?” that's what he said the last time you two spoke. you parted amicably. that was the story you purported. you and bucky were friends now. there's a long beat of silence. you've picked up the habit of chewing on the inside of your cheek again, bucky notices. “right?”
yes, you were friends. friends that were still hopelessly, desperately in love with each other. but at least you're still friends. at least he still had a place in your life.
he clears his throat, shakily nodding, "yeah, of course. we're friends."
you nod once, offering nothing more than a tight smile before you take off again.
"that looked... intense," sam interrupts as you walk away.
"just a friendly conversation. between friends." the word escapes bucky's lips like he's spitting out a mouthful of venom. friends. just friends.
sam quirks an eyebrow. "you're friends, really?"
bucky's eyebrows pull together as he defensively replies, "of course we are. we were friends before everything. we can be friends after too."
sam crosses his arms over his chest with a small shrug. "i still don't understand why there is an after."
"it just - it got complicated," bucky replies with a shaky sigh. "we called it before things got ugly, before we couldn't stand to be in the same room together, before we stopped -"
"loving each other?" sam finishes the sentence for bucky.
"sam." it's a short, clipped warning that falls from bucky's lips without a second thought. this wasn't up for discussion. that night was not one he was keen on reliving more than he already did.
"i'm just saying," sam raises his hands in defeat. "you stopped fighting before you even had to."
"it wasn't like that," bucky insists, still watching the doorway you left through.
"so what was it like?" sam wonders. "the right person, wrong time?"
"something like that."
"and now you're pretending to be friends."
"we are friends," bucky doubles down. "we've always been friends."
sam quirks an eyebrow. "and how exactly are you friends?"
“what do you mean?"
"you two don't hang out anymore. you don't laugh together anymore. you don't have anything in common."
"we have plenty of things in common.” like the fact that you’re both still in love with each other.
sam grips bucky's shoulder, offering a comforting, grounding squeeze, "all i'm saying, you were so worried about losing her. but take a look, buck, you lost her anyway."
there isn't anything that bucky can say to that. not as he ambles back to his date. sam's words hit him like a ton of bricks. isn't that exactly what he was worried about? losing you. and isn't that exactly what happened? friends to lovers. lovers to strangers. strangers masquerading as friends.
there's a longing look on his date's face that he's sure wasn't there just a moment ago.
bucky gives his date a sheepish, apologetic smile, "sorry, i had to-"
his date looks over bucky's shoulder to find you finally talking to sam. a wistful smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. "that's her, isn't it?"
"huh?"
"the reason why we'll only ever be friends. it's her, right?"
for the second time tonight, bucky is rendered speechless. his mouth gapes for a moment, debating the merit of lying. it's not worth it. by the looks of it, his date has seen right though him. "yeah, that's her."
she juts her chin towards you. "you should go after her."
bucky quirks an eyebrow. "i should?"
"you should," she agrees. "i understand. and to be honest, you just reminded me that i deserve to have someone look at me the way you look at her."
"you do deserve that, but no, we, uh, we didn't work out. we're just friends now," bucky states, more as a reminder to himself than to inform his date.
she softly snorts, rolling his eyes, "i know i'm the stranger here, but i don't think you'll ever be just friends with her."
"i'm sorry."
she waves him off. "i'll be fine, but it looks like she's leaving, you should go."
it was the kick in the ass he needed and the second one he'd gotten tonight. bucky nods, "thank you."
the door slams shut behind you as you step into the nighttime air. your lungs painfully expand then clench as you take your first real breath of the night. something about watching the person you thought you'd have a lifetime with stand with another woman was just too painful.
it didn't matter what you promised him all those months ago. sure, you'd pretend. you'd keep up the facade. but you knew down to the depths of your bones that you couldn't be friends with someone you still loved with your entire heart.
"hey!" bucky calls after you.
you jolt at the sound of his voice, schooling your face into a soft smile as you whip around to face him. "what are you doing out here?"
"funny, i was about to ask you the same thing," he half heartedly chuckles, stopping less than a foot away from you. just out of reach. the corner of your mouth twitches up in the most sincere smile you can muster in this moment. it only makes his heart ache even more. "i'm really sorry about tonight."
"it's fine. we're friends, right?" your words are so stilted that you're not even fooling yourself anymore. there's a long, drawn out silence. the silence is your answer. you weren't friends. you couldn't even pretend. it was too soon. perhaps it would always be too soon. maybe you would always love him. but you and bucky would never be just friends. "we can't be friends, can we?"
he takes a long step forward. the familiar smell of your perfume wraps around him like a warm blanket on a blistery day. he looks at you and he can't even remember why he thought you could ever be friends. it doesn't make an ounce of sense to him anymore.
his hand twitches with the urge to touch you, to feel you once more.
how could he be so foolish?
how could you be friends when the taste of you still lingered on his lips? when he could still feel your warmth on your side of his cold bed? when his heart still called out to you with each rising morning and setting sun?
he finally caves to his most base, most desperate desire to simply touch you again. his thumb drags over your bottom lip. "no, we can't."
Bucky Barnes Masterlist AnonymityIsFun Masterlist
As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛
Taglist: @marianita195 @meli18gonzalez @ludicbouquetfromearth @matchat3a @famousbreadcherryblossomsstuff @valoraxx @blue786sworld @buckyandgeraltsupremacy @geminigengar @ansaturn @ecolle @lexhalstead3 @ybflkmj @mediocre-daydreams @shanye1112 @thegirlnextdoorssister @toomanyfanficsbruh @moonlightreader649 @breathtaking-cynthia @mirikusashes@beans-and-toast @niyahcoca @katiechikin @elxvrr @antiheroxsblog @infamouslyclumsy @krissydclayton93 @buckysbarne @deadheadwbedhead @qualitygiantshoepsychic @whitexwolfxx310 @getosprettyboy @matchat3a @weallhaveadestiny @mostlymarvelgirl @honeydew3064 @michealharrypotter @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @withyoutilltheendoftheline @the-photo-hoe @rae-nna @sarachabeans1@double-shot-of-tequila @spookyparadisesheep @lunaalovesyouu @daisy-loves-bucky @roseproseposts @theoraekenslover @king814318 @maybesomedaytho @carlie-babes99 @sunshinechikin @as-white-as-snow-love @melala1030 @badasswlthafatass @armystay89 @multiversefanfics @cherrysscinema @breathlesspieceofdeath @ravenn-darkholme
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heyhelloitsmilo · 27 days ago
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Audiobooks
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jason todd x gn! reader
891 words
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⚠️ warnings: milo standard fluff
💛 pairings: Jason Todd x gn!Reader
💫 summary: jason todd recites to you pride and prejudice and then you call him a nerd
💬 extra notes: its gettin real cold here and my heater went out oops
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You never thought you’d find yourself like this. It wasn't bad, you weren't complaining, to be clear. This was just so… so… domestic? And soft?
Jason’s arms encircled your waist, his body curled around your own. Tight muscles relaxed in your presence, nose buried in the crook of your neck. White-streaked hair tangled in your fingertips. Warm breath tickled the side of your neck, scarred hands slipped under your shirt to find purchase on your side or back. Jane Austen’s Pride And Prejudice played as an audiobook in the background.
The second Robin. Red Hood himself. In your bed. Holding you close like his life depended on it. It might as well have, you were the only thing keeping him sane most days, especially days like these. The hours and days tended to blur together. His thigh shifted to pull you close, resting on your hip, his bare leg on your body.
You had your arms around Jason’s neck, back arched as he held you close, your chest to his. Even if the circumstances the two of you had faced to meet weren't the best, you would still do it all over again for moments like these. Jason was such a wonderful man. Strong sense of justice, often a bit brutal, but soft at heart. He loved every fiber of your being, and even if he didn't say that often, he’d sure as hell show it. Quality time date nights, making your favorite food for dinner, finding out all of your typical orders at restaurants or cafes, smothering you in kisses as soon as he got home.
Jason pressed a few chaste kisses to your neck, scarred lips gentle on your skin. He chased them with curt nibbles, fingers rubbing circles into the skin of your back.
“You're so warm.”
He muttered, the duvet swaddling the both of you in soft fabric. But you were also just generally nice to hug.
“I'm gonna make tea later. Do you want some?”
You nodded, feeling drowsy from all the relaxation. Didn’t matter that you’d probably fall asleep within the next few minutes, it made you feel so wanted and loved.
Jason smiled against your skin, his expressions hidden from your eyes. Nights like these, he never wanted to let you go. He’d hold you forever, given the option. Fingers trailed up and down your back, tracing every curve, every dip, every bump of your spine. Gentle touches reinforced the mental map of your body, planes of skin beneath his palms.
For a few hours, he could be normal. Here, in your arms, in your apartment, he didn't have to worry or be angry or upset. It was just you and him.
“My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you:”
You felt Jason take in a breath, this quote meant more to him than he let on. So much so, he’d memorized it.
“You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”
You smiled, tracing gentle little hearts onto Jason’s scarred back, a silent acknowledgement. Fingertips glided along your boyfriend's textured back, dips and bumps and ridges underneath the pads of your fingers. Gods, you loved him. To whatever deity was out there, you prayed that this would never end.
“...Fucking nerd."
You muttered, voice muffled in Jason’s shoulder. A rumble of a chuckle bubbled up from Jason’s throat, calloused hands rubbing gently at your back. He didn't deny it, though. Only nibbled at your skin, tongue playfully darting out to leave a little lick. You shivered, recoiling at the feeling of saliva on your neck.
“Ew.”
Jason chuckled, licking a line up your neck.
“Ew!”
Disgusted grumbles left your mouth, trying to roll away from Jason, only for him to tighten his hold on you.
“You’re not gettin’ away from my love, sweetheart.”
You sighed, falling limp in his arms, your body a dead weight as he manhandled you back over to him.
"Yeah, accept your fate."
Jason grinned, turning you onto your back, leaning in, and planting a raspberry on your collarbone. You squeaked, wriggling in Jason's grasp. He nipped and nibbled at your neck and the tender area just under your jaw, his hands tracing the dips in your body.
And then he licked your cheek.
"EuuAuCk!"
An inhuman noise left your lips, your head recoiling as far as humanly possible into the pillows. You curled in on yourself, rubbing the saliva off with the collar of your shirt.
Something akin to a giggle left Jason's lips, his blue eyes flicking up to meet yours.
Eugh. Blue-eyed stare.
Piercing blue eyes aside, Jason simply resorted to lying down on top of you with no regard for your breathing. All things considered, he was a nice weighted blanket. You simply sighed, the calm voice of the audiobook coming back into focus. Not enough in focus to perceive whatever they were saying, however.
Again, here you were, all cuddled up and cozy with Jason wrapped around you. Your hand combed through his shaggy hair, gently scratching at his scalp.
"I love you."
You murmured, lips moving against your partner's temple.
"I love you, too."
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whheeeeee
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joeys-babe · 11 months ago
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Joey B Imagines: Nonsense*
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Summary: A coupon book you give Joe for Christmas as a joke turns into you doing something completely out of your comfort zone.
Warnings: Smut
Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader
Imagine universe: Everlasting Love
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December 29, 2023
(y/n’s pov)
Sitting in bed, bored.
Seems like all I've been doing since I got back to Athens.
I missed Joe with every fiber of my being. I would give so much just to be able to reach out and touch his soft skin, his blonde locks, and feel the warmth his body emitted.
It was later in the night, ten o'clock.
Joe was probably asleep already, but he hadn't texted me yet saying goodnight.
Maybe he just got busy, I thought.
My thoughts started wandering. I was getting nervous about why Joe hadn't texted me all evening.
Almost as if he could read my mind before I got too worried, Joe texted me.
Hey, baby. You're prob asleep but I'm sorry I'm just getting to you now. I was over at Sam’s and my phone died. He was being a dick and wouldn't let me use his charger for some reason.
Anyways, goodnight, I love you.
I laughed slightly at his text, able to picture Sam arguing with Joe because he didn't want him using his charger.
I'm awake actually. Sam’s stupid btw, and I love you too.
Watching the bubbles pop up quickly, it was just a few seconds later when Joe texted back.
Since you're awake, wanna ft?
Sure!
Seconds later Joe’s name showed up on my screen and I immediately accepted the call.
I was met with Joe’s smiling face when the call connected. He was lying in bed shirtless, curls slightly wet while leaning against the headboard.
“Hi, baby.” - Joe grinned
Immediately, I recognized how deep his voice was. His voice generally dropped an octave when he was tired or aroused, and right now, I had a feeling it could be both.
“Hi, Joey. What are you up to?” - you
“Lying here in bed, thinking about you and how much I want you in this bed.” - Joe
After giggling at his admission, Joe continued.
“I was just thinking about your week here, and then I started thinking about sex… and that coupon book you gave me.” - Joe groaned
“You are insatiable, Joe.” - you giggled
“Fuck… I want you so bad right now.” - Joe
“Well, you're two hours away.” - you
“I swear, I'm always the horniest when you're away. It's like my dick’s betraying me.” - Joe
I absolutely snorted, laughing at his confession.
“I’m sorry it's like that and that I can't do anything to help you, baby.” - you
“Not your fault. I just can't stop thinking about you… and being inside of you.” - Joe
“If it makes you feel any better… I think about you all the time. Wish I could suck you off through Facetime.” - you giggled
“Shit, don't say that.” - Joe
“Why not?” - you grinned
“I’m getting super fucking hard right now. I'm just trynna wait for my hard-on to go away, but that's not possible if you keep saying things that make my dick twitch.” - Joe
“Boy, you're feeling very blunt tonight.” - you laughed
“Sorry… I know I get whiney when I'm horny. If I get too annoying just hang up.” - Joe
“You’re not being annoying. Not wrong about the whiney part, though. Like I said, if I could help you I would.” - you
Joe sat for a second, looking like he was deep in thought.
Out of nowhere, he got that ‘lightbulb!’ Look on his face and sat up on the bed with a grin.
“What if there was a way you could?” - Joe
“What are you saying?” - you
“Can I cash in a coupon virtually?” - Joe
I thought for a second. I mean, I didn't want to make him wait to use them just when I was in Cincinnati.
“Yeah, I guess.” - you
“Fuck yeah!” - Joe
Giggling at Joe as he fist-punched the air and did a little dance, I waited to see which one he wanted to use.
“Remember you can only use one a day.” - you
“Oh, I know. I only need one.” - Joe
“Which one do you want to cash in, baby?” - you
Joe flicked through the little booklet, trying to find the one he wanted.
“Ooo! I quote… extra sexy lap dance.” - Joe
I gave him a “what?” look but he only grinned devilishly. His tongue poked out as he bit down on it.
“Joe, how am I gonna give you a lap dance when you're two hours away?” - you laughed
“Just do it right here, on call.” - Joe
A few seconds of silence passed, his cheeky smile oddly convincing.
“Okay.” - you
“Yes!” - Joe yelled
“I’ll be right back, I have to change and grab my speaker.” - you
——
I turned my camera back on once everything was set up. I already had a routine planned for a song and everything, but doing this over the phone would be so different.
Having to essentially dance and grind on my bed, pretending it was Joe.
“You ready?” - you
“So fucking ready.” - Joe
Pressing play on Nonsense by Sabrina Carpenter, I immediately started moving my hips in the most sensual way possible.
Just pretend you're in a club, performing for Joe.
Hearing Joe make a strangled noise gave me more confidence, he's enjoying this.
A few seconds later, I straddled the bed and started paying attention to the phone.
“Can I touch myself? Please?” - Joe
“Go ahead.” - you purred
Joe slid his hand down his pants and immediately wrapped it around his hard length.
“Fuck.” - Joe grunted
He was trying to match the movement of my hips with the slow pumps of his hand.
I could tell he was conflicted between closing his eyes or not. With his eyes closed, he could easily pretend it was my hand jerking him off, but he wanted to watch me.
A minute in, a third of the way through the song, Joe was moaning loudly.
“You… are so… goddam pretty.” - Joe groaned
Just a few seconds later, Joe abruptly pulled his hand out of his pants, and I heard the waistband snap against his stomach.
“I have to stop, I can’t cum yet…” - Joe breathed heavily
I stopped moving around, but Joe didn't like that one bit.
“Not you! Keep going, baby!” - Joe
Moments passed as I watched Joe bite on his lower lip, slowly rubbing over his bulge with his palm.
“Joe, there's a minute left of the song. You might wanna start back up.” - you
So he did. Joe immediately moved his hand back down his pants and pumped his cock faster than before.
“Good Girl, baby.” - Joe moaned
Joe’s head fell back as his chest started heaving, sweat dancing over his bare torso.
“Fuck! I'm gonna cum!” - Joe
“Joe, please take your shorts off. I wanna watch you.” - you
He immediately did my bidding.
I watched Joe lift his hips and pull his shorts down with one hand, never once letting go of his erection.
Joe grabbed his phone and brought it closer to his cock to give me a better view of one of my favorite parts of him.
“See what… you fucking- do to me?” - Joe
He was right. The entire shaft was beet red as his tip was wet from the precum constantly leaking out.
I watched his cock throb one last time before a loud moan left Joe’s lips, and he shot his load onto his hand and stomach.
“Shit…” - Joe hissed
Joe dropped his phone face down onto the bed, his screen was pitch black but I could still hear soft whimpers in his breath.
Pausing my music and getting under the covers of my bed, I got comfortable before checking on Joe.
“You okay, Joey?” - you
“Mhm. I'm just cleanin’ up.” - Joe
“Okay.” - you hummed
A minute later, Joe crawled into bed and picked up his phone.
One thing I loved about Joe was his post-orgasm expression. He always had this delirious smile with tired, hooded eyes.
“You want me to dance while you get off?” - Joe
“Babe, I love you, but I don't think head bobbing and the airplane is gonna help me out much in that department.” - you laughed
“What about my get the gat dance?” - Joe
I snorted when Joe formed a gun with his hand and did a little move with it.
“If you have the cigar, then yes.” - you giggled
Joe went to say something but when he opened his mouth the only thing that came out was a yawn.
“Noted.” - Joe finally said when his yawn was over
We just sat there for a moment, staring at each other with smiles on our faces.
“You seem pretty tired, baby.” - you
“After that orgasm? Yes. I don't think I've ever come that hard from jerking off.” - Joe
“It’s my effect on you, huh?” - you joked
“For real.” - Joe yawned again
“Goodnig-” - you
“Wait… can we just stay on FaceTime? I wanna fall asleep with you.” - Joe
“Of course.” - you
Butterflies erupted in my stomach as Joe placed his phone on the pillow next to his, the one I was sleeping on last week.
“Goodnight, y/n. I love you.” - Joe
“Goodnight, Joe. I love you too.” - you
A few minutes passed by and I heard his light snores through my phone speaker, causing me to smile.
I thought about hanging up, but instead plugged my phone in on my nightstand.
Though I wouldn't physically be falling asleep next to Joe, I knew he was with me.
And with him is where I wanted to always be.
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Authors note: I was super hyped to write this idk why 💀
Request for this fic; I kinda tweaked it but it's still generally the same idea!
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Hope you enjoyed! 💕
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blindmagdalena · 2 months ago
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Hello!
Wonderful "Eat Your Ego, Honey" got me wondering:
what would happen if Homelander was interested in a stripper?
She's known for her dancing and, he sensed, her secret superpower/-s. Would he be furious that a girl dances in front of some "dirty" men? Would he torture her for being afraid of him? Would he be uncomfortable with the smell of her sweaty body?
I literally see scene of meeting: she's dancing to gothic metal in the dim lights of the room; Homelander is freaking out, jealous and horny (because he feels like she's having a blast dancing).
Thanks for your fanfics, I adore it! Because of your headcanons I fell in love with Homelander and decided to watch the series...
anon. the absolute RABBIT HOLE you sent me spiraling down with this ask is genuinely insane. firstly tho, thank you!! i'm so happy you enjoy my work and have been inspired to watch the show! i hope you love it as much as i did.
okay, now, onto the meat of this. i can't imagine Homelander ever being in a strip club, but i absolutely can see Vought having a dancer supe who performs at shows! and then i started thinking about what kind of powers she might have.
(this got long. strap in.)
and okay. bear with me here. i have the FAINTEST memory of a kids show (something like goosebumps or are you afraid of the dark) where they told a monkey-paw type story of a girl who wished that everyone would like/love her. and of course this turned out to be a fucking nightmare. people were obsessed with her automatically to a scary degree and she was eventually swarmed and maybe killed by the aggression of the adoring crowd? i don't remember.
but that made me think about her power being something of that nature. a chemical that compels people to adore her. when she sweats, and that sweat evaporates off of her skin, it fills the air people in the vicinity inhale it. it's what makes her dances so incredibly popular! but too much exposure to her powers can cause, uh... scary side effects in people. make them deranged. obsessive.
she hates it. it's destroyed all the relationships in her life. it's pretty much inevitable that she'll eventually effect the people around her, and it either freaks them out to the point they break contact with her or creates a completely inauthentic infatuation with her. it's impossible for her to know if anyone actually likes her, or if they're just under the influence of her powers.
she, like Homelander, would know what it's like to be "loved" in the most hollow sense of the word.
how cut to Homelander who's present at one of these shows where she's dancing and oh my god something smells incredible. downright intoxicating. it calls to every fiber of his being and he follows the scent of it until he's close enough to the stage, and it shocks him to his core to realize it's a person.
except! Homelander is so fucking chock full of V himself that he's not wholly affected by her... idk, pheromones? whatever you want to call her aura of effect. but he IS intrigued by it. by her. by the way her body moves and how she seems to have cast a SPELL on the entire audience.
he expects he'll be able to get a chance to speak with her after the performance, but bafflingly, she gets the FUCK outta there as soon as her set is done. naturally he has to follow!!!!
and okay i just had so many ideas for this! i even thought of One Single Friend she has who's a fellow supe and, due to his own powers, he's immune to her effect. i haven't figured out how exactly. maybe he doesn't breathe the way normal humans do. or he has some kind of innate filtration that makes him immune to gasses and things. his supe name is something stupid like... The Filtrator.
speaking of which her supe name would probably be like. Enchantress. something that alludes to the charming effect she has. but her friend knows how her powers work and he playfully calls her The Perspiren. perspiring siren. 😭😂
anyways i think they could have a lot of really interesting parallels! and of course Homelander would be intensely possessive of her, but he's also a HUGE exhibitionist and i think he would get off on knowing how badly everyone wants someone that's his.
he wouldn't ever physically hurt/torture her, but he would of course become violent if his possession of her were challenged or threatened in any way. if anyone touched what's his, or presumed they could take her. anyone she showed interest in would definitely wind up dead.
can you tell that i thought WAY too hard about this.
idk if i would make this an oc or a reader fic. i feel like this could definitely work for my first proper supe!reader fic! it's got a ton of potential. thanks so much for sending this!
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v7lgar · 7 months ago
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@jegulus-microfic | april 8 - devotion | 523 words
Regulus knew he was very much loved by James, he could feel it with every fiber of his being. It didn't matter how mean he was to him all the time they spent together, they had their moments. Lingering touches, unspoken agreements, unsaid words, and a love so pure it might kill Regulus one of these days.
James loved him. He loved him so much it made Regulus sick to his core. It wasn't that he didn't like being loved dearly. It was because there wasn't any room left to breathe, to think, to live. And Regulus wasn't familiar with these feelings, it was all new to him.
Whenever James kissed his lips, a part of his soul attached itself to James’s. He loved and hated every second of it.
He sometimes wished James could love him less, he thought that's how he could start loving him in his way. He thought this often, but he never talked with James about this. It wasn't that James wouldn't understand, it was because he could misunderstand Regulus and he didn't want that.
But he couldn't take it anymore.
“James,” he whispered his name while holding him in his arms, in their bed. They were lying naked under the blankets, a warm feeling corrupting his nerves.
James was more silent than ever, which was weird. He usually liked talking after having sex, being silent did not suit him, not even a bit.
James kissed under his ear, and sighed. He slowly pulled himself back, looking directly into Regulus’ eyes and taking his breath away. That's how it was easy to affect him, just one look and Regulus was done.
“Hm?”
Regulus put his hands on his cheeks and took a deep breath, he caressed James’ stubble and slowly got close to him to kiss his nose and drew himself back. James smiled softly and Regulus could swear on his life that his heart changed its rhythm.
“I don't know how to tell you this,” Regulus began, “It's something stupid.”
James kissed his cheek, and his lips afterwards. Slow and attentive. Regulus melted under him, his soul slowly getting liquified and his walls shattering one by one.
“Go ahead, love.”
Regulus didn't speak right after, he needed to think this through. Yes, James was considerate, but he was also thin-skinned when it came to Regulus and their relationship.
I think we should take a break.
Should we slow things a bit?
James, I love you but I feel like I'm not doing it my way.
I have concerns about our relationship.
James, I think we should break up.
Your devotion to me is a bit much.
You are too much.
James.
“Regulus?”
Regulus lost his train of thought and slowly came to his senses. He looked at James’s brown eyes and smiled under the dim light.
He had James, hadn't he? And that was all that mattered, they could overcome everything when they both had each other.
“I love your eyes, “ he ended up saying.
He watched James’ smile turn into a big one.
“I love yours too.”
He hoped that everything would be okay in the end.
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randxmthxughts · 2 years ago
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Can't wait to meet you - Tsu'tey x pregnant!reader
summary: pregnant!reader having to reassure tsu'tey that he will be a great father, despite his fears
wc: 800
a/n: i have a long weekend and i'm planning to take full advantage of that. i promise, i'll get to writing dad!tsu'tey raising his babies, but before that i need some more tsu'tey just happily existing with his pregnant mate
masterlist
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The thick, humid air of the night clung to your skin, leaving a sticky and uncomfortable trace all over your swollen body. Being so far along in your pregnancy, sharing a hammock with Tsu’tey was becoming increasingly cramped. His chest pressed tightly into your back and despite your attempts to shift your weight for a cooler spot, to no avail, it was too difficult to move. You let out a soft sigh, giving up on the idea, a trickle of sweat ran down your forehead. But as you tried to drift back to sleep, you heard Tsu’tey’s ragged breathing, and for a second you thought that he might be having a nightmare.
“Tsu’tey?” you whispered in case he was asleep.
Tsu’tey hummed in response behind you, signaling that he was wide awake. You turned your head slightly, catching a glimpse of his profile in the dim moonlight. His eyes were open, staring up at the night sky.
With much effort, you turned around to lay on your other side and face him. Your big stomach immediately put a distance between your bodies, only brushing lightly against Tsu’tey’s core and bringing him out of his thoughts. You were exhausted, wishing to go back to sleep, but your mate losing sleep for the third night in the row was concerning, and it was about time that you comforted him.
“Go back to sleep, yawntu,” Tsu’tey mumbled, feeling a little guilty for your tired state.
He had to crane his neck awkwardly to lean down and plant a soft kiss on your forehead, something that he had gotten used to ever since your belly had grown in size.  
“Why aren’t you asleep, Tsu’tey?” the grit in your voice sounded pleasantly sweet to his ears, “I can tell something is troubling you.”
“It’s nothing,” he shook his head lightly, his expression betraying his words.
“Please share with your muntxatu,” you offered, placing your palm on Tsu'tey's chest.
He softened at the gesture, covering your hand with his and squeezing it lightly. Your all-knowing warm gaze was like a gentle wind, slowly unraveling and peeling away each layer of fear and doubt he had been putting on for the past months.
“I am scared that… I won’t be good enough for her,” he confessed, his ears lowering in shame.
You blinked in confusion, tracing the soft glow of his freckles back to his eyes, that were unwilling to look at you. Your heart swelled at the realization that he was talking about your daughter.
“You have no reason to be scared, Tsu’tey, you will be everything she could ever wish for,” you scooted closer to him, as much as your body allowed you to.
“What if I’m not?” he let out a deep sigh, finally meeting your gaze with vulnerability reflecting in his own, “You know how I am, yawntu… I can be harsh sometimes. What if she sees that and gets scared? If she goes off running or gets lost, and I get angry with her, then what? I don’t want her to fear me… or hate me.”
“Your concern for her even before she's born shows how good of a father you will be, Tsu’,” you looked at him with a soft smile, “And I know you won't hurt her, just like you've never hurt me.”
“I will protect her with my whole heart if I need to. Both of you,” Tsu’tey declared, feeling it in his whole being.
And you knew he meant it. With every fiber in his body, Tsu’tey was committed to give his unborn child everything he could and more. His love for her was pouring out of every word he muttered, every gesture, every thought in his head. 
“I know,” you hummed in contentment, “And both of us love you just for the way you are.”
His lips curled into a smile, and he leaned down to nuzzle your cheek, whispering a small ‘thank you.’ Tsu'tey rested his palm gently against your swollen belly, shifting to bring his face to the same level.
“Can’t wait to meet you,” he spoke softly to his unborn child, as you watched him with admiration.
Both of you felt a sudden movement from within your belly in response to his voice. Something small pressed against your skin, causing his eyes to widen, and Tsu’tey gently traced the imprint with his fingers, marveling at the sight he had already seen many times before.
“I think she’s saying it back,” you said. Tsu’tey nodded in satisfaction, pressing a kiss to your belly.
“I love you so much. Your mommy and you made me the happiest man alive, you know that?” 
And just like a response, the baby kicked again, drawing out a laugh out of both of you.
“Feels like she’s going to talk back a lot when she learns how to,” you teased, smiling down at Tsu’tey.
“Going to be just like her mother,” he grinned back.
You rolled your eyes playfully but the smile on your lips widened. Seeing your mate so happy over your shared love was something you could never grow tired of.
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taglist (lmk if you want to be added): @bigdikzaddy @awriana @scarletrosesposts @abbersreads @mechformers @my-love-of-books @avatarbyamara @robin-the-enby @netemoon @minjix @nilrilie @grierpilots @suntizme @live-laugh-neteyam @misscaller06 @darkacademictrash @arminsgfloll @omnifanfic-copycat @crazyforteyam @sakura-onesan
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heauxvibez · 8 months ago
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Brown Skin Girl
Warning: Talks of colorism, fluff
Took everything in life, baby, know your worth I love everything about you, from your nappy curls To every single curve, your body natural
"Baby girl, what's wrong?" Roman's concerned voice filled the room as he gazed at the pouting woman nestled on his lap.
She lowered her gaze, tears welling in her eyes, tracing paths down her cheeks, cheeks he had come to adore with every fiber of his being.
Sniffling, she whispered, "Nothing."
Roman sighed, a gentle furrow forming on his brow as he brushed a stray coil of hair from her forehead. His thumb moved tenderly, wiping away the tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
"Baby, you can't sit here and tell me everything's fine when you're clearly upset," he insisted.
Sage had endured a lot while he'd been away, busy promoting his upcoming fight. Yet, in his presence, she had always managed to mask her pain, putting on a brave face.
But the relentless onslaught of social media had been taking its toll on her, slowly chipping away at her confidence. Ever since they had decided to make their relationship public, she had become the subject of vicious rumors and hurtful comments.
Oh, how she wished she could turn back time and keep their relationship private.
The cruelty of people's words cut deep, particularly the remarks about her skin color—an aspect of herself she had long since come to terms with. Growing up with darker skin than those around her, she had faced criticism for something she had no control over. But over time, she had learned to embrace and love herself just as she was.
Yet, since the announcement of their relationship, Roman's fans had been awful. They zeroed in on her insecurities until she began to believe their hurtful words.
"You basically downgraded by being with me," she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper, her lip trembling as she chewed on it nervously.
Roman's heart sank as he listened to the woman he adored degrade herself. Guilt gnawed at him. As her partner, it was his responsibility to uplift her, to remind her of her beauty inside and out every single day. She had never shown signs of insecurity before, so he hadn't felt the need to shower her with compliments daily, but that was no excuse.
"Baby, what are you talking about?" he asked, shaking his head in disbelief as she shifted in his lap, meeting his gaze with her dark brown eyes.
She sniffled, "Roman, you know exactly what I mean. Look at me, and then look at you. You deserve someone much better than me."
A soft chuckle escaped her lips, "I don't deserve you."
Sage nervously fiddled with her fingers, tears threatening to spill over once more.
"I've heard the same hurtful words my whole life. That I'm ugly, and so is my complexion," she admitted, her voice cracking with emotion.
Roman's frown deepened.
Taking her hands in his, he sighed deeply, his thumb tracing soothing circles on her skin as he gazed into her eyes. She captivated him with her beauty, unaware of the effect she had on him. Even as tears streamed down her face, he couldn't help but be drawn to her.
"Oh, baby girl," he murmured, gently lifting her chin with his index finger, forcing her to meet his gaze. The intensity in her eyes could make any man's knees weak.
The weight of his gaze made her heart flutter, and a small smile tugged at the corners of Roman's lips. Gently, he laid her down on the couch, maintaining eye contact, which caused a blush to spread across her ebony cheeks.
Positioning himself between her legs, Roman held her frame beneath him, his presence comforting and reassuring. Her heart raced in her chest, her pulse quickening at his touch.
Goosebumps rose on her skin as his calloused hands explored the curves of her body, admiring the areas where she had just a little more meat than most people.
His touch was firm yet gentle, eliciting a giggle from Sage as his hands roamed over her thighs, tickling her sensitive skin.
Grunts escaped Roman's lips as he watched her take her full bottom lip between her teeth, the sight nearly driving him wild. How could she dare call herself ugly? Her beauty was breathtaking, undeniable, and anyone who thought otherwise needed their head examined.
Roman's hand caressed the side of her face, his thumb brushing against her trembling bottom lip before releasing it. He shook his head, disbelief in his eyes.
"Sometimes I wonder if I'm even good enough for you, baby. Your beauty is unmatched; you make me look ugly," he chuckled.
Sage playfully rolled her eyes, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"It's an honor just to be with you, Sage," he whispered.
His words touched her deeply, her lips curving into a smile.
Lifting her head, their lips barely a breath away from each other, Sage pulled back slightly. Roman melted under her touch, completely in awe of her.
"And your skin...baby, you know you're my chocolate drop," he teased, causing her to throw her head back in a fit of laughter.
Roman joined her laughter, burying his head in the crook of her neck. His beard and lips brushed against her skin causing her grip around his neck to tighten and a whimper to escape her lips.
"You have the most beautiful skin. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise," he mumbled against her skin, his voice tender.
"We're going to have children someday, and they'll inherit this skin. I can't be the only one reminding them how beautiful it is, can I?"
He pulled away to look at her, his eyes searching for confirmation.
"No," she responded softly, her gaze dropping under his intense scrutiny.
"Our children will inherit these beautiful features of yours, and I can't be the only one making sure they know just how beautiful they are. Right?"
She fought back a smile, her heart swelling with love.
"This skin and these features you're talking about are just a few of the reasons I fell in love with you," he confessed, his voice as soft as her skin.
Dipping his head back to her neck, Roman used his tongue to trace his name against her skin. Sage's breathing quickened as he moved to pepper her jawline with sensual kisses, each one sending her closer to ecstasy.
"Do you understand?" he murmured against her skin.
His kisses trailed up to her chin, tenderly caressing her lips and sucking on her bottom lip. With each touch, Sage felt any doubts she had about Roman's love for her fade away..
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Ummm okay I'm done for the night lol, I did not know how to end this but I hope ya'll enjoy the three things I've written tonight!
Tags: @harmshake @southerngirl41 @spritelucozade @empressdede @alichesmi
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a-heart-attack-ow · 9 months ago
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The Arrangement. Part Seven
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Part 5
Part 6
Part 7: **NSFW/Unedited**
His clenched jaw was the first thing I noticed when I got called into his home office. I had no idea when he'd returned home or why he'd felt it necessary to have Sam come and fetch me for a meeting, but I could feel my anger boiling beneath the surface of my skin, in my veins as I stared back at my husband. Colby Brock stood before me in all black, a tank top that showed off his muscular arms and his half-sleeve tattoo, paired with a pair of black skinny jeans. Beads of water pooled at the base of his dark locks that hung in his face. He'd clearly just returned home given the state of his hair, the water fresh from the downpour outside. Our house had lost power hours ago because of the storm. Now all we had was the dim light of the candles to accompany us. It had been two whole weeks that he'd been away from me. Two whole weeks that he'd been traveling for 'business'. Business that I hadn't been given any information on. He'd left in the middle of the night, with only a note on my pillow for an indication that he'd gone. He'd not bothered to call or text at that time. He'd truly left me high and dry. 
But now he stood before me. Jaw clenched, eyes narrowed as he stared into my soul. A part of me wanted to slap him for leaving me the way he did. After that night we had dinner with his parents. After I swore to him that I would always be there for him. He'd told me he loved me but disappeared into the night without so much as a second glance. I fold my arms across my chest as I stare at him, the tension thick in the air around us. I don't speak as I study him. I don't say a word as his eyes look me up and down in quiet appreciation. I'd spent the last two weeks with Kris and Celina, planning which charity events we'd be hosting on behalf of the Brock Family Estate. I'd thrown myself into work because I couldn't think of him. I couldn't think of how he'd left me. So I focused on work, working out, and reading up on what things my husband had been up to with his gang of drug traffickers. Thanks to Sam, I had all the knowledge I needed about their 'business'. Colby throws a smirk my way when he takes in what I'm wearing. The deep v-neck of my long-sleeved, red top. It was form-fitting and paired with a higher-waisted black skater skirt. The skirt was short and the sight of my bare legs caught his attention. 
He looks like he wants to devour me and a part of me wants to let him. But I'm so angry that I can't. 
Colby knows I'm angry, his smirk growing as he takes a step around his desk, his pale blue eyes never leaving me for a second. His left hand lingers on top of his desk, his fingers lightly gliding over the cherry wood. My eyes catch his wedding band as it hits the candlelight. When he takes a step forward, I take a step back, my back brushing the closed door behind me. My reaction to him doesn't phase him a bit as he chuckles darkly. 
"I heard you were a good girl while I was gone..."
His voice is so deep, so needy that it sends a shiver up my spine. He notices the way my body reacts to only his voice, the way I have to physically clench my thighs together to keep myself composed. All I can think about is him buried inside of me. All I can think about is the dirty things he'd whisper in my ear. All I can think about is that I've had to pleasure myself for the past two weeks and my hands just couldn't do it the way his hands could. 
"...Oh no, is my baby mad that I left her on her own for two weeks?"
He asks when he sees my facial expression remain unchanged. Even though he knows every fiber of my being wants him, no matter how angry I am. I don't speak and I don't move as he ponders what to do next. The dark amusement on his face tells me that he's as aroused by seeing me as I am by seeing him. Since we'd gotten married we'd never spent a night apart. And while I understand that he's not always going to be home all of the time, a part of me wished he'd left differently. That he'd communicated without just leaving me. I didn't want to be clingy, I just wanted to be treated like a normal wife would be. A wife that a husband speaks to about basic things like business trips. I shudder to think of what it would've been like if we had children together. How would our children react to their father just disappearing in the middle of the night? Colby strides across the room to meet me, taking a mere five strides to reach me. He glances down at me, his wet hair remaining on his face as he studies me. I peer up at him and attempt to hold my ground as I try not to let his 5'11' frame intimidate my 5'0' frame. His hands rest on the door behind me, on either side of my head. He is focused on me, but I keep my eyes forward on his chest. 
"Do I need to fuck an answer out of you my love?"
He asks, his voice deepening as he uses a hand to force me to look up at him, his grip firm on my chin. Once I look at him, I feel my stomach flip. His handsome face and the desire etched into it made me weak. It made me want to forget why I'd been so frustrated in the first place. It made me wet without him even touching me. 
"Colby..."
I start, my voice giving me away immediately. There's a breathiness to my voice, a willingness to surrender nearly outranking any logic that I might've had before. It's a tone that causes him to laugh once more, a dark chuckle that seems pleased by my reaction. 
"... You can't just leave without a proper goodbye and then come home and act like nothing happened."
I practically moan the words as his hand moves from my jaw, his fingertips tracing down my neck. I feel him guide my head to the side as he leans down to kiss my exposed neck. Slow and sloppy kisses are placed along my skin gently, almost like a nonverbal apology. The sensation of his lips on me causes me to close my eyes for a moment, chills appearing on my arms as he uses his tongue to start marking me. My breathing immediately becomes erratic as he does this and I have to physically focus on not sounding too frenzied. I didn't want him to think he'd won this argument, even if he did set my body on fire with desperate need. I can feel the mark forming on my skin as he sucks, groaning against me. His hands trace over mine slowly as he uncrosses my arms and instead pins them to the door behind me, restraining me. 
"I left you a note."
He rasps as he guides his lips from my skin. For a moment he stares at his handiwork. The smirk grows when he sees the deep purple mark he's left on my skin. I turn my head when I realize he's finished with my neck, my gaze meeting his. 
"The note said, 'I'll be home later' Cole. That's not a proper goodbye."
When I speak, he chuckles once more. His lips trace mine and he hums in response. There's a quiet contemplation for a moment as he mentally decides what he wants to do next, his grip on my arms remaining firm. It feels like a slow form of torture as I wait for him to decide what to do. A part of me wants to talk this out, but a bigger part of me wants to make up for our two weeks apart. Out of pure impatience, I pushed my lips against his, no longer able to have him so close without getting what I needed. He kissed me back with an eagerness that matched my own, my body still restrained under his touch. He kisses me with such love and attentiveness that had been missing when we'd first gotten together. Gone were the days of deepened kisses that felt like constricting lust. He groans against me as I feel his body press up against mine. I can feel how hard he is and instantly I know that I need him inside of me as soon as possible. 
Needing air, we break the kiss, our eyes clouded with desire when we look at each other. His chest heaves up and down as he studies me. Without saying a word, Colby pulls my arms up above my head. Holding both of my wrists down with one hand as he uses the other to trace the inside of my thigh. His index finger slowly creeps up further and further up my thigh with cruel intentions. His eyes never move from my face, not even when he reaches my soaked sex. A look of surprise moves over his face as he starts to trace my clit.
“You’re a naughty girl Mrs. Brock. Not wearing any underwear in such a short skirt.” 
He starts to tease my clit, slowly as he watches me closely. He gets a deep satisfaction as he focuses on how much his fingertips pleasure me. He uses his thumb and his index finger to rub my clit while his middle finger carefully dips inside of me. My eyes close as he starts pumping his finger in and out of me. He chuckles to himself as he moves his lips back to mine. Kissing me deeply until we’re both out of breath. 
“I should punish you for walking around here without any panties. For wearing such a short skirt while doing so. Anyone could’ve seen you, Emilia. Anyone could’ve seen this…”
He pauses to push his finger a little deeper inside of me. 
“... Sweet little pussy…” Once more, he pushes his finger in as deeply as he can. A sensation that feels so good it makes my head spin.
“... My sweet little pussy.”
He finishes speaking as he adds another finger, a moan escaping me when he does. He knows exactly how to move his fingertips for maximum satisfaction. He only has to thrust his fingers inside of me a few more times before my walls start to tighten around his fingers. 
“Colby…”
I whimper as his movements grow more relentless. Nearing my body closer to the edge. 
“... I’m gonna cum.” 
I finish as he finger fucks me over the edge. I cum around his fingertips. I feel breathless as I feel myself relax. My chest rises and falls in quick succession. He stares down at me in hunger as he withdraws his fingers from me. He doesn’t look away as he brings his fingers to his lips licking them clean. His look of satisfaction grows as he tastes me. Watching him is enough to make me wet again. He removes his other hand from my arms which are still above my head. With my arms back at my sides I study my husband closely. My eyes flicker down to his hardened cock, but when I think to touch him, he stops me. Instead, he guides me forward. I don’t speak as I let him maneuver me wherever he wants me. He bends me over at his desk. There’s a silence that hangs in the air around us. For a moment I feel his gaze on me, debating what he wants to do with me first. I don’t speak as I wait in anticipation for him to make a move. The only thing that breaks through the silence is the sound of his pants zipper being pulled down as he takes off his pants. His hands trace my ass cheeks, as he slides my skirt up so my ass is fully on display. He hums as he studies me, placing his hands on either side of my hips. I feel his hardened cock tease my folds from behind. A sensation that causes my breathing to hitch, the anticipation causing my core to ache with desperate need. 
“You know, I’ve thought about fucking you over this desk non-stop for the past two weeks.” 
He pulls my ass in against him, his cock slowly sliding inside of me. He pauses once he’s inside of me, letting my body adjust to him for a moment. I feel so full with him inside of me, my core eager for his movement. Colby pulls back and starts to thrust inside of me, slowly at first. Painfully slow. I want the friction as he fucks me. I want him to fuck me senseless, but when I go to ask him to go faster he chuckles. 
“Baby, be patient.” 
He groans as he thrusts inside of me at his own slow pace. His breathing, ragged as the sound of my ass slapping against him fills the silence. His fingers grip me tighter as my core flutters against him. Even going slower, I still felt myself nearing the edge for the second time tonight. The second he feels this, he groans again. This time he thrusts deeper, the angle of his cock hitting new depths within me. I moan as he does this, his grip tighter on my hips, tighter than before. I half hope that there will be a bruise when he does this some sort of proof of how thoroughly he fucked me. 
He starts thrusting faster inside of me, my ass is flush against him as he leans forward and whispers.
“I’m going to cum inside of you. I’m going to fill my baby up and let her know how sorry I am for leaving her behind.”
I moan once more, my core tightening around him. Without saying another word he thrusts one final time and we cum together. When he does, my eyes flutter closed, my body at peace as his cock twitches inside of me. He spills into me deeply as he holds my ass in place. Lifting me up slightly so his cum doesn’t pool out of me. We remained together like this for several minutes, his lips kissing up my spine.
“I am sorry Emilia.” He groans, pulling out of me. Leaving me exposed once more. I feel his cum escape me once he’s no longer able to keep me in place. I feel his seed spill down my inner thighs and my legs suddenly struggle to stand. It takes me several seconds to catch my breath, but when I do I force myself to look over at my husband. His blue eyes focus on me closely, smirking at me while I pull my skirt back to where it had been. He pulls his pants back on as I glare up at him before poking his black tank top-covered chest. 
“Next time you need to talk to me. I understand if you need to leave, but a fucking note? A note that barely gave me any clue about what was going on? Not okay.” My tone is more playful than the expression on my face. A tone that makes him smile. He leans down to kiss my forehead and sighs. 
“I had to make an emergency delivery overseas. I didn’t want to wake you up in the middle of the night. You were sleeping so peacefully after that awful dinner with my parents. I just didn’t want to bother you and I couldn’t talk about it over text or on the phone.”
I focus on him and sigh. I knew that something had to have happened for him to have left the way that he did. But that didn’t mean I had to like how he left me. He’d said he didn’t want any more secrets between us, but he’d kept me in the dark about this entire delivery. 
“We need a safe word for unexpected deliveries. You could write it down and then I will know for next time.” 
Colby looks down at me, his gaze is soft as he smiles at my words. He nods, arms reaching out to wrap me in an embrace. I’d forgiven him the moment that I first laid eyes on him. I knew and he knew it too. I couldn’t stay mad at him forever. I just didn’t have it in me.  He holds me tightly against him. 
“How about, the next time something like this happens, our safe word is avocado?”
I can’t help but laugh at his words, my arms also wrapping around him. We hold each other, our laughter filling the room. 
“Avocado? Sounds perfect.” 
I whisper against his chest, nuzzling him. The last two weeks without him had been hard. I’d missed just being near him, holding him close, and getting to just breathe him in. Over the duration of our marriage, he’d become a comfort to me. A soothing presence that just felt right. I’d missed the little things he did. The way his glasses framed his face when he was working at his desk. The way he smiled whenever Sam came over for dinner. How he’d read his emails in bed next to me as I fell asleep. It was all of the little things that made up our relationship that made me truly happy he was home. 
He kisses the top of my head sweetly, his fingers running through my long black hair. I don’t want to let go of him. I don’t want it to end, but I do pull back to look at him, and when I do I find his blue eyes looking down at me in appreciation. 
“I read your plans for the charity project you’ve been working on with Kris and Celina. I am so proud of you…”
I feel my cheeks redden at his words. I sent him an email with my plans yesterday. I didn’t realize he’d taken the time to read it over. His smile grows when he notices the blush forming on my face. 
“... It’s going to be good for you to do what you love. You care about the community and helping people in need. I can’t wait to see you flourish.”
I look at my husband and feel so grateful that he’s telling me this. That he’s accepting me for who I am. For the first time since arriving here I felt comfortable enough to be myself. Looking in his eyes, I can tell he wants to say something else, but when he goes to speak a loud, feverish knock on the door interrupts him. The person behind the door doesn’t wait for a response, instead, they open the door. 
“Colby…” 
Sam’s voice rasps. I can tell by the sound of his voice that something is wrong and Colby knows it too. Sam is breathing breathlessly, sweat on his forehead. Colby immediately lets go of me and pushes me behind him as he looks at Sam. His body is tense but when Sam speaks next, Colby’s body seems to go completely stiff. 
“... A package was delivered and when I checked it…” Sam pauses, his face seeming to whiten at the mental recollection of what he’d seen. Whatever he’d seen, it was bad. 
“... I found a severed ear…” This time when Sam pauses he looks at me, sympathy finding its place on his face. It’s then that I feel my stomach turn. I know instantly that the ear must’ve belonged to my father. I can see it on Sam’s face, the fear of having to tell me. The fear of hurting me by telling me that my only surviving blood relative was hurt. 
“... It’s your dad’s ear, Emilia. There was a note attached to the ear, addressed to both of you from our parents. They’re giving you one month to get off your birth control, so your body can have the time it needs to adjust before you and Colby have children. You have one month to do this and get a doctor’s note for proof before Mom and Dad send another part of your dad.” 
Colby looks back at me, actual fear in his eyes as he studies me. I don’t speak as a silent tear goes down my cheek. I knew that the family I married into were awful human beings but I had no idea they’d go to this extreme to force my compliance. For a moment I’d forgotten that I was a chess piece, but they’d thoroughly reminded me tonight. 
I was nothing more than a breeding mare for the Brock Family Estate and any potential heirs I could give. 
Nothing more. Nothing less. 
And there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do about it.
80 notes · View notes
becauseicantdecide · 2 years ago
Text
The Harder They Fall
Aemond Targaryen x Reader x Aegon II Targaryen
Warnings: Non-Con/Dub-Con, Smut, Oral (F receiving), Knife Kink, Spitting Kink, Biting Kink, Enemies to Lovers.
Summary: Aemond and Aegon both yearn for their mother's approval. It angers them when she immediately meets and favours the Princess of Dorne. They come up with a plan that ensures their mother never says your name out loud again.
Dedicated to @pluvialpoet, @bitch-biblioklept
Merry Christmas 😘😘
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"I wish she'd choke on that olive and die." Aegon utters viscously.
From his spot beside his brother, Aemond almost spits his mead. If he was a man with any less self control, he might have laughed.
Instead, he turns to where his brother is watching sourly, to his mother, talking animatedly with the Princess of Dorne.
He can't deny your beauty, though he may hate you with every fiber of his being, he cannot deny that dornish dress was made for you, that your expanse of exposed skin and well done hair is anything other than breathtaking.
It's a shame that he indeed, also wanted to squeeze the breath out of you.
"Mother lets her get away with too much," Aegon continues, breaking into his brother's thoughts, "She tried to suggest to me how I should ride my own dragon."
Aemond raises a precarious eyebrow in shock and amusement.
"The worst part is the fucking bitch was right."
You were truly, proof that the gods had a sense of humour. Why else would they send someone so blood- boiling and so beautiful?
Though Aemond doesn't supply any verbal agreement of his dislike for you, he acknowledges it silently. He ached to wipe that smug smile from your face.
~~~
You liked to torment, and the Princes of the seven kingdoms had made themselves easy targets.
Like now, Alicent had promised you her younger son would accompany you through the shopping districts of King's Landing, and you were having a fun time reminding him at every moment that he'd been lent out like a hired sword.
You stayed beside him, looking up with triumphant smiles as he looked needlessly bored.
"What do you think of this colour?" You say, raising a light blue fabric to your face so that Aemond could compare them.
The Targaryen simply sighs, doesn't glance at you and turns away.
You pout.
"You're not being a very good help, Prince Aemond." You say, walking around to stand in front of him. Under his eye twitches once in annoyance.
"Ah, perhaps the import of wine and rare fruits are not as important to the Royal Family as I thought." You say in sorrow, turning away, only to grin when you feel Prince Aemond grip your upper arm to pull you back.
"Is that a threat, Princess Martell?"
"Gracious no!" You exaggerate with a smile, "I'm simply pointing out that Dorne's supplies can't be that important with the way you treat me."
You think you could hear his teeth crack with the frustration.
A shiver of pleasure floats down your spine.
Finally, he looks at the fabric in your hand.
"I hate it." He says finally, releasing your arm.
You hum in appreciation, putting it back.
"What is your favourite colour?" You ask, moving to keep up with his lengthy strides, shaking your head politely when someone tries to beckon you into their shop.
Again, he doesn't respond.
"Prince Aemond-"
"-Princess Martell." He says in a clipped tone, stopping to turn to you, "I am just a protective hand. If you require an opinion, I suggest you ask your ladies in waiting. It is their purpose."
Oh, you loved playing games.
You keep your eyes on his, wondering what's under his eyepatch.
"Leila," you call to one of your ladies' maids, you hear her step forward expectantly, ready to assist.
You don't stop looking at Aemond.
"Can you inquire as to the Prince's favourite colour?"
If only looks could kill.
There's a moment before Leila decides to open her mouth to speak on your behalf.
"Pardon me, my Prince-"
Aemond cuts her off with a look.
Pushed too far, he turns, and leaves you in the streets, disappearing into the crowds before you can say another word. You admire the sway of his hair as he walks away.
~
Aemond wasn't surprised that you'd told his mother. Sitting in his room, staring out at King's Landing, he's not fazed by his mother's sudden intrusion.
"I can't believe you," she starts, "the Martell house is a well respected and important family, the least you could do is treat her accordingly."
"You're lucky I didn't kill her." He says easily, studying the people below. Her silence speaks volumes.
"I had sought to make a match of you two, but maybe I should spare her the trouble." Alicent informs.
Aemond swivels on his mother.
"You would wed me to that spoiled brat?" He asks in disbelief.
"She is nothing of the sort!" Alicent's voice heightens as she approaches, "She is kind, and well learned and incredibly creative and if you could see that you would-"
"-Never. I would never." He spends a moment deep in thought before quietly asking, "Why do you like her so much?"
Alicent moves to his side, tucking her hand under his chin to tilt his head up from where he's sitting. He allows it to happen, because this is his mother, his blood.
She looks at him, Aemond watches some type of sorrow move over the planes of her face.
"I think she could love you. Aegon- has been forced to marry for duty, and you get the chance to marry for something else."
Aemond rolls his eye.
"I would have been happier marrying for duty." He responds.
Her grip on his jaw tightens.
"Consider it your duty to me then."
"I'll think about it." He appeases. He'd already thought about it. He would marry you when hell freezes.
~~~~
Aegon was not faring any better with you.
He'd been having his merry time with a serving maid when you'd walked into the small nook they'd been hidden in.
You'd cleared your throat, and the maid- whose name he couldn't care to remember- had slipped away and ran past you with a rushed excuse.
An annoyed sigh slips past his mouth, looking at you with droll irritation.
You didn't even flinch, smiling at him when he approached you to walk past.
"Can I ask, Prince Aegon," you blurt, humour deepening when he pauses to give you an annoyed glance, "Have you ever been with a willing woman?"
The silence is both amusing and poisonous.
You don't expect it, but it doesn't surprise you when he grips your shoulder tightly, slamming you into the same wall he'd had the other maiden pressed against.
"Do you have any idea who I am?" He growl, leaning into your space, till your breaths intermingle, "I am a Prince of the seven kingdoms and you will not speak to me as if I am your equal." He hisses, and not for the first time, the anger in his violet eyes stirs something delightful within you.
You soften your voice, tilting your head up and continuing to meet his eyes in an attempt to look more alluring.
"I meant no disrespect, Your Highness, but there's only so many times you can have your cock sucked by an inexperienced, unwilling woman before it gets boring."
He moves a hand from pinning your shoulder to the wall to wrap his fingers around your throat. Your eyes flutter with the pleasure it brings.
"Perhaps I like my women unwilling and inexperienced."
"A shame," you hit back, "When the opposite could incite pleasure you've only ever dreamed of."
His fingers tighten around your neck.
"Are you offering?" He asks, reducing his grip to allow you to speak.
"You wish." You respond, and before another word can be said, you're raising your hands to knock his away from your body, pushing him back to a respectable distance.
He hits the opposite wall with a muffled thud.
"I'll remind you, Prince Aegon, that I am a lady, and I am capable of removing your hands from your wrists should you touch me again without permission." You move to walk away, pausing in afterthought to turn back to him.
"So, have a nice day, Your Highness." You say, bowing your head respectfully, giving him a small smile, before backing away.
Aegon doesn't understand how he feels for hours after. On one hand, how dare you threaten him? On the other hand, why did it make him feel giddy on the inside?
He blames it on his mother.
~~~~~
He knows what's coming when Alicent storms into his room while he's taking a bath.
"You will not touch Princess Martell again, do you understand?"
Aegon huffs, wiggling his fingers in the warm water.
"It was harmless really, I can't believe she told you that."
"Except that she didn't tell me, the maid you'd been forcing yourself onto did."
Aegon can't help the smile that grows on his face.
Alicent leans forward angrily to dash water into the prince's eyes. He grunts in displeasure, wiping at his stinging eyes.
"I am trying to create a union between her and Aemond, I would appreciate if you would keep your filthy hands to yourself." Alicent hisses.
Aegon laughs long and hard.
"Aemond will kill her the second they are wed, mother, she is a nuisance- so- well- wait- I don't know what I'm saying, go right ahead and wed them." He smiles deviously.
She frowns, sighing, she leans against the bathtub, deep in thought.
Awkwardly, Aegon looks down at his cock, thinking that having his mother here did not inspire the debauched activities he was hoping to get along with.
"Why do you both dislike her? She is exactly the type of person I'd hoped for."
Which was the entire premise of the problem. That you had walked into the castle and earned the favour of the Queen, affection her sons could never hope to attain.
What could Aegon say? That he despised you because she loved you? The words would only get him slapped harder.
Instead, a dangerous idea rears its head. One so dark and twisted that the very thought of it had probably damned his soul.
He waits until dinner, to speak it aloud to the only other Targaryen who understands.
~
You sit at the opposite end of the table, clothed in emerald green. A colour that emphasised the way Aegon and Aemond felt about you.
Aemond hated the way the jewels sat on your skin, he wanted to cover them in your blood, slit your throat open and watch in satisfaction as you struggled to speak another word.
You laugh at something King Viserys says, and Aegon yearns to watch you cry.
Finally, he turns to his brother.
"Killing her is not enough. I want her very name tainted." Aegon whispers.
Aemond smiles at the thought.
"What do you have in mind?" He asks.
Aegon thinks for a minute.
"What's worse that getting her pregnant out of wedlock?" Aegon asks.
Aemond already has the answer prepared.
"Making her want it." Aemond supplies easily.
Aegon looks over at his brother in surprise.
"I don't know why I get called mother's worst child when you're more devious than me."
Aemond sips his mead, deep in thought.
"That's because you always get caught."
Aegon laughs.
~
You'd managed to ignore the princes tonight, having tormented them enough for the day, you only sit back and enjoy dinner peacefully.
You listen to the stories Alicent's father, Otto, weaves, and you smile along or laugh politely where necessary. You explain the landscape of Dorne when asked, and you tell them about some of the customs.
You leave out the customs you know they'd find appalling, they could never hope to understand the way Dorne holds the pleasures of the body as an important aspect of life. That you'd read books on pleasure enhancement alongside your history books when you were ready for it. Your virginity had only remained intact because of your status, as a formality to your future husband, should he be someone outside of Dorne. You knew that these people would never understand that. There was too much currency placed on a young woman's maidenhead for your liking.
You blink, refocusing, realising that your eyes have been locked onto Aegon's face the entire time. He smiles, leaning in to say something to his brother while still looking at you.
It makes you a little nervous. What could they possibly be talking about? No doubt some plot to get back at you.
You liked the idea more than you cared to admit. Aemond was gorgeous and calculating, Aegon made you burn with your desire for him. You shouldn't be thinking this way of either man.
When dinner is finished, you find your way to the library with a cup of ale. The place is almost empty at this time of night, and you enjoy the feeling of being alone and reading books by candlelight.
The words are funnier when you're inebriated, and you enjoy reading the thoughts of maesters who have clearly missed the points of the subjects they're speaking about.
When you hear the door to the library close and locks, you look up in surprise.
"Prince Aemond." You greet, standing, bowing your head in acknowledgement. When you notice his older brother behind him, you nod your head again, "Prince Aegon."
Both men look like they're up to no good.
"Princess Martell," Aegon says happily, "reading so late at night?"
"Uh, yes, I'm- actually I was just finishing up." You say, looking back at the books sitting on the table.
"Oh, there's no need, sit with us, we'd like to see what you're reading."
You don't get a chance to protest, finding yourself sitting on the wooden bench with Aemond on your left and Aegon on your right, both men closing you in.
"Is this yours?" Aegon asks, gripping the half filled cup of ale, taking a sip before you can open your mouth to affirm. He puts it down beside you, and you swallow when he leans closer.
You try to lean away but Aemond is a solid wall behind you, and you find that you can't move too far away from Aegon.
"Don't you hate when people don't know their place, Princess?" Aegon asks, and you swallow when he rests his warm hands on your knees. You don't push them off, not wanting to be disrespectful too soon.
"I'm not sure what you mean." You say softly.
"No? I can give an example." He sighs, smiling still, when you try to turn away from him, his fingers hold onto your knees harder to keep your attention.
"Aemond here is a Prince of the seven kingdoms. Third in line to the throne, rides the largest dragon in the world." Aegon's eyes illuminate with amusement, "Do you think he should act as a sellsword because the Princess of little shithole wills it so?"
You swallow, the level of trouble you're in finally sinks into your head.
"I only asked-"
"-You only asked," Aegon hisses, "and my mother agreed." He reaches up to grip your jaw, "What sway you must have on her, what influence."
You raise your hands to push him away, but before you can, Aemond has grabbed your wrists and pinned them behind you. You make a little sound of surprise, wiggling in an attempt to get out of his iron grip to no avail.
You turn your head to the side, taking your jaw out of Aegon's grip angrily.
"How dare you put your hands on me." You say lowly, struggling still in Aemond's grip, his breath in your ear, "Let me go."
Aegon laughs.
"It's time you learned, Princess, that you cannot have everything you want."
When Aegon kisses your collarbone, you gasp in surprise. He tugs your night dress a little lower so that he can trail his mouth from one clavicle to the other.
"Stop this, Aegon." You plead, trying to pull away from him.
"What's the matter, Princess?" Aemond whispers in your ear, your heart picking up its pace at the sound of his voice, "Don't like being taken advantage of?"
You whine.
"A little help, brother?" Aegon asks, and you feel Aemond's hand grip your jaw, turning your head.
You make a quiet sound of displeasure when Aegon presses his lips to yours. You try to shake both men off but it doesn't work.
Aegon laughs into your mouth, clearly enjoying your discomfort. Automatically, you begin to kiss back, trying to grab any semblance of control you have.
Aegon's lips are soft and plush, he's gentle and commanding with his mouth all at once. It's easy to get lost in it, to forget where you are when you have his tongue pressing into your mouth to trace over yours.
You hum in bliss, getting lost and enjoying it,  only being brought back into your body when Aemond laughs in your ear.
"She likes it." He says when Aegon breaks the kiss, "What a whore." Aemond teases.
Your mouth drops open, you begin to struggle in his grip once again.
"Let me go." You grunt, and you try to pretend that hearing both brothers laugh lowly at you doesn't bring on a spike of arousal.
Aegon's eyes devour you, roaming over your body. His tongue traces over his bottom lip, and you feel like nothing more that a feast for the prince.
"Aemond," he says, eyes still caught on your chest, "Your knife."
Fear squeezes your throat.
"No way," you breathe, beginning to struggle when Aemond pulls a knife from his belt and gives it, hilt forward to Aegon.
You're panting, swearing, wriggling, but Aemond's grip is too tight, and you can't seem to get away.
It doesn't take much for Aegon to rip the front of your dress open. You suck in a deep breath to scream and Aemond quickly claps a hand over your mouth. You grunt behind it as you feel your nipples pepple in response to the open air.
"Fuck." Aegon breathes, and you close your eyes shut to avoid the way he admires you.
The knife drops on the table, you whimper behind Aemond's hand when you feel his brother cup your breasts.
"She is... as magnificent as I thought she'd be." He whispers in reverence.
You jerk when he pinches one of your nipples gently.
You don't see his head dip, but the next thing you know, his tongue laves lazily over your breast.
You can't resist a muffled moan.
You give another shake of your shoulders, not trying as hard to escape Aemond's grip.
You can feel your toes curl in your shoes, Aegon is gentle and precise and you shiver at the feel of his hands and his tongue on your body.
When you can do nothing more than relax, Aemond takes the opportunity to tilt your head to the side so that he can meld his lips to yours too.
It's almost too much, one Prince licking over your breasts, swirling his tongue over your skin, the other, delving his tongue deep into the hollows of your mouth, redefining every thought in your head. Your eyes closed shut, trying not to enjoy the rapt attention you're being given.
Aegon pinches your nipples firmly and you gasp in pain, swiveling your head to meet his eyes in betrayal, but all he does is lean forward and capture your lips.
"You don't have to do this." You whisper, as Aemond kisses your throat and Aegon kisses your lips.
"I do, Princess. You give me no choice." Aegon answers and you don't get a chance to respond as you feel Aemond's teeth sink into the skin of your neck.
Your entire body shudders, with bliss you can't process, you shake violently, pressed between both men.
"I think the whore likes being marked." Aemond observes. You whimper in disagreement.
Aegon cups your cheek, leaning in so that he's almost hovering above you. You look up at him with pleading eyes, he tilts your head so that he can see the mark Aemond has placed on you.
"What will they think, Princess," Aegon tuts, "When they see you all marked up tomorrow? How quickly my mother will cast you out."
"N-no. Please-"
"If only you'd been nicer, less of a brat. Maybe we could have gotten along."
He turns your head back to face him.
"Open your mouth."
You frown, shaking your head.
"Aemond." He says, and you feel a hand on your jaw, squeezing tightly and you can't help the little sob that leaves your throat.
Aegon reaches for the cup of mead. He takes a long sip just as Aemond works your jaw open.
Aegon leans in, and you squeeze your eyes shut as he lets the mead from his mouth slip past his lips and into yours.
Aemond chuckles behind you, clamping your mouth shut, and covering your mouth and nose with his large hand in an attempt to force you to swallow.
You do, gasping for air when he takes his hand away, not liking the sound of their devilish laughter at all.
"I'm going to kill you both." You hiss.
It only makes them laugh more.
"Hear that, brother?" Aegon says, reaching to cup your breasts in both hands and press them together, "She just threatened us."
"I do believe that counts as treason." Aemond murmurs.
"To which the punishment is death, but I'm sure we can come to some arrangement, can't we, Princess?" Aegon follows, his fingertips tracing down your ribs.
He grips the material of your skirt in his hands, bunching it up until it sits on your waist. Though you wriggle, he puts his weight on your legs, stopping you from kicking him away.
He pulls at your undergarments, reaching for the knife to cut them away, you whine, trying to garner some pity.
Next, he's pulling at your legs, until you're lying on the bench, Aemond holds your hands above your head, your body situated between his spread thighs.
You try to kick at Aegon, worried that he's about to take your virginity, but all he does when he spreads your legs is look.
After a moment, he laughs.
"How wet you are, Princess." He praises, you gasp when his thumb swipes over your little bud.
He takes his time, which is way worse that him being rough, his thumb rubbing at your center, pleasure swimming through your senses, until your thoughts are muddled. You sigh, mewling when he leans down, kissing the tops of your thighs.
This wasn't something you were aware men outside of Dorne could do.
Aegon is soft, doesn't rush his kisses on your skin and you wished you could pull your skirts out of the way to get a proper look at him between your thighs.
You definitely stop struggling when he presses his tongue to your center. Your mouth parts in surprise. Was this supposed to be a punishment?
You look up at Aemond, who hovers above, looking down at you with something akin to amusement. You close your mouth, trying to mask the way you feel from him.
As if that was ever possible.
"How does she taste?" Aemond asks, and you burn with the way he talks about you like you're not in the room.
It takes Aegon a moment to raise his head from between your legs.
"Like nectar." Is all he says, burying his face in your cunt once more.
He licks you till you're trembling, his tongue dancing on your heated centre, your thighs wrapped around his head. The candles that you'd brought in with you have been significantly burned down, and you can only speculate that it's somewhere near midnight, and yet, Aegon keeps tasting you, drinking from your centre in an almost desperate manner that makes you want to moan.  You bite your lip so hard to stop from making any sound that you can almost taste the iron of your blood.
All the while, Aemond looks at you, his eyes devour every expanse of your skin and you think that his eyes alone is stimulating enough, but then he's reaching out, fingertips tentatively grazing your soft breast.
His touches grow more firm, and he's rolling one stiff nipple between his fingers before moving over to the next.
You whimper, kicking your legs in useless frustration. Aegon's tongue begins moving faster and you can't fight either brother and at this point you don't want to.
Your orgasm knocks the breath from your lungs, you feel your womb clench deliciously as pleasure swims through your system. You make pitiful noises of pleasure, hands in tight fists, trembling as both boys pause their torment.
After a moment, you feel your senses slowly begin to come back to you.
"The way you gush Princess," Aegon murmurs, eyes still locked on your center, "puts whores to shame."
A sad, needy sound leaves your lips. You can feel an indent on the inside of your lip where you'd been biting a little too forcefully.
"What do you think, Aemond?" The prince asks, "Has she been used well enough today?"
The man in question looks down at you, finally releasing his grip on your arms.
You don't move, confused at what they planned to do now. Would they take turns fucking you?
"I think she has." Aemond says, breaking you out of your desperate thoughts.
Before you can register anything, both Princes have stood, leaving the room with soft steps, closing the door behind them.
You sit up, confused and disgruntled and wondering what happened to make them stop. It takes you a moment before the horror of realisation overtakes you.
What had just happened?
.
.
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idcbabyialreadylostmymind · 2 years ago
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Rude (Tsireya version)
Pairing- Tsireya x reader
Summary- Trying to get Tonowari to accept you to ask him for his blessing to be his daughters mate.
A/N- this took to fucking long to write just for it to be short as hell 😭 also it's inspired by the song not based yfm
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You and Tsireya looked into each other's eyes before smiling, today was the day you finally asked Tonowari permission to mate your daughter. You were in love with her more than you've loved anyone in the world.
You walk away from her hopeful smile on her face. You walk in front of the man, he had been walking home after a short day. "Hello sir I had to ask you a question." You begin and he nods his head slowly as his eyes float to Tsireya who was basically jumping out of her skin. "May I mate with your daughter." You say and his usual smile dropped. "No, you are not good enough for my daughter, you do not have my blessing." He said before leaving and bringing Tsireya with him.
You slumped down and then Lo'ak say next to you as did Neteyam. "I'm sorry Y/N but what does my dad say there are plenty of dishes in the sea-" you put your hand in front of his face silencing him. "I'll just have to prove that the love I hold for her is true. I'll have to work twice as hard. Tsireya is the only one I love and I'll prove it."
The two boys had no idea what you meant but they would soon see.
You worked twice as hard as everything.
Now when hunting, you now always bring back the most catch. When training, you were top of your class every time. You learned about every single clan's. You brought Tsireya everything and anything she could wish for. You did everything and you mean everything in your power to prove that you would be the best mate to Tsireya, the only mate that would worship her and care for her as she rightfully should be. And yet he wouldn't budge.
You waited in agony as he wouldn't even acknowledge your existence. You and Tsireya never saw each other as you tried to win her father into good graces. And Tsireya has had enough of not being with you.
"They are not good enough for you." He said to Tsireya he did not want to argue with his daughter but she seemed persistent to get him to fold. "How, how are they not? I love them. Truly love them and you do not seem to want me to be happy. And they love me. It's like you want to control me." She pleads to her father. It was true she loved you with every fiber of her being, if it's not you then she doesn't want anyone.
He sighs. "I do not want to control you, I want you to be happy, but it's just too soon for you to mate." He says and Tsireya exhales deeply . " Father, I am one of the people and I am in love." She says Smalley and Tonowari shakes his head up and down. "They are quite persistent when it comes to proving themselves." He says to his daughter who smiles at the thought of you and all the work you've put into this week. "Yes, yes they are."
The next day you stood up out of bed and you were fueled with anger.
Tonowari didn't acknowledge you, didn't even allow Tsireya to speak to you, did not give you a chance to prove yourself. And you marched your way to the Olo'eyktans hut and he was already waiting for you. But the anger inside you told you not to listen to the words he was about to say.
"Sir I love your daughter and I do not care if you think I am not good enough because she thinks I am enough and that, she is enough for me so you can disagree with us all you want. I do not care because I will be happy, I will be with the love of my life." You say in one breath. The older man looked taken back as you breathed hard and a tear fell from your eyes and you wiped it sniffling a little.
"I know." He says and your face fell from one of anger to one of shook. "Oh." You whisper before your eyes widen. "Oh!" You say smile wide on your face. Tonowari only nodded and a small smile ghosted his lips as you had a look of pure happiness on your face.
Tsireya walked out and looked between the two of you. She seemed concerned about why you were smiling so hard. "Daughter," he began to say. "I give you my blessing." He said and tears swelled in her eyes as they did yours. He walked away as you grabbed her off of her feet and into a bear hug. You kissed her neck "That tickles." She giggles as you put her down and give her a deep kiss that you wished you didn't have to pull away from.
"I love you so, so much. Tsireya said as she cried, wiping the tears from her eyes you hold her, I'm your arms as the sun shined upon you. "I love you, forever and always.
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slutforaemond · 2 years ago
Text
Glowering Daggers
Aemond x fem! reader(Targaryen) | SMUT
Link to part 2
Warning ⚠️:minors don't interact, filth, loads of filth,incest (niece x uncle),little bit of blood, angst, unrequited feelings, dagger play (?)
(reader is the daughter of Rhanaerya)
A/n: I'm very new to Tumblr and am still learning my way around, so i had already posted this drabble previously as a reblog accidentally. So IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS DRABBLE TWICE I'M SORRY. ಥ‿ಥ
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"Let. Me. Go."
Your voice hissed in the dark hallway devoid of any presence except for you and your captor.
Maybe it was your fault you ended up here. Maybe you had gone too far in your attempts to rile up your uncle. In your defence you were only siding up with your brothers as your uncle insulted them.
But never once you thought you'd end up like this ; pressed so dangerously close to Aemond, with his hands wrapped around your pulsating throat as he looked at you with a menacing grin.
" Why should I,my dear niece?" His deep voice drawled out. "Give me one reason why I should not slash your eye out as a payment for what your little cunt of a brother did to me." He spat out, venom lacing his words.
"If you wish to do that then get done with. What the fuck are you waiting for you coward." You retorted with equal animosity to match his. "Why stop at eye, why not slash out my throat while you're at it."
His face was illuminated only by the faint flickering light of distant torches. The dance of light and shadows making his violet eye look like a raging tempest.
Aemond unsheathed his knife with a movement so swift, you would've have missed if you blinked.
He twirled the knife around in elegant circles, the gleam of the blade flashing in your eyes. You watched his long fingers work their way around the hilt in a way that made the dagger seem like an extension of his own being, that he could control by mere will of his mind.
Even while your life was at the mercy of the white maned prince's hands, you couldn't help but admire his mesmerizing skills.
Aemond seemed to have deciphered your thoughts as was evident from his cocky smirk. He brought the tip of the blade just below your chin, lifting your face up to get your attention back at his face.
Your breathing quickened, but to your horror you weren't scared, you were thrilled.
He dragged the blade painfully slow towards your bottom lip with just enough pressure to cause slight pain but not pierce your skin.
His eye set on your plump lip as his dagger dented it's middle.
Aemond could've killed you right there, but the only thing that was going through his mind was your intoxicatingly sweet smell. He willed his mind to hate you with every fiber in his body, but to no avail. With each passing day he seemed to grow more and more obsessed with his own niece. As much as he loathed your bastard brothers, he couldn't harbour the same feelings towards you. Your childhood friendship was still so alive in his memory. And now that you had grown up to become the finest lady he had ever set his eyes upon, his mind was constantly tormented by visuals of your body, by your melodious voice (even though anything that voice directed towards him were spits of fire), your chestnut brown hair, and your fiery eyes.
The irony of him being obsessed with you for the same reasons he hated those bastards , drove him crazy.
The feeling of softness of your body pressed against his hard one was like a drug to him. You didn't know it but he was exercising every last drop of his will to control his animalistic instincts to fuck you like a savage right there .
"Oh yes I could kill you sweetheart. But I shall save that fate for your beloved brothers. For you I have some very different plans love."
Your heart was thumping so loud you were sure Aemond could hear it. His insinuation was not lost on you. But instead of curling up with disgust, your nether regions throbbed deliciously at the prospect of his threats.
You hated yourself for it. No matter how venomous your words directed towards your uncle are, you couldn't lie to yourself about the fact that you secretly pined for this man and that your heart still ached for your destroyed and long forgotten friendship. You couldn't deny how deliciously handsome he had grown up to be. Even now, you couldn't help but admire his long and sharp jaw, his pointed nose and curved lips.
His blade now pressed a bit deeper, drawing out a trickle of crimson blood from your lips to match the colour of your gown.
You glared at him.
"Tell me now love, if I decide to wreck body and rob you of all your virtues, how would your family react?" He was now practically grinning, his eye still focused on your lip. "I can already picture their pathetic reactions. We would love to see that now wouldn't we?"
"Get the fuck off me. Don't you dare touch me." You hissed.
"Oh but I already am , aren't I?" He said with a malicious chuckle.
His removed his blade only to bring it down on your body again; now gingerly tracing your curves till he reached your waist.
He observed the trail of blood dripping onto your cleavage from your chin with a hunger that made you press your thighs tight.
"Hmm" his rumbling voice made you tremble.
He turned his blade around to make the blunt end of the hilt face your body. With one hand he bunched up your gown to expose your lower body and slipped his other hand beneath.
You gasp loudly at his brash action. "Aemond! What do you think you're doing?!" You exclaimed.
He let his fingers brush your dripping cunt and let out a deep cocky chuckle.
"Look you my dear niece. Is this what your true feelings are? Dripping like a whore for the uncle you hate so much ?"
You could hear the glee in his voice as heat crept up your cheeks making them almost as red as the blood oozing from your lip.
"Shut up." You grimaced at your own pathetic response.
You suddenly felt a cold touch in your nether regions and with a sharp intake of breath you realised he pressed the hilt of his dagger to your swollen clit.
You look at him with wide eyes only to find amusement dancing in his.
He gently pressed it earning a moan out of your lips. Horrified at yourself, you were too embarrassed to even face him now, so you turned your face sideways.
Aemond was enjoying your reactions way too much for his own good. Your delectable moans and ripe red cheeks made his cock strain painfully against his pants.
He drew circles on your clit causing a string of involuntary lewd sounds from you. You had no control of your body anymore, as you rotated your hips to feel the dagger on all the right places, seeking for relief.
Aemond almost losing all his self control seeing your condition, pressed his nose at the side of your jaw. You felt his hot tongue slide across your skin.
You breathing was so loud , you were afraid someone was sure to overhear your filthy interactions with this devious man.
Aemond suddenly withdrew his dagger, making you look at him with surprise. Was this his way of punishing you?
The only reply you got was his huge grin as pressed his fingers against your slippery wet clit.
He brought his dagger up to slash the front of your gown, making your breasts spill out in a slight bounce.
You could only whine in protest as your energy slowly seeped out due to his exploits.
Aemond actually salivated looking at your soft breasts , now staring back at him with stiff peaks. The blood trickling down from your lips to chin and finally between your mounds of soft plump flesh made him practically growl with lust.
He then placed the dagger at your entrance, adjusting it's tip on your rims.
"Aemond no! S-stop p-lease." You exclaim on realising what he was about to do.
"That doesn't sound so convincing love." He replied with a sadistic humour wrapping his words.
And you agreed, even though you wouldn't say that out loud.
His fingers now moved at lightening speed on your cunt as he simultaneously pushed the hilt deep inside you.
Your moans became louder and louder with each passing second; and on the threat of them turning to screams, Aemond sealed your mouth in a searing kiss. He swallowed your slutty moans as his tongue lashed out on every corner of your mouth.
He savoured your sweet lilac scent mixed with the iron smell of the blood on your lips.
You couldn't believe just how turned on you were with a dagger inside you. It's cold feel on your warm insides was deriliously exciting and made you shiver all over. You could feel the the intricate designs of it scraping on your vaginal walls as he rotated it inside you ever so slowly. Your knuckles turned white from the pressure of holding onto his shoulders so hard for support as your body grew weak.
You clenched around the hardness as you were drawn extremely close to climax by the work of Aemond's swift and precise fingers.
Aemond seemed to sense it as he detached his his lips from yours and he took in your expression with a wide grin that was now bloodied from kissing your cut lips.
Your eyes rolled back and breath hitched in your throat as you came hard; thrashing so violently, Aemond had to press down on you against the wall.
Your wetness covered his entire hand that was holding the dagger which now fell out due to the sheer slipperyness of your spent cunt.
You saw him licking your milky release from his dagger with a long swipe of his tongue while maintaining eye contact with you with a maniacaly lustful look. The act was almost enough to get your overstimulated cunt be ready to get ravaged again by your uncle.
"I hate you." You breathed out weakly as you collapsed on him, all your strength leaving your body.
"I hate you too, sweetheart." Aemond said as he pulled in your body gently too him.
Were you mistaken or did you hear an underlying softeness in his voice; a familiar fondness that you had last heard ages ago?
Whatever it was your mind was too scattered to form any coherent thoughts as you heaved into the crook of his neck while he carried you off to where you didn't know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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neonpaperlanterns · 4 months ago
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Sometimes I wish I kept better track of what I ramble about and how many times I've rambled about it.
Like these rambles, I wish I kept better track of em so I would know if I sent too much or if I actually only sent a few in my dreams. Dreams are weird.
That's not my neighbor little story request.
Since I am absolutely in love with Monstrous protector. Think you could do a little story of the doorman being a Doubleganger?
Them just perfecting their look each morning, stepping outside their room to say hi to their neighbors and heading on downstairs.
Little bit of them battling their instincts to feed or kill the humans around them. Gets momentarily found out by a double who'll beg them to open the door, maybe excitedly stating how easy it would be... How tempting it is.
After the day is over, doorman goes home to their knowing roommate who gives them some... Food. To get his energy up.
The only real reason I can think on why doubles would wanna kill humans so badly is like how vampires work.
Hope you are having a wonderful day with One piece strangling ya with laughter!
-Sunny Anon.
[A/n: Which world would you rather live in? One with aliens that take on our forms to kill us or one were a toy company went unchecked and committed the horrors? Also I have been dying to write for that's not my neighbor so thank you!]
[part two]
The Doorman
Their awake before the alarm goes off. Pushing themselves up they flinch when their feet make contact with the cold floor. Toes curling slightly as they contemplate crawling back into bed.
But they can hear Sunny in the kitchen. The smell of sizzling meat and coffee gradually start to fill the apartment. So reluctantly they shuffle across the hardwood, regretting their own hubris of rejecting the slippers their roommate had gotten them. And now they had to live with it.
"Good morning " They croak out as they enter the kitchen.
"Oh mor-!" Sunny cuts off with a jump, their eyes wide as they bump into the counter.
"What's wrong?" They ask, brow furrowing in confusion as the reach out a steadying hand. Elongated nails and sickly green skin with a spiderweb of black veins reaches out for Sunny. They halt in their movements, mouth falling open as they stare at their arm.
"I'm sorry I didn't...." They trail off, worry weaving its way through their tone as they look at themselves.
"No don't be." Sunny is yanking open the fridge, the sound of clicking bottles and tupperware dragging across glass fills the room.
"I didn't meant to react like that. It's been so long that it took me by surprise." A container is being placed on the counter and pushed towards them.
"Are you alright though? This isn't normal." They didn't know what to tell them. Sunny was right, this wasn't normal. There were few incidences that would cause them to revert back to their original form. But as far as they knew none of this had occured.
"Maybe you should call in sick today." Sunny suggested, their gaze filled with concern. Shaking their head, they popped open breakfast.
"I can't. We don't have any replacements right now." An metallic scent wafted up from the container, its contents made their gums pulse. Teeth ached to tear into the meat but they restrained themselves. Instead grabbing a fork like a person. A cup of coffee slid across ceramic as Sunny sighed.
"I still think you should. Just to be safe." Sunny grumbled and they couldn't help a grin that tugged at their mouth. Getting up they placed their hands on Sunny's shoulders.
"And I just want to keep you safe. So I have to go to work." Their friend frowned at them.
"I just worry, ya know?" They knew, they worried too. And that's why no matter what they had to go to work.
Sitting at the desk they were hyper aware of the fabric that covered their skin. Of every last fiber of hair. Of their tongue. Of every time the blinked. How many teeth they had.
It was maddening.
"Your ID?" They inquired, tongue rolling as their throat felt full of wool.
"Oh yes of course." Ms. Stone's voice was drowned out by the steady beat of her heart. They could see it pulsing in her neck. Could practically taste the organ as they gripped their knee. Puncturing holes in the pants that they are sure Sunny would complain about later.
"I'm terribly sorry." She said as she slipped her identification through the slot. Their hand shook as they gave it cursory once over. They knew she was real but appearances must be kept.
"Thank you." They pushed the entry button a bit too aggressively but Ms. Stone didn't seem to notice. Jabbing the close button they ran a hand down their face. Their breathing labored.
This wasn't okay.
What was wrong with them?
"Excuse me." A bored sounding voice drawled from the other side of the glass. Snapping their head up, a friendly smile at the ready they stopped.
"Oh my stars." The thing wearing Nacha Mikaelys face gazed at them. Eyes uncomfortably wide as a grin that showed too many teeth spread across its face.
"You're inside." It was awed as its hand came to rest upon the glass. Leaning closer its breath fogged up the pane.
"Let me in." Its tone dripped with poisoned honey. They knew what would happen if they hit that green button. And they wanted to, oh they wanted to. It's been so long. They could find Ms. Stone and sink their teeth into her jugular. Her heart beat no longer steady as they ripped her throat out. The taste of fresh, warm, tangy blood made their head spin.
It's. Been. So. Long.
Was that what was wrong with them?
That they have been denying something so fundamental to their species that they were coming apart at the seams?
They should let them in. Do what they were meant to do. It would be easy and normal and it would feel so good.
But then the worried face of Sunny popped into their head. Freezing their hand in place. If they let them in Sunny would not be safe. They would have failed their job. The one thing they are risking everything for.
A vicious snarl left the other as they smashed the emergency alarm. The shutter closing as they painstakingly dialed 3312. They could hear it's fists banging as it screeched something truly unholy.
Swallowing down the bile that threatened to choke them they tried to breath. They could hold out a bit longer. They could do that for Sunny. After all it was their job.
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seradae · 9 months ago
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The following is an extremely rambling personal post
I came out as a trans woman when I was 32. Before then, I had identified as genderfluid for ages, but it was more how I felt than the way I presented. To virtually everyone, I was a man, and I was okay with that. Sort of.
While I had known GNC and trans folks growing up, it wasn't something I knew much about, and I certainly didn't consider it as an option. Even if I had spent a decade online "pretending" to be a woman and playing one in every game I could. Hell, I even had a name picked out (Erica), but it was fantasy... Right?
I first seriously considered transitioning when I was 18. At the time, I was friends with a whole bunch of furries, all of whom were queer and many of whom were trans (and all the ones I still keep up with have since come out as some flavor of trans). They were able to answer my questions, and ask me the right ones to make me realize that no, not everyone feels the way I do. Not everyone wishes with every fiber of their being that they had been AFAB. Not everyone thinks about whether they're worthy of feeling right in their body.
I spent so much time thinking about it, and frankly I knew it was what I wanted, but I also thought I knew why it was impossible. Why it was a terrible idea. Not because I wasn't a woman, but for two very specific reasons.
Reason #1: My business partner at the time (I was doing the tech startup thing) and closest friend was a massive transphobe. Unashamedly so. His influence left me with a ton of internalized transphobia, and I knew that it would be the end of that relationship. When I came out on Facebook 14 years later, I blocked him that day so I wouldn't have to see the vitriol.
Reason #2: I thought I would be an ugly woman. Or worse, that I'd look like an ugly man trying to look like a woman. In retrospect, this was a dumb reason, and seeing a post to the effect of "if the thing holding you back from transitioning is that you think you'd be an ugly woman, you're already a woman" was actually a huge part of what spurred me to finally do it. I never liked my face, never liked my skin, never liked my body. Untangling the body dysmorphia from gender dysphoria is still an ongoing process for me, but I feel better about my body now than I ever have before.
So, I'm 32 and I'm a baby trans woman. I don't know shit, but I have an incredibly supportive wife to help me explore myself and learn who I am. I have all these wonderful resources, and things are going well. But I am absolutely full of regret that I can't shake.
Every day, I oscillate between two states: wishing I had transitioned earlier, and knowing that I wouldn't have the life I have now if I had. I knew I couldn't rewind time and change things, but I still felt guilty. I have a wife and kid that I love and wouldn't trade for anything, but I kept thinking about the opportunities I missed.
I thought often about what it could've been like to experience my first makeup (aside from some simple gothy eyeliner and black nail polish) as a teen. Sleepovers with girl friends. Shopping for clothes that would've made me feel comfortable and happy.
I'm sure I would've faced hell, but I already was. I was a depressed kid, bullied throughout my school years, the first out and proud bisexual in a rural high school, fat, and awkward as fuck. But I could've hated myself less, or at least differently.
But a few years in, I don't feel these same regrets anymore. I might not be a teenager, but it doesn't make those firsts any less special. I get to experience them with my loving wife. I get to experience them with money, which is a far cry from my childhood. I get to experience them with the knowledge of how far I've come, and that I fucking made it.
I didn't think I would make it to 18. I didn't think I would make it to 21. I knew I wouldn't make it to 25, for sure. And now I'm closer to 50 than I am 21, even if I've got a ways to go. While I can't see the future, I can say that if I don't make it there, it won't be at my own hand. That's not something I would've been able to say before.
I still think about the "what if"s. It's impossible not to. But I don't regret my transition timeline anymore. I am living my damn life and I'm living it well. It's a good time to be me. Every day is; even the hard ones.
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raijae · 2 years ago
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Red Snow
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Summary: Alice is controlled by another being and does the unthinkable.
Word Count: 651
Warnings: Mentions of blood and violence
Tags: @flowerslut @twilight-secret-gift-exchange
Event: Twilight Secret Santa Gift Exchange
A/N- This is my fic account I enetered into the event with my other account @flesh--amnesiac I sincerely apologize for the late secret santa gift. This secret santa was ho-ho-horrible this year and should be put on the naughty list. For 10 plis years. Tumblr erased my original fic and moodboard that was queued and set to post on the 25 whilst I was on vacation. I came back this morning to find that nothing was posted. I had to rewrite it and honestly I wish I could've given you the long fic you deserved. It's a lot different and shorter than the original idea/work but nonetheless I hope you enjoy it. I am truly sorry.
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He expected death to come for him at some point. Maybe in the form of Maria coming to take him back into her cold dead grasp. Maybe in the form of the Volturi trying to take his heart, Alice, away. But he never in his wildest dream thought it'd be by her hands.
Her beautiful delicate hands. The hands that once touched him so softly despite not needing to. The hands that comforted him at his worst instead of pushing him away. That touched him with such love and adoration. The hand that would tangle themselves in his hair. The same delicate hands that were now dripping a mixture of red and black onto the wet snow covered ground next to his head.
Nothing could have prepared him for this. Fate had finally decided it was time for him to pay for all that he had done in the cruelest way posssible. Alice stood above him drenched in blood and vemon. She was looking down at him, her eyes feral and as dark as vantablack. Her body was rigid like that of a wild beast it contrasted greatly to her normal carefree demeanor. The rage that radiated off her was thick and suffocating.
He couldn't do anything, for the first time he was at a loss. He couldn't bring himself to fight back not with the possibility of her coming back to him. There was always a possibility, he'd seen it happen before. Although, the chances of coming out of this alive were slim to none. Looking up at her, he couldn't help but think her rage was the most beautiful site he had ever seen.
"Alice... darling... please... hear me... come back to me..." he said his voice strained. She didn't respond it was as if he never spoke a word.
"Please, Alice, I can't fight you. I won't. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I maimed you. Please, darling, come back to me." He tried again but this time she had grabbed him by the neck. He tried to move but she just kept catching up to him. Whoever or whatever was controlling her made her faster and stronger than ever. He grit his teeth as she began to squeeze slow and hard. He could feel each and every crack that formed on his pale scarred skin.
He knew this was going to be it. He wouldn't and couldn't stop her. He would let her kill him if it meant he was alive. He knew the rest of the clan would take care of her. Once he was dead the spell would be broken and all control would be obsolete.
"Alice if you can hear me..... just know that this isn't your fault..... I wouldn't have wanted it to end any other way........ You being the last thing I see is the only thing I want...... I love you with every fiber of my being.....more than life itself..... Please just live for me........ I'm sorry I couldn't stop this.... that I wasn't strong enough to-"
Five days later Alice awoke from what she could only assume was some type of sleep. Carlisle was the first to greet her. He wore his usual calm smile but his eyes held something resembling sorrow in them. She assumed it was due to her current state. She also noticed that she couldn't see. Maybe her powers weren't fully there yet? He checked her reflexes and asked her a few questions which confused her. It was then that she realized Jasper wasn't in the room and she couldn't sense him anywhere.
"Carlisle? Where's Jasper?" She asked as she looked out the window. She hadn't noticed his sudden shift in demeanor or that Edward and Bella had walked into the room. When she turned around it hit her and then everything went blank. The last thing she saw was Bella rushing at her.
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arealdisappointment · 4 months ago
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Ay yo, you know what I love about Tumblr the fact that you can just do stuff and I'm bored it's 1am and I'm losing my marbles cuz my parents didn't pay for therapy, take some stuff from the note I have saved in my phone called don't trust your mind past 9pm
(all of these are separate)
I think my whole purpose in life is to hate myself, i was made out of a false sense of love and how can you love something thats not real, something made out of lies? It has come time again that i try to reinvent myself because the only thing that consumes my every waking thought is that i hate myself and i will continue to hate myself until i can find a version of me that is worth love. The version of me that is worthwhile the version of me that is enough for you. And while it drives me insane it is the only thing that allows me to keep my sanity.
I miss my mom, and whats so heartbreaking is the fact that i look nothing like her in my day to day life. There is very little reflection of the woman who made me in myself. But over time I've noticed one thing, when i cry and when i am at my lowest i see her in my reflection. I see it in the way my eyes gloss over with unshed tears and the way my mouth curves in a frown as i try desperately to keep my voice from breaking. I see her so clearly im the way my brows furrow together in anger at how unfair the word is. I see it in the way my dimples come out of hiding, and the way the edges of my face soften. I see her when i am in pain and when my anguish and anger are no longer contained inside me, the way i assume she existed because despite the fact that she is my mother, i know next to nothing about her.
There is something so pathetic in the sense of desperately wanting, needing, begging to be loved and admired and wanting to love yourself. How is it that I've hated every aspect of myself since early childhood. I guess ive always known that I'd never amount even a fraction of what my peers were like.I haven't been able to look at myself in the mirror since i was a toddler . I am like an ugly beast trying to fool the world into believing that im just like them, trying to fool them into thinking that i am socially acceptable. No matter how much makeup you put on a pig it'll still be ugly. Theres nothing more that i want than to be loved, wanted, desired. I wish there was someone out there who could look at me and want me. In any way shape or form i wish to be loved. I crave validation like it's my only source of life, it fuels me but in a sick twisted way i will never be good enough for anyone. I sit desperate on my knees in front of god begging to be loved, to see the image that i was made in, to believe that im worth it. Every small mistake i make chips away at the armor ive so carefully crafted until the doubt and self loathing have infected me, till the belief that im worthless crawls under my skin and infrcts my very being. My mind corrupted with the idea of dying, if i cant find my worth here whats stopping me from looking on other planes.
"I wish there was someone in my life who I could lean on and tell me it's going to be okay and explain grief to me and walk me through it and hell even just let me cry and express my anguish and this pain that consumes every fiber of my being. Instead I am forced to listen to the sorrows of everyone around me. Forced to comfort those who only ignore my pain. I want my pain to be recognized too, does that make me selfish ? Am I a bad person for wanting to express my pain too? How much do I have to hurt in order to be seen. When will I ever be enough. Am I just meant to bottle everything up and let it eat me from the inside out. Why is it that no one is there for me the way I am there for them. What did I do so wrong in a past life to be forced to suffer alone and yet be surrounded by people"
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