#i wish to not be perceived at all
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#feels so weird coming back to tumblr after so many years#i grew up on this app#age 11 to now 28#this is the first time i stepped foot into the yr tumblr fandom after being on twt for so long#i feel welcomed home in a way#i love the older crowd and the intellect behind analysis posts and the nuanced way of thinking i can easily find on here#people arent afraid to speak their mind and share their thoughts and its beautiful#and the most wonderful part is that i can just peacefully blend into the background#which is a jarring difference from how i spent the past 2 years#also i am deeply afraid of finding my face on here#i did some wild things straight out of dreams but would like to crawl back into my hole now#being an adult with money and in a fandom is a whole new ballgame#it was really fun while it lasted but im ready for reality again#good news i just went on a deep dive and did not find any pics of myself#and im scrubbed clean from twt too as much as i could have#now if i find screenshots of my old twt posts thats a different story#i wish to not be perceived at all
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i am not understanding rick's thought process behind the characters consistent mockery of percy's intelligence. especially in light of knowing that the characters do value percy as a friend and demigod. he was the child of the prophecy. he jumped into the river styx to better prepare for defending olympus. he used his gods-given wish to build a better future for demigods. he plays an active role as camp counselor at chb and is a respected confidant at cj. he is evidently held in high regard in his absense. but the surrounding characters seem to treat his presence like a hinderance to their peace. it's rather disappointing to read.
#i realize that as the characters continue to grow and time continues to move forward#rick will introduce new narratives and dynamics in this series and i'm all for that#but i can't help to perceive this choice as a step backward#especially since we've seen characters value and commend percy for his skillset#i understand that percy can come across as paying little attention#but his actions over the years as a hero proves he knows what he's doing and his status as saviour of olympus is well-earned#i only wish his friends and girlfriend would acknowledge that on a consistent basis#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo text post#pjo#percy jackson#pjo critiques
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Y'ALL. Y'ALL so for a long time I've believed that "the sun" in Meursault's story is Carmen, and I went to check Hell's Chicken's dialogue to see exactly how he said that he'd dealt with distortions before, and... you know what else he said?
To my knowledge, it is a phenomenon where an individual morphs into a form often unfit to be considered “human”. It has no known causes, and the appearances were all different.
Unfit to be considered human.
Meursault, who, in his book, was judged by the court to be soulless.
Meursault, who has EGO for Cyborgs who have been so mutilated they barely act like people anymore; a murderer who was experimented on until ceasing to be human; a sheep named after Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, a novel about the humanity of androids and the inhumanity of humans; and now a rose that can't help its bloodsucking nature, based on Carmilla, a vampire whose story emphasized the duality between her vampiric traits and her human ones.
Meursault, who answered Heathcliff's ironic question of if he had metal for brains like this:
I'm placing my bets now, that line from Hell's Chicken is foreshadowing for Meursault's canto even more than "I have witnessed a number of [distortion] cases in the past" was
#limbus company#project moon#meursault#sorry of my info on carmilla is off i still havent read the book#me post#CLARIFYING IN THE TAGS: MEURSAULT IS HUMAN#it would be a disservice to his character and honestly pretty gross if he ended up not being human#the entire point is that he IS human and that other people perceive him as otherwise because of how he behaves#so I guess theoretically if he did distort it would exacerbate the issue?#extremely speculative but there are distortions who can behave pretty normally while distorted#like the marksman of the mist (and also some of the reverb ensemble but those people are all full of issues WAYYY bigger than marksman was)#if meursault was one of those...#someone calling him unfit to be human. it's fine it definitely won't leave a scar on his psyche#i think in his canto there might end up being something about how even though people don't see distortions as humans#distorting is a very human thing to do#anyway i think overall there's juxtaposition with him and don quixote#don isnt human and wishes she could be#meursault is human but people don't think he is#yknow despite my theories it would probably be more poignant if he DIDNT distort#them looking at him and assuming he only couldve done something like that if he distorted but he didnt#oh wait but the timeline... they probably wouldn't have known about how distorting works yet#nevermind back to the first idea#they ask why. he talks about a beautiful voice. no one knows about this yet and they all think there's something deeply wrong with him#'a beautiful voice convinced me' holds up in court about as well as 'the sun was too bright'
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Lance Stroll as the Nine of Cups:
An environment of luxury and emotional stability, where all available comforts await you. Indulging in all the joys that life has to offer you is signaled by this card, though at times there is a sense of smugness that comes from taking your situation for granted.
This card also symbolizes having your wish fulfilled. Achieving what you desire. Obtaining your goal. Getting what you think you want.
The nine of cups is directly related to the Hermit, card 9 of the Major Arcana. It therefore has an element of solitude about it. It's a card of emotional happiness and fulfilment which is enjoyed alone.
Tag list: @st-leclerc @rubywingsracing @saviour-of-lord @three-days-time @the-wall-is-my-goal @albonoooo @ch3rubd0lls
#LANCEEEEE#I won’t lie I’m a Lance fan#he’s literally. just a guy. phenomenal stuff.#I feel like this card is super self explanatory for Lance lol.#I don’t perceive this card negatively#not even associated with Lance like I think him being rich as fuck is just like. how it is LOL#but this card specifically is about wealth and loneliness#and Lance always seems very lonely? like he’s not a super social member of the grid#also this is all about wish fulfillment!!!#and it’s pretty clear at this point that Mr stroll will do whatever to fulfill Lance’s dreams (good for him)#Lance was originally the star#fun fact#but I thought it fit Pierre better and made a last second switch#f1#formula 1#f1blr#f1 fanart#formula one#f1 art#annie’s art#formula one fanart#formula 1 fanart#formulanni#lance stroll#ls18#f1 tarot#ix of cups
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claudia, resplendent
#claudia as madeleine perceived her 🥹😞#interview with the vampire#iwtv#iwtv claudia#amc iwtv#iwtv fanart#i wish i can save her in some sort of time machine. know all your enemies.
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I love how people are only ever interested in defending Arya's right to be weird-looking. It's never defending her intelligence from people who claim she's incapable of thinking for herself, highlighting her importance to the plot and refusing to see her as just a prop, acknowledging how much of her story gets stolen and given to other characters, talking about her trauma or how often it gets erased and overlooked, seeing her as more than just an attack dog/bodyguard, etc. Nope. It's just a "why can't people let Arya be ugly/unconventional looking? :(" post every other week because people are, for whatever reason, obsessed with how Arya is visually perceived. One of the most misinterpreted characters yet the issue is only ever with her being portrayed as "too pretty" or the wrong "type" of pretty. This fandom will entirely rewrite a character's motivations, values, and role in the story to the point that they consider references to canon "hate" but! The true injustice to canon is we acknowledge that she is described as pretty several times. Arya simply existing as her pretty, important, and non-conforming self is too complex and confusing for people to comprehend 😔.
#arya stark#asoiaf#fandom nonsense#how can Arya be considered pretty?! she's literally non-conforming?? being pretty belongs to /feminine/ female characters...right? 😱#I feel like these people tell on themselves with how much they value beauty because they make it /such/ a big deal#when her self-esteem issues regarding being a lady are infinitely more relevant to her story (and more interesting to discuss)#her being mocked for having the Stark look is a supporting story element that also reinforces her being an outcast considering#her mother + all of her trueborn siblings have a southern look and she was raised with southern standards#not to mention her non-conformity and often messy appearance heavily impacted how her looks were perceived#George writes Arya's non-conformity as parallel to traditional femininity so it makes sense that beauty is one of those aspects he subverts#(also why it makes sense that her future includes accepting her identity as a Lady while redefining the role but that's off topic)#this is why you need to look at the writing instead of judging based on the /type/ of character you think Arya is#and! it's truly not that serious 😭 I'm sure it will be a plot point eventually but it's not 98% of her story like these people pretend#Arya is such an interesting + well-written character but we constantly get people rewriting her and nonsense discourse around her looks#such rich material and all you can say is that she's an /odd-looking feral gremlin/ and I'm supposed to take your opinion seriously#at this point the obsession with Arya being /weird/ looking has to be some projection of personal self-esteem issues#there's no way /this/ is the hill you're willing to die on with all the terrible takes about Arya from this fandom#wish people who didn't care about her would just stop bringing her up so we could have our discussions about her in peace
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as my good friend and i like to remind each other:
don't yuck people's yum. if you do so, at least keep it in the dms. no point in making people feel absolutely miserable for liking a certain thing, for having an oc you don't like - whatever it is. people constantly hating just for the sake of hating truly sour the fandom experience on social medias. there's a problem if the only way you feel better is by making others feel like crap.
and you, who shares the things you love online, who creates original characters and talks about their ships - know that you will never be able to please everyone and that's okay. don't let it stop you from sharing what you love, if it brings you happiness then keep doing it. you don't owe anyone anything, if what you like somehow upsets people, they can very easily just block you and move on. it's really that simple!
#em: txt#if we're calling out people for being racist or having VERY problematic opinions and shit then yeah by all means#but lord... just because you don't like someone's oc design; ship concept or opinion on a video game cutscene#doesn't mean you should be an asshole about it#this is something i've encountered in every fandom i've been in so far#i wish “block” wasn't perceived as this truly terrible and malicious thing - i honestly just see it as a space curating tool
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hi :o)
#actual clown getup for once 🤡#for clown appreciation week of course#my face#need to do more clown looks tbh . need my nose to be fun and stripey all the time#will i keep this up and let my presence be perceived or delete this in an hour? we'll see#in hindsight wish i had less green on my nose but ya live and learn#clown#t4t clown. can anyone hear me
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so do you think he succeeded?
#i woke up out of nowhere at seven in the morning with his speech playing in my head over and over again#a better world. a free world. turn me into shredded paper#and i was thinking about how i would be really annoyed if the wish never had any consequences because if that was the case félix deserved#to make his own. in this new world there's still obfuscation. people are still pulling the strings. there's still fucking nepotism LMAO#i also almost put the ring scene as who gets powers and who doesn't because i think a lot about whether ladybug would have granted all#sentimonsters autonomy or only the ones she perceives to be human#i didn't because i couldn't find anything else that fit what's right or wrong but know i have many thoughts on this subject#miraculous ladybug#🌃#ml gifs#ml emotion#ml recreation#ough... félix#sunny from the future here i kept this in my drafts for a bit but it shall now be dispensed to you because i am a magnanimous ruler
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maybe a controversial opinion but while i really love jiang cheng as a character he is deeply self-centered as a person. and seeing people fight tooth and nail claiming he isn't, or is just misunderstood, or that he has genuine valid reasons to be selfish when plenty of other characters make the difficult choice to forego status and opportunities for what they believe is genuinely right to do (read: wei wuxian, wen ning, wen qing, lan wangji, jiang yanli, mianmian, etc.)
it's just odd to me. especially if they're talking about the novels.
mxtx didn't give jiang cheng the name "sandu shengshou" as a quirky coincidence. there's a REASON she named him & his sword after the 3 poisons of Buddhism (specifically ignorance, greed, and hatred). it's crucial to the story that jiang cheng is NOT selfless and that wei wuxian IS.
it's important to accept that wei wuxian is, by their society's standards, not morally gray; he represents several Buddhist ideals in direct contrast of jiang cheng and multiple people attest to wei wuxian's strong moral character, which is a lot of why jiang cheng even feels bitter about him to begin with.
it's crucial, because by the end of the novel jiang cheng realizes the extent of this and begins to let go!
the twin prides thing wasn't jiang cheng wanting them to 100% mirror the twin jades. he does care about wei wuxian, but he wanted wei wuxian to stay his right hand man, in part the way wei changze was for jiang fengmian.
and if there's one thing you can notice about wei changze in the novels, it's that literally nobody talks about him. he is only ever mentioned when his cool mysterious mountain sect wife cangse-sanren is mentioned, or (even more rarely) when they discuss him as a servant to jiang fengmian. regardless of jiang fengmian's own feelings, wei changze was considered lesser to him and didn't seem to outdo him, since nobody's out there years later still waxing poetry about wei changze's skills.
it may not be the only thing jiang cheng wants out of a twin pride dynamic, but it is a big part of it. regardless of his parents' intentions in taking wei wuxian in and treating him certain ways, this twin pride right-hand man thing is what jiang cheng has felt owed since childhood. he gave up his dogs for wei wuxian, people gossip about his sect heir position with wei wuxian there... jiang cheng wants the reciprocation of what he views as personal sacrifices.
he is ignorant to the depth of what wei wuxian must've suffered for over 6 years as a malnourished orphan child on the streets. he hates how wei wuxian's intelligence, witty charm, and cultivation abilities are naturally stronger than his own. he does care about wei wuxian a lot and want them to be together as sort of-brothers, sort of-friends, sort of-young master and sect servant...
...but if it's between that unclear (yet still caring) relationship and being able to save himself just a little bit more, jiang cheng nearly always manages to clam up in the face of danger and choose the latter, which ultimately benefits himself most. maybe it's a stretch to call that sort of thing greed, but it certainly isn't selfless.
there are of course plenty of justifications for this. it's his duty as sect heir. his home and sect was severely damaged by the wen attack and subsequent war; he had to protect himself, etc.
but doesn't that prove the point?
wei wuxian may be charming, but in terms of pure social standing, he is lower and far more susceptible to being punished or placed in harm's way by people who have more power and money. to protect wei wuxian, yunmeng jiang's long-term head disciple and semi-family member, even in the face of backlash and public scrutiny would've been the selfless thing to do. this is what wei wuxian does for the wen remnants in the burial mounds.
jiang cheng does not choose this. it's not even an unreasonable choice for him to make! nobody else in the great clans is doing such a thing, stepping out of line to take on a burden that could weaken them in the long-run. wei wuxian himself doesn't hate jiang cheng for it; he lets go of these things and focuses on what good he can do in the present.
jiang cheng thinks further into the future - what would happen to him if he continued vouching for wei wuxian and taking his side? what about jiang cheng's face, his sect's face? would wei wuxian even care to reciprocate somehow? everyone expects him to cut off wei wuxian for being dangerous, for threatening his position, for...
do you see what i mean? to call jiang cheng selfless for falling in line with exactly what people expected him to do after the war is not only wrong, it's foolish.
"but they faked their falling-out!" okay. why fake it to begin with, except to protect jiang cheng and the jiang sect's own face? is that selfless? who does it ultimately serve to protect? wei wuxian canonically internalizes the idea that he stains all that he touches, including lan wangji, and agrees to the fake fight because he doesn't want to cause the jiang sect harm. regardless, it eventually slides into a true falling-out, and in the end jiang cheng is more or less unscathed reputation-wise while wei wuxian falls.
that isn't selfless. it's many things! it's respecting his clan and his ancestors, it's making a good plan for the future of his sect and cultivation... but it isn't a truly selfless in the interest of what's right rather than in the interest of duty and what's good for him and his family lineage.
that brings me to my next point: even though wei wuxian hid the truth of the golden core transfer, jiang cheng spent nearly 20 years believing that the golden core "renewal" he was given was a birthright gift of wei wuxian's from baoshan-sanren, an immortal sect teacher of wei wuxian's mother's and a martial elder to wei wuxian.
of course we all know that's a big fat lie, but jiang cheng believed that wei wuxian gave up a critical emergency use gift to him for decades! he was lied to, yes, but jiang cheng immediately agreed without even needing to be convinced. the light in his dead eyes came back with hope the moment wei wuxian even said baoshan-sanren's name. he accepted wei wuxian's offer to give that up to him and take it via identity theft without missing a beat.
with how mysterious and revered baoshan-sanren is, that's obviously not a light sacrifice to just give up to anyone, no matter how close they might be to you. pretending to be wei wuxian to take the gift could even be considered dangerous. what if she found out and got offended? could wei wuxian be hurt by that?
jiang cheng doesn't even hesitate. wei wuxian is the one who mentions that if jiang cheng doesn't pretend to be him, the immortal master could get angry and they'd both be goners. and funnily enough, the day they do go to "the mountain", jiang cheng is the one worried and suspiciously wondering if wei wuxian was lying to him or had misremembered.
of course they've both been traumatized like hell prior to this point. but still: it speaks to how broken he was at the moment as well as to his character overall.
i digress: jiang cheng "gets his golden core back" via what he believed was a gift that should've been wei wuxian's to use in serious emergencies. rather than use it for himself, wei wuxian risked his own safety and gave it to jiang cheng... and jiang cheng still ends up embittered and angry, believing that wei wuxian is arrogant and selfish.
if he truly views them as 100% brothers and equals with no caveats, why would he think that way? it's not like he needs to grovel before wei wuxian for doing that, or to reciprocate... but this is what i mean when i say jiang cheng feels he is owed things by wei wuxian. wei wuxian's actions hold a very different weight in jiang cheng's mind, and jiang cheng himself doesn't ever act the same way, except once.
is it wrong for him to feel like he is owed something? it depends. many asian cultures, including my own, feel that a person owes their family in ways that may not make sense to westerners. for example, it's considered normal for a child to owe their parents for giving birth to them, or to other caretakers for feeding, clothing, sheltering, educating them, etc.
however, something like verbally saying "thank you" or "i'm sorry" to family is considered crazy- why would you owe that? you're supposed to inconvenience your family; saying thank you or sorry is the sort of thing you say to a stranger or acquaintance. i get half-seriously lectured by my elders on this a lot even now, even though they know such phrases are just considered good manners in the US.
this muddies up the idea of wei wuxian being jiang cheng's family vs his family's charge or servant even more. jiang cheng wants wei wuxian to be close... but ultimately doesn't really choose to use what power he DOES have to protect wei wuxian. he considers himself still owed something that in his mind wei wuxian flagrantly never repays.
this isn't even getting into how despite spending a majority of his time with the yiling patriarch he never once noticed that wei wuxian stopped using any spiritual power-based cultivation. even lan wangji, who met them far more rarely, realized that something was wrong and that wei wuxian had taken some sort of spiritual damage, hence the "come with me to gusu".
of course manpain is fun and i'm not immune to the juicy idea of them reconciling and talking things out... but jiang cheng is deeply mired in his own desire to be "above" wei wuxian in multiple ways, and doesn't realize the extent of wei wuxian's actions, the intentions behind them, and the consequences wei wuxian knowingly faced for them.
to not recognize this about jiang cheng, especially in the novels, is really revisionist if you ask me. i reiterate that i really do like him a lot. he's flawed, angry, traumatized and has poor coping mechanisms, an overall fascinating character... but he is not selfless nor ideal, and i seriously draw the line at people saying he is.
wen ning shoves this all into his face at lotus pier to disastrous results. it is the reason why jiang cheng's a total mess at guanyin temple, and the reason jiang cheng ultimately doesn't tell wei wuxian about the fact that he ran towards the wens on purpose.
for that one last act of his to have really been selfless, he needs to not seek anything in return. he did it purely because it was right to do to protect someone else. if that means wei wuxian never finds out about it, so be it.
that moment that ended up causing jiang cheng irreversible harm is not a debt that wei wuxian owes him. it hurts, but no matter how bitter it is, that realization is so important to him changing in the future.
#keri chats#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#jiang cheng#long post#this is NOT anti/crit for him btw i like him a lot i just feel like nobody interprets him the way i perceive him#which even then my interpretation is p nebulous... worth saying i also heavily disagree w ppl who think of him as an evil shithead#he's upper class & steeped in jianghu politics/self preservation. flawed as hell human being but they're all war criminals lbr it's#Magical Genocide and War Crimes: The Novel#anyway this post is messy as fuck but if u read all of it: thank u. if u agree with me: ilu. i wish more ppl understood revenge ethics#as they stand in asian cultures and history vs in western (almost always culturally christian) cultures#it's unclear how far in the future the extras are but at one pt he's ''the same as ever'' which at best indicates slow emotional growth#and like. ykw? i don't think he'll be repressed bitter angry thinking abt his losses n pain forever. i think he can grow i believe in him#i have so many thoughts on this i could've made this post go on forever augh
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have you ever considered...that identifying out of woman/girlhood because you don't relate to the societal implications, expectations, etc... contributes to making womanhood (feel) even more restrictive? maybe you feel better when thinking of yourself as anything but a girl/woman because you do not feel like a woman (what does that even mean?) but in my opinion you just added another brick into the prisonwall that is gender.
#just my opinion#i wish it was more accepted to question gender identity and to encourage others to question WHY they dont feel like#they “fit” their gender#and your actions have consequences for others too#there will be girls after you who UNDERSTANDABLY hate being perceived as female but their take away will not be that society sucks for wome#and needs to be changed and change happens with every gnc woman and girl who stands her ground and says fuck you to the gendered expectatio#placed upon her from the moment of her birth#but she will take away that as she does not fit the narrow societal definition of womanhood that there is no space for her in it and#that SHE needs to change and this goes on and on until womanhood is simply the label for people who present the most sexist stereotype of#what a woman is#and the fact that i get asked for my pronouns since having short hair and the girl with long hair next to me isnt is a fucking sign of that#and also i beg you to question why a pronoun a tiny word other ppl use when talking about you is SO loaded with negative/positive#implications that it holds so much importance for you#all this applies specifically for ppl without dysphoria btw#i also believe that dysphoria is at least heavily influenced by societal expectations too but its a bit more complicated#personal#you may send me death threats now lol i dont even care anymore#radfem safe#radblr#radfems do touch
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the problem with social media fics is that they are spectacular when done right. the problem with social media fics is that most of them are bad
#its not like theres a shortage#theyre just all. bad#bc theyre perceived as easy to write#they dont even have to be funny!!!#although the genre does lend itself to humor#but yall the potential of an angsty socmed au? its there#i just wish more were good#vees train of thought#vee makes posts
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I wish I could be agender the way Murderbot is agender. Right down to the lack of biological sexual characteristics. So agender that the term agender comes with too much associated gender to accurately apply. You know what I mean?
#help the dysphoria is kicking my ass again today and everything about me looks and feels wrong#demigirl still feels like it is applicable but also i wish i was more masculine but NOT in that way only THIS way#am i uncomfortable with my curves because of internalized fatphobia? because of the association with being feminine? both?#is it my actual curves themselves or is it the very reality of having a physical body that will be gendered some way no matter what i do?#i hate it I hate all of it#Murderbot#agender#gender#gender dysphoria#body dysphoria#dysphoria#fox thoughts#'maybe if i dress more masculine that will help'#nope no thats still leaning into gender#how do i do both at once so that they cancel each other out?#i don't want to be masculine but i don't want to be female lite™ either#I don't want to be perceived as having any gender at all and its not fucking possible#fuck i don't even want to deal with pronouns 80% of the time and i don't care for my name either#why does physically existing suck so bad sometimes#☉
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If I can go from heavily religious long haired conservatively dressed mormon looking girl to hot blue collar grungy sweaty faggot, you can too!
#lemon talks#what I wish someone hadve said to me when I was younger#don’t worry little girl#you’ll turn into the sweaty man of your dreams#it’s all fun and games until your whole world view has changed#and your forced to confront the fact you’ve never felt like a girl#and always longed and craved to be perceived as masculine#then realize you can do just that#and be a million times happier as a man then you ever were pretending to be a woman#life is beautiful and complex#glory be to being a transgender faggot#forcemasc#forced masculinization#autoandrophilia
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heads up: parental abuse mentioned vaguely. hurt/comfort ahead.
vernon knows what it means when you text this late asking to come over.
despite the insistence that you could move in with him until you got on your feet, you never really took it. he always said that he's your boyfriend and your best friend: this was part of the deal. caring for each other. if it were him, you'd open your door immediately and let him stay as long as he needed to get things sorted out. even after dating for a year, you don't take him up on the offer. instead, he just gets the occasional text asking if it's okay that you come over. that you need to get out. he always says yes, even if that means ditching his friends to go back to his apartment (something he never tells you: he doesn't want you to feel guilty when your safety always comes first). instead, he busies himself with doing things a boyfriend should. he gets the hoodie the two of you share (bought big enough for both of you to wear it comfortably) out of his closet, and sprays his cologne onto it. he gets the plush bear you bought him (one of a set: his was green, while yours was blue) out, too--he needed to shower tonight, and the bear was almost as good a cuddler as he was.
and he brings himself to wait by the front door. you already know the code to the apartment. he texts seungkwan that you're spending the night, and seungkwan asks if he needs to bring anything--dinner or otherwise--to cheer you up. it makes him thankful his roommate understands. truly, sometimes vernon thinks seungkwan loves you almost as much as he does.
the door chimes when you open it, and he can see the fact your cheeks are wet from the moment he sees you. wordlessly, he opens his arms to you, and you don't rush into them. you close the door, you slip out of your shoes and set them aside, and then you step up. you meet his gaze for a moment, and then you sink into him, arms wrapping around him tight.
"why is it always my fault?" you sigh out. it's not the first time vernon's heard that. the next thing you say is another repeat of something you've said too many times before, "i just wish i could be enough for her."
he holds you tight. "it's not your fault," he says. he'll always say it, as many times as you need it. "she's the one who's never happy. you didn't do anything, baby." (he hopes the term of endearment helps.)
"i just... i told her i'd go back and get whatever she wanted, and then she got all pissed off and snappy and said she'd do it herself." you bury your face into his neck. "i just said i was tired... i didn't mean i wouldn't go, i just--"
hot tears hit his neck, and he just holds you tighter. "hey, hey--you didn't do anything. how much have you done today?"
you start listing them off. the meals you've cooked, the chores you've done, the places you've gone...
"anyone would be tired at this point," he tells you. he draws back from you, taking your hands in his as he takes a few steps back, "c'mon. let's go cuddle, baby."
fuck the shower. he'll take one in the morning. you need him more now, and he's happy to be there for you to fall asleep on halfway through a movie on his laptop. whatever it takes to remind you you're loved, he'll do. that's what a boyfriend does, he thinks. and then he scratches that out:
that's what someone who cares does, regardless of title.
#nonranghaes.thoughts#seventeen x reader#nonranghaes.svt#svt x reader#seventeen imagine#seventeen x you#svt imagine#svt x you#chwe vernon x reader#vernon angst#vernon x reader#chwe vernon angst#chwe hansol x reader#man im just. im just tired. im sorry i cant do shit right#i wish i was more than just a fucking uterus or means of money to her... all im good for is 1. money (one day) and 2. grandkids#and i wish i were viewed as more than that in her fucking eyes but at the same time i dont care. i dont want her to perceive me#ughh ignore my venting in the tags i just. i wish i were loved on purpose#and not out of obligation#nonranghaes.vent
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imagine growing up in the order of st dumas and as a kid youre told that if you dont brush your teeth azrael is going to kill you and then azrael in question is some geeky loser
#geeky loser that doesnt brush his teeth either#lilhy and karl experience#or youre told that if you disobey the st dumas himself will come after you but then he actually does as a hallucination#st dumas came after ludovic for kissing a woman If lilhy wants st dumas to speak to her maybe she should try it out too#womean arent allowed to hallucinate st dumas in this order#i wish lilhys development was different because idont even mind her being a villain but it isnt developed in a meaningful way#brian just says once in a while “something is wrong with lilhy... shes changed!!!” we are told well shes evil now and thats it#she doesnt do anything and if she does its so vague and pointless she seems to do ok actually living her best life after all#do you ever think about how normal people perceive jp/az as just jp and people from the order think of them as azrael first
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