#i wish the video was better quality so i could see what it says properly because right now all i can see is ‘turtles’

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

STOP NOT THE TURTLE TOTE BAG 😭

[thefanficmonster]

Infatuation

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: It’s not a secret that Corpse prefers taking care of his hair himself rather than going to a hair salon to get it trimmed and/or tampered. However, he only has so much knowledge of how to properly do it without having to obliterate his budget. Luckily, his girlfriend comes to his rescue.

Requested by Anon. Hi lovely! Thank you so much for the incredibly fluffy request! I’ve been very pumped to write it and now here it finally is - so sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post it but I still hope you come across it and give it a read! Love, Vy ❤

“Um, what are you doing?“

I just walked into Corpse’s apartment to find him barricaded in the bathroom, giving himself a hair appointment. We were supposed to have a chill night in watching movies, but it seems to me like those plans will either have to be delayed or canceled, given the chaotic state both Corpse and his bathroom are in. I mean, how dumb was I to expect he was actually doing his hair justice when he told me he styled it himself? Why didn’t that immediately raise an army of red flags in my head and lead me to question his methods?

I’m honestly quite jealous of Corpse’s hair. It’s always so soft and silky and no matter how much or how little effort he’s put in it, it always looks good: either evidently carefully styled or boyishly messy, it leaves me with heart-eyes regardless. But to see him massacre it like this, it makes me wish I could report it as a crime.

“Ain’t obvious?“ He sounds rather frustrated and I feel at least slightly better due to this fact. He deserves to be as frustrated as I am by the sight of the crap he’s doing. “Sorry, you’re gonna have to wait for me for...a little while. I just need to get this under control and, um, clean the mess. Sorry for ruining your night like this, babe. I-I really wasn’t planning on it to take this long but I forgot to buy one of the products and I thought I could wing it without it but...I very clearly can’t so...“

“Please, stop talking. I don’t need to know what sins you’ve committed - if I do I’ll probably have to give you the silent treatment for like a week or so.“ I call out to him as I quickly skip over to the kitchen to leave the food I bought on my way over before returning to the bathroom and carefully taking a step inside, mindful of where there are hair strands on the tiles. Even severed, his hair is beautiful and I have a ton of respect for it - ok fine, I adore it. Corpse definitely doesn’t appreciate it properly. I walk over to the shower, reaching out to the two shelves inside which are lined with different types of hair products. “Oh fuck...“ I let out the whisper without even realizing it because I’m so stunned by the brands I see on those shelves. “Corpse, um, what the actual fuck?”

He turns to me, eyes wide and terrified because of my menacing tone. “What? What is it?” His gaze searches the spot where mine was just pointed at, looking for anything that could’ve provoked such a reaction from me. Seeing nothing but the hair products, he meets my deadly glare yet again, “What’s wrong?”

Alright, this man-child needs some serious help

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong.“ I say, stomping towards the exit of the bathroom, “You’re gonna stay here and wait for me to come back and don’t you DARE, even touch your hair, let alone bring a pair of scissors or any chemical near it. Copy?“

“Copied and pasted, ma’am.“ He salutes me, knowing better than to ask questions when I enter my commander role. There are quite a few things that set me off into this bossy-ass persona, and hair mistreatment is most definitely one of them. Thing is, Corpse doesn’t know that. Well, he didn’t know that, pretty sure he’s guessed it by now.

Feeling myself soften at his obedience and trust, I give him a smile and a wink over my shoulder as I go to grab my bag and leave the apartment to complete my mission, “Good boy.”

                                                              *  *  *

“Isn’t that a lot better?“ I ask, gently running my fingers through Corpse’s freshly cut, washed and dried hair. I’ve spent a good five minutes just smoothing through it with my fingers. I bet he’s expecting me to say ‘my precious‘ at any moment now, and trust me it’s tempting, but I still don’t, I won’t give him the pleasure of predicting my actions. Wow, we’ve really reached that level of being familiar with one another that I predict that he’s predicting what I’m gonna do next. While I’m a guessing game for him, I tend to think of myself as more of an open book. You just gotta be fluent in the language it’s written in to understand it.

I’ve gone off-topic, my bad.

“Yeah, you’re a lot less scary now.“ He tells me, his hand finding mine in his hair and taking it to his lips to place a kiss on my knuckles.

We’re positioned so that we’re in front of the bathroom mirror with Corpse seated in a chair in front of me and I’m for once in my life towering over him from behind. Our height difference was threatening to be a hinderance in my work on his hair, but we easily figured it out.

I can’t help but laugh, “You know what I meant.“ I curl one of his already curly strands around the pointer finger of the hand that’s still wandering around the soft dark curls while the other remains in his gentle hold, resting on his shoulder.

“And you know what I meant.“ He shifts in his seat to look at me directly, not via the mirror, “Since when do you have a hair infatuation?“

I roll my eyes and retract my hands, defensively folding my arms over my chest, “It’s not an infatuation with hair, dummy. It’s an infatuation with your hair.” I correct him, doing quick work of styling the stray strands that fall over his forehead and eyes. “I really like your hair, you already know that. I can’t handle the thought you’re doing such a shitty job taking care of it.”

He shrugs, furrowing his brows, “Hey, I was buying top-shelf products, cost me a fortune every month, my hair was being treated like royalty.”

I roll my eyes once again, “High price doesn’t always equal high quality, Corpse. Did you ever stop to read what was in those products?” I don’t let him answer, I don’t need him to confirm what I already know. “Even if you did - which you didn’t - you wouldn’t know what each of those ingredients do to your hair. You see, taking care of hair, especially hair like yours, takes patience and knowledge. It’s practically an art form. It’s not like you can just buy any product that has ‘suitable for curly hair’ on it. There’s a lot more to that.”

It’s only after I finish my monologue that I realize he’s looking at me with amazed amusement in his gaze, almost like a parent listening to their kid talk about their wish of becoming an astronaut. “Since when do you know so much about hair? You’ve been using the same shampoo and conditioner since I know you and now you wanna lecture me on hair care?”

I raise an eyebrow at him, exasperated by his stubbornness on the matter, “Who said being consistent with your hair products is a bad thing? You know, frequent changing of brands has the potential of being damaging as much as aiding.�� I explain with the most amount of patience I can muster, now taking over the parent role myself, “And as for your previous question, I know so much because my mother is a hairdresser.”

His eyes widen in surprise. I can practically see the gears in his brain turning as he tries to recall if I’ve ever told him this before.

“How come I don’t know that?“ He asks finally after a long moment of silence. “Why haven’t you told me?”

“You ask that as though I just tell you things like that on the regular. Did you also want me to drop the info that my dad’s a mechanic in passing conversation about video games? Cause that’s a little hard to shoehorn in....“ He cuts off my sarcastic rambling with a brief peck to the lips. He’s the only person allowed to shut me up, and only like that. Anything else will earn him either an earful or a silent treatment. 

Just kidding....unless...

“So, does that mean you’re continuing the family business?“ he asks when he pulls away, “I mean, you’re technically my personal hairdresser now.“

I furrow my brows playfully, “Wait, what? Since when?”

“Since I hired you approximately an hour ago.“ He beams up at me, satisfied that I’ve fallen in his trap.

“And what about my payment?“ I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.

He looks to be contemplating for a second before he stands up from the chair, taking my hand in his leading me out of the bathroom, “Well, each appointment you’ll give me a different price, Miss Y/L/N. But, considering today was your first day, I choose to pay you with dinner.“ He sends a wink my way, laughing when he’s met with an unamused expression on my part as I stop in my tracks, causing him to halt his movements as well.

“You really plan on paying me with the dinner I bought?“ I raise an eyebrow at him, freeing my hand from his so I can put both my hands on my hips for the complete 'I’m far from impressed’ look.

“Yeah...? Problem?“ He asks, faking nervousness and guilt as he closes the distance between us, once again returning to the default of towering over me instead of it being the other way around.

“Several actually. First of all...“ I raise my finger in the air accusingly, ready to go off but the arm that wraps around my waist and lifts me off the ground causes my words to die down, evaporating in a frightened squeal, “Corpse no!! Put me down!“

Of course, he ignores me, carrying me into the living room while I don’t know whether to thrash or stay as still as possible. 

Tsk, so much for gratitude

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[anika-ann]

Walk Me Home Tonight (S.R.)

Type: one-shot, songfic

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader     Word count: 4700

Summary: Sometimes it’s hard to be in a celebratory mood when all you can think of is that life sucks and that being left on your own to drown your sorrows is for the best.

Sometimes people who care about you know better than yourself and come crashing your party of one.

Sometimes, despite the popular belief, you do realize how lucky you are having been introduced to Steve Rogers.

Warnings: mention of blood and violence and death, mention of alcohol, angst, fluff and language

A/N: P!nk’s Walk Me Home just does something to me, alright? Music video included - it’s soooo beautiful.

*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･

You stared at the amber liquid, lazily making it roll in the glass with idle motions of your wrist. It reflected the rather soft lights of the bar, an exquisite game of colour you found fascinating enough to dull your mind and muffle the noise of the party.

It wasn’t that you were a party pooper, not usually anyway; just… the timing wasn’t ideal.

Of course, Sharon could hardly move her birthday to make it more convenient for you, less so a party her colleagues had decided to throw for her. You knew Agent Carter for quite some time now; she had joined SHIELD about the same time as you, going through the same tough training. Except unlike you – and initially without your knowledge – she had an image to live up to.

You might even call her a friend, your chest bursting in pride for her when her hard work had finally borne some fruit and she had been promoted to an assistant director of the intelligence agency. Among other things, it earned her a lot of new potential friends.

You were hardly acting like one tonight, much to your own annoyance. But for some reason, you found it difficult to leave your momentary emotional baggage at the doorstep, slipping it off as easily as your coat. You had wished her all the best, conversed for a tiny bit and then happily made space for others, for the forming line of guests waiting to celebrate with her as well.

Then you retreated to your spot at the bar, possibly annoying the bartender, who would have been more delighted seeing some heavier drinker occupying your seat, tipping generously, instead of having you nursing each glass of alcohol for about two hours.

You weren’t even sure why you were still here; you had given up on the attempt on small talk with anyone, apparently unwittingly chasing away any potential company. And here you thought misery did love company – perhaps you were wrong, at least when it came to birthday parties of gorgeous women loved by everyone. You might as well pack up your bottom and sulk at home.

You were stubbornly shushing the voice in the back of your skull, whispering about knowing precisely why you remained in your seat; about feeling less alone here, despite being a literal loner in a crowd.

You downed the rest of the bitter scotch, basking in the burn which it left on its way down your throat, your eyelids slipping shut in content, the noise in your brain falling silent completely for few blissful moments.

“Party of one?” a male voice gently asked, the tinniest note of teasing in it and while your heart skipped a startled beat at being addressed, you felt the burn in your throat slip lower, warming your chest and causing the corners of your mouth turn up just a fraction.

 There's something in the way you roll your eyes Takes me back to a better time When I saw everything is good But now you're the only thing that's good

 “Felt like crashing it?” you hummed in response, side-eyeing the intruder and found a pair of cerulean eyes staring back. He blindly waved off the eager bartender who was about to offer him a drink.

Ah, poor guy. No tips for him tonight.

“Well, I didn’t get an invitation. Looks like crashing was my only option.”

You sighed tiredly despite Steve’s kind teasing. Tonight was just… so exhausting. Tonight. Today. This week. Gah, this whole month. This fucking year--- okay, maybe you were exaggerating, because you were simply crossing the line, moving from relaxed buzzed drunk to a miserable one.

Battling with yourself, arguing whether you should send him to hell – nicely, because Steve was nothing but kind, he was always so kind, goddammit, gentle humour spiced with the ability to become an utter troll, still benign though, that was why you usually enjoyed his company so much after all-… – or call it a night.

Or should you order another drink? Was there a point? You might cross the line to a clingy drunk eventually and you weren’t certain that was a good idea.

It was probably about as good of an idea as coming to a party despite feeling like shit on an emotional roller-coaster, dangerously inclining towards a very bad mood to put it mildly.

You tilted your head to side as you looked at Steve properly, tight blue shirt flattering his supersoldier frame, black pants with desperately needed leather belt considering his thin waist, his blonde hair a mess, gaze fixed on you, observing. Always observing to read people, to anticipate behaviour, evaluate the threat; sometimes simply to be considerate, to… to be compassionate.

Dammit, Steve.

“Must have got lost in the mail then,” you said eventually, offering a weak smile. “Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s alright,” he shrugged it off, the curve of his lips more distinct than yours. As if he was offering to cheer you up. Sweet, but possibly vain effort tonight. Sometimes, things simply piled up and there was no escape. Such was the fate of a government agent. And human, for that matter. “Doesn’t look like much fun and I think it’s about to end anyway.”

“I guess…”

 Tryna stand up on my own two feet This conversation ain't comin' easily And darling, I know it's getting late So what do you say we leave this place?

 This time, Steve actually made an eye contact with the bartender, who eagerly rushed to him at instant. His excited expression fell when he noticed you were pulling out your wallet to close your tab. You didn’t have the strength to shoot him an apologetic smile.

Steve’s eyes were on you the whole time, you could feel them, and you wondered why. Until he spoke again, as soon as the other man left.

“Come on. I’ll walk you home,” he offered gentlemanly, coaxing you into saying yes, possibly unaware of the effect which such tone had on people.

Or perhaps he knew, using exactly that when he was trying to talk someone down, to calm them, gain their trust. The joke was on him, because it was a vain effort; you trusted him fully already. Surely, he knew that.

Right?

Trust was the solid base the team of Avengers needed and since you somehow found yourself with them, it involved you too. The team stood and fell on trust and mutual respect. But it meant so much more – they were friends. They cared about each other, about their well-being.

Right now, Steve was being a good friend and a good teammate.

And you were being exactly that too when you turned his kind proposition down.

“No, it’s fine. There are still some people who are actually able to speak coherently with you. Go enjoy yourself. I’ll be okay.”

“It’s three in the morning,” he pointed out, as if admonishing you for not noticing. Your eyebrow rose deliberately.

“…and?”

“And I’d feel better if you weren’t walking the streets alone,” he replied easily, ignoring the hint of snark in your comeback as you made your way to the coat-stand.

Still walking on the line of miserable and pleasantly buzzed, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be mean to him for such patronizing approach. He had been raised this way and despite his open mind and admirable respect to women, he slipped sometimes.

“Steve, I’m a SHIELD agent basically turned Avenger. I can take care of my-“

“But you don’t have to. And-” He gestured subtly back towards the bar and a metaphorical lightbulb flickered above your head.

Not patronizing then, god forbid chauvinist; Peggy Carter would rise from the death to beat him with his own shield, with Natasha’s enthusiastic help, if he was showing any sign of aforementioned qualities and he was well-aware of that.

Just mother-henning then, the way Steve excelled at.

It brought the first honest smile of the night to your lips. You made sure to face him so he could see how wholesome his company was for you.

“I’m not too drunk, Steve. I had like two glasses of scotch,” you assured him, gently brushing his forearm before reaching for your coat and scarf. “And two beers.”

“I know,” he stated, stealing your coat only to hold it out for you to slip into it.

God, the woman who would once win his heart was about to be one lucky bitch.

Jim has never done this for me, flashed through your mind and you instantly shushed the whining voice in your head. Instead, you went over what he just said, blinking in surprise.

Huh? He… knew?

“I… might have kept an eye on you,” he admitted tentatively, the tips of his fingers brushing your shoulder before retreating and letting you to cocoon in the fabric.

“Why?”

Why would he keep an eye on you? Sure, teammates and friends and all that, but for some reason, you doubted he kept an eye on Tony, the only other Avenger (beside Steve, not Steve and you, you don’t count, a voice hissed in your mind and you winced) who attended the party, not being on any mission at the moment.

Why did Steve feel like you needed a chaperone?

No, that was too harsh of a word for him, you were certain his intentions were everything but malicious, but… why?

 Walk me home in the dead of night I can't be alone with all that's on my mind, mhm So say you'll stay with me tonight 'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside

 The genuine wonder must have been audible in your voice, much like your shock must have been clear in your expression, because Steve seemed sheepish all of sudden, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Well, I mean, I know that you probably wouldn’t-“ he started, only to grimace. “It’s not that I think you’re an alcoholic! It’s just that... you--- and it’s only been-…“

-four days since you got dumped, you finished the unspoken sentence and tried your best to ignore the cold seeping into your bones at the reminder.

One of the reasons why you had been in a sour mood and deciding to drink alone. Your amazing asshole of a boyfriend had dumped you, metaphorically kicking you while you had already been down. Lovely.

“-I was worried. But you didn’t look like you were interested in having company, I didn’t want to be a bother and-“

You pulled Steve out of his misery by placing a hand over his forearm, which stopped the words spilling uncontrollably from his mouth.

He was actually being very sweet and thoughtful. It kinda made you feel bad, because… you weren’t looking for dragging someone down with you. As it was, he had his own reasons to not be happy about partying tonight, but feeling like he had to keep an eye on you probably didn’t help to lift his spirits.

“-and you had to spend some time with the woman of the hour,” you finished instead of him slowly, hoping you sounded at least half as thoughtful as he did and that you didn’t appear to be the greatest bitch, stealing attention from Sharon. “That’s understandable, Steve. It is her birthday party and I’m the one being antisocial.”

You bit down your lip, lowering your gaze, because the infamous worried wrinkle appeared on Steve’s forehead and you just knew he was about to protest and you… honestly felt bad about your behaviour and the welcoming colour of his eyes was not helping to make you feel any better, because of course he probably thought it was perfectly normal to look out for you instead of allowing himself to enjoy the night and- ugh.

“You… you shouldn’t have to look out for me. Your attention could have been fully on the birthday girl.”

Naturally, Steve Rogers basically shrugged it off. Covering your hand on him with his large palm, he slouched to look into your eyes once more. Insistent bastard, no doubt aware of your inability to say no to his amiable face.

“That’s what friends are for. Now, can I walk you home?”

You shook your head with a sad smile, rising your gaze towards the ceiling, hoping it came out as an exasperation at his stubbornness and not as it truly was – you in fact attempting to keep your tears at bay, because, miserable drunk, dumped four days ago apart from other things and there he was, asshole perfect, Steve fucking Rogers, gentleman and friend extraordinaire, caring for your well-being more than Jim ever had.

A twinkle appeared in his eye when he recognized he won and you chuckled, sealing his victory out loud.

“Yes, Steve. You can walk me home. It’s conveniently located on the way to yours.”

He smirked when he shrugged on his own coat. “Happy coincidences…”

 There's something in the way I wanna cry That makes me think we'll make it out alive So come on and show me how we're good I think that we could do some good, mhm

 Once you left the bar, silence fell on you, feeling heavy as did the cold November air.

Heavy and awkward. While you could tell with certainty you were barely affected by the alcohol you had drunk, your steps were wobbly, knees shaky as if you were a baby horse trying to stand up for the first time.

Steve walked by your side, majestic in his thigh-length coat, hands snugged in its pockets only halfway as if he was waiting for you needing his support. It irritated you as much as it warmed your heart.

On top of everything, you would swear every lone person you met stared at you, staring you up and down until they seemed to register Steve’s imposing frame and quickly went back to their business. It annoyed you to no end; it was just proving Steve’s point that you shouldn’t walk the streets alone at such hour, government agent or not.

“I would have been fine, you know,” you hummed, cautiously breaking the relative quiet.

It was never truly quiet in New York City, only rush hours alternating with calmer ones. You didn’t mind it; you enjoyed the city. Sometimes quiet meant that thoughts won the opportunity to become too loud; tonight, for some reason, despite the silence, Steve prevented that ever since he joined you.

It dawned to you then, how ungrateful you sounded and you quickly added “But thanks.” –  a whisper full of honesty.

“Uh-huh.”

Perhaps the silence weighted so much because your mood wasn’t the only cause of it.

Steve was showing you that he worried; surely, you could as well? Because you did, worry about him that was.

“…are you? Okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked distractedly, but you could hear the frown on his face, the image of his nose scrunched in confusion painted in front of your eyes even without looking at him.

“Just… today-” you nudged him once more and vaguely eyed your watch only to be reminded that ‘today’ was a confusing term. “Or, more like, yesterday…”

A sharp inhale was drawn at your side and you could sense as he started closing off, putting up his walls so no one would catch a scent of his weakness. You hated when he tried to do that. You would have thought you were past that. You liked to consider you two friends at least.

Tonight was simply not your night. Of either of you, apparently.

“What about it-?“

You sighed, fighting the urge to roll your eyes. Were you truly such a crappy company, an insensitive friend or was there something sorrowful and cranky in the air, preventing your communication channels from tuning to the same frequency?

You were aware what the day meant for him – another painful reminder of what he had lost with crashing the plane in the forties only to wake up in a new millennium.

Though this particular loss – of his mother – haunted him even back in what some people called his days. It was an utter non-sense. Steve belonged there as much as he belonged here. He was brave enough to try and stubborn enough to succeed in fitting in.

“Nothing, I guess,” you sighed once more, this time rolling your eyes. “…Mr. Nothing Can Touch Me.”

The wry nickname hung in the air for a while, the faint noise of the night city washing over your pair. When Steve broke it again, there was a barely audible crack in his voice.

“I… I’m okay. I think. I… should be. It’s been so long. Decades,” he mused, turning his gaze to the sky. His eyes glistened and if you didn’t know him, hadn’t witnessed his walls lowering before, you would have thought it was just the streetlights reflecting.

You knew better. Tentatively, your fingers brushed his, not remembering when his hands had left his pockets. You were grateful for it now, especially when he didn’t retrieve from your touch instantly.

“Not for you,” you pointed out quietly, rewarded by the softest squeeze of his warm hand.

The heaviness and tension you had felt before resolved with the gesture. Something finally fell into place and you were almost you again and he was almost him.

Two figures, carrying their griefcases, but functioning and… harmonizing once more.

“How did you know?”

“That’s what friends are for, Steve,” you echoed his earlier words, sending a tiny smile his way, meeting his glassy gaze. “They remember important dates, good or bad.”

“No one else did. Not that I can actually hold it against Buck, of course... but no one… you…” his voice trailed off as he lost his train of thought – or perhaps he had never truly directed it to the station in the first place.

Your shoulders moved a fraction, a hint of a shrug-off. His hand wrapped around yours tighter in silent appreciation, not showing any sign of intending to let go.

And you were alright with that. More than alright.

Walk me home in the dead of night I can't be alone with all that's on my mind, mhm So say you'll stay with me tonight 'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

His presence was always immense, overwhelming even; yet so comfortable you didn’t have the slightest problem with opening your heart to him, offering it to him even when it was bleeding. And now, finally tuned together, it was no different.

You bared your heart to him, even if it hurt.

“She didn’t make it,” you whispered, voice pained in the dead of the night and he didn’t react, letting you to gather strength to elaborate. You cleared your throat as the lump grew in it.  “Kayla, one of the kids… from last week’s mission. I found out yesterday… she-she didn’t make it, she had too many injuries. Word is that perhaps it was even a blessing. A relief.”

“I’m so sorry,” Steve repented, his grip growing stronger just a fraction, enough to make your chest and eyes burn.

“Yeah, so am I.”

Whatever he heard in your voice, it caused his fingers twitch in your hand, his footsteps slowing down. “You know that wasn’t your fault, right?”

“Wasn’t it? If I was faster, if I-“

Steve stopped in his tracks completely, pulling at your hand to make you do the same and face him.

You closed your eyes when his blue ones met them, unable to stand the urgency in them. His free hand curled around your shoulder, caressing in attempt at comfort.

“Hey, hey, don’t do that to yourself.” Hypocrite, you threw back at him in your mind, stubbornly keeping your eyelids shut, simply knowing that if you saw the sincerity in his gaze in addition to the fervour he spoke with, you might actually believe him. “You did your best. I know that, Nat and Buck know, everyone does. A monster you helped to put behind bars hurt the kids. Not you. You saved so many lives.”

You shook your head with a sigh, staring straight ahead as you turned on your heels and continued your path. Steve, never letting go of your hand, followed reluctantly.

“Sometimes I think he might have been right, you know?”

Peripherally, you saw him frown again and you cursed yourself for drinking – it untangled your tongue and his stupid face made your spill your guts to him, vomit emotion. You weren’t too secretive about your feelings most of the time, but damn, you hated how alcohol pushed your boundaries of sharing them.

“… Jim. He said that maybe I should give it up. That I’m just running alongside you, heroes, pretending to be one of you, but in the end, I’m not even close to being as good-“

Steve’s feet took roots in the ground, his steely grip forcing you to stop – as long as you wanted to keep your hand attached, which yeah, you kinda did.

“I feel like taking a detour now,” he muttered darkly and for a short moment, confusion was everything you felt, blissfully overtaking the anger, the sorrow, the helplessness and the feeling of utter uselessness.

“Huh?”

“Where does Jim live?” Steve spitted out the name venomously and you couldn’t help the wave of affection washing over you. Affection towards this treasure of a man who apparently wanted to punch another human being because it offended his friend. “He has no business saying something like that. Especially if his bullshit actually affects you-”

“Steve, he wasn’t wrong, I’m just-“ you sputtered, caught off guard when you registered the fire in his glare.

“We all make mistakes. But that’s beside the point, because you didn’t even make any that day. I read the report, and I know you, you put everything you got and more into the rescue mission. How can he-“ he hissed, literally taking a calming breath as both of his hands balled into fist.

Well, one of them only nearly, since it was still holding yours. It actually stung a bit, the bones in your hand close to grinding against each other.

“-I haven’t met him many times, but if he said that instead of comforting you after an incredibly draining mission, then I’m glad that that asshole is gone from your life. … though I would still appreciate his address.”

Blinking away the few stray tears that welled up, you forced a smile as Steve’s strict glare found yours. It felt good, seeing his indignation; having someone else exasperated on how Jim had reacted. He should have given you a hug and hold you tight; that was what you would wish for. Instead, he told you to stop complaining and when you accused him of not supporting you, he called you a whiny bitch who should make up her damn mind and broke things off.

You deeply appreciated Steve’s display of chivalry, hell, you half-considered giving away the address just so Jim would hear someone else agreeing with you, but you were honestly just tired. And you had a feeling Steve wouldn’t stay only at words and seeing any more blood, any more aggression would have been too much for you tonight.

Tonight, you… you needed serenity and comfort.

“…thank you. That… that means a lot. But… maybe just walk me home? Please? Could you walk me home, Steve?” you pleaded softly, barely audible, not caring it sounded like weeping of a needy child.

Unbeknownst to you, that was the last thing you resembled in Steve’s eyes. Your imploring gaze, vulnerable and open, it moved something inside him, his anger silenced for the moment, leaving him defenceless, unable to say no. Not that he had an intention to do so. He always had trouble saying no to you.

So he forced his fists to relax, running his thumb over the back of your hand and whispered the only word that made sense.

“Always.”

You settled back to the comfortable silence after that.

 Walk me home in the dead of night 'Cause I can't be alone with all that's on my mind Say you'll stay with me tonight 'Cause there is so much wrong going on

 You reached the Tower hand in hand.

Neither of you released the other. Not during the elevator ride, not when you walked the halls lined with doors leading to each’s private quarters.

You were still holding onto each other when you came to a stop in front of your door; rest assured, Steve Rogers would lead you right to your door even if his was only at the end of the very same corridor.

Standing nearly chest to chest, his eyes bored into yours with seriousness that surprised you.

“For the record, you do a great deal of good,” he reassured you, saying it as if he truly meant it. It tugged at your heart, sweet and bitter. “You’re amazing and you’re the most authentic of all of us. I admire you.”

That claim caused you to chuckle. Now he was laying it on a bit thick, downright exaggerating.

“You admire me? Steve, that’s really nice of you to say, but don’t be ridi-“

Your words died in your throat when his large palm splayed over your cheek, cradling it gently. When the paddle of his thumb swiped over your other cheek, soft smile playing on his lips, his irises bright with a promise, time seemingly stopped along with your heart.

“And you’re a great friend to the whole team, a wonderful person. Do me a favour and finally learn to accept a compliment,” he asked of you in hushed voice, the electric blue and green of his eyes locking you in. “If he didn’t praise you enough for you to get used to it, he was doing something wrong.”

You gulped, a silly association with the word ‘praise’ allowing you to break from the cage of his gaze that had previously had your mind gone blank.

“I’m not a dog to be praised, Steve…”

One corner of his lips – and when did they got so close anyway? – twitched. And then a tender kiss landed on your forehead, just the softest brush of lips against your skin. The gesture, utterly incomprehensible for you, had your eyelids flutter shut.

“I’m very much aware. Believe me, doll, I know. Thank you for letting me walk you home.”

You only nodded at the ridiculous statement – why was he thanking you? – too perplexed at the fact his lips had made contact with your skin. When did you cross the line towards the delusional drunk?

His fingertips caressed your face as he let go, wishing you to have a good night. Too baffled, you were unable to respond until he had already made his way to his door and you suddenly missed the warmth of his presence.

Breaking free from your haze, you acted on impulse, apparently startling him when you called his name out of blue so urgently.

“Steve!”

Whipping his head around to look at you, you felt your heart jump into your throat.

“Uh… are you ready to go to bed or… or maybe… would you like to watch a movie or something?” With me?

I don’t think I’m ready to be alone. Ready to be without you.

Even from the distance, you would swear you saw his lips spread in a slow honey-sweet smile.

“I think I’d like that,” he called out lowly. “Ten minutes? I’ll get the blankets. You pick the movie.”

“See you in ten then.”

You pretended that your heart didn’t flutter, sending a wave of familiar tingle through your chest and to your fingers, as you slipped inside your room with your mouth curled up in a content smile.

 Walk me home in the dead of night I can't be alone with all that's on my mind So say you'll stay with me tonight 'Cause there is so much wrong There is so much wrong There is so much wrong going on outside

*✧･ Bonus *✧･

If Tony found them two and half hour later, closing credits rolling, the pair curled up and cuddling on the couch, you fast asleep in Steve’s arms, and he noticed that the supersoldier was in fact only faking to avoid an interrogation from the Ironman himself, he didn’t mention it. He just whispered to FRIDAY to turn off the TV and turn off the dimmed lights completely.

He hoped Rogers would treat you the way you deserved, unlike the man who now had farts announcing a received e-mail or texts, unable to change it, and a laptop turning on randomly, dead-pale children staring at him from the screen with hollow eyes and in clothes dripping water. Tony would hate to have to hack more tech again just to avenge your broken heart without your knowledge any time soon.

He’d rather suffer watching the two of his friends being disgustingly sweet on each other.

Probably.

*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･

S.R. masterlist

*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･*✧･

Silent thanks to the person who came up with the word ‘griefcase’ as an alternative to emotional baggage.

Also, I’m pretty sure songfics aren’t supposed to be so long... oops?

Thank you for reading!

[crescentsteel]

Keeping a Secret - Part 4

pairing: Tsukishima x f!manager of Sendai Frogs genre: sexual tension/crack/fluff/slow burn wc: 7.6k

[a/n]

Let me know if you want to be part of the taglist uwu

AO3

Part 3 || Part 5 || masterlist

Tsukishima might not like you, but at least you unspokenly agreed on how to treat the strange tension from last time’s meeting: ignore it. 

No one dared mention it. Since he arrived a while ago, no one talked unless needed. It’s not like the air is awkward, it’s just silent, devoid of last time’s weird shenanigan as you continued on with the unfinished assignment from his previous visit.

“I assume you’re done from how you’re spacing out at nothing,” he reprimands.

You flinch and realize that you’ve been staring at the wall behind Tsukishima. 

“Oh, uhhh.” You check your laptop to see your progress and surprisingly, you really are done. Your brain must have shut down on it’s own when it registered that you’re finished with your work for the day.

“Yep!” You snicker proudly at him. “Are we going to watch crocodiles doing the nasty now?” you ask him with eager interest.

You really have a way with words that always throws him off-guard, yet instead of scowling at you, he just gives out a resigned sigh. He knows you aren’t trying to irk him. That’s just how you really are.

It’ll be better for his sanity to just tolerate your and leave you be than drive himself to the brink of madness.

“Yeah,” he responds thriftly.

You giddily scurry over at his side of the table and comfortably seat yourself beside him. You hug your knees as he prepares several videos from BBC Earth and Nat Geo Wild that shows and explains crocodile mating behavior. He turns up the volume of his laptop to its loudest so you can both hear the audio clearly.

In the second video, the voice-over explains the kinds of display reptiles make to attract their potential mate. His eyes glance at you briefly. Not that he’s complaining about it, but you’re acting unusually docile today . You’ve been mostly quiet ever since he arrived.

It’s all good until he hears a wheezing noise that sounds all too real and all too weird for it to come from the video.

He looks to you and immediately finds the culprit.

Your lips are parted with your neck extended forward and your chin tilted up a bit while you produce guttural sounds, making it seem like you’re choking.

“What are you doing?”

You face him, still looking like an idiot as you continue making a sound he’s never heard of with the same absurd upper body posture. He looks at you with abhorrence when he starts to realize what you’re doing. 

Are you actually trying to imitate a crocodile bellowing for a mate?

You sit up straight and beam at him with pride. “How’s that for a mating call?”

If he were a male crocodile, he’d find another estuary to escape away from that horrible sound you were producing. “You sound like you’re dying,” he says as he remembers how it seemed like you were hoarsely scratching your vocal cords together.

“Wait, wait. Lemme try again,” you announce with determination, which he finds pointless and  totally unnecessary. He doesn’t care if you successfully do it. He even prefers you stop trying at all.

Yet, you still pressed on. You resume your earlier actions, looking even more ridiculous as you start to sound and look like a seagull squawking repeatedly. 

He should be irritated since you’re wasting time. Instead, he puts a fist over his mouth, attempting to hold back a snort. You don’t seem to notice because your eyes are on the laptop as you keep trying to replicate what you’re seeing on screen. 

When you actually start choking, he lets out the laugh that he’s been holding in which makes you look at him. You try to speak but it comes out distorted as you’re still coughing from your mating call attempt.

“You look like an idiot.” He laughs harder when regret surfaces on your eyes while clearing your throat.

He recovers from his outburst of laughter at the same time you manage to soothe your voice back to normal. He’s expecting you to be embarrassed from the stunt you tried to pull, which you appear to be seeing as you’re  covering your face with your palms. You don’t seem to be upset though because he can hear your muffled giggles.

You quickly remove your hands and face him. “I was sure I could do it, okay? You didn’t have to laugh that hard!” Despite the pout you show him, your eyes twinkle with levity as you hold his stare.

How the fuck you can you be so weird but still so pretty at the same time? 

No wonder you have the rest of them wrapped around your pretty little finger. You just flash them that delightful smile of yours and you completely have them under your spell.

But not him, of course. Definitely not him.

Also, he tries to convince himself, he didn’t think you were pretty at all.

He’s just looking from the perspective of his teammates on why they adore you so much. Nothing more, nothing else. 

To him, you’re still the irksome manager he knows you are. This set-up is just temporary. He’ll never forget how you really are - overbearing, cunning, and infuriating. This strangely charming  attitude you’re showing him is just because of the temporary ceasefire between the both of you, and this easy, comfortable atmosphere is just born out of necessity. When this project is finished, you’ll be back to the real you. So he shouldn’t be wasting his time reading into whatever’s happening between you two.

“Should we continue watching?” you ask him lightheartedly as you hug your knees again, softly leaning your head against them.

The nerve of you to ask that. You’re the one who disrupted the videos, not him. He should be the one berating you to get back to the project instead of you pleasantly asking him to continue where you left off. 

“You’re the one who interrupted the whole thing in the first place,” he spats rather than answering your question, wishing you’d retort with something stupid so he can go back loathing you silently.

Instead, you simper apologetically and mutter a timid, “My bad.”

Then you extend your arm to his laptop and rewind to where the video was before you distracted him with your audacious growling.

During the remainder of the videos, he glances every once in a while to check if you’re going to do something distracting again. Fortunately, (or unfortunately, he can’t tell anymore which is worse) you stay well-behaved and entirely focused on the documentary with your arms wrapped around your tucked legs tucked and your chin resting to your knee.

When the documentaries end, he pulls up the video he took with your phone from your crocodile farm trip. Compared to the produced output you’d just gone through, the amateur video he captured at the farm is evidently not as exciting to watch. The quality is not that great because his hand had been shaky while filming it. He remembered not looking at the screen of your phone while filming it because he had been looking at you. 

Rather than noticing that aspect of the video, you comment about the audio.  “I can’t hear anything from the breeding pen. I only hear my voice and Sara’s.”

He’s about to reason out that you’re talking non-stop but he immediately realizes that it’s not necessarily a bad thing because you were asking Sara questions related to the project at that time.

“I want to hear them growling,” you declare. 

“I’m not sure they even were. This is an artificial environment for crocodiles. Also, we’re a bit far from them,” he explains. 

You face scrunches up with disapproval. “Why didn’t you just zoom the camera in?”

His jaw drops from how appallingly dim-witted your question is. He’d think you were kidding but you look genuinely upset because you can’t hear the sounds you heard from the videos earlier. 

First of all, just like he said, they might not even be making sounds at all. Secondly, your phone, despite being a good model, wouldn’t be able to miraculously capture sounds even if he zoomed it outrageously close to the reptiles. Lastly and most importantly, are you actually that dumb?

He doesn’t even know how to condense all his thoughts properly and convey how revolted he is from the amount of brainlessness you can put in one simple question that’s less than ten words. 

Your eyes go wide when it finally hits you too.

“Oh God,” you mutter weakly as you put two palms to cover the lower half of your face. 

You two share the same expression of disgust as you realize how stupid you sounded while you hold his gaze. 

You press your lips together in a thin line then bust your gut out with an uproar laugh that fills your room. You tug the sleeve of his shirt as you look at him with glossy eyes.

“I’m a dunce,” you admit with trails of laughter still seeping from your voice.

“Glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks so,” he says with half-hearted insult as he’s still figuring out if he did something or is it your own stupidity that’s causing your outburst.

You bite your trembling lips in an attempt to fend off another laugh, but fails to do so when you clutch his arm tighter and another round of jovial laugh escapes from your mouth.

You try to form a phrase but it’s drowned out by your own cackles. Still, he catches on with what words you manage to utter. 

You are laughing at yourself. 

He always thought you liked making fun of others because you’re always simpering every time someone’s at your mercy -- those boys who relentlessly try to hit on you; any member of the team who gets flustered when you praise them; and him, especially him, who seems to be your personal favorite person to pick on. 

Yet, he’s never seen you this elated before, with your face scrunched up as you go hysterical from your own silliness. 

He can’t help but think that maybe he misunderstood you a little bit. You’re not actually a pompous bitch. You’re just a crackhead who finds joy in the littlest, most foolish things.

“I swear to God, Tsukishima. Our university is in ruin for making me a goddamn scholar.” You let go of his arm and sniffle while wiping your tears of joy.

When you look up to him, your face is glowing. Your cheeks are flushed, your eyes are gleaming at him effervescently, and your smile is not as annoying as it used to be. 

Objectively speaking, it’s similar to your usual ones, except it’s also totally different. He can’t really fully grasp why but there’s something about it that distinguishes it from all the others he’s seen from you.

He must have been peering at you more than necessary because your smile dissolves gradually while your mirthful expression turns into a puzzled one. 

You’ve been trying to ignore the thought, but Tsukishima is definitely acting weird today; weird because he’s not as mean as he usually is. 

Well, duh. You do have some sort of agreement for him to tone it down. Still, you didn’t expect he’d do it this well. Even when he was laughing at you earlier, it wasn’t as demeaning as it should have been.

And to make you even more puzzled, right now, he’s just staring blankly at you. 

Generally, Tsukishima’s empty glares at you are not really empty. They contain inhibited disdain which he has not failed to show you over the years you’ve been their manager. Even when he’s actually trying not to let it show, you still easily see through him. 

But at this moment, you have no idea what’s going on in his head. His eyes are studying you quietly and you return his stare, trying to figure out what he could possibly be thinking. 

You’re about to ask him what’s wrong but as soon as you open your mouth, a familiar glint surfaces on his face as his gaze drops on your lips.

If the latter parts of the previous meeting were awkward, this one goes beyond awkward.

There is an abrupt drop of weight that looms across the whole room, a weight so heavy that you find it difficult to breathe. The room is spacious enough for two, but you feel like it’s too cramped up all of a sudden. 

It’s an all too familiar feeling that you did not anticipate would ever come back. In fact, it should not be back at all. 

It is as exciting as it is terrifying when you realize: you want to kiss him. 

You previously justified your actions as something sort of a ‘one time madness’ and. until now, you were sure it was just that. It was a whim brought by his sudden closeness fueled by the atmosphere of the club at the time. 

You were wrong.

Even at this dull, academic setting with him barely even touching you, you itch to feel him close. You want to relive the feeling of his body pressed against yours and his lips latched fervidly onto yours. 

Damn it. He should stop staring at you like he wants the same thing. It’s tempting you even more to give in to the urge even though you know you’ll regret it later.

But no, you really can’t. Once was enough. Twice will be a different story. 

You had assured him and yourself that it wouldn’t happen again. If you cross that line now, you’re going to have to admit the irrevocable fact that you’re attracted to him. 

You let out a shaky breath as you avert your gaze from his. 

You’re about to replay the video when you hear a sudden thud on the floor. You look back at him with worry only to see his hand slammed against the floor as he swiftly lunges forward to close the gap between you and him. 

His free hand goes to your chin and tilts it up as he crashes his lips on yours.

It’s just as you remember - calm yet impassioned, successfully sweeping away any incertitude you had about kissing him. Your mind is only filled with how good he feels as he impatiently drags his hand to your waist and tugs you closer. 

You wrap an arm around his neck to completely eliminate whatever space is left between your bodies. You grasp the back of his head as you return his kiss with the same ardor, your mouths naturally cascading against one another with a rhythm you two can perfectly understand and follow without any words needed.

When he sneaks his tongue in, you begin to forget what he is to you outside the confines of this room as you helplessly moan into his mouth.

You can tell he’s not doing so well either with how tight he’s grasping the small of your back as the intensity of the kiss grows with each ticking second. 

“Tsukishima,” you puff heavily as you withdraw away from him with half-lidded eyes, the feel of his lips still lingering on yours. 

You hope that the soft call of his name will be the voice of reason for him to stop kissing you. He needs to stop for you’re totally powerless to do it yourself. He needs to stop before it escalates into something else, something more.

Thankfully, he does stop. 

He takes a deep breath as his eyes travel from your lips up to your eyes, meeting your gaze to study the entirety of your features. 

He thought you were going to ask him to stop, hence the conflicted tone of your voice when you said his name. But the look on your face tells him otherwise. 

You like this as much as he does. He didn’t want to admit it last time, but fucking hell. You really do make a complete mess of his rational thinking with how good you taste, how your determined eyes mellow down within his embrace, and how you yield right on the first touch of his lips. 

He knows he should stop. It’s the perfect chance to do so. It shouldn’t matter how soft and pliant you are when pressed against him. It shouldn’t matter that you look like you want him to continue wherever this leads to.

But it does. He doesn’t want to stop, and he knows neither do you.

He grits his teeth in annoyance as he hisses at you, “Shut up.” 

Just like he did a while ago, he easily covers the tiny distance between your lips. He gets a little more greedy this time and slides his hand underneath your shirt, experimenting with what he can do to earn him another whimper from you. He’d like to revel on the sound of your meekness once again. 

It didn’t really take much. At the first contact of his palm on the bare skin of your waist, you instantly give him what he wants. 

Your soft moan fills his ears that he doesn’t hear the sudden clack of the door. 

“Y/n, did you do our - oh!”

You violently tug his head past the curve of your shoulder, making him take out his hand from your shirt and ram it against the floor to support himself. 

“Couldn’t you knock?” you ask breathlessly to whoever’s on the door.

He tries to free himself from you but judging from  how firm your grip is on his head, it doesn’t look like you want him to move from his current position. It doesn’t help that you’re almost choking him from how hard you’re pressing his neck against your collar bone. 

“I can’t breathe!” he whispers infuriatingly, but you don’t answer. You only clutch on his hair tighter.

“My bad, dude. I didn’t know you got yourself a boyfriend,” your friend says defensively. 

Out of all the possible times she could choose to come over, it had to be when you and Tsukishima were making out. You’re a tiny bit grateful for being stopped when neither of you wanted to, but more embarrassed that it was because your friend walked in on the scene. 

“Can you come back later?” you ask almost nervously, concerned that she might recognize that it’s Tsukishima leaning against you. She knows him because they used to have classes together last semester.

Your friend just shrugs it off and is about to close the door when her eyes catch Tsukishima’s jacket. Her eyes widen in shock when she sees the logo of the Sendai Frogs. 

“Holy shit! Are you dating one of your players?” She looks back at you incredulously. 

“Get out!” you yell out from agitation. 

She flinches from the sudden raise of your voice but is quick to understand that you need the privacy right now. “Okay, okay. I got it,” she mutters apologetically and whispers, “Sorry,” before she finally shuts the door.

You let out a sigh of relief when she leaves without figuring out that it was Tsukishima. As for him, he tears your hand away and faces you with fury seeping from his orbs. 

“Were you trying to kill me?!”

You dismiss his anger and regard him impassively. “Then would you have preferred your face being seen?”

“So what? It’s not like she knows me,” he leans forward towards you a bit to emphasize his point with the same angry tone.

With his face too close for comfort, you suddenly become aware of the fact that you’re still trapped between the arms planted on both sides of you. 

“Um, can you back off for a bit?” You turn away tensely, worried that you might want an encore of what your friend interrupted if you continue staring at him from this distance.

“Huh?” He sounds like he has no idea what you’re talking about so you place both hands on his chest to softly push him away.

He must have realized it then because he lifts himself off of you and sits back to upright. 

You try to settle down but to no avail. Your heart is still beating abnormally, despite being now  rid of your nosy friend and his dangerous proximity. The deafening silence rings in your ears and the air feels heavy again, your mind drifting dangerously back to the earlier events.

“This is your fault,” Tsukishima mumbles with a frown. 

You gasp at his audacity. “Excuse me? You’re the one who kissed me!” 

“Because you ...” he trails off before he could say what was going on in his head: because you looked so damn fascinating that he caved to his want for a repeat of that night. So it really is your fault. If you hadn’t kissed him back then, he wouldn’t have found out how exquisite it feels to have you succumb to him. Then, he wouldn’t have been tempted to kiss you at all. 

Shit. He sounds stupid, justifying his own reckless behavior. 

He looks down at your waist which he was just touching. If your friend hadn’t barged in, how far will you two have gone? 

He shudders at the thought. No. There was absolutely no fucking way you two would’ve done that. He won’t be able to stomach it if that happens. You might have been tolerable today, but that doesn’t mean he can stand the idea of going beyond making out with you. 

Did he just admit to himself that he doesn’t mind kissing you? 

“Because I what?” you ask him with an addled look. 

“Nothing,” he answers as he starts fixing his stuff. 

“Hey, what’re you doing? We still need to do a comparison write-up for the videos,” you say,  watching him pack up. 

“Let’s just pick up where we left off when we meet again.” He can’t be around you any longer today. You’re causing too much havoc to his usually sensible mindspace. 

“Aren’t we going to talk about what just happened?”

Not bothering to heed your question, he continues what he’s doing. After he puts the only remaining binder he has out back in his bag, he faces you. 

“No,” is his answer before he slings his bag over his shoulder and leaves your room. 

--

Damn that Tsukishima. 

As if you don’t have enough on your plate already, he adds another massive one on the pile. You wish you can just disregard it, push it at the back of your head like you did the first time. But you can’t. 

You were supposed to study the Lion’s new line, but you just end up zoning out every five minutes as the scene replays in your head. You even transferred to the lobby even though you hated working there just for a change of pace.

It turned out useless as people you know kept on stopping by for small chats. You couldn’t focus on the game footages which needs your full concentration to analyze.

So there you are, restless and distraught,  as you enter the gym with no printed output because you hadn’t accomplished anything at all.

Not that they need it today but you just generally like to have them ready in advance. You know your team. Almost everyone has their day jobs or are students like you. You don’t want to spring a hell load of reading material on them days away from the game. 

On top of that, you’re lagging behind the schedule you set for your project with the Tsukishima. No thanks to him for walking out the past two meetings.

“Do you have the profile of the Lions ready?” Coach Mira asks first thing when you get to her side. 

Great. Just great. You were hoping no one brings it up, but of course Coach has to. You did tell her you’d have it prepared by today.

“Sorry, Coach. I’ll have them ready by next training,” you quickly compromise for your setback. 

She swiftly turns to you with concern. “Are you sick?”

“Oh, no. I’m totally fine, Coach. Just had something to do last night,” you lie despite the guilt in your gut. The last time you were late with the team reports was when you became extremely sick. This time it’s because of some blonde guy that’s somewhere across the gym.

She breathes a relieved sigh. “Thank God. I don’t really mind them being not as early as usual. I just don’t want our trusted manager getting sick.”

Her small compliment makes you feel a bit better. “Thanks, Coach.” You give her a faint smile.

“Alright, can you toss to the spikers?”

You nod and quickly turn around, only to see the cause of your delayed work blocking your path. Typically, you’d say something but you’re too bothered with what happened that you just move sideways to avoid him. However, he moves in the same direction you do. So you go the opposite way again, only for him to follow. 

At this point, you couldn’t suppress the dry laugh that comes from how spectacularly ironic the scene is. 

You look up to him. “Tsukishima,” you call out as you give him that too sweet of a grin he hates so much. “I’d appreciate it if you use those blocking skills on the court instead of me, hmm?”

This is the you Tsukishima is very much aware of - detestable to the core. Yet, on top of his annoyance is relief. It’s reassuring to see that you’re still very much the manager he knows you are, not the somehow tolerable person he made out with last time.

So instead of answering, he does the usual and turns deaf ears at you. While you’re sneering at him, he moves further to the side and successfully gets past you. 

He’d tell you about his fix for the current dilemma you two are having, but with Coach within earshot, he’d rather not. He doesn’t want anyone, especially the team, knowing that you’re spending some time alone with him, let alone getting physical with him. He’ll never hear the end of it from them, so he’ll just text you later. 

--

You can’t believe Tsukishima actually suggested doing the project at their home. You don’t think he’s the kind of person who invites classmates to their house just because of school work. It is hard to imagine him introducing people to whoever he’s living with, let alone you.

Maybe they’re gone for the day. That’s why he invited you over. 

You ring the doorbell of the address he gave you. Quite soon enough, another tall blonde person opens the door. He must be another Tsukishima - a nice Tsukishima with a pleasant face that looks nothing like the permanent nonchalance plastered on the face of your middle blocker. 

“Yes?” the pleasant Tsukishima asks. 

You greet him with a warm smile. When you ask for the other Tsukishima you’re going to work with, his face noticeably lights up. “You’re looking for Kei?” he asks softly but with audible excitement. 

“Um, yeah. He asked me to come.” You’re very curious as to why he looks so pleased, but it’d be rude to ask him upfront when you just met him.

Before the guy in front of you can even answer, you already hear the voice of the one you’re looking for. 

“Let her in, Nii-chan.”

Nii-chan? Oh my God. That’s the cutest thing ever! You didn’t think Tsukki’s the kind of guy to address his older sibling like that. 

“I’m Akiteru by the way,” the older Tsukishima introduces himself as he opens the door for you.

“Y/n. here,” you respond delightfully then give him a gracious bow before entering. 

As you remove your shoes upon stepping inside, you already see Tsukki seated in the living room with his stuff set up. You don’t know if he’s started working on the project but he’s already focused on his laptop.  

You would've made yourself feel at home, but this is not solely his place. You don’t want to be impolite. 

“You can go join him, Y/n. I’ll go to my room now,” Akiteru kindly tells you and turns around. 

“Wait,” you blurt out.

He faces your way again. “Yeah?”

“Can I call you Aki-san? I don’t want to confuse you when I say ‘Tsukishima.’” 

He gently holds both your hands and pulls them up as he clasps them together with his.

“You can call me Aki-nii-chan if you want,” he says with a hopeful look on his face. You can tell he’s got the completely wrong idea about you and Tsukishima, which confirms your earlier assumption.

Yet instead of being uncomfortable, you find yourself amused. Tsukishima must have never brought a girl home before, thus the excitement and false assumption from Akiteru. 

“I think I like Aki-san better,” you respond respectfully, hoping that you don’t have to spell it out for him.

“Stop it. She’s just a classmate,” you hear Tsukishima say.

Akiteru lets go of your hand and laughs apologetically. “Sorry about that. I’ll leave you two alone now.” He smiles briefly at you and heads upstairs.

You walk towards Tsukishima and sit beside him. “What were you thinking inviting me over?” you instantly ask. You know he must already be aware of the possibility that his relatives would very likely  assume things, which was just proven true by Akiteru.

“As much I despise the idea of having you here, this is better than being in your place,” he says with his attention still on his laptop.

“How so?” You glance at his laptop and see that he’s working on a different subject than the one you have together. When notices it, he closes the tabs and faces you.

“We’re not completely alone here. We won’t get unwelcome urges.”

Oh dear Lord. So that’s what this is about. He thinks that being alone with you is the cause of it.

“I hate to remind you this, Tsukishima, but the first time we kissed was in the middle of a club packed with people. It’s not the place that’s the issue,” you emphasize the last sentence.

Before you went there, you decided to just accept the fact that you and Tsukishima have this uncanny attraction towards each other. The last meeting’s events were proof of that. Instead of getting all worked up trying to deny it or disregard it as something else, you just acknowledge it for what it really is. 

“Then what is?” Unlike you, he seems to entirely shut out the disturbing conclusion you came up with. That’s why he decided to meet here instead of your place despite whatever his family might think.

Too bad for him though, you’re about to break the news to him.

“We’re attracted to each other,” you declare without any reluctance.

“No,” he quickly rejects the notion. “I don’t care what you feel about me, but I am not in any way attracted to you,” he says every word with solid conviction that you’re not sure if it’s meant to convince you or himself.

“Right. Why did you kiss me last time then?” you counter.

“Whatever the reason is, that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to you. I tolerate you when we’re not in the gym. That’s the extent of what I feel for you.”

You sigh as you rub your face with your palms. “Why do you have to be such a fucking tsundere, Tsukki? I’m doing this for the both of us.”

His face contorts to one that’s filled with utter displeasure. “How the hell is this beneficial for us?”

“Hear me out and think about it before you say ‘no’ again,” you begin. “I think we should just give in to this weird thing going on between us.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You’re starting to get annoyed at this point. His denial of the situation is making him stupid. Does he think this is easy for you? You don’t want this either. But what can you do? The thick, unmistakable attraction is there.

For fuck’s sake, do you really have to spoonfeed it to him?

“Tsukishima Kei,” you let out one heavy puff before you say it. “You’re allowed to kiss me when it’s just the two of us,” you announce.

You’ve never felt more offended than when he looks utterly disgusted at your proposal. 

“Your head’s way too big from all the moronic ideas you're stuffing in it. Just because I initiated it last time doesn’t mean I want to do it again,” he utters each word with unrepressed contempt that makes you feel humiliated for suggesting such a thing.

You’re not a sensitive person. You can easily laugh off whatever anyone throws your way. Especially with Tsukishima since you know much he dislikes you. But that one - that one hurt. 

You shake your head and start taking out your stuff. “You’re right. It was a moronic idea. So forget I even suggested it,” you say while setting up your laptop on the table. 

You can’t stand the repugnant look on his face so you keep your eyes in front of you even if your laptop is still booting up.

“Let’s just do what we should be doing. Sorry, I wasted our time with my stupidity.” You don’t want to, but now you’re starting to really feel sorry for yourself. 

It shouldn’t be new or surprising to you. This is Tsukishima. His personality is terrible as hell. Yet, you wouldn’t mind a few kisses from him every now and then. You bared yourself just now by admitting that. 

Tsukishima must be so pleased you finally shut up because you don’t hear anything from him. You’re thankful for it because you don’t want to talk either.

Instead of dwelling on self-loathing, you distract yourself by giving your all to the project at hand. You’re already behind schedule so all the more reason to be efficient. 

No one speaks while you completely lose yourself on your tasks for the day. You don't know how long you’ve been going at it but before you even know it, you’re almost done with your share of work for the day. 

You just need Tsukishima’s output to finish yours.

With your head occupied with the amount of work you need to get done, you easily got over the tiny pang you felt earlier. You turn to Tsukishima and ask him for his write up. 

He frowns at your request. “You’re done already?”

You nod. “Just need your thingy then I can go home.”

He checks your laptop to see for himself and scowls when he confirms that you really are almost done.

“Give me 30 minutes,” he says as he begins rushing his own work.

“Don’t rush it, Tsukishima. I can do other stuff while I wait for you. Also, if you don’t mind. Do you have coffee?” You can feel the exhaustion begin to set in your body. For the past four nights, you’ve been getting three to fours of sleep only. 

As the only manager of the Frogs, you constantly have to move around the gym to help them out. But unlike the players, your real work is outside the gym - sorting paperwork, gathering information about other teams, coordinating practice matches, and so on. On top of that, you have your academic subjects to deal with.

You’re honestly used to it. But being a graduating student this semester, things are tougher for you. Not to mention the shit with Tsukishima, which has been bothering you for the past few nights. 

Well, at least that one’s been dealt with already.

You must have spaced out because you did not notice Tsukishima leave, and are surprised when he’s suddenly beside you with a cup of coffee already at hand. 

“Did you put sugar?” You might have sounded a bit demanding, but you’re too tired to be polite.

“No. Did you want some?” he asks back.

You get the mug and take that first sip of coffee that wakes up your almost dead body. “No, this is perfect,” you comment with a weary smile as you replace the current doc file open with the draft of the Lions’ profile you’ve been working on. 

Tsukishima can’t help but look at you once in a while even though he needs to finish already so you can finalize yours as well.

You’re completely immersed in what you’re doing, taking the cup of coffee to your mouth every now and then without even taking your eyes off your screen. 

He thought you’re getting restless but the quickening clack of your keyboard is proving otherwise. In fact, it’s becoming distracting. He’s about to put his headphones on so he can concentrate on his own task when he hears the abrupt slowing down of your typing. What’s alarming is he starts hearing you take excruciatingly deep breaths that wavers when you let them out. 

One look at you and he knows that you’re not okay. You’re blinking way too fast and the corners of your mouth are almost drooping. Those and your uneven breathing is enough to cause him to worry. 

He grabs your shoulder and forces you to look at him. “Oy, what’s wrong with you?”

You look at him with no clue as to what he’s talking about. “Hmm?”

The lack of life in your orbs is very concerning. It’s nothing compared to how you looked like when you were dead beat on the way home from the crocodile farm. 

“Are you having hard time breathing?” 

“Oh, that,” you let out a laugh that seems to contain the last strand of energy you have. “I’m just palpitating. Sorry if it’s distracting. You should go put your headphones on,” you say with a dead tone as you start picking up the pace again on what you’re doing. 

Just palpitating? Jesus Christ. 

He quickly takes away your coffee and slides it to his side of the table. It immediately catches your attention, your eyes absent-mindedly following the cup. “Hey, that’s my coffee. I need that,” you weakly complain.

“You need to rest,” he contradicts you. 

“I don’t need rest. I need to finish this and for me to finish this, I need,” you involuntarily inhale sharply and release it heavily before you complete your sentence, “that coffee.”

He checks your laptop and finds a comprehensive report on the updated line up of the Hiashi Automotive Lions. For someone who looks like she’s about to faint, it’s consistent with the other reports you’ve given the team previously - organized and well done. 

“You’re almost done here. Go take a nap.”

“Why would I take a nap if I’m almost done?” Despite the exhaustion evident in your whole being, you’re still determined to continue working. 

“You look like you’re about to pass out and I don’t want to take care of you when you do. So take a fucking nap on the couch,” he snaps. He didn’t mean to sound that harsh but it’s really getting on his nerves how you’re almost killing yourself with overworking.

You stare at him vacantly for a short while but do what he said. You drag yourself towards the couch and lazily lie yourself on it.

You cross your arms and rest them on the cushioned surface. Then, you snuggle your head on top of your arms as you wiggle your legs to a comfortable position. 

“You can use the pillows” he informs you.

“I’m fine,” you mutter with your eyes already shut. 

As much as he wants to get things done as fast as he can, your uneven heaving is a cause of concern. He keeps glancing behind him to check if you’re okay.

If he knew you’d be like this, he wouldn’t have given you the damn coffee.

He’s only able to start focusing on the project when your breathing becomes steady. Still, it took him more than 30 minutes to finish. He looks over to where you are again and calls out your name. However, you don’t even move an inch.

He walks towards the couch and sits at the unoccupied space by your waist. From this distance, he can see that your features are a bit more relaxed now even with just less than an hour of sleep.

He’s certain that you’ve been overworking yourself. It’s only because of your stubbornness that you were able to pull off the things you accomplished tonight. 

He’d let you rest a bit more longer but it’s going to get too late for you to go home on your own if he does. So he places a hand on your arms and gently shakes it.

“Mmmmm,” you hum on the arm you’re leaning at before slowly opening your eyes. With heavy lids, you plant your hand on the cushion and forcefully prop yourself up. Yet when you manage to sit up, you rest your head on your shoulder and close your eyes again.

“2 minutes,” you mumble sleepily.

He watches you fight the drowsiness that’s completely settled in. Instead of complaining when you still haven’t snapped out of it, he moves to sit beside you. He puts a gentle hand on the side of your head and softly tugs you to lean on his shoulder.

The moment your temple touches his shoulder, you bolt right up. His unexpected action has sucked the sleepiness out of you for a moment as you begin to put your guard up.

“I’m up. I’m up,” you announce in an alert manner as you scoot away from him. You frantically rub your eyes to get them to open.

So he isn’t imagining it: what he said a while ago got to you. Else, you wouldn’t have moved away like you’re allergic to his touch. You had been unusually quiet after he lashed out at you, but can you blame him for doing so? You’re basically saying that it’s okay to make out when it’s just you two. It’s fucking ridiculous. You should be thinking about how to avoid the situation from happening again, not succumb to it.

So why does he feel like a dick for calling you a moron? And why is he upset now that you’re actually doing what he wants you to do? Also, how the fuck are you so charming even when you’re half asleep before him?

“Are you done with yer stuff?” you slur as you crack your neck side to side.

“Yeah. But you should go home already.”

You blink several times as you check the wall clock across the room for the time. “Okay. Just e-mail it to me so I can do it before our next meeting.”

“No. Focus on your other shit then continue it when we meet next time,” he sternly says.

“We’re already behind schedule, Tsukishima. Just send it to me,” you insist despite how faint your voice is.

“I said no.” He doesn’t dislike you enough to make you overwork yourself to death. 

You close your eyes again and shake your head in surrender. “Fine. I’m too tired to argue further.”

Just when you’re about to stand up, he grabs your arm to stop you. Your eyes open up as you peer at him with confusion.

“I didn’t mean what I said earlier,” he utters with his best attempt to sound unbothered. 

Your brows crumple up from his statement that came out of nowhere. He just hopes that your fatigued self figures out what he’s referring to because he doesn’t want to elaborate on it. 

Sure enough, a palpable glint of understanding shows in your face when your mouth opens to form a silent “ah.”

“That, huh?” You respond just as vaguely as he had been. “Don’t worry about it,” you come up with a thrifty smile as you return your gaze to him.

“You were right anyways. It is a moronic idea. I just thought that maybe if we just let it ride out, it’ll pass. But meh. I just misread it and thought you enjoyed it as much as I do,” you explain in a nonchalant manner despite the confession that came along with it in the end.

Then, you giggle disorientedly. “You can rest easy now, Tsukishima. These disgusting lips of mine won’t come anywhere near you again, mkay?” 

He should be relieved, rejoicing even, that he’s pushed you away enough to keep your distance from him.

Yet what you said is gnawing at him for he didn’t say that. He never said your lips are disgusting.

Admittedly, he regrets kissing you on both occasions that it happened, but he’s never thought of it as disgusting.

Infuriating, yes, but not disgusting. 

“I’ll go fix my stuff now,” you say.

“They’re not disgusting,” he utters before you get off the couch. 

You look at him with vacant eyes that have begun to droop heavily again as a yawn comes out of you. You cover your mouth with your hands then lazily drop them to your lap afterwards.

You open your eyes and try to focus your sight again.

“Sorry, I conked out for like three seconds. Did you say something?” 

On a regular day, he’d think that you’re messing with him so he’ll repeat what he said. But the exhaustion still evident on your face convinces him that you really didn’t hear what he said. 

“Yeah,” he responds flatly before he leans closer to your face. He tilts his head a bit to the side and gently captures the warm softness of your lips.

The kiss lacks the heated intensity the previous two had. It is just one tender nip where he lingers just a tad bit longer to savor the taste of coffee mixed with your own.

He slowly withdraws from you but remains only an inch away that he still feels your breath mingling with his. 

“Your lips aren’t disgusting,” he repeats for you to hear this time.

Part 3 || Part 5 || masterlist

taglist (those crossed out can’t be tagged)

@ameliaxo @suikrem @akaashisslave @tsumurai  @loving-unicorns106 @flairlust @geektastic84 @anaiss97 @berna-dette @just4readingfics @suteorra @xxekitten69xx @simp4tsukkii @music-is-all-i-need @keshinslittlegirl @raspberrysunshinebby @iminlovewhaikyuu @pdiddy11 @lightyagamami @sailorscout1902 @lovershaikyuu  @expectonothinfromme @finnydraws @namelessidentity @hqbeesun @yatoatyourservice @mrkozume @suzuyamitsuki @celestialarchiveshq​

[cerastes]

Nothing negative (it’s positive, if anything), just work (and life) related so under a cut so as to not clog the dash.

I am very, very lucky that my boss also happens to be my mentor. I understand the mentality of “your boss is not your friend” and I don’t invalidate the mindset, in fact, I think it’s a very wise mindset to have and one that ensures your safety, but I do think that different life experiences and no doubt a different culture breeds another conception and a different culture, I mean, I come from a small mining town, as I’ve mentioned before, everyone knew each other and the zeitgeist was very brutish but sincere: You do me wrong, I beat you up. You do us wrong, we beat you up.

It’s far from civilized and I am not saying this should be the norm everywhere, absolutely not, but... It worked for us, you know? Small communities have that sort of advantage, midst its endless pros and cons. No one that had the intention to really could afford to play dirty because everyone knew where each other lived, pretty much, bwahaha. Vivid memory from my teenage years, but someone once got wind that burglars were going to break into their house, so they called a ton of their friends, myself included, to lay in wait and beat the shit out of the burglars when they broke in. And we did. And the cops just laughed it off. Man, the more I think about it, the more I realize how brutish we were. I don’t have any regrets about that, though. Of course, it’s not all roses and laurels since small communities, again, have a lot of negatives to them. Anyways, I digress, the thing is, I consider myself fortunate that no boss of mine has ever been bad to me. I chalk it up to luck, context, and my personal qualities, but I’ve had productive experiences all around.

Which takes me back to the initial point: I’m thankful my mentor hired me and is my boss. What kind of boss sits down and makes a couple of videos to teach you and train you more on the job to do something you’re technically hired to do, and thus should find out how to do on your own? I don’t know, it’s kind of very moving, I said I have no bad experiences with bosses, right, but my life has been a series of “figure it out” and “sink or swim” situations, not to get grim, but I’ve had to kick my legs very damn hard to avoid sinking in the mud for years, only half exaggerating by alluding to the fact that it could’ve costed me my life had I not kicked hard and frequently enough. I can’t count on my hands the amount of times I’ve had to somehow figure something out or face dire consequences with no one to help me. Sure, it ingrained into me a strong sense of individuality and, eventually, confidence in my own abilities, but at the cost of other things I now have the maturity to admit I do not have. So to have a mentor/boss who goes out of his way to make videos on his own time to better explain something to me so I learn to properly do it and stuff, like, stuff worth money and time, acts and knowledge he definitely is under no obligation to bequeath unto me, I don’t know how to react, man, it’s foreign to me, it’s definitely not what I expected. It’s good, it feels good, I don’t know how else to put it, I’m extremely thankful, and it also puts into perspective, like, just what kind of life I had been living until 2020 that a gesture like this is enough to pull at my heartstrings. I’m not at all the type that needs or wants intimacy but god damn if stuff like this doesn’t pierce right through me, because it’s tangible, it goes beyond mere good wishes, and it’s fueled entirely by good intentions turned into something you can feel and grow from.

I’m just kind of overwhelmed by the turns my life has taken. I have no debt, I finished my major and magister’s without taking a loan, a combination of scholarship and frugality (because no fucking way I was going to get involved in student debt), endured a lifestyle that I hated with every last inch of my heart for years, rarely was able to get stuff for myself because education is expensive and I had to put most everything into it, struggled with suicidal depression and a number of attempts (as you can see, I was thankfully not successful, because I am unkillable and have too many lifebars), and one by one, those problems were destroyed by These Hands. I reverse order to the order I wrote them, in fact, now that I read back a little. If you take anything out of this, it is that your problems are, in fact, vulnerable to your efforts, and that you can and should kill them before they kill you. Things do get better. In any case, point is, I’m just shocked that life has become so... I don’t know, I’m just really enjoying it and I feel like good things have come my way. It’s not like 2020 was the year in which all became good suddenly, obviously, it’s just that, if you ask the me from 10 years ago, from 2011, when I was at my lowest, what’d they think I’d be doing 10 years from then, my answer would’ve been either dead or “I don’t know”, but that was also when I made the conscious decision to say fuck everything, this cannot go on, and to start fixing my trainwreck of a fucking life, bolt by bolt if I had to, so 10 Years Ago Me was actually cool as fuck, I think.

10 years later, I think I can say that I did a pretty good job. 

But anyways, point is, it’s just weird to have a helping, teaching hand. It’s good, it just catches me the hell off guard. In a good way. It also puts me in checkmate in a way because if the help and care is provided out of nowhere, I don’t get the chance to polite decline it, bwahaha. Well, anyhow, lots of work needs to get done so I’ll get back to that now.

[lesbiancarat]

Haha its fine! Im book anon for a reason so take all the time you need! Before I start, I wanna apologize for the possible asks you got about the merch and hybe in general. I didn't intend to cause stress and need to be careful bdjahdsj so slap me with a fish!

Onto the ask! But agreed, I mean before the big kpop boom we saw, this was very common. Build a decent fanbase and then move to Japan or China. (Of course sometimes you see INSTANT movement in other countries but that depends on the company and such but you know what I mean) but since we do have the more global kpop era, we may see more companies do America which isn't a bad thing. It makes sense buisness wise so they will jump on it after debut or something. Thus I don't see it a bad thing for kpop groups to promote in America because hey, if in Korea they do sell western artist music who also tour there, kpop groups can also do the same ya know?

Now onto the hybe comment, I will try not to speak too much on it so I will try to summarize. I think my theory is due with merch from their main artist, they think maybe it could work with svt which maybe could but svt has a different fanbase so throwing on random merch won't make fans really want to buy (not saying some won't which kudos to you! As a fan you are allowed to consume what you please except not be a bad apple about it) so thus like the infamous water bottles which was done for bts, they thought why not do it for svt because bts fans sold it out apparently for a 2nd wave of it being sold again. (Which to this day idk why someone in the hybe team thought this was smart. Like...this is just in bad taste imo) I do wanna agree that it appears that hybe doesn't seem to have a proper art team for svt because while sometimes wild, I do know for their main artist they do have thoughtful merch based around say an album concept I recall. Kf course they will make mistakes i.e. the water bottles. I do wish it can improve because even though it is capitalism, I think fans do want decent merch. We have seen interesting ideas like svt making their own magazine and selling it lol. Of course it is hard to please because some fans want subtle merch ideas while others don't mind the vibrant pastel colors we got or some want wild ideas like svt figurines or something. Overall I hope I didn't drag this too much as I just wanted to respond back to you, I agree with many points you said so yeah cx I say let's also wait as this is barely what, a year or even less of svt being under hybe properly. Especially when hybe had its rebranding and expanding so things are being changed, I know fans are worried about this which is valid but let's not panic just yet. Let's come back in a year to this and see what has improved and what hasn't. (OK but peldis sold the boys rings!? :o since when!? I haven't heard of this actually, when did this happen if I may ask?)

Oof yeah sadly with streaming, many view "oh you don't stream it means you aren't a fan" when isn't the case (which is why I personally don't like when certain companies also do "listening parties" which seems a bit ???) I do remember this popped up big in 2017 but many fans called it out so it quiet down a bit. Like we didn't see it so often where fans were causing problems over it so idk why this returned nor what the cause of it was.

But thank you!! It really was a nice closing chapter, I think when I have personal stuff settled I will try maybe get a new bunny? And oohh congrats on the album! (Note to hybe or pledis. Please make the us store a more common thing, it makes things so much easier! Am happy it was at your place quick so kudos to the us store. Oohh wonderful choices! I think for many fans anyone or heaven's cloud seems to be the popular picks? For me, I may have to say game boi or heaven's cloud as well! Those songs make me just so happy? Like game boy is just so creative with the way it was made. As a video game nerd, it is perfection. I could make an essay about this song lol and heaven's cloud is just...wow. I feel so at ease with the song, comfortable and soothed. Like you are on a cloud lol. Also that is totally fine! Rtl was a grower for me (I blame the mv, it didn't do the song jusitice) but it is a bop and can't stop humming the chorus at random moments. Overall a great summer album. Just imagine any of these songs performed live ndjansns

lol don't feel too bad about it! honestly they weren't that bad + i can always delete asks if i really don't want to answer them, i just always get a bit paranoid that things will get out of hand so i may end up getting more serious in those situations OTL

and yeah i agree! i don't think it's a bad thing for groups to promote in the US, as you said, it's similar to groups expanding their fanbase by promoting in china or Japan or other asian counties, it makes sense from a business standpoint and there's nothing wrong with promoting in different countries. i just wish that some kpop stans understood that western and/or global popularity is a bonus and not a requirement for success. while they do have a global appeal, at the end of the day kpop's main audience is korea, and groups that achieve popularity in Korea have already achieved what they set out to do. but there's unfortunately a decent chunk of international fans that prioritize western popularity over anything and can't fathom that a group can be successful without being popular in the US. or they just talk as if their groups western achievements are more valuable than their Korean ones and to me that starts to look like xenophobia... (sorry if I'm repeating anything i said before in regards to this, i feel like i am but I'm too lazy to go back and check OTL)

since you sent this ask hybe released the caratland merch which was actually really nice, and today they also announced that there will be birthday merch for cheol (and presumably all members from here on out). we don't know what the bday merch is yet but some carats are already a bit miffed that hybe is even thinking to capitalize off the boys' birthdays... i bring both of these up bc i feel like the caratland merch proves your point that hybe is capable of designing good and thoughtful merch, and honestly this does reassure me a bit. but on the other hand them trying to capitalize off the boys' birthdays also proves that they still don't fully understand carats wants and priorities as a fanbase. which, if the future of seventeens merch is gonna be quality merch with some shitty cash grabs in between, i can live with that. I'm not gonna like the shitty cash grabs and i think it would be in our best interest as a fandom to not go crazy buying those shitty cash grabs, because if we don't then hybe will hopefully stop wasting their time and put more effort into /quality/. but if we get quality merch for important events like concerts and fanmeetings, i can live with it. as you said too, it can take time for these things to change, and we should all recognize that. but at the same time merch specifically is market driven, so i don't think it's a bad thing if people like @ hybe on twt about any bad merch that comes out in order to drive that change dhfkfj

but also on a maybe more fun note in regards to the merch... with some carats being upset about the bday merch i was thinking about what hybe could do for merch instead that would fill the niche of being at intervals throughout the year that could still be limited time drops but that carats wouldn't be mad at them capitalizing on and then i was like duh! they could literally just make merch off of going seventeen! honestly I'm surprised they haven't yet. maybe not merch for every episode, but they could have a line of permanent gose merch w a basic logo or something and then release limited time merch themed around some of the more popular episodes at various points during the year. I'm actually kind of obsessed with this idea now and for once I'm like hybe/pledis please capitalize off of this!! dhfkgjg

they never actually sold them, but for seventeens 3rd anniversary, pledis planned to sell replicas of seventeens rings. after it was announced carats were understandably upset since the boys worked so hard for those. luckily pledis heard carats concerns and put out an apology and didn't manufacture them in the end. I'm glad that at least they listened to carats even though it would have been better if they had never considered the idea in the first place :(

oh yeah listening parties are definitely just another marketing technique to boost streams. i think like with a lot of marketing techniques, it just depends on the execution. imo if they're done well it can be a good way for fans to connect while listening to an artists music, which is mutually beneficial for the company, but i can totally see a situation where companies get greedy and push it too hard. i don't know anything about what happened with them back in the day, but if you're curious why SVT had listening parties leading up to your choice, they were set up by UMG, the American distributor that SVT worked with for this cb. in this case the listening parties weren't just for boosting streams, but also likely for UMG to gauge interest. SVT isn't officially signed to a US label yet, but UMG's data from the listening parties could be used to show US labels whether or not there's enough interest for them to be signed. which if that happens we'd almost definitely see a more permanent US shop!

ahh yes, once you're ready I'm sure it would be great to have another bunny companion 🥺

yes! heavens cloud and gam3 bo1 are both such feel good songs! my sister actually added heavens cloud to their Spotify after i made them listen to the album in the car dhfkf it's now one of 6 kpop songs they have saved (4 of which are SVT... my influence 💅 DHFJFH) I'm certain we'll see some of the songs from your choice at caratland this year, hopefully it's all of them but I'd especially like to see heavens cloud and wave 👀 I'm also still crossing my fingers for an i wish live performance bc i can't believe my favorite SVT b-side is one of the TWO tracks they haven't performed live not including the new album (the other one being network love, which i would also like to see live!)

[onelastsho-t]

Signing Off, 05/02/2021

“Letting go is the easy part. It’s the moving on that’s painful. If I were to go back in time, there are a lot of things I will choose to change. But in the end, I will always choose you, over everything else.” 

It has been almost half a year since we completely stopped talking to each other. No form of communication, at all. It happened so fast yet so gradually. We went from talking non-stop everyday to zero communication. 

During this period of time, there isn’t a day where I stopped thinking about you. There are countless days where I almost wanted to drop you a text but it never happened. I still have our picture in my wallet and whenever I feel defeated by life, I look at it to give me some strength to carry on. You are still so alive in my head and in my heart. You are still, sometimes, the first thought I have when I wake up in the morning.

I think of you when I am commuting and passed by some places where we used to hang out. When I listen to songs such as “Yellow Lights”, “Us” and a lot more, especially “You Complete Me”. I still remember how you sang this song to me and it still warms my heart so much. When I go to a nice restaurant and the food taste great because you are such a glutton. When I watch a nice series on Netflix which I know you will definitely like. When I see cute dogs on the streets knowing you will shriek and wanting to pet them. Sometimes I just stare into space without any thoughts and you will just appear out of nowhere. All these thoughts always make me smile. The thought of you always makes me smile.

I wonder a lot if you think about me too. 

I still wish we didn’t have to go separate ways. But I understand that’s what was best for us at that point in time. You had too much on your plate and I had so much frustration with the situation I didn’t know how to handle it myself. I understand you did what was best for us and I think that’s the way you chose to love me. You saw what I couldn’t see. And for that - please know that I will always be grateful to you. For being so brave and for choosing this path to allow us both to heal properly. 

I will never be as brave as you. And maybe that’s why you will always be one of the strongest person I will know. Maybe the fact of you being so stubborn is good in this regard. You never give up no matter how tough the road ahead is. You never even flinch. You just continue marching on and choosing to fight the battle, even when you had to do it alone. I am so fucking proud of you and I will never stop saying that. 

I wish I wasn’t so afraid to wish you a proper “happy birthday” last year. I think love always makes me do stupid things. I recorded and uploaded a 25-minutes long video just to wish you a happy birthday weeks before 2 November 2020. But in the end, the video was never made known to you or to anyone. I even went to the Apple store wanting to pick up an Apple Watch for you because I know you have always wanted it. I replayed a lot of scenes in my head - how will you react? Will it stress you out? Is this doing more harm than good? It’s such a stupid idea. It was a tough battle and then at some point I realised I had no place in doing all of these. So, in the end, nothing was said and all these will forever remain as scenes played in my head. 

I think after all these time, you still care for me in your own way. Maybe watching my Instagram stories is one of the ways to let me know you still care, or maybe not. Maybe it’s all in my head. I don’t know and I think maybe I won’t ever know. 

To me, it doesn’t really matter that much anymore if you will ever get to read all these posts. Because I know, you are slowly achieving your goals. All I ever really wanted was for you to be happy and to have your inner peace. And I know you will have all that - slowly but surely. Remember? You appear to be happier and truth to be told, I am so so so happy for you. My heart still gets this tingling feeling whenever I see you smile and that’s when I know I will take a very very long time to get over you completely. Why do you still melt my heart?

Never thought you will have such an impact on someone right? You do. You are such an amazing person and I hope you will never stop telling yourself that. You brought me so much peace and happiness among the chaos. You taught me how to love myself better. And the list goes on. So please do know that you are not a bad person for hurting me because I know I hurt you too. It didn’t matter who hurt who and how much who fell short, a relationship is a choice to commit and I love you, that’s why everything else didn’t matter. There’s always bound to be hurt in a relationship and I quote the song “The Black and White” - call it what you need, but don’t blame yourself for me. 

You are so special and don’t you dare for one second think you are not. You are so precious. You always make me want to take care of you no matter how strong you appear to be because I know deep down, you are not. I ended up hurting you even though you are truly the last person I would ever want to hurt. I've always always wanted to protect you from this world, from anyone who wants to or who will hurt you. You will always be that special person in my heart holding that special place. And you will always be worthy, no matter how bad a person you think you are. Just so you know, you were never the bad person in my story and you never will be. Maybe I will forever have this regret of letting you get away but as long as I know you are doing well, everything’s going to be fine. 

I will probably always carry this hope of you coming back, no matter how much time has passed.

But for now, maybe this is the last thing I can give to you and also to myself. I forgive the long distance. I forgive the lack of communication. I forgive the pandemic for taking away the last chance I had to spend quality time with you. I forgive myself, I forgive us. Most importantly, I forgive you. 

I will always choose to forgive you because this lifetime is too short. Even though we were together for 2.5 years, I still feel like I wasn’t given enough time with you. I could have spent forever looking at you and not get bored because you will always find ways to either make me roll my eyes hard or laugh real hard. I could have spent forever getting lost in your eyes and the warmth of your hugs. I could have spent forever getting to know you - each and every version of you throughout this lifetime. 

But I know for now, greater things are waiting for you to achieve. I hope you will continue to be you. Never let anyone and any thoughts of not being good enough bring you down. Continue growing, continue scaling greater heights and continue fighting life. The future will always be daunting, perhaps it will overwhelm you and leave you doubting yourself. But please don’t ever give up, okay? Take a break when you are tired and continue to soldier on. I will continue to work hard and aim to achieve more too. And I can’t wait to hear good news about you in the future. I know I will be so happy for you for finally getting into the place in life where you always wanted and deserved. You deserve happiness more than anyone else.

We might never talk to each other again. Today could have been our 1000th day together. You are not mine anymore but I'm still a little bit yours. And I know after all these months, it’s probably time for me to move on from us. It’s time for me to move on from you. It was a privilege to love you, and it was a privilege to let you go. You are a tough act to follow but I gotta follow through.

I will try my best not to scream in my head “cute” or “beautiful” the next time I see your picture on social media. I will try not to pause for a short while the next time I come across your profile because trust me, I still do. If you happen to read this someday down the road, please just know that I still care so much for you but I think this is the best I can do for you. I will always care for you in my own way. I will always keep you so close to my heart.

I still love you and I am aware that I am still very in love with you. But I know if you felt the same way, you would have spoken to me because the ball has always been in your court ever since we stopped talking. 

Maybe someday we will meet again as better versions of ourselves and the time will finally be right for us.

But for now, as of this moment, here’s me signing off from this platform and taking baby steps to move on from you. It will take a lot of self-awareness, a lot of effort and a whole lot of time. Maybe I will spend this lifetime moving on from you. Or maybe I won’t ever move on from you but I know I gotta try. 

I don’t know what is waiting ahead of this road but I know, you will always be living somewhere inside of my heart and this I promise - nobody can ever take away. 

If along the way you meet someone who treats you well, from the bottom of my heart - I truly wish you well and I hope the person will know how to cherish and love you because you deserve all the good in this world. 

Please don’t tolerate bullshit again, okay? Don’t be stupid hor please (so singlish on Tumblr I know but it’s ok no more aesthetic after all these wordy posts). Grow up already so must know how to protect yourself please. Don’t be so stubborn also. I know your love hate relationship with cats but please do not get your allergy triggered by petting them especially at your void deck. Stock up more cooling water at home in case of emergency headache or fever. Also try not to scratch the spot on your head whenever you are in deep thoughts if not later really become baldy (HAHA)!! And lastly, avoid your black hole at all costs. I repeat - avoid at all costs. If you ever fall into it, just know that those thoughts are not real and get out of that place asap, okay? 

Go be weird, go be you, go conquer your demons and the world. I'm so thankful I met you in this lifetime you have no idea.

Important things must say thrice: 

I will always miss you and I will always love you. All ways. I will always miss you and I will always love you. All ways. I will always miss you and I will always love you. All ways.  

Till we meet again, take care.

Signing off,  Jes 

[zorya-wellness]

Tarot and Books: TOP 10 Books on Tarot for Beginners that Will Help You Become a Professional FAST

It’s not a secret that nowadays, many start their Tarot journey by watching YouTube videos, Instagram IGTVs and Reels and simply reading posts on the internet or social media.

Are the books dead then?

They are absolutely not.

While all mentioned above provides with an enormous amount of information, this knowledge should not replace a proper education that includes courses and literature.

As someone who spent approximately 100 hours on educational COURSES ONLY, studying from various professional across the globe, I can still say that when I read a good book on Tarot, some aspects are mind blowing and eye opening.

At this time, there are so many different books available to purchase, both hard copy and electronical. Some give away their books and guides for free, while others come up with beautiful Tarot decks in addition to their published work.

What I’m really trying to say here is that for a beginner it will be difficult to figure out which book is worth investing in and which one is a waste of money.

For example, does a beginner need “The Complete Book of Tarot Reversals” by Mary Greer? What about “365 Tarot Spreads: Revealing the Magic in Each Day” by Sasha Graham? Does a beginner really need all these spreads when they are just starting out getting familiar with the energy of the cards?

Let’s figure it all out.

Does A Beginner Tarot Reader Need to Read Educational Books?

Of course, educational Tarot literature is necessary for beginners, especially those who are barely familiar with Major Arcana Tarot cards meanings. You need to understand key symbols, variations of interpretations and combinations.

On the other hand, here is something you need to be mindful of: nowadays SO MANY Tarot readers and authors start writing books based on their own PERSONAL views, interpretations and “author’s created techniques and methods” that sometimes they start to deviate from traditional card meanings and interpretations.

Is it good or bad?

Neither, really. When you advance in Tarot, you will start feeling each card in your own way and may also see some aspects slightly differently and that’s quite normal. BUT for a beginner it’s just not good at all.

When you are just being introduced to the world of Tarot, I always suggest that you stick to the classics. You just can’t go wrong with a traditional Tarot deck and a few good books to support your education.

RELATED POSTS: TAROT FOR BEGINNERS: HOW TO BECOME A GOOD TAROT READER: My 3 Tips for Beginner Tarot Readers

Author’s opinion can certainly broaden horizons, improve and stroke your imagination, and really explain how the traditional meaning of the card can be expanded.

On the other hand, some beginners that don’t want to invest in proper education, may take this “point of view” as the holy truth and the only way to interpret the card.

As a result, their readings will be of poor quality and it will take time for them to understand why.

It’s important to mention that some of the books that come as a package with a Tarot deck are a true masterpiece and also a must-have when you are working with their deck. And truly, in my humble opinion, you should only buy a deck that comes with such book and not the teeny tiny black and white book that gets lost in your drawer.

Lastly, I’ll say that the best and most perfect Tarot book is the one that ignites your imagination, inspires you to learn and practice, and really helps you to believe in your abilities and trust your intuition.

What Types of Tarot Books Will You Find on The Market?

Before I give you the list of my Top Tarot books, let me explain to you what you can learn from them.

Tarot literature should be divided in the following categories:

· “Base” Books: these are your “must read” books that will help you to understand the cards well and really feel each card. They will contain practical examples and advice, as well as useful spreads with guidelines. These are the Tarot books I will be focusing on below in this Blog post.

· “Additional” Books: these Tarot books provide with additional materials to improve and deeper understand Tarot from all the different angles, mystical and occult studies.

Some examples would include numerology, Kabbala, astrology, reversed Tarot cards, Tarot and Ritual Magic, as well as some author’s unique techniques for using Tarot. An example could be creating a psychological portrait of a person using Tarot cards.

These are definitely NOT must haves for Tarot beginners but you can selectively purchase them later on based on your interests and also gaps in your knowledge.

I included reversed Tarot cards in this section because MANY Tarot readers, myself included, do not read cards reversed. It is absolutely not a must and you can give quality readings just the same without reading reversals. In fact, I’ve noticed that they tend to scare the beginners off from learning Tarot because people find them confusing.

· Literature That Comes With a Deck: this is something I have already briefly touched on in this Blog post. These books are written by a person that created a Tarot deck and wishes to make sure that a person using it, understands where they are coming from and should the meaning deviate from the original, it would be explained in a great detail why and what it means for you.

RELATED POSTS: TAROT FOR BEGINNERS: STARTING WITH BASICS. HOW TO CHOOSE A TAROT DECK that is right for YOU.

A good example of this is using Tarot: Journey into Egypt Tarot deck that is absolutely gorgeous and one of my favorites. This deck is definitely NOT suitable for beginners. Not only there are variations of card meanings based on the history of Ancient Egypt, the creator of the deck chose to switch Fire and Air elements in Wands & Swords suites and this dramatically changes how you would read the elements energy in a spread.

What Are Some of The Best Tarot Books for Beginners?

I want to just put it out there: these are some of MY PERSONAL TOP books for beginners and some Tarot readers may disagree with me and have their own list.

I trust that you have read some of my other blogs or have been following me on Instagram for a while to really establish a connection and understand what type of a Tarot Reader I am.

“The Key to the Tarot” which was later expanded and republished as “The Pictorial Key to the Tarot” by Arthur Edward Waite

These books are mentioned first because most people start their Tarot journey using a traditional Rider-Waite Tarot deck.

The book "The Key to the Tarot" describes symbolical and divination meanings for Rider-Waite Tarot deck and they are offered by the creator of the deck himself.

This really is the SOURCE for your Rider-Waite Tarot studies and a Tarot beginner should never skip this book because no one can give you better information than the creator.

Whether you are going to use Tarot for divination, meditation or magical and ritual work, this is your NUMBER 1 BOOK.

"The Holy Kabbalah" by Arthur Edward Waite

Now, IF you are planning on sticking with Rider-Waite deck for some time and work as a professional Tarot reader with clients, you should really consider "The Holy Kabbalah" book.

You probably heard people ditching this deck because it is highly "kabbalistic,” but this is some very powerful and ancient stuff and you really need to consider this before you switch this deck for some rainbows and unicorns.

This book by Arthur Waite is a very rich in information and well documented source. 

"The Ultimate Guide to the Rider Waite Tarot" Book by Evelin Burger and Johannesburg Fiebig

This book is my absolute favourite companion to this day. I have mentioned it before in my other blog post because I am so in love with it, I feel like it is worth preaching about it again and again.

I was actually quite hesitant to purchase it.

It was my FIRST Tarot book and I bought it together with my first deck! So, here it is my absolute beginner book suggestion from a perspective of a beginner!

I have no regrets about purchasing it. I referred to it a thousand times while I was studying cards and here is why.

It was always my goal to become a professional. And I believe that as a professional you need to know your cards inside out.

And you can’t really do this without understanding properly WHAT IS ON THOSE CARDS!

What does the tree mean? What about a blue colour? Is this an astrological symbol?

You NEED to know these things! Because this blue colour or astrological symbol of Venus repeat thought the deck and unite the cards that contain them.

You will be able to truly know your deck when you know those symbols. And it’s the same thing with any deck. If you go with Thoth Tarot, you will need to spend some time learning about Alchemy because this was Crowley’s thing. And if you want to use Rider-Waite deck, you will need to learn his techniques and methods.

In this case, this book is your best friend.

The book gives a short description for each important element of the Tarot card. It also gives a short basic meaning of the card AND its meaning as a card of the day which is amazing because most beginners start to practice Tarot by pulling their daily card and journaling it.

Lastly, which I think is great, is that it gives Tarot card’s meaning in love and relationship. And let’s be real, relationship questions comprise 70% of all Tarot reading, if not more.

"Secrets of the Waite-Smith Tarot: The True Story of the World's Most Popular Tarot" by Marcus Katz

This book is considered to be one of the best on the market for Rider-Waite Tarot.

From this book we can learn more about the lives of Pamela Smith (the artist of the deck) and Arthur Waite.

Just when I started reading this book, I could already feel so immersed in the world of Waite's Tarot. The author of this book did an incredible research job to put all this information together.

This book has it all, from descriptions of each Arcana and examples of spreads and understanding how to use them, to the lives of two great people that gave us the most used Tarot deck of all time.

You will really feel being a part of the wonderful world of Tarot after reading this book.

“21 Ways to Read a Tarot Card” by  Mary K Greer

Mary K Greer has come with a truly unique and wonderful method that gives you 21 ways to interpret each Tarot card.

Just as the Fool travels through “The Journey of the Hero”, the author offers anyone to join the journey and experience the transformational power of Tarot.

You will learn the mysteries and wisdom of Major Arcana and live through the cards to deeply connect with them and understand their true meanings.

Mary K. Greer shares her personal and unique knowledge and approach to Tarot that in turn will help you to get the answers to the most important questions using Tarot cards.

What is most encouraging is how she  really draws out from your heart all those hidden negative patterns and emotions and guides you on how to turn them into positivity and growth.

The author also helps you to create your own new reality and encourages you that no matter where you are right now in your life, you can always start your journey again from scratch and accomplish your goals.

To sum up, the book will teach you the following:

· How to create and maintain a Tarot journal properly (throughout the years of my work with Tarot beginners, I have noticed that many start Tarot journals but don’t seem to go through with them for a long time).

· It will teach you the author’s own method of learning each card and obtaining additional information when necessary that still is applicable for your traditional cards use.

· The book will provide you with rather novel ways and methods of Tarot spreads interpretations.

· It will really broaden and deepen your understanding of each card which in turn will help you to interpret combinations better.

I personally think that this book is a real gift to those trying to become good Tarot readers from the start, but also to those who want to improve the quality of their own life and relationships with others.

The book of Mary K Greer 21 “Ways to Read a Tarot Card” is not only about studying the cards, like most others, it’s also about how to transform your life with Tarot.

And, honestly, lately I have seen a lot of beginner Tarot Instagram profiles of people trying to use Tarot to get through trauma, loss and challenges. But people tend to give up quickly because all they do is read cards daily for themselves and if this is all you do, trust me, you will get bored quickly.

This book will help you on this journey and will teach you how to use Tarot for transformation, growth and happiness.

Tarot for the Healing Heart: Using Inner Wisdom to Heal Body and Mind by Christine Jette

The book focuses on the utilization of your inner wisdom to heal your mind and body.

It is a very powerful book written by a nurse with 30+ years of work experience, bachelor in Psychology and a professional energy healer and a Tarot reader.

Wow don’t you think she’d have a lot to tell??

Because she definitely does.

Her focus is using Tarot cards for healing and, in particular self-healing.

So often I see people trying to use Tarot to overcome trauma, to heal their body and soul and they just struggle to figure out how to do this.  

While I mentioned Mary K. Greer teaching somewhat similar things in her book, this one really expands the subject of healing.

The symbology of Tarot carries the healing messages that can activate and kick start self-healing processes in your body, ultimately guiding you to becoming whole again. And feeling whole is what paves a path to healing.

And in this book, healing process is divided into 4 levels by the 4 Suites of Minor Arcana in Tarot: physical (Pentacles), emotional (Cups), psychological (Swords) and spiritual (Wands).

By using symbology and Tarot spreads provided, you will be able to get information on which level is blocked and what you need to do to lift this block and allow energy to flow freely again.  

“Tarot Tips” by Ruth Ann Amberstone, Wald Amberstone

This books is very unique in a way that it’s is more of a Q&A writing style.

The Authors Ruth Ann Amberstone and Wald Amberstone at this time have over 70 years of Tarot experience and are founders of The Tarot School.

The Tarot Tips books is composed of techniques and methods of work with Tarot cards. It contains information and very clear answers to 78 real questions that were asked by the Tarot readers from the various Tarot schools and backgrounds.

It will be equally beneficial to a beginner and an advanced Tarot practitioner.

If you are a beginner, the book will give you some incredible insights, ideas and recommendations on how to use Tarot.

This wraps up my list for some MUST have Tarot books that every Tarot beginner should read.

Thoth Tarot Books

Of course, it’s necessary to mention Thoth Tarot, particularly for those who are starting with it their Tarot journey. While I myself don’t recommend this, I have met those who used Thoth Tarot deck from the very beginning. There are way too many books on Thoth Tarot, so I want to tell you which ones I do AND do not recommend.

Recommend:

“The Book of Thoth” by Aleister Crowley

It is always best to start with the book written by a person who created the deck. Even though not all deck creators are the best writers and the books can be tedious and, at times, difficult to follow, you should still give them a chance. You should also check out other books by Crowley because he really was an incredible person. 

"Understanding Aleister Crowley's Thoth Tarot" by Lon Milo DuQuette

This is also a very good work and is absolutely worth a purchase. The book gives cards descriptions and elements that Crowley added or changed based on his vision and work he’s been doing during his life.

Books I do NOT recommend:

“Tarot: Mirror of the Soul: Handbook for the Aleister Crowley Tarot” Book by Gerd Ziegler

“Keywords for the Crowley Tarot” Book by Brigitte Theler and Hajo Banzhaf

These books I would recommend to avoid amongst others “best sellers” for Thoth Tarot, due to the many inaccuracies and wrong interpretations. I don’t blame some of the authors. Thoth Tarot is not easy to understand and not everything was explained by Crowley himself, but you can clearly see that some people haven’t even tried.

"Tarot and Astrology: Enhance Your Readings With the Wisdom of the Zodiac" Book by Corrine Kenner

I want to also suggest you a few books that I would include into my "Additional literature" section because if you want to really dedicate your time to study Tarot on a professional level, sooner or later you will get into other aspects that are integral parts of divination.

Astrology has a very big influence on Tarot and I think Corrine Kenner has done an amazing job to put everything together for the reader.

The book starts with Astrology basics with regards to Tarot but also talks about the twelve signs of zodiac and the planets.

I personally offer 12 Houses of Astrology Tarot reading every year in December and it's always a huge success because it is an extremely informative and fun reading, so a book like this helped me to connect even deeper with Astrology.

Some actually use Astrological aspects of Tarot to predict and plan dates, so if that's something you are interested in, this book will also be very helpful for you.

Bonus Book 📚✨

"Understanding The Tarot Court" Book by Mary K. Greer and Tom Little

Lastly, I want to include this book because we all know that Courts cards tend to be the most difficult to understand and interpret in a Tarot reading.

While some think that Court cards solely describe a specific person, the authors of this book give a suggestion on how to use these 16 cards as a tool to describe different variations and sides of personalities of the querent and people in their life.

Whichever method you choose to follow, this book has a massive amount of information and will definitely make your Tarot journey so much easier.

[triananero]

Yuki Hayashi Birthday Project! 2019 edition

You might not have heard his name, but chances are you heard his music: this amazing Japanese composer is the genius behind the soundtracks for anime like Haikyuu!!, Boku no Hero Academia, Death Parade, Kaze Ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru, Kiznaiver, One Piece Gold, Ballroom e Youkoso, Dive!!, DRAMAtical Murder etc along with many dramas. Hayashi-san really appreciates having people from different countries listen to his music (tweeting in English and, for example, asking how he can make his music more accessible for overseas fans), and he’s always loved it whenever we would come together to wish him a happy birthday (we’ve been doing it for 2 years, and each time he personally thanked the participants in his own way, and I can tell you that he was pretty emotional :). We decided to do it again this year, so if you appreciate wonderful music in your favorite anime/drama, please dedicate just a bit of your time to thank the hardworking person behind it!

We don’t have much time, since his birthday is December 31st, and yet we decided to make a video (if you’re too shy to record it/don’t have an opportunity, don’t just scroll down, please keep reading). You can participate in this project in 2-3 following ways:

— make a video (preferably);

— take a picture (if you are unable to make a video or if you’re too shy for it, for example);

— if you don’t have an opportunity to do either, but you still really want to participate, do contact me, and we’ll try to figure something out.

The pictures will also be a part of the clip, of course.

VIDEO: you have to make a video of yourself (10-15 sec) where you we ask you to speak about Hayashi-san’s music — how would you describe it, what does it make you feel, what it inspires/motivates you to do. Basically, we want to show just how much we appreciate his amazing music. If you have some personal experience with it, that would be absolutely perfect — the more unique your words, the better. You should speak in your NATIVE language, as it’d show how many fans Hayashi-san has from all over the world. Naturally, we will translate your words into Japanese (and add subtitles).

— the video should be 10-15 seconds long (can be shorter, CAN’T be longer — you can bypass the limit if you have a friend/someone who is willing to translate your words into Japanese (or if you can do that yourself — but please do speak your native language anyway));

— horizontal format;

— GOOD QUALITY (480p at least; if you can’t manage that, better take a picture);

— make sure that you can be seen clearly and that the video isn’t too dark;

— SPEAK LOUD AND CLEAR, preferably without background noise (it’s much easier for us to make your video quieter than make background music quieter so that we could hear your voice, so please, please speak louder);

— if you have an opportunity to record this video in a beautiful place, or near a famous spot of your town, that would be awesome (unless it’s too noisy);

— your pets can definitely take part in the video if you want them to, Yuki Hayashi himself loves dogs (but any pets are okay, really);

— you could also make a video near/with your musical instrument and maybe say something about how his music inspires you to play etc;

— you can use things somewhat connected to the anime that Yuki Hayashi composed music for (like a volleyball);

— please do not go anywhere near CDs/Youtube/any other illegal ways of listening to his music that you probably used in your short speech (unless you actually have CDs);

— please refer to the composer politely — Hayashi-san;

— send us a TEXT of what you’re saying along with the video as it will speed up the translation process significantly (the text should be in English if you’re speaking your native language).

PHOTO: you can take a picture of yourself with a piece of paper and write something nice on it (or you can paste something right onto your picture, but keep an eye on the composition). The content should also be about Hayashi-san’s music (described in detail in the video section).

— the picture should also be horizontal;

— please make sure its quality is high enough so we can clearly see&read everything;

— really shy people can take a pic of their pet instead, hide their face behind the piece of paper with their words on it, or draw something (but drawing is the LAST resort in this particular project);

— please also provide us with a TEXT you write/paste on the picture.

ALL PHOTOS AND VIDEOS should be sent to the following email address titled “Yuki Hayashi Birthday Project”: ksseniya777@yandex.ru

Please do not forget to send us the TEXT of what you’ve said/written along with the media material!

DEADLINE: the main one is December 1st. DEADLIEST DEADLINE is December 20th. This does NOT mean that you can wait all the way until the end of December to do it. Please, please try and understand us. Last time we did a video-project 2 years ago, we received around 80% of the entries between December 18th-28th, and let me tell you, that was hell. We would like to have enough time to edit everything properly and send it to the composer on time. If you can’t make it before the main deadline (December 1st), please let us know (here, on my Twitter or via email) so we know to wait for you. 

There’s also a special service available for airheads like me: message me on Tumblr/Twitter or email me, and I will put you on the “kicking list”, meaning I will remind you about the project from time to time until you send me the stuff (because you can simply forget about it in 2 months, trust me, I know).

EXTRA INFO: Here is Hayashi-san’s Instagram. He really loves his doggos, especially his “daughter” Chloe-chan (we often see her on OST covers). He adores it when people draw her~ A while back Hayashi-san used to do rhythmic gymnastics. 

I’ll be attending his concert in January, so if you’d like to send him a letter/present, hit me up!

If you have any questions, feel free to hit me up on Tumblr or Twitter! Also, if you’re experienced in making clips and would like to help, please do contact me, as we could use some more help!

Please, do not sit out on this and join us to make this simple, but heartfelt present for our favorite composer. It won’t be much of a trouble for you to participate, but trust me as a person who saw Hayashi-san’s reactions — the impact it makes is huge, and so, so worth it. Let’s connect and show Hayashi-san that his works are truly loved all over the world! :)

We would be really grateful to everyone who participates! ;>

[leejeongz]

stray kids reaction to their s/o having dimples

😔unfortunately i can not relate but anyone who has dimples is automatically cute and they should know that i will fall in love with them 😔

😀thanks for requesting and thanks for saying u love my blog i’m gonna go cry bout that now ehhehehehe so sweet 😀

scenario: you and your boyfriend had been in a long distance relationship for around 6 months, calling and texting whenever you could. because of the grainy video quality, he’d never noticed you had dimples before and you never really thought to bring it up. when you met for the first time, of course you smiled at the sight of him and then he saw them...

bang chan:

“oh” he paused for second, hands holding your arms down while he twisted you around on the spot. “we’re dimple twins” he laughed. he poked yours, poked his, then poked yours again.

“who would have thought it?” you laughed with him. you thought about all of those soulmate fanfics you used to read about your favourite celebrities. “maybe this is our soulmate thing?” you pointed between your faces jokingly.

“maybe” he winked before he took your hand and continued his day with you. secretly he wished throughout the whole time you spent together that people would bring up your matching dimples and say how perfect you were together.

lee know:

once he’d finished hugging you, he pulled away to look at your pretty smile again.

“face holes” he whispered cutely while poking your dimples.

you looked at him weirdly, he did come out with some strange things but you think you just heard the number 1.

“do you have to make everything weird?” you asked sarcastically.

“you’re the one with face holes” he scoffed. you had no response to that, like how should one even respond you thought. “they are cute face holes though if that makes it any less weird” he joked trying to fill the silence.

“it does not”

changbin:

he thought he saw them, he wasn’t too sure though so he had to wait to see them again just incase. he spent the rest of the day trying to figure it out but your eyes were too distracting. either that or he couldn’t help but kiss you at the time.

you decided to end your first day together by going to his favourite restaurant. you ordered your food and smiled at the waiter, and there they were.

“hmm so it’s true” he reached over the table to squeeze your cheeks “they’re cute i like them” he giggled.

your face flushed red, the waiter had seen it all. changbin hadn’t even ordered yet. “sorry you had to see that” you said to the waiter standing awkwardly.

hyunjin:

“hello dimples” he said staring at them. “i’ve never noticed them before y/n but... they’re cute” he didn’t seem convinced.

you looked at him with furrowed brows and asked “are you sure you like them?” to which he nodded. “could you perhaps... i don’t know... tell your face?”

he shook his head as if to shake off a daydream. “i’m only joking baby, they’re EXTREMELY cute” he giggled out while opening his arms for a hug. “anything that you have is cute, including me of course”

you pulled away from him and gave him a disgusted look “i’ll go back home, don’t test me Hwang Hyunjin” you joked.

han:

he pinched your cheeks almost immediately after seeing them. he was literally about to die from how cute you were like he was NOT doing well. he smiled so brightly at you and giggled a bit before asking “have you always had those?”

you looked at him, still smiling but this time smiling at his silly question “i mean yeah, but if it makes you feel any better not many people notice them or point them out. i feel so honoured that THE han jisung did” you sniffed like you were crying

by the point he’d let go of your cheeks, now grabbing his heart dramatically “y/n don’t do this to me, i might cry!” he exclaimed, his smile getting bigger and bigger with every word.

felix:

he let out the most outrageous noise when he noticed them. “can i touch them y/n pleaseeeeeee?” he begged. you didn’t even know what he was on about which was the funny thing.

“touch what?” you questioned, slightly apprehensive about his response.

“your dimples, silly” by this point, he was already touching them anyway, regardless of if you said yes or no. “they’re SO cute oh my gosh why am i so lucky to have you.”

you laughed at hit his chest playfully “they’re just dimples, no biggie”

seungmin:

“does that mean you never properly smiled while we spoke on call y/n? wow you’re such a fake” he joked while staring into your eyes and holding your hands. you couldn’t work out why he asked such a question and your face seemingly gave that away.

“... because of the dimples” he added “ya know those things that come out when you smile?”

“OH” you quickly had to think of a response “i think the quality was just bad when on call, even when i think about you i smile, Seungmin”.

he kinda felt bad now for making such a joke and so he decided to hug you to hide his embarrassment “stopppp, you’re making me blush” he said in the sweetest tone ever.

you wish you saw him blushing now.

jeongin:

“AHHH CUTE” he screamed at the top of his voice. you were sure people on the other side of the world could have heard him. “dimples are my favourite” he smiled “especially on you”.

you complimented him back on his dimples. they really were cute, but you were definitely not gonna shout about it in a public place.

“sorry was that a bit much?” he asked, his eyes sinking a little. your heart broke at the sight. “they’re just so cute i couldn’t help myself”

“no no don’t worry, just...” you tried to find the right word “unexpected”. he smiled again. “TWINS” you shouted as loudly as you could. oh the things you’d do for that boy.

gifs aren’t mine

[petersasteria]

The Forces of Nature || Ch.10

Pairing: Peter Parker x Superhero!Reader

Summary: “There’s this kid out there that can control the wind or something. I think she’s a great addition to the team. Let’s recruit her.”

SERIES MASTERLIST  ||  PP MASTERLIST

Click the picture for better quality

"Step five. Let her know you're Spider-Man. I don't know how, but she'll have to know." Peter muttered to himself as he silently read step five that was on the recruiting method which was pinned on the bulletin board in his room above his desk. For the next three days since Friday night, a.k.a the night he did step four, he had been reading and re-reading step five over and over.

After all, telling Y/N that he was Spider-Man was different and he had never done it before. Ned, aunt May, and MJ found out and figured it out on their own. "At this point, Y/N may have already figured out." Peter told himself, but he immediately shook his head.

However, it was impossible for Y/N to figure out because she and him weren't really close before. Therefore, Y/N has never really paid attention to Peter. Y/N may have picked up a few of MJ's traits here and there, but she never got MJ's way of observing. Again, Peter asked Scott for help when he took a break from patrolling on a Monday afternoon.

"Hey, what's up, Petey?" Scott smiled as he answered the phone. He munched on some chips while watching television. Peter scrunched up his face because it sounded like some weird ASMR mukbang video on YouTube.

"Yeah, hi. I need your help again." Peter said as he lifted his mask until his mouth so that he could speak properly and so that he could be understood.

Scott put his phone away from his ear and looked at Luis and grinned, "Hey dude, guess what."

"What?" Luis smiled.

"I'm talking to Spider-Man on the phone!" Scott bragged. "We're, like, besties now. He asks me for help. Like, I'm so honored! So, so honored."

If Peter didn't have any steps to be followed or if he weren't recruiting anyone, he would've laughed at Scott. But now, he didn't. He was desperate for help. He didn't know what to do.

"Um, Mr. Lang? You still there?" Peter asked.

Scott quickly pressed the phone on his ear again and said, "Yeah! And don't call me Mr. Lang. I sound old or whatever. Call me Scotty!"

"That sounds kind of weird." Peter admitted. "I'll, uh, I'll call you Scott instead."

"Sure thing, spider-bro!" Scott said excitedly as he looked at Luis, who gave him two thumbs ups. "Anyway, what did you need help with?"

"I don't know how to tell Y/N that I'm Spider-Man." Peter said in a hushed voice, afraid that someone might hear him despite sitting on the rooftop.

Scott nodded and hummed, "Well, I don't know what to say. I guess, just ease your way through it before actually telling her."

"How?" Peter questioned.

"I don't know." Scott shrugged. "Drop hints for a few days or something and when the time is right, just say it. Tell her."

"Scott, that's genius!" Peter grinned. "Thank you!"

"No problem, Spidey!" Scott chuckled. "I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Okay. Bye! Tha-"

Scott hung up and put his phone on the coffee table. Luis was shocked, "I can't believe you hung up on Spider-Man."

"I mean, I have to act chill, you know? I don't want to let him know that I'm freaking out!" Scott shrieked. "Like, he called ME!"

"Yeah, that's awesome!" Luis laughed and gave Scott a high five. Meanwhile, Peter was already planning on what hints to drop before telling Y/N about his secret.

-

Tuesday

Today's the first day that Peter would showcase his spider powers to Y/N. He didn't know which skill to show first. Although, that question was already answered when Y/N walked in school pushing a very very big box full of different items.

Peter jogged up to her and he said, "Good morning, Y/N!"

She gave him a sweet smile as she wiped her sweat with the back of her hand. She mumbled a small 'good morning' before pushing the big heavy box again.

"Allow me." Peter stopped her as he picked up the big heavy box with ease. Y/N looked at him in shock.

"Peter, oh my god." Y/N said. "Where the hell were you when I needed you? We literally live near each other."

"Sorry about that." Peter said as the two of them walked to her locker. "I woke up late and I went straight here. I was surprised that I got here first and when you entered the school with a big heavy box, I figured out why."

Y/N chuckled and opened her locker. Peter looked down at the loosely closed box and was able to take a peek at the things inside it. Peter furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and looked at Y/N, "Um, what's all this, anyway? Are you running away or something?" He joked.

"No!" Y/N laughed and shook her head. "Those are all the old things from my community theater. I figured I could take it and bring it here and donate it to the theater club. Plus, the glee club need props too."

Peter nodded and pursed his lips, "Right, right. I forgot that you joined all of the clubs."

"Not all. I didn't join the cheer squad." Y/N smiled politely before closing her locker.

"Why didn't you?" Peter asked. In his opinion, not that anyone was asking, she would be a perfect fit in the cheer squad.

"I didn't want to risk my power for memory." Y/N whispered. "I can't touch the ground directly, remember? What if I'm on the bottom of the pyramid and the rocks start forming some memory on the field or something? I can't risk that. No one else knows about my powers except for you and Eunice."

'And the Avengers.' Peter thought. He nodded and said, "Yeah, that's understandable. Anyway, do we head off to the auditorium first before going to class? Or do we take this big ol' box with us to history?"

"Auditorium, please." Y/N smiled.

"Lead the way, Barbra Streisand." Peter chuckled as they walked together.

"You know Barbra Streisand?" She asked with a laugh.

"Of course, I do! I mean, not personally, but I do know her. I've seen her movie with Seth Rogen and her carpool karaoke with James Corden."

"That rhymed! Are you a rapper now?" Y/N laughed.

"Who knows?" Peter shrugged. "Maybe I'm the next Eminem." He joked.

The pair arrived at the auditorium and she made sure they placed the box on stage in the middle for the theater club moderator to see. Y/N pulled out a paper from her backpack and wrote down: My community theater decided to get rid of our old props. I figured I should donate them here instead of throwing it away. Sincerely, Y/N Y/L/N.

Y/N looked through her bag and pouted when she realized that she didn't have any tape or anything that could stick. Peter saw this and remembered that he put some leftover web fluid in a container in his backpack.

"I, uh, I have something sticky." Peter blurted out as he quickly looked inside his backpack for the container.

"Pete, you're my friend and all, but that sounded wrong." Y/N giggled. Peter's face flushed red, but didn't pay attention to it as he handed her the container. It was in an old Elmer's glue container.

Y/N thanked him before squeezing out the 'glue' at the back of the paper. Her face lit up when she didn't see the typical white color of the glue. She was surprised that it was transparent. "Okay, tell me where you shop for school supplies. This transparent glue is my new everything!" She said as she gave back the 'glue' and pasted the paper on the front side of the box.

"Uh, I didn't buy it. I actually made them." Peter said, which wasn't a lie. He really did make it, it just wasn't glue, that's all.

Y/N nodded. She was impressed. She grabbed her backpack and said, "Can you make me some?"

"Sure!"

The pair walked out of the auditorium in silence and the silence continued on even when they reached the classroom. It wasn't an awkward silence like before. It was comfortable.

"Peter?" She called his attention as they sat down in their respective seats.

"Hm?" He hummed.

"Thanks for carrying the box. If I had known you were that strong, I would've called you before I left my apartment." Y/N chuckled.

"No problem." Peter smiled. "I'm really glad I could help. Helping people is a part of me." He hinted, as if his super strength and web fluid weren't enough hints.

"You know, Spider-Man is like that." Y/N smiled. "That's why I admire him so much. I just wish I could know who he is."

"I know right? Same here." Flash said from behind her. Y/N and Peter turned to look at him as Flash shrugged.

Flash looked at Peter and nodded at him, "'Sup, dickwad?"

Peter gave him a thumbs up before he and Y/N turned around to wait for the teacher.

-

Wednesday

Y/N came to school that day wearing the most early 2000's look ever. She also wore pink as an homage to the most famous Mean Girls quote, "on Wednesdays, we wear pink". She wore a slightly fitted, long sleeved, pink shirt with a pink skirt and heels. She was dressed as Karen Smith. MJ, Ned, and Peter were surprised with her outfit.

"What's with the Mean Girls get up?" Ned asked with an amused smile on his face.

"Ned's right." MJ said as she looked at Y/N up and down. "I've never seen you wear pink before, but you actually look good in it."

Peter nodded, "Yeah, I agree."

"No mean remarks, Peter?" MJ asked and eyed him suspiciously. Peter just shook his head before he smiled at Y/N, who smiled back at him.

Later that day during lunch, Y/N was walking to her seat when she slipped on the floor. With Peter's enhanced reflexes, he immediately caught Y/N before she fell and he was able to catch her tray and her food.

Y/N gasped and she looked at Peter with wide eyes, "How did you do that?! You're so cool!"

Peter shrugged as he set down the tray before helping Y/N sit down so that she wouldn't slip again. MJ and Ned looked at each other because both of them knew that Peter was up to something and they had to corner him and ask him about it.

When the day ended, Y/N had to go to the auditorium for theater club. Finding Peter alone by his locker, Ned and MJ immediately cornered Peter. When Peter turned around, he was surprised to see MJ and Ned.

"Um... hey guys." Peter said.

"You're being really obvious, Peter." Ned said.

MJ nodded, "Yeah. I thought you being Spider-Man was supposed to be a secret. Why are you being obvious?"

Peter sighed. There was no choice but to come clean, "I need to drop hints about my powers to tell her that I'm Spider-Man."

"Why do you need to tell her?" MJ asked.

Peter opened his mouth to say something, but he immediately closed it. MJ didn't know about Y/N's powers and it wasn't his secret to tell. As much as his feelings were complicated towards Y/N, he would never tell her secret to anyone else. He wouldn't do that to anyone, even Flash Thompson. Thankfully, he thought of a quick cover up.

"Because I want her to know. We're friends after all." Peter reasoned.

-

Thursday

When Peter arrived at Y/N's apartment to pick her up like he did every morning, it was announced that classes were cancelled because of the storm.

"Peter, why don't you stay here for a while? You and Y/N can hang out here while I go to work." Eunice offered.

Y/N smiled, "Yeah, Pete! We can bake or something."

Peter shrugged, "I suppose I could stay." He pulled out his phone to text aunt May that he'd be staying at Y/N's apartment until it was safe to go out.

Eunice eventually went to work an hour later and the two teens were doing different things. Peter made himself comfortable in the couch as he watched Mean Girls. Y/N was busy in the kitchen as she cooked brunch for the two of them.

The two of them didn't know or didn't notice that it was all domestic at that moment. They failed to notice that they both looked good together. At one point, Peter paused the movie and stood up to stretch. He walked to the kitchen and watched her.

"You could've told me that you were cooking. I could've helped you." Peter said. He grabbed plates and set the table. It was the least he could do.

"Nonsense! You're a guest, Peter." Y/N smiled. "I'm done, anyway." She brought the food to the table and sat down. Peter sat down across from her and they ate in comfortable silence.

"This is really good." Peter said as he broke the quiet ambiance of the dining area. She grinned and thanked him.

"I have to tell you something, Y/N." Peter gulped. He figured it was time to tell her. They were alone together and neither of them could walk out due to the storm.

"What is it?"

Peter took a deep breath and said, "I'm Spider-Man."

Y/N stared at him and smiled, "That's cute, Pete. I'm Spider-Man too. Anyone can wear a mask."

"No, no, no. I mean it, Y/N." Peter sighed. "I really am Spider-Man."

"How am I supposed to believe you, Peter?" She raised an eyebrow.

"One, because I believed you when you told me about your powers. Two, I lowkey showed you." Peter said.

"I used my super strength to pick up the heavy box, I used my web fluid for your paper and told you it was glue, I told you that I loved helping people-"

"Helping people isn't a power, Peter. It's a choice and the web fluid thing sounds wrong."

"I also used my enhanced reflexes and agility to catch you when you slipped at the cafeteria. I'm Spider-Man." Peter added. Y/N stared at him and said nothing. "Please say something, Y/N."

Y/N blinked a few times and cleared her throat, "Well, thanks for telling me. I'm just mostly embarrassed because you know about my big crush on Spider-Man and YOU ARE Spider-Man."

"Oh, right." Peter blushed. "I forgot about that."

"And please continue to forget about it." Y/N chuckled lightly. "Anyway, let's talk about something else. What's it like being the friendly neighborhood hero?"

"Oh, you have no idea how hard it is. But I love my job." Peter said.

The rest of the day was spent with Peter talking about his patrolling stories and Y/N showing off her powers and Peter also showing Y/N his wall-crawling ability. He even showed her his web-shooters.

"I can show you my web-shooters!" Peter said excitedly.

"You know, no matter what you call it, it really sounds wrong." Y/N laughed. "It's like you're going to show me your penis or something."

"I never thought I'd hear you say 'penis'." Peter looked at her.

She shrugged, "What can I say? I'm surprising."

"That's true." Peter nodded in agreement as they smiled at each other.

* * * *

sorry it took a long long time x

𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @myblueleatherbag @harryismysunflower @buckys-little-hoe @justanothermarvelmaniac @itstaskeen @sandystoriess @heeeyitskay @slytherin-chaser @quaksonhehe @yaya4302 @lil-mellow-bunbun @starlight-starks @swiftmind​ @alex-stancati @sovereignparker​

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell​ @justasmisunderstoodasloki​ @rubberducky-jrr​ @petersholland​ @osterfieldnholland​ @miraclesoflove​ @god-knows-what-am-i-doing​ @perspectiveparker​ @hollands-weasley​ @itstaskeen​ @call-me-baby-gir1​ @the-panwitch​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @chloecreatesfictions​ @holland-styles​ @halfblood-princess-505​ @spidey-reids-2003​ @herbatkazmiloscia @whatthefuckimbisexual​

[sparklingchan]

Perfect ||Yang Hongseok (Pentagon)

Pairing : Reader(fem.) X Hongseok

Genre : Angst,fluff.

Warnings: Mentions of insecurities and self doubt.

Word count : 1.8k+

Enjoy!

They say that actions speak louder than words but I know from experience that sometimes words cause so much damage that even actions aren't able to repair those damages.

Hongseok says I am the love of his life and that he wouldn't trade me for the world, and I believe him because if I were to list all of his good qualities, being honest would top it. Besides being honest , he was practically good at everything. Singing, dancing, sports, studies, you name it. He is perfect , and even perfect is an understatement sometimes.

"(Y/n), Did you forget to buy milk yesterday too?" my dad asks me as I am eating breakfast, phone in my hand and earphones plugged in.

I sigh , pressing my hand to my face out of guilt. Why am I so forgetful?

"No, I'm sorry, pa. I'll go and buy it right now." I say and stand, leaving my half eaten breakfast behind.

He shakes his head in disappointment.

"Leave it, I'll ask Hongseok to buy it. He's coming to meet you today right?" He asks .

I don't know why but I was disappointed to hear him say that. I should be happy that my father got along so well with my boyfriend and adored him so much but I wasn't. Not even close. I felt like a horrible person at that moment for feeling that pang of jealousy.

"It's okay, pa. Hongseok probably has other things to do too. I'll buy right now. He will be coming in the evening anyway." I say, insistent.

"We can wait until the evening. The last time I sent you to get milk ,you bought everything but milk and this time you didn't even go to buy it. It's alright honey, Hongseok is more responsible. He'll buy it. "

That's when the realisation came of not being good enough. It was a small incident , some light words my father had said in the spur of the moment that I could have easily forgotten about it, just how I forgot everything else, but I didn't. I kept replaying the words in my head 'he's more responsible'. It drilled a small crack in my ego but with time the crack became a gaping hole, waiting to swallow me.

Hongseok invited me to his parents' anniversary party that they were hosting at their residence. I was unwilling to go honestly , not because I didn't want to go but because I was afraid of embarrassing Hongseok in front of his friends and relatives.

You see, I didn't fall into the category of pretty girls. I was just average. In a room full of pretty girls, you would never expect someone to have their eyes stuck on me. I am also too hyper , too talkative, too loud. And there is a whole list of other such things that would take me forever to jot down.

Hongseok didn't say it out loud but I just know that I embarrassed him in public, a lot.

"What are you going to wear?" he asks me over call the night before the party. I stare at the three dresses on my bed(the only dresses I own) and sigh, still stressed about limited choices of dresses for a fancy evening party. I hate wearing dresses but I know I cannot show up at the party wearing a pair of jeans and my black hoodie.

"I don't know, Hong. I'm confused." I say as I flop on the bed, nuzzling my face into the pillow.

"Oh god,(y/n). You should have told me earlier. I would have taken you shopping." He says with a hint of excitement in his voice.

But I fail to reciprocate it.

My ears turn red, embarrassed at his comment. I've been very sensitive to everything he says from the past few days and many times, I even tried to ignore his texts or calls . I know he didn't mean to make me feel this way but I couldn't help it. With each passing day, I feel myself becoming more of burden to him than a girlfriend. Truth to be told, I really wanted him to find his happiness in someone who was better than me.

Not to mention that it would break me to see him with someone else , but I am ready to bear that if it means seeing him truly happy.

" It's alright. I'll wear something nice so don't worry about being embarassed because of me." I reply, the words sounding harsher than I intended.

He keeps quiet for a few seconds before talking again.

"(Y/n), is everything alright? I've been observing you since the past few days and you're acting weird. And now you snap at me like that. You wanna talk about it, huh, baby?" he says in the sweetest voice ever. He always knows what to say, doesn't he? It makes me even more angry.

"He does not deserve you. He deserves someone as perfect as him." a voice inside my head says.

"I'm sorry but I've always been weird. Sorry for the goddamned inconvenience." I yell, sarcasm dripping in my voice. But before he can reply I hang up the call.

That night I turn and toss in my bed ,debating in my head whether or not to go to the party. A part of me wants to go because it feels bad for yelling at Hongseok and genuinely loves him and another part of me hates the idea of the party and just wants to stay in the house, not be an embarrassment to anyone. Ultimately, by the time the sun starts rising and my alarm goes off, I decide to go to the party.

********

I wear a red dress that reaches a little above my knees, pencil heels and some accessories. I put on some light make up and head out for the party. I've been ignoring Hongseok's texts and calls yet again and even though I am really tempted to talk to him, I just patiently wait till I reach his house.

And When I finally reach , I find him standing at the gate, busy on his phone and looking around as if searching for something. And that something is me.

"Hongseok." I whisper loud enough for him to hear me, as I slowly walk towards him, his eyes already on me. His face breaks into a smile on seeing me and naturally,mine does too. I haven't met him in person for a long time and right now, looking at him in a tux and perfect hair and with his beautiful smile, I realise how much I missed him.

He wraps his arms around me and it makes me forget about everything else , though just for a moment.

"I missed you." he says to me , nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck.

"I missed you too. " I say, placing my arms around his slim waist, " About yesterday-" I am about to complete my sentence when someone , his cousin if I recall properly , interrupts us.

"Hongseok, they're calling you inside, come on"

The party goes on smoothly . Hongseok and I are together almost throughout the whole time and for once, I didn't feel like I was embarrassing, maybe those feelings would come back but right now I am enjoying his company way too much to let negative thoughts ruin.

He would steal kisses from when I am blabbering about something or he would caresses my cheeks or hold my waist. He is all about PDA and I love it. Neither of us talked about yesterday and I know that the issue is resolved without me even having to say anything.

"I'm going to get dessert. Do you want anything?" he says, getting up from the table a little while later.

"I'll come with you." I say as I stand up too even though my feet hurt from wearing heels for too long .

We walk along the outdoor swimming pool, kids playing around and everyone else busy in their own little conversations and for once, I didn't feel out of place. Sadly ,all of that was short lived. Everything that happened next feels like a blur to me, like a video that is fast forwarded a little too much for my liking. I only vaguely remember a kid running right into me with full force, me tripping over and falling right into the swimming pool with a huge splash.

At that moment, I really wish I had stayed home.

*********

My ears are still ringing from to the splash and I feel horrible, embarrassed, sad and anxious all together. I've been holding in my tears all along and I know it isn't long before I snap, horribly. I have never felt so humiliated in my entire life and moreover, I wonder how much embarrassment Hongseok will have to go through because of me. I imagine a better scenario in my head where he is dating someone better than me, someone who'd have never caused so much humiliation. Someone who was more well behaved than me ,someone who wasn't me.

"Wear my t-shirt and pants till your clothes dry out. It shouldn't take long to dry them though." Hongseok says, handing some of his clothes to me.

I don't say anything, afraid of bursting into tears anytime.

I quickly wear his clothes .

"Are you in a mood to go downstairs for lunch or do you want me to bring our plates here? I'm fine with whatever you want, just name it" he says. He removes strands of hair from my face and tucks them behind my ears. His touch is like magic, giving me goosebumps but I force myself to swat his hand away,not being able to look him in the eye.

"I just want to go home. I can't embarrass you or your family anymore. " I say in a choked voice. I didn't want to cry right now but even before I could do anything, my eyes fill with tears.

"(Y/n)! You didn't do anything, sweetheart. Please, don't say that . You could never do that." he says, sitting beside me. He puts his hand comfortingly on my thigh but I move away .

"Why, Hongseok? Why are you lying? I know I have caused you nothing but humiliation and trouble . Stop denying it . I disappoint everyone, you, dad, my teachers, friends. You deserve better than this. Than me, " My voice breaks. "Let me go"

I say the last part in a small voice, unsure of how he'd react but he hears me, loud and clear.

"Okay, stop it now." he says in a tough tone, clearly angry. " I don't know what delusion you're under but let me make one thing clear ,you are more than what I deserve. You are smart, funny, bright, supportive, friendly, romantic, you're perfect. Other girls wish they're you. But they aren't because there can only be one (y/n). And I love her. With all her flaws and perfections. I'm not perfect either. I make mistakes and that's why we're more compatible than anyone else. Do you understand? "

Hearing these words as if breaks a wall that I'd been building from the past few days, and I feel relief wash over me. I start crying.

"You really mean it?" I ask in a small voice as his arms wrap around me. He places a kiss on my head.

"I mean it with all my heart. " He says. "Don't ever say that you're not good enough for me or that I deserve better, because I don't care. You're the one I want and I know you're more than enough for me."

And I believe him, like I always do.

[egle0702]

[TRANS] Cosmopolitan November ‘20 - Wooyoung Interview

The Standard of “Adult Sexy” - 2PM’s Wooyoung

Wooyoung said he doesn’t worry about the image he shows anymore. His expression remained clear as he picked his words firmly.

 By COSMOPOLITAN 2020.10.27

It hasn’t been long since you’ve been discharged. Even though there’s been a gap in activities, you don’t look like you’ve just been discharged when you’re on shows.

It could be because I didn’t worry much about the hiatus. Usually dancers worry that their bodies will grow stiff if they don’t dance for a long time. But I didn’t worry about that. I thought that I would be using my body in the army anyways, and if I were to learn new ways to move, that would become my dance.

How did it feel to stand in front of the camera again?

Right after I got discharged, my first time in front of the camera was for this entertainment program. It was right when My House popularity wave was on the rise, so I had to spin my head (T/N.: sangmo spin) in my military uniform. I wore a real sangmo when I danced, and it actually started spinning. Haha. Back then I felt… I just marvelled at everything like a person who saw a camera for the first time. And my heart still flutters up to this day. I think I returned from the army well. Haha.

The entertainment world trends have changed a lot while you were on hiatus. These days, there’s no formula that says “If you do this, you’ll succeed.” “Tess hyung” is popular among the young, and it’s often that we see buried songs skyrocket up the charts because of YouTube algorithms. As someone who experienced it first-hand with “My House,” what are your thoughts on it?

That’s also something that I’ve been wondering about, something I wanted to discuss. Actually, it can be thoroughly confusing. I sometimes think I don’t know what I’m supposed to do [about it]. So, I chose to simply continue doing my thing. There’s no use to think about what’s right or wrong, or things like “this is popular now, so I’ve got to do it fast.” Instead of working on potentially popular music or visual creations, I think it’s more important to consistently work on the things I like and the things I can do. Especially these days, when you can’t predict anything.

 On the other hand, it seems there are more outlets for entertainment. The music world is fun these days. The audience isn’t enjoying solely the songs and their performances. Their reaction becomes yet another type of content. Even when we look just at the contents about you, there are popular videos like “Intro Master,” or “Saturi compilation.” The popular comments under those videos are also interesting. Wooyoung, have you ever looked up contents about yourself?

Since people were so crazy about “My House,” I’ve looked up the “My House” compilation edit video for monitoring. Ah! I usually watch the variety shows we’d done before. When I watch them, I think “That was so funny back then; It was really hard back then,” stuff like that. Haha.

 No matter how much the world of the entertainment changes, I think your mind as a musician remains the same.

That’s right. Just as I’ve mentioned, I don’t get carried along by the wave. Also, (Park) Jinyoung-hyung and Na Hoon-a senior have been in the industry for many years, right? Rather than feeling pressured that I also need to be active for so long, I wish I could naturally work for a long time focusing on the things I like, relying on the will that comes from within.

 Is there a song you’d like to experience a resurgence in popularity like “My House?”

The song “Come Back When You Hear This Song” written by Jinyoung-hyung. The choreography is nice, and the classic outfits that follow the “My House” flow were also good.

“My House” syndrome has to continue. You’ve also mentioned that you want to come back with 2PM as soon as possible, is there an image you’re aiming for?

I don’t really think about how we should release a new album these days. Because if I were to do that, I think I would forget what kind of dance I want to dance, and what kind of music I like. Right now, I spend my time focusing on myself, on what I want to sing, and on the feelings related to dancing.

 It’s probably related to your saying on a show that your way of life has become clearer, not too long ago.

I think I have faltered enough. There was a time when I was too busy lashing myself, having forgotten when I really like. I think I don’t need to do that anymore.

 The fact that you can say so in your early 30s means that you lived through, felt, and experienced a lot at a young age. 2PM members were with you at that time.

Indeed. I managed to go through it thanks to my members. We often say “like a fool,” among us. The members aren’t calculating. I think we’re way past the relationship of work colleagues. So, even if we’re on a hiatus, even on our casual days, we’re still 2PM.

 Maybe it’s because of your tough concept, but there’s always been the attribute “masculine beauty” next to 2PM. The perception of masculine beauty has changed over time, so how do you understand masculine beauty yourself?

It’s “a bloke who knows how to live properly.” What I mean is that you have to be able face yourself and judge yourself accordingly. Sometimes he should be able to say “I can’t do that.” Actually, back in the day, I was so desperate trying to present myself well that I would hide the things I didn’t know or wasn’t good at. I think being able to acknowledge your questionable qualities is what makes you an admirable person.

 You’re learning a lot about yourself these days. After a recent MBC “I Live Alone” broadcast, the professional loner Dr. Jang has even become a hot topic. Is there something you’ve discovered after living on your own for 8 years?

The less people there are around you, the more you have to come to your senses. The joy of freely living alone is brief. Because when you live alone, it’s really easy to grow into irregular weird habits that eventually destroy your body. Living along gives you the time to face yourself. If you use that time well, you attain maturity; if not, the opposite awaits.

 I think you’re spending your time with healthy body and mind.

It might sound weird, but in order to do that, I’ve tried out all sorts of stuff. Haha.

 Could you give some Dr. Jang health or living alone tips to Cosmo readers?

Puahaha. It’s nothing special, just be sure you have a glass of warm water when you wake up. Don’t drink cold water. If you savour and drink the warm water slowly, you warm up and your insides relax and feel refreshed, like after eating healthy food. The feeling of emptiness disappears, too.

 Just like you tried to get rid of yellow stains from your white shirts, is there anything you’re working on now?

Denim. I’m studying the ways to manage jeans and denim jackets without washing out the colour. Haha.

 Have you ever thought about how you’d like your influence to reach people?

I can’t escape the fact that my actions influence someone in one way or the other. Because I am someone under scrutiny of the public eye. There was a time when I didn’t know better, and I thought that I had to be careful no matter what and hide. Right now, I understand the influence that I have better, and I’m more aware of it. In the future, I want to use that influence properly at the right time.

------------------------------------

Credits:

Freelancer editor: Kim Sohee Photographer: Jung Jieun Stylist: Lee Hanuk Hair: Yang Hyungshim at YangYang Salon Makeup: Kim Doyeon at YangYang Salon

Source: Cosmopolitan WEB

Kor-Eng: Egle0702

[canmom]

i feel like the gif/webp thing is a little more complicated than ‘evil google are spreading a broken tech’. like fuck google and all but...

webp is a substantial improvement over jpeg and png in terms of compression efficiency for equivalent perceptual quality (in lossy mode it’s got its own artefacts, distinct from jpeg’s ones, but i found them less intrusive by far than a similarly-sized jpeg). like in a site with a lot of images - i would rather they use webp.

and compared to gif - ok, yes, when it comes to indexed pixel animation with very few colours, then i’d guess lossless webp offers no advantage over gif (and lossy webp should never be used iin this case, any more than you’d want to use MPEG! the assumptions of the compression are totally unsuited to high-frequency images like pixel art). i’m sure you can find examples where webp compression fails to do better as well.

but when it comes to clipping movies into short silent looping videos that are considered to be images by HTML (which is what gif is commonly used for...), then absolutely webp is better. if you’re trying to make a gif and you have any kind of smooth gradient anywhere in your image, you have to use all sorts of like, per-frame palettes and dithering to (using maybe a tool like gifski) to get something that, at best, only sort-of approximates the original video while inflating the filesize like a hundred times. there’s no way around this either, gif is just too limited. whereas webp is straight-up using some pretty advanced video tech, so it’s going to offer as good or better compression as the original source.

i wish i could just upload webp when i’m making a post with gifs in it on this website for example. but there’s all kinds of weird stuff with webp’s adoption - a lot of sites are starting to serve it to supporting browsers, yet won’t accept uploads in webp, presumably for backwards compatibility reasons. which is i guess why gif has lasted this long, any competitor wouldn’t work in old browsers! but given the failure of any plan for animated png, webp seems the best chance to like, get an animated image format that has an actual alpha channel and is generally efficient.

but that’s all assuming people like... use it properly. like there should be no reason webp conversion should be ruining peoples’ gif animations, a lossy compression format designed for video of people is obviously not going to work on pixel art and shouldn’t be blanket applied, but of course none of these platforms give you any meaningful control over how your files are chopped up and served out (see also the whole thing with twitter’s preview cropping algorithm).

it would be so easy to set a user-controllable flag that says ‘do not convert this to webp’ or ‘only use lossless webp’ and for the people who care, they could go and set that. like what, one extra bit of data per image? a tiny conditional on the server (which is already checking whether browsers accept webp, so it’s not like that kind of logic is overly expensive?)

[jimimn]

HI ITS ME WHO'S NOT OVER JJK BLONDE SELFIE AND WILL NEVER BE -💫

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <33333333

HONESTLY ITS THE WAY YOH SAY SUCH NICE THINGS AND I DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS ON END BECAUSE INCONSISTENCY BLEEDS INTO EVERY CORNER OF MY LIFE FNEKALKD BUT I'M GETTING DONE WITH MY FIRST LEG OF EXAMS ON MONDAY SO YAY TO THAT!! OKAY I THINK WE'LL MOVE SLOWLY WITH BABY STEPS JUNGKOOK DROPPED SOME SELCAS JIMIN DROPPED SOME SELCAS IN THE WORDS OF THE LEGENDARY JEON JUNGKOOK ALL WE NEED NOW IS "together..BAM!" (THAT'S LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER THE WAY HE SAYS IT 🤧)

YES IN THIS HOUSE WE SCREAM OVER JIMIN'S DISRESPECT HE IS THE PARAGON OF A MULTI-FACETED MAN THAT HAS US WRAPPED AROUND HIS FINGER. THE AUDACITY 😤

CHANEL X JIMIN LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN AND OMG THAT SELFIE THAT DROPPED?? SIR???? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?? I MEAN YES BH SAID LET'S DROP SELFIES IN BULK BUT THAT ONE PICTURE OF HIM IN BLACK(GREY? I DONT KNOW FHSKKAJF) WITH THE SHIRTS UNBUTTONED!!! THEM COLLARBONES ARE FREE AND THEY'RE THRIVING IN THE OPEN IN THAT ONE. ALSO HIS LIPS ARE SO PRETTY. OH GOD LITERALLY HE HAS THAT COCKY SMIRK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE KNOWS HE DOES HOT BOY SHIT LIKE SHUT UP OK YOU CANT DO THAT JAIL FOR U NDNSLSKAJJW

SUCH A FUCKING TEASE THATS RIGHT!! EVEN STRAIGHT MEN?? BRO LIKE HOW DO YOU HAVE ALL GENDERS JUST TRIPPING OVER THEMSELVES FOR YOU IT'S INSANE AND OMG MISS SHIVI HAVE YOU SEEN THAT ONE CLIP IN WHICH JIMIN HOLDS HIS GAZE WITH THESE MEN WHO LOOK AT HIM (i think it was bon voyage?) and when they cross each other he JUST SMIRKS AND RUNS HIS HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR LIKE YEAH OK ALEXA PLAY I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT. AND YES I'LL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYTIME 💗💗

12PM KST IS THE HOLY HOUR I TELL YOU ALTHOUGH I REMEMBER WAITING THE NIGHT BEFORE BE CAME OUT WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO COME AND BH WAS JUST LIKE "yea...no" OMG THAT'S AWESOME YOUR COUSIN'S VISITING YOU

HHFJDOSO YEAH IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THEY DID THE JUMP ALTHOUGHHHH I'M POSITIVE THEY'LL DO SMTH COOL LIKE THAT IN THEIR CONCERTS BECAUSE THEIR PERFORMANCE QUALITY IS JUST.. THROUGH THE ROOF IT'S CRAZY!! WHEN THE PERFORM WINGS?? LIKE HOLY SHIT NO CHOREO NO POSITIONS JUST BTS RUNNING AROUND THE STAGE MAKING THE CROWD GO FERAL I LOVE EVERY WINGS PERFORMANCE SO MUCH MY SEROTONIN LEVELS ARE ALWAYS AT A HIGH THEN. OOHH MY GODDD BS&T IS REALLY THAT BITCH!!!! WHO'S DOING IT LIKE HER TODAY NO ONE IS EXACTLY. AND NOOOO I TOTALLY GET IT WE THINK ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH THAT ACCIDENT HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON ME. IF ONLY YOU'D TOLD ME THEN IN 2016 THAT THAT ACCIDENT WAS THE START OF SO MANY I'D BE PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWED (see: him basically stripping himself that one serendipity performance. holy shit.)

FOR REAL THO CHRISTMAS LOVE DROPPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND DO YOU REMEMBER JIMIN SAYINF uUH iM nOt wORkInG oN a SoLo SoNg aT ThE mOmEnT heHe LIKE ALL MEN DO IS LIE OK AT THIS POINT. BYE. YES TAEHYUNG DID WARN US BUT ARMYS (LIKE MYSELF) PUT THEIR CLOWN WIGS ON AND THOUGHT IT WAS KTH1 LMAO. OMG I HOPE YOU DON'T SLEEP THROUGH ANY OF THEIR UPCOMING SONG RELEASES BUT I'M SURE IT'S THE BEST FEELING TO WAKE UP TO CHECK YOUR NOTIFS AND SEE "Big Hit Labels" BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE FIREEE. DUDE SERIOUSLY I NEED JIMIN TO GO LIVE AGAIN (although we've been well fed by namjoon for now🤧😌💗) LIKE THAT ONE YT LIVE WHERE HE SAID "O...M...G" SHUT UP STOP BEING SO CUTE I'M DHJSWLIFJWKALS

LMAO OKAY YEAH THAT'S VALID YOUR BLOG THEME IS BASICALLY ✨jimin✨ AND I LOVE THAT IT REALLY GRAVITATED ME AND YOUR URL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD YOUR BRAINNN 💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️

YES YES YES JIMIN IS SO PERFECT AND THE SOCK DOODLESSS 😭😭😭 oooo so when did you get into giffing? how did you start? BROOOOO YOUR URL'S ORIGIN STORY. I LOVE IT WOW YES IT'S DEFINITELY GOT THE REQUIRED ✨pazzaz✨

NOOO OMG THIS URL IS YOUR BRAND LIKE YOU'RE A LEGEND ON ARMYBLR I LOVE IT SO MUCH. BUT STILL!! IT'S YOUR CHOICE AT THE END 💖

OMG QUARANTINE DID IT'S ONE GOOD JOB AND GOT YOU INTO BANGTAN YAY. OMG YOU AND MISS LIFEGOESMON ARE FRIENDSS??? LEGENDS INTERACTING THIS IS SO COOL. LMAO THE PARADIGM SHIFT YOU MUST'VE FELT FROM LISTENING TO STAY GOLD (WHICH BTW THE MV...THE LITERAL CUTEST OH GOD THE LITTLE DOG AND JIMIN'S LITTLE SMILES DHSJAOWO) TO THEN GOING TO BST IN WHICH JIMIN IS BASICALLY STRIPPING AND JUNGKOOK IS UPSIDE DOWN LMAOOO. YES BS&T HAS EVERYONE HOOKED THE POWERRRR. YOU FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WITH YOUR FRIEND'S ASSISTANCE OH GOD THIS IS SO CUTE 💓 EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM 🥺🥺🥺

AAAAH OKAY MY STORY ISN'T AS INTERESTING AS YOURS IS BUT IN 2016 BASICALLY ALL I KNEW OF KPOP WAS GANGNAM STYLE AND WASNT WILLING TO CUANGE THAT PERCEPTION (FOOL BEHAVIOUR I TELL YOU) AND WAS TOO BUSY OBSESSING OVER ONE DIRECTION'S REUNION AND SO ONE NIGHT (THE NIGHT BEFORE JIMIN'S BIRTHDAY 🤧🤧) I JUST STUMBLED UPON THEIR BS&T TEARS MV AND I HEARD IT AND I WAS LIKE OMG!! THIS IS THAT SUPER ADDICTIVE SONG THAT I'D HEARD SOMEWHERE AND IT JUST SPIRALLED FROM THERE I REMEMBER SEEING JIMIN AND BEING LIKE 👀👀👀👀 WHO IS HE I LIKE HIM AND JUST HIS AURA DREW ME IN SOOO MUCH AND WHEN I WAS GETTING INTO THEM I REMEMBER WRITING THEIR NAMES IN MY NOTES TO SEE IF I COULD REMEMBER 🤧 AND I STILL HAVE THAT NOTE FROM 4+ YEARS AGO 💓 AND YEAH BASICALLY SEEING THEM DO ALL THE MUSIC SHOWS AND STUFF AT THE TIME WAS SO COOOL AND MIND YOU BH DIDN'T HAVE SUBS FOR BANGTAN BOMBS THEN SO WENT ON THESE SKETCHY DAILYMOTION TYPE SITES LOOKING FOR ALL THE CONTENT I COULD CHURN OUT LMAO

AND YES!! COURTESY OF YOU I DID WATCH SOME RUN EPS!! I WATCHED THEIR CANADA ONES SPEAKING OF WHICH I LOOOVE THAT PART WHERE THEY'RE DOING THAT SONG GUESSING THING IN THE MORNING AND JIMIN SAYS "are you cold?" 🥺🥺 TO TAE AND HUGS HIM URRHRHEHSJSJSH AND I ALSO SAW THE ONES WITH THE PUPPIES GODDDDD I LOVE THE PUPPIES ONE SO MUCH LITERALLY JUNGKOOK AND HIS DOG (MIRI?) OH MY GOD THAT LIL FLUFFER AND ADAM IS MY ICON WITH HOW HE JUST DID HIS OWN THING LMAO.

BUT ANYWAY!! DO YOU HAVE A FAVE ERA?? LIKE DO YOU EVER LOOK AT THEM AND GO "Damn I wish I was a fan then" BECAUSE HONESTLY I WISH I HAD STANNED THEM IN THEIR DOPE ERA BUT I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE SURVIVED JIMIN THEN DHKSOWID-💫

FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME!!!!!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!!! AND YAYYYYY CONGRATS I HOPE THE FIRST LEG OF EXAMS WENT WELL <333333 AND OH MY GOD you’re gonna make me cry with the together baam goddddddd same one of my fave moments and jimin’s giggles after that 😭😭😭😭 my babies <3 :((((

that..... black suit selca....... that opened button...... like open one more dear sir who’s stopping you... just do it <33333 YEAH he totally needs to shut up with his i know im hot side it just kills me every single time 😭😭😭😭😭

LISTEN THAT BV3 MOMENT  S H O O K  ME OKAY????? THOSE GUYS LOOKED AT HIM AND HE WAS SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT IT (AND HE SHOULD BE) AND THE WAY HE LICKED HIS LIPS AND RAN HIS HANDS THROUGH HIS HAIR????? LIKE HE KNOWS HE HAS EVERY SINGLE PERSON; NO MATTER WHAT GENDER; WRAPPED AROUND HIS LIL PINKY LIKE THAT???????

OH MY GOD ME TOO I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE THE WINGS STAGE AND WATCHING THEM HAVE SO MUCH FUN IS JUST SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOVVVEEE THEIR ENERGY DURING THE SY TOUR MEDLEY WITH IDOL AND BAEPSAE AND FIRE AND DOPE ZSXDFGFCHGVJBHJN THEY JUST LOSE THEMSELVES IN THE CROWD AND THE MUSIC AND ITS JUST SO FUCKING SURREAL TO WATCH HOW MUCH THEY ENJOY DOING WHAT THEY DO!!!!! kinda makes me want to find that happiness and passion in whatever i do in my professional life <3 and LISTEN jimin said the break the soul commentary THAT HE COULD DO SERENDIPITY SHIRTLESS TOO. THE AUDACITY. HE SAID THAT WITH HIS WHOLE CHEST. 

YOU KNWO WHAT I THINK JIMIN WON’T GIVE US A HINT BEFORE DROPPING PJM1. HE’LL JUST DROP IT ONE FINE DAY OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE HE DROPPED PROMISE AND CHRISTMAS LOVE (i wasn’t here when he dropped promise but i read that on twitter sdfghjkl) AND NO PLS NO I DO N O T WANT TO SLEEP THROUGH JJK1 OR KTH1 OR PJM1 OR KSJ1 OR NAMGI MIXTAPE 3 OR HOBI MIXTAPE 2 OR ANYTHING BASICALLY YOU GET IT i had slept through dynamite cb because i had NO CLUE that they were gonna drop it at 1pm kst rather than 12 am kst. i was under the impression that since they dropped all the teaser pictures and the teaser itself as 12 am kst, the mv will drop at 12 am kst too. and I woke up like two hours after the mv dropped (which was almost noon my time) and i felt like A FUCKING FOOL AND I JUST 😭😭😭😭 NEVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN 😭😭😭 

AND YES BABIE NEEDS TO COME LIVE SOON PLS I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH :((((( AND HIS O...M.....G HAD MADE ME FUCKING SOBBBBBBBBBBB his yt live god he looked sooooooo fluffy with his hair and his tiny hands and his puppy eyes and soft voice im just so 😭😭😭😭😭😭

NO NONNONONONO PLEASE IM NO LEGEND DON’T SAY THAT IM EMBARRASSED im just a normal fangirl who makes okayish gifs 😭😭 and ok yes so i started giffing LONNNGGGGGG time back on a different public fan forum from my country but i never knew the right process and stuff so obviously the gifs were shitty lmao BUT ANYWAY i got into gifmaking PROPERLY this in july last year and obviously struggled a lot in the beginning because i didn’t know shit about colouring and stuff lmao but i kept practicing and even though im not perfect rn i do think that i got better. i love giffing tho. its such a nice creative outlet and whenever i gif the boys it brings me so much happiness :( <33

AND YES ASDFGHJKL ME AND HER ARE FRIENDS SINCE A VERY LONG TIME SDFGHJK LIKE LONG BEFORE BOTH OF US GOT INTO BTS SDFGHJ and ah yes the whiplash lmaooooooo and you’re right god the stay gold mv is SO FUCKING PRETTY THE COLOURS IN THAT ENTIRE MV HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND JIMIN AND TAE AND JOON WITH THE DOGGO JUST EVERYTHING SDFGHJK <3333333 AND BS&T DUDE I GIFFED THE MV YESTERDAY AND IM 💀💀💀💀💀 (like i just giffed jimin from the mv but i did watch the whole thing 5647589 times <333333) AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!! I WAS A LILLY SINGH FAN (IDK IF YOU KNOW HER SHE’S A YOUTUBER) BACK IN 2016 AND PEOPLE BACK THEN HAD REQUESTED HER TO REACT TO BS&T MV AND I HAD WATCHED HER REACTION VIDEO AND (although it didn’t stick with me back then because i was a fucking fool) I DID SOMEHOW REMEMBERED THE JIN AND STATUE KISSING MOMENT AND WHEN IN 2020 I SAW THE MV AND SAW THE KISSING MOMENT MY BRAIN JUST!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE SOMEWHERE AND THEN I REMEMBERED I HAD SEEN THIS IN THE REACTION VIDEO LMAOOOOO i wish i hadn’t been a fool and gotten into them back then :((((

AH NO OMG YOUR STORY IS SOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEE ATLEAST YOU WEREN’T A FOOL LIKE ME TO NOT GET ATTRACTED TO BS&T THE FIRST TIME OF SEEING IT!!!! I WANNA HIT MY 2016 SELF LIKE DAMN YOU YOU FOOLISH ASSHOLE AND yes omg how did y’all do the subs thing damnnnnn i can’t imagine

AND YES THE CANADA RUN EPIS ARE LOOOVVVEEEE and that vmin moment plsssssss i cry everytime 😭😭😭😭😭 it is just so soft and innocent and tae’s little smile after jimin just turns around and hugs him 😔😔😔😔 i love soulmates 😔😔😔😔 AND MIRI YES OMG EVERYONE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY THE LITTLE CUTIE AND THE WAY JUNGKOOK JUST KEPT ADORING HER THROUGHOUT MADE ME SO SO SOFTTTT and bro adam is me. i am like that. lazy and un-motivated AF. although if i were a dog and jin were to be my owner i would listen to him so well and jump on him every chance i’d get 😌😌😌

GOD YES RED HAIR DOPE ERA JIMIN 💀 BABIE BUT MAKE IT SEXY 🥵🥵 AND OMG YESDGFHG MY FAVE ERA IS HYYH. ORANGE HAIRED JIMIN. PLS. HE’S EVERYTHING. I WISH I HAD GOTTEN INTO THEM DURING THAT. LIKE THAT ERA IS ..... SOMEHOW SO FUCKING WILD AND STILL SO ASSURING AND CALMING ????? KEEPS ME ROOTED LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN DFGHJKL AND WINGS TOO DAMN I WISH I WAS HERE TO LIVE ALL THOSE AMAZING ERAS. but even though i wish i had gotten into them earlier... i think i found them when i needed them the most. I was going through a very difficult time last year and they somehow they made me feel so fucking safe and at home that the connection was instant. honestly i’ve never stanned or felt a connection with any celebrity as strong as the one i feel with bangtan. its like... they don’t know i exist but they still know EXACTLY what im feeling and what to say or do at that time to make me feel comforted. Its weird god but its true :((( SORRY I GOT EMO I JUST LOVE THEM A LOT SDFGHJKL

[komjibear]

DanceX

Imagine you are recording Hoseok as he dances some new choreography for one of BTS’s new songs. Hoseok pulls heaving breaths as he listens to the end of the song end and striking the finishing pose. You quickly press stop on your phone and double check to make sure the video saves in the right file.

“Dude, this choreography is great! I can’t wait to see the other guys perform with you!” You exclaim happily as you look up from your screen. Hoseok had bent down to open up his water bottle and take a quick drink. 

“Thanks, okay you ready for the duet?” He asks as he throws the bottle on top of his towel and moving back to his phone still connected to the speaker system.

“Yup.” You reply back as you push yourself off the floor and place your phone with your belongings. This dance wasn’t for any formal event, it was just for fun. Something to keep Hoseok light on his feet (literally) and to just spend some quality time together. Hoseok hit play and got ready in the center with you, and waited for the queue from the starting notes of the song. 

When you two danced it was almost always in perfect sync. You both always talked about adjustments and maybe switching certain parts that seemed better suited for different lyrics. And usually the dances were on the more entertainment side, but this song had more serious tone than any other dance you two have worked on before. By the end of the song Hoseok had one hand on the small of your back and the other on your hip, while yours were pressed to his chest. When the song ended you had parted and you sat on the floor trying to steady your breath.

“Ugh, I didn’t think I was so out of shape!” you cry as you lay back and pull an ugly face. Hoseok laughs as he places a water bottle next to you and takes a seat while he drinks out of his own again.

“You don’t look out of shape.” He comments as he pokes the middle of your stomach. It made you cringe and roll in on yourself. “That doesn’t mean that I’m not…” You mumble as you sit up and take a swig from your bottle. "Should we run it again?” You ask turning your attention to Hoseok watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down from swallowing. Making you wish you could lick the sweat that lines his jaw. “Yeah let’s do it one more time, but let’s try and back step so we have more room for the second chorus.” You agree and shake your head of your illicit thoughts and stand to run through the choreography again. This time Hoseok seemed more into the music and seemed to hold you a little tighter when he could. It made your heart beat faster, your palms even sweatier, and your eyes more focused on your feet. At the end of the song, you seemed to feel frozen to the spot. You were too scared to move or to even look up into his face. Hoseok didn’t seem to mind and just pressed his head against your forehead while he tried to catch his breath. 

You finally took a chance and peeked up at him under your eyelashes. His eyes were closed and sweat slowly slid down the temples of his face. You felt brave all of a sudden, and wiped your fingertips along his hair line and tried to not get the sweat into his eyes. 

“Thanks,” Hoseok mutters still not opening his eyes but pulling you in closer. “Hoseok, someone could walk in right now.” You comment as you wipe his sweat onto your leggings not caring for the extra grime.

“You act like that’s stopped us before.” He chuckles out, making you recall when you and him were so caught up kissing on the couch, that Jungkook screamed at you two when he walked in the living room after going shopping. Poor kid, he couldn’t look you in the eye for a while because he said it made him remember that night. 

“Ugh, I don’t want to think about that.” You joke as you try and push him, but he only holds you tighter and presses his lips into your neck. “Let me distract you then.” He breathes into your neck, making you giggle from the hot air tickling your skin. You keep trying to pry him off you, but he only takes a step forward with each of your steps, making you back into a wall. Finally, you admit defeat and just stand there, as he pulls his face away from the crook of your neck to look you in the eyes. Nothing is said, he simply just presses his lips to yours, and you welcome the kiss with a soft sigh. It doesn’t stay sweet and innocent for long.

Hoseok already has his fingers skimming along the exposed area of your hip bones and forcing his tongue into your mouth. Your hands start to massage his neck and you start to kiss him back fervently too. His body almost feels like it’s crushing you into the wall, but it’s also a nice sensation. Your legs were lifted and wrapped around his waist pulling him in even tighter. He started grinding his hips into yours and you forced your lips away from his to catch your breath. While you were gasping Hoseok glued his mouth to your neck and sucked on your skin. Surely he was leaving a mark, but you didn’t care at this moment. You only wanted to melt into Hoseok’s arms and die happy. You could feel him get excited and it made you even more eager. He placed your feet back on the ground and ran to the door, you were confused, until you heard the lock click. He walks back over, turns you around to face the mirror adjacent to the wall you were leaning on, and pushes you, forcing your hands to land flat against the glass. 

“Whatever you do,” he whispers in your ear as his hands slide down the inside of your leggings, “don’t look away from me.” At that moment your eyes were glued to his in the reflection and his fingers teased the lace of your underwear. Dipping his fingers in he could feel how wet you were. “Mmm you’re so eager for me already.” He whispers huskily and wastes no time in forcing his fingers inside of you. You wanted so badly to close your eyes and allow yourself to fall in darkness, but knew better. You knew you liked it when Hoseok was able to keep eye contact with you and watch you come undone. Not just on the outside, but to watch your resolve melt from the inside and turn into a trembling doll in his hands. 

Once satisfied he pulls his fingers out making you whine but bringing his hands to his lips and licking them clean. Teasing you and smiling with a devious glint. Once he’s done tasting you he rips your leggings and panties down and pulls his joggers with his boxers down allowing his cock to spring free. He taps it against your butt a few times letting you feel how hard he is. He then slips it between your thighs and pushes your feet together with one of his. “Clench your thighs for me.” He whispers into your hair wrapping your hair in your loose ponytail around his fist as he begins to slide his dick in and out between them. Your fists balled up against the glass of the mirror and pressed your forehead against it. Finally letting yourself close your eyes and just praying he would be inside of you soon. Hoseok looked up from watching his dick disappear between your legs to see you had stopped looking at him. With that, he pulls your hair back and makes you cry out as it forces you to arch your back looking like a wanton slut. “Open your eyes, I didn’t say you could close them.” He growls out, and when you do open your eyes you’re shocked to see the wild animalistic glare Hoseok gives you. “That’s it,” he whispers out as he slows his movements, to only push his dick into your actual pussy. 

Your eyes widen in surprise, though it wasn’t hard or rough, you knew he was testing to see if you would listen. You banged your first against the glass, making it shake and could feel your knees go weak immediately.

“Shh, we don’t want someone coming around.” He tries to quiet your movements as he strokes his hands in your hair. He starts to slowly pump himself into you and you have to bite your lip to try and not cry out. Hoseok speeds up his movements and begins thrusting in and out of you at a quick pace. Feeling your head drop to try and regain some sanity, you feel a slap to your ass and it makes you scream in a mix of surprise, pain and pleasure.

“Don’t look away from me.” He says in a low voice, and smacks you again when you don’t move fast enough. You flip your head back up and maintain eye contact. But Hoseok decides to spank you more as he begins fucking you harder into the mirror. He grabs your shoulders and has you stand straight against him. He pulls your tank top up along with your sports bra and begins to torture your nipples.

“Look at you coming undone for me. You love watching me fuck you huh?” He asks as he pinches your nipples extra hard and then flicking them with his pointer fingers. “Answer me.” He says as he begins fucking you again from behind.

“Yes, I love it!” You whine in a low moan watching him smile at your response. He then pulls out of you and spins you around and pushes you onto your knees. 

“Touch yourself.” He demands as he begins jerking off. You knew exactly what he wanted you looked him right in the eye and began to finger yourself desperately and moaned out shamelessly. “Open your mouth.” He grunts out as he takes a step towards you. His dick perfectly aligned with your lips as you open wide and let your tongue loll out. With a final grunt he releases and coats your mouth with his release. Thus, making you cum all over your fingers, drenching your hand and the floor beneath you. Once he was done you pulled your tongue back in and swallowed every last drop. 

Hoseok walked away from you to grab both your towels and wiped himself clean and threw your towel towards you. Once you had cleaned yourselves off and put your clothes back on, you gathered your belongings and headed to the showers together. The smell of strawberries was all over, as you both slid your hands across your slick bodies and kept kissing each other under the running water. There was a point where Hoseok slipped himself inside you again and was able to draw out one more orgasm from you. But once properly cleaned he took you to bed and spooned you from behind. 

He pressed his semi-hard on into your lower back, but you decided to not comment on it at this point. You knew there would be a round three when you woke.