#i wish that mtv still like . did that lol
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everybody tell me your favorite music video or music videos you consider to be iconic, ones that you consider important to the culture or that you see referenced a lot, or even just ones that pop into your head when you think of a good music video
#i want to make a playlist of them i like watching music videos a lot#there’s a lot of songs that i was neutral to negative towards that i like a lot now bc i’ve seen the music video#and a lot of songs that i like that i don’t think i would have liked as much if i wasn’t exposed to it through the video#i wish that mtv still like . did that lol
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good evening honorary scholar in oasis lore!! im pretty new and idk whether i just hot everything mixed up or it really happened buy did noel and liam retreat somewhere together after they had a huge fallout again? like left the city went somewhere secretive and stuff i think in the 90s? made up there and all that
who knows maybe it didn't happened at all and my mind just mixed everything together but still <3
The sequence of events can sound a little far-fetched if not an outright wishful fantasy, so I will keep strictly to the bare facts and quotes lol:
In the fall of '96,
(you remember '96, of course: Liam announcing he was getting married and Noel being pissed about it and then kissing him in front of 40,000 people, and then shortly thereafter they do the biggest concert of their lives, immediately after which Liam fails to show up sober for MTV Unplugged and then doesn't go to America with the band and then shortly after he does show up, Noel walks out of the tour and returns home -- that '96, yeah?)
"everyone" in the UK is freaking out that Oasis has finally broken up. No one from Oasis is really saying anything.
Liam flies back to the country... and is kidnapped from the airport:
(^ from Jill Furmanovsky, apologies for the janky photo)
He was brought to a country house where Noel was staying and the two of them holed up there for a while to patch things up.
Creation Records has announced that despite rumours, Oasis aren’t splitting. Noel and Liam Gallagher were at a secret location ‘spending time together and getting over jetlag’. The brothers have phoned their mum Peggy to assure her that Oasis were not about to split. ‘They phoned me at home to say they are both well and the band is not splitting up. They didn’t tell me where they were but they are both very happy. It was as though nothing was wrong.’ Astonishingly, they have been left alone. No one could find out where they went; after disembarking from their separate flights, Noel and Liam left London for a secret location where they met up and were still together as we went to press. Guigsy, Bonehead and Alan travelled to different destinations … Johnny Hopkins said: 'Noel and Liam got together to hang out. They're on good terms-yeah, totally. They're mad for it. Of course they're friends. They're staying together and getting over the jetlag, just chatting away.' – Melody Maker, September 1996
"No, me and our kid went to a country house. The pair of us stayed there and got pissed. Me and him weren’t arguing. We got slaughtered. And Marcus [Russell, manager] was saying, ‘Lets put a press release out’. Me and him [Noel] were taking the piss, going ‘Fuck it - if anyone asks where we are, tell ‘em we’re chasing sheep round the fucking country.’ But it would have started to get silly. So we put one together. -Liam, 1996
#communiques#and if i told you noel probably started writing Let There Be Love / the demo It's A Crime around this time...#well.
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♡ jojos + jobros doing black!readers' hair part 2♡
a/n: hello my lovelies! i'm back to make a part 2. honestly loved writing the first part so yk i had to double it 😝 sorry this took like a million years. I had state testing and i do have to prioritize so yk how it is
Part 4
Josuke Higashikata
Since you two do your daily hair care routines together, he has a decent idea of how he can at least detangle and part it. The first part of the braiding process is easy. However when it comes to actual braiding, you can tell he's confused.
"You said you wanted braids like Moesha? I don't know how to do that at all."
"It's easy. Haven't you ever braided something at least once? Like some string or something?"
"Nope! Sorry, babe."
You sigh as you explain how to braid hair to your darling clueless boyfriend.
He finally finishes your Moesha braids, and they look pretty good. However, he wishes you would've asked him to do something simpler. His hands are sore and his nose burns from the smell of shine n jam and shea moisture. At least he did your edges cutely (he made a little heart with them!). 9/10!
Okuyasu Nijimura
You are scared. Terrified, even. The minute he saw the same braids you wore on a girl in some MTV music video on the TV, he knew he wanted to help you out. So you let him! He has no idea what he's doing.
"Oku, do you know what you're doing?"
"It can't be that hard, right? Just cross those two strands of hair and make them look pretty."
"Oku, you're supposed to cross three strands. THREE."
"Oh..."
It's okay though. He eventually gives up and watches you do your hair yourself and learns a lot. When you're finished, he helps you put purple and black beads on the ends of your braids. Overall, 10/10 (for the beads lol).
Part 5
Giorno Giovanna
You two usually do your hair together like Josuke, so it's not too hard for him to figure out. That doesn't mean he doesn't have his fair share of difficulties, though.
"Amore? Yes, I grabbed the extension hair...gel? Hair gel? Let me check." He rummaged through his plastic bag, worrying just a bit.
"Giogio?" You say, slightly worried. He had been looking for quite a bit. "Giorno," you almost warn, an irritated tone in your voice. Finally you hear the sound of a plastic bag being put down.
"I'm sorry, dear. I got the hair gel. No need to worry."
He finishes your hair nicely. While he does cheat a little bit with his stand when taking out a tangle or lazily getting rid of a pile of extension hair that had a mind of its own, he gets it done well. He puts in blonde, of course, to match with him. You even figure out how to do little hair rolls to match his. He puts wooden beads at the end for a nice finish. Overall, 8/10!
Bruno Bucciarati
Very patient. Shockingly patient. You'd assume he'd try to take a little break, but he kept going until he finished the job (very like him). Although he was a little nervous about messing up your butterfly locs, he still did them pretty nicely.
"Ah, am I twisting these right?" He questioned himself, looking at the loc in his hands. The air smelled heavily of incense and hair product (both because of you).
You smile slightly. "You'll be just fine, dear. You're doing so well already, especially for you first time with faux locs," you reply, a hint of encouragement in your tone. He takes it as inspiration, hums in reply, and continues.
Your locs are gorgeous! Bruno even adds pretty gold charms to go with them. They're simply beautiful and he can't stop staring. Overall, 9/10!
Part 6
Jolyne Kujo
Jolyne has wanted to do your hair for a while. She's retwisted a head or two in jail, so she definitely knows what's up. When you finally say yes, she's ecstatic!
You and Jolyne had been thinking about what kind of hairstyle to do for a while, but she's finally got the best idea.
"Darlingggg?"
You turn your head to Jolyne. "Yesss?"
"Why don't you do jade braids? You can match your hair with mine!" she tells you excitedly.
You think for a moment. "I dunno, Jo...That's kind of a hit or miss."
She sags her shoulders a bit. "You'll be fine, promise. Besides, you and me matching will be sooo cute. Think of the photo opportunities."
You sigh, giving in, but give her a small smile. Moving in quickly, you give her a small kiss on the cheek. "Okay. I trust you."
"Then let me work my magic already."
And she most definitely did. Jolyne gave you crystals and gold accessories as well as lip gloss and mascara (if you're into that) to go with your hair. Surprisingly enough, she had made the yellow/dark green combo work pretty well on your hair. She just wouldn't stop kissing you. 10000/10!
Ermes Costello
Come on now. You know she'll hook you up. As soon as she asks to do your hair, you instantly say yes. The two of you decide to go all out just to prove her braiding skill with micobraids.
"I dunno, Ermes. Microbraids are most definitely not for the weak," you warn her. "Your fingers will be gone when you're not even halfway through."
She simply shrugs. "So? I'll make it worth the wait." She sits you down and begins to work on your hair.
She was, surprisingly enough, able to finish the microbraids in six hours. When you asked her how, she claimed she just had 'fast hands' (something you disagreed with especially when you were playing Mario Kart). She went through the additional pain of adding jewelry to some of the braids (which was hard since there were so many, like lord have mercy), but they looked amazing in the end. 1000/10, like Jolyne.
thank you for reading! I've had a recent spike of creativity. Another reason why this took so long is because my computer broke 😭 like literally, the entire screen is shattered. it's heartbreaking. fly high little chromebook 😞 on another note, if you guys have any ideas dont be shy to suggest them! I'm trying to improve my writing so go ahead! The content that is easiest for me to write for include JJBA, LOZ (BotW, TP), and KNY! I'm so obsessed with kny right now it's not even funny so help yourself! love you all dearly mwah buh bye
#x black gn reader#jojos bizarre adventure#black y/n#x black reader#jolyne x reader#ermes x reader#bucciarati x reader#giorno x y/n#josuke x reader#okuyasu x reader#wow wow wow#thanks for reading#jjba x reader#jjba#jjba fanfic#sorry for not being active
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My kpop story is that I was on a family vacation in Vietnam in 2010 around World Cup season (and I will always remember this because my first Super Junior song is Victory Korea lol (that is not the first ever kpop song I listened to tho)). I stumbled upon kpop out of nowhere (and therefore, didn’t even get a chance to resist it) because I was bored and was channel-surfing and stopped on a local channel that was like MTV if MTV still played music like they supposedly did back in the day. What was playing on the channel was SNSD's Run Devil Run and Oh! and SHINee's Ring Ding Dong and I was hooked after those songs
oh man lmao that’s so cool! i wish there was still music channels like that rip the real mtv but I’d kill for run devil run or ring ding dong to have been my real kpop intro for me it was technically the obvious gangnam style which i was like mk ok this is fine and i remember watching red velvet’s ice cream cake and being so confused because i was like what could possibly be happening here that has to do with ice cream cake? so i just continued to live my life unaware that kpop was a HUGE thing and not just a random little niche fandom until i hit it hard myself lol
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Going through some stuff on YT, and somewhat started thinking on that one time I found out on wikipedia how some tv cable channels I used to watch ended/cut their signals... and it's kinda depressing, lol.
For example, VH1 LatAm...
youtube
It's sad that they were full on automatic at this point, in 2020, with video music blocks still airing as such... but no other TV shows nor ads commercials... just to be cut by not even a full minute on their next music block (with a kinda ominous and melancholic last video, from The Cranberries) to receive the signal feed of VH1 Europe (which, also didn't last, btw, lmao, just to be replaced by *looking at smudge on my hand* MTV 00s? Wow. The international branches of VH1 were/are REALLY on the edge of being dropped anyway, huh).
Look, I have talked about this before - despite some of my nostalgia... I know VH1 LatAm was (always) a very trashy channel by the time we got it as part of the basic cable service (2005/06), but MAN, all the time I spent watching and listening music videos here (from various parts of the anglosphere and the hispanicsphere (?)) while doing my homework for high school and college? Uff. I discovered good things here and there during my teenage years...
I THINK by 2012-2013 it got even more trashier as they started to incorporate (usually trashy, don't get me wrong) programming from some other Viacom-owned US TV channels, especially once they went to this rebrand. Which by the way, they closed transmission signals with THIS SAME LOUD design brand package. The same one they have used since their rebranding. If I didn't know this was from 2020... I could have told you this was from 2014.
And that's the thing. It's depressing watching these videos... because you wish they did better? Like, yeah... I don't think this was top priority to Viacom in the late 2010s... but it was somewhat of a shell by the time it closed down? The few times I caught glimpses of the channel in the later half of the 2010s it was still using the same image, IDs... as when they did when I stopped having cable TV, in 2014. But now, there weren't even commercials in between. It was the same tiring cycle of commercial interstitials that were quite cringey in 2017 or 2019 as they were in freaking 2014. Like I said. It was already on FULL-ON-AUTOMATIC-PILOT. (They still rotated new music videos, but everything else was just music blocks. Not a bad concept whatsoever, a dream that I guess my dad would have liked in 1990... but not like this in 2020?)
Just... look how cringey these were:
youtube
I don't think these ID commercial breaks were for me (they are a little raunchy? Again, the channel was always trash and it had too trashy and raunchy programming at times, their programming commercials were always a little raunchy, lol) when I was 20-smth, but definitely also aren't for me in my early 30s.
(Commmercial IDs made in the early-to-mid 2010s... with lots of these not even airing in the latter half of the decade, as far as I'm aware, lmao. Yikes. So CRINGE....)
I totally think that VH1 Latinoamérica had its writing on the wall when they stopped doing content exclusively for LatAm... which was in 2009, very early 2010 (part of that I think was because they moved production from Mexico to Argentina because it was cheaper back then). When you watch so many times the same 100 countdown videos for 80s and 90s music in Spanish that they recorded in 2008 and 2009 with the same very dated and cringey local jokes in 2014... that should mean something... but when your sister channel, MTV, could survive with so many Acapu*lco Shore reruns and so and so... YEAH... I don't know...
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Timmy and reader just broken up, and they run in together at the met.
A/N: I LOVE THIS AND THIS IS HEAVILY INSPIRED BY THIS FIC @chalametsimp I LOVE YOU!!
deuxmoi
Liked by enews and 789.100 others
deuxmoi spotted: seconds before y/n l/n teared down as ex-lover timothée chalamet hid her from the curious paparazzis, saying “give us some privacy, please.” its been a month after timothée left her for his ex lily rose-depp. but it looks like things haven’t been easy for the both of ‘em. they’d make a lovely met gala couple 😢
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fanpage30 i think the problem is rooted deeper than just him doing a pr stunt w his ex
fanpage30 i think the problem is rooted deeper than just him doing a pr stunt w his ex
fanpage29 i like lily more its obvious who he belongs to
↪️ fanpage11 you make zero sense he doesn’t belong to anyone you shithead just bc u like lily more doesn’t mean u can bring y/n down
fanpage39 my parents😢😢
fanpage43 first was devon.. now y/n.. love isnt real
fanpage86 pls get back together so i can live happily
fanpage33 nah if i were y/n i’d do the same he’s cruel for that
fanpage28 that ‘pr stunt’ must be her last straw
y/i/n
Liked by juliafox, tchalamet and nicolasghesquiere and 3.819.019 others
y/i/n it’s met gala monday, save your tears for another day
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fanpage90 girl u know whats right! we support you y/n ❤️❤️❤️
louisvuitton a star✨⭐️
nicolasghesquiere what a night❤️
fanpage18 y/n we love you :((
fanpage89 SAVE UR TEARS FOR ANOTHER DAY Y/N WE LOVE YOU
fanpage39 whys he still liking her pics
theweeknd true
*Liked by @y/i/n
fanpage30 XO GATHER UP
fanpage22 abel boutta throw hands lol
juliafox fuck him and his crew
↪️ y/i/n louder queen!!!
fanpage99 EVEN JULIA AGREES
chloegmoretz no one can outshine you baby
↪️ y/i/n i love you :(((
patmcgrathreal eternal beauty 💖👼
iliona not saying i love it when ur sad but ur so creative when ur sad
↪️ y/i/n gotta transfer that energy somewhere
fanpage38 DOES- WHAT?
fanpage42 IS Y/N WRITING A SONG? AGAIN?
fanpage58 oh yup this must be BAD
tchalamet
Liked by y/i/n, enews and 6.984.134 others
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fanpage51 heartbreaker🍅🍅🍅boooo 🍅🍅🍅
fanpage19 tim drunk off his ass after making y/n cry lol that so low of him
billieeilish :)
fanpage28 bILLLIE WHOS SIDE R U ON??
alexandermcqueen amazing as always✨
fanpage39 and he went to the after party.. of course
cartier 🖤
fanpage90 wtf did u say to y/n???
↪️ deuxmoi someone overheard them saying words like “i love you” “coming back” “second chance” “stunt” but we dont know who’s saying what
↪️ fanpage90 what the fuckkkkk..
mtv im a child of divorce
fanpage93 yall pls dont send him hate comments we actually dont know what went on yall assume too quick
fanpage31 i hope theyre coming back that pr stunt was bad asf
fanpage44 timothee i love you but im on y/n’s side now
fanpage37 tim u still have time to fix this we cant defend u no more babe
fanpage59 timmy look at me this isnt you tim
fanpage22 y/n went to the after party too but idk if she stayed for long
↪️ enews check our post
fanpage48 what was on his mind when he agreed to do that shitty pr stunt
enews
Liked by 379.391 others
enews here we have it folks! y/n l/n (@y/i/n) making an appearance at the met gala after party accompanied by chloe grace moretz (@chloegmoretz). it is claimed that she “just want to make rounds then go home.” other sources said she swung by to “get wasted” and “forget about tonight.” but she did went home with her ex-boyfriend timothée chalamet (@tchalamet), so what was that about?
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fanpage83 i say we get out of their hair and let them solve this privately
fanpage91 theyre just getting started, theyre young and this kind of drama will come along
fanpage29 theyre not a drama lover we know that but once they make a drama its so big we’re gonna talk about it nonstop
fanpage48 i want a friend like grace:(
fanpage84 y/n did like his recent post tho
fanpage47 WE STILL HAVE HOPE
fanpage54 i wish i can hug her i love her sm i wanna comfort her
fanpage44 i hope theyre doing okay
fanpage93 im sure it was just a misunderstanding, timmy wont do such thing
fanpage77 glad chloe was present for her
fanpage89 they’ll get back together again im sure
#timothee chalamet#timothee chalamet imagine#paul atreides imagine#instagram au#timothee chalamet imagines#timothee chalamet au#paul atreides#imagine
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KILLER QUEEN (80s!AU)
A/N: Heyaa!! So here’s what happens when I watch Sing Street right after reading some of Olivia’s boyfriend!Harry prompts :) Also a huge thank you to Soph @canyon-moan for betaing this for me!! A gentle reminder that I was not, in fact, alive in the 80s so please take it easy in that aspect lol. If you like it *please reblog*, it helps a lot, also I’d love to hear your feedback!!!!
Word count: 25.3k (I have no self control!! Someone stop me!!)
Pairing: Musician!Harry + Bassist!Reader
Prompts: making it official + enemies but secretly lovers
Warnings: Our typical mentions of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll (and a lot of denim!)
Concept: You and Harry are in rival bands and you shouldn’t really get along but you can’t help it.
❁ ❁ ❁
It didn’t come as a surprise to you that, from the moment you agreed to be part of the band, your agenda would become more frantic. That’s all you read on magazines or see on the television on those late nights MTV programs that love to talk about that rockstar life. The shows and the sleepless nights. The drugs and the sex between stages. It’s always what comes to the minds of anyone that thinks about following the music path.
Of course, you’re far from being The Bangles or Duran Duran, but even when it comes to playing for uninterested drunks on small crummy bars, you still found yourself barely able to catch a breather from it.
And it also doesn’t help that on top of it all, you also try your best to balancing your studies as you go into your third year of uni. So, between being tucked behind your bass during rehearsals and going around begging for stuck up pub owners to give a spot, you still have to find time for the busy class schedule that also blends with your tutoring job on the side. Sometimes it feels like juggling those two contrasting lives is too much, and when you walk home each day too exhausted to even function, you ponder if you should just drop one of them.
You still manage to fall into a rather chaotic routine of dragging through weekdays to fall into reckless weekends. It’s not easy, but you make it work.
Today, however, seemed to be an odd one. From the moment you woke up with the sound of birds chirping and the faint conversation of your neighbors outside your window, you felt a sense of relaxation that has become a rarity to you. It’s a welcoming change from your usual rowdy roommates bantering at each other or the loud music blasting through the walls that serve as your alarm on regular days. The silence that engrosses your normally-chaotic home is calming as much as it is strange.
The whole day went by in a lulling and lazy pace, and between your several attempts of keeping yourself occupied (that being going on a walk to the library or going through your mom’s old recipe book) you actually catch yourself realizing the quietness can be louder than your roommates.
It’s a weird concept to you. Missing them when you spend so much time together in the band, but you still can’t help it. So you just blast the radio and let Rio fill in the empty walls as you wait for one of them to come home.
By the time the night falls, wind thumping on the closed windows as the first thin drops of rain start to hit the glass, Lena is back from her shift with a low huff and a roll of her eyes, mumbling how she’s never covering weekend shifts ever again -- which you both know is not true, but neither mention it. And that’s how you find yourself at the end of your unruffled day, tucked at the end of your couch under a cozy blanket. Listening to one of MTV’s nightly programs - that Lena watches almost religiously after a day of work - as background noise. You focus on the open book settled on top of your lap, enjoying her company quietly as you flip through the pages.
It could be the perfect ending for a perfectly relaxing day, the sound of the rain almost lulling you to sleep as the words in front of you begin to shuffle, finding it harder to concentrate with your mind drifting off.
But before you can let your eyes fall close and your head snuggle back into the cushions, you’re startled awake by the burst of your front door opening. The sudden noise makes you and Lena jump, a yelp leaving your lips as you look back to the source of your fright.
You barely have any time to feel panicked or even wrap your head around the possibilities of what could have caused the outburst as Abbey barges into the room. She all but jumps on each step, stumbling a bit as she makes her way around the couch to stand tall in front of you. Her red hair is full and damp, droplets of water running down her body, causing her clothes to stick to her skin.
“I got us a gig!” Her breath is short as if she just ran a long way.
“Christ, Abbey, don’t do that!” You relax back into the couch once you realize there’s no real threat invading your home, closing your eyes and letting out a breath. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
She scoffs, “Did you listen to a word I just said?” You notice her eyes are blown out, “I got us a gig, as in a </i> real gig.”
“A real gig?” Lena inquires, standing up to walk towards the front door that was left agape, closing it with a thump.
Abbey’s grin grows, her words come out slow but clear. “Next Saturday in the Blue Bird.”
“That’s in a week.” You state.
Her shoulders drop, “Yeah, and?”
“Blue Bird?” Lena comes in the room again, stopping by the head of the couch and crossing her arms under her chest. “How did you even get that I thought the only band that played there was--”
“You’re right Lena, was as in not anymore because we are playing there, and there’s more.” She interrupts, her voice raising an octave. “The owner, Ronnie, said if we’re good enough he can arrange for us to play every other weekend.”
“You’re insane.” You shake your head slightly. “That’s like a place where people actually go for the music, what makes you think we can pull that off?”
Abbey points a finger at you, “You’re being a pessimist, and that’s not appreciated in here.” She waves her hands around, trying to assert her point. “We can and we will pull that off and take over the permanent spot on the weekends.”
“Is that what this is about?” Lena smirks, eyebrows raising at her friend. “It’s been a hot minute since you raged about that Harry boy.”
“It’s not just about him, Adeline.” She barks, “It’s about us! We need to find our confidence again.”
“Again?” You speak out, making her snap her eyes back at you.
“Yes, again.” She says, “We’re doing this and it’s gonna be wicked.”
You sigh, nodding in agreement as you exchange a knowing look with Lena.
In all fairness, the prospect of playing a gig at an actual music house is as exciting as it is scary. It’s not like you think you’re not able to pull it off, but the simple thought of having people actually paying attention to your presence on stage is enough to make you want to hide under your covers and never come out. But seeing Abbey so pumped about it, there’s no way in a million years you’d ever say no.
She was the one that wanted to start a band, after all. Before she dropped out, in what seems like ages ago, she was your roommate that would drag you around every time she had those spontaneous ideas, that is going out for pancakes at three in the morning, go on weekend trips to concerts two cities away, or, well, start a band herself.
In the beginning, it was just the three of you, Abbey as the lead, you on the bass, and a girl you met on one of the said weekend trips, who had introduced herself as Lena, on the guitar. And not even a month later, you were all living together in a tiny house near the main street.
At first, the biggest issue, to your surprises, was that you couldn’t find a drummer if your lives depended on it. Even after putting out posters around campus, you only got two calls from men whose only interest was the “all-girls band” part of it. Things got better when you met Jaz, a smiley girl from your Phonetics class. She wasn’t a drummer, but her boyfriend was, they both played for their High School band (which is how they met, a proper movie-worthy story if they’d ask you). And just like that, you got yourselves a drummer and a keyboardist.
For the next few months that followed you played on dirty bars and house parties, getting paid with tipsy pats on your backs, or, if you were lucky, maybe a pack of cheap drinks for you all to share. It’s the frustrating part of trying to get into the music path, you found, most serious places were not interested on a band with hardly any live experience and no original songs whatsoever. So you just had to take whatever opportunity came your way. Once, you even played on the birthday party of Lena’s manager’s daughter, which was probably the most disastrous experience of them all, considering a crowd of eight-year-olds and their posh moms weren’t exactly fond of listening to loud covers of Blondie. You got to play three full songs before one of them asked you to leave.
The first time you actually got money was when Abbey dragged you and Lena to play on the sidewalk of the National Park, where people would come and go with their busy lives and full wallets. That was the best one, you easily got three hundred within a few hours of your open cases, which was split between the three of you at the end of the day.
Afterward, you wanted to play on the streets again, but Abbey wished more than just being a street performer, she yearned for the glow of the spotlights and a place on the stage. And it’s not like you lot didn’t think of it as well, how it would be like to have an actual gig. So, you just went back to the old routine of jumping from bar to bar. Playing for people that couldn't care less about your presence on the small stage, focusing only on their cheap beers and drunk conversations.
For a while it seemed like that was all there was to it, the music scene getting more congested by the minute, you thought there was no way you’d ever make it out there. There were moments you even thought about giving it up, if you were honest, setting your mind into getting your English degree that at least has the guarantee of a stable paycheck by the end of it. But as Abbey always says, there’s nothing you can’t do with a twist of your hair and a bat of your lashes. And somehow, she managed to be true to her word, presenting an opportunity to actually start taking this seriously.
And it would be a lie to say there isn’t an excitement growing at the pit of your stomach the more you think about it.
❁ ❁ ❁
You’ve heard about the Blue Bird before.
Of course you have, it’s near to impossible not to. Being in a small town, predominantly surrounded by uni students, and that being the only music pub in the area, you’ve heard about it quite often.
It’s become quite the hot spot for people interested in listening to good music while getting lost in the bottom of their beer glasses. With the only other competitor being a good forty-minute drive away, people go in crowds on the weekends as a getaway from their textbooks. You’re not sure why you’ve never been in it, though, only going as far as walking past it on your nightly walks during the week, listening to the faint sound of whatever band’s playing at the time.
But if there’s one thing that’s always brought up when the subject is the Blue Bird is CHASM, more specifically Harry Styles. They have the permanent spot on the weekends and have become one of the main reason people - women, mainly - come in lots to have a spot inside the packed space.
As much as his name comes up in a dreamy sigh and followed by a string of giggles when you hear it being mentioned by a classmate or overhear it somewhere in public, inside of your bubble he’s pretty much only mentioned in annoyed huffs or with a roll of eyes. If you’re honest, you know close to nothing about him, wouldn’t even be able to point him out on the street if you ever happen to cross paths. But you do know that Abbey is not fond of him in the slightest, so for that, you try to keep your distance from anything that has to do with Harry Styles.
You’re not sure how this hatred of her came to be and to be honest, you’ve never really been bothered enough to ask. Abbey doesn’t like a lot of people, her first impression of them it’s what she keeps in her heart with zero to no chance of changing it, so you just assume this Harry guy might’ve not given her a good one. It’s never really been something you really dwelled on, the circumstances in your life allowing you to ignore his existence unless he’s being spoken of. But it feels like a whole nother story now that you’ve essentially stolen his golden spot on the saturday night.
The moment you walk into The Blue Bird is when you start to come to the realization that this is really happening. Not even a full step in, your eyes already dart to the big stage standing tall across from the entrance door, bigger than any other one you’ve ever been in -- being used to small platforms that barely have enough space to fit a drumset. it’s hard not to let your lips part in awe at the size of it all, the outside is rather modest compared to it, the only really striking detail being the LED sign with the name of the pub. There’s a large bar standing in the middle of the place, serving almost as a divisor of the two areas of the pub. The first area is the one you walk into as you first enter the place, with tables surrounding the space -- that now have their chairs propped on top of them, and you reckon this is where people sit around as they wait for the musical act of afterward when they can barely keep themselves up on their feet. The second area, however, it’s just empty of any barrier, except from the stools lined in front of the bar, meant mainly for people to crowd in front of the stage.
The walls are what catches your attention, though. The one where the front door stands is covered with magazines and newspaper cutouts of celebrities, scandalous headlines written in big bold letters, and random articles about their personal lives. On top of this big collage, there are band posters, you assume the ones that played in here, most of them stuck once to the wall, except for one that you can see multiple different colored papers with the same name written on it.
You stop in front of one of them, one that’s just below your eyesight but catches your attention with the big blood-red letters that read CHASM on top of it, with a smaller font on the side saying “live every weekend of ‘87” right below it. What you focus on, however, are the five faces staring back at you, their serious expressions looking almost haunting with the black and white filter. But it’s the one in the middle that your eyes immediately dart to. Unlike his bandmates, his lips are frozen with a slight smirk, small enough that wandering eyes could easily miss it, but still prominent enough that you can make out the shadow of a dimple on his cheek. His hair is settled in a wild nest, but not in a sloppy way, you decide, they’re a rockstar kind of messy. He’s handsome, there’s no doubt in that, just by looking at the small print of his face you can understand what the fuss is about, not that you’d ever admit that out loud. But it doesn’t keep your mind from wondering the color of his eyes and what it would be like to see them up close, as you look back at the taunting grin you think what could be the tone of his lips or--
“Lost something in there?” Lena’s voice makes you jump, turning swiftly to find her grinning at you. “You should come and start getting everything ready before Abbey finds you admiring our arch-nemesis.”
Your eyes widen, coughing in surprise as you try to regain composure after being caught. “I-- I wasn’t--”
She chuckles, turning to roam back to the stage before you can finish, throwing you one last look over her shoulder. “Sure thing, buttercup.”
You spare one last look to the poster before following her lead to the other side of the room where the rest of your friends are setting up the instruments on top of the stage. Once you locate your case tucked in the far left corner you quickly open it, finding your soft pink tinted bass resting inside of it. The Sesame Street sparkling stickers stuck to it glimmer from this angle (you got them in a favor bag from when you played at the birthday party), thanks to one of the spotlights shining directly at them. You pick the instrument up, adjusting the strap over your shoulder and giving the chords a few experimental strokes before looking up at the empty place.
There’s no denial of the anticipation that takes over every part of your body at the sight of the pub from the stage. A perfect mixture of excitement and anxiousness that lights up as you imagine how it will be like to see it filled up. It makes you gnawn at you bottom lip, jumping a bit on you feet as you move to connect your bass to the amplifier.
For a while, you just finish setting up the stage, tuning in the instruments, the sounds echoing on the empty space in a bit of a disarray, as you get used to the feeling of using proper sound equipment. You had the chance to meet the owner, Ronnie, for a brief minute as he strolled around the stage, observing you all before mumbling something about paying anything you broke and announcing he’d be in his office until opening hours. It wasn’t the warmest greeting you’ll admit, but you don’t really care, enjoying the opportunity nevertheless.
Abbey arrives just a few minutes before the rehearsal is set to start, contemplating the view of everyone getting into a more of a harmonic arrangement before disappearing backstage for a moment without saying much of a word. When she comes back, she props herself in front of a big curved mirror cutting through one of the walls.
“Do you think you can do my makeup today, babe?” She calls back at you, gazing from over her shoulder with a slight pout on her ips.
“Sure.” You fiddle with the guitar pick between your fingers. “Do you want that rainbow look from last time?”
“Maybe something with less color this time.” She focuses back on her reflection, sighing loudly as fingers run through her locks. “I’m thinking of dying my hair black,” she tilts her head as if she’s envisioning her words. “I don’t know, just to try out something new.”
“That won’t make you look more like Joan Jett, you know.” A voice echoes in the empty space, bringing your attention to the entrance of the place.
And there he stands. The figure you had been staring at not long before, on the same poster stuck right behind where he is leaning, arms crossed and a smug look on his face.
Harry stands there as if he just walked right out of the big screen, is the kind of beautiful you don’t see quite often outside a magazine cover. Not that it’s something that surprises you, considering you could tell from even a poorly printed image on a poster that the sharp curve of his jaw and the cut of his cheekbones could call anyone’s attention from afar. Even with what you find to be a rather plain outfit for someone like him, a simple white turtleneck tucked in his lightwash jeans, matched with a denim jacket, he still manages to stand out somehow. It’s almost compelling, really. And you can’t help but follow him with your eyes as he pushes himself off the wall, making his way towards the bar with an attitude as if he owns the place.
Abbey scoffs from her spot, arms crossing under her chest. “Unlike you, I don’t have to try to be someone else to get attention, Styles.”
He rests an elbow on top of the counter, chuckling as he points a finger at your friend. “You’re getting better at this, I’m proud.”
“What the fuck are you even doing here?” She barks, keeping a stern look pointed at him.
“Wanted to check out who stole our Saturday night spot, princess.” He spits back at her, words dancing around the room in a teasing manner. “When Ronnie said it was a bunch of newbies had to see it with my own eyes.” Unlike her, he doesn’t seem bitter at the situation in hand, but somewhat amused at the heated girl scoffing at him. From the distance you stand, you can’t make out details, but it’s still enough to notice the grin imprinted on his face, dimples marking his cheeks as he clenches his jaw, eyes wandering around the stage as he leans back fully to rest both elbows on top of the stool. “Plus, I get free booze before the House opens.”
As the words leave his lips his eyes meet yours, and you quickly realize you must’ve been staring for quite a while. You see the smirk growing on his face before you quickly look back at the forgotten bass in your hands. There’s a warmth creeping from your neck to the tip of your ears from getting caught all but gawking at him. You move your hands to the cords, beginning to tune the instrument as an attempt to cover-up. But when you take a peek at him you still find his eyes watching you, only enhancing the blush that’s now undoubtedly taking over your cheeks.
“You lot are way more organized than I expected.” He speaks up again, motioning towards Ross sitting by the side of the stage near the drumset. “Got a roadie and everything.”
“Piss off!” Ross snarls back at him.
Harry just smiles. “Just taking a piss, mate.”
“I better not see you going around trying to get to one of my girls, Styles.” Abbey calls back from her shoulder as she jumps onto the stage, turning to face him. “Or you’re a dead man.”
“What’s that they can’t speak for themselves?” He arches his brows at her. “Where’s all that sexual freedom you love to brag about?”
“You’d love to use that as an excuse, wouldn’t you?” She toys with the mic stand. “You stay away from them.”
There’s no more banter once you begin the rehearsal. Harry grabbing a glass of a drink you can’t quite make out from the distance and moves to a spot tucked by the back of the place. Curiously, you catch yourself glimpsing in his direction every so often, but you can barely make out his silhouette due to the stage lights limiting your vision. At one point, when it dims down, you can see him scrunching over the table, focusing on a small journal sitting on top of it -- you find it odd his choice of place to do so, but don’t duel on it too much.
What keeps crawling back into your mind is Abbey’s words to Harry earlier, telling him to not try his way with any of you. She was talking about you. That much was clear, considering there’s not any other choice for him, with Jaz being very much compromised and Lena having no interest in engaging with men in any way. That leaves you as the only option that he could possibly pursue. It makes you think why she’d even consider that a possibility in the first place, but you push it to the back of your mind, concentrating on you bass lines until it’s around the opening hour and you’re getting ready backstage.
None of you are used to the concept of having a dressing room, so as undusted as it seems from a first glance, it still only helps to enhance the reality that hits you of this whole experience. The far voices from people starting to fill in the bar outside making your nerves become near overwhelming as you try to apply some eyeshadow with shaky hands.
When you’re all ready to go, just about half an hour away from walking onstage, you try to dull your anxiety with a cup handed to you by Lena of something you’re not quite sure what it is but it tastes like oranges and tequila. You settle on a spot on the certainly old red couch prompted against the wall. Avoiding a big rip cutting through the middle of it, foam poking out of the hole, you try not to think of what could’ve caused it -- or all the other stains adorning it.
There’s people coming and going around the space, the door not staying close for longer than a minute. Faster than you can process it, the room is suddenly crammed with people, none of which you recognize yet they greet you as if you’d been friends your whole life. Their loud voices mesh together, making it harder to even hear your own voice if you were to speak out loud. A strong scent of incense takes over the room, so intense you can feel the beginning of a headache. There are people stumbling on their feet trying to get to the stool across from you, where you catch a glimpse of a man with a messy mohawk snorting something out of a dirty bill.
Two strangers found their sits next to you at some point - not paying the same attention you had to the rip scarring through the cushions. Both get lost in their conversation, the man’s fluffed curls poking your face occasionally when he gets too excited with the hand gestures. You catch a word or two when they try to include you in it, you offer a simple nod, not bothering to try and understand their muddled words.
It all starts to feel a bit overwhelming, the amount of strangers surrounding you along with the nervous feeling that’s already taking over your stomach -- the drink not being of any help at all. You look around trying to find a familiar face, but you can barely spot the green ends of Lena’s hair through the crowd. Gazing down at your wrist clock, you figure there’s enough time for you to find a emptier spot so you can calm yourself down.
“I think I’m gonna get some air.” You say to no one in particular, seeing the man’s head nodding from your peripheral vision as you maneuver your way between leather-clad bodies towards the door.
You’re met with a just as packed hallway. Searching for a more vacant space, you spot a sign indicating an exit door that had been pointed at you earlier as the back alleyway. Without a second thought, you make your way around the crowded space. The nest of feet makes you trip slightly, making you crash against a girl standing next to the door. You mutter a quick apology, but you’re only met with a pitched giggle in response.
Once you reach the door you all but jolt your way out of the building. The brisk night air hitting your face, bringing a sense of relief near to instantly. You close your eyes at the feeling, breathing in as the breeze dances around your face and messes with your air.
“Well, if it’s not one of Abigail’s bunnies.” A voice cuts through the air, breaking you from your moment of relief. Your eyes flutter open, meeting Harry’s irises watching you. He’s leaning back on the wall across from you, foot prompt up and jacket thrown over his shoulders. His fingers fiddle with a closed package of cigarettes, dimples shadowing on his face in amusement.
You blink at him, taking a second to process his words. “I’m not a bunny, whatever that means.”
His lips twitch up. “I’m sure you’re not, darling.”
You observe as he thumbs the package in hand open, quickly grabbing a cigarette and resting it between his lips. “Need a light for that?”
His brows shoot up. “Didn’t take you for a smoker, angel.”
“I’m not, my friends are.” You reach for the back pocket of your jeans, pulling out a tiny pink lighter and throwing it towards him.
He catches it, holding it up between his index and middle finger. “You carry that around for your friends?” He keeps his eyes trained on you as he raises the lighter, flicking it so it paints the end of the cigarette a fiery orange. You can’t help but notice the chipped black nail polish adorning his nails, a couple of rings hugging his fingers, only adding to his rockstar persona. His cheeks hollow around it, taking a slow drag exhaling smooth puffs of smoke out of his puckered lips. He points the end of the cigarette towards you. “That’s a good girl.”
You feel your breath hitch on your throat, looking down as you feel for the second time in the day a heat taking over your cheeks. Standing awkwardly in the middle of the alleyway, your gaze waves around checking a few other lone smokers not too far from you. When you peek at him again, he’s still watching you with the same smug look he had when he first walked in. From this distance you can get a better look at his face, with it’s full colors, and you make a point to figure the forest green of his eyes flickering under the dim light.
You clear your throat, trying to fill in the silence that’s taken over the space. Keeping your eyes still trained on a random spot where the alley meets the street, you speak up, “So, how did get a gig here?”
“Trying to get to know me now, love?” There’s a smug tone to his voice, and it makes you shoot your eyes at him.
You shake your head, scoffing softly. “Was trying to be nice, forget it.”
He lets the air fall quiet for a beat, the corner of his lips tugging up as he takes another drag of the cigarette. “My uncle owns the place.”
“Ronnie is your uncle?” You crease your eyebrows.
“Yup.” He props his foot down from the wall, kicking a small rock on the floor. “He’s a right prick, but he can be nice if you get on his soft spot.” He shrugs, eyes meeting yours. “What ‘bout you, bunny?”
“What about me?”
“How did you get in the spotlight?”
You breathe out a laugh, shaking your head. “I’m not in the spotlight,”
“You’re stepping on that stage in a few minutes, love, that’s hardly true.”
You chew on your lip, locking your eyes on your feet as you sway back and forth gently. “But I’m, like, on the invisible side of the stage.”
“Invisible side?”
You shrug, trying to appear unflappable. “Yeah, well, no one ever notices the bassist.”
“I do.” He says without skipping a beat, and when you search for his eyes they’re aloof as if the words just left his lips without a single implication behind them. You wonder if there is one. Or maybe you’re just reading too much into it. Nonetheless, it doesn’t stop a flock of butterflies to sweep on your stomach as he shoots you a warm smile. He motions to the door behind you with his head, “Better get going, darling, if someone spots us talking they might think we’re friends.”
❁ ❁ ❁
“Did you see how crazy they went when we did Call Me?” Abbey leans over the table, not paying any mind to the way it starts to tilt towards her side. You and Jaz quickly balance the weight, straightening surface before the filled cups can start sliding down and causing a mess. You give her a scolding look for not being careful, but she doesn’t even look at you, only picking a fry from the pile in the middle and dipping inside her vanilla milkshake, sitting back and elbowing Lena next to her playfully. “And to think you said it’s not a gig song.”
“I didn’t say that.” Lena shakes the cup in her hand, circling the straw as to mix the melting ice cream inside, completely unfazed by her friend’s tease. “Just said we should do something new if people wanted old songs they would tune on that good times radio station, or whatever it’s called.”
“People like listening to classics!” Abbey protests, raising her voice bit, she’s either forgotten she’s in public or is just simply too stoned to care. Either way, you try to shush her, muffling a giggle with the back of your hand as you see a group two tables down looking back at her. She only huffs, leaning back down on her seat, “What do you suggest we play, then? Duran Duran?”
“I like Duran Duran.” You pester, trying to repress a smile as she shoots you a pointed look.
“I actually think Duran Duran is a great idea.” Lena backs you up, the same taunting smile reflecting on her face as she says it looking at you.
“You two are completely insane if you think I’m singing new wave, might as well start to fill in for a new vocalist.” She shoves her hand full of fries, dropping to her side of the table with a shrug.
“Jaz you think that girl from your choir is available? The blonde one?” Lena bites into her straw, barely containing her laugh as Abbey narrows her eyes at her.
You watch in amusement from across the table, the contrast between Lena and Abbey looking comical as they continue to banter at each other. In one side there’s Lena who’s leaning back on the wall next to her, her neon pink jumpsuit standing out from anyone else in your group, hair hardly styled, being more of a nest in her head, the sides shaved and the back falling on her shoulders in a mullet. On the other side, Abbey’s swallowed in black, the only color being the red of her hair, that’s pushed up in a high side ponytail.
It was her idea to come to the diner after the gig, declining every offer of an after party (which is new for her) and insisting you had to have this moment to decompress together as a band. What you didn’t take account of, is that a diner on a Saturday night isn’t exactly a deserted place. So after spending an hour sitting on the parking lot, waiting for a table, you finally got yourselves a booth tucked by the back. And now as the place gets clearer and quieter by the minute, after getting your round of burgers, you share a big pile of fries, not ready to leave and sleep on this experience just yet.
“You know who also seem to enjoy the show? That Harry dude.” The mention of his name calls your attention to Lena. “Caught him in the corner a couple times watching us.”
You take a sip of his drink, trying to mask any expression that exposes the fact that you’d noticed too, maybe more than just a couple times.
To your relief, everyone focuses on Abbey as she lets out an annoyed huff. “Why’d you bring him up of all people.” She picks up her nearly empty cup a bit too harshly, her voice rising again. “He called me a Joan Jett wannabe! Fucking prick.”
“You do dress like her,” Lena raises her brows in defiance.
“It’s called an inspiration, Adeline, doesn’t mean I’m trying to be her.” She barks at her friend. “Doesn’t give that knobhead the right to be a dick about it.”
“Why don’t you like him?” The question slips out of your lips before you can stop it, and you regret it as soon as all eyes on the table set on you, Abbey’s face creasing in an incredulous look as if the answer was obvious.
“Are you serious? Did you hear how he spoke to us?”
“I don’t know,” You shrug, looking down at your lap, fiddling with the hem of your shorts. “Just seemed like he was trying to get a rise out of you.”
“He’s got a stick up his ass, babe. A full narcissist, it’s ridiculous.” She shakes her head, scrunching her nose in aversion. “He’s also a complete womanizer, it’s disgusting if you ask me.”
“I guess,” You gaze up at her.”
“Babe, he’s a charmer, I’ve seen it before, he knows how to sweet talk someone.” She explains in a sigh. “They’re all like that.”
“They?”
“Men in bands.” She picks up another fry, poking it on her forehead as she makes her point. “Have their heads bigger than the whole stage, think they can do just about anything.”
“Suppose that’s true,” You agree, not wanting to get further in this discussion.
She smiles, biting a piece of the fry before pointing it at you. “It is, which is why we are smart girls and don’t fuck with them.”
❁ ❁ ❁
You’re aware that going for a walk by yourself at night is not a very secure choice.
Even living in what you feel like could be the most monotone town in the area (where the biggest report on the local news was when two boys got stuck on a tree thanks to a dare with their friends). But it still doesn’t stop you from being careful, only going around the busier streets, watching the movement of people - mostly students - chatting the night away on the filled pub table, enjoying the short break between studies before going back at it once the weekend’s over.
You stroll around with not much of a purpose, really, only needing a bit of time to yourself every so often when you feel the turmoil in your home becomes to much (on those weekends when both your roommates decide to stay home). So you just go on your usual path, breathing in the night air and enjoying some alone time.
The ending of your course is marked by none other than the Blue Bird, standing in a corner of the main street.
A small group of people is gathered in front of it, smoking their cigarettes. You stare at them for a minute as you get closer to the led lights indicating the entrance of the pub, the girls with their bright-colored outfits, hair styled and puffed up as they laugh along to whatever one of the boys has said. One of them has a leather jacket thrown over her shoulder that almost swallows her figure, and you can only assume that it belongs to the man talking to her, leaning back on a payphone, the quiff in his hair so high it makes him look like a knock-off John Travolta. The thought makes you breathe out a laugh to yourself.
Once you reach the entrance you look at it mindlessly, not being able to see much from outside except the string curtain hanged on top of the open door. You turn on your heels, ready to start making your way back, but as you pay attention to the muffled sounds coming from inside the pub you stop on your tracks. A familiar tune catching your attention, making you turn in the direction of the entry. Somebody to Love.
It peaks your curiosity. If you’re honest, you feel like covering a Queen song is probably one of the most bound for disaster decisions someone can make. But as you feel yourself approaching the entrance, the voice of whoever’s singing it all but lures you inside. It’s not the same as the original, of course, but the lower tone to it fits it just as beautifully and once you fully walk in you can almost feel your heart skip a beat to find Harry standing on stage. His eyes closed in concentration.
It’s saturday. His saturday night. You forgot about that.
You don’t dare to try to mend amongst the crowd of people packed in front of the stage, making your way to the bar. You thankfully find an empty stool without much of a fight, allowing you a perfect vision of the stage.
Harry is playing the guitar, his voice blending perfectly with the vocals of the girls in the background, eyes closed as he feels every lyric coming out of his throat. His stage look is much different than the one he wore back when you first saw him, it’s something you reckon not many people could rock out as good as he does. A mismatched suit, light green blazer with a pink blouse underneath, along with bright blue trousers -- it’s as if he picked one piece from different colored suits (which you assume he probably did). The locks of his hair are no longer running wild on his head, instead, it’s gelled back, a single rebel strand falling charmingly against his forehead. You wonder if it’s on purpose.
It’s quite a sight to see him like this, you’re not gonna lie. All suited up with no tie, the blouse only partially buttoned so you notice a tease of some tattoos on his chest. You’d noticed his good looks before, it’s impossible not to, but there’s something about the stage glow that makes it impossible to look away from him. It’s mesmerizing.
To your surprise, the rest of his set mainly consists of originals, and unlike you’d expect for any amateur band that dares to sweep away from covers, he manages to hold the crowd’s attention as if he’s singing any other hit song you hear on the radio. Even not knowing the lyrics, people cheer along to the songs, moving to the beat as best as they can in the crowded space. And that’s a direct result of the charisma he holds while standing on stage.
It’s entrancing, really, how he holds himself as if he was born to be doing this. And you think maybe he was.
There’s a mischievous glow to him, when he rocks out to his own songs, grinding slightly against the mic stand. A gesture that makes you flustered even from your seat a couple of meters away. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him even if you tried. And you’re sure as hell not trying.
At one point you feel a poke in your arm, turning around to be met with the barman who recognizes you from the week prior. He greets you with a shout over the noise, offering you a drink on his account. Your first instinct is to refuse, considering you weren’t even supposed to stay for long, but after a bit of insisting on his part you accept with a shy smile.
By the time he’s ending the last song, you’re at the edge of your seat, catching yourself wishing you could see more of him. The lights in the audience turn on as he wraps up the set, and just before he bows down with the rest of his band his eyes wander in your direction. It’s so quickly that you think you could’ve just imagined it, considering his eyes don’t meet yours again, only rushing his way backstage.
You blink at the empty spot where he once stood for a moment, almost feeling frozen in place as you try to take in what happened. Turning on your stool to face the bar, you gaze down at your forgotten drink. You hold it to your lips, deciding to finish it so you can ease your way out before anyone else spots you. Your attempt is frustrated, however, when you hear a voice coming from behind you.
“Reckon Abbey Road would throw a fit if she knew you’re wandering around watching my concert.” You turn to face Harry, finding him looking down at you, signature smirk making his dimples poke onto his cheeks. His hands are hidden inside the pockets of his dress pants and he’s taken off his blazer, causing the pink of his blouse to stand out even more.
You chew the inside of your lip. “I can make my own decisions, you know.”
“That’s good to hear, bunny.” His smile grows, hand leaving the pocket to motion at the empty spot next to you. “Mind if I sit here?”
“Be my guest.”
He sits on the empty stool, turning to the bartender that’s handing a drink to a man standing behind you. “Can you give the lady another one of what she was drinking? On my tab.”
“Oh you don’t have to, I was about to--” You begin, but the man behind the counter doesn’t care to listen, only picking up your empty glass and moving away to fill it up. “leave.”
“Already?” Harry arches his eyebrows, resting his arm on top of the counter and leaning towards you. His voice comes out a bit softer, dropping the playful tone, “let me buy you a drink, angel.”
You ignore the way the hairs on your neck rise at the petname. “You really don’t have to--”
“I want to.”
“Okay.” You breathe out, not being able to hold back your smile once his own grows on his face.
As if on cue, the bartender comes back with two glasses, setting them in front of the two of you. You don’t fail to note the fact that he gives Harry his drink without being asked to.
He picks up his glass, holding it up, to which you do the same, clinking your glasses slightly before taking a sip. “So, what brings you here tonight? Measuring the competition?”
“I was just walking around, heard a lousy cover of Somebody To Love, and decided to come in.”
He throws his head back a bit in laughter, nose scrunching adorably. You have to look away as to not find yourself staring. “A Queen fan, then?”
“You could say so.”
“A pretty girl with a good taste in music, gonna steal m’heart if you keep going, bunny.” And just like that, it’s like he takes all the words out of your mind. You only let out a small chuckle, taking a sip of your drink as you look away to cove the blush that paints your cheeks. His eyes are still trained on you, though. “Was it any good?”
“Huh?” You blink back at him.
“The cover.” He grins. “Or was it really that lousy?”
“Oh, it was amazing.” You say truthfully, clearing your throat. “You have a beautiful voice.”
“Thank you.” He bows his head slightly, smiling at you. And unlike before, it’s not smug, but rather warm, you smile back at him. “Enjoyed the show, then?”
“I did.” You nod.
“I’m glad.” He runs his finger around the brim of his glass, tapping against it once with a click of his ring against the glass. “What would you change about it?”
The question takes you back. “What would I change?”
“Yeah.” He clasps his hands over his lap, moving his feet on the floor so his stool swivels from one side to the other.
“Uhm…” You crease your brows, trying to hack your brain for an answer. Your eyes land on his blouse, still halfway unbuttoned. “Your shirt.”
“M’shirt?” He questions, brows shooting towards his hairline, clearly not expecting the answer. He gazes down at the piece on his body, fingers pitching the material as he looks back at you. “What’s wrong with it?”
“Not a big fan of pink.” You shrug.
“Now, we just can’t have that, bunny.” He clicks his tongue. “Pink is the new color of rock n roll!”
You chuckle. “Says who?”
“Says me.”
You roll your eyes playfully. “Oh, I’m sorry then, mister rockstar.”
His face lights up in a giggle, lips parting to say something but before he can let the words out a hand rests on his shoulder calling both your attentions to the man standing next to him. You recognize him from standing next to Harry on stage as the guitar player.
“We’re hopping over to Eamon’s.” He doesn’t acknowledge you until Harry’s eyes hover over in your direction.
“That’s fine, think I’ll stay behind this time.” Harry looks back at his friend, but you see him glimpsing at you from the corner of his eyes.
You watch as his friend raises his brows, gazing between the two of you in a curious manner. You clear your throat, shifting in your seat as you look at them. “ It’s fine, I should get going anyway.”
“You don’t have to,” he says in a blink, a smirk twitching on his lips almost as if to cover up how quickly he said it. He turns back to his friend, who’s still watching the interaction with raised eyebrows. “You can go without me, I’ll see you all tomorrow.”
“Harry, you didn’t have to.” You subconsciously reach for his arm, retracting your touch just as fast when he glances at it. Clearing your throat, you play with “I really should get going, I was supposed to be on a walk after all.”
“Let me walk you back then,” he gets up from his stool, giving his friend a brief hug before turning back to you and extending his hand for you to take. Your lips part to protest, feeling as if you’re holding him back even though it was his decision to stay behind, but before the words can even come out of your mouth he beats you to it, “there’s no way I’m letting you go home by yourself this late, love.”
You sigh, shoulder dropping in defeat as you hold back a smile. Taking his hand, you stand up, “okay.”
The main street hasn’t exactly quieted down since you first walked by it, in fact, it only seems like it’s gotten rowdier. Time only increasing the buzz wandering in the air around the people filling the bars, voices louder, filled glasses clinking more frequently. As you stroll through it side by side there’s a comment or to that floats in the air, but you have to all but shout it, fighting with the turmoil of noise.
As soon as you turn into the first street away from the crowds it’s as if someone had turned off the sound completely, the nest of voices getting far-off in the distance and the loudest sound being of the night breeze kissing the tree branches above you. You can feel Harry glancing up at you from the corner of your eye and it doesn’t take long until his voice echoes in the air in an attempt to make small talk.
It’s surprising to you, how easy it is to be drawn in a conversation with him. Harry’s essentially not the same offstage as he is under the spotlight, most people aren’t. There’s no need for him to bloat his charisma when talking to you, he’s quieter. Shy, almost. And it takes you back a bit, to see such contrast in a short amount of time.
The magnetic force to him, however, still lingers even when he’s like this. You feel drawn to it, wanting to hear him speak about everything that comes to mind, just to savor the way he articulates his words, voice so calm and low it sends an electric chill down your spine. As he tells you about his music inspirations, going on the story about the time he traveled alone to crash a Fleetwood Mac concert, hands brushing against yours when he walks, you catch yourself wondering what it would feel like to link them together.
Once you reach your street, just a block away from the entrance gate of your home, you notice the front lights are yet to be turned off, indicating your roommates are still up and around -- most likely arguing about MTV’s top ten of the week. The realization makes you come to an abrupt stop, catching Harry off guard as he takes a few steps before realizing you stayed behind.
“Wait.” You say once he turns around, brows furrowed in a silent question as to why you stopped. “Uhm… You can drop me off here… It’s fine.”
“What do you mean? Is it too far? I don’t mind walking-”
“No!” You interrupt. “It’s not that, my house is right there, see?” You point to the bricked building no too far from where you stand.
“Why do y’want me to drop you off here, then?” The crease on his face deepens.
“I-- it’s just--” you begin, not knowing how to say it. “It’s just the girls are still awake, and..”
“Ah,” he clicks his tongue, an amused grin expanding on his cheeks. “Don’t wanna get scolded for hanging out with the enemy.”
“Don’t say like that.” You chuckle at yourself, looking down in embarrassment. “They just will never let me hear the end of it.”
“I get it, bunny.” He takes easy steps towards you, closing the space as he stands tall in front of you. You hold your breath as you look up at him, meeting his irises glimmering in enjoyment, dimples shadowing on his cheek. His hand reaches up, moving a strand of your hair behind your ear and you swear if he gets any closer he’ll be able to hear your heart thumping in anticipation. “Had a lovely time with you.”
“Me, uhm--” you clear your throat as your voice cracks, blood flooding your cheeks. “Me too.”
The streetlight above gives his face a golden glow that almost takes your breath away, his hair glistening in the light due to the gel pushing it back, and now even more rebel strands curl against his forehead. You half expect him to lean down, you don’t know why he would, but for a moment it seems like he will. To your dismay, however, he steps back, giving you one last smile before moving out of your way on the sidewalk. “I’ll see you around, then.”
❁ ❁ ❁
“I have some exciting news for you.”
Abbey’s voice startles you, not realizing she’d entered the dressing room while you focused on the book on your lap. Since you’ve gotten a spot at every other weekend on the pub, your routine just seemed to get even more busy, with rehearsals almost every day. So, because of that you barely find time to do your assignments. And with a book report due just around the corner, you’d thought maybe you could sneak in some reading time after the gig when everyone’s down at the bar and not prancing and screaming around the dressing room.
Your assumptions shows itself to be wrong, however, when your perky friend bounces her way to where you sit. She kneels next to the couch, crossing her arms on top of your legs and resting her chin on them, looking up at you expectantly, lips lifted in a side grin.
“What is it?”
“Got us an after-party, babe.” you notice a few colored lollies in her hand when she removes the plastic protecting a red one, shoving it between your lips before you can even protest. “And you’re coming with us.”
“I’d love to but I have class tom—“ Your voice is muffled around the sweet.
She rolls her eyes, standing to sit next to you on the arm of the couch. “You should stop wasting your life with an outdated system”
“You mean getting a degree?”
“Do you watch the news? We’re about to be the last generation to live fully, the world is about to break into nuclear wars all around.” She says as a matter-of-fact, turning to rest her legs on top of your lap. “Cosmo said we probably won’t even make it to the 2000s”
“Who’s Cosmo?”
She sighs, reaching to move a strand of your hair behind your ear. Her voice comes out soft, but calculated, “what matters is that we should enjoy our time while we have it.”
“You’re giving a whole speech about nuclear war to convince me to go to a party with you.” You arch your brows at her.
“Yes.”
You sigh, shoulders falling in defeat as you let yourself be convinced. “Okay. But I’ll—”
“Great!!” She squeals, moving her legs from your lap and leaning down to grab your face, pressing a quick kiss on top of your hair before jumping from the couch, and out of the room.
Once you arrive at the location of the after-party, Abbey leads you and Lena to a tall gate by the side of the house, explaining that you’re walking in from the back garden, considering the front door is locked. You find it odd, and if wasn’t for the muted sound of instruments echoing inside the bricked walls of the place, you’d doubt there was even a party happening here at all. The front of it was as regular as the other surrounding suburbian homes, grass neatly trimmed and the front lights turned off, as if nobody was even home.
Which is why you’re visibly taken back when you walk by the gate into the back area, finding an old vintage bus that could be around ten or even twenty years old, sitting in the middle of the grass. The wheels of it have been taken off, and every inch of the exterior is covered by graffiti, so much you couldn’t even make out the original color of it if you tried. Some of them are unreadable scribbles tangling on top of each other. Some are colorful drawings painted over them -- two sunflowers catch your attention, marked just above where the wheel would be, growing tall along the side and above the window.
“I know, right?” Abbey nods at your astounded expression. “Legend says John Lennon signed it somewhere.”
“Really?” You look at her, not able to hold back the way your voice pitches in amazement.
“Dunno, never looked for it.” She shrugs. “C’mon I’ll show you.”
She grabs your hand, dragging you to the side of the vehicle pointing at some random drawings and explaining the rumors behind their meanings. You try to concentrate on her excited babbles, but as you see Lena walking away from the corner of your eye you look up to watch her meet with a girl you’ve never seen. Before you can focus back on your friend, something else catches your attention, sitting on a wooden bench under a large tree, no too far from where you stand.
Harry’s in a small group sat in a circle. You recognize two men from his band sitting on the grass with guitars propped on their laps, one being the same that interrupted you the night at the bar. The rest are women who seem to have come right out of Fleetwood Mac’s tour bus, their long hairs pushed back with hairbands and earthtoned flare pants. But you barely even care about the ones sitting on the grass, humming along to the strings of the guitars. What grabs your attention is the one next to harry on the bench, her arm draped over his shoulder as she dabbles flower petals playfully on his hair.
You hardly take in his appearance, half-mindedly noticing the tattoos decorating his arms that pokes out of his tank top and the twirls on his hair as the girl winds her fingers on it. it’s hard not to remember Abbey’s words when she said he knows how to sweet talk his way around, and the thought of having fallen down on his trap only makes your heart pang on your chest.
“-- That’s basically why they won’t let anyone paint over it anymore.” You turn back to Abbey as she points to the sunflowers you’d spotted earlier, nodding along as if you’d heard everything she said. She looks at you, “but I like this way better, don’t you think?”
“Yeah.” You agree, not exactly knowing what to.
She wraps her arm around yours, and you grasp the minty scent of her perfume as she pulls you close. “Let’s go inside.”
There’s an urge inside of you to peek back over your shoulder to catch a last glimpse of Harry, but you push it to the back of your mind, allowing Abbey to guide you around the bus where the entrance door is hanging open.
A small group of people greet you inside the bus, amongst them is the said ‘Cosmo’. He seems like the exact kind of person you’d imagine Abbey hanging around on her weekends’ escapades. Dressed in a baby blue velvet suit with nothing underneath his blazer except a few of - what you assume - hand-painted tattoos, matching with a rainbow stripe drawn on the side of his face, starting at the bridge of his nose and going all the way to the curve of his jaw. His hair hits just around his shoulders, the sides shaved so it’s like a puffed version of a mullet, edges dyed in a bright shade of red. He toys with a lit joint between his purple lips, picking it up and offering to you with a raise of his brows.
Normally you’d decline the offer, especially coming from someone you’d just met, but there’s an annoying feeling settling itself at the pit of your stomach. One you want to ignore but can only do so much to dull it, so you accept the joint, reaching for it and placing it in your mouth.
You’re not a regular smoker by any means, and when you inhale you can feel the smoke burning your throat as it moves down to curl inside your lungs. It makes you want to cough it out but you hold it in, trying to take in everything before huffing it out in a choked breath.
“Do you want a drink?” One of the girls asks you, already pouring you a purple drink inside a labeless plastic bottle.
“What’s in this?” You accept the cup, giving her an skeptic look.
“Pure fuel, babe.” Abbey leans on your shoulder from behind.
You hang out in the bus for a while, and, to your surprise, you don’t feel left out as they keep notice to include you in their conversations. The drink ends up being not that bad, and, even having no idea what’s in it except for the very artificial citric taste mixed with some very strong cheap alcohol, you still refill your cup after you finish it.
It’s a nice feeling, to get a bit looser in a party and allowing yourself to have some adventurous fun. And as time goes by and your mind gets cloudier, the group starts to disperse. Two of them find a spot in the back with as much privacy as they could get in a party to swallow each others faces. Another one passes out in one of the seats behind you, hugging the empty plastic bottle as if it’d run away from them. It leaves just Abbey and Cosmo with you, discussing with each other about something that you’ve stopped paying attention a long while ago.
You just watch them silently, resting your head back on the seat and feeling the late hours weightening on your eyelids. You feel like you could doze off at any moment, but what stops you from it is a loud screeching sound of an amplifier from inside the house. It startles you, making you jump slightly on your seat as you hear a voice speaking almost like a groan, and you’re not sure if it’s your drunken mind or the inaudible words but you can’t make out a single thing that’s being said. A crease deepens between your eyebrows and you turn to question your friend about it but, before you can do so what seems like the most obnoxious cover of We Built This City starts playing.
Abbey gasps as the chords of the song somehow get even louder, grasping her hand on the man’s arm. “Oh my god!” She squeals, exchanging a look with Cosmo as they both all but jump from their seats. She glances down at you, “We’re going in, are you coming?”
You raise your brows at her, trying to hide the scrunch on your face. “I’m good.”
She nods, making her way out of the bus, her feet stumbling on each other as she holds onto her friend’s shoulder to keep her balance. And just like that, you’re left alone on the leather seat.
You peek at the couple in the back, eyes bulging slightly as you see the girl has lost her shirt, the boy’s hands caress her chest as they keep their lips locked harshly. Deciding to give them a bit more privacy, you make your way out of the bus as well, the contrast from the compact air inside the vehicle to the crisp wind of the outdoors sending chills down your body.
Looking around, you realize most people hanging around are gone, probably gone inside the house. You can’t help but let your eyes wander to the spot you’d seen Harry earlier, and you don’t hold back the shock in your face when you find him still sitting on the bench, but this time with no one else around him. He fiddles with a lighter on his hand, flickering every so often to watch the weak flame before letting it die again.
Your feet start to move before you can really grasp that you’re walking towards him, your head still a bit cloudy from the substances in your bloodstream. He looks up once you get close to him, signature smirk growing on his lips as he glances up at you.
“Look what we have here.” He leans back, “a lost bunny.”
“Hi, Harry.” You say simply.
His smile turns a bit softer. “Where are your bandmates?”
“Celebrating.” You shrug.
“Shouldn’t you be as well?”
“I am.” You hold up the mostly empty red cup.
He chuckles. “I see, having fun by yourself then?”
You focus on a spot beyond his head, suddenly feeling timid under his gaze. “Seems like it.”
“Want to join my private party here?” He shifts to his side, patting the spot next to him. “S’very exclusive, as you can see.”
“Well, I’m honored to be invited, then.” You sit down on the space he made for you.
For a moment, there’s a silence between the two of you, the only sound being the jarring cover of Everybody Wants to Rule The World. The notes of it are so off that you can’t help but huff a relieved breath when it comes to an end, enjoying the few seconds of silence before they begin another song.
A small groan leaves your lips when the noise starts again, catching Harry’s attention as you feel his eyes land on the side of your face. “It should be illegal to ruin great songs like this.” You shake your head to yourself, speaking your thoughts out loud in a rush of confidence. “They should get arrested for it.”
He chuckles. “You’re not wrong.”
Your eyes dart at him, meeting his. It’s hard to miss the way his irises glimmer under the moonlight. When he glances down at the lighter still in his hands you take the opportunity to really have a look at him. The proximity makes you aware of a small constellation of freckles kissing his nose, and the stubble starting to poke out the skin along his jawline. You want to blame the haziness in your mind for the thoughts of how it would feel like to have it scratching against your skin. Or how it would feel under your lips as you nibble your way all the way to his rosy lips. You want to push these away, belittle them as nothing but drunken thoughts. But you know very well it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve let yourself be entertained by them.
A pitched scream takes you out of your head. You realize there’s been a beat of silence since he’s spoken, so you clear your throat, a warmth creeping up on your neck as if he’d been able to hear your thoughts. “Do you know them?”
He shakes his head slightly. “Not really, no. They played in the pub once, Ronnie hated them.” He glances at you, corner of his lips itching upwards. “Call themselves Crystal Illusion, so there’s that.”
“Christ.” You can’t help but roll your eyes. “And here I thought it couldn’t get any worse.”
The sound of his giggle makes you look back at him, catching the sight of his dimples carving deep on his cheeks. “You’re really something, aren’t you, bunny?”
“Why do you call me that?” The question rolls of your tongue before you can even think about it. His brows raise at your question, and you decide to enjoy the rush of confidence and pick on it further. “Dunno if I’m supposed to feel offended or charmed.”
“Don’t mean it as a tease, can tell that much.” He smiles, shrugging slightly. “You just remind me of a bunny.”
The words pique your curiosity. “How so?”
He looks back down to his lap, and if it wasn’t for the poor lighting you would be sure of the blush taking over his cheeks. “Just all cute -- could tell you were a bit reserved, and like, curious. Had your eyes wandering all around when I first saw you.” He moves his head around lightly as if to explain his point and you have to bite back a smile. “And when you were focused you’d scrunch your nose a bit. Like a bunny.”
“I’m glad you didn’t say I have big ears.” You try to humor, searching for his eyes.
He laughs, looking up at you. “I mean, now that you’ve mentioned it…”
Your gasp shifts into a giggle as you push him away playfully. “Well, if I’m a bunny...” You pause, racking your mind to think of an analogy for him, but your mind is still a bit slowed down, your thoughts taking a beat too long to catch up to your words. When you glance down to the arm that’s brushing against yours, you notice the tattoo peaking on his skin. You reach for it without thinking about it, fingers tracing the ink as you take in the drawing, his eyes follow your touch curiously. “Then you’re an eagle.” You cringe to yourself as soon as the words come out of your mouth, attempting to mask it as you breathe out a laugh.
He arches his brows, lips fluttering, trying to hold back a smile. “You think I’ll kill you?”
“Oh shit, you’re right.” You cover your face with your hand, shaking your head at yourself. “Didn’t think that one through.” Your laughs meld together for a moment, slowly dying off and giving space a comfortable silence. The only sounds being the nightly hum of cicadas and the whisper of the breeze against the branches of the trees, that and, well, the faint screams of instruments from inside the house. Looking up at him, a breath hitches when you realize the proximity of his eyes to yours. You try to tease him but when you speak your voice comes out lower than you expected, almost in a whisper, “so you think I’m cute?”
“Course I do.” He says in a blink. “Don’t think that’s much of a secret, love.”
You chew on your bottom lip, not missing the way his eyes dart down on your face. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“Yeah?” He smirks, wiggling his eyebrow teasingly. “Think I’m pretty?”
“I won’t inflate your ego if that’s what you want.”
“I tried.” He breathes out a laugh, eyes moving back down on your face but this time he doesn’t rush them back to yours, not hiding the intent of his gaze. For the first time, you’re glad for the background noise, afraid that if it wasn’t for it he’d be able to hear the thumping of your heart.“Can I kiss you?”
“Huh?” You blink at him, not because you didn’t hear him, but because you’re a bit taken back at the forwardness of the question.
He moves his arm to rest on the back of the bench, turning his hand to play with the tips of your hair. “Can I kiss you, bunny?” He repeats.
You nod before you can find it in you to voice your answer, clearing your throat, “yes.”
The hand that’s not in your hair moves to caress your cheek, he takes a moment to look at you, thumb rubbing your cheek gently before he leans in. Your eyes flutter close instinctively, holding your breath in anticipation as you feel his lips on the corner of your mouth. He keeps them there for a beat before pulling back, tilting your face a little just to finally close the space between your mouths.
The kiss starts slow. Uncertain, even. His lips are soft against yours, warm breath hitting your cupid bow as he sucks in your bottom lip gently. You feel his hand cupping your jaw, sneaking behind your neck as he pulls you closer and you all but melt under his touch. Being this close you can smell the scent of his cologne mixed with the smoke of cigarettes, and something about it is so sensual you can’t help but grip on his shirt as to have something to hold on to.
You can feel yourself getting lost on his touch, shamelessly scooping to the side as you enlace your thighs for the sake of being closer to him. His hand falls on your knee, rubbing it as your tongue line on his bottom lip.
It’s the sound of the door that leads to the house sliding open that falls like a bucket of ice water on your head, reminding you of your surroundings, and that you’re not, in fact, alone with him in the garden, which means any of your friends could easily spot you if they were to walk outside.
It’s almost like he reads your mind when you pull away from him, loosening your grasp on the material of his shirt. His lips don’t let you get far, trailing their way along your jaw until he can bite on your lobe. “Relax, petal” He whispers, pulling back to look at you as your noses brush together. “They won’t see us, even if they do they’re probably too stoned to even care.”
You let out a weak chuckle, gazing at the door where a group of people stumble their way towards the bus, voices loud as they slur incoherent words. It’s hard to see inside the house as most of the lights inside seem to be turned off, but you can tell how packed it is, bodies pressed so close together it makes you wince slightly just with the thought of being amongst them. Looking back at him, you ponder for a second before nodding. “You’re right.”
A grin paints on his face before he leans in, closing the space between you once again.
❁ ❁ ❁
“Still with us?” A call of your name on the mic snaps you out of your thoughts.
Looking up, you’re met with your bandmates curious eyes staring right at you and you realize you’ve probably been too lost in your own head to pay attention to the conversation in hand. Your lips part for a split second, trying to think of an answer that doesn’t give away your lack of focus but a single look at Abbey’s arched brows and you know you’ve been caught.
You clear your throat, lips tugging on a guilty smile. “Sorry, I am now.”
It’s hard not to let your eyes glimpse to the back of the room, where the sole reason for your distraction sits quietly on his regular spot, tucked behind his journal and doing his own thing. But you hold back the stare, knowing your moves were being watched by your friend who’s back to talking about the setlist changes for the night, and who would not be happy in the slightest to notice your wandering eyes falling on the one person she despises the most. You wonder how she’d react if she got her hands on the piece of paper burning through the back pocket of your denim shorts.
The message was short and simple, but the connotation behind it carried a much stronger meaning to it.
Meet me in the back before the gig, want to see you. -H
You found it tucked inside your case, lying innocently on top of your bass, apparent enough so anyone who’d opened the case could’ve found it before you. Surely, no one else did, otherwise, you wouldn’t hear the end of it from the minute you’d stepped into the place. Which makes you wonder how he managed to slip in the note sneakily enough without anyone noticing it, but the curiosity is well dulled in your mind by the pounding of your heart.
To your dismay, however, you barely got a look at him throughout the rehearsal. You got to The Blue Bird later than you’d intended to, the tutoring session you had on the day ended up running later than you’d expected. So by the time you stepped through the string curtains of the pub Harry was already tucked on the shadowy corner and everyone else was hanging by the stage waiting for you, barely giving you a second to set your bag in the dressing room.
So it’s hard for you not to stare when he gets up from his seat, walking into the lighter space of the bar with his signature smirk painted on his face. You’d just gone through the last song of your set for the second time -- an amplified version of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Lena insisting on repeating it after messing up on the first try). He’s holding a maroon leather jacket on his arm, along with his journal, leaving his arms bare under his Bowie tank top -- which, as he approaches the stage you notice the uneven hem on the sleeves, suggesting he might’ve cut them off himself. His hair is running wild as usual, the fringe curling against his forehead and you chew on your lip at the thought of running your hands through it as you did not even a week ago.
He reaches to the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out a pack of cigarettes as he reaches the end of the stage. “That was a great one, everybody, maybe if you keep it going we can get you a spot on that wacky show they’re premiering.” He sets the stuff he’s carrying on the stage floor, crossing his arms on top of it. “What’s it called again? ‘S like ‘gag me with a spoon’ or something like that.”
“We wouldn’t want to steal your spot again.” The words leave your lips before you can process them, for a moment forgetting you’re not alone with him so your playful tease can be easily interpreted as mocking.
He rests the things he’s carrying on his arm on the stage floor, hoisting himself up almost effortlessly before picking them up again, walking the few steps it takes for him to stand in front of you. His lips are tugged on a shit-eating grin. “Got another feisty one in here, huh?” He crosses his arms under his chest, and you can’t help but note the way his muscles flex at the gesture, his tattoos dancing slightly on his skin. “What makes you so smug about stealing my spot? Reckon Ronnie only said he needed more chicks hanging around.”
“If that’s the case then there’s no need for you to be intimidated by a band of chicks, then.” You keep your eyes trained on his, but you can notice Abbey’s getting wider from over his shoulder.
His lips twitch up, and you can tell he’s holding back a genuine smile as not to crack your act. “Am I intimidated now, bunny?”
“It’s what it looks like.” You shrug, now holding back your own smile.
“Maybe you need to take a better look at things then, angel.” He starts walking backwards in the direction of the backstage. “Wouldn’t want any more misunderstandings, would we?”
“Don’t think we would.”
And with that, he turns around, walking the rest of the way out and disappearing as he rounds the corner to where you know it’s the door leading to the back alleyway. You just stand there quietly for a moment, following his steps as you try to recollect what just happened. For the two of you, it was clear that the tension was the product of an unspoken want circling around, but you question for a second if that’s the impression that your friends had. And as you look at their expressions, raised brows and mouths agape, it’s hard to tell.
“Holy shit, babe.” Abbey is the first to speak out. “Didn’t know you had that in you.”
You hold back a relieved exhale, shrugging slightly as you remove the strap of the bass from your shoulder. “He was just getting on my nerves.” You face away from her, placing the instrument on the stand.
The anticipation of meeting Harry grows impatiently on your stomach as you try to find a gap where no one’s attention is on you to sneak out of the dressing room. It seems as if every time you think you can do it, someone pulls you in, either to try to push you another pill of something you’re not sure what it is or to ask you to help with their makeup. But as the room gets filled and people get higher, their focus become more diffuse, and finally, after finishing assisting Jaz with her eyeliner (her hands were too shaky to get it right) you manage to slip out the room into the corridor.
There’s a sense of recognition that takes over your body when you feel the wind messing with your hair as you step out the building to be met with Harry’s figure leaning back on the wall, not too far from the spot you found him the last time you’d been in this same position. His eyes shoot in your direction as soon as you step through the door as if he’d been waiting for this just as eagerly as you were. He quickly throws the butt of the cigarette on the floor, stepping on it before standing tall as you slowly approach him.
“Hi.” You say simply, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shorts -- not knowing with to do with your hands.
“Hi.” His grin grows. “Came back here to intimidate me?” He teases, biting on his bottom lip.
“Actually,” you scrunch your lips, deciding to play his game as you reach on your back pocket, retrieving the small piece of paper and holding it up. “Got this very desperate note from a secret admirer but I don’t see any hotties here.” You click your tongue, looking around as you let out a loud sigh. “Guess it might be just a misunderstanding.”
He laughs, hands reaching for your waist to draw you closer. “That’s too bad, guess you’re stuck with me”
“Yeah?” You wrap your arms around his shoulders, stepping closer so that your chests meet and his forehead falls against yours.
He nods in response, your noses brushing gently before he leans to meet your mouth with his own.
❁ ❁ ❁
There’s a thrilling feeling that settles deep within you when it comes to holding a secret.
It’s that spark of excitement that brings a kaleidoscope of butterflies to come alive on your stomach. The kind of feeling that makes every cell of your body feel not just simply alive but as if it’s burning with joy. Which is why you guess falling into a routine of sneaking around with Harry on secret little rendezvous was so easy, to begin with.
Of course, your friends’ opinions are important to you, but you know that you’re an adult very much capable of making your own decisions. That means sleeping with anyone you’d like despite their ill opinions about the person, without having to sneak around as if you’re teenagers hiding from your parents. You know that, and you try to remind yourself of that every time you catch yourself lying to them about your whereabouts at every coming day.
In the beginning, you weren’t even sure that there was anything to it except for a couple of innocent kisses, maybe some not-so-innocent touches here and there, but nothing really worth even telling anyone. You’d only really see Harry on the weekends. When he would steal moments with you before your gigs when you “had to take a breather”. Or when mysteriously disappeared from your friends’ sides during after parties after they already had their minds buzzed and noses backed up. Or even when your night walks would tart becoming gradually longer due to your curiosity getting the best of you once you found yourself in front of the familiar Pub on Harry’s nights.
The weekends’ escapades took a different turn when they graduated to weekdays. Things took a quick turn then. It started with him offering you a ride to the houses for your tutoring or to the library (stealing kisses every now and then, of course). And before you knew, you were making up classes or books to rent for your oblivious roommates, only to spend hours on Harry’s car. Coming back with puffy lips and messy hair.
Part of you felt bad for going behind their backs, every now and then feeling an urge to pull Lena aside and gush about him for as long as your heart desired.
But it’s the thrill of it, of having something that’s just yours to have, that no one else knows except the two of you. The adrenaline that comes with the possibility of getting caught at any moment, but being able to get away with it. It’s almost addicting to you, so you prefer to have these moments just to yourself.
As the days went by, and those days turned into weeks, and those weeks turned into months, it just made it harder for you to tell them you’d been hiding a whole relationship for this amount of time. Well, not exactly a relationship, but as close as you ever got to one anyway.
And it’s not like you’d never had anyone before. Being in the music scene, you’ve had your quite a few amounts of flings — even though not as many as it’s expected. But no one has ever left you as enamored as him, especially not as quickly as he has. He’s intriguing, carrying around that mysterious aura around him that leaves everyone wondering the secrets he holds in his heart.
Although when it’s just the two of you it’s like this cocky persona of him completely dissolves. It’s a complete contrast from the image he carries around the restless mouths of prying people. He’s not that enigmatic heartbreaker who hops around strangers beds as if to live that classic Rock ‘n Roll lifestyle you see on TV. Rather, he’s shown himself to be the most caring man you’ve ever been with.
And that’s how you found yourself in this position, your body awkwardly positioned on your side in the rear seat of his car. A hand tangled on his hair while the other pulls at his Bowie shirt, you know your lips are probably starting to get swollen and his are taking a raspberry tone from the way they’d been sucking at one another. So with that in mind, you part from his mouth, trailing kisses along his cheek, and a final one at his nose before sitting back on the seat.
Just as you predicted his rose-colored lips are plump as he grins back at you, his locks are wild on top of his head. His hair has grown around his jawline now, curls poking out in all directions and you can’t help but reach your hand to pull his fringe back from his forehead. His smile growing fondly and eyes fluttering shut as you run your hand through his strands.
When you pull away you catch a glimpse of your wrist clock, cringing slightly at yourself as you realize you should start thinking of heading home.
“I have to go soon.” You let your hand fall to your lap with a sigh.
“Already?” He pouts. “Barely had any time together.”
“We’ve been here for two hours, silly.” You giggle at his dramatics, leaning to press your lips on his chin.
He throws an arm over your shoulder, keeping you close. “Exactly, barely any time.”
He turns his head to connect your mouths once more before pulling you against him so your head rests on his shoulder. You look beyond the glass of the windshield to the nearly empty street -- saving from a few people walking back from what you assume is a day of work
He’s parked on the usual spot two blocks away from your house, and from this angle, you can see the front gate that leads to the entrance. The front seat of the coupe still folded forward as there was no reason to set it back to place considering the circumstance in which you were on the backseat. You had called home from the payphone in front of the library, letting Lena know you’d be home late to catch up with some studies -- another lie to your pile.
There’s a comfortable silence that falls between the two of you -- apart from the low voice of the radio Dj interrupting A-ha’s Take On Me in the background. If you move your head just right you can hear his speeding heartbeat, and if wasn’t for the faltering on his breathing you’d assume he was just as relaxed as you are. You move away from him, his arm falling around your waist, looking at his profile as he pokes at his jeans, a crease between his eyebrows.
You rest your cheek against the leather seat, grasping his chin with your fingers and gently moving his head so his gaze meets yours. “What’s on your mind, handsome?”
He breathes out a laugh, shrugging lightly as he brings his hand to scratch at the tip of his nose. “Nothing much.”
“But there’s something.” You insist, being able to tell he’s pondering over something.
“It’s just-- I just thought--” he pauses with a sigh. You play with the rings on his fingers, waiting patiently for him to express his thoughts, you can tell he’s a bit nervous which is an adorable change from his regular charming demeanor. “I wanted to maybe-- like, we could have a date.”
.
You straighten your posture, lips parting as you take in his words. “A date?”
“Yeah… A proper one, you know?” He shrugs, eyes darting back on yours. “If you want to, that is! Don’t wanna pressure you or anything.”
“I do, H.” You nod, chewing on your lip as you try to recollect your thoughts. It’s not as if you don’t want to go on a date with him, that couldn’t be further from the truth. But turning it into a formality just changes completely the scheme of things and, as much as you felt like this is an inevitable step to take at some point, you still feel protective to an extent of this secret you have between the two of you. So you can help but let your voice come a little apologetic, “it’s just--”
“I know.” His shoulders drop and you can’t help but feel a tug at your heart.
“Hey.” You caress his cheek. “I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Okay.” His lips perk up in a small smile, and you lean forward to give him a peck.
He’s still looking at you with puppy-like eyes and it does nothing to help the heaviness in your heart from turning him down. You lean again this time to spread kisses around his cheek as an attempt to pull a giggle out of him, but you only earn a light chuckle so you seat back tilting your head to look at him with a pluck of your lips. “C’mon where’s my smug rockstar gone?”
“He’s right here.” The shadow of his dimples appears on his cheeks. His voice comes out low and gentle, as if he’s still pondering over what you said earlier, “just toned him down a bit.”
You sigh, trying to rack your brain to another subject that can distract him from it. You catch sight of the slightly smudged end of his eyeliner, and your face lights up as you remember a request you’ve always wanted to bring it up. “Do you want to know something?” Biting back a cheeky grin, you cross your arms under your chin as he looks at you with raised eyebrows. “Should let me do your makeup, so you can be a proper rockstar.”
He lets out a laugh. “Do I need that, now?”
“Mhm, said it yourself, it’s part of the look.”
“Did I say that?” You nod, teeth still biting on your lip. He lets out a breath, contemplating the idea for a second before looking back at you. “Okay then.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Course, could never say no to you even if I tried.” He lets his hand fall on your thigh, rubbing it gently. “On one condition, though.” You arch your brows in question. “Come to my gig tomorrow.”
You face scrunches in confusion. “I always go to your gigs.”
“Yeah but I mean go earlier, like so we can hang out before and stuff.” His finger starts to draw circles on your knee. “So you can do my makeup, too, can go on stage looking all pretty.”
“As if you could ever look anything less than pretty.” You say before sitting back, thinking of his proposal. “You’re asking me to be there early…”
“What? D’you have plans already? Got a boyfriend I don’t know about?” And there it is, the teasing Harry you know.
You shake your head, poking his side playfully. “Oh yeah, maybe I should’ve mentioned him sooner.”
“Shut up.” He rolls his eyes before looking at you, his voice coming down to a pleading tone. “Come, please.”
Before the yes can roll off your tongue you remember that you wouldn’t be alone with him. “What about your band?”
He furrows his brows. “What about them?”
“Well, do they know?”
“They couldn’t care less about us, baby.” He sighs, head falling back on the seat as he moves his hand so it rests on your inner thigh, rubbing a spot in there. “Have no meaning hiding you.”
You can’t hold back the smile that grows on your lips, leaning to press a kiss to his mouth before letting professing in just above a whisper, “You always know what to say, don’t you?”
❁ ❁ ❁
“‘S poking my eye.”
“Shh, quiet.”
“You’re rubbing it too harsh.” Harry grabs your wrist, eyes fluttering open to stare up at you.
“I’m being gentle, you’re just not used to the feeling of the brush.” You argue, keeping a finger under his chin so his head is tilted upwards as you shuffle on his lap. “Now close your eyes, I’m almost done.”
He lets out a huff, trying to feign annoyance, but the slight twitch of his lips and the subtle appearance of his dimples break his facade. You know as much as he won’t admit to it, he’s quite enjoying having you propped on his lap, fingers stroking gently his eyelids while you hum along to The Cure’s record that’s mixing with the murmurs of the other people in the room.
To your surprise, you’ve come to realize that the dressing room is significantly less chaotic when it comes to Harry’s band. The place is not nearly as packed as it can get during your nights, in fact, apart from the band itself, there’s only a handful of people hanging around. And as much as you notice their bloated pupils and stumbled walks, they mostly keep it to themselves, sharing around a bottle of vodka to wash down their pills.
Like Harry had assured you, his bandmates couldn’t be less bothered by your presence amongst them. And as much as you recognize all from the numerous gig you’ve been in before, and that according to them your name has been frequently mentioned by Harry himself (which did make his cheeks turn into an adorable shade of red), it’s nice to be formally introduced to them. In fact, they were so quick to treat you as one of their own that you could feel a slightly guilty feeling expanding on your chest from the number of times you’d heard your friends bad mouthing them in attempts to joke around.
You swallowed the feeling back, though, accepting a plastic cup they poured with champagne (which you learned is a tradition before gigs) and making a conversation.
“Are you done yet?” You feel the vibration of his voice on that back of your fingers that touch against his throat.
“Yes,” you say with a final stroke of your brush on his eyes, sitting back to admire your work with your teeth carved on your bottom lip. “You can open your eyes, baby.”
He blinks his eyes open and you can’t help the smile that breaks through your lips as you examine the contrast of the burning red eyeshadow with his jade irises as he looks back at you. “How do I look?”
You grab his cheeks, leaning down to press a quick peck on his lips. “Like a proper rockstar.”
“Yeah?” He grins once you let your hands caress on the smooth skin of his chest poking through his unbuttoned blue blouse. “Think I can finally get some groupies now?”
Scoffing, you swing your hand to shove him back playfully with a roll of your eyes. You try to move away but he grabs hold of your wrists, pulling you in again. “You’re insufferable.”
“Just how you like it.” His hands fall to your waist, bringing it closer as you let your arms wrap around his shoulders.
His lips meet your on a slow kiss, allowing you to taste the strawberry flavor of the lipstick you’d applied earlier, the thought of messing it completely lost in your mind as you tilt your head to deepen it even more. His fingers now grip on your hips over your denim skirt that has ridden up considerably since you first propped yourself on his lap. For a moment you just stay like this, tangled on each other’s arms, every so often you scratch on his neck, pulling his hair just a bit so you can swallow the most delicious mewls.
He parts from you as slowly as the kiss started, pecking on your lips a couple of times before letting his head fall back, hands moving to rub at your thighs over your pink tights. His eyes are hooded as he looks up at you with a smirk, voice coming low as if he’s sharing a secret just between the two of you, “can we go to the back?”
“Sure.” You unstranddle him, adjusting your skirt as you stand up and offering your hands to help him to his feet. He takes them, almost bringing you back down on the couch as he pulls a little bit too hard.
Once he’s up he takes a look at himself on the mirror in the wall opposite to the couch, a pleased smile on his face letting you know he likes the result of your work. He reaches for your hand then, guiding you into the hallway and out the back door you’ve become so familiar with.
Walking into the alleyway, he walks to his usual spot, leaning back on the wall and pulling you with him. His hands easily find their place on your waist once again, fingers tapping against the fabric of your skirt anxiously. Looking down at you, there’s anticipation on his eyes, as if he’s trying to tell you something but is waiting for you to bring it up.
“So,” he begins, eyes darting around as he parts his legs a bit, enough to fit you between them as he pulls you closer.
“So…” You say, drifting off as a way to encourage him to keep going.
“I’ve thought about the date thing.”
You wrap your arms around his neck, playing with the ends of his har. “Wasn’t I the one that was supposed to be doing that?”
He shrugs slightly, looking down to where his fingers fiddle with a loose strand of your vest. There’s something very endearing about seeing him so nervous, a complete opposite to how he carries himself in public, as this cocky and confident guy. You’re grateful that he allows you to see this side of him, though, bringing your hand to caress his jawline as you wait him to speak his thoughts. “Yeah, but I had like, an idea, or whatever.”
“Do tell.”
“I thought we could do--” he shakes his head a bit. “We could go to a place that’s still more reserved, and stuff.”
“Like?”
“I dunno, I--” he chews on his lip, a habit he’s starting to get from you. “Thought we could go to my flat and like hang out, we could go to that diner that has a drive tru and get something to eat and go back to my place.”
“Are you trying to take me home, Styles?” You tease, not being able to hold back a smile.
“It’s not like that, I just--” he huffs, cheeks getting a bit flushed as he tries to explain himself. “Just if you’re comfortable with it, of course, we can still go around on my car if you prefer, I don’t mind.”
“Harry?” You hold his cheek, moving it so his eyes can meet yours. Rubbing your thumb against his smooth skin, you try to soothe him, shooting him a fond smile. “I think that’s a really nice idea.”
“Yeah?” You don’t miss the way his eyes light up. “Is that a yes, then?”
“Of course.”
“Cool, I can, like, call you before I leave home so you can go to our spot and I can pick you up, yeah?” It’s the fastest he’s speaking since the moment you walked out of the building, voice a pitch higher. “How about Friday?
“Great.” You giggle, tangling your fingers on his hair to pull him down so his forehead rests against yours. Lips brushing, you blink up at him, jade eyes flickering around your face, “I can’t wait.”
He smiles. “Me too.”
❁ ❁ ❁
An annoyed puff leaves your lips as you notice another typo in one of the words inked in the paper poking out of the typewriter. You grab it maybe a bit too forcefully, this being the fourth time in a matter of minutes you had to do this. Taking it out of the platen, you reach for the whiteout conveniently prompted next to you, carefully correcting the error before putting the paper back on the machine.
With the end of the term peeking around the corner, you’ve been finding yourself in this position more often than not. Either rushing with your essays or grading assignments from your students. No matter what the arrangement is, however, there’s always a guarantee to have a half-empty mug of coffee and a pile of textbooks spattered on your desk.
This time around is no different, as you lean back on your chair, closing your eyes and rubbing your hands over your face, you try to focus on Cyndi Lauper singing in the background as a way to relieve your stress. You can feel the inkling of a headache deep inside your forehead, indicating maybe it’s time to give yourself a break, So, you try your best to relax the tension out of your muscles, breathing in the soft chamomile scent of the burning candle on your nightstand -- it’s one Lena gave to you to help with the stress a few days ago. What disturbs you from your moment of meditation with Time After Time, making you snap out of your breathing exercise, is the ringing tone of the telephone echoing through the house. The sound comes into your room a bit muffled thanks to your closed door, but it’s still enough to irritate you.
You hear closely to the sounds outside your door, waiting for Lena, who you know is propped on the couch downstairs watching TV, to pick up the call and cease the annoying tune interrupting your moment. And as you predict, in just a few minutes the ringing noise stops as quickly as it started, making you relax back on your chair. Closing your eyes again, you let yourself go back to the moment before the interruption, untensing your shoulders. You can hear the pound of heavy footsteps coming up the wooden staircase, but don’t process them getting closer until your door swings open.
Lena is standing in your doorway with an expression that’s hard to read at first, her brows set on a slight frown her hairline and mouth agape. Before you can tell her off for her sudden entrance she’s already speaking, “can you tell me why the fuck Harry Styles is calling our house looking for you?”
You can feel your heartbeat falter at her words, eyes widening as you glance at your bunny-shaped clock and realizing you had gotten so lost in your studies you forgot about the date. “Shit,” you get up so fast from your chair it falls back on the rug. You turn to Lena, who’s watching the scene with the most amused smirk on her face, “is he still one the line?”
As soon as she nods you’re stumbling down the stairs, almost falling down on the last steps but catching yourself up on the railing. You reach for the wired phone lying upwards on the hallway stand, picking it up and walking into the closest door - which happens to be the coat closet - closing it behind you.
“Hello?” You sound out of breath, heartbeat roaring in your ear.
“Did I fuck it up?” His voice is hesitant, nearly remorseful, it makes your heart drop.
“I-- no, you didn’t.” You reassure, leaning back on the wall of the tiny space, instantly regretting your decision of not choosing the restroom in your panic state. “I just got caught up with an essay and didn’t see the time passing.”
“Do you want to reschedule?” He drags out the words as if he doesn’t want to say them. “We can do this another day, I don’t mind.”
“No!” You protest quickly, reaching back to roughly adjust a hanger that’s poking on your neck, causing a raincoat to fall on your feet. “Of course not, I really need a break, anyway. I want to see you.”
“Want to see you, too.” You can hear the smile on his voice. “What about your friend?”
You sigh, rubbing your temple slightly. “I’ll talk to her, don’t worry about it.”
“Okay.” He says. “I’ll be at yours in around fifteen, is that good?”
“That’s perfect, yes.”
“I’ll see you in a bit then…” He drifts off, as if he wants to say something else, but stops himself.
“See you.”
The familiar sound of the deadline takes place and you sigh, letting your head fall back on the wall with a thump and staying like that for a moment. When you step out of the closet, the first thing you see is Lena leaning against the railing of the stairs, shaking her head at you in disbelief. “You bitch.”
Your shoulders drop, not wanting to have this conversation right now, as you put the phone back on the base. “Can we not do this--”
“You’ve been fucking him all this time and you didn’t tell me?” She crosses her arms under her breasts. “Abbey is gonna throw a fit when she knows this.”
“You’re not gonna tell her.”
“I’m not.” She agrees with you. “But she already knows you’re sneaking out with someone.”
“She does?” Your voice gets higher, eyes widening slightly.
“She might be high as a kite most of the time, yes, but she’s not stupid.” She chuckles. “And you’re not the best at hiding either, or you thought we wouldn’t notice you’re barely at home anymore?”
You frown your mouth, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. “Does she suspect that it’s him?”
“Not really no, thought it was one of your students.”
You can’t help the horrified look that takes over your face. “I tutor children!”
“Ooh,” she breathes out a laugh. “Well, to be fair, he’s probably the last person she would suspect.”
“She’s gonna kill me.”
“Probably.” She shrugs. “But she’ll just have to get over it.”
“I guess.”
Lena looks at you, dropping her arms as she walks to you. Holding into your shoulders, her expression softens. “Don’t worry about this right now, okay? Go get ready for your date.”
“You’re right.” You sigh, nodding. It takes you a second, but as you process her words, you frown, squinting your eyes at her. “How do you know we have a date right now?”
Her hands drop, mouth scrunching as she waves her hands around. “I just guessed.”
“Were you listening on the line?’
“Of course not!” She steps away.
“Adeline!”
She backs away, reaching the bottom of the stairs with the guiltiest look you’ve ever seen splattered on her face. “It was just a bit of it! I was curious!”
You shake your head in disbelief. “I’m gonna cut the cord of that phone in your room.”
“No, you’re not.”
Raising your eyebrows in challenge, you take a careful step in her direction, causing her to go up another step. There’s a beat of silence where you two just stare at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. When you finally give in, racing towards the staircase, she stumbles up the rest of the steps, the sound of your giggles mixing together taking over the space.
❁ ❁ ❁
There’s an instant sense of comfort when you see Harry’s lime green Ford parked on your usual spot, one that gives an extra pep to your walk, pushing all the stress you’ve been dwelling with to the back of your mind. And as you relax into the leather seat, windows down and radio up, you let yourself enjoy the anticipation of spending the rest of your day with him that settles deep in your stomach.
You’d always wondered what Harry’s apartment would look like, imagining his LP’s splattered across the place, along with loose papers filled with guitar riffs and song lyrics. Maybe a couple of plants here and there, from what he told you he had tried to take care of one or two before, but always ended up forgetting to water them on schedule. And there’s also a notion inside of you that two young men living together in an apartment are bound to live in somewhat of a nest, so you brace yourself for the piles of beer cans and video game wires tangling on the floor.
When he opens the front door for you, letting you walk in before him, it does surprise you to find a tidier place than you’d expected his living room to be, but you realize you’d not been much far off with your assumption. It’s clear this is a house of musicians from the second you step in, the first sight being two guitars leaning on the wall next to the mud green couch, surrounded by - you guessed it - loose papers, which you assume are filled with scribbled ideas. A wall piano also stands out across the room, a single ashtray standing on top of it next to two candles, where you assume comes the faint scent of vanilla comes from.
“Sorry about the mess,” Harry speaks out from behind you, shrugging out of his usual denim jacket and throwing it over the couch arm, looking back at you with his hands on his hips.
“It’s alright.” Your teeth sink on your bottom lip as you take in the sight of him. Without his jacket, he’s left with just a wine-colored half-buttoned blouse, sleeves rolled up to his elbows so some of his tattoos are exposed. Part of the hem is tucked inside his low waist jeans that hug his thighs so perfectly it makes you want to grip your nails on it. Shaking your head, lightly, you let your eyes wander around the room once more, so he doesn’t notice you gawking at him. “Was expecting worse, to be honest.”
“Do you think that little of me?” He feigns offense.
You giggle, taking a lazy step towards him, shrugging. “I just don’t expect two young men to know the basic of cleaning, that’s all.”
“That’s fair,” he chuckles, taking a moment to just look at you. When a silence settles between the two of you, you raise your brows at him, waiting for him to make the first move. He clears his throat, running his hand through his hair. “Do you want anything to drink?”
“Sure!” You nod. “Do you have, like, beer or…”
“Yes, yes I--” he stops, face lighting up in realization. “No wait, I have something better.” He strides towards a door to where you assume the kitchen is, calling over his shoulder, “make yourself comfortable, I’ll be right back!”
You laugh to yourself, shaking your head as you pull your purse off your shoulder, letting it rest beside Harry’s jacket on the couch. Glancing over your shoulder, there are no signs of him coming back, so you take the opportunity to snoop around the area.
There’s a small center table in front of the couch, probably the messiest part of the room so far, a few movie magazines splattered around with another ashtray lying on top of it, a few butts of cigarettes long forgotten along with their ashes. Next to it, is a VHS cover of </i> Ghostbusters, a rental receipt paper scrambled on top of it. What calls your attention is a couple of cassette tapes, some with titles you recognize from being Harry’s songs scribbled on top of them but others don’t have a label, which leads you to assume they must be blank.
You walk around the table, gazing to the tv stand, where a poster of Freud is stuck on the wall behind it -- and breathing out a laugh as you notice someone had drawn glasses and colored his beard with a red sharpie. A bookshelf stands next to it, completely filled with records (apart from a single succulent that has a piece of paper with the name “Ziggy” glued to it). Your curiosity gets the best of you, picking up some LPs on random and what does surprise you, is the lack of a common theme between them. Finding a bit of everything, from some very recognizable names you’ve seen Harry rock to, like Billy Joel and The Clash, to some you’d never even heard him speak of like Culture Club and even a brand new Madonna record.
You have just picked up the cover of Ladies of the Canyon when his voice startles you from behind. “Mitchell, huh?”
Turning back with the record still in hands, you look down at it. “I love her.” You glance up, taking notice of the glasses in his hand, filled with a liquid of a yellow so bright it reminds you of a highlighter. “What’s this?”
“This,” he hands you a glass. “Is a drink we made.”
You raise your eyebrows at him. “You made this?”
“I’m a man of many talents, bunny.”
“It looks like poison.” You bring the glass up to your nostrils, taking in the strong scent of alcohol. “Am I going to be poisoned? Is this a big plan to get rid of your rival’s bassist?”
“Stop being silly.” He rolls his eyes. “It’s mainly pineapple and vodka, takes weeks to be done, proper fancy stuff, you know?”
“Oh yeah super fancy.” You tease, chewing on your bottom lip to hold back a smile.“Pineapple and vodka.”
“Shut up and drink it.” He says, watching you carefully as you slowly bring the brim of the glass to your lips, taking a small sip of it. An instant sweet taste of pineapple invading your tastebuds, but the vodka is so present it makes you scrunch your nose. Harry gives you a small smile, eyes trained on you as he waits for your verdict, “so…”
“It’s strong.” Your face is still a bit rumpled from the alcohol, but you relax it eventually taking another sip of it, this time quite more prepared for it. “But it’s good, tastes like pineapple and vodka, who would say?”
“Shut up.” He chuckles, taking a step back and propping himself down on the couch.
With the record still in hands, you turn to put it back where you found it, admiring the full bookshelf once more. “Got a nice collection here, Styles, I gotta admit.”
He sips on his drink. “Found something you fancy in there?”
“A couple.”
“Put on something you like.” He motions to the record player standing next to the shelf. You look through the vast collection again, picking some at random and putting it back once you realize it’s not what you’re looking for. After going through a few, you finally stumble upon Elton John’ Madman Across The Water, holding it up to show it to Harry. “Oh, so we’re in one of those moods?”
You pull the vinyl from the sleeve, carefully placing it on the player and adjusting the needle over it. As the beginning note of Tiny Dancer float through the room, you look back at him. “What mood?”
“Like, a happy-sad kind of mood.”
You nod, setting yourself on the couch next to him. “That’s a nice way to put it.”
As the first few songs swim in the air around there’s a light chatter that settles between the two of you. Nothing out of your ordinary conversations, mainly consisting of you gushing over John Taylor as Harry rolls his eyes and sips on his drink to mask the drop of jealousy that grows on his chest -- “He’s not that good looking, you lot should have better standards” he said with a huff, making you giggle at his antics and pinch his cheeks. But it doesn’t take long, barely going halfway through the record, until the two of you begin to feel more lightheaded, eyes glossy and tongues getting looser. You should’ve expected that from the very first sip of the drink in your hand, knowing it wouldn’t take much more than a glass of it to get you right boozed up. And it doesn’t help that which each sip of it the sweetness of the pineapple takes over the strong taste of the alcohol, and in a matter of a few songs, you already feel your mind soaring away.
Harry is not much different, you realize, becoming quite a bit of a giggly drunk as he looks at you through half-lidded eyes and slurred words coming out of his mouth (which only makes him laugh more at himself). From what he told you, it hasn’t been the first time he and Mitch attempted on making the drink themselves. They tried it at a cramped bar right outside a Tears For Fears concert and it had gotten them so knackered so quickly they went back the next day to ask the barman (who also happened to be the owner) what was it in. Turns out it was just watermelon and vodka, but the man also explained that the technique he used that took about two weeks for the drink to be ready. From the man’s explanation, it seemed simple enough so they decided to try it for themselves, except they replaced the watermelon with pineapple.
“Just to add a bit of fun to it.” He shimmies his body.
“Is it like the original, though?”
“‘S close, but not quite his.” He hiccups. “I’m convinced he left out some of the details, the bastard, didn’t want to go around giving out the secret formula of it.”
You giggle, biting into the brim of your glass. “I’m curious to try it with watermelon, now that you’ve mentioned.”
“You have to, bunny!” His head falls back on the couch, dimples so deep you want to bite into them, his hand strokes lazily on your thigh, every now and then moving up to rub at the hem of your playsuit. “I’ll take you there sometime, we can get baked and crash into a concert at the music house that’s right in front of it.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
When the blue of the sky outside begins to fade into a golden glow, ribbons of pink and orange cutting through it, you’re already completely far gone. The record player is now only letting out a faint buzz from the lack of sound now that the LP is over. Your head is filled with clouds and you don’t register when Harry reaches back for the guitar, only really registering it once he’s stringing out a familiar melody. He stumbles with the lyrics but as soon as you recognize the beginning line of </i> Big Yellow Taxi you’re joining him, your voices tangling in a high pitch as you more of scream the lines than really bother to sing it. Harry gets completely lost in it, and you let him take over every so often just to watch him, mimicking Joni Mitchell's voice and even enacting her laugh, which makes you laugh until your belly hurts and your cheeks get flushed.
It’s one of those moments you want to get locked in, to live in it forever. Watching him stumbling the lyrics of different songs, the words tumbling out of his mouth between giggles, fingers stroking the cord of the guitar maybe a bit too harshly as you join him without a care in the world to who may be bothered by it. You feel so free with him, it’s a feeling that takes over your whole body, a warmth of knowing you don’t have to filter yourself or fit any type of expectation. And as he ends another cover with violent strokes on the guitar you laugh along with him for a moment before letting the room quiet down. Crossing your arms over the back of the couch and resting your cheek against it, you just look at him.
His bloodshot green meets yours, his chest rising as he catches his breath from the frantic songs, teeth sinking on his bottom lip as he smiles at you. “Gonna slow down a bit fo’ you.”
You raise your brows at him, smiling in anticipation as he begins to smooth his fingers through the cords much more gently than he had been previously. His head moves along to the beat as he gazes down at the instrument, a slight crease forming between his eyebrows in concentration. It’s a complete contrast from the playful demeanor that had taken over the room just minutes ago.
“Love of my life, you’ve hurt me.” He begins, and your ears instantly perk up as you identify the same song you’d heard him play months ago at the pub, the one that made you enter it to watch him for the first time. “You’ve broken my heart and now you leave me.”
It’s much different now, however, not just from the fact that he’s singing it on his own without the band backing him up. But it’s the meaning behind it, the rawness of his voice, low and slightly raspy, the words still come out a bit mumbled but you couldn’t care less about it, only focusing on the emotion he puts to them.
“Love of my life, can’t you see?” His eyes are still set on the guitar and you search for them almost desperately, shifting closer to him and cupping his cheek, guiding him to meet your gaze. “Bring it back, bring it back, don’t take it away from me.”
The swell in your heart is overwhelming to an extent, his glossy eyes looking into your with such sincerity it makes you want to jump on him, but you hold back as he keeps going, feeling nearly hypnotized by his voice.
“Because you don’t know, what it means to me.” He leans into your touch, turning to press a quick kiss on your palm as he keeps stroking the chords in a quiet melody. “Love of my life, don’t leave me.”
You can’t help but shake your head slightly as he sings the lyric almost like a plea. “You’ve stolen my love, and now desert me.” He looks back down at the guitar, letting your hand fall to his shoulder. “Love of my life, can’t you see?”
“Bring it back, bring it back, don’t take it away from me.” Peeking under his lashes, he grins up at you, and you can only imagine how you must look to him. Mouth slightly agape, barely blinking as you’re scared if you do this will all turn out to be nothing but a dream. His voice comes out next a bit lower, stretching out the words, “Because you don’t knoow.”
He strokes the chords a bit mindlessly now, playing with the sound of the melody, and he does it so effortlessly you almost hold your breath as not to miss it. “What it means to me.”
When he stops, you don’t really think before latching yourself on him, throwing one leg on each side of his thighs, and cupping his face before meeting his mouth with yours. He immediately wraps an arm around your back, his other hand taking the guitar off his lap and blindly placing it against the wall next to the couch. Once the instrument is no longer a barrier, he places his hands on your hips, pulling you closer. You can taste the memory of a pineapple still lingering on his tongue as you lick into his mouth. The kiss is hungry, maybe a bit sloppy thanks to the substance still very much present in your bloodstreams, but you don’t mind, only moving a hand to tangle on his hair, scratching at his scalp before pulling at his roots.
A whimper escapes from his mouth, getting lost inside your throat, his grip on your thighs tightens, nails digging in it and you know will leave crescent shapes on your skin. It only makes you do it again, this time his head tilting backward with a small groan, disconnecting your lips, but you’re soon to connect it again, splattering kisses along his jawline until it meets his neck. When you suck on his pulse point, running your tongue over it, his skin vibrates on your lips as he lets out a whine. His hands are now running all over your thighs before resting on top of your ass, bringing your hips to grind against his.
Even with your hazed mind, it’s still hard to miss the very prominent bulge under his jeans. It makes you pull back, looking down to see it straining against his zipper. There’s a flip of a switch inside of you when you realize how much he’s yearning for it, it’s the desire you’ve been pushing back for months now, crashing into you like a wave and you can barely contain a small mewl at the sight.
“Bunny.” He breathes out. When you look back to him, you notice his eyes have darkened considerably. “We don’t have to--”
“Please.” You let your forehead fall against his, rolling your hips again, stealing another whimper from him. “If you want to, I want to.”
“I do -- fuck, I do.” He nods as you keep grinding on him, his hand disappearing on your back pocket, trying to get as closer to you as possible.
When you meet his lips again, the kiss is somehow eager than before. The longing is evident as you grab onto each other. Your hands travel down his chest, nails digging softly on his exposed skin, and once you feel the fabric of his shirt, you’re quickly to undo the rest of the buttons, not disconnecting from him as you do so. Smoothing your hands back up to his shoulders, you help him shrug off the material, letting it fall to the couch without paying mind to it.
“Wait,” he sneaks between kisses, hands coming up to your waist you push you off gently.
You watch with your brows narrowed as he gets up from the couch, walking to his shelf and standing in front of it, looking for something. Leaning to your side, you let yourself admire the muscles of his back as his fingers run through the edges of the records. It’s impressive how even though his collection takes over the whole furniture, he still seems to know exactly where to look for it, focusing on a small section right at the top. He quickly finds what he’s looking for, pulling it with a ‘Aha!’ before turning back to you.
He holds up a very familiar black cover, the imprint of Queen’s Greatest Hits instantly calling your attention. Doing the same as you’d done earlier, he takes out the disk, placing it on the player before adjusting the needle over it. You watch it with a smile teasing on your lips, finding oddly endearing how he made you pull away from him with the sole purpose of putting on a soundtrack -- making notice to put on something you’d like, as well. He cranks up the volume as the first words of Bohemian Rhapsody start to swallow your thoughts, turning back to you and offering his hand with a cheeky grin painted on his face.
Taking his hold, you let him pull you up from the couch and, before you can really register it, he’s guiding you through the hallway. You stumble on your footing as he rushes a bit to fast for you to really wrap your head around it, the walls of the corridor passing by almost in a blur as it takes your mind a beat too long to catch up with your eyes. Still, your giggles dance along with his all the way to his door at the end of it, making you feel like a couple of teens sneaking out for the first time.
He doesn’t give you a single minute to take notice of his room -- not that you would at this moment, your arousal pooling at your underwear only enhancing the haziness of your mind. In just a speck of a second, he’s already pushing the door closed, your body being pressed against it not long after. His arms find their place on each side of your head, his lips searching hungrily for yours as your fingers find their home between the strands of his hair once more.
“Shit, need you so bad, baby.” he presses his hips against yours, mouth hot as he sucks in the skin of your jaw, all the way down your neck, finding a spot that makes you whine under his touch. “That’s it, darling, let me hear you again.”
“Harry,” you mewl as his teeth sink on your skin gently, his tongue swiping quickly over the spot before he trails back to your cheek. You melt under his touch when his hands find their way back on your body, one of them caressing the side of your breast softly, thumb poking out to rub the spot where you nipple pebbles under your layers of clothing. This brings out a desperate whimper from your throat, your head falling back on the door as you close your eyes, trying to savor every slight touch of his. “Please.”
“Look so fucking pretty in this piece, bunny.” The sound of his voice is right below your ear, his warm breath hitting your skin making the hairs on your neck rise. “Look gorgeous in anythin”” he turns his head to bite at your earlobe. “But I really need it gone right now.”
Your eyes snapback open when you feel him pull back from you, his hands finding the front buttons of your playsuit, fiddling them open so easily you barely register it. His lips are back on yours, this time slower, letting his desire be known at every brush of his tongue. Smoothing his hands on your shoulders, he helps you out of the sleeves of the top. As soon as your back is disconnected from the wooden door, you start moving forward before you can really think about it, pushing him back gently until the back of his knees hit the mattress and he’s sitting back on the bed.
There’s hardly a speck of green left on his darkened irises when he looks up at you, watching your every move as you shift the material down your body, letting it pool on your feet before you kick it to the side. Taking a slow step towards him, his hands holding onto your hips almost unconsciously, you reach back to find the hook of your bra, but he stops you before you can even quite grasp it. “Wait,” he pulls you closer, making you fall a bit awkwardly on his lap, your hands moving to grip on his shoulder for support. “Let me.”
You adjust your position on top of him, your knees resting next to his thighs, as he handily unhooks your bra, removing it quickly from your arms and tossing it to the side. A gasp escapes your mouth as he wastes no time before attaching his mouth to your breast, tongue circling on your nipple before sucking in. His hand tries to give the same attention to the other one, grasping onto it as his thumb caresses the pebbled nub.
The crescendo of the song comes muffled in the background and it’s as if it’s echoing inside your head while you mindlessly roll your hips against his. The motion makes the lining of his zipper rub deliciously against your clit under the thin fabric of your underwear, and it reminds you of his hardening length pressing on his jeans. It seems to remind him as well, as his mouth parts from your chest in a groan, his lips licking at the space between your breast, kissing all the way back to your neck, where he hides his face with a strangled moan when you grind down a bit harder.
“Can’t take the tease, baby.” He pants. “Need you right fucking now.”
You pull back from him, gazing down at the tent on his pants and bringing your hands to fiddle with his belt. It takes you a bit longer to manage to pull it out, as his eager lips attack your neck once again. At this point, you can only imagine the marks he’s made on your skin, knowing the reddened spots will soon come to a purple shade, but it’s the least of your worries as you pop the button of his jeans, opening up the zipper.
“Stand up just for a sec, darling.” He taps on your hip and you do as he asks, stepping back to plant your feet on the floor.
He shifts out of his pants, bringing his briefs along with it and you watch the way his cock all but jumps out of its restrains, slapping back on his stomach. The tip is a reddened shade darker, a trace of precum already oozing out of it, dripping down his length and making you rub your thighs for some sort of relief as you feel your mouth watering. You want to reach for it, grasp it as you feel it throb on your palm. You want to trace the prominent veins adorning it with your tongue and discover all the sounds he makes when he’s all but begging for you to wrap you mouth around it already. But more than anything, and what speaks louder to you at the moment, is how you want to feel it deep in your belly, rubbing against your walls until your legs shake.
“My eyes are up here, love.” You look up at him, a smug grin on his face as he draws you in by your hips.
“Can’t help it.” You watch his fingers play with the waistband of your cherry colored underwear, meeting his eyes as you let yourself mess with him a bit. “Just have such a beautiful cock.”
“Christ.” He groans, yanking your panties down your leg, making your arousal drip down your thighs. His lips immediately trace on your pubic bone, hands travelling to grip on your ass as his teeth sink into your skin slowly. “Didn’t know you were this filthy, bunny.”
You enlace your fingers on his strands, pushing his fringe away from his forehead as you mount him again. “Only for you.”
“All for me? What did I do to deserve you?” He smiles, pecking your lips and pulling your closer so you can feel his cock poking at your stomach. “Why don’t you lie down for me?”
You shake your head, pushing his shoulders back gently until his back hits the mattress. “You lie down.”
“Shit, baby, gonna sit on my cock?” He shifts back just slightly, watching you sit back on his thigh as you grab his length, giving it an experimental pump that makes his breath audibly hitch. “Fuck-- such a good girl, aren’t ya?”
You chew on your bottom lip, flickering your palm over the tip and collecting a bit of the precum before rubbing it once more. He lets out a strangled moan, head tilting back on the mattress, his curls splattered around him like a halo. Which is an ironical contrast to what you’re doing to him.
His voice comes out in a breathy, chest moving frantically as he peeks down at you when you give him another slow pump. “Please, darling, don’t torture me right now, need you so bad.”
If it were another occasion you wouldn’t listen to him, simply continuing your teasing as if he hadn’t said anything at all. But right now you can feel your wetness pooling where you sit on his thigh as you all but throb for him at the sight of his angry cock in your hand. It’s just as much torture to you as it is to him to keep this going any longer, so you just shift up, gabbing his base and rubbing it along your folds one, two, three times, before finally aligning it with your entrance.
His nails dig on your thighs in anticipation, his eyes watching with barely a blink as you slowly sink down. Your mouth hangs open but nothing except a choked gasp comes out of it. There’s a delicious burn that comes with him slowly spreading you open for him, and when you fully sit down your eyes are teary and can’t help but clench around him, earning a full moan in response.
“So fucking tight.” He pants, chest moving up as he takes a sharp inhale when you clench again. “So wet too, baby, drenching me.”
“Fuck, Harry.” You lean forward, hands lying on each side of his torso as you pull up the tiniest bit just to sink down again.
You want to start slow, gradually fastening your pace but you can’t seem to hold yourself back. As his hands grasp on your hips you start to bounce on him at a hard pace, your moans meshing together as well as the faint vocals blasting outside the closed door. Rolling your hips on his, he hits spot that makes you sit on your heels again as you throw your head back, crying out his name.
It’s hard to keep focus as you mind is blurry from the pleasure that takes over every cell of your body as well as the alcohol still running freely on your bloodstream. All you can focus on right now is Harry. It’s his hands gripping on your skin, helping you fasten your pace. It’s the sound of his voice pitching on a needy whimper, telling you how good you feel around him. It’s the sight of his face creased in pleasure when you look down at him, the veins staining his neck and his locks sticking to his damp forehead, cheeks rosy and lips plump. He’s the only thing in your mind as you chant his name under your breath like a quiet prayer.
“Is my cock that good, bunny?” He meets your thrusts with his hips, making you sob out a moan. His lips tug on a smirk, “Look at you helping you helping yourself out on my cock -- fuck, look like a proper dream.”
There’s a familiar tightness in your stomach, one that makes your toes curl and your rhythm falters. “I’m almost there, shit.”
“Won’t last much longer too, baby, feel too good.” He groans holding your hips in place when you stumble on your pace again, deciding to thrust upwards, your pelvis meeting in loud smacks. “Gonna cum for me? Gonna let me see you looking all pretty when you cum all over my cock?”
“Harry, please.” You’re not even sure what you’re asking for, your eyes closing as you roll back your head. A trifling cramp is starting to set on the back of your thighs but you barely pay any mind to it as the bliss takes over your whole body. You’re so close to your high you can almost reach it, just needing a small push.
“C’mon, baby.” Harry urges you, hand reaching where you’re connected to rub at your clit harshly.
And that’s all you needed, opening your eyes as a couple tears fall down your face when you feel your orgasm taking over you body, the white ceiling feeling far away like an imagine you watch on the television. You’re not exactly sure when Killer Queen started playing, but as the waves of euphoria hit your body, you can hear the guitar solo ringing in your ears, the crescendo of the song only enhancing the thrill of your high as you ride your orgasm along with it.
You practically collapse down on his chest, his hot skin sticking to your body. He’s still panting under you, warm breath hitting your neck as he holds onto your ass, his thrusts coming sloppier as he comes right after you. The sensitivity of your center makes you whine along with his strangled moans when he holds his hips to yours,burying himself in you as he paints your walls white.
For a moment you just stay like this, cheek resting on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat slowing down by the minute blending with the music coming from outside the closed door. His fingertips trace patterns on your bare arm that’s hugging his torso and keeping him close. You can feel your mind getting clearer, not just from the alcohol but from the high of your orgasm. And as the sound of the soft wind knocks against the window glass, you’re almost lulled to sleep just like this.
Harry shifts slightly, you feel his lips pressing on your head before he carefully moves to sit up, letting you fall back on the bed gently. “Mind if I have a smoke, bunny?”
You give him a lazy smile, shaking your head as you look up at him, reaching for his locks that poke wildly on his head. Leaning down, he gives you a quick peck before getting up. Turning to your side, you watch as he looks around the room, finding his briefs thrown by the end of the bed and quickly putting them back on. He grabs the pack of cigarettes along with his lighter and heads towards the window.
Opening up the window, allowing the evening breeze to slip through the crack and dance around the room, he pulls a chair leaning on the wall to sit directly by it. The chair is stacked with colored cushions on top of it - one yellow, one red, and one blue - he throws two of them thoughtlessly on the floor next to it, adjusting the remaining one on his back as he leans down to sit on it. The stool is low enough so he can relax his feet on it comfortably, fingers fiddling with the lighter for a second before rising it to meet the end of the cigarette resting between his lips. Freddie Mercury still sings loudly in the living room, the sound coming a bit muffled thanks to the closed door, but making it as background noise as you come quiet to admire his figure against the last creeks of sunlight hitting the side of his profile.
You chew on your lip at the scene, wishing you could record it somehow and play it every night before falling asleep. There’s something inherently erotic about having him smoke a cigar just on his underwear, humming along to the tune of the song, right after having you scream his name into his pillow.
The light streak of wind coming from the window breaks you out of your thoughts, making goosebumps rise on your skin as you come to the realization that you’re still sitting naked in his bed. It doesn’t take long for you to find your panties hanging from the edge of the mattress, picking them up to quickly slide them up your legs before you get up to search for your other articles of clothing. You can see the colorful pattern of your playsuit lying next to the closed door, but as you crouch to pick it up something else catches your attention in the pile of clothes thrown around mindlessly on top of a wooden chest
It’s the pink shirt. The same one he wore on the day you first saw him play.
A grin takes over your face as you pick it up, throwing it over your shoulders and sliding your hand on the sleeves. It has the faint scent of his cologne mixed with the lingering smell of cigarettes, something you’ve come to associate with him. You don’t bother to button up the material, letting it hug your body as you take a quick look at yourself in the full-body mirror leaning on the wall in front of you. You turn to him, his eyes still focused on the view outside, a thin coat of smoke leaving his lips and getting lost in the breeze, so you clear your throat as to get his attention.
He looks at you, eyes shamelessly scanning down your body and you’re afraid the cig will fall from his lips as they grow on a smug smirk.
“Look at you,” he lets his feet fall from the stool, fixing them on the floor as he motions for you to get close. You approach him without a second thought, climbing on his lap as his hands hold onto your hips. He takes another look at you, grasping the cigarette with his fingers and taking out of his lips. Reaching for your face, his thumb caresses the side of your eyelid gently. “Looking like a proper rockstar now, even got the smudged makeup.”
You giggle. “That’s more your fault than mine.”
“I guess it is.” He taps the butt of the cig on an ashtray prompted on the stool of the window, eyes still trained on you. “Should do it more often then, s’fucking hot.”
You smile at the connotation, picking at the hem of the shirt and gazing at him from under your lashes. “Guess I might be starting to like pink, that’s also your fault.”
“Look way too good in pink not to like it, bunny.”
“Stop that.” You hide your face on the crook of his shoulder.
“Telling the truth.” His free hand grips on your waist, pulling you closer as he tilts his head to kiss at your neck. “Looks good in everything.”
“Could tell you the same thing.” You pull back to look at him, teeth sinking on your bottom lip as you smooth your hands down his bare chest. “But I do prefer this fit on you, really brings out your eyes.”
“Naughty.”
You lean to connect your lips, hugging him close with your arms wrapped around his neck and enjoying the tender moment as you distribute kisses around his face just to hear him giggle. And when you bring your mouth to his again, you barely feel the softness of his lips before he all but jumps on his skin. You pull back, furrowing your brows, ready to question it but he beats you. “Forgot I got something for you.”
“For me?” You blink. “What is it?”
“Go sit on the bed while I fetch, will be just a minute.” He gives you a quick peck before you’re pulling away.
You do as he asks, sitting back on the bed, right next to the wrinkled spot where you lied just minutes ago. He walks across the room, opening the door where you came from and disappearing in the hallway. The record is still blasting through the apartment walls, sound coming louder now that there’s no barrier between you.
While he’s gone, you take a moment to look around his room, something you didn’t get a chance to do when you first came in tangled on his arms. It’s not much messier than the living room, really, only the small piles of clothes you’ve spotted earlier that give the illusion of an untidy room. There’s a light wooden dresser that sits next to the chest, and from where you sit you can see two candles standing alone on top of it, similar to the ones on the piano.
You swing your feet on the edge of the bed, letting them brush along a blue fluffy mat that hugs the floor underneath it. And as you run your hands on along his mattress, you notice the soft superficie, making you look down at a knitted blanket spreaded across the bed. It’s made of different colored squared stuck together in an oddly comforting pattern. You want to lie down on it, and let yourself be swallowed by the cozyness of the material against your skin, but before you can do so, Harry appears back in the room, closing the door behind him as he makes his way to you.
“This blanket is so nice.” You run your hands through it, smiling at him.
“Thanks, I knitted it.” The information makes your eyes bulge out, you open your mouth to inquire further but he’s already talking again. “This is-- uhm, I dunno, just something I thought you’d like it.”
The small box in his hand catches your attention as he hands it to you, his eyes looking down at it and even with just the moonlight illuminating the room you can see the blush on his cheeks. He props himself down on the spot next to you, watching your fingers turn the rectangular box around. It’s a cassette tape case, you quickly realize.
When you gaze at the back of it, there’s names of songs scribbled behind it. Not many, but a good collection of them, from Fleetwood Mac to The Bangles, and even Billy Joel. And it doesn’t take you long to find a pattern with the song chosen for the tape. Their all love songs. It makes your heart swell even more, if that’s even possible at this point.
“These are so cheesy,” you bite your lip, barely able to contain your smile.
He rolls his eyes. “They’re romantic, bunny.”
You keep examining the titles written neatly in his handwriting, raising your brows when you land on a specific one. “Every breath you take?” You tease, “That’s an interesting take on romance.”
“Shut up.” He giggles, eyes watching you carefully. “Do you like it?” His voice is adorably hesitant, it makes your heart stumble on a beat.
“I love it.” You say in just above a whisper, feeling the butterflies in your stomach get a little more vivid once your eyes land on the last song scribbled in the back of the tape. Somebody to Love. Brushing your thumb over the words softly, careful not to smudge the paint, you look up at him to find his green irises glistening at you. You shake your head almost in disbelief at the tenderness behind the gift. “Did you record this just for me?”
“Uhm yeah some of them I did but—” He looks down, focusing on his fingers as they pick a loose string from the blanket under his leg. “Some of them I just... Sang”
“You sang?” It takes you by surprise, how you thought there was no way he could make you feel warmer.
“Yeah… All of them, actually.” His dimples dig deep on his cheeks as he quickly peeks his eyes at you. “It’s just… The quality is shit when you record it from the radio and the dj keeps interrupting and stuff.” He shrugs, “Thought if I sang it could be more, personal? I guess.”
“I love it.” You repeat.
“You do?”
“I do.” You chew on your lip, watching his eyes glimmering on the dim light of the room. “Is there a reason for this sudden present?”
“Kind of I--” He clears his throat, fully glancing at you. There’s an expectation behind his eyes, you can tell from the way he takes a sharp inhale that he’s nervous. “Thought I make you-- ask you, actually, if you’d be mine?”
You can’t help but giggle at how adorable he looks, your eyes getting a bit glossy as you nod without a blink of a thought. “Of course I’m yours, Harry.”
“Yeah?” His smile grows. “As like, m’girlfriend?”
Throwing your arms around him, you press your lips against his cheek, careful not to drop the tape in your hand still. You pull back, tilting your head as giving him a fond smile. “As in your girlfriend, yes.”
#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles one shot#harry styles imagine#harry styles smut#harry styles fanfic#harry styles x reader#80s!harry#harry styles writing
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Ed, Edd n Eddy Series Bible (1996) -Analysis-
You can all finally read/download Ed, Edd n Eddy's official Series Bible right here! Thanks again to Chuckletons for sharing this with me and to Joey/Kongiscool0518 for sharing it in the first place, the Holy Grail of lost Ed, Edd n Eddy trivia!
One of the first posts I made for this blog was the Series Bible page. It was a composite of every source we had ever seen reference the series bible so far-- storyboarders in interviews, CN's old character guides, and the biggest source, an old CN UK posting about the show. Well, I figure now that we have the official source, I better update the old page (so everyone knows it's out of date), and make this new Series Bible post using the official source! Not much new information, but I was intrigued to finally learn the true phrasings of some things we had only heard paraphrased, as well as at least one detail from the movie that I couldn't believe came up this early in conception...
Unfortunately, Tumblr has apparently updated its post system to only let me add 10 images? Gonna try and only use images for what I need since you can read the actual document above, I guess I'll transcribe it too for easier reference and so we don't ever lose some archive of this.
Quickly, let's review what a series bible is:
A series bible is how creators pitch shows to networks. They can be called “pitch bibles” as well. Bibles do not usually get posted publicly, because they are initially under a strict Non-Disclosure Agreement by the network; also the creator may simply not wish to share it because it reflects the earliest stages of development.
The pitch materials typically include early concepts for characters, locations and episodes. Sometimes it exposes secrets, in this case, Ed and Eddy’s home lives, and sometimes the stuff in it is completely abandoned because it’s so early in production, in this case, casual references to school and adults.
Alright, everybody, it's time to gather 'round and read the Ed, Edd n Eddy Bible!
THE YEAR IS 1996.
YOUR NAME IS LINDA SIMENSKY. YOU WORK AT CARTOON NETWORK. A FRIEND OF YOURS, DANNY ANTONUCCI, IS WRAPPING UP A SHOW ON MTV. YOU GET THIS FAX.
Linda Simensky immediately fell in love with this concept because as a child, she was best friends with 2 other Lindas for seemingly no reason other than the shared name.
I love how Danny decided last second to pencil in the correct names over each Ed, since they're arranged out of title-order.
"They're friends because they have the same name."
-the Logline for the series.
Fun fact: one storyboard artist for the movie observed that the movie is essentially all about challenging the series' original notion that the Eds are friends ONLY because of their name.
"A Danny Antonucci Cartuna"
-the label Danny used to use under announcements of new productions.
PAGE 1:
Ed, Edd n Eddy
They're best friends because they have the same name.
A gag laden, beat generated CARTOON bumper car ride of 3 misfit youths on a cul-de-sac in the suburbs of America.
Through summer vacation, part-time jobs, or just hang'n out at the corner mail box, they want to belong....but CAN'T.
From home chores, helping neighbors or eating jaw breakers, they want to fit in...but CAN'T.
Ed is into "B" monster movies, model kits and is quick to break out into rashes.
Lots of luck...
Edd is into chemistry, biology and prone to crushes.
Later...
Eddy is into pranks, is stylish and flaunts himself to the world.
Ya Right...
Ed, Edd n Eddy is a show about confusion and contradiction, that awkward part of youth, pimples, big feet, oily hair and... girls???.
Puberty is unforgiving.
I was fascinated by the lack of art on this page, it makes the pitch feel very focused. AKA logo in the corner, the title logo again up top, then the logline appears again below.
I really love the breakdown of Danny's vision of the show. "Gag-laden, beat-generated, CARTOON bumper ride." Very accurate, and I think "beat-generated" is the phrase that interests me the most. I typically think of "animation beats" as sort of a give-in-- technically all things fit a rhythm, so all stories are essentially just a montage of beats. But this does make me realize how important the strength of the beats and their rhythm are to the pacing of a cartoon and making you feel like "that was a good one." I feel like the "seasonal rot" viewers feel over the course of a show, and the way that perception differs from person to person, depends on the type of beats you want. Even though I am very into the experimental beats of a show in its later seasons, I can definitely see how season 1's beats are more typically appealing to a wide-audience, and how important a focus on that is to the longevity of a show.
I found it really interesting how the scams are initially conceived of here as "summer jobs." It adds to the sense that adults were originally meant to be present. Honestly a little surprised nobody with access to this bible had ever thought to mention that-- scams are not referenced ANYWHERE. Their image in the Series Bible is that they have summer jobs and help neighbors, which is certainly a much cleaner reputation than the Eds ended up with in the show. Makes me realize though, were some of the early scams, like Ed's Hive Bee Gone and their newspaper routes, supposed to be leaning into this early idea of them with almost legit jobs for unseen adults?
I was very amused by the repeated phrase that the Eds simply CAN'T fit in.
Loved to finally see the official phrasing for the confirmation that Peach Creek is in America. Not much different than I was led to believe, but still nice to have the true quote.
Also love Eddy being described as "stylish and flaunting himself to the world." The bold-print reactions to each micro-description is a cute idea too, I truly wonder who we were meant to picture saying those things in reaction. Each Ed? Kevin?
The "corner mail box" is an oddly specific phrase-- the Eds do hang around mailboxes throughout the series, especially seasons 1-3, and I believe the canon map does have a corner mailbox, but the idea that the Eds hang out at one specific mailbox went the way of Bro's supposed secret treehouses.
PAGE 2:
Ed, Edd n Eddy
Show Description
Gag laden. True cartoon style, inventive, non parody, fast paced, stretch and squash
Beat driven. (even when characters stop they hold with a bounce cycle. Adults never bounce. Music can play important part, not just fill.) But not a musical.
Cartoon surrealism. (viewers see the show as Ed, Edd n Eddy would, less important things tend to blend into the background, while objects of Ed, Edd n Eddy's desires are focused. Premise driven.)
The school year's over, (yeah!!!!) and the long HOT summer vacation begins (gulp). What to do?
Stuck on a cul-de-sac in the suburbs of America is the last place you want to spend summer break, especially when you find life confusing and contradicting.
Ed, Edd n Eddy is about friendship, and serves to remind us that they're no "good ole days," just smelly runners.
You can tackle anything, when your with your pals.
Their days are spent, for knowledge, acceptance and some cash for jaw breakers. Armed with pimples, big feet and oily hair the three amigos trek into the unknown.
Ed, Edd n Eddy are dying to be grown-ups, but they're kids, and attack adulthood as only kids would. Simple situations turn into a manic rollercoaster ride. (Don't forget your barf bag).
They just want to belong, and they're willing to pull off any insane stunt to prove it. First they need to figure out what it is they want to belong to.
Found it interesting that on this page, the show's logo is replaced with the title written in a jumbled font. Seems like the font from the show's end credits.
Hehe, the continued reactions to the descriptions. Allow me to be Double D for a moment and point out the increased use of parentheticals on this page, as well as one wrong "your".
I love Danny's insight that season 1 is framed by the context of how hyped everyone still is just to be out of school, but also the sense of pressure to make use of their break.
I really appreciate Danny getting further into the details of his summary of the show's style on the previous page. It only makes sense that he had this much of a vision that early.
A second confirmation of the cul-de-sac being in America! I'm also really into the repeated focus on the Eds finding the world "contradicting." I always loved how EEnE's inexplicable cartoon antics supported that sense that the Eds are highly aware of contradictions in both societal things and the actual characters.
WOW, so I'm fascinated by this dual reveal. Before the wiggling outlines, which Danny usually calls a "boiling line" and describes as a tribute to wiggling inking in early animation, the series bible instead refers to him wanting the characters to do the iconic Fleischer "bounce," which is a much more commonly recognized rubberhose animation technique. Very interesting that Danny decided not to stick to that. Did it feel too out of place? Or was the overseas team not willing to animate a weight-shifting for every single held pose? Haha, guess I can see why boiling was an easier compromise. I wonder if he had any other ideas for how to make it more of a 1930s cartoon.
The other reveal to me here is that the movie's choice, that adults don't always wiggle in the show, was an idea from the very beginning! I guess I can better understand now why it's just too difficult to communicate a stylistic choice like that overseas-- no point making Bro not wiggle, that'd just create confusion.
Also, really disappointed that my wish for a musical is officially squashed in the series bible itself. That's a tragedy. The show's over, ya couldn't let me dream, Danny!? Conversely, I love Danny's forethought to say "non parody," I definitely noticed and appreciated EEnE's avoidance of derivative parody humor.
My spouse had to point out to me that Danny probably means sneakers here, lol. Canadianisms!
The comments about the Eds wanting to grow up but needing to figure out what they want to belong to are so great and relate to the movie so well. I've heard those comments before, but the correct phrasing was cool to see.
PAGE 3:
Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Ed in right corner)
Character Description
Ed
Attention deficiency syndrome.
He has trouble...
He can't....um...
OK, he draws all day in class.
When Eddy gets a bright idea...Ed's in.
Ed is easily talked into doing Eddy's "hard work". He has great physical strength.
Ed's happiest with his Model kits and B-monster movies. He draws his knowledge from his movies.
Ed smells. Flies are attracted to him.
Ed has sayings for all situations
ED: "you can change your shirt, and Bingo was his name..."
Ed's perpetually a slave to his younger sister's whims and whines.
Ed may have to baby-sit his sister, or let her watch whatever she wants on TV, or let her dress him up in mom's clothes.
Ed breaks out in Rashes. He's allergic to practically everything, especially Guinea Pigs.
Ed's Mom xerox's his sketches and doodles for her therapist.
Ed's Dad hopes to pass on to his son, his knowledge on "pre-owned" auto sales.
Very cute bit wasting the space at the top of the page. Danny seems very invested in Ed's personality already. The old sources we used to have definitely tried to condense these down to simpler blurbs.
Weird how Danny wants to essentially diagnose Ed with ADHD here (phrasing it very poorly, but it was the 90s and... Canada?). I don't know enough on the subject to debate it, but I still gotta point out Ed's canonical cracked skull!
Interested in the comment about Ed being most allergic to Guinea Pigs. I don't think that animal was ever even mentioned in the show. Eddy mentioned an old gerbil once....
Neat to finally have the real phrasing of the official word on Ed's parents! I saw someone comment earlier that this seems to be hinting Ed's Dad is selling stolen cars. I've never thought to question the legality of his apparent second-hand-car dealership (I imagined he works with Eddy's dad, who has received a legitimate award for his salesmanship), but those quotation marks are certainly making Mr. Ed's practices questionable! Best case scenario, Danny meant that more like italics or something, but maybe Ed's dad IS up to no good...
PAGES 4 & 5 (Ed's turn sheet and expression sheet)
PAGE 6:
Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Edd in right corner)
Character Description
Edd
is really smart.
is really quiet.
Edd is unnaturally-- polite.
Edd hasn't been allowed to take gym ever since the Dodge ball incident. He's been excused to free study time in the library.
Edd doesn't like it when people touch his things.
EDD: "You may enter in my room, but don't touch my Lego robot. Thank you."
Edd's learning to play Peddle steel guitar. (his Mom makes him)
Edd's prone to "crushes". Girls in School, in his neighborhood, TV, anatomy books. He mails "true loves" his socks.
Edd is always ready for action, even though he can calculate the implications.
Edd constantly mumbles.
No one ever sees Edd's parents. They both work nights. They communicate to their son solely through Post-it notes. Edd's not allowed to touch anything in the house while they're gone. Anything.
Interesting how Danny slightly differentiates the barely-used space at the top here from Ed's description, to characterize Edd as more quiet and mumbly, adding an awkward "--" mid-sentence, perhaps to create the impression that Edd halts to choose words carefully.
Everything on this page feels familiar, from the character guides and other old sources. The most interesting thing to me here is that Edd's Mom forcing him to practice Pedal Steel Guitar is established this early, don't think I knew that, but I had noticed that it existed in his room from ep 1.
I love how the explanation in the beginning for why Edd goes along with their dumb schemes even though he's smart is basically just "he's always ready for action." ?!? I guess in a way???
That weirdly phrased Edd quote amuses me because it references Lego, just like the original concept background for his room before somebody nixed the copyright-namedrop.
Edd's prone to crushes thing has been reaffirmed over and over in character bios even though it really doesn't come up outside of the cupid magic in HPH and the pilot-episode heart eyes at Sarah that are barely canon. Still, I've always loved the truly disturbing statement that he mails "his true loves his socks" and how that managed to make it into canon with a comic book example, a cel animation example and a digital era example.
PAGES 7 & 8 (Edd's turn sheet and expression sheet)
PAGE 9:
Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Eddy in right corner)
Character Description
Eddy
Exhibitionist.
Megalomaniac. (quote from his report card)
Eddy is the unofficial leader of the trio.
He's always got a plan, a stunt or a weird noise.
Eddy's the "class clown". He loves showing off. He loves being the centre of attention-- no matter how stupid the reason is.
Eddy is the only kid in his grade to have been expelled for aw hole week from school. It was his turn to set up the video for science class. He switched "Our Friend Yeast", for a video he "borrowed" from his parent's room.
Before Eddy's brother went....away, he enlightened Eddy with the "legends" of the neighbourhood. Eddy knows where all the abandoned tree houses are, which sewer pipers are safe to spelunk, and the secret recipe for the "El Mongo Stink Bomb" (it's been in the family for years).
He is the one who is most able to pretend that he knows it all... and doesn't care what anyone else thinks about him.
His genes are working the fastest.
Eddy's Dad is constantly concerned that Eddy may grow up to be a ...figure skater.
Eddy's Mom never believes his little darling was involved in such a heinous act.
Funny choice that Eddy's wasted-top-space is just two one-word descriptions, and allegedly lazily swiped from his negative report card.
Wow, we knew the report card quote and the "Our Friend Yeast" story from the UK show guide, but now we also know Ed's page says that Ed draws in class, and now I realize that Ed and Eddy have series bible school blurbs to match Edd's classic dodgeball incident blurb. Anyway, it's great that Eddy's showed his entire school some sort of sex video his parents have.
Very interested that the phrasing for the Bro/El Mongo Stink Bomb blurb even seems to suggest it's a family recipe. Eddy's Dad did have prankster stuff in his closet in JJJ... did Bro learn his prankster ways from Dad?? The neighborhood's secret tree houses have come up in other descriptions (at best, I'd say this could be related to that creepy shack the Eds found in the woods), but I think it's new info that Eddy personally learned the sewer routes from Bro. Interesting...
Thankfully, I had already heard about the Bible's awkward reference to Eddy being the most pubescent as "his genes are working the fastest," lmao.
Once again the Double D in me comes out to point out that the description of Eddy's Mom seems to switch to the Dad's pronouns.
PAGES 10 & 11 (Eddy's turn sheet and expression sheet)
PAGES 12-14 (Sarah, Jimmy, Rolf, Jonny, Nazz, and Kevin lineup of all 6, then 2 zoomed in lineups of the first 3 kids and last 3 kids)
(Funfact: the kids' designs were allegedly freelanced to an outside studio, hence why their refined later-season designs are so different from these lizardy starting places, lmao)
PAGE 15: (images of Sarah and Jimmy next to their blurbs)
SARAH
Ed's baby Sister.
It's her way or the Highway.
She has everything done for her, if NOT she'll "make" them do it.
She can be quick to judge.
Whinney.
A tatrum for every occasion.
More than a handful for Ed...or Edd and Eddy.
Thinks Edd is kinda cute.
Wants Eddy to MOVE...to another planet.
JIMMY
Sarah's best friend
He is always playing with girls, boys are just too tough.
He is accident prone, when ever we see him he has a different affliction, ie: band-aids, patches, casts, lumps...etc.
He is very clean.
The Ed's frighten him, "They're such brutes".
I'm surprised how much of the UK guide was accurate to what was really in the bible for them! Also surprised Danny misspelled "whiney" and "tantrum," one right after the other. Is this how Sarah spells them? ...Sorry, Danny, I yam what I yam.
PAGE 16: (images of Rolf and Jonny next to their blurbs)
ROLF
First generation of a landed immigrant family.
Nationality not important.
He's proud of his heritage.
He has peculiar traditions and/or customs.
He eats "weird" things.
He has hair on his back..... "yuck".
He confuses the Ed's to no end.
He confuses the other kids to no end.
JONNY 2x4
He is a wanderer and very inquisitive
From early morning to supper time, he is always outside playing, with his buddy, "Plank".
"Plank" is a wooden board that Jonny drew a face on with a crayon.
Jonny has wonderful conversations with Plank. ...Plank is a piece of wood.
Jonny makes himself very "accessible" to the Ed's.
Found it interesting that Rolf's bio is less clearly phrased than the UK bio set it up to be-- there they made it sound more like he mixes up who the Eds/kids are, here it's unclear whether it means that or (more likely) just means the obvious statement that everyone finds him confusing. If it's that, what a lame hollow bio Rolf got. This kid's based on you Danny, show some of that personal side!
Always loved Jonny's description, his life sounds so cute. Playing outside literally all day. Interesting to have it confirmed that Jonny drew Plank's face, I preferred to think the Eds drew him and sold him to Jonny, but whatever.
"Accessible" has always been an important vague description of Jonny to me. It really only applies to how chummy they could be with him in season 1, but it still sorta applies to his personality throughout the series as well.
PAGE 17: (images of Nazz and Kevin next to their blurbs)
NAZZ
She's cool, calm and assertive.
She is the most matured of the kids, or so she thinks.
She's into make-up and fashion magazines and Boys.
Sarah thinks she's awesome, wants to be just like her when she grows up.
When she enters a scene, all activity stops... boys freeze, they sweat, their hearts beat faster and faster. They lose their ability to talk. When she leaves, they recover and conclude it was something They ate.
She thinks the Ed's are funny.
KEVIN
He is cynical and sarcastic.
He thinks he knows the "routine". That's because he watches "60 Minutes".
It got a big laugh out of me that Kevin's description is only 2 sentences long. Nazz even has a more detailed character description from inception than Kevin. Love this for them.
Who's the Eds' rival? Well, he's cynical, sarcastic and he watches 60 Minutes, doesn't that tell you enough!?
I love the "mature... or so she thinks" remark about Nazz, a grounded flaw for her to have, being a little overcommitted to being mature like Eddy. It also perhaps suggests naiveté that makes it a little more reasonable that they didn't notice they were dumbing her down at the end of the series, but I do think the movie version of her better reflects the Bible's concept.
PAGE 18:
The Other Neighborhood Kids
Lineup of May, Lee and Marie.
The Kanker Sisters
These gals are tough. They bother, bully, provoke and bewilder everyone.
They live in a motor home park on the other side of the Cul-de-sac. The other kids have never been there.
They are proud of their Tammy Faye Baker memorabilia.
Their project "Cooking with Ketchup" closed down their school for a whole week.
No one likes them, especially the Eds.
They are determined to marry the Eds. They want them to do their dishes.
Amused that the Kankers are essentially being labeled backgrounds characters here, the role they mostly fell into in season 5. "Other" neighborhood kids...
I love that the Kankers have a school blurb to match each of the Eds', and that theirs has similar destructive-intentions to Eddy's video premiere story.
I believe all of this was all known from the UK guide as well, but still, neat stuff!
PAGES 19 & 20 (zoomed in Kanker lineup and their height chart with the Eds)
PAGES 21 & 22 (early promo art that used to be on CN's old Eds webpage, the art of the Eds eating jawbreakers at the end of ep 1 with the overhead text "Ed, Edd n Eddy love JAWBREAKERS!!!", and the art of the Eds all running with overhead text "Ed, Edd n Eddy see something shiny...."Jiggers." That weird "jiggers" statement at the end was normally edited out and I don't know what it means. Looked it up and it seems to be Chinook jargon (like when Ed said he was "skookum at X's and O's") usually said in the same sense as "CHEESE IT!")
PAGES 23+:
The rest of the pages in that bible download are from a 2004 storyboard test. The storyboard sample "It's Raining Eds," which we've seen some submitted samples of before, interpretations with Ed attempting to fly or chew gum and Edd making radioactive gum, I was surprised to find out the outline is just the original outline for the opening sequence to season 3's 'For Your Eds Only', seemingly Jonny was not written into the original outline (or was excised for easier testing purposes) but Kevin's brief cameo was. Now I wonder if they knew this would be used for a test when they wrote it, and if they would've come up with a less random way to include him if weren't forced to be a concise bit for testing's sake. (Your limit is typically 40 storyboard pages in my experience.)
I also noticed that in the included background references, the anonymous adult neighbor house next door to Ed's is officially just referred to as a "generic house."
My analysis ends here, but be sure to download that sometime and enjoy all the raw storyboard sketches at the end of the document!
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Re: you mentioning you vibe more with Kurt Cobain as you get older.
I totally get that. I don't know if I was ready for Nirvana when I was twelve- fourteen. I liked their music but I didn't fully get the vibe (I was a late bloomer spending probably 98% of my free time reading) and now I’m like damn, I wish I hadn’t been an actual child while Kurt was alive. Because goodness that cynical outlook fits pretty well on me too.
The memory that stands out the most to me when Kurt died (I was fourteen) was feeling this great loss, like I was in mourning for our generation because we’d lost someone special- even if I didn’t get all of the specifics at the time and just casually enjoyed In Bloom or Smells Like Teen Spirit on MTV.
Also, I’ll never forget speaking up at home, expressing how sad I felt about his passing, without really being able to express why, and my asshole stepfather (no longer in the picture) making some sort of remark about how he deserved it or he was glad or something along those lines. I heard the sentiment mentioned by more than one person at that time. It made me angry then and it still does to his day.
All that from a “good” evangelical, of course.
(I'm not bashing Christianity in general, I want to make that very clear. Just the particular type that refuses to see further than the ends of their noses)
Anyway, thanks for letting me dump my completely unsolicited emotions on you <3.
Man, your (ex)stepfather was an asshole! I'm so sorry he made things worse for you by subjecting you to heartlessness instead of sympathy. (As if his generation hadn't lost their share of culturally significant people far before their time... not to mention, oh, Jesus).
I was in the same boat as you. Too young to grasp the full genius of Nirvana at the time or to understand what it was that Kurt was doing with his music. I remember watching Woodstock 94 with my older brother through the static and garble of some semi-pirated version of HBO on our TV, but it wasn't until I started high school that I actually gave a shit about contemporary music. When I was 12 I was listening to old Motown, Doo-Wop, the Beach Boys, the Beatles, etc. Stuff more appropriate for my parent's generation than ours. lol. So I was a little late to the game, and too late to enjoy Kurt before the enjoyment was mingled with loss.
I remember the day he died, though... I remember my best friend getting on the bus that morning, dressed all in black, her face stained with tears, and maybe she got the full gravity of the situation or maybe it was in some ways performative grief, but I really didn't understand then like I do now as an old woman the tragedy of a 27-year-old man ending his life to escape the demons hounding him (or just how horrific those demons were). He seemed like a grown adult to me at the time he died. I know now he was still in many ways a child. So young. So fucking young. When you're a teen you think 27 is ancient... like it's time to pack it up and move to the retirement home. But in time, with wisdom, you come to realize that you've just begun living at 27. He had just started living when he chose to die. He'd just had a baby girl... just this little nugget of a girl, and he bailed on her. As a parent now, that makes my heart ache.
Kurt was the essence of a depressed person, you know? Brilliant, funny, playful, sarcastic, wry, gentle, creative, vulnerable, but completely overwhelmed by the soullessness and cruelty of the world around him, exhausted, saddled with chronic pain, pissed off, frustrated, desperately wanting to stop hurting the people he loved, desperately wanting to stop being hurt, and I just... did not understand at 12 what a life with depression would be like, how hard it was for him with the added burdens of addiction and the savage cruelty of fame and the press in the 90s (people quite rightly have taken the magnifying lens to how the press mistreated Britney Spears, but there are so many others out there, like Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse, who were literally picked to death by the media).
Don't you wonder what Kurt would be like as a 50 year old? Would he be an old curmudgeon the kids "Ok Boomered" all the time? Would his hard edges be worn away like driftwood? Would he have gotten softer, quieter? Would he be angrier? Would he still be laughing at all of us? Or would he be ripping his hair out (would he have any left?), tired of the ridiculous bullshit that's only gotten more ridiculous and more bullshitterific?
#long post#Kurt Cobain#tw: suicide#tw: addiction#tw: drug mention#none of this probably makes any sense whatsoever#thanks for letting me ruminate!
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I saw a few people share their first NIN music video stories and I thought I'd share mine. Growing up in the UK, we still had dedicated music video channels. MTV had a different channel for their reality and entertainment shows and separate channels for music genres. Growing up the big two other music video channels were Scuzz and Kerrang! Unless I've blocked them out, i never once saw any NIN video on there growing up until Kerrang did a Rock 100 voting show around Easter and ranked very low but on the list was the music video to The Hand That Feeds which I heard for the first time on Rock Band around that same time in 2007/8 when I was 9/10 years old? I then saw clips of videos on stuff like Beavis and Butthead and Weird Al's Al-TV video for The Alternative Polka which had clips of Closer.
Fast forward several years later and then there's me scouring various corners of the internet for the Broken Movie which for a while, I only could find a VHS quality version of the "cut" version with HMIAIH missing until i learned how to look the "seed0" way. I still have the censored version burnt onto a DVD somewhere in my loose discs collection. I wouldn't mind hiding it somewhere for someone to stumble upon to add to the mystique but i don't wish to be on my own Trent on "Hard Copy" style interview if a little kid found it or something. That wouldn't be fun
We didn't have cable or anything much during my childhood (and we weren't huge music video watchers then), so I hadn't seen a single NIN video until my 20s.
GOD, the idea of finding this DVD in a random place with bits of what seems like a snuff film, with no idea of what it is... Yeah, that *might* cause some panic, lol.
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EUROVISION 2021, personal favorites:
- Russia 🇷🇺
Manizha, Russian Woman: Absolute favorite. The sheer originality of the song! Her energy and the level of absolute badassery! She can sing, she can rap,and she's a bomb of energy. The way reggae and brass and hiphop and Slavic melodies overlap and it somehow works, the transitions between fun and "I'm bitter about the sexism and I'm mocking it unapologetically and making a stand" and the anthemic, emphatic and powerful message to Russian women; I was swelling with emotion while watching her. While to an American or a Westerner it may seem like performative feminism, I'm gonna remind you that in Russia and other Slavic countries that's very much not a thing and actually a very unpopular stand to make, and in Russia, The Balkans, and Eastern Europe in general, hundreds of women face domestic and sexual abuse on the daily, and those who do come forward rarely get support and are mostly dismissed. Let's not forget that Manizha got a huge backlash from the Russian government officials, and a big part of it was for her Tajik roots. The honesty of her message is real, and she's speaking from personal experience and the experience of women around her - nothing performative about her song, and you can tell from her delivery that the fire within her is true and she leaves her heart on the stage and pours it into the song. The staging and costumes are great as well, and symbolically well thougt-through. I would really like her to win, or at least get to the top 5. Most of all, I hope her message is heard and felt. 10000/10
- Italy 🇮🇹
Måneskin, Zitti e Buoni: definitely the closest thing to my actual music taste this year, so liking them off the bat wasn't a surprise. However, they're not just your regular Franz-Ferdinand-ish young alt rock band that wants to do rock "properly" - they have IT. The X factor, the Je ne sais quoi. I've been exposed to that particular genre, and I can confidently say that the song still manages to be refreshing and original (that bridge, those riffs!) The band has a great energy and no matter how much Damiano steals the show, they are still a unit and nobody is left in the shadows. They have the spirit of great rock bands of the previous century, and yet they don't try to copy anyone (khm,Greta Van Fleet, khm). Damiano's vocals are both powerful, seductive and provoking, and I'm still admiring the sheer amount of emotion he can pack into a single line and the nuance and yet rawness behind it. I'm not gonna state the obvious lol (the obvious being yes, I'm thirsty as well, he becomes yet another unattainable rockstar for me too,and yes they all look great) Anyway, great song, and maybe the clearest and most serious candidate for the number one spot, taking both the jury and the public into consideration. 10/10
- Iceland 🇮🇸
Daði Freyr and Gagnamagnið, 10 years:
What can I say about this masterpiece that hasn't already been said? A clear fan-favorite (hi, Valentina), but with the guns to back it up. The song is contagious, fun and campy, and unlike some other songs with said qualities, actually good from a musical perspective. Daði is incredibly charismatic and his sense of humor shines through, and even though he's the star of the show, the same can be said about the other band members. The synergy Måneskin has can be applied to Gagnamagnið as well, even though the energy is entirely different. They're serving us fun, sunshine, kitties rainbows sugar spice and everything nice, and manage to do it with zero cringe factor (plus those funky keytars). I'm one of those Eurovision fans that lament the golden age's (2004-2009) campiness (We'll never forget you, Verka), and Daði managed to bring it back, but modernised, polished and still sincere. I personally preferred the epic dad joke that slightly more commercial Think About Thing was (but that's one tough act to follow), but I'm always down for a husband adoring his wife and singing praises to their relationship. Since we're on tumblr, I feel obliged to use the term "cinnamon rolls" in describing Daði and the band. 9.5/10
- France 🇫🇷
Barbara Pravi, Voilà: She brought the theatrics, she brought the drama, and she brought the 101 in "that's how you perform". Her personality leaps through, and her voice is both beautiful and full of emotion and power. I'd hire her to star in a serious and artistic movie. Despite the fact that Voilà is from its melody to the singing style to the video to the vibe and the aesthetic hands down the most French thing I've seen since Amélie (do not come for that movie), it miraculously doesn't come across as a cliché, but rather an homage, and an individualistic one at that. It's not entirely my cup of tea, since I'm usually biased to songs that may come off as snobbish (I mean, the jury is going to lap it up), and are all about being proper and technical and oh how ~artistic~, but Barbara puts the soul into the immaculate. I'm not giving her the highest mark because I'm yet to see the performance, but I'm rooting for her. If she delivers the performance, we might have a clear winner. 9/10
- Ukraine 🇺🇦
Go_A, Shum: I'm a sucker for all things ethnic and mytological, so this was a no-brainer. I want that song played at every party. I want to go to the forest in the video and chant and summon the spring with flute and hard-bass. Kateryna Pavlenko has some unexplainable power over me, and her eyes are simply hypnotizing. The vocals are great, proper Slavic ethno right there (seriously, check out Slavic folklore and traditional music), and she has a subtle punk quality too(?). Ukraine came to save the spring and make us forget about the pandemic, and minus the Maruv fiasco (justice for her!), they always deliver and I expected nothing less. On the other hand, I loved the original version much more and couldn't help but be a bit disappointed with the revamp (yes, I know they had to), and while I personally love Shum, I think some other acts are more deserving of the higher placement. Go_A are not my winner, but definitely soon to be in my playlist. 8/10
- San Marino 🇸🇲
Adrenalina, Senhit ft. Flo Rida: You know that golden age of Eurovision I mentioned? THIS. I'm Serbian, so I can't resist a banger reminiscent of our horrible turbo-folk elements (and I say that endearingly,takes me back to 18th birthday parties (boy I'm glad that's over)). Let's just crown Senhit this year's Queen of Camp. The wild factor of Flo Rida...just?? Amazing. Can't wait to see how the performance goes (EDIT- it went great, I had a grin on my face the entire time and couldn't help but dance along). A certain refreshment after Serhat and Valentina Monetta endless loop. They didn't dial down the weird, but made it catchy af, and the vocal can rival any Balkan folk diva. While I think it's definitely the most entertaining entry this year, it's far from being the most original, and it's not really my genre of preference. Will vote for Senhit and root for her to qualify. 7.5/ 10
- Sweden 🇸🇪
Tusse, A million voices: As I mentioned before, I'm the first person that starts complaining about Sweden Superiority as soon as Eurovision season begins, and I'm with you all with being tired of Sweden qualifying just because they're Sweden and usually just bringing the same brand of MTV/Calvin Harris/American pop, or a successful and not-so-subtle imitation of the performances that did well the previous year,but listen: A million voices is a solid pop song and I'm going to die on that hill. It actually embodies the essence of pop - a catchy, pleasant melody sung by a good vocalist, with a short,sweet and uplifting message. It's not the same as previous years, it's not commercial, just good pop - good pop being something you immediately like and vibe to no matter how many common elements of the genre it checks. It relies on RnB rather than electronic sounds, auto tune or various DJ effects. Tusse is charming and charismatic af, and he's a 19yo kid doing an amazing job on a global stage. You don't have to like it, but there's no need to hate on it (ask Jendrik). Imo, Tusse deserved to qualify. Not winner material yet, but I wish him a fun time and a successful career. 7 5/10
- Switzerland 🇨🇭
G'jons Tears, Tout L'Univers: I saw the video first, and I HATED IT. It came across as a Duncan Lawrence-high-art wannabe, something technically perfect, but empty of soul or meaning, another soft boy with a sad falsetto, another jury-points bait. BUT. I changed my mind entirely after seeing him perform. Hands down, it was touching and epic. Reminding me of Hamlet aside, he DELIVERED, and made me love him, and actually enjoy the song. I still think the song is less original than Tusse's voices, but I enjoy the troubadour vibes of the pre-chours. G'jon is absolutely adorable, and I'm not gonna be mad if he wins. 8/10
shout-outs&honorable mentions:
- Serbia 🇷🇸 Yes, some national bias, but I'm proud of our girls. Ever Since we placed 2nd with Željko's Lane, we had that goddamn flute e v e r y year, and the same outdated scenography with a side of extra pathos (I'm sure that ruined Sanja's chances and her otherwise great performance back in 2016.) Finally something fun and actually representative of the music popular here. They looked flawless and the energy was off the charts. Go, Hurricane!
-Finland 🇫🇮 Yes, cheesy and corny and I cut my finger accidentally from watching the video on all the edge, but I'm biased because they're bringing emo and nu-metal back, and that's the music of my early adolescence (hello, Kaulitz brothers and Andy Biersack,hello Gerard Way and Linkin Park) Call me grandma lol
- Malta 🇲🇹 DESTINY CAN SIIIIIIIIING! I wasn't impressed with the song initially, but the performance blew my mind.
- Ireland 🇮🇪 A for effort, and so nice of her to try and give us something unique! While it wasn't good enough to qualify, it was super fun and she seems so nice. Also, we all know that she was out of breath an can sing much better than that. Still wasn't bad.
- Romania 🇷🇴, for being so young and brave enough to put on a show. The nerves got the better of her, but the song itself is good and no doubt she'll do well in the future
- Lithuania 🇱🇹, thanks for the memeries
- Croatia 🇭🇷, Not my cup of tea, but Albina gave a great performance
-Norway 🇳🇴, for embodying the spirit of Eurovision
- North Macedonia 🇲🇰, for the disco chest
- The UK 🇬🇧, for putting some effort
(Might edit later)
#eurovison#eurovision 2021#rotterdam#the netherlands#russia#malta#italy#france#iceland#sweden#serbia#esc 2021#switzerland#san marino#ukraine
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I was such a big fan of teen wolf back in the day but lost interest when Kira left. Did Scott end up with Malia? I just don’t think they could ever be a good match and it seems kinda forced. I also wish there was more poc representation on the whole show.
Yes, Malia and Scott are dating at the end of the series. When it happened, people were split about it (as with everything in this fandom lol) — some thought it made sense and that it was cute, some didn't like it at all.
At the time, I thought it was a little weird since 6A happens during the second semester of senior year... when Stiles and Malia were still together in the first semester. (They broke up at the end of 5A, so beginning of senior year.)
That's messy, but I also think it's understandable if you keep in mind this is a supernatural show and they had near-death experiences all the time for the past few years. That must change one's perspective on dating, and how quick those relationships evolve.
That said, I did love Scott and Kira together a lot. They were so cute, it held a sense of innocence when everything was bleak and dark. It was one of the better relationships on the show. Scira5ever babbyyy
With more POC rep, I assume you mean the main cast. I agree, but keep in mind this was a 2011 MTV show trying to profit off the Twilight zeitgeist which was, you guessed it, with a majority white cast.
A few side characters were POC though. Deacon, Mason, Tracy, Valerie, Braeden, Noshiko, Ken, Ms. Morrell, ... who were consequential to the plot!
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P!ATD in summer 2007
THE MAIN POST
Some stores still had a release date of late summer 2007 for P!ATD’s second album. Even at the start of July, HMV had the 8/20 release date posted:
Then MTV reported towards the start of July that a spokesperson for P!ATD confirmed that the second album would not be released in 2007 (this news happened before Summerfest). MuchMusic shared the same news a few days later and said that the band was still working on writing songs. The second album was expected in January or early February 2008 at this point.
SUMMERFEST
here’s a tag for the event.
here’s a playlist
the event was on July 7th in Milwaukee and the venue seated around 23,000 people.
Eric Ronick wasn’t at shows in 2007, so Brendon did the piano parts. Bden’s solo piano cover of Round Here was still amazing.
A lot of fan commentary from Summerfest revolved around what the guys were doing offstage and on the side of the stage while other bands played. Most of it wasn’t very important: the 3 girlfriends were there, Jon apparently seemed annoyed with Brendon’s general existence, Ryan was drinking a beer while watching TAI, and Brendon mostly hung out with Zack or by himself. Brendon also came out to sing with The Hush Sound.
Brendon & Ryan left each other alone, so there were no Ryden moments for people to share. But Jon wore flip flops onstage so that was fun too?
P!ATD played Summerfest instead of Live Earth but here’s a FOB moment there that mentions them.
Brendon’s voice was pretty rough throughout this show... it definitely wasn’t one of his best performances.
One fan spent a LOT of time making some stuffed cats to give each guy at the meet & greet. Ryan thanked her and said he’d give it to his dog lol. The poor girl. That still makes me laugh though.
Brendon was still wearing his white shirt and black tie. One review of Summerfest said: “Frontman Brendon Urie's New Wave skinny tie and white dress shirt were sartorial emblems of Panic's tendency to smash together old stuff in a frenzy that makes it seem new to those who haven't heard any of it before.” Because Brendon was clearly trying to make a statement when he grew up dressing like that in the Mormon church too.
The most notable part of the show was obviously when the band decided to play a completely new song from the material they’d been working on at the cabin that spring. Ryan had mentioned in recent interviews that they would probably play new material, but that they still had to figure it out because “there are a lot of things that we've demo-ed but there's stuff that's missing from the songs that we wouldn't be able to play live right now.”
The band played a song that fans ended up calling “True Love” or “It’s True Love” (here are some videos). A fan who saw the setlist said that it had been listed as “NYC,” but I think the general consensus was that this wasn’t particularly exciting because it could easily just stand for “not yet confirmed.” Anyways, I thought Brendon’s voice wasn’t having a good day at Summerfest in general... I wish we could hear a recording of It’s True Love from another day too. I genuinely loved the song, so its reception still makes me a little sad. It felt like the majority of fans completely hated it and were absolutely brutal. There were seriously thousands of comments online tearing the band apart. Even fans who were at Summerfest said the crowd didn’t seem too impressed with the new song.
Yes, the song was a repetitive fairy tale cliche... but who knows where it fit into the album’s storyline or what the tone actually was! Brendon said that a lot of the cabin album was satirical. This song was being judged like it was a serious single that was meant to stand on its own, though. A decent amount of fans got really upset that Keltie had ruined Ryan and made him want to write stupid love songs that sounded like a middle schooler (even though Keltie confirmed to fans that the song was not about her). A few other people were saying that this garbage was proof that Brent was clearly the mastermind behind AFYCSO lol. Basically, a huge amount of people were hating on the lyrics (but some people still seemed to love the melody, Brendon’s vocals, or other small parts).
The band absolutely saw what so many people were saying online. There’s no way they could’ve missed that even if they didn’t lurk (which Jon did). Right after Summerfest they decided to scrap the cabin album and completely start over. The album’s release date had been pushed back before Summerfest, though, so it sounded like the band was maybe already uncertain about their new material before the overly negative response.
THE CABIN ALBUM GETS SCRAPPED
In a nutshell: the cabin album had become too complex and the band wasn’t really having fun with it, so they scrapped the songs after Summerfest and started over. They later talked about how they’d decided to stop overthinking the songwriting process, go on inspiration, and keep it simple.
Jon said the process of starting over was “actually quite liberating.” Ryan said it became easier to move forward after the band decided to abandon the cabin album. He also seemed relieved about the change in direction. He talked about how he’d been writing the lyrics alone that spring, but now the whole band was contributing to the process.
The main thing that matters here in terms of events is that they had left LA, moved back to Vegas, and were now in a practice space in the same building where they wrote AFYCSO. (I’m not entirely certain when the band left LA, but Ryan said around the start of August that they’d left LA & returned to Vegas “a month ago.”)
Some fans had fun suggesting titles for the scrapped album later that fall... here are some favorites I saved:
I Write Songs Not Albums
There’s A Good Reason The Release Date Got Moved Honey
Whoops We Didn’t Do It Again
Better Than Brent
Lying Is The Best We Can Do Because We're Afraid To Come Out
But It’s Better If You Do Release an Album
The Only Difference Between Starting Over and A Sophomore Slump Is Press Coverage
We heard some basic news about the scrapped album by early August, but it became bigger news that fall.
A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE REPORTING
The fact that there was so little to report about the band in 2007 really showed which news sources were more reliable… and where most writers got their info from haha. There were a lot of variations on the story about how P!ATD was writing in a cabin and then scrapped that album.
Basically, MTV wrote a few articles after actually talking to the band and then Kerrang, NME, Rolling Stone, and a bunch of other sources all paraphrased those articles and recycled the quotes for several months. Here’s MTV’s article from early August. (I’m not saying MTV was always accurate btw... but that specific article had good info because it was mostly direct quotes from the band instead of James Montgomery’s explanations). Then this clipping below was from Kerrang in late August... notice how the quote that MTV had attributed to Jon accidentally got switched to Ryan:
And this article from NME was a total fail on every level lol. They copied the info from the MTV article, but somehow managed to mess up almost everything… they said that the band had debuted It’s True Love at Virgin Fest (it was Summerfest a month earlier). Then they attributed Jon’s quote to Ryan, missed the part where Ryan said they wouldn’t be using It’s True Love on the next album, and skipped the news that the band was starting over... so that meant some other writers assumed that all of the newer info in August should be lumped onto whatever they already knew about the cabin album. That’s why you’d see some confused journalists in October/November who suddenly thought the new album was getting scrapped.
Other sites like Buzznet just cited whatever NME had written and this turned into a bad game of telephone where all of the info sounded relatively similar, but still had big errors that could be confusing if someone only read a couple articles without following the evolution of how the news had spread. Other mistakes weren’t too important, but they were still entertaining… like NME said in a different article that the band “wrote their first batch of songs in an isolated cabin deep in the Nevada desert.” Another story made it sound like the guys needed to hike a snowy mountain to reach their remote hut lol.
Oh, and NME waited until October to post an article that the band had scrapped their album, so at that point some fans panicked that it had happened all over again. I think NME might have only said that because Rolling Stone got really confused that month.
At the end of the year MTV said that the failed second album "has been about as well-documented as it has been confusing.” And we were like no –– none of this was confusing unless you’re a reporter who’s trying to write a quick article without paying attention… y’all just confused yourselves.
OTHER STUFF FROM THIS SUMMER
here’s a picture tag (that category is mostly stuff from June – August outside of the shows, but I put August in Europe in this tag).
It sounded like Jon was living with Ryan, so the band would often get together at Ryan’s place to work on songs.
there’s more in this post about the “Ryho” stuff and how part of the fandom was treating Ryan
A group of fans started this rumor and it was actually picked up by legit news sites haha.
Some pockets of the internet sounded like they were anticipating a sophomore slump since most fans hated It’s True Love and the band was changing their direction this far into the writing process. MTV put the band on their “anti-buzz” list and said “why will [the next album] suck? Jeez, why won’t it?” with nothing substantial to back up that claim. MTV seemed like they wrote whatever they thought people wanted to read... if they sensed that the public opinion might be going downhill, they’d distance themselves from any former enthusiasm and hedge their bets (which is what they started doing to Ryan in summer 2009).
2+ years between albums is a big chunk of time when you’re in middle school, so a lot of the previously intense fans found new interests and drifted away from the fandom this year.
P!ATD’s German site was updated with the news about the postponed album. It said “Neues Album in Sicht Ja, Sommer ist nichts geworden - Aber macht nix. Das neue Panic! At the Disco Album ist für Frühjahr 2008 geplant.” The part that made me laugh roughly translates to “Yes, summer didn't happen - but it does not matter.”
I think my 18-year-old self would be very disappointed if I didn’t include a note here about how Ryan & Spencer were really really ridiculously good-looking in August 2007. In hindsight, I also think Ryan’s style peaked that month. I mean, his style was obvs great other times too... but August 2007 was like perfect. I did not understand why so many fans were hating on that look at the time.
FOB was still working IWSNT into some of their shows. Pete also used lyrics from Nine in the Afternoon in August… “eyes the size of the moon” was a blog post title and something about nine in the afternoon was a buzznet picture caption. (update: this does not mean that P!ATD copied the lyrics from Pete lol. it means that Pete would subtly hype new material his bands were working on). We heard that song for the first time on August 5th... I moved everything about the August shows into this post.
there were fan rumors that Keltie & Ryan broke up and that they were getting married soon. some fans were reallllly invested in their relationship.
Zack put some videos on his youtube channel this summer. Those ended up getting deleted, but luckily other fans uploaded them. Here’s the one with Spencer + the tray (which was filmed in late 2006) and then Spencer + ice (from March 2007 in Atlanta).
there were SO many fan projects for the guys omg. I know I mentioned this in the spring post, but I just really need to emphasize how ridiculous it got (especially once Projects! at the Disco got rolling). There was even a project where fans would mail a lot of flip flops to Jon... idk what he was supposed to do with all of those. There was also a project to submit pictures of your feet in flip flops for Jon’s birthday. Ryan got things like a mix cd, a montage of video greetings, a collection of pictures of fans wearing Ryan-style makeup, yet another scrapbook, a list of fan messages, etc. Spencer got the sneakers, fan-decorated drumsticks, a binder of letters, and some other stuff. People were still fighting to be in control over the various projects lol. Here’s one account who did birthday videos that are still up.
Wikipedia was being edited by people who definitely hadn’t been around during the Fever era, and who didn’t really have a good grasp on basic info about the band. Wikipedia even said that Jon had replaced Brent before the European tour in spring 2006 ha.
The flood of silly fan edits on Wikipedia that had been going on in early spring 2007 had decreased by this point, but this description was on P!ATD’s Wikipedia page for a decent stretch of time this season: “It is rumored that their sophmoric concept album is a semi-autobigraphical tale about a group of young kids training to join the circus (ala Disney's Totally Circus) and their journey from their small town Neveada homes into drugs, homosexuality, and eventual superstardom. The concluding track "The ringmaster becomes the student as they make him deserve " ends the album in an epic manner as the final practice before their concluding show turns into a drug induced all male orgy. The line "I pulled out and blew on the God damn floor" is repeated as a thunderous collection of drums and piano bring the track and story to its climactic conclusion.”
this was the best thing to come out of July (skip to 5:09):
youtube
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Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? It’s apparently a fruit, but I’ll always think of it as a vegetable. What is the best gift anyone has ever gotten for you? All of ‘em. Do you look anything like you did 3 years ago? I’m thinner now and my hair is super short. Have you done something dramatic to your looks in the past year? I cut my hair super short. Make up or no make up? I don’t bother with it anymore.
What's your favorite thing to watch on the TV? I have a lot of favorite shows. What are you listening to? I’m currently watching The Middle. What's a random fact about your best friend? She loves the ID channel. What's the weather like outside? It’s currently 66F. Do you upload videos to youtube? No. Do you own any albums by Michael Jackson? I don’t own any albums. What time do you start school / work? I’m done with school and I don’t have a job.
Do you like your phone on silent or vibrate? Neither, I keep the volume on. How do you fill an awkward silence? I’m the worst about that. Do you listen to music everyday? Not anymore. I hardly ever listen to music anymore; it’s weird. Do you like Beavis and Butthead? I actually watched it when they briefly brought it back in 2011 on MTV. It’s so stupid lol. What do you believe happens after we die? I believe in heaven and hell. Does the concept of eternity scare you? Not if I’m in heaven. Are you happy that you were born and raised where you were? My hometown isn’t the best. Are your parents still together? Yes. Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now? Not that I know of. What did you do for the new year? I watched the NYE stuff on TV with my family. Have you ever wanted to travel the world? I’d love to. Is there a band you like but don't like the people in it? No. What tabs do you have open right now? Two Tumblr tabs (one is my “likes”), Pinterest, Facebook, Bzoink, and Google. Who was the last person to write on your wall on Facebook? People wishing me happy birthday. What have you done today? I’ve only been up for like 30 minutes, so not a whole lot. I’m going to get ready to go out to breakfast soon with my brother, though. Are you in love? No. Have you ever seen a tornado in person? No. Do you like coats with fluffy hoods? That would get way too hot for me.
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creator tag game🤍
the loviest @chrysopon tagged me to do this! Thanks love 🤍🥺 you’re so talented
RULES: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work.
In no particular order, here they are!
the heartbreak weather tracklist 🤍 I just love her a lot and i still can’t believe I made that. like, idk how I did it but i did it. If it wasn’t such a long post I would pin it to my blog
I made a lot of cancelled world tour posters this year but my favourite has to be definitely the hbw world tour poster 🤍 I love the colors and the art nouveau aesthetic! I wish I could draw in digital, I would’ve made a drawing of Niall, Alfons Mucha kinda style, but I still think she’s awesome. Fuck I might pin her to my blog lol
And talking about posters, the mtv unplugged louis concert has her own special place bc I remember the stress in people’s tags asking if it was real djdhsjdh and people having to point out it’s a manip jdhdjdh guys ilysm y’all made me feel so cool that day
Moving on to fics, dude I can’t believe I write fics skjdjdjdjd here’s the very first fic I wrote entirely from start to end and posted! In a shooting star is so special, although now that I look back at it, it needs so much changes and fixes and it could be way longer, but she was the first one, and i would like to say it’s pretty good to be my first 😔
And lastly, my very first ziall fic 🤍 my love, my baby, she’s just so akjdkshdjd i was so nervous to post this but the love I got from everyone made me feel so happy and proud of her 🤍
I know for a fact when I do this next year, the first Star Wars fic from the trilogy is gonna be on this list! But for now it’s a work in progress, and I’m enjoying writing it so so so much 🤍
I’m tagging @dearniall @tomlinsno @home-compass @quelsentiment @heyangels @harrystinysantashorts @ramonapest 🤍
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Love & Order.
08_01_2021
I am bothered that I keep having dreams about this person. I am confused why my mind is going in reverse. Why my mind creates these visuals of us happy and being together when that could never be. Perhaps it’s the illusion of the mind. Perhaps my dream is the reality of false hopes. It’s strange and I need it to stop. There are moments that I do miss, I can be honest about but I feel as those the rush of disappointments erased all of that.
I do embrace the dreams because they are true feelings that I had. I really loved and cared about her deeply. It is extremely hard to make me fall in love. I don’t rush into using the word love either. I have to feel it on a spiritual level before it leaves my mouth. I am at most disappointed with myself though. I reflect a lot and think, girl, you were blinded because you left a lot of people behind for things they did to you and you couldn’t see any of this coming. But relationships are complicated as usual. The last time we had a disagreement, was when she was doing my hair. And I remember I just got over it quick and asked for a kiss. And that was the end of it. There are positive reasons why I stayed although it felt toxic as hell. I had experienced things I didn’t experience in my past relationships. I legit slept on the couch, floor after an argument from my past. I legit couldn’t get a hug or kiss. It was bad and so part of me was getting something different and I stayed. There were positive moments.
After the court proceedings, I reflected on what was said. She said she bit me to get me to leave. But I was bit outside of your residence and it wasn’t a nibble, it was cuts in my arms and a nasty bruise that looked gross overtime. That statement made me sick to my stomach. It just reminded me of victims in domestic violence situations get blamed for them being harmed. She admitted to it, but still didn’t apologize. It was disgusting. This is why I will speak on what happened to me to the masses. Because there are so many victims who live in silence, because of how conditioned they have become from their partners. Like when she told me her friend slit her wrist and wrote I love you all over the girlfriend walls because they were breaking up. What excuse is that? What if your friend killed her girlfriend, you are going to blame the dead? She shouldn’t have broken up with someone crazy, then she’d be alive. This is truthfully sick. It makes sense why your friends are your friends and why as a flock of pigeons, neither one of you really held each other accountable. Her and her friends find excuses to one’s actions and blames the victims. That’s honestly scary. I am lowkey scared for my life now. I mean wow. And then the person who paid you to mail drugs or what have you told you the police was coming and to not come home. I should report his ass. LOL. He part of the problem too. You have a whole ring device to avoid the police from your recreational activities. Oh boy.
I am at peace though. I feel refreshed after everything that has happened. I wish I could date someone else, but I am stuck, well my soul is stuck on the person who betrayed me. I am patiently waiting for everything to resolve itself, so that I can move on and be with someone else. I feel like the timing and the universe will work itself out. I honestly love the Buffins. The way they built their foundation and their relationship is goals. They both have great work ethics and indulge in each other. I know where they are with each other took a lot of time, but when you know that person is your forever I am going to have to assume something silently dings. I thought she was my person too, but somehow I was wrong. Still upset with myself about that. I even thought, what if all this blows over and we reunite but then I think to myself, she told a federal employee that I stole her identity. I just can’t forgive that. That’s really dangerous to lie like that. You walking around Los Angeles telling lies like that. I work for the government how gross can you get. You could make up any lie on me but that is too far. Even the lawyer was shocked and was like, you work with so many people, why would you choose her. Especially when they ask if she has a job or monies. They trying to understand the motive here. Like that is disgusting. That’s part of my story too. Like I said, someone else is for me. A soulmate. A lifetime partner. I just have to be patient enough. I want to move in with my partner and travel together. I want to propose the whole nine.
So before everything hit the fan, I had this plan to ask her to be my gf. The only person that knew of this was my bff Nay. I had told her to ask her what kind of ring she likes and all these questions. I started taking her out on random dates just to see how things could go. I had bought a ring, lordt nobody knows, because they’d all kill me. Lol. But I did. You can even check my bookmarks. Even when I was planning Big Sur, it was all part of the plot. I remember trying to figure out how to get her out of the resort room to set this all up. I even reached out to a planner. I am very romantic when it comes to showing my partner love. I don’t believe in showing it upfront all the time, because its cliche. I even had the idea of at my house. It was a thing. And this was being planned since December. I think my bff did ask silver or gold and my bff said silver. It was bound to happen regardless of us being on bad terms, because I never give up on what I truly feel. But parts of me is glad I saw those tweets. Because I would have been a dumbass bish looking real stupid. I mean I still looked stupid because I was loyal and not being flirtatious to others. I am still upset at my damn self to be honest.
I wake up everyday feeling great, because I can replan it for someone else. I can fall in love with someone else. I can spoil someone else who will truly love and care about me. Who is secure within themselves and open. That is what keeps me going. Even though I felt broken after April 30th, I told my therapist no one will ever want me. And I cried for a week. I look back and think damn I survived that. Someone will accept me as damage goods and understand my past. I do believe it will happen soon. It’s difficult being that covid has made its rounds again. But I took time from work to refocus on a few things. My room is almost done. Its going to be like a spiritual room when you walk in. You can meditate, write on the board of things you want to let go of and then it’s just that. I my friends to feel at peace when they come in. I know it seems strange but that’s how I want my condo to be as well. Like a zen vibe. I am just waiting for more stuff to be delivered. I am excited about that. I have not have the urge to hop back on any dating sites. I do feel different about myself. I have never had trust issues at all. And now I do. I am definitely scared to get to know someone or allow them to know me. It’s not a good feelings at all. But I do want to be with someone by 2022. I want to share a life with someone. There is no rush but I for one don’t want to be past 35, still can’t be in a relationship.
Parts of me is sad though too. Because we would look at million dollar homes and in my head, I knew how simple it would to get it. But like spiritual z said, you can’t protect her anymore and I have to move on and get out of this cycle. But I do want to settle down by 2022. I want to get this townhouse or condo and then a Tesla. And then whomever is interested can have the choice as we get serious to move in with me or we get a place together. All about communication and commitment and I am ready for that. But also, I have to close this chapter. Which means after telling my story to the blogs, the groups etc. and I am fully healed, I know the universe will be ready to send me someone by the end of the year. I am honestly excited, because I am definitely going to take my future bae on a vacation by the 5th date. I am not playing this time. I have the means to do it, so why not. I saved up enough for anything I desire at this point. Plus thank you MTV and VH1. Thank you for all the bookings honestly.
To end this blog, I will post the responses I received after the domestic violence occurred. I posted this anonymously to avoid being flooded in my inbox. But it made me feel better about the situation, especially when you are torn.
Until next time...
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