#i wish someone told me this job doesn't pay much lol

[oshinsimblr]

new place, next step a nice little house. but for now, this is affordable. i wish someone told me you don't make much in the beginning of the scientist career 😅

[chloecherrysip]

As much as I mourn all the lines that appeared in mario movie trailers but for some reason, didn't make it to the finished product (RIP "I'm not afraid! I'd do anything for my brother!" YOU LIVE ON IN MY HEART ALWAYS AND FOREVER), I've been thinking about "I hope you told your brother how much you love him, because you're probably never gonna see him again" and the rest of that whole dialogue exchange in particular from this specific trailer and how much I wish we'd gotten that moment because I think it would have helped spotlight a vital aspect of Mario's character that the movie already does a REALLY good job with getting across in the first place: the way he communicates how he feels through action and acts of service instead of words!

(more under the cut because this got too long, haha)

Mario is usually a very quiet protagonist so this tracks with the games too, obviously, but even movie!Mario seems like someone who isn't overly verbose or who's especially eager to enter into heavy, feelings-based conversations (at least not without a struggle). Talking about his feelings might not come easy to him, and he maybe even forgets to say things outloud that to him, seem obvious. (Meanwhile, I think Luigi is always up for gushing about his favorite people (see the interrogation scene lol) and probably ends every phone call/text message exchange ever with "love you!" to Mario and his parents, to the point that he might accidentally say it to acquaintances and customers too on occasion, LOL).

So thinking about this exchange with Toad and how, even if the movie didn't acknowledge it past that point, this idea would be hanging over Mario throughout his journey hits harder because you can imagine him thinking: hey, when WAS the last time he told Luigi outright that he loved him that wasn't a distracted "yeah, me too" response to Luigi saying it first? Maybe it's been a long time. Too long. So long it's genuinely upsetting for him to realize! What if his brother doesn't actually know how much Mario loves him, because he does, he does so much, and he's been an idiot for going so long without saying the actual words and now he can't, he CAN'T and he would give anything in the world to go back and do things differently!

And of course, all this panic is totally unwarranted and even silly because I think Luigi knows like his own name how much Mario loves him. Because the audience watching this movie knows how much Mario loves his brother by that point! Mario never says the actual words - in fact, he never says anything particularly positive about Luigi, other than "you were great!" regarding the commercial in the very beginning - and yet it couldn't be any clearer!!! I think it's pretty impossible to come out of this movie (if you were paying attention in the least) not seeing that love plain as day in everything Mario does, down to the littlest things, because he is a man of action and that's how he expresses himself best!

You see it in how he shifts from mildly embarrassed to immediately Intense and Ready To Throw Down on a dime when Spike insults Luigi, you see it in how he pauses to open doors and create paths for Luigi to safely follow him through the construction site as he's parkouring, you see it when the dog becomes aggressive and Mario is just entirely focused on keeping Luigi behind him, pushing him out of harm's way, getting the dog's attention so it will attack him instead, etc. You see it in the warp pipe when his entire demeanor changes the second he realizes Luigi is in trouble, how he desperately paddles to reach him and grab his hand and comfort him about the situation. You see it in how his brother is front of mind for him at every point in his adventure and that's why he fights so hard to talk to Peach, why he agrees to the fight with DK, why he keeps trying even when things seem hopeless and no one believes he can do it. You see it written all over Mario's face during the reunion, every single little way he touches Luigi and brings him closer and checks in on him with crystal-clear relief and joy and gentleness!!! The "show, don't tell" aspect is just OFF THE CHARTS IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE because that's how Mario is. He's not so good at words and remembering to say them. When he loves someone, he wears that feeling, he lives that feeling in so much of what he chooses to do and how he interacts with the world, and while it's always good to say these things outloud now and then just to be clear everyone's on the same page (and I'm sure he does after the movie, haha), it doesn't make it any less meaningful. :)

[youremyheaven]

Princess here. Hey babe how are you?

I feel like you're the only anon left here 🤭🤣

I currently have a slight cold and feel a bit out of it but I'm going to use this opportunity to do a bit of an inventory for 2024 as it is the end of the year. If anyone's interested, you can do the same and drop me askszz

Things I did in 2024:

1. Moved away from the place I lived in for 8 years 😭

2. Grew my hair down to my ass and then cut it chest length??? (My first haircut in like 3 years??)

Not all growth is meant to stay. Sometimes we grow in ways that help us protect ourselves during difficult circumstances but you can't live wearing your armour 24/7, so it's important to shed the layers we've accumulated every once in a while (me philosophising the heck out of my hairdresser telling me my hair is damaged and needs to lose length lmao 😭😂)

3. I cut off friendships I'd maintained for 8 ish years. Just because something has lasted a long time doesn't mean it has to stay. Especially if things aren't working out.

Don't tolerate disrespect and don't hold on just for the sake of it.

4. I went to therapy for 3-4 months and then I quit therapy

I needed it at that time but I'm also glad I quit when I did because I felt myself microanalysing everything through therapy speak and it wasn't healthy lol

5. I went back to my ex after 6 years and then it gave me the reality check I needed and I promptly left him

6. I dated someone who treated me like a princess but still somehow didn't respect me or value me lmao (yes, they exist)

7. A friend I had for a long ish time behaved inappropriately with me when he was drunk and despite having a gf, told me he thinks I'm hot etc etc this cemented my belief that men and women could perhaps never actually be friends

8. I started abusing substances after being sexually abused.

I never thought I'd have a substance addiction era bc that's sooo not me like no one would ever think I was a chainsmoker but that was the lowest point of my life this year. I didn't brush, shower, eat or even get out of bed for weeks. I stayed high and drunk bc I felt so unsafe in my body and was dissociating severely. I'm so glad to have recovered from it and move past it and to have had someone in my life who held my hand through that journey bc it was messy asf and I have sooo much compassion for people who stay stuck in that loop for years and lose so much of their time, like I completely get how easy it is to lose yourself entirely

9. Adult relationships are so different??

I wish I had been in a relationship in my early 20s or when I was in college so that I could get a little bit of a crash course on this stuff and not feel so overwhelmed by expectations bc im already 24 and things start getting serious at this age 😭😭

But I'm also glad I stayed single throughout college bc it really helped me solidify my own identity and understand who I am, what I want and what I expect. I think 18-22 are very personality cementing years and I'm kinda glad that my personality wasn't shaped by a romantic relationship even if I was madly in love with someone all those years (unrequited, one sided stuff). The act of being in love with someone unconditionally like that has perhaps altered me in ways I can't even express but I'm glad there's no trauma or drama to recall from that experience

10. What someone tells you when they're angry is exactly what they've been thinking of all this while.

11. I make my own money??? And pay my own bills??? And I have a job that I like??

12. You don't know a person until you live with them. Don't ever marry anyone you haven't lived with 🫡🫡

13. Sex is nothing special without love

14. Had really good sex and really bad sex

15. Met new people, made new friends

16. I modelled??? I've done a couple of photoshoots now??

17. Had ₹80 left in my bank account and still somehow survived

18. I learnt to cook and I loveeee to cook now

19. I got a tattoo!!!

20. I got many more piercings

21. I resolved a 1.5 year long "crush" twin flame esque situation I had with a guy

22. I travelled 💛

23. Built a new identity for myself 🫡

24. Restarted my creative journey

25. Lost touch with myself and then now I'm finally going home to me

[ecosyncrasy]

I've been watching a lot of longer form content today about studying in preparation for my university prep courses. I've attempted going for a degree many times over across a variety of different subjects and always ran out of steam halfway through the first year. I used to laugh off explaining this to people as me simply being a bad fit for academia and that I was content simply 'knowing a little about a lot'.

However, now in my thirties – making the choice to go back there was something in this video I was watching about study habits that made it click why this time is actually different. Why I feel so strongly that this time I have a chance.

I made so many excuses during my twenties about why I was simply okay with how things ended up because I had internalized that I was completely powerless to change things. I was disassociating so hard the fact that I found myself in a long term abusive relationship where I was isolated from all my family and irl friends. (and the ones I had online had NO idea what I was going through offline because subconsciously I was so embarrassed to even talk about it or admit I was struggling with anything). I had nothing but a job that I was killing myself to excel at because “lol gifted kid burnout is just like that”. There wasn't any possibility of me being on the spectrum or having ADHD because my parents said those are simply not real or excuses. After all, I was making honours lists and was getting 90s up until the family unit started to fall apart (Grade 11).

Yet even in the final months of high school – I had no idea what I wanted to do. I only knew that my parents expected me to go to university. In fact my whole life up to that moment the entire family was gearing up to brag about all the degrees I was just BOUND to get – while being entirely divorced from my academic life. (My father and extended family only cared about achievements. My mother was stressed from being in a shitty marriage and assumed I didn't need any help because my younger brother was struggling so much with even the academic basics.) That by the time I needed to apply I just picked my top subject (English Literature), and picked schools based on where my high school friends were going. Especially since my parents officially separated (messily) the summer before (Hi shitty summer of 2009) I was due to go to uni, in retrospect I was already in a tailspin. I was just clinging onto anything remotely familiar.

I wish so badly that I had someone then to shake me and tell me not to rush off into university on whims that were not my own.

Predictably. I spent the most of that year in a depressive state. I barely attended classes. Spent most of my time in bed. I crashed and burned horrifically, and ended up having my final conversation with my father around this time who's only support was calling me an 'idiot' when I told him I was depressed and considering dropping out.

My subsequent attempts at different things in an online university setting from 20-25 ... were not much better. I ran away from my family situation after the loss of my grandmother who had pretty much raised me when my parents were both consumed with work. Into the arms of a much older guy who definitely never deserved my time. Then all my attempts at school were in hindsight more running away but I was flailing. Picking anything that sounded interesting. Trying to discover who I was in an environment that was not suited to discover ANYTHING. Devouring and excelling in the first half of the classes but not having the confidence to even attempt any sort of exams or meaningful evaluation. Because god – having any sort of needs or support isn't how I get people to love me. If I couldn't do it 100000% by myself – it wasn't worth doing.

And in the end I wasn't chasing a passion. I didn't really see myself in any of those positions. I wasn't allowing myself to go after anything I really wanted because – that doesn't pay the bills. How could I let myself go into debt if I didn't stand a chance of making it back right out of school. I was still basing every choice I was making based on what others wanted out of me (prestige, money, etc).

I didn't, as this video so aptly put – I didn't have the end goal in mind. I was only thinking of the next day – maybe the next month.

I'm in a much better place now. A better relationship that has allowed me space and room to grow. To challenge my old ways of thinking. I'm in a place and have a good relationship with my mother that I am starting (still struggling) to work on being myself. Getting in touch with the things I love. I stumbled into a job (working at a commercial pet store of all things) that rekindled a passion from childhood that's given me a drive I haven't had before.

All these things, coupled with the fact that I've been watching my life pass by in the most unfulfilling way has unlocked memories of begging to go on walks down forest trails. Crying over and hugging trees as a kindergartner that were marked to be cut down to make room for parking. Mourning the loss of a property out in the wilderness for one closer to the city. Leading a gaggle of first graders to make pseudo-science observations of local birds during recess. Devouring hours and hours of nature documentaries wanting to be the ones doing that for a job (but thought I wasn't smart enough or that it was somehow beyond my reach). Craving nature based spirituality. A life long passion for animal welfare, rescue and rights that I buried in a professional sense after I found out that veterinary medicine would have killed me.

Something has clicked this time and it has filled me with such a thirst for success that hasn't existed for me before.

For me the answer is now clear. It's always been Biology. Ecology. Conservation. Fighting for the rights of people and the planet. Every career quiz I've ever taken has told me I craved a calling that would serve a higher purpose. That could help people and be a force of change in the world. More and more as I look down the gun of what is going to be a great challenge, more things unlock in my mind telling me that I am suited for this. This is my purpose – and it feels right. It just took me three decades to understand and feel confident about that understanding.

Even now, I can't remember the last time I've sat down and reflected about any of this. It's the first time I've felt compelled to write about my experiences in a raw and unflinching way. I think that says something.

For the first time I crave the struggle to make my life better. And now pathways are opening up as I discover myself and I'm so excited for the future.

[tussive]

Tagged by: @labcorp3

Are you named after anyone?

Nope, my mom said I needed a powerful name for when I was a big businessman lol.

When was the last time you cried?:

Like just a few tears or like full blown crying? Few tears I've cried a couple of times today, full blown crying probably like a week?

Do you have kids?

Nope.

What sports do you play?

None really. I'd like to get into boxing and there is a boxing gym in town now but I'm in such poor shape I feel like going would probably be a waste? I wanna drop some weight and build some muscle first and then I can start doing that I guess.

Do you use sarcasm?

I mean, doesn't everyone to an extent? I don't like sarcasm when it's obviously sarcasm though. The funniest joke is told completely straight imo.

What’s the first thing you notice about someone?

I don't know that there's anyone one particular thing, aside from how bad or not bad they make my anxiety, ease of conversation, etc.

Eye colour?

Like mostly green. Looking at that eye chart, like a D20 or D30 most likely.

Scary movies or happy endings?

I like scary movies, but I like sad endings more than both.

Any talents?

I'm good at teaching myself things, when I'm really dedicated to them. I'm good at researching things and accumulating information. I'm not sure if you'd call this a talent as much as personality trait, but I'm very adaptable. I think if I had to I could acclimate to most situations.

Where were you born?

Norwich, CT

Hobbies?

The last like probably 4 years I've spent doing pretty much nothing but laying in bed and watching the same TV shows on repeat. I'm working on pulling myself out of that hole and engaging in activities and hobbies I like, but it's hard. But I like baking. I like, I don't know what you'd call it. I like making things myself with regard to food? I like sprouting, I like making yogurt and stuff. I was really into coffee for a bit. I like fountain pens and penpaling and cute stationary. I'm a big fan of music. I want to start getting into carnivorous plants more.

Any pets?

None, but if you've been following me for a while you've met The Girls. They were three rats and they were the sweetest girls in the world and I miss them every day. I don't think I'm well suited for pets because despite loving animals, I can't handle when they die very well.

Height?

5'8"

Favourite school subject?

My least favorite was math, but I don't know that I really had a favorite. I liked school well enough, but idk. They wanted me to skip a grade, but my grandparents thought I'd get bullied for it. I wish they had let me. School was way too easy for me basically the entire time and by the time I reached a point where I really could've taken harder classes, I was totally checked out. So I liked going to school, I liked learning things, but I wish I had had a more engaging experience with it. I guess I liked English or science best.

Dream job?

I mean, real dream job? Something easy and bullshit-y that pays me like $1M a year. Real job that I'd like to do though? I don't know. I wanted to be a translator for a while. I wanted to go into pharmaceutical research for a while. I wanted to be a social worker for a while. I think I'm one of those people who no matter what isn't going to enjoy their job though. Like some people their job is their passion, for me my job is just a means to get money to pursue my passions. So I don't know.

Tagging: I'm going to try and tag different people this time, but if I tagged you in the other one then you're tagged here too lol. @420--wrld @hotrail @immigrant @penglue @birdsinthetrap666 @real-doozy anyone else who wants to do it also =3

[aromanticle]

i just got out of the shower and i have some thoughts to share about something that happened a few days ago

i went, with my sister, to see a psychiatrist. i didnt really want to do that cause deep down i just know that nothing a third party could ever do would truly help me in any way and the only person who can change the way i do things is myself, but that brief period i had with her actually did open my eyes. just not in a good way.

no one irl knows this but i actually have talked to a therapist online for a few months though one of those mental health related apps, a few times for free and i paid two dollars twice which actually ends up being not so cheap for me lol but i stopped because of something that was said to me. the person i talked to seemed to actually pay attention to what i said and she'd always tell me that the main problem i have in life in executive dysfunction which is very accurate. i dont actually know if the people the app provides are licensed or not and idk how trustworthy this all is but i actually feel like i had a positive experience with it for the most part. of course theres not much one can do when i only call them to talk about things that frustrate me and things i wish i could change about myself once every two weeks but at least i felt like there was someone out there who actually understands what i have to say.

my sister and i sat in front of a psychiatrist and told her we wish our mother actually gave a shit about us and did something to help her children have a better life instead of spending the day on her phone and guess what she said? "you cant change her, deal with it"

we were just around 10 minutes into our time together and my sister brought up concerns she had about me and she basically dismissed it completely, saying "but you dont have this trait" that someone would only know if they actually knew me when she had barely even talked to me at all. i always felt like i struggle with certain things that she said i have no problem with when she simply does not know me even a little bit at all. she just heard a couple things about me and assumed i am someone im not.

i said "i actually went back to school because i wanted to avoid trouble with my mom, not because i wanted to" and what she heard was "i loved going back to school". i said i used to want to be a literature professor and what she heard is "i like reading". my sister said i go to sleep too late (which is only partially correct) and she said "ok, i'll give you this so you can sleep"

i told her i gave up on the idea of being a teacher when i was 15 because i know how hard it would be to get there and thats not even what i want to do and she said "well this is a generation thing" like the reason i didn't pursue a goal i knew would lead me nowhere is because im a tiktok brained little gen z child that doesnt want to put effort into things that take time ???????? my dream is to star in a musical, i just dont have the means to do that. i know i dont. im never gonna have what i truly want so i can only chase after these smaller little things i could feasibly do but they dont last long. i know i'll never be happy as a teacher, not even as a literature professor, that's why im not gonna even try. i know this is gonna take years and im not even gonna be satisfied when i get there. im not gonna waste my time and money doing something i only kind of wanted to do, i shouldnt even have brought that up but we were talking about teaching and jobs and i thought it was appropriate to mention i once wanted to teach. not anymore.

i said i changed schools a lot. i liked the first school i went to, but my mom put me in a public school in third grade because well. it doesn't cost anything. but i hated going there because i couldn't get used to it. my mom then put me in a different school. i hated going there because i couldn't get used to it, but i knew if i said that to my mom she'd get mad. when i was in seventh grade my mom "threatened" to take me out of the school because of my grades and because i put no effort into my studies at all (because i hated going to school) so she put me back into a different school. i didnt like going there because i couldn't get used to it but i knew there was nowhere else for me to go. then i finally got to actually choose which school i was going to when i changed schools for the last time for high school. i went with a friend, so i assumed it would be easier. i hated going there. it was only at the end of my third year there that i thought "actually, i like this school. i wish i didnt change schools in third grade and stayed right here". and the psychiatrist said "you changed schools a lot so you clearly don't have a problem adapting to new environments". #girl you have talked to me for a grand total of 7 minutes.

i'm supposed to go back there and talk to her again in less than 30 days now and i am dreading the day i have to open my mouth and say a word to that woman again. i'd rather have my sister go alone or my mom or someone else and talk about me, i think i would be more helpful than if i go there and try to explain myself just for her to misunderstand everything i have to say.

[babydinojojo]

Day 7(4/14/24)

uhhh- when the hell did Iast write in this shit? I deadass don't know, ok anyways... A LOT has happened these past couple of months so let's begin shall we.

Let's start with the highs:

Me and Van/Vanni have been dating for about 9 months now and I don't regret a single moment of it at all. The reason why I put Van is because he's Genderfuild and he's feeling like a femboy currently so I'm calling him Van for right now. Ever since I met Van I've never been more madly in love with someone my entire life... Van maintained that perfectness inside of him, he's just so beautiful and cute he's just oh my god... He's so amazing... I couldn't have asked for a better partner than him.. I love him so much... Thank you God for answering our prayers and having us be together. We're gonna be reaching 10 on the 29th and guess what... I wouldn't change a thing at all.... I just wish we can be together irl.... But God I know you'll make that happen... And guess what once that day comes I'm never letting Van go. His regression just makes him cuter... Every time he's in a mindset of a toddler or just a wittle baby boy or girl he just get so much cuter... And I love taking care of him*smiles* it's like I'm actually taking care of a wittle baby hehehe... And the fact he has a Paci named Nunu as well bro... Jesus Christ... That's literally a perfect name for a Paci... Jesus Christ I love this boy to fucking death he's just perfect... Van Van if you're reading this I love you so much, and I always will.. more than anything on this entire planet with all my heart

The Rp: I love it. I wouldn't change a thing about

Van Van and the RP are the only positive things that happened... now onto the negatives and there are A LOT!

College: I'm stressed TF out rn and my friend group is fucking annoying. They're so annoying to the point where I don't even talk to them outside at school. Like bro deadass it's always "Yo Bro where you at", or "Jordie what's the answer to this or Jordie I need help or Jordie blah blah blah" Nadia with all do respect shut the fuck up and go meat ride your fat ass on someone's dick that isn't m- oh wait a minute at least I know how to pull a guy(Van) if I wanted too. Thank god I have Van/Vanni I don't want that disgusting pig of a bitch and Van/Vanni is the only girl/guy I WANT. Atp I should literally suggest she goes into a pig pen and fuck all of the pigs inside of it.

Don't even get me started on Juan Pablo bro. Nigga is deadass annoying and doesn't know how or WHEN to SHUT THE FUCK UUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP. And how tf do you let yourself nearly get groomed by a 30 year old man on Grindr. In fact why the hell do you have it TOO BEGIN WITH!? It literally took Sley to intervene and shit before you actually did something you regret and you even lied about your age... you told the man you were 18!?!!!! What the actual fuck is wrong with your retarded ass JP. WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING DO THAT!!?? Jordie calm down it's fine y'all talked about it and that's ok he knows not to do that shit now. I know I know, but I don't want him to get groomed let alone get fucking robbed or killed cause of a cat fish. I know how it feels to be groomed

Sley and Neha are ok tho, but I barely see them. Oh well

Stressing me tf out. I already missed mad classes this semester and I be in the library during those days lol but the grind is gonna be worth it. Cause imma get my degree, move in with Van, get a high paying job, and start a family with him. Jesus college is such a pain in the ass, but hey at least there's that story we have to do the for the essay. Remember the first day me and Van Rp'd I'm gonna do that, but we introduced Will earlier and she kidnapped Vanni and held her hostage. Imma need Gabe so I'm bringing his ass back from the dead so that's Lovely ASF.

What's crazy is that I still here about that stupid ass piece of shit Krisy a lot from Paola. When we do talk that is it's like once or twice every 3 weeks. She fills me in on what's going on and shit and how Brayden and Kris keeps Harrison her. It's like Brayden I get she cheated, but dude you pushed her to that point. You were a serious piece of shit towards her and she felt so unhappy in that relationship. Can I be honest here, they are ALL in the wrong... Paola SHOULDN'T had cheated with Brayden and she should have just told him he lost feelings for her and shit instead of being so secretive around him. Ax from the rp said it himself.. "cheating is the unforgivable sin" and me and Van have been cheated on before. But hey at least Krisy cheating on me got me Van in the first place LOL SMD KRISY!!!

But yea they all in the wrong, Brayden shouldn't had escalated this leaking all of Paolas nudes and shit... nigga is in possession of CP... Her Nudes are LITERAL CHILD PORN! And Brayden is a minor too mind you... so theoretically They all get in trouble. Krisy had the AUDACITY to take Brayden side, but she's a hypocrite cause... Again she's a cheating scumbag... And not to mention Paola had gotten doxxed too and she COULD have stopped it but didn't so now she has to face the same punishment LOL. It's a bunch of retarded shit but hey at least IM not involved.

Wait its 2:19 AM.. I should be sleeping 😭😭 WTF!!??? Alright lemme check on the server rq to see if anyone new joined ok nope. Okay going nini now. Nini!!

[lifewiththelulus]

So I've been sitting on an idea for a bit

Maybe around the time Creek is like, 12 ish

Lily cheats on Brine frequently when she's gone partying So it was only a matter of time before she ended up pregnant again, but not with Brine's kid. Of course she doesn't tell him there's a possibility it's not his So imagine the shock when she he sees the baby the first time. A little Steam baby.

Lily: whaaaaa~ You never told me you had fire genes in your family Briney-poo 😅

PFF SHE WOULD DEFINITELY TRY TO PULL THAT

Ok but you know Lily fights him hard on that She's not gonna just hand over custody like that. Not because she cares about her newborn, but because it's something he wants.

"Oh if you care about the kids you'd stay, because they won't see you if you ever think about going through with a divorce."

Ooooof What if Brine only wins Creek, but the new baby is in custody of Lily. And that steam child ends up growing into as bitter of a person as his mom

I did think about that

But I also thought about

Her getting caught treating the kid poorly Aka not taking care of him properly due to being an irresponsible and emotionally immature person

It takes a while for anyone to realize he's being raised horribly.

She didn't do any research on caring for him so he was constantly sick and weak, and acted out horribly since it was the only way she'd pay him any attention.

She was still partying hard as ever too

I'd say she was finally caught when he did something bad to another kid in kindergarten and she basically brushed it off as not a big deal "That's how he always is just give him whatever it is he wants and he'll shut up. Problem solved."

Vapor adopts the kid?!?!?

Vapor sure has his work cut out for him

He was a misbehaved emotionally represented teen himself once

I figured since Kin has too many kids. Vapor would be a good option

Kindlin would say that's nonsense but I agree XD

She'd have 12 kids if Cirrus ever agreed lol / hj

I think vapor would be perfect though

This kid is the kinda kid that makes you wish all kids came with a warning label

Someone catch me up to speed there's much text/lh

Lily cheated on Brine and had a steam baby

And did a horrible job raising him so he's a very small and weak but full of 6 year old rage nonetheless

I think Cirrus would ask Bog to help looking after the kid while she takes care of her kids. And crashes in yelling “Hey babe, check out our new son! 🤪

Aww so maybe they ask kin and Cirrus to foster?

And that's how he meets Bog and Vapor?

I can see the kid being a little handful for them He kicks Bog in the leg the first time they meet Of course it doesn't do much since he's so small and his steam isn't very thick

Haha yep, Bog was asked to sit when Cirrus was really busy. And Bog ended falling in love with the little guy, probably reminds him of how Vapor used to be, in a way.

I think someone as chill as Bog might be what he needs

Also another angsty steam person could help him feel more understood and he'd have someone to relate to.

He's definitely got some adjusting to do

He can be a little butt head

Especially when he doesn't get his way All learned behaviors

Lily gave him what he wanted but never what he needed She was raised similarly

I'm gonna imagine him with Max’s (camp camp) voice

I'm just imagining all the bad things he would do when first living with them Cus it's how he's used to getting acknowledged

Fume looking at plume. "Your name is dumb"

He would XD

I see him throwing an absolute tantrum over everything at first.

"Dancing is stupid! Music is stupid! You're stupid!"

[zukotheartist]

Hiii :) i need a bit of help

(Ik i said i wouldnt do rant posts here but this one is also advice seeking? So we'll let it slide this time)

It's about uni and mental health and jobs, etc and just overall oversharing lmao. Feel free to skip ofc lol but if anyone has some advice/opinions to share, im all ears.

Basically, i just really don't know what to do with my life💀. I even took a gap year in between hs and uni to decide and ig it still didnt work😭.

I'm in uni studying languages (mandarin, portuguese and japanese) and the language part is going well so far, I guess? (And I do like it!). I even like a few of the other subjects (some of them i only have them for 1 semester so theyre not major subjects) but i really just cant handle it???

I wasn't happy with my choice in the sense that I think my job prospects after uni won't be great but I knew I wouldn't be able to handle anything else (im terrible at stem and most high-paying jobs require it lol + i have depressive episodes 24/7💀 and im pretty sure i have adhd*). But even picking smth i like and am not terrible at (not great at either but at least it's not math lol) im not able to handle it???

I was trying really hard at first, i didn't want to fuck this up, but the rhythm needed is just... way too much for someone who stuggled all throughout hs and has shit mental health.

I managed to work hard for a bit (studying everyday after class, doing 8hr study sessions during the weekend, revising quickly while waiting in line, etc) but then i let loose (or even went full days/weeks with minimal amount of studying) bc it was so overwhelming and now im cramming like 2/3 months worth of 3 different subjects and my exams are in Jan/Feb (the first available dates on the 10th) and ill be lucky to pass a single one of them with the speed im going at.

Even on days i get up early to study and barely even look at my phone, it's just too much stuff and im not fast enough + i lack a lot of things bc of my slacking off in hs.

I go to uni in Italy and if you fall behind u have to pay more but ig it's better than putting all this effort and most of all money to then just drop out and be left degreeless?

But I feel so freaking terrible bc i literally dont even work part-time or anything and i still live with my parents and theyre the ones paying for all of my stuff basically? So to add a higher cost bc i couldnt keep up with uni🥲 but then, if i take a part-time job, ill be making some money but uni will be going even worst and itll still be a waste of money???

I've talked to multiple therapists/psychiatrists, asking them even for LIGHT anxiety meds and *all* of them have refused (I also made it clear that I would still go to therapy even if I got meds but nothing).

Studying calms me down a bit but even tho ive started doing it daily again and for hours on end, im still akskdkdkrkr

Ill talk to my family and my therapist but i honestly dont know wtf to do with my life. Ik the whole "dont cry over spilled milk" thing but i really wish i could re-do hs to not be in this fucking mess.

It doesn't really help that my only goal in life is to make a lot of money bc i think ill be alone (both romantically and platonically) forever but with the way it's going, ill be lucky to get a minimum wage one (im not saying it as a diss, those are respectable jobs too but like i said, my only goal is to make money so i can live comfortably and distract myself from my depression lmao).

This is all very specific and i doubt anyone responds (let alone reads) but if anyone does read, tysm for reading this sad long rant🫂🫂🫂. I pretty much wont be able to see my therapist until just a bit before my exams so this was also my way to let out some frustration.

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*Ive tried to get an official diagnosis, and it's fine if im wrong ofc, but i was immediately denied and told that couldnt be it... bc of my age lmao💀

[jabitha-endgame]

I don't want to get my hopes up that we're getting Jabitha for the long haul but it would be a really bad look, after Vanessa's call out of the writers, if Tabitha was used as a foil or cheerleader for Jug and Betty. It has been established very early on that Jabitha are attracted to each other, Jug just said he wasn't over the break up,NOT Betty, the trauma of the betrayal, in other words I like you enough I want to work on myself first, so I can be at my best for you, that doesn't say BH to me

I have to put this under a read more because I accidently made this very long lol who knew I, jabitha-endgame, had a lot of feelings about this

I agree with all of this. Vanessa speaking up has already had a huge impact on the show, and I think Tabitha is evidence of that. I actually ranted a bit about this point earlier, so I won’t repeat all that here lol.

There's just nothing narratively indicating that Tabitha would push Betty and Jughead together, especially since she is the one who initiated her kiss with Jughead - and he kissed back! Jughead unpromptedly jumped in to dance and twirl Tabitha and dip her over the table. They both got swept up in that moment, giggling with huge smiles. Even before the kiss they are so close to each other and you can see something has changed for them both.

I don't see any reason to fear that Tabitha would be used as a prop to push Jughead to Betty. Especially in the last two episodes of this season where Jabitha have been growing closer the entire time and Bughead haven't interacted. Betty also told Tabitha that Jughead "wasn't her problem" and that he shouldn't be Tabitha's problem either. Tabitha cares so much about Jughead, why would she push him to be with someone who has outwardly shown disdain towards him. Betty has also played Jughead's voicemail in front of Tabitha and Jessica for the purpose of "exposing" Jughead to them. I know Bugheads want their ship back, but there isn't anything there for them right now. Not a single thing we have seen in the time jump episodes supports their wishful thinking that Tabitha will want them together.

1000 percent Jughead was not ready to be in another relationship, and that's not because he was "still hung up on Betty". He explains to Tabitha that the Betty breakup was rough on him, says he has trauma from it, and that his last relationship was a toxic one. That's why that conversation ends with them flirt-ily deciding to be fRiENdS 😏 and then Jughead says "as your fRiENndD 😏😏😏" before asking Tabitha his favor. They table their potential romance for the time being because Jughead isn't in the right mental space to have another romantic relationship, but their feelings for each other are still there. Heck, when Jughead disappears to go to NY he makes one phone call, and it's to Tabitha with the romantic intention to "finish that dance". Their last dance ended with a kiss! And when Jughead gets back from NY their incoming romance feels so obvious.

In 5x16 Jughead and Tabitha exchange genuine apologies - and Jughead looks shocked that Tabitha thinks she has anything to apologize for. I think the juxtapositions between the Jabitha and Bughead apology scenes are intentional. Same with the Bughead and Jabitha voicemails. By the end of the episode we get the incredible "why are you so nice to me" scene with Tabitha gently reaching out to touch and hold onto Jughead's hand as she tells him that she cares about him and he needs to take care of himself, and this is what prompts him to go back to AA. Not to mention when Betty and Jughead finally have their talk in this episode, Jughead is somehow the one apologizing and while he clearly has fallen off the wagon with his drinking right in front of her, Betty just gets up and leaves him without a word while he’s on a 2 minute phone call. There has not been anything remotely resembling Bughead reciprocation from Betty this season - she’s called his writing cringey, she hooked up with the person she cheated on him with, she told Tabitha he wasn’t her problem anymore, and she sided with his ex over him by giving Jessica the manuscript he worked so hard to write for his deadline. Betty had her own trauma she’s working through this season, obviously, and I don’t hold that against her. But her interactions with and about Jughead simply aren’t forwarding a romantic narrative anymore, that’s just not the story being told between them. 

In 5x17, it’s been 10 days and Jughead is "recovered" - not fully because that's not how alcoholism works, but for Riverdale purposes he seems ok now. And Jughead's relationship to Tabitha is developing further. When Tabitha tells Betty and Jughead that Squeaky is missing, Jughead's eyes are glued to Tabitha and he offers himself up to help her. Previously it had been Tabitha helping him out, and now that has changed. And when Tabitha gets the news in the morgue that confirms Squeaky is dead, Jughead and Tabitha turn towards each other for support, with both of them physically reaching out for the other - and Betty has no jealous reaction to this almost couply moment that happened right in front of her face. Jughead is making himself emotionally available to Tabitha now in ways he wasn't able to before 5x15, where he had to address the trauma that was still affecting him - his relationship and breakup with Betty.

And in 5x18 we get Jughead now being there for Tabitha and supporting her. This makes perfect sense for their development and anyone who is shocked by this simply wasn’t paying attention to what was happening on screen before.

Also, there is just no way that Tabitha is a throwaway girlfriend for Jughead either, because Jessica already fills that role. Tabitha is her own character, and parts of the fandom really need to stop ignoring her. Erinn is a main cast member and is a series regular again next season as well, Tabitha isn’t going anywhere.

Tabitha’s purpose in the story is not to push Jughead and Betty together or to prop them up to the other. In fact, Tabitha the one who is with Jughead during all of his emotional moments this season. She is the one who protected him from the debt collectors, she is the one who gives him a job when he needs it, she takes care of him at the key party, she goes with him to the support group and gets him to open up to her when he runs out of it, she pretends to be his current girlfriend to protect him from his ex, she helps him with the mothman investigation, she let’s him keep weird alien corpses in her restaurant, she is the one who is worried about him when he is missing, she is the one person he calls on his way out of town, she is the person Jughead goes to when he needs someone he trusts to watch over him, she tucked him in on the couch when he passed out, she is the one that convinced him that he needs to take care of, and prioritize, himself - hello?! what’s not clicking for some people? It’s all there, it’s all been there this entire time. 

GIVE ME THE MUSICAL NOW I CAN’T WAIT.

Sorry for this extremely wordy answer, but yeah I agree completely with everything you said. To me, narratively, it’s Jabitha full steam ahead.

[northernscruffycat]

003 - an OC of yours of your choice you wanna talk about :D

I mean... obviously I'm gonna pick Momus

How I feel about this character: I still kind of can't believe Momus happened? I write this same asshole in every fandom I'm in, so when I needed two villains for a Hades fic I was writing, I ended up going with "smug bastard twink" again for one of them. Originally, I'd had some ideas to use Momus and his twin sister Oizys in a modern day fic, with the two of them acting as guides for Zagreus when he visited the surface. But I much prefer the idea I went for with using Momus as a villainous sidekick for Heracles. The idea behind Momus in the fic he first appears in was to have a villain to counter Theseus - someone who would become stronger by drawing power from Theseus's own insecurities, thus forcing Theseus to deal with these issues. Making Momus more insecure than Theseus himself seemed like a natural progression and with Momus being the God of Criticism and Mockery (amongst other things), giving him a crush on Heracles, the most overrated Greek hero of all, seemed like an amusing addition as well. But then the folks reading the fic had such a strong reaction to Momus - it gave me life every time someone told me they hated him or loved to hate him, because that meant I was doing my job right. After that, I found that I was paying more attention to Momus and that his antics were the highlight for many readers, even more than the canon characters themselves, which I've never had happen with an OC before. Needless to say, I love Momus a lot and will probably keep writing him for as long as folks want to see him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Heracles, ofc! But I also like shipping him with Theseus and Zagreus in the context of the various fics he's appeared in. In the RPs that I play Momus in, I also ship him with Icarus, Morpheus (in this version, Morpheus isn't Pasithea & Hypnos's son lol) and Eros. In general, I also think shipping him with Dionysus would be fun. I'll ship Momus with a lot of characters, really.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Momus & Pasithea!

My unpopular opinion about this character: Can you have an unpopular opinion about your own OC?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: That's the magic of him - anything I want to happen to him, I can simply write to make happen.

my het ship: No het ships for Momus. I went back and forth a bit at first, but while I usually default to making my OCs bisexual, Momus is the one time that I'm like "actually, this one is gay". He doesn't realise that himself yet, though.

my fem/slash ship: I mean, all of the ships listed above. If I was gonna crossover ship him it'd be Momus x Thor or Momus x Loki lmao

my OTP: Momus x Heracles

my OT3: Momus x Heracles x Morpheus x Icarus

a head cannon fact: Momus and Oizys were identical twins when they were first created by Nyx and were both genderless back then. But as they each got older, they grew into their separate roles and decided on a gender identity they preferred, as well as coming to have appearances that were completely different from one another.

[patchoulimademoiselle]

Guilty. (Part 1.)

Part One.

Steve Rogers (Lawyer AU) x Reader Insert. 

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: Work place romance, smoking, self destructive habits, language, adult themes. (No smut just yet lol.) 

Masterlist. 

Part One: 

Your cell phone rings, a sound that pulls a loud groan from the back of your throat, the sandwich in your hand thrown down onto your desk as you blindly dig through your purse for it, eyes sharp as you stare at the girl sitting across from you, Wanda. "It's my boss," Your tone is clipped as you look down, "Stay quiet."

You sigh, push your hair from your face as if he could see how relaxed you were moments ago, muster up a second wind of energy, and rise to your feet as you take the call. "Steve, finished so soon?"

"Cut the shit, Y/n." He's speaking over the plastic straw between his teeth, sipping on an iced coffee no doubt. "I know you're goofing off with that stupid assistant of yours."

You're lucky he isn't on speaker, and you walk quickly out of Wanda's ear shot. "Be nice! She's new, just like I was."

He hums, the sound of his dress shoes clicking against pavement and cars driving past tells you he's walking. "But you were never dull, never as dense. You wouldn't still work for me otherwise."

You, an assistant, were gifted your own assistant. The work load you take on under Rogers overwhelms the responsibility you still have at the firm, and so they decided to assign someone under you, unheard of and argued among the people above you, but Steve thought it was a good idea. All he saw was dollar signs, you moving up with your reputation and gifting him a chance to charge more for both of your services in the court room.

But Wanda was young, too young to understand the importance of the work she does here, too hung up on boys and partying to see her job as anything other than a job.

"You didn't call me to talk about this." You push open the doors to the balcony in his office, stepping outside for fresh air.

"No, I didn't. I'm done with my client, I'm sending you my location."

He doesn't give you a chance to protest, hanging up the call, a text message coming through seconds later. You groan, heeled foot tapping on the pavement as you weigh your options. You had expected to have at least another two hours free to train Wanda, but that had just been stolen from right under your nose.

You count your steps back to your desk, a nervous tick you picked up in law school, plopping back down to finish your sandwich, roasted turkey breast with all the trimming.

"Wanda," You speak over half chewed food, manners gone out the window in your rush to find an excuse to slip away. "I've been called out, something important has come up with a new client." Her eyes snap up to you from the stack of papers in front of her. "I'll be back as soon as I can, just stay by your phone and I'll let you know what's going on."

She looks nervous, never left here in your office alone before, and you feel bad, remembering how it felt to be new in such a large place. This was a building full of people with their heads in their asses, established lawyers with years of experience under their belts. She was prey among wolves, protected only by your presence, and now you were leaving her.

"Don't leave this office unless it's to use the bathroom." You say. "Don't be loud, don't speak to anyone, keep your head down and stay out of trouble."

All things you wish Steve had told you, all things you had to learn on your own. It's hard being a woman studying law, you're automatically ruled out simply for being a woman.

You offer her a gentle smile, reaching into your wallet and pulling out a twenty dollar bill. "Door Dash some food if you want, or waste it in the vending machine, just remember to take a break and hydrate yourself."

She looks doe eyed, "Thank you." She says, and you're tempted to just bring her along and shove her into the back seat of your car, tell her to stay quiet and to not repeat anything she might hear.

But Steve would throw a fit, you can see it now, a ghost of a smile coats your lips as you leave her behind, stuffing the last of your sandwich into your mouth as you scoop up your purse.

You're tired, Steve called you in early this morning to get some work done before your assistant was scheduled to come in. A new case was dropped on his desk, and you made arrangements for him to meet with his new client immediately. He took a cab, slightly annoyed that you weren't free to take him there, but there was no excuse now, not with your assistant busy at work, you could slip away for a little while to do the second part of your job, assist big shot lawyer Steve Rogers.

The address he gave you was a coffee shop, but naturally he's walked a good block away from it by now, bored and restless in the city of New York waiting around for you, and you honk your horn when you see him walking, phone pressed to his ear.

He gets in, tossing his brief case in the back seat, pressing his phone to his chest. "Find some food? I could go for a burger."

Steve is very particular about what he eats, especially all American classics. He's craving something greasy probably, a nice greasy sloppy burger with salty fries and a thick shake. You're slightly pissed that you ate already, because eating again will ruin your appetite for dinner, but you wouldn't turn down the opportunity for good food, especially if Steve is going to be paying.

He wraps up his phone call just as you swing by Five Guys, parallel parking across the street from the diner. He stares at you for a moment, eyes squinted and glaring until you pull a face at him. "What?" You ask, shifting in your seat.

"This case is being paid for by the state, our client has no money." He says, "He's suing because of wage violations."

You shrug, settling back into your seat, not understanding his tone or expression. "So? This is easy for you."

"It's against Stark Industries."

You frown, eyebrows knit. "Oh shit."

"Yeah," His chuckle is almost nervous, pushing the car door open to get out. "Shit."

You walk across the street together, and you make a show of clinging to his arm for support. He glares down at you, but let's you, baby blue's almost welcoming your touch as he helps you across the street. Then he's shrugging you off and ushering you inside the diner.

"I'll pay," He says. "But the next one is on you."

You kiss his cheek in thanks, whispering your order in his ear and then ducking off into the ladies room, running wet fingers through your hair and swiping on a new coat of smudge proof lipstick.

Your relationship with Steve Rogers is a complicated one. There's chemistry, obvious chemistry that often leaves you flustered, just like this, but he refuses to do anything about it. In fact, you've talked about it before, the backs of your thighs pressed to his desk top as he kissed you, telling you that he couldn't, wouldn't go any farther because if his career has taught him anything at all it's that you don't shit where you eat. If word got out that you two were an item, you would be torn to shreds in the court room, all credibility out of the window, and he would be forced to fire you to save his reputation.

But it's still there, lingering in the way he looks at you and talks to you. That fire is still there, and one day it was going to consume you both.

You undo a couple buttons on your shirt and untuck it from your skirt, rolling up your sleeves and letting go for a moment, the heels you wear suffocate your feet, so you slip out of them, carrying them back out into the seating area to find Steve. He's sitting in a booth next to the window, glaring sharply at you as you walk over, your food waiting for you.

"You look like a slut."

You laugh, snatching up your milkshake as you sit, sucking the thick liquid through a straw. "No, I look like I'm not stressed out for once." You nod to him him for emphasis, his forehead wrinkled. "You should try it."

He's wearing his suit jacket still, which he quickly shrugs off and places beside him. He rolls up his sleeves as well, plucking a fry from his plate as he alternates sleeves, eyes never leaving you as he copies your current state, reaching up to undo his tie and unbutton the top of his shirt.

"Better?" He sweeps a hand through his hair, reaching for his own shake, and it makes you smile.

The sun hits his face just right, lashes looking elongated against his cheeks each time he blinks, the direct sunlight revealing a hint of green hidden in his eyes.

"Much," You reach for your burger, needing to distract yourself. "Now tell me about this guy."

"Barnes." He says, clearing his throat, talking around a mouth full of chocolate shake. "James Barnes. He's owed two weeks of pay and Stark Industries is refusing to pay it, something about the prosthetic he wears being a violation of his working contract."

"That's bullshit."

"Sure, but Stark has good lawyers." He says, fingers pinching up a bunch of fries. "He'll find a loop hole."

"So what are we going to do?" You ask, juice from your burger coats your fingers, and your chin, hands too full to wipe the mess away.

Steve regards you for a moment, takes you in as the mess you are, and his touch is gentle as he reaches over with a napkin to wipe your face. "You are going to sit in your office and dig up everything you can on Stark Industries and James Barnes. I'm going to do a bit of field work, find out who his lawyers are and how dirty they're willing to play it."

You hum, mouth full. "This is good."

He rolls his eyes, dropping the napkin and going for his own food. "I can tell, you've made a mess of yourself." There's a husk to his voice that's far too suggestive, and you do all you can to ignore it.

A part of you is worried about the case. You're never seen Steve so worked up about one before. Tony Stark is known for burning lawyers to get his way, and he pays much more than the state could ever afford to pay you to take a case. But you're determined to help out as much as you can, the case is a simple one and will go in your favor on it's own, but these kinds of people don't play far, which is why it's important to figure out what tactics they will use in the court room.

You sit there for about an hour, eating until you can't, bickering and tossing an occasional fry to get your point across. All in all Steve Rogers is good company. Some people will never get to know that, his reputation precedes him, scaring away anyone who dares to get close. But you know better. You know that there's some kind of gentleness in his hard glares, you know that he cares even despite the cold tone of his voice, his eyes warm and kind even if his jaw is set in anger.

He cares about you, more than he would ever say out loud, and you're lucky to be good at reading him. You would never know otherwise.

When you get back to the firm, Wanda is where you left her, fresh Subway on the corner of your desk, and Steve grumbles as he makes his way back into his own office, which you glare at him for. She's done a majority of her work, filing, and you feel bad to add another task to her list, but you're on a case after all, and there is urgency.

"Wanda, be a dear on fax me everything we have recorded on Stark Industries." You say, dropping your bag and once again slipping out of your heels. "Check all records, I want everything, no matter how minor."

She nods, tapping the stack of papers in front of her. "What about this?"

You shrug. "It will be there. Save it for tomorrow, you can go home after you do this last thing for me."

You can see the way her eyes light up, and you smile to yourself as she gets up to do as you asked. You settle at your desk and power on your computer, waiting for her to send the information over. In the mean time you straighten up, adding to your pile of items to shred, something else you can have Wanda do tomorrow, collecting spoiled food from the mini fridge in the corner, tossing out piling up take out trash and organizing your desk.

Steve hears the commotion, pulling open the dividing doors between your offices, and pokes his head in. "Sent her home?"

"Soon." You say, "Need me for something?"

"Not really, I just don't care to babysit."

His attitude about your assistant is understandable. Steve works in a particular way, and you've since been accustomed to making things work. Wanda only slows him down. Well, at least that's how he sees it, because she slows you down, which then slows him down. But you were new once too, just as slow an annoying as he finds Wanda, and you understand how it feels to be the new girl. She's young and a bit naive, but helpful, and you won't let Steve Rogers scare her away.

"Stop being rude," You snap. "She's trying, and she hasn't made a single mistake yet." You sigh, exhaustion setting in as you pinch your eyes. "I'm going to pull an all nighter, dig up some dirt for you."

He drums his fingers on the door, pushing it open wider. "I have some dirt to dig up on my own as well. I also need to schedule a meeting with someone, I'll be here a while."

It reminds you of when you were newer, eager to please, you would sprawl out on the floor of his office with your cheap laptop and notepad, the two of you fueled up on garbage coffee and staying up all night to prep for a case. It doesn't feel that way anymore, there is no enthusiasm because there are no risks. Steve is one of the best in the country, he's never lost a case, and you've proven yourself by being at his side for so long. But this is different. You're going up against someone with power, someone loved by the people. The risk is mild, but very much there, and it has you both anxious and on the edge of your seats again.

“I'll fish out my laptop and we can work together?" You offer, unsure of what he'll say. But his subtle nod back into his office is answer enough for you, and you watch as he spins on his heels.

"Dinner is on you."

You huff, rubbing your face, mentally preparing you for the night ahead. "Of course it is."

You send Wanda home, double checking the faxes she's sent up from records, every case Stark Industries has ever had displayed before your eyes, and you tell her to come in as soon as she can tomorrow morning.

You won't be getting any sleep tonight, so you do all you can to make yourself comfortable, fishing a pair of leggings out of the trunk of your car to change into, and ordering takeout for you and Steve to eat while you work. You power up your laptop, pushing your desk through the dividing doors to line with his, working across from each other to put together some counter argument for any bullshit Stark and his people manage to come up with.

The hidden elements you find are shocking, police officers paid to go on trial and lie, lawyers who were burned for trying to go up against Stark, judges fired and discredited for being tipped off, all real cases that the media hasn't covered. Stark has his toes dipped into every industry there is, including the media, any and all press about either him or his company is filtered through his payroll. You greedily take notes, writing down names and dates, and a few details and citations to type up later into official statements.

Steve seems to be having a hard time though, his coffee cup once again empty, his fingers laced together in his hair, eyes staring blankly at the computer screen in front of him. He's trying to get dirt on Stark's lawyers, find out who is working with who, and who he can trust to get information from. But everyone has been sworn to secrecy, tipped off and paid to stay quiet. If Steve dives down the wrong path, it can trigger a chain reaction that will make it's way back to Stark, and all the work done to build a solid case against him will be for nothing.

"Steve?" Your pen taps as you wait for his eyes to meet yours. "Smoke break?"

He nods, rising far too quickly from his seat, and you follow after him, fishing a pack of cigarettes from your purse and a lighter for him.

Smoking isn't something you condone. In fact, you find it disgusting. But the nicotine rush does help you concentrate, it helps him far more than it helps you. The coffee has been enough, especially since you've had three cups of it. But after living this way for so long, after wiring your brain to work under extreme conditions, sometimes it takes the extreme to get the gears turning. For Steve, smoking is considered and extreme.

He takes it from you with a gentle thank you, fingertips brushing yours as you both step out onto the balcony. He lights a cigarette quickly, taking it between his lips, and the way he visibly relaxes scares you a bit.

You can't help it, fingers reaching to grab the collar of his shirt. The moon hits his skin just right, his eyes seeming to twinkle as he glances down at you, cigarette tucked between his fingers as he reaches up to grab your chin, pulling you into a sweet kiss.

He tastes like sugar, his lips warm as they press against your own, and your eyes flutter close at the sensation. It's scandalous, two coworkers sneaking a kiss on the balcony of the law firm they work out, concealed in darkness, but still not safe from the consequences of getting caught. It drives you further, makes you moan in his mouth as his grip adjusts to your throat, holding you in place, drawing it out of you.

Then just like that he's pulling away, forehead wresting against yours as he takes a deep breath to control himself. It's unspoken, but understood. You can't.

"Maybe we should wrap up in a few hours." You suggest, eyeing his wrist watch. "A bit of sleep will do you good."

He snorts, and you have your answer. "Leave if you want."

You both know you won't, so you share a cigarette on the balcony at three in the morning, lips tingling with the ghost feeling of his lips on yours, waiting for the sun to rise and the caffeine to leave your system so that you can refuel.

The smoke break works, Steve is lively as ever for the next couple of hours, putting together his to do list for the day, and you type up your findings for him. When the sun comes up, you go your separate ways. You go home to freshen up, and he heads out on his long trail of hunting. You text Wanda, asking when she'll be able to come in. She tells you that the metro won't be at her stop for a couple of hours, and you offer to pick her up instead. She doesn't refuse.

You shower, change clothes, style your hair, skipping out on breakfast in hopes that Wanda will want to grab something on the way.

The address she gives you is near the college campus, no doubt a dorm she shares with other people. Her hair is a little frizzy, her dress wrinkled, you notice immediately that she hadn't been prepared to come in, but you don't mention it. Instead you ask her where she wants to get breakfast, and in true college kid fashion, "Starbucks" is what she requests.

You both get muffins and coffee, and she thanks you, once again for treating her to a meal. She's starting to warm up to you, smiling more, unafraid to speak her mind. "Can I ask you something?" Her lips are wrapped around the green straw, plush and pink, and you realize how pretty she actually is, even with no effort really put into her appearance today.

"Sure." You shrug, eyes on the road ahead of you as you drive to the law firm.

"Are you and Steve dating?"

The question nearly makes you crash, you sputter for a response, cheeks flushing and breath leaving your lungs. She smiles. "It's just that the way he acts when I'm around-"

"Don't worry about him." You cut her off. "He's just old and cranky."

She smiles, but shakes her head. "I don't mind it, I've had worse. But I've noticed how protective he is over you and over his work. It seems to be the only thing he cares about."

Her words surprise you a bit, because you didn't think about it that way. You saw his mistreatment of her to be simply that, another big guy picking on a little guy. You didn't think for a second that he was just trying to protect you.

"That doesn't make it right." Is all you can say.

"I can handle myself, Y/n." She says, reminding you of a younger version on yourself. "It's the case you're taking on that you need to worry about."

For once, you see Wanda for who she really is. Not a shy timid girl who hides behind good behavior, but a law student, smart and witty, knowing when to hide behind a facade and when to actually speak her mind.

She knows something, if not about the case, then about Steve Rogers, and given the far away look in her eyes, she isn't a girl you should underestimate.

---------------------------------------------------

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Friends

I don't think I'm okay. I've always been sad and I'm not the best at communicating but I've tried and it bites me in the ass everytime. I don't really have friends maybe a handful I guess but everyone else doesn't pay me any mind and I wish it was different. I used to have a really good group of girl friends but we stopped talking well I was kicked out because of a boy, they wanted to bring him into the group but he didn't understand no means no so I DID NOT like him whatsoever but they didn't believe me and picked him over me. So for awhile I was just going group to group and didn't really fit in with anyone so I became a loner. This was like half of sophomore year all the way into my senior year. ~I HAD NOBODY~I was a loner for so many years and even though everyone liked me and I played sports and was great I felt like a loser. I ate lunch alone most of the time I just sat there listening to music and reading. Sometimes the groups I would hangout with would sit and keep me company but I learned to be alone and didn't want them around me. I was so sad for such a long time and everything was just bottled up. Half way through my junior year I tried to kms but I didn't cut deep enough. I left school and did independent studies because I couldn't handle being alone anymore it made me so sad that I didn't have not one soul and i was going through so much but then I did independent studies and it was so much worse. I didn't have friends until I started working at my job and I made my closest friends and it might be because we see each other regularly but I didn't care I had friends finally. That friend group has been pretty rocky lately they go out and don't invite me because I said no a couple of times because I just wasn't up for it so they excluded me which makes me sad. I also have another friend group which is pretty nice. They are known as the bros and I've only known them for like 7 months maybe and they're all so great but idk if they actually like me hehe.They're all guys and I'm a girl and they told me it'd be weird since the girls in the group are gfs but it still happened lol! I pushed myself away from them and like everyone else because stuff has been happening and I wish someone would want to listen to me because I can't take it anymore. But whatever anyways I'm just sorta there I think they keep me around just to be nice not because they actually enjoy my company and I'm a shy person and I try so hard and it was going good but then I stopped hanging out with them and just recently we've been hanging out and it's like I'm starting over and it SUCKS. Not that I was really ever in the group because they don't care for me. With both groups I feel like I invite myself out and I hate that I don't have any reason to feel like that and I thought it was just me but i dunno I'm too clingy I guess but it just feels so good to go out and have fun because I didn't do that for so long and now I can but I dunno. I'm sure it's just me and nothing is really like that but I don't know maybe it is and I look stupid still hanging out with them I dunnoooo

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Not to be weird, because I obviously don't mind if so, but are you wearing my clothes in your latest insta pics or have I lost my mind? Rio: Oh my God, sorry! Shoulda said before putting that up Rio: casual single white female situation Rio: I was in London and I had to stop by yours to avoid a real walk of shame... whole 'nother story, assumed it'd be alright 'cos you know, you weren't using 'em? Shipped back fully dry cleaned, swear down Rio: Not to drop him in it but shamelessly will, Buster said it'd probably be alright too lol Nancy: Well we have the brunette and redhead thing going on, already. Just don't murder me like Nancy: It's more than okay. They look great on you and they are just sitting there Nancy: Keep them if you want Nancy: I'd rather you than one of Buster's 'guests' Nancy: Did you talk to him? Rio: Last time I check, no feelings of murderous jealousy towards you Rio: Even if you do have a killer clothes collection Rio: You're too sweet! I'm nowhere near statuesque enough to rock it for serious but it was fun playing dressup, not gonna lie Rio: A little bit, yeah, as much as you can with him Rio: Has he reached out to you yet? Nancy: We should go shopping then. I'm not flooded with other offers or compliments right now Nancy: He did try but I didn't answer the call. I didn't know what to say, you know Nancy: Do I want to know what he said about me, if anything? Rio: Absolutely, always up for a style update Rio: and I promise to stay away for the red box dye Rio: Rihanna 2010 I ain't Rio: That's fair, I remember he mentioned that too Rio: He said a lot of things, some of 'em stupid which don't bear repeating but I could tell he was worried about you, checking you were okay, like Nancy: Oh god Nancy: I should've answered I just couldn't Nancy: I've already broken my own heart there's no handling if he decided to do it for me too Nancy: It was like I already hear what he was going to say Rio: No one is judgding you for not Rio: He's been guility of being unavailable for less Rio: You're more than entitled to take your time with this Rio: Let him cool down too, I put him right where I could but Rio: He's stubborn Nancy: And he thinks I'm as cringey as everyone at school does, right? Nancy: I knew it Nancy: I can't blame him really Rio: But that's nothing you don't know, you feel the embarrassment, I don't get why people think they're being clever pointing out as if its not your first hand experience Rio: He asked if you were coming back Rio: which he clearly wants, even if he's not gonna outright say that Nancy: I thought he might be on my side since he always goes after what he wants Nancy: Maybe he is though, if he does want me home Rio: Yeah, there's definitely hypocrisy otherwise Rio: I'm not gonna commit him to either side from a conversation relayed but I don't think talking to him soon will make it any worse Rio: Hoping he said all the dumb shit he needed to me instead, like Nancy: Was he such a prick to you? I'm sorry Nancy: I can't go back until those girls are far away at uni Nancy: Do you think we could convince him to come here? Team effort to get a visit? Rio: Not all bad Rio: and nothing I can't handle Rio: Yeah, reckon I might've met some of them last night Rio: and I feel you Rio: Worth a shot, I threw it out there that maybe if he came it'd make your 'rents coming less of a shitshow Rio: try and hold him to it Nancy: The ringleader is Chloe, with an accent over the e. You'd remember her if you did Nancy: It wouldn't surprise me if she was still hanging around him and his friends, she always did fancy him Nancy: Okay. I'll try Rio: Oh my God, her?! Rio: If she gave me daggers any harder I woulda been bleeding Rio: Such an unlikely candidate, no offence Chlo hun but total Rio: always the girls with the least going for them, honestly Nancy: That's her specialty Nancy: What's it say about me that I used to think we were actually friends once Rio: She looks like she can play nice when she wants to Rio: with your Brother, like you said Rio: Ugh Nancy: Yeah. She didn't want to play nice after I came out but she did a convincing enough job before Rio: Bet she thought you were in love with her and everything? Rio: What a cliche mean girl Nancy: Oh she went one better and told everyone I made a move of her, which even I wouldn't Rio: Oh, don't flatter yourself Rio: What a cow! Yeah, she's not changed at all then, obviously I avoided her best I could but she was way too happy about my drama Nancy: Like I know what I did with Sian was bad but Nancy: Please, I do have some standards Nancy: What happened with you? I didn't even ask. What a cow I am Rio: Yeah, she's not a catch, whatever way you're swinging, sorry to be a bitch but you were first gurl and that's always gonna be a turn-off Rio: Oh nah, nothing major, well, it was very dramatic but over it whilst it was happening so I'm not bothered Rio: Curtis went with me and then decided to get all huffy and try and make me leave early 'cos I was 'dancing too sexy' or whatever Rio: when I wouldn't he literally left me there, considering he drove us over, he had the hotel key Rio: Cue mad rush trying to find a place to crash and a way back Rio: Safe to say he's chucked Nancy: Oh my god! There's no words for how out of order that is. What an utter prick! Nancy: Buster better have offered you my bed Nancy: I'll kill him if he never Rio: Oh yeah, he did Rio: Offered to pay the way back but I thought that was too far Rio: Between taking your bed and clothes, like, need to at least try and sort half of it myself, like! Nancy: At least he's not a total prick himself ALL the time Nancy: Remembering some of how he was raised now Nancy: Are you in London rn still? Rio: Yeah, I'd say we can give him that Rio: Will go to his head but what you gonna do Rio: I am Rio: Toying with staying for a bit but I'll defs get in more shit for doing that for going with Curtis in the first place so Rio: Should probs get the soonest flight back now Nancy: My bed and wardrobe are yours if you are staying Nancy: Did you see my mum and dad? Nancy: While we're mentioning being in lots of shit, like Rio: I appreciate it, Nance Rio: I did my best to avoid then, and succeeded, thankfully, not really the vibe I'm looking to give out to the olders like Rio: Buster didn't seem keen to talk to them either, so they may very well be on the warpath towards Dubo and you...Soz to confirm Nancy: Care to teach me some of your ways before they end my life? I'd REALLY appreciate it tbh Nancy: Fantastic. That sounds accurate Rio: Umm, get them drunk and they'll be sleeping as you sneak about like Anne Frank? Rio: ORRRRR, whilst they're mid-air, come back to London, ha Nancy: Get mum REALLY angry Nancy: Nice subtle nod to my gayness with the Anne Frank ref though Nancy: And you're definitely onto something with getting dad a drink Rio: Say you're coming to rescue me, I can be FAR more dramatic about this breakup than I'm really feeling Rio: edge of fucking tower bridge like Rio: of course, all bisexuals are upheld in the highest esteem in my household Rio: especially brave little jewish girls Nancy: Good plan, if I can be this dramatic about a non-break up then we can make this believable I'm sure Nancy: Take the heroics from my brother too, always great Nancy: I see the bed and clothes gesture and I raise you Rio: Everyone loves a bit of sibling rivalry put to use Rio: get us both off the hook in one fell swoop Rio: Only flaw in the plan is Chloe with the accent Rio: Going to have to work on that so she's outta the way by the time you get here Nancy: I'd suggest taking her to the bridge and pushing her off but I don't need to go to prison Rio: If you thought the gay jokes were bad now Nancy: Exactly Nancy: And nobody needs a rebound that badly, least of all me Rio: They say some people go to Prison for the roof over their head and three meals a day Rio: wonder if anyone has ever gone in purely for the pussay Nancy: As a vegetarian I feel I'd have to Nancy: If only casual sex was my thing. Wouldn't have got here Rio: Yeah, it ain't for everyone Rio: at least you didn't get to fuck her, THEN catch feelings Rio: that'd be even shittier like and what happens to so many girls in our year when they do the 'casual' thing Rio: no wonder they're being salty little bitches about it Nancy: But that way it wouldn't have been all in my head Nancy: Maybe they have a point, I don't know Rio: It wouldn't make this bit any easier Rio: the actual heartbreak shit Rio: the people being cunts, less so Rio: but they'll find any reason, someone else will be the target next week, like Nancy: I know you're right Nancy: And I don't want her life ruined so Rio: Yeah, but you gotta think about you and your life too Rio: She's fine Nancy: Don't rub it in, please Nancy: I feel like my life's over Rio: I know sweets Rio: but it ain't Rio: you'll just keep going Nancy: I know I will, but I don't want to. Like I know she couldn't love me but I still want her too Nancy: It hurts Rio: Its going to Rio: for a while yet Rio: revel in it Rio: how unfair it feels Rio: 'cos its not a sexuality thing, if you were straight or she was gay or whatever the fuck, when you feel like you love someone and they just don't back Rio: that's gonna hurt regardless of the how you got there Rio: its not just because she was a teacher, everyone's been there, like Rio: Promise Nancy: I wish everyone saw this how you do Nancy: You're the best Nancy: June too but he doesn't get this bit yet Nancy: Though he can appreciate the wonders this will do for my art Rio: Gotta suffer, might as well get paid for it Rio: or A's Rio: at the very least Rio: I don't know, Junior is so guarded, I wonder if he ever will, not that I wish that bit on him but you've gotta go through it so its better to get it over with really Nancy: Especially because my Irish grades are gonna take a dive Nancy: I think he will Nancy: He just needs the right one to fall for Nancy: I appreciate how that sounds coming from me rn but Rio: Oh the awkwardness of that first lesson back is gonna be Rio: I'll deffo come Home by then Rio: I hope so, I know he's not happy hiding who he is, so I don't think he's content being alone forever, like, either Nancy: Oh god please do. I'll need all the help I can get Nancy: He won't be. He's a catch. I keep telling him Rio: Pretty sure push it any harder and I'm being dragged back by my hair lmao Rio: Totally, he just needs to get a lil confidence Rio: Not a complete personality change but just enough to give him that push Nancy: We're working on it Rio: Yay! Shame we can't be real speedy about it, get him getting a man to distract all the attention from you like Nancy: That's okay I wouldn't wish it on him Nancy: I can handle it. Sort of Rio: Yeah you can Rio: You've got this Nancy: So our brother keeps saying. But he makes it we because he's everything Nancy: *your Rio: Y'all are cuties Nancy: If you could use your influence on my brother to make him bearable I'll be your best friend Rio: I definitely cannot make promises there Rio: He goes out of his way to be un Rio: but he's alright really, I think lol Nancy: I'll have to take your word on that Nancy: Until I talk to him myself Rio: Let me know how it all works out like Nancy: Definitely

[cookinguptales]

It was so hard to pick out of 75 questions so I hope this is ok 😬💦 2, 13, 18, 19, 25, 28, 29, 30, 33, 39, 42, 46, 47, 54, 58, 67, 71 (Doesn't have to be the romantic kind), 73, and 75

Oh wow, jeez. haha. OKAY I’mma do it, but I’mma put it under a cut bc this can only be long.

2. Who is your hero?

You know, I feel like I learn about amazing people all the time?? There are so many people in history who have done so many cool things. I love the information age we live in where we can here about heroes every damn day. But if I had to pick one that means a lot to me specifically, possibly Helen Keller. Like sure she did the whole learning to talk while blind/deaf thing, but she also became a hardcore social activist! If you read her writings, she was not even in the vicinity of fucking around, and I’m here for that.

13. What is your favorite book to read?

Hmm. My comfort read used to be Howl’s Moving Castle, but I haven’t read it in years. That’s...a bummer... Maybe I should reread it soon.

18. If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be?

Hmm... I mean, if we’re talking on like a magical level, then a pain-free, exhaustion-free day would be swell. I’d be happy doing just about anything. If you mean in a more normal way, then I think I’d be happiest traveling somewhere really cool with a friend and having a nice meal and seeing beautiful sights.

19. What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play?

Hmm. I mean, I don’t play/watch sports that often. Disability and all. But I used to do tae kwon do and karate fairly regularly, and I really enjoyed that. I usually really only watch games/sports during the Olympics, but I enjoy speed skating, figure skating, gymnastics, archery, women’s weight lifting... Um... I watch the Super Bowl for the commercials? lol. Honestly, my favorite part of watching sports is watching the winners cry haha. That’s why I like the Olympics best.

25. Who is your favorite author?

Probably either Diana Wynne Jones or Neil Gaiman. I’ve read a lot of books by a lot of authors that I’ve liked (and admittedly both of them have some stuff in their work that makes me raise my eyebrows now) but I feel like both of them really shaped me from a young age. I was devastated when DWJ died.

28. In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read?

Most of my reading energy is taken up by school stuff now, but hopefully I’ll start to get to read again come graduation. In the meantime, I like to watch movies best. I livetweet them a lot haha.

29. Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why?

WELL I have actually gone to Alaska before! I really liked it, honestly. It was beautiful up there. And nice and cold! Which is good for the POTS, haha. But I think if I had to choose a future vacation I’d choose Hawaii just because I’ve never been there! And there are some shrines I’d love to visit.

30. Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why?I mean... The job I’d really like to do now certainly wouldn’t pay as much as the lottery, but it’d keep me comfortable. I mean. I guess it’d be great to win the lottery so I wouldn’t have to worry about working (which, as a PWD, can be...stressful) but not to put too fine a point on it, my current living situation is one where I don’t need to worry too much about money. I’m incredibly lucky on that front, I know. If I were as poor as I was about ten years ago, this would be a much easier choice. XD Though research does show that a lot of people who win the lottery end up getting fucked over by taxes, friends, etc. so. maybe not.

33. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to?

I MEAN... I’m a gay, disabled woman. Going back in time probably wouldn’t be great for me, haha. But I guess I’d love to hear some of the old jazz musicians I love play live...

39. List two pet peeves.

Motherfucking DISCREET and DISCRETE which are TWO DISCRETE WORDS. There was a moment once when someone tried to assure me that “discrete” was just the British spelling and I just. I JUST!! Like if I were in the Cell Block Tango, that would probably be my prison origin story. I also hate it when strangers ask about my cane/disability.

42. If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have?

uhhhhhHHHhhhh teleportation powers which I would mostly use to get to class on time but also maybe catching babies when they fall out windows or whatever. That happens, right?

46. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?

Geez. I mean, on a big scale? Like Hitler? Bro, don’t put that much pressure on me!!! If you just mean in my own life, I’d probably just tell little!me what POTS is haha. If I have to change like. A personal decision?? I might have decided to do a different program while I was in Japan. It was very expensive (through my school) and I didn’t get to do a lot of the things I really wanted to do.

47. If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be?

HONESTLY, a lot of the major heads of religion. Like. I just think it’d be so interesting to talk to them about philosophy and what they’d think about where their religions are at now. Like even if you don’t believe in the religions, people generally believe that people like Jesus, Mohammad, Siddhartha Gautama, etc. lived.

54. What's your favorite holiday?

HALLOWEEN, BY A COUNTRY MILE!!! I love Halloween! Lots of great spooky stuff and yummy treats and fun parties. I love Halloween SO MUCH.

58. What's your favorite type of foreign food?

I LIKE A LOT OF THINGS... In Japan, I think I loved curry and takoyaki and onigiri best. Some of the octopus and lemon chicken/soup/etc. in Greece was delicious. I loved like ALL the food I had in Barcelona. Tomato bread and jamon iberico and olives and everything was just high quality and delicious?? We just ate our way around La Boqueria (a giant market) one day and I loved it. I like poutine from Canada and pasties from the UK and basically anything cooked in red wine from France. haha. I’ve only had Thai food and Moroccan food in the US (so who knows if it’s accurate) but I love massaman curry and bastilla and Moroccan lemon chicken. I am a big fan of sweet and savory meat dishes, haha. Oh, and Afghan Palow!! Delicious.

I PROMISE I ALSO EAT FRUITS AND VEGGIES... I also like lots of international alcohols haha. Ouzo and absinthe (taste similar), champagne/prosecco/cava (cava was SO CHEAP in barcelona, rip), sake (especially nigori sake)...

67. What is your favorite childhood memory?

Jeez, that’s a hard one. I feel a certain nostalgia for the natural vibe from where I lived as a kid. (In other words, the people and buildings and stuff were fine, but I feel nostalgic for the natural phenomena.) Like the smell of fresh soil and the sound of the woods and rustling fields of corn. But like a specific memory... Long before we moved to FL, my parents did surprise us with a trip to Disney World when I was about 8! We were visiting a Floridian friend (who we later moved in with when we lost our house) and driving down and thennnn my dad “made a wrong turn�� and checked us into the Wilderness Lodge just outside the Magic Kingdom. We drove up like RIGHT as the fireworks started over at MK so my sister and I were kind of in shock haha. It was really fun.

71. What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love?

I WENT TO THE MUSICAL CATS. I kid, Loo. (Mostly.) I’m not really the kind to do big OTT things for love, but I think I am the kind to hurt myself for it, unfortunately. I loved a girl for a long, long time, and in retrospect, I realize that I allowed her to devalue me in ways that I’m still trying to undo. We were never together or anything -- I have a habit of falling for straight girls -- but boy did I get fucked up. Like...viewing this through my current lens, I can’t believe I let that go on for so long. It was crazy. There are a lot of reasons why I believed I was lesser and unlovable because of my disability, and I realize now that some of that started with her and another friend of mine. I just kind of wished that I’d figured that out before they ditched me for good and told me it was because I always “made everything complicated”. (I’d been late to a get-together because I was at the doctor...) I...cried a lot. haha. But I ended up becoming closer to my best friends today as a result, and learning a lot about myself. So I guess maybe it was for the best, even if it hurt at the time.

OH I’VE ALSO GOTTEN IN FIGHTS FOR LOVE but that was more for friends. I’d kick anyone’s ass in high school, or if we weren’t in an avenue where I could do that, I’d yell a lot or say stuff that was just, ah, really cutting. haha. I have...a protective streak. And I was frustrated about a lot in high school. Our school had martial arts classes, which was a good outlet. I was known as someone who could, uh, get things done. Um.

73. What was your favorite subject in school?

Uhhh. If we’re just talking high school, maybe math?? English if I had a really good English teacher. I love reading/writing. But math was comforting, in a way. Math is very solid. I also enjoyed French. And I enjoyed a lot of fibercraft techniques in that class, but hated the teacher. Womp womp. I liked making things with my hands. I found batik particularly comforting.

75. Do you collect anything?

I collect tarot decks! I’ve studied the history of tarot before, and I’m always really fascinated with the way that people attach meaning to mundane objects. I kind of love how tarot was basically just playing cards for rich people until a series of weird events and people started using them for divination. Now people rarely use them for anything else. That kind of applied religious/personal meaning is super interesting to me. PLUS a lot of them are very pretty. Haha.

[adventurousrecovery]

"Friends"

(I had met with my ex to exchange items after my chiropractor appointment. My lengthy speech days before was not enough clarification so he sought further, questioning our status. I smiled at the stupidity of the question and responded, "Friends." My answer was not the one he wanted and I received numerous messages before I had returned home. He wanted to make sure all items had been returned.)

Me: Yes unless I come across something else.

Ex: super great

Ex:I removed myself from your artist page

(I had made him an admin when he questioned my loyalty after my previous ex and his wife had messaged me.)

Me: Ok. I don't think I'd know how to do that lol

(I wouldn't.)

Ex: ok

Ex: pictures.

Ex: i need to remove tags and pictures

Ex: fucking facebook

Ex: its all like oh something went wrong

Ex: im about to just block you and see if that takes care of it

Ex: did you do a thing or did it work?

(He was looking for a response and I wasn't going to give it. I was more so stressed that he wouldn't leave me alone.)

Me: idk?

Ex: did you delete pictures on your end?

Me: No?

(I responded in the form of a question because I had deleted pictures of us weeks before we broke up, but not from social media. I felt he would not respond well to my confessing of the prior.)

Ex: oh ok

Ex: ok i think I got them all

Me: Good job lol

(What did he want...a pat on the the back?)

Ex: thanks LOL

(LOL was his common response when upset or not in control while seeking the last word in an attempt to feel in control. I find it to be the equivalent of "I'll pray for you" when Christians argue.)

Me: *sends a GIF of A. C. Slater and Zack Morris from "Saved By the Bell" giving themselves a pat on the back*

Ex: I take that as sarcastic

Ex: im still debating blocking you lol

(He was still looking for a response.)

Me: If you wish

(Encouragement in hope that he does.)

Ex: k bye

(I saw an opportunity.)

Me: There is one thing you should know.

Ex: ?

Me: *sends a picture of the Joan Jett and Styx concert tickets*

Me: Hahahahahaha! Bye

Ex: wow.

Ex: im glad you think thats funny

Me: You threatened me with Journey. I got the tickets the day after Indy.

(We went to Indy for my appointment and had both looked forward to getting out of town. On the way he questioned my delay in response to his questions the day before. Eventually he suggested, "Maybe we should break up", which was his go-to when things got rough. I took his offer. I went to my appointment and he sat outside. During that time he managed to convince himself that I had been using him the whole time. We left and got in the car where he proceeded to drive recklessly while being verbally aggressive. His excessive fidgeting had me worried he was going to hit me. I sat in silence as he brought up every concern and emotion he had ever tucked away. He attacked my sexuality. He put me down. He spoke on my behalf, answering his own questions. We were halfway back to Terre Haute before we began to communicate appropriately. By the time we returned to my apartment he was convinced we could work things out. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I told him if we were to further pursue this relationship I would have to see changes made, but that did not guarantee permanence. We went to DD for coffee. I knew he would pay. I didn't order. He was surprised. I didn't want him to think I was using him. We returned to my apartment and I got out of the car and walked away. It was only a matter of minutes until I received phone calls and messages.)

Me: But, still...its funny?

(He doesn't deny his threats.)

Me: This whole conversation is ridiculous.

Ex: I get that you got tickets to something

Ex: im glad you did

Ex: I hope you have a good time

Ex: but honestly I didn't expect you to tell me like that. I assumed you were a little better than that.

Me: I am certain I will. I didn't want to tell you like that but you weren't being nice.

(It was a dick move, but it was a good one!)

Ex: sure

Me: Threatening me with Journey tickets is an attempt to get an emotional response and gain some sort of control was a dick move, but then I quickly realized joan jett was the same night and I can still make it to work. I tolerated your harsh words and irrational behavior. I hoped things could be nice but it was clear that was not gonna happen, especially now.

Ex: ok

Me: I do wish good for you and believe you are better than you present.

Ex: ok

Ex: When did I threaten you with journey tickets exactly?

Ex: How so?

Me: In the car, "I think I'm gonna sell the tickets."

Me: "Okay"

Me: "Try to get my money back"

Me: "Okay"

Ex: that wasn't a threat, that was me hoping you would offer to buy them

(I offered to, but then I realized it was symbolic of all the times he pulled the "Maybe we should break up" card and me finally responding as he wished by begging and pleading no. I am not that person. I will not be that person. Instead, I bought tickets to Joan Jett and Styx after remembering they were to be performing in Noblesville the same night Journey was performing with Def Leppard in Louisville. Plot twist, asshole.)

Ex: call me.

Ex: please/

Me: I can't right now cause I'm still with my sis and packing up kaine to drop stuff off at work before going to the dog park

Ex: ok

Ex: well, nevermind then.

(I thought the conversation was finally over. Nope.)

Ex: I have $240 in the tickets, and at that moment i was frustrated and it was becoming clear we wernt going

Ex: I apologize that you lack the ability to see things outside of your scope and also lack the ability to recognize that sometimes people have moments.

(Again, he was speaking on my behalf. What I experienced was not a moment. It was the red flag I needed for the others had been bright enough. It was not just a "moment". It was an indicator of what I would experience if the relationship continued.)

Ex: Especially for someone who has so many. You complain so much about people not understanding you but it seems like you also arnt willing to take the time to understand other people.

Ex: and im sorry that you view everything as an attack on you, i know that sucks for you.

(Seems my voice was never loud enough and I admit that. I do fail to understand things. Ya can't teach a know-it-all. I do not view everything as an attack, but a potential attack. Trust is a HUGE issues and I didn't have that with him. I admit there are people I do not understand. I have become better at recognizing when to take time to understand because I know that whatever behavior or words were present were not of that person's character and who is actually an asshole that I cannot and do not have to fix. I understood that it was more than a moment and I was not going to stick around to "understand" and be manipulated and brainwashed to think otherwise.)

Me: I told you the truth of my limitations upon entering the relationship.

Ex: I know.

Me: School, work, mental health, recovery etc.

(I was extremely thorough with all that surrounded my mental health and placed great emphasis on my education and limited availability. I suggested he build relationships with those around him, staying in communication, and even attend counseling because there would be times I could not give him the support he was seeking.)

Ex: right

Ex: well, congrats.

(Congrats on my newfound freedom and reduction of stress? Yes!)

Ex: I guess the whole friends idea is done then?