#i wish literally anyone loved me or gave a shit about my wellbeing

[whatpunkin]

.

[sharkorok]

ooo u want me so bad

or…grumpy!enha being in luv w u

requested: nope

cw/genre: cursing, grumpy enhypen, fluff, humor, crack-ish, fem!reader, non-idol au, I wrote this during a zoom class, not proofread fuck it we ball, one joke about reader getting jumped?? anyways lmk if anything else should be tagged hehe

a/n: this was inspired by @macahoons grumpy enhypen texts that I just adored!!! Such a cute trope <3

•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•

heeseung

-he’s the basketball team captain, always idly boasting about his talents and loves being first place

-the only exception is you.

-he will never admit it but he absolutely lets you win every time you find him at the basketball court and u challenge him to some dumb scoring game where u see how many baskets u each can get

-“OMG HI HEESEUNG!! :3” when u find him at the basketball court and he sighs but he’s trying not to scream at how cute u r lowkey

-ur all giggly when u keep beating him “hee r u even trying?” “I’m just having a bad day don’t even” like he isn’t completely distracted by the way you look when ur grinning at him

-“I think I can take ur place as basketball team captain!” “In ur dreams??” but he’d gladly give it up if you would keep smiling like that

-insists on walking you home from the court because “I’m not gonna be held responsible for you getting jumped”

-and the next time you catch him on the basketball court it happens all over again! <3

jay

-you can’t even finish saying “I’m cold” before his jacket is over your shoulders and he’s scolding you for not being prepared

-sitting down and your skirt is riding up? his uniform blazer is over your lap and he’s shaking his head

-“what would you do without me??” “do you want your jacket back then , jay?” “…no”

-while it’s also because he cares about ur wellbeing, he also just really likes the sight of you wearing his clothes and you smelling like his cologne

-you literally walk into the room and he’s immediately “y/n you need to buy a thicker jacket you’re gonna get sick” not even a good morning or anything…

-“don’t tell people ur wearing my jacket I don’t want them to get the wrong idea 🙄” but lowkey he wouldn’t mind at all

-gets so (internally) giggly when u sink into his jacket because it’s chilly

-finds excuses u give u his clothes at this point …the tiniest piece of lint on ur shirt and he’s handing you his blazer

-“u can keep it ig”

jake

-gets you tiny gifts and acts like he just randomly found them

-he totally went out of his way to find you two matching keychains but he doesn’t wanna admit that

-“y/n I just randomly found your favorite seasonal pastry. no big deal. don’t thank me.”

-BUT HE ALSO KEEPS EVERY GIFT U GET HIM OMGEEE, he has a whole area on his desk dedicated to notes, trinkets, stickers, if you drew on his paper he’ll tear the section off so he can keep it LOL

-will never admit that. to anyone. but gets pressed if you give gifts to anyone else because that’s his y/nnie!! giving HIS gifts to some rando!! D: the cruelty!!

-gets sooo dramatic if he doesn’t get at least a little doodle he’s texting you like you killed a man

-one time his friend asked if he could borrow a pencil and he was like yea man sure and then realizing it was a pencil YOU!! gave him he snatched it back so fast trust

-he’s so cutie patootie but internally…4 now…

-wishes he could get over himself and kiss you all over when you shyly present a little plush toy you won at a claw game he’s RAHHHHH !!!

-for now he’ll stick to “thanks 😒”

sunghoon

-he’s really protective over you me thinks

-but he’ll be really quiet about it, maybe a girl makes you upset and he sees and he’ll “accidentally” knock over her bottled water on her notes, a guy is talking shit about you and sunghoon is squaring up in the courtyard no questions asked

-“sunghoon u dont have to protect me” “it’s not about you” even though it’s totally about you and he will die defending your honor

-one time on your walk out of school a tree branch poked you and u were all like “oh owie : o” and he was following behind before GLARING the shit out of that tree branch…

-another time this guy made a degrading comment about you and sunghoon managed to find receipts on him cheating on his gf and posted it on the school newsletter…cuz he’s silly like that <3

-honestly it’s a little scary the lengths he’ll go for you and still refusing to admit he’s doing it for you

-he’s not really good at comforting you when you cry, so he’ll make sure to protect you from anything that could make you cry

sunoo

-he’ll always listen to you

-if someone said “sunoo can u go grab me a drink from the vending machine” he looks at them like they’re insane but if YOU’RE asking??? he’s sprinting down the hallways

-“it’s literally just because ur lips get all chapped when your dehydrated don’t get an ego,” while he’s handing you like…water purified in Antarctica sourced from glaciers with a little paper umbrella

-even smaller things, he prioritizes your advice

-“guys should I have hot pot or panera for lunch?” and a rando will go, “panera!” and hes dead silent but you go “oh you should totally get hot pot!!” and he’s basically booking a reservation

-probably “accidentally” books a reservation for two and forces you to come since “it’s a waste of table space” if no one else does lol

-also if you don’t like someone he doesn’t like them either

-“sunoo are u friends with Ria?” “shes okay” “she said my makeup looked bad today :(“ and sunoo will act like he dgaf

-but next time you bring her up he scoffs and is all, “why even bother crying about her? she’s not worth your time and she’s annoying anyways” even though he’s never talked to this girl

-tldr ur word > anyone else

jungwon

-always speaks highly of you

-never to your face but he’ll always defend you when necessary, or speak up for you, or just praise you LOL

-“y/n actually scored higher than you, so idk why you’re bragging so loud” to some rando kid talking about test scores lmao

-or “y/n doesn’t like that snack get her another” when your friends are debating how to surprise you

-ur name is always in his mouth but positively LMAO

-brushes it off if you take note of this and says “people are just exaggerating, I barely talk about you, don’t get it twisted >:T” but everyone knows he’ll take any chance he can get to praise you

-“y/n is better tho” and everyone’s like?? who asked??

-it’s endearing but he doesn’t even notice it, he just is proud of you in every shape and form and since he can’t really express it around you he has to project it anywhere else he can hehe

-“jungwon do you think my hair looks okay?” says hee, looking for an actual answer. “y/n’s hair is nicer” responds jungwon, not missing a beat.

-“did you guys know y/n got a 100? isn’t she smart? don’t tell her I said that.”

niki

-does things for you without you asking and then acts like it’s a habit

-it is definitely not a habit for him to run out of his seat to pull out your chair for you, but he insists he literally does it for everyone (he doesnt)

-opens your capped drinks before handing them to you, stops you suddenly to tie your shoelaces, sends you photos of notes if you missed a day..

-“y/n you’d literally be hopeless without me” but he’d be hopeless if anyone else helped you because it’s his job!!

-it makes him feel special when he gets to do so many acts of service for you, for some reason he doesn’t mind running errands or whatnot, he’d much rather he be the one who does it than anyone else

-“y/n u forgot a hair tie today?? ur lucky I brought one” knowing damn well he brought it specifically for you ☹️☹️ cutie

-if the train is full you don’t even have to ask and he’ll let you take his seat “y/n you have weak legs, you need to sit”

-he secretly loves being someone you can rely on, no matter how much he denies it <3

[mickmarstookmyheart]

Life's a Sick Joke pt 7

Pairing: Mick Mars x Reader  

Would like to start from the beginning? Great! Here is Part 1!                                

Sidenote: As this story is under construction, I would like to warn you that those chapters which don’t have a proper title are written in the main caharcter’s POV!! Be aware!!! Be awaaare! I hope you will enjoy this storyas I did writing it, have a nice day and feel free to leave marks!                                  

7. “He is my brother.”

"Mass shooting at concert. On the cover: photographer who is rumored to be with guitarist Mick Mars, jump in front of singer, Vince Neil from the famous metal band, Mötley Crüe. There was a mass shooting..." You read it out loudly from the newspaper. "So what?"

"I understood that you saved Vince because I would've done the same...but you could've called me!" He ranted taking the newspaper from your hand.

"See, Mick? Everyone understands me except you." He just rolled his eyes.

"By the way, why didn't YOU called me?" Dylan turned to Mick. "If she was blacked out, you could've told me. I thought you are a grown-up. I trusted you to take care of her." Dylan was so furious, you haven't seen him like this for a very long time. He stepped closer to Mick who glared at Dylan. "I trusted you, man." Mick looked ashamed.

"I'm sorry. I... I just..." Mick started to apologize but Dylan cut him off.

"Don't apologize. It doesn't matter, now." He huffed and his face was crimson red. You put your hand on his shoulder to calm him down but he drifted away.

"Don't dare to touch me, right now."

"Dylan..." His hand swang so quickly you didn't even have the time to blink. His fist landed on the wall just beside Mick's head. He was just as shocked as Tommy and you. "Dylan, stop!" You walked closer to him and pushed him away from Mick. You stood between the two of them. You placed your hands on his chest but he pushed you away again and made you fell over. If Tommy wouldn't have been there you would land on the ground. He held your arms strongly and smiled at you.

"Hey there." How can he be this fucking tall?

"Thanks, Lee."

"Are you out of your MIND? You could've hurt her. It's okay if you hit me, but don't dare to hurt her like that again." Mick rushed to you and cupped your face with his hands. He brushed his thumb over your cheeks and pressed a kiss on your forehead. "Are you okay?" He whispered.

"Yeah, and you?"

"Don't worry about me." You glanced at Dylan who had his hand on his mouth and his eyes were wide.

"(Y/N), I'm so sorry." He glared at his hands. "I don't know why I did that. I'm so sorry." He lowered his head, put his hands in his pockets, and ran away.

                               ∆

"Anyway, do we know anything about the shooter?" You were laying on the couch with Mick, whom with you discussed everything, he also apologized for his behavior after Dylan's burst out.

"No, but I think everyone knows who was it. At least from which religion." Mick muttered with anger. He pulled you closer to him and placed a kiss on your forehead. It was his new habit. Not that you were complaining. He was sure the new album was the reason for the attack.

"Can I ask something?" Vinnie asked from the bed you were supposed to lay on. He was laying there and was staring at the ceiling. "Back at the auditorium, you said that you had been through worse. What did you mean by that? I mean, what worse could happen to you?" You sighed and instantly regretted saying that. Mick also glanced at you and Tommy and Nikki paid all their attention, too. You slowly sat up and ran your fingers through your hair.

"Do I need to tell you? Cause it's not my favorite topic." Thank Satan Mick realized that you don't like to talk about past stuff so he kinda let it go. He accepted as your present self and didn't care about your past. But now that you have a "new" friend who is curious as fuck, he will constantly piss you off with the smallest things.

"Yeah. We want to hear it." Tommy yelled and you felt Mick's hand on your back and was playing with the end of your hair.

"Goddamn, okay. So as I have already told or not told you I didn't have the most beautiful childhood. Just like you, Nikki." He glanced at you and gave a sad smile. "Our parents honestly didn't give a fuck about our wellbeing, or anything. When sometimes they realized about our existence they either hit us or yelled at even if we didn't do anything wrong. There was a night when Dylan and I looked after our sister...I was about 10 years old I guess, and Dylan was a bit older than me. Our parents slept at that time of the day. We managed to wake up Izzy and she woke up our parents, too. They were furious as hell and my dad even hit Dylan, even if he aimed me... Later my dad grabbed his knife and cut me with it." You sighed. That dream just brought up some memories you wished you could forget.

"What the hell?" Vinnie yelled. "Where are they? I wanna meet them."

"Let me finish it. The funny part just comes, I promise." You chuckled. "So, later, in the hospital I and Dylan had to lie that I fell over with a knife in my hands. They didn't believe it due they saw Dylan's bruise but both of my parents were joking about how clumsy I was." You lowered your head and played with the side of the blanket. They didn't say a word. They were both looking at you with open mouths. "Hey, but they are not part of my life anymore and I'm here and alive! And now I have a real family. You guys."

"Ohh we love you, too, Cooper." Tommy approached you and helped you stand up. He hugged you so tightly you were afraid your patch would bleed again. But fuck it. It was your moment and nothing or no one could ruin that. All the boys gathered and hugged.

"Okay, now it's enough." Mick spoke up and you burst into laughter. You turned to him and kissed his lips. He kissed you back more passionately than you expected. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. If I would've known..."

"Shhh. Don't worry." You kissed him one last time.

"Yuck. It's disgusting. Get a room, guys." Vince whined and you couldn't help but smile into the kiss.

"I think he is right." Mick whispered so quietly that only you could hear it.

"Hmm. Agreed." You smirked.

"We can hear you guys, you know." Nikki spoke up and crossed his arms.

                                  ∆

"Is this Mrs. Mars?" The famous lady whom everybody talks about?" Izzy giggled on the phone.

"You are not funny. So, I'm not calling you just for small talk. Do you know anything about Dylan?" You got in the middle.

"Nah...why would I know? Why I supposed to know?" She giggled nervously.

"Don't lie to me, little miss. You know something."

"I don't."

"You do. Literally, I raised you so I know exactly when you are lying, even if I'm not present. So what is it? It's about his job or what?" Dylan's behavior scared the shit out of you. He never hurt you or was angry at you. Like, this angry.

“Err. Dylan will kill me if I tell you."

"Me, too if you won't tell me. Oh for the fuck's sake I will convince him that I forced you." You snapped walking around as the wire let you.

"Sooo... Dylan has been acting strange lately. And on the weekends when I'm at home he is out..quite often. And when I asked him where is he going he just sent me to hell and left the house."

"So he is going to parties?" You raised one of your eyebrows.

"Who are you talking to?" Mick asked who found you after you worried yourself sick about Dylan and searched for a phone to call your sis if she knows anything important.

"Just Izzy." He hugged you from the back and placed a kiss on your shoulder.

"Oh Hey, Mick!" She greeted the guitarist.

"Hello." Mick greeted back.

"So back to the story, please."

“Well, one night I asked my friend to spy a little bit. We followed him to a bar, where he just sat down and drank."

"So that's the big story?"

"No. He drank so much I have never seen anyone drink this much. He was completely unaware of his actions. He almost got into a fight, too." You bit down your lip and started walking again to calm yourself down. You felt Mick's eyes following each of your steps.

"Hmm. And then what happened?" You started playing with the wire of the phone.

"I told my friend to go home and I will handle him. When I approached him he shouted at me and was angry as hell. Although he told me to leave him alone I helped him walk home. We sat down and I forced him to tell me what the fuck is going on with him."

"And?" You were on the edge of crying. You leaned on the wall and shut your eyes. You squeezed your forehead with your fingers.

"I don't know even if I have to tell you this. Or how to say it." Isabelle was insecure about it. She knew that you would freak out, but maybe it was Dylan's only chance to get back to normal.

"Oh come on. If you started then finish it." You yelled on the phone.

"He has problems. Anger problems. Like our dad used to have. And he is coping with it with drinking. After he told me he started crying and shaking. I had no idea this thing could be inherited." Your chest was heavy and tears ran down your cheeks. Mick just looked sorry and he gave you an encouraging smile, not knowing the situation.

"It seems it can." You muttered.

"And he told me that he went out so often because he didn't want to hurt me. He pisses off of the smallest things, well at least that's what he told me. And we both know I can be pretty annoying. Anyway, what made you call me?"

"Because Dylan was here. And he was so outraged. He almost hit poor Mick." He took your hands into his and placed a kiss on it.

"Did he hurt you?" She asked.

"No. Well, he pushed me a little but Tommy caught me. Nothing serious. You know we always did that."

"Yeah, I can remember. You two beat each other like professionals." You smiled from the thought of it.

"Do you have any idea where he can be?"

"Well, there is one place you can find him, now."

                                 ∆

"No way you are going there alone!"

After you hang up with Izzy you told Mick the whole story. He eagerly listened to you patiently while you tried your best not to cry. "You are not even allowed to leave the hospital yet!"

"I will talk to Dr. Prince Charming and finally ask him when can I go. I think they have already done so many tests that I don't have much blood remaining and I feel good, too so it doesn't have any sense to stay here more. And I'm already fed up with this place. I wanna go home...well at least away from here, from these people." You complain Mick the whole thing under one breath. He just rolled his eyes but you hoped he now got it.

"So after you are free to go you really think you can find him?" He asked not believing you.

"Yeah."

"Then I'm coming with you. I won't let you there alone."

"He is my brother. He won't hurt me."

"Hmm. Really? Then he was just joking around yesterday?" He crossed his arms.

"You can be a pain in the ass sometimes, you know that right?" You murmured.

"I know, babe. And that's exactly why you love me." He put his fingers under your chin and kissed you. "Dr. Prince Charming, huh?" He asked a few minutes later.

"Yes. But I'm more like a Dark Knight person." You smiled at him and wiped away his hair from his face and kissed him back.

∆

You were walking down the avenue along with all the boys since they wanted to go to a bar and neither of them wanted to leave you alone with Dylan. You told him you don't need them there because it's family business but they insisted.

"Then please behave, okay? And don't hurt him!" You scolded them but they just laughed.

"Okay, mom." Tommy saluted and looked at you with puppy eyes. Mick let go of your hands while you punched Tommy in the shoulder. While you were beating him, Mick walked farther and stopped in front of a pub. He looked at you and lowered his head.

"What? Oh no." You looked through the glass and then you saw him. Dylan was sitting at the bar and he had a big bottle of Jack Daniel's with him. Half of it already missed and he was pouring more for himself. He looked miserable and he supported his head with his hand. When you wanted to enter, Mick grabbed your hand. "Hmm?"

"Are you sure you want to talk to him...in his condition?" He looked deep in your eyes.

"I'm completely sure." You glared at him, escaping from his grip.

"Then ladies first." He opened the door and put his hand on your back to support, both physically cause your wound still hurt like hell and also emotionally. When you approached him you hesitated. You gave Mick a final look and cleared your throat. You didn't want to scold him why he hadn't told you, just help him handle this situation.

"Khm. Dylan?"

"What do you want?" Well, you were disappointed by this answer, but not surprised. He was devastated.

"Can we talk? Please." You tried to smile but he didn't even look up from his glass. "Dylan, come on. Don't be childish!" You poked his shoulder playfully.

"Me, childish? You are the one talking?" He huffed and pure more whiskey in his glass.

"Why are you doing this?" You asked crossing your arms. You started to get a bit annoyed. Mick pulled you closer to him. Nikki, Tommy, and Vince found a table in the back of the pub but they were all watching the scene.

"What? You tell me." He took a sip from his drink, but as soon as he put it down you took it and the bottle, too.

"Dylan Cooper, at least listen to me while I'm talking to you. And we will talk about whether you like it or not! So you don't have anything to say to me? Why you are drinking like it's the most obvious thing early in the morning?"

"Give it back." He needed the drink. He didn't want to hurt you and it was the only thing that was able to hold him back.

"Answer. Then I will give it back."

"I said GIVE IT BACK!" He shouted and stood up from the chair. His face was inches away and you felt Mick's grip tightening on your hand. The boys were approaching you.

"NO. And don't make a scene. Everybody is watching us."

"I don't give a FUCK if everybody's watching. I give them a show like your new boy does." He turned around and pointed at Mick.

"Leave him out of this! Let's go outside! Please." Finally, you made him come with you and were outside now. The others came along, too looking serious. If it wasn't this situation they might look funny. But this wasn't the time for that.

"So?"

"What do you want to hear? That I'm sorry and I won't do it next time?"

"What are you talking about?"

"That I hurt you. And your new pets come with you to save you from me. From your OWN brother who defended you from your parents and gave you the home you can live in and everything. I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING!" As he let out his anger he started to cry.

"I don't give a damn if you hit me. And don't insult them. I told them to stay at the hotel but they came nevertheless. Please, Dylan, tell me what is going on with you! Let me help you. Please."

"Why are you treating me if I were a little child or a drug addict, huh? Do you treat them like this, too?" He gestured towards the boys.

"We are here and hear everything, you know." Nikki spoke up.

"Yeah man, don't talk about us like this. We have feelings, dude." Tommy added.

"Whatever. So let's make things clear, (Y/N). I don't have any problem and I don't need help. I'm an adult man who does whatever he wants. And if you can't accept it then leave me the hell alone! I don't want to see you or hear from you! Go around and kill yourself if this makes you happy. I don't care." He took a deep breath and walked away.

You heard a sound.

It was your heart. into a million pieces.

Next chapter

Tags: @cmft-jr-winchester @leatherandheels​

Tbh that's not why I originally planned. But that happens when the characters come alive and do whatever the hell they want to do.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel Skin Under A Vanilla Sky prt 30 full draft. Let's launch this chapter into space and forget it exists

Laying on his back, Lance stared up at the roof of the command room of the Telula. How long it'd been since he'd left the Atlas, he had no idea, only that his tears had run dry. Once again he was alone. Once again his heart was broken by the one he'd loved. Only... this time was different. This time there was nothing to live for. Planning a hundred juniper berries wouldn't make Keith come after him. Planting a million wouldn't ease his broken soul. The fragile web of trust they'd spun had been torn to pieces right before his eyes. Keith had not only lied to him, he'd spilled his deepest darkest secrets to his mother. That explained why Krolia hadn't spoken to him before the meeting, she was probably silently judging him, waiting for the right time to admit she'd known he was naive and stupid all along. She couldn't let someone as dirty as him be with her only son. The Galra prided themselves on strength, where as he wasn't even able to make it through most days without something startling or panicking him. What good was he anyway? No one listened. Shiro hadn't wanted to hand over control of the meeting, but he'd taken it away like he deserved a place there, and like he deserved to be telling any of them how to do their jobs. However long he'd been gone, it'd been long enough for his heat to come. Long enough for his body to be screaming out for Keith's touches. His kisses. His soothing scent and warm arms. Keith was always so damn warm. It didn't matter what he'd thrown at him, Keith's arms were always welcoming and loving for him. His soft lips pressing kissing to Lance's temple, with nibble fingers carefully stroking his hair. Keith's touches had been his everything. Only his hold felt right against Lance's broken and battered body. Keith had moulded him into something more than he had been. And now when he reached out his hand, there was no one there. The only person he could blame was himself. With the engines running on 15 per cent power, his comms were off, the navigation system was off, leaving the space around him silent. He only needed enough power for gravity and life support. Letting his ship drift, he hadn't checked his position in vargas, perhaps quintants. He'd vaguely remembered pointing his ship towards his usual hunting grounds after messaging Shiro, Daehra, Th'al and his mother so she wouldn't kick up a fuss over his sudden disappearance. She'd fussed way too much over him as it was, so he'd been the perfect son and lied through his teeth over how "nice and quiet life was", and how "risk free" his job was. Yeah. It fucking hurt to lie, but what exactly could he say? Groaning heavily Lance rolled to his side, the view just as unappealing. When he could bothered moving his sticky body from the floor, he'd find a rebel camp to drop the Telula at. It held everyone's personal belongings, something he didn't think about when he'd bolted. All he'd wanted to do was put as much distance between him and Keith. Maybe if they'd talked before, he might have been able to find some way to understand... but he'd opened up to him. He'd let him in. He'd let Keith infect him, change him... rescue him. He didn't want to go back to step one. Not again... He didn't want his nightmares back. He didn't want to wake up alone, or huddled in the corner of the room bleeding with no memory of how he got there. How could he be with Keith after he broke his trust? He'd told Keith he'd needed honesty. Keith who gave him everything else, but the one thing that his broken mind needed. They'd had sex. He'd opened up... literally. Perhaps it wouldn't have stung so badly if it hadn't happened on the heels of that night. * Keith's scent haunted him. The whole ship seemed infected by it. More often than not he'd turned to look to Keith, only to find Allura in his place. He didn't miss Allura. Each conversation he had with her reminds her that she was only a hallucination, and an annoying one at that. Lance couldn't say he'd done a good job of reestablishing himself. His injections were all over the place. His stomach was only accepting minimal amounts of food, and his period hadn't come yet though he felt bloated as hell. Yet he wasn't able to find the effort to care. Keith was gone. Even if he was to turn his ship around and fly back to the Atlas, Keith would have realised by now how much hard work he'd been, and how far Lance had dragged him down. Naturally the pain hadn't passed. The tiny flicker of hope left him unable to wash Keith's scent off his pillows. He missed him. He missed so quiznakking much that his mother would have beaten him black and blue for the number of times he'd cursed the universe for giving him Keith. Wherever he was, Lance hopes he was safe. He hoped that Keith wasn't doing something reckless, or impulsive. That he'd been able to get Lance'a point across in regards to tracking down those responsible for all the disappearances near Ghazex. Lance wished he had the courage to go running back to Keith, but he was so ashamed of how things had played out. He'd shown enough of his shameful sides to Keith... but left alone in this self imposed solitude... he couldn't help but want Keith by his side even if it was to say goodbye. Landing on the far side of Sucrulia, it wasn't Lance's favourite place in this sector of space, but it was the place he was to rendezvous with Th'al at her request. The place was almost all sand and rocky outcrops that reminded him far too much of that shack Keith called home, even the colours were more Earthy than a lot of places out there. No one was around for miles, given this was the desert side of the planet, so until Th'al arrived all he had for company were a few tumbleweeds and a whole lot of creepy purple looking cacti, that were the only unEarth like things there. The other side of Sucrulia was lush, there were ports all along the coast line trading in all kinds of exotic herbs, and spices, and the whole feel of the place was like the golden days of piracy on Earth. That's why they were meeting in the middle of the stupid desert. No one from the other side of the planet came here. No on from the other side of the planet could get out here without the use of a ship. A thick valley of sharp obsidian waiting to murder anyone stupid enough to attempt their way through. Lance had a stupid plan. A very stupid plan, and Th'al was key to it. She'd been pissed to all quiznakkary when he'd suddenly reached out after a phoeb out of contact. It'd been risky firing up his comms, but he'd wasted a whole phoeb without accomplishing anything other than drifting in space, lazily patrolling between bouts of self loathing and remembering he was technically wanted man so had to lay low... not that really stopped him. He couldn't stop his whole life just because he'd been kicked to the curb again. A revelation that'd come after a tremendous amount of self wallowing, tears and Keith's pillows. Lance hadn't been able to bring himself to evict them into the vacuum of space. Th'al kept him waiting for a while quintant. By the time the female bounty hunter showed up, the cacti population had diminished slightly thanks to boredom and his favourite blaster, many now sporting smiley faces that didn't make them any less creepy. Landing her pod next to the Telula, Th'al was just as intimidating as he remembered. Her dark hair pulled into a tight bun, that reminded him of his third grade teacher who'd reduced him to tears over his English, as she strode down her pods loading ramp with her blaster raised in his direction. Raising his hands as if he was actually surrendering, Lance hung his head as she started to scold him. It wasn't like he Th'al were best buddies, they were simply both in the same line of work and had similar ideas on not killing each other over a bounty "What the stars, Leandro! What did you do this time? Daehra was blowing up my comms. Something about you upsetting the Atlas? And why would you return out here? Were you born stupid?" "The jury's still out on that one" "Of all the stupid things you could do. Do you know the Atlas is on the move? There's been talk of Blades being sighted" Great. Shiro hadn't listened, or he'd opted to listen to Keith over Lance and now they were invading his space and threatening the undercover mission Lance had strategised for himself. He needed to get back out to the outpost, and what better way than to be escorted by a hunter handling a bounty? If Keith were there with him, the half-Galra would have already lost his shit over it and deemed it all an unnecessary risk. Then probably would have told him he loved him and fretted over Lance getting himself chopped into tiny pieces, something Lance didn't particularly want to happen but when your heart's just been broken all over again, you don't exactly care for you own wellbeing. "I told them not to interfere. I even gave them a full briefing over how coming out to our little corner would only make things worse. So you can't pin all of this on me. Besides, it's not like I actually wanted to go back to the Atlas..." "Yeah. Yeah. I don't need to hear your life story. I still think this plan of yours is weak" That's because it was "Aw, Th'al. This is why you're still single. I'll have you know my life story is far more interesting than you could ever imagine" Raising her blaster to line the shot up, Lance snorted at his friend "You can shoot me if it'll make you feel better, but I've got a full suit on under these clothes" "Dammit. Fine. Whatever. Don't think I won't shoot you in the foot the moment you get annoying" "I know you will. Are we good to go?" "Of course we are. I'm not some amateur like you are. I've messaged Daehra over the Telula. Thanks for that by the way, she's been blowing up my comms trying to find out if you're alright" "You know how she gets. And you know I needed to lay low. We should probably get out of here if you've already messaged her. The Blade members she's with have an annoying tendency of sticking their noses in where they're not needed or wanted" Glaring at him, Lance was on thin ice when it came to Th'al's patience. Moving to walk past her, he was grateful that she didn't shoot in the foot just yet, though he was sure her desire was strong. With the pod being on the small side, Lance set himself up in the passenger seat of it with a spare holopad while Th'al piloted the ship away from the Telula. Activating his girl's shields remotely, it was a weight off his shoulders to know that everyone would be getting their personal belongings back sooner rather than later. He'd even triple checked that she was in perfect running order for when his team arrived to retrieve her. They'd probably be annoyed that he wasn't there, but this mission needed to come before all the craziness of his private life, and he needed someone more objective than his team to assist in it. They cared too much. They'd blame themselves if something was to happen, which he couldn't be responsible for. No matter what happened the fall out needed to land his shoulders alone. Th'al would leave him if worst came to worse. She'd take her pod and flee before the first shot was even fired. That's what he needed. None of this self sacrifice bullshit. Tapping his fingers against the holopad, he felt something light hit him in the side of the head "Stop tapping so loudly" "I'm not tapping loudly" "If I can hear you, you're tapping too loud" Rolling his eyes, Lance tried to play off the panic that formed at the unexpected strike. He could deny it until he was blue in the face, but without Keith there, his nerves were a fucking mess "I'm sorry. I'm just checking the area. I haven't been able to with everyone deciding they suddenly needed to come after me. I didn't want the data signal registering too close the Telula" "If you hadn't got yourself into this mess, than none of this would have happened" "I know. But on the plus side, when you hand me in you'll have enough money to do... whatever it is you do" Waving his hand, Th'al simply ignored the gesture to continue in the same flat tone "This is true. And I won't have to hear your voice... It almost makes me wish I could wormhole straight there" Huffing at Th'al, it'd be easy for an outsider to think that she truly did hate him, and wasn't secretly a softie under all her creepy armour. He'd seen the glittery blankets and soft toys on her bed, plus anything strawberry from Earth turned her into a mess of love and compliments. Not that they actually got their hands on Earth rations that often. She liked Erathus even less than he did "You're so mean. You're picking on me without even letting me know how your side of the mission went" "What's to let you know? You changed your strategy. That boyfriend of yours got into your head and now you're being stupid again" "Keith isn't my boyfriend" "Mhmm. He's out here. They say that there's going to be a meeting between the Galra, that Earth crew and the head of the police, and government on Erathus" Lance's eyes widened, gaping as he looked to Th'al. This wasn't what he wanted at all. There could be nothing good from a meeting like that... He'd fucking told them. His voice higher than normal as he squeaked "What? Are you joking!? Please Th'al, tell me that you're joking" Laughing happily, Th'al was a bitch "Your face was priceless. How would I know what's happening over there? I was busy thanks to some dumbarse dropping off the universe for movements" Oh thank god for that. Even as a joke, that was fucking cruel. If anything happened to the others, he'd never forgive himself... especially Hunk and Shay. He hadn't even stayed at their damn engagement party, too busy being coddled by Keith... Fuck... If anything happened to Keith because he'd run off... that... he couldn't survive that. Keith was doing so much good in the universe, or he had been until Lance had waylaid his plans and forced him to run off with him "Don't worry. The Atlas isn't really out here. Blade members are though. Been asking rebel camps if they've seen you" Lance scowled hard, realising she'd read him like a book and played him harder than Pidge going at Killbot Phantasm 1. Maybe he should have ejected himself into space while he'd had the chance. It'd be less painful than knowing Th'al could see right through him "You've been fucking with me from the moment you landed, haven't you?" Shooting fucking fingerguns at him, Th'al smirked. Fucking fingerguns. That was his thing! "Yep. Consider it payback for being a little bitch" "You're the bitch. Are you serious about the Blades being out here?" "Yep. Worried your little boyfriend is going to get himself into trouble?" "Keith isn't my boyfriend. And I seriously thought he was smarter than this. This isn't a fucking game" "Daehra said "he's been quite upset since you left". Should I pretend to care and ask what happened?" God. Keith... He could be so stupidly bullheaded. He'd nearly gotten himself killed trying to recover Shiro from Kuron... and then there was that time that Matt told them about, when the dickhead tried to get himself killed. Thanks to Th'al, his heart was beating way too fast, a thick heavy weight sitting in the bottom of his stomach, which might have something to do with the bloating "Nope. You can sit there and shut up" "Someone's sensitive. Have it your way then, "Loverboy Leandro"" Without Th'al bitching at him, Lance's stupid mind had decided to fixate on Keith. The harder he tried to pay attention to the holopad, the more he found he couldn't. His own holopad was on the Telula, he hadn't been able to delete the photos of him and Keith on it, instead he'd wrapped it and left it with a note to Keith. It wasn't exactly hard to lose focus on his mission. He'd be going in alone, before Th'al sent word out. His injection schedule was gone. His mask was gone. His ship was gone. His accidental husband was gone. Their relationship was over but that didn't mean Keith wasn't at the forefront of his thoughts. If he could stop whoever was behind this, Keith wouldn't even need to be involved. Keith would be safe... so would the others, but... Fuck.... he was hopelessly and thoroughly miserable without Keith and his stupid not-mullet. Hearing that Keith was worried about him wasn't exactly surprising, for a while he'd kind of been worried about himself too, but the voices in the back of his mind were quick to speak up. Quick to remind him how fast fucking weak and useless he was, and that he had no right feeling all warm and glowy over Keith when he'd been the one to walk out on the half-Galra. Still, he was only kind of human and a slave to the emotions that Keith had pretty much ripped back up to the surface. He couldn't even fall back to his doses because not a single loose pill, or untainted vial remained in his room, Daehra and Keith had got to them all. Settling in for a long trip, it proved to be just that. Th'al was far more stubborn than him, the woman keeping her silence purely to prove she could, leading to an exceptionally long trip because two could play that game and his Mumma didn't raise no quitter. * Using Zac's program to charter the magnetic fields, the outpost was unfortunately still standing. A dozen half face masked, full rest armour, armed officers were standing near the area landing for the outpost as Th'al landed her ship, Lance half tempted to make a joke over the welcome party, but he had the feeling it'd fall flat between himself and Th'al. Their silence had lasted until Th'al accidentally broke it by cursing her communicator when it started to ring. She hadn't liked losing to him in the slightest, much like Rachel when it came to pretty much everything, yet unlike Rachel Th'al had been allowed to shoot him in both the leg and shoulder with her blaster. Only grazing shots for the sake of appearances, but enough for him to nearly lose control of his emotions. Still, he wondered if he should find it strange that the two blast shots hadn't affected him as badly as when she'd punched him in the face to split his lip and blackened his eye. He'd very nearly panicked himself into oblivion when she'd touched him. His stupid healing was already taking care of the wounds too fast, not that it dulled the pain. His body much more astute to pain now that his medication had been adjusted, and he couldn't simply get high to mask the symptoms. Dressed in his bloodied civilian clothes, there was no point wearing a body suit into the outpost. One of the first things they'd do would be check him for weapons, tracking devices and recording devices. As a "prisoner" he needed to look like he'd put up the fight of his life. Going in unarmed, and armour free... Keith would kill him. So it was a good thing he actually wasn't. The cuffs around his wrists weren't actually fixed in place, a small canister on sleeping gas hidden in the locking mechanism. The insertion of the metal key would shatter the thin glass encasing the gas. Th'al had been holding out on him for the whole damn trip, springing her invention on him quite proudly as she slapped them around his wrists. There wasn't enough gas to knock out a crowd, but one or two Galra on the other hand... He literally couldn't wait to try it out, the potential applications if they could mount it to his suit would be just too good, or if he hollowed out rounds in a more traditional gun... so maybe he hadn't thought that one through, but the potential applications. It all came back to those two words... and the whole surviving what came next thing. The way he figured it, Th'al had already posted she'd claimed the bounty and was delivering him personally on the hunter boards. She'd waited until the last moment to do so to prevent anyone coming after them, plus his time dated beaten and bloodied face photograph proved she'd "subdued" him, and indeed had had held him in her custody. Giving him one final look over, Th'al aimed her blaster at him "Right. Out you get, time to stop bleeding on the floor of my pod" This was Th'al speak for "I've done a damn good job, but I'd like to leave in one piece so I need you off my pod before they decide to just blow us up. Every offence meant" "Thanks for this" Th'al frowned at him "I don't know if you should be thanking me. I'm about to deliver you to your death" "I'm not going to die here. You know the plan" "I know you're a fool. Relying on the gas to knock them out, then taking their weapons... What if they don't touch the cuffs?" "Then I'll smack them against a wall or their faces..." "Leandro..." She really must think he was going to die because she'd never given him such a concerned look as she was right now. Softening his features, Lance let out a soft sigh. Why did people always have to go and get emotional at all the wrong times? "Th'al. We've come this far. I can't let this continue happening. What if you're taken? What if it was your friends and family? They took my friend, they killed another... Now Earth is involved... I can't let people keep getting hurt. For our little space in the universe, I need to do this" "You're a fool" "Yeah. A stubborn idiot who's a bit of a dick. That's what my husband would say..." Th'al widened at his soft confession. Lance hadn't meant to let it slip... or maybe he had. He was hurting and all he wanted was Keith to be safe, so that not all of this was for nothing "You're married?" "To Keith... By accident on Daehra's planet. He broke my heart but I can't stand the idea of him ending up to chopped into pieces and left out here. So I need to do this, and I'm going to do this. Let's head down before they storm the ship and arrest you for being an accomplice instead of a delivery woman" With Th'al's blaster against his back, Lance hunched his shoulders and kept his head down, being the best battered prisoner he could. Normally a bounty hunter would sign their catch over to the authorities, or on personal delivery, they'd escort their catch in and sign over rights. That wasn't quite how it played out. Reaching the small army waiting for him, a large outpost officer grabbed him by the hair, bending his throat back as he was gut punched for his trouble. Gritting his teeth, Lance received a second blow for not crying out like they wanted "I'll be taking my payment before you kill the merchandise" Four of the men behind the one holding him up by his hair raised their weapons towards Th'al. Th'al moving away from him as she aimed her blaster. The man holding him growling "I suggest you leave before we arrest you" "I demand my bounty. I acquired the target" Pulling his blaster from his hip, Lance felt his hair being torn before he was stumbling sideways and landing on his knees painfully, the man holding him activating the blaster into its extended form "Leave" "Fuck this" Raising her blaster and her free hand, Th'al stepped back "Expect to hear from Erathus. This is not how business is conducted" Glancing between the men with weapons aimed, the man who'd just made the silent threat to shoot her, and Lance, Lance gave Th'al a tiny nod. Knowing her she'd find a way to still get paid. No one would take a bounty if they weren't going to get paid, especially over such a large sum. Lance was personally more concerned with her getting out of there alive... And not taking another blow to the gut in case they broke the vial in his cuffs before their group was down to a more manageable number. Still on his knees, he watched as Th'al jogged up the ramp to her pod... oooooh fuck... they were actually doing this now. Better late than never with the panic, but not at all would have been preferred... He was seasoned professional... his mother was going to slap him senseless with her slipper when she found out "It's a little late for panic. You made a mistake coming here" The clicheness of the man's line almost made brought a smile to Lance's lips. Bad guys were stupid. They were always stupidly stupid... Lance kind of missed the organise mess of murder that was the Galra... almost... maybe just Zarkon. At least had a reason for being a bad guy "Technically, that's still to be de..." Smacking him in the jaw with the butt of the blaster, Lance flinched as he bit the inside of his cheek "Did I say you can speak?" Spitting out the bloodied salvia gathering in his mouth, Lance continued "... cided. Now, take me to your leader?" "I... what... shut up. You're in no position to be making demands" "Idiot says what?" "Huh? What did you say?" Eh. It was close enough. Smirking to himself, Lance was smacked in the face with the butt of the blaster again. Losing his balance, Lance's hands went out to stop himself from ending up on his side, his cuffs no longer protected... The Cuban not thinking about how fragile fingers were until the man in charge brought his boot down on them, Lance howling in agony as the digits on his left crunched, the unprotected skin tearing as they broke, the officer taking an extra few ticks to relish the pain he was causing before finally releasing Lance's almost disfigured hand. Being down a hand hadn't been part of his plan... "Take him inside. Make sure you lock this thing up properly. They want it in one piece" "Aw. Don't you fella's know how to make a man feel special" was what Lance wanted to say. Actually anything quick and witty would have been better than the weak whine he let out as two hulking officers hefted him up. Between everything done to him within the last varga, his felt physically drained beyond words, leaving him limp as they started to drag him towards the entrance to the facility. If someone wanted him in one piece, then they wouldn't in a rush to murder him right away... Maybe his plan wasn't all rubbish? This unseen person who wanted him alive could hold all the answers to everything that had been happening in his area of space. Who they were and what they wanted... he couldn't even imagine. They had to be both rich and connected to run an operation like they had been for so long under the radar. Plus, they had to come from a long bloodline or they'd never have been able to inject themselves into the Erathus terraforming without raising suspicion. People couldn't simply turn up and build a city like the Erathian capital if no one out there knew of their family name. There were thousands of people involved in creating and building a city. The level of corruption in Erathus meant having people in every aspect with their ears to the ground, or they'd miss the pulse of the people. Government and police industry infiltration were basic entry level aspects when it came to low income earners, but when it came to the ambassador and police chief... yeah. Someone big had to be out there. Quietly proud of the scorch marks on the walls left behind from their last visit, Lance kept his mouth shut and forced himself to breathe through his nose. If he could have, he'd have bitten the inside of his cheek to keep from talking, but that would only make his aching mouth feel worse. As it was, his mouth tasted strongly of blood. The unwelcome irony coppery tang sliding down the back of his throat, while his bloodied face assaulted his sense of smell for a largely unappealing situation. He was practically suffocating on it all, his lungs screaming at him to open his mouth and gasp down air, but there was no way in quiznak he was giving his captors the joys of his suffering further than he already had. He was Leandro, and he had a job to do. Reaching the cells of the outpost, the room was dull. They'd stopped to throw him through the scanners, take the usual photos, then straight through with no actual paperwork being done. A single red circular light sat above the doorway of the hallway to connected the two areas smoothly. On both sides of the hall were seven barred cells. Prisoners needed no privacy, and once they were locked in, officers didn't particularly care if they inmates killed each other through the bars, as long as they made the effort to look like they considered prisoner safety. Feeling his feet tangle as tried to stand him up, Lance managed to trip despite being in their hold. Angered at the accidental action, the man to his left jabbed him hard in the ribs, causing him to momentarily lose his breath as the man to the right ignored his coworkers antics in favour of dragging Lance further forward. Making it to the end of the hall, Lance could barely see any of the red glow that shone lazily over the first few cells. Somewhere in the distance was a steady kind of dripping, and as far as he could tell there were no windows. With the man to his right releasing him, it took the stranger a few ticks to open the old fashioned lock for the cell door. Old fashioned key locks were only susceptible to lock picking if you could access the face which you couldn't here due to the size of the bar gaped, and by being quiznakking ancient it prevented hacking programs from hidden technology. It was brilliant really. Lance was always all for giving credit where it was due, and this definitely deserved a small clap. Opening without a creak the bars were clearly heavy as evidenced by how much force needed to be applied to get the damn door to move. The officer had to release him completely, push on the door and fight to hold it open as he looked to his teammate. Giving the officer a nod, Lance was propelled forward into the near blind darkness of the space, both officers clearing the cell doorway before the door boomed shut in a way he wasn't ashamed to admit turned his knees to jelly "Any funny business and we will slit your throat" There might have been men on both sides of him, and another four following their trip as they walked painfully slow, but what were all six of them going to do? He only had so much area around his throat. Lance didn't imagine them being the kind to wait so everyone could take a turn "Perfect prisoner. Scouts honour and all that. Thanks for the room guys. Love the uh... darkness. Right. I'll just be here. You guys do your job" Watching as they left, Lance finally allowed himself to grimace as the door closed. Shaking his aching fingers, he screamed as hand landed on his blasted shoulder. Flinching and ducking away, he raised his bound hands somewhat pathetically. The most he could do was bleed on his assailant "Shut up you, idiot!" "Keith!..." With wide eyes, Lance blinked half a dozen times hoping Keith would vanish like a hallucination "...Oh...no... what are you doing here?!" Crossing his arms, Keith didn't look terribly impressed. Probably because Lance had groaned out the second part of his sentence, and the cuffs Keith were wearing didn't really allow him to cross his arms properly "What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" What the... hold up. What? Why was Keith here? He was supposed to be off with the others... and not taken into captivity by the bad guys "Me?! What am I doing here?! This is my mission, Keith!" "Your mission?! You disappeared!" "I didn't disappear. I left. And now you're not supposed to be here... you're complicating things" Throwing his hands up, Keith sounded... snarky and pissy in a way that was kind of hot. Turning, Keith paced a few steps away before turning back to him "I'm complicating things? I thought you'd been taken! I've been looking for you for movements! And are you bleeding? Why are you always bleeding?! Didn't we talk about this? About all of this and agree that you were going to be careful? How did you even get here? Did you fly here?" Keith was going to get them both killed... these cells were probably bugged... "Of course I'm bleeding, my friend betrayed me, shot me and hauled my arse out here" "God! This is why I can't take my eyes off you! Do you even have a plan?" "Of course I do... did... do you have to keep yelling a me?!" "Yes! Do you have any idea how worried I was about you!" "You were worried! I was worried! This is the last place I wanted you to end up! What would you have done if they'd chopped you up, Keith?! Huh?" "I don't know! What would you have done if you ended chopped up?!" Lance spluttered. He was the one in the right here, not his idiot husband who wasn't supposed to be here! He wasn't emotionally ready for any of this! He was supposed to find someway to keep Keith safe... not be stuck in a near black cell with his husband! This was not the plan. This was not the plan at all! "I have a plan, dumb arse! I'm not about to... Quiznak, Keith... you... gargh!" Lance went to throw his own hands in the air before remembering the cuffs... and the very broken hand. Still, his hands went up enough to make him yelp, Lance losing his train of thought as Keith strode over to him. Reaching for his hand, Lance jerked back instinctively. Ignoring the action, Keith's fingers gently slipped under his broken own. The touch sending Lance into a damn near panic attack at the pain, both also with the warmth and comfort it brought. He didn't want Keith locked up in here with him, but after everything, the idiot had come after him. Keith had come after him... and while he was still mad, Keith wasn't dead. Lifting his hand, Keith turned it slightly to examine the skin, Lance assuming it was something Galrary inside his accidental husband that allowed him to see better than he currently could "What the quiznak is this?" "Broken hand... pretty much the only thing not going to plan... other than you know, my fucking husband showing up. Seriously... why Keith?" Keith ignored his question to growl out a question of his own "They broke your hand?" His broken hand? Keith was getting stuck on that? Keith didn't get to ask questions. He wasn't supposed to be here... so why was Lance letting himself be drawn in by him? Why did he feel slightly happy that Keith was angered over his injury? Right. Had to be the blow to face... maybe triggering that bit of brain damage...? He was mad at him. Mad... "Yeah... busted my mouth up too..." Yep. Totally mad at Keith... "Quiznak, Lance... Here. Come here, there's a bed thing at the back of the cell" And now he was following Keith to the back of the cell... Stupid traitorous emotions. He didn't need being fussed over by Keith. No matter how goddamn relieved he was to see and smell him again. Keith had shown up and derailed his mission. He only had a tiny bit of gas. He didn't have a suit. He couldn't protect Keith when things went down. He couldn't even protect him by leaving him, Keith's presence made that obvious. "Lance?" Standing in front of the thin cot, Lance realised Keith was waiting for him to sit down. It was almost like Lance was a completely different person. He didn't know how to think, feel or act around Keith now. He couldn't just laugh everything off. He couldn't crack a joke because Keith would see right through that "Do you need help?" "I can sit on my own, Mullet" "Then sit down. Let me look at your hand... I can't believe they broke it" "I can't believe you can't believe it..." Yeah. His brain damage was definitely in play here because even he was wincing at his own failed jokey tone. A joke he'd told himself wouldn't work. Quiznak. He was going to have to sit... which he did with a long groan. Everything hurt now that the weight was off his feet "... I'm fine. I'll heal..." "You're not fine. I can't believe your here... you weren't supposed to be here" If Keith was looking for a fight, the best Lance could manage was a mental shin kick "Like you were..." "You were missing. You left the Atlas and dropped into nothingness. I searched everywhere for you! Daehra and Lucteal talked to some friend of yours who said you were ok, then the next time they talked you were missing. Do you know how worried I've been?" "I wasn't missing. I was on the Telula" "Which wasn't out here? A whole phoeb Lance... I spent a whole phoeb thinking... thinking you were already dead... thinking the last thing between us was me breaking your trust because I'm a fucking coward" That wasn't playing fair. It was even less fair when Keith crouched down in front of him, sniffling softly as the smell of wet pine mulch met Lance's nose. Frankly he was kind of amazed he could smell anything other than blood after being hit so damn hard. Keith was crying. He wasn't allowed to cry... and now Lance was tearing up. A feared bounty hunter and the prince of Daibazaal crying in an outpost cell sounded worse than a bad joke "Keith, don't cry..." "How can I not?! Do you know how many times I've thought about you? How many times I... I know I should have told you, but at first I was scared and then I... didn't think about it. I didn't mean to tell her, you know I didn't. I wouldn't do that to you..." "Mullet, you need to calm down. Everything is being recorded right now... they're not going to lock us up without recording what we do and say. Sit down properly and take a breath... and be careful with my hands" Keith let out a shaky hiccup before sitting, resting his forehead against Lance's thigh as he shook his head "How are you so calm right now? They broke your fucking hand... and some arsehole shot you..." "I'm not calm at all. You're simply panicking enough for the both of us. Plus, it really fucking hurts to talk, but I did have a plan, and I didn't plan to never come back from this hellhole. I know you probably want to break out right now, but you need to trust me Keith" "I do trust you... I've always trusted you" "Good... don't touch my cuffs. My hands hurt. Now what we're going to do is sit and wait. You know I have those freaky healing powers, so I'm going to get both us out of here when the time is right. Understood?" "I... yeah. My team knows I'm here... does... I..." Keith was such a mess he was talking way too much. Lance wasn't so cold hearted that he'd kick him even further when he was this down... but he did need him to be the more rational one until he'd started healing "Keith. We're being recorded. Now isn't the time to be discussing this. I need you to pull yourself together again, and man up. The bed isn't much but it'll have to do. You need to get some rest, and so do I. All of this other stuff can wait for now" "I... yeah. Your right. I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry" "I don't know if I've forgiven you or not, but I'm not letting either of us die before we can talk about this. So come up here and sit next to me, or you can take the bed and I'll take the floor. They're waiting for someone to arrive..." "I thought they were waiting for you" "Unfortunately I'm not the last guest to the party" Keith let out a little snort, leaning back to wipe at his face as he did, or at least that was what Lance gathered he was going. He couldn't see jack shit in the dark "Did I ever tell you how much I fucking hate parties?" Keith's voice sounded slightly lighter, more hopeful. Like he was starting to pull himself from his slump "Maybe once or twice?" "Good. Good... as long as you know" "I think the whole universe knows. I know things look like quiznak right now, but we're going to be ok. I promise I'm going to get you back to Kosmo" "And I'm going to get you back to... me?" Nudging Keith with his boot, Lance permitted himself the tiniest of smiled at the thought "Maybe. We will be talking about this. All of this. I think you're dick for getting caught, but I'm struggling to think of anyone else I'd like to be held prisoner with... Now I'm going to get some rest. You should do the same. I have the feeling this is all coming to ahead and we're about to learn what all of this has been about"

[mikeshanlon]

he’s all that: chapter two

fandom: it

pairing: reddie (richie tozier/eddie kaspbrak)

word count: 5k

one | on ao3

summary:

Richie smiled smugly, “You’ve got spunk Kaspbrak. I like that.”

“Why don’t you try shutting the fuck up Tozier,” Eddie retorted as the line moved forward, “So what is this, if not some ploy to get me to tutor you? Some sort of dork outreach program? Because I’m not interested.”

—

Or: The one where Richie Tozier has six weeks to get into a relationship and make someone fall for him. Only problem? That someone is the anxiety ridden, goody two shoes Eddie Kaspbrak, and he can’t even stand to be in the same room as Richie.

warnings: there is drug use in that bev/mike/richie are HUGE stoners. also this chapter there is mentions to maggie being an alcoholic. 

a/n: hey! decided to post two weeks in a row just to get the ball rolling (which is why i still dont have all the chapters figured out as promised, my apologies). i'll probably start the every other week thing for next update (so chapter three should be up by march 4th). i would try to do every week but im a college student who has Stuff to do and also makes gifs and im horrible at finishing my writing so, giving myself a realistic deadline that will still hopefully produce quality work. anyways, richie and eddie finally interact this chapter! it's.......................  a bit messy though. and we get to see the rest of the losers club in this one too. 

tag list:  @richietoaster, @wintersember, @howellhxlic, @ed-txzier, @clara-farl3y

After standing in the hallway arguing with Bev for ten minutes, (“I mean really Bevs, fuck!” “You said anyone.” “How do we even know he’s gay?!” “Richie, please.”) Richie resigned himself to the fact that he was going to find some way to charm Eddie. Maybe Beverly would let him borrow that spellbook she bought junior year when she had become obsessed with witchcraft and hexing the patriarchy.

Once school was finally over, Richie dropped off Mike at his farm per usual, ranting about the bet the whole ride over. The farm boy nodded along, but he knew the words ‘told you so’ sat on the tip of his tongue.  

They pulled up to his house, the engine idling so he wouldn’t have to spend time getting it to start again, “Don’t wait up for me tonight if you wanna smoke. Got lotsa research in store,” Richie said as Mike grabbed his backpack and got out of the car.

Mike raised a brow, leaning into the passenger window (which in its broken state always stayed down), “I’m surprised Rich. You never do your homework.”

“Homework shmomwork,” he tapped the end of his cigarette out the window before taking another drag, “Gotta figure out what little ol’ Edward likes. Time for some deep dark internet exploration.”

“Ah, you’re gonna stalk him. Wasting time on social media does sound much more in character,” Mike smiled.

“It’s not a waste Mikey darlin’, a shit ton of preemo dank is on the line.”

The other boy laughed and shook his head, “Godspeed Tozier.”

Richie saluted Mike as he reversed out back to the main road, Bigmouth Strikes Again blasting on the old car radio.

He weaved through the streets filled with kids walking home or trying to find something to do in this shit-hole town. Long afternoons spent at The Aladdin watching the newest releases or aggressively slamming his fingers down on his favorite game at the arcade came to mind; along with going out of his way to bother just about everyone in his path. Richie never really had many friends when he was younger, spending most of his time alone. He was grateful he crossed paths with Bev and Mike, to fate, luck, God if it existed. The universe was rarely kind to him, but finding them was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Plus, the first time he had smoked weed, but that was with them too.

Turning onto his street, Richie pulled up to the unsuspecting two-story white house. It was straight out of a handbook on the American Dream; but the closer one looked, the imperfections started to appear.

The box overflowing with bottles once filled with alcohol next to the recycling bin, which was already too full with more empty bottles. A crooked ‘Home Sweet Home’ sign by the front door. Dying grass, overgrown and conquered with the little weeds Richie used to make wishes on before blowing the seeds into the summer air (I wish for friends. I wish for better parents. I wish to be loved).

He parked the station wagon on the curb, saving the space next to his Mom’s car for his father.

Maggie’s car hadn’t been driven in months (years?), and Richie absently wondered if it would even work anymore. It was nice, a decent heater and it drove well, at least it did when she had bothered to drop him off at school as a kid. Despite her general lack of care for the wellbeing of others, Mrs. Tozier did not drink and drive. Meaning, she didn’t drive at all, as she was drunk off her ass most of the time.

Richie grabbed his books from the backseat and clambered out, fumbling to find his house key among the mess of weird keychains he bought while high.

He didn’t bother stating his presence, even as a pretense, giving up the habit long ago.

Maggie Tozier sat outside, her back facing the screen door in the kitchen. A cigarette rested from her fingertips, and Richie wasn’t sure if she was actually smoking it or just watching it burn. Of course, her other hand gripped a bottle of beer, and a wine cooler sat at her feet.

Richie scoffed and bounded up the stairs to his room, a ‘KEEP OUT’ sign and band posters adorning the door.

It was often said that one’s room reflected who they were as a person, and Richie was no exception. That is, to say, his room was an absolute fucking mess. His bed was never made, and clothes and knick knacks littered the floor (he had already tripped over some beat up sneakers as he walked in). Old mugs, comics, a lava lamp, lotion, and an ashtray Bev had made him in ceramics sat on his bedside table (read: an old wooden apple carton). The only thing that he kept clear was his record player and vinyls at the edge of the bed, which were meticulously organized.

He tossed his notebooks on his desk, alongside stolen pens, his laptop, and his bong. If his parents actually fucking talked to him he would bother to hide his shit, but it didn’t really matter.

Picking up his laptop and its charger, Richie was on his way out again. He could stay home to conduct his research, but he hated the stuffiness and how lifeless the house felt. It wasn’t really even a home, at least not his. Plus, coffee. It was a necessity, especially for the amount of bullshit he’d have to go through just for the tiny brat.

Richie drove to the Starbucks on Main and Belmont, strolling up to barista and ordering his usual: venti quadruple-shot, black. While he often gorged himself on sweets, his need for caffeine could only be sated by the purest form the coffeeshop could offer.

Per usual, the barista gave him a look, “You sure?”

“Listen, I’ve already made a shit ton of horrible decisions today. Trust me, this is not the worst of them,” Richie answered, sliding the cash across the counter

She raised her brows but said nothing else, handing him the change.

He set up shop at a table by the window in the back, away enough from the other patrons. Most of the time Richie threw caution to the wind, but he figured it would suspicious if someone saw him furiously stalking someone who looked like they hadn’t even graduated from middle school.

After retrieving his coffee, opening his MacBook, and plugging his headphones in, Richie scoured Instagram first. ‘Eddie.k’ didn’t post much, mostly some artsy photos, including ones of Bill and Stanley Uris (their other best friend). There were only one or two selfies, much to Richie’s disappointment. Eddie wasn’t actually too bad looking if you ignored his clothes, his hair, his… everything. Freckles dusted his face, concentrated around his little nose, a few on his lips. Cute lips. Cute cheeks. He had the urge to pinch them. But Jesus, that combover. What was he, a balding man in the 80’s?

Other than those pictures, Eddie hadn’t really posted to Instagram in months. He moved onto  his tagged photos. They had some more substance, although Eddie had pretty much only been tagged in pictures by Bill and Stan. It wasn’t like Richie wasn’t in the same boat of having only a few close friends, but at least he hung out with other people.

For the most part, the pictures were pretty normal, the three of them hanging out. Richie couldn’t help but snort at a picture of the three, presumably after a sleepover. They looked exhausted, hair messy, and were brushing their teeth. Pretty mundane, but Eddie had pulled a ridiculous face in the mirror. It was silly, but Richie hadn’t even thought Eddie was capable of making jokes or doing weird shit. The fucker was always uptight, serious even when they had a substitute. Unsurprisingly, Eddie did not appreciate the post.

eddie.k: literally stan delete this!!!!!!

stantheman: @eddie.k, sorry sweatie (:

Richie grinned and continued to scroll, stopping at a picture of Eddie lying down on the grass, laughing. He wore a red tracksuit, the one students wore to P.E. when the bitter chill of autumn came to Derry. His hair must’ve been a little sweaty, because it was curling up into a messy halo around his grinning face. Richie wanted to know this Eddie, see him curl up laughing, but he knew that would never happen.

He perused their profiles for a while before growing bored, downing a third of his coffee before moving on. Except Eddie didn’t seem to have a Twitter, or a Snapchat. A quick google search of his name only came up with a few images and… a Facebook profile?

Richie prayed that it was an old one Eddie had never deleted, but after the page loaded he saw that the most recent status was made last night.

“Oh my fucking god,” he whispered to himself.

Eddie’s profile picture made him look particularly child-like, a weird picture of him pointing to the camera like he was cool, even though the same hand had a clunky old watch wrapped around it. His header picture displayed the quote ‘there is bravery in being soft’.

Richie snorted, “Yeah, a soft fucking dick!”

Another patron scoffed at his fowl mouth, and he shot her a smug grin.

Eddie only had 40 friends on the site, which consisted of Bill, Stan, some of the other nerds at Derry High, and his mother and her friends. It wasn’t like someone’s Facebook friends actually mattered, especially because only middle aged mothers who posted minion memes about their alcoholism used it anymore, but it was still kinda pitiful.

His posts were generally uninteresting, stuff like ‘super nervous for the math test’, or ‘soooooooooooo bored ://///’. Otherwise, he mostly just shared pictures of cute dogs and DIY videos.

It was hard to find any useful information on Eddie, since he obviously lied a lot. Not in the way of bragging, or saying that he did things he didn’t (like Richie did). But there were comments from Mrs. Kaspbrak’s friends calling him a lady killer, or a few posts calling Carly Rae Jepsen cute (please, Run Away With Me is the one of gayest songs of all time). Eddie was closeted, and Richie knew from experience that someone could never really be themselves around others if they weren’t out.

What his profile lacked in useable information, it more than made up with blackmail material.

Take, for instance, little Eddie in possibly the gayest fucking hat imaginable.

He screeched as he saw the picture of the eleven year old, a white fedora-bucket hat hybrid sitting atop his tiny head, before breaking out into a full on wheeze. Richie was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe, and then he thought about Eddie using his inhaler in that gay ass hat and laughed even harder.

The other customers began to stare, some concerned, and others pissed off at the disturbance.

Once he had collected himself somewhat, Richie sent a screenshot to the group chat.

the losers

bev: oh my fucking G O D

richie: I CANT FUCKIN BREATHE ELRNKKLNERG

richie: LIKE F U C K !!! KLJKLGRJKLLEJK

richie: LOOK AT HIS GAY HAT

richie: LIKE, IT’S GAYER THAN WEARING NOTHING BUT A PRIDE FLAG AND GLITTER

richie: HE LOOKS LIKE A TWINKY SKIPPER

richie: HOW IS THAT HAT MORE GAY THAN EVERY SINGLE ONE RYAN EVANS WORE IN THE ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL FRANCHISE COMBINED

bev: i’m muting you

mike: me too

mike: also that hat isn’t that bad

“‘Not that bad?!’” Richie squawked, not that he’d be able to hear him.

(Really, Richie had no authority on the subject. He still donned the occasional Hawaiian shirt over his tees).

He refreshed Eddie’s profile, seeing that he had made a new status.

Eddie Kaspbrak: big night friday, nervous but excited !!!!

Richie raised his brows in intrigue, seeing that Bill and a handful of other people liked the status. What was going on Friday?

He checked to see if Bill had posted anything, if Eddie was going somewhere, chances were Bill was too.

Bill Denbrough: almost the weekend, finally ready to let loose

Seriously, it would’ve been so much easier if Bill was the guy Richie had to woo. Kid was probably fucking nervous for a party, a place where you threw caution to the wind and had a good time. Still, he made a mental note about finding out what their Friday plans were.

Richie sighed, taking another swig of his coffee, “God, what a fucking loser.”

Suddenly, his headphones were being tugged out of his ear by an angry middle-aged woman with short-layered hair and eye bags.

“Hey, what the fuck?” Richie glared, snatching back his headphones.

The woman returned the look, putting her hands on her hips, “Don’t you have respect for the other customers?!”

“Sweetheart, I don’t have respect for myself, let alone some PTA moms-- like the post-divorce haircut by the way.”

Apparently, his finger guns did not soften the blow, because the lady started to scream at him.

And, apparently, this lady was also the manager, and was pushing him out the door.

So great, Eddie and his dumb gay hat got him banned from Starbucks.

Even though he was wounded from Eddie’s betrayal, (because Richie getting kicked out was definitely not his fault-- it was Eddie’s homosexual headwear. An anthropomorphic device of chaos, that Eddie owned, so, yeah, it was Kaspbrak’s fucking fault.) Richie still skipped smoking on Thursday to spend his lunch with the tiny fuck.

Obviously, they hadn’t made plans to do so, but Richie had, and he really couldn’t delay starting the bet. There was a lot on the line.

So, after getting out of econ (turning in an unstudied for but probably aced quiz), and throwing his shit in his locker, Richie detoured to the cafeteria.

The place was a fucking mess, and it reminded Richie just why he avoided the place. It was pure chaos, loud and overwhelming, a million things to get distracted by. Freshman with their stupid rolling backpacks kept whizzing by, making Richie trip or get his feet ran over. The tables were already filled, the honor roll kids, the partiers, Gretta and her gang. Fucking cliches.

He got in line, picking up a tray and proceeding to fiddle with the buttons at the cuff of his black and white flannel; trying to tune out the buzz of conversation. It was weird, at parties he thrived on the noise and disorder, but here all it was doing was fucking with his ADHD.

Richie drummed a beat onto his tray as the line moved forward and picked the most edible looking slop from the menu. The lunch lady glowered at him as he reached for his money only to realize he had put it in the other pocket, fumbling to put the bills and coins on the counter.  

As she put the money in the register, Richie looked around the room, checking to see where Eddie was sitting. He was sat near one of the exits, carefully taking out his lunch and swinging his legs. And he was alone. Perfect.

“Kid, do you want a receipt or not?” the lunch lady snapped from across from him.

Richie blinked back into focus, “Uh, sure, sorry.”

She sighed and printed out the receipt, slamming it down on the tray, “Next!”

Grabbing his tray, Richie plucked up some plastic cutlery and made his way through the sea of students to Eddie Kaspbrak. He had to twist and lift his tray a bit, but eventually the crowds started to part a bit. A chorus of whispers started to erupt. Stupid small town.

“Is that Richie Tozier?”

“I think, but doesn’t he always get high with his stoner friends?”

“What is he doing here?”

“God, he’s so hot.”

Richie smirked, sending a wink at the girl’s praise before sitting across from Eddie. He watched for a moment as the boy continued to focus on on unpacking his utensils and napkins before clearing his throat.

Eddie’s eyes snapped up from his lunchbox, widening when he saw Richie.

“What the fuck?” It was meant to be a whisper to himself, but Eddie’s voice was louder than expected.

Richie grinned at the blushing boy, “Well, hello to you to Eds.”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie snapped, returning to his food.

Richie waited for him to say something else, at least fucking look at him, but the little fuck kept his eyes glued to his grapes, nails aggressively ripping the fruit from their stems.

“Okay,” he started, taking a sip of his apple juice, “So, you may be wondering why I’m sitting with you—“

Eddie interrupted, annoyance apparent in every fiber of his being, “Is this gonna be quick or not?”

“I’m hoping it’s not quick, although given how hot I am it’s difficult for people to control themselves.”

A long, deep sigh came from Eddie’s (cute, soft) lips. Eddie grabbed at Richie’s hands, flipping them over so that the palms faced upwards.

“Wow, a bit forward, but I’m liking your style Kaspbrak,” Richie winked.

Eddie rolled his eyes and proceed to take out hand sanitizer from his fanny pack, squirting the floral scented product into Richie’s hands.

Honestly, what the fuck?

He must’ve sent the same message to Eddie with his face, because Eddie said, “You obviously aren’t gonna leave me the fuck alone, and if you’re gonna be in my space, you need to be clean.”

Richie raised a brow at this but rubbed the hand sanitizer into his hands anyways.

Jesus Christ, what a weird, defensive little bitch.

Eddie watched with focused eyes, and only spoke when Richie was finished.

“Continue.”

It took a moment for Richie to gain his bearings once more. This mission seemed dead on arrival, but he had to keep trying anyways.

“So, Eddie…” Richie trailed off, twirling the pasta on his plate before his eyes lit up, “Eddie Spaghetti, Eduardo, what’s up?”

Eddie scowled, “That’s not my fucking name!” he squeaked, “And ‘what’s up?’ I mean, we’ve barely even talked before. You think I’m just gonna put up with this because you’re Richie Tozier? I swear to god, if this is some fucking bullying thing...”

Around them, people began to stare and eavesdrop at the sound of Eddie yelling. Fucking perfect.

Richie blinked back at the boy across from him, now red in the face for a different reason, “Calm down, I’m just trying to get to know you.”

“Fat fucking chance.”

Okay, wow. Richie had more work cut out for him than expected. He thought of what to say next as he watched Eddie finish his grapes.

“This isn’t, like, a joke,” (it wasn’t real either), “I just wanna hang out.”

“Hang out?” Eddie’s chocolate brown eyes met Richie’s, his tone mocking.

Richie nodded, “Yeah, ya know, kick it with the homies. Make out a little if you’re down. Friend stuff.”

Eddie’s jaw clenched, “You’re unbelievable. Just fucking unbe— you know, how can you even say any of that shit? How can we be ‘homies’ if we’ve never ‘hung out’ before? And don’t want to-- I’m not-- you don’t know me!”

There was something underlying in Eddie’s voice as he snapped, wavering at the end. Richie, like most things in life, was completely and utterly fucking up.

“Well then, how about we fix that?” Richie leaned forward, “I was wondering if maybe you’d wanna—“

Abruptly, Eddie stood up, grabbing his food and walked off, making his way towards the cafeteria line where Bill and Stan were paying for their lunch.

Richie looked around at all the watching faces, some snickering and others as shocked as he was.

“...Embarrass me horribly in front of all these people.”

He took a deep breath, and shoved some spaghetti in his mouth, his frown growing larger at the disgusting taste. Richie was often considered a wild card, but this was when routine was a good thing. He should’ve just avoided this and sparked up with Bev and Mike.

Actually, he was going to do just that. There was still some left in lunch, and no reason for him to stay in the cafeteria if Eddie was giving him the cold shoulder. More like a giant fucking iceberg but still, pointless. Besides, he really needed to get high now. Eddie ruined his whole mood and pissed him the fuck off.

Richie got up and tossed out the inedible garbage before going to the usual spot, finger itching for a joint.

He used his foot to push open the door, which would’ve been cool, except with his clumsiness and horrible luck he tripped forward, narrowly avoiding falling down the steps and face planting by grabbing the railing.

As Richie caught his breath and stabilized himself, he could hear his friends laughing.

“Back so soon?” Bev smirked knowingly, taking a drag.

Richie huffed, “Ha ha. Let’s yuck it up for my misfortune,” he grabbed her joint and took a long hit, “This fucking kid, Bev. I don’t think I can do this!”

“As in, you’re morally incapable of leading him on?” Mike asked hopefully.

“Please, let’s be realistic here Mikey. No, that kid is like, the fuckin devil incarnate. Shithead is fucking crazy!” Richie paced, smoking from the joint.

Bev laughed, “What makes you say that?”

“Why don’t ya ask the whole fucking school?” Richie snapped, though the anger wasn’t directed at her, “They were watching it all go down. If that wheezy asshole ruins my reputation—“

“What reputation?” Mike interjected.

Richie rolled his eyes and flipped him off.

Another voice spoke up, “I dunno, Richie’s pretty well known. I like him well enough.”

Richie whirled around, just noticing a new face among the usual group, Ben Hanscom.

The eternal new kid, since no one ever moved to ass backwards Derry, was not someone he’d expect to be behind the art building. Maybe reciting poetry or some shit, but not blazing. Ben was sweet and genuine, albeit a little shy. He was no longer the chubby kid he once was, more stocky and muscular now. They weren’t too close, as the tawny haired boy spent more time with Mike and Bev, and if not them, the other dorks (like Eddie and his friends). But either way, dude was pretty chill. Richie just didn’t really want him there mid-meltdown.

“Haystack?! You smoke?!” he whistled, “Ho-ly shit, who woulda thought!”

Ben shook his head, “Uh, no I don’t. Mike and I just had to study for history next block.”

His deep brown eyes flitted to Beverly, who had now stolen back her joint and was playing with the key that hung from her neck. Yeah, studying was the only reason. Not Ben’s excruciatingly obvious crush on the red head.

“We would’ve just gone to the library, but Bev and I made a bet about if you’d be successful or not today,” Mike said.

Richie gasped, “Betting on my failure? Fuck you guys, Benny Boy is my new best friend.”

“I didn’t sign up for that.”

“Hey, I bet on you succeeding,” Mike put his hands up in surrender, “She’s the one who thought you’d screw it up.”

“And I was right. Pay up,” Bev smiled, holding out her palm.

Mike dropped a candy bar in it with a deep sigh. She tore open the wrapping, taking a savage bite of the chocolatey sweet.

“I think you have a gambling problem,” Mike quipped.

Bev shrugged, “Not a problem if I keep winning.”

She grinned, her teeth covered in chocolate and spit. Gross. Ben still looked enraptured. Double gross.

“Anyways, can we focus on the important bet, and the fact that this fuck is impossible! Seriously, Bev, babygirl, pick anyone else!” Richie whined, plopping his bony ass on the cement.

“First off, don’t call me ‘babygirl’,” she flicked the ash off the end of the joint at him, “Second, the deal was anyone. You either woo him or you don’t.”

Richie opened his mouth to complain again but Ben beat him to it.

“I’m sorry, but what are we talking about?”

The other three looked at each other in panic. Ben was friends with Eddie, there was no way he could find out what was going on. The whole thing would be ruined before it started.

“Nothin!” Richie squeaked, “Just uh… bet that I couldn’t ace a group project. I usually just bullshit a lot of that stuff and leave it up to the others if I can. Partner’s just a little… high strung.”

Bev groaned and Mike sighed. A horrible fucking lie. Richie was already trying to formulate a better one in his head.

Ben smiled, “That’s nice, a wholesome, supportive bet. But you really should just communicate with your partner. They might be nervous because of your history is all.”

Richie let out a sound of relief before realizing Ben’s advice could actually be helpful.

“Sure, but I already tried to talk to him and it didn’t go well,” he explained.

Bev and Mike raised their brows, catching on.

“Well, how did you talk to him?” Ben asked, “Was it an ambush or a friendly conversation?

Bev snorted, “Ambush, knowing Richie. He doesn’t do friendly conversations.”

“Maybe with you, because you’re on my ass all the time,” Richie shot back, “But uh, she’s right. Shouldn’t matter though, everyone knows that’s how Tough Guy Tozier does his business.”

Mike groaned, “Please don’t call yourself that ever again.”

“You’re just coming on too strong. You have to consider what he likes, what he wants. A good partnership comes with compromise and communication,” Ben nodded sagely.

Richie ruffled his hair, putting on his trusty British voice, “Thank you Advisor Hanscom. Your wisdom is greatly appreciated.”

Ben smiled awkwardly, his eyes going to Bev once again, “Course.”

He took the joint from Bev, inhaling the musty smoke and blowing it out his nostrils, the burning sensation familiar and welcome.

“And maybe, you should talk to him sober next time,” Mike suggested.

Richie laughed, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

By the time the final bell rang, he was still feeling defeated and unsure of his next move. Sure, he’d have to dial back his trashmouth charm, try to seem actually invested in Eddie but… that wasn’t going to happen if the brat never talked to him again. Richie had to find a way to break the tension between them, start fresh.

He sulked to his locker, pulling out his shit from the looming mess. Loose binder paper and pencils fell onto the ground, and Richie just wanted to bang his head against the wall of metal. Also, go home and smoke while playing video games but, mostly, hit his head repeatedly. Maybe he’d lose enough brain cells to forget the entire day.

After a few moments of excessive cursing, Richie grabbed what he needed and got everything that fell back into the locker. He noticed a new post it on the door just before he closed it.

Don’t give up :) <3 - mike

Richie smiled, and slammed the locker shut with a resounding clang. With a little stretch and a fix of his glasses, he strolled through the halls, making his way to the parking lot to wait for Mike.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bill and Stan loitering around the halls as well, engaged in (an undoubtedly boring) conversation.

He remembered Bill and Eddie’s facebook status’ about exciting plans for tomorrow night and decided he should investigate.

“Billiam! Staniel!” Richie called as he approached them, “What’s up?”

The two stopped talking and looked up, Bill smiling while Stan rolled his eyes.

“H-hey, Richie,” Bill waved.  Richie noted that his stutter had gotten a lot better just over the past year. The two of them had shared a few classes when they were juniors and were pretty friendly with one another. At least compared to his relationship with Eddie and Stan, who also seemed to hate him for no reason.

Speaking of, the prim and proper boy was glaring at him, “Didn’t get enough of being a nuisance at lunch?”

Richie raised a brow, “Whatever do you mean?”

Stan scoffed, and opened his mouth to respond, but Bill put a hand on his shoulder, “N-nothing. Stan’s just… on edge. What’s up w-with you?”

“Not much, just trying to figure out what my plans are for tomorrow,” Richie shrugged, “Got any suggestions?”

“The only thing on your mind is where to party? Not surprised,” Stan quipped.

Richie shoved his hands in his pockets, biting his tongue. Snapping at Eddie was what caused his whole operation to go south, and he couldn’t mess up this second chance.

Bill ignored the tension between them, “Well, usually w-we don’t do t-t-too m-much, but it’s s-senior year. Probably going to Peter Gordon's party.”

“That kid’s an ass.”

“Coming from you, that’s rich,” Stan commented, his arms crossed.

His grinned, “Well, yeah, I am Rich.”

Stan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Yeah, he is, but he’s also s-super wealthy,” Bill avoided another ‘rich’ pun, “Meaning he’ll h-h-ave q-q-quality shit.”

Richie beamed, “Ah, I get it. You’re Robin Hood-ing that fuck. I like your style Billy Boy.”

He clapped Bill on the shoulder, and the other boy blushed slightly, “W-well, it wasn’t j-just my idea. Eddie and Stan helped.”

“Eddie? He’s coming with you guys?”

Bill shook his head, “N-no. He was supposed to, b-b-but that art thing came up so he h-had to cancel.”

“Art thing?” Richie asked, suddenly intrigued. This was the information he wanted.

“Yeah,” Bill nodded, “It’s this show that happens every month. At Jester Theatre. He always goes.”

Stan not so subtly elbowed Bill in the ribs, hissing at him to shut up.

“W-what?!”

“Yeah, what’s got your steamed panties in a twist Uris?” Richie smirked.

Stan sent him a scowl, “You know very well Tozier. Eddie told us all about what you did at lunch. Back the fuck off.”

“S-stan, I don’t think he meant--”

“No, Bill, he did,” Stan interrupted, “I don’t know what your game is, but if you hurt him…”

Richie put his hands up in surrender, “Hey, I’m not going to hurt him. He seems pretty strong anyways. I mean no harm.”

Stan didn’t look convinced at all. Fair enough.

The air between the two was tense, but Bill broke it by clearing his throat, “So, uh, will w-we see you at the p-p-party?”

Richie shook his head ‘no’, “Probably not. I have some more sophisticated plans lined up.”

a/n: hope you liked it! next chapter is p much all richie and eddie so get excited. if you enjoyed i would love hearing your feedback

oh and this is eddie’s gay hat if you were curious

[aresaphrodites]

im so confused on my sexuality i feel that I should be attracted to guys because my family isn't very accepting of other than being straight. (every one made fun of my cousin b/c they all found out he likes dudes) everyone is always cracking jokes about him. i feel like that is what would happen if i came out but they would make fun of me behind my back, guys are hot and all but in all honesty girls are fine to me. i always was low-key attracted to any girl im just really scared to come out 1/2

So! Let’s tackle this in the best way I know how; giving out way too much information about myself that no one actually gives a fuck about! 

So I’ve always liked girls. I’ve known that I liked girls ever since my childhood girl friend kissed me (she was my first kiss ever btw) when we were like seven. Her kiss made me feel super giddy in a way that childhood kisses often do. A few years later, a family friend (a male) kissed me and it was my first kiss with a boy and I shit you not, I broke down in tears afterwards and cried my eyes out in church and like... begged God for forgiveness because it made me feel so dirty? WEIRD, RIGHT? So anyway... I always knew that I liked girls but for some reason liking guys made me feel really dirty and gross and like I was committing a sin or some shit, so... ANYWAY! I remember telling one of my friends that I thought a girl was really pretty when we were in like seventh grade and she literally gave me the longest speech about how liking girls was wrong and we were Catholics and “do you want to be like that weird girl that no one likes, Arianna? just shut up and don’t say that to other people.” SO THUS BEGAN MY INTERNAL HOMOPHOBIA. I was in such a fucked up headspace for the longest time because I would see a girl and develop a crush and then I would feel disgusted with myself because I had never been told that this was okay. My whole life was just people telling me how wrong it was and I began to hate myself for feeling the way I did. I forced myself to try to like guys and it wasn’t right or fair on anyone involved, but especially not to myself. 

When I got into high school, a rumor was started about me that I had sex with my closest girl friend and everyone was super rude about it. People would come up to me and say gross jokes and constantly ask me if I was a “dyke” or call me “closet case” and at the time, I actually did have a boyfriend, and he would always tell me shit like “I wouldn’t be surprised if you were a lesbo. You’re fucking weird like that.” And it was just... traumatic to be told, to be fucking honest. Not only did I feel gross and targeted, I felt weird now; like an outcast. 

So I break up with my boyfriend because he’s a shit and I begin talking to this girl. She’s sweet and she’s nice and everything I’ve ever wanted in a girlfriend and I’m sixteen years old and this girl is like heaven to me. And she leads me on. She tells me how special I am and how much she likes me. She buys me gifts and she kisses me when we’re alone. She feels like things finally make sense and like maybe I can love this part of myself. And then she outs me on social media. And lets me know that I’ll never be something serious to her. And she gets a nice boyfriend and they fall in love and I’m tossed to the side. So now I hate myself even more because she’s right. Who’s ever going to love someone like me?

From that point on, I kept shit to myself. I kissed boys I didn’t want to kiss. I smiled and walked away from girls that I wanted to talk to. I got in a relationship with my childhood best friend that my family approved of and we dated and smiled in pictures and life was great. Except for the fact that I can’t stop crying every time he finishes touching me and that kissing him feels wrong and when we’re apart it feels like I can finally breathe again. 

So one day when I’m having a really hard time, I break down to my (very religious) cousin and I cry to her and I tell her everything. From the very beginning. She listens to me with a straight face that gives away no emotion and the whole time I’m sitting there in fear that she’s going to tell me I’m gross and that I’m going to hell and that she hates me and I’m scared I’m going to lose the one good person in my life. 

And then she hugs me. She hugs me and she cries as she tells me that she’s so sorry I ever felt like I couldn’t tell her this. She tells me that she’s sorry I had to carry this with me for nearly a decade. She tells me she loves me and that she’s proud of me, no matter who I am or who I love. And for the first time in what feels like a lifetime, I’m happy. I’m happy because one person knows, but it’s the most important person, and she doesn’t care.

I still don’t know what I am. Liking boys has always felt different to me. It doesn’t feel the same way that liking girls does. I don’t consider myself a lesbian though, because I do find men attractive and there have been guys that I did like and that did make me happy. But my pull has always and will probably always be towards girls. I see myself marrying a girl. I think I always have. But you know what? I’m 20, I’m young and I have the rest of my life to figure out what it is that I want out of this world. 

And so do you. You don’t need to label yourself immediately. We like who we like and that’s that. I felt like I should have been attracted to guys, but I just wasn’t. Not in the way everyone wanted me to be.

Coming out can be scary. Truth be told, I haven’t even come out to half of my family yet and I don’t know when I will, but you do know what I know? It will be when I’m ready. And the same goes for you. It’s a burden to carry, that’s true, but it’s also a way that we make sure to protect ourselves and our wellbeing. Perhaps you should try talking to your family first about how these jokes against your cousin are wrong and hurtful. Try to make them understand. It’s hard, but it needs to happen. If we want to see change in this world, then we need to be part of that change. And it starts with us standing up for those who were strong enough to come out in a world that’s still not very friendly to LGBT+ people. If we can make a change, even just in our own families, then it’s a start. 

I wish you the best on your journey of self discovery and I’m always here to listen to you and offer advice as well as I can. Everything will work out in the end. I’m sure of it.

[dredshirtroberts]

Note to self - car crash videos (especially dash cam videos) are still triggering to me, and I need to be more aware of that next time I open a video with a bunch of crashes in it.

For background on why, see below

about 6~ish years ago I was driving to my final exam of the semester at school. Taking a road I knew very well. I was in my parent’s minivan (which by that point I’d all but claimed as my own because I drove it so often). It didn’t have A/C, so I had the driver’s side window down, and I was jamming to some music. It was a beautiful May day, bright and sunshiney, warm and I was in love with life (at least for that day anyway). 

A bug flew in my window as I started down the hill. I wanted to make sure (stupidly) that it wasn’t something that was going to sting me - it had been a rather solid bug that landed in my lap and was stunned. I looked down, just a second, and went to brush it off.

I misjudged how long I was looking at my lap. At the bottom of the hill there was a rather sharp left curve in the road. I missed the curve and kept going straight - up an embankment (narrowly missing a metal pole in the ground that would have flipped the vehicle), and into some low hanging tree branches.

I managed to turn the car to face back towards the road - missing any tree trunks. The embankment was at least 3 foot tall and steep. In driving down it, the front of the minivan smashed into the pavement, which is when I *think* the airbags deployed, but honestly I don’t have a clear memory of anything but looking up and seeing tree branches smacking against my windshield and I don’t remember anything until the car came to a full stop, somehow mostly back on the road. 

I remember shaking. I looked into the rearview mirror, I don’t completely remember why. That’s when I realized that the windshield was smashed. the airbag was deflated in my lap and my arms and face ached and stung. There was glass in the car and I couldn’t figure out why - until I realized that the passenger side window had not been open previously and now was shattered all through the car.

I remember looking around, and looking down at myself. I only remember that there was roadwork being done on the road I’d just turned from because I briefly considered them after I finished screaming.

I called my father. He didn’t pick up at first because he had a special ringtone for me (”would you like another EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES?”). I was terrified that the one time I needed him, he wouldn’t even answer. I was in full shock and panic mode. I got him on the phone and he couldn’t understand me because I was crying and freaking out. I had to tell him more than once what had happened.

The men from the road crew had come down to see what was up at that point. They asked if I was okay, and I couldn’t answer anything but “i’m on the phone with my dad”.

he and my mom got themselves into the other minivan we had just purchased, leaving my sister at home. Mom called the police to report the accident because I couldn’t. I could barely think straight.

I had enough sense in me - at some point - to turn off the car when I realized the engine wasn’t on (when it ought to have been) and the radio still was. I don’t remember what song was playing.

I got out shortly thereafter because I didn’t want the vehicle to catch fire while I was still in it. There was a secondary moment of “oh good, the door still opens” that I think I remember but maybe I’m just overlaying the memory with thoughts I’ve had about it afterwards.

This is what the van looked like, by the way:

I think at some point i realized there was no passenger side mirror - prior to me exiting the vehicle anyway. The trunk had been opened well after the crash so we could retrieve our belongings before it got towed away.

The axle was turned and completely wrong. The tire had been smashed and the wheel itself was damaged. There was no headlight on the passenger side. Oil was leaking from the oil pan at an alarming rate - it had been completely smashed.

Most of the damage was in the undercarriage of the van.

I had nickel burns all over my arms and face. I had a huge bruise from where the steering wheel had exploded and the plastic smacked into my arm before the air bag did. 

I kept control of the wheel the whole time, which I’m not sure was a good thing.

Oh, the paint peeling in the photo? That’s what happens when you don’t wax your car regularly and it happens to be a 12yo vehicle. That’s not from the accident (not all of it anyway).

I can’t listen to cars crashing into one another because the sound takes me back to that day in May. I can’t watch it so well either, because this may have been the worst accident I’d been in, but it’s not the only one I’d been a passenger during. It’s not a sound or a feeling you forget quickly.

I don’t dream about car accidents. I dream about my brakes failing and not being able to stop. But I don’t dream about wreckage and pain and panic and fear. And I think that’s why these things still bother me on a visceral, PTSD-like flashback level. I haven’t processed it, not really.

I want to also mention that my parents were far more upset about the car being damaged. They gave zero shits about how I was doing afterwards. They didn’t care. If I’d been more injured, but hid it from them, it would have been the same. They blamed me for the accident, and didn’t seem to care that I’d lived.

For a long while after that I wished I’d...I wished I had died just so I wouldn’t have to deal with the fact that they only cared that i wrecked a car, not that i was injured (and still alive - they didn’t care I’d lived. they didn’t show any appreciation or care that I hadn’t been more gravely injured than a jammed jaw and abrasions. The little older lady who stopped on the side of the road and sat with me until my parents came cared more. The cop who ended up coming to the scene - not the one called out there which makes me wonder if my parents had called anyone at all - cared more about me. Asked if I needed medical treatment. I was in shock and don’t know if I was more injured or not. There’s a really fuzzy period of time after this accident i don’t remember a lot of).

My parents were also upset that I’d missed my exam because of it.

I rescheduled the exam I needed to take. My professors were more concerned about my wellbeing than my parents.

My ex friend who ended up being a manipulative and shitty human being cared more than my parents. She got me out of the house and took me to her place where she cared for me and made sure I calmed down.

I didn’t stop shaking for hours after the accident but it happened faster because I was with her, I think.

I don’t know why I lived. I don’t know why the accident wasn’t worse. I don’t know how it worked out the way it did. Mostly because I only remember snaps and flashes of the whole ordeal. I used to wish I hadn’t because my parents still haven’t fucking forgiven me for that goddamn van. They barely said anything about how they’re in any way positive feeling that I wasn’t more injured.

They didn’t even acknowledge that they could have lost me that day.

I know I’m not the favorite child. I’m so aware of this I can’t even describe to you what it feels like. But to know, in your heart, if you died that your parents wouldn’t even care?

yeah. That’s...that’s a lot to go through.

No wonder my brain is protecting me from that day as much as it can.

No wonder I was suicidal for so long. that actually makes a ton of sense. I had literal proof that my family gave zero shits if I lived or died.

ouch.

Anyway, no more car crash videos for me for a while. I’ll have to stick to natural disasters and fuzzy kittens and vine compilations.

darn?

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel Skin Under a Vanilla Sky prt 30 full draft

Laying on his back, Lance stared up at the roof of the command room of the Telula. How long it'd been since he'd left the Atlas, he had no idea, only that his tears had run dry. Once again he was alone. Once again his heart was broken by the one he'd loved. Only... this time was different. This time there was nothing to live for. Planning a hundred juniper berries wouldn't make Keith come after him. Planting a million wouldn't ease his broken soul. The fragile web of trust they'd spun had been torn to pieces right before his eyes. Keith had not only lied to him, he'd spilled his deepest darkest secrets to his mother. That explained why Krolia hadn't spoken to him before the meeting, she was probably silently judging him, waiting for the right time to admit she'd known he was naive and stupid all along. She couldn't let someone as dirty as him be with her only son. The Galra prided themselves on strength, where as he wasn't even able to make it through most days without something startling or panicking him. What good was he anyway? No one listened. Shiro hadn't wanted to hand over control of the meeting, but he'd taken it away like he deserved a place there, and like he deserved to be telling any of them how to do their jobs. However long he'd been gone, it'd been long enough for his heat to come. Long enough for his body to be screaming out for Keith's touches. His kisses. His soothing scent and warm arms. Keith was always so damn warm. It didn't matter what he'd thrown at him, Keith's arms were always welcoming and loving for him. His soft lips pressing kissing to Lance's temple, with nibble fingers carefully stroking his hair. Keith's touches had been his everything. Only his hold felt right against Lance's broken and battered body. Keith had moulded him into something more than he had been. And now when he reached out his hand, there was no one there. The only person he could blame was himself. With the engines running on 15 per cent power, his comms were off, the navigation system was off, leaving the space around him silent. He only needed enough power for gravity and life support. Letting his ship drift, he hadn't checked his position in vargas, perhaps quintants. He'd vaguely remembered pointing his ship towards his usual hunting grounds after messaging Shiro, Daehra, Th'al and his mother so she wouldn't kick up a fuss over his sudden disappearance. She'd fussed way too much over him as it was, so he'd been the perfect son and lied through his teeth over how "nice and quiet life was", and how "risk free" his job was. Yeah. It fucking hurt to lie, but what exactly could he say? Groaning heavily Lance rolled to his side, the view just as unappealing. When he could bothered moving his sticky body from the floor, he'd find a rebel camp to drop the Telula at. It held everyone's personal belongings, something he didn't think about when he'd bolted. All he'd wanted to do was put as much distance between him and Keith. Maybe if they'd talked before, he might have been able to find some way to understand... but he'd opened up to him. He'd let him in. He'd let Keith infect him, change him... rescue him. He didn't want to go back to step one. Not again... He didn't want his nightmares back. He didn't want to wake up alone, or huddled in the corner of the room bleeding with no memory of how he got there. How could he be with Keith after he broke his trust? He'd told Keith he'd needed honesty. Keith who gave him everything else, but the one thing that his broken mind needed. They'd had sex. He'd opened up... literally. Perhaps it wouldn't have stung so badly if it hadn't happened on the heels of that night. * Keith's scent haunted him. The whole ship seemed infected by it. More often than not he'd turned to look to Keith, only to find Allura in his place. He didn't miss Allura. Each conversation he had with her reminds her that she was only a hallucination, and an annoying one at that. Lance couldn't say he'd done a good job of reestablishing himself. His injections were all over the place. His stomach was only accepting minimal amounts of food, his period hadn't come yet, though he felt bloated as hell. Yet he wasn't able to find the effort to care. Keith was gone. Even if he was to turn his ship around and fly back to the Atlas, Keith would have realised by now how much hard work he'd been, and how far Lance had dragged him down. Naturally the pain hadn't passed. The tiny flicker of hope left him unable to wash Keith's scent off his pillows. He missed him. He missed so quiznakking much that his mother would have beaten him black and blue for the number of times he'd cursed the universe for giving him Keith. Wherever he was, Lance hopes he was safe. He hoped that Keith wasn't doing something reckless, or impulsive. That he'd been able to get Lance'a point across in regards to tracking down those responsible for all the disappearances near Ghazex. Lance wished he had the courage to go running back to Keith, but he was so ashamed of how things had played out. He'd shown enough of his shameful sides to Keith... but left alone in this self imposed solitude... he couldn't help but want Keith by his side even if it was to say goodbye. Landing on the far side of Sucrulia, it wasn't Lance's favourite place in this sector of space, but it was the place he was to rendezvous with Th'al at her request. The place was almost all sand and rocky outcrops that reminded him far too much of that shack Keith called home, even the colours were more Earthy than a lot of places out there. No one was around for miles, given this was the desert side of the planet, so until Th'al arrived all he had for company were a few tumbleweeds and a whole lot of creepy purple looking cacti, that were the only unEarth like things there. The other side of Sucrulia was lush, there were ports all along the coast line trading in all kinds of exotic herbs, and spices, and the whole feel of the place was like the golden days of piracy on Earth. That's why they were meeting in the middle of the stupid desert. No one from the other side of the planet came here. No on from the other side of the planet could get out here without the use of a ship. A thick valley of sharp obsidian waiting to murder anyone stupid enough to attempt their way through. Lance had a stupid plan. A very stupid plan, and Th'al was key to it. She'd been pissed to all quiznakkary when he'd suddenly reached out after a phoeb out of contact. It'd been risky firing up his comms, but he'd wasted a whole phoeb without accomplishing anything other than drifting in space, lazily patrolling between bouts of self loathing and remembering he was technically wanted man so had to lay low... not that really stopped him. He couldn't stop his whole life just because he'd been kicked to the curb again. A revelation that'd come after a tremendous amount of self wallowing, tears and Keith's pillows. Lance hadn't been able to bring himself to evict them into the vacuum of space. Th'al kept him waiting for a while quintant. By the time the female bounty hunter showed up, the cacti population had diminished slightly thanks to boredom and his favourite blaster, many now sporting smiley faces that didn't make them any less creepy. Landing her pod next to the Telula, Th'al was just as intimidating as he remembered. Her dark hair pulled into a tight bun, that reminded him of his third grade teacher who'd reduced him to tears over his English, as she strode down her pods loading ramp with her blaster raised in his direction. Raising his hands as if he was actually surrendering, Lance hung his head as she started to scold him. It wasn't like he Th'al were best buddies, they were simply both in the same line of work and had similar ideas on not killing each other over a bounty "What the stars, Leandro! What did you do this time? Daehra was blowing up my comms. Something about you upsetting the Atlas? And why would you return out here? Were you born stupid?" "The jury's still out on that one" "Of all the stupid things you could do. Do you know the Atlas is on the move? There's been talk of Blades being sighted" Great. Shiro hadn't listened, or he'd opted to listen to Keith over Lance and now they were invading his space and threatening the undercover mission Lance had strategised for himself. He needed to get back out to the outpost, and what better way than to be escorted by a hunter handling a bounty? If Keith were there with him, the half-Galra would have already lost his shit over it and deemed it all an unnecessary risk. Then probably would have told him he loved him and fretted over Lance getting himself chopped into tiny pieces, something Lance didn't particularly want to happen but when your heart's just been broken all over again, you don't exactly care for you own wellbeing. "I told them not to interfere. I even gave them a full briefing over how coming out to our little corner would only make things worse. So you can't pin all of this on me. Besides, it's not like I actually wanted to go back to the Atlas..." "Yeah. Yeah. I don't need to hear your life story. I still think this plan of yours is weak" That's because it was "Aw, Th'al. This is why you're still single. I'll have you know my life story is far more interesting than you could ever imagine" Raising her blaster to line the shot up, Lance snorted at his friend "You can shoot me if it'll make you feel better, but I've got a full suit on under these clothes" "Dammit. Fine. Whatever. Don't think I won't shoot you in the foot the moment you get annoying" "I know you will. Are we good to go?" "Of course we are. I'm not some amateur like you are. I've messaged Daehra over the Telula. Thanks for that by the way, she's been blowing up my comms trying to find out if you're alright" "You know how she gets. And you know I needed to lay low. We should probably get out of here if you've already messaged her. The Blade members she's with have an annoying tendency of sticking their noses in where they're not needed or wanted" Glaring at him, Lance was on thin ice when it came to Th'al's patience. Moving to walk past her, he was grateful that she didn't shoot in the foot just yet, though he was sure her desire was strong. With the pod being on the small side, Lance set himself up in the passenger seat of it with a spare holopad while Th'al piloted the ship away from the Telula. Activating his girl's shields remotely, it was a weight off his shoulders to know that everyone would be getting their personal belongings back sooner rather than later. He'd even triple checked that she was in perfect running order for when his team arrived to retrieve her. They'd probably be annoyed that he wasn't there, but this mission needed to come before all the craziness of his private life, and he needed someone more objective than his team to assist in it. They cared too much. They'd blame themselves if something was to happen, which he couldn't be responsible for. No matter what happened the fall out needed to land his shoulders alone. Th'al would leave him if worst came to worse. She'd take her pod and flee before the first shot was even fired. That's what he needed. None of this self sacrifice bullshit. Tapping his fingers against the holopad, he felt something light hit him in the side of the head "Stop tapping so loudly" "I'm not tapping loudly" "If I can hear you, you're tapping too loud" Rolling his eyes, Lance tried to play off the panic that formed at the unexpected strike. He could deny it until he was blue in the face, but without Keith there, his nerves were a fucking mess "I'm sorry. I'm just checking the area. I haven't been able to with everyone deciding they suddenly needed to come after me. I didn't want the data signal registering too close the Telula" "If you hadn't got yourself into this mess, than none of this would have happened" "I know. But on the plus side, when you hand me in you'll have enough money to do... whatever it is you do" Waving his hand, Th'al simply ignored the gesture to continue in the same flat tone "This is true. And I won't have to hear your voice... It almost makes me wish I could wormhole straight there" Huffing at Th'al, it'd be easy for an outsider to think that she truly did hate him, and wasn't secretly a softie under all her creepy armour. He'd seen the glittery blankets and soft toys on her bed, plus anything strawberry from Earth turned her into a mess of love and compliments. Not that they actually got their hands on Earth rations that often. She liked Erathus even less than he did "You're so mean. You're picking on me without even letting me know how your side of the mission went" "What's to let you know? You changed your strategy. That boyfriend of yours got into your head and now you're being stupid again" "Keith isn't my boyfriend" "Mhmm. He's out here. They say that there's going to be a meeting between the Galra, that Earth crew and the head of the police, and government on Erathus" Lance's eyes widened, gaping as he looked to Th'al. This wasn't what he wanted at all. There could be nothing good from a meeting like that... He'd fucking told them. His voice higher than normal as he squeaked "What? Are you joking!? Please Th'al, tell me that you're joking" Laughing happily, Th'al was a bitch "Your face was priceless. How would I know what's happening over there? I was busy thanks to some dumbarse dropping off the universe for movements" Oh thank god for that. Even as a joke, that was fucking cruel. If anything happened to the others, he'd never forgive himself... especially Hunk and Shay. He hadn't even stayed at their damn engagement party, too busy being coddled by Keith... Fuck... If anything happened to Keith because he'd run off... that... he couldn't survive that. Keith was doing so much good in the universe, or he had been until Lance had waylaid his plans and forced him to run off with him "Don't worry. The Atlas isn't really out here. Blade members are though. Been asking rebel camps if they've seen you" Lance scowled hard, realising she'd read him like a book and played him harder than Pidge going at Killbot Phantasm 1. Maybe he should have ejected himself into space while he'd had the chance. It'd be less painful than knowing Th'al could see right through him "You've been fucking with me from the moment you landed, haven't you?" Shooting fucking fingerguns at him, Th'al smirked. Fucking fingerguns. That was his thing! "Yep. Consider it payback for being a little bitch" "You're the bitch. Are you serious about the Blades being out here?" "Yep. Worried your little boyfriend is going to get himself into trouble?" "Keith isn't my boyfriend. And I seriously thought he was smarter than this. This isn't a fucking game" "Daehra said "he's been quite upset since you left". Should I pretend to care and ask what happened?" God. Keith... He could be so stupidly bullheaded. He'd nearly gotten himself killed trying to recover Shiro from Kuron... and then there was that time that Matt told them about, when the dickhead tried to get himself killed. Thanks to Th'al, his heart was beating way too fast, a thick heavy weight sitting in the bottom of his stomach, which might have something to do with the bloating "Nope. You can sit there and shut up" "Someone's sensitive. Have it your way then, "Loverboy Leandro"" Without Th'al bitching at him, Lance's stupid mind had decided to fixate on Keith. The harder he tried to pay attention to the holopad, the more he found he couldn't. His own holopad was on the Telula, he hadn't been able to delete the photos of him and Keith on it, instead he'd wrapped it and left it with a note to Keith. It wasn't exactly hard to lose focus on his mission. He'd be going in alone, before Th'al sent word out. His injection schedule was gone. His mask was gone. His ship was gone. His accidental husband was gone. Their relationship was over but that didn't mean Keith wasn't at the forefront of his thoughts. If he could stop whoever was behind this, Keith wouldn't even need to be involved. Keith would be safe... so would the others, but... Fuck.... he was hopelessly and thoroughly miserable without Keith and his stupid not-mullet. Hearing that Keith was worried about him wasn't exactly surprising, for a while he'd kind of been worried about himself too, but the voices in the back of his mind were quick to speak up. Quick to remind him how fast fucking weak and useless he was, and that he had no right feeling all warm and glowy over Keith when he'd been the one to walk out on the half-Galra. Still, he was only kind of human and a slave to the emotions that Keith had pretty much ripped back up to the surface. He couldn't even fall back to his doses because not a single loose pill, or untainted vial remained in his room, Daehra and Keith had got to them all. Settling in for a long trip, it proved to be just that. Th'al was far more stubborn than him, the woman keeping her silence purely to prove she could, leading to an exceptionally long trip because two could play that game and his Mumma didn't raise no quitter. * Using Zac's program to charter the magnetic fields, the outpost was unfortunately still standing. A dozen half face masked, full rest armour, armed officers were standing near the area landing for the outpost as Th'al landed her ship, Lance half tempted to make a joke over the welcome party, but he had the feeling it'd fall flat between himself and Th'al. Their silence had lasted until Th'al accidentally broke it by cursing her communicator when it started to ring. She hadn't liked losing to him in the slightest, much like Rachel when it came to pretty much everything, yet unlike Rachel Th'al had been allowed to shoot him in both the leg and shoulder with her blaster. Only grazing shots for the sake of appearances, but enough for him to nearly lose control of his emotions. Still, he wondered if he should find it strange that the two blast shots hadn't affected him as badly as when she'd punched him in the face to split his lip and blackened his eye. He'd very nearly panicked himself into oblivion when she'd touched him. His stupid healing was already taking care of the wounds too fast, not that it dulled the pain. His body much more astute to pain now that his medication had been adjusted, and he couldn't simply get high to mask the symptoms. Dressed in his bloodied civilian clothes, there was no point wearing a body suit into the outpost. One of the first things they'd do would be check him for weapons, tracking devices and recording devices. As a "prisoner" he needed to look like he'd put up the fight of his life. Going in unarmed, and armour free... Keith would kill him. So it was a good thing he actually wasn't. The cuffs around his wrists weren't actually fixed in place, a small canister on sleeping gas hidden in the locking mechanism. The insertion of the metal key would shatter the thin glass encasing the gas. Th'al had been holding out on him for the whole damn trip, springing her invention on him quite proudly as she slapped them around his wrists. There wasn't enough gas to knock out a crowd, but one or two Galra on the other hand... He literally couldn't wait to try it out, the potential applications if they could mount it to his suit would be just too good, or if he hollowed out rounds in a more traditional gun... so maybe he hadn't thought that one through, but the potential applications. It all came back to those two words... and the whole surviving what came next thing. The way he figured it, Th'al had already posted she'd claimed the bounty and was delivering him personally on the hunter boards. She'd waited until the last moment to do so to prevent anyone coming after them, plus his time dated beaten and bloodied face photograph proved she'd "subdued" him, and indeed had had held him in her custody. Giving him one final look over, Th'al aimed her blaster at him "Right. Out you get, time to stop bleeding on the floor of my pod" This was Th'al speak for "I've done a damn good job, but I'd like to leave in one piece so I need you off my pod before they decide to just blow us up. Every offence meant" "Thanks for this" Th'al frowned at him "I don't know if you should be thanking me. I'm about to deliver you to your death" "I'm not going to die here. You know the plan" "I know you're a fool. Relying on the gas to knock them out, then taking their weapons... What if they don't touch the cuffs?" "Then I'll smack them against a wall or their faces..." "Leandro..." She really must think he was going to die because she'd never given him such a concerned look as she was right now. Softening his features, Lance let out a soft sigh. Why did people always have to go and get emotional at all the wrong times? "Th'al. We've come this far. I can't let this continue happening. What if you're taken? What if it was your friends and family? They took my friend, they killed another... Now Earth is involved... I can't let people keep getting hurt. For our little space in the universe, I need to do this" "You're a fool" "Yeah. A stubborn idiot who's a bit of a dick. That's what my husband would say..." Th'al widened at his soft confession. Lance hadn't meant to let it slip... or maybe he had. He was hurting and all he wanted was Keith to be safe, so that not all of this was for nothing "You're married?" "To Keith... By accident on Daehra's planet. He broke my heart but I can't stand the idea of him ending up to chopped into pieces and left out here. So I need to do this, and I'm going to do this. Let's head down before they storm the ship and arrest you for being an accomplice instead of a delivery woman" With Th'al's blaster against his back, Lance hunched his shoulders and kept his head down, being the best battered prisoner he could. Normally a bounty hunter would sign their catch over to the authorities, or on personal delivery, they'd escort their catch in and sign over rights. That wasn't quite how it played out. Reaching the small army waiting for him, a large outpost officer grabbed him by the hair, bending his throat back as he was gut punched for his trouble. Gritting his teeth, Lance received a second blow for not crying out like they wanted "I'll be taking my payment before you kill the merchandise" Four of the men behind the one holding him up by his hair raised their weapons towards Th'al. Th'al moving away from him as she aimed her blaster. The man holding him growling "I suggest you leave before we arrest you" "I demand my bounty. I acquired the target" Pulling his blaster from his hip, Lance felt his hair being torn before he was stumbling sideways and landing on his knees painfully, the man holding him activating the blaster into its extended form "Leave" "Fuck this" Raising her blaster and her free hand, Th'al stepped back "Expect to hear from Erathus. This is not how business is conducted" Glancing between the men with weapons aimed, the man who'd just made the silent threat to shoot her, and Lance, Lance gave Th'al a tiny nod. Knowing her she'd find a way to still get paid. No one would take a bounty if they weren't going to get paid, especially over such a large sum. Lance was personally more concerned with her getting out of there alive... And not taking another blow to the gut in case they broke the vial in his cuffs before their group was down to a more manageable number. Still on his knees, he watched as Th'al jogged up the ramp to her pod... oooooh fuck... they were actually doing this now. Better late than never with the panic, but not at all would have been preferred... He was seasoned professional... his mother was going to slap him senseless with her slipper when she found out "It's a little late for panic. You made a mistake coming here" The clicheness of the man's line almost made brought a smile to Lance's lips. Bad guys were stupid. They were always stupidly stupid... Lance kind of missed the organise mess of murder that was the Galra... almost... maybe just Zarkon. At least had a reason for being a bad guy "Technically, that's still to be de..." Smacking him in the jaw with the butt of the blaster, Lance flinched as he bit the inside of his cheek "Did I say you can speak?" Spitting out the bloodied salvia gathering in his mouth, Lance continued "... cided. Now, take me to your leader?" "I... what... shut up. You're in no position to be making demands" "Idiot says what?" "Huh? What did you say?" Eh. It was close enough. Smirking to himself, Lance was smacked in the face with the butt of the blaster again. Losing his balance, Lance's hands went out to stop himself from ending up on his side, his cuffs no longer protected... The Cuban not thinking about how fragile fingers were until the man in charge brought his boot down on them, Lance howling in agony as the digits on his left crunched, the unprotected skin tearing as they broke, the officer taking an extra few ticks to relish the pain he was causing before finally releasing Lance's almost disfigured hand. Being down a hand hadn't been part of his plan... "Take him inside. Make sure you lock this thing up properly. They want it in one piece" "Aw. Don't you fella's know how to make a man feel special" was what Lance wanted to say. Actually anything quick and witty would have been better than the weak whine he let out as two hulking officers hefted him up. Between everything done to him within the last varga, his felt physically drained beyond words, leaving him limp as they started to drag him towards the entrance to the facility. If someone wanted him in one piece, then they wouldn't in a rush to murder him right away... Maybe his plan wasn't all rubbish? This unseen person who wanted him alive could hold all the answers to everything that had been happening in his area of space. Who they were and what they wanted... he couldn't even imagine. They had to be both rich and connected to run an operation like they had been for so long under the radar. Plus, they had to come from a long bloodline or they'd never have been able to inject themselves into the Erathus terraforming without raising suspicion. People couldn't simply turn up and build a city like the Erathian capital if no one out there knew of their family name. There were thousands of people involved in creating and building a city. The level of corruption in Erathus meant having people in every aspect with their ears to the ground, or they'd miss the pulse of the people. Government and police industry infiltration were basic entry level aspects when it came to low income earners, but when it came to the ambassador and police chief... yeah. Someone big had to be out there. Quietly proud of the scorch marks on the walls left behind from their last visit, Lance kept his mouth shut and forced himself to breathe through his nose. If he could have, he'd have bitten the inside of his cheek to keep from talking, but that would only make his aching mouth feel worse. As it was, his mouth tasted strongly of blood. The unwelcome irony coppery tang sliding down the back of his throat, while his bloodied face assaulted his sense of smell for a largely unappealing situation. He was practically suffocating on it all, his lungs screaming at him to open his mouth and gasp down air, but there was no way in quiznak he was giving his captors the joys of his suffering further than he already had. He was Leandro, and he had a job to do. Reaching the cells of the outpost, the room was dull. They'd stopped to throw him through the scanners, take the usual photos, then straight through with no actual paperwork being done. A single red circular light sat above the doorway of the hallway to connected the two areas smoothly. On both sides of the hall were seven barred cells. Prisoners needed no privacy, and once they were locked in, officers didn't particularly care if they inmates killed each other through the bars, as long as they made the effort to look like they considered prisoner safety. Feeling his feet tangle as tried to stand him up, Lance managed to trip despite being in their hold. Angered at the accidental action, the man to his left jabbed him hard in the ribs, causing him to momentarily lose his breath as the man to the right ignored his coworkers antics in favour of dragging Lance further forward. Making it to the end of the hall, Lance could barely see any of the red glow that shone lazily over the first few cells. Somewhere in the distance was a steady kind of dripping, and as far as he could tell there were no windows. With the man to his right releasing him, it took the stranger a few ticks to open the old fashioned lock for the cell door. Old fashioned key locks were only susceptible to lock picking if you could access the face which you couldn't here due to the size of the bar gaped, and by being quiznakking ancient it prevented hacking programs from hidden technology. It was brilliant really. Lance was always all for giving credit where it was due, and this definitely deserved a small clap. Opening without a creak the bars were clearly heavy as evidenced by how much force needed to be applied to get the damn door to move. The officer had to release him completely, push on the door and fight to hold it open as he looked to his teammate. Giving the officer a nod, Lance was propelled forward into the near blind darkness of the space, both officers clearing the cell doorway before the door boomed shut in a way he wasn't ashamed to admit turned his knees to jelly "Any funny business and we will slit your throat" There might have been men on both sides of him, and another four following their trip as they walked painfully slow, but what were all six of them going to do? He only had so much area around his throat. Lance didn't imagine them being the kind to wait so everyone could take a turn "Perfect prisoner. Scouts honour and all that. Thanks for the room guys. Love the uh... darkness. Right. I'll just be here. You guys do your job" Watching as they left, Lance finally allowed himself to grimace as the door closed. Shaking his aching fingers, he screamed as hand landed on his blasted shoulder. Flinching and ducking away, he raised his bound hands somewhat pathetically. The most he could do was bleed on his assailant "Shut up you, idiot!" "Keith!..." With wide eyes, Lance blinked half a dozen times hoping Keith would vanish like a hallucination "...Oh...no... what are you doing here?!" Crossing his arms, Keith didn't look terribly impressed. Probably because Lance had groaned out the second part of his sentence, and the cuffs Keith were wearing didn't really allow him to cross his arms properly "What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" What the... hold up. What? Why was Keith here? He was supposed to be off with the others... and not taken into captivity by the bad guys "Me?! What am I doing here?! This is my mission, Keith!" "Your mission?! You disappeared!" "I didn't disappear. I left. And now you're not supposed to be here... you're complicating things" Throwing his hands up, Keith sounded... snarky and pissy in a way that was kind of hot. Turning, Keith paced a few steps away before turning back to him "I'm complicating things? I thought you'd been taken! I've been looking for you for movements! And are you bleeding? Why are you always bleeding?! Didn't we talk about this? About all of this and agree that you were going to be careful? How did you even get here? Did you fly here?" Keith was going to get them both killed... these cells were probably bugged... "Of course I'm bleeding, my friend betrayed me, shot me and hauled my arse out here" "God! This is why I can't take my eyes off you! Do you even have a plan?" "Of course I do... did... do you have to keep yelling a me?!" "Yes! Do you have any idea how worried I was about you!" "You were worried! I was worried! This is the last place I wanted you to end up! What would you have done if they'd chopped you up, Keith?! Huh?" "I don't know! What would you have done if you ended chopped up?!" Lance spluttered. He was the one in the right here, not his idiot husband who wasn't supposed to be here! He wasn't emotionally ready for any of this! He was supposed to find someway to keep Keith safe... not be stuck in a near black cell with his husband! This was not the plan. This was not the plan at all! "I have a plan, dumb arse! I'm not about to... Quiznak, Keith... you... gargh!" Lance went to throw his own hands in the air before remembering the cuffs... and the very broken hand. Still, his hands went up enough to make him yelp, Lance losing his train of thought as Keith strode over to him. Reaching for his hand, Lance jerked back instinctively. Ignoring the action, Keith's fingers gently slipped under his broken own. The touch sending Lance into a damn near panic attack at the pain, both also with the warmth and comfort it brought. He didn't want Keith locked up in here with him, but after everything, the idiot had come after him. Keith had come after him... and while he was still mad, Keith wasn't dead. Lifting his hand, Keith turned it slightly to examine the skin, Lance assuming it was something Galrary inside his accidental husband that allowed him to see better than he currently could "What the quiznak is this?" "Broken hand... pretty much the only thing not going to plan... other than you know, my fucking husband showing up. Seriously... why Keith?" Keith ignored his question to growl out a question of his own "They broke your hand?" His broken hand? Keith was getting stuck on that? Keith didn't get to ask questions. He wasn't supposed to be here... so why was Lance letting himself be drawn in by him? Why did he feel slightly happy that Keith was angered over his injury? Right. Had to be the blow to face... maybe triggering that bit of brain damage...? He was mad at him. Mad... "Yeah... busted my mouth up too..." Yep. Totally mad at Keith... "Quiznak, Lance... Here. Come here, there's a bed thing at the back of the cell" And now he was following Keith to the back of the cell... Stupid traitorous emotions. He didn't need being fussed over by Keith. No matter how goddamn relieved he was to see and smell him again. Keith had shown up and derailed his mission. He only had a tiny bit of gas. He didn't have a suit. He couldn't protect Keith when things went down. He couldn't even protect him by leaving him, Keith's presence made that obvious. "Lance?" Standing in front of the thin cot, Lance realised Keith was waiting for him to sit down. It was almost like Lance was a completely different person. He didn't know how to think, feel or act around Keith now. He couldn't just laugh everything off. He couldn't crack a joke because Keith would see right through that "Do you need help?" "I can sit on my own, Mullet" "Then sit down. Let me look at your hand... I can't believe they broke it" "I can't believe you can't believe it..." Yeah. His brain damage was definitely in play here because even he was wincing at his own failed jokey tone. A joke he'd told himself wouldn't work. Quiznak. He was going to have to sit... which he did with a long groan. Everything hurt now that the weight was off his feet "... I'm fine. I'll heal..." "You're not fine. I can't believe your here... you weren't supposed to be here" If Keith was looking for a fight, the best Lance could manage was a mental shin kick "Like you were..." "You were missing. You left the Atlas and dropped into nothingness. I searched everywhere for you! Daehra and Lucteal talked to some friend of yours who said you were ok, then the next time they talked you were missing. Do you know how worried I've been?" "I wasn't missing. I was on the Telula" "Which wasn't out here? A whole phoeb Lance... I spent a whole phoeb thinking... thinking you were already dead... thinking the last thing between us was me breaking your trust because I'm a fucking coward" That wasn't playing fair. It was even less fair when Keith crouched down in front of him, sniffling softly as the smell of wet pine mulch met Lance's nose. Frankly he was kind of amazed he could smell anything other than blood after being hit so damn hard. Keith was crying. He wasn't allowed to cry... and now Lance was tearing up. A feared bounty hunter and the prince of Daibazaal crying in an outpost cell sounded worse than a bad joke "Keith, don't cry..." "How can I not?! Do you know how many times I've thought about you? How many times I... I know I should have told you, but at first I was scared and then I... didn't think about it. I didn't mean to tell her, you know I didn't. I wouldn't do that to you..." "Mullet, you need to calm down. Everything is being recorded right now... they're not going to lock us up without recording what we do and say. Sit down properly and take a breath... and be careful with my hands" Keith let out a shaky hiccup before sitting, resting his forehead against Lance's thigh as he shook his head "How are you so calm right now? They broke your fucking hand... and some arsehole shot you..." "I'm not calm at all. You're simply panicking enough for the both of us. Plus, it really fucking hurts to talk, but I did have a plan, and I didn't plan to never come back from this hellhole. I know you probably want to break out right now, but you need to trust me Keith" "I do trust you... I've always trusted you" "Good... don't touch my cuffs. My hands hurt. Now what we're going to do is sit and wait. You know I have those freaky healing powers, so I'm going to get both us out of here when the time is right. Understood?" "I... yeah. My team knows I'm here... does... I..." Keith was such a mess he was talking way too much. Lance wasn't so cold hearted that he'd kick him even further when he was this down... but he did need him to be the more rational one until he'd started healing "Keith. We're being recorded. Now isn't the time to be discussing this. I need you to pull yourself together again, and man up. The bed isn't much but it'll have to do. You need to get some rest, and so do I. All of this other stuff can wait for now" "I... yeah. Your right. I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry" "I don't know if I've forgiven you or not, but I'm not letting either of us die before we can talk about this. So come up here and sit next to me, or you can take the bed and I'll take the floor. They're waiting for someone to arrive..." "I thought they were waiting for you" "Unfortunately I'm not the last guest to the party" Keith let out a little snort, leaning back to wipe at his face as he did, or at least that was what Lance gathered he was going. He couldn't see jack shit in the dark "Did I ever tell you how much I fucking hate parties?" Keith's voice sounded slightly lighter, more hopeful. Like he was starting to pull himself from his slump "Maybe once or twice?" "Good. Good... as long as you know" "I think the whole universe knows. I know things look like quiznak right now, but we're going to be ok. I promise I'm going to get you back to Kosmo" "And I'm going to get you back to... me?" Nudging Keith with his boot, Lance permitted himself the tiniest of smiled at the thought "Maybe. We will be talking about this. All of this. I think you're dick for getting caught, but I'm struggling to think of anyone else I'd like to be held prisoner with... Now, I'm going to get some rest. You should do the same. I have the feeling this is all coming to a head and we're about to learn what all of this has been about" Sighing softly at him, Keith moved to rest his face against Lance's leg "We're going to get out of this, Sharpshooter. You and me against the bad guys" Lance's heart gave a funny beat, he didn't really know how to feel about everything but Keith was finally calm and trying to joke, which meant everything to him in that moment "That's the spirit" Kissing his knee, Keith made to stand "Now get some rest. I'll wake you in a couple of vargas to check your wounds" "Deal" Helping him lay out on the thin cot, Keith sat on the floor by Lance's head. A hand resting gently on Lance's right wrist as they settled down to wait for whoever was coming for them.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

CSUAVS I don't know the number... 30... I think... my nose is stuffy

Laying on his back, Lance stared up at the roof of the command room of the Telula. How long it'd been since he'd left the Atlas, he had no idea, only that his tears had run dry. Once again he was alone. Once again his heart was broken by the one he'd loved. Only... this time was different. This time there was nothing to live for. Planning a hundred juniper berries wouldn't make Keith come after him. Planting a million wouldn't ease his broken soul. The fragile web of trust they'd spun had been torn to pieces right before his eyes. Keith had not only lied to him, he'd spilled his deepest darkest secrets to his mother. That explained why Krolia hadn't spoken to him before the meeting, she was probably silently judging him, waiting for the right time to admit she'd known he was naive and stupid all along. She couldn't let someone as dirty as him be with her only son. The Galra prided themselves on strength, where as he wasn't even able to make it through most days without something startling or panicking him. What good was he anyway? No one listened. Shiro hadn't wanted to hand over control of the meeting, but he'd taken it away like he deserved a place there, and like he deserved to be telling any of them how to do their jobs. However long he'd been gone, it'd been long enough for his heat to come. Long enough for his body to be screaming out for Keith's touches. His kisses. His soothing scent and warm arms. Keith was always so damn warm. It didn't matter what he'd thrown at him, Keith's arms were always welcoming and loving for him. His soft lips pressing kissing to Lance's temple, with nibble fingers carefully stroking his hair. Keith's touches had been his everything. Only his hold felt right against Lance's broken and battered body. Keith had moulded him into something more than he had been. And now when he reached out his hand, there was no one there. The only person he could blame was himself. With the engines running on 15 per cent power, his comms were off, the navigation system was off, leaving the space around him silent. He only needed enough power for gravity and life support. Letting his ship drift, he hadn't checked his position in vargas, perhaps quintants. He'd vaguely remembered pointing his ship towards his usual hunting grounds after messaging Shiro, Daehra, Th'al and his mother so she wouldn't kick up a fuss over his sudden disappearance. She'd fussed way too much over him as it was, so he'd been the perfect son and lied through his teeth over how "nice and quiet life was", and how "risk free" his job was. Yeah. It fucking hurt to lie, but what exactly could he say? Groaning heavily Lance rolled to his side, the view just as unappealing. When he could bothered moving his sticky body from the floor, he'd find a rebel camp to drop the Telula at. It held everyone's personal belongings, something he didn't think about when he'd bolted. All he'd wanted to do was put as much distance between him and Keith. Maybe if they'd talked before, he might have been able to find some way to understand... but he'd opened up to him. He'd let him in. He'd let Keith infect him, change him... rescue him. He didn't want to go back to step one. Not again... He didn't want his nightmares back. He didn't want to wake up alone, or huddled in the corner of the room bleeding with no memory of how he got there. How could he be with Keith after he broke his trust? He'd told Keith he'd needed honesty. Keith who gave him everything else, but the one thing that his broken mind needed. They'd had sex. He'd opened up... literally. Perhaps it wouldn't have stung so badly if it hadn't happened on the heels of that night. * Keith's scent haunted him. The whole ship seemed infected by it. More often than not he'd turned to look to Keith, only to find Allura in his place. He didn't miss Allura. Each conversation he had with her reminds her that she was only a hallucination, and an annoying one at that. Lance couldn't say he'd done a good job of reestablishing himself. His injections were all over the place. His stomach was only accepting minimal amounts of food, and his period hadn't come yet though he felt bloated as hell. Yet he wasn't able to find the effort to care. Keith was gone. Even if he was to turn his ship around and fly back to the Atlas, Keith would have realised by now how much hard work he'd been, and how far Lance had dragged him down. Naturally the pain hadn't passed. The tiny flicker of hope left him unable to wash Keith's scent off his pillows. He missed him. He missed so quiznakking much that his mother would have beaten him black and blue for the number of times he'd cursed the universe for giving him Keith. Wherever he was, Lance hopes he was safe. He hoped that Keith wasn't doing something reckless, or impulsive. That he'd been able to get Lance'a point across in regards to tracking down those responsible for all the disappearances near Ghazex. Lance wished he had the courage to go running back to Keith, but he was so ashamed of how things had played out. He'd shown enough of his shameful sides to Keith... but left alone in this self imposed solitude... he couldn't help but want Keith by his side even if it was to say goodbye. Landing on the far side of Sucrulia, it wasn't Lance's favourite place in this sector of space, but it was the place he was to rendezvous with Th'al at her request. The place was almost all sand and rocky outcrops that reminded him far too much of that shack Keith called home, even the colours were more Earthy than a lot of places out there. No one was around for miles, given this was the desert side of the planet, so until Th'al arrived all he had for company were a few tumbleweeds and a whole lot of creepy purple looking cacti, that were the only unEarth like things there. The other side of Sucrulia was lush, there were ports all along the coast line trading in all kinds of exotic herbs, and spices, and the whole feel of the place was like the golden days of piracy on Earth. That's why they were meeting in the middle of the stupid desert. No one from the other side of the planet came here. No on from the other side of the planet could get out here without the use of a ship. A thick valley of sharp obsidian waiting to murder anyone stupid enough to attempt their way through. Lance had a stupid plan. A very stupid plan, and Th'al was key to it. She'd been pissed to all quiznakkary when he'd suddenly reached out after a phoeb out of contact. It'd been risky firing up his comms, but he'd wasted a whole phoeb without accomplishing anything other than drifting in space, lazily patrolling between bouts of self loathing and remembering he was technically wanted man so had to lay low... not that really stopped him. He couldn't stop his whole life just because he'd been kicked to the curb again. A revelation that'd come after a tremendous amount of self wallowing, tears and Keith's pillows. Lance hadn't been able to bring himself to evict them into the vacuum of space. Th'al kept him waiting for a while quintant. By the time the female bounty hunter showed up, the cacti population had diminished slightly thanks to boredom and his favourite blaster, many now sporting smiley faces that didn't make them any less creepy. Landing her pod next to the Telula, Th'al was just as intimidating as he remembered. Her dark hair pulled into a tight bun, that reminded him of his third grade teacher who'd reduced him to tears over his English, as she strode down her pods loading ramp with her blaster raised in his direction. Raising his hands as if he was actually surrendering, Lance hung his head as she started to scold him. It wasn't like he Th'al were best buddies, they were simply both in the same line of work and had similar ideas on not killing each other over a bounty "What the stars, Leandro! What did you do this time? Daehra was blowing up my comms. Something about you upsetting the Atlas? And why would you return out here? Were you born stupid?" "The jury's still out on that one" "Of all the stupid things you could do. Do you know the Atlas is on the move? There's been talk of Blades being sighted" Great. Shiro hadn't listened, or he'd opted to listen to Keith over Lance and now they were invading his space and threatening the undercover mission Lance had strategised for himself. He needed to get back out to the outpost, and what better way than to be escorted by a hunter handling a bounty? If Keith were there with him, the half-Galra would have already lost his shit over it and deemed it all an unnecessary risk. Then probably would have told him he loved him and fretted over Lance getting himself chopped into tiny pieces, something Lance didn't particularly want to happen but when your heart's just been broken all over again, you don't exactly care for you own wellbeing. "I told them not to interfere. I even gave them a full briefing over how coming out to our little corner would only make things worse. So you can't pin all of this on me. Besides, it's not like I actually wanted to go back to the Atlas..." "Yeah. Yeah. I don't need to hear your life story. I still think this plan of yours is weak" That's because it was "Aw, Th'al. This is why you're still single. I'll have you know my life story is far more interesting than you could ever imagine" Raising her blaster to line the shot up, Lance snorted at his friend "You can shoot me if it'll make you feel better, but I've got a full suit on under these clothes" "Dammit. Fine. Whatever. Don't think I won't shoot you in the foot the moment you get annoying" "I know you will. Are we good to go?" "Of course we are. I'm not some amateur like you are. I've messaged Daehra over the Telula. Thanks for that by the way, she's been blowing up my comms trying to find out if you're alright" "You know how she gets. And you know I needed to lay low. We should probably get out of here if you've already messaged her. The Blade members she's with have an annoying tendency of sticking their noses in where they're not needed or wanted" Glaring at him, Lance was on thin ice when it came to Th'al's patience. Moving to walk past her, he was grateful that she didn't shoot in the foot just yet, though he was sure her desire was strong. With the pod being on the small side, Lance set himself up in the passenger seat of it with a spare holopad while Th'al piloted the ship away from the Telula. Activating his girl's shields remotely, it was a weight off his shoulders to know that everyone would be getting their personal belongings back sooner rather than later. He'd even triple checked that she was in perfect running order for when his team arrived to retrieve her. They'd probably be annoyed that he wasn't there, but this mission needed to come before all the craziness of his private life, and he needed someone more objective than his team to assist in it. They cared too much. They'd blame themselves if something was to happen, which he couldn't be responsible for. No matter what happened the fall out needed to land his shoulders alone. Th'al would leave him if worst came to worse. She'd take her pod and flee before the first shot was even fired. That's what he needed. None of this self sacrifice bullshit. Tapping his fingers against the holopad, he felt something light hit him in the side of the head "Stop tapping so loudly" "I'm not tapping loudly" "If I can hear you, you're tapping too loud" Rolling his eyes, Lance tried to play off the panic that formed at the unexpected strike. He could deny it until he was blue in the face, but without Keith there, his nerves were a fucking mess "I'm sorry. I'm just checking the area. I haven't been able to with everyone deciding they suddenly needed to come after me. I didn't want the data signal registering too close the Telula" "If you hadn't got yourself into this mess, than none of this would have happened" "I know. But on the plus side, when you hand me in you'll have enough money to do... whatever it is you do" Waving his hand, Th'al simply ignored the gesture to continue in the same flat tone "This is true. And I won't have to hear your voice... It almost makes me wish I could wormhole straight there" Huffing at Th'al, it'd be easy for an outsider to think that she truly did hate him, and wasn't secretly a softie under all her creepy armour. He'd seen the glittery blankets and soft toys on her bed, plus anything strawberry from Earth turned her into a mess of love and compliments. Not that they actually got their hands on Earth rations that often. She liked Erathus even less than he did "You're so mean. You're picking on me without even letting me know how your side of the mission went" "What's to let you know? You changed your strategy. That boyfriend of yours got into your head and now you're being stupid again" "Keith isn't my boyfriend" "Mhmm. He's out here. They say that there's going to be a meeting between the Galra, that Earth crew and the head of the police, and government on Erathus" Lance's eyes widened, gaping as he looked to Th'al. This wasn't what he wanted at all. There could be nothing good from a meeting like that... He'd fucking told them. His voice higher than normal as he squeaked "What? Are you joking!? Please Th'al, tell me that you're joking" Laughing happily, Th'al was a bitch "Your face was priceless. How would I know what's happening over there. I was busy thanks to some dumbarse dropping off the universe for movements" Oh thank god for that. Even as a joke, that was fucking cruel "Don't worry. The Atlas isn't really out here. Blade members are though. Been asking rebel camps if they've seen you" Lance scowled, realising she'd read him like a book and played him harder than Pidge going at Killbot Phantasm 1. Maybe he should have ejected himself into space while he'd had the chance. It'd be less painful than knowing Th'al could see right through him "You've been fucking with me from the moment you landed, haven't you?" Shooting fucking fingerguns at him, Th'al smirked. Fucking fingerguns. That was his thing! "Yep. Consider it payback for being a little bitch" "You're the bitch. Are you serious about the Blades being out here?" "Yep. Worried your little boyfriend is going to get himself into trouble?" "Keith isn't my boyfriend. And I seriously thought he was smarter than this. This isn't a fucking game" "Daehra said "he's been quite upset since you left". Should I pretend to care and ask what happened?" "Nope. You can sit there and shut up" "Someone's sensitive. Have it your way then" Without Th'al bitching at him, Lance's stupid mind had decided to fixate on Keith. It wasn't exactly hard. It was all he'd been doing since they parted, not that he'd ever admit as much... but he was hopelessly and thoroughly miserable without Keith and his stupid not-mullet. Hearing that Keith was worried about him wasn't exactly surprising. For a while he'd kind of been worried about himself too.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

CSUAVS 30 is nearly done...

Laying on his back, Lance stared up at the roof of the command room of the Telula. How long it'd been since he'd left the Atlas, he had no idea, only that his tears had run dry. Once again he was alone. Once again his heart was broken by the one he'd loved. Only... this time was different. This time there was nothing to live for. Planning a hundred juniper berries wouldn't make Keith come after him. Planting a million wouldn't ease his broken soul. The fragile web of trust they'd spun had been torn to pieces right before his eyes. Keith had not only lied to him, he'd spilled his deepest darkest secrets to his mother. That explained why Krolia hadn't spoken to him before the meeting, she was probably silently judging him, waiting for the right time to admit she'd known he was naive and stupid all along. She couldn't let someone as dirty as him be with her only son. The Galra prided themselves on strength, where as he wasn't even able to make it through most days without something startling or panicking him. What good was he anyway? No one listened. Shiro hadn't wanted to hand over control of the meeting, but he'd taken it away like he deserved a place there, and like he deserved to be telling any of them how to do their jobs. However long he'd been gone, it'd been long enough for his heat to come. Long enough for his body to be screaming out for Keith's touches. His kisses. His soothing scent and warm arms. Keith was always so damn warm. It didn't matter what he'd thrown at him, Keith's arms were always welcoming and loving for him. His soft lips pressing kissing to Lance's temple, with nibble fingers carefully stroking his hair. Keith's touches had been his everything. Only his hold felt right against Lance's broken and battered body. Keith had moulded him into something more than he had been. And now when he reached out his hand, there was no one there. The only person he could blame was himself. With the engines running on 15 per cent power, his comms were off, the navigation system was off, leaving the space around him silent. He only needed enough power for gravity and life support. Letting his ship drift, he hadn't checked his position in vargas, perhaps quintants. He'd vaguely remembered pointing his ship towards his usual hunting grounds after messaging Shiro, Daehra, Th'al and his mother so she wouldn't kick up a fuss over his sudden disappearance. She'd fussed way too much over him as it was, so he'd been the perfect son and lied through his teeth over how "nice and quiet life was", and how "risk free" his job was. Yeah. It fucking hurt to lie, but what exactly could he say? Groaning heavily Lance rolled to his side, the view just as unappealing. When he could bothered moving his sticky body from the floor, he'd find a rebel camp to drop the Telula at. It held everyone's personal belongings, something he didn't think about when he'd bolted. All he'd wanted to do was put as much distance between him and Keith. Maybe if they'd talked before, he might have been able to find some way to understand... but he'd opened up to him. He'd let him in. He'd let Keith infect him, change him... rescue him. He didn't want to go back to step one. Not again... He didn't want his nightmares back. He didn't want to wake up alone, or huddled in the corner of the room bleeding with no memory of how he got there. How could he be with Keith after he broke his trust? He'd told Keith he'd needed honesty. Keith who gave him everything else, but the one thing that his broken mind needed. They'd had sex. He'd opened up... literally. Perhaps it wouldn't have stung so badly if it hadn't happened on the heels of that night. * Keith's scent haunted him. The whole ship seemed infected by it. More often than not he'd turned to look to Keith, only to find Allura in his place. He didn't miss Allura. Each conversation he had with her reminds her that she was only a hallucination, and an annoying one at that. Lance couldn't say he'd done a good job of reestablishing himself. His injections were all over the place. His stomach was only accepting minimal amounts of food, and his period hadn't come yet though he felt bloated as hell. Yet he wasn't able to find the effort to care. Keith was gone. Even if he was to turn his ship around and fly back to the Atlas, Keith would have realised by now how much hard work he'd been, and how far Lance had dragged him down. Naturally the pain hadn't passed. The tiny flicker of hope left him unable to wash Keith's scent off his pillows. He missed him. He missed so quiznakking much that his mother would have beaten him black and blue for the number of times he'd cursed the universe for giving him Keith. Wherever he was, Lance hopes he was safe. He hoped that Keith wasn't doing something reckless, or impulsive. That he'd been able to get Lance'a point across in regards to tracking down those responsible for all the disappearances near Ghazex. Lance wished he had the courage to go running back to Keith, but he was so ashamed of how things had played out. He'd shown enough of his shameful sides to Keith... but left alone in this self imposed solitude... he couldn't help but want Keith by his side even if it was to say goodbye. Landing on the far side of Sucrulia, it wasn't Lance's favourite place in this sector of space, but it was the place he was to rendezvous with Th'al at her request. The place was almost all sand and rocky outcrops that reminded him far too much of that shack Keith called home, even the colours were more Earthy than a lot of places out there. No one was around for miles, given this was the desert side of the planet, so until Th'al arrived all he had for company were a few tumbleweeds and a whole lot of creepy purple looking cacti, that were the only unEarth like things there. The other side of Sucrulia was lush, there were ports all along the coast line trading in all kinds of exotic herbs, and spices, and the whole feel of the place was like the golden days of piracy on Earth. That's why they were meeting in the middle of the stupid desert. No one from the other side of the planet came here. No on from the other side of the planet could get out here without the use of a ship. A thick valley of sharp obsidian waiting to murder anyone stupid enough to attempt their way through. Lance had a stupid plan. A very stupid plan, and Th'al was key to it. She'd been pissed to all quiznakkary when he'd suddenly reached out after a phoeb out of contact. It'd been risky firing up his comms, but he'd wasted a whole phoeb without accomplishing anything other than drifting in space, lazily patrolling between bouts of self loathing and remembering he was technically wanted man so had to lay low... not that really stopped him. He couldn't stop his whole life just because he'd been kicked to the curb again. A revelation that'd come after a tremendous amount of self wallowing, tears and Keith's pillows. Lance hadn't been able to bring himself to evict them into the vacuum of space. Th'al kept him waiting for a while quintant. By the time the female bounty hunter showed up, the cacti population had diminished slightly thanks to boredom and his favourite blaster, many now sporting smiley faces that didn't make them any less creepy. Landing her pod next to the Telula, Th'al was just as intimidating as he remembered. Her dark hair pulled into a tight bun, that reminded him of his third grade teacher who'd reduced him to tears over his English, as she strode down her pods loading ramp with her blaster raised in his direction. Raising his hands as if he was actually surrendering, Lance hung his head as she started to scold him. It wasn't like he Th'al were best buddies, they were simply both in the same line of work and had similar ideas on not killing each other over a bounty "What the stars, Leandro! What did you do this time? Daehra was blowing up my comms. Something about you upsetting the Atlas? And why would you return out here? Were you born stupid?" "The jury's still out on that one" "Of all the stupid things you could do. Do you know the Atlas is on the move? There's been talk of Blades being sighted" Great. Shiro hadn't listened, or he'd opted to listen to Keith over Lance and now they were invading his space and threatening the undercover mission Lance had strategised for himself. He needed to get back out to the outpost, and what better way than to be escorted by a hunter handling a bounty? If Keith were there with him, the half-Galra would have already lost his shit over it and deemed it all an unnecessary risk. Then probably would have told him he loved him and fretted over Lance getting himself chopped into tiny pieces, something Lance didn't particularly want to happen but when your heart's just been broken all over again, you don't exactly care for you own wellbeing. "I told them not to interfere. I even gave them a full briefing over how coming out to our little corner would only make things worse. So you can't pin all of this on me. Besides, it's not like I actually wanted to go back to the Atlas..." "Yeah. Yeah. I don't need to hear your life story. I still think this plan of yours is weak" That's because it was "Aw, Th'al. This is why you're still single. I'll have you know my life story is far more interesting than you could ever imagine" Raising her blaster to line the shot up, Lance snorted at his friend "You can shoot me if it'll make you feel better, but I've got a full suit on under these clothes" "Dammit. Fine. Whatever. Don't think I won't shoot you in the foot the moment you get annoying" "I know you will. Are we good to go?" "Of course we are. I'm not some amateur like you are. I've messaged Daehra over the Telula. Thanks for that by the way, she's been blowing up my comms trying to find out if you're alright" "You know how she gets. And you know I needed to lay low. We should probably get out of here if you've already messaged her. The Blade members she's with have an annoying tendency of sticking their noses in where they're not needed or wanted" Glaring at him, Lance was on thin ice when it came to Th'al's patience. Moving to walk past her, he was grateful that she didn't shoot in the foot just yet, though he was sure her desire was strong. With the pod being on the small side, Lance set himself up in the passenger seat of it with a spare holopad while Th'al piloted the ship away from the Telula. Activating his girl's shields remotely, it was a weight off his shoulders to know that everyone would be getting their personal belongings back sooner rather than later. He'd even triple checked that she was in perfect running order for when his team arrived to retrieve her. They'd probably be annoyed that he wasn't there, but this mission needed to come before all the craziness of his private life, and he needed someone more objective than his team to assist in it. They cared too much. They'd blame themselves if something was to happen, which he couldn't be responsible for. No matter what happened the fall out needed to land his shoulders alone. Th'al would leave him if worst came to worse. She'd take her pod and flee before the first shot was even fired. That's what he needed. None of this self sacrifice bullshit. Tapping his fingers against the holopad, he felt something light hit him in the side of the head "Stop tapping so loudly" "I'm not tapping loudly" "If I can hear you, you're tapping too loud" Rolling his eyes, Lance tried to play off the panic that formed at the unexpected strike. He could deny it until he was blue in the face, but without Keith there, his nerves were a fucking mess "I'm sorry. I'm just checking the area. I haven't been able to with everyone deciding they suddenly needed to come after me. I didn't want the data signal registering too close the Telula" "If you hadn't got yourself into this mess, than none of this would have happened" "I know. But on the plus side, when you hand me in you'll have enough money to do... whatever it is you do" Waving his hand, Th'al simply ignored the gesture to continue in the same flat tone "This is true. And I won't have to hear your voice... It almost makes me wish I could wormhole straight there" Huffing at Th'al, it'd be easy for an outsider to think that she truly did hate him, and wasn't secretly a softie under all her creepy armour. He'd seen the glittery blankets and soft toys on her bed, plus anything strawberry from Earth turned her into a mess of love and compliments. Not that they actually got their hands on Earth rations that often. She liked Erathus even less than he did "You're so mean. You're picking on me without even letting me know how your side of the mission went" "What's to let you know? You changed your strategy. That boyfriend of yours got into your head and now you're being stupid again" "Keith isn't my boyfriend" "Mhmm. He's out here. They say that there's going to be a meeting between the Galra, that Earth crew and the head of the police, and government on Erathus" Lance's eyes widened, gaping as he looked to Th'al. This wasn't what he wanted at all. There could be nothing good from a meeting like that... He'd fucking told them. His voice higher than normal as he squeaked "What? Are you joking!? Please Th'al, tell me that you're joking" Laughing happily, Th'al was a bitch "Your face was priceless. How would I know what's happening over there? I was busy thanks to some dumbarse dropping off the universe for movements" Oh thank god for that. Even as a joke, that was fucking cruel. If anything happened to the others, he'd never forgive himself... especially Hunk and Shay. He hadn't even stayed at their damn engagement party, too busy being coddled by Keith... Fuck... If anything happened to Keith because he'd run off... that... he couldn't survive that. Keith was doing so much good in the universe, or he had been until Lance had waylaid his plans and forced him to run off with him "Don't worry. The Atlas isn't really out here. Blade members are though. Been asking rebel camps if they've seen you" Lance scowled hard, realising she'd read him like a book and played him harder than Pidge going at Killbot Phantasm 1. Maybe he should have ejected himself into space while he'd had the chance. It'd be less painful than knowing Th'al could see right through him "You've been fucking with me from the moment you landed, haven't you?" Shooting fucking fingerguns at him, Th'al smirked. Fucking fingerguns. That was his thing! "Yep. Consider it payback for being a little bitch" "You're the bitch. Are you serious about the Blades being out here?" "Yep. Worried your little boyfriend is going to get himself into trouble?" "Keith isn't my boyfriend. And I seriously thought he was smarter than this. This isn't a fucking game" "Daehra said "he's been quite upset since you left". Should I pretend to care and ask what happened?" God. Keith... He could be so stupidly bullheaded. He'd nearly gotten himself killed trying to recover Shiro from Kuron... and then there was that time that Matt told them about, when the dickhead tried to get himself killed. Thanks to Th'al, his heart was beating way too fast, a thick heavy weight sitting in the bottom of his stomach, which might have something to do with the bloating "Nope. You can sit there and shut up" "Someone's sensitive. Have it your way then, "Loverboy Leandro"" Without Th'al bitching at him, Lance's stupid mind had decided to fixate on Keith. The harder he tried to pay attention to the holopad, the more he found he couldn't. His own holopad was on the Telula, he hadn't been able to delete the photos of him and Keith on it, instead he'd wrapped it and left it with a note to Keith. It wasn't exactly hard to lose focus on his mission. He'd be going in alone, before Th'al sent word out. His injection schedule was gone. His mask was gone. His ship was gone. His accidental husband was gone. Their relationship was over but that didn't mean Keith wasn't at the forefront of his thoughts. If he could stop whoever was behind this, Keith wouldn't even need to be involved. Keith would be safe... so would the others, but... Fuck.... he was hopelessly and thoroughly miserable without Keith and his stupid not-mullet. Hearing that Keith was worried about him wasn't exactly surprising, for a while he'd kind of been worried about himself too, but the voices in the back of his mind were quick to speak up. Quick to remind him how fast fucking weak and useless he was, and that he had no right feeling all warm and glowy over Keith when he'd been the one to walk out on the half-Galra. Still, he was only kind of human and a slave to the emotions that Keith had pretty much ripped back up to the surface. He couldn't even fall back to his doses because not a single loose pill, or untainted vial remained in his room, Daehra and Keith had got to them all. Settling in for a long trip, it proved to be just that. Th'al was far more stubborn than him, the woman keeping her silence purely to prove she could, leading to an exceptionally long trip because two could play that game and his Mumma didn't raise no quitter. * Using Zac's program to charter the magnetic fields, the outpost was unfortunately still standing. A dozen armed officers were standing near the area landing for the outpost as Th'al landed her ship, Lance half tempted to make a joke over the welcome party, but he had the feeling it'd fall flat between himself and Th'al. Their silence had lasted until Th'al accidentally broke it by cursing her communicator when it started to ring. She hadn't liked losing to him in the slightest, much like Rachel when it came to pretty much everything, yet unlike Rachel Th'al had been allowed to shoot him in both the leg and shoulder with her blaster. Only grazing shots for the sake of appearances, but enough for him to nearly lose control of his emotions. Still, he wondered if he should find it strange that the two blast shots hadn't affected him as badly as when she'd punched him in the face to split his lip and blackened his eye. He'd very nearly panicked himself into oblivion when she'd touched him. His stupid healing was already taking care of the wounds too fast, not that it dulled the pain. His body much more astute to pain now that his medication had been adjusted, and he couldn't simply get high to mask the symptoms. Dressed in his bloodied civilian clothes, there was no point wearing a body suit into the outpost. One of the first things they'd do would be check him for weapons, tracking devices and recording devices. As a "prisoner" he needed to look like he'd put up the fight of his life. Going in unarmed, and armour free... Keith would kill him. So it was a good thing he actually wasn't. The cuffs around his wrists weren't actually fixed in place, a small canister on sleeping gas hidden in the locking mechanism. The insertion of the metal key would shatter the thin glass encasing the gas. Th'al had been holding out on him for the whole damn trip, springing her invention on him quite proudly as she slapped them around his wrists. There wasn't enough gas to knock out a crowd, but one or two Galra on the other hand... He literally couldn't wait to try it out, the potential applications if they could mount it to his suit would be just too good, or if he hollowed out rounds in a more traditional gun... so maybe he hadn't thought that one through, but the potential applications. It all came back to those two words... and the whole surviving what came next thing. The way he figured it, Th'al had already posted she'd claimed the bounty and was delivering him personally on the hunter boards. She'd waited until the last moment to do so to prevent anyone coming after them, plus his time dated beaten and bloodied face photograph proved she'd "subdued" him, and indeed had had held him in her custody. Giving him one final look over, Th'al aimed her blaster at him "Right. Out you get, time to stop bleeding on the floor of my pod" This was Th'al speak for "I've done a damn good job, but I'd like to leave in one piece so I need you off my pod before they decide to just blow us up. Every offence meant" "Thanks for this" Th'al frowned at him "I don't know if you should be thanking me. I'm about to deliver you to your death" "I'm not going to die here. You know the plan" "I know you're a fool. Relying on the gas to knock them out, then taking their weapons... What if they don't touch the cuffs?" "Then I'll smack them against a wall or their faces..." "Leandro..." She really must think he was going to die because she'd never given him such a concerned look as she was right now. Softening his features, Lance let out a soft sigh. Why did people always have to go and get emotional at all the wrong times? "Th'al. We've come this far. I can't let this continue happening. What if you're taken? What if it was your friends and family? They took my friend, they killed another... Now Earth is involved... I can't let people keep getting hurt. For our little space in the universe, I need to do this" "You're a fool" "Yeah. A stubborn idiot who's a bit of a dick. That's what my husband would say..." Th'al widened at his soft confession. Lance hadn't meant to let it slip... or maybe he had. He was hurting and all he wanted was Keith to be safe, so that not all of this was for nothing "You're married?" "To Keith... By accident on Daehra's planet. He broke my heart but I can't stand the idea of him ending up to chopped into pieces and left out here. So I need to do this, and I'm going to do this. Let's head down before they storm the ship and arrest you for being an accomplice instead of a delivery woman" With Th'al's blaster against his back, Lance hunched his shoulders and kept his head down, being the best battered prisoner he could. Normally a bounty hunter would sign their catch over to the authorities, or on personal delivery, they'd escort their catch in and sign over rights. That wasn't quite how it played out. Reaching the small army waiting for him, a large outpost officer grabbed him by the hair, bending his throat back as he was gut punched for his trouble. Gritting his teeth, Lance received a second blow for not crying out like they wanted "I'll be taking my payment before you kill the merchandise" Four of the men behind the one holding him up by his hair raised their weapons towards Th'al. Th'al moving away from him as she aimed her blaster. The man holding him growling "I suggest you leave before we arrest you" "I demand my bounty. I acquired the target" Pulling his blaster from his hip, Lance felt his hair being torn before he was stumbling sideways and landing on his knees painfully, the man holding him activating the blaster into its extended form "Leave" "Fuck this" Raising her blaster and her free hand, Th'al stepped back "Expect to hear from Erathus. This is not how business is conducted" Glancing between the men with weapons aimed, the man who'd just made the silent threat to shoot her, and Lance, Lance gave Th'al a tiny nod. Knowing her she'd find a way to still get paid. No one would take a bounty if they weren't going to get paid, especially over such a large sum. Lance was personally more concerned with her getting out of there alive... And not taking another blow to the gut in case they broke the vial in his cuffs before their group was down to a more manageable number. Still on his knees, he watched as Th'al jogged up the ramp to her pod... oooooh fuck... they were actually doing this now. Better late than never with the panic, but not at all would have been preferred... He was seasoned professional... his mother was going to slap him senseless with her slipper when she found out "It's a little late for panic. You made a mistake coming here" The clicheness of the man's line almost made brought a smile to Lance's lips. Bad guys were stupid. They were always stupidly stupid... Lance kind of missed the organise mess of murder that was the Galra... almost... maybe just Zarkon. At least had a reason for being a bad guy "Technically, that's still to be de..." Smacking him in the jaw with the butt of the blaster, Lance flinched as he bit the inside of his cheek "Did I say you can speak?" Spitting out the bloodied salvia gathering in his mouth, Lance continued "... cided. Now, take me to your leader?" "I... what... shut up. You're in no position to be making demands" "Idiot says what?" "Huh? What did you say?" Eh. It was close enough. Smirking to himself, Lance was smacked in the face with the butt of the blaster again. Losing his balance, Lance's hands went out to stop himself from ending up on his side, his cuffs no longer protected... The Cuban not thinking about how fragile fingers were until the man in charge brought his boot down on them, Lance howling in agony as the digits on his left crunched, the unprotected skin tearing as they broke, the officer taking an extra few ticks to relish the pain he was causing before finally releasing Lance's almost disfigured hand. Being down a hand hadn't been part of his plan... "Take him inside. Make sure you lock this thing up properly. They want it in one piece" "Aw. Don't you fella's know how to make a man feel special" was what Lance wanted to say. Actually anything quick and witty would have been better than the weak whine he let out as two hulking officers hefted him up. Between everything done to him within the last varga, his felt physically drained beyond words, leaving him limp as they started to drag him towards the entrance to the facility. If someone wanted him in one piece, then they wouldn't in a rush to murder him right away... Maybe his plan wasn't all rubbish?

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

CSUAVS prt 30... I should start working on this... but snotty nose

Laying on his back, Lance stared up at the roof of the command room of the Telula. How long it'd been since he'd left the Atlas, he had no idea, only that his tears had run dry. Once again he was alone. Once again his heart was broken by the one he'd loved. Only... this time was different. This time there was nothing to live for. Planning a hundred juniper berries wouldn't make Keith come after him. Planting a million wouldn't ease his broken soul. The fragile web of trust they'd spun had been torn to pieces right before his eyes. Keith had not only lied to him, he'd spilled his deepest darkest secrets to his mother. That explained why Krolia hadn't spoken to him before the meeting, she was probably silently judging him, waiting for the right time to admit she'd known he was naive and stupid all along. She couldn't let someone as dirty as him be with her only son. The Galra prided themselves on strength, where as he wasn't even able to make it through most days without something startling or panicking him. What good was he anyway? No one listened. Shiro hadn't wanted to hand over control of the meeting, but he'd taken it away like he deserved a place there, and like he deserved to be telling any of them how to do their jobs. However long he'd been gone, it'd been long enough for his heat to come. Long enough for his body to be screaming out for Keith's touches. His kisses. His soothing scent and warm arms. Keith was always so damn warm. It didn't matter what he'd thrown at him, Keith's arms were always welcoming and loving for him. His soft lips pressing kissing to Lance's temple, with nibble fingers carefully stroking his hair. Keith's touches had been his everything. Only his hold felt right against Lance's broken and battered body. Keith had moulded him into something more than he had been. And now when he reached out his hand, there was no one there. The only person he could blame was himself. With the engines running on 15 per cent power, his comms were off, the navigation system was off, leaving the space around him silent. He only needed enough power for gravity and life support. Letting his ship drift, he hadn't checked his position in vargas, perhaps quintants. He'd vaguely remembered pointing his ship towards his usual hunting grounds after messaging Shiro, Daehra, Th'al and his mother so she wouldn't kick up a fuss over his sudden disappearance. She'd fussed way too much over him as it was, so he'd been the perfect son and lied through his teeth over how "nice and quiet life was", and how "risk free" his job was. Yeah. It fucking hurt to lie, but what exactly could he say? Groaning heavily Lance rolled to his side, the view just as unappealing. When he could bothered moving his sticky body from the floor, he'd find a rebel camp to drop the Telula at. It held everyone's personal belongings, something he didn't think about when he'd bolted. All he'd wanted to do was put as much distance between him and Keith. Maybe if they'd talked before, he might have been able to find some way to understand... but he'd opened up to him. He'd let him in. He'd let Keith infect him, change him... rescue him. He didn't want to go back to step one. Not again... He didn't want his nightmares back. He didn't want to wake up alone, or huddled in the corner of the room bleeding with no memory of how he got there. How could he be with Keith after he broke his trust? He'd told Keith he'd needed honesty. Keith who gave him everything else, but the one thing that his broken mind needed. They'd had sex. He'd opened up... literally. Perhaps it wouldn't have stung so badly if it hadn't happened on the heels of that night. * Keith's scent haunted him. The whole ship seemed infected by it. More often than not he'd turned to look to Keith, only to find Allura in his place. He didn't miss Allura. Each conversation he had with her reminds her that she was only a hallucination, and an annoying one at that. Lance couldn't say he'd done a good job of reestablishing himself. His injections were all over the place. His stomach was only accepting minimal amounts of food, and his period hadn't come yet though he felt bloated as hell. Yet he wasn't able to find the effort to care. Keith was gone. Even if he was to turn his ship around and fly back to the Atlas, Keith would have realised by now how much hard work he'd been, and how far Lance had dragged him down. Naturally the pain hadn't passed. The tiny flicker of hope left him unable to wash Keith's scent off his pillows. He missed him. He missed so quiznakking much that his mother would have beaten him black and blue for the number of times he'd cursed the universe for giving him Keith. Wherever he was, Lance hopes he was safe. He hoped that Keith wasn't doing something reckless, or impulsive. That he'd been able to get Lance'a point across in regards to tracking down those responsible for all the disappearances near Ghazex. Lance wished he had the courage to go running back to Keith, but he was so ashamed of how things had played out. He'd shown enough of his shameful sides to Keith... but left alone in this self imposed solitude... he couldn't help but want Keith by his side even if it was to say goodbye. Landing on the far side of Sucrulia, it wasn't Lance's favourite place in this sector of space, but it was the place he was to rendezvous with Th'al at her request. The place was almost all sand and rocky outcrops that reminded him far too much of that shack Keith called home, even the colours were more Earthy than a lot of places out there. No one was around for miles, given this was the desert side of the planet, so until Th'al arrived all he had for company were a few tumbleweeds and a whole lot of creepy purple looking cacti, that were the only unEarth like things there. The other side of Sucrulia was lush, there were ports all along the coast line trading in all kinds of exotic herbs, and spices, and the whole feel of the place was like the golden days of piracy on Earth. That's why they were meeting in the middle of the stupid desert. No one from the other side of the planet came here. No on from the other side of the planet could get out here without the use of a ship. A thick valley of sharp obsidian waiting to murder anyone stupid enough to attempt their way through. Lance had a stupid plan. A very stupid plan, and Th'al was key to it. She'd been pissed to all quiznakkary when he'd suddenly reached out after a phoeb out of contact. It'd been risky firing up his comms, but he'd wasted a whole phoeb without accomplishing anything other than drifting in space, lazily patrolling between bouts of self loathing and remembering he was technically wanted man so had to lay low... not that really stopped him. He couldn't stop his whole life just because he'd been kicked to the curb again. A revelation that'd come after a tremendous amount of self wallowing, tears and Keith's pillows. Lance hadn't been able to bring himself to evict them into the vacuum of space. Th'al kept him waiting for a while quintant. By the time the female bounty hunter showed up, the cacti population had diminished slightly thanks to boredom and his favourite blaster, many now sporting smiley faces that didn't make them any less creepy. Landing her pod next to the Telula, Th'al was just as intimidating as he remembered. Her dark hair pulled into a tight bun, that reminded him of his third grade teacher who'd reduced him to tears over his English, as she strode down her pods loading ramp with her blaster raised in his direction. Raising his hands as if he was actually surrendering, Lance hung his head as she started to scold him. It wasn't like he Th'al were best buddies, they were simply both in the same line of work and had similar ideas on not killing each other over a bounty "What the stars, Leandro! What did you do this time? Daehra was blowing up my comms. Something about you upsetting the Atlas? And why would you return out here? Were you born stupid?" "The jury's still out on that one" "Of all the stupid things you could do. Do you know the Atlas is on the move? There's been talk of Blades being sighted" Great. Shiro hadn't listened, or he'd opted to listen to Keith over Lance and now they were invading his space and threatening the undercover mission Lance had strategised for himself. He needed to get back out to the outpost, and what better way than to be escorted by a hunter handling a bounty? If Keith were there with him, the half-Galra would have already lost his shit over it and deemed it all an unnecessary risk. Then probably would have told him he loved him and fretted over Lance getting himself chopped into tiny pieces, something Lance didn't particularly want to happen but when your heart's just been broken all over again, you don't exactly care for you own wellbeing. "I told them not to interfere. I even gave them a full briefing over how coming out to our little corner would only make things worse. So you can't pin all of this on me. Besides, it's not like I actually wanted to go back to the Atlas..." "Yeah. Yeah. I don't need to hear your life story. I still think this plan of yours is weak" That's because it was "Aw, Th'al. This is why you're still single. I'll have you know my life story is far more interesting than you could ever imagine" Raising her blaster to line the shot up, Lance snorted at his friend "You can shoot me if it'll make you feel better, but I've got a full suit on under these clothes" "Dammit. Fine. Whatever. Don't think I won't shoot you in the foot the moment you get annoying" "I know you will. Are we good to go?" "Of course we are. I'm not some amateur like you are. I've messaged Daehra over the Telula. Thanks for that by the way, she's been blowing up my comms trying to find out if you're alright" "You know how she gets. And you know I needed to lay low. We should probably get out of here if you've already messaged her. The Blade members she's with have an annoying tendency of sticking their noses in where they're not needed or wanted" Glaring at him, Lance was on thin ice when it came to Th'al's patience. Moving to walk past her, he was grateful that she didn't shoot in the foot just yet, though he was sure her desire was strong. With the pod being on the small side, Lance set himself up in the passenger seat of it with a spare holopad while Th'al piloted the ship away from the Telula. Activating his girl's shields remotely, it was a weight off his shoulders to know that everyone would be getting their personal belongings back sooner rather than later. He'd even triple checked that she was in perfect running order for when his team arrived to retrieve her. They'd probably be annoyed that he wasn't there, but this mission needed to come before all the craziness of his private life, and he needed someone more objective than his team to assist in it. They cared too much. They'd blame themselves if something was to happen, which he couldn't be responsible for. No matter what happened the fall out needed to land his shoulders alone. Th'al would leave him if worst came to worse. She'd take her pod and flee before the first shot was even fired. That's what he needed. None of this self sacrifice bullshit. Tapping his fingers against the holopad, he felt something light hit him in the side of the head "Stop tapping so loudly" "I'm not tapping loudly" "If I can hear you, you're tapping too loud" Rolling his eyes, Lance tried to play off the panic that formed at the unexpected strike. He could deny it until he was blue in the face, but without Keith there, his nerves were a fucking mess "I'm sorry. I'm just checking the area. I haven't been able to with everyone deciding they suddenly needed to come after me. I didn't want the data signal registering too close the Telula" "If you hadn't got yourself into this mess, than none of this would have happened" "I know. But on the plus side, when you hand me in you'll have enough money to do... whatever it is you do" Waving his hand, Th'al simply ignored the gesture to continue in the same flat tone "This is true. And I won't have to hear your voice... It almost makes me wish I could wormhole straight there" Huffing at Th'al, it'd be easy for an outsider to think that she truly did hate him, and wasn't secretly a softie under all her creepy armour. He'd seen the glittery blankets and soft toys on her bed, plus anything strawberry from Earth turned her into a mess of love and compliments. Not that they actually got their hands on Earth rations that often. She liked Erathus even less than he did "You're so mean. You're picking on me without even letting me know how your side of the mission went" "What's to let you know? You changed your strategy. That boyfriend of yours got into your head and now you're being stupid again" "Keith isn't my boyfriend" "Mhmm. He's out here. They say that there's going to be a meeting between the Galra, that Earth crew and the head of the police, and government on Erathus" Lance's eyes widened, gaping as he looked to Th'al. This wasn't what he wanted at all. There could be nothing good from a meeting like that... He'd fucking told them. His voice higher than normal as he squeaked "What? Are you joking!? Please Th'al, tell me that you're joking" Laughing happily, Th'al was a bitch "Your face was priceless. How would I know what's happening over there. I was busy thanks to some dumbarse dropping off the universe for movements" Oh thank god for that. Even as a joke, that was fucking cruel "Don't worry. The Atlas isn't really out here. Blade members are though. Been asking rebel camps if they've seen you" Lance scowled, realising she'd read him like a book and played him harder than Pidge going at Killbot Phantasm 1. Maybe he should have ejected himself into space while he'd had the chance. It'd be less painful than knowing Th'al could see right through him "You've been fucking with me from the moment you landed, haven't you?" Shooting fucking fingerguns at him, Th'al smirked. Fucking fingerguns. That was his thing! "Yep. Consider it payback for being a little bitch" "You're the bitch. Are you serious about the Blades being out here?" "Yep. Worried your little boyfriend is going to get himself into trouble?" "Keith isn't my boyfriend. And I seriously thought he was smarter than this. This isn't a fucking game" "Daehra said "he's been quite upset since you left". Should I pretend to care and ask what happened?" "Nope. You can sit there and shut up" "Someone's sensitive. Have it your way then" Without Th'al bitching at him, Lance's stupid mind had decided to fixate on Keith. It wasn't exactly hard. It was all he'd been doing since they parted, not that he'd ever admit as much... but he was hopelessly and thoroughly miserable without Keith and his stupid not-mullet. Hearing that Keith was worried about him wasn't exactly surprising, for a while he'd kind of been worried about himself too, but the voices in the back of his mind were quick to speak up. Quick to remind him how tucking weak and useless he was, and that he had no right feeling all warm and glowy over Keith when he'd been the one to walk out on the half-Galra. Still, he was only kind of human and a slave to the emotions that Keith had pretty much ripped back up to the surface. He couldn't even fall back to his doses because not a single loose pill, or untainted vial remained in his room, Daehra and Keith had got to them all. Settling in for a long trip, it proved to be just that. Th'al was far more stubborn than him, the woman keeping her silence purely to prove she could, leading to an exceptionally long trip because two could play that game and his Mumma didn't raise no quitter.

[dredshirtroberts]

So...things that happen in spring:

Weather - all of it at once.

Birthdays - all of them within spans of approximately 2 weeks between.

The changing weather this week has made me sore and achey all over. I don’t feel like moving, all my problem joints are acting up more than usual and my normal non-problematic joints are uncomfortable and stiff. But the world does not stop just because it’s 30°F one day and 70°F the next.

I wish it did tho.

They’re calling for snow this weekend. Cautiously optimistic about it, but definitely not holding my breath.

fuckin’ global warming man.

And birthdays. My mother just had hers on Monday. We had a family dinner on Sunday to celebrate. Next week is boyfriend’s birthday. Mine’s in three and a half weeks. 

I turn 25. 

You know what I want for my birthday? I want to celebrate with people who will value my contributions to the conversation and won’t talk over me when I speak. I want to celebrate with people who value my existence in this world as more than a status symbol and who appreciate my talents and worth. I want to be with people who acknowledge how fucking GORGEOUS I am, and smart and clever, and amazing I really fucking am. 

Most of the people who fit these requirements live far away and/or are very busy this time of year. None of them are my family.

So I guess it’s just gonna be me and the boyfriend - which is fine. I just also kind of...

I’ve been starting a depression spiral and I am fighting ever so desperately to keep myself above the black abyss of self-deprecation and hate. It would be nice to be with people who don’t drag me down and make me feel worse. 

Boyfriend has been amazing every time this sort of thing happens. I know why it happens - it’s because I hung out with my family and they...they do not appreciate how fucking amazing I am. Even when they try, it’s limited by the fact that they are utterly self-centered and more focused on how my amazingness reflects their “efforts” in raising me.

Oh and my parents praise the fact that they did neglect my sister and I. They don’t call it neglect but that’s what they did.

We have STORIES we share around the dinner table about my sister and I LITERALLY LEAVING THE HOUSE WHILE WE WERE STILL IN DIAPERS because no one was paying attention to us. I once went out in the snow in nothing but a diaper with a blanket. I have a very vivid memory of attempting to run away from home at age 3 or 4 with just my plastic Barbie backpack - my downfall was that I couldn’t tie my shoes on my own.

There are multiple stories about this.

My parents are completely alcoholic. They function well enough but they’re alcoholics. My mother went through almost an entire bottle of wine by herself during the 3-ish hours I was over at their house for dinner. My father made it through nearly an entire six pack - again, by himself - in the same amount of time. I then went to Sam’s Club with my father on Tuesday and he bought 7 bottles of wine that I know will be gone by the end of this weekend if not sooner. He laughed about the fact that they might last two days with my mother in the house.

He giggled as he put them in the cart, like he was just buying something normal like extra chips or some cookies or something. A treat, but one you’re “not supposed to have because society says DIE-BEETUS or something”. (not to discount anyone with diabetes. It was a bad example and I wish I had a better one but I do not and I am sorry).

But it’s 7 bottles of wine they don’t need because mom already had 2 bottles from dad, and I bought her one for her birthday (because, fuck it, it was easy and I didn’t have to put any real thought into it and it was relatively impersonal. also less than $7 and she was pleased with it). That’s 10 bottles of wine. Minus the 1 she was nearly done with by the time I left on Sunday. 9. Minus one for every day in the week so far. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and we’ll count todays too, because it’s Friday. that’s 5 more. She has 4 bottles left.

We’ll assume because it’s Friday they’ll “treat themselves” to extra. Add another bottle to Friday for 3 left out of the nine they had by Tuesday. Tomorrow will be at least one more bottle of wine. Maybe 1.5 because they have church on Sunday. which leaves 1.5 left for Sunday dinner and to pregame for Monday. This is also assuming they haven’t bought anymore since Tuesday, or drank more one night than I’ve accounted for here.

Not to mention the beers, or if they went out anywhere for dinner or with friends. 

This is how it’s been for my entire life. I learned how to open a bottle of wine and pour it when I was 12. I learned how to pour a perfect beer (not too much head on it now, tip the glass and pour down the side, make sure the glass is frosty from the freezer that’s a girl) at roughly the same time. My life goal at 16 was to be a bartender and own my own pub because it would make my parents proud and I thought drinking that much every night was *normal*. 

A note for the bottles of wine now that I think about it - these are standard bottles, not the giant ones you can get. Though, to be fair my mother can, will, and has put away a whole giant bottle plus half another in one night before. And I’m not talking an all day drink-a-thon (though they do that too). I’m specifically talking about the hours between 6 and 10. Four hours. 5 servings of wine (at least).

And that’s the easy one to calculate. If they have beer? Forget it. Who knows how many they’ve had until the next day when they line up all their conquests into a nifty little beer-amid they then instagram to their facebook because hee hee look at how much we had last night - and every night!

And god forbid if I start talking about myself or anything I’m interested in. If I want to share it has to be easily adaptable to something my sister can talk about herself with, or something my parents agree with/also like. Because if not, forget it. I would be better off not even there.

And I’m MAD about this. I am so upset about the fact that this happens every time I’m with my family. EVERY TIME.

I’m so angry. I’m so frustrated. And I know it’s because I want them to be better. I want them to be that family I thought I had growing up that I realize now was just my brain trying to protect me from the fact that no one loved me while I grew up. No one gave a shit about me. I didn’t have anyone give a proper shit about me until 2014. Maybe not even 2015.

That fucking sucks, you know? 

My therapist said to make sure I engage in the emotions I feel and let myself feel them. It hurts but in order to move forward you have to let yourself be in the moment with those feelings.

So here I am, at work - thankfully alone, pissed the hell off and heartbroken that this is my fucking life. this is the family I was given to. They didn’t even WANT me. I was an accident.

It’s not okay. But I will be okay. I have a support system and friends who love the shit out of me. People I would gladly take a bullet for, or punch a nazi (though frankly I’d do that anyway) for, or support in any way I possibly can. Because they have my back, and I am incredibly grateful for them. 

I also have a boyfriend who loves me, who cares for my wellbeing and who understands that I am still healing because I have wounds I don’t even know about. Or at least consciously acknowledge. 

I’m broken on the inside but they sell duct tape in fun colors and patterns now so I can mend myself with my own style. And I’ll be loved while I do it and I will love with my entire being - broken pieces and all - just to spite them

Because I have to.

Because I need to heal.