#i wish i knew what 2 do. i wsih i could feel comfortable explaining more abt it bc theres so many nuances 2 this n its all so much

[pepprs]

im uh. starting 2 question my identity again i think and i just. god i don’t kno what to do. ​its not even that deep it doesn’t even fucking matter and labels don’t mean as much as I make them out to b its just. ive been telling myself and other ppl that im bi for so fucking long but like........... am i really? am i really when ive only genuinely liked One (1) boy ever in my life and all the boys ive ever been interested in outside of him have been rly mild and fleeting crushes but all the girls ive liked have been. so much more than that..... like full blown YRS of pining n angst n whatever. (even tho in both cases like no crush or infatuation ive ever in my life has ever gone anywhere and probably never will until im a lot older n able 2 b in a r/s lmao so i just rly dont kno actually..... L!) like god i feel bad for saying this i don’t want ppl to b mad @ me or think im fake or whatever but.im scared that im lying 2 myself abt being bi to protect myself from other ppls judgement or like. lesbophobia i guess? if it turns out i rly actually am a lesbian. like my mom thinks im gonna end up w a guy @ the end f all of this and that im just faking that I like girls and also i have 2 confess that i uh. try 2 exaggerate liking guys and girls in front of her when i see someone attractive on tv or w/e so she’ll believe me when i say im bi but like... what if she’s right and it’s all in my head. what if i do endup w a guy but also what if i do but it’ll only b bc im scared to b with anyone who Isn’t a guy u kno.... like ive liked the bi label bc it’s like . i like the... Opennes? of it iguess n was drawn. To that but i see all of this lesbian positivity on here all the time and im like ABSOLUTELY but also hmm..... Hm? god i wish that were me? bc like i have such a big preference for girls. And always have my whole life and i just. Don’t know if the mild attractions i have 2 ppl who are Not girls count or if the bi label lets ppl Know what my preference is or if ppl think imjust faking everything or if i rly am @ all and im just hiding bhind everything n fooloing myself lol!!!! also it fucking scares me thinking abt this so much bc it took me. So Long. To get comfortable calling myself bi and now im realizing i don’t know anything abt myself actually and never have and the Not Knowing after i thot i did for so long is like. painful lol. like this is the first time ivr ever like. Expressed or Vocalized that inkling of a thought that i might actually b a lesbian pretending im bi instead of keeping it in my head and i just. wow its a lot i am rly scared and uncertain i guess! Haha