#i wish i could say for serious meta thoughts about this but lbr. it's like 99% for ship reasons ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[dreamcrow]

do u ever think about the fact that bellroc and skrael share a voice actor.

[sunshine304]

There was a recent discussion on @wangxianficrecs about commenting on AO3, and from there it kind of went to racism in CQL fandom, because there are so many western/non-Asian writers who sometimes get things wrong – should one tell them in the comments? Or any other way? Or at all?

And I once again thought that I often feel insecure about my writing in regards to Chinese culture. I try to do research as much as I can, double and triple and quadruple check names of OCs, check how it’s done in the show etc. I'd love for someone who actually is from that culture to tell me if I made some serious mistake. But I guess some people don't like that?

Sometimes I wish I'd know someone who actually is from that culture, because I really don't want to mess things up. Of course, there are many Chinese people on tumblr – but I think I only know a few. I can follow them, and reblog their stuff, but I never know who would welcome questions. Some questions have already been asked, of course, and I sometimes can find answers like that. And there are some people who get a lot of questions, because they are known for meta posts, and I don't want to send them even more stuff that's not exactly important, you know.

I did ask once or twice, but didn't receive an answer. Which I don't blame the other person for! Because lbr, I can't tell whether tumblr perhaps ate that ask or DM, or whether they're flooded with asks and just don't have time to answer everything. Or perhaps they simply don't answer these kinds of questions because they don't want to be, you know, the one reference who said that this is okay even though other Chinese people might say it is not. Or perhaps they would have answered, but then they had to do something else and it slipped their mind.

The thing is: I don't know. And I don't want to ask again because I don't want to be annoying. XD

And of course it's not the responsibility of  Chinese people in fandom to educate western fans! Really, as a western fan you can do a lot of research on your own. There's tons of meta already written by Chinese fans explaining certain things in CQL. Just listen to them!

I guess I'd need to be on twitter or discord or whatever to actually connect better with Chinese fans in CQL fandom. But... just nope. You won't ever see me on twitter, and I just don't have the wherewithall to get even more accounts. I don't have time to manage the ones I already have! XD

I also don't want this to seem like whining. XD I make do, research as much as possible, and hope that someone would tell me if I wrote something totally stupid. XD It's just something that I wanted to write down somewhere, I guess. I like to make new friends on here, but it's difficult because I'm a bit late to the fandom and I'm not a prolific creator. Everyone already knows everyone, they've got their circle of people, and that's that. And we fandom olds know that connecting on tumblr is much more difficult than it used to be on Livejournal and the like.

There's been the idea going around that perhaps there could be a list of people who are willing to act as sensitivity readers or are willing to answer questions for fanfiction writers that are unsure about things. You can surely guess from this post that I would welcome that with open arms. ;D

In general I'm enjoying myself a lot in this fandom. As usual, it seems I don't see a lot of the uglier sides of it; I only hear bits and pieces of strange takes that some western fans seem to have, or of insensitive things they said. The mind boggles at some of these things.

And really, I've met some absolutely great people through this fandom (and reconnected with a few others which was simply awesome!); I guess I'm just a bit sad that I didn't get into it earlier!

[lvnce-mcclain]

Lmao I’m too weak willed to not get pulled further into this AU. Basically at this point all this means is that leading up to Eddie Begins, Buck and Eddie have primed themselves for the Big Transition in their relationship. So instead of the fight club arc, Eddie gets a growth arc not rooted in violence. He has Buck to help him through some of rougher emotions that comes along with unpacking all his trauma, but it helps that they can bond over similar nights out stationed. It helps Buck, too, to process through some of the things he’s been too ashamed to unpack, because he’s always thought of being kicked out of the force as this great failure so it means something too deep for Buck when Eddie tells him the army just taught Buck what kind of person he was destined to be; how he wouldn’t have learned this intrinsic need to be actively saving people if he didn’t “fail” at what the army asked of him. That everything has led him into finding what he’s meant to do, and not to question the road he had to take to get there because every step is already behind him.

How it’s a lesson Eddie learns for himself, while he’s learning to let himself be happier while in the moment. That he comes to accept his marriage to Shannon wasn’t a failure because it gave them Chris and the decade or so between them gave them the ability to work as a team when needed to co-parent their son. It wasn’t a failure, because Eddie learns everything a husband isn’t so he feels comfortable entering a relationship with Buck, knowing full well there’s hope for a happy future in the end since Eddie’s more sure of his ability to be a good partner now.

So imagine these two working so hard to get to a point where they can safely and responsibly move forward with their relationship. Imagine how heated the moments would start getting, the closer they realize they are to taking That Step. Imagine the satisfaction for character growth when we see the lessons Buck learned with Abby actually stick, and what a good throwback it would be to s1 when Buck had tried so hard not to be sexual with Abby so as not to mess things up but in the end couldn’t help but start a relationship—and look at him now, and imagine that sweet gratification from Buck jumping into waiting without hesitation when it comes to Eddie. Knowing without a doubt that even the chance to start something with his best friend would be the best decision of his life, and he’d wait forever if he had to. (But he’s really hoping forever doesn’t last much longer, tbh.)

And then imagine Eddie Begins happens. And tbh, Buck wouldn’t act much differently lbr. Boy acted like his entire world was ripped from him when Eddie disappeared, so. I really don’t think that could get much better reaction wise. But man oh man the aftermath would be so much sweeter.

Just imagine the absolute knee-shattering relief Buck would feel at seeing Eddie again—haggard and worn but alive—and him and Christopher spending the night at Eddie’s bedside since the doctors insist on overnight monitoring. Imagine how Eddie doesn’t even fight Chris this time when he insists on staying with his Buck and his daddy, and Shannon doesn’t even say anything about it when she drops off a late late dinner for them before visitor hours close. Honestly, she almost looked like she was halfway considering asking to stay too, but Eddie is grateful she only looked at the three of them with a watery smile that was way too accepting to be anything other than defeat, and bowed out.

Imagine how full Eddie’s chest would be as he watches Buck hold a sleeping Christopher in the most awkward position Eddie knows can’t be comfortable while they’re both shoved into the crappy hospital recliner instead of the cot. Chris is still facing Eddie—unwilling to take his eyes off his dad the entire time he was fighting sleep—and Buck is gently rocking the chair with one foot propped against the edge of Eddie’s bed. Eddie is fairly certain Buck hasn’t realized Chris is passed out yet, because he’s just still humming some off tune pop song that was on the radio on the way to the station at the start of their shift this morning, one hand sifting through the soft curls at the crown of Chris’ head and the other idly flipping channels on the silent tv in the corner of the room.

Eddie realizes there’s no doubt about how much he loves the man next to him as he watches Buck’s—large, strong, gentle—hands brush down Chris’ hair to his his back, nothing but the picture of love and adoration as he sits next to Eddie at two in the morning in the hospital after Eddie nearly died. Eddie realizes this cramped room still feels like home, because Buck is with him and Chris is safe between them. Eddie realizes that there is no way he can make it without having Buck beside him in life the way he is now, for the rest of his life.

Eddie realizes it doesn’t matter that they haven’t figured out the intimate bits of their relationship; he’s had enough stirred within him the countless times he’s caught himself staring at Buck doing something stupidly endearing to know they’ll definitely figure it out with enough practice. And the practice is something Eddie is really, really looking forward to.

Eddie realizes—in between Buck sighing softly and giving up on the TV, switching the power off and changing tune on his humming, making it lower and harder for Eddie to hear as he scoops his arm under Chris and readjusts so his head is better supported—that Buck already knows how to integrate into Eddie and Christopher’s lives as a stepfather, because he’s already excelled at being such a positive adult influence in Christopher’s life that most of Chris’ teachers already assume Buck and Eddie’s relationship status.

Hell, they even had to sit over the kitchen table with receipts and job records and shit this year when tax season rolled around, because they had so many intertwining finances ever since Buck moved in it was just easier for them to do them together to make sure nothing got left out.

Eddie just realizes he’s always had this picture-perfect image of a family in his head and he’s built something so much better, and they’re crammed into a crappy recliner beside him and there’s nowhere else he’d rather be right now.

So in between one breath and the next, Eddie has asked, “Marry me?” like the words are light as air.

Air which chokes Buck, who freezes and has to check to make sure he hasn’t woken up the sleeping nine year old in his arms. He meets Eddie’s gaze with so much burning heat Eddie wishes there was a way for them to get a jumpstart on that practice. “You’re serious?”

“Would never joke about it, not with you,” Eddie tells him evenly, catching Buck’s eyes and refusing to let them go.

“Then yes. Yes, of course,” Buck grins, and it’s a blinding thing but Eddie just lets himself bask in it.

Anyway yeah that would have been cool for s3. Haven’t put much thought on how it would affect 3x16 and 3x17 but I’m sure there’s more you could explore still having Abby come back.

Either way anyway who has stuck along this weird not-fic ride with me thanks! My inbox is always open if anyone wants to chat meta shit like this with me.