#i wish i could just repress all the bad feelings. they're not useful to me. there's nothing i can do to make them better. so why feel them

[neonpigeons]

I feel. so bad most of the time. and I know it's because my needs aren't being met. I'm always understimulated because doing anything is a monumental task. there are things I want to talk about cuz it's what my brain is insane over but I have nobody to talk about it with cuz when I do, people don't respond. I feel so lonely and stupid.

[icedragonlizard]

As you may have seen on my Kirby therapy tier list, I put Kirby himself in the "needs therapy" tier.

I've seen people argue that Kirby doesn't need therapy or that he could even be the one playing therapist to others in the series. I don't disagree with these sentiments, although it's just a matter of interpretation more than anything.

There are actual reasons as to why I put Kirby himself in the tier where he is. I'll make it clear that it's based on my personal interpretation of him, but here's why:

I get the sense that Kirby must be really feeling the weight on his non-existent shoulders to be playing the hero all the time. He's been through so much, has confronted so many eldritch horrors, and have saved so many people, and it definitely has to be affecting him mentally. Even if he attempts to repress it, that doesn't mean the stress isn't there.

And the thing is that Kirby, at least in my interpretation, is a bleeding heart. He cares about people so much. He's always been wanting to help others that need it. He feels like it's an obligation for him. If he ends up failing to save someone, it hurts him. It would hurt him and break his heart if one of his friends were to die, or if a loved one of one of his friends were to die.

I'll mention two incidents where he feels like he failed: the deaths of Sectonia and Max Haltmann.

Kirby wishes that he helped save them, and it really hurt him that he didn't. When he was informed by Taranza and Susie that they were trying to save their respective loved ones, and told him about their backstories and how Sectonia and Haltmann weren't always evil and that they were corrupted by outside forces, it broke his heart. Both situations broke his heart. He wishes he could've helped Taranza and Susie get the happy endings that he believes they deserved, and the fact that it didn't happen makes him feel like he failed them.

Taranza and Susie aren't mad at Kirby over it, though. They understand that he was just protecting his home, and they feel more responsible for their loved ones' death than he is. They're friends with him, and although the process of them becoming his friends was admittedly a little awkward, in the end they don't hold a grudge against him despite the initial bad starts they had with him.

(Note that I headcanon that Susie is generally pretty guarded, as she hasn't opened up about her backstory to most people. But Kirby is one of the people that she did disclose her backstory to, although it was a little while after becoming friends when she did so, and he promised not to tell anyone when she said to keep it secret. Needless to say, learning about the Haltmanns' backstory was really horrifying and upsetting for Kirby)

I've seen people come up with the interpretation that Kirby saved everyone in the Switch games (including saving Hyness and Leongar) because of the guilt that he has over the 3DS tragedies, and I think that's a great interpretation. Enough to make me want to adapt it for my headcanons. And when it makes him look back at those previous incidents, it makes him upset. Kirby still wishes he could've helped save Sectonia and Haltmann like he did for Hyness and Leongar.

And so this is something that my interpretation of Kirby could use therapy over. He feels guilty and that he failed in those two situations. That, and alongside whatever stress he could (secretly?) be having over the weight on his shoulders of playing hero all the time.

I'll mention another thing for my interp's Kirby: After the events of Milky Way Wishes, he didn't see Marx for a long time, and it made him believe that he killed him. It made him sad, because even though Marx did turn out to be evil at the time, Kirby had the feeling he could've been redeemed and that they could've been friends. He would've loved to see Marx survive and do better, but there was a time where he thought that he died, and it admittedly upsetted him.

But Marx came back. It turns out he survived Nova's explosion, and crossed paths with Kirby again a long time after. Kirby was very happy to see that he survived and they became friends. The same also goes for Magolor, because Kirby didn't see him for a while after RTDL and was worried, but he was happy to see him come back and become a friend as well.

At least Marx and Magolor came back and became Kirby's friends, but sadly Sectonia and Haltmann did not and will not. Kirby will always feel the weight of those tragedies.

That sums up my thoughts on the matter and as to why I put Kirby in the "needs therapy" tier on that list. I do believe he can handle his problems a lot better than most of the others in the cast, but there are legitimately stuff he'd need therapy over. Of course, if you're one of those who believe he doesn't need it or that he himself is the therapist, bravo to you. Funny enough, the latter is also somewhat existent in my verse's Kirby too, on top of him also needing it.

[kocch]

this is a rambling post no one is gonna read but I GOTTA WRITE IT because i've watched the whole 911 show in the past five months and never really talked about it, so i gotta say some things that are important to me (some might be unpopular opinions idk i don't really know the fandom, i've only checked the tag in the past weeks for s8 and all i can see is mostly annoying fanwars about which ship is better)

my dash could be biased and tumblr itself could be biased for mlm ships BUT WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS SHOW HAS LESBIANS. like. i'm gonna use the few screencaps i posted here on tumblr while i was binge-watching the show buT

they're everything they're the best they're all i've ever wanted and they're not talked about enough, i don't know if it's because they're a wlw ship and they're a BLACK wlw ship or it's just that they're an enstablished couple and all, but damn i wish i saw them more in my dash and here on the freaking gay website because they have given me so many emotions through the seasons and they're SOLID and i just love them so much :( of course i know karen is not always present because it's a procedural show and sometimes the characters disappear for episodes, but they've solidified 911 in my heart . because damn this show is QUEER and it has been queer since day 1

my top faves are chim maddie hen and buck ok i don't make the rules they're the best but I LOVE THEM ALL and i think one of the best things of this show is the found family concept. you just gotta love them all. even if sometimes they have crazy writing moments through the seasons (like when buck tried to sue 118 or when eddie left 118 jfefhrf)

i love LOVE LOVE 911 because of all the feelings, the found family, how inclusive it feels with all the queer storylines and how diverse the main cast is (but also the case-of-the-day cast too... i'm a fan of another procedural like fringe, it was the 2010 and it was the whitest thing ever, (and the production was racist too) things have changed) BUT IT'S still copaganda. athena grant is a lot of copaganda. the two things can coexist i can love her and despise her story at times ok.

i hope we get a great henren/madney storyline in season 8 because (they're literally my faves) they're the best. i kinda wish for chim and maddie to long for a second children, now that they have mara in their lives? I'm not sure, i just know i need more of them. they're literally . so good to me. they've captivated my heart in s2 and they never left. the potential chim and maddie had was so great, but timing, trauma, depression, many things were keeping them apart, and every win felt EARNED. i just think sometimes straights have rights and that's madney's case.

i love buck like anyone in the fandom, but i think part of the craze on tumblr is due to his bisexual storyline and i gotta say... i do enjoy bucktommy. atm they're cute. being silly and in the honeymoon phase. do i ship buddie? i do, there are so many GREAT things through the seasons that make you feel - wow they could be perfect together - but that doesn't mean i will hate on bucktommy for now (yeah, i know, tommy was horrible in the past, yeah he was closeted and repressed, yeah he could have been better, he was racist and homophobic, i know, but i guess he got better since the characters are ok with him? sometimes we'll never get that resolution on screen) (i think all of them had their bad moments as characters, i mean, i could open a whole file about athena being a bad cop and still she's everyone's faves)

getting back to buck i did love his bisexuality storyline and i love him BEING BISEXUAL, it's not about tommy or about eddie or about anyone it's about him being bisexual. in his early 30s. BUT I gotta say, for how writers have written these characters, for me it made so much more sense for eddie to turn out gay than buck having his bi moment (and it's because of the writing). it makes sense for buck to be bisexual because he has always loved women and he's tried to make his relationships work, unlike eddie, but then he found out he also like men. he had soo many queer hints around him and it's just. fitting. i love him to bits. i wish s7 was longer so we could get things a bit slower, the pace was fast but i loved it. AND DAMN buck was jealous of eddie because of tommy? or of tommy because of eddie? I wonder.

i'm not sure 100% they'll go with buddie for now, but maybe it's just i am not an optimistic per se and i wanna see where they go with eddie's personal growth BUT eddie is gay. he gotta be gay. that man only had one love in his life, shannon, and that love is an idea he has. he thinks they had a great love story, but the truth is that they met when they were young, she got pregnant, he ran away from her for years with the military stuff, then he came back and she ran away, then they got together but still she asked for divorce and then she died. he denies her leaving him because of an idea of something that never really existed. even if he loved her, i'm sure he did love her but, it wasn't something perfect or functioning like bathena henren and madney. eddie is a terrible romantic partner (he's a good dad, but a terrible guy to date lbr) and it's because he's gay. i know everyone in the fandom agrees but i gotta write it down ok. when he's forced to date he feels like he has to perform? he self-sabotage all his relationships with women?? his love stories always end because of him? he had panic attack because of committing to ana??? come on ? the marisol storyline?? That shit is insane if he isn't gay

and that's why i'm asking for eddie to come to terms with who HE REALLY IS without christopher in his life. he's not just chris dad. he gotta stop running away. they have the possibility to make a great storyline for him, after several weird seasons for the poor guy. he gotta understand and accept himself and then maybe he'll work out the things with his son. this is one of the most exciting storylines for s8 and i really hope we get it. if we don't we need a PROPER story that makes sense with all of that tbh.

i'm ok with buddie happening in another season tbh i just want eddie to come to terms with his sexuality. i just love good writing and this show has its great moments with characters and that's why i love it, because it has heart. it has incredible characters i love.

i do love bathena and bobby and athena even if it might not be obvious in this post hahah and i wish we could get back may and henry, i miss athena having actually children

[animentality]

we talk a lot about how much ketheric hated durgetash, but what about how much orin hated durgetash? either she despised her sibling and hated seeing them happy (and also distracted from bhaal), or she actually got along pretty well with her sibling until gortash came and ruined it. she must have been so jealous, but not jealous in a “i wish it were me fucking durge/gortash” way, jealous in a “im the only one who seems to be taking this group project seriously but you’re the two getting the credit from teacher” way.

See, but here's the more tragic thing to consider...

Yes, the idea of Orin always hating Durge, and then flying off the handle because she can't handle being perpetually single and pretending it's for religious radicalism reasons is funny.

But what if Orin genuinely cared for them, because they were nicer to her than anyone else?

What if they actually had a somewhat decent relationship because deep down, they know they aren't that different?

The Dark Urge killed their parents, and they had to have felt regret...but they pushed down their feelings, and embraced being a Bhaalspawn, because what else could they do, really?

Their father would literally DISSOLVE them if they disobeyed.

But maybe they'd look at this younger fellow Bhaalspawn, and they'd remember having a childhood before that...and they'd feel bad for her. Take her under their wing.

And she, in turn, wouldn't be used to having someone who actually treats her kindly, or at least, with any degree of mercy?

I'm not sure where I read it, but I think it's mentioned somewhere, or was supposed to be in the game or something, that she tried to resist Bhaal once in the past, but was shut down.

And that is really sad to consider, because maybe Orin knew she was trapped, so, like the Dark Urge, she chose to embrace her heritage because she had no other choice.

But she and the Dark Urge have this in common, and that's why they'd get along...

Until. That fucking Chosen of Bane...

Suddenly the Dark Urge isn't spending any time with her...suddenly, they're moody, withdrawn.

Defensively angry.

See, there's a nasty note from the Dark Urge to Orin in her bedroom...

They say that Orin's blood is "impure."

And I can see why that would hurt Orin a lot...but in HER note, she just mentions how she hates how close Durge is with Gortash?

So maybe.

Hear me out...

Orin had NOT been planning on usurping the Dark Urge at all, like Sarevok says, until they met Gortash.

THEN, she felt betrayed.

Like...I thought we were alike. I thought you knew how it felt, to repress your feelings, and to embrace your destiny, instead of your own needs...but here you are.

Embracing a Banite...spending less time in the temple...with me.

So rather than feeling betrayed because she "loves" Bhaal...deep down, on a subconscious level... she's devastated because the only person she felt could understand her...was becoming someone new.

And she hated it.

And anon...

Orin is an artist at heart.

Creating grisly art was her way of expressing her individuality.

The Dark Urge mentions that they admire her art... but also that it's "useless" because Bhaal doesn't care for it...

Maybe they used to encourage her to be artistic as a child?

Because they know better than anyone, how you must suppress any sense of individuality as a Bhaalspawn. That's not what you were made for. But they knew it helped her emotionally.

And before Gortash, they lightly encouraged it, or at least allowed it...but then she starts being abrasive and complaining about Gortash.

She starts saying, do you truly serve Bhaal, or Enver Gortash, and they'd snap back, because they're defensive about it right, that she doesn't really understand what Bhaal wants???

So I think the Dark Urge showing contempt for her artwork was just a coping mechanism.

They had abandoned their individuality a long time ago, but suddenly this Enver Gortash says he likes them for them...he says, I love how smart you are...and they feel like...they're more than a Bhaalspawn...

And Orin is hurt and betrayed, because she thought they were in this together...and they're confused and anxious, over this problem that they can't simply kill...

So in short, anon.

Yes.

I think the Dark Urge and Gortash's relationship DID put a huge strain on the Dark Urge's relationship with Orin.

I think it would've really broken her heart, to know she was alone with just Bhaal for company.

I also think she needn't have worried, because they'd both get what was coming to them anyway in the end.

They were never going to last forever, her own actions be damned.

Alas, anon.

I feel...so sorry for them all.

[defiedlife]

META + love (Aventurine)

send  [ META ] + a word / phrase / person / etc for a headcanon.

Love is such a loaded concept for Aventurine. I cannot stress this enough. Despite everything he's been through, he has so much love to give to others, just as he always has. Let's talk familial first, since that's where it all started—

He's never forgotten where he came from, and for as far back as he can remember (which is nearly as far back as possible; he's got an excellent memory), he has always loved his family, even the father he never met. Even though they're all gone, they're still the most important people in his life, and he loves them vastly more than he loves himself. His mother, father, and older sister will always, always have a special place in his heart. They were his whole world once, and the only source of any type of true love he has ever known. He knows he was deeply loved by them, and they're the main reason he's been able to hold onto the concept of love and believe in it despite all the trauma and tragedy he has survived since then.

He doesn't currently have anyone else he specifically regards as family, but he wishes that he did. He sorely misses his family on a daily basis, and he will always long to have someone in his life to fill that void—not to replace his lost loved ones, but to let him feel that same kind of love again and remind him that it still exists in more places than his memory.

Now, onto platonic love—mainly friendship, since he doesn't definitively have any platonic relationships that go deeper than that. That said, buckle up.

First of all, let me put this out there—no, friends are not "weapons of the Avgins," nor did his parents teach him that. That was a bluff he came up with on the spot, likely to serve two purposes; one, to make himself seem a little less pathetic after openly admitting he never had a formal education, and two (and more importantly), to give anyone observing his conversation with Ratio a reason to believe it to be normal (rather than strange or desperate) that he'd go around Penacony collecting new allies like one might collect coins or marbles.

Weaponizing friendships is, however, both a defensive and offensive technique that he has come to utilize and lean on when necessary. He doesn't take any pride in doing so, but if it's his best course of action to achieve an important goal, he'll go for it—with one caveat.

He will never, ever use another person he cares about in order to advance his schemes if he believes doing so would put them in any real danger. In his plans, the only person in any significant danger will only ever be himself. No one else gets hurt; not if he can help it. No one.

This is because, despite how things might seem on the surface, friendships are genuinely important to him. Yes, he'll make a friend and probably mentally catalogue how knowing this specific person could come in handy in the future, but that's due to force of habit at this point. It's an ingrained nature; one he wishes he could do without, but he can't afford to let that habit go because it helps him survive. If he could, he would, because just like wanting a family again, he craves true friendship. This desire is a little more repressed than his desire for a family, precisely because he does have that bad habit of also seeing friends as potential tools, but it's there nonetheless.

He wants so badly to just have a fun night out with friends, or be able to drop by someone's home to hang out, or have a trusted friend he can confide in and vent to; someone who will actually care if he's sick or hurt or having a bad day. Unfortunately, such relationships are few and far between for him, a result partially of his own making and partly due to his trauma and the awful prejudice and stereotypes surrounding Avgins. He tends to make "friends," but keep most people at arm's length to protect himself, either because he's wary of letting them in, because their attitude towards him is negative from the outset, or both.

Thirdly—romantic love. As with friendship, he craves it. It's a craving he feels down to his very soul, and there's nothing he can do that will permanently quiet it short of actually attaining that love. But it's just a beautiful daydream, or so he often thinks. He will pine and hope and try so hard to gain a person's attention and affection if he's interested, but at the end of the day, deep down, he feels he's unworthy of it.

That's not to say he'd be a bad partner; far from it. He'd be attentive to his partner's needs both physically and emotionally, and so long as he can help it, they'll never want for anything. As a Stoneheart, he has ample funds and means to spoil his s/o, and so he can and will. Attention, gifts, and acts of service are all well within his love language wheelhouse. Just...don't ask him to do anything in the kitchen unless he has clear instructions or a recipe to follow and knows how to properly use all the required ingredients, utensils, and appliances. He did not grow up with any kind of kitchen, and no one ever taught him how to cook or bake. Please forgive him.

I already talked at length about his preferences and what draws him to a potential partner here and here, so I won't go into all of that again so soon.

Lastly, I wanna talk a little about Aventurine and self-love. As hinted at a couple paragraphs ago, he really...has none. He knows he was lovable and beloved once, but that was when he was a little kid and his childhood was as good as it was ever going to get. Even back then, though he was loved, he also kept hearing how special he was; how he was chosen by Gaiathra Triclops and blessed with luck, and how much rested on his shoulders as a result. Ever since then, his self-worth and self-love have taken a rapid nosedive. On many an occasion, he's felt that his luck is all he's worth, and that if his luck is the reason he survives while so many others around him keep suffering or dying, it's not worth much to him even though it's all he has.

Deep down, in his own eyes, he's a murderer, a coward, and a failure who always loses so much more than he ever truly wins. He hides it with flashy, expensive clothing and accessories and puts on a smile, but none of that will take away the pain. He spoils himself with luxury to take the edge off, but it's never enough, and he sometimes wonders if he really deserves to have such nice things when he has no one to share them with.

As I said at the beginning, he has so much love to give, and he desperately wants to give it. He just needs the opportunity. He needs to learn that he's worth more than his luck and not a commodity to be bought and sold. He needs to learn that he's still worth loving in return despite his origins and the person he has become.

[tainbocuailnge]

Are Cu Chulainn’s earrings symbolic of his pride in living his life even with the tragedies. Separate his heroic pride because both Caster Cu and Beserker Alter have them. Going through F:HA and the scene where Bazett dies reaching out and grasping his earring + her only wearing them in the epilogue got me thinking thematic thoughts

that's not a bad guess, though I don't actually think it's the case because his spear is mentioned way more often and way more obviously as the multipurpose symbol of his life and pride in it. the earrings meanwhile are only really brought up in the context of FHA

I think the earrings started as just a design element and were given more symbolic weight in being used as connecting factor between lancer and bazett. they're the catalyst that bazett used to summon him and are similar in this to rin's pendant that she used to save shirou's life being the catalyst that summons archer: it's physical proof of a connection they share, even if the parties involved don't realize or remember.

the scene you mention starts with bazett desperately pleading with lancer that they know each other and she won't fight him, but he denies this and forces a confrontation. when they've mutually killed each other she's desperately reaching for the earring in her pocket because upon seeing it all she can think about is that she has one too, that they really do share a connection.

bazett is essentially desperately looking for someone who can "fix her," who can turn her into a functional human being, and in this longing for some kind of external salvation she is unable to recognise any of her own efforts and achievements for what they are. she summoned lancer with the intent of saving him from his fate, but what she really hoped for was for her childhood hero to save her from her own.

the pride in your life part of their confrontation is covered by their weapons: fragarach is the sword that severs fate, the "i wish things had gone differently", and gae bolg is the spear that seals fate, the "I did what I could with what I had". it's a mutually assured kill because neither statement can actually deny the other, you can wish things had been different even if you're proud of what you achieved with what you had, you can be proud of what you achieved with what you had even if you wish things had been different. when bazett's heart is ripped apart by gae bolg it unseals her repressed memories of how kirei betrayed her and she never once received the external help she thought would save her to get where she is now, when lancer's heart is ripped apart by fragarach he voices a complaint about his life for the first time.

the earrings are instead used to symbolise a more personal connection. bazett having those earrings is proof that even if anyone denies or forgets it, they really do share a connection and they really did mean something to each other once. lancer returns the half of the pair he has to finally say the farewells he couldn't when kirei killed her - she meant something to him, even if he can only act on it now. bazett reaches for the matching one in her pocket but is unable to show it to him - she is absolutely certain that they meant something to each other, even if she can't prove it to the rest of the world. she can't cling to him forever, he can't and won't save her, but that doesn't mean he didn't believe in her. wearing the earrings shows more faith in herself, in her own judgement, and in her ability to get through this too.

it becomes a little clearer with the context of bazett's valentines event in fgo too, where the whole crux of the event is that she's scared of seeing lancer again, not because she's unsure of how he feels about her but because servants aren't supposed to remember their other summonnings and she doesn't know if she can take him saying he doesn't know her. it ends on her facing off against a manifestation of those fears by drawing the four branches herself because even if he doesn't remember, she does, and forgetting about it now doesn't change that he believed in her once.

[the-cannabis-lupus]

kimd of weird that you have some normal stuff in your DNI section but like other stuff. dni is strong but 🤷‍♂️

Genuine question: are you saying that you agree with most of my DNI, but there's parts of it you find concerning? Or is it the dissonance between my DNI and the content I post that's the problem?

You're free to block and move on if you don't like it; I actually encourage you to. I am not ignorant of the severity of what I'm playing with here. But I have made it clear that my posts are fantasy about consensual acts. It will probably be made even more clear once I finish cleaning up my theme and my pinned post.

I fully understand if nobody wants to see what I'm posting. I do not understand using my kinks as some kind of morality litmus test.

The only way to engage in these kinks of mine in real life is to do the same things that less-extreme kinksters already do— reasonable impact play, reasonable bondage, et cetera— and simply intensify your headspace with the language you use. People do this all the time when they degrade and get degraded.

Unless ethics are lacking, a sub's partner doesn't actually believe they are a stupid filthy whore, but both parties may like to use intense language (language that is usually not okay) to facilitate a stronger release of energy.

It may not matter to you, but my theory is that extreme language takes advantage of societal correlations between feelings and actions to allow an individual to embrace and process emotions they do not normally get to handle. Emotions are neutral, always. Yet anger, for example, is an emotion that is often condemned by society, possibly due to a widespread correlation between negative actions (like violence and threats) and the fact that anger is often what drives them. I'm sure this is true for other emotions too; guilt, grief, powerlessness, and more. The roles you take on to process those emotions may just look different; a sub may find their repressed sexual guilt to be relieved by a CNC scene.

All I'm doing is reaching higher up on the ladder of "words that are associated with X emotion". I find that the higher I reach, the stronger the release of energy, perhaps because the correlation between the role and the emotion becomes stronger. I am allowed to experience and let go of emotion that is otherwise difficult.

In case someone is going to ask whether I'd reach as high as possible into depravity— things like crossing the lines of age or species— then my message may have been misunderstood. I'll be clear: my kink for fantasy violence and death threats are in no way comparable to "m@ps" or be@sts. It is not about "wrongness."

I've never seen a societal correlation where people get so angry they fuck a goat. Meanwhile, half of all horror movies are about an angry, vengeful killer.

Not only am I severely uncomfortable with the idea of playing with the lines of age or species (even in fantasy), but the very response that allows me to be comfortable playing with the morality around fantasy violence could not even apply to the kinds of kinks that actually can function as a litmus test.

In the least mean way possible, I don't care if you see this or not. I don't care if you come back, or if you block. Do whatever you're most comfortable with.

I do not ever want my blog to become a kink discourse blog, but I think it's important that somebody is actually explaining extreme kinks when questioned, instead of making some kind of clapback and further cementing the idea that extreme kinksters are bad people. I kind of wish someone more well-spoken were doing that right now, but this asker came to me, so they're going to get my answer. I suppose I can't speak for everyone.

[himawarihanahaki]

Why I'm anti-contact and what it means to me

I've seen so many blogs using anti-contact/pro-contact to mean different things, so I just gave up on understanding the nuances and decided to just make a long post on my opinions on it.

Obvious part: is it ok to have romantic/sexual contact with children? No, not even with "consent" (which they can't give, saying yes when you don't understand what you're saying yes to isn't consent). If you disagree, not interacting with me isn't enough I need you to die.

Less obvious part: is it ok to talk to children without romantic/sexual intentions if you're a pedophile? no ♡

Reasons

- Bad for you:

Personally I've never had any kind of attachment to a kid, but just the thought of being in love with one and having to see them regularly makes me want to scream. I can't even begin to imagine how insane that would make me.

There's no good ending in that situation, because if you're a spineless creature with no morals or self control you'll probably end up doing something weird at best or monstrous at worse (bad), and if you're not you'll enter a spiral of repression and self loathing (bad).

The only reliable way to avoid that situation is to avoid kids as much as possible.

- (can be) Bad for everyone else:

Story time:

A few years ago, I found out that one of my old neighbors went to prison for possession of csem, which was made even worse by the fact that he was a teacher and I had been one of his students.

He never did anything to me specifically, but I have a lot of memories of talking to him, receiving gifts and spending recess with him sometimes. I know this sounds weird as fuck but I swear it was normal and every other teacher treated me basically the same because I was a friendless teacher's pet.

The point is that even though I can't tell you a single thing he did with me that was in any way inappropriate, just the fact that I know that I was a kid and he was a pedophile ruins everything. So many memories I have from between the ages of 6 to 8 ish that used to be sweet are tainted forever because now I know that he was probably thinking about fucking me on at least some of them. I haven't talked to anyone else who was his student at the time, but I'm sure almost everyone feels the same as me looking back.

His case is made worse by the fact that he wasn't a non offending one, but even if he was, I don't think it'd make a difference on what I personally feel when I look back at my memories with him.

That experience is the main reason I avoid any and all contact with kids, because if somehow it becomes public information that I'm a pedophile my suffering will be more than enough, I don't need someone to be wondering if I was thinking about fucking them that one time 8 years ago when we were talking about the weather or something. My goal is that every child I come across forgets me immediately or at most in a week and that I forget them just as fast.

About other people:

While I don't necessarily think everyone who interacts with kids (in a normal and appropriate way) is a bad person or has bad intentions, I do think they're being selfish and really wish they would think more about their actions and possible consequences.

I also find it incredibly suspicious, it's really hard to believe you're actually non offending if you go out of your way to talk to kids, but I guess you could just be a little stupid so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

[malepresentingleg]

A little late after the episode but I do have some (over 1k worth) thoughts on BMF and how they handled the whole sex thing that I need to let out before I even go into the tag.

I'll say this show has been very pleasantly surprising the last few episodes, and I was quite impressed with how they handled and addressed very real queer experiences - if it's Pisaeng's beautiful journey with the gay bar, his mom's "acceptance", and the beautiful beautiful rally with the wonderful speakers discussing queer struggles and more.

That's why I had a tiny bit of hope for an asexual Kawi following his comments about sex (can two people who date never have sex? YEAH!), but I wasn't holding on to it very much because I'm a realistic not delusional leg :') So as much as I LOVE this idea and think it could have been very interesting and important and a great opportunity to explore asexuality and relationships - I will write here under the assumption that Kawi is allo and is meant to be sexually attracted to Pisaeng.

One of my least favorite tropes in bl is "the blushing maiden"- where one character really pushes the other into intimacy and the other is avoiding it. If two characters are in a relationship- let them both be interested in each other!!! (uwma and between us are two of my least favorite bls from those I watched bc of that. Bad Buddy is probably my favorite because they show the mutuality of the relationship very well). Some examples for it being done well are MSP - they're BOTH shy and both do want it, they're just kids. When Tinn asks for kisses Gun is flustered and Tinn does it in a teasing way, and very much respects Gun's wishes. Not to mention, he ends up being even more shy.

I think the most similar to what BMF seems to be trying to show would be The Eclipse. Akk is extremely repressed. He's full of self-loathing and internalized homophobia and every time Aye pushes it's to help him be able to do what he wants without needing to admit it. Credit is definitely due to First's superb acting skills because he's effortlessly able to show the audience how much he's torn inside, how much he's very much into Aye, how he WANTS to touch him and be intimate with him, but he's scared and has a lot holding him back. Of course it's not perfect but it didn't give me the ick as much as uwma did, and not as much as BMF did too.

Which brings me to Kawi and Pisaeng.

Pisaeng made this beautiful journey for self-acceptance and embracing his queerness. We as the audience also know how easily things could have turned different and he would marry Pear without even coming out! So we know how much of a struggle it was, and it's reasonable to think- still is, for him to accept his attraction to men. I think that is part of what makes this dynamic between them so jarring - I want to celebrate Pisaeng's confidence, he's being sweet and romantic and giving his bf positive attention in an unapologetic queer way - but then the way Kawi reacts to it makes me also wants to hate it, to feel like Pisaeng is pressuring him and being predatory, demanding without consent.

But it's not what happens. Because of everything I mentioned about Pisaeng, and because he's charming and cute and has been through all that, I find myself "rooting for him" (why are there sides to be rooting for???) and thinking man Kawi is annoying! Didn't he say he's into Pisaeng?? Why can't he show it too, make him feel loved and wanted like he deserves? But that's a mindset I don't want to fall into.

But what I'm missing to feel more sympathetic towards Kawi is what I found in MSP and in The Eclipse - show me he does want it but he's scared, he's not ready, he's shy, anything! But now what I'm getting from him is that he doesn't actually like Pisaeng at all, and all that changed was their official status.

I was very excited for the chat he had with Max (a little bit because he really did sound like an asexual there and I had hope), because up until now he had very good advice and gave great queer insight.

I loved how he talked about his experiences, and said that yes, sex is an essential part of his relationships but - I was so sure he was gonna say it's different for everyone, that Kawi shouldn't do anything he's not ready for and that he should talk to Pisaeng about it.

Instead, when Kawi said he doesn't find sex to be that important in a relationship (ace Kawi! ace Kawi!!), Max kinda shamed him with "well you're a virgin so you don't know", and basically told him "you're gonna do it eventually so might as well now, you're lucky it's with someone you love". Which is kind of a horrible advice IMO. Another approach they could take is tackle why it is that Kawi is so reluctant, discuss his internalized homophobia that still makes him perceive gay sex as wrong and how he can get over it and embrace this part of himself. But the reasoning for him to do it being "just do it" ugh. No thanks.

Another direction I thought it might take and I would have been happy with is Pisaeng maybe apologizing for pushing and expressing hid sadness that Kawi doesn't want him or isn't into him or something like that, and Kawi would then explain and express how much he DOES want him but he's just not ready. ANYTHING. to make me believe Kawi is into Pisaeng and not just forcing himself because he's told he needs to.

The amusement park analogy was a bit on the nose - if you don't try the rollercoaster it's like you haven't really been here = if we don't have sex our relationship doesn't count. Which, ouch. But yeah "it's ok if you're scared, I'll be with you and hold your hand the whole time".

I was a bit surprised they ended up not going, and then again at the car with the roof, but after further thought I realized it was - Kawi saw Pisaeng respects his wishes and doesn't actually cross his boundaries and so he trusts him enough by the end of the episode. Still, the fact they had sex felt... wrong. After Kawi spent the whole episode being scandalized by anything touch related, his conversation with Max, him being scared shitless to find lube, the theme park and then the dinner - the transition to having sex felt lacking. Them just having sex without any sort of discussion about Kawi's reluctance, talking about how it's actually both of their first times (I assume? at least with a man), how it's ok to take it slow.. Idk, Kawi couldn't bear KISSING Pisaeng up until this point, so now they're having sex? It made it feels like he's forcing himself which is the last thing I want for their relationship. I want to see them both wanting each other :')

There were some great highlights like Kawi staring at Pisaeng in bed or calling his mom but for me it wasn't enough to make me feel like their relationship is built on mutual attraction.

[background-character-341]

I posted 11,243 times in 2022

That's 11,243 more posts than 2021!

131 posts created (1%)

11,112 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sunflowersand-bees

@swashbuckling-chicken

@sorry-i-panicked

@no-ordinary-demigirl

@thatonesongyouretryingtoremember

I tagged 1,213 of my posts in 2022

#byler - 131 posts

#will byers - 51 posts

#random rambles - 51 posts

#mike wheeler - 50 posts

#asks - 43 posts

#bylers trying to break me - 41 posts

#mutuals - 33 posts

#mine - 16 posts

#not mine - 15 posts

#el hopper - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#and need to break up and spend soem time apart before they can build a relationship without societal expectations piled on them

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Okay, so I've seen a few posts recently about how Nancy doesn't care about Mike. This has bothered me ever since it started, and I think I've finally figured out why: I relate way too hard to Nancy right now. Their relationship actually reminds me a lot of the relationship between me and my sister.

Here's the thing. I don't interact with my sister if I can help it. It's sad but it's true; that's just the way we've structured our lives. We live in the same house and eat meals together, but that's pretty much where our interactions stop. We've fully separated ourselves from each other.

Nancy and Mike's main issue right now is communication. They don't know how to talk to each other, and the few times that they do try to have a conversation, it's usually an argument. We see this all the time in season 1 when they are having dinner, but we also see this in season 3, when she is telling him that he should respect El's wishes and ends up inadvertently invalidating his feelings.

Nancy doesn't know how to talk to Mike, and I think that a lot of that has to do with their parents' relationship. Karen and Ted clearly don't talk much to each other. They've built these walls around themselves to protect them from this loveless marriage. And without any good examples of healthy communication, Nancy and Mike have also learned to build these walls around themselves. We know this because we've see the way these walls affect their other relationships.

In Mike's case, his relationship with El is defined by these walls, and he uses her as a way of keeping them up. His relationship with Will is similar, though more to the extent that he's the only person who Mike lets them down around. We also see this in the way he represses his feelings for Will. He also has walls around his feelings to hide them from himself.

Nancy is in a similar boat. Her relationship with Steve was defined by the way she repressed her feelings, it was a shield that she used against her grief for Barb. With Jonathan she could let her walls down. But Nancy is still repressing her grief for Barb. We see that with her Vecna vision in season 4. She hasn't fully processed this, and she's hiding these feelings from herself, just like Mike is with his feelings for Will.

Nancy and Mike are very similar characters. They are both selfless and caring and incredibly smart. And they are both stubborn and so very bad at processing their feelings. They've both built walls around themselves so that they don't have to acknowledge that they're hurting. And when you've got these two people with walls and no basis for healthy communication, you get this strained relationship that's hurting them both. You get two people who love each other very much, but are worlds apart.

I think there's some merit to the idea that Nancy is trying to be everybody else's big sister. She doesn't know how to do that for Mike, so she tries to do it for his friends, because they're easier to talk to. They don't have walls that she needs to break down. They don't have a relationship with her that was built on a foundation of repressed feelings and antagonism.

We see Nancy try to reach out to Mike at the end of season 1. She tells him no more secrets and then immediately lies to her about her feelings for Jonathan. And regardless of whether you believe that Mike is bi or gay, it's clear that his response to her question about El is supposed to be a direct parallel to that. Neither of them are ready to keep that promise yet. Neither of them are ready to let down those walls and let the other in.

But that season 1 conversation gives me hope for them. Because the Duffers have shown us time and again that they don't throw in lines for shits and giggles. They don't just forget details from earlier seasons. The same people who gave us blue meets yellow in the west, who gave us numerous callbacks to season 2 in season 4, who paralleled Jonathan's talk with Will to Karen's talk with Mike, didn't just forget an important character moment from the first season. The same show that has shown us it knows how to write siblings, knows how to write friends, and is in the process of writing one of the greatest queer love stories we have ever seen, didn't just abandon this sibling relationship.

I fully believe that Mike is going to go missing next season somehow. And yes this will be great for us bylers who get to see Will looking for Mike with the same intensity that Mike looked for Will. But it will also force Nancy to confront her love for Mike as well as her trauma with Barb. And the next time they see each other they will finally be ready to tear down those walls and truly be vulnerable with each other. They'll finally keep their promise.

The beginning of season 4 is a small moment as far as their ineractions go. It's short and rushed and they are both annoyed at each other. And for me, it's also painfully real. Their relationship isn't bad writing, or Nancy not caring about Mike. It's a tragedy. Another casualty of the Wheeler trauma.

49 notes - Posted October 19, 2022

#4

I love it when a post starts out by saying "This is one of the biggest Byler proofs" because I've seen so many of those and they're always talking about something different and they're always so right, whatever they're analyzing is always 100% correct and can only point to byler and honestly that's the biggest Byler proof for me.

53 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

#3

Okay! Since apparently I'm back on Tumblr now I'm gonna finally make an intro post to stop cluttering my blog description.

WELCOME TO THE CHAOS

My name is Em. I am a minor so if that makes you uncomfortable dni.

I'm a boyflux girl (for now) and my pronouns are she/he/they/ey(/em/eir/eirs/emself).

I am QUEER. I am a VERY STRANGE PERSON. I am an ODDITY.

I'm also an aroace girlkisser. I like girls. I would like to kiss one. Platonically.

I'm married to @no-ordinary-demigirl @thebylerfiles and @sunflowersand-bees and I adopted @weirdo09.

My blog is a mess. Don't expect cohesion. I will do anything I want. 😈😈😈

I like Stranger Things, the Owl House, Amphibia, Wednesday, The Locked Tomb (if you spoil Nona for me I will find you and take your eyeballs) and a whole bunch of other stuff that I will probably add here later.

I think that's it for now. Have fun!!!!!!!!

55 notes - Posted December 8, 2022

#2

Luz: Everything is so crazy right now, and I have no idea what my future holds, but it would be so cool if you were in it

Mike: I have no idea what's gonna happen next. But, whatever it is, I... I think we should work together. I think it'll be easier if we're... we're a team. Friends. Best friends.

Parallels

59 notes - Posted October 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Okay, so I've decided to finally write this analysis that's been kicking around my brain for way to long.

Also, just a note before we start: I wholeheartedly believe that byler is endgame and Mike loves Will. Therefore this analysis was written with that in mind. If this bothers you for some reason, keep scrolling.

So, without further ado:

Stranger Things 4 and Romantic Monologues

We all love to shit on Mike's monologue and how it was a complete and utter failure as a declaration of love. We also love to heap praise on the van scene as a romantic moment. But these two aren't the only two romantic monologues in season 4, and if we take a closer look at them, there's a pattern regarding which ones work and which ones don't.

Mike

So Mike's monologue is objectively bad as a declaration of love. There are a million analyses on how bad it is. And it's very bad. Mike is lying the entire time, uses words that are a direct callback to things said to El by her abuser, and has to be prompted by her brother. Not to mention the fact that the entire thing was in response to Will's feelings, not hers. Mike barely pays any attention to what El actually wants, instead giving her what he thinks she wants. Yeah, Mike told El that he loved her. But it was never really about hearing him say I love you. I won't dive too deep into that; go read this post if you want to know more. But the general gist of it is that the only reason El wanted to hear him say I love you was because Mike wasn't making her feel loved. And his monologue didn't fix that because it didn't come from his heart. It was fake and riddled with romantic cliches and had to be wrenched out of him by the image of her choking on the table in front of her. It's very bad.

Steve

So Steve's monologue is technically two monologues, but I'm going to treat it as one for the purposes of this analysis. I absolutely despise these monologues. But we're already off to a better start than we were with Mike, because Steve is being genuine. You can tell because he isn't falling back on romantic cliches or what he's supposed to say in a moment like this. His six little nuggets speech feels genuine because that is how he feels. It's all coming from his heart.

The problem with his monologue, and the reason why I hate it, is that it doesn't take into account what Nancy wants. And we know that she doesn't want any part of the future he's envisioning for himself because she goes out of her way to tell us. She says, "That sounds like a nightmare". She is very clearly not on board with this plan and the writers make sure we know that.

So while Steve's monologue is genuine, we have yet another romantic monologue that ignores what the person on the receiving end actually wants.

Jonathan & Nancy

This one's a bit of an outlier. Technically, it's two monologues: one from Jonathan and one from Nancy. But they're set side by side like a dialogue, so it makes more sense to look at them as one.

Unlike the previous two declarations of love, these two actually take into account the person on the receiving end. They're about their qualities and strengths and what they see in them. We already know they love each other before they ever say it because you don't talk like that about someone you're not in love with.

But this is also the first time we've seen an endgame couple say the word love in relation to each other. And after they both say they love each other, Nancy insists that everything is fine in their relationship, and you can hear the bitterness in her voice. She's lying. And we find out later that everything isn't fine in their relationship, and they are in fact having communication issues. Their monologues did nothing to change that. They did nothing to fix their problems.

The monologues are genuine. We can feel that. We never doubt that they actually love each other. And we can see that in their reunion in episode 9. But they don't address the actual problems they're having. Something's still missing.

Lucas

As they're walking to skull rock, Lucas and Max have one of the most important conversations for rebuilding their relationship in season 4.

Lucas in this scene is reassuring Max with this monologue. Telling her that she doesn't need to hide anymore because he understands that she's going through something hard and he's here for her. It's a monolgue that's tailored to Max's insecurities. When Max tries take on some of the blame for their relationship falling apart, Lucas immediately shoots her down because he knows that she has so much guilt over what happened to her brother, and what she needs right now is someone to tell her that it's not her fault. Lucas tells Max that he sees her because he knows that she has been feeling invisible.

I see you aren't inherently romantic words, but they do more for Lucas and Max's relationship than any I love you ever has for any other relationship in this show, because they are the words that Max needs to hear.

And that's the crux of it really. This monologue works because it's what Max needs to hear. It's about acknowledging her feelings and reassuring her insecurities. It's about bridging the gap between the two of them.

Joyce

Joyce and Hopper have two romantic moments after they reunite: one right after, and then one at the church. The first one is basically Joyce telling Hopper that they missed him and the second one is her telling him that he was worth that whole trip. Unlike Lucas's monologue, they're both much more romantic moments, but they still follow the same basic formula. Joyce is telling Hopper what he needs to hear.

Hopper's main insecurity is that he only brings sadness and death to the people around him. But here Joyce is telling him that that's not true. They missed him. They want him around. She even brings in El as proof of this. And she's telling him that he's worth it. He's worth all that money, he's worth getting captured, he's worth crashing a plane in Russia. He's worth it. And they missed him.

Will

So, finally, the van scene. This scene has been analyzed a million times. I have gone from thinking that Mike is an idiot with rocks in his brain to being convinced that he knew exactly what Will was talking about here. This scene has so many layers, so much to be looked at and analyzed, and there's no way I can do it justice. This is where I direct you to this analysis. Just go read it, it's amazing.

But from the perspective that we're looking at, from the perspective of romantic monologues and why they work in Stranger Things, this one follows the same formula that the last two have. Will in this scene is doing the same thing for Mike that Lucas did for Max and Joyce did for Hopper: he's reassuring Mike. Mike feels insecure in his relationship with El. He feels like he's not important. Like he's nobody, and nobody needs him. And Will is telling him, "No. You are somebody. You are important. You make (El) feel like she's not a mistake. (El) needs you Mike."

The reason Mike is so moved by this monologue is that this is everything he has ever wanted to be told. And for the first time he feels loved. And Will never once said those three words.

I see you, I missed you, I need you. On the surface those words aren't nearly as romantic as I love you. But that's the point. I love you is too general. I love you could be about anybody. But having the ability to look at someone, see the parts of them that they hate, and say that they don't need to feel that way because you're there? That's specific. That's love.

Grand declarations of love don't work in Stranger Things because they don't actually address the relationship. They don't get to the heart of it and tell you what it is about these two people that makes them compatible. And they don't address any of the underlying problems in a struggling relationship. All the I love yous in the world can't change the fact that Jonathan is lying to Nancy about Emerson. They can't bridge the huge chasm between Steve and Nancy. And they certainly can't make Mike and El's relationship less toxic.

129 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[a-broken-worthless-monster]

I'm tired, I don't even want to spend time with friends on computer, I don't sleep or I sleep too much.

I wish I could shut off feelings and just sleep till I'm wanted for something to be useful or good.

I can never tell if I matter much.

Unanswered questions and silence haunt me and put me in tears (I'm afraid they thought I was crying for other reasons) or this dreadful sleepless dead feeling as repressed feelings build up till I breakdown and need to empty my thoughts or do something else.

It's okie in the end but it still hurts or aches, though maybe it's only okie because it's me getting hurt a little and just trying to give them space or comfort they deserve.

I worry what little reassurance and time I'm given is obligatory for them and I'm being horrible to feel like this.

I wish there was a way to read minds. It's often I can't even say all this, there would be no answer... or there would be anger and punishment. I'm often terrified of that from past experiences.

I just, am unsure if they just decided to keep me at arms length or if they're upset or worse.

I know it's probably busy and tired, I feel monstrous and like an endless problem.

Because I want them to have nice days and time for themselves and to feel free like they deserve.

My thoughts will never shut up, even seeing the bestfriends tag on snapchat disappear makes my head turn into a storm of panic and worry.

How I feel is bothersome and wrong.

I get moments where I truly feel cared for, they let down their guard and be open and that I matter. They're still important and dear; most of the time I keep remembering them from longer ago as a comfort before something happened and they put so much distance up.

I wish I was better for others, I wish I could be truly good for them. I wish had more to give.

I don't want them hurt, or feeling anything bad, or having bad things.

I can't lose someone important...

I believe in them, I know they care... it just feels like they just mean more to me.

[verdantmeadows]

Okay so I finished ILTV and have pretty mixed feelings on it, I enjoyed the relationship between Rae and Claire, but several things such as Manaria and the incest plotline sour it for me. Manaria would have been a really good character, and then she's just written to be a rapist for no feasible reason, which is especially irritating since she's the only bifauxnen. Her regret that she had as a result of repressing gay feelings could have easily been something else. I do not like at all how incest as a taboo is equated to homosexuality as a taboo. I also don't understand why the show needed to be an isekai? I understand it's used to set up so Rae knows what happens and so she can prevent it, but it just kinda gives her a plot armor I don't like. I think it would have been way more interesting if this was just a genuine setting and Rae fell in love with Claire organically and not because she's from an otome game. I think that the things that the plot hinges on with her knowing it happens in advance could have just been something else or done differently. It's not interesting to watch a character who already knows everything that's about to happen for the most part. I also really dislike knowing that one of the princes is "trans", but not actually! She was born female, then cursed to be male, then changed back to female! Like, why? The story doesn't need a trans/intersex allegory? The story DIRECTLY acknowledges homosexuality? You can just...have an ACTUAL trans/intersex character. It feels like the only reason that this character is made into female is to make her relationship with another character F/F. In which case...why not just have her be normally trans? Just have her be a normal trans girl/intersex trans girl? This is already a queer media. Why can't you have transgender/intersex characters? And, honestly, I see people calling her canonically transgender, which I kind of get, but her story reads much more as an intersex story to me, so I wish she was just written as an intersex trans girl or a trans girl. Generally speaking, I really hate nobility/royalty settings that are about nobility and do not attempt to resolve it at all. ILTV directly acknowledges that there is inequality between commoners and nobility, there is even a movement and there are protests against this that want equality between the groups. And yet, the commoners protesting are treated as...the bad guys. And the nobility is framed as people that need to be "protected". It's just weird. Based on what we know from the ending, they're going to be continued to be framed as villains for rightfully wanting to end the commoner vs nobility dichotomy. I know I should be able to suspend my disbelief, but this is just one thing I almost never am able to suspend my disbelief on, SPECIFICALLY in this case because the show BRINGS UP THE INEQUALITY and also has Claire have a superiority complex over being nobility. And her haughtiness over being nobility is treated as exclusively cute and charming (which yes, I agree that it is/can be!) and not something that needs to be fix or remedied. I really hope the rest of the series properly works on this and doesn't villainize the commoners further. The entire main cast it feels affirm that it was stupid for Yu to even hear out a commoner on his want for equality. I also really don't like that it doesn't give us development for anyone really other than Rae and Claire. Like, yes, side characters are side characters, but they bother to give us interesting premises, and even tell us explicitly how insecure Thane is, and then... Do nothing with it. We don't see them develop. Why have so many side characters, tell us about them, then do nothing with them? Like, okay, sure, it's just season 1, but based on what I could find online, they don't really do anything with Rod or Thane. Rod makes sense, because he doesn't really have a lot to change with, but Thane? Thane is shown to have an inferiority complex and then the show just validates it, essentially.

That being said, I liked the show! It has a lot of things I didn't like, but I liked Claire and Rae, they were cute. I wish their relationship had developed organically rather than just Rae being isekai'd, but that can't be helped. I also wish that we saw more of their actual romance than just Rae's one-sided yearning for the whole season. However, because of how it clearly does not portray things like SA and incest as serious cases of abuse, I'm not sure I'm going to look into reading the rest of the series nor am I sure that I'd watch a season 2. I don't trust how it treats sexual abuse whatsoever. Maybe I'm just really petty right now, but this is how I feel for now. The scene with Manaria deeply upset me but in a way that made me angry. I've enjoyed the show, but right now all I can feel and think about is the bad things in the show. But I did definitely enjoy it and like Claire and Rae's relationship. I just think that the setting isn't for me. It feels like sometimes, when it comes to F/F or M/M in animation, you just have to "settle" for any relationships at all, even if you don't like the setting. But I have to tell myself, it's okay to not like the setting. I don't have to settle for it or like the setting just because it's F/F. I think I'm also so upset because I feel betrayed by how much praise I saw for this show without any warning for the incest and SA (I only got incest warnings from people I knew, and, from the person who told me to watch it, long after they had already told me to watch it). I was expecting it to be an absolute masterpiece, and it just wasn't. Which is okay! Not everything has to be a masterpiece! But I thought it was gonna be way better than it was. Still, despite how bitter and petty I sound, I liked it! It was good!

[the-firebird69]

Rage Against The Machine - The Ghost of Tom Joad (Official HD Video)

With the max are saying is Hera and I have created things that will come back and destroy us and put us into a state of being like in The grapes of wrath and I'm already there and they are saying it and trying to prove they're in control and it doesn't prove it to me it proves they're fighting over it and I don't think the other aware of that 100% now and it means my grapes or gonads and we used for it whether of the mind or body and people find out that it was both later and can't figure it out but it is that complicated but a lot of people figured it's JC and Mary and they want you to tribute it to me so the figure here got it and he knows what's going on I think it's a clone and they started to work and they have some bases near camera and others and they know what the empire is up to they're getting their asses handed to them in a big way and they're having everybody else I hope do it to them and the empire is on top of it and they plan on roasting the people in the ship and there's analogy and code everywhere for it but what they're really basically saying is it's going to come back and haunt us she and I and we will be in a state just like the Midwest and they caused that to happen by not properly protecting the fields and they inspired it and forced it to happen and it didn't again they're saying they did it again they're saying this time they say the land will lay Baron because the ship has to come out and hours to be forced out which is what they believe is happening

Zues Hera

All this is very true and I was going to say it but he's right there living it I'm happy for it but I'll say this they didn't miss much of it in these idiot Max I missing the fact that we didn't miss it either and boy are they up in our face saying we missed it and he's right here supposedly not knowing anything seeing it out loud and you Max and very arrogant and this shows it and people are figuring out why. It's well founded you should be but not to everybody constantly your work is wasted and it's starting to show your face is a craggly and you're not eating well you're getting repressed and kidnapped and questioned and killed. That's the price for talking and you people talked at all the way here on purpose to tell him that you are having him do it and it's to your own detriment and loss and he could care less he helped having to do it. And so did we. You're just losers like your little cousins here and holy s*** are they stupid. But you wanted a war and now you've got one and you're complaining like we're going to help you like where your mama or weird Daddy and we're not and give it a rest you stupid assholes you wake up and you start annoying us with that s*** or the other stuff as both the same we go after you you think you have unlimited people and you're wrong. And those mega computers have been down there doing your job not even allow you to access your fools

Thor Freya

I have to tell you something he did it on purpose but we had him do it and he says it every time we should stop saying it we did have them do it both of them and others and it turns out it was not a great idea it seems that the clans have taken off with it and yeah they're pulverizing everybody the clothes near and if you go in there it fuels up the monster which fuels up the ship this is terrible. And you getting rid of yourselves more luck and for Christ's sake you can't figure it out I see how stupid you are in the comments are starting now it's really the max and they don't have proof it's not and we have a huge huge ego and a big mouth and it's really us they have to find out if we took over cuz we're acting like we did we had this happen to him we're grabbing them I'll see what this point is he wouldn't be able to tell either so probably go down with this stuff and he doesn't feel bad at all and he knows it's a big hill or mountain to climb I wish I had to figure out something she's not a child at all and I'm wrong he's got a three year old child for his body his brain is 55 years old I keep putting it on this child and we're getting our asses kicked. And yeah we might do a little stupid we don't think it is coming we can put it on him after thinking nothing of him and we get crushed we have to stop doing it but these idiots are inspiring and they're getting toasted I mean obliterateda

Macs

And we are racing to the hole and it's disgusting because a lot of dumb talk like that it's gross we don't know what to do about it there's no way to overpower it or to calm it down and just will get worse he says you're fighting a creature damn thing could be 10,000 Miles high some people say 5000 so practically nothing we do will do anything it's like a ship and we know it can go in there with certain ships we think and it has to be cadmium laced heavily so I do understand what you're saying

Woody

He's right and his people will all walk around say we have a woody now

Zues

Haha I'd like to say that with him that's for damn sure everybody say the other people how's your woody now

Hera

So he asks the ubiquitous question, how's your... whole

..... family

Hera

Olympus

[a-girl-called-bob]

Like, the thing that bothers me most about the current wave of discourse is the insistence I keep seeing that 'afab trans women' are all just cis women posing for like. clout, or something.

Like, first of all, if a cis person told me that they feel like they have a non-normative gender identity of some kind or another, the likelihood is pretty high that they're not cis. If they're using language or framing that you find problematic, that can be worth talking through, but fundamentally unless you know that they're acting or speaking in bad faith, you really shouldn't do them the disservice of treating them like any other ignorant cis person.

Second, speaking as a trans woman (complicated as my relationship to that may be from time to time), is it really right to say that cis women (or even AFAB people broadly) shouldn't want to be anything like us? That we're defined so much by chasing their gender ideal that they shouldn't have anything to learn from us? How fucking miserable is that? To imagine that we have no qualities worthy of imitation save for those we ourselves are imitating? Bullshit. Any body type, any gender presentation, any look or style or quality of the voice or mannerism can inspire gender envy in any particular person, and it's disingenuous to say that 'womanhood the way we do it' and 'womanhood the way cis women do it' are exactly the same.

So, if you have a problem with someone identifying as a trans woman despite being AFAB, and if you really care that much, I really suggest you put your own feelings aside for a moment and try talking it out. What about trans womanhood appeals to them differently than cis womanhood? Is it some physical feature that they could probably achieve through hormone therapy? Is it just the way that trans women are women 'on purpose'? The language they use may not be what you'd want it to be, but a lot of the language around gender presentation is clumsy and imperfect.

When I was a kid, I told my older sister I wished I was born a girl. This should've been when I realized I was trans, and it's not like she didn't know any trans people at the time, but she just told me that I was only saying that because I didn't understand the struggles women had. It took me seven more years to admit to myself that I was a girl, and two or three more after that to come out to my family. Things have changed a bit over the years, we're fine now, but I think about it a lot. What got that reaction? Was it talking about being 'born a girl'? Was it just, dislike for my terminology that made her snap at me, or was she just not in a place to imagine her snot-nosed little bro as a sister? Maybe if we'd gotten to talk it out then I'd be a different person now.

Maybe if we're less knee-jerk and we talk it out more, less people will miserably repress their identities. Or maybe they're all horrible terrible people trying to get everyone to shut up about trans women's issues by muddying the waters. I'd rather take a chance that some of them are decent folks who don't have the right words - or maybe just don't have words we like - to talk about their experiences. This world is miserable enough without us jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst from everyone who doesn't look like us.

i don't know how ppl can make posts like YOU CANNOT BE XYZ IDENTITY without feeling the overwhelming urge to be that identity. yes i may be amab with a dick and balls but im a afab trans woman now. why are we talking about this. perhaps the harm in "terfs are calling themselves afab trans women" is in the "being a fucking transphobe" bit and not in the "having a weird identity" bit. truly truly truly who gives a shit

[blooming-violets]

Giving preschool teacher Peter Parker a massage, I know those kiddos use his long limbs as a human jungle gym

[from this prompt list] [feel free to request a prompt from the list]

[tasm!peter parker x reader]

Gray Hairs and Massages

"And then, for some unknown reason, Marcus stood up and started singing Jingle Bells at the top of his lungs while Allie attempted to do the worm around him. She hit her face off the floor and got a bloody nose. Meanwhile, Jessica and Kit have climbed to the top of the bookcase and are attempting to jump off, Kevin has Chubs the hamster in his pocket even after I told him not to touch the class pet, Max is spinning in circles so fast that he starts puking, Rowen is crying in the corner because he misses his mom, and the rest of the kids are sitting on the circle time rug looking at me like they've lost all hope in my abilities to run a classroom!"

Peter let out a loud, exaggerated sigh and flopped face first onto the bed after detailing his chaotic work day to you.

"I thought fighting crime was hard," he mumbled into the bunched up blankets under his face. "Preschool is worse than any bad guy I've ever come across."

You repressed a laugh for his own sanity and took a seat on the bed beside him, "At least it'll be good practice for when we have kids. If you can handle 22 children, I think you should be able to handle four with ease."

He peaked his eyes up from his blanket prison to give you a questioning look, "Four? You want four kids now? What happened to only two?"

You shot him a smile and gave an innocent shrug, "Hearing you talk about the chaos made me excited. I want to see you in action. Super dad, Peter Parker. It has a nice ring to it."

He groaned and hid his face back into the blankets, "I don't think I could even handle one. These children are crazed. They're taking over. They know I'm weak. They can smell my blood in the water and they're circling into attack mode. They're going to eat me alive. One day someone will check in on me and my half devoured body will be staring lifeless up at the ceiling while the children have gone completely feral as they feast on my flesh for snacktime. It's Lord of the Flies in there. My head has been pounding all evening."

You chucked at his over exaggeration of the situation and patted his back, "Such a drama queen. My day was lovely, thank you for asking. I got to sit in a quiet library and sort books."

He rolled over and flopped his head into your lap, staring up at you, "That sounds wonderful. Wanna trade?"

"You wish." You brushed your fingers through his thick hair. "Want me to give you a massage? I'll go grab some ibuprofen for your headache and massage away your troubles."

He responded with a pathetically sad whine, "Please. I'm dying."

You scooted out from under him to go grab a bottle of pain meds from the cabinet, along with a glass of water, and your cooling eye mask from the fridge. When you returned, Peter was laying in his boxers and had half unbuttoned his shirt before giving up. His arms were flopped onto the mattress and spread out to either side of him while he stared in a daze up at the ceiling.

"Help me," he croaked, his voice clearly strained from trying to speak over boisterous four year old's all day. "'m so tired. Can't even finish taking my shirt off. Just wanna be comfy..."

"Oh, honey, you poor thing," you chuckled under your breath. "Come here."

You placed his things on the bedside table and quickly made work of unbuttoning his shirt. He shrugged it off his shoulders, grabbing the pain relief next to him and chugging the entire glass of water with it. You helped fix the eye mask around his face and he rolled back onto his stomach.

You climbed up on top of him, straddling your legs on either side of his hips, and started to rub your hands over his bare shoulders. Peter let out a low groan of approval.

"Your hands are so cold," he mumbled.

"Aren't they always like that?" You replied, working your fingers into his large muscles with circular motions.

"Yeah but they feel nice now. You should quit your library job and work as a masseuse. Libraries are a dying breed."

You gasped in feigned outrage, "How dare you speak of my beloved library like that?"

He shrugged his tense shoulders, a tiny smile gracing his half hidden face, "Truth hurts, baby."

"Yeah, well, at least I know I'll never become a preschool teacher."

"Hey, don't mess with us teachers. We're hardcore."

You laughed, "Says the man who couldn't even take off his shirt tonight."

He gave a sly smile, "Maybe I wanted you to be the one to undress me? Maybe I knew exactly what I was doing?"

"Or maybe you were exhausted and lazy?" You patted his shoulder and rolled off him, sitting upright on the mattress. "Turn around and roll over. Put your head in my lap. I'll massage your head."

He did as he was told and settled nicely into your lap, a lingering smile on his lips. You gently took the eye mask off his face to have better access to him. You started with a gentle pressure, circling around his temples and working your way up his hairline to his forehead.

"Imma fall 'sleep," he mumbled.

"Go for it. You deserve the rest."

You continued to work on massaging his scalp, listening to his breathing get steadier and softer, when you looked down and quietly gasped at what you saw. As you ran your fingers through his thick hair, you noticed a patch of gray glinting under the dim light. The more you brushed through it, the more single strands of gray you saw. It wasn't immediately obvious unless you were up close and grooming him like you were doing but, there was no denying it, Peter was graying.

"Well, shit," you whispered under your breath.

Peter peaked a sleepy eye open and mumbled, "What? Don't tell me a kid gave me lice again."

"Not lice. Did you know that you're graying?" You couldn't hide the tinge of amusement in your voice.

His eyes snapped open, the sleep vanishing from his face, and he shot up right.

"What? I'm not going gray! Don't say that!" He gasped, putting a protective hand to his precious hair.

You laughed at his over the top reaction, "Sorry, Pete, but go look in the mirror."

He rolled off the bed and ran to the bathroom. You laid down to curl up in the warm spot his body heat had left on the bed and smiled when you heard his yelp of horror from the other room.

"No!" He yelled. "Those damn kids! This is their fault!" He shuffled back into the bedroom with a pout. "Am I old?"

You rolled your eyes, "You're 35, Peter."

"Is that old?" He sank to knees beside the bed in front of your face and looked up at you with pleading, but playful, eyes.

You nodded, taking on a serious tone, "Very. Oldest man alive."

"Oy vey," he stifled a laugh with his hand. "Might as well get me a cane and call me grandpa. Now that I think about it, my father grayed really early and so did Uncle Ben. At least they both still had a full head of hair. I'd rather be gray than bald. If I start to bald, I need you to put me out of my misery."

You scooted over to give him space to climb into bed with you, "Come on, old man. I promise if you go bald that I will make you a wig out of my own hair."

He rolled into bed beside you and snuggled his face next to yours so your noses were brushing against each other, "I have gray hair."

"I know," you whispered back. "That's so fucking hot."

"Really?"

You nodded, "Oh yeah. You're giving off serious daddy vibes right now." You gave him a sneaky smirk. "Is this old man too tired to please his wife tonight?"

His smile matched yours as you watched his eyes spark to life, "Wow, look at that, I suddenly feel fully rested. You're the perfect cure to a crazy day."

[dabihaul666]

What's your interpretation of overhaul compared to the popular fanon?

the popular fanon of tumblr is dom top doctor sugar daddy self shipping calling u ''angel''

the semi-popular fanon of people who ship him with other characters is still usually having him as a dom top, cold ruthless boundary crossing dubcon dabi whump. other characters? idk i dont read or surround myself with anything else but obviously shigahaul would be a bit different and obvs this also changes whether or not he has his arms or not, which brings me to naganthaul where it's people's fantasy strong woman (mirko kind of gets this too) and the broken traumatized husk of a ''bad problematic character'' that some ppl feel like means her calling him a faggot is good and cool, and im kind of glad it's quieted down with that pairing.

there's honestly just not that much chronohaul/i dont read a lot of it but what is see is like, honestly pretty chaste childhood friends to lovers type stuff tbh

there's like one person who does nemotohaul and they draw a doctor's office au where overhaul has giant tiddies and wears panties and i literally wish them nothing but the best and happiness in life (satori on twit)

i used to be way more up-to-date and in the culture of shipping/bnha/fic stuff and probably better equipped to answer this question but its been like, idk 4 years or something now into bnha and dabihaul and overhaul like...... which interpretation of him do you want lol. we've got like so many interations of aus and the canon compliant aus like the things rattling around in his little pink brain and what i think makes him tick and how.......

he's so obsessed with control and his construction of his little world and exerting power over it, it his quirk perfectly reflects that. he is so uptight his ass could turn coal into a diamond. speaking of, he would never put his dick in anyone i truly believe that. u would need to gargle antiseptics before u could blow him. the desperate grasp he has on control and his routines in his little dainty white gloves has to break it has to be broken if necessary. his kind of ugly business man and also baby phat brand ambassador fashion... his one ear peirced, his lashes, his ALL MEN ORGANIZATION everything is so sterile and like. repression is one thing but his whole 8pods base was built because he was stuck in the closet and started to DIG. daily affirmations are ''i am in control i am going to change the world and i am masc''.

but im also like, not taking myself seriously because im not that smart im not a writer im not that good at explaining things and why would i be explaining things from 4 yrs ago that im still on and talking about n stuff they're all concrete to me. but also i like to have fun. but also my specific tastes in playing dollhouse with fictional characters is also like, i've refaced and customized a bratz doll and thats my little malewife girlboy wife husband catboy catgirl baby bird. yknow what i mean.