#i wish i could just repress all the bad feelings. they're not useful to me. there's nothing i can do to make them better. so why feel them

[neonpigeons]

I feel. so bad most of the time. and I know it's because my needs aren't being met. I'm always understimulated because doing anything is a monumental task. there are things I want to talk about cuz it's what my brain is insane over but I have nobody to talk about it with cuz when I do, people don't respond. I feel so lonely and stupid.

[crownmemes]

Psychology Sentences, Vol. 1

(Sentences for interactions with therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists - or even just friends supporting each other. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"You've put it behind you, but it's not the same as putting it to rest."

"Is this it? Is this therapy?"

"It's fascinating, is it not? The language of non-verbal behaviour."

"Are you questioning your sanity?"

"The mind can play tricks on us. Memories can be suppressed, especially painful ones."

"I am planning on undertaking a course of therapy."

"I thought all psychiatrists were oddballs and cranks. They're not supposed to be so charming, let alone attractive."

"I knew that therapy was a bad idea."

"Do you remember when you first felt an emotional attachment?"

"I know you don't feel the way that other people want you to feel. I understand, but that's why you've got to pretend, at least sometimes."

"Not everything real is true, and not every dream is false."

"Guilt more than anything changes a person."

"So now you're a psychologist too?"

"Taking a life leaves its mark. No matter how strong you are, it's always a good idea to talk to somebody about it."

"Yeah, I don't need a psychiatrist, okay?"

"Without fear, we wouldn't know how to be brave. Fear is what makes us heroes."

"Please stop analysing me."

"It is too easy being a monster. Better to try to be human."

"Do you think we could find one single word that dominates your life?"

"We are all, in a sense, more than one man. Different and conflicting aspects of our character are constantly fighting for supremacy. "

"What if feeling nothing is the worst pain of all?"

"We're talking about therapy. Does that disturb you?"

"Don't feel like talking today?"

"Repressed emotions do not merely sink without a trace. They bubble up to the surface."

"The people we love the most are the ones capable of hurting us the most deeply."

"What do you dream about at night?"

"You know, I wish there was a cure for guilt and shame, but if there was then I would be out of a job."

"I have no idea who I am, and neither does anyone else. Not really."

"Your mother didn't love you, and now you crave anyone to make you feel less alone."

"I've been looking forward to having that psychological discussion about my personality."

[icedragonlizard]

As you may have seen on my Kirby therapy tier list, I put Kirby himself in the "needs therapy" tier.

I've seen people argue that Kirby doesn't need therapy or that he could even be the one playing therapist to others in the series. I don't disagree with these sentiments, although it's just a matter of interpretation more than anything.

There are actual reasons as to why I put Kirby himself in the tier where he is. I'll make it clear that it's based on my personal interpretation of him, but here's why:

I get the sense that Kirby must be really feeling the weight on his non-existent shoulders to be playing the hero all the time. He's been through so much, has confronted so many eldritch horrors, and have saved so many people, and it definitely has to be affecting him mentally. Even if he attempts to repress it, that doesn't mean the stress isn't there.

And the thing is that Kirby, at least in my interpretation, is a bleeding heart. He cares about people so much. He's always been wanting to help others that need it. He feels like it's an obligation for him. If he ends up failing to save someone, it hurts him. It would hurt him and break his heart if one of his friends were to die, or if a loved one of one of his friends were to die.

I'll mention two incidents where he feels like he failed: the deaths of Sectonia and Max Haltmann.

Kirby wishes that he helped save them, and it really hurt him that he didn't. When he was informed by Taranza and Susie that they were trying to save their respective loved ones, and told him about their backstories and how Sectonia and Haltmann weren't always evil and that they were corrupted by outside forces, it broke his heart. Both situations broke his heart. He wishes he could've helped Taranza and Susie get the happy endings that he believes they deserved, and the fact that it didn't happen makes him feel like he failed them.

Taranza and Susie aren't mad at Kirby over it, though. They understand that he was just protecting his home, and they feel more responsible for their loved ones' death than he is. They're friends with him, and although the process of them becoming his friends was admittedly a little awkward, in the end they don't hold a grudge against him despite the initial bad starts they had with him.

(Note that I headcanon that Susie is generally pretty guarded, as she hasn't opened up about her backstory to most people. But Kirby is one of the people that she did disclose her backstory to, although it was a little while after becoming friends when she did so, and he promised not to tell anyone when she said to keep it secret. Needless to say, learning about the Haltmanns' backstory was really horrifying and upsetting for Kirby)

I've seen people come up with the interpretation that Kirby saved everyone in the Switch games (including saving Hyness and Leongar) because of the guilt that he has over the 3DS tragedies, and I think that's a great interpretation. Enough to make me want to adapt it for my headcanons. And when it makes him look back at those previous incidents, it makes him upset. Kirby still wishes he could've helped save Sectonia and Haltmann like he did for Hyness and Leongar.

And so this is something that my interpretation of Kirby could use therapy over. He feels guilty and that he failed in those two situations. That, and alongside whatever stress he could (secretly?) be having over the weight on his shoulders of playing hero all the time.

I'll mention another thing for my interp's Kirby: After the events of Milky Way Wishes, he didn't see Marx for a long time, and it made him believe that he killed him. It made him sad, because even though Marx did turn out to be evil at the time, Kirby had the feeling he could've been redeemed and that they could've been friends. He would've loved to see Marx survive and do better, but there was a time where he thought that he died, and it admittedly upsetted him.

But Marx came back. It turns out he survived Nova's explosion, and crossed paths with Kirby again a long time after. Kirby was very happy to see that he survived and they became friends. The same also goes for Magolor, because Kirby didn't see him for a while after RTDL and was worried, but he was happy to see him come back and become a friend as well.

At least Marx and Magolor came back and became Kirby's friends, but sadly Sectonia and Haltmann did not and will not. Kirby will always feel the weight of those tragedies.

That sums up my thoughts on the matter and as to why I put Kirby in the "needs therapy" tier on that list. I do believe he can handle his problems a lot better than most of the others in the cast, but there are legitimately stuff he'd need therapy over. Of course, if you're one of those who believe he doesn't need it or that he himself is the therapist, bravo to you. Funny enough, the latter is also somewhat existent in my verse's Kirby too, on top of him also needing it.

[kocch]

this is a rambling post no one is gonna read but I GOTTA WRITE IT because i've watched the whole 911 show in the past five months and never really talked about it, so i gotta say some things that are important to me (some might be unpopular opinions idk i don't really know the fandom, i've only checked the tag in the past weeks for s8 and all i can see is mostly annoying fanwars about which ship is better)

my dash could be biased and tumblr itself could be biased for mlm ships BUT WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS SHOW HAS LESBIANS. like. i'm gonna use the few screencaps i posted here on tumblr while i was binge-watching the show buT

they're everything they're the best they're all i've ever wanted and they're not talked about enough, i don't know if it's because they're a wlw ship and they're a BLACK wlw ship or it's just that they're an enstablished couple and all, but damn i wish i saw them more in my dash and here on the freaking gay website because they have given me so many emotions through the seasons and they're SOLID and i just love them so much :( of course i know karen is not always present because it's a procedural show and sometimes the characters disappear for episodes, but they've solidified 911 in my heart . because damn this show is QUEER and it has been queer since day 1

my top faves are chim maddie hen and buck ok i don't make the rules they're the best but I LOVE THEM ALL and i think one of the best things of this show is the found family concept. you just gotta love them all. even if sometimes they have crazy writing moments through the seasons (like when buck tried to sue 118 or when eddie left 118 jfefhrf)

i love LOVE LOVE 911 because of all the feelings, the found family, how inclusive it feels with all the queer storylines and how diverse the main cast is (but also the case-of-the-day cast too... i'm a fan of another procedural like fringe, it was the 2010 and it was the whitest thing ever, (and the production was racist too) things have changed) BUT IT'S still copaganda. athena grant is a lot of copaganda. the two things can coexist i can love her and despise her story at times ok.

i hope we get a great henren/madney storyline in season 8 because (they're literally my faves) they're the best. i kinda wish for chim and maddie to long for a second children, now that they have mara in their lives? I'm not sure, i just know i need more of them. they're literally . so good to me. they've captivated my heart in s2 and they never left. the potential chim and maddie had was so great, but timing, trauma, depression, many things were keeping them apart, and every win felt EARNED. i just think sometimes straights have rights and that's madney's case.

i love buck like anyone in the fandom, but i think part of the craze on tumblr is due to his bisexual storyline and i gotta say... i do enjoy bucktommy. atm they're cute. being silly and in the honeymoon phase. do i ship buddie? i do, there are so many GREAT things through the seasons that make you feel - wow they could be perfect together - but that doesn't mean i will hate on bucktommy for now (yeah, i know, tommy was horrible in the past, yeah he was closeted and repressed, yeah he could have been better, he was racist and homophobic, i know, but i guess he got better since the characters are ok with him? sometimes we'll never get that resolution on screen) (i think all of them had their bad moments as characters, i mean, i could open a whole file about athena being a bad cop and still she's everyone's faves)

getting back to buck i did love his bisexuality storyline and i love him BEING BISEXUAL, it's not about tommy or about eddie or about anyone it's about him being bisexual. in his early 30s. BUT I gotta say, for how writers have written these characters, for me it made so much more sense for eddie to turn out gay than buck having his bi moment (and it's because of the writing). it makes sense for buck to be bisexual because he has always loved women and he's tried to make his relationships work, unlike eddie, but then he found out he also like men. he had soo many queer hints around him and it's just. fitting. i love him to bits. i wish s7 was longer so we could get things a bit slower, the pace was fast but i loved it. AND DAMN buck was jealous of eddie because of tommy? or of tommy because of eddie? I wonder.

i'm not sure 100% they'll go with buddie for now, but maybe it's just i am not an optimistic per se and i wanna see where they go with eddie's personal growth BUT eddie is gay. he gotta be gay. that man only had one love in his life, shannon, and that love is an idea he has. he thinks they had a great love story, but the truth is that they met when they were young, she got pregnant, he ran away from her for years with the military stuff, then he came back and she ran away, then they got together but still she asked for divorce and then she died. he denies her leaving him because of an idea of something that never really existed. even if he loved her, i'm sure he did love her but, it wasn't something perfect or functioning like bathena henren and madney. eddie is a terrible romantic partner (he's a good dad, but a terrible guy to date lbr) and it's because he's gay. i know everyone in the fandom agrees but i gotta write it down ok. when he's forced to date he feels like he has to perform? he self-sabotage all his relationships with women?? his love stories always end because of him? he had panic attack because of committing to ana??? come on ? the marisol storyline?? That shit is insane if he isn't gay

and that's why i'm asking for eddie to come to terms with who HE REALLY IS without christopher in his life. he's not just chris dad. he gotta stop running away. they have the possibility to make a great storyline for him, after several weird seasons for the poor guy. he gotta understand and accept himself and then maybe he'll work out the things with his son. this is one of the most exciting storylines for s8 and i really hope we get it. if we don't we need a PROPER story that makes sense with all of that tbh.

i'm ok with buddie happening in another season tbh i just want eddie to come to terms with his sexuality. i just love good writing and this show has its great moments with characters and that's why i love it, because it has heart. it has incredible characters i love.

i do love bathena and bobby and athena even if it might not be obvious in this post hahah and i wish we could get back may and henry, i miss athena having actually children

[animentality]

we talk a lot about how much ketheric hated durgetash, but what about how much orin hated durgetash? either she despised her sibling and hated seeing them happy (and also distracted from bhaal), or she actually got along pretty well with her sibling until gortash came and ruined it. she must have been so jealous, but not jealous in a “i wish it were me fucking durge/gortash” way, jealous in a “im the only one who seems to be taking this group project seriously but you’re the two getting the credit from teacher” way.

See, but here's the more tragic thing to consider...

Yes, the idea of Orin always hating Durge, and then flying off the handle because she can't handle being perpetually single and pretending it's for religious radicalism reasons is funny.

But what if Orin genuinely cared for them, because they were nicer to her than anyone else?

What if they actually had a somewhat decent relationship because deep down, they know they aren't that different?

The Dark Urge killed their parents, and they had to have felt regret...but they pushed down their feelings, and embraced being a Bhaalspawn, because what else could they do, really?

Their father would literally DISSOLVE them if they disobeyed.

But maybe they'd look at this younger fellow Bhaalspawn, and they'd remember having a childhood before that...and they'd feel bad for her. Take her under their wing.

And she, in turn, wouldn't be used to having someone who actually treats her kindly, or at least, with any degree of mercy?

I'm not sure where I read it, but I think it's mentioned somewhere, or was supposed to be in the game or something, that she tried to resist Bhaal once in the past, but was shut down.

And that is really sad to consider, because maybe Orin knew she was trapped, so, like the Dark Urge, she chose to embrace her heritage because she had no other choice.

But she and the Dark Urge have this in common, and that's why they'd get along...

Until. That fucking Chosen of Bane...

Suddenly the Dark Urge isn't spending any time with her...suddenly, they're moody, withdrawn.

Defensively angry.

See, there's a nasty note from the Dark Urge to Orin in her bedroom...

They say that Orin's blood is "impure."

And I can see why that would hurt Orin a lot...but in HER note, she just mentions how she hates how close Durge is with Gortash?

So maybe.

Hear me out...

Orin had NOT been planning on usurping the Dark Urge at all, like Sarevok says, until they met Gortash.

THEN, she felt betrayed.

Like...I thought we were alike. I thought you knew how it felt, to repress your feelings, and to embrace your destiny, instead of your own needs...but here you are.

Embracing a Banite...spending less time in the temple...with me.

So rather than feeling betrayed because she "loves" Bhaal...deep down, on a subconscious level... she's devastated because the only person she felt could understand her...was becoming someone new.

And she hated it.

And anon...

Orin is an artist at heart.

Creating grisly art was her way of expressing her individuality.

The Dark Urge mentions that they admire her art... but also that it's "useless" because Bhaal doesn't care for it...

Maybe they used to encourage her to be artistic as a child?

Because they know better than anyone, how you must suppress any sense of individuality as a Bhaalspawn. That's not what you were made for. But they knew it helped her emotionally.

And before Gortash, they lightly encouraged it, or at least allowed it...but then she starts being abrasive and complaining about Gortash.

She starts saying, do you truly serve Bhaal, or Enver Gortash, and they'd snap back, because they're defensive about it right, that she doesn't really understand what Bhaal wants???

So I think the Dark Urge showing contempt for her artwork was just a coping mechanism.

They had abandoned their individuality a long time ago, but suddenly this Enver Gortash says he likes them for them...he says, I love how smart you are...and they feel like...they're more than a Bhaalspawn...

And Orin is hurt and betrayed, because she thought they were in this together...and they're confused and anxious, over this problem that they can't simply kill...

So in short, anon.

Yes.

I think the Dark Urge and Gortash's relationship DID put a huge strain on the Dark Urge's relationship with Orin.

I think it would've really broken her heart, to know she was alone with just Bhaal for company.

I also think she needn't have worried, because they'd both get what was coming to them anyway in the end.

They were never going to last forever, her own actions be damned.

Alas, anon.

I feel...so sorry for them all.

[celestiall0tus]

Late Night Theory: Andre and his potential "Hellfire" song

Ok, this is more wishful thinking, but I digress. I read somewhere that we're supposed to be getting a Hellfire type song in season 3 of Helluva Boss and that it is supposed to be from Andre.

Already the idea and concept is amazing and perfect for a clearly repressed gay man trying to pass as hetero (a lot of us have been there, tho perhaps not as evil as Andre). I'm really hoping that the subject of Andre's lust in this Hellfire type song is Stolas.

Maybe I'm letting my guilty pleasure ships show a little, but I love the idea of Andre coming down harder on Stolas is not because of Stella and all that shit, but more because he is drawn to the owl boy. However, because of the repressing of his feelings, he channels it in other ways. He wants what Stolas has because he wants Stolas, but refuses to entertain that very notion because he's trying to present himself as straight.

Which, slight detour, can we talk about how painfully perfect Andre's repression is and how much older connotations are added to it all? Like his referring to Stolas as a sexual deviant could obviously be because he cheated, but I do suspect that it's also because gay people, mostly men, back in the day were seen as sexual deviants for wanting to sleep with another man (I can't speak for how common or not this may still be, but I know it was pretty bad back then). Always commenting how Stella is hot as a way to make himself seem straight (even though to me it sounds more like he's insulting her like "Oh, thank Lucifer you at least have a pretty face. You're good for something at least") It really all leans into the build up for the Hellfire type song we may get.

Back on course, I really do hope that it's Stolas just because he's seen as dull, "ugly" to the other goetia, much like female birds IRL being duller than the vibrant males. And yes, they're Goetias, but that didn't stop Stella and Stolas being forced together. And yes, some obvious others would be Vassago with the enemies to lovers potential they have, or maybe seeing Andre fall for a lower class demon, namely like Blitz, but I can't see Andre letting his classism allow him to fall for a lower demon. I really feel it would need to be someone that is integral to the plot as a whole. So. My hope is that it is Stolas, and if not him, Vassago works too, but Stolas would be fun.

[tainbocuailnge]

Are Cu Chulainn’s earrings symbolic of his pride in living his life even with the tragedies. Separate his heroic pride because both Caster Cu and Beserker Alter have them. Going through F:HA and the scene where Bazett dies reaching out and grasping his earring + her only wearing them in the epilogue got me thinking thematic thoughts

that's not a bad guess, though I don't actually think it's the case because his spear is mentioned way more often and way more obviously as the multipurpose symbol of his life and pride in it. the earrings meanwhile are only really brought up in the context of FHA

I think the earrings started as just a design element and were given more symbolic weight in being used as connecting factor between lancer and bazett. they're the catalyst that bazett used to summon him and are similar in this to rin's pendant that she used to save shirou's life being the catalyst that summons archer: it's physical proof of a connection they share, even if the parties involved don't realize or remember.

the scene you mention starts with bazett desperately pleading with lancer that they know each other and she won't fight him, but he denies this and forces a confrontation. when they've mutually killed each other she's desperately reaching for the earring in her pocket because upon seeing it all she can think about is that she has one too, that they really do share a connection.

bazett is essentially desperately looking for someone who can "fix her," who can turn her into a functional human being, and in this longing for some kind of external salvation she is unable to recognise any of her own efforts and achievements for what they are. she summoned lancer with the intent of saving him from his fate, but what she really hoped for was for her childhood hero to save her from her own.

the pride in your life part of their confrontation is covered by their weapons: fragarach is the sword that severs fate, the "i wish things had gone differently", and gae bolg is the spear that seals fate, the "I did what I could with what I had". it's a mutually assured kill because neither statement can actually deny the other, you can wish things had been different even if you're proud of what you achieved with what you had, you can be proud of what you achieved with what you had even if you wish things had been different. when bazett's heart is ripped apart by gae bolg it unseals her repressed memories of how kirei betrayed her and she never once received the external help she thought would save her to get where she is now, when lancer's heart is ripped apart by fragarach he voices a complaint about his life for the first time.

the earrings are instead used to symbolise a more personal connection. bazett having those earrings is proof that even if anyone denies or forgets it, they really do share a connection and they really did mean something to each other once. lancer returns the half of the pair he has to finally say the farewells he couldn't when kirei killed her - she meant something to him, even if he can only act on it now. bazett reaches for the matching one in her pocket but is unable to show it to him - she is absolutely certain that they meant something to each other, even if she can't prove it to the rest of the world. she can't cling to him forever, he can't and won't save her, but that doesn't mean he didn't believe in her. wearing the earrings shows more faith in herself, in her own judgement, and in her ability to get through this too.

it becomes a little clearer with the context of bazett's valentines event in fgo too, where the whole crux of the event is that she's scared of seeing lancer again, not because she's unsure of how he feels about her but because servants aren't supposed to remember their other summonnings and she doesn't know if she can take him saying he doesn't know her. it ends on her facing off against a manifestation of those fears by drawing the four branches herself because even if he doesn't remember, she does, and forgetting about it now doesn't change that he believed in her once.

[himawarihanahaki]

Why I'm anti-contact and what it means to me

I've seen so many blogs using anti-contact/pro-contact to mean different things, so I just gave up on understanding the nuances and decided to just make a long post on my opinions on it.

Obvious part: is it ok to have romantic/sexual contact with children? No, not even with "consent" (which they can't give, saying yes when you don't understand what you're saying yes to isn't consent). If you disagree, not interacting with me isn't enough I need you to die.

Less obvious part: is it ok to talk to children without romantic/sexual intentions if you're a pedophile? no ♡

Reasons

- Bad for you:

Personally I've never had any kind of attachment to a kid, but just the thought of being in love with one and having to see them regularly makes me want to scream. I can't even begin to imagine how insane that would make me.

There's no good ending in that situation, because if you're a spineless creature with no morals or self control you'll probably end up doing something weird at best or monstrous at worse (bad), and if you're not you'll enter a spiral of repression and self loathing (bad).

The only reliable way to avoid that situation is to avoid kids as much as possible.

- (can be) Bad for everyone else:

Story time:

A few years ago, I found out that one of my old neighbors went to prison for possession of csem, which was made even worse by the fact that he was a teacher and I had been one of his students.

He never did anything to me specifically, but I have a lot of memories of talking to him, receiving gifts and spending recess with him sometimes. I know this sounds weird as fuck but I swear it was normal and every other teacher treated me basically the same because I was a friendless teacher's pet.

The point is that even though I can't tell you a single thing he did with me that was in any way inappropriate, just the fact that I know that I was a kid and he was a pedophile ruins everything. So many memories I have from between the ages of 6 to 8 ish that used to be sweet are tainted forever because now I know that he was probably thinking about fucking me on at least some of them. I haven't talked to anyone else who was his student at the time, but I'm sure almost everyone feels the same as me looking back.

His case is made worse by the fact that he wasn't a non offending one, but even if he was, I don't think it'd make a difference on what I personally feel when I look back at my memories with him.

That experience is the main reason I avoid any and all contact with kids, because if somehow it becomes public information that I'm a pedophile my suffering will be more than enough, I don't need someone to be wondering if I was thinking about fucking them that one time 8 years ago when we were talking about the weather or something. My goal is that every child I come across forgets me immediately or at most in a week and that I forget them just as fast.

About other people:

While I don't necessarily think everyone who interacts with kids (in a normal and appropriate way) is a bad person or has bad intentions, I do think they're being selfish and really wish they would think more about their actions and possible consequences.

I also find it incredibly suspicious, it's really hard to believe you're actually non offending if you go out of your way to talk to kids, but I guess you could just be a little stupid so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

[malepresentingleg]

A little late after the episode but I do have some (over 1k worth) thoughts on BMF and how they handled the whole sex thing that I need to let out before I even go into the tag.

I'll say this show has been very pleasantly surprising the last few episodes, and I was quite impressed with how they handled and addressed very real queer experiences - if it's Pisaeng's beautiful journey with the gay bar, his mom's "acceptance", and the beautiful beautiful rally with the wonderful speakers discussing queer struggles and more.

That's why I had a tiny bit of hope for an asexual Kawi following his comments about sex (can two people who date never have sex? YEAH!), but I wasn't holding on to it very much because I'm a realistic not delusional leg :') So as much as I LOVE this idea and think it could have been very interesting and important and a great opportunity to explore asexuality and relationships - I will write here under the assumption that Kawi is allo and is meant to be sexually attracted to Pisaeng.

One of my least favorite tropes in bl is "the blushing maiden"- where one character really pushes the other into intimacy and the other is avoiding it. If two characters are in a relationship- let them both be interested in each other!!! (uwma and between us are two of my least favorite bls from those I watched bc of that. Bad Buddy is probably my favorite because they show the mutuality of the relationship very well). Some examples for it being done well are MSP - they're BOTH shy and both do want it, they're just kids. When Tinn asks for kisses Gun is flustered and Tinn does it in a teasing way, and very much respects Gun's wishes. Not to mention, he ends up being even more shy.

I think the most similar to what BMF seems to be trying to show would be The Eclipse. Akk is extremely repressed. He's full of self-loathing and internalized homophobia and every time Aye pushes it's to help him be able to do what he wants without needing to admit it. Credit is definitely due to First's superb acting skills because he's effortlessly able to show the audience how much he's torn inside, how much he's very much into Aye, how he WANTS to touch him and be intimate with him, but he's scared and has a lot holding him back. Of course it's not perfect but it didn't give me the ick as much as uwma did, and not as much as BMF did too.

Which brings me to Kawi and Pisaeng.

Pisaeng made this beautiful journey for self-acceptance and embracing his queerness. We as the audience also know how easily things could have turned different and he would marry Pear without even coming out! So we know how much of a struggle it was, and it's reasonable to think- still is, for him to accept his attraction to men. I think that is part of what makes this dynamic between them so jarring - I want to celebrate Pisaeng's confidence, he's being sweet and romantic and giving his bf positive attention in an unapologetic queer way - but then the way Kawi reacts to it makes me also wants to hate it, to feel like Pisaeng is pressuring him and being predatory, demanding without consent.

But it's not what happens. Because of everything I mentioned about Pisaeng, and because he's charming and cute and has been through all that, I find myself "rooting for him" (why are there sides to be rooting for???) and thinking man Kawi is annoying! Didn't he say he's into Pisaeng?? Why can't he show it too, make him feel loved and wanted like he deserves? But that's a mindset I don't want to fall into.

But what I'm missing to feel more sympathetic towards Kawi is what I found in MSP and in The Eclipse - show me he does want it but he's scared, he's not ready, he's shy, anything! But now what I'm getting from him is that he doesn't actually like Pisaeng at all, and all that changed was their official status.

I was very excited for the chat he had with Max (a little bit because he really did sound like an asexual there and I had hope), because up until now he had very good advice and gave great queer insight.

I loved how he talked about his experiences, and said that yes, sex is an essential part of his relationships but - I was so sure he was gonna say it's different for everyone, that Kawi shouldn't do anything he's not ready for and that he should talk to Pisaeng about it.

Instead, when Kawi said he doesn't find sex to be that important in a relationship (ace Kawi! ace Kawi!!), Max kinda shamed him with "well you're a virgin so you don't know", and basically told him "you're gonna do it eventually so might as well now, you're lucky it's with someone you love". Which is kind of a horrible advice IMO. Another approach they could take is tackle why it is that Kawi is so reluctant, discuss his internalized homophobia that still makes him perceive gay sex as wrong and how he can get over it and embrace this part of himself. But the reasoning for him to do it being "just do it" ugh. No thanks.

Another direction I thought it might take and I would have been happy with is Pisaeng maybe apologizing for pushing and expressing hid sadness that Kawi doesn't want him or isn't into him or something like that, and Kawi would then explain and express how much he DOES want him but he's just not ready. ANYTHING. to make me believe Kawi is into Pisaeng and not just forcing himself because he's told he needs to.

The amusement park analogy was a bit on the nose - if you don't try the rollercoaster it's like you haven't really been here = if we don't have sex our relationship doesn't count. Which, ouch. But yeah "it's ok if you're scared, I'll be with you and hold your hand the whole time".

I was a bit surprised they ended up not going, and then again at the car with the roof, but after further thought I realized it was - Kawi saw Pisaeng respects his wishes and doesn't actually cross his boundaries and so he trusts him enough by the end of the episode. Still, the fact they had sex felt... wrong. After Kawi spent the whole episode being scandalized by anything touch related, his conversation with Max, him being scared shitless to find lube, the theme park and then the dinner - the transition to having sex felt lacking. Them just having sex without any sort of discussion about Kawi's reluctance, talking about how it's actually both of their first times (I assume? at least with a man), how it's ok to take it slow.. Idk, Kawi couldn't bear KISSING Pisaeng up until this point, so now they're having sex? It made it feels like he's forcing himself which is the last thing I want for their relationship. I want to see them both wanting each other :')

There were some great highlights like Kawi staring at Pisaeng in bed or calling his mom but for me it wasn't enough to make me feel like their relationship is built on mutual attraction.

[verdantmeadows]

Okay so I finished ILTV and have pretty mixed feelings on it, I enjoyed the relationship between Rae and Claire, but several things such as Manaria and the incest plotline sour it for me. Manaria would have been a really good character, and then she's just written to be a rapist for no feasible reason, which is especially irritating since she's the only bifauxnen. Her regret that she had as a result of repressing gay feelings could have easily been something else. I do not like at all how incest as a taboo is equated to homosexuality as a taboo. I also don't understand why the show needed to be an isekai? I understand it's used to set up so Rae knows what happens and so she can prevent it, but it just kinda gives her a plot armor I don't like. I think it would have been way more interesting if this was just a genuine setting and Rae fell in love with Claire organically and not because she's from an otome game. I think that the things that the plot hinges on with her knowing it happens in advance could have just been something else or done differently. It's not interesting to watch a character who already knows everything that's about to happen for the most part. I also really dislike knowing that one of the princes is "trans", but not actually! She was born female, then cursed to be male, then changed back to female! Like, why? The story doesn't need a trans/intersex allegory? The story DIRECTLY acknowledges homosexuality? You can just...have an ACTUAL trans/intersex character. It feels like the only reason that this character is made into female is to make her relationship with another character F/F. In which case...why not just have her be normally trans? Just have her be a normal trans girl/intersex trans girl? This is already a queer media. Why can't you have transgender/intersex characters? And, honestly, I see people calling her canonically transgender, which I kind of get, but her story reads much more as an intersex story to me, so I wish she was just written as an intersex trans girl or a trans girl. Generally speaking, I really hate nobility/royalty settings that are about nobility and do not attempt to resolve it at all. ILTV directly acknowledges that there is inequality between commoners and nobility, there is even a movement and there are protests against this that want equality between the groups. And yet, the commoners protesting are treated as...the bad guys. And the nobility is framed as people that need to be "protected". It's just weird. Based on what we know from the ending, they're going to be continued to be framed as villains for rightfully wanting to end the commoner vs nobility dichotomy. I know I should be able to suspend my disbelief, but this is just one thing I almost never am able to suspend my disbelief on, SPECIFICALLY in this case because the show BRINGS UP THE INEQUALITY and also has Claire have a superiority complex over being nobility. And her haughtiness over being nobility is treated as exclusively cute and charming (which yes, I agree that it is/can be!) and not something that needs to be fix or remedied. I really hope the rest of the series properly works on this and doesn't villainize the commoners further. The entire main cast it feels affirm that it was stupid for Yu to even hear out a commoner on his want for equality. I also really don't like that it doesn't give us development for anyone really other than Rae and Claire. Like, yes, side characters are side characters, but they bother to give us interesting premises, and even tell us explicitly how insecure Thane is, and then... Do nothing with it. We don't see them develop. Why have so many side characters, tell us about them, then do nothing with them? Like, okay, sure, it's just season 1, but based on what I could find online, they don't really do anything with Rod or Thane. Rod makes sense, because he doesn't really have a lot to change with, but Thane? Thane is shown to have an inferiority complex and then the show just validates it, essentially.

That being said, I liked the show! It has a lot of things I didn't like, but I liked Claire and Rae, they were cute. I wish their relationship had developed organically rather than just Rae being isekai'd, but that can't be helped. I also wish that we saw more of their actual romance than just Rae's one-sided yearning for the whole season. However, because of how it clearly does not portray things like SA and incest as serious cases of abuse, I'm not sure I'm going to look into reading the rest of the series nor am I sure that I'd watch a season 2. I don't trust how it treats sexual abuse whatsoever. Maybe I'm just really petty right now, but this is how I feel for now. The scene with Manaria deeply upset me but in a way that made me angry. I've enjoyed the show, but right now all I can feel and think about is the bad things in the show. But I did definitely enjoy it and like Claire and Rae's relationship. I just think that the setting isn't for me. It feels like sometimes, when it comes to F/F or M/M in animation, you just have to "settle" for any relationships at all, even if you don't like the setting. But I have to tell myself, it's okay to not like the setting. I don't have to settle for it or like the setting just because it's F/F. I think I'm also so upset because I feel betrayed by how much praise I saw for this show without any warning for the incest and SA (I only got incest warnings from people I knew, and, from the person who told me to watch it, long after they had already told me to watch it). I was expecting it to be an absolute masterpiece, and it just wasn't. Which is okay! Not everything has to be a masterpiece! But I thought it was gonna be way better than it was. Still, despite how bitter and petty I sound, I liked it! It was good!

[the-firebird69]

Rage Against The Machine - The Ghost of Tom Joad (Official HD Video)

With the max are saying is Hera and I have created things that will come back and destroy us and put us into a state of being like in The grapes of wrath and I'm already there and they are saying it and trying to prove they're in control and it doesn't prove it to me it proves they're fighting over it and I don't think the other aware of that 100% now and it means my grapes or gonads and we used for it whether of the mind or body and people find out that it was both later and can't figure it out but it is that complicated but a lot of people figured it's JC and Mary and they want you to tribute it to me so the figure here got it and he knows what's going on I think it's a clone and they started to work and they have some bases near camera and others and they know what the empire is up to they're getting their asses handed to them in a big way and they're having everybody else I hope do it to them and the empire is on top of it and they plan on roasting the people in the ship and there's analogy and code everywhere for it but what they're really basically saying is it's going to come back and haunt us she and I and we will be in a state just like the Midwest and they caused that to happen by not properly protecting the fields and they inspired it and forced it to happen and it didn't again they're saying they did it again they're saying this time they say the land will lay Baron because the ship has to come out and hours to be forced out which is what they believe is happening

Zues Hera

All this is very true and I was going to say it but he's right there living it I'm happy for it but I'll say this they didn't miss much of it in these idiot Max I missing the fact that we didn't miss it either and boy are they up in our face saying we missed it and he's right here supposedly not knowing anything seeing it out loud and you Max and very arrogant and this shows it and people are figuring out why. It's well founded you should be but not to everybody constantly your work is wasted and it's starting to show your face is a craggly and you're not eating well you're getting repressed and kidnapped and questioned and killed. That's the price for talking and you people talked at all the way here on purpose to tell him that you are having him do it and it's to your own detriment and loss and he could care less he helped having to do it. And so did we. You're just losers like your little cousins here and holy s*** are they stupid. But you wanted a war and now you've got one and you're complaining like we're going to help you like where your mama or weird Daddy and we're not and give it a rest you stupid assholes you wake up and you start annoying us with that s*** or the other stuff as both the same we go after you you think you have unlimited people and you're wrong. And those mega computers have been down there doing your job not even allow you to access your fools

Thor Freya

I have to tell you something he did it on purpose but we had him do it and he says it every time we should stop saying it we did have them do it both of them and others and it turns out it was not a great idea it seems that the clans have taken off with it and yeah they're pulverizing everybody the clothes near and if you go in there it fuels up the monster which fuels up the ship this is terrible. And you getting rid of yourselves more luck and for Christ's sake you can't figure it out I see how stupid you are in the comments are starting now it's really the max and they don't have proof it's not and we have a huge huge ego and a big mouth and it's really us they have to find out if we took over cuz we're acting like we did we had this happen to him we're grabbing them I'll see what this point is he wouldn't be able to tell either so probably go down with this stuff and he doesn't feel bad at all and he knows it's a big hill or mountain to climb I wish I had to figure out something she's not a child at all and I'm wrong he's got a three year old child for his body his brain is 55 years old I keep putting it on this child and we're getting our asses kicked. And yeah we might do a little stupid we don't think it is coming we can put it on him after thinking nothing of him and we get crushed we have to stop doing it but these idiots are inspiring and they're getting toasted I mean obliterateda

Macs

And we are racing to the hole and it's disgusting because a lot of dumb talk like that it's gross we don't know what to do about it there's no way to overpower it or to calm it down and just will get worse he says you're fighting a creature damn thing could be 10,000 Miles high some people say 5000 so practically nothing we do will do anything it's like a ship and we know it can go in there with certain ships we think and it has to be cadmium laced heavily so I do understand what you're saying

Woody

He's right and his people will all walk around say we have a woody now

Zues

Haha I'd like to say that with him that's for damn sure everybody say the other people how's your woody now

Hera

So he asks the ubiquitous question, how's your... whole

..... family

Hera

Olympus

[a-girl-called-bob]

Like, the thing that bothers me most about the current wave of discourse is the insistence I keep seeing that 'afab trans women' are all just cis women posing for like. clout, or something.

Like, first of all, if a cis person told me that they feel like they have a non-normative gender identity of some kind or another, the likelihood is pretty high that they're not cis. If they're using language or framing that you find problematic, that can be worth talking through, but fundamentally unless you know that they're acting or speaking in bad faith, you really shouldn't do them the disservice of treating them like any other ignorant cis person.

Second, speaking as a trans woman (complicated as my relationship to that may be from time to time), is it really right to say that cis women (or even AFAB people broadly) shouldn't want to be anything like us? That we're defined so much by chasing their gender ideal that they shouldn't have anything to learn from us? How fucking miserable is that? To imagine that we have no qualities worthy of imitation save for those we ourselves are imitating? Bullshit. Any body type, any gender presentation, any look or style or quality of the voice or mannerism can inspire gender envy in any particular person, and it's disingenuous to say that 'womanhood the way we do it' and 'womanhood the way cis women do it' are exactly the same.

So, if you have a problem with someone identifying as a trans woman despite being AFAB, and if you really care that much, I really suggest you put your own feelings aside for a moment and try talking it out. What about trans womanhood appeals to them differently than cis womanhood? Is it some physical feature that they could probably achieve through hormone therapy? Is it just the way that trans women are women 'on purpose'? The language they use may not be what you'd want it to be, but a lot of the language around gender presentation is clumsy and imperfect.

When I was a kid, I told my older sister I wished I was born a girl. This should've been when I realized I was trans, and it's not like she didn't know any trans people at the time, but she just told me that I was only saying that because I didn't understand the struggles women had. It took me seven more years to admit to myself that I was a girl, and two or three more after that to come out to my family. Things have changed a bit over the years, we're fine now, but I think about it a lot. What got that reaction? Was it talking about being 'born a girl'? Was it just, dislike for my terminology that made her snap at me, or was she just not in a place to imagine her snot-nosed little bro as a sister? Maybe if we'd gotten to talk it out then I'd be a different person now.

Maybe if we're less knee-jerk and we talk it out more, less people will miserably repress their identities. Or maybe they're all horrible terrible people trying to get everyone to shut up about trans women's issues by muddying the waters. I'd rather take a chance that some of them are decent folks who don't have the right words - or maybe just don't have words we like - to talk about their experiences. This world is miserable enough without us jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst from everyone who doesn't look like us.

i don't know how ppl can make posts like YOU CANNOT BE XYZ IDENTITY without feeling the overwhelming urge to be that identity. yes i may be amab with a dick and balls but im a afab trans woman now. why are we talking about this. perhaps the harm in "terfs are calling themselves afab trans women" is in the "being a fucking transphobe" bit and not in the "having a weird identity" bit. truly truly truly who gives a shit

[blooming-violets]

Giving preschool teacher Peter Parker a massage, I know those kiddos use his long limbs as a human jungle gym

[from this prompt list] [feel free to request a prompt from the list]

[tasm!peter parker x reader]

Gray Hairs and Massages

"And then, for some unknown reason, Marcus stood up and started singing Jingle Bells at the top of his lungs while Allie attempted to do the worm around him. She hit her face off the floor and got a bloody nose. Meanwhile, Jessica and Kit have climbed to the top of the bookcase and are attempting to jump off, Kevin has Chubs the hamster in his pocket even after I told him not to touch the class pet, Max is spinning in circles so fast that he starts puking, Rowen is crying in the corner because he misses his mom, and the rest of the kids are sitting on the circle time rug looking at me like they've lost all hope in my abilities to run a classroom!"

Peter let out a loud, exaggerated sigh and flopped face first onto the bed after detailing his chaotic work day to you.

"I thought fighting crime was hard," he mumbled into the bunched up blankets under his face. "Preschool is worse than any bad guy I've ever come across."

You repressed a laugh for his own sanity and took a seat on the bed beside him, "At least it'll be good practice for when we have kids. If you can handle 22 children, I think you should be able to handle four with ease."

He peaked his eyes up from his blanket prison to give you a questioning look, "Four? You want four kids now? What happened to only two?"

You shot him a smile and gave an innocent shrug, "Hearing you talk about the chaos made me excited. I want to see you in action. Super dad, Peter Parker. It has a nice ring to it."

He groaned and hid his face back into the blankets, "I don't think I could even handle one. These children are crazed. They're taking over. They know I'm weak. They can smell my blood in the water and they're circling into attack mode. They're going to eat me alive. One day someone will check in on me and my half devoured body will be staring lifeless up at the ceiling while the children have gone completely feral as they feast on my flesh for snacktime. It's Lord of the Flies in there. My head has been pounding all evening."

You chucked at his over exaggeration of the situation and patted his back, "Such a drama queen. My day was lovely, thank you for asking. I got to sit in a quiet library and sort books."

He rolled over and flopped his head into your lap, staring up at you, "That sounds wonderful. Wanna trade?"

"You wish." You brushed your fingers through his thick hair. "Want me to give you a massage? I'll go grab some ibuprofen for your headache and massage away your troubles."

He responded with a pathetically sad whine, "Please. I'm dying."

You scooted out from under him to go grab a bottle of pain meds from the cabinet, along with a glass of water, and your cooling eye mask from the fridge. When you returned, Peter was laying in his boxers and had half unbuttoned his shirt before giving up. His arms were flopped onto the mattress and spread out to either side of him while he stared in a daze up at the ceiling.

"Help me," he croaked, his voice clearly strained from trying to speak over boisterous four year old's all day. "'m so tired. Can't even finish taking my shirt off. Just wanna be comfy..."

"Oh, honey, you poor thing," you chuckled under your breath. "Come here."

You placed his things on the bedside table and quickly made work of unbuttoning his shirt. He shrugged it off his shoulders, grabbing the pain relief next to him and chugging the entire glass of water with it. You helped fix the eye mask around his face and he rolled back onto his stomach.

You climbed up on top of him, straddling your legs on either side of his hips, and started to rub your hands over his bare shoulders. Peter let out a low groan of approval.

"Your hands are so cold," he mumbled.

"Aren't they always like that?" You replied, working your fingers into his large muscles with circular motions.

"Yeah but they feel nice now. You should quit your library job and work as a masseuse. Libraries are a dying breed."

You gasped in feigned outrage, "How dare you speak of my beloved library like that?"

He shrugged his tense shoulders, a tiny smile gracing his half hidden face, "Truth hurts, baby."

"Yeah, well, at least I know I'll never become a preschool teacher."

"Hey, don't mess with us teachers. We're hardcore."

You laughed, "Says the man who couldn't even take off his shirt tonight."

He gave a sly smile, "Maybe I wanted you to be the one to undress me? Maybe I knew exactly what I was doing?"

"Or maybe you were exhausted and lazy?" You patted his shoulder and rolled off him, sitting upright on the mattress. "Turn around and roll over. Put your head in my lap. I'll massage your head."

He did as he was told and settled nicely into your lap, a lingering smile on his lips. You gently took the eye mask off his face to have better access to him. You started with a gentle pressure, circling around his temples and working your way up his hairline to his forehead.

"Imma fall 'sleep," he mumbled.

"Go for it. You deserve the rest."

You continued to work on massaging his scalp, listening to his breathing get steadier and softer, when you looked down and quietly gasped at what you saw. As you ran your fingers through his thick hair, you noticed a patch of gray glinting under the dim light. The more you brushed through it, the more single strands of gray you saw. It wasn't immediately obvious unless you were up close and grooming him like you were doing but, there was no denying it, Peter was graying.

"Well, shit," you whispered under your breath.

Peter peaked a sleepy eye open and mumbled, "What? Don't tell me a kid gave me lice again."

"Not lice. Did you know that you're graying?" You couldn't hide the tinge of amusement in your voice.

His eyes snapped open, the sleep vanishing from his face, and he shot up right.

"What? I'm not going gray! Don't say that!" He gasped, putting a protective hand to his precious hair.

You laughed at his over the top reaction, "Sorry, Pete, but go look in the mirror."

He rolled off the bed and ran to the bathroom. You laid down to curl up in the warm spot his body heat had left on the bed and smiled when you heard his yelp of horror from the other room.

"No!" He yelled. "Those damn kids! This is their fault!" He shuffled back into the bedroom with a pout. "Am I old?"

You rolled your eyes, "You're 35, Peter."

"Is that old?" He sank to knees beside the bed in front of your face and looked up at you with pleading, but playful, eyes.

You nodded, taking on a serious tone, "Very. Oldest man alive."

"Oy vey," he stifled a laugh with his hand. "Might as well get me a cane and call me grandpa. Now that I think about it, my father grayed really early and so did Uncle Ben. At least they both still had a full head of hair. I'd rather be gray than bald. If I start to bald, I need you to put me out of my misery."

You scooted over to give him space to climb into bed with you, "Come on, old man. I promise if you go bald that I will make you a wig out of my own hair."

He rolled into bed beside you and snuggled his face next to yours so your noses were brushing against each other, "I have gray hair."

"I know," you whispered back. "That's so fucking hot."

"Really?"

You nodded, "Oh yeah. You're giving off serious daddy vibes right now." You gave him a sneaky smirk. "Is this old man too tired to please his wife tonight?"

His smile matched yours as you watched his eyes spark to life, "Wow, look at that, I suddenly feel fully rested. You're the perfect cure to a crazy day."

[background-character-341]

Okay, so I've seen a few posts recently about how Nancy doesn't care about Mike. This has bothered me ever since it started, and I think I've finally figured out why: I relate way too hard to Nancy right now. Their relationship actually reminds me a lot of the relationship between me and my sister.

Here's the thing. I don't interact with my sister if I can help it. It's sad but it's true; that's just the way we've structured our lives. We live in the same house and eat meals together, but that's pretty much where our interactions stop. We've fully separated ourselves from each other.

Nancy and Mike's main issue right now is communication. They don't know how to talk to each other, and the few times that they do try to have a conversation, it's usually an argument. We see this all the time in season 1 when they are having dinner, but we also see this in season 3, when she is telling him that he should respect El's wishes and ends up inadvertently invalidating his feelings.

Nancy doesn't know how to talk to Mike, and I think that a lot of that has to do with their parents' relationship. Karen and Ted clearly don't talk much to each other. They've built these walls around themselves to protect them from this loveless marriage. And without any good examples of healthy communication, Nancy and Mike have also learned to build these walls around themselves. We know this because we've see the way these walls affect their other relationships.

In Mike's case, his relationship with El is defined by these walls, and he uses her as a way of keeping them up. His relationship with Will is similar, though more to the extent that he's the only person who Mike lets them down around. We also see this in the way he represses his feelings for Will. He also has walls around his feelings to hide them from himself.

Nancy is in a similar boat. Her relationship with Steve was defined by the way she repressed her feelings, it was a shield that she used against her grief for Barb. With Jonathan she could let her walls down. But Nancy is still repressing her grief for Barb. We see that with her Vecna vision in season 4. She hasn't fully processed this, and she's hiding these feelings from herself, just like Mike is with his feelings for Will.

Nancy and Mike are very similar characters. They are both selfless and caring and incredibly smart. And they are both stubborn and so very bad at processing their feelings. They've both built walls around themselves so that they don't have to acknowledge that they're hurting. And when you've got these two people with walls and no basis for healthy communication, you get this strained relationship that's hurting them both. You get two people who love each other very much, but are worlds apart.

I think there's some merit to the idea that Nancy is trying to be everybody else's big sister. She doesn't know how to do that for Mike, so she tries to do it for his friends, because they're easier to talk to. They don't have walls that she needs to break down. They don't have a relationship with her that was built on a foundation of repressed feelings and antagonism.

We see Nancy try to reach out to Mike at the end of season 1. She tells him no more secrets and then immediately lies to her about her feelings for Jonathan. And regardless of whether you believe that Mike is bi or gay, it's clear that his response to her question about El is supposed to be a direct parallel to that. Neither of them are ready to keep that promise yet. Neither of them are ready to let down those walls and let the other in.

But that season 1 conversation gives me hope for them. Because the Duffers have shown us time and again that they don't throw in lines for shits and giggles. They don't just forget details from earlier seasons. The same people who gave us blue meets yellow in the west, who gave us numerous callbacks to season 2 in season 4, who paralleled Jonathan's talk with Will to Karen's talk with Mike, didn't just forget an important character moment from the first season. The same show that has shown us it knows how to write siblings, knows how to write friends, and is in the process of writing one of the greatest queer love stories we have ever seen, didn't just abandon this sibling relationship.

I fully believe that Mike is going to go missing next season somehow. And yes this will be great for us bylers who get to see Will looking for Mike with the same intensity that Mike looked for Will. But it will also force Nancy to confront her love for Mike as well as her trauma with Barb. And the next time they see each other they will finally be ready to tear down those walls and truly be vulnerable with each other. They'll finally keep their promise.

The beginning of season 4 is a small moment as far as their ineractions go. It's short and rushed and they are both annoyed at each other. And for me, it's also painfully real. Their relationship isn't bad writing, or Nancy not caring about Mike. It's a tragedy. Another casualty of the Wheeler trauma.

[ratcandy]

Subcon Forest Analysis

Hi everyone I'm here to spill my aggressive overflowing thoughts on Subcon Forest and what it represents because it's been driving me insane since I finished the Sleepy Subcon time rift. Okay let's go. Obvious spoilers for AHIT ahead so proceed with caution.

This is also very, very long.

Disclaimer/warning: I will be discussing abusive/unhealthy relationships in this analysis. I mean. Vanessa. Come on. Also, there is a section on the nooses, and that delves, of course, into mentions of suicide. It will be sectioned off and easily skipped, but if you'd rather be safe and skip the entire post, that's completely understandable! Please stay safe. <3

Alright. Main point to be had here:

Subcon Forest is a giant extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character.

You all get to now listen to me spout nonsense about metaphors and symbolism because I'm a sucker for analysis and I'm given an opportunity to go ham. So perish.

The Ice

Let's start with the most obvious and most glaring thing in Subcon. The ice. It's everywhere. Not just outside Vanessa's manor, either; no, it's throughout the village, too. Shows up in the well and in random locations sprinkled about. When it comes to literal plot, we know that ice is just what lingers after Vanessa's wintery curse on Subcon. But going deeper and analyzing the meaning behind it?

Well, let's look at this from the perspective I've suggested. Subcon Forest being an extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character. A symbol for Vanessa then litters his mind, enough where it's certainly noticeable at first but blends in more easily once more of Subcon is unlocked to Hat Kid. This is clearly meant to be his lingering trauma, whether or not he wants to acknowledge it. Which he doesn't, as he never mentions it directly in his forest (that I can recall). Her influence plagues him, as to be expected with the traumatic experiences he went through with her. Breaking the ice is something Hat Kid must do in order to fulfill the wishes of the Fire Spirits (another subject I'll get into shortly), which, if self-indulgently playing with the found family idea, could mean that Hat Kid is helping him heal; if indirectly. Even if fulfilling the Fire Spirits' wish to die is... counterproductive, in that measure, which I'm now getting ahead of myself so hold on a sec!!

Vanessa. Ice. Everywhere. Traces of it all over his forest. That's the effects of an abusive relationship! Especially in a worst-case scenario where... yknow! One party in the relationship dies! So of course ice would be everywhere.

In and of itself, ice is a common symbol in literature and other forms of media. In this case, it's presented as an antagonistic force; emphasis is placed upon freezing and the harm that comes with it. The cold is unwelcoming, threatening, merciless. Snow can act as an insulating force, at least, but ice cannot. It can only make things colder.

A slight stretch: Seeing as this game deals a lot with time shenaniganry, I'm not sure if it'd be too out of left field to connect "freezing" with the theme of time. Yknow. Frozen in time. Both parties here, Snatcher and Vanessa, would be in this frozen state. One largely repressing it and never fully moving on, and the other doomed to her isolation ever since the event in question. They never moved past that moment after the Prince and florist's interaction.

The Fire Spirits (& the Portraits)

I'll put a slight warning here for suicidal ideation, if only because... it's the Fire Spirits we're talking about. It's not as grossly in-detail as the noose discussion will be, though, so make of that what you will.

To me, the Fire Spirits are a very interesting case. After all, they're fire. They're a direct contrast to the ice, thus being the only thing we're shown that could potentially melt it. The Fire Spirits, in my opinion, represent hope or a strength to continue. A strength to move on after troubles of the past.

...And that hope wants to die.

The Fire Spirits wish to burn out, to leave this mortal coil and abandon the forest to the cold. They make no effort to melt the ice, they simply dance, blissfully ignorant towards their surroundings. This being a metaphor for Snatcher's own hope for moving on is made all the more obvious by the fact he wants them gone. The first contract is to kill the Fire Spirits, to kill the hope. Perhaps he believes that sort of thing to be fruitless or naïve, so it only clutters his mind or has him foolishly optimistic at points. So, get rid of it. And the hope is happy to oblige.

(That, or their willingness to leave the forest to its own suffering and not aid in the ice's thaw angers him. Besides the whole "bark bark growl I can't get to parts of my forest because of them!!" which... also could represent a naïve hope clouding his judgement, not allowing him to see a bigger picture. But hope can't all be lost if one wants to move forward...)

A little side-tangent now on the portraits! And it's another slight stretch but the idea is in my head and I can't let it go. Portraits are another common symbol, usually being a physical representation of a memory or idea. For our purposes, let's say they're memories. I know in canon they appear to just hold souls captive or something but for now we're just Ignoring That(tm). The Fire Spirits have to burn the portraits to disappear. See where I'm going with this, maybe?

Instead of handling bad memories (or perhaps memories of the past in general) in any healthy manner, Snatcher chooses to forget/repress them, which just allows his hope to progressively die out.

I'm really hoping this is making sense because it makes a lot of sense to me but I might be insane rn

The Fact that this is a Forest

Forest symbolism breakdown! What's a forest usually mean in literature? "Traditionally, the forest has come to represent being lost, exploration and potential danger as well as mystery and 'other worldliness'." Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. That certainly works with the whole aesthetic we've got going on. Wood usually is life, growth and strength. But the trees of subcon are all dead. So what about that? It stands for death, big whoop, very spooky, we know Snatcher's dead and so are the children, yadda yadda wowie wowie. But. :) The trees in Subcon look a lot like trees that were scorched in a forest fire. Don't believe me?

(You could also argue they're just regular marsh/swamp trees bUT SSHHSUUHSH HANG ON HEAR ME OUT LOOK LOOK,)

What I believe to have happened was a controlled fire to rid the forest of the majority of its ice and snow. Likely done by Snatcher. It leaves behind a very desolate, depressing, barren scene... but. What else do dead/burnt trees symbolize? Rebirth. After all, controlled fires happen to make way for new trees to take the place of old ones. Some trees only drop seeds in fires/hot temperatures, so new ones take root and begin anew. Weird. It's almost like... I dunno. Snatcher was given some sorta second chance, given he's not just a corpse in Vanessa's cellar. So were the subconites. Another life given then by Snatcher. All connected I tell ya!!

Generally, aside from that, forests have many connotations. Mystery, isolation, claustrophobia; a place to dwell on regrets, or the past; to worry over one's future; to seek escape from or escape inside of... hmgmrnmm!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Nooses

The t/w is given at the top and another cut-off point will follow the bottom of this, for those that would like to skip. This will delve into talk of suicide and abusive tactics used by abusers. Please don't read if it will upset you or make you feel unsafe!!!

Personally, I cannot stand the nooses, but that's just due to my own triggers. Were there a way to hide those from the game or replace the damned talking ones with anything else. I would take it. In a heartbeat. But I can still appreciate the potential analysis to be had with them. So now i'm gonna talk about it despite how uncomfortable it will make me to do so. yEa

So, what about 'em? There are three types of nooses seen in Subcon. At least that I remember but I didn't really go looking for them. Empty ones, ones containing empty subconites, and the talking ones.

Nooses in general obviously can hint towards suicidal thoughts or behaviors of the characters that interact with them. If saying Subcon is Snatcher's mind, it could suggest that he suffered from some sort of suicidal thoughts in life (or currently, if second death is possible... or if he never truly died... or maybe he's trying to figure that out...which has given me... a separate idea...uh oh). But. And hear me out. Different perspective.

A talking noose. I hate them with a fiery passion that is unmatched. But think of the packed symbolism of a noose that talks. And think more about what it says. "I wouldn't mind being strapped around a cute neck like yours." "Be careful now, I don't want to see you meet a miserable end anywhere, but with me." Oddly, a lot of what the noose says seems almost... endearing? One could argue it's a way of luring someone to put it around their necks, which in and of itself is a whole lot to unpack when it comes to suicidal thoughts beckoning one forward; painting itself as something romantic, almost. But. Here's a wild idea, now. What if the nooses, at least the talking ones, are another symbol for Vanessa?

They're tinted blue, after all. While Vanessa's scheme is more red, one could argue two things: One, ice. Blue. Ice. yeah. Or two, the fact that Snatcher's scheme is more purple. Blue and red... make... purple. So, for all we know, Snatcher's current state was a compound effort between suicidal thoughts and Vanessa's treatment of him. Perhaps he even found a way to put himself out of his misery before freezing/starving to death. (I know he has dialogue that argues against that, but... are we certain Snatcher would be the kind to admit suicide over freezing to death?... I don't think so.)

At any rate, a common threat by those in "control" of an abusive relationship is that of killing themselves should the other person not do as they desire. It's a cruel form of emotional manipulation to get their way, worse off if the other party is an empathetic individual. As a person who has been the empathetic individual in relationships like this... I would know. I've been here, unfortunately So, it's not completely out of the question to say Vanessa could've used some tactic like that, even before the whole... cellar ordeal. Did she? I dunno. I'm tossing ideas around. But if she did, the threats of such would sit around in the Prince's mind easily. Even if she has a reputation of not going through with it. It doesn't matter. That shit sticks with you forever, that scare, the potential of it ever being true, is horrifying and it ruins you. I'm projecting, Squirtle.

Still. A noose cannot hang itself. It has to have a victim.

...yea.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W PASSED -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Misc. Ideas

- The spiders: Aside from the usual things spiders can be chalked up to symbolizing - toxicity, alluring danger, just... general pain - I like the potential wordplay that can happen here. Yknow. A black widow. Say the Prince and Vanessa were married when one died. What would that leave Vanessa? A widow. ...She's red and black, too. Yknow. Like a black widow. HA wordplay is fun isn't it?

- Snatcher's tree: Love this place, love sitting in here. But not the point! The inside of Snatcher's tree is such a harsh juxtaposition to the rest of Subcon that it kinda throws ya off guard. After all, the dark, purples and blues then contrasted with the bright warm colors of the inside. Even the music switches over. The thorns outside aren't present indoors. Ohh yeah this is gonna be on the nose as hell but the Tree(tm) is 100% representing Snatcher's appearance/put-on personality vs. his truer nature. Spooky outside with thorns, foreboding, unwelcoming. Then the more comfortable interior. VULnerable. Have I even mentioned that the tree is HOLLOW I mean COME ON. The sturdiness of that tree? Nonexistent. He's not a sturdy guy at all no matter how he fronts

- Intrusions are unwelcome: Snatcher does not like the fact that Hat Kid sticks around in his forest. His personal space. His mind. In fact he tries desperately to get rid of her after their fight, not wanting her presence in his forest at all. He has no problem providing more contracts later on with the Death Wish thing, and he finds great entertainment in messing around with Hat Kid, so it's not just a weird sudden hatred he has for her; it's the fact that. After she's finished being useful, he no longer wants her around, lest she find some things she shouldn't find. Now he's just uncomfortable with her in his personal boundaries. Could just be a denial that she's helped him heal (breaking ice, stealing from Vanessa, being something interesting for his kids to interact with) or just not really wanting a child to get wrapped up in. All that. Most likely the former. Considering the amount of joke-hints he drops regarding his background during his Death Wish dialogue. I see you funny man, making jokes out of your trauma as a coping mechanism. Punts him

Annnd I think that's all I got, for now! I'll make an update post if I get any more sporadic ideas. If you read this whole thing, thank you!! and also!! Wow that was a lot!! Hell world. Please feel free to elaborate on any of my points or debate with me on em!! I'm always open to other ideas, just be aware that if I disagree I am not shy when it comes to debate hehehe, tho I won't be aggressive to any extent I prommy!!

Alrighty. goes to sleep goodnight

[amysubmits]

Hi :)

Different anon here, opposite problem. I wish I had a list of "must" to do during the day, him micro-managing my free time with tasks and such because I easily get distracted (I call it depression but I don't know whether it's that or just boredom that won't let me do much) and I forget- so at the end of the day I'll be postponing tasks on my phone. Yuck. The rare times when he asks me to do something then he won't follow up to check if I did it, because he trusts me, I guess. And he's always "Can you do this..." when I told him many times I'd like him to be a bit more strict. 😕

I guess if he's not a dominant inside I just can't make him or fix him? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry it's taken me a while to answer, I've been busier than usual.

I have several different beliefs related to this that all coexist.

1) I agree that if someone isn't naturally inclined for dominance, you can't turn them into a dom, which I think was your core point at the end there.

I truly don't mean to poke at you. So I hope my intention comes across here. I really think your wording about 'making him' or 'fixing him' is worth reflecting on a bit. Is that wording representative of how you're feeling about him? If it's not natural to him but you could 'make' him, would you actually want to make him change into something that isn't natural to him? And do you really think he needs 'fixed' if he's not dominant? I don't imagine that is really what you believe, but if that's the instinctual way that you're viewing it, I think it would be helpful to try to change your perspective a bit. I think imagining it in reverse is a good way to put it into perspective. If he wanted you to be dominant but it wasn't right for you, and he referred to it as wanting to fix you or he was curious if he could somehow make you dominant...wouldn't that really hurt?

2) While I don't think anyone can be 'turned into' a dom, I do think it's very possible for someone to have natural dominance in them that just isn't being embraced. A lot of people grow up hearing about how relationships should always be "equal", or how being controlling is bad, or how wanting power over another person is bad, all sorts of things along those lines. So I think it's pretty common for people who are naturally dominant to try to repress those desires or instincts because they think they're bad. CD told me once that he used to assume that everyone wanted control. Which is a funny idea to me because that's never been true for me at all...but I think it's natural for people to assume that their natural desires are probably shared by most other people, like that. And there are people within the D/s community here who have shared things about how after agreeing to D/s, many doms still struggle with hesitating to continue to take control because anytime they get any hint of their sub struggling with submission, or anytime they resist or 'brat' at all, it makes them feel bad and makes them worry that their sub doesn't actually want them to be in control, so they stop leading. It can be a long-term process for some doms to 'rewire' their brains to accept that it's okay to be dominant.

3) I believe people have a natural 'style' of D/s, at least to some degree. So I think it's possible for a natural dom and a natural sub to be together, but for their D/s styles to be too different for them to be able to create a dynamic that works well for both people. So I don't think it's necessarily fair to think that if someone isn't willing/able to be dominant in one specific way, that it means they aren't dominant. They may just not be that type of dominant.

4) I think dominance can naturally ebb and flow. Things like mental health, stress level, physical wellness, ad just how well their needs are being met in general, can impact how dominant someone is able to be "in practice". If two people had equal amounts of natural dominance (I know that's a silly concept to act like it can be measured but idk how else to frame it) but 'dom a' is overworked, poor, doesn't have time to take care of themselves well, rarely has time for their hobbies, and their partner doesn't do anything to help feed their dominance or perhaps even does things that make them feel less dominant....and 'dom b' has a good work/life balance, has time for self care, time to get enough sleep regularly, time to engage in hobbies and their partner is in the same boat so they have plenty of quality time together to enjoy each other and the sub does the things that help feed his dominance...I'd expect 'dom b' to express a lot more dominance than 'dom a'.

So, I think all four of those could potentially be factors in whether or not someone is dominant deep down, and also how they're able to express their dominance. I have no idea how many of these may apply to your partner but hopefully just the basic ideas help somewhat.