#i will go down with athena!aly ok

[bisexualbuckl-y]

so, i've been doing a random rewatch of 911, where I basically use a generator to select an episode number and i rewatch it... I though i'd rank the episodes I watched and give a quick opinion on them.

Today's rewatch includes:

Ep 66 - "Brawl in Cell Block 9-1-1"

Ep 13 - "Help Is Not Coming"

Ep 24 - "Broken"

Ep 13 - "Help Is Not Coming": On number three we have 2x03 not because it's bad but because the other two are sooooo good. I do have to say my girl hen shines in this one, and god that bit where she makes the vn saying bye to karen KILLS ME all the time. Also honorable mention to the bit where buck calls ali "abby" lmao OH MAN and also OFC another great bit is buck driving eddie to christopher's school and we get that wholesome hug between eddie and chris and buck watching at what's going to be his future familyyyy, i'm not crying again

OH, also, Bathena here kills meeeeee, when bobby calls athena and she picks up the phone saying "How's my man doing?" GODDDD THE THOUGHT OF ANGELA BASSET SAYING THAT TO ME OVER THE PHONEEEEEE, PETER KRAUSE YOU ARE STRONGER THAN ME! But also when bobby's like: "I need to see you, i'm at the front of your house" like ok ok we get it bobby you're a man in love <3 i'm in love with them

Ep 66 - "Brawl in Cell Block 9-1-1": On number two, one of the most rewatched 911 episodes i believe. This one's so good, but my favorite bits are of course 'pretty boy and the kid', getting to see more ravi getting involved in their emergencies and the last part where he goes to have breakfast with bobby, hen handling that surgery like the badass she is and eddie in distress when he's held hostage in the ambulance. Man what an episode! Honorable mention to bruised and stressed buck, he gets hit with the a gun, pushed to the floor and handcuffed, he thinks his partner was shot and he only gets a tiny bandaid in his forehead lol I LOVE HIM

Ep 24 - "Broken": My number one! I have to say i'm a sucker for the episodes where we see dispatch going out of their usual ways to help the people, and this one, where they have to handle everything manually because their system is down? oh man, it's just chef kiss! My favorite bits, aside from everything done in dispatch, was the pregnancy call, so emotional, so intense, we get invested hen and a millisecond of buck holding a tiny baby, eddie emotional as well and buck calling the whole bit where the simple act of a mother holding her baby SAVES HER LIFE, a MIRACLE! i'm crying once again! Also, eddie going all spiderman saving a kid from a fire, chimney helping his team even from afar and A SUDDEN barely there but super important reappearance of TOMMY, saving the day!!! that tommy's soooo cool *sighs*

Honorable mentions for broken: Madney breaking my heart over their shared trauma after the whole doug thing... and michael and bobby struggling with the issues of raising their kids as dad and stepdad. Love it, love them all, love this fucking show soooo much!

Now onto my next one, which is 3x06, aka Monsters

[lunamieres]

half  gods  are  worshipped  in  wine  and  flowers.   real  gods  require  blood.

@metiore

[buttercupbuck]

Ok but where could this go other than buddie, realistically? If eddie doesn't want ana (who is beautiful and kind and who gets on well with chris and who he genuinely liked at first), where else is there to go? Bring in another female character who he just happens to be more comfortable with? What could that woman have that ana doesn't? Have him end up with no one? That wouldn't be very satisfying, especially after this 'failed attempt', right? Like, I'm just thinking where this could go if they wanted to keep eddie straight.

this is something i’ve actually thought about a lot so im gonna rant at you, but just to preface it all, i really can’t see them going any other direction at this point

their best shot at putting eddie in a relationship with anyone other than buck was ana. we met her in s3 and they started laying the foundation for her coming back later on. i remember even as a casual viewer back then understanding that they would bring her back and put her together with eddie at some point. and on paper, she sounds perfect for him. she’s nice and (according to the writers) good with christopher, and the rest you could develop later on, right?

so they easily could’ve done right by that relationship, and put in the work to develop it into something meaningful. i don’t think it would ever have the same depth as bathena and madney since ana’s not a first responder and they don’t focus on those characters (with a few exceptions every now and then), but it still could’ve been done at least somewhat well. so why not her? why would they take a relationship that had potential and tear it down

and sure you can argue that dating her was an important step in him healing from his grief before he can settle into a healthy and fulfilling relationship with whatever woman ends up being the “one” - and don’t get me wrong, it absolutely was an important step for him, but…the writers don’t care about this. maddie and bobby (and athena and chim to a lesser extent) all had been through severe relationship trauma, and yet the writers didn’t feel it was necessary to have any of them date around before finding the one. and they also have buck for the dating around storylines (which - clearly they don’t care about considering how little development his relationship with ali got or how wack the writing has been for bt), so yeah i don’t buy that either

the only other possibility i could’ve seen is them bringing in a new female main (possibly to replace hen once she graduates from med school, idk) but a few things with that. carla’s comment about following his heart is framed in a way that implies there’s already someone on the other end of that, if that makes sense. both in the context of that comment and just in general, it would be very weird and repetitive for them to make him take time from dating someone after breaking up with ana (especially because he’s already been single for most of his time on the show) just to do this whole thing all over again and have him find the “one”

and thats not even going into the implications of him having literal panic attacks at the mere suggestion of ana being his wife or christopher’s mother, which goes way beyond just realizing you’re not in love with someone, or the development that buck and eddie’s relationship continues to receive in a way that the other friendships on the show don’t and that the other relationships on the show do, so yeah, i truly can’t see anything else happening

[princessfbi]

Okay but could you do some Buckley Siblings for the touch game? Maybe kisses on the cheek or like kissing the top of their head or one-sided hugs. I need some soft Buck and Maddie feels.

SURPRISE! There was one for the Buckley Siblings and I'm more than happy to oblige.

kisses on the cheek or like kissing the top of their head or one-sided hugs

"Okay," Maddie said as she flitted around Buck's new but still bare living room. "You have my number and you have Chimney's number and Bobby's too."

And Hen's and Athena's and Eddie's and Josh's in case he couldn't get in touch with Maddie through her phone. Honestly, if Buck didn't have a big reminder of white plaster on his leg he'd start to wonder if Maddie had forgotten he wasn't eleven anymore.

Buck watched as Maddie picked up her keys and tossed them in her bag and then grabbed a book he was pretty sure she already finished and tossed that in as well.

"I get off at six," Maddie added. "Your next round of pain meds isn't until noon. Make sure you eat something with them or you'll upset your stomach."

Buck watched as Maddie grabbed what was the chinese food menu from their dinner the night before and threw that in her purse as well. Honestly, he didn't even know why she was packing her purse. She'd left it on the kitchen table the day she'd swooped in like a hurricane the moment she heard Ali had left and all but moved in.

Buck... couldn't find it in himself to be mad she didn't even let him wallow in his post breakup grief because it was nice having his sister with him through all the rippling reminders of pain in his leg. But that had been three days ago and she was going into work for a five hour shift.

He could manage five hours alone.

"Mads," Buck tried as Maddie realized she was holding a coaster and put it back down.

Maddie's eyes widened as her mouth dropped into a round oh before she turned on her heel and pointed at Buck.

"Eddie is coming over, right? He said he was coming over when I texted him."

"Yeah, he's coming around ten. But Mads--"

"Call me if he doesn't because you cannot put any weight on your leg yet and I don't want you trying to navigate going to the bathroom on your own."

Buck blushed furiously at the reminder.

"Maddie--"

"Are you sure you're going to be okay? I can call Sue and take off. You know what? I'm going to do that. I don--"

"Maddie."

Buck certainly did not whine. He didn't. But Maddie was stressing out which was stressing him out and he was trying very hard not to do that because stressing out only stressed Maddie out.

She shouldn't have to babysit him just because some kid tried to kill Bobby and the blow had ricocheted onto Buck. She had a life now. A good life.

Buck wanted her to live it.

And maybe... stop worrying for five minutes about him.

He'd be fine.

He'd hadn't been on his own for more than a few minutes in days but he'd fine. It was fine.

"I will be fine," he said and even though it didn't sound as convincing as it did in his head, it was still steady enough to get the job done.

Maddie sighed and dropped her shoulders before she was crossing the distance of the living room and standing over his blanket nest she'd settled him in on the couch. Maddie grabbed his face and before he could pull away, she planted a kiss on his cheek, and held him still.

"Yes, you will be," she said; promised.

Maddie's promises always meant something and like all the others Buck held this one close too.

He'd be fine.

Maddie made sure of it.

"Ok," Maddie said with a smile, much more relaxed now. "Call me if you need me."

She pulled his head down and kissed the top of his head and Buck grumbled under his breath because it was his little brother prerogative to complain about his sister being gross.

It was nice still but he would never tell.

She cupped his face and rubbed her thumb across his cheek.

"I love you. I'll be back tonight. Try to get some sleep."

Buck rolled his eyes and mumbled his 'I love you too' so that only she could hear and accepted the side hug before he was at his limit and was slumping back into the couch.

Five hours. He'd miss her like hell but that wasn't something he wasn't going to tell her. Not when she had five hours to live her life.

Buck could do five hours. For Maddie? He would wait for forever if she asked.

[johnmurphysreddit]

Collected spoilers and predictions

And my steaming hot takes on them

Lexa comes back to tell Clarke it’s OK to move on.  

8/10 on the likely scale.  Could be the actress. Could be a tech handwavium.  

Lexa downloaded into Russell along with Sheiheda and they’ll fight for control of the body

And then Jason will say something incredibly awkward about his Ultimate Bisexual lead.  

Sheiheda is Cadogan

Scarred emo boy in a hood looked too young for that to me, but if Indra is about 50 and Sheiheda was an evil overlord when she was a girl and we’re 100 years post apocalypse when Cadogan looked about 40 in his anti-tech videos....  Eh, the timeline was broken this season anyway.  Continuity has never been a hard limit, and maybe that “each season is a movie” thing was to tell us this season’s even more off than others. 

Sheiheda is the Shepherd

TBH I don’t understand this theory.  How’s an emo teen murder boy from Sangeda who was on earth 50 years after the bombs simultaneously supposed to have lead a bunch of culty space mercs?  

Cadogan is the Shepherd.  The level 12s of his cult found the wormhole on earth and that’s why the bunker was empty.  

Intriguing.  

Cadogan is the Shepherd and they put him in cryo when his “tech is bad” philosophy conflicted with their use of mind readers, invisi-helmets, and wormholes that they got from the aliens. 

We’re 25% of the way into the season.  If we were going to see aliens I hope we’d see them by now or be focused on building tension around the “ooohhh aliens!” issue.  But yeah, I think they iced down the Shepherd when his philosophy was no longer useful but having him as a focal point was. 

Orlando was Cadogan. 

Unlikely.  Jason loves his own mythology and Orlando was a one episode character who’s dead now. 

Clarke and Bellamy will wormhole back to the destroyed earth and restore the soil with Monty’s algae

In what continuity are they the people most inclined or able to tend and restore the soil? 

Bellamy will be an amnesiac cultist when they find him and he’ll try to kill Clarke

My eyes just rolled so hard I saw my own brain, so yeah, 9/10 chance it will happen. 

The way wormholes work and the planets are shown positioned on the diagram Penance is running at normal time it just seems faster compared to Sanctum.  Sanctum is incredibly slow and Bardo is unknown.  Bellamy could be anywhere from a few years older than when he left to dead of old age. 

I don’t think Jason knows or cares how wormholes work and we’ve seen pictures of Bob looking well scrubbed but more or less the same as when he left but in a new outfit. 

Under the Sanctum is the slow one theory earth has had thousands or millions of years to recover and they can go back to a lush green planet. 

Gotcha.  And bumping this up to plausible.

No no no that’s wrong.  Earth and Sanctum are on similar time scales because we know Josephine and Russell’s age and.....

You guys are in too deep. “Time is misbehaving but there’s no time travel” means to me that counting the timeline is useless but no one is going backwards.

Bardo is Earth but after recovery time has passed.  Cadogan’s people won (sort of) and they did inherit the earth.  They were chilling in some other bunker still while the Grounder-Arker apocalypses were rolling. 

I think that violates Jason’s no time travel statement, but I’m here for the idea that there are still bunker people on earth who skipped the entire Grounder and power plant melt down phase. 

Bardo is on Earth inside a bunker.  Boom. No time travel. 

This theory is from reddit thus the hostility in the phrasing.  

Clarke and Bellamy use the portals to go back and stop the apocalypse. 

That would make a spin off about the apocalypse really awkward. Also when have Clarke and Bellamy jointly ever deescalated a situation? 

The timelines split.

I love infinite possibility stories but they don’t seem to be doing that. 

“The last war. A war to end all wars” is their attempt to kill Clarke.  Clarke is Athena. 

That would be a loud scream in the direction of BSG and I wouldn’t put it past them. 

Our heroes have been the bad guys all along.

I mean yeah.  Does anyone not know by now that “bad” is a matter of perspective?  If not the Sanctumites who would really like to go back to organic farming and only losing people occasionally instead of in bulk and by fire would like to have a chat with you. All that “my people” stuff was to establish that there are multiple sides to a conflict. 

It’s going to come down to a battle of Heda!Russell and the Sanctum collective against the Shepherd and his cult. 

I don’t care about any of that at all, so 9/10 likely. 

Gabriel and the Primes knew more about Bardo and the Shepherd than they’ve let on

We kind of got hints of that from some of Russell’s final dialogue about “ok you deal with it” and TBH I still don’t trust Gabriel.  200 years of intellectual curiosity just isn’t a strong enough reason for me to buy that he’s super zen as they’re hopping through time and space. 

They guy who kidnapped Gaia is Bellamy.

If Bellamy had an invisibility suit I can’t see him using it to grab Gaia.  Doesn’t matter if he’s brainwashed or not.  Gaia just wasn’t a major player last time Bellamy saw her.  It was an opportunistic grab and it doesn’t matter who does one of those. 

There are six planets. Sanctum, Skyring, Bardo, Nakara, Ethera, and one offline.  The offline one is Earth.

Maybe?  Where did these planet names come from. 

There are six planets.  Sanctum, Skyring, Bardo, Nakaro, Ethera, and one offline.  The offline one is ALIE’s world.  Or Ethera is ALIEs world.  Either way, ALIEs world is back in play. 

Sounds plausible.  

The cult is similar to the church in book 4 of the book series.

I don’t think Jason has read the book series and if he did he’s not going to admit it.  He may have had an intern give him notes on it so he can throw some kibble to people who have but I wouldn’t expect the similarities to run deep. 

Elligus 3 sold crew space to Cadogan’s cult, so we’ve got a coming conflict between the Elligus 3 descendants and the Cadogan people

Plausible.  The people on sanctum are, in part, Elligus 3 descendants so this is already set up.

(BTS gossip and spec)

NOPE.  Not getting into it.  But I will say that the excessive use of day rate actors and greenscreen may be keeping the budget per episode down but it isn’t enhancing my enjoyment of the season. 

They’re all going to disperse at the end.  No more “we’re the last of the human race.”  The human race can’t be stopped because it’s not in one location.

That’s very BSG. Steal from the best. 

Clarke will pull a lever and die at the end. 

That would be very on brand of her.

(character) x (character) endgame.

Every decision from the writing room at this point needs to be framed as “what gets them on a list to generate long term viewer dollars and relevance in five years.”  I don’t believe shipping is part of Jason’s calculation. Some people very strongly disagree.  We shall see. 

It’s all a dream / Clarke’s been dead since (point) / none of them ever left ALIEs world / they’ve all been in cryo in underground bunkers the whole time.

This could be done really well or really poorly depending on the specifics of how they handled it

That’s the end of my list but I know I missed a lot.  Comment or send me asks with others.  It looks like we’re in for a ride. 

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode #10: “Can You Hear My Eyes Rolling Cause They Are” ~ Owen

I LIVED!!!! Which is good, I'm so glad to be on the side with numbers, that was a good blindside, I'm trying not to feel too bad for Emily since she WROTE MY NAME DOWN. also i wonder who the other vote for me was, i bet it was Cameron so he can play both sides. *EYES* I'm so happy to still be here time to win this challenge! ________________________________________________________________ Also I don't get why Lily is so salty she tried to BLINDSIDE ME

i didn't switch to lily because im mostly a dumbass. also i didn't want her to be bitter but five minutes later that decision turned out to mean nothing. emily voted ruthie with me, i'm not sure who the third vote was??? could they please stand up im tired of living in the dark. i think lily voted for me (also i love getting votes in my last three tribals it's the only thing that makes me feel relevant). anyways what matters is that i'm here, but i don't know how much longer i'll last at this rate. to be fair i was honest with these ppl about who i was voting for so like...but it's also like if i had better connections i would've known but oh well!! new round new me am i right haha :,)

If you think I cried a lot in Themyscira, you should see me now. I'm a pro at this point

LILY'S GONE LILY'S NOT ON JURY CHARLOTTE IS ON JURY I M W I N N I N 

Ok I know I'm not supposed to be here and "the tribe has spoken" but hold up. Did Lildemort really just quit? Sis put all that Coco Montrese-level work in round after round to get me out JUST to quit when the going got tough? And now CHARLOTTE is getting whisked away to fill the jury spot?

I can't even. Yes the evil is defeated and good for Charlotte BUT BITCH. Are... are y'all saying... that this is protocol? So like if anything else goes haywire or someone else quits, IM GOING INTO JURY??? I suddenly don't remember unstanning Athena and my PTSD from these seasons is in check again. Athena jury is my true calling and if this is All-Stars and y'all want the most lit jury.... please please please let me fuck it up. I know I know nothing's official and yes this is Charlotte's moment but like

Ya know you could always do a twistos twist. We don't have to do the same thing twice, someone else quitting and a prejuror coming back. Athena trailblazes and I have been a stellar guinea pig my whole life. Ok so placement! We could be poetic: since I got blindsided 5-2 again, I could be Juror #3 again. OR we could wait a bit and I walk in like 5th or 6th, give my enemies a chance to get there ya know and then I wreak havoc. OR we can be super messy, put me in last, and then everyone will be on the floor deceased. I'm very open minded and down to negotiate. Aaaaalll I'm saying is: if y'all want the drama and the ratings, you know who to call

Whew it's taking a whole lot out of me to put effort into my social game. Like I'm really drained. Like so incredibly drained. Talking to these people really hurts honestly. It really does. And for some reason, I'm the least upset with Will and Cameron. Cameron specifically, I'm fine with quite honestly. He was the only one that had the courage to message me last night and... it just made me feel better. No one else messaged me. Ali did but I think it was because Cameron messaged him telling him to message me. I feel most betrayed by Ali honestly mkdsmfkacsd I'm really trying to decide my next course of action

Emily telling me she's the least mad at me and Cameron after the Lily vote is incredible, seeing as we were two of the people pushing the hardest for her to go. Remember that social game everyone said I didn't have in Azores? Here it is now, because I have Emily, Owen, Zach, and Ruthie all spilling tea and taking the fall for me while the rest of the alliance takes the heat. If anything, my ass is safe for at least one more round because Dana put a huge target on herself - not saying that I would EVER want Dana to go, because I feel like we can protect her if she's the target. There are whispers that Duncan's gonna be the next target for his flip-flopping behavior, and Emily might even want to target Owen next. If we let Emily think she has some power after last night, we could steer her right into getting idoled out which would be evil but also incredible. If Owen/Dana/Ali are her public enemies number 1, 2, and 3 right now then... that's perfect for me. A path is opening up towards the end for me, and I really, really love it. Some people don't learn from their mistakes, but it's 2018 and this year is about growth and personal development - I know why I lost Azores, and now I can see how I can win All Stars. ________________________________________________________________ I'm starting to get worried though because I'm realizing I don't think I can beat Cameron in a F3...and I don't like the thought of having to vote him out and I don't think I could beat him in a F4 tiebreaker either...So the next few tribals need to look like this: F11/F10 boot is Duncan/Owen, F9 boot is Emily, F8-F6 is some combination of Ashvika/Ruthie/Zach, then F5 boot is Cameron and F4 would be unanimously Kevin. Like I said, we can let Emily dictate the F11/F10 targets and I think she'd go for those two first, then we can let her think it's one of us going and play an idol to take her out at F9 (and Cameron/myself wouldn't get the heat). Then we have a clear majority at F8 of our 4 plus really...any of the others who wanna keep going. Then at F6, any idols will have to be played so I just need to make sure I don't become a robbed legend. And then F5 will either be 4-1 or 3-2 and Cameron has to go - and I hate hate HATE that but I'm so worried about me being safe at F4 hinging on winning final immunity. But we'll see I guess. If I'm gonna go to the F3 with my alliance, it needs to be with Ali and Dana - because people think they're erratic and floaters. This is how it's gonna have to be though and I can see a path to the end...but it's not an easy path and people are gonna be Mad with a big fat capital M.

OH HOHO, SO DUNCAN WANTS ME OUT HUH? Well honey, I've got some news for you. One, I have an idol. Two, I have friends in high places. And three? You are not so powerful. I am loved and I am winning this game, and taking the days played record right from your hands. I love you, but you are not taking me down today. 

Whew I've been a roller coaster of emotions for the past twenty four hours and I've finally calmed down and I feel a lot more woke now. Here are some comments on everyone still in the game. ALI: Ali is a hard one because both Duncan and I feel very betrayed by him. Ali didn't fill Duncan in on the Lily vote, it was someone else that told Duncan. And I thought Duncan and Ali were like spearheading the Duncan vote. And I also told Owen about Ali's idol, but I'll get to that part. I don't think I trust Ali anymore unless he can prove to me otherwise. I've been having a very difficult time talking to him because I do feel incredibly betrayed. What I don't understand is why he thought that I had an idol or Lily had an idol? I didn't. I think he knew that. I told him so many times I just wanted to be informed of what was happening, and I thought a good, trustworthy ally of mine would tell me the truth. But he didn't. Not until 10:00. Which I think is very cowardly. I'm playing with a flock of cowards. ASHVIKA: Honestly I'm really pissed she's in such an... untouchable position? In my eyes, she's been super inactive? Maybe that's wrong, but I've not talked to her much at all. I believe she's in an untouchable position because of her allies. She's got Will, Dana, Zach, Duncan... like people on all sides? And that makes me mad? She's going to make it far and it makes me upset. DANA: Queen of unknowingly telling me that Lily was going last night <3 LOL Dana didn't know that I didn't know Lily was leaving and was straight up with me so that's real cute. I know she's close with Zach and has talked about wanting to work with Zach and I but I don't even know where Zach and I stand... I'll comment on that later in Zach's portion of this confession. I also feel like Dana is in a good position and it's >:( PUT ME IN UR POSITIONS U FUCKS DUNCAN: Duncan I thought was a lot more in on the vote than he actually was, which makes me feel bad about exposing his idol to Owen, but I was just SO MAD!!! I think Duncan is feeling the same way about Ali as I am. He's really hurt that Ali would like... go behind the backs of his close allies like this? And, honestly? It's not smart either? We are the only ones (to my knowledge) that know about Ali's idol? Like? Why would Ali do something like this lmao it's just stupid quite honestly. I'm going to have to figure out what to do moving forward but... I trust Duncan and Ali a whole lot. KEVIN: Tbh king of voting in the minority. I really don't have many feelings on Kevin but I honestly feel bad and I'm really confused why he was left out of the vote last round??? Like omg??? Poor Kevin I feel bad. King of being my secret santa. Cameron: After all of this has happened, I trust Cameron the most. I feel like he is being the most genuine with me and the most sincere about wanting to work with me. I think he's going to be someone I want to work with long term. I'm trying to be as adaptable as possible. And I think Cameron will help me out? Maybe? I just don't want to die this round holy fuck. I trust Cameron a good amount and I'm willing to do whatever he wants me to do this round to keep myself alive. And if this is my last round, it's my last round. I still have lots of friends in the game that'd I'd be happy winning. I'm just really concerned idk OUP AND I'VE JUST BEEN INFORMED BY DUNCAN WHO WAS INFORMED BY ALI THAT Cameron TOLD ALI HE HAS AN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK OWEN: Okay. Owen's,,,,, been found the heck out. HE HAS BEEN FOUND THE HECK OUT. Like, y'all. Owen is playing me so hard. And I HAVE BEEN AWARE OF IT TOO. I'VE SEEN IT HAPPENING. AND I'M LIKE. OH THAT'S SKETCHY. HAVE I DONE ANYTHING ABOUT IT? NO! Owen told me he was campaigning hard for Kevin to go and from what I was told by Cameron, Owen was actually campaigning for Lily to go, but saying he didn't want to actually vote for Lily because he wanted to stay in my good graces! And he did the same thing with the Madison vote but voting for Jack and not picking a fucking side! Oh god. I felt so alone last night and when Owen called me, I just let it out. I exposed some tea I probably shouldn't have. But I think I know how I can deal with it? I don't know. I think Duncan is a very likely target this round. If he doesn't use his hideout, he needs to use his idol. Like. He's very likely to go home. And we can idol out a big person if we use it. Whether it's Will, Dana, Ashvika, or Ali I don't care. I want one of them gone. And I think we can do it. I think we need to keep Owen out of that plan though? I don't know what's going to go on. I want Owen gone but I know Duncan doesn't so like... this is going to be a big mess lol RUTHIE: God who the fuck knows honestly. I don't. WILL: I like Will but he's got his own little... posse. And they scare me. Him, Cameron, Ashvika, Dana, Zach, and Ali. And probably Owen, honestly. They fucking......... I won't let them run this game no sir-ee! I don't know how to fix it but fksdfjasd. Also I thought he had an idol but no, Cameron has that. So. Anyways I don't have much to say about Will. I'm fine with him. Don't want him to vote me out. ZACH: I love Zach so so so much and he's a great person but like I have no clue where we stand in the game anymore. Actually i just messaged him a long thing and I think we're all okay. Also I'm gonna submit his and all of my Zach talk is just gonna be the same uWu I love zach so much stuff so like I'm just gonna send it y'all know I love zach already no need to say it again bye

I AM SO PROUD OF WILL!! Now to figure out what to do.  I really don't want Emily to go and it's simply because she's just too gosh darn likable.  I'm going to try to figure something out with Cameron and Will though and right now they are my saviors, I'll do whatever they want to do but I also really don't want Owen or Zach to leave either. 

Honestly I don't know what to think. I feel bad because I partially betrayed Emily by knowing Lily was leaving but lying, or failing to tell! Wooh love omission! But I think i've talked with her and i'm sure it's not super fixed but it's a little better. I now have an alliance with Duncan and Ashvika, then my pal Dana. How loyal am I? Well... not a lot. I don't want them to release this information and then by default, i'm the one being voted out because of "betrayal" or whatnot. But i'm not sure who i'd love to see. I guess my ideal people are Kevin, and a little Ruthie/Ali. I like everyone genuinely and i'm upset by Lily's reaction and just overall execution, but I feel like it was a fine move and despite it not being mine, I think Cameron came off as very aggressive and negative and that's going to bite him in the ass I think. But I made jury so HALLELUJAH!! 3/3 in Jury! And also - it's day 100 for me!! AHH!!!

In reference to last round? "That vote was messy so I’m going to follow suit. It’s open season on everyone’s asses and I’m pissed off and ready to shoot" Thats how i felt after i read what happened and everyone almost omitted me from the vote. According to Will i was left out because i mentioned to emily earlier on in the day that people were throwing lily's name out there. Also i told people i wanted to do lily next round, so people thought i was not going to budge on it and did not bother telling me the vote. What disappointed me though was Ali not coming through and telling me. He really let me down and because of that he's pushed me away. I told him we're fine and that im not mad any more. I mean its true, I'm not mad anymore, IM PISSED!!! So if he can't trust me i can't trust him. I made a finals deal with Ashvika tonight, and told her about ali's idol and Cameron's idol. If loose lips are gonna sink ships i don't want to be aboard the ship, i want to be behind the canon gunning it down. Who says there aren't any pirates on survivor? lol But anyways ashvika and i also made a foursome alliance with zach and dana since we feel like they're a tight duo who are dependable. I really so like the group as people and they're people i've never played with before which makes it even more exciting! Do i want to go to the end with them? Absolutely not! but its a cute group to get through the next couple rounds. I do intend on going to the end with ashvika though. the only person thats been 100 with me the whole game. I do believe she's with me but i need to make sure my other bonds are strong because im not giving anyone the power to obliterate my game. i've learned and I'm finished making mistakes 

I always align with men and I hate myself

________________________________________________________________ This FINALLY uploaded. It's from the morning after we merged.

Hi moms I don't know how i'm voting tonight, which tbh, shouldn't be a shocker to yall. I'm a mess, but I haven't heard my name. Tbh send me on vacation to visit my girl Charlotte. But ideally i'd like to be 4th-5th juror because then i'll be more informed about the game so like let me meme around a little bit longer. Also this is my mood for today On 1/11/18, at 12:16 PM, Dana Barry wrote: > the girl im talking to: what are you up to today? > me: not being stressed out by tribal council in an org

This is really just my mood (see below) for this round because it's so clear Emily's trying to scramble by not really scrambling and if one of my alliance gets idoled out tonight i'm setting fire to the rain. Sorry that the game isn't going your way queen! I'm the Sarah Lacina and Brad Culpepper to your Sandra, Aubry, and Cirie and this is Game Changers xoxo Emily, 2:21 PM im not used to not knowing whats going on in a game afjsfkjasdklfas

Okay so I made a video confession and I’ll upload soon but... I’m excited about my new position in the game. I’m bouncing back, I think? I’ve been able to reestablish my relationships with Cameron, Will, Zach, and Ali and I am working on building on with Dana. I’m trying to get on the good side of Cameron & Co.™️ And I think it’s going well? Ali is talking to me and is very uneasy about Duncan. Rightfully so because Duncan is mad at Ali. I also am playing off the exposing-Ali-and-Duncan’s-idols-to-Owen thing off like Duncan was the one that could possibly leak it to Owen, since they’re close. And I think Ali believes it. Unless he already knows I told Owen and like? Idk. But Ali has also told me that he feels weird about Duncan because I am the one that he screwed over, and yet Duncan is the one upset. I’m not upset anymore and I’m moving on. Duncan is not happy. I am just sitting back, spreading subtle information, and getting people to target each other while I cuddle with my cats from afar. I’ve told Will and Cameron both that I am just here to take orders at this point. I don’t want to get in the way of anything. And I have opinions, I just want let them out until someone says them for me first. I’m trying to be agreeable, valuable, and calm this round. OTT Emily is no more. CP Emily is back, okay? She’s here to stay!!! I’m calm. I’m cool. I’m collected. I can do this.

I told people what I'm thinking today, which means pasta la vista 2 me. Idk i'm not even trying to lie to people but honestly i'm one of those people who is like so manipulative that sometimes I lie to myself and then get confused about what the truth is so wiggy. Does that happen to other people? I'm getting more crackedt by the minute. Who knows how i'm voting. I just want to vote Emily because she's being a problem and messy quen who sent my pms to everyone in the game to exploit me 4 being dumb and gullible. A funky strategy, like exploit me all u want but u probably arent winnin. Also weirdly Duncan thinks votes tonight are going to be on Emily anyway, so like now I can maybe make that happen. I'm a sneaky weasel with the power of a 50% functional brain behind me, aka a WINNER. Earlier today tho I was voting out Duncan though so blegh and also nobody wants to talk to me, which is good leave me alone. I just dont feel like getting voted out yet, sort of, and the other part of me is like bye world i could use some time in solitary confinement. Is that a mood for everyone or just me? I just sent the tribe chat a picture of Owen as a goat idk i like to laugh. This is a rant and she doesn't make sense can someone get jesus to talk to me because she is ignoring my pms too. Also I just signed out of skype so I can calm down and give myself a break from being as upsetting. Ok i'm going to stop writing now gn. 

https://youtu.be/5PdXIHGvMpk me talking 2 ppl pretending it's cool they left me in the dark anyways i love getting votes 3 tribals in a row. and APPARENTLY according to Cameron i might be receiving votes tonight. exciting! if you're gonna vote for me do it right and take me out you cowards all you're doing is making my skin break out. the alternate options are all from atalaia: ruthie and emily!!! whew!!

https://tmblrsurvivorextra.tumblr.com/post/169591129951

“Okay I did eenie meenie minie moe and it landed on ruthie so that’s how I’ll be voting” 

I made myself laugh with that one. If they ain’t going to make a decision, you decide for them

I truly am channeling my inner Eliza Orlins by being targeted so often. Whew! So turns out Cameron's a snake because Duncan gave me the receipts (well not any receipts actually but I'm trusting his word). APPARENTLY Cameron only told me Emily as a fake target because he was intending to vote for me. Snakes are gonna snake snake snake snake snake. Duncan and others are telling me Ruthie. Im supposed to believe that the tide is turning towards Ruthie but people here have a habit of spewing lies. Duncan just told me to act clueless and stuff or whatever if people approach me about the vote. I don't need to try to act clueless, because I don't know shit!

You would think that, being immune, I would feel safe, comfortable, happy. No I feel none of the above and I want to scream. I love Cameron but for some reason he won't take a breath and do the easy vote like dude...It doesn't need to be another big blindside or another big move. I'm worried that he's getting a little too confident and feels like he's the one in charge of the alliance, which is not cute at all. I don't want to be mad at him but I'm definitely frustrated, annoyed. My patience? She's being tested. I feel like I need to take a backseat on this one and just let whatever happens happen, because I'm in a good enough place with people that I can pick up the pieces if something horrible happens tonight. Cameron's hardcore overplaying and it's not a good look for him or our alliance if things start to get messy though.

I’m putting a lot of blind trust into Cameron but he’s the only one lending me enough rope to hold on to. I’m so nervous but I’m trying to stay sane this vote. I was expecting my name to come up tonight, but I wasn’t expecting it to come from Duncan, which is who I’ve been told brought my name up. I’m not playing a winner’s game right now. I’m so nervous and I don’t know how to fix it.

I love Owen sending me this big paragraph at merge, then telling Duncan I should go from the start of merge and saying how easily playable I am. I love Duncan who I trusted and told _everything_ targetting me for truly no reason, when I actually did attempt to clue him in on the vote. He just wasn't online. He is channelling his bitterness at not being in the loop at me, which is totally unfair. I love Emily who I thought I could trust telling everything about my idol to Owen. I went to her so many times trying to stress how much I valued her. I was the first person to clue her into the vote, I'm just sad. Obviously its just on a game level and I'll find it in my hort to forgive them, but Im so betrayed. So betrayed

I mean like is it really that bad to want to make a vote go 3-3-3-2? Is that really that ugly?

HECK OFF DUNCAN LITERALLY. I JUST WANT HIM TO CHOKE. it looks like we might vote Kevin? maybe? or split the vote? idk? this is? awful? help? please?

Why are Duncan and Owen blowing spoke at me with the efficiency of a chimney? I know Owen wants me to spill info to him and Duncan wants me out so what's up sjsjdkdkd God its so refreshing knowing that everyone is trying to play me hard

Will won immunity, I knew I wasnt gonna have the time to win this one so that's okay it does make me a bit worried but I dont think that like...it was necessarily beneficial to win it again so soon.

The main thing I'm grapplin with is that information spreads like fire! Emily tells me Ali and Duncan have idols, and that Duncan has a power that can remove him from the game for a round too. Huge yikes. So instantly that's on my mind. I knew Cameron knows about Ali's. I feel like maybe I've typed this before... But either way today I got on call with Will and basically gave him all of this information. And I've been forming a plan to get Duncan to dump an idol, if I tell him that I've been hearing his name! But Will suggested we just leak that Duncan might go to Ashvika.... Which gets messy for me bc if Duncan hears from Ashvika and not me, he won't trust me anymore. but then like...if I tell him I'm hearing his name and then.....nobody votes for him? he'll know why. BUT THEN ALSO LOL Cameron MESSAGES WILL ABOUT DUNCAN'S IDOL AND SUGGESTS DOING SOMETHING TO GET RID OF IT WHILE I'M STILL ON CALL WITH WILL. God this stresses me OUT. If Duncan doesn't waste his idol though it isn't the end of the world, because I do have a possibility of working with him. I just don't want him to idol Kevin. Speaking of, as soon as this round started I knew I wanted Kevin out. That breaks a connection that Duncan and potentially Cameron have, and gives me another round to get closer with Ali, Ruthie, Emily maybe. The call of four seemed good with Kevin, so does Emily, and I told Ruthie about it. Duncan is once again targeting Ruthie instead of Kevin so that's another thing to deal with. GOD. So rn it'll prob be like 8-3 or 4-7 or something but idk..... I want to believe Dana/Will/Cameron won't turn on me, but I can't tell myself I won't turn on them eventually idk. I have been talking to Ali and I think maybe I can sit at the end with him and Ruthie that would be SO GOOD lol. Or with Duncan maybe at the end. But Will, Dana, and Cameron are big risks. I just don't want to fuck them over....ugh. They're prob gonna wanna take me out. This is me 24/7. But I still love all of them rn too. Wow this game is F U N. Idk what I'm gonna do in general or tonight or with Duncan but I'm sure it'll be fun at some point.

I'm so confused by Duncan. I called him at the swap and told him EVERYTHING. I poured my heart and soul out to him. I said I trusted him all the way and I meant it. Now when he doesn't get clued in on a vote (which is his fault for not messaging me back) he is throwing the baby out with the bath water and just wants me out? Like he said this big thing about how it "hurt him when his number one left him out" which I didn't do, but that's so hypocritical when he now wants me out. I'm trying to not be too like too bitter because I love Duncan but come on.

Why aren’t there manipulatable straight boys in this game. This is unfair. Who am I supposed to flirt with and get them to take me to the end???? What the fuck

can u hear my eyes rolling cause they are

aliI'm about to be idoled out may I rest in peace

[1/11/18, 9:35:17 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): if I tell u to change the vote last minute do you PROMISE not to tell ANYONE [1/11/18, 9:35:24 PM] Emily: yes [1/11/18, 9:35:33 PM] Emily: give me enough time to make my parchment [1/11/18, 9:35:43 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): How much time is that? 5? ten? [1/11/18, 9:35:46 PM] Emily: please don’t have me throw my vote tho [1/11/18, 9:35:49 PM] Emily: ten? [1/11/18, 9:35:53 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): Ok cool [1/11/18, 9:35:58 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): i won’t have you throw your vote I just [1/11/18, 9:36:05 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): I don’t want someone to find out [1/11/18, 9:36:06 PM] Emily: okay [1/11/18, 9:36:11 PM] Emily: I won’t my lips are sealed [1/11/18, 9:36:20 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): this is me sneakily trying to keep u in the loop [1/11/18, 9:38:25 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): Some ppl just don’t trust you and I want u to know I trust you but idk if its changing yet [1/11/18, 9:38:42 PM] Emily: will this show them im trustworthy? [1/11/18, 9:38:46 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): i think so [1/11/18, 9:38:50 PM] Emily: okay [1/11/18, 9:39:07 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): I love you just pls dont tell ANYONE [1/11/18, 9:39:15 PM] Emily: im not telling anyone [1/11/18, 9:47:21 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): You PROMISE you vote how I say [1/11/18, 9:47:27 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): and you don’t tell ANYONE [1/11/18, 9:47:31 PM] Emily: yes [1/11/18, 9:47:42 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): my allies don’t want me to tell u bc they think you’ll tell owen so its imperitive you don’t okay [1/11/18, 9:47:50 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): im putting my life on the line with you [1/11/18, 9:47:51 PM] Emily: okay [1/11/18, 9:47:56 PM] Emily: i won’t Cameron [1/11/18, 9:48:13 PM] Emily: am i voting owen? [1/11/18, 9:48:29 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): no [1/11/18, 9:48:30 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): You’re not [1/11/18, 9:48:45 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): You’re voting for duncan unless you want to keep it on Kevin in case duncan plays his idol [1/11/18, 9:48:47 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): its up to you [1/11/18, 9:49:23 PM] Emily: okay ill vote duncan [1/11/18, 9:49:42 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): okay just PLEASE don’t tell anyone I told you to vote duncan [1/11/18, 9:49:47 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): IM BEGGING [1/11/18, 9:49:51 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): IT WILL GET ME MRUDERED HBEFJNDMS [1/11/18, 9:50:25 PM] Emily: i voted [1/11/18, 9:50:38 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): pls dont fuck me over emiyl [1/11/18, 9:50:45 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): This is me proving that I trust you and I want to work with you [1/11/18, 9:50:56 PM] Emily: am i supposed to pretend i dont know after the vote is over? [1/11/18, 9:52:27 PM] Emily: thank you so much for clueing me in Cameron i really appreciate it [1/11/18, 9:52:49 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): I love you [1/11/18, 9:52:59 PM] Emily: i love you too [1/11/18, 9:53:40 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): And yes pls pretend This is my reasoning for voting for Duncan. I'm doing what it's taking to keep me in the game. I'm putting my trust in Cameron and I'm not sure if I'm making the smartest decision or not, but I'm doing it.

This was way too chaotic and shows that our four is way less stable than I thought we were. Like this could have been so easy but no everyone had to fREAK THE FUCK OUT like I'm so sorry and I'm so gonna regret saying this in a confessional but I legitimately don't care if Cameron Ali Dana whoever think they're the target of an idol. It does not matter who the target is. We needed to put a vote on Kevin if we were gonna bring Zach in but there was too much fucking chaos in our mess of a 4 person alliance to understand that. Nobody listens to me and it's clear now, especially Cameron. He thinks he's running this game but he's running himself into the ground. I'm sorry but it's just too much.

If Duncan stands with an idol i'm self-evicting into the sun. 

Duncan becomes the 10th person voted out of Athena All Stars, and the 2nd member of our jury. You can see Duncan’s preseason interview here.

[survivorathena-allstars]

Ep. 3: “Shrek Can Heck the Heck Off” ~ Duncan

So tribal occurred and I guess expectingly, everything went as planned. I was really nervous and I don't know why... probably since it's All Stars and everyone is here to not only impress, but to play. We're the recruits and it means that in the past we've shown definitive reasons as to why we had the chance to bypass the application process and immediately enter. It's wild. Overall, i'm fine with tribal. I would've enjoyed Julia a big longer and wouldn't have minded if she stayed, but when so many people are like "you've been so disconnected" etc, there's only so much I can personally do to reroute that. I really am hoping our tribe pulls through in this upcoming immunity. I just don't want to deal with the stress from last time, and i'm scared that I could be in danger. There is an alliance of 7 (now excluding only Duncan & Sam) but EVERYONE talks to Duncan - including myself, he's really nice - and Sam is just generically popular for whatever reason. They're both extremely active, maybe not as much in PMs as the tribe chat, but still are. This then creates the potential of a flip. I would be totally down to do so in the event that it's just... an easy thing to execute. When looking into long term, there's many people who despite how much I like them personally, are huge threats due to their connections on the other tribe. Of course I have Dana, who will work with me but obviously we'll cut one another if the time comes. But there's bigger cliques of people I guess. Emily is mutually friends with EVERYONE - and I adore her so much that it sucks. Ashvika is a legend, also really liked. Duncan has friends on the other side. It's just like... there's many groups of two-four people and it's an interesting dynamic to put as an obstacle. I guess we'll see how things go and how well people think around this and plan accordingly. Also the archipelago is RUDE! thank you. 

Ali Update! So, I survived tribal, but I've officially been hexed so I guess I may as well give up! But ultimately, while it was ugly to vote out Julia, I think going into a swap, we don't want to be the totally dominate tribe in numbers, so perhaps losing a member (or potentially two, even though I have no idea who that would be) could work to our benefit? Who can ever be sure! With that said, I am concerned going into another tribal, in that the options are either our alliance of 7, Duncan or Sam. And like.... all those options are ugly. I don't want any of those happening.... So, (and it looks like we will need to win two challenges to do this) we need to win the next two challenges basically! Which has like a 25% chance of happening, but I do think a music video challenge does actually favour our tribe, so hopefully we can win the next one too! With regards to the swap, it does look like we are gonna have an #ugly four tribes of four swap, but my theory is for each tribal at that stage, two of the four tribes will go to tribal? So it'll be tribals of like 7 or 8 people! we will see I guess, but right now, I am focusing on not having the awful task of voting out another member of this phenomenal tribe! Toodles ALSO I HAVE A VIDEO CONFESSIONAL THAT IS TAKING YEAAAAAAARS TO UPLOAD, ughhhh.

Well my plan went off without a hitch this round. I was able to get an alliance formed with Ali, Ashvika, Emily, JD, Ruthie, and Zachary to have the majority going into the last vote. We also made sure to keep Samuel and Duncan looped in so that it was a nice, easy, vote out for Julia. I love controlling votes, yes I do. So far I haven't found anything in the Archipelago. I can't spell that and I'm not going to look it up so I'm going to call it the Islands of Death.  Every time someone has searched we've gotten a notice saying that they were tired but mine never have. Where are they going? What are they doing? Suspicious. I do know that whatever advantage was with the artifacts is gone now. Someone completed the task faster than I did. I have a feeling it might have been something dumb like a double vote so I'm not that worried. Based on the rules, I think there's only going to be one hidden immunity idol and you're going to have to work your ass off to earn it. Athena, Charlotte, and idols don't go hand in hand. I'm only good at finding them in other games. Looks like we're just going to have to keep winning so I'm never at risk!

I’ve said this already but can lily be on my tribe thanks I want a tribe swap

I love my majority alliance yes I do! Honestly this game feels like one where I'm gonna make some solid friends, and even though I'm inevitably gonna have to make some rough decisions if I wanna make it to the end again, I'm gonna be close with these people for a while. And that feels really good!

the hosts hate me. they truly do. a music video challenge. my tribe is doing Shrek. and I am doing suffering.

I have been so frickin unlucky in the archipelago. It really sucks. And I feel like I've searched the whole thing already like wtf! Ugh. Anyway, I'm super excited about our challenge. I love music videos and as long as everyone can go all out, I'll be happy! So far I have Charlotte's videos but that's it. I don't mind though because um I haven't recorded my stuff either lmao! But we're winning and that's that on that.

Everyone: loves All Stars and is having a great time Me: 

Lily is (still) talking shit about me and whining in people's pms all because "i haven't talked to her." Fun fact: I DID!!!! That's right- I, the person who was targeted immediately and grew a social game to survive, struck up a conversation with a person who voted me out. And you know what the wildest part is? It went well!! I thought ok maybe we made progress and we'll be chill and cordial from here on out. But apparently that wasn't enough for her. We're strangers!!! What do you want good morning and goodnight texts?? Get over yourself- like what are you 16?? Oh wait she is, which would explain why she has all these great expectations and why me not moving heaven and earth to be her best friend bothers her. I got news for you sis: I'm doing my best goddammit while you rely on a bunch of relationships from prior seasons. Yeah I said it and I can back it up: I knew 1 person on our tribe when all stars began and yet turned the 9-1 vote against me in the FIRST FUCKING ROUND to 6-4 me staying; I built a solid alliance of 5 (we poached Cameron lol); I give every challenge my all; and I maintain decent relationships with 85% of the tribe. But because Lily happened to fall in that 15% and hasn't gotten a fruit basket, I have to put up with her shit until one of us leaves

Also I walk on eggshells in this tribe and I can barely breathe without someone having a fucking opinion. Talk to this person, make more of an effort with that person even though they're being immature, don't work with this person, trust that person, change your part in the music video even though there's nothing fucking wrong with playing Gingy from Shrek, don't mind us as we change OUR ROLES every hour because it's fine who cares if the clock is ticking. I love my tribe and they mean well but I'm 23 years old my gameplay isn't a democracy. Speaking of democracy, Elaenia is back to flopping because we can't make any executive decisions about our music video!! So here I am, mentally preparing myself to talk to everyone in the tribe tomorrow so Lily's campaign against me, which she'll whip out once we lose, will fall on deaf ears. You see what I'm talking about?? This is ONE of 2 orgs I'm in that I've been in for 6 DAYS while my job is trying to kill me. HOW HAS IT NOT EVEN BEEN A WEEK

Am I seriously about to get my second idol? I'm SCREAMING. For THIS idol, what I need to do is not talk in any public chats for 24 hours. So, I sent this lie to the whole tribe that I was silenced by someone on the other tribe and honestly I'm screaming. I've evolved and become a complete liar, this is disgustening. But now I am gonna feel less bad about telling Emily about my idol (even though I don't actually regret it that much!) I feel like telling someone about me having an idol is smart, that way if I am getting votes, they can clue me in! With this now too, I can have my own second layer of protection that they dont know about mwahahahaa. I honestly cant believe how much of a liar I have become!

I made a video confession but I was angrier than I should’ve been and so I’m typing this out because it’ll probably make more sense. So earlier today, Ali messaged me and tells me that he accidentally went to the bridge instead of clifface and I didn’t think much of it. So when I go archipelago searching, I row > path 1 > climb > complete the challenge > clifface > climb > do the simple task. NOW. The simple task is to not talk in the tribe chat for twenty four hours. HUH. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but then I remembered Ali got a very similar disadvantage only he said that someone ELSE gave him this disadvantage. So at first I’m like. Oh. This is a little weird. But I go ahead and message everyone and tell them about my disadvantage and how I won’t be talking in the tribe chat anymore. Then something occurs to me: Ali could be??? Lying to me??? So I sent him the quotes from my host chat and he immediately confessed to lying. And I tell him it’s totally fine. I’m not upset. I understand what he did and like? I can’t be mad because I was going to do the exact same thing. Now Ali is saying he’s going to give the idol. So this is amazing. I’m getting an idol no matter what so yeet. We’re talking about what to do with Duncan now. I think he’s gonna come clean. And like nskwbwjwjwjw this is such a mess! But I gotta help Ali and get him out of this predicament because this is what FRIENDS are FOR!!! Whew. Anyways I’m gonna drive home now goodbye.

i dont deserving anything, especially jaybee in other news, my game is a mess and im the mestress. emily also got silenced... I'd be shocked if my whole tribe even remotely trusts me, and I feel like a complete flop. emily is being so nice about it, but if I was her, i'd never trust me ever again ________________________________________________________________ Over the past 24 hours, I have completely ruined my game. Duncan quite rightly doesn't trust me anymore, and I'm so mad at myself for not trusting him sooner. This is the third game in a row where I've been mad at losing someone's trust and I'm so disappointed in myself. I don't want to be, but I deserve to be voted out next. 100%

I don't think I've made a  confessional in awhile and I want to do this before I get called out so. I'm hoping we'll win the music video thing just because I...don't want to go back to tribal. Not with this group of people at least. I myself feel safe and secure, but then again I felt safe and secure at the first tribal and then the tribe as a group assassinated me, like a meaner Murder on the Orient Express situation. I don't think I'll go home but??? I never know with these demons.   So anyway I found this...thing in the Archipelago. To get it I have to make sure we lose the next challenge. Not really sure how I'll do that but I guess we'll have to find out. It's kinda a win-lose situation because...like I said...I don't want to go to tribal. But maybe this can help me...maybe. I'm like completely in the dark so I don't really know anything but anything will help! 

hhhhh WOW I'm so worried! I took a look at our final video for the lip sync and while it generally looks good, theres also the issue that... i filmed in portrait mode. shit. i REALLY hope that doesnt cost us the win, because i know people despise that (and for good reason) and I dont wanna deal with tribal because I dont know shit about filming, since I'll probably be made a target for that (if not me, maybe jack bc he didn't do anything but also idk if i'd wanna do that because he did say he was uncomfortable with it)

FUCK WE LOST! AND FUCK SHREK TOO!

Literally just cried because of how wholesome the video Amanda Lynn made is, like that just made my night and I know this isn't related to the game but I really just love this cast and this game so much and I'm so happy to be a part of it :')

Me? Forgetting that confessions are a thing very briefly? Yes. I was like... how can I get out all my anger about the music video results? Um? I can CONFESS since I can't FUCKING TALK IN THE TRIBE CHAT! God damn I'm so upset about these results I'm not even kidding I could... rip my fucking hair out. I worked so hard on that video and I'm not saying Cameron didn't work hard on his but I am saying that our video was 10x better. Yes theirs had a theme but like,,,,,,, we were so enthusiastic and cute and positive and wholesome the whole vibe to our video was fun and LILY RECORDED IN PORTRAIT I LOVE HER SHE'S MY WIFE BUT COME ON LILY DON'T DO THAT and like the quality was bad too!! And I just... what the fuck we were really honestly truly robbed. Like I loved Owen as the Fairy Godmother that was hilarious and Will as Prince Charming really was so funny but also FUCK THEM IM SO FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO AMOUNT OF EXCLAMATION POINTS CAN EXPRESS MY ANGER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW I HAVE TO GO TO TRIBAL AND IT'S LOOKING LIKE SAM IS GONNA GO AND LIKE I UNDERSTAND BACK HE DIDN'T LIKE CONTRIBUTE A WHOLE LOT TO THE CHALLENGE AND ALSO HIS SOCIAL GAME IS KINDA SHITTY BUT DUNCAN IS REALLY PUSHING TO NOT GO FOR SAM AND GO FOR LIKE JD OR CHARLOTTE AND IM LIEK FDLKFKLSDDAS STOP IT??????????? I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH THIS VOTE BECAUSE I LOVE AND CARE ABOUT EVERYONE AND EVERYONE ON THIS TRIBE HAS PULLED THEIR WEIGHT IN SOME WAY AND PROVEN THAT THEY DESERVE TO BE HERE BUT FJKLSDJFKLSDJLFSDLKFSLKDFS I AM GONNA SHIT MYSELF okay sorry to be all in caps for a little bit but Vireao was just fucking robbed know THAT also we have 100% participation SUCK IT!!! Also I called it that Jack wasn't gonna contribute I knew that boy hated music videos and I was RELYING on him not contributing and like losing his tribe points. But we still lost. And the judges made mean comments except "Except for the axe welding earth destroyer. Real star of the video there. Did you make an earth just to destroy it?? I'm nervous!" that made me feel good. I'm an axe welding earth destroyer lol... but I'm also a fucking loser. Okay long ass confession done goodbye cruel world

Ok so I shouldn’t be up but like y’all know I get off work late and play catch up for like 2 hours + don’t sleep normal people hours so I’m really happy we won, mainly because that means I’m 100% safe. That’s how you’re supposed to feel but when you’re paranoid, facts help you sleep better at night. I went from comfortably being Gingy to taking one for the team and stepping up to be Shrek hours before the deadline; so even if we had lost my logic was that I contributed enough deep in the clutch to be seen more as a saving grace rather than a threat or dead weight. Highkey I feel like I’m playing harder than I really want to but these hoes backed me into a corner and every time I try to go under the radar people start running their mouth. Elaenia was branded the underdogs but I feel like the underdog of the underdogs. Yes I’m on varsity and yes I can sit with everyone at lunch but is it enough? Almost being first boot really did a number on me and I literally play day to day. I am not 18th place and I’m even happier that one of the Goliaths will fall- it truly puts a smile on my face My gut is telling me Karen wasn’t the source of getting me out; I think I just want to believe that so I can be at ease but it couldn’t be that simple. The next logical choice is Lily or Kevin buuuuut what if it’s not? What if one of these people who voted with me actually started the entire chain of events? Is Jack lying and does actually know who the source is? Is Lily not the messiest person on Elaenia? Am I justified in watching my back and being wary of everyone, allies included? Reasons why I can’t with this game. It’s a mind fuck and my brain is a whore lmao

I just took a nap now i'm regenerated. 2 hours? WOO! I think it's my time. Maybe i'm just hallucinating and paranoid - but I tend to have decent awareness of what's going on and how people interact with me, but at the same time I have a huge habit of over reading situations. Point is, everyone's being very short with me. Duncan, a person who is usually exciting and lovely, is responding with one word excerpts. Perhaps he's tired but... yeah. Emily is also similar. She hasn't changed her speech patterns in my opinion, but in the manner of what's been happening, it's just more noticeable. If I could just you know... have a say - why not Sam? I understand the 7 person alliance is not going to remain unitedly intact, but that's one easy vote. Not only did he send a 4 second clip (then a 9 second lipsync) to Emily in the last two hours, but he's been the most inactive. I do think he's a great guy, I really do - but it's stressing me out. I think Emily maybe wanted to flip though. I always mention Emily in every confessional I make but that's for a few reasons. First, she's really sweet and enjoyable and I like her. Second, she's really well connected and like a spider web of relations, so being good with her could maybe put me 1-up. Third, i'm literally being her so-called lapdog (by myself, that is). But it's all with good intent of course. Point is before I rambled was that she suspects that our group isn't tight and that we soon will require to flip since a 7 person group is a gigantic majority, and despite the fact that an upcoming swap is glooming in the distance, it is a threatening perspective. If she wanted to flip on someone, unless it was one of a few people (Ashvika... and Charlotte, I guess) I would easily be on board. I like the others, Ali and Ruthie and everyone, but i'll play cutthroat. I'm here to get myself one day further!!!! Not really. Kind of. Who knows. Nonetheless it's a great thought process, and i've been interested in it myself prior to her acknowledgement. I don't want to be blatant cause for some dumb reason I think i'm walking on thin ice, but it's there... it's a potential possibility. Duncan's very well connected so I sincerely doubt anyone would vote him out next, after Sam. Hmm... Also, I really love boulders so i've been trucking on through and now I just need 5 more days (after the 23rd) to search and i'll either find something or realized i've been wasting my time, with higher probability on the latter option. 

So I was really hoping that it wasn't going to come to this because I don't wanna vote out Sam and Duncan ciao know that they are numbers for me over Charlotte... Which for me is what this game is coming down to, me Vs Charlotte, I dont even care who wins the series so long as I can take her out lol. But I wonder if that was why she left them out of the alliance chat she throw me and Ali in. Cus she knew that with such a small number on the outside that it would be easy to get rid of the people I would most likely work with.... She claimed not to be strategic but I know better. 

I'm so frustrated. I understand tribal is not a fun subject kiddos but it's something that needs to be done and no one is talking to me. Perhaps they all unitedly agree to vote me out, but I really hope not and I don't think that'd be good for various reasons!! Who knows though.  Well, people know, just not me. I'm going to try to encourage a Sam vote or a potential flip but... that'll be whatever the others want.

Fuck I’m pissed that we lost! Grrrr. I literally never want to watch shrek ever again. Shrek can heck the heck off 

Upset we lost immunity, hope it’s an easy tribal 

AH FUCK NVM WE DID IT AAAAAAAAA IM SO PROUD I was especially flattered that Milissa enjoyed the growing nose thing for Pinocchio, I was really proud of that idea ;w; now if only I had filmed horizontally

I’m out of town. Didn’t help with the challenge. We still won. Interested to see who goes on the other tribe. My social game is weak. The end.

WE ARE SHREK ICONS

This vote is going to be beyond crazy. I’ll update you once I actually figure out what is going on

So I just filmed a video confessional, but I think I need to write out my thoughts since I'm so conflicted. God, just write murdered by Shrek on my tombstone. Anyway, first things first... How blessed are we all to know Emily? Oscar-worthy director, sane person, just inspiration. She helped handle the mess that was my silence idol challenge confusion. She is honestly the best ally I could ask for, and I am so blessed to know her, as a friend and ally. Soppy time over. Time for GAME AKJLFDAkljafd. So, I have decided I need to reassess my core allies. In this game, I need to realise that everyone is of course gonna have an agenda, so its important to coalesce with all the people with motivations similar to mine. Because we share our info, Emily definitely falls into that category, which is why she is my main ally right now. Beyond that, I feel really good about Zach atm. He is so nice and great to talk to, and I think in an alliance sense we really click? So that's why I am really here for the "EAZy Votes" alliance (Me,Zach & Emily) because I really feel those are two solid allies I'd love to work with going forwards. From that point, I also get great vibes from Charlotte & Ashvika as people I'd like to work with going forward in the game. Charlotte is a smart cookie, she knows her stuff, is super sociable and a great person to work with. So like... I'm down to clown with Charlotte. Ashvika is the only person left on the tribe who I didn't have some sort of relationship with preseason, but she is honestly just so nice. She is someone I'd truly love to work with going forwards. Ruthie, my cracked disney queen, is someone who I think would be a great and loyal ally, and like... who doesn't want some Ruthie in their life? That leaves my Emathia chums Duncan,JD & Sam. Sam is a great guy, and someone I always have a place in my soft hort for, but I just think he has for some reason struggle to ingratiate himself within the tribe, which has just made him such a target and means keeping him is like... a big move. Duncan and JD are so conflicting for me. JD has become much more cracked since Emathia, and I am down to crack some eggs, but not the whole batch... So she is scary to work with long term. Duncan I find really hard. As a friend, I love him SOOOOO much, and I always will do. I just get super freaked out, because his agenda is very different to mine (as is JDs). They don't know Zach or Ruthie while I do, which makes it hard to find plans that we agree on? Like with Julia, it was easy, but now it gets harder..... ACK, I dont know. Basically, this whole game is too much for my poor soft hort. 

This is going to be the most dark sided season of survivor. This round sam is going home (according to what I know) and I actually don’t want him out. Apparently San has just not been putting in the work in order to make friends with everybody. And I’m like sam! This is all stars! You should be performing your ass off in all aspects. Now granted I have Emily to look out for my ass but I’m also looking out for myself. It’s just Ugly because the one time I want to work closely with Sam and make amends I won’t have the chance to. JD made an emathia alliance chat so I think she wants to save sam but she isn’t pushing for it and people were being indecisive. So after thinking about it for about 12 hours I decided fuck it. It’s premerge, I cannot make any big moves rn, I’m not going to play my idol on sam. And sam is not my closest ally right now so I can’t stick out my neck to save him. JD told me she didn’t care to work with zac Ashvika and ruthie and t shook me. I’m the only one left not in that seven but that’s the only crack I need to survive another round if we were to lose again. Sidenote? I’m not happy with Ali like at all. He and Emily both found the path to the idol but couldn’t speak in the tribe chat or any alliance chats for 24 hours. Emily told us the truth but Ali told us before Emily found the path, that he was being punished. Like this makes me feel better about being closer to Emily in the game. I’m really hoping to survive the night obviously, and it’s going to suck to see sam go but this is all stars so I guess All is Fair in Love and War. And I want to win this war.

AHHH MAYBE I HAVE FOUND SOMETHING!!! I'm mid little mini challenge and I love mastermind, SURELY I can crack this quickly!  I really need to win something, our tribe is dwindling down and i don't feel safe at all!

wiiiiiiii I am going to submit a Better Confessional when I get home from Christmas just making sure I get something in this time :) I’m happy we won the music video!!!!! And I’m so excited to see who goes home from the other tribe oops!

hello sweet confessional. I don't have much 4 u, but let me say that Owen as the fairy godmother and Autumn cutting her onion made our video iconique as fuck. Made me love my alliance that much more. I keep forgetting to pretend to socialize with the other people on my tribe so they don't want to vote me out, like i'm doing a TERRIBLE job. With the exception of Autumn, the rest of my alliance is also close with people on the outside of our group, which lowkey sucks but..wig! Catch me getting idoled out honestly. Also i'm probably getting voted out because i'm friends with Zach and like umm no. Idk yall i'm paranoid and I took an exam today so like thinking? it's a no from me.

i love emily so much she could wear stilettos or cleats and do the cha cha slide (two stomps this time!!) on my face and i would thank her

hey so i'm about to save the world by doing a challenge!!!!! aaahhhh!! i don't know what'll happen if i win, but I need to repeat verbatim a phrase from everyone in the tribe chat. kind of thinking that i'll just do it all at once. we'll see you on the other side! oh yeah and it has to be done within the next hour.

HOWDY YALL SOOOOOO I was kind of worried that the other tribe would go fuckin ALL OUT in the music video but our shrek strategy really paid off??? Now that Julia is gone it's going to be super interesting seeing how the dynamics of that tribe split up. I don't think it's going to be another unanimous vote. If Ali and JD stick together, probably with Sam.... And Ruthie/Ali were close af in festive. Emily seems good with everyone. Idk???? I can't see Charlotte Duncan or Zach going either? Ashvika could be in danger tbh but that's so fuckin ugly. I don't want any of them gone but if I had my pick I think JD going would be good for me. She's an obstacle in my relationship with Ali. But who knows! My tribe is really lucky we pulled out a win. I think tension is still rising surrounding Lily being a threat but there's been talk of Jack or Lily having something from the archipelago. SPEAKING OF WHICH I FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING OMFG DSKADJFHKJ so at the beginning I was exclusively looking under these boulders and I started going in phone number order..248-7....then I stopped. I caved and grabbed a torch bc there were only two left. But then I realized a bunch of people prob grabbed the torch and got everything from there so I stressed out and returned my torch in order to go BACK to the boulders...and did the next digit of my phone umber....AND HAD TO DO A CHALLNGE! I basically got an extra vote that can only be used at f14 or f7 which is kinda useless to me for a while but it's better than nothing. And it is also a legacy thing I believe so I'll pass it down. nice. I feel like I've been getting even closer to Will this round. I like him a lot and I think he hopefully trusts me as well. I thought I'd be closer with Dana and Cameron but Will is someone that I really wanna go far with and he's the first person I told about my vote thing. I told Cameron too, he's my first ally and rn prob my best ally. Autumn and Dana I've continued to talk to too. I haven't messaged Jack that much oops but he a freak !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fjskahdfj not rlly but I dont want to work with him. I would if I had to but for now I want him gone! Sorry! Although I like how presst he seems to be that Emily cut him. I'm trying to make a snapchat group with my alliances bc teams that snap together stay together. But I'm scared of a swap coming soon :( i love our tribe and the other people I do rlly wanna play with but I want them to kill each other a bit more first. also I've been tyring to figure out why the other two premerge buffs are completely different fonts and designs but i cant do anythin about it rn so might as well not worry about it! if the game changes up I'll change with it

like okay i'm gonna succeed in the challenge but uh it's blatantly obvious that i'm going for something. but this is ALL STARS Y'ALL GOTTA RISK IT TO GET THE BISCUIT RIGHT??? (pls let me win this game)

Ack, I'm really scared Duncan is gonna idol Sam! Also, I feel bad for Sam, he is doing my parroting challenge :( [04:31] Duncan: in every season [02:33] Samuel Rutan: in every season

This vote has been an absolute roller coaster because Duncan has been pushing hard to save Sam and like... people aren't budging. Except JD is actually so cracked? She made an Emathia alliance now she's voting out Sam? And Charlotte messaged me saying she thinks that JD would flip on us??? And honestly this whole vote has been so nerve wracking and like I pretty much feel safe because I worked so hard on that music video but also? I contributed a whole lot to the scavenger hunt in Crossroads and they VOTED ME THE FUCK OUT so I mean WHO FUCKING KNOWS they could be plotting to get me out I don't KNOW!!! But I've been talking to Zach a whole lot more and he's such a nice person and I love him and I want to work with him going forward. FUck tribal is starting I'm so fucking scared

YOU GUYS I AM SO ASHAMED THAT I THOUGHT SAM'S NAME WAS FREAKING SAMUEL like what the heck, what's wrong with me? WHY AM I SUCH A DING A LING???? UGHSDFLJDSFLSJFLSDFJ

I don't really have much to confess right now but I love building my edgic!! It's interesting that our tribe is very divided right now in terms of majority/minority alliance and that the other tribe has had two unanimous votes...very interesting...But as the days go on I feel more and more connected to my alliance of five and can see that the other 4 have made basically no effort to talk to me since the Karen vote (like we've talked about things aside from the game) but like...Kevin doesn't talk to me at all, Madison's lowkey sketchy even though she's a queen, and Jack and Lily haven't talked to me since I apologized for keeping them out of the Karen vote. Also a note - anyone can say "I would've voted with you" and that's an easy lie to tell. So it doesn't really sway me when they tell me that about voting Karen out.

Sam becomes the 3rd person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 8-1 vote. You can see Sam’s preseason interview here.