#i will technically be working for the rest of the afternoon but feel free to lose your mind with me

[w1ld-wr1t3r]

martin said it first completely unprompted when lando said he called to say hello.

Ah ok, thank you for pointing this out! I admittedly didn't have time to plug in my earbuds before running to class - I just saw the captions on the video and instantly lost my mind when the first "I love you" popped up. Probably should've actually listened to the audio lol.

I may be reaching a bit far with this interpretation, but maybe the reason Lando didn't say it first was because he knew there were cameras on him. But Martin didn't know that, so he just blurted it out (maybe because it's a habit for him). And then Lando said it back (maybe also out of habit) because it's true. And now we have video proof of them saying "I love you" to each other.

[bunnys-kisses]

Ciao bello, how do you do? I wondered what pastry should I order as it all look so tempting. So, I'd like to indulge myself with some mille-feuille, and hard lemonade to the side, please.

the bakery menu

there's still tons more items on the menu! feel free to submit your own order, i'd love to write more! as for this lovely request, your server this afternoon with be lando norris! thank you again for the combination and i hope it serves your fancy!

mille-feuille (“that’s it, fuck, that’s a good girl.”) + hard lemonade (possessive behaviour) served to you by lando norris (formula one)!

cw: smut/pwp, dirty talk, possessive behaviour/jealousy, missionary position, naive!reader,

lando never considered himself a jealous man. he believed that you were free to go about life as you deemed fit. he trusted you, he loved you. you were his number one fan and the love of his life.

so why did jealousy rear its ugly head when he saw you go up to max verstappen and pull him into a tight hug. in all fairness, your relationship was still new, you two were still getting to know the nitty gritty of one another. but still, how did you know max verstappen. and not on a casual level, but you beamed at him like you hadn't seen him in years.

lando strode over to see what his lovely girlfriend was doing. he was a bit perturbed how he saw how max had an arm wrapped around your shoulders and he was laughing. it was so painfully casual for the three time champion. it only made the jealousy grow deeper in lando's gut as he smiled at you.

he didn't want to scare off his perfect angel of a girlfriend.

even if she was in the arms of the devil. he took you in his grasp and hugged you tightly. even going as far as to kissed you on the forehead. he looked to max for a moment and raised his eyebrows, "honey." he said, "you should be in mclaren area, not red bull." he laughed, trying to play it all off. he patted your face with affection, but also a bit of ownership, "did you get lost?"

you shook your head, "no, landy." you held onto the front of his racing jacket and looked to him, "i wanted to see max before practice started."

lando nodded, "i see, i see." his gaze flicked to the other man, "how do you know my girlfriend, max?" he was trying his best to keep it cool. he didn't want another incident that was plastered all of the headlines for a week.

max looked to you then back to the other driver, "oh... she didn't tell you."

lando made a face, "tell me what?"

you piped up, "oh yeah! i just thought you knew, landy." you were still holding onto him, "max and i are technically childhood friends! i mean ya know, like a million years ago! remember, my dad was an engineer. he worked with max's dad!"

max said to you, "i see not a lot has changed. always forgetting the important details."

you frowned at max and let go of your boyfriend to punch the dutch driver in the arm, "hey! i'll have you know, i got my university all on my own!"

"and how many deadlines did you miss during your program?"

you wagged our finger at max, "ya know, verstappen. you're very lucky."

max seemed amused and looked to lando, "seems you pick them well, norris. i'll see you two later. good luck out there." then turned away, leaving you with your boyfriend.

lando narrowed his eyes at max, who was walking away, and then turned his attention back to you. he took his cap off and placed it on top of your head. he then placed a hand on the top of your head and said, "don't take this off."

you nodded, you looked so painfully sweet. lando knew that you wouldn't try to cheat on him. but your closeness to max had jealousy curl in his gut.

lando was happy that you kept to your word and wore his mclaren hat till you were on your way back to the hotel. he didn't see you with max for the rest of practice, but it still didn't deterred lando from being in your personal space as he kept a hand possessively on your thigh.

once you were back in the hotel room, lando's hands were all over you. his lips were to your neck and you moaned as you held onto him. you felt a heat throb between your legs as you were herded to the bedroom.

you ended up on the bed with a bounce and knew that lando wasn't going to take it slow tonight. you took off the hat but lando quickly grabbed it and put it back on your head, "wear it. you look good in it."

he then got his shirt off followed by the rest of his clothes, you did the same save for the hat which sat proudly on top of your head. you didn't think you looked good in baseball caps, but lando loved you in nothing but it.

he got between your legs, and leaned over you to grab a condom from the box on the night stand. he put it on with ease, his heart raced in his chest as he gazed at you with such love. but also much possession.

"is there any other drivers i should know about?" lando asked, "i don't want any more surprises."

"what do you mean, landy?"

"i know you two were friends, but you were all over him, love."

you looked at him curiously, "but that's how i greet all my friends."

he stroked his cock, you were so innocent sometimes. he couldn't be upset for too long (even though he barely was to begin with). he looked you in the eyes, and said, "that's how you greet all your girl friends." then placed on hand on your middle and the other on his cock as he slowly sank into your sweet hole.

"mmm, honey." you whimpered.

the warmth of your cunt against him made him shudder. he kept one hand on your stomach and the other on your hip as he started to thrust against you. he swore he could feel his cock inside of you as he bumped up into the deepest parts of you.

"fuck, babe." he groaned. he was hunched over you as he started to work your pussy. his thrusts were short and quick, the hot intensity of his movements made you feel good. he said to you, "i just want you all to myself. the one thing that the likes of max verstappen can't have."

he felt a pull in his chest for you. he just wanted you to be his forever. was that a crime? his thrusts became heavier, he could see the expressions that crossed your face. you looked perfect.

"but i'll always be yours, landy." you confessed to him with sucha sweet smile. it made his cock throb in you as he continued to rut against you.

"that’s it, fuck, that’s a good girl." he groaned, "that's my girl, you're perfect. i'm sorry i'm a jealous bastard, i just don't want to lose the best thing i've ever had." he messily made out with you, keeping you pinned to the bed as he rutted against you.

his heartbeat raced in his ears as he continued to thrust in and out of you. you were so perfect for him. you were his perfect half, he loved you to the point that it made him a possessive fool.

"i'll always love you, lando. i mean it." you said with such a sweetness to your voice.

"that's what i like to hear." he said as he continued to thrust. the bed shifted under your movements and you were left feeling hot all over. the space between you was limited and you could feel him reach some of the deepest parts of you core.

you made out with him once more and met with his thrusts. you could feel your mouth growing dry and you body growing hotter. it felt good being so close to him. he was the perfect partner in every way you could think of.

the two of you made love, lando's possessive streak he had all day was slowly diminishing and the love he had for his girlfriend only bloomed. his kisses were sweet even though he pace was rather quick.

"shit, ah. lando." you whined as you felt orgasm creep up on you. the pleasure made its way through your body and left your breathless. you sloppily made out with him once more before with tensed up and came around his cock.

he broke the kiss and panted heavily as he continued to pace. both hands were now on either side of you to get better leverage to thrust up into you.

"you're so perfect, my angel. i want this cock in every way i can get it. i want you more than anything, baby." he panted as he put his all into your thrusts. the pleasure pulsed through his body as he moved against you. you felt like a dream. "so perfect." he panted heavily with a few more heavy thrusts. then he was finally able to finish inside of you. it shook him to his core and made his mind go blank for a few moments.

"lando." your voice felt far as you laid there, overstimulated and sweaty.

he gave a few more thrusts before he finished inside of you with a large groan. his pace staggered then stopped before he pulled out and laid next to you. he pulled you into his arms and gave your cheek wet kisses as you squirmed against him.

"oh, i love you so much." he said with tenderness in his voice, "you're so perfect and i want you to myself forever."

you tried to meet his lips, but kept missing due to how fast he was moving to kiss your heated skin. you eventually took him by the face and laughed, "don't worry. you already got me, honey." <3

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 8b: Last Night

From: You Catch More Bees With Honey Series

Pairing: Mob! Bucky x Farmer! Reader

Summary: It’s Bucky’s last night on your farm

Word count: 2,645

Content/warnings: MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY, SMUT, p in v protected sex, crying during sex (well technically after), dry humping, vaginal fingering, sweet soft intimacy, kissing

Author’s Note: This could probably be read as a stand-alone, but I’ll catch you up in case you feel confused. Bucky made a business deal to work on your farm for a month. This is the last afternoon/night of that after spending all that time side-by-side. If you’re interested in the series, you can catch up with the link below or check out the rest of the Outta Nowhere AU

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

< Prev | Series Masterlist | Next >

On the final Saturday that Bucky was at the farm, the two of you practically stayed pressed together. It’s not as if you were unproductive, but you were glued at the hip, never leaving the office for too long without the other under the guise of tying up loose business ends before his departure. You knew once he was gone, he’d have to take all his burdens back off Steve, leaving him swamped with work, unable to pay you any more attention than he did his other associates.

With your efficiency and his inability to say no to you, all ‘work’ had been completed before noon. Sure, you could’ve dragged it out, but then you wouldn’t have had time to just enjoy each other’s presence like you had gotten used to. Before that could happen, though, you presented him with one last task.

Bucky sat on your oversized desk chair with you in between his legs. His chin was tucked over your shoulder as he rubbed up and down your thigh with his ringed hand. The cool metal gave you goosebumps on your bare skin, the nice weather allowing you to wear shorts and the lack of physical labor giving Bucky the opportunity to don his jewelry once again. You ignored the way your body shuddered at his touch, instead looking back at him over your shoulder with a smirk.

“Okay, cowboy. I think we’ve got your first few months of shipments all planned, so now onto my last order of business.”

He cocked his head to look at you with an amused, but tentative smile. “And what might that be?”

“Pull out a pen.” You stood up and shuffled the papers on your desk, looking for a blank one and setting it in front of him. You took a seat on the other side, not missing his slight pout and confusion as to why you moved so far and what was going on.

“Now that we’ve reached the end of the month, I want to assess what you’ve learned. I’m gonna shoot questions at you, and you write your answer so we can determine whether or not you actually took in information or just followed me around and mooched off my free meals.”

Bucky laughed when you shot him a wink and happily obliged you, a sparkle in his eyes, admiring the way you were demanding something of him with a sweet smile on your face, just like the first time you met. He gave a slight nod, pen at the ready. “Alright, sweet Honeybee. Hit me with it.”

You crossed your arms and legs, watching him as you rattled everything off you could think of, from super obvious things, like which animal lays eggs, to asking nearly impossible things, like the brand of feed given to the dairy cows. Bucky’s reactions to each question were a treat, some causing him to light up with knowledge, others making him roll his eyes at your specificity.

“Last question. This one’s worth a thousand points. Write something you think will impress me. Something out of the blue, whatever’s on your mind. Anything at all.”

Bucky sat there for a moment, tapping the cap of the pen against his bottom lip in thought. You watched his playful features morph into something serious, something soft, as he scribbled one line at the bottom of the paper.

‘I wish I could stay here longer.’

You leaned forward so could read his paper upside down, scanning the answers, each one surprisingly correct. Not a single one was off and he even put more information than you’d asked for on some of them. You were not only amazed with the way he indulged your ridiculous request, but with how this whole time, he had actually been listening and watching, holding onto every word and fulfilling his side of the deal.

As you looked up from the paper and into his eyes, you could feel the warmth through his gaze even that far apart. You stood up again and Bucky did the same, coming around to meet you. It was as if your bodies were magnetic, drawing you towards each other until his one hand was on your cheek, the other wrapped around your waist as yours perched on his hips.

His eyes shifted between yours and he closed his eyes, drawing his forehead against yours before he spoke against your lips. “I’m serious. I love every moment with you. And I’m sorry it’ll have to end.”

You swallowed and let your eyes flutter closed as you leaned into his touch and nodded. “I know. But I get that you have work to do and it was already a lot for me to request you being here for so long. But just…for right now, be with me. Enjoy what little time is left of this with me. Please.” It came out as a whisper, a plea for him to remain present while he still could. You opened your eyes and looked up through your lashes to see him searching for your gaze.

He whispered back, “You don’t have to ask me twice. Say the word and it’s yours. I’m yours. And I’ll be right there if you ever need anything. Whatever you want, Honey. And right now, I’m here with you. I only want to be… with you.”

Your eyes closed again and you nestled into his chest in satisfaction at the depth of his words. You knew he was saying he would be present, but it meant so much more. For him to make a promise like that, extending beyond just business, made you feel supported, protected, embraced.

He pulled you closer if that was even possible and pressed his lips to your hairline, then using his hand against your cheek, he pulled your head so you were both leaning back enough that your gazes met before he smashed his lips against yours. It was with purpose and a new sort of urgency that you hadn’t really experienced in the slower kisses and pecks you had shared. You began to walk backwards and Bucky followed, lips attached to yours in a near-lock as your tongues danced, not unlike your feet, performing similarly to the two-step you had taught him weeks before. Your hands slid up a down his chest and began to pop open the buttons of his flannel shirt as his ran under yours, feeling the softness of your belly and tracing upwards, raising the hem of your shirt as his callused fingertips sent a thrill through you.

The two of you removed your clothing piece by piece, discarding them carelessly as you crossed through the living room and waltzed carefully up the steps, grateful Peter was out of the house for the day and helping Curtis with the weekend chores.

Clad only in underwear, you grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled him towards your room, falling down on the bed as he crawled over you. His lips met yours once again as you widened your legs, allowing his hips to grind on your core. Your gasp at the sensation allowed Bucky’s tongue to explore your mouth, swallowing down each other’s moans and drawing closer and closer. Bucky pulled away for a second to catch his breath, the both of you looking deeply into the other’s eyes and panting.

His fingers traced down your side to play with the hem of your cotton panties, and you nodded, wordlessly giving him the permission he needed to pull them down. Bucky groaned at the sight of the damp fabric as he dragged the material down your legs, kissing back up your body and stoping to lovingly lick and nip at your neck as you whined and writhed for some sort of friction again.

“Jamie, please.”

He smiled and sighed at the way you begged for his touch, not used to being the one in control of anything since he’d been here, and now holding your pleasure in his hands. His fingers reached down to find your clit, dipping towards your entrance first to gather your arousal before making slow, teasing circles on the sensitive button. His soft touch set your body on fire. It had been so long since you’d been this intimate with anyone, all of your focus on the farm, and the exhaustion after a long week, not to mention the hurt from Jake deterring you from the desire for a partner.

“I’m here, I’m with you, Honey. I’ve got you-give you whatever you want. Just wanna make you feel good.”

Sensing your sensitivity and deducing how long it had likely been for you, Bucky slowly slid his middle finger through your slit, his eyes never leaving your face. He didn’t want to miss a single second of the way you nearly crumbled under his touch. Your eyes were half-lidded in pleasure as your body lurched forward at his slow, gentle intrusion, accompanied by a moan. He drank in the view, more gorgeous than he imagined you could be, back bowing at his touch. Bucky added another finger and the sensation of the cool metal against the heat between your legs was almost too much to handle.

Your legs began to shake as he slowly coaxed in a third finger, his thumb gently strumming your clit, deft fingers stretching your entrance. The feeling was overwhelming and pushing you impossibly close to an edge you hadn’t experienced in years at the hands of another.

“Jamie, Jamie it’s so much. So good. I’m so close.” It came out between hiccuping gasps as you tucked your face into his neck, throwing your arms around his muscular back and legs around his waist, pinning his hand between your bodies. You were clinging to him with your whole being as you reached your peak with a keen, pussy clenching his fingers almost painfully, but Bucky didn’t mind. He would’ve let you break his arm to see and feel the way he was wringing pleasure from the distant corners of your body right now. He continued to slowly pump his fingers against your walls, bringing you down from your high.

You would’ve collapsed onto the bed if Bucky hadn’t had a firm arm behind you, holding you to his chest where you had curled into him, as you gasped for air. You were finally able to pull your face away and look into his eyes again, his burning with desire and yours hazy with post-orgasmic bliss.

“Do you, uh, do you have a-“ Bucky’s eager nod cut you off as he pressed another sloppy kiss against your lips before slinking back off the bed and walking towards his bag in the corner of the room.

“I think so. Let me check.” Bucky hadn’t expected anything like this to happen over this month, so he definitely didn’t have a condom prepared. Perhaps his emergency one was still in his wallet, but he honestly wasn’t sure. He was pleasantly surprised to find it easily, rolling it on and coming back on the bed towards you.

As he hovered over you, you ran your hands along the scruff on the sides of his cheeks before pulling him down for another kiss. You could feel the weight of his hard length resting against your lower stomach, reaching down to stroke him gently. Bucky tensed at the sensation with a groan, throwing his head toward your shoulder and taking the opportunity to kiss your neck and down your collarbone before making his plea.

“Ride me, Honey. Need to feel you.”

You bit your lip nodding, complying with his request and moving to sit up as Bucky laid down against your pillows, right next to where you had just been sprawled out. You shuffled on your knees to straddle his hips, grinding down and letting his cock run through your folds, slick in preparation for him. You reached a hand down to perch his tip at your entrance, basking in the groan he let out at the sight. You slowly lowered yourself, the broad tip pushing your walls outward, pressure causing you to sharply gasp when he passed the threshold of your tight hole.

Your thigh muscles strained as you attempted to slowly but steadily lower yourself on his length, hyper aware of the delicious stretch of his thick cock inside you. The two of you sighed in relief as you bottomed out, nails gripping tightly into Bucky’s shoulders. Bucky held your hips as you adjusted to him, careful to not squeeze too hard from every time your tightness choked his dick. He fought the urge to throw his head back against the headboard, wanting to keep his eyes on you and where your bodies were connected. The sight of you splitting yourself open over him nearly made him come on the spot, but he tightened every muscle in his body again, trying to resist the urge. He only had one condom, after all, and he wanted to drag out this feeling for as long as possible.

He could see it on your face and feel your body start to relax as your nails gently scratched over his tattooed chest. You rocked your hips, testing the waters, and dragging a whine from both your lips. Your speed picked up, his hands continuing to guide you, finding a smooth rhythm that pulled moans, grunts, and gasps out of the two of you, until just like before, Bucky could feel you clenching again. He lowered his one hand, thumb finding your clit and rubbing tender circles, leading you both barreling towards a shared peak. Your hips stuttered and wavered with exhaustion, but Bucky continued guiding you with his firm, strong hand.

“C’mon Honey. You can do it. I can feel you’re close. Let go for me, sweet thing. Please. Come with me.” His voice was gruff, dripping with desire.

Your hands ran down the muscles of his torso and squeezed against his abs, nails digging in slightly. You used your last bit of energy to nod your head and urge him to help you along. Bucky planted his feet on the mattress, thrusting in tandem with the grind of your hips. You leaned down for a final kiss, wanting to be ever closer to him. As he gave into the gesture, it felt like everything hit you at once along with your shared orgasm: the sweet, tender moment, the reverence and respect he was treating you with throughout, and the fact that you didn’t know if it would ever happen again or if you’d see him after tomorrow.

Bucky came with a deep, but soft growl beneath you as he stroked your hair after you’d pulled away from his lips and tucked yourself into his neck again. He sat there, letting you cling to him for a second before he felt the unexpected wetness against his shoulder. Tears has started streaming down your face, and when Bucky caught a glimpse, his look was similar. Jaw clenched with water in his eyes.

The next morning, it was time for Bucky to go. The two of you had arranged it so you could have one last drive to the gas station together where you’d be meeting Gio.

Bucky convinced you to let him drive your truck for a final time, and you agreed, easily giving in to his request. He drove with the windows down, radio low on the dash, and one hand on the wheel. The other rested on your thigh while you clutched the arm attached to it against your chest and rested your head on his shoulder. His cheek was pressed against the top of your head. Bucky’s callused thumb made small circles on your skin as the breeze blew through the cab, paired with the warm glow of the early morning light, sun shining on your time together like it always had.

Next >

Bonus A/N: All this writing and this is the first time I’ve done smut for Bucky. I hope you enjoyed, I’d love to hear what you thought from a comment, reblog, or ask!!!

Series Taglist: @mrsnikstan @scuzmunkie @openup-yourmind @vicmc624 @hawkeyes-queen @blackhawkfanatic @morgthemagpie @buckybarnessimpp @calwitch @thesarcasmqueen-22

[updownlately]

i'm the definition of 'wreck' (if you look into my soul)

| leah williamson x reader | angst | 2.4k | inspo: time by nf / everywhere by niall horan | a/n: i tried to write angst, no idea how that went but here's what i got. technically since no names were named you can imagine any player from the arsenal wfc as 'her' but i wrote this with leah in mind bc well im a lw6 simp

~~~

It's been like this for weeks. This push and pull. The little things that work just a little harder each time to knock you over the edge. To be honest you don’t know how much of it you can take. And what’s worse is you know you’ve got nobody but yourself to blame. 

It’s when she’s leaving your shared bed early in the mornings, long before either of you need to be up. It’s the way she’d retire to bed later than she probably should, long after you’ve headed up, risking less sleep just to avoid contact. 

It shouldn’t be like this. Love shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn't be missed date nights, keys grabbed after every fight, doors slammed, sometimes more nights a week spent at hotels than your own bed.  Yet, it’s all you’ve ever known and the only thing you carry in your heart. This sad, broken, pathetic attempt at love is really all you have to offer.

In all honesty, you were shit at this relationship thing, though no one could blame you. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and yet you’ve begged and prayed that it would. And yeah you technically have control over your actions and should better yourself, but you’ve tried and failed over and over again. You’ve tried to improve, work on yourself, create a better version of you, but in the end, when everything’s burning and there’s napalm in the air and rubble all around you, all you’ll ever know is to grab your weapon, fire, and run. 

It’s left you alone, failed relationship after failed relationship. You swear you’ve tried. Tried to work on communicating, on breathing deep breaths before your anger builds up, on talking about your fucking feelings. Regardless, it’s never enough for yourself. You run, you hide, you lock yourself away until there’s nothing to find.

So when weeks and months pass and you see her each day with the light finally returning to her eyes you can’t help but be glad that she got rid of you. 

And when you feel so broken seeing her and her family after a game won at your home pitch, you quietly gather the shattered pieces of your heart and make your way toward the locker rooms with nobody but yourself to blame.

It's only as you pass the friends and family section that you can pick out her mother’s voice and your name being said in conversation, with a follow up question on how you’re doing, something you really don’t deserve after how you’ve treated her.

You’re very much aware that no matter how many times you fix your damaged heart and dull all the sharp edges, that you’ll still end up hurting those around you. So you speed up ever so slightly, shielding your already broken heart, cradling the pieces that had fallen ever so gently as they break further in your hands, careful not to cut anybody along the way. You swear you drop some pieces in your hurry, but with your rush you tell yourself you’d come back later to grab them (spoiler: you never do).

~

You end up showering and changing before anyone else has even made it back inside. Making a pit stop to confirm your departure and the following days’ schedules with your manager and coach, you check the time and head to your car.

It's late afternoon and while that helps expand your options for lunch, it also means you have one too many hours left in the day to survive before you can let yourself head to bed. Contemplating on how to spend the rest of your day, it’s your tiredness that makes the final decision. 

You grab a quick lunch, choosing to not head home and instead to the gym for a workout. It may not be one of your wiser decisions to have an extensive training session today, but with the free time on your hand and the voices in your head, there’s really no better option. 

Meeting up with your trainer, which by the way bless his heart for booking you at the last minute, you gather your gloves and handwrap and head towards the equipment. It’s as you run through your normal warm-up that you reflect on how pathetic your life’s become. 

For the past three months, you’ve damn near ceased to exist. Yeah your body’s still here, you’re waking up in the mornings, attending practices, playing in games, all the good stuff really, but you know you’re not there. A feeling you’re all too familiar with. The lack of care of what happens to your body, the way your slide tackles and play gets just a tad bit more dangerous each game, the way you keep training, choosing to ignore the idea of a recovery period, the way your car’s more comforting to you than the apartment you own. You’ve been here before and it wasn’t a good place then and it sure as hell isn’t now, but it's all you know and the only thing that’s never really left, so you’ll cherish it for as long as you can. You know that if anything and everything leaves, as they always seem to do, you’ll still have your companion in the darkness.

The sane part of you realizes how far gone you are, it tries, tries so helplessly hard to pull you back, remind you that you can be okay, but this time? This time you’re sure you’ve given up on trying to remember that. So you’ll do what you know best. Let it consume you. Let it destroy you. Pick you apart piece by piece. Let you slowly forget the feel of a sunny day and a good practice with the team. Rid you of the joy that comes with the pretty sunsets London Colney sometimes has to offer. And this time you’ll let it all happen with open arms, truly, honestly, finally exhausted.

An hour later when your trainer’s calling it a day and forcing you to take a break, you listen, if only to spare yourself a lecture. You grab your stuff, shower, change, and head out. You’ve still got a couple hours left to kill, and with your training bag and boots still in your car, it’s not a difficult decision of where to go. 

Opening your car door and entering, you can feel the day catch up to you, your body readily sinking into the driver's seat, almost protesting against your mind. You know you’ll be feeling these workouts tomorrow, but your mind’s not done racing yet. 

Lacing your boots a short while later, back at the training grounds, you grab your spare ball and warm-up once again, going through the motions. With how many hours you’ve spent at the grounds alone, you’ve developed a pretty consistent solo training session. It's the peace of being alone, a football at your feet, and a near-perfect grassy pitch at your disposal that your mind slowly begins to slow, finally tiring.

You thought you got lucky, a finally tired mind and the hour changing to one acceptable enough for sleep, but then your phone rings, an all too familiar caller ID flashing the screen.

Eight pm after a match in the afternoon is an odd time for your coach to be calling you and with curiosity getting the best of you, you scramble to answer the phone. Running through the pleasantries, you gently prod the reason for his call. 

The answer you get isn’t what you were expecting really, but then again, it was a miracle it had taken this long for it to be said.

“Your contract’s ending soon. wrapping up the third and headed into the final year. Any thoughts on your future?”

The tone in Jonas’ voice causes your heart to sink. This club had been home to you since you had left your own. Arsenal had accepted you with open arms from the start, being your saving grace when you had thought you were going to be subjected to living a broken life at a place that never felt like home. When they had renewed your initial two year contract into another four, you had been elated for your future. You had never felt more excited to be tied down to a place before. taking a silent deep breath, you push back the memories of that day and swallow your emotions effortlessly.

“Depends. What's my future at Arsenal looking like?”

“You tell me. You of all players know that chemistry in a team is what makes a team run, what makes a team successful.”

His response tells you everything you need to know. You know he wasn’t oblivious to what had happened. How your outgoing personality had slowly stopped being exactly that. The way that you had pulled away from your teammates, treating them like nothing more than colleagues rather than friends, treating your job as what it simply was, your job. But you never expected him to have let it impact your presence on the team. You knew what you were worth and what you brought to the table. You weren’t a goal scoring machine, or defensive unit, a tough protective wall. You were you. You played all your minutes like they were the last you’d ever play, heart left of the pitch (not that there was much left of it anyway). You were content with setting your teammates up, leading the league in assists. You were a decent tackler, winning more than two thirds of your face-offs on the regular. You knew your worth on the team, and your agent reminded you of it often enough too, mentioning the potential offers you could have from other clubs regardless of how many times you’d told him you didn’t plan to leave.

“Our on pitch chemistry hasn’t changed. My on pitch chemistry hasn’t changed. We’re still a unit on the field Jonas and you know it. You know I have the utmost respect for you and this club, don’t let me think any differently.”

“A handful of clubs have reached out. Their offers are tempting to say the least.”

As much as it hurt you to say the next few words, you knew that taking any other stance would leave you stuck, broken for the umpteenth time. “I trust you to make the best decision for the club. At the end of the day, I wish nothing but the best for Arsenal.” 

The ‘with or without me’ goes unsaid but from the few years that you’ve worked with him, you knew for a fact that he had heard the unspoken words. As Jonas lets you know that while a decision had to be made, there wasn’t an immediate rush, you know for a fact that you’ll likely not be calling London home again. And when you both agree to reconnect a week from now, you’ve already accepted your fate. 

It’s an unusually silent drive home for you. The brief break you had earlier from your mind is long gone as you make a mental note to get in touch with your agent first thing tomorrow morning.

~

The post goes up after your last match of the season. While Arsenal had qualified for the Champions League once again, the team had gotten knocked out in the semis for the tournament, ending their season a few days early. It’s between the break of club football and world cup prep that your departure is announced, with no real destination said. If you hadn’t known that London wasn’t home for you anymore, the lack of a response besides an occasional story about the post from a few of your teammates solidified it. 

It's when Bayern upload their new signing post with you holding up your new jersey that the final nail in the coffin is hammered in. The way your move suddenly becomes real. The comments being said online. Speculation on why Arsenal decided to let you go despite your importance to their success. Why Bayern was who you chose. Why there was no lengthy farewell. The people were digging for any crumbs, any notions on why you may have left, but it was only you and your teammates that really knew, and you all chose to keep mum. 

It’s with the acceptance that you’re leaving do you feel absolutely unwanted and lost. And while you’d felt lost in your life before, it had never been like this. Feeling lost was when you were younger and couldn’t find your mother while at the toy store and when you had gotten your first failing mark in school. Feeling lost was when you were asked to leave your childhood home after coming out, no idea where to go. It was when you still got night terrors from the fights that your parents used to have even when you thought you had healed. But being lost had never felt like this. It had never reminded you that you had lost the only good in your life. That the only family you had ever loved didn’t want you anymore. That you hurt all those around you, people you promised to protect and love. That you had a gaping hole in your chest from a gun that you had fired. 

So as the weeks pass and the world cup comes and goes and you notice yourself slipping just a little more each day, you let it play out. You don’t know what your breaking point is but at this point you just don’t care enough to not find out, especially since you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.

When you leave your bed early in the mornings, long before you need to be up just because sleep wasn’t coming to you and retire to bed later than you should just to avoid having to lay in a bed alone, you blame yourself. When you come home to an empty apartment in a new city, the loneliness amplified by the darkness you choose to adorn your apartment with, you have no one to turn to but yourself. And when you interact with your new teammates solely for work in fear of hurting them too, you remind yourself that you’re broken, only able to spread your misery rather than feel joy.

It never was supposed to be like this. Existing wasn’t supposed to be like this. But now it’s all you know and all you have. So when you wish you yourself could leave your body and soul behind, it wasn't hard to understand why she left you.

At the end of the day, when everything's done and gone, you at your core were a mess you didn't know how to control, a wreck of a soul, barely alive.

[odyssean-flower]

the winding path of fate chapter 18 sneak peak

The first drops of precipitation landed on Neuvillette’s face. It took him a second to register it before he looked up at the grey skies.

“Aah…” he let out a sigh. While the rain and damp air soothed his mind, it also brought a heaviness to his mind. I should try to restrain myself for today. A birthday party should be a cheerful occasion, with sunny weather and clear skies.

Besides, he didn’t want to disappoint you more than he already did.

The trials had proceeded faster than he expected, though it was now late afternoon. They were mostly over petty offences and disputes. Even the Oratrice seemed to issue its verdicts a little quicker than usual, as though it was also impatient to get the day over with.

And now he was back at the Palais, standing in a corner outside the doors. He absentmindedly watched the people rushing about, looking for shelter from the rain.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm his mind, imagining the flat surface of the sea. It seemed to work somewhat, but the sky remained leaden.

Throughout the centuries of his existence, Neuvillette had learned a few methods to settle his emotions after a trial. One of them was to distract himself with work, which was why he returned to his office even though he technically had the rest of the day to himself. He could have also returned home, but with Marie visiting family and you away for the whole day, the thought of going back to an empty, silent house seemed almost unbearable.

Yet another oddity that he noticed within himself recently. He usually relished quiet and solitude.

Shaking his head slightly, he entered the Palais and greeted Sedene before heading into his office, where he was met with a surprise but very welcome guest.

“Monsieur Neuvillette!” Sigewinne, the head nurse of Meropide, waved her hand merrily at him from the couch. Feeling his mind lighten considerably at the mere sight of her, he strode over to her quickly. There was a tray of tea and cakes in front of her.

“Sigewinne, what a pleasant surprise. I did not know that you had a day off today.”

“Hee hee, I wanted to keep it a surprise!” she bounced over to him with two small boxes. “The Duke also sends his greetings, as well as two boxes of tea.”

“How generous of him. Give him my thanks when you return,” Neuvillette accepted the boxes and studied them. He recognized them as black tea leaves from a high-end brand. He could smell the fragrance of the tea leaves even through the packaging.

“The Duke says he’s giving you two so that you’ll have more to share with Madame. Oh, actually, he said ‘your friend.’ Don’t worry, Monsieur Neuvillette, I didn’t breathe a word about who Madame is to you. I doubt he knows anything.”

Neuvillette raised an eyebrow at that, but didn’t pursue it any further. I suppose it’s alright if it’s Wriothesley, he thought. He is not the type of person to engage in idle gossip.

“He also says that he hopes Madame will like it, and that if she doesn’t, then feel free to ask him for another variety from his collection,” Sigewinne added.

“I do think she would enjoy it,” Neuvillette assured her, though he wondered about it. He didn’t believe he saw you drinking tea very much, except during the meeting with Furina. He did, however, remember seeing you drink Fonta on numerous occasions (it appears his endeavours to introduce you to the many varieties of water hadn’t yet borne fruit). Perhaps you preferred sweeter beverages. He tried to recall the pantry back home. Do we have enough sugar cubes or milk?

“Monsieur Neuvillette?” his musings were interrupted by Sigewinne’s voice. She was gazing up at him in confusion, her face tilted slightly.

Neuvillette shook his head, clearing it. “Pardon me, I was lost in my thoughts.” he said, then followed her to the couch, where they engaged in their usual conversation, which inevitably ended in her listening to his water commentary.

“Oh, by the way, Monsieur Neuvillette I really am looking forward to the sunflower viewing party in a few weeks. I can’t wait to finally meet Madame!” Sigewinne said after he finished talking about the properties of water from Mondstadt’s Cider Lake. “She sounds wonderful from what you’ve said of her. Did she come and watch your trials today? Has she already gone home? I don’t see her with you…”

“No…no, actually, she is currently attending her sister’s birthday party back home.”

“Oh, I see…” Sigewinne peered at his face, then glanced out the window. The rain seemed to have stopped completely, but there was no sign of the sun either. She suddenly turned back to peer into his face. “You must miss her.”

“Miss her? No, of course not. She will only be away until tomorrow,” Neuvillette said, almost automatically. But it was the truth. Besides, it was not as though he saw you every second of every day. In fact, it was rather common for him to only see you in the morning and at night. It should not be any different for this time, except for the fact that you would not be at home to greet him when he returned, or bid him good night or good morning…

Before I knew it, I’ve come to expect these things…

“Oh dear,” Sigewinne remarked as thunder rumbled. “Monsieur Neuvillette, how about we take a stroll through the streets? I’ve been wanting to check out the new beauty products on sale anyways.”

“Yes, let us do so,” Neuvillette agreed, then stood up. Guilt welled up within him. He didn’t feel himself lately, and he was letting it affect his emotional state far too much. He was even making Sigewinne worried about him.

Suddenly, an idea popped into his mind. “While we’re out, allow me to introduce you to a new drink called an ice cream soda. Madame introduced it to me yesterday. The flavor is quite intriguing. I do think you’ll like it.”

“Ooh, if you’re saying that, then I have to try it!” Sigewinne clapped her hands together excitedly.

A short time later, the two of them walked out of the ice cream shop with their drinks in hand, leaving behind astonished employees and gawking patrons. They sat down at a table in the back. Thankfully, the surrounding tables were empty due to the bad weather.

“This is good,” Sigewinne commented after she took a sip. “I especially love the fizzy soda bubbles. I’m going to tell the others about this later. …Monsieur Neuvillette, what’s wrong? Your brow is furrowed. Do you not like yours?”

“No, that’s not it…” Neuvillette murmured, staring at his soda. How peculiar. He was sure he had ordered the same flavor you had bought for him. It tasted the same as well. He could tell that objectively, nothing had changed. But what was this sense of wrongness. Is it the soda, perhaps? Did the shop change the variety they used today? Should I inquire about it?

Neuvillette glanced at the shop entrance, which now had a line of people stretching out of it, and decided against it. The staff should not waste their precious time on his trivial question.

He turned back to Sigewinne, who was watching him closely. “There is nothing wrong with my drink, exactly. It is just that it doesn’t quite taste the same as it had yesterday, even though it is the same drink.”

“That is strange…” Sigewinne tilted her small head to the side, as if in thought. “It’s unlikely they would change the recipe in just a day, right? Maybe Madame asked them to add a little something extra. You should ask her.”

“Perhaps I shall,” Neuvillette nodded, then took another sip of his soda. It wasn’t just his imagination--it really did taste different. It had been so hot yesterday. Perhaps that affected things.

All he knew was that the sweetness of the ice cream soda you bought him lingered in his mouth for the whole day.

“What I mean is, Monsieur Neuvillette, you should go and ask Madame now.”

Neuvillette blinked. “Now?” he repeated.

Sigewinne nodded vigorously. “Uh-huh. We both know that you can reach the other side of Fontaine in just a few minutes, and Sedene told me before that you don’t have anything important scheduled for the rest of the day.”

“That’s true, but…I cannot simply show up at her family’s home unexpectedly for such a trivial reason. It will only draw unnecessary attention, and it is already so terribly late in the day…”

He found himself making excuses one after the other. They sounded empty to his ears, even though there was sound reason behind them.

He was no stranger to the clash between emotion and logic--it was something he struggled with all too often. This was no exception. He didn’t understand why that brief look of disappointment had flashed across your face when you asked him if he would like to accompany you to the birthday party. Surely you knew that it was better for you two to not be seen together too much. He did not understand why you had asked him in the first place, nor why the first thing on the tip of his tongue was to say “Yes,” nor why your subsequent justification for his sake had stung him.

If he went to you right now, would he find the answers to those questions?

“Monsieur Neuvillette…” Sigewinne crossed her arms. “It seems to me like you’re making excuses for yourself. If I invited you to my party, I would be happy that you showed up no matter how late. But if you’re worried about it, then…” she rummaged through her bag and took out a small vial. “Here! Give this to Madame’s sister.”

Neuvillette took the vial and examined the label. “A skin serum?”

“I made it myself! Skincare is all the rage among young ladies of the Court these days. Tell her that it’s from me. Everyone loves receiving gifts on their birthday, after all, so maybe this will help soften the blow of your lateness.”

“I’m still not sure if I should take leave for such an inconsequential matter,” Neuvillette hesitated, even as his mind was calculating the time it would take to go from the Court to your hometown near the mountains in the northeast. I do think I’ll be able to get there before dark. “What if an emergency comes up?”

“The Gardes can handle anything,” Sigewinne assured him. “And I don’t think it’s inconsequential at all! You were invited as a guest. I’m sure your presence there will make everyone very happy, including Madame.”

“If you say so, Sigewinne, then I suppose I could stop by for a little bit and give your present,” Neuvillette was already standing up. “I do apologize that I can’t spend more time with you today.”

“Don’t worry! We’ll see each other again at the sunflower viewing party at your house,” Sigewinne smiled at him. “I can’t wait to meet Madame.”

“I feel the same way. She would be delighted to meet you as well,” he said, and meant every word of it.

After saying his goodbyes, he quickly strode away, back to the Palais. I have to write a note of absence for Furina first, and then collect some things. What sort of water would be appropriate for a birthday party, I wonder…

“Monsieur Neuvillette is already very cute, but he’s gotten even more adorable lately,” Sigewinne murmured to herself as she observed the sun breaking through the dense clouds at last.

[purgatory-is-life]

Mechtober Day 14/prompt 14-Alternate Universe

if i need to single handedly populate this fandom with urban fantasy aus by the gods i will

@mechtober-2024

An Average Day 'Round Here, Really - Reality666Rift999 - The Mechanisms (Band) [Archive of Our Own]

tw, my poor attempts at using british vernacular with my very limited knowledge of it as an american, cursing, arguing (mostly jokingly), mentioned alcohol, implied alcohol consumption, blood, blood consumption, non-con blood drinking, minor unnamed character death, probably more, feel free to ask me to tag something!!

Brian woke with a groan, and something heavy on top of him. He cracked an eye open, glaring at whichever one of his flatmates it was that decided to wake him up this time. It turned out to be Raphaella. He glanced at his clock–eleven AM. Too early, by his standards, but he did have some classes that day, so he would’ve had to get up at some point.

“What do you want, Raph?” He asked, voice thick with sleep.

“Do you have the chem notes from Friday?” she asked, staring up at him with wide, unblinking eyes. His still freshly-woken up and foggy mind thought she looked a lot like a bird, like one of those falcon’s Tim’s constantly sending pictures of.

Brian stared back at her. “Raph. You couldn’t wait for two hours for me to wake up with my alarm to ask that?”

“My chem lab is at noon!” She defended. “And you almost never get up before noon.” She poked him on the nose. “It was much easier to wake you up, insomniac. You need to work on your sleep schedule.”

“I at least get a consistent amount of sleep,” Brian grumbled, “how much have you slept recently?”

Raphaella quickly turned her head, waving her hand dismissively. “Not important! My chem lab is in an hour, do you have the notes or not?”

Brian curled up further under his sheets, humming quietly and closing his eyes again as if he’d be able to get any more sleep. “In the yellow notebook, on my desk. Hundredth page in.”

“Ah! Thank you, dearest,” Raph kissed his forehead and jumped off him, scurrying towards his desk.

“Mhm…”

Raphaella grabbed the notebook, and left the room. There was a brief moment where Brian could almost fool himself that he was asleep, before Raph came back into his room. “Do you… want me to turn your light on to help you wake up or…?”

Brian groaned, and pulled one of his pillows over his head. “Please let me at least try to get my last two hours of rest!”

“Okay, sorry!” And then Raphaella actually left him alone to get some more sleep.

—-- By the time his alarm went off, Brian had been playing a random game on his phone for at least an hour and a half. At some point in his attempts to get back to sleep, he’d given up and began playing on his phone. However, with his phone vibrating aggressively and playing one of Toy’s newer songs loudly, he couldn’t get away with hiding any longer, and he forced himself to get up.

He sat up, stretching his arms, back popping as he did so. He swung his legs, testing his knees. Finding they didn’t ache as much as usual, he decided to venture out into the living area of the apartment without his cane. As he entered the living room, it was just as he expected–chaotic. And loud, he was honestly surprised he hadn’t noticed before, while he was still hiding in his room.

Everyone in their friend group was there– while Brian, Marius and Raph were technically the only ones on the lease, it was admittedly more unusual if there weren’t at least six people in their flat at once. Typically, all nine of them were in at once, but Raph had a few labs on Monday’s and Nastya had one of her computer science classes in the afternoon on Mondays, so it was only the seven of them on Monday afternoons. Eight, if Marius convinced Lyfrassir to come around, or they’d stayed the night. Nine, at most and if they were lucky, and Bertie was visiting from his campus.

Currently, Jonny was laying on top of Ashes while rambling about something from his creative writing class, maybe something about his teacher who he hated. Apparently, he was kind of a jackass, but it was Jonny, and Jonny was prone to exaggeration, so he could’ve been fine. Toy and Marius were playing chopsticks while debating something in German, Ivy was reading a book while sitting upside down on the couch, and Gunpowder was cooking something.

Ashes was the first to notice his emergence, as he made a beeline for the coffee pot. “Morning, doll,” Ashes called, smirking. Brian rolled his eyes at them.

“It’s afternoon,” Brian pointed out, “that’s the point. I don’t like getting up early.”

“It’s still fun to bother you about,” Ashes said. He could hear the grin in their voice. Brian rolled his eyes again, and set about making his coffee, being careful to move around Tim while he-they?-continued cooking.

“Pronouns?” Brian asked, starting his cup.

“She/he, thanks,” Gunpowder smiled, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “So you’re finally awake?”

“Oh, you can’t talk, Timopher,” Brian flicked the other on the head. She groaned at that.

“Not you too! I’m going to kill Jonny for getting you all started on that!”

Brian grinned, but didn’t say anything more. Tim pouted, but returned to his cookery. The smell of bacon hit Brian’s nose as something started sizzling on a pan, and his stomach growled at him. Gunpowder noticed, and tilted his head at him as Brian grabbed a mug from one of the cabinets. “D’you want some of this? I can make more, it’s just eggs, some toast, and bacon.”

Brian shook his head as he poured his cup of coffee. “No, thank you. I was planning on getting something on my way to my anatomy class.”

Tim raised an eyebrow, glancing at him over his glasses. “Your anatomy class is at three. It’s almost one-fifteen. You have time to eat a proper breakfast.” Brian waved her off as he took a sip of his coffee. Tim wrinkled his nose. “Brian. One-coffee isn’t breakfast. Two-black coffee? Seriously?”

Brian shrugged. “It’s better than coffee ice cream for breakfast.”

Gunpowder rolled her eyes, pinching her nose. “It’s not- I’m not doing this. And besides, that was one time during finals last year. I don’t think any of us had a consistent amount of sleep or a consistent amount of food in our stomachs.”

“The woes of being a college student,” Brian said, taking another sip of his coffee and walking towards the adjoining living room.

“Yea- wait I’m not done lecturing you–!”

But Brian was already sitting down next to Ivy and ignoring her complaints. “Good afternoon, Brian. Did you sleep well?”

“Would’ve slept better if Raph didn’t wake me up, but mostly, yeah.”

Ivy nodded. “I apologize, I was the one to tell Raphaella to ask you for the notes. I forgot how much you dislike being woken up early.” She turned another page in her book.

“It’s fine, Ivy, I’ll just try and go to bed a bit early tonight.”

“I believe it’s a misnomer to say you sleep at night–you go to bed most often at four AM.”

Brian–couldn’t deny her there. “Is it comfortable, sitting upside down like that?” he asked instead.

“It is plenty comfortable for me. Thank you for your concern, though.”

Brian nodded, and took another sip of his coffee. The still-scalding liquid burned in his throat, and behind it a thirst he’d been doing his best to ignore burned as well. He’d have to do something about it soon–the… thirst? Hunger? He still wasn’t sure what to call it, nearly two years later–either way, he’d have to do something about it soon, it was getting hard to ignore.

Gunpowder came into the room with a plate of food, flopping onto the couch next to (almost on top of) Ashes. “Oh, by the way,” she started, “I’m going to be visiting Bertie over the next few days, I’m heading out a bit later, so I might not be able to make it to band practice on Thursday.”

“Have fun,” Jonny said, reaching over to Tim’s paper plate and taking some of the bacon for himself.

Tim swatted at Jonny’s hand, sticking his tongue out at the other. Jonny stuck his tongue out at her. Brian smiled at his friends' shenanigans–not quite dumbassery, but a very similar brand of chaos. Though, dumbassery usually ended with someone injured and an argument about whether or not a trip to A&E was necessary. And a kidnapping to take someone to A&E, but that was neither here nor there.

“Tell Bertie we say hello,” Ivy said, as Brian glanced over at Marius and Toy, who were still completely absorbed in their game and debate.

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll know,” Tim shrugged as Jonny–successfully, this time–stole some of Gunpowder’s bacon.

Tim didn’t notice at first, but when she did, she immediately turned on Jonny. The other grinned, which only annoyed Tim more. Brian decided that was a good moment to down the rest of his scalding coffee, and get up to get dressed. “Do you think I can get away with not wearing my binder today without my chem lab supervisor misgendering me?”

Ivy glanced up from her book and raised an eyebrow at him.

“…Yeah, fair enough…” Brian sighed. He didn’t really care one way or the other about wearing his binder or how people perceived him, but sometimes it got tiring getting misgendered by people around him. Oh well, he wouldn’t have to wear it all day. Brian glanced back at Gunpowder and Jonny, and saw that Tim had completely ditched his breakfast, and was now wrestling with Jonny while Ashes took her bacon. All in all, a normal day, really.

—--

Brian hated the sun. Without a doubt, he hated the sun. It was hot, it was bright and hurt his eyes, and it made him tired. Really, besides it providing light for the rose bushes he’d been trying to grow out of his flat’s window box, he had no reason to like the sun. Except for the fact that most of his friends were awake when the sun was up, but most of his friends had absolutely god awful sleep schedules, and Brian was half certain Raphaella was more willing to do hard drugs than sleep when she could be ‘science-ing’. So, really, other than the roses needing sunlight to grow, he really didn’t have any reason to appreciate the sun. So, naturally, with such a hatred of the sun, he did his best to avoid it, but sometimes he was forced to face the burning ball of hydrogen gas and plasma.

The latest anatomy class he could get was at three, and thus he was forced to face the sun at least twice a week on Mondays and Thursdays (for his bio-chem class, which was at two-thirty) if he wanted to actually gain that pre-med he’d been working towards since Secondary. At the very least, with the weather changing and slipping more into the icy chill of fall and winter, the amount of time he’d have to face the sun was lessened. Which he was grateful for, even though the sun had long since begun to set as he made his way home from his last monday class (he also had a chem lab on mondays, but it was at a different time than Raphaella’s) at six in the evening.

When he returned to the flat, placing his bag by the door and tossing his jacket on the coat wrack. With a quick glance around the flat’s living room, he noted that everyone was there with the exception of Gunpowder. She must’ve already headed off to Bertie’s campus. Lyf was there, sitting on the couch braiding Raphaella’s hair while she braided Marius’s hair, and Marius scribbled something down while Nastya played her viola. Jonny and Ashes were cooking something, though he could hear Jonny saying he was gonna head out once the food was done. Toy was laying on the floor on top of Ivy, both of whom were reading different books. Toy was reading a book that appeared to be about different species of frogs, and Ivy seemed to be reading something about mice. Which did nothing to narrow down what she was reading.

Lyf glanced up from their work, briefly, and nodded at him as he entered. Brian smiled and waved, continuing his walk to his room.

“Brian!” Ashes called, peaking leaning on the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen. “You gonna want any o’ this, doll?”

“Oh!” Brian hummed. “No, probably shouldn’t–I told Galahad I’d go out for drinks with him and some of his friends.”

“The Pendragons, again?” Ashes raised an eyebrow as Jonny pouted, turning to face him as well.

“Yeah,” Brian nodded. He glanced at Jonny and smirked at him. “What’s with the pout, dear?”

Jonny scoffed, face turning a bright red. “Fuck off! I put in all this work and you ain’t even gonna try any?”

Brian’s smirk softened. “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t realize you were making dinner for us tonight. Save some for me?”

Jonny huffed and nodded, turning back to his cooking and waving him off. Brian glanced into the pot, trying to decipher what it was that he and Ashes were cooking. It looked like some kind of stew. With that mystery kind-of solved, Brian headed to his bedroom to change into something a bit more bar-appropriate.

He did have somewhere to be, afterall. While the night was young.

—--

Brian, along with the sun, hated bars. Their smell was rancid, there were always too many people and they were always too close, Brian hated bars. More specifically, he hated getting hit on at bars. And yet, here he was, in a back alley behind a bar making out with some random drunk person. They were-probably a man? And definitely older than him, but Brian wasn’t picky with his snacks.

Though, in times like these, he found himself often missing his friends–“the Crew”, as Jonny sometimes called them.

Their relationship was… Well, it was something. He could probably write a philosophy thesis on it, actually. And it wouldn’t be fair to say they weren’t open, by no means were whatever-they-were a closed relationship. But maybe it wasn’t fair to say whatever they had was open, either? Since it wasn’t exactly defined in most areas.

Tim and Bertie were something, though Gunpowder refused to elaborate further. Tim and Jonny were dating(?)–that’s literally how they described it, too–Jonny was willing to have sex with most of them except Nastya (for obvious reasons. Ew), whereas Marius was usually the opposite, he’d take everyone out on dates and plan elaborate dinners or lunches or breakfasts or brunches, whatever meal it was, but sex was a very inconsistent desire for him. Brian was generally the same way, though a bit less… dramatic, about it. His planned dates were always much less extravagant than Marius’s. Nastya was exclusive with her long-distance girlfriend, but she and Brian kissed sometimes, and he knows that she and Ivy also do the same on occasion. Toy was odd, but it was always sweet and it was involved in the relationship chaos in all the ways that mattered, it deserved a place in this train of thought. It didn’t exactly feel romantic or sexual attraction, but had expressed that it loved the Crew all deeply and truly, and always tried to help and show its care in whatever ways it deemed to be effective.

Ashes had something with everyone, but it looked different depending who of the Crew they were with, Raph and Ivy were dating, Marius was starting to date Lyffrassir, which actually seemed to be going pretty well compared to previous romantic exploits outside the Crew of his, Marius, Ivy, and Raphaella were dating, and all of them were just… generally pretty touchy feel-y? It was always weird to see one of the Crew and not see at least two others nearby. And dating or being fuckbuddies with one of them generally meant having to share with the rest at least, and if not, being roped up a lot more tightly in their web of weirdness (as Lyf had once called it). Lyf was still new, but they seemed to get along with everyone pretty well, and had even made out with Brian on a few occasions, and he’d definitely seen them leaving Raph’s room with tousled clothes and hair in the early morning while he was still awake, shortly followed by Ivy or Raph–or both.

All that to say, there were about nine other people that Brian could be kissing that he’d much rather be snogging behind a dingy bar. The probably-a-man reached up and curled a lock of his hair around their finger. “You’ve got such pretty hair, doll,” they said, breaking the kiss.

The stench of whiskey was heavy on their breath–it was amazing they were coherent at all–and Brian was hit with two twin pangs of longing, one with an equal measure of anger. Only Ashes got to call him doll. Brian would have to try and finish this quickly, even if he didn’t really want to hurt them. They hadn’t done anything yet. Except– well, except agreeing to makeout with a college student in a back alley. Brian had to force himself to not wrinkle his nose at the whiskey smell that came with each of their heavy breaths–that was a scent that was only kinda sexy on Jonny–there was no way he wasn’t going to be at least a little tipsy after everything was over. Which–might sell his excuse about going out for drinks with Galahad and the Pendragon Polycule better than coming home sober.

“Thanks,” Brian replied quietly, “a friend of mine does it for me.” Ivy had been dying her hair forever, and was therefore the most apt member of the Crew to aid in taking care of everyone’s hair when they were too Tired to do it themselves for one reason or another. It was always relaxing, her hands running through his hair as she washed it for him in either the bathroom sink or the flat’s tub–he had a lot of hair and was very inconsistent about cutting it to various lengths. It seemed to make his joints stop hurting and his head less achey. She’d probably say something about endorphins and serotonin and relaxing–or maybe Raph would, no telling who.

“Oh?” they responded, clearly uninterested.

“Mhm,” Brian nodded. “Hey, did you know that the scales of most sharks, placoid scales, are made up of largely the same enamel as what makes up teeth? So some people call their scales teeth scales.” Brian knew approximately four people who called them that, and one of them was studying marine biology. And the other three were Raph, Galahad, and Jonny. Actually, he’d heard Marius call them teeth scales before– or, no, he’d called them teeth skin. That still counted, he supposed. So, five people, on a technicality, probably six soon once Toy picks it up. He was surprised it hadn’t already, actually. “I’ve even heard some people call them teeth skin. Although they don’t eat with their skin, like some animals.”

Whatever direction the probably-a-man expected this conversation to go, this was certainly not it. They stared at him in confusion, pausing in twirling his hair in their hand. Well, that was what he was wanting, confusion and surprise. He was running out of odd animal facts though–Toy hadn’t given him any new bug facts in a while and it was more focused on trying to find frog facts that none of the Crew had heard before (which was harder than it seemed) and Lyffrassir was just generally hesitant to start infodumping about marine biology around anyone other than Marius it seemed. All this to say, Brian was thinking about getting a better method to throw people off their game.

He was overthinking this innocuous piece of information, he knew. Stalling. The confusion wouldn’t last long, the person’s inebriated mind probably already forgetting why they’re confused in the first place. He was hesitating, but god or gods above, his stomach ached with want. And yet, he was hesitating. He should really be used to this by now–he’s been doing this for two years at this point. Just– stop thinking, and do it.

“Well–” the person started, but didn’t get to finish as Brian lunged for their throat, sharp fangs easily piercing the delicate, human flesh. Their words, and their scream, died in their throat as he did so. They thrashed and tried to push him away, but being the inhuman thing he was, he was stronger and was able to hold them in place until they stopped trying to fight, as he drained their lifeblood through the gaping, gushing wound in their neck.

He always hated it, hated feeding off of and killing people. But if he didn’t, he could starve, and starving looked much worse than killing one or two people a month–he’d tested it. At least twice.

It was several minutes until the person fully went limp, but there was still blood and Brian was still hungry, even if he knew he was overindulging and going to feel sick and even more achey than usual later. Eventually though, as the now-corpse was starting to run dry (some part of himself, the part that was a starving, ravenous thing, wanted to drain as much as he could, and knew that there was surely more blood in the body that was just harder to get too–he ignored that part vehemently), Brian let the corpse drop and stepped back, staring blankly at the corpse.

He did this every time, taking a second to stare at the mess he left. Take a minute to revel in how awful he was.

A voice snapped him out of his post-feeding haze. “Oh~ I know that smell~!” Brian’s head snapped up to the end of the alley, eyes widening and body freezing in place. “What do we have– Brian?”

Jonny stared at him with glowing, red eyes, confusion written on his face.

Shit.

[final-girl96]

Broken World: Chapter Twenty

I had my arms lightly wrapped around Daryl's waist, just enough to hold on and not make him uncomfortable. I could already feel how tense he was now with the light hold I had on him. He wasn't as tense as he was when we left the church parking lot, but he was still tense. The road was clear for miles before we got to a huge traffic jam. Cars were packed tight. It was easy for Daryl to weave in and out of them, but Dale wouldn't be able to get through without us moving some cars out of the way. Just as Daryl went to see if there might be a way he could get through, the RV broke down.

Now, we were stranded on the highway while they fixed it. Shane and Glenn went off to look through the other cars for a radiator hose for the RV, Rick stood guard, Andrea went back into the RV, Dale started to work on it, and the rest of us started looking through the cars for supplies. Lori was against it at first, saying we were in a graveyard. Technically, she wasn't wrong, but we needed food and water. I walked ahead of everyone else and started to look through some of the cars further ahead.

I found a pack of unopened and opened cigarettes with a lighter in one of the cars. The owner still sat in the driver's seat, skin dried, and sunken in. There was a single gunshot to the temple on the right side. The driver's side and back window, along with the seat, was covered in the aftermath. There was a bandage wrapped around his left arm. This person knew he wasn't going to survive. He knew what happened when he got bitten, and the fever hit. The gun he used, a revolver, laid on the floor by his feet, and I picked that up too, sticking it into the back of my pants after checking it. It was only missing one bullet, leaving five left. Checking the car more, I found a couple of boxes of ammo to go with it.

I was about to move onto the next car when a hand covered my mouth from behind. I gripped the person's wrist about to break free when I heard Daryl's voice. “Get under the car and keep your mouth shut.” With that, he was quickly but quietly making his way down the highway. I started to follow him but then saw it…the large group of walkers shuffling and stumbling through the cars. “Holy shit.” I ducked down and crawled under the closest car.

The sound of their groans grew louder, and the smell grew stronger the closer they got. I pulled my knife and laid on my back, watching the dead shuffle slowly past. I waited five extra minutes after they had completely shuffled past to come out from under the car. When I got back to the group, Carol was crying, T-dog was holding his arm while Andrea bandaged it up. “What happened?” I asked. I noticed Rick wasn't there and started to think the worst. Daryl walked up to me and pulled me back away from everyone.

“The little girl ran into the woods; Rick went after her,” he told me. “Sophia? Oh, my god. And T? Was he…” he shook his head. “Nah, cut ‘emself real bad.” I put my hands on my head and let out a long deep sigh, closing my eyes for a second before I remembered the cigarettes I found. “Oh, here.” I pulled the lighter out of my front pocket and the cigarettes out of my back pockets. “Found them in a car and figured you'd like to have them,” I said, handing them to Daryl. He chewed on his bottom lip, nodded his head, and took them from my hand.

We all waited for Rick to come back with Sophia. The afternoon was starting to turn into evening, the sun slowly starting to go down. Carol, Andrea, and Lori were all gathered around the guardrail anxiously waiting for Rick to show up with Sophia safe and sound. But when he ran up the small incline, breathing heavy, with no sign of the little girl, Carol started to cry more while pacing. Rick looked around at everyone, confused. “Where's Sophia?” He asked, and that made Carol panic even more than she already was.

Rick explained what had happened, how he told Sophia to hide and wait for him while he led the walkers away. He told her if he didn't come back to head back to the highway and keep the sun on her left shoulder. When he was done taking care of the walkers and went back where he left Sophia, she was gone, and he assumed she made her way back to the highway. Now Rick, me, Daryl, Shane, and Glenn were at the creek where Rick had her hide.

“Sure this is the spot?” Daryl asked. He and Rick were standing in the water, looking at the space behind the fallen trees' roots. “I left her right here. I drew the walkers way off in that direction up the creek,” Rick said. “Without a paddle - seems where we've landed,” Daryl commented. I was looking down at the ground at the footprints. “She was gone by the time I got back here. I figured she just took off and ran back to the group. I told her to go that way and keep the sun on her left shoulder.”

“Hey, short round, why don't you step off to one side? You're mucking up the trail,” I heard Daryl say and turn my head to see Glenn moving out of the way while he stepped back up onto the trail. “Assuming she knows her left from her right,” Shane said. “Shane, she understood me fine,” Rick argued. “Kid's tired and scared, man. She had her a close call with two walkers. Got to wonder how much of what you said stuck.” I rolled my eyes and looked at Daryl. “Daryl.” He walked over to me, and I nodded to the ground.

“Got clear prints right here. She did, like you said, headed back to the highway. Let's spread out, make our way back,” he said. Rick nodded his head, “She couldn't have gone far. Hey, we're gonna find her,” he said, mostly to Shane. Shane sighed, “She'll be tuckered out hiding in a bush somewhere,” he said. The tone of Shane's voice didn't settle right with me.

We walked along, following the small footprints until we came to a Y in the trail. “She was doing just fine till right here. All she had to do was keep going. She veered off that way,” Daryl said, hunched down closer to the ground. “Why would she do that?” Glenn asked. “Maybe she saw something that spooked her, made her run off,” I said. “A walker?” Glenn asked. Daryl stood up and shook his head, “I don't see any other footprints. Just hers.”

“So what do we do? All of us press on?” Shane asked. Rick stood there looking around, his hands on his hips. “No, better if you and Glenn get back up to the highway. People are gonna start panicking. Let them know we're on her trail doing everything we can. But most of all, keep everybody calm,” he said. Shane nodded, “I'll keep 'em busy scavenging cars. Think up a few other chores. I'll keep 'em occupied. Come on.” He and Glenn started their way back to the highway. Daryl, Rick, and I stayed and continued looking for any signs of Sophia.

[chaoticgoodlawyerwrites]

Preview for HOMD Chapter 10

Hey folks! I am very tired and still pretty sick but! I know not how to rest if I am physically able to work soooo. Let's just blame my capricron sun. But now we present! HOMD chapter 10! This is, again, a joint effort with @mocheng-gusto!

---

Shen Yuan was reminded of this last unfortunate fact as he turned off his fifth alarm and read the notification to his most recent message.

✂️: Don’t forget to bring a certain special someone to our date today~ 

Fuck. Shen Yuan had completely forgotten about that part.

Not about the lunch of course. Yesterday he had been psyching himself up to “meet the family”. He was nervous but not anxious as he was putting together the outfit Mei Kexin had specifically made him buy for this occasion.

And just then was when his package arrived.

Alright yes, he had to admit that after that all other thoughts had exited his brain like an emergency evacuation. But by then he was too out of it thinking of silicone heavenly pillars to do anything but the most mundane tasks to keep himself busy!

Nothing to do about that. Fortunately at some point in the past when he’d been more mindful he’d put enough alarms to make sure he’d wake up with plenty of time to get ready, so he had time for a thorough shower and a quick breakfast, but not for anything more.

He would’ve liked to go on a jog to free himself of any restless energy but… thinking about it, he didn’t think his body would be able to take the impact. 

His musings were interrupted by his phone pinging with two new messages.

✂️: And don’t even think you can get out of bringing your man 

✂️: Remember how much blackmail material I have and won’t hesitate to use ❤️ 

Right.

That was the detail he hadn’t accounted for so far. Luo Binghe couldn’t come for quite obvious reasons, and it wasn’t like he had any desires to fess up that he was dating, married, to a mind construct, but he had other options. He’d disappoint his friend and her girlfriend no matter what, but Shen Yuan didn’t want to completely ruin their afternoon. 

Good thing he had a Plan B in mind. The problem was that he never informed his Plan B of his participation in this ruse.

No time like the present! Shen Yuan called Shang Qinghua as he was getting rid of all the gross beddings and towels.

The call was picked up on the third ring. “Bro?”

“Free food.” Best to start with his strongest cards. “I’m inviting you to lunch, with plenty of leftovers to bring home.”

Shang Qinghua was silent for a few seconds. “… Are you bribing me?”

Technically. “Are you coming or not?”

“Aww, no need to be so shy about it bro. If you were feeling lonely you could’ve just said so!” Sensing Shen Yuan’s silence as an impatient one, Shang Qinghua was quick to add. “But sure, why not.”

Shen Yuan discreetly let out a sigh of relief. “I’m sending a Didi to your place. You have twenty minutes to get yourself decent and finish whatever you’re doing.”

Shang Qinghua mumbled. “Every day you’re becoming more like your brother.”

“What did you just say?”

“Nothing! Just send me the info and I’ll be down when it arrives.”

“Alright. I’ll meet you there.” 

“Whe–” Shen Yuan hung up before he was able to get the full word out. He had a couple of cars to order and a cold shower waiting for him.

-----------

Shen Yuan, because the shopping center was actually closer to downtown due to the somewhat upscale nature of the place, got there first. Shang Qinghua wasn’t too far behind, climbing out of the didi with eyes and something like fear on his face. “Bro, what the fuck?”

“Wardrobe,” Shen Yuan said before grabbing his friend’s arm and pulling him in, putting the little strength he had worked to build to use. “Don’t worry; I’m paying.”

“No shit you’re paying!” Shang Qinghua hissed. “I can’t afford to breathe in here. What the actual fuck is going on? Are you becoming my sugar daddy? Platonic, of course; love you but not like that, bro.”

“Tch, you wish. Besides, I’m straight. I’m just paying for stuff today so don’t question it.”

“What kind of lunch are we going to that apparently requires shopping?!” Shang Qinghua asked quietly, eyes darting from side to side as if a nervous herbivore. Shen Yuan locked eyes with a sales associate in the men’s section and, spotting a sale, the person discretely hurried towards them. “Oh, my God, are you taking me to lunch with your family!? Is Shen Jiu going to be there!?! Bro, I’m noping out of the free food offer if that’s the–”

“No, it’s not with my family, sheesh,” Shen Yuan said through clenched teeth before smiling at the sales associate. In a much more polite tone, he addressed them with, “Hi. My friend here needs appropriate semi-casual attire for brunch. We have a rather immediate deadline and would appreciate your assistance.”

“Of course, sir. If sir could please follow me…” Shang Qinghua was too polite to his fellow service worker to resist their urging, but he did throw Shen Yuan a dirty look as he left him alone. He watched from a distance to be sure that Shang Qinghua didn’t pick anything out that was ridiculous but otherwise left him to it, helpfully avoiding the questions his friend had about this ‘lunch’.

He would find out soon enough as it was.

[kyoongboxi]

Don't Come Closer —

[Baekhyun AU] #2

Summary; Pinelark is more than a small resident that offers its beauty and went viral on the internet. Pinelark is a place where folklore comes true, but you didn't realize until a magical creature caught your presence and you let them in.

Pairing; Baekhyun x Reader

Genre; werewolf au, romance, fluff, slight angst

——

one — two — three — four

The afternoon sun had been completely replaced by the darkness of the night. It was pretty quiet outside, you were settled on the couch with the TV and fireplace on. Eyes lazily staring at the screen as it becomes the only bright lights illuminated you because the clock showed its already past one a.m. so you must turn off the lights and get ready to sleep.

You decided that you choose to sleep on the couch starting from tonight and you don't know till when because you have a dog— not technically a dog— to take care of. It was laying on the wooden floor near the fireplace breathing heavily with both eyes closed. You gave him raw meat on the plate but you noticed it was still untouched.

You and Johnny were successfully treating his wounds and wrapped his legs with bandages. Johnny was so worried about you, he suggests that you leave the wolf to rest on your porch instead of bringing him inside but you insisted. And that is why your phone always rings every twenty minutes but it finally stops now. The man was finally drifted into the dreamland.

Humans gifted with fear so they need to be careful of every actions they choose or took. Your eyelids feel a little heavier so you took one last glance against the laying wolf before you lay down as well on the couch. Not forgetting the shotgun that was placed long on the coffee table.

You sleep peacefully until you wake up in a milky light of dawn because you heard the front door was being banged and scratched. The TV was already turned off because you put an off timer before you sleep. You sat up, rubbing your sleepy eyes but you heard another bang on the door.

"Goodness calm down— I'm coming!" You screamed, hoping its loud enough to hear for whoever someone at the door. "Dad is that you?"

Hearing no answer, you decided to bring your shotgun as you walked at the door for safety. Aiming it at your chest high until—

"Oh shit" Your body immediately froze as you saw the big ball of fur sitting at the door, currently staring at you. "Damn you healed fast"

"You won't hurt me, right? I helped you yesterday" The white-greyish wolf just continues to stare at you innocently but no matter how cute it looks, you still have a fear inside because there's no way you're this close with a beast in your own territory. And most importantly, how could you not notice when it walked to your door?

"What do you want? You wanna leave? You wanna go outside?" You keep asking the wolf, hoping that it understands what you are saying. You decided to lower your weapon, afraid that it might frighten him and the wolf might attack you because of that.

"Alright— I'll open the door but could you— could you please step aside a little bit?" You gestured with your free hand and surprisingly, the wolf understand.

"Okay— okay" With your heart starting to beat faster, you took a deep breath. Slowly taking several steps forward, eyes still glued to the wolf as you walked past it and opened the door in one swift movement.

You backed up your body pressed against the wall as the wolf limping past you outside, you held your breath, until it finally disappeared to the right and you closed the door right away. You finally exhaled, your body slipped into the floor because your knees gave up.

It was Saturday which means you will be having two days off from work and guess you will be doing nothing but stuck in the house, reading some books and watching some movies alone. Remembering it was still pretty much dawn, you got up into your feet. Using the shotgun for a support.

You walked back into the couch. Noticing the bowl filled by raw meat was empty and you smiled at the sight. You have always been dreaming to keep a dog since you were little but your dad won't let you because your mom is allergic. It just feels so nice that you just helped a wolf to heal.

Now you were back on the couch, thinking that you should probably go back to sleep. Your fingers reach out the blanket that was dropped to the floor and pull it up to your body. You were just about to close your eyes and drifted into the dreamland until you heard the door being scratched again.

"Oh— please. Don't tell me the wolf wants to go back inside.." You murmured to yourself as you stared at the ceiling, unsure if you should keep the door closed or let him in again.

But then you found yourself already at the door, peeping through the hole and the wolf standing outside. Curiously looking up hoping that the door would be opened in any second. "Should I let you in? I swear I'm scared.. I don't want something like 'A 26 year old female killed by a wolf she rescued' spreading on the news as the highlight.. What the hell"

With trembled hands, you pull the door knob open slowly with both hands, slowly revealing your presence behind the door into the wolf. "I'll— I'll let you in again but— don't hurt me. Alright?"

You pressed your back tightly against the wall as you let the wolf in. Your heart thumping loudly, ready to jump out of your ribcage in any second. When the wolf is limping past you, you closed the door and followed his steps quietly behind.

The wolf was back to its place near the fireplace. Laying down with the head rests against its palm. The wolf took a glance towards you as you arrived in the living room without lifting its head. "What? You want more food?"

Instead of lifting its head for a sign, the wolf closed both of its eyes and you sighed. Hesitantly slipping against the couch and laying down. Ready to go back into a slumber even though your heart still beats so fast. You suddenly remember that you saw a man who slept with a cheetah on the news and the man was fine until morning. Now it's your turn to sleep with a wolf.

Later that day, you woke up because your legs felt numb. The clock showed it was around eleven in the morning. You thought your legs were hanging off the end of the couch but the sight in front of you successfully caused you to let out a high pitched scream and jump out off the couch right away, landed on your butt.

"Oh my God! What— what are you doing?!"

The wolf is also startled because of you, eyes wide open and now it's the one dominating the couch. Staring at your directions with the weirdest expression ever.

[em-prentiss]

11? 15? 29? ❤️

Hi <3 I really had to put on my thinking cap for this lol

11. Describe your ideal day

I’m imagining this in the summer, because I love how one day can be so crammed with activity and the next can be completely quiet—and, of course, no academic work of any kind. Stress free bliss. Anyway, waking up around 11 ish when it’s still morning but veering into the afternoon and feeling perfectly rested. Breakfast in my own time and having a bit of time to read/ scroll on social media before hanging out with my cousins, talking endlessly and watching movies and eating little snacks (I love them so so much), spending the day with them until it’s night and I go back to my house, hang out with my family and listen to the talk while I write a little (I’d probably be hidden in a corner somewhere, hoping no one would peek over my shoulder lol), having dinner and then going to bed. In an absolutely perfect day, there would be a cat involved as well, somewhere.

15. Five most influential books over your lifetime 

I’d like to preface this by saying my lifetime has not been that long so far, and I’ve not branched out with my reading taste as much as I would like yet, so take this with a grain of salt 

-The invisible life of Addie larue by VE Schwab. It’s one I never expected to like, but the story and writing were just so beautiful to me; technically the book had no real plot, it was basically just vibes, but I love it so much and it’s heavily annotated by me, I’ve reread it countless times.

-Book lovers and beach read by Emily Henry which is technically two, but the same points could be used for them, which is that they show the soft, quiet kind of love that I hope to find one day—one that stems from knowing a person so deeply. I wouldn’t say they were influential exactly, but I really loved the both of them so much.

-The tell tale heart is technically not a book but it left me mind boggled for years and I still think about it even though it’s been years since I read it. Edgar Allan Poe is definitely something lol I’ve gotten two of his short story collections.

-The cruel prince by Holly Black single-handedly pulled me out of a years long reading slump that I’d refused to acknowledge as a reading slump because I’ve been reading ever since I was born, hello, how could I be in a reading slump? Proceeded to read 37 books that summer after I discovered it, so it’s really special to me <3

-I’m not really sure what to put last here, but I think the raven boys by Maggie Stiefvater is a reasonable one; while I was reading I suddenly realized how physically different the main character was from all the protagonists I’ve previously read about. It’s like it suddenly clicked that I’d been basically imagining the same person for all the books I read and this one forced me not to, because the character and her personality and physical appearance was so different from the others. So yeah <3

29. Three songs that you connect with right now 

Hmm, idk about connect with, but these are the songs I love with my whole heart 

-Heavenly by cas 

-The Alcott by The National ft Taylor Swift

-Nothing new by Taylor Swift ft Phoebe Bridgers

(And I really love I know the end by Phoebe Bridgers)

Honestly my music taste is one of the most basic things about me. It’s actually kind of embarrassing, but I don’t really like the process of going to search for music. If a song somehow makes its way to me and I get to listen to it, it goes on my list lol.

[a-very-fond-farewell]

Hello!! I'm very curious about the Far From the Madding Crowd draft (also I see that Auditors/Unicorn crossover) 👀

I am ashamed to report that the Far From the Madding Crowd project was mostly inspired by the movie rather than the book, but this didn’t stop me from reading the book after me watching it (for Researching™️ purposes 💪😤)... but my writing project never got to ch3 even ahah 🤣 mostly bc I wasn’t confident in my English and bc Hardy likes his fictional places too much and I got distracted learning about all the fancy names he used for his beloved Wessex.

so. it was supposed to be set after the end: Gabriel and Bathsheba manage to dig Boldwood out of prison through a royal pardoning and make him their gamekeeper.

since Boldwood has not being sentenced to death and was made to stay in “confinement during Her Majesty’s Pleasure” (so, technically, indefinitely) after claiming insanity, I figured he would have been sent in one of those forced labor prison quarries for debt-collectors (or something on those lines) known in the Victorian era to be awful places to be at the time. I researched the system of the allotted working hours a day to earn “tickets” to get out of prison, the eventual move to Australia for the luckier ones, how life was shaping up to be for someone getting out of prison etc...

I wanted to explore the concept of a land-owner turned prisoner as he struggles to find his way back to his hometown. the people who found a way for him to get out of prison are well-meaning, but they don’t know what he went through. it’s unheard of for a murderer like him to have been granted to leave prison too, so the people who used to work for him in the fields are wary of him now, new workers adding to the fuel of the rumors being spread about him.

moreover, I still wanted to show how the church usually was made to be in charge of a reintroduced criminal’s redemption, asking him to sing in the choir and do errands for the poor, forcing him to go to mass and then listen to Sunday lectures in the afternoon with the local children as if he were not an adult anymore. in this situation, Boldwood would have felt less than human, his mind spiraling back to his prison days, especially his first few years of confinement in isolation. so I would have liked for people who had known him for a long time to be kind and understanding to him despite the social stigma, while newcomers would have been less eager to be associated with him.

the married couple now handles both of the neighboring domanins, but the larger one is mostly empty for the majority of the time. Boldwood is made to live in a small cottage away from the rest of the townsfolk and the workers, so he is able to see his old house only occasionally, feeling like a ghost haunting it’s grounds when keeping watch. he cannot handle kindness anymore and feels out of place with new clothes and good food on his plate, his body arguing with him due to his new limitations.

feeling misguided anger towards the woman he went to prison for while feeling unworthy of her, Boldwood can’t stand the sight of her and only manages to interact with her husband due to his gentle and understanding nature, but he still cannot fathom why they have picked the smaller residence rather than the larger one to live in, or why they wanted him back to begin with. he feels mocked and wronged and lonely above else.

in truth, after getting their happy ending, the Oaks had started to feel guilty about living there while he rotted in prison, feeling indebted to him for freeing them from Troy’s poisoning presence in the past. they thought that bringing him back from his confinement would have eased their conscience, but they found themselves unable to handle his new temperamental nature and mood swings, only hoping to treat his newly acquired illnesses after years of forced labor as a way to welcome him back into their lives.

it was meant to be a healing journey through kindness and simplicity, while still eyeing the changing expectations of society at large with a focus on how even someone of the gentry like Boldwood would have struggled to be back into the world.. especially since he was not that well bred to begin with and only had barely enough connections to survive the death penalty. still a murderer, no matter the circumstances, Boldwood would try to atone for his sin by denying himself happiness, feeling guilty for having wished for love when that should have been precluded to him long ago.

I wanted it to be a mixture of Crime and Punishment and Elective Affinities, and if the poly agenda won in the end.. what then?? XD

but since it didn’t happen.. now I have a bunch of trivia about Victorian prisons to yap about to unsuspecting friends :D

[hotforharrison]

Life has been kind of crazy in the worst possible way this month.

It feels like so much more than 3 weeks since the day I filed for divorce on July 1, which was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I meant every word of my vows on that Thursday afternoon in September 2010 when my marriage began. I thought we were going to be each other's person for the rest of our lives, not for that to slip through my fingers because I was careless with his heart, and I can't put into words how deeply I regret it.

I never expected his embrace to hurt the way it does now, and the worst part of it is that he's the only one here to hug. He was the biggest source of my comfort for so many years, and even if he was here to hold me right now, it wouldn't be the same. What we had is completely gone.

It still kill me that I don't remember the last time we had sex, the last time we shared the bed we slept in together every night, and I woke up to him like I did so many times over the years.

He told me that we could have sex again on a friends with benefits basis, but I don't want to. It would destroy me.

Anyway, the power has been back on for a full week now after 8 days without in the godawful Texas summer heat, with only a few brief interruptions, mostly tonight when we had a thunderstorm.

We've spent the last week and a half, starting before the power even came back on, getting quotes from contractors for repairs for the extensive damages. The hurricane damages to the house I live in are in the tens of thousands of dollars.

(The house was downgraded from what was my home before my marriage ended because it feels like I'm surrounded by the devastating loss and ghosts of him and the love and life we shared for so long. It's agonizing just being here a lot of the time.)

We're not sure what the homeowners' insurance is going to cover for the repairs, which is terrifying, and we need to figure out how to work with FEMA if the insurance isn't helpful.

I'm also worried the HOA we're in will start giving us problems if we can't get the repairs done very quickly.

This month has been such shit in so many ways.

I desperately need my weekly counseling sessions, and my counselor cancelled this week. I've had only one of my weekly appointments this month due to cancellations and the hurricane, which is taking its toll on me.

In more positive and hopeful news, I had an appointment last Thursday with my job counselor at the state run employment program I was accepted into.

They'll pay fully for my schooling, textbooks, and supplies to get a degree or certificate from a local community college and offer job placement services after graduation.

I need a job I can do remotely, and I originally intended to pursue a year long certificate program in medical billing and coding. However, all of the local programs required on campus courses and capstones, which I cannot do.

I looked into every single fully online degree or certificate program that the local community colleges offered that aren't any longer than two years (my ex-husband agreed to let me stay here rent free for a few years while I get myself sorted) and settled on an Associate degree program in mobile/web application development.

I applied for the program today.

I wanted something with a decent level of job security, and I don't think phones are going anywhere. There's the possibility of freelance work on the side as well.

Considering and pursuing a career in technology is nothing new to me.

I went to a public university for an information technology program for 2 years after I graduated from high school, followed by a technical school for computer network operations for a year.

I never ended up working in the industry because it was saturated at my time of graduation, and they wanted me to have experience for an entry level position, which I found endlessly ironic.

I was told more than once by potential employers that I should have done an internship before I graduated to gain experience, which would have been fantastic to know while I was still in school and not with the days ticking down until I had to start repaying my student loans.

I desperately hope that I can transfer some of the roughly 20 year old credits over from the university I went to to cover the general education portion of the degree and maybe trim off a semester. (While technology absolutely has changed since the 2000s, some things haven't changed, like an introductory English or history course.)

[thruheavenandhighwater]

Pairing: Eddie Munson/ Female OC

Requested By: NA (inspired by this note by @eddieandbird)

Word Count: 4,264

Summary: It's been a few months since the prom. Faith and Eddie are still in the honeymoon early days of their relationship when the first speedbump pops up. Assumptions and almost miscommunications lead to anxiety and an important conversation.

Stranger Things Masterlist Eddie Munson Masterlist

Part Three of Leap of Faith Series Masterlist

~~~~~

It had been decided on Sunday night. When 7 o'clock rolled around and Faith began to gather her things. Eddie was on the edge of his bed, watching as she packed her things into her bag.

"I wish you could just stay forever," he whined as he fell back on the bed. 

"We both have to work tomorrow," she answered. 

"Okay, yeah, but work sucks. We could just stay in bed all day instead." 

"And where would that get us?" She asked with a laugh. "We gotta work and save up so we can get out on our own. Wayne is sick of me showing up every other day while he's trying to sleep." 

Eddie groaned loudly and crossed his arms over his eyes. "Is it really too much to ask that I get to be happy?" He asked out loud. "I just want to spend the rest of my life in bed with my super hot, super awesome girlfriend." 

She set her bag next to the bedroom door and walked back to the bed. She laid beside him, one arm stretching across his stomach. He moved his arms from his face, a wide smile growing as he wrapped her up in his arms. He pulled her tightly to his chest, as if her being across the small room for more than a second had been torture. 

"Well, your super awesome girlfriend needs to go home," she whispered into his shoulder. "She's tired and doesn't want to fall asleep at work tomorrow." 

"Just spend the night," he answered casually, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

She went rigid beneath his arm. If Eddie noticed, he didn't say as much. They'd been dating for a few months, becoming official the day after prom when Eddie called to tell her that he'd had a great time. Afternoon naps on the lumpy couch were nothing new, but they'd never spent the night together. The only times they were ever in his bedroom together were times that Wayne was home. But Wayne worked nights at the plant and was already gone for the evening. 

"I have to get up early," was the excuse she eventually landed on. "I don't wanna wake you up while I'm getting ready or something. Plus, I don't have any work clothes with me for tomorrow." 

He pulled her somehow closer to himself with a small, satisfied groan. "What about Friday?" He asked. 

"What about Friday?" 

"Well, neither of us work on Saturday, right? You could stay over on Friday and not have to worry about getting up early." 

She was quiet. Trying to filter through her thoughts to find a good reason to say no. It's not that she didn't want to stay with him. She did. Kind of. She liked these moments with him. She liked being close to him, feeling him all around her. She liked smelling his cologne on her shirt after they'd spent a few hours cuddled up together. But she knew what spending the night with a boyfriend meant. She'd heard all of her friends talk about it for the past few years. Girls were expected to do a little more than kiss if they spent the night. And that, she knew, she wasn't ready for. 

Eddie noticed her silence and interrupted her thoughts gently. "If you're worried about Wayne being home or whatever, he's technically supposed to have Fridays off but he usually picks up a shift since he gets paid double for working overtime." 

"I'm not worried about Wayne," she smiled into his chest. "Worried about you." 

"Me?" He asked, feigning offense. 

"Yes, you," she answered. "Who knows what you're gonna do once you've got me all alone in your bed all night." 

He giggled, a high pitched and sweet sound. He rolled onto his side to face her, his free hand landing on her hip. "Oh," he smiled. "Well, I'm obviously planning to ravage you for hours, of course." He smiled as he leaned towards her, still smiling as his lips met hers. She moved her hand from his stomach to his cheek, her fingers landing softly on his stubbled skin. 

"I gotta go," she whispered as she pulled away from the kiss just slightly. Eddie jutted out his bottom lip, a pitiful whimper sounding from his throat as he dark eyes pouted. 

She stood from the bed, his hand catching hers and holding it weakly. She smiled down to him as she freed the appendage. His pout fell in favor of a smile as he sat up straight. He reached forward, the space between his hands silently begging to be filled. She stepped towards him, his arms wrapping around her waist as hers circled his shoulders. 

"Walk me out?" 

"Always," he smiled. 

He stood from the bed and took her hand in his. As they passed through his bedroom door he bent slightly to retrieve her bag from the floor. He slung in over his shoulder and followed her through the door and down the narrow hallway. Once they were at her car, he allowed her to pull her hand from his to unlock the door, quickly opening the back door and dropping her backpack to the seat. 

“Call me when you get home?” He asked, his arms finding her waist once again. 

“I will,” she answered, placing her hands on his biceps.

He ducked just enough to catch her lips in another soft kiss before she took a step back. She sat down behind the wheel of her car, putting the key into the ignition and bringing the engine to life. Eddie leaned into her open window, crossing his forearms as his head breached the window. “Drive safe,” he instructed. She nodded and smiled as he leaned into the window further, one more kiss for the road before retreating and stepping away from the car. He raised one hand in a silent wave as she backed away from the house and started to make her way home. 

She’d called him as soon as she was home and finalized their plans for the following weekend. When she couldn’t come up with a good reason to say no, she thought that maybe there wasn't a good reason. Maybe she just had to say yes, spend the night, and deal with whatever that meant when the time came. But as the days wore on and their sleepover loomed closer and closer, she began to let herself worry. 

On wednesday Eddie called after work. He called most days, just to tell her about his day. About work and to playfully judge the music choices of the customers that came into the record store where he worked. But he was extra giddy when she answered today. 

“So, Wayne definitely picked up Friday,” he announced. His smile was evident as he spoke. “So we’re safe for the night. Don’t gotta worry about the old man ruining all the fun.”

Her palm began to sweat against the clear plastic of her bedside phone. She swallowed around nothing and tried to put on a fake smile, hoping that in his excitement he wouldn’t be able to hear her nerves through the phone. 

“That’s great,” she answered. “Guess there’s nothing to worry about, then?”

“Nope, we’re home free, babe.”

The rest of the phone call went as they usually did. Eddie talked about work and his coworkers, who he still wasn’t entirely sure liked him even after working with them all summer. She allowed herself to relax into her sheets as she told him about her own day at work. Waitressing was easy enough most days, but some days were hard. Some days brought in grumpy patrons who would use her as a verbal punching bag to relieve whatever stress they had going on. 

“Sounds like an asshole,” Eddie commented as she finished telling him about one guy in particular who must have been having an extra shitty day. “Sometimes I wish we lived together. You could come home to me and tell me all about those shitty people and I could make it all better.”

“And how would you make it all better?”

“Bubble baths and massages, obviously.”

She giggled, rolling over on top of her sheets as she got comfortable. “Massages, huh?”

“Full body, if the lady likes.”

“Okay, calm down over there, Munson,” she chastised. 

“Hey, don’t be mad at me when I can’t keep my hands off ya,” he giggled. “Not my fault you agreed to go out with me for some fuckin’ reason.”

And then, much too quickly, it was Friday. Today was the day. As she was finishing up her shift at work, she found herself almost wanting her last table to stay. She offered them desert and coffee, putting on her best customer service smile in hopes that it would be enough to convince them. But they refused. They all smiled and thanked her as she set their check on the table and walked away. Once they were gone and she was cleaning up the table, she noticed they’d left a really good tip. More than what she was used to or had expected. She pocketed her money, adding it to the wad of mostly singles in the pocket of her jeans and clocked out. 

Normally, if she had plans to go to Eddie’s after work, she could leave the diner and go straight there. She’d show up smelling like onion rings with the intention of showering once she was home. But tonight, she wasn’t going home. Tonight she was staying. Tonight she was nervous. 

She went home and headed straight for the shower. She spent probably way too long beneath the stream of hot water. She felt her nerves growing in her stomach as she rinsed shampoo from her hair. They grew tenfold as she dragged the pink disposable razor up her legs. 

She grabbed her backpack from its hook on the back of her bedroom door and threw it haphazardly on the bed. She worked quickly, taking deep breaths as she dried her body and dressed for the evening. Well, the first part of the evening. Her fingers fidgeted and flexed against her palms as she began to pack for the second part of the evening.

What was she supposed to wear to bed? Normally, in her own bed, it was simple. An old t shirt and whatever pants were most comfortable. If it was cold, thick cotton pajamas. If it was warmer, shorts or just panties. But tonight was different. She felt a strange sense of urgency as she rifled through her drawer of pajamas. Should she go for cute over comfort? The only things in the drawer that could be considered cute was a matching set her mother had given her for her last birthday. They looked nice on her, but they were stiff and kind of itchy. She eventually decided against cute. She was already feeling slightly uneasy about staying the night with Eddie, there was no reason to make herself even more uncomfortable by forcing herself into the itchy pajamas. An old shirt from her family vacation to Tennessee the year before and a pair of cotton shorts would have to do. 

She packed a change of clothes for the morning and her pajamas into her backpack. She looked down at the clothes and felt her nerves flare up again. She closed her eyes and took two deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself. It was fine. She would be fine. She liked Eddie, loved him even though neither of them had said it yet. She liked being with him. One more deep breath, in through her nose and out through her mouth, and she felt a little better. She left the backpack open on her bed and made her way to the bathroom down the hall. She grabbed her hairbrush, her toothbrush, and a few other essentials. 

Once her bag was packed she said goodbye to her parents, reminding them that she wouldn’t be home tonight. Her mother wore a look of concern but said her own goodbye anyway, reminding her to be safe. She nodded, closing the door behind her. 

She gripped her steering wheel tightly when she parked behind Eddie’s van. Her gaze was fixed on his crooked license plate as she tried to talk herself out of leaving. A part of her wanted to pull away and go back home. She could call Eddie and tell him that she’d suddenly fallen ill and had to stay home. But she couldn’t do that, not really. They’d probably heard her pull in, her tires disrupting the gravel of the driveway and announcing her arrival. She took a deep breath and grabbed her bag from the passenger seat. She gave herself a quick pep talk as she swung her door open. Just go inside, Faith. Quit being a baby. 

Eddie answered the door with a bright smile. His long hair was pulled back into a low, loose ponytail. He stepped away from the door, his arm raised as she walked past him into the living room. Wayne was standing at the stove in the small kitchen, stirring something in a pot that smelled great. 

“You, my dear, have excellent timing,” Eddie smiled as he took her bag from her. “We’re just finishing up dinner.”

He kissed her temple quickly before disappearing with her bag down the hallway. She greeted Wayne with a smile, standing somewhat awkwardly in the living room.

"Hope you're hungry, kiddo," Wayne smiled before turning his attention back to the stove. 

Eddie came back to the kitchen, pulling on an oven mitt and shooing Wayne away from the stove. He opened the oven door and the scent of garlic filled the small space. 

Neither man would accept her offers to help set up for family dinner. She sat in a chair that Eddie had pulled up the table specifically for her and watched as they worked. Eddie grabbed glasses from a cabinet while Wayne scooped healthy portions of spaghetti onto three plates. While Eddie was filling the glasses with soda from the fridge, Wayne was adding steaming garlic bread to each of the plates on the counter. 

“This smells so good,” she commented when Wayne sat her plate in front of her. 

“Old family recipe,” he answered with a small smile. 

It tasted as wonderful as it smelled. Even better, maybe. She always loved family dinners with Eddie and Wayne. No matter what was on the menu or how little time they actually had to eat before Wayne had to hurry off to work. These dinners with them were always special to her. And she knew they were special to Eddie, too. 

Before she knew it, they were cleaning up. Wayne packed up some of the leftovers into a plastic bowl, putting them into his old lunchbox to take to work. He pulled on his work boots and grabbed the lunchbox from the counter. 

“Have a good night,” she called softly over her shoulder from where she stood at the counter. 

“Goodnight, Faith. You kids behave,” Wayne smiled as he stepped through the door. He always said the same thing before leaving for the night. Usually, she’d giggle and not really think about it. But tonight her giggle was forced and she felt herself begin to get nervous again as she washed her plate and handed it over to Eddie to be dried. She hoped he wasn’t picking up on her uncertainty. 

When all the dishes were finished and put away, the two got comfortable beneath a blanket on the couch. Eddie put on a movie and while it played she was able to forget that this wasn’t just any other night with her boyfriend. 

She felt herself begin to doze off against his shoulder as the movie crested its climax. The characters on screen had eluded certain death, or so it seemed. Eddie noticed her eyelids growing heavy as she struggled to keep them open. 

"Wanna go to bed?" He asked quietly, running a gentle hand up her arm. She nodded sleepily and pulled herself away from him, stretching her arms over her head. 

As they entered Eddie's bedroom she was suddenly wide awake. He grabbed a pair of plaid pajamas from a drawer of his dresser and announced that he was gonna shower. "Get comfy, babe," he whispered, kissing her cheek before leaving. 

When she heard the bathroom door click shut she relaxed, her shoulders falling from where they had been tensed nearly up to her ears. She listened for the sound of the shower. Once the knobs squeaked on and the water began to run she started to dress for bed. She sat her backpack on the unmade bed in front of her and pulled her pajamas from the open bag. 

There was a moment, just a brief second, that she second guessed her choice in outfit for the evening. Maybe she should have chosen the cute, itchy pajamas instead. But she shut that down quickly. Eddie liked her. He wouldn't care that her pajamas didn't match. 

Eddie was true to his word that his shower would be a quick one. She was getting comfortable beneath his comforter when he stepped into the room. He was rubbing at his wet hair with a towel, a smile on his face. 

"Now, there's a sight I could definitely get used to," he told her, dropping the damp towel to the floor. 

"And what sight is that?" She asked with a smile. "Me looking like a bum in my pajamas?" 

"My favorite girl all comfy in my bed," he answered. His gaze fell to the floor in front of him, the softest pink blush crawling over his cheeks. "I like that you're not in a rush to get home. We got all night together." 

"Yup," she agreed, forcing a smile. "All night." 

He crawled into bed beside her, settling beneath the comforter. "Why ya all the way over there?" He asked, eying her as she sat at the far edge of the bed. "C'mere. I need to be cuddled or I'll die." 

"I don't think you'll die." 

"Are you really willing to risk it?" 

"I guess not," she answered, trying to hide her smile as she shuffled closer to him. 

"She guesses not," he scoffed, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and holding her tight to his chest. "She guesses she'll save my life. Thanks, babe. It's nice to know you care so much." 

"If I kiss you, will you stop being dramatic?" 

"Only one way to find out," he shrugged. 

Kissing him did stop the dramatics. Turns out it was hard for even Eddie Munson to be obnoxious while his lips were otherwise occupied. And man, was he a good kisser. She liked that about him. He was always the perfect mix of gentle and firm. He didn't slobber all over her like previous guys had. And he made these soft, sweet little noises in his throat when he got excited. Kissing him was fun.  

As their kisses began to deepen and the atmosphere became intense, she noticed him shifting. Before she knew it, he was more or less on top of her. His bare chest pressed to her, one of knees between her thighs as he held himself up with one hand planted into her pillow beside her head. 

His free hand roamed down her side, settling on her hip. She felt his calloused fingertips dip beneath the hem of her shirt. His hands were warm against her skin but she felt goosebumps sprout across her body. His lips traveled across her cheek and down her neck. She tangled her hands into his hair, earning a low groan from him when she tugged at his hair. That low groan served to suddenly bring her back down to earth. She suddenly realized as if for the first time that he was on her. 

She removed her hand from his hair and placed it on his shoulder. "Baby," she whined as his tongue slipped through his lips, leaving a wet strip on her neck. "Baby, slow down." 

"I'm puttin' in some of my best work here, babe," he giggled. When he looked up to her, he saw the worried look on her face. The way her brows furrowed. The unsure look in her eyes. He moved his hand from her hip, placing it softly against her cheek. "Hey, I'm just messin' with ya. We can stop."

"I'm sorry," she sighed, looking away from him. 

"For what?" 

She sighed again, still looking at the Anthrax poster on the wall over his shoulder. She felt tears pricking painfully behind her eyes. Shame started to fill her chest heavily. Eddie moved, laying beside her and pulling his hands away from her. 

"Talk to me?" He asked quietly. 

"It's just," she started, bringing a hand to her forehead. "I know what's supposed to happen tonight. What you're probably expecting, but I just don't know if I'm ready." 

"And what is it that you think I'm expecting." 

She looked almost sad when she finally looked over at him. She took a moment to collect herself before she finally spoke again. 

"I know that spending the night means I'm supposed to put out. But that's a big deal for me, okay? I've never done that before and I just don't-" 

He cut her off when he recognized the beginnings of a ramble. "Hey, woah woah woah. Faith, baby, calm down," he told her softly. "I don't expect that just because you're staying over. I'm not some bad dude like everyone says I am." 

Her heart plummeted to her knees. She knew how people in town talked about Eddie. How they all saw him. She also knew that they were all full of shit. None of the people that liked to talk about Eddie really even knew him. She never wanted to make him feel like that. 

"No, baby, I know you're not." 

"Then why are you acting like I'm-" he stopped himself. His eyes fell closed. "Okay, wait, is all this because I told you I was gonna ravage you last weekend?"

She couldn't answer, not trusting her voice in the moment. When she didn't speak he opened his eyes to find her barely nodding her head. He placed his hand on her cheek once again. Her eyes closed as she reached up to wrap her own fingers around the back of his hand, pressing his palm into her cheek. 

"Listen, I definitely do want to do that with you. But like, someday. Not right now. Okay?" 

She opened her eyes again and saw the soft, sweet smile she'd fallen in love with. The one that she was pretty sure nobody but her ever got to see. The one that reminded her of prom night when he'd shown up in his old van to pick her up. The night his hands shook as they slow danced together in the banquet room of a hotel. 

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly. 

"I'm okay."

"You sure? 'Cause if you're not, you can go home and I'll call you and tell you about my day just like normal. Promise I won't be mad." 

"I don't want to go home," she whispered as she moved closer to him. "I want to stay and I want to wake up next to you. And I want to go get pancakes in the morning." 

"Yeah?" He asked with a smile. 

"Yeah," she nodded, resting her head against his chest.

"I think we can do that." He whispered, his lips in her hair as he thanked the universe for Faith before planting a soft kiss to the top of her head.

~~~~~

When Wayne got home the next morning he was surprised to see Faith's car parked behind Eddie's van. He checked the clock on the dash. Barely 5 in the morning. He never knew his Eddie to be awake before 10 for any reason other than work, and he obviously wasn't at work.

He was even more confused when he opened the front door to find an empty living room. He toed off his work boots next to her sneakers by the front door and walked down the narrow hallway to the back. He cracked open Eddie's bedroom door just enough to peek his head in. 

The first thing he saw was Faith. She was sleeping soundly, her mouth open just slightly against the pillow as she faced him. Behind her, he saw Eddie. Or rather, Eddie's hair. A mess of dark brown curls behind her head. He noticed Eddie's forearm and hand sticking out from beneath her pillow, the other wrapped around her waist over the blanket. 

He couldn't help but smile to himself as he tried to close the door as quietly as he could. He walked into the living room and began to make up his own bed. He shook his head, a smile still on his face as he laid out the blanket and stole a throw pillow from the couch. He wasn't sure if he liked the idea of them being together all night unsupervised. But he did like Faith. He liked that Eddie had finally found a nice girl. Someone to make him happy. As he made himself as comfortable as possible on his fold out bed, he couldn't help but to wonder if anyone had actually given Eddie the talk. He sighed to himself, hoping that it would be less awkward than he thought it would be. 

~~~~~

Feedback is always appreciated! Requests are open! Have a great weekend! 🥰

If you'd like to be tagged in my Stranger Things fics, please let me know. I also have individual tag lists for Steve, Eddie, Robin, Nancy, and Steddie. Requests are open for Eddie and Faith!

Tag List: @redwineanddnicotine @renaissan-vvitch

Eddie Tag List: @littlemiss-yeehaw @protecteddiemunson4vr @tayhar811

[polizwrites]

PoliZ's WIP Update - 1 Nov 2023

A surprisingly strong  week -  but will probably be slowing down for the rest of the month due to Real Life Stuff.  I touched 3  fics (1 WIP & 2 new works)  for a total of  2247 words, about half of which was on one fic .

On Ao3, I posted: 

Carving Out Time Together - Pre-slash one-shot with Tony & Bucky spending time together on the seasonal activity, 

Chapter One of  Recessive Traits - a Werewolf!Tony fic featuring  Howard Stark’s A+ parenting  (and found family).

On Tumblr I posted: 

A Close Call - a pre-war mutual pining Stucky ficlet 

I have  21 semi-active WIPs  😬 with my  current  deadlines being  the WinterIron Bingo which wraps on 16 Dec and Stucky’Verse Bingo which wraps on 22 Dec.  

See  below cut for what I’m working on/planning to work on - arranged more or less by bingos/challenges/etc.  As always, feel free to send me   prompts or plot bunnies as well as asks regarding  any of these projects  or any other WIPs I’ve got out there.   Interaction really helps feed the Muse and keep me motivated!

Seek & Destroy Collab

After reading @psychiccatpanda‘s amazing   Morguna and the Green Queen, I  got the itch to explore the Soldier’s POV and talked  Faustie into   collab’ing with me!  We’re working on a new part of the series, and I’ve  contributed about 900 words towards the  2500-ish we have so far.   Going to see if I can squeeze any of my BBB squares into this fic.

Halloween Horror Bingo - [HHB_23] (unofficial end 31 Oct 2023)

This bingo is still technically active, but as of this morning I qualify for a B column bingo, so am not sure if I’ll try for any other squares at the moment.     

* B1 - Dealing with Extreme Cold  -  Posted  A Close Call to Tumblr - it crosses over with my BBB Cold  and  SVB Last Resort  squares along with the Whumptober: Delirium  prompt and came in at 817 words.  It’s less spooky and more whumpy, but hopefully still qualifies. 

* B2 - Getting Blood Samples  -  Posted the first chapter of Recessive Traits on the 29th -  It’s a crossover with my TSB  Animal Transformation square  as well as  Whumptober Troubled Past Resurfacing | “What happened to me?”  and Flufftober Soothing Touch prompts. Tony becomes a werewolf due to   Howard Stark’s A+ parenting, featuring found family before (and after) the Avengers.  The chapter came in at 934 words and chapter two is sitting at 94 with a possible third chapter to wrap things up.   

* B3 - Dealing with an Extraterrestrial   swapping in my Alt1 completed prompt:  A Hairy Situation  - No Powers WinterHawk werewolf fic. 

Fictober/Flufftober/Whumptober - [FFWtober_23] (Ends 31 Oct 2023)

I’m lumping these three prompt challenges together as I plan on mixing and matching with a goal of using at least four prompts from each list by the end of the month for a total of 12 prompts.  I made it to eleven total prompts used with one more I’d like to do – so am pretty happy with that result. 

* Whumptober Day 2: Delirium  - see  HHB Dealing with Extreme Cold 

*Fictober Day 3:  "Okay, show me."  Filled with A Falcon Turned Phoenix - a post TFaWS Sam Wilson & Joaquin Torres ficlet.  

* Flufftober Day 6: Corn Maze - filled with An A-maze-ing Afternoon - a Tony Stark/Stephen Strange bit of seasonal fluff. 

* Fictober Day 9: "I wouldn't do that if I were you." - filled with Lessons Learned  - a Sam Wilson/Clint Barton meet cute ficlet. 

* Fictober Day 12: "I'm not saying I didn't like it."  Posted  a short Chapter 2  for   Caught By the Rain and Blinded by the Lightning  as a crossover with my  TSB Pairing: Tony/Thor square. 

* Whumptober Day 15: Makeshift Bandages | Suppressed Suffering  –  see HHB  There’s something under the bed  above. 

* Fictober Day 20:  “This better be good”  and  Flufftober Day 20: Pumpkin   Filled with  Carving Out Time Together which combines these prompts with my  TSB  Holiday Fic and  WIB   Pumpkin squares and the Flash Fiction Friday prompt  By Candlelight  - it’s a bit of  pre-slash Tony & Bucky spending time together  making jack-o-lanterns.    

* Fictober Day 23:   "No, you won't understand, ever." Tweaked the prompt a bit and combined it with my  WIB Unreliable Narrator  and BBB Never the Fall that Kills You squares for  Cutting the Strings  - where Tony intervenes a bit to help recovering!Bucky get some breathing room from Steve.  It came in at  740 words and will post on  Ao3  sometime before the bingos finish.     

* Fictober Day 27:   "I don't know if they will accept this."  - This could be a fun combo with TSB  T2 - KINK: Cock-blocking 'bots. 

* Flufftober Day 28:  Soothing Touch see HHB  Getting Blood Samples above.  

*Whumptober #29:  Troubled Past Resurfacing | “What happened to me?”  see HHB  Getting Blood Samples above.  

WinterIron Bingo  - [WIB_R1]   (Ends 16 Dec 2023)

I have nineteen  fills completed and two WIPs for this brand-new bingo event that I’m helping mod!  Along with crossfilling against my other bingos,  I’m going to try to combine my B column squares for the Iron Soldier badge (complete a bingo with a single work). – Alpha Tony Stark, “That was not my intention.”, James Rhodes, Alpine loves Tony and Blind date.   (Tony POV remix of A Sugar Coated Pill?)

* N1 - Bucharest –  I think I can fold this into a future chapter of My Love is Vengeance -  where a young!Tony and a recovering!Bucky have been kidnapped by Hydra, who still thinks Bucky is the Soldier.  

* N4 - Unreliable Narrator - see FFWTober Day 23 

* G2 - Eye contact during sex - Posted  Chapter 6 of A Sugar-Coated Pill, last Friday,  where Bucky figures out what making love really means, with Tony’s help. It crossed over with BBB KINK: Gentle Sex and came in at 1177 words

* G4 - AU: College Students – looking to expand Beaten to the Punch with some backstory on Bucky and Tony as science camp counselors to fit with this square - will also cross over with my WFB  Volunteering Together square.  

* O5 - Gentle – use this poem  as inspiration?

* Oct Adoptable - Pumpkin  – see  FFWTober  Day 20.  

Stucky’Verse Bingo Round 1 - [SVB_R1]   (Ends 22 Dec)

Twelve  fills, three  WIPs and a couple of ideas.

* A1 - Harem - crossover with CABB Secret/Forbidden Relationship - Bucky and shrimpy!Steve are both concubines who love each other more than their lord. I poked at this a little for 71 words.

* A5 - Haunted Hotel -  combining with my SRB - Darcy Lewis &   pJBB B1 - Ask the neighbor if they know why your apartment is haunted squares for A Kindly Word in Grief’s Dark Hour  featuring modern!Bucky (kind of?)   and ghost!Steve.  It’s sitting at 1178 words and I plan to post on Friday as a belated Spooky Season fic.  

* A4 - Fairy Tale Curse  - this seems custom-made for a continuation of Beyond the Beast😁  Nothing written yet, other than some Vague Ideas.  

* C3 - FREE -  probably using this for Chapter 2 of   Half of the Flesh and Blood That Makes Me Whole   - a Bucky POV remix of at least the first part of Take What Was Wrong (And Make it Right), which is currently sitting at  52 words.  I’m expecting at least one more chapter, possibly two, depending on how far I want to take the remix.   

* C5 - Last Resort - see HHB Dealing with Extreme Cold 

Bucky Barnes Bingo  - [BBB_R5]   (Ends 10 Jan 2024)

I’ve got  sixteen fills,  four WIPs,   and a couple more Vague ideas.

* B2 - KINK: Seduction Mission - See SWB  Natasha Romanoff above.  

* B5 - Cold - see HHB  Dealing with Extreme Cold

*  U1 - Never the fall that kills you -  See FFWTober Day 23. 

* U3 - Fireplace -  Working on a 1980′s No Powers WinterIron fic set at a ski lodge where Tony’s being wooed by poetry and love letters that Bucky wrote to someone else.   Started poking at this as a crossover with a Love Letters prompt and it’s sitting at 129 words.

* C2 - Yelena Belova–   The plan is to use this prompt in the next chapter of Peresmešnik,  (aka Three Avengers and a Baby), which is currently sitting at 1303 words (600-ish of which are mine).

* C5 - Marriage of Convenience/Pretend Couple -  next chapter of   Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion.    Got a spark of an idea the other day that might get me a bit further on this fic.  

* K3 - Magic -  Aro!Bucky healing with a kiss idea?

* K4 - Accidental villany - the BBB Discord party resulted in a hilarious Mob AU communal story  (mobster!Bucky & clueless!Steve plus Clint&Natasha&Scott shenanigans)   that several of us did/are going to contribute to Rashomon-style.  

Original plan was to squish this fill  into  Somewhere to Turn when I posted it to Ao3 

* Y1 - Gentle Sex – In-progress Chapter 6 of Sugar-Coated Pill- see WIB Eye Contact During Sex.

* Y3 - Alpine  - see WIB Iron Soldier combo.

* Y4 - Forgotten Things -   using this for Chapter 4 of   You Can’t Stop It With a Gun  - it’s sitting at  116 words at the moment.

* Y5 - "This might as well happen"  - see  HHB  Something Under the Bed above.

* May Adopted - Insomnia - finally got this filled with The Dead of Night, which also filled a Flash Fiction Friday prompt [#FFF211 An Old Friend] along with my JBB FREE square. It came in at 317 words and will post to Ao3 before this event ends.

* August Adopted: Take the Shot - sounds like a WinterHawk fic to me… maybe cross over with JBB Touch-starved?  Whumptober/Fictober possibilities as well. 

Tony Stark Bingo Round 7  - [TSB_R7]   (ends 15 Feb)

Fifteen   fills and one WIPs, with a couple of ideas in play.  

* S1 - Galaxy - possibly use in final chapter of   Never More to Go Astray ?  

* S3 - Pairing: Tony/Thor - see Fictober Day 12 above. 

* T2 - KINK: Cock-blocking 'bots - see Fictober Day 27 above

* T3 - A pairing you've never done - @SomeSortofItalianRoast and I are looking at collabing on a  Steve/Tony/Scott fic - possibly throw in a  Flufftober/Fictober prompt?  

* T5 - Shawarma - possible crossover with SAUB Canon Divergence – Battle of New York-related?

* A2 - KINK: Concubine - possible crossover with SAUB Gentle Dom

* A5 - Building your friends - used this for the Tony Stark Bingo Mark VII - September Round Robin - contributed 395 words to the overall fic.    

* R1 - Animal Transformation -  see HHB Getting Blood Samples

* R5 - Doppelganger/Evil Twins -   The Flash Fiction Friday prompt [#FFF214 Broken Mirror] got me at least a good start on the idea I’ve been playing with for this square. I posted NamNori on Tumblr and have a general idea of how I want to build on it to also fill my SAUB AU: Crack square. It’s currently sitting at 360 words.

* K4 - Holiday Fic - see FFWTober Day 23 above 

* September Adopted:  Tony/Stephen - see  Flufftober Day 6 above

Stony AUniverse Bingo  [SAUB_R1] (ends 15 Feb)

Another brand-new bingo I’m helping co-mod!   Six fills, three WIPs and several  crossover ideas already!

* S1 - Edging - Filled this with Ringing in the New, where Tony makes a suggestion to improve/change up their love life. It’s a crossover with a Flash Fiction Friday prompt: How Do You Use ‘It’? and came in at 324 words - I will post it to Ao3 before the event is over.

* S2 - AU: Crack - see TSB   Doppelganger/Evil Twins

* S3 - AU: Wings - see SVB FREE square

* S5 - Accidental Baby Acquisition - see BBB Yelena Belova

* T1 - AU: Fantasy -  CoffeeOwl shared a really cool dragon!Steve/indebted!Tony prompt in the ACB Discord server that I may be playing with for this.

* T4 - AU: Canon Divergence - see TSB Shawarma above.

* N2 - Mutual Pining - crossover with CABB Royal Knight?

* N3 - Gentle Dom - see TSB KINK: Concubine above

* Y4 - AU: Soulmates  -  @chrissihr  posted a cool idea about Animated soulmarks, where  only your SM sees your mark move - may try to do something with this!  

Captain (America) Bottom Bingo - Round 2 [CABB] (ends 28 Feb 2024)

I signed up for a 3x3 card for this bingo and have four fills, one WIPs and a couple of crossover ideas.

* A2 - Secret/Forbidden Relationship - see SVB Harem

* B3 - Royal Knight - see SAUB Mutual Pining.

Post July Break Bingo  [JBB_23p] (Ends Apr 2024)

@julybreakbingo is running another event to tide participants over with a 2x3 non-fandom-specific card - still working on  potential crossovers.

* A1 - “It’s you. It’s always been you.” - This might fit in with my TSB Doppelgangers/Evil Twins fill NamNori above :: ponders::

* B1 - Ask the neighbor if they know why your apartment is haunted  -  see SVB  Haunted Hotel 

* B2 - Character’s personality is split into two different beings – I’ve never played with Bucky & the Soldier being two different people, but this seems like the perfect opportunity! Will see what might be a good crossover on BBB or WIB (or even SVB)

*  C1 - Touch Starved – another good fit for a Bucky-centric fic. (Steve or Tony or Clint) possibly crossover with BBB Take the shot?

Steve Rogers Bingo - Round 3 [SRB_R3] (ends  15 Jun 2024)

Got my card and requested a few swaps - need to ponder possible crossovers, especially with SAUB, SBV   & CABB  

* C5 - Exes to Lovers  - crossover with  CABB - "B1 - "All I wanted was for you to be happy."  – Bucky or Tony as the Ex?   SAUB S4 - Arranged Marriage  might be an additional crossover  

* D1 - Multiple Submissives -  crossover with  CABB - C3 - Bath/shower sex  and SAUB  Y1 - Pre-Serum Steve Rogers?  

* E1 - Darcy Lewis - See SRB A5 - Haunted Hotel 

Warm and Fluffy   Bingo  - [WFB]   (no end date)

I got my card from  @warmandfluffybingocards back in February but really haven’t done much with it  - however, I’m picking it back up for some crossover possibilities!

 * O5 - Volunteering Together – see WIB AU: College Students

————

On  other creative fronts:  I am working on a Spider-Man Stuffed With Character figure for a commission and am waiting to hear back from my  Marvel Trumps Hate  auction winners - I’ll be making either five or seven figures total (depending on whether my second-place person wants in)   

If  you’re looking for one of a kind gifts for birthdays or other celebrations, check  out Stuffed With Character    over on Facebook for a full list of my designs (now over 150!).   These soft stuffed figures are  mostly Marvel and monsters, but I have some Star Wars, Star Trek, DC   and Disney figures as well. Plus I love to take custom design   requests  for any fandom!

[benjaminsblog]

No-vember

November suddenly got very busy for me. In the space of a week, I was thrust into three new roles – Rugby League, Europa League & Saudi Pro League (the latter two are football). I generally enjoy adding strings to my bow, but it was not a stress-free experience; due to the quick change-up in my chart, I was not afforded a whole lot of time to fully acclimatise to each position. And although they are not a million miles away from similar roles I have performed, each of them has different requirements, and sometimes – bizarrely – different buttons for the same graphic even if it’s the same sport! Thus, I could not get through the jobs on muscle memory alone, and as a result I felt a lot less comfortable than I normally do in the hotseat.

However, as a tenured operator of 5+ years I knew the task(s) was not beyond me. I travelled to Leeds for a double-header of international Rugby League friendlies and performed as solidly as the home team(s); in a mismatch of huge proportions, England Women pasted the Welsh 82-0 before the men’s team saw off the challenge of a far more competitive Samoan side, winning 34-16. The latter was a fantastic watch, and even in an unfamiliar role, I was able to enjoy it while I worked.

Another trip op narth to the red half of Manchester followed, and a first visit to one of the UK’s most famous stadiums, Old Trafford (A.K.A. The Theatre of Dreams). I didn’t get a chance to wander around the ground, but it was still cool to see it and tick another sporting sight off my list. Due to some sudden technical issues originating from back home at the office, it threatened to become The Theatre of Screams, but the team worked overdrive to fix things in time for kick-off. Manchester United welcomed PAOK (A.K.A. Panthessaloníkios Athlitikós Ómilos Konstadinoupolitón) for some late-night footie, and although it was a far cry from the European nights of yesteryear, the Red Devils eventually got over the line 2-0 against their Greek guests. I also kept a clean sheet in the van.

No rest for the wicked as I continued to cover the miles at a rapid rate, driving back down the following morning to be in situe at Stockley Park for an afternoon Saudi match (operated remotely). I visit SP about once a year for the odd Premier League match, which isn’t regularly enough to feel entirely at home anyway, but for some reason my feelings of discomfort are exacerbated here. It also doesn’t help that each time I visit I end up working with new faces – another minor struggle for Mr Wallflower over here.

I had the least prep time for this job too, so when my first proper mistake of the week came (animating the wrong team’s lineup over the arrivals shots), it felt somewhat inevitable. It was an avoidable one, and it took me a while to shake off the negative feelings, but I made it through the rest of the show unscathed.

I escaped SP as soon as I could and bade good riddance to a trialsome week. I abhor feeling unprepared and always like to do my due diligence, but as that wasn’t entirely possible my aim was simply to survive it. I suppose overall I did, but ending on the lowest note isn’t a good feeling. A stint of snooker is up next (up north once again), so at least I can retreat to my safe space for a little while.

[companionwolf]

BTHB prompt fill #3 - doesn't realize they've been injured

Fandom: technically the Delta Green TTRPG; its from the setting of the my DG-esque solo game Operation Summer Afternoon, during the incident with the returned missing persons' support group. Written from the POV of Kaden, an old!K-Cell agent NPC assisting the new!K-Cell PCs.

Summary: Kaden struggles with what isn't Reese anymore.

Kaden's overtaken before he can mount a counter-defense, feels himself hit the ground hard, followed by his head striking the concrete.

His vision cuts out--

Reese, or what was Reese, is on top of him a second later when he can see again, has hands around the old K-Cell agent's throat, squeezes with inhuman strength. Kaden feels blood somewhere, realizes quite suddenly that it's his, trickling down the back of his head and pooling on the concrete.

He scrambles uselessly, trying to reach for his pistol, thrashing more than anything. A gunshot erupts over the two, and hazily, the agent is aware that the officers who've arrived on scene are engaging. He's not sure that's a good thing.

Another bullet fires, clips Reese in the shoulder. The not-kid hisses at the officer but keeps their hands around Kaden's neck, continuing to squeeze. He can't breathe, he can't, he can't--

Kaden's dizzy, the world's spotted with black. He jerks his head forward, slams the top of it up under Reese's chin, and manages to knock them back just enough to be able to reach up and pry off one of their hands. The world spins; Kaden strains, manages to get up onto an elbow and, with the other hand, rams a fist into Reese's nose. It cracks audibly; he goes for a second hit.

There's no blood, just as there wasn't when Kaden shot him before. Reese should be dead, and yet here they are, an animated corpse.

Something behind Reese moves, snaps through the air; it's Kelsey slamming her pistol into the back of Reese's skull so hard and fast Kaden can hear it split. The kid slumps, still, bloodless.

Kelsey's standing over Kaden now; he lies there, staring up at her as she's haloed by the sun, and for a moment, he thinks it's love in his chest.

Probably just oxygen deprivation, he realizes after a moment, and takes her hand as she helps haul him to his feet.

He can't speak just yet, only draw in gasps of air, gingerly touch his neck with his free hand-- he winces at his own fingers pressing the brusies, then presses a hand to the back of his head. It comes away red and wet.

"Everyone freeze," yells one of the officers. "Don't move."

Kaden would laugh, if it wouldn't hurt to. Kelsey nudges him forward, but he's disoriented, standing there wheezing and trying to keep his wits about him.

In the pause one of the officers fires at them, misses as Kaden finally moves and hurriedly tails Kelsey, stumbling a little. He isn't sure how they manage to get to a tunnel entrance, avoid the police that are swarming the area.

When he reach the living quarters, Kelsey sits him down and gets to work.

Kaden does what she asks, some stupid vision tests, vaugely understands when she says he's concussed. He mumbles something at her about the others. She brings him to the back corner of the living quarters, where it's darker, quieter.

He stares down at the ice pack she's handing him. "The others," he repeats. "We need to -"

"I am on concussion watch, and you are resting," she says, guiding him to hold the ice against his head. "If they make it out, they make it out, and they'll come home."

Kaden blinks hard. "You said that about our cell," he says. Kelsey looks away, doesn't answer him.

He says something else but isn't sure what; whatever it was, it makes Kelsey get up, move toward the open-air entryway to the area.

Kaden wants to sleep. He tells her so. She shakes her head at him. "You'll just die."

He isn't sure that's how this works, but he's not super sure of anything right now, so he's willing to trust her on that, at least. "Are Luke and Ella--?"

Kelsey shrugs. "Not our problem anymore."

Kaden sinks a little further into his chair.

"It shouldn't have happened this way," he says.

The other old K-Cell agent is moving around now, cleaning up a little. She looks over at him. "But it did," she says. "Can't go back and change it." She pauses, eye face softening. "Kaden?"

"Kelsey."

"It's not our fault," she says. "This, or..." She trails off, but he knows what she means. What else could she mean?

Kaden closes his eyes. He can't believe her. No, he needs to get these agents through this alive. If they're dead, he's failed twice. That can't happen, but if it does, it's a reflection of him.

(He was K-Cell's leader then, and he led them to death, too. It can't happen again - it just can't.)

Kaden, who is not a praying man, prays-- let them all come home, let them all be okay.

(Somewhere nearby on Koda's cot, a fake green dyed rabbit's foot grants his wish, unnaturally twisting reality and fate's arm, forcing them to yield.)