#i will take my whisky neat my coffee black and my bed at three you are too sweet for you are too sweet for meeeeeew

[angelofsmalldeath-codeine]

I listened to you last night (aka hozier), and as soon as the song came on I thought of you and it made me smile 🩷

This is the sweetest thing ever. What song did you listen to?

I’m on a ‘Too Sweet’ loop and can’t leave. Not mad about that though.

[brokendoor16]

Okay. So I just realised I haven't posted anything in a while and this has been in my head ALL DAY, so please enjoy my English-Lit-level analysis of why Too Sweet is the most Anthony J Crowley song ever to Anthony J Crowley!!

(What this means is that I'm about to analyse every single fucking lyric in excruciating detail, I apologise in advance)

HERE GOES!!

It can't be said I'm an early bird // it's 10 o'clock before I say a word- Starting off easy here. He slept through most of the 19th century, and can you IMAGINE what he'd be like in the mornings??

Baby, I can never tell // how do you sleep so well?- Bit of a stretch on this one since Aziraphale doesn't canonically sleep, but let's just say sleep is a metaphor. He's asking how Aziraphale can seem 'at peace' so easily, when he can never seem to find any sort of balance.

You keep tellin' me to live right // to go to bed before the daylight- Aziraphale has a very strict set of morals, some instilled in him by Heaven but also some of his own; it's one of the things Crowley loves about him, but it can also result in him coming off like he's telling people how to live their lives 'right'.

But then you wake up for the sunrise- Now THIS is an interesting one. Waking up at sunrise and going to bed in the daylight both result in a lack of sleep, but one is seen as a 'good' thing to do. Aziraphale is just as run-down and burnt-out as Crowley, but he's ignoring it because it's for the 'right' reasons.

You know, you don't gotta pretend- He knows what Aziraphale's doing, and he's saying that he doesn't need to hide behind his heavenly facade; he can be himself.

Baby, now and then // don't you just wanna wake up- So you could probably take this one two ways; either as the whole demonic-temptation idea, or as an invitation for something they do frequently: get drunk, sped time together, and ignore Heaven and Hell for a little while.

Dark as a lake // smelling like a bonfire // lost in a haze- Funnily enough, being 'dark' and 'smelling like a bonfire' are both things you could associate with Hell, or the Fall. You could hear this as Crowley asking 'don't you want to let go and have some fun?' or you could hear it as 'I know this is selfish, but don't you wanna Fall for me?'

If you're drunk on life, babe // I think it's great- He's acknowledging that all he really wants is for Aziraphale to be happy. If he lived by all his strict rules because that's what he wanted, or because he was 'drunk on life' enough not to NEED anything else, that would be great.

But while in this world- They're not gonna be on Earth forever, especially if you imagine it from the perspective of pre-Apocalypse Crowley, so they may as well make the most of the time they have left.

I think I'll take my whisky neat- Well, first up it's Crowley and we all KNOW he's got a drinking problem. But also, it's a way of saying 'I know you worry about me, but this is who I am, and I'm gonna do it anyway'

My coffee black and my bed at three- There's not much to analyse on this one. Six shots of espresso in a big cup, and partying till God-knows-what-time.

You're too sweet for me- oh my GOD, the things I could say about this line. Honestly, I just feel like Crowley is always worried about 'corrupting' Aziraphale, or not being good enough for him. He's 'Too Sweet' for Crowley, because he's never felt love as soft and sweet (the closest he's ever got was God, and She was quick to cast him out) and he's scared of breaking it.

I aim low // I aim true, and the ground's where I go- This bit's almost sarcastic, and a little self-deprecating; you can't aim lower than Hell, and by asking questions he sure hit his target.

I work late where I'm free from the phone- He works a little ahead of time to stay clear of Hell's reprimands, or 'phone calls'. Also, working 'late' could link to working in darkness, which he's been doing since he Fell.

And the job gets done // but you worry some, I know- Aziraphale is constantly worrying about the Arrangement; not for himself, but for what Hell will do to Crowley if they find out. Crowley constantly finds himself reassuring him that as long as 'the job gets done', he'll be fine.

But who wants to live forever, babe?- This part's almost ironic. Crowley doesn't WANT to live forever, but he will, and so he can afford to be a little reckless; to him, it doesn't matter either way.

You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate- Aziraphale is always so careful about everything he says, even to Crowley, needing to make sure he stays 'Heavenly'.

The rest of you like you're the TSA- Aziraphale is ALWAYS careful with everything, regulating everything by Heaven's rules and regulations on what he can and can't do (think the TSA do's and don't's).

I wish I could go along // babe, don't get me wrong- Despite spending most of the song (and his life) railing against Heaven's rules, part of him still wishes he'd been able to 'go along' with them.

You know you're bright as the morning // soft as the rain- It just shows that everything Aziraphale is is the exact opposite of Crowley (or at least, of his image). He's 'bright' and 'soft', two things you'd never find in Hell, and Crowley doesn't quite know how to handle it.

Pretty as a vine // as sweet as a grape- He (Aziraphale) may be 'pretty' and 'sweet', but there's something else about him. Vines and grapes turn into wine, which Crowley is already addicted to; he's scared of becoming addicted to Aziraphale's sweetness.

If you can sit in a barrel- Obviously, grapes left in a barrel ferment into wine; he's awaiting the day Aziraphale gains just enough bitterness to go against Heaven. However, wine is considerably sweeter than Crowley's aforementioned whisky, so although he wants him to see Heaven the way he does, he prioritises keeping his sweetness rather than becoming fully bitter- he may be 'too sweet', but that's what Crowley loves about him.

Maybe I'll wait // until that day- This part's almost funny from Crowley's perspective, because there's no 'maybe' about it. He'd wait eternity to be allowed to love Aziraphale.

SO. There we go. If you actually read this far, tysm and I am SO SO SORRY, but hope you enjoyed my ridiculously long and mental-gymnastics-y analysis (I will not be rereading this or I won't end up posting it, so sorry about any mistake)

Have the best day ❤️❤️

[isitgintimeyet]

The Ties That Bind

AO3

Previous

Well, thanks for reading and thanks for all the comments and feedback after the last chapter! Jamie and Claire need some time out and a couple of friendly shoulders to lean on.

Thanks to @mo-nighean-rouge for the beta.

Chapter 17: A Therapeutic Counselling

Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation. - Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning

Jamie: How are you doing today?

Sassenach: OK. Lot of thinking

Sassenach: How are you?

Jamie: Worried. When can I see you?

Sassenach: Not yet. Will let you know

Jamie: I love you x

Sassenach: ...

Sassenach: …

Sassenach: I know

Sassenach: ...

Sassenach: Love you too

******

The day at work dragged by. Jamie felt detached and sluggish, fuelled only by industrial-strength espresso. He really thought they had worked it through last night. After the initial anger followed by hurt and sadness, Jamie had believed there was an acceptance of the situation. He had let Claire take the lead in their lovemaking, realising her fierce need to possess his body and brand him, mark him as hers. But Claire's wound was still raw, with no time to scab over, and his unintentional teasing with the condom had been enough to open it wide again. He considered himself to have a degree of emotional intelligence, but it had totally failed him last night. And the result was being told to leave Claire’s bed and return home, in a taxi, his arousal having quickly dissipated when he realised his own insensitivity.

The day had been incredibly unproductive too, constantly checking his phone for signs that Claire was willing to meet him. Apart from the terse responses to his texts, there had been no further communication.

The screen of his phone lit up, announcing the arrival of a message. Greedily, he picked it up, disappointed when John’s name appeared.

John: Gym in 20?

Jamie: yh. See you in there

******

John was already pounding away on the treadmill when Jamie arrived. He quickly adjusted the settings, plugged his headphones in and set off. His legs and hand still ached from the strenuous activity yesterday, so he kept it easy, not even trying to match or outdo John’s pace as he usually did.

John glanced over to his friend, his face questioning Jamie’s unaccustomed slow speed. Jamie shrugged and carried on.

The process was repeated on the rowing machines and cross trainers. By the time they reached the hand bikes, Jamie had had enough. He pulled out his headphones and tapped John’s arm.

“That’s it fer me. I’m headin’ fer the shower.”

“Are you ok? You don’t seem your usual, er, bullish self.”

“Aye, well, things on ma mind.”

Wrapping a towel round himself, Jamie left his shower cubicle and headed to his locker as John walked into the changing room. John stared momentarily at Jamie’s stomach, before hastily shifting his gaze upwards.

“Er, good night then, was it?” He nodded his head in the general direction of Jamie’s lower body.

Jamie glanced in the mirror. The evidence of Claire’s ministrations the previous night was clearly visible, livid red circles across his abdomen with faint pink tracks down his chest.

“No’ sae good as ye’re thinking. Have ye time fer a drink? I could do wi’ one.��

******

John brought the drinks over to their usual table. Unusually, John had chosen neat whisky. It seemed more appropriate to him, joining Jamie in a dram or two while listening to, he was sure, Jamie’s current relationship problems.

Jamie took a sip of his drink, then another. John waited in silence.

“I dinna ken where tae start.” Jamie began, tapping his glass with his fingers.

John shrugged.

“We’ve known each other, what, ten, eleven years? And in all that time, have ye ever known me to fall for a woman? I mean, really fall, hard?”

John shook his head. “No, plenty of girlfriends, plenty of relationships, but none that I thought ‘this is it, this is Jamie settling down.’ Not until now.”

“Aye, ye’re no wrong. No’ wishin’ tae sound too soppy, but this is the first time I’ve felt like this. Claire is the one I see a future with… did see… no, do see. But I’m feared she willna want tae carry on. And it’s all ma fault. I canna believe it, everything was going sae well.”

He took a larger gulp of his drink before carrying on. “I went tae see Geneva, like we spoke about.”

“Oh, did Claire not know? Has she found out?”

“Nah, I told her what I was doin’. That was fine. It’s no’ that… Geneva’s pregnant. With ma bairn. I told Claire last night.”

John was stunned into silence at this revelation, before bursting forth with a barrage of questions. “Oh my god, Jamie, pregnant? Really? Yours? Are you sure? And telling Claire? How did she take it? Sorry, stupid question… of course she’ll have taken it badly. But does she think you’d slept with Geneva while seeing her?”

“Aye, I’m sure it’s mine. I’ve kent Geneva for a good while and the way she thinks. And Claire, weel, she kens it was just afore I met her. She took it as well as anyone would… blamed me fer being led by ma cock, no’ ma brain. Blamed me fer leading Geneva on when I’d no mind tae have a relationship wi’ her. Then took me tae her bed. Like a vixen she was, till… weel, till I wasna as sensitive as I shoulda been. And she told me tae go. Jes’ a couple of texts since then. And I’m worried, John. What if I’ve screwed it all up? What if she doesna want tae be wi’ me? I dinna ken what I’d do. What will I do, John? ”

“I don’t know, Jamie, I really don’t know.”

John had never seen his friend this upset about a woman. To Jamie, girlfriends had always been like buses, if you missed one, just hang around and another will be along soon enough. He realised that Claire must be really quite special.

“All you can do is talk to her and listen to her too. I’m sure she won’t want to throw away what you have. But you must realise it’s a lot for Claire to deal with, a child and an ex! She knows you weren’t unfaithful to her. And you’ll need to reassure her that you won’t be going back to the woman. That’s not what Geneva wanted, was it?”

“Aye, she did suggest we could try again. But I made it clear that wasna going tae happen. And even if Claire and I canna…” Jamie paused for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing. “Even if Claire and I willna be together, I will never be wi’ Geneva. John, dinna tell anyone about this, please. I want tae have it all sorted afore I have tae start explaining tae people... Another one, eh?”

Jamie drained his glass and stood up. John wasn’t sure he could stomach another neat whisky but felt that asking for some ginger ale to go with it might send Jamie over the edge. He just nodded and passed his empty glass over.

Jamie returned with two whiskies and two packets of salt and vinegar crisps. He ripped one open and shovelled a couple of handfuls into his mouth. Conversation between them stopped until Jamie finished crunching. He wiped his hands on his tracksuit and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.

“And do ye ken, while all this is goin’ on in ma head… what about Claire… what about Geneva… how do I explain tae Claire… what do I tell Jenny and Da… the one thing that’s no’ gettin’ a look in is the poor wee bairn that’s goin’ tae be arrivin’. I mean, I dinna want tae have a baby this way.”

“I know... but It’s awfully convenient for Geneva isn’t it? She wants to be in a relationship with you. Suddenly she’s pregnant. Call me a cynical lawyer, and I know accidents can happen but... think about a DNA test when the baby’s born. Just remember, I’m here for you as a friend but I’m also here in my professional capacity. I hope you don’t need that but bear that in mind.”

Jamie’s phone, resting on the table, bleeped. He snatched it up.

Sassenach: xan we taiolk???

Sassenach: im aa bit pissssed, och aye xx

**************

Fortunately for Claire, and more fortunately for her patients, she had no theatre or outpatient sessions, so she could spend the day in her office, fortified by strong black coffee, dictating patient letters and catching up on other paperwork.

She found it difficult to focus though. Her mind kept replaying the conversation between herself and Jamie last night, culminating in forcing Jamie to leave her flat, in a taxi, with a bad case of blue balls, no doubt.

It had been unkind, and possibly not rational of her to do that, but just when she had reached a level of acceptance of the situation, he had tried to include contraception as part of foreplay. That had hit hard, not only Geneva’s pregnancy, but his goddamn lack of sensitivity.

Claire’s secretary tried to keep her spirits up by frequently bringing her pots of tea and rounds of toast. (“This is what keeps the NHS goin’, ye ken, pet. Nice bit of hot tea and a bite of toast. Soon put the colour back in yer cheeks.”)

Her phone rested on the desk, distracting her from her work. She kept picking it up, poised to send Jamie a text, but unsure what to say, she would put it down again. The messages she had sent to Jamie were short responses to his, giving away nothing.

By mid afternoon she had had enough. The caffeine from the copious amounts of coffee and tea had given her a headache so she decided to walk home, trying to clear her head. As she gathered her papers together, shoving them into her bag, the screen of her phone lit up, announcing the arrival of a message. She picked it up, disappointed when Geillis’s name appeared.

G: r u ok. Didn’t c u 2day

Claire: it’s complicated. Come round later for a drink?

G: ok. C u l8r

******

The door was unlocked, so Geillis let herself in and headed straight for the living room. She sat down as Claire appeared, struggling to carry two whisky tumblers, an ice bucket and a bottle of Broch Tuarach.

“Celebratin’ are we? Ye’ve brought out the good stuff, I see.” Geillis commented

Claire poured two very large whiskies and passed one to her friend. She dropped three ice cubes into her whisky, letting the contents splash over the rim of the glass and onto the table.

“Oh bugger... I’ll have bloody ice in my whisky if I want. I might actually want it to dilute the flavour, he doesn’t bloody know what I want, that’s for sure.”

Claire tried to mop up the spillage with the hem of her shirt, succeeding only in spreading the moisture over a larger area. Geillis began to suspect that this was not her first drink of the evening.

“So, I take it we’re no’ celebratin’ here then. What’s the problem, Claire? My hunch is it’s man-related, am I right? Come on, tell me, while I savour this fine dram.”

“I don’t know where to start. We’ve been friends for, what, seven years now? You saw me with Frank and know what shit he put me through. I’m so relaxed with Jamie. I don’t want to be soppy but I love the way he makes me feel. I see a future with him, or, well I did and it’s suddenly got so complicated.”

Claire swigged her drink.

“Basically, last year Jamie was in a relationship with a woman called Geneva. Stupid bloody name. Anyway, he finished with her, but they briefly got back together just before I met him. He ended it again. Then a few days ago she started sending him messages asking to meet up.”

“Oh, did he go and no’ tell ye? Is that it? And ye’re right, ‘tis a daft name.”

Claire took another large swig. The ice was starting to hurt her teeth. She fished a couple of cubes out of her drink and dropped them back in the bucket.

“No, He told me he was going to see her to make it plain there was no chance. That was fine. It’s not that… Geneva’s pregnant. It’s his baby. She’s keeping it. He told me last night.”

”Ye dinna think he shagged her while he was wi’ ye? Christ, a bairn. Why would anyone want a bairn?”

“I know it…” Claire drained her whisky. “Him and her… them… was before me. But I hate the thought of him screwing that cow. I’ve never met her but I’m sure she’s a cow. Anyway, I got mad and accused him of thinking with his cock.”

Geillis raised her glass in salute and nodded. “He’s a man, that’s what they all do. Can work to our advantage, though.”

“And I accused him of leading Geneva on. Then I got all maudlin about our babies.”

Geillis eyed Claire’s midriff. “No’ ye too? ‘Cos the amount of alcohol ye’re shifting would no’ be good.”

“G, of course not. I meant hypothetical babies.”

“They’re the best kind,” Geillis muttered. “Dinna get under yer feet, or smell, or cry or…”

“Focus, G. So after rage and tears, I then turned into some sort of vixen and practically pounced on him. Until he suggested that I put the condom on him, all sexy-like. So I asked him to leave. That’s it. What should I do, G? I want him, but it’s all getting so messy.”

“I dinna ken, Claire. Mebbe another drink?” Geillis handed Claire her glass in expectation as she carried on talking.

“Ye have tae figure out what ye want. That’s ye, no’ Jamie or that woman or a bairn. Think about jes’ yerself. What are ye willin’ tae deal with? And then all you can do is talk tae him. If ye want him, ye have tae remember he wasna unfaithful. He needs tae gi’ ye reassurance that he willna go back tae the bitch. But if ye dinna feel ye want these complications, think carefully about what ye’re givin’ up. Either way, it’s gonna be difficult... Now pour that Broch Tuarach. I could develop quite a taste fer this.”

Claire poured two more very large whiskies and drank deeply.

“And I need to remember,” she started, slurring her words. “I can be angry, really really mad as hell with Jamie and totally pissed off with Genevieve, sorry, Geneva who I bet is a total dog breath and always coordinates her handbag with her shoes. And I bet she gets one of those really neat bumps, not fat or all round… sorry, what was I saying? Oh, I remember. But there’s going to be a li’l baby with red hair and curls and I’d have to meet it. And it might not like me and cry for Gennifer, sorry, Genevieve, I mean Geneva.”

And with that, Claire closed her eyes and rested her head on Geillis’ shoulder. Geillis patted her curls affectionately and carefully removed the glass, now at a precarious angle, from Claire’s hand.

“What I’m thinkin’ is, ‘twas verra handy how she got pregnant by accident, is it no’? Verra suspicious. Well, Claire, ye need tae talk tae Jamie as soon as possible and get this sorted. And remember, I may no’ be tall, but I’m verra strong and I’ve a friend who works with horses and can always lend me a castration tool. In case ye need it.”

******

Claire woke up as Geillis shut the front door and headed home. Still drunk, Claire fumbled in her bag for her mobile and started typing.

Claire: xan we taiolk???

Claire: im aa bit pissssed, och aye xx

Jamie: Of course. When? Now?

Claire : tomrw. need sleeep noo. want crosssant. sooooooo hungry. byeee

Claire:stupid fukin sperms

[urdbell18]

A Seed Hidden in the Heart Chapter 11: The One With the New Year Bang

The days leading up the the New Year were uneventful. People came and went; Sabrina went out with her friends, Hilda to work, Ambrose to wherever he goes and Zelda had Mary. Mary came around like clockwork, following the same pattern. Mary would come over with enough clothes and toiletries for two days, leave for a day and a half, then return to start the pattern all over again. Mary would help Zelda with her chores around the house, it made Zelda smile that Mary had no problem with vacuuming but hated doing the laundry. Just as well, Zelda hated vacuuming.

Over time they fell into this routine. Zelda was always up before Mary or Vida, she showered and dressed in her house clothes, cotton pants and a soft shirt like her Madeline t-shirt that was Vida’s Christmas present to her before heading downstairs. The morning could go in one of two ways. Way one was Mary and Vida would wake up on their own. Mary would come down in her green robe and kiss Zelda on her way to the coffee pot and Vida still dressed in her bear pjs would greet her and would want a hug. Zelda never denies her, bringing Vida into her lap so her daughter could tell her about her sleep and dreams.

Way two was at nine Zelda would head back upstairs to wake her girlfriend and daughter. Vida would sometimes still be in her own bed but more times than not she be in Zelda’s. It brought a warm feeling in Zelda’s heart every time when she saw Mary curled around her daughter who was curled around Oso. Zelda would be a fool if she didn’t capture the moment at least once. It was her new wallpaper after Sabrina, when she was done fawning, showed her how. Out of the two waking Vida was the easiest to wake, it only took some soft encouragement before she was up and on Zelda’s hip. Mary was a challenge, Zelda learned that nothing could wake Mary until Mary wanted to be up and that irked her. Zelda tried everything between soft murmurs and gently nudging to empty threats and almost pushing Mary off the bed and onto the floor. Nothing worked until Zelda set the alarm on her clock, the sound caused Mary to shoot up like a rocket with a look of panic on her face that always made Zelda and Vida laugh. Mary’s revenge was to pull Zelda in by her hips until she fell on the bed. Mary would lay back down, facing Zelda as she brought a hand to gently stroke her cheek. They stay that way, just softly smiling at eachother and or lightly kissing, until Vida squirmed saying that she was hungry. Mary would hum in a way that sounded like a growl, the only warning she would give, before she attacked Vida, bringing her into her arms and tickling her. It brought a smile to everyone’s face and a laugh or two before they left for breakfast. Way two was definitely Zelda’s favorite way to start her day.

Nights were the same. Zelda always put Vida to bed but Mary put a spin to their usual routine. At eight Zelda would bring Vida upstairs for bath. Zelda’s instinct about the bear onesie was spot on, Vida never wanted to take it off and she didn’t want to wear any other pjs and after three days straight days of Vida wearing it odor and stains were starting to build up. After bath Zelda and even Mary tried to convince Vida to put on new fresher pjs but she wasn’t budging, Vida would pick up her bear onesie and put it on herself with a defiant pout. Zelda would look at Mary who just gave her a soft smile as to say ‘what are you gonna do?’ With the pj battle lost for another night Zelda and Mary would sit on Vida’s bed so Vida could read. When Mary was over Vida would read one of her old books so she could share them with Mary. When Vida could no longer keep her eyes open Zelda and Mary would tuck her in, each of them dropping a kiss onto Vida’s forehead. With Vida tucked in bed Zelda and Mary would go down to the parlor sometimes to read or to drink a little whisky but always they would sit on the couch with Zelda curled into Mary’s side or pressed into her front. Throughout the night Mary would pepper the back of Zelda’s head and neck with kisses, they always brought a soft smile to Zelda’s face. They would call it a night sometime before midnight. They would climb into their respective sides, kiss one last time, and then settle down under the covers. Not long after the lights were turned off would Mary’s arm find its way around Zelda’s waist. Zelda just smiled and settled herself in Mary’s arms, letting the extra warmth lull her to sleep.

With New years being the last weekend of the holiday break Zelda was preparing for returning to work. She made sure that her case was organized and had everything that she needed. She did the same with Vida and Sabrina though her niece grumbled about the fact that she was going back to school so soon. After lunch she settled Vida down for a nap. Vida didn’t nap much and they weren’t very long, about an hour or so, but Zelda used them to get things done without worry over Vida. One of those things was as she called them ‘personal time’ which was just a fancy way of saying she shaved her legs. It didn’t seem like a big deal but Zelda didn’t like to keep her feminine hygiene products, mainly her razors, lying around where Vida could reach them. She wasn’t afraid of the questions but more concerned over her daughters safety.

Zelda changed into a pair of silk boy shorts and started to fill the tub with hot water. Steam filled the room making it warm but not uncomfortable. After moving around some of the bottles from around the tub Zelda had enough room to place her shaving cream and razor. When the water reached her ankles Zelda shut off the water. Sitting on the curve edge of the tub she started to with her left leg, going from ankle to hip. Before she started with her right leg Zelda released some of the water, it was starting to get cold. As the tub refilled she checked on Vida, she was still asleep, it meant Zelda had about half an hour left if she was lucky. With fresh water she started her right leg. She didn’t even finish her calf when there was a knock on her bathroom door. Zelda sighed, a little annoyed that she had less time than planned, but let the person enter. It was Hilda, her sister handed her her cellphone and said it was Mary.

“Hello Mary.”

“Did you get the email?”

“What email?”

“The email that Hawthorne sent that there is a staff New Years party this evening. Attendance is mandatory because god forbid you didn’t have plans.” Zelda smiled at Mary’s annoyance and can picture Mary rolling her eyes.

“Well I appreciate the heads up. I’m finishing something up but when I’m done I’ll look into it.”

“Well, while I have you did you want me to pick you up? It starts at eight but it’s in Riverdale so I could get you around seven.” Zelda checked the time, it was almost two. She should have enough time.

“That sound perfect. While it’s on my mind you left your shampoo here and I just ran out of mine would you mind if I use yours?”

“Not at all. You’re free to it. See you at seven.” With a crisp bye Zelda hung up. When she was done with shaving her legs she left the bathroom to check on her daughter and to tell her family of her plans. Vida wasn’t in her bed, she must of woken up when Hilda came in and went downstairs with her. Before leaving her room Zelda picked up her laundry basket and took a set of pajamas for her daughter, those bear pjs were going to be washed if it was the last thing she did. Vida wasn’t happy about it but she put on the other pjs so her bear onesie could be washed. She sat in front of the machine watching and waiting, Zelda just sighed, what could she do? She told Hilda about Vida being in the laundry room before making her way back to her room. Step one was to take out a dress from the back of the closet and move it so it was hanging on the front of the door. Step two was getting herself ready. She showered, checking for any small hairs she might of missed. She blow dried her hair so it was dried but didn’t style it, she saved that until after she was dressed. Still in her robe Zelda did her makeup and some light plucking to her eyebrows, just enough to keep them neat and sharp. When that was done she changed out of her robe and into the under garments she was going to wear that night. Before she placed on her stockings she applied lotion to her skin, winter made her skin dry and she liked the suitle sent of the lotion on her skin.  After getting dressed and hair perfectly in place Zelda checked the time, it wasn’t even six thirty. She congratulated herself on a job well done.

When Zelda made it downstairs she found that Mary had already arrived. Mary stood in the area between the front entrance and the entrance to the parlor with Vida making home on her hip while she talked to Sabrina, Zelda couldn’t see her niece but she could hear her. Mary turned to look at her when she reached the last few steps, she gave Zelda her usual smirk.

“You’re early.” Mary hummed, the sound low and deep as Zelda kissed her in greeting.

“I didn’t know what the traffic was going to be like so I left a little early. You look beautiful by the way.” Zelda blushed and subconsciously ran her hands down the front of her dress.

“Thank you. You look nice as well.” Mary scoffed and rolled her eyes. Mary was dressed in an all black skirt suit set that had a slight shine to it that Zelda couldn’t tell if it was the fabric or sequence. It was very sharp and so very Mary. Zelda was completely honest when she said Mary looked nice. “I see that you lured Vida from the laundry room.”

“What were you doing in the laundry room little bear?” Zelda’s heart swelled in a mass of warmth. Since Christmas Mary started calling Vida ‘little bear’ and every time it filled Zelda with that same warm feeling. Vida mumbled something about her bear onesie that caused Mary to smile softly at her. “We should get going.” Zelda nodded and held out her arms to take Vida from Mary.

“Bye Mary.”

“Bye little bear.” Mary kissed Vida on the side of her head before handing her over to her mother.

“Bye mommy.”

“Bye baby. Be good for Sabrina okay?”

“Okay. Love you mommy.”

“Love you baby.” Zelda placed one last kiss on Vida’s small cheek before setting her down. Mary had her coat, she held it out to Zelda and then they left to go to something that neither of them was looking forward to.

After sitting through almost forty minutes of traffic Zelda and Mary made it to the location that this big New Years party was being held. The party was being held at the art museum, a woman that they didn’t recognize checked them in and gave them a sticker that had their names and school on it. Zelda and Mary looked at each other confused, why would they need name tags if this was a staff New Years party? The name tags were because Baxter High wasn’t the only school there, Riverdale and other schools in the area were in attendance, Zelda ran into her daughter’s teacher and they talked quickly about Vida briefly before parting. Zelda spent most of the night touring the museum with a glass of champagne in one hand and Mary’s hand in the other. Mary wasn’t up to socializing with others and after catching glimpse of both Hawthorne and the superintendent they both agreed that if they kept moving they would be harder to find. And it was working fabulously.

Zelda and Mary found a wing that was dimly lit and had no foot traffic. They sat on a bench as close together as possible without overlapping while they shared a plate of cheese and drank champagne. The music filtered in from the rest of the gallery to create a low soft hum. It was peaceful, perfect, and Zelda soaked it up. She rested her head on Mary’s shoulder and Mary started to play with the ends of her hair.

“Do you want some more champagne? Or are you in the mood for something else?” Zelda hummed and lifted her head from Mary’s shoulder. While it wasn’t that late the atmosphere and the calmness with Mary was making her drowsy. She needed something that would clear the fog from her mind.

“It’s okay I’ll get it.” Mary opened her mouth to protest as she got up from the bench but Zelda stopped her with kiss to her cheek. “Besides I need to use the restroom. Did you want anything?”

“For you to return.” Zelda chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“Only if you never say something like that again.”

“No promises.” Zelda didn’t have to look at Mary to know she was smirking. After using the bathroom Zelda went searching for the area that food and drinks were being served. There wasn’t much and Zelda scowled that the only caffeine option that she had was soda which was something she detested. With no other options she took it and a ginger ale for Mary. Drinks in hand Zelda left to return to Mary but was stopped by Hawthorne.

“There you are Ms. Spellman I was beginning to think you were a no show. Have you seen Ms. Wardwell?” Zelda didn’t respond. She didn’t want to tell Hawthorne that Mary was here if it caused him to go on a man hunt to find her. But on the other hand she didn’t want Mary to get into any unnecessary trouble. She opened her mouth to say she did see Mary but in a different direction than where she was going but he stopped her. “Nevermind, that’s not important right now. Would you mind coming with me for a second?” Before she could say anything he took the drinks from her and led her over to where two men were talking. “Gentlemen I would like to introduce you to Ms. Spellman. Ms. Spellman this is Mr. Weatherbee principle of Riverdale high and Mr. Blackwood headmaster of Gehenna Academy.” Zelda just stood there frozen even as Mr. Hawthorne talked on but she couldn’t for the life of her registered what was happening. Her focus was on him. His focus was on her as well, he looked at her from the corner of his eyes even as he continued conversing with the other men. It took her a minute be she was able to compose herself enough to whisper an ‘excuse me’ to dismiss herself from the situation. Removing herself didn’t regain her focus, the halls all blurred together and the music was deafening, had it always been that loud? By some miracle she made it outside, the cold bit into her exposed skin and the air felt sharp, cleansing, in her lungs. Deep breath in, deep breath out. It felt good and she was able to focus on the now, like Mary waiting for her. Shit, Mary. Zelda turned to go back inside but stood rooted in place when she saw him.

“Faustus.” Faustus Blackwood. He stood there in the doorway dressed in a black three piece suit and in his hand was his walking stick which he used more for appearance than practicality.

“Zelda.” He moved away from the doorway, a way of telling her to come back inside but she didn’t budge. “How are you doing?”

“What do you want?” Zelda squared helsef to try to stop herself from shivering. She refused to show anything to Faustus.

“I just wanted to see how you are.”

“You saw me. Now go.”

“Zelda I-”

“Enough. There is nothing that you can say Faustus. You made your feelings clear and so did I.” Zelda moved then, plowing her way through the doorway, pass him without a second look. Zelda made her way back into the museum, back to Mary. Mary found her first. Zelda crashed into Mary, knocking the wind after her.

“Wow where’s the fire? Are you okay? You’re blue.” A shudder went down Zelda’s spine when Mary’s warm hand touched her cheek.

“I’m fine. Can we leave?”

“Absolutely.” After collecting there coats they left. Mary draped an arm around Zelda’s shoulders. Zelda didn’t mind, she settled closer to Mary’s side soaking in the warmth. They made it to Mary’s house a little past twelve, they immediately went upstairs to ready for bed. Zelda was ready first, she climbed into the bed, settling into the sheets as she waited for Mary. Mary joined her when she was half asleep. “Did something happen?” Zelda looked at Mary with hooded eyes, too tired she just nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not now.” Mary nodded and settled down next to Zelda. Zelda hummed and placed herself closer to Mary, resting her head on her shoulder and draping an arm around her middle. Mary hummed and nuzzled her face into Zelda’s hair. Mary’s fingertips played along her back, it helped place her in a deep dreamless sleep.

Zelda woke just as the sun was starting to rise. She stayed in bed with Mary for a few minutes before leaving. After a pit stop to the bathroom she went downstairs putting on a pot of coffee but didn’t fix herself a cup. Instead she went outside. It was cold but not biting and the sun shone to make the icicles shimmer as they melted. Zelda sat on the stoop letting the morning air fill her. She didn’t know how long she was sitting there but the shadow of a tree moved to where Mary’s car was parked when Mary joined her. Mary handed her two still warm mugs of coffee as she sat down next to Zelda, wrapping a blanket around their shoulders. Zelda handed a mug back to Mary and they sat there is silence just drinking from their mugs.

“I met someone that I washed my hands of.” Zelda looked at Mary. Mary’s face didn’t give anything away but it was still soft, she was ready to listen to whatever Zelda had to say. “He and I… it was a mistake and in the end we both made are feelings clear. It’s completely unfair. I made a decision to do something that absolutely petrifies me and there he was like a slap in the face with the gal to act like nothing happen.”

“What did you decide on?”

“That I love you. I love spending time with you and I love seeing you with Vida and that we should do more as the three of us because I love it.” Mary’s mouth opened in shock and Zelda couldn’t blame her. This was a bombshell that Zelda placed in front of her but she needed to say it.

“Well, clearly meeting this person didn’t change how you feel.” Now it was Zelda’s turn to look at Mary shocked. Mary was right. Running into Faustus didn’t change anything. Zelda’s feeling for Mary stayed the same, was the first thing on her mind when she regained focus. And if nothing had changed why should she let it affect her? Zelda couldn’t help but chuckle at her own foolishness.

“You’re right.” Mary smirked at her and they shared their first kiss of the morning.

“Shall we head back in?” Zelda nodded and took Mary’s hand that she offered to help her up. “By the way, I love you and Vida.” Zelda’s heart filled with that warmness that brought tears to her eyes that ary brushed away. Zelda felt lighter, the world didn’t seem so overwhelming so long as she had Mary by her side.

[turdblossommm]

History

Vlide is a banished by Odin from Asgard for crimes she never committed and never intended on committing. She lands on Earth and soon meets two men from Brooklyn and he life on Midgarden changes forever. But once the men die she feels as if nothing good is left in the world, to take the two greatest men she’s ever known. But she doesn’t know they’ll meet again seventy years later

Pairing: OC (Vilde) X Steve (Platonic) and OC (Vilde) X Bucky (slow burner)

A/N: Holy crap it’s been a hot minute since I post to this story, but I started a new one and the ideas were flowing. Anyway enjoy and the gif isn’t mine

ps.

INFINITY WARS IN SIX DAYS!!!

Masterlist

Chapter Seven

“Come on V, all the guys will be there, Bucky will be there” Peggy smiled

“I couldn’t give a damn is Sargent Barnes is there or not” I rolled my eyes I haven’t spoke to Bucky since I patched him up in the medical tent. I also don’t want to go out, my body and soul has been off ever since we left the Hydra base and I don’t like how it feels. I also hate going out with Peggy because she too damn pretty to be human and even though I’m a God I still don’t ever look as good as she does

“Come on, please” She begged

“You just want to see Steve” I grumbled and pulled a dress from Peggy’s closet, it was black and sleek. She made me wear my hair down, opposed to the bun I always keep it in. It fell to my waist in loose waves and she put minimum make up on me. She also forced me in to a pair of high heels

“Are you sure I can’t wear trousers?” I looked in the mirror and she shook her head

“No way” She grabbed my hand and we left her apartment and walked to the small bar

“Theres the little lady” I heard Dugan yell as we walked in and I made my way over to the guys and Peggy went another direction. I smiled and hugged the guys and had a small conversations with them

“You clean up very nice, little lady. I bet you have a lad at home who's very happy” I shook my head as my cheeks heated up

“Oh no, men run in the opposite direction from me” I joke and they chuckled. I walked away form the guys to find Peggy she was in another part of the bar with Steve and Bucky

“Howard and Vilde have some equipment for you to try. Tomorrow morning?” She informed Steve. I was so excited to work with Howard again, seeing him was everything I needed.

“Sounds good” I saw Steve smiled at her, aww so cute.

“I see you top squad is prepping for duty.” She referred to the guys having a good time “I’m glad you’re taking Vilde, she better in the field” I stoped walking when I heard my name and continued to eavesdropping shamelessly.

“You don't like music?” Bucky smiled at her and I felt my heart clench as he flirted with her

“I do, actually. I might even, when this is all over, go dancing.” She smiled shyly, probably at Steve

“Then what are we waiting for?” I saw Bucky lean against the counter and I felt as if my heart tore into pieces, of course he didn’t like you like that. I was so dumb and naive to think I could ever be happy with the man. He’s a player above all, I could tell from the first words he spoke to me. I felt the tears well in my eyes, but they never fell. He isn’t worth it, I’m a god damn goddess and I’m too good for man

“The right partner. 0800, Captain.” She turned to leave and I walked away quickly. I walked to back to the bar to see Howard. He smiled at me and wrapped me in his arms and I hugged him back

“My, my, my, Dr. Bladerson you clean up very nicely. Not that you don’t look nice in trousers” I blushed as Howard kissed my hand. I looked at Steve and I could feel Bucky’s eyes on me, specifically on Howard’s hand on my arm as he ordered a drink for me

“What do you want love?” He smiled

“Whisky, neat” I smiled

“I thought you’d be more of a gin and tonic kinda girl” Bucky joked. I looked at him with out emotion

“Looks like you don’t know me as well as you though” I grabbed my drink and sipped and walked over to Dugan and enjoyed the rest of my night.

“I missed coming to a lab every day” I cried as I walked in the morning. Steve was somewhere around he with Peggy. I was working with Stark on something Steve brought back

“Emission signature is unusual, alpha and beta ray neutral. Though I doubt Rogers picked up on that. Seems harmless enough. Hard to see what all the fuss is about” Howard muttered to himself

“Howard I don’t think-“ He was picking at the device and it exploded throwing us back against the wall

“Write that down” I chuckled and nodded. He wiped the soot off my face with the handkerchief

“Stop Howard, I’m fine” I laughed

“You still don’t know a bloody thing about women” I heard Peggy yelled andI looked at Steve and lowered my eyes

“Steve, its fondu. Bread and Cheese. That’s it” Steve looked confused and I looked at Howard and he was trying not to laugh. He began showing his shields, going through the list at I worked on the uniform

“What about this one?” I smiled

“Told you, that’s another ten dollars Howard Stark” He handed me the note

“Whats it made of?” I hoped off my stool

“Vibranium. It's stronger than steel and a third of the weight. It's completely vibration absorbent.” I smiled and ran my fingers across the smooth surface

“Why isn’t it standard issue?”

“It’s the rarest metal on Earth, this is all we have”

“Have you finished Mr. Stark?” Peggy asked and Steve turned to her

“What do you think?” She picked up the gun and pointed it at Steve. I quickly took two steps to the side at she fired three shots at the shield.

“I think it works” She set the gun down and walked out of the room.

“I have some ideas about the uniform” He handed Stark a piece of paper. I picked up the paper and went to work on the design. I worked until Howard wanted to go to bed. I walked to the canteen to grab a quick bite before I headed back to Peggy and I’s shared apartment

“Hey Vlide” I saw Bucky waving at me from a table full of soldier and I ignored him and kept walking to the food line. I grabbed a sandwich and some fruit and another cup of coffee, I haven’t been sleeping lately, so I was going to work on some things for the new mission.

“Have a nice night” I smiled at the lady and walked out of the canteen

“Vilde wait” I saw out of the corner of my eye Bucky getting up from the table and following me out “Hey” He grabbed my arm

“I’m busy, what do you want?” He left go of my arm and took a step back

“Are you okay?” He asked

“My well being isn’t any of your concern James” He bit his lip, looking for words to say, He looked good, better than I’ve ever seen him. He’s getting decent food now and sleep. I tore my eyes away

“Did I do something wrong doll?” I shrugged

“Would it matter if you did? We’re barely friends, we don’t even know each other” I could see the hurt in his eyes “Have a goodnight Sargent Barnes” I walked back to Peggy’s with a heavy heart, I had to push him away. One of us is going to get hurt and I don’t plan on it being him, he’s too good for someone like me. Although it did hurt a little when he flirted with Peggy at the bar. I sighed and walked into my bedroom after biding goodnight to Peggy. I sat at the desk in the room and made designs for Steve, even designed a patch for out little band of misfits.

I can’t sleep because the nightmares are so bad, it scared Peggy the first night and I can’t go through that again. I remember everything those bastards did to my mind with the Tesseract. Everything they took from me, I could feel the tears start to stream down my face. And Bucky. I feel so stupid to feel like this over a simple man I barely know. Maybe my father was right, I am useless and I’m capable of doing anything. I climbed in the bed and rest my head against the head board. I closed my eyes and let sleep come to me

I ran down a long corridor, it was never ending and there was door after door. I was in a hospital gown, but I don’t know who I’m running form. I keep going hoping to find an exit, I scream when I feel someone rip back my arm and pull me to the ground

“Run while you can little girl” I screamed and scrambled back away from the dying man on the ground. I tried to get back up but someone threw me back down

“Vilde, you’re going to pay from the rest of you life for turning against Hydra” I cried out when Zola rammed a needle in my arm.

“You’ll never win, Hydra will fall” I seethed

“You won’t help” He laughed “You gave us weapon I never thought of” The scene changed and I was in Asgard, I walked down a familiar path to the castle and climbed the stairs. I saw Loki and Thor sit beside Odin on his left and Freja on his right. My mother and father stood off to the side, my mother wept while my father’s face was stone cold

“Step forward Vilde” I took two steps forward “You’re sentenced to death for you’re crimes against the Throne”

“No!” I felt arms slip under mine and metal cuffs latch to my wrists and I was dragged out of the castle

“We never loved you” My father’s voice echoed in my ears

I gasped as I sat up on the bed, Peggy was sitting on the chair at the desk. I wiped the sweat from my face and ripped the sheets off me. I rolled out of the bed and flopped on the floor. I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t get a single breath in. I ripped open the door and stumbled down the hallway to the bathroom

“Vlide!” Peggy exclaimed as I turned on the shower and stepped in the water and let the freezing water pour over me as I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Peggy turned the water warm and got in the tub with me and wrapped her arms around me

“It’s going to be okay V” She rubbed my arms. The doorbell rang and she perked up “Don’t move” I nodded and let the tears fall, that dream was so real and true. I can’t be on this team, I’ll find a way to mess it up like I always do.

“Guys this isn’t the greatest time, you guys go to breakfast without us we’ll catch up later” I hear Peggy tell them

“What’s wrong Peggy, you seem shaken” I heard Steve say concerned

“It’s Vilde, she’s been having-“ I heard Peggy stop and feet stomp up the stairs and Bucky’s figure came into view from the tub. The determination in his eyes softened when he saw the mess of me.

“Oh Vilde” He walked in the bathroom and pushed the hair off my face “They did a number on you” He sighed and shut off the water. He quickly grabbed a robe as my body began to shake, due to the cold. He wrapped it around me in my soaking wet night gown. He tied the robe tight and picked me up bridal style and walked me back to my bedroom. He wiped the tears off my face

“Talk to me doll” He whispered “What’s going on with you?” I shrugged

“I’m bad” I croaked and fresh tears streamed down my face. He moved from the chair to the bed and wrapped me in his arms

“Whatever they made you do, you have no choice. It was that or death” I shook my head

“You don’t understand, I’m not good and I was so stupid to think I could possibly do something good. I’m a weak go-” you stopped yourself “Person. I’m a weak person” You scoffed internally, you’re no god, you not worthy of that.

“No you’re not. You’re the strongest and most determined women I’ve ever met” I scoffed

“Have to met Peggy Carter” He shrugged as you took the topic away from you

“I think you’re better” I rolled my eyes and sniffled

“Don’t let her hear you sat that” He laughed

“I’ll leave you to get dress” He stood and walked out

“Hey Buck?” I called and he walked back in the room “Thank you” He smiled and walked back to me and placed a kiss on my forehead

“Anytime doll. And when you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here” He left and I shut the door and pealed off my wet night gown and grabbed a pair of trousers and a button down. I pulled my hair in a braid and wrapped it in a bun and walked down stairs to the kitchen

“It was unlike any nightmare she’s had” I heard Peggy telling them “I tried to wake her up like I normally do, but she wouldn’t” I entered the kitchen before she could go into detail

“Good morning, I apologize for my behavior this morning” Steve stood and embraced me. I hugged him back

“I’m fine Steve, just a little night terror” I smiled “Beside Captain, were needed in Belgium” I smiled